Some people have suggested that I "move on quickly" from people. I couldn't disagree more. So long story short, in the fall of last year (2023) I met someone (20f) on Hily. We hit it off pretty quickly and either by the end of the day or the end of the week, I asked her if she wanted to go out sometime. To my surprise, she said yes, but there was a tiny problem: she was moving about 2 1/2 hours west of where I live. Also I just wanted to briefly point out that I could never ask a girl out the way I asked her out. Now I was more than willing to bridge the distance somewhat, but it still would have technically been a "long-distance relationship." I even told her that I would make it work because I thought she was worth it (I genuinely believed that by the way).
As we talked, I discovered that we shared a lot of the same interests. We had deep, long conversations through both the app and eventually through snapchat. I mean, we literally sent small essays to each other about basically everything. It was going so well and I was really excited to go out with her when she eventually settled into her new house. Until it wasn't. The only thing that we didn't necessarily agree on was religious beliefs, but to me that wasn't a big deal to me. For reference, she was Christian and I used to be Catholic but kinda questioned it and considered myself Agnostic (still do by the way). But she understood and respected my decision, as I did with her. However, one day I said something that offended her (in regards to religion). Now I don't remember what exactly I said, but I shouldn't have said it at all.
Instead of apologizing and saying I didn't mean it (like I should have), I doubled down because I'm an idiot. After some time (in early January), I decided that I didn't want to wait forever for her to move and see her IRL. So I gradually stopped talking to her instead of, again, apologizing to her and attempting to make things work. I ghosted her for a few days before telling her that I didn't want to be in contact anymore with her. She understood and just like that, it was over. I had messed up my best opportunity yet and was left wondering if I'd ever have the same opportunity again. To be fair, it was more than just the comment on religion that influenced that decision. But I know I messed up and that I should have moved on by now.
Should have are the key words here. Recently I've wanted to get back in contact with her through snapchat. Yes I know it's been months and chances are she doesn't remember me and doesn't want to talk either, but I guess I'm just that desperate. I haven't been doing the best mentally recently either. I don't even remember he username either, I just know that it was her name and then a number following it. Should I try getting back in contact with her? Is it worth it? How would I do that if so? If it's not worth it, then what should I do to ensure that I don't make the same mistakes again?

I’m going out on a limb here, because this post is going to be a strong dose of woo. But I feel I have a duty to warn, and you people seem just weird enough to be able to get it. Read this in the voice of John Oliver if you have to, it might help.

TL;DR: Things are going to get worse before they get better. A mundane and lame, but not altogether surprising, amount of worse. Around 2045-2050, is when things finally turn around. Time to get your shit together, people.

Backstory: Back in the late 70s, a former Special Assistant to the Chief of Naval Operations, Stephan A. Schwartz, got involved in remote viewing. Schwartz started a long-term project that ran from 1978 to 1995 to ask remote viewers to look at one day in June, 2050 to see whether or not the Cold War turned into a nuclear war. He collected data from hundreds of remote viewers over thousands of sessions, over decades of time, and aggregated down the places of only broad consensus. The points where nearly everyone agreed over years and years.

What came out was while we didn’t nuke ourselves, things like the fall of the USSR, the rise of HIV/AIDS, climate change, and terrorism replacing the Cold War seemed like crazy talk at the time, but it's what the remote viewers said. To date, points of wide consensus have held accurate because they’re non-specific. It's not “on Sept 11 this will happen…” it’s “something happened, and now terrorism is why the world is a more dangerous place.”

You can watch here in 2017 where Schwartz talks about a “series of epidemics” occurring. HIV/AIDS was the first one, and last I checked, the opioid crisis, huge increases in non-communicable diseases, and COVID are all massive public health problems on a scale we didn’t used to have - even at the level that in 2017 to consider them. Then he describes Zoom meetings, and how they’re in VR by 2050. So, like I said, things get worse.
/backstory

In the last few years, Schwartz started up a new version of the 2050 project, asking remote viewers to look at the year 2060, and report on wide consensus. A summary of his work is here, with findings on the last page. (This is not investment advice… or is it? ;) I’ve been waiting around on a book with more details for 2 years now, and still nothing, so I have this and interviews as most of what he has out there to go on.
I’m a remote viewer, and I’ve had years of profound, sometimes bonkers experiences that have forced me to stop being so materialist and accept that sometimes remote viewing works. And that the universe is buck wild, but whatever.
Anyone can learn to remote view, just like anyone can learn French if they spend a lot of time every day working on something that seems cool at first, but is ultimately borderline pointless to do without a solid reason. In reality, both have too many rules and are kind of annoying to keep up every day when you’re not using it professionally. But, objectively, learning French is still worse.

….But I’ve also studied and used social science data for work, and looking at broad consensus is how we evaluate things like aggregating survey data. So I put a lot of stock in both the 2050 and 2060 projects simply based on the methodology.

You know what I don’t put a lot of stock in? Astrology.

So I made the mistake of asking astrology about the general themes forecast for the US for 2030-2045, expecting some sort of hilarious contradictions. Like “oh, 2034, Saturn is in Leo - the US elects its first kitty-cat president :3 YAY!””

Nope.
Fam (can I call you fam?) - look, Fam, let me tell you, it did not go well for me.

TL;DR of that post: Nothing contradicts Schwartz. Even the timeline of bad to worse lines up. And I didn't even tell them why I was asking about that time frame before I got a few responses back.

We go from now to bad in the early-mid 2030s, bad to worse in late 2030s/2040, then spicy worse until 2045, then come up for air by the time kindergarten-age kids of today are old enough to rent a car and drive it through Mad Max: Tornado Dustbowl II.
OK, so two woo-woo data points. Who cares, right? Just stupid woo coincidence, right? How many pretend "skeptics" are screaming "confirmation bias!" at me right now? It's not zero.

But....Then we have the unfortunate triangulation of the fact that some of the less pleasant climate change models pointing to a 2.5+ degree world, which is entirely right smack-dab in the realm of possibility right now, agree with the severity of the remote viewing predictions. Expectations of a Blue Ocean event are on track for 2036-2038ish, and the remote viewing data says something happens around 2040 that is a big deal.

The 2050 and 2060 projects both agree that there are migrations: “people flee the coasts, then the Midwest becomes uninhabitable.” But like, more uninhabitable than right now. Constant tornados and floods and drought and general bad times kind of uninhabitable, not like, thinking spaghetti in your chili is still food (I’ll fight you about this, Cincinnati! Come at me!)

Now, if you’ve made it this far, you’re probably just a podcast host desperate for content. Respect.

But for real, if you’ve made it this far, it’s important to acknowledge the fact that this is a warning. This is knowledge, not to create fear, but to inform your sound choices. To be used to guide your life. Data to keep you safe and happy and doing whatever else normal people do these days. Fidget spinners? Are those still a thing? Anyway, point is that if you’re scared, you’re doing it wrong.

And look, this is a topic I’ve looked at for a long time, so there’s no way that you won’t have questions about the nuance. I would, too. Maybe questions like “I’m not clear - are you on drugs now, or do you NEED to be on drugs?”
But I’m going to get off the internet now, and let comments pile up for a while, because we have, like….8 years left to post on IG about plates of food someone else made and you just paid for. Or however you spend your time. I have 8 years left to understand why fidget spinners are a thing before I’m taking out the ball bearings and using them for ammo.

People, get your shit together. Find community. Be compassionate and kind. Learn to garden. Get in shape. Touch grass.
And vote, FFS. Not for America’s first kitty-cat president, I mean, not YET. Vote for humans now so we can have cats later.

(This is a repost from 4 weeks ago.)
Hi everyone,
With VoG challenge starting I wanted to post this to hopefully help some people complete Atheon challenge easier. It’s a pretty long guide since it contains pretty much everything I know about this challenge.
The challenge is that every guardian needs to destroy exactly one Oracle every time before Time’s Vengeance starts. (The weird wording is intentional - this is important for one of the items below.) So you do need a full team of six guardians to do the challenge. (FYI, I tried doing it with three guardians destroying two Oracles each, and it didn’t work - the “challenge failed” message came up as soon as the last Oracle was destroyed.)
In this guide, I will use “Venus” for the green/past/right and “Mars” for the brown/future/left timeline. I also use “teleport” to describe the time shift. I know these are not correct, but that’s how most people describe the Atheon fight.

Weapons and Subclasses

Load out wise, the best weapons are (in order):

• Sleeper Simulant (use an exotic chest armor with heavy ammo perk to get 12 shots)
• High impact sniper (Ex Machina, Event Horizon, Devil’s Dawn, Black Spindle archetype)
• Machine gun
• Rockets (only if you don’t have any of the above, and be very careful - jump straight up in the air to shoot them)
• Primaries from this raid (for Oracles)

Do not use supers other than Weapons bubble and Shadowshot tether. Time’s Vengeance will reduce supers’ cool down but their damage will not be buffed like regular weapons. Unless you run out of ammo, even a Celestial Nighthawk Golden Gun is worse than Sleeper - the GG’s dramatic animation is too long. All Titans should switch to Weapons with Bastion and Illuminated. (If you don’t have Illuminated, and there is someone else who does have Illuminated, do not use your bubble unless the other person is not available, or you may cost the team 10% of DPS). All Hunters should switch to Nightstalker with Black Hole. The Titan and Hunter who gets to the middle first should call out “I’ll do the bubble/tether” so others don’t have to worry about it. Also, call out again when the Weapons bubble is activated (near the back edge of the island preferably) so people know when to go back to find it. For the tether, jump straight up and shoot it on the ground at Atheon’s feet (not hitting Atheon directly will make the tether last longer). Only one person needs to tether. Shooting three Sleeper shots then tethering is about the right timing. Warlocks should be on self-res, as staying alive is paramount in case you can’t one-phase Atheon. Do not try to throw grenades, you will have to jump high in the air to do so, which wastes time. I takes about 23 seconds with 5 max light guardians shooting Sleeper with Weapons and tether active the whole time to destroy Atheon.

The Challenge

To make portals opening as smooth as possible, put 3 people on Venus side and 3 on Mars side. Stay inside the circle so you can start building the portal immediately when teleport happens even while you are detained. Do not jump on the monolith before the teleport, as it will aggro Atheon and he’ll start shooting at you and cause a lot of splash damage to you and your teammates.
The ideal situation is that the “inside team” gets #1/#2, the “outside team” gets #3-#5, and Relic holder gets #6. Two people from the outside should go in as soon as the portal opens, and the last person goes in when someone comes out. One notable exception is that if nobody is on the correct portal, then Relic holder needs to get #3 and outside team will get #4-#6. Make sure you watch the kill feed (above your super bar) to confirm you have indeed destroyed an Oracle. After the teleport, avoid unnecessary emoting so you won’t clog up the kill feed.

