Nip slips not blocked

I have a 7.5 year old baby with adrenal disease and two liver masses, one which is pressing on a lobe. Inoperable, and terminal.
He has good days and bad days. On the good days, he's almost normal. You wouldn't be able to tell that he is dying from liver cancer, except that he is only awake for 1-2 hrs out of the day instead of the typical 4-6. When he's up, he runs around for a max of 10 minutes, uses the bathroom, then goes to sleep.
But when he is having a bad day, he doesn't eat. He no longer drinks, either, I mix wet food with electrolytes and water and give it to him all together. On bad days I need to force feed him. On bad days he vomits. On bad days he loses control of his bowels and bladder, to the point where the puppy pads covering the floor of his 6' by 8' enclosure is nearly saturated with his feces and urine within six hours. And yes, it's a lot of output.
He also seems panicked on bad days. Cage raging every moment he is awake and not out of his enclosure. He never used to do this. (He gets 6 hrs of outside time a day.) He seems to want to be around me a lot more. I'm guessing he is in pain. But he still wants to run around and explore - he just won't play. NO war dancing. Not for a few weeks now.
He was diagnosed seven months ago. I was happy to have that extra time with him. But now - I really hate to say it - I want to nip things in the bud BEFORE it gets bad. His ALC liver values are so high the machine can't read it - multiple vets have run into this problem with him. When he first crashed, he was all yellow and his bilirubin was over 1,000 units.
We don't want him to know what it's like to have a seizure. We don't want him to lose the use of his back legs. We don't want him to crash again. We've been supplementing with Milk Thistle and prednisone, but that can only buy us time for so long. And it's been a long time.
But today, he's been having a good day. It's so hard when they flip back and forth like that.
We made the appt for next wednesday. My fear is that the Lap of Love vet will turn us down for euthanasia, and that he will have to have an emergency or a crash before they will do it. We don't want that. What we want is to see him slip away at home while he is comfy, after having a wonderful party where he gets to eat all the things he wasn't allowed to eat before and explore all the places he wasn't allowed to explore and chew on all the rubber things. We want him to feel safe, cozy, and loved instead of having to feel sick and scared and on the way to the emergency vet in the car, which he HATES.
We don't want him to know what it's like to have a seizure, or to know what it's like to lose function of his back legs, or to ever have to crash and be jaundiced again.
Tell me ... am I doing this too soon? Do you think the vet will turn us down?

The night was bone-chillingly cold. The slightest whisper of a breeze nipped at my exposed ears and drafted unpleasantly within my overly large winter coat. The black, barren trees stood unmoving like sentinels bearing ominously down upon either side of the sleet-slick street, which was lit only by dim street lamps that, other than creating a dull yellow reflection on the otherwise unlit pavement, seemed to do nothing against the oppressing dark of this fateful December night.
I had passed through a wrought iron gate twenty minutes before, the gate that separated a cozy subdivision from this eerie, undeveloped stretch of road that seemed to be dropped in the middle of the forest. I could think only of my warm, lively hearth and a nice, hot cup of tea between my palms, which now, instead of being pressed against warm porcelain, were being stabbed by my untrimmed fingernails as I tightened my fist onto the leash and plunged the other still deeper into my coat.
This night was the culmination of weeks of investigation on a missing person’s case turned sour. A man named Arthur Smith had reported his four daughters missing, then hung himself three days later when we couldn’t find anything. Oddly, Arthur’s body went missing from the morgue shortly after. The only trace left was an incredible amount of flies, and we were displeased to see that every drawer was leaking a mixture of blood and embalming fluid because the refrigerant pipes burst. When we opened them up, the neck of every corpse had been slit.
Eventually, through good detective work, we were able to connect some dots, and that led us to where we were now: We were now on a manhunt for a suspect that was last seen at a gas station about a mile up the road, not two hours earlier. We checked a network of cameras to see that he had headed for the woods, grabbed the hounds, and here we were.
My colleagues and I were spread around in different parts of the forest with the police force’s seven bloodhounds. I got stuck with Old Ben, the force’s droopiest and most seasoned canine. He was partially blind and notorious for not obeying commands. He didn’t even respond to a dog whistle, which was why some of my colleagues thought his hearing was shot. I doubted this theory, though, because sure enough, when somebody whispered the word “biscuit,” Old Benny perked up and started wagging his tail.
Another ten minutes found Old Benny and I at the end of the once seemingly endless street, with the streetlamps and pavement stopping abruptly at the edge of the woods, which had not entirely swallowed up a bulldozer. Old Ben stopped and sniffed the air for a moment, then plunged down a path in the woods to our right. It was a dirt path, not two feet wide, overgrown and partially washed out, making it an unpleasant and muddy journey from here on out.
…
My flashlight was now the only source of light illuminating our way. Its beam slid over roots and rocks that jutted out of the path at odd angles and briefly swept over the nearest trees, bringing them out of the shadow for a moment. I felt claustrophobic as they bore down upon me and upon the path. The only sound was my deep breathing, my sloppy footsteps, and Benny’s blundering in the mud about ten feet in front of me.
The path turned in such a way that I could see faint moonlight up ahead, but a cloud soon covered the moon and removed the slight comfort its light had provided. I continued following the curve of the path, and pointed my flashlight up ahead. Suddenly, everything was pitch black, as my flashlight had just gone out without a flicker. I was especially annoyed because firstly, I had just replaced the batteries earlier that week, and secondly, I caught a glimpse of the dark outline of what seemed to be a small cottage up ahead, which was now invisible in the darkness.
To my surprise, Benny stopped as soon as the light went out, which made it easy for me to replace the batteries with the ones that I always carried around in my service belt. To my dismay, Benny did not continue walking when the light flickered back on, even when I started tugging on his leash. He simply sat in the mud and peered at the cottage in the distance, which I knew for a fact he couldn’t see. The cottage was incredibly run down, but I couldn’t see much more, as it was just at the edge of my flashlight beam.
I began feeling uneasy when Benny started whimpering and backing away, tail between his legs. Our dogs were trained to bark when they found something, not stand still, and certainly not whine and back away. Old Ben had never been a skittish animal; I had never seen him act like this before. I peered back at the cottage, suspecting something more sinister than I was originally prepared for.
I tied Benny loosely around a nearby tree, so he could pull away if need be, pulled out my handgun, and continued on. Not fifteen seconds later, I was hit with the smell of blood and wet dog, and heard whimpering to my left. I told Benny to stay, and turned to find him where I left him, about twenty yards behind me, looking at me like I was insane. I bent down and examined the source of the noise, only to find one of our bloodhounds laying just off the path and covered in a mixture of mud and its own blood. It was missing its hind legs and was shivering badly. I cursed and dispatched it with a quick slit with my utility knife, then unclipped its collar and stuffed it into my pocket before turning away. I did not want to alert the suspect of my position. I grew worried about the location of my colleagues, as our dogs were trained not to run off. I also wondered what kind of predator would have taken only the hind legs of an animal. I tried not to think about it as I continued on.
As the cottage grew nearer, I was able to make out a few broken windows reflecting my light back at me. Through these I was able to see that the inside of the cottage was pitch black, the darkest black I had ever seen. I walked closer still, and I couldn’t stop looking into the darkness of the cottage. The darkness was so potent it seemed to be spilling over the window sill into the crisp night air. I felt consumed. My heart began pounding within my chest, and I felt colder than ever as I stepped toward the gravel path that led around to the left of the cottage. The sudden change in surface and the sound of my feet crunching upon the gravel seemed to break my trance, and I shuddered.
I didn’t know why I had felt so trapped, and I didn’t like it. Something was definitely wrong with this situation, and my feelings of dread intensified as I followed the gravel path around to the front of the cottage.
A dripping noise interrupted my thoughts and temporarily washed the dread from my mind. I paused. I determined it was coming from the direction I was headed, but I couldn’t see the front door yet as the porch was draped with ivy. I was suddenly hit with the putrid smell I knew all too well: the smell of death. It hit my nostrils like a truck and returned my feelings of dread all at once. I shined my beam to the front steps.
There was a dark, red liquid trickling gently down the steps, pooling under the porch: blood. I looked up onto the front porch, now visible, and saw the torso of a man hanging from his neck about three feet away from the front door. His legs were nowhere to be seen, though there was a blood trail leading into the house, and his glistening entrails swayed sickeningly with the light breeze. Blood was pooling below him, trickling down the steps, and down through the cracks in the porch. It had begun coagulating, and dark swirling orbs rotated in the puddle each time a drop splashed down. I looked up again at the carcass and recognized the man as our suspect. There was frost beginning to form at the edges of his mouth and over his glassy eyes, but his exposed entrails were still steaming. Furthermore, the blood dripping from his wound was still deep red in color. The back of my neck prickled and I knew this man had not been hanging for very long. No, not very long at all.
I raised my pistol and nudged the front door open. I was again hit with the smell of death, though now much stronger, so strong I could scarcely draw breath. The inside of the cottage was unbelievably dank, and the darkness seemed to eat the quivering beam of light I pointed out in front of me, so I couldn’t see ten feet forward.
I heard a sharp crack and I bolted my gaze to my feet. I had just stepped on a human rib. Suddenly the cottage came alive with creaking and shuffling. I heard flies buzzing all around me. I heard a raspy rushing noise to my right. I shined my flashlight to where I thought the noise was coming from, but all I saw was a bloodstained floor and darkness out in front of me. I took a step toward the noise, and the beam of light revealed the glistening mangled corpse of a man, missing most of his skin, hunched in the corner of the cottage. His whole torso was heaving, and I saw the rushing noise was coming from the base of his throat, where a large gash was opening and closing with every breath, spraying flecks of fluid. Maggots wriggled out of his wound, and black purge fluid trickled from his soupy eye sockets, his missing nose, and his gaping mouth. He was missing most of his teeth, and one of his cheeks was rotted through.
I was frozen in place with fear, until, to my horror, the man’s mangled arm rose and reached out to me. At this I aimed and put a bullet through his partially exposed skull, splattering a putrid mist on the wall behind him. Instead of slumping over, as I prayed he would, the man slowly levitated into an upright position as though controlled by a puppeteer. Skin began regrowing around his legs, his torso, and eventually his skull, which sprouted two bloody horns out of his forehead. This being had the likeness of Arthur Smith, though I sensed it was no longer him. I placed two rounds into his torso, and the being staggered, but the bullet wounds simply closed with sickening squelching sounds. I backed away slowly, and he simply stood in the corner and leered at me with burning black eyes and a disconcerting grin.
I continued to back away slowly, placing one more round between his eyes. His head jerked back, but still it healed and he seemed unbothered. I bolted around and headed for the door. I jerked the handle but it wouldn't budge. I tried kicking it down, which was something I was very practiced at, but still, the rotten oak planks held fast against my will. I turned around, back against the door, firearm at the ready, and stared into the blackness. Everything was quiet once again. Despite the temperature, cold sweat beaded upon my brow and dribbled down my neck.
Suddenly I felt a rumbling that seemed to come from the very depths of the Earth. A splitting and splintering sound came from what I presumed was the center of the cottage, and I was soon showered with bits of wood and stone that nicked my exposed skin and drew droplets of blood. I noticed my back was no longer pressed against the back of the door, though I was not moving. The floor seemed to be carrying me slowly in the direction of the noise. I was frozen in place, and found that I could not change my trajectory.
My flashlight beam found the edge of a large hole in the floor. I saw dark, root-like tendrils sprout from the hole and rush across the floor with the sound of scraping and splintering. They then returned to the hole, and they had within their grasp six bare human bodies, which I horrifically realized were those of my now former colleagues. I watched in horror as their pale naked bodies were folded, torn, ripped, and broken in the churning earth. The sound of tearing flesh and cracking bone was deafening and filled the darkness of the cottage. The mass of mangled flesh formed into one chunky, glistening mound in the center of the hole. It began pulsing and rising, and horrible screams rang in my ears. I watched in horror as the mass formed a humanoid figure that rose up ten feet out of the hole and bent over against the ceiling. It was facing away from me, but its raspy voice seemed to mix seamlessly with the screams directly in my ears.
“The churning of earth, the tearing of flesh, the cracking of bone”
At this it let out a booming laugh that reverberated in my skull and shook the foundation of the building. The cottage once again came alive, but now more than ever before. Shutters were opening and closing, floorboards were rattling, flies swarmed in a huge mass around and around the room, blocking the beam of my flashlight and obscuring my view of the figure. I felt my legs quiver along with the rest of the cottage. I looked down at a red book with its pages fluttering in the still air. I dove for it and slammed it shut, and the cottage grew still. I paused for a moment, but the giant figure began turning towards me. I bolted around to see that the door was now open, but the hung corpse was clinging to the top of the door frame, now very much alive. Its entrails were still swinging freely from its short leap, and the rope lay severed and frayed upon the ground.
I paced towards the door, dumping the rest of my magazine into the corpse, which to my relief fell to the ground with a squelch. I hopped over the body and sprinted out the front door, away from the cottage, down the dirt path. I could still hear the screams of the damned faintly in the distance, and the earth began rumbling once again underneath my feet. I continued running back along the path, trying not to think about what I had witnessed. I paused for a moment to catch my breath, and shivered in the now relentless sleet.
The pounding of the earth became the distant rumble of thunder in the distance. By the time I had gotten back to the paved road, I was soaked to the bone in cold sweat and freezing rain, and I was covered up to my thighs in mud from the path. My coat was snagged and torn in places from the splinters of wood and from branches along the path.
When I finally got back to my car, I saw a leash leading underneath it, and found Old Ben, crouched below, tail between his legs. I scooped him up and plopped him in the passenger seat, entirely disregarding the former cleanliness of my car, as it was now covered in mud and dog hair. I cranked up the heat and sped off towards the station to report what I had witnessed.
…
We never did find that cottage again. Other guys went back to where I was and failed to find the path, but they did find the dismembered bodies of my colleagues hidden under the bulldozer at the end of the street. I was charged with the deaths of my colleagues and was thrown into a mental institute, but I don’t mind it much. There are people here that are far more insane than I am. The worst part is my occasional perception of a distant rumbling, and during thunderstorms I’m a whimpering mess.
I have been disciplined three times for writing symbols on the walls that I can’t get out of my head. I draw them in my blood so they stand out more and resemble what I see. I have found that once they are on the wall, they stay out of my head. Unfortunately, I haven’t finished writing them all out yet. The first time I started I got really close to finishing, but then I found myself strapped to a hospital bed.
The worst part of my new existence is the nightmares. I am plagued by images of my former colleagues: their pale dismembered bodies, the sound of cracking bone, their blood on my hands, their shrieks of pain, and the taste of flesh.

I (23m) recently was diagnosed with a varicocele. BACKGROUNG INFO: CAN BE SKIPPED
I was at work lifting mats when it started and I ended up in the ER due to pain about an hour after it started. I was diagnosed with a varicocele and referred to my current urologist. Over the past month since everything happened I have received 2 nerve blocks, where the first lasted about 2-3 weeks and the second was put in about a week ago; but is not providing the same relief as the first. I also am on gabapentin (300mg), tramadol (50mg), and diclofenac sodium (50mg) and ondansetron (4mg for nausea) and support underwear as well. I talked with my urologist about a week ago and we decided that surgery may be the best option to "cure" the pain. At this time, today is 5/16/2024. My surgery is set to be on 6/17/2024. I am getting a varicocelectomy done, as well as a nerve stripping.
Main Post:
My issue currently is even with the meds and nerve block, I am in a constant state of discomfort/manageable pain with flair-ups happening that cause intense pain. My lower back/tailbone have been aching since everything started. I have trouble sleeping since I am unable to get comfortable due to my back or by family jewels. I've been losing sleep and I'm unable to make it to work since my current job is a delivery driver. (I am switching to a sales position, and they do understand the situation). I want to get back in the office but I'm unable to wake up since by the time I fall asleep, I have 2-3 hours, and that paired with the meds takes a toll on my body. I'm fortunate enough to have a fiancée and family to help me finically, but the mental stress of not being able to help is killing me. What are some items I may have at home or products that have been tried and work (even if it isn't for me, I'd like to try). I know surgery is coming soon and will help/solve this, but in the meantime I don't want to live like this. I'm scared, in pain, and can feel my mental state slipping away day by day. Anything that y'all have tried please share. I have tried a lot of things, but I know it helps to ask questions and maybe find something I couldn't think of myself. Sorry the post is jumpy and all over the place, I am new to reaching out like this. Thank y'all to in advance, I appreciate any and all help!

