These are the things I learned about residency that I wish I could tell myself as a July intern on wards service. I know many of y’all here will disagree with a few, but this is how I see it. There’s definitely quite a few missing, so y’all fill in what I forgot.

• You earned the right to be here. You’ve proven you can do it so don’t doubt yourself.
• You’re not expected to know everything on day 1. Your job is to show up with a good attitude and ready to work hard.
• Listen to the nurses. Some of these critical care nurses, especially. Ask for their input and don’t brush them off as mere nurses.
• Write things down. Print a list and make check boxes by each patient for what needs to get done that day. There are interns who forget things and interns who write things down.
• The first thing you need to learn is to tell sick from not sick, and that can be tricky at times. Later on you refine that until you see a whole spectrum of how sick a patient is.
• Don’t waste too much time pre-rounding. Brief pertinent exam, ask patient about changes in symptoms, but the highest yield is asking the nurses.
• Call consults before noon if you can. It’s a courtesy to the consultant/their team plus they’re far more likely to be seen that day, avoiding a delay in workup for the patient.
• Your note doesn’t have to be an essay. Keep things simple and don’t get bogged down in eloquent explanations.
• However, document your reasoning well. Especially in tough cases, drop a paragraph about why you’re doing what you’re doing and the patient agrees.
• Auto text or whatever your EMR uses. Make an arsenal of these. Use them for everything. If you have a kind of case you see a lot, template out a note so you make sure you’re documenting all the important stuff in an efficient manner.
• Be cool to your co-interns. Y’all are about to spend the next few years together. Don’t leave them in a lurch or punt to others all the time.
• Call the seniofellow/attending, especially at first. Even if they give you attitude, it’s ultimately their responsibility and they should know that.
• Try to update families daily if you can, especially for your ICU folks.
• Never, ever lie. Even once will destroy your credibility.
• Have a good attitude in a way that refuses to be bullied - don’t take that shit.
• Read all your own images. Then when rads drops a report, read that and see if you can find what they’re describing for every notes finding. It’ll make you a better doctor.
• Get to your new city as early as possible. Do things like car inspection, dentist appointment, vet appointment, etc. before July kicks off.
• Our profession has a high rate of substance abuse. Do what that what you will.
• Sit down with your family and SO and let them know what to expect and try to explain how intense this job is. When there’s a difference between expectation and reality, you have problems. Either way, it’ll strain your relationships.
• Because of this, be deliberate on spending time with your SO/friends/family even if you’re dead tired.
• Wear comfortable shoes
• Scour the hospital for the best restroom. Sometimes having a proper relaxed shit can turn a day around.
• Get to know your chiefs. Go to them with problems earlier rather than later.
• Use every minute of PTO
• Step outside the hospital for a few minute a day when you can. See the sunshine.
• Make friends with the cafeteria staff and they’ll hook you up to no end.
• Make friends with the transporters and techs - they will save you.
• Appreciate the hell out of what PT/OT/SLP do.
• Know how to tell a patient no.
• Pharmacy is your friend - they know things
• If something is emergent, keep calling to follow up. If your crashing patient needs abx, it’s not like some doctor video game where you put the order in STAT and everyone goes rushing. Call down and check the status, let them know it’s needed now.
• Don’t order everything STAT
• Calling people in general gets so much more done and avoids so many headaches.
• You’re going to lose your first patient. Remember how you feel, and make sure you never forget it. You’ll need it later.
• Hang out outside of work, invite the nurses as well.
• Election ‘24 is coming up in November so work is a great place to talk candidly about politics and try to change others’ beliefs /s
• If you’re struggling, reach out to someone.
• Try to get outside on your days off
• It’s not uncommon to end up on an SSRI
• Take the stairs places as much as you can. Cardio and a nice lower body workout.
• Answer pages as they come in. Anything STAT call back the moment you see it. Aim to get back to everyone within 5 minutes if you can.
• Day to night nurse shift change. Wait 30-45 minutes, then go around and talk to the nurse for all your patients. Let them get report and see if they have questions. Explain the plan, agree on when to call you, make sure orders all look good and make sense. We even used to bring candy from the physicians lounge to pass out for this.
