I open my front door to strangers and my anxiety breaks me into a cracked smile and then seeps out like a smoke grenade to set the mood.
I have nobody in person to operate my humor with or to ask, to ask me questions. “Ask me where im from”. Friends are for play so that when we encounter strangers we’re prepared to make a friend. We all need positive feedback or else we get assaulted by hindsight and enshame ourselves to home.
A huge point in having a friend is the practice you get with failing together and laughing about it. Playing a situation over and over again in different ways and thru different worlds. I think it’s called miraculous. You’re both looking for diamonds together. It’s not idealistic. You don’t enter hoping to meet a diamond. You shape one together. That’s how the best friendships and marriages work. All people these days are rough diamonds but they're all lost in ideas.
Anyways. I’m just hurt and I’m fucked about all these fortune-tellers expecting to get the best in one careless snap. I have to find a job soon bc my luck is running out but I feel physically ill bc of all this. All the motivation I get comes from others unfortunately. My seratonin and oxytocin containers have been heaving for over eight years.
e: to cut off some fat

My marriage to a man ended not too long ago due to his infidelity. I had felt so guilty because I’m not sad that it’s over. I feel relieved. I’ve been soul searching on why I feel better, and I realized I was staying out of duty because that’s what I was taught to do. Growing up the spiel was marry a man and have kids. But I hated having sex with him and really didn’t care for him as a person either. In digging deeper into this, I noticed all of my relationships and sexual encounters with men have made me so sad and they feel so lackluster and unfulfilling. I kind of just thought everyone felt that way towards men. I don’t have any desire to be with men anymore now that I’ve admitted to myself how much I actually dislike sex/relationships with them. I’ve said I’m bisexual for years but the more I envision my life going forward, the more dread and anxiety I feel when I think about the possibility of sharing my life with a man again, especially sexually. I don’t feel that dread when I envision myself in a relationship with or having sex with a woman. When I think on my attraction to women and envision a life with one, I’m excited about the future instead of anxious. I feel like I can finally live an authentic life going forward and that makes me happy.

Content warning this week: Starting at 32:00, some manhandling of a drunk woman played for laughs, then a noncon encounter with some gay panic fisticuffs.
Join us as we resume our languid journey through the lives of two men, intertwined by fate, in beautiful Da Lat. Will something happen? We don't care, as long as there are good shots of the kitchen and rock garden! Again, huge thanks to u/MidwesternLibrarian for authoring the first two On Air posts and permitting me to plagiarize liberally. Onward!
Episode 9 Link
Be Your Star playlist with trailer
Summary (from YouTube video description): Thien Bao and Dinh Huy accidentally met on a blind date when Huy was hired to be the lover of a girl who came to force Bao to refuse the arranged marriage between him and that girl. The meeting seemed like very terrible as Huy's plan, they thought they would never see each other again. Unfortunately, the CEO of company Huy applied to be an intern was Thien Bao. Nothing would have happened if Huy hadn't recorded a video of Ha Lam and Thien Bao being affectionate with each other. Moreover, Dinh Huy found out that Ha Lam is Thien Bao ex and that mean Thien Bao is gay. Because Lam is the boyfriend of Huy's best friend - Gia Hoa. Huy used this video to warn Bao that if he continues to interfere with Hoa's love, Huy will spread the news to the whole world. Because Bao wanted to keep the secret he was gay, Bao had to accept Huy to work for him, but to keep Huy’s mouth, Thien Bao sent Huy to work at his house. In fact, two people, two opposite personalities, combined with a bad first impression of each other stay at the same place, caused countless funny stories. At first, Bao just wanted to tease Huy because he knew Huy was a straight guy, but “First make friend, then make love” Bao gradually develops feelings for Huy., his whole body was full of wounds and now his heart...
MidwesternLibrarian's Summary/TLDR: Dinh Huy (aka Blondie) pretended to be the fake lover of Thien Boa's fiancee so she could get out of an arranged marriage. Later Dinh Huy blackmails Thien Boa so he can get a job at Thien Boa's company. Thien Boa gives Dinh Huy a job...as his housekeeper.
Genres: comedy, soap opera-y?
Number of episodes: World of BL says that there will be 20 episodes.
Runtime: 33-39 minutes, depending on the episode, except episode 2, which ran only 28 minutes.
MidwesternLibrarian's Notes: I'm pretty sure 02 Productions has made the most Vietnamese BL series so far, here are the playlists. Most are what I would call soap opera-y (evil wannabe girlfriends, love triangles, violence etc.) My favorite is a short movie called The Ring Goes Missing free to watch on YouTube (it is also on GagaOOLala). It has a sassy character who I love and is not soap opera-y.
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Previous On Air posts
Episode 1, Episode 2, Episode 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, Episode 6, Episode 7, Episode 8

I've [22M] been in a relationship with my classmate [23F] for 5 months now and for the second time (we dated for about a month before, broke up, got back together 3mo later). I'm a very jealous person, and she's a very active girl spending most of her time outside (unlike me), whether its work, family & friends transporting, or just hanging out. She just generally dislikes staying at home. So, since we started dating (even before the break up) she's constantly telling me stories of her getting harassed on the road & hit on in work.
She picks time-limited jobs because she's still a student, she only works in vacations and beginning of semester weeks, and almost always theres at least one male coworker crushing on her and trying to get close to her, once she even got asked for marriage (note that she keeps our relationship a secret, so she never mentions that she's taken) And you can guess how would a jealous boyfriend feel knowing that she's having daily chats and laughs with coworkers who got feelings for her.
I'm trying to make my peace with the coworkers thingy convincing myself that she's in need for the jobs (she is) and that work place be like that and theres nothing to do about these relationships she have no other option but to have, (even tho i think she can force a more formal relationship with them), but at the end of the day, as long as they're not directly harassing her, i tell myself "its fine".
What i can't make my peace with is the harassment she gets on the road, when she's driving, almost every day at least one guy would chase her, talk to her, ask for her number and all, believe it or not one time someone waved at her with a stack of money saying "can't i get smt?".. sometimes she get chased by multiple cars, and they be putting her in dangerous situations, one time she got into a car accident because of a chaser. On foot she gets followed too and harassed and exactly the same things that happen in cars.
Yesterday, i decided to show up in her work place which is a fair she's working in a booth at, and neglecting the coworkers chatting and laughing with her while I'm on delivered, i noticed two guys watching her from a far, and heared them whispering about her. As i said earlier, we're secretly together (to her request) so i can't make a direct move, especially that her sister works with her too. At the closure of the fair, the dudes are still around watching her closely as she walks away and started following her, so i stood between them, sent off a msg that I'm aware of what they're doing and kept myself closely behind her and in front of the dudes and kept staring at them not so nicely. My girlfriend was with her sister and they're on their way out. its a big place, very crowded, so i lost them all, the girls and the dudes. She messaged me that they're harassing them and still following them even closer now I'm gone, so i quickly went to where they were and exploded on the dudes yelling and telling them to f off, it almost got into a hand fight because i was so pissed off, but i decided to be wiser cuz there's alot of police and it might turn against me as I'd be the one who started hitting, so i called the police and told them they're harassing them, i made alot of fuss and attention as i was screaming so loud and suddenly around 7 officers were there, luckily they got arrested as the girls agreed to my testimony. Then everyone else got home safe.
I was still furious, cuz i know this isn't the first time nor will it be the last time, I'm just never around when it happens and it was a coincidence that i was there. I talked to my gf about my feelings and started to share procedures i wish she'd do to stop this ever continuous harassment. I told her we need to get her curtains for her car, and pepper spray. She refused and was angry at me, saying that she's I'm overreacting and shouldn't make a big deal of this and that its fine and everyone is getting harassed. And when i told her i can't accept it and i will insist on taking precautions cuz I'm not the kind of dude to let me gf be harassed and sit and do nothing, she continued to strongly refuse to do anything about it and told me i have to deal with it and she's not gonna do anything.
I didn't tell her to stop anything she's doing, i know alot of people who would blame her and ask her to stop working or something, but all i did was asking her to put a curtain on her car windows and a pepper spray in her bag to keep herself safe. Her refusal for anything i ask for is something not new to me, she rarely ever take my advices or urges to do something seriously and almost always meet it with refusal. But this is something i can't comprehend her to refuse it, I'm literally burning from inside knowing that she's daily encountering these situations.
I don't know, sometimes i feel like she doesn't really hate the harassment, she mostly mention it laughably, as if it makes her feel desired. My girlfriend have a self-loathing trait, low self-esteem. And while I'm drowning her with love and affection and flatter, i recently feel she no longer appreciate it. Maybe because I'm overdoing it so now she wants it from outside.
While I'm pretending we're alright, theres alot about our relationship that is not going well, just for the context, this isn't the only thing thats not going right.
TLDR; She gets harassed and hit on daily everywhere, work, street, road, and she refuses to do anything about it, and is telling me its what every girls face and its alright and to "not overreact and exaggerate it", even tho this harassment got her in a small car accident once. I'm not asking her to do anything big, just a curtain on car windows and pepper spray in bag, but she's violently refusing, almost making me feel like I'm badly pushing her in a corner and controlling her. What made me think deeply about it is that she usually mention those harassments in a laughing manner, she rarely seems actually bothered.

A defense of Aldarion is more difficult, and thus will take longer than In 'Defense' of Erendis, which is recommended to read first. We know much less of Aldarion's tale as 'The Mariner’s Wife' is told primarily from Erendis’ side in Númenor, and at the same time, there is a much longer tale in Aldarion’s life during his voyages that we only get a peak of in Gil-galad’s letter that would greatly change our perception of events in ‘The Mariner’s Wife’, particularly during the crucial 877 voyage after Ancalimë is born, which was argued as a fault of Aldarion.
Within the context of the story, Lady Uinen, Maia of the Sea, and Lord Oromë, the Vala of the Forests, could be read as central characters, and a defense of Aldarion is best shown as a tale between these two beings.

Meneldur and Aldarion's Early Years

From an early age, Meneldur likely stressed to his son Aldarion the importance of his duty as the Heir of the Sceptre. Meneldur did not share in his son’s passions, but certainly had his own:

(Meneldur) loved dearly the land of Númenor and all things in it, but he gave no heed to the Sea that lay all about it; for his mind looked further than Middle-earth: he was enamoured of the stars and the heavens.

From what little we can glean of Meneldur’s early life, the pursuit of his passions were cut too early for his liking:

When Meneldur received the Sceptre he removed, as he must, from the Forostar, and dwelt in the great house of the Kings in Armenelos. He proved a good and wise king, though he never ceased to yearn for days in which he might enrich his knowledge of the heavens.

Meneldur may have been constraining Aldarion’s passions the same way his own had been. In doing this, he tried to impart on Aldarion that a King’s duty was first to the public.
We can gather from the texts that Meneldur started to constrain his son’s voyages sometime within the period of 750, when Aldarion created the Guild of Venterurs and 800, when Aldarion was named Heir to the Sceptre. Aldarion was still quite young during this time especially by the standard of the Line of Elros, and Aldarion was within his right to pursue his passions.

Tar-Meneldur looked coldly on the enterprises of his son, and cared not to hear the tale of his journeys, believing that he sowed the seeds of restlessness and the desire of other lands to hold.
Tar-Meneldur ever opposed his son, and he set a curb on the felling of trees in Númenor for the building of vessels; and it came therefore into Aldarion’s mind that he would find timber in Middle-earth, and seek there for a haven for the repair of his ships.

As Meneldur began increasing preassures on Aldarion to constrain his voyages, this conflict would likely the the foundation of Aldarion’s land weariness, further driving him into the arms of Lady Uinen. By 816, he would be described as associating ‘life on land’ negatively:

Life on land was irksome to him, for aboard his ship he was subject to no other will, and the Venturers who accompanied him knew only love and admiration for the Great Captain.

Erendis gives Aldarion the Bough of Return

Before Aldarion would depart again in 816, Meneldur would act even more severely with his son’s Sea-longing and would deny Aldarion’s voyage the ‘Bough of Return’:

When a ship departed from Númenor over the Great Sea to Middle-earth a woman, most often of the captain’s kin, should set upon the vessel’s prow the Green Bough of Return; and that was cut from the tree oiolairë, that signifies ‘Ever-summer’, which the Eldar gave to the Númenóreans, saying that they set it upon their own ships in token of friendship with Ossë and Uinen.

This would likely be a hurtful act and a condemnation of Aldarion's passions by his father, but Erendis would enter Aldarion’s life at this critical moment:

Erendis came to Aldarion in Rómenna while he was preparing for departure, bearing the Bough of Return for Aldarion’s journey:
Erendis came there, little though she loved the noise and bustle of the great harbour and the crying of the gulls.
Aldarion greeted her with amazement and joy; and she said: ‘I have brought you the Bough of Return, lord: from the Queen.’
‘From the Queen?’ said Aldarion, in a changed manner.
‘Yes, lord,’ said she; ‘but I asked for her leave to do so. Others beside your own kin will rejoice at your return, as soon as may be.’
At that time Aldarion first looked on Erendis with love; and he stood long in the stern looking back as the Palarran passed out to sea.

Erendis would affirm Aldarion’s love of the Sea and Lady Uinen when his father was cold. When Aldarion came back from his voyage in 820, he uncharacteristically came back sooner than he intended, and with a generous gift for Erendis. And soon he would spend his longest known stay on Númenor for Erendis.
Bringing Aldarion the Bough of Return would have further significance to Aldarion in the context of Númenor at this time. When Aldarion was born in 700, the people of Númenor were a fairly reclusive society whose main point of contact with the outside world were Aman. Aldarion was a pioneer and had ventured where no other Númenórean had in Middle-earth, which was widely regarded as the land of the “Men of Darkness”.
Beside Aldarion’s own companions, most in Númenor likely sympathized with Meneldur, making Aldarion feel estranged from his own country.

Lady Uinen and Lord Oromë

In a sense, Aldarion and Erendis’ true partners were the Lady Uinen of the Sea and the Lord Oromë of the Forests, for Aldarion’s love of the Sea and Erendis’ love of trees. This becomes clear to them during Aldarion’s longest stay land after he arrives back in Númenor in 843 and seeks out Erendis:

‘I will not share my husband with the Lady Uinen,’ said Erendis.
‘That is a twisted saying,’ said Aldarion. ‘As well might I say that I would not share my wife with the Lord Oromë of Forests, because she loves trees that grow wild.’

A twisted saying indeed for Aldarion, for he also loved trees. His own name is likely to mean “Son of Trees” in Quenya, with the compound of aldar ("trees") and the suffix -ion ("-son"). Lord Oromë, who loves all trees, is known also as Aldaron. Aldarion cuts many trees for his vessels but is also shown to be a good steward of the forests, and it is not suggested that as a mariner he cut more than he planted.
Aldarion’s happiest days were planting trees with Erendis. As she brought him the Bough of Return, he in turn affirmed her love of Lord Oromë:

But Aldarion wooed Erendis in earnest, and wherever she went he would go; he neglected the havens and the shipyards and all the concerns of the Guild of Venturers, felling no trees but setting himself to their planting only, and he found more contentment in those days than in any others of his life, though he did not know it until he looked back long after when old age was upon him.

Aldarion and Erendis could certainly bond over a shared love of trees, though Erendis values them in a different way than Aldarion: Aldarion values them more for their use, while Erendis for their aesthetic value.
While Aldarion came to live with and embrace Erendis’ love of Lord Oromë, himself a lover of trees, Erendis realized during this time that she could never embrace the Lady Uinen:

(Erendis) determined that she must utterly defeat the Sea and the ships, or else be herself defeated utterly.

Erendis conceals her dislike of Lady Uinen

But before their marriage in 871, Erendis makes efforts to conceal this motivation to defeat the Sea in front of Aldarion. From their very first encounter, Erendis conceals her dislike of the atmosphere of the harbor of Rómenna to deliver him the Bough of Return.
Then in 850, for the centennial of the founation of the Guild of Venturers, Erendis goes on a small voyage with Aldarion to Andunië:

At length he sought to persuade Erendis to sail with him on a voyage about the Island in the ship Eämbar; for one hundred years had now passed since Aldarion founded the Guild of Venturers, and feasts were to be held in all the havens of Númenor. To this Erendis consented, concealing her distaste and fear; and they departed from Rómenna and came to Andúnië in the west of the Isle.

This voyage may have given hope to Aldarion that Erendis could be made to love the Sea eventually. Erendis also displayed an ability to compromise with Lady Uinen. Before Aldarion’s voyage in 863 after their betrothal, she refuses to come with him, but Erendis’ language is still sorrowful and ultimately conciliatory:

‘And, alas! if for love of you I took ship, I should not return. It is beyond my strength to endure; and out of sight of land I should die. The Sea hates me; and now it is revenged that I kept you from it and yet fled from you. Go, my lord! But have pity, and take not so many years as I lost before.’

