My first time bahasa melayu

Hey y'all...so this has to be one of the craziest things that's ever happened to me and I really wanted to share it. Buckle up cause it's a long one...sorry in advance lol.
It started in 2019 I met this dude on kik from the Netherlands, let's call him...butthole. So, me and butthole hit it off, we're vibing, we're flirting, all that shebang.
We decide to date online long distance (cause I still lived in America at the time) so we text every day and we call a lot and it's just sooo nice. He was really sweet and nice to me. Well, August of that year I went on a trip to Ireland and got SA'd while there we'd been dating for 3 months at this point.
Once I got back home I finally worked up the nerve to tell him cause I legit had PTSD from that shit and when I did, he got mad at me. He accused me of cheating...I was like wtf?? So we broke up and went no contact and that was that.
Until
2020 it's lockdown....my diddly dumbass was lonely and bored and decided to text him! Like girl wtf was I thinkin? So I text him and he ends up apologizing for accusing me of cheating. He realized he was wrong and just like that, we went back to vibing and flirting. We're also making low key plans for me to visit him once lockdown is lifted too. After a few days of this I'm thinkin we're gonna get back together. But he says to me "I have something to tell you and you're gonna get mad at me".
And I'm like....ok? I didn't even know what to think like no clue what it could be (cause I'm dumb lol) And he goes "so I'm actually living with a girl who is (and I quote) officially my girlfriend". Oh man I was pissed and really hurt...like that fucking hypocrite!! So he goes on to explain they'd been dating for 2 Y E A R S!!
Anyway, so I'm dumb and was so in love and had no self esteem and thought he was the best I could get so I ask if he wants to leave her. He was like yea but we have a house together and I recently lost my job because of the pandemic so it'd screw us both over if I left now. I should've run right then and there but nooooo.
So I was like "you want to leave her and be with me right? Like, you will right?" And he said yes, I want to be with you, I'll leave if I can, blah blah blah." After a couple weeks of us acting coupley, sexting, sending pics, flirting and shit I woke up one day and realized, he's never gonna leave her for me. Ever. So....I decided I have to find this girl and tell her cause this is bullshit.
Problem is...I know nothing about her and apparently barely anything about him. He wouldn't tell me her name or anything. And he told me back in 2019 that he doesn't have social media (I should've known that was a lie cause who doesn't at least have facebook?) So I have nothing except his first and last name (later I find out he lied about how his last name is spelled and he gave me his nickname instead of his actual first name!...bro is a pathological liar I s2g!)
I tried looking for him on social media (obviously I didn't find him) I would try to ask about her name, but like in a really chill way, obviously he wouldn't tell me. I got desperate and googled Netherlands chat sites, and got on one and legit asked each person if they knew butthole mcbuttface from Rotterdam...I knew it was a long shot but I had to try.
That ended in a flop (well not entirely but I'll get back to that later) So then I get real crafty. I decide that I'm gonna play an adult fun game with him. I ask a question, he answers it truthfully and he gets a "reward". So I made sure to write out all the questions, starting with super innocent ones and I put the really revealing ones later cause I figured he'd be thinking with his other head at that point so he'd answer anything I asked.
We didn't do this over video call, we texted and I sent videos doing the thing (that way I could write down his answers) I did a lot of shit I'm not proud of. But I got the answers I needed. So I went all FBI and I got the specific area he lived from him and I ended up finding roughly where his house is, I was hoping I could find her name somewhere with that but it was a bust.
I tried to use the other answers to find stuff but I got nothing. I then decide to confront him over one of the answers (his brother's name) cause I legit thought he lied, it didn't sound like a name a Dutch person would have. He told me it was the truth. It's a really weird name for someone in the Netherlands so I looked him up on Facebook and I FOUND THAT BITCH!
That's how I realized he gave me the wrong spelling of his last name. So through his brother I found butthole's page and through butthole's page I found her!!! It took me weeks to find her! I was so shooketh! I couldn't believe I actually did it! So I go and look through her profile for a bit and I see that a few days before we played that game he FUCKIN PROPOSED TO HER!!!
I literally screamed when I saw that...I was so pissed and upset that he did that to her..... So I take a shit ton of screenshots and send her a message basically telling her everything. And she responded like "omg thank you for telling me". Like she wasn't upset at me or anything and that made me so sad. We chit chatted a bit and she was telling me all this shit about how she heard he was only with her for her money and blah blah blah...and she asked me for a few more specific screenshots which I gladly sent.
Then she said that she was at work and would confront him when she was home. I was in full support mode and was like I'm here for you and I'm so sorry this happened. And she was in support mode and she said she was sorry it happened to me too. So we exchange numbers and start texting. Later she texted me saying that she was off work and she was almost home and I wished her luck. At that point I texted him saying something like bye bitch good luck and blocked him lol.
So then I waited to hear from her...I check an hour later and saw that she blocked my number....I was so confused. I genuinely wish I could know what he said to her cause y'all...she ended up staying with him and getting married.I saw the pics on Facebook lol but yea....she could do so much better like...idk how this gremlin lookin ass bitch pulled 2 girls cause he's ugly inside and out. Idk if they're still together. I haven't looked in on them since I saw the wedding pics.
So yea, that's my story...but I said I would come back to the chat site not being a complete flop. I met a dude on there and we became friends and he introduced me to a guy who is now my boyfriend of almost 4 years and I ended up moving to the Netherlands to be with him lolol....I'm nowhere near where butthole lives so I'll never run into him but yea thanks for reading!

