I've been pretty stressed out the past few months, but I bottled it up as much as possible (I know it's bad; I've done it most of my life) and the cork popped today.
I had a rough pregnancy, delivery, and post-delivery (had baby in December). I had to quit my job in October due to mental, emotional, and physical health concerns, but I'm the breadwinner of my household. My SO is mentally and physically disabled, and we've struggled to get their disability aid going. All the money I had went to bills to survive, and it's all gone. Because of my health and baby's health after birth, my mom moved us in to her home so SO can have help watching over us (along with the fact that our house is a massive fixer upper and not ready for us all to be there). Tried to pull together what I can to fix the house, but can only do it when mom is off work (once every couple of days). I've been putting in applications for jobs since February with no luck; decided to put in for online work so I can help with baby (SO has times where they get overwhelmed so I pitch in) but no luck there either. My mom has been paying my bills as well as hers, and it kills me because she doesn't deserve that and I'm terrible about asking for help. Baby is currently teething and almost inconsolable. I've lost so much sleep the past two weeks because I'm trying to get our life back on track. And then today happened.....
I was trying to soothe the baby (massive tantrum), and SO is sitting on couch with us. I can feel my emotions starting up and thought to try feeding baby a smaller bottle of formula (baby has gotten into not finishing bottles the past few days). Asked SO if they can fix a small bottle. SO puts phone down on couch a little rough, and I apologize. SO said nothing's wrong and didn't mean it. Gets bottle, but baby doesn't really want it. SO suggests floor time (trying to roll). I said I was unsure. Finally gave in to try. SO puts baby down, and baby goes more ballistic. SO holds baby trying to soothe. Automatically starts telling baby that there's a lot of problems that won't get fixed (meaning SO's problems that we're struggling to get worked out). I started crying and saying I'm trying to get things fixed. SO says doesn't mean me then has a mental break (nothing happened to baby except they stopped crying). I cry harder, and I know it's all the pent up emotions I've held. SO starts in about how I'm being used and told everything's fine and how our home won't be fixed and promises not kept. I snapped. SO says nevermind they won't ever talk about it again even though there's no one they can talk to about anything except me. I said fine, talk. SO refused. I said talk! SO goes into this soft spoken spill about how things are going and not getting done. That's when I felt a switch inside me and I went emotionally cold (I'm usually a super caring person). I just blurted out that I'd sell the damn house and move our stuff into storage and find us a different place (SO has been wanting me to sell the house for a while). SO just got quiet. I started looking at housing and asking who the best realtor in our area was. SO tried to hold my hand, but I just let it lay there. SO got upset (quietly). For the rest of the day, I haven't connected really with anyone (except the baby). I went to fix dinner, and SO is following me around trying to help (SO does this when I'm super pissed). I generally ignored. After getting dinner in the oven, I started washing dished cause I told my mom I'd handle it. SO said they would take over as I'm halfway through. I said I'd do it. SO has tried to do small talk with me some after that. I haven't really responded. My mom came in and tried to have small talk, but I wasn't really having that either. I haven't sat down with her about my decision yet, but I have a feeling she'll talk me out of selling (like she has in the past because fixing it is doable and we'll all help blah blah blah).
I've given myself migraines for the past week and a half trying to deal with all of this. My mom keeps telling me to have faith and things will come together while my SO doesn't know what to say to me half the time. To be honest, I want to have a massive drink and be left alone for a few days, but I know that won't happen/can't happen. I'm so sick of this world.

Not a true story!
Hi my name is Yuki and I have a brother and his name is Duri and he is a basketball team and this is how made a bond with his basketball team ok well umm so from the beginning when i was 11 ok i’m going to school I said you mean we are going to school said Duri yeah yeah whatever let’s go to school don’t act like you are the oldest remember so what if you are one year older it means that i am the more responsible child no just cause you are the oldest does not mean that you are the more responsible child oh yes it does no it does not oh really who takes care of you who takes care of the house fine you win but .…never mind let’s not get distracted Yuki said ok whatever at school I wonder what Yuki was about to say I was to scared to say that I was getting bullied can I go to bathroom yes you may Duri thank you Duri wash’s his face oh hey Duri you are working with Jey sweet hey Duri over here hey bro what’s up with the mood nothing just some weird stuff happened ok let’s work on the project later oh hi Jey hey Yuki how are you? good you? Perfect and what is up with Duri hi what are you talking about just a funny video yeah it super funny whatever let’s go get lunch ok but what is lunch today fries or chips btw they are in a private school ok thank you for telling me your welcome hello am i not here do you think that you are not here? No cause you are talking to me so then what does that mean? That i am here exactly Jey yeah yeah whatever I’m sorry can we go to the cafeteria please yes let’s go I’m hungry me too I hate waiting in line it’s always long I know right ok thank god that I’m not the only one think’s that oh yeah you and Duri have a basketball game today yeah we do at 4:48 pm you remember of course I do and it ends at 6:00 pm wow that’s a long game isn't well I’m coming to it we want us to win this game Yeah we will do our best for everyone
At the game ok you can do this I know you can ok everybody follow my lead yes sir! Captain am I going to be on the court yes you are going to be on it right now okay I’ll be right there come on guys is everybody where they are supposed to be Yes! Ok then let’s start calm down Jey pull yourself together you got yourself into this and there is no pulling back Rowan oh it’s Rowan he’s also Duri’s friend he is a first year in basketball and Duri is a second year so he is almost in high school PASS TO ME ROWAN Duri and Jey are both 12 and they are second years in basketball so they really good at it and practice everyday plus there’s going to be new characters in a bit don’t mess this up PASS THE BALL TO ME here we GO COME ON JEY I KNOW YOU CAN MAKE US WIN! I...made it YES you did amazing out there Jey thank you captain your welcome well we need to go now we will anyways meet her out there yeah true I’m coming after they went to the locker room man my legs hurt don’t blame you same here so are we going Celebrate Yes but we need one more person to celebrate And who is that going to be My sister she can be a little mean Her name is Yuki she'll introduce herself to you I am excited to meet her I bet you she's also excited to meet youI'm shy so I don't think I will talk to her that much come on man she is not going to kill you you all know that I do NOT talk to a lot of people but she is kind to people SO don’t need to be scared from her OH YES I DO NEED TO JEY NO YOU DO NOT HEY STOP IT THE BOTH OF YOU NOW what’s taking them so long I wonder if they will like me or hate me well I’m going to need introduce myself
Hi Jasmine Hi Yuki, how are you today?Good and bad Why?A girl made fun of me man I just wish that the world could be better you know yeah I do a lot so much that you would not Believe It Hey sis hey Duri this is my team team this my sister Yuki Hi Yuki Hi let me introduce myself I’m Yuki and I’m one year younger than Duri and I CAN be mean to the people WHO are mean to me so you don’t need to be scared from me and I want to introduce my friend Jasmine hi I’m Pleased to meet you all I am Yuki's friend and we have been friends for 4 years 4 years wow you guys must Know a lot about each other By the way I have a question when did you meet by the way I would like to know well I was doing a race with some other kids and Jasmine asked if she could join and I tripped in the middle of the race and she helped me up and all the other kids left me cuz they want to win the race and she helped me and I thanked her and We became friends And look at us now Those kids were Sad when they figured out that she fell and that they didn't bother to help her and they were a bit angry at themselves and then I told them to stay away from her cuz if you don't be nice to her then just get out of here
And that is a true story you could just ask me her brother for 11 years And Yuki has favor to ask you guys I would like to know why you join the basketball team My name is Lev And I joined the basketball team cuz it was my passion and I liked it when I was a child so that's why I Joined the basketball team I am Tyga I joined the basketball team cuz my brother used to do it and he taught me how to do it and it kind of was fun for me and he taught me he's really cool tricks and he just made it way more funner and easier to learn so I was happy cuz he taught me a lot of things So that's why I joined the basketball team I am Liam and I joined the basketball team cuz I joined multiple other sports and they were just kind of boring to me and I just didn't do basketball so I tried it out basketball cuz I thought it would be fun and nice to join basketball and would be a nice passion to do cuz I haven't tried it yet and I tried it I was bad at the beginning very bad and five months later I started shooting and I was very good at defense so that's why I joined Hi my name is Lucas and I joined the basketball team cuz my story is kind of like Liam's I used to play soccer and then I got kicked out cuz I was very bad at it and I was very good at using my hands so I decided to join the basketball team I hated the fact that I was terrible at the beginning and I was bare8ly good at using the hands for shooting and it was just like that for a few months I don't know how much it was I don't remember and I met Duri and the others and they taught me a bit how to shoot and I'm here now I’m Rowan I joined the basketball team cuz I wanted to play it with Duri And the others plus they taught me a lot of new tricks that's our stories thank you for sharing your stories guys but we sould go to the restaurant yeah we sould go.
after they went to restaurant and celebrated man I’m stuffed same don’t blame ya time to go back home seriously it’s 5:00 PM you kidding man but it was nice meeting you all today I had so much fun with you guys I hope we can do this again sometime later yeah I will try to get some free time I’m off friday let me check yeah i’m off friday what about you guys i’m also off friday I think everyone is off yeah I think so to so we meet again friday after school ok sure why not can I invite Jasmine ummm sure why not I think it will be more fun the more the merrier when they all go home I’m home where were you? You said that you were going to a basketball game we had to two games you went to celebrate didn’t you SO YOU DIDN’T EVEN COME TO MY BASKETBALL GAME hey wait I’m sorry my boss didn’t let me come to it LEAVE ME ALONE ok I will sometime later hi welcome who did she bring now hey Rowan can we come in …..fine come in. why did you guys come well friends are always there for you right come on you know we are there in the right time you can say no but you know it’s true yeah I know it’s true but how did you know that i’m upset your mom told us oh ok well thank you guys for coming to comfort me I really appreciate it your always welcome Rowan.
Well bye see you guys friday at 7:00 AM bye see ya friday GOOD MORNING DURI AHHH WHAT THE HECK omg why so Early in the morning it’s 7:00 a.m. just go back to bed and that's a no cuz it's Friday stupid did you forget we have to go to Train for basketball with the others Oh my God but why so early in the morning it's literally 7:00 a.m. can you stop being annoying I'm not being annoying you are because you're out of bed and wash your freaking face and then we Gotta Go the basketball court for training I was ready to go to Tell mom she whoop Out of bed if you don't want that to happen then get out of bed and wash our face I have the most annoying sister in the world okay fine but just go get ready in then I will get ready right after you cuz I don't take 5 hours to get ready I don't take 5 hours to get ready for your information I don't okay but you do you with that messy hair look at it it's like a freaking tornado My hair is not a tornado talk about yours in the morning Can you just get dressed please we Gotta Go Fine just leave the room ok 30 minutes later Okay I'm done finally okay now let's go because I don't have time for this and waiting for you to get done I was done 10 minutes ago Is there a problem yeah we're 10 minutes late cuz of you You hate it so much there's the door Oh ok let's go She doesn't understand a single thing Don't forget it's from 7:00 till 1:00 pm At the basketball court hey Yuki hey Duri hi hey oh you guys are here Hello I got invied to help you guys train WHAT! Yup you do know that it is hard to do all of this by myself
After everyone got to the basketball court, Ok everyone listen up Yuki and Jasmine is going to tell you guys have to work on. Ok so Lev,Liam and Rowan have to work on offense Tyga,Lucas,,Jey and Duri have to work on defense ok get to work. After training for 6 hours You will be doing this training for 3 months. WHAT ONE DAY WAS ENOUGH Look around Yuki the courts floor IS FILLED WITH SWEAT AND IS NOT JUST THE FLOOR BUT ALSO US you wanna get better right ? Yeah but this intense TO intense Liam said then went to get his water yeah Tyga said gasping for air can you at least make it 4 hours fine you want 4 hours you will get 4 hoursTHANK YOU a bit of the pain is gone nice i guess you guys still have to do this for 3 months my legs are in so much pain see you guys tomorrow at 7:00 hey Yuki can I to you yeah give me a sec…. Ok what is it? You have a bruise on your head what no i don’t tell me are you getting bullied……. Y-yes but please don't tell Duri ok but I can help you how? After telling her his plan WHAT YOU WANT BE MY FAKE BOY- shhh you do know that Duri will kill you yes here it’s my number I’ll tell you the rest on text ok after they all went home hey hi so your plan is to be MY fake boyfriend yes that's my plan do you realize how Duri is going to kill you when he finds out that YOU are my boyfriend well fake boyfriend yes i do so how about you keep this a secret just between you and me huh even if we do don’t you think that he might find out? I don’t know how to answer that of course you don’t why would you huh oh right you don’t know anything! Can you stop being so mean NO i will meet you tomorrow at school ok fine see you tomorrow see you at school the next day so what do you say? I say that I don’t agree with any of this but I was forced to do this so ….I-I will be…your..your girl-friend ok a deal is a deal so you know if you tell Duri I will die so how about you not tell him please with whip cream and a cherry on top ugh fine I won't tell him thank you or you can tell him you just have to tell him why yeah he will still kill you either way hey whatcha talking about AHHHHH OMG WHAT ARE YOU A GHOST OMG LEV ? sorry Lev said in a sorry tone YOU BETTER BE what's with the mood I’m not a morning person oh that makes a lot of sense anyway Rowan Duri wants to see you why to be exact Rowan said with a nervous tone yeah why Yuki said worrying i don't know he didn’t say why well i'll go with him okay Lev said before he left do you think he found out no he wasn't in the room at the time you sure YES MY GOD just how am i not dead bro you're going to be fine

My girlfriend and I were together for two years, part of it was long distance. We were previously good friends for 5 years, then she was the one that caught feelings and pursued me first. During our relationship she always told me things like “I’m the one”, we talked about how we would get married and grow old together, she made so many promises that she was 100% sure of me and that she’d never leave. She would say things like “we’ve known each other in every lifetime”. We got together even though I was leaving for a masters study, she said she thought she’d never do long distance again but for me it was worth it, bc she was 100% sure I’m the guy she wants. I left a week after we got together, and I was gone for about a year. During that time we visited once a month, it was always great. I eventually moved back and we spent another year together in person. I’m sorry if this post is too long.
She ended things about a month ago. During the breakup she gave me very vague answers so I couldn’t get the closure I needed. I decided to reach out a week after the breakup to ask why she did it, and what she said killed me inside.
She said that she knew we were compatible and I’m an amazing person but felt like she was settling for me, and she didn’t want to live her life like that when she thinks she can find something better. She said she believes in that soulmate connection with one person when you know deep inside you that this is “it”, and she didn’t feel like that with me, she didn’t think I was “it”. But we did say to each other during the relationship that this was “it”, she told me so many times that I’m the one, so I don’t know how a flip just switched in her brain. She also said she realized she didn’t love me in the way “real love” is, and maybe she just loved the idea of me. She said she always felt the need to be accepted and loved by people and I made her feel like that. She said when you truly love someone you’d sacrifice things for them, and she wouldn’t sacrifice things for me. She said she was forcing herself to be comfortable around me, and it wasn’t the type of comfort that it should be with “the one”.
How the fuck does it take you two years to realize you don’t love someone in the way “real love” is? Especially after all the emotional intimacy we shared. How could you be uncomfortable with me? I was her first kiss, her first hand hold, she said she was saving those things for the right person and she did them with me. Why would she feel like shes settling for me when she’s the one that pursued me first? She went all out to “get me” and be in a relationship with me. Am I really the type of guy that gets settled for? That hurts like hell. She said she was having all these thoughts during the last 4 months of the relationship. But literally a month ago, I felt that she’s been a bit cold, and I asked if everything was okay. She said “nothings wrong, I’ve been really stressed with school/work. But nothings wrong with us, maybe something’s just wrong with me with all the stress. But we’re good, that doesn’t mean I don’t love you or that I’d ever give up on us, I’d never do that. Don’t worry I still love you and I’ll always be here.” She said that word for word. So she was lying to me? Why would you lie instead of communicating openly? If she had told me she was having those thoughts it would’ve been easier for me, but she gave me that reassurance and then blindsided me a month later. I told her it’s normal to lose feelings in a relationship after a while, that eventually that initial spark or honeymoon phase ends, and that’s when the real relationship starts and you work on building a life together. Love eventually becomes a choice and not just a feeling. But she said she wouldn’t lose feelings with the right person. Now I’m the wrong person when she literally told me a million times that we were always meant for each other. I told her I think she’ll end up being disappointed when she realizes there is no “one” person that gives you that magical feeling for life, you eventually reach a point where you have to choose that person everyday. Relationships are hard and most of them end up losing that initial spark, but it’s an opportunity for a new kind of love to blossom, a love based off commitment and loyalty to each other. That’s the only way a relationship can last forever. And during our relationship we even acknowledged that fact together and we told each other that if the feelings fade we will always choose each other no matter what happens. It makes no sense to me. And if she actually lost feelings and fell out of love, that’s fine. But to say she never loved me in the way “real love” is, that makes no sense to me and it’s killing me inside. Have I just been blind and stupid the entire relationship? How does it take TWO YEARS to realize that? She said to me, “maybe you can choose someone and settle for them and learn to love them, but I believe there’s one person out there that is meant for me and when I find them I will know it deep inside me.” Yea, I believed that too. I believed it because I thought it was you. Just because I chose you doesn’t mean I’m settling for you or learning to love you. I thought you were meant for me. It’s so ridiculous I don’t understand, she used to be so sure that I was the one, she knew it deep inside her that I was. And now she’s saying that when she finds it, she’ll know. Well you knew it with me and now you don’t.
Part of me understands why she lost feelings, we didn’t really have a strong base. We were together for only a week before I left for a year. I feel like it wasn’t enough time for the physical attraction to build up and to get to know each other in person. By the time we visited each other, a lot of time had passed and the spark wasn’t the same as the beginning, it was kinda awkward at first. We got into a serious committed relationship talking about future marriage, before we ever hugged each other. She was scared to kiss me, maybe that’s why she said she was forcing herself to be comfortable. But eventually we kissed and it was great. During the visits it felt like everything was going great and that our relationship was getting stronger. I didn’t think that she was uncomfortable. I feel like if we had done all the intimate things in the beginning, we would have a base to build off of and the spark would be alive.
Also I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong. I’m just certain that it’s my fault, that I made her lose attraction. Maybe I wasn’t manly enough or attractive enough. Maybe I was too boring or uninteresting or too “stable”. Being in love with someone basically means you have to be sexually attracted to them first, that’s what separates family love from romantic love. Maybe I didn’t do enough to keep her attracted to me, so she felt like she lost feelings. It was really hard with the distance. I tried, I really tried. I would always flirt and tease her, I tried not to let the relationship feel like it was a platonic friendship over time. I was always confident and “manly” with her, I stood my ground when she did things I didn’t like, I wasn’t needy. We sexted and video called all the time. I always planned amazing dates. I tried to keep the fun alive. I don’t know what else I could’ve done to keep her attracted. I truly feel like if we had been in person the whole time, it would’ve worked and she would’ve still been attracted to me. It’s just different when you’re there physically. But we both knew this, we acknowledged that it was gonna be hard and the feelings may fade, but we said we’d always choose each other no matter what. Maybe it was inevitable with the distance, but at the end she said it wasn’t because of the distance, she believes with the right person the distance wouldn’t matter. So I just wasn’t the right person for her, I was for a while, but I let her lose attraction for me. Your view on love and attraction may differ, but I learned that it’s the guy’s responsibility to keep a woman attracted, it’s about how he acts and behaves that keeps her attracted. So it’s my fault she lost attraction, it’s something I did. For example when I look back at the first visit, a mistake I made was asking to kiss her instead of just going for it. She said no, maybe because I came off as unconfident and that turned her off. I was so nervous during the first visit because there was so much expectation built up inside my head. Maybe that prevented me from being able to genuinely enjoy myself around her and attract her. Eventually though, we got comfortable with each other and we kissed and it was great. I felt the spark was there. I don’t think she met someone else, I asked her and she said no. Yea maybe she could’ve lied, but i know her and I don’t think she would do that. She said “you know me, I would never allow myself to do that while I’m in a relationship. The reasons are solely because I don’t feel in love with you anymore.”
We hit a little rut near the end because we were both very busy, but I didn’t think it was concerning because she always gave reassurance and made it seem like everything is fine. It feels like shit hearing that someone was settling for me. Why wasn’t I enough? I keep looking back and thinking what I could’ve done different to keep her attracted. I keep nitpicking at myself and feeling insecure about the way I am. She was so sure of me in the beginning so I must’ve done something along the way to make her lose feelings. She let me tear my walls down and trust her fully, then she left. It feels like I’m not worthy of love because she saw something in me and decided she didn’t want me. What hurts the most is that to me, she was “it”, to me she was the one. And she said that to me too and I believed her. I felt that she truly meant it when she said that. She would tell me she was always attracted to me and had feelings during our friendship but she “locked them in a box” because she was too afraid. She even told me that I was a walking green flag and that I was perfect and I did nothing wrong. It hurts to know she thinks that yet she still decided she didn’t want me. It kills to know that one day she’ll get married, he’ll get to hold her and kiss her and have a family, and it won’t be with me. I can’t stand the thought of her being intimate with someone else. And it’s the thought that, whoever she ends up with, will be better than me in a way. She will love him more than she loved me. He will make her feel what I couldn’t make her feel. And I’m blaming myself so much that I couldn’t make her feel like that anymore. I’m grieving the future that we both planned together. I feel so betrayed, I feel like shit. Most of all I just really miss her, we knew each other for 7 years and now we’re just strangers again.
I’ve been hurt before, I’ve had a few breakups, but this one hurts the most. I don’t know what it is about this girl that makes me feel like I’ll never find anyone better. I know that time heals everything but I feel like this has damaged me on a deep level, I feel like I can’t let my walls down again. I don’t want to love again and risk getting hurt. I can’t invest myself fully into someone if I’m always afraid they’re going to blindside me. I know a breakup shouldn’t define your self worth, but it’s just the idea that the person I loved doesn’t see herself spending her life with me anymore, that makes me feel really bad. It’s the thought that she saw something in me that made her decide she doesn’t love me. She analyzed our relationship and thought “I want someone better”. The thought that it’s my fault, that it’s something I did. I didn’t have enough “game”. I couldn’t keep her attraction high. I can’t stand the idea of her getting married one day and finding her “it”. Of course I want her to be happy but I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t kill me inside.
Nobody is perfect but she was close to it. She’s such a rare breed, she had everything I wanted in a woman and it’s so hard to come by. I wish I had a reason to hate her but she’s genuinely an amazing person. She did nothing bad to me, we barely fought and when we did it was very gentle. Our entire relationship was pretty much perfect up until the end. I’ve never been with someone that was this compatible with me. She’s the kindest human, she’s intelligent, she’s very mature, she’s beautiful inside and out, she’s very warm and gentle. And the fact that she’s such a sweet and genuine person makes it way harder. If she had cheated or something I think this would’ve been easier on me, because I’d see her as a bad person. But she’s not a bad person. It hurts way more knowing that she was feeling like she wanted to end things, but at the same time she was trying to convince herself to love me, because she didn’t want to hurt me. She didn’t want to break her promises, she was trying so hard not to, but in the end she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. Why do I have to feel like someone has to convince themselves to love me? Why does someone have to force themselves to believe I’m the one? Why can’t anyone ever just truly believe it with their entire soul, that they want to be with me. When I asked for reassurance and she told me she still loved me and would never give up, she was trying to convince herself because she didn’t want to hurt me. It was all lies. Every “I love you” in the last 4 months was a lie. I feel like such an idiot that I was sitting there for the past 4 months thinking that everything was going great. She was just faking her affection the whole time. Imagine hearing that someone was forcing themselves to love you. No one was forcing you! The exit door has always been open, no one forced her to stay, no one forced her to pursue me in the first place. I told her many times that I just want truth and transparency in our relationship, yet she hid all of those things. She said she hid them because she cared about me and didn’t want to hurt me, and she was trying to make it work. But if she truly cared for me, she would know that I deserve honesty, I deserve to know the truth even if it hurts. I don’t deserve to live in a lie. If she cared for me she would let me go find someone who truly loves me, instead of just pretending to love me. By lying, she was only caring about herself, to relieve herself of the guilt. The breakup would’ve been way smoother if she just told the truth from the start, but now I feel like an idiot who sat there for 4 months thinking that everything was going well, when in reality it wasn’t.
There’s so many things I loved about her. I loved the way she cries during every movie, she thinks she’s too sensitive but I think it’s beautiful to feel your emotions that deeply. I loved the way her face lights up when she smiles. I loved how she would call me just to tell me silly little things about her day. I loved her curiosity and wonder for the universe. I loved how she would run into my arms when she saw me. She just understood me, and I understood her. I can’t hate her, I wish I could, but I just love her with all my heart. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Even when 20 years pass and I’m over this and we’re both married to other people, I will still love her and wish the best for her. I miss her so much, I miss talking to her. I know we can't be friends, but I really wish I could still have her in my life. But I shouldn't wish that I guess, because she decided she wants to live her life without me in it. I can’t believe she could decide to lose me forever when she always said she could never live without me.
The worst part is, I reacted to the break up very emotionally. I showed how hurt I was, I wrote a long paragraph, and I brought up all the promises she made. That was a mistake, it probably killed any ounce of attraction she had left. If there was any chance of her coming back or realizing it was a mistake, I destroyed that chance. I made it look like I can’t live without her. I didn’t beg for her back at all, but I kept pushing for answers and explanations. I asked her what I did wrong and stuff, and that made me look super desperate. I should’ve just accepted the break up immediately and cut off all communication. Maybe then she would’ve thought about it, she would wonder why I wasn’t upset and have second thoughts about her decision. It would make me look more attractive in her eyes. But no I ruined it forever. Now all I want to do is salvage some respect, to make her see me as a valuable person. Not as someone who can’t live without her. Deep down I really want her to have a change of heart, I want her to feel re-attracted somehow, after having some time and space away from the situation. But I ruined her image of me. Now I’m looking back and analyzing every little thing about our relationship and wondering what I should’ve done better. I realized I made a lot of mistakes, which at the time I didn’t think were mistakes, but now looking back it’s probably my fault she lost attraction. I didn’t do enough.
I told myself during the relationship that “everything is temporary, don’t get too attached, life can change at any moment”. I know those things because I’ve learned my lessons from the past, but this is still killing me. I know almost everyone has been heartbroken, I’m nothing special, every human has been through this before. I just need to hear that it wasn’t my fault or that I’ll find someone better eventually. I’m blaming myself a lot right now and I keep thinking that she wouldn’t have left if I had been attractive enough. I generally consider myself a confident person but this has set me back a lot, it’s ruining my self esteem. Maybe I have attachment issues that I need to work on. I know that time will heal this, but right now I can’t imagine myself finding someone that’s better. I feel like the idea of “the one” has been ruined for me. I want to believe it, but I don’t think I do anymore. Even if I find another person who I think is the one, there’s always the possibility that they will change their mind. There’s always a chance that all of their words and actions were just lies. A lot of people get into relationships because they love the idea of being in love, not because they are actually in love with the person.
Thank you for reading this far, I know it’s a long post. I needed somewhere to vent, I don’t have many people to talk to. When I cry, I cry alone. And during the act of crying I start to hate myself for being such a bitch. I know it’s perfectly okay to cry and feel your emotions but it’s hard to escape the conditioning that I’m used to. I have friends and family but, I can’t express my emotions the way I did in this post. People have their own lives and worries and they don’t want to deal with someone’s silly heartbreak I guess.
TL;DR - my gf and I broke up a month ago, she said she was settling for me and that I wasn’t the “one”, even though she made promises and assured me that she wouldn’t leave. I keep blaming myself and wondering what I did wrong.

