Prednisone psychosis effexor

I’ve been taking vyvanse for about a month, and recently my doctor upped my dosage to 60 from 30. Im also on Effexor which I’ve been on for almost 2 years.
I do have pretty bad ocd and one of my major themes/ fear is that I will go into psychosis. Which is a reason I left my ADHD unmedicated for years. My family doesn’t have a history of psychosis that I know of but my dad may be bipolar but never got evaluated.
With this high dose and my anti depressant will I possibly go into psychosis ?? ( I also especially worry about triggering a psychotic episode on days I don’t get much sleep bc of my demanding job)

I’ve been taking vyvanse for about a month, and recently my doctor upped my dosage to 60 from 30. Im also on Effexor which I’ve been on for almost 2 years.
I do have pretty bad ocd and one of my major themes/ fear is that I will go into psychosis. Which is a reason I left my ADHD unmedicated for years. My family doesn’t have a history of psychosis that I know of but my dad may be bipolar but never got evaluated.
With this high dose and my anti depressant will I possibly go into psychosis ?? ( I also especially worry about triggering a psychotic episode on days I don’t get much sleep bc of my demanding job)

I’ve been taking vyvanse for about a month, and recently my doctor upped my dosage to 60 from 30. Im also on Effexor which I’ve been on for almost 2 years.
I do have pretty bad ocd and one of my major themes/ fear is that I will go into psychosis. Which is a reason I left my ADHD unmedicated for years. My family doesn’t have a history of psychosis that I know of but my dad may be bipolar but never got evaluated.
With this high dose and my anti depressant will I possibly go into psychosis ?? ( I also especially worry about triggering a psychotic episode on days I don’t get much sleep bc of my demanding job)

Hi, I am currently on the path to find a medication which works for me. Sadly my depression is so severe I have anhedonia, unable to function as an adult (I literally have issues just sitting down and being productive, issues with executive function) and more.
I’m taking Anafranil 75mg + Vraylar 1.5mg daily and tried a bunch of other meds prior. Ive been hospitalized 3 times due to psychosis from Paxil and Effexor (both maximum doses). I have been working last year for a good 6 months but only half-time and strictly from home-office. Right now I am unemployed.
Please tell me that I wont be disabled all my life. I am an electrical engineer in the microchip industry, graduated summa cum laude and more. Right now I am a husk of my former self. I’m trying every day to feel better or at least be able to sit down for long periods of time at the computer, but I am just unable to. I get irritated, I am slow, no apetite, caffeine and nicotine doesnt kick, libido is zero, genital numbness and ED.
Please tell me things are going to be better and I’m going to be functional again. I desperately want to be able to work. At least I wanna work. I dont even care if I’m not happy. Just have the physical and mental ability to work 40h/week from the office. I used to love work. It is my hobby as well. But right now I dont even want to hear of work. Money is starting to be tight and I literally cannot imagine how the hell I will be able to work in this state I am in.
Have you heard of a depression so severe like mine? Does everyone get better for real?
I have a psychiatrist Im visiting weekly to adjust my meds, but somehow I just dont feel like any of them doing a thing. Paxil worked well initially for OCD and depression, but after my 1st hospital visit I’m just not feeling myself at all. And sadly I do have suicidal ideation (no Im not going to do it, just having these thoughts irritate me)

So I’ve been diagnosed bipolar 1 for the last 20 years. I’ve discussed my doubts about it with the 5 psychiatrists I’ve seen over the years and each time they either argued with me or poo-poo’ed it based on one “manic” episode.
My original diagnosis: 20 years ago (age 17) I had one hospitalization for psychosis after taking a week’s worth of Zoloft in one sitting due to SI. I went to the ER that night and went into a full blown psychotic episode followed by a hospitalization. Seroquel restored me to my pre-hospitalization baseline without side effects. I was discharged without any diagnosis and continued outpatient treatment for a couple of months. The psychiatrist told me he didn’t think there would be a need to continue Seroquel so I went off. Also fell off on treatment because of this. 3 years later I went to a new psychiatrist in a different state due to issues with anxiety and depression (my original reason for getting on Zoloft). He diagnosed me with bipolar disorder within 15 mins and the rest was history. He wasn’t a very talkative fellow but he put me on 800mg of Seroquel and Effexor 150, which did help my anxiety significantly…
New diagnosis: Last month I went for a psychological evaluation to see if I have ADHD and received a full comprehensive eval. for diagnostic clarification… it included a 2 hour interview with lots of assessments. The doc’s impression was that I have PDD (more along the lines of MDD) with GAD. She directly challenged the bipolar diagnosis because of the nature of my one psychotic episode which to her sounded more like substance-induced psychotic disorder. Also the fact that I’ve had no manic or hypomanic episodes in 20 years supported her reasoning. Ultimately, DSM-5 doesn’t support a bipolar diagnosis.
This is exactly what I’ve been saying for years. I still think it could be possible that I’m somewhere on the bipolar spectrum (depression and anxiety) but definitely not bipolar 1. If anything, my symptoms align more with bipolar 2 (which is why I hangout here), but I’ve never been hypomanic.
Not certain where I go from here but I now have a 15 page report from a Psy D. that psychiatrists will have to contend with. So I guess a medication re-evaluation is in order.

I’m on 225 mg of Effexor and used to be on 300 for 3 years. I recently started taking it at night and realized how aggressively my mood changes when I take it.
I’ve have overdosed on my meds in the past but the drs continued to give me more, I have seizures and psychosis and am worried I may have serotonin syndrome.
I am very disabled and have been in and out of homelessness so it’s been really hard to get a regular dr but I need to know the fastest way to get off this medication as it not only gives me horrible effects, but it counteracts the antipsychotics I need to be on. I’m terrified of this medication the withdrawals have made me get hospitalized like 4 times. I’m so scared of drs at this point as they don’t really listen to someone that looks like me at all. last three hospitals showed nothing but misogyny, acting like I don’t know my own diagnosis even tho I’m on disability for it. If any dr did blood tests or listened to me or knew anything about this stupid medication they’d know it’s a horrible fit for me especially 17 yr old me.
I am terrified any advice would help at least ease my nerves plz tell me some of you got off this.

