Cartoon diagram of muscles

hi again. I ended up deleting the post in question because it was making me extra anxious, but I posted a combination vent/advice post talking about the extreme back pain I'd been having and how hard the decision to call 911 for help was on me. thank you to everyone here who supported and encouraged me, it means a lot.
lots of medical talk and some serious discussion of fainting from this point on, so read with caution if that's a trigger for you.
so, I've now been in the emergency room for 2 days ( I think? had a major panic attack which felt like it removed a whole day from my mind) as they haven't had a spare bed to actually admit me to the hospital properly. but since I've been here, they've done a lot for my pain and I've had tons of tests.
having to be in the hospital is absolutely fucking miserable for obvious reasons, but I am glad I called for help. my pain was extreme and I started considering 911 because I'd spent an entire day without being able to eat or drink because I just couldn't stand. I hate what agoraphobia does to you. I couldn't fucking feed myself and could hardly make it to the bathroom, but the sheer fear of leaving my apartment really had me trying to just... not seek help. I hate this fucking disorder. it's like a prison.
anyway, I'd been told before I probably had a herniated disc, but that's not the case. so I'm very glad I came. I got a CT scan and they've discovered an approximately 10 inch long teratoma inside me. it's either next to or sprouting off my ovary and is pressing against my spine and my intestines mostly. haven't had bathroom issues thankfully, but can't say the back pain is really any better.
guys, when I say this shit was shocking to see, I'm not exaggerating. I wish I had asked for a copy of my CT scan. imagine a diagram of a human being, and inside there is an football shaped mass shoved against the spine. fucking horrifying. it is a relief to know what's going on, but because of the sheer size of this thing and the fact I'm now completely unable to get up or stand on my own, my doctor told me "you're not leaving the hospital with this still inside you" and is aiming to schedule me for surgery this weekend. she said Monday was also a possibility but was aiming for earlier.
this will be my first time having major surgery in my entire life (I'm 25!) and i don't have any of my coping objects like my plushies or my fidget toys, all I have is my phone.
also, they don't know for sure if the thing is a teratoma actually, but two doctors who've examined the scans in different ways suspect it is. they also just took a crap ton of blood from me to do some testing for cancer a couple of hours ago. cancer is still an option that's on the table.
I'm. exhausted. i'm not even as upset over the possibilities as I can be anymore, and I think that's because the night I arrived was the first time in my entire life I experienced 10/10 pain and spent probably several hours uncontrollably sobbing. they couldn't keep me in a bed forever simply because the ER didn't have enough, and sitting in a chair is the most painful position possible for me, and I couldn't stop sobbing because I was just in so much pain... even after they gave me some heavy pain meds and muscle relaxers...
I came very close to passing out because it hurt to breathe. I am appreciative for being in the hospital because the staff has helped me a lot obviously, but GOD I wish ANYONE could've listened when I was BEGGING for help to breathe. it kept going like:
me: gasping and leaning over nearly fainting PLEASE HELP ME BREATHE I CAN'T FEEL MY LIMBS
staff: yeah, that's because you're breathing really shallowly
me: PLEASE HELP ME BREATHE
staff: take a deep breath in
me: takes a shallow shaky breath in. sputters out. literally forgets to breathe multiple times and accidentally holds my breath and gasps out in pain
staff: yeah just like that
three different. staff members did this to me. and also one nurse tried to give me a call button on a cord, I told him audibly I couldn't move or feel my hands, he shoved it awkwardly in my unmoving fingers and I of course instantly dropped it as he walked away. he came back to check on me and seemed surprised that happened. so that part wasn't ideal. I can't remember well but I think the only thing that stopped my panic was just becoming too exhausted to shout in pain any more. fucking horrific experience.
lol and shout out to the person in the next emergency room seat over from me, who literally raised her voice at me to be quieter and be respectful of other people. and then repeatedly loudly complained to nurses about how loud I was. nurses didn't really give her the time of day about that one, at least. each one put on their "I'm going to be polite but you're an idiot" voice.
everything else has been okayish though. I'm now in a bed again since I think that amount of pained screaming made them realize I need to be in one. im. as okay as an emergency hospital trip for an agoraphobic can be. I ate a hospital cheeseburger that was surprisingly good.
so, how's everybody else's weekend plans?