Even so, Erendis’ dislike of the Sea comes off particularly strong at times, even for a woman of Númenor. In Andunië, after Erendis’ first voyage with Aldarion:

There Valandil, Lord of Andúnië and close kin of Aldarion, held a great feast; and at that feast he drank to Erendis, naming her Uinéniel, Daughter of Uinen, the new Lady of the Sea.
But Erendis, who sat beside the wife of Valandil, said aloud: ‘Call me by no such name! I am no daughter of Uinen: rather is she my foe.’

We get no reaction from Aldarion here, though we are unsure if he even heard this. Other signs of Erendis’ feelings would be harder to deny by Aldarion as they were made in direct conversation with him. One explanation for Aldarion to dismiss these signs would be that it was a common sentiment for a woman of Númenor to be wary of the Sea. Númenorean women seemed to defy conventions in many ways, being nearer to men in stature and strength, and skilled on horseback.

They did not, however, greatly love the Sea. They would journey in need in the coastwise craft from port to port; but they did not like to be long aboard or to pass even one night in a ship.

The Fall of Númenor. The life of Númenoreans: Of sports and pastimes (38-39)
Much like Erendis hoped to teach Aldarion the ways of Lord Oromë, Aldarion might have thought there was hope to teach Erendis the ways of Lady Uinen.

The 877 voyage after Ancalimë’s birth: Two interpretations

So after the 6-year voyage from 863-869, we arrive at the marriage of Aldarion and Erendis in 871 and the birth of Ancalimë in 873. Aldarion is certainly at fault for the interruption of their ‘Days of the Children’ (see In ‘Defense’ of Erendis).
So what drove Aldarion to the Sea so soon after their wedding and the birth of Ancalimë in 873? We know Aldarion was capable of spending at least 15 uninterrupted years on land in Númenor, and was happy spending them with Erendis. What could have driven him back on a voyage so soon, even if it was intended to be breif, after the birth of his daughter in defiance of the convention of the Eldar?
I will present two possible interpretations of the primary reason that drove Aldarion back into the Sea. The more obvious explanation has to do with the nature of his travels. Gil-galad’s letter to Meneldur is Aldarion’s best defense:

Long I have owed you thanks, for you have so many times sent to me your son Anardil Aldarion: the greatest Elf-friend that now is among Men, as I deem. At this time I ask your pardon, if I have detained him overlong in my service; for I had great need of the knowledge of Men and their tongues which he alone possesses.

Here is a breif account from Aldarion upon return of his travels in 882:

‘But the world is changing again. Outside nigh on a thousand years have passed since the Lords of the West sent their power against Angband; and those days are forgotten, or wrapped in dim legend among Men of Middle-earth. They are troubled again, and fear haunts them. I desire greatly to consult with you, to give account of my deeds, and my thought concerning what should be done.’

Aldarion has a long-standing relationship with Gil-galad and the peoples of Eriador by this point, and we know from the timeline that Sauron would begin to stir in Middle-earth starting around SA 500, well before Aldarion’s set foot on Middle-earth. There were likely conflicts and even wars being fought in Eriador. Aldarion was far from the conflicts increasing in severity of the people he had no doubt come to care for, and the ever-present threat of the Shadow consuming them, would no doubt cause worry for Aldarion. The peace-time demands of Númenor would pale by comparison.

Erendis causing Aldarion’s Sea-longing

The second possible interpretation is that Erendis’ own fear about Aldarion’s love for the Sea would began to reveal to Aldarion her own true feelings about the Sea and his work.
Sometime after Ancalimë’s birth, two things happened. Erendis began to fear the power of the Sea on Aldarion’s heart and Aldarion began to dabble again in ship building. But which came first: Aldarion returning to ship building, or Erendis’ own fear that Aldarion would soon leave again? In the course of the narrative, it would seem Erendis’ fear came first.

For in secret she still feared the Sea and its power upon his heart; and though she strove to hide it, and would talk with him of his old ventures and of his hopes and designs, she watched jealously if he went to his house-ship or was much with the Venturers.

Up until their marriage, there may have been few signs to Aldarion of the depth of Erendis’ dislike of the Sea, or he may have ignored them, instead focusing on their common passions. After their marriage, Erendis’ anxiety about Aldarion’s possible interruption of their ‘Days of the Children’ may have caused her to increasingly reveal a hatred and incompatability with Lady Uinen, in turn strenghtening Aldarion’s Sea-longing. His ship building in this sense could be seen as a retreat into comfort, eventually leading him to succumb into his Sea-longing.
Erendis’ dislike of Lady Uinen could also be seen as a betrayal in Aldarion’s mind of the shared harmony they had from their first encounter when she brought the Bough of Return to Aldarion in 816. Afterwards, they both of Lady Uinen and Lord Oromë dwealt in harmony for many years from Aldarion’s perspective, with Aldarion happily planting seeds with Erendis, and Erendis taking voyages with Aldarion.
When Erendis revealed that she actually shared more with Meneldur in condemning his love for Lady Uinen, and that their hopes were not in fact compatable, Aldarion was soon driven back into her arms.

My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 9. She is amazing and our relationship is great. Because of her sheltered upbringing and her personality in general I would describe her bedroom interests as vanilla. Our sex life is good, but anything we do that is "kinky" is something I want to do. I don't have an issue with this as she is willing to try things, and I only include these details to frame how out of character her behavior is recently.
Her best friend who I will call Sara was cheated on by her ex husband and finalized her divorce about three months ago. She has spent a lot of time at our house recently because she is having a difficult time and does not really like being alone. There have been no issues with this, Sara and I have always got along and if coming over a couple times a week to hang out with us helps her feel better I am all for it.
Last week my wife started asking me weird questions like if I "ever thought about having sex with other women?" I thought this was insecurity from spending time with Sara and hearing about her ex cheating on her over and over. I have never cheated on my wife and do not think about cheating on her, so I was very adamant I do not want anyone besides her. She started framing the questions as hypotheticals and saying things like "what if I was ok with you having sex with another women?" I finally relented and said that if "in an alternate universe where she was ok with it and it didn't affect our relationship I would be interested." I followed up by stressing that she didn't have anything to worry about and I would never do what Sara's ex did to her. She then just blurted out "would you want to have sex with Sara?" Sara is attractive but I said absolutely not, because at this point it really felt like some kind of weird test. She kept trying to dig at the subject, and I got kind of pissed off and told her to stop trying to trap me into saying something stupid. She dropped it and we didn't talk about it again until the beginning of this week. She again brought up Sara and what I thought of her. I was pretty freaked out by this and started to think maybe my wife thought Sara and I had something going on so I offered to let her look through my phone or check anything else she wanted to. I think she saw I was getting upset so she finally was direct. Apparently Sara doesn't want to start dating but really wants a casual encounter with a man. Dating apps and meeting up with a stranger are out of her comfort zone, so my wife said "you can borrow my husband" and intended it to be joke. Sara thought she was being serious and was all about the idea.
My wife is telling me she finds the idea of me pleasing another women really hot and basically offered up Sara to me. Cheating has always been a deal breaker for both of us so I am really confused by this sudden change up. I have not given her an answer but she is really pushing for me to do this. She brought it up mid sex last night and was really getting off to the idea of me having sex with Sara. I am so torn because I have always wanted to see my wife express her kinks, but I just really feel like she has not thought this through. I think the fantasy in her head is so different than what reality will be. Neither of us have ever been in a relationship that includes outside people and I fear that she isn't prepared for the emotions she will feel no matter how many times she tells me she is. I will also admit that I really want to go through with this. I was content only having sex with my wife for the rest of my life, but now that the idea of getting to have sex with another women one more time is out there, I want to.
I am worried this will hurt my marriage or their friendship or both. I don't want to miss out on what might be the only time this is on the table but I really really do not want to mess up my marriage. My wife is so important to me, and losing her would be devastating. Has anyone been in a situation remotely similar to this or have any advice on how I should navigate this?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/SRBias posting in relationship_advice
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Long
Original - 10th May 2024
Update - 13th May 2024
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I (50 M) just learned my spouse (47 F) was unfaithful years ago in marriage. She came clean from guilt. Where do I go from here?
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This will be quite a lengthy read because I'm laying out everything to get honest opinions with all the context. There's a TLDR at the end for those who'd rather skip the backstory. I know that most people go incognito with a throwaway account for this kind of post. But I wanted this to be authentic, using my real account. I didn't want anyone to think this was disingenuous. If we know each other in real life or you find me on my other socials, let's keep our chats here or in PMs. I don't want anyone harassing anybody, and I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who has been spared this drama so far.
I tied the knot shortly after high school, and let's just say, if my marriage were a collegiate course, it would be "F*** Up - 101." It was a masterclass in what not to do, featuring every red flag in the book. I was fresh-faced and barely off on my life journey, thinking I'd hit the jackpot. I'd assumed I'd accomplished what my parents did, that being the poster couple for marital bliss. I was so naive, always giving the benefit of the doubt. Meanwhile, my then-wife, fresh from escaping her parental fortress of solitude, went bat s*** crazy, deciding that 'living life to the fullest' didn't include me in the picture.
Before I knew it, I was Mr. Mom with our toddler while she was trapped underneath a few individuals, making up for lost time. After finally catching her in the act, I filed for a divorce and braced for the impact. Divorcing in '97 in the heart of the bible belt was not favorable towards the husband back then. What followed was straight out of a horror movie. I paid my attorney five thousand dollars to watch her take everything from my guitars and video games. She even claimed keepsakes from a departed relative, and the judge seemed happy to grant her every wish. Not only did I bid farewell to everything I owned, but my time with my son got slashed to a mere Wednesday afternoon and alternating weekends.
My faith in women was broken. I went on a few dates here and there but mostly kept it to casual encounters and dinners. I never let anyone get too close. But, in early 1999, at a friend's birthday party, I met a woman whose marriage had crashed harder than mine. She'd had a stillbirth six months into her pregnancy, and her husband dared to bring his girlfriend to the funeral. She was heartbroken, to say the least, to learn about her husband's affair and the end of her marriage on the day they laid her daughter to rest. We sat on a couch that night, swapping tales of romantic ruin. She was clever, and to me, that is an instant connection. It's rare for me to find someone who makes me laugh instead of vice versa. As I headed home, I couldn't shake her from my thoughts, kicking myself for not asking for her number.
The next, my phone rang, and it was her! She'd gotten my phone number from someone we both knew and asked: "Would you like to get food sometime?" I said, "Now sounds great!" So, I drove to her grandmother's house, and off we went on what turned out to be what I still consider the perfect date. Now, I get it; we were both lonely and had our hearts broken, but trust me, this was no spark; it was an inferno. And believe it or not, we've been inseparable since that day. We have not spent a night apart. That was twenty-five years ago, with us marrying a year after our meeting. Go ahead and facepalm, I know how it sounds, but it's hard to put the connection between us into words. Even I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.
Our families adored the two of us together. I was certain I had found my soulmate, if you believe in that, and I was certain she felt the same. We enjoyed each other's company, and our lives meshed perfectly. As with life, however, it finds those moments of bliss to take a giant s*** on you. In 2006, I began feeling ill; eating resulted in violent illness, which I initially thought was a virus. But after a week with no improvement, it was clear this was something else. I was admitted to the local hospital and underwent numerous tests. When I was first admitted, I weighed 222 pounds at a height of 6'2". Within a year, I had dropped to 146 pounds, and my condition dumbfounded the doctors. My health was deteriorating rapidly. Throughout the ordeal, she never left my side, her hand in mine, begging me not to leave her.
In late 2007, a last-ditch effort sent me to the Cleveland Clinic, where a young doctor rushed me into surgery. When I awoke three hours later, she was there, hand in mine, with a smile. It was a success; I was cured. While I'll spare you the details, it involved my colon. Finally, I could eat and move without agony. My life resumed, and we were happy again. The following year, she received a lucrative job offer in her field, earning more than I did. That didn't bother me at all; she worked hard, and she'd earned it.
After her miscarriage, my wife was unable to conceive. We had been trying since 2000 and eventually came to terms with the fact that it might not happen. In 2010, we got a call from the state of Minnesota about a two-year-old girl who had been taken from her mother due to drug-related charges. They asked if we would consider adopting her because the mother had requested she be placed with family members before her parental rights were terminated. My wife and I drove for 30 hours to meet her, and after a few months, we adopted her and welcomed her into our home.
Our daughter faced social challenges and had endured abuse, leading the two of us to decide one of us needed to be at home with her. As mentioned, my wife earned significantly more, so it made sense for me to be the one to step into the role. I dedicated each day to supporting our daughter's mental health. While I played a part, I can't claim all the credit for this; her preschool, kindergarten, and therapist were instrumental in her learning to socialize and trust again. Eventually, I took up freelance journalism, so I was home when our little one finished her school day.
Our evenings were family time, and we took small trips on weekends. It was in 2017 that my wife returned from work one evening, deeply shaken by what she told me was a workplace argument. Despite my attempts to console her, she remained incorrigible. She was declaring her intent to find a new job. She'd never had any issues before, so I was stunned. For days, she was a mess and withdrawn. When I pressed for details, she'd say, "It would only upset you. Let me deal with it."
True to her word, she left for a new company within a week, accepting a 15 percent reduction in pay. I should have questioned it then, but she never gave me cause for concern. Once she began her new role, life returned to normal, and our family happily moved forward. In 2022, I published my first novel with an independent publisher, fulfilling a lifelong dream. I could sense the pride emanating from both my wife and daughter. I had achieved this milestone before my fiftieth birthday, and I couldn't wait to start on my second one.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, this is where my world breaks. In 2023, as I was finishing up my new novel, my twenty-seven-year-old son from my first marriage died suddenly of a heart attack. He had an underlying condition that none of us knew about. I want everyone to understand that when you say, "I couldn't imagine my child dying," you truly can't. There is no pain quite like it. My wife and daughter, who also felt his loss deeply, did their best to support me. But there is no way to deal with such a tragedy. In the months following his death, I immersed myself in my work, striving to complete my second book for him.
On the day I finished it in January, my father passed away after a long battle. Dad had been ill for a long time. You think you can prepare yourself for that, but that's a lie you tell yourself. The loss was hard, and my daughter was instrumental in getting me back on my feet. My second book was released in February, and I tried to smile as I had my release party. At the beginning of April, I started feeling better, writing outlines for my third novel and doing the same things I'd always done with my wife and daughter.
My wife and I have a Wednesday tradition where she picks a random recipe she finds online, and we cook it together. On April 3rd, while making crockpot chicken tacos, I thanked her for everything. She asked why, and I thanked her for everything she'd done to get me through the tough times. I shared a lot of pent-up emotions, telling her I couldn't have managed without her. She started crying, then weeping, and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to comfort her with a hug, but she pushed me away. I apologized, not realizing my words would stir such a reaction.
Suddenly, she confesses her infidelity. I laughed, mistaking it for a joke. She grabs my shoulders and then details how, back in 2017, a 28-year-old at her former job started flirting with her, and she reciprocated. She believed it was innocent, yet it persisted. My wife has always feared growing old. Her birthdays were days she dreaded every year. She admitted that the attention from a younger man was exhilarating. She told me that turning 40 had sent her into a tailspin and that she couldn't talk to me about it because I would have just shrugged it off.
He invited her to leave work early and come to his place one day. She couldn't understand why she chose to; maybe it was the thrill. She said she didn't know, but she went and ended up sleeping with him. Afterward, she felt terrible, glaring at her keychain in his driveway because it had a photo of me holding our daughter. She drove home, and that's when she lied about having a workplace argument. She never wanted to return there. It's why she suddenly went somewhere else. She then told me she wanted to tell me but didn't have the fortitude to do it.
I remained silent, just wide-eyed and open-mouthed. She apologized, saying she couldn't live with it any longer. I just shook my head, unable to speak a single word. She offered to leave if that's what I wanted, to attend counseling, or even to beg for my forgiveness. Instead, I picked up my AirPods and phone and walked out. I wandered from six in the evening until almost eleven that night. When I returned, she was on the loveseat, asking if I was ready to talk. I shook my head again, went to my office, where I had a couch, and slept there.
The next day, after our daughter left for school, she asked if I had anything to say. I said yes. I questioned why she brought this up after the worst year of my life. Why couldn't she have kept it to herself until I could somewhat deal with something of this magnitude? She just looked away. I scoffed and told her to go to work and to try not to f*** anyone during her lunch break. That would have been April 4th; those were the last words I said to her until last night.
She had attempted to talk to me several times, but I would just walk past her into my office, trying to focus on my upcoming science fiction comedy book. Writing something funny is challenging when the thought of your spouse rolling around with another man stuck in her consumes your thoughts. A week ago, my daughter asked in the car if everything was okay, and I lied to her, which made me feel sick. Then, last night, my wife came to the office door and asked, "Are we getting a divorce?" I looked at her and replied, "Looks like it." She started crying and closed the door.
I haven't consulted an attorney, and the thought of divorce hadn't crossed my mind until she mentioned it. That's why I wrote this essay. Where do I go from here? How do I start to untangle this mess? I have no desire for therapy. I don't even want to step outside. I'm broken at this moment. The burden of everything has been overwhelming. There's been so much to bear this past year. What do you say to someone who has been by your side through it all, only to tear your heart apart?
Thank you for reading to the end. And for those who are part of the TLDR crowd, my wife decided to go home with a younger man, felt guilty about it, and quit her job. She waited eight years to tell me about it.
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Comments
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Foreign_Flight4566
Jesus, man. I’m sorry for your loss(es). Timing of your wife’s confession is mind-boggling. Realistically, this is above Reddit’s pay grade. I’ll recommend therapy, but probably above a therapist’s pay grade too. I know you also state you don’t want therapy, but that sounds like the exact time you need it. They can offer grief support, which is what you’ll need as you tease out emotions from losing loved ones and a very nasty betrayal. I hope you find happiness in whatever you decide.