So my best friend of 10 years is getting married about 3 hours away from where I live. We’ve been best friends since 9th grade and even tho we live in different states now we talk often. The whole wedding is a little weird to me because she never told me she was seeing this man she just told me when she was engaged. She said I was depressed and she didn’t want to tell me about him while I was in a bad place….to me that’s weird but I let it go and was just happy for her. I was depressed yes but I was functioning okay. I’ve asked several times to meet him since he drives a car we could get together but she never seemed to want to do that.
She always says I’m her only friend. Her bridal shower was too far for me to go and she cried on the phone to me about how she was so sad she had no friends there and I was one of her only friends besides family. The bridal shower was 3 hours away by public transportation and the whole party was only 2 hours so it didn’t make sense for me to travel 6 hours for a 2 hour party. As far as I know his having groomsman and she’s not having bridesmaids. In order to go to the wedding which is at night I’d have to get a hotel room which came out to almost 300 dollars. I’ve explained to her on several occasions that I can’t afford a room right now and I just don’t have the money. My mom is sick so I’m only working part time right now. I would need a dress, travel a gift I just can’t afford everything myself. The wedding being at night makes it hard to travel back home so late. She said we could work something out but never followed up with me. And when I brought it up she just got silent with me. While speaking to her she let it slip she offered to pay for a guy friend of hers who she’s known for a lot less time plane ticket from Idaho. Which when she said it was hurtful but I didn’t tell her how I felt because I didn’t want to ruin her mood. I’ve also found out she got her mom an AirBnb recently which I thought she could’ve made sure I had a room there but I guess she didn’t think about it. Then she texts me that the room blocks for the wedding closed and did I find a place to stay. She waited till after the room blocks closed to mention it to me…..She eventually texts me and asks me if I’m going and I answer her explaining I can’t afford it and how upset I am because I always imagined I’d be there. One week later she answers “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy. It’s okay I understand.” I get it’s her wedding and it’s a lot to plan and do.
I just feel like she made no effort to help me get there and I’m sitting here feeling bad I’m not going but I’m not sure she cares? I feel like if she wanted to she would. (Honestly paying for that man’s plane ticket is really what killed me because why offer to help him and not me..)

The brawl between multiple servants and masters was about to begin. Everyone stood eyes glancing around towards one another.
Archer: I’d rather first kill the rift raft!
portals appeared aiming at Assassin and in a brilliant show of power, several weapons popped out of the portals shooting at Assassin who could barely dodge all!
Ky: Is that his noble phantasms?!
Leo: Noble what?!
Saber: Do you seriously not know yet master!?
Leo: Nobody told me!
Ky: I guess it slipped my mind… think of them like a servant's ultimate move! Based on their legends or what they are most remembered for!
Leo: HUH?!
Saber: But his noble phantasm seems to be other noble phantasms!
Archer: Die you filthy mongrel!
Assassin was insanely fast even still managing to dodge even just barely the many chains, swords, axes, spears, and so on.
Meanwhile, Berserker began charging toward Leo! Saber would easily block the attack and deflect the blow of Berserker’s sword! She went to stab the purple-haired servant but she dodged to the left.
Saber: I shall keep you safe even still master!
Leo: OK Saber!
Ky: Damn it… Leo just back up.
Leo and Ky hid behind Saber and Lancer both charging forward giving Berserker quite the challenge at the same time. Until Katie picked up a few rocks from her pocket and tossed them at Saber freezing her arm and leg in place.
Saber: Magic crystals?!
Ky: Damn it… TRANSPORTATION!
Ky would summon a car above Katie that crashed into her!
Katie: Ugh! God damn it! Berserker! Help me!
But her Berserker was struggling to keep pace with the faster Lancer. Tied with Assassin for the fastest servant in this war. Lancer kicked Berserker in the leg before cutting them across the chest.
Archer: That boy…
He saw what Ky did. He threw his own master and Leo who caught Pat in mid-air crashing into the old rickety wood of the docks. Archer would ignore the tired Assassin and turn his portals towards Ky.
Archer: Give me the best you got!
Several swords flung down from his portals toward Ky who dodged with extreme difficulty. He grabbed one of the swords mid-air and threw it back at the golden armor servant who swatted it away with his hand.
Archer: You dare touch one of my treasures? Fine, then I shall make your death painful!
Ky(thoughts): How the hell do I beat this guy-
Ky’s mind stopped thinking for a moment as he was grabbed and dragged into the city with Lancer and Saber unable to stop him.
Leo: PAT GET YOUR SERVANT TO BRING HIM BACK!
Pat: L-Leo I can't!

Ky wasn't sure what to do as Archer threw him into a car denting the vehicle…
Ky: Remember what he said... VISUALIZE!
Archer: What are you blabbering about you mongerl?
More portals opened up shooting a rain of axes, swords, and saws that Ky dodged expertly.

Elegant: Get strong enough to surpass me…

Ky: I NEED TO GET STRONGER THAN HIM! Nature!
Several trees spawned and protected Ky from the many weapons for a few seconds allowing him to visualize... But a spear ripped through the trees and went straight for Ky’s head but with an outstretched arm at the last possible moment he let himself block the spear letting stab through his hand rather than his head!
Archer: You are shocking strong!
Ky: VISUALIZE! WAR!
A tank spawned behind Ky and shot at Archer who wasn't even hurt. With a flick of his wrist and some lances destroyed the tank that blew up sending Ky only a few feet in front of the floating Archer.
Ky: Heh… fine.
He learned how to expand his interpretation in a moment of desperation learning to make life from mana.
Ky: Summoning living creatures is hard… maybe that's why I could never spawn certain things before… but fuck it! WAR! the FUCKING HOLY GRAIL WAR!
In a desperate gamble, Ky had summoned a large monster behind him.
Ky: Fine then there's my servant...
Ky crashed the the ground all his mana being used to support the existence of his summon.
Archer: I was right… you weren't boring!

(teaser!) Leo: KY THE HELL WAS THAT?!
Ky: MY FINAL STAND!
Saber: Are you insane you might die!
Ky: I was going to die either way…
Leo: Stick around when we continue in Holy Grail War: Rock Smash!

This is for the guy trying to say not to give money to homeless people flying a sign. This my personal experience from being homeless in Wilmington. I can't say as I speak for everyone, just my experience. 

I'm still homeless, but I've moved out of Wilmington. I had to teach myself how to read and write all over again, and this is what I do now. I hope you enjoy.

 Six-thirty am, I woke up to my alarm. I had to be at work at nine, and I didn't want to be frazzled from being in panic mode on my first day, hurried, and hassled. No, sir. You don't get too many chances to make a first impression. 

 Rolled out of my sleeping bag with a smooth, well practiced motion, unzipped the flap, and made my way out into brisk spring morning air, taking a brief pause, taking in the natural beuaty of the forest. If it hadn't been for the sounds of the highway a few hundred yards away, this scene could have been from a camping trip or hike that I remembered from days gone by. I didn't pause to think about too long due to the urgency to find a suitable tree to relieve myself. Fifty feet, at least. Fifty feet. Otherwise, that smell could come back to haunt you. This wasn't a camping trip but rather where I lived. My homestead, abode, residence, shelter, and as far as I could tell, it would be for a long time to come. 

 I decided to drink my energy drink, which had come to replace my morning cup of brew, outside this fine morn, so I made my way back to the tent and pulled my Monster can and my half full box of handrolled cigarettes from their hiding places, turned around and walked the fifteen feet to my "visiting bench". Aptly named because that's where we all sat when someone came visiting, which wasn't very often, a few feet in front was the small firepit. A hundred or so yards beyond, down a respectable hill, sat Frankies tent, another fifty yards at the split in the trail was Chris's small pup tent, where a small pile of trash meant that Chris and I needed to talk. This was my site, and I had few rules, and trash was something I didn't want to see. 

 According to the rules out here, our social contract, the first person at a campsite was in charge and I had spent the last month of winter all alone here to earn the right to call the shots. After all, it was deemed The Allen Compound for the Criminally Insane by my friend who led a real boots on the ground street outreach in town, someone that I had insane respect for and not a small bit of love. We weren't. I won't speak to insane. 

 I took a seat on the bench, popped the top on the Monster, lit up a smoke, and took a big long pull of the drink. Spring was starting to show now, and the highway was slowly starting to hide behind the new growth of forest. My tent was already invisible from the road thanks to a large camouflaged tarp that I had strung to block the view once I recovered from the panic attack following the discovery of how visible it once was. That discovery came not long after I set up camp, as I was returning from town. Walking down the shoulder of the highway, I just happened to look up in the direction of my camp and saw that my tent sat in the middle of a big clearing of branches, making a perfect frame for my work of art. The realization that thousands of people could have seen that on a daily basis. I was live bait for any psychotic person or persons to visit on a full moon. Recalling the stories of people setting sleeping people on fire for the fun of watching a human cook, I instantly turned on my heels and headed back into town, a spy who just realized he'd been compromised. I didn't return until I had a tarp, but even then, it was some time before sleep came easy. 

 Seven am and the spring sun were now spreading its rays of love to its children in the forest undergrowth, letting everything know it was day shift now in the kingdom. Down below, I spied Frankie, who piled out of his tent and sprinted to a tree like his bladder had caught fire. At the sight of this, I barked three times in greeting. He threw his head back and made a rooster crow, knowing it would wake Chris up long enough to feel the urgency. And by the time I stood up finish the last bit of my morning nectar, sure enough, scrambled out of his tent and instantly let it go right beside where his head would lay when he slept. I shook my head and trudged to my place to change clothes. A light blue polo type short sleeve tucked neatly into my cleanest pair of jeans, then a long sleeve light flannel over that as a precaution, because a lesson learned early is that you dressed for all day. There was no going home to get a coat when the temps plummeted, so it was wise to have that coat ready at all times. I changed my socks, put on my shoes and out of the flap I went. I closed it up and placed a pine needle inside the zipper that would let me know when I got back if anyone had violated my space. 

Seven ten am, and I was on my way. I had fourty minutes to be at the bus stop a little over a mile from the camp and I didn't want to be late, so off I went down the trail, just past Frankies tent I took a left, pausing just long enough to notice that Chris had gone back to bed and left his flap door open, then another fifty yard and over the fence to what I referred to as the 'exposed zone'. There, I was out of the woods walking down a small trail hidden only from the waist down by overgrown weeds and grass. The exposed zone went about a hundred and fifty yards to the shoulder of the highway, where I would merge left, facing the oncoming traffic. At that point, it wouldn't be so obvious to passing cars that I had just emerged from the woods, and the exact spot would no doubt be a mystery. There, my pace stepped up to an average of four miles an hour, something that I had clocked many times, and these days, it was a knowledge that came in handy. I could deal with being homeless, but not tardy. Every minute I walked along the shoulder of the highway, I was fraught with danger, at least in my overactive brain. I could envision cars swerving to miss the car ahead and turning me into a hood ornament, or blowing a tire and taking me out when the driver loses control for that half a second. Maybe something would fall out of the many dump trucks that passed frequently at seventy miles an hour and cleanly decapitate me before I even saw it coming. Why not? It's not like I was having a good luck streak, let's be honest. 

Seven fifty am and I managed to make it to the bus stop with all my organs just where they should be and my head still attached to my body. I lit up a smoke and fished three quarters out of my pocket, ready to pay my way and go to work. The bus pulled up on time, and I climbed aboard, nodding to the driver in solidarity, one working man to the other, dropped my coins of passage into the box, turned and found an empty seat by the window. I watched as the scenery went from historical homes with their gates and carefully tended lawns to the brown crabgrass and dirt yards where the children played in poverty, then to the blocks of businesses where hopes and dreams were born and died, with their big banners proclaiming another last chance at big savings, or let you know that for the twentieth time this furniture store was going out of business and these prices wouldn't last. Nothing but a higher class of a carnival barker. Free financing, limited time only, no interest for ninety days, credit same as cash, act now, last chance to save, overstocked and marked down, employee pricing, never before savings, trade ins welcome, don't miss out, and my all time favorite, below wholesale. Imagine that a business surviving by losing money. The saddest part of it all is that these tactics worked on people. For the second time that morning, I shook my head. 

Eight thirty eight am and the doors open at my destination, my job site, half the bus stood up to depart. Standing up and slipping No. 7 onto my shoulders, I let the line shuffle past me with the knowledge that I had time to spare 

 Eight forty, I stepped off the bus, gravitating to have a smoke with a small group of like-minded people who nodded their approval as I approached. The signal that I was accepted in the circle of debauchery. I made it clear, though, that I had no time to make small talk because I had to go to work and I was a responsible person. On time, it was late, and ten minutes early was on time. That was my motto, starting now, at least. Eight fourty five am I started to the job site, feeling the anxiety butterflies come to life in the pit of my stomach. I had never done this sort of work before, and I hoped I would catch on quick. 

 Eight fifty am, and I was standing beside the exit lane of the Walmart Superstore on a patch of grass where the stopsign was planted, dropping No. 7 to the earth. I bent over and unzipped the section that contained the piece of cardboard. As I put my fingers on it, I felt emotions pour over me, a mixture of shame, embarrassment, and determination. This was my third try at this, but I was determined not to chicken out this time, so, choking everything back down I pulled the sign from my bag and turned to face the cars coming up to the stop sign so I could show them the story of my life, condensed down to some scribbles from a Sharpie which read, 'Traumatic Brain Injury' in large lettering, with a smaller, 'Please Help' below. I'd never felt so alone as I did in that spot light that day at Walmart, that my life had led me to this point, here with a sign begging for money from strangers to get things I needed. It seemed like I couldn't even breathe with my phone service cut off, as I still felt sure that my son would call me at any minute to see how I was, and knowing that life line was severed was unbearable. 

 A grey van with a logo pulled up to the stop sign and I heard one of the doors open, then close, so I turned around to see someone jogging up to me, holding out his hand with a twenty dollar bill pinched in his fingers, "Here you go, brother. Take care of yourself, my man, "then back to the van and was gone. 

I broke. Just like that. I broke.