So I've had some issues for a time being with my parents. It all really started cause I didn't really want to come out of my room, and I told them I didn't want to go to college. I really thought they would lay off my back, but then it got bad really quick. I had gotten into an argument with my mom in the morning, and I told her that she sucked at parenting. I even listed why, and that's because she had diametric favoritism to my younger brother whom is autistic, and she's made him dependent on them, and telling me I had to be his role model and go to college according to the psychiatrist I've been seeing(It gets worse trust me). Mind you, this kid just plays video games all day, and they find him the "Perfect child." They don't even care if he does anything with his life or not. When it comes to me, they're all up in my business telling me do this do that. So anyways, my dad printed off a 4-5 page contract, and basically these rules were literally crazy(Ill attach all the images of all the contracts I have received from each of them) I had a mental breakdown, cause well yea what else am I supposed to do when I'm told sign away your life on this piece of paper which isolates me from everyone, and says if you don't do this, we wont sign your early grad approval form. I went through a really bad breakdown too, my face is still quite scarred from scratching myself, and since I have a history of sh in stressful situations, I basically relapsed because of it, and was thinking of dying cause of the amount of stress brought onto me. So I got mad, went home, and burned it. He printed off another page, and right after my AP exams he hands it to me . Tells me to read it. I say, I don't want to read it right now. He's like well you better. I still denied. He didn't like that, and we got into an argument where I told him I don't claim him as my father if he's going to be like this. He told me I was a "Gaslighting Manipulator," he then proceeded to hit me against the dash(3rd time, first with my mom), and told me to "Get the fuck out and walk home", so I didn't know if I was kicked out or not cause like. Was it just the car? Or just gone forever. I walked literally all the way to the highway by my house, and called my gf on the way who sent her mom to pick me up. I was shaking and crying so badly, and didn't know what to do. So I stayed at her place for about 5 hours ish, and when my mom threatened to call the police I finally came home. She even said "I looked for you," but idk how accurate that is. The next day, they had cut off my cell service, and I couldn't text anyone or call anyone, and they realized that. I needed to talk to my therapist, but I couldn't. I needed to tell them everything that has been going on, but I couldn't. The next day, my friends read the contract cause I came in crying. I talked the guidance counselor for like 3 hours. They told me they couldn't do anything like call cps because of no present physical abuse. I talked to a crisis worker, they told me I couldn't really do anything cause of the same thing too. Then things got wayyyy worse. It was around 4, on Friday, May 10th. My mom had came in. I told her I didn't want to see my psychiatrist cause we weren't clicking. She's homeopathic so it's not a good fit. She asked for other alternatives, I didn't know any at the time so I just said idk. My mom apparently called Martha, and Martha said that it might be best to get me committed. It's now 4:30, both my mom and dad walk in after I make myself food and think that oh I'll still be forced to go on call again so I might as well have some food before hand. I got my food, and I went down to the corner of the hallway. My dad, standing right by my brother's room. My mom standing right near the kitchen and front door. They told me get your shoes on we're going, I told them I didn't need it I just didn't click with her. They didn't believe me and I ran to my room. I was followed, I told him no. I don't want to be touched, and when I began to eat my food he basically grabbed me. I tried my best to escape him, but he had a firm grip around my arms and chest. I tried to find anything to latch onto while I was being dragged and shit was being thrown amongst the floor. I couldn't do anything I was helpless I just kept telling them to let me go this was abuse TwT. My mom didn't help either. I was dropped at the shoe rack to get my shoes on. I refused...my mom was then screaming at me "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU'RE GOING" I refused again, she said "ALRIGHT IM CALLING THE COPS." My dad told her to back off basically that she was not helping. But I was picked up again, and held onto the doorframe for as long as I could yelling "IM NOT GOING I DONT WANT TO", she basically just yelled at me,"YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE HELP YOU NEED..." Then she slammed the front door in my face I tried to grab onto whatever I could..but my dad switched his grip on how he was holding me I bit him in the arm and he pinned me down on the sidewalk holding my throat for a bit. I felt like I was going to die. I still kicked and flailed my arms and legs. My mom was there, and she tried to help, but as soon as she tried anything I smacked her in the face. I was thrown in the car right behind the driver's seat. I began to punch at the window, my mom said,"if you break that window I'm having your ass." I stopped, My mom said "good luck." As soon as my dad hopped in, I took advantage and said "I'm not going!," kicked the door open, and ran. I didn't know where to,but I had an idea. I had to avoid the roads as I knew my dad wouldn't come on foot. Hed come in his truck. I ran down the hill in my socks going through bushes just to get down it. I was on the left side of highway 14. Running, I saw my dad's truck and dipped behind a tree. He parked it along the side of the road so I just waited it out. I thought he'd get out, and chase me,but it didn't seem like he saw me. When he turned the truck around, I knew I had time to get away. I didn't know where to go, my first instinct was gf's house,but I knew he might come back that way. So I ran to a neighbor down the hill's house. I rung the doorbell basically crying on their porch, and said "I need help..." The man who answered the door was a retired physician. He asked me what happened I told him my dad basically was physically abusing me, and I didn't know where else to go. So I ran. He let me inside. Where he gave me a glass of water, orange juice, and lemon balm cake. Told me I need to eat more cause I'm a young person to grow. He seemed like a nice guy, he had friends he was going out with, and I felt bad I disturbed his time. He asked me all sorts of questions about me, and I answered truthfully and kindly. The first thing he did was talk to his neighbor Lois who recommended calling the sheriff. He did that, and basically it was just a waiting game. I shook and cried a bit, cause I was so scared. I talked to his daughter who was a child psychologist who told me I'd have to talk to my parents eventually. I didn't want to. The sheriff arrived maybe an hour later. He talked to me, I told him the situation he basically said I couldn't be running away,but he'd call crisis to get this checked out. I remember riding in the squad car back, and crying. I just didn't wanna go back. I waited outside the squad car while he talked to my parents. When he came back over he said that my dad was the only one who would be open to getting me a new psychiatrist. He called crisis, he told me I didn't meet the criteria. I mean I'm pretty mentally stable as far as I want to get clean. Uhm, so I talked to my dad a bit. I then went inside as the officer asked. My mom and brother packed their shit, and left. My father talked to the cop for a good hour, and when I looked out the window it's like he was being checked. I didn't know what to do, so I just did the few chores that I knew wouldn't get done cause my brother was gone. Took a shower, and made sure to turn off the rgb to my pc. My gf had a feeling, and I didn't want to tempt it. Then I fell asleep. Plus I'm supposed to get a sim card aswell that I pay for, but the package disappeared, and my gf feels really bad about it. So that solves one problem of not being able to contact people, but now my mom is literally on my ass. She gave me a contract too, I told her I don't want anymore contracts. We got into an argument, and she called me a "narcissist" I said I am? So are you. Starting to look like your grandma there(my great great grandma was a narc and she was raised by her) I was angry, still am. Like now, my family wont talk to me, or even look at me, and worst of all? My mom basically is trying to make me fail cause I have a tendency to oversleep, and she wont even come wake me up, and take me to school so shes basically trying to make me fail, even though I know if she does that her ass is grass.I don't wanna sign these bogus contracts, I don't even want them to be my family anymore tbh, but idk if they're narcs, or im just the narc here. Cause idk...its a really messy situation. sooooo Help? Suggestions? Is this normal???

