Behan ke chudi s full stori

Long story short im deploying soon and my mom and I are on Section 8. Thing is Section 8 is saying depending on how much I make on the deployment, we’ll be taken off on Section 8 meaning we’ll have to move.
If my mom takes me off the lease or I take myself off her lease she’ll still have to move because it’s a 2 person household and she can’t pay for a 2 person household while being the only one there (since I’ll be gone on deployment).
They’re also saying if she continues to pay the full amount of rent for the next 6 months, she automatically be removed from Section 8. Thing is she’s payed the full amount of rent for 6 months at a time numerous of times and they’re saying they didn’t “catch that” but now they have.
Mom and the Section 8 lady got into a bit of an argument and I believe she’s retaliating by trying to get us kicked out. If you know anything about Section 8, it takes years to get even get the chance to apply as the waitlist is huge.
My base pay is 35k for the deployment but with BAH and other things I have the potential to make 60k and they’re going off how much I have the potential to make instead of what I know I’m making at least. And they’re combining me and my moms incomes saying we have the potential to make 68k next year. Is here anything that can be done?
I’m not trying to get out of deployment but if it’s going to cost us loosing our section 8 that took my mom over 10 years to get on all for a measly year and loose our house we’ve been living in over a decade then I’d rather not go because deployment isn’t worth loosing our house over. And my mom can’t really afford to loose her Section 8. She’s disabled and only gets 1000 a month to live off of.
I just don’t understand how we’re getting punished over something that’s over my control. I can’t controll being voluntold that I’m deploying. Just like a job can’t fire me for leaving for military duties. Are they allowed to do that? Is that the law regardless of military service? Any advice? Please Help? I just don’t know what to do.

Hello redditors of antiMLM,
Just this week, I received an email from a relation advertising FOREVER—not to be confused with Forever Living. Searching through this sub, I found a few short references over the last years with little detail. In one, a commentor described FOREVER stating "as mlms go, it seems ethical." Every red light went off while I looked into these “FOREVER Ambassadors.” I then began a search, with much of the ultimate work done by my spouse. It took longer than seemed acceptable to identify this MLM for people who glanced over the internet. FOREVER is not listed on any of the MLM databases I could find from this sub or elsewhere. Based on the mandatory “FOREVER Ambassador Community” on Facebook, now 8 years old, at least 2,500 people have gotten into their clutches at some point (I haven’t linked because I think it might be against the sub rules).
Thus, for the benefit and enjoyment of the people, here are references for the community to identify a yet-another-multi-level-marketing scheme. I am a sarcastic person, so be forewarned. All sources were publicly available and required no logins or access.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
(1) Background of the FOREVER business model
(2) The FOREVER Ambassador program
(3) Costs of serving as an Ambassador
(4) Compensation advertised for Ambassadors
(4a) Income in cash from personal sales
(4b) The downline system used by FOREVER
(4c) Non-monetary-achievement compensation
(5) FOREVER Ambassador Business Training
(6) Conclusion down to brass tax on FOREVER
STUDY OF FOREVER
(1) Background of the FOREVER business model
FOREVER is an online service that advertises it can be a “permanent digital home that lasts for many generations.”[1] This is to be accomplished via a so-called “FOREVER Guarantee Fund” that invests to pay for digital storage for over 100 years.[1] Their website promises me that “permanent” is “not a buzzword”—I think that’s the Platonian ideal of a buzzword.[1] Regardless, this is not a quality review post.
(2) The FOREVER Ambassador program
The sellers used by FOREVER are called “FOREVER Ambassadors.”[2] As advertised, it looks like a classic MLM pitch. You can “earn up to 35%” commission” while having “the freedom to work from home, and the flexibility to make money on your own schedule.”[2] FOREVER lists various opportunities, such as “trainings” and the ability to “learn and grow with friends,” as well as “make life-long friends.”[2] As part of the “Meet our Team” webpage for corporate FOREVER, there are multiple “Executive Ambassadors” listed.[3] There is no barrier to entry on experience required to become an Ambassador.[4] I observed that, throughout the internet and on the FOREVER website, the vast majority of Ambassadors are women—as you know, many MLMs target women and moms.
(3) Costs of serving as an Ambassador
FOREVER has, at minimum, an “Annual Ambassador Fee” that is the primary cost to entry of the program.[2] For $179 a year, one would receive “back office tools,” various marketing materials, and “countless opportunities”—maybe money, but more on that soon.[2] There is a link to an Ambassador’s own selling website.[5, at 22] This Ambassador fee “is subject to change over time.”[5, at 25] There is also a FOREVER Merchandise store where Ambassadors can get their supplies.[6] These include a 40-pack set of catalogs for $44.99 and a $144.99 tablecloth for potential customers during in-person events.[6]
For Ambassadors, FOREVER advertises there are “free training events.”[5, at 25] Each year, for $399 in 2024, Ambassadors can attend the 3-day “FOREVER Live” event.[7] It is in the destination getaway of… next to their headquarters in Pittsburgh, PA (I’m sorry Pittsburgh, you’re a beautiful city).[5, at 24] It is also possible to pay for a “p2P Virtual Party” and “p2P Live Events,” but is unclear what those mean.[5, at 5] Various “ranks” of Ambassadors receive a “monthly stipend” starting at $25 a month after $15,000 total in personal plus team sales a year.[5, at 9]
(4) Compensation advertised for Ambassadors
(4a) Income in cash from personal sales
FOREVER pays its Ambassadors based on a “cash sales” versus “full sales” system.[5, at 5] The too-long-didn’t-read summary is that some products are paid less commission than others because of “margin” of different products.[5, at 5–6] Critically, the Personal Commission Rate is where our story kicks into gear. At the bottom, an Ambassador who sells less than $2,000 a year in sales receives the windfall of a 15% commission.[5, at 7] The number rises to 34% once sales are $90,000 or greater in one year (I don’t know where the 35% from earlier went).[5, at 7] However, to earn the 20% commission or more once one passes the $2,000 sales amount requires completion of the “FOREVER Ambassador Business (FAB) Training.”[5, at 7] I read it, more on that later.
You might ask, “Is there a sales quota for FOREVER® Ambassadors?” FOREVER says “no.”[8] However, the less one does the less FOREVER pays Ambassadors for what they do (this chart is older than the Compensation Guide cited).[8]
(4b) The downline system used by FOREVER
Of course, while it took forever to reach here, we come to the “downline” process—FOREVER’s words, not mine.[5, at 9] FOREVER immediately identified that new Ambassadors “choose another Ambassador to mentor you as you grow your business” (I do not know if this means an upline).[2] Nevertheless, “Team Sales” are compensated by FOREVER down to the 5th Line.[5, at 9] If an Ambassador does not build a team, then they do not earn Team Commissionable Cash Sales Commissions.[5, at 9] FOREVER states that getting new Ambassadors “to sign up under your name” is how you help “further your business.”[9]
However, even if an Ambassador builds a team, they receive a very restricted downline compensation if they do not make a minimum of personal sales.[5, at 9] For future reference, an “Associate Ambassador,” the bottom, makes less than $2,000 and earns no downline sales.[5, at 9] An “Ambassador,” second to last, is the first rank with a downline commission (4% for 1st Line), requiring $2,000/personal a year.[5, at 9] To reach “Senior Ambassador,” third to last, and above, a FOREVER Ambassador must start earning exponentially greater amounts of personal plus team sales to rise in the “ranks.”[5, at 9] A Senior Ambassador requires $8,000/personal but $15,000/gross, and is the first to get 2nd Line commission (4% for 1st Line and 2% for 2nd Line).[5, at 9] It is unclear to me if “new members” must be recruited “each month” to rankup—the website says so, but I see it nowhere in the Compensation Guide.[8]
At the top of hierarchy, there become two “Executive Ambassadors.”[5, at 9–10] These ranks start at $28,000/personal and $250,000/gross a year.[5, at 9] As well, one must have at least three “Team Leaders” in their 1st Line.[5, at 10] Team Leaders refers to Ambassadors who have themselves reached the rank of “Associate Lead Ambassador” ($12,000/personal and $30,000/gross).[5, at 9] FOREVER advertises that the Executive ranks are for—and I am not making this up—those Ambassadors who are “grooming FOREVER Leaders on your team below you.”[5, at 10] Irony is dead folks.
(4c) Non-monetary-achievement compensation
Because being paid to work is overrated, FOREVER will also provide “Additional Benefits” to its various ranks. As an Associate Ambassador, you can join the aforementioned Facebook Group and hear the CEO talk on a monthly phone call.[5, at 11] Regular Ambassadors also get a certificate to put on their wall.[5, at 11] Senior Ambassadors get a standing ovation at FOREVER Live!—you can even be ovated on stage as an Associate Lead Ambassador (I would pay $179 a year to not).[5, at 13–14] My observation is that a lot of ranks mostly provide additional types of standing ovations at FOREVER Live! and reserved seats for dinners there.
But then you can reach the pinnacle of Everest (that much like the real one, other people just carry you up there): the Million Dollar Club.[5, at 20] For making $1 million in personal and team sales in a year, one will earn a single $10,000 dollar bonus.[5, at 20] If you are then a “top-performing Ambassador,” one can be taken on the “Achievement Gathering,” to Jamaica in 2024, to mill around with other top-performing Ambassadors—and the corporate staff.[5, at 24] There is no mention how many people earn it or how much must be earned.[5, at 24]
(5) FOREVER Ambassador Business Training
I mentioned earlier that Ambassadors must complete a “FAB” training to receive more than 15% in commissions.[5, at 7] To hit this post home, I wanted to identify some highlights. The FAB training has 5 Steps to reach regular Ambassador status.[10, at 4] These Steps include such activities as “Meet with your Upline” (Step 1), “Connect with your Upline” (Step 2), “Meet with your Upline” (Step 3), “Meet with your Upline” (Step 4), and “Meet with your Upline” (Step 5).[10, at 7, 10, 12, 14, 16] You also have to join the FOREVER Facebook group and any created by your Team (just “ask your Upline” to find it).[10, at 6–7] There’s a task in Step 2 to create an introductory “Share List,” with five lines each for “Friends,” “Teachers,” and your own “Parents/Grandparents.”[10, at 7–9] For an unclear number of hours, you must attend multiple weekly and monthly “training opportunities” and “calls.”[10, at 6–7, 10] And one last item, to rank up in FOREVER, you must register for an upcoming event.[10, at 12] As of writing, the only one listed on the linked webpage is the $399 FOREVER Live! conference.[11]
(6) Conclusion down to brass tax on FOREVER
I was unable to find an Income Disclosure Statement for FOREVER. However, basic math tells us that an Associate Ambassador, the bottom, can only earn up to $300 a year.[5, at 11] To reach regular Ambassador, which includes signing up and beginning all the time sinks listed above, the maximum personal commission is $1,200, in addition to whatever downline (however big those are on average).[5, at 11] Without a downline, even the top-bracket personal sellers are the only ones to earn more than $30,000 a year.[5, at 7] The Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis estimates that the Real Median Personal Income in the United States for 2022 was $40,480.[12]
There is one way to make it with FOREVER: to build a downline. It’s a multi-level-marketing scheme, and no one should join it. Unless of course, you want to join my downline—I promise you'll be rich just like me.
LIST OF REFERENCES
[1] “Our Story,” FOREVER.com (accessed May 18, 2024), https://www.forever.com/our-story
[2] “Become a FOREVER Ambassador,” FOREVER.com (accessed May 18, 2024), https://www.forever.com/opportunity
[3] “Meet Our Team,” FOREVER.com (accessed May 18, 2024), https://www.forever.com/our-story/team
[4] “What is required of me as a FOREVER Ambassador?,” FOREVER.com Support (accessed May 18, 2024 [updated “2 years ago”]), https://support.forever.com/hc/en-us/articles/215823437-What-is-required-of-me-as-a-FOREVER-Ambassador
[5] Ambassador Compensation Guide, FOREVER (Jan. 31, 2024), https://www.forever.com/app/users/forevealbums/ambassador-kit/f3ii4wzeewd0nfwg4nb40kyw1/files/1043b0c6-de01-4aff-a1e3-83db7e6b1b17
[6] “FOREVER Merchandise,” FOREVER.com Ambassador Training (accessed May 18, 2024), https://www.training.forever.com/store
[7] “FOREVER Live! 2024,” FOREVER.com (accessed May 18, 2024), https://www.forever.com/events/forever-live-2024
[8] “Is there a sales quota for FOREVER® Ambassadors?,” FOREVER.com Support (accessed May 18, 2024 [updated “2 years ago”]), https://support.forever.com/hc/en-us/articles/215142548-Is-there-a-sales-quota-for-FOREVER-Ambassadors
[9] “Downline,” FOREVER.com Support (accessed May 18, 2024 [updated “2 years ago”]), https://support.forever.com/hc/en-us/articles/221072448-Downline
[10] FOREVER Ambassador Business Training, FOREVER (May 14, 2024), https://www.forever.com/app/users/ambassador-training/albums/02-forever-ambassador-business-training-booklet/qcg622q43zy6835w9ojq3wkw/files/f0bd2387-bb14-43a2-a46d-344a91470147
[11] “Events,” FOREVER.com (accessed May 18, 2024), https://www.forever.com/events
[12] “Real Median Personal Income in the United States,” Federal Reserve of St. Louis (accessed May 18, 2024), https://fred.stlouisfed.org/series/MEPAINUSA672N
EDIT: A few formatting errors and other minor corrections.

