I own a 2014 Mazda 3 hatchback, it’s got 116,000kms (72,000 miles).
The check engine light turned on about 6 weeks ago. It stayed on for a week, then turned off for a month, then turned back on for 2 weeks.
I borrowed a friend’s code reader and got a P0304 code, 4th cylinder misfire.
Took it in to the dealer and they said I need a new fuel injector, which they quoted me $1200 CAD for. They also “highly recommended” an intake valve cleaning for another $700. Apparently they took the valve out and it was soaked in fuel. I’ve been warned to drive as little as possible because “raw fuel is getting into the engine and it could affect my cataclytic converter”.
I called another shop for a quote to compare, and they said they could replace all four fuel injectors (the mechanic said once one goes, it’s generally good to replace all four) and do the cleaning for $1200.
Am I being taken to the cleaners? Has anyone else had to deal with this on a 2014 model or around that mileage?

Young Avengers film formed by Kamala Khan & Lead by Kate Bishop, will bring together the Young Avengers via Quantum Entanglement.
First seen in The Marvels, where they are Entangled by thier light based powers. connection to Kree based teleportation devices such as the Bangles and the Infinity Stones themselves. Quantum entanglement key element is transportation. Transportation will be the key to the Film, as it is a theme of the Multiverse Saga in general.
The Movie will see Kamala once again being in an entanglement scenario, where a Time traveling Nathinel Richards arrives in Kate’s Pad and warns the teens about Kang’s invasion onto the multiverse. As he was searching for the Avengers in other timelines, but his Armors Temporal pad malfunction after a Kang Fight and lead him to Kamala & Kate’s timeline.
Ironlad is also a teenager, but feels like Kamala isn’t ready for the responsibilities to help save his world. Ironlad attempts to time jump to another universe but actually transports Kamala and Kate to San Francisco in the same timeline. In need to fix his temp pad, he asks where is Tony Stark. Kamala informs him that he died in Endgame. Kate tells him that her parents own a Security company and both of thier partners are Avengers. The girls reach for thier phones, but they left them back in New York. Kamala goes asking people to borrow thier iPhones so she can call Carol Danvers. But Hawkeye and Carol don’t answer. Kate tells them they can try to go find Scott Kang. IronLad is arrogant and doesn’t need the kids help to find a hero, Kamala grabs him before he can fly off. To test thier power he begins a fight with them in the middle of the city.
Kate quickly hits him with a emp arrow, but IronLad advanced armor reboots itself. Kamala uses her newly improved Embiggen powers to protect civilians and stall IronLad. Kate uses several trick arrows in coordination with Kamala and they manage to remove his helmet. (The actor that played Harley Keener Ironman 3) reveals his face, and stops fighting once Antman intervenes. Kate, Kamala, & Cassie meet for the first time at Scott Kang’s lab as they interrogate Ironlad about the validity to his warnings about Kang.
Scott is traumatized that he didn’t actually defeat Kang, and tells the kids that he will buy them a flight back home and to let the adults handle this situation. Kamala ask Cassie what’s it like to have a superhero dad. Even tho her’s is human, Kamala thinks her family is as much of heroes as the Avengers. Cassie & Kate realize their favorite color is purple. Ironlad gets bored of the bonding, and doesn’t think Antman is up to the challenge of helping him. He begins to start his temp pad, but realizes that high quantum frequencies are being detected by his armor. Ironlad demands Scott use his science to help rebuild his pad. For Quantum is the basis to his tech as well. Antman tries to reason with him, but ironlad describes the eradication on his world. Antman and Ironlad begin to fight for access to the basement of his home. Cassie and Scott shrink, while Kamala & Kate try to fight and reason with him. The team crashes into the basement, where ironlad races to the focal point of quantum in the room. Picking up the device that sent the Pym family into the Quantum realm in Quantumania. Ironlad’s nanotech absorbs the device and the temp pad starts to activate. Scott gets serious and starts to enlarge, but Ironlad blasts him back upstairs. The kids all shift and are transported to Westview New Jersey.
They all start having a screaming match, as Cassie is furious that he shot her dad. Kamala tries to calm the team down, but it’s Kate Bishop who makes everyone shut up with a puzzle arrow. This arrow expand an entire acre of land with Purple lasers. She explains it’s a game, that you have to work together or you’ll burn. Cassie laughs and shrinks, ironlad armor is tough enough to not be phased, Kamala has to actually maneuver around to escape the maze of lasers. Kate shows her reflexes and experience by doing flips and evading the laser beams.They all laugh realizing Cassie and Ironlad cheat. As tension dwindles, ironlad explains why he is so serious. That in his future he is a genius prodigy, and learn about the existence of the multiverse in a dream as a kid. Then a week ago Kang invaded his world and eradicated a majority of human life, and took away knowledge and education rights to the slaves of his world. The teens tell thier experience during the blip and how it took away thier own youth, and that’s why the Avengers are an important symbol of hope for them. Kamala starts to fangirl about Carol, Hawkeye, and Ironman… but is stop by Agatha.
Agatha says she saw the kids in her crystal ball, and is aware of the Kang Situation. Using magic to transport them into her suburban home. IronLad is confused why a witch is helping them. Cassie & Kate both keep thier guards up, but hear her out. Agatha tells them that they are on a children’s Crusade, but she can help them all get back home. Ironlad interjects, he needs heros that are competent and ready for war. Agatha uses magic to upgrade thier outfit, then tells them her step son should be home from school soon. Ironlad is tired of waiting as the girls continue to bond and learn more about their abilities. He doubts Billy/Wiccan is as powerful as Agatha claims, and ask why won’t she just use her magic to fight Kang. Agatha says that’s not her role. Billy enters awkwardly, wondering why all these teens are in his house. Kamala ask just how powerful is he, and he simply says he can do whatever he wants.
IronLad test him, and fires a rocket. Wiccan makes it turn into a headband. Picking it up and wearing it, he repeats he can do whatever he wants. Agatha, ask what exactly is Ironlads plan to stop Kang since his Quantum enhanced temp pad can teleport but still can’t take him home. Ironlad says he just needs more power, and rushes Wiccan. Sending his armor to liquidity and consume the sorcerer. Wiccan force pushes back and as they struggle for control, the temp pad activates and sends the group to a new Location; Kahmer Tajh.
Agatha makes fun of the monastery architecture and compares it to her home. Only Kamala & Agatha know this is the home of the sorcerer supreme. Wiccan and Ironlad argue over the consent of letting him suck his energy. And the girls grow more wary of how much they can trust ironlad. Agatha tells them they can find power in teamwork, and disappears into the castle. Kate & Kamala breaks the team into groups. To find Wong or other sorcerers that can help thier fight against the Kang invasion. Wiccan follow where Agatha went. Kate & Cassie search the for more weapons and gear. Kamala and ironlad find Wong & America Chavez.
The 2nd half of the movie has the group coming to face thier teenage fears, as the castle has a horror hex. Ironlad is too afraid to time jump, as memories from his home being overran by Kang haunts him. Wiccan and Agatha are immune to castles spells, as they are magical in tune, however they can’t use thier magic to its fullest extent due to the runes places around the Thaj that prohibits forbidden spells. Wong meets Kamala and tells the young avengers that he didn’t put the horror hex on. There is a Skrull sorcerer in the castle doing this. Kate finds an Asgardian bow and arrows, and takes it for “emergency”. Cassie tells her she is a criminal too, and jokes she spent a day in Jail. Ironlad finds the skrull sorcerer, under stress from the truama spell he is getting beat in the fight. But Wiccan arrives and they team up to defeat him. With a massive display of science meets magic, the young avengers put thier animosity behind them and regroup with Kamala and Wong. Wong is then impaled by a spear by Agatha. Wong’s skin turns Green and it’s revealed he is a skrull too.
America Chavez is distraught, and prepares to fight all the young avengers as she don’t know who to trust. Kamala relates to her humanity, and proves she is just a kid too. She tells her to help them fight off the other skrulls that may be in the castle. Agatha and Wiccan use thier magic sight to determine who is a skrull and who is a real sorcerer. The young Avengers fight off the skrulls, and learn America Chavez can travel the multiverse freely. IronLad sends his armor around her, but she punches and the star impact sends them to Baltimore, USA. The result sends all the hero’s and the Skrulls they were fighting as well.
Inside the Bradley home, Eli is playing video games when the hero’s instantly appear in his house. This sequence is shot from his perspective, as if it’s a home invasion. He runs for his granfathers room, to get his gun. But the safe is only full of a vials of Serum. A skrull breaks into the room and swings an axe at him. He ducks, and drinks the serum. Assuming it was hulk serum he read online; it was actually his grandfather’s other super soldier serum. He punches the Skrull so hard that his guts explode. Eli runs into the living room ready to box, but see’s the young avengers beating up the Skrulls. Shrugging his shoulders he jumps in and helps.
The team see’s how Brutal he fights and Ironlad likes him. Kamala says they can’t just recruit every teen they see, but looks closer and realizes she seen him on tv. He is the grandson of the first black super soldier, revealed in Captain America Brave new world where they were wrongfully accused of a terrorist attack at the White House. He explains that he has actually been taking his grandfather’s serum and synthesizing it for a hormone steroid supplement. But today he drank the original source out of fear for his life. Making him 10x stronger than he has ever been on the drug. Agatha has a funny don’t don’t drugs PSA, as the kids formulate a way on how to repay Eli for his housing damages. We learn his grandfather is still on trail, and he lives alone. Kate gets everyon back on focus and tells them maybe they can’t help ironlad. They have destroyed homes & Castles today and she needs to get back home to feed her dog Lucky. Kate makes a PowerPoint presentation on how to get ironlad out of their lives, and get Captain Marvel. Ironlad becomes more interested in Carol after Kamala keeps hyping her up to be the strongest avenger of all. Wiccan & Agatha use magic to fix the house as the hero’s finally contact Fury and the whereabouts of Captain Marvel. Fury asks why the hell didn’t she just call him to begin with. Kamala didn’t want to get in trouble for stealing the intel about all these characters
The final act has Kamala & Kate using each hero’s best quality to get Ironlad back to his world, and deflate the Kang dictator in his timeline. Kamala nicknames them Team Red & Team Blue after Captain America & Ironman and Team Purple after Hawkeye since he Don’t get much love.
Team Red; Ms. Marvel, America Team Blue; Wiccan, Eli, Team Purple; Kate Bishop, Cassie, Agatha
America Chavez punches 2 Star portals, one to ironlads homeworld and another to the location fury tells them Carol is. They all wear a harness rope that Kate gives them so they don’t get lost in the multiverse jump. America isn’t sure she can send so may people at once into a diffrent timeline, but Cassie uses her quantum shrinking disk and ironlad’s tech to help keep them from all turning fall off and turning into spaghetti. While they are preparing, Kamala meets Carol in a New York park and catches up. Ironlad watches them from behind the portal and says this must be what it’s like to have a true friend. Kamala tells Carol that if she keeps asking her for support then she wouldn’t be a hero. Carol gives her the 2nd Bangel and tells her just let her know if she needs backup. Ironlad is still hesitant that going into the fight against Kang with a bangel isn’t gonna do much. Kamala tells them she isn’t a normal human, she is inhuman.
And the team all suit up as the prepare to hum into the Star. IronLad suddenly laughs and fires her rockets around the building. Knocking out America and collapsing the roof, and shoves Kamala into the future with him.
It’s assume all the young avengers and Agatha are crushed under debris. The perspective changes to Eli who has to save all the hero’s bleeding out or stuck. Eli saves them By bear crawling and dragging them out of the fires. America uses her last strength to send the heros into the future
Kamala fights IronLad alone in a future hala. Ironlad reveals that he is the Kang variant, and his master plan was to go to a past timeline where both bangles existed. These weapons of mass destruction are his way of fighting off other Kang’s tryin to conquer his conquered timeline, following the events of Loki. Due the branching timelines, not even the tva knew he was a variant of Kang since his biological DNA is that of a Reed Richards. Kamala is losing the fight, as Ironlad has one of the bangles and can temporarily stop time. He continues to toy with Kamala and steals her other bangle. Mocking her for playing hero, he kicks her off a platform and into a pit of terrain crystals. Kamala uses the last of her will to let out a furry of punches, cracking the crystals around her and filling the battlefield with mist. Kamala goes through terrgenises, turning into stone. Ironlad fires a missle at her, but ironlad blocks it with a shield formed by Wiccan
Kate Bishop arrives saying Young Avengers Assemble, all the Young Avngers exit America portal. Kate then says that ones for Kamala, and Cassie grows and begins the final fight. The team hold off the firepower of ironlad while Kamalas scales break off. Ironlad can combat Wiccan’s magic with the bangles, and uses time stop techniques to stay ahead of the gang. Kate shoots Cassie’s shrinking disk onto one of the bangles, crushing ironlads left arm. Wiccan uses kamala’s satchel scarf to drag ironlad like a whip. Eli uses his magic shield to block the repulsor blast, and Kate uses the Asgardian bow to pierce his Armor. Cassie uppercuts and shrinks rapidly as the team closes in to fight close quarters. Ironlad makes an energy shield then blows back them all, Kamala is awake and grabs his wrist from far away. Realizing she don’t have light energy anymore, but can stretch her body like Reed Richards. She slams him like hulk did in the original Avengers. Nathinel monoluges about how there will be more conquerors just like history. Tva agents appears, Mobius enters telling the heros thanks for fixing this slight anomaly they better return home or they will all be prune in seconds. IronLad vaporizes and the timeline is erased as the heros return home
The movie ends with Kamala having a to explain to the khan family the events of the film and who all her new friends are. They all are ready to return to thier respected homes, when fury enters and says he heard there was a secret invasion. A running joke about how fury is now last to know anything
Post credit 1: Jessica jones is taking on a private investigator case when she spots a teen couple in an alleyway. She comments that they must be runaways, she zooms in and it’s Cloak and Dagger. They teleport away
Post credit 2: on another planet the Skrull Queen is talking about the failed relations of Kree following Captain Marvel restarting the Hala Sun. The humans are no longer allies after the declaration of war against all allies the President made. She says maybe it’s time we fight back son; and the camera pans to Hulkling
The Young Avengers will return in Avenger’s Secrt Wars

I own a 2014 Mazda 3 hatchback, it’s got 116,000kms (72,000 miles).
The check engine light turned on about 6 weeks ago. It stayed on for a week, then turned off for a month, then turned back on for 2 weeks.
I borrowed a friend’s code reader and got a P0304 code, 4th cylinder misfire.
Took it in to the dealer and they said I need a new fuel injector, which they quoted me $1200 CAD for. They also “highly recommended” an intake valve cleaning for another $700. Apparently they took the valve out and it was soaked in fuel. I’ve been warned to drive as little as possible because “raw fuel is getting into the engine and it could affect my cataclytic converter”.
I called another shop for a quote to compare, and they said they could replace all four fuel injectors (the mechanic said once one goes, it’s generally good to replace all four) and do the cleaning for $1200.
Am I being taken to the cleaners? Has anyone else had to deal with this on a 2014 model or around that mileage?

