Hi, I’m bonzos-number-1-fan You might know me from such theories as; "Theory of Fears; or, Zur Furchtlehre", "What R# Means: The ABCs of Fear" or, "Padlocks, How Do They Even Work?".
I’m back with another essay about this show. Today’s subject is a little different from previous ones. Rather than explaining what I think something in this show is, I’ll be explaining what I think it isn’t. What I’m going to be talking about is the very popular theory that CAT1/2/3 means the supernatural aspect is a Person/Place/Object.
Because I’m talking about other people’s ideas here I do want to start off by saying I understand why this theory is attractive and I don’t think anyone is stupid or anything for believing it. I just personally think there are angles from which it doesn’t work and that the sum of them makes it fairly certain to be untrue. I could be very wrong about that, and my other theories, or I could be very right. I don’t think either scenario matters much. This essay isn’t about being right but about talking about a big thing in the community. I just happen to not believe this one and people have signalled interest in hearing why.
So with all that out of the way I’m going to start by establishing the terminology being used. Then I’ll break down what this theory is positing and follow it up with the ways I think it does and doesn’t work. That’s basically it but with 16 episodes and supplemental material to cover it’s still not going to be terribly short.
Huge thanks to @brettanomycroft for proof reading/editing this madness.

Spoilers for The Magnus Protocol up to and including episode 16.

 

What is a CAT#?

A CAT# is the first 4-5 characters of an OIAR's incident report header. While these are not often referenced in the main body of the show, each incident we hear is accompanied by one in the show's description and transcript. As an example this is the case number for the first incident of episode 1.

CAT1RBC5257-12052022-09012024

Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret [Email]

The first line is the case number. CAT1 is this incident's CAT#. The RBC (R#/Rank) and 5257 (DPHW) have been topics I've discussed in essays I linked at the start. The second line is the header and is formatted “Section (Subsection) -/- Crosslink [Format]”. CAT#s is all we're concerning ourselves with today but I will be using this terminology going forward.
Now we know what they look like, what is it we know about them? Well, not much at all. From the show itself we know there are CAT1s, CAT2s, CAT3s and CAT23s. From the Klaus excel sheet that was found as part of the ARG (and can be found here) we also know there are CAT12s and CAT13s. With that information we can say with some certainty that CAT1, CAT2, and CAT3 are non-mutually exclusive groupings. It's very likely not a linear scale of some description—i.e CAT23 isn't between CAT2 and CAT3—because CAT13 doesn't fit such a scale. Which means that where there are two numbers in a CAT# that incident likely fits both groups rather than being a new group. This also strongly implies that an incident could be CAT123 although we have yet to see that demonstrated.
We also know that CAT is short for "Category". In the Klaus sheet these numbers are located in the "Kategorie" column. "Kategorie" being German for "category". This unfortunately doesn't tell us anything we didn't already know. CAT#s denote some form of grouping.
There is only one other fact we know about CAT#s and that's this:

ALICE
Right, so, after each entry there's four numbers. That’s the DPHW. So, “dolls comma watching” is… 1157. Then you cross reference with the table here, that would be a 2-C, and then you type that into the box here, along with date of incident if there is one and today’s date.

Which is not a lot to go on at all but it does raise an important question. How is a CAT# assigned? There are two major assumptions you could make here. The first is the “objective method” and that it’s a factor of either the section, subject, DPHW or a combination thereof. This means that they are pre-assigned in the same way that DPHWs are. This method has an inherent trait in that it means every header manifests as the same sort of thing. While it’s not a problem to say that every Doll (Watching) is the same— that could just be the rules of the setting—it does make CAT# itself somewhat redundant. The terminology of the headers will often describe something inherent about the CAT#. We have a CAT3 case that’s Dice (Bone) -/- Fate but dice are objects so why would you need to restate that?
The second is the “subjective method” in which the assessor chooses the CAT# based on the incident itself. The subjective method has a larger assumption built into it in that they know what CAT#s are. They don’t know what DPHW is and have shown no indication of knowing what CAT# is either. So I’d say it’s less likely that CAT#s are subjective rather than objective. However, for the purposes of this essay I will assume that both are as likely to be true as each other and will refer to them both. Different cases show different flaws when one of these is true over the other, so both will get discussed.
 

What is Person/Place/Object?

Person/Place/Object is the theory that the three single digit CAT#s stand for Person, Place, and Object respectively. Combinations of these digits represent that an incident falls into each category. A CAT1 incident indicates that the supernatural element of an incident is a person in some respect, while a CAT23 would indicate both a place and an object.
As I have mentioned this isn’t a theory with a single theorist or origin to point to. As such this theory isn’t a monolith and there is variation in how these categories are presented from theory to theory. Sometimes “Person” is literal and other times it includes any sentient thing, “places” aren’t always strictly physical locations, and the narrative framing of what “objects” are may shift. As such I will be taking the broadest interpretation of these categories as their definitions.
People will include animals and other sentient beings. Places will include metaphysical locations. Objects won’t need to be physical in nature. This is both the fairest I can be to all theories and also the strongest I can make this theory. The broader I can make these definitions, the more different ideas can be represented and the more wiggle room the CAT#s get.
What I’ll do next is run through all the incidents the show has mentioned and explain them as I see it. We’ll start with the ones that fit this theory well because they require little explanation. Then when that’s established we’ll talk about the places I think this theory falls down.
 

Which Incidents fit well?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: There is something like a zombie in this incident. That’s something like a person and so fits well.
CAT1RB4824 Injury (Needles) -/- Intimidation: Needles is definitely a person, no question there.
CAT1RB2275 Mascot (Kids) -/- Murder: Bonzo walks, “talks”, and probably thinks. He’s a person.
CAT1B4728 Mascot (Kids) -/- Frenzy: Bonzo is still doing that stuff so is still a person.
CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/-Horde: There was a person and they turned into snakes. Snakes count as people here too. Given the amount of snakes this is the most CAT1 CAT1.
CAT1RB-6451 Hunt (Aristocratic) -/- Compulsion: Lady M is the most person on this list.
CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Definitely involves a person doing something supernatural.
 

CAT2:

CAT2C8175 Infection (Full Body) -/- Arboreal: This incident takes place in a time and space bending garden. Makes perfect sense for CAT2.
CAT2RB2377 Disappearance (Undetermined) -/- Invitation: A spooky theatre is a location for sure.
 

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: In this instance the object in question is the tattoo. Which I think is really stretching the definition of “object” but I’m still going to give it to the theory.
CAT3C7494 Collection (Blood) -/- Musical: A magical violin is definitely an object.
CAT3RB3354 Dice (Bone) -/- Fate: Bone dice are inarguably objects.
CAT3RB4622 Gambling (Application) -/- Murder: It’s another stretch to call an app an object but, again, happy to give it to the theory.
 

CAT23:

CAT23RAB2155 Transformation (Eyes) -/- Trespass: In this incident’s case the location is the Magnus Institute and the object is the box RedCanary stole. I think there are some problems with this one but there is enough to get through.
 

Which Incidents Don't?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: You’re not misremembering, I did say this fit well. Because on the surface it really does make sense, but I think if you push just a little it makes very little sense. Why? Because any category you want to place this in is easily justified in the incident itself. There is a zombie-esque thing but also a Frankenstein-esque figure for CAT1. CAT 2 would be the location of the graveyard itself. It was chosen by the presumed creator of this zombie-like creature and is depicted similar to the one in Marked, a CAT23 incident. If this theory is correct and the Marked graveyard is supernatural I can’t see a reason to discount that possibility here. CAT3 fits too because the presumed creation method is that they were Frankenstein-ed which does require some sort of surgical apparatus. But whichever choice you make you’ve not really clarified the incident at all.
This issue is further seen in the methodology of assigning CAT#s.Objectively it has the same problem all objective assignments do. Reanimation implies there is going to be a reanimated person so restating that doesn’t add much. If we look at the subjective method then this is chosen largely at random. There isn’t enough of an indication in this incident to clearly state which CAT this is. So it’s neither helped in the assessment of the incident and doesn’t provide anything for response because all choices are justifiable.
 
CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/- Horde: Not misremembering here either. There is a problem with this one in that it’s demonstrated to be an infection. This makes the source of the affliction basically unknowable. The source could qualify it for other CATs but the larger issue here is that what CAT1 means here and what it means elsewhere are not that comparable. Needles, Bonzo, and Lady M are all sentient and independent. The afflicted we see in this case are normal people until they get very rapidly sick, summon a portal to the snake dimension in their throats, and die. Which leaves CAT1 translating to “something in the rough shape of a person” which is a really wide range of interpretations. Which is something I feel has little practical utility in either assessing or responding to these incidents.
 
CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Still not misremembering. While you can say that Ink5oul or Madame E are the person in this instance there is a major conflict here with CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic. If Daria’s transformation was CAT3 because tattoos are objects then there is no reasonable justification that this isn’t at least CAT13. It’s the same person, doing the same thing, to a very similar result but in a different CAT. The headers are entirely different, and so this/that may be misfiled, but it highlights a problem with Daria’s incident. If the incident with the Tattoo header isn’t an object then tattoos are probably not objects under this scheme.
If this is objective then this is always a person, or on people, which makes a great deal of sense. However if that’s the case then the objective method for Daria’s case sort of falls apart because there wasn’t really a secondary object there. Additionally, because all incidents with that case’s header being objects is a huge stretch. So if this incident, or that incident, is misfiled it doesn’t really matter. In either case (or even if both of them are misfiled), it largely disproves that tattoos are objects, creating a larger issue with that theory as it affects more than just this case. Subjectively as far as we’re aware Sam filed all three of the Ink5oul incidents. So he chose an object in Daria’s case but then opted against it here despite there being no real reason to that we can see. You could say that now Ink5oul has been in it more, he thinks Ink5oul has some sort of supernatural power themselves which makes them a CAT1; that would still make this CAT13 as episode 11 was CAT23.
 

CAT2:

CAT2RC1157 Dolls (Watching): This is a big one in my opinion. It’s not only the first incident we’re told about, but it's both Sam’s and our first exposure to an explanation of the OIAR’s filing system. It’s also one I see ignored in most of the posts that posit the Person/Place/Object theory. That is understandable as we don’t hear the incident itself but we do hear enough of it to show that there is a flaw in the theory.
What we hear about this incident is entirely focused on the doll itself and questions about its nature. It’s a split between Dolls (Watching) and Dolls (Human Skin) with the former being chosen as the latter is only implied. Dolls themselves are objects which would make this CAT3, and if the doll is sentient a CAT1. However, this is placed in CAT2 indicating that it's actually caused by the location in some respect. In order for that to make sense you have to make 3 major assumptions. Assumption 1: despite no indication in the conversation about this incident suggesting anything outside of the doll being strange there was actually a “haunted house”. Assumption 2: despite there being sections far more descriptive of locations—i.e Architecture—Dolls is more suited to this incident. Assumption 3: despite this being Sam’s/the audience’s first exposure to this system it leaves out the real source of the incident when, narratively, this is an explanation of it. Those are some fairly major assumptions to make to justify a theory.
This also has issues with either method of assigning CAT#s. If CAT# is objective then every Dolls (Watching) is actually a location. Unlike with something like Reanimation (Partial) that doesn't make much sense as dolls themselves are objects. In the subjective method, Alice assigned this as a location but their discussion of it centred solely on an object and she didn't explain to Sam why she did it.
 
CAT2RC3338 Agglomeration (Miscellany) -/- Congregation: This might be my favourite example of issues I have with this theory. To explain it we’ll look at this from both the objective and subjective methods while taking into account outside knowledge of the show from an audience perspective.
Everyone I’ve seen posit this theory attributes CAT2 to Hilltop here.They do this solely because of TMA. There is nothing in this episode that makes Hilltop out to be anything special in any way. But because Hilltop is special in TMA the audience is primed to view this location as special. It may very well be but there is no reason to think that. In fact, I’d argue there's reason to think otherwise based on this episode, but that is a little off topic for this essay. However from an objective perspective it can’t take Hilltop into account because not every header of this sort will take place in Hilltop. They could only manifest at special locations but that seems like a stretch. If it is true, why does this unique combination of words not include a word that describes it as a location? Subjectively it could be a misfile. Celia would be the only person who knows what Hilltop is in TMA— assuming some of the theories on her are correct—but that doesn’t make Hilltop important in and of itself. It also means she ignored large parts of this incident when filing it just to focus on that element. As this case is the one Alice uses to teach Celia the system with, then this also relies on Alice knowing or not correcting Celia. In either scenario this case is full of people of definite supernatural quality, lacks a location of supernatural quality, but has 100s of objects of dubious supernatural quality. Something doesn’t make sense here if this theory is correct.
 
CAT2RBC3366 Architecture (Liminal) -/- Hunger: This one is interesting because it shows a flaw not in the theory per se but in the methodology as a whole if the theory is correct. If CAT# is what the theory says it is why is this just CAT2? It being CAT2 at all is redundant when its header describes a location but in this incident we see it’s populated by supernatural creatures. I call them Uncannybals—as should you—and they’re monsters living in the shadow realm. That seems like very important information to include. So it should be CAT12 as there are both people and a place. The OIAR methodology already has the problem that you can’t include multiple headers but CAT#s, if they worked like this, could be used to alleviate that issue. The way it’s implemented here just makes it virtually pointless to include at all.
 

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: This was largely already covered. So simply put if Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic is an object because of the tattoo, and Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion is an object because of the tattoo, but Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac isn’t an object despite being virtually identical to this case then CAT3 doesn't mean object.
The method problems are the same as above too. Now this case is the one most likely of the three to be misfiled. So you could say that Daria's case is misfiled and would actually be CAT1 if filed correctly. Tattoos aren’t objects, this case is a mistake. Then you could explain that Marked is CAT23 because corpses are objects (so 13 if he was alive). Objectively this header always being CAT3 still poses problems because we know there are Transformations that don’t require objects. Which brings us back to the problem of “why are the headers so bad at describing these things?”. If it’s subjective Sam decided that object instead of person made more sense here. Seemingly based on the fact that there is a tattoo. Later on he changed his mind about this but choosing it in the first place seems like a stretch. If he knew what these things meant in order to choose them, object seems like a very unobvious choice.
 

