It was about five months ago. Me, my father, mother and my aunt and uncle all drove up to see the christmas lights.
In the car ride I mentioned to my aunt about a time she told an older couple my families house burned down (it didnt really) so they would help us with furniture and how I thought it was hilarious.
I guess she didn't take it the right way. She went on some traid about how great her sister and brother in law were, especially during holiday and how she'd rather spend time with them.
She also said something about how I should seek out someone like "Dr Kavorkian" (I'm on disability for manic depression) if you don't know the reference, he was a doctor who did physician assisted suicides.
Nobody in the car said a word, and now it's five months later and I still think about it. I brought it up to both my parents, and they honestly just act like I'm starting problems, or it didn't happen. They both threatened to ask or talk to her about it, but I don't think it was a good thing. Part of me believes they actually all believe in what she said.

The dungeon master described the party stepping through the wizard's portal into the plane of Elemental Chaos. "Before you lies a tempestuous sea of ever-changing terrain and clashing elements. The portal has opened onto a planetoid floating in the sea of shifting energies. Standing a ways away is a giant humanoid figure that seems to be made out of some of the same energies."
"Giant?" Sara asked?
"Yeah, it's like fifty feet tall. Looking upon its face makes your gut wrench as its face is a pool of ever-churning distorted energies. Make a save versus fear."
The players snatched up dice bags. Twenty-sided dice were rolled all around the table, but Mary, sitting to the right of Sara, noticed that Sara hesitated.
"What did you call these things again?" Sara asked. "Primordials? I didn't really imagine that they'd be so ugly or terrifying... or big."
"Oh, fine," the dungeon master responded. "Ambriel the rogue can have advantage on this check. What is your roll?"
Sara picked up an extra dice, tossed them into the bowl on the table and squinted at them in the dim light of the basement. "I got an eight." she said, frowning.
"Sorry, Ambriel and anyone else that got below a ten is afraid of the figure and will be at a disadvantage for initiative. The figure lets out a scream that sounds like an avalanche in a hurricane. Roll initiative!"
"Nineteen!" the boy across the table said. "Fifteen!" said another after rolling some dice. "I have a plus two, and I only got a twelve." said Mary.
"What about you Sara?" the dungeon master asked.
"Um, I don't want to fight it. Can I try talking to it?"
"I guess so," said the dungeon master, frowning. "What will you try saying to it?
"Well first," Sara started, "Is it at its house?"
The dungeon master and the boys across the table erupted into laughter. The dungeon master managed to stop laughing and reply. "These things don't have houses. They just live outside in the chaos."
"Oh." Sara looked disappointed. "I thought they would have houses." and then quieter. "Maybe a family."
The dungeon master laughed again. "What are you going to say to it?"
"I guess I'll say: 'Greetings friend! Do you know which way it is to the Dark Wizard Malik's tower?'"
The dungeon master laughed yet again. "It doesn't seem to understand what you're saying. It screams again and then attacks. Do you have your initiative number yet?"
Mary had been glaring at the dungeon master. He finally noticed her expression and slouched down, a sheepish look crossing his face as if he knew he was going to be in trouble.
Sara frowned, rolled her dice, and then stated "Six."
The party proceeded to fight with the primordial and Sara participated but wasn't really enjoying the situation. After the beast fell the party raced to loot its corpse.
"What did we find?" the boy across the table asked eagerly.
"Nothing, of course!" the dungeon master announced with some glee in his voice. "The primordial's body has evaporated and merged with the endless chaos around you."
"Well that's at least one thing you got right." Sara said.
"What do you mean?" Mary asked.
"Oh, forget it." Sara responded.
The end of the combat signaled the end of the evening since it was already past eight. The friends scooped dice and character sheets back into their bags, cleaned up the snacks, and said their goodbyes for the evening. Sara walked up the stairs and into the front yard with the other two boys. Chris's mom was there to pick up him and Tyler. She waved at them as they drove away and then started toward her own house just down the street.
The walk was only five minutes, if she took her time, and she had walked this street a hundred times before. She was enjoying the breeze and the crisp night air and didn't notice when the footsteps behind her started. When she noticed them she'd picked up her pace but they grew uncomfortably close. Sara spun around and was faced with a figure in the shadows behind her. It was only a few feet away but she couldn't make out a face.
"What do you want?" She asked the shadow. It did not respond. It did, however, step forward into the glow of the nearby street light. Still, its form appeared like a pitch black hole in the world; a torn place in space the shape and size of a man. The shadow reached toward Sara and she knew that this was an undead being. It had been hoping it could claim the life force of a human this evening; to pull her into the shadow realm and keep her there till she had faded away and become another shadow. Unfortunately for the shadow, she was not a victim that could be claimed so easily.
Sara dropped her book back and grabbed the shadow's arm, glancing down the street to make sure it was clear. Then she released her human disguise and pulled the shadow closer. She stared into the colorless void where its eyes should have been and the shadow stared back into the ever-changing distortion that her face had become. Lightning arced across Sara's skin that now appeared to be made of a roiling mass of stone and waves of pure water.
Sara's outline blurred and her humanoid form faded almost completely, leaving a cloud of elements ever fighting for position, yet she didn't let go of the shadow. The shadow was in a panic now, struggling and desperately trying to free itself from her grasp, to no avail. Sara pulled the shadow inside her cloud and it was ripped and torn by every element until it was gone in just a moment.
Sara concentrated for a moment and reached a human hand out of her cloud of chaos, and picked up her book bag. She formed an arm and shoulder to put the bag on, then a head and some feet and finally squeezed the last bit of her cloud into the shape of a green jacket. "Was she wearing a blue jacket before or a green one?" she asked herself. "I guess it doesn't really matter." she answered, and changed the jacket to blue.
***************************
Sara, Chris and Tyler walked up the stairs out of the basement, leaving Mary and the dungeon master still sitting at the table. The dungeon master was shuffling some papers, his mind racing with ideas for the next session. Mary stared at him, arms crossed and after a moment she finally spoke. "That was mean, Brian."
Brian looked up from his papers. "What?" he asked defensively with a worried look on his face.
"The primordial we met tonight in the game. That wasn't cool." She mocked an imitation of Brian: "It just lives outside in the chaos. Its sooooo ugly and scary." She crossed her arms again and stared daggers at him. Brian was silent and just looked down at his lap.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I thought we were supposed to act like we didn't know..."
"You know she's not going to keep playing with us if you keep being an asshole, right?"
Brian frowned and was quiet.
"Don't you like her playing with us?" Mary continued. "She's a way better rogue than Johnathan was. If she leaves and Johnathan finds out we have room at the table then we might have to let him join the party again. Is that what you want?"
Brian shuddered. "No. I do like her playing with us. She is a pretty awesome rogue." They sat in silence for a minute. "I'll make it better next week. I have some ideas."
"Good." Mary stood up and walked to the stairs. "We'd better not be fighting a changeling or a dragon next week." she said with a laugh.
The outside air was cool and crisp; the twilight had faded already and the streetlights were on. Chris and Tyler had left already; their mom always picked them up. Sara lived at the end of the street. Mary looked down the street toward Sara's house and near the other end of the street she saw Sara, almost home. Mary shivered as she watched as a shadow approached Sara. Mary then watched as Sara discorporated into a chaotic mass of lightning arcs and flame over a roiling mass of rocks and water. In another moment she had absorbed the shadow and it was gone. Those shadows gave her the creeps and she was glad another one was gone. Mary's parents had told her many times how they were lucky to have the Smiths living on their street. "Good girl." Mary whispered as she watched Sara pick up her book bag and put on her human disguise for the rest of her walk home. Mary walked back into the house.
***************************
Sara reached the end of the street, hopped up the porch stair to her front door and walked inside, locking the door behind her. Inside, her mother and father were lounging on the sofa watching a reality TV show together. Her dad waved a friendly tendril of water at her and turned his attention back to the show. Sara's mom floated up and across the room, her pattern of fire and stone indicated concern.
"Is everything okay honey?"
"Well" Sara started slowly. "In tonight's game we finally met a primordial, but the party just killed it. The dungeon master thought it looked scary." Sara dismissed her human disguise, released a small puff of smoke and slouched a bit. "Are they ever going to accept us for who we are?"
Sara's mom wrapped her in a hug. "Your friends do like you dear. It doesn't matter that you don't look like they do."
"Yeah, I guess you're right mom. Thanks." She brightened up a bit, her waves of water crashing in a happy whirlpool. She started up the stairs to her room but halfway up she turned around and said "Oh yeah, I got another shadow on the way home." Her mom, who had already returned to the sofa, crashed a tiny avalanche of stone in approval and then returned to watching the show.

My (26f) dad (60m) consistently hates every man that ALL of his daughters, including me, express interest in or date. We do not date bad guys. These men are not criminals, losers or abusers with bad intentions or bad behavior. He consistently finds minuscule things to pick on such as their jobs not being good enough for him or them not being handsome enough for his taste. He then proceeds to drive them away with irrational behavior such as threats, aggressive words, and intimidation. It really makes us uncomfortable. We are all adults in our 20s and 30s. It is absolutely INSANE that he acts this way and because of this I’m seriously thinking of going minimal contact with him because it would be wildly unhealthy for me to remain close to him in this stage of my life trying to pursue a serious relationship moving forward.
He doesn’t see his behavior as wrong, he thinks it’s justified. I tried talking to him so many times but hes so arrogant he thinks he’s always correct. I recently started seeing someone, he’s a good man and successful. He seems chill and peaceful. One of my biggest relationship goals right now is peace and tranquility. But my dad won’t respect it because in his opinion, he’s ugly. How could you be so arrogant, shallow and stupid. The girlfriends he cheated on my mom with were nothing to ride home about yet I never bashed them or said this one is ugly you can do better dad! Fucking hypocrite. He has also said he doesn’t like that I’m dating a man older than me yet he himself is currently dating a younger woman. He is actually quite stupid, contradictory and hypocritical but can’t see it.