Over two hundred years after The War of Arcane Sundering had destroyed the greatest kingdoms of Arches, anyone who is found with the ability to weave magic is taken and trained under the watchful eye of The Mage’s Circle. Sources that survive the training with their minds in tact are assigned to one of the five noble houses to serve as court mages. One of these sources, taken when she was little, has escaped The Circle with the help of an unknown entity. Through dreams she has seen visions of a past’s past. A man, the first one to weave magic and change his reality. But with only blurred glimpses into another’s past, will she be able to find what she seeks before The Circle’s Magehunters find her? Will she be able to free herself from their endless watch?
After twenty years of tacking and hunting for the Ironthorn Syndicate, Ezura has started to forget his past life. Growing up as a half-elf in an elven clan, Ezura did not have the luxury of time to learn the skills of hunting and tracking before he reached adulthood. He began his training earlier than any other child in the clan and despite the little time he had compared to others, he became one of their most skilled Eladan, or ranger in common language. After an incident involving a knight from a nearby kingdom, the ranger became a criminal, exiled from his clan and hunted by the kingdom. Joining the Ironthorns was the only way he could live without constantly running from soldiers and bounty hunters. But years of hunting for the syndicate have worn on the half-elf. He wants out, but after burning into the family, the only way to leave is to bleed out. After finding an old book during one of his hunts however, he thinks that its contents may be the key to finding his way out of a life of crime. If he could find someone who could decipher the diagrams and glyphs that fill the pages, he could change the past and stay in his clan. But who would be able to comprehend such things?
Hi there! I’m Keith, a 25 year old in CST. If you read through all that, you might be interested in rebooting an old roleplay that I have been itching to write again. I’m looking for a semi-lit to literate partner over the age of 20 to write as a sorceress on the run. If you would like some information on the characterization of this sorceress from the prior story, I would be more than willing to provide some info. If not, I’d be really excited to see how your completely new take on this character. I usually write anywhere from two to three paragraphs in my responses and would like my partner to do about the same, giving some leeway for shorter responses during back and forth dialogue. I do work full time and have a baby so I may not always respond right away but I try to write a response two days after my partner posts or less. Of course I would communicate with you if that should change. I’ve found that Discord has been the best platform to keep the story together so I prefer to use that.
If you are interested in restarting this journey with me, I would love to hear from you! If you could send a small snippet of any past writing you’ve done, that would be much appreciated. I look forward to seeing how the stories of these two characters end.

The most bizarre thing happened to me yesterday.
This is a throwaway account because this story has to do with a co-worker. Several co-workers and I have Reddit account and often post on subs related to the industry we’re in. I’m worried what I say here could be too identifying.
Yesterday, a female co-worker asked me to be her sperm donor.
I’m friendly with this woman. I like her. I think she’s genuinely a sweet person who takes her job seriously and is good at what she does. I don’t think she always gets a fair shake at work or is taken seriously some of the time due to her appearance. There’s nothing crazy about her appearance or anything, she’s just objectively attractive. I’ve heard guys make inappropriate sexual jokes about her. There have been rumors about her hooking up with multiple male colleagues. There was even a rumor that she and I were having an affair at one point, which had no merit. I’ve never slept with this woman or done anything sexual with her. I find her attractive and admittedly sometimes I do have to force myself to maintain eye contact with her when she’s talking to me. She wears revealing blouses sometimes. I’m a boob guy, so I’m just being honest here. But I’d never pursue anything like that with her. I’ve only ever acted respectful towards her.
I’ve been divorced for about 2 years. I’ve dated some since then, but nothing serious that I want to commit to. I have kids with my ex-wife.
So she told me she needed to meet to discuss something important with me. I’m a director and she’s a manager, separate departments - I’m not her supervisor. My department handles some things for her department and I know she’s been having trouble with somebody on my team. I assumed that’s what she wanted to talk about.
Instead, she took me out to lunch to give me this big speech about why she wants to be a single mom and why she wants me to be her sperm donor! I was literally speechless. It was obvious she’s been thinking about it for a while. She’s even consulted a lawyer about the logistics of ensuring that a sperm donor of her choice could be guaranteed to not be held legally responsible for the child. She tried to assure me that she wouldn’t expect anything from me, she doesn’t want any involvement from me, and we wouldn’t have to tell anyone. We could even have actual sex if I wanted to do it that way, or we could be more formal about it, depending on my comfort level.
I mean, it’s bizarre and was very uncomfortable, but at the same time strangely flattering. I didn’t say no right away. I haven’t actually told her no at all. I mean, inside I was yelling no way, but why didn’t I actually tell her that? Maybe I just wanted me ego stroked a bit more, idk.
Of course I asked her why me. She said I’m nice, she likes me, I don’t treat her like a lot of the guys we work with. She thinks I’m “normal,” healthy as far as she’s aware, and she likes my physical features. But she’d want a full health history on me and my family before moving forward.
I asked her why she didn’t go to a sperm bank. She said that’s what she initially planned to do when she started seriously thinking about becoming a single mother, but once she started delving into it she discovered that there are many ethical issues with sperm banks. Shes been talking online with several women who have used known donors and has decided that’s the way she needs to go. She thinks I’m a good fit because while we’re friendly, we’re not friends, we don’t hang out with each other, we don’t know each other outside of work. She feels she knows me well enough to determine she likes me and certain traits/characteristics, without having to worry about it being weird because I’m not a close friend or somebody that would be around her family or friend group at all. Plus, I’m divorced now so there no spouse or partner to have to deal with.
She said she could always leave the company before anyone would possibly realize her kid looks like me if I’m worried about that. She feels she’d probably have to leave to avoid things being weird between us. She’s been studying for some sort of certification in hopes of finding a more specialized job anyway, she claims. We live in different cities, so our lives are totally separate outside of work.
I felt like it was a prank or hidden camera thing. Truly one of the most bizarre and unexpected things to happen to me. But when I googled “coworker asked me to be a sperm donor” I was surprised to find out this is far from an isolated incident. What’s even more bizarre is after reading some of these other stories, I’m not 100% about saying no. I mean, I’m about 90% sure I’ll say no. I felt bad telling her no on the spot and intended to let her believe that I was considering it over the weekend since I got the impression she had spent so much time thinking about it and rehearsing what she was going to say. But now I actually am finding a tiny part of myself considering it and I almost can’t believe myself.
Anyone ever been randomly asked to be a sperm donor before??? If you actually said yes, why? Did it work out in the end or become a legal mess? And no, I’m not seeming actual legal advice from Reddit.

I just finished Oathbringer and am fully invested in figuring out all of the intricate details of this series that has quickly become my new obsession. I’ve loved diving into the lore and seeing how our characters have been handling growing through their serious brokenness. Just wanted to post a lot of my thoughts, ideas, and questions here. Please let me know if any of these can be answered with information through OB. Otherwise, I’m sure most of this is RAFO and I’ll see as I jump right into Dawnshard and RoW!
Radiance

• Will Kaladin even say more of the Windrunner Ideals? There is something weird going on with the Radiants and why they decided to break their oaths at the Recreance and I don’t think we have the full story yet. Perhaps we don’t need our main characters to finish all of the Ideals? Not sure.
• I’m thinking that the 4th Windrunner Ideal might be something along the lines of “I accept that I can not protect everyone” and Kal must learn to live with the fact that sometimes he will fail and it will be very hard for him.
• What is our count on number of Ideals sworn by Shallan? Shallan’s are, of course, the truths that she tells to Pattern and those include the murders of each of her parents as we found in WoR. But what more could she say? There is still a lot of mystery with her family and their ties to the Ghostbloods, especially the mother and Helaran.
• Let’s get Shallan soulcasting more! She’s been way out of practice on that end.
• What about Dalinar’s Ideals? Dalinar becoming Unity seemed to be the second of his Ideals as the Stormfather accepted his words during the Battle for Thaylen City. I’m interested to see more of his development as a Radiant. It seems that the Bondsmiths are particularly important and I want to know more about each of the three of them and what their specific roles are. Will we see the other two appear as the series goes on?
• I’m glad Dalinar learns to read and write, it’s about time we give up some of those old-fashioned Vorin ideas. I was kinda hoping his Bondsmith powers would let him learn immediately in the same way he learns other languages by touching someone who speaks it, but oh well.
• I do not think we’ve seen much of the Surges of Cohesion and Tension (Stoneward territory) and I’d love to learn more about what they are, how they work, how different Radiants manifest powers through them. The Ars Arcanum descriptions of them are vague and mysterious. Dalinar can gain the power of Tension through being a Bondsmith, but I’m not sure if we’ve seen that explicitly yet?
• Just how powerful was Dalinar’s Unity stand? Odium retreated immediately after the conjunction of the three realms. Was Odium’s claim of (paraphrase) “I though we killed you” referring to Honor, or perhaps something different? Is this one of Dalinar’s powers now, i.e., will he be able to regenerate Stormlight at his will? It seems so since he reloaded Kaladin before he flew off to recover Skar, Drehy, and co., but it seemed to be quite taxing on him.
• Man I just want to know all about the different powers that Surgebinders carry. There are 10 surges total, and if each Order of the KR can access 2, then there are 10!/(8!2!) = 45 unique combinations of two surges… too bad there are only 10 orders instead of 45 to match all combinations :( Might have been an undertaking for Brandon to create all of these orders.
• It’s been hinted that upper-level Ideals must be sworn for Radiants to get Shardplate? Maybe we’ll see that happen in RoW.
• Of course Malata is siding with some antagonists. Fits the trope that fire/destruction powers = evil. Bummer. Maybe someone else will come up who can use this power for good.
• Renarin’s bond is interesting to me. His spren is either corrupted or simply one of the Voidspren, but he still seems to maintain good intentions as a character. I’m interested to see what happens with him. Maybe not all Voidspren have to side with Odium/the Fused. He is also mentioned (secretly to Odium) in the Diagram, so he’ll obviously play an important role.
• Similarly, I’m interested in Venli’s role. Seems like she recognizes that things are off with the Voidspren and Odium. Is her spren Timbre a lightspren? Willshaper Venli? Her ties to Odium, the Listeners, the Fused, etc. will be interesting after having said the First Ideal. Especially with the Voidspren that is in her gemheart.
• Jasnah clearly is very powerful (as shown at the Battle for Thaylen City) and it was an interesting choice to make her queen. I’d have figured she would want to devote her time to her scholarly work rather than dealing in politics, but we’ll see how it goes I guess. Might be hard to find time to mentor Shallan on Soulcasting too.
• Man we gotta find a way for Lift to either take in Stormlight in the normal way or to just get her a huge duffel bag full of food all the time, especially during battles.

Gods, Heralds, all things of power:

• What are the different “levels” of power that each of the gods possess? Honor has obviously been killed, but I get the sense that he might still be able to “come back” through DalinaStormfather? I don’t know. These gods can be killed I guess, so not quite true God-gods, just some supremely powerful beings.
• What are the motivations of these different gods (Odium, Cultivation, pre-death Honor, others)? It’s hard to get a reading on why Odium wants to be so involved with the Singers’/Listeners’ return instead of just existing as a god somewhere. I know he’s trapped somehow, hence the barter with Dalinar, but like why does he cause so much mischief in the first place? Just his nature I guess?
• Wit has got to be up here with this crew of gods, no?
• Who is Rayse? We hear about him through the letters exchanged with Wit in the epigraphs, but still so mysterious. Again, what are these higher-beings’ motivations? Perhaps his role is clearer by reading some of BS’s other books prior to the SA?
• I do believe that Adonalsium is the true OG God, and he somehow split into “Shards” that might be these other gods known as Honor, Odium, Cultivation, etc., but that is surmised through some reading online. Not sure exactly where that information has come out and what I need to read for better background on this. How did the Shattering occur? Why did the Shards gain sentience? Why do they have different personalities and motivations?
• This Voidlight is mysterious still. How is it different in nature to normal Stormlight? Can Knights Radiant take it in the same way? Can the Fused take in regular Stormlight? I don’t think it’s been explicitly stated, but this must be what was in the sphere that Gavilar gave the Szeth on the night of the assassination. Also is that sphere the same thing Navani hinted at when Dalinar showed her the Nergaoul-infused King’s Drop?
• I’m interested to find out why are Honorspren looked down upon in Shadesmar at the moment.
• Szeth’s blade Nightblood is very different — talks to him, needs to be sheathed instead of vanishing, has a very skewed sense of time, drains color. People on Reddit have recalled this blade from Warbreaker, which I have not read yet, and thus already know about it, Vivenna/Azure, and Zahel, among others.
• I am hoping that the Heralds are able to make somewhat of a recovery from their insanity and we can see them in power. Too bad Jezrien has been killed. I was looking forward to his return in particular. Nale is… coming around? We got a few glimpses of Ash in Oathbringer, and I realized she is the same character as the woman destroying paintings in the WoK interlude. Taln is so noble… was not even mad about holding the gates for 4.5 thousand years, just happy to have given humans the time to develop. Taravangian hinted that Dova in Kharbranth is Battar. Seems like Ishar will come into play given all his mentions in Oathbringer. Haven’t heard much (or don’t remember) much of the others (Kalak, Pailiah, Vedel, and Chanarach), but hopefully they show themselves soon!
• Ok, so the secret came out that the humans are the Voidbringers and came from another planet that they destroyed and caused a lot of problems here on Roshar. The timeline for this is confusing to me. If the humans are the invasive species, then why were the Heralds created in the first place? It’s my understanding that the Heralds (or all of the ones we’ve seen so far) are human. The old story says (or implies) that the Heralds were created to bring an end to the Desolations. So does that mean that the humans invaded, then Honor gave a handful of them additional powers (Surges) to help exterminate the Singers and the other Rosharan inhabitants? And then, of course, the formation of the Knights Radiant. When did they come about? Did the Heralds fight for a few hundreds/thousands of years before the KR were formed or were they around earlier? I’m missing the motivations of the gods here… why would Honor create these powerful beings to help invade a new planet? Not very honorable if you ask me. What kinds of powers did the early Listeners have that required the use of Surgebinding to defeat? How do the Voidspren and Fused play into this? Are they native Roshar spren that are just angry at being taken over by humans with their bonds to other higher spren? Something is fishy with the relationship between the Listeners and the Voidspren — they banished them at risk of being enslaved for thousands of years. Most of the Listeners are rightfully angry at the humans for millennia of enslavement, but very few actually want to kill the humans. Rather, they seem content to just cohabit Roshar. I am hoping for further clarification in RoW.
• The Unmade are so fascinating to me. They are described as being of Odium, but do not necessarily want to remain tied to him, some of them having minds of their own, fueled by the specific Passions relevant to them. Interesting how these powerful spren will continue to influence Roshar. Also being made, then unmade?? What’s that all about?
• Cultivation is being foreshadowed a lot and I am wondering what her influence will be in the coming books. She had the interaction with Dalinar in his flashback, but they talk about her so much more than just referring to this one instance. The Nightwatcher’s powers (with the boons/curses) are still so interesting to me too.
• Have we seen Odium’s analog to the NightwatcheStormfather? I’m assuming that if Cultivation and Honor have these more-powerful spren, then so will he. Maybe you could consider the Unmade to satisfy this role?

