What kind of high do aderall give

I feel a burning sensation over my left kidney. They did this before, and I could feel every organ lighting up as they said they were targeting each and giving me cancers. They can create pockets of certain forms of radiation that they use to remotely attack and harm people. They torture them until they kill themselves as well. They think they are impervious to damage, and that they can never be found, but they are not and they can be found.
Apparently, this Nick guy that is my main attacker, thinks he can sell lies as truth, and truth as lies, and that they are somehow indistinguishable from each other. They aren't. They are separate and everyone else can see it. You do NOT, have to bite into the gold painted dog turd, that is Nick, to know he is a turd. If you know what you are doing and you bite me gently, just enough to see what is underneath, you will realize I am actually gold inside. I never intentionally did anything that wrong before. I may have said the wrong wording for someone to understand before, but it was not meant in bad intention ever.
I never harmed anyone in any illegal way. They keep rambling about some stupid messed up rape story? I am not sure entirely what that is about, but I definitely NEVER would ever do that to some poor person. I always protected the women in my life around me. In other cultures, they don't understand how you can give a shit about the average person and still be a good person inside. EVERYONE else who got there got there, got there, through lies, and deceit, which is just lies marked as doodoo. People often think they are courageous until they are actually in the battlefield, and others, others have been in the battlefield for so long that they let bullets pass beside their heads, without flinching. I have been in this battle for so long with this group of people, that torture is a regular thing now. It seems to be how they like to operate, but that is not good. The difference between what they say they will do and actually do is spread far apart as well. I know that they have been doing this to other practically or totally innocent people for a long time. We are just random kills that they do for initiation as well. Doesn't really matter what kind of a person you are with the people around you, or the lengths you went to to ensure others well being. Same thing like that crazy nightclub shooting story from a while back. Or there were theater ones when I was a kid that I used to hear about for a while. That is essentially what Nick and his associates do to people who never deserved it. I did more good than bad in my life, so at the pearly gates, I am good to go. Are you?!
They essentially wanted to repeatedly pull down my pants over and over again in front of people legitimately, and jokingly too. They even said "Show us your d*ck" to me while in the kitchen a couple of times. They won't accept that I was a good person, and they are in denial there. I helped my friends when I saw how to help them, I tried, but some of them took it in the wrong way. My friend D@v1d was all over this girl who I really liked, and I left the social circle there so he could have what he wanted, but he never got that. I actually did a lot of good things that are not going noticed as valued, like how my moral values of taking dollars to not stop nick from killing more innocent people, doesn't have a noticed value, How would you appraise this?? Would you take money and a short life after you diagnosed with diseases because of what these weapons did to you? or do you keep fighting it, and say "Look, there is no figure one can place on that at this point, if not ever"?

• Robert William Christie

Long post ahead so bear with me.
I’m 24F dating my 24M boyfriend for 4 years. Overall I’d say our relationship has been pretty good - no serious issues until now, all of our fights have been over his tendency to be moody or passive aggressive.
Some background information: I’m on the neurodivergent spectrum and suffer from depressive episodes, but I’m high functioning because I don’t want it to affect my professional life or anyone else but me. A side effect of that has been my tendency to isolate myself from everyone, which I’ve done for the majority of our relationship - sometimes I didn’t interact with anyone at all except for my family and my bf. I haven’t gone a single day in the last 6 years without any contact with him.
I realized that this wasn’t healthy so this year I decided to try and come out of my shell and build more friendships. It’s a bit hard but I’ve been working on it slowly, and one of my newfound friends was one of my bf’s friends, J (23M), as well - they had been friends for about a year at this point. We hit it off pretty well and as someone who’s really bad at friendships I enjoyed talking to J, but it was strictly platonic - nothing out of the ordinary, exactly like every friendship I have/have ever had. Please keep in mind I did not prioritize interactions I had with J or anyone else over ones I had with my bf.
While my bf initially really liked J, around the time we started becoming friends he started to sour on J until he eventually just started icing him because he didn’t like anything about him all of a sudden, and the only reason he could come up with was “J was annoying.” He also told me he found it “weird” that he chose to be friends with his friend’s gf (confused about that one because I met some of my closest friends through him/his circles). I reassure him that there’s nothing weird going on and my friendship with J is, once again, platonic. In all honesty, I also didn’t really think much of it because I didn’t find J to be annoying and my bf has had a pattern of disliking some of my friends for no apparent reason, even if he’d never talked to them. (My friends are all just goofy nerds so I never really got why.)
3 weeks ago my bf tells me he thinks J is trying to sleep with me but he has no evidence or thoughts to support this. I’m obviously shocked and once again reassure him that I’ve never picked up sleazy vibes from J and he’s never been inappropriate with me. I’ve had really creepy encounters before so I’m always hyperalert about these kinds of things and if I do get those vibes I shut them down immediately.
Onto the main clown show: last week my bf texts me angry that I’ve been lying to him and that I’ve been repeatedly gaslighting him into thinking my friendship with J was normal, but after a conversation with one of his other friends he’s convinced that he’s right and it’s inappropriate for J to be friends with me. Then he goes ahead and texts J to stop texting me and accuses him, amongst other things, of being a creep. To the surprise of absolutely no one, turns out this scenario that my bf created of J secretly trying to steal me away from him was completely false and J is both hurt and pissed about it. He tells him that he’s only ever thought of him as a good friend and he never had ill intentions towards me but he cannot in good conscience be ok with this and subsequently cuts both of us off.
For obvious reasons, I’m extremely pissed about this and we have a blowout fight over it, because turns out I don’t like anyone messing with my friendships like that and falsely accusing someone who’s done nothing wrong to you of being a creep is a shitty thing to do. He genuinely didn’t see anything wrong about what he did and “he did what he had to because he was desperate to get J out of my life and I left him no other choice.” He also told me that if he woke up to find out I did something to cause his friends to cut him off, he’d assume I had a good reason to do so and everything that happened with J was for the best. He screamed at me, accused me of being disrespectful and thinking of him as an insecure loser, called me a whole slew of hurtful things, that I’m disgusting and make him feel worthless and that he fucking hates me repeatedly. It overall just turned into a really ugly mess.
The next morning he was calmer and apologized for the hurtful things he said and that he didn’t mean any of it. He also admitted what he did was wrong, that he overreacted out of paranoia, and that he’s sorry he hurt J and ruined my friendship with him. He admitted that I was right, there wasn’t anything weird going on like he thought and he apologized for messing with my personal life.
The issue is I’m having a hard time processing all of this. First of all this couldn’t have happened at a worse time because I have a lot of personal issues going on that I’m incredibly stressed out about and he’s well aware of that. He’s also aware that I’ve always struggled with making friends, and now any urge I’ve had to do that is gone. I can’t get over him saying I make him feel worthless because I’ve dedicated so much and sacrificed so much to be with him and make him happy every way I could. I’ve never and still don’t prioritize anyone else over him. Having your boyfriend of nearly 5 years tell you he doesn’t trust you and despises you is also pretty fucking shitty because I’ve never done anything distrustful or been anywhere near as hurtful as he has been to me. His apologies sound hollow and lukewarm to me because at the end of the day, he got exactly what he wanted. And I’m left to suck it up and deal with it.
I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m alone backed into a corner and I’m about to break with all the other things going on in my life. I’m sorry if this post isn’t very coherent but I’m a little tipsy right now. I just feel so violated and I’ve never felt more horrible or alone in my life than I do now and I’ve never not felt like that my entire life. I don’t know and can’t tell if I’m the one who messed up here and what I should do. Any advice, harsh or gentle is appreciated.
TLDR: bf incorrectly assumed mutual friend was trying to sleep with me and subsequently went nuclear on both me and friend. Am hurt and don’t know how or if I should resolve this.

