Hard nodule after liposuction on thigh

Again, I KNOW, i need to talk to a therapist but appointments are hard to get so until then I need some reassurance to avoid another panic attack.
Located in USA, NJ
Last Tuesday/Wednesday, didn’t see or hear anything unusual in our home. I’m usually a light sleeper lately (last 9.5 months) since my son was born- typically wake up multiple times a night to check on him just out of habit at this point since he usually sleeps through the night.
Noticed at some point on Wednesday, not first thing in the morning, that he had two little dots on his face and looked like they had bled (later found tiny blood stains on the bed sheet). Didn’t think anything of it, babies get cuts, it happens. I was up super early that day around 4:15am to start work early - from home. Again didn’t notice anything. Around 5:30ish when I was in the bathroom next to the bedroom my son was in sleeping still, my two dogs were also in the room with him. One of the dogs barked, so i naturally yell at him because the baby is sleeping. He runs to me, i tell him to stop, he goes back in the room and barked again, then stopped. I didn’t go in to see why he was barking since my son didn’t wake up from it. Since i was up so early that day, when I got home from work i took a nap on the couch and when i woke up, my thigh was a bit itchy (if i remember correctly, now doubting myself) so i start scratching then realize there’s two little bumps. Bumps have a dot of blood on them, probably from the scratching? That’s when it hit me.
I realized what my marks look like and remembered what my sons look like and that my dog barked in the morning when he doesn’t typically bark that early or upstairs often. I looked at my husband and said ‘what if we were bit by a bat in our sleep, didn’t notice it and the dogs got to it before we could see?’ He looked at me like ‘are you serious’ - knowing that I’m petrified of bats.
We SEARCHED the house. Behind pictures on the walls (thanks google), in the attic, in the storage room, all over our room, nothing. No poop, no bat.
So my question to you all is (and please be nice as i’m very very aware of i have anxiety. It gets bad when the subject at hand is anything to do with bats) - is this scenario possible? A bat flew into our room at night, landed on our bed where we were sleeping and bit us then was able to scurry off the bed and hide without my dogs realizing until both my husband and i were out of the room, in which then caused my dog to bark. I was wearing sweatpants and using a blanket, and my son’s face (where his marks were) was next to mine. Would the bat have been able to get off the blanket? Or would its claws have gotten stuck and we would have seen or heard some sort of screeching?
If my dogs were trying to eat a bat, would we have heard screeching?
If a bat bit me through my blanket and pants, would i have holes or rips in them?
If a bat was on my son’s face biting him while next to me, would he have woken up and would i have woken?
I apologize for repetitive posts…but i have had a phobia of bats ever since i was a kid. Rabies phobia didn’t start until 8ish years ago when we woke to a bat in our room flying around and had to google what to do - thats when i learned about it.
**note, we live in the same house as when we had the bat years ago. That bat got in we believe from the chimney as we didn’t have a chimney cap at the time.
ETA: also became very nervous after a doctor looked at the marks on us and said to start PEP - it felt like a confirmation of what I explained above. Since Doctor administered HRIG again after already having it once in my life, will I now not be able to build the antibodies for rabies from the vaccines?
ETA#2: the distance between the points of my wound are 3/4inch.

My phone vibrated. As did my smartwatch. I glimpsed up from my laptop, which was sitting in my lap so I could go over my presentation again. I was in the car, my boss was driving and we were headed to a conference, where both of us were supposed to speak. We were traveling for more than 7 hours now due to numerous traffic jams on our way.
Looking at my watch, I saw, it was the doorbell which caused the vibration. Already distracted from my presentation I pulled out my phone. Opening the doorbell app, I just so see, that my wife asks Becky, our young black dogsitter with her DD boobs into the house. "Curious" I thought, my wife hadn't told me, she wanted to go out that evening. It was a Tuesday, so it was her usual day for her Zumba class, but that would have meant leaving the dogs alone for about 1 and a half hours, so no need for a dogsitter. However, judging from what little I had seen, Becky was wearing an extremely short black latex skirt and a minimalist latex crop top, the full outfit barely covering her tits, ass and pussy. In addition to a black leather collar, it looked like my wife had ordered her in with other stuff in mind than just watching the dogs, even if there was the possibility, Becky's outfit was just due to the 30+ degree heatwave we were having.
A few minutes later, my phone vibrated again. It was a text from my wife. "Heading out to Zumba". She followed it up with a picture of her in her sports dress. Due to the heat she only wore tight short pants, a very tight revealing top and her sports bra. So her petite size combined with her chubby figure and her big tits were easy to spot. "Looking great" I answered. "Have fun, love you". "You have any plans later?" She asked. "No" I answered. "I won't be able to make it to swimming today. I'm not even at the hotel yet. So just dinner with my boss and then I will head for the bed." I replied. "Ok" was the only answer I got.
My boss and I checked into the hotel and found a place to eat, when I got another message from my wife. It was a shower selfie from the gym, showing her having her tits soaped up. I had to make sure, nobody saw my developing boner below a napkin. And this was also unusual, as my wife normally prefers to shower at home. What did she have planned. "Going out?" I asked her. I didn't get an answer for a while. Then I got another selfie. My wife was now wearing a long, tight, black PU skirt, and a black leather corsage, which was barely able to keep her G-Cups inside. She also had makeup on and her black hair with a tint of red worked perfectly with her black lipstick. A second picture showed, that she did not wear panties, but a buttplug. "Gonna surprise Becky" was her answer to my previous question. "Let's check whether she obeyed" was the next text I got, before I had an incoming videocall from the group my wife had created for the three of us. I excused myself from the table and left the table, while keeping the lid of my phone case closed. I took a Bluetooth headset out of my pocket and went outside to take the call. As soon as I did, I had to hold my breath. My wife held up her phone in her car in a way, that Becky and I had perfect view of her cleavage, while Becky was clearly sitting on our terrace, wearing the earlier described outfit, her legs spread apart and her camera clearly showing that she also had inserted a buttplug and additionally a vibrator in her pussy, pleasuring herself. From her position I could see, that there was a very slim, but not zero chance she could be seen by a passing neighbor. "Good girl" I heard my wife's voice. "Expect me home in 20 minutes. Keep going with the vibrator but do not come before I'm home or you will regret it". "Yes Madam" was Becky's answer. "Now put on a show for my husband" my wife again commanded. I watched the vibrator going in and out her pink pussy, which contrasted nicely with her chocolate skin, before commanding her, to take down her top, revealing her double D's to the camera (and potentially the neighbors). She was hesitant at first. "I will tell my wife of your disobedience" was all I had to say. However, as much as I loved the show, I could not watch it till the end, as my boss now also came out of the restaurant, having paid the bill. So I cut the connection and we went on our way to the hotel.
When we arrived at the hotel, my boss asked, whether we wanted to go for a drink at the bar. At the same time, my wife had already sent me a selfie with our car on the garage and her playing on her pussy, presumably watching Becky somehow. "Are you ready to watch" was the caption. So I thanked my boss again for the dinner and excused myself to my hotel room. "Give me a couple of minutes" was my answer to my wife. "Hurry up" she wrote, accompanied by a picture below her skirt, showing her pink pussy and her fluids already flowing down her legs. I quickly setup my tablet and connected it to the WIFI. While I was doing this I received several messages from my wife. The first one was a picture, showing a top view into her corsage, showing clearly, that it was unable to really tame her tits, with her areolas already visible. If a neighbor saw her on the way from the car to the house, he would have quite a look. I was secretly hoping for that to happen. I know some of the neighbors had already checked out Becky or other visitors to our house when they arrived in playtime "clothes" but my wife so far had mostly gone unnoticed by the neighbors. The second picture was a screenshot from one of our bedroom cameras on my wife's phone, showing Becky, lying on her back, her tits once again hidden by her latex top, her legs spread wide open towards the camera. Her skirt had moved upwards and was lying on her hips. The buttplug was replaced by a vibrator, and she also had a vibrator inserted into her pussy. I admired once again the contrast of her pink flesh to the dark chocolate color of her body. "I have the remotes" my wife wrote with a winking emoji. "Hurry up, I'm horny". "Me too" I thought, "and it's not helping that you send me these pictures". Finally I had an internet connection ready and connected onto our home VPN to access the cameras. "I'm in" I wrote to my wife. "Going in" was her answer.
While I waited for my wife to appear, I watched Becky on the tablet. She was still pretty much in the same pose as before and I could only imagine, that she was in this pose, because my wife had ordered her so. She really loved to submit herself to both of us, what made the evenings with her fun. Suddenly I could see her shiver and heard hear moans getting louder. I could see her fighting, but ultimately losing the fight against her orgasm, induced by the two vibrators in her pussy and ass, controlled by my wife. Only a few seconds later I hear high heels coming up the stairs and my wife entering the room. She had added black, knee high leather boots to her already seducing outfit and held a small whip in her hand. I saw Becky's eyes widen, it was a mixture of lust and fear. "You know you can tell me to stop at any time if it is too much," my wife said ."It is fine, I dreamed about playing with a whip, just haven't done it yet. But please be gentle, "was Becky's answer. "Did I stutter, when I told you not to come?" My wife now said in a fake angry voice. She followed it up with a lash onto her top and the boob below. I could hear the sound and I saw Becky flinch for a split-second. But her eyes told, that she was okay with what happened. "Sorry Madam. It was just to much pleasure you gave me with the vibrators," Becky whispered. "So now this is my fault you cannot control yourself?" My wife asked while still faking anger, followed by a lash onto the other boob. "No Madam, I did not obey your orders. What can I do to make it up?" "That will be up to me, I already have some ideas." My wife said to her, while she positioned a few whiplashes around Becky's pussy. You could already see the mixture of pain and lust in Becky's eyes.
From the messages before, and the show I got on camera my cock was already more than rock hard and I hurried to get rid off my pants and boxers, to release the pain this was causing me. That was when I realized, the blinds were still open, so I corrected this mistake quickly. No need to be seen masturbating in a conference hotel.
On my screen the action now got more intense. "Why are you still dressed?" My wife asked. I laughed out, because the short top and the extremely short skirt that was already hanging on Becky's hips could barely be counted as dressed, as she didn't even wear any underwear. "Get these skimpy clothes of your body" was the next command. To reinforce this statement two whiplashes onto each boob were added. Becky quickly got up, robbing me of the view between her legs and wanted to pull her top over her head, her back to my wife and the camera. She was interrupted by a whiplash onto her ass, as the skirt still was hanging on her hips. This time my wife seemingly had put more force into it, as for a short time you could see the impact on Becky's chocolate skin. "No need to hide. Make it a show for me and the camera". Becky obeyed. She turned around and started pulling up her top above her DD tits, covering them with her hands, playing a little bit by pushing them left right and up and down before performing a boob drop and finally pushing her top over her head. She let it turn around one of her fingers before throwing it on the general direction of my wife. While her boobs are a lot smaller than my wife's G-Cups, due to her taller but skinnier stature and chocolate color, those were my second favorite boobs. Her areolas were forward facing and she had quite a gap in between them. And they looked incredibly sexy in the current lighting, bouncing with every of Becky's movements. My wife nodded approvingly. Afterwards Becky started pulling down her skirt while moving laszivly. Her boobs and her hips moving while she slowly hid her pussy before revealing it again. She got down on her knees, spreading her legs for my wife and me before she got out of the skirt, pushed it aside and got up again. Unfortunately for her, the vibrator fell out of her pussy during this movement. A second later she got another whiplash on her pussy. "Did I tell you to loose the vibrator?" My wife said in a harsh voice. "No Madam." Becky said, lowering her head. "Well, then pick it up and put it where it belongs again. Becky started bending her knees and lowering her back, when she was once again interrupted by a whiplash targeted at her right tit. "Not like that. Turn around and bend over, we want to see your ass." I think I caught a short grin on Becky's face. She definitely did not mind what my wife did to her. She turned around, spread her legs so I would be able to see her face and upper body between them, bent over, wiggled with her ass, which of course also caused her tits to wiggle in front of her face. This of course also revealed the vibrator in her butt. Just when Becky had her fingers on the vibrator on the floor I could hear her moan and saw her legs shaking. My wife now stood besides her, facing the camera holding the remote in the hand that did not hold the whip. With shaking hands from arousal Becky tried to take up the vibrator again, and just when her fingers were there, my wife increased the intensity with the remote again, leading to Becky losing control and collapsing on the floor. As soon as her body hit the floor another whiplash hit her ass. "Am I talking incomprehensibly? You are not to come without my permission and you are asked to get this vibrator into your worthless pussy while showing your fucking ass. What is so hard about that?" While talking, my wife added additional whiplashes onto her ass with a couple of them also hitting the pussy area. "I'm sick of this, now get your worthless body onto the bed and open your legs to the camera". "Yes Madam" was the only answer from Becky. When she got up I glimpsed a look in her face and saw it was pure lust, despite the pain.
Up until now I had started playing with myself. The view and sound on my tablet were just to arousing. I realized, that I was already close to cumming, but there would be more action for me to watch. Nevertheless I couldn't stop, and a few quick strokes and I came in 3 high squirts over my upper body. In the meanwhile the action on the screen continued.
As ordered, Becky lay down as she had been before only now her tits were also clearly visible on camera. My wife bent down herself, making sure I got a good show and picked up the vibrator Becky had failed to pick up twice. She shoved it into Becky's pussy again, before she used the remote again to set both vibrators in Becky's ass an pussy to their lowest setting again. Becky's pelvis moved, as the overstimulation was to much again. My wife once again addressed her: "This should be about me, not you! Time you put your body to some use. Now get me out of my skirt." She ordered, standing next to the bed, with her ass to the camera. Becky sat up, her open pussy still facing the camera and giving me a prime look at her tits. She undid my wife's belt and started pulling down the skirt. My wife supported this with very erotic moves and just a few seconds later I had the perfect view onto the greatest ass in the galaxy. The right roundness, perfect size, perfect shape and feel and just overall perfect for me. My wife pushed Becky back onto the bed, while at the same time bending over, revealing the buttplug and vibrator she had in herself. This movement was also to much for her corsage and her tits fell out. "Make yourself useful and suck on my tits!" was her next command, to which Becky promptly obeyed while my wife made quite a show out of removing the vibrator from her pussy. She spread her legs, shaking that great ass and slowly pulled out the vibrator millimeter by millimeter and pushing it in 5 millimeters in again for every 10 millimeters she had pulled it out. When she was done, she climbed onto the bed sat up and pushed Becky's upper body down. She then climbed over Becky's face and began riding on her face. Becky understood what to do and gave her best to luck my wife's pussy. My wife's boobs jumped around on her chest, which made her abandon her whip and she started massaging and playing with them, while leaning slightly backwards. This gave me a great view and made me hard again in an instant. Also due to my wife's movements on the bed, Becky's tits started to wiggle, but she needed her hands to ensure my wife's thighs had sufficient space in between for her not to suffocate. This got more and more difficult, as my wife quickly approached her orgasm. It took her less than 2 minutes before she collapsed forward, her face more or less falling onto Becky's pussy. My wife catched her breath for half a minute or so, before she pulled herself up again, grabbed her whip and climbed down from Becky. Becky's face was covered in my wife's fluids, it almost looked like my wife had squirted onto Becky's face. Becky also sat up and catched her breath.
My wife held up Becky's face by placing her whip below her chin. "Good girl, seems like you are good for something. I think you have earned some reward." She said and gave Becky two gentle whiplashes onto her nipples, which made Becky moan again. My wife bent down beside the bed, showing me her great ass with the buttplug again and opened our toy drawer. She grabbed a blindfold and tossed it to Becky. "Put that on, and get on your knees, face to the camera." Becky went on her knees and elbows, what resulted in a harsh whiplash on her ass. "On your hands, not your elbows" and as Becky took to long for her liking, a second whiplash followed. Now Becky obeyed and stayed more upright. Next my wife went, and repositioned the camera, so now the camera was low enough to look between Becky's legs. Next, my wife pulls out a dual vibrator we had bought recently. She inserted the short part as advertised into her vagina and went behind Becky. She then removed the vibrators from Becky's pussy and ass and slowly started to insert the long part of the double vibrator into Becky's pussy. I was able to see Becky's surprised look through the blindfold, as my wife's pelvis touched Becky's ass and she realized, what was happening. The next surprise came, when my wife activated the vibrations and started fucking her Doggystyle. I was almost in heaven. Seeing a pair of DD tits bouncing in the big picture, and my wife's G-Cups also bouncing in the background while my wife grabbed Becky by the hips and gave her a pounding was an absolutely fantastic view. This went on for about 10 minutes, with me wanking of in my hotel bed, my wife pounding the dogsitter Doggystyle and the dogsitter moaning loudly. It seemed, the double vibrator had some kind of burst mode, as both women increased and decreased their volume in regular intervals. After 10 minutes the two women collapsed over each other from their orgasm and I also came again.
After everyone had catched their breath again, my wife told Becky she could go home now, she would still make the last train even with some time to wash herself. After Becky was gone, my wife and myself had video call under our showers. After that we said goodnight. My wife told me, to have fun on the conference reception the next day, but to not forget my camera...

