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The outbreak has begun, the dead are coming back to life, the survivors are organizing. What are you doing?
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Hey all, 33M in NYC. I’ve lived in the city for one year and I’ve mostly loved it. I lucked out and had a relatively easy time building community through hobbies like running and music. But I’ve been unfulfilled in my work life for over a year. After several months of not enjoying the (remote) job I had when I moved here, I took another one (also remote) and it turned out to be even worse — every day was a slog and the work was nothing like I envisioned. A few months ago, an old boss/mentor who I admire reached out about an opportunity they thought I’d be a great fit for, a sort of ‘leapfrog’ career move that would advance my career and is work I’m really interested in. It’s objectively a good opportunity, but it requires me to relocate to a place I’ve never had any desire to live and will be a drastic change in lifestyle. After a lot of back and forth and painful decision making process, I decided to take the job. Fast forward, I am two weeks away from leaving NYC and starting the job and I feel devastated to be leaving a life I love here after only one year. I am questioning how dissatisfied I really was with my job, if I wasn’t patient enough to continue looking for a new job here, if I should have just stuck it out longer, etc. When I took the job, I saw it as an opportunity to reposition/build my career for the long term and that a few years in a place I’m not excited about could be fine. But now I feel lost, sad, regretful, scared, embarrassed - all of it. Appreciate any thoughts or wisdom you have to share.
I am a 24F who has had rhabdo 7 times since i was 17 years old. The first time I got it was from severely overworking out based on my college soccer regimen, but since then (I quit college soccer) I have struggled tremendously with getting recurrent rhabdo while doing workouts that are not over strenuous. The first time I got rhabdo my CK was over 50,000.
I drink a ton of water, eat well, and am in good shape. There are months I spend going to the gym or running where I have no issues. But, every now and then, I feel that familiar pain and I head over to the ER.
I’ve learned to catch it super early now. I went back to the ER yesterday and my CK is only 2500. But it still is just a frustrating cycle of not being able to workout. I know this rhabdo will set me back 3 weeks at least before I’m comfortable trying to do something physical again. All i want to do is be able to work out normally!!!!!
I went to a Rheumatologist once and he told me “everyone’s CK spikes when they workout” and basically called me a stupid little girl. Any suggestions from anyone on what else to try?? I am so tired of not being able to just do a simple workout. (one time I got rhabdo from physical therapy after a knee injury—i swear i’m not working out too hard).
Hey all, 33M in NYC. I’ve lived in the city for one year and I’ve mostly loved it. I lucked out and had a relatively easy time building community through hobbies like running and music. But I’ve been unfulfilled in my work life for over a year. After several months of not enjoying the (remote) job I had when I moved here, I took another one (also remote) and it turned out to be even worse — every day was a slog and the work was nothing like I envisioned. A few months ago, an old boss/mentor who I admire reached out about an opportunity they thought I’d be a great fit for, a sort of ‘leapfrog’ career move that would advance my career and is work I’m really interested in. It’s objectively a good opportunity, but it requires me to relocate to a place I’ve never had any desire to live and will be a drastic change in lifestyle. After a lot of back and forth and painful decision making process, I decided to take the job. Fast forward, I am two weeks away from leaving NYC and starting the job and I feel devastated to be leaving a life I love here after only one year. I am questioning how dissatisfied I really was with my job, if I wasn’t patient enough to continue looking for a new job here, if I should have just stuck it out longer, etc. When I took the job, I saw it as an opportunity to reposition/build my career for the long term and that a few years in a place I’m not excited about could be fine. But now I feel lost, sad, regretful, scared, embarrassed - all of it. Appreciate any thoughts or wisdom you have to share.
Lately I been struggling with a high level of anxiety to the level that I feel it affecting me physically, i feel my chin hurting me so bad and a pain in my throat and it's making me feel really weak Does anyone know how to deal with it ?
Hi all. Currently on my 4th patch and have had the most painful headache constantly and terrible nausea. Anyone else experienced this? Is there anything that helps?
The patch isn’t even helping my pain so it feels like I’m going through the side effects for nothing!
Any advice is much appreciated
So I’m 30f, fairly active in my day-to-day, and around February, I started to notice swelling in my lower thoracic spine. The swelling is on top of the spine, and, while not painful at first, started to cause me pain around the middle/end of March. This pain is constant and throbbing, but does increase with certain movements. Multiple doctors and a physiotherapist have felt along my spine and confirmed that there is swelling, but so far no idea what is causing it. An orthopedic doctor ordered a CT and X-ray, both of which came back normal, so no problems with the bones. I pushed for a spinal MRI, but the results of that were also clear.
