Bozo punching bag

Hi all, so to get right down to it, I’m a big guy with a lot of mental issues! I quickly developed an extremely unhealthy relationship with food (my means of self harm) and have done nothing lately to combat that physically. That being said, I think I want to join a gym. I have a huge fear of the judgment I get by simply existing and the best way to get over it (for me, I’ve found) is to go to the gym in spite of how afraid and insecure I am.
I enjoy things like the punching bag as well as lifting weights, but with my size (6’5”, 450lbs), I think I should probably start small in cardio before I start throwing myself at the bag. My plan is walking on the treadmill or using the stairstepper for a good while before swapping to weights.
What weight routine would be good for a big someone in this sort of beginner situation? Any and all help/advice would be much appreciated!

I (33F) went back to university a few years ago to pursue a different career. In order to work in this field, in addition to your degree, you need to do a year internship and pass four board exams. I want to specialize within the field, which requires passing a further three specializing exams.
I completed my internship in January this year. It was an incredibly toxic workplace with a very high turnover. I worked 60 hour weeks. I was my managers punching bag and scapegoat and at some point a part of me just shut down in order to get through it. I had three coworkers from different departments approach me separately about how I was being treated and that I should report it to the regulatory board.
I have passed three of the four board exams. Two of them last year and one earlier this year. I failed the fourth exam and will have to retake it in August. Because I basically completed my internship and am just left with one board exam I am in an employment limbo where I can’t really work as an intern nor do I qualify to work in the profession. I have now been unemployed since February and desperately need to find a job.
I feel like I am in my own personalized version of hell. Failing the fourth board exam really put me in a very dark place. I have always done well academically and this was the first exam I’ve ever failed. My plan was to write the specializing exams in August but now I guess I’m going to have to push that to next year because I have to pass my board exam first.
I do some freelance work here and there but I absolutely despise every minute of it. I know it’s money coming in and I should be grateful but the amount I make barely covers groceries. And along with the money, everything is running out or breaking. My phone is at its end. My laptop is barely working. My clothes have holes in them. I have been applying to jobs, and will literally take anything I can get but the unemployment rate in my country is extremely high and jobs are so scarce.
On top of everything my relationship with my GF (32) is also failing. The final nail in the coffin was after my GFs mother passed away and I was told in no uncertain terms that I am not allowed to come to the funeral. My GF is not out to her family and I don’t see her acknowledging my role in her life anytime soon. I would never force anyone to come out of the closet if they are not ready but I want to have children and I just don’t see how or where I fit into her life.
But I currently stay with my GF. Since her mothers passing she has been staying with her father in her hometown for months at a time. They have been discussing having him move here (to my GFs place). This will basically mean that I will lose my home as I cannot afford to pay the rent on my own.
Once I inevitably lose my home I will have nowhere to go. My mother and my intellectually disabled brother stay with my aunt. My mother was retrenched a few years ago and has since been unable to find work. We’ve literally lost everything. I could stay at my aunts place but there is no room for me there. My aunt will also be retiring at the end of the year and I don’t want to put anymore financial strain on her.
I feel so hopelessly trapped. I just don’t know what to do.
The town I currently live in has very few job opportunities. So I would basically have to move to get a job but then none of the jobs actually pay enough for me to be able to survive. There are even fewer jobs in the town where my family lives.
I cry myself to sleep every night. The freelance work I do is online so I barely leave my apartment. I do the same thing everyday, over and over. I haven’t spoken to another human being in person for 6 days now. It’s a feeling of utter aloneness that I don’t even have the words to describe.
Even if I could leave where would I go, what would I do. I have no money, no friends, nothing. And everyday I have to face the fact that this is my reality, my hell. I worked so incredibly hard to get through that internship. I studied so incredibly hard for that exam. I put 110% in everything I do. And for what?
The only good thing I have is that I was able to lose 30 kgs. I’ve been overweight my entire life and for the first time I feel like I actually like my body. But for what? I can’t even afford new clothes, I wear the same baggy oversized clothes from before my weight loss. Because it’s all I have.
All I wanted was to build a decent life for myself. To have a job, enough money to survive, to have friends, and a family.
Before I went back to university, I was miserable, literally planning my suicide. But I made a promise to myself, that I would make a list of everything I hated about my life and at least try to fix it. And I did, I grabbed every opportunity that was available to me, I fought so very hard to get out of that hole. But now I’m halfway through that list and I’m just right back where I started, if not worse off because I actually had hope that things could get bette for me. And now that hope is gone.
Now all I see is how horrible the world is, how much pain and suffering there is. Everyone is suffering. The world has gone to shit, so what makes me so special that things will work out for me?
I so desperately want to live, to experience life but it feels like every chance I had, every opportunity was for nothing. That I was just going to end up the same way. I’m sleeping so much. I’m drinking so much. Just anything to take me away from this reality. And things could have been so different, if I could have just passed the exam I could have found a job. Something, just anything.
I’m just wasting away. And I don’t think it’s every going to get better. I saw my grandparents suffer. I saw my single mother suffer. This is just the way it’s always going to be in my life. And I’m just the idiot who thought that maybe, just maybe my life could be something different. I should have ended it when I had the courage to do so.