CAT23:

CAT23RC5246 Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion: This one is fairly clear to me. I’m going to be very generous and suggest that the corpse here is the object based on the above. The reason this one is a problem is that there wasn’t a location here. I’ve seen people say that it must be the graveyard but that’s confirmation bias IMO. It wasn’t a large feature of the episode, didn’t do anything coastal graveyards don’t do, and had no overt supernatural properties to it. I don’t personally think anyone would categorise this as CAT23 based on the incident alone but because CAT23 people will justify it to fit. That’s not inherently a problem because sometimes you have to make assumptions but given all of the above I don’t think that assumption is a reasonable one to make.
Objectively all compelling corpse tattoos are found in magical graveyards—or morgues, tombs, goth bars, and other corpse hangouts—and I think we can all agree that’s sort of wack. Subjectively Sam decided the graveyard was magic despite there being nothing to suggest that.
 

Klaus’ CAT#s:

This is a bit of a special section. I briefly mention Klaus in the intro but I didn’t mention that some of the incidents we’ve heard have been found on the Klaus sheet. The canonicity of these aren’t 100% and I would say the show takes precedent so this is supplemental rather than definitive. I think I’ve more than shown that this theory doesn’t hold up. This is more of an academic exercise.
The big thing to know here is that Kluas’ cases lack headers entirely but that some Klaus cases have notes and it’s these notes attached. It’s only one’s with those notes I’m interested in for this because of how they relate to things we’ve heard. One case is CAT3RBC1567 with the note “tinte”. CAT3RBC1567 is Daria’s case and “tinte” is German for “ink”. So this is very likely that case. There are 4 other cases with that note and they’re two CAT1s, a CAT3, and a CAT13. So even if Daria’s case is misfiled not all of those are the correct CAT# for that assumption. There are also two CAT1s and a CAT2 marked “Herr B”, which is “Mr B” in English. These aren’t tied to a Bonzo case we’ve heard yet but one of them does take place in Bland Theme Park, Somerset. That’s not definitively Bonzo but it’s a good hint at it.
Additionally there are 6 CAT2 cases that have the note “Katzen LOL” or “Cats LOL” which you’d expect to be CAT1s if there are cats involved. In a similar vein there are one CAT1 and five CAT2s marked “Kreigsvolk” which is literally “War People” but more likely “Army” or “Soldiers”. Again, you’d expect more CAT1s if CAT1 is people.
I’m not saying any of the above is the backbone of my reasoning here but these are things that are showing up in the show and they do seem to be pointing the same direction as what I’m saying. Ignoring them entirely I think the theory doesn’t hold up but with them I think it’s very clear.
 

Conclusion

I don’t have much of a wrap up here. Anyone who’s been reading my posts for a while has known that I’ve never thought this theory worked. It’s not something I ever get too deep into because I’m also obviously happy for people to have ideas I disagree with, as am I happy for them to disagree with my ideas. That’s just healthy theorising. I’d been considering writing this for a while though but was mostly held back by not wanting to come across as some sort of arbiter of what is and isn’t correct, and didn’t want to seem like I was calling anyone out specifically. However a few people now said they wanted to see this and there are enough instances of parallel thought on this theory that it’s impossible for me to really single people out now. So here we are.
Just to reiterate for people that did/do believe this theory I don’t think anyone was stupid and/or wrong for thinking it. I hope if the above has convinced you that I’m right about it that you’re not dissuaded from making and sharing future theories. I’ve have 3 or 4 terrible CAT# theories and a few R# theories too. My current ideas on DPHW and R# might be awfully wrong in the long run and that’ll be okay.
That’s me anyway, hope this was at the very least an interesting read if it didn’t manage to be a convincing one. Bonzo! Bonzo!! Bonzo!!!

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

• They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
• They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
• They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
• They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

1. It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

1. ‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

• Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
• There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
• Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

• Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
• More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

• https://www.b4uact.org/
• https://asapinternational.org/index.php/introduction/about_asapinternational
• https://www.stopitnow.org/
• https://safersociety.org/store/live-online-training-providing-treatment-to-minor-attracted-people/
• https://theglobalpreventionproject.org/maps

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

• https://virped.org/
• https://www.mapresources.info/
• https://mapsupport.club/

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

Hi, I’m bonzos-number-1-fan You might know me from such theories as; "Theory of Fears; or, Zur Furchtlehre", "What R# Means: The ABCs of Fear" or, "Padlocks, How Do They Even Work?".
I’m back with another essay about this show. Today’s subject is a little different from previous ones. Rather than explaining what I think something in this show is, I’ll be explaining what I think it isn’t. What I’m going to be talking about is the very popular theory that CAT1/2/3 means the supernatural aspect is a Person/Place/Object.
Because I’m talking about other people’s ideas here I do want to start off by saying I understand why this theory is attractive and I don’t think anyone is stupid or anything for believing it. I just personally think there are angles from which it doesn’t work and that the sum of them makes it fairly certain to be untrue. I could be very wrong about that, and my other theories, or I could be very right. I don’t think either scenario matters much. This essay isn’t about being right but about talking about a big thing in the community. I just happen to not believe this one and people have signalled interest in hearing why.
So with all that out of the way I’m going to start by establishing the terminology being used. Then I’ll break down what this theory is positing and follow it up with the ways I think it does and doesn’t work. That’s basically it but with 16 episodes and supplemental material to cover it’s still not going to be terribly short.
Huge thanks to @brettanomycroft for proof reading/editing this madness.

Spoilers for The Magnus Protocol up to and including episode 16.

 

What is a CAT#?

A CAT# is the first 4-5 characters of an OIAR's incident report header. While these are not often referenced in the main body of the show, each incident we hear is accompanied by one in the show's description and transcript. As an example this is the case number for the first incident of episode 1.

CAT1RBC5257-12052022-09012024

Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret [Email]

The first line is the case number. CAT1 is this incident's CAT#. The RBC (R#/Rank) and 5257 (DPHW) have been topics I've discussed in essays I linked at the start. The second line is the header and is formatted “Section (Subsection) -/- Crosslink [Format]”. CAT#s is all we're concerning ourselves with today but I will be using this terminology going forward.
Now we know what they look like, what is it we know about them? Well, not much at all. From the show itself we know there are CAT1s, CAT2s, CAT3s and CAT23s. From the Klaus excel sheet that was found as part of the ARG (and can be found here) we also know there are CAT12s and CAT13s. With that information we can say with some certainty that CAT1, CAT2, and CAT3 are non-mutually exclusive groupings. It's very likely not a linear scale of some description—i.e CAT23 isn't between CAT2 and CAT3—because CAT13 doesn't fit such a scale. Which means that where there are two numbers in a CAT# that incident likely fits both groups rather than being a new group. This also strongly implies that an incident could be CAT123 although we have yet to see that demonstrated.
We also know that CAT is short for "Category". In the Klaus sheet these numbers are located in the "Kategorie" column. "Kategorie" being German for "category". This unfortunately doesn't tell us anything we didn't already know. CAT#s denote some form of grouping.
There is only one other fact we know about CAT#s and that's this:

ALICE
Right, so, after each entry there's four numbers. That’s the DPHW. So, “dolls comma watching” is… 1157. Then you cross reference with the table here, that would be a 2-C, and then you type that into the box here, along with date of incident if there is one and today’s date.

Which is not a lot to go on at all but it does raise an important question. How is a CAT# assigned? There are two major assumptions you could make here. The first is the “objective method” and that it’s a factor of either the section, subject, DPHW or a combination thereof. This means that they are pre-assigned in the same way that DPHWs are. This method has an inherent trait in that it means every header manifests as the same sort of thing. While it’s not a problem to say that every Doll (Watching) is the same— that could just be the rules of the setting—it does make CAT# itself somewhat redundant. The terminology of the headers will often describe something inherent about the CAT#. We have a CAT3 case that’s Dice (Bone) -/- Fate but dice are objects so why would you need to restate that?
The second is the “subjective method” in which the assessor chooses the CAT# based on the incident itself. The subjective method has a larger assumption built into it in that they know what CAT#s are. They don’t know what DPHW is and have shown no indication of knowing what CAT# is either. So I’d say it’s less likely that CAT#s are subjective rather than objective. However, for the purposes of this essay I will assume that both are as likely to be true as each other and will refer to them both. Different cases show different flaws when one of these is true over the other, so both will get discussed.
 

What is Person/Place/Object?

Person/Place/Object is the theory that the three single digit CAT#s stand for Person, Place, and Object respectively. Combinations of these digits represent that an incident falls into each category. A CAT1 incident indicates that the supernatural element of an incident is a person in some respect, while a CAT23 would indicate both a place and an object.
As I have mentioned this isn’t a theory with a single theorist or origin to point to. As such this theory isn’t a monolith and there is variation in how these categories are presented from theory to theory. Sometimes “Person” is literal and other times it includes any sentient thing, “places” aren’t always strictly physical locations, and the narrative framing of what “objects” are may shift. As such I will be taking the broadest interpretation of these categories as their definitions.
People will include animals and other sentient beings. Places will include metaphysical locations. Objects won’t need to be physical in nature. This is both the fairest I can be to all theories and also the strongest I can make this theory. The broader I can make these definitions, the more different ideas can be represented and the more wiggle room the CAT#s get.
What I’ll do next is run through all the incidents the show has mentioned and explain them as I see it. We’ll start with the ones that fit this theory well because they require little explanation. Then when that’s established we’ll talk about the places I think this theory falls down.
 

Which Incidents fit well?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: There is something like a zombie in this incident. That’s something like a person and so fits well.
CAT1RB4824 Injury (Needles) -/- Intimidation: Needles is definitely a person, no question there.
CAT1RB2275 Mascot (Kids) -/- Murder: Bonzo walks, “talks”, and probably thinks. He’s a person.
CAT1B4728 Mascot (Kids) -/- Frenzy: Bonzo is still doing that stuff so is still a person.
CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/-Horde: There was a person and they turned into snakes. Snakes count as people here too. Given the amount of snakes this is the most CAT1 CAT1.
CAT1RB-6451 Hunt (Aristocratic) -/- Compulsion: Lady M is the most person on this list.
CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Definitely involves a person doing something supernatural.
 

CAT2:

CAT2C8175 Infection (Full Body) -/- Arboreal: This incident takes place in a time and space bending garden. Makes perfect sense for CAT2.
CAT2RB2377 Disappearance (Undetermined) -/- Invitation: A spooky theatre is a location for sure.
 

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: In this instance the object in question is the tattoo. Which I think is really stretching the definition of “object” but I’m still going to give it to the theory.
CAT3C7494 Collection (Blood) -/- Musical: A magical violin is definitely an object.
CAT3RB3354 Dice (Bone) -/- Fate: Bone dice are inarguably objects.
CAT3RB4622 Gambling (Application) -/- Murder: It’s another stretch to call an app an object but, again, happy to give it to the theory.
 

CAT23:

CAT23RAB2155 Transformation (Eyes) -/- Trespass: In this incident’s case the location is the Magnus Institute and the object is the box RedCanary stole. I think there are some problems with this one but there is enough to get through.
 

Which Incidents Don't?

CAT1:

CAT1RBC5257 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret: You’re not misremembering, I did say this fit well. Because on the surface it really does make sense, but I think if you push just a little it makes very little sense. Why? Because any category you want to place this in is easily justified in the incident itself. There is a zombie-esque thing but also a Frankenstein-esque figure for CAT1. CAT 2 would be the location of the graveyard itself. It was chosen by the presumed creator of this zombie-like creature and is depicted similar to the one in Marked, a CAT23 incident. If this theory is correct and the Marked graveyard is supernatural I can’t see a reason to discount that possibility here. CAT3 fits too because the presumed creation method is that they were Frankenstein-ed which does require some sort of surgical apparatus. But whichever choice you make you’ve not really clarified the incident at all.
This issue is further seen in the methodology of assigning CAT#s.Objectively it has the same problem all objective assignments do. Reanimation implies there is going to be a reanimated person so restating that doesn’t add much. If we look at the subjective method then this is chosen largely at random. There isn’t enough of an indication in this incident to clearly state which CAT this is. So it’s neither helped in the assessment of the incident and doesn’t provide anything for response because all choices are justifiable.
 
CAT1RB4426 Transformation (Snake) -/- Horde: Not misremembering here either. There is a problem with this one in that it’s demonstrated to be an infection. This makes the source of the affliction basically unknowable. The source could qualify it for other CATs but the larger issue here is that what CAT1 means here and what it means elsewhere are not that comparable. Needles, Bonzo, and Lady M are all sentient and independent. The afflicted we see in this case are normal people until they get very rapidly sick, summon a portal to the snake dimension in their throats, and die. Which leaves CAT1 translating to “something in the rough shape of a person” which is a really wide range of interpretations. Which is something I feel has little practical utility in either assessing or responding to these incidents.
 
CAT1RB1565 Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac: Still not misremembering. While you can say that Ink5oul or Madame E are the person in this instance there is a major conflict here with CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic. If Daria’s transformation was CAT3 because tattoos are objects then there is no reasonable justification that this isn’t at least CAT13. It’s the same person, doing the same thing, to a very similar result but in a different CAT. The headers are entirely different, and so this/that may be misfiled, but it highlights a problem with Daria’s incident. If the incident with the Tattoo header isn’t an object then tattoos are probably not objects under this scheme.
If this is objective then this is always a person, or on people, which makes a great deal of sense. However if that’s the case then the objective method for Daria’s case sort of falls apart because there wasn’t really a secondary object there. Additionally, because all incidents with that case’s header being objects is a huge stretch. So if this incident, or that incident, is misfiled it doesn’t really matter. In either case (or even if both of them are misfiled), it largely disproves that tattoos are objects, creating a larger issue with that theory as it affects more than just this case. Subjectively as far as we’re aware Sam filed all three of the Ink5oul incidents. So he chose an object in Daria’s case but then opted against it here despite there being no real reason to that we can see. You could say that now Ink5oul has been in it more, he thinks Ink5oul has some sort of supernatural power themselves which makes them a CAT1; that would still make this CAT13 as episode 11 was CAT23.
 