Other than the swelling, I have some pain in my ribs, randomly occurring tingling in my feet, pain in that area of my back which radiates down to my lower back as well as up to between my shoulder blades sometimes, and my back cracks with every movement. When the swelling is touched, it causes intense nausea. The pain decreases when I lay down or sit slumped over, but increases when sitting up “straight” or standing. One doctor told me that I have all the signs of a herniated disk in that area, but that the MRI would have shown it, especially if it were bad enough to cause this level of symptoms.
Has anyone else dealt with something similar? What did it turn out to be?
Was trying out a new boulder yesterday and fell off a crimp kinda funny. At the last few seconds it was only my middle finger and pointer finger holding most of my body weight. Immediately after and now the next day my middle finger has been feeling sore like maybe I strained a muscle or tendon in it. The soreness is toward the base of my finger and into my hand a little. Any advice on how/if I should tape it or just leave it alone and try to rest it a few days?
The pain isn’t crazy or anything so I don’t think its a serious injury worth seeing a doctor but I have been climbing for 2+ years now and have never experienced this so am not sure the best way to treat it. Any advice would be appreciated!
My partner of 14 years is a drug addict, he’s always seemed to or what I feel use me to be his savior, he’s serious anger & jealousy problems also, for the last year, i haven’t been myself what so ever, I’ve had a nervous breakdown, around a year and a half ago, following years of his lies, stealing from my family my dad, my grandma, he’s taken mine and the kids Christmas money, pawned out ten year old sons phone and watched us search the house for it, he goes through my bank account and has taken money out my account for drugs many a time, in became friends with a guy and a few times he’s lent me money and I’ve paid him back nothing massive just small amounts here and there, when my partner went on my bank and seen this he has went ballistic and has called me a whore, a cunt a slut, he’s told me he’s going to hurt this guy, he’s went through all my social media accounts, and wanted to go through my phone yesterday to see if I had spoken to him. Last summer before I was even friends with this guy he kicked me and our children out of our home, around four times all relating to his drug addictions and his stealing etc. So last night after I went to talk to him and he told me to fuck of and called me a cunt, I was in bed and he wanted to talk I told him I was too tired and I said I would speak to him tommorow, he then was calling me a whore and saying I was full of diseases and I asked him many a time to be quiet and I ended up getting up and losing it because I’m tired of him calling me horrible names infront of our children, he said I scratched him and he pushed me a couple of times (this has happened before) he tells me that if I showed him more affection his drug addiction wouldn’t be so bad and that he’s been begging for months for affection from me, I guess I have grown complete numb to the pain I’ve carried for so long regarding this relationship, and I feel as though I have to be always his saviour, I have been trying for a while now working with women’s aid to get me and the children rehoused because it’s becoming too much, he’s still using drugs, but unfortunately I fell he blames me for everything, and if I ever being up anything that hurts me that’s happened in the past, and he’s apologized for needs to be left there, I will never be happy in this relationship aslong as he is still using drugs, he cannot fathom any of this, my poor dad also said he caught him sneaking into his house one night to take his bank card of that which he still denies. Can anyone help me here because this guy blames me for so much and I’m so depressed with it all, my life has been a living hell for so long
My BP (and WP2), and I recently started MC. I know that my affair was way worse and caused BP's affair, so we are mainly focused on that. We've had a couple sessions now detailing our relationship history to our MC. This most recent session, however, MC started talking about building back up the foundation of our marriage house (there's some gottman term or something, MC had a printout of a house). I like this idea, but afterwards BP commented to me that they felt like we were skipping ahead. They need help healing and feeling better, and don't understand how they are supposed to heal. I desperately want to help them heal and I'm not sure what to do. I think I will bring this up at our next session but just wondering if others had experience here.
All the books and posts I've read about helping your partner heal are about taking responsibilty, talking, feeling their pain, being transparent and open, etc. I feel like we have done all or many of these things since my affair ended 8 years ago, I have truly grown and changed as a person. What else can we do?
Last month we had to delay my 2nd egg retrieval because of a hormone producing cyst. It was about 1.5cm. I went back for baseline yesterday to start the next cycle and now the cyst is 6cm in diameter! The size of an orange! Not producing estrogen anymore, but too big too move forward with ER. The doctor thinks it will “eventually resolve on its own” but I’m scared that if a cyst that size ruptures it could do some serious damage. I asked if we could drain it and he wants to wait at least a month. Should I get a 2nd opinion? Does anyone have experience with this?
The cyst is causing mild symptoms- bloat , constipation, muscle soreness. Annoying, but not interrupting my day to day.