Hi, everyone. Okay, so I (26F) know that this is going to be a tall order, but if you had to organize foods based on their textures, how would you do it?
Right now, I’m dealing with PMDD symptoms, and the idea of eating just makes me think, “I have to eat, again? You’ve got to be kidding me.” My 27th birthday is next week, and I have no idea where I want to go out to eat with my family, or what I want to eat.
(PMDD is like PMS on steroids, for anyone who doesn’t know. I’m on an IUD implant since December for symptom management, but I still get some hormonal symptoms.)
Nothing is really appealing to eat right now, either mentally or physically, so I’m trying to make a list of food textures, starting first with food groups.
I’ve gotten a lot better and adventurous with food textures as I’ve gotten older, because I used to be hypersensitive due to autism. Now, the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction, in part due to depression, and any kind of food is just “meh” to me, even if it’s cooked and seasoned perfectly.
So far, I have a few descriptions for animal meat, and that’s it. On the other hand, I’ve found white fish meat to be very “flaky” and much less of a “meaty” texture than animal meat. Albacore tuna has a texture that’s very similar to chunky canned chicken.

• Crumbly: Ground beef
• Chewy: Tough beef
• Stiff: Chicken breast
• Wet: Rare steak
• Dry: Baked turkey

Fruits are tricky, because so many of them are “wet” in some way, which makes organizing them difficult. And the only thing that I could think about for broccoli/cauliflower is “al dente” when cooked or “tender” if overcooked and “crunchy” when raw.
I’m keto, so I currently don’t eat traditional bread products, pasta/rice, or sweets/desserts, apart from special occasions. But I do know that low-carb bread has a denser, chewier texture than regular American-type bread.
I know that I’m definitely having some type of hyposensitivity issues right now, because I could eat a mixed-texture food, like salad, and have a difficult time noticing individual textures.
Now, I know that don’t like grape tomatoes raw, because they “pop” when they’re whole, but cut them into pieces and then they’re fine. Similar thing with avocado because I don’t like it mashed by itself, but it’s fine when mixed with something else.
I’m trying to see what my current level of sensory perception is, and it’s not going well. I don’t know if I’m losing mindfulness/awareness or what, but I’m going to talk with my therapist about it tomorrow. Still waiting on the practice to hire a new psychiatrist.
I also started taking some supplemental zinc (25mg) on 5/16 because I’m wondering if that will improve the lack of interest in food and lack of taste satisfaction. I already take a multivitamin, but I know that sometimes, your body needs more than that. If that doesn’t show any improvement after two weeks, then there’s no harm in stopping it.

Hi everyone, im a current gr12 student who has a lot of free time on my hands.
I got accepted into and have helped others get into Western Ivey, McGill, Schulich, Rotman, UofT Mib, Laurier BBA (will be attending western ivey this fall- can send proof).
For any g11 looking to get into these schools, I would be happy to hop on calls during the summer to help you prep and start on your supp apps (feedback, essay structure, EC advice and development, etc.)
First 30min call will be free, and if you are happy with my service and want to continue, I’ll only be charging $10/session!
If you are interested, just send me a msg with your Instagram or number!