OOP: I contemplated several different subs and I have no idea why I chose this one. I should have clarified above that after my son died, local hospice house around here has grief counseling, which I used extensively. I don't want to do couple's counseling is what I should have said. My apologies. I posted this to try and get outside perspectives from people, and maybe give me a different angle to look at this.

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cakivalue
Not couples counseling but individual therapy for you. You need the support right now after all you've been through and an unbiased third party to support you through the pain and demise of your marriage, next steps and co-parenting.
My unprofessional angle here is that this is most likely over. Had she come clean in 2017 you would have been able to make a choice regarding forgiveness, couples therapy etc. she held on to this secret for seven years and then dumped it on you at the worst time in order to ease her own guilty feelings. Especially knowing that you had both been hurt in this exact way in the past is especially jaw dropping that she did all of this.
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Magnum_tv
Fuck man! This is...just fuck...
Firstly, I'm so sorry for your losses. I extend my sincere condolences.
You need grief counseling. This would help you put things in perspective. At least you'll be able to eventually make decisions based on logic than just pure emotion.
Secondly, your spouse. She not only betrayed you, she lied to you for eight years. EIGHT YEARS! That's fucking scary, because now you're gonna be wondering what else she can be hiding.
Now I'm an asshole, I'd be out of that marriage tomorrow. You however, have truly built a life with her. If, and I mean a big fucking IF, she's regretful, you should divorce, it would be less stress in your life having to be her warden. Because the trust is gone.
If, she's remorseful, you could try to work it out. But she needs to put in the work. Not you, HER. Because she's the one who fucked up.
Remember, regret and remorse are two completely different things.
I'd recommend you still talk to a lawyer before making a final decision. The more informed you are, the better choice you'll be able to make.
I'm truly sorry you're dealing with this, best of luck brother.

OOP: Thank you so much. This is another thing in the back of my mind what else has she been dishonest about?

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Update - 3 days later
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UPDATE - After spending Saturday morning formulating and reading the staggering number of comments, I've made my decision. Some said my issue was far beyond the Reddit pay grade – they were mistaken. I deliberately avoided turning to family and friends, seeking a view from an outside perspective, and I think it worked. My gratitude goes out to all who sent private messages and responded; your thoughts on the matter helped me come to my conclusion.
On Saturday evening, I approached my wife to apologize for the silent treatment, I told her I wasn't attempting to punish her and acknowledged that it was childish. I told her if I would have opened my mouth, I would have been overly harsh and ruined any opportunity of a civil conversation. I promised we'd discuss it the next day.
On Sunday evening, I let it all out; I didn't cry, or raise my voice. I asked the man's name, which she provided. I asked her if the man was married when she betrayed us, and she confirmed he was. That hit me hard, because she knew he was also with someone. I asked if he was still married. She told me she had no clue, she hadn't seen him since the day she left for her new job. I told her I hoped they were, because I was going to make sure she knew. If my life had to be ripped apart, so would his. I thought that would get a rise out of her, it didn't. She just nodded.
I expressed my doubts about the affair being an isolated event, echoing the comments of several others. She maintained it was a one-off and was the sole reason she left her job. I explained that after eight years of this lie, it's natural for me to question anything she said. I then made it clear that if there's more to the story than what she's admitted, now is the time to be as open and honest as possible.
Any further revelations would be a deal-breaker for me, and there would be no excuse that could rectify it. She pleaded it was a singular occurrence and that she's been wanting to confess since it happened. I asked if he had reached out after her departure, she denied any contact. I responded that it didn't surprise me, assuming he got what he wanted and moved on to another person at work. It was the only cheap shot I threw.
I requested that she leave the house for a few weeks, I wasn't telling her it was over, but I wanted to be away from her. I suggested she could stay with her sister, her mother, or even rent a place—anywhere but here. I also informed her of my intention to discuss the situation with our daughter, who is 16 by the way, some people have commented believing her to be quite younger. To my surprise, my wife revealed she had already told her about a week ago, which I was completely unaware of. She inquired about the tone of the house, and my anger, and my wife confessed to her. Before my daughter went to bed, I asked her, and indeed, my wife had admitted that she had been unfaithful. I wanted to know why she hadn't come to me about it, and she told me she didn't want to make me feel worse.
I've decided to keep her home from school tomorrow to have a heart-to-heart about everything. It's important for me to understand her feelings and to emphasize that harboring hatred towards her mother isn't the goal. Her mother has always been loving and supportive. It's natural for her to feel angry, and that's okay, but picking sides isn't beneficial – nobody wins in this situation. It's a tough reality I'm coming to terms with, everyone loses. Tomorrow, I plan to contact three local therapists and reach out to the grief counselor I met after my son's death. I'm not interested in couple's therapy; I believe individual therapy is what I need, and since it's highly recommended, I'm going to pursue it.
My daughter's school year is ending soon, and I'm looking forward to spending quality time with her. I prefer to keep our plans private from family and friends; it's our personal matter. Someone advised me about controlling the narrative, but the only thing that matters now is that my daughter knows the truth. I need some time to come to terms if this relationship is salvageable. I need this time for self-reflection and to assess the situation. When she asked if we were going the route of legal separation, I clarified that it wasn't the case. I told her that when I look at her it brings up feelings of anger, which isn't healthy.
To my astonishment, she consented to everything. She doesn't want our relationship to end, and I reminded her that her actions with him forfeited that choice to me. She mentioned my wedding ring as a sign that she still matters to me, and I assured her that she does. I proposed we conclude things there. As I walked by, I touched her shoulder; she nodded in agreement. Later, she phoned her sister and made plans to stay with her the following evening after work.
TLDR. I want to express my gratitude to everyone for their support and guidance, except to the asshole that just wanted to pick a fight. I apologize for the length of my initial post; I believed the full context was necessary to help you understand why I'm so conflicted. To those who reached out privately and know my identity, your discretion is deeply appreciated. I'm looking forward to spending the next month with my daughter and starting therapy. Your messages are welcome, and I'll do my best to respond to each one. I'll provide another update in the future when I've made a decision about our next steps or if it's time to move on. I am not rushing into this decision lightly.
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Comments
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Bolt_McHardsteel
Clearly you have given this a lot of thought, and come up with a way forward that is best for you. Good luck in therapy, get yourself mentally right, there is no rush to make a final decision on your marriage. Take good care of your daughter! She seems like an amazing kid. Hang in there.
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I can't believe that I'm blasting all of the following to the world, I just need help getting through the weekend and coming days until I can hopefully see a psychiatrist next week.
I (53M) have recently received some extremely distressing, alarming and sensitive major family news affecting my entire family about very sensitive topics that I'm not even sure I can even discuss here, along with a similar trauma I went though as a young adult when i was in jail.I had tried Reddit CrisisLine, but nobody answered twice after 45 and 60 minutes. I'm really not sure if I'm in any way considering self harm.
But it has thrown my already existing depression into a spiraling and crippling depression that is really causing me to want to just give up. Again I stress, I don't feel like I'm the point I'd take action, but I'm tettering right on the edge of the abyss. I just don't really care about life anymore. I don't have any fight left in me. On top of my myriad of current major medical issues that already have had me really weighed down and struggling for many years, my sleep is down, serious weight loss in a short period of time (25% loss 3 months.) I can count one time on less than both hands the items I've eaten this past week. I'm not taking my 31 meds as I just gag and barf them up, and honestly, I'm simply exhausted from side effects. All day-every day accute pain throughout my body for decades, which is being treated through pain management specialist, but it's still there.100% even more now that my two spinal cord stims for pain management are no longer working due to failed batteries, and insurance is refusing to pay until the batteries reach their ten year mark in two years. Anthropophobia, agoraphobia, SAD, and accute depression rule my life, well....my existence. Possibly even an undiagnosed eating disorder due to not eating. And when I do eat, six times out of 10 I have to put my fingers down my throat to barf some food back up due to Gastro pressures from a prior surgery that can not be amended. A recent first-time rheumatologist doc says maybe Fibromyalgia instead of what I thought was arthritis to add to my existing health stack. But there's no way to test for it, let alone diagnose and treat it. I just have 'all of the indicators'. Which in itself explains so much of my pain from the research I've been doing since. Major endocrine issues caused by an inoperable brain tumour. My shoulders and neck and back are rock hard from stress. Nightly recurrent nightmares of being pulled under by water rapids, and I most defin'itely can not swim. As well as camping and taking myself flying off a high cliff, and being smothered/suffocate. I'm a recovering Norco and Soma addict. I'm working a program, just not NA. Treatment in 09, but I've had a few relapses since, all due to daily acute physical body pain that I'm being treated for. In irony, my pain medical issues require me to remain on the same medications I was addicted to. Plus, I have Keterolac shots for the near daily migraines. I've become even much more of a recluse, only ever leaving home to get groceries or to go to medical appointments. Like I know that I need help, I .just don't have anything left in me to fight. Tired of health. Tired of family. Tired of life. I just exist day to day. Dreading to get out of bed each day to cope. Rather lay in bed all day in the dark.
I had a really horrendous encounter as a youth in the psychiatric system and meds for gay conversion 'therapy' that I've never dealt with the aftermath of.
I've got significant church related shame and issues surrounding my being gay and being shunned, called out during church, all eyes averted, and being excommunicated in my early 20s before jail outlined below. This was the Sunday after I'd gone to the senior pastor seeking spiritual guidance as I was dealing with the catastrophic aftermath of having recently at the time of coming out to my parents, and being told 'dont want a gay son' which fomed my whole outlook of worthiness and insecuirty of self worth that's plagued my whole life as I've never gotten over it. So religion is completely out of the picture. And I've 100,000% zero desire to go back at all. This even with given the fact that the largest LGBT church in the world is right here in Dallas. This is further compounded by a prior marriage that I had to the pastor of the 2nd largest LGBT church, that viciously ended after 6 years of continual daily psychological and verbal and sexual abuse for which I wasnt 'permitted' to seek help outside of church by the board for what it could potentially do to harm the church should it be made public during a fragile time in church history. Also never dealt with.
I missed a call from my cardiologist today who indicated I need heart work, and fast, as I've got numerous blockages in and on my heart that could account for the random off the wall bad arrhythmias I've been having. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I want the surgery for it, hoping it will just take me sooner. I'm just struggling to even comprehend this new news, given that I eat like a bird, and what I do eat either literally 90+% of the time flushes right through me. This new news on top of everything else is just pushing me closer to the abyss.
My own therapist is out of town camping for the weekend until Tuesday, and I've not been able to reach her. I don't currently see a psychologist. But after months of trying to get into a psychologist that didn't have an extensive waiting list due to my insurance. I was finally able to schedule a psychiatrist visit and consult for next Friday the 25th of May via pain management. But I missed a call today from them as well stating that they need to reschedule. So now I have to wait some more, and who knows when that will be.
I also want to add that I have a very loving husband of 25 years. He's my rock and is being so supportive, holding me constantly while I cry. He just doesn't know what to do either other than to be there for me. He is the only one anchoring me at the moment. I know and understand and see that I'm catastrophizing in what-ifs, but if he wasn't here, then I wouldn't be here typing this message, especially after today. My rational mind has taken a vacation I was able to speak with 988 today, the National Suicide Prevention line. And I was able to barf all of these feelings out to him. But I'm still very raw and struggling. I've been in bed all day, well... all moth, has been my MO for a hot minute.
I've been zonked all day on my own pain weed and Valium from pain management just to cope as I was uncontrollably hysterical earlier after cardiologist voicemail.
Does anyone know if there are weekend emotional support groups in Dallas, TX area that I could go to over the weekend. Any therapists that do weekend consultations?
I'm just adrift and looking for input on sensitive topics. Thanks in advance for any recommendations and comments.

Hello everyone,
I'm reaching out during a particularly challenging time in my 10-year relationship with my husband, with whom I've been married for eight years. We've encountered numerous hurdles, from his battles with anxiety and depression to his coming out as bisexual six years into our marriage. He has always reassured me of his commitment solely to me.
However, his sexual interests have expanded, notably in pornography and preferences like butt play, which I am uncomfortable with. Despite his claims of not wanting to actualize these desires, the recent discovery of his sex toys by our daughter has shaken me.
What complicates matters further is whenever we discuss the various changes he undergoes, he deflects responsibility by claiming ignorance at the time, thus avoiding accountability. This pattern has deepened my concerns about his evolving needs potentially leading him to seek fulfillment outside our marriage, despite having started a family based on his assurances of exclusivity and love.
Throughout our relationship, I've also navigated his rejection of religious beliefs, his claims of ADHD and autism (which he refuses to have professionally assessed), and deceit about his sex toys.
I'm struggling with feelings of betrayal and confusion about our future. Am I unreasonable in my feelings and considerations regarding our marriage? How should I approach these complex issues while respecting our mutual feelings and the commitments we've made?
I would appreciate any advice or perspectives on how to proceed.
Thank you.