So, I’ve been lurking here for a week or so just trying to find inspiration from your posts, which I have. I have quit drinking around 162.5 times! No one seems to think I have an issue, but I know I do! I want to stop. I really do. I made it 6 weeks at one point, but that’s about the longest. At that time, I became completely obsessed with running and cycling. To the point of a knee and shoulder surgery. That crutch is out the window. I picked up drinking again and have quit 3-4 days at a time a bunch of times! I am at 21 days at this point. I have read all the books and watched all the videos. I grew up around AA and that is not an option for me personally. I have crazy willpower when it comes to most things, but alcohol has me!
I was a very active drinker. I never sat around on the couch and got hammered. I associated alcohol with doing yard work, cleaning the garage, washing the car, cooking etc. I also have what I call a witching hour. It’s normally between 5pm and 8pm during the week and noon to 8 on the weekends. I have a ton more energy, I’m sleeping way better and I’m not wasting my weekends, but this is still pretty painful!
I think because I was drinking while I was doing things at home, I now have zero motivation to do those things without it. I guess my question is, how long will it take to break that? (estimate). During those hours, it’s almost like I’m crawling out of my skin! That’s when I start convincing myself that I can drink in moderation, that I’m just being too hard on myself, blah blah blah.
It pisses me off so bad that a bottle of clear liquid is absolutely kicking my ass! I thought at this point it would have eased up a bit, but to be honest, it actually feels like it’s getting worse. I was anxious and depressed when I was drinking and takeaway the stabbing headache, nausea, and self-loathing, I’m still pretty low! This really started as a question, but I guess I just needed to throw it out in the universe today. I have an amazing life! A wife of 20 years, two brilliant kids, a great career, all the things, but alcohol is still taking up so much space in my brain that I feel guilty for not appreciating the life that I have. I never wanted to wake up and start drinking. Ever! But now it’s becoming the first thing I think about. I’m even dabbling with meditation and an “energy healer”! Do I just suck it up and push forward until this looming cloud passes or does it ever really pass?
Sometimes I wish the folks around me did feel like I had an issue with it, but I guess because I was able to function normally for the most part I hid it. I’m doing all the things. Journaling, exercising, being open and honest, finding support where I can, but I still feel like turning into a 5 year old and just crawling under the bed. Around 4:30 - 5 everyday my throat starts to tighten up, I get irritable, I lose focus and all motivation to do anything disappears. This feels physical, but all physical withdraw should be gone. I think… Thanks for listening!! I will stay sober today.
I have been trying out his grip with very good results. 90% of penholders should be using this grip IMO.
For a while, I've been fairly unconvinced by the new RPB grips. They're all kind of annoyingly painful and I can't relax the back 3 fingers much (well... not relax, but like, settle them in naturally), Most modern penholders claw their 3 back fingers into the rubber in weird ways. I think this actually impacts the power output a lot on both RPB and forehand.
I've always been a fan of the original TPB penholder grip. Not the weird 3 fingers splayed out back thing some club uncles do, stop that shit, but the actual one that is like gripping a pen. It's incredibly comfortable, but just doesn't have the angle for RPB and misses a little finger support.
Felix's grip kind of just feels like TPB grip, fingers out ever so slightly for RPB. The closest one before was Wong Chun Ting's. Felix's grip is even more perpendicular to blade.
Every newer penholder should start with this as default. In a sense it is like the shakehander grip, just reversed, it's very natural and solid.
I tore my calf muscle a month ago. Not so bad to need surgery, but bad enough I was non weight bearing for almost a week. Been using TB500 and BOC-157 to speed recovery and am walking normally now. I cannot yet do quick movements without pain. I also have a dent in my calf now ... Will that go away? It looks horrendous....I liked my legs 😉
Suggestions on the dent and/or other things I should do to help recover and get back to sports?
Hello! I hope you are all well.
Through process of elimination (read: many many many types of doctors appointments, PT appointments, etc. which you all know are SUPER fun) I’ve realized that my mystery side pain is actually from sleeping on my side. I have a pretty large gap between hips and waist, so I guess I’ve been sleeping on a way that puts pressure on back, hips, and ribs. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve been to the ER a few times.
Side sleeping messes with my hips and side. Back sleeping messes with my back because of the big gap between butt and waist.
As I go about fixing this (bed shopping is commencing), does anyone have a similar problem and have any tips and tricks? Massages, PT, stretching, ways to have pillows to support your body and what kind of pillows, etc?
Thanks in advance!
Long Story short is that I was seen at a Pain management office and saw a Doctor over my lower back pain. I had an MRI done and saw the DR to go over this MRI. Got a response back on Monday saying that "Nothing could be done and to loose weight". I submitted a google review over this and left my review including the Dr name and got a response saying that that DR is not even affiliated with this clinic. Come to find out that the main DR who normally reviews these cases is out on Maternity leave and had an outside Dr review my case. I did not sign anything for medical release of my files to be sent to this DR. Is this a Hipaa violation? Should I contact a lawyer to further pursue this?