I have posted a few times in comments on here in regards to my journey of quitting Effexor. However I wanted to write my own post to offer insight to others on how it affected, but also helped me. \ \ LEADING UP TO STARTING EFFEXOR\ \ I have suffered from severe social anxiety, panic attacks, and mild depression since my early 20’s. I couldn’t leave my house for years. I struggled in public. I lost my job that I held dearly. I faulted in my first long term relationship and burdened those involved. I couldn’t go into a public setting or store without knowing where the exit was, how far it would be from me at all times, and have the car key in my hand at all times in the event I had to book-it to the car in the midst of panic.\ I wasn’t living. That isn’t life. That’s not at all how life is supposed to be.\ I toyed around with a lot of the homeopathic remedies and over the counter medications. Nothing seemed to help me get a grip on the hold that anxiety had on my life. I finally chalked up the courage to seek professional help in my late 20’s. I started on Lexapro, which worked wonders, for about a month. I was then switched to Zoloft, which did absolutely nothing. Then, I discovered Effexor. At the time, all I knew was that it is an SNRI. Having high hopes, I expected greatness that an SNRI would work better for me, as it works different in the brain compared to an SSRI. \ \ WHILE ON EFFEXOR\ \ Effexor did in fact help. It took some time, but I felt like I finally had my life back. I started getting out. I could go in places again. I regained confidence. I felt like I could flourish and finally be myself again.\ I am forever thankful that Effexor helped me achieve the feeling of being whole again. I’m thankful it helped me cope with the things I once struggled with for so long. I felt…like me.\ \ ~3 YEARS IN (2021-2024)\ \ I began to start noticing changes in me and my body after being on Effexor for 3 years. Things like always overheating, night sweats, high blood pressure (extreme at times), dull and numbness to emotions, libido issues, and dependency like an addict on drugs (if I missed my dose by 30 minutes). My dose was increased 2 times. 75mg to 150mg, 150mg to 225mg. It wasn’t until the end of 2023 that I had started tossing around the idea of tapering off of Effexor, and I started doing research. That’s when I found this subreddit; and that’s when I found the horrendous truths about Effexor with those who are trying to quit, and the effects it has on the body. I began researching options of other antidepressants, as I was sick and tired of feeling the way I did on Effexor. I found other options, such as Prozac (Fluoxetine), to be effective in helping the bridging process while tapering, so I kept that in the back of my mind. I continued taking Effexor up until I finally decided to throw in the towel…\ \ QUITTING/TAPERING BEGAN\ \ March 1st, 2024: I dropped from 225mg to 150mg.\ March 21st, 2024: I dropped from 150mg to 75mg.\ Mid April, 2024: I dropped from 75mg to 37.5mg.\ Late April, 2024: I started removing ~10% beads from the capsules each day.\ April 26th, 2024: I quit Effexor.\ \ WITHDRAWLS\ \ Withdrawals dropping to 150 and 75mg were minimal. It consisted of mainly brain jolt/zaps, balance issues, and disorientation in thoughts. Withdrawals dropping to 37.5mg were the worst for me. These consisted of moments of psychosis, nausea, extreme paranoia (especially at night), and jarring hallucinations. After quitting entirely, I had two night episodes of paranoia. Since then, I have developed a very aggravating, pulling, but yet dull pain in my lower right abdomen that sometimes radiates to my back and right hip. Physical exams didn’t suggest appendicitis, or any other life threatening issues when seen by urgent care. The only thought left was it was potentially a bad symptom of withdrawals that is affecting the GI tract. It only occurs at night, after eating, and randomly at times, which feels like the inside of my right abdomen is being squeezed. It’s not immobilizing, or hurt when walking, but merely an annoyance and a concern, as abdominal pain can be a sign of many things (hooray for being a hypochondriac). This, and brain jolt, are among the only few remaining withdrawals I’m experiencing. Heightened anxiety and panic are setting back in during times of being in public or outside doing yard work.\ \ PSYCH APPOINTMENT\ \ I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today regarding the abdominal pain, since urgent care recommended to do so in suspicion that it’s linked to withdrawals. My psychiatrist said GI issues are known during Effexor but she has not received many patients state that it occurred after tapering off of Effexor. This has me concerned that something else is wrong with me, but hoping it’s just a small withdrawal issue. She has prescribed me 20mg of Prozac, which I will start at 12pm today (May 10th). I’m a little nervous switching back onto an antidepressant, as my pride is getting in the way of wanting to be on any antidepressant after successfully tapering off of Effexor. However, I have heard good things about Prozac, and hopefully it can help alleviate some of the issues reappearing and also help with the withdrawals.\ \ TL;DR\ Quitting is possible. However, please do so with caution and not without supervision or medical advice like I did. Withdrawals will affect everyone differently, some severe, some not severe. Be mindful of your body and mind, study your body’s response during tapering so you can gauge when YOU feel comfortable to taper down another level. Know the associated risks and side effects to come, and be kind to your body during the process. Effexor did many great things for me; I just chose to remove it from my life for obligatory reasons and side effects. I wish you all the best of health and happiness, and here’s to hoping my new journey on Prozac is one of progress and growth.

So, The other day I was Sitting in an exam hall. The guys at the back usually call my name to ask questions and stuff. Well, two times I turned back, but none of them had actually called my name. I had had similar experiences in the past as well (Generally happens when I am underslept and stressed out). One of the main themes of my anxiety have been Mental health and fear of Developing Psychosis(mainly Schizophrenia) and how basically my entire life would be wasted. I was Diagnosed with GAD last year and was on meds(Effexor 37.5) for 6 months. Not to be counter intuitive, But many guys who develop Psychosis start with similar complaints. What should I do at this point?