The Inside Team

The main goal for this team is to have Oracles #1 and #2 destroyed and get the non-Relic guardians out as soon as possible. So if you’re not grabbing the Relic, this is what you need to do:

• Shoot Oracle #1 or #2 (#1 is straight ahead on Venus and slightly left on Mars, #2 is slightly right on both) as soon as they spawn. It may help to call out immediately (“I got #1” “OK then I’ll get #2”) to avoid any confusion.
• Run to the portal as soon as you destroy your Oracle. There will be no cleanse at the bottom. Once you get cleansed at the portal, get out and call out “I’m out, you can go in” to the last person outside.
• Do not ask for cleanse, it will just clog up the comms. If you need a cleanse, quietly stand next to the Relic. The Relic holder will cleanse you every now and then.
• If you are #2 and you are sure your teammate #1 will not need help with his Oracle, you can run immediately to the portal and turn around to shoot Oracle #2. Oracle #2 will spawn around the time you get to the portal.
• If you are #2 and you are shooting your Oracle from the spawn and someone else destroys it instead, don’t try to shoot another Oracle, instead immediately run to the portal. You should have enough time to get there to receive a cleanse before you go completely blind.
• Once you’re out, help clear Supplicants and go to the middle island to be ready for DPS. If you’re the Weapons bubble or tether, tell people that you got that role. There will be three Supplicants that spawn on the other side that should have made it to the portal ring by then, so make sure you shoot them while you’re waiting.
• If you get out and notice you were not cleansed at all, go back in and wait just inside the portal for another cleanse.
• One more thing for the inside team to watch out for is the Relic holder accidentally destroying an Oracle. #1 on Venus is halfway up the stairs, and #2 is on the floor level, both destroyable by a single Relic slam. If the Relic holder destroys Oracle #1 or #2 while trying to kill the adds, you need to notify him (he’s probably too busy dealing with the adds to notice). If this happens, the inside team should take #1-#3, and the outside team takes #4-#6.
• And as always, throw a grenade at the Minotaur at the bottom on Venus, and don’t do anything to the adds on Mars. In any case, do not shoot the adds. The Relic holder needs to kill all three adds to build his super quickly. Even if you don’t kill the adds, it will cause them to wake up early if you shoot them and cause all sorts of havoc (like Hobgoblins throwing up their shields on Mars, or the Minotaur running up the stairs on Venus).

The Relic Holder

If you are the Relic holder, you want 300 Intellect (for Relic super) and 300 Discipline (for cleanse). Do not pick up the Relic if you don’t have 300 INT and DIS. Also don’t pick up the Relic if you’re the only Weapons bubble or tether. As a Relic holder:

• Call out which side you are, and remind people about the grenade/no grenade.
• Run down the right side behind the short pillars, not the middle stairway. Make a mini double-jump at the bottom and smash the adds with the Relic slam. On Venus, if they are not clustered together, you want to make sure you take out at least one of the Goblins (smash the one that’s closer to the Minotaur). One mistake that can cost you is to attack the Minotaur only when they are spread out, and by the time you get rid of it, you’ve had two Goblins shooting at you the whole time and have little to no health left.
• Once you’re done with the adds, run to the portal. If the portal is still not open, that probably means the outside team are all on the wrong side, so use your Relic super to take out Oracle #3. This is the one that is floating pretty high in the air on the right side (looking back from the portal, it will be left if you’re facing the portal). If you take out Oracle #3, call it out (“Relic holder took Oracle #3, last person take #6”).
• Stand near the portal so that the cleanse shield overlaps the portal. This will make sure anyone who runs through the cleanse on the way out will not go blind outside. Face the portal and watch your radar. When you see a green dot or two catch up on you, cleanse them.
• After the first set of guys are out, call in the last person and turn around. Make sure everyone is shooting Oracles in order (they don’t have to be destroyed in order, but each of them will wipe you after a set time, so it is better to shoot them in order). Cleanse occasionally.
• Once Oracles #1-#5 are destroyed, do one last cleanse and tell everyone to get ready for DPS. If possible, do a 3-2-1 countdown before smashing Oracle #6 so everyone knows exactly when Time’s Vengeance starts. Rush to the middle and activate the shield.
• Watch Atheon’s health bar as time progresses. Assuming most people started shooting as soon as Time’s Vengeance started, if Atheon’s health is about half or less at the 15 seconds mark, you should be able to kill him in one phase. If so, tell people to “commit”. If not, when Atheon’s health is about 1/3 left, tell people to get out and start clearing supplicants near portals. Turn around with your shield and leave after everyone is gone.
• If you had to destroy Oracle #3, then cleanse and leave after #5 is destroyed to go to the middle. The last person in doesn’t need any cleanse; he can shoot #6 and turn around to get to the middle in plenty of time before he goes completely blind.

The Outside Team

This team’s job is more complicated because there are many variants. The key is to immediately elect who is going to be the last guardian out. So if you are left outside:

• Watch your radar while the teleport is happening. You will see an extra green triangle on your radar that indicates where the inside team went. If it shows up on top-right, that’s Venus, if it’s bottom-left, it’s Mars. (The little triangle directly left or right is probably outside guardians on the opposite portal.)
• First thing to do is to elect the person to go in last.
  • If you are the only one on the correct portal, tell people you are going in first. Build the portal and go in. Make sure you don’t leave the ring until you see the message about the portal being active.
  • If you are the only one on the wrong portal, tell people you will be the last one to stay out.
  • If everyone is on the wrong portal, tell the Relic holder that he needs to take Oracle #3.
  • In any case, make sure two guardians go in and one stay out.
• Remember that nobody needs to stay inside the portal ring once the portal is activated (and there are no Praetorians to steal the portal from you), but one person needs to be outside at all times. If you’re the last one outside going to the portal from the wrong side ring, you don’t have to go to the ring that builds the portal at all.
• If everyone runs in by mistake and see the “lost in the dark corners of time” message, the last person can immediately run out to avoid a wipe if you are quick enough (although by this time most likely the team has freaked out from the message and is on a way to a wipe anyway).
• Before going in, try to toss an AOE grenade to the Atheon side of the portal to keep Supplicants at bay to help the one guardian that will be defending the portal by himself for a while. You can also shoot a tether there.
• Oracle #3 will be the one that is straight ahead as you go through the portal, and pretty far away.
• On Mars, #3 and #4 are almost overlapping but #4 is much closer. If they are both up, make sure you shoot #3 first.
• On Venus, #4 is below your sight line to your left.
• On both sides, #5 is above your left shoulder and #6 is above your right shoulder.
• If you are the first one in from outside, do not shoot Oracle #2. You destroying #2 will likely confuse the inside team member who was trying to shoot it, and if he didn’t run to the portal first like one other tip above, he may go blind before being able to destroy another Oracle.

A Special Trick

Now, one last tip - if Atheon is almost dead after a DPS phase, but so are any of your teammates, the outside team should go all out to attack Atheon. You can complete the challenge by destroying Atheon this way if you have done the previous Time’s Vengeance correctly.

• Use whatever you have to destroy Atheon. Offensive supers (Nova Bomb etc.) are good again here since weapons are no longer buffed by Time’s Vengeance.
• Oracles will still wipe the team if you do not destroy them all. If you have already destroyed Atheon (and gotten loot) and get wiped this way, you will be waiting in the wipe screen for several minutes while the game searches for a checkpoint to restart. Finally the game will realize there are no usable checkpoints and dump you back at the beginning of the raid. X-D
• In the off chance that the outside team is still trying to kill Atheon, do not destroy the last Oracle (#6). Doing so will start Time’s Vengeance and you will fail the challenge.
• If you have fewer than 4 guardians left while doing DPS, then all Sunsinger Warlocks should jump off and kill himself just before Time’s Vengeance ends. Then resurrect yourself after the teleport and try to destroy Atheon.

That’s all, sorry for the wall of text. Let me know if you have any comments.
Have fun, PSN: Lightfoot (without the “one” at end)

I was diagnosed with VCD/EILO. This was confirmed by two independent doctors (a phoniatrician and a speech therapist) based on the symptoms and the recorded sound when I breathe (you can hear the characteristic stridor).
I have recently performed a continuous laryngoscopy exercise (CLE) test (an endoscopic examination during exercise), which showed nothing.
I'm most short of breath while running or roller skating, when my whole body is involved. It's easier for me to breathe on gym (as you make pauses) or while riding a bicycle. The CLE test was on a bike. I felt slight shortness of breath, but the test showed nothing. They were totally opened....
Does this mean that VCD is out of the question or should it be repeated on the treadmill..?
It has been 6 years since I am struggling with shortnerr of breath during exercise...I have no more ideas what can cause this :(

It’s taken a lot for me to write this so I’m hoping it’s convincing bc I truly mean it
“Hey I really just wanna say sorry for everything I did to you name , u did nothing wrong and I bullied you just to try and make myself feel better about god knows what I’m not only just feeling sorry now, trust me, imma tell you smth that not many people know if u dm reading When we were at resedential and I was putting th aloe Vera gel on a scar on my leg, you asked what happened there or smth along those lines and I didn’t really say, that’s because it’s a scar I made myself, I’ve got them on my arm too, I just want to tell you that bc I started doing it out of guilt for everything that happened and thinking abt what I did to you just made me feel so sick, so I punished myself for it (just wanna say I’m not trying to make u feel bad but it’s the truth) so even if u don’t wanna accept it (which is understandable) just know that I really am sorry for everything ❤️

Hi all! First off, so glad this sub reddit exists because it was a life saver when I was making decisions on my own ACLr and knowing what to expect from surgery. I'm a 2x cancer surviver, Paramedic, Rugby player, and now have been a caregiver to my partner who just celebrated 3 months from her own ACLr. I collected a bunch of advice and tips and tricks that I have used both during cancer treatment, my own experience with ACLr, and now through care taking my partner through hers. I know there have been guides before, but mine is a bit different and aimed at caregivers so I thought I'd post it here since ya'll helped me so much instead of it just circulating the rugby community every time a teammate or friend has to have ACLr or some other reconstruction. Hope it's allowed and helps!
A Cancer Patients Guide To Knee Reconstruction Recovery
A Comprehensive Guide To Surviving and Thriving In the Pre and Post-op Period Built From The Perspective of Caretaker and Patient.
Before The Date
__/__/____

Preparation

It is important to adequately prepare for surgery in the weeks and days leading up to the procedure. A significant period of immobility and reliance on support can be expected immediately post-op and will vary by procedure and personal experience. Physical modification of living space and thorough preparation allows for the immediate post-op period to be free of emergency store runs and the small inconveniences that can add up to big frustration. Not having food and drink nearby as well as other essentials may be a small deal now, but can turn into a big deal when you can no longer get those things for yourself. While physical preparation (home modifications, adaptive tools, meal prepping, etc.) are important, mental preparation is crucial to the long term success of the repair. Making small, achievable goals in the immediate post-op period and maintaining a long sighted view of recovery will make the pain and immobility that is initially experienced more bearable. Additionally, social support through a partner, family members, or friends is an essential part of recovery, as is maintaining contact with sports teams or other social groups during rehabilitation.