[Part 1] Day 3
I woke the next morning from the sunshine in my eyes. My head was resting ever so slightly on Eli's arm as we had both fallen asleep on my bed after I begged him to stay. I blanched in horror at the drool stain I had left on the arm of his white t-shirt.
I began to slowly move myself and retreat downstairs as the memories of the night before came flooding back. How I had broken, screaming in terror, and how Eli had saved me, not knowing the true reason he found me curled up on the floor crying.
As I stepped off the bed, my leg got snagged in the frilly bed cover, and I went crashing to the ground, making quite the noise as I landed. With a yawn, Eli's eyes opened, and I felt myself blushing as he turned to look at me.
We both kind of stared at each other for a moment, not speaking. Eli opened his mouth, then closed it again as if unsure of what to say.
"Coffee?" I asked quickly, filling the awkwardness of our situation.
"Please," Eli said, smiling.
In minutes, I had a pot brewing as I leaned against the kitchen counter. Eli was picking up the scattered photographs from the floor and looking at them quizzically.
"Why do you have pictures of the Harmons?" Eli asked, showing me the photos of the yellow-haired man and his family.
"Is that their names? I found them out in the barn under a blanket," I answered as I rooted around the cupboards for two mugs.
"In the barn? I cleaned it out just last week. No way I would have missed this trunk," Eli said while examining the wooden trunk with its simple rustic hinges. It was plain and unadorned with any embellishments. Basic as basic could be.
"Well, you must have missed it because it was there," I said, putting emphasis on the "was" in a way that reminded me of my mother chastising my father.
"That's so weird," he said, shifting through the photos while sitting at the table. I brought him a cup of coffee and sugar, and he began absentmindedly adding a lot of sugar to his coffee. About six scoops later, he began stirring and sipping it.
"Well, anyways, thanks for coming last night. I wasn't myself, I hope you know that I'm not some damsel in distress," I said quickly, like word vomit, and I even chuckled at the end, feeling like a total weirdo.
"What happened anyway? You didn't say last night," he said, putting the photos down in a jumble on the table.
I paused for a moment, considering how to answer. As I sipped my coffee, I stared out into the yard beside the barn where the scarecrow stood, glancing around the edge of the barn, hanging limply in his hole. His appearance once again sad and dejected instead of murderous and terrifying.
"I was just scared, I had a nightmare, and it just scared me," I said dumbly, trying not to turn crimson again under his intense gaze.
His eyes seemed to cut right through my lie, as if he were staring directly into my being before he simply glanced away out the window. We fell silent again, and I filled some moments by sipping my drink. It seemed to revitalize me; the sun and the company made me feel secure.
"Why were you here anyways?" I asked after a moment.
"I heard screaming, so I came running. I live just on the other side of the grass there, behind the barn," Eli said, pointing to the barn out the window.
"Must be really close, I didn't see any houses on the way in," I said, prying deeper into the situation.
"It's actually a trailer, maybe like two hundred yards from here. I was outside getting some air when I heard you scream. So, I came running," Eli said, finishing his cup of coffee and placing it in between us like a barrier, as if he was hiding something.
"Could you, uh, not do that?" Eli asked, with an uncertain grin on his face.
"What am I doing exactly?" I asked, startled for a moment, my stomach doing a sort of flip.
"It's just that you like stare at people. You've been staring at me for like my whole cup of coffee, I don't think you blinked the whole time," Eli said, averting his eyes shyly.
"No, I don't," I said until I realized he was right. I never noticed that about myself.
"Right, well, I've got to go. I am probably going to start painting today, so you might see me in a bit," Eli said, rising and heading to the door.
"Wait," I said, grabbing his arm for only a moment before releasing it like it was scalding hot.
Eli glanced at my hand for a moment, then at his arm, before he, too, blushed crimson.
"I just wanted to say thank you again. For last night, I mean. Well, what I mean is I appreciate it," I said, my eyes downcast in, for some reason, shame. Like he had seen me at my weakest and it weighed on my gaze appropriately.
"It was nothing, besides I didn't get much sleep with your constant snoring," Eli said, laughing at me.
"I so don't snore," I said, swatting at him but unable to control a smile creeping up onto my face.
After Eli left, I felt instantly colder, my eyes kept returning to the scarecrow. I grabbed my camera from upstairs and went out to the yard. I scanned the dirt for anything out of the ordinary. There was no blood, or anything on the dirt where the scarecrow stood just last night. I slowly made my way to the scarecrow, but nothing happened. I snapped a photo of the inanimate object, and it didn't even flinch. I poked it, but all I felt was straw underneath its clothes. I removed its mask, expecting a severed head, but it was just straw. Nothing was here but straw. I dropped the mask on the ground and took another photo proving it was just straw and nothing else.