My aunt F(40) and I F(25) agreed to both get an apartment with both of our names on the lease. She was in a rush to get an apartment as she had just had a divorce, and I wanted my own place after moving out of my boyfriend’s parent’s house.
She was in a rush to sign the papers and move in because she had nowhere else to go. Her sister (my other aunt) allowed her to live in her house rent free for a couple months before she needed to look for a place. So once she found out, I was breaking up she took it as an opportunity to get a roommate.
I feel like me being naïve and new to the lease signing process was seen as an opportunity to take advantage. The day of signing the lease they told us that we couldn’t view the unit because it wasn’t ready and I told her that I didn’t sign it because I don’t know what the condition is but she insisted that we do and that we can fix it later, so I did trusting her.
Once we move in, it’s a very old department and we are paying roughly 1,500 in rent. It’s a two bed two bath. It comes with the garage for a single car, which she has claimed since she pays more. She has the master bedroom with a standup shower and a bathtub as well as “his and her sink”. I have the guest restroom, which is just a simple small bathroom with a tub shower, toilet and sink.
Initially, the agreement was the I pay a portion of the rent, electricity and Internet. Her mother, which is my grandmother was trying to help us get us into our own place so sent her $5000 which was supposed to be divided by two which would give $2500 to her and $2500 to me. I didn’t know about this until recently as she hid it and was acting like it was given to her for months, and even made it seem like she was being nice by helping me out since I couldn’t afford some stuff during she furniture shopping. So when we went shopping for the apartment, I tried to help pay for half of groceries and little furnishings that I could afford out of my pocket. When it came to picking out couches, she made it seem like a very carefree experience (not paying attending to price) and was looking for a very big couch that was lavish and when I told her I couldn’t afford it, she said don’t worry Grandmother is helping us out. (but we’re just spending my portion of the money on the couch she wanted) If I had known that MY money was going towards that couch, I would’ve definitely chose a cheaper one and put more thought into selecting it.
I had a gut feeling about the spending and asked my grandmother about the “help she gave us”, she told me the truth: that $2500 should have gone to me, and she’s sorry that she didn’t clarify it soon as she sent it. She thought my aunt would’ve done the right thing and give it to me to help me purchase my furniture for my room. Later she went shopping for a brand new mattress and began shopping for more furniture and decor. Meanwhile, my room is full of free furniture that is used and that I’ve gotten from family members storage and IKEA furniture that I bought out of my own pocket.
I am a full-time student, receiving assistance from the gov receiving 1400/month as a Veterans dependent. And I also do commissions on the side to make extra money. So I live very frugally naturally and am a minimalist tbh and yes I CAN afford bills and own groceries. I’ll also watch all her animals while she’s out of town for free (2 cats and 1 dog). I only have one cat and often clean the whole apartment, including helping her with her laundry that sits in the washedryer. Since i see it as a contribution and helping her out.
The agreement has changed in the past four months that I’ve lived with her. We are 4 months into a 14 month lease. She pays $1200 a month for rent, I am responsible for everything else. That being: whatever is left of rent, water, electricity, Internet, and I have to pay for my own parking every month at the apartment we stay (she gets garage so she doesn’t have to pay parking)
Lately she’s been asking me if I’m going to get a job and to start contributing more towards the rent, which caught me off guard as I thought we had already come to an agreement on the rent/bills situation before signing the lease and revisiting about a month ago. Right now I’m roughly paying $600-$700 in utilities and rent combined. If it gets more expensive and bills go up I am responsible for the overages and she seems to like to leave the AC low and lights on. She’ll leave her clothes in the washer and forget to throw them in the dryer and end up washing them again. The same thing with the dryer. Even if it’s dry she’ll, have to redry it to “freshen it up”.
I’m also probably undiagnosed OCD, my only complaint to her is to be clean and at least keep common areas tidy. She likes to leave things in the sink overnight, dump her weeks worth of coffee cups that she brings from work in the sink and leave them for hours. Her dog will pee around the apartment and I find it after it dries up and becomes sticky after I step in it. I’ve mentioned these issues before, but she seems to shrug them off and give me excuses.
I’ll leave for days at a time and give her a notice on when I leave and come back because I know I am leaving my cat with her, but I make sure he always has food and I come by and check on him, clean litter box and tidy up around the place if I’m staying at my boyfriends, which is only 20 minutes away. She complain the fact that I’m gone too long. And when I’m at the apartment, it seems to bother her that I do school from home and can work from home doing commissions. I’m an introvert.
She is a shopping addict and is in debt and also runs a business that is in the red, she has no children and she seems to be living above what she can afford. Her ex husband is needing help financially and I think it’s affecting her financially. In the end she’s asking for me to help her as she is struggling with her lifestyle, relationship, and business.
Some people might say that my situation isn’t that bad or that I’m overthinking, but since this is a family member, it’s hard to set boundaries as well as stand up for myself when I respect her as an aunt.
She’s came to me offering to help me in the beginning when I was looking for a place and now it seems like a trap. My parents asked me to move back in so that I could save money and avoid rent but she said if I move out I’m fully responsible for breaking the lease or paying for her to downsize into a single bed room unit, which would be $1300 in fees or more. I want to stand my ground since my name is on that lease and we made an agreement. I’m frustrated and really need advice. Am I wrong, should I help more or is she just taking advantage.

Hello everyone! I hope you all are doing well while reading this post.
I am currently trying to join a game I had been invited to that has been running for around 2 years irl. The PCs are level 11 and are soon to hit twelve. There is a lot of lore for this game, but their current predicament is that they're trying to have an audience with Lord Neverwinter and to do so, they gotta kill some giants. Unfortunately for the party of 4 (Phantom Rogue, Life Cleric, Lore Bard, Divination Wizard), they are in DIRE need of a tank. So I started making one. Had some issues with communication with the DM but, with the help of some other friends of mine, I finally decided on making a Reborn Cavalier Fighter. However, when I finally have the chance to communicate with the DM about my ideas for a character, a lot of complications arise.
A bit more than a couple of hours ago, I write to the DM on Discord to check if they had time to talk about the character since our game was the very next day and I had next to nothing to work with. DM is a very busy person, but says we can talk around the end of the day. I affirm that notion and let them know what my plan for my character was. At this point, it was my understanding that the party still had some problems with the Red Wizards of Thay and were investigating some magical shenanigans. The wizard and rogue specifically had backstory ties that only served to further their hatred for the group. Thus, I decided to make a Cavalier Fighter who had a wizard lover while he was alive and died protecting his lover. He waited for his lover to join him in the afterlife for a while, but when Mystra showed up instead of the and explained the situation, he wanted to go back to find out what happened to his husband. Thus, he became a Reborn with the goal of finding his husband's grave, learning that the Red Wizards purged it and stole his soul, and joining the party in their hatred towards them.
The issue with this backstory, from my understanding of the DMs perspective, was that it took too much away from the actual story at hand. This is when I found out that the party wouldn't interact with the Red Wizards any more and were headed in a direction that I wouldn't be able to really know about. Instead, the DM proposed that I be a reborn giant soul that was brought back from a time travel accident gone wrong and I would now act as an information giver for the party. I did not want to lose out on the story I crafted since I felt very attached to the concept of love thriving even after death, but when I tried to ask how the DM would have rathered I build my character's story, the offers that were given had very little substance for me to build an actual character off of.
To me, it felt like I was being asked to build an NPC that would give the party information and fight with the party but not have any emotional ties of their own to the story. The end of our discussion came from them saying "maybe take a step back, think about it one more time from a clean slate. It doesn't need to be a whole detailed thing. Just a template you can work from with some basic motivations, ideals, and flaws." I feel like I just wasted a bunch of time and effort trying to make an emotionally driven and persuasive character fir the party to feel attached to, just to be told to make a template character with some pre-generated personality traits. I believe it is in my best interest to leave the game but maybe I am being too harsh on the DM and misconstruing their words. Maybe I'm too attached to the character concept I made and should learn how to compromise more, even if it feels like the reasons the character would work well are being gutted. What do you all think? I don't think I can make a proper decision without being influenced by my emotions.

TLDR

I made a backstory that the DM doesn't believe would work for his world. DM then strongly suggests that I either make changes that I feel would gut my character and turn them into a glorified NPC or make a new NPC from scratch. I think I should leave, but I don't think I can trust my gut right now. What do you think?

I'll try to make this as short as possible even though it's a lot.
So I'm currently in a high conflict custody battle of 3 kids that has been going on nearly a year. End of November they issued temporary orders, I got totally screwed because the ex made a false DV accusation right before the hearing through attorneys to get me out of the house which then made her Status Quo so she got 80% custody till final orders. My children are age 3, 4 and now 15(14 at the time of orders). I get them every weekend on a 2 week rotation from either Fri-Sun or Sat-Sun.
So one day after the orders were issued my ex sent me a text that my oldest son wouldn't be coming, said she spoke with her attorney and I can't force him to go. I was represented at this time by a totally worthless attorney who wouldn't contest the temp orders and refused to notify the court that she was refusing visitation of my son.
In January I became Pro Se, I sent her attorney an email asking to resolve the order violation, this guy essentially told me I haven't done enough to be allowed to see my son, essentially blaming me for absolute nonsense. In March I filed a motion to enforce, attorney responded saying I never spoke to him at all and he wasn't aware of any violations. The motion has basically sat there and the judge won't rule on it. I had a motion to appoint a family investigator which was granted, he concluded his investigation at the end of March I believe. Essentially it said, Mom was inappropriately giving him a choice to visit me and also not encouraging him to come. Unsure why he didn't call it Parental Alienation since that's why he was appointed but whatever. Said that none of my children are of mental maturity to decide on custody and said the recommendation is 50/50. In that report it also stated that therapy for me or for reintegration isn't necessary based on his home visit observation with me and all 3 kids. Obviously it said a lot more but won't get into that stuff.
At the latest hearing in May the judge warned her to obey the orders or face serious consequences at final orders. Judge also said she meant to rule on the enforcement but forgot yet still hasn't ruled on it. I asked my ex yet again to see my son and she said because it's mother's day weekend he probably won't want to come but she'll let me know. Of course no response and I didn't get him. I again messaged her attorney, he said I need to attend not only therapy for myself but reintegration therapy before I'm allowed to see him.
Last week I filed a motion for contempt since I'm kinda out of options since she is willfully withholding visitation and knowingly violating the order. There is absolutely no way to mediate anything and her attorney is a nightmare to speak with. I reached out to the county DA office on Friday possibly seeking charges for Parental Interference since maybe criminal court will take this a bit more seriously. I have seen my son maybe 2 hours since November including the hour long investigation for the home visit which she so graciously allowed me to have him for an hour.
So I'm at a loss with all this, I don't want to get all sexist about the family courts but I seriously doubt I'd be allowed to do what she's doing without being handcuffed within the month. This has gone on now nearly 6 months and there's no stopping it. What else can I do to hold her accountable for her actions? Courts don't care and the police generally don't get involved in civil custody disputes.

My son, who is a high school first-year student, goes to school and sleeps as usual every day. He sleeps and gets up in four to five hours. After that, he starts working normally. Takes dinner, sometimes takes a bath, sometimes cleans, washes clothes, and does similar work. But after that, I never saw him doing much schoolwork. He says, "I finished my assignment late at night,"' but I have never seen such a thing. Instead, he watches movies. He has good grades, and he manages his schoolwork well. He has always been the student of the month and has excelled in school.Then, when we get ready for bed, he starts his daily routine like it's a new day, and he walks all over the house while we sleep with the doors closed and the lights off. Going to the bathroom. Looking for food. This is a big problem for us because we are not able to sleep normally, and I also wake up. So I have no sleep there. What should I do about this, and how should I make him spend the day in the right way?
According to him, during school hours, he overworked, completed his schoolwork, and devoted time to extracurricular activities. He never comes home from school work, so he says that he works very hard at school, so I need sleep. So we're not going to bother him too much about that. We let him have a nap after school. But this has now become a huge psychological problem for him and for us because he can't sleep until 2 or 3 a.m. I am very stressed about this as a mother. Sometimes I feel like giving him a sleeping pill to get back to his normal schedule and routine. It disturbs my normal sleep every day. He gets up at one, two, three, four in the morning and walks around the house without making a sound. Not only that, he gets hungry and he looks for food. So this is a big problem for me. I am not able to sleep continuously because of him because his and my rooms are next to each other. I feel him every moment and I wake up. Because of this, I am under tremendous mental stress.Some days I do pick him up after school and take him for a walk or groceries to avoid an early nap before nighttime. But as soon as possible, when we got back home, he fell asleep. That didn't work to kill his urge to sleep because he would fall asleep as soon as we got back home. When he gets up after that, he starts working at ten o'clock in the middle of the night, as usual.If he continues to act like this, I feel he probably won't be able to maintain his normal body. Also, I think he will get sick without getting the proper rest. Please advise me about how I should help my child.

Prepare for a wall of text, this is a long one. Im posting this after a question in touched a sensitive fiber and I need some advice on how to proceed.
She is a married friend of mine, but our friendship is quite peculiar.
We know eachother since our last year at university (eight years ago), we did a team asignament and got along well so we continued seeing eachother after the course ended. We clicked well and talked about everything including our romantic lifes, her almost sexless relationship and my shitty and sexless dating life. We developed trust, companionship and a curiosity for trying new things together. We have the same values, political leaning and dark sense of humour. It is a great friendship and we can confide eachother anything.
She was in an almost sexless relationship for years, she married that same guy and is still married to him (14 years together and counting). Her relationship with her now husband is great except for the sexual aspect. This was a recurring conflict in her relationship up to the point than her then BF told her than "if she wanted sex so much she could find someone else", it didnt bothered him that she had sex outside of the relationship. She almost told him to go fuck himself right there. Ironically, near the marriage date she found chats his fiance had with another woman, he was planing on cheating on her. They talked thing out, she forgave him and got married. I asked her WTF she was thinkig, but she said she loved him...
Over the years of closeness, trust and mutual support, we developed atraction we both adknowledged to eachother but we both knew nothing would happen because she was married. Just to give you an example, she once told me that if she wasnt married we would have been having sex from long ago (wierd to translate from spanish), and I told her that the only thing stopping me is that she respected her marriage. This kind pull and push went on every once in a while for years. We both knew nothing would happen but we liked having someone that made us feel sexually desired, as her relationship was as sexless as before the marriage, and my dating life sucked big time.
Arround year and a half ago, she gave her husband an ultimatum and he finally went to an endocrinologist and a therapist, and after some time their sexual life improved. This went fine for arround a year until her father in law passed away, and their sex life plummeted again.
In our last meetups she told me her husband screwed up again, she found he had a collection of pictures he took from a coworkers IG profile and pictures from other women, which he looked before having sex with her to arouse and prepare himself for the act. When she confronted him, he said he was going to try to improve, but a month passed and he was caught again looking at other womens pic. He said to her that his psychologist told him he wasnt hurting anyone by doing this, as it wasnt cheating.
He said he wanted to do a clean slate, try from the begining again and she also said she had something to confess. A year after the wedding, she took some singing lessons (she sings preety well) and there was a classmate that didnt gave a fuck she was married, she hadnt had sex in months, found someone who was agresive in his aproach, lusted for her and caved in. She told me about the guy when this happened, but she lied to me and said that "it took a lot of willpower and self restraint not to cheat".
Now, here is the problem:
I never expected her to dump her BF/husband for me because that is a recipe for failure and being replaced on the same way the previous guy was. And while I stated I was interested I never pushed to far because of her morals (christian practicing woman who believed in marriage and loyalty AFAIK then). I have to admit than I if she dumped him I would have taken my chance because she is everything I want in a woman (except for the cheating part), she actually raised the standard of what I would like in a long term partner.
But it really pissed me off than the moment she decides to take the risk to set her life on fire, she does it with a random guy, and that the excuse she gave me is that she valued our friendship and would have caused her a lot of pain if her husband found out and she couldnt see me again, she didnt sleep with me because she valued me. What kind of twisted, emotionally manipulative way ot thinking is that???
I honestly feel used for the validation her husband didnt gave her for years, and a part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and never talk to her again. Another part of me sees a great friend in her, and it would hurt me dearly not having her in my life. This confession changed the way I see her, there is no going back from that. I can accept being second to her husband, but not to a random stranger (one who didnt gave a fuck about her values and pushed until he got into her pants).
I have to be honest too, and in these eight years my dating life was a dissaster, I never dated much, I tried for a month or two, then dropped the towel for months on a never ending cycle with longer hiatus each time. Dating allmost always lead nowhere for me, I only had sex with two women in all that time, I would have loved a LTR but it never happened for me. So, having someone that found me atractive as a person and as a man made me feel a bit valued.
TLDR: I have feelings for a married friend, she said she is atracted to me too. It never lead somewhere because we both knew our place. She cheated on her husband with a random guy and told me she didnt cheat on him with me because she valued me.