General PEARLs

• Pre-surgical rehab is an essential part of recovery and can improve immediate outcome so if it is a resource available to you- use it!
• Learn the basics of your procedure such as reconstruction technique, graft type, surgeons recovery timeline, where you will do your rehab, and what you should expect going into and coming out of surgery. Knowledge is power and can give a sense of control and set reasonable expectations in a situation that is otherwise out of your control.
• Seek out positive experiences and recovery stories from other people who have had your procedure and gather as much advice as possible from resources such as ACL. Know that some people will have negative experiences, everyone is an individual, and that much of your long term recovery is in your control.
• Expect and learn to advocate for yourself or the person you are taking care of. Be vocal and honest with any needs you may have and understand that issues may come up in the immediate post-operative time that you as a patient or caregiver may have to contact your surgeon to resolve. Familiarize yourself with who to call and when *before* you leave after surgery, as well as being quick to call with any questions or problems that arise. It is better to be told that what you are experiencing is normal than to sit with the anxiety of the unknown.
• Create a folder with all relevant information: Surgeons name, procedure information, follow-up appointment dates and times, phone numbers, emergency contacts, facility of choice in an emergency situation, and any other important information. Maintain this folder throughout your recovery and add paperwork as it comes.

Days Leading Up To Surgery

• Contact support people and confirm any arrangements that have been made including but not limited to: Who is taking you to/from surgery, child or pet care, transportation to first PT appointments, meals, etc.
• Recommended Items we found essential:
  • Ice Machine (Polarcube, etc) if at all possible
    • Recommend checking facebook marketplace or other second hand options, as they cost hundreds new but can be found for $40 or so used.
    • Studies have shown these do actually reduce pain and lend to earlier mobilisation and our experience has shown this to be essential not just immediately post-op but in the weeks and months afterwards so if you *can* obtain one you absolutely should.
  • Large sweatshirt and oversized shorts for surgery day, especially if you wear a bra, as putting clothes on after surgery can be a struggle and it’s easiest to just throw on a sweatshirt and shorts that fit over your post-op bandages and brace.
    • In particular, we found a blanket hoodie to be very useful both for going home and the first few days as it could stay on when moving around/when napping.
  • Neck Pillow
    • Helps with reading or other activities during long hours spent in bed or on the couch and really helped in the first two days to prevent neck strain and provide head positioning during napping.
  • Large pillows for body positioning and elevation of the leg
    • We found cheap, giant, dog beds from places like TJ Max or Marshalls to be more affordable than specialty products
    • A large, thin, dog bed (or blanket) rolled into a tube and secured with stretch bandage or tape around the surgical leg and brace helped significantly with comfort during sleep so that the leg was padded, comfortable, and the other leg didn’t get roughed up from the brace.
  • A shower chair
    • Can be found used at second hand stores like Goodwill, or cheap online
    • Easy substitute is a chair covered in a trash bag
    • Allowed showering the second day post-op which was a huge mental boost and relieved physical discomfort and achy muscles
  • Extra large leg cast cover
    • Can be found cheap online
    • Placed around outside of brace covering the entire leg initially, we then found it easier to place on the leg and place the brace outside of the cover for the remaining healing period for the incisions: We did this after the first PT appointment when it was safe to take off the brace for short periods while laying down. We acquired a second post op brace from a friend (you can find on eBay for cheap) and it was amazing to have, as we could let it dry after showering and immediately put her post op brace back on.
  • Foldable stool
    • Great for elevating the leg during transfers, while on the toilet, etc.
  • Lap Desk
    • Great for eating on the couch or in bed, but we also found it useful as a side table for holding drinks/meds/remotes/books that could be taken to whatever room they landed in at the time
    • A small table works as well, really just anything that can be used to set things on within arms reach
  • Assortment of sodas, water, seltzers, snacks, etc.
    • There is no way to know what you will want and when, but when you want it it’s nice to *have* it available
    • Appetite often decreases after surgery so make sure to have favourites on hand so that when you *are* hungry you have it immediately before your body changes its mind
  • A big bucket
    • We used a soft plastic beach type bucket from the dollar store, it was extremely useful to have to put small items in, a small towel, a spare water bottle, extra meds, baby wipes, etc.
    • Also doubled as an emergency puke bucket, as you never know when a sudden bout of nausea might hit in the first day or two after surgery
  • Extra reusable ice packs and bags of ice
    • Your home ice maker will not be able to keep up with the demands of constant icing the first week or so
    • Reusable ones are great for ‘hot spots’ and short trips where you can’t take the ice machine
  • Extra steri-strips and assortment of bandages
    • Sometimes there’s extra leakage, sometimes your steri-strips come off and you need to slap a new one on, sometimes you’re allergic to the ones they put on you at the hospital. Always consult a medical professional, but it’s handy to have these on hand just in case.
    • We also used a bulky padded bandaid to keep the brace off the healing incisions once the large post-op dressing was taken off which helped immensely.
  • Compression sleeves
    • Aside from helping with swelling these also provided a layer of protection under the post-op brace
    • We found cheap ones at Wal-Mart (copper brand) but also just bought a cheap pair of leggings a size down and cut off one of the legs to use before getting a more expensive one once swelling had fully subsided after a few weeks. Your leg will change so cheap works great at first, then you can get something a bit more substantial when you know what you’ll need long term. Now she wears high compression socks to sleep 3 months out.
  • Slide on shoes
    • Self explanatory, bending down to put on shoes becomes a chore after surgery. Avoid flip flops or other styles that can become a trip hazard.
  • Baby Wipes/Dude Wipes/etc.
    • Wiping down after you get home from surgery can help prevent that icky feeling and restore some sense of normalcy, then can be used over the next few days before you can shower more normally
  • Lotion and chapstick
    • Hospitals dry out your skin big time, and lips are often cracked post surgery from intubation/LMA placement
  • Small, easily labelled tupperware containers
    • Regular pill containers are too small to hold pain meds, OTC pain meds, anticoagulants such as aspirin, supplements, and edibles or other small things you take with your medication. We got small tupperware boxes with lids from the dollar store.
    • We found it very convenient to have six sets of meds set up and labelled with times which meant we never missed doses and could leave the next dose of meds at bedside, take them with us when going to appointments, and keep up with what had been given and when.
  • Small notebook to record med times and other important information
  • Two extra changes of clothes already setup and ready to go
  • Compression device
    • We are athletes so we already had leg compression sleeves but these days off brand versions can be bought online cheap. Studies have shown these lead to reduced pain, increased mobilisation, reduced the chance of blood clots, and there is even some evidence they help with bone healing.
    • We used it 3 days post op and beyond and her range of motion was significantly improved after the first time.
  • A yoga strap
    • Excellent for strapping to the brace and moving the surgical leg
• If possible, pick up post-op medications prior to surgery to prevent any unexpected delay in obtaining them. If this is not possible, verify that the prescription can be filled the day of the surgery by your selected pharmacy and that it has been filled prior to leaving after your surgery. Controlled substances cannot be transferred to another pharmacy without a new prescription sent directly from the provider. You do not want to be trying to get in contact with a physician in the hours after surgery, unable to manage pain, before the pharmacies close for the night.
• Do a thorough clean of your living area, it will make the time after surgery when you cannot independently do normal activities more bearable and a neat organised space is easier to function in when your body is not cooperating. Take special attention to removing tripping hazards and clearing a wide path from wherever you plan to spend your recovery and the bathroom.
• Plan to spend the first couple of days in one spot and on one floor and set up that area the day before surgery. If you have a downstairs bathroom a floor mattress or well setup couch can be your landing pad until you are more mobile and is the easiest during the immediate post-op period. That being said, if you don’t, it’s easier to get upstairs by sliding up on your bum immediately post-op when your pain is still well controlled than realise that you have no bathroom downstairs a few hours later when the pain has started to set in. Wherever you intend to land, plan on staying there at least a couple of days and bring all your supplies to that area. Plan to lay with your surgical leg on the outside of what you are laying on, this makes transferring easier.
• Have your recovery bed setup the day before surgery and prepared for when you return before you leave the day of, including blankets and your supply table setup.
• Meal prep, whether that means cooking or getting easy to make microwave meals is up to you. You won’t feel like cooking and neither will your caretaker the first few days. High protein, easy to eat meals are key! We had chicken and broccoli casserole, egg and sausage frittata, and lots of applesauce the first few days and it was a lifesaver not to have to think about meals.
• Spend some time mentally preparing for the long haul of recovery and make long term plans that fit within your timeline. For example, we planned to attend a rugby game five days after surgery *but* planned nothing else for that day and the next day. We also planned hiking trips the next fall, and other events appropriate for her timeline along the way that could be looked forward to and keep up morale. Remember that this is temporary and that it is okay to be recovering and resting, expect hard moments and days but keep things planned so you don’t get stuck in those down places.
• Eat your favourite meal and eat well the day before surgery. Your body needs fuel to recover and fasting the day of surgery sucks. As weird as it sounds, after multiple surgeries, the pre-surgery night meal of whatever I want is one shiny thing in a crappy situation to hold on to.
• Plan for what you want your first meal to be and consider making a playlist for the ride to and from surgery. Small things, again, help maintain a sense of control and comfort in a situation where you are largely out of control and these things can be done with friends or support people in the days leading up to reduce anxiety and pass time.
• Hit the gym, take a walk, do a hike, visit places or do things you enjoy but won’t be able to do in immediate recovery! We took my partners knee to one last tournament before her surgery, it helped pass time and kept spirits high.