So, early January was my D-Day. My wife & the AP met when the AP, who came over as an exterminator (my wife is crazy insane scared about bugs and we had a bad issue, looking back he brought some safety & security I couldn’t give her in that time) .. started also serving as a personal trainer, which he was doing for a couple other women at the time. Or maybe just 1 other, I only seen 1 other woman he was doing personal training for. Yea… I know, wtf was I thinking? I was thinking “I’m not gonna be an overbearing husband and trust my wife, etc”.
From the jump basically, I didn’t like it, he texted my wife WAY too much.. gave her WAY more attention than is normal. Etc. After some back and forth with my wife on what to do about this for a bit, she agreed it was best to stop talking to the guy.
Little did I know, she went to his house to break this news (ouch, knife to the heart) and of course he kissed her as she was about to leave… which she of course allowed. 2 weeks later, they are texting behind my back.. escalating to meeting up behind my back.. and it went from there. I’ve heard from both AP and her on everything I’m about to say.. so it’s true. He of course pursued the **ck out of her, hosed her with attention.. he basically has no real life best I could tell and messaged her solid to crazy levels (she’s a SAHM) and gave her ungodly amounts of attention. They escalated all the way up until sex. They never had sex. He tried a bunch but she stopped it before it got there the 2 times he got close. How do I know this for sure? Fun story.
Of course, he pushed the envelope and asked to move to sex. She resisted this, even in the couple times when they were intimate (he went down on her 2x, no reciprocation and no sex. Just kissing and touching on her end). It was to the point where he tried those couple times she caved to him going down on her and she stuck her hand down there to stop him from proceeding to intercourse. He got pissy about that which I heard from both of them. I gotta admit, that means something to me and I think plays a role in me sticking in. She says she knew she could never recover with me if she had… and that’s probably true.
Anyways, how do I know this is true? Well… in month 2 of the affair, he of course always pushed to proceed to sex. She admits “they talked about it” and “she thought about it”. She, and AP confirmed, she said something offhand about “you could have an STD” as an “excuse” to kick that bucket down the road. He took it upon himself to get tested, and the serious stuff came back negative first (as you may know, herpes results comes later). So she was “thinking about it” (she says she wouldn’t have though). Well, fast forward to the day before I find out. She goes out and meets up with him after having drank ALOT. They kiss, etc. @ a public place, and according to him.. she asked him to have sex there. She was drunk (and drove, another issue I know) and he says he didn’t want that to be the first time. She says she doesn’t remember this (which I find hard to believe given she came home that night and was lucid long enough to talk to me for a short bit that night, be intimate etc.) and it could or couldn’t be true. But anyways… the next day he calls her up crying with a… herpes diagnosis.
She says this is when “it got real” about what she was doing to our marriage and she confessed everything to me then. She said it wasn’t about “him having herpes” on why she dropped him and came to her senses. She says it was… me. That she realized she has a good chance of losing me. Our love. Our marriage. Everything we had built, etc. And of course she had guilt about potentially exposing me to herpes (we went and got tested immediately with negative results, even if risk was low with only 2 encounters of him going down on her… we have to get tested at the 6 mo and 1 year mark to totally rule out, but we’re fine it seems), but she swears she doesn’t “give a *hit about the herpes and would be with him if she wanted to”. That her coming to her senses, recommitting to me and saying all the right things.. etc., is about me. Knowing I’m the love of her life, she was wrong to have ever doubted. Etc. She also said some stuff about lack of attention she wasn’t getting when I of course pressed in.. she will tell you that’s not an excuse, cuts both ways, and she’s flat in the wrong and regrets it with every fiber etc. (he came out as a compulsive liar etc., more on that soon).
Well, I wish that was the end of the story but it’s not. So fast-forward a couple months or so and one morning… normally we walk/run together. Well, the guy (who lives around the area we walk/run, it’s the only real popular area where we live) happens to see her walking alone that morning, and pulls in to talk to her. She made another mistake and let him come in and talk for a bit… he of course tried to reconcile his feelings, push again on what they had.. etc., she said and did all the right things but was “nice” about it. She’s just that kind of person. HARD to get her to do anything firm and sorta mean. I do love her nature, it’s different than mine and is one of the many things I love about her… but I do think I need to ask her to be stern & short if and when he tries reaching out in any way again.
Anyways, I had a gut feeling that morning.. I can’t explain it, but I got in my car.. drove over and seen this 10-20 min convo. This post is already long enough… so to sum it up, the decision was made to reach out to the AP and allow… a friendship given he’s sort of in some same circles, we see his family out and about in our small community (not him really), etc.. yea looking back that was another mistake. The emotional affair angle continued in many ways and there was some back and forth of too much communication for “friends”, but nothing bad or anything that crossed the line until the last few weeks. He did cross the line and put her in impossible situations on some texts she had to ignore… so she has now ghosted him. He showed some more of those true colors and to top it off cussed her after she ghosted him a few times “because that’s what friends do, right?” Lol. Here’s your sign which was my point to her. What “friend” does that? What she would tell you is she really valued his friendship and that’s what she just wanted in the beginning. That’s true I believe. She gets it now though, she says.. he is toxic all the way around for us, and just in general (he’s shown himself as a habitual liar too, which became more clear to her lately too).
So, I’m looking for some advice from the community. I LOVE my wife. We are in a very good place these days. We needed to reset some things in our marriage related to attention for one another (we lost a lot of that due to kids/life etc 8 years into our marriage) which isn’t an excuse for her.. just the facts.
But I am flooded with thoughts of them at times. That “gutted feeling” in your chest. I can tell from this community that is normal and slowly gets better with time which IS what I’m experiencing. But this “friendship” that was being maintained until recently.. am I crazy to feel uncomfortable about it? Thoughts about this?
Would love to hear any stories regarding similar circumstances!

Someone asked how many violations there were in the entire star trek series. So far I've watched 14 season of Star Trek. That's all of Deep Space 9, Lower Decks, over half of Voyager, and some TNG.
First I'm going to try to explain the Prime Directive. The rule is the Federation cannot interfere with non-federation races. The first part is the Federation cannot get involved in developing species that are underdeveloped and haven't created warp technology or discovered any alien races, Federation officers need to keep their very existence a secret from the aliens. Violating this can jeopardize the development of the species and culture and is known as Cultural Contamination.
The second part is more complicated and requires the Federation refraining from the uninvited manipulating of the internal affairs of a non-federation group, or partisan aid of legitimate non-federation groups.
There's probably a better explanation, but it's really a vibe over a written rule.
I did Lower Decks here. Counted 5 violations.
I also did Deep Space 9 here and here Counted 14 Prime Directive Violations.
I did the start of Voyager here and counted 9 violations.
For this one I'm going to list the violations in the middle of Voyager and make a reference of any noteworthy incidents that are worth mentioning.
Season 2 Episode 23) No violation. The Voyager crew investigate a planet suffering from an ice age. A prerecorded message tells them to stay away and that a restoration effort will commence 15 years from the message being recorded. The crew investigate the planet when it is apparent the message is 4 years after the deadline.
Season 2 E26- Season 3 E1) Prime Directive Violation. The crew of the Voyager is contacted by Kazon agent/rogue former starfleet officeObsidian Order spy, Seska requesting rescue and that her baby is in distress. The interference with Kazon affairs would be a Prime Directive Violation had Seska not been in possession of Chakotay's child (The actual paternity of the child is irrelevant). The Kazon-Nistrim Sect is able to take over the ship and eject the crew of the Voyager on an alien world with the exceptions of Tom Paris who is traveling on a shuttle and Ensign Lon Suder who is hiding on Voyager while coordinating a counter insurgency with the EMHP Doctor. The Voyager crew are stranded on an alien world with primitive humanoids. Any encounter with the primitive humanoids would be a Cultural Contamination Prime Directive Violation, but the crew stranded on the planet and are stripped of all technology that would have allowed them to avoid the violation. Cultural Contamination is the act where an advanced civilization interferes with a pre-warp civilization. In the instance where cultural contamination reaches a point where the civilization is certain of the existence of advanced alien worlds future Cultural Contamination becomes irrelevant. Primitive people encountering alien life forms is not necessarily an instance where future Cultural Contamination is negated. Chakotay's tribe encountered aliens who were mistaken for spirits, speculation of alien activities were reported and confirmed to be true ranging from the 1930s abductions to the 1947 Roswell incident, but Earth's First Contact was in 2063. Thus continuous Cultural Contaminations can occur. Tom Paris exposing the primitive aliens to the Voyager and leaving the remains of Ensign Hogan's remains jeopardized the future development of the planet.
E2) Prime Directive Violation. Captain Sulu while commanding the USS Excelsior launches an invasion of the Klingon homeworld, Kronos to rescue Captain Kirk and Doctor McCoy.
E3) No Violation. Ensign Harry Kim and Lieutenant Tom Paris are arrested for a terrorist attack with a conviction that relied on forged evidence while visiting the planet Akritiri. Captain Janeway investigated the attack and discovered the Open Sky terrorists responsible. Captain Janeway does not shift the balance of power between the two factions and manages to rescue Tom and Kim covertly.
E4) No violation. Voyager only violated the Swarm's space.
E5) Prime Directive Violation. Voyager encountered a primitive world where the religious figures from legend, the two sages are actually two Ferengi scamming the people. The crew of the Voyager convince the people of the primitive world to depose the Ferengi. Captain Janeway argued the Ferengi, Arridor and Kol were stranded because of the negligence of Starfleet personnel in their previous appearance in TNG Season 3 Episode 8, The Price.
E6) No violation. Chief Engineer Torres is subjected to psychic visions from a Enaran, Korenna Mirell regarding the Enaran government's genocide of the Regressive faction. The idea the Enarans genocide should be ignored when memories were transferred to Torres telepathically before Korenna Mirell's suspicious death is absurd.
E10) No violation. Kes may have participated in the assassination of the leader Ilari, a coup against the planet's government, and forced a member of the royal family into an arranged marriage with her, but she was possessed by the former leader of Ilari, Tieran.
E11) No violation. Captain Janeway is kidnapped by Q (played by John De Lancie) after the death of Q (Gerrit Graham) because of a civil war in the Q Continuum that threatened the region of space.
E13) No violation. Morale Officer Neelix participated in an illicit sale of a controlled substance on a space station on the border of the Nekrit Expanse and later participated in a sting operation against the illegitimate Kolaati drug traders.
E16) No violation. Voyager travels to a planet inhabited by the Sakari people while looking for Gallicite. The Sakari went to almost every length possible to conceal their existence on the planet so no claim of trespassing can reasonably be made against Voyager. Note: The first Borg Drone seen in the series is identified on the planet and confirms the presence of Borg in the Delta Quadrant.
E17) No violation. A borg invasion on the Alpha Quadrant during the Battle of Wolf 359 results in numerous residents of the Alpha Quadrant being assimilated and transported to the Delta Quadrant. After the Borg Cube the Alpha Quadrant residents is disabled the residents regain their individuality and set up factions on an alien world. Doctor Riley Frazier is a science officer who was serving on the USS Roosevelt during the battle and formed the faction the New Cooperative. Her status of a Federation Science Officer is implied to be nullified as she is now exclusively a member of the New Cooperative. Her actions as a member is not a violation and when it is established the New Cooperative is a hive mind using Borg technology they use their hive mind to heal an injured Commander Chakotay by linking up with his mind. The New Cooperative request Chakotay tamper with a disabled Borg Cube to establish a link between all factions on the planet. After an attack on the New Cooperative the hive mind forces Chakotay to establish the link against his will.
E19) Prime Directive Violation. The Voyager participates in defending a Nezu colony world from asteroids. The Voyager crew has every right to participate in providing aid for a natural disaster. After an investigation of the asteroids it is determined the asteroids are actually a coordinated assault on the planet by the Etanian Order. Captain Janeway explicitly takes up arms and sides with the Nezu during the conflict.
*Season 3 E26- Season 4 E1) Voyager encounters Borg Space and discovers the Borg are at war with a race of alien from another universe known as Species 8472. Captain Janeway discovers a means of modifying the Borg's nanomachines used in assimilation to defeat Species 8472. Captain Janeway makes a decision to aid the Borg in exchange for safe travel.
That is 5 Prime Directive Violations in the middle of Voyager and 14 in the entire series.