warning: long post
i (f22) had a huge fight with my mom a few nights ago. here's what happened: i was working till late at night and my mom asked if i wanted some noodles. i said yes. she came into my room and brought me the noodles. i went outside my room to take some water. i was hungry, so i wanted to eat right away. but then she made a comment on my body, told me that i was becoming fatter. for the past year, i have become very sensitive about my body image, and i have been consulting with a therapist about this. but still, comments on my body easily triggers me. i responded to hear briefly, and then went back to my room. but then the sight of the food made me really nauseous, so i put it away, outside of my room. thinking maybe i can save it for later when i feel better about it. i locked my door, and i cried a little. but then, my mom comes, banging on my door, yelling at me to open my door, and starts yelling about how im ungrateful, and starts cursing me. telling me that i'll regret it. she said a lot more things, but i couldn't hear it since my body completely shut down (out of fear, i guess). i froze and could only cover my ears. she said something along the lines of wanting to call my boyfriend and telling him to stop dating me.
i freaked out. i called my boyfriend and cried hysterically about this, and all my negative thoughts came to the surface. i started scratching my thighs real hard to the point it was definitely self harming, and i started to tell him i wanted to die. he panicked, and started to call my sister (f30, lives in the same house). my sister came down to talk to me and knocked on my door. i wanted to open the door, but my body didnt want to listen to me. i just froze and cried.
i heard yelling from the other room, which turned out to be my sister telling my mom off.
silence. i had a mental breakdown.
my mom came banging on my door again. even worse yelling now. start cursing me again. she started telling me that if i wont open the door, then i wont get to call her "mom" again. i mustered up all the strength i have left and opened the door. a little part in me wished she would calm down and listen to me. she didn't. it became worse once she was inside. she told me "you want me to die so bad, huh? i hope i die tomorrow so you'll be happy!!! you're insane!! you're clearly sick in the head! why are you behaving like a child? just see, i'll die tomorrow and you'll see!" she definitely said a lot more. i covered my ears again, all while crying hysterically. she then stormed out of my room and i guess she cried in her room. my brother (m27) started saying i should go apologize since she's the parent and I'm the child. i only calmed down once my sister and my dad started trying to calm me down and gave me water.
my mom has been ignoring me for 3 days. didn't even want to see in my direction. i tried talking to her (telling her i'm leaving the house) but she acted like i was a ghost. now i'm not sure what to do. i'm scared to apologize because last time we fought, i tried apologizing but she ignored me with my hand still in the air. it really broke me that time. i'm scared of the thought it might happen again.
tl;dr: mom got mad at me for not wanting to eat the food she made after she called me fat. has been ignoring me after yelling and cursing at me, and calling me sick in the head.

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and his rakish nature might have broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
From the corner of my eye. I could see Dennis shifting uncomfortably. I refused to look directly at him, neglected to acknowledge Flo's introduction and continued to converse only with her. "So glad to see you, too! What have you been up to since we left the woods?"
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Oh, I had some drama after the show closed. I'll have to tell you about it some other time... Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel... excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled.) You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed a bit of concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. "Ohhhhh," he groaned, "I got you soooo sticky. So sweet. So moist." And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently as he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

i applied for disability in July of 2022 (i have autism and also something physically wrong with my knee but my doctor hasn't figured out what it actually is yet.)
after over a year of going back and forth with the stupid disability place and them sending me packets upon packets or the stupidest questions and me filling them out and sending it back and phone calls and a meeting with a psychiatrist and all kinds of jumping through hoops, they denied it. my autism was diagnosed when i was a toddler and they told me i most likely won't get disability without an updated diagnosis, like they think autism is just something i can outgrow or something.
well, the whole time I've been dealing with them I've also been trying to get refered somewhere to get an updated autism diagnosis but it's very hard to find someone who will diagnose adults, is close enough for me to actually go to (because diagnoses like that usually take multiple appointments), takes my insurance, and doesn't have a 2+ year waiting list. my doctor found me one single place that actually met the criteria (it still had like a 3 year waiting list but beggers cant be choosers) and sent a referral for me but they just never got back to my doctor or me because I also called and asked about it. I've also been doing blood work and x rays and physical therapy and trying really hard to figure out what's wrong with my knee but nothing has come up yet so I'm still just suffering with that.
Well, i appealed the disability thing, they sent it to a judge cause that was the next step, i had a hearing with a judge and a job expert and the judge asked me why i felt like i couldn't work and i literally had a breakdown and cried and told him how i had one job before and it was a super basic job at goodwill working in the back sorting books and not dealing with the public but I still couldn't handle it. I explained how working that job made my knee swell up and be in near constant pain and how the job (working barely 10 hours a week) made me so exhausted that I literally couldn't function outside of work. I would go to work, come home, sleep until my next shift and repeat. I felt like a zombie. The only time I would function was the weekends (barely) and all of that energy and time would be spent on meal prepping for the week so I wouldn't starve because I knew I wouldn't have the energy to make food, and I would do the dishes that piled up all week and sometimes if I had enough energy I would even shower on the weekends. I was so depressed and exhausted and not functioning outside of work at all and one day I woke up at 6 am to my alarm for work and i decided I was either going to quit my job or I was going to off myself and i had the self awareness to quit my job instead of trying to delete myself. and i had such a big meltdown and told all of this to the judge and more. and then i had to sit there, still crying and trying to collect myself while the judge talked with the fricken job expert about how many 'low effort, readily available jobs' HYPOTHETICALLY could exist in my town (this was all based on some bullshit guestimating math equation instead of realistic research into the topic) and then he had the audacity to tell me he "wasn't sure" and "needed time to think about it" just to take 3 fricken months to send me a letter denying my case again because, according to their stupid bullshit, i participated in "substantial gainful activity" (the one job i worked for 3 months and quit so I wouldn't commit unalive) therefore i "can't be disabled."
and it just felt like a spit in the face. like this man really listened to me have a mental breakdown about how the easiest job i could find, working 2-3 hours a day 3 days a week, made me so depressed and nonfunctionial that i was about one more shift away from taking myself off this planet and how my knee hurt so bad i literally just wanted to cut my leg off right above it if it would make the pain stop, and about my autism and how i don't feel like a human i just feel like i was shoved into a human suit and thrown on my ass like 'good luck, figure it out.' and he really listened to all that and still decided that 'im not disabled.' and 'theres plenty of jobs I can do, I just have to find one.' like I'm so stressed and depressed and worried about money constantly that I barely have the capacity to take on anything else, let alone another job that's gonna make me wanna blow my brains out again. I got the letter today and I've cried like 3 times about it because it really feels like I'm already down on the ground and he just decided to kick me with spikey steel toed boots.
I have one more appeal left, where it goes to a disability council (whatever that means) and their options are 1. deny it (most likely to happen) 2. send it back to the judge to 'look at it again' (basically guaranteed for it to get denied) 3. approve it (very very highly unlikely) or 4. throw it out (why is that even an option? That's so stupid) so its like an 80%+ chance of it getting denied from here, and if it gets denied at this point then i have to start all over and the last two years of waiting and hoops and paperwork and crying and pain and feeling like a puppet on display trying to "prove I'm disabled" will just mean literally nothing. And that's a really depressing thing to think about, that the last 2 years of my time and effort and humiliation were basically for nothing.
Besides that, if it gets denied again and I have to start all over, and there's no point in even doing that unless i can get new 'evidence' (like an updated autism diagnosis, which I can't because the one place thats close enough, takes my insurance, and actually tests adults, has a 2+ year waiting list and also won't fricken get back to me about even getting me on that stupid waiting list) and even if I do get an updated diagnosis, they can still deny me disability. I hate this so much.
I feel like a giant brick wall has fallen on top of me. I'm so exhausted mentally and I'm so stressed and I'm so tired of worrying about money and not being able to buy things i need and just barely surviving and I'm just so exhausted of it all. i live with my boyfriend and he has disability and it all goes to the bills and stuff so we have water and power and things, but most times we don't have cleaning supplies or toilet paper or things like that because we don't have the money for it. we only have food because we have foodstamps. I've had my whole wardrobe since highschool and I'm down to 2 pairs of shorts and 3 pairs of leggings because they all rip at the thighs after a while and I'm running out but I don't have money for clothes, y'know? And my boyfriends mom owns the house we live in (she bought it so he wouldn't have to worry about rent and stuff, but then told him he has to pay her back rent for all the years he's been here when he has the money) and she recently told me that when/if i get on disability she expects back rent from me all the way from 2021, which would be like $20,000 at this point and that number just keeps building and it feels like a giant tower looming over me. I don't feel like I'm living, I feel like I'm just barely surviving. And i know there are people out there that have bigger worries then running out of toothpaste and shampoo and not being able to afford more, but like. It's still very real worries I have and I just feel like garbage about it and I'm constantly worried about money and it's just so exhausting.
And to have someone look at me and disect my situation and basically tell me that I'm "not disabled" and basically that I dont deserve money that would help me possibly survive is like a punch in the gut. It hurts, a lot. And I'm so exhausted and upset and frustrated and i really don't know what to do anymore, about any of this stuff.