Whats up my dudes, we are back at it with another chapter for you all. We are getting the swing of things and have another chapter or two to start the main plot fully, we are just getting to know our leads for now. I hope you enjoy
Lets get this bread
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The movement from the nightclub to Stitch’s clinic was grueling. Typically lugging a passed-out HVI or some other sod halfway across the city's district would not be a challenge. With his cybernetics, Conor was in decent enough shape and could sprint ten kilometers in full battle rattle without breaking a sweat, but Conor had pushed himself and didn’t need to wax a few Voodal in his way.
Conor had heard that Kurlatra were dense, but his assumptions about how heavy they were came nowhere close to the reality of picking one up.
Whatever this woman's name was, she likely weighed north of eighty kilograms. It was a shock because she was a meter and a half tall at most. For Urka’s sake, Conor only weighed one hundred and fifty kilograms despite being two meters tall and filled to the brim with wires.
He thought a bit about the woman's build and realized why she must weigh so much. She had hips and legs that could crush a man's skull. Along with a pair of tits just big enough that they would overflow from your hands.
Conner was made all the more well aware of those traits as he adjusted her to ensure he would not drop the little lass. Her fatty chest and plump thighs would try to swallow his hip each time he did. No sentient this small had any right being heavier than his entire breacher kit, explosives, anti-rifle armor, and all.
If not for Brakul expecting this rosey scag to be delivered to Stitch’s place, Conor would have lugged her to his safe house, which was far closer. But no, he had another job and order to follow.
The only shining light on this impromptu extraction was that the Voodal did not follow him. He had been worried about that last ganger he had shot; they had only eaten one round through the midchest. At the time, it looked like it might not have been a heart shot, and since he was picking this bimbo up at the time, he did not have a chance to ensure they were put down permanently.
Conor took a deep breath as he rounded the corner into a dirty alleyway, leaving the bustling thoroughfare behind. Thankfully, the residents of Heavalun knew better than to mess with him or anyone else who regularly did mercenary work, especially when they were carrying a body—alive or not.
Those who stopped his type tended not to live long, so he was ignored other than a few passing glances.
After traveling a few meters into the alleyway, Conor stopped and tucked behind a dumpster. His feet squelched in a puddle of rank trash water leaking from the impromptu cover. While Conor was reasonably sure no one had followed him, a quick double-check was always good for his skin.
Conor did not want to bring trouble to Stitch’s place. He did not have the slightest idea where he would find another techy who could synthesize the cocktail of stimulants Stitch made to keep his broken body held together. Pissing the tech head off was not high on his priority list.
Over the next ten minutes, the only thing his thermal vision picked up between him and the main road was a few Zlit rats scurrying atop discarded food. Their fleshy tendrils groped the garbage and pulled it into maws of razor-sharp teeth.
The sight of them sent a shiver down his spine. Those foul little mammals were high on his list of hated creatures, having been bitten by them more than once since he was a kid slinking around the gutters of Heavalun.
Pushing those memories away, Conor traveled deeper and rounded a blind corner. The sounds of the crowd's chatter entirely vanished as he entered the backstreet where Stitch’s clinic was nestled.
The rest of the journey was only a few hundred meters and only required Conor to sidestep some used needles and shit; He also had to kick one homeless bum who tried to grab the girl out of the cover of his jacket. Usually, he would have just shot the piece of hreck shit, but with his hands full, a swift boot to the jaw got the message across.
With the bum limping away, broken jaw clutched in pain, Conor hammered on the metal door; its frame and the neon sign to its side quivered under his brute strength. Then began the worst part of dealing with Stitch, waiting for the asshole to open the door.
Conor waited until ten minutes had passed and received no answer. Then he punched the door harder, his metal hand denting the surface. Several seconds later, a heavily synthesized voice echoed out of the speakers hidden around the area—speakers that Conor had never been able to locate, no matter how fervently he tried.
“What do you want, Conor?” Stitch questioned. “Did you break more of your wiring?”
Conor sighed heavily, knowing Stitch had this entire block wired with multispectrum cameras and could see him a kilometer out. If this were a visit for his wiring, Stitch would know. The man was just being paranoid and wanted Conor to state his business.
“I got a girl I need you to check up on,” Conor said, pushing his jacket slightly open and letting the girl's ref scales shine.
“What another hooker pass out on a bad trip?” Stitch chuckled cruelly. “This is the fourth this month; you are getting soft merc.”
Rolling his eyes, Conor could admit he was softer than most of the other mercenaries and gangsters in the city's neutral sections. Having seen his fair share of how bad this city can be, Conor did his best not to fuck over those who were just down on bad times and were not trying to cause him issues.
Life was arduous enough for them. So he gave back by lugging hookers and junkies to the nearest tech head and paying for their treatment or the closest Zential clinic. The Zentials were more than willing to treat the downtrodden for free, unlike the other medical services in Heavalun—stitch included.
He considered it his way of giving back and maybe finding Urka's good grace. Perhaps the god might forgive him for being a general piece of hreck shit if he continued to until he did. But he would not know until he finally kicked the bucket.
His intervention was a drop of clean water in the ocean of venom in this city. The other locals were more than willing to pick those he aided clean in minutes. They might as well be a swarm of bealit beatles eating carrion with how ravenous they were.
“It ain’t that. Just open the damn door,” Conor growled, punching the door again.
“Hold on, you greased-up cyborg,” Stitch frantically complained, worried that Conor would break his door again.
Conor smirked, glad the strange form of tolerance he and Stitch had built over the years was still strong. At this point, it was their modus operandi. Neither hated the other; no, they respected one another's role in this shithole.
Both toles put them in harm's way and brought them respect and infamy.
However, Conor found the way the denizens of Heavalun treated them funny. If you asked the average COS or GU citizen, who was more brutal: a mercenary with a pension for hyper-violence and little regard for collateral damage—-or a skeletal Itelv doctor who regularly performs life-saving surgery? They would choose Conor ten out of ten times. They did not know Stitch like Conor, Brakul, or most of the people in this city section.
They would tell you the truth of the good doctor.
They would weave you a tale of a greedy, crit-pinching asshole and that Stitch was the type of man who would stitch up for pay but would just as quickly harvest your organs for sale, or Urka forbid he would stick some experimental tech inside you and wait for your inevitable death to retrieve his property.
The door at long last opened with a vile hiss, and a gangly grey-skinned hand forced it open.
Stitch was just about as tall as Conor. But his thin grey limbs made him look one stiff breeze away from taking flight, with only his heavy artificial spider-like legs keeping him firmly on the planet.
Draped over his pencil-thin neck was a once-white apron. After years of use, it was stained with blood, oil, and hydraulic fluid.
“If she ain't one of your precious hookers, put her on the table. I will get my tool ready,” Stitch hissed, jamming his thumb over a shoulder.
“I ain’t selling this one to you either. Girlie got tagged by visage, and I need yah to treat her,” Conor replied, pushing past and laying the blonde on the recovery bed.
“You said she ain’t some hooker,” Stitch complained following, having gotten tired of Conor no longer bringing him fresh meat to sell.
Once Conor turned around and was about to explain the situation, Stitch pressed a bony finger into Conor's chest. “I told you, I'm selling the next one. She is it,”
“Can it doc. She is a client,” Conor replied. “Or are you going to explain to Brakul why you cut her up?”
Stitch clicked his tongue but did not try to move closer. His glassy, verdant eyes pulled Conor and the girl apart as he weighed the pros and cons of allying with Conor and Brakul another time.
“What is in it for me?” Stitch questioned, tapping a finger on a scalpel attached to his tool belt.
Conor sighed, realizing he should have expected this question, but he was not the broker of deals. That was Brakul’s schtick, and he was running late.
“You can take her jewelry and any credsticks you find on her. Alright?” Conor replied, knowing Brakul likely would have made a similar deal.
Stitch nodded and slinked closer to the woman. He lifted the necklace from her chest and carefully examined the jewels with a prudish eye any good businessman should have. After Stitch activated his magnified eyes, his cornea glowed gold, letting him see the atoms of the shiny trinket.
The doctor grinned cruelly, letting his crystalline teeth show proudly. The sight was unsettling and made Conor grip his pistol, fearing the doctor would flip his shit and decide it was not enough payment and try to cut the girl up.
But he did not start to slice her skin open. Instead, he sniggered nearly uncontrollably for a few moments, then spoke. “Yes, yes, yes. This will do just fine,” He sneered.
Conor was unsure what the jewels were, but they must be worth far more than he initially thought. For Urka's sake, Stitch was drooling on the necklace and the passed-out girl's chest.
“Good. So you will take care of her?” Conor questioned, needing to hear an assured answer.
Quickly slipping the jewelry into his pocket, Stitch looked back at Conor, his demeanor having done a complete one-eighty. “Of course, I always have room for paying customers.”
“Oh sweet, Conor, you handled the deal,” Brakul said, having just stepped in through the doors.
Why Brakul was allowed unfettered access to Stitch’s clinic and Conor was not something Conor had wondered for years but had accepted it as something to do with their role in the duo.
“Yeah, and he will watch the client. But we had yet to lay out the finer details,” Conor explained.
“Ah, no issue, I can take it from here,” Brakul replied.
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so what did you think? a decent chapter or total trash? either way I wanna know. I will see you all in the comments. please don't forget to comment and updoot.
your baker
-Pirate
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Previous Part
The next day went by in a blur. Rocco was walking the perimeter of the camp, keeping an eye out for Brooke when I woke up. I didn’t really think he’d leave, but it seemed to give Rocco something to do other than being a general menace to society. All of us ate breakfast as normal but no one really said much. I’m not sure if they were still reeling from things they saw yesterday or if they just weren’t in a talking mood. The thought occurred to me that Shaoni may have payed a visit to each of them as well. Prying into what they saw and answering questions they might have. Honestly the whole thing felt like we were guinea pigs. Shaoni didn’t really seem to have a great handle on the trials so far. It was… mildly concerning that the ringmaster of all this didn’t seem 100% in control anymore.
Actually, I’d thought about that a lot last night. Shaoni just sort of left us to our own devices when we went through those “visions” yesterday. It’s not like she backed up her claim that she’d know what we’d seen either. If anything the fact that she came to ask me about it made me even more suspicious that she wasn’t really sure what she was doing. It was the first time I’d ever thought of Shaoni as anything other than in complete control. Slowly but surely it was becoming glaringly obvious that wasn’t the case.
If I was remembering correctly today’s trial was the trial of strength. I sincerely hoped that was a metaphor for something. You’ve got to understand, I’m not a very strong person, not physically anyways. I hoped Shaoni wanted to test mental strength or strength of will something like that. My hopes shattered as we arrived at the coliseum and saw an arena set up. There were several dummies in a corner, the kind you would see used in martial arts or HEMA or something to that effect. At the foot of the dummies were several wooden clubs. I couldn’t see them to clearly but they almost looked clawed from a distance. The real centerpiece was the platform in the middle of the coliseum. It looked like a stage and I’m sure that’s exactly how we were going to use it. The raised wooden platform had been constructed with boards placed across the top. It looked like those boards could be removed and under that was simply the cold hard ground about two feet below.
Katrina’s eyes lit up as she looked over the room.
“Now this is what I’m talking about, a real trial!”
She just about shrieked in excitement, throwing one fist in the air and startling the rest of us to attention. Katrina was the only one that really seemed excited about this. John and Robert just looked accepting and I’m not sure Brooke had put two and two together yet. I’d seen the clubs laid out by the dummies and already figured we’d be sparing with each other.
“Good morning everyone, I hope your ready for today.”
Called Shaoni, emerging unseen from behind us. Anyone who wasn’t fully awake at that point sure was then. There’s just something about Shaoni that makes you really really not want her to show up behind you unannounced. Probably why she kept doing it to us.
“Today I will test your strength, while I’d rather avoid conflict it’s sometimes unavoidable. My ideal candidate not only knows themselves but can handle themselves as well. We will allow you some time to familiarize yourself with the war clubs you’ll be using. Then you will compete against each other to find the strongest, most skilled warrior among you.”
Shaoni explained, Katrina’ excitement growing with every word.
I wasn’t to keen to participate in any of this but, like usual, I didn’t really have much of a choice at this point.
“So will you be sticking around this time then?”
I asked, wondering if Shaoni was going to cut and run again.
“I have other matters to attend to today. While I would like to stay and observe the whole day I need to prepare things for the final trial tomorrow. I’ll be back in time to see you test each other though.”
She replied dismissively, already on her way out. Shaoni seemed almost uninterested in us now. For someone evaluating us she seemed awful happy to pass off the evaluation to her followers. I didn’t say anything else as she walked out of the coliseum and towards the exit.
As I walked over to the little training area I saw the clubs were actually ornate masterpieces. They were carved from a hard dark wood. The handles resembled an eagles talon, curving near the end to grip a wooden orb. Whoever made these was beyond skilled, these things were works of art. I didn’t have much time to admire them before Katrina interrupted me.
“Hey, Keith was it? Want me to show you how to use these things?”
She called over to me, it was more of a command than a question but that’s pretty par for the course with her.
“If you want, sure. I’m uh… I’m kinda a fish out of water with this find of thing.”
I told her, rubbing the back of my neck with one hand in embarrassment. I wasn’t sure why she was singling me out for that but she answered that question for me.
“Good, Those two creep me out and that one has been drooling over me since we got here.”
She said, pointing over at Robert and John who had already started practicing, then at Brooke. Katrina showed absolutely no subtly in any of this, earning us looks from all three of the others.
I was a little afraid of Katrina teaching me anything, if someone was gonna kill me by accident it would be her. That and she still had that gun on her. Despite my misgivings she was actually a pretty good teacher. She was a bit like a drill instructor but I learned a thing or two. By the time we were done I felt like I might stand half a chance in this trial.
“Just remember your footwork, keep your balance and the rest should come natural. Oh, and if we get paired up, take a dive, it’ll be less painful.”
Katrina added with a smirk, walking over towards the group by the stage in the center of the room. Shaoni had just come back in and was up on the balcony. A few of her followers had collected us and informed us we were about to start the, ”practical part”, as they put it.
“There’s five of you so for the first matchup one of my own will serve as the opponent. Anyone what to go first?”
Shaoni asked us, looking down with a raised eyebrow and waiting for a response. Before I realized what I’d done my hand was in the air, my body subconsciously wanting to get this over with as fast as possible. Shaoni actually looked surprised as she gestured for me to take my place on the stage. Two of the boards had been removed on either side leaving us something like six feet of space to work with before falling off the platform. But I was far less concerned about that after I saw the guy walking over. It was the driver from a few days ago when Shaoni had me brought out to the camp. The guy that had his friend stabbed by Bianca, he didn’t look like he’d forgotten about that as they gave him his club.
As I took my place on the stage the only thing I was thinking was exactly how bad it hurt when you got hit with one of these things.
“Begin when you are ready.”