Paramount: Deal Rumors Aside, What About The Operations? Can The Company Turn A Profit?
May 21, 2024 2:41 PM ET
Summary
Paramount Global remains my worst investment, but I still believe in its potential for success.
Paramount's "lack of scale" is not the reason for its underperformance as it spends about as much on content as industry leader Netflix.
Paramount's loss last year was largely the result of one-off writedowns, both domestically and internationally. These losses will not repeat going forward.
Paramount's streaming operation suffers not from lack of scale, but an abundance of overload waste, which may be alleviated under new management.
The sports slate remains best-in-class, and CBS is still the leader in broadcast scripted. CBS Television City in Los Angeles, Ca, USA. JHVEPhoto/iStock Editorial via Getty Images
Paramount Global (NASDAQ:PARA) (NASDAQ:PARAA) remains my worst investment. Let's just get that clear from the start. I said two years ago it was madness not to buy Paramount. That was wrong, wrong, wrong. The fact that I recommended against buying the new Warner Discovery at the same time, and heeding that warning saved a lot of money, makes me feel a little better, but not much.
And no, the fact that Warren Buffett made the exact same mistake as me doesn't help much, either. Mr. Buffett and I are about to part ways, anyway. He is now completely sold out of Paramount, while I am hanging in. Yes, I am still buying. Get all the ribbing out of your systems, and then read on.
Although a few rounds remain to be played in the game, it is no longer inconceivable that none of the various deal permutations that have been put forward for Paramount will pan out, and that it will continue as an independent company. Essentially, Redstone will block a deal with Apollo Global Management, Inc. (APO) and Sony Group Corporation (SONY) and the 'B' shareholders will litigate a Skydance deal to death.
Because so many Seeking Alpha articles are already offering a blow-by-blow analysis of the deal talks - and I absolutely encourage you to read them - I wanted to turn back for just a minute to a more in-depth look at Paramount's actual operations. If it stays independent, can it turn itself around?
Scale Is Not The Issue I'm angry. Usually, when an investment goes wrong, I can manage to be philosophical or even dispassionate about it. Risks of the trade, can't win 'em all, pick your maxim.
But this one is really getting to me. I'm sure part of that is simply the sheer amount of my portfolio that has suffered - I bet a lot more on Paramount than I did on my typical investment, so sure was I that it had the tools needed for success. Fortunately, some of my other media investments have worked out much, much better, or I'd really be hurting. In fact, my Netflix buy has repaired all the damage my Paramount buy has done.
Still, I'm unusually angry, partly because of the sheer amount lost. But it's also that I still don't believe there is anything wrong with Paramount, at its core. It has become quite commonplace to speak of Paramount's "lack of scale" as the reason for its apparent impending demise, or at least subsumption. But I would still argue that that isn't born out by the numbers. Paramount spent roughly $16 billion on content in 2023, the same total as 2022, when $4 billion of it was spent on streaming. That is only slightly less than Netflix, Inc. (NFLX) which leads the industry in market cap and performance, if not in spending. While the gap with other studio peers is larger, I'm not sure spending at Netflix levels equals a "lack of scale."
What's more, a lot of that extra spending by other traditional industry players like Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc. (WBD) and The Walt Disney Company (DIS) is not spending that investors should necessarily cheer. As I've explained before, Paramount's lower spending total is almost entirely accounted for by its far more profitable approach to sports rights; a lot of that extra spending that Disney and Warner are doing isn't particularly profitable or even sensible.
What then, does account for Paramount's underperformance?
Stock Performance That depends on which underperformance you're talking about. First, the stock price. Paramount cut its dividend in spring 2023. That announcement, with its Q1 earnings, was enough to cause half of the past-year decline in a single day. Paramount went from $21 to $16 with the dividend cut and was still at $16 as late as December.
Since then, the other half of the decline has reflected the increasing evidence that Paramount is more or less ready to throw in the towel, and intends to be a distressed seller to another studio or private equity firm soon. More specifically, it is actually Shari Redstone, who exercises control over Paramount through her 77.3% share of Paramount's Class A voting stock, who is ready to call it quits. The perception that she has no leverage and will be forced to accept a fire sale offer has driven the stock lower.
Operations All that, however, merely explains the stock market decline; what is the operational explanation for Paramount's troubles? The company reported a $600 million loss for full year 2023. How is it that one of the Big Five movie studios, with the most popular of the Big Four broadcast networks, the most popular show on cable (Yellowstone) and the only profitable sports slate in American television, can't make money?
Accounting Element First, we need to acknowledge that there are some accounting factors in that 2023 loss. Paramount took a "programming charge," i.e., a write-down of the value of programming assets, of roughly $2.4 billion in Q1 and Q2 last year. That is money that would ordinarily be amortized over a period of years - it's mostly streaming originals, which Paramount usually amortizes over a 4-year period - that instead saw its red ink taken all at once. Had it been amortized normally, Paramount would have reported an operating profit of roughly $1.2 billion, more or less identical to 2022, instead of reporting an operating loss of the same amount.
Still, that write-down reflects the fact that the content isn't performing well, so those losses were always going to happen, and they're quite real; the accounting change is simply a timing issue. So Paramount is operationally deficient, even if perhaps not quite as operationally deficient as this one-time write-down makes it look. We cannot dismiss Paramount's operational issues by putting them down to accounting distortions.
TV Scripted Content Difficulties Paramount did not break down the programming charge, but outside reports have about half of it owing to the integration of Showtime in Paramount+ as a single service. It's not entirely clear which side of the ledger those losses are coming from; one of the less understood things about merging services is that it potentially makes content on both sides less valuable as it is replaced by more popular content from the other side. Showtime's Q1 2023 viewership was very top-heavy, with just two shows, Yellowjackets and Your Honor constituting 30% of all viewership. Presumably, those two shows reduced the value of some Paramount+ existing content while the rest of Showtime's library may have suffered from competition with P+ content.
Regardless of the exact source, Paramount's content is not performing. That's a little surprising considering that, as I said, CBS content is actually quite popular on the linear side. In fact, in the earnings call following the annual report now-former CEO Bob Bakish reported that CBS had the top 16 scripted programs and 18 of the top 20 in the first week of post-strike broadcasts. Paramount has disclosed in the past that CBS content makes up roughly half of the viewership on Paramount+; and this is despite the fact that P+ isn't even the sole beneficiary of CBS content; roughly $600 million per quarter of Paramount's licensing revenue comes from CBS shows as well.
One possibility that I perhaps did not consider sufficiently was the chance that the unique characteristics of CBS would make it harder for that channel to transition to streaming than its other broadcast peers. CBS is the most popular of all broadcast networks, but that popularity owes disproportionately to more elderly viewers; in the demo, it is actually Comcast Corporation's (CMCSA) NBC which takes the top crown.
With elderly viewers both less appealing to advertisers and less likely to make the transition to streaming, it is perhaps not so surprising that CBS is continuing to perform well on linear but having trouble translating that to streaming.
International Shortfall The damage isn't through yet, either. Paramount disclosed that it took another $1.2 billion impairment charge on content in the first quarter. This one has to do with the international side; a few years ago Paramount commissioned 150 new, original international shows and movies to try to boost international growth. Now, Paramount reveals that even international consumers spend no less than 90% of their time streaming Hollywood content; the local originals aren't doing very much for growth or retention.
About the only good thing that can be said about this complete and utter debacle is that it is a one-off; unlike Paramount's US content spending, which is ongoing and therefore must be made more efficient if Paramount is to survive and thrive, Paramount is gradually exiting International production. In fact, to help cover the losses on its international originals it is selling its share in Viacom18, the network that formerly served as Paramount's onshore operation in India, to its partner Reliance for a little over $500 million.
Where Are The Children? Yet another factor is children's programming. While many have essentially written off Paramount's entire cable channel group, and I agree the prognosis for MTV and Comedy Central is rather grim, I have argued that Nickelodeon remains a real asset, as one of the top two children's channels in linear TV. I believed that would be a powerful subscriber acquisition tool, alongside sports, as the streaming transition continued.
It hasn't worked out. Surveys consistently show the Big 3 for parents with children are Netflix, Disney, and the third is Amazon.com, Inc. (AMZN) of all things. Neither Paramount+ nor Warner Discovery's Max make the cut, despite ownership of top children's linear platforms/libraries Nickelodeon and Looney Tunes, respectively.
The prognosis here isn't entirely grim. Paramount has reported that half of their streaming subscribers touch kids' content regularly, so clearly Nickelodeon does mean something to the subscribers. It's possible it helps with retention, even if it doesn't drive acquisition. Paramount owns the number one brand for pre-school kids, Paw Patrol.
Paramount has shut down the separate Noggin streaming service and will presumably be amplifying the kids content on P+ as a result, so perhaps this trend will yet turn around. With so many other things going wrong, though, the inability to make kids content more central to the strategy is a painful blow.
The Mismanagement Of Streaming I suspect, however, that Paramount's single biggest defect over the past few years has been the competency of its management. In a streaming world, success hinges overwhelmingly on the efficiency with which a content budget is deployed. That efficiency, in turn, requires avoiding the trap of "overload," something cable doesn't have to worry about but which can kill a streaming service.
What Is Overload? In brief, overload is when a streaming service spends money on content that appeals primarily to those subscribers who were already subscribed and intending to remain subscribed, even without that content. Because revenue does not increase with more viewership, such spending is essentially wasted money. I have been arguing for several years that some economic models of streaming profitability fail to take account of this significant element.
Paramount seems to have had a lot of overload in the last few years. Specifically, its single most broadly appealing piece of content is the NFL, which Paramount is an anchor broadcaster for. Because NFL fans are accustomed to spending upwards of $100 a month on cable just to watch the NFL - over 10% of cable subscribers say that the NFL is the only reason they're still subscribing - Paramount's $6-$12 a month fee for streaming really doesn't need anything more than NFL games to attract these 40-50 million fans.
The Earnings Jaw-Dropper And yet, it seems that's where a lot of the extra streaming money has been going. On the Q2 earnings call last year, CEO Bob Bakish, watching the stock price steadily decline, seemed to be eager to reassure he had a handle on the situation and began describing some of the changes he'd be making. It started out well enough, really; he told investors that NFL viewers churn drops dramatically if they also engage with entertainment titles, which is what you'd expect.
But then, he stunned me and I expect just about everyone listening when he said, "we probably need to do less for [the NFL viewer] in the fall, and more outside the fall because we can rely on the NFL." Compounding the almost Looking Glass-feeling, he then went on to reassure everyone he would be "fine-tuning" the content strategy to address that point in the years to come.
It was, frankly, stunning. Both me and I suspect just about every analyst who was modeling Paramount had just assumed it went without saying that of course, any entertainment content targeted at retaining NFL viewers should drop in the other half of the year when the NFL wasn't playing on TV. My own calculations of the profit margin on CBS's NFL deal had always incorporated that.
And while that was bad enough, it also raised the concern that a management team that didn't understand that going in might have put a lot of other overload in other categories as well. Suddenly, it wasn't so hard to see how the best-scripted shop with the most profitable sports contracts was having trouble making money. Double-loading for 50 million households would be a major drag on the financial performance for streaming.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel Despite all of this, I still think there are bright spots in the Paramount picture, even without a merger. Its operations, as well as its merger discussions, don't seem to lack potential.

1: My Usual Paramount Bull Argument: Sports Profits

One thing that continues to go right is sports content. A few years ago, I wrote that Paramount was a strong contender to become a sustainable streaming business because it had the only profitable sports slate in the business. The stock hasn't gone where I wanted it to go, but that is the one part of my thesis that has been definitively borne out. In fact, many now say that it is CBS's sports deals, at least as much as Paramount's film/TV studio, that the prospective buyers of Paramount are after.
I've covered these in other articles already. The March Madness deal runs until 2032 and the NFL deal runs until 2033, although the NFL has an opt out after 2029 that it will probably exercise given the utterly ludicrous bids the NBA is receiving, so the last four years of that deal might have to be chopped off the profit projections. Even so, Paramount can probably generate $1.25 billion a year in profit just off of those two deals for the next six years.
Those are probably the biggest, but it doesn't stop there. Almost every sports deal Paramount has is profitable. For all the flak management has deservedly taken, Paramount continues to show discipline and focus on sports. You won't find Paramount throwing $2.5 billion a year at the NBA's 'B' package, which is more money than the NFL gets for its 'B' package despite having 10x the viewership.
For all its many, many missteps, a Paramount that can just manage to stay afloat long enough for some of these ludicrous sports bets at other companies to blow up may yet find itself with cards to play later in the decade.

2: Recouping Write-downs Via Preferred Conversion

Another small boon has been the official conversion of the preferred shares. The Paramount mandatory convertible formerly trading under the PARAP ticker was capped at 0.85 shares per common share. Given the initial price of the convertible at $100 per share, that effectively means that a preferred share that was carrying a $100 liquidation value has just been converted into 1.1765 shares of a common stock currently trading around $12. A total value per preferred share of around $14.
And they sold for $1 billion, so that's basically $860 million back into the common equity that management was able to get at the peak of the boom. That actually repairs almost all of the red ink from Paramount's doomed international originals push on its own.

3: An End To Streaming Waste

Finally, a lot of the waste in streaming may soon be ending. Bob Bakish was finally fired a few weeks ago, and while I never want someone to lose their job, he frankly had looked overmatched for a while. Bakish was a lifetime cable executive who seemed to be having trouble making the transition to a streaming-world mindset. Frankly, if I knew about it in 2021, the CEO has no business fine-tuning it into the strategy in 2023.
With international originals no longer draining the coffers and overloaded entertainment programming shifted to months of the calendar where it can be more productive, streaming may yet turn the corner.
Investment Summary I recognize fully that each fall in Paramount stock makes my bullish optimism seem ever more out of step. I do believe, however, that Paramount's failures are more failures of execution than lack of scale or structural disadvantage. Paramount CEO Bob Bakish simply wasn't up to the job. Ironically that wasn't what got him fired; Bakish was almost certainly fired for opposing Redstone's plan to enrich herself at the expense of other shareholders, probably the most competent thing he did in the last few years of his whole tenure.
Paramount has everything it needs to be successful; profitable sports contracts, which is just unbelievable in this day and age, a thriving scripted TV operation, and a viable, if recently somewhat mismanaged, streaming service. An end to overload waste, the continued exploitation of its favorable sports slate, throttling back unhelpful international originals and boosting kids content engagement may yet produce a different streaming picture going forward. Should older viewers start to get more comfortable with streaming going forward and following their favorite programs to Paramount+, that would just be icing on the cake.
It's been a depressing ride the last few years, but I'm sticking with Paramount.

I was almost followed into my apartment building last night but I'm not clear what this person's intentions were. I'm a woman in my 20s living in Brooklyn, I'm from NY, and have heard and been warned about walking home alone, but still have never experienced something like being followed, until last night. I was coming home from work and I got off at my regular train stop and started to walk to my apartment which is about 2 avenues from the train. I had both my earbuds in, but I wasn't listening to anything. I start to pass the park that is about a block away from me and I can feel and hear someone behind me, shuffling their feet as they walk. Not a problem, there was plenty of people around, both in the park and on the streets and sidewalks around it. It was about 7:30pm and still light out but the sun was going down. I get to the traffic light at the corner of the park when I notice this person is still behind me. I turned my head to the left slightly so I can see this person in my peripheral vision and I could see they were wearing a brown hoodie and had long brown hair, but still couldn't tell if it was a man or woman. I turned back to the street, crossed when the light changed and made a left, the next block was my street. I wanted to test if this person would pass me or walk in the same direction, so as I made it to my block I abruptly turned right and this person did the same. I'm now on the right side of my street but would have to cross to the left side where my apartment is, so as I was walking straight up my block I really quickly turned left and squeezed through a tiny space between two parked cars to cross the street, and I notice this person speeds up and does the exact same thing in the exact same spot!! This is when my heart started pounding. I started speeding up a little bit and I'm about 4 apartment buildings away from mine, and I hear this person's shuffling feet keeping pace with mine and speed up as I do, and I hear a single manly deep breath behind me. This is where I feel a little dumb, instead of continuing to walk up the street to a cafe or stop and tell someone (there was a few people walking on the sidewalk) I thought, "ok, our front lobby door locks whenever it's closed all the way, and if you don't have a key you can't get in, I'll just get inside there, close the door, and see what happens." So I get to my front 2 steps, jump inside the open lobby door, and immediately turn around and slam it shut. As I do this, this MAN WALKED RIGHT INTO THE DOOR and I come face to face with this man behind the glass. He was maybe in his late 20s to early 30s, light-skinned black man, with long brown almost waist length braids. He looked feminine and was actually quite pretty, but the look on his face was strange, like he was not fully there. His eyes were wide but the rest of his face blank, and he never looked away from me. Now get this, he never opens his mouth to say anything, but instead keeps those wide eyes on mine, holds up both of his hands, in one he's holding his iphone, which has a dead battery symbol on it and in the other hand is an ID, but it doesn't look like him on it. I totally should have read it, maybe it had the address to the same apartment on it, but I didn't even care, I just yelled "NO!" The thing is he readily had the ID in his hand, he didn't go into a pocket or a bag, he just had his hands up and ready to show me. I watched him never change his face, turn to his right and leave. I called my roommate to let her know, and she had a friend walk her home about two hours after I got in, so I wasn't alone for the rest of the night. I wish I took a picture of him with the ID and phone, but I was just weirded out that he tried to step inside right behind me but didn't try to come back in again or say a single word. I thought maybe I dropped my ID and he was returning it, but I checked and mine was in my wallet. Maybe he was asking for me to lend him a phone charger, but why would he follow me inside for that?! Was I overreacting?