/uw Part four is here! Here's part one, part two, and part three! This one's probably a little more unpolished than the other ones, but I hope that doesn't ruin it! CW: Death, blood. I made a render in blender, but it got the post removed! Take two!
/rw
The end of the book, thin as it is, draws near. The text is overwritten dozens of times, always with the same phrase: "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT". Same as the other pages, though, it's easy enough to look past the bad coverup job. History cannot be erased, after all.
...
When I arrived at the hospital, I was in bad shape. I had a fractured skull, a missing eye, a lesion in my frontal lobe, and I was in hypovolemic shock. They didn't think I was going to make it.
It was a miracle that I even woke up from my two-week coma, but it wasn't all perfect. From the moment I opened my eye(s), I didn't know where I was. I had to relearn everything. My name, my address, my identity... They were all gone.
It was as if I was a new man who'd been transported into a stranger's body. Everyone talked to me as if they knew me, but I couldn't say the same for them. Especially that drow, Eldred. He claimed we were childhood friends. Every day, he'd tell me stories of our history together, but they were stories I never wanted to hear. It felt wrong listening to him talk, knowing there was a man who knew more about me than I did.
The moment I was discharged, I fled to my apartment. I drew the blinds, locked the door, and cut off all contact from the outside world. I wanted to run away from it all, to start a new life, not some travesty of another man's life.
After a few days of my isolation, Eldred (presumably) got worried about me, and came knocking on my door. I didn't answer. I wanted nothing to do with him—or anyone, for that matter. He was a remnant of my old life, and I couldn't let him influence me.
A couple days later, he did the same thing. He offered some kind, reassuring words through the door and left. He did this again, and again, and again, for weeks. I was running low on food and supplies, so I was faced with a choice: leave my safe haven, or starve to death in my own home. I didn't like either option. Although... there was another way.
After 17 days of his repeated attempts, I finally answered the door.
"Ith!" Eldred cheered. "You... you really answered!"
"Yeah."
"So uh... Have you been doing alright?"
"I'm fine."
He looked over my shoulder. "Have... you not left the house?"
"Not yet."
"Jesus, Ithael..." He pulled me in for a hug, but I didn't react. "Do you, uh, need anything?"
"Could... you go to the market for me?"
He let go of me. "Yeah, of course! I'll... I'll be back!"
"Alright."
I slammed the door in his face. Just another echo of my old life, that's all he was... A few hours later, he knocked on the door again. I almost didn't answer, but then I remembered he had my groceries.
He exclaimed with clearly-forced optimism, "Heyyyy! Hope you've been alright! So, I was thinking, and... I was wondering if you wanted to do dinner together?"
"Not out there. Never out there. Here. Please."
"I figured you'd say that... so I got ingredients! I found this recipe for some pan-seared chicken in the library earlier, and it sounded really good!"
"...Alright." I took the bags from him and walked over to the kitchen. "Come inside."
"I, uh, was going to make it for you—"
"It's fine," I interjected.
I rummaged through the bags for the cookbook he talked about and flipped through the pages. It didn't look too difficult to make, but I wasn't sure how I knew that. This was the first time I had cooked anything, after all.
Assumedly hearing the pans clattering, Eldred wandered over to the counter, sitting down in a chair across from me. "Need a hand?"
"I'm alright."
"Are you sure? I mean, you were just—"
"Shut it," I commanded. I didn't mean to be so stern. What had come over me? I decided to brush it off. The recipe called for a diced onion... I needed a knife.
He slumped down in his seat. "Sorry... I, uh, got these books for you, by the way."
I glanced up from the cutting board. "...'Healing trauma: a guide for survivors'? And... 'How to cure amnesia'?" I scoffed. "If they could have fixed it, they would have, Eldred. It's incurable."
"We can't know until we try!" He strolled over into the kitchen, flipping to a bookmarked page. "See? This one here says—"
"It doesn't matter."
"Ithael... I'm here for you, man. I'm just trying to help—"
"And I don't care."
I focused myself back to the task at hand, ignoring his look of disdain. The room fell uncomfortably silent. I needed to fillet the chicken. I rummaged through the bags, trying to find—
"Seriously?" Eldred huffed. "I put in all of this work, and you just... don't care?"
"Never asked for it." Now, where was I? Right, chicken—
"That doesn't mean anything! Let me help you, you're clearly struggling!"
"I could manage without you." I continued to avoid eye-contact.
"Why are you so dead-set on pushing me out of your life?!"
"You were never in it to begin with, Eldred. I'm not the Ithael you knew."
"And who cares that you aren't?! Can't we still be friends?"
I tried to explain, "You're just a remnant of my past—"
"And that's an excuse to treat me like shit?! You know what?" He grabbed the books. "I'm done trying to fix you."
"Fix me?" I scoffed. "So I'm a problem, then? Something to be solved?—"
"You're twisting my words! Why... Why do you hate me?!"
"Face it: I'm a different person! Move on with your life, already!"
"What gives you the right to say that?!"
"Oh, what gives me the right?!" I waved the knife around a little too recklessly. "Were you just in a coma for two weeks? Did you just get thrown into a world that knows you better than yourself?! Where's your excuse, huh?!"
"...What do you want from me, Ithael?"
"I want you to get out of my life!"
Time slowed to a crawl as a deep pit formed in my stomach. I yanked my hand back like I'd touched a hot stove, and the knife... clattered to the floor. That look in his eyes... I'd never forget it. I had never seen a man so afraid before.
He grasped at his neck, his face turning pale as his hands soaked with blood. He fell to his knees, mouthing some words at me, but the only sound that came out was a sickening gurgle. He struggled to keep his balance as he fell flat on his face. His breathing grew labored and shaky as he lay there, a crimson puddle forming around his neck.
I knew that I should have gotten help, but, no matter how hard I tried, all I could do was watch. He cried onto the tiled ground, his breathing growing quieter and quieter, until he finally went silent.
What had I done?
...
It seems that he forgot to put any kind of warding spell on this newspaper clipping, as if he didn't expect anyone to get this far. Or perhaps he was too preoccupied with deceiving himself.
"As rumors regarding the disappearance of Eldred Wyndorn continue to circulate, the enigmatic Ithael Ralich opens a new therapist's office. In response to the whispers, Ithael states, 'There's a profound lack of support in this world, and every person could stand to have someone like Eldred by their side. I hope I can step up and fulfill a role he would have approved of.'
In other news, authorities are taking steps to curb the rising number of missing persons cases. Officials urge citizens to adhere to newly-instated curfew until the threat is solved, but claim there's nothing to worr—"