• Put the diet order in
• Keep your presentations short and to the point unless someone wants them longer. Know the details, but you don’t have to recite them. You don’t have to say all the exam findings that were normal and not related to the patient’s disease
• Always be prepared to dodge a punch when near a geriatric patient
• Even a 5-10 minute phone call with your loved ones on a frequent basis can do wonders
• Some people are just assholes and you can’t take things personally
• Other people are mad at something else and want to take it out on you.
• Be cool to the med students
• Get good at delivering bad news
• Celebrate delivering good news
• Fuck prior authorizations man
• When calling a consult, have a specific clinical question you need help answering. Know the patient well. Keep the call centered around what you need from them but be ready to provide details if needed. “Dr. X wants you on board” is resident code for “I know it’s bullshit but my attending made me call.”
• Delirium and sundowning are real af. The trick is to get them home.
• Benzos aren’t just “settle down” drugs. It’s like a whisky shot through the vein in the sense that it can also disinhibit people and make wildness worse
• Get to know 1 thing about each patient other than what’s in their chart. What job did they have? What’s their favorite team? Do they have pets? You’ll remember them better when the list is large and it can make the job more rewarding
• If the nurse is worried ALWAYS go to bedside
• If you feel the urge to get a tattoo, do it
• Read everyone’s note each day on your patients
• Case managers and social workers are heroes. Get to know them and work together to get patients proper dispo
• Don’t wear your damn shoes in the call room bed
• Sit down in patient rooms if you can. It shows you’re listening, it’s less intimidating for them, and they’ll tell you more.
• Talk louder to older patients
• Sternal rub like you mean it
• Sit done one day, caffeinate, and do all those stupid compliance modules in a single bolus.
• Never make the same mistake twice
• If things don’t add up, your math is wrong
• Some patients don’t care about their health and won’t look after it after all you do. That’s just the gig.
• If something adverse for residents goes into place on a “temporary” basis, it never goes back the other way. Fight for your rights.
• You’re not crazy - the patient always tells the attending something completely different or remembers some important detail. We get it.
• Have a good comfort show to stream when you come home half dead.
• Trust but verify (that’s actually a Russian proverb Reagan borrowed when speaking about the USSR)
• Remember to love it more than you hate it. Find a way to make it fun. They say it’s the best time you never want to have again. You get to save and improve human lives. There’s no greater calling in the world than that.

I have this irrational fear of sending out invites specifically because I fear that people will rsvp no.
I sent it out to people that I knew would attend but the others I haven’t spoken to in a while due to busy lives etc.
Should I just send it? How do neurotypical people interpret this?
I think if people don’t rsvp or decline it then they hate me

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I'm from the west coast my bride is from the midwest, we both live four hours from her home town (we've been here for 9 and seven years respectively now). We got engaged in December and targeted a July wedding as we'd be moving to the east coast in August and wanted to move in together only after being married (we're Christian).
I was extremely maxed out with work and dealing with several family issues this winter including the death of my brother. I wasn't excited about the city of choice, but her mom's friend is a planner and agreed to do a lot for us for basically nothing. I knew i didn't have the capacity or wherewithal to push to my hometown, nor the bandwidth to offer much in the way of planning before summer hit—so I agreed.
We were shooting for less than 200 people (250 max) but now of the ~110 of my invites I've had only ~38 RSVP yes (of those not yet replied I don't expect more than ~10 more).
Aunts, uncles, cousins, close friends from several chapters of life where I was born and raised/lived until I was 27 years old (2015)...cannot make it. Some extenuating reasons, but many because they simply cannot drop ~$1K for RT flights + hotel etc.
I am sad and severely disappointed that I did not push to have the wedding in my hometown. I'm 35 years old, extremely extroverted, I've looked forward to this day for a long time and a huge part of this anticipation was having all of my favorite people in the same place at once.
I don't want to take away from her excitement, (we have ~200 guests) but I had to be honest let her know that I sincerely regret the location choice and that my excitement for wedding day is pretty deflated.