This is the second half of my list for Florida's execution roster. As stated in the first part, I split it into two halves in order to follow reddit's character count limitations. Link to part 1.
The currently 105 executed offenders, cases 53 to 105:
53. Aileen Wuornos (~1974-2002, lethal injection): Wuornos murdered 7 men between the ages of 47-65. She was a street prostitute that enticed her victims with promises of sexual favors. After a victim was entrapped, Wuornos shot them dead, and robbed them of their money and their vehicles. Although Wuornos initially claimed that she killed the victims in self defense, she later admitted that they were murdered for their valuables. Her criminal history was extensive, and she had several convictions for armed robbery, assault, DUIs, reckless discharge of firearms, and disorderly conduct. She was also accused of domestic violence by an ex husband, and he placed a restraining order on her within weeks of their marriage.
54. Linroy Bottoson (~1971-2002, lethal injection): In a robbery of a post office, Bottoson stole $14,000 in money orders and $100 in cash, and abducted the post mistress, 74 year old Catherine Alexander. After holding her captive for 3 days, Bottoson stabbed Alexander 16 times, and ran her over with his car. He had several robberies on his criminal record.
55. Amos King Jr. (~1972-2002, lethal injection): After he escaped from a minimum security prison, King broke into the home of 68 year old Natalie Brady and assaulted her. She was raped, stabbed, and savagely beaten in the attack. King then set her house on fire, and returned back to the prison. At his arrival, the prison counselor confronted him about his absence and bloodied clothing. He was stabbed 25 times by King, but managed to survive his injuries. Despite her injuries, Brady managed to crawl out of her burning home, but succumbed to blood loss shortly before help could arrive. King had a previous conviction for robbery.
56. Newton Slawson (1989-2003, lethal injection): Slawson went over to the home of the Wood family (consisting of parents, 23 year old Gerald and 21 year old Peggy, and their children, 4 year old Jennifer and 3 year old Glendon) to buy some cocaine. During an argument over the transaction, Slawson shot and killed Gerald, Jennifer, and Glendon, and wounded Peggy. Slawson then stabbed Peggy (who was 8 months pregnant) with such force that he tore her unborn child out of her womb.
57. Paul Hill (1994-2003, lethal injection): During an attack on an abortion clinic, Hill shot and killed John Britton, a 69 year old abortionist, and his bodyguard, 74 year old James Barrett. Britton’s wife, 68 year old June, was also wounded in the shooting. Hill was a hardline pro life activist and Christian fundamentalist, and saw ending abortion by any means necessary as his personal divine mission.
58. Johnny Robinson (~1980s-2004, lethal injection): Robinson and his teenage accomplice picked up 31 year old Beverly St. George when they found her broken down on the side of the road. They then raped St. George and shot her to death. He tried to claim that they had consensual relations and St. George was hit by an accidental discharge during intercourse. If Robinson's "recollection" was to be believed, he then shot her again to cover up an "accidental" shooting of a white woman. The courts weren't convinced by the defense, and the accomplice admitted that the murder was entirely deliberate and calculated from the beginning. Robinson had several rape convictions and accusations before St. George's murder.
59. John Blackwelder (~1970s-2004, lethal injection): While incarcerated for molesting a 10 year old boy, Blackwelder tied up his cellmate, 39 year old Raymond Wigley, under the alleged pretenses of a bondage session and strangled him to death with makeshift rope. According to Blackwelder, Wigley had been sexually harassing him, and he wanted to put a permeant end to the unwanted advances. Blackwelder had several sexual assault convictions dating back to the 1970s, and was also previously convicted for threatening former vice president Dan Quayle. His victim was the accomplice of another executed offender, John Marek, and was serving a life sentence for assisting him in the torture murder of a woman [for more details on Marek and Wigley's crimes, please see section 68] at the time of his own death.
60. Glen Ocha (1999-2005, lethal injection): Ocha picked up 28 year old Carol Skjerva from a bar and they had sex in his home. However, Skjerva allegedly made mocking remarks towards his genitals and threatened to tell her fiance of their encounter. In a drunken rage and under the influence of ecstasy, Ocha hung her with rope from his kitchen door.
61. Clarence Hill (1982-2006, lethal injection): During an attempted bank robbery with an accomplice, Hill engaged in a shootout with the responding policemen. One of the officers, 26 year old Stephen Taylor, was killed and another was wounded.
62. Arthur Rutherford (1985-2006, lethal injection): Rutherford was hired by a widow, 63 year old Stella Salamon, to do odd jobs around her home. He then drowned Salamon in her bathtub and tried to cash in a check of $2,000 from her account. Salamon's nude body was found with a broken arm, bruising all across her face, and three head wounds.
63. Danny Rolling (~1960s-2006, lethal injection): Rolling murdered a total of 8 people between the ages of 8-55. In 1989, Rolling stabbed 55 year old William Grissom, William’s 24 year old daughter Julie, and his 8 year old grandson Sean to death in their home. Julie’s body was ritualistically mutilated and posed during the attack. A year later, he shot his estranged father, 59 year old James. Although James survived, he was left permanently blind. Rolling then burglarized several student dorms in a week long rampage. Five students, 23 year old Tracy Paules, 23 year old Manuel Taboda, 18 year old Sonja Larson, 17 year old Christa Hoyt, and 17 year old Christina Powell, were bound, raped, and stabbed to death. Only Taboada was spared from any sexual abuse. As with Julia Grissom, Rolling posed the female victims into provocative positions and mutilated their bodies. Roiling decapitated Hoyt and placed her head on a cabinet shelf for the sole purpose of shocking witnesses stumbling across the scene. He had a long history of robberies, assaults, and voyeurism, and some of his earliest convictions occurred when he was a teenager.
64. Ángel Díaz (~1960s-2006, lethal injection): In his native Puerto Rico, Díaz stabbed an unidentified man, who was a director of a local drug rehabilitation center, 19 times while the victim was asleep. Díaz was sentenced for second degree murder, but he escaped after beating a guard near death, and fled to Florida. During his stay in Florida, Díaz and his accomplices robbed a strip club at gunpoint, and shot and killed the manager, 49 year old Joseph Nagy. After Nagy’s murder, he and his accomplices relocated themselves to Connecticut. However, they were arrested for a possession of illegal firearms charge. Díaz and 3 other inmates briefly managed to escape by beating up a guard and threatening another at knifepoint, but were quickly recaptured. After a cellmate testified that Díaz confessed to Nagy’s murder, he was deported back to Florida and sentenced to death. His execution sparked controversy, as it took him 34 minutes to succumb to the lethal drugs. Díaz’s other criminal convictions include shooting and injuring an officer during an armed robbery and several drug possession charges. Authorities also suspected him of being involved with several Puerto Rican nationalist insurgent groups.
65. Mark Schwab (1987-2008, lethal injection): Schwab lured 11 year old Junny Rios-Martinez into a motel room by posing as a photographer for a surfing magazine. He bound Rios-Martinez, anally penetrated him, and smothered the boy to death with a pillow. Schwab also had a conviction for the sexual battery of a 13 year old boy, and he was released after serving 3 out of an 8 year prison sentence months before Rios-Martinez's murder.
66. Richard Henyard (1993-2008, lethal injection): Henyard and his teenage accomplice carjacked 35 year old Dorothy Lewis, and her two daughters, 7 year old Jamilya and 3 year old Jasmine. The pair raped Dorothy, and shot and killed both of her daughters. Dorothy was also shot in the head, but was able to survive. Dorothy recounted that she tried praying for her and her children's safety, and Henyard taunted her by mockingly claiming to be Satan himself.
67. Wayne Tompkins (~1980s-2008, lethal injection): While helping his girlfriend move from their home, Tompkins made sexual advances on her 15 year old daughter, Lisa DeCarr. When she rejected him, Tompkins raped and strangeld her to death with a bathrobe, and tried to report DeCarr as a runaway. Tompkins also had several sexual assault convictions and accusations prior to the murder. One incident involved him abducting and abusing a gas station clerk.
68. John Marek (~1980s-2008, lethal injection): Marek and his accomplice, Raymond Wigley, picked up 47 year old Adela Simmons. They forced Simmons to perform oral sex on them, burned her fingers and pubic hairs, and strangled her to death with a bandana. The pair then dumped her body near a beach. Marek was sentenced to death for Simmons' murder, while Wigley was given a life sentence. While in prison, Wigley himself was strangled to death by the above mentioned John Blackwelder.
69. Martin Grossman (1984-2010, lethal injection): Grossman was given probation after a spree involving the burglary of an ex girlfriend's home and stealing cars. While out shooting a stolen handgun with a friend, they were confronted by Margaret Park, a 26 year old wildlife ranger. Wanting to avoid being arrested and put back into prison for violating his parole, Grossman and his friend attacked Park with a flashlight. They wrestled her service pistol away from her and shot and killed Park with it. Due to Grossman being Jewish, his death sentence outraged several Jewish organizations across the globe, and they petitioned ceaselessly for his clemency.
70. Manuel Valle (1978-2011, lethal injection): While driving a stolen car, Valle was pulled over by Louis Pena, a 41 year old police officer, for a traffic violation. In the confrontation, Valle shot Pena and his partner. Although Pena was killed in the shooting, his partner's life was saved by a bullet proof vest.
71. Oba Chandler (~1960s-2011, lethal injection): Chandler enticed a woman, 36 year old Joan Rogers, and her two daughters, 17 year old Michelle and 14 year old Christe, with the promise of a boat ride. On board, he bound the family with rope and raped all three of them. Chandler then tied concrete blocks around Joan and her daughters' necks and tossed them into the ocean to drown. He also raped and strangled 20 year old Ivelisse Berrios–Beguerisse after abducting her from a mall, and was linked to the murder by a 2014 DNA test 3 years after his execution. Chandler was an inveterate sexual predator with a very long criminal history, and was first arrested for car theft in his early teens. Many of his other crimes include several convictions of armed robbery, burglary, rape, counterfeiting, and kidnapping. In one incident, he broke into a couple’s house, and sexually assaulted the wife in front of her husband. One surviving victim, a 24 year old Canadian tourist, helped investigators tie Chandler to the Rogers’ murders with her reports.
72. Robert Waterhouse (~1966-2012, lethal injection): In 1966, Waterhouse snuck into the home of 77 year old Ella Carter, and raped and strangled her to death. He was paroled after serving 8 years of a life sentence. A few years later, Waterhouse picked up 29 year old Deborah Kammerer from a bar and assaulted her on a nearby beach. He stabbed and violated Kammerer with a broken bottle, shoved a tampon down her throat, and drowned her in the ocean waters.
73. David Gore (1981-2012, lethal injection): Gore and his cousin abducted and murdered 4 teenage girls (17 year old Ying Hua Ling, 17 year old Lynn Eilliot, 14 year old Angelica LaVallee, 14 year old Barbara Byer) and 2 grown women (48 year old Hsiang Huang Ling and 35 year old Judith Daley). The victims were kidnapped through force, picked up while hitchhiking, or tricked into thinking that Gore was a police officer detaining them. They were then tied up, raped, and shot or strangled to death. The cousins dismembered the bodies in their attempts to destroy them and buried the scattered remains in shallow graves. Two of their victims, Ying Hua Ling and Hsiang Huang Ling, were a mother and daughter pair of Taiwanese immigrants, and the cousins murdered them together. A 7th victim, 14 year old friend of Eilliot, was also abducted and sodomized, but she managed to escape with Eilliot's help.
74. Manuel Pardo Jr. (1986-2012, lethal injection): Pardo was a corrupt cop heavily involved in the drug trade. After his department fired him for his abuse of power and suspected tampering of investigations, Pardo went on a crime spree. He shot and killed at least 9 men and women in robberies and interpersonal disputes. The victims he murdered in robberies were 39 year old Ulpiano Ledo, 37 year old Luis Robledo, 33 year old Mario Amador, and 28 year old Roberto Alons. In every robbery incident, he stole the victims’ credit cards. Pardo killed 28 year old Fara Quintero in an argument over a ring he pawned to her and 30 year old Sara Musa for refusing his demands of buying him a VCR set with a credit card stolen from one of his previous robberies. Another victim, Michael Millot, a 38 year old Haitian refugee that took up work as a gunsmith, was slain out of Pardo’s fears of him being a police informant. His last murders were 40 year old Ramon Alvero, a drug dealer that he work for, and Alvaro’s girlfriend, 38 year old Daisy Ricard. Pardo turned on the couple after Alvaro stiffed him of a meeting. He shot Alvaro dead, but Padro’s gun jammed when he tried to shoot Ricard as well. As he was beating Ricard to death with his gun, it discharged and hit Pardo’s foot. On death row, Pardo tried to fashion himself as a vigilante trying to rid Florida of all drug related crimes.
75. Larry Mann (~1970s-2012, lethal injection): Mann ambushed 10 year old Elisa Nelson while she was biking from school to a dentist appointment. He raped Nelson and beat her to death with a pipe. Authorities also initially suspected Mann in the murders of several girls in the area, such as 16 year old Janie Sanders and 13 year old Rose Levandoski, but the current thinking is that another (still unknown) predator was likely responsible. Although he had convictions against adult women, Mann was a pedophile with a history of mostly preying on young girls.
76. Elmer Carroll (~1972-2012, lethal injection): Carroll broke into the room of 10 year old Christine McGowan. He raped and strangled the girl to death, tucked the body underneath the bedsheets, and stole her stepfather's construction truck. McGowan's body discovered was by her stepfather when he came to check on her. At the time of the murder, Carroll had two separate convictions (including one against his then 5 year old niece) for child molestation and was first accused of rape at the age of 16.
77. William Van (~1971-2013, lethal injection): Poyck Van Poyck and another man, Frank Valdez, ambushed a prison van that their incarcerated friend was being transported in with the intent of freeing him. The pair shot and killed a guard, 40 year old Fred Griffis and wounded another. Despite overtaking the van, they were forced to retreat without their friend with the arrival of police reinforcements. Both were captured after a brief shootout with the police and were given death sentences for Griffis’ murder. The case sparked controversy when Valdez was beaten to death by other prison guards in his cell. The officers involved were all fired but acquitted for murder in their trials. Van Poyck had several convictions of armed robbery on his record.
78. John Ferguson (~1960s-2013, lethal injection): Ferguson was the mastermind of the Carol City massacre that his above mentioned accomplices, Marvin Francois and Beauford White, participated in. He also committed a series of murders on his own. Two of his other victims, 17 year old Brian Glenfeldt and 17 year old Belinda Worley, were a couple that were ambushed in the parking lot of an ice cream shop. Ferguson raped Worley, shot her and Glenfeldt dead, and ran off with her jewelry and Glenfeldt’s wallet. Another couple, 82 year old Katherine and 75 year old Raymond Perry, were assaulted by Ferguson in their motel room, robbed, and shot dead execution style. Authorities also believe that Ferguson was responsible for the murders of James Ward, a 40 year old runaway from a mental institution, and Joseph Walters (age unknown), but was never convicted of them in court. Ferguson had a troubled upbringing, was stealing cars at the age of 13, and convicted for the attempted murder of an officer. Due to allegations of him being a schizophrenic, his execution was delayed numerous times, which is why he was put to death decades after his accomplices.
79. Marshall Gore (1988-2013, lethal injection): Gore abducted and murdered two women, 30 year old Robyn Novick and 19 year old Susan Roark. Both women were last seen in his company, and they were raped, beaten, and stabbed to death. He also carjacked 32 year old Tina Coralis while she was driving with her 2 year old son Jimmy. Gore raped Tina, beat her with a rock, slit her throat, dumped her on the side of the road, and drove off with her car while Jimmy was still in it. Tina survived the attack and notified the police about her kidnapped son and stolen car. The police were able to rescue Jimmy unharmed and capture Gore without incident.
80. William Happ (~1980s-2013, lethal injection): Happ dragged 21 year old Angela Crowley out of her own car window in a convenience store parking lot. He anally raped and strangled Crowley to death with her pants. A corner's report mentioned that Crowley received over 20 blows to her head during the assault. Happ had several convictions of armed robbery, one of which pertained to an abduction incident.
81. Darius Kimbrough (1991-2013, lethal injection): Kimbrough climbed into the apartment window of 28 year old Denise Collin with the help of a ladder. He raped and repeatedly slammed her head against the wall. She was found bloodied and nude by the paramedics called to the scene. Collin died of her injuries in the hospital a day after the attack. Her murder went unsolved until samples of Kimbrough’s DNA were collected from another one of his rapes. With the presence of additional pubic hairs found in Collin’s room, at least two other men were also certainly involved, but they remain at large to this day.
82. Thomas Knight (~1960s-2013, lethal injection): Knight began his string of murders by abducting his former employer, 64 year old Sydney Gans, and Sydney's wife, 60 year old Lillian. After her forced them to withdraw $50,000 from their bank accounts, Knight shot the Gans' dead. He was apprehended and, but he managed to escape from jail while awaiting trial. While on the run, Knight gunned down a clerk, 54 year old William Culpepper, while holding up a liquor store, and $640 from the cash register. A month later, Knight was recaptured following an armed standoff with police, and sentenced to death for the Gan killings. On death row, he stabbed a correctional officer, 48 year old Richard Burke, to death with a sharpened spoon over the prison allegedly barring him from seeing his mother. Knight had numerous theft and burglary convictions that date back to when he was 9 years old.
83. Juan Chavez (1995-2014, lethal injection): Chavez accosted 9 year old Jimmy Ryce when the boy was dropped off at a stop by a school bus, and abducted him at gunpoint. He took Ryce to a trailer on his employers' property and raped him. When Ryce tried to signal a passing helicopter for help, Chavez shot him in the back of the head, and muffled his cries as he died. The body was then decapitated and dismembered, and Chavez buried the remains near his trailer.
84. Paul Howell (~1990s-2014, lethal injection): Howell was part of a drug smuggling gang. One of the members had a falling out with the ring and made an agreement with law enforcement to testify against them. Howell constructed a microwave bomb to assassinate the witness in her home, and he assigned an associate to carry out the hit. As he was transporting the bomb to its intended destination, the associate was pulled over and detained by deputies. While being processed, the bomb detonated prematurely, and killed a deputy, 35 year old James Fulford, Jr.
85. Robert Henry (1987-2014, lethal injection): As part of his plan to assault the gas station that he worked at, Henry tricked his co workers, 53 year old Phyllis Harris and 35 year old Janet Thermidor, into thinking that a robber was holding him hostage. He duped the women into allowing themselves to be tied up and gagged, as Henry claimed to them that the fictitious "robber" was forcing him to do it. Both women were beaten with hammers as Henry ransacked the station’s store. After he stole a total of $1,269 from the register, he poured gasoline all over the building, and set it on fire. Thermidor and Harris were burned alive in the blaze and died of their injures, but Thermidor survived long enough to identify Henry as the assailant.
86. Robert Hendrix (1990-2014, lethal injection): To prevent his cousin, 25 year old Elmer Scott Jr., from testifying against him in a then upcoming burglary trail, Hendrix broke into the home that he shared with his wife, 18 year old Susan, with an accomplice. He shot Susan and Elmer, beat them with the butt of his rifle, and slashed their throats. In the case that he was about to be tried for, Elmer and Hendrix burglarized a home together, and Elmer agreed to testify against him in exchange for a reduced sentence.
87. John Henry (~1975-2014, lethal injection): In 1975, Henry got into an argument with his first wife, 28 year old Patricia Roddy, while they were driving with her daughters. Henry pulled over and stabbed Patricia to death in front of her children. After he plead guilty, Henry was given a 15 year sentence for second degree murder, and was released in 1983 after serving 8. Shortly after his release, he married 28 year old Suzanne Overstreet. As what happened with his first wife, he fatally stabbed Suzanne during an argument in 1985. He then took his stepson, 4 year old Eugene Christian, to a chicken farm and stabbed him to death as well. Henry also had several convictions for the possession of drugs and illegal firearms.
88. Eddie Davis (~1980s-2014, lethal injection): Davis kidnapped his ex girlfriend's daughter, 11 year Kimberly Waters, from her home and gagged her with a rag. He took the girl to a trailer that he used to live in, and raped and strangled her to death. His criminal activity before the murder included several arrests for burglary and autotheft.
89. Chadwick Banks (1992-2014, lethal injection): Banks shot his wife, 30 year old Cassandra, in the head while she was sleeping on their couch. He then crept into the room of his stepdaughter, 10 year old Melody Cooper, and sexually assaulted her. Melody was also shot dead during the abuse.
90. Johnny Kormondy (~1989-2014, lethal injection): Kormondy and his two accomplices invaded a house that Gary McAdams, a 38 year old banker, shared with his wife, 38 year old Cecilia. The couple were ambushed after they returned home from a high school reunion. Gary was shot and killed by Kormondy, while Cecilia was forced to orally copulate the other intruders. Several items were stolen in the robbery, but my sources didn’t disclose any specifics. Kormondy had several previous convictions of robberies and auto thefts, and the earliest occurred when he was 14.
91. Jerry Correll (1985-2015, lethal injection): Correll shot and killed his ex wife, 25 year old Susan, their daughter, 5 year old Tuesday, Susan's sister, 29 year old Marybeth Jones, and their mother, 58 year old Mary Lou Hines. All four victims were murdered in a home they shared together.
92. Oscar Bolin (~1977-2015, lethal injection): Bolin was sentenced to death for the abductions and murders of 26 year old Teri Matthews, 25 year old Natalie Holley, and 17 year old Stephanie Collins. All 3 victims were kidnapped while they were getting off from work, raped, and killed in beating and stabbing attacks. He raped and strangled a fourth victim, 30 year old Deborah Stowe, to death in Texas, but wasn't charged due to already facing the death penalty in Florida. Bolin also took part in the non fatal abduction and gang rape of a waitress in Ohio, was charged for kidnapping his girlfriend (which were later dropped by the courts), and had several theft convictions that started when he was 15.
93. Mark Asay (1987-2017, lethal injection): Asay shot and killed a black man, 34 year old Robert Booker, during a racially charged fight that he picked at a bar. After Booker's murder, Asay, his brother, and their friend went cruising for prostitutes. They encountered a cross dressing sex worker, 26 year old Robert McDowell, they were acquainted with and picked him up. McDowell was also shot dead by Asay when they got into an argument over payment for an oral sex act.
94. Michael Lambrix (1983-2017, lethal injection): While intoxicated, Lambrix beat one of his friends, 35 year old Clarence Moore, to death with a tire iron, and fatally strangled another friend, 19 year old Aleisha Bryant, with a t-shirt in their trailer. He was previously arrested for welfare fraud and was detained for an unspecified "unrelated charge" during the murder investigation.
95. Patrick Hannon (1991-2017, lethal injection): 27 year old Brandon Snider vandalized the bedroom of his ex girlfriend while she was away on vacation. The ex girlfriend's brother was friends with Hannon, and he convinced him to launch a revenge attack on Snider with the help of another friend. They broke into Snider's apartment, stabbed him, and slit his throat. Snider's roommate, 28 year old Robert Carter, witnessed the murder, and tried hiding underneath his bed. Hannon dragged Carter out and shot him to death.
96. Eric Branch (1991-2018, lethal injection): In 1993, Branch abducted and carjacked 21 year old Susan Morris. He raped, beat, and strangled her to death, and then buried Morris' body in a shallow grave near a nature trail. Branch used Morris' car to flee back to his native Indiana, but was captured for a traffic violation. A registered sex offender, Branch had previous convictions for sexually abusing a 14 year old girl, and raped an unidentified woman 10 days before Morris' murder.
97. José Jiménez (~1990-2018, lethal injection): Jiménez fatally strangled Marie Debas, a 32 year old French woman who was allegedly in a relationship with a Medellin cartel drug runner, during a burglary of her apartment. Two years later, he burglarized the home of 63 year old Phyllis Minas, and stabbed her to death.
98. Bobby Long (~1990-2018, lethal injection): As the “Classified Ad Rapist”, Long raped over 50 women. He was given that epithet due to contacting and luring his victims through classified ads. After one of his victims sought charges that initially convicted him (though were later dropped on appeals), Long’s pattern of sexual violence escalated to murder. Long murdered at least 10 women and teenage girls between the ages of 18-28 and non fatally assaulted a 33 year old woman, Linda Nuttall, and a 17 year old girl, Lisa McVey. The victims were picked up through hitchhiking, forcibly grabbed while walking alone on streets, or were prostitutes lured with promises of payment for sexual favors. Long’s sparing of his last victim, McVey, provided to be his downfall, as it was her meticulously detailed reports that led law enforcement to him.
99. Gary Bowles (~1970s-2019, lethal injection): Bowles lured 6 men, 72 year old Milton Bradley, 59 year old John Roberts, 47 year old Walter Hinton, 47 year old Alverson, 39 year old David Jarman, and 38 year old Albert Morris by prostituting himself to them. Once a victim was enticed, Bowles strangled them, and stole their credit cards. He also had several convictions for armed robbery, hospitalized his stepfather in his early teens, and served a 6 year prison sentence for sexually assaulting his girlfriend.
100. Donald Dillbeck (~1979-2023, lethal injection): In 1979, Dillbeck stole a car, and was pulled over by a deputy, 31 year old Dwight Hall. After a prolonged chase and scuffle, Dillbeck shot and killed Hall with his own gun. He was then given a life sentence for Hall's murder. Dillbeck escaped from prison in 1990, and stabbed 44 year old Robbie Vann to death while trying to seize her car. The pursuing officers recaptured him shortly after the killing, and he was sentenced to death for Vann's murder.
101. Louis Gaskin (~1986-2023, lethal injection): Gaskin started his burglary spree by breaking into the home of couple, 56 year old Robert and 55 year old Georgette Sturmfels. He shot them both dead, and stole their lamp, VCR set, and some jewelry and money. His second target was a house owned by 38 year old Joseph Rector and his wife Mary (age unknown). Although Gaskin shot Joseph, the couple both managed to escape him with their lives. Due to him wearing a ninja costume as a disguise during the robberies, he was dubbed as the "Ninja Killer" by media outlets. Gaskin also had a few robbery convictions at the time of the murders.
102. Darryl Barwick (1983-2023, lethal injection): Barwick stalked 24 year old Rebecca Wendt as she was sunbathing in a pool, followed her to her apartment, and forced himself inside to rob it. He stabbed Wendt 37 times and raped her. At the age of 16, Barwick had committed a similar act of rape and burglary against an unidentified woman, and was released from prison 3 months before Wendt's murder.
103. Duane Owen (1984-2023, lethal injection): Owen raped 14 year old Karen Slattery while burglarizing a home she was babysitting at, and stabbed her to death. A few months later, Owen burglarized another home owned by 38 year old Georgianna Worden. She was sexually assaulted and fatally beaten with a hammer. He was captured while breaking into another house on the same day, and confessed to Worden and Slattery's murders
104. James Barnes (~1988-2023, lethal injection): In 1988, Barnes invaded the home of 41 year old Patricia Miller, and tied her up with her own shoelaces. She was sexually assaulted, beaten to death with a hammer, and Barnes set her bed on fire to destroy any evidence of the crime. 9 years later, Barnes strangled his estranged wife, 44 year old Linda, to death in her home, and stuffed the body into a closet. He stayed in the house until he was arrested by police officers. Barnes also admitted to the shooting deaths of Chester Wetmore, a 14 year old runaway, and Brenda Fletcher, a 50 year old prostitute, but was never charged for their killings. According to Barnes, he killed both victims for stealing from him.
105. Michael Zack III (1996-2023, lethal injection): Zack befriended two women, 40 year old Laura Rosillo and 31 year old Ravonne Smith, while hanging out at bars. He lured Rosillo to the beach with the promise of drugs, and assaulted her with a tire iron. Rosillo was raped, strangled to death, and he buried her body in a sand dune. A day later, he tricked Smith into letting him inside her house. She was smashed in the head with a glass bottle, raped, and stabbed to death. Zack then fled with her car, television set, VCR, and her purse. On a different note, when he was a child, Zack’s older sister dismembered their mother with an ax over an argument regarding the sister’s boyfriend. He used that story to gain the sympathy of his victims. His sister (who was simply institutionalized rather then incarcerated for the murder) also testified about their stepfather’s alleged abuse of them at his trial, though the prosecutors debunked most of her stories.