CAT2:

CAT2RC1157 Dolls (Watching): This is a big one in my opinion. It’s not only the first incident we’re told about, but it's both Sam’s and our first exposure to an explanation of the OIAR’s filing system. It’s also one I see ignored in most of the posts that posit the Person/Place/Object theory. That is understandable as we don’t hear the incident itself but we do hear enough of it to show that there is a flaw in the theory.
What we hear about this incident is entirely focused on the doll itself and questions about its nature. It’s a split between Dolls (Watching) and Dolls (Human Skin) with the former being chosen as the latter is only implied. Dolls themselves are objects which would make this CAT3, and if the doll is sentient a CAT1. However, this is placed in CAT2 indicating that it's actually caused by the location in some respect. In order for that to make sense you have to make 3 major assumptions. Assumption 1: despite no indication in the conversation about this incident suggesting anything outside of the doll being strange there was actually a “haunted house”. Assumption 2: despite there being sections far more descriptive of locations—i.e Architecture—Dolls is more suited to this incident. Assumption 3: despite this being Sam’s/the audience’s first exposure to this system it leaves out the real source of the incident when, narratively, this is an explanation of it. Those are some fairly major assumptions to make to justify a theory.
This also has issues with either method of assigning CAT#s. If CAT# is objective then every Dolls (Watching) is actually a location. Unlike with something like Reanimation (Partial) that doesn't make much sense as dolls themselves are objects. In the subjective method, Alice assigned this as a location but their discussion of it centred solely on an object and she didn't explain to Sam why she did it.
 
CAT2RC3338 Agglomeration (Miscellany) -/- Congregation: This might be my favourite example of issues I have with this theory. To explain it we’ll look at this from both the objective and subjective methods while taking into account outside knowledge of the show from an audience perspective.
Everyone I’ve seen posit this theory attributes CAT2 to Hilltop here.They do this solely because of TMA. There is nothing in this episode that makes Hilltop out to be anything special in any way. But because Hilltop is special in TMA the audience is primed to view this location as special. It may very well be but there is no reason to think that. In fact, I’d argue there's reason to think otherwise based on this episode, but that is a little off topic for this essay. However from an objective perspective it can’t take Hilltop into account because not every header of this sort will take place in Hilltop. They could only manifest at special locations but that seems like a stretch. If it is true, why does this unique combination of words not include a word that describes it as a location? Subjectively it could be a misfile. Celia would be the only person who knows what Hilltop is in TMA— assuming some of the theories on her are correct—but that doesn’t make Hilltop important in and of itself. It also means she ignored large parts of this incident when filing it just to focus on that element. As this case is the one Alice uses to teach Celia the system with, then this also relies on Alice knowing or not correcting Celia. In either scenario this case is full of people of definite supernatural quality, lacks a location of supernatural quality, but has 100s of objects of dubious supernatural quality. Something doesn’t make sense here if this theory is correct.
 
CAT2RBC3366 Architecture (Liminal) -/- Hunger: This one is interesting because it shows a flaw not in the theory per se but in the methodology as a whole if the theory is correct. If CAT# is what the theory says it is why is this just CAT2? It being CAT2 at all is redundant when its header describes a location but in this incident we see it’s populated by supernatural creatures. I call them Uncannybals—as should you—and they’re monsters living in the shadow realm. That seems like very important information to include. So it should be CAT12 as there are both people and a place. The OIAR methodology already has the problem that you can’t include multiple headers but CAT#s, if they worked like this, could be used to alleviate that issue. The way it’s implemented here just makes it virtually pointless to include at all.
 

CAT3:

CAT3RBC1567 Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic: This was largely already covered. So simply put if Transformation (Full) -/- Dysmorphic is an object because of the tattoo, and Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion is an object because of the tattoo, but Tattoo (Influencer) -/- Cardiac isn’t an object despite being virtually identical to this case then CAT3 doesn't mean object.
The method problems are the same as above too. Now this case is the one most likely of the three to be misfiled. So you could say that Daria's case is misfiled and would actually be CAT1 if filed correctly. Tattoos aren’t objects, this case is a mistake. Then you could explain that Marked is CAT23 because corpses are objects (so 13 if he was alive). Objectively this header always being CAT3 still poses problems because we know there are Transformations that don’t require objects. Which brings us back to the problem of “why are the headers so bad at describing these things?”. If it’s subjective Sam decided that object instead of person made more sense here. Seemingly based on the fact that there is a tattoo. Later on he changed his mind about this but choosing it in the first place seems like a stretch. If he knew what these things meant in order to choose them, object seems like a very unobvious choice.
 

CAT23:

CAT23RC5246 Tattoo (Corpse) -/- Compulsion: This one is fairly clear to me. I’m going to be very generous and suggest that the corpse here is the object based on the above. The reason this one is a problem is that there wasn’t a location here. I’ve seen people say that it must be the graveyard but that’s confirmation bias IMO. It wasn’t a large feature of the episode, didn’t do anything coastal graveyards don’t do, and had no overt supernatural properties to it. I don’t personally think anyone would categorise this as CAT23 based on the incident alone but because CAT23 people will justify it to fit. That’s not inherently a problem because sometimes you have to make assumptions but given all of the above I don’t think that assumption is a reasonable one to make.
Objectively all compelling corpse tattoos are found in magical graveyards—or morgues, tombs, goth bars, and other corpse hangouts—and I think we can all agree that’s sort of wack. Subjectively Sam decided the graveyard was magic despite there being nothing to suggest that.
 

Klaus’ CAT#s:

This is a bit of a special section. I briefly mention Klaus in the intro but I didn’t mention that some of the incidents we’ve heard have been found on the Klaus sheet. The canonicity of these aren’t 100% and I would say the show takes precedent so this is supplemental rather than definitive. I think I’ve more than shown that this theory doesn’t hold up. This is more of an academic exercise.
The big thing to know here is that Kluas’ cases lack headers entirely but that some Klaus cases have notes and it’s these notes attached. It’s only one’s with those notes I’m interested in for this because of how they relate to things we’ve heard. One case is CAT3RBC1567 with the note “tinte”. CAT3RBC1567 is Daria’s case and “tinte” is German for “ink”. So this is very likely that case. There are 4 other cases with that note and they’re two CAT1s, a CAT3, and a CAT13. So even if Daria’s case is misfiled not all of those are the correct CAT# for that assumption. There are also two CAT1s and a CAT2 marked “Herr B”, which is “Mr B” in English. These aren’t tied to a Bonzo case we’ve heard yet but one of them does take place in Bland Theme Park, Somerset. That’s not definitively Bonzo but it’s a good hint at it.
Additionally there are 6 CAT2 cases that have the note “Katzen LOL” or “Cats LOL” which you’d expect to be CAT1s if there are cats involved. In a similar vein there are one CAT1 and five CAT2s marked “Kreigsvolk” which is literally “War People” but more likely “Army” or “Soldiers”. Again, you’d expect more CAT1s if CAT1 is people.
I’m not saying any of the above is the backbone of my reasoning here but these are things that are showing up in the show and they do seem to be pointing the same direction as what I’m saying. Ignoring them entirely I think the theory doesn’t hold up but with them I think it’s very clear.
 

Conclusion

I don’t have much of a wrap up here. Anyone who’s been reading my posts for a while has known that I’ve never thought this theory worked. It’s not something I ever get too deep into because I’m also obviously happy for people to have ideas I disagree with, as am I happy for them to disagree with my ideas. That’s just healthy theorising. I’d been considering writing this for a while though but was mostly held back by not wanting to come across as some sort of arbiter of what is and isn’t correct, and didn’t want to seem like I was calling anyone out specifically. However a few people now said they wanted to see this and there are enough instances of parallel thought on this theory that it’s impossible for me to really single people out now. So here we are.
Just to reiterate for people that did/do believe this theory I don’t think anyone was stupid and/or wrong for thinking it. I hope if the above has convinced you that I’m right about it that you’re not dissuaded from making and sharing future theories. I’ve have 3 or 4 terrible CAT# theories and a few R# theories too. My current ideas on DPHW and R# might be awfully wrong in the long run and that’ll be okay.
That’s me anyway, hope this was at the very least an interesting read if it didn’t manage to be a convincing one. Bonzo! Bonzo!! Bonzo!!!

I'm very clueless socially - or at least I've been told.
Point being when I notice things, it must be pretty obvious.
Many of the shows I've watched the past year (particularly anything related to paramount it seems) seems to constantly shit on "normal" people - which I don't mind in moderation, but basically every show now seems to have an underlying theme now that undermines or makes fun of normal people. it's like the writers or producers basically hate most of the people that live in between the east coast and west coast - it's just wierd.
and it's laid on so thick that if you transported me from twenty years ago to today i'd say these shows were mocking themselves by being this "thick" with it.
have a dumb person? a bad person? a sexist person? yep, it's a normal person basically.
case in point: any new trek it seems. Also I was re-watching halo season two and it really really lays it on thick, and it's almost as if they show's producers are deliberately shitting on the fan base in so many ways.
I really don't mind any of the above too much, but it's done so slovishly that it's hard not to notice - they put it on so "thick" they are almost mocking themselves by laying it on so thick.
Anyone else notice this?
and what the hell is going on here? are they trying to make up for weinstein's crap? are most of the writers that politically motivated in everything they write now?
and do they not care that normal people living in the midwest see this shit, and it drives them nuts, to the point of turning off the tv or switching channels?
an example that comes to mind, to illustrate the above;
One scene that comes to mind is in Halo Season Two where they had (seriously) a blind guy in a combat situation shooting grenades / using a grenade launcher to kill the enemy, and does kill a few elites. The guy was gay and an albino, which the show made sure you knew, which is fine but shows do this all the time so that "you know" even though it normally has nothing to do with the plot to begin with. The scene was so farcical I couldn't help but wonder whether the producers were deliberately trolling the viewing audience - blind? and why do i need to know the sexual orientation of every person now?