Edit: two things

1. Some have assumed that I've done nothing for our wedding, and put all the burden on her; that is not the case. I merely said we got a planner to help us. I've been active every step of the way and we have each devoted time weekly to tasks related to our wedding. I created our whole guest spreadsheet, designed our invitations, I made our website and registry, and all the other details we've collaborated on. What I said was I didn't have capacity to push for my hometown even though the current reality was a concern for me.
2. A few have mentioned this so I will say, we had already planned to do a smaller second reception in our current city (of which I would be championing most the planning as I will leave my job by June). We have already been floating the idea of nixing that or making it even more of a low key thing at church after service or something at this point, and are strong considering a second reception in my home town. Perhaps i am just in my feelings, but I really don't love the idea of having to plan another thing.

What do you do when you don’t know whether you will have 50 guests or 90 guests?
My fiancé and I are planning to get married in 2025. Likely in Toronto, Canada. We have lived all over the country and have friends all over Canada + international.
Our families add up to about 30 guests. Those 30 will attend no matter the date or location.
As for the 50-60 friends we’d like to invite, it is very difficult to anticipate who will be able to attend. At least 2/3s of them would need to fly from one coast or another to attend. We understand that this is not always doable (cost, time off work, etc). We are essentially inviting them to a destination wedding. There is no location we could choose where this wouldn’t be an issue for at least half our friends.
Having such a wide range for the potential guest count and not having a good idea of whether the wedding will have a lot of our friends or be mostly family with a few friends is making it very difficult for us to chose a venue and start planning.
To be clear, this is not an A list B list issue. We’d love to pick a venue that could accommodate everyone we’d like to invite and have them all attend, but it’s a challenge not knowing what kind of guest list we will end up with, because if we knew we’d plan the wedding accordingly.
Is there any way to resolve this conundrum other than picking a flexible venue and doing our best? I really wanted to include some kind of soft/pre-rsvp when we send out save the dates, but the internet seems to firmly agree that kind of thing is a bad idea.
Any thoughts?

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I guess I need a space to vent and see if I’m overreacting. It may be the hormones from the pregnancy but I think it’s just me being hurt and being valid for being hurt. I found out I was pregnant back in January when I took a test for peace of mind. I genuinely thought it would come back negative. But oh no it’s was positive. This is my first pregnancy and eventually I came around and I’m really excited to have my baby girl. My bf and I have been getting everything ready for baby girl to get here. I am having my baby shower this weekend on Saturday. I sent invites a lil over a month in advance. So it gives ppl plenty of time to get the day off if they work weekends or switch days. And to save up for gas money. Simply just prepare. I sent out the baby registry too and I put a lot of cheap things too because well my friends aren’t rich and I feel weird asking for expensive things. I also don’t really expect ppl to get things from the registry but it’d be nice. I mostly just want those who are my friends to be there. This is something that means a lot to me especially with all the emotional turmoil I had. This baby means a lot to me and I just want to celebrate with those who I consider my friends and family. At first only 2 ppl responded to the invite. One saying he can’t make it because his sister will be in town and she lives out of state. I understand and I appreciated him letting me know. The other is also pregnant and my shower is close to her due date so she can’t make it and I told her no problem I understand. I figured that’d be the case but I didn’t want to not send an invite as I care for her and don’t want her to feel excluded. Many ppl just didn’t even reply at all to the rsvp (I need a head count to prepare seats, tables and food and games) A lot of those ppl are ppl who I considered my dear close friends. Some ppl said they’re working and I kinda understand. I just think I have enough time for ppl to prepare. The way I see it is if they truly cared to spend time in this special time they’d make it work. Because again time was given. Only a handful of ppl are going and I really hope they don’t flake last minute as some have that habit of doing. I guess this event made me feel isolated from everyone as I’m the first of the friend group to have a baby. Ever since letting everyone know they don’t reach out to hang out or go places. I feel as I’ve lost my friends by getting pregnant. And it hurts because the grieving and hurt from lack of support in something that means a lot to me. So the ppl who didn’t reach out to at least tell me they can’t go for whatever reason I’ve decided to cut ties. Because of the principle. The disregard to at least say anything. I won’t be talking to them anymore, I don’t want them to even know anything about my baby when she’s here as well. My bf just says he’s sorry and that I may be overreacting due to hormones but he says at least your family and your best friend will be there. Which I guess he is right. Those ones matter the most. Am I over reacting by choosing to completely sever ties? Is it really just the hormones or would anybody else feel the same?