How goes it buds. We are in the end game, there are only 3-4 chapters left in this book. Let's see how they unfold. We have two questions remaining 1: Lysa and Kyroll accepting one another a bit. 2: what happened to Shiksie?
Next chapter we will have the pair returning to Draun, then the follow on will be learning about Shiksie and what horrible things she did since our lad departed. Then we have wrap up of this book chapter.
for now lets get some fresh out of the oven Loaf.
“Henry, would you like to go for a walk?” Nelya questioned as Martinez loaded the dishwasher, having just finished what could be called their first family dinner. Overall, it went better than any of them had assumed it would have. The conversations were varied and light, and the meal itself was filling. Heck, even Kyroll had no issues throughout.
The old Aviex man is in the living room and likely about to fall into a food coma after eating four whole plates of food and downing three beers. None of them minded; while Martinez and Lysa tolerated him, only Nellya loved to spend time with him.
“Sure; that would be nice,” Martinez replied over his shoulder, seeing Nelya and Lysa stuffing the last leftovers into the fridge.
“May I come along? Lysa asked, closing the fridge before leaning onto the island, a beatific smirk on her lips.
With a gentle, motherly smile, Nellya patted Lyza’s shoulder but shook her head. "Not this time, my little Huntress. Your father wants to spend some time with you."
Any semblance of Lysa’s smile died when Nelly told her no, morphing into a childish pout. "Must I?" She groaned loudly.
Nelya hugged Lysa gently, supporting her daughter's need to spend time with her father despite all parties present being aware of her reservations. “You promised to try to work it out with your father, and because you two are leaving soon, now might be your only chance.”
Lysa sighed and tapped her nails on the counter, looking between her mother and the Martinez, trying to think of some excuse she could give to weasel her way out of a solo interaction with Kyroll.
Yeah, he apologized to her, and they agreed to make an attempt to get along, but that didn't mean she wanted to spend time alone with him. She wanted Nelya and Martinez there as mediators; that had to go better than alone daddy-daughter time.
In the past, when she wanted to have a loving father, he was never there when she wanted to have a shoulder to cry on or teach her valuable skills; Kyroll only wished to take an interest when he felt like it—which was fleeting at best.
After her agreements with others, she seems to have backed herself into a corner and can't think of a quick, witty response to get away from this—especially not with how foggy her head has been over the last few weeks. An issue that has been plaguing her all day, along with nausea and fits of moodiness.
"Fine, I shall make an earnest attempt," Lysa conceitedly said, not wanting to rebuke her promise to Martinez, especially after his reaching out for her injured him.
Despite how much she wanted to blame her father for the injuries, both Martinez and Kyroll swore it was just a freak occurrence with hungry animals, so she believed them—her ruh’ha would never lie to her.
"Oh, that's perfect, deary," Nelya chirped, grabbing Lysa into a deeper hug and squeezing her daughter tight enough that she gasped and struggled to return the gesture.
“Now, Henry, go grab your jacket," Nelya said after hugging Lysa, leaving her gasping for air.
Martinez nodded and watched Nelya pirouette and rush out of the kitchen, a skip in her step and giggling like a schoolgirl.
"What's gotten into her?" Martinez asked.
“I haven’t the slightest clue,” Lysa replied, watching her mother vanishing down the hallway toward her room, moving so fast that her pink clothes made her a cotton candy blur. “Mother is usually bubbly; perhaps mine and Father's reconciliation has her in a particularly good mood.”
Martinez shrugged. That was a believable thing, but he wondered if there was more to Motherly Aviex’s current mood. Ever since Martinez and Kyroll returned from the hospital, Nelya had been so sweet he was about to get cavities. It's not that her acting like that was out of character, but she seemed giddier than when they first arrived.
‘I’m going to go get my coat,” Martinez said, stepping toward the back doors to head to the guest house.
“I shall await you two by the door,” Lysa smiled meekly, ignoring the churning pain in her stomach.
—--
After seeing Martinez and Nelya out the door and watching Nelya tug her Ruh’ha up the driveway, hurrying him toward the woods, Lysa shuffled into the bathroom near the kitchen. Typically, she would go the extra distance to use the one in the guest house, wanting her privacy, but that was not viable right now.
Over the last week, on top of her irregular spikes of emotionalism, she also had been regularly plagued by bouts of extreme nausea. It had not reached the point of her vomiting yet, but just having the feeling one hard jerk or a nasty flavor would trigger such a reaction.
To her regret, the nervousness of being alone with her father drove her to the point where she knew she was about to throw up. The fear of how he would act, how she should treat him, and the neurotic worry of them getting into a physical altercation once again pushed her over the edge.
Lysa barely made it to the toilet as the floodgates opened. She gripped the bowl and retched. Every fiber of her being screamed at her to expel the non-existent poison. Retching turned into gaging, gaging into erupting a vile mixture of barely digested food, blood, and bile. The red chunky filled the bowl as her painful groans filled the house.
The only solace that Lysa had in this horrible experience was that the blood was the few minute's worth she drank out of Martinez just before dinner. At least it should be; as far as she knew, she was healthy and had nothing odd going on. She had just been nervous and was overwhelmed the last few weeks—right?
She continued to vomit, and the sounds of her gagging, groaning, and nearly sobbing got louder. As the pain grew, a hefty thumping came from beyond the door, approaching like a rolling tide, followed by thunderous knocking.
“Lysa! Are you alright”? Kyroll yelled through the door.
“I am Alri—” Lysa started attempting to lie, hoping to keep Kyroll away from her. But as if the universe was punishing the attempt, she threw up again, covering her shirt and hair in bile.
“No!” Lysa sobbed, turning her head back into the bowl.
Without thinking or asking, Kyroll tossed open the door and rushed over to Lysa, finding his dear daughter slumped over, clutching the toilet bowl.
"It's okay; it's okay; you'll be fine," Kyroll said, pulling her hair out of the bowl and rubbing her back.
Kyroll chose to do that simply because he did not know what else to do. He was not a medic or corpsman. He could triage minor issues—other than that, his training was to keep people safe until help arrived, he brought them to it, or the danger was dealt with. So, for now, trying to keep her from choking was all he could do.
Liza couldn't help but feel humiliated; she had never had anyone seen her sick, vomiting, or in any way this distraught; not even Martinez saw the effects of her time of the month that badly.
Why did it have to be her father of all people to come to her side when she fell ill for the first time in years?
" don't worry, just let it out," Kyroll encouraged.
Lysa did not need the encouragement. Her body was still forcibly expelling anything she had inside her. Perhaps her lungs or heart would pop into the bowl, ending her humiliation.
As Lysa continued to vomit, she made no attempts to argue about Kyrolls presence; there was no point, and he wouldn't have left even if she had. His stubbornness was something she knew all too well.
After a half hour, Lysa’s body had at long last decided her gauntlet of pain was over. She looked like a mess and felt just as awful. Dried vomit covered her shirt, face, hair, and half the ground and around the toilet.
Along with that, every muscle burned, feeling like she had just gone back to back rounds of fighting Teacher, followed by letting someone hit her with a hammer.
Glancing around and up at Kyroll’s patient, caring gaze, Lysa’s heart clenched. Seeing the horrible state of everything and that she was clutching her father, whom she had been awful to over the last few days, cumulatively put her back into a state of mania.
"Why? You, you should hate me," Lysa quaved. You're not supposed to be nice."
"I'll never hate you. I was stupid, overprotective, and pushed you away, but I'll always love you, Lysa; you’re my little huntress," Kyroll replied softly.
"But I'm awful," Lysa protested.
"No, no, you aren't," Kyroll replied, hugging her tightly, uncaring about the vomit or tears. Finally, holding his little girl again was a dream come true.
It took Liza a moment, but with her father unrelenting in his caring hold, she clutched him just as forcefully and buried her face in his collar.
"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," Kyroll said softly, rubbing his hand on the small of Lysa’s back, just as he did when she was little.
Lysa nodded and stood with him, letting him clean the floor while she prepared the shower.
By the time Lysa showered off and managed to wrangle her emotions back under control, Kyroll had already set out some sweats and a shirt for her. They were her mother's, and unlike the clothes she usually wore, they were bright pink and covered in flowers. But for now, she didn't mind, nor did she think her mother would mind borrowing some clothes.
As she slipped on the simple t-shirt, Kyroll knocked on the yet again. " I put your dirty clothes in the washer. uhhh--- would you want to--- come relax?"
Lysa hesitated when answering that, not because she was angry or anything along those lines. She just had to ruminate on how Kyroll was being so lovely to her, especially after all she had done.
She had yelled about him, talked behind his back, and insulted him for years. She hit him only a few days ago, for stars sake.
Martinez and her mother seemed right about him making an effort, which is earnestly unreal. She was finally accepting that perhaps this trip was not a waste.
"Have Ruh’ha and Mother returned?" Lysa asked, hanging up her wet towel. She still did not trust her father entirely and wanted them to have.
"Not yet; Nelly texted me and said they would be a while," Kyroll explained.
That was curious. The pair must have been gone for almost an hour by now; Lysa estimated that much time had passed based on the sun coming in through the window. She wasn't precisely sure how long her vomiting and clean-up had taken.