The stress of the last six months has nearly killed me. Besides the general cratering of the outside world—political strife, climate change, inflated rents, corporate greed, and the baffling resurgence of crew socks—my internal life was falling apart, too. I'm at the point where I can't see a way out of the darkness, and that feeling has only grown in the last few days.
My struggles ramped up exponentially in the last two weeks. It started when my long-term girlfriend and I called it quits after five years. There was no definitive relationship-altering fight or infidelity. It was simply the boring banality of the "roommate-ification" of our lives together. We both felt the shift but never talked about it. Turns out communication is important.
Truthfully, we'd stayed together for so long because we couldn't afford to live apart. Our rent had nearly doubled the last time we re-upped our lease but even that was a bargain compared to what was out there currently. We were trapped by our need to have a roof over our heads.
My job had stagnated, and I couldn't find anything better. I was stuck. Like me, she'd been job hunting as well. Unlike me, she had a master's, and her prospects should've been higher. They weren't. For five months, she applied to hundreds of jobs and couldn't break through. If she got a rejection email, it was a win. Most of the time, the companies never responded.
Finally, she found a great opportunity at a Fortune 500 company. It was an involved process. She nailed the five interviews, and her "test project" was well received. She was offered the position, and it came with a massive pay increase—double her current salary. I was proud of her—she needed a win. We celebrated with pizza and beer that night.
Two days later, she dropped the bomb that she was breaking things off. The relationship ending wasn't a surprise. The timing was. The discussion was brief, and there was zero chance of reconciliation. She declined when I asked if she could stay until the lease ended. Mentally, it would've been too much for her. Two days after that, she moved out, taking half the rent with her. I was stuck in a lease I couldn't afford on my salary for the next six months.
My free time evaporated as I took on two extra gigs to help make ends meet. In addition to my office nine to five, I drove for a delivery app on the weekends and took a part-time night job stocking shelves at a local grocery store. When I wasn't hustling for housing, I slept or ate. I did nothing beyond that. Nothing brings me joy. There is no spark.
This drudgery has become my daily routine, and it's killing me.
To help cover some cost gaps, I've started selling off some of my stuff online. It was just me here, and I decided that the Spartan lifestyle would have to work for now. Anything I could fetch a decent amount for went up for sale. My apartment is so empty now every noise causes an echo.
Before my shift at the grocery store, I agreed to meet someone who wanted to take a look at my kitchen table. It was a lovely table – my ex had obsessed over it – but I didn't see a need at the moment. Now that I was a bachelor, my TV trays became my default kitchen tables anyway. I wasn't planning on any dinner parties in the future anyway.
A couple showed up later than they said they would. It was a bored-looking guy and a fastidious young woman. She made friendly small talk as she looked over the table. Her boyfriend (I think) stayed quiet and played bodyguard. I gave him a friendly nod at one point, and he just looked away. She said they'd take it without trying to talk me down. I took the small win.
She asked if I could help carry it down to their truck. I was running late, but feeling helpful, even for a fleeting few seconds, was worth it. Her silent boyfriend and I hauled the table through the hallway and even managed to avoid hitting the walls the entire way down.
I placed it in their truck, got my money, and turned to leave. The girl said thanks, and the boyfriend finally returned the nod. I gave a weird half-wave to them both and started to walk away when I heard the passenger window being rolled down.
"Hey man," the boyfriend said, his voice higher pitched than I thought it would. "What was up with your brother giving us the evil eye in the lobby when we got here?"
I turned around, "Huh? I don't have a brother."
"A cousin then?"
"My family lives about a thousand miles away. What happened in the lobby?"
"A dude that looked just like you was hiding in a dark hallway in the lobby and staring at my girl's ass."
"Jacob, really," she said.
"I'm sorry that happened, but I had nothing to do with it. We do have the occasional homeless guy meander in. Maybe you saw one of them," I said. "Did he say or do anything bad?"
"Jacob, I asked you to not say something," the girl said, burying her head in her hands.
Jacob's frosty attitude to me made sense now. "He said something about running up that ass. I dunno, he was mumbling. I told him I'd beat his ass if he didn't stop staring. Seemed to shut him up."
"Oh. Well, congrats," I said. "I'll tell the manager. Thanks for letting me know."
"You should do a better job keeping jokers like that out of the building."
"Jacob, he's not a security guard."
"He should still be a man and protect his home."
"Have a good night," I said, ending the conversation and heading back up to my apartment. I had about five minutes to change and head out before I'd be late. Last thing my ego needed was to be fired from my backup job.
Thankfully, I was able to slip into work and not get spotted by my boss. That was the last of the good news, though. We had a massive weekly order come in, which meant I'd be there late, plus someone had called out. Worse, our hand truck had a flat tire, and I spent the next few hours torturing my muscles, schlepping heavy boxes around the store. I soldiered on, counting down the minutes until I left and fantasizing about going to bed for the night.
If wishing for sleep wasn't a sad statement to my mental well-being, nothing was.
I came home after my shift at the grocery store and plopped down on the couch. I had contemplated selling it, but it was an older Ikea number, and I didn't think the value would replace my desire to sit. I could feel my body sink into the cushions, and the day's tension seep out. I was beat and tired to the point that turning on the TV was a chore.
I picked up my phone and thought I'd doomscroll until sleep overtook me. I didn't expect it to be a long scroll, as even the methadone that is my phone has failed me lately. As I lowered myself from a slumped position to a supine one, I heard footsteps outside my apartment door. This was not unusual, but the noise I heard sounded like kid footsteps. That was unusual, as nobody on our floor had kids, and it was almost midnight.
Despite my body screaming at me to not move, my brain suggested I check it out. I rolled myself off the couch and eventually stood up. I listened again and heard the kid running down the hallway. I walked over to my door and looked out the peephole. I didn't see anyone.
"Maybe I'm dreaming," I said to myself. "Maybe I'm not staring out a peephole, expecting to see a kid running down the hall at midnight, but instead, I'm cuddled up in my bed, snoozing." I pinched my arm and felt the pain. I was definitely in the waking world.
I turned to head back to the couch when I heard the running again, this time louder. I opened my door and peeked out into the hallway. Nobody was there. The door from the apartment across me opened up, too. Gloria, a young at heart grandma who was friendly/constantly buzzed in a wine mom kind of way, gave me a once over.
"You heard that, too?" she asked.
"Kids?"
"No rugrats around. I assumed it was some drunk assholes stumbling home from the bar."
I laughed. Gloria was, as always, blunt. "I didn't see any assholes," I said.
"Then you're not watching the right kind of internet videos," she said with a wink and a hoarse cackle.
I blushed. How do you respond to that? I just kind of nodded in agreement and shrugged.
"Gotta get your jollies while you can," she said before adding, "You need some rest, dear. You look like hammered shit." She shut her door and went back inside.
She was right. I felt like hammered shit. Since I wasn't going to solve the case of the mysterious runner and was sure it wasn't some lost kid, I decided to call it a night. I went back inside, shut down the apartment, and crawled into bed.
I thought about watching one of the "right kind of internet videos" but fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
"Your problem is you think the world owes you something."
John, my elderly coworker at the grocery store, was standing by while I unloaded a pallet of cereal. I liked John, and when I first started, we instantly clicked. He's quick with a joke and fun to talk to. He's also about thirty years older than me and speaks with the Boomer combination of accumulated wisdom, backhanded compliments, and fringe conspiracy nonsense. Still, regardless of how couched the kindness is in gobbledygook, he's usually coming from a good place.
"What?" I said, putting a box of Captain Crunch on the shelf.
"You're complaining about your situation, right? Saying it ain't fair. The world took a paddle to your hind quarters? Hey brother, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Gotta just pick yourself up and start over. You're smart enough – figured this job out right quick – you can do it."
The job was wheeling pallets around the store and stocking shelves. It wasn't much to figure out, but I understood his meaning. The other stuff wasn't necessary, though. "I'm just in a funk. I don't see a way forward."
"Hey, so you've bottomed out. No shame in that. Happens to us all. Silver lining, you can only go up," he said before adding, "Unless some other bad shit happens to you like your car dies or your apartment building burns down. But after that, it's only up."
"The apartment building burning down would be a blessing," I said, hoisting another little Captain on the shelf. "The rent is killing me."
"Have you tried negotiating a lower rent? They used to do that when I was your age."
"I think they'd evict me if I even asked."
"Hell, then you'd have at least thirty days, maybe forty, before they'd kick you out. Plenty of time to turn things around."
"Uh-huh," I said, "Any chance you could give me a hand here?"
"My back is screaming like a pretty young thing after prom," he said, holding his back for emphasis.
I didn't push. "Hey, I meant to tell you about some weird shit that happened the other night."
"Lay it on me. I love the strange."
"So, after my shift the other day, I got home around midnight and was flopped on the couch. I heard someone running down the hallway outside my apartment. I wasn't the only one. A few other neighbors heard it, too. When we checked, though, nobody was there."
"That ain't strange," John said, waving his hand, "that's a man who's plowing another man's wife running for his life."
I laughed. "That's not the weird part. So, for the next two nights, it's the same thing. Around midnight, someone runs down the hallway. Only this time, they're trying the door handles as they pass. So, I asked the front desk to check the security cameras, and they do."
"They see a man running away holding his clothes?"
"There wasn't anyone running down the hall," I said, "But the weird thing was, you could see the door handles turning on the video."
"Damn, that's a good one," John said, "You sure it wasn't just a camera glitch. These new ones from overseas aren't as reliable as they want you to think. Chinese probably using them to spy on you, too."
He continued as my brain tried to reconcile John's two opposing comments. "Weird shit happens at night, man. Before working here, I only worked the day shift. Even when they offered me more money to work nights, I turned it down. Even when they promised me a promotion, I turned them down."
In a previous life, John had worked as a paramedic. He came by it after serving in a medical unit in the army. He'd told me he loved the rush of the job, but after a while, the death and hurt in people's eyes got to be too much to handle. But he worked there for almost twenty years. So, the man had a tolerance for shenanigans and odd occurrences.
"Why'd you agree to work nights here?"
"Shit, we're home before the witching hour. This is like late afternoons, at best. But if it was overnights, hell no. Captain Crunch can anchor his own ship to the shelves. I'd take my ass to 7-11 for a day shift before agreeing to work an overnight."
"Something happen to you during the army?”
“I got the clap,” he offered.
I sighed. “What turned you off nights?"
"Oh. I heard enough stories from coworkers to know I didn't want to experience any of that hoo-doo shit," he said, "trying to save someone's life is hard enough without adding in demon kids and ghosts."
"Did your coworkers see demon kids?" I asked, moving on from the good Captain to the Trix rabbit.
He nodded, "They saw too much. I find it odd, even with all the surveillance we have now and all the science we know about these days, that the night still scares us. You ever know someone who worked a night shift?"
I had. My ex. During college, she worked the overnight desk at a hotel for a while. She quit because the job gave her bad vibes. I told John as much.
He pointed and laughed, "See! Don't you find it odd that every person who works at night always has a story of something eerie happening to them? Every person, buster. That's what they call an irrefutable fact."
"Maybe the ghost running down the hallway is an old employee still doing his rounds."
"In that case, keep that door double locked. I'd even wedge a towel under the door just in case."
"Maybe they're friendly? Casper-like in that way."
"You ever heard someone tell you about a friendly ghost outside the funny papers?"
"I'm sure it happens," I said, "The scary ghosts are more popular though."
“We think we know everything there is to know but we are just babes in the woods when it comes to night things.” John shook his head. "Imma tell you one or three things that happened to a guy I worked with back when I first got hired on to chase after corpses in the ambo. Guy's name was Gil. Quiet man, kept to himself. Didn't rock the boat or demand a bigger paddle. Just rowed with us. Good cat to learn under," John said, finally handing me a cereal box.
I took it, and he kept going, "Now, Gil, ya see, he had a little wifey that would pester him about working days. She was a cop and worked evenings at that time, so they never saw each other. When married people can't align their genitals every now and then, it spells doom."
"A little too much information but sure," I said, shelving another box of Trix.
"Probably part of what happened with you and yours," he said. He wasn't wrong, but that didn't mean I wanted to hear it.
John kept on, "Gil finally got approved to move to nights. Little pay boost and a happy, 'fulfilled' wife should've made that man happy. But it didn't. I saw him a few months later, and he had changed. He might've been quiet when he was working with me, but he'd talk to you if you engaged. When I saw him that time, though, oh boy. He looked sick."
"Wasn't a fan of working nights?"
"Wasn't a fan of living anymore is the feeling I got," John said, "After some prodding, he got to talking with me some. Told me he missed days because the nights were messing with him. I thought it had to do with the schedule change, but that wasn't the case. He said he saw things in the dark he couldn't explain. Things that would turn James Brown into James White, ya dig?"
"I...dig," I said.
"Told me they got a call to an abandoned apartment building one night, around three in the morning. Wasn't unusual. Old buildings in the city are where hop-heads congregate and share drugs. Sometimes, the drugs are too much. Sometimes, they find a person passed out or, worse, dead. When you work in the ambo, you aren't scared of death like a civilian. You've been around it. Probably seen a few folks take their last breaths. It doesn't bother you the way Mother Nature intended it should."
He handed me another box, continuing his assist streak, and kept going, "Ambo pulled up, Gil stepped out and looked for someone to talk to. Nobody there, though. Not uncommon. Some people want to help but not be involved. There's not a soul around. He calls out, but nothing comes back. Tells me he turns to get back in the ambulance when he hears a scream from inside the run-down building. They're calling for help. He's gotta go in the abandoned building in the dark."
"No thanks," I said.
"But it don't bother a medic like that. Gil's done a million of these calls. No big deal. He runs into that building but doesn't come back out until twenty minutes later. Just goes missing. After five, the crew heads in to back him up but can't find him. Gil tells me his crew called the cops. It was like he had vanished."
"What happened?"
"I asked him and he got real quiet. Said he fell into some place that looked like here but wasn't here. Said he felt their eyes on him. Judging him. Told me they followed him home and wouldn't leave him be."
"Who?"
John shrugged, "He didn't say. Shut down after that and left. Just walked past me like I was shit on the sidewalk. He quit about a week later. Heard he had a stroke a year later and was a tombstone owner three months after that. Good guy, though."
"Your aversion to overnights makes a little more sense."
"Never in a million years. You don't want something like that coming after you."
"In my case, could it get much worse?" I said with a half-smile.
"Man, I wouldn't even joke about that," he said, making the sign of the cross, "You don't want that shit attachin' itself to you. With your luck, you'd bring him in here, and it'd hop over to me. I can't have a ghost crimping my style."
After a bit, he got called away to sign off on a delivery. I finished out my shift and headed out to the parking lot. When I exited the building and spotted my car, I froze. My doors were all open, and the interior lights were on. Someone had broken in.
I glanced around the lot to see if the thief was still around, but there wasn't another person near me. I walked over to the car and peered inside. My glovebox had been ripped open, and my registration was pulled out, but nothing else was missing.
I found little hand prints in the dirt all along the body and the windows. I held mine up for comparison, and they were about half the size. It must've been some tweens or teens who did this. Maybe they were going to steal some things and got cold feet. I contemplated calling the cops, but since nothing had happened and they wouldn't do anything anyway, there was no reason to delay sleep any longer than I had to. I closed all the doors and climbed inside.
I started the car and heard something rattling in the AC vents. I pulled out my phone and shined the light at the vent. There was a small piece of paper inside. I looked around my car for some tool to pull it out and only found an ink pen and a bent-up paperclip. After McGuyvering the vent for a bit, the paper finally came out.
I held it up and unfolded it. There was a handwritten note. It simply read, "I know you're here. I know you're hiding him. I will find you both, and then it'll be your turn to run the race. We all have to run at some point."
I had no idea what that meant, but my body still provided goosebumps. Who was trying to find me? Who was the second person? Why leave a note in my AC vent? What the hell did run the race mean? I hadn't run a race since elementary school and wasn't planning to do so any time soon. Did they mean the rat race? Because I was basically marathoning that motherfucker already.
"Jesus Christ," I said, shaking my head. "What else, universe?"
As if it were a well-practiced comedy routine, the universe responded. My back passenger door swung open, and I heard footsteps running away from my car. I sprung up and scrambled to get out. There wasn't anyone else in the lot that I could see, but very clearly, someone had been hiding in my backseat.
My nerves were shot already, and this was not something I wanted to deal with at the moment. My brain decided that to avoid a breakdown, I needed to shift into automatic mode and just get back to the safety of my apartment. I'd be more prepared to deal with this – whatever it was – in the morning.
Either that or I'd jump in front of a bus. Both sounded satisfying, albeit in different ways.
***
"There he is," Gloria said as soon as I turned down the hallway. I looked up and noticed a small cabal of my neighbors standing in a semi-circle, waiting for me. They all look displeased.
"Hey guys," I said, confused. "I miss an invite for a block party?"
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
"About?"
"Don't play dumb," another neighbor said, jabbing their finger in my direction.
"I'm not playing," I said, realizing the self-burn only after the words escaped my lips.
Gloria showed me the screen on her phone. It was a static shot of her door from across the hall. She pressed play, and nothing happened for a beat until something darted across the screen. That was the whole thing. I looked up at her, my face twisted up in confusion.
"Well," she said, "What do you have to say?"
"What was that?" I asked.
"That was you!" the pointing neighbor said, pointing harder than I thought possible.
"What?" I said, laughing. "Are you all serious?" They didn't laugh, and I realized they weren't joking. "How can you even tell it's me? It's a blur. Never mind the fact I've been at work for the last five hours. Plus, this blur is half my size. I get we're all weirded out about the Phantom Runner, but it's not me. I swear to God. I don't even have the energy to think about running, let alone the physical desire to."
"Then explain this," Gloria said, slightly swaying from the half bottle of Pinot Noir coursing through her blood. She rewound the video and froze it on a specific frame. I couldn't believe my eyes, but I was looking at...me. Or, rather, something pretending to be me.
"What the fuck?" I said, my jaw dropping.
"Still think we're lying?" the pointer said smugly.
"No, but, guys, this isn't me. I... I've been at work. Wanna see my schedule?"
I reached into my phone and pulled it out. There was an email with my work schedule that confirmed what I was saying. They relaxed, and, for the first time, anger gave way to fear. Their very plausible explanation was suddenly invalid. It left two implausible answers floating in the ether: either I had a pint-sized doppelganger terrorizing the hallways of my apartment, or a ghost was haunting the building.
"I'm...gonna go inside," the pointer said, walking back to their home. Everyone else drifted away until it was just Gloria and I standing alone in the hallway.
She looked at me and sighed, "I feel like an asshole," she said. "Sorry I accused you of causing the racket."
"If I had seen the video, I would've thought the same thing," I said. "We're good."
"What do you think it is?" she asked.
I shrugged and let out an exhausted sigh. "Honestly, Gloria, I've had a screwed-up night already, and this is the cherry on top of the shit sundae; forgive my language. I don't have the mental bandwidth to even comprehend what's on the video at the moment."
"Think it's after you?" she asked, though I suspected the wine had forced her to put that idea out into the universe. As I had already seen, the universe seemed to take requests on my behalf.
"Maybe it's after you?" I said, coming off a little meaner than I intended, but I didn't care. I left her there to contemplate that scenario and went into my apartment.
As soon as the door shut behind me, I felt on edge. Just because I didn't have the mental bandwidth to discuss the doppelganger didn't mean it wasn't dominating my thoughts. I saw the frame of the video. The damn ghost looked exactly like me. What could that possibly mean? I know I had wished for death, but I was very still alive. I had rent due to prove that.
Did I happen to live in a place haunted by a ghost that looked strikingly like me? Was it some kid with a passing resemblance just causing chaos? Was it something else I couldn't even comprehend – an alien? A clone? A secret government project?
There was a thumping coming from the hallway. The mini Usain Bolt was at it again. I knew the neighbors would ignore it. Since they had all thought it was me, which was proven to be untrue, they would avoid the running man from now on. While curious and confused by the creature, they'd never put themselves in harm's way to discover what it was. They were not a brave lot.
Neither was I, but maybe my life crumbling around me had forced my hand. I walked over to my door and swung it open. I hit record on my phone, stuck it out like a periscope, and glanced around the hallway. Nobody was there. No neighbors were looking. No person was running.
"You gotta stop, man. I need to go to sleep," I said to the empty space. No response, not that I was expecting one.
I turned to walk back in, and I caught something out of the corner of my eye. A face at the end of the hallway peeked around the corner. For a quick second, we locked eyes, and it was like I was looking into a mirror. This thing was me. But...how?
I tried to get it on video, but it ducked back into the shadows. I took that as a cue to shut and lock my door. My heart was racing, and I didn't want to think about this anymore, but I couldn't help it. There was a me in the hallway who enjoyed pestering my neighbors. Worse, they liked to run for some ungodly reason.
I put my phone on the counter, the video still rolling, when there was a knock at my door. It echoed in my near-empty apartment. I tried to ignore it and convince myself it was something else, but it wasn't. The ghost was knocking on my door. Even with my brain paralyzed, I couldn't help but think that it was awfully polite to knock.
Another knock, this one more forceful. I wondered if the neighbors thought I was making this up?
"I know you're in there," a voice said. It sounded just like me. "This is about the race. We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I froze. My legs went wobbly like a boxer on the brink of a blackout, but I stayed tall. I opened my mouth to speak and found the words dying in my throat. I grabbed a nearby bottle of water and took a chug.
"We all have to run the race."
"What race?" I choked out, "What are you talking about?"
"Open up. They're in there already, and I need to get them."
I glanced all around my empty apartment. I didn't see anyone else in here. I didn't hear anything. Whatever this thing was, it was lying. I grabbed my phone and held it in my hand. I wanted to document this to prove that I wasn't crazy.
“Did you leave the note?”
“I know they’re in there with you,” it repeated.
"There's no one in here," I said.
"They're hiding. I think I know where. I can hear them."
"You've gotta get out of here," I said. "There's nothing here, and you're scaring people."
"I'm scared, and you should be! You have to run the race, man! Open up, and I can show you."
The handle started to shake. I peered through the keyhole and only saw the top of the other me's head. They began to shoulder the door, and it crunched against my nose. I screamed out in pain and stumbled back. I tripped over my feet and landed hard on my ass.
The thing slammed into the door two more times, shaking the walls. The strength seemed unnatural. On the third hit, the door burst open. I finally got a view of the thing. It was me. Scaled down by half, but it was me. We both seemed shocked.
"You're so much taller up close," the other me said.
"Who the fuck are you?"
I felt a buzzing in my feet that seemed to climb up my body until it reached my brain. There was an intense pain that rippled through the folds of my mind. Through the pain, I could hear a disembodied voice whisper, "We all must run the race. We all have to run. Chase it. Chase yourself." It felt like my skull was going to split in two. I clutched the sides of my head and let out a primal scream that hurt my own ears.
Then it was gone. But I could still feel the echoes in my mind. "We all have to run the race. We all have to run." The thought would waver between making no sense and making complete sense. One second, I was questioning what was happening to my mind, and the next, all I felt was the desire to continue the race.
"There he is!" the other me yelled, pointing at the hallway.
I glanced over and saw another version of me standing in the hallway. It was half the size of the other me that had broken into my place. When tiny me locked eyes with my intruder, he ran for the open hallway closet.
The other me followed, screaming that it would catch the little bastard if it was the last thing he'd do. I pushed myself up to my feet and felt queasy. I watched as the other me ran head-first into the closet without slowing. I expected to hear a loud thump as it hit the back wall but none came.
"We all have to run the race," the voice in my head said, soothing my nerves. "It's your time to run the race."
I moved down the hallway, each footfall echoing loudly in the empty apartment, each step bringing me closer to the closet door. Something was drawing me there. The voice's words echoed in my mind as well: "We all have to run the race. It's your turn now."
I grabbed the door and stopped. Something was compelling me to move forward. To go into the closet. To chase myself. To run the race.
"No," I whispered and yanked my hand from the door. I pulled out my still recording phone, and stared into the camera. My face was devoid of color, and you could see the fear etched into me. "I'm freaking out because...because…"
I stopped. I felt an invisible hand grab my body and tug. "Because...because if I don't run the race, something bad will happen. I have to chase it. I...I have to."
My phone dropped from my hand, and I didn’t care. The force pulling me forward stopped but my body kept going. I could feel the last strands of my rational mind splintering. My thoughts became focused on one thing: I had to catch myself, find out what was happening, and run the race. If I ran, maybe I'd win.
I needed a win.
I walked into the back of the closet and felt a door handle sticking out of the wall. I'd been in that closet a million times before and never had seen this. But a sense of calm washed over me. This….this was supposed to be here. This was perfectly fine.
I turned the handle and pulled open the invisible door. In front of me was a hallway that looked strikingly like the one outside my apartment. At the end of the hallway, I saw Gloria step out of their home to leave for the night. She was huge. Twice my size, easy.
Another door opened, and I saw...me—a giant version of me. The Hulk version of me was getting ready to go to the grocery store for work. I watched as the giant Gloria and giant me joked and laughed. I was stunned.
I stared, and a new thought came to me. I have to find the smaller me and talk to it. I needed to find out if there's a way out of this...this….
"It's your turn to run," the voice said.
Calm embraced me. "It's my turn to run," I repeated. As the giant me took off and the giant Gloria re-entered her apartment, the hallway beckoned.
"We all have to run the race," I said softly, "It's my turn now."
I started running.

Hello!
So, I decided to make a part 2 because my original post ended up being more theory based and stuff, which resulted in it getting to be to similar to F2. I really did not like the story I came up with, especially the ending with Arendelle and Northuldra combining, and Anna and Elsa being representatives of one of the people each. I mean, if you really think about it, how was that even supposed to work at all? How were to completely different people supposed to even coexist in the same town. One was pretty modern, while the other people lived in tents and took care of animals all day.
Anyways, I did have more ideas that did not fit in before because I was trying to figure out what the creators were going for, so here they are. Plus! I also thought of my own Frozen 2 story idea I would love to share!
First Idea! Elsa and her learning not to shut the door!
Now, we all know this is pointless. She learned the lesson in Frozen, and OFA showed she was getting better. I do think there is potential of a sequel fully tackling this bad habit of Elsa's and finally showing she has gotten over it, but it has to be done in a way that does not set her character back to zero. I think maybe having her slip up near the end, which results in something bad happening is a good idea instead. Another thing that needs to happen is that Elsa has to work to make things right afterwards. It cannot be another, "Elsa makes a mistake by pushing Anna away, resulting in something bad happening and Anna having to fix it", kind of story. No, have Elsa see she made a mistake and try to fix it herself. This way it is actually clear that she has learned her lesson. Just like she tried to do in OFA.
Another thing I noticed with Elsa and her habit of pushing people away, is how Anna responds to it. In OFA when Elsa once again slams the door in Anna's face, Anna does not push it. Instead Anna leaves and tries to solve the problem herself by going up to the attic and try and find a tradition for Elsa and her.
I know we all focus on how Elsa tries to do everything herself, but I think Anna has the same problem, just in a different way. She wants to do things together but as soon as she meets resistance or is denied, Anna then just goes at it alone. I am picturing Elsa's coronation where Anna tries to get Elsa to say why the gates cannot just stay open, but Elsa jerks away and shouts it just can't, and Anna leaves. Anna has been rejected all her life, so it makes sense if even know that Elsa has opened up, Anna is still afraid of pushing things to far, just like she ended up doing at the end of Elsa's coronation which resulted in Elsa's powers getting revealed.
Another thing about Elsa and pushing everyone away, it is not just that she tries to do things herself, but also that she just gives up. If something feels hopeless to Elsa, she shuts down. But nothing ever seems hopeless to Anna, so she ends up foolhardily trying to solve it by herself.
So, when it comes to the story, I am imagining Anna and Elsa go on an adventure, but as the movie goes on, Elsa loses more and more faith until she finally gives up. Anna argues with her that they are almost there, but Elsa says enough and walks away. Anna becomes determined and sets out by herself but quickly is in danger. Elsa learns about this and realizes it is because of what she had done, not only giving up, but also not even trying to explain her reasoning to Anna as well. Elsa rushes and she saves Anna. She apologizes to Anna and tells her that she can rely on her more now. Anna in turn also apologizes for rushing into things to much.
And now for my second idea, which has to do with Olaf and Kristoff!
So, in OFA, Olaf, blow up Kristoff's sled. So that means Kristoff is currently unable to do his job. For Kristoff's story, I think he should be working to try and pay for a new sled. Anna tries to insist on paying for a new one, but Kristoff refuses. He does not just want to live off of Anna and Elsa's wealth, and he takes pride in the hard work he does as an ice harvester. So Kristoff gets a job. This I think is a much better thing for Kristoff to do, instead of just trying to propose.
As for Olaf, he has a character ark about responsibility. He feels bad about destroying Kristoff's sled and tries to get a job himself. And he also ends up being the one who tells Elsa that Anna went out on her own. Anna had asked him for help, and then told him not to tell Elsa, which resulted in making Olaf feel torn. On one hand, Anna had asked him not to tell, so he does not want to betray her trust. But on the other hand, he knows that Elsa should be told that Anna ran away. In the end, he realizes it is his responsibility to make sure everyone is safe, and Anna clearly is not safe, so he goes to tell Elsa.
Well that is all the ideas I had, based off of what is set up in OFA.
I do think a sequel should tackle more about Anna and Elsa's traumatic childhood so they can become closer, and that dealing with how their parents raised them is probably the best next option. And I think Anna and Elsa would want to somehow become closer with their subjects.
As for my rewrite idea. I am going to create another post that is dedicated just to it. It is going to be an outline of the story. I have a beginning and a really great ending, with some ideas for the middle, including song suggestions. So look forward to it. Plus, it has nothing to do with F2!
Her is a little bit about what it is going to be about. So, has anyone else been getting all of those North Sea short videos on YouTube or Tick Tock? Showing all those big ships and all the large and dangerous waves? I was watching them, and briefly remembered that Elsa also crossed a sea. That sea was called the Dark Sea, and it was nothing compared to what was being shown of the North Sea. I mean, there were video's of whorl pools, and tornados, humongous waves, and even lightning striking the water. Not to mention the sea is supposed to be very foggy as well. I saw one video where it was just a huge wall of fog, and a ship slowly sailing and disappearing into it. I don't know if that was real or CGI, but it looked so threatening and cool!
So! for my Frozen 2 story, Anna and Elsa are going on a high waters adventure! And what are they doing? They are searching for their parents lost ship!
I think being on a ship surrounded by dangerous waters, would actually keep everyone on an even playing field. Elsa knows she cannot use her powers carelessly, or she might end up damaging the ship. For instance, if a giant wave came crashing towards the ship, Elsa cannot just freeze it, because then it would be like a giant iceberg hitting the ship instead of just water. And even if the ship sank and she froze the entire ocean, then what? She would be stranded in the middle of the ocean and would have to walk to land, which would be miles and miles away.
Kristoff would probably be a big help to the crew. He is big and really strong, not to mention is used to cold weather and risking his life for his job, so he adjusts to being on a ship really quickly.
And Anna has been shown to be really nimble and can climb anything, so she ends up helping a lot as well.
The main conflict is going to be with the ships captain. He feels like the journey is pointless as there is no guaranty they can even find Agnarr and Iduna's ship. Plus he has sailed these seas for years and knows how dangerous they are, so taking the queen and princess on this journey is something he really does not want to do. He is constantly butting heads with Elsa, especially in authority, because even if she is queen, this is his ship and his crew. Elsa in turn is also struggling with her confidence in this journey. She starts of strong and really wanting to find her parents ship, but as the waters become more dangerous, Elsa's hope of reaching the end dwindles as well. Anna on the other hand truly believes they will find their parents ship. And finally, Kristoff, who has gotten a job on this ship is trying to keep the peace. He knows how much this journey means to Anna and Elsa, but he also does not want them to get hurt, and he also does not want to lose the job he finally managed to get.
Well, that is all I will say. What do you think? What should I call it? Definitely not Frozen 2. I was thinking Journey of the Frozen Sea, or The Frozen North Sea.

I don’t want to rant out of frustration but this may go there. I also have a few sincere questions out of concern and need for my own awareness. I started selling in 2011 and was an early ambassador (lol when it meant something and you had to be accountable and apologize for selling a swimsuit that was nwot to earn that status) so I’ve seen some things…
like when all party invites came from that one poor employee who the newb karens ripped to shreds because they did not understand how automated invites worked or that they could unsubscribe from emails. LOL.
I never dreamt I would see the romper room messy bs that these live shows have brought. Holy untreated mental illness Batman. I have read up on changes to the algo and pretty much the basics of how to please the gods and things are going decently. If anyone reads this and wants to mentor me counsel me or offer tips grace or support I’d honestly welcome it. But wow I’ve been blown away at the expectations of people. And at some of the low key judgment toward resellers. Why is that? It’s kind of amazing the way that this platform has lost a sense of decorum I’m guessing due to the lack of support for sellers. Buyers are privy to way more information about most of these items than they are what they buy online and even in some stores. Yet ask questions of sellers that are so out of pocket and with very little frame of reference. So many aspects of clothing are subject to wearer that it’s difficult to answer things like “how does this fit” and that’s a fave. When a stock photo and measurements are given? Figure it out! 🤦‍♀️ if you’re short it’s prob gonna be long hun. And I do NOT talk like that. But a few days back on this app of getting questions like “is that the sheen on the pants or do they fit that tight” when the measurements, stock photos, fabric content and multiple other photos of the fabric in various lighting are listed. I feel like adults should be able to not have to make me ask them how thick their thighs are and compare it to the measurement in the listing for them. That is my time and it is worth money. Sorry but that’s just capitalism? I did not choose it. I’m sorry these basic skills are so allusive. People literally don’t know how to measure their own clothes and compare though?
Is this the experience others have had in current years and how do you handle these people who seem to not understand how clothes work?
Then there are the people who repeatedly make the same lowball offer. And insist on commenting that they made an offer when the offer was extremely low. I’ve got one who I want to block because she’s being rude about it and in her about section it says “NOT a reseller just selling clothes my family doesn’t wear anymore.” That’s technically reselling babe. When did the virtue signaling like begin??. And if it’s some “I have a real job” flex that is for one thing extremely ableist and I would like to say check your privilege to anyone in that camp before you come at me. She has had time to comment on my listing all day demanding I respond to her offer and give more info. 🧐 Not a reseller yet she has been on here for several years and has made over 600 sales. Cool beans tell me more. Ok now I’m ranting sorry.
I have gotten so many questions that could have been answered so much faster had they googled it or by using that handy image search function. Or by searching for similar listings and seeing that info listed elsewhere. I realize this makes me sound like a lazy or unresponsive/bad seller but I’ve just been swamped since getting my closet back up and going. That definitely does not mean I’m rolling in sales. I have not bought bots I’m trying to just get measurements on all the listings and develop my inventory. Again. People seem to behave like they are helpless and are impatient with their questions. Is it the clientele these days? Is it because they can? Am I the problem lol Will it get better or do I need to resign? Why does it seem like even the people who sell don’t have empathy for fellow sellers like they used to? How do they draw a line between seller and reseller if they literally are making offers to these resellers reaping the benefits of their work? We are all trying our best because we literally need money to survive. Why do these people act like we owe them so much of our time when they aren’t even going to make a purchase? That screen sure ups the audacity. Poshmark has strayed so far from where it started. But the utter lack of altruism. It feels like I’ve only encountered trolls since my return.