I'm going through a friendship breakup with a woman who may be on the spectrum. She always seemed a bit narcissistic but upon relaying stories to my therapist, she suggested these traits may be misinterpreted from autism instead (such as being hyper focused on self, coming across unempathetic and uncaring, not reciprocating much in the friendship, etc.). Upon doing some research online, it appears sometimes narcissism/autism can appear the same to a neurotypical, and some of her lying/manipulating may be from being high masking and also from childhood trauma. She has definitely developed unhealthy mechanisms to get her needs met.
Around November I started getting a bit fed up of making the effort with her, so I backed off a bit. After a few months of not talking much, in February, she reached out and poured her heart out in a way I've never seen in 20 years of knowing her. She said rather insightful things that give off she may be an undiagnosed autistic such as:
"I don't know why I come across the wrong way a lot of the time"
"I've been going through a rough time and have been absent in all my relationships"
"I know I'm naturally colder but I don't mean to be- it doesn't reflect my true feelings"
"I want to be called out from now on if my behaviour is offensive because I never want us to be on bad terms ever again"
I forgave her at this point because I was impressed by her desire to be better and her self-awareness, only to shortly find her "shit talking" me to our other friend and relaying the conflict that happened between us in a completely different way than what her and I discussed..
I approached her about this over text (since she suggested I call her out on things) in a NICE WAY... pretty much asking "hey did you say X to X?" .. and she R bombed my message. It's been over two months since this and we have not spoken, other than me running into her briefly a month ago (apparently I made her cry because I wasn't so friendly to her when I saw her, which to me makes no sense since she's the one that caused us to stop talking again - how did she expect me to act?!?!)
It's been really rough as I'm going through a major life event while losing this relationship and I'm just trying to make sense of it, even just to gain some closure and peace. I don't think it's repairable, but I'm wondering if anyone has insights as to why she would flat out ignore my messages if she said she wanted to be a better friend? It doesn't make any sense, it feels so personal and I'm just hurt.
It's possible she is not autistic although my therapist is convinced that she is. I do not intend to offend with this post, I am just trying to understand what I could be dealing with. I am definitely NOT saying all autistic people are narcissistic or lie/manipulate. Anyone have any helpful thoughts?

I feel a burning sensation over my left kidney. They did this before, and I could feel every organ lighting up as they said they were targeting each and giving me cancers. They can create pockets of certain forms of radiation that they use to remotely attack and harm people. They torture them until they kill themselves as well. They think they are impervious to damage, and that they can never be found, but they are not and they can be found.
Apparently, this Nick guy that is my main attacker, thinks he can sell lies as truth, and truth as lies, and that they are somehow indistinguishable from each other. They aren't. They are separate and everyone else can see it. You do NOT, have to bite into the gold painted dog turd, that is Nick, to know he is a turd. If you know what you are doing and you bite me gently, just enough to see what is underneath, you will realize I am actually gold inside. I never intentionally did anything that wrong before. I may have said the wrong wording for someone to understand before, but it was not meant in bad intention ever.
I never harmed anyone in any illegal way. They keep rambling about some stupid messed up rape story? I am not sure entirely what that is about, but I definitely NEVER would ever do that to some poor person. I always protected the women in my life around me. In other cultures, they don't understand how you can give a shit about the average person and still be a good person inside. EVERYONE else who got there got there, got there, through lies, and deceit, which is just lies marked as doodoo. People often think they are courageous until they are actually in the battlefield, and others, others have been in the battlefield for so long that they let bullets pass beside their heads, without flinching. I have been in this battle for so long with this group of people, that torture is a regular thing now. It seems to be how they like to operate, but that is not good. The difference between what they say they will do and actually do is spread far apart as well. I know that they have been doing this to other practically or totally innocent people for a long time. We are just random kills that they do for initiation as well. Doesn't really matter what kind of a person you are with the people around you, or the lengths you went to to ensure others well being. Same thing like that crazy nightclub shooting story from a while back. Or there were theater ones when I was a kid that I used to hear about for a while. That is essentially what Nick and his associates do to people who never deserved it. I did more good than bad in my life, so at the pearly gates, I am good to go. Are you?!
They essentially wanted to repeatedly pull down my pants over and over again in front of people legitimately, and jokingly too. They even said "Show us your d*ck" to me while in the kitchen a couple of times. They won't accept that I was a good person, and they are in denial there. I helped my friends when I saw how to help them, I tried, but some of them took it in the wrong way. My friend D@v1d was all over this girl who I really liked, and I left the social circle there so he could have what he wanted, but he never got that. I actually did a lot of good things that are not going noticed as valued, like how my moral values of taking dollars to not stop nick from killing more innocent people, doesn't have a noticed value, How would you appraise this?? Would you take money and a short life after you diagnosed with diseases because of what these weapons did to you? or do you keep fighting it, and say "Look, there is no figure one can place on that at this point, if not ever"?

• Robert William Christie

My (F21) boyfriend (M21) of a few weeks is very insecure and I have a feeling I am making it worse. When I first pursued him he actually accidentally rejected me due to insecurity because he couldn't imagine a woman like me would ever be interested in a man like him (so he thought I was making fun of him). I made it more clear that I really want him and now we're together but I know that he's feeling super insecure. When we kiss he oftentimes opens his eyes after and mutters something like "I can't believe you actually like me" or "I don't know what I've done to deserve you" and a few days ago I found him crying because according to him he doesn't deserve me and I'm apparently to good for him, which I don't get. I wanted him first. Still, I'm scared that this insecurity will destroy our relationship again and it's really not healthy at all so I want to help him get over it. I told him even though I like him no matter what that if he feels like he doesn't deserve me he can try to become a guy who he thinks he deserves me but I don't know if that was too harsh so I might have to try another approach .
From what I've gathered there are 4 main areas of insecurity for him. 1. Our social circles, 2. Our grades, 3. Our looks and 4. The romantic attention we get/our experience.