Secret Organizations:

• Ghostbloods — I feel like we’ll get a lot of info. on these guys soon. We know somewhat little about them. Members include Mraize and Iyatil, both mysterious, and members of House Davar. They are good at finding Honorblades and Heralds. Lots and lots of secrets. They’re gonna keep on manipulating Shallan it seems… hopefully she can maintain an upper edge.
• The Diagram — I am inclined to think that the Diagram may be right, but I am hoping that it’s flawed. Interesting that there were parts of the Diagram that even Odium couldn’t see (Renarin’s name). Seems they have good intentions, but are ultimately perilous to our protagonists through their means to save Roshar and, thus, are “bad guys”. I seems to me that Taravangian just wants what’s best for Roshar, and it’s too bad his one day of genius has painted all of our main characters as roadblocks/liabilities/etc. Always so sneaky, Taravangian, but also very interesting. I hope he has another day of brilliance, I loved reading the day on Urithiru where he was quite intelligent (still not the same as the Diagram day, of course).
• Sons of Honor — my least favorite of the secrete organizations tbh. Glad Amaram is dead after being infused by the Unmade (can’t remember which one. Yelig-Nar maybe?). Amaram seemed to have met with Odium prior to the battle for Thaylen City though… is that consistent with the SoH or did he break off from the group to do this? Other members of SoH that we know of so far?

Bridge Four:

• The connection between squires and radiants is still kinda vague to me. What are the requirements for these squires to become full Radiants, if at all?
• I think Rock may be my favorite B4 member, so earnest and kind, doesn’t want to hurt anyone. And a good cook. I’d like to know more about his past, his family, really all about the Horneaters. I could tell right away that he’d be pretty distraught over having to take the Amaram kill shot.
• Love Skar and Drehy’s connection with Adolin.
• Teft has gotta figure out his firemoss shit
• How can you not love the Lopen?

Other mysteries and thoughts:

• Aimia — what happened here? What caused its destruction? It’s hinted in Mythica that one of the Unmade, the mysterious Dai-Gonarthis, may have caused the destruction of this country. There are still secrets lying in Akinah as suggested by the Oathbringer interludes that I’d love to discover more about.
• What of the Aimian people? Reading online hints that there are two types, iirc. The only things I remember are of Axies the collector and the Sleepless that Lift encounters in Edgedancer. I remember being thoroughly spooked by him, hordelings crawling around all the time. Perhaps as intended, every time there is mention of cremlings in the main SA series, I think it’s one of the Sleepless keeping an eye on things (Taln’s kidnapping at the end of WoR, e.g.).
• Zahel has a lot to yet reveal in these books. I feel like he’s pretty dang powerful and should have a bigger role in all of this.
• The country of Natanan is somewhat interesting right now too. Still surviving as a city-state over so close to the Origin. How are they doing? I want more on them too.
• There’s some sketchy stuff going on at the Origin too. We’ve got information about that story (from Wit’s story in WoK if I remember correctly) that people may live there and have their own kingdom and whatnot. This place gets hinted at from time to time. Was the Oathbringer interlude about the lighthouse taking place here?
• There’s something going on in the Horneater Peaks. There is a Perpendicularity there, but I feel that can’t be all.
• What’s the deal with the Greatshells? They seem important and… wise? Perhaps some relation to the Chasmfiends (unless they’re classified as Greatshells too? I’m mostly thinking of those that live in/near the Reshi Isles).
• So much of the Cognitive realm/Shadesmar still needs to be explored and understood from our perspective.
• Will the assassin hired by Jasnah on the night of Gavilar’s assassination come into play again? Can’t remember her name rn.
• Speaking of that day… why were the Heralds (Nale and Ash? Any more?) at the party?
• Who is Restares and why did Gavilar think he may have been involved with his murder? Is there some deeper involvement by House Sadeas in the assassination of Gavilar as well?
• We still don’t know the full details of Gavilar’s plan. What was he up to? The Listeners killed him for the desire to bring back their gods (which has proved disastrous), but what else was he getting into? He had clear ties to the Sons of Honor I think.
• Will Adolin be able to revive Maya and perhaps gain some Radiant powers?? I’m rooting for it to happen.
• Man, what’s going on over in the West? Iri and Rira just decided to submit to the Voidspren/Listeners immediately? And Shinovar is going to have an interesting story with it being the first-landing of humans and the storage space for most of the Honorblades for thousands of years.
• Wit found a Pattern at the end of part 5 and mentioned some of the First Ideal (interesting…). He’s always going to be a mystery to me, I fear. But also easily one of the, if not the, best character in the series.

I (19F) am in college. Here is the necessary background information:
This past year I made friends with some people on the floor, one being Joey (18M). I also made friends with Christina (20F). School started mid August, and I had my first interaction with Joey around the 1st week of September. Me, Joey, and what are now 3 of our mutual friends (including his roommate), went into town and walked around. I would describe Joey as the defintion of a frat boy. Button up polo shirt, khaki shorts, and what people call the 'frat shag' (just a little longer). We however did not become genuine friends for months. In fact, there was one night me and my roommate held a party in our room, which was 2 weeks after we first met, and Joey mentioned having a girlfriend. I remember the girls at the party were confused because no one had seen a picture of her, nor had he ever talked about her up to this point. Me and my roommate brushed it off as some sort of weird joke, that was until the one football game where she came to visit for the weekend. I actually got to talk to her, Morgan (17F), that weekend, and she was very nice. But it was so clear to me that she was way more interested than he was. Morgan came up one more weekend that I'm aware of, but I did not see her, nor did Joey formally introduce her to any of us.
Flash forward to the beginning of November. Christina and Joey met at a tailgate, and started flirting. Our entire friend group were against this from the beginning because Joey still had a girlfriend. We went back to the dorms and continued to party, and I left to go out with a different group of friends. The following weekend, Christina and Joey continued to flirt with each other. One of our friends told Christina that joey had a girlfriend to which she said, "I don't care". But, nothing but flirting had happened.
I went home early for Thanksgiving, and the first night my intoxicated friend called me saying that Christina and Joey kissed, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop it. He went home for break, and continued to see the girlfriend, and a week after break she posted about their 3 years together which included a picture of them as kids with the caption, "I always had a crush on you."
I so badly wanted to tell her what he was doing, but ultimately, I spend almost all my time in proximity of Christina and Joey, and I never see Morgan. So, I didn't tell her.
Before winter break, joey told Christina he was going to break up with Morgan over winter break. And on New Years, Morgan posted a picture with Joey saying, "4th New Years together." I took a picture of this and sent it to Chrisitina. She was upset by it, but still didn't break things off with him. When we got back to school, the 2nd week back I went out with my friends, and Joey and his roommate were also going where we went. At this place, I saw joey flirting with a girl, and heard the girl ask him, "Do you have a girlfriend?" To which he responded, "No." Despite having 2. Safe to say, he didn't break up with Morgan over break.
In the middle of February, around Valentine's Day, Christina gave Joey an ultimatum: Break up with Morgan by Thursday or they were done. He broke up with her on Tuesday.
We all went on a spring break together, with a total of 7 of us, but it felt like there was only 5 of us. Christina and Joey spent the entire week pretty much isolating themselves from the group and having loud enough sex that it kept our 2 friends awake who were in the room above them.
Since Spring Break, I can’t say I saw much of them. They spent most of their time in his room, or at her apartment. But I myself did go out more and started seeing different friends more often. So, it makes sense we didn’t see much of each other.
For those wondering why Joey didn’t just break up with Morgan, I’ll tell you what he told me.
Morgan and joey’s families are family friends. Their parents have been friends since before they had children. Joey said that over Thanksgiving break he had broken up with Morgan, but his family forced him to get back with her. He also mentioned how he hoped Morgan would break up with him once he joined a frat, because she didn’t want him joining one. I had told him though he needs to make a choice, because it’s not fair, and that she had seemed more interested in him than he was in her.
Well, school had since ended for summer break. The other night I saw Morgan had posted a new guy on her story and I told my roommate about it, but she wanted to see. So I did the foolish thing of screenshotting the story, which resulted in Morgan texting me and I tried to lie saying I liked her bracelets, which she responded with, “You sure it isnt because your friend cheated on me and now I’m with someone else?” I responded with, “I’m sure. I’m actually really happy you found someone that will treat you right. I’m sorry for the part I played.” To which she said, “so he did cheat.” I then apolgized to her saying what Joey did was messed up, and she nor anyone else deserved to be treated that way.
And, sadly, it did not end there.
The next day she sent me a message asking what I meant when I said, “The part I played.” I explained that I knew what was going on, but made no effort to “improve the situation.” She asked if I knew what happened exactly, and I told her how I was mad that they had kissed before Thanksgiving and I was upset with them, so I don’t know the full story, which is the truth. But I also made her aware of the ultimatum Christina gave her right before they broke up. Morgan told me that he had borken up with her, but came back within 24 hours crying asking her to get back with him, and saying that some random girl had kissed him at a party, but he pushed her off, saying he had a girlfriend. Which was very different from the version I received from Joey when he said his family made him get back with her. I told her how he never mentioned that he had a girlfriend and had no photos of her in his room. To which Morgan said she was the one who printed out the photo of them and gave to him, that I never saw. I also told Morgan that Christina is a junior while we are freshman.
I also assured Morgan that she dodged a bullet, he’ll get his karma, and that she should never take him back because I don’t even trust him with Christina. Morgan thanked me for giving her the closure he never did, saying she wasn’t gonna break no contact with him and our conversation ended there.
Well, yesterday I received a text from Christina that said, “Hey, I’m gonna say this in the nicest way possible. I would really appreciate if you didn’t go to Joey’s ex about his and my business anymore. Because everything you tell her, she’s posting on social media. I didn’t tell you these things just so you could go and tell her everything I said. I came to you as a friend who needed advice and opinions thinking it would stay between you and I. Especially when she’s trying to make me look bad. I just think It’s not cool and pretty betraying as a friend. And I thought we were much closer than you and her were, but maybe I’m mistaken? I just think it’s really hurtful and embarrassing that you continue to tell my business to someone that doesn’t even know me. It’s nobody business but mine and Joey’s, and I clearly shouldn’t be asking for anyone’s opinions anymore.”
Now, I know I’m the asshole for betraying my friend, but I did not tell their secrets, truly. I didn’t give any details into their relationship, despite the fact that Joey had been cheating on Morgan with Christina since Thanksgiving, and that there was an ultimatum that led to the break up.
Joey texted me today asking what exactly I said to her, so I told him everything (minus the part where I said I didn’t trust him with Christina). To which he responded with, “I don’t think you understand how much you actually fucked both me and Christina.” As if it weren’t their own actions that brought them to this moment.
Whether or not they are my friends, they are cheaters. Joey cheated on his girlfriend of 3 years and lied to her about it, and then broke up with her via Snapchat. I know the part I played in this was 2-timing, but if they’re so ashamed of the consequences of their actions, maybe that should be a clue to them that their actions are shameful.
Am I in the wrong?

A new situation has arisen and not sure what to do/ handle this.
Been extremely lc w mil for years now (long story but dealing w full blown covert narc and enmeshed family) & about 7 months ago she did something so rude and outrageous to me that absolutely forced me to stop all visits between in-laws and lo for the foreseeable future. Lo and I are now full nc, I just had enough and couldn’t take it anymore. The disrespect, the entitlement, the lies etc etc. all of it.
Fil is currently in the early stages of testing/ labs to determine his diagnosis (possible cancer) and my husband & entire family, understandably, are freaking out about what’s to come. Dh gets phone call today from his dad… I could tell by husband’s short and surface level responses that fil was mentioning him and mil seeing lo/ starting visits again… I could also tell that it was once again mil putting pressure through the fil to see lo from the responses my husband was saying like “nothing has changed and doesn’t look like anything is changing anytime soon”, “idk and what’s important right now is your health I’m not getting into all of that right now”.
Guys, I know my husband and I’m not slow. I can put money on it mil is asking about visits again w lo and now that fil is possibly ill… this is sparking the conversation again. Luckily my husband responded those things but what the eff is this crap???? This is what I worried about… this health stuff going on and all of a sudden let’s all see lo after 7/8 months now. She still can’t come to me as a woman and admit her faults and apologize, genuinely, for anything. I’m in such an awkward position and frankly not even interested any more, if ever, in any relationship w any of them. Of course I pray and wish nothing but the best for fil and the family… this is such an awful diagnosis if that becomes to be true. Bt the topic of lo and visits coming up again just really threw me off and is actually disgusting me. They’re not gonna use this as a tool, once again, to gain access to lo when they have zero respect for me and no relationship with me & barely w dh.
I guess I’m venting too as husband made it clear but it’s still on my mind because I have compassion & am in this position at no fault of mine. How would you handle this situation?