“Pick one of the weapons inside, and you'll be a warrior." Guardmaster Harian stood with his thick arms folded over the embroidered livery on his tabard. “Pick your feet up and put’em down, boy.” He was frowning at Broin Ven’Maerl, the candlemaker’s son. “I’ve no time for dawdling.”
“Yessir.”
Paidrag leaned out from his position last in line and watched Broin duck a halfhearted cuff from the Guardmaster and hurry through the armory door. A moment later, he called out to the Guardmaster, his voice muffled by the stone wall.
“Something’s holding this sword, sir. Won’t budge.”
Guardmaster Harian tilted his face to the ceiling and heaved a great sigh. “If you can not lift the blade, it is not for you. Choose another.”
Sullen silence followed, and a few minutes later, Broin emerged from the armory holding a polished steel Warhammer. Guardmaster Harian stopped him with an outstretched hand, examined the weapon, looked the boy over, grunted, and motioned for Broin to keep moving. “Report to the Proving Ground.”
Paidrag watched the other three boys in front of him all enter the armory one after another and emerge with their chosen weapons held awkwardly in hands lacking the callouses to wield them. They were grinning proudly. And why shouldn’t they? The Guardmaster went through the same ritual with these three as he had with Broin, inspecting their weapons and looking them over, his face impassive. He then waved them away. “Get you to the Proving Ground.”
There was one boy left in front of Paidrag—the shoemaker’s son. Harian called the lad forward, and Paidrag’s mind turned inward.
Which weapon would he choose when it was his turn? Not a bow; that was not the warrior way. Last year, his brother picked a fine-looking blade of folded steel honed on both sides to a razor edge with a leather-wrapped hilt and cross guard fashioned to resemble two claws. Paidrag had tried Jarrod’s blade, but it felt awkward and unwieldy in his hand; a sword was not the weapon for him. What then? He was a fair hand with a quarterstaff, more than fair; he’d won the games earlier this year in the weapons category. Youngest to ever take the top spot in Keep history.
“Come on, boy,” Guardmaster Harian’s deep growl broke into Paidrag’s thoughts. His great red beard bobbed as he spoke. “Haven’t got all night for you to stand there like a simpleton. Wife has supper waiting, and I need to get to it. Move.”
Paidrag felt his cheeks flush and heard snickers from the nobles and wealthy merchants gathered within the Keep’s armory to witness the once-a-year Quendling when each boy from the lower villages would choose his weapon and become a man, a warrior in training.
He swallowed and stepped forward, looking at the arrogant faces of men dressed in silks and satins worth more than he’d earn in a lifetime. But they didn’t matter. His heart pounded. Sweat beaded his brow. This was his moment.
He stepped through the door.
Inside, shelf after empty shelf covered the stone walls. Footprints made crazed patterns in the dust on the floor, and the only weapons in sight rested on an ornate emberwood rack traced in ivory and gold.
Seeing nothing else, he shuffled over to the rack and felt his eyes drawn past an exquisitely crafted sword with a jeweled handle, past a handsome spear carved to look like a red dragon, to a weapon the likes of which he’d never seen before. He reached out with a trembling hand and laid a finger on the long handle, polished until it gleamed warmly in the torchlight. It looked like a quarterstaff, carved with mighty griffons in silver and boasting leather to strengthen his grip. But this was no ordinary quarterstaff. A foot of fine steel glinted from one end, a blade slightly curved and engraved with fancy scrollwork. A blade that, when he touched it, left a hair-fine line of red weeping from his thumb.
Paidrag yelped and yanked his thumb away, lifting the cut to his lips, his brows rising at such a sharp edge. Then he grinned.
He lifted it from the rack with trembling hands and gave it a gentle spin, slow and careful at first but putting on speed as he went until it whirred in a blur through the air. He worked the bladed staff around the back and over his head, made a figure eight in front of him, grinning in surprise at how perfectly balanced it was, like no steel graced the end.
The staff whirled to a rest at his side, the blade pointed at the ceiling. An odd feeling came over him just then, warm and brotherly, a sense of acceptance. Almost as if the weapon itself approved of him. He shook it off and made his way out of the armory.
Guardmaster Harian’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets when he caught sight of the bladed staff resting on Paidrag’s shoulder. He recovered quickly.
“Hold there, lad,” the Guardmaster said, moving forward and extending a muscled arm to bar Paidrag’s way. “Auscheral chose you?”
Paidrag stopped. He glanced at his new staff. “You mean this?” he said, gesturing at the weapon.
“Aye.” Harian eyed the bladed staff with a mixture of reverence and surprise. “Weapons forged of magic have a mind of their own. They choose the hand to wield them. None have bonded in all the years I’ve been a guard here, nor in the days of my father and his father before him. That's why Broin couldn't lift the sword.”
Paidrag felt a stir of fear in his gut. Why was everyone so quiet? Why were they staring at him? He recognized the look staining their faces. Fear.
In Paidrag’s experience it wasn’t good to make men with title afraid.
“Fetch him to the Sage,” he heard someone say. And the next hour was a whirlwind of faces, questions and hands shoving him down winding corridors deep into the Keep and to a room lit by a single candlestick on a polished desk. Books filled the shelves built into the walls from the floor to the ceiling save where a stone hearth glowed red with sputtering embers. An old man sat there swaddled in deep purple robes with a ring of fine wispy white hair on the back of his head. His face was beyond ancient, spotted, deeply lined and paper thin, but his eyes reflected the candle’s fire and showed the vitality of the spirit within.
The Sage peered at him with those fathomless eyes. “Sit,” he said, and Paidrag found himself sitting in a rather uncomfortable wooden chair on his side of the desk but didn’t recall actually moving. He suppressed a yawn with the back of his hand. His eyes felt itchy.
“Yes,” the Sage said, taking Paidrag’s chin in skeletal fingers and looking into his eyes. “There is power here, a well vast and deep, but your future is uncertain.” His bushy white brows drew together. “Clouded. I cannot see the infinite lattice of your destiny. Yet, power churns around you like a sea in a storm.”
The Sage released his chin and sat back, regarding him with an unreadable expression. Paidrag didn’t like this conversation almost as much as he disliked the two hulking guards posted to either side of the chamber’s door.
The old man stirred from his thoughts. He drew out his pipe, stuffed the bowl with tabac, muttered a word Paidrag did not understand and it burst alight. “Such potential,” the Sage muttered in a voice soft as silk. “Could it be? After all these years…”
The Sage fell silent, puffing on his pipe and staring at Paidrag until the boy fidgeted in his seat. Then, the old man’s eyes refocused, sharp as dagger points. He leaned forward and spoke through the coiling smoke.
“Who are you?”
Paidrag opened his mouth to answer but the Sage cut him short.
“They fear you, fear what it means that a weapon chose you.” His eyes glittered with mischief. “They are right to fear.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGRTRt2NWZg
OK, so there's a long theory here that got deleted while I was on my phone while posting this, but I'll summarize briefly...
Kanako is The Key to Monsterkind's Salvation using Determination Extract, Because Determination is In The Ketsukane Household's Names that describe the 3 routes: "Devoted, Decisive, Determined", meaning that The Ketsukane Family is not too dissimilar from Humankind, what with their roots being based in Kitsune Folklore & Whatnot.
That aside, I think I know why...
When the Determination Extract was leveled enough to be put into Kanako at an extractable level capable of not harming a monster, Chujin had almost perfected the perfect serum to protect Monsterkind against Becoming Amalgamates when they have too much Determination in their body, the keyword being "Termination", whereas "De-termination" is the eradication of...something, depending on what, it eradicates it, "Terminating" it as if it were a terminator of sorts. I am not saying that all humans are terminators, rather that "Determination" itself is a terminator by it's own proxy of it's own usage in how it is actually used, the keywords being, "Determined", as in, willing to go the distance to accomplish your own goals, as a Player.
However, something struck me as odd when Kanako got hurt by the bubble impact by the Needle not having the air pushed out of it properly... When the air impact struck, it likely hurt Kanako the same way as if a bullet were to accidentally hurt Clover or Frisk, since Bubble Impacts CAN kill, if inserted into a normal, living being!
Such to the point where it can kill, if not handled correctly!!! There's a lewd "1000 Ways to Die" episode that explains how she died was because the woman in that episode was so horny, that a huge air bubble impacted her veins, & suffocated her using her own veins against her, ceasing bodily functions from not having enough oxygen to the brain.
Now, if Monster's Organs work anything like Monster Magic Do, it's probably because they are made out of Monster Magic, but that is a topic for another day at another time or so ago later on today probably. Right now, we need to analyze Kanako's Critical Condition of Being An Amalgamate.
The fan-animation explains that Kanako did not Melt strangely enough, & I explained why: Because Ketsukanes, much like Humans, are Determined. Determined, being a reference to UT Vanilla's "Determination", which also likely means that Kanako's Experiment Ceroba knew next to nothing about when researching Chujin's Analysis on his Experiments, likely means That Chujin Almost Found A Cure to Stop Monsterkind from Becoming Amalgamates with too much Determination! And I think I know what happened next...
Deltarune, happened, or some sort of AU of Undertale where Monsters DO IN FACT BLEED, From Being Lightners. Lightners, being, The Gods of The Darkners as well, since all Darkners are objects that exist somewhere in Deltarune. "Why am I bringing this up?", you may think I am asking myself. To answer that, we first have to Analyze What Happens to Monsterkind once the cure serum is created...
MONSTERS. BLEED. Yes, you heard me right! With enough of a minimal amount of Determination, Monsters CAN IN FACT BLEED, which would explain why Sans bleeds in Undertale as well, since Deltarune & Undertale are likely a Timeloop of events that keep unfolding & surrounding each other, if Deltarune isn't actually a type of AU Sequel to Undertale as well. The main point being that which, we as Monsterkind have an obligation to fulfill that All Monsterkind is Looked After While Being Experiments on. Meaning, The True Lab is actually a type of Hospital for Amalgamates. I can already hear many people typing as soon as they've read this far saying "But Talon! That isn't what happened! We see Monsters DIE in The True Lab!" Not really, since they are more than likely resting, since even Snowy's Mom, Snowdrake dies probably long after Undertale, as indicated by Deltarune. However, you can talk to her before beating The Pacifist Route in UT Vanilla by going back through The Underground & Talking to Her & Her Family about what's going to happen next for them right away as well!
Things are...going grimly for Snowdrake, so much that she will die if nothing is done: The context right there is the key, that "Determination... Can Kill too as well."
[Insert Genocide Determination Theory Here As Well] The point being, that when taken to the extreme, Determination CAN Kill. We also see that Clover's Level of Violence is one that is from rage, a Deadly Sin. However, it raises an interesting point in us as humans... Can we get too angry that we gain temporary Levels of Violence? Depends on how VIOLENT you are being in UT Yellow. By that I mean, COMPLETELY SLAUGHTER MONSTERKIND IN A GENOCIDE ROUTE. Otherwise known as... The Vengeance Route. Vengeance being an unlawful for violent revenge used as justification for fulfilling a sense of Justice that just "feels deserved" when done right in UT Yellow, since it feels so earned as well. In UT Red & Yellow, Clover first depletes our Hopes by Half, & then Justice Blasts us so hard, our game crashes, & our save file is erased from existence, except that Now, Clover wants us to try a Pacifist Route Instead, & calls us out when we do it again over them.
By this point, Clover is clearly trying to steer us on the right path of our own Determination using Justice, which also means that Clover only wants what's best for everyone as well, Justice for Monsterkind using Pacifism in the True Pacifist Route of Undertale R&Y or UT Vanilla as well.
Meaning that regardless of whether Clover knew about Ceroba & Kanako, one thing remains certain... With Enough Determination, Monsterkind can potentially become somewhat normal & also mortal in Deltarune, as we also see in several versions of Deltarune Yellow as well, which also means that since Kanako lives in that timeline from no Amalgamates existing, Amalgamates weren't created because The Experiments were a complete success!!! Which also means that in Deltarune, Chujin actually made the perfect Serum that Ceroba tested on Kanako to make sure if Chujin's work efforts were correct or not, regardless of if she disobeyed Chujin's Instructions to use Another Boss Monster Instead, or even just by being convinced by Kanako that IT WOULD WORK... Almost.
Kanako does not change forms as an Amalgamate, Alphys explains. She stayed the same, likely because Ketsukane's Are "Determined", meaning they have Determination! The Ketsukanes are The Key to Monsterkind's Salvation, once Kanako was discovered that she neither died nor changed forms, & remaines stable, because NOW we know that Kanako can provide a Clue as to How Much Less Determination that Monsterkind would have needed!!!
Looking again at Snowdrake, Snowdrake Monsters are actually quite large, so you'd think she'd have a lot of Determination injected into her, right? Well, you're right about that, but the key-wording is "how much", since we also know that Snowdrake, Snowy's Mom was also injected A LOT OF TIMES with A LOT...of DETERMINATION as well. Which also means that depending on the size of the mass, it must be proportional the size of the monster, just like in-real-life medicine would be applied to conduct experiments on people & animals as well, because we all know that science provides experiments with human test-subjects, which also explains Why Kanako Needed Less Determination than What She Was Given to Become More Like a Human & Be able to bleed, & also become more like a Deltarune Monster.
• • • TL:DR: Uh Oh, Spaghettios, Kanako had too much Blue Determination Lasagna for lunch, & now has a bad tummy ache from almost dying & choking on an air bubble by becoming an Amalgamate after almost dying...!
Yes, these are 4 sentences explaining what happened very shortly to Kanako in my theory, why do you ask? Thank you for reading. Hope you like my theory! ^w^