WWYD, Hello all, this is my first post in here so bear with me as it might be long and very detailed. My ex-husband and I have three kids together. I am currently in a relationship and have been for a few years. We live together and it’s a completely different relationship that I’ve ever had. There’s been a lot of me giving in as i did during my marriage. I was a severe people pleaser all my life, caving in to more than i ever should have to too many people. This year has been the first year that I really have stood up for myself when it has come to anyone in my life. It took me 5 years to leave my ex-husband. Our whole relationship was rocky. We, of course did have good times. My parents were split up when i was 3 and they both also had rocky relationships after. Along with that , my dad chose when to be present in my life. Due to all that, I was very committed even though even before our marriage, many people told me to break up with him. We had our first child, two years before we got married. Fast forward to Marriage, 3 kids total, and were currently in marriage counseling. I had already had one foot out the door. One of my breaking points during marriage counseling is him lying to our counselor. That was basically the end of the road for me. My kids were suffering and saw everything going on and it was just time for me to strengthen up. Divorce starts and that was hard enough. I’ll save the headache on that one. He took nothing, but his clothes and he signs a dissolution of divorce because he wanted nothing more to do with me. We figure out custody of the kids, I did not file for child support as i agreed not to due to the amount of money he was making. Due to me having epilepsy and not having my license, He would pick up and drop off the kids at my house. I really tried to have a nice coparenting relationship, caved over so many things and so much more. Fast forward so much has happened between then and now. Everywhere from my kids have been in therapy due to issues that have been caused by him, them being scared at the first place he lived, and so much more. My number one thing I have done is severely work on myself, so much so that after he split, I was able to get my license for the first time in my life at the ripe age of 34. Now, I’ve had my issues too, i am definitely not perfect. I met my boyfriend randomly the same time during my separation and divorce, waited 6 months for my kids to meet him. When my ex found out about him, sometime even before then, my ex would cause issues at pick up and drop off including to using his car to kick up dust on my boyfriends car, stalk my house when he would go out of the way to drive by it at midnight when he didn’t have the kids. Made racist and rude, sexual comments in front of the kids. I caved so much, so much more than I should have. I went to file child support, he gets the papers in the mail, begs me to stop it, so i do. Child custody, same thing. Wow, I didn’t know i would be typing this long, lol, but I have been meaning to post in here ever since I found this group and this seriously feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders since I’m finally posting. I update him on everything about the kids even though each teacher have communication apps and he gets them on Tuesday until 5. He doesn’t have our kids do their homework so they have to do it when they get home, I still do everything for them, of course he used to have to take them to all their appointments, I do give him that when it came to our oldest, he took so much pride in being her dad, but also turned her against me when she was 3, he also does take our youngest to speech. He isn’t in the best financial situation, hell none of us are these days, so I’m really trying to not file child support or child custody, but im at the point where having everything through the courts is going to make everything just ease some anxiety, I can’t be around him without shaking. We’ve been doing better at drop offs and pick ups, we meet half way now, he pays me once a week, a total of 600 a month. I struggle financially. I get less than 1200 on SSDI. Now, My kids absolutely love my boyfriend, he lives with us now. My oldest want to call him dad, but knows her siblings will tell their dad. When I ask him about Child support, He will tell me to have my boyfriend help me pay for things, which when it comes to house bills, he does help, when it comes to the kids though, I really try to make sure I can cover everything. Unless, it’s something at his house, I pay for everything even school items. But the clincher here is, he wants my boyfriend to do nothing with our kids and frankly, i am tired of hearing it. My boyfriend really wanted to try to patch things up with him ( he expressed it would be nice that we all could come together for the kids) since years have gone by, but my ex stated, “I don’t trust you with the kids, and I trust him less.” My boyfriend is really involved in the kids life, including school, but when it comes to school visits for things, he doesn’t go to avoid unnecessary drama. We went to my oldest’s band concert, it was a Tuesday so he had them, I had picked up my daughter to take her to band after she was picked up by him. She called me, he was yelling at her on the phone, cursing at her, after he cursed at her in front of her teacher just minutes before . This was after the 3rd time being over 20 minutes - 1 hour late to pick up our kids. One day he forgot about them. So band concert, My 2nd child wanted to come sit with my boyfriend and I my 3rd stayed with dad. My second has ADHD and OCD and her anxiety is very stressful for her. He told her, “if you go sit with your mom, you have to stay with her.” Well, while that might have been the best idea, although, she has done it all the time with each concert, she started breaking down crying and shaking in anxiety because her dad told her that and she missed her dad and wanted to go sit with him. He just kept staring over at us until our daughter played. When done, never asked why she was crying or if she was okay. Kind of just ignored her which again broke down in the car on the way home. She is extremely sensitive that even though there’s issues with dad, she tries to see past it because she does love him, as do all my kids. My oldest states that she doesn’t want to shorten the days because she’s scared of what he will do or take it out on them. There’s days she doesn’t want to go because how he acts sometimes. Things she expresses to me, she no longer wants me to address to her dad because he has yelled at me in front of the kids at pick up or drop off when addressed, he will completely lie through text or phone calls. She tells me that no matter what she will go to protect her siblings. Unfortunately, I feel the same way. I fear he will cause issues all over again. Thank you for the long read. I really do appreciate it. I apologize for the grammatical errors lol 😂
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Also, the day he yelled at our child the day of her band concert, I asked if he apologized and she said nope. He did although say,
Ex: I apologize
DD: for what?
Ex: for being a bad ass dad. *face palm*

so tonight someone bought a thing off my wishlist and sent the screenshot to me ( with info such as order placed, total, dispatch to {my name}, expected by {date} all that stuff)
this is the first time someone bought something from my wishlist so i have few questions that i really need answers to.
1.) can i see the tracking of the item? can i see process of shipment? 2.) can i see if they eventually cancel the order? and if so, will the still be in the 'purchased' section in my wishlist or no?
pls someone clarify it for me, thank you

Hey, I'm a returning player from 2020 I was rep 250 on PS. I recently bought the game on PC and the combat just feels way different from back then. Now it's just my opponent waiting for me to do something first. Am I crazy or it's just the new thing to do now ? And now it feels like low rep are like super strong, on PS a low rep was 70% of the time a beginner now they're just beating my ass.