She wondered if they had found a pleasant location to bird watch or observe some other section of the wilderness. After all, they both enjoyed nature.
"I shall be out momentarily," Lysa conceaded. " where shall you be?"
"Okay—uh, I'll be in the living room," Kyroll replied, stepping back from the door. His footsteps became quieter as he walked away, leaving Lysa to finish any clean-up she needed to.
Shortly after, Lysa found her father precisely as he said he would be. The sight of what he was doing caused her to smile and take a pleasant jaunt down memory lane—echoes of when she was no taller than key roles flashed in her mind.
Memories of days from when she had been bullied at school and he would snuggle up with her under blankets to watch a movie and ensure that all was all right in his little daughter's world.
Those were pleasant times, and it looks as though good old Dad still knows how to comfort his little girl.
He even had the same blanket, cookies, and tea laid out while digging through her mother's shelves, looking for either a movie or a book for them to relax.
After noticing her presence, Kyroll stopped looking for a movie and looked over at her. "Too much?" he questioned awkwardly, scratching his forearm.
"Not at all," Lysa assured as she walked over to the couch and let the plush surface pull her in.
"Any idea what you want to watch"? Kyroll questioned, showing her a collection of cutesy family cartoons that they used to watch.
Kyroll was barely looking directly at her, likely unsure how he was supposed to act. Still, he was doing almost everything perfectly to make Lysa feel comfortable and to try to bridge some of the gap between them.
Lysa certainly noticed all the effort.
"Can you play Rolala?" Lysa replied pulling the blanket up and wrapping it underneath her.
She remembers the adventure story fondly. But hasn't watched it in years. It was about a young Aviex hero traveling across a fictional version of Avalon, looking for some magical artifact to bring forth the sun and cast away the darkness.
If memory served correctly, the story was a modern retelling of the myth of why the Aviex home planet experienced darkness for days on end and now existed in a near-perpetual twilight.
Lysa was too unfamiliar with old Aviex myths to confirm it, but that sounded vaguely correct. Either way, the sword and sorcery story about fighting monsters and steadfast friends was heartwarming—she found it inspiring as a young lass.
"Okay, no problem," Kyroll said as he selected the movie. After putting it on, he moved to the far end of the sofa and groaned, lowering himself to the surface.
" Do you want some tea? Maybe a cookie?" Kyroll asked, leaning forward and groaning in pain, pushing the tray of snacks closer to Lysa.
"Maybe later," Lysa said, unable to look at the food without her stomach trying to throw up again.
Kyroll nodded, unwilling to push any subject with his daughter, especially when she seemed sick.
As they sat there and the movie rolled, Lysa continued to grumble, grip her stomach, and whined, still feeling like her gut would implode. Each time it happened, she noticed that Kyroll looked over at her and winced like he was feeling the same agony.
Between her spats of pain, Lysa looked at the details of what he had set up. There was only one tea cup and tray; he could not reach them if he wanted to. Had he done this only for her?
She whined, understanding how her father was putting such effort into this attempt at rekindling their relationship. She also understood how all she was doing was giving him a cold shoulder, pushing against and fighting him; ultimately, Lysa was not helping at all.
Thinking back to her promise to Martinez and Nelya, Lysa could not justify her actions. She had to attempt to meet her father halfway, and that was just what she would do.
Lysa stood, holding the blanket tight, and moved closer to Kyroll. Sitting down next to him, she threw the blanket over their laps and leaned against her father for the first time in years.
"They're much better," Liza said, shimming closer and resting comfortably against him. She took in the odd mix of sap, smoke, and cologne that oozed from her father and found it comforting.
His scent was precisely the same as when she was younger and pushed deep into her soul and pulled forth feelings of comfort and safety that existed before she grew up, and they had their fights.
Kyroll froze and remained motionless, unable to comprehend that Lysa was close to him. His mind was racked with a million possibilities for why she might be attempting this. Was it some trick? Was it a cruel joke she would use to stab his heart? Or, by the rare chance, did she actually want to attempt to forgive him?
It took until she leaned against him and spoke for him to accept reality and relax with her.
"Thank you for trying," Lysa breathed
"Thanks for letting me," Kyroll replied, draping his arm over her shoulder.
Lysa smiled and contently sighed, not needing anything else to say.
They both understood their relationship was far from perfect, and this was just the first few steps at repairing what they once had. Even though it would be many years before all was forgiven--- this was a wonderful start.
For the following few hours until they both fell asleep on the spot, both were transported back to when she was a little girl, and he was just learning how to be a civilian and father. It was a time when their family was whole, and they all knew who was there for them.
Maybe one day, years from now, they will fully recapture that feeling. Lysa, Kyroll, Nelya, and even Martinez might just be one big happy family. Both wanted it at this point.
So what did you all think of this chapter? we have more coming along, and likely will be done next week. I just was busy this week and only got the one out. I hope you all enjoyed, and are eager to see where it goes. Please don't forget to updoot, and comment. I will see you all in the comments.
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I’ve significantly improved my SRPE through the use of an H-Wave electronic stimulation device (its proprietary technology, different than TENS). I’ve tried a few different medications (Hydroxyzine, trazodone, amitriptyline, baclofen, sertraline, and duloxetine), all of which have provided temporary relief at best, or exacerbated the condition at worst.
Over the past 7ish weeks I’ve made a lot of progress with my SRPE through a few different approaches. I’ve completely stopped taking Baclofen, as it lost its effectiveness at 30mg and I didn’t want to go higher, and am not taking any other prescription medicines at this time.
I’ve seen the pelvic floor PT a few times and have been doing nightly stretches. Those have definitely helped, but in early April the PT got me an H-Wave electronic stimulation device which has so far been very beneficial (all external, nothing internal). The PT has me using it for an hour per night, and then I will eventually start using it less frequently. After a day or two of using it I noticed that it completely relaxed my pelvic muscles, decreasing the number of SRPE awakenings I have each night to usually 1 or 2. A side, but related note, I’ve always had to pee frequently. For instance, in the morning when drinking coffee I’ll normally go to the bathroom at least every hour. After using the H-Wave device the night before, I’ll now go noticeably less— a sign to me that I have had significant pelvic tension, which in addition to possibly causing SRPE, causes me to have to pee frequently. The initial benefits from the H-Wave lasted about 3 weeks and then started to go back to how I was, so I got discouraged—but I spoke with an H-Wave patient care rep and learned that the electrode pads have to be changed out every two weeks or they lose their conductivity. After changing out the pads the relief immediately returned.
In addition to the H-Wave, I’ve gotten some benefit from taking OTC magnesium glycinate before bed (magnesium taurate works too). Even before I got the H-Wave, the magnesium significantly helped reduce the frequency of SRPE awakenings (though do cause some GI issues). Combined with the H-Wave and pelvic stretches, I’m now waking up usually 0-2 times per night. I’ve also stopped taking magnesium for the past week to see how that impacts my sleep…no negative impact…still waking up 0-2 times and getting the same amount of sleep.
As of now, I’m averaging 6.5-7.5 hours of sleep per night, which is much better than the 5ish I was getting, and down to 0-2 awakenings per night (previously I was waking up 4-5 times total per night and almost every hour after my first wake-up until I would give up on sleep and get out of bed).
While this is all anecdotal to my experiences, I feel pretty optimistic about managing this in the future. The long term benefit from the H-Wave remains to be seen, but having a little over a month and a half of benefit from it, I am feeling pretty good (additionally, the ancillary benefits like having to pee less frequently are a sign my pelvic muscles are relaxing). The PT and the patient care representative at the company say that the low frequency mode of the device helps improve blood flow to the targeted muscles and reduce muscle tension, and can provide long term relief. The high frequency mode provides temporary pain relief (so I’m focusing on using low frequency).
The H-Wave devices are expensive ($4,000 USD), but my insurance covered 100% of the cost (it was prescribed by the PT). They also offer a rental program I believe. I’m pretty confident my SRPE is caused by pelvic tension, so if you’re in the same boat, it might be worthwhile trying. There are also several used ones available on EBay and Mercari for $400-600 USD). This device is different than a traditional electronic stimulation device (like a TENS). This is proprietary technology and is supposed to provide healing as opposed to temporary pain relief. If you do end up trying it, send me a message and I’d be more than happy to share the electrode placements I’m using.
While I know some people have found relief from prescriptions, that route hasn’t worked for me and the side effects often outweighed the benefits. While this disorder seems to have many different causes, I am confident my issue is pelvic floor tension. I’m not sure if the H-Wave/Pelvic floor PT will cure my SRPE, but I’m happy to be at 0-2 awakenings/night and finally getting some quality sleep. Happy to answer any questions anyone has as I haven’t seen anyone discuss this approach yet on this page. Feel free to message me if you want details or the diagrams for electrode placement, etc.