On that morning, I found myself in a science class. The details of the assignment escape me now, for all that remains etched in my memory is the intense dread that was about to unfold. In the blink of an eye, everything changed. The events that ensued happened so quickly.
It was awesome in the way that it was awe-inspiring, but the awe was for the sheer magnitude of abject fear. Without warning, my ears popped from a sudden and drastic change in air pressure. In the following instant, a jarring rumble shook the entire classroom, accompanied by a deafening blast that robbed me of breath. Instinctively, we abandoned our unfinished finals and we hastily made our way toward the aisle between the rows of desks, surprisingly maintaining a semblance of order.
The blaring fire alarm pierced through the air as our teacher wasted no time in guiding us out of the classroom. I felt like a lamb lead to slaughter. We followed the teachers' lead, navigating the corridors toward the nearest exit. As I turned a corner, my mother's classroom came into full view, and what I beheld was a nightmare made manifest.
A surreal terror gripped me, freezing me in place. My mother's classroom door, blown off its hinges, lay against the opposing wall in a splintered heap. The space between the door and frame was filled with an enraged inferno, desperately and forcefully bellowing from within. I was the observer who was now left to bear witness to this wake.
I don't know what compelled me to charge into that blazing fortress. Was it a delusion of invincibility? A desperate belief that I could save her like a superhero? Or was it a simple act of need, driven by an unexplainable force? I cannot say.
I pushed through the wall of flames and smoke, and I descended the staircase in a manner fitting of an infant; erratic, frantic, and without coordination. And there, at the bottom step, an unusual coldness enveloped me. Though darkness cast by the smoke enveloped everything, a faint glimmer from a small window illuminated my mother's desk.
A person who was wailing in apparent agony was across the room, however. The acrid stench of burning flesh and hair assaulted my senses, threatening to overpower me. Gradually, my eyes adjusted to the darkness, granting me an unwelcome gift of sight. The horrifying images etched themselves deeply into my psyche—charred bodies strewn across the floor, their limbs twisted and contorted. Some still smoldered, consumed by thin lines of crimson crawling greedily along their blackened skin, reduced to ash.
The scene was catastrophic.
It was repulsive.
A nauseating sensation crept up from within, that familiar prelude to vomiting. I fought to suppress it, driven by a compelling instinct to find the crying emanating from an overturned desk in the far corner of the room.
"That must be my mom... she's still alive!" I thought so naively.
My path was obstructed by the lifeless forms of a classmates.Deep down, my gut warned me to leave the scene to my imagination, but I ignored its plea. Almost reaching the desk, my attention was drawn to yet another body lying in my path. This one was slightly larger than the others. It took only a moment to realize the unthinkable—this was my mother. Her right side was gruesomely absent, her eyes clouded with milky white, and her jaw hung slack. She had lost an arm... and a leg.
Dead.
My mother lay lifeless at my feet.
The sound of sobbing erupted again, originating from behind the desk. No discernible words, just heartbreaking sobs. Setting aside my grief for the moment, cloaked in shock, I left my mother's side to aid this person. The true magnitude of the disaster had not yet fully sunk in, the rationalization that no human could have survived.
The crying grew louder as I approached, echoing not only in my ears but in my thoughts. It drowned out the clamor of the alarms, urging me to forward. It was as if I had been ensnared in a waking dream, where the cries became my sole focus, blotting out everything else.
Reaching the desk, I cautiously peered behind it, my eyes drawn to a huddled figure in the corner. His blackened skin mirrored the others, and he possessed little remaining hair. Tremors coursed through his body as he faced the wall, his arms extended limply, hands hanging delicately from his forearms.
"HEY," I yelled, "We have to get out! There's a gas leak!" No response. Perhaps the explosion had damaged his hearing.
Instinctively, I reached out and grasped his hand. The moment our skin made contact, the crying ceased, and the tremors subsided. A new sense of startled unease washed over me. Slowly, he began to turn his head towards me, his neck moving with jerky, disjointed snaps. And then, I beheld his face. Wet leathery skin clung to his emaciated skull, while his wide eyes, milky grey and white, mirrored my mother's. Through a slackened jaw, browned teeth peered out of a mouth devoid of lips. His broken nose sat withered upon his face. His leathery skin continued down his nude and skeletal frame, with patches peeling off, revealing a putrid yellow fluid oozing from the infected wounds.
I stood there in shock, witnessing his convulsions and heaves. His head, rocking like that of a newborn, fixated on me. He took a long ragged, strained breath and released a sound unlike anything I had ever heard before. No, that's not the right way to describe it. The sound triggered a sensation within me, a feeling that wasn't entirely my own. I was engulfed by an overwhelming grief, an intense pain that consumed me entirely. Guilt as I had never known flooded me, threatening to drown me in its depths.
I recoiled from the desk, stumbling backward until I fell onto my mother's charred remains. A cloud of ash billowed forth, caressing my face as I gasped for air. I inadvertently inhaled the plume of my mother's ash. I vomited, tears and bile streaming uncontrollably. I began crawling on hands and knees as I distanced myself from the nightmare.
I crawled, then ran once I regained my footing. I ran out of that room, through the engulfing flames, through the school, and past my bewildered classmates.
Just keep running.
Eventually, I collapsed in a local park, where the police discovered me. I remember the cold, crisp grass caressing my face, leaving behind wet stains from its melting lash.
The officer who found me sat silently beside me in the field, offering no words of advice or encouragement but his simple presence was comforting in hindsight. He didn't rush me even when we both were shivering to our core once the cold lay with our bones.While the officer drove me home, I awoke to a reality that felt both distant and surreal. The following year slipped away in a haze, an amalgamation of twisting memories and blurred moments.
I found myself residing in my mother's home, under the temporary custody of my aunt and uncle. My aunt handed me a substantial sum of cash from the life insurance payout. It was an overwhelming amount for a seventeen-year-old to possess while grappling with the weight of responsibility. I failed so miserably.
The passing months merged, as if time itself was nothing more than a fleeting illusion. I teetered on the precipice, constantly oscillating between moments of intoxication and near unconsciousness. My days were spent in a perpetual state of chasing a fragile equilibrium. And so, as predictable and anticlimactic as it may sound, I succumbed to the overwhelming grip of a heroin overdose.
It was my aunt who discovered me in that state, a sight she never deserved to witness. She was far too good to be exposed to the wretchedness that had consumed me.
Preparing the syringe, I found a suitable vein, and sent the liquid bliss coursing through my veins. Was it my fifth hit? Sixth? More than I had ever done before. The rush surged through my body with an intensity I couldn't handle. My balance faltered, and I collapsed onto the couch, my head spinning in a disorienting haze. I slipped into unconsciousness, unaware of the vomit that spilled forth from my mouth. At the moment, I believe I was on the brink of death.
I vaguely remember my aunt's scream as she walked through the front door. I'm sure I looked just like the death I was longing for.
Rehabilitation became an inevitable path I had to tread, accompanied by a watchful eye to prevent any further harm. I grappled with a profound sense of worthlessness, despite the earnest efforts of those around me. Weeks bled into months, and progress towards my recovery became a slow, agonizing burn. No matter the tools and coping mechanisms I acquired, no matter the mental acrobatics I performed, I found myself sinking deeper into the abyss.
The insidious cravings for substances clung to my heart with sickening tenacity.
Over the following year, I retreated into seclusion. Depression became my constant companion, blurring the days together into an indistinguishable haze. I traded one vice for countless others, escaping reality through endless hours of pornography and video games, despising every fiber of my existence late into the solitary nights. Even in sleep, I found no respite.
My nights were tormented by relentless nightmares, unyielding in their pursuit of stealing away what little rest I had left. At my emotional nadir, I ceased to care for even my most basic needs. My body, an instrument of survival, was now perpetually hunched, bent by the weight of my deteriorating state. I had become a repugnant wreck, a physical manifestation of the turmoil within my mind. I was a mirror reflecting the distorted image of my decayed mentality.
The battle against my demons was impossible, and I was losing myself in the process. My life soon embarked on a transformative journey though, emerging from the tattered remnants of an existence that had unwittingly become my solace.
It began with a simple spark, an eruption of laughter that echoed through the air.
It was not a mere chuckle or a fleeting smirk; it was a belly-deep laugh that reverberated within me. The sound itself felt foreign, stirring a mixture of confusion and exhilaration. At that moment, I felt an immense pride swell within me.
Soon after, I shed my former self, transitioning from a reanimated corpse to an animated being. My newfound addiction became growth, and I pursued it with unwavering fervor. I constructed a fortress, a barricade capable of withstanding the relentless onslaught of my mind. I tamed the internal chaos that had consumed me, gradually reclaiming control over my destiny. With every step, I crawled my way up that treacherous mountain, resolute and unyielding.
Knowing that I had to venture beyond the confines of my childhood home to nurture my emotional development, I made a decision without hesitation. I relinquished my home to my aunt, packed my belongings, and began a new chapter with a journey to Florida.
I found refuge in a modest vacation cabin nestled amidst the serenity of the Everglades. I resided in splendid isolation. There were no neighbors for miles around, and the land I occupied belonged to a kind couple who were seldom present. The cabin was ensconced within a dense, humid forest—a lush sanctuary that provided me ample opportunity to confront my innermost thoughts, contributing to the arduous path of my recovery. Though the reclusive lifestyle persisted, I reveled in newfound freedom. The forest that encircled me was a testament to nature's magnificence.
It thrived with resplendent beauty, teeming with life and vibrant hues. The symphony of birdsong permeated the air, intertwining with the gentle hum of insects as the sun gracefully bid farewell to the sky, descending beyond the western horizon. It was a captivating contrast to the desolate nights I had once known. Occasionally, I would venture to an ocean-fed creek a mere stone's throw away from my dwelling, indulging in the peaceful art of fishing.
It was precisely what I had yearned for.
My life had become my own once again. Though the memories of that fateful night still carried a tinge of pain, they had become more bearable, more manageable. I was on the cusp of uttering those elusive words: "I am happy."
Until the nightly lamentations returned, the anguished cries piercing the silence, a relentless reminder of the entity that hunted me.
Sleep became an elusive luxury, for as darkness descended, the haunting wails shattered any chance of rest. The cries persisted, growing louder with each passing week. They invaded my sleepless nights, penetrating the silence of my room. I lay there, consumed by desperation, pleading for the torment to cease.
The cries filled my head and blocked out everything. It forced me to feel a torrent of forgotten pain. My barricade was fracturing. My rancor was waking up. My war returned with a windfall that left me breathless.
I broke so quickly.
So quietly.
Like sand in the palm of my hands, my joy slipped away through my fingers. My laugh died in my throat. The cries became a force that unleashed a deluge of forgotten anguish, shattering the barricade I had erected. Fatigue wore me down, transforming me into a mere shadow of my former self.
I became a captive in my mind. Yet, within the depths of my despair, a spark of hope still waivered amidst the chaos. I vowed to confront the source of this nocturnal torment, to unravel its strangling grip on my life. Then, one fateful night, I stirred from a nap that had inadvertently consumed me.
A strange sensation tugged at my mind, rousing me from my slumber. The room was shrouded in an eerie silence, the clock displaying the time as 1:26 am. With a sense of cautious curiosity, I rose from my seat and made my way toward the front door, spurred by a newfound audacity.
Perhaps I believed that by directly confronting this apparition, I could dispel my fears and bring an end to my relentless experience.
That night, the air was eerily calm, devoid of the usual screams. I pressed my face against the small window on the door, peering into the darkness beyond, half-expecting to find only an indistinct shadow. But to my astonishment, there it stood, staring back at me with an intensity that sent shivers down my spine. Our faces were separated by a mere fraction of an inch of glass, locked in a macabre face-to-face encounter. A cacophony of screams erupted, shattering the once-tranquil air and sending tremors through the very foundation of my home.
The feeble glow from the kitchen illuminated his face, etching its haunting contours deep within the recesses of my mind. His quivering jaw moved erratically, a grotesque dance of opening and closing with each labored breath. Each exhale birthed a clinging mist, smearing the glass with intricate patterns reminiscent of inkblots, transforming its pristine surface into a testament of eerie artistry.
His vacant eyes remained fixed ahead, devoid of recognition as if ensnared within the merciless clutches of unyielding madness. With unsteady steps, he gradually retreated, his form eventually shrinking into a crouched position mere feet away from my door. There was no denying the undeniable presence before me. Fear, curiosity, and a twisted fascination intertwined within me, forming a turbulent whirlwind of conflicting impulses.
Who was he? What did he want? Questions plagued my mind, but answers eluded me. It was as if this apparition had materialized from the depths of my darkest nightmares, haunting my reality with its unsettling presence.
Though an unsettling truth sat within me, there was no denying the raw reality of his existence. This was no figment of my imagination; it was a chilling encounter with a realm beyond comprehension. My scream tore through the air, an instinctual response fueled by a surge of primal emotions. No coherent words could encapsulate the overwhelming turmoil within me.
I had escaped across the country to flee from this torment, yet here it was, huddled just feet away, mocking my desperate attempt at solace.
It felt like a cruel joke my own mind was playing on me. "LEAVE ME ALONE!" I shouted, my voice cracking as tears streamed down my face.
"PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" My cries resembled the agonized wails of a wounded and trapped animal, raw and untamed.
Outside, the creature continued its relentless screams, rising to its feet with an eerie, disjointed movement. It approached my door, its contorted posture resembling a grotesque bending of the body, skin tearing as it leaned. Yellow fluid oozed from its wounds.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!" I yelled again, unleashing a surge of pent-up emotion that had been dormant for far too long.
But my plea fell upon rotting ears that could not comprehend or sympathize. It reached my door. I had rehearsed this moment in my mind during my early days in the forest.
Over and over, I had imagined how I would confront and eradicate this embodiment of my deteriorating sanity. Suicide was not my desire, but I had chosen this entity as the symbol of my mental decline, the entity that needed to be eliminated. Driven by panic and instinct, I grabbed the fire axe hanging above my table, my body moving mechanically as I propelled myself toward the barrier that separated us. A wordless scream of terror, revulsion, and hatred erupted from deep within me as I crashed through the door, my clenched teeth unable to contain the overwhelming intensity of my emotions.
The creature was struck by the door, its body forcefully pushed backward, eliciting a feral gasp from its throat. Now, I was determined to end it.
"Kill it." "Kill me." "Candle." "KILL." The words reverberated in an unsettling loop within my mind, out of sync with each other, fueling my purpose as I prepared to face the culmination of my anguish.
In a whirlwind of uncontrolled movement, I tumbled down the steps, my body flailing as I crashed onto the unyielding ground. Before I could fully process the fall, I found myself on my feet, instinctively rising without conscious thought.
And there it was, face to face with me, its breath uncomfortably warm and sticky against my skin. The putrid stench of decay invaded my nostrils, causing me to recoil in fear and repulsion. Backing up until I was pressed against the wall of my house, I felt my courage waver, my resolve crumble. I realized I was not strong enough, not capable of facing this. Then, it screamed, convulsed, and trembled before me, its milky eyes fixed on an unseen horizon.
Its hands stretched out, reaching for something beyond my comprehension. With that scream, a surge of courage and rage flooded my being. It was the same as it had been all those years ago in the school, an overwhelming flood of emotions that were not truly mine to feel.
It's difficult to articulate, but I embodied those emotions and allowed them to engulf me, to consume me.
"Kill."
The word reverberated relentlessly in my mind. Springing forward with a primal scream, I swung the axe with all my might, the blade sinking deep into its side. The sensation of bone deflecting the force of my strike is etched into my memory, never to be forgotten.
Blood and other fluids sprayed from the wound as it took a few faltering steps to the side, pushed by the momentum of my assault. The creature ceased its cries, its tremors, its breath. Time stood still as it finally turned to look at me. Fear rooted me in place, holding me captive in its gaze. We stared at each other, locked in a moment that felt like an eternity.
Foul breath washed over me once more, seeping into my senses. Beyond that, nothing happened. We simply stood there, locked in a silent exchange. I willed my frozen bones to thaw, my mind transitioning from terror and frenzied rage to... something else.
It wasn't pride, but rather a different, indescribable emotion. Yet, it carried a sense of triumph, I believe.
Unbeknownst to me, it had reached out and gently grasped my arm, its touch going unnoticed until it began to speak.
"I never... meant to... scare you..." he rasped, his voice torn and ragged, struggling to emerge between shallow breaths. "I'm sorry... this has to... happen to... you..." its words filled with agony and desperation. Tears welled up in its eyes, a flicker of pain crossing its face as its ragged hand clutched at the axe lodged in its new laceration. "Please... kill... me..." he wheezed, his plea reverberating in my mind and reaching my ears simultaneously. With its other hand, it gripped the axe and brought the blade to its neck. "Kill me... candle... kill. NOW!"
The final word echoed like an explosion within my head as its hand pressed against my face. Everything plunged into darkness for a fragmented moment as I swung the axe. Suddenly, I felt myself hurtling through space, a void engulfing me. The air grew cold, and the wind whipped past, intensifying the disorienting descent.
I screamed in a frenzy of confusion and terror, my voice lost in the abyss. Downward I plummeted, faster and faster, the nauseating sensation overwhelming me. In the distance, far below, a growing light pierced through the darkness. Fresh tears streamed down my face, blurring my vision and making it difficult to gauge the proximity of the light, and how much time remained before I would be halted by the unforgiving ground. But it was rapidly approaching.
I squeezed my eyes shut, unleashing a defiant scream that echoed through the void. In the face of imminent death, I summoned every ounce of defiance within me. "I want to live." The words echoed in my mind, a fervent plea repeating like a mantra. I curled into a protective ball, bracing myself for the impending impact that would mark my brutal end.
Seconds stretched into eternity as I awaited the inevitable. Then, with a soft and gentle thud, I collided with the ground, the impact far less severe than anticipated. A feeble whimper escaped me, carrying away the remnants of my shattered pride. Slowly, I uncoiled my limbs and remained still, a mix of confusion and exhaustion paralyzing me.
Was this death? Or had I somehow managed to survive? At the very least, I was conscious. I reached out with my hands, feeling the texture of the hardwood floor beneath me. Rolling onto my back, I extended my arms as far as they would go, searching for walls that eluded my touch, instead only finding a formless nothingness. I released a weak, triumphant sigh, throwing my arm in the air, and darkness claimed me once more, my consciousness slipping away.
When I awoke, I found myself in an unfamiliar hallway, illuminated by an ethereal light. Glancing around from my position on the floor, I took in the details of my surroundings. The hallway stretched endlessly in both directions, its warped and aged dark wood floors covered in a thick layer of dust.
On each side of me, two doors stood, adorned with handles veiled in shadows. Illuminated by flickering candles, the doors cast dancing shadows on the faded white paint. Ornate red and gold walls framed the hall, extending into the distance without interruption.
The air hung still, thin, and cold, creating an atmosphere of eerie stillness. Summoning my strength, I pushed myself upright, drawing a reflexive breath, only to find that my lungs refused to cooperate. I couldn't draw in the air, an unsettling revelation that further shook my already fragile state. Yet, amidst the disquietude, an unexpected acceptance settled upon me.
"Maybe I truly am dead," I mused, "and perhaps this is limbo or some other realm beyond the realm of the living."
Standing before the doors, I reached out and brushed off the accumulated dust, my fingers tracing patterns on the bronzed knobs. With hopeful anticipation, I attempted to turn the knob of the door on my right, but it remained resolute, refusing to yield.
Disheartened, I turned my attention to the door on my left, hoping for a different outcome. Yet, once again, my efforts proved fruitless. The doors remained firmly shut, denying me entry. A sense of resignation settled over me as I contemplated the possibility that I had indeed entered a realm of limbo or purgatory, where the deceased wander aimlessly, seeking answers and respite.
If there were lessons to be learned or tasks to be fulfilled, I had yet to discover them. But the absence of purpose, the prospect of eternal nothingness, weighed heavily on my soul. With a deep breath, I made the conscious decision to venture further into the darkness, forsaking the dwindling light behind me. Hours turned into an indeterminate passage of time as I traversed the boundless corridor, my hand tracing the cold surface of the wall for guidance.
Fatigue and hunger eluded me, further reinforcing the notion that I had in fact died.
If this was the extent of my existence, an eternal cycle of aimless wandering, I yearned for something more. The prospect of mere nothingness, devoid of purpose or meaning, felt like a reality abandoned by the gods themselves. Determination and desperation mingled within me, urging me to maintain my pace and to keep moving forward despite the gnawing uncertainty.
And then, a sudden burst of light ruptured the darkness behind me, catching me off guard. The icy tendrils of fear gripped my chest, causing me to flail and stumble, my yelp swallowed by the void. With a surprising display of grace, I rolled with the fall and swiftly turned around, propelled by a desperate longing. Desperation fueled my actions as I lunged for the handle of the nearest door, seeking an anchor to halt my momentum.
The handle remained steadfast, unyielding, as it abruptly halted my chaotic trajectory. Reality began to fracture, the veil of ignorance slowly lifting. Could I truly be dead? The realization dawned upon me, shattering the feeble illusion of safety and acceptance.
I wasn't okay. I wasn't safe. The weight of my unease bore down upon me, threatening to consume what little resolve remained. In the face of uncertainty, I whispered the truth that echoed within my being:
"I'm not okay."
With a surge of determination, I clutched the doorknob with both hands, pouring every ounce of strength into my attempt to pry it open. I threw my weight against the door, pulled, hit, kicked, and pleaded in a desperate frenzy.
But the door remained steadfast, unyielding to my relentless assault. Exhausted and defeated, I crumpled against the door, collapsing to my knees, and buried my face in my folded arms. The tears flowed freely once again as a sense of hopelessness enveloped me.
What was the point? There was nowhere to go, no escape from this interminable realm. I was trapped, imprisoned within my own personal purgatory. This was my punishment.
I rolled onto my side, curling into a tight ball, clutching my legs close to my chest. I surrendered to the inertia that consumed me. I ceased all efforts, resigned to my fate. Time lost all meaning as I lay there, motionless, accumulating layers of dust upon my immobile body.
Months or perhaps years passed in this stagnant state. The weight of my surrender bore down upon me, and I grew stagnant in body and spirit.
But amidst the stillness, a small voice emerged from the depths of my being, offering shards of defiance. It urged me to continue, questioning why I should give up. The relentless nagging of that voice eroded the staleness of my resolve.
And so, with great effort, I yielded to the persistent beckoning within. I began to stir, my brittle bones creaking and cracking in response to the tentative movements. Every inch of my being protested, muscles screaming in protest, as I defied the inertia that had held me captive. The desire for something different, something more, ignited within me.
My body clung stubbornly to the remnants of my self-imposed stagnation, resisting the momentum of my will. But I knew I had to move. "Just move." I whispered those two simple words to myself, a mantra to defy the stillness.
And with each painful twitch and every tear in my flesh, I pressed forward, compelled by the belief that there had to be more to this existence. The hallway, once shrouded in darkness, was now ablaze with the furious glow of burning candles, illuminating every inch of the endless walls adorned with white doors.
Shielding my eyes from the searing exposure, I recoiled from the scorching heat that radiated from the flames. The blinding light pierced through the cracks between my fingers, growing in intensity with each passing moment. But as I cautiously peered through the gaps in my fingers, a sight greeted me that filled my heart with renewed hope.
There, at the end of the hallway, lay a continuation beyond the confines I had known. A surge of determination coursed through my veins, igniting a fire within my soul. Clinging to the wall for support, I willed my feeble legs to carry me forward, pushing past the pain that resonated with each step. I moved with a shaky shuffle that evolved into a stiff, determined speed walk.
In retrospect, I can only imagine the nightmarish image I presented. But at that moment, all I wanted was to reach the end, to embrace the promise it held.
With each passing door, I caught glimpses of their numbered plaques. 37, 39, 41, 43... The numbers ascended, propelling me forward as I squeezed my eyes shut, running with unwavering determination. The intensity of the light multiplied, searing through my closed eyelids, triggering a symphony of pain that reverberated through every fiber of my being.
Perhaps I should have gauged the distance to the end, but in my blind pursuit, I collided with the wall with a resounding thud. The impact broke my nose, sending shockwaves of agony coursing through me, and I tumbled to the floor, disoriented and wounded.
As my body sprawled upon the ground, the once-illuminated candles in the hallway extinguished one by one, enveloping the space behind me in impenetrable darkness.
Yet, amidst the obscurity, one candle remained defiantly aflame—the candle beside the door labeled #158. Its flickering glow drew my gaze, anchoring me to the present. Candle. The word reverberated within the recesses of my mind, its significance echoing relentlessly. And then, like a distant echo from the past, a strained and familiar voice permeated my thoughts.
"Kill Candle," it urged, a haunting reminder of the encounters I had faced. The voice, bearing the same ragged quality that had sent chills down my spine before, emerged from the darkness, piercing the silence with its command.
A low, ominous rumble stirred in the distance, a sound foreign and unsettling to my ears. It started as a mere murmur, barely perceptible, but gradually swelled in volume, intensifying with each passing moment. The air itself seemed to thicken with unsettling energy, a growing force that permeated the surroundings. It was the sound of impending doom, a creeping darkness that threatened to swallow everything in its path. As the rumble resonated through the depths of my being, a profound unease settled within me.
It crawled beneath my skin, coiling around my bones with a chilling grip. The sensation of impending nothingness clawed at my very core, filling me with a deep-seated dread. It was a fear unlike any I had ever experienced, a realization that I stood at the precipice of an inevitable and irrevocable end.
The weight of this knowledge settled heavily in the pit of my stomach, a visceral stab of anxiety that sent tremors through my entire being. It was a fallible end, an abrupt cessation that promised a complete and utter halt to existence.
Each passing second amplified the intensity of this foreboding, like a storm gathering strength before it unleashes its fury. The world around me seemed to hold its breath as if bracing for the impending collision with an unimaginable void. In the face of this encroaching darkness, I stood transfixed, caught between fight and flight. The rumble grew louder, reverberating with an eerie resonance as if the very fabric of reality quivered under its weight.
It was a sound that defied explanation, an insidious reminder of the fragility of existence. And as the seconds ticked by, each one laden with a mounting sense of doom, I could not shake the feeling that something irrevocable was drawing near.
With trembling hands, I clutched the doorknob, desperately trying to twist it open. But it remained stubbornly locked, unmoving against my frantic efforts. The rumble grew louder, reverberating through the corridor, an unstoppable force closing in on me. Panic surged within me, urging me to shake the door with wild desperation.
But still, it resisted, unyielding to my futile attempts. "Kill. Candle." The words thundered in my mind, echoing over the impending chaos that threatened to consume me. It was a command, a directive to extinguish the flame. In a moment of clarity amidst the chaos, I realized what I had to do. I reached out, smothering the candle's flame with my bare hand.
And at last, the door swung open, as if I had unlocked an ethereal barrier. But as the door gave way, I was violently thrust forward, pulled into the void that lay beyond. The deafening roar receded, replaced by a disorienting rush of motion as I spun and flailed, completely at the mercy of the unseen forces at play. Control slipped from my grasp once more, leaving me to surrender to the unknown. Abruptly, the tumult ceased, and I found myself standing outside my own house, a surreal tableau frozen in time.
There, I witnessed an enigmatic moment, a version of myself suspended mid-swing, the axe poised to strike the creature's neck. It was a fractured moment of the reality I had left behind, a moment frozen in space and time.
Taking a hesitant step forward, I was abruptly hurled back into my own body, the fractured fragments of my existence reuniting. Time resumed its course, and I felt the weight of the axe as it carried out its intended purpose.
The blade connected with a solid, metallic impact, tearing a new rift in the fabric of reality. I was again plunged into a jarring darkness, the whirlwind of confusion was the only thing familiar anymore. My axe had struck something tangible, something solid.
The musty scent of familiarity, reminiscent of my high school days, filled the air, punctuating the otherwise suffocating silence. In an instant, my vision returned, but with a disorienting rush accompanied by dizzying vertigo.
I found myself standing in the classroom where my mother used to teach, a place I hadn't set foot in for years. Confusion clouded my thoughts as I turned my gaze to the left, and there she was, my mother, staring at me in disbelief.
A collective gasp rose from the students, their eyes fixed upon me with a mixture of fear and horror. The weight of their stares pressed upon me, making me acutely aware of the unusual circumstances I found myself in. At that moment, my attention was drawn to my own hands in an unfitting sense of embarrassment. And there, I noticed the axe embedded in the gas line, emitting an ominous hiss that sliced through the eerie silence.
My eyes darted back to my mother, and on her desk, illuminated by a solitary burning candle, my gaze fixated. The word echoed relentlessly in my mind, its significance growing with each repetition.
"Candle. The candle. The candle..."
In a reflexive surge of urgency, I released my grip on the axe, discarding any semblance of thought, and propelled myself toward the desk, driven by a desperate need to extinguish the flame.
But my efforts were in vain, for as my fingers reached out, a catastrophic chain of events unfurled before me. In an instant, the classroom erupted in a fierce conflagration, an inferno that devoured everything in its path. The sheer force of the explosion shook the very foundation of reality, hurling me against a wall, my body crumpling behind a nearby desk.
Charred and broken, my form bore the scars of the blast, yet my consciousness stubbornly clung on. I felt pain unparalleled to any other I'd experienced so far. Amid the chaos, I gathered myself and began to crawl toward my mother's mangled figure. She lay there, torn asunder, yet desperately still clinging to life.
With every ounce of strength left in me, I painstakingly dragged my injured body toward her, my movements a testament to sheer determination. My hand reached out, seeking connection, but instead encountered a severed limb.
Undeterred, I reached my mother and she extended her remaining arm, seizing my hand with a desperate grasp, our bond unbroken even in the face of such devastation. "Mom!" I sobbed, my voice choked with anguish. Tears streamed down my face as I knelt over her broken form. "Mom... I'm sorry!" I cried out, my words punctuated by deep sobs.
"I'm so sorry, Mom!"
Her eyes met mine, and in that delicate moment, she mustered all she had to utter a sweet whisper. "I love you," she managed, a feeble attempt at a smile gracing her lips.
But as her grip weakened, her hand slipped away, surrendering to the pull of gravity. I collapsed once more, pressing my head against her scorching shoulder, the flames from her burning clothes licking at my tear-soaked eyes.
At that moment, the searing pain of loss eclipsed any physical pain I might have felt. A surge of bile rose in my throat as the full weight of the tragedy unfolded upon me. The realization struck with cruel clarity—I hadn't succeeded in extinguishing the candle.
I had failed once again, repeating the cycle for the 158th time. The weight of my failure bore down on me, crushing my soul into a cloud of fine dust to be carried away with the hellfire that consumed my surroundings. I needed to escape from the desolation I had wrought.
Crawling on hands stained with her blood, I retreated to the corner of the room, seeking refuge behind a desk. My arms hung limply at my sides, my body trembling with a mixture of guilt and revulsion. I didn't want to touch anything, especially not myself. I recoiled from my own skin, my hands, the instruments of her demise. I wanted to shed my skin as it pressed its decrepit form ever closer to my heart.
"I killed my mom," I whispered, the words heavy with self-condemnation. I trembled uncontrollably, consumed by my otherworldly screams of anguish and sorrow that shattered the air. Suddenly, a voice pierced the chaos from behind me.
"Hey!" it yelled urgently. "We have to get out! There's a gas leak!" A hand reached out and grabbed mine. As I turned to face the source, a jolt of recognition coursed through me—I was staring at myself. Another version of me, yet somehow different, younger. At that moment, I realized with terror that I had become the embodiment of the nightmare.
I screamed a primal cry of disgust and horror, forcing the other me to retreat in a frightened flurry. Days have passed since then.
I write these words with dwindling autonomy, pleading for help, for someone to find me, the other me.
Find him. I beg you, whoever reads this, to search for him, and tell him what he must do. Please, tell me what I must do. The grip on my self-control weakens with each passing moment. The relentless compulsion to find the other version of myself consumes my every thought. I fear I can no longer hold myself back for another day. I need to give you more time. I need more time. He needs to break this cycle.
He must reach the candle.