An idea struck me as I regarded the source of my torment. If I planned to stay even one more night here, I needed to do something about this scarecrow. I rooted around in the barn, a series of tools hung from nails in the wall. On one hung what I was searching for. An old rusted shovel with a dirty wooden handle that was worn smooth from use.
I returned to the side of the barn beside the scarecrow, knowing for whatever reason this thing only came when night fell and didn't react at all when I moved or touched it during the day.
Before my morning coffee had even settled, I began to dig at the dusty earth, loose and easy to dig, it came away in shovelfuls. Within an hour, I had a fair-sized hole in front of me. Sweat dripped from my brow, and when I wiped under my eyes, they came away black from last night's makeup. Glancing at the field of grass and knowing Eli could appear at any time, I decided to head inside and shower. The hot water was a godsend, and I lingered for longer, letting the water drain down my head and back, my eyes closed, trying to forget the images from the last two nights. I should just pack up my car and leave right this minute. But how could I explain this to my family? I decided to go through with my plan and bury the scarecrow. I could last one more night if I prepared for it.
I left the shower and dressed modestly, in another one of my old rock t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I returned to the yard and with a satisfying push, I dropped the scarecrow into the pit. It fell with a nice thud, and I smiled at my power over it in the day; it's just at night when I should fear it.
As I threw the first shovel of dirt back on top, I heard a noise in the grass, and it parted, revealing Eli wearing the same pair of jeans and work boots, but he had changed his shirt to a plain black one. In each hand, he held cans of paint and a brush.
"Should I even ask why you are burying that old scarecrow?" He asked as he came to stand beside me.
"Probably best if you didn't," I admitted, leaning on the shovel.
"Well, I'm going to anyway. Polly, why are you burying that old scarecrow?" He asked, a rare smile coming to his face.
"Because it's been haunting me at night," I said bluntly.
"Mhm, yeah, okay. Fine, don't tell me. I've been meaning to get rid of it anyway, but normal people take things to the landfill," Eli said with a smirk as he turned to the house and began setting up for his painting.
I finished burying the scarecrow and stomped the dirt down flat. I finished my job by moving my car and parking it directly over top of the spot where I buried it.
Eli watched me curiously but didn't remark. I returned the shovel to the barn and went out into the yard. I decided to go for a hike around the property. I needed some time alone to think and unwind.
As I made my way through the grass, it began to confuse me. This had obviously been a large farmland, but how had the wild plants grown in such a thick, endless maze of greenery?
It gave me an eerie feeling, like I was being watched as the grass covered three-quarters of my body, like there would be something lurking out in the grass, crouched low, waiting for me.
After a half-hour or so, I came upon a clear lake, only big enough to be considered an old swimming hole, I thought as I dipped my hand into the cool water.
I took off my outer clothes and decided to go for a swim. I lowered myself in slowly and reveled at the cool water. The pond wasn't deep, but the water was clean. A small rope swing had been hung from a large oak tree that bordered the pond. It also provided a nice layer of shade that made it the ideal spot to spend the day. I floated on my back in the water for what seemed like hours. The day seemed to slip away from me. A small beach of sand sat at one side of the pond, so I lay out in the sun and closed my eyes. The warm day warmed my soul, and soon I felt myself drifting off into sleep.
I awoke to the sound of crickets and darkness. I couldn't believe it. I had slept through the day; the long nights had finally caught up to me, and now I was stuck far away from the farmhouse. I didn't know if my plan with the scarecrow had worked, and this wasn't the place to test my theory.
A full moon lay overhead, casting a silvery glow on the world before me. A sea of grass swayed gently in the wind, sending shivers down it in shuddering waves. I looked around, but I was thankfully alone, just the crickets chirping along melodically as my only companions.
I had to make it back to the house, so I started on my way, my hands trailing along the tall grass. The pale light played easily on the deep green grass. Step by step, I made my way back towards the farmhouse and the barn, throwing caution to the wind, and I started to jog along, anything to get back faster. I would have to find Eli; maybe if we were together, he could stop it like before.
If I thought the field was creepy during the day, by night, it was a whole new world. Every sound made my heart stop for a beat before restarting in protest. When all of a sudden, the crickets stopped chirping. I dropped to my knees, letting the long grass cover me from sight. Through the strands, I could make out a shape moving slowly through the tall grass, the swish of the plants as it made its passage through them. My heart dropped. Was this Eli looking for me, or was it the scarecrow come for me?
That's when I heard a voice, a voice cutting through the silence. It started off quiet and raspy as it sang an eerie children's song.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
I was frozen to the spot. It hadn't found me, but it knew I was in the grass somewhere. Now, with each word, chewed up and spat out like it was unhappy with it, now it was accompanied by the whistle of something in the air and a slicing sound as it cut through the grass around me.