After getting alot more experience, I have decided to rerelease my first script, with a few formatting changes. I wanted this and the rest of the ongoing series to match the standards of the other scripts in my library.
Note: Monetization is fine, just credit me, send a link of audios, and ask me before making changes of any kind.
Context: A young woman (listener) goes into the forbidden forest to get healing herbs. Her grandmother has gotten deathly ill and only the herbs in the forest have the power to her ailment. As the woman is picking the herbs, she feels a nearby presence. She brushes it off as being a curious animal, but the presence seems to get closer and closer. Before she knows it, a hand rips away her basket and starts rifling through it. The hand belongs to the elf prince who rules and protects the forbidden forest.
Elf Prince: (Smirk) Ah ha! Look what we have here! A little human trying to steal from my forest. Don’t you know it is not nice to take what is not yours?
…..
Elf Prince: [basket rustling sounds] Fire blossoms, Moon berries, and Golden apples. All of these would fetch a high price on the black market. (Voice lowers, menacing) You’re not planning on selling these, are you?
….
Elf Prince: These are for your sick grandmother? (Voice goes back to normal) That honestly makes more sense. You do not really look like the type to sell stuff on the black market. Let me guess, you are going to make that healing soup, the one that is supposed to heal any illness?
….
Elf Prince: So, since the doctor could not help, you decided to take matters into your own hands? In that case, I guess I will not kill you. However … I do require payment.
[Heartbeat and fleshy sounds]
Elf Prince: (Shocked voice) This heart is nearly spotless! I do not normally see mortals with hearts this clean. Now, do not panic. This heart is not like the one that keeps your blood pumping. Once you stepped into the elven domain, the way your body functions slightly changed. This crystal heart is a physical representation of a person’s intentions, thoughts, feelings, etc. When mortals typically cross the border, their hearts are covered in black spots or are nearly black. They usually come here for fame, money, magic, or even eternal life. You, on the other hand, came here for your sick grandmother, a non-selfish reason.
….
Elf Prince: You do not know how this heart can be payment? You see, a heart of this condition can be used for all sorts of things. Jewelry, elixirs, love potions, amulets of power. And besides, it is the most valuable thing on you. The elves do not accept your human coinage anyway. If it makes you feel any better, I will cut you a deal. In exchange for half of your heart, I will let you leave my forest with everything in your basket. However …. there will be some side effects.
Elf Prince: You will still be able to feel and love, but you will always feel like something is missing. Like your life is not fully complete. But it is all worth it for helping your grandmother, right?
….
Elf Prince: The side effect of losing your whole heart is that you would never be able to love again. Shadows would forever follow you and the world would be tinged with gray. You would still be able to be polite to people but never make deep emotional connections. If you feel like paying with half of your heart is not a good deal for you, I could take you to see my mother, Queen Freyalise. (smirk) I do have to warn you though, she is not always as good-hearted as myself.
….
Elf Prince: Very well! I will take you to Her Majesty’s court in a moment. In the meantime, here is your heart [heartbeat and fleshy sound] and here is your basket. In could keep these, but you would never make it out of the realm alive if you tried to run, so it does not really matter if you hold these or not. Come now little mortal, it is time to pay mother dearest a visit.
(Time Skip: The Elven Prince and Listener have arrived at Queen Freyalise’s court. Word has gotten around that the prince has found a human, who wishes to make a deal with the queen. Her majesty sits upon her throne, waiting for her son with open arms and anticipating Listener’s next move.)
Queen Freyalise: Prince Damar, my son! You have finally decided to pay your dear old mother a visit! Now come here and give me a hug!
….
Queen Freyalise: Oh! I see my son has forgotten to mention his name. He is Prince Damar Aquarius Uriqen. My youngest of four sons and the only one unwed
Damar: Mother, for the thousandth time, I am not interested in having a bride. I am fine being by myself and looking after the forest.
Queen Freyalise: Do not “Mother” me, young man. It is about time you settled down and gave me grandchildren. I am not getting any younger, you know.
Damar: Mother, you are over three thousand years old and immortal. You will always be “Younger.”
Queen Freyalise: That is beside the point. (Talks to Listener) Now, my dear girl, I have gotten word of your virtually unblemished heart. May I see it?
…. [Heartbeat and fleshy sounds]
Queen Freyalise: So, it is true! This heart is almost completely clear! I only see a few flaws here and there, but they are hardly noticeable. As for the deal, unfortunately, I hardly ever offer lower than three-fourths of a heart.
….
Queen Freyalise: However, since your heart is purer than most mortals that come into our lands and your purpose was not for your own gain, I will make you a deal that I have only made one other time. In exchange for you leaving my realm with your heart and the herbs you gathered, you will complete three tasks for me. One, collect a tail feather from the Ruby Thunderbird. Two, collect a scale from the mammoth emerald serpent. Three, gather the tears of a silver unicorn. And since you mortals usually need help on quests like this, I will allow you to pick one companion from my court, not including myself of course.
….
Damar: (surprised) Me?! Mother, you can not allow this! Who will look after the forest?! Why do I have to babysit this human?!
Queen Freyalise: First of all, I said she could pick anyone here besides me. Second, Garolon (second oldest prince) will take over your duties during the tasks. And third, you are not babysitting her, you are making sure she stays on the path and does not get eaten. Besides, you two may even fall in love and give me my grandchildren. Now, my dear girl, you have a long day ahead of you. My maids will show you to your room and will help you settle in for the night. Tomorrow, we will get you two all set for your journey.
(Time Skip, the maids are helping Listener take a bath to try and calm her for bed)
Elven Maid 1: You must excuse the queen, miss. She has been wanting grandchildren for a few hundred years now. For some reason, the three other sons have yet to produce any. She just gets over-excited whenever she finds a potential bride for Prince Damar. [water pouring sound]
Elven Maid 2: You are actually quite lucky to be considered as a potential bride. Her majesty typically does not see humans as worthy of marrying into her family, but your heart proves that you may bring some good things into the court. I honestly find some of the noblewomen quite stuffy. [soap suds sounds?]
Elven Maid 3: Also, you are the second person to ever be offered those three tasks. The first was another mortal woman who wanted some Golden apples for her siblings. Her village’s food supply was running low during a particularly bad winter. She saw those Golden apples on a branch just outside the forest’s entrance and picked some. She was immediately taken to the Queen by some guards and was asked why she dared to do such a thing. After the woman stated her case, Queen Freyalise offered her three tasks in exchange for the apples and food to help her village survive until spring. The woman managed to complete all of the tasks and was sent home with enough food for the winter. [water pouring sounds]
Elven maid 1: If I remember correctly, the human woman looked awfully a lot like you. Who knows, you two may be related and that could be another reason why you were offered the tasks. Now, let us get you into some warm clothes and to bed. You have a long day ahead of you.
(In the Queen Freyalise’s chambers)
Damar: I still do not know why you even considered that girl for the trials. She would be killed the moment the Thunderbird sees her. I can not have her blood on my hands.
Queen Freyalise: I made that deal because she reminded me of that other mortal woman. I even have a feeling that the two of them may be related. As for you, her blood will not be on your hands. She chose this and if she dies, then at least she did for someone else. Life is full of sacrifices and risks. You can not always play it safe when someone else’s life is on the line.
Damar: But mother…
Queen Freyalise: Goodnight Damar. You have a long journey ahead of you and you will need your sleep. I will make sure enough supplies are packed for the two of you. Also, please keep her alive. I have a feeling she will bring a lot of light to this old place.

I have a 2007 passat and recently i noticed my driver side headlight had just bare wire inside. Recently i was leaving work and the car started smoking from under the hood through the fire wall smoking and the fire department showed up and found no evidence of anything burning besides the smell.
Here's a list of things that stopped working Headlights Tailights Blinkers Wipers Horn 1 of the brake lights Gauge cluster lights
So a week ago I replaced the driver side headlight thinking it would fix the problem but it didn't. I've checked all fuses I thought lead to the problems I'm having but nothing was wrong (I don't think) Funny enough my high beams and dash lights work when the car is off but not when I start it.
I've noticed the #100 relay under the hood gets super hot to the touch so I replaced it with another and the problem followed. Has anyone experienced anything like this I really need my car back and could use all the help I can get.

After many samples and conversations, my customer chose stained cherry cabinets. I gave my usual warning that if you're going with natural wood, especially cherry, you have to understand there will be variations in grain and color. She seemed like she understood all that at the time we contracted. Fast forward to today - I got about half the cabinets installed and they look fantastic. She peeks in and is quiet. Never a good sign.
Finally she says, 'they're so much darker than the sample'. The lighting in the room sucks and shes holding this sample up to the base cabinets in a dark corner. "and this door has so much more grain in it". Oh for fuck's sake - I distinctly remember talking to her about wood grades and gave the same spiel I give everyone - " We could spec "select" if you want to minimize any variation, but that comes at a cost. "natural' is less expensive but may have some sapwood streaks which a lot of people don't like - I think a good compromise on cost/appearance is natural no-sap so you'll get some grain and shade variation but avoid the white streaks of sapwood."
The contract explicitly states that grain and color variation are natural and not considered defects, but you hate to go pointing to the fine print in the contract. I'm just wondering what I'll walk into tomorrow - whether she'll make her peace that these are beautiful cabinets or whether she's gong to obsess about the individual wood grain on each door.

Computer Type: Desktop
GPU: XFX AMD Radeon RX6750 xt
CPU: RYZEN 9 5900x
Motherboard: MSI x470 gaming plus
BIOS Version: 2.8
RAM: 32GB G.Skill Trident Z Royal Series DDR 3600
PSU: EVGA G3 750w
Case: n/a
Operating System & Version: WINDOWS 10
GPU Drivers: n/a
Chipset Drivers: unknown
Background Applications: none
Description of Original Problem: Installed new AMD GPU, rx 6750 xt, connected with HDMI to monitor. Computer turns on and has picture but computer passes through to 'Microsoft basic display adapter', and does not recognize GPU. AMD adrenalin software does not recognize build and will not install drivers. GPU fans power up but motherboard has red warning lights, including the two above RAM sticks which makes no sense as they were working fine before.
Troubleshooting: I've double checked the two 8pin power cords to the PSU, they are both labeled 'VGA G3' and have 6+2 on one end. Ive tried different 8pin inputs on the PSU with no difference. Orientation of pins is correct. I've run ddu to remove old nvdia drivers. I've attempted to reset OS but windows had an error.

Dracula: World of War --- The Violet Reaper ---- Humans Don’t Make Good Familiars Book 1 ---- The Lonely World --- Discord ---- YouTube --- My Patreon --- My Author's Page --- ArcAngel98 Wiki ---- The Next Best Hero ---- HDMGF Book 2 ---- Jess and Blinx: The Wizard ---- The Questing Parties ---- Previous
It took a month for Zanwy to recover from losing her wing. The shaman said everything went well, but afterwards she developed a fever for three days, and couldn’t move from the pain for over a week. Even after the fever broke and the pain faded, she was still too weak to move, and could not eat for some time. I visited her every day, bringing her food, making sure she ate even a little, and peeling the chard scales off the wound to help it heal. The shaman never even returned once to check on Zanwy. Her parents and siblings stayed with her, but that may have only been because they lived there too. After she recovered her strength, we started making plans on what to do. She knew the swarm wouldn’t accept her anymore, and I never felt at peace within it, so our plan was to leave.
“Are you ready?” I asked Zanwy as we overlooked the cliff edge. Even though I could fly now, I was not strong enough to carry her, so she needed to climb down. Which, after a month of infrequent meals and not moving much, seemed risky. “We could wait a few more weeks. Until you recover.”
“No. I can’t stay here.” One claw after the other, her wing pressed tightly to her back so she didn’t catch an updraft and twist, her belly flat against the rock, and her head pointed to the ground, she climbed down carefully. Of course, I could have glided down, but I didn’t. It felt wrong now somehow. The rocks shadows had moved over an inch before we made it to the bottom, with the forest we loved so much as our first destination. We thought that maybe the first place we should go could be past the furthest point we’d gone together.
Walking through those familiar rolling grassy hills and past the jumper’s nests, I listened to these familiar sounds one last time. Taking it all in, I heard, of course, that penetrating roar of the swarm, but there was also the small wet splashes of the jumpers moving about, the small howl of the wind as it made waves in the tall grass, the crunch of that same grass under our claws as we walked, and Zanwy’s slight panting. She was out of breath, but was keeping quiet, hoping I wouldn’t notice.
Eventually, we reached the edge of the forest, and stopped to eat red-berries. We sat in the grass and ate the red-berries that had fallen out of the treetops. Once we’d had our fill, and juice dripped from our snouts, I asked Zanwy, “How do you feel?”
“Off balance. Walking is a lot harder than I remember it being.” Zanwy said, limping slightly.
“Can you climb?” I looked up to the branches we always run along.
“I… no. I don’t think so.”
“What if I helped you?”
“Maybe, but jumping along the branches would be hard.” A drop of berry juice ran down her mouth and landed on the grass as she licked her claws clean.
“Okay, we can just-”
“No, I wanna try.” Zanwy said.
Getting Zanwy up the tree truck was clumsy and hard. She rested her tail on my head as I climbed below her, pushing her up for support. It took a few minutes but she and I made it to the strong branches. The branch swayed with the wind, and Zanwy flared her one wing, before quickly realizing her mistake and pulling it, and herself, closer to the branch. Using my wings to balance myself, I walked over to her. “Should we go back down?”
“Not yet. Just let me…” She slowly stood back up, and kept her wing pressed to her body. The nub where her missing wing had once been pressed itself down too, mimicking the movements of the other like an invisible mirror. Pushing off, she jumped to another nearby branch, and landed safely on the other side. Once again, I heard heavy panting, but she couldn’t hide it as well right now. “See, I can do it!” Zanwy yelled excitedly as her tail swayed back and forth from the edge. I followed suit, and lept to the branch next to her. It took a while, but she found a rhythm, and we ran along the branches for nearly an hour, until the sun began to set.
“It’s almost night. Let’s find somewhere to sleep.” I suggested.
“Yeah, let’s head back to the ground.” Zanwy agreed.
“You don’t want to sleep in the trees?”
“No. Without my wing… I don’t wanna risk falling by accident. Do you mind sleeping with me on the ground?”
“Okay, let’s find somewhere safe.” We spent a few minutes looking around, and found a tree with a hollow spot near the base. It was cramped, but empty. By the time the moon rose we had already settled down. Zanwy rested closer to the back of the hollow, and I slept near the entrance.
“It’s cold.” She said, and yawned. Since we were under a tree, the walls of the hollow couldn’t be heated with fire directly. So slowly and carefully, Zanwy and I used our fire to heat the dirt under us instead. Small embers of grass charred, caught fire, and burned away, leaving the ground much warmer; enough for us to sleep comfortably.
That night, I dreamt of Zanwy. She was flying around, soaking up the sunlight with her wings. I was the too; flying right beside her. We danced in the sky together. Zipping and diving about. It was so quiet. It was just us; as a perfectly happy swarm of two. Later that night, I woke up feeling sluggish and dizzy. A moment later I realized how cold it had gotten, and that the heat from the ground had long since gone. Zanwy was still asleep, and I didn’t want to wake her up.
Controlling flames is easy… to a point. But once something is on fire, you don’t control how it burns. That was something my father taught me when I breathed my first flame. The grass had already burned, so I assumed it could burn again. Because of that, I thought it would be safe to use more this time. I assumed wrong. One breath was all it took, and the walls turned yellow with fire. I tried to put it out by beating it with my tail and wings, but that only spread it faster.
“Zanwy! Get up!” I shouted. Dragons may be harder to burn, but enough fire can char and blacken even our scales.
Zanwy startled awake, “what’s going on? What happened!?” The flames started creeping closer, so she scrabbled to her and we both ran out of the hollow. It didn’t take long for the rest of the tree to burn, and for the fire to spread to the nearby trees. We ran away as fast as we could, the smell of smoke in our noses, and the sounds of crackling flames left behind us. Once we’d gotten safely out of the forest, I told Zanwy what happened.
“I’m sorry.” I told her.
“I guess the forest isn’t as used to fire as our nests are.” She said. She was upset, but was trying to not let me hear it. “Let’s just find someone else to sleep for tonight.” It was dark, but we could both see well enough to spot a rocky outcrop.
“Rocks are harder to burn than trees.” Zanwy said, crawling into an opening between the rocks. We crawled inside, and made sure there was nothing that could burn this time.
“Looks safe to heat these up.” I suggested. Zanwy agreed, and we spent several minutes making the place warm. “Much better.”
We finally got to sleep again after that, and woke up to beams of light hitting our eyes from the opening in the rocks. I rolled my head away from the light, and covered my eyes with my wings. I was all set to go back to sleep, until Zanwy said, “Woah… look at this, Blinx.”
Sliding one of my wings down, I peaked an eye open. With the sun out, the cave we were in became a lot brighter. Enough to see that it was much deeper than we’d realized. Zanwy, who’d slept further in than I did, noticed it first.
“This hole is really deep.” She said. “And it gets darker inside too. Do you wanna go explore it?”
I stood up, and my stomach growled. “Sure, but let’s eat first.” We left the cave in search of food. Outside, we found three things. One, some tasty slitherers under a big rock. Two, some water under another rock. And three, a burned down forest. Well, not the whole forest, but a lot of it that we could see. In the distance, white smoke rose into the sky from a few different places. A lot of the grass around the rocky area had been burnt up too.
“I guess we slept through the worst of it.” Zanwy said.
“Are the fires out now, at least?”
“Yeah, the smoke it white, so nothing’s burning anymore.” The was a moment of quiet, and I thought about how lucky we were to escape that tree in time, and how careless I was.
“I’m… sorry. We almost got hurt because of me.”
“Forget it. Name one dragon who hasn’t accidentally burned something with their breath. Let’s just go look at that cave. That’s why we left, right? To explore?” She said.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
The cave itself was very deep, and the walls were made of stones of lots of different colors. As we climbed down, we had to squeeze between rocks, and scrabble with our claws to make holes as we went deeper and deeper down. Eventually, the light from outside didn’t shine, but we could still see fairly well, though not as far, and without any colors. The cave quickly went from colorful, to just shades of gray. As we went along, the sounds of our claws on the stone did something strange. The sounds started happening several times, and coming from all around us.
“Do you hear that Zanwy?” I asked.
“Hear what?”
“Listen,” I said, and tapped the stone with my claw. Suddenly, the same tap came from above, below, and beside us; like a tiny swarm was clattering all around the rocks.
“Let me try.” She said, and scratched a stone. Once again, the sounds repeated. “Oh wow!” We decided to go deeper, and find out what was causing the sounds to do that. Eventually though, we entered a big open area in the cave.
“What is this?” I asked, hoping down into the area, and looking around.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the village of another species!” Zanwy said. “Hello!” She cried out with her mind in a way that any species could hear and understand, but there was no answer. As we continued to look around, we found all kinds of things. There were strangely small hard clay nests all around, but they were filled with tiny rocks and ash and mud. There were also lines of white mud on the ground. I followed them, and they led to the center of the ‘village’.
“Find anything?” Zanwy asked, walking over.
“No, but I am getting cold.”
“Yeah, it was much warmer aboveground.”
“Do you wanna warm up?”
“No, you go ahead, I’m going to keep looking around.” She said. As she walked away, I used my fire to warm up the rocks below me. Suddenly, light started to shine from the mud lines, revealing that I was standing on a large, circle with a strange pattern on it. The light got brighter and brighter, and I tried to run, but found that I couldn’t move. “Blinx!”
“Zanwy!” Without warning, I felt dizzy, and I could move again. Then I heard the sounds of something behind me, but it wasn’t Zanwy. Growly, I tried to make myself look bigger, and threatening. Whatever it was, it stood on two legs, and was rubbing its eyes. In its hand was a broken tree branch, with a rock at one end. The cave village had been filled with light, but it came from all around.
“What the?” The creature mumbled, looking at me. “Are you a dragon?” I growled at the creature, while looking around for Zanwy, but she wasn’t there.
“Who are you? Where’s Zanwy?” I demanded. I let the flames build up in my mouth to show that I was dangerous.
The creature grabbed her head. “Telepathy. That’s new. My name is Jess. I’m a wizard. Who are you?”

I have a 2014 Ford Fusion that was left in my yard over winter. Ran just fine when it was parked. I was given permission to sell it so I went to start it to take some pictures and list it but I went to start it and it was dead. Pulled the battery, checked it and it was dead and wouldn't charge so I got a new one.
The car still won't start. It's a push button start. All the electronics will come on like they would when you push start without your foot on the brake even though I'm pressing the brake. The brake pedal is also very stiff. The starter doesn't turn over at all. Also, all the service warning lights come on when the electronics come on, low tire pressure, check traction control, etc.
I feel like the issue is that it's not registering the brake pedal is pressed when the start button is pushed to engage the starter but don't know where to go from here. Any ideas?