Art by u/United_Patriots, Go check his work out, he himself has a pretty good AU series called Nature Of Orion.
A Music track I wrote, Inspired by the contents of this chapter.
Back to the present, (future?) Ahh whatever, that special october 2154! Do you ever wonder why I chose that date? Well, October 13th is my birthday, and it’s the start date of dark cuts! Also yes, in fifteen whole chapters, we’ve only reached midnight on the second day.
As always, thanks to u/Ben_Elohim_2020, u/VeryUnluckyDice, and u/JulianSkies for proofreading. Those three have been a wonderful help as always.
Last but not least, thanks to u/EdibleGojid, my wonderful co-writer, without him, none of this would’ve been possible.
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[First]-[Previous]-[Next]
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Memory transcription subject: Taran, Investigator
Date [standardised human time]: October 14, 2154
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At that moment, more than anything, I wanted to peel my eyes away from the display. The vile scene… I knew how it would play out, how it would end. I did everything I could to rip myself away from the screen, but I just… couldn’t.
The footage coming in from the classroom had me enraptured in the worst way possible; equal parts fascinating and horrible. Morbid curiosity kept me watching as the drunken arxur hunted the clone, which Selik’s mind presently occupied.
“Youhhh… hehhh… put up a better fight than that kolshhhh did… I’ll give you that much!” Vriss gloated, already assured of his victory as the skalgan tried futilely to claw herself free from his vice-like grip.
So long as Vriss was boasting, he was spilling the information we needed. We couldn't afford for Selik to tap out just yet, we needed more time, more answers.
Glancing at the machine monitor, toward the vital diagram, it reminded me just what kind of pressure Selik was under. Red flashed out along the tail and chest regions and the heart rate monitor threw up several warning lights. It was strange to realise that it represented real pain she was experiencing right now.
Hastily, I tapped out a message on the software pager, ‘Keep him talking.’
The pager was our only line of communication with Selik even though, in reality, she was no more than a meter away, hooked up to this amalgam of wires that posed itself as medical engineering. She couldn't hear us or respond to any form of contact; Prauva had explained that the device blocked all incoming and outgoing information.
I gave a short glance to Selik. Her body looked still and restful; all except for her chest, which rose and fell rapidly, mirroring the clone’s laboured breathing.
“Whhh… What did you do to him?” Selik wheezed, the arxur’s grip on her was so tight that it took great effort to squeeze out the words. I feared her ribcage might just collapse under the arxur’s raw strength.
It had been a while since I had been reminded of the terrifying strength the aruxr were holding back. Muscles designed for the hunt evolved to overpower weaker prey… a description that applied to almost everyone.
“Ehhh… nufin… sadly… he’s not mine to kill… but youuu are.” Vriss’ tongue slipped over the words. We were lucky that he stopped drinking when he did, much more in his system and he might have ended up impossible to interrogate at all.
The arxur opened their maw, dragging their long tongue over the back of the skalgan’s head, they took their time, savouring the moment, not the flavour. They wanted to draw even more fear from their prey. A terrified whine emitted from the clone, to the arxur's apparent delight.
In the back of my mind, I had expected him to… go feral or something. That without his inhibitions he might start randomly killing anything in his path. I knew that wasn’t how predator instincts worked, but prejudice was hard to shake.
It was worse somehow, knowing that as he did it he actually had the control to stop himself, but didn’t want to.
I had seen similar things before.
I’ve watched security footage of the worst of the worst; rape, brutal murders and even sadistic torture. I’ve had them rewatched over and over for me to analyse each and every detail. The times when such scenes would replay themselves in my nightmares had long since passed. There were few things I wasn't utterly desensitised to.
I was plenty familiar with the aftermath of arxur raids too.
My mother's hand in mine, cold, waiting for rescue- I killed the thought before it could overtake me.
But this…
The room was a near-perfect recreation of an old skalgan classroom, with a holo-projector at the front showing the benign math equations a child of the federation might be taught. It was uncannily familiar to me, though the details were muddled; chairs built to the gojid format, not venlil, propaganda posters out of place, not quite belonging to the setting. ‘The Krakotl Exterminator Forces Need YOU!’
Not that Vriss cared about such historical inaccuracies as he tossed the venlil across the classroom, effortlessly breaking her over the teacher's desk. Blood quickly spread out from where a rib had punctured her skin, the orange seeping through her wool.
…This was something else.
The skalgan’s legs fell limp, no longer flailing. She was utterly helpless now. Without any chase left to be had, the arxur would soon claim his kill.
Glancing over to the clone monitor, the lower half of the diagram had turned from red to grey, indicating that the system could no longer connect to that area.
“Shame her spinal cord got severed, broken legs hurt like hell.” Prauva mused from over my shoulder. She looked somewhat entertained by the sight. I frowned, she had a callous attitude towards Selik all night and it rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn’t going to get on anyone's case for harbouring distrust for the killers, but something about her seemed off.
Somehow, Selik maintained her questioning, some hidden source of determination keeping her going. One by one she spat out the pained words, “Where is he going?”
Watching it all in real-time, knowing it was real, happening only a few meters away with nothing you could do to stop it. It was deeply, viscerally, terrifying. My scales were displaying their sickly green, broadcasting my current state of mind to Prauva, and at this point, I couldn't care to suppress it.
“Sssame place I am, the Kaal estate, for his hatchlings uuh…. coming of age.” Vriss finally answered.
The Kaal estate
Three words told us so much more than just where Klien was going, it told us who the boss was, Kaal. The CEO and founder of a small arms company based here in the city of District Three. Ironically my revolver was one of their products. With that information, all I had to do was look up Kaal’s information in a database, use that to find his daughter’s info, and I’d know exactly when this ‘coming of age’ would be. With a little help from Selik's knowledge about arxur culture, we would be set to, not only save Klien but to decapitate the entirety of Shattered Claw.
Mentally, I had written Klein off as dead without even realising it, but now there was a chance. There was hope.
Selik pushed herself off the desk, flopping on the ground behind it with a heavy thud. Her eyes darted around before widening in realisation at what she had done. She was cornered, nowhere left to run.
The arxur crouched over her, smug satisfaction evident in the very way he moved, “It'sss time you stopped asking questions you aren't supposed to knowhh… you’re gonna be a gooood girl and die quietly.”
I winced as he wrapped his claws around her neck. Her eyes looked like they were trying to escape her skull as he squeezed. A sickening, popping, crunch reverberated through the room as her vocal chords crumpled, fragile tissue and cartilage breaking under the pressure. She gurgled in pain, no longer able to scream as blood bubbled out of her mouth.
“Brutal, Isn’t it?” Prauva asked casually, unbothered by the sight.
I turned an eye to the skalgan, the way she… didn't care, It was one thing to be desensitised, which was common in former cattle or those who were unlucky enough to survive multiple arxur raids… this was different. Her eyes met mine, I could swear I spotted a glimmer of some sort of sick satisfaction in them before she looked away.
“This is my life. Every single day, I get to die. Over, and over and over.” She spoke with flat intonation, her sassy facade falling away.
Vriss released Selik from his grasp, looking proud of his work before reaching for her arm, pulling it towards him and clamping his jaw around it. With a twist, he wrenched it free from her body. He waved the severed limb in front of her, giggling with depraved joy.
“Just… food; a plaything to these monsters.”
She continued to talk, taking my lack of a response as permission to carry on.
“Some like to fuck after feasting you know? Have you ever seen that? Someone taking your dismembered corpse and shoving their rancid cock into it?”
I didn't even want to think about it. There wasn't any way I would be able to live with myself if I let this place continue to exist and exploit these people.
“No one should go through that. I promise, we’ll shut this place down and get you out of here.”
Prauva laughed, devoid of actual humour, “It’s… not so simple. I can't just leave. Even if somehow you get rid of Shattered Claw? It wouldn't change a thing as long as they’re still around.”
As Prauva spat those words out, she pointed at Selik. Her idle body remained on the bench, vulnerable and still, like a patient under anaesthesia during an operation, waiting for someone to pull her out.
Vriss tossed aside the severed limb and began to lap up the blood as it gushed out of her wound. “Hmmm, tastessss just like Iron Fffive… fuuuuck… how much did you drinmk-?”
Selik gurgled.
“Mhm don't answer that.”
My mind was finally made up. This was fucked up. I had fucked up, no matter what the arxur had done, nothing could justify putting her through this. “She shouldn’t be going through that. How do we disconnect her?”
“You can’t, no way out while the clone’s alive…” She explained, though I knew it was a lie. She had woken herself up just earlier.
“...Besides, isn't this nice, to turn the tables for once?”
Something churned in me, her rhetoric felt familiar. Things I've felt. Hatred I had kept deep inside. I never trusted the arxur, never liked them, but somehow… Those thoughts and feelings, when repeated to me from her mouth… They felt radical, deranged even.
I glanced toward arxur on the screen, now covered in orange, and saying his last farewell to the venlil below him. “It's beeen fffuhn… I’ll definitely recommend you to the othhherrsss.”
After everything I lost to the arxur, everything they did, and everything they continued to do I had every reason to hate them; To utterly despise them for what they had done, and I did.
I looked back at the arxur in the seat. She had barged in on my case, somehow managing to convince Ketsim to allow her to take it despite my objections. Her very presence infuriated me. What right did a killer like her have to be a cop anyway? What bumbling idiot thought arxur could be capable of anything other than violence and murder?
I could read people well. I knew she had to be concealing some sort of darker motive. There had to be something. Feasting on the crime scenes? Some grand deception; a trap she was luring people into?
Or at least so I thought; no matter what happened, that facade simply refused to crack.
She seemed to hate eating flesh going so far as to shovel plant matter down her throat when she thought I wasn't looking. She was ashamed of her scars, hiding them under human garments, using the weather as an excuse for wearing them. This whole place disgusted her just as much as it disgusted me.
Here Selik was taking the punishment for her species’ crimes just to save one kolshian she called a friend. She didn't have to do that. There was no benefit, nothing to gain. Not unless she genuinely cared.
I couldn’t find a crack in the facade, because there was none.
The arxur on the screen began to tear into the clone with his claws, ripping flesh, bones and organs. Splattering himself with orange, bellowing with glee as he murdered her.
That monster and Selik couldn't be the same. It was irreconcilable, that a creature capable of such cruelty could also be capable of such selflessness.
Whatever terrible rule the arxur followed, she was an exception. She had to be. Maybe she was just one of those so-called ‘defectives’, a concept I would have otherwise laughed at, but it was the only explanation.
I faced Prauva and my scales flickered red in anger for a brief moment before I took back control.
“Turn the tables? Is this what it's about?” I demanded answers, what justification she possibly had for what she’d convinced Selik to do.
Prauva wasn't intimidated. “They raided my world, killed my family, but I hid, I survived, and it didn't make any difference. I still ended up as their cattle. Only now, every time I get to relive that moment, wishing I could die. But every time, I wake back up on that chair. Every time, regretting the one time I survived. This time, I finally got the chance to do something back. It’s one, tiny, fraction of what they did to me. One death for hundreds of mine. So yeah, it's nice to see one of them suffer for once.”
The arxur, alcohol finally catching up to him, slumped over what little remained of the clone.
“How do I wake her up?” I repeated the question.
“Why should I tell you?” She replied, without a hint of empathy for Selik.
“I need her help, We’re trying to save an innocent father's life you know?”
“Really? One good deed is all it takes for you to side with them? She gets what she deserves”
I couldn't take it, I didn't care what they had done to her, she was just blindly exacting punishment on whoever she could. It didn't matter what justification she had, it was cruelty all the same; sick and twisted.
I reached for the cable that connected Selik and the computer, my fingers wrapping around it tightly. I wasn’t sure what would happen if I pulled her out suddenly, but it was getting clear that I needed to make a choice. I just hoped it wouldn’t cause any irreversible damage to her mind.
“Wait! If you do that… it’ll kill her!” She yelled, a feeble lie made up on the spot to try and stop me. With her attitude, I doubted she would have cared for Selik’s life. The vindictive skalgan would’ve probably done it herself.
“I don't believe you.”
I yanked on the cable, disconnecting all the wires from the computer in one go. I was rewarded by a sudden gasp as Selik shot up out of her seat. Her eyes darted around the environment, taking in the dimly illuminated facility, glazing over when she looked at me or Prauva. She didn’t seem to register our presence at all.
Shakily, she wrapped her claws around her neck, laughing weakly as she verified it was still there. As her surprise at being alive faded, she went limp, rolling sideways off the seat and curling herself into a ball on the floor, shivering.
She had cheated death, Unscarred, but not unscathed.
Looking at her lying there like that. It sparked some genuine empathy for the arxur, that memory again. I wanted to rid myself of it, bury it, kill it.
I had stashed myself in a cupboard, hiding myself away from… them. Clutching to all I had left of her… all that was left of her.
I turned my back on her. Wiping it from my mind, Selik was an arxur, she didn’t need my empathy.
My eyes returned to the footage from the classroom. Vriss looked like he wasn’t in particularly good shape, he was still slumped over the clone, but his eyes were open darting all over the place and he was shivering, twitching. He hadn’t just passed out, he was overdosing.
“Shit…” I muttered, and Prauva noticed too. We couldn't call help, that would give us away. I couldn’t exactly sneak a body out of here without being caught and I needed Vriss alive if I was gonna ask more questions. I had to go in there and figure out how to keep him alive without revealing myself to him either.
“Fuck, fuck, FUCK! If he dies before he gets out of here, my employer is gonna dock my pay.” the skalgan exclaimed under her breath so as to not be overheard by anyone nearby as we rushed down the hallway.
“Is that seriously what you’re worried about?” I hissed.
“If I don't pay off their so-called ‘debt’ they'll have me here forever.”
It didn’t surprise me, working for a business like this must be worse than death, so it would have been an empty threat. Instead, dangling the hope of freedom at just a paw's length away. That’s how they kept people trapped. People would do so much more for the promise of life, than under the threat of death.
I burst into the classroom, nearly slipping on the bloodied floors but I managed to adjust my stance and keep myself from falling
Vriss twitched and seized, rolling off the clone onto his back. I stood over him as his eyes briefly flicked to me, unable to comprehend what was happening to him. He reached a hand towards me in a bid for assistance.
“Shit, what do I do!” Prauva mumbled under her breath before looking at me accusatorialy “You did this! You have to help me!”
Selik stumbled in, her eyes set on the remains of the clone. She fell to her knees, staring at her clawed hands as if she'd killed it herself. Pain evident in her eyes as she mourned the non-person.
Something snapped inside of me.
My scales darkened all the way to black, matching those of the arxur.
We didn't need Vriss anymore; in fact, if he disappeared now, there wouldn't be any more risk of our involvement getting out. Alcohol poisoning in a club? Just a simple accident. That's if there even would be anybody to find it. Clones were too expensive to waste, no doubt they simply dumped the leftovers into a meat grinder, made burgers out of them and fed them back to their clients or something else equally fucked up.
Monsters like Vriss deserved no empathy.
What a miserable creature one must be, to derive pleasure from another's suffering…
“Why should I help you?” I echoed her words back to her.
“What!?” She stared at me, wide-eyed in shock.
“He deserves this, doesn't he?” I quoted her again.
The arxur’s belly twitched, orange puke leaking from the corners of his mouth before falling back into his airways, blocking them. I watched as he began to drown in the blood he’d spilled, choking down his last meal.
“But what about me? You have to help me!” She begged, her words falling on deaf ears.
“Word of advice, clean up his body before anyone notices.”
“You think you can just get away with this? I’ll tell the-”
“Who would you tell? Your boss? The gang? I’d keep your mouth shut and your head down if you want to live long enough to watch me burn this place to the ground.”
As Selik sobbed, and Vriss suffocated, I remained silent, watching.
A thought bubbled up, strange next to all the angry, hateful, confused and conflicted emotions I felt. A question, sober, but no less cold in its delivery.
“You ever wonder what it would be like if you were born an arxur? Who you'd be? Would you still be the same person, or… would you be like every other arxur?”
Prauva had the audacity to scoff, my meaning failing to penetrate her thick skull. “Are you gonna tell me that I’d be just like her?”
“No,” I said flatly.
I stepped toward Selik, who had gotten a fair bit of blood on her. I’d have to take her through the showers before we left, I put a hand on her good shoulder. Selik, claws shaking, let go of the body, wordlessly understanding my order. It was time for us to leave.
The monster at my feet finally became still. I felt nothing as it died, eyes silently begging me for mercy as the life faded from them.
I turned away from Prauva.
“You'd be just like him.”
—
[First]-[Previous]-[Next]