Hey! I know this might be a bit of a bizarre question but anyways... I've been watching the contest since 2008, but back in 2015 I didn't follow the Eurovision season half as much as I do nowadays, although I was starting to ever so slightly!
And because of that slight following that was growing on me I have a very blurry but very present in my mind memory of myself browsing through a Spanish TV forum, reading probably one of my first Eurovision season news. I went down to the comments and there were three, I'm 100% sure it was something like this but in Spanish:

1. [Something about Eurovision being for gays and housewives]
2. [Can't remember but probably something about Edurne]
   1. "[Can't remember but in response to the previous] ...ORF are being awful hosts and messing everything up... [can't remember]

I'm almost almost certain that the comments were from way before the semi-finals.
However, since I didn't really go through the actual "Eurovision season experience"™️, the 2015 show simply felt quite nice and well-organized to me. But ever since then I've wondered why that person said that ORF's hosting was that bad. It just came across my mind once more and I finally decided to ask here!
Was there some sort of huge drama in Vienna 2015 involving ORF's hosting, or any drama at all? I've not seen anyone criticise them in here (whereas RAI feels like the sub's punching bag after 2021), so I'm wondering if it was just that person being angry about Edurne or something.
Thanks!!

As title says. Pepper spray, bear spray, etc are illegal in the UK under all circumstances. Carbon fiber and brass knuckles are also illegal under all circumstances.
Personally in Canada I use carbon fiber knuckles at the gym to protect my knuckles from getting bruised when punching punching bags, and I keep them in my wallet so I don’t forget them. I imagine women could use them for self defence if need be, since they do significantly concentrate the force of a punch and add a good deal of weight to the punch (if you buy brands of carbon fiber knuckles with high volume).
TO MODS: Don’t delete above paragraph unless remove entire post. Don’t wanna get arrested for “carrying a concealed weapon” since where I live carrying anything for the sole purpose of self defense gets you thrown in jail.

I (33F) went back to university a few years ago to pursue a different career. In order to work in this field, in addition to your degree, you need to do a year internship and pass four board exams. I want to specialize within the field, which requires passing a further three specializing exams.
I completed my internship in January this year. It was an incredibly toxic workplace with a very high turnover. I worked 60 hour weeks. I was my managers punching bag and scapegoat and at some point a part of me just shut down in order to get through it. I had three coworkers from different departments approach me separately about how I was being treated and that I should report it to the regulatory board.
I have passed three of the four board exams. Two of them last year and one earlier this year. I failed the fourth exam and will have to retake it in August. Because I basically completed my internship and am just left with one board exam I am in an employment limbo where I can’t really work as an intern nor do I qualify to work in the profession. I have now been unemployed since February and desperately need to find a job.
I feel like I am in my own personalized version of hell. Failing the fourth board exam really put me in a very dark place. I have always done well academically and this was the first exam I’ve ever failed. My plan was to write the specializing exams in August but now I guess I’m going to have to push that to next year because I have to pass my board exam first.
I do some freelance work here and there but I absolutely despise every minute of it. I know it’s money coming in and I should be grateful but the amount I make barely covers groceries. And along with the money, everything is running out or breaking. My phone is at its end. My laptop is barely working. My clothes have holes in them. I have been applying to jobs, and will literally take anything I can get but the unemployment rate in my country is extremely high and jobs are so scarce.
On top of everything my relationship with my GF (32) is also failing. The final nail in the coffin was after my GFs mother passed away and I was told in no uncertain terms that I am not allowed to come to the funeral. My GF is not out to her family and I don’t see her acknowledging my role in her life anytime soon. I would never force anyone to come out of the closet if they are not ready but I want to have children and I just don’t see how or where I fit into her life.
But I currently stay with my GF. Since her mothers passing she has been staying with her father in her hometown for months at a time. They have been discussing having him move here (to my GFs place). This will basically mean that I will lose my home as I cannot afford to pay the rent on my own.
Once I inevitably lose my home I will have nowhere to go. My mother and my intellectually disabled brother stay with my aunt. My mother was retrenched a few years ago and has since been unable to find work. We’ve literally lost everything. I could stay at my aunts place but there is no room for me there. My aunt will also be retiring at the end of the year and I don’t want to put anymore financial strain on her.
I feel so hopelessly trapped. I just don’t know what to do.
The town I currently live in has very few job opportunities. So I would basically have to move to get a job but then none of the jobs actually pay enough for me to be able to survive. There are even fewer jobs in the town where my family lives.
I cry myself to sleep every night. The freelance work I do is online so I barely leave my apartment. I do the same thing everyday, over and over. I haven’t spoken to another human being in person for 6 days now. It’s a feeling of utter aloneness that I don’t even have the words to describe.
Even if I could leave where would I go, what would I do. I have no money, no friends, nothing. And everyday I have to face the fact that this is my reality, my hell. I worked so incredibly hard to get through that internship. I studied so incredibly hard for that exam. I put 110% in everything I do. And for what?
The only good thing I have is that I was able to lose 30 kgs. I’ve been overweight my entire life and for the first time I feel like I actually like my body. But for what? I can’t even afford new clothes, I wear the same baggy oversized clothes from before my weight loss. Because it’s all I have.
All I wanted was to build a decent life for myself. To have a job, enough money to survive, to have friends, and a family.
Before I went back to university, I was miserable, literally planning my suicide. But I made a promise to myself, that I would make a list of everything I hated about my life and at least try to fix it. And I did, I grabbed every opportunity that was available to me, I fought so very hard to get out of that hole. But now I’m halfway through that list and I’m just right back where I started, if not worse off because I actually had hope that things could get bette for me. And now that hope is gone.
Now all I see is how horrible the world is, how much pain and suffering there is. Everyone is suffering. The world has gone to shit, so what makes me so special that things will work out for me?
I so desperately want to live, to experience life but it feels like every chance I had, every opportunity was for nothing. That I was just going to end up the same way. I’m sleeping so much. I’m drinking so much. Just anything to take me away from this reality. And things could have been so different, if I could have just passed the exam I could have found a job. Something, just anything.
I’m just wasting away. And I don’t think it’s every going to get better. I saw my grandparents suffer. I saw my single mother suffer. This is just the way it’s always going to be in my life. And I’m just the idiot who thought that maybe, just maybe my life could be something different. I should have ended it when I had the courage to do so.