Become a star citizen.
https://robertsspaceindustries.com/enlist?referral=STAR-DP7P-GD4P
use code STAR-DP7P-GD4P
If you don't already have a Roberts Space Industries (RSI) account, you'll want to take advantage of the Star Citizen referral code program. Doing so benefits the code provider and grants only you a bonus 5,000 United Earth Credits (UEC), the in-game currency for Star Citizen!
Thanks!!!
Improved New Player Experience : Play the tutorial
Star Citizen features a beautiful sprawling universe full of wonder, adventure, and action. However, it’s easy for new citizens to feel overwhelmed as they take their first steps into life in the 30th century.So, from Alpha 3.19, a whole-new guided mission will welcome new players to the ‘verse, including showing them how to get around, use the mobiGlas, and fly a ship in atmosphere and in space.
Invictus end free fly Celebration May 17-29 Invictus Launch Week 2954 - Roberts Space Industries Follow the development of Star Citizen and Squadron 42
Letter from the chairman https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19848-Letter-From-The-Chairman
Alpha 3.22 https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19565-Star-Citizen-Alpha-322-Wrecks-To-Riches
Alpha 3.21 https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/19477-Star-Citizen-Alpha-321-Mission-Ready
CitizenCon October 21st and 22nd https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKWa4WoTkV4&list=PLVct2QDhDrB15f0diWl9YaDmL4Je1BkX3
Welcome Back, Pilot! https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/18359-Welcome-Back-Pilot
STAR CITIZEN & SQUADRON 42 EXPLAINED
There are two components to Cloud Imperium Games' (CIG) project. Star Citizen is the MMO component, a first-person experience in a simulated 30th-century universe. Squadron 42 is the single-player component, a story-driven campaign where you enlist as a UEE Navy combat pilot. Our current understanding is you will be given the option of having your Squadron 42 character, who musters out of the Navy at the conclusion of the campaign, carry over into the Star Citizen persistent universe, taking with them the reputation and relationships they've built with NPC entities.
[Customers interested the Squadron 42 standalone only] If you only want the single-player campaign, after creating your account (next section) you can buy the Squadron 42 standalone here. You need only wait for the game to be released and become available for download. But take note that when you buy Squadron 42 you also get immediate access to Arena Commander, the online dogfighting module, and Star Marine, the online first-person shooter.
Squadron 42: I Held The Line https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDtjzLzs7V8
UNDERSTANDING THE PLEDGE STORE
There are a couple of points I want to make about recognizing what comes with a package. First, game packages may include only Star Citizen, only Squadron 42, or both games. Look at the package's contents for "Star Citizen Digital Download" and/or "Squadron 42 Digital Download." I will show you an easy way to add Squadron 42 to a Star Citizen-only package during the checkout process.The second point of interest concerns ship insurance (also found in the package's contents). Ship insurance covers the ship's hull and factory stock equipment in the event of complete loss. As a part of promotional offers, ships are sometimes sold with lifetime insurance (commonly referred to as LTI), but there are tricks to get LTI on almost any ship and many people will advise you to take advantage of them (often at a cost of $20-$35 USD = Token LTI ). To properly assess of the "value" of lifetime insurance, you should know a few things.
guide https://robertsspaceindustries.com/comm-link/transmission/18381-New-Player-Guide-Star-Citizen

...incomplete thought. Hello fellow writers! I think some of the writing advice I hear most often is, ‘read to become a better writer’. This advice, while sound, is also vague and misleading. The complete advice should be, “Reading the work of great writers will make you a better writer.” Reading subpar writing won't allow you to be great just as someone aspiring be a master painter could not do so if he or she only studied the sketches of novices. Whatever you read has to be better than what you are able to write for this advice to hold true. While you can learn SOMETHING from average writers, you won't become great by reading their works. The approach I take is to let myself feel intimidated by starting (and finishing) with the pros. They don't have to be classics, if you aren't into classics, but seek out writers who are masters in their craft.
If you want to write better romance, read Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice or Nicholas Sparks’s The Notebook (yes the movie The Notebook was first a book!). If you want to write better horror, read Steven King. Sci fi, Ray Bradbury. Etc etc. These are just a few examples of authors/books you could read to improve your writing.
It matters what you read and it matters that you consistently practice employing the skills you learn from reading other's work into your own. Don't be discouraged by feelings of intimidation or self-doubt; instead, allow them to fuel your determination to improve. Remember, there will always be writers who excel beyond your current abilities, just as there will be those who have yet to reach your level of skill. Comparing yourself to others is a distraction that is not only unproductive but is also counterproductive. One who believes they are so superior will likely fail to work as hard and will never achieve their full potential, just as one who obsesses over their inferiority might feel too intimidated or worthless to trek onwards.
My advice is look over you're neighbor's shoulders and learn from them, don't beat yourself up or pat yourself on the back despite your current skill level in comparison. Additionally, put your efforts into learning from the mistakes and successes of others, and use that knowledge to refine your craft.
One last tip I think is essential: Be cautious of writing advice. People might say to you, "you can't have a main character who is a jerk (A Man Named Otto, very successful movie). You can't write a story where the villain is the POV character (Death Note -its a story even if its not a novel-). You can't write fiction because fiction doesn't matter (every great fiction author ever who helped change the world such as How to Kill a Mockingbird)," etc etc. People give bad advice all the time; you need to pay attention to what they are saying and make sure it is right for you and your story. TBH I'm mainly talking about reddit. If an oxford professor tells you something, maybe don't take it with a grain of salt (although professionals like Oxford Professors CAN be wrong at times. For example, when someone first pitched Spider Man, he got turned down. Later, it became incredibly beloved and popular. If he had given up when he got turned down the first time, we wouldn't have Spider Man around today).
Happy Writing.

Hi, I broke up with my partner of several years about a week ago. I regret it and desperately want to try to work on things in the relationship. They were supportive during the breakup but agreed we should take some time before trying to be friends, but I really really want to message them and discuss all of this.
Background I guess… I have always been VERY avoidant and found myself dating this person and we worked through SO much together for both of us. We had so many conversations about choosing love and each other and I have never felt more fulfilled . They are obsessed with me (in a good way) and we both have full lives and are very happy overall. Of course some small things but really happy.
Over the past few months I started to become paranoid I was secretly unhappy, secretly have lost feelings, questioning if I wanted to break up, so many things. I didn’t share with my partner because I felt like it would scare them or make them feel insecure to hear me say this kind of thing, but now I know this was a mistake.
Long story short, my friends all told me if I was having this many doubts that’s a sign. My therapist said maybe if I am trying to heal my anxious attachment I needed some time from a relationship that was clearly triggering me. Online said “if you’re asking yourself the question if you should break up, you should.” Etc etc.
And now I broke up with them and regret it. Having the space has given me the clarity that I did not want to break up, I just really really felt alone because I was having these thoughts which made me feel crazy.
Does anyone have any advice about how to explain this in a way that doesn’t sound BS? I really want to commit to working on things with them, and get professional help together, etc. it’s only been a week but I really feel like I want to try to reconnect. Any support or advice is appreciated 💚

This reddit has been a treasure trove of information and support. We have seen many stories of other families who are enduring a hard, long few months with a reflux baby. Thank you for helping us feel less crazy and like others understand.
In our experience, we found there isn't a lot of helpful information about how to help a baby going through reflux and how to know if your baby might have reflux. So, we wanted to share our experience in hopes that you will feel less alone and maybe encouraged too!
If you want the story, here it is! If not, skip to the bottom section.
Feeding has been a difficult journey since our daughter was born. She lost over 10% of her weight in 2 days (I am told that is normal for breastfed babies). So, the lactation consultants encouraged me to begin pumping after every feed to increase supply, or 12 times a day. I did this for 4 weeks. While my supply eventually came in, feeding continued to be immensely difficult. After 7 lactation appointments and multiple appointments with the pediatrician, we were greatly discouraged. By the time our daughter was 8 weeks old, she would scream every feed and feeds would take close to two hours. Even giving her a bottle of breastmilk would take more than an hour for her to finish. I was ready to throw in the towel on breastfeeding because I was devastated at how difficult it was. Our daughter would scream and cry more than 10 hours a day. It was awful. I also experienced lots of nipple pain around this time, which added to the frustration.
When our daughter was 8 weeks old, our pediatrician referred us to an Occupational Therapist thinking her suck reflex might have issues. We had a 3 hour appointment with the Occupational Therapist who assessed that she did have some issues with tongue positioning when swallowing and a shallow latch, but her assessment was that reflux was the biggest problem our daughter was facing. We began doing exercises for the latch and tongue issues. Because of the OT's assessment, our doctor prescribed Famotidine for our baby. Now, our baby is almost 12 weeks and is very happy! Breastfeeding is one of her favorite things and is a good experience for us both! She eats in under 30 minutes and most feeds are joyful. There are still hard reflux days where she is unhappy and struggles to latch, but overall it is much better!
Here are the top things we learned:

1. We learned the signs of reflux our LO was experiencing. For her reflux looked like: Clearing her throat, latching then quickly unlatching, throwing her head back, crying as if she was in pain, tons of spit up (even 30 minutes after she ate), and she needed to be burped a lot.
   
2. Our baby developed a fear of reflux which led to a fear of eating. She became defensive during nursing, despite her hunger because she was afraid of acid coming up. She also limited her eating because with reflux she would experience more acid when her stomach was full. So, this was a key reason why our LO fought eating. Knowing she was in pain definitely gave me more grace and patience, but it was so sad to discover that she was afraid to eat.
   
3. We began to choose a baby-led feeding position
   

In the hospital, I was taught the football feeding position and was told to smash her face into the boob so she would latch. Many lactation appointments confirmed this. However, for our reflux baby, this added fear because she would try to pull away but I wouldn’t understand her cue. We learned from the occupational therapist that the baby has to trust that I see her cues of struggle so she can regroup before taking in more milk. This meant, we had to do a breastfeeding position where I was not holding her head and where she could have more freedom to pull away as she needed.
For breastfeeding we did a side-by-side position. Where the baby lays on her side right next to me. This gives her the freedom to pull away as needed. Once we rebuilt trust, I was able to do a cross-cradle position. I still do not hold her head. She can pull away as needed.
We also do this with the bottle. We started with her mostly sitting up, leaned against pillows. When reflux started to bother her, she could pull away and then come back when she was ready.

1. With our LO, we developed a mantra: When it doubt, pull it out

Anytime we think LO is having trouble and might cough/choke, we started pulling off the breast or tilting the bottle to give her a break.
For our LO, choking means more frustration and fear of nursing. I was concerned she wouldn’t latch back on, but I found it is much better to give her a break then to push her.

1. Burping

Our LO needed lot of burping. Here's our signs she needed burped immediately: clearing her throat, anytime she starts wiggling a lot, anytime she is choking or coughing, etc.
We got into the habit of always burping every 10mL of the bottle or 4-5 minutes on the breast. I also burp in between sides.

1. Upright positions make a big difference for our LO

We keep her upright for 20 minutes after a feed so she doesn’t have as much burning acid come up. It’s our way of helping her keep it down.
We had to plan when we'd do tummy time and diaper changes so that our LO wasn't at risk of spit-up (or hiccups). We did it before feeds or after holding upright for a while.

1. We learned to use a pacifier or LO's hand to help her keep the reflux down

For our girl, we found the swallow reflex can be used with a "dry nipple" (finger, pacifier, etc) to get her to continually swallow. This helps the reflux stay down for her! You and I do it all the time to keep stomach nasties from coming back up.

1. Celebrate every minute of baby sleep you get

A well rested baby eats so much better. Our LO was much more patient with us during this difficult work of feeding when she had a good nap. Give yourself grace if all you can do is contact naps.

1. Our experience with Famotidine (Pepcid)

We saw some results immediately.
We saw better results after 5 days
We saw great results after 14 days.
All babies cry. This won't change that. But it's nothing like it was before. Our LO does not throw her head back and most feeds are very positive. She's still fussy in the evening, but that can be normal for all babies.
We think we notice when it wears off, right now we're on a single dose per day. The last feed before her dose, she usually struggles. But that's nothing compared to how it was.

1. Help your Dr. by eliminating all uncertainty that it truly is a reflux problem.

We have a great pediatrician! But how do you know if a patient really does need medication when there might be something less drastic that would solve the problem? It really helped our dr. that we gave her a detailed account of the symptoms and timing of our LO's problems. It also helped that we happened to need to bottle feed our LO in front of the dr and it was terrible! The dr could see for herself what it was. I also cut dairy and regulated caffeine early. This helped our dr. be confident that a reflux medication was the best next step. We haven't added dairy back in yet. Just happy things are better right now.

1. Don't be afraid to advocate for you and your baby.

No one will care about your baby as much as you do. Lactation, pediatrics, OT, every professional has a specific purpose and goal that's aligned with what they know best. But YOU are the kid-expert. Trust your gut. If you think something isn't working or your LO isn't alright, advocate. Lactation will hope for a completely breast-fed baby. Which is a wonderful thing. But what's most important is that your baby is happy and healthy no matter how that happens. Formula, pumped, or breast-fed. Many pediatricians will be concerned with the child's development. We hit our milestones, but it came a huge cost of time with 120 minute feeds each time, and very little sleep. Make sure that ALL medical professionals giving you important advice knows your LO's backstory. We made some mistakes with this... That's another post. Taking good notes helped our occupational therapist spot the problem over time.
And when you try new things, get some sort of timeline of how long to try it before there be improvement. Find out if the medication or technique should work after a week or a month. This will help you manage your expectations when you might be feeling hopeless.

1. Know your milestones

It is normal for certain weeks to be challenging. Knowing our milestones helped us understand the full picture of what our LO was experiencing, not just reflux related. And, it gave us hope that some of the misery wouldn't last forever. Haha.
Non reflux-related breastfeeding lessons

1. Pump-related

I hurt so bad from pumping and I assumed that was normal. I went through weeks of blanched nipples and very significant nipple pain only to discover I wasn't pumping correctly! Make sure to measure your nipples for your flange size. If you are working with a lactation consultant, they can help with this. Also, I learned to check the breast pump manual to learn about the settings. I have now made some adjustments to the settings. Now that I have discovered these things, my nipple pain has gone away.