So I changed my clutch master cylinder today, we bled the brakes after and the catch point for the clutch is still high. Any suggestions?
I had taken the intercooler off to reach the cylinder and we started the car for a minute to see if it would make it easier? My friend suggested, after we put the cooler back on and started it, I noticed the car has a really hard time going over 60. I have a Cobb tuner and I checked it before I started actually moving and the only codes were “running rich” and something with the 02 censor. We reset the ECU and all the lights went away. I start driving and it pops like it’s backfiring in the back. Is that normal since we let it run for a minute without the intercooler? And is there anything I need to do to fix or will it go back to normal on its own? No lights on the dash currently

CAPUT I
...
Know, therefore, that the purpose of this book is to describe the four kinds of spirit-men, namely, the water people, the mountain people, the fire people and the wind people. Included among these four kinds are the giants, the melusines, the Venusberg and what is similar to them.
...
How things are in relation to us will have to be described in the following order:
First, their creation and what they are;
second, their country and habitation, where they stay and what their mode of living is;
third, how they come to us and let themselves be seen, how they mix and have intercourse with us;
fourth, how they perform some miraculous works, such as Melusine, the Venusberg and similar stories;
fifth, the birth of the giants and their origin, and also their vanishing and return.
...
CAPUT SECUNDUM
...
The flesh must be understood thus that there are two: the flesh from Adam and that which is not from Adam. The flesh from Adam is a coarse flesh, for it is earthen and is nothing else but a flesh that can be bound and grasped like wood or a stone. The other flesh which is not from Adam, is a subtile flesh and can not be bound nor grasped, for it is not made from earth. Now, the flesh from Adam is the man from Adam. He is coarse like the earth which is compact. And, therefore, man cannot go through a wall. He must make a hole to slip through, because nothing recedes before him.
But before the flesh that is not from Adam, walls recede, which means that such flesh does not require doors nor holes; it goes through intact walls and does not break anything. They are both flesh, blood, bone and so on, whatever belongs to a man, and in their whole nature they are like man’s. But they are different in that they have a double origin like two cousins; they are in equal way like a spirit and like man. The spirit goes through all walls and nothing locks him out; man, however, not, for he is locked out by the bolt or the lock.
...
With all this, they bear children, talk and eat, drink and walk—things that spirits do not. Hence, they are like the spirits in speed, like man in gestures, figure and eating, and so they are people who have the character of spirits and also that of man, and both are one in them. Although they are both spirit and man, yet they are neither one nor the other. They cannot be men, since they are spiritlike in their behaviour. They cannot be spirits, since they eat and drink, have blood and flesh. Therefore, they are a creation of their own, outside the two,... It must be understood further that although they are spirit and man, yet they are neither. Man has a soul, the spirit not. The spirit has no soul, but man has one. This creature, however, is both, but has no soul, and yet is not identical with a spirit. For, the spirit does not die, but this creature dies. And so it is not like man, it has not the soul; it is a beast, yet higher than a beast.
...
Now, they are separated from us because they are not from Adam and do not participate in the same earth from which Adam was made, but God has decreed that we may see them miraculously, which has a particular meaning, as will be discussed in the last treatise. They have children and their children are their kind, not ours. They are witty, rich, clever, poor, dumb like we who are from Adam. They resemble us in every way. Just as one says: man is the image of God, that is, he has been made after his image—in the same way one can also say: these people are the image of man and made after his image.
...
And so they are men and people, die with the beasts, walk with the spirits, eat and drink with men. That is: like the beasts they die, so that nothing is left; and neither water nor fire harms them, like the spirits, and nobody can lock them up, like the spirits, but they reproduce like men and therewith share his nature. They have man’s diseases and his health but their medicine is not from the earth from which man is made, but from the element in which they live. They die like men, but are dead like the beasts. Their flesh rots like other flesh and their bones like other men’s bones and nothing remains of it. Their customs and behaviour are human, as is their way of talking, with all virtues, better and coarser, more subtile and rougher. The same applies to their figures : they are very different, like men. In food they are like men, eat and enjoy the product of their labor, spin and weave their own clothing. They know how to make use of things, have wisdom to govern, justice to preserve and protect. For although they are beasts, they have all the reason of man, except the soul.
...
TRACTATUS II - ABOUT THEIR ABODE
...
Their abode is of four kinds, namely, according to the four elements : one in the water, one in the air, one in the earth, one in the fire. Those in the water are nymphs, those in the air are sylphs, those in the earth are pygmies, those in the fire salamanders. These are not good names, but I use them nevertheless.
...
The name of the water people is also undina, and of the air people sylvestres, and of the mountain people gnomi, and of the fire people vulcani rather than salamandri.
...
Now you must know that if their regions have to be described, they must be divided into their parts. For the water people have no intercourse with the mountain people, nor the mountain people with them, nor the salamanders.
...
The undinae have their abode in water, and the water is given to them as to us the air, and just as we are astonished that they should live in water, they are astonished about our being in the air. The same applies to the gnomi in the mountains: the earth is their air and is their chaos. For everything lives in chaos, that is: everything has its abode in chaos, walks and stands therein. Now, the earth is not more than mere chaos to the mountain manikins. For they walk through solid walls, through rocks and stones, like a spirit; this is why these things are all mere chaos to them, that is, nothing. That amounts to: as little as we are hampered by the air, as little are they hampered by the mountain, by earth and rocks.
...
Since water is the fish’s air, the fish does not drown, and so the unda does not drown either. As in the water, so in the earth: the earth is air to the gnomi; hence they do not suffocate. They do not require our air, we do not theirs. Thus also with the salamanders: fire is their air, as our air our air is. And the sylvestres are closest to us, for they too maintain themselves in our air, and they are exposed to the same kind of death as we, namely: they burn in fire, and we too; they drown in water, and we too; they suffocate in the earth, and we too. For, each remains healthy in his chaos; in the others he dies.
...
Let us philosophize further, about their food ... The sylphs are like men, nourish themselves like men in the wilderness, on herbs in the woods. To the salamanders the soil is earth, their heaven is the air, and fire their chaos. Thus food grows to them from the earth and from fire, and the constellation from air is their heaven.
...
About their clothing: they are clothed and cover their genitalia, but not in the way of our world, in their own way. For they have modesty and similar qualities, as men must have, have law and similar institutions, have their authorities, [etc.] ... To the beasts clothing is inborn by nature, but not to these people. To them nothing is inborn by nature; they must work for it like man whom they resemble. Their work, like man’s work, is in the nature and kind of their own world and earth on which they live.
...
**About their figures, know that they are different. The water people look like men, both women and men. The sylvestres do not conform, but are cruder, coarser, longer and stronger than both. The mountain people are small, of about two spans. The salamanders are long, narrow and lean. Their place and abode are in their chaos, as was mentioned before. The nymphs live in water, in running brooks, etc., so close that they grasp the people who ride through or bathe therein. The mountain people are in the mountain chaos, and there they build their houses. This is why it often happens that one finds in the earth an attic, vaults, and similar structures, of the height of about a yard. They have been build by these people for their abode and dwellings.
The water people do the same in their various places. Know also that the mountain people live in the caves of the mountains and this is why strange structures occur and are found in such places. These are their work. Know also about the fire people whose yelling, hammering and working can be heard in volcanic mountains. It can also be heard when the elements are incinerated. For all these things are the same as with us, but according to their secret quality. Those who travel through wild regions learn the reason for such beings and obtain information. There these beings are found. In the mines also, close to good ore, etc. they are found, and in waters the same also, and the vulcans near the Aetna. And there are many more marvellous things, about their coins, payments and customs, which would be too long in this connection, but will be described in their place.**
TRACTATUS III - HOW THEY COME TO US AND BECOME VISIBLE TO US
All that God has created, he reveals to man and lets come before him, so that man has and attains knowledge of all happenings of the creatures.
...
And in order that we may have a good knowledge of things, the water people have not only been truly seen by man, but have married him and have born him children. Thus also, the mountain people have not only been seen, but people saw them, and talked to them, and received money from them and blows and similar things. The same happened with the forest people, as was mentioned before, the people saw them and dealt and walked with them. Thus also, with the vulcans, who also, as mentioned before, appeared to man, and revealed themselves essentially, who they were and what had to be understood of them all.
...
The nymphs, namely, become apparent to us, but not we to them, except in what they tell about us in their world, as a pilgrim would, who had been in foreign lands. They do not need such rapture, the way the mountain people enrapture us, or the water people. For they have no power over man, and their world is not such that they could adopt us. Man is not subtile in body, but coarse in body and subtile in chaos, while it is the contrary with them. Therefore, they can well stand our chaos, but not we theirs. Their element also is in itself their chaos, which to us may not be chaos. Thus they appear to us, stay with us, marry with us, die with us, and also bear children.
...
This happens with the water people. They come out of their waters to us, make themselves known, act and deal with us, go back to their water, come again—all this to allow man the contemplation of the divine works. Now, they are men, but on the animal side alone, without the soul. From this it follows that they marry men. A water woman takes a man from Adam, and keeps house for him, and gives birth to children. Of the children, we know that they follow after the father. Because the father is a man from Adam, a soul is given to the child, and it becomes like a regular man, who has an eternal soul. ... Just as the condition of these people is, when they are in union with man, so is the condition of man, when he is in union with God.
From this it follows that they woo man, and that they seek him assiduously and in secret. ... they seek love with man, so as to be in union with men. With them all intelligence and wisdom are outside the qualities of the soul, and not the soul.
...
One must also know that not all of them may be married to us. The water people come first; they are the closest to us. Next after them come the forest people, then the mountain and earth manikins who, however, rarely marry humans and are only obliged to serve them. The vulcans never attempt to enter into union with humans, and yet are apt to serve them. Know also that two of them, namely the earth manikins and vulcans, are considered spirits and not creatures, being looked upon as a mirage only, or as ghosts. You must know, however, that just as they appear, thus they are, flesh and blood like another man, and with that, quick and fast like a spirit, as was told in the beginning. They also know all future affairs, present affairs and the past, which are not apparent but are hidden. In that they can serve man, protect, warn, guide him, and such like. For they have reason in common with man (except in regard to the soul). They have knowledge and intelligence of the spirit (except in regard to God). Thus they are highly gifted, and they know and warn, so that man may learn about such things, and see them, and believe in such creatures.
...
It is said of the nymphs, that they come to us from the water, and sit on the banks of the brooks where they have their abode, where they are seen, taken also, caught, and married, as we said before. The forest people, however, are coarser than they. They do not talk, that is, they cannot talk although they have tongues and enough of all that is needed for speech. In this point they differ from the nymphs, for the nymphs can speak in the languages of the countries; the forest people, however, cannot but they learn easily.
The mountain manikins are endowed with speech like the nymphs, and the vulcans speak nothing, yet they can speak but roughly and rarely. The nymphs appear, as was said before, in human clothing, with human features and desires. The forest people are like men, but shy and fugitive. The mountain people are like men, not tall, short; sometimes they reach about half the size of man or so, sometimes more. Thus and in the same way, the vulcans appear, fiery, and fire is all over their features and clothing.
They are the ones of whom one says: a fire man or spirit is going through the house; there goes a burning soul, etc. It often happens that such figures are seen. They also are the flames that are frequently observed as glowing lights in meadows and fields, running through each other and towards each other. These are the vulcans, but they are not found living with man, on account of their fire. They are often found with old women, however, that is, with witches, wooing them.
...
You must know, however, that there is danger with the fire people, because they are commonly possessed, and the devil thus rages in them, which causes great harm to man. Know also that he equally takes possession of the mountain people and thus makes them subservient to him, and of the forest people also. He then can be found in the forest possessing sylphs and venturing to make love to women who live in forest regions. But they all become like lepers, scabby and mangy, and there is no help for them either.
When these beings are not possessed by the devil they are human and seek union as has been mentioned. But they keep the way of spirits, in that they disappear. One who has a nymph for a wife, should not let her get close to any water, or at least should not offend her while they are on water. And one who has a mountain manikin with him, should not offend him, particularly not at places where they get lost. But they are so much obliged to man and so closely bound to him, that they cannot get away from him, unless there is a reason for it, and this happens at the place from which they come. If one has a wife, she does not get away from him, unless she is provoked while they are on water. Otherwise she will not disappear and can be held. The mountain manikins also must keep their pledges, when they are in service and have been pledged.
But obligations to them must be kept also, in all that is due to them. If duties are kept as should be, they are honest, constant, and intent on their work. And one must know that they are particularly loyal to man and much inclined to spending money. For, the mountain people have money, because they themselves coin it. This is how it must be understood. What a spirit wishes to have, he has, and their wishing and desiring is thus: when a mountain manikin wishes or desires a sum of money, if there is need for it, he has it, and it is good money. Thus they give money to many people in the galleries of mountains, to make them get away; they buy them off. All this is divine order— that they thus appear to us and that we see what is incredible to tell. Man is the most earthbound of all creatures. What he must have and wants, he must make for himself, and he obtains nothing by wishing and desiring it. But those people have what they need and desire, and man does nothing for it. They have it without work.
TRACTATUS IV
As we came to the end of the treatise, we had sufficiently discussed the necessities of these beings, and how they come to man. You must now, furthermore, know about their disappearance from man, and about their doings with us, with many such tales and stories that have happened with them, in many queer ways.
...
It also happens that sirens are born. They are water women too, but live more on the water than in it. They are not split like fish, but are more like a virgin, yet their form is not quite that of a woman. They bear no children but are monsters, just as a strange human being can be born from two normal parents. I would like to put it thus: the water people reproduce themselves like humans, but when it happens that they produce a monster, these monsters are sirens that swim on the water, for they repudiate them and do not keep them. This is why they occur in many forms and figures, as it happens and is the case with all monsters.
Thus we marvel not only at the water people but also at the sirens, who have many strange features and are very different from people. Some can sing, some can whistle with reeds, some can do this and that. Monks are also born from nymphs, that is, a monster which is shaped just like a monk. This you must know, namely, that such growths that are comparable to men and are found in some places, come from men, that is, they come from water people, earth manikins and similar beings.
...
To continue the discussion of these beings, know that such people also convene and assemble in one place, where they may live together and seek intercourse with man, for they love him. ... There are more women than men in such groups, few men, many women; hence they are after men whenever they have a chance. From such people a group originated that is called the Venusberg. It consists of nothing else but a kind of nymphs, thrown together in a cave and hole of their world, yet not in their own chaos, in man’s chaos, but in their regionibus. Know about them that they reach a very old age, but you cannot notice it, because their appearance remains the same from beginning to end, and they die unchanged. Venus was a nymph and undine who excelled others and reigned for a long time, but she died and the succeeding Venus was not as endowed as she had been. She died in the course of time and her kingdom vanished. There are many tales about her.
...
There is a story about a different beginning. It tells of a queen who resided there and sank into the earth. It was a water woman who resided there. She went into the mountain, under the pond that was above her, in her region. There she took her abode, and for making love, she built a gallery, for her to get to the lads and they to her. Such strange things happened there that nobody was able to report about these beings, what they were or where they were from, until it came to an end. It is quite possible that this could happen again should another nymph come, equal to her.
...
There is also a true story of the nymph in Staufenberg who sat on the road in all her beauty and served the lord she had chosen. ... Our nymph was a water woman. She promised herself to von Staufenberg and stayed also with him, until he married another wife, and took her for a devil. Taking her for a devil and considering her such, he married another woman and thus broke his promise to her. Therefore, at the wedding, she gave him the sign, through the ceiling, during the banquet, and three days later, he was dead.
...
We must pay equally great attention to Melusine, for she was not what the theologians considered her, but a nympha. It is true, however, that she was possessed by the evil spirit, of which she would have freed herself if she had stayed with her husband to the end. For such is the devil that he transforms these beings into different shapes, as he also does with the witches, transforming them into cats and werewolves, dogs, etc. This happened to her also, for she never was free of witchcraft but had a part in it. A superstitious belief resulted, that on Saturdays she had to be a serpent. This was her pledge to the devil for his helping her in getting a man. Otherwise, she was a nympha, with flesh and blood, fertile and well built to have children. She came from the nymphs to the humans on earth and lived there. But then, as superstitio seduces and vexes all beings, she went away from her people in her superstitious belief, to the places where the seduced people come who are bewitched in superstitionibus and spell-bound. Mind you, she remained the same serpent to the end of her life, and God knows how long it lasted.
...
TRACTATUS V - DE GIGANTIBUS - On Giants
You must know further that there are two more kinds that belong to the kind of nymphs and pygmies, namely, the giants and dwarfs, who are not born from Adam. Although it is a fact that Saint Christopher was a giant, yet he took birth from human seed, and hence we shall not write about him. But we shall write about the other giants, referred to in the stories of Bern, Sigenott, Hiltbrant, Dittrich, etc., also about the dwarf Laurin and others. Such stories are frequently rejected, but you must know that the same people who reject them, reject also much more important truth.
...
To come to an end, know that such people, giants and dwarfs, may well make women from Adam pregnant, because same likes to meet same, and nature may permit it. Yet you must know that the monsters are not fertile, although they are monsters only so far as their strength and size is concerned; they are not misbuilt. But they have only one seed available, that is, they do not attain the third, fourth, etc. generation. Know also that when they get into man’s kind, the result is uncertain. If the child’s body takes after the mother it falls into her kind; if not, it becomes a beast like the father. It is not possible for it to become a mixed being because the seed of one of the two always prevails. It happens otherwise that both become one seed, but here not. And if it were one seed it would have to be qualified by the one partner who gives the soul. More is said about this subject in other philosophical treatises, and there is no need to tell it here. Their kind, however, has died out and they have left no descendants to replace them.
TRACTATUS VI - ON THE CAUSES OF SUCH CREATURES
Now that we must reflect in terms of natural philosophy about the causes of these creatures we must remember the facts, all the points, many of which have been discussed in the previous treatises. We need not repeat them here. Further causes that may be explored are these: namely, that God has set guardians over nature, for all things, and he left nothing unguarded.
Thus gnomes, pygmies and mami guard the treasures of the earth, the metals and similar treasures. Where they are, there are tremendous treasures, in tremendous quantities. They are guarded by such people, are kept hidden and secret so that they may not be found until the time for it has come. When they are found, people say: in times-of old there used to be mountain manikins, earth people here, but now they are gone. This means that now the time has come for the treasures to be revealed. The treasures of the earth are distributed in such a way that the metals, silver, gold, iron, etc., have been found from the beginning of the world on, and are being discovered by and by.
...
[Now of] the fire people. They too are guardians, of the fireplaces, in which they live. In these places the treasures, that others guard, are forged, prepared, made ready. When the fire is extinguished, it is the earth manikins’ turn to be on guard. And after the earth manikins’ guard, the treasures are revealed. It is the same with the air people. They guard the rocks that lie on the surface, that have been made by the fire people, and put at the place where they belong, from where they get into man’s hands. They guard them so long, until the time has come. Wherever there are treasures, such people are on hand. These are hidden treasures that must not be revealed yet.
...
The nymphs in the water are guardians of the great water treasures, that lie in the sea and other waters, that have also been melted and forged by the fire people. It is, therefore, commonly understood that where nymphs are, there are considerable treasures and minerals and similar matters which they guard. This is apparent in many ways.
...
The cause of the sirens, giants, dwarfs, also of the will-o’the-wisps, who are monsters of the fire people, is that they predict and indicate something new. They are not on guard, but signify that misfortune is threatening people. ... when this is going to happen, signs occur. These beings are such signs, as has been said, but not they alone; there are many more. You must know that the signs change each time. They do not appear in one way, but are hidden to our eyes.
And, finally, the last cause is unknown to us. But when the end of the world will come close, then all things will be revealed, from the smallest to the largest, from the first to the last, what everything has been and is, why it stood there and left, from what causes, and what its meaning was. And everything that is in the world will be disclosed and come to light. Then the fake scholars will be exposed, those who are highly learned in name only but know nothing by experience. Then, the thorough scholars and those who are mere talkers will be recognized for what they are, those who wrote truthfully and those who traded in lies, the thorough and the shallow ones. And to each will be measured according to his diligence, earnest endeavor and truth. At that place, not everyone will be or remain a master, or even a doctor, because there the tares will be separated from the wheat and the straw from the grain. He who now cries, will be quieted, and he who now counts the pages, will have his quills taken away. And all things will be revealed before the Day of Judgment breaks, order that it be found of all scholars, from the past to that very day, who had knowledge and who not, whose writings were right and whose wrong. Now, in my time, this is still unknown. Blessed will be the people, in those days, whose intelligence will be revealed, for what they produced will be revealed to all the people as if it were written on their foreheads. For that time I also recommend my writings for judgment, asking that nothing be withheld. Thus it will be, for God makes the light manifest, that is, everyone will see how it has shone.