Gatsby Brian 500 gems Score 3.0
Brian Rich combo made with Bag of Nickels, Rusty, Pewterschmidt Mansion, Wong Casino, Poker Winnings, Sterling House and Antique Mansion. Medium/low Hijack, Bunker and leech. Combo is good at stalling craze combos but not beating. PC is better but underpowered for a PC. Couple generations retired now.
Gun Safety Peter 500 gems Score 2.0
Peter Armed combo made with Pantry Guns Medium Punch and Jab. Great starter combo that starts to fade as an option as your deck develops. Realistic option in Winter Clash if it gets replayed
Management Perks 1000 stones Score 4.5
Tina Drunk combo made with Child Sized Beers, Private Reserves, Box Wine, and Cap’n Sappy Treacle lines of objects. Medium motivate, jab and punch. Kind of a mix of skills. I typically like punch for slot 1, motivate for slot 2. Jab isn’t extremely helpful. Tina’s old drunk combos are also average at best. Haven’t found myself using this combo
Junkie Bobby 1000 stones Score 1.0
Bobby Hyper combo only made with Butterscotch Cookies. High payback and gas. If this combo was actually makable, it would be something to look at, but with just one input and it not being a legendary stone object, it’s not worth your resources
Scale:
9-10 Top of the Top: I’d spend 2250 in gems for cm2 if I had to. Type of combo I would pursue CM5 on
7-8 Still Darn Good: I’d drop 4500 in mastery stones for cm2 or 500 gems for cm1. Maybe I invest 2000 stones for cm1
5-6 Good: I’d throw 1000 mastery stones for cm1, maybe take it to cm2 at a later date
3-4 Average: If I was loaded with mastery stones I would think about
1-2 Poor: There’s something there, but I’m not spending resources on it
0 Lousy: Really Kong, take it out of the game

Howdy. It's not a plane, it's a boat, but I figure you guys would probably know (and it has a plane motor).
I built an RC boat recently, and my 5,000 mAh 3S LiPo battery sits at about 12V straight off the charger but as soon as I punch the throttle it drops to 9 or less. It's an 80C burst rating, but the ESC tops out at 60A which is only like 12C. It's a 650W 1100KV motor meant for an airplane, if that matters.
I'm guessing the battery is just completely porked? It was $30 straight from China, so the quality is very questionable. I haven't taken the best care of it either (yes, I know, I have a bomb bag for it) and it's a few years old.

I divorced my ex in 2021, after 5 years as a stay at home mom I went back to a full time job. It was going well, so I thought, then a close coworker committed suicide. Work never felt the same. My attitude everyday definitely changed. Then they hired a new middle manager and changed her to my department head. Our personalities clashed and for the first time in my life I was told I had a bad attitude. I've always been praised for my positivity. I quit abruptly and found a new position running a small HVAC company, soon after starting I became a verbal punching bag for the owner. A month in he screamed at me for a minor mistake and I cried as a result. He called me weak among other things. I've never been screamed at or insulted by my employer. I've held a professional office position for over 20 years and I've never experienced something like this. He's had about a dozen outbursts since March of last year. Earlier this month it happened again and that was my line in the sand. I left.
I want to believe these aren't normal circumstances and it's not me it's them. I'm defeated and jobless at 46 and a single parent. Trying to stay positive and know things will work out.

Hi everybody! I've seen similar posts about this before, but since everyone in this thread has great advice I would love to get help on this situation because it is causing me so much stress and anxiety. Sorry in advance for the long post!
I am getting married in October this year and we are in the thick of planning. Some quick background context, my parents are recently divorced (1-2 years ago but a long, complicated, hostile divorce that should have happened when I was young). I am close with my dad and his parents (my grandparents), but my mom moved 2 hours away after their divorce and most of her family on that side is either deceased or estranged (from her) so I have been less close with her in recent years, sadly.
My mom has struggled with alcohol abuse and mental health issues in the past and as I child I grew up seeing her and my dad fighting and both struggling with depression. During their divorce, my mom lived with a "friend", who pretty much supported her during that time and they recently bought a house together a couple of hours away. I have seen this "friend" of my mom's be hostile towards my father and just in general seen a lot of conflict between the three of them in recent years. Long story short, my mom HATES my dad and his family, and there is a lot of family trauma because of their relationship/divorce.
My mom has wanted to be involved in the wedding and help with what she can, she has good intentions and can be very sweet and supportive when she wants to be. But recently I told my mom that I am not inviting her "friend" to the wedding when she asked about it. She has not told me that he is her partner at any point, but regardless I do not trust him around my dad because I have seen him be confrontational in the past when trying to side with my mom. She was extremely upset that I said he is not invited nor this guys family (why would I possibly invite them?? I don't even know them..), and she called me "rude", "controlling", and just insulted me in general about it. I calmly explained my reasons including that I do not know him well at all, but I am worried that she will either guilt me and emotionally blackmail me into inviting him to come with her or that she will not come to the wedding at all. If I did end up inviting him, I know that my dad and his family will not come because of feeling uncomfortable (and borderline unsafe). Regardless of my loyalty to her (to a fault most of the time), she always thinks I side with my dad and I'm worried that standing my ground on this will look as though I am "picking" my dad between the two of them. Even if my mom did come without her "friend", I am still nervous about her being in the same room as my dad and his family...
She has completely isolated herself and is no longer in touch with her remaining family or friends since the divorce. My sibling and I have provided her and my dad so much support (financially, emotionally, logistically) for a long time and in general I have been the rock of the family and the punching bag my whole life. I am well aware of her toxic and manipulative behavior, and I want to stand up for myself on this and tell her that he is not invited. But if she does decide to come I don't want her to be alone at the wedding without any friends or much family there with her.
Does anyone have advice on this situation? Am I being rude not inviting this person/should I give the benefit of the doubt that these adults will stay separate and be respectful at my wedding? Do I invite my mom's "friend" as her plus one and tell them they are allowed to come to some of the wedding events while my dad is allowed to come to the others? I'm trying to be considerate of everyone while setting my own boundaries, but I'm worried this will have life-long effects on my mother and I's relationship (even though our up and down relationship is susceptible to that regardless of the wedding).
Thank you for the advice!!!