I began EMDR 3-months ago and have been working with my therapist 1-2x/week to support healing C-PTSD. I resonate and really integrate Internal Family Systems into my healing process too.
After my very first session with my therapist (no EMDR, just talking as she asked me about the timeline of my life), my nervous system moved me into an EXTREME freeze response that, at one point, brought me into fetal position on the floor for hours (I lost track of time but know the entire morning passed by) oscillating between crying and numbness as I stared at the wall. This feeling began to ease up a bit into the afternoon but that lingering disassociation/numbness oscillating with anxiety/panic lingered for weeks.
We have moved very slowly and intentionally with each session… gently focusing most of our sessions on supporting the inflection point my romantic partner and I are experiencing, essentially deciding if we are staying together or parting ways. It has not been the healthiest dynamic but love and commitment to working together to figure things out has gotten us through to this point.. but radical change is necessary immediately for hope on either side.
I just had my first EMDR focused session with my therapist 2 weeks ago and have found that using bilateral stimulation throughout my daily life is extremely supportive for regulation. I’ve noticed something interesting is happening…
I still experience the pendulum swings between flight/flee and freeze — but I’m noticing that I am experiencing the oscillations in more of an “observation” way rather than “becoming” the experience my body and nervous system are presently in. I know that through polyvagal theory, healing and regulation is observable through the symptoms and sensations your body is sharing with you. In internal family systems (IFS), the protective parts begin to unburden as they tell their stories and develop trust in Self.
So.. I mean, I understand this makes sense. I logically understand it. It’s just SO interesting to actually have the embodied experience.
I guess I am interested in seeing if anyone else has experienced something similar? What did you notice next in your healing?
Big hugs, Xo

My mom has a big reoccurring issue with binge drinking. From my understanding, she’s been an alcoholic since she was a teen. She’s gone to rehab at least five times that I’m aware of, but there’s a cycle. She’s sober, she thinks she can drink in moderation, she fails at drinking in moderation and drinks god knows how much secretly, has benders where she’s debilitated for days and my stepdad (or whoever her enabler is at the time) helps her wean/detox, then she works her way up to a horrible life decision. Second to last relapse she drove my sister and I a long distance while completely inebriated. Once we drove two hours and got stuck after she passed out in the car, the time before that we got lost in the middle of the desert and my mom lost custody of us temporarily. Then she goes to rehab and she stays sober for a couple years.
I’ve always forgiven her because I really love my mom.
This last bender she mixed a month supply of benzos with an ungodly amount of alcohol. She said she was suicidal and we finally got her to go with an ambulance after several days. I was TWO WEEKS postpartum. While most grandmas help their daughters adjust to having a new baby by helping her clean or cook or take the baby so mom can nap, I had my newborn with a genetic disease in the ER in a baby carrier trying to bar my mother from ripping out her IVs. She was so far gone she was incontinent. We thought she had permanent brain damage.
She went to rehab and she’s now been sober a year and a half. I’ve “forgiven” her but every time I talk to her it feels like I’m talking to a ghost. This has been her first relapse in my adult life. It’s my husbands first encounter loving an addict. I lost my father to addiction so this isn’t my first time going through this. I’m 25 years old and sometimes I feel like how my friends described being spiteful of their moms when we were teens. I haven’t felt this before.
I really feel I have limited time on earth with my mom because I don’t think she’ll survive another bender. I feel like I’m wasting my time mad at her when my time is so finite. I still really feel like I’m talking to a ghost. My sister has gone extremely LC. I just feel so alone, especially looking back at my postpartum experience. Should I just be grateful she’s sober and move on??? Am I wrong for having this on edge feeling of her being a ticking time bomb??