Micheal Afton MOVESET
Lightweight with 2 jumps
Gimmick
Not really a gimmick just wanted to mention this. Micheal will not be referencing enard at any point During the attacks. As michaels moveset is less about micheal specificity and is more meant to be a security guard composet moveset. Which is the same reason that he will use Ucn items. I know that's williams torment and stuff but it works better on michael.
Basic Attacks
Jab: Flash Light (Mike presses on a flashlight which causes it to flash)
Doesn’t do damage but can flinch
(Flashlights in the fnaf series)
Dash: Foxy Scare (Mike dawns a foxy mask and jumps forward)
Pretty strong Knockback but meh damage
(Michael Scaring his brother and Withered Foxy Jump Scare)
Side Tilt: Decomposing (Slowly Punches at an upward angle)
Does mid damage
(Final walking sprites when micheal fully decomposed)
Up tilt: Walking (Micheal does a basic uppercut)
Does Great Knockback but no damage
(Micheal Walkin down the street)
Down Tilt: Scary Slide (Micheal Wears a foxy mask and slides)
Basic Sliding down tilt. Does minor damage but can cause a stun
(Micheals bed scare)
Side Smash: Faz Coin (Faz Coins start to appear around michael as the move charges)
If you charge for the shortest amount of time you will get a random plushie where he throws the plushie where it acts as a basic gravity affected projectile. Does a lot of knockback and has a 20% chance to freeze but barely any damage. if you charge for a medium amount of time rockstar freddy will punch forward. Does medium knockback and damage. And if you charge the Longest amount of time you get a death coin which Michael will throw forwards. From there it flies into a straight line until it hits a wall or a foe where it will disappear. It does no knockback but tons of damage And if the foes damage was over 80% damage when hit by the death coin, it’s an instant kill.
(Ucn coin purchases)
Up Smash: Wiring Malfunction (Micheal holds a wire that emits flame)
Does decent knockback and has a chance to stun or burn
(fnaf 3 fire)
Down Smash: Music Box (Micheal Spins the handle of a music box)
Does Great Knockback but no damage
(Music Box general use)
Aerials
Neutral Air: Music Box (Micheal Spins the handle of a music box)
Does Great Knockback but no damage
(Music Box general use)
F Air: Death Coin (Micheal Throws a death coin)
It flies into a straight line until it hits a wall or a foe where it will disappear. It does no knockback but tons of damage And if the foes damage was over 80% damage when hit by the death coin, it’s an instant kill.
(Death Coin)
B Air: Plushies (Throws Random plushie behind hims)
A basic gravity affected projectile. Does a lot of knockback and has a 20% chance to freeze but barely any damage.
(Plushies in ucn)
Up Air: Wiring Malfunction (Micheal holds a wire that emits flame)
Does decent knockback and has a chance to stun or burn
(fnaf 3 fire)
Down Air: Panic (Micheal shakes the feet below him)
Hits great damage and knockback
(the panic animation shared between afton and CC)
Grabs
Grab: Flashes opponent with camera stunning them.
(Camera security breach)
Pummel: Uses a fazer blaster
F Throw: A hoard of people crowd surf the opponent
(the events before the bite of 83)
B Throw: A hoard of people crowd surf the opponent
(the events before the bite of 83)
Up Throw: A pedestal with a button appears under the foe that micheal presses shocking the opponent
(sister location controlled shock)
Down Throw: A Fredbear suit appears which micheal puts the opponent into the suits mouth before it crushes them
(Bite of 83)
Specials
Neutral Special: Doors
A Door appears in front of michael. Acts like Steve's blocks with bigger hitboxes and major restrictions. First only can be placed on the ground. Second, only 2 doors can be on screen at a time. But in exchange for those hindrances there are some benefits. First the doors will not disappear unless you make them by pressing the b button near a door or if you lose a stocks your doors still disappear. And second micheal is unaffected by the doors hitbox. Meaning he can walk through them or even attack between them. Speaking of which if you use the jab next to a door the flashlight will now instead freeze opponents. And all projectiles including michaels will disappear after touching a door. So overall its a great way to control the outcome of a match in the right hands but if used incorrectly could give your opponents a major leg up.
Side Special: Audio Lure
Micheal will pull up his computer and use an audio lure. From an icon appears that you can move. Press B at your desired location and a sound will play. From there there’s a 50% chance the opponent will move to the location. Note they will stop at ledges and avoid on stage hazards like lava so you can’t move the foe to their death. But it is still a powerful ability. And you can use side b while charging a smash attack or while doing another special.
Up Special: Dee Dee
Dee Dee picks micheal up and flies with their propeller hat before dropping him. Acts exactly like king k rools up b with a key difference. If michael lands on the stage after using up special one out of six random animatronics will appear each lasting 25 seconds. Shadow Bonnie who will fly around the stage trying to get to someone and teleport the person touches to a random part off the stage before disappearing. Micheal can be that person but it cannot go through Michael's doors. plushtrap acts like a slower moving, bigger claptrap who can’t jump and freezes with light attacks also can’t go through doors. Lolbit and the minireenas who serve the same function of blocking the screen. Nightmare chica who acts like a slower Roden who instead of summoning hands just punches you straight up. And bonnet who acts like plushtrap who can jump. The move can only be used twice within 25 seconds as only 2 animatronics can appear at a time. The second time you use the move xor will appear instead fulfilling the same role. Also no minireenas and lolbit can’t appear at the same time
Down Special: Cameras
Mike will pull up his monitor and check his cameras. The screen will then freeze. As little text boxes appear above the screen basically explaining important info like the matchup of the foe compared to michael, Their weight, counters to there specials, recommended strategies, etc. you can exit it by pressing the b button again where you can’t use the move for 20 seconds. Which is the wise move since just like in fnaf the text will only be on screen for 3 seconds before static appears and disappears with michael being stunned and unable to use the move for 40 seconds. So just like in fnaf you need to scan the scene and focus on what's important and plan your next action accordingly.
Final Smash: Connection Terminated
The move starts with micheal charging up a punch. But before he can punch the opponent the screen cuts to black as an altered version of henry's speech plays before cutting back to the match where michael is mysteriously gone as the screen slowly shrinks with fire on the border. Additionally the entire stage is on fire making the ground no longer safe. The torment ends after 15 seconds where it cuts to an animatic of the fnaf 6 pizzaplex in ruin. When it cuts back to the stage michael has mysteriously come back
Cosmetics
Costumes
Security guard outfit
Purple skin (Ennard and purple guy reference)
Gray skin and shirt (Souls reference)
Blue Shirt (Phone Guy)
Striped shirt (Crying Child)
Pink (Pink Slip)
Orange Hair and pink shirt (Elezabith
Orange Skin with a top hat and blue shirt (Glamrock Freddy)
Stage Entrance: Walks out of his house the same way he does in the fnaf 5 cutscenes
Taunts
Puts On Foxy Mask
Eats pizza
Puts on freddy mask (invincible while in the taunt)
Victory Animations
A Pink slip appears on screen
Fire appears on screen (always happens when winning with final smash)
A Black screen appears Before 6 Am appears on screen (always happens when winning timed match)

it’s coming up to three months. i miss my girlfriend so much. I have achieved a few things since she passed and i just wish i could share them with her cause i know she’d be proud. I have so many things to tell her that she would’ve found funny too:( poetry has always been my hobby. And it’s also a way i find a little bit of peace when i’m trying to manage my emotions. This is my most recent poem. I’m sorry for anyone that has become a part of this group💔. I wrote this last night when i was breaking down and just missing her so deeply. I wanted to share it.
a flame burns brightest at the smallest wick
zero signs, no warnings. she is gone, tomorrow, the next day & forevermore. i can’t remember a time she wasn’t smiling, her smile is permanently tattooed in my brain. i simply don’t remember looking at her, and not seeing a grin that ran from her left ear to her right ear. She was a beacon of light, she was a complete breath of fresh air. The same sort of air you’d expect to fill your lungs with at a tranquil lake in sweeden, no signs of pollution, 100% purified air. I always felt lighter after breathing her air. In fact, i even dreamed of being even half as pure as her one day. However i was wrong, everyone was so so wrong. we all misjudged this so called “pure” air it was only ever pure in our heads, and in our minds. But in reality she was choking, coughing and spluttering. gasping for air, air she didn’t believe she deserved. even if she was granted oxygen tents, inhalers, and all the air on earth she would still believe she didn’t deserve to breathe, to live. She didn’t even realise she helped so many people, just by existing, with her radiance and pure grace. She allowed us all to breathe clearly. behind the greatest smiles lies the most pain, she was desperate to tell me she hadn’t felt so “complete” for ages and just like that she was gone, never to be seen again. A flame burns the brightest at its smallest wick.

I recently bought a house in May 2023 in Ohio. While going through the process, I was told that I had an exterior sump pump (lift station/pump station) for sanitary/storm water due to my drain pipe from my home being at to much of incline for it to make it to the sewer line by itself (gravity fed). This sump pump is controlled by an electrical box attached to the side of my house with a red light on top of it. I was told by the seller that when the light began to flash, I needed to call the city as it was their equipment, and they would service it. It was something I noted and saw that a city padlock was attached to the box. In August 2023, the mayor and city service center director were in the neighborhood notifying residents of construction occurring in the area and stopped by my home. While we chatted, the mayor unsolicited asked "do you know about your house?". I said no and he proceeded to explain that my house was the only one in the city that had it's own lift station (there are others in the city but they service multiple homes) and that when the light began to flash, I needed to call for service.
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In January 2024, I was awoken at 5am to a basement full of water. My family and I were removing water from the basement (~250-300+ gallons of storm water) for hours before the city was able to come out to find that equipment within the pump was no longer working, I talked with the city worker who responded, and he stated that he had worked on my pump for years (~10) but stopped over the last couple of years as he was told too by the service center director. I told him that was weird because I had just talked to them back in August, and they said to call. He said weird and went on finding a temporary fix until he could come back the next day. The next day comes, and he told me that he talked with the service center director and got the okay to buy the replacement equipment. Fast forward to April 2024, and I was awoken at 4 am again to water in the basement. Was able to manually turn on the pump and drain the water before it got worse, so I decided to call the city back at 7a to request service. This time, I talked with the service center director who said to me that it was my problem, and he only helped me out originally because he felt bad. When I asked why there was a city padlock on the electrical box and that the city had historically serviced it, he could not answer why. I sent an email to the mayor and my councilman. I received a call from the mayor who said he would look into it because he could not answer any basic questions about the pump I had (why the city padlock on it, why did the city service it, who put in the pump and when, was there a service agreement, etc.). Through talking with neighbors, I found that the pump was likely installed in 2005 when the city forced the neighborhood to get rid of their septic tanks. There is another sump pump system a 100 ft down the road from me that has the exact same design (light on top, same warning signs about not accessing, city padlock, etc.) but it is larger as it services 14-16 homes.
​
Had a meeting recently with the city where they admitted the city had a history of poor record keeping, but since there was no asset tag for the system, they claimed it was undoubtedly mine. They could not answer any of questions I posed to them. When I asked why each electrical box was designed exactly the same, they mostly admitted that it was likely installed by the city in 2005, but it would have been with the understanding that it was the homeowners to maintenance. I don't know how they claim this without any documentation that say doesn't exist. I honestly believe they didn't do much research and just want it and me to go away. What recourse do I have? I've been told by my realtor that they did everything correct and I probably don't have much of a case legally. Should I try to get a lawyer? Should I try to FOIA the engineering plans & city budget from 2005? I'm thinking about contacting the mayor at that time to see if he would remember? Any advice would help as this would be a costly repair for my wife & I.