At the world’s top college of magic and technology, every day brings a new discovery -and a new disaster. The advanced experiments of the college students tend to be both ambitious and apocalyptic, with the end of the world only prevented by a mysterious time loop, and a small handful of students who retain their memories.
Surviving the loops was hard enough, but now, in his senior year, Vell Harlan must take charge of them, and deal with the fact that the whole world now knows his secrets. Everyone knows about Vell’s death and resurrection, along with the divine game he is a part of. Now Vell must contend with overly curious scientists and evil billionaires hungry for divine power while the daily doomsday cycle bombards him with terrorists, talking elephants, and the Grim Reaper himself -but if he can endure it all, the Last Goddess’s game promises the ultimate prize: power over life itself.
[Previous Chapter][Patreon][Cover Art]
“Should I be worried?”
Why would you be worried?” Kim said. “Dean Lichman loves us.”
Dean Lichman had asked the two of them to stop by his office, though his brief message had not said what for. That left Vell to concoct nightmare scenarios in his head.
“He doesn’t love all of us.”
“Alex doesn’t count as ‘us’,” Kim said. She was a looper in purely a technical sense, mostly due to her own refusal to be a team player. “Besides, she’s been behaving lately. She’s only been an asshole, not an active liability.”
“That we know of.”
“If we don’t know about it, Dean probably doesn’t either,” Kim said. “It’s fine, Vell, he probably just wants to ask us for advice or deal with some problem he has.”
“That’s not much better,” Vell said. “How weird would things have to be that the Dean is asking us for help personally?”
“Only one way to find out,” Kim said. She gestured to the door to the Dean’s office.
Kim entered first, and found it in much the same state as it always was. The desk piled high with paperwork, a small bowl of assorted candies shoved into the corner of the desk, and Dean Lichman behind it, frantically tapping away on a laptop. Vell had not been in this office for several years, and it was vastly different than the last time he’d been here.
“Ah, there you are, come in, have a seat,” Dean Lichman said. “Unless you’d rather we have our conversation elsewhere, Vell.”
“Why would I want that?”
“Well, it’s my understanding you haven’t been in this office since my, uh, predecessor,” Dean Lichman said.
“Oh, right, the kidnapping,” Vell said. “No, I’m good, I don’t really get traumatized by things anymore.”
Vell had been killed too many different ways in too many different places to have a functional trauma response. A few days ago he’d gotten his legs chewed off by a vending machine, and still stopped by it to pick up a soda on his way to the office.
“That’s a very concerning response, Mr. Harlan.”
“Yeah. Anyway, what did you need?”
Dean Lichman gestured for the duo to take a seat, and both did so. He folded desiccated hands in front of himself before beginning to speak.
“I would like to ask you two to take a look at an experiment that will be occurring later this week,” Dean Lichman said. “I don’t have any reason to believe it poses a threat, but I would like to be assured it is a safe and ethical environment, and, well, you two have a knack for identifying trouble spots.”
“You could say that,” Kim said. It was more accurate to say that trouble had a way of identifying them -and then leaping at them and ripping their heads off.
“I’d appreciate it if the two of you could simply examine the laboratory and give it your approval, or disapproval, as the case may be,” Dean Lichman said. “Though if you’re too busy, I fully understand.”
“If you don’t think this is dangerous, why are you asking for our help anyway?”
“Simply for my own peace of mind, frankly,” Dean Lichman said. “The school’s policies on animal experimentation are...satisfactory, I suppose, but I do want to take extra precautions when the subject is a creature as smart as an elephant.”
“An elephant?”
“Yes, a resident of a reserve in Thailand,” Dean Lichman said. “An older elephant by the name of Mae Noi. She has cancer, apparently, and she is submitting to experimental treatment in the hopes it will be useful for younger elephants.”
Kim’s digital face briefly flashed with a facial expression of concerned skepticism.
“‘She’ is submitting to treatment? As in the elephant?”
“Yes. Apparently the elephant can talk,” Dean Lichman said. “No, I don’t know how it works, they said it was ‘more impressive in person’.”
“Well now I kind of want to go just to see the talking elephant,” Vell said.
“Same.”
“Well, do try to take a few glances at the experiment’s safety while you’re there,” Dean Lichman said.
“Sounds like a plan,” Vell said. “Thanks for the heads up.”
“I’ll be there too,” Kim said.
“Excellent. Thank you both, and I’ll try not to take up too much of your time,” the Dean said. He then bid them both a polite goodbye and returned to his mountains of paperwork. Vell took a step out of the office and then took a sip from the soda he’d recently retrieved from the evil vending machine.
“So, what do you think?”
“I think I really do want to see the talking elephant,” Kim said.
“Obviously, yeah, we all want to see the talking elephant,” Vell said. “I mean the whole situation. You think the elephant thing is going to be the daily apocalypse for that day?”
“Well, on the one hand, an elephant seems like the kind of thing that would kill us,” Kim said. “But on the other, I feel like the fact we have advance warning means it’s not going to happen.”
“True. The universe probably wouldn’t make it that easy for us.”
“Yeah, but the elephant thing still feels pretty threatening,” Kim said. “Only way to find out is to wait a few days, I guess.”
A FEW DAYS LATER
“Hello you two,” Dean Lichman said. “And Hawke.”
“Hey,” Hawke said.
“He also wanted to see the talking elephant,” Kim explained.
“Well, that’s not a problem, it was an open invitation,” Dean Lichman said.
“Thanks. Still, sorry for not saying I was going to show up in advance,” Hawke said. “It took me a long time to make up my mind whether I was more interested in or afraid of a talking elephant.”
“They are rather large, aren’t they? I suppose that could be intimidating.”
“I’m okay with elephants on their own, it’s the talking part that doesn’t sit right with me,” Hawke said. “What if the elephant doesn’t like me? What if I’m the first person to ever get insulted by an elephant?”
“You’re less afraid of getting trampled by an elephant than insulted by one?”
“I’m a little afraid of trampling, but elephants are chill,” Hawke explained. “They wouldn’t attack unless provoked. I kind of feel like one might call me a dipshit unprovoked, though.”
“You have oddly specifics fears, Mr. Hughes,” Dean Lichman said.
“Yeah.”
In spite of those fears, Hawke happily stepped through the door to the zoology lab. It did not take a long time to locate the elephant in the room, as it was a literal elephant. The towering pachyderm was in a makeshift pen in the center of the lab, with an ample supply of food and a strange pedestal in front of her.
“Dr. Chanthara,” Dean Lichman said, with a polite wave to one of the researchers in the room. “Good to see you. These are the students I told you about.”
“Hm. Nice to meet you,” Dr. Chanthara said. He was, perhaps not unreasonably, skeptical of why three seemingly random students were in charge of a safety inspection. The fact that one of the three was a robot made him even more skeptical.
“Hi, nice to meet you too, and, uh, don’t mind us,” Vell said. “We just have an eye for weird things other people might miss.”
“Sure. I- wait. Aren’t you that kid who got chosen by a god?”
“Yeah, that’s me,” Vell said. “And her too, technically.”
Kim shrugged. She didn’t care for any extra attention on that point.
“Right,” Chanthara said. He was beginning to see why these students might know their stuff. “I suppose we should start by introducing you to Mae Noi. Say hello, Mae.”
The elephant shifted on her feet and poked her trunk at the wide pedestal in front of her twice.
“Hello. Friends,” a synthesized voice droned. Vell stepped a little closer to the pedestal, just enough to see that there were an array of buttons on the side facing Mae Noi.
“Oh, it’s kind of like a keyboard,” Vell said. He’d seen similar things used with dogs, though usually in a much simpler fashion. Mae Noi seemed to have a few dozen buttons at her disposal.
“Smart,” Mae Noi said, with another prod of her trunk.
“We initially put it into our sanctuary as a bit of a novelty, something elephants could choose to interact with,” Dr. Chanthara explained. “Mae Noi took to it a bit better than most. Especially once she found out she could use it to ask for food.”
“Food. Pumpkin. Pumpkin. Pumpkin.”
“No, Mae, no food until after experiment,” Dr. Chanthara scolded.
“Experiment,” Mae Niko said with a prod. “Pumpkin.”
“Yes, experiment then pumpkin,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“That’s not really a talking elephant, is it?” Hawke said.
“It’s more talking than most elephants,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“Elephant. Smart,” Mae Niko said. “Smart.”
“Yes, uh, right, elephant smart,” Hawke said. He took a step back, to avoid any further offense and any further risk of being insulted by Mae Noi.
“You’re very impressive, Mae, don’t mind him,” Kim said. “How many words does she know?”
“Our platform back home has around three hundred words, though she’s still learning some of them,” Dr. Chanthara said. “The ‘travel’ version we put together only has a hundred, just enough to make sure she can get her basic needs met and communicate about the experiment.”
“Right, speaking of, I do believe we should put some time into our reason for being here,” Dean Lichman interjected. “You’re welcome to stick around afterwards, at Dr. Chanthara and Mae Noi’s discretion, of course, but we should get underway.”
“We probably should get to business, yeah,” Kim said. She tapped the side of her metal head. “I’m going to scan the lab. Vell, you talk to the elephant and make sure everything’s above-board.”
“Abov- oh, right,” Vell said. “Sorry, not exactly used to being able to ask animals if they agree to animal experimentation.”
“Experiment,” Mae said.
“Yeah, experiment,” Vell said, as he turned to Mae. “So, Mae Noi, this experiment might hurt, do you know that?”
“Experiment. Hurt. Elephant,” Mae Noi prodded. “Experiment. Help. Elephant. Help. Baby.”
“Help baby?”
“Baby. Baby. Elephant. Sick. Baby. Sick.”
“We’ve explained the nature of her condition to Mae Noi as best we can,” Dr. Chanthara said. “She has several children, and is concerned they might be similarly affected.”
“Help. Baby,” Mae Noi said. “Experiment. Help.”
The way Mae Noi frantically tapped the buttons tugged at Vell’s heartstrings, but he choked those emotions down.
“So you want to do this experiment to help baby, got it,” Vell said. “Even if it hurts you?”
“Elephant. Old,” Mae Noi said. “Hurt. Okay. Help. Baby.”
“Huh. Well, that does sound like informed consent to me,” Vell said. “Passes ethical muster, at least.”
The campus rules allowed students to be experimented on, with their consent, so Vell saw no reason not to apply the same standard to an elephant.
“You speak up if you change your mind about the experiment, okay?”
“Stop. Stop. Stop,” Mae said, mashing the same button a few times. “Yes.”
“You got it. I’m going to go help my friends check things out,” Vell said. “Good talking to you, Mae.”
“Good. Talk. Friend,” Mae said. She waved goodbye with her trunk, and Vell waved back. He wandered away from Mae Noi’s pedestal and found Kim and Hawke carefully examining rows of beakers and various other supplies.
“Nothing sus yet, boss,” Hawke said.
“Nothing caustic, mutagenic, or explosive?”
“Well, something mutagenic, but it’s supposed to be,” Kim said. She had scanners built into her body much like those that had once been in Vell’s glasses, allowing her to analyze the complex chemical formulas at a glance. “They’re going for some gene editing similar to what we’ve tried to do on human cancer patients. Low success rate, but not harmful. Some adaptations to work on elephants, of course.”
“Run it by any of our chemistry and biology student friends yet?”
“A few,” Kim said. “Haven’t gotten anything back yet, though.”
“Maybe run it by Skye, too,” Vell said. “She’d recognize anything that’d mutate an animal.”
“She does love to mutate things,” Kim said.
“Benevolently,” Vell insisted. “Just show her. I’m going to check for any stray equipment.”
The presence of an unusually large test subject had resulted in the lab being rearranged and reshuffled, so Vell did a quick scan for any misplaced equipment that might pose a threat. He found, to his surprise, a tidy and well-organized environment, with any and all extraneous materials securely locked away. There wasn’t so much as a shrink ray out of place. Vell did another loop just to be sure, but returned to his friends empty-handed.
“This place has less safety hazards than my lab,” Vell said. Hawke stared at him for a while.
“Why does your lab have safety hazards?’
“I do runecarving, there’s like, hammers and chisels,” Vell said. “Those can hurt people.”
“Mm, true,” Hawke said. “So you really didn’t find anything?”
“Nothing,” Vell said. “This place is secure as I’ve ever seen a lab be.”
“It’s like I said,” Kim began. “We got an actual warning about it, so obviously nothing’s going to go wrong. That’d be too easy.”
“Maybe,” Vell said. “Things can get teleported in, or someone could cast a spell, or something.”
“Yeah, but that applies to anywhere, at any time,” Kim said.
“Kim’s right,” Hawke said. “I say we go business as usual.”
“I guess,” Vell said. “We have to branch out a little, at least. Can’t keep an eye on one room all day.”
The trio stopped sulking around the outskirts of the lab and returned to Dean Lichman and Dr. Chanthara.
“Everything looks good,” Kim said. “Probably the safest lab I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ll choose to take that as a compliment,” Dr. Chanthara said.
“We have very high safety standards here at the Einstein-Odinson,” Dean Lichman said, defensively. “Relatively speaking. Innovation requires some risk.”
“I understand perfectly. So does Mae.”
“Hurt. Okay,” Mae said.
“Not that okay,” Vell said. “Nice meeting you, Dr. Chanthara. You too, Mae.”
“Wait.”
Mae prodded one of the buttons on her pedestal and then pointed her trunk at the three of them. Hawke looked deeply concerned, but stepped forward alongside Vell and Kim. Mae Noi appraised them with massive brown eyes, and then moved her trunk back towards the pedestal. Vell noticed a distinctive scar on the bridge of her long nose just as Mae Noi pressed another button.
“Joke.”
“...Joke?”
Dr. Chanthara sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Just go along with it,” he said. “She likes to tell her joke.”
“Uh, okay,” Vell said. “Let’s hear it.”
“What. Elephant. Favorite. Part. Tree.”
“Umm...I don’t know, Mae,” Vell lied. He’d heard this joke from a kid, once. “What part?”
“Trunk,” Mae said. She gave a loud bray of amusement and then slammed her trunk down a few more times to emphasize the punchline. “Trunk. Trunk.”
“Oh, ha, I get it,” Kim said, hoping her feigned laugh was convincing. She’d never tried to lie to an elephant before. “Good one, Mae.”
Mae Noi shifted from side to side, looking pleased with herself, while the trio took a step back and stopped their feigned laughter.
“Did you give her buttons just to tell that joke with?”
“She gets upset,” Dr. Chanthara said. “I’m not even sure she understands the pun, she just likes people’s reactions.”
“As long as she’s having fun,” Hawke said.
“We’ll get out of your hair now,” Vell said. “Good luck with the experiment, feel free to let us know if you need a hand with anything.”
“I’ll keep it in mind,” Dr. Chanthara said. Some of his earlier skepticism seemed to have softened, but he did not seem entirely onboard with three strangers mucking about with his experiment. Vell and his friends left before they stretched what little goodwill they had any further. Mae Noi waved her trunk goodbye as the three left the lab and stepped back onto the quad.
“I’m going to try and sneak some classes in,” Hawke said. “Later.”
“I’ll check some of our usual hot spots,” Kim said, before she too left. Once again alone, Vell headed to one of his own classes, and called up Samson.
“Hey, Samson,” Vell began. “See anything interesting while we were playing with the elephant?”
“Well, I thought I clocked someone acting suspicious, but it turns out he was only sneaking around to go see his boyfriend,” Samson said. “Nothing apocalyptic, but I did get called a homophobe, which is pretty emotionally devastating.”
“I’m sure you’ll recover someday,” Vell said. “Keep an eye out. Usually the safer things look, the more dangerous things end up being.”
“Will do,” Samson said, before saying goodbye and hanging up.
***
Vell got increasingly nervous the longer the day went without its daily disaster. He thought about checking in on Mae Noi again, but then recalled Kim’s warning about it being too obvious, but then remembered that nobody had seen anything suspicious anywhere else, but then remember that Mae Noi’s lab had looked perfectly safe-
“Vell.”
“Huh?”
“You’re spiraling,” Kim said.
“I’m not spiraling, I’m just,” Vell said, with a pause for contemplation. “Considering multiple options.”
“In a spiral fashion,” Kim said. “Eat the damn french fries. Honestly, what’s the point of ordering so many if you’re just going to let them get cold?”
“It’s not like they’re going to go to waste,” Vell said. The same time loop that allowed him to eat massive amounts of french fries without fear of gaining weight also allowed him to avoid food waste. One of the upsides of life in a time loop.
“Just eat, Vell,” Kim said. “You worry too much about all this shit.”
“I’m in charge, it’s my job to worry about it,” Vell said.
“It’s your job to handle it,” Kim said. “There’s no point thinking about this shit before it happens, you spend all day thinking about an elephant and then the universe drops, like, a bat with tentacles on your head. Just deal with as it comes, Vell.”
Vell leaned on the table and managed to chomp down on a french fry or two.
“You know, next year, when I’m not running the show anymore, I’m going to call and see if you still think it’s that easy.”
“I sure hope so,” Kim said. “I’m saying all this shit trying to make myself believe it too.”
“Oh good, you’re lying to both of us,” Vell said. “That’s cool.”
“Fake it ‘til you make it, Vell, that’s how it goes,” Kim said. “Eat your damn french fries.”
Vell rolled his eyes and returned to his fries, which were now starting to cool. Thankfully he would not have to worry about finishing them. A loud crash from across campus interrupted him mid-bite and nearly made Vell choke on his fries. He painfully swallowed the half-chewed food and then looked over his shoulder.
“Son of a bitch, finally,” Vell said. A few years ago he’d found it weird whenever he was relieved about a disaster, but now he was just genuinely glad to get it over with. The waiting was as killer as the apocalypse. He tossed his fries in the trash and headed toward the sound of chaos, with Kim right behind him.
“Already told everybody?”
“Well, I may or may not have left Alex and Helena out of the loop…”
“Kim.”
“They’d find out anyway,” Kim said. “I got to use my brain parts to get in touch with them, even over wi-fi that shit feels dirty.”
“Just get in- stop.”
Vell held out his hand. Kim froze in place and did not move. Not intentionally, at least. There was a small amount of unintentional movement. The ground was vibrating.
“Always love a good earthquake,” Kim said.
“That’s not a quake,” Vell said. “That’s...footsteps!”
Vell grabbed Kim and dove out of the way just in time for something to barrel through the walls of the dining hall and stampede across the room. Tables, chairs, and more than a few students were crushed under the feet of a hulking, brown-furred behemoth as it charged. Kim picked herself and Vell up off the floor and tried to trail its progress.
“That’s a- oh fuck me,” Kim said. “Please don’t say you told me so.”
Vell got his bearings and looked across the room at the titanic form of a woolly mammoth. Though it was definitely recognizable as an archaic mammoth, the ancient creature was also heavily mutated, unnaturally large even by mammoth standards, and with multiple curled, jagged tusks protruding from a slobbering maw.
“Well that could be unrelated,” Vell said. “Mammoths can come from a lot of places, cloning accidents, time machines…”
The mammoth reached a wall, and rather than barreling through, turned around, facing directly towards Vell. A prominent scar covered the bridge of its broad trunk.
“Oh, nope, that’s definitely Mae,” Vell said. The scar was in the same place and at the same angle. Even a clone wouldn’t have an identical scar.
Once the revelation had struck, Mae took her turn. Vell found himself staring straight down the barrel of a very angry mammoth coming right at him at Vell-squishing velocity. Luckily he’d been charged at by a lot of creatures over four years of looping.
Vell jumped up and to the side, and latched on to one of the curled tusks, which made for very convenient handlebars. Kim did the same on the opposite side of Mae, and punched her in the head.
“Wait, wait, hold off on the violence for a second,” Vell shouted. He tried to wave at Kim to stop, but Mae was thrashing so violently he had to grip the tusks with both hands.
“Good plan,” Kim shouted. “Can you get Mae on board?”
Another set of tables got crushed underfoot. Thankfully the other students were out of trampling range by now, but Mae Noi’s feet were still coated in the blood of earlier victims.
“Mae’s smart, maybe we can calm her down,” Vell said. He then ducked to dodge a swat from Mae’s mutated trunk.
“Call me crazy, Vell, but I think this is more than just a bad mood,” Kim said, as she climbed up Mae’s seven jagged tusks like a ladder.
“We have to try,” Vell said. The loopers rule against hurting other intelligent life forms had some flexibility for blood-crazed mutants on violent rampages, but they had to at least try to reason first. Vell climbed up on of Mae’s tusks and looked into one of her bloodshot eyes for any sign of recognition. “Mae! It’s Vell, do you remember?”
The only response Vell got was an enraged trumpet, which he didn’t think was a “yes”.
“Come on, bud,” Vell said. “What’s an elephant’s favorite part of a tree, right? The trunk?”
The massive brown eye staring at Vell blinked, and he felt a brief glimmer of hope. He then felt a brief glimmer of his lungs being crushed as Mae swung her head and slammed her tusks into the wall, and Vell along with them. Kim punched Mae in the throat and then jumped across the tusks to grab Vell and carry him to safety.
“You okay, Vell?”
He opened his mouth to respond, and a pint or two of blood came out instead.
“Apparently not,” he mumbled. “I might be down a few ribs. And a lung. Or two.”
Kim carried Vell a safe distance from the fight and set him down on the ground, where he promptly spat out another mouthful of blood.
“Okay, uh, you just lie there and try to die peacefully, I guess,” Kim said.
“Way ahead of you.”
***
“Was that last bit as funny as I thought it was?” Vell asked. “I think the blood loss was affecting my sense of humor.”
“It was kind of hard to appreciate in the moment,” Kim said. “But as far as dying jokes go, it was pretty good.”
Vell and Kim walked into the lair for their morning meeting and joined the loopers that had already gathered.
“Okay, what’d I miss while I was dead?”
“Well, after Alex was done getting herself killed,” Samson began.
“You’re saying that as if it’s something to be ashamed of,” Alex said. “Vell also died.”
“Yeah, but he got killed trying to do something good. You got killed trying to do something stupid.”
“Trying to eliminate a threat is not stupid,” Alex said.
“We don’t kill intelligent creatures,” Hawke said. “Sometimes we punch them into a coma, but we don’t kill them.”
“When a dog bites, you put it down, I don’t see why the same principle doesn’t apply to a mammoth that’s crushed seventy people.”
“That wasn’t Mae’s fault,” Vell said. “She got mutated, or something. On that note: did you guys figure out what happened to Mae Noi?”
“Nothing,” Hawke said. “Looked like Mae smashed up the entire lab, trampled everyone involved in the experiment too. Nothing left to investigate, and nobody left alive to interrogate.”
“Typical,” Vell sighed. “At least we have an easy out. Dean Lichman was really concerned about the ethics of that whole experiment. We raise some kind of complaint, we could probably get the whole thing shut down.”
“The problem is getting the complaint,” Hawke said. “That lab was airtight, Vell.”
“Apparently not completely airtight,” Kim said. “I can camp out in the lab and raise an entirely justifiable stink whenever something capable of making a murder-mammoth shows up.”
“And what if it happens so suddenly you can’t complain about it?” Samson asked. “For all we know that could’ve been some kind of dimensional rift, or time anomaly, or something. It might not be as simple as somebody just putting in the wrong syringe at the wrong time.”
“He’s got a point,” Vell said. “We might want to shut this down before it gets there.”
“Seems like our best option is to plant evidence, then,” Alex said.
Everyone else at the table spent a few seconds brainstorming ways to prove her wrong, and much to their frustration, could not.
“Okay, fine,” Vell said. “But it needs to be something incidental, not something anyone would get blamed for. We want to cancel the experiment, not get anyone in trouble.”
“I could have a seizure on some sensitive equipment,” Helena offered. “It’ll break something and nobody would dare get mad at me.”
“Can you fake a seizure?”
“No, but I’m allergic to elephants, so I’d probably have one anyway the moment I stepped in the lab,” Helena said.
“I don’t feel entirely comfortable sending you into anaphylactic shock for a bit,” Vell said.
“Offer’s on the table,” Helena said. “I’ll live. Wouldn’t have made it through that trip to the zoo otherwise.”
“Anybody have any non-medical emergency suggestions?”
“Seagull in the air vents,” Kim said.
“Will that work?”
“It happens now and then,” Kim said. “Seagull gets in, and Dean has to close down the whole lab for potential material damage and biohazard risks if they shit in the vents.”
“Really? We’ve never had to deal with anything like that,” Hawke said.
“It may shock you to learn that sometimes minor, tedious bullshit happens that we have nothing to do with,” Kim said.
“That is kind of surprising, actually.”
“Enough. Kim, can you grab a seagull?” Vell asked. He shouldered his bookbag, and stuck a hand into the extradimensional pocket that existed within it. “I can probably smuggle it in with my bag.”
“Yeah, I can get you a seagull,” Kim said. Since she did not need to sleep, she had to find ways to keep herself entertained at night, seagull-grabbing being among them.
“Alright, we’ll go grab one and put it in the bag,” Vell said. “The rest of you, be ready to meet us when I call.”
***
Roughly three minutes later, Vell put out the call and they reconvened in front of the biology lab.
“Yeah, that was much faster than I thought it would be,” Vell said.
“I’m great at grabbin’ birds,” Kim said. Seagulls were among the easier birds to snatch, even. They were suckers for food, and many of them were attracted to her shiny metallic body anyway.
“Let’s just get this over with,” Vell said. “I want this thing out of my bag ASAP.”
Even though the seagull was safely within a pocket dimension, Vell would swear he could still feel the bird thrashing and squawking inside his bag. He tightened his grip on the shoulder strap and led the way towards the zoology lab entrance. He grabbed the handle and held it as he froze for a second.
“Vell, what’s up? Is this bird escaping?”
“No, the handle’s vibrating,” Vell said. It was shaking the same way a wall near an incredibly loud speaker might. He pressed his ear to the door and listened closely. He opened the door immediately, and let all his friends hear the frantic trumpeting of a panicked elephant.
Inside the lab, Mae Noi was stomping her feet and trumpeting as loud as he long trunk would allow. She swayed from side to side in her pen, bumping against the walls not quite hard enough to damage them, but hard enough that it was clear she was doing it on purpose.
“What the heck is happening here?”
“Ah, Vell,” Dean Lichman said. He hustled over to Vell’s side and gestured to the entire room. “Maybe you can figure out what’s going on.”
Mae Noi stopped braying long enough to start mashing her trunk against her pedestal, mashing out the word “Bad” over and over again.
“Our test subject, Mae Noi, has been throwing an absolute fit ever since she got here,” Dean Lichman said. “Dr. Chanthara, these are the students I was telling you about earlier.”
While Vell reintroduced himself to Dr. Chanthara, Kim and Hawke stepped up to examine Mae Noi and her enclosure. It was a far cry from the peaceful, orderly scene they had examined on the first loop. They were half an hour earlier this time than before, but Kim found it unlikely that they had been able to calm Mae Noi down, clean everything up, and get back to work in such a short amount of time. They hadn’t mentioned any of this panic on the first loop either. They were soon joined in their confusion by Chanthara and Vell.
“We’ve tried everything; food, water, her favorite toys, even videos of her children,” Dr. Chanthara said. “We’ve even offered to call off the experiment, but she won’t listen.”
“She is an animal,” Alex said. “Sometimes they do things arbitrarily.”
“Not Mae,” Dr. Chanthara said. “Some of our sanctuaries residents from traumatic backgrounds can have outbursts, but Mae was injured in the wild. She’s never been like this.”
“Maybe some experiment on the island is upsetting her,” Vell said. “A sonic experiment only she can hear, or something…”
Vell stopped and thought about it. If there had been such an irritant, it would’ve been there on the first loop too. Everything always repeated exactly the same, except for-
“Could you, uh, take a step back for a second?” Vell mumbled. “I want to try talking to her.”
“Don’t get close,” Chanthara warned him.
“I’m not, I’m not,” Vell said. He didn’t need to get very close to tell a joke.
The massive brown eyes of Mae Noi stayed locked on Vell as he approached, and she continued to mash the “Bad” button on her pedestal.
“I know, I know, bad,” Vell said. “But, uh, do you want to hear a joke?”
Mae Noi stopped. She locked eyes with Vell for a few seconds, and then cautiously tapped a button on her pedestal.
“Joke.”
“Right, joke,” Vell said. He tried to recall the exact sequence of words Mae had used on the first loop. “What elephant favorite part tree?”
Mae didn’t blink.
“Trunk,” Vell said.
After a moment of contemplation, Mae Noi let out one final, fervent, trumpet, and then started mashing buttons on her pedestal again.
“Bad. Help. Help. Experiment. Bad. Help. Bad. Help.”
“Yeah, bad help, one second,” Vell said. He turned away from Mae Noi to look at Dean Lichman. “Hey, uh, excuse me, Dean? Hey, uh, if I remember correctly there are some pretty complicated rules on having intelligent animals on campus, yes?”
“Well, yes,” Dean Lichman said. After hearing of some questionable ethical practices involving an octopus back in first year, he had instituted a few clauses into the school’s ethical code of conduct regarding intelligent animals like elephants, octopuses, and dolphins. “Mae’s presence here is a bit of an outlier, but there were workaround, given her apparent consent to the experiment.”
“Yeah, about that, is she, uh,” Vell began. “Is she registered as a student?”
“Yes.”
Vell pursed his lips. It took a few seconds for his friends to catch on.
“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” Samson snapped. He turned his back on the crowd and leaned against a wall while Hawke put his head in his hands.
“The first rule of looping,” Alex said quietly. “Loopers are randomly selected-”
She looked up and locked eyes with Mae Noi.
“From all registered students.”