1. Our social circles: He is a pretty nerdy guy who is introverted to the point where I'm suspecting him to have social anxiety. He especially struggles talking to women. I'm pretty sure he was only able to talk to me since did most of the heavy lifting in terms of our early conversations and never stopped trying to get to know him. He has a small group of close-knit friends who he cares a lot about. They're like brothers which is really cute to me. The problem is that outside of that group of friends he is definitely less than popular, I think because he is socially awkward like that with a pretty peculiar sense of humour, which I like however.

My social life looks very different. I'm just as nerdy as him behind closed doors but since I had a pretty massive glow up people don't expect that from me. I'm fact outwardly I'm definitely someone in the popular crowd and I gotta admit- I got a pretty big social circle with four groups of friends, two of which are really close as well and I'm basically the centre of.
Whenever he and I are walking together and I have to greet someone again (which happens pretty often, especially on campus) he gets annoyed, especially when it's a guy. A little more than half of my group of friends are guys and I already made him aware that that's not gonna change since I've known most of them for years- still, he suspects almost every one of those to be interested in me which can be quite annoying. There have been some who confessed but that was before my boyfriend and I got together and I established clear boundaries with those. That's the first problem caused by insecurities.

1. grades and achievements: He is a smart man, a former gifted kid, It's a part of him that first caused me to be attracted to him, but the problem is- I as well was a gifted kid. We have lived very different lifes up to this point. He had a pretty relaxed upbringing while I spent my time growing up in debate competitions, dance competitions and participating in youth politics since my parents wanted to prime me for success. I think he has just always been the smart kid and at the beginning he was fully convinced that he was way smarter than me because I asked him to explain things to me since I like to hear him explain and he didn't think that someone like me would be able to have intelligent thoughts or something which he admitted was stupid of him and just based on stereotypes. Now that we spend pretty much every second day together he knows that I actually have a better GPA than him and that I'm according to him "more gifted than him" (which partially has to do with me being on the spectrum) he doesn't openly say it but I know it bothers him. As a formerly gifted kid myself I know how much it hurts when someone is better than you when the thing you were growing up was always just the 'smart kid'. He said that he wants to work harder so he can take care of me sometime in the future but knowing him I know that's only half of the story. Just like he started going to the gym more because at the beginning of our relationship I was stronger than him (Years of competitive dance, martial arts and just being a gym girl). He now is stronger than me again but he still talks about how emasculated he felt because of it.
   
2. Our looks: I was told I have pretty privilege and I got to admit myself - after my glow up I definitely felt how different people treat me now and I get quite a lot of attention now to the point where it's uncomfortable, especially since before my glow up I definitely wasn't as conventionally attractive and was also treated as such. I think my boyfriend looks good. He is cute. His lips are pretty and heart shaped and his eyeshape and lashes are to die for. He doesn't see that though. I know he's not everyone's cup of tea. I gathered so much when I told other people that we're dating but he's my cup of tea so that shouldn't matter. Even his friends teased him about his looks in comparison to mine when he told them and when he told me- I swear I was ready to explode. I try to give him compliments about his looks but he doesn't know how to accept them. He says I'm the only one who'll ever compliment him this way anyway so what's the point. My boyfriend says that when he first saw me he thought I was the most beautiful woman he's ever seen which is why he couldn't believe why I would keep on talking to him. I think being with me makes his insecurities about his looks worse because according to him an 'ugly guy' like him doesn't deserve a girl like me. I think that's bullshit. There is way more to a relationship than looks and I think he's cute and way too harsh on his looks.
   
3. Our romantic experience and the attention we get.
   

I am his first. The first girl he kissed, his first date, his first time holding hands, his first in general. He told me that before we met again he had given up on love- concluded that it wasn't happening for him and that after his parents passed on he should just follow them- and then I showed up again and made it obvious how much I wanted him. I feel so honoured to be his first but not getting any attention before me took a real toll on his self perception I think.
I am the exact opposite. Sure I wasn't in a relationship before him, I also was still a virgin and also never kissed anyone willingly but I get attention. I get asked for my number on the streets or in uni, I get asked on dates and I also went on dates before. I just never felt it. Where he feels like he doesn't get seen by women I feel like I only get seen as a piece of meat, as a love interest, a manic pixie dream girl or a sex object by men. I had so many bad experiences with that just being treated like a normal person by him (partially because he thought he didn't have a chance anyway) had me falling head over heels for him.
He feels insecure about the attention I get however, especially if it'd be men he perceives to be good-looking, successful or simply cool. He often mentions that apparently there were several guys in the friend group we met in that wanted to pursue me and he feels bad for them that he's the one who got me because he's just a 'bastard' in his own words. I think this is another one of the things that bothers him the most based on how often he mentions it. Whenever he finds out that a guy we know ever was interested in me I never hear the end of it. I even was asked for my number while he was right next to me and while in a conversation with him which is not only mad disrespectful but also made him really angry and caused his insecurities to skyrocket. I feel really sorry to make him insecure that way but I really can't control it. He also likes when I get really dressed up for dates and I like that too but whenever he sees the stares I get from men he seems to regret it.
All in all he seems to put me on a pedestal and seems to compare himself to not only me but also other men in my life though I don't want them. I only want him. He says it's suspicious how little is wrong with me, that I'm too good but that's not true. I'm possessive (which I'm working on), at least as competitive as him, all of the social skills he admires so much in me I trained myself to have since I'm pretty much lost in social situations. I can be quite clumsy and scatterbrained sometimes and when I get to talk about my special interests I won't stop for hours. I was training for discipline from a young age to the point where I sometimes don't sleep or eat enough to manage to do everything I planned. I am a perfectionist to an unhealthy degree and sometimes I feel like a robot who just has to function no matter what. I tried to show him, tell him all my flaws but no matter what he doesn't see them as flaws.
He for example sees all of the achievements, the medals my perfectionism brought me but not that I lost so much sleep and ate so little for extended periods of time when I was little that I just stopped growing.
I try to show him that I really like him. He is smart, witty, funny and even though he tries to hide it incredibly kind. He takes care of his friends, family and now me. I feel so safe around him and ...just like myself. I try to tell him that. I try to give him gifts, I try to spend as much time as possible with him and take care of him. Whenever he expresses his boundaries I try to comply (for example he dislikes when I show my cleavage when he isn't around so I stopped) but I feel like that's no use as long as that little voice in his head tells him that he's not enough and that he doesn't deserve me.
I just don't know what to do so that he finally sees himself the way I see him- a person who of course has flaws but is beautiful and kind and a person who deserves to be loved and I'm pretty sure I love.
Thank you for any advice. (And sorry for my English. English is actually my fourth language so I'm not as articulate in it as I would like)