Intro: For your distinguished service to the crown, you’ve been assigned the difficult and dangerous job of slaying a dragon purported to have slaughtered a village on the outskirts of the kingdom. It’s a job you should be able to handle, and you’re not too scared… now, if only the whole thing felt less wrong…
Summary: Listener meets a new acquaintance who befriends her, and offers to guide her where she needs to go. They face a danger together, and she learns that he is not what he seems.
Go ahead and monetize, it's fine. Word count is about 3800.
If you fill this or plan to fill this, please notify me. Please don't make edits without asking first.
TWs: Running deception, combat, discussion of mass murder (dragon burning places to the ground), possessiveness, forced sleep
Line breaks represent the listener talking or space where no one talks and should be short pauses, words within {brackets} represent the speaker’s tone or sfx. At ellipses, the speaker trails off, and at dashes, he is either cut off abruptly by the listener or by himself.
Author’s Note: And also the flipped version, for the draconic gentlemen out there!
If you want to read this somewhere other than Reddit, it's also here.
F4M version here.
​
​
{internal monologue} {disgusted} Ugh, those damn livestock merchants charge more every time. Gouging bastards, {rationalization} but I do need them to stay silent. If the town finds out how much food I have to purchase every month, it’ll only end badly. Besides, it’s not like even this much bribery makes a dent in my hoard. I should really just be glad I haven’t met any merchants with integrity, that wouldn’t end well. Good thing it’s a vanishingly rare trait these days… {annoyance} wait, no, that’s not a good thing, what am I saying? It’s sad… but it does make my life easier. Well, that’s a hell of a conundrum. {sigh} {bored} Not one I haven’t dealt with before, though. Have this conversation with myself every time. Oh, well. What matters is the food’ll be delivered soon, I don’t have to go into hibernation, and the merchants won’t talk. Anything else I wanted to do before heading home? Hmm… I think I wanted to stop at the spice merchant, see how much- {interest} HELlo. Who is that?
{curiosity} What would a knight be doing here? I mean, I suppose the goblin raids have been getting more brazen, but the town guards seem to have it handled, I haven’t even needed to get involved yet. I guess she could be here about that, but it doesn’t feel right. Maybe she’s just passing through? Well, best way to find out is to go talk to-
{quiet} Oh, damn. That’s- oh, damn. Fuck, she’s hot. {forced calm} Okay, composure. You are an all-powerful dragon. You will not be thrown off your game by one mortal, no matter how shiny her armor is. And it’s only her armor you’ll be looking at, right? Right. Ignore that beautiful face, you just need to find out what she’s doing here, not-
{suspicious} Wait. Who’s she talking to? {upset} The spice merchant? And he’s BLUSHING? Uh-uh. No. Not gonna fly.
{out loud} {sickly sweet} Hiiiii, hello! It’s me again, I’m here to pick up some- Oh? Who’s this? A new friend?
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were having a conversation. Please, continue. I can wait.
{cough}
Oh, no, don’t mind me, just looking at… cumin. My, this smells awfully strong.
So sorry to barge in again, uh, I would like to buy these.
Are you leaving? Well, it was lovely to meet you.
{internal monologue} Okay, let me just finish up here, and I can go talk to her.
{pleased} Hah! Look frustrated, spice sleazeball. Serves you right. {confused} Wait, do I know your name? Have I ever asked your name? Eh, doesn’t matter right now, I don’t need to know everyone in the village. {disgust} Especially not someone who flirts with- {confusion} Wait, what am I doing? I don’t have any claim over some random knight, why am I acting like this?
{frustrated noise} Figure out internal dilemma later, find human now. Where’d she go?
Agh! Curse this mortal form’s short legs, I can’t see- wait! Shiny!
{out loud} Hey! Hey! Wait up!
{out of breath} Whew… Thought I was gonna… gonna lose you… for a minute.
Thanks. Only need… a few seconds…
{composed} Hi. I’m Typhon*.* Sorry to chase after you like that, but I realized I didn’t catch your name?
Oh, that’s a lovely name. It suits you.
{pleased} Oh, flatterer. {internal monologue} She’s smooth, isn’t she? I was expecting all armor, no brain. I understand why the spice merchant was blushing now, I guess. {out loud} I just wanted to ask you… uh, I wanted to ask you what you were doing at the spice merchant’s? Usually passers-through don’t stop there when they can get their salt cheaper elsewhere.
Oh, that’s interesting! I didn’t know you could find that here.
Oh, no, I don’t spend very much time there. I mostly go in, buy what I need for my next few weeks of meals, and leave. Other places to be. More important places.
{laugh} Well. You certainly know the way to a man’s heart. {internal monologue} A knight with both manners and a sense of humor… who’d have thought?
{out loud} Wonderful. So, what brings you to Wylgrith? It’s not a large settlement by any means, and well out of the way of… everything, really. What reason would a mighty royal knight have for stopping by? Were you sent to handle the goblins that-
{stunned} …Say what now?
The dragon? You were sent to kill the DRAGON?
Can you… not?
{off-balance} I mean- uh- Well, I don’t see why you would, do I? After all, the dragon hasn’t been seen or heard from in years, right? And even before that he didn’t harm any humans for decades. He-
I- uhhh… I guess I’m guessing he’s a ‘he?’ I did see him once, flying overhead, though, and he looked like a boy dragon. Kind of stocky.
I… suppose ‘it’ works as well, yeah. {quiet, sad} A little hurtful, though…
{back on track} Nothing, nothing. So, why are you killing the dragon, again? I don’t think… it… has even harmed a human in living memory.
{sputtering} What? No it didn’t!
I- I think I would know if it burned down a village. I mean, this place is still standing, right?
A different- Well, I’m sure he wouldn’t have done anything like-
{quickly} No, no, I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve met the thing, right? But it hasn’t burned down this village, so why would-
{tentative} Oh. They said that?
Right to the king?
Right in the middle of court, where everyone could hear it?
{sad} I guess that settles that, then. The dragon needs to die.
{internal monologue} Damn. What a waste of such a beautiful knight. There’s no chance she could possibly beat me on her own, so she’s going to end up- wait, on her own?
{out loud} {confused} And the king sent you? Alone, I mean? No army, or squad of knights, or cadre of mages? Why would he do that?
{awed} Oh. Oh, that is a very magic sword.
Well, no, I haven’t. But- but you can just tell, can’t you? It’s glowing! And it’s covered in some kind of weird letters, those have to be magical, right?
{internal monologue} {hesitant} Okay. That’s somewhat worrying. Even with all the useless sigils and that pointless glow siphoning its energy, I can feel the power rippling off that thing. Where did she ever find- No, that doesn’t matter. Could it level the playing field? Give her a chance? Hard to tell, I think, my senses in this form aren’t as-
{out loud} I’m sorry, what? I was distracted. Uh- it’s a very pretty sword.
{taken aback} That’s- that’s a good name for it. Very dangerous-sounding.
{internal monologue}{stressed} ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FANGBANE? SHE FOUND FANGBANE? HOW IN THE- {forced composure} no, I’m calm, I’m calm, it’s fine. It’s not worrying at all that she has the most dangerous dragon-slaying sword ever forged. Wow, this very quickly went from “I don’t want to fight her, I don’t want to kill her” to “I don’t want to fight her, I don’t want to die.” Okay, time to nip this in the bud.
{out loud} Wow, it’s done that much? I never would’ve guessed that, it looks much too fancy for that. So… you can actually kill the dragon?
{hesitant} You’re right, I suppose. If it burned a village, it does deserve that. Well… *{resolve}*Do you know how to find its lair?
No, it’s not. If it was, everyone would be constantly in there robbing the hoard, wouldn’t we? Everyone knows that the lair is somewhere on the mountain, but no one knows where.
{triumph} Yes. Except me. And I’ll guide you there.
{reasonable} We already agreed, right? If it burned down a village, killed that many people, it needs to be put down. I want to help with that, and besides, you need someone to take you there. You’ll never find it on your own, so you can’t be too choosy about who you bring, can you?
I like hiking, and the mountain isn’t dangerous if you’ve known what you were doing since you were a child. I found it once, but I ran immediately, because I didn’t want to risk angering the dragon. I think I can find it again, but it’ll be a long trip. Three days at minimum.
{internal monologue} {satisfied} Perfect. A few days wandering in the forest should discourage her, maybe I can even convince her I didn’t burn any village. {confused} Why would she have been told… {moving on} Doesn’t matter right now. What matters is getting her off my trail, and maybe getting to know her in the meantime… {upset} No! Stop that! Bad Typhon! She’s literally trying to kill you. She is not a prospective mate, she isn’t even another dragon!
{sigh} {wistful} She is gorgeous, though, especially when the light catches her armor like that… No! Stop!
{out loud} {serious} We should set out soon, then. Do you have enough provisions for the trip?
Good, good. No time to waste, come on.
You’re hunting a dragon. A dragon. Don’t you think it might be wise to move before he- it catches wind of your presence?
Let’s go, then.
{some indicator of a time skip}
{amused} What, don’t tell me you’re getting tired? We’ve only been hiking for a couple hours today, aren’t you supposed to be a big, strong knight?
You could take off the armor, if it’s that hot.
{concession} All right, your decision. And I suppose wearing the armor was helpful when the tangler tree tried to grab you. Fine, we’ll stop for a bit.
How much is left in your waterskin?
Good, good. Mine’s pretty full, I haven’t felt thirsty in a while.
No, we’re definitely going in the right direction. {grasping at straws} I recognize… uh, that rock! Yeah. See how it kinda looks like a bear, if you tilt your head?
Really? Well, I see it. Anyway, I remember seeing that before. We’re about a day’s walk away from the lair, I’m almost certain.
You know, you never asked why I decided to hike in a random direction for three days. {internal monologue} {pleased} I have such a good story for it, too. It’ll leave you crying, and then maybe I can-
{out loud} {taken aback} You do?
What? You’re a royal knight, one of the most honored positions in the land. Why would you feel the need to escape?
{internal monologue} What? What was that? There for a second and then gone, was that… a crack in the charming exterior?
{out loud} No, no, I understand the feeling. I just… didn’t expect it from this quarter. Is something wrong at court? Are you-
{inner monologue} {protective} Oh… Oh her eyes… So sad… What did they do to you, my knight?
{out loud} Please, anything you can-
{confused} What? What’s wrong?
No, I’m not going to shush, we’re talking, and-
{muffled} Mmph! MMMMPH!
{inner monologue} {angy} This presumptuous human dares lay her hand on ME? I don’t care what might be inside her, I’m going to make it outside- {considering} Wait. What’s that noise?
That doesn’t sound like- oh. Oh, those are goblins. And she wanted me to be quiet, and now they heard us, and- oops. Why did I not sense them coming? Goblins wouldn’t know stealth if it snuck up behind them and ripped their legs off, I should’ve heard them from miles away. This doesn’t make any sense… Oh, well. I suppose it doesn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things. Just a few more goblins to kill. If she’d just let go of me… wait, but I don’t want to reveal myself. That makes this much more difficult. Can I kill all these green idiots in my human form? {concerned} Oh, wow, that’s… a worrying amount. Where are they all coming from? All right, I think I can take- wait, what? Human? What are you doing?
{out loud} Why are you getting in front of me? That is far too many goblins for any human to handle, we need to run!
{internal monologue} {flustered} Wha? What does she mean by that? And why does she have to be this lovely as she says it? That’s unfair!
{out loud} No- you can’t-
{internal monologue} {upset} Oh, the stupid, brave, self-sacrificial idiot! She’s gonna get herself killed if I don’t help her- wait, what?
{taken aback} She’s- oh, wow, that’s quite impressive. That’s- wow. I’ve never seen a human fight like that.
{confused} Huh? Why’s she looking back… Is she angry? What?
She’s yelling something… She wants me to run? Wha- {realization} OHHHHH- She thinks I’m in danger, and she’s trying to protect me! She wants to- {touched} aw. That’s the sweetest thing… My heart- {serious} I need to keep this knight alive.
{realization} Oh! I have to pretend to be running, yes. I can’t help her here, much as I want to. Besides, it looks like she has it handled. Those goblins aren’t laying a claw on her, somehow. Guess it was a good decision to wear the armor.
{planning} I’ll come back for her later, and she can be happy that she kept me safe, and maybe I can use that to find out what’s wrong with her, oh, looks like she’s just about finished with those- {shock} wut.
What is that.
That’s a- that’s a freaking hellhound! What in the Low Realms is a hellhound doing here?
{protective} Okay, no, unacceptable. I am not risking my treasure- {concerned} the human. The human! Why did I just think of her as- never mind, time for that later.
{whoosh sfx}
{roar}
{desperate} Oh no, please don’t let me be too late…
{out loud} {furious} Stay away from my human!
{crunch sfx}
{triumph} Hah. That’ll teach you.
Did you get the last of the goblins, lady kni- {wary} What are you doing.
Put that sword down, please, I’m not your enemy.
Okay, no, no, calm down, there’s no need to get worked up.
This isn’t helping anything, can we just talk?
{upset} OW! All right, this has gone far enough
{magically resonant} Sleep.
{sigh} {fading out} What am I going to do with you?
{some indicator of a time skip}
{cordial} Good morning, lady knight. As promised, I brought you to my lair.
Oh, yes, you must be confused.
{whoosh sfx}
There, is that better?
{resigned} Yes. It was me the whole time.
No, it wasn’t. If it had been a game, you would be dead right now. Instead you’re alive, unharmed, even unrestrained, in the middle of my hoard.
Or didn’t you notice?
{amused} Yes, I thought that might get your attention. Being surrounded by enough gold to fill a palace ten times over generally does the trick where humans are involved, or so I am informed.
{annoyed} Fangbane? The sword that slew more of my kind in two years than any other managed in thousands? You want it back?
Tch, no, but I would’ve if I could. That butcher’s blade should’ve been melted down long ago. Alas, it was impervious even to my fire.
I thought that was clear: no, you can’t have it back. You can have another sword, even a magic one, but not that atrocity forged in steel.
{considering} That would seem to be the question of the hour, yes. “What are you doing here.” Well… why don’t you tell me? You were sent to kill me, that much is clear. But much more isn’t. I would like… an explanation.
{annoyed} Oh, come on. You’ve been interacting with me for days now. Do I really seem like the type of person who burns down villages at random? That excuse is worthless… and… {suspicious} I think we both know it. You were sent here for some other reason. What was it? Tell me, before I grow cross.
Oh, I believe they didn’t tell you. But, though I think you like to pretend otherwise, dumb is one thing you are not. You know more than you’re saying, so answer me. Please. Why does the king want me dead?
{stunned} That’s- that’s it? Of all the petty, arrogant, stupid- I’m not even going to bother trying with that. {snort} And humans use dragons as symbols of greed.
{explaining something obvious} Yes. Because I like gold, its color, its luster. And because I enjoy living comfortably. {disgust} Not just… to have more than others.
Even if you don’t want to concede the difference, surely it does not escape you that I earned all of this, not just killed its old owner and stole it.
{offended} Of course I did! The very idea of taking something unearned… ugh.
{considering} You really know so little of my kind…
All of this, though… brings us back to you. You were sent here, presumably because you’re the kingdom’s best knight, the one with the highest chance of victory. You weren’t given any backup because there’s only one Fangbane. And you were fed a lie about me slaughtering innocents to make the job go down easier, but something in you knew that it was a lie. Tell me, am I hitting the mark with these?
So, my question becomes… why didn’t you? You had me at the point of your blade, and with a sword like that and skills like yours, you could’ve done it. If you wanted me dead, I would be, draconic magic and might notwithstanding. Instead, all I have is a scratch on my snout- {venomous} yes, that is the scar on my nose. Injuries do carry over, thank you so much for noticing.
{curious} And now you’re sorry. I don’t think I understand you at all, no matter how hard I try. Please, answer me. I want to.
Wha- {sigh} {exasperated} Well, if you were so certain it was a lie, why come here in the first place? If you felt you were given unjust orders, you could’ve just left the kingdom. Plenty of other places need knights, and there’s always work to be found as a sellsword. You risked much to gain… nothing, as best as I can see.
{dangerous} He… he what?
The king threatened to…
{cold} No. No, that is unacceptable.
No one threatens my human.
Yes, my human. I- {sigh} {warmer} I believe an explanation is in order. You see, I finally figured out what I’ve been feeling these past few days. At first, I thought it might be love, and, well, I suppose it is, of a kind: hoarding instinct. I feel hoarding instinct when I look at you. I saw you for the first time, and something in me just knew. You are the most precious treasure in this entire cavern, and I need to protect and keep you until the end of time, like the work of art you are.
{worried} Ohh, that’s not a good expression. Did I say something wrong? Come on too strong? I promise, living here won’t be bad at all, it’s quite a comfortable lair, whether I’m in human form or dragon. I maintain a good relationship with the villagers, too, so we can even go down to Wylgrith on day trips, as long as you don’t try to leave. You understand the importance of that, I trust.
{calming} No, no, don’t get all worked up. There’s no need to do something we’ll both regret.
Please, calm down. We’re both rational people, let’s discuss this as such.
{harder} Human, I don’t want to put you to sleep again. Don’t make me.
{pleased} Good, that’s much better. Now, what are your objections?
Mhm, mhm… {logical} Well, in point of fact, no, you don’t have a home anymore. If you go back without proof of my demise, the king will have you executed, will he not?
As I thought. So there’s nowhere else for you to be. As to your next point, of course I won’t keep you as a pet, you’re a sentient human. You have your own free will, thoughts, ideas, desires, the whole package. You would never be a pet. You will be my treasure. Very different thing, and it means I will want to keep you close, keep you safe, and stare at your radiance for as long as draconically possible.
{considering} Well, no, I haven’t heard of this. A living part of a dragon’s hoard? I believe it’s unprecedented, since nothing but gold lasts forever. Nevertheless, we’ll figure something out, we can make it work. And this doesn’t reflect strangely on me, you needn’t worry. I am one of the eldest dragons of this age, the young are used to my… peculiarities by now.
{pleased} Ah, yes, I wondered when we would get to that point. No, as a matter of fact, the king will not be sending other knights, or mages, or armies after me. I will not be killed like that, and you will not be reclaimed by them. And do you wish to know why?
{colder than ice} Because I am going to burn this kingdom to the ground. {amused} Naturally. I could overlook the attempt on my life - it brought me the most precious treasure I have ever known, after all, - I could forgive the use of Fangbane, since now I can make sure it never harms one of my kind again, I could even somewhat tolerate the blatant lies spread about me as flimsy justification. {angry} What I cannot accept, however, is what they have done to you. Threats on your life, on your body, on those you protect, promises of execution, forcing you to stain your soul against your will… no. No one is permitted to harm my human and live. This will, I admit, be something of a first for dragonkind, actually killing humans instead of protecting them is practically unheard of. I may even face repercussions from my kind for this. I find it hard to care, though, these ones are only getting what they deserve, for their actions or their complacence.
Now you’re getting upset again. {soothing} Don’t worry, this isn’t a sign of my outlook changing. I still have no desire to harm humans, and the village is perfectly safe.
We were communicating so well a second ago, if we could return to that, I would be grateful.
I promise you, this shouting and carrying on is nothing but counterproductive.
{tired} Lady knight, if you are not capable of being objective, I will be forced to- oh, forget it.
{magically resonant} Sleep.
{gentle} {slowly fading out} I truly am sorry to do this to you, but I can’t have you fighting me on this. I don’t want you to be upset at me, treasure, so, by the time you wake, the cause of this contention will be gone.
Shh, shh. It’s okay. It’s just a simple sleep spell, you’ll wake up comfortable and well-rested.
There. It will all be fixed before you awaken. Don’t worry, my treasure, nothing will ever harm you again.