Hi so I reread Nausicaa after a few and I gotta say I still love it and one of my top 5, but I do have a few questions. Really my only gripe is that Teto died, lol.
1) When the 2nd Daikaishi occurred, the Ohmu and other bugs went to stop the genetically modified mold, not all of the Ohmu and bugs died right? I recalled a few scenes where the People of Forest were still harvesting bug eggs and a scene where a dying bug was basically lying her eggs in a cistern or water storage. Though a lot of the Ohmu and bugs died, not the entire species right.
2) When Nausicaa destroyed The Crypt, did she destroy The Garden along with it? To me it didn't seemed so. She destroyed the puppetmaster and the new seeds of humanity, some of their technologies. One thing I remembered was after she left the Garden, she met up with her Wormhandler, and they had to travel sometime at least 20 Leagues (22.5 miles, 1 league = 1.125 mile) to reached the Crypt. So reminants of the ancient world would still exists if th garden exists. The knowledge, art, and things worth passing onto humanity after the cleansing still remained.
3) If the garden remained then humanity still have access to it. Like the garden will always welcome in anybody that chooses to stay and some people can leave or bound to leave.There's also possibility of other gardens and seeds of humanity too. Another I recalled to is that the Master of the Garden, left the garden door opened for Nausicaa should she ever intend to return.
4) This lead me to my next thought after seeing how people were so split on the ending on Reddit. Did Nausicaa really doomed humanity? The master of the garden had the technologies to rid her of radiation poisoning and heck modify her to adapt to the purified environment. And they technology is still there. Another thought is depending on how the Master of the Garden modified Nausicaa, if it's genetically, then her descendants has the ability to survive both the old and new world. The only thing I felt she removed was influences of the crypt master, which might act of one fail safe for the survival of humanity.
5) Was Nausicaa aware of the eggs / embryo of the future humans when she asked Ohma to destroy the crypt? It seemed like they were collateral damaged, and was too late stop upon realization.
6) I love the message that all natural and artificial life can evolve beyond their design. As the Ohmu, the super slime mold, the master of the garden, God Warriors, and even current human. However this lead me to believe even if the future human that Nausicaa accidentally destroyed were to live, would they remained peaceful as genetically designed? If they can evolve beyond their natural directive.
7) Also if The Master of the Crypt and Ohmu shared the same blood, and artificial creation. And if the Ohmu developed sentience and consciousness, going on what it was originally designed to do. What isn't to say The Master of Crypt won't go beyond what they were originally designed to do as well. Possibly itself dooming humanity as did the God Warriors, especially if it was programmed with the will of the ancient humans. And as we learned with the God Warriors and Nausicaa, it is influenced by its masters.
Anyways I have so much I need to digest everything as it stands...love it.

Newsflash, people are interested in politics because it impacts their lives. When people are talking about it on social media, the next logical step is to talk about it with friends and family.
No, we're not doomers when we point out that Big Oil, Big Coal, Big Gas, Big Car, Big Plane, Big Meat, Big Steel, Big Tech, and Big Rich are destroying the environment and society for record profits for them (and their shareholders). We're not doomers when we point out that without action, climate change and environmental destruction will threaten the very survival of civilization and biosphere as we know it.
We're not fear mongering when we point out that we're in a mass extinction event, and in times of ecosystem collapse, nitrogen and phosphorus overfertilization, freshwater overwithdrawal, ocean acification, too much ecotoxicity and waste and too much land use change. We're not doomers when we point out that these changes whether or not combined with each other, but certainly combined with climate change, will threaten the very survival of civilization and biosphere as we know it.
We're not radical when we say that services like healthcare, education, housing, public transportation, communication, etc. should be free and/or guaranteed for everyone. We're not radical when we point out that capitalism needs exploitation and racism to thrive and it's doing that now which is unacceptable.
We knew that since the 80s and 90s.
We're not doomers when we point out that the fabric of our democracies, justice and equality is being torn apart by the rich, neofascist far right politicians and dictators. We're not doomers when we point out that the police is brutal and it's unacceptable. We're not radical pointing out that most politicians are old and aren't fit for today's challenges.
We're not fear mongering when we say that there are two genocides happening in the world that we can't even vote to stop.
We're not radical pointing out that most societies are divisive. We're not radical pointing out that they're car centric, segregating, hostile to children, elderly and disabled.
We're not radical when we say that children shouldn't be punished by spanking and yelling, nor should they be punished for the smallest things.
We're not doomers when we say that there are other dangers like an EMP attack or a solar storm and we're not well prepared for them.
We're not fear mongering when we say that AI and biotech are serious risks and threats to humanity in the wrong and unregulated hands.
We're not too radical saying that you can't have children if housing, childcare, healthcare, education and transportation are unaffordable, shitty and inaccessible, when the future seems bleak, and when society hates kids and makes it hellish.
Look, we're not too young for politics. The planet is burning, causing tragedy, hardship, and death. The rich get richer and the poor can't afford a living. The fabric of democracy, justice and equality is being torn apart by the rich, neofascist far right politicians, and dictators. The police is brutal. AI and biotech are serious risks and dangers in the wrong and unregulated hands. There are two
Looks like you just want everyone who doesn't agree with you to shut up. "Capitalism is the end of economic history, there is no alternative" "Who cares that we're in a climate emergency and in times of severe environmental challenges that threaten the very survival of civilization and biosphere as we know it, the rich get richer and the poor can't afford a living, the rich, neofascist far right politicians and dictators destroy our democracy, most politicians are old and aren't fit for today's challenges, there are genocides happening in the world that we can't even vote to stop, there are other dangers like AI, biotech, EMP attacks and solar storms that we aren't well prepared for, let's talk about the 90s and 2000s HAHA".
If a treadmill is pushing you back (forwards is better society), the radical action is standing still, because you're not standing (you're moving backwards).
You cannot brush away the tangible consequences of our socioeconomic and political systems you've built and maintain.
Because God forbid we try to depropagandize democratic socialism and ecosocialism.
I'm not gonna say that we're only doom and gloom and we actually have visions of a future where humanity and nature thrive. Doomers are a plague, I know, but stating facts isn't being a doomer.

Hey everyone,
I’m diagnosed with Religious OCD and I’ve was on medication for it because of a mental breakdown over my salvation in early 2022 (it’s a long story my usual intrusive thoughts revolve around the unforgivable sin) and I’ve been doing a lot better. I had to stop my meds due to a pregnancy and I’m super happy to be expecting my first baby with my husband! But because I stopped my meds and my psychiatrist isn’t sure different meds would help my OCD and intrusive thoughts have picked up, especially in dreams. Well tonight is one of the worst and now I’m panicking really bad and my husband is at his wits end with trying to figure out how to help me.
I can’t remember most of the dream at this point, but the part I remember was it the first part of the dream, it was like a concert, with a stage and a projection screen and there was someone who looked like Jesus and had on robes but he wasn’t acting like Jesus and was actually really mean and rude to my memory. And when he got on stage the screen was showing things that weren’t good or holy things. And at this point I realized that this dream wasn’t right and I hopped on stage and when i did the screen showed the cross and heaven and other good and Godly things and that fake jesus got really angry. But every time I thought the dream was over it would start over and try to change and try to make me question God.
I woke up in a panic and my husband tried his best but he doesn’t understand when I don’t instantly calm down. What didn’t help was after looking at stuff about intrusive dreams I had a thought that popped up that said “what if that was actually Jesus in your dream?” Which caused me to panic and I told my husband and he said it was just a dream and I couldn’t control it which apparently wasn’t the way to help because the thoughts came in full force along the same line and started to say that I “rejected Jesus” which in my heart I know I didn’t and that wasn’t God or Jesus in my dream. I’m just struggling.
Any advice or help is appreciated and I know this isn’t a group specifically for Religious OCD but the group I found for it isn’t taking posts right now.
But for right now I’m going to read some of Romans 8. It’s my go to chapter in the Bible for OCD.

I was originally going to post this is dating_advice but I kept going on into my problems so I think I need some different kind of help (i copy pasted the text I was writing there here, but also kept typing on it.) Halfway through I start talking a lot about my family so that’s not as relevant. Also this is an alt account because I wanted to be anonymous while posting this. I tried formatting it by different issues I guess. I formatted it after writing and i’m on phone (i’m trying to follow the community rules. Lemme know if this is acceptable or not):
(Intro and main topic) ———————————— • As of last year i’m a freshman in college just finishing up the second semester and I haven’t even made a single friend in college. Well I have met and talked to some people but the connection isn’t all too deep. It’s like we would call each other friends because we see each other “sometimes” but it’s not like we hang out for the sake of hanging out if that makes sense. So this entire year of college I haven’t made a single friend. This problem of not being able to approach people extends to my inability to find a girlfriend. I’ve never been in a relationship like that so i’m not even sure I would make a good boyfriend. But I know i’m longing for deeper connections with new friends or a girlfriend. I’ve never tried approaching someone or asking someone to go on a date. Except one time in high school where I thought I had feelings for someone but I’m still unsure I even did. I texted them asking them on a movie date but they said no. It was upsetting a little bit and made things awkward because I was unsure how to talk to them after that but I also wasn’t that worried about it later.
(Why approaching people is hard) ———————————— • Sometimes I think about approaching someone but then I think that there’s no point. The interaction won’t go anywhere besides a couple little back and forths and then we’ll never talk again. Or lots of times never see each other again. Why should I say anything. I end up overthinking like this until the chance is gone. I tend to keep to myself a lot.
(Personal issues I guess) ———————————— • I think I have social anxiety. I don’t like places with a lot of people so it makes approaching even harder because if I say something stupid other people will hear. Since middle school i’ve been conscious of my volume thinking other people might listen in on my conversations with others. It’s easier to talk to people one on one. It made it hard to be myself to the point I didn’t know how to be myself. I acted like other people. Adopting their mannerisms because I thought it would help me fit in. One time I got called out on it and I felt.. despair I guess. They didn’t directly say why I acted like that but they did point out that I acted like someone else specifically they said “you’re not (person’s name)”. I try not to act like others. I feel like I’m a boring person to others because I can be very quiet. I try and balance this by speaking confidently on the rare times I use my voice.
(Why I don’t think I can get a girlfriend or be a good boyfriend) ———————————— • Back tracking to the relationship thing. I also don’t know if i’m even worthy of having a girlfriend. As i’m writing this i’m trying to find the words to defend that sentence because I know everyone is worthy of love and I know that what I wrote is wrong but all I have is the reasons I feel like this. I’m already 18 and I don’t feel like i’ve matured enough to deserve a girlfriend. I’ve never had a job, I don’t have my license, and it’s embarrassing to admit but I live with my grandparents because they live 10 min away from campus. Maybe if I was really good looking or something none of that stuff would matter but i’m just average. Not fat, not muscular, just skinny and kind of short but I am pretty athletic actually but I have asthma (my body is a system of checks and balances). I’m taller than my dad who’s kind of my role-model so that gives me a confidence boost.
(Why i’m grateful for my family/not as relevant) ———————————— • I don’t see my dad a lot (only in the summers) but he’s an amazing father and I want to be just like him when have children someday. I can’t help crying right now. I’m very thankful to all of my caring family. Even if I can’t make friends I know every single one of them will always be there for me. I know not everyone is as lucky with the family they are born into and I cherish the connections I have with them. I’ve been told many times by them that they’d accept me for who I am no matter what. Just recently I had some awful news that was difficult to tell my mother but she didn’t get angry like I thought. She just said calmly that she’s glad I told her and then she comforted me about it. I’m so glad my dad taught me the importance of honesty and owning up to my mistakes quickly. I’m sorry if this is off topic but I just suddenly feel like I need to give them thanks. I will always be connected to my brothers and sisters as we grow older. When I lived with my mom over the school years I always had a best friend but when we drifted more and more apart I felt more alone. I couldn’t make that connection with anyone else again. We’re still friends but I can’t honestly call him my best friend. We were friends in elementary and middle school is when we drifted apart. Still close then but not as close as I thought especially because now we went to the same school(in elementary we didn’t). So i’m very grateful for being able to understand the experience of being an only child when I lived with my mother and the experience of having siblings when I was with my dad. It makes me grateful for my siblings because i know i’ll never be alone in the world. Not truly. My mom eventually gave me sisters when I was 12 and I love them to death.