PART ONE THOUSAND AND THIRTEEN
[Previous Chapter] [The Beginning] [Patreon+2]
Sunday
Lucas tapped the flat of his finger twice on the partially open door, more to let Boyd know he was coming than actually requesting permission to enter. He pushed it open and strode through as the somewhat welcoming grunt came from within.
“Hey, sexy,” he said, crossing the two rooms to zoom in on Boyd sitting at his bench. On the spinner before Boyd was a larger figure than he had ever done before: an eighteen-inch figure of a woman with an hourglass figure wearing a form-fitting formal gown that flowed to the floor, swaying as if she’d just stepped to her right. Her hands were curled as if she were holding something or someone, but that part was missing.
“Ooooh,” Lucas said, resting his head on Boyd’s shoulder to examine the piece closer. “She’s pretty.”
“She’s also the viscount’s granddaughter, who I think is married to a prince somewhere in Eastern Europe. I’d have to pull out her details again, but she’s already got two kids, and she still looks this good.”
“She doesn’t look old enough to have two kids.”
“That’s what happens when you marry when you’re still a teenager.”
“Please tell me it wasn’t an arranged marriage.”
Boyd did a slow pan to level an annoyed look at him.
“What? They used to.”
“Slavery was a thing in America back in the day, too.”
Lucas made a deflating raspberry. “If you want to get technical,” he grumbled.
Boyd twisted his seat to face him, loosely curling his arms around Lucas’ waist. “Where are you off to, Mister Soon-To-Be-Masters?”
Oh-ho. Someone’s feeling playful. “I thought you were going to become a Dobson,” Lucas countered, leaning in to give him a quick morning kiss.
“Yeah, but then I was reminded I do have family that I care about.”
“None of which are Masters. Your mom and Aunt Judy are sisters who changed their names when they married. If you were going to take any of their names, we’d both be changing to Davenport.”
Boyd looked down at where their abdomens rested against each other.
“Hey,” Lucas said, sliding his hand under Boyd’s chin and lifting it so he could see those beautiful baby blues focusing on him. “What’s going on, love?”
Boyd opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He tried twice more. “Ten years,” he finally croaked. “They took me in and gave me a home within the family for nearly two years, and I repaid them by cutting them out of my life the second I could. Who does that to their own?”
“Somebody with a lot of fear,” Lucas answered honestly. "And that somebody isn’t you anymore. You’ve invited Emily to be our accountant, and personally, I hope you know what you’re doing there…”
“Emily has always been good with money. The only time she’s ever been off is when she borrows money from you, and you go to get it back. By the time she’s finished explaining all the financial movement around the transaction, you end up owing her twice as much, and she’s really convincing. Computerised flow charts and everything.”
Lucas hoped he was exaggerating. If Emily had been that quick and deceptive to separate Boyd from his money when she was a teenager, she might have been even more cunning now. Lucas would remain attentive until she proved herself because the love of his life had earned this break. “Okay,” was all he said since he didn’t want to argue.
Boyd nipped the tip of his nose. “Don’t you ‘okay’ me in that tone of voice.”
Lucas pulled back and rubbed the back of his hand against his nose. It hadn’t hurt, but it was weird. No one had ever done that before. “I’m a cop, love. In my world, it’s guilty until proven innocent.”
“Getting back to my original question. Where are you going?”
“I’m going to go and get some supplies for Levi and Maddy. The dumbass has been worrying himself sick over where he can leave Maddy on short notice if he and Austin get called out to a fire together. They can’t waste up to an hour each way getting over to Queens and Brooklyn.”
“Tell him she can stay with us,” Boyd said without hesitation. I’ll be here all the time, and if I’m out and it’s an emergency dump-and-run, I can drop whatever I’m doing and call someone to teleport me back.”
Lucas leaned in and kissed him again. “And that’s just one of the many reasons I love you,” he said once they parted. “Charlie will be here too, which means Robbie won’t be far away either. Levi still wants to run it past Llyr since it’s his place, but so long as we keep her on our side and away from Miss W, it won’t be a problem.”
“You’ll need to remember to lock up your guns when she’s here.”
Lucas nodded thoughtfully in agreement without speaking. It would devastate everyone if Maddy somehow managed to get her hands on one of his work firearms and fire it. He’d need to get a thumbprint safe – something that he could get at very quickly in a crisis.
“How is she with beds?”
“What?”
“Don’t little kids have those hospital guardrail things, so they don’t roll out of bed and hurt themselves? I mean, your bed isn’t that far from the floor, but if you’re getting supplies, you might want to think about some of those things to keep her in.”
Lucas hadn’t thought about that. “Okay, then it’s going to be a bigger shopping trip than I thought, but that’s alright. Levi and Maddy are going to chill in the apartment until I get back.”
“Do you want me to check in on them?”
“Nah, it should be fine. Levi knows where Charlie’s office is, and if he’s going to annoy anyone while they’re at work, it should be our sister.” Lucas turned Boyd back to his carving and leaned his head on Boyd’s shoulder. “You keep outdoing yourself, you know that, right?”
“These tools are magic. I can’t do a thing wrong with them.” With a slight grimace, he added, “Hey, have you ever heard the story about the kid who gets the magic piano?”
Lucas squinted warily. “Am I going to like this story?”
“It’s a cautionary tale. This kid finds a magic piano, and all he has to do is work the pedals, and the piano plays itself. No one notices it’s not the kid, and the kid’s ego grows with each performance until he’s an international sensation. Then, he has a fight with the piano over who the star really is. The following night, the piano refuses to play, and the kid is booed off the stage. His family is left financially ruined.”
“I will beat you within an inch of your life if you equate that to you.”
Boyd looked at him. “How can I not? I mean, when I relax and just let the tools do what they’re made to do, the pieces come out flawlessly—every time. But the second I worry, minor defects creep in. Nothing I can’t counter and fix, but still…”
“If it concerns you that much, why not do a piece every now and then without the divine tools to prove to yourself that the skill is yours and the tools are just tools?”
Boyd looked over the divine toolset, then back up at the shelf where his older tools were. “That’s a good idea,” he admitted.
Lucas lightly kissed him on the lips and stepped out of his grasp. “I’ve been known to have them now and again. Oh, and don’t forget we’re going to Angus’ this afternoon. Just the six of us.”
Boyd raised his left hand in acknowledgment, but his focus was back on the carving even as his right hand picked up a scalpel of some kind and drove it across the carving’s middle. The blade was then smoothly passed to his left hand to make an incision from that side while his right reached for a new tool.
As he’d said, his motions were flawless, with chips and shavings flying at the speed of a professional wood chopper. Lucas could watch him work all day, but if he was going to make it to Angus’, he needed to leave now.
He let himself out and headed for the main front door to the level.
A little over an hour later, after grabbing several sets of clothes in his brother’s size, Lucas was standing in the middle of the children’s clothing section, blinking in confusion at all the options. He would go to touch one, then back away, unsure.
He must have looked pitiful because a staff member in her mid-thirties took pity on him and approached with a warm smile. “Can I help you?”
“Yeah, this is crazy,” he answered, gesturing to the millions of clothes options before them. “My brother asked me to look after my niece in an emergency, and I want her to have whatever she’ll need at my place in case he doesn’t have time to take her home.” He looked at all the clothes. “Whatever that entails.”
“That’s really sweet. Is your brother a doctor?”
“Fireman.”
The woman gave Lucas the once over. “I can see that.”
Lucas chuckled. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t heard before. Between him, Levi and Mav all sharing their dad’s muscle, they’d always caught people’s eye. “Anyway,” he said, wanting to move this along. “My niece is three going on four, and she’s about this high,” he said, showing her height as an inch or two under his hip.
“Does she have any favourite TV shows?”
“Spongebob,” Lucas said, incredibly grateful for his conversation with Levi over breakfast. He’d have never had that answer otherwise. “And if you’re not doing anything after we get her clothes sorted, my fiancé mentioned something about bed rails since she’ll be sleeping in my old queen-sized bed. This is an all-in shopping trip for her, and I have no idea what to get.”
“Do you have any toys for her? And no, I’m not pushing for a commission here. Little minds need to be kept stimulated, or little hands will end up in places they have no business being. If this is your first time looking after her, you’re going to want a few toys, books, and things to keep her busy.”
“My brother is already nagging me about buying her the basics. What would you recommend that won’t make it seem like I’m trying to buy her affection?”
“Are you okay with electronics, or are you trying to steer her away from that?”
“It doesn’t faze me. It’s more the cost. I don’t want to buy her what my brother hasn’t or can’t afford. I’ve been into too many households where kids have every version of PlayStation, Xbox and Nintendo and every known game that goes with them. Those kids appreciate nothing, and that’s not something I’m okay with.”
“You see a lot of people’s houses?”
“I was a beat cop for over eight years before my promotion.”
“A policeman and a fireman? I’m sure there's a joke involving a bar in there somewhere.”
“If there were, the third person would be an ice hockey player,” Lucas chuckled again, already liking this woman. As they wandered through the aisles, she added things to his cart. Clothes were first, but they quickly moved on to toys. A couple of generic soft toys. and the board game “Candyland”. Lucas grabbed ‘Hungry, Hungry Hippos’, as that was one he and his brothers had played when he’d been Maddy’s age. Then came two large boxes of Duplo.
Not once did it feel like the sales assistant was pushing an agenda. She even paused to consider the options as if she were buying them for her own kids. Lucas really appreciated that.
As they were walking the isles, Lucas came to a screeching halt and stared at a range of doctor, nurse and vet play sets. Two jumped out at him. One had a plastic pet carrier with a handful of bulky instruments, and the other came in a bright blue bag with red handles and a white pawprint on the side. It had a comprehensive range, including toy bandages, pill bottles, cream jars, syringes, a stethoscope and even a cone of shame. Both went into the cart after he checked to make sure the two soft animals would fit in the carrier.
Mason’ll have a field day showing her exactly how to simulate using all this stuff, he thought to himself with a grin.
“You’re really very thoughtful,” the woman said after he explained why they both had to be purchased.
Lucas specifically asked for books after that. Real books with paper pages. He was sure his mother (as a high school English teacher) would murder him in his sleep if he didn’t buy Maddy at least ten books ranging from ones she could memorise and pretend to read (which, in her grandmother’s eyes, taught her word structure and was the first step in learning to read), with ones he could read to her. And that, of course, required Spongebob bookends to hold them together.
“Your fiancé is a lucky woman if you’re willing to do all of this for your niece,” she said once the cart was full and they were heading back to the checkouts.
“Yes, he is,” Lucas agreed, deliberately sliding in Boyd’s gender without making a huge issue of it.
Her eyes widened in horror. “Oh, I’m so sorry. Wow, I really shouldn’t make that assumption anymore, and I apologise.”
Because this was New York. “Apology accepted,” Lucas said, waving it aside. Boyd might have been embarrassed, but thankfully, he wasn’t here. “Thanks again for all your help.”
* * *
((Author's extra-long note:
Heya guys! Just letting you know I need to take a week off. [It’s nothing to do with the community here, I promise! I love writing this, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.]
In fact it's … you know what? Stuff it. You guys might as well know. Remember how I mentioned earlier this year we were fighting for more care for my special needs daughter?
That’s the issue.
Our support coordinator has our written authority to act on our behalf. Yet we’ve been told in writing from the government department that if she doesn’t back off, the whole request, including thousands of dollars of specialists interviewing our daughter and reporting their findings, will be deleted, and our request, including all-new interviews and reports, will have to start all over again.
I’m almost at the point where I’m not sleeping, but our support coordinator has promised us to fight because, in her words, “This is getting ridiculous.”
I’ve been really struggling to write this week with everything going on in the background. I’ve finally admitted I need to pull back (just for one week—I mean it when I say how much I love this writing and the little community we’ve formed) to focus on sorting out the mess, so that my writing isn’t tarnished by the battlelines that are being drawn up in the background.
(I already scrapped a page and a half because my anger at things [I bounce between anger and depression] had people who were usually very chill (Robbie) acting in a very aggressive manner that simply wasn’t them. Because of this, I’ve already used up several of my backlog this week and I loathe to lose any more, given how hard they were to build up. (The thought of using them up without others to take their place was also adding to my stress.)
And I was told by my beta reader, ‘Given you’ve been doing this for over three years, and you’ve only had the occasional day off due to sickness, take the week and regroup, stronger than ever.
I agreed. This means my next post will be on Monday, the 27th, Australian Time.
I hope with all my heart that you’ll all still be with me when I return next week.
Karen. ))
((All comments welcome. Good or bad, I’d love to hear your thoughts 🥰🤗))
I made a family tree/diagram of the Mystallian family that can be found here
For more of my work, including WPs: Angel466 or an index of previous WPS here.
FULL INDEX OF BOB THE HOBO TO DATE CAN BE FOUND HERE!!