On may 25th of 2023, I stopped drinking completely. Cold turkey. Im not a good drunk. Im an angry drunk. Not an angry tipsy, if I get like DRUNK DRUNK, I get angry at the littlest things. Last time, in may of 2023, I lied about drinking and how drunk I was. This is what triggered me deciding to stop.
so I stopped 100%.
from may 25th, 2023 - March 2, 2024.
My wife and I have been married for about two years. She has her son through a previous marriage. I have my son through a previous marriage and then together we have our daughter.
during this time, my wife never stopped drinking. She can be an angry drunk, but it is not inherently in her nature.
She would order drinks when we went out to dinner, she would drink white claws at the house. For a while, she was not asking me to go to the store to buy her alcohol, but rather having it DoorDashed to the house. I genuinely thought this was a huge waste of money, so I offered a handful of times to go and do that for her. It didn’t bother me.
I stayed sober for roughly 9 months, that is, until my wife and I went on a date night. I planned it, booked a reservation, all that stuff. Real nice.
Anyway, we are at dinner and my wife asked me, “so, do you see yourself just going without alcohol for like your entire life? Like forever?”
And I said, “I don’t know I thought about it a little bit, but honestly not too much. I do have this image, though in my head, of me as like a 50-year-old man wearing my hair is all gray and my beard is gray and me and you are at some family event, maybe Christmas, maybe Thanksgiving or something. And all the kids are running around and doing their thing and I am just kind of looking out at all of the activity and really feeling proud of what we have built and the family we have built in the relationships. And in my hand is a glass of really really nice whiskey with a big ol ice cube, right in the middle. Like… That’s the idea that I have in my head for like… Satisfaction? I guess? Comfort? Security?”
So we talked a little bit more about that, but it ended up with her, offering me a glass of wine. And I said sure. It’s date night. It’s been like nine months. I have no intention, nor desire to seriously begin drinking again. Like I have absolutely zero desire to drink to get drunk.
Anyway, I had a glass of wine. Had one glass of wine. Enjoyed it. It was very nice. We had a great night. Went home. That’s it.
But then, like… Fast forward like a week or two or some thing… And one of the things I drink a lot is lemonade… So she comes home and she’s got two really tall Mike’s hard lemonade. And she’s like I got these for you to try. and I was like OK. And I drink them and we hung out and had a great night I didn’t get like wasted or even remotely close, and no issues. Cool.
So, then, like one night, I’m by myself, like I do every Sunday and and then, the urge just hit me to like have a claw. And I was like I mean, sure, why not? Like my whole mentality around drinking has changed over the course of this past 9 to 10 months , so I’m not worried about it in the least. I know my brain.
So I have a claw. I have two of them.
And then, the next day, she asked me, “hey, did you drink my claws?” and I was like, “yeah I had some.” and then she’s like, “I didn’t know we were like getting back into it like that.” And I was like what do you mean? And she was like well you were just by yourself, and you felt like you needed a claw. And I was like I didn’t feel like I NEEDED a claw, I just like felt like having one, and she was like that really scares me.
and i GET THAT.
But I’m also really fucking confused. And I feel like I’m being yanked around a little bit.
And then she just went on this spiel about how this is starting to really make her nervous in really scare her and shit.
and I just feel really annoyed. And confused.
Like I’ve made so much fucking progress in the thing is dude… I think alcohol had a massive role to play in me making bad choices, but I do believe it was the bad choices that led to the climax of me and my wife’s bullshit.
I thought my brain had changed and developed and I just think my view on alcohol and like a drinking socially has completely and 100% changed.
And I think my wife like SOMETIMES wants her old drinking buddy back or something… I don’t know. But it’s like she’s only cool with it when she gives it to me? Or when she wants me to have it?
so then like the whole month of May. I mean, it’s like… back to the old days of drinking in the house. Im not getting obliterated by any means, but like im coming home, cracking open a claw, etc. she’s cracking open claws, etc. and we’re drinking and having a blast and its all fine, staying up WAY later than we should have. We’re not getting in fights tho. Its all fine.
then, rewind to this past sunday. It was my morning to get up with the kids. I do. At about 12:30 PM, I crack open my first claw. That was my first mistake.
everything, is mostly fine throughout the day, no big deal. But then I go to start my start my hobby @ 5:00 PM, where i will be by myself until about 11:00 PM.
while im doing my hobby, im drinking, my wife and I are texting about a friend of ours and how they’ve been acting like not so cool lately. And its been bothering me.
by 11:00 PM im pretty drunk. Likkkeee pretttyyy fuckin drunk.
i call my friend up, we have a great conversation about the shit thats been on my mind. All good.
but then, I get off the phone, I go into our bedroom, i lay down on the bed and I begin telling my wife that I spoke to our friend and before I can even get through the story, wife can tell that im like 3 sheets to the wind. And starts yelling at me. Getting upset at how drunk I am. Understandable. I was not in a place to like… have that conversation. Like I was GONE. And then this fuckin angry version of me comes out. and we start arguing. I slam doors. I say NASTY shit. She locks me out of the bedroom. That pisses me off. I try to get in by just whiteknucling the door handle. Doesn’t work. I leave. I kick a laundry basket. I grab a blanket. I go up stairs to the couch and pass out.
the next morning, wife gets up with the kids, takes em to school, I try to talk to her in the morning. We get into another fight.
i spend all day upstairs. I work all day from the up stairs loft.
our daughter gets home. I make her dinner. We go about our regular shit.
i was scheduled to do my hobby again last night. I was not in the mood. I hung out with my wife in our bedroom all night just scrolling through my phone as she worked on her computer.
she realizes that im tired and gets upset saying, “its like if youre not doing your hobby, everything else bores you and you’re tired.”
i tell her, “I honestly didn’t think you wanted anything to do with me today.”
i stay up, scrolling through my phone.
she had conversation with me about certain things. About the gift we bought my son (her stepson) and where we were going to set it up and how to take care of it.
she talks to me about these two songs she’s heard that seem to have the exact same beat.
we talk about how we need to re-do our budget bc we just got new bank accounts.
we laugh a few times.
eventually, she climbs into bed, we watch an episode of last week with Jon Oliver, and she rolls over to go to sleep.
before she falls asleep, I tell her how sorry I am,. How ashamed and stupid I feel. I tell her im so sorry for overdoing it. I dont know what got into me. I dont know why I decided to drink so heavily. I tell her that isn’t the type of husband I want to be. I tell her it’s not the type of father I want to be. I scared her with how drunk and angry I was. And its like all the hard work I did over the past year, it’s completely went away and was tarnished bc of the decision I made in one night to drink so heavily. I tell her I dont know how she could ever forgive me and I understand that. I tell her if I were to lose her, it would be considered my greatest failure. I tell her a lot more before I say, “and thats about it really.”
she says, “I dont know if I can respond to that right now, but thank you for sharing.”
she falls asleep. I fall asleep. I toss and turn all night. Dreading this morning to come.
i wake up, I get the kids ready, get daughter breakfast, get myself ready, I take daughter in to say bye bye. She is as sweet as ever with daughter. As if nothing happened.
i leave, take daughter to daycare, I go to work.
we havent spoken. ———
I don’t know what to do.
I thought that I was different. And I thought that after spending so much time not drinking any alcohol, I had formed a sort of new relationship with it and now had control. I don’t know why I made that stupid fucking decision to crack open that white claw at 12:30 PM.
I’m now thinking that I’m going to lose my wife and kids. And I have never been so scared in my life.
The obvious answer is, “you have to stop. Not even a few drinks and getting tipsy and being able to handle it is even remotely worth risking losing my wife and kids.”
I could give a fuck about drinking alcohol ever again.
I don’t know how I let it weasel its way back into my life. But it is the definition of a slippery slope. It just keeps going. And I got too comfortable and too confident in my ability to maintain. Until I got obliterated and lost all sense of dignity and respect.
I don’t know what the fuck I could even begin to possibly say for her to give me another shot at this. Of course, I think if we both stopped drinking, that would be the most ideal reality, but I don’t think that she should have to pay for my bullshit.
If there’s anyone out there, who read this whole thing, I really do appreciate it.
i’m just looking for some sort of advice as to what to do next