I had a couple uncomfortable dreams, and was unable to stay asleep. I woke up at every hou40 minutes. If I managed to sleep past 15-20. I was dehydrated as well, because I ate too much flour right before going to bed. My first dream was about being watched.
There was probably a dream before that. After that one, I dreamt about a unveiled claim that billy corgan was molested by his mom. I was with my parents, sitting in the car by myself. A guy walked past who I acted like was serj tankian, even though he looked nothing like him. He had round features and looked almost mexican. Later, I had another dream where I had the awareness that my dreams were important. For a spiritual reason. Some godly, reason.
In the next dream, I was in a strange building with my family members. There was halloween decoanimatronics near the entrance or exit door. It felt like a ride as we slowly approached the walkway. I gracefully did so, probably trying to not look up at the animatronics. It's usually a reaper, constantly. Once we all were getting ready to leave, I carried a handful of things/candy. We walked outside off the porch, and I saw a younger version of my nephew. He took a piece of candy that was mine and ate it. I punched him square in the face. I vaguely remember seeing baby blankets. Before we walked outside. Everyone stood around, including my nephew at his current age. He was only a toddler. Around this time, we were in a room with some old ladies and boomers. Astrology was relevant for some reason, since I brought it up, likely. 'Leos are excessive, aries are misjudged as mean, and sags are suspicious and paranoid. About the people around them, their friends. About the world..' I paused before describing Sagittarius, feeling uneasy around the old lady who was listening to me. My mom stood at my side, probably bored or indifferent. Just like the lady seemed. She was a bitch; I could feel how much she appeared indifferent towards me. She must've been a sagittarius.
In the other side of the room, I was looking at a packet of paper that was laid in the filing drawer. It talked about the different eras of victorian houses. I saw it mentioned, 'fake doors' under victorian. That would make my house victorian, maybe. It's from the early 1900s, so just barely is it real victorian. I do not have fake doors in my house at all. I was picturing the banister on my stairs that doesn't have a lid that detaches. It's molded into the classic shape. A old lady walked over to me, pushing the filing cabinet away. Bitch, I was reading that.
At home, I went up into my bedroom. Cats were sleeping in it. A black kitten looked up at me, precious, as I tossed a cord across the floor, behind/above him. It was a cord with a plastic kitten arm on the end, like it was supposed to go to a handheld device. I thought of a gameplay controller that you plug into the tv. But it was too thin and obviously made to inject into something else. It had been laying on another kitten.
I took notice of a spider that was crawling on my bookshelf. It was white and pregnant. On one of my books, there was a spider sack on it. It was little. I don't know what happened to I assume was a second spider sack. A book with a white cover got my attention, because black specks ran over every inch of it. My little brothers had came into the room, before the infestation happened. Behind me was a rubber tub full of stuff with fabric on the top. My cats were sleeping on it. I saw my siamese in the room as well, looking at me. I woke up, itchy and scared. I hate this dream, and I also happen to hate spiders. Obviously, I have someone fake in my life. A domineering female/mother figure. Since it was both cats and spiders.

This might not be a big issue, but I really needed to get this off my chest. I have a good life, I really do. I could be homeless, starving, or living in a country where you would probably die by the age of 3. But why is it that I have one of if not the most potential(math-wise) in my school, yet other people get to have special programs that they can go to that they don't even care about? My family can't afford that because it's a thousand dollars for one class! Yet they act like it's no big deal, that it's nothing to care about. I would love to go to that program, it's a once in a lifetime opportunity. But they don't even care about it! It's like they never have to go through any hardships, and when I started asking them about their life, it turns out they don't! Their parents aren't divorced, they have a stable income, nobody in their family has any medical complications, and from what I can tell, they never have had a family member die! But can you guess what happens in MY life? In 2023, my family almost ALWAYS had an argument that resulted in shouting every, SINGLE, DAY! My parents are divorced, my grandfather died, my dog who had been there my whole life passed away, my cat who isn't even that old is having life-threatening seizures which my family can't pay for because it's $3,000.00 for a scan to see what's the issue, NOT INCLUDING THE MEDICINE! My parents are divorced, my oldest brother went to Texas in 2020-2021, and my dad is having to do rehab and my mom is always talking shit about him behind our backs! In 2023, she didn't even talk shit about him behind our backs, SHE DID IT RIGHT INFRONT OF US! WITH NO REGRET! The kids that get that wealthy lifestyle don't care about anything. They're often times disrespectful, don't participate in class, and really just don't have any actual effort to do things. Meanwhile me, I constantly think about my family's financial situation. I always try to be nice to the people that deserve it. The last half of the time I got to do a project on, I gave up ALL of my school free-time to go and do that! And you wanna know what my team members did on the FINAL DAY, when we could still improve our grade? Two of them who said they'd show up didn't, one of them went in but didn't do SHIT, and the ONLY ONE who actually helped started helping when there was 8 minutes left. I know that life isn't fair, but I'm trying to find some reason that this is happening to me, BUT I CAN'T! I can't find a singular reason that any of this is happening to me! I'm academically gifted, I try and be respectful and kind to others, I work hard in school, yet all of this happens to me while everybody else that I know doesn't have any issues in their lives, but in my life, apparently I just deserve all of this that's happening to me.

These days, I really enjoy babymonster… They’re so cute and some of them reminds me of 2NE1. Ruka really reminds me of Minzy and CL. Such strong charisma… Pharita also reminds me of Bom 😆 they’re all so talented and the concept is quite similar to 2NE1. I see the passion in performing and I love how silly they are lol.
Most of all, I really love how they honor 2NE1 by performing that 2NE1 mashup. They respect 2NE1 more than I will ever see bp will. Blackpink acted like they never had a senior girl group and never honored 2NE1.. instead, they honored other girl groups by performing their songs
Right now, I feel like babymonster is more like a little sistedaughter to 2NE1 than blackpink. Just sharing.. haha

Of all the anime I've seen (not a whole lot), I am enjoying this anime more than any anime I've seen. The rewatch ability for me is huge for this anime. The tough topics such as depression and ED that it deals with, I am honestly surprised on how well it was done. And honestly, it's refreshing to see an anime where when two people are of adult age and are in love, that actually sleep together. I don't care that they don't show the act but it's just the fact that the anime isn't being shy on the fact that people in love and are together sleep with each other. I am so tired of the extremely bashful and shy couples that never do it because something. When if this was real, in reality, they be fuckin.
Then there are just the holy shit moments in the anime. 2 stick out the most. In the beginning of season 2 after Rudeus gets drunk with Soldat after the incident with Sara and Sara overhears the less than nice things Rudeus had said about her, even though what Sara did the night before was SUCH a bitchy thing to do, I wasn't until my second watch where I see Rudeus try to kill himself right there. It was so fast, but my mind was like HOLY SHIT!! Very few anime gets that reaction from me. The second holy shit moment was in the last episode that aired where Sylphie says she is pregnant, you should have seen me, I automatically stuck a victory pose in excitement for the two of them. Then afterwards when he got the letter about Zenith, I was like, oh no. This situation sucks for both Rudeus and Sylphie.
There are multiple things I am excited to see that I accidentally spoiled for myself when I was trying to learn the characters on the Wikipedia page. Like all of Rudeus' children and with who. I am extremely curious how those conversations are going to go in the future when Rudeus runs into two specific people. Especially Sylphie's reactions. I'm currently so worried how she will react in the future.
I am so invested in this anime's future. I want to know if Rudeus takes Roa back form the slime that took over after killing Eris' grandfather. I hope Rudeus becomes the leader of Roa. I think it would be cool for Rudeus and Orsted have a chat like Al Pacino and Robert De Niro in HEAT where Rudeus and Orsted come to a truce/understanding.
Super excited about this anime. Will watch until the end and eagerly so.

My mom has an alcohol problem, once she takes a sip of beer, she will start drinking regularly, once she stops, it only lasts for a month before starting again. Last week I came back from a trip to a city to meet my dad along with my grandpa(father's side) and my aunt(father's side). I got 400 bucks from my aunt, I was really happy, I was even happier when I got 200 more from my grandpa, I decided to save it and in the future buy something with it. Well, the first day after we came back, I noticed 100 bucks are gone, I ask my mom and she tells me that she 'borrowed' it for cigars and alcohol, even though i was never asked about it, i let it slide as she told me she would pay me back tomorrow. The next day, she didn't pay me back, instead I noticed another 100 bucks missing, I didn't even hesitate to think who took it, i knew it was my mom. I confronted her about it and and said I won't let her spend my money on alcohol or cigars. She just scoffed at me and didn't say anything. The next day I don't see any money missing, I get a little relieved knowing she didn't take it this time. The yet next day, I notice another 100 bucks missing. I now had half of what I got. I couldn't argue with my mom anymore because she wouldn't listen, its like I'm talking to a wall. Yesterday, she 'begged' me to give her money to buy we know what. I didn't give her permission and we went back and forth, she asked and I declined. Well guess fucking what. Today I woke up and saw my mother was smoking cigarettes, so she had to get them with the money she didn't had. As she saw me wake up she imiadetely left the house. I checked and guess what. I had no fucking money left, because she took it god damn it. At this point I snapped and as soon as she came into the house with another vodka in her hand I gave her an ultimatum. I told her i will call my dad knowing she is scared of him when she's drinking. As she pleaded me not to call him I told her to fuck off and I called him right away. She cried as she heard me talking with him. My dad was angry so much I heard him breaking something in frustration on the other end. I gave the phone to my mom. Now she's talking with him, going back and forth trying to act like she's the innocent person here. I might update this post in case something new happens.

in january i (f18) got into a relationship with my now ex (m17) and the first month was really good untill we started having sex a week before valentines day and right after valentines day happened he just completely switched up also throughout our entire three month relationship id ask questions about him and his ex because they just broke up right before we started dating (i had just gotten out of a relationship as well) but he promised me he was over her because they were off and on all the time and he was tired of that and i believed him she also lived in a whole different state because he just moved here so i really trusted him and i would also ask questions about her because once literally displayed in his closet i noticed letters that his ex had given him and i found pictures of them that he hid poorly and id notice stuff of hers around his room like gifts and whatever every-time id ask about it he would get so mad and so defensive and be like “well you and your ex this and that” and then two months into the relationship he just out of the blue one day said “if i ever get in a bad place mentally ill need to take a break from the relationship” obviously i was confused so we bickered about it and i tried ignoring it but after valentines day and leading up to that conversation he had been acting different and it only got way worse almost exactly a month later a week after prom he texts me “im in a bad place mentally” and “sometimes i feel like im not ready for a relationship” and he refused to admit that was him breaking up with me so the next day i had to do it and say the words for him literally a few days later he starts following his ex on social media and she never followed him back so he stopped following her for a second but now its been a month since we’ve broken up and now they’re following each other on both of their little secret accounts and he blocked me on everything and i know i shouldn’t be paying attention but it’s difficult to not stalk because his ex lives in a different state so thats my only source which i know isnt really reliable but im just so hurt because he told me be was completely over his ex when we started dating and i really “loved” him (whatever love means for an 18 year old) i gave a lot of me to him he was my first real experience with stuff and he also told me i was the one to take his virginity (even though he had a whole box full of condoms prepared??? like on our third date he was like “i have condoms in my room” (i should have known)) but him and and his ex we’re together for like three years sooo and he also said so many other things that i know now were lies and now i just know i was the rebound untill either of them were available again and i just feel so used because after valentines day we were having sex at least once a day every single day and before we got intimate i told him i wanted to wait a little but he kept pressuring me so i finally gave in and i got really attached like i’ve never had a connection like that with someone else before he saw me when i was most vulnerable and now i just feel so used and dirty i should have known what his true intentions were especially because the second we started having sex he changed and our relationship just went to shit but it hurts even more because what we did meant a lot to me but i know it meant nothing to him especially since i don’t think i was his first time even though he was mine i just dont know what im supposed to do i know i have to move on and whatever i know ill meet more people and whatever and im so young and dumb and this is all a learning experience but im so hurt how do i live with this feeling for now it hurts so much i feel so used he meant so much to me and i was just a body until his ex came back to him.