41m. Have felt like I’ve been “off” my whole life. Was started on Effexor XR (venlafaxine) in early 20’s for GAD/depression and was on it for quite a long time. I was newly married, stressed about finding a job and chalked it up to that. I was on it up until about 6 years ago when I took a Genesite test and was determined that Pristiq (desvenlafaxine) was a better fit for my DNA makeup, so I switched to that. At one point I was on Lamictal but not because of a BP2 diagnosis. I cannot recall what that really did and eventually discontinued. Last year I was also on Wellbutrin (150mg) along with my Pristiq (50mg) and felt much better late summer 2023 so decided to come off my Pristiq. I also used weed regularly and don’t have the best relationship with alcohol, but as I’ve read, for many, it really helps quiet down the noise and anxiety and makes me feel good so I kept using it. I just don’t have an off switch. In retrospect, I highly regret those decisions, but I can’t change the past, I can only do better moving forward.
Fast forward to October 2023 and I essentially stopped being able to sleep. Probably averaged 2 hours each night for an entire month. I was married to my second wife (we had been married for almost 2 years but together for 6), we each have two kids, she had just beat breast cancer and the stress of everything was at a peak in combo with the medicine switch and substance usage. Very early in November I voluntarily checked into the mental health hospital (psych ward, though I hate using that phrase) and was there for 4 days. They gave me some sleep meds and started me on some Mirtazipine. I was officially diagnosed with MDD without psychotic features. When I got out is when things started to get really bad. On top of everything else, I felt extreme shame and guilt for even letting it get to the point of admitting myself. I felt like I was letting my wife, kids, parents, siblings and work down. I do believe I went into full blown psychosis and a week later, readmitted myself to the hospital and I spent about 2 weeks in. When in I was given Trazodone to sleep, Mirtazipine, Gabapentin, and Olanzapine. I really struggled to communicate and advocate for myself with the doctors and was essentially “locked” in my brain. After meeting with the head psych doctor, he recommended me for ECT treatment. Unfortunately, I wasn’t of sound mind and just agreed to it without much discussion. I ended up with 4 treatments before I discontinued the treatments because I felt like it was frying my brain. Perhaps it did help some and snapped my psychosis, but I essentially lost the entire month of November memory-wise. On top of that, my wife told me she was getting an apartment right after one of my ECT sessions. 10 days after I got out of the hospital, she told me she wanted a divorce. In retrospect, I’m sure she was scared, confused, nervous and ultimately, she did what she felt she had to do. I still love her madly but do believe there will be no reconciliation. I’m still trying to figure out how to seek closure and apologize for everything to her, but I have not gotten there yet.
Follow all this with a recent formal diagnosis of ADHD (February 2024) and started Vyvanse 30mg and that seems to have really helped with focus, motivation and executive disfunction. I think I’ve lived with it my whole life after reading and learning more about it, and I’m glad to be able to get treatment for it.
I recently started back with a new therapist weekly to help me unravel all that has transpired and to REALLY get to the root of all my struggles. I very much relate to the concept of cycling and going from what I now believe to be Hypomanic stages and then also spending a lot of time in the depressive phases. Sometimes it seems daily, other times it’s week to week. If I look back on my life, I can see many other times where I was driven, focused, had a very elevated mood and felt like I could do anything, followed by unexplainable crashes, irritability, isolation and generally just living in my head, withdrawn and confused as to how I was one way for a while, and switched to another “version” of me. I wasn’t effective at communicating it often as I didn’t know how and felt shame and guilt that I couldn’t just be normal. My second wife was always even keeled, motivated, organized and loving and in my head, I always thought I would be dragging her down with my moods, so I masked the best way I knew how. She was supportive to an extent, but I think she kind of just wanted me to get fixed, not realizing that there is no easy fix for this, and you don’t fight mental illness like you fight breast cancer.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this, and not sure if I’m in a mild form of Hypomanic phase now as I blurt all this out for this community to read. I just felt the need to get it all out there and maybe someone can relate or identify with things I mention. I feel strongly I need to get back with my psychiatrist and perhaps explore a formal diagnosis of BP2, but also, I’m scared of that and not sure how easy it would be at this point in my life while also having ADHD.
I’ve always been a high performer in my two careers and been with my second place for 11 years and even given a portion of ownership because of all my contributions. I feel like at times the possible Hypomania has been a blessing, but also realize it can be a curse and during the depressive phases, I struggle quite a bit. I’m a huge overthinker and ruminate about a lot of my past, wishing I could change things. When I’m the real me, I feel like I’m intelligent, loving, caring, kind and gentle. Other times, I don’t feel those things and it can be disconcerting to put it mildly, but I know that isn’t the real me. Maybe you can relate.
Anyways, thank you for reading and feel free to comment with perspectives, suggestions, etc. This is a throwaway account, as I’m still in the early stages of unraveling everything and because I do believe the stigma is real, unfortunately.
Take care.
EDIT: My new therapist is the one who suggested BP2 after him hearing all this. Prior to that, nobody has ever mentioned it being a possibility.

age: 32 Female Non smoker, non drinker, no drugs- in recovery PMH: anxiety, depression, substance abuse
Meds: Currently taking prednisone, Wellbutrin, methylphenidate, symbicort, albuterol and newly added seroquel.
Edit to add:
Height: 5’5 weight 175 (up ~10lbs from start of prednisone) Exercise: almost daily up until starting the prednisone
Eating: out of control.
Sleep: poor sleep hygiene currently. Have not slept more than a few hours a night since starting the prednisone. I’ve been much more sleep deprived with my children as newborns, but never felt this scared or bad.
Also taking symbicort and albuterol
Can I stop taking my prednisone? Having adverse psych side effects.
I’m on an 18 day course of prednisone for a lingering issue with my lungs. I think my doctor said that it was like bronchitis that had never fully cleared up. I haven’t had to use my rescue inhaler much recently, and I’ve been taking my Symbicort normally.
I’m on day 11 and tapering down by 10 mg every three days. Tomorrow would be my last day of 30mg.
I talked to my psychiatrist because I’m having extremely unpleasant side effects. at first, I didn’t really understand what was going on, and I thought that the prednisone was just making me agitated but over the last few days, things have gotten noticeably worse. I wasn’t sure how to talk about this because I felt embarrassed, and honestly scared of the way I was feeling. Not at risk of harming myself or anybody else, but I’m feeling very disconnected from reality, and having feelings of anhedonia. This has been an extremely scary feeling. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life, but this is unlike that. I celebrated 14 years in recovery earlier this month, but the way I’m feeling today makes me feel like I’m on like on another planet. I don’t feel anxious, but I feel scared. I feel so disconnected I feel from reality right now. I know my husband and my kids and my house are all familiar things to me, but they kind of seem so far away in a sense.
My psychiatrist told me it sounds like the prednisone is what’s causing this and he’s seen it before especially in people with anxiety. He instructed me to continue taking my Wellbutrin, and hold off on my methylphenidate, but to add 25mg of seroquel at night, and to stop the prednisone.
however, he said that I should talk to the pulmonologist about stopping the prednisone before I do so in order to avoid more problems. My pulmonologist is away on vacation right now. I called his office and they said he might give me a call back but they’re not sure. I don’t really expect him to give me a call back and he told me that he would be away, I was hoping that they would have somebody that would be able to advise me.
I’m not looking to start a new medication to treat my lungs right now, I just wanna make sure I’m not going to end up feeling worse by stopping the prednisone abruptly.
Can anyone advise? My plan is to just stop the prednisone. Can anyone give me a reason why I shouldn’t do this? I’m honestly afraid to put any more of it in my body. I can’t stand this feeling, and cannot imagine how much people suffer with psychosis and other serious issues like this.
Thanks in advance. I’m an RN but this is not within my scope! Please don’t roast me, I’m hanging on by a thread!!