Hello beautiful people,
Today we were in a meeting (around 20 people) and we had a workshop. We went into smaller groups and I was confident and all good. In the end we had to summarize what we’ve discussed in-front of the bigger group and the group chose me to represent them. I went to talk and I blushed a LOT. Like literally i couldn’t stop removing the sweat from my face. I also blacked completely out and couldn’t talk. I feel terrible right now for this. I feel worthless and stupid and so insecure. This is not the first time this happens, but it’s definitely the time it made me feel the worse.
Help me 😞

Hello all! It's my first time on this sub :) I have just stumbled upon the Mark Blanco case and I wanted to know more about those who were present at the time of his death. I've already read all about it, but, I also wanted to understand what other crimes the people at the party had committed in the past and would commit in the future- kind of like to understand as far as each person present has ever gone. But most sources that I can find about the people who were at the party only ever cover Mark's death.
Who do you think, from your point of view and knowing their record and general behaviour, might have killed Mark? (Assuming he was killed ofc)

I’ve read in this sub that most of the time T-Shirt bras don’t fit correctly. I bought the Freya Undetectable T-Shirt bra and it fits great. I thought I had gapping at first but it turned out to just be a strap adjustment issue and now I have essentially a perfect fit.
My problem is I have sensitive breasts, and I have never had a T-shirt bra with such thin padding. Does anyone know of any other similar styles with slightly thicker padding?
34GG/ 34J for size reference in case that’s important.

It's been over a year now since. Highschool sweethearts, love of my life since I was 16 and he was 18. Even then I knew there were red flags, but he was an 18 year old and I told him exactly what I wanted and he agreed. We were good for the most part, at least I thought so. He always had his inconsiderate moments but Wes work it out - or rather I'd just move by because I wanted to nurture the relationship.
He broke up with me several times before. Once because of health thing I couldn't control. Another because he was supposedly having job and money issues he wanted to figure out alone. Another because I moved in with him and his grandma after a house fire and he got tired of me being in the same room as him when I didn't move out quick enough because my family struggled to find a home. There were a couple other occasions I know I missed. Each time I let him go with love and wished him the best, but told him I was sure he was my person. He always came back. Despite the fact that for years he wanted to sow his oats, explore, see what was out there. I encouraged him to do what he needed but he assured me that he wanted to be with me.
I knew when he was having doubts. He'd get hot and cold, grow distant at odd times. He liked sexy pictures of girls online - and when I saw him doing it I worked up the courage to say that it made me uncomfortable and he was defensive at first before apologizing. He did it again a year later and had no remorse. And used the opportunity to tell me he'd been thinking about breaking up with me around my birthday. He admitted that to me on other occasions too. He pushed me to take a job in another state because he knew it would be an excuse to leave me. And he always discussed doubts about our relationship with other people, one of those people being one of my best friends since I was in middle school.
He broke up with me this last time a month before our 8 year anniversary. He said he didn't want to live together and struggled to see a future. He wanted to get numbers and show up his friends with no game. He said he didn't know who could satisfy him emotionally, mentally, sexually (except maybe a threesome ((his words))). But he wanted to be single. Unlike the last time he announced it to our friend group in a prewritten message, changed his status, removed our pictures, and went out to the bar two days later and asked for a mutual friend's number.
He did a lot to continue to hurt me. Including trying to come back out of jealousy.