I’m on mobile so I’m sorry for any formatting issues. Trigger warning for upsetting content. I hope this finds its way to the right people someday..
I’m Star, and this is my story
The night I finally decided to tell my story I found true liberation. I had to come to terms that I had 3 out comes I had to be ok with. So following what advice I’d give someone else is either going to be the best thing, worst thing, or most insignificant thing I ever decide to do. I can’t use my past as a crutch or excuse to why I’m not living the life I dreamed of.
I guess I’m in for the worlds biggest reality check.
I had a typical life up until pre k. My family packed up our little trailer in Vacherie, Louisiana and nothing has been the same since. I went from growing up close with both sides of my parents family to almost complete isolation.
My dad was in search to lead his family and give us the best life he could possibly provide. With that honest sentiment he found a group of people that became our new family - and for the majority of my life our only family. Family birthdays slowly turned into fellowships. Summer vacation became going to church in different parts of California. Every Thanksgiving was in the sister church in Texas. The majority of our travel time was going to church to which we already went to 3 times a week. We didn’t celebrate any holidays, I couldn’t participate in team sports at school, go to dances, prom, sleepovers with school friends, wear certain clothing, watch certain movies and tv shows, you know, the typical religious restrictions people may encounter. However, this went deeper.
I grew up in a religious cult. Now that I’m way on the other side of that life, I can finally admit it and not feel guilty. I befriended many people I still have fond memories of. I stayed in contact with a few others that have left. There were good people there and some probably still are. These are people I shared decades of my life with. I used to feel some need to protect them from my truth and what I really thought and felt sitting in those pews. I still have my struggles with this.
I remember many significant events. The founder of the church getting shot was the biggest. We all gathered at the church and got on our knees and prayed. Everyone. It didn’t matter your age. I was primary school aged getting on my knees and calling to Jesus. I mimicked what I saw. This ritual only happened when a major event threatened the church or if someone high up in status was on the brink of death or needed extra prayer. I can only recall 3 times I experienced this first hand. Another memorable event was when the leaders went on CBS to defend the churches from allegations of ‘selling tickets to heaven.’ After all, my entire life we were taught that they were the one and only true followers of Christ and the only people making it to what was called a third heaven.
I submitted as much as a child could to what I learned in the church until puberty. As a preachers daughter, I was always expected to act and carry myself in a certain way. I didn’t feel that lifestyle was how I wanted to spend my one chance at life. School was my salvation from home and church. It was the only time I could be me although I was always a diluted version. I made friends, but of course I could never cultivate those friendships outside of school. There was only so many ‘no’s’ to attending sleepovers, parties and doing activities with the friends I chose for myself that a child could take. I started to secretly reject what had become a huge chunk of my life.
There were so many unspoken rules you knew to follow. No piercings, no tattoos, no loud colored haifingernails, no consumption of alcohol, you couldn’t consume worldly music or media, if you saw someone that left it was an unspoken rule not to engage with them and rampent homophobia; which I discovered was typical with similar religious practices and/or followed the King James Version of the bible.
But wait, there’s more!
You couldn’t show your shoulders, wear heels over a certain height, skirts and dresses had to be a certain length. I wore shorts in secret or only at my home. You could only marry and date within the church. If you found someone not in the church you like, you had to bring them in or the relationship would be frowned upon. You had to get married there, do your marriage counseling with the ministry, your dress had to cover your shoulders, your bridal party was your selection out of the sisters and brothers and your reception was in the dining hall at the church. Women couldn’t sit on the first pew at church or wear pants. At the time Facebook was the only allowed social media but your posts were watched. I found myself ‘in the office’ many times towards the end of my time there because of social media. If you wanted to make big purchases you had to have an audience with the ministry first. It was a tight knit community. It was a self sufficient community. It was a community that other people have told their stories about and we were told they were just people taking revenge on the church. The family had to stick together and draw others into the church to save more people so they had a chance for eternal life. There were accusations that many women were forced to get abortions to remain part of the ‘body of Christ’ they told us these allegations were lies. When you’ve been taught and controlled your whole life to eat whatever they feed you, you are obeditent and don’t ask questions. Plus why would my story change anything? Others before me spoke out. Some were silenced, some stories were buried and with that I just kept quiet. I have so many accounts about this church that I need to let go of. A religious relationship with life may work for some and that should be respected; personally it didn’t resonate with the person I want to be. I don’t want to sensationalize this piece of my life it is what it is; it was what it was. I don’t want to leave a door open for my past to feel welcome to my present. To this day I still have nightmares about my family and I being stuck there or going back voluntarily.
I wasn’t allowed to just leave the church and stop coming. How would that look if a preacher couldn’t control his own daugther? The mixture of teenage angst, middle child syndrome, and bipolar depression came together to create the perfect storm -but- in this storm Star was born. The only control I had over my life was through writing. As a teen I rarely left my room. It was me, my guitar, books, music and the magic of movies that kept me as sane as someone in my situation could be. Star became her own entity. She was my salvation in separating my reailty to a dream world so Theresa could survive. Every now and then she had to take over. If I couldn’t leave, I had to find a way out by more drastic measures. It started with pretending to be sick every now and then or purposely waiting to do my homework during church services so I could sit in a back room instead of pretending to take notes and be engaged in the services. This wasn’t enough for me long term so I had to up the ante. I fell into a cycle of self harm. I remember one damn near successful suicide attempt. When I was in the hospital only the ministry was allowed to see me. They told me when I got out the hospital, they would call me into the office to talk about why I did what I did. I never felt such dread and I wished I was dead in that moment. I saw the way it broke my mothers heart to see me in that position. I never attempted suicide again no matter how much I felt I wanted to escape my life. I spent about 2 weeks in a behavioral facility and to be honest, I never felt more free at the time. Unfortunately, back to church I still had to go. I came up with a plan that would change my trajectory permanently. I had to get myself kicked out of the church.
In the world of alternative modeling I found a community that became my new universe and my ticket to freedom. It’s because of this community I can even tell my story. I began posting risqué photos and I went all in with nude modeling. When this was discovered, I got called into the office one last time. I remember being asked if that the type of content I made me feel good about myself and that question made to feel so small. It felt like my own David and Goliath story when I spoke up and said, “yes, it does.” I believe this was the first time I ever didn’t let my fear decide my fate. I wanted to do what I wanted, how I wanted and when I want to do it. I didn’t want to care what anyone thought of me. I didn’t want to follow a lifestyle that sucked the life out of me. It’s this mindset that took years to come to its peak to practice what I preach. Little me always wanted to sing and put on a show. She wanted to make music. She wanted to create movies. She wanted to make people laugh and smile. She wanted to voice characters on her favorite tv shows. She wanted to explore and experience everything life had to offer even if she was always taught the world has nothing and it would just eat you up and spit you out. But I would choose to be digested by the world over and over again before I waste my time bound to the expectations of others. If I knew then what I know now, I would tell myself go be that theater kid, go audition for movies follow your true passions instead of making choices out of necessity to have a typical life. I often wonder who I would’ve been if I lived a different life. A normal life.
Now here I am ready to, for once, truly try doing what my inner child always dreamed of. I have so many songs that need to find a home and I’m doing that by following the only formula I know- bearing my soul and putting myself out there. I’m currently working on updating old lyrics and creating new songs so I can contact people to collaborate with. I’ve never been one for reality, so of course I have to do this my way. It’s time to stop telling myself that it’s too late and coming up with excuses to avoid the inevitably of failure. I was stuck in the societal mindset that you had to achieve everything in your 20s. There’s already failure in not trying. Of course I have no clue where or how to start with my limited experience and resources. I was gonna be that crazy person to walk in any and every record company and have them read my songs. Of course the industry doesn’t work that way, and why would it for me? I’m nothing special. Every artist feels their work will touch someone out there. Maybe nothing will come from this, maybe I’ll get to work with local artists or maybe my works will just find success in being posted here for few to read.
Since writing my initial story, I have yet again evolved. If I was going to go down this road I had to do things the right way and build a strong foundation from scratch. While learning how to navigate the unknown I found someone who elevated my mindset. The world connected me with vocal coach, Jeanetta, who turned my world upside down in the best way. I went from discovering I’ve been singing wrong my whole life to being able to write essays on how much I learned about proper singing techniques and from only wanting to write for others to constructing my own projects and concepts. She’s been my mentor in helping me unlock parts of me that I didn’t know were there and parts of me I’ve forgotten existed. I’ve been down a rabbit hole of crafting my sound and uncovering my voice. I could go off on a tangent about the excitement this journey has brought to me. I’ve made a few demos and dived in head first networking with whoever wants to share their knowledge with me. I had to realize nothing about my path is “normal” and I need to stop dimming myself to blend in common spaces. I’m never going to know normalcy. I can only find people who share a similar vision and will accept me as I am. I’m just going to keep going until I find them or they find me. Either way- I’m going to find out if it’s possible to fly with clipped wings.

Reddit Account: The-Lightbringer
Discord Tag: Indigo
Name and House: The High Septon
Age: 26
Cultural Group: Andal
Appearance: Rumor tells that no mortal eyes have glimpsed the face of the man once known as Septon Amory. He garbs himself in liturgical vestments of silver and pure white embroidered with thread-of-gold, the sleeves and skirts of his robes covering everything underneath. On his right hand he wears a doeskin glove, and his left is always carefully bandaged with clean strips of white linen. A single ring adorns his finger, the heavy silver and gold piece that bears his signet. Instead of a crystal coronet, he wears a simple cloth headdress of the same make as his other garments. The most striking and visible feature of the High Septon are his eyes, a piercing shade of blue, deep as the sky in summer, seen through the ornate silver of the mask that veils all else from view.
Trait: Mastermind
Skill(s): Covert (e), Sabotage (e), Ravenmaster
Talent(s): N/A
Negative Trait(s): Maimed (Left Arm)
Starting Title(s): His High Holiness, Father and Shepherd of the Faithful, Voice of the Seven, Supreme Leader of the Faith Militant, The Ecumenical Arbitrator of the Will of the Father, and so on.
Starting Location: Opening Event
Alternate Characters:N/A