1989-1990 (Jul. 31, 1991-Dec. 31, 1990):

1. Alleyway (Launch Title)
2. Baseball (Launch Title)
3. Super Mario Land (Launch Title)
4. Tennis (Launch Title)
5. Tetris (Launch Title)
6. Castlevania: The Adventure
7. Motocross Maniacs
8. Wizards & Warriors X: The Fortress of Fear
9. Boxxle
10. Golf
11. Hyper Lode Runner
12. Solar Striker
13. Kwirk
14. Malibu Beach Volleyball
15. Revenge of the 'Gator
16. The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle
17. Boomer's Adventure in ASMIK World
18. Fist of the North Star: 10 Big Brawls for the King of the Universe
19. Flipull
20. Heiankyo Alien
21. Nemesis
22. NFL Football
23. QBillion
24. World Bowling
25. Qix
26. Batman
27. Shanghai
28. Bases Loaded
29. Daedalian Opus
30. Dexterity
31. Gargoyle's Quest
32. Lock 'n' Chase
33. Paperboy
34. Penguin Wars
35. The Amazing Spider-Man
36. Double Dragon
37. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan
38. Catrap
39. Cosmo Tank
40. Heavyweight Championship Boxing
41. Pipe Dream
42. Skate or Die: Bad 'N Rad
43. The Final Fantasy Legend
44. Wheel of Fortune
45. Balloon Kid
46. Godzilla
47. Mercenary Force
48. Mr. Chin's Gourmet Paradise
49. Snoopy's Magic Show
50. Bubble Ghost
51. Disney's DuckTales
52. Ishido: The Way of Stones
53. Ninja Boy
54. Serpent
55. Side Pocket
56. Amazing Penguin
57. Chase H.Q.
58. Dead Heat Scramble
59. Dr. Mario
60. Ghostbusters II
61. Hal Wrestling
62. In Your Face
63. Play Action Football
64. Power Racer
65. Quarth
66. RoboCop
67. Torpedo Range