Called Shaoni from her place on the balcony. The guy across from me took absolutely no time to think, charging at me wildly right away. I tried to brace myself and remember Katrina’s training, taking an even stance and angling my club for the coming blow. I did manage to block his strike but the force of it threw me to the ground. My mind went into full survival mode as he swung down at me. He was way less fluid than Katrina had been when she was showing me the ropes. He just seemed like he wanted to hurt me by any means necessary. As I rolled from side to side avoiding his blows I waited for an opening. He took a particularly hard swing at my head and I rolled at the last possible second. He lost his balance, giving me a chance to slip between his legs and get back to my feet. I stood back up narrowly avoiding a swing for my head as my opponent regained his balance and swung back at me. His wide hate fueled swing carried his whole body around with it and gave me another opening. I planted my feet and took one hard swing at the man’s turned shoulder hitting him right on the bone with a sickening crack. He stumbled around towards the edge, turning his back to me. I took one final swing, hoisting the club above my head and bringing it down in between his shoulder blades with a hollow thud. The blow sent him tumbling forward over the edge and off the stage, falling to the floor below.
Katrina shot me a quick thumbs up as I walked off the stage while Shaoni looked down at me and gave me an approving nod. No one else seemed to pay me any mind as I rejoined the group. I felt empowered, I hadn’t expected to get even that far, maybe there was a chance for me in this trial after all. Robert and John fought next and despite their age they each held their own. In the end John forced Robert off the edge, his age and weight throwing off his balance. I was still impressed either of them could move like they had, I guess I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Then Katrina fought Brooke in the last… round I guess I’d call it. The smile on her face was unsettling from the moment she realized she’d be paired up with him, like a shark smelling blood in the water. You could just tell that she was going to take pleasure in what happened next.
That smile was still on her face as she walked up onto the stage and took her place across from Brooke.
“I hope you like it rough baby, cause I’m not going easy on you!”
Brooke called to her from the other side of the stage making a point to puff out his chest and flex his muscles. That set her off like a bomb, the smile disappeared and she exploded towards Brooke. I saw the exact moment that false confidence left his eyes and he actually turned to run, he was far to late and way to slow. Her first strike went low, shooting out in front of Brooke and coming back to catch his knee sending him tripping forward. He tried to regain his balance but she had no intention of letting him. Katrina swung out in front of him again, this time catching his neck with the club on its way back. That sent him flat onto his back, the club falling form his hand and rolling off the edge of the stage was the only sound in the whole coliseum. All eyes focused on Katrina as she took a breath then delivered a kick to Brooke’s ribs so hard that he went rolling off the edge, following his club. I returned her thumbs up she had given me as she rejoined the group.
Next, those of us who remained got matched up with each other. Shaoni wanted to use another one of her followers to stand in but Katrina insisted on just going twice. That meant I’d fight her and then the winner would fight John to see who the victor of the day was. As I stood across from Katrina I considered taking her advice from before, “…Just take a dive…” she had said. I thought about it, I really did, but I’d done so well earlier right? Why stop now? While I’d been thinking Katrina had walked up to me and started to swing. I had just enough time to realize my mistake before she cracked me across the head so hard she knocked me out.
I came to an hour later, alone on an animal skin cot. I was still in the coliseum but everyone else had left apparently. The only thing I saw when I got up from the ground was the torchlight illuminating the passage that lead back outside. That and the note scribbled on a scrap of a sticky note taped to my fore head.
“I told you to take a dive.”
Well at least she might feel bad about knocking me out. I figured we must be done for the day given how dead the camp seemed when I emerged back into the light. With nothing better to do, I walked off towards the forest to clear my head. I wondered what Bianca had been up to since I’d been gone as I aimlessly wandered around the forest’s edge.
“No that wouldn’t work! We don’t know what’s up there and we are not just waltzing in through the front gates!”
Stein yelled at me as I went over my most recent idea for breaking Keith out of whatever trials were going on out by the old mine. It had been two days since I watched him get kidnapped in front of me and I was getting drastic, aaaannd maybe a little dramatic.
“But I could do it guys! Remember back at the reservation? Those guys were willing to do anything for me and there can’t be that many guards in one place. Maybe I just convince a small group to lead us in and make an excuse for us.”
“For the last time Bianca, They’re just about cultists far as I can tell. You ain’t gonna be able to fight the kinda conviction they have to that bird, even if ya could its to much of a risk.”
Tuck protested from his seat at the kitchen table.
The kitchen table had become our war room over the past few days. A map of Eagles Peak Frank had made lay across it with dozens of pins stuck in around where the old mine would be.
“I don’t think an approach from the front is a good idea at all. You and Keith got to the mine through the forest once. Could we follow that path, approach without anyone knowing we were there?”
Stein theorized as he paced back and forth at the head of the table.
“Well, we really just wandered around for a bit and ended up there. We didn’t find the mine either, it was a hole that lead down to an old cavern near the mine. They turned out to be connected but that was just dumb luck.”
I explained to the group. Tuck looked like that had given him an idea.
“So you two got some backdoor entrance figured out that you’re only just tellin’ me about? That could be perfect! The four of us could make our way out and drop through that hole, take em all by surprise!”
Tuck exclaimed, leaping to his feet. His enthusiasm was nice but it wasn’t going to be that easy.
“We… kinda made a bit of a scene when we were there, they might be watching for something like that to happen again.”
“True, but it’s the best entrance strategy I’ve heard so far, I think following up on it is worth a try.”
Frank added with a nod. Stein then started pacing up and down the length of the table for a bit. He was coming up with something, that much was obvious.
“So we’ll enter through this hole leading into a cave connected to the old mine. From what you told us about your time there its some sort of staging area for these trials, at least that’s my best guess. Odds are there won’t be many people there overnight so we make our way out there during the night. From there we move through the cave and into the mine but after that we know nothing about what we’re running into.”
Stein lectured to his audience.
“But I think we have a solution for that. Frank do we still have that drone?”
An hour later the four of us were gathered at the edge of town on that path Keith and I had taken into the forest. The trees growing together forming a sort of arch over our head’s were unsettling but I couldn’t decide why. It just didn’t sit well with me, it looked unnatural I guess and that just gave me the creeps. I get that’s rich coming from a literal succubus but its how I felt.
“Alright, just watch the trees as you take it up, I don’t want a repeat of Missouri.”
Stein instructed Frank as he got the drone in the air.
“You’re never going to let me live that down are you?”
Frank chuckled, shaking his head.
“It was the first time we used this thing, there was bound to be a few unexpected variables.”
“If you call “unexpected variables” an itchy finger on the throttle. We had to have Rocco untangle it from the branches.”
Stein joked as he checked to make sure the drones camera was feeding back into the app on his phone.
I hadn’t seen them like this, being friendly with each other. There was never a time where they hated each other or anything like that but they’d been so… business like with for a long time now. It was nice to see them act like real people again. Leaning over Stein’s shoulder I got a birds eye view from the drone.
“ Just go East, its what we did. Just walked East till we stumbled into everything.”
Frank followed my advice and flew the drone due East. Eventually a campsite came into view, there were a bunch of tepees and a bunch of people just walking around.
“What, they just look normal?!”
I blurted out, a little louder and a bit more distressed than I meant to.
“How’re they supposed ta look then?”
Tuck asked
“They’re just people like you n’ me. Nothin to special about em other than the fact they worship some big ass bird.”
He continued with mild annoyance.
“I don’t know, I guess I expected these creepy guys in tarps, like from Keith’s story. These are just… well they’re just people!”
I responded, Throwing my arms out to my sides in exasperation. Tuck was right, I shouldn’t have expected everything to be just as Keith had said. Still, something just didn’t fit together for me about that whole thing. What had the deal been with those people in Imalone then? I shook my head, clearing the question from my mind, it wasn’t important now.
“There! That’s the entrance to the old mine.”
Tuck told Stein as he looked at screen. I looked over myself and felt my entire being freeze. It was Brooke, walking out from the entrance with some bitchy looking girl and two older guys that I’d seen around town before. How could he be here? After all this time why, why was he anywhere near me?
My vision swam, when it came back Frank was standing in front of me. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t hear anything.
“…anca! Are you ok, what’s going on? Bianca!”
I finally heard over the sudden ringing in my ears.
“Him.”
Was the only thing the escaped my lips as I pointed one finger at the screen. I felt warmth coming back into my limbs as that frozen feeling slowly left me.
“He’s here…. Shouldn’t be here… why.”
I mumbled to myself as Frank helped me into the back of the SUV twenty minutes later. I was still nearly catatonic as we headed back into town.
“So… that was him, the one you were running from when we found you.”
Stein said, breaking the silence that had fallen. I could talk normally again but I still only managed a quick “yes”.
“You know you don’t have to come with us, I’d understand.”
Frank said, snapping me to attention again.
“NO! I’ve got to help Keith, I don’t care if… if Brooke’s up there too.”
I tripped over my words just mentioning his name.
“I can do it, I can do this Frank, please.”
I begged, taking deep breaths to try and calm myself down. We pulled into the driveway before Frank said anything back. As we were all getting out he muttered something under his breath. He didn’t mean for me to hear him but I did.
“I’m not sure you can girl.”
I went straight up to my room after that, I didn’t want to be around anyone. All I caught before I left Frank, Stein, and Tuck before running up the stairs was the hard look Stein shot both of them. A look that said “We need to talk” and told me that he finally had a real plan. I spent the rest of that night thinking about the past and what I’d been through. Could I go out to that mine and rescue Keith if I had to face Brooke again? The last time I’d seen him had been as I leapt out of a moving car as my eyes turned to meet his one last time, rolling down that hill to freedom. I’d never seen him since and it was rare for him to even cross my mind. I wanted to go with the rest of them but despite what I said I really wasn’t sure I could do this anymore. Eventually I just decided only time would tell, hopefully Stein’s plan was a good one and we could put this whole thing behind us.
“Ey! Ey Keith!”
Someone yelled out as I came back from my little hike around the edge of the forest. My eyes darted around behind me before they finally focused on a rustling bush. Rocco jumped out of it holding a cigar in his mouth.
“That Brooke asshole hasn’t gone anywhere, I found him out by that trail the trucks drove in on with this.”
He said, tossing the cigar up in the air where it twirled around before he caught it in his mouth again.
“I figured I should frisk him just in case. I took a bite of his pants and stole this little number out of his coat pocket.”
He continued, shaking a silver lighter with a gold inlayed image of a lion in his paw.
“Oh and the cigar, I took that too. Cuban so the guy’s got taste, still a prick. Anyways, it looked like someone got to him before me. The guy was pretty beaten up, had some nasty bruises.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was just trying to picture Brooke getting mugged by a raccoon In my head and I burst out laughing. Rocco walked back to the camp in toe with me, only stopping to look up at some weird buzzing sound we both heard above us. Probably some rickety old plane or something way up there. I think I was finally starting to get why Frank and Stein had kept Rocco around. He may be a furry criminal mastermind but when he was motivated he could actually be really helpful. I never would’ve been able to keep any sort of tabs on Brooke without his help.
We made our way back to the long tent that still had remnants of lunch sitting on the table. Usually I would’ve tried to hide Rocco but at this point I figured he deserved the free food. Plus I just didn’t want to argue with him after getting my shit rocked most of the morning. Someone walked up behind me and I heard Shaoni’s voice, of course she was creeping up behind me again.
“Your feeling alright after today I hope?”
She asked me, taking a seat next to me.
“I’ll be alright, I’m sure I’ll have a killer headache in the morning but I’ll manage.”
“Good, good. We’ll be gathering in a few hours so I can announce the final trial. I expect you out by the entrance to the mine by 6.”
“What’s the matter? No cryptic questions this time Shaoni?”
I asked, paying no mind to what was sitting next to me.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you always stop by to check in after these trials. You don’t have any questions this time?”
“No, Katrina was the victor today, there is no question about that, the woman is… brutal. I just wanted to make sure she didn’t hit you to hard, you were unconscious for some time.”
She answered, some genuine concern slipping into her voice again.
“Heh careful, I might start to think you actually care.”
I joked, less nervous than I should’ve been.
“I’ll see you tonight with the rest for the announcement.”
She said with a deep sigh, standing up and walking off toward where ever she came from.
I took a nap and just barely managed to wake up in time for this “meeting” Shaoni had planned. I couldn’t find Rocco before I left but I wasn’t all that concerned about that anymore. When I got to the entrance a massive bonfire was lit and Shaoni stood alone in front of it. Robert and John were already there and Katrina showed up a little after me. Brooke hadn’t arrived before Shaoni started her speech.
“I thank all of you for coming here tonight. Regrettably one of you is missing but I won’t be waylaid by his absence.”
She spoke with clear annoyance in her voice.
“Tomorrow marks your final trial, the most important of the three. The trial of justice. Tomorrow there will be a murder in Eagles Peak. I want you all to work together to stop it. Then, succeed or fail, pass judgment on those involved in the murder. Afterwards I will select which among you will receive my gift. But for tonight, talk amongst yourselves, plan, and rest. Prepare yourselves for tomorrow, I will have my eye on each of you.”
With that Shaoni stepped away from the fire and into the night. Not accepting any questions about anything she had said.
“What do you think she has planned?”
Robert asked me as I took a seat by the bonfire to think over everything Shaoni had said.
“I don’t know, a murder apparently. Shouldn’t you know more about it? You’re one of her followers after all.”
I said as I turned my head to see John walking off into the night. That man was weird, really weird. I knew next to nothing about him and he seemed to never speak.
“Usually sure, but she hasn’t said anything to us about this. It’s why she hasn’t directly overseen all the trials, she’s set this last one up all on her own. I guess there’s nothing to do but wait, we’re all in this together for the first part of the trial I guess.”
Robert explained, leaning back and sprawling out on the ground. He was right, there wasn’t much we could do until we were in the middle of it.
I looked around, searching for Katrina in the firelight. I found her leaning against the rocky wall that made up the entrance of the mine. I stood up, leaving Robert to relax and made my way over.
“How’s the head?”
She asked, feigning taking a swing at me again with an evil grin on her face.
“I told you to take a dive.”
“Yeah, I should’ve listened.”
I admitted, rubbing the goose egg that had formed on my head over the course of my nap.
“So what do you thin about this last trial?”
“Well, I can say that If that Brooke guy tries flirting with me one more time the murder won’t be that hard to solve. Seriously though, I think she’s gone off the deep end. How does she know there’s going to be a murder?”
Katrina made a really good point, how was Shaoni so sure?
“That’s… hmmmm, you’re right.”
“Well I’m gonna head to bed then. Something tells me tomorrow is gonna be a headache. Just try to stay out of my way when we’re all forced to work together and you should be fine. All goes well and maybe we’ll be out of here tomorrow, I know I will.”
Katrina said as she pushed herself off the rock wall she’d been leaning against. Something about the way she said that last part, it made me think she was up to something. Like she was leaving no matter what or she had some sort of exit strategy.
As I left Robert relaxing by the fire and hiked back to my own tepee for the night I spied Katrina. She had climbed up a tree and had her legs wrapped around the trunk and one of her arms gripped a branch above her. There was some kind of box in her other hand, a radio maybe. I had no idea what she was saying, she was too far off, but it had to mean something. As far as I knew none of us had any contact with the outside world since we got here. My gut feeling was that she wasn’t meant to be doing that. I wasn’t going to bother her at this point though so I went my own way and settled down for the night.