Have you ever heard of a magnetic screen door? If not, you're in for a treat!
We will explore what a magnetic screen door is and how it works. We will also discuss the numerous benefits of using one, such as easy entry and exit, keeping bugs out, and saving energy.
We will delve into the different types of magnetic screen doors, how to install them, tips for maintenance, common issues to watch out for, and more.
So, sit back, relax, and let's dive into the world of magnetic screen doors!

👉 Klick hier für mehr Informationen

Key Takeaways:

• Easy to install and use, magnetic screen doors provide a convenient solution for keeping bugs out and allowing for natural ventilation.
• With various types available, including retractable, hanging, and sliding, there is a magnetic screen door for every doorway.
• Regular cleaning and proper maintenance can help prevent common issues with magnetic screen doors, such as weakening magnet strength or wear and tear.

What Is a Magnetic Screen Door?

A magnetic screen door is a convenient and versatile solution for keeping insects out while allowing a refreshing breeze to flow through your living space. Typically made of PVC coated polyester mesh, these doors feature velcro strips and magnets for easy installation and use.
These screen doors are designed to fit most standard door sizes, and some models are customizable, allowing you to choose the perfect fit for your specific doorway.
The variety of colors available ensures that you can find a magnetic screen door that complements the aesthetics of your home.
Privacy screens are an essential feature of many magnetic screen doors, providing not only protection from insects but also a shield from prying eyes in busy outdoor settings.

How Does a Magnetic Screen Door Work?

A magnetic screen door operates through the use of strategically placed magnets along the edges that ensure a secure closure after entry or exit. This mechanism effectively prevents bugs and insects from entering the living space while allowing a continuous flow of fresh air through the PVC mesh material.
These magnets act as a powerful force, promptly pulling the screen closed behind anyone passing through. The PVC mesh screen acts as a dual-action feature, filtering out dust and providing excellent ventilation without compromising on security. This combination ensures that homes remain pest-free, while still enjoying the benefits of a constant breeze flowing through the room. The seamless blend of magnetic closures and durable mesh makes these screen doors an innovative solution to keep indoor spaces bug-free and airy.

👉 Klick hier für mehr Informationen

What Are the Benefits of Using a Magnetic Screen Door?

Utilizing a magnetic screen door offers numerous advantages, including easy access for entry and exit, protection against bugs and insects, natural ventilation that brings in a refreshing breeze, and energy efficiency by reducing the need for artificial cooling systems.
These doors play a crucial role in enhancing the connection between indoor and outdoor spaces. They create a seamless transition, making it easier to move between the two areas without any barriers. This not only promotes a sense of openness but also allows for better air circulation, improving the overall air quality within the living space.
With the installation of magnetic screen doors, you can enjoy the beauty of the outdoors while maintaining a level of privacy, especially when compared to traditional outdoor curtains. These doors contribute to energy savings by allowing natural light to enter the home, reducing the reliance on artificial lighting during the day.

Allows for Easy Entry and Exit

One of the primary benefits of a magnetic screen door is its seamless installation process that enables convenient entry and exit from your living space without the need for complex mechanisms or tools.
These innovative screen doors only require basic household tools to set up, making it a hassle-free addition to your home. By following the straightforward instructions provided, you can easily attach the magnetic strips to your door frame in a matter of minutes.
Once installed, the magnetic screen door effortlessly opens and closes, allowing for a smooth transition between your indoor and outdoor spaces. Its user-friendly design is ideal for those who value simplicity and functionality in their home improvement projects.

Keeps Bugs and Insects Out

The PVC mesh material of a magnetic screen door acts as a barrier against insects and bugs, ensuring a pest-free environment within your living space. Regular cleaning with appropriate agents helps maintain its effectiveness.
By incorporating PVC mesh in the construction of the screen door, homeowners create a strong line of defense against unwanted critters while still allowing fresh air to circulate. The mesh structure effectively blocks out mosquitoes, flies, and other pests without obstructing the view or airflow.
To ensure continued protection, it is crucial to conduct routine cleanings using gentle agents that preserve the integrity of the material. This not only helps in removing any trapped debris or dust but also safeguards the door's durability against wear and tear due to dirt accumulation.

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Provides Natural Ventilation

By allowing a refreshing breeze to pass through, a magnetic screen door provides natural ventilation that enhances indoor air quality and creates a comfortable environment. Privacy screens can be integrated for added security.
One of the key advantages of incorporating magnetic screen doors is their ability to facilitate the circulation of fresh air throughout your living space. This not only helps in reducing stuffiness but also contributes to maintaining a healthier indoor atmosphere by minimizing the build-up of pollutants and odors.
The option to include privacy screens further enhances the functionality of these doors. The privacy screens provide an additional layer of security, preventing unwanted intrusions while still allowing airflow to pass through effortlessly.

Saves Energy

The use of a magnetic screen door promotes energy efficiency by reducing the reliance on artificial cooling systems, leading to potential cost savings. Combining it with outdoor curtains can further enhance insulation.
When these two elements are paired together, the magnetic screen door acts as a barrier against insects and allows fresh air to flow into the space, reducing the need for constant air conditioning usage. This results in lower electricity bills and decreased energy consumption, aligning with sustainable living practices.
Incorporating outdoor curtains alongside the magnetic screen door creates an additional layer of protection from heat gain or loss, effectively maintaining indoor temperatures during different seasons. Properly sealed windows and doorways play a crucial role in preventing energy wastage, promoting a comfortable living environment without the need for excessive heating or cooling."

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What Are the Different Types of Magnetic Screen Doors?

There are various types of magnetic screen doors available, including retractable, hanging, and sliding options, each offering unique features and installation methods to suit different door configurations and preferences.
Retractable magnetic screen doors are popular for their sleek and space-saving design, ideal for single entry doors or French doors that need easy access.
Hanging magnetic screen doors, on the other hand, provide a cost-effective solution for temporary use or renters, with easy setup and removal.
Sliding magnetic screen doors are perfect for patio or sliding doors, offering seamless operation without obstructing the view.

Retractable Magnetic Screen Doors

Retractable magnetic screen doors feature a roll-up mechanism that allows for easy installation and operation, making them an ideal choice for doorways with limited space or aesthetic preferences.
These innovative doors offer a practical solution for keeping insects out while maintaining airflow and natural light indoors. The unique design ensures that the screen neatly rolls away when not in use, maximizing space efficiency.
Due to their versatility, they can be installed on various entryways, including French doors, sliding patio doors, and single doors. The user-friendly installation process makes it convenient for homeowners to set them up without the need for professional assistance.

Hanging Magnetic Screen Doors

Hanging magnetic screen doors are suspended from a top rail and provide effective insect protection while offering easy passage for humans and pets through the center opening.
These innovative doors are designed to keep pesky bugs like flies, mosquitoes, and gnats out of your home while allowing fresh air to flow freely. The strong magnets strategically placed along the edges ensure that the door snaps shut behind you, preventing any unwanted invaders from sneaking inside. The convenience of simply walking through the magnetic closure without using your hands makes them ideal for busy households with children and pets.

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Their sleek and unobtrusive design adds a modern touch to any doorway.

Sliding Magnetic Screen Doors

Sliding magnetic screen doors glide along tracks to open and close, ensuring a snug fit that keeps insects out while providing a smooth operation for users. Proper installation is crucial to maximize their effectiveness.
Regarding the features of sliding magnetic screen doors, their design allows them to effortlessly slide along the designated tracks, offering a user-friendly experience that blends functionality and convenience. One of the standout qualities is their ability to be customized to fit various door sizes and types, catering to different home setups and preferences. This customization factor ensures that the door snugly fits in place, leaving no gaps for pesky insects to sneak through.
Installing these doors requires attention to detail and precision. Fit accuracy is paramount to prevent any gaps that could compromise the insect protection they provide. An improperly installed screen door may not only let insects in but also hinder the smooth operation of the door itself. Ensuring a precise installation is key to enjoying the full benefits of a sliding magnetic screen door.

How to Install a Magnetic Screen Door?

Installing a magnetic screen door is a straightforward process that begins with measuring your door frame accurately, followed by preparing the components and securing the screen door in place using the provided instructions.
Once you have measured the width and height of your door frame, ensure to double-check the accuracy to avoid any fitting issues later on. Accurate measurements are crucial for a seamless installation process.
Next, clear the door frame area of any debris or obstructions that may hinder the installation. This step will create a clean surface for attaching the magnetic screen door.
Before beginning the installation, carefully unpack all the components that come with the screen door kit and familiarize yourself with the different parts. Each component plays a vital role in ensuring the door functions properly.

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Measure Your Door Frame

Before installing a magnetic screen door, ensure precise measurements of your door frame to facilitate custom sizing and a secure fit, enhancing the door's overall effectiveness.
Accurate measurements play a crucial role in ensuring that the magnetic screen door aligns perfectly with the door frame. Custom sizing allows for a tailored fit, eliminating gaps that could let bugs in and maintaining the aesthetic appeal of your doorway. An ill-fitted screen door may not only compromise its functionality but also lead to potential damage or wear and tear. By taking the time to measure your door frame correctly, you set the foundation for a smooth installation process and long-term satisfaction with the performance of your magnetic screen door.

Prepare the Magnetic Screen Door

Preparing the magnetic screen door involves familiarizing yourself with the components, ensuring all parts are included, and verifying the integrity of the PVC coated polyester mesh before proceeding with the installation process.
Inspect all the elements of the magnetic screen door kit, including the frame, magnets, and fastening strips, to guarantee nothing is missing or damaged.
Check the PVC coated polyester mesh for any tears, holes, or weak spots that could compromise its effectiveness in keeping bugs out while allowing fresh air to flow through.
Address any issues with the mesh promptly by either repairing small damages with a patch or contacting the manufacturer for a replacement if necessary.

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Install the Screen Door

The final step in installing a magnetic screen door is to follow the manufacturer's instructions to securely attach the screen door to the door frame, ensuring proper alignment of magnets for effective closure and insect protection.
Ensure that the magnetic strips on both sides of the door are aligned correctly to allow for a strong magnetic closure.

• Start by positioning the door at the top of the frame and lining up the magnets on the screen with the corresponding magnets on the frame.
• Check for any gaps or misalignments, adjusting the positioning if necessary to guarantee a snug fit.

Following the guidelines meticulously will help in achieving a seamless installation and optimal performance of your magnetic screen door.

What Are Some Tips for Maintaining a Magnetic Screen Door?

To ensure the longevity and efficiency of your magnetic screen door, it is essential to clean it regularly using gentle cleaning agents that do not damage the PVC mesh. Avoid harsh chemicals that may compromise the door's integrity.
Regular cleaning not only helps in maintaining the overall appearance of the magnetic screen door but also ensures proper functioning by preventing clogs and blockages caused by dirt and debris. Insects, such as mosquitoes and flies, are common nuisances that can get trapped in the mesh, affecting the door's performance. By using appropriate cleaning agents, you can effectively eliminate these unwanted visitors while preserving the durability of the PVC mesh. It's crucial to keep in mind that harsh chemicals can deteriorate the materials over time, leading to tears and damage that may affect the door's effectiveness.