Intro: For your distinguished service to the crown, you’ve been assigned the difficult and dangerous job of slaying a dragon purported to have slaughtered a village on the outskirts of the kingdom. It’s a job you should be able to handle, and you’re not too scared… now, if only the whole thing felt less wrong…
Summary: Listener meets a new acquaintance who befriends him, and offers to guide him where he needs to go. They face a danger together, and he learns that she is not what she seems.
Go ahead and monetize, it's fine. Word count is about 3800.
If you fill this or plan to fill this, please notify me. Please don't make edits without asking first.
TWs: Running deception, combat, discussion of mass murder (dragon burning places to the ground), possessiveness, forced sleep
Line breaks represent the listener talking or space where no one talks and should be short pauses, words within {brackets} represent the speaker’s tone or sfx. At ellipses, the speaker trails off, and at dashes, she is either cut off abruptly by the listener or by herself.
Author’s Note: God, this took way too long to write. A couple months, if you count when I had the idea and when I wrote the first few sentences. Well, it’s here now, and I hope it’s not too disappointing. Prequel series go!
If you want to read this somewhere other than Reddit, it's also here.
M4F Version here.
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{internal monologue} {disgusted} Ugh, those damn livestock merchants charge more every time. Gouging bastards, {rationalization} but I do need them to stay silent. If the town finds out how much food I have to purchase every month, it’ll only end badly. Besides, it’s not like even this much bribery makes a dent in my hoard. I should really just be glad I haven’t met any merchants with integrity, that wouldn’t end well. Good thing it’s a vanishingly rare trait these days… {annoyance} wait, no, that’s not a good thing, what am I saying? It’s sad… but it does make my life easier. Well, that’s a hell of a conundrum. {sigh} {bored} Not one I haven’t dealt with before, though. Have this conversation with myself every time. Oh, well. What matters is the food’ll be delivered soon, I don’t have to go into hibernation, and the merchants won’t talk. Anything else I wanted to do before heading home? Hmm… I think I wanted to stop at the spice merchant, see how much- {interest} HELlo. Who is that?
{curiosity} What would a knight be doing here? I mean, I suppose the goblin raids have been getting more brazen, but the town guards seem to have it handled, I haven’t even needed to get involved yet. I guess he could be here about that, but it doesn’t feel right. Maybe he’s just passing through? Well, best way to find out is to go talk to-
{quiet} Oh, damn. That’s- oh, damn. Fuck, he’s hot. {forced calm} Okay, composure. You are an all-powerful dragon. You will not be thrown off your game by one mortal, no matter how shiny his armor is. And it’s only his armor you’ll be looking at, right? Right. Ignore that beautiful face, you just need to find out what he’s doing here, not-
{suspicious} Wait. Who’s he talking to? {upset} The spice merchant? And she’s BLUSHING? Uh-uh. No. Not gonna fly.
{out loud} {sickly sweet} Hiiiii, hello! It’s me again, I’m here to pick up some- Oh? Who’s this? A new friend?
Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were having a conversation. Please, continue. I can wait.
{cough}
Oh, no, don’t mind me, just looking at… cumin. My, this smells awfully strong.
So sorry to barge in again, uh, I would like to buy these.
Are you leaving? Well, it was lovely to meet you.
{internal monologue} Okay, let me just finish up here, and I can go talk to him.
{pleased} Hah! Look frustrated, spice skank. Serves you right. {confused} Wait, do I know your name? Have I ever asked your name? Eh, doesn’t matter right now, I don’t need to know everyone in the village. {disgust} Especially not someone who flirts with- {confusion} Wait, what am I doing? I don’t have any claim over some random knight, why am I acting like this?
{frustrated noise} Figure out internal dilemma later, find human now. Where’d he go?
Agh! Curse this mortal form’s short legs, I can’t see- wait! Shiny!
{out loud} Hey! Hey! Wait up!
{out of breath} Whew… Thought I was gonna… gonna lose you… for a minute.
Thanks. Only need… a few seconds…
{composed} Hi. I’m Tiamat*.* Sorry to chase after you like that, but I realized I didn’t catch your name?
Oh, that’s a lovely name. It suits you.
{pleased} Oh, flatterer. {internal monologue} He’s smooth, isn’t he? I was expecting all muscle, no brain. I understand why the spice merchant was blushing now, I guess. {out loud} I just wanted to ask you… uh, I wanted to ask you what you were doing at the spice merchant’s? Usually passers-through don’t stop there when they can get their salt cheaper elsewhere.
Oh, that’s interesting! I didn’t know you could find that here.
Oh, no, I don’t spend very much time there. I mostly go in, buy what I need for my next few weeks of meals, and leave. Other places to be. More important places.
{laugh} Well. You certainly know the way to a woman’s heart. {internal monologue} A knight with both manners and a sense of humor… who’d have thought?
{out loud} Wonderful. So, what brings you to Wylgrith? It’s not a large settlement by any means, and well out of the way of… everything, really. What reason would a mighty royal knight have for stopping by? Were you sent to handle the goblins that-
{stunned} …Say what now?
The dragon? You were sent to kill the DRAGON?
Can you… not?
{off-balance} I mean- uh- Well, I don’t see why you would, do I? After all, the dragon hasn’t been seen or heard from in years, right? And even before that she didn’t harm any humans for decades. She-
I- uhhh… I guess I’m guessing she’s a ‘she?’ I did see her once, flying overhead, though, and she looked like a girl dragon. Kind of slender.
I… suppose ‘it’ works as well, yeah. {quiet, sad} A little hurtful, though…
{back on track} Nothing, nothing. So, why are you killing the dragon, again? I don’t think… it… has even harmed a human in living memory.
{sputtering} What? No it didn’t!
I- I think I would know if it burned down a village. I mean, this place is still standing, right?
A different- Well, I’m sure she wouldn’t have done anything like-
{quickly} No, no, I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve met the thing, right? But it hasn’t burned down this village, so why would-
{tentative} Oh. They said that?
Right to the king?
Right in the middle of court, where everyone could hear it?
{sad} I guess that settles that, then. The dragon needs to die.
{internal monologue} Damn. What a waste of such a handsome knight. There’s no chance he could possibly beat me on his own, so he’s going to end up- wait, on his own?
{out loud} {confused} And the king sent you? Alone, I mean? No army, or squad of knights, or cadre of mages? Why would he do that?
{awed} Oh. Oh, that is a very magic sword.
Well, no, I haven’t. But- but you can just tell, can’t you? It’s glowing! And it’s covered in some kind of weird letters, those have to be magical, right?
{internal monologue} {hesitant} Okay. That’s somewhat worrying. Even with all the useless sigils and that pointless glow siphoning its energy, I can feel the power rippling off that thing. Where did he ever find- No, that doesn’t matter. Could it level the playing field? Give him a chance? Hard to tell, I think, my senses in this form aren’t as-
{out loud} I’m sorry, what? I was distracted. Uh- it’s a very pretty sword.
{taken aback} That’s- that’s a good name for it. Very dangerous-sounding.
{internal monologue}{stressed} ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FANGBANE? HE FOUND FANGBANE? HOW IN THE- {forced composure} no, I’m calm, I’m calm, it’s fine. It’s not worrying at all that he has the most dangerous dragon-slaying sword ever forged. Wow, this very quickly went from “I don’t want to fight him, I don’t want to kill him” to “I don’t want to fight him, I don’t want to die.” Okay, time to nip this in the bud.
{out loud} Wow, it’s done that much? I never would’ve guessed that, it looks much too fancy for that. So… you can actually kill the dragon?
{hesitant} You’re right, I suppose. If it burned a village, it does deserve that. Well… *{resolve}*Do you know how to find its lair?
No, it’s not. If it was, everyone would be constantly in there robbing the hoard, wouldn’t we? Everyone knows that the lair is somewhere on the mountain, but no one knows where.
{triumph} Yes. Except me. And I’ll guide you there.
{reasonable} We already agreed, right? If it burned down a village, killed that many people, it needs to be put down. I want to help with that, and besides, you need someone to take you there. You’ll never find it on your own, so you can’t be too choosy about who you bring, can you?
I like hiking, and the mountain isn’t dangerous if you’ve known what you were doing since you were a child. I found it once, but I ran immediately, because I didn’t want to risk angering the dragon. I think I can find it again, but it’ll be a long trip. Three days at minimum.
{internal monologue} {satisfied} Perfect. A few days wandering in the forest should discourage him, maybe I can even convince him I didn’t burn any village. {confused} Why would he have been told… {moving on} Doesn’t matter right now. What matters is getting him off my trail, and maybe getting to know him in the meantime… {upset} No! Stop that! Bad Tiamat! He’s literally trying to kill you. He is not a prospective mate, he isn’t even another dragon!
{sigh} {wistful} He is handsome, though, especially when the light catches his armor like that… No! Stop!
{out loud} {serious} We should set out soon, then. Do you have enough provisions for the trip?
Good, good. No time to waste, come on.
You’re hunting a dragon. A dragon. Don’t you think it might be wise to move before she- it catches wind of your presence?
Let’s go, then.
{some indicator of a time skip}
{amused} What, don’t tell me you’re getting tired? We’ve only been hiking for a couple hours today, aren’t you supposed to be a big, strong knight?
You could take off the armor, if it’s that hot.
{concession} All right, your decision. And I suppose wearing the armor was helpful when the tangler tree tried to grab you. Fine, we’ll stop for a bit.
How much is left in your waterskin?
Good, good. Mine’s pretty full, I haven’t felt thirsty in a while.
No, we’re definitely going in the right direction. {grasping at straws} I recognize… uh, that rock! Yeah. See how it kinda looks like a bear, if you tilt your head?
Really? Well, I see it. Anyway, I remember seeing that before. We’re about a day’s walk away from the lair, I’m almost certain.
You know, you never asked why I decided to hike in a random direction for three days. {internal monologue} {pleased} I have such a good story for it, too. It’ll leave you crying, and then maybe I can-
{out loud} {taken aback} You do?
What? You’re a royal knight, one of the most honored positions in the land. Why would you feel the need to escape?
{internal monologue} What? What was that? There for a second and then gone, was that… a crack in the charming exterior?
{out loud} No, no, I understand the feeling. I just… didn’t expect it from this quarter. Is something wrong at court? Are you-
{inner monologue} {protective} Oh… Oh his eyes… So sad… What did they do to you, my knight?
{out loud} Please, anything you can-
{confused} What? What’s wrong?
No, I’m not going to shush, we’re talking, and-
{muffled} Mmph! MMMMPH!
{inner monologue} {angy} This presumptuous human dares lay his hand on ME? I don’t care what might be inside him, I’m going to make it outside- {considering} Wait. What’s that noise?
That doesn’t sound like- oh. Oh, those are goblins. And he wanted me to be quiet, and now they heard us, and- oops. Why did I not sense them coming? Goblins wouldn’t know stealth if it snuck up behind them and ripped their legs off, I should’ve heard them from miles away. This doesn’t make any sense… Oh, well. I suppose it doesn’t matter, in the grand scheme of things. Just a few more goblins to kill. If he’d just let go of me… wait, but I don’t want to reveal myself. That makes this much more difficult. Can I kill all these green idiots in my human form? {concerned} Oh, wow, that’s… a worrying amount. Where are they all coming from? All right, I think I can take- wait, what? Human? What are you doing?
{out loud} Why are you getting in front of me? That is far too many goblins for any human to handle, we need to run!
{internal monologue} {flustered} Wha? What does he mean by that? And why does he have to be this handsome as he says it? That’s unfair!
{out loud} No- you can’t-
{internal monologue} {upset} Oh, the stupid, brave, self-sacrificial idiot! He’s gonna get himself killed if I don’t help him- wait, what?
{taken aback} He’s- oh, wow, that’s quite impressive. That’s- wow. I’ve never seen a human fight like that.
{confused} Huh? Why’s he looking back… Is he angry? What?
He’s yelling something… He wants me to run? Wha- {realization} OHHHHH- He thinks I’m in danger, and he’s trying to protect me! He wants to- {touched} aw. That’s the sweetest thing… My heart- {serious} I need to keep this knight alive.
{realization} Oh! I have to pretend to be running, yes. I can’t help him here, much as I want to. Besides, it looks like he has it handled. Those goblins aren’t laying a claw on him, somehow. Guess it was a good decision to wear the armor.
{planning} I’ll come back for him later, and he can be happy that he kept me safe, and maybe I can use that to find out what’s wrong with him, oh, looks like he’s just about finished with those- {shock} wut.
What is that.
That’s a- that’s a freaking hellhound! What in the Low Realms is a hellhound doing here?
{protective} Okay, no, unacceptable. I am not risking my treasure- {concerned} the human. The human! Why did I just think of him as- never mind, time for that later.
{whoosh sfx}
{roar}
{desperate} Oh no, please don’t let me be too late…
{out loud} {furious} Stay away from my human!
{crunch sfx}
{triumph} Hah. That’ll teach you.
Did you get the last of the goblins, sir kni- {wary} What are you doing.
Put that sword down, please, I’m not your enemy.
Okay, no, no, calm down, there’s no need to get worked up.
This isn’t helping anything, can we just talk?
{upset} OW! All right, this has gone far enough
{magically resonant} Sleep.
{sigh} {fading out} What am I going to do with you?
{some indicator of a time skip}
{cordial} Good morning, sir knight. As promised, I brought you to my lair.
Oh, yes, you must be confused.
{whoosh sfx}
There, is that better?
{resigned} Yes. It was me the whole time.
No, it wasn’t. If it had been a game, you would be dead right now. Instead you’re alive, unharmed, even unrestrained, in the middle of my hoard.
Or didn’t you notice?
{amused} Yes, I thought that might get your attention. Being surrounded by enough gold to fill a palace ten times over generally does the trick where humans are involved, or so I am informed.
{annoyed} Fangbane? The sword that slew more of my kind in two years than any other managed in thousands? You want it back?
Tch, no, but I would’ve if I could. That butcher’s blade should’ve been melted down long ago. Alas, it was impervious even to my fire.
I thought that was clear: no, you can’t have it back. You can have another sword, even a magic one, but not that atrocity forged in steel.
{considering} That would seem to be the question of the hour, yes. “What are you doing here.” Well… why don’t you tell me? You were sent to kill me, that much is clear. But much more isn’t. I would like… an explanation.
{annoyed} Oh, come on. You’ve been interacting with me for days now. Do I really seem like the type of person who burns down villages at random? That excuse is worthless… and… {suspicious} I think we both know it. You were sent here for some other reason. What was it? Tell me, before I grow cross.
Oh, I believe they didn’t tell you. But, though I think you like to pretend otherwise, dumb is one thing you are not. You know more than you’re saying, so answer me. Please. Why does the king want me dead?
{stunned} That’s- that’s it? Of all the petty, arrogant, stupid- I’m not even going to bother trying with that. {snort} And humans use dragons as symbols of greed.
{explaining something obvious} Yes. Because I like gold, its color, its luster. And because I enjoy living comfortably. {disgust} Not just… to have more than others.
Even if you don’t want to concede the difference, surely it does not escape you that I earned all of this, not just killed its old owner and stole it.
{offended} Of course I did! The very idea of taking something unearned… ugh.
{considering} You really know so little of my kind…
All of this, though… brings us back to you. You were sent here, presumably because you’re the kingdom’s best knight, the one with the highest chance of victory. You weren’t given any backup because there’s only one Fangbane. And you were fed a lie about me slaughtering innocents to make the job go down easier, but something in you knew that it was a lie. Tell me, am I hitting the mark with these?
So, my question becomes… why didn’t you? You had me at the point of your blade, and with a sword like that and skills like yours, you could’ve done it. If you wanted me dead, I would be, draconic magic and might notwithstanding. Instead, all I have is a scratch on my snout- {venomous} yes, that is the scar on my nose. Injuries do carry over, thank you so much for noticing.
{curious} And now you’re sorry. I don’t think I understand you at all, no matter how hard I try. Please, answer me. I want to.
Wha- {sigh} {exasperated} Well, if you were so certain it was a lie, why come here in the first place? If you felt you were given unjust orders, you could’ve just left the kingdom. Plenty of other places need knights, and there’s always work to be found as a sellsword. You risked much to gain… nothing, as best as I can see.
{dangerous} He… he what?
The king threatened to…
{cold} No. No, that is unacceptable.
No one threatens my human.
Yes, my human. I- {sigh} {warmer} I believe an explanation is in order. You see, I finally figured out what I’ve been feeling these past few days. At first, I thought it might be love, and, well, I suppose it is, of a kind: hoarding instinct. I feel hoarding instinct when I look at you. I saw you for the first time, and something in me just knew. You are the most precious treasure in this entire cavern, and I need to protect and keep you until the end of time, like the work of art you are.
{worried} Ohh, that’s not a good expression. Did I say something wrong? Come on too strong? I promise, living here won’t be bad at all, it’s quite a comfortable lair, whether I’m in human form or dragon. I maintain a good relationship with the villagers, too, so we can even go down to Wylgrith on day trips, as long as you don’t try to leave. You understand the importance of that, I trust.
{calming} No, no, don’t get all worked up. There’s no need to do something we’ll both regret.
Please, calm down. We’re both rational people, let’s discuss this as such.
{harder} Human, I don’t want to put you to sleep again. Don’t make me.
{pleased} Good, that’s much better. Now, what are your objections?
Mhm, mhm… {logical} Well, in point of fact, no, you don’t have a home anymore. If you go back without proof of my demise, the king will have you executed, will he not?
As I thought. So there’s nowhere else for you to be. As to your next point, of course I won’t keep you as a pet, you’re a sentient human. You have your own free will, thoughts, ideas, desires, the whole package. You would never be a pet. You will be my treasure. Very different thing, and it means I will want to keep you close, keep you safe, and stare at your radiance for as long as draconically possible.
{considering} Well, no, I haven’t heard of this. A living part of a dragon’s hoard? I believe it’s unprecedented, since nothing but gold lasts forever. Nevertheless, we’ll figure something out, we can make it work. And this doesn’t reflect strangely on me, you needn’t worry. I am one of the eldest dragons of this age, the young are used to my… peculiarities by now.
{pleased} Ah, yes, I wondered when we would get to that point. No, as a matter of fact, the king will not be sending other knights, or mages, or armies after me. I will not be killed like that, and you will not be reclaimed by them. And do you wish to know why?
{colder than ice} Because I am going to burn this kingdom to the ground.{amused} Naturally. I could overlook the attempt on my life - it brought me the most precious treasure I have ever known, after all, - I could forgive the use of Fangbane, since now I can make sure it never harms one of my kind again, I could even somewhat tolerate the blatant lies spread about me as flimsy justification. {angry} What I cannot accept, however, is what they have done to you. Threats on your life, on your body, on those you protect, promises of execution, forcing you to stain your soul against your will… no. No one is permitted to harm my human and live. This will, I admit, be something of a first for dragonkind, actually killing humans instead of protecting them is practically unheard of. I may even face repercussions from my kind for this. I find it hard to care, though, these ones are only getting what they deserve, for their actions or their complacence.
Now you’re getting upset again. {soothing} Don’t worry, this isn’t a sign of my outlook changing. I still have no desire to harm humans, and the village is perfectly safe.
We were communicating so well a second ago, if we could return to that, I would be grateful.
I promise you, this shouting and carrying on is nothing but counterproductive.
{tired} Sir knight, if you are not capable of being objective, I will be forced to- oh, forget it.
{magically resonant} Sleep.
{gentle} {slowly fading out} I truly am sorry to do this to you, but I can’t have you fighting me on this. I don’t want you to be upset at me, treasure, so, by the time you wake, the cause of this contention will be gone.
Shh, shh. It’s okay. It’s just a simple sleep spell, you’ll wake up comfortable and well-rested.
There. It will all be fixed before you awaken. Don’t worry, my treasure, nothing will ever harm you again.