Previous Part
“I knew it, I knew he’d pull something like that!”
Was the only thought running through my head as I watched Keith get forced into the truck outside. I was scared for Keith and I was angry, that kind of anger you feel in the pit of your stomach. Not at Keith though, my fury was directed at myself for freezing again. I just sat in the window and watched him get taken. Headache or not I should’ve done something, anything! Instead I just sat there and watched, powerless as always. My first instinct was to go running back home, maybe Frank and Stein could help somehow. Imagine my surprise when I walked in the door and they were looking for me. Well maybe I wasn’t to surprised, I hadn’t told them I didn’t plan on coming back home when I left yesterday.
“Bianca! We were just going to come looking for you, Keith had this idea and… are you alright?”
Frank asked, concern covering his face like a shadow. I must’ve looked like a mess, and the hot wet feeling on my face told me I’d started crying at some point on my way over as well.
“Are you ok? Did something happen?”
Frank repeated in his best fatherly voice. I could barley stammer out the words.
“Keith… gone… they took him.”
My babbling was enough though, realization shown on both their faces. Stein said something to Frank that I couldn’t hear then they nodded to each other.
“He was almost spot on with the timing. Well we best start getting around to do our part then.”
Stein said in his usual uncaring and mildly haughty manner. I don’t know why but it really boiled my blood this time. Keith was gone and he’s just moving on with things?
“Does no-one care about what just happened?! We agreed to look out for him and what did we do? Nothing!”
I screamed at no-one in particular. Those two just gave me a look like I was a misbehaving child.
“We’ve done what we could Bianca, besides Keith is the one who suggested what we’re about to do next.”
Frank stated, in an even and calm tone that made me stop and realize how ridiculous I was acting. Freaking out wouldn’t get us anywhere, even though I really wanted to. So I took a deep breath and stepped back for a second to collect myself.I hated to admit it but in a way their cold, calculating, order of operations approach would probably help here. Those two would never crack under pressure like me. While they didn’t talk about it, I’m sure they’d seen far worse working with the government.
Stein was rushing around looking for car keys when I came back into the kitchen. Frank however, stopped what he was doing to come over to me. I held up my hand to stop him when he opened his mouth to say something.
“No, you don’t have to try and convince me, I’ll come with you. What was Keith’s plan anyways? What did he put you guys up to?”
I asked, much calmer than before but still a little on edge. I couldn’t help but to feel at least a little responsible for what happened to Keith. I know it wasn’t my fault but I came with him for a reason. As much fun as last night had been I wasn’t taking it seriously. I should’ve stayed up to watch for Shaoni, maybe looked around for something she left when she was there before. Regardless, I had to be better next time.
“Keith thought that maybe someone from the reservation a little while outside town may have heard legends about Shaoni. She’s the Thunderbird, that’s an important figure in their stories and legends. Being so close to where she had been sleeping for years he thought there might be a connection. So he asked us to go out and ask around.”
Stein answered me before Frank had a chance to, walking into the room and tossing a jacket my way.
“And put this on, its cold out there.”
It was actually funny how often Stein tried to care and actually came off as so much colder. Almost like he was doing it because he had to, not because he actually cared about me.
“Don’t mind him, he’s just stressed with everything going on lately.”
Frank explained, trying to comfort me. He was right of course, but it didn’t change the fact that it still rubbed me the wrong way.
Ten minutes later I was in the car headed out toward the reservation. It wasn’t a very eventful ride and the pine trees didn’t make for great scenery, I’d seen it all before anyways. Frank and Stein were quiet the whole time and we couldn’t find Rocco before we left. Part of me wondered where he was and part of me didn’t want to know. This gave my mind time to wander and I found myself thinking my life before meeting Frank and Stein. It was weird, I usually tried not to think about it at all but something had brought those memories roaring back. Probably due to Keith asking about it the other day. No-one ever seemed to care about that, my past that is. Every now and then I’d get bored and wander around town. Someone might come up to me and talk but not like Keith did. The only real questions they asked were usually something along the lines of “What’re you doing tonight?” And other variations of that. They were usually looking for something I had no interest in. Sometimes it wasn’t entirely their choice to talk to me. I’d just use my powers simply to have a conversation with someone. Keith actually cared about me though, at least I think so.
A loud honk broke me out of my trance, we had arrived on the reservation. The improvised trailer park we’d arrived in wasn’t much to look at. A dog or two ran around the cluttered ground, free from any sort of leash. An older car missing most of the front end sat raised on a few blocks of concrete. The trailers themselves were run down and rusted. Despite the sorry sight of the place three men sat around a fire, laughing and generally having a great time. The trio looked up as we walked over, recognition passing over their faces. We must’ve looked out of place here in our shiny SUV and Frank and Stein’s three piece suits. Those two were always overdressed when they went out. The only place they fit in was the lab and they seemed more than fine with that.
“Stein! Is that you?”
Exclaimed the man on the left, standing to meet us. He looked happy to see Stein, though I had never seen the guy before in my life. Which meant he must’ve been a friend from before I knew Stein.
“My friend! How have you been? Have you had any difficulties with your… condition.”
Stein replied, cutting his eyes at the other two men like he didn’t trust them.
“They know old friend, no need to beat around the bush here.”
He had to have some supernatural abilities, that’s the only way Stein knew anyone. The question was, what was he?
The man’s name was Sam, Frank told me as we joined the men at the fire. I asked him for more, like what he meant by condition but he wouldn’t budge. Condition usually meant supernatural but a lot of them just looked like normal people. I’m sure everyone has some picture of a succubus in their head and I’m… not that. So I couldn’t even begin to guess at what Sam’s “condition” was.
“So what brings you out here Stein? I hate to say it, but I never expected to see you again.”
Sam said, trying to be as friendly as possible while ultimately telling Stein he didn’t really want him here. He didn’t feel nervous, that much I sensed for sure. No, it was fear that drove him to try and push Stein away, but what did he have to be afraid of?
“I assure you I’ll be gone before I overstay my welcome. I just have a few questions I’d like answers to. It’s entirely possible that you know nothing as well, in which case I’ll be gone even sooner. But you wouldn’t lie to me just to see me gone, now would you?”
Stein almost threatened, some of the friendliness slipping out of his voice. There was more going on here than what I could see or even sense. I’ve got a really good sense of what people are feeling at any given time but the context of those feelings can get lost on me. Sam was feeling fear, way too much fear for the situation. Maybe he knew what Stein was going to ask but I couldn’t tell for sure. I looked to the two scientists, cutting my eyes from Frank to Stein trying to see if they wanted me to step in and calm them down.
“Stein… I can’t… if she knew I talked to you she’d come here. The things I’ve done… what you helped me stop doing. She wouldn’t see it that way if she came here… she would…”
Sam blubbered out, completely losing his composure before Stein raised a hand and cut him off.
“She? You mean Shaoni, we’re aware of what’s going on. We still do have some questions about her though, ones I hope you have answers to.”
At the mention of her name all three men shot up, so I stepped forward. Frank protested but he was to slow to stop me. It’s difficult to describe how I can make people do what I want, these days I just kind of will it to happen and it does. I can force an emotion, or a feeling onto someone else by imagining it myself and projecting it onto them. Frank and Stein think it has something to do with pheromones my body produces. These pheromones can induce certain emotions or feelings if I want them too. In this case I wanted these men to feel tired, cooperative, compliant, and that’s just what they became. Just as soon as they tried to stand they buckled to their knees. I was pushing a little to hard so I eased up a bit, I didn’t want to just put them to sleep or something. Sam got back to his feet and sat down in his chair as the others did the same.
“I’d like to know about Shaoni, The full story, as much as you know.”
I commanded more than asked Sam as he just nodded towards me, a vacant look in his eyes.
“Where should I start exactly little lady?”
Sam asked me, his tone a mix of nervous and compliant.
“I want to know what you know about her, all of it, then we’ll go.”
I answered, trying to ignore the looks Frank and Stein were giving me. They knew I was taking a risk, he didn’t want to share what he knew so I was forcing it out of him. He wanted to tell me now but it wasn’t really “him”. I was in his head, and while he wasn’t going to fight me on anything now, I was sure a part of him was screaming deep down. Fighting desperately to keep his mouth shut to avoid the consequences of telling me anything. I tried not to think about what I was doing to him as Sam began his story.
“Well to start her name wasn’t always Shaoni, It’s hard to keep one name when you’ve lived as long as her. Her name meant “Stormcaller” as near as it translates to your language. She was an elder in a long forgotten tribe in what you know as Canada today. She was renowned for her ability to over see trials and solve debates among her people, always able to set right apart from wrong. The exact name and place of her tribe have been lost to the ages but I do know that it was wiped out. As the story goes the tribe met its end at the hands of “explorers”, all save for Stormcaller were killed. She fled far into the forests and eventually stumbled upon four spirits, the original Thunderbirds. At this time they were still great spirits, created by Nanabozho. Those spirits took pity on Stormcaller, allowing her to live with them in the four corners of the world. With them she learned many things, how to fight, how to think as only a spirit can, and most of all she sharpened her already formidable sense of justice. That need to see justice done, and the proper sense to see what was right from what was wrong is what lead the chief of the Thunderbird spirits to bind itself to her, giving her the powers she’s said to have today, letting her exist as spirit and man made one.
The other Thunderbird spirits eventually followed this example, choosing representatives of their own, each representing an Ideal: Courage, so that our people would never falter in the face of adversity. Solidarity, so that, divided as they may be at times our people were one at heart. Duty, so that our people would never forget their place in the world and the customs and traditions we upheld. Finally there was Justice to lead them all, so that no wrong would be left to stand, and so that one among the ideals would keep the rest in check. These four formed a council that watched over our people for many years.
As imperialism grew in the world and more crimes were committed against their people this council became more and more warlike. Often Stormcaller, now simply known as Justice spearheaded these actions. She sought to right the wrongs committed against her people and hold all responsible accountable for their actions. In accordance with her duties as the embodiment of justice for our people. This war of hers would prove to be her downfall, every day her sense of justice became more absolute, more black and white. She stopped consulting the council to help guide her decisions, believing she and she alone knew what was best for her people and fellow ideals. One thing that changed when the Thunderbird spirits bound themselves was their immutability. As a spirt nothing could harm them, they were eternal, they were and always would be. But once they had become one with a man they could be ended, They would live forever but man’s mortality meant they could be killed unlike before. Something Justice would learn for herself in time.
As her warlike nature grew, Justice began to involve the ideals in open conflict with those who sought to take their peoples land and desecrate their way of life. Eventually Solidarity fell in battle, and those who saw him fall learned of the greater forces at play. These people sought to learn the truth of the power the had seen from Solidarity and doubled their intrusions into sacred land, searching for answers. Suddenly the hunters had become the hunted, perhaps if Justice had not clung so tightly to her convictions everything would’ve ended differently. Instead Justice doubled down on her pursuit to right every wrong she could lay her eyes upon, spurred on by the death of Solidarity. Eventually Courage fell and so to did Duty, only hardening Justice’s resolve. It was only when she revealed herself to her people one day and they fled from her, afraid of what she would do. Afraid that they to had committed some wrong that she sought to right in her own violent way. This reception forced Justice to realize what she had allowed herself to become. Justice had become Vengeance, lost in anger for wrongs she could never hope to right she had lost herself, becoming something else entirely.
She shed her name, her duties, her people and disappeared into the world. Watching what would come for her people broke her. She had lost what she sought to guide and guard, let the people the Thunderbird spirits sought to protect so long ago fall to ruin. Her need to see justice done never left her, but what was once a raging inferno became nothing more than a spark. If she came across one that had escaped justice, hidden their tracks or found a way out she would know. She would right the smaller wrongs of the world in her own way, stoking what remained of the flame within and finding her own purpose in the world. Eventually she would take on a new name, Shaoni, why I do not know but it is what she choose. Her sense of justice was still absolute, she saw no shades of grey just right and wrong. But the scale of her judgment was reduced, no longer would she try and right every wrong the world had to offer but only those she could reach. The world is a dark place though, and sometimes a lesser evil can ease pain. Shaoni didn’t see lesser evil as something she could abide and so her judgements often left more pain in their place. She grew weary of her pursuit once again, seeing how little she had changed and how much pain she had brought. She chose to settle down and remove herself from the world. Shaoni would never be able to die, not from the passing of time. She could remove herself from the equation in a cave not to far from where we stand now.”
Sam’s story hurt to listen too, in some ways it only seemed like Shaoni did what she thought was right. Yet time and time again she failed to see shades of grey, and that cost her everything. It made me think of who I was years ago in a way, not that I was some all powerful spirit thing like her but still. What would Shaoni think of the person I was? How would she judge me for my actions before I meet Frank and Stein? I certainly wasn’t a saint, but did that mean I couldn’t be better? I shook my head, now wasn’t the time to think of things like that. I stopped forcing Sam to answer my question, leaving him to his own devices. There was always some lingering effects after I… did my thing. I’m not sure how exactly it felt for them but I don’t imagine it was pleasant. Realizing you weren’t really in control of yourself has a way of causing issues for a person. Sam seemed to be shaking it off pretty well though, I’d seen worse things happen after I’d finished with someone, like Keith losing hours of time sitting in the kitchen. Playing with emotions can cause stress in the brain, especially since I’m forcing an emotion or feeling on them. More than once I’d seen someone left with uncontrollable swings in mood or a complete lack of emotion or feeling of any sort because of me. I hopped that wasn’t going to happen again here.
“Bianca what was that!”
Frank complained, finally breaking free of the spell the situation had cast over him. He ran over to the other two men that hadn’t gotten up from their chairs like Sam. Worry crashed over me like a wave as I realized why Frank sounded so concerned. One of the men was seizing on the ground, his body shaking violently as spasms coursed through him, had I done that? Sam was in a blissfully ignorant sate, he just sat in his chair watching the fire, unaware of what was happening to his friend. Frank and Stein leapt into action, holding the seizing man on the ground. Stein pulled off his belt and placed it in the mans mouth, trying to keep him from biting himself. My eyes were fixed on the third man who lay motionless on the ground. I took small steady steps toward him, hoping against hope that I could find a pulse. As I got closer I realized his chest was rising and falling. He was alive but who knew what he was going through right now. I felt distant, Frank was yelling something at me but I didn’t catch a word. I had to do it right? I had to make them tell us what they knew, it could help Keith right?
“What did you do to them?”
Sam asked me, apparently free of the aftereffects of my influence. I snapped my head to the side and watched him take a threatening step towards me. I backed away, afraid he might do something rash. I shouldn’t have done that, Stein could’ve convinced them on his own.
“What did you do to them? What’s wrong with them?”
Sam asked again, his voice growing more desperate. Stein picked that moment to appear at my side.
“Sam they’ll be ok just give them a minute. She didn’t mean to hurt you or your friends, just let it go. I’m helping her the same way I helped you, she’s not always in control.”
Sam softened a little bit at that but he was still wary of me. What Stein said was a lie, I had control of my abilities most of the time these days but Sam didn’t know that. Frank walked over to where we were standing with a relieved look on his face.
“They’ll be alright, they just need rest. What about you, are you feeling alright Sam?”
Frank asked, nodding towards him. Sam didn’t answer but it was plain to see he was doing far better than his friends.
“I’d like you all to leave.”
Sam ordered, putting his metaphorical foot down. Whatever favor he owed Stein didn’t matter anymore, he wanted us out. People were beginning to come out of some of the other trailers, gawking at the scene in front of them. As the three of us were leaving Sam said one more thing,
“Stein, this makes us even.”
He growled in an even but angry tone. You could just tell he was staring daggers at us the whole way back to the SUV. I turned back for a moment and I could’ve sworn his skin was wriggling and changing. Like he was just barley holding back something. What concerned me even more was what he felt, not anger or worry, but fear.
The ride back was less than pleasant. You know that feeling when you’ve done something wrong but no one really wants to address it yet? Yeah, that’s what was going on here, the air was practically electric.
“We needed him to talk…”
Stein cut me off immediately, shouting,
“Sometimes you don’t need to help! Look… I know you meant well but you can hurt people with that power of yours. I’ve never seen it that bad before but then again you’ve never done it to a group of people that long. Who knows what longterm consequences it might have. Just… be more careful in the future.”
Stein wasn’t as angry as he tried to appear, part off him was even relived, maybe because I had been the one to handle the situation instead of him.
“I know, I know its just… Keith is stuck out there at that mine with her, I couldn’t leave with nothing.”
I agreed, He was right, it was a risk but how could I have just let it be? No-one else was going to look out for him so that fell on us now. As much as I hated having to force things out of people I was good at it, really good. Despite how I felt about what I could do to people that was the easiest way to get Sam to speak back there.
“Where did this whole drive to help Keith come from anyways? A few days ago you talk him into watching the house and throw some money, our money, at him for the trouble. I’ve seen you do that a few times before with others so you could come with us when we went to stock up on things. Regardless of our misgivings surrounding your methods. So it didn’t go that well this time and he found out about you and us. Something like that was bound to happen eventually. What I can’t picture is why you go out of your way to help him. I don’t personally have any issue with you jumping to his defense. Its not too hard to understand why someone would, considering his situation. But for you, well it seems out of character for you.”
Frank chimed in with a question of his own. I’m sure he didn’t mean anything by it hurt to see him so surprised that I’d consider helping another person.
I never answered Frank’s question, I thought about it a lot the rest of the way back though. Why was I so intent on helping Keith? All my life I’d done things just to survive, even when I was really young I had to find a way to get by on my own. Sure I had my mother but she had her hands full with her own life. She didn’t have much after my father left and did everything she could to make ends meet. I just tried to stay out of her way and help where I could. I never complained when she forgot to make dinner, or when there just wasn’t food around the house. I’d just go without or take what I needed from someone else. Even back then I knew it was wrong but I always had looks on my side. Combine that with pity and not a lot of people would say no to the cute hungry kid. After Brooke, I only had myself and I just kept doing what I needed to. This was different though, I didn’t have to help Keith but I wanted to help him all the same. I didn’t get around town much and I always felt like I just existed around Frank and Stein. With Keith I wasn’t just this thing lying around the house, I was a person, a friend even. That was it, the first time it really clicked for me, Keith was my friend, not because I had wanted him to be or because I made him think he was. No, he was actually there for me and it was all his choice. I didn’t have to puppet him around myself, he actually wanted to be there. I didn’t have to wonder if it was just me and everything I could do pulling him in. For the first time in years someone had actually cared enough to ask about me, Frank and Stein never really did because they knew how much it hurt. Keith didn’t know how much it hurt to talk about but still. I needed to actually talk about all that happened to me with someone who listened for real.
Coming to that realization only made me want to do something stupid. Like run up to that mine and try to get Keith out of there myself. But that’s exactly what it was, stupid. If we wanted to get Keith back we’d need something better than just me. We’d need a real plan, one I’d just started thinking of. There was something else eating at me to. Keith had offered to take some burden from Shaoni back in Imalone, I had an idea what it might be and it scared me. If I was right well, Keith was in more danger than we all thought.
When we pulled back into the driveway Tuck was waiting at the door.
“Where’ve Y’all been?! I been lookin’ for ya damn near all afternoon! Somein’ happened o’re at Keith’s place, He’s gone. I cain’t find that “lab assistant” of yours neither.”
Tuck said hurriedly, his southern accent that he usually tried to hide seeping out into his words.
“We know, it was those trials he told us about. I presume he told you as well then?”
Stein informed him as he got out of the car and marched towards the door, barely making eye contact. Stein had an idea, I could read it all over him. He got this way when he was away from home and wanted too test something, once he was back there was no standing between him and his lab.
“Yeah, the kid told me something like that. Would explain where all those people were goin’ to. Couple of the regulars in town, ones I know look up to that damn bird, left this morning headin’ towards the old mines.”
Tuck spoke to no one in particular, nodding to himself as if to check off the fact that Keith disappearing and people leaving town were two related things.
“Why don’t you come in then, you might be able to help out with the situation. We just learned a few things about this… “damn bird” of yours. I really would’ve appreciated if you told us about that years ago. Perhaps you’d like to tell us what you know of the Thunderbird in the lab?”
Stein ordered rather than asked, pointing to the door for no more than a moment before continuing on his march to the basement. Frank and I filed in after them but I didn’t join them in the lab.
I looked around the house for Rocco but couldn’t find a trace. It wasn’t like him not to leave some trail of destruction in his wake. Well hidden or not, we usually found evidence of whatever he was up to but this time there was nothing. I had no clue where he’d gotten off to, maybe I was better off not knowing. After I gave up I joined the others in the basement, to their surprise I actually had decided to make an appearance. Frank and Stein were a little rattled at first but soon went back to their work. Tuck just beamed at me proudly, like he knew something I didn’t. We set about comparing notes on Shaoni, and separating fact from fiction based on Frank and Stein’s many years working with the supernatural. It was… nice, in a family bonding kind of way. Keith had brought us all together, gave these scientist a new problem to solve. Gave Tuck a chance for some kind of justice for the friends he’d lost in the mine collapse all those years ago. For me, he’d brought me together with the family I’d fallen in with. Strange as they were, this was my family, or at least the closest thing I had to it. I had to help, not just for Keith but for them. I’d been a burden, scared to go outside, hateful of what I could do despite using it to make life easier for myself. Worst of all I’d been stuck in my own head, I’d gone through awful things, done awful things, used my body and my charm to get through life. I’d been every bit as evil as Brooke had been to me. I did everything he’d done to me to others, only it was so much easier for me to do it. I hate myself for it, maybe I always would, but I couldn’t let that stop me now. I had to set all that aside and be there for the people in my life, I had to be a person again, not just hope everyone would treat me like one.