I thought I’d share this breakup with you all in the hope someone else has gone through something similar and maybe I can get some insight on it. There is a TLDR at the bottom as I know some of you won’t want to read this short story but please do if you can.
My ex broke up with me in a way that has left me confused and somewhat stuck as I am sure a lot of you are as well. We had been dating for 1.5 years, but had a very close friendship for around 3+ years. Fast forward to about 2 years of knowing each other, I had all but given up we would be a couple by this point. I had 0 expectations as we became best friends who’d talk everyday and I was happy with this. She then surprisingly asks me out one day and of course I said yes, we were so close with each other that it just made sense. This was one of the best days of my life.
What came next was what I thought was the start a very long and beautiful relationship. We were still mid-distance taking turns seeing each other at our hometowns or meeting in our local cities. When trying to brake down the barriers of being friends to lovers, it was initially awkward. She was very avoidant with romance and never really spoke about it to me. So was I in a sense but I was trying to break through. I had to be the one to initiate all of it, which at the time I thought was just a gender role thing she had in her head or something she wasn’t into (first red flag?). Besides that things had been going very well. We talked about everything, we went on trips together, and introduced each to our families which both respectively loved me and my ex. It was getting to the point where I wanted to live with this person. We could only see each other every weekend due to our jobs and commitments. I would have saw her during the week but it was never something she wanted to do (another red flag perhaps).
So just over a year into our relationship a relative of theirs gets very sick. My ex was extremely close to this family member and found it tough during this time. I tried to be there for her while this family member’s health deteriorated further, offering any solace that I could. Spending days with her or taking her out to try and give her comfort. I thought I was doing the right thing and she never communicated that I was doing anything wrong. There was also some hope during this time where the relative seemed to be doing better. This was when I feel we had our last happy moments together, where everything seemed normal, maybe better then normal. I wanted to start planning our future and live with this person but I couldn’t bring it up at this time as I didn’t want to make this moment about me while she was coping with her sick relative.
A month later the relative passes away which left my ex and her family broken. I tried whatever I could to be there, but also allow space for them to grieve in their own way. This was a very close-knit family that I had only known about a year. I felt welcome with them but didn’t feel I had earned that place where I could be with them during this time of extreme grief. I sent condolences and offered to go to the funeral, which my ex said she was fine with me not due to the distance and the fact that it was early on a weekday. This was maybe the first sign things had started to go downhill but I still regret to this day I didn’t just go anyway. She didn’t get mad but I suspect this may have been a sort of test in her head.
This was the point of no return for us but I didn’t realize it yet. The next time we met up she just wanted to meet for the day but had a proper excuse as to why she couldn’t stay over and I knew not to push anything at this point as she was deeply grieving. I allowed space for all the things she wanted to do with her family and said I’d be there for her if she wanted me to go anywhere or do anything. I tried to plan a trip away to get her mind off it as it was around my birthday and thought we should use this time to re-connect our relationship as it had been quite strained, again me thinking this was related to the grief. I am not a big birthday person but I always liked spending it with her. I called her one night to organize it as she had initially said yes over a message (this will become an ongoing theme). She goes on to tell me we should do it further into the summer when the weather is a bit better so we didn’t end up booking this. In hindsight I should have asked “Is anything up with us? Do you want to talk about it”, but I was still very much in the mindset where I didn’t want to push her about us because of her on-going grief. For my birthday we just meet up like normal, went out for a meal, and watched a movie at her house. I didn’t know this would be the last night we’d spend together, and if I did I would have done 1000 different things. But I just treated like normal and for the most part she seemed herself. An alarming thing was that we went for coffee and she brought up that she “needed a big change in her life” and started to ask me how I thought we had been doing as a couple. I told the truth as I saw it and said everything was going well but at the moment a lot has been happening in her life so it hasn’t been perfect, but this is not anyone’s fault. She then goes onto talk about our mid-distance situation, to which I bring up that I would love to start planning our life together when she is ready. This was met with a positive response and after that everything was normal for the rest of time we spent together. I thought this was the big change she wanted. Clearly though she had started to make her mind up on us and didn’t communicate this further until a few weeks later.