Clean Regularly

Regular cleaning of the PVC mesh on your magnetic screen door, using mild soapy water and a soft brush, helps remove dirt, dust, and debris that may impede the door's functionality. For vinyl magnet screen doors, gentle wiping is recommended.
When cleaning PVC mesh screens, start by removing the screen from the door frame, if possible, to clean it more thoroughly. Fill a bucket with warm water and a small amount of mild detergent to create a cleaning solution. Gently scrub the mesh with a soft brush or sponge to loosen any stubborn dirt or stains. Rinse the screen with clean water and allow it to air dry completely before reinstalling.
For vinyl magnet screen doors, use a damp cloth or sponge to wipe down the surface. Avoid using harsh chemicals or abrasive cleaners that can damage the vinyl material. Regular wiping will help maintain the appearance and longevity of the magnetic screen door.

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Avoid Harsh Chemicals

When cleaning your magnetic screen door, refrain from using harsh chemicals or abrasive cleaners that can cause damage to the PVC mesh material. Opt for mild cleaning agents to preserve the door's structural integrity.
This is crucial as harsh chemicals can lead to discoloration or weakening of the PVC mesh, which could compromise the overall effectiveness of the door in keeping bugs out while allowing fresh air to flow through.
By selecting gentle cleaning solutions, you not only maintain the aesthetic appeal of your magnetic screen door but also extend its lifespan, ensuring that it continues to function seamlessly for years to come.

Store Properly During Winter Months

During the winter months, it is advisable to store your magnetic screen door properly to prevent damage from harsh weather conditions. Consider removing and storing privacy screens and outdoor curtains for added protection.
Proper storage of your magnetic screen door involves more than just taking it down and leaving it in the garage. To ensure its longevity, protecting it from the snow, ice, and winds is crucial. Opt for a clean and dry storage space, away from moisture and extreme temperatures. If possible, store it in its original packaging or cover it with a sturdy material to prevent dust accumulation.
For those who have privacy screens or outdoor curtains attached, make sure to remove and store them properly as well. Clean them before storing to avoid mold growth during the months they are not in use.

What Are Some Common Issues with Magnetic Screen Doors?

While magnetic screen doors offer numerous benefits, common issues may arise such as magnet strength variations, fit and installation challenges, and wear and tear over time that can impact their performance and durability.

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One potential problem associated with magnetic screen doors is the inconsistent magnet strength. Due to variations in manufacturing or environmental factors, the magnetic attraction may not always be uniform, leading to gaps or ineffective closure.
Another common challenge lies in fit adjustments, as the screens may require precise installation to ensure a tight seal. Improper fit can result in insects sneaking through or the door not closing securely.
Long-term durability concerns come into play as the constant opening and closing of the door, exposure to elements, and normal wear and tear can degrade the quality over time, compromising its functionality.

Magnet Strength

One of the issues that users may encounter with magnetic screen doors is inconsistent magnet strength, leading to gaps in closure and reduced insect protection. Ensuring optimal magnet alignment can help address this challenge.
Proper magnet alignment is crucial in ensuring a secure and tight seal when the screen door is closed, preventing insects from entering the house. The strength of the magnets plays a key role in maintaining the integrity of the seal. Strong magnets help keep the door closed securely, maximizing its effectiveness in keeping bugs out. To enhance magnet strength, users can consider options like upgrading to higher-grade magnets or adding supplementary magnets along the door frame to improve closure reliability.

Fit and Installation

Proper fit and installation are crucial for the optimal performance of magnetic screen doors. Issues with fit and installation can result in gaps that compromise insect protection and airflow control, necessitating adjustments for a secure seal.
Ensuring that the magnetic screen door fits correctly is essential to prevent bugs and insects from entering your home while allowing fresh air to flow through. A common challenge during installation is getting the measurements right to avoid gaps that can undermine the door's effectiveness.
When facing fit issues, consider adjusting the tension of the screen or checking the alignment of the frame. Improper installation can lead to the door not closing properly or tearing prematurely. It's crucial to follow the manufacturer's instructions meticulously to ensure a snug fit and proper functioning.

Wear and Tear

Over time, magnetic screen doors may experience wear and tear due to frequent use and exposure to elements.
Regular upkeep is essential for ensuring that these doors function smoothly and efficiently. Dust, dirt, and debris can accumulate on the magnetic strips and mesh, causing them to deteriorate over time.
It is recommended to clean the door regularly using a gentle soap and water solution. Checking for loose screws, damaged components, and tears in the screen is crucial. Addressing these issues promptly through maintenance and timely repairs can significantly prolong the life of the door.

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Conclusion

In conclusion, magnetic screen doors offer a practical and efficient solution for enhancing indoor-outdoor connectivity, protecting against insects, and promoting natural ventilation. Coupled with the option to include privacy screens or outdoor curtains, these doors contribute to a comfortable and energy-efficient living environment.
These innovative doors not only keep bugs at bay but also allow for uninterrupted airflow, creating a refreshing ambiance inside the house. With the added feature of privacy screens, magnetic screen doors offer the flexibility to control visibility and enhance security without compromising on the aesthetic appeal. The incorporation of outdoor curtains provides an extra layer of insulation, helping maintain a stable indoor temperature throughout the seasons. Whether for a cozy reading nook or a lively patio, these doors cater to various preferences and seamlessly blend functionality with style.

Frequently Asked Questions

1. What is a magnetic screen door?

A magnetic screen door is a type of screen door that is designed to easily open and close using magnets instead of traditional hinge mechanisms. It is often used as a temporary solution for keeping insects out while allowing for easy access through the door.

2. How does a magnetic screen door work?

A magnetic screen door works by using a series of magnets that are sewn into the edges of the screen. When the door is opened, the magnets automatically align and close the screen behind the person walking through. As the person exits, the magnets separate and the screen opens again.

3. What are the benefits of using a magnetic screen door?

There are several benefits to using a magnetic screen door, including allowing for easy entry and exit without the need to constantly open and close a traditional door. It also helps keep insects and pests out while still allowing for fresh air and natural light to enter the space.

4. Can a magnetic screen door be used on any type of door?

Generally, magnetic screen doors can be used on most types of doors, including single and double doors, sliding doors, and even RV doors. However, it is important to check the dimensions and compatibility of the screen door with your specific door before purchasing.

5. How do you install a magnetic screen door?

Magnetic screen doors are typically easy to install and require no tools or drilling. Most models come with a velcro strip or adhesive tape that allows the screen to be attached to the door frame. It is important to follow the manufacturer's instructions for proper installation.

6. Are there any downsides to using a magnetic screen door?

While magnetic screen doors have many benefits, there are also a few potential downsides to consider. They may not be as durable as traditional screen doors and may not hold up well in extreme weather conditions. Some models may also not provide as much protection from strong winds or heavy rain.

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When you're in a committed relationship or married and your partner doesn't want to change, but they're doing things that bother you, like hanging out with friends you don't like, not calling you, or flirting with others, what should you do? Should you just wake up and leave, find another relationship, or try to force them to change? Let’s explore this in the perspective of not simply leaving but looking at it from an angle where you’re using it to help you grow. This only applies for relationships which are somewhat unhealthy but not abusive.
The first thing to do when your partner does something you don't like is to understand how it affects you personally, not just externally. If you feel really upset or sad when your partner doesn't answer your calls, it might mean there's something you need to address within yourself. It could be your own insecurities, fears of losing them, being alone, abandoned, or cheated on.
So, it's important to focus on yourself first. When you take a step back and reflect, you might realize there are aspects within yourself that need your attention. I've seen this happen with someone close to me. She wanted her partner to change, but after talking with her, she realized that she had been neglecting herself and always putting her partner's needs before her own, constantly trying to please them and impress them. In fact, she had never even taken herself out.
When you look within, you realize that there are things you've never done for yourself because you're so ingrained in your partner and their behavior or the desire for change. And it's not your fault; it's just that sometimes, due to how we've been taught about relationships, we become very focused on the other person. We put all our attention on them, forgetting about ourselves. Before even thinking about wanting your partner to change their behavior, look at yourself. Then, after self-reflection, begin to change certain aspects within yourself. Start by shifting away from prioritizing others over yourself, establishing boundaries, and acknowledging your own needs.
Then, what you'll realize is that there are two possible outcomes. You may find that your partner feels challenged to begin their own journey of growth. Sometimes, when you start asserting your independence, setting boundaries, and being true to yourself, your partner may feel threatened. This could lead to them reacting with anger, or they might respond in a positive way.
They might also decide to change because you're no longer tolerating their behavior. You're not entertaining their subtle manipulation or playing the victim. Sometimes, partners engage in these behaviors because they've done them for a long time and you’ve also been knowingly/unknowingly enabling them, but when you assert yourself, it can prompt them to change. They might start seeking help because they realize it's not just about losing you; it's about improving themselves.
And even if your partner doesn't change right away, if they don't change, when you focus on yourself, you'll know the best course of action. You won't be acting out of fear but out of prioritizing yourself or seeing the situation clearly. So, it's a win-win situation for you. You'll reach a point where you can be okay with the relationship or with your partner changing their behaviors, but you can also be okay without the relationship.
That's the essence of working on yourself. It's about giving yourself options, rather than feeling confined to making something work no matter what. When you focus on personal growth, it might inspire your partner to change, but ultimately, the one who changes will always be you. It's important to be okay with whatever outcome, knowing that you'll have a better life whether you stay in the relationship or not. So, before repeatedly asking your partner to change their behavior, take a moment to understand how their actions affect you.
This applies to relationships with typical challenges, not abuse, but personal growth is essential regardless of the relationship. Rather than viewing the relationship as a lifelong commitment, see it as a journey for personal growth and learning. By focusing on growing the you, you might positively influence your partner, as they say, "iron sharpens iron." But if they don't, you'll be better equipped to determine the best path forward for yourself.
Note from the Author
If you’re ready and you’d like my help with healing, finding peace in life and breaking free from these toxic patterns, then you can book a FREE BREAKTHROUGH CALL with me HERE. Happy healing 💙💙. Feel free to share and comment! Use this information with caution, it comes from my own thoughts & bias, experiences and research😊.