"We're your mates." Mates? Six mates? How could it be?! "Wait a minute... you said all of you. That's not how mates work. Fated mates are two people, not an entire harem." I hissed as I shook my head. "This conversation is ridiculous because it's not real." Silence filled the space between us for several long seconds. "You really want us to leave?" My stomach twisted at his words. We just met, and yet he sounded devastated as he asked the question. I silently cursed myself for causing the change I heard. If I was a better person, I would say something else. "Yes." "Fine, we'll leave, but only on one condition. Buss each one of us. Then, if you feel nothing, we'll walk out of here without protest." ———————— I would die in this very spot, and no one would have a clue. Six hours... I'd been trapped under this pile of random things for six hours. My hips and back ached from how long I'd been stuck in this exact position. I'd tried everything I could think of, but the massive pile of unknown stuff never moved. Something heavy had landed on my back, keeping me pinned face down on scattered newspapers and the occasional book. How did I know there were books when I couldn't see them? Because of the sharp corners stabbing into me. If that level of depressing suckage wasn't enough, I had to pee. My bladder hurt... felt like it was about to burst. Because of course, the first time I decided to drink spirits, I'd end up faced and trapped under a pile of a hoarder's treasure. To relieve some of the pressure off my cheek, I dug my shoulder into the newspaper floor and tilted my head until my forehead pressed against the mess underneath me. The small amount of relief I felt from the change of position was enough to stop me from going insane. For now. Ding dong. "You've got to be shitting me." I grumbled into the ancient newspapers. Someone at the door wouldn't matter. I couldn't get off the floor... erm, pile of stuff that acted as a floor, to answer the door. Whoever was on the other side would eventually think someone wasn't home and leave. And so would my only chance at being rescued. "Ha." I couldn't stop the sarcastic laugh from escaping. Even if they did come in, whoever they were wouldn't want to sign up for this insanity. I didn't even want to deal with this nightmare my life had become. Thanks mom. Ding dong. Ding dong. Who rang the doorbell multiple times? Seriously, just go away and let me die. Sure, I would be in the hall of shame for dumb ways to go, but I'd already accepted my fate. Not only would I die in one of the most embarrassing ways in history, I'd go with the dullest life experiences. Why? Because I'd always done what I was supposed to do... every single expectation my parents had, I jumped at the chance to please them. I was an idiot. A boring, lame, not once destined to save the world, sheltered little girl that grew in an inexperienced woman. My life was pathetic. "Parker, are you okay?" The deep voice sent shivers through me. I imagined this unknown man growling in my ear. Then my senses came back to me. While I was on the verge of being crushed to death, someone had broken into my house. Great, just what I needed. Good luck mister robber. If you can find anything valuable, then you deserved it. The logical side of my brain caught up to current events. First thing, a robber wouldn't call out my name as he broke into my house. Second, I didn't know anyone with a voice so delicious... uh, I meant distinct. Yeah. Should I respond or hope they gave up and left? My mother would have insisted I remain silent. Her voice slid through my memory. "Men were a distraction to a woman's career." I rolled my eyes at the phrase she'd said throughout my childhood and even after I'd moved out on my own. If I was going to leave this world, it would be after doing something ridiculous. I'd call the man with the delicious voice over, then I could die from embarrassment. "I'm over here!" What I'd intended to be a shout came out more as a breathy moan. I barely had room to breathe. It seemed shouting was impossible. A burning hot pain shot through my neck as I tried to turn my head to see the footsteps that approached. Nope, that wasn't going to happen. My mysterious, silver tongued hero or burglar's looks would have to remain a mystery just a bit longer. "Over here!" Just like last time, his voice made me shudder. With a voice like that, the man had to be hot. I hoped he had a beard... and tattoos. Not only would it make my mother roll in her grave, I'd always loved looking at burly, tatted up, bearded guys. Add in hair that was long enough to pull and I couldn't think of a good reason to ever leave the house. The crushing weight finally lifted off me. I sucked in a deep breath, then immediately regretted it as I choked on the oxygen. My lungs seized as the rush of air shocked them. Hands grabbed my arms and shoulders, then the world tilted as they lifted me to my feet. I bent over and grabbed my knees as my equilibrium spun. Hands patted my back, helping me calm. Actually, there were more than two hands. I counted enough to equal three people. When I got my breathing under control, I dared follow the black boots that stood at the top of my vision. My gaze slid up, taking in black cargo pants that rode low on a pair of hips. Further up, a black tactical vest contained... bottles of cleaning solution. What the heck? The moment I went full vertical, my balance tilted again. I stepped back to catch myself. In front of me stood a massive man, the kind I had to look up to just to catch a view of his chin... his bearded chin. My fingers itched with the need to touch it. I didn't. It would be weird to stroke a hot stranger's beard. Wouldn't it? I shook my head. Of course it would be weird. I turned, taking in the four men and one woman standing all around me. The sound of newspapers sliding preceding my right foot slid out from underneath me. The giant of a man caught me before I fell on my hips in front of everyone. They all wore similar black tactical gear with cleaning supplies. Colorful bottles of solution, a duster, a roll of trash bags, and... was that a broom and a mop with shoulder straps? Who were these people? "Parker, are you okay?" The deliciously deep voice asked from behind me. After a few tries, I accepted the fact that I was speechless. My brain nudged at me, telling me I'd missed a crucial detail. Every brain cell misfired as I looked them over again. Correction, five of them wore black tactical gear. Every single one of them was drop dead gorgeous, and it made me feel out of place. One of the guys stood off to the side with his arms crossed over his chest. I blinked. No, that couldn't be right. I blinked again, but the sight stayed the same. A man stood taller than those closest to him. Peeking over his crossed arms was a ruffled white fabric with black lace woven through it and tied in a bow. There was even a small scattering of chest hair sticking over the edge. The hem of the skirt ended well above his knee, revealing a tattoo that covered his entire right thigh. My gaze traveled up to his face. A plush black beard contrasted with the skimpy maid's outfit he wore. "I..." Words failed me again. I gestured to the man whose outfit didn't fit the others. He rolled his eyes as he tightened his grip on his arms. "They thought it would be funny to prank me. Did you know, not only did they buy this ridiculous outfit, they stole the rest of my clothes, so I'd have to wear this?" "Uh, no. I don't even know who all of you are." For whatever reason, it hadn't dawned on me that all these incredibly attractive people were standing in my house. Like inside, where they could take in the horror of what my mother left me to inherit. Mortification slammed into me. They'd seen the awful mess. "You all need to leave." "Parker?" The burly man's voice from behind me caught my attention. He waited until I turned around to continue. "You don't remember asking us to come here, do you?" Ice slid down my spine. I'd been pretty drunk last night, but since I'd never had spirits before and I'd decided to take shots of everything in my mother's 'social hour' cabinet, I wasn't even surprised I'd woken up with a hangover. "How much did you have to drink last night?" "Seeing how I'm awake now, apparently not enough. Who are you, and how do you know me?" The man bared his teeth at me, making a sound that I could only describe as a hiss. "Never again. From now on, if you need something, you ask us." I dismissed him with a wave of my hand. "Why would I ask you anything?" "Because we're your mates." Hard stop. Mates? A giddy feeling in my belly told me he didn't mean a friend. I held a finger up for him to give me a minute. A sharp pain slid through my abdomen, reminding me I had yet to relieve myself after my drunken night of mistakes. One of the other men spoke up. "I know it's a lot to take in, and you're probably really confused, but we are all your fated mates." I'd read enough werewolf romance novels to know what they meant, and they were dead wrong. Shifters weren't real. "Yeah mate, tell us what you need, and we'll get it for you." "I need to pee." And with that, I stomped out to the nearest bathroom and locked myself inside. Why wouldn't the ground open and swallow me whole? I sat on the bathroom floor with my back propped against the wall and hugged my legs to my chest as I rested my forehead on my knees. Not only had people witnessed the horror I lived in, but they had to be the hottest people in the world. Even the woman had made me look twice and left me shoving a deeper desire I refuse to even consider right now. Knock, knock. "Parker?" It was the giant of a man's voice. Why couldn't they leave so I could be alone? "Go away." I heard sounds on the other side of the door that sounded like he'd sat on the floor. "Come out and talk to us." I pressed my forehead against my knee harder, trying to ignore the giant bearded intercourse god. "Or, just talk to me. We're worried about you." My chest seized as I forced myself to take a deep breath. Irrational anger surged inside of me. Why didn't they understand I didn't want them here? "You don't even know me." The sound of his deep chuckle sent a warm wave of desire through me. Stupid hormones. "Twenty-four hours ago, I would have agreed with you. After last night, I feel like I know you on a level most others never will." What did I do last night? I still couldn't remember what I'd done. I swore to myself I'd never drink again. "It was all lies." "Why are you trying to push us away? What would be so wrong with letting someone in to help for once?" Memories of my parents’ fighting came back to me. It was my tenth birthday. When my dad found out my mom bought a cake for my birthday, he'd attacked her. Everything was a blur until he'd pinned her against the wall. She held a knife to his crotch and threatened him. He'd left and never returned that day. My mind shut down, preventing me from thinking about it any longer. "Because I can't afford to pay you and no one does anything out of the kindness of their heart." I couldn't keep the sarcastic tone out of my voice as I said it. "Parker, you're missing a vital part of this dynamic." Silently, I chanted over and over for him to not use the word mates again. It couldn't be real. Paranormal romance novels weren't real... neither were shifters nor the perfect person walking into my life and devoting themselves to me. That was a fairytale, not reality. "Mates. Just to see a smile cross your lips, I'd clean this entire property. Throw in the others, and we'd do anything to see you happy." He tapped something on the door. "I can scent your annoyance through the door." "Wait a minute... you said all of you. That's not how mates work. Fated mates are two people, not an entire harem." I hissed as I shook my head. "This conversation is ridiculous because it's not real." Silence filled the space between us for several long seconds. "You really want us to leave?" My stomach twisted at his words. We just met, and yet he sounded devastated as he asked the question. I silently cursed myself for causing the change I heard. If I was a better person, I would say something else. "Yes." "Fine, we'll leave, but only on one condition. Buss each one of us. Then, if you feel nothing, we'll walk out of here without protest." I banged my head on my knee. That wouldn't work. They weren't even in the room with me and I already felt things. No way could I buss even one of them without having a reaction. "No." "Is that because you already know what I'm saying is true, or are you just being stubborn?" Before I could think about why he had said it, I jumped up and threw the door open to glare at him. "Are you always a jerk?" The confidence disappeared as I looked up into his eyes. He grabbed the doorknob and pulled it closed behind me, pushing me against him in the process. His gaze locked on mine as he lowered his head until we were almost bussing. "Never, but I'm not above riling you up to help give you the boost you need to confront a situation with confidence." Now that he was so close, I couldn't remember why I'd locked myself in the bathroom. Everything around us disappeared except the door his hard body pressed me against. His free hand caressed my cheek. "Can you genuinely tell me you don't feel the bond trying to form between us?" I clamped my jaw closed. If I didn't admit it out loud, then it wasn't real, but he was right. I could feel a... connection to him and the others. It didn't make sense, and I might not want it, but was most definitely there. His lips brushed against mine ever so slightly, sending a wave of fire through me. I gripped the straps of his black tactical vest to pull him closer, but he didn't budge. He chuckled as he moved from my lips to my ear. "Mate, if I buss you, I won't stop until you're mine. It might not be today or tomorrow, but I will claim you and make you mine." "And if I say we're not mates?" "Your mouth might lie, but your body and soul can't." I heard him inhale deep at my neck. "I can smell your need to claim me. It fills my senses until it's all I can think about. I've just found you and already you've consumed my entire world." It was bizarre, but I completely understood what he meant. Somewhere deep down inside of me, the idea of kicking out even one of them left me feeling raw. Six mates... and one of them was a woman. I'd known I was attracted to both genders from a young age, but I'd always locked that part of me away. My mom flipped at the idea of me dating a single man. I couldn't even fathom how hard she was rolling over in her grave at having six lovers. It was so much to process. "Come on, let's go back to the others." His voice pulled me back to reality. "Not yet." Suddenly, I didn't want to move. When I felt his body pull back, I gripped his vest tighter. My gut twisted as I decided to throw a lifetime of caution out the window. "buss me." He growled deep in his chest as his hands slid down my sides until he cupped my hips. A squeal of surprise escaped me as he lifted me up, then held me against his chest as he pressed me against the door. "You're mine... ours." Then his buss consumed me, mind, body, and soul. It felt as if our life forces bonded together. The mere thought of letting go of this man became too much. It was in that moment I realized I'd screwed up. I'd never be able to give him up, or the others, without ripping my own heart from my chest. I regretted so much in my life. What was one more? I sank my hands into his hair, gripping it at the roots, and tilted his head back. Our buss broke. A smug satisfaction slid through me when I realized he was breathing as hard as I was, but I wasn't done throwing out stupid rules my mother had forced on me. I pulled his head until I'd exposed his neck. The edge of a tribal tattoo peeked out under his shirt. I trailed the tip of my tongue along the dark lines, then bussed a trail along his neck. He moved until only one hand cupped my hips. His other hand caressed the back of my neck, urging me to do whatever I wanted to him. I tightened my legs around his waist, lifting myself higher as my busses moved along the edge of his beard. "That is hot." Another man's voice made it through my lusty fog. "Yeah, can't wait until it's my turn." Someone else said. I pulled back and realized my five other mates were watching us make out. All of them had a hunger in their eyes I'd never seen before...

I’ve been breastfeeding and pumping for almost 10 months and have had clogged ducts and mastitis in the first 2 months, in mainly my left breast. My breasts have felt pretty soft since the early days of BF. Recently, when I was pressing down on my left breast tissue (lower half, the fatty half), I feel many small knobs that aren’t “mastitis hard”, more like a patch of balls that could be moved around between 2 fingers. It’s not a single lump either, which is what I felt before when I had a clogged duct, but many ropes with nodules. They aren’t painful either. I’m just alarmed because I don’t feel them in my other breast. I went to my OB today and she ordered ultrasound and mammograms for me. I’m just worried in the meantime and I’m wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar ? Are these clogged ducts (can I get them after my production has regulated?), or something else?

Listen, ladies. This topic thread has become depressing and we are not doing ourselves any favors by wallowing. I am guilty of it as much as anyone else, but we have to stop this self-loathing and excuse-making.
Not to be harsh, but we can do so much more than what some of these "facts" being spewed are trying to make us believe. I beg you... Do not use lipedema as your reasoning for not trying really hard to get the level of health and activity that you want - the level of health and activity you DESERVE.
Yes, even the wonderful doctors who are doing lipedema liposuction surgeries and the therapists that say we need special massage for the rest of our lives are still just looking to make money off of us. Why would they want to make us believe that we can make a difference with diet and exercise?
Yes, lipedema is painful. But pain is also surmountable. You can push past and beyond pain and live an extremely fulfilling life. Lipedema does not mean you are doomed to become disabled. Pain is not an excuse to stop taking care of yourself. I myself have used it as an excuse to back away from exercise, and it only made things worse for me in the long run. We ALL need to stop. Instead, we need to find ways to make it better, to push each other, and to fight for ourselves.
My background, in case you doubt that I understand how extreme pain can be: I was covered in 3rd degree burns after a motorcycle accident when I was 20 years old. I've been living with progressing lipedema (by now it is stage 3) since I was 11 (puberty). 50% of my skin -mostly on the left side of my body- is thick, fibrous, contractured scar tissue and has been for the last 19 years. In the accident, I also broke my lower back, herniated a disc, ripped off my kneecaps, tore my rotator cuff, dislocated my big toe and several fingers, and nearly severed my pinky finger. I had 9 skin graft surgeries, got 11 different types of infection including pseudomonas in my blood, developed pneumonia, and got a life-threatening blood clot in my left leg from my knee to my groin. Don't get me started on the PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
Bottom line: We CAN overcome lipedema. We CAN gain muscle. We CAN lose fat. We CAN push past pain. We just have to be willing to fight.

Avery here again to share more experiences Matt and I have shared together, while he was my platoon leader, and since I've gotten out. Yes we're still together, yes he knows I write here. Please keep negative comments about our "inappropriate relationship" to yourself....I'm not in anymore, he's dating a civilian girl now (me). I'm always open to feedback about my writing! I want you, the reader, to enjoy as much as possible!
Just a bit of a refresher since it's been awhile...I'm on the petite side of life, slim, with an olive complexion, dark brown hair, fairly perky if tiny B Cup breasts, and small, dark brown nipples and I shave everywhere (:
About a week or so after the military ball that Matt teased me with a thumb pressed against my butthole, and I hinted that I wouldn't be opposed to exploring more, we were over at his house after a long week at work, just watching tv in some comfy clothes. Him in some Ranger Panties and a tshirt, me in one of his sweatshirts, a sports bra, and some dark green cotton panties....like I said, comfy not pure sex goddess.
Matt and I are talking and he brings up that I had mentioned I wasn't opposed to trying more things with my butt. Slightly nervous but not entirely opposed, I said "I wouldn't mind a little more than the other night ". He asked if I would consider trying something now, down here on the couch, and again I said I wasn't opposed, still nervous as hell, but at the same time, feeling the beginnings of arousal deep in my core at trying something new.
Matt runs upstairs and returns with a bottle of lube we keep upstairs in the nightstand and motions for me to lay across his lap. I oblige, pulling my panties down, keeping his sweatshirt on for warmth, and laying face down across his lap with my toned, firm butt facing up, completely exposed to him.
I spread my legs slightly as I feel his fingers work their way between my legs, my arousal growing as attention to my clit increases. Soon I feel pressure against my other hole as a thumb presses against my entrance. I moan gently, and then there is a sharp intake of breath as a drop of cold lube lands squarely on my butthole, causing me to squeak and pucker slightly.
Sion I feel that glob of lube being slowly massaged into my butthole, as I begin to relax, and the first inch of a finger begins to slip inside this new found entry. I grind my pubic bone against Matt's leg as he soon has an entire thumb worked into my butt, with copious amounts of lube, leaving me feeling fuller than I've ever felt.
After a few minutes of fingering my hole, I can feel Matt's rock hard arousal beneath me and I cautiously ask if he would like to try to fit it in. He pulls the finger out of my butt, which closes back up, but not all the way, as I feel a residual stretch from all the play of the last few minutes.
I kneel on the floor, leaning forward and resting myself on the seat of the couch, while my lubed butt is completely exposed for Matt. He adds a ton of lube to himself, and reapplies some to my hole, before lining up his head against my entrance. I feel myself slowly start to relax, as I mentally release each muscle of my sphincter as he slips deeper into me little by little.
A lot of lube and a lot of patience later, Matt is all the way inside my butt and I can barely move from the sensation of being so incredibly full. Matt asks if he can try to move, and I cautiously oblige, pressing my palm to his thigh to give myself some signal to him to ease up.
He begins to rock in and out of me, excruciatingly slowly as I adjust to the sensation of a cock moving in and out of my butt. Gradually, I relax into it and motion for him to increase the pace a little as I reach between my legs to rub my clit, as his firm hands grasp my waist to pull himself ever deeper into me.
As my pleasure from my masturbation builds, I relax even more, urging Matt to increase his pace until he is unequivocally fucking my butt. No other word for it. It is primal and fully about individual pleasure as I rub myself close to climax and he pushes himself into me, completely using my tight hole for his pleasure.
Within a minute or so it seems, I feel him swell even more inside me, before releasing a huge load of cum, deep inside my butt. This helps me find my own release in our shared moment of passion. With a few more thrusts, Matt has emptied himself in my butt and I am utterly spent in my own release. I feel like such a slut. I've tried this forbidden pleasure and although the act itself doesn't "get me off" per se, the aspect of mutual masturbation using my clit and butthole to achieve individual release is both wildly erotic and slightly invigorating.
My confidence is through the roof as Matt pulls out of me, and the largest load of cum I've ever felt begins to leak out of my butt and run down my leg. I am absolutely "that girl" to my man and it's an amazing feeling. Matt kisses me like I'm the only girl he ever wants or needs, before leading me upstairs to shower and clean off.
While anal sex isn't a go-to thing for us (lots of time, prep, and mess), it isn't something I'm opposed to, and is something I'm inclined to bring out for special occasions where I really want to switch it up. My one bit of advice...go slow, and when in doubt, add more lube!
Again, I'm always open to constructive feedback! I really hope you enjoyed!
♡Avery