1. Shame when breastfeeding isn't working

I experienced a lot of shame and guilt when breastfeeding wasn't going well. I thought I was a terrible mom and I felt embarrassed that something that should be natural and easy was a nightmare. That led me down all kinds of destructive thoughts, fearing that I wouldn't be a good mom moving forward because this area was hard. I had to learn to reframe things. I had to start to see that any volume of milk my reflux LO got was a win. I had to discipline myself to not compare myself to other moms who could breastfeed in public for less than 10 minutes while I had to make sure to feed in the car, knowing my LO would take over an hour and cry nonstop. I had to learn that if a feed wasn't going well, it isn't a failure to decide to offer a bottle to help LO fill up more quickly. Honestly, I had to learn to lay aside my expectations and do what worked. And, I had to have my identity not wrapped around breastfeeding and my child's success. Just as my LO struggled in this area, she will struggle with more things in the future. I will be a better mom if I can love her through it without feeling shame for where she is at. Having a supportive, loving husband greatly helped when I wanted to throw in the towel. I also found that talking with my counselor and having a space to remember the truth about my baby (i.e. her struggling to breastfeed is because of the reflux, not because I am a bad mom), greatly helped my mental health and my relationship with my baby.
It is the end of week 11 for us and it has changed dramatically for the better! We are on week 3 of the Famotidine. Our baby smiles all the time and is a joy to be around. I am beginning to like being a mom, which I couldn't imagine 2 weeks ago. People say things get better at week 12 and we didn't believe them. We felt hopeless. For us, it actually did get better. But, we know that isn't everyone's story. Regardless of how long you have been struggling with a reflux baby, it is incredibly hard on the whole family. And, I don't know when it will get better for you. My prayer is that it will get better for you very soon because it sucks and is awful. In the meantime, I hope this post helps in some way or at least helps you know that someone else in the world gets where you are coming from.

Those with transit-related careers, can you answer some questions for me?
TLDR: I'm in a Master's program, conducting a project. I have 3 questions for those who work in public transit! Full project introduction alllll the way at the bottom.
My research question is this: How do public transportation systems contribute to sustaining a community’s culture?

1. How do you see public transit contributing to the sustainment of culture? (Stories, memories, I'd love to hear anything!)
   
2. How do you (If at all) believe public transit plays into civic education? (civic education-- means all the processes that affect people’s beliefs, commitments, capabilities, and actions as members or prospective members of communities)
   
3. Where do you work, and what do you do?
   

Project Background:
Culturally sustaining pedagogies integrate, accept, and incorporate individuals' linguistic and cultural identities, generally set in academia. For this research project, I intend to move this ideology out of the classroom and to a place where people from all backgrounds, languages, and cultures unite: public transportation. My research question is this: How do public transportation systems contribute to sustaining a community’s culture, especially in Chicagoland? Public transportation systems stand as cultural staples around the world. These systems do more than move people from point A to point B; they serve as vital arteries of the cities, reflecting and contributing to urban life's cultural and social fabric. Public transportation is indispensable in educating citizens about their community, cultivating a sense of shared identity, and contributing to the culture.