After that discussion I felt a sense of uneasiness she brought this subject up at this time, but naively I thought it was actually a good thing we discussed our future plans or even just us in general. We also committed to seeing and talking to each other more after that discussion. The next time I tried to make plans to see her, there was a pretty believable health related excuse as to why she couldn’t see me. I accepted this but we still talked on the phone about our plans together. One of the more confusing aspects during this time was she was inviting me to things for example; she invited me to a large event with her family a few months into the future, RSVP’d to an event of mine and told me her meal choices, and also we started to plan an international trip together. Anyone would say things were going well with us at least on paper. The next weekend comes around where I try to make plans again (which she had agreed to the week prior) and again disaster strikes health wise. It was nothing extremely serious but I still understood why it would be uncomfortable to be around someone with. I was willing to still hang out even if she was this way but she felt it was best to leave it. We do more calls and again normal conversation, making plans, laughing, talking about us.
I get a call the next day from her out of the blue where she claims to be unhappy and that “There was no romance left between us”. This came as a massive shock as she previously claimed it was distance or ongoing grief that was causing this rift. She said we should meet for a chat to discuss this further and all I could really do was accept it. I did ask if she wanted to try make this work as this wasn’t something we had discussed before in-depth. She said yes we can try to work on us. Confusingly I sent her a text after to reassure her about making it work and she said something along the lines of “I care for you deeply, but I just don’t see how this will work out”. The following week was the most awkward and demoralizing experience I think I have ever experienced. We still messaged each other more or less as normal. Sharing music, memes, and talking about general stuff but we didn’t bring up the pending discussion or anymore about how we would fix it. At this point I felt that there was hope but I still tried to prepare myself for the worst outcome. I wasn’t going to force it anymore if she felt we should leave things at our next in-person meeting.
The day comes where we met up for the dreaded discussion. I told myself I’d let her explain herself fully and not to get angry no matter what the decision was. She explained that “We weren’t on the same page” romantically and things had been really strained between us. Also the fact that we didn’t have much of a connection anymore. This came as a shock as I felt we did still have a deep connection, shared so many interests, and spoke to each constantly about everything. After all of her explanation I ask “Are you happy with me?” to which she says yes. Then I say lets work on all of this, have open discussions about what we are currently thinking of each other, and rekindle the flame that you believe to be gone. She actually seems happy with all of this and started to smile and laugh more like her old self. We started to talk about our future and I say we should start to look at places together, plan where we will move to, and other future plans. Again, she was happy with all of this and said “Yes I would like that”. Maybe I can’t read emotion or she was very good at hiding it but she seemed genuinely positive with what we discussed. Between our discussions I asked her two more times “Are you sure you are happy with me?” to let her express any doubts or to give her an out, as if she wasn’t then the relationship is over anyway no matter how much we try to fix it. She said yes she was happy with me. I also asked if any of these feelings came pre losing her relative. She said no. This was a very positive discussion and I felt we broke down a few barriers with how frank we were being. The conversation ends with us in a good place. We end up spending the rest of the day together hanging out as normal, getting food, shopping, and just talking about us and our future. We don’t spend the night together as we discussed a lot that day and it was best not to push things with all the raw emotion.
Sidebar but I don’t know how many of you have seen the TV show Chernobyl or know about the stages of radiation sickness. But there is basically a stage of rad sickness depicted in the show where you think the firemen are supposed to be near-death or showing signs of it but they seem to be making a full recovery, playing cards with each other, laughing, and having fun.>! It turns out this was the latent period before the radiation starts to shut down the body and (spoiler alert) the men do end up dying in a terrible way!<. This was me, I felt sick and helpless the week prior thinking it was over, but those few days that followed I was happy and thinking everything ok I have nothing to worry about.
Until it actually got me…
I call her with this renewed excitement in our relationship, to plan when we would next meet each other properly. But then I was met with coldness and before I could really talk about anything she says “She is not happy”. This struck me to my core, after everything we had discussed this is where she was. Was what she said previous all lies? Was she too scared to tell when we last met she wanted to breakup? Why do it now when I gave her the chance multiple times face-to-face to breakup? All of these questions started to rush through my head at once.