Hey guys sorry it's been a while since I posted. The storms hit pretty hard where were are so real life took priority to my erotic writing. But I'm back!
This chapter takes us to our brigade ball where I give Matt quite the show at the afterparty. It was super hot, Matt took control for a bit and I loved every minute...no I'm not a submissive, he isn't a dom, don't expect things to start to go that direction. This chapter just illustrates a bit of power play in our relationship. As always, I appreciate comments and messages with ways to improve and honest critiques! ♡Avery
So I was in my barracks room, taking hours to get ready for the brigade ball. This was our first big "thing" that had happened at work since Matt and I started secretly dating. I was kinda nervous. Even though I couldn't "be seen" with Matt as anything but a soldier in his platoon, I still wanted to be the girl who caught his eye.
So there I was, doing my hair up in a perfect, sleek bun, applying light makeup to accentuate my deep brown eyes and make my lips pop just a bit, straightening my ribbons and overall trying to look perfect militarily while leaving enough sexy for later. The ball was being held at this beautiful hotel on the beach, and Matt had booked us a room at another place down the oceanfront so that we could be seen leaving separately, but then link up after. I had put together an overnight bag and left it with Matt, and now I was anxious for the night to begin.
From the moment I entered the hotel, my eyes were on my man. He looked stunning. My prince charming in his dark blue service jacket, looking tall and handsome. I gave him a pleasant greeting and moved on as he winked at me, telling me to go find the seating chart. Low and behold, we were sitting by platoon, meaning all through dinner, I'd be sitting next to the hottest man in the room.
Dinner at a ball is super formal and scripted and the whole evening, Matt has his hand on my thigh, slightly up my knee length uniform skirt, separated from me by just my pantyhose. He is such a fucking tease. I try to keep it together, talking with all the people from our platoon at the table while Mr GI Sex God is trying to tease my pantyhose off. Not fair.
I take my revenge, after the formal portion of dinner is complete and they let us hit the dancefloor to let loose. I immediately grab up a guy I know and ask him to dance, and am soon dancing up on him all while looking straight at Matt, letting him know that this could be him. As the night wears on, I'm getting slightly horny and whisper to Matt that we should go. He cordially says goodnight to everyone in the platoon, and as he says goodbye to me, he casually slips a room key into my coat pocket. I give him maybe 15 or 20 minutes before I make my escape, letting down the guy I'd been dancing on all night.
As I head out, I see that on the envelope the key is in, Matt has written "CPL Avery, report to room 517, no uniform allowed"...I'm fucking turned on. This is the 1st time he as really showed his dominant side and its really hot. I report to room, knock and ask permission to enter. Matt yells "enter" and I'm greeted by the sight of my hunk sitting naked on the edge of the bed, a pink lace thong I packed in my overnight back wrapped around his rock hard cock as he's looking at some nudes I sent him the day before. Instantly wet. Like fuck. I'm horny.
He looks up and says "CPL Avery, weren't you told, no uniforms allowed?" I nod and ask him how was I supposed to get dressed properly if he was busy using my clothes in my overnight bag for his pleasure. Wrong answer. Right answer.
He stands up, my thong still wrapped around his shaft and tells me to get dressed as ordered. I immediately start to undo my jacket and slip it onto a hanger so that it doesn't get wrinkled, before slowly unzipping my skirt and doing the same. As I stand there in a button down white shirt, pantyhose with black lace cheeky cut panties underneath, he tells me to continue until I'm just wearing things that were not issued by the army. I slowly unbutton my white dress shirt, revealing a black lace pushup bra that nicely adds cleavage to my b cup breasts.
Matt orders me onto my knees and tells me to remove the pink lace thong from his cock without using my hands. I lean forward and lick the tip of his cock, making it twitch slightly as I take the thong on my teeth, and pulling it from his shaft. He is so turned on. Rock hard and I want this now. I quickly lick his shaft again from base to tip, before swallowing his cock in one breath that leaves my face against his freshly shaved groin. I bob my head up and down his shaft for a minute or two, stroking his base with one hand while the other grabs his butt to pull myself deeper down his shaft. I begin to taste his precum and know he must have really been playing with himself before hand.
He puts hand under my chin and takes my mouth away from his cock and tells me to turn around on the floor, onto my hands and knees. In one quick motion I feel him split my pantyhose along the crotch seam and push my black lace panties to the side, exposing my soaking wet vagina and tight little asshole, all freshly shaven for tonight. I feel him pressed against my entrance and he pushes in in one firm stroke, filling me up as I gasp in pleasure. He takes me by the hips as i press my face down into a pillow on the floor. Behind me, he begins to thrust, slowly and rhythmically at first, growing to a frantic bucking that leaves me feeling his balls slapping against my clit as he presses my face deeper into the bad. He reaches one hand to back press his thumb against my asshole. He doesn't push his way into that hole, but the pressure sensation is new and combined with his frantic fucking from behind is enough to drive me to the edge. He leans down and whispers in my ear "Cum for me CPL Avery" and my vagina obeys. I feel my inner walls clench around his cock as his fingers move to my clit and I continue to throw my hips back again and again until I hear him moan my name as he shoots a massive load of cum deep inside me.
He continues to thrust until every last drop is deep inside me and my vagina is leaking his cum, collecting in the black lace panties and out of the hole he tore in my pantyhose for easy access. I am overwhelmed by the entire experience and it's just incredible.
As we're laying in bed after cleaning up and making love gently in the shower, I tell him that if he ever wants to do more than just put pressure on my butthole, we could talk about it...possible chapter 8?(;
I hope you all enjoy this chapter. As always, feel free to message me with comments and critiques!!! ♡Avery

Thank you to all of you who have been following this story! Sorry about the delay in posting and responding to your messages, Matt and I actually had a weekend away together (chapter worthy material that I'll share down the road).
This chapter is another first for me, not for Matt. I had always been super self conscious about this one but Matt made it absolutely incredible and now a favorite part of our regular foreplay! I hope you all enjoy! As always, feel free to shoot me any feedback and critiques! ♡Avery
So this one kinda came out of no where. Not something we had really discussed because I was kinda self conscious about straddling a guy's face with my crotch, but I learned to get past all that. After work one Wednesday night...yes I remember the day because Matt and I had developed a routine at this point of alternating days at his house and days I spent in my barracks room. Anyway, one Wednesday evening, I had been driving Matt around on a convoy training mission all day. Alone in a truck with my hot as hell man crush boyfriend, and unable to do anything because we couldn't risk it at work. Of course he would spend it dropping little sly comments about "I bet you like xyz" or something like he doesn't know exactly what l like. Such a tease.
At this point, I've had enough and I just want him. I had showered and cleaned up before coming over, but the moment I walked in his door, I wanted to get dirty all over again. I pressed him up against the wall and pressed my lips to his. He grabs me by my petite waist and pulls me close as I wrap my arms around behind his neck and let my tongue intertwine with his.
I needed him. Like holy shit. I don't know what kind of mood he had put me in all day, but I needed my man and I needed to cum. He senses how frantic my kisses are becoming and he picks me up in his arms and carries me over to the futon in his living room. He lays me down and begins to suck on the soft spot of my neck, driving me wild as it's a mix of tickling and pleasure running through me. I run my fingers through his hair as I wrap my legs around his waist, pulling him down between my legs until his growing bulge is pressed against me.
He slips his fingers under my shirt and lifts my shirt and blue neon sports bra over my head in one swoop. My B cup breasts spill out as his tongue finds it's way to my rapidly hardening nipples and I let out a slight sigh of pleasure. I pull his shirt off, exposing his chiseled chest and abs and I reach up to plant soft kisses against my favorite spot to rest my head at night. His kisses soon trail down my ribs as he unzips my short jean shorts revealing a small green cotton thong that leaves very little to the imagination.
I raise my butt and he quickly removes both shorts and thong in the blink of an eye, tossing them to the side as he returns to kiss along the tan lines made by the one piece bathing suit I wore over the weekend. I'm fairly soaked at this point and I just want release. Instead of giving it to me, he sits up, slips off his shorts and lays back himself. He tells me he wants me to sit on his face but face away so he has access to everything.
I'm super self conscious about "down there" to start with. Oral laying on my back is awkward enough but this was a definite first. He takes my hesitant pause to reach and pull me by the thigh over his face. I keep my weight up on my thighs so that I don't crush his face (awkward sauce like I said). Softly at first I feel his tongue tracing my slit as the tip of his nose occasionally brushes against my butt. I let out a soft moan and fall forward, opening myself up as my lips spread at the shift in position and my butthole is exposed as I find myself inches from his rock hard 7 inch cock...quick note on size...no I don't want a monster cock, 7 is about all I can take without having to worry about not sinking down too deep and hurting myself on accident. So no, I don't want your 11 inch dick.
Anyway, back to my face next to his rock hard cock. He takes another taste between my lips and teases gently at my clit as I take him in one hand and lick along the back of his shaft from tip to base. He's shaved himself to match my completely smooth pussy and I lick again and again along his hard smooth shaft.
He begins to pay more attention to my clit as he spreads my buttcheeks wide with his hands, exposing both of my holes to the cold air of the room. I'm practically dripping at this point as I take the head of his cock into my mouth, swirling my tongue around, trying to encourage him to do the same on my clit.
I feel a finger and then a second hook their way into my tight hole, tickling at my g spot as he pulls me down lower onto his face, increasing pressure on my clit with his tongue. This drives me to moan with his dick halfway into my mouth, and he bucks his hips up, forcing his way deeper into my throat. I feel myself start to gag, but the pleasure between my legs over rides everything and I force myself to take more and more of him until he is all the way down my throat and my lips reach the base of his cock.
I'm practically drooling saliva on his shaft as he bucks his hips into me, with his cock buried in my throat. I hold it there as long as I can until his thumb finds it's way to my clit, finally threatening to through me over the edge of a massive orgasm that's been building as we've gone along. I pull my face away, a string of drool leading off my chin and grind my vagina into his face as his tongue presses in circles against my clit and his nose is against my bum. I take his shaft in hand and begin to stroke him, using my own saliva to lubricate him as i go faster and faster, trying to get him to experience the same release I'm on the brink of.
I'm fully raised up, with my pubic bone grinding into his mouth as I finally reach orgasm and cum slightly into his mouth (I'm not a huge squirter but I do cum). I moan his name as I continue to jerk him until he shoots a massive spray of cum of his own up towards my face, some landing on my cheeks while the rest sprays my chest and stomach before coming down and landing on him as well.
Covered in each other's release, I get up and kiss him passionately on the lips, thanking him for this introduction to a new found turn on. He takes me by the hand and we walk naked upstairs to the shower to clean off before dinner...and maybe another round(;
Thank you so much for continuing to follow my story! As always, feedback and critiques are more than welcome! Look for lucky #7 coming out in the next few days! ♡Avery

Hey guys, sorry it's been a few days! I'm finishing up clearing from the Army and moving in with Matt simultaneously so life has been hectic to say the least.
A little more background on us for those that are wondering, he and I have been dating for over a year now at this point, so we have a lot of material I could share. We have grown together sexually over our time together, so obviously the stories will get hotter as we go. I've thought about skipping ahead to a few things, but have decided to just keep going sequentially unless I get a totally negative response.
In this chapter, we find ourselves a few weeks into our relationship, and beginning to branch out in our love of fun in public-ish places. This time...the beach(; I hope you all enjoy! Avery♡
Matt and I had just wrapped up a busy week at work...I was kinda frustrated that he was commenting on how I'm so tired in the evenings and I'm kinda just like "well no shit sir, you had us out working on trucks all day". Not to be mean but when you're my platoon leader, you know why I'm too tired for sex every night. But I digress. He made up for it.
Saturday rolls around, and after letting me sleep in probably a little too late, Matt gently wakes me up with soft kisses and a little bit of tickles from his weekend scruff from where he dosen't have to shave on weekends (totally cute in my opinion). He wakes me up and asks me if I'd like to go relax at the beach. Duh. Its summer, I'm stressed, I have a muscular boyfriend and at a beach I've got an excuse to oogle him all I want. Yes I'm in, let me get dressed.
It dawns on me that hey, I've got no suit here (his house not my barracks room), so I throw on some jean shorts and a sports bra and decide I'm just gonna have to grab a suit at one of the shore shacks when we get there.
Matt drives us to the beach and I tease him the whole way there, lightly running my finger tips along his thigh to see if I can get a reaction. He tries to play it cool, but the bulge in his trunks gives him away. Yeah, I know you like this teasing Matt(;
We roll up to one of the surf shops and i decide to go for the summer's latest trends, "one piece revival". I go with a bright orange, reasonably modest suit that rides up fairly high in the leg opening, accentuating the V where my thighs come together, highlighting in bright orange my barely covered self, scoops low enough in the armpit to give a little tasteful sideboob without screaming "slut", and has just enough of a smaller cut in the butt to show off some cheek without being a thong. I think it's hot. Matt's stunned face and tightening trunks seem to agree.
We spend the entire afternoon alternating between lounging in the sun, playing in the water, boogie boarding, and all around just having fun in a completely nonsexual manner. With the exception of the fact that he looks like a fucking sex god that I just need (and can't believe I'm dating).
As the sun starts to set, a band starts to play on the boardwalk, with a crowd gathering around to watch. I get an idea to use the opportunity, while everyone is focused on the band to slip away into the waves with Matt to try to be a little more adventurous.
The music grows more up beat as the sun goes fully down and I'm dancing on Matt about knee deep in the water, splashing around as I grind my butt against him to the beat, and bend forward to shake my firm little butt at him, giving him quite the view of everything this suit barely covers.
As I back Matt into deeper water, and press my butt against his crotch, his hands are running all over my body, turning me on. He squeezes my B cup breasts sand pulls me back close to him. I turn back and my lips find his as his hands rove lower, teasing me through the front of my suit.
At this point I'm wetter than the ocean. Is making me and I want more. I take his hand and slide it into the thigh hole of my suit and guide him into my slit. He begins to tease my clit as I reach back and stroke his hardening cock as the tempo of the party on the beach grows into a greater frenzy.
With his fingers now teasing their way inside me, and my head leaned back against his chest moaning slightly, I ask him if he'd have the courage to just do me right here and now if I let him. He responds by pushing his two fingers all the way inside me up to the knuckle and I beg for him to give me more.
He spins me around and pulls me into his arms. I wrap my legs around him as he walks us to deeper water so that just our head and shoulders are out of the water. I feel him reaching between my legs to push my suit to the side and he lowers me slight until the tip of his cock is pressed against my entrance.
I feel myself start to relax against his pressure as he kisses me, and my vagina welcomes him tightly in as I lower myself down his shaft, allowing him to fill me completely. He takes one of my buttcheeks in each of his hands and spreads me wide as he begins to rock me up and down his shaft. My suit digs into my butt and soon my cheeky onepiece has collected itself so that its stretched taught, barely covering my butthole.
I bury my face in his neck, kissing him and hopefully leaving my mark as he picks up speed, bouncing me up and down his cock to the beat of the music in an ever more enthusiastic pace. Hi thumb reaches between my legs and begins to circle my clit as my orgasm builds and I begin to clamp down on the rock hard cock, buried deep inside me, and I beg him to cum for me.
With his muscular arms that I love so much, he lifts me nearly off his shaft and then forces me all the way down to bottoming out in one massive thrust as I feel him explode inside me. He keeps himself all the way inside me, pressed almost to my cervix as I feel spurt after spurt erupting in me as he kisses me, and to the casual onlooker, it appears that we're just two lovers making out in the waves.
Beneath the surface, I lift off of him and he helps me adjust my suit to some semblance of modesty. I feel him start to leak of of me and down the inside of my leg. I don't even care as we get back to our stuff, and head back to the car in the dark. Public sex? Another first checked off the list.
Thank you again for all the feedback recently! I promise I won't make you wait as long for an update this time(: I love all the interaction with readers so keep the critiques coming! ♡Avery