I had a positive H Pylori test last year in NovembeDecember (I don’t recall correctly).
Since then I took: 1 round of 2 strong antibiotics to treat it, then I had another bacterial infection for which I took an antibiotic, then I tested positive for H Pylori AGAIN and had to treat it with 2 strong (different this time) antibiotics and then another bacterial infection which had me taking an antibiotic again.
By the end of all of that, my gut ended up being completely messed up.
It’s been months since and my gut is not recovered.
I have 3-5 bowel movements per day. Yellow. Sometimes they are watery, but most of the time they’re kind of soft and mushy. I’m in pain every day.
I went to a specialist when I was on my second time battling H Pylori and I mentioned these symptoms (they were a little less serious than they currently are) but he just brushed it off as IBS since I only had a H Pylori diagnosis.
I read a bunch about C DIFF and I am almost sure that I have it.
However, I tested once for toxins and it came back negative for all toxins. I heard that the test often gives out a false negative. I also tested a stool that I took the day before bringing it to the lab (I took the stool about 16-20 hours before bringing it to the lab and kept it in my fridge until I took it to the lab). Is that a mistake? Does it affect the test?
Now I’m starting to get more symptoms like shaking and tremors. I’m guessing it’s because my body can’t properly absorb nutrients from the IBS maybe? I don’t know.
All I know is, nobody will treat me unless I get a proper positive test/a diagnosis.
This sucks. I’m only 18 and it’s really messing with my life. I don’t really complain to anyone and nobody knows what I’m dealing with (except my family). I haven’t told anyone, but it’s really taking a toll on me mentally and I don’t know what to do anymore.
I heard that C Diff can be life threatening if left untreated and that only scares me even more since I can’t even start the treatment yet (if I have it).
Please drop some advice if you have it. Anything is greatly appreciated. Thanks to everyone in here. This sub has been of great help (especially mentally). You guys are awesome and I hope every one of you gets through c diff ❤️

Think about the general person that has a partner, works, has friends, has hobbies and career etc… All these things are nothing more than dopamine highs. Humans achievement comes from having the ability to do things that gives them a sense of reward and achievement(dopamine), even love is nothing more than dopamine and oxytocin that comes from a primal urge to reproduce your offspring because that’s what your ancestors have done for last 300,000 years. It’s a deep thought I had about how everything we experience has to do with our biological makeup and that most people will try to fabricate it as some supernatural explanation because they don’t want to except the reality of a proven explanation for our existence because they want to be stimulated by the idea of them having have some much more grand purpose. I know all this to be true because I used to want everything the normal human wanted and believed there was a soul, god etc… After getting anhedonia and having it for some time my bullshit detector grew and realized that all my experiences prior has ultimately no value or meaning because it could all be erased as soon as my brain stopped functioning normally. If you gave antipsychotics to everyone society would collapse because there would no longer be the will to care enough to do even the most mundane things since there is no reward to chase

Am I wrong for screaming at my friend
I screamed at my friend for everything she’s done I guess
So my dad died five years ago( I was 13) and she’s always been kind of a bad friend . She was my best friend at one point and her parents took me in after my mom had to go stay at the hospital while my dad was dying .
I told her everything as it was happening and obviously I trusted her and she was all I had to be honest . She told me that “it was better this way that my dad is dying because it would be hard for him to get a job again “ and I was obviously angry .
I told her “ that’s not for you to say “ and she started crying . I was staying at her house and she was upset so I apologized and she said “ it’s okay “ . Now looking back , idk why I apologized .
I also found out that she went and told random people I wasn’t close with and didn’t talk to that my dad’s dead without my permission and publicized it so much . I don’t want people to know this about me and it’s my place to tell people .
I got her something for her bday and obviously I don’t give to receive and I value our friendship over gifts but she didn’t get me anything for my birthday .
Yes , she doesn’t owe me anything but at the same time we used to get each other gifts for years each year and she just stopped putting in effort the second she got a boyfriend ( who would make fun of me , call me ugly , make fun of my trauma , talks about women like objects ). He also talked about other girls having fat asses once INFRONT OF HER and she stayed with him despite that .
If she was financially struggling then obviously I don’t give a fuck if she doesn’t get me anything but she’s hella rich . Giant ass house , drives my dream car , an Audi . She didn’t even offer to get me anything after we’ve been friends for years . If our friendship was always like that then I don’t care if she gets me anything or not but she just stopped trying .
It’s been 5 years and she’s always been doing shitty insensitive stuff , getting with guys that treated me like crap and made fun of me , twisting narratives to people that don’t know me of why I stopped talking to her for a bit , be friending people that shit talk me in front of her and she doesn’t defend me .
So I screamed at her about everything for the past 4 years and yeah that’s what happened . She still cries at the grown ass age of 18 when people confront her about the shitty things she does.

I don't really know where to start. It hurts a lot but it's a diffent kind of hurt it's a comfortable kind of hurt...
I went to movie theater with a friend, and during the movie she's was texting me, my phone was on silent so I didn't find out untill after.
The dreaded "I think we need to talk. Call me back when you have a moment." My chest started pounding, and hands shaking. All while trying to remain calm in front of my friend
Soon as I got into the car I called, small talk about the movie then she said "I don't know how to do this, I've never had to do this before, do I do this over the phone, I don't know"
I told her that it sounds like something we need to talk in person. She's worried about me being getting sick I told her that not to worry because this sounds important.
We sat their together, and talked, cried, smiled, for a very long time. We talked about if we're becoming toxic for one another, if we're what we need in our life right now, how we've grown, the way we mis/communicate, her feelings of still needing to heal, but without me, needing to work more on herself, and her traumas.
She went on about how much she hated herself, and where she's at mentally how depressed she's been, and how stuck she feels and relaizing that she's needs to work on herself to heal and figure out her traumas.
We talked about our cards, our storage units, the things we'll have to move and how we wouldn't be the people we are today without oneanother.
We hadn't really eaten so we went to our favorite diner one last time. There we reminisced about the past. Asked about our favorite memories, talked about books and shows. I took her back home and we sat in the car for a while, not wanting to leave each other's side, wishing that we could stay in the moment just a little longer. We knew that eventually she'd need to head inside, but we'd make jokes keep each other there.
Finally after a long while, we said "I love you" as she slowly headed back inside and headed a friend's to vent.
We've been together for 6 years and theirs been so much pain, joy, regret, struggle, family/ friends death, and growth that we've gone through.
It's the kind of hurt that although I miss her and although I love her, understanding that we can't always give what the other needs, and that it takes time to figure that out as an individual and how to communicate that need and for another to either learn if it's in their ability too.
Regarless this really sucks, but I understand...
TLDR: 6 Year Relationship ended. We broke up talking about our traumas, the past, and needing to heal as individuals.