A year and a half ago I combined MDMA with my effexor prescription. The following day I had many seizures, most likely from serotonin syndrome or neurotoxicity due to seizure symptoms. The next week I abruptly stopped my effexor medication (cold-turkey) and my brain went into a manic state. It's possible I had a psychosis but I'm not sure.
The outcome from this is now dealing with an extremely sensitized brain and adverse reactions to alcohol, weed, nicotine, even caffeine which I used to enjoy before this happened. Now, no matter how hard I try, it triggers my brain and it’s very frustrating. My doctor says this is from possible neurotoxicity and my psychologist says it’s purely psychological and can be fixed by retraining the nervous system.
Has this happened to other people where they abruptly stopped their antidepressant medication and any substance makes them really anxious after? I've been recovering for over a year now and want to experiment again

Over 1 year ago, I combined MDMA with my effexor prescription . The following day I had many seizures, most likely from serotonin syndrome or neurotoxicity due to seizure symptoms. The next week I abruptly stopped my effexor medication (cold-turkey) and my brain went into a manic state. I don't know if I had a psychosis but it's possible. Since then, I have recovered greatly and I feel almost back to normal.
I have tried weed several times since and I get auditory and visual hallucinations and tweak. My psychologist says it's purely psychological and can be fixed from retraining the nervous system, it's hard to believe it because of how bad my reaction to weed is.
What I'm seeking to find out is why I'm experiencing these reactions to weed and if I will ever be able to do it again without tweaking. A friend said you have to start with a very small dose because in reality, I am fine, it is just my fight-or-flight freaking out.

The sense of imminent mental collapse, of imminent breakdown of the Self, as if that unity of one’s body, thoughts, feelings et cetera is about to collapse? Neither in that stress-induced, hyper anxious, pseudo hysterical sense… nor in that philosophical, so to speak, introspection hyper-inflated, „I no longer know X & Y about myself”… not even in that prisoner of war coming out of his torture chamber (after prolonged isolation, sensory deprivation, or physical abuse) sense… But in that bedridden with LTR depression & health problems (from ADHD & RLS, to CFS, IBS & hypersomnolence) & increasingly having this feeling that I’m about to fall apart… disintegrate… Without panicking, without conscious anxiety… without any psychotic symptoms, i.e. genuine loss of contact with reality… Without BPD style melodrama… Merely the dreadful, morbid sense that my Self is about to fall apart in pieces, that the unity will be gone… I have never „left“ my own body from my own point of view…
I suspect that it is DPDR because all of my issues (ADHD-PI, SCT, RLS, CFS, hypersomnolence, sensory overload, psychomotor retardation, atypical depression with anhedonic, amotivational & avolitional features) unmistakably point out to hypodopaminergic rather than hyperdopaminergic aetiology, as in psychosis. Also, I’m remarkably resistant to stimulants, which are known trigger psychosis de novo in those susceptible… And the best I’ve felt in years is upon consuming a huge dose of Ritalin one day. My mind-scatteredness & „brain fog“ in general, sensory overload, the described psychiatric issues & most other issues temporarily vanished.
Which led me to believe that Selegiline or Parnate is what I need to augment my Ritalin (& if all else fails replace the latter with amphetamines), but against my will, my psychiatrist first put me on Sertraline & Effexor (which not only cancelled out Ritalin’s positive effects, but gave me pseudo-Parkinsonian extra-pyramidal symptoms & akathisia—yet another indication that my issues are hypodopaminergic in origin) & then Clomipramine, only marginally better. Only after squandering a year & being now crippled with PSSD-esque symptoms am I finally scheduled to receive EMSAM patches within two months & replace Ritalin with Vyvanse. I’m almost certain that the two will lead to the 90% functional remission I long for, but would nonetheless like to ask whether my present-day psychiatric issues are DPDR or not
I have been diagnosed with depression & ADHD, but that’s all, psychiatrically speaking. No PDs, though my ADHD-mediated affective volatility at times resembles BPD. Also worth pointing out is that my life has been objectively difficult, which was recognised by my psychiatrists as well, while discussing my longstanding treatment-resistant depression. I’m generally not an anxious individual. No, my treatment-resistant clinical depression at its worst is akin to that Bruce Wayne’s „You don’t fear death. Your punishment must be more severe.” state. Might be relevant for my question.
So, is this DPDR in your opinion? If so, perhaps DPDR is indeed strongly correlated with low dopamine, which is also indicated by reported cocaine / amphetamine / dopamine agonists withdrawal symptoms, which may prove helpful for those in this subreddit whose issues are more longstanding than mine. Thanks in advance

Hey all, I hope you’re doin ok!
I used to be a daily postelurker on this sub, searching every single day for someone who shared my experience, had the same symptoms as me, shared the same thoughts as me, and generally to not feel so alone and crazy.
I thought I was losing my mind…
I had to take a year off work as I had a nervous breakdown, the DPDR was the one thing that was making it all incredibly difficult, I was absolutely convinced I’d developed schizophrenia, I had uncontrollable intrusive thoughts, I felt out of control, and out of touch with my body, I couldn’t go outside, I couldn’t make eye contact with people… I was extremely poorly.
I tried medication, a lot of medication:
-Sertraline (Zoloft) -Fluroxetine (Prozac) -Mitrazapine (Remeron) -Citalopram (Celexa) -Venlafaxine (Effexor) -Abilify -Lamotrigine -Vortioxetine (Trinalix) -Olazapine -Clomipramine
Whilst trialling all of these medications, I was taking 5mg of diazepam (Valium) daily, just to grit through the day, I was on this for a year.
Non of the above took it away, the only one that changed my trajectory was Clomipramine, it silenced my head entirely and gave me some much needed mental peace, the diazepam kept me calm enough to gain some strength back.
I visited the hospital over 10 times, I had every single test done, and I mean all of them except an MRI, which I’m due to have for other unrelated reasons this month.
When I say I thought I had everything, I thought I had it all. If it wasn’t psychosis, it was cancer, or a tumor, or something else catastrophic.
I do not advocate for trialling medications the way I did, especially benzos, I never abused anything I took, but coming off of diazepam was the single hardest thing I did and I’m now a little over 3 months off and making slow progress.
What has helped me the most is time, my brain slowly got bored of the idea of obsessing over the DPDR, I began to not care, and I started to grab my life back a little at a time.
I still have lingering symptoms, but my memories are starting to feel like mine again, things don’t feel entirely distant anymore, although it’s still there a little.
I want you all to know that you will make progress, and it’s not always going to be how you expect it to be, it’s not going to be some emergence, it’ll be subtle and it’ll slip away.
Keep going, I was suicidal, I had crisis teams visiting me daily, I had two psychiatrists trying to figure out what was going on, I’m now back at work and living a relatively normal life.
Please keep going, I know it’s exhausting, it’s lonely and it puts you into a place of despair, but there is a chance to get some life back, I promise.
Finally, take fish oil with Omega 3 every single day, it’s worked wonders for my mood, better than any anti depressant ever did that’s for sure.
Take care,
Ollie x