Last week I came home and smelled acetone. I googled it and it said it could be a refrigent leak. I unplugged our wine fridge and turned off all our a/c window units. I called the owner of the home who told me they were too busy and to call the property management company. I called their maintenance # and they told me they’d send someone out. I had a meeting a drive away so I left the back door unlocked and left. When I got home, it still reeked. I called maintenance back and told them if this is Freon then I can’t inhabit this and someone needs to come out asap. They said they’d mark it urgent. I asked if someone was coming that night and they said they’d mark it urgent and it would get handled in the order in which they receive requests. I asked again if it would be tonight and they said the same thing. We ended up calling 911 because we have an infant and wanted to be better safe than sorry. They couldn’t find anything and tested the air all over our house.
I’ve been waiting for maintenance to come because we never canceled the request and they never did. Today the property management texted me “does your apartment still have an odor”
This is super unacceptable. There are so many what ifs that they should have at least advised us to call 911.
I’m calling tomorrow to chew them out but are there any legal things I can do. We’re in Memphis TN

Shared Kit 

Brittle Form Kit: 

Forged Form Kit: 

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

I’m a stay at home mom of two baby boys. Married 3 years & dated 6 months prior to marriage & got pregnant a couple of months before getting married.
I’m going to get shit for all my bad decision-making here.
I prayed (out loud) for a man that would meet all this criteria and one month later met my husband. He met all the criteria of my prayer so no matter what bad things happened, I thought God had this purposed for me. I mean like a checklist of 10-20 items all checked off. I was vedy devout in my faith. But, now looking back I feel like maybe it wasn’t God who answered my prayer. Maybe this was like a time in the book of Job where God let Satan attack Job and take everything away from him. I don’t know. Oddly enough, the man that became my husband said he prayed for this, too, one month prior.
He love-bombed me. He devalued me. Later, he threatened to leave me (but never has). While we were dating, when I was pregnant, when we were engaged. He called escorts behind my back. I find out he had sexual relations with a woman in his apartment complex one week before we started dating - he told me three years into our marriage. Before we dated, he also had a two year affair with a married woman (whose husband to this day has no idea about it.) He was meeting her and texting her behind my back 2 weeks into us being officially dating exclusively. I find out because he got arrested and I went to pick up his things on his person at the jail. I guess his passcode in one try and there I see the truth. He lied about this woman - he said she was a best friend with no I love yous and no sexual relations. He even asked me if it was okay to be friends with her and I asked him those two questions. He lied and the proof was right there. We were fairly new so I didn’t read too many texts. I spent one hour on his phone at most and handling a panic attack in between.
I read where he texted escorts, too, and read two other relationships he had while seeing this married woman. My mind was blown. I was done. I screenshoted some evidence for my personal keepsake. I texted the married woman because their I love you was so recent. I told her what happened and said to go get him out of jail because I was done. She blew up my phone with texts. She wanted to know who I was and she wanted to share all the creepy details about this man. She claimed they only had sex twice and it was rape - bullshit. She also said a lot of other things like she knew when he bought me a coffee and knew when he went to the city to meet his friends. She said he said that they could still have sex while he was seeing me. He denied it and said it was the other way around.
When he got out of jail, he contacted me and sent me a video. She texted me to show me he sent her a video, too. Same shirt, same scenery and all filmed back after back. He told her how much he cared about her but he was letting her go. He came to meet me because I took his dog to care after her while he was in jail. He talked me into giving him one more chance. I moved into his apartment to get away from a situation at home. I fell for him hard and believed I was in love. We texted and talked all the time and when we were able, we were together. I went on a trip for a week withoht him to California. I got back and the sheets were washed. He said he did that for me so I can come home to clean sheets. Later over the course of our relationship I noticed he never much stepped up to do the laundry. A lot of chores started falling on me. Before even being married he expected me to coean his whole apartment which seemed to have never been touched once with any cleaning.
We were fighting a lot and I saw some of his anger but I thought he was just frustrated with things he was dealing with in his life. He got sort of pushy with me having intercourse with him at times I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to wait. That made him angry. I find out that he had been FaceTiming escorts from the first weeks we started dating and found at least one call every month up to the week we were suppose to get married. I was shocked! I had no idea and I couldn’t believe it. We had intercourse so much that he wouldn’t need that so I thought. He said it was like porn to him and he had that habit from before he met me. Keep in mind, I’m religious so I was abstinent most of my life and these red flags weren’t so obvious to me. I thought most men were dogs like this. The biggest factor that blew my mind (of which he explained away) was that these escorts weren’t typical - they were transgender women and some still had their boy parts. After talking with someone who I thought was like a mom to me(I find oht later she wasn’t for me), I went through with the wedding, and besides, I was having his baby.
We moved states. I noticed a lot of verbal abuse starting from typically the night time as we shared a bed. He would cuss at me a lot and get so angry. It was almost every night. I was surprised - thinking who is this guy. He made me cry a lot. It was so stupid, I got screamed at just for rolling over in my sleep. He explained this away later after the problem got better. I began feeling like I made a mistake in marrying him. I was so scared at the same time because this was my first pregnancy. I feared so much about the “what ifs” and what world this baby was coming into.
The abuse got worse. It got physcial from time-to-time. He says I was abusive back but I feel like it was reactive abuse because it became too much for me. I would hit him back. It ate at my mind every day and I had all these hormones because I was going to have a baby soon. When pregnant, he has pushed me, held me down, jumped on me with his hands around my neck. He said things that were horrible like he would walk away from this son like he did his first son (he had a son from an earlier relationship which he had nothing to do with). Fear overcame me and some days I thought ending my life was the only way to escape my life and prevent a nightmare for my son. (These feelings relented later in time.)
One time he held up furniture above his head and he was ready to throw it at my head - I believe this was right after our son was born. We argued a lot because my mistrust in him because what I mentioned I discovered earlier. I wanted him to assure me he was trustworthy so sometimes I asked for his phone. Doing that resulted many times in violence and rage. When he had that furniture held up, I felt like he was going to end me right then and there. He stopped himself and I asked him why. He said because he saw the fear in my eyes.
We fought and made up A LOT. That was our relationship and me asking him where he has been or was he with someone. It was terrible for both of us. I discover later that he lied about a lot of things. I didn’t even know he didn’t have a drivers license until about 1-2 years into our marriage. I didn’t know the pictures of his boy parts I found once while dating were to the escorts. I asked him approximately a thousand times. He doesn’t just lie - he tells a story with details and the whole thing is a lie.
I use to check his phone and browser history because it was never ending place of discovery. I never got confessions out of him but I did get evidence that he thought he hid. He must have gotten better at hiding things because I would find less and less. I got to a point where I don’t check anymore - I know and it’s a damn headache to live like that. All the time he did these things, he swore his love for me. He said I was everything.
I discovered again a lie the first time he went to Miami last year (his first time away from me.) He took advantage and called at least ten eacorts and almost met up with one (or did. I don’t know. There’s no money spent but he lied and said the last escort called was his co-worker. I may never know what happened but his coworkers got weird around me after that trip. They won’t look me in the eye.) I didn’t know all this until December last year where I asked him for his T-Mobile password. He didn’t think I would find this when giving me the password.
I saw a text after that trip and found out he lied. He was awake at 2:00PM after he told me he went to bed on the phone. He told me how he missed me SOOO much. He said he tried putting his arm around me in bed to realize I was not there. We FOUGHT over the phone. He didn’t want me to see the rest of the texts between him and his coworker. He left bruises on my arms pushing and shoving me with all his strength. He overpowered me and I never saw the messages. He said he was hiding the fact ge did cocaine. I lost control because I pulled a knife out at him. Not to hurt him but to intimidate him. (I never lost it like this again -he ALWAYS uses this against me to say I’m the abusive one.)
December he admitted the elaborate cocaine story he gave me was a LIE. He said he did do cocaine but not how he told me. The real thing he was hiding was the escorts. At that time, I find out he kissed a coworker (maybe more but nobody will tell me anything.) Another girl told me he was always flirting with new hires. After I find this out from these girls, he put two holes in the walls and broke the doors at the apartment that was in my name. He also bought me $200 roses and a new marriage ring fo Christmas along with other nice gifts. He even goes to therapy to get better at his lying problem (which he only did for about 3 sessions.) He swore this was the last time I would EVER have this happen to me. He swore he loved me and our family. My second baby was born February after ALL of that.
November, my mom died and left me money. I find all that out after I put money on a house for us - Our first house. I made sure we were good. I made sure my baby had everything he could need. I didn’t even buy myself a new car (backstory I lost my good credit, my 2020 car and had one eviction in this marriage. I was almost $30,000 in debt after all of that. My husband made his bad credit good and how we got the house, too. He still has his car and no evictions on his name. We paid over $5,000 for his traffic tickets and court fees plus his debts.)
I could have left then but I was vulnerable because I was having another baby in two months.I feared all the time because I couldn’t get a job or keep one being pregnant and I worried about having one after because I wouldn’t make enough with him and me working would put us at a negative income. I tried building this website but I have yet to get sales. I knew I needed to get out but one last things I feared was breaking up my marriage. I thought he could get better for all his problems.
His anger reared its head again this past month. I found a book titled “Why did he do that.” My husband fits a lot of those examples of abusers. The book said the nice guy is the mask.
This time when he got angry, he said it was my fault he cheated on me. He said it’s a woman’s fault if a man cheats. He said that women need to keep a man happy. He said he had depression caused by me which he never mentioned before. He always said I made him happier than he ever has been in his life. I didn’t know about the cheating just like I didn’t know about the cause. He endlessly lied to me.
I went to his work and asked his boss about the girl he kissed. He is still lying. He said he told his boss what happened. His boss said they both said nothing when they came in for questioning. My husband got the word out and it turned into drama when those girls texted me.
My husband is two people. Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde. I just learned recently he has been reading my journals on my phone and texts between my sister. He read my reddit posts. He lied about this and kept it to himself. I feel like he may have planned trapping me in my marriage so I would have nothing. I feel like he is stalking me, too. I have 30K left locked up in a CD - he wants that when its available to pay off the credit cards in his name. We both spend on those cards for food and needs. I want to keep it as my nest just in case. He scares me sometimes. I feel like he may charm a judge when we fight for custody if I leave. I’m scared he will bring up the knife incident and the baker act (I was bakeracted last year when 5 months pregnant- he said he would cut me off financially and have me and our unborn baby fend for ourselves. I panicked and he was being a monster. I said he was hurting me and he said he didn’t care.) I told a cop I wanted to hurt myself but I wasn’t suicidal - I just feared my husband and wanted to get away from him. It was impulsive and I regretted saying it immediately. He was messing with my mind - he fake called the cops. Never dialed but acted out a conversation. I called right after.
I fear him. He is looking like a pscychopath to me or narcist - he pal ed his whole marriage and family around abuse and lies. He admitted to lying to keep me from leaving him on a few occassions. He would act like a little innocent and hurt boy. I could never see the abuser when he switched.
Would you be scared, too? Am I overthinking his lies and abuse? Do I need to get away now? I feel like no matter what I will never be free from him. My husband has once told me nobody will believe me. Everyone thinks I’m crazy - he said this right after convincing the cops that. (Time where he bent the truth to make it funny - the cops were sold.)

Micheal Afton MOVESET
Lightweight with 2 jumps
Gimmick
Not really a gimmick just wanted to mention this. Micheal will not be referencing enard at any point During the attacks. As michaels moveset is less about micheal specificity and is more meant to be a security guard composet moveset. Which is the same reason that he will use Ucn items. I know that's williams torment and stuff but it works better on michael.
Basic Attacks
Jab: Flash Light (Mike presses on a flashlight which causes it to flash)
Doesn’t do damage but can flinch
(Flashlights in the fnaf series)
Dash: Foxy Scare (Mike dawns a foxy mask and jumps forward)
Pretty strong Knockback but meh damage
(Michael Scaring his brother and Withered Foxy Jump Scare)
Side Tilt: Decomposing (Slowly Punches at an upward angle)
Does mid damage
(Final walking sprites when micheal fully decomposed)
Up tilt: Walking (Micheal does a basic uppercut)
Does Great Knockback but no damage
(Micheal Walkin down the street)
Down Tilt: Scary Slide (Micheal Wears a foxy mask and slides)
Basic Sliding down tilt. Does minor damage but can cause a stun
(Micheals bed scare)
Side Smash: Faz Coin (Faz Coins start to appear around michael as the move charges)
If you charge for the shortest amount of time you will get a random plushie where he throws the plushie where it acts as a basic gravity affected projectile. Does a lot of knockback and has a 20% chance to freeze but barely any damage. if you charge for a medium amount of time rockstar freddy will punch forward. Does medium knockback and damage. And if you charge the Longest amount of time you get a death coin which Michael will throw forwards. From there it flies into a straight line until it hits a wall or a foe where it will disappear. It does no knockback but tons of damage And if the foes damage was over 80% damage when hit by the death coin, it’s an instant kill.
(Ucn coin purchases)
Up Smash: Wiring Malfunction (Micheal holds a wire that emits flame)
Does decent knockback and has a chance to stun or burn
(fnaf 3 fire)
Down Smash: Music Box (Micheal Spins the handle of a music box)
Does Great Knockback but no damage
(Music Box general use)
Aerials
Neutral Air: Music Box (Micheal Spins the handle of a music box)
Does Great Knockback but no damage
(Music Box general use)
F Air: Death Coin (Micheal Throws a death coin)
It flies into a straight line until it hits a wall or a foe where it will disappear. It does no knockback but tons of damage And if the foes damage was over 80% damage when hit by the death coin, it’s an instant kill.
(Death Coin)
B Air: Plushies (Throws Random plushie behind hims)
A basic gravity affected projectile. Does a lot of knockback and has a 20% chance to freeze but barely any damage.
(Plushies in ucn)
Up Air: Wiring Malfunction (Micheal holds a wire that emits flame)
Does decent knockback and has a chance to stun or burn
(fnaf 3 fire)
Down Air: Panic (Micheal shakes the feet below him)
Hits great damage and knockback
(the panic animation shared between afton and CC)
Grabs
Grab: Flashes opponent with camera stunning them.
(Camera security breach)
Pummel: Uses a fazer blaster
F Throw: A hoard of people crowd surf the opponent
(the events before the bite of 83)
B Throw: A hoard of people crowd surf the opponent
(the events before the bite of 83)
Up Throw: A pedestal with a button appears under the foe that micheal presses shocking the opponent
(sister location controlled shock)
Down Throw: A Fredbear suit appears which micheal puts the opponent into the suits mouth before it crushes them
(Bite of 83)
Specials
Neutral Special: Doors
A Door appears in front of michael. Acts like Steve's blocks with bigger hitboxes and major restrictions. First only can be placed on the ground. Second, only 2 doors can be on screen at a time. But in exchange for those hindrances there are some benefits. First the doors will not disappear unless you make them by pressing the b button near a door or if you lose a stocks your doors still disappear. And second micheal is unaffected by the doors hitbox. Meaning he can walk through them or even attack between them. Speaking of which if you use the jab next to a door the flashlight will now instead freeze opponents. And all projectiles including michaels will disappear after touching a door. So overall its a great way to control the outcome of a match in the right hands but if used incorrectly could give your opponents a major leg up.
Side Special: Audio Lure
Micheal will pull up his computer and use an audio lure. From an icon appears that you can move. Press B at your desired location and a sound will play. From there there’s a 50% chance the opponent will move to the location. Note they will stop at ledges and avoid on stage hazards like lava so you can’t move the foe to their death. But it is still a powerful ability. And you can use side b while charging a smash attack or while doing another special.
Up Special: Dee Dee
Dee Dee picks micheal up and flies with their propeller hat before dropping him. Acts exactly like king k rools up b with a key difference. If michael lands on the stage after using up special one out of six random animatronics will appear each lasting 25 seconds. Shadow Bonnie who will fly around the stage trying to get to someone and teleport the person touches to a random part off the stage before disappearing. Micheal can be that person but it cannot go through Michael's doors. plushtrap acts like a slower moving, bigger claptrap who can’t jump and freezes with light attacks also can’t go through doors. Lolbit and the minireenas who serve the same function of blocking the screen. Nightmare chica who acts like a slower Roden who instead of summoning hands just punches you straight up. And bonnet who acts like plushtrap who can jump. The move can only be used twice within 25 seconds as only 2 animatronics can appear at a time. The second time you use the move xor will appear instead fulfilling the same role. Also no minireenas and lolbit can’t appear at the same time
Down Special: Cameras
Mike will pull up his monitor and check his cameras. The screen will then freeze. As little text boxes appear above the screen basically explaining important info like the matchup of the foe compared to michael, Their weight, counters to there specials, recommended strategies, etc. you can exit it by pressing the b button again where you can’t use the move for 20 seconds. Which is the wise move since just like in fnaf the text will only be on screen for 3 seconds before static appears and disappears with michael being stunned and unable to use the move for 40 seconds. So just like in fnaf you need to scan the scene and focus on what's important and plan your next action accordingly.
Final Smash: Connection Terminated
The move starts with micheal charging up a punch. But before he can punch the opponent the screen cuts to black as an altered version of henry's speech plays before cutting back to the match where michael is mysteriously gone as the screen slowly shrinks with fire on the border. Additionally the entire stage is on fire making the ground no longer safe. The torment ends after 15 seconds where it cuts to an animatic of the fnaf 6 pizzaplex in ruin. When it cuts back to the stage michael has mysteriously come back
Cosmetics
Costumes
Security guard outfit
Purple skin (Ennard and purple guy reference)
Gray skin and shirt (Souls reference)
Blue Shirt (Phone Guy)
Striped shirt (Crying Child)
Pink (Pink Slip)
Orange Hair and pink shirt (Elezabith
Orange Skin with a top hat and blue shirt (Glamrock Freddy)
Stage Entrance: Walks out of his house the same way he does in the fnaf 5 cutscenes
Taunts
Puts On Foxy Mask
Eats pizza
Puts on freddy mask (invincible while in the taunt)
Victory Animations
A Pink slip appears on screen
Fire appears on screen (always happens when winning with final smash)
A Black screen appears Before 6 Am appears on screen (always happens when winning timed match)

You know... had to find a place and there is a subreddit for everything. Glad I found this place. I'm just going to write because I want to beat the living shit out of this man every time I see him and I need to calm my ass down. My left leg is itching to land a roundhouse on this man.
A few months ago, I was talking about cars with a neighbor who lived across the street from me. We usually have talks about his car, my car, and my bike, and we talk about old-school cars. Just one dude having a fun conversation with another.
I had left my garage open, and my dogs. I have 2 of them. One I rescued from a family who couldn't keep it. The other landed on my lap and I've been taking care of it and is now considered my own.
Well, these 2 got out, and started roaming around about 70 ft from my property. Started sniffing around and found the scent of another dog and was curious. I didn't notice this at first of course.
They end up in this man's front yard. Who knows maybe they marked their territory a little drizzle here and there on their grass. Anyway, this man comes out and starts yelling "Get your dog off my yard". I didn't hear him at first or could make out what he was saying, and I realized my dogs had gotten out. I call my dogs, and they are well-trained, they both respond quickly and come running back.
I was a bit offended damn man. They meant no harm. Don't have to yell and shit you know. They are smelling another dog. They are interested in finding out more about this other animal that took a shit and piss in your yard. That's what dogs do. Anyway, I yelled back sorry! I meant it, I was sincere about it. I even started walking over there to show concern of course. He does not respond to me other than saying loudly, "Leash your dog". At that point, I'm over it, my buddy and I crack some jokes about the dude to laugh it off.
Like wtf got up this guy ass at 9 pm? Do you stare out the window all night looking for dogs that may end up in your front yard? We have a good laugh and we talk some more car, my dogs are cool with my buddy. Animals know instinctively who is friendly and who isn't. Oddly that's what I've noticed.
The next morning, after I have taken my kids to school. This jackass walks up to me in his version of workout clothes. I have never seen him ever since I've been taking my kids to school every morning but today was a special day. He has his airpods on, sneakers, and running shorts. Then he comes up to me and talks some mad shit. He's obviously spent the entire night thinking about how he's going to put me in my place or some shit. I just tell the guy to walk away. He says to me "What are you going to do about it?" Say what? What is this? Do what, I asked you to get out of my face right?
Jesus man... this dude, is pushing like the mid-50s to early 60's. I'm younger obviously, I'm thinking you trying to go toe to toe? I tell him to walk away. He tells me his wife is Korean and I'm Korean so he's trying to make some level of connection here, implying he knows something about my culture and he is disappointed as he should know there is some level of cultural impact I should have being a Korean and the way I have responded to him is not to his liking. Thus, I must show some level of respect or bend a knee or some weird shit, as if he understood Koreans to be something different than I am. Entitled as fuck this guy. He wants to feel superior and wants to be bowed down to. A total sense of entitlement right? Superiority complex of some kind. Fuck he annoys the fuck out of me. I keep calm and tell him to get the fuck out of my face but nicer. "Just leave man, no need for you to be in front of me, just gotta go move along," is what I told him.
No offense but I'm looking at this white dude here, and look I can say it because my uncle is white, married my aunt and we had a great relationship. No disrespect but who the fuck is this dude to start bringing up Korean this Korean that, we're in the US man. He acts disrespectful to me and gives me the middle finger as he walks away after me telling the guy on at least four other occasions to get going and stay out and away from my personal space. I'm like whatever, I'm over it. He means nothing really. He means less to me than let's say, a piece of rubber or something. I could care less.
Then he went ahead and told the HOA that my dogs had taken multiple shits in his yard, and I have never bothered to pick up after them. I make sure to pick up shit especially if it's on someone else's yard right. Of course, I respond back to HOA, and tell them, they got bigger things to worry about and they really have bigger shit to worry about than some bs complaint.
I'm sure that got that little ball sack of low-life fucking pissed right. I mean I got 2 tiny dogs. Each weighs less than 10lbs. One is around 6 lbs other is around 7.5 lbs. They are not fucking pit bulls here. Apparently, he also said my dogs were vicious.
That never went far. Anyway, yesterday, my kids got home from school, they wanted to visit a neighborhood friend and left the garage open. A lady was walking by. She was Asian, I can tell. How? I have cameras. I was also upstairs and looked out my window which is directly above the garage because I didn't hear the garage door close.
Well these 2 little shits went barking at her. She didn't flinch just kept on walking. I tell the kids close the garage. Today the big man over there and another lady who lives across the street from him, (I suppose birds of a feather flock together) rang my doorbell after I dropped my son off at school. I come downstairs, and this asshole pounds my door to show his impatience. I'm thinking cops? I open the door it's this asshole and his neighborhood lady friend.
I ask them what's the visit for, she tells me that when she was walking yesterday, my dogs "attacked" her and the dickhead standing next to her adds more dramatic impact and says, they even bit her. I'm fucking laughing inside. I saw the whole thing myself from upstairs. The lady my dogs barked at was Asian, her hair was black, I can still see her face from my upstairs bedroom window. I saw my dogs run up and bark at her and sniff her shoes and bark some more before my kids called them in. This lady was covered in long white sleeve and long white walking pants, white sneakers, a hat to cover the sun, and a face mask because she's Asian of course and we all hate the sun. Her walking stature was that of a woman in her mid 40 to 50's, and this lady in front of me that was supposedly attacked was again not Asian, and the lady claiming that she got attacked is about 30 years older, not even capable of walking no more than 200 feet from her property. She does not wear walking attire obviously made in China or Korea. I know because I'm Korean and older women wear exactly that type of clothing in Korea or Asia when they walk in daylight. They like to avoid the sun, but get their walks in. Jesus.... the fucking lies in this shit is humor at this point.
The lady in front of me is too old, let alone is capable to walk past my property or take daily walks. I work at home remotely man, I would have noticed if this lady was to type to take walks at 3 pm. I pick my kids up and I'm active outside during that time.
This lying POS goes a bit further and says, he thinks my dogs even broke skin. I look at her finger. I see nothing. No bite marks nothing, not even a scratch. No blood. Just straight-up lies. I apologize to the lady regardless. I tell her I'll cover her medical expenses (which means medical report, and doctor bill) she stutters a little, says no need. If she broke skin, and my dogs bit her, she would be at my house the minute it happened. Fucking lying ass dumb idiots. This man now dragged this lady into his lies you know.
Then I look at this mother fucker in the eye and my fucking legs are twitching, and in my mind, I want to land a roundhouse, I gauged the distance, and it would land on the right side of his face. Shit would have been a 10/10 perfect kick I'm thinking.... yea dipshit, something else you should know about Koreans, most of us take some sort of martial arts early in our youth and that never really stops. Seeing how you say you know so much about my culture, did that not enter your fucking head?
Anyway, I look at this sorry excuse for a man, a fucking coward and I ask him why he's here? If the lady is the one who got bit, then perhaps this is between me and her, right? He says he's there with her because he cares. Like hell, you do. You dragged this lady in your lies and she's going along with you but it's not the truth. You sorry ass POS, now dragged another individual into your BS. You still can't get over our last encounter and you are dying to come over and start some new shit. I asked you to walk away, but you didn't like it. You felt disrespected. In your spare time, you've been scheming ways to get back because you were never satisfied.
Anyway, he brings my dogs up again and says he'll call the police. I tell him to do what he's gotta do. That pissed him off because I called his bluff and he can't pull through and execute. I'm fucking with his ability to do anything about it. He now feels small again.
He said I should leave the neighborhood. I bought this fucking house, so I tell him you have money? You wanna buy me out? He has none, he says, "I don't want another house" Okay well then shut the fuck up right. I tell him at this point he should leave. The audacity of this little shitbag to tell me to move out of my own house is something else. Once again this sense of entitlement, where do you get it from?
Anyway, he's giving me the middle finger this whole time like a bitch hiding behind his safety blanket or something right. He's doing all kinds of weird shit right now. Like throws both fingers up, turns around does a 180, and gives me another two fingers. He's doing this like 10 times. What the fuck is wrong with this guy right? In front of the old lady which he seemed to have convinced to carry out the lies with him. I can tell at this point, she's about had it. She no longer wants to be involved. Again, if a person got bit by a "vicious dog" and was bleeding, she would not have acted this way right? She got called out on her hand, she tried to play along with his lead, how my dogs broke the skin, getting bit by them... all that, but she's got no bite marks, and my dogs don't bite. I know this. At the end she tells me she doesn't want my dogs on her yard, but she's okay with other dogs on her yard. So it's a personal thing, okay no worries I tell her.
Then he brings up the culture thing again. "You know my wife is Korean.... she's disgusted with you...blah blah" I respond, "I am Korean and my entire family is Korean and they would be disgusted with you," and then I tell him, "You don't understand us Koreans, we have mutual respect and honor, you have none, and that's why you're not getting any"
Guy walks away looking as small as he is, caught in his lies. When I knew all along what happened, his face turns fucking tomato red. Just what the fuck? How sick is this guy in the head? Anyway, I don't expect anything, just thought I'd write, for the internet and the entire world.