It finished another round of its song, but now it stood within feet of me, its blade whistling as it cut. I took a moment to ready myself, and as it raised its blade to cut through the grass I hid in, I dashed out of my hiding spot and slammed into it. But nothing resisted me; I fell through it like it was a ghost.
In a tangle of limbs, I landed hard on the ground and tried quickly rolling to my feet. The blade of its weapon pierced the earth beside me. Now I could see it was a two-handed scythe the scarecrow carried, but something was off, its hands were human. Pale milky skin like a newborn baby. I had little time to examine the creature except for the canvas bag over its head. Two large black eyes came out of the slits that leaked a dark red blood like tears.
It screeched loudly and swung its scythe, but it was slow, and I took off through the grass in the direction of what I hoped was the farmhouse.
I completely gave up all pretense of hiding and sprinted as fast as I could without looking back. The grass seemed to part for me as I ran in terror. I was just glad that in high school, I had taken track as it was paying off now.
I could hear the noise of footsteps behind me, but I never turned. I ran and ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst Something silver flashed to my left, and I tripped over something hard and unexpected. The wind was driven from my lungs as my chin slammed hard into the earth. I scrambled back, trying to escape, but the scarecrow was on me, its blade flashing angrily in the pale moonlight.
I wanted to move, I wanted to fight, but my body was weak and unable to catch its breath, and I lay there helpless as it swung its scythe towards me. I closed my eyes in fear, but I only heard the thud of dirt before I opened my eyes. The scythe was discarded, and the scarecrow stood staring at me.
It seemed to be struggling with something, one hand reached out towards me only to be snapped back to its side. A roar of rage pierced the canvas sack over its head as it struggled against its invisible bonds. For a moment, I thought I saw something behind it, three sets of hands holding it back. One feminine in nature, and the other two must have belonged to children. In a flash, I saw a beautiful woman who looked vaguely familiar with her long brown hair and plain dress.
"Run," she moaned as the scarecrow swung around wildly.
I didn't hesitate and fled, my breath had returned, and while my body still ached from my fall, I powered on, knowing this was the only respite I would receive tonight.
In the distance, I could see a small sheet metal shape; Eli's trailer was slowly coming closer as I ran, and I beelined it for the trailer. I could hear the footsteps behind me again as the scarecrow resumed its chase after me.
I reached the old trailer and banged on the door as loud as I could; I rattled the handle, but it was locked.
"Eli, it's me. It's Polly, please let me in. Please," I begged as I banged over and over again on the door of his trailer.
Nothing responded to me, and the trailer was dark. The single window in the back held no life inside the trailer. From the trailer, I couldn't tell which direction the farmhouse was in the dark, so I fled into the tall grass and crouched low, watching the clearing around the trailer.
While I caught my breath, I watched the scarecrow enter the clearing, its scythe back in its hand as it circled the trailer. When its raspy voice began singing again low and quiet, only loud enough for me to hear.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek
The world it claims that I be not clean
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The song made me shiver uncontrollably at the lyrics and the voice; it sounded demented like a crazy person letting their demons out into a nursery rhyme.
I lay perfectly still; for some reason, it couldn't find me. This creature I assumed was all-knowing seemed to have some very human weaknesses. It moved and talked like a human, even had certain body parts that were from a human; it even felt human the way it chased and reacted.
The scarecrow moved on through the tall grass, and I let out a sigh of relief as it lost my trail. How terrifying that beast was. In my pocket was the keys to my car. Eli had told me that the farmhouse was fairly close to his trailer. I had to navigate to the car, then drive as fast as I can away from this place. The fact that I hadn't left already because I was worried about money was insane. Who cares, I could drive to Barb's and demand my money back. Go home and just tell my parents the truth. The whole reason for actually leaving home this summer, why I was actually here in this field shivering uncontrollably in fear. But I couldn't think about that now, not now, there will be time to deal with that later. Now I needed to focus on staying alive, getting to the car, and getting out of here.
I went in the direction the scarecrow had; he knew the land better than I did, and every noise I made in the silence of the night made my heart drop. It took all my courage there and then to take one step forward, then another. I felt like I was going to be sick; my stomach was in knots to where it felt like even if I was sick, the only thing to come out would be only bile and stomach acid.
With each careful step, I made my way closer to the farmhouse and the scarecrow. Through the darkness, I could see my goal, the farmhouse, and the barn. Within minutes, I had made it securely to the farmhouse yard.
My car still sat in the same spot overtop of the hole where I buried the scarecrow. In the moonlight, I could see that the dirt had not been disturbed.