I Accepted a Job to Film on the Dark Web
Man, I am pumped to tell you chronically online content addicts my story. Wait is that too mean of an intro? Will this get taken down for harassment since I painted too accurate a picture of the people on this site? Sorry, everyone, I’m sure you all smell like an expensive bakery and have touched grass this morning. Anyway, I promise I have something interesting. It even involves the dark web you uncreative writers cream yourselves over! I mean, totally real people speaking about their strangely similar experiences. Okay, fine I’ll stop bullying you through the screen before you click off.
This all started when I was seven years old and my parents were killed in front of me in an anti-indigenous hate crime, but let's be real you don’t care. I’m just some annoying Cherokee kid with dead parents so I’ll skip to the good parts. I spent years in an orphanage, gradually becoming more interested in death and violence. As bad as it is, I went out of my way to expose myself to that content in the hopes of desensitizing myself. Which ended up working too well, since now I’m obsessed with causing and viewing pain, though I don’t find any joy in hurting myself.
I got adopted at twelve and after a few months of staying at my new family’s home on the reservation, I went with them to a state sweatier than the average Reddit user, California. Long story short, both of my caretakers, whom I referred to as Uncle and Auntie because they could never be my parents, died. Leaving me in the care of their older son, who I call cousin. I’m not stupid enough to give up any real names, so I’ll call him Brick, cause he’s as dumb as one. He was in his early 20s when he was tasked with taking care of me and is the world’s worst excuse for a babysitter.
I’m almost always alone at the apartment, with him only coming by to drop off supplies and stay for a few hours so the neighbors don’t get too worried. Unless I get in trouble at school, then he’d suddenly give a shit. It's useful because he doesn't about the gory stuff I look at, but some display of interest would be nice. Oh well, ninety percent of the population sucks so he’s just part of the majority. Now, with that said, you’ll be able to understand the perfect storm that led me here. During my time on the deep web, I found a particular website that caught my eye. They had new footage relatively consistently and they were the easiest for me to access since I didn't go too far into the dark web, especially with all the honey pots lying around.
I even bought a couple of files for myself to study and admire. One thing irritated me though, the cameraman. He was always sobbing, breathing, shaking, or some combination of those. It seriously killed the vibe of the killings. Something I commented on under many videos, often saying I would do a better job filming. A choice that in hindsight was me asking to end up in one of those recordings. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I was mostly the only one who commented but I was sure they wouldn't care. I was embarrassingly wrong.
I was staying up like usual, but it was past one AM on a school night, and back then that was a lot so I tried to sleep. Closing my eyes, tossing and turning, the works. I had just started drifting off when I heard the front door open. I remained calm but immediately found it weird since Brick never showed up this late. The thuds of the individual's feet grew louder as they got closer to my bedroom. I tried to convince myself it wasn't a stranger, especially since they got in with ease, but I knew that was wishful thinking.
They hummed as they opened my door. My dumbass had left it unlocked. I remained on my side, trying to look like I was asleep. They turned on the flashlight of their phone, shining it in my face. It was hard but I stayed still while they traced it over my features. I could tell they were smiling as they clicked their tongue.
“Heh, I knew it was a brat,” they whispered to themselves, pulling tangles out of my hair. Something I struggled not to groan from. They pulled up the hair over my ear and got so close spit got on my ear lobe.
“I know you’re awake kid,” they murmured, putting a blade to my neck. I let them grab my shoulder and move me onto my back, I knew how to fight but I wasn't about to take that big a risk with the position they had me in.
“You think you’re so cool saying you can do better than our guy.” they snickered, kneeling, their flashlight still shining in my face.
“Do you seriously believe that?” they questioned, moving the light away.
“Yeah, I do.” I stood my ground, they might have been intimidating but I wasn't gonna let that stop me from being honest.
“I wouldn't sound like I’m gonna piss myself every time it gets gory. I’m confident I could get better footage too, getting up close is something I’ve fantasized about.”
They clicked their tongue again and ran their finger over the bridge of my nose.
”Well, I know you’re a big fan of what we do, and you’re confidence makes me think you got something to back those claims up, so how’d you like a deal?”
I was surprised by how civil they were being aside from the touching and weapon against my throat.
“What kind of deal?” I asked, for all I knew this guy wanted me to lick their feet or some weird shit like that. They placed a finger underneath my eye, tracing a half moon with their nail.
“You have till this Friday to film a video of you killing an animal and put it on a flash drive that I’ll pick up here. If it impresses me and the crew we’ll hire ya with a handsome salary.” They began, moving their hand down to my cheek.
“But if you don't show, or it doesn't meet our standards, then I’m fucking up one of the parts of your face.” They warned, pinching my skin harshly.
“And if I say no to this deal?”
They put their hand over my mouth, scratching my lips.
“That’s cute, if you say no I’ll just slit your throat.” they grinned.
“Or rip it open with my teeth if you got a preference,” they smirked, before running their tongue across their sharp teeth.
“Okay, since I have no choice I’ll go with it, but I’m telling you now I can give you something way better than what you likely expect of me.” I prefaced, looking into their sunken eyes. They scratched my scalp, including the side of my head that was shaved.
“Good choice, I’ll be back to pick it up and if you're not here I’ll assume you don’t have the video. I genuinely wish you luck, because you’ll need it.” they removed the blade from my neck and walked away. I sat still for a few minutes in the dark, processing what had happened and wondering how they got into my apartment with such ease. I was confident I could blow their sniveling excuse of a cameraman out of the water, but I was worried about the people I was getting caught up with.
Sure, I had been on a lot of gore sites over the years but I was always just watching and occasionally commenting. Compared to most in the scene I wasn't much of a threat. I could defend myself and have contemplated killing for years but I hadn't murdered anyone or worse. Plus, I am part of way too many targeted groups to not be constantly at risk. Teenage, fem-leaning, two-spirit, indigenous kid with trauma? Yeah, I might as well be walking sign screaming “Hate crime me”.
So yeah, there was a lot to worry about. Regardless, I couldn't let that fear hold me back. I had a job to do and a group of sickos to appease. The next morning was rough, I got no sleep cause I’d spent all night brainstorming. I barely mustered the energy to change and drank straight mouthwash instead of brushing my teeth. Slogging onto the bus with drool on my cheek, I went to the back like usual. No one sat there cause, the seats were extra worn down, and I scared off anyone who attempted to with my active, rabies-infected bitch face. That day was different though.
I blanked on his name and where I knew him from, but I recognized his wavy hair and prominent curved nose. He glanced at each seat on the bus, before somehow settling on my area. He tried to give me space but ultimately seated himself beside me after realizing it was the only spot that didn't look like it would give him cancer. I glared at him as I did with everyone, but it didn't phase him.
“You know you could pick anywhere else right?” I murmured. He stared at the floor, then at me.
“I’m aware, but a few months ago I started a mission to sit on every part of this bus, and this is the last place.” he smiled, his lips softly curving at the sides.
“What’s the point of that?”
His mouth moved into a more neutral position, but his eyes kept smiling.
“I just thought it would be neat to see the same place from a bunch of different perspectives.” he took out his phone and snapped a photo from the point of view where he was sitting. Maybe my sleepiness made my bitch face less effective, cause he hadn't shown a hint of fear, which kind of annoyed me.
“That’s cool I guess, but I wouldn't do that if I were you. I’ve done some back here alone that would make your skin crawl.” in hindsight my attempt at unnerving him just made me sound like a pervert, which is probably why he held back laughter. Trying to hide a chuckle by clearing his throat.
“Hey, it's not my business what you do, no matter how Haram it is. It’s your life so that’s between you and whatever you believe in. Just don’t shake hands with me.” he joked, playfully putting his hands up. Strangely, I remembered his name at that moment.
“Oh shit, you’re Abdul! We have art together.” I sat up, haphazardly slamming my hand down on my leg.
“Uh yeah, I’ve seen some of your paintings, they’re pretty cool. I like the way you texture them, I’m trying to work on that.” he complimented, seeming more weirded out by my sudden energy than my accidental insinuation. I felt a little stupid for yelling his name but decided not to dwell on it.
“Thanks, you’re stuff is nice, and you’re good at shading.”
He stretched his arms while thanking me. We talked for a few more minutes, taking jabs at each other throughout. Turns out he was better at being an asshole than his artsy charismatic appearance made me think. The thing setting our insults apart being that you could tell he was a loving person underneath. It was the nicest conversation I had with anyone in a while. Though he could tell I was tired so he quieted down, letting me sleep, waking me when we got to school. We went our separate ways until the last two periods we shared. All that time, I spent my remaining energy plotting how I was going to handle the video. What I’d kill, record with, and how to dispose of the evidence. It was a lot to consider, but through three classes I devised a plan.
I’d find a stray around my apartment complex and take it out in my room. Record it on a portable camera since I broke the ones on my phone, no, I will not be answering how that happened. Then once I had my footage I’d put the body in a trash bag, throw it in the complex’s garbage, and clean the blood off my floor. It didn't seem like Brick would come by so he wasn't a factor I thought I’d have to consider. The plan was almost too easy, but I decided to believe in Occam’s razor. I got so lost in thought that by the time I reached Art, which was my second-to-last period, I didn't process that we were moving seats.
“She called your name,” Abdul reminded me. Our teacher placed us next to each other at our four-person table. The two girls sitting with us were already friends, so I didn't bother to say anything, but I was interested in talking to him more.
“So, what do you think of this assignment?” He shrugged, taking out his sketchbook.
“I’m not that good at drawing people, but the idea of combining two people’s faces into a portrait seems interesting. Any ideas on who you’ll pick?”
“Probably the members of the music duo Brain Tumor, they’re my favorite artists and they both look weird as hell.”
“Wow way to talk about your favorites, if that’s what you say about them I can‘t imagine what you have to say about me.” he joked, pulling up reference pictures.
“First, it’s not an insult, second I don’t have anything to say about you. Brain and Tumor have features and styles that make them stand out. Sure they’re ugly, but it just adds to their visual charm. Hot people are boring, there’s nothing to pick at.” I explained, unzipping my bag.
“Oh, so you’re saying you think I’m hot.”
His comment wasn’t serious but it kind of got to me.
“Shit, that’s not what I meant, I was trying to say you’re boring. All hot people are boring, but not all boring people are hot, okay?” I explained, flipping to a clean page.
“Alright, but if I’m so bland then why talk to me?”
I hesitated, contemplating how much of a dick I was gonna be.
“Because it means you probably need some spice in your life, which I can provide.”
He began sketching a head on his paper.
“I like spices, but I feel like you’re the kind of person to dump a cabinet’s worth onto me.”
I flicked my pencil over to his side of the desk, putting on a mocking grin.
“Aww, you scared I’m gonna get you into trouble?”
He picked up the pencil and started using it, putting his on my side.
“No, ‘cause I’m good at setting boundaries. I’m more concerned that you’ll get annoyed with how unafraid of you I am.”
I stared at him for a moment, I hadn't expected to hear that.
“Jeez, man you didn't have to read me like that.”
He shrugged, observing the red paint from past projects that lay on my pencil.
“It's not hard to figure out, just this morning you were trying to push me away on the bus. Lucky, or unlucky, for you I want you to have a friend and you seem like a fun person.”
“Wait are you saying I have no friends?” I squinted at him.
“Well, do you?”
I didn't answer.
“If your response is silence I suggest you take up my offer.”
I was stunned, to be honest. No one had offered to be my friend since 6th grade, and that didn't last long. Of course, I accepted it, but for the rest of the period, there was an awkwardness in my mind. As pathetic as it sounds I wasn't used to others genuinely enjoying my company like he did. Which was partly by design cause I get joy out of scaring people away, but still. I forgot how it felt to have conversations about normal things like art. He had such a nice smile too, usually when I see a grin I want to slap it off, but I liked his. His voice was also nice, it’s hard to describe what in particular but it was easy on the ears.
Okay, I’m starting to get off-topic. I’ll skip to the important part. Toward the end of class, he started talking about how he was interested in filmmaking and got a portable video camera as a gift at last year’s Eid. He didn't have it on him, but he showed me a picture.
“Heh, that’s funny, I bought the same one a month ago.” I pointed out.
“Yeah, it's a popular model, I’m still getting the hang of it though cause I’m so used to using my phone.”
“Well, maybe I could bring you over to my place or vice versa after school and I can help you out.” I suggested.
He smiled, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“I thought you said you’ve only had it for a month? You know I can always look up tutorials from trained professionals.” he reminded me with a notable smugness that I'd used with him before.
“Well those guys are stuffy and I’m a fast learner.”
He redirected his attention back to his page, picking his pencil up.
“Alright, I suggest we go somewhere public instead. You’re not exactly the kind of person I want to bring home to my parents right away. Plus they always need to meet my friends and their guardians before I hang out at their home.”
I gave an exaggerated sigh, stretching my back.
“Aw man, looks like we can’t get high in my murder pit during our first hangout.”
He didn't respond for a solid few seconds.
“Wait, you do know I'm joking right?”
He shrugged, the smile in his eyes appearing again.
“I mean, one of those things is a little less believable than the other.” he snickered, and I laughed with him.
We set up a time and a date, which is where I screwed myself. He ended up being busy with projects from his other classes and family which just left us with Friday, the same day I had to submit the video. Now, did I tell him I wouldn't be able to make it? No, of course not, because I decided to be stupid and even more overconfident. I said that I’d one hundred percent be able to hang out with him after school like I didn't have a mutilator who was going to drop by my place at an unknown time.