Thanks to Patron Member u/Entharo_entho - Here is the wiped out Tweet retrieved
Context - Wiped out from Internet
In March, I got a chance to work with filmmaker Sanjay Leela Bhansali right after he made Gangubai Kathiawadi, and Alia Bhatt, playing the titular character in the film, retweeted me.
The headline (in my head) was going to be, ‘The Boy From Kamathipura Goes To Bhansali Mandi.’
Then reality struck in April.
One of my closest friends Sweta called me from the Shivapuri National Park near Kathmandu and put me on speaker. Two other friends Mona and Ayush were listening to the WhatsApp call.
‘How’s it going with Bhansu?’ Sweta asked.
‘We are not working together anymore,’ I said.
‘Whaaaaaaaat?’ the three people shrieked, creating a wavy disturbance in audio frequency.
‘Whyyyyy?’ they cried, collectively anguished.
‘He said he is not feeling the vibes.’
‘What?’
‘Vibes,’ I said aloud, causing a seismic tremor in the audio frequency.
‘What vibes?’ Sweta jibed, ‘Maybe he can’t feel the vibrator.’
Laughter upped the vibes.
First, a little context on how I got that far. Check this, this, this & this.
So my tweets were going viral in February-March.
In the second week of March, a woman DM’d me saying she loves the tweets. I said thank you. She said she works at Bhansali Productions.
Whoopsie Daisy!
I asked if I could be a part of the production. She checked with SLB and team. He said he wants to meet now.
NOW!
How?
I was in Calcutta.
I called an actor friend in Bombay and told him about it.
“They will book your tickets and put you up in 5-star,” he said, “Like Hollywood.”
“This is Bhansaliwood,” I said, “Yahan dhanda hamesha manda hai.”
I flew (on my own expense) and met him.
I was ‘prepared’ by his team for the meeting with His High and Mightiness.
I was told:

Arre, then what do I say?
I sashayed in a brown kurta and white linen trousers. Please see Madhuri Dixit-Nene’s brown ghagra for aesthetic reference I used from my very limited wardrobe of the only kurta I had at the time. By the way, the chorus sings ‘Jhanak Jhanak Payal Baaje,’ aesthetically referencing you know what, right?
He was lunching with his minions (strictly calling them minions from his pov) when I arrived in his pristine white dining hall in a building called Magnum Opus. Where else should he reside, no? Both his house, and his office (where I was ‘prepared’ earlier) were tastefully done in creamy white.
It was, as I said to my friend later, like walking into a cumulus cloud, or like sitting on his favourite singer Lata Mangeshkar’s lap. Calm, serene and quite surreal. I was inside his snow globe. Violins from a Bach concerto (in my head) were replaced with say Madan Mohan’s doleful rendition of ‘Mai ri main ka se kahoon peedh apne jiya ki.’ (Side effect of writing this on Mother’s Day.)
I look for books when I enter a house for signs of intelligent life. There were lots of lamps and candelabras but where were the stacks of books they were perched on? The aesthetic was high on film set disposable kitsch. I stared into a cumulative void.
The minions were intensely debating Darjeeling momos. What’s that? I spent my childhood there. Never heard of this GI tag!
SLB relished his meal and said, “I want puranpoli today.”
Puranpoli appeared not out of thin air, but a house-help flipping wishes instantly on a griddle on the fifth floor. We were on the first floor. Although the puranpoli is shaped like a flying saucer, it doesn’t fly, perhaps burdened by the weight of excess ghee and crowd-pleasing expectation. It does, however, reach SLB’s plate at the speed of light.
‘Give him some,’ he asked a minion to serve me while I waited on the sofa.
‘I’ve had lunch, thank you,’ I said, trying to behave. The plate arrived. I took a mousy bite to exhibit my failing attempt to transform into a champion minion.
When he came to chat, he noticed the unfinished food and gently reminded me how there were days he went hungry. I should have rolled my eyes for my own lean days.
‘One should not waste food,’ he said.
‘I don’t,’ I said, ‘I was going to parcel it home in a doggy bag.’
Hearing the word doggy, his well-behaved dog came over to inspect me.
He observed me. I petted her perfunctorily. Am a cat person. Stereotypical writer stuff — allergic to undesired petting and attention.
‘So, what have you done?’ he asked, sitting on a sort of empire-style bergere chair. Full marks for faux-ornate.
‘A novel, some writing for a series,’ I said nervously, dismissively.
‘Anything I might have seen?’ he asked.
‘No, not worthwhile.’
‘Are you interested in direction also?’
‘No, am not delusional.’
A moment passed. I might have displayed an errant repartee.
‘I mean, I can only write, or am trying to,’ I said. L’esprit de l’escalier.
He gave me a spiel on writing, how screenplay is an art not many understand, etc, et cetera.
I nodded to make his voice disappear.
‘What are you writing now?’
I showed him the cover of my new book, The Last Courtesan, featuring my mother, on my phone.
‘Oh, this is so fascinating,’ he said.
He spoke rapturously about Calcutta’s great food and colonial architecture when I mentioned growing up in Bowbazar kothas. If you watch any of his interviews now on YouTube you will realise he only speaks in raptures. He’s always explaining things like an impassioned conductor at a dime-store opera. It can exhaust the boorish audience immediately. He spoke about living in the Kamathipura area as a child when I said I had lived there. The mythmaker was interested in exoticising his own legend as an ‘outsider’.
‘But how will you work here if your mother is in Calcutta?’ he said, ‘I am a maa-ka-bhakt.’
Everything is about him or his mother. I have reached that stage too, though only by circumstances unavoidable.
‘Actually it was my mother who asked me to come here. I told her it would only work out if you understand that I will have to vacillate between the two cities initially. Jaise Sanjay ki Leela hai, waise meri Rekha.’
Corny dialogue, but worked. No one calls him by his first name, except perhaps his own mother. He is sir for everyone.
‘If I am speaking to you for so long means I like you,’ he said. ‘Otherwise, I would have asked you to leave long ago.’
Barely five minutes into the conversation, he asked me to return to his office and inform his team that I was going to be a part of his writer’s room.
I went back to his office and read a script. This is the part I cannot mention. His legal team sits in the adjacent room.
I flew to Calcutta and was to return after a week. I had to make arrangements for my mother’s tri-weekly dialysis sessions at a nearby hospital, figure out a tiffin-delivery service for her, find a house help (she sent four nurses scurrying in the past), all of which is a bit of a task in this retrograde city.
Remember the woman who had DM’d me about my tweets? She messaged. She had met SLB after my meeting. He said this about me: ‘What a wonderful find. That boy has so much potential and is talented. Most importantly, he is sensitive.’
I told her I’d get this engraved on my tombstone.
Like how he wants to take Alia Bhatt’s golchakkar in Dholida to his grave.
“It’s a shot that I will take to my grave. If there’s any shot that I want to be played when I breathe my last, it would be Alia doing that shot. It is the best thing I have seen an actor do in a very long, long time.”
I was only emulating the high priest of hyperbole in my tombstone comment. Perhaps I was regressing into a minion.
I had only managed a few tasks for mother when I was back in Bombay. It worried me that the old, frail woman with shaky limbs and slurred speech was trying to be brave to send me to work. I hadn’t worked since the pandemic; she was in and out of hospitals so frequently that I had surrendered the thought of getting another job ever again. Taking care of her was my full-time job.
The first day in his office was to chill in my new, aesthetically pleasing kurta I had shopped for in Gariahat. There was a security camera in every corner that was apparently accessible on his phone. My skin tingled with this information. Chilled. He was at home. Probably watching. That’s a great way to create a myth.
The next day, there were more minions on the lunch table in his first floor apartment. The magically appearing steamy and fragrant sheera was delicious. A minion deemed it the best sheera in the city. I nodded to make that statement evaporate.
A courier boy interrupted for a document signature. SLB flared at a spelling mistake in the document papers.
‘Go wash your face and come back,’ he yelled at the young man.
The minions at the table laughed nervously. I so wished I was wearing a mask to cover my surprise emoji face.
The minions on the table were writers and assistant directors.
‘Dastavez,’ SLB said, ‘would that be correct to use?’
‘Kaaghzaat,’ the minion replied.
‘Kaaghzaat is paper, dastavez is document,’ said the second minion.
‘You always mislead me,’ SLB sternly reprimanded the first minion. ‘Don’t ever do that again.’
Only that minion tried to laugh, offering an apology. He shut the minion down.
My mask, my mask emoji face.
A third minion was sulking in a corner before I arrived for the writing session. This minion had reportedly offered a script suggestion, which he disliked and barked down. I liked this minion the most. Relatable.
A faint noise of a person running or perhaps just a rumbling sound from somewhere outside interrupted the room. He looked up at the ceiling and said, ‘No one lives there. Am certain it is a ghost. I hear running sounds all the time. I have heard sounds of furniture being dragged.’
I wondered if he actually believed in half the things he uttered, or was he just saying it to create enigma about himself. Mythical thoughts certainly kept him preoccupied.
Reality bored him. SLB had nothing good to say about the ‘current plague’ of South Indian films upsetting the Bollywood cartel. He compared them to a circus. He wasn’t kind to the actors he had worked with in his last film. He cracked lame jokes about everyone and everything. The minions laughed and kept him busy. I chuckled a few times to blend in. The mythmaker revelled in his prophesies about the impending doom of charlatans with no aesthetics: just crass, commercial peddlers pimping art. It was all said to amuse and bemuse while he fussed over the yellow shade of fabric from several swatches.
When he left for his music session, the minions bitched him out, and how! All the horror stories I had heard over the years about his moods, behaviour, language and violent temper were true. How else will he create myth about himself as a maestro? The Glomar response. Let the plebs indulge in hearsay. I will neither confirm nor deny. The minions sang effigy songs in happy tunes, if I may stretch this part a bit like his penchant for high camp.
That night, when I went to my actor friend’s house, where I was temporarily staying, I said to him, ‘I don’t think I will last a week there.’
I was rattled by how he spoke to the courier boy and the minions, with no filter. Well, at least it was clear he had no tact, endearing as that might be of a ‘genius’ if one compromises with his erratic behaviour. The CEO of his company does it beautifully and advises to develop a ‘thick hide’ around him. Cows, essentially.
Verve
The words genius, great, master, maverick, were so loosely bandied by his office staff even in his absence that I was tempted to add auteur, if they could spell or pronounce it. They worked in perpetual fear of him turning up at any hour and checking on their tidiness. A minion whined she wasn’t dressed appropriately for his surprise visit. Once, he even cut pay for unscheduled leave, said another minion. A minion narrated a shot he copied from a photographer in Gangubai Kathiawadi. Another minion recounted how he made her cry on shoot by screaming at her for a silly mistake. Minions couldn’t leave the office till his evenings were scheduled. It was a well-paying job so long as they did not have to see ‘chacha’s’ face and only applaud his cinematic sorcery.
His office team would assign me desk-work and warn me not to inform him about it.
‘What am I supposed to say if he asks?’
‘Make up something,’ I was told.
‘Why should I?’
‘You will slowly understand,’ I was told.
His team of assistants would sneak around me. I didn’t know who was reporting what back to him. He would interrogate the management team. They would lash out at me for informing the assistants. The management wanted to control me a certain way because ‘sir’ does not need to know everything. It was quite a guessing game. He had created an ecosystem of complete chaos and loved the hubbub. New people were hired for him to use the ‘new energy’ to rekindle the ‘old energy’ that needed to be reminded it could be snuffed out and replaced. He thrived on confusion because it all boiled down to him to sort out the mess. He was the provider so long as the minions ingratiated and served their grand master.
One time he called me upstairs, what his CEO called the god’s chamber aka the Shahenshah’s durbar: his office on the seventh floor. Walls were lined with giant posters of his films. We minions sat on the fifth floor. I was of course by now a week old in the toady mill. On the seventh floor, production team members, set designer, director assistant, young people sat on the floor, armed with notebooks and laptops, alert and sugar-tongued. He sat on a throne and dictated each one about their duty. A masseur massaged his leg. He asked me what I thought of a script. I said it was lovely. He asked me to elaborate. I said I liked a character’s resolve. He denied it was written. I said that’s my interpretation. A minion promptly backed me.
‘What changes do you suggest?’ he asked.
‘We should sit on it collectively and decide,’ I said.
He mumbled something. My suggestion was dismissed. I was dismissed. I bowed out. A minion whispered to me, ‘We all walk on eggshells around him.’ I had to be a chicken in a coop I suppose.
Another time he dismissed my suggestion for a scene saying, ‘That’s not how art is made.’ I had referenced a scene from Bandit Queen to illustrate my point. Just like his entire oeuvre is homage to a classic. How else does he make his art?
Allow me to illustrate with a frame from his first film Khamoshi: The Musical. The second image is from Pakeezah.
Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam references Red Beard, Woh 7 Din.
Devdas references Pakeezah more than once.
Black references The Miracle Worker.
Saawariya references Pyaasa, Awaara.
Guzaarish references Whose Life Is It Anyway?
Goliyon Ki Raasleela: Ram-Leela references Franco Zeffirelli’s Romeo and Juliet, West Side Story.
Bajirao Mastani references Mughal-E-Azam.
Padmaavat references Mirch Masala.
Gangubai Kathiawadi, let’s give him the benefit of doubt is all his own, original artistry.
The American filmmaker Jim Jarmusch once meta quoted the French filmmaker Jean-Luc Godard when he said:
“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or fuels your imagination. Devour old films, new films, music, books, paintings, photographs, poems, dreams, random conversations, architecture, bridges, street signs, trees, clouds, bodies of water, light and shadows. Select only things to steal from that speak directly to your soul. If you do this, your work (and theft) will be authentic. Authenticity is invaluable; originality is non-existent. And don’t bother concealing your thievery — celebrate it if you feel like it. In any case, always remember what Jean-Luc Godard said: “It’s not where you take things from — it’s where you take them to.”
SLB believes he takes art and betters it, removing the grubby coat of slime from the sublime, often not concerned with acknowledging the source. He is a master’s master, elevating it to an otherworldly experience, the creator of a mythoverse.
He asked me to rewrite a scene I didn’t agree with. He banged the script folders on the table like a petulant, little child. I watched his posture change into a frump. Tiger Shroff’s ‘Bacchi ho kya,’ dialogue comes to mind.
‘You are talking like those critics who find fault but don’t know how to write. They should write the film,’ he said.
That argument will never make sense to me but since I write movies now and not just about them, I rewrote the scene in half an hour and showed it to him. He found it rubbish.
I was not called to the writer’s room for a week.
His CEO said I should go to his house; hang around him, like the other assistants whose only purpose in life is to feed his ego. We are slaves to his vision, she said. She thought I was a better writer than the team he had assembled. ‘From whatever I read, only three lines of your work on social media, I could sense it,’ she said.
Either she was encouraging, or bluffing with a perfectly Zen face. From the hundreds of Ganesh idols stacked in her room, it was clear she wasn’t a reader. She was good at reading numbers, data, and stats. She would sense a sign if one of the metal idols sucked milk from a spoon on the day she enquired about box –office figures.
There was more than one right-wing hardliner in his office. Secular staff was invisible. A pretty minion in baby pink t-shirt, whose main grouse was that another minion called him a Barbie doll, said he was happy with the Modi government building roads in his home state Bihar. Another minion countered him by asking: What about the persecution of minorities by the same government? The pretty minion said he didn’t care for that. He was assisting ‘sir’ because he wanted to be an actor. Which lead me to wonder how many Muslim actors has this production worked with? Silly of me to think, right? Given that I myself don’t use my Muslim surname. I’ve now successfully planted a myth in your head. That’s how it works.
In the time that I was in Versova during my brief stint at Bhansali Productions, I met several people with their own SLB horror story. A producer said, ‘He is a difficult man but life changes for good after you work with him. Some people want to go through hell first. Life bann jaati hai.’ I didn’t understand why purgatory was necessary. Another former assistant said, ‘When you work with the worst (SLB) and the best (KJO), you are ready for the rest.’
A young woman gave him a thesis she wrote on his films. He asked her to write a book on her. She said she wanted to assist as a director. She never heard from him. A filmmaker said SLB was too friendly with another assistant, suggesting intimacy. A writer wasn’t given credit in a film.
Another writer was promised his script will be turned into a film but it never took off and now he feels his life has been ruined. A young filmmaker’s debut movie SLB produced was delayed, not promoted, and called ‘kachra’ to his face.
The young man said SLB is sexist, homophobe, classist, fat shamer, emotional abuser, and a body shamer. “He is a joyless pit of darkness where happiness goes to die. And those are the nicest words I can think of to describe him,” he said. Another filmmaker said a choreographer was in a relationship with SLB and wanted to marry him but he wouldn’t even touch her, a hotly discussed conversation amongst his minions.
Everything sounds hokum. A successful man is likely to upset a few. The few will talk. Their words may ring true through a gossamer veil of implausibility. Myths magnifying his persona.
There are too many myths about his personal life, aroused by his silence on the subject but all too obvious in his work. When people want to confirm with me, I am equally appalled at their lack of aesthetics. Like the great reader of curtains, Edgar Allan Poe, you only have to look at SLB’s use of billowy curtains in films to guess.

Above stanza, courtesy Poe, poem: The Raven.
Hope you get the drift, or draft, hawa ka jhonka! By the way, am digressing now, is the weirdly named character Sameer Rosselline in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam the first mainstream Hindi film hero to pass wind? The ruffled curtains are first to be cautioned though.
Unlike most people willing to swallow their pride to work with SLB, few like the eponymous Gangubai character choose izzat. The house-help employed in my actor friend’s house was asked to work as a cook in his house. When she heard the whimsy, dessert-craving demands, she declined the offer. I identify with her no-nonsense style.
In November 2021, a filmmaker read a film script I wrote and said, ‘This is SLB territory. Only he can make it. It is the modern love-story he has been wanting to make for a long time.’
‘Are you sure?’ I asked, somewhat flattered but also bewildered.
‘Yes, we just have to change the setting from Calcutta-Bombay to Calcutta-New York. It is what he has been trying to crack. I’ll get him to read it.’
I never spoke to SLB about my script. I did not want to look like a schemer. I had only got a chance because of my mother’s story. I had come to write courtesan songs. Hindi films are recognised by their songs. His films have show tunes that live on long after the sequins and mirrors reflect a decadent style. He employs the old-fashioned method of making Hindi films, which is to stitch scenes around a song, not the other way round. And when you glean your references from the best of classical melodies, how can you falter?
My own SLB story is that after watching Saawariya in 2007, I wrote a few songs, moved to Bombay, lived in Versova, close to Magnum Opus, and hoped to meet him, but made no effort even though I came in close contact with people who worked directly with him. I never requested for a meeting. Over the years, I too had heard a few horror stories about him. I only believe in what I see. I waited when he would call for me, my work would have to speak for itself.
A day before Good Friday, his CEO sat me down and said it’s not working out.
There’s a mythical story of how Lata Mangeshkar was on her way to record a song for SLB but the heavens poured and she had to turn her car back. A typical SLB frame of hope and hopelessness.
Never work with your idols. You’ll have a better story to imagine and create myths.
I was so relieved to leave. I hadn’t got a moment to read, or write, let alone think since I got here. Why I wanted to work with SLB was to not believe in hearsay. I will either confirm or deny.
‘Great,’ I said, ‘everyone deserves an off on Good Friday.’
The office was unsure about public holidays. SLB’s mood dictated the calendar.
Before returning to Calcutta, I met a friend entrenched in the film business.
When she heard of the fiasco, she said, ‘I’ve heard he is very anal, is he?’
The vibrator jokes never stop.