The scarecrow was nowhere to be seen, and I cautiously made my way to my car, my keys in my hand as I approached the driver's door. I hadn't locked the car, and it opened on the first try. I turned on my car as quietly as I could, but nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
Something landed heavily on top of the roof of my car, making it dent inwards slightly. With horror, I saw the scarecrow swing its scythe into the back window of my car. With a crash, the glass shattered inwards; I put my car into gear and roared away down the lane. In my rearview mirror, I couldn't see anything, so I swerved back and forth, trying to shake the creature from the roof of my car when the scythe crashed in through the front window, making a hole just large enough for it.
The glass spidered, and I couldn't see out the window very well. I swerved down the road, but the scythe remained in the car, allowing the creature purchase. In a panic, I spun my wheel wildly, trying to dislodge it, but I lost control, and soon felt something crash into the front of my car. The airbag went off in my face, and I hadn't been wearing my seatbelt. I slammed hard into something else, and my vision went dark. I was in a daze; I must have passed out because I don't remember a lot of what happened next. I felt the car door open with a crunching tear, and it landed loudly as it was torn off. My body being grabbed and tossed on the ground. I felt no pain, just a gentle numbness. I felt blood on my head as I raised my arm to touch my face.
Then just blackness, complete, and empty just feelings, fear, unease, sadness. My eyes opened, and the scarecrow was overtop of me. Pain on my chest and my vision went dark again. Coughing as something poured down my throat. I couldn't breathe, why couldn't I breathe?
My eyes opened one last time, and I saw the scarecrow pouring a dark liquid from its mouth directly into my mouth and eyes. My vision was red and bloody before I closed them one last time.
The words of its song echoed into the emptiness of my thoughts.
"Did you, did you, did you come for me?
Run and hide, don't you know that I seek?
The world it claims that I be not clean.
When I come, you'll see how filthy I can be.
Tonight, it is happening, tonight you'll see,
Beneath the moon, my shadows they do creep.
In this world, at night, I shall be free.
Tonight it's happening, tonight you'll see.
When I come, you had better flee, or else I'll come and give my filth to thee."
The darkness enveloped me, and I felt myself slipping away, the sounds of the night fading into oblivion.
Day 4
When I awoke, it was morning, and I found myself lying in a hospital bed. My head throbbed with pain, and my body ached all over. The memories of the terrifying night flooded back to me, and I shuddered involuntarily.
A nurse entered the room, her kind eyes filled with concern. "You're awake," she said softly, her voice gentle like a soothing balm. "You're lucky to be alive. You were found unconscious by the side of the road next to your car. Do you remember what happened?"
I tried to speak, but my throat felt raw and dry. I croaked out a few words, barely audible. "The scarecrow... it attacked me..."
The nurse frowned, her brows furrowing in confusion. "Scarecrow? What scarecrow?"
My heart raced with panic as I realized the truth. Had it all been a nightmare? But the pain in my body felt too real, the memories too vivid to be mere hallucinations.
I tried to explain, to tell her about the terrifying creature that had pursued me through the night, but she only looked at me with concern, as if I were delusional.
"I'll get the doctor, and there is a young man who brought you in. He has been here all morning," the nurse said with a sly wink.
After a few minutes, she came back with Eli and a doctor, both of whom smiled gently at me through the window. The doctor came in first and went over my health with me. I had a concussion and bruises all over my body. A generous-sized cut from some glass on my scalp had been stitched and bandaged. My mind flashed back to the night before. How the scarecrow had filled me with its gooey red blood.
"Did you find anything else?" I asked cautiously, trying to avoid another scandal like with the nurse.
"No, as long as you have someone to pick you up and take you home, you are free to go. That nice young man out there said he would take you back home," the doctor said, pointing to Eli as he rose with a slight grunt.
I glanced at Eli, and he waved uncertainly at me. The doctor went out and began talking to Eli for a few minutes.
While I waited, my mind began to have strange thoughts. Something was wrong; I felt weird. My vision turned red, and I began to see images before my eyes.
The Harmons. They flashed before my eyes in real-time—the husband hugging his wife, then swinging his kids around, chopping wood outback next to the barn while his wife cooked in the kitchen.
As Eli entered the room, the visions stopped suddenly. Like my saving angel for the third time now, I was extremely grateful to Eli.
"Heyyyyy," Eli said, elongating the word in a sort of familiar yet awkward way.
"Hi," I said, closing my eyes and letting my embarrassment pass in only a few seconds.
"Why is it that fifty percent of the times we meet, you're in serious trouble?" Eli asked, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.
"Oh, you know me, bad luck, I guess," I said simply, becoming aware that under my blankets, I was in a backless hospital gown, and he was inches away from me.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin as a sort of cover for my appearance, but Eli didn't seem to notice. He continued talking to me. It was actually really sweet the way he seemed to care for me.