1. Knife Play: "I know, I know, I know, it's over, up on the platform inside the slaughterhouse, just a slip away from murder, over" - Over Over
2. Chapel of the Chimes: "Angel, wear your 'pray hard' shirt" - King Earth, King Earth
3. A Promise: "I made him a present / It was a photograph of me / I did not get it / He said it did not cost me anything!" - Sad Redux-O-Grapher
4. Fabulous Muscles: "Your true self has become weak and alone and annoying / And a true ridiculous dumbass" - Clowne Towne
5. La Foret: "We closed our lips and we called it our love / We swallowed a clover made of lead" - Clover
6. The Air Force: "Oh, how can you love a tiny bug impressed by the night when you cut yourself? Save me, save me" - Save Me Save Me
7. Women as Lovers: "Tommy and Dan, you can't hold hands down your street / Who cares, you're gay, but it's your age, no friend oh!" - No Friend Oh!
8. Dear God, I Hate Myself: "Dispraise for what I am / A cartoon with no friends, oh yeah yeah yeah" - Apple for a Brain
9. Always: "Oh, bunny rabbit / Jaundiced by the bummer of habit / Is there a plantain big enough to cave your head in?" - Born to Suffer
10. Angel Guts: Red Classroom: "Hold hands, turn around, lean over backwards / This is the quiet we promised each other / This is the love we've always dreamt of" - New Life Immigration
11. FORGET: "It doesn't matter what you think. Do anything you like. Because I was born dead, and I was born to die" - Faith, Torn Apart
12. Girl with Basket of Fruit: "I think I have shown you / I don't need you to be kind / Just let me pretend I have something to lose" - Normal Love
13. OH NO: "It was nice when you were nice, Roberta / Tonight and today, San Josie, San Jose" - A Bottle of Rum
14. Ignore Grief: "He beat she too bad / What a godawful wonder is man" - The Real Chaos Cha Cha Cha