Her reason was that she came to the conclusion over the few days we spoke and felt it just wouldn’t work anymore as she lost feelings for me. I tried my best to compose myself as getting angry or sad wouldn’t help the situation. I just wanted to know why. I asked was there something else going on? maybe another person or something I didn’t know about in her life. She assured there wasn’t but honestly, I didn’t know what to believe at this point. I say “So it’s over then” defeated by my other attempts to save whatever we had, and she said she was sorry but it was fully over. I was in complete shock, I didn’t know what to do or say, it was over so quickly. She asked if we could still be friends and I said “No I would just always be looking for you to come back and seeing you with a new partner would destroy me”. This was my best friend by way and saying not only the relationship was over, but friendship is over was so much to take at once.
From then it was NC with each other and two weeks later she removed me from IG altogether. I removed her from other social media sites in what was a kinda cold war of “If you’re going to remove me ill remove you”. This broke me as we had so much history together on there and it was gone so quickly.
TLDR: After what I thought was a beautiful loving friendship-to-relationship of three and a half years my ex breaks up with me following the death of a very close relative. Before doing this she accepts to work on our relationship multiple times just to end up claiming “She lost feelings” and it would never work. We went from talking every day for 3.5 years to full NC and blocking each other.
I fear this is the worst kind of breakup where there is so much room for “what ifs” and “maybe if I did this”. There were red flags at certain points but when you mix grief into the equation it’s hard to decipher what is from the pain of losing their relative, and what was the stuff that they truly felt. I will forever wonder if the former never happened would we still be together. Maybe it would have ended anyway I just don’t know. All I do know is I miss my friend but there is properly no going back.
Was this breakup caused by grief from losing her family member? Was this always meant to happen but grief sped up the process? How can someone who was your best friend become your worst enemy a matter of days?
On self-reflection I do understand that I was an anxious avoidant who couldn’t let her go. She may have been a avoidant as well (fearful) but its hard to label it. I do know if she really wanted to stop things and told me what it was from the start, I would have her go. I was ready to do it during the last in-person meeting but she gave me so much false hope. I also don’t blame her as she sounded distraught the last time we spoke and I knew how much pain this breakup was causing her.
Anyone had a similar experience they can share, maybe tips to get over this kind of breakup? I would like to hear from both sides if you are the dumper or dumpee.
Lastly was I too harsh to say I didn’t want to be friends to protect my own feelings? Should I reach out and try to get more closure?
I am asking a lot of questions but those last two are the most important.

My father passed away last August (2023) and my then fiance (now husband) and parents came with me to Canada for my father's funeral. The same date of my father's funeral, my future in law (now FIL) has brought up wedding plans to my mom when we were at my childhood house in the evening. I looked down and I said "dad would have wanted me to have a small wedding and save money for a down payment on a house". I was in tears at this point. My husband's father got up and said to my mother "sometimes me and Natalie clash, this is one of those times and I have to leave now". So my husband''s parents left and I spent the night crying. When my husband (then fiance) and I returned home a couple of days later, my husband's mom said that her husband (my FIL) was so angry that he was cussing out and discussing if they have a connection with me. Then my husband's mom said to me two days after my dad's funeral that she doesn't feel a connection with me. After that, I was done with planning a wedding and my mom didn't have the energy to continue either. The family dog unexpectedly passed away in October 2023 and that's how my husband and I got our wish of a small wedding in January 2024. The only apology I got is "I am sorry if I upset you". I am culturally Polish and while I do eat North American food, it's usually low sodium, lower fat and sugar because my father had kidney disease and needed a specialized diet so we all supported him like that. I also have to medically be on a specialized diet. My in laws are obese and eat things that I am not used to or cannot eat. Some of the things I do eat in small amounts. My husband really enjoys culturally blending and making healthy foods too. This situation occured one month after my father's death. My MIL made soup from Costco rotisserie chicken (I already think it's too salty), she asked me on text what I think of it. I said it was too salty and she said to add some water. I told her it was better. I put lemon