Hi! New here, so please bear with me. I'm really conflicted about me being the difficulties one in this situation.
So a bit of background: I've been with SO for a few years. We are both in our late 20s, live together, and all in all, I think we have a fantastic relationship. We almost never fight, and if we do, we work it out calmly. We work together, which means we also spend a lot of time together, but it's my favorite part of my job. I adore him, and I love his family and friends, as he does mine.
We live far away from our families, but his is much closer than mine, so we spend more time at my in-laws. Since the start, we all mutually tried to make an effort to get to know each other and to nurture our relationship. From my side, I have given them many gifts, I have cooked, cleaned and tidied extensively whenever I was a guest in her house, I have helped MIL with her work, including handcrafting little souvenirs for her student's summer festival, which took me hours of work; I offer to pay whenever we eat out; I call and listen to her when she is upset, which is often since she is a rather nervous person. I made a huge effort since I saw how happy it made my SO that I was willing to put so much in towards his family, and I started seeing them as my family too.
Since the beginning, MIL was very nice to me, albeit a bit critical. That criticism grew with time, as she was more comfortable around me, and it was often said with a smile in a way I could not get mad: "You should get cellulite treatment so you are more comfortable with yourself" (I never said I wasn't), "don't worry if that swimsuit doesn't look on you the same as in the model" (I wasn't worried, and I certainly didn't ask), "you should not say thank you like that, it sounds fake" (whenever I thanked her for a meal, etc.). All in all, I thought if this was it, it was not too bad, it was probably a generacional thing and I shouldn't hold it against her.
However, she has been getting more blatant and intense lately. This last month was horrible. I felt everything I did was wrong: where I left my shoes, my way of talking, working, even dressing. SO had to get some medical tests done so we were at my I laws for the better part of the month and I did not know where to hice. I thought she was having a hard month, and tried to get over it without saying anything.
Fastforward to last weekend, when SO and I attended a wedding and the bride gave us the bouquet, as a tease, to tell us that we should get married soon. We were so happy that our friends saw us as a long term couple too, and we spent some time in the ride back daydreaming about a possible wedding.
When we arrived home and MIL saw the bouquet, she was upset. Her face fell and she made a comment along the lines of: "uff, you don't need that". I was pretty hurt but I thought I had it well from her. However, when my SO went to talk to her, all hell broke lose. I could hear agitated voice and when I went to the kitchen to look for a glass, I hear her say: "she is very nice, but I am not convinced. You'd be making a huge mistake". Mind you, the kitchen is two rooms away from were she was raining, very loudly and with the door wide open.
I started crying and left before I could hear anything else. When they found me downstairs crying she lost it. Said I was eavesdropping and started screaming she refuse to feel bad for what she said. I didn't say a word except a "don't worry I am just a bit upset, but you don't need to say anything", I was just mostly crying. She kept going on how she didn't have to justify her opinions, and that she tells us how it is. The only reason she gave for her reasoning is that she sees SO stressed about work, and because I work with him (I'm his junior) that is not good for his health. I don't understand, there were a thousands other stressful things going on family related that were far worse-why is she obsessing about our job?
I don't get it. This never came up before. Some of my friends and family insist she is a bit jealous since she is extremely dependent of my SO for everything (for literally every decision she has to make), and that she is scared to lose him. But I have never tried to keep him away from her.
Am I overreacting? I am so hurt. I thought she thought of me as family, and now I just feel she thinks I am a mistake his son is making...

Paramount: Deal Rumors Aside, What About The Operations? Can The Company Turn A Profit?
May 21, 2024 2:41 PM ET
Summary
Paramount Global remains my worst investment, but I still believe in its potential for success.
Paramount's "lack of scale" is not the reason for its underperformance as it spends about as much on content as industry leader Netflix.
Paramount's loss last year was largely the result of one-off writedowns, both domestically and internationally. These losses will not repeat going forward.
Paramount's streaming operation suffers not from lack of scale, but an abundance of overload waste, which may be alleviated under new management.
The sports slate remains best-in-class, and CBS is still the leader in broadcast scripted. CBS Television City in Los Angeles, Ca, USA. JHVEPhoto/iStock Editorial via Getty Images
Paramount Global (NASDAQ:PARA) (NASDAQ:PARAA) remains my worst investment. Let's just get that clear from the start. I said two years ago it was madness not to buy Paramount. That was wrong, wrong, wrong. The fact that I recommended against buying the new Warner Discovery at the same time, and heeding that warning saved a lot of money, makes me feel a little better, but not much.
And no, the fact that Warren Buffett made the exact same mistake as me doesn't help much, either. Mr. Buffett and I are about to part ways, anyway. He is now completely sold out of Paramount, while I am hanging in. Yes, I am still buying. Get all the ribbing out of your systems, and then read on.
Although a few rounds remain to be played in the game, it is no longer inconceivable that none of the various deal permutations that have been put forward for Paramount will pan out, and that it will continue as an independent company. Essentially, Redstone will block a deal with Apollo Global Management, Inc. (APO) and Sony Group Corporation (SONY) and the 'B' shareholders will litigate a Skydance deal to death.
Because so many Seeking Alpha articles are already offering a blow-by-blow analysis of the deal talks - and I absolutely encourage you to read them - I wanted to turn back for just a minute to a more in-depth look at Paramount's actual operations. If it stays independent, can it turn itself around?
Scale Is Not The Issue I'm angry. Usually, when an investment goes wrong, I can manage to be philosophical or even dispassionate about it. Risks of the trade, can't win 'em all, pick your maxim.
But this one is really getting to me. I'm sure part of that is simply the sheer amount of my portfolio that has suffered - I bet a lot more on Paramount than I did on my typical investment, so sure was I that it had the tools needed for success. Fortunately, some of my other media investments have worked out much, much better, or I'd really be hurting. In fact, my Netflix buy has repaired all the damage my Paramount buy has done.
Still, I'm unusually angry, partly because of the sheer amount lost. But it's also that I still don't believe there is anything wrong with Paramount, at its core. It has become quite commonplace to speak of Paramount's "lack of scale" as the reason for its apparent impending demise, or at least subsumption. But I would still argue that that isn't born out by the numbers. Paramount spent roughly $16 billion on content in 2023, the same total as 2022, when $4 billion of it was spent on streaming. That is only slightly less than Netflix, Inc. (NFLX) which leads the industry in market cap and performance, if not in spending. While the gap with other studio peers is larger, I'm not sure spending at Netflix levels equals a "lack of scale."
What's more, a lot of that extra spending by other traditional industry players like Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc. (WBD) and The Walt Disney Company (DIS) is not spending that investors should necessarily cheer. As I've explained before, Paramount's lower spending total is almost entirely accounted for by its far more profitable approach to sports rights; a lot of that extra spending that Disney and Warner are doing isn't particularly profitable or even sensible.
What then, does account for Paramount's underperformance?
Stock Performance That depends on which underperformance you're talking about. First, the stock price. Paramount cut its dividend in spring 2023. That announcement, with its Q1 earnings, was enough to cause half of the past-year decline in a single day. Paramount went from $21 to $16 with the dividend cut and was still at $16 as late as December.
Since then, the other half of the decline has reflected the increasing evidence that Paramount is more or less ready to throw in the towel, and intends to be a distressed seller to another studio or private equity firm soon. More specifically, it is actually Shari Redstone, who exercises control over Paramount through her 77.3% share of Paramount's Class A voting stock, who is ready to call it quits. The perception that she has no leverage and will be forced to accept a fire sale offer has driven the stock lower.
Operations All that, however, merely explains the stock market decline; what is the operational explanation for Paramount's troubles? The company reported a $600 million loss for full year 2023. How is it that one of the Big Five movie studios, with the most popular of the Big Four broadcast networks, the most popular show on cable (Yellowstone) and the only profitable sports slate in American television, can't make money?
Accounting Element First, we need to acknowledge that there are some accounting factors in that 2023 loss. Paramount took a "programming charge," i.e., a write-down of the value of programming assets, of roughly $2.4 billion in Q1 and Q2 last year. That is money that would ordinarily be amortized over a period of years - it's mostly streaming originals, which Paramount usually amortizes over a 4-year period - that instead saw its red ink taken all at once. Had it been amortized normally, Paramount would have reported an operating profit of roughly $1.2 billion, more or less identical to 2022, instead of reporting an operating loss of the same amount.
Still, that write-down reflects the fact that the content isn't performing well, so those losses were always going to happen, and they're quite real; the accounting change is simply a timing issue. So Paramount is operationally deficient, even if perhaps not quite as operationally deficient as this one-time write-down makes it look. We cannot dismiss Paramount's operational issues by putting them down to accounting distortions.
TV Scripted Content Difficulties Paramount did not break down the programming charge, but outside reports have about half of it owing to the integration of Showtime in Paramount+ as a single service. It's not entirely clear which side of the ledger those losses are coming from; one of the less understood things about merging services is that it potentially makes content on both sides less valuable as it is replaced by more popular content from the other side. Showtime's Q1 2023 viewership was very top-heavy, with just two shows, Yellowjackets and Your Honor constituting 30% of all viewership. Presumably, those two shows reduced the value of some Paramount+ existing content while the rest of Showtime's library may have suffered from competition with P+ content.
Regardless of the exact source, Paramount's content is not performing. That's a little surprising considering that, as I said, CBS content is actually quite popular on the linear side. In fact, in the earnings call following the annual report now-former CEO Bob Bakish reported that CBS had the top 16 scripted programs and 18 of the top 20 in the first week of post-strike broadcasts. Paramount has disclosed in the past that CBS content makes up roughly half of the viewership on Paramount+; and this is despite the fact that P+ isn't even the sole beneficiary of CBS content; roughly $600 million per quarter of Paramount's licensing revenue comes from CBS shows as well.
One possibility that I perhaps did not consider sufficiently was the chance that the unique characteristics of CBS would make it harder for that channel to transition to streaming than its other broadcast peers. CBS is the most popular of all broadcast networks, but that popularity owes disproportionately to more elderly viewers; in the demo, it is actually Comcast Corporation's (CMCSA) NBC which takes the top crown.
With elderly viewers both less appealing to advertisers and less likely to make the transition to streaming, it is perhaps not so surprising that CBS is continuing to perform well on linear but having trouble translating that to streaming.
International Shortfall The damage isn't through yet, either. Paramount disclosed that it took another $1.2 billion impairment charge on content in the first quarter. This one has to do with the international side; a few years ago Paramount commissioned 150 new, original international shows and movies to try to boost international growth. Now, Paramount reveals that even international consumers spend no less than 90% of their time streaming Hollywood content; the local originals aren't doing very much for growth or retention.
About the only good thing that can be said about this complete and utter debacle is that it is a one-off; unlike Paramount's US content spending, which is ongoing and therefore must be made more efficient if Paramount is to survive and thrive, Paramount is gradually exiting International production. In fact, to help cover the losses on its international originals it is selling its share in Viacom18, the network that formerly served as Paramount's onshore operation in India, to its partner Reliance for a little over $500 million.
Where Are The Children? Yet another factor is children's programming. While many have essentially written off Paramount's entire cable channel group, and I agree the prognosis for MTV and Comedy Central is rather grim, I have argued that Nickelodeon remains a real asset, as one of the top two children's channels in linear TV. I believed that would be a powerful subscriber acquisition tool, alongside sports, as the streaming transition continued.
It hasn't worked out. Surveys consistently show the Big 3 for parents with children are Netflix, Disney, and the third is Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) of all things. Neither Paramount+ nor Warner Discovery's Max make the cut, despite ownership of top children's linear platforms/libraries Nickelodeon and Looney Tunes, respectively.
The prognosis here isn't entirely grim. Paramount has reported that half of their streaming subscribers touch kids' content regularly, so clearly Nickelodeon does mean something to the subscribers. It's possible it helps with retention, even if it doesn't drive acquisition. Paramount owns the number one brand for pre-school kids, Paw Patrol.
Paramount has shut down the separate Noggin streaming service and will presumably be amplifying the kids content on P+ as a result, so perhaps this trend will yet turn around. With so many other things going wrong, though, the inability to make kids content more central to the strategy is a painful blow.
The Mismanagement Of Streaming I suspect, however, that Paramount's single biggest defect over the past few years has been the competency of its management. In a streaming world, success hinges overwhelmingly on the efficiency with which a content budget is deployed. That efficiency, in turn, requires avoiding the trap of "overload," something cable doesn't have to worry about but which can kill a streaming service.
What Is Overload? In brief, overload is when a streaming service spends money on content that appeals primarily to those subscribers who were already subscribed and intending to remain subscribed, even without that content. Because revenue does not increase with more viewership, such spending is essentially wasted money. I have been arguing for several years that some economic models of streaming profitability fail to take account of this significant element.
Paramount seems to have had a lot of overload in the last few years. Specifically, its single most broadly appealing piece of content is the NFL, which Paramount is an anchor broadcaster for. Because NFL fans are accustomed to spending upwards of $100 a month on cable just to watch the NFL - over 10% of cable subscribers say that the NFL is the only reason they're still subscribing - Paramount's $6-$12 a month fee for streaming really doesn't need anything more than NFL games to attract these 40-50 million fans.
The Earnings Jaw-Dropper And yet, it seems that's where a lot of the extra streaming money has been going. On the Q2 earnings call last year, CEO Bob Bakish, watching the stock price steadily decline, seemed to be eager to reassure he had a handle on the situation and began describing some of the changes he'd be making. It started out well enough, really; he told investors that NFL viewers churn drops dramatically if they also engage with entertainment titles, which is what you'd expect.
But then, he stunned me and I expect just about everyone listening when he said, "we probably need to do less for [the NFL viewer] in the fall, and more outside the fall because we can rely on the NFL." Compounding the almost Looking Glass-feeling, he then went on to reassure everyone he would be "fine-tuning" the content strategy to address that point in the years to come.
It was, frankly, stunning. Both me and I suspect just about every analyst who was modeling Paramount had just assumed it went without saying that of course, any entertainment content targeted at retaining NFL viewers should drop in the other half of the year when the NFL wasn't playing on TV. My own calculations of the profit margin on CBS's NFL deal had always incorporated that.
And while that was bad enough, it also raised the concern that a management team that didn't understand that going in might have put a lot of other overload in other categories as well. Suddenly, it wasn't so hard to see how the best-scripted shop with the most profitable sports contracts was having trouble making money. Double-loading for 50 million households would be a major drag on the financial performance for streaming.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel Despite all of this, I still think there are bright spots in the Paramount picture, even without a merger. Its operations, as well as its merger discussions, don't seem to lack potential.

1: My Usual Paramount Bull Argument: Sports Profits

One thing that continues to go right is sports content. A few years ago, I wrote that Paramount was a strong contender to become a sustainable streaming business because it had the only profitable sports slate in the business. The stock hasn't gone where I wanted it to go, but that is the one part of my thesis that has been definitively borne out. In fact, many now say that it is CBS's sports deals, at least as much as Paramount's film/TV studio, that the prospective buyers of Paramount are after.
I've covered these in other articles already. The March Madness deal runs until 2032 and the NFL deal runs until 2033, although the NFL has an opt out after 2029 that it will probably exercise given the utterly ludicrous bids the NBA is receiving, so the last four years of that deal might have to be chopped off the profit projections. Even so, Paramount can probably generate $1.25 billion a year in profit just off of those two deals for the next six years.
Those are probably the biggest, but it doesn't stop there. Almost every sports deal Paramount has is profitable. For all the flak management has deservedly taken, Paramount continues to show discipline and focus on sports. You won't find Paramount throwing $2.5 billion a year at the NBA's 'B' package, which is more money than the NFL gets for its 'B' package despite having 10x the viewership.
For all its many, many missteps, a Paramount that can just manage to stay afloat long enough for some of these ludicrous sports bets at other companies to blow up may yet find itself with cards to play later in the decade.

2: Recouping Write-downs Via Preferred Conversion

Another small boon has been the official conversion of the preferred shares. The Paramount mandatory convertible formerly trading under the PARAP ticker was capped at 0.85 shares per common share. Given the initial price of the convertible at $100 per share, that effectively means that a preferred share that was carrying a $100 liquidation value has just been converted into 1.1765 shares of a common stock currently trading around $12. A total value per preferred share of around $14.
And they sold for $1 billion, so that's basically $860 million back into the common equity that management was able to get at the peak of the boom. That actually repairs almost all of the red ink from Paramount's doomed international originals push on its own.

3: An End To Streaming Waste

Finally, a lot of the waste in streaming may soon be ending. Bob Bakish was finally fired a few weeks ago, and while I never want someone to lose their job, he frankly had looked overmatched for a while. Bakish was a lifetime cable executive who seemed to be having trouble making the transition to a streaming-world mindset. Frankly, if I knew about it in 2021, the CEO has no business fine-tuning it into the strategy in 2023.
With international originals no longer draining the coffers and overloaded entertainment programming shifted to months of the calendar where it can be more productive, streaming may yet turn the corner.
Investment Summary I recognize fully that each fall in Paramount stock makes my bullish optimism seem ever more out of step. I do believe, however, that Paramount's failures are more failures of execution than lack of scale or structural disadvantage. Paramount CEO Bob Bakish simply wasn't up to the job. Ironically that wasn't what got him fired; Bakish was almost certainly fired for opposing Redstone's plan to enrich herself at the expense of other shareholders, probably the most competent thing he did in the last few years of his whole tenure.
Paramount has everything it needs to be successful; profitable sports contracts, which is just unbelievable in this day and age, a thriving scripted TV operation, and a viable, if recently somewhat mismanaged, streaming service. An end to overload waste, the continued exploitation of its favorable sports slate, throttling back unhelpful international originals and boosting kids content engagement may yet produce a different streaming picture going forward. Should older viewers start to get more comfortable with streaming going forward and following their favorite programs to Paramount+, that would just be icing on the cake.
It's been a depressing ride the last few years, but I'm sticking with Paramount.