This is part number 3 of my story of how I started to (and still am) dating my platoon leader. As I've said before, I'm on my way into the civilian sector after completing my contract with the Army, and Matt and I are still happily dating. As always, I'm open to feedback/critiques/polite constructive criticism. This is a fairly tame chapter with one of many "firsts" we've conquered as a couple. I recommend starting at the 1st chapter so you can get the whole story, or else you'll miss some descrptions/details. I've tried to be a little more detailed with the naughty bits, so I hope you all enjoy! ♡Avery
After spending a second night in Matt's bed, this time naked, with his cum leaking out of me following last night's massage turned naughty, I woke up looking like a hot mess. I caught a glimpse of myself in his bedside mirror and decided I had to run down to the car to get my well thought out overnight bag that somehow never actually made it into the house last night. I throw on some of Matt's gym shorts and a tee, leaving the discarded purple thong from last night's massage on his night stand. He seemed to like it, so why not leave him the souvenir right?
When I get back inside, my handsome hunk (yes, mine. He asked me out last night, still have butterflies!) Has gotten out of bed and has moved into the kitchen to fix breakfast for us. I told you he's a gentleman when he wants to be. Anyway, over breakfast he asks me if I'd like to go out on an actual date with him today. Nothing fancy, but a walk down along the river trail a few miles from his appartment after a coffee.
I'm super excited to hear that he wants actual dates, not just stuff we hide over at his appartment and I agree right away. I head upstairs and in a minute....or 30....I'm back downstairs in my favorite pale blue sundress with a cute print design, that fairly reasonably accentuated my toned butt, and shows off what cleavage my B cup breasts can produce.
He's clearly happy about my outfit when I come downstairs, as he looks me up and down. All through the car ride and coffee, he can't keep his hands off me and I love it! A hand around my waist as I go through a door he's held for me, gently holding my hand in line, or his fingers brushing my legs at the hem of my dress as he holds my hand while he drives. Our conversation is all over the place as we get to know eachother on a deeper level, and eventually it makes it's way to "experience ". As it turns out, we're both relatively inexperienced in terms of anything crazy but we have similar fantasies and things we'd want to try.
As we finish coffee and head out to the river, one of those "things we'd want to try" comes up again, and it seems as though we're headed somewhere that we might just pull it off. We both want to experiment with trying something in a public place. The trail along the river is relatively quiet....okay just about as private as you can get without actually going inside. But its outside and it's new and so I get a rush just thinking about fooling around with him out here. I'm definitely not brave enough to try actual sex out anywhere, but who knows, maybe I could have some fun out here?
We get out of the car and walk maybe a half mile down the trail without seeing anyone. Matt takes my hand and leads me off the trail and into the woods aways before pulling me close and kissing me. I fall into his embrace and let my tongue explore his mouth as his hands explore my body. As the minutes pass and our make out intensifies, his hands make their way into my dress, pulling out my breasts and gently squeezing my small, dark brown nipples as I moan into his mouth and run my fingers through his hair.
This continues until a feel a hand under the hem of my dress, gently caressing it's way up my thigh and I'm acutely aware that I'm outside and vulnerable. I whisper into Matt's ear to touch me but don't take anything off. Next thing I feel is a finger pushing my panties (pink lace with a cheeky, not quite thong back) to the side, running their way between the damp parted lips of my vagina. A finger slips inside me while his thumb massages my clit, drawing heavy breaths and moans begging him not to stop. His pace increases and my legs begin to tremble as he brings me to orgasm with two fingers buried deep inside me and a thumb massaging my clit. I bite into his neck, hard enough to leave a mark as I try to keep from crying out at his touch.
As I come back down I realize that he has fully devoted his attention to my pleasure, and this has caused an increase of it's own in his shorts. I ask Matt if he's comfortable pulling himself out here, since it's not like me who has a dress to provide a minimal sense of modesty. He nods a yes and I drop to my knees in front of him, unbuckling his shorts and letting them fall away.
I kneel there with his six or seven inches (i don't walk around with a ruler guys) in front of me, and I want nothing more than to give him the same pleasure he just gave me. I grasp his shaft in one hand as I lick him from base to tip with the tip of my tongue. After a few more wet, sloppy licks to lube him up, I press my head down on his shaft, taking in to the back of my throat as I begin to work his cock in my hand. I bob my head up hand down, as deep as I can take him, almost to the base as I try to keep myself from gagging on this healthy cock that brings me so much pleasure. I work his shaft with a twisting motion as I try to bring him closer to the edge of cumming for me, and I feel his hands in my hair pressing my head down to take him deep.
My pace increases as I feel him start to swell. I twist and suck, trying to being him sweet release until he takes his hand to the back of my head and holds me down to the base of his cock and shoots a thick rope of cum down the back of my throat. I swallow it down and continue to pump his cock into my mouth, being sure not to spray any onto my dress. I swallow every last drop of him before getting up and helping him get his shorts up to make us both modest once again.
We continue our walk for another hour or so, both loving the fact that we each just had our first public sexual experience, and talking more about all the things we'd like to try going forward in the future.
Thanks for reading guys! I'm sorry this didn't have full on sex, but I promise our story gets steamy as we go forward! Again, I appreciate any feedback and critiques, just be polite!
♡Avery

First, a little about me. I'm 5'5ish, 135ish depending on the day, and have dark brown hair that falls part way down my back with brown eyes. My mom is a Crow (Native American) and my dad is Italian so the olive complexion genes are active in my family. I've got a fairly petite/athletic build with a 32B chest and a toned butt. My nipples are dark brown, on the smaller side, and I shave everywhere. I'm a fan of tattoos and have a feather on my foot, flower pieces on my right hip into my lower ribs, left shoulder, and lower back, a small script piece in my left side bra line, a green carebear in my left bikini line and a large dream catcher down my left ribs. If there's a detail I've left out, feel free to ask ;)
What a week. 18 year old me had gone from a dry spell since AIT and graduation to a blow job, facial, and quick hard sex with a married captain at my first duty station. I was falling fast and hard for him. I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to think of me when he thought of being intimate. I wanted to be his release to do everything she wouldn't.
Dustin snapped me this morning, a pic of his obvious buldge greeting my day. "How's my little Private this morning? I wish you were here to help with this"....You have no idea Dustin. Now that the bandaid has been ripped off, I want nothing more than to keep going. I send him a snap back of my semi sheer, black athletic thong, holding it open in the front with the caption "you could drop your load right in here sir". Naughty I know. For some reason, the thought of him filling my underwear with cum is erotic and in the moment, I crave the feel of his warmth between my legs.
"Come by the house on your lunch break and you can have it" I get in reply. Fuck.
I get dressed in my camo uniform with a generic sports bra and the same black athletic thong underneath and try make it through the morning as routinely as possible. Not possible. All I can think of is what I'm willing to do for the married man I'm lusting for and it's got my mind anywhere but at work.
Dustin let's me know he left early for lunch so he's ready whenever I am. The whole drive over, my mind is racing at the prospect of what's about to happen. I knock and find the door open, with Dustin on the couch, laptop open to some semi sexy photos I'd sent to tease him over the last week while he strokes his firm shaft. "Private Hannah reporting as ordered sir" I say as sexily as I can muster in the spur of the moment.
"Private Hannah, you said you'd found a place to hold my cum" completely keeping character.
"Yes sir" I say, stepping around to stand in front of him, undoing my belt and the buttons on my pants, letting them drop to the floor around my ankles.
"Open up then, I'm already close since you decided to be late"
I hold open the front of my black athletic thong, exposing my shaved pubic area for his inspection.
"At least you remembered to shave to start the week" he says and he builds the pace of his stroking and touches the tip of his penis against my smooth skin. In moments I see him start to swell as he nears his release. A thick rope of white cum erupts from his tip and is followed by a second, third, and fourth. My underwear is filled with his thick, warm release and soon its soaked, mixing with my own minor arousal that has built at the situation. As he finishes, I let go of my waistband and allow my cum soaked thong to cling to my lower lips, teasing me with what could have been.
I pull my pants back up and stand breathless in front of eachother. It's been less than 10 minutes since I walked through the door, we've barely spoken and now his cum is dripping down my inner thigh. What has happened? I feel like an incredibly erotic play thing that's been used for a passing moment of pleasure and right then, I know I'm hooked.
"Hannah, I'm sorry if that was too much" Dustin says, coming to the realization that I'm now back in uniform with his cum filling my panties.
I kiss him square on the lips. "Shhhh babe. I wanted this. I want all of you"
"So you really liked that?"
"Dustin that has got to be one of the hottest things I've ever tried. I'm not changing for work"
I sit on his couch in a pool of his release while we chat for the remainder of our lunch hour. When it's time to go, I feel a glob of him drip down my leg. "Can I come spend the night tonight?" I ask, hoping to get my own release after work.
"Sure hun, I just have a few calls to make but it's okay"
I head back to work with a kiss goodbye and the rest of the day I can feel the stickiness between my legs and it keeps me on edge. I run back to my barracks room, take a fast shower, grab a change of clothes for tomorrow, and something special for tonight. I throw on some gym shorts and a hoodie over my sports bra. Coupled with my slides and I'm back across post and find a note on the door "on a call, be quite when you come in"
I come in and quietly shut the door and make my way past Dustin in the livingroom, obviously on a video chat with someone with the screen facing the wall to the garage. I hear a woman's voice say "oh man those walls are paper thin, I think I just heard the neighbors kids come home from school"
Oh shit, he's on with his wife I realize as I tiptoe my way to the master bedroom where I change into my suprise. Naked in his bedroom, I slip into a teal, sheer lace bra with enough underwire support to give me a little cleavage. I pull on a matching set of panties with an intricate sheer lace front and a single thin string between my cheeks in the back. I fold up my sticky cum soaked thong from earlier and walk back into the livingroom.
Dustin does a double take as I come around the corner. He covers this with a coughing fit as his wife asks if he's okay. "Yeah hun just had an itch in my throat" and they continue chatting, her oblivious to the fact that I've just sat down across from him.
I look him square in the eyes as I begin to tease my dark brown nipples through my sheer lace bra. As he tries to hold a conversation, I do everything I can to lightly tease him. I pinch and massage my breasts, softly run a finger between my legs on top of my lacy bottoms. I stand up and start to stretch, bending forward to let my small breasts hang just out of sight of his camera before turning around and bending forward, reaching back to spread my bum and letting the g-string bury itself between my cheeks, barely keeping my other tight hole from view.
I turn back around and unfold the sticky thong he came in earlier and hold it up for him to see the stain his release left on them, right between the legs. I pull my teal lace thong down in the front, and standing right behind his computer, I begin to lightly tease myself with the soft fabric of the back athletic thong, gently massaging my clit, resoaking the nearly dry panties with another round of sexual arousal.
As my arousal grows, I gradually push into my slick entrance and with one finger and then another, the soft athletic fabric of my underwear once again getting soaked as I rub my clit with them, teasing myself with the over stimulating feel against my raw bundle of nerves. I squat down, my face now right behind the computer screen as I squeeze my breast and open my mouth in a silent moan, performing for the man who can't respond.
All of a sudden I stop, ending my tease at the edge of release, not wanting to slip and give away what's going on...and to tease Dustin further. I stand up, place the arousal and cum soaked black thong on the table right behind his laptop and I walk to the kitchen and begin working on dinner with whatever ingredients I can scrounge up in the kitchen. It's such a turn on to do such a normal task in such a small set of lingerie and I secretly hope that Dustin is sneaking peeks at me from across the house.
At long last I feel warm, strong hands wrap around my waist and a kiss finds my cheek. "How's my baby girl, you little tease?"
I blush at the pet name the gentle touch. "I'm almost done, go sit down you silly boy" I say as I start to plate our dinner of chicken and grilled veggies, sauntering into the dining room like a server at one of those lingerie sports bars.
"So you sure know how to put on a show, Hannah" Dustin says as we begin to eat
"I can be anything you want me to be" I say as I begin a speech I'd thought through in my head, telling Dustin that I don't want casual, I want to be the girl he craves, the one who does the things that no one else does, who let's him try the things he's only imagined I'm his wildest sessions alone with himself.
"What do you get out of all of this?" He asks, questioning this step towards commitment.
"I get to explore myself and act out my cravings without having to deal with all the rumors of barracks and searching for guys to feel safe with. I don't want to be your wife. I just want you to forget her when your with me, and I want you to think of me when you choose how to play"
"Well if you're going to explore, we're going to have to push you out of your comfort zone and actually find new places and things to try"
My heart is racing as fantasies flood through my mind. "What do you have in mind?"
"Just play along with different roles and we'll see what happens baby girl"
Baby girl....is this role number one? Does Dustin think that with our 8 year age gap and my petite frame that we could play out what I think he wants to play? I did just tell him that I want to be the one he thinks of.
"Yes daddy"
"Good Girl"
I. Am. Wet.
"So what did you have in mind for dessert baby girl?"
I stand up, clean up, take Dustin by the hand. "These can end up on the floor too" i say motioning to my sheer lingerie.
"Not yet" he replies, guiding me back to the bedroom.
I find myself once again on Dustin's bed, this time guided into the center, onto my hands and knees. With gentle pressure between my shoulder blades, I drop to my elbows, arching my back and exposing my entrances to open view, my modesty preserved only by the thin g-string buried between my cheeks.
Dustin pulls that to the side, bringing my arousal fully into view. I shudder as a soft, wet tongue traces it's way teasingly between my parted lips, beginning at the bundle of nerves aching in my core and ending in the tight wet hole that's been longing to be filled since I started my teasing back at lunch. I moan a soft sigh of want as Dustin licks me again and again, using his thumbs to spread me open before teasing the inner entrance of my now soaked vagina with his oral stimulation.
After a few breathless minutes of almost over the edge teasing with his tongue, Dustin traces his tongue higher. My eyes go wide and my breath catches in my throat as his tongue glides across my other hole. After a brief pause, he repeats his elongated trail of tongue teasing a second and third time, ending on my bum every time.
I moan "Don't stop, daddy" as his tongue lingers on my hole, swirling around my rear entrance as his calloused fingers reach between my legs to tease my clit. I am so close as his tongue makes headway into my hole which is opening up for him at his constant stimulation.
"I'm going to fill you up baby girl" Dustin leans down and whispers in my ear, his tongue momentarily replaced by his thumb pressing further into my bum, slick with his saliva.
"Please daddy" I moan in reply, eager to keep my promise to do everything his wife won't do.
Dustin pulls away completely and reaches into his wife's nightstand. I see him pull out a bottle of lube and a silver plug with a red jeweled heart on the end, still in its packaging, unopened, unplayed with. I know what's coming and why we're playing this out right now.
Dustin removes the plug from its package and holds it tip first up to my lips. I know what he wants without saying a word. I stick out my tongue and lightly tease the cold metal tip, softly swirling circles around it, further and further down until I bob my head down, taking the whole plug in my mouth and closing my lips around the base. I look up at Dustin, the jeweled heart of the plug between my lips and softly moan in anticipation.
He pulls it out of my mouth and I seductively tease the tip one last time. "Wanna stick it in my ass daddy?" I beg as sexily as possible. After a few seconds of fumbling around with the lube bottle, I feel the cold liquid land on my hole, followed by a finger gently probing my already relaxed entrance. A moment later, the finger is replaced by the cold lubed plug and my breath catches in my throat as I stretch around the plug before closing down tightly on the base. Dustin moves my g-string back into place, covering my soaking wet lips and holding the plug firmly in my butt.
I look back at him pleadingly. I know I teased you hard earlier but if you stop now, this is just cruel. "Daddy please" I say breathlessly, not wanting the stimulation to stop while also acutely aware of the fullness inside my rear.
"Please what?"
"Please fuck me daddy"
"You have two options Hannah. You teased me, so this is a tease for you. You can go to bed, right now, right like this, or you can get your punishment and then a reward like a good girl. Bed or a spanking, your choice"
"Spank me Daddy" I beg without a moment's hesitation
smack the sharp crack of Dustin's hand on my bare cheek takes me by suprise and I clench hard on the plug inside my bum. "Oh fuck daddy" I moan in a mix of pain and pleasure. smack smack smack come three more successive blows, landing on alternating cheeks. I moan almost tearfully as my arousal builds to the point that I'm literally ready to beg for release.
"Daddy please fuck me. Do whatever you want just let me cum please"
A firm tug pulls my g-string down to my knees, still on all fours with my face in the pillows. A hard shaft rubs between my lower lips, finds my eager entrance, and in one firm thrust is buried all the way inside me. I cry out, looking back over my shoulder at Dustin who looks like a man possessed with the overwhelming urge to use me for his pleasure, and in that moment, it's all I want as well.
His firm hands grip my hips and I arch my back, throwing myself back against him to meet his own rapid thrusts. My cheeks clap a faster and faster pace as the overwhelming feeling of being completely filled mixes with the intense pleasure of the moment. I'm red faced and breathless, moaning Dustin's name as he continues in an unrelenting pace, thrusting in and out, in and out. At one point he pulls my face out of the pillows, gripping my long dark hair by my ponytail and commands "You're gonna be a good girl and cum for daddy"
He releases my hair but I remain facing forward, head up and moaning through the moment "Yes daddy, oh my fuuuuuuuuuckkkk" comes from my innocent lips as he simultaneously pulls out the buttplug and buries himself all the way inside me as I can feel him swell and begin to release against my cervix.
"That's right daddy, cum inside my pussy" I beg as he thrusts again and again as my inner walls clench down and my own release spills out of me, uncontained as I find one of the strongest orgasms of my life. His thrusts slow and eventually he pulls out, leaving me leaking cum and lube from both my holes.
He returns with a warm towel and begins to clean me off as I sit up, still in my sheer bra, and kiss him firmly on the lips. "That was incredible, daddy" I whisper, my forehead resting against his as he finishes cleaning my sensitive areas.
"Would you like to rinse off?"
I reply yes and he runs us a sensual warm shower, where nothing but gentle washing and a few lingering kisses happens. He's patient as I take extra time under the soothing water and wraps me in a soft towel when I get out.
As we get dressed into comfy pajama shorts and tshirts, I ask "so was I a good girl, daddy?"
"The best. I think we should stick with this role for awhile if you're into it"
After the time I had tonight, I'm more than willing to play along. We discuss some likes and dislikes and limits (nothing that leaves a mark where I'll have to answer questions about it at work), and reagree that none of this is a thing on the few occasions that his wife visits during her internship. And duh, no telling work, that would fuck us both.
We end the night with gentle pillow talk, and he asks if,for the role, I'd be willing to let him help me get dressed in the mornings, helping me pick out bras and undies from a selection of things I'd actually wear to work. I welcome the increased interaction and dedicated time to talk every morning without a second thought, and I fall asleep with his arm wrapped around me from behind, his strong hand under my tshirt, soothingly placed on my bare stomach, just below my belly button and just teasingly far enough into the area covered by a bikini. I'm in heaven.