Day Of And Immediate Post-Surgery Phase

• Maintain fasting starting at whatever hour you are told. Some people can drink clear liquids up to a certain point, others are completely nothing by mouth. Your instructions will guide you on this.
• Before leaving home double check that everything is set up how you need it and place a blanket, pillow, drink, and snack of choice in the car. You may or may not need it but if you do it is important to have. Make sure your ice packs are in the freezer ready to go!
• Bring your own post-op snack if you are picky or have food allergies, otherwise you’re stuck with whatever graham cracker and applesauce combo the facility gives you.
• Go with the flow, or as I always say “surrender”. Feel what you feel, have a cry in the car before you go in, listen to your playlist, bring your blanket or other comfort items into pre-op, tell your support person what’s going through your mind, tell your pre-op staff how you’re doing, ask all the questions, and most importantly just do what you have to do. For some people surgery can be overwhelming and the loss of control frightening, but fighting only makes it worse, so whatever you are just be it. I’m pre-op pacer myself, but some people just snuggle up under some warm blankets and wait. Either way, just let the waves take you where they go and know you’re along for the ride. Remember that future you with a healthy joint thanks you for what you’re doing today.
• Speak frankly with your anesthesiologist and utilise any pain control or anxiety control options given to you. There is no award for least meds taken or toughest patient of the day. If a nerve block is available, know that you can request sedation for its placement, and utilise that option if at all possible.
• Caregivers should bring something to keep them entertained and be prepared for a long period without update once surgery has started. Honour your feelings as well, it can be tough to watch someone you care about go through this! Consider having someone to act as a support person for you as well through text or phone, that way you can divert your own worries or struggles to them and away from the person having surgery while still making sure you are also taken care of.
• Make sure that pain is well controlled before leaving after surgery. You have more options there than you will at home and getting things under control once pain has become unbearable can be very difficult.
• Make sure you note when the next dose of medication is due, what medication they should be taking, and write it down.
• Double check contacts from your surgeons office and add any post op paperwork to your folder in case you need the information later.
• If your post-op meal requires picking up, or your prescription, try and do that immediately after leaving surgery even if you are not hungry yet. This is the most comfortable you will be for a while and your support person will be unable to leave for at least that day and night. I have been known to peruse the big gas station after surgery in search of snacks, my partner however simply waved to the nice people at the drive through and napped the rest of the way home before eating some hours later.
• Once you get home crash wherever you plan on spending the rest of the time. Don’t have friends or family over that first day. Just go ahead and sleep through the rest of the anaesthesia and get comfortable.
• Try and keep your home cool, and consider keeping the room dim for the first few hours if not days. Sleep is precious and pain meds can make you hot, and getting hot can lead to nausea. It is better to have the home cool and the person snuggled under blankets and comfortable than be trying to cool someone down who just had surgery and got too hot and is now dizzy, nauseous, and miserable. The least stimulation for the first little while the better, and naps will happen throughout the rest of the day and over the next few days. A cool, dim place lets this happen much easier than a bright, warm place where they might be overstimulated or awakened by noise or activity.
• If allowed, try and activate the quad muscle immediately after returning home and once every few hours by having them squeeze it and feeling for contraction while in the brace. Some people will be able to begin range of motion exercises immediately and if so, make sure to do them as soon as allowed even if that means just helping them by doing gentle manual range of motion movements in the brace.
• If it’s not already on, begin continuous icing as soon as you come out of surgery either by meticulously timing the replacement of ice packs or with the ice machine. Make sure to check the ice machine, replace ice as often as needed, and keep it on *continuously* for the next few days. For us this meant I checked it at every medication dose throughout the night and added ice during that time as well. We went through frozen mini water bottles and bags of ice like crazy the first week.
• Elevate the surgical leg as high as possible, placing support under the heel and calf but not directly under the knee to promote extension and prevent more headaches with gaining range of motion later on.
  • We found that icepacks directly under the knee helped tremendously with the discomfort associated with this.
• Anticipate that bathroom trips will not be fun or easy and take them extremely slow. As a caregiver allow the person to guide you on what they need and don’t need your help with and avoid grabbing or moving someone unexpectedly. Standing, acclimating to being upright, and then proceeding to the bathroom is the best way to do things and rushing will only result in frustration for both of you. A rolling chair or wheelchair can be helpful, but for some people standing up and sitting down is harder than just moving on to the bathroom. Pay attention as a caregiver and know that it is possible they may need your help getting off the toilet or back from the bathroom so be close by and available should that happen. For the first few days do not lock the bathroom door in case of an emergency.
• Place chairs or things to sit on around your path to the bathroom, kitchen, etc. And consider a small backpack or using a rolling chair to carry items around the house.
• Once you know when your next dose is, set alarms for each time your doses are due. If using the med boxes this makes doing meds and keeping track very easy, as they are each labelled with a time and all we had to do was open the box and take the meds instead of finding each bottle and dosing each med individually each time. As the days went on we were able to re-label and time the boxes as needed and remove meds as needed or adapt to what was needed when sleeping or up during the day.
  • For example day 1 would look like:
    • First post-op doses at 4pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 8pm box: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, 10mg edible, 12.5mg diphenhydramine (itching and sleep), stool softener, and regular night time meds.
    • Midnight box: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 5mg edible.
    • 4AM: 250mg tylenol, 5mg oxycodone, 800mg ibuprofen, edible (if nauseas or restless).
    • 8AM box (preparing to get up): 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, aspirin, stool softener, normal morning meds.
    • 12pm: 250mg tylenol, 10mg oxycodone, 5mg edible, 800mg ibuprofen.
    • Repeated on time, reducing pain med dose as tolerable, and refilling boxes 1x a day.
• If possible do scheduled tylenol (paracetamol) and ibuprofen (or another NSAID), alternating them on the dosing schedule, and take them religiously even through the night. This also goes for additional pain medications, which you will also need to wake to take through the night if you are prescribed for at least the first night.
• Staying on schedule might mean waking up in the night, but it’s better to be awoken to take meds than to wake up in pain and spend several hours trying to get it under control. You may find you seldom need them if your nerve block is in place, or you may just not need very much at all during your recovery. It is easier to trial run this after the first day by stretching out the time between doses from 4 to 6 to 8 and then potentially off entirely, but everyone will have their preferences.
• Eat a small snack with every med dose and keep emergency meds (extra pain med doses, nausea meds, etc.) at bedside as well as the next set of meds due so they can be taken when it is time.
• We found that edibles were a great addition to pain and nausea control after surgery. There are medication options available and having at least one option for nausea is advisable for the first few days after surgery when anaesthesia and medication can really make you want to puke.
• Expect absolutely nothing in the first few days post-op. Some people will feel well enough to move around, others will not be able to do anything but get up to use the bathroom. Expecting nothing is better than expecting more and being disappointed or frustrated. I would highly suggest not making plans until your first follow up 7 or so days after surgery.
• Be obsessive about icing, meds, any PT you have been given, and keeping track of appointments. Give yourself the best start to your recovery that you can and you will thank yourself later!

I notice there is a lot of talk about cross international dating (ex: passport bros) on this subreddit and the manosphere at large. I thought it would be interesting to share this study by a Swedish researcher named, Annika Elwert, who has studied gendered differences in foreign mate preferences between men and women in western countries.
The three countries she’s mainly studied are her home country Sweden, Spain and the USA by analyzing data on natives with foreign spouses. This what she found in Sweden for example regarding changes in patterns in cross national marriages:

Until the turn of the millennium, Swedish men who married across national borders usually chose women from Norway and Finland. In the early 2000s, a change in men's marriage patterns crystallised. Partly because of increased international travel, Thai women became the most common group of foreign women to marry Swedish men. However, Swedish women are rarely in relationships with Thai men.

In 2023 Elwert published a study focusing on Spain and USA to see if these patterns hold. She found some interesting differences and similarities between men and women when it came to choosing a foreign spouse that I thought were worth sharing.
Just a heads up, before I delve deeper into the study, I should note the researchers for this study only looked at marriages between natives in the USA who were of non-Hispanic European heritage and those with two parents born in Spain, to foreigners. So large swaths of the population are being left out of this study as it only examines foreign spouse preferences for certain members of the native population not the entire. Just keep that in mind:

We restrict the native population to the non-Hispanic of European descent born in the United States. Similarly for Spain, we restrict the native population to people born in Spain whose parents are also born in Spain. These restrictions are intended to minimize the impact that cross-national couples between international migrants and descendants of migrants of the same origins might have in our analyses (ex. Mexicans in the United States or Moroccans in Spain).

Regardless, I thought the results would interesting to discuss, here is a summary of the most important findings:

Sociologist Annika Elwert has previously studied marriage patterns in Sweden and, in a recent article, examined statistical databases of Spanish and American men and women who have a foreign partner. Their marriage patterns are similar to those of Swedes.
In the US, it is common to have a partner from neighbouring countries or Europe, but many American men also have a partner or wife from the Philippines. However, American women rarely marry Filipino men, preferring Germans and Mexicans. Among Spaniards, marriages with people from France, Germany and Argentina are common. Spanish women also choose partners from Senegal and Morocco, which is rare among Spanish men. Statistically, they prefer women from Romania and Colombia.
Although there are many commonalities in the marriage patterns of men and women, differences remain. Men more often marry much younger women from countries with lower education and living standards. The general trend is that the greater the difference in development between countries, the greater the age difference between the native man and the foreign woman. If the women come from countries with a similar level of development, the age difference is comparatively small.
“It is difficult to say why this is the case. One possible explanation is that when men have a preference for much younger women, it can be challenging to realise this preference in the domestic marriage market. It may be easier if she comes from a less developed country, where, for example, the marital age gap is usually larger," says Annika Elwert.
The same phenomenon is visible when considering countries' gender equality. Men from Spain or the US are more likely to marry partners from countries with low gender equality. In contrast, Spanish and American women rarely marry men from countries with low gender equality. An exception is American women. They are often in relationships with Mexican men.

So native men are more likely to marry foreign spouse from a less developed countries in places like SEA, Latin America, Eastern Europe, while native women are more likely to marry someone from developed countries and Western Europe. However, this trend changes depending on the region, with native women in Europe being more likely to marry someone from Africa and the Middle East compared to their male counterparts for example.
Native men are also more likely to be in relationships with a larger age gap compared to native women, although there has been slight increase in the latter:

When women from the US or Spain marry foreign men, the age difference is generally small. However, Annika Elwert's research shows that it has become more common for Swedish and Spanish women to have younger partners from less developed countries. This is not the case among American women.

Here is the full summary of the study: https://www.soc.lu.se/en/article/women-and-men-show-more-similarities-when-choosing-foreign-partner
Here is the full study which has more details and graphs: Read the article published in Population and Development Review
My basic summary of the studies is:
European men (Spain and Sweden), tend to marry partners from Asia, Latin America, and Eastern Europe, with notable gender disparities seen in marriages with Russian/Latin American women in Spain and largest age gaps in marriages with African women. European women from these countries are more likely to marry partners from neighboring regions, Western Europe, Africa, and the Middle East, with significant gender disparities observed in marriages with men from Africa. While European women are much less likely to marry younger partners from developing countries, there's a slight uptick in such unions, (particularly with Eastern European men interestingly enough), although this trend isn't mirrored in the US despite US women being more likely to marry men from developing countries then their European counterparts.
In the US, similarities exist between native men and European men in terms of marrying partners from Asia and Eastern Europe, with pronounced gender disparities seen in marriages with partners from Asia and age gaps being the largest with SEA Asian women and Certain Eastern European countries (Russia/Ukraine). US women are more likely to marry partners from Lebanon, Turkey, and India. Interestingly, there's less of a gender gap in marrying partners from Latin America in the US, although preferences vary by individual countries within Latin America. Native US men are more likely to marry someone from Colombia, Venezuela, Brazil, El Salvador and Peru while native US women are more likely to marry someone from Mexico, The Caribbean, Jamaica, Cuba, Guatemala, Panama and Argentina.
Regarding, developed countries, US women are slightly more likely to marry partners from Western Europe and Canada, while US men are more likely marry partners from East Asia.
Anyways, are there any surprises by the study's results? Or did it confirm something’s you already suspected?