I played my second game of WE against sororitas last week and I started to think about what should each unit do in a functional army. Exalted Eightbound are pretty straightforward you see a tank, deep strike it's ass*, you don't see the tank anymore. Rhinos are also pretty straightforward, make your zerks run up the board fast and more importantly safe, and they also serve as a movable wall that shoots.
But then it gets a bit more complex, are zerks objective takers? If so jakhals must be holders right? And I'm clueless on what regular Eightbound do. They buff infantry, but that can't be it right? I mean they got strong melee but I the weapons look like single target but work for multiple targets as well and I don't understand if they should just run up the board as fast as they can to take out important units or just help with the objective taking. Then invocatus, do I just rock him solo and throw him in the face of whatever's in the way? Or put him with a 6man of 8b and throw him even harder?
Also is Angron just a big ass punching bag? The enemy focuses all the shooting on him so that the rest of the army isn't targeted? I mean in a matchup like WE Vs necrons, what are you supposed to do? You drop him take out a big unit and then die?
I'm just a bit confused on what some units are supposed to do on the battlefield, like should I hide them, run them up the board, use them for a specific purpose, etc.

My mom filed for divorce from my step dad (who adopted me so legally he's my dad) almost 3 years ago because they just drifted apart. My dad also did some petty things to her in the marriage and prioritized hanging out with his guy friends to the point where he went on multiple guys trips per year without her leaving almost no time off to ever travel with her. She'd end up traveling alone or with her friends. I'm unsure if my mom was totally innocent in their drifting apart, but it's hard for me to judge because I've only heard her side. My dad won't speak on it to me.
Ffwd the divorce has been final for two years. My dad has gone little to no contact with her but she insists on them being friends. Some people from the friend group give my mom the cold shoulder and it really bothers her. According to her, my dad still does petty things to her to try to get at her, and has asked me to step in multiple times, and I reluctantly did. I really don't know who's in the wrong in these spats and don't care to know. I just want to be left out of it.
Now, years later, every time I talk to my mom she always slides in a dig at him, at who he's dating, or gossips about someone from the friend group who is cold to her. No matter what, the conversation will devolve into a stream of my mom's negative thoughts. I finally told her if something big happens I'd of course support her but l'm sick of basically being her emotional punching bag. She didn't take this well and called me ungrateful and that I'm not supporting her. So, AlTA for withdrawing my support?

I have a hard time making friends and talking to people In general and reason for that is ever since I was 9 I was beating,not fed or just thrown into a basement with nothing but a small cover. Even if I didn't know wrong this has made me fear people. When I did get out of that situation I started living with my grandmother I thought everything would do better but the person come back and my life was a living hell again. Because of that person we lost everything I had to live in a hotel room with them for 4 more years everyday I could do is just listen to him and my mother argue day in and day out. school was the only way I could get away from it all but then covid hit and I was stuck in the room as him. I had given up I thought was going to have to be this person. Punching bag forever but we moved in with someone else without him I thought I could be happy. But everytime someone I don't know tries to just chat was me I have a panic attack. I can't really even go in a basement without hyperventilating and I don't know what to do