Family Tree

N/A

Biography

A son was born in the year before the Conqueror’s arrival to the Lord of Riverrun’s younger brother, who served as a household knight and steward of the keep. Known by all as a proud and shrewd man, he worked diligently in his efforts to maintain the finances and prestige of their house. Not long afterwards, a sister made her appearance, and the riverlords rejoiced for their many blessings. Taken on by his uncle as a page and cupbearer at the age of six, the boy began the long journey towards knighthood. He served Lord Tully’s food, cleaned his armor, fed his hounds, and held a sword for the first time, albeit a training weapon. Whenever his services were not needed, he learned heraldry and horseback riding, attending his father and the other men on hunts within the Whispering Wood.
One of the boy’s earliest glimpses of memory was fire and blood. Buildings crumbling, dust choking, fire scorching, and the heavy, beating wings and terrible roar of a furious beast. When the septons arrived to bless the remains of the deceased, they found him tucked in a corner of the ruined stables, clutching at the corpse of his nameday gift, an orange tabby kitten. The hair had been singed from his small head, his skin was blistered and weeping, and the fingers of his left hand were fused together by the heat. Taken to Stoney Sept by his saviors, he spent many long, terrible weeks in a milk of the poppy-induced sleep at the hands of the healers, who fought tirelessly to keep the Stranger away. When he woke, he blessedly remembered nothing of the ordeal.
The kindly Septon Ambrose oversaw the boy’s continued education – reading, writing, numbers and history, all with a focus on the workings of the Faith. Amory, as they called him, was a quick and attentive learner. He made many friends amongst the wandering septons, sitting rapt at attention whenever they told stories of the realms beyond the borders of their humble home. His true identity was kept as a closely guarded secret by those who found him, for fear of bringing dragonfire down upon their heads. At five and ten, Amory set aside his brown cowl for robes of white, the youngest ever ordained septon (to anyone’s knowledge). He took to wearing a carved wooden mask to hide his scars from the world, though he’d long forgotten where they even came from. Traveling the riverlands from village to village, he held sermons on the goodness and grace of the Seven and healed the smallfolk of their spiritual ailments, performing marriages, blessing infants and forgiving sins. As a wandering minister, he became immensely popular, garnering much fame and attention and often being asked to visit various towns and villages.
While delivering sermons south of the Trident, Amory was called back to Stoney Sept where Ambrose lay upon his deathbed. The truth was revealed in the dying gasp of the old man; he was really Tristram Tully, the last of a fallen house. Utterly shaken by the news, he spent seven days and seven nights struggling with his beliefs while holding vigil within the sept for all that he’d lost – his family, his adopted father, and his name. He tore his robes and his hair, scourged his back bloody and raw, and prostrated himself before the gods. By the end of it, his faith had not fled but grown even deeper, for though he could no longer stand against the Targaryens in the name of House Tully, he firmly believed that the Seven would guide him on the path to retribution. On the morning of the eighth day, he emerged from the sept and made preparations to leave the village of his youth behind. He would travel to the Westerlands, where rumors told of a new militant order of the Faith on the rise.
There, he made the acquaintance of knights such as Ser Morden ‘Morningstar’, who became his traveling companion, and Ser Alesander, an aspiring captain within the Warrior’s Sons. Just two years after arriving at the temple, his popularity in the West had grown to heights rivaling the riverlands. While wandering with his constant shadow, he spoke out against the treatment of the smallfolk by the upper class during times of war: the fires set in their villages, the looting of their homes and the rape of their women. How, during times of peace, they were forced to hand over their hard-earned food for the lord’s granary and their coin for the king’s taxes. The rich in their castles lived in great excess and benefitted from the suffering of those who worked the land and lived simple, honest, godly lives. He paid for any provisions requisitioned from families out of his own pocket, and such was the fame and magnanimity of Amory that eventually the folk came running out to meet him whenever he arrived to give a sermon, acclaiming his name and offering gifts.
Whenever Septon Amory left the Westerlands behind, he was accompanied by a sizable flock of supporters, Warrior’s Sons, Poor Fellows and peasants alike. His teachings proved to be substantiated when the lords of the Reach answer with violence against the crowd. As the ground ran red with the blood of the martyrs, the High Septon himself was pressured to denounce the slaughter of the septons and their followers. Mercenary companies were unleashed by various lords to quell the unrest, which only served to harden the hearts of the smallfolk and the Faith Militant against them. Continuing on toward Oldtown, Amory was granted refuge at Holyhall for a time, where he befriended the bastard grandson of Lord Graceford. The two remained in touch even after the septon’s departure, and exchanged many letters.
Upon arriving at the city, a meeting was arranged with the High Septon himself, along with members of his council, and representatives from various lords. They offered to build Amory his own sept, tempted him with mountains of gold, and even promised a position within the Most Devout if he would control his fanatical followers and stop railing against the nobility, all to no avail. He could not be bribed, claiming to see the Faith as it truly was at that time – corrupt beyond redemption, and maintained that he had been chosen by the Seven as its savior. In his own words, the ‘wicked would fall before the righteous, and all creation would tremble before the standards of the faithful.’ Able to do very little against his growing influence, the High Septon was forced to concede, granting the Warrior’s Sons a portion of the land held by the Faith within Oldtown to build a chapterhouse.
Remarkably, things seemed to settle after that in spite of Septon Amory’s words. He busied himself with overseeing the building of the chapterhouse, and took to wandering the Reach as he had previously. The smallfolk were found to be as malleable as any he’d encountered thus far, and it wasn’t long before he had become a figure of great eminence among them. A year passed, and then another, and still a third, after which the uprisings all but seemed a thing of the past. The Warrior’s Sons kept themselves busy with expanding their holdings and influence, and Amory’s decree became little more than an afterthought. All was truly well, until the High Septon suddenly became ill after a meeting attended by members of various orders. Although a robust and healthy man, he began to waste away over the course of days, with the maesters of the Citadel and numerous holy men doing what they could to treat a perceived stomach illness. Eventually, his speech became too slurred to comprehend, and he died on the seventh day.
After a period of mourning and funerary rites, the Most Devout began the selection process to determine which of them would become the new High Septon. Before the voting could conclude, the Warrior’s Sons arrived at the steps of the Starry Sept with a figure both familiar and altogether new at their head. Septon Amory had shed his humble appearance as an adder sheds its skin, exchanging his wooden mask for one of silver and his plain linen robes for richly embroidered vestments. He was thusly appointed as the new High Septon by the Most Devout out of fear of his power and influence. His first act was to renounce the false gods of the East and to affirm that, as decreed by the laws laid down within the holy texts by the Seven, incest was an abomination. An excess of wealth was then transferred to the Westerlands for the upkeep of the temple garrison there. Many more drastic changes would take place after the new High Septon’s rise to power.
The first of these was the formation of the Knights Inquisitor, tasked with rooting out and punishing heretics within ecclesiastical courts. With the Faith Militant spreading to other kingdoms, the order was desperately in need of cohesive leadership. Ser Alesander, now Warden of the Temple, was anointed a third and final time and raised to the position of Grand Captain of the Warrior’s Sons. The Exemplary Soldiers of the Holy Brotherhood of the Sword were chartered, with seven of the greatest champions of the Faith chosen to serve as pillars of authority and shining examples of virtue. They pledged their swords not to the will of man, but to the gods themselves. Members of the Most Devout found embezzling money or otherwise participating in corrupt practices were ousted from their positions, which were then filled by the High Septon’s loyal followers. A lengthy meeting with Lord Hightower soothed any tensions that remained between the Reachlords and the faithful, and established much favor between them.

Timeline

1 BC – Born at Riverrun.
5 AC – Becomes a page for his uncle, Lord Tully.
7 AC – His home and family are destroyed by House Targaryen and he is found by septons who nurse him back to health. Septon Ambrose begins tutoring him.
14 AC – Ordained as a septon.
17 AC – Septon Ambrose tells him the truth of his origins on his deathbed before passing away. He travels to the Westerlands to join the fledgling Warrior’s Sons.
19 AC – Leaves the temple and travels to the Reach with a large following. Skirmishes erupt between the holy men and the nobility.
20 AC – Founds the Oldtown chapter of the Warrior’s Sons.
24 AC – Annointed as the High Septon.
25 AC – Travels to King’s Landing for the festivities.
Name and House: Morden ‘Morningstar’
Age: 32
Cultural Group: Andal
Appearance: Outwardly, the sworn defender of the High Septon is a plain-looking man. Fair of skin, with a chiseled face, brown hair, and two bright, attentive eyes, and he stands well above average height. His armor is steel and bronze with very little embellishment, and he carries an enormous mace in the place of a sword. On his shield is the device of the Warrior’s Sons, and from his shoulders hangs a cloak striped with the seven colors of the Faith. Inwardly, the septon-turned-knight is a man of great faith and piety, deeply linked to the knightly code of honor. The man shows absolute loyalty even to his enemies, while charity and help are the rules of his life. He considers excessive violence abhorrent, does his utmost for the weak and vanquished, and burns with furious anger in the face of all cruelty and injustice.
Trait: Hale
Skill(s): Blunt Weapons (e), Brute
Talent(s): N/A
Negative Trait(s): N/A
Starting Title(s): Septon Knight, Defender of the Faith, Sworn Shield of His High Holiness
Starting Location: Opening Event
Alternate Characters: N/A

Family Tree

N/A

Timeline

7 BC – Born to a smallfolk family from the Westerlands.
3 AC – Sent away to study at the local sept by his mother, who can no longer afford to feed him and nine other siblings.
5 AC – Taken on as a squire by the septon knight Ser Edmure the True, continuing his studies as both a holy man and a soldier.
9 AC – Anointed as a septon.
11 AC – Assists Ser Edmure in saving a family of farmers from bandits and is knighted for his bravery.
15 AC – Joins up with the Warrior’s Sons under the direction of Septon Karron.
17 AC – Meets Septon Amory and acquires Jeb Adaron as a squire.
22 AC – Knights Ser Jeb for outstanding skill and valor in a melee held at Starpike.
24 AC – Amory receives the mantle of High Septon and Morden is appointed as his faithful shield.
25 AC – Accompanies the High Septon to King’s Landing for the feast in honor of the princes.

Supporting Characters

Septon Ilyn (Questioner) – A confessor in the personal service of the High Septon.
Symond of the Seven-Pointed Star (General) – A champion of the Faith who serves as the commander of the Warrior’s Sons in Oldtown.

Hey yall, I said in my first post here a few days ago that I only recently started watching Bridgerton. I’ve worked in television myself (behind the scenes on reality shows!) for the past two years and I’ve always been an analytical, observant person who digs a bit deeper - especially on content I watch - and so I wanted to give my (initial) thoughts on 3.1 and the characters because I’ve literally been thinking about it nonstop since it dropped, like the rest of you!
THE ROMANTIC LEADS:
First and foremost, I need a gigantic round of applause for Nicola Coughlan. Aside from the obvious, let me explain why.
It seems that the romantic leads in each season equally led the show. Daphne and Simon’s story arcs were prominent in their season and well established/explained. Their growth was clear. Same goes for Anthony as a subplot in that season which then became one of the big focuses in his own season. Kate had her own focus and character development.
Colin to me… it wasn’t really hinted to in S1 but there were little scenes here and there in S2 that indicated what his motivations or intentions were to be for S3 (the whole “I travelled the world for months to find my purpose in life, turns out it was across the street from me all along” thing). It’s clear so many of the fandom feel strongly that some of the rake-like decisions the character made in 3.1 were so far from what we know Colin to be - I understand and certainly agree - but it does seem to be related to this purpose thing which I think a lot of us do get at the same time. Violet put it in a great way (without knowing) with the armour analogy and saying he is one of her more sensitive children. This is his most endearing personality trait. Anyways, I’m getting away from the point - to me, the character development for Colin was rushed and not entirely well thought out in these four episodes compared to the last two seasons. Which I think is rather odd! It was only nearer the end of Part 1 when he had his outburst with his douchey friends that we saw the old Colin we know and love but a more ‘realised’ version if that makes sense. So in my head Colin wasn’t strong enough as the male lead. Given the Part 2 teaser though, I have confidence this is about to change and I’m so damn excited for June to get here.
Now then. Miss Coughlan I think you need a deep tissue massage. Because Penelope CARRIED THE WHOLE SHOW ON HER BACK. It is immensely clear to see how our sweet Pen has grown from the very first episode to the… ahem. The carriage scene. Arguably it’s the most powerful character development in the show thus far. Season 2 was my favourite but I could devote a whole new post to how Penelope made me feel in Part 1. The amount of times I was close to tears because of how much her dialogue and development resonated with me, ooh boy.
PLOT-SUBPLOT BALANCE:
I did notice though that the plot-subplot balance was off kilter in Part 1 and I hope this is rectified (if possible) in Part 2. I think that actually hurt the show more than the writers realise - as I said earlier, Daphne/Simon and Kate/Anthony led their seasons in equal measure, and there was a healthy amount of subplot scenes in each episode which tied off well too. For example Anthony being a manwhore in season 1. Eloise hunting for LW in season 2. Benedict pursuing art. The Featheringtons being… the Featheringtons in both seasons.
If we had had the seeds of this new Mondrich arc being planted in S2, then I’d understand why there are suddenly so many scenes of them in Part 1. It made sense to have the family be in S1 because of their connection to Simon. S2 also made sense because of Cousin Jack, and then the last bit where we see Colin apologise to Will and bring new men to his club. In my opinion they should’ve left them there (no disrespect to the actors, they are great). Other subplots could’ve had much less screen time too but I think that was the biggest.
Onto these other people/subplots. Eloise and Cressida took us all by surprise but Cressida being vulnerable even more so. It seems like Lord Cowper is the total opposite of what Lord Featherington was - overbearing instead of underbearing. Cressida is growing on me (I too am shocked I just said that.) very slowly. If it’s not her dramatically changing outfit choices that become increasingly bizarre showcasing the desperate of the Cowpers to marry her off, it’s her being vulnerable to Eloise when we’ve all been used to disliking her.
Benedict having sex with hot women we’ve seen before, I’m not entirely sure why we needed to see it again (though I’m not entiiiiirely complaining…) I just hope and wish it was more fruitful in the sense that we saw Anthony want to stop being a rake at the end of season 1 so it would’ve been better to see that sort of change in Benedict here. But there’s still hope for that to transpire in Part 2, particularly given the little book knowledge I know of Benedict’s romantic life and what we are to expect in his season and hope for in 3.2.
Having said that, given it’s most likely S4 will focus on Benedict, it would’ve so much been better if they gave Francesca’s big subplot in Part 1 to Benedict. Especially if we are to follow the pattern we’ve had so far of the following season’s main Bridgerton lead leading the main subplot of the season before (Anthony being a broody rake, Colin having an existential crisis) I love the fuck out of Francesca story arc and love John - I was kicking my feet and giggling at the silence on the sofa scene and the musical notes - but we should’ve been having this stuff in S4, not 3. It makes no sense to me.
Portia/Philippa/Prudence as a subplot made sense for me because of their storyline in seasons 1 and 2, it only makes sense of it to carry on (and remain fucking hysterical). Nothing more to say, the comedy just writes itself and there’s a healthy amount of time dedicated to their ongoing storyline.
The imbalance has impacted Colin’s development as an individual and Polin as a developing couple/relationship. There could’ve been so much more longing, jealousy, accidental touches, hot dreams, close encounters, desire, angst, and everything in between. Basically, there could’ve been time to put a regency romantic spin on what is essentially the foundations of your classic Hallmark movie.
EVERYTHING ELSE:
The dialogue continues to impress - particularly when Lord Cowper says “Stay away from the Bridgerton girl”, it tells us how the Bridgerton family is slowly but surely becoming a poisonous or risky household to be associated with, given their scandals every other week. Or it could be specifically linked to Eloise’s “fraternising with political radicals” thing and not wanting to be associated with that in case it damages Cressida’s dwindling marriage prospects and the Cowpers’ reputation.
Ruth Gemmell was quietly brilliant in just four episodes. She always was but this was another level. I’m in awe of how she’s been quietly observant of Colin and Francesca falling in love but wanting to deny it because of society or whatever else, and gently guiding them to their heart’s desires. (I so want Marcus to tend her garden oh my goDDDDD)
I liked that Lady Whistledown was even more in the spotlight in terms of dialogue. I mean we expected this anyway for obvious reasons, but I loved how we really SAW and understood what Pen/LW was saying.
A little voice in my head wants to go through each episode and analyse it in more detail because there’s just so much depth to take in.
But anyways, those are my initial thoughts! I’d love to see what you guys think and discuss.
June needs to get here way faster… tick tock, tick tock.

A somewhat atypical idea, but a list of queries from monsters.
Monsters are all creatures from the monster reference books as well as creepy urban legends that can theoretically be given stats.
I've also made it so that some entries have two requests, so kinda plot hooks for mini-campaigns.