I need help when it comes to the back of my thighs. I have a lot of hair and have to shave everyday. I get bumps on the back of my thighs that take forever to go away. They are not ingrown hairs.
I am so tired of buying razors for them to be complete junk and tearing up my legs with razor burn or cuts or these bumps. I can hardly use any more than 2 uses.
Currently I use a shave gel and then use an epson salt scrub and then apply VaniPly after I get out of the shower.
Any suggestions? Tips? Favorite razors that don’t cost a small fortune?

I was 20 years old, a virgin. I was chatting with a man on a dating site, I didn't know how old he was. He offered to have sex, I agreed and warned him that I was a virgin. He sent a picture of his penis, it looked like an average, normal penis.
A couple hours later he arrived, I opened the door. I was nervous the whole time, didn't know what to expect or how it would be. He from the threshold kissed me on the lips, and began to undress. With a wish we made it to the room, he pushed down on my shoulders to get me down. I sat on the edge of the bed and passed me was his bump in black briefs. At that moment I hear "take them off", I pull them off and a long cock of rather large thickness hits me in the face. At that moment my fear would increase and I was thinking "how to take it in my mouth, how it would go in my ass".
While I was confused, in front of me stood a well-groomed man, medium build, trim in socks and a watch on his arm. He took his cock in his hand, the other took my head. And he started hitting my face with his cock, running it over my lips, when he put the head in my mouth, I started sucking as hard as I could, as much as I could fit. He continued, "suck it, suck it, good." And brought the vial up to my nose asking me to inhale, covering one nostril then the other. I inhaled it with the man's cock in my mouth. After a few seconds I felt really good, relaxed. Noticing this he fucked my head, pulled his cock out and lay back on the bed.
I didn't know what to do then and just sat next to him. He started to open a pack of condoms and while he opened one, again he said "while I open it, suck my cock".
He put the condom on, gave me another sniff (as I later found out) of the poppers. And said "sit on the cock." I was dizzy, nervous, relaxed from the poper, I held on and got on the cock, but only on the head. To which he said "no luck?", I said "no".
He positioned me on my back, widened my legs with his, additionally lubed my ass, brought the head to my hole. Gripped my thighs hard. И.... In a second, drove his entire cock into my asshole. I fell face down on the pillow whimpering loudly, clenched my fists. And my ass began to be fucked deeply, dynamically and without pity. At some point I even had tears flowing, but I asked for it to stop, didn't scream that it hurt. I just moaned and screamed and endured.
A little later he flipped me over onto my back, grabbed my legs, gave me a drink and inserted his cock again. But here I was already looking into his eyes, and I could see how he was excitedly enjoying me, I was all smooth shaven, thin and looked much younger.... And I realized how his cock looked in my little ass and how good it felt. That's when I realized for myself the main high of bottoming, it's this kind of top pleasure.

Chapter 5
Location: Bareth Solitude
POV: Arathan
Arathan gets lost in his mind while doing some hard riding across what used to be a lake. He enjoys his freedom to go wherever he wants in his mind. Arathan also muses on the various forms of prison. Physical, emotional, and in thought. All barriers are enemies to freedom. By all measures the ride is horrible for Arathan, but the open sky and forward movement make him feel more free than at House Dracons.
Location: outside of house Dracons prior to the opening of this chapter
POV: Arathan
Before leaving House Dracons, Arathan felt fear and shame at that fear. Sagander's luggage was checked and mostly left behind. There are no pack horses for this journey. Sagander is furious and is taking it out on the servants. Finally Sagander calls Arathan over and blames the fact that he packed two cases on the boy. He demands that Arathan make room in his own pack for several of Sagander's items. While trying to fit Sagander's weights and measures into his bedroll, Draconus arrives and asks him why he isn't ready. Draconus sees the scales that Sagander gave to Arathan, picks them up and gives them to a servant. He says we do not have time for this. Sagander glares at Arathan.
Arathan will bring two horses. One a warhorse, Hellar, and the other, Besra, a gelding more suited for the long trek. As he passes the gate out of House Dracons, he looks back and sees his 3 half-sisters. He is chilled by their appearance. Just out of the gate Sagander, who was ahead of Arathan, stops and tells Arathan to look back. He tells him that his sisters hate him and they don't expect to ever see him again. Sagander admonishes Arathan for not being ready when his father arrived and for also choosing to ride Besra the gelding instead of the charger. He says when you leave, you ride the charger. Up the road Arathan sees a path to the right that looks familiar. It's the path to the quarry where he almost drowned.
As they ride they encounter no other people. They go through what used to be a vast forest, but all of the wood had been harvested and Arathan wonders what all the wood had been used for. Sagander was now too sore to turn around and criticize Arathan, which suited him perfectly. Arathan would love if he could go unnoticed the rest of the trip and in face the rest of his life. The party reaches a resupply station at the edge of House Dracons land where food and water are waiting for them. Arathan dismounts and after a minute understands that he must lead his horses to the water. Draconus had already led his horse to water, but the rest of the party is waiting for Arathan. As he is leading Besra, the horse he had ridden all day, to the trough, Raskan silently shakes his had at him. Arathan is not sure why and thinks surely the horse he rode the whole way should drink before the warhorse. He leads Besra to drink. Arathan reaches to cup some water for himself, but Raskan stops him. Raskan tells him that he can only share water with his warhorse. Arathan tells Raskan that he will share with the horse that bore him and begins to drink. Draconus tells Raskan that Arathan's warhorse, Hellar, is now under his care as the boy does not understand his responsibility. Raskan agrees, but says that Arathan should still ride Hellar this afternoon for a time. Draconus agrees and then beckons Feren for a private word.
Raskan explains the situation to Arathan, who still wonders aloud why we shouldn't honor every beast that serves us. Raskan tells him that he should crush thoughts that go against Tiste ways. Arathan contemplates how one comes to disdain others and understands that pride must preclude disdain. "One day I will find something to be proud of, and then I will find this taste of disdain, and see if it suits me". He does not think it will. "Not every virtue must be a weapon. These thoughts are my own. I will not crush them."
POV: Rint (bordersword)
The male borderswords wonder what Draconus and Feren are speaking about, while preparing the first meal. Ville thinks he wants her for sex. Rint doesn't like that idea, but says that it is none of their business and Feren will decide for herself. Ville really doesn't like Draconus and thinks he doesn't understand honor. Rint warns him that if he keeps up with this talk he will be left behind. Rint tells Raskan and Sagander that this will be the last time the midday meal is cooked. By tradition it is a large meal that allows all involved, especially the horses, a break as the first day of a journey is often the hardest and injuries occur. Rint also says they are a few days out of Abara Delack where they can re-provision. Raskan tells him that the party will go around Abara Delack. Rint questions that this is to be a secret journey. Raskan affirms. Raskan also tells the borderswords to not keep to themselves so much as this is a very small party.
Rint rejoins the borderswords and sees that his sister has done the same. As he approaches, she shakes her head. Probably signaling to him not to ask about her meeting with Draconus. Instead he tells the borderswords they are to mingle. Ville describes Arathan as a Rabbit in a boy's skin. Galak likes that. Rint tells them to forget they ever heard it. Galak says it fits, but Feren surprises everyone by asking how he knows. Feren says she likes the fact that Arathan honored the beast that bore him. That traditions are traditions for a reason, but that sometimes we forget that reason and just continue the tradition. Rint is worried about this outburst from Feren. She has been subdued for years and he should be happy at this new turn, but he's not sure of its source. Galak announces that the meat is ready. Rint calls the others.
POV: Arathan
Feren approaches Arathan and brings him out of his reverie and tells him traditionally everyone shares meat at the first meal. She tells him she agrees with his horse decision as it was made from the heart. She is twice his age. She tells him the first taste of meat belongs to his father and the second is his. He tells her he is a bastard. She says that is his father's fault, not his and that soon he will be his own man. Arathan wonders what Draconus has that engenders loyalty to him. It is certainly not camaraderie. Perhaps it was his actions in the Forulkan war.
The meal ends and the party mounts their horses. Arathan goes to Besra, but Raskan has readied Hellar. Feren tells him that Hellar views Arathan as his protector. Arathan knows he can't protect her from anything. Feren tells him Hellar doesn't know that. Arathan asks Feren why she's being nice to him and if its because his father asked her to be. She says no. He asks if their conversation was about him. She says it's private. She gets angry and asks if they will all have to wait for him to get into his saddle. Arathan regrets his words to Feren, but still feels humiliated by his father wondering if he thinks he needs a woman to take care of him even now. He wishes his father wouldn't have asked her to be his mother. He doesn't understand why his father cares at all, given that he hasn't participated in his life up to now. Sagander tries to give him some advice about Feren. Telling him that she doesn't mean him any good and that borderswords carry lice and disease.
Sagander decides to give Arathan a lesson on weakness and desire. Sagander says that weakness does not exist with the noblest of Tiste and that's why they are upper class. Lowly workers are weak and therefore deserve to remain low class. Weakness is a choice. Arathan asks Sagander if the fact that the forest has been completely cut bare does not turn a strength into a weakness as it was surely strength and determination that cut every tree down. Sagander responds that strength is always strength and weakness is always weakness and Arathan can ask no more questions. He says that Arathan doesn't understand and this is because he is a bastard. Arathan asks if that is his father's weakness. Sagander backhands Arathan in the mouth very hard. Arathan almost falls off his horse. Hellar responds by unmounting Sagander and stomping on his leg breaking his bones. Arathan, stunned, is able to rein in Hellar. The borderswords come back to the scene. Sagander's horse is dying on ground and Sagander is screaming. His thigh is a mess of broken bone and blood is pouring everywhere.
Rint helps Arathan off of his horse and Feren comes to him, her face dark with fury. Arathan thinks her look is directed at him and that he deserves it. She tells him that Rint saw, but Arathan has no idea what she's talking about. Draconus comes back and tells them to put the horse out of its misery and to bind Sagander's leg before he bleeds out. Galak tells Draconus they will have to cut off the leg and cauterize the blood vessels. Sagander might still die. Draconus asks Rint to walk with him and relate in detail what he saw. Feren is pushing against Arathan's chest and when he finally notices she tells him to lie down and that he has a concussion. Arathan asks Feren what happened. She tells him that Hellar knocked down Sagander's horse and smashed his leg. Hellar was about to smash his head, but Arathan was able to pull her back. Arathan thinks it's his fault, but Feren says no. He is a lord's son and Sagander should never have struck him. Even if he survives Draconus may choose to kill him. Arathan tells her he said the wrong thing and it's his fault. That he will defend Sagander to his father. He tells her he was weak. Her surprised face is all he sees before he loses consciousness.
POV: Ville
Ville has slaughtered Sagander's horse and is cooking the meat. Rint returns from his talk with Draconus. Ville comments that this is a bad omen. Rint tells Ville that he and Galak are to take Sagander to Abara Delack to the monks there. Then catch up. Ville asks about Draconus's judgment, but Rint doesn't know. He may still execute him after he has healed up. Arathan is still unconscious, but Feren says it's regular sleep now and he's tossing and turning. No fever though. Feren eludes to a secret conversation between her and her brother.
POV: Raskan
Raskan makes a blood broth for Sagander that is pretty gross, but may save his life. Draconus tells Raskan he may have erred in taking away Hellar from Arathan. Horse and boy are bonded absolutely now. Draconus chalks up Sagander's idiocy to old age and bitterness. Raskan says Draconus is more forgiving that he would be. Draconus cuts him off and says he hasn't forgiven anything. Draconus tells Raskan he forgets himself, but that he speaks from the heart so he will forgive it. Raskan thinks another lord may have had him beaten, but not Draconus. "Draconus did not work that way, and he met the eye of every soldier and every servant under his care" Draconus further comments that Raskan's boots are worn out and that moccasins are better suited for the forest. Raskan says he has none. Draconus gives him an old pair of his.
Draconus then looks at the stars and tells Raskan about distant worlds and black holes. Raskan thinks this must be taught in Kharkanas, but Draconus disabuses him of this though and tells him, "Do not let the title of scholar, or poet, or lord, intimidate you overmuch. More importantly, do not delude yourself into imagining that such men and women are loftier, or somehow cleverer or purer of integrity or ideal than you or any other commoner." He continues to discuss fear and darkness.
POV: Arathan
Arathan wakes in the middle of the night to find Feren sleeping beside him. Trying to think of anything but the warm body beside him he recalls Sagander's explanation for stars. Pin holes in the fabric of night. All tiste scholars agree on this. Feren takes the lead and has sex with Arathan. He is bewildered and has no idea where his penis is going. Eventually through her instruction he lost all rational thought and just enjoyed himself. She then teaches him how to return the favor.
POV: Rint
Rint hears it all. Feren had told him that Draconus made this request, but said she was free to deny and there would be no repercussions. She said she would think about it. Rint believes it is solely for her pleasure.
POV: Sagander
Sagander wakes in terrible pain and before he can scream, he finds Draconus's hand over his mouth. Draconus demands an explanation for why he struck Arathan. Sagander argues that he was defending his lord's honor. After relaying his lesson, Draconus is proud of Arathan for seeing through Sagander's idiocy and tells Sagander that he is right, Arathan is his weakness thus this trip. For giving Draconus something to be proud about, Sagander will not be executed. Rather healed and fired. Sagander is furious. He does not consider Arathan a highborn and therefore is not subject to the prohibition against striking highborns. In fact he's struck him countless times. He thinks about challenging his fate in Kharkanas, but discards this idea. Instead he focuses now on vengeance against Arathan and Draconus.
POV: Arathan
Arathan wakes to find himself alone. Remembering the events of the previous day his feeling of shame returns. But also a feeling of ecstasy. Arathan still thinks everything is his fault and he feels sorry for Sagander who is now on his way to Abara Delack. He thinks his father is furious with him. Finding Feren near the cookfire, she hands him a plate, but says nothing to him. He thinks he did it wrong and she doesn't want anything else to do with him. Raskan hands the reins of Besra to Arathan. Arathan thinks this means he is not good enough for a warhorse, but that isn't the case. Raskan tells him his father wants to talk to him. Today he will ride by his father's side. Draconus tells him he saved Sagander's life twice. Once when he pulled Hellar back after he was concussed and then when he said he was his father's weakness.
His father tells him to stop chewing his fingers as it may in fact lead to his death when sword-fighting. For some reason Draconus mentions however that soft fingers will please women. Arathan takes this as evidence that Feren has reported the previous nights events to Draconus. Draconus then goes on to explain why he must get Arathan as far away from Kurald Galain as possible. His enemies may use Arathan. His sisters are protected by the powerful family that their mother comes from, but not Arathan. Draconus says his enemies would try to turn Arathan against him. Draconus says, "you have no cause to love me, or feel any manner of loyalty towards me" Arathan responds that he did not know love needed a cause. This ends their conversation.
POV: Rint
Rint is angry about what Draconus has made his sister do. He is also angry for the secrecy of this journey. Ignorance leads to injury. He misses Ville and Galak who are taking Sagander to Abara Delack. This leaves only his sister to talk to, which he's not sure he wouldn't get really angry when talking to her. His mood is compounded by not knowing Bareth Solitude or the Azathanai. From what he knew they were solitary people that only came among the Tiste one at a time. They weren't interested in friends. Rint would even prefer the Jaghut over the Azathanai and that's saying something. The Jaghut had turned back the Jheleck at least. The Azathanai didn't seem to care about the Jheleck raids. Perhaps because the Jheleck never attacked Azathanai, stole no children, raped no women. They just stole stuff and burned down houses. The Azathanai did not care about this. "Wealth,’ they said, ‘is a false measure. Honour cannot be hoarded. Integrity cannot adorn a room. There is no courage in gold. Only fools build a fortress of wealth. Only fools would live in it and imagine themselves safe."
Draconus had climbed a rise beyond the river. He sees someone coming and that person is expected. Feren joins Rint at the river and wonders who the visitor might be. Rint takes this opportunity to get some anger out. He tells her Arathan is about the same age as her dead son would be. He immediately knows he has injured her and apologizes, but it's too late. Feren responds that children die and mothers get over it and that it was his father's fault. Rint sees the visitor and knows him as Grizzin Farl. a huge Azathanai of some Thel Akai blood. Known as the protector and the lone warrior among the Azathanai. Mate of Kilmandaros. Grizzin calls out to Draconus asking him, "Is this how you hide from all the world?"
POV: Arathan
Arathan observes that Grizzin Farl is full of life. He makes those around him happier. He introduces himself to everyone and when he clasps Arathan's arm he comments on it being a swordweilders arm. Grizzin tells Arathan that he may be the dagger that finds Draconus's heart. Arathan says he has no ambitions. Grizzin asks if he will hide forever and Arathan says yes. Grizzin talks about darkness being used as a weapon and reveals he is on his way to Kharkanas to see. Grizzin introduces himself to Feren on one knee and flirts with her in a self-effacing manor. She tells him her name and Grizzin says that her voice tells of tragedy and loss of hope. Feren is taken aback and says he's wrong.
Grizzin has brought ale and they all get drunk. Arathan wakes up hungover and notices Grizzin is not with them anymore. He wanted to find out more about darkness as a weapon and explore how Grizzin and his father's histories interwove. The night had seemed to do much to improve the morale of the party after their rocky start. Draconus says he is sorry he didn't warn Arathan about the ale. Arathan asks why Grizzin calls him friend. Draconus says he calls everyone friend and to drop it.
Location: Now we are back to Bareth Solitude
POV: Arathan
Arathan muses on how close he is to freedom now. He thinks that he will never stab his father in the back and that no one will use him as knife. Grizzin gave Arathan one piece of information. His Mother was still alive in great grief because she still loved him. He resolves to find her and steal her away. "And we will love each other, and from that love, there will be peace."