thyme in it that I grew from my garden. Aftery husband and I come from the local farmers market, my MIL asked about the soup. I said, perhaps it's the way I grew up eating but I think it still salty. My FIL asked about my uncle and aunt (who are local to the area) if they want to come to the house, I said "usually when my husband and I make plans it's last minute but this should be okay. Sure" I go upstairs to pee. My husband's dad said to my husband "why can't I get a straight answer out of her? I am so nice to her. Start to notice. If I was shit talked, you would defend me right?". I had a mental breakdown and needed to see a doctor and therapy. Then I listened to the whole conversation about me, it was heavy criticisms about me to my husband and how I took care of the family dog. The family dog had behavioral issues I took responsibility of further training. We learned later that he had an undiagnosed tumor that was possibly the cause or a factor in his behavior issues. He was a 100 pound saint Bernard poodle mix. My mom thought that the "start to notice" was an attempt to divide my husband and I so when I have a valid criticism of my in-laws, my husband would become defensive and create a division. That happened in September 2023, the family dog passed away in October 2023. My husband and I got married in January 2024 in a small wedding. Now, the in laws are planning a bigger wedding part on their dime in June 2024 for the people they wanted to invite to the small wedding. So for June 2024, I created an e-invite on canvas and my FIL asked for my login information 3 times so he can create the RSVP on Canvas. I explained what Canvas is and that people can order physical prints or screenshot to email their intended guests. He didn't like that so he looked for another software that has the RSVP, did his own invite. I said that canvas was recommended to me by my sister who was a photographer. So since we all live in the same house while my husband and I are saving for a house, I am forced to have a relationship with them. How do I manage this? Any tips?

Hi :)
I got invited to a F2F from Skywest and PSA, (Skywest: recruiting event, no need to rsvp, no flight provided. PSA: I got invited to F2F after submitted video interview, flight provided)
I wish I could go both, but if you have to choose one for F2F, which one would you choose?

My daughter has a teacher she might invite to her graduation party, but I don't want the teacher to feel obligated to bring a gift. My daughter is beyond extremely shy and I'm not sure if she can navigate that conversation to get the "no gifts expected" message across. Do we just trust that the teacher is a veteran and will figure it out or does my daughter try to stumble through the convo? (Daughter in therapy for major social anxiety. 😞 Teacher has had her in class for years and is aware of the SA.)
Help?
ETA: I actually don't want *anyone* to feel they should bring a gift, but I couldn't fit more than 3 lines of text on the invite, so just had room for reason for party, date, time, location, and RSVP phone numbers. 🤦🏼‍♀️ I feel like people are more likely to come if they know we don't expect anything and their presence is what matters.

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I sent save the dates a few months ago directed to the family. For example, the envelope label would read “The Smith Family” as the recipient.
Now it is coming close to sending the wedding invitation and me and my fiancé are debating on wether having kids or not at our wedding. He thinks kids will be running around and crying during important moments of our day, or that this is not a children’s type of event, etc. so he thinks we should not invite them, only kids that are already on our wedding party or that the families are coming from far away. So my question is, is it ok to send the official wedding invitations to the adults only? The label would now read “Mr & Mrs Smith” as the recipients.
My RSVP is going to be online, so I am able to only add the names of those invited, without the kids and also on the FAQ portion of the wedding site we will be saying that the event is adults only and we will only accommodate our wedding party and close friends.
I am feeling this is going to create a bad feeling on our friends that have kids because of the save the date, but at the same time I agree with my fiancé and think our wedding is for adults (it is a small venue, so I wouldn’t be able to have a kids area with a sitter for them) .What do I do? Should I send the invite only to the adults when I had already sent the save the date to the family? Is there anything I can do at this point that can make less rude to those with kids? Please help!

I heard joni say she was having the party this upcoming holiday weekend. Last party no one came. So she sends the invite out with a week to rsvp on a holiday weekend, she lives next to a military town . I feel like she is setting him up for failure. Any other thoughts of this? I know in my family we cook out celebrate our family who was in the service. Being a long weekend and the weekend most pools open for the season. How can she not know these things take place ?