You guys know what an alpine coaster is? They are like a small roller coaster you find in the mountains. They are also called summer toboggans or mountain coasters and I think there’s some long German compound word they are called in parts of Europe. They are like a roller coaster, but with much smaller one or two person sleds you just sit on instead of multi-person cars you ride in, and instead of being built with like a scaffolding or a framework the tracks are just on the ground, using the elevation of the mountain. Basically it’s a coaster track on the side of a mountain where you ride a sled down.
They are pretty fun. Or at least I used to think so. They are more “personal” than roller coasters and although you get nowhere near the speed on them that you do on a good traditional roller coaster and they can’t do corkscrews or loops or anything like that the openness and simplicity of the ride gives an impression of a much greater speed. You’re just sitting there with nothing but a little plastic sled and the track between you and the ground as it goes zooming by. It’s like the difference between how fast a go-cart feels compared to how fast a sports car feels. You know the sports car goes faster but the open, simpleness of a go-cart feels a different kind of fast. There’s plenty of POV Youtube videos if you want to get the basic idea of what they are.
I used to love alpine coasters. Used to.
My family used to go to Gatlinburg and Pigeon Forge and up and down the Smokey Mountains for vacations when I was a kid and they are common in that area and I’d always rode them every chance I got.
But as with so many things after I grew up and went to college they just became part of my childhood that slipped away. They aren’t exactly common once you get away from the mountains.
Until one cool spring afternoon in 2004. I was in my final year at college and I was driving back to campus in Tennessee after a short visit to my folks in North Carolina. It was only like a 4 or 5 hour drive via the most efficient route and I had no need to be back at campus early so instead of taking the freeway all the way I got off and took part of my trip through the mountains. The scenery was nicer and I admit I liked pushing my Camaro just a little faster than I should through the twisty mountain roads.
Just after lunchtime happened upon one of those little by-the-highway tourist towns deep somewhere in the Smoky Mountains near the Carolina/Tennessee border. Nothing fancy, a gas station/truck stop, a diner, a couple of places selling tourist merch nestled deep in the mountains. I pulled into the gas station. My tank was getting low and I needed to stretch my legs, maybe grab something to eat. It was still early and I only had another couple of hours. I could kill an hour or so and still make it back to campus at a decent hour.
I pulled into the gas station and was filling my tank when I happened to glance across the road and… well I’ll be damned. There it was. “The Blue Ridge Alpine Coaster.” Nestled on the side of the mountain was a building, a mockup of a red barn, where a single railed track that led up into the mountains, where it soon got lost in the greenery. Wooden hand painted standees of cartoon character bears dressed in stereotypical “Hillbilly” getup stood around, some of them holding signs showing the ride hours and ticket costs and other info. I had to admit, as silly as it was, it made me smile.I finished pumping my gas and, well, nostalgia is a helluva thing. I decided then and there I could waste a little time riding an Alpine Coaster again after all these years before getting back on the road.
I parked my car in a corner of the truck stop's parking lot, put my phone in the center console, this being the days before smart phones when people didn’t keep their phones with them 24/7 and I didn’t want my old Nokia brick phone to fall out during the ride, locked my car and walked across the mountain highway to the Alpine Coaster building.
Getting closer, the place was less inviting. The half hearted attempt at a whimsical faux-Americana kitsch was far less effective when it brushed up against the actual decaying, run down wooden building. Hell calling it a building was generous. It was a wood frame holding up a long roof that covered the area where you got on the sleds. The wood boards creaked under my footsteps.
The only real enclosed structure was a shack that held, what I assumed, was a ticket booth. A door on the side had both a single occupancy bathroom with an out of order sign on it. An old Pepsi machine buzzed and glowed next to it.
Still the place looked alive. Ahead of me a bored looking attendant was helping a mother and her young son into one of the sleds while in a bored monotone repeating the safety brief. A few people were waiting in line at the ticket booth. Up in the mountains the playful shouts of people on the ride echoed down. Fond memories of my own childhood rides flooded my mind.10 minutes and 15 dollars later I was settling into the hard plastic seat of a bright red sled sat atop a simple aluminum rail.
I couldn’t help but grin as the sled slowly climbed the track up the mountains, making click-clack ratcheting sounds that hit my nostalgia centers hard. I felt good. The air was cool and crisp and smelled of pine.Higher and higher in the mountains we went. I don’t know if this is my mind trying to make sense of it after the fact but when I remember these moments, the last good moments, I sometimes think I remember a very slight, very subtle pit of fear in my stomach. I honestly don’t know if I felt it at the time or not or it’s just how my mind tries to make sense of it looking back at.
But either way mostly I was enjoying myself. I smiled. I was a kid again. I could hear riders in front of me let out that initial yell of terrified glee you get at the first drop of any good ride.
It peaked. I glanced around. I could see for miles, rolling hills and mountains. I the sled tipped over and zoomed down the mountain and I let out the same happy yell I heard from the other passengers.The ride zoomed down the mountain, catching speed. The mountain forest floor zoomed past, only a few feet under me. Trees zoomed past. I gave out a happy whoop as the ride banked hard around a curve and then looped back under itself.Another dip, another curve. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of the G-forces pulling me every which way.
There was no one exact single moment where things started to go “wrong.” The ride kept going. And going. At this point the first creeping thought entered my head.
The ride… was still going.
It just started to hit me… this ride was going on for a really long time. I had taken a dozen rides on various coasters of this type before that day and they topped out at about 5 minutes or so, and that was the long ones. Longer than a traditional roller coaster but not that long. This one had been going on for what felt like 10, maybe even 15 minutes.
I looked back over my shoulder and could only see trees, moving too fast to really get a bearing on where I was at in relation to anything.
I wasn't exactly really worried yet. Okay so I had found a particularly long alpine coaster. At the time I wasn’t 100% wasn't sure they didn’t exist or anything like that. I was a little… unnerved but nothing was happening that was impossible. Yet.
I was trying to talk myself back into just enjoying the ride and stop overthinking it, and halfway succeeded, when out of nowhere I suddenly banked hard, the track jutting out almost over a sheer cliffside. I gripped the sled more tightly as I was whipped around. The ride then dipped hard and picked up speed, barreling down the side of the mountain.
I was pushed back against the seat by the force of the drop. Jesus I didn’t remember them being this rough. I was feeling slightly nauseous. And where had this elevation drop come from I wondered? I was still in the foothills and I didn’t remember seeing anything but gentle rolling hills and light drops from looking at the ride’s route earlier. How the ride had managed such a long, steep drop in this area I didn’t know. . For the first time I hoped that the ride would be over soon. I had no idea then how much I would want that same hope to be true so much more as time went on.
With a whiplash motion I was whipped forward and then back as the ride leveled out on flat ground again, but by this point I was going fast, too fast. My neck hurt from the mild whiplash and I felt sour in my throat and for a moment the contents of my stomach threatened to come back up. For the first, but hardly the last time the ride felt unsafe. Alpine Coasters are tame affairs, much slower and gentler than full on roller coasters but this thing was throwing me around like no thrill ride I had ever been on.
I looked around. I mean I wasn’t that deep into the woods. I should have been able to see a glimpse of something; the highway, the gas station, the tourist shops, the Alpine Coaster office, something, anything. But nothing. Just trees.
I forced back some panic for the first time. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. The ride zoomed along. I counted to 60. I counted to 60 again. And again. Okay this was getting uncomfortably harder and harder to explain.
Suddenly I noticed that up ahead the track seemed to just end, for one brief, terrible moment I thought the track just ended but I was wrong. Almost without warning the track dipped in an almost vertical drop. I almost screamed as I plummeted for 20, maybe 30 seconds before flattening out again.
By this point the voice in my head that was telling me something was wrong was louder and I could no longer tell myself it was wrong. This ride could not have been this long. I tried to make sense of it, wondering if somehow I had gotten diverted onto some kind of maintenance track or, hell for one brief irrational moment even entertaining the idea that I had wound up on an actual train track somehow. But that was absurd. The rail below me was not a train track, it was still just the simple, aluminum rail of an alpine coaster and there had been no diversions or junctions in the track. I was still on the ride, as insane as that was starting to feel. Had the ride somehow looped? Again after having the thought I immediately dismissed it as crazy. There’s no way I could have missed the ride building where I got on. And what kind of ride loops over and over?
The sled zoomed through the forest, oddly never seeming to lose speed despite the relatively flat grade of the track. I cursed myself for leaving my phone in the car and not wearing a watch. I don’t know exactly how long I had been on the ride at that point but it felt like I had been on the ride for a half hour, maybe more. But time is a funny thing when you’re in a situation you’ve never been in. Could have been more, could have been less, at that point.
My pride finally failed me. I started to scream for help. I screamed out that the ride was broken, to stop it, that I needed help. I did that for about ten minutes or so I think. The ride kept going. Mostly flat, level track with occasional mild dips and turns. But the simple length of the ride grew more and more unnerving and unexplainable.
I thought about just bailing out. But the ride, impossibly, was still not slowing down and chunks of mountain rock and thick tree trunks were all around me. Bailing out without risking smashing into a rock or a tree seemed impossible.
The ride kept going.
Up ahead the forest was clearing out some, I could see the forest brightening, more sunlight making it through the canopy.
I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.
The trees stopped and I had just enough time to take in a flat, open area of rock maybe 40, 50 yards at most before another sheer cliff. The tracks twisted and turned and then shot straight down. But that wasn’t the worst of it. For a moment, a very short moment, I had a clear view for miles and the landscape was, to be blunt, totally impossible. Any possibility that I had just stumbled on some incredibly long ride was blasted out of my head. Barren, volcanic looking rock stretched for miles. Jagged, black rocky outcroppings as far as the eye could see. I was in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. They don’t look like that.
I had a few moments for the terror of that view to settle in before the cart plunged into another horrifying drop. I gripped the handles of the cheap plastic sled until my knuckles turned white. The drop felt completely vertical, like I was falling at terminal velocity. I screamed. My stomach dropped and turned. I imagined the sled coming away from the track and me just plummeting screaming to my death on the rocks below. But somehow the ride still functioned. I closed my eyes tightly and just waited for whatever was going to happen. Eventually after several what felt like a full minute of steep plunging the track again leveled out, and I opened my eyes to see myself moving at breakneck speed over that black, rocky landscape.
Now that I was moving on a more or less flat horizontal track again I took a few deep breaths. I looked over the edge of the track. Nothing but that black, jagged rock, almost looking like obsidian, zooming past. I had no idea how fast the sled was moving now. Fast. Faster than a gravity powered sled should be moving. And the track was higher off the ground now. Alpine slides usually stick pretty close to the ground, but I was 20 feet or so in the air, the track suspended in the air, a simple metal tube tower like a power pylon every few yards.
Without any immediate threat and the sled moving fast but steadily and level I was able to think about my situation again, for all the good that did me. Ahead of me the track just continued to the horizon, nothing but the same rocky landscape as far as I could see. I craned my neck to look back over my shoulder and looked back behind me and it looked the same. Even the mountains were but distant specs on the horizon behind me.
This was insane. There’s not a giant seemingly endless field of black jagged rock in the goddamn Smoky Mountains. There’s no cliff faces tall and steep enough for a multi-minute vertical drop. And alpine coasters were small affairs, not major engineering projects that span miles with pylons and vertical tracks. It made no sense.
Sadly it wasn’t going to start making any more sense anytime soon.
The ride kept going.
I was on this rocky landscape for several hours. I feel comfortable saying this because I could actually notice the sun getting lower in the sky. And the sled wasn’t slowing down despite the grade of the track being flat. I was getting cramped from sitting and stretched my legs and twisted my back as best I could. Didn’t do much help. My eyes were starting to get irritated from the constant wind in them. Worst of all it was starting to get chilly. I only had on a light jacket, a windbreaker, just something to keep the breeze off me, no real insulation. I was cold, my joints were stiff, I was hungry and thirsty. My eyes watered and my throat was so dry it was sore.
But none of that was as bad as just how little sense this all made. There’s nothing like this place anywhere near the Smoky Mountains. This was like some volcanic rock landscape. The more I thought about it the less sense it made.
The ride kept going.
My mind didn’t even try to process this. Whatever I was experiencing simply couldn’t be possible. I was crazy. I was dreaming. The CIA had kidnapped me and dosed me with some new version of LSD and I was in a straightjacket in a padded room at Area 51.
The sled kept zooming along as the sky turned to dusk. Soon the bridge disappeared from my view and I continued on along the endless, rocky, featureless landscape.
I sat back against the sled, mentally and physically numb. I was exhausted. I was thirsty. I was cramping up. I was hungry. I had to pee. I held it for as long as I could, then had no choice but just wet myself. I cried until I had no more tears left. Then I just sat there.
The ride kept going.
By the time the sun dipped below the horizon my throat felt like sandpaper. I dug around in my jacket pockets hoping to find a stick of gum or piece of candy. Nothing. I checked again, having nothing else to do. Under a crumpled store receipt in the inner pocket of my jacket was a single old, forgotten cough drop. I unwrapped it from the paper and popped it in my mouth. Saliva flooded back into my mouth and I was overwhelmed by the methanol and medicine taste. It was something at least, although I knew it would be a brief and temporary fix at best.
I felt my eyes get heavy. It was getting colder. That mountain cold. That deep cold the mountains have even into the early spring when the sun goes down. That kind that just pulls the heat right out of you. I shivered. A terrible, horrible certainty came to me. I would ride until I passed out from exhaustion or the hypothermia set in. My body would tumble off the sled to fall and skip across the rocky ground like a stone skipping across a lake, my bones breaking as I tumbled until my body finally came to a stop. If I was lucky I would be killed and not have to lie for days, broken and bruised, on the ground until death took me.
The ride kept going. The ride kept going. The fucking ride kept going.
“Fuck you” I said to the ride, my voice a horse whisper. I pulled my jacket closer around me, for all the good it did. The cold wind was slowly but surely pulling my body heat away. My shivering got worse, crossing the line from a simple normal shiver into those deep, almost violent full body ones.. I wasn’t anything you could call an experienced outdoorsman, but I knew enough to know that wasn’t a good sign.
It was getting dark. There was a full moon at least so I wasn’t totally in the dark.
About then I noticed something. The landscape, what little I could see in the fading light, was changing. It was smoothing out, becoming less rocky and craggy. Up ahead an odd, shimmering light was starting to appear on the ground.
I was over it before I even realized what it was. The tracks were going over a smooth surface.
Water. It was a lake. The odd lights I had seen were the moon, reflected in ripples on the lake.
Within minutes I was out of the view of the land. After the nearly endless rocky landscape and everything else I had seen, it scared me how little I was shocked. I didn’t like how mentally numb I was getting. I leaned over. There was enough moonlight to see the water, 15 or 20 feet below the track. The pylons holding up the track went into the water, the light wasn’t good enough to even make a guess at how far they went down or how deep the water was.I leaned back in the sled. My eyes were red and bloodshot from the constant wind. I closed them. This was a mistake.I jerked awake. I don’t know if I dozed off for a split second or an hour. My weight had shifted and I caught myself as my center of gravity was in danger of sending me off the sled and into the water.
I screamed in anger. A deep primal scream. I hurt so bad. My joints felt like they were full of glass. My limbs were full of pins and needles. I glanced over at the water. For the first time on the very edges of my brain a tiny voice started to speak up, telling me that I could be all over if I just jumped. I shut the voice up, but it scared me still.
I sat there as the ride went on. It felt like hours. Eventually the lake ended in a rocky shore line. The damned ride. There was no safe place to bail out. If the ride slowed down, it was high in the air, if it moved toward the ground it sped up. Sharp rocks, big trees, nothing you could safely bail out into.
I kept having to force myself awake. I kept dozing off. Once I felt myself falling asleep and drove a vicious uppercut into my own nose to stave it off.
I seriously started to think about how much longer I could hang on. The voice came back again. This time I didn’t shut it up. I wasn’t admitting it to myself yet, but I was starting to think about the best way to land that would end it quickly if I needed to.
Something was ahead. The track seemed to dip into the ground. I was too tired, too beaten to even get scared. I was just resigned to whatever happened at this point.
With little warning the track took my sled into a tunnel in the ground. Everything went completely pitch black. After several moments even the dim moonlight was gone.
This was the worst part. The creepy forest, the immense rocky landscape, the eerie lake… those were bad. But this was just nothing. Nothing to look at, nothing to hear, nothing for reference or sense of where I was going. The walls of the tunnel felt like they were inches from me in every direction. The air felt thick, like there wasn’t enough oxygen.
With every moment I was in that tunnel I lost a little more hope. After a long, long time I made a decision. When I got out of this tunnel, I would jump. I didn’t care anymore. Hopefully there would be a spot where I could be certain the fall would instantly kill me. I was done. The ride had beaten me. I sat there, waiting for a chance to end this on my terms. That was all I had left.
Eventually up ahead, a tiny speck of light appeared. I gathered my strength, ready to end it. I sat up, getting my legs under me so I could jump as soon as we were clear. The sled burst out of the tunnel. The dim light of the full moon was enough to be momentarily blinding after the pitch black of the tunnel.. I gave my eyes a moment to adjust.
I was back in a normal looking Appalachian forest. Rolling hills, green trees. The air smelled of pine again. I heard an owl hoot off somewhere.
Slowly I lowered myself back into a setting position, in shock. At first I refused to believe it but the ride was slowing down. I held still, making sure my mind wasn’t playing tricks on me, but no, the cheap plastic sled that had been my world for what felt like an eternity was slowing down.
Up ahead, a structure was visible, peeking out from among the trees in the dim lighting as the sled moved down the track.
It was the Alpine Slide building. The crappy fake red barn where I had boarded this cursed ride so long ago. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, sure it was either my mind or the cursed ride playing tricks with me. But the building stayed there.
It grew closer and closer. The track leveled completely out. The sled slowed down more. Before I had the time to really come to terms with it I arrived back at the building.
The sled slowed to a stop, gently pumping against another sled parked on the track. I sat there for a few moments, gasping in great big gulping fear breaths, trying to assure myself the ride didn’t have one last trick of its sleeve.
I looked around. The place was empty, deserted. The overhead lights were still on and the old Pepsi machine still glowed and buzzed, but the ticket booth was dark and empty, a metal gate pulled down over the ticket window.
Suddenly it hit me that I was free and I practically leapt out of the sled and onto the platform. I immediately collapsed. My legs were jelly and my head was spinning. I tried to stand up again and doubled over, dry heaving. Have you ever been out on a boat for a day and have that weird reverse motion sickness when you’re back on solid land? It was like that times a hundred. My inner ear was literally pounding, all the motion had really done a number on it.
I laid there for a few moments and eventually forced myself to stand up on my two wobbling legs. I looked around, a horrible certainty creeping into my mind that there would be no exit, no way off the platform but to my relief an exit turnstyle, one of those full height ones, was set into the fence that surrounded the ride property.
I went through it and found myself back on the main road. The truckstop was still there, still open but far less busy. My car sat in the same corner of the parking lot I had left it.
I allowed myself one look back, just one quick one. The metal skeleton of the Alpine Slide track sat there, dark and quiet but otherwise normal.
I stumbled-ran back to my car, dug the keys out of my pocket, and collapsed inside. When the door shut I let out a primal scream, the tons of fear and confusion and anger all fusing into a single, raw emotion. I screamed again and again.
After a few moments I felt like I was emotionally at least back to a place where I could act, although I wasn’t sure yet what to do next. Not really knowing what to do I cranked the car. The A/C had been on low when I shut off the car and it came roaring back to life and cold air blowing on me almost sent me back into a full on panic attack. I fumbled with the climate controls until the air stopped blowing directly on me, then calmed down enough to turn the heat on, helping to get the chill out of my bones. There was a half full bottle of water in the center console cup holder and I grabbed it and chugged it. Nothing ever tasted as good before or sense as that few ounces of water.
That was when I noticed the clock on the radio head unit. It was 4:17 in the morning. It had been about one, one thirty or so in the afternoon when I got on the accursed ride.
Over 15 hours. I had been on the goddamn ride for over 15 hours. Over half a day.
I just sat there. Warming up. Calming down. I was exhausted. I was dehydrated. I can’t even describe how my head felt. I probably had at least a minor case of hypothermia. I thought about going into the gas station and asking for help but what would I even say, and more than anything I just wanted to get away from this place. And I just wanted to get away. I wanted to be nowhere near that damn ride.
I put the Camaro in gear and pulled into the street and in panic I immediately slammed on the brakes. I was lucky there was no traffic on the road at that moment. The feeling of accelerating to just normal surface street speeds made me sick to my stomach. I gathered myself and very slowly accelerated the car I usually treated with a very heavy foot up to 30 miles an hour. Every time I tried to accelerate at a pace faster than “Old Lady Going to Church, Uphill” I would have a panic attack. I was okay once I was up to speed, but accelerating freaked me out after being on that ride.
I drove about 30 minutes, putting some arbitrary amount of distance between myself and the coaster. Eventually I made it back to where the twisty mountain road met back up with a major road that would eventually meet back up with the highway. After a few more minutes of driving I saw the onramp for the highway. There was one of those big truckstop travel plazas and pulled in, parking right up at the door. I smelled like pee and I can only imagine how I looked, but I didn’t care.
I kept a couple of emergency 20s in the back of my wallet and spent it on the biggest bottle of water the store had, an overpriced bottle of eye drops, and a huge travel mug of coffee. The clerk looked at me as if he was expecting me to either drop dead or rob him the entire time.
Back in my car I downed the coffee. I put a few eye drops in each of my eyes and sat there as the caffeine took effect until I felt like I could make it back to my apartment. The sun was just coming up when I finally pulled out of the truck stop and got on the freeway. I slowly, very slowly, accelerated up to highway speed, put the Camaro in cruise control, and let the miles start to drift away. I turned on the radio, I needed to hear human voices. Every time my mind went back to what had just happened I turned the radio up louder, eventually drowning it out with painful levels of rock music. I wasn’t ready to think about it yet. Yes looking back I know I was just in denial. I finally made it back to the crappy little apartment I had off campus, a little two story walk up studio. I let myself in and collapsed on the cheap couch. I was asleep before I even had the time to decide whether or not to do anything else. I woke up later that afternoon. I took a shower and ate a meal and didn’t think about the ride. I washed the pee stained filthy clothes I had been wearing and didn’t think about the ride. I went back to class and didn’t think about the ride. Every time I thought about the ride I forced it out of my head. I’m sure this wasn’t the most mentally healthy thing to do but what can you say?
I didn’t forget about it, don’t be silly. This isn’t the kind of thing you forget. One day while looking up something else in the university’s library my curiosity got the better of me and I looked up the Alpine Slide. No website but a few Google Map and Yelp mentions. None of them mentioned anything weird, certainly nothing even remotely like what I experienced. Near as I can tell it closed sometimes in the winter of 2012.
Life went on. I mean, that’s what it does. The next day was a little better. And the day after that a little better. And the day after that a little better still. I met a nice girl. Graduated. Got married. Got a nice house in the suburbs. Got a dog. Had a daughter. Spent a lot of time happy and not thinking about being trapped on an endless alpine coaster.And that was my life for many, many years after that.
Until a few weeks back when as a very different person I found myself driving a boring and safe mid sized family SUV through those same mountains. My wife Carol, 5 months pregnant, sat in the passenger seat, our 6 year old daughter Emily in a booster seat in the back, and Max our mixed breed mutt next to her. It had been a nice pleasant trip, driving back from visiting her folks.
I hadn’t thought about that fucking ride in so long I barely registered that I was in the same general area until it was too late. Suddenly I realized that little mountain tourist trap town was only a few minutes down the road. I swallowed hard and gripped the steering wheel hard. Carol was looking out the window at the scenery and Emily was deep into some kid’s Youtube video on an iPad. I forced myself to keep my breath steady as we rounded the corner.The town was still there, sorta. Time had not been kind to it. The gas station was still there, at some point it had been bought out by Shell. The tourist trap shops were still there. One of them was now a vape shop. The diner was closed, the building looking like it sat unused for a long time.
But of course that’s not what I cared about. A looked over at the site where the Alpine Coaster once stood. It was gone. The kitschy fake barn was gone. The site was just a bare concrete slab with a chainlink fence around it. Faded “no trespassing” and “for sale” signs hung off the fence. A pile of old, decaying lumber that might have once long ago been part of the structure covered part of the old lot. No sign of the track remained outside of some old concrete support posts dotting the side of the mountain.
I exhaled out a breath I hadn’t even realized I had been holding in. Soon the little town disappeared in my rear view mirror.
About a half hour later we stopped for gas. I pulled up to a gas pump across from a massive motorhome. Max stuck his head out the window and started barking at a little white dog, a toy breed of some kind, in the window of the motorhome. Carol and Emily immediately headed into the store to restock on snacks while I fueled up.
I stood there, a half smile on my lips as Max barked and wagged his tail in an attempt to attract the attention of the other dog while I filled up the tank, said dog doing an admirable job of ignoring him.
Right about the time I finished fueling up and cleaning the bugs off the windshield Carol returned from inside the store, Emily in tow, arms filled with two full sized bags of Salt and Vinegar Potato Chips and what looked to be a half dozen individually wrapped pickles.
I raised an eyebrow at the collection of food but knew better than to question a pregnant woman's snack choices.
“Should we take Max for a quick walk?” Carol asked. The travel plaza had a nice little gated dog walking area off to the side.
“Yeah probably not a bad idea, he’s been cooped up in the car for a few hours.” I said. Max, upon hearing his name and the word “walk” , forgot about the other dog and upgraded from wagging his tail to wagging his entire body while making whining sounds and staring right at me.
About this time I became half aware that the big motor home next to us was pulling away. I didn’t think much of it, outside of doing a quick automatic mental check to make sure Emily was well clear of the moving vehicle, but she was safely between me and our SUV, well out of the way.
But that was when Emily looked behind me and cheerfully yelled “Daddy look a roller coaster! Can I ride the coaster?”
It’s cliche as fuck I know but my blood went cold.
I turned around slowly, certain in my knowledge that terrible old decrepit Alpine Coaster would be there, having just popped into existence to trap me again.
That.. is not what I saw. Sure enough there was a coaster there, one I hadn’t noticed earlier because it had mostly been blocked by the motor home, but there it was. It was even an Alpine Coaster.
But it was not the same coaster I had encountered those years ago. That was immediately obvious. It was a small but modern and newish looking setup with neon lights and a bunch of people. There was an actual building where you bought tickets and a little snack stand.
“Daddy! Can we go on the coaster!” Emily asked again.
My mouth made motions but no words came out. I glanced over at Carol, hoping she’d say we didn’t have time but to my horror she smiled and said “You know what? That does sound like fun. Daddy will take you while I take Max for a walk.”
My mind raced, trying to think of a way to get out of it. But Emily was already dragging me across the parking lot to the entrance.
I patted my pocket, making sure my phone was in it. Every fiber of my being was screaming to run away. I slept walked through the line and the ticket booth while Emily bounced happily.
We got into a two seat plastic sled. This one was actually a lot nicer than the one my mind wouldn’t stop thinking about. It had two nice cushioned seats, big grab handles, even a nice rollbar.
The sled started up the track. I fought back the panic. I swerved my head around, keeping the building in my view. I was terrified of losing sight of it. We made it to the top and Emily did a happy squeal as we started down the side of the mountain.
My heart raced. Any second, any second my mind told me we’d lose sight of the building and then the ride would never end. The ride sped down the mountain. My mind tortured me with thoughts of not only going through it again, but seeing Emily go through it. The ride went around a big, banking turn. Emily kept shouting happily. How long before Carol reported us missing I wondered? Could I keep Emily calm? What if it lasted even longer this time? What if this time it never ended?
And then we were back at the start of the ride. The same attendant who had helped us into the sled was helping Emily out. I stepped out. The attendant gave me a brief look but said nothing. I guess I looked a little wild eyed.
I was fine. Emily was fine. It had been a perfectly normal, fun ride.
“That was fun Daddy! Thank you!” Emily said. I forced a smile back. “It was fun.” I responded, hoping like I sounded like I meant it.
I took Emily’s hand and we walked back to the car. Max saw us coming and barked happily. Carol looked up from the pint of Ben and Jerry’s she had somehow acquired and added to her snack collection while we were gone and smiled at us.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
“It was so fun Mommy!” Emily said.
Carol smiled down at her, but then looked at me and frowned. “Are you okay?” Carol could read my face a lot better than the attendant could. “You’re pale.”
I smiled and this time the smile felt real. “Ya know what. Yeah, I think I am okay.”
Carol looked a little puzzled, but didn’t press it. We loaded Emily back in her booster seat, stopped Max from trying desperately to eat half a discarded gas station hot dog off the ground and got him back in the car. Carol and her small collection of snack food took her place in the passenger seat and I got in the driver's seat.I smiled. I cranked the car. I put it in gear. I pulled out of the gas station and back on the road, this time accelerating just a little faster than I had in years.