"Anyways, the doctor said I could take you back to the farmhouse to rest," Eli said.
"No," I said suddenly, becoming serious.
"What? Why not?" Eli asked.
"I just, I just can't right now. I'll tell you later. Just, we can't spend the night anywhere near the farm," I said, grabbing him by the arm, hoping to sway him.
"Well, I mean, if you want, we can grab your stuff, and my house can literally go anywhere," Eli said in an offhand manner, as if he had expected this.
"Promise?" I asked, trying not to seem too afraid.
Within the hour, we had returned to the farmhouse. The hole I dug was still covered over, and I stared at it as we parked in Eli's black pickup truck.
I ran inside and quickly got changed into my only clean clothes, grabbing everything I had from the farmhouse. I paused at the dinner table, looking down at the photographs of the Harmons and thinking back to that weird moment in the hospital with that odd vision.
The day was getting longer, and I hurried back to Eli, waiting in the pickup truck. I threw my bag in the back and climbed in beside him. He smiled and backtracked down the lane. We turned to the left and went down a side road where we came upon my poor old car. It had crashed directly into a tree, and the whole front part of the car had been destroyed. Fluid leaked all over the road, and I almost shed a tear for my departed friend. We had traveled far together. I grabbed a few things from the car, but something was off about the car. The front door had been knocked off and was discarded on the far side of the road. It looked impossible; the door hadn't even hit the tree.
Eli hooked his truck up to his trailer, and we sped off, leaving the property behind us. We headed into town and found a pullout on the side of the road with a set of bathrooms to camp at for the night. Eli's trailer was messy but cozy. He had laundry strewn over most surfaces, but it didn't smell bad.
The room consisted of a small kitchen with a bed in one corner. There were also a lot of posters and artwork on the walls. I examined one of a pretty girl with long raven-black hair. It was a realist painting, obviously taken from real life.
"Who is this?" I asked as Eli made us some food.
"That is just a friend," Eli said, glancing at the painting he had done.
"Well, she is a pretty friend," I said, enjoying watching the back of his ears turn bright red.
"Dinner's ready," he said, pouring the mixture of food he had made onto a pair of plates.
Eli served me and handed me a can of Coke to drink. I thanked him and sat on his bed. It was the only serviceable piece of furniture in the whole trailer. We both sat in silence for a moment while we ate. I could tell something was bothering Eli as he kept making glances toward me.
"What? What is it, Eli? Just say it," I said between bites.
"Tell me what happened, Polly. Tell me why you were burying the scarecrow, why you were passed out in the road with straw in your hair. Tell me why you were muttering about the Harmons and a scarecrow when I found you," Eli said suddenly, as if he were unloading a machine gun.
I looked Eli square in the face and relented. I told him about the last couple of nights at the farmhouse, about how the scarecrow had been tormenting me every night. About how he had saved me and how last night I had fled through the fields to his trailer and then to my car. I told him about the vision I had about the Harmons in the hospital. By the end of it, I was in tears. I felt so foolish and childish.
Eli took it in stride. He asked a few questions during my retelling, but by the end of it, he was silent. Tears fell down my face and landed in my lap. We had both put our plates on the counter, and Eli hugged me. He put his arms around me, and I nuzzled into his shoulder, feeling comforted again in him at the lowest points of my life.
With a gentle hand, he wiped away my tears, and I smiled, letting a nervous laugh escape my lips. I looked up into his face and felt his stare before I saw it. His pale blue eyes shone with comfort, and then his lips were on mine as he kissed me quickly before pulling away slightly.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. That was insensitive of me. You're sad, and I took advantage of that," Eli said, moving back slightly.
"Shut up," I said, and grabbed his shirt, bringing him back in.
I’ve been on Seroquel for 2ish years, my highest dose was 200mg a night. Due to weight gain & high cholesterol levels my psych has decided to taper me off and switch to Latuda. I did 100mg for 3-4 weeks and am now having to cut my 100mg in half to take 50mg. I’m on day 4 of taking the 50mg and I’m experiencing broken sleep, dizziness, and brain fog. Day 2 I started having really bad stomach pains, and my body felt super stiff. Yesterday, (Day 3) I started to experience even worse stiffness & shakiness along with a fever that wouldn’t break with taking Tylenol. Due to GI issues I can’t take ibuprofen. I’ve also been experiencing headaches throughout the process but that was to be expected. I haven’t experienced a fever yet today, but I can feel it coming on. But the stiffness in my back and muscles are to the point my legs shake when I try to walk and I can barely bend over to pick something up. I’m wondering if anyone else has had this type of experience coming off of Seroquel? Currently waiting for a call back from my provider about these symptoms and the next course of action, if any.