• asked for the mutual friends number
• liked my mom's provocative pictures on Instagram
• he didn't remember the year I was born
• he only treated me like a friend in group settings
• he never knew how to comfort me
• didn't defend me to his grandma who called me a gold digger even though I never asked him for a penny
• always used me to gauge his feelings
• got a 21 year old girlfriend
• called me crying to say he could only envision a future with me, but then said he actually wanted to be with the new girlfriend and that he actually didn't feel anything romantic for me despite all he said during our 6 hour in person talk
• hit on his "best friends" ex and got nudes from another one

He wants to come back, and I've been able to tell him no despite him saying everything he knows I want to hear. But I know I dragged out the pain for a year. He finally blocked me after I wasn't responding how he wanted. And I know it's for the best and I should have blocked him myself but I love him so much. I'm grieving all over again. I just want to rant I suppose. Or get reassurance. Or be told I'm stupid and need to get over it.
Sorry this was so long. I left out so many things. Just feeling really anxious today and wanted to get it out.

Hello all,
I will cut to the chase. I've been friends with my guy bff since high school; however, we got a lot closer since we went to the same college across the country. Our close friends got into a relationship, so we third-wheeled together. I transferred back to our hometown, and we've been best friends long distance ever since. I've had a few romantic feelings here and there ever since I healed from my ex. I date other guys sometimes, but I don't feel as fulfilled as I am with him. He helped me heal my ideas of men and is a better friend than all of my girlfriends combined. He cares, is vulnerable to me, and never shames me for being myself.
Why I think he might like me:

• He sends me playlists
• He cooks me food and makes herbal tea blends for me
• He always asks how I'm feeling deep-down and has told me stuff he has never told anyone else.
• I met his family at a family gathering, and his parents thought I was pretty and asked me deep life questions.
• He says I'm his only friend or soulmate from time to time (He's spiritual, so that could mean anything)
• He never tells me how or when he flirts with girls. He once talked to a girl at a party but ensured I did not see them.
• He plans one on one friend hangouts (light watching the moon, picnics, flea markets, etc.)
• Sometimes, we have deep eye contact (which I could be overthinking about)
• Also, we've spoken about intimacy and lovemaking multiple times, and it didn't feel weird. It flowed.

Why I think he might not like me:

• He compliments but does not say it directly
• We never really touch (it's only platonic hugs)
• He introduces me as his friend
• We don't have the extreme sexual tension I usually prefer
• He currently lives across the country
• He hides his emotions about most things and has a hard relationship with his mother
• He doesn't seem jealous when I talk about other guys, but he has never really approved of them either.

Anyway, please tell me the truth. I don't know what to do or if I should say anything. I usually let guys approach first.

Hey after all the fun with snooker stats being had after the Worlds, I wanted to have a dabble myself. For that, I would ideally need a database with all the players that have ever been in the top 16 (or at least a database of players that contains their highest world ranking). The closest I've found is this but it's hardly a database and it's only up-to-date until like 2022.
I also don't know if it's possible to access cuetracker.net more directly, i.e. download some sort of data directly from the page.
At the least, it would be helpful if someone could help me with a list of players who've made it into the top 16 for the first time in like the last 2-3 years i.e. that were not yet listed in the table in my first link. So far, I could think of Hossein Vafaei, Gary Wilson, Zhang Anda, Tom Ford and Jak Jones. But I'm sure I'm missing some people.

I filed 5 claims previously, everyone of which got denied, rightfully so, there was no evidence aside from hearing tests that I failed during enlistment, and DOCS word. I filed for Muscle spasms, headaches, hearing loss + tinnitus, and a skin condition.
I have been dealing with depression, anxiety, and substance abuse since I’ve gotten out. So much so that my entire apartment was piss bottles, fast food bags, and important paperwork. I threw out 99% of all paperwork related to the marine corps, luckily I had a digital copy of my DD214 from a job app, and DOC has personally sent my med records to my moms address which saved those. The problem is I was dealing with this in the marine corps, and had gotten arrested during a RAM inspection at the gate @ 20, got into some trouble in Japan, and was in outpatient at or before 21, and let me fucking tell u I wish alcohol was never invented. I ended up popping on a piss test and my DD214 literally says drug abuse, but outside of that I have 0 evidence. I also complained about lower back problems, breathing problems, lost my front tooth, and I had a recurring dislocated, that dislocated multiple times in service as well as out. Not sure if I should appeal or file new claims first