TimeStamp: https://imgur.com/a/OsPF5O4
I ask for patience as I have not done one of these in several years.
All items are mounted once, never fired unless otherwise noted.
11.5” 5.56 upper, purchased from TNTE sales. - $300

• Upper is a 7075-T6 Forged M4 Upper
• Barrel: TNTE Socom (GOV) 1/7 4150 QPQ 1/2x28 thread
• Gas System: Carbine
• Gas Block: Pinned on Low Profile
• Handguard: MI 10" Combat Quad Rail
• Flash Hider: A2

https://imgur.com/a/aq4Taii
Primary Arms 3x compact prism scope (Gen II) w/ ACSS reticle for 223/5.56 + American Defense AD-B3 Modular base + anti-reflection device - $325, not willing to break up bundle at this time. Approx. 100 rounds fired. https://imgur.com/a/P2malTF
Otter Creek Labs ZRo DTA, Gen 2, 1/2x28, NIP - $75 https://imgur.com/a/XZsYBgV
NIB Wolfpack Armory Night Howler. Threads are 1/2x28. Finish is Black nitride. SKU from Wolfpack Armory is NHFH-1228-BN. - $50 https://imgur.com/a/9VGBhK2
Arisaka Defense Offset Scout Light Mount, Picatinny, - $25 https://imgur.com/a/tLp2e1G
Arisaka Defense Side Scout Mount, Mlok - $25 https://imgur.com/a/t15bKSe
Irregular Defense MBS V1 PIC (FDE) -$30 https://imgur.com/a/5hTWhQ7
Tango Down Stubby Vertical Grip (FDE, includes both keys and instructions) - $30 https://imgur.com/a/MtwWwDU
Magpul MVG (FDE) - $7 https://imgur.com/a/gNHQnEs
Magpul RVG (BLK) -$7 https://imgur.com/a/92u8Djn
Generic A2 grip w/ bolt -$7 https://imgur.com/a/QMtkfLK
Magpul MOE (BLK) - $7 https://imgur.com/a/FKDT4aZ
Magpul MOE SL (FDE) - $7 https://imgur.com/a/NPRgpyq
AIM Sports Inc. 0.75” AR Riser Mount - $7 https://imgur.com/a/BeQUkXx
Magpul sling parts - $7 https://imgur.com/a/r1fOkXd
If you’d like more pictures or information on an item, please feel free to ask. Not interested in trades at this time. I am willing to negotiate on prices. If you live in the Houston area I am willing to do a face to face meet up.
I do not have a PayPal account, I am happy to use Venmo and a proxy. Also happy to verify myself however you prefer, from Instagram account to text message, whatever you prefer. I have a history of transactions on Texas Gun Trader that I am willing to share as well.

Hey folks!
Prepping for the August LSAT. I’m wildly assuming that chaos will be a ladder, so I’m dead set on taking the first LSAT in the new format. Please correct my assumption if you know something I don’t.
Have you noticed in yourself that you can do LRs all day but can barely finish 1 or 2 RC a day? I’ve been aiming for 4 sections daily: 20 sections a block, 10 blocks of RC interweaved with 10 of LR from April to August. I’d need to finish at least 1.5 block a week to finish all LRs once and RC twice before the test day. Under that schedule, I’m behind. I can easily average out at -2 to -1 with 4 LRs a day (yes, I’m working full time on top of that) but can only do 2 RCs a day for a -3- when I tried a 3rd, it always slipped to -4/-5 without exception. How do you stabilize your RC while building up your tolerance? I asked that assuming that you want or feel the need to in the first place… I’m presuming that only because I’m bracing for some 2-LR-2-RC madness.
It might sound like a dumb question to you, but I’ll shoot my shot anyway: how will you project the raw-score-to-curve conversion be? My test day curved score was 169, and that probably had LG to thank. I’ve had all but one LR where I got -0. So, if it’s to be counted double, I’d be looking at a -[3+(2*2)] unless I manage to climb out of my current plateau. Would you project the curve to give any more breathing space for high 170s? If so, by how much? If not, what’s your current strategy?
Many thanks!

Writer's Block? More Like Writer's Mock! Let's Outsmart That Blank Page:

Tired of staring at a cursor that blinks like a judgmental disco ball? Fear not, fellow wordslinger, for we shall vanquish this block with unorthodox weaponry! Forget boring brainstorming – let's get weird, wild, and ridiculously effective.
Step 1: Embrace the Chaos of Your Procrastinating Soul:

• Channel Your Inner Toddler: Throw a tantrum on paper! Scribble nonsense, draw explosions, write bad poetry about your nemesis (the blinking cursor). Release the creative gremlins and laugh in their judgmental faces.
• Become a Fortune Cookie Writer: Grab a bowl, write prompts on slips of paper (e.g., "Your protagonist wakes up as a talking croissant"), draw one blindly, and write whatever chaotic story emerges.
• Themed Freewriting Frenzy: Set a timer for 5 minutes and write non-stop about the most mundane object in your vicinity (bonus points for using a thesaurus to describe a stapler in Shakespearian prose).

Step 2: Befriend the Uncomfortable:

• Write Backwards: Start with the last sentence and work your way to the beginning. Embrace the confusion, it might just birth brilliance.
• Automatic Writing: Don't think, just let your hand move across the page, even if it writes gibberish. Sometimes, the subconscious holds the key.
• Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: Write a scene from your story reflected in a mirror, distorting perspectives and realities.

Step 3: Befriend the Outside World (But Not Too Much):

• People Watch with a Twist: Observe someone at a cafe, but imagine their secret life as a spy, rockstar, or intergalactic time traveler. Write their untold story.
• Eavesdrop Ethically (ish): Catch snippets of conversations around you and weave them into your own narrative. Just, you know, don't get creepy.
• Themed Playlist Challenge: Pick a genre (sci-fi, romance, thriller) and write a scene inspired by each song on a random playlist. Let the musical chaos guide you.

Remember: Perfection is the enemy of progress. Embrace the weird, the silly, the downright nonsensical. You might just surprise yourself with a spark of genius hiding in the unexpected. Now go forth, conquer that blank page, and unleash your inner writing warrior (even if they wear mismatched socks and wield a spork)!

Race Name: No Time To Die Frontyard Ultra
Start: Friday 17 May 12pm
Entrants: Just over 150
Location: Edge of Central Business District Adelade, South Australia (Victoria Park)
Lap distance: circa 6.71km
Total i raced: 115.3km - winner did 396km
Organisers: Ultra Series SA
Me: 35 Male, Australian
Training and lead up
I’ve been running for almost 2.5 years now, with a primary focus on Zone 2 base building for the last two years.
My running goals are too varied - with wanting a fast 5km (PB: 19:39), a sub-50 12.1km (PB: 51:30), the six major marathons (done one non-major, 3:48, impacted by double quad cramps), a BQ marathon time, and 100milers (done a 50km ultra, a trail mara, and a road mara).
However, this was to be an A Race.
Further, I started a Pfitz 18/55 marathon training block four weeks before the race with a 3:15 target, and diligently completed each planned run for the first two weeks.
Before the Pfitz block, I hit 93km in the week.
February was 244km, March was 276km, April was 260km, May-to-date is 206km (from 6 runs). 46km/week on average for last 12 months.
Specific training was 6 laps on-course, 7 laps from home (35degrees), 6 laps on-course.
Two weeks before the Frontyard Ultra, I hurt my Achilles in my circa 3rd run using Alphafly 3, setting a HM PB on a Pfitz training run. I then did a horrible 6.5km on the Saturday, then six laps of the frontyard ultra course on Sunday with tears in the eye from pain (my first 100km week).
Saw a GP on Monday, got an ultrasound on Tuesday, got ultrasound results on Wednesday, saw a sportsdoctor on Thursday.
Diagnosis: Sub-acute tendonitis, everything that could be inflamed is inflamed, and a bursa.
Sportsdoctor: “The risk of doing the ultramarathon without doing a rupture is acceptable, but the risk of a tear in the medium term is unacceptable without taking appropriate action. Do the ultra, then come back a week later (which is still two days from now) to start treatment. “
Everyone else in my life, including the GP: “don’t run.”
Had pain at rest for pretty much all of this time, and a reasonable amount over the following 8 days – but less so by a couple of days before the race. Over this 12 day period I only did one run, a fairly slow parkrun halfway-through.
Late decision: Do the race, but try to avoid doing a permanent injury, don’t set a distance goal, just focus on learning stuff for next year.
Pre-Race:
· Packing list included circa 85 items
· Got picked up at 9:20am, arrived 10:00am
· Had a premium gazebo site (#recommended), which cost an extra $50.
· Set-up took about 30 minutes -> Mainly fluffing around with getting the gazebos appropriately lined up on the pre-booked site.
· Toilet’s were inadequate for the first 8 hours or so before six more opened – but, by then, it was dark so bush wees were the order of the night.
· Target was originally 50mins per lap
· Weather was sunny and max of about 21, and a minimum of around 13/14.
Race:
Used Garmin FR955 with highish brightness, and most accurate GPS, which used around 4% battery per hour.
Laps:
48:35
49:45
50:01
49:06
47:52
49:20
50:04
50:15
50:29
52:18
51:37
51:30
51:24
50:45
51:30
53:30
56:53 (deliberately slow – knew it was the last lap – had already asked Wifey to pack up)
Started the 18th lap, just because, and rung the bell after 58seconds. One other person did too.
I started with a run 1km, walk 1km strategy, but this went out the window pretty quickly and became not-strict as I wanted to talk to certain other competitors -> eg, mates, acquaintances I knew from other races, Johan Botha (eventual winner with 59 laps, also shoutout to Joel Sexton for the assist), some guy wearing a UTMB 2023 top, etc – so I was more than happy to change when I walked/ran to have those conversations. I don’t think that negatively impacted me.
Also, as the race went on (from about lap 11), my comfortable running speed was slipping from originally 5:15/km through to 6 to 7:30mins, to even 8mins by the end, which meant needing to run for the significant majority of the lap, and/or running at an uncomfortable speed. My comfortable walking speed also increased from 9:30/km to 13:30/km.
I believe that there were 35 runners that completed lap 17.
A lot of others were trying to do 3mins run, 2 mins walk, or 5mins run, 3mins walk, or some other variant, at the start.
Nutrition:
Drink: I drank 500ml on each of about 11 of the first 13 laps (and 350ml on the other two), and averaged about 400ml a lap for the remaining four laps. I also drank between each lap. I generally alternated between Tailwind (100g of carbs)/Powerade (1.5L(90g carbs)) /maurten drink mix (40g carbs) and water, on top of two cups of coke and a can of solo. I weighed the same when I got home versus when I left home – implying I drank slightly too much but was pretty spot on (noting that I ate food, so, I essentially lost “water” weight equal to the weight of food I ate). I wish I had packed another tailwind or two.
I ate a lot:
Prerace: rice bubbles, juice, killer python, banana x2, peanut butter sandwich, small packet of crisps.
Each hour: Approx. 50-90g of carbs every hour (probably more than necessary, but, without having gut issues I am happy with this decision), including liquid carbs, 6 killer pythons (101g carbs), 3 sandwiches, a small handful of koda gels and two handfuls of maurten gels, 150g of Haighs Speckles, a banana, watermelon pieces, chicken crimpys, small packet of tiny teddy’s, 3 small bags of crisps, 2xnaak waffles, hot chips, few lollies, a little bit of soup, etc. Generally one or two pieces whilst running, and one piece between laps.
I can confidently remember 1028g of carbs (60.5g/hour) – but probably missed a couple of pieces of food. For clarity, I also ate a lot in the hour before the race that I’m not including in this 1028g.
Drugs: I also took Celecoxib (on-top of morning dose), 4Panadeine Forte, 2Panadeine, 2Panadol, 2Nurofen --< I couldn’t have done many laps without these.
Shoes: I started in RC Elite v2, started to get knee pain, changed to Superblast, got worse knee pain, changed back to RC Elite v2, got 2 killer blisters on the side of my heel, changed to SC Trainer and had no additional feet problems – but the blisters were genuinely painful.
Why did I quit?
It was 5am, and I didn’t think it was worth trying to make it to sunrise at 7:05. I was in pain and didn’t fancy taking more opioids (Palexia was all I had left that I could find), my gut was starting to think about maybe playing up, my original goal pre-injury was 15 laps, my longest previous run before was 53km, my wife had been crewing for 12 straight hours and seemed disappointed when I went out for one of my final laps (she was telling people I was about to quit from lap 11). I became worried I was going to be permanently injuring my Achilles / rupture it… but, yes, I could have kept going if I needed to.
Post race
Went home, showered, slept for 2hours.
Been in constant pain since.
My ankle has swollen and continued to swell since, and I can’t really bend it still, which means I can’t walk anywhere near properly. It got worse from straight after the race Saturday morning, through to Monday, and is now getting better again (Tuesday) and is similar to how it looked on Sunday, but with a bit more mobility.
Statistics from Garmin
· 142 average HR (my max is about 200)
· 9:49hours run, 5:00 walk, 2:12 rest
· 660 exercise load
· 492m ascent (491 descent).
Overall
A great race – if my Achilles is healed up, I’ll be back next year – hopefully with the sole target of timing out on a lap and not stopping until then.
I’m happy with how I performed, originally, I was a touch bummed I “couldn’t be bothered” pushing through when I was still making laps with 7 minutes to spare… but, given how swollen my ankle is three days later I know I made the right call to stop (and probably should have done so earlier!)… and, like I said, wifey had crewed all through the night for 12 straight hours already, so it was time to go.
For next year, I think I’ll try to find some people to crew me until midnight or something, then have wifey come down for the 1am lap, instead of being there from 4pm or 5pm.
I think I need to skip my next planned A race – the Adelaide marathon - to give me Achillies time to heal properly.
Packing list (x denotes I didn’t use at least one instance of this item)
Running shirts x3 (only used the pair I wore there)
Thermal trousers (x)
Thermal top x2
Undies (x)
Thick running socks
Thin running socks (x)
Dressing gown
Soap (x)
Towels x2
Ice
Esky
Table (1.8m – absolutely necessary)
Good chair
Running vest
Running belt (x)
Soft flasks x2
400ml mt franklin (x)
750ml water bottle
Gels
Sports bars (x!)
Drink mix
Tailwind
Powerade x2
Ventolin
Atrovent (x)
Celecoxib
Portable battery
Garmin cable
Usb cables
Ugg boots
10L water box
Cramp fix
Blister bandaids
Ankle strapping for blisters
Tweezers (x)
Nail clippers (x)
Hoody (x)
Running jacket x2 (x)
Gloves x2 (x – but did put a pair into my vest and very almost wore them)
Drugs
Toothbrush and paste
Cohesive bandage (x – but in vest for emergencies)
Chewies
Headlamp
6xAAA batteries – should have brought 9, but it was fine.
Buff
Toilet paper (x, but in vest)
Tissues
Running shorts x2 (only used the pair I wore there)
Running tights x2 (only used the pair I wore there)
Rubbish bags
Headphones (x)
Phone
House keys
Superblast
RC elite v2
SC trainer
Speedgoat 5 (X)
Beanie (x)
Vegemite sandwich x2 - crustless
Peanut butter sandwich x2 – crustless
Bananas
Salomon speedcup
Sticky tape (x)
Scissors
Killer python x16
Tape for bandages (x)
Suncream (x)
Hat x2
Compression shorts x2 (only used the pair I wore there)
Small crisps x4
Vaseline (only what I put on pre-race)
Tea-towel (x)
Pens
Paper
Torch (x)
Handwash (x)
Snake bandage (x)
Floss (x)
Deodorant (x)
Explorer socks
Charger (x)
Hand sanitizer
Beach cart
Asked wife to bring after it started:
Chicken crimpys
Massage gun
Sleeping bag to be kept in car, just incase (x)
Race Day Pics
https://ibb.co/j4sKNQ0 https://ibb.co/cwvfnYr https://ibb.co/s3VxHfB
Ankle pics Saturday 630am
https://ibb.co/p492wcL https://ibb.co/CtQDC81
Ankle pics Sunday / Monday
https://ibb.co/Gkgtw2p https://ibb.co/C76GfvR https://ibb.co/C0TWPcH https://ibb.co/sJCSt9t
Garmin pics https://ibb.co/GVtmBBN https://ibb.co/yBt3zVZ