Previous Part
At some Point Bianca and I both fell back asleep. It was all I could do at this point, getting whisked away back to those mines seemed inevitable so I might as well sleep. The morning did not go well, largely due to Bianca, who threw me off the couch with a scream when she woke up.
“What’re you doing!”
Bianca squeaked, hand darting towards her pants pocket where her dagger would usually be. I woke up very quickly somewhere between the couch and the floor. I was fully awake by the time I was pushing myself back to me feet, raising my hands in a gesture of surrender.
“What’s going on?! You’re fine you just fell asleep on my couch!”
“Why were you… why was I?”
“Hey, calm down alright. We had a few drinks last night and I guess we both fell asleep on the couch together, that’s all that happened.”
I explained, leaving out the part where she pulled me back when I tried to go to my own room earlier.
“Yeah… yeah ok. Ugh my head is killing me.”
Bianca groaned, taking a breath or two then putting her head in her hands. I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was probably hungover so I just went to the kitchen to make something for her.
I decided on toast and some bananas, it was always a go to for me after a long night. In hindsight I probably should’ve seen her reaction coming. Look at what she did in the caves because that guy grabbed her, it can’t be that much better waking up on someones shoulder and not quite remembering it. The whole thing did give me second thoughts though. If she was such a live wire did I really want her stressing out over the trials and whatever that would bring? I suppose it was too late for that though, she’d already moved herself into my house so she could keep watch, for all the good that did seeing as Shaoni waltzed right in last night.
I still had a lot on my mind when the smell of burning toast sobered me up. I swore and ran over to salvage what I could of the blackening toast.
“What’s burning in here?”
Bianca asked a little worry creeping into her voice. She still had her head clasped firmly between her hands as she walked into the kitchen.
“Breakfast”
I replied flatly, holding my arms out to either side gesturing to the mild chaos I was causing. Bianca gave me an questioning, “thanks” and grabbed the plate I had made for her while I tried to think of what to do next. Like it or not, Shaoni had people coming to pick me up and take me back out to those caves today. I had to come up with some kind of game plan and right now, it seemed letting Frank and Stein know was the best idea.
Bianca stayed back at my place nursing her hangover when I left to visit the mad scientist duo. I had no problem with that, in fact it was probably best because I’m sure she would’ve insisted on going with me if she heard I planed to take Shaoni’s “invitation”. I wasn’t sure if Shaoni would let me take Bianca with me and personally I’d rather not push her buttons and try to negotiate bringing a plus one.
“Have you seen Bianca at all?”
Frank asked hurriedly as I came in. I was afraid of this, She hadn’t told them anything and just disappeared.
“Yeah, she pretty much moved the contents of her room to my couch yesterday. Something about keeping an eye on me, she’s fine though, I wouldn’t worry.”
I answered, a little worried myself that I’d catch hell from them if they knew she was currently working her way through her first hangover on that same couch. Frank seemed to calm down at that and finally got to asking the important questions like why was I back in the house… again.
“So let us get this straight, you just plan to go right to Shaoni?”
Frank and Stein said together in disbelief as the three of us sat at the kitchen table.
“It’s not like I really have a choice in the matter, besides I can’t really fight her if she wants me to go somewhere. If I try a stunt like that things go from bad to worse for me.”
They both shook their heads in solemn agreement, recognizing I was right.
“Anyways, I had a thought on the way over here, Thunderbirds are something from native American legend right? Well, if we’ve found a real one wouldn’t she have ties to a tribe or something in the area? She was sleeping here when they woke her up in the mine, maybe there was a reason for that, maybe she was close to home?”
I explained, hoping g they’d catch on to what I was asking.
“What exactly are you getting at then Keith?”
Frank questioned, furrowing his brow with an intrigued look on his face. Stein just remained silent but I could tell he was thinking, maybe even coming to the same conclusion as I had.
“What I’m thinking, is we check reservations in the area. Maybe they know something about the creature from their legends that just so happened to be sleeping nearby. I know it’s a stretch but maybe we could learn something useful. I’d go myself but I’m not going to have the chance. You guys though, you guys could take Bianca and Rocco with you and ask around.”
I explained, hoping I was onto something. I was pulling at straws but it was the best idea I had at a moments notice. Plus it would get Bianca out of town for a little while when I was figuring out what exactly Shaoni’s trails would mean for me.
“Keith that’s… no that actually makes sense let me check some maps.”
Stein agreed, walking away and into the basement. He came back a few minutes later with a map in his hand.
“There’s a Seneca reservation not to far from here, maybe 30 miles. That’s not the only one but I have a friend there from years ago, someone I helped. There’s a good chance he’d be willing to return the favor.”
“Great, then I’ll count on you. I’ll let Bianca know, I’m sure she won’t be happy about it but I’ll feel better if she’s with all of you.”
I walked out in a rush to get back home, almost stepping on Rocco on my way to the door. He made a frightening chittering hissing sound at me as he leapt out of my path. I briefly wondered where he was going and what he was up to, probably better I didn’t know though. As I got onto the bike and headed back towards home I hoped I’d be able to talk Bianca into going along with this plan. I was sure she’d rather come with me but after this morning I wasn’t sure she was ready for that. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure she wants to help and I know she means well but she’s jumpy and snaps at the littlest things. I didn’t want her to make things worse by accident or get hurt because she froze up again. My mind was made up as I drew nearer to my house but as it turned out I’d never have the chance to talk to Bianca. As soon as I rounded the corner I saw the rusty pick up waiting in front of my house, I’d arrived just in time to meet Shaoni’s “helpers”.
The men looked normal, just like the people in the cave. Come to think of it they could very well be those same people. I waved them over as I came to a stop in-front of the house.
“Can I just go in and grab a few things?”
I asked the three men sheepishly as I walked up.
“No, your late as it is, we’ve got to get going.”