1) The contract situation: If we get Saros we're most likely signing him to an extension. I can't see the Leafs trading him at the deadline nor can I see them just letting him walk at the end of the year for nothing. This likely means we're looking at a contract between 6-8 years north of 8 million. This is problematic for a number of reasons:
a) Goalies tend not to age very well. Even generational/hall of fame goalies such as Brodeur, Price and Lundqvist to name a few have trouble playing past 35 whilst being elite and living up to their contract. Signing Saros to a long term contract would mean we're primarily paying him when he's past his prime. This is a big concern.
b) We've been developing Woll for 8 years, and signing Saros to a fat extension pretty much means we've relegated Woll as a secondary option or a trade piece. For someone whose shown so much potential and come up big in key moments, this just doesn't make a lot of sense. Granted, Wolls injury concerns are totally valid but it still doesn't mean we have to give up on him as a Starter entirely.
2) Saros' track record: There's no denying that Saros is a high end goalie, but I think he's being slightly overrated. He's started more than 40 games 3 times in his career, 2 of which were very respectable (but not other worldly) and this past season which was below average. This is in conjunction with a playoff record where he's been below average: -1.2 GSAA and of his 16 playoff starts only half of them have been qualified as a quality start. Playing Goalie in Toronto is extremely challenging and so far in his career Saros just hasn't shown he can carry a team in the playoffs.
3) The benefits of getting Askarov: I've seen people say Nashville would never trade Askarov but they were shopping him last year, and they're looking for a high end forward, so I think it's very realistic they trade him. There would be a lot of benefits if we traded for him instead of Saros:
a) He's on an entry level contract for the next few years which means we'll have 30M this offseason to reshape the team. That would allow us to sign 2 top 4 RD and a 2C like Lindholm and still have 10M to play with to fill out the rest of the team.
b) You can let him and Woll share the net and see who emerges as the true starter. Woll has shown he can make huge saves and play in big moments so having him go 50/50 with Askarov in the regular season and then take the net in the playoffs would be a great short term plan while Askarov gets more experience.
c) If Askarov flourishes and wants a bigger role we own his RFA rights so there's a lot more flexibility in terms of what we can do with him. With Saros, we'd be signing him long term, relegating Woll to a backup and hoping Saros works out. With Askarov, if he outgrows his role we have a good problem with two capable goalies and can flip one for other assets. The flexibility here can't be understated.
4) You dont need a bonafide top 5 goalie to win the cup: This isn't to say having one is bad, just that it's not necessary. With Goaltending, its about getting hot at the right time. Vegas won the cup recently with what was originally a 3rd stringer. Binnington came out of nowhere and carried the Blues in '19, likewise with Matt Murray in 16/17 for the Pens. In his short time here Woll has shown a tendency to just come up huge and make big saves. I remember there was a point this year where he'd stopped like 18-20 shots in a row in 3v3 over multiple games which is impressive when you consider those are all essentially high danger chances. Take that in conjunction with how he played in the playoffs and you can see my point about how you just need someone to make big saves and get hot at the right time, Woll can do that.
Having Askarov and Woll as a tandem would allow for a cheap, flexible option in goal that allows us to spend on other parts of our roster. We don't need either of them to be Vezina winners to have success, just to make key saves and not let a shitty soft goal in. The amount of cap room we would have by taking on Askarov and dumping Marner would allow us to fill every hole we've been talking about for years. We would also likely get other pieces back with Askarov which would help us out even more. If you get a player like Luke Evangelista you've suddenly replaced 45 of Marner's 95 points for 800k.
From Nashville's perspective, they're trying to win a cup and given they can add one of the best RW in the league without moving any contracts out, or removing a player from their roster that finished with nearly 100 points is exactly the kind of trade they'd make. They've wanted a high end forward for years and now they can finally get one, and they'd be trading from a position of strength to make it happen.
For Marner, he can go to one of the most beloved markets for players, get paid as much as he wants, have a low profile and still be on a competitive team.

I can neither confirm or deny the possibility of roaches in my home. I have not seen any, I did have sticky traps setup all around my house for several months and caught nothing aside from the occasional spider and centipede. However I continue to to find what I believe to be feces of some kind, little black specs showing up randomly even right after I have cleaned. Some vacuum with ease, others smear and some are literally like paint and have to be scraped up. Here's my concern, my house is 164 years old, there all kinds of gross, scray crawlspaces, an attic and no insulation in most of the latthe and plaster walls, in other words empty voids, tons of places for creatures to hide. As a result of the lack of insulation stuff blows around quite a bit indoors so it's possible the majority of what I find is general debris blowing around, it's also possible there could be a breeding population tucked away underneath floors, in walls etc and that feces along with other debris is blowing around out from crevices, etc. Because I have yet to see one or any body parts I have assumed that I don't have them. However I have had a lot of used electronics shipped to me and it's very possible I have picked some up that way and that there are enough excellent hiding spots that they aren't venturing far from. I had several ongoing unknown to me plumbing leaks that have now all been fixed. I bought some alpine to give me piece of mind, figuring if I sprayed then maybe I would know for sure. The question is where to apply it specifically if I have no guess as to where they even could be? There's far to many cracks and crevices, so many that I wouldn't even know where to start to be honest, I certainly am not even aware of every possible harborage point of my home. They don't seem to be in the typical places, meaning so far, appliances and electronics seem to show no signs. There is a crack in my fridge seal but haven't been able to confirm or deny anything in there as of yet Kind of a what would you do post I guess. Lastly I have seen several baby spiders and baby centipedes to the point it seems both are breeding in here which also has me concerned as they are likely feeding on something perhaps keeping a growing population in check?

Yesterday, when taking my old girl Doom (sweetest black lab in the world) to the vetco I was walking around the store nervously looking to get a treat for her. And that's when I saw them. The most polite little ratties I've ever seen. They seemed pretty interested in me, too. My mom was there with me, a fellow rat lover, and she was impressed by how fast we clicked. The only issue is I live with my grandma...who does NOT like rats, which means I'll need to keep them in my bedroom. Hardwood floor, but does have plenty of space for me to put up a nice enclosure. (They'll probably not be restricted to the cage unless I'm at work, asleep, or otherwise can't be with them.)
What should I have prepared for them, apart from like, the big metal frame? I was thinking of getting a buffer for the floor they couldn't chew through and then putting some paper chips down on it, and of course water, hammocks, and toys, but that's all I got so far..
Oh! I also have names for them so far. I want to name any future rats after the female companions from the Castlevania series, that being Sypha, Maria, and Charlotte! (Not Shanoa though because she's the protagonist of her game) Only looking into girls right now as I understand they're a bit easier in general

Context is at the end of this post __________________________________________________
In the stormy northern seas lies the island of Amaria. Under the polar lights in cold forests live the descendants of the once great Varaki, who in turn followed the mammoth herds across the steppes for countless eons. These are the gods and spirits of this land. They live in every tree, every lake, every star, deep below the ocean and beyond the polar lights in four domains.
The underworld, a place of transition between life, death and rebirth. It was made after the creation of the material to help souls find their way back to life. The spirits of this domain all take the shape of dragons with red eyes and golden patterns.

• Räkimarak: Lord of the underworld and of all its riches. Every stone, flint and gems alike, belong to him. A great violet dragon with enormous antlers. He reviews the lives of all that died and guides them to the new lives they deserve. Father of all dragons of the underworld.
• Idaka: Wife of Räkimarak, goddess of love and beauty. She resides at the darkest place, where her light shines the brightest. A violet dragon with a frill and wings of red rose petals with golden patterns. She stands for all encompassing unconditional love and reunites loving souls in their next lives. Mother of all dragons of the underworld.
• Kimorak: Firstborn son of Räkimarak and Idaka, guide of souls who escorts the souls of the dead into the underworld. A great black dragon with golden horns. Every mortal he touches sees and feels their life in great detail from the point of view of those they affected. In the process, mortals always see something they need to see.
• Galorak: Lord of caves and their denizes, bats. A small black dragon with bat ears and a bat nose. Caves are entrances to the underworld and bats are its sacred animals. They are not to be harmed. But since they are also messengers of death, one must keep a safe distance. Don't disturb the bats or Galorak may convince his older brother to take you too soon.
• Letorak: Messenger of the underworld. A small black dragon with golden antlers. Whenever Kimorak takes a soul, they often have something to tell their loved ones. Something they didn't have the time or the courage to say in life. It is Letorak's task to convey these messages through dreams.
• Vhedurak: The white dragon who heals souls between death and rebirth, so they don't take wounds from one life to the next.
• Ohnarak: Craftsman of the underworld. A great yellow dragon who can make anything out of the riches of this realm.
• Vahirak: Builder of the underworld. A great brown dragon with antlers he can use to dig new caves or cover up old ones as needed.
• Voomarak and Vothorak: The great hunters keeping the underworld free of demons preying on scared souls. Two emerald dragon who can turn invisible. The younger brother Voomarak has golden horns and is also the patron of boys and unmarried men. The older brother Vothorak has great golden antlers and is also the patron of married men.
• Mokorak, Kaharak, Roporak and Sukorak: The four golden-headed red dragons guarding the entrances to the underworld. Mokorak has the ears and nose of a bat, Kaharak has four horns, Roporak great antlers and Sukorak the wings and head of a barn owl.
• Tathorak: The great beast, god of violence and bloodshed, the only dragon of this realm who is not a son of Räkimarak and Idaka. A huge gray dragon with three heads, three tails and three pairs of wings. The most powerful beast in the cosmos, but devoid of empathy or understanding. He is imprisoned at the second deepest, darkest point of the underworld, where he guards the only being living even deeper below, the Nameless One.

The boundaries. This is the realm of souls and spirits, dreams and nightmares, the skies and oceans and all waters deep and shallow. This domain has existed before time even began. It is endless and timeless.

• Kavijohka: The moon, a great silver dragon with glowing teal eyes. Sister of Räkimarak and goddess of wisdom, cunning and battle.
• Vellamun: The ocean, husband of Kavijohka, a great blue dragon with red eyes and golden patterns. God of the unknown and lord of all waters. Sometimes, he stretches his hands out to land, creating bogs and swamps.
• Lukilan: The morning star, son of Kavijohka and Vellamun. He is the lightbringer who gives people the power of sight. An azure dragon with emerald eyes and a golden morning star on every scale and a third eye on his forehead.
• Sojulan: The great traveller, son of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a black dragon with red eyes and the neck and wings of a black swan. He travels between the waters, land and air and protects all fellow travelers.
• Turikan: Lord of storms, thunder and lightning. The loudest and most unruly son of Kavijohka and Vellamun. A blue dragon with red eyes and a golden lightning pattern on his scales. His tail is like a hammer, hurling lightning bolts at the ground as he roars.
• Lumika: Goddess of magic, daughter of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a silver dragon with teals eyes and scales shimmering with polar lights. She continues in the footsteps of her mother.
• Ilunika: Goddess of grief, daughter of Kavijohka and Vellamun, a silver dragon with teal eyes and the neck and wings of a black swan. She travels to and from the world of the living and the dead to take the grief of letting go upon her. Whenever she crosses the boundary, she has to go through the ocean and that is where tears comes from. That is why they are salty.
• Avastaja: The great trickster. A shapeshifter, usually appearing with the attributes of a barn owl. Most often as an owl-headed human or a fox/dragon with the head and wings of an owl. The youngest child of Kavijohka and Vellamun who defies all boundaries, uses the powers of all his/her siblings (except for Ilunika, because Avastaja has standards) to protect the jesters and jokers. But he/she is also a scolar and explorer, who uses Lukilan's light to find new ways to mess with people.
• Aiwana: Wife of Avastaja and goddess of memory. A shapeshifter, usually taking the same shape as her husband/wife Avastaja. She paints everything she sees into the skies and caves of Amaria and lives in every single one of the most sacred objects of all Amaria, the fairy memory stones. But Avastaja is rubbing off on her and sometimes, she plays tricks on you.
• The Ashirana: Goddesses of the arts, each of which has its own Ashiran patron. One for painters, wood carvers, musicians and for storytellers.