The rest of the day went over fine but that bad timing led me to feel like a dick later. When I got home I was able to write out my plan, even sketching a few specifics of what I’d do. It was more exciting than when I’d been brainstorming, but this is when the gravity of the situation began to set in. When I said I’d fantasized about killings I meant it. I mean my teddy with twenty-five stab wounds should say enough. Regardless this would be the first time real blood was on my hands.
It made me feel powerful, but a little afraid. I’ve heard stories of people thinking that it would be an awesome experience and then feeling like shit. I doubted I’d be one of those people but still. Plus, I didn't exactly trust the guy who gave me this job. There was a good chance that this whole situation was rigged and they’d kill me no matter how good the video was. Or worse turn me into the feds and expose my collection. Honestly, if that happened I’d probably eat a shot to avoid going to jail. Wait, can I say that on this platform? Okay to the mods, that was a joke, I want to live a long life. Ugh, I’m doing a terrible job of staying on track. The point is there was a lot up in the air despite it being a matter of life or death.
I knew I’d go through with it but it was still a lot less straightforward than it initially seemed. I wracked my brain to remember where most of the cats stayed and tried to come up with a good way to lure one without raising suspicion. This also proved harder than first thought because I didn't think to account for the cat man, an old guy who lived alone and fed all the cats in our dingy complex while also housing a few. Knowing how obsessive he was he’d probably notice if one of them disappeared. Then again not all the cats return consistently or at all. It makes more sense that he’d think one of them was run over rather than slaughtered. It was getting late again so I rested my head for a moment, a bad move cause I ended up falling asleep at my desk. Not even changing out of the clothes I’d worn before, I woke up late and barely caught the bus the next morning.
I went to my usual spot but Abdul had already taken it. He patted the area next to it, which he’d covered in a towel, a smart move knowing how nasty it was. People gave me a few dirty looks as normal, which I smiled at. I stretched, my mind slightly less out of it than the previous morning.
“Uh, you do realize that-”
“Yeah, I know I’m wearing the same clothes.”
Abdul looked me up and down, his eyes remaining soft, but with a mix of concern and judgment. He set his backpack down and took off his sweater handing it to me.
“Dude what are you-”
“Look I don't know what led to you not being able to change but I think you should at least have a fresh top.”
I was surprised he was offering me something to wear but I took it.
“Uh, thanks, I’ll change into it later.”
He nodded as I put it in my backpack.
“You know you didn't have to do that.” I reminded him.
“Well there’s a lot of stuff I don’t have to do, but I do it because I want to, and I wanted to help you out.”
He smiled, his face still warmer than an Arizona summer. I got a strange feeling in my chest at that moment, I still can’t tell if it was good or bad.
“Well, thanks, I'll give it back to you tomorrow.”
We talked a little more and he mentioned something that caught my attention.
“Have you heard about all the animals that have been turning up dead?”
My eyes widened with surprise.
“No, I haven't, when did you hear about that?”
He pulled on his long-sleeve shirt.
“My sister said her friend who works at a shelter noticed a bunch of animals were getting adopted by people around the same time, and since then gore videos with them have been showing up. She found out through her co-worker who was emailed it by some random creep.”
I covered my mouth and looked away to hide the smile growing on my face. He had just given me the perfect cover-up without knowing. Now if I killed an animal people had an entire violent ring to connect it to instead of me! I stayed quiet for a minute because I could tell he’d likely see through any phony sad sounds I made.
“Oh wow, that’s awful, do you think they’ll ever find out the people behind it?”
He sighed, running his hand through his wavy hair.
“I hope so, for now, all we can do is pray that no more animals get hurt.”
I couldn't contain my grin as he said that so sincerely like animals and people didn't die constantly and that taking down one group would somehow stop the issue.
“Is there some joke I don’t get?” he furrowed his brow.
“Uh, no, sorry I smile when nervous.”
His gaze softened again, and he didn't press further.
His bringing up the animal killings ended up being the exact push I needed to get my hands dirty. I’d spent the entire day before planning so it was time to put that plan into action. I stole some cat treats that the cat man had laid out and spread them around my apartment which was on the bottom floor. Waiting for one of them to take the bate outside my window was pretty boring but one of them came after a few minutes. A scraggly brown and black cat with a tuft of fur missing on one side of his head. It's messed up but I felt like a little less of an asshole for taking him in since he looked like he was already struggling. I scooped him up and he didn't attempt to fight back.
“Hey there buddy” I waved, feeding him some more food. His eyes had a lot of crust on them, it was kinda gross but I don’t have the right to say with how often I wash my jeans. After a minute or two he let me pet him. I knew making any kind of attachment was bad but I thought it was the right thing to do so he’d fall into a sense of security. I was just about to take him into my room when the door opened.
“Hey, I’m back with groceries!” my shithead cousin announced with two plastic bags in his hands. He looked down to see me with the cat, his eyebrows raising.
“Aw come on, you know we can’t afford a pet.”
He groaned placing the bags on a table and unloading them.
“I know, but he doesn't look like he’s got a lot of life in him I at least want to help him feel better before he kicks the bucket!”
Brick rolled his eyes, putting the cereal box on top of the fridge
“Jeez, did you even think about what diseases he might have? His eyes look puffy what if he has something that can get you sick?”
He had valid concerns which was surprising since he’s usually stupid, but I was still annoyed with him.
“I’m sure he’s fine, I’ll even try to wash him, just please let me hold onto him for a little.”
He folded his arms looking down at us.
“Have you even named him?”
I froze for a second, before using the first thing that came to mind, which ended up being pretty awful knowing my plans.
“Cash cow.” I blurted, awkwardly patting his head.
“Honestly that’s better than what I was expecting. I was sure you’d pick ‘Hellspawn Mcgee’ or something else corny.”
He meant to make fun of me but honestly, I would have named him that if I had more time.
“Ugh, anyway I got those dumb chips you like.”
He then pulled out a bag of the wrong chips.
“Dude those are the wrong ones, this is the third time you’ve mixed up the flavors.”
He threw them at me, scaring the cat slightly.
“Well, I pay for it so you shouldn't be so picky. Anyway, while I was in line I picked up something you might be into.”
He then tossed me a trashy teen magazine. One of my least favorite sorry excuses for an influencer on the cover.
“This is a joke, right?”
I couldn't believe my own adopted brother gave such little shit in my interests.
“I don't know, you decided to start being a girl for real this time so I thought the makeup tips on page ten would help you out.”
I scrunched my face at his comment.
“Dude I’ve been this way for years, just because I started wearing more makeup and dresses doesn't mean I’m more of a girl than when I didn't. I know you won’t get the two-spirit thing but come on.”
He shrugged, seeing me done with me even though he’d just shown up.
“Yeah well hey I’m trying. Anyway, just so you know a friend of mine is coming here Friday.”
My heart stopped.
“Wait why here? You live elsewhere why can’t you assholes go there or their place!”
He slammed his fist on the table.
“Will you shut the fuck up!”
He screamed with a phrase I’d grown numb to.
“I don't know, to be honest, something about wanting to move into this complex and this being a way to scout it out. I’m just letting you know now so you don’t act like a complete freak.”
“Jokes on you I’ll piss in whatever shitty beer you bring just cause you said that!”
I yelled back raising my voice higher than his. He face-palmed before putting the plastic bags in the drawer under the sink.
“Whatever, you and your ketamine-addict-looking cat have fun,” he told me while seating himself on the couch. I picked up the cat and walked into the bathroom to clean it. I closed the door and placed him in the dry tub. Using a small disposable mouthwash cup I got a little bit of water. I hadn't had a pet before so I wasn't sure how to approach the task. I dipped my fingers in the water and carefully pet it while pouring s small bit down his back. Any other cat would fight back but he just made pissed-off noises without doing anything.
I scrapped my old shampoo bottle and kneaded it into his thin fur. His skin was bumpy and dry beneath the hair so scrubbing it was uncomfortable. I made sure to avoid getting soap in its eyes but I did pull away some of the crust on its lids. His pupils were so clouded I was surprised that he could see at all, making me feel even more sure that he would be on its way out with or without me.
After drying him I set him on a beat-up shirt I wore when modifying clothes. He sunk his claws into it a few times, playing with a loose string. I ignored him for the rest of the night, hopping into the shower and changing for bed. His meows woke me up a few times but I tuned it out after a while, reminding myself that he wouldn’t be my cat for long.
The next day was Thursday and there wasn't a second that passed by where the weight of the murder I’d have to commit didn't weigh on me. I seriously shot myself in the foot by taking care of that scruffy, pubic hair pile. I was supposed to be hyped about killing it, after all, I’d dreamed and seen way worse than what I was going to do. Yet once I got home and started setting up I felt grosser with each step. I decided to record it in my bathroom instead of my bedroom so it would be harder to connect to me. I set down a few fabric scraps and a worn-out beach towel, placing it all inside a tub for easier cleanup later.
“Okay, I guess it's time,” I mumbled to myself. I brought the cat in and placed it down, setting up my camera once it was comfortable. I also wore my most generic clothes in addition to a mask, putting my hair in a bun for sanitation. When I saw the flicker of red showing that the camera was on I felt I was dreaming. I smiled, excited that I’d get to live out my violent desires. Yet, when I looked down at its pathetic frame and confused expression those urges left me.
I rationalized what I was doing, reminding myself how many animals die all the time and that I’d been forced into this, but it didn't help much in the end. I won’t get into it but under the pressure of impressing the group Cash Cow didn't go out as fast as I would have liked for a first task. Getting rid of the evidence was especially rough, the textures were pretty nasty, to put it mildly. It was surreal watching the blood go down the tub drain and gradually drip off my hands as I rinsed them. I couldn't conjure a single thought the entire time I cleaned it up.
Whether I was wringing out the clothes or putting the remains in plastic bags, it didn't matter. All I could focus on was the task at hand, with hints of disgust along the way. I ended up finishing at three AM. My hands were wrinkled and shook once I settled. I won’t deny that during the murder I didn't hate it. Slashing into something was fun and it made me feel strong. Still, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling as I expected it to be. Part of it was guilt, but it was mostly disappointment. I’d built it up for years and it wasn't earth shatteringly good or bad.
Overall, I expected to feel more, but it just left me hollow with an uncomfortable itch. There was no way I’d ever be able to see the tub the same way, hell I don’t think I’ll ever use it again. Luckily I almost always shower anyway so it's not too big of a deal. I watched a few horror game videos, trashed everything, changed and went to bed.
My scalp hurt like a bitch the morning since I kept my hair in that stupid bun. Despite getting less sleep than the past two days I held myself together a bit better in the morning. I brushed my teeth, changed, and had some fried bread before getting on the bus. Regardless I looked like complete shit and struggled to slump into my seat.
“Rough night?” Abdul asked
“Uh, yeah.” I quietly responded looking to the floor.
He frowned, looking at me with concern.
“You can talk about it if you're comfortable,” he assured me. I contemplated giving him a thinly veiled metaphor or vague explanation so he'd comfort me but stopped myself before my mouth could run a muck. He wouldn't be able to do much of anything and I don’t like opening up.
“Uhm, thanks but it's something I have to deal with alone.”
He nodded, respecting my boundaries.
“You know, I understand if you can’t hang out today it seems like you have a lot going on.”
I avoided eye contact with him as he spoke. For once I was feeling hints of guilt toward a person. I wanted to spend time with him, but I knew that I wasn't in the state to do that.
“Yeah, I think it’ll have to wait, I’m-” I cut myself off before apologizing. A fact about me that should surprise no one is that I hate apologizing. Even when I do feel kinda bad the act fills me with embarrassment.
“You what?” he asked, his eyes telling me that he knew what I was going to say.
“I’m emotionally not great.” I spat out in an admittedly poor attempt to get out of saying sorry. As always he remained calm but I could tell he saw through me.
“Okay, like I said I understand, whatever it is I hope you feel better.”
I told him thank you and we didn't speak for the rest of the day. At home I changed into more comfortable clothes and brushed my teeth. Unfortunately, I wasn't bouncing back from killing nearly as much as I expected.
“It wasn't even that bad! That thing was on its last legs anyway.” I grumbled to myself, smacking my forehead. I was feeling worse than when I did it which is weird. I ended up spontaneously decorating a ratty tie from the bottom of an accessory drawer to distract myself. It helped me get my mind off things, for a little. I had zero plan, just wanting to make something needlessly complex. Hours that felt like minutes passed and soon it was covered in patches, frills, and beads. I just tried it on when I heard the front door open.
“Man, that shit was wild!” I heard Brick laugh groggily. I didn't have to see or smell him to know he’d gotten lit. I rolled my eyes, closing my bedroom door.
“Hey, who’s there?” his friend asked, seemingly referring to me.
“Oh, that’s my little sis, don’t mind her she’s just on her emo shit!” he joked, which pissed me off for the petty reason that I didn't even listen or dress emo.
“Hey, that’s alright with me, I went through one of those phases,” they responded, their words less slurred than my cousin’s.
I fucked up and forgot to lock it when I closed it so they were able to swing it open, almost smacking my desk.
“Hey emo girl!” they waved as Brick haphazardly pulled them back.
“Okay, man, seriously I think she wants to be left alone.”
The way his friend looked at me made me uncomfortable. Like they’d snap my neck if I pissed them off. They clicked their tongue while stepping through the door frame.
“Alright, but I gotta say calling her an emo is inaccurate, they look like they watch gore and most emos just say they do.” they flashed a sharp toothy grin. At that moment I began to connect the dots.
“Easy, she’ll get pissy with you dude, now come on.” Brick warned tugging their opened button pushed him away. They looked me dead in the eyes.
“I don’t think she minds, in truth, I feel like we’ll have a lot to discuss later.” they smiled again, finally walking back into the living room. A chill ran up my spine when I saw them. The sharp teeth, New York accent, unsettling gaze, that motherfucker was the person who recruited me! They were able to get into my place so easily cause my dumbass cousin probably gave them a spare key or the opportunity to make one, and now they were a room away from me!
I dug my hands into my pillow as I contemplated what to do, no matter what happened next, I knew it was gonna be a rough visit.