1991 (Jan. 1, 1991-Dec. 31, 1991):

1. Battle Bull
2. Burai Fighter Deluxe
3. Dragon's Lair: The Legend
4. Gremlins 2: The New Batch
5. Power Mission
6. Rolan's Curse
7. The Chessmaster (GB Version)
8. F-1 Race
9. Kung Fu Master
10. NBA All-Star Challenge
11. Operation C
12. Radar Mission
13. The Game of Harmony
14. Bubble Bobble
15. BurgerTime Deluxe
16. Cyraid
17. Jeopardy!
18. Loopz
19. Maru's Mission
20. Nobunaga's Ambition
21. Super Scrabble
22. Extra Bases
23. Fish Dude
24. Pac-Man
25. Solomon's Club
26. Tasmania Story
27. WWF Superstars
28. Castelian
29. Go! Go! Tank
30. Hatris
31. Marble Madness
32. Mickey's Dangerous Chase
33. R-Type
34. The Hunt for Red October
35. The Rescue of Princess Blobette
36. Bo Jackson: Two Games in One
37. Caesars Palace
38. Nintendo World Cup
39. Skate or Die: Tour de Thrash
40. Sneaky Snakes
41. Spud's Adventure
42. Tail 'Gator
43. The Sword of Hope
44. Battle Unit Zeoth
45. Klax
46. Mysterium
47. The Punisher: The Ultimate Payback!
48. Castlevania II: Belmont's Revenge
49. Bill & Ted's Excellent Game Boy Adventure: A Bogus Journey!
50. Blades of Steel
51. Aerostar
52. Altered Space: A 3-D Alien Adventure
53. Choplifter II
54. Crystal Quest
55. Fortified Zone
56. Gauntlet II
57. InfoGenius Productivity Pak: Berlitz French Translator
58. InfoGenius Productivity Pak: Berlitz Spanish Translator
59. InfoGenius Productivity Pak: Frommer's Travel Guide
60. InfoGenius Productivity Pak: Personal Organizer and Phone Book
61. InfoGenius Productivity Pak: Spell Checker and Calculator
62. Navy SEALs
63. Spot: The Video Game
64. Tecmo Bowl
65. The Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle 2
66. Trax
67. Atomic Punk
68. Super R.C. Pro-Am
69. Bart Simpson's Escape from Camp Deadly
70. Battletoads
71. Brain Bender
72. Final Fantasy Adventure
73. Final Fantasy Legend II
74. Home Alone
75. Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters
76. Metroid II: Return of Samus
77. RoboCop 2
78. Turrican
79. Who Framed Roger Rabbit
80. Bill Elliott's NASCAR Fast Tracks
81. Dick Tracy
82. Double Dragon II
83. Double Dribble: 5 on 5
84. Elevator Action
85. Faceball 2000
86. Hudson Hawk
87. Mega Man: Dr. Wily's Revenge
88. Monopoly
89. Ninja Gaiden Shadow
90. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back from the Sewers
91. Super Kick Off
92. Track Meet
93. Aerostar

1992 (Jan. 1, 1992-Dec. 31, 1992):

1. Attack of the Killer Tomatoes
2. Beetlejuice
3. Gradius: The Interstellar Assault
4. Prince of Persia
5. Snow Brothers Jr.
6. Terminator 2: Judgment Day
7. The Addams Family
8. Adventure Island
9. Amazing Tater
10. Asteroids
11. Blaster Master Boy
12. Boggle Plus
13. Days of Thunder
14. Fastest Lap
15. Jordan vs. Bird: One on One
16. Mega Man II
17. Q*bert
18. Star Trek: 25th Anniversary
19. Tiny Toon Adventures: Babs' Big Break
20. Missile Command
21. Soccer Mania
22. The Adventures of Star Saver
23. The Flash
24. Ultra Golf
25. World Circuit Series
26. Fighting Simulator: 2-in-1 Flying Warriors
27. Hook
28. Nail 'n Scale
29. Paperboy 2
30. Square Deal: The Game of Two Dimensional Poker
31. Super Hunchback
32. Batman: Return of the Joker
33. Jack Nicklaus Golf
34. NBA All-Star Challenge 2
35. Turn and Burn: The F-14 Dogfight Simulator
36. Boxxle II
37. High Stakes Gambling
38. Pit-Fighter
39. The Blues Brothers
40. Jeep Jamboree: Off Road Adventure
41. Knight Quest
42. Prophecy: The Viking Child
43. Spanky's QuestNatsume
44. Ultima: Runes of Virtue
45. Wave Race
46. Yoshi
47. Double Dragon 3: The Arcade Game
48. Kirby's Dream Land
49. The Amazing Spider-Man 2
50. WWF Superstars 2
51. 4-in-1 Funpak
52. Dig Dug
53. Ferrari Grand Prix Challenge
54. George Foreman's KO Boxing
55. Ninja Taro
56. Roger Clemens' MVP Baseball
57. Spy vs. Spy
58. The Simpsons: Bart vs. the Juggernauts
59. Toxic Crusaders
60. Track & Field
61. WordZap
62. Barbie: Game Girl
63. Bionic Commando
64. Hit the Ice
65. Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
66. Lazlos' Leap
67. Looney Tunes (GB Version)
68. Miner 2049er
69. Mouse Trap Hotel
70. Out of Gas
71. Rolan's Curse 2
72. Speedball 2
73. Swamp Thing
74. The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends
75. The Jetsons: Robot Panic
76. Tom and Jerry
77. Xenon 2
78. Bionic Battler
79. Kingdom Crusade
80. Mr. Do!
81. Star Wars
82. Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
83. Super Off Road
84. Terminator 2: The Arcade Game
85. The Incredible Crash Dummies
86. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Space Cadet Adventures
87. Wordtris
88. Avenging Spirit
89. Battleship
90. Best of the Best: Championship Karate
91. Bonk's Adventure
92. Centipede
93. Darkman
94. Dr. Franken
95. Mega Man III
96. Megalit
97. Disney's TaleSpin
98. The Humans
99. Universal Soldier
100. Exodus: Journey to the Promised Land
101. Joshua & the Battle of Jericho
102. Spiritual Warfare

1993 (Jan. 1, 1993-Dec. 31, 1993):

1. Alien³
2. Krusty's Fun House
3. Race Drivin'
4. Spot: The Cool Adventure
5. Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
6. Top Gun: Guts and Glory
7. Adventure Island II: Aliens in Paradise
8. Disney's Darkwing Duck
9. The Flintstones: King Rock Treasure Island
10. Disney's The Little Mermaid
11. Kid Dracula
12. Milon's Secret Castle
13. Sumo Fighter
14. Tumblepop
15. Great Greed
16. Lethal Weapon
17. Ninja Boy 2
18. Pyramids of RaMatchbox
19. The New Chessmaster
20. Top Rank Tennis
21. Battletoads in Ragnarok's World
22. Cool World
23. F-15 Strike Eagle
24. Joe & Mac
25. Raging Fighter
26. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
27. Star Trek: The Next Generation
28. Titus the Fox
29. Bubble Bobble Part 2
30. Felix the Cat
31. Muhammad Ali: Heavyweight Boxing
32. Speedy Gonzales
33. Spider-Man 3: Invasion of the Spider-Slayers
34. The Addams Family: Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt
35. Goal!
36. Jurassic Park
37. Nigel Mansell's World Championship Racing
38. Pinball Dreams
39. Tesserae
40. The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
41. Mortal Kombat
42. Final Fantasy Legend III
43. Bram Stoker's Dracula
44. WWF King of the Ring
45. Buster Bros.
46. Gear Works
47. Last Action Hero
48. Ms. Pac-Man
49. Popeye 2
50. Sports Illustrated: Championship Football & Baseball
51. The Real Ghostbusters
52. The Ren & Stimpy Show: Veediots!
53. Tom and Jerry: Frantic Antics!
54. We're Back!
55. Alien vs. Predator: The Last of His Clan
56. Batman: The Animated Series
57. Championship Pool
58. Disney's DuckTales 2
59. Kirby's Pinball Land
60. NFL Quarterback Club
61. Panel Action Bingo
62. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Radical Rescue
63. Tiny Toon Adventures 2: Montana's Movie Madness
64. Wayne's World
65. Battletoads & Double Dragon: The Ultimate Team
66. Chuck Rock
67. Cliffhanger
68. F1 Pole Position
69. Mega Man IV
70. Metal Masters
71. Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade's Revenge
72. Tetris 2
73. Rampart
74. Yoshi's Cookie
75. Zen: Intergalactic Ninja
76. Zool: Ninja of the Nth Dimension

1994 (Jan. 1, 1994-Dec. 31, 1994):

1. Black Bass: Lure Fishing
2. Riddick Bowe Boxing
3. Super Chase H.Q.
4. Winter Olympic Games: Lillehammer '94
5. Alfred Chicken
6. Captain America and the Avengers
7. Dennis the Menace
8. The Simpsons: Bart & the Beanstalk
9. Total Carnage
10. WCW World Championship Wrestling: The Main Event
11. Wario Land: Super Mario Land 3
12. Ultima: Runes of Virtue II
13. Sports Illustrated for Kids: The Ultimate Triple Dare
14. Super Battletank
15. Jeopardy! Sports Edition
16. Lamborghini American Challenge
17. Mickey's Ultimate Challenge
18. Donkey Kong
19. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
20. Stop That Roach!
21. Cool Ball
22. Elite Soccer
23. Disney's The Jungle Book
24. Lemmings
25. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
26. RoboCop Versus The Terminator
27. Mega Man V
28. Mortal Kombat II
29. Taz-Mania
30. WildSnake
31. Contra: The Alien Wars
32. Cool Spot
33. Space Invaders
34. Sports Illustrated: Golf Classic
35. Tarzan: Lord of the Jungle
36. Yogi Bear's Gold Rush
37. Bonk's Revenge
38. Madden '95
39. Monster Truck Wars
40. NBA Jam
41. Race Days
42. Samurai Shodown
43. seaQuest DSV
44. Solitaire FunPak
45. Star Trek Generations: Beyond the Nexus
46. The Pagemaster
47. The Simpsons: Itchy & Scratchy in Miniature Golf Madness
48. Wario Blast: Featuring Bomberman!
49. The Blues Brothers: Jukebox Adventure
50. Jurassic Park Part 2: The Chaos Continues
51. Pac-Attack
52. Stargate
53. The Flintstones: The Movie
54. Tiny Toon Adventures: Wacky Sports
55. WWF Raw
56. King James Bible
57. The Smurfs (GB Version)

1995-1996 (Jan. 1, 1995-Dec. 31, 1996):

1. BreakThru!
2. Casino FunPak
3. Daffy Duck
4. Micro Machines
5. Desert Strike
6. FIFA International Soccer
7. Pac-In-Time
8. Pinball Fantasies
9. True Lies
10. Mario's Picross
11. NFL Quarterback Club II
12. PGA European Tour
13. Disney's The Lion King
14. Kirby's Dream Land 2
15. Donkey Kong Land
16. Judge Dredd
17. Jungle Strike
18. NBA Jam: Tournament Edition
19. NHL Hockey '95
20. Animaniacs
21. Arcade Classic: Asteroids / Missile Command
22. Primal Rage
23. Arcade Classic 2: Centipede / Milipede
24. Batman Forever
25. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
26. World Heroes 2 Jet
27. Arcade Classic 3: Galaga / Galaxian
28. Earthworm Jim
29. Foreman For Real
30. Street Fighter II
31. Disney's Aladdin
32. Arcade Classic 4: Defender / Joust
33. Madden '96
34. NFL Quarterback Club 96
35. Shaq-Fu
36. Zoop
37. Killer Instinct
38. Mortal Kombat 3
39. PGA Tour '96
40. Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
41. FIFA Soccer '96
42. Frank Thomas Big Hurt Baseball
43. The Getaway: High Speed II
44. Vegas Stakes
45. Cutthroat Island
46. Prehistorik Man
47. Tetris Blast
48. College Slam
49. NBA Live 96
50. Disney's Pocahontas
51. DragonHeart
52. Kirby's Block Ball
53. Disney's Toy Story
54. Olympic Summer Games: Atlanta 1996
55. NHL '96
56. Iron Man and X-O Manowar in Heavy Metal
57. Tetris Attack
58. Donkey Kong Land 2
59. Sword of Hope II
60. Arcade Classics: Super Breakout / Battlezone
61. Disney's Pinocchio
62. Road Rash
63. Battle Arena Toshinden
64. Casper
65. FIFA Soccer '97
66. Madden '97
67. Urban Strike
68. Jeopardy! Platinum Edition
69. Jeopardy! Teen Tournament
70. Street Racer
71. NIV Bible & the 20 Lost Levels of Joshua

1997-1999 (Jan. 1, 1997-Dec. 31, 1999):

1. Taz-Mania 2
2. Mole Mania
3. The King of Fighters '95
4. Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame
5. Kirby's Star Stacker
6. Game & Watch Gallery
7. Disney's Hercules
8. Tetris Plus
9. Donkey Kong Land III
10. Dr. Franken II
11. Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball
12. Tamagotchi
13. The Fidgetts
14. Turok: Battle of the Bionosaurs
15. FIFA: Road to World Cup '98
16. Superman: The Animated Seris
17. The Lost World: Jurassic Park
18. .James Bond 007
19. Bust-A-Move 2: Arcade Edition
20. Wario Land II
21. Castlevania Legends
22. Brain Drain
23. Bomberman GB
24. Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon
25. Ring Rage
26. All-Star Baseball 99
27. Jimmy Connors Tennis
28. Mickey Mouse: Magic Wands!
29. Game Boy Camera (If counts)
30. World Cup 98
31. WWF War Zone
32. Bubsy II
33. Frogger
34. Harvest Moon GB
35. Legend of the River King
36. Maui Mallard in Cold Shadow
37. Pokémon Blue Version
38. Pokémon Red Version
39. International Superstar Soccer
40. Disney's Mulan
41. Small Soldiers
42. Super Black Bass
43. Oddworld Adventures
44. The Rugrats Movie (GB Version)
45. Beavis and Butt-Head
46. Pokémon Yellow: Special Pikachu Edition

Plus, there are 516 Original Game Boy video games in North America.