Obviously, MAJOR spoilers ahead.
Hi all! My group just finished playing through Spelljammer Academy and then straight into Light of Xaryxis, and while it was a great experience overall and my players had a lot of fun, I have some bones to pick with LoX specifically. Disclaimers: I'm not a super experienced DM (I've run a couple one shots and Tomb of Annihilation before this) and I tend to kind of fly by the seat of my pants and lean heavily on the Rule of Cool. Also, I know I'm not the first one to complain about LoX or rewrite portions of it, this is just what worked for me, maybe it will help someone else. Feel free to ask any questions.
So, my group and I decided on a spelljammer campaign- the vibes sounded cool and it was a big tone shift from the campaign we had just finished so I was excited to have some lighthearted fun in space. Fast forward to us getting a third of the way through Light of Xaryxis and me realizing that this adventure makes no fucking sense.
My issues with the story as written and how I fixed them:

1. Too many NPCs. My players couldn't keep them all straight and honestly a lot of them are not necessary to the plot. If they weren't necessary for the story, I just omitted them completely. It's easy enough to just use a couple main NPCs for most roles.
2. Most of the chapters end in cliffhangers, which sounds fun in theory, but in practice is just annoying, especially when it turns out to be a fake-out. I let go of the idea of these cliffhangers early on and just let the sessions end whenever felt natural.
3. I think this adventure leans a bit too heavily on whatever the writers think will be fun to put the players through, while not considering what players are most likely to actually do. One example of this is in Chapter 3, when players arrive at Aruun. The adventure wants your players to land on the planet and pick up Blastimoff, who is being chased by Artuuks a la Jack Sparrow and the cannibals. However, considering Aruun is a dangerous jungle planet home to rampaging Tarrasques, my players understandably refused to land there. Also, wtf was Blastimoff doing on this moon? "Peaceful entreaty" to the Artuuks? He's been attempting to form a coalition for how long and only just now got around to trying to talk to them?
4. The whole second half of the adventure doesn't make any sense. The Xedalli vs Xeleth plot is boring. Why does it matter who gets the crown if the player's world is going to die either way? Why are the only outcomes of this adventure "save your planet and genocide an entire civilization" or "let the Xaryxians live and genocide your own planet"? Like, that sucks. And what the HELL is up with that Zodar battle? I got so annoyed, I just rewrote the entire plot to be as follows:

the Xaryxians plant astral seeds on Toril to harvest the planet’s energy in order to feed their own dying star. Up until now, they have only harvested uninhabited planets, but because Xeleth and Xedalli want more power for themselves, they have decided to target a living world.
The prince and princess want more than just a thriving star for their people, they want power for themselves. They create two starlight rings that divert a portion of the harvested energy into themselves, effectively making themselves immortal.
The twins were meant to rule together and share the power, but Xeleth betrays Xedalli. He frames her for treason and she is banished from xaryxispace, so that he may be crowned instead. Xeleth believes that he destroyed Xedalli’s ring, but it was only a clever copy. Xedalli still has her own starlight ring, which Xeleth will eventually realize.
When the characters find Xedalli aboard the Last Breath, she will play the victim and will use the party to get back to Xaryxis and hopefully kill her brother. She claims:

• The Xaryxian empire drew on their own star to supplement their magic, and it eventually started to dim. They harvest other planet’s energy to keep Xaryxis alive. (true)
• Her evil brother Xeleth orchestrated the attack on Toril even though the elves usually harvest uninhabited planets (true, kind of- they were in on it together)
• Xeleth commanded her to be dropped on Toril so that she would be destroyed by the astral blight but the ship was boarded by vampirates and she was captured (true)
• She wants vengeance (true) and will do her best to save toril if the characters help her become empress (false)
• the only way to stop the energy harvest is by destroying the energy harvesting device at the top of the temple of light on the Citadel, which orbits Xaryxis (false- the device is just a decoy at this point, the set of rings belonging to the twins are the real harvesting devices)

This sets up Xedalli as a wolf-in-sheep's-clothing ally to the party, and they agreed to help her, believing that she could set the Xaryxian Empire back on a peaceful path and save their planet. I also think there's nothing more fun than a good final act NPC betrayal, and this worked out pretty well.
This is how it ended up playing out:
characters arrive in doomspace to search for the coalition.
They find Warwyck Blastimoff, who has not been able to form a coalition. the factions in doomspace don’t see the empire as a threat.
Characters seek out Vocath to convince the factions to join together. He wants them to fight in an arena in exchange for an audience with all the factions.
At the end of the fight, three Xaryxian star moths attack and try to kidnap Xedalli. The factions must all fight together to survive and win the battle. Xedalli is not captured. With that, the factions can be convinced that the empire is a threat. Whatever factions can be convinced, will join the coalition and lend their ships to the fleet. Note- I did not have prince Xeleth present for this fight, only a representative of the Empire.
The players plan an attack on the Citadel. NPCs from earlier in the adventure travel out to join the fight if informed. The fleet takes on Xaryxis’ forces while PC’s ship infiltrates their defences using Gargenhale's invisibility spell and reaches the Temple of Light.
Xedalli and PCs battle Xeleth at the Temple of Light and attempt to destroy the harvesting device (which, unbeknownst to anyone, is pretty much inert and breaking it does nothing), while the coalition fleet battles the Xaryxian forces outside. In the temple, a projection of Toril shows the planet dying in real time, crystal vines choking the surface and motes of energy concentrating in a beam toward Xaryxis. The climactic moment: Xeleth lays dying, a final blow is dealt to the device, and… nothing happens. The vines still grow and energy motes still gather. PCs turn to see Xedalli taking the twin Ring of Shooting Stars from Xeleth’s finger, and she performs a fusion spell that turns two rings into one, concentrating the diverted energy into herself, healing herself to full, surrounding herself with motes of Toril’s energy. And then I wrote a whole evil monologue revealing that this was her plan all along.
Phase 2 boss fight with powered-up Xedalli! My players have a crazy ability to blow through 'deadly' combat encounters with ease, so I gave Xedalli some extra powers, including hp replenishing at the start of every turn from her ring. The party can only kill her and save their planet by destroying her fused ring. Once they do, the crystal vines on Toril wither and die.
This leaves the Xaryxian Empire intact but without leadership, and players can convince the priests or whoever else has some authority to go back to their more peaceful methods and never again try to harvest a living planet.
And that's the adventure! Is this doing too much? Probably. Is there a less complicated way to fix the issues? I'm sure. But it was still a lot of fun for me and my players.
A note on the segue from Spelljammer Academy to Light of Xaryxis: as written, the adventures don't connect well. What I did was change the villain of Spelljammer Academy to be Hastain the reigar. While hiding behind his noble title on the Rock of Braal, Hastain had been working with the Xaryxian Empire to sabotage the Academy in preparation of the Empire's attack on Toril. I planted clues that led to Hastain being behind it all, and that way my party had someone to focus on chasing down in the first half of LoX. Of course, this did mean that we veered majorly off course and spent more than a couple sessions on Braal, as my party wanted to not only break into his house, but discredit him, embarrass him, and eventually kill him. It was worth it though, it was very funny and gave them a good way to uncover the Xaryxian Empire's plot.

Prompt: The Variants of Vampires. Think of an alternative vampire that survives on something other than blood. Write a story or scene based on this character.
As the sun faded over the horizon, Vlad’s eyes opened slowly. A sigh escaped his cold lips, and he stretched his long legs onto the red velvet lining of his coffin. Another day has come. He thought sadly, as he had everyday for last 206 years.
He checked his timepiece in the left chest pocket of his silk pajamas, 8:36 p.m. Thankful for the spring sun that set earlier than it would in the coming months, he pushed on the heavy hardwood lid of his resting place. With a creak the wood swung open, landing heavily to the side. While a modern coffin would no doubt be lighter, and easier to open every evening, this one was sentimental to him. As he had been buried in this exact coffin 206 years ago, at 35 years old.
With a heavy sigh, Vlad rose and climbed onto the step that sat beside his coffin. His stomach rumbled, and he knew he had no choice but to venture to the kitchen of his estate home. With his head hung low, he began to undress.
You see, Vlad was not like other vampires. His long life was full of loneliness, even for one who was undead. When he had first been turned by his Maker he was optimistic, excited even, for the wonders of the world he would be able to see. With no time limit, no fear of death, and an infinite supply of food walking the earth- the possibilities stretched before him like the vastness of the night sky.
However, Vlad was unable to satiate the hunger that filled him, that turned him into a ravenous beast, night after night. The mere thought of blood churned his stomach, much to his Maker’s chagrin.
Isabel was her name. Even the thought of her filled him with longing. Her had loved her once, and she him, until they learned the truth: Vlad could not be sustained by blood, but one of the things that all Vampires feared: Garlic. Of all things. The thought still flooded him with embarrassment, even after more than two centuries of living as a Vampire.
He climbed the steps from his dirt cellar, whose entrance lay hidden behind a false door that led into the Master bedroom of his estate. He lifted the heavy wooden lever that would propel the door open to his closet. The clever vault disguised by many shelves of his expensive leather shoes. He kept an armoire near his coffin for convenience, as sometimes he awoke before the sun had set. A terrible habit he picked up 50 years prior.
He wound his way from the closet into the room, down the long hallway, and the curved staircase to the first floor. His heavy footsteps echoed eerily in his quiet manse, as his staff had already left at the end of their workday, thinking that he was abroad on business. A ruse which was quickly growing thin. Soon I shall have to replace my staff again, how much easier this dreary life would be if I could simply drink from them. He mused.
Vlad had no excitement for the night, as even the mere smell of his skin repulsed those of his kind. He was unable to rejoin his coven, the one that he had briefly reveled in. Expensive goblets of crisp red blood he could not drink, dances and guests from around the globe each night, the women with their necks adorned with jewels, some thought long lost to the mortals of the world, but safely stashed in the secret rooms of the elites of the Vampire world. The men in their black tuxedos, fashionable hairstyles and long white teeth often exposed in laughter. His tenure in his coven had been short, merely days, but it had been a lifestyle he mourned. He and Isabel had tried to make things work… But this train of thought was far too painful, and his stomach panged once again, so he quickened his steps and focused once again on his coming meal.
He made his way into the back kitchen, not the formal kitchen he would have likely entertained Isabel in (if he was a “normal” Vampire), but into the staff kitchen where the fridges were, and food was prepared and stored. Rows and rows of dried garlic bundles hung from the exposed wooden beams, all harvested from the garden on the grounds.
Vlad once again rued his life, as he wished the preparation of his meal didn’t fall to him each night. But he reached up and took down a bundle, released a corm from its tight knot, and sat at the stool at the quartz countertop, grabbing for one of his Japanese Damascus knives that made his task of slicing his garlic head easy.
Briefly inspired, Vlad decided a garlic comfit would be nice, and he got to work.