A scruffy looking man with a gruff voice said from the drivers seat. Two men got out from the back of the truck and grabbed my arms, pulling me into the back seat. They weren’t rough with me but they were very firm. Like they wanted to hurt me but were ordered not to so they just made a show of force. After I was loaded into the back I saw the reason for their demeanor. One of the men, the one in the front passenger seat, was wrapped in bandages. The bandages covered his abdomen and snaked up around the back of his neck. It was pretty obvious to me that this was the man Bianca had stabbed. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say these four were probably the same ones we had encountered in the cave. As I turned and looked out the window I saw Bianca’s face peaking out of it. She looked angry and scared, like she knew exactly what was happening but she didn’t move. Bianca just sat there, watching me be taken away and I cursed myself for not being just a little bit faster on the ride back.
We took a way out of town I’d never seen before, turning away from the road leading to the dirt path we had biked down on our expedition into the forest. Instead we drove back through town, past Bianca’s house and the Eagle’s Roost before hanging a right onto a road I’d never been down. Eventually the road made its way into the forest and ended at a wooden sign warning that the road was impassable ahead. The driver stopped the truck and got out as another man emerged from the woods, holding up his hand and opening it to reveal the eagle tattoo I’d become so familiar with. The driver rolled up his sleeve and showed his own similar tattoo. Without a word he got back into the truck and the other man moved the sign off the road. It didn’t fill me with confidence to see the entrance to this place watched in such a way. It would make sense to have it hidden but being so brazenly out in the open meant they didn't really care who saw it. Not that anyone would think anything other than that the road was impassable but still. The truck eventually pulled off the road and into the woods, following a newly made track that lead to the entrance of the old mine that we escaped from just 2 days ago.
“I think you know your way in.”
The driver growled at me, parking the truck and signaling me to step out.
“Your just letting me walk myself in? Couldn’t I just run?”
“You could but do you think you could outrun her?”
He asked threateningly, pointing up at the sky. I knew exactly who he was talking about and no, I didn’t like my chances of running from Shaoni.
“She gave us all orders to leave any runners to her.”
At that moment I decided it may be good idea to be on my best behavior.
“Yeah that’s what I thought.”
The driver barked back at me as I obediently walked towards the entrance.
Walking into the mine I realized it had undergone a huge transformation in a very short time. The walls were now host to several torches that lit the pathway back down to the coliseum. It felt like I was walking into the dark ages as I made my way down into this pit by torchlight. Although I had to admit it was homey in an “evil layer” kind off way. The coliseum was lit up with torchlight as well but its not what drew my attention. Where the awful metal structure met the stone roof of the cave I looked into a brewing storm. Lightning flashed across the roof but there was no sound of thunder. Raindrops shown in the shadows cast by the lightning but I felt none of them on my skin. I had to admit, it was a pretty impressive trick. Paintings adorned the walls, all of them seeming to be tribal in nature. Many seemed to be various depictions of the thunderbird.
“Well at least she doesn’t have an ego”
I chuckled to myself as I walked into the center off the coliseum.
There were four other people waiting in the center of the floor. A clean shaven, well dressed man relaxed against the wall of the arena. He had perfectly trimmed slicked back blonde hair and a chiseled face. His rippling muscles seemed to be for vanity rather than strength. Just by looking at him I could tell I wasn’t going to like him. The only one of the bunch I knew, Robert, stood on the far side of the coliseum, watching me approach. He looked about the same as he had from the brief glance I got at the Eagle’s Roost. Balding white hair and a unkempt beard hung off his sagging face. Despite his age he carried himself with purpose, like he deserved to be there and wanted everyone else to know it. Then there was the blonde bombshell that was making her way towards the chiseled blonde guy. She seemed incredibly confident in herself but none of it was a show. Her confidence came from a place that made her absolutely sure of it. The final person stood in the corner and seemed to be talking to himself. He was a middle aged man of native American descent with a mess of black hair atop his head. He carried a look in his eyes that spoke of wisdom beyond his years.
I walked past all of them and took a seat on the floor, trying my hardest to ignore them. The effort was ultimately wasted as the muscular blonde guy walked over and held out a hand.
“Hey, my names Brooke, you are?”
My blood turned to ice as he said that, it couldn’t be the same Brooke Bianca told me about, could it? I stared dumbly at him for a moment before I responded.
“I’m… uh… Keith. Any idea what we’re doing here?”
“No clue, only know that the thunderbird wanted us here so we came. Hopefully she makes good on her promise, to me at least.”
His voice sounded like the “to cool for you” bully from any 80’s movie, it was almost annoying to listen to him.
“So you’ve met everyone else I take it?”
“Yeah, the weird guy in the corner is John, we don’t know much about him but apparently him and that Robert guy, the old one with the beard, worked for the thunderbird. Katrina, that beauty over there is a wild card, no-one seems to know anything about her but she looks like she’s hot shit and well, just plain hot.”
As Brooke gave me the run down of everyone in the room I quietly wondered to myself if Shaoni had given everyone the same offer as me. The way Brooke had said it, “promise”… that wasn’t how I would’ve phrased it. Maybe Shaoni cut everyone here a unique deal.
“…Anyways, I’m gonna go see if I can’t figure out that bombshell’s deal, I’ll see ya later Keith.”
Apparently Brooke had been talking to me the whole time but I only tuned in for the tail end of it as he walked off toward Katrina. I wondered where exactly Shaoni was, I had expected her to be here already but, as it turned out I wouldn’t have to wait long.
A thunderous boom cracked out above our heads and we all looked up at once, but the sound was coming from outside. I heard the flap of wings as Shaoni came in for a landing somewhere above our heads. It went so silent we could’ve heard a mosquito cough, then Shaoni stepped into the room. Not from either entrance but from a balcony above us I hadn’t seen before. She was wearing the same thing she had been when I ran into her in the cave, once again looking like a hardened, tattooed Pocahontas.