Hello, apologies in advance for this wall of text. I am here to get some feelings off my chest and process the emotions involved with having a dog that is dying. I would just like to hear folks' thoughts and opinions on how they've handled and dealt with the final days of their dogs' lives. I put a shorter, yet still long TLDR down there. I would appreciate your input and thoughts. I'm so sorry to all of you who have lost your pets and I'm hoping everyone is otherwise happy and healthy.
Indigo is my first dog. She is a 45 lb mixed breed (Australian cattle dog/staffie/chow) that I rescued from Tennessee and we have been inseparable since. I wanted a dog my whole life and so when I finally got my first full time job and had my own apartment, I adopted her when she was 11 months old. She just turned 9 in December. She had been really healthy for most of her life and we used to run 3-5 miles daily. She helped me lose 30 lbs and get into the best shape of my life one year. I traveled everywhere with her and took her backpacking and camping and canoeing and she made me fall in love with nature. She is everything I wanted in a dog. I taught her how to walk off leash in a busy city and everyone that met her loved her. She could chase a frisbee down the length of a football field and catch it out of mid air. She was smart, kind, athletic, caring, calming, generous, and just the best thing to ever happen to me. We had so many good times together and I just remember those as the best times of my life. I lived with her before my gf moved in with me. I worked hard and bought a house to give her a huge 1/2 acre backyard to play in. She was the flower girl at my wedding. She was amazing with babies and I always tell my wife we should have babies sooner because I want them to know Indigo. I cannot imagine my life without this dog and all of my hopes and dreams involve Indigo being there by my side.
As she got older, she started to slow down a little. At 7, her annual exam revealed arthritis in her front legs and the beginnings of hip dysplasia in one of her back legs. We transitioned away from high impact activities, tightened up her diet, and started giving her supplements for her joint health. She seemed to bounce back and we were able to do our daily walks and hikes and play sessions just fine. In the past two months I noticed her sometimes losing her balance or standing still but looking disoriented, with her head pulsing slowly (stroke?). I mentioned that to the vet and they said to let them know if it happens again but that it was probably nothing to worry about.
We had a beach weekend a few weeks ago and Indigo came back from it with an irritated eye. I had her checked at the vet and she was fine, told us it was probably some irritation. We got her senior bloodwork done during that appointment and I was told one of her liver enzyme ALP was elevated so they want us to come back in with her fasted to repeat the test. The repeat test showed the enzyme went up even more. The raised 3rd eyelid turned into a stuffy nose which got bad really fast, to the point where I was worried she wasn't getting enough oxygen. The intake nurse went over CPR codes and this was the first time I even considered that this may be the end for her. She strongly recommended with everything Indigo had going on, that they code her red for DNR but I couldn't handle that emotionally and asked her to be coded yellow.
I took her to the emergency, where they did a full workup and told me she has:

1. A leaky heart with low contractility, which means she may not be getting enough blood, potentially causing her to have strokes.
2. Multiple nodules on her spleen and liver that need to be biopsied with an invasive procedure to see if they are cancerous or not.
3. Sludge in her gallbladder that she will need to take meds for for the rest of her life.
4. A nodule on her adrenal gland on her kidney producing too much cortisol
5. Potentially something in her nose/face/brain area that is putting pressure and causing neurological symptoms.
6. Potentially a nasal / respiratory infection but they don't know what.

All the tests and having to be boarded for 2 days came to a total cost of around $5,000.
Their recommendation is:

1. Get an MRI at a local center to the tune of $4K-$5K for the MRI along with a $300 consult fee to confirm if there are any masses in her brain/face/nose area
2. Based on those findings, decide on whether or not she should be put under anesthesia to get the livespleen biopsies done
3. More blood work to test for thyroid issues because they forgot to do that one and "it could be another piece of the puzzle".

When I got her back she was stumbling, unable to walk straight, bumping into things, her third eyelid on the unaffected eye was raised very high and red. She refuses to eat or drink anything, I even tried tempting her with all her favorites and peanut butter and human food but no interest. I've been using a syringe to squirt water into her mouth so she will drink and most of the time she tries to cough it back but I've been able to get some water in her this way. The emergency vet gave us wet food to give her and I've had to kind of force it down. I feel so bad that she doesn't want to eat or drink anything. She's lost like 10 lbs and all I feel is skin and bones on her. Everything I read online when I try searching all these symptoms is that she's dying, her organs are shutting down, and she has no sensation of hunger or thirst. She looks so sad, will lay in the same spot for hours at a time. She sometimes raises her head and nuzzles me and my heart can't take her suffering anymore.
I spoke to the MRI place and they gathered some more info on Indigo and told me about the MRI procedure. I've had 4 myself, so I'm not worried about it but I'm wary of the practice. After confirming my appointment he told me about where to park while they work on their "state of the art facility that is being constructed and when finished will be a 18,000 sq ft facility with various specialties under one roof...". What I'm getting at is that it sounded very promotional and clearly they have the money to build a brand new building so it's not like the $5K cost for the MRI is going towards paying back the machine, which was my impression as to why MRIs are so expensive.
I'm not a veterinarian and I am not looking for medical advice here, but based on all the info I have in front of me, it seems like my dog has late stage metastatic cancer. Confirmed nodules in the liver and spleen and potentially more nodules in the nose/brain area...I can't think of anything else that could cause multiple organs to develop nodules within the course of a few weeks. The fact that all these symptoms came on so suddenly is so scary but I think it's pretty clear my dog is dying as much as I don't want to admit that.
I have been paying Healthy Paws for her insurance since I had her, $35/mo when we started and I now pay $122 /mo. We get 90% reimbursement after a $250 deductible. I got it because I didn't want to have to think about making hard decisions when it came to getting care for her but all in all, because she was pretty healthy, I didn't even end up using it until her hip displaysia symptoms that came up a few years ago and even then, we only broke even on the insurance that year. While researching today I came upon the term "stop-treatment point", which is "the dollar amount at which clients refuse treatment or choose to stop treatment for their pets". Apparently it was $1407 in 2009 and $1704 in 2012. I can not find any information about that figure in more recent years, but I can guarantee it has to be at least double that by now. https://www.dvm360.com/view/veterinary-practices-performing-more-euthanasias-despite-increase-stop-treatment-point#
TLDR; I have spent ~$5,000 for an emergency visit that gave no definitive answer on why my 9 year old 45 lb dog is being lethargic, refusing to eat or drink, loosing her coordination and the ability to walk or even stand up straight. They want me to spend $5,000 more for an MRI to get more information and possibly rule more things out. After the MRI there will probably be even more tests they want us to do. From the information they have found and given us so far, she has a weak heart that's not pumping well, multiple organs that have potentially malignant tumors (kidney, liver, spleen), and an unexplained nasal/respiratory illness. They don't want to do the biopsy because it's more invasive and would rather us do the MRI to rule things out before moving forward with the biopsy under anesthesia. To me that sounds like late stage metastatic cancer and the nasal thing is secondary maybe due to a weak immune system.
We thankfully have pet insurance (90% reimbursement, $250 ded). While the peace of mind from having pet insurance is making it easier to say yes to having endless diagnostics and treatments, I'm beginning to think that it is working against me now. As if running up the vet bill and getting paid will make me feel like I got my money's worth and that feeling is driving me to agree to all these invasive procedures. The cynical part of me thinks the vet practices see this as an opportunity to milk some money from the insurance company, all the while I am accepting of all this because of the perception that I am doing "everything I can to save my dog" but really I feel like I am just subjecting her to more suffering.
But here's the thing, Indigo hated being in the emergency for those two days. I don't want the last weeks of her life being spent being put under anesthesia and cut up and hair shaved just to be told we don't know, you need to pay $5K more for some testing and maybe we can rule out some other things. I love my dog and I don't want her to pass on. I am in denial because I've had 4 knee surgeries in the last 3 years and Indigo and I missed out on a lot of the trips we had planned because I was always recovering. I am writing this out so that my brain will start processing it ahead of time. I refuse to leave her side but I am scared to look at her sometimes because I feel like the next time I look, she won't be breathing. I have to force her to take food and water and she just lays in one spot. She can't move about without bumping into things or collapsing every other step. I haven't seen her smile in a week. She sleeps very peacefully though, and I have caught her running in her dreams and that makes me feel a little better.
If it is time for me to end her suffering, why won't they just tell me that? Am I being too cynical? How did things go when your beloved pets were passing away? How does euthanasia work? How did your vet handle things? Thanks in advance for your kindness and empathy. What do you do with your dead dog's body?