1. A giant has heard fairy tales about dwarves. They want to see living proof.
2. A hag asks you to help her clean out her swamp, which is overrun by Dryads and Pixie, who have also spooked her chicken-legged residence, which the party should also find.
3. An orc father asks you to protect his son's marriage ceremony. A secret oni admirer wants to prevent the marriage, but maybe you can help the person deal with their jealousy.
4. A Kuchisake-onna asks you to buy her a box of confectionery.
5. Five skeletons need your help to find the culprit who resurrected one of their friends because the necromancer and their mistress doesn't take their concerns seriously. (So it's a reverse murder mystery.)
6. A band of Kobolds need your help to find a way to make peace with a rival band of Goblins. The goblin gang is willing to make peace if the party helps them get rid of a giant ant colony.
7. Mediate between a harpy couple and the town guard as they are in disagreement over who is permitted to use the temporarily abandoned observation tower.
8. A desperate blind friendly neighbourhood medusa is looking for someone to help her care for her snakes, which are struggling to shed their skin due to stress.
9. A Frost Giant on a glacier is looking for someone to take his letter to a Fire Giantess in a volcano.
10. An ogre is looking for a tutor to finally learn to read. If the Game Master wishes, it may turn out later that the ogre has become a famous bestselling author.
11. A Jorōgumo wants to sell her spider biscuits and wants someone to test them for her. When taste-testing them, you notice that they have crispy crickets in them. [Inspired by snakebite262's suggestion]
12. A group of goblins are squabbling over their newest trinket. Think of a contest to determine who is most worthy! [From snakebite262]
13. A siren is tired of performing to only to potential shipwreck victims and wishes to entertain the world. Help her put together a band and find her a decent manager and the party will find her performing at tavern or square the party will visit. [From MutatedMutton]
14. A young orc has to undergo a dangerous hunt as per his coming of age. Unfortunately, he boasted too hard and chose a target way above his head and begs the party to secretly aid him. Helping him gives you inroads to befriending a powerful orc tribe. [From MutatedMutton]
15. You come across the camp of Onis and find them skinny, weak and depressed. If pressed they will explain that they ran afoul of a kitsune sorcerer who put a curse on them that caused any alcohol they touch to turn into water and have been despondent since. They plead for you to meet with this sorcerer and cure this curse by any means and in return they will throw you a massive party and you will gain the support of a powerful band of oni. [From MutatedMutton]
16. A huge dragon has been causing a ruckus near a town, shaking the earth and belching foul smoke. Should the party meet the beast, the dragon will explain that it is under painful intestinal distress and promises to leave the town outskirt, along with his treasure, if the party enters him and clears it out. Prepare to fight dangerous dragon parasites if the party agrees. [From MutatedMutton]
17. A spectre has been haunting a town and driving its inhabitants mad. It is the ghost of a murdered denizen and tells the party it will not rest until its murderer, A town noble who fled into self-exile after the deed, is brought to justice. [From MutatedMutton]
18. A coven hag and hill giant have struck a romance! Awww. Unfortunately, their dens are separated by a town friendly to the party but not the monsters and unless the party agrees to play messenger and matchmaker, they will "meet in the middle" as it were. [From MutatedMutton]
19. A goblin request the adventuring parties aid in getting revenge on a different adventure party that murdered all his dungeon dwelling family. [From dragondirector]
20. A werewolf asks for your help in finding a way to remove her curse so she can help her lover - a kumiho - become human through a self-sacrifice. It turns out that Kumiho is also looking for a way to satisfy her hunger for fresh liver, so that she can become a human(oid), unaware that her lover is a werewolf.
21. A salamander asks that you protect its fire snake children through the material plane. [From MGSOffcial]
22. An ancient Awakened Tree asks for your help. It was awakened against its will and isn't happy about its new ability to think and move, so it'll ask you to help find its original roots and then revert the enchantment. [From theoneru]
23. An ancient Lich requests that you find a terribly embarrassing love letter they wrote centuries ago. You are allowed, to deliver the letter to the recipients, which turns out to be a person who has been decapitated in the meantime and resurrected as a Dullahan.
24. A lonesome werebear living in the forest asks you to poll nearby villagers to see whether they would feel more comfortable encountering him in his man form or his bear form. [From William_O_Braidislee]
25. A gnoll, an ogre, and a slime are having an eating contest, and the Party is welcome to join. [From snakebite262]

1. Should we all reproduce just because we can?
Obviously not. If someone has hereditary diseases of any kind they ought to abstain from reproduction until they are healed. There are many things which our bodies can do but we offer our lives & bodies in selfless service for a larger society & abstain from using our bodies for selfish reproduction that adds to consumers in society.
1.1. So what if someone has hereditary diseases why should they not reproduce?
If the act of bringing a child compromises the quality of life of the child or the people who are already there in society then bringing an additional child / consumer is a wrong against the rest of society
1.2. What do you mean by hereditary diseases? my Dad/ Mom has a hereditary hai skin issues, should I not reproduce then?
As a society we must have high standards for what we pass onto the next generation.
One too many people in Africa despite having hair & skin issues reproduce even when they are living on a piece of desert land.
If you ask them how they will provide for their children, they say things like "but I feel rich" or if they are more subtle they will say "God will provide".
For e.g. A lady in Africa with a desert land the size of a parking lot and a tin shed said she "felt rich" & had the right to reproduce.
An African gentleman said he found ladies who suffered from hereditary diseases attractive & a suitable companion for reproduction.
We as a people need higher standards so others may imitate/emulate us.
1.3. Is it ok to have children if we say "God will provide" & "Trust in Allah SWT"?
If there are people living in the streets & people without homes, without cars, without the best education, without friends/lovers, without clothing or food (panhandling) & people are suffering then it is incumbent that first as a society we set aside homes, cars, clothing, food, education for life (for the rest of the new born's life) BEFORE we bring life into this world.
People who say "trust in God" as an excuse for reproduction usually are taking the incorrect way out by putting the blame upon God for unplanned reproduction.
2. Can people reproduce if they are entirely healthy & there is no chance of passing a hereditary disease onto another?
Suppose the people of a nation are entirely healthy, but if they compromise the quality of life of another by producing yet another consumer, while members of society are without housing ownership, privacy, life-long transportation, life-long clothing , life-long food supply, education, life-long healthcare, land ownership, life long gainful employment, prosperity & equality, then the act of adding more children becomes something immoral & a wrong done to society.
2.1. What if a society has all the resources & we are not compromising another person's quality of life & we are perfectly healthy, can we reproduce now?
Reproduction should be demand based. This means select people may volunteer their genes for reproduction IF there is a demand in society for additional peoples and there are resources available for additional peoples. If as a society, people do not find a certain phenotype or genotype desirable then it is wrong to encumber the larger society with children (even if you have resources & are perfectly healthy etc.).
2.2. Ok I am perfectly healthy & wealthy, how do I know if my children are going to be a desirable phenotype or genotype?
People who are not considered beautiful/ attractive/ gorgeous / desirable by larger society ought to abstain from reproduction UNTIL they are become beautiful, attractive, gorgeous, desirable. People who are desirable ought to volunteer their sperms & eggs for reproduction in an external womb (so the women are spared the trials of child bearing).
2.2.1 What do you mean by having children in "external wombs"?
As a people we need to spare women the stresses, trauma & pains of child birth. In stead of in-utero births we ought to transition to in-vitro births. This means we use external wombs to fertilize, gestate & birth children instead of exposing women to the trauma of birth. Women are made for loving NOT for use as baby manufacturing factories (childbirth compromises women's health, their bodies, their mood & their availability as lovers).
2.2.2 Did not God ask Adam & Eve to go forth & multiply?
Childbirth & its pains are the result of the fall from Eden (as prophesied by God when Adam was misled by the d-vil in the garden of Eden, a prophecy of the impending curse of childbirth). The injunction was for life then in those days, not the fallen life now with so much race-harm, overcrowding, overpopulation & inequity.
2.3. What if I am swarthy as a result of suffereing race-harm & I have been oppressed & stigmatized (my skin burned & subjected to heat & humidity hence my hair is curly, my eyes have gone from blue to brown / black & the cartilage of my nose has melted so it is larger) am I still allowed to reproduce?
If someone has been oppressed & stigmatized it is all the more important that they first heal themselves & it is incumbent on the larger society to make every good faith effort to heal the ethnic non-white oppressed first BEFORE they reproduce.
2.4. What if I am healthy& fair & still not considered attractive? What do people know? they follow fads & silly trends?
The standards of beauty ought to be set by trained, educated, specialists & aesthetes who are trained in identifying what is a desirable trait , phenotype & genotype. The people should embrace these high standards.
2.5. Is this "eu-genics" (or literally "eu=good , genics = genes")? Is this not what the N-zis tried to do ?
The N-zis also implemented & flew the first jet planes, it does not make everything they did wrong. Some Muslims implement Islam incorrectly this does not make everything about Islam wrong. What is wrong about the N-zis is how they implemented eugenics by hurting & harming our Jewish brothers & sisters. Today Jews are some of the whitest, blondest, blue-eyed peoples (people like Gwenyth Paltrow, Armie Hammer, Zachary Goldsmith the brother Jemima Goldsmith, Bar Rafaeli, Scarlet Johansen, Kate Hudson, Chris Pine (Captain Kirk of Star Trek), Sarah Michelle Gellar, Diana Agron, Evan Rachel Wood, Elizabeth Banks, Goldie Hawn, Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe from Friends), Michael Vartan, Ellen Barkin, Kate Capshaw, Helen Slater etc.)
3. So we are not supposed to reproduce? What are we going to do then?
Make love as selflessly & as much as possible & heal & beautify one another but abstain from reproduction until 1. you are entirely healthy 2. your genotype & phenotype is considered desirable by the highest standards 3. there is a need for replacing people lost due to mortality etc.
4. What about marriage? is not marriage supposed to be about having children?
Marriage is meant so two people may perfect one another (improve one another) & love one another, make love but do not make babies unless in external wombs, approved by aesthetes, the parents are perfectly healthy & without hereditary illnesses & there are resources set aside for life for the expected newborn.
5. Ok I have a tin shed in a shanty town set aside for everyone I dislike. Do I have permission to reproduce now?
Everyone should have everything provided for life: equally good & the highest standards for housing, equally good & the best of transportations, food, clothing, education, perfect health, eternal youth, psychological, mental & physical health & the best of luxuries life has to offer FIRST before additional members are added to society.
6. I don't care about any of the above, I have seen a LOT of Indian Musical Movies & I just want to have black/brown children like the Indians, so who is going to stop me?
If someone reproduces despite being undesirable & having few resources, low standards & or hereditary diseases then they are engaging in a selfish act harming their society & humankind. They may encounter unkindness, exclusion, avoidance & lack of love/ popularity. They are likely to be replaced by a fairer, smarter, more loving peoples as is the case today with the events in the Holy Land where God is obviously favoring the white, blonde, blue eyed Jewish brothers & sisters of ours.
7. I am poor & I feel healthy when I am pregnant, why can't I get pregnant when I want?
Becoming pregnant is not supposed to be a unilateral act but requires the continual consent of atleast one other person (the male biological father) along with that of the larger society which has to then put up with the children. If health is desirable then as a society we may provide free & optimal healthcare that surpasses the health benefits of becoming pregnant. However it is highly immoral to bring another consumer into an already struggling society, particularly if it compromises the quality of life of the child or others in society.
8. why would God give me the ability to get pregnant if I cannot get pregnant whenever I want to?
Just because we have an ability does not mean we may use it without regard for others. For example we may have the ability to sneeze, but it is prudent & ethical to sneeze in a handkerchief or in a sink as opposed to upon other peoples etc.
9. Beauty is "subjective" & in the eye of the beholder, after all the Indians have convinced everyone that their rather unattractive melanochroid women ought to win Ms. World & Ms Universe.
Beauty must have standards. Without standards people end up marrying & making love to what is immoral. For e.g. we have a standard that says, we must find members of the OPPOSITE gender sexually attractive, then we have another standard for beauty where we are attracted to members of the opposite sex who are sweet, kind, nice, rational, abstain from abuse (verbal & physical) etc. If you believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder there is likelihood of immoral sexual behavior like homosexuality & in the case of India one too many villagers are marrying cattle (& engaging in sexual relations with cattle).
What the Indians did in Ms. World & Ms. Universe is typical of what one too many oppressed folk cast spells & delude people into thinking they are "desirable" or beautiful. This is called a kind of a "fever" & is immoral. For e.g. Australoid Africans cast "jungle fever" & Mongoloid Asiatics cast "yellow fever" & Indians cast "brown fever".
10. Why do you say that non-white is NOT beautiful?
Non-white people have the right to be white & beautiful but they are not yet equally beautiful as fortunate, wealthy, healthy white folk. The races emerged as a result of "marking" and "race-harm" where some people were oppressed & stigmatized ("burned skin"). The brown/melanin from the skin is an adaptation to over-exposure to solar radiation & other forms of harm & oppression.
11. Non-whites are products of hot humid & sunlit environs, Whites products of cold & low-light environs, what is wrong with that?
Both environs are meant to detox but they detox or kill bacteria in radically different ways.
Cold decreases bacterial & viral growth & activity until it reaches the freezing point where it may kill the virus or bacteria. It does not leave scars or burn marks (as with heat) & it heals the dweller & preserves the dweller as if the dweller was in a refrigerator. This is preferable as a means of detox or healing a person suffering from physiological & psychological conditions (vices). Heat on the other hand increases bacterial & viral growth & activity (worsening the condition) until it reaches boil point at which point it kills the bacteria. Both heat & cold kill the bacteria in the end however they go about it very differently with heat damaging the patient & scarring them.
Heat literally burns & leaves burn marks & cooks the very human subject. If the heat is combined with water it accelerates disease transmission as humid climes facilitate bacterial / viral infection/ transmission (as the bacteria & virii have an easier time traveling through the water droplets in the air). Heat literally burns & scars the epidermis sometimes permanently (when the burn marks get encoded into the genotype & the darkness is passed to the next generation). Heat also melts the soft cartilage in the nose rendering the nose enlarged & mis-shapen whereas the cold does the opposite (it shapes, constricts & sharpens the features). The heat also literally cooks the hair in the oils of the body & causes it become curly & dark. The heat also burns the iris & turns the blue first into brown and then darker depending on exposure to solar radiation. This damage from solar radiation creates a layer of burned skin on the iris & the epidermis which can be healed.
12. So is it our fault that some of us are non-white? are we non-white folk sinners?
The idolaters wanted to burn the sinners in "heck" or "h-ll". This is race-harm & it is not sanctioned by the Abrahamic faith (Judaism, Christianity & Islam) which advocates mercy, grace, love, healing & heaven for all & an end to man-made heck (& the notion of heck).
13. Who did this "race-harm" to people & make them non-white? Why?
The misguided idolaters created three climate zone after the flood (Hazrath Nuh's time) some 200 years after the flood during the age of Hazrath Nuh (SW)'s descendant Peleg's days. Before Peleg the earth was "pangeastic" (Pangea) : one single landmass with one climate. After the flood the landmass separated into continents & three climate zones were created by the misguided idolaters. The first zone was called the "middle earth" with temperate climes & benign lifeforms (mediterranea or literally middle earth), the next zone was a cold zone called "hyperborea" (or extreme north) which served as purgatory (the cold sterilized or diminished the bacteria & virii & other diseases of body that also create psychological conditions & vices). The third zone was known as "hades" (the ancient name for heck or h_ll). This was where the earth was extremely hot & is the region around the equator , the tropics. Unlike the Mediterranean Hades (hot) & Purgatory (cold) have various functions (as described in point 11).
14. so what should we non-white people do now? should we non-white people just lie down & die?
No, it is important to ask for equality & justice & restoration to whiteness & health. However you cannot do that if you think you are JUST as beautiful & healthy as white peoples who have enjoyed glacially pure waters & snow & clear lakes, flowers, grass etc. If you pretend that you are just as beautiful then you are effectively hiding the crimes done against you by people who made you non-white. If you think white people & non-white people are equally healthy & beautiful you are excusing the wrongs done to non-white folks & covering for the crimes of those who engaged in race harm (this does not mean that people who engaged in race-harm ought to be harmed, they need forgiveness & love & right guidance too). It is possible to be restored to health, beauty, fairness & whiteness at any point and time in a person's life.
TLDR:
1 . we may not reproduce if there is any chance of passing hereditary diseases to the next generation'
1.1. if bringing a child compromises the quality of life of another (including the child) then it is a wrong
1.2. we ought to have high standards before we reproduce.
1.3. we ought to set aside resources BEFORE a child is brought into this world. To say "trust in God" is to excuse the irresponsible reproduction

1. People may not reproduce even if they are healthy but compromise the quality of life of others by reproducing.

2.1. people may not reproduce if they are not the desirable phenotype / genotype
2.2. people who are not considered desirable by the larger society may first become desirable first.
2.2.1 we ought to be having children in external wombs to spare womankind the trials & tribulations of having children.
2.3. if someone has been made non-white they ought to become healthy & white first before reproducing.
2.4. the standards of what is desirable / beautiful ought to be set by trained, educated, specialists & aesthetes
2.5. how you implement an idea is important. Just because someone does not execute an idea well does not mean the idea is wrong or misguided, just the implementation.

1. make love & abstain from having children until you are healthy, desirable & there is a need.
   
2. marriage is so two people may perfect one another.
   
3. everyone should have the highest & best quality of life (equally) before more members are added to society
   
4. if someone has children selfishly with disregard to what is considered desirable & attractive (& or with low standards) then they are likely to encourage unkindness towards themselves & their children.
   
5. becoming pregnant is not a unilateral, bilateral or regional issue, it affects a lot of stakeholders & the good of the stakeholders (the environment, the larger humankind etc.) ought to be considered instead of taking vigilante, self centered action. Taking self-centered or unilateral action results in unkindness & conflict with others.
   
6. just because we have an ability does not mean we may use it as we wish without regard for others
   
7. beauty must have standards for viewing beauty as in the eye of the beholder devolves into aberrant sexuality as with one too many Indians who engage in bestiality. It is immoral to convince people that oppressed non white people are equally beautiful as white folk.
   
8. non-white folk were produced as the result of oppression or overexposure to solar radiation & other environmental stressors.
   
9. it is preferable to detox via cold environs (which preserves) over detoxxing via heat (which burns, mutilates & disfigures).
   
10. it is not the fault of non-white people that they are non-white, they have the right to be healthy & white & must be helped to become so but they need to realize that they need help healing & restoring their health.
    
11. how the climate zones were created & how the misguided engaged in race harm & created the various races
    
12. it is important for all people to realize that race-harm has occurred & to restore & compensate those who have been harmed without harming the criminals who engaged in race-harm & oppressed the other races.