“Welcome everyone! I take it you’ve gotten to know each other?”
She thundered down to us as we all shot to attention.
“I’ve gathered you here to give a gift to one of you, but you must prove yourselves deserving. I’ve told some of you what I intended to do here and others may be hearing it for the first time. So for those of you who are gathering here for the first time pay attention. There will be three trials held here, one to test your morals, one to test your strength, and one to test your judgement.”
At this point Brooke spoke up in the way only a spoiled little shit like him could.
“You made me a promise! You never said anything about trials! I got all the way out here to this shitty little backwater and now your telling me I’ve got to compete to earn what you owe me?! Sorry, but I’m going to need more than that.”
Shaoni looked like she could’ve ended him right there. She was the judge and jury here, if Brooke wasn’t careful she’d become the executioner too.
“What you asked me for is in this town, that’s all I will say on the matter.”
Shaoni responded with less venom than I had expected judging by her expression. She didn’t actually seem to care that she had to tell him something to shut him up. It was the insult of being interrupted that struck a nerve. I was a little concerned by what she said, if he was looking for something that was in town and Bianca was there… could he be looking for her? “…Today though, just enjoy the company of one another. You’re all welcome to stay here at the camp I’ve had prepared for you outside. If you wish to return to town you may but you will be watched. No-one is to leave town until the trials are completed.”
Shaoni finished, I hadn’t really been listening to her welcome speech. She said everything I cared about when she told us what the trials where going to test for, after that I kind of tuned out. Shaoni disappeared in a flash, just like she had back at my house the day before and with that the five of us were alone again. I left, heading back outside to see this camp she mentioned. The others talked with each other but I really had no desire to. That didn’t stop Robert from running to catch up with me, wheezing when he got there.
“Hey you’re the one who ran out of the bar the other night! She’s said a lot about you, I’d almost think she had a favorite.”
Robert huffed out between breaths, punching me in the arm in a friendly but wholly unwelcome way.
“I’ve heard you know nothing about the supernatural, I’d be happy to tell you what I’ve seen working with Shaoni.”
Robert offered, fishing for any reason to hold a conversation with me.
“No, that’s alright really, I’ll manage. What do you guys do anyways, working for her I mean? I get the sense she could really run this whole operation on her own if she wanted.”
“She probably could do this alone. Most of the time we don’t work directly with her, this is a special case for those of us she’s got helping with the trials. There’s maybe 50 of us total and not just here, I mean 50 of us overall. She’s very selective with the followers she keeps so there isn’t many of us. We tend to sit around up-holding her ideals till she asks something of us through dreams, like the ones that brought you here.”
Robert explained, confusing me a little bit. I found it hard to believe a crew of 50 people got everything here done. I guess it wasn’t to outlandish when put in perspective though. If you told me Shaoni got all this done herself I probably would’ve believed you so 50 people organized by her, yeah I could see that.
“Wait, so you guys barley ever actually work with her, and what are her ideals exactly?”
“Have you heard the legends of the thunderbird? A lot of it depicts the thunderbird as a spirit of justice that fights evil spirits from the underworld, that’s really watered down but you get the point. I’ve never seen her do anything like that but she does uphold a certain sense of justice and that’s what she expects of us. Sure, she seems really intimidating but she wants to right wrongs that no one else will, it makes her a little harsh but she has to be. We just do that same thing when we aren’t getting orders right from her. Maybe you think she’s in the wrong here because she pulled you into this but we really want to help, sometimes there’s a price for that.”
Robert lectured, you could tell he really believed in what he was saying though. He may have been older but when he was telling me about the thunderbird and what she stood for he was filled with vigor again. Maybe he’s not as bad as I thought, I wanted all these people working for her to be some kind of weird cult like in Imalone. The more I heard the more I doubted that. They were people who followed her for a reason, not just because she gave them some kind of power. In reality I think what she really gave them was purpose. That sort of thing is more than enough for most people to follow someone.
When I broke away from Robert and got outside I found a huge camp had been set up while we were in the cave. Tepees of various sizes had been constructed all around the entrance to the old mine and one big canvas tent had a huge table running through it filled with food. For 50 people these followers of the thunderbird sure worked fast. I hadn’t decided if I wanted to go back to town yet. I hoped Frank and Stein had convinced Bianca to go with them, at least then they could get some answers while I was stuck here. If they were gone though what reason did I have to go back? As long as I was out here surrounded by people who work with Shaoni maybe I could get some answers of my own. I wasn’t really sure what information about Shaoni would do for us but she was a mystery to me. Everyone was here for a reason, I agreed to take on a burden, Brooke was here because of some promise Shaoni made, and I’m sure the rest had similar stories. Shaoni gained nothing from any of that though, besides this burden I had agreed to take. I’m not sure why, but it felt like figuring out what She stood to gain from this was important. If I could do that maybe I could put the pieces to this puzzle together. Two people had pointed out I knew nothing about the supernatural as well, Shaoni and Robert. That didn’t seem to matter to much to me but if all the others here had some experience in it maybe it should. It seemed like we were all on a level playing field though, Brooke hadn’t heard about the trials and neither had I. Robert and that strange John guy probably had some idea but they worked with Shaoni, I would expect them to know. Katrina, the blonde was probably just as surprised as Brooke, if I had to guess. None of us knew exactly what the trials would test for, so why did everyone keep brining up not knowing about the supernatural like it put me at a disadvantage?
“Why indeed.”
A familiar voice said, sending lightning through my veins and breaking my train of thought. I just about tossed the turkey leg I’d been eating directly at the source of the noise.