The world of the living. This is our material world.

• Kadath: The sun, greatest of all dragons with shining golden scales and golden eyes. God of justice who sees all... during the day that is. At night, his sister Kavijohka rules and she has a different idea of justice. Sometimes, she tries to turn the day to night, causing an eclipse. But in the end, Kadath always wins these confrontations. Especially when people light fires and cheer him on.
• Inari: Mother nature, goddess of life and all plants and animals. A great green dragon with wings and a frill made of flowers. She provides all food, but only as long as nature is in balance. Unlike her husband Kadath, Inaro does not care about justice, only balance. Those who anger her are punished mercilessly, no matter how long it takes, sometimes more than they deserve.
• Ilmania: Goddess of healing, firstborn daughter of Kadath and Inari. She was the first fairy, a tall woman with long pointy ears. Her descendant, although far shorter, are still endowed with her healing powers and compassion.
• Vrila: Protector of the home and hearth, patron of married women and the goddess of affectionate familiar love between equals. Secondborn daughter of Kadath and Inari. A woman, always accompanied by a cat and carrying a sling. The weapon of a lady, which requires skill and finesse instead of strong arms and can be more deadly than a bow in the right hands.
• Aria: Protector of girls and unmarried women, goddess of erotic love. A young woman with hair reaching to her ankles. She often reincarnates among mortals for fun. That is why the Amarians do not look down on women looking for fun. They might be dealing with a goddess in disguise.
• Mahaseta: The great white mammoth, goddess of the old world of Varaki. She and Inari together created dogs to protect humanity from dangers of the material and other worlds. All forest elephants and mammoths are her children and as such, sacred. But she was not born a goddess. Mahaseta was born a human. When Avastaja wanted to prove to the others that the material world and humanity are worth preserving, he appeared to Mahaseta in the most terrifying form and ordered her to sacrifice one of her own children to him. But Mahaseta refused. First she begged for the lives of all her children, then she offered her own life instead and when Avastaja refused, she spat in his face. No punishment could be worse than having to murder your own child. With these words, Mahaseta ascended to godhood.
• Retaro: Son of Mahaseta, who became a god by his mother's love. A great white tiger with blue eyes. Guardian of Amaria, lord of the forests and god of the hunt.
• Red Lady and Blue Knight: Also known as the Blue Lady and Red Knight. A pair of lovers who find each other in every new life they are born into. Living as mortals, they are the paragons of loyalty for all Amarians.

Evil. This is not actually a domain, but a state of mind. A very lonely one.

• The Nameless One: God of Evil, who goes by many false names. He lures mortals in with impossible promises to make them do his bidding. The Nameless One orders blood sacrifice and the killing of those who disobey him. He demands to worshiped and praised every day and is jealous of all those gods who receive praise without asking for it. Thus, the Nameless One also seeks to be the only one. No matter the cost to everyone else or even himself.

__________________________________________________
Context: I am currently working on a stone age fantasy novel and I'm sooo close to finishing it, but the last couple chapters are taking longer than expected. It's set on a forested island named Amaria\ at a time when people are making their first steps towards sedentary life and domestication** of plants and animals. Here is the pantheon I worked out for the Amarians.*
You can read my novel for free on Wattpad and Inkitt. I am planning to publish it on Royal Road too. If you know any other platform that might be good for fantasy stories, feel free to tell me.
\Amaria is short for "Amara Aria", which translates to "Gift of the gods/spirits". Aria means gift and Amara is the plural of Amar. The term Amar can not be literally translated into English. It's an umbrella term for all sorts of nature spirits, gods as well as entities one might compare to angels or saints. So it refers to a person with transcendent characteristics and always carries positive connotations.*
\*Dogs have been domesticated by the ancestors of the Amarians for tens of thousands of years already and are central to their culture. It is believed that they have the same souls as humans, so eating a dog would be considered cannibalism. So far the only other note on domestication I have in the books is the pruning of hazelnut trees to get more nuts. That's something I will change in later drafts. Nightshades will be far more important to the civilization emerging on Amaria in the coming millennia.*

The truth is, I’ve never experienced a relationship. I’ve never kissed someone, I’ve never been with someone sensually and I never had a deep conversation with someone. I never had that chance to have a connection with someone and I feel like there aren’t people out there who truly understand what I’m dealing with. I’m not perfect and unfortunately people strive for perfection. I've pretty confidence when it comes to looks face wise but I'm not confident when it comes to my body. I’ve always put in the effort and truly want to experience loving someone. I’ve always wanted to experience silly moments. I’ve always wanted to enjoy company with someone where I can put overthinking aside. I've always wanted someone that I can grow with sensually. I’m someone who enjoys moments of quiet without expecting someone to talk to me. I believe being comfortable is key to having good communication. I know saying all of this is meaningless for some because preferences are key but that’s just how I’ve been thinking lately. I don’t mind any culture or race and I wish people judged based on personality.
My life a years ago while suffering through depression and anxiety affected me greatly. I’ve been dealing with negative energy which caused me to be unestablished with life with no type of motivational goals. I was extremely overweight lying in bed all day doing nothing but playing games. My family had put a lot of their problems on me, and I was usually the scapegoat for their narcissistic traits. Regardless, I am still grateful because my life could have been worse. While my parent’s gave me a hard time, I am still able to pursue life goals and bettering myself with a roof over my head, which is why I will always be grateful for them. While my life now has changed a lot. I am still in the process of self improvement. Currently I’m finishing up my first year in college studying for a technology degree. I’ve always wanted to experience college and I also wanted to have a good future with a degree that can open multiple opportunities for me. I’ve also lost a significant amount of weight. I don’t have the “ideal” body that most look for, but I’ve been feeling better for myself recently which is all I need. Self care plays a major role in changing my wellbeing. I picked up some new hobbies along the way. I’ve been fascinated with aquariums and aqua scaping. I’ve been in love with nature and everything to do with it. I’ve also started watching more shows and movies.
If you’ve reached the end, I appreciate you giving me the time to even read this. I don’t like sharing my name randomly, but you can call me Ken for now. I’m willing to show my picture so don’t be afraid to ask. My height is 5’9, I’m a black American with a light skin complexion. I wear glasses, I don’t have any tattoos, I don’t have any piercings, I don’t smoke or do drugs, I drink on special occasions but would be nice to finally have someone to casually drink with, I normally dress presentable, I smile a lot and tend to be silly, I don’t mind any humor. I lean more to be extremely introverted which gave me my shy and awkward traits, I am respectful and treat people how I want to be treated. I love to game, especially on PC. I’m always down to trying a variety but my favorites so far have been anything from Tom Clancy or a game to vibe to whether it’s Mine Craft or some old 2d games like maple story. I love watching streams especially GTA RP, I love watching YouTube, I love watching anime and reading manga. When I’m not too focused on college I tend to do them more. I don’t mind going out, which is something I would love to get more comfortable with. I’m always willing to try new hobbies.
All that I can ask from you is to be patient with me. Most importantly, JUST BE YOU. Besides interest being the most important thing when it comes to connecting, I would appreciate someone closer to me in NYC or train distance. I will consider another distance if the connection is right. My personality and hobbies are very important when it comes to connecting so I would appreciate it if you’re similar in thar regards. I tend to stick to one person than multiple people at one time. I want to be able to understand you how you would understand me. Before you talk to me, understand that I’m in the process of improving my life. That means, don’t expect a 27 year old to be established with everything. I’m working on it. So please, to avoid certain spams, can you tell me about yourself just like how I did in this post of mine. Thank you.

Today a customer came through the drive thru and told us she had a mobile order for “Mark” (fake name) we looked around for said order and couldn’t find it. asked her if she placed it at the right location, and she repeated our address out saying that was the location of her pick up. we then asked her what was in her order, she gave us the exact order of one we had but with a different name. “could it be under megan? we have that same exact order but for a megan” she goes “oh! i don’t know, i mean my name IS megan, but i paid with my husbands car; so i thought it’d be under his name…“ did mark set up your app with his name???
the way my store manager and i looked at each other with the SAME dumbfounded look. she wasn’t even like extremely young or extremely old, she was probs older gen z or younger millennial.

https://chatgpt.com/share/456fd552-c9ea-475b-8fc0-566086d13669
**[Ace Attorney Video Script: Hydrocity vs. Hydro City]**
**[Scene: Courtroom]**
**[Phoenix Wright, Defense Attorney]**
Ladies and gentlemen of the court, we are gathered here today to determine the correct pronunciation of a particular Zone from the Sonic the Hedgehog series. Is it "Hydrocity" or "Hydro City"?
**[Miles Edgeworth, Prosecutor]**
Your Honor, the prosecution intends to prove that the correct pronunciation is "Hydro City." We will present linguistic and contextual evidence to support this claim.
**[Judge]**
Very well, Mr. Edgeworth. You may proceed.
**[Edgeworth]**
Thank you, Your Honor. Our first piece of evidence is the etymology of the word "Hydrocity." It is a compound word, composed of "Hydro," meaning water, and "City," implying a metropolis or urban area. Therefore, it should be pronounced "Hydro City," two separate words.
**[Phoenix Wright]**
Objection! Your Honor, while it may seem logical to split the word into "Hydro" and "City," we must also consider the context within the game itself. This Zone features high-speed underwater sections, which can be interpreted as "Hydro" relating to water, and "City" to the speed and interconnected paths, creating a fast-paced "city" of water tunnels. Thus, "Hydrocity" as one word could signify a unique name rather than a simple compound.
**[Judge]**
Hmm, interesting points from both sides. Mr. Wright, do you have any supporting evidence?
**[Phoenix Wright]**
Yes, Your Honor. Let me present Exhibit A: the official Sonic the Hedgehog 3 manual. The manual consistently refers to it as "Hydrocity Zone" without any space, indicating a single word. Furthermore, the Zone names in Sonic games are often unique, stylized titles rather than straightforward descriptions.
**[Edgeworth]**
But, Mr. Wright, that does not necessarily dictate pronunciation. Words can be written without spaces yet pronounced as separate words. For example, "Greenhill" could still be pronounced as "Green Hill."
**[Phoenix Wright]**
Objection! The developers of Sonic the Hedgehog have occasionally weighed in on this debate. Yuji Naka, one of the creators of Sonic, once tweeted that it is pronounced "Hydrocity," emphasizing the single-word nature of the name. While not an official decree, it does provide insight into the intended pronunciation.
**[Edgeworth]**
Even so, Mr. Wright, we must consider the player's perspective. Many players naturally read it as "Hydro City," influenced by common English compound word structures. This pronunciation has become widespread and accepted among the gaming community.
**[Phoenix Wright]**
Your Honor, the interpretation and acceptance by the community are indeed significant. However, we must also honor the creator's intent and the unique naming conventions within the Sonic series. If "Hydrocity" was meant to be a unique title, it should be respected as such.
**[Judge]**
I see. Both arguments present compelling evidence. This is a challenging decision. However, given the creator's insight and the manual's presentation as a single word, I am inclined to lean towards "Hydrocity" as the intended pronunciation. Nevertheless, I acknowledge the validity of the community's perspective on "Hydro City."
**[Edgeworth]**
The prosecution accepts this conclusion, Your Honor. Language can evolve, and both pronunciations can coexist.
**[Judge]**
Indeed. Therefore, the court concludes that while "Hydrocity" may be the intended pronunciation, "Hydro City" remains a valid and widely accepted alternative. Court is adjourned!
**[Scene Ends]**
**[Narrator]**
And so, the debate over "Hydrocity" and "Hydro City" finds a balanced resolution. Whether you speed through the Zone as one word or two, the adventure remains just as thrilling.