And I’m lying to myself It’ll feel better if I write it all down I’m racking my brain And crushing my soul Please don’t tell me it’s going to get better Because I’m not listening And when you talk to me I’m screaming under my breath Just waiting for a moment Where I can slip out Keep writing it all down I’ve gotten so soft I can’t pull anymore There’s so many things I would love to remember But I’m hating myself For blocking it out

Hey everyone! This is my 2nd post about my affair with Dustin, a 26 year old, married, captain on staff while I was a newly arrived 18 year old private at my first duty station.
I hope you enjoy Part 2, and as always, I'm welcome to receive any constructive feedback you may have about my writing or if you just want to talk! If you're just here to bash me for having an affair with someone, save your breath, I'll just block you. Without further ado, Part 2 of my affair with Dustin! <3 Hannah
First, a little about me. I'm 5'5ish, 135ish depending on the day, and have dark brown hair that falls part way down my back with brown eyes. My mom is a Crow (Native American) and my dad is Italian so the olive complexion genes are active in my family. I've got a fairly petite/athletic build with a 32B chest and a toned butt. My nipples are dark brown, on the smaller side, and I shave everywhere. I'm a fan of tattoos and have a feather on my foot, flower pieces on my right hip into my lower ribs, left shoulder, and lower back, a small script piece in my left side bra line, a green carebear in my left bikini line and a large dream catcher down my left ribs. If there's a detail I've left out, feel free to ask ;)
I sat alone in my barracks room the morning after my first in person experience with Dustin, the officer I'd met on Bumble who turned out to have a wife going to school out of state. I'd ignored any thought of walking away from this potentially messy situation and now found myself waking up alone in my room, the morning after letting a married officer cum all over my face and chest while i fingered myself to orgasm kneeling in front of him. I admitted two simple truths to myself: it had been the biggest rush of my life, and i absolutely needed more.
I checked my phone and saw 4 new messages from Dustin, all expounding on the fact he wished we didn't have to go to work today and how he wished I was there with him. As I got dressed for the daily workday routine of morning physical training, I snapped him a pic in just my maroon sports bra and black athletic thong and sent it to him, telling Dustin how I wished I could do PT in his home gym in just this. The buldge pic I got in return told me he liked the sound of that as I slipped back to reality, put on my PT uniform and joined my platoon for the usual Monday run. This was the rush. The dual life I craved and what drew me to Dustin. One minute I was sending sexy snaps to a man I shouldn't be with, living in the world of secret meetups and fun and the next, I was out joining my platoon for a normal daily routine workout. The world of the rush was addicting and I'd only just dipped my toes (mouth) in.
My day to day world of learning about fuel tankers, learning to drive them under NVGs, how to test fuel quality to ensure adequate grade for the type of unit I was supporting and all manner of tactical skills that would help me integrate into a complex military operation was genuinely rewarding and occupied my attention fairly easily. But then I'd find myself longing for a breakout. Longing for the rush of excitement I'd only just tasted. Each message from Dustin became a small dose of "you shouldn't but you will" and I wanted more.
Dustin had a busy schedule at the staff he worked on, but always took a moment to ask "how's my beautiful Private doing? Need anything from the Exchange?" We had had one intimate in person encounter and already this was taking on more than just a hookup from a dating app. We both recognized that actively developing a relationship behind the back of one partner's spouse automatically made this more than "just sex"....which we hadn't even had yet.
Between his work schedule and mine, we found it difficult to meet up the week following our evening of watching football with a side of a blowjob. Didn't stop me from letting him know I wanted more. I dropped all the hints. I sent him pics of choices of underwear for the day, letting him choose from a few options I was comfortable working in and then sending him quick snaps from the bathroom at work, proving his Private really wore what he'd asked her to. I also introduced him to a pink, 6 inch, anatomically correct dildo I typically used in the evening when I craved him desperately. I showed him that just like with his similarly sized shaft, I could force my lips to reach its base as the tip slid into the back of my throat. I also laid it on top of the underwear he had chosen for me one day, a simple pair of boyshorts that looked incredible with a pink phallis on top, illustrating just how far into my petite frame it/he would go if I would just slip them to the side and insert it/him.
I kept him wanting more. You can see my underwear, but only laid out on my bed, or on me, not tossed to the side showing you underneath. You can see my small collection of sex toys in my drawer or in my mouth, but the camera stops before they get to where they're the most fun. By Thursday, Dustin was desperate for the week to end so we could be together. He sent me a video of him teasing himself with pictures of me on his laptop and I thought it was the hottest thing ever to watch a man who definitively out ranked me choosing "his beautiful Private" over his wife. By Saturday we were going to go wild if we didn't take the next step.
There's different types of duty in the military, from a barracks desk to an installation watch office and every echelon in between. Saturday Dustin had duty for his brigade, which normally meant not a lot of time sitting at a desk, but a lot of time going around inspecting important places in his unit and making reports of what he found. I couldn't wait any longer and neither could he. I told him he should just add me to his list of inspections and quickly have his way with me during his rounds. Not the fairy tale special first time but the raw, I need you now and I'm tired of waiting, that two deprived lovers seek.
He agreed and said he would have time to "run home for dinner" if I would be ready and waiting for him. Ready and waiting in your bed. Quicky to satisfy this urge and let me plan something more while I wait. Yes. Dustin agreed to leave his side door unlocked so I could let myself in while he was at work. Apparently despite our lack of intimacy, our constant stream of communication built a trust that I wouldn't rob him blind lol seriously though, I respected his trust and didn't take an opportunity to go through all his stuff or leave a letter for his wife or anything crazy in between.
Instead, I drove over in late afternoon in a pair of black Nike soccer shorts with a built-in liner, so I went sans underwear, and continued the trend with a pink tshirt and matching hoodie without a bra, letting my small, 32B chest bounce a little as I let myself in, walked past the couch I'd kneeled in front of to receive a facial at the previous weekend and made my way towards Dustin's bedroom upstairs. I found aa spacious king bed that occupied the majority of the fairly small room in military housing, leaving a small walk way on either side, wide enough for matching his and hers nightstands on either side of the bed and space at the end of the bed where the room flowed into the master bathroom sweat complete with walk in closet, linen closet and 2 sink bathroom with a nice deep tub.
I set my purse down on what was clearly his wife's nightstand and quickly stopped out of my comfy clothes I'd worn to my visit. I plopped down naked in his bed, with a condom and lube laid out on her nightstand next to my purse. I sent Dustin a nude selfie of me on his wife's side of the bed, with a caption letting him know I was ready for our quicky. A quick reply let me know I had 15 minutes. I was immediately slick with anticipation. I set a pillow in the center of the bed and scooted my butt towards the edge of the bed as I spread my legs wide and began to tease light circles around my clit as I began to tease myself in preparation for the quick coupling that was minutes away. As my breath quickened and my heart raced, I dabbed a small glob of lube onto two of my fingers and I slowly stretched myself, my inner walls relaxing to recieve one, two, three fingers as I continued to rub my clit, my body as desperate to be with Dustin as my heart was.
A rattling of keys in the front door let me know my time was up as I removed the 3 fingers currently satiating the desperate urges of my core. Racing footsteps up the stairs found Dustin at the door in seconds, with his beautiful Private spread eagle on the edge of the bed waiting for him. I looked up at him in his uniform, totally unashamed of my nude and vulnerable position and told him his Private was ready for his inspection.
In a flash his camo jacket was tossed aside, the brown undershirt following behind and he rushed to undo his belt and soon had his pants and briefs around his ankles. In a moment he was leaning down on top of me, hungrily kissing my lips as his firm shaft pressed against my core as I pulled him into a tight embrace between my wide spread legs. As we passionately kissed, our tongues breathlessly intertwined, I paused and asked him if he wanted the condom off his wife's nightstand. I reminded him I was on the shot for BC, but it was his choice either way.
He pulled away to look over at her nightstand and instead of grabbing the condom, took the lube and generously applied a coat to his entire six or seven inch length. I needed him now. Standing between my legs, which I held wide open for him with my butt to the edge of the bed, Dustin teased the tip of his firm shaft between the lips of my freshly shaved vagina. He ran the tip between my spread lower lips, from my clit to my soaking wet and lubed entrance. With only a moments pause with his tip aligned with my eager hole, Dustin firmly pushed his entire length into me as he moaned my name and my soft inner walls welcomed him deep inside me as I gasped at the feeling of sudden fullness and a desperate need for more.
Buried to the base of his shaft inside me, Dustin leaned down to kiss me passionately. I wrapped my legs behind his butt, pulling him deep inside me as he began to thrust in a steady deep rhythm that drove me to the edge. I breathless begged for him to fuck me as I scratched lines down his back with my nails as I desperately held my man between my legs, his thrusts stimulating every inch of my inner walls and the friction of our bodies urging my clit to find release. Dustin broke our embrace and soon I found myself with two strong hands holding my legs open wide nearly in the splits on the edge of the bed as he thrust into me deeper than I'd ever felt before. I was breathless, calling out for more. Please don't stop Dustin. Please don't stop as his pace quickened and I could feel his balls slapping against nearly my butthole as he pounded into me, using my vagina for his release. I took one hand and found my clit, matching my rhythm to his and I soon found the waves of release that had building to the edge as Dustin gave me more, more, more. My inner walls clenched tight as the dam broke and my orgasm shook through my body in a release of ecstasy. Dustin continued to fuck me through my own release, my body desperate for him to find his own release.
I looked up at the passion and hunger in his eyes as I became keenly aware of the bouncing of my small breasts as I laid there riding the wave of my massive orgasm moaning in pleasure as the stimulation deepend, quickened and in a moment, I could feel Dustin swell and find his release deep inside me, ropes of cum filling me as my body clinched around him, holding him inside me as a second wave of pleasure pulsed through my core. We laid there for a long moment, a tight sweaty embrace with my handsome man on top of me, showering my neck and lips in kisses as we both breathlessly came down from our collective orgasms.
Dustin stood up, his softening length sliding out of me along with a mix of his cum and lube and my own release. I stood up and followed him to the bathroom, me completely naked, with his uniform pants pulled half way back up. I took hot washcloths and cleaned both of us between our legs, getting him ready to go back to work and for me to clean the mix of cum and lubed that was now running down my inner thigh. I asked him if I'd passed his inspection and he laughed, smiling and kissing me saying that indeed I had. He told me I could spend the night here if I wanted, he had to get back to duty but his place was a little more awesome than my barracks room.
I agreed and put back on my Nike shorts and tshift with it fairly obvious that I wasn't wearing a bra, which admittedly wasn't really an issue for Dustin at all. I followed him downstairs and kissed him goodnight as he headed back to work. I made myself at home and made a simple dinner and fell asleep watching tv under a blanket in his living room, which is where he found me when he came home at the end of his shift in the morning. I followed him to bed and we spent most of the day napping in eachothers arms before it really was time for me to go home and get ready for the next work week. I continued to tease him on snap and told him that we had sooooo much more still to do and his response made it readily apparent that he agreed.
Thank you for reading this chapter of my affair with Dustin! If you liked it or have something in my writing you'd like to see improved, feel free to let me know! My writing only gets better if you tell me what you'd like to see! Thanks for for sticking with me, I truly hope you've enjoyed! <3 Hannah