CAPUT I
...
Know, therefore, that the purpose of this book is to describe the four kinds of spirit-men, namely, the water people, the mountain people, the fire people and the wind people. Included among these four kinds are the giants, the melusines, the Venusberg and what is similar to them.
...
How things are in relation to us will have to be described in the following order:
First, their creation and what they are;
second, their country and habitation, where they stay and what their mode of living is;
third, how they come to us and let themselves be seen, how they mix and have intercourse with us;
fourth, how they perform some miraculous works, such as Melusine, the Venusberg and similar stories;
fifth, the birth of the giants and their origin, and also their vanishing and return.
...
CAPUT SECUNDUM
...
The flesh must be understood thus that there are two: the flesh from Adam and that which is not from Adam. The flesh from Adam is a coarse flesh, for it is earthen and is nothing else but a flesh that can be bound and grasped like wood or a stone. The other flesh which is not from Adam, is a subtile flesh and can not be bound nor grasped, for it is not made from earth. Now, the flesh from Adam is the man from Adam. He is coarse like the earth which is compact. And, therefore, man cannot go through a wall. He must make a hole to slip through, because nothing recedes before him.
But before the flesh that is not from Adam, walls recede, which means that such flesh does not require doors nor holes; it goes through intact walls and does not break anything. They are both flesh, blood, bone and so on, whatever belongs to a man, and in their whole nature they are like man’s. But they are different in that they have a double origin like two cousins; they are in equal way like a spirit and like man. The spirit goes through all walls and nothing locks him out; man, however, not, for he is locked out by the bolt or the lock.
...
With all this, they bear children, talk and eat, drink and walk—things that spirits do not. Hence, they are like the spirits in speed, like man in gestures, figure and eating, and so they are people who have the character of spirits and also that of man, and both are one in them. Although they are both spirit and man, yet they are neither one nor the other. They cannot be men, since they are spiritlike in their behaviour. They cannot be spirits, since they eat and drink, have blood and flesh. Therefore, they are a creation of their own, outside the two,... It must be understood further that although they are spirit and man, yet they are neither. Man has a soul, the spirit not. The spirit has no soul, but man has one. This creature, however, is both, but has no soul, and yet is not identical with a spirit. For, the spirit does not die, but this creature dies. And so it is not like man, it has not the soul; it is a beast, yet higher than a beast.
...
Now, they are separated from us because they are not from Adam and do not participate in the same earth from which Adam was made, but God has decreed that we may see them miraculously, which has a particular meaning, as will be discussed in the last treatise. They have children and their children are their kind, not ours. They are witty, rich, clever, poor, dumb like we who are from Adam. They resemble us in every way. Just as one says: man is the image of God, that is, he has been made after his image—in the same way one can also say: these people are the image of man and made after his image.
...
And so they are men and people, die with the beasts, walk with the spirits, eat and drink with men. That is: like the beasts they die, so that nothing is left; and neither water nor fire harms them, like the spirits, and nobody can lock them up, like the spirits, but they reproduce like men and therewith share his nature. They have man’s diseases and his health but their medicine is not from the earth from which man is made, but from the element in which they live. They die like men, but are dead like the beasts. Their flesh rots like other flesh and their bones like other men’s bones and nothing remains of it. Their customs and behaviour are human, as is their way of talking, with all virtues, better and coarser, more subtile and rougher. The same applies to their figures : they are very different, like men. In food they are like men, eat and enjoy the product of their labor, spin and weave their own clothing. They know how to make use of things, have wisdom to govern, justice to preserve and protect. For although they are beasts, they have all the reason of man, except the soul.
...
TRACTATUS II - ABOUT THEIR ABODE
...
Their abode is of four kinds, namely, according to the four elements : one in the water, one in the air, one in the earth, one in the fire. Those in the water are nymphs, those in the air are sylphs, those in the earth are pygmies, those in the fire salamanders. These are not good names, but I use them nevertheless.
...
The name of the water people is also undina, and of the air people sylvestres, and of the mountain people gnomi, and of the fire people vulcani rather than salamandri.
...
Now you must know that if their regions have to be described, they must be divided into their parts. For the water people have no intercourse with the mountain people, nor the mountain people with them, nor the salamanders.
...
The undinae have their abode in water, and the water is given to them as to us the air, and just as we are astonished that they should live in water, they are astonished about our being in the air. The same applies to the gnomi in the mountains: the earth is their air and is their chaos. For everything lives in chaos, that is: everything has its abode in chaos, walks and stands therein. Now, the earth is not more than mere chaos to the mountain manikins. For they walk through solid walls, through rocks and stones, like a spirit; this is why these things are all mere chaos to them, that is, nothing. That amounts to: as little as we are hampered by the air, as little are they hampered by the mountain, by earth and rocks.
...
Since water is the fish’s air, the fish does not drown, and so the unda does not drown either. As in the water, so in the earth: the earth is air to the gnomi; hence they do not suffocate. They do not require our air, we do not theirs. Thus also with the salamanders: fire is their air, as our air our air is. And the sylvestres are closest to us, for they too maintain themselves in our air, and they are exposed to the same kind of death as we, namely: they burn in fire, and we too; they drown in water, and we too; they suffocate in the earth, and we too. For, each remains healthy in his chaos; in the others he dies.
...
Let us philosophize further, about their food ... The sylphs are like men, nourish themselves like men in the wilderness, on herbs in the woods. To the salamanders the soil is earth, their heaven is the air, and fire their chaos. Thus food grows to them from the earth and from fire, and the constellation from air is their heaven.
...
About their clothing: they are clothed and cover their genitalia, but not in the way of our world, in their own way. For they have modesty and similar qualities, as men must have, have law and similar institutions, have their authorities, [etc.] ... To the beasts clothing is inborn by nature, but not to these people. To them nothing is inborn by nature; they must work for it like man whom they resemble. Their work, like man’s work, is in the nature and kind of their own world and earth on which they live.
...
**About their figures, know that they are different. The water people look like men, both women and men. The sylvestres do not conform, but are cruder, coarser, longer and stronger than both. The mountain people are small, of about two spans. The salamanders are long, narrow and lean. Their place and abode are in their chaos, as was mentioned before. The nymphs live in water, in running brooks, etc., so close that they grasp the people who ride through or bathe therein. The mountain people are in the mountain chaos, and there they build their houses. This is why it often happens that one finds in the earth an attic, vaults, and similar structures, of the height of about a yard. They have been build by these people for their abode and dwellings.
The water people do the same in their various places. Know also that the mountain people live in the caves of the mountains and this is why strange structures occur and are found in such places. These are their work. Know also about the fire people whose yelling, hammering and working can be heard in volcanic mountains. It can also be heard when the elements are incinerated. For all these things are the same as with us, but according to their secret quality. Those who travel through wild regions learn the reason for such beings and obtain information. There these beings are found. In the mines also, close to good ore, etc. they are found, and in waters the same also, and the vulcans near the Aetna. And there are many more marvellous things, about their coins, payments and customs, which would be too long in this connection, but will be described in their place.**
TRACTATUS III - HOW THEY COME TO US AND BECOME VISIBLE TO US
All that God has created, he reveals to man and lets come before him, so that man has and attains knowledge of all happenings of the creatures.
...
And in order that we may have a good knowledge of things, the water people have not only been truly seen by man, but have married him and have born him children. Thus also, the mountain people have not only been seen, but people saw them, and talked to them, and received money from them and blows and similar things. The same happened with the forest people, as was mentioned before, the people saw them and dealt and walked with them. Thus also, with the vulcans, who also, as mentioned before, appeared to man, and revealed themselves essentially, who they were and what had to be understood of them all.
...
The nymphs, namely, become apparent to us, but not we to them, except in what they tell about us in their world, as a pilgrim would, who had been in foreign lands. They do not need such rapture, the way the mountain people enrapture us, or the water people. For they have no power over man, and their world is not such that they could adopt us. Man is not subtile in body, but coarse in body and subtile in chaos, while it is the contrary with them. Therefore, they can well stand our chaos, but not we theirs. Their element also is in itself their chaos, which to us may not be chaos. Thus they appear to us, stay with us, marry with us, die with us, and also bear children.
...
This happens with the water people. They come out of their waters to us, make themselves known, act and deal with us, go back to their water, come again—all this to allow man the contemplation of the divine works. Now, they are men, but on the animal side alone, without the soul. From this it follows that they marry men. A water woman takes a man from Adam, and keeps house for him, and gives birth to children. Of the children, we know that they follow after the father. Because the father is a man from Adam, a soul is given to the child, and it becomes like a regular man, who has an eternal soul. ... Just as the condition of these people is, when they are in union with man, so is the condition of man, when he is in union with God.
From this it follows that they woo man, and that they seek him assiduously and in secret. ... they seek love with man, so as to be in union with men. With them all intelligence and wisdom are outside the qualities of the soul, and not the soul.
...
One must also know that not all of them may be married to us. The water people come first; they are the closest to us. Next after them come the forest people, then the mountain and earth manikins who, however, rarely marry humans and are only obliged to serve them. The vulcans never attempt to enter into union with humans, and yet are apt to serve them. Know also that two of them, namely the earth manikins and vulcans, are considered spirits and not creatures, being looked upon as a mirage only, or as ghosts. You must know, however, that just as they appear, thus they are, flesh and blood like another man, and with that, quick and fast like a spirit, as was told in the beginning. They also know all future affairs, present affairs and the past, which are not apparent but are hidden. In that they can serve man, protect, warn, guide him, and such like. For they have reason in common with man (except in regard to the soul). They have knowledge and intelligence of the spirit (except in regard to God). Thus they are highly gifted, and they know and warn, so that man may learn about such things, and see them, and believe in such creatures.
...
It is said of the nymphs, that they come to us from the water, and sit on the banks of the brooks where they have their abode, where they are seen, taken also, caught, and married, as we said before. The forest people, however, are coarser than they. They do not talk, that is, they cannot talk although they have tongues and enough of all that is needed for speech. In this point they differ from the nymphs, for the nymphs can speak in the languages of the countries; the forest people, however, cannot but they learn easily.
The mountain manikins are endowed with speech like the nymphs, and the vulcans speak nothing, yet they can speak but roughly and rarely. The nymphs appear, as was said before, in human clothing, with human features and desires. The forest people are like men, but shy and fugitive. The mountain people are like men, not tall, short; sometimes they reach about half the size of man or so, sometimes more. Thus and in the same way, the vulcans appear, fiery, and fire is all over their features and clothing.
They are the ones of whom one says: a fire man or spirit is going through the house; there goes a burning soul, etc. It often happens that such figures are seen. They also are the flames that are frequently observed as glowing lights in meadows and fields, running through each other and towards each other. These are the vulcans, but they are not found living with man, on account of their fire. They are often found with old women, however, that is, with witches, wooing them.
...
You must know, however, that there is danger with the fire people, because they are commonly possessed, and the devil thus rages in them, which causes great harm to man. Know also that he equally takes possession of the mountain people and thus makes them subservient to him, and of the forest people also. He then can be found in the forest possessing sylphs and venturing to make love to women who live in forest regions. But they all become like lepers, scabby and mangy, and there is no help for them either.
When these beings are not possessed by the devil they are human and seek union as has been mentioned. But they keep the way of spirits, in that they disappear. One who has a nymph for a wife, should not let her get close to any water, or at least should not offend her while they are on water. And one who has a mountain manikin with him, should not offend him, particularly not at places where they get lost. But they are so much obliged to man and so closely bound to him, that they cannot get away from him, unless there is a reason for it, and this happens at the place from which they come. If one has a wife, she does not get away from him, unless she is provoked while they are on water. Otherwise she will not disappear and can be held. The mountain manikins also must keep their pledges, when they are in service and have been pledged.
But obligations to them must be kept also, in all that is due to them. If duties are kept as should be, they are honest, constant, and intent on their work. And one must know that they are particularly loyal to man and much inclined to spending money. For, the mountain people have money, because they themselves coin it. This is how it must be understood. What a spirit wishes to have, he has, and their wishing and desiring is thus: when a mountain manikin wishes or desires a sum of money, if there is need for it, he has it, and it is good money. Thus they give money to many people in the galleries of mountains, to make them get away; they buy them off. All this is divine order— that they thus appear to us and that we see what is incredible to tell. Man is the most earthbound of all creatures. What he must have and wants, he must make for himself, and he obtains nothing by wishing and desiring it. But those people have what they need and desire, and man does nothing for it. They have it without work.
TRACTATUS IV
As we came to the end of the treatise, we had sufficiently discussed the necessities of these beings, and how they come to man. You must now, furthermore, know about their disappearance from man, and about their doings with us, with many such tales and stories that have happened with them, in many queer ways.
...
It also happens that sirens are born. They are water women too, but live more on the water than in it. They are not split like fish, but are more like a virgin, yet their form is not quite that of a woman. They bear no children but are monsters, just as a strange human being can be born from two normal parents. I would like to put it thus: the water people reproduce themselves like humans, but when it happens that they produce a monster, these monsters are sirens that swim on the water, for they repudiate them and do not keep them. This is why they occur in many forms and figures, as it happens and is the case with all monsters.
Thus we marvel not only at the water people but also at the sirens, who have many strange features and are very different from people. Some can sing, some can whistle with reeds, some can do this and that. Monks are also born from nymphs, that is, a monster which is shaped just like a monk. This you must know, namely, that such growths that are comparable to men and are found in some places, come from men, that is, they come from water people, earth manikins and similar beings.
...
To continue the discussion of these beings, know that such people also convene and assemble in one place, where they may live together and seek intercourse with man, for they love him. ... There are more women than men in such groups, few men, many women; hence they are after men whenever they have a chance. From such people a group originated that is called the Venusberg. It consists of nothing else but a kind of nymphs, thrown together in a cave and hole of their world, yet not in their own chaos, in man’s chaos, but in their regionibus. Know about them that they reach a very old age, but you cannot notice it, because their appearance remains the same from beginning to end, and they die unchanged. Venus was a nymph and undine who excelled others and reigned for a long time, but she died and the succeeding Venus was not as endowed as she had been. She died in the course of time and her kingdom vanished. There are many tales about her.
...
There is a story about a different beginning. It tells of a queen who resided there and sank into the earth. It was a water woman who resided there. She went into the mountain, under the pond that was above her, in her region. There she took her abode, and for making love, she built a gallery, for her to get to the lads and they to her. Such strange things happened there that nobody was able to report about these beings, what they were or where they were from, until it came to an end. It is quite possible that this could happen again should another nymph come, equal to her.
...
There is also a true story of the nymph in Staufenberg who sat on the road in all her beauty and served the lord she had chosen. ... Our nymph was a water woman. She promised herself to von Staufenberg and stayed also with him, until he married another wife, and took her for a devil. Taking her for a devil and considering her such, he married another woman and thus broke his promise to her. Therefore, at the wedding, she gave him the sign, through the ceiling, during the banquet, and three days later, he was dead.
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We must pay equally great attention to Melusine, for she was not what the theologians considered her, but a nympha. It is true, however, that she was possessed by the evil spirit, of which she would have freed herself if she had stayed with her husband to the end. For such is the devil that he transforms these beings into different shapes, as he also does with the witches, transforming them into cats and werewolves, dogs, etc. This happened to her also, for she never was free of witchcraft but had a part in it. A superstitious belief resulted, that on Saturdays she had to be a serpent. This was her pledge to the devil for his helping her in getting a man. Otherwise, she was a nympha, with flesh and blood, fertile and well built to have children. She came from the nymphs to the humans on earth and lived there. But then, as superstitio seduces and vexes all beings, she went away from her people in her superstitious belief, to the places where the seduced people come who are bewitched in superstitionibus and spell-bound. Mind you, she remained the same serpent to the end of her life, and God knows how long it lasted.
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TRACTATUS V - DE GIGANTIBUS - On Giants
You must know further that there are two more kinds that belong to the kind of nymphs and pygmies, namely, the giants and dwarfs, who are not born from Adam. Although it is a fact that Saint Christopher was a giant, yet he took birth from human seed, and hence we shall not write about him. But we shall write about the other giants, referred to in the stories of Bern, Sigenott, Hiltbrant, Dittrich, etc., also about the dwarf Laurin and others. Such stories are frequently rejected, but you must know that the same people who reject them, reject also much more important truth.
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To come to an end, know that such people, giants and dwarfs, may well make women from Adam pregnant, because same likes to meet same, and nature may permit it. Yet you must know that the monsters are not fertile, although they are monsters only so far as their strength and size is concerned; they are not misbuilt. But they have only one seed available, that is, they do not attain the third, fourth, etc. generation. Know also that when they get into man’s kind, the result is uncertain. If the child’s body takes after the mother it falls into her kind; if not, it becomes a beast like the father. It is not possible for it to become a mixed being because the seed of one of the two always prevails. It happens otherwise that both become one seed, but here not. And if it were one seed it would have to be qualified by the one partner who gives the soul. More is said about this subject in other philosophical treatises, and there is no need to tell it here. Their kind, however, has died out and they have left no descendants to replace them.
TRACTATUS VI - ON THE CAUSES OF SUCH CREATURES
Now that we must reflect in terms of natural philosophy about the causes of these creatures we must remember the facts, all the points, many of which have been discussed in the previous treatises. We need not repeat them here. Further causes that may be explored are these: namely, that God has set guardians over nature, for all things, and he left nothing unguarded.
Thus gnomes, pygmies and mami guard the treasures of the earth, the metals and similar treasures. Where they are, there are tremendous treasures, in tremendous quantities. They are guarded by such people, are kept hidden and secret so that they may not be found until the time for it has come. When they are found, people say: in times-of old there used to be mountain manikins, earth people here, but now they are gone. This means that now the time has come for the treasures to be revealed. The treasures of the earth are distributed in such a way that the metals, silver, gold, iron, etc., have been found from the beginning of the world on, and are being discovered by and by.
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[Now of] the fire people. They too are guardians, of the fireplaces, in which they live. In these places the treasures, that others guard, are forged, prepared, made ready. When the fire is extinguished, it is the earth manikins’ turn to be on guard. And after the earth manikins’ guard, the treasures are revealed. It is the same with the air people. They guard the rocks that lie on the surface, that have been made by the fire people, and put at the place where they belong, from where they get into man’s hands. They guard them so long, until the time has come. Wherever there are treasures, such people are on hand. These are hidden treasures that must not be revealed yet.
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The nymphs in the water are guardians of the great water treasures, that lie in the sea and other waters, that have also been melted and forged by the fire people. It is, therefore, commonly understood that where nymphs are, there are considerable treasures and minerals and similar matters which they guard. This is apparent in many ways.
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The cause of the sirens, giants, dwarfs, also of the will-o’the-wisps, who are monsters of the fire people, is that they predict and indicate something new. They are not on guard, but signify that misfortune is threatening people. ... when this is going to happen, signs occur. These beings are such signs, as has been said, but not they alone; there are many more. You must know that the signs change each time. They do not appear in one way, but are hidden to our eyes.
And, finally, the last cause is unknown to us. But when the end of the world will come close, then all things will be revealed, from the smallest to the largest, from the first to the last, what everything has been and is, why it stood there and left, from what causes, and what its meaning was. And everything that is in the world will be disclosed and come to light. Then the fake scholars will be exposed, those who are highly learned in name only but know nothing by experience. Then, the thorough scholars and those who are mere talkers will be recognized for what they are, those who wrote truthfully and those who traded in lies, the thorough and the shallow ones. And to each will be measured according to his diligence, earnest endeavor and truth. At that place, not everyone will be or remain a master, or even a doctor, because there the tares will be separated from the wheat and the straw from the grain. He who now cries, will be quieted, and he who now counts the pages, will have his quills taken away. And all things will be revealed before the Day of Judgment breaks, order that it be found of all scholars, from the past to that very day, who had knowledge and who not, whose writings were right and whose wrong. Now, in my time, this is still unknown. Blessed will be the people, in those days, whose intelligence will be revealed, for what they produced will be revealed to all the people as if it were written on their foreheads. For that time I also recommend my writings for judgment, asking that nothing be withheld. Thus it will be, for God makes the light manifest, that is, everyone will see how it has shone.

TW: sexual abuse, sexual assault, harassment, stalking
I (22F) started working at a supermarket close to my parents’ home when I was 19; it didn’t pay much, but I had to attend classes in the evening since I was still in highschool and finding another job would’ve been extremely hard.
After a couple of months I stated making friends at work and we started hanging out after work hours. One of my colleagues, let’s call him Creep (28M, at the time), had a crush on me and I could tell, but I was too shy and anxious to turn him down immediately. A few months later, I was assigned to a different department and started seeing him less and less (not that I minded, he was kinda creepy in everything he did - even in the way he speaks, but i later found out that he has problems communicating because of how he was raised by deaf parents).
One day he texted me saying that he would’ve come to the store to give me a ride back home (I lived literally 5 mins away from my workplace lol) once I finished my turn. I gently declined, I didn’t need a ride home, I could’ve just walked, but he insisted saying that he had something to tell me. I didn’t have a choice basically. Once we were in the car I asked him what he had to tell me so urgent he couldn’t have waited to see me at work. He confessed that he had a crush on me, that he noticed since we didn’t get to spend much time together anymore and he missed me, asking me what I thought about it and if I would give it a shot. I told him no, I was already seeing someone and I had no interest in persuing something else. I got off the car and said goodbye, but it seemed pretty chill between us.
A few weeks later we were hanging out with some of our friends, had a couple of drinks and, once we were alone, he kissed me. Back in the days my anxiety was pretty bad, I dissociated hard after that, feeling insecure because it seemed like my words didn’t mean a thing - I already turned him down, but he didn’t care.
The following day we had plans with other friends, so I asked him to meet me a little early so we could talk about what happened. He picked me up, he parked near where we hat to meet other people and he immediately cut me off when I started speaking. I was shocked at what he started blabbing.
Him:“So, since we are now dating, I just wanted to let you know a couple of things. I don’t want my girlfriend to go out and get drunk with male friends like you do; I don’t want you to dress like a whore, either-“
Me: “Well, you’re lucky then, since I am NOT your girlfriend.”
Right at that moment I got a phone call, so I picked it up. It was one of our friends, asking for details about the plans we had that evening. While I was talking to him, I suddently felt something wet and soft and disgusting in my other ear - yep, he started licking my ear and my neck out of the blue. Then he grabbed one of my tits, he put his hand between my thights and he touched me. I was shocked, my first reaction was freezing immediately, I was scared and it fucked with my brain badly because I was already sexually assaulted at 17. And he knew it. He knew that I wouldn’t have reacted, that it was too much for me to elaborate, that I was still recovering from my previous assault. I stood there holding my breath, hoping that he wouldn’t go further, because I didn’t have the strength to go through that again. I put down the phone and stared at him while shaking, unable to speak and frightened as hell. He was calm, as if nothing happened, and he continued his monologue. “I know it may seem a bit weird, but I’m still a virgin and I want you to be my first”, he said with dreamy eyes. I wanted to puke. He just molested me, but kept talking as if we were in a relationship. I told him once again that I already had a boyfriend, but couldn’t do anything more than that. I was dissociating so bad, even I started behaving like nothing happened and I don’t know why. Maybe if I played his game I would be safe. Maybe I wasn’t processing properly due to my previous abuse. I don’t know, but I still regret it because it was like telling him that it was fine and he could do whatever he wanted.
A few days later, when I saw him at work, I told him - ONCE AGAIN - that I wasn’t interested, I had a boyfriend, and if it helped him get over it I would stop speaking to him for a while so he could take his time. At first he said he agreed, but after a couple of hours he stopped me in the storehouse saying that he thought about it and he couldn’t accept it, he wanted to keep being my friend and talk to me. I told him “well, i have already told you what I think, I’m sorry but I think it’s better off this way. Now I don’t have time to talk about this again, I’m working”. I turned my back and went for the door - that’s when he suddently GOT ANGRY. He started screaming that he couldn’t stand the idea of not talking me, while blocking the door so I couldn’t get out. I was scared to death. I tought he was going to hit me or something, but nothing happened, he quickly calmed down and let me leave. I stopped talking to him completely. And he. Went. Crazy.
Whenever he walked past me he “”accidentally”” touched my butt; he did anything to find and excuse to talk to me; he always came too close to me to creep me out; he followed me whenever I had a break and went out to smoke a cigarette. My silence didn’t last long, since I got transfered again in the same department as him. Sometimes we were the only two people working during the shift, so I was forced to talk to him at least about work related stuff. So I did. He was ecstatic, he thought we were mending our relationship and he got 10X worse. He texted me weird pictures, he started replying to my Instagram stories with sexual comments, he started following me when I went to school after work, he followed me anywhere I went in general. He also told me weird stories that creeped me out even more.
I started asking my co-workers for help, begging them to stick around so he wouldn’t be near me alone, asking for advice on how to handle it. I didn’t feel safe talking to my supervisors for multiple reasons, and at the time I was just a troubled kid with ptsd. I didn’t have the tools to handle it. So I just stayed quiet. My mental health was getting worse day by day, I was paranoid, alienated, depressed, anxious and scared of everything. I stopped talking to everyone at work, I wasn’t able to interact because I felt as if I had forgotten how to do that. I was miserable. I started going to therapy and took 5 months off to focus on getting better.
But, 5 months later, I had to go back to work.
[The story is too long, if you are interested I’ll post the rest, I just needed a safe space to share this experience and get some advice on how to heal from all of this maybe?]