uh so, this is probably the same for everyone, but like, im pretty pre-trans ig, i havent really done much so im not counting myself as trans or anything yet.
I told a few close friends of mine about this, and a few online friends, as they dont have any chance of telling my parents or anyone from my school.
It just feels like for the past weekend someones been drilling a hole through my head. Like most of the time i have these feeling that i wanna be a girl, but then a little part of me still wants to be a boy. That part of me is getting slimmer by day, but yk.
Now yeah, i did think of coming out or just saying im non binary for a bit, but i dont really agree with that tbh. I only really agree with the Lesbian, gay, bi, trans and queer. So thats kinda out the window ig.
Honestly, i dont mean to be transphobic but im actually embarrassed. Im 13, im still in school. Cant name a single person from my secondary school with these issues. Had some people from my Primary School (2) who did, one of those i have told at the moment of speaking. They were both transmen however.
I dont have anyone in the real world to relate to at all, still wanna join the army like i always dreamed of doing in the RAF, but, they dont really like trans people there.
I dont even know why im writing this at all. I just dont know anymore.

So at my workplace they fired me over some bs stuff but I wanted to put a review for how the company really is and here is that review(ALL IS TRUE): Do you know a company that has intoxicated workers moving heavy equipment putting other people/workers at risk? Do you know a company that has supervisors that get pleasure out of harassing workers/making derogatory comments to them, while others witnesses? Do you know a company despite all of that chooses to fire a worker just because they think that he might leave in the far future(which was clarified he was not)even though he works hard,showed up despite being harassed everyday, right before his vacation, and not intoxicated on job sites. Pffft I know a company Dont get me wrong there some good people despite this, but the people that run it If you want to support a company like this by all means do it, but only if you’re willing support/fund a company that treats people like third world country dogs "the company name here"

The truth is, I’ve never experienced a relationship. I’ve never kissed someone; I’ve never been with someone sexually and I never had a deep conversation with someone. I never had that chance to have a connection with someone and I feel like there aren’t people out there who truly understand what I’m dealing with. I’m not perfect and unfortunately people strive for perfection. I've pretty confidence when it comes to looks face wise but I'm not confident when it comes to my body. I’ve always put in the effort and truly want to experience loving someone. I’ve always wanted to experience silly moments. I’ve always wanted to enjoy company with someone where I can put overthinking aside. I've always wanted someone that I can grow with sexually. I’m someone who enjoys moments of quiet without expecting someone to talk to me. I believe being comfortable is key to having good communication. I know saying all of this is meaningless for some because preferences are key but that’s just how I’ve been thinking lately. I don’t mind any culture or race and I wish people judged based on personality.
My life a years ago while suffering through depression and anxiety affected me greatly. I’ve been dealing with negative energy which caused me to be unestablished with life with no type of motivational goals. I was extremely overweight lying in bed all day doing nothing but playing games. My family had put a lot of their problems on me, and I was usually the scapegoat for their narcissistic traits. Regardless, I am still grateful because my life could have been worse. While my parent’s gave me a hard time, I am still able to pursue life goals and bettering myself with a roof over my head, which is why I will always be grateful for them. While my life now has changed a lot. I am still in the process of self improvement. Currently I’m finishing up my first year in college studying for a technology degree. I’ve always wanted to experience college and I also wanted to have a good future with a degree that can open multiple opportunities for me. I’ve also lost a significant amount of weight. I don’t have the “ideal” body that most look for, but I’ve been feeling better for myself recently which is all I need. Self care plays a major role in changing my wellbeing. I picked up some new hobbies along the way. I’ve been fascinated with aquariums and aqua scaping. I’ve been in love with nature and everything to do with it. I’ve also started watching more shows and movies.
If you’ve reached the end, I appreciate you giving me the time to even read this. I don’t like sharing my name randomly, but you can call me Ken for now. I’m willing to show my picture so don’t be afraid to ask. My height is 5’9, I’m a black American with a light skin complexion. I wear glasses, I don’t have any tattoos, I don’t have any piercings, I don’t smoke or do drugs, I drink on special occasions but would be nice to finally have someone to casually drink with, I normally dress presentable, I smile a lot and tend to be silly, I don’t mind any humor. I lean more to be extremely introverted which gave me my shy and awkward traits, I am respectful and treat people how I want to be treated. I love to game, especially on PC. I’m always down to trying a variety but my favorites so far have been anything from Tom Clancy or a game to vibe to whether it’s Mine Craft or some old 2d games like maple story. I love watching streams especially GTA RP, I love watching YouTube, I love watching anime and reading manga. When I’m not too focused on college I tend to do them more. I don’t mind going out, which is something I would love to get more comfortable with. I’m always willing to try new hobbies.
All that I can ask from you is to be patient with me. Most importantly, JUST BE YOU. Besides interest being the most important thing when it comes to connecting, I would appreciate someone closer to me in NYC or train distance. I will consider another distance if the connection is right. My personality and hobbies are very important when it comes to connecting so I would appreciate it if you’re similar in thar regards. I tend to stick to one person than multiple people at one time. I want to be able to understand you how you would understand me. Before you talk to me, understand that I’m in the process of improving my life. That means, don’t expect a 27 year old to be established with everything. I’m working on it. So please, to avoid certain spams, can you tell me about yourself just like how I did in this post of mine. Thank you.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
That will be a long and chaotic post, I'll try to organise it somehow but it's all complex.
My partner (39M) and I (female, turning 30 this Friday) have been together for 2.5 year and always been good communicators, but in the last few months things have been getting haywire and completely out of control, and I just don't know what to do anymore.
We both come from a cPTSD background (sexual and physical abuse, being raised by narcissistic mothers, homelessness), mine is sadly worse due to extra abuse suffered from partners and some workplaces, also doing some occasional sex work for food when homeless. Basically, thanks to capitalism (yay), I have never felt safe in my life, even after moving 3000km away from my abusive family - basically every morning I wake up wondering if I still have a job and whether I won't get evicted.
I went through some cPTSD therapy (EMDR as well) before meeting him and I thought I fixed myself, but the relationship unleashed new hell on me. I fully acknowledge I started the problems, as I've severely violated his boundaries several times and didn't see the pattern until we've had several horrendous arguments. Part of this was because my partner has been raised to always bottle things up and people please, so I never really know if he means something is not a problem or he just doesn't want to say it and it will blow out weeks or months later.
Anyway, we worked through the worst problems, when he got more knowledge about the extent of my trauma and some very toxic things I was made to believe where normal, he acknowledges that I don't perpetuate some patterns consciously. I signed up to therapy (despite it being a huge financial burden), I do all I can to control myself, be very nice to him, spend quality time together etc.
HOWEVER. I work in an extremely toxic environment where the goalposts are moving every single day, there's a fuckton of manipulation, what boss says is not what he means, workers are pitted against each other etc. The workplace is actively re-traumatising me daily, but I need to keep this job for several reasons. My partner knows it. And yet, he blames me for having meltdowns, and it always follows the same pattern. Just to give you an example, from today:

• I've been verbally abused for 6h straight by 15 people at work, so when my partner told me in a rather disappointed tone "Well, you HAVE TO keep on attending therapy", I felt like he's attacking me for not doing enough.
• I got triggered but recognised I'm spiralling out into a full-blown panic attack, so I went downstairs and told him "Look, I know you wanted to encourage me that therapy is the right thing, but the way you worded it triggered me, because it felt like (description here of how my mother would use semantics to trick me into fake feeling of safety and then abuse me". I've been getting extremely triggered (and still having another few hours of getting berated at work) so I started actually screaming my explanation at him without realising it, BUT without any blaming, names etc.
• He got all triggered and said I berate him and accuse him of being like my narcissistic mother, that all is always his fault etc. and then went into his trauma response. His trauma response is completely shutting down and getting mad, and any attempts of explaining the situation are "excuses, lies, attacks" etc.
• Seeing where it's going and not wanting another week-long argument right before a lovely b-day weekend we had planned, I tried to get through to him, reassure him that nobody is blaming him, that I specifically said I'm triggered to let him know I have a trauma reaction, that I try to provide data so that he understands why I got so triggered by a sentence he meant as reassurance. I apologised for screaming, explained I didn't realise I was yelling, tried to get through to him. But he just started bringing back up all the problems we've already worked through, said I always CHOOSE to abuse him, that I always punish him for being too good to me, that clearly the therapy is not working because I can't control myself (I've just started, after 30 years of difficult life with no help!), that nothing ever is my fault, that trauma is not an excuse. I tried to point out to him that he's having a trauma response as well and that why I always try to use safe words, non-accusation wording, provide him with more data etc. I pointed out to him that I like to know about his triggers to avoid setting them off, and that's why I try to explain my triggers to him too, even though the yelling was clearly wrong. And he just took it as more personal attack and started yelling how I choose to attack him whenever things go right, how I'm a liar, manipulator, abuser, I chose to have a meltdown, he doesn't need therapy because it's just me ruining everything etc. and stormed out, swearing, saying how I'm ruining his life. He also got mad at my therapist because they "provide me with more excuses" because they said I'm in fact being so re-traumatised at work I have stress levels as if I was at war.

I don't know how to get to him. I try my very best to address 30 years of severe abuse, but right now the dynamic is shifting towards "Every single thing in our relationship is your fault, I don't have any trauma responses" and I really don't like that dynamic. But when I try to bring that up, he gets even madder. He also doesn't cool down when left alone, just spirals out more and more.
He's ADHD (diagnosed), I'm autistic + cPTSD + chronic pain (also diagnosed).
Again, apologies for this massive rant, I just feel so confused and alone. It's like he's becoming a completely different person than the one I've loved, and I feel like I'm no longer allowed to have any negative emotions / reactions because suddenly it's all "abuse".