“Shaoni, you have got to stop doing that.”
I said, crawling back into my skin after she scared me out of it. Shaoni still looked just as she had when she addressed us earlier, adorned in her animal skins and feathers. It took me a second but it finally clicked that she had said something strange when she sat down next to me.
“Hang on a minute, can you read my mind? Was I thinking out loud or something?”
“No, you just looked lost in thought and I figured I’d chime in.”
“Oh, alright… why?”
I squeaked out, abruptly realizing that this was Shaoni, the thunderbird who was sitting next to me. There was a second there where I wasn’t as intimidated by her as I normally was but it had passed quickly.
“I wanted to know how your doing, I know all this can’t be easy to take in.”
“I’m doing fine, I think I’m adjusting pretty well but I did want to ask you some questions.”
An amused look ran across Shaoni’s face at this. She wasn’t being as commanding as before either, she almost seemed to genuinely care about my well-being.
“Would you walk with me, I’ll answer your questions on the way.”
Shaoni asked, standing and waiting for me to follow her. Not seeing any better options I stood up and left alongside her.
We walked around the perimeter of the camp, out of ear shot of anyone else. I’m sure she did that on purpose, though I wasn’t sure if it was so no-one could hear my screams if I asked a question she didn’t like or if she just wanted privacy.
“Why me Shaoni? Why chose me out of everyone, was it just a coincidence?”
“Straight to the point hmm. Think Keith, when I found you in the position you were in you needed my help. Sure, I planned to dispose of the cultists that were threatening you anyways but I stopped to help you. You saw me descend from the sky, swoop down, and bring them to their knees, I extended an offer to you and you just took it. You didn’t bargain or ask for anything more after I shattered your perception of what does and doesn’t exist, just accepted my offer. Most people would have bargained, tried to look for a better deal for themselves but you saw what the price of my help would be and paid it, no second thoughts. That interested me Keith, you recognized what had to be done and didn’t try to avoid the cost, that’s why I chose you.”
“So I appealed to whatever sense of justice you have? That’s it, that’s the only reason?”
She looked almost hurt as I asked this and she stopped walking. I definitely stepped on a nerve, I expected her to snap but she didn’t, She just asked very quietly,
“Do you think I’m a monster Keith?”
I was stunned by the question. Could I really say she was a monster? What had she done so far? Save me, that’s what, was that really so monstrous? Sure it may have come at a cost but nothing is ever free. Shaoni even came to warn me about the trials ahead of time, just barely ahead of time but it was something.
“No Shaoni, you’re not a monster just… someone with the powers you have… it’s terrifying for a normal person. Can you really say I’m in the wrong for being afraid of you?”
Even as I said it I knew it was a lie, at least partially. I wasn’t just afraid of her, I wanted her to be evil and she just wasn’t, not really. Maybe she was a bit intense but everything she had done to me so far couldn’t be called evil.
“Fear is only natural when you see something like me, but I’m not a monster. The thunderbird has always stood for justice. That’s what I represent, I can’t be everywhere but I make it a point to uphold justice where I am. Those who I’ve chosen to follow me hold my justice in their own town, in their own lives. I can be harsh but I am just.”
She said this with such intensity I had no choice but to believe her. Her conviction to justice was zealous but I still wanted to pry a little bit more.
“So what does justice mean to you then? I don’t mean to be disrespectful but I want to hear it from you,”
I asked, growing a little more confident in talking to Shaoni. For once I didn’t feel like she would kill me on a whim. Give her a reason, and Shaoni would do it without a second thought but I don’t think she cared that much about my questioning.
“Justice is black and white, right and wrong. Normally there’s a pretty good system in place to punish those that deserve it but sometimes things slip through the cracks, that’s where I come in. I take care of the heinous acts people get away with, people that think they’ve gotten away with murder, so to speak.”
“So your a vigilante then? That’s what I’m hearing here.”
“I wouldn’t be so crass but yes, I suppose you could call me a vigilante but I promise you that’s an oversimplification. Suffice it to say my opinion on matters of serving justice is respected.”
Shaoni seemed a little uncomfortable at the word “respect”, I think a better word would’ve been “feared”. I wasn’t going to say it to her but I knew she suspected it. I could see something about that really hurt her. I couldn’t put my finger on it, the reason Shaoni didn’t want to be feared. Despite being the scariest thing I’d seen so far she didn’t want to be known for that.
We talked for a while longer about a whole lot of nothing. Eventually we got back around to the camp and she bid me goodnight despite the fact it was 3 in the afternoon at the time. She was probably right though, I was going to need the rest if I wanted to be ready for the first trial tomorrow. I found my way to a tepee conveniently marked with my name. I didn’t remember it being marked before and I didn’t understand the point of giving us specific tepees, privacy I guess? The fur sleeping bag was a rustic but welcome touch and despite lacking the amenities of a usual home the tepee was quite comfortable. As I settled in for the night I heard a rustling on the far side of the tepee, then a voice, one whose heavy accent I recognized immediately.
“So, turns out they don’t check under the truck. Ya got me here with you now.”
Rocco said, emerging from a blanket in the corner. That revelation didn’t exactly set my mind at ease. Rocco must’ve sensed my apprehension to the fact that he was anywhere near me right now.
“What?! I’m here to help out! I heard you going on about a trial or somethin’ so I figured I’d tag along under that truck when they picked you up, can’t have enough back up ya know.”
He continued, pulling a belt with several tools out from under the blanket as he spoke. I wasn’t pleased to have him here but maybe I could make use of him.
“I was hoping you’d go with Bianca and the other two but honestly, it might be nice to have a friendly face around here. Just… try to stay out of trouble.”
“Trouble? When do I ever get into trouble?”
I hoped he was being sarcastic, you can never tell with him. I bit my tongue as Rocco walked out into the camp, silently praying no-one would see him. With that I settled into my sleeping bag and tried to think of what I could expect from the first trial tomorrow.

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