The poetry this group has sung!! Or sprechgesanged. Whatever!!!

Hello, is it possible to use the MyoWare Muscle Sensor 2.0 with Raspberry Pi 4? As far as I know, you need an ADC as Raspberry Pi doesn't have any analog pins. I have PCF8591 YL-40 AD DA module. How would I go about connecting the sensor to Raspberry Pi in terms of circuit diagram and software/libraries?

I wasn't quite sure how to word the title, but this is aimed at the phrases we have heard 1000 times. How social media has set unrealistic expectations, how all people care about is followers. How it's made dating difficult and surface level. I've heard men rag on feminist culture and women rag on "red pill" culture and "alpha" content creators. I know this stuff is said way more online but I do legitimately hear it day to day as well.
The thing is I think we all spot light the minorities and seem to forget that 95% of people are pretty much completely normal with no extreme views. Yes there's tons of people who privately hold these beliefs but it's not their personality and barely affects their day to day life. I meet alot of people through work and my friend groups are very social and always bringing new faces to parties and outings. Most girls arnt just walking around talking about their instagram followers for example. I've never once been asked "how many followers do YOU have?". Also everybody who isn't stupid or a child KNOWS all the shit you see online is often unrealistic. It's just that these thoughts and opinions get way more spotlighted online and SEEM way more prevalent than they actually are. MOST people just work 9-5, go out with friends and settle down with a family just like regular people and don't have all these toxic thoughts and standards people say "EVERYBODY" has these days.
I will quickly say though that it is a little more concerning for children. As alot of us in our 20s-30s got to grow up and develop without social media so likely arnt as "poisoned". But we still saw heavily edited models in magazines and films. We still saw heavily muscled men in cartoons and movies. But most of us like me, use social media mostly to message friends, and watch funny clips or follow our interests. It isn't our lives. It only makes my life easiemore enjoyable/informative.
I dont want to write forever but quickly touching on dating, I WILL agree people are more disposable than ever. It's so fucking easy to find the slightest flaw with a date and just bin them and sort through the near endless pile. When I was younger before internet was as big I had like 50-100 girls my age in my life and if I didn't like at least one of them that was bad luck since I didn't have others to pick from. It made you much more accepting of things and willing to compromise. But there still are TONS of people out there to meet organically without having the huge pressures of online dating. I personally have never used apps before and never had a problem.
TLDR - The bad parts of social media, online dating and internet in general are put in the spotlight and most people are actually just as normal as they were 10-20 years ago. In fact I'd say people are more aware and educated than they ever were.

I am very scientific and visual when it comes to learning. I am also super detail-oriented. I like to know everything that is happing so that i can best replicate it. I am gonna put a link of a video kind of what I'm talking about https://youtu.be/wYwk07QM4rc?si=oataxo2WQglDj3Hi . Except I am wondering if, instead of speech, there are any videos where a diagram is shown while sounds of singing are being made. I am having a lot og trouble with my onsets and I want to see exactly how the throat, mouth and body move from a relaxed position to a singing position . I want to see what moves, how much, what sounds make which muscles move. I know this is a lot to ask, but if you know of any videos/ apps pls lmk. Thank youuuuuu

Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

TLDR: major right lower leg cramps in the same spot for years about every month, started happening a couple years after my leg broke 11 years ago.
Main story:
For years I've had these major cramps that would only occur around the same area where I broke my leg. It broke due to some pocket of gas or air that was trapped in my bone, weakening it, waiting for an impact. In early June of 2013, I fell over on my bike off a ramp and fractured my right lower leg, above the ankle (don't know which bone, but maybe 1/3 distance from the ankle to the knee).
The doctor who put my leg in a cast put the cast on with my leg improperly aligned, and this wasn't noticed or said or whatever until the cast was removed 6 months later and taken off earlier than the 9 months we were told by the doc. The nurse who took it off even told us that I didn't need a cast to begin with, I just needed a boot for a few months; hence why they were removing the cast early. My parents tried pursuing litigation, but the doctor just disappeared. He moved out of state before my cast was even removed (couldn't book an appointment with him, so we just had it checked out at the local hospital, that's when we learned about not needing a cast and such; xrayed and removed the cast same day), then he moved of the country before we got anything figured out. Ended up just dropping the whole thing, but I'm still dealing with the problems it caused. Never attended any physical therapy because my dad didn't think I needed it, but I walk mostly normal now when I'm not effected by the cramps, tho my right foot is noticeably pointed outwards; like so much so I've been called out by different band directors and a field judge during marching band for how my foot sticks out. Most people don't notice it tho until I say something.
My lower right leg is not in line with my knee, it angles out to the right more than normal (if I lay on my back, my left foot points mostly straight up, but my right foot lays down almost flat on it's side. When I stand up tho, I'd guess it's only 45° to right right if my knee is straight forward). A couple years after I broke it, I started getting an extreme cramp that would last 10 or 15 minutes every few months on the back side of my leg near where I broke it. It feels like my foot is trying to bend backwards: if I try to relax and give in, it shoots to a 10/10 pain, but if I resist and try to point my foot upwards or bring it back towards me then its only the 7-8/10. Lifting my leg up so it doesn't touch anything helps a bit. If I'm sleeping when it happens, I've gotten used to yanking the covers off of it since the weight of the blanket makes it worse.
And after the cramp is done, my whole leg is extremely sore and it hurts to walk on, sometimes I'd use my old crutch to help walk, but I've gone with a cane in the last 3 years when it occurs. For a few hours upwards of a day after the cramp, it could occur again if I moved my leg in the wrong way, specifically pointing it downwards too much. The soreness could last days or a week tho, and I would walk with a limp until the pain subsided, the cane and crutch helping to not put so much pressure on that leg and at least mitigated the pain.
I never really brought this up with my primary doc cause I just assumed it was related to the breaking of the bone and maybe the muscles were like trying to pull the bone back in place since my lower leg was misaligned. But a couple days ago, I just had the exact same cramp in my other leg?? Like exact same cramp, same spot, same feeling, tho for a much shorter time (maybe 2 minutes max), but the pain hurt just as much. Leg was sore and hurt to walk afterwards for the day tho I didn't need the cane like when it happens to my right leg. I was laying in bed asleep with a cover over my feet when it happened. I yanked the sheets off my legs like normal, but it was the other leg? I believe my foot was pointed far downwards (tippy toe sorta look but laying down) when I woke up, so maybe this was just a more normal cramp? It's got me concerned tho cause if this starts happening in both my legs, even if it's months apart at best between cramps, if they occur close together I'm not sure how'd I'd be able to walk well afterwards. This just got me more worried, but I am still more interested in my right leg and it's reoccuring cramps.
I'm planning on bringing this up to my doc when I see her in a couple weeks, but I wanted to get a few opinions from here before I do. Happy to answer any and all questions; I tried to put as much detail as I could here, but please ask if you need even the smallest of details. I tried looking up a diagram or anatomy of the leg see if there was an obvious answer (like the soleus or achilles muscles, maybe the gastronemius cause it hurts the most afterwards even tho the pain or cramp doesn't feel like it originates there), but I'm not sure. I'm not a doctor obviously lol.
Other details:
My left leg hasn't endured any major trauma like the right leg (no breaks or fractures, no major cramps like this until now), tho it is a few cm shorter than the right leg (not sure if the right leg being set wrong also lengthened it or if it's just naturally a little shorter, doubt it matter tho)
My left leg was never xrayed, so idk if it also an air pocket or whatever in the bone, but I'd guess it doesn't since when I broken my right leg, I actually fell over onto my left leg; despite that, it was somehow the right leg which broke.
I also did have a reoccurence of the left leg cramp a few hours after the big cramp, like what happens with the right leg sometimes when it cramps. Besides the duration and pain afterwards, this left leg cramp has been very similar to the right leg cramp.
Supplements haven't worked. I tried taking potassium and eating more bananas years ago, didn't change anything. My diet has changed wildly a couple times and none of it ever changed the frequency or severity of the cramps. My mom got me some over the counter medicine a year ago that is supposed to help with leg cramps and soreness, but it also did nothing even for the soreness afterwards.
Nothing really predicts these cramps either, they just happen randomly. I've had them as soon as a week or two apart, but I've also gone like 8 or 9 months without a cramp before. Typically, they happen about once every month, maybe month and half. I do occasionally get a general 1-3/10 pain where I broke my leg out of no where that lasts a couple days too. Not sure if it's like arthritis, or humidty like how old people say their joints predict the weather lol. I've not noticed a pattern yet tho, that dull pain just comes and goes also every few months.
Last thing I can think off: three years ago I pulled a muscle in my upper right leg. This is when I switched from crutch to cane because I went from using a crutch for a few days every couple months to using it just to walk every day. The cane was just easier and more practical especially since my job at the time required me to walk around a parking lot at the end of the day. This slowly went away over the course of maybe two or three months. Even tho I mentioned all this, I don't think it's related because I still had one of my normal major cramps in the lower leg during the same time. I just wanted to be very thorough in my details.
Oh yeah, forgot to mention: I'm male, currently 22, almost 23, and I broke my leg when I was 11, almost 12. The cramps have persisted through big weight gain and loss, diet changes, medicine changes, etc. And I still do get minor cramps in that leg and the other one too, typical cramps I think tho that are just caused by moving in a weird way, last about a minute or less, more uncomfortable than painful, don't leave last pain or soreness beyond maybe an hour.
These other super painful cramps just happen out of nowhere tho, they haven't ever occured when I was in school or working, never while driving or exercising: I'd guess the only pattern would be they happen when I'm more relaxed maybe? Most often when I'm laying down either bed, or couch, or reclining chair.
From what I can see of my leg during the cramp, it just looks like my foot is trying to point downwards. I don't see anything on/under the skin like ripples or tension in the muscles like I've seen in some videos. It literally just looks like my foot is pointing downwards; meanwhile I'm heaving and panting in pain, lifting my leg in the air, and holding that for 10 or 15 minutes while I try absolute hardest to, what feels like, not allow my foot to bend backwards.
So again, if anyone has any ideas of what anything might be, please let me known. I'm getting tired of dealing of dealing with the pain and I wanna get it figured out. And since my left leg did a similar thing, now I'm even more worried. I hope I didn't overwhelm with info lol, I've had plenty of time to try and understand what's been going on, but I think it's finally time to get some outside help.

I remember cartoon posters for kids in the early 90s about the inner workings of the human body.
They had cells looking kind of bean shaped, wearing hats related to their job, like little hard-hats when constructing muscle. Or they'd be carrying oxygen on their back.
I think they had a fair amount of text on them as well, detailing bodily functions in language kids could understand.
I'm pretty sure it was a series of posters, or maybe a coffee table book?
Can anyone help me find them?

maybe i'm just about to start my period, it comes at random, but i feel like all i can think about is food
i went grocery shopping a few days ago but i made sure to only buy filling, nutritious, and low-ish calories things so if i do end up binging, it's not that bad. i bought mostly meat (chicken, turkey, and beef) along with some veggies and fruit. bought some keto bread too - im not keto but it tends to be the lowest cal options. and my favorite part of it: protein pasta. so id say it's pretty well balanced although i do switch the protein and veggies on the food plate diagram as per my dieticians instructions (i have ARFID so it's hard for me to eat anything that isn't meat, but im doing a lot better now and protein and veggies are almost equal on my plate)
but for some reason i just can't stop thinking about food. i eat around 2000-2200 cal a day (maintenance is 2700). im full at around 1800 but the other 200-400 is all just grazing between meals. i cant fast, im miserable the entire time and always ends in a binge, although i do try to get a couple bottles of water in before i eat in the mornings so kind of intermittent fasting? idk
im still losing weight, a seemingly random amount each week. sometimes it's 0.2lbs, sometimes it's 5lbs. but im sure that has to do with salt intake why some weeks are more successful than others. but the food noise is awful. im positive i would've lost probably 2x's more weight over the past month if it wasn't for the food noise
short of stimulant medication and weight loss injectables, is there a way to curb the constant thoughts about food? they only seem to stop when i'm walking but i can't walk 24/7. im taking a rest day tomorrow and sunday to give my body a chance to recover sore muscles and to enjoy mother's day with my family instead of obsessing over getting above a certain amount of steps so im sure the food noise will be worse
any tips?

Hey y’all!! So I have my tox on the way, but I’ve never administered it myself. I’ve studied it very thoroughly online but I’m still not satisfied. Any tips would be so appreciated. My goal is to inject where my jowls, jaw will look more defined, and to get rid of the wrinkles on my forehead and crows feet. Just a lift and anything that will make my face look youthful! I had it done back in February and I paid $700 for her to do only around my brows, and crows feet and 11’s… but my wrinkles are still there 🤷🏻‍♀️ she did a crappy job. I am an excellent candidate for Botox because I’ve only had it done maybe 3 times in my life. So it normally works like a charm for close to a year!! But this time it was no bueno. It’s because of her I’m taking it into my own hands and will try doing it myself 😂 who has $700 to throw away and have like 2/10 of the results you paid to have ? No thanks!!!! 🙏 also I’d love some diagrams on muscles and thickness of injections?? Thanks ahead of time!!

Saw a new YouTube commercial today for dog food.
It talks about helping your dog have “delightful poops”, and is done in a simple cartoon with light green being a base color for the theme (iirc).
It took me off guard and made me ACTUALLY laugh, before my muscle memory kicked in to skip it, sadly before noting the company name.
The basic gist was that dog poops will be made “better” by enhancing the amount of fiber intake. Any help appreciated.