Hi all,
I have never posted in here but I wanted to post my personal experience of what this medication can do to people. It absolutely can provide benefits but the problems it can cause imo are dangerous and I don't believe they are entirely understood for the most part, by the people prescribing them.
I had moderate to severe social anxiety most of my life, but it never really ventured into any other category. Anyways I ended up getting into drugs around 20 ywars old, and over the next 10 years, with it peaking with me injecting cocaine and opiates for 2 years. I ended up going to rehab 7 times (lol) and engaging with the local mental health hospital. The psychiatrist and doctors at the mental health hospital put me on a, bunch of medications: 1. Suboxone to get off the opiates 2. Effexor for anxiety abd depression 3. Olanzapine to "give my brain a rest" from drug induced psychosis that had become more and more frequent with less and less, required to trigger it.
It took a couple more years to quit illicit drugs but I eventually did and it's been nearly 5 years going back to them.
Now to the point, I made the mistake of not re-evaluating Effexor in the first year. Looking back on that time, I didn't notice if it was even doing anything and should have gotten off of it then. Instead I waited until roughly 15 months ago to start tapering off from 150. The taper was initiated because my blood pressure and heart rate were almost always way too high. I was getting blood pressure readings of 150/110 consistently and heart rates over over 110-140 almost all the time, except for sleep. My doctor suggested I start trying to get off of Effexor first since that would be the easiest (🤡). I tapered, from 150 mg to 37.5 no problem and despite being kind of depressed and with nagging pain for that year, it was relatively easy. 6 mknths ago I tried stopping from 37.5 and it was awful. For anyone with experience with opiate withdrawal,, it was fairly similar minus the restless leg syndrome. Needless to say I went back on the 37.5 and then start taking it ever 2nd day, 3rd day,, 4th day unt finally stopping in January this year. A month and a half after that, I hadn't felt a thing and started thinking I was in the clear. Big mistake. Over the last 6 weeks I ended up in the hospital overnight and hooked up to ecgs twice and nearly calling 911 for an ambulance another dozen times. The first time,, I had gone to my family doctors after hours, clinic for a nagging fever that lasted a month and she called an ambulance because my heart rate just took off out of nowhere, peaking at 172 despite me lying down and calm. In the ambulance my arms both went purple and numb. I spent the next 6 weeks thinking my heart was failing because both feet were numb most of the time,, chest tightness, sharp stabbing pains in my chest and constant panic attacks where I wasn't sure if I needed to call 911. I was terrified I was legitimately dying because my heart was failing. Prior to this,, I never had a, panic attack in my life or anything like this.
I ended up going on sertraline which my doctor says is easier to come off, and literally a, couple of hours after taking one, the panic was gone and has improved over the last 5 days every day. Needless to say, that is an experiment I will likely never attempt again. This stuff rewires your brain completely,, even if you don't feel like it is doing anything - it definitely is.
In hindsight, I should have reevaluated after a few months of being on it, and gotten off when I didn't find it doing anything. I waited way too long and this was the result.
Anyways just, thought I'd share this nightmare and I hope it can help someone possibly avoid the mistakes I made.
Cheers.