To summarize, I have been doing tarot for like 6 months and generally like it. I feel like I'm actually pretty good at it. However, I always told myself before to not ask any questions where there's an answer that could scare me, and a couple of weeks ago I decided to do one anyway. I asked my cards stuff about my own death. It wasn't an inherently negative reading but some aspects of it made me nervous, and because of my already high anxiety, I've been overthinking it a lot. My OCD and GAD have been wild lately which sometimes leads to decisions that don't have logic behind them.
Today I decided to make a post about this on the tarot subreddit. I explained how I made a mistake by asking this question, talked about what cards I got, how I've been feeling, admitted that it's because of my poor mental health. I guess I just wanted some reassurance and kindness. I wanted a reply like "I totally get it, it's hard not to ask these questions sometimes! Your cards might not be a bad thing and it doesn't have to mean you're about to die, blah blah". That's what I would and have said when I see others struggling. I would never see someone in a low moment and kick them down even further.
But the comments on my post were imo extremely mean. People said all kinds of things like how I'm so stupid, need to seek therapy, shouldn't do tarot anymore because I'm using it all wrong, that there's nothing for them to say because I already admitted I made a bad choice, I got downvoted when I asked people to at least be nicer. One of these people even admitted they used to struggle with the same thing. What sucks too is that writing out my post actually helped me calm down and feel a lot better about the situation because reading it all out I saw how it's not as big and bad as I built it up to be in my head. Then the comments took that away and made me feel worse again.
When I was younger this type of thing used to make me cry. Now it just pisses me off. Like it blows my mind how comfortable people are with being total assholes to others just because they're hiding behind a phone screen and don't know me. I can't imagine intentionally treating someone like that. When I see posts similar to the one I made, I take a moment to calm them down and talk them through it. I say it's okay to feel that way. It makes me really disappointed that this is so rare. I'm just glad I'm not like them.
To be clear, please don't say anything mean about me and my dumb stupid tarot choice or I'll scream 😭

My cat Kumatora (Tori for short, 13F) has lived a highly sheltered and comfortable life with me and my parents since we got her when she was a 3-month-old kitten. Our household is very quiet, with no other pets or young children, and guests being very rare. We always give her lots of attention, and spend a lot of money ensuring she gets whatever she wants, within reason. As such, there has been an understanding that she is spoiled, and prior to the issues at hand here, it was generally amusing when she really wanted something or got mad. For example, she really enjoyed sitting in open windows, and would throw temper tantrums in the days following weather being comfortable enough to have them open - throwing her poops out of the litter box, knocking stuff off tables, that kind of thing. Obviously we all still love and care for her dearly, but it's like how some people think it's funny when toddlers think it's the end of the world when they, like, don't get McDonald's for dinner.
About a month ago, she started meowing dramatically, and was dragging around one of her hind legs. We took her to the vet, where they x-ray'd her, ran blood work, and did other yearly check-up things, only to find nothing visibly wrong. She did not seem to be in any pain, and the only spot of numbness was her paw pad, so the vet concluded she had nerve damage and sent her back with us. In spite of this, her quality of life declined, although she was in generally good health. She hid under my parent's bed for a while, leaving only to eat and use the litter box. Eventually we moved her into a spare room without furniture to hide under so that she would at least be easily accessible if/when we needed to bring her back to the vet. During this time, given the knowledge I had as provided by our vet, I joked with friends that she was just being a drama queen, only enticed by treats to escape her moping, like an aging Shakespearean actress.
Starting last week, though, she stopped pooping, and later stopped eating everything but her preferred treats. That also happened to be the time of my graduation from graduate school, and we had a vacation planned, so she was left to be boarded at the vet's for 6 days. The experience was generally unpleasant for her, because in addition to the discomfort she was in prior, she hates the vet - usually we leave her by herself when we go on vacation, with a neighbor coming by daily to scoop her litter box, but thought boarding with them would be best given her issues. They ran several additional (costly) tests on her, and found that she had a congenital heart defect, as well as a heart murmur, and heart disease. As such, it was determined that she may have had a blood clot which caused her foot numbness, but the signs of that are inconsistent, and the vets still aren't 100% sure whether it was that or a nerve issue. Either way, the stress of the mobility issue and the vets stay put a lot of stress on her heart, and she's worse off than ever before - she's barely eating, doesn't want to be brushed anymore, has trouble grooming, barely gets out of her cat bed, and is purring constantly like cats do when they're hurt. It's clear that she is not enjoying life in the state she's in, and we're looking into at-home euthanasia at this point.
...And now I feel terrible for being so flippant about her discomfort before. It's not even like this affected how quickly we sought medical care - we brought her in as soon as we noticed the issue, and contacted the vet several times over phone to make sure that the care decisions we were making were appropriate. I just feel bad for the way I perceived her and talked about her with others when this is clearly significantly negatively affecting her. I guess I was hoping that she would just snap out of it one day, that her foot would magically regain sensation and she'd be her usual self and this would be another funny story to tell at parties. I wonder if we should have cancelled our vacation so that she wouldn't need to spend as much time at the vet's. Her heart problems may not have been discovered, but it would have been less stress put on her, which may have increased her chances of recovery. I also feel like it would have been the typical "internet pet parent" thing to do - toss aside all plans and direct all attention towards ensuring our pet is as comfortable and happy as possible. Reading stories of pet parents having to euthanize 15+ year-old cats after years-long battles with cancer or kidney disease, her decline seems so... quick, and premature.
And so I'm looking for support here. Anyone else struggle with not feeling attached/worried enough about unwell pets? I used to be super anxious and catastrophic things like this, but now I feel like the pendulum's swung too hard in the opposite direction, and I'm too detached - or at least I was in weeks prior. Do I have, like, pet parent imposter syndrome - is that a thing? Or am I genuinely selfish and insensitive and should never care for a cat again? :(

Hi I have a few questions but first I'll give some necessary background. My mom (49) lived/died in Ohio; that's where her will + trusts were drawn up as well. I live in Texas (irrelevant). My sister (21) and I (29 m) are executors and the only beneficiaries.

1. My deadbeat dad owes my mom 23k in child support arrears. He has been making payments of $35 sporadically while my mom was battling cancer for the past couple years. Is that now owed to my mom's estate, owed to the state or forgiven?
   
2. My mom was kind enough to co-sign a car loan for her terrible ex-fiance. When he left her, he moved to Chicago with the car and continued making payments. Here's the issue: late last year he went to prison and left his car with his mom and sister. The women would give my mom money to make the payments for him but those payments have stop coming. Does the ex-fiance now take full responsibility for the loan/debt of the car or will my mom's estate be on the hook for the balance. Does the car belong to my mom's estate since the primary signer is in prison and abandoned the vehicle? The balance of the loan is like 3k and the value of the vehicle is likely 10k - 15k for private sale but we have no clue the location of the vehicle.
   