This is a PSA to everyone in this sub about a scam call I just received. I just got a call from a number that showed up as my carrier on my call display, but the number looked weird. I answered it just in case. From the get-go everything seemed off; they mentioned that they were applying a loyalty discount (fine, I've been with them forever) but the discount was 30% off my bill (insane discount for a notoriously stingy carrier) because I've accrued 378 loyalty points (carrier doesn't do loyalty points). They say i don't have to do anything or pay anything, that they will just apply my discount. I reply "please apply the discount". Then the hook: they ask to confirm my pin so that they can apply the discount. I laughed quite loudly at the question, and they immediately hung up.
PSA everyone: just because call display tells you one thing, it doesn't mean you can or should automatically trust it.

REALLY LONG POST AHEAD‼️
hello sa lahat, maraming salamat sa mga magagandang salita at advices na iniwan niyo sa last post ko, i finally had the courage to face them yesterday.
to anyone reading this and haven't read the first post i posted, this is the link: https://www.reddit.com/AkoBaYungGago/s/e1tpjPd2EU (diko kasi alam pano mag update, i'm new here sorry po)
anyways going back to the topic.
while working yesterday morning, i received a call from my friend (i reactivated my sim 2days ago) na baka daw pwede na bayaran yung utang ko kasi need na daw niya, nagulat ako kasi wala akong utang. biggest fear ko talaga mangutang kaya hindi ako nagka utang buong buhay ko, nagtanong ako sa kanya kung kailan ako nangutang sabi niya May 13 ako nangutang sa kanya, which is the day ng discharge sa hospital ng babaeng nabuntis ng kapatid ko.
sabi ko agad sa kanya wala akong utang at wala akong inutang, at sabi niya yung mama ko daw yung umutang, ico-confirm niya daw sana sakin pero di daw niya ako ma message sa fb at di niya ako matawagan that day kaya akala niya emergency talaga kasi yun yung sabi ng mama ko, for emergency purposes daw yung utang. 150k yung inutang sa kanya. nag reply lang ako na "wait lang ha, wala talaga akong inutang sayo ginamit ni mama pangalan ko sorry, pupunta ako ng bahay today" kasi this time nanginginig na ako, ayoko talaga sa mga utang utang.
kaya i sat down and gathered all my thoughts bago ko in-activate muli yung fb and messenger ko, at nireplyan sila, nag reply ako sa gc namin na pupunta ako sa bahay pero pag nauwi sa sigawan yung pag-uusap namin aalis ako at hindi na babalik. hindi ko sinabi muna sa kanila na alam kong umutang sila gamit pangalan ko.
nag reply yung mama ko na dalhin ko daw si jacob (yung anak ko) sabi ko hindi na, kasi usapang pangmatanda yung mangyayari at ayokong makita ng anak ko incase na magka-gulo kami. nag reply lang siya ng okay. (yung anak ko pala nasa friend ko kasama yaya niya, di parin kasi ako mapanatag na iwan sila kaya pinapunta ko muna sila dun. also i will be transferring my son to a new private school, thank you for the advices).
tbh, naninibago ako. nakita ko na kasi lahat ng messages nila nung araw na nalaman nilang umalis ako at dahil nga naka deact ako, wala ng bagong mga message after nun kasi hindi naman sila makaka-send ng message kapag nag deact ka. yung last message nila puro mura at puro masasakit na salita kaya mejo anxious ako to meet them kasi hindi ako sanay na kalma lang yung mama ko.
pumunta na ako sa bahay na sobrang kabado, pag pasok ko nasa sala lang silang tatlo (mama, lola at kapatid ko) unang pasok ko palang sabi ni mama sakin "aayain sana kitang kumain pero wala na kaming pagkain dito" kaya na feel ko agad na parang gusto nilang ma guilty ako sa ginawa ko, hindi ako umimik at umupo na lang.
pag upo ko sabi ko agad kay mama "bat ka po umutang kay toot?" (will not say her name na) "pano nyo po yun babayaran?" natahimik lang sila at umiyak bigla si mama ko. sinabi niya sakin;
"(name ko) hindi ko alam na ganyan ka pala, saan mo nakuha yung kakapalan ng mukha mo? kung hindi dahil sakin hinding hindi ka makakakuha ng trabaho! sinong tumulong sayong mag-alaga ng anak mo nung bagong panganak ka palang? akala mo ba makaka pag trabaho ka kung wala ako? hindi! kung wala ako, wala ka! ang kapal ng mukha mo wala kang utang na loob! pinahiya mo kami dun sa hospital! nandun yung pamilya ng babae napahiya kami!-" (non-verbatim)
bago pa siya makapag salita muli sinabi ko agad "kung magsisigawan lang po tayo uuwi na po ako, nilinaw ko kanina na kapag mag sisigawan tayo aalis nalang po ako." natahimik siya, kaya nagsalita ako. this time umiiyak na din ako.
"ma, may usapan tayo diba? bakit po kayo nag desisyon na parang kayo yung magbabayad? sinabi ko na before ma, na public nalang kasi sobrang mahal sa private, public nga ako nanganak noon wala pa akong kasama, sampu pa kami sa loob ng kwarto, pero kinaya ko ma, pano niyo po naisip ang ibang babae ngayon pero hindi nyo ako naisip noon? ni hindi nyo nga ako binisita nung nanganak ako" sabi ko.
tapos sabi niya lang "hindi dahil nag hirap ka, dapat din mag hirap ang ibang babae. iba yung noon sa ngayon! may pera ka na! kayang kaya mo naman! sinamahan ka naman ng papa mo noon, bakit ba bini-big deal mo? ginawa mo na nga kaming alipin dito sa bahay tiga luto at laba ng gamit mo at ng anak mo, tapos wala kang utang na loob? ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo! naghahanap ka lang siguro ng dahilan para maka-alis dito! sige umalis ka! wag ka babalik kapag namatay kami lahat dahil sayo!" non-verbatim lahat to kasi eto lang talaga yung mga na-alala ko. mejo mahaba yung sinabi niya pero yan yung tumatak sa utak ko.
kaya umiyak nalang ako ng umiyak, sumabat na dito yung lola ko, sabi niya. "diko akalain na kaya mong gawin yung ginawa mo, naiiba talaga ng pera ang tao." kaya sinabi ko lang din sa kanya;
"hindi ko din po inakala na kaya niyong gawin yung ginawa niyo kahit na may napagkasunduan na, wala po kayong respesto sa desisyon ko. ano po ba ako sa pamilyang to? kahit naman po kayo ni mama nag babantay sa anak ko noon nag bibigay naman po ako sainyo at wala po kayong gastos sa diaper at gatas ni jacob, hindi ko din po sinabing lutuan niyo ako, kumakain lang naman po ako kung ano yung niluluto kasi para satin naman yun lahat ah? pera ko din yung pinambili, kayo din po yung nag sabi na kayo yung maglalaba basta bigyan ko kayo ng allowance. simula ng mamatay si papa nung 2019, ako na yung nagbabayad sa lahat, so bakit niyo po isinusumbat? pwedeng pwede po ako kumuha ng katulong noon, pero kayo yung nag insist na wag na."
umiiyak lang ako this time, nilabas ko lang lahat ng nararamdaman ko, diko na masulat lahat naging mahaba usapan namin at hindi ko na maalala yung iba, pero nung natapos na akong magsalita. sinabi lang ng mama ko na tapusin na ang drama, kalimutan na ang lahat at okay lang daw na wala ako sa bahay basta ako parin daw yung magbabayad sa lahat, tubig, kuryente, wifi, groceries at tuition at allowance ng kapatid ko. sumabat din yung kapatid ko na 10k daw yung hinihingi ng babae na sustento kada buwan at babayaran ko daw yung 35k na naabono ng pamilya ng babae sa bills sa hospital since 150k lang yung nautang nila mama at 185k yung bill sa hospital.
nagulat ako sa mga sinabi nila, sa lahat ng sinabi ko nilabas ko na yung nararamdaman ko, iniisip pa din nila na ako magbabayad sa lahat, ni hindi man lang nag sorry sa ginawa nila, isa lang akong tao na may silbi sa buhay nila kasi may pera. hindi ko alam na sobrang sakit pala.
madami akong realizations after giving myself time to think, and at this moment i realized i no longer want to be surrounded with these type of people in my life, tinignan ko lang sila isa isa. ma mi-miss ko sila sobra, pero this has to stop. i was manipulated into thinking that things that are not okay are okay dahil "pamilya ko sila". ngayon ko lang nalaman na naging people pleaser ako dahil sinusunod ko lang noon gusto nilang gawin ko kahit minsan labag yun sa kalooban ko.
tumayo lang ako at nag lapag ng 100k, yun na yung last. wala na akong sinabi at lumabas na, feel ko din kasi pag may sasabihin ako wala ding silbi. tinawag ako ni mama ng pasigaw pero nagmadali na ako papuntang sasakyan at umalis, walang lingunan. hindi ko rin kasi talaga kaya na hindi magbigay kaya sorry sa magagalit, masyadong malambot puso ko para iwan talaga sila ng walang-wala.
sinabi ko din sa friend ko na hindi ko mababayaran yung 150k, sobra yung iniyak ko dahil dito. kawawa kasi yung kaibigan ko, she was my neighbor friend. ayaw na ayaw ko talagang may na-agrabyadong tao, pero this time pipiliin ko lang talaga yung dapat tamang gawin, natatakot kasi ako na pag babayaran ko, uulit sila mama na umutang gamit pangalan ko kasi alam nilang babayaran ko, kaya pinigilan ko sarili ko.
i'm choosing myself, my peace of mind and my mental health this time. this is me finally ending a toxic cycle. i no longer wanna be someone who's only kept in someone's life just because it benefits them. my son needs me, and staying with my "family" only worsens my mental health being. my son deserves a mentally healthy mother and most importantly a healthy environment.
to everyone who was kind enough to leave me messages, maraming salamat po! i'm currently at my apartment with my son, i bought cake yesterday. this is us celebrating for the things that should've ended a long time ago, i have no plans of going back and i will try my best na hindi na sila isipin. i know it will take me time but i will get there. thank you so much sa lahat! this is something i didn't expect to happen in 2024 but i'm glad it did. hoping for better days for me and for everyone reading. Godbless!

Campaign Name: The Curse of Stradh Revamped Available Spots: 2 Preferred Player Experience: semi experienced Preferred Player Age: 18+ Current level: 6 virtual tabletop: Talespire (only i need it and will stream it during sessions) additional requirement: a microphone as we will be playing in voice chat. Description: Helloo D&D and rpg enjoyers alike. my names Lenni and i am here since there are a couple free spots now for players interested in a modified version of curse of Stradh. By modified i mean i have a supplement book that i used before too to add more content and in general and improve in some parts of the module. but don't worry the vanilla experience will be kept intact. I have ran one full campaign of Curse of Stradh before with a group of friends and have been wanting to run it again for a while. The game is around halfway but it still is far from the end of the game so there are chances for personal plots. the campaign will be voice chat based no need for cameras though if you want to join fill the form here https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1ukbzVX08h2i7ITLd1pyIQ1aUG_QwFkW7Ott4LJTCXs0/edit If youre in concideration ill add you and give details in DM's. and most likely a interview