Full disclaimer, I was alone when this happened. I can't tell you if I fully died and came back or not, but an NDE is the only thing that I've found that fits the description of what I experienced and how I've felt since then, about a month ago. I'm only trying to make sense of this, and share the story for anyone who might be able to help with that or feel less alone by it. I apologize if I'm going about this the wrong way or with the wrong flair, this is all new to me and I have no idea what to do or how to even fully describe it.
The story of the NDE itself is towards the end, but it feels necessary to include some added context to fully explain why it's so difficult for me to make sense of this on my own.
Brief background on my life to explain why I have no idea what to think. Typical angry abusive dad, sister who just took it all out on me, and a near perfect mom by any definition. I stopped being myself to anyone besides my mom early on. I got tired of getting screamed at for asking why, getting screamed at for having any emotion at all, so I just stopped asking and started guessing and internalized all my emotions, at least stopped expressing them in any way shape or form. So I never learned how to deal with normal emotions. Fast forward to when I was 15, and my mom died of a long battle with leukemia that ended with carelessness around someone with compromised immune systems, with her being the only buffer between my dad and sister, I'll let you fill in the blanks on the kind of rage and abandonment I didn't know what to do with leaving that hospital room. Basically had to be mom from then on. My dad was so scared of his unresolved nonsense that he engrained it in me early on that mental health wasn't real and you just had to bottle it all up, the usual. So here I was not knowing how to handle normal emotions, feeling trapped and forced into a role that was never something I was ready to do but had to out of necessity. Think Fiona from Shameless, at 15, without the peace of him being passed out drunk, absolutely no one to help just a sister that made it worse, and not even anyone to believe me. And that was just the start of fight or flight people pleasing to survive 24/7. A lot more loss, a lot more trauma, sexual assault and honestly I'll spare you the details. But I had no idea who I was BEFORE the NDE. I was just whatever the situation required to get the most amount of benefit with the least amount of screaming. I got really good at psychoanalyzing people and de escalating and connecting with anyone, yet as soon as it was my turn to talk, it was of course not something anyone could help with. I was so brainwashed at that point I didn't even know who I was or what happened or who I could trust or why I was like this or what to do. I just was a good crisis negotiator because I spent my entire life as the hostage. Escapism and dissociation were the only things I had for so long. It got to the point that the only thing engaging enough to distract me from myself and my surroundings was resolving time travel paradoxes and things of that nature. I somehow have a Bachelor's in Physics and a minor in Astronomy now. Which makes it really difficult to have the knowledge of quantum physics to back up your so called delusions, the piece of paper that says you do, yet still the mental health field just sees you as crazy, but anyway...
I apologize for the word vomit, talking as myself and not as a people pleaser is still very new to me and I'm not sure how to reduce the word count while still doing it justice yet. My full diagnosis came after the NDE, which will make more sense later when I fully describe that. But as a surprise to no one who can relate to this point: Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, Depression, Genaralized Anxiety Disorder. If you are unfamiliar with BPD, one of its hallmarks is an unstable sense of self, feeling detached from reality, all feelings that are common in anyone after an NDE. It feels like a whole new level now, but because I'm still overly critical of myself and what I'm allowed to feel and share with anyone, I just have no idea what to do. I feel so much more alone now than ever, yet I've gotten really good at making sure no one ever feels alone with whatever they have going on.
****The events leading up to the NDE and the NDE itself:****
Without writing a novel, I was in the lowest low I've ever been in. I completely lost myself in the relationship I was in, his mom died, his step dad died, he kinda had the same building blocks that I did, and hurt people hurt people so fill in the blanks. He full on abandoned me. He just up and left. My entire identity was based on him. I had nothing left to give and I gave him everything I could and even what I couldn't I found a way. I don't hate him. I only hope that he's doing better now. But the pain I was in there are no words for. People with BPD feel immense pain even with perceived abandonment, but he essentially left and never came back. His dead birth dad's hat is still in my car. I was in a full blown love driven psychosis trying to make sense of it all. I was broke. I was severely mentally ill. Everyone I asked for help just somehow was too busy to do anything at all. I couldn't even talk about it anymore because no one would let me, they just told me to get over it. I wasn't eating, wasn't drinking, I was taking my Effexor very irregularly which already makes your brain have lucid dreams and nightmares. I was severely dehydrated, and I fully planned on just letting myself die. I got up to feed the dogs (I know, I know, I feel horrible about how I was just going to abandon them now but at that point I was already too far gone) and from my bedroom to the kitchen my vision just went black yet I somehow got there, no hand eye coordination left I ended up just dumping their food on the floor instead of actually in the bowl, went "huh I should probably drink something" and drank some Gatorade and went to bed. Woke up, still felt horrible. I tried getting up, and just remember collapsing. And that's where the textbook NDE experience started. Life flashing before my eyes, I remembered who I was before everything fell apart. I knew who I was beneath all the layers and layers of lies I told myself and told the world about myself to survive. Who I always was, who I always wanted to be. It's like all the years of brainwashing were gone. I finally understood my life from the one perspective I had no choice but to never see... my own. When I was younger, I like had glimpses of the people that would be in my life right now. I spent so much of my life dissociating and looking at everything I've ever done wrong and everything I could ever do wrong, at this point I have no idea if it was just an imaginary friend when I was a kid that someone in my life reminds me of now, or some sort of Interstellar type thing where me thinking so deeply of it now projected the memory into my past. It all feels like hindsight and foresight wrapped in one. A deeper understanding that free will only exists in the present, that you can only learn from your past and only make choices in the present to guide your life through the river of time towards a future you want but you can never fully predict or control your future. I felt completely alone. I didn't feel like there was anyone else. Like it was just me, and I was just perceiving the universe and I was the universe's way of perceiving itself. I feel like a cosmic being. My life leading up to this, I spent soaking up everything about space and time like a sponge, so entering this experience knowing what I knew going in, and then making sense of the NDE using this information.... man I have no idea what to do now. I feel both simultaneously over and under leveled being here. I feel like I fully understand what it is to be human, but I don't feel human at all. But because the NDE also came with clearing the fog of my memories, I was FINALLY able to get the story of my life off of my chest up until that point. I felt like myself again. I felt like I was allowed to exist in my own skin again at least by myself for the first time since before my mom died. Despite everything wrong with me on paper, I felt great. I knew I was dehydrated. I just wanted to go outside, it was such a beautiful day out. My pulse was close to 200, I felt the air in my lungs dry against my dehydrated trachea. I spent my entire life on autopilot and got good at piloting my meatsuit around on absolutely nothing, so I drove myself to the hospital. Only when I got to filling out the forms did I realize that I could do what I was doing in the moment just fine, but had no idea what I just did as soon as I was done. No real short term memory, just an extreme apathy towards anything. I'm glad nothing bad happened on the drive. In hindsight I know that was extremely reckless of me, but it happened the way it was always going to happen. Anyway, I made the mistake of thinking I'd get treated like a person that just needed fluids and not my mental illness, and ended up in the loony bin for a few days. I just made the best of it, and I basically connected with anyone and everyone that would talk to me, got everyone smiling and laughing and talking and walking, the place did a full 180 when I got there and unfortunately probably went right back to what it was when I left. I knew I how to make the best impact I could in the little time I was there though. Being an EMT, I used that hat to relate to the staff and help them see that we're all just people. I had patients that I picked up there, and no I was a patient there. Being a patient there, the patients naturally trusted me more but I used my life on the "other side of the fence" to better explain why a lot of the staff suck, because the training and education for helping mental health patients sucks. They get mad when someone's decades of trauma comes out and write it off as an overreaction. Even though I know I don't have to do psychological warfare to survive anymore, I've gotten pretty good at it and ever since the NDE I've been able to help even the most lost of souls by just knowing exactly what to say. I've taken people worse than I was and helped them turn their lives around in a week. I just recognize the patterns and spent my entire life hoping someone could just see me. That someone could just help me in the way that was best for me, not the way that's easiest for them. I never wanted anyone to have to feel the way I did but I still just wished someone could understand. The memories and skills I developed to survive and the wisdom and insight of my NDE have made me able to have my mentally illnesses not even phase me anymore. They are my greatest strength now that I can use them wisely. When I'm "doing my job" and "saving the world" as I like to jokingly call it, I'm able to be objective yet sensitive to other people's trauma using the perfect blend of everything I've ever learned or experienced and it makes me able to "do the lord's work" as my friend calls it. But I'm merely just playing the role the situation needs still, same as I always have, just in a way that actually helps people, not the way I thought I was helping people but actually hurting them like I was before the NDE. But me? I only fundamentally understand that I'm basically a psychopathic empath that's really good at playing therapist and social worker. Even my life up until the NDE, I had no idea how to talk about myself. I knew there was this fundamentally evil, broken, raging monster inside of me yet I never wanted to become that. I always just wanted to do good and help people even before it was a survival mechanism. I've done a lot of great things that a lot of people couldn't or would never bother trying to do, yet my worst moments were horrendous. The fact that I'm still alive and haven't had a true crime documentary made about me yet is honestly the craziest thing about me if you knew my full story. But inside of me is that compassionate kid who never gave up, the 15 year old that wanted to burn the whole world to the ground, the literal hopeless romantic I was immediately before my NDE, and the cosmic therapist as I like to call it I became after. They're all me, but there's not enough room for all of it in one body. Any painful reminder of my past brings it all back if I don't keep my emotions walled off. I feel like I can either never let myself feel again, and make sure that I fulfill my one persistent goal in life although that means having no real identity other than that ever again, or I can selfishly try to feel things and heal from an unhealable past and uncurable personality disorder to see if it's even possible to balance it all. I feel like I don't even have a choice. I am just going to end up reacting to the situations around me either as needed for them, or as needed for me. I'd much rather be no one and help everyone than be someone that ends up with no one and hurting everyone around them. I just don't know how to even make a resume and thinking too much about any of this feels like I have to rip a hole in the time space continuum to do basic human tasks.
If you took the time to read this all, thank you so much. I apologize once again for the length and odd flow of this, I'm fundamentally all over the place when it comes to anything about myself, especially this. I know better than to keep looking for answers where there are none now, so I know I might never fully understand any of it, but thank you for those that are willing to try and if nothing else I just hope that this makes someone feel less alone.