3. My mom's pension has a death benefit but they only allowed her to name one primary beneficiary which was my sister. My sister is obviously okay splitting it with me but I'm confused about what he do after she sends me a lump sum (90k). With there be like a gift tax? Will the entire amount be considered income for my sister, or do we just declare half as income? Or is a pension payout considered just an inheritance and not taxed as income?
   

Questions one and two are the most important. Thanks!

Hi everyone! Thanks for peeking in. I’m new to the DM role and hoping to pull a group of 4-5 players together to run Phandelver and Below: The Shattered Obelisk. This is a good adventure for beginners because it starts out very “classic Dnd” with a little mountain village to help and treasure to get before opening up into bigger, otherworldly threats, and especially for people interested because of BG3 because a lot of the ideas will be familiar (goblin camps, mind flayers, ect). Experienced players are more than welcome as well, though!
About the campaign: Last night, you were at a wedding. And today, the newlyweds are missing, kidnapped by goblins on their way to the village of Phalandin, to reopen a mine that was abandoned many years ago under mysterious circumstances. As you investigate the disappearances and get to know the village near the mine, you begin to realize that it was abandoned for a good reason – and whatever horrors were lurking there are no longer contained. This campaign will go through levels 1-13.
*Time: Roughly 5-9 pm PST, Wednesday or Thursday. (semi-flexible but has to be a weekday) Looking to start week after next, but might have a session 0 before then - alternatively we can hash things out over discord.
*LGBTQ+ friendly REQUIRED, not only is the inciting incident a gay wedding, but we don't need jerks around. Any kind of bigotry (racism, sexism, ableism, ect) at all will get you ejected from the game.
*Age range 21+, this campaign has horror themes that will on occasion get a little nasty, and I’m 31 and would be more comfortable playing with adults.
*Logistics: we'll use discord for voice, dndbeyond for character sheets, and Owlbear Rodeo for maps.
*Gameplay/tone: The adventure as written is pretty even between RP and combat, but I'm happy to lean one way or the other if players prefer. As said above, the back half of this campaign contains a good amount of chaotic horror elements. Otherworldly entities, body horror, PC transformations and the like are all on the table.
*Character building: Any official subclass/race is fine if you can justify their presense here (why would a githyanki bother hanging around a little mining village on the Sword Coast?) Since this campaign has more of a serious tone, what with the cosmic horror of it, please keep that in mind for character creation. Comic relief is great and sometimes even necessary but please don't give me a straight up joke character.
*Backstories – I want to see your backstory and find a way to integrate it into the story and cook up a sidequest that relates to it! But please keep in mind we are starting at level 1 so it should not be a novel. One page or less is fine! I'll provide some hooks to tie your character to the area and the important NPCs that you can use if you like.
If all that sounds good to you, great! Comment here and/or send me a DM, you can do that through reddit or discord @rackhams. Hope to hear from you!

Looking for games with good character customization I basically need the glorified character creation engines that may or may not have gameplay as a bonus.
What I REQUIRE:
A game has many clothing/armor options, preferably in different styles
Many hair options and various accessories, hats, glasses, masks, etc
It is possible to change body shape and height (medium priority)
The clothing items (or at least most of them) are available at once (no paywalls or "kill this dude to get that armor") and I don't have to spend too much time to unlock them
PC only, and preferably something that doesn't weigh 200 GB
Things I DON'T CARE FOR:
A hundred face sliders. Having a good face gen is a bonus, but my main aim is good item variety
Stunning ultra graphics (I mean, the graphics should not be vanilla Minecraft, but if there are good old games with good variety...)
Games/tools I already know about and use:
Champions online (had to buy/grind a few costume parts packs though) - near total hit
City of Heroes - total hit (so many of everything and last time I checked all was available from the start without paywalls because the game is legally dead)
Saints Row series - partial hit (nice in-game shops one has to drive to, unfortunately not all items in one place)
Hero Forge mini figures creator - partial hit (so much stuff deeply customizable and free, but I want normal characters and not minis)
2D stuff like Heromachine, Fabrica de Herois - partial hit (because 2D)
What WON'T DO AT ALL:
Skyrim, Oblivion, Fallout 3/New Vegas - no clothes customization during the character creation and I don't care for 50 facial sliders, better give me 50 kinds of eyes
DC universe online (have to hunt for those costume pieces, the pieces available during character creation are few)
So, thank you for reading this long post, waiting eagerly for your suggestions.
And before you redirect me to an old post Google shows when asked for games with good character creation, I've read it, but it's a bit vague and it's clear its author and I have different goals and therefore not all games from that post will suit me. Thanks in advance and how foolish would I feel if this thing gets deleted for missing some technicality...

I’ve heard about avoidant attachment, but didn’t fully know what behaviors and patterns it consisted of until getting dumped by one. I’m mostly secure but do have some anxiety.
We had a great relationship, or so I thought. He always needed more space and to recharge - that’s fine, we both work a lot and I don’t want us to get sick of each other. I didn’t pressure him or ever blow up his phone.
We were both affectionate, best sex, similar interests and values, hobbies, great conversation. He looked at me like I was the most wonderful woman he ever saw and said he couldn’t believe this was his life he said. We had only been together 3 months but no fights yet.
He had made me his girlfriend a little over 1 month after meeting and I felt safe enough to plan ahead and think on the future. I think I noticed him start to pull back when I invited him to meet friends on a camping trip and asked if I could join him for one this summer. He was pulling back and my feelings were getting stronger. I always had intrusive thoughts he would break up with me - but that was crazy, everything was going well and he would tell me he missed me.
I noticed the slight withdrawing more after a weekend getaway together and asked him if everything is ok. Of course it was he said - busy with work, getting ready for his camping trip. But I knew something was off. I had to talk to him when he got back. But instead he texted me he needed to talk about his feelings in our relationship and that he didn’t think we were compatible outside of sex. I had a feeling he was going to break up with me that morning.
I didn’t want to get dumped by phone, so I went over. It was such a change from the man i fell for. He was resolved to break up with me. When I asked how we aren’t compatible, he couldn’t really give me an answer. He said the feelings he should have for me aren’t there and whatever feelings he has are gone, aside from physical attraction. He had been thinking on this for a few weeks.
He said the usual: it’s not you, it’s me; you deserve better; you’re so beautiful and stunning, I’m surprised you haven’t been snatched up yet, etc. I didn’t even know it at the time, but this is his pattern - his longest relationship has been less than 7 months (we’re in our 30s). He doesn’t know how to form a bond or connection to someone and when he gets too close, he deactivates.
He got back onto the apps days after he ended it. Haven’t heard from him, he doesn’t watch my stories. I didn’t reach out except to send him a sweet text a week after to tell him I valued him and our time together, etc. I meant it but I was better off not sending it because I didn’t know he’s avoidant. I’m left with the feelings now and he’s shut off and after the next high with the next woman.
All that being said, he was always good to me. He treated me well, was affectionate even until the end, planned wonderful dates. I have no hate or ill will for him. I wish we could have just been friends tbh. I told him to get therapy when I was leaving and I hope he does for his own sake and for other women. Now I at least see the signs for any future potential partner.