My take: AI, AI, AI, AI...
The only part that excited the audience was when they announced more control to Performance Max, that's kind of a perfect summary: https://www.youtube.com/live/feezAE_YAmc?si=q2n6ENzIRAA4RSYH&t=3775to
I personaly liked the Data part, and I'm excited to see the final products: https://www.youtube.com/live/feezAE_YAmc?si=P6WVCgfzLRgFGfEE&t=4900personally

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

• They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
• They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
• They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
• They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those of us in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

1. It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

1. ‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

• Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
• There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
• Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

• Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
• More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

• https://www.b4uact.org/
• https://asapinternational.org/index.php/introduction/about_asapinternational
• https://www.stopitnow.org/
• https://safersociety.org/store/live-online-training-providing-treatment-to-minor-attracted-people/
• https://theglobalpreventionproject.org/maps

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

• https://virped.org/
• https://www.mapresources.info/
• https://mapsupport.club/

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

• They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
• They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
• They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
• They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those of us in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

1. It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

1. ‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

• Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
• There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
• Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

• Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
• More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

• https://www.b4uact.org/
• https://asapinternational.org/index.php/introduction/about_asapinternational
• https://www.stopitnow.org/
• https://safersociety.org/store/live-online-training-providing-treatment-to-minor-attracted-people/
• https://theglobalpreventionproject.org/maps

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

• https://virped.org/
• https://www.mapresources.info/
• https://mapsupport.club/

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

There are a few mistakes in this article (ie. 10 scholarships to give) but it IS the first interview I have seen since his announcement as the new head coach.
https://malibutimes.com/waves-hoops-coach-schilling-has-a-zeal-for-basketball

For seven years, Ed Schilling worked as a trainer, helping pros get ready for the NBA Draft and NBA season

New Pepperdine Waves men’s basketball head coach Ed Schilling is passionate about his sport.
“I have a great desire to see players get better and teams improve,” said Schilling, a coaching veteran who has coached everywhere from the high school gymnasiums to NBA arenas. “That really gets me on fire. A lot of times, if players can see themselves getting better on the court, they’ll allow you to try and help them get better as men. That is ultimately what it is all about.”
Schilling, 58, an Indiana native, got his basketball fervor from his dad, Ed Schilling Sr., who coached hoops in the high school and college levels. Schilling said his father, also a college professor, who passed away in 2020, had an intensity to educate on the court and in the classroom.
“He loved to teach,” Pepperdine’s coach said. “He was a teacher at heart. Every single day he went to teach, he was excited. We both love to teach. I’m a teacher at heart.”
Schilling expects his love for the game to be evident has he leads Pepperdine’s men’s hoops program. The coach laced up his sneakers and hit the court running soon after he was hired for the coaching gig in early April.
Schilling solidified his coaching staff in the middle of last month and is working to complete the Waves’ roster before practices in June.
Schilling’s coaching staff includes Scott Rigot, Tyus Edney, Peyton Prudhomme, Mike Doig, and Jeremy Grubbs. The quintet are all seasoned coaches with experience teaching the game in college and high school.
For a considerable time, Schilling said, he dreamed about the type of coaching staff he desired.
“I wanted guys that are good coaches, who can get out on the court and really help players get better,” he said. “I also wanted guys that mesh well together. It’s not about building an all-star team, it’s about building a team that works well together. I wanted a group that played off each other’s strengths and covered up for each other’s weaknesses. That is what I was looking for. I feel like I did that.”
Pepperdine ended last season with a 13-20 record. The team’s coach for six seasons, Lorenzo Romar, was let go after the Waves’ final contest. Several players also transferred out of the program since then.
Four players from last season’s squad — guard David Mager, forwards John Squire and Boubacar Coulibaly, and center and forwards Aladji Gassama and Martin Gumwel — are still on the roster. Guard Aaron Clark and forwards Stefan Todorvic and Alonso Faure have also transferred to Pepperdine. The team has signed one recruit, and still has 10 scholarships available, so Schilling and his coaches have been busy hosting potential players and their families on campus and showing them around Malibu.
Schilling envisions the Waves taking the court next season with a talented roster and a playing style spearheaded by the best players’ strengths. He said competing in the West Coast Conference is a challenge he welcomes.
“Ideally, we want to play positionless basketball on offense, and we want to be challenging and tough to score against,” he said. “In this league, you have to be able to defend or you are not going to win. You have to be able to score too, because there are some high-powered offenses in this league.”
Schilling played for his dad in high school and played at Miami University (Ohio) in college, where was backcourt mates with future NBA champion Ron Harper.
“I broke all the assist records because I figured out it was really good if I passed the ball to [Harper] to take the shot,” Schilling said.
Schilling suffered two ACL injuries during his college years, and started his coaching career right after college. He coached high school basketball and spent time as an English and physical education teacher.
“The one thing I had when I started coaching was incredible passion for the game,” Schilling remembered. “I was 22 years old and trying to figure things out. My practices were about four and a half hours. I’m glad I didn’t play for myself back then.”
Schilling soon moved up the coaching ranks. He coached at the University of Massachusetts under legendary coach John Calipari. When Calipari accepted a job to coach the NBA’s New Jersey Nets, Schilling joined his coaching staff.
Schilling was then the head coach at Wright State and later an assistant on the University of Memphis coaching staff.
Then, for seven years, Schilling worked as a trainer — helping pros get ready for the NBA Draft and NBA season.
Schilling returned to the coach ranks as an assistant at UCLA for four years. Then, he was an assistant coach at Indiana University for two years and had the same role at Grand Canyon University for four years before he became the Waves coach.
Pepperdine President Jim Gash said in a press release that Schilling has demonstrated the highest levels of leadership and player development and preparedness during his years coaching.
“His extensive coaching experience throughout his career has exemplified the visionary leadership, strategic thinking, adaptability, and emotional intelligence required to navigate the world of college athletics,” Gash stated.
Schilling said the best thing about coaching is the opportunity to impact lives. He is excited to step on the sidelines and lead the Waves.
“I feel fortunate to be here,” he said. “There are not many places in the world like Pepperdine.”

Over the years, I’ve done a lot of different work in the games industry. I want to start this off by saying that I do NOT consider myself a marketing expert; maybe intermediate. I’m making this post to address the most common misconceptions my clients have had regarding marketing. Quite frankly, this is the biggest point of failure for indie games. Take it all with a grain of salt, share your own experiences, and please: correct me wherever you feel I may be wrong.
Marketing should start at the same time as development. You have a great idea for a game — awesome. Do you know who else is going to want to play it? Do you know how you can reach large numbers of those people? How can you make branding and messaging appealing to those people specifically? This should be day one stuff. It almost always isn’t.
Going viral on social media is an outdated concept. Social media wants you to pay for ads. That includes X, Reddit, and everything in between. Many will throttle you for unpaid self-promotion.
Don’t spend money on short-term engagements with content creators. Even if you catch them on a day when they are energized and having a blast playing, their first priority is their audience, not your sales numbers. A one-time payment will not change that.
Don’t hire unverified marketing help. Unfortunately, the indie games space is full of scams. Lots of people offering marketing help have no experience. Ask to see multiple case studies and successful campaigns.
We’ve gone over a lot of stuff that doesn’t work. Let’s cover a few things that do!
Know your ultimate goal. You should strive to create enough of a presence on multiple platforms to start getting noticed organically. Throwing a few hundred bucks at some ads isn’t going to do it. A somewhat successful post on Reddit isn’t going to do it. Align multiple marketing actions in such a way that they help amplify each other — make a new trailer, use it in your media outreach, promote it in various ways, use it to announce a demo and a contest — now we’re talking!
Optimize your Steam page. Make sure all of your art is high-quality, distinct, and gives a player an idea of what they can expect from your game (capsule art especially.) Figure out what the best tags for your game are. https://games-stats.com/steam/tags/ is a decent place to get some insights. Do this ASAP.
Create a community hub. I like to use Discord for this. All of your socials, Steam page, your game demo if you have one, and just as importantly, the game itself — everything should funnel players into one place. This will become an invaluable resource. The first committed members of your community will help provide insights into how to reach your demographic, help you find bugs and quality of life issues, and keep your team motivated. Don’t wait to do it — a year or more ahead of launch is ideal!
Reach out through content creator platforms. The ones I have personally had good results with are drope and lurkit. Your mileage may vary. If you’re lucky, you’ll find a few content creators that love your game and want to keep engaging with it.
Reach out to content creators for free promotion. This is really a numbers game — you might send out 100 emails and get 2 or 3 people who cover it. Focus on creators that absolutely love your genre, and love showcasing promising new content. Send them a free key along with a personalized message. The odds of success are honestly pretty low… Nevertheless, if a sizable YouTuber covers you and is genuinely intrigued by your game, this will be well worth your time.
Run contests, giveaways, or tournaments. Let’s face it — you have a lot of competition. If you want people to line up to try your game, a little extra incentive might help! Make sure that your prize(s) are hefty enough to overcome any barrier-to-entry. A caption contest would have a low barrier-to-entry, while a leaderboard competition would have a fairly high barrier-to-entry. Keep in mind that the likelihood of winning a prize is a barrier-to-entry factor as well. “Winner receives $100” < “10 random contestants receive $10.”
I hope someone finds this helpful. This is not a fully comprehensive guide, just an opportunity to compare notes. If you have questions about any of the things mentioned in this guide, feel free to DM me! If you have something to add or correct, please let me know in the comments.

Hey :) Ultimately I want to find my best friend and lifelong partner. Open to chatting to guys in the UK and anywhere around the world. A bit of info about me:

• A picture of me
• 28 year old black female of African descent based in the UK
• 5ft 6 and of an average weight
• not religious
• Non-smoker, non-drinker and drug free.
• Works in the tech as a data scientist
• I'm not looking to have kids
• Love travel, books, deep chats and trying new activities

My dream guy is:

• Kind and friendly and is not afraid of r
• non-religious,
• left leaning politically
• doesn't see himself having kids/it's not important to him
• non-smoke drug free
• Has some interest in health and fitness/ living a balanced healthy lifestyle.
• Like adventure and travel

Those things are core compatibility factors that are important to me. Other than that , I'd love to learn more about your interests and hobbies even if they aren't ones we share currently :)
Please send a message with your age, location a picture if possible in your message :)

New York. Been hit by a car a year ago. Lost my job. Alone. Losing my place to live in a few months and whatever energy I got is used to make sure this kid gets a home. BUT I cant cause Glen Cove, Huntington, The Five Fucking Boroughs and every other fucking place won't accept him because he's not in their town?! Even if I can get to them?! I gotta deal with red lining for a surrender?! It's killing me enough that I have to lose my cat. Why does death have to be so fucking slow Calling shelters for weeks and this pain is something else

Going through Inside No. 9 one episode stands heads and shoulders above the rest for me: "The Riddle of the Sphinx", S3E3. But if there was one that came pretty close, it would have to be "Mr. King", S7E2.
Set in Class 9 of a Welsh School, "Mr. King" is the perfect embodiment of a traditional Inside No. 9 affair: Gut-busting black comedy, married with intense horror and psychological thrills, and topped off with a shocking twist ending. Shearsmith's Mr. Curtis is an endearing lead, and his performance adds to the comedy on display, whilst Pembleton's Headmaster is enigmatic yet subtly sinister. However, the Child Actors steal the show here, doing a great job and selling the jokes and horrific twist ending. Speaking of which, the humour is on point here: Consisting of delightful low brow jokes and dark "mistaken for MAP" jokes, "Mr. King" is honestly one of the funniest stories in the show. I will never look at a misshapen carrot ever again without Shearsmith yelling "BIG FLOPPY PENIS?!" in my head.
But the highlight here, is the plot. It begins as a teacher having to live in the shadow of his predecessor whilst teaching a class about subjects like Climate Change, and morphs into a darkly comic thriller about said teacher having to uncover the mystery of just who... or WHAT Mr. King is. There's tons of misdirection for the audience who expect it to be the story of a MAP haunting a school by the end, yet there's subtle foreshadowing for the REAL twist you'll miss on first viewing.
And speaking of that twist, HOLY SHIT! The reveal that the entire school, not just the children but EVERYONE there, is a giant pagan cult and that the story was actually a homage to The Wicker Man (one of the greatest horror movies ever and a film that Shearsmith and Pembleton have taken influence from prior for their sitcom The League of Gentlemen) is utterly terrifying and genius! The context of the story prior is changed beautifully, and it gets even better on repeat viewings once you catch all the foreshadowing you missed. One thing's for sure, I will never look at Dick Pics the same way again....

Ultimately I want to find my best friend and lifelong partner. Open to chatting to guys in the UK and anywhere around the world. A bit of info about me:

• A picture of me
• 28 year old black female of African descent based in the UK
• 5ft 6 and of an average weight
• not religious
• Non-smoker, non-drinker and drug free.
• Works in the tech as a data scientist
• I'm not looking to have kids
• Love travel, books, deep chats and trying new activities

My dream guy is:

• Kind and friendly and is not afraid of r
• non-religious,
• left leaning politically
• doesn't see himself having kids/it's not important to him
• non-smoke drug free
• Has some interest in health and fitness/ living a balanced healthy lifestyle.
• Like adventure and travel

Those things are core compatibility factors that are important to me. Other than that , I'd love to learn more about your interests and hobbies even if they aren't ones we share currently :)
Please send a message with your age, location a picture if possible in your message :)