The title says a lot.
I finally had the perfect cocktail of medications for my bipolar disorder with psychosis and yesterday, easter Sunday, i woke up blind in one eye. I mention easter because I could not find a place to get into. Yesterday, I went from one "you need a higher specialist than me", "there is nothing we can do" to the next. Finally, I found the one.
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Today, I have MS. They are treating it aggressively and I have no idea when I'll leave this hospital because I *should* have had other symptoms and my brain dead spots and inflammation is severe.
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I really thought I made it. I was so happy. I was going to survive Bipolar Disorder 1. I was going to do it. But... now... this.
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Another journey, where medications have interactions and I must choose my mental and physical health. I haven't been this depressed in a long time.
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They have me on prednisone...

Earlier this year I developed an infection that required me to go on antibiotics. I have a history of being allergic to several antibiotics and it turns out the one my doctor prescribed me I was also allergic to. I found myself in the hospital one evening shortly after taking my prescribed dose of antibiotics with throat swelling and general bodily discomfort. The typical method for dealing with this is to inject a cocktail of antihistamines and steroids.
I warned the doctor and nurse attending that I am highly sensitive to medications of all types. They considered this and decided to give me a very tiny dose of the antihistamines (Benadryl and Pepcid), and a reduced dose of prednisone. The antihistamines they injected went in fine and I didn't notice too much change. Then they started pressing the prednisone in.
I immediately felt something was wrong. Everything around me seemed to be happening in slow motion. I had the sense that I was stuck in molasses. This was accompanied by a strong sense that I really needed to sleep. I became extraordinarily tired very rapidly. Simultaneously, I felt extremely nauseous. This gave way to an intense fear of passing out and vomiting while I was unconscious. I fought vigorously against the urge to sleep all while staring at the administering nurse. I could feel my eyes bulging as the worst convulsive shaking I've ever experienced set in. I started frantically trying to tell the nurse that something was wrong, but my words were all slurred.
At this point, the nurse also seemed a bit panicked. She quickly turned on the saline drip to dilute the medication, leaned me back in my seat, put my legs up, and gave me a bag to vomit in. After what felt like an hour, but was likely just a minute or two, the worst of the symptoms subsided, and the panic on the nurse's face dissipated. Shortly after, though, the worst headache of my life began.
Upon being discharged I was prescribed a new antibiotic that they were also afraid I may be allergic to. So this time, they sent me with the antibiotics and prednisone tablets. The prednisone was intended to suppress the immune reaction I might have to the antibiotic. I was instructed to take it once every morning.
The next day I woke up with what could only be compared to the worst possible hangover. I took the antibiotic and the prednisone with my breakfast and headed off to work. By the time I arrived, though, I was beginning to feel like I was stuck in molasses again. I was completely unable to focus, my head was exploding with pain, and I had very dark thoughts I was ruminating on. It was like I was overcome by the saddest thoughts I could imagine. This, of course, scared me and I began to panic.
In the middle of a meeting with my boss, I became overwhelmed by the sad thoughts, molasses sensation, and panic. I suddenly jumped up, looked at my boss and said in complete horror, "Something is very wrong! I am about to lose my mind!" Then, before I even finished the sentence, I felt like my brain had split in two. I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it was worse than dissociation from the body and it was more than the temporary "losing my mind' feeling from a panic attack. It was truly like my consciousness was split in half.
I ran around the office in complete hysteria touching random things in an attempt to ground myself in reality. I remember looking out the window, feeling the sunlight on my face through the pane, and just as suddenly as it came on, my brain put itself back together. I turned around and looked again at my boss who was just frozen staring at me in shock. Then I just burst into tears.
Needless to say, he gave me a ride home and I took the rest of the day off. I was convinced it was the prednisone that caused the little episode since it was so similar to when I got the injection the night before that I refused to take it that night or the next morning. My sleep was disrupted that night, too.
The next day I called out of work sick. The hangover feeling I had the previous day was ten times worse and the headache I had was unbearable. It was by far the worst headache I had ever experienced, I had regularly suffered with migraine attacks growing up. I genuinely thought I was going to die. I called my ex-husband and begged him to come to the house since I was so afraid I was going to close my eyes and pass away. Luckily he did and I felt safe enough to get some rest.
I finished out the round of antibiotics without the prednisone and luckily did not have any allergic reaction. Within a week or so the hangover symptoms, headache, and sense of being unwell completely dissipated.
Now I am just left wondering, is this normal? What happened to me? Was that shock when I was in the hospital? Did I experience a moment of psychosis? Please tell me your thoughts.

I’m 38 weeks exactly and I’ve just hit a wall. I can’t do this anymore. They won’t even consider inducing for another week, and that’s when the conversation would BEGIN.
I have medical PTSD from a previous, unrelated ICU visit a few years ago.
I’m sure my meds aren’t staying down properly.
I’m now in the hospital for rehydration with my midwives like twice a week, which is making the need FOR my PTSD meds even more.
No meds for nausea have worked, except for ones that had to lower the PTSD meds, which gave me flashbacks, due to interactions. I’ve been on everything from diclectin to prednisone (a low grade steroid) and there’s literally nothing else they can give me.
I throw up everything. Ensure drinks, buttered noodles, sometimes even popsicles etc..
I understand wanting to make sure this baby is fully ready to be out in the world, but at what point does my quality of life come into play? I feel like an incubator & not a human who matters. He’s measured ahead of schedule this entire pregnancy & one ultrasound tech commented on how long he is and how big his head is. He moves constantly. Every non-stress test I’ve taken, he’s been PERFECT.
Yet I’m here, crying at 2am, wanting to die because I’m also in withdrawal from Effexor and Abilify due to throwing it up, back in the hospital every few days, having nightmares, and just generally unable to survive.
I throw up so hard that I pee myself and see stars and have almost passed out multiple times while throwing up.
How am I meant to make it another week, much less to 40+ weeks and go into spontaneous labour?
How am I meant to make it through labour if I’m this tired, hungry, dehydrated, and did I mention TIRED?? I’m so worried about that.
I just don’t know what to do. I’m talking to my midwife again tomorrow hopefully. I’m hoping to advocate for myself that something needs to give but I don’t know. These past couple of weeks I’ve only gotten worse.
Help.