i messed up - need advice + reality check
i fucked up and want to know what you all think
hey everyone, i’m new to reddit. seeking comfort and for people to call me out if you see bullshit. i’m 30 and my partner sam is 31. we’ve been together for almost 4 years. our relationship is far from perfect, but nonetheless i’ve always been sure about my partner. i’ve always been all in about sam, i’m deeply in love with her. on her end, i know she loves me but she over thinks the relationship alot and makes some things more difficult than they should be, from my point of view. about a month ago, we dove down into a matter of unhappiness on her end and her contemplating ending our relationship and me wanting to talk things out & work it out. throughout our 4 years we’ve had so many moments where she wants to breakup over so many things, good, bad, small or big. again, on my end ive always been sure.
this fight felt different though. in one weekend we went from being fine, planning out the day, to her overthinking the relationship and wanting to take a break & possibly break up. (why am i in a relationship with someone who isnt sure about me? im not sure but thats not the point of this). and so began a week of her distancing herself from me, not seeing or talking to her. wondering what would happen to us, crying and being anxious.
here’s where the juice of the story, this fight felt different and serious. i genuinely thought the relationship was over and i was just waiting for her to breakup with me. i was extremely sad & hurt. i hit up an old friend i used to have a fling with to catch up and i slept with them. i didnt feel any guilt or anything because again, i thought this was seriously over. i didnt go into it with the mentality to hurt or get back at sam, it was simply a shitty concsious decision. i know i should’ve asked for clarity on what a break meant, or even have broken up with her myself. a couple days after i did that we were still going back and forth and she had said she had come to the conclusion that we were going to break up, but me pushing to work things out made her change her mind. we talked about what our issues in the relationship are and how we want fix that. sam does not know of my hooking up.
i feel sad over what i did. it was such a gray area of “we’re going to take a break, & i am leaning towards breaking up with you” & not officially breaking up. i have never cheated and never thought of doing anything remotely close to it in other past arguments. my love for her is just as strong as it was before. i still have no doubts about her even now. again, i should’ve made sure what a break was or broken up with her myself. i left the decision of breaking up, up to her because shes always been so unsure about it. i have always fought for the relationship and really working things out, i have always been sure about my love for her, i make her feel loved and make her feel safe, i have been a great partner to her & vice versa. i have full control over myself and i know i would never be tempted by anyone to do anything.
want to know peoples honest opinions.

I am pretty sure this is what is going on with me! Without me realizing it originally….
Short story; about 2 weeks ago I noticed that I had some frontal neck tightness, like my veins I could feel more blood flow happening in them? Or my pulse? Idk, but it didn’t feel right. Also had some irritability and hot flashes. Then I noticed my chest was tightening! I had already experienced some pins and needles feelings in my hands and arms. I had just started an upper dose of my thyroid medicine which can also cause quite a bit and thought it was just that. So because of the cardiovascular issues I was feeling, I decided to completely stop caffeine just in case bc I didn’t want to exasperate my symptoms. Important to note, I had already decided to bring down my caffeine content because I know it was too high, but I did not really connect any of this to lowering or tapering my caffeine at all until the last couple of days! I truly thought it was just my medication. However, seeing as I was very dependent upon caffeine for the last 20 some years at anywhere between 500 to 700 mg of caffeine a day throughout the day, caffeine withdrawal makes total sense! Could my thyroid medicine have contributed? Absolutely, probably so but at this point I think that I’m really in the thick of it when it comes to caffeine withdrawal because I have completely stopped my medication. Symptoms included: I have been experiencing some chest tightening/discomfort. It was never painful but it was just very tight and heavy feeling. I have had heart palpitations that I could feel in my chest and in my neck, along with neck restriction, almost strangulation feeling! Bad headaches and I would say the oddest one were cold tremors. There was one night where I was wearing a full clothing plus a onesie and a blanket and my whole body was tremoring. I ended up going to the hospital ER twice thinking that it was something to do with my heart and each time they ran an EKG which came back totally normal. The first time they also checked my blood for troponin which signifies whether or not you may have had a heart attack and it was fine. They did a CT scan on my neck since I complained of tightening and restriction and it completely came back fine and a chest x-ray to check my heart and lungs which was also fine. The second time I went to the hospital they did, like I said another EKG, which was fine and another x-ray which was also fine and basically asked if I was stressed or have anxiety (which I never have!)
So, all this to say, it’s gotta be the caffeine withdrawal! I’ve always been someone who has tried to be physically fit and today I felt probably the best I have felt in two weeks so I went on the smallest jog ever and it felt fantastic during but after resting for about 10 to 15 minutes that sudden rushed pulsing in my neck came back and after doing some research it looks like caffeine normally will restrict the blood flow to your head and so it seems like maybe I’m getting more blood flow now that I’m not having caffeine to restrict blood flow, which is causing the pulsating to where I can feel it as well as the headaches. It’s insane!
Please tell me I’m not alone?! How long does this last!

I guess I’m here to vent and share my story with others who get it.. because it’s hard for me to talk about with family or friends because no one understands and explaining things over and over just feels like losing more energy honestly. I’m welcoming all suggestions since you have been through it.
My baby is 16 weeks and has not had a “good day” since he’s been born. Over 100 days fighting for him and watching him struggle. We tried breastmilk, multiple formulas, and settled on Neocate syneo almost 3 months ago which cleared up a few of his more scary symptoms, but he still has most of them. So many visits doctors have told me his symptoms are normal, but didn’t take the time to really listen or watch what has been going on with him, which makes me feel like I’m being a overprotective mom, or that I’m crazy losing my mind, but things are clearly not right. Finally his ped sees that he’s truly struggling and sent a referral for GI since she had no knowledge on cmpa or what to do for him next and she said “I thought he would have outgrown it by now and the Pepcid isn’t helping” I have wanted to cry and scream at her at the same time because I feel like she truly neglected my baby while I have watched him suffer😢
He was unsettled since birth.. he was ready to eat right away, but struggled so much. We tried breastmilk, Bobbie, gentle ease, nutramigen, and Neocate syneo. Pepcid, increase dosage Pepcid, increase frequency Pepcid, gas drops, gripe water, changing bottles, probiotics, changing nipple flow, keeping upright. Literally everything.
I’m so lost and it hurts to watch my baby suffer.
Current symptoms: GI discomfort - Eating every 2-4 hours besides at night, 45 minutes up to 2 hours to eat 4oz.
Throwing up projectile. Coughing then forcefully vomit half or whole bottle.
Spit up constantly.
Arching back in pain when feeding and after screaming so loud.
Poop so very loose and mucousy since birth, and worsening over time. Yellow liquid or dark green with black streaks or green with yellow seeds. Has never been formed. Horrible sour smell like vinegar or rotten eggs. Clearly in pain when pushing or when he is struggling to go. Either can barely poop once a day or will go 5x a day.
He was eating 5-6 oz, eating less oz now 3-4 still taking an hour and screaming when seeing bottle close to him. Screaming when getting into feeding position.
Hard to settle and screaming loud until passing out. Not full enough to sleep long periods.
It’s been 2 weeks since increasing Pepcid but on it for 12 weeks and 12 weeks on amino acid formula - Neocate syneo.
Have to distract to eat - change position, sing, shh, takes 45-60+ minutes Unlatches quickly Crying in feeding position Arching back fussy
Since birth not 1 good happy feed without crying or pain. Has lessened over time but getting worse again
First 2 months couldn’t be put down, tummy time, bath, diaper, sleep unless held without absolutely screaming and losing it - sometimes these days can lay flat. First month awake 2-3 hours sleep 30 minutes
I was giving a time to see if it would get better, but it’s not getting better and some situations are getting worse. The things that have gotten better are not having an immediate reaction when eating - he had swollen eyelids, severe immediate rash and lingering eczema, and difficulty breathing. He will sleep now without being held. I’m thankful for the improvements, but I’m so heartbroken that things are not getting “normal” for him. It seemed like the Neocate syneo would be good for him but he’s not good.
It just seems like nothing is helping and it’s all trial and error. My baby is almost 4 months and it’s been a painful blur.
The “solutions” I have come up with through research - changing to Prevacid or Prilosec for the reflux. Changing to alfamino (but super scared since it has soy oil) since it doesn’t have coconut, or switching to rtf alitenium (but super scared since it has milk), or trying regular Neocate since some babies struggle with the pro/prebiotics in the syneo.. which feels like the safest option since he had such trouble with milk and soy. Or the fear of something else being completely wrong and causing his pain and mucous. I just feel defeated with how things are going. But also so scared to change things again.

I have sleep paralysis somewhat regularly, it comes and goes. I have noticed I tend to get it more often when I don’t have a lot of sleep for a couple days. I have seen different sleep paralysis “demons” how ever the hat man experience I had was probably the worst sleep paralysis I have ever had. Here is the story
At the time I was living by myself in somewhat rural Alaska in a small duplex. My place was sorta small it was about 1000 sq ft with 2 bed 1 bath. When you open the front door the living room opens up to your right, the kitchen then bathroom are to your left and the 2 rooms are straight back with the doors being on the back side of the living room. Both rooms were pretty small, one I used for storage and the other my bedroom. Since the room was small my queen sized bed only fit comfortably in one orientation with the front door to the home being in direct line of sight from my bed and vice versa. Normally I sleep with my door closed but this particular night I slept with it open because I was so tired and accidentally fell asleep when I got home from a long day of work. I remember waking up to a noise and immediately noticed I couldn’t move. Since I get sleep paralysis often I have gotten better about not freaking out and normally if I close my eyes and focus on quickly rolling my body or moving my arm or leg I can move myself out of it. So almost routine at this point I quickly get myself out of it and sit up and look out into my living room to see what the noise was. Right next to my front door is a big window, I leave the blinds closed but light goes through them fairly easily. On this night the moon was probably full and the moonlight was coming through the window pretty bright and I could see my living room and kitchen fairly good. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary and I figured the sound came from sleep paralysis because not only do I sometimes see things but I also sometimes hear things. I went back to sleep. I again awoke in sleep paralysis but this time my chest was a bit heavier and my heart was pounding. The anxiety was a little more frightening and I didn’t immediately do my routine to get out of the sleep paralysis and mistakenly started looking around. That’s when I saw the hat man. My front door was wide open and white moon light shining in. At the door way the completely black figure with the distinct hat stood staring at me. I was in a state of panic and shock, I couldn’t tell if it was real or not because normally the environment doesn’t change and this time my front door was clearly open. I have a pistol I keep for self defense and it was on my nightstand. I did my routine, rolled my body and quickly grabbed my pistol. I sat up and pointed my pistol at my front door but it was closed and everything was normal. At this point my anxiety was high and I was nervous to fall back asleep because I haven’t had such bad sleep paralysis in a while but I laid back down, went on my phone for a bit and decided to go back to sleep. The way my duplex is set up my neighbor is on the bottom unit and I’m on the top so you have to go up some stairs to get to my front door. There is a small one car garage but it belongs to my downstairs neighbor and was used for storage so I parked my truck in front of it and the stairs to my front door was to the right of the garage and my truck. Now the dream is foggy but for some reason I dreamed that I woke up again, gotten scared and went outside to get in my truck and fell back asleep. I woke up again in sleep paralysis but this time I was in the passenger seat of my truck. Again I didn’t follow my routine, my head was foggy, confused, and nervous. I started looking around not being able to move and having my heart have this indescribable heavy pit of anxiety. I looked at my front door open with the hat man standing there looking inside my house. I was at this point, in such a state of panic I wanted to start crying, the type of crying when you make those disgusting audible sobs and gasp for air in between each sob, but because I couldn’t still being in sleep paralysis and not being able to move or make sound all I could do is watch this hat man in horror. It would get worse, while being a completely pitch black figure I could see the hat man move and turn his body around. He was now looking at me, my anxiety was at an all time high and at this point everything felt so real and looked so real that I believed it was real. I watched him slowly walk down the steps and make his way to my truck. He walked up to the window and I looked directly at his pitch black figure staring at me through the tinted window of my truck. And for the first time I saw a sleep paralysis “demon” with a color other than pitch black when the hat man grinned from ear to ear with pearly white teeth. His smile looked like Chester cat’s smile from Alice in Wonderland. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this level of fear at any other point in my life, panicked, I squeezed my eyes closed and tried to roll out of the sleep paralysis. I could vividly feel the cold leather of my car seat on my skin but when I finally rolled out of my sleep paralysis I was in my bed. Safe to say I didn’t go back to sleep. That was my worst and most frightening sleep paralysis experience and (knock on wood) I haven’t experienced anything nearly as scary since.
That was when I was about to turn 20, I’m now about to turn 23 and I have made significant improvements to my sleep which in turn has caused me to experience way less sleep paralysis. That time still haunts me. The worst part was how real it felt I legit thought I was in my car I couldn’t tell the difference between reality and dream, everything felt so real. Sleep paralysis is the worst and none of my friends and family experience it, so when I talk about it they don’t seem to grasp how scary it is for me. I have had demons squeeze my throat to where I couldn’t breathe while their pitch black face stares at me. I’ve had people stand in my room and all I could do is watch hoping they aren’t real feeling so vulnerable from not being able to move. I’ve tried screaming at my partner to help as I watched them sleep next to me not being able to get the scream out and feeling so trapped and anxious. It really does suck and I’m sorry for all the other folks who have to deal with it. Feel free to share your worst sleep paralysis stories I’m curious as to what other people have experienced.