As the title implies, this is the first in a series of stories about affairs I had in the military. I've never been married, not really interested in being married, but I have been with four married men in my life. In each case, I knew what I was doing, but I loved the rush of doing something I shouldn't as much as I liked the relationship itself. I'll save you all the negative comments. I was the homewrecking whore, etc, etc. If that's what you're here to comment about, save your breath, I'll just block you so people who want to actually read my content don't have to deal with you. If this is your sort of story, I'd love to hear your feedback on content or how I can improve my writing! One quick author's note, i will not be using people's real names or naming specific units that my stories happened in. I was never caught in my sexual affairs, no wives found out and left their husband over me, and no one's military career ended because of me and I intend to keep it that way. This is for fun writing, not doxing someone's past transgressions to the world. Also let me know if you want to see more stories! <3 Hannah
First, a little about me. I'm 5'5ish, 135ish depending on the day, and have dark brown hair that falls part way down my back with brown eyes. My mom is a Crow and my dad is Italian so the olive complexion genes are active in my family. I've got a fairly petite/athletic build with a 32B chest and a toned butt. My nipples are dark brown, on the smaller side, and I shave everywhere. I'm a fan of tattoos and have a feather on my foot, flower pieces on my right hip into my lower ribs, left shoulder, and lower back, a small script piece in my left side bra line, a green carebear in my left bikini line and a large dream catcher down my left ribs. If there's a detail I've left out, feel free to ask ;)
Without further ado, my story:
I was an 18 year old private, 92F (fuel handler) working on a base in the heart of Bourbon Country. It was a huge culture shock for me, coming from a small town in Maine to a massive military base with more people in my division than my home town. I honestly felt a little lost and overwhelmed, which probably contributed to why I sought out a relationship where I felt wanted. It's easy on a base like that to feel completely ignored. My unit had long been integrated and was about 30-40% female on any given day, so no I wasn't getting hit on constantly, and no I wasn't sleeping with every guy in my barracks.
Speaking of my living situation, I was in a 4-story building with all of the junior enlisted soldiers in my battalion. There wasn't open bays and there wasn't all girls areas. We roomed by company in our own room with a bedroom, closet, bathroom, and a fridge/sink/1 burner stove setup by the door as a kitchenett. Barracks could definitely be a wild time, similar to a college dorm but contrary to your favorite porno, gangbang orgies with 20 guys "running a train" are something I never saw or heard of in my 4 years living there and I was/am a fairly sexually active adult.
Given my situation of being totally new and massively out of my element in terms of culture shock, I quickly turned to Bumble to help sort out my dating scene because the base really was a city and everyone is pretty insular when it comes to their unit, so trying to meet guys who also aren't your coworkers means turning to the swipe game. After a few days online and connections with everyone from the local off base that definitely has fewer teeth than fingers to the obviously fake bot that just screams scam, and swiping left on some guys from my own company (hey, 18-25 year old demographic has the same needs, I get it), I finally matched with a 26 year old, Dustin, from another brigade on our post.
Given 10 seconds on Dustin's profile, I could tell he was an officer and anyone with 10 seconds to spare on my profile could tell I was junior enlisted, but we matched anyway. He was handsome in a gentle sort of way. Sandy brown hair in a military cut, athletic features that let you know he was fit without screaming chiseled gymrat, and a style that screamed more laid back homebody than the stereotypical "bro vet" vibe that you get with some young officers....and a ton of junior enlisted. I took a pause and decided to message him despite knowing our ranks didn't line up because the way I saw it, we were in totally seperate brigades and there'd be no reason we would ever interact or influence eachother at work.
A few minutes later I got a reply back and soon I was texting back and forth getting to know a genuinely sweet guy with a love of the outdoors, fishing, camping, and an eye for photography, particularly some truly astounding landscape photos. The conversation came easy and I found myself happy to have a guy so interested in me. Before I got completely swept off my feet, I brought up the elephant in the room and mentioned that I was an E2 and he was an O3. He dropped the bombshell that "yeah but I'm just a guy on staff, that's not a big issue, the real issue is I need to be discreet because I'm married. Please don't hate me"
Boom. Of course the super easy to talk to makes me feel wanted and moves past my mention of our rank differences drops the counter-bomb of he has a wife. In all of my 18 years I thought I would have run away instantly. Nope. Not me. I was intrigued. I didn't run away, and I came to find out that his wife was doing a year long internship with a major corporation out of state and only really came to visit on long weekends and holidays. So Dustin had turned to Bumble to fill a piece of his love life that was currently 4 states away. Not ideal I told myself, but at least she isn't like...here on post with him and he's not coming home because he's with someone else...right? To 18 year old me trying to convince myself it was okay to be with the guy I obviously was attracted to it was sound logic. It worked. I replied back that I was up for seeing what happened with the understanding that no one was gonna leave their wife over this and no one was gonna get anyone in trouble over the rank thing.
A week of texting back and forth after moving off Bumble found Dustin and I building a fast relationship that came with similar interests and easy conversation. He wasn't overly pushy about becoming anything romantic and wasn't like "Omg send nudes". I guess he was feeling this whole thing out as much as I was. Eventually I got the text one evening of "you know you look really good in that pic you have with your friends at the beach on your profile"...I know the one. I'm wearing an electric blue string sided bikini that has pretty full coverage, rides moderately low on my hips and has basic triangle cups and string ties for the top. Okay, Dustin likes me in a bikini...this is the first obvious flirting from Dustin and I decide to be a little bold and sent him a mirror selfie in the generic black bra I had worn under my uniform that day with my uniform pants still on. I get a reply back in some stereotypical guy lingo that he really likes what he sees. I told him that if he wanted to hang out, I wouldn't put my uniform shirt back on. Cue the FaceTime call, yes Dustin I will video chat with your handsome shirtless self while wearing a bra and my uniform pants thank you very much. We talked for at least an hour and things didn't turn super sexual or anything but we did agree we needed a date that weekend. The week ahead though definitely saw a spike in "tension" between us.
I was more than a little excited by the prospect of being with someone again. I had had a little fling during AIT, but since coming to my first duty station, I had been in a bit of a dry spell. Bumble had finally come through for me, and the combined rush of potentially being with a guy again, plus the fact he was one of those forbidden officers, and married? I was on edge. I definitely had my moments of "holy shit I shouldn't be doing this" but those feelings were replaced by a feeling of almost insatiable excitement that had me counting down the days to Saturday. For the first time since highschool, I found myself putting some serious effort into some scandalous but not too "revealing" snaps to Dustin, teasing him with a peak of which panties I wore to work today, or hoping in the shower after PT with just my black Army tshirt on and sending a pic of it clinging to every curve and hiding just enough below my waist. Like I said, hard-core tease mode for four whole days.
Flash forward to Saturday and I was in my barracks room, getting ready to meet a guy I was 100% falling for just a little and I decided that no matter what happened tonight, I was not gonna be the girl who gives it all up on the first date. Definitely set myself up to potentially cock block myself, but I saw it as I didn't want to be the girl he slept with and left, I wanted to continue to tease him and leave him wanting more. I wanted him to want me. I slipped into a pair of almost painted on skinny jeans with a cute teal thong underneath with a black tanktop and matching pushup bra on top. I drove to Dustin's house somewhere in the on base housing that I'd never been and took a deep breath before walking to the door.
This was it. I was the new Private about to go see a married officer behind his wife's back. I almost chickened out and drove away, but found myself ringing the doorbell and quickly being invited in, pulled into a warm hug and a "wow you look even cuter in person" from the handsome man of my DMs, Dustin. He had apparently spent the day smoking some brisket because he had quite the spread laid out for us in the dining room as I got a quick tour of the common spaces of his home. Definitely nicer than my barracks room.
Dinner accompanied the two of us loudly cheering on a random football game on TV, sorta snuggled on the couch but at a "almost together " sort of distance. There were all sorts of reasons for us to brush up against eachother and it was almost this cat and mouse game of how far do we go as the evening progressed. Don't get me wrong, there was a ton of conversation and it came just as naturally as it had online, but now we had the palpable tension of two of us who had never been this far deciding where the limit for tonight would be.
Eventually Dustin cut the tension, saying, "you really do love to tease don't you?". Yes. Let's talk about how I've driven you wild for days and now you want me. I leaned into him, kissed him quickly but firmly on the lips before pulling away, leaving an inch between us as I looked into his eyes and whispered "yes sir". I found my face immediately in his hands, my lips pressed to his and our tongues intertwined. I gasped as he suddenly held me close and we made every effort to close any space between us as we passionately made out, his fingers running through my hair, my nails scraping his back over his tight tshirt and soon I was hot, breathless, and sure I wanted more.
I pulled away and told him he didn't get all of me tonight but he could still have dessert. I had him sit up on the edge of the couch and pulled his shorts to the floor, tossing them aside towards an end table holding pictures of him and his wife and our dirty dishes from dinner. I in turn lifted my tanktop off over my head, unclasped my black pushup bra and let it fall to the floor, kneeling between Dustin's spread legs as my small brown nipples hardened into firm nubs in arousal. I pulled back my long brown hair and tied it in a messy ponytail before bringing my face down to his firm, six inches between his legs.
I teased the length of his shaft with the tip of my tongue, feeling him twitch in expectation as I repeatedly, softly traced his length before circling his tip and heading back down the way I came. I grasped his base and swallowed half his length in one wet mouthful, a gasp of pleasure escaping his lips as my own pushed further towards his base, attempting to take his entire firm cock before the tip slipped down into my throat, triggering a slight gag reflex as I tightened around his shaft and I came up for air, a slight trail of drool connecting my lips to his tip. I stroked his now well lubed cock in a twisting motion as I asked him if his little private was doing well for him. A hand on the back of my head guiding me back to his shaft told me this wasn't too far for him. I swallowed him nearly to his base, grasping him with one hand as my free hand unbuttoned my jeans and slipped into the front of my now soaked panties, the arousal of the situation I found myself bringing me close to an edge myself.
I worked Dustin's shaft with a bobbing head, sucking lips and twisting hand that matched the rhythm I was working against my clit with the hand buried in my jeans. I increased my pace, with Dustin's hand making sure I still brought myself far enough down his length as my own pleasure came more and more to the forefront as my now soaked vagina craved more attention. I popped off his cock as I felt it begin to swell and told him to stand up as I scooted back from the couch, kneeling between his legs, looking up at him as one hand held my jeans open while the other furiously rubbed my clit as I came close to cumming myself. I moaned for Dustin to cum for me as I looked up at him, the inner walls of my vagina clenching in orgasm as the filthy phrase left my lips and I was greeted with thick streams of cum shooting over my head before falling on my uplooking face and bare breasts and Dustin climaxed after an apparently decent dry spell.
I knelt between his legs, cum covering my face and chest, my own arousal soaking my panties and in that moment I felt like the hottest woman on earth. I made a man forget his entire world and do this with me in a home that wasn't mine but his. I was addicted to the rush. Dustin reached down and offered me a hand to pull me up. He led me topless to the guest bathroom where I cleaned up, washing my face and chest before walking back to the livingroom and redressing. Neither of us made mention of the line we had just crossed together, but we sat on the couch, now cuddled like a couple with the ice broken and finished the football game that had been forgotten awhile ago.
After the game we both agreed that I should probably get going, but we agreed to see eachother again and made a date for a midweek hangout. I kissed Dustin goodnight and drove back to my barracks in my still wet panties that I hadn't changed out of. I sent Dustin a snap in them, a wet spot still visible in the front with a caption "the things you do to me(; "...needless to say he was proud of himself. I went to bed dreaming of what could come from this, and truly happy to feel wanted, even if it was from a man who wasn't all mine.
Thank you all for reading this far. Again, like I said before, any rude comments will just get you a block. If that's what you need to do to feel good about yourself, so be it. For those of you who enjoyed this, please let me know if you'd like to read more! I'm always open to constructive feedback and critiques to improve my writing! Have a great evening! <3 Hannah

I know and do all the things and tricks. Dear god, I have all the visual prompts and reminders and systems in place, and even a LOVELY wife who reminds me of the things I need to do to survive. But like GOD. Why does it require SO MUCH.
Keeping this meat machine running is becoming a whole full time job. For context I have ADHD, ASD, Ehlers Danlos (Accompanied by bouts of Dysautonomia and POTS), and PMDD/PME meaning my PMS phase is EXTRA cooked turning me into a deep-fried werewolf half the month. Oh and i'm trans-nonbinary and have undergone top surgery and low dose testosterone....
So first off there's the BASICS OF LIFE eating breathing sleeping, homeostasis. WELL SOMETIMES MY BODY WONT DO IT AND I HAVE TO STEP IN.
Gotta feed myself every day multiple times a day. Sometimes body won't tell me i'm hungry until its too late. Repeated alarms get ignored /cause me misophonia and rage.
Gotta decide what to eat every time.
Gotta be mindful about getting good nutrition.
Gotta hope i haven't lost a safe food for some unknown reason wherein the sight smell idea and texture makes me suddenly go from pleasure to gagging.
Gotta have variety tho. Brain won't eat the same thing every day so there has to be a variety of "safe food" b/c ASD and "dopamine food" b/c ADHD available.
Gotta get groceries then too. But don't shop when you're hungry b/c thats how you blow the budget. It's worse on T b/c T makes me hungry as FUCK especially once we upped my dose( I'm actually going back down b/c this effect is UNBEARABLE. )
Gotta put water ON my body/clothes in the sun b/c I don't regulate my temperature.. I get cold when its less than 65' outside and overheat when its hotter than 78'.
Gotta wear and manage layers of clothing b/c of said inability to regulate temperature properly.
Gotta put water IN my body too but I don't know what thirst even feels like so i have to do it consciously or else I just....won't drink water. Which means....
Gotta keep enough water bottles of the RIGHT TYPE on hand b/c I just WONT drink out of a normal cup. I'll sip but to meet water need it's gotta be those chewy nip coleman bottles. don't ask me why maybe it's the mouthfeel ????
Gotta take drugs to regulate my HBP b/c i've got POTS. We actually suspect hyperadrenergic POTS b/c I respond well to Guanfacine and Clonidine and watesalt intake wasn't changing it.
Gotta take ALL MY MEDS EVERY DAY SAME TIME. Even with the autoreminder I miss it a lot especially if I flip it and forget to unflip it. or drop the batteries etc.
But if I take the POTS meds then the side effect is that if I forget the meds for even a DAY my body gets rebound effects which debilitate me worse than the POTS itself. So I stop taking the meds regularly and only take them as needed when I'm having more symptoms than usual.
Which is fine and dandy 2 weeks out of the month but the other 2 weeks .....fuck me.
Gotta batten down the hatches every month for werewolf week Because I have PMDD!! And I get POTS symptoms real bad during luteal phase b/c my body decides i'm a topsy tervy WEREWOLF???? and wants to crawl out of my skin. do all the drugs and bite my leg off/harm myself. So then i'm flippy, brain foggy, agitated anxious sensory overwhelmed and brutally insomniatic for 1-2 weeks EVERY MONTH.
Gotta remember tho take the gabapentin it really helps during wolf week. Whoop one more med to manage.
Gotta go to the pharmacy everywhenever. B/c of course they don't pill pack, or autoship and you take 2 controlled meds which must be picked up in person.
Now you might wonder....well why are you still having luteal phases if you're trans and on T? WELL B/C MY OVARIES JUST WONT QUIT. I'm in the male range for Testosterone even when I was at "low dose". My estrogen level is in the guttenearly undetectable but my body JUST KEEPS CYCLING. I even took nuvaring for 6 months no change. and I've tried two types of combo birth control and one makes me sex-repulsed/depressed and the other made me dysphoric and suidcidal. So now we're trying the POP. I don't think it'll work.... But its something to try. Also gotta take topical E for my hoo-ha b/c ....well I don't want atrophy. But that one seems to be treating me okay.
Gotta take my T shot every week and the topical finasteride every day. But T relieves my gender dysphoria significantly, reduces a lot of my PMDD SI/RAGE symptoms, and T is fantastic because it increases my muscle mass which reduced my joint slippage reducing pain? All good right?
Gotta see a derm b/c you're having a scarring alopecia flare up! But then that pesky scarring alopecia comes back. I had it before T, I actually had low T levels back then and i've been on finasteride my whole transition. It seems to run in my family. I've been symptom free for 7 years but something this year restarts the inflammatory process (probably surgery). Typical treatment is topical steroids and topical minoxidil. I have THREE cats. I will not kill my cats for my hair.
Gotta take the minoxidil now too. So they put me on oral minoxidil (and topical steroids). Which lowers my BP great but increases my HR not great. Now i'm constantly anxious about my HR my BP whether i'm fine or normal or having an episode or need to stop my treatment or restart it.
Gotta take more meds and see my GP. Great.
Gotta massage those top surgery scars every night. B/c mobility matters! Adhesions are bad. And the hEDS makes me scar like a weirdo. (hypertrophic and atrophic O.o) plus I want tattoos.
So lets assume i've managed the baseline physiological needs. Fed my body, watered my soul, sacrificed my cats to the three headed god of bendy elbows. Not having insomnia so bad the tech at your sleep study goes ....."is it always like this for you?".
Well then there's the psychological needs and problems.
Gotta take the ADHD meds or I literally won't get out of bed, will doomscroll for hours and watch my life fall apart.
Gotta take the SSRIs or else the crippling rumination, depression and obsessive body checking behaviors interrupt my life.
Gotta take Buspirone otherwise the SSRIS make me unable to orgasm and obliterates my sex drive. Thankfully my spouse's has also lowered these days due to her own meds so it's not causing conflict in the relationship like it used to. Sex is the only place in my life where I haven't experienced trauma and it's important to me personally as well for all the reasons.
Gotta work**.** Thats all i'll say there. b/c that is its own laundry list.
Gotta to do my accounting, pay bills etc.
Gotta do hygiene every single day 2x a day.
Gotta watch what I eat b/c i'm severely sensitive to gluten which limits eating out. So it's harder to do fun things with people/go out to eat with friends or order take-out.
Gotta remember to call/text my friends.
Gotta remember to call/text my father.
Gotta see all the fucking drs about all my fucking medical issues. Schedule and attend the appointments. Yes we hit our OOP MAX EVERY YEAR.
Gotta work out or else risk physical decompensation with increased joint subluxation or dislocations. And also for my MH/because I love acrobatics/aerials. I started decomping after surgery and the pain was atrocious and the injury cycle was beginning. I forgot just how fast the slipping happens.
Gotta attend to my loved ones. my wife and her needs, and my dog and my 3 cats.
Gotta clean the house, gotta wash the sheets, gotta treat the folliculitis infection I gave myself shaving, gotta tidy up after my hyperfixation projects and keep tidying my special interest projects.....
Gotta find/eliminate all the mold bombs regularly. b/c i'm horribly allergic to mold. So you know all the cups of coffee I didn't finish, hidden bowls of half eaten food lost under a shirt, or accidently left in on a bookshelf or in a bathroom, or orange peels dried too slowly or fruit in the fridge left a day too long....
Gotta get my blood drawn again for the 7th time this year.
Gotta schedule more medical tests.
Gotta let the ASD gods rule the weekend and worldbuild for 11 straight hours b/c I may be a sexless angelic demigod but hey at least I ENJOY my special interests again.
All this so that I don't fall apart. So I can get up, work, earn money, make friends, enjoy my special interests , care for myself and my wife and my cats and my dog , and hopefully live on past 30 without succumbing to either my demons or the inevitable progressive worsening of my physical disabilities.
Some days I just wanna be sedated.