For context, im currently in a very demanding position at a consulting firm with amazing pay and benefits. However, my spouse is in the same field and it is unsustainable for both of us to keep our current jobs and be good “present” parents simultaneously.
My spouse is part of a team that has great growth potential and encourages work life balance which has kept her motivated… Whereas on my team, we’ve had several people quit, have a high tension/low appreciation environment and generally unpleasant place to work
I’ve ended up super jaded and unmotivated. I do the bare minimum to be “good” and dread coming in to work. I’ve decided the best thing for me is to leave consulting and pursue something else even if it means a pay cut.
My question is, how can I find the motivation again when shifting to a new role? Do people just get a refresher of enthusiasm? I don’t want to leave just to feel the same way somewhere else
I’m constantly told I do high quality work, have great soft skills, clients love me, and great expertise in my field. My only feedback is “lack ambition to go above and beyond for the team and firm”
Am I making the right choice by leaving? What kind of jobs can I find where I’ll still be mentally stimulated but not have the pressure of always needing to go above and beyond to chase the next promotion until I make partner?
Sorry for the venting session, just truly unsure of where I’m headed

My husband and I have been together in one form or the other for nearly twenty years; he knows a little about my childhood- mainly that it was rough, I survived various forms of abuse, and I've been working hard on dealing with the issues adult me is having due to all that- and has been repeatedly told that a serious trigger for me is when he rages/yells. Due to his own shitty upbringing he has a tendency to massively overreact to the smallest of inconveniences and has a low to nonexistent frustration tolerance; he's never been violent (I don't think he's that kind of person) and I'm fully aware my reactions/responses to whatever he does is MY responsibility. This isn't me trying to play victim or anything like that; I'm just sincerely desperate for some unbiased views on what's happening currently.
I won't go into too much detail for the obvious reasons but he's been helping/teaching me something recently that I've avoided due to anxiety/other reasons but which I'm attempting to master now. This means facing one of my biggest if not my biggest phobias. He has been a big help and I do not under any circumstances mean to sound ungrateful, but he has more than once started to yell at me and when confronted about it he blames my lack of having a father figure growing up- which is absolutely true. But I don't understand the connection at all and I don't think it gives him the right to yell at me when I'm trying my absolute best, I'm stressed/anxious to the point of nearly having a panic attack, and he's been told repeatedly all these years that that shit puts me on edge during the "best" of times. When he's done it lately it's been far from the "best" of times; I'll admit I've snapped back more than once and I'm ashamed to say I've been defensive/aggravated towards him afterward, but I've hung around this long because I've worked hard every day giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm no angel, I'm far from perfect, and I know I've consented to being treated the way I have every step of the way. It takes two to tango, after all.
Out of all the things he's ever done/not done his being this way is somewhat trivial in comparison (and was fully expected, before we even started I asked him as nicely as I could to not do this because I knew my nerves would already be shot) so maybe I'm overreacting due to it already being a high-tension situation. But for some reason this is really bothering me so AITA for finding this to be especially grating?

It’s probably my fault this happens to me. When I was young and in my prime, nobody ever approached me. I was more or less completely inexperienced until I was 25 years old.
Of course, later, after my prime was already over all these guys from my college in the high school came crawling out of the woodwork, telling me they had a thing for me for years. But why wait until I was older, decrepit, and falling apart? One of them I even liked years ago when I was young and full of life and he knew it. I told him to his face that I liked him and he never acknowledged it. I figured he wasn’t interested, so I gave up on him. Turns out he did like me back. But why now? Wine how when I am 28 fucking years old?
My biggest beef with this, though, is that at 28, anyone in my dating pool is divorced. I’m not saying that people who have been through a divorce shouldn’t be allowed a second shot at love. However, due to my experience with dating, divorced men, it’s something I’m not too enthusiastic about because even though they’ll say they are over their ex, none of them actually are. Of course, everything seems fine until six months into the relationship and they start acting weird and I found out. It’s because my ex this, my ex that. If they are so hung up on somebody who won’t even speak to them anymore, who has them blocked on everything, they never should have started a relationship with somebody else.
I know that I am being a bitch here. I know what an asshole, I sound like. However, as selfish as it is, just once I would like to have someone who is actually in love with me instead of feeling like I’m a replacement for someone I’ll never measure up to. I’m sick and tired of playing second fiddle to some guys first love replaces on a pedestal who won’t even talk to him anymore. But at this age that’s all I’m going to get.
Keep in mind, I don’t seek these people out. I consider myself about as far from conventionally attractive as a person can get in spite of all the different ways I have tried to improve both my appearance, and myself as a person over the years. I don’t actively go out there looking for someone. I just kind of do my own thing and if somebody happens to take an interest in me, I’ll give them a chance.
I don’t have high standards at all. I don’t care about height, appearance, or how much money you make. I care about personality, compatibility, and respect. But there is one dealbreaker I have - Don’t make me live in the shadow of somebody else. I’ve been doing that my whole life. Don’t make me do it in a relationship too.
And yet it seems like that’s too much to ask for. Seems like I’m destined to be Overlooked, second best, just a placeholder for somebody I can never live up to.

Hey everyone,
I hope you can help me with some advice here
A quick heads-up about me: I'm 31, with 10 years of experience in communication. I live in Berlin (originally from Brazil) and have completed a full-stack web development bootcamp (MERN stack, but now my focus is on Frontend). Additionally, I've spent many hours on self-taught studies and have worked on several personal projects.
Here's my situation: I don't want to give up on my goal of working in tech. I know the field is highly competitive, and after submitting over 250 job applications with no interviews, I realize I need more on my CV than just a regular bootcamp. I'm trying to decide where to focus my time and energy next. I've received two main recommendations from various people:
1. Pursue a degree in computer science to strengthen my foundational knowledge and technical skills.
2. Enroll in a program like 42 School, which offers a practical, intensive education in software programming and is free. This path seems to offer a quicker route compared to a traditional degree, while providing a deeper education than a regular web development bootcamp. However, I'm afraid of spending more time on something that may not be effective.
(There's always a third path, which is simply continuing with my self-taught studies, focusing on more than just the MERN stack, and working on my personal projects.)
What do you people think? I'd really appreciate any advice! :)