I'm not sure if I'm allowed on here but I'm a trans guy, though I've never taken testosterone. I've struggled with my body hair for a long time. Sometimes I actually liked having body hair, but it also made me self conscious because girls and women are expected to be hairless. But once I came to terms with my gender, I didn't have as much of a problem with it.
In the past 5 or so years, I've noticed quite an increase in hair, although that could just be due to puberty (I'm 22). The issue is that especially in the last couple of years my arm and leg hair has started getting much longer, coarser, more unruly, and almost frizzy? And they tend to stick up. They resemble some of the weird wiry hairs I tend to get on my head. For context, I have straight black hair, but I lots of hairs like this, which makes my hair look messy 24/7 no matter how much I brush it. I remember first getting them during a stressful time in 4th grade, then it went away, then came back around my last year of high school and it's been like that since. I always assumed it was stress but it might be hormone related. It bothers me cause they really do resemble pubes. Here's the hair on my arms. There were some hairs that were a lot coarser but I already trimmed those. Before my body hair was just straight and it laid flat so it didn't bother me as much. But now I'm seriously considering shaving my arms or getting laser.
However my main worry is that my hairline is thinning. Started around 4-5 years ago as well. The hair loss is concentrated near where my hair parts at the crown. It has very slowly gotten thinner over the years, but sped up quite a bit in the last 8 months or so. It may not look too bad at the moment if I style my hair correctly but I worry that it'll only get worse.
I don't understand why these things are happening. I've been hairy my whole life, but these changes are really odd to me. My T levels are normal, thyroid is normal, ovaries are normal. So no PCOS. I was diagnosed with Celiac about 2 years ago but I've been eating gluten free since and my blood work comes back clean.

I’m trying to not take it personal but it’s what the title says.
At first my manager dumped a project on my lap to lead, then people started to overrun me. My manager didn’t protect me and instead told me that I wasn’t leading anything. Now meetings happen without me, even though I’m the only dev implementing these things.
My manager does a terrible job to keep me in the loop (dunno if intentional or not), despite me asking 719173819181717 times about it.
Any advice?

As the title says. Next week my 2 1/2 year old starts daycare for the first time ever. She’s been with me her entire life. We have read stories, taken her on tours of the school, and talk about it almost every day. We tell her how fun it will be, how mommy and daddy will be back to pick her up, etc. we have done everything we can think of to make this transition as smooth as possible for her. I know the first day (and weeks) will be hard, hell I’m crying typing this lol But does anyone have any tips to make it less hard? If at all possible? Should I do a full day starting out? Half day? Few hours? I’m so lost on what to do and I’m so scared of her hating me because of it.

TW: abuse, animal abuse
I need some support here.
(I want to preface this by saying I would never tell my friends this, I know what they are going through is much harder than what I am going through, this is why I came to y'all!)
Background (you can skip if you want): When I first moved to my city I didn't know anyone. I had an abusive (soon to be ex) husband and was having some major issues with my disability (I could barely walk). I spent a year only hanging out with my stbx. Well, he abused me, and threatened to kill my cat and me, so I kicked him out. I started over on my own (I had no family or IRL friends at this point), and I moved into my own place and discovered I CAN take care of myself despite my disabilities. That I am capable and I don't NEED anyone.
Then I met my boyfriend who I now I live with and our friends. I met them at work and then we became fast friends, they then introduced us to their larger friend group. It was the first time that I'd felt like I belonged. They didn't judge me for being ND. There are 4 ND kids in their families and at least one other person is ND. And we all get along so great. I have NEVER had a community before and now I do. 😭😭😭😭 I'm sobbing as I write this.
Well, the initial 2 people we met have to leave for work. They are moving across the globe. I'm devastated. My autism doesn't know what to do and keeps trying to pull away. My ADHD can only think of a million crafts to start for them, which I have, and then I remember (again) that they don't have room and asked for no gifts.
I don't know what to do now. I know they aren't picking to move away, and that they love me, but I also feel abandoned a little bit.
I'm very worried our friendship will fizzle out too. They usually do ☹️

im 20 F , about to be 21 in about 5 months (about to join the under 21 club) & since the age of 5 ive had ocd. It came in stages , starting when in preschool and calming down for a few weeks until it found something else to obsess over. it took everything away from me but my final straw was when i was 17 and about to do my a levels that the years of constant back and fourth , always having to live like it was life or death caused me to have a break down.
because of that breakdown everything spiraled and i became practically bed ridden. I couldn't shower myself, i couldn't eat on my own , I couldn't do anything anymore and no amount of therapy or medication could fix it. Due to the stress , or well i assume it was because of the stress my cognitive ability hasnt been the same. My thoughts arent the same , everything has been fucking taken away from me.
After months of sleeping in my own piss because i was afraid of having my calves touch the toilet , having my mother feed me because i was too afriad to touch a fork and scrubbing the skin off my body i finally gave up and made a rather lazy attempt to od
Im grateful for my od though because it made me realize that i didnt want to live this way anymore and i started to expose myself to what i was afraid of.
fast foward a year and a half later. i am able to do things again, some would argue that im basically back to normal but that isnt the case.
it never disappeared, it never left , it took away my second chance and i dont have it in me to do this anymore.
my life is over , it'll always be over.
no matter how hard i try it'll never work out for me, i wish i died the first time.
ive made up my mind , i dont want to try anymore , im afraid even writing this because of the thoughts im having about all this. Im sick of it. Ive tried and im fucking done trying.
before I go , there's still things i want to do , i want to visit all the places nostalgic to my childhood, i want to watch all the movies that felt as if they meant the world to me when i first saw them , i want to take long drives and listen to my old playlists , i want to cultivate as much of good i can from what few things brought me peace
i dont expect anyone to read this but i had to say it somewhere