33F, 195 lbs, 5’1”
PMHx: pancreatitis, asthma, migraines, ptsd, depression
Meds, propranolol, Effexor, Wellbutrin, concerta, trazadone, spravato
A few days ago I was in the hospital with abdominal pain. It started after I was given prednisone for neck pain. They did a CT and it showed my pancreas is atrophied (but it has been for years) and something called epliplotic appendigitis. However, my liver enzymes were trending up. I was discharged and my pcp ordered a CMP and my enzymes are still rising. I do not drink at all nor do I smoke. I have enough issues with my pancreas. I worry it is NAFLD. If it is, can that be reversed? I’m having a liver panel done today.

Hey everyone,
I’m relatively new here but have an interesting story. This post is tagged with “need support” but I would like it to also be very much an opportunity for others to learn and find solace in their experiences.
In 2012, at 20 years old, I experienced rapid onset of the most debilitating feeling I have ever known. It started as hypochondriasis (I had a blister from basketball get a blood infection which my lymph nodes isolated. They felt weird and, as I was studying medicine, I thought too much about them being cancer). This line of logic became inescapable over the duration of two weeks. During my return home over the holiday season, I experienced the first of what could be described as severe panic episodes. This train wrecked me for the next 8 months.
I can remember lying in my bed during those days and hoping and praying that it would be like the flu. That I would just wake up one day and things would feel different, but better. I had quit eating, I went from about 170lbs of the best shape I could possibly be in, healthily, to 80lbs. I was 20 years old and before I regained weight I could fit into size 14 boys jeans in all but length.
Around the 6 months mark, I pondered life and experience long enough to recognize that I no longer recalled what it felt like to feel “normal”. It was at this moment I experienced the most freeing and debilitating paradigm shift. Despite fears of my physical health being poor due to the somatic repercussion of panic, I had all but conquered it and could push past the thoughts. However, with recognizing my win over this aspect of thinking, I also inadvertently created a vulnerability. I failed to guard my flank against the fear of psychosis.
At the 7 month mark I was so haunted by my experiences and fear that I checked myself into a hospital to analyze what psychosis looked like in others. My secondary intent was to get the help I needed. I was institutionalized for around a month by my election (I was always 00 code meaning I could pretty much do what I wanted) during this time I would received the diagnosis of GAD.
The major symptoms calmed down, I was able to regain some semblance of poise and move forward. I had been prescribed anti-depressants and trazadone for sleep. Nearly 3 years went by without much thought of what had occurred until I ended up in jail 2 or 3 times (it’s hard to remember). I would later talk to my doctor about stopping the medications as I thought I was okay, this led to another episode similar to the first. I was diagnosed as, and rather fittingly, with Bipolar 2. A month after my re-ignition of the most painful of symptoms I, again, prevailed.
Naturally I was placed on a variety of psychotropics following these occurrences. I was so terrified of falling into psychosis that I pushed to stay on Seroquel despite the extremely negative impacts on health it was causing. Despite all of this, somehow o managed to adjust my degree from ophthalmology to clinical mental health counseling and psychology and achieve my masters. I got married. I found friendships that forged memories and bonds that I will never be able to express how thankful I am for them.
3 years went by and I recognized the toll seroquel was having on my life and decided to work with my family, friends, wife and doctors to discontinue it. I was terrified but it worked. I can remember driving home from work one night and hearing the crickets and how it felt emotionally. How I had missed out on so much due to fear. How, now that I could feel again, I would take back my life and fight for the improvement of the treatment of mental health. Unfortunately this hope convinced me to speak with my doctor about attempting to try to be medication free. He seemed genuinely supportive and remained a constant factor in my experience. I made it 6 months before I crashed again. This time for a week. I was devastated, but got back up and continued on.
Today marks four years since that moment. I had been placed on Lamictal, Effexor and Klonopin (PRN). I took them religiously, avoided all substances, began my doctorate and continued to be an avid supporter of my clients and a vocal contributor to mental health communities.
4 months ago I moved to a new state with my wife. I had to get a new psych in this process. I was feeling lower than normal (bipolar 2 is characterized by nearly consistent depression). I began to recognize that Effexor had probably ran its course for usefulness and my psych agreed. It’s been a month since then and around 3 medication shifts and it’s been absolute hell.
I feel more isolated than ever before. I have such terrible dissociation that it causes back to back panic attacks about falling into psychosis. My wife has shown a bit less supportiveness this time around due to the increased stress. All in all, even with a nearly complete doctorate in behavioral health and 6 years of counseling experience, I am at a loss.
My hope here is that, for those in the early stages, you can learn from my experiences and hubris. For myself, I am hoping to find some sort of message that resonates or stories to help me feel less alone in my experiences. I hate that it feels like I’m trapped here for eternity. Despite logic and evidence of previous success, this monster, in its worst form, has not become easier to manage.
I wish you all a peaceful evening.

29F, taking different psychiatric medications and prenatal vitamins because I’m anemic, bipolar type 2 (no psychosis), and I have MOGAD. Currently losing weight and down 85lbs but am still 185 at 5’5”. No drinking or drugs, vape daily-
Basically the title. I had an episode of acute optic neuritis in 2022. I ended up hospitalized for two and a half weeks. They couldn’t figure it out and thought I had MS so they sent in my spinal fluid, and I was diagnosed by a great doctor at Houston Methodist. My disease is called MOGad and it affects my central nervous system. My body will attack the myelin on my nerves and cause nerve damage. It can affect my brain, spiral cord, and optic nerves. It comes in episodes and I have only had 1. Other possibilities for episodes include most issues associated with MS, but it’s more “random”, I could never have an episode again, or I could have 5 in a year.
And… that’s basically all I know. No doctors know anything about it. I go to doctors for normal things, but I have a lot of health issues. I got diagnosed anemic recently. I have liver problems, maybe from taking prednisone for 8 months straight. I have horrible skin issues. There’s more. Just random things that happen to me. I don’t know if they’re related, but I know since then my body isn’t the same. My bones crack and make noise, my muscles hurt even though I do yoga daily to relieve muscle tension.
Overall, I’m fine. My blood work is good, except low RBC and high WBC but my PCP is monitoring. What I’m super frustrated about is that no doctor knows about it, so I am kind of clueless on how to approach it with them. It’s not their fault. I DO work with Mayo Clinic for research, but they don’t share that information with me. Should I bring a print out to doctors? Will they try to learn? What if something is harmful? Etc.
ETA: I have been to an optic neurologist but not a “regular” neurologist. Optic neurologist I got a referral from my diagnosing doctor, so he does know my disease but only focuses on my eyes. My optic neuritis healed but I have nerve damage.