Fortune opened the door to “Nezumi’s Spirits”, it was just past dawn, and they wanted to go watch the Junior’s competition before they got into the Arena. She was surprised to see quite a few extra people in the shop. Tambori and Faedrin were heating up Tambori’s tea, Irezumi was working out. Fortune was surprised to see a small, beautiful but pale woman sitting behind Echo, working with an ink covered needle and scribing in a tattoo. She didn’t have too long to watch uncomfortably as a very large man with a mask on was suddenly directly infront of her.
“Dad! It’s ok, that’s Fortune and Chance. They are expected.” The large man took his mask off, and wore a dumb smile on his face. He bowed to Fortune, his clouded eyes not seeming to see her, though it was obvious that he knew exactly where she was.
“Oh, so YOU’RE Fortune and Chance.” The man said, “It is good to meet you. I am Hibiki Nezumi.” He pointed to the small pale woman. “That is my wife, Lenore. Echo and Irezumi’s mother.”
Lenore stopped, took a moment to clean her tools, and stood, wiping off her hands. She gave a bow to Fortune and Chance. “It is good to meet you.” She said. She opened her mouth to say more, but Hibiki moved very suddenly. Fortune blinked and saw two young men hanging from either of Hibiki’s hands. Lenore laughed a moment and continued. “ This is Obake, and Rei. They are a few of the siblings that have come to watch Echo, Irezumi and Sakusei.” She put her finger in her mouth and whistled. From the back room came a parade of children. First, two girls, obviously twins as they were Identical, even down to the way they walked. They were holding two babies. “This is Kuro and Shiro. They are holding the newest of the their siblings, Sora and Riku.” Following them, were two more children, about 5 years old. “This is Neko and Karasu.” Next a young girl with a very serious face, she dressed oddly, compared to the rest. While they seemed to wear clothes of whites, blacks and browns.. This girl was dressed in pinks and greens. She gave a small curtsy as she was introduced. But no smile appeared on her face. “This is Sakusei’s sister, Sugure.” Finally, one more girl, about 16 years old, who looked like an identical clone of her mother. “And this is Majo.”
Fortune and Chance bowed deeply. “It is nice to meet you all.” Fortune said, she looked back at Echo, who was still seated on a stool at the end of the counter. “You really think getting a tattoo before the games today is a good idea?”
Echo shrugged, and patted the back of his shoulder with a Saki soaked cloth, then sprinkled some salt over it. “Mom’s been working on this piece for a long time. So, we take the opportunity when we can.” He said.
“That reminds me.” Lenore remembered. She went behind the counter and got a small scrap of paper, and drew a complex Character on it. She handed the paper to Fortune. “This is how you write ‘Echo’. Be careful, this little line is very important.” she pointed out the small line.
“Mom.. Geez..” Echo complained, the other kids and Irezumi laughed openly.
“What?” Lenore said. “It’s important for her to know. If she doesn’t put that line in, then it’s Hibiki.. and I don’t want her to make that mistake.”
“I’m sorry.” Fortune interrupted. “What? That little line is the difference between ‘Echo’ and ‘Hibiki’?”
“At home, in our language,” Lenore explained. “the word ‘Hibiki’ means ‘Echo’ in your language. I guess you could say, that Echo’s real name is ‘Hibiki Nezumi jr.’ but we found that confusing, so we call him Echo.”
“Oh, so, does ‘Irezumi’ mean ‘Lenore’?” Fortune asked.
“No.” Irezumi said simply, between pull ups.
“Oh…” Fortune said, after waiting for an explanation that didn’t seem to be coming. “So.. Why are you giving this to me?” She asked Lenore.
“For when the time is right.” She said, and patted Fortune’s hand. “Now, you all get moving. I don’t want you to miss out on the matches.”
“Majo, are you sure you don’t want to come? I can ask someone to watch the store, or we can just close down for the day.” Echo asked his sister
“Are you going to lose today?” Majo asked.
“Of course not.” Echo replied.
“Then I will get to see the next one, and Obake and Rei can watch the store then.” Majo said.
“Pfft.. Fat Chance.” One of the boys, still hanging from their father’s hands said.
Echo rolled his eyes at his brothers. “We will close the store until Sakusei’s match is over, and then I’ll open back up for the intermission. I would like you to be there.”
Majo smiled at her brother. “Thank you.” She said simply, and picked up a light cloak from a peg on the wall.
“Now.. We just have to wait for our Vanguard replacements to come… THEN we can leave.” Echo said.
**************************************************************************
Sakusei sent a series of clicks and whistles to Scraps.
“I have some food.” Scraps said, digging an old wedge of cheese out of his bag and brushing the worst of the mold off. He offered it to Sakusei.
Sakusei clicked again.
“Oh, yeah, I mean, if you want to try them, I guess.” Scraps said. “This way.”
Scraps led the young boy out of the contestants area, and out of the arena. They stopped in front of a street cart where a man was frying noodles.
“Two please! Extra onions and sprouts!” Scraps ordered. The man just nodded and started adding things into his wok.
“You think we’ll be able to catch up?” Scraps asked Sakusei. “I mean, in the points.. I guess we should have made a mistake.. Is that weird? I mean, to make a mistake on purpose, just for points?”
“You should ask your mom that.” A deep laugh came from behind the pair, along with the insult. “She would know about making mistakes.”
Scraps and Sakusei turned around to find a large Goliath boy, from one of the other teams laughing at them.
“How stupid do you have to be? Didn’t your coach tell you that you get points for fighting monsters? Besides, they were just goblins.” The boy ribbed. “I mean.. you didn’t even try.. Pretty sure you two should go tell your team to quit now. You should have been out earlier. Doubt you’re gonna catch up now.”
Sakusei gently pushed Scraps behind him, and growled threateningly at the Goliath boy, his eyes glued to the mask that the boy wore on the side of his head.
The boy and his friends roared with laughter, as Sakusei reached for his sword. “Go ahead, stupid. Bare steel and stab me in the street. It will disqualify you from the games. Do it.. then you can go home and cry to your mommy.”
Sakusei let his hand drop from his sword, but his glare, and growl remained.
“Sakusei! Scraps!” The Voice of Mr. Threadspinner called. They turned as he rushed up. He paid the noodle man a few coins, and handed Scraps and Sakusei their noodles. “Come on.. The Games are about to start!” He ushered them away, and back to their seats.
*******************************************************************************
“Welcome back to the Main Event!” The announcer’s voice echoed over the crowd. “For the First task in the Qadar Games. Our teams will have to secure a treasure!” a large cloud of mist suddenly filled the interiour of the Arena. After a moment or two, a gust of wind blew the mist away, revealing a rocky crag. Coiled around a the top of the Crag, the sibiliant form of a Basilisk curled around a golden egg. At the bottom of the rock, a large group of gnolls yipped and howled. “It seems this tribe of Gnolls has located a powerful Basilisk to worship as their tribes deity. It’s up to our adventurers to capture the egg before it can hatch and fullfill a dark prophecy!”
Tambori was simply a wreck. “A Basilisk? Who do they think we are? This is FAR too dangerous for a game.”
Irezumi and Echo glanced at each other. “It looks like a big snake.” Irezumi said.
“It IS a big snake.” Faedrin said.
Fortune sighed. “It’s a big snake that will turn you to stone if you look it in the eye. It’s very good at getting you to do it.”
Echo just nodded and began loosening up his shoulders.
Irezumi eyed the rock and the Gnolls. “If you can get me there, muscles here and I can get the egg back.” Irezumi pointed at Fortune with her thumb.
Echo turned around to face his team. “What do you all think?”
Faedrin thought for a moment. “Did you guys watch the juniors this morning?” she asked and they all nodded. “So.. Like, Sakusei’s team finished first.. but they didn’t get the most points.. I’m thinking this is similar. I’m betting we get additional points for every different ‘task’ we do. Like, I’m guessing that we’ll have to take the egg and place it in some sort of ‘safe zone’. That’s our timer. We get minimum points for simply completing the task. But, should we defeat the Basilisk and/or the Gnolls.. I’m guessing there are bonus points.”
Echo nodded in agreement. “I’m thinking the same thing.” He looked over at Tambori. “How long do you think you could hold off the Gnolls?”
************************************************************************
“You’re sure about this?” Fortune asked, holding Echo’s mask as he tied a blindfold on. “You’re going to take on a Basilisk, blindfolded and alone.”
“Blindfolded? Yes.” Echo said, making the last knot in his blindfold. “ Alone? Not exactly.”
“You get us up there, we’ll get the egg back here.” Irezumi said, pouring a bowl of sake, and placing it in the dirt, about ten feet from the “return zone” for the egg. “We’ll hold the Gnolls till you’re done, or they are.” She looked up to a cloudless sky. “I wish it were raining.” she said.
“You WANT rain?” Tambori asked, a bit wild around the eyes.
“Yeah…” Irezumi said with a slight thoughtful frown. “You ok, Tambori?”
“This is just.. Alot..” Tambori said, shaking from the nerves. “There are so many people.. and this is such an important thing..”
“Hey!” Irezumi shouted suddenly, taking Tambori by the shoulders. “We don’t have room for fear, here. If you drop your mind into a lake of ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybe I should haves’ you’re going to lose it. It doesn’t matter if we have to fight a Basilisk, or Gnolls. Or if it’s a Hundred of each. The reality is, That’s what we have to do. So, it’s time to go to work.”
Tambori calmed herself. “You’re right.. No fear… No fear..” She took a deep breath, and gave a little smile. “You said, you wanted rain? I’ll bring you rain.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” Irezumi said, slapping her hard on the shoulder.
“How much time do you need?” Echo asked Tambori.
“I’ll need a minute to lay out the field. After that, it’s game on.” Tambori said.
“Faedrin, Chance…” Echo addressed the other two. “You guys able to defend Tambori for a while until Fortune and Irezumi get back?”
Chance just nodded. Faedrin glanced around to get her bearings. “I’m betting those Gnolls will wait until we try and take the egg. But even if they don’t, yes.”
“Is she really going to make it rain?” Irezumi leaned over and asked Fortune.
“She’s a Windsong.” Fortune said as if that explained everything. Irezumi simply gave her a flat stare. “So, most of the Vanguard follows Jax, the traveler. However, thats not a requirement to join the guild. Tambori is from a family that follows more than one power. The windsongs follow the Path, and The Storm. If she says she’s bringing rain. Get ready for it.”
Irezumi nodded, and Echo put his mask on over his blindfold. “We ready?” he asked
The others voiced their agreement.
Echo raised a hand toward the Judges, signalling that they were ready for their turn. A crisp clear bell sounded, signalling them to start.
Echo sprinted forward, drawing his sword. His free hand making motions as he ran, and he was suddenly flanked by four other beings, seemingly made of dark ink.
Fortune tensed to follow after him, but Irezumi reached out and put her hand on Fortune’s shoulder. “Bring the rain, Tambori.. You’re up.”
Tambori nodded and began her somatic movements. She added her mana to her movements, and clouds began to circle overhead. After a few seconds drops of rain began to fall.
“He’s reached the Gnolls.” Faedrin said, keeping her eyes on Echo. He parried a few strikes, but simply ran through them, and began bounding up the rock, dodging strikes from the basilisk.
“Get ready, muscles.” Irezumi said. “I hope you don’t get motion sickness. This is gonna be weird.”
Echo made it to the top of the rock, and leapt on the creature’s head. He stomped on it, and the Basilisk reared up, throwing him high into the air. Echo grabbed a bottle from his hip, and when he was over the egg, he threw the bottle. It broke right next to the egg.
“Alright, we’re on.” Irezumi said, her hand slid down Fortune’s arm and grasped her wrist. “Try not to puke.” She stepped into the bowl of Sake at her feet, and pulled Fortune with her.
Fortune felt like she was picked up, rolled into a ball, and thrown across a room. The spinning stopped and she realized her feet were on stone, and she was directly infront of the egg. “Pick it up!” Irezumi shouted, as she dodged a swipe from the Basilisk’s tail.
Fortune caught sight of Echo, he and his ink clones were harrasing the head of the giant snake. Slashing and stabbing, keeping it’s attention on him. “How does he…” She started to ask..
“It’s the sound.. He has really good ears!” Irezumi interrupted. “Now, stop oggling my brother and pick that damn egg up so we can get out of here!”
Fortune shook herself from her wonderment, and picked upt the large golden egg. It was extreemly heavy. “Got it.” She said, gritting her teeth.
“Good.” Irezumi said, returning to her side. “Hang on.” She took her arm again and stepped into a puddle of Sake and rainwater.
Fortune found herself back with the others. She went to set the egg down. “Watch it!” Irezumi said, and changed her angle a little bit so she would set the egg outside of the Safe zone. “Don’t want to end the fun just yet.”
“Here they come!” Faedrin said. Fortune looked up, to see all of the Gnolls charging their way. She could see Echo and his clones still fighting the Giant Basilisk.
“Looks like they made a poor choice.” Tambori said, as she finished her movements.. “Now this is MY show.” She said. Planting a foot down hard. She pulled her cloak off, and tightened a strap around her thigh. Fortune saw small nails on the inside of the strap bite into her skin. A loud crash of lightning came and struck her outstretched hand. Her mana rolled out of her as she started singing.
https://youtu.be/1EtDH3SYGJU
**************************************************************************
Venriath looked with interest at the games going on down below. He sat with Alonzo and Jynx, with both of them stealing his popcorn.
“Is that guy putting on a blindfold?” Jynx asked.
“Yup.. you know.. so he can’t see it’s eyes.” Alonzo said, stuffing more popcorn in his face.
“I get that.” Jynx said, “but, how is he going to get to the beast?”
“I dunno…” Alonzo said. “I guess that’s his problem.”
Jynx rolled her eyes.
“I’m more interested in what she’s doing.” Venriath said. “She’s prepping a transmutation field, but it’s huge. I can’t imagine what she’s going to be transmuting.”
“Herself.” Laurana said, as she sat down next to Alonzo, she handed Venriath some nachos.
“I doubt that highly.” Venriath said. “That’s extrodinarily dangerous. Like, remember when Noxian used to do that? I thought my heart would stop every time.”
Laurana laughed. “Why don’t you take a good look at her.”
Venriath did so, in truth, she looked a lot like a very tan Laurana. “I mean, she’s a Windsong.. I just assumed that you know. You and Alonzo…”
“Oh yes..” Laurana said. “When he sacrificed himself, he did, indeed leave me expecting. Which, we still have to talk about.” She said with a warning tone. “However.. That was hundreds of Generations ago. It just so happens, that Noxian’s blood also follows the Windsong name.”
Venriath paled a bit. “So, she can channel her power like Noxian.”
Laurana smiled and nodded.. “And she has my voice.”
Venriath paled a bit more. “So.. She can adjust her transformations with Spellsong? Wouldn’t that run the risk of a feedback loop?”
Laurana laughed. “Yup.. It’s pretty.. Dramatic.” She said and pointed.
Tambori began to sing, Her form elongated and her joints distorted. Electric arcs leapt from her body to the nearest Gnolls. On of her fist enlarged, and became like a shiney metal, that immediately heated up. She swung her huge fist, impacting several of the charging dogs. Her other hand raised and a huge fireball detonated in the main host of enemies.
The others closed ranks around the egg and began to hold off the few Gnolls that got past Tambori. Chance and Fortune ranged a bit, preferring to meet their challengers aggressively. The Two Aristi’s proving to be just as deadly as their name suggests. Faedrin stood guard with Irezumi at the Egg, only occaisionally having to use her shield to block an arrow, or make a few cuts against the lucky gnoll that managed to avoid the others.
It took only a few moments, before the Gnolls were gone, and shortly after, Echo drove his sword through the Basilisks skull, and rode the body down as it collapsed. He removed his blindfold as he returned to his party. He nodded to Fortune and Chance, and the twins picked up the egg, and placed it in the Safe zone, ending the task.

SW222 CW 210. Female 35, 5'7" PCOS. 2.5mg. Started 4/29/24. I have struggled for years to lose weight. I felt hungry all the time. I didn't eat junk food or fast food. Just the occasional sugar. I gained weight at times uncontrollably. I have some sort of insulin something too so many foods made me sluggish and gain easily. Honestly didn't really get that checked out when I probably should have. I just avoided foods that made me 'crash'.
Until now! I just did my 4th shot this morning so I am just 3 weeks in. Hunger is at bay! I haven't been working out (I plan to get on this more.) Just making sure to get enough protein (Fairlife and chicken has been my saviors, I eat Real Good chicken strips for when I am too busy to cook). Drinking lots of water and for electrolytes I drink some LMNT watermelon (not even a packet a day since it can get pretty sweet and salty when you do the whole thing!) No crashes after eating since I started too! I got 5mg for my next dose in the mail soon and I planned on waiting to see if I would need to move up, but I am staying on 2.5 until my losses slow! I do like the idea that I can titrate up if needed.
I have been weighing everyday since I am an excel and numbers geek and I use the app Monitor Your Weight. It has trend lines and is just a simple free little app. I do sometimes track food with MyFitnessPal when I feel like I have to but protein and veggies are my main food typically (a little fruit) so the only struggle is making sure I had enough protein and food for the day when I don't feel too hungry.
This weekend I had tons of events to go to and I ate some sweets and still lost weight. I literally just cannot overeat nor do I want to! I tend to just pick at my plate a lot nowadays.
I use Emerge and the pharmacy I get my compound from is Hallendale. The first shot was nerve-wracking but it didn't hurt! I forgot to swirl the vial but it definitely still works! I did L thigh, R thigh, R stomach, L stomach (this AM). I plan on going in this shot order every month. The only issues I ever had was the first week having some diarrhea. I added fiber to start and now I don't even add it and it's fine. The shots to the stomach definitely bloat me for a few hours but it's not too bad, it goes away.
Just wanted to share my starting success and how excited I am to be on this journey! GW maybe 140. Hard to tell since I cannot even comprehend what my body will look like at that weight!
This already truly feels like a miracle! Good luck to everyone!

SW222 CW 210. Female 35, 5'7" PCOS. 2.5mg. Started 4/29/24. I have struggled for years to lose weight. I felt hungry all the time. I didn't eat junk food or fast food. Just the occasional sugar. I gained weight at times uncontrollably. I have some sort of insulin something too so many foods made me sluggish and gain easily. Honestly didn't really get that checked out when I probably should have. I just avoided foods that made me 'crash'.
Until now! I just did my 4th shot this morning so I am just 3 weeks in. Hunger is at bay! I haven't been working out (I plan to get on this more.) Just making sure to get enough protein (Fairlife and chicken has been my saviors, I eat Real Good chicken strips for when I am too busy to cook). Drinking lots of water and for electrolytes I drink some LMNT watermelon (not even a packet a day since it can get pretty sweet and salty when you do the whole thing!) No crashes after eating since I started too! I got 5mg for my next dose in the mail soon and I planned on waiting to see if I would need to move up, but I am staying on 2.5 until my losses slow! I do like the idea that I can titrate up if needed.
I have been weighing everyday since I am an excel and numbers geek and I use the app Monitor Your Weight. It has trend lines and is just a simple free little app. I do sometimes track food with MyFitnessPal when I feel like I have to but protein and veggies are my main food typically (a little fruit) so the only struggle is making sure I had enough protein and food for the day when I don't feel too hungry.
This weekend I had tons of events to go to and I ate some sweets and still lost weight. I literally just cannot overeat nor do I want to! I tend to just pick at my plate a lot nowadays.
I use Emerge and the pharmacy I get my compound from is Hallendale. The first shot was nerve-wracking but it didn't hurt! I forgot to swirl the vial but it definitely still works! I did L thigh, R thigh, R stomach, L stomach (this AM). I plan on going in this shot order every month. The only issues I ever had was the first week having some diarrhea. I added fiber to start and now I don't even add it and it's fine. The shots to the stomach definitely bloat me for a few hours but it's not too bad, it goes away.
Just wanted to share my starting success and how excited I am to be on this journey! GW maybe 140. Hard to tell since I cannot even comprehend what my body will look like at that weight!
This already truly feels like a miracle! Good luck to everyone!