Tom took another look at the dwindling encampment as his dismay began to fade away. "Whoever's left to hang out with are the most committed to the cause" he thought to himself. "If anything, I'll have more fun than I did before." And after all, they had a good lineup of activists scheduled to visit in the next few days, and an anarchist band had even agreed to play this afternoon. He had definitely noticed a rapid drop in the number of campers since the end of the semester, and had even begun to doubt that they would be able to get any sort of concessions out of the university. But his thinking had changed after hearing the speeches that morning.
First to speak was Tom's friend and comrade, Eric. His impassioned indictment of the Israeli government reminded Tom of the importance of their activism. Then came the married grad students, the Trotskyist Abdou and the pan-Arabist Farida. They were international students studying English and anthropology, respectively. Or was it anthropology and sociology? Abdou lectured on the university's connection to the military-industrial complex. His speech was filled with threats to the administration that Tom was sure the limp-dicked Trot had no means of fulfilling. Even so, he had to admit that despite all his other inadequacies, Abdou was a powerful speaker. Finally came Farida. Tom had always considered her the best speaker of them all, but frankly he had a hard time taking his eyes off her whether she was speaking or not. He had tried flirting with her before, and he got the feeling that Abdou was even more into it than she was. Thinking about it now, he couldn't quite remember what her speech had been about, but it had certainly improved his spirits.
As the "Bacon Brigade" began setting up their instruments, Tom decided to make a point of dancing with Farida that afternoon. As the average tent now held two campers rather than five, he even thought he might get a chance to enjoy some of the newfound privacy.
...
When there was a break in the music, Tom sauntered over to the table where Abdou was sitting. As an ML, Tom could hardly stand Trotskyists, but he put on a smile for the sake of "left unity."
"She's a good dancer isn't she?" said Abdou.
"Oh yes, the best," agreed Tom. He was trying to think of a way of progressing his slow seduction of this Muslim woman and decided to be bold. "Look Abdou, the band will be winding down soon, why don't you both come back to my tent and I'll show you some comradely hospitality. I also have some suggestions that I know you'll love."
Abdou's mind was racing with the possibilities of the situation. Would this be the chance to see his wife seduced and taken by this big stud? Supposing Farida won't agree? Before he could engage his brain Abdou found himself agreeing to Tom's offer. "Wonderful, wonderful," beamed Tom and he could feel his big cock twitch at the thought of bedding Abdou's beautiful wife.
Just then Farida reappeared. "What are you two talking about?" she said.
Before Abdou could say a word, Tom said "Well my dear, your husband has kindly accepted my invitation of hospitality at my tent."
Farida didn't know what to say. She had thought Abdou would whisk her off back to the hotel and give her the fucking she desperately needed. Rubbing up against Tom's manhood had taken its toll. "Well I suppose we could come and see where you camp," she said, "but we mustn't stay too late must we Abdou?"
"What? I err no, I suppose not," stammered Abdou as Tom rose and offered Farida his arm.
And the three of them found themselves heading off to tent where the lives of Abdou and Farida would be changed forever. As they walked along Abdou held one of Farida's arms and Tom the other. However, after a while Abdou consciously let go of his wife's arm and stepped behind Tom.
This was not lost on the big white and he put his big protective arm around Abdou's wife as if to say to everyone "she's mine." If Farida hadn't been so dazed by the afternoon's events, she might have noticed various other white students smiling at Tom with knowing grins. They had recognized the situation immediately; a Muslim couple with cuckold husband following on as a big powerful white man led the wife to his cot.
Soon they reached Tom's tent and both Abdou and Farida were pleasantly surprised at how spacious it was. "Let me get you some coffee," said Tom as both Abdou and Farida collapsed onto a big sleeping bag.
Having sorted the drinks, Tom put some music on, and crawling over to Farida he said, "Can we have another dance Farida, you're such a good dancer?"
Before Farida could answer she felt her husband pushing her up. "Go on Farida, you know how much you enjoy it."
Abdou secretly wanted to see his wife in the arms of this Adonis again and who knows maybe more. Having no real reason to object, Farida agreed and as she accepted Toms hand she couldn't help but feel a shiver at the thought of being reacquainted with his penis, albeit covered by his trousers. However, as they left the tent she had a suspicion that he wasn't wearing any under garments since his penis had seemed so clearly outlined earlier.
As he clasped her to himself Tom could feel his big cock twitch once again. He moved one hand down to the small of her back, just to test the waters and meeting no resistance after another minute or so he moved his hand onto her sexy bottom. He could feel through the thin dress that Farida wasn't wearing thick pants, or perhaps only very skimpy ones and he couldn't wait to see her naked.
Farida felt lost in a different world as she circled round with this big man. Not only could she feel his penis growing hard against her once more, but she felt his big hand on her bottom pulling her onto his hardness. When she looked at her husband (still sitting in the tent), she noticed that he was just rubbing his own penis through his trousers. "My goodness," she thought, "he's getting turned on watching us. Supposing I flirt a bit more and show him what he's missing?"
With that Farida deliberately started to open her legs and let Tom's muscular leg rub against her inflamed sex.
This change in Farida's demeanor was not lost on Tom. As he led her back to the tent, he let his hands roam all over the back of this sexy hijabi Muslim wife and he leaned down to kiss and nibble her neck and ears. He heard Farida sigh and knew that he was close to capturing this sexy wife. "Fatima, let's give Abdou a show to remember shall we?"
Farida was brought back from her dreamlike state by Tom's question. "What do you mean?" she asked.
Almost in a whisper Tom said, "You know, a bit of thesis-antithesis-synthesis."
He had already found the zipper that ran down the back of Farida's dress and he had it in his hands as he spoke to her. He slowly started to pull the zipper down and it was half way down her back before Farida realised what was happening. "Wait Tom, we can't do this, I'm married."
"So what of it, Abdou wants me to undress you, don't you Abdou?"
Abdou had no hesitation in replying in the affirmative. This is what he had wanted for so long.
Caught in the confusion and surprise of hearing her husband say that he wanted to see another man, undress her, Farida just lay there while Tom pulled the zipper right down and then eased the dress off her shoulders. Suddenly she realised that she was lying in only her stockings, garter belt, and thong panties.
As she looked up at Tom she saw something that she hadn't seen in a man for years and that was undisguised lust. This man was lusting after her, this married women! She should have felt ashamed at her feelings but she didn't. Having got half-naked, she realised that she was enjoying the attention of this muscular white man. In fact she decided to crawl around in front of him as if to say 'look at what my husband has and you haven't'.
This might have been a foolish act, but it merely served to confirm what both men knew. For Tom it confirmed that Farida was absolutely gorgeous, the sexiest Muslim woman he had ever seen and that she needed to be loved sexually. For Abdou as he fingered his painfully erect cock, he knew that he was just a few steps away from pushing his wife into a sleeping bag with another man. He was close to realizing his fantasy.
Tom pulled Farida to him, lifted her face to his and he kissed her. Farida would always remember that first kiss since it was both passionate but more significantly the precursor to her crossing a line that could not be re- crossed, and to setting in motion events that would last her and her husband a lifetime. She accepted his big tongue into her mouth and her tongue fenced with his. She could feel his big hands roaming all over body now.
In her trance-like state it seemed quite natural that Tom should start to remove his clothing. Both Farida and Abdou watched as the big man removed his shirt to reveal a hugely-muscled chest and then he dropped his trousers and just as Farida had suspected he wore no underwear. His big cock reared up in all is magnificence and Tom was gratified to hear both husband and wife express surprise at his size.
Tom crawled over to the sleeping bag where Farida was sitting and crouched in front of her, his big cock semi erect. He remembered that Eric had told him that the cops were closing in, and he knew he would have to move quickly if he wanted to finish before they cleared the encampment. Farida's head was at the same level as the big man's groin and she was amazed at the whole size and muscularity of this man. Her trance-like state was broken by Tom who said softly "Take my cock into your mouth."
Farida was aghast, "I can't! It's dirty and I've never done that before."
Tom laughed to himself. This wife was indeed naive and yet he was gratified that he would be the first man to have his cock sucked by her. Lifting her face so that she could look into his eyes, Tom said, "As we hear from German ideologists, Germany has in the last few years gone through an unparalleled revolution. The decomposition of the Hegelian philosophy, which began with Strauss, has developed into a universal ferment into which all the “powers of the past” are swept. In the general chaos mighty empires have arisen only to meet with immediate doom, heroes have emerged momentarily only to be hurled back into obscurity by bolder and stronger rivals. It was a revolution beside which the French Revolution was child’s play, a world struggle beside which the struggles of the Diadochi [successors of Alexander the Great] appear insignificant. Principles ousted one another, heroes of the mind overthrew each other with unheard-of rapidity, and in the three years 1842-45 more of the past was swept away in Germany than at other times in three centuries.
"All this is supposed to have taken place in the realm of pure thought.
"Certainly it is an interesting event we are dealing with: the putrescence of the absolute spirit. When the last spark of its life had failed, the various components of this caput mortuum began to decompose, entered into new combinations and formed new substances. The industrialists of philosophy, who till then had lived on the exploitation of the absolute spirit, now seized upon the new combinations. Each with all possible zeal set about retailing his apportioned share. This naturally gave rise to competition, which, to start with, was carried on in moderately staid bourgeois fashion. Later when the German market was glutted, and the commodity in spite of all efforts found no response in the world market, the business was spoiled in the usual German manner by fabricated and fictitious production, deterioration in quality, adulteration of the raw materials, falsification of labels, fictitious purchases, bill-jobbing and a credit system devoid of any real basis. The competition turned into a bitter struggle, which is now being extolled and interpreted to us as a revolution of world significance, the begetter of the most prodigious results and achievements.
"If we wish to rate at its true value this philosophic charlatanry, which awakens even in the breast of the honest German citizen a glow of national pride, if we wish to bring out clearly the pettiness, the parochial narrowness of this whole Young-Hegelian movement and in particular the tragicomic contrast between the illusions of these heroes about their achievements and the actual achievements themselves, we must look at the whole spectacle from a standpoint beyond the frontiers of Germany.
"Ideology in General, German Ideology in Particular: German criticism has, right up to its latest efforts, never quitted the realm of philosophy. Far from examining its general philosophic premises, the whole body of its inquiries has actually sprung from the soil of a definite philosophical system, that of Hegel. Not only in their answers but in their very questions there was a mystification. This dependence on Hegel is the reason why not one of these modern critics has even attempted a comprehensive criticism of the Hegelian system, however much each professes to have advanced beyond Hegel. Their polemics against Hegel and against one another are confined to this – each extracts one side of the Hegelian system and turns this against the whole system as well as against the sides extracted by the others. To begin with they extracted pure unfalsified Hegelian categories such as “substance” and “self-consciousness,” later they desecrated these categories with more secular names such as species “the Unique,” “Man,” etc.
"The entire body of German philosophical criticism from Strauss to Stirner is confined to criticism of religious conceptions. [The following passage is crossed out in the manuscript:] claiming to be the absolute redeemer of the world from all evil. Religion was continually regarded and treated as the arch-enemy, as the ultimate cause of all relations repugnant to these philosophers. The critics started from real religion and actual theology. What religious consciousness and a religious conception really meant was determined variously as they went along. Their advance consisted in subsuming the allegedly dominant metaphysical, political, juridical, moral and other conceptions under the class of religious or theological conceptions; and similarly in pronouncing political, juridical, moral consciousness as religious or theological, and the political, juridical, moral man – “man” in the last resort – as religious. The dominance of religion was taken for granted. Gradually every dominant relationship was pronounced a religious relationship and transformed into a cult, a cult of law, a cult of the State, etc. On all sides it was only a question of dogmas and belief in dogmas. The world was sanctified to an ever-increasing extent till at last our venerable Saint Max was able to canonise it en bloc and thus dispose of it once for all.
"The Old Hegelians had comprehended everything as soon as it was reduced to an Hegelian logical category. The Young Hegelians criticised everything by attributing to it religious conceptions or by pronouncing it a theological matter. The Young Hegelians are in agreement with the Old Hegelians in their belief in the rule of religion, of concepts, of a universal principle in the existing world. Only, the one party attacks this dominion as usurpation, while the other extols it as legitimate.
"Since the Young Hegelians consider conceptions, thoughts, ideas, in fact all the products of consciousness, to which they attribute an independent existence, as the real chains of men (just as the Old Hegelians declared them the true bonds of human society) it is evident that the Young Hegelians have to fight only against these illusions of consciousness. Since, according to their fantasy, the relationships of men, all their doings, their chains and their limitations are products of their consciousness, the Young Hegelians logically put to men the moral postulate of exchanging their present consciousness for human, critical or egoistic consciousness, and thus of removing their limitations. This demand to change consciousness amounts to a demand to interpret reality in another way, i.e. to recognise it by means of another interpretation. The Young-Hegelian ideologists, in spite of their allegedly “world-shattering" statements, are the staunchest conservatives. The most recent of them have found the correct expression for their activity when they declare they are only fighting against “phrases.” They forget, however, that to these phrases they themselves are only opposing other phrases, and that they are in no way combating the real existing world when they are merely combating the phrases of this world. The only results which this philosophic criticism could achieve were a few (and at that thoroughly one-sided) elucidations of Christianity from the point of view of religious history; all the rest of their assertions are only further embellishments of their claim to have furnished, in these unimportant elucidations, discoveries of universal importance.
"It has not occurred to any one of these philosophers to inquire into the connection of German philosophy with German reality, the relation of their criticism to their own material surroundings.
"First Premises of Materialist Method: The premises from which we begin are not arbitrary ones, not dogmas, but real premises from which abstraction can only be made in the imagination. They are the real individuals, their activity and the material conditions under which they live, both those which they find already existing and those produced by their activity. These premises can thus be verified in a purely empirical way.
"The first premise of all human history is, of course, the existence of living human individuals. Thus the first fact to be established is the physical organisation of these individuals and their consequent relation to the rest of nature. Of course, we cannot here go either into the actual physical nature of man, or into the natural conditions in which man finds himself – geological, hydrographical, climatic and so on. The writing of history must always set out from these natural bases and their modification in the course of history through the action of men.
"Men can be distinguished from animals by consciousness, by religion or anything else you like. They themselves begin to distinguish themselves from animals as soon as they begin to produce their means of subsistence, a step which is conditioned by their physical organisation. By producing their means of subsistence men are indirectly producing their actual material life.
"The way in which men produce their means of subsistence depends first of all on the nature of the actual means of subsistence they find in existence and have to reproduce. This mode of production must not be considered simply as being the production of the physical existence of the individuals. Rather it is a definite form of activity of these individuals, a definite form of expressing their life, a definite mode of life on their part. As individuals express their life, so they are. What they are, therefore, coincides with their production, both with what they produce and with how they produce. The nature of individuals thus depends on the material conditions determining their production.
"This production only makes its appearance with the increase of population. In its turn this presupposes the intercourse [Verkehr] of individuals with one another. The form of this intercourse is again determined by production.
[continues in comment]

There is a severe lack of understanding about this community, including among mental health providers and social workers. Stigma, bias, and misconceptions prevent those who are attracted to minors (but do not offend) from seeking help they may need.
CSA = child sexual abuse
NoMAPs = non-offending, minor attracted people: those who are attracted to children but are committed to not causing harm against them
Many non-offending MAPs do not seek professional support, or may withdraw from support, due to the following reasons:

• They are worried that they will be unjustly reported, despite having done nothing wrong (this is based on many cases where professionals misunderstand mandatory reporting laws and report someone to the police just for disclosing their attraction)
• They do not want to be judged by the provider (many therapists, social workers, etc. have intensely negative reactions to clients disclosing their attractions and draw inaccurate conclusions about them based on that disclosure)
• They do not believe their own goals will be met (providers often make CSA prevention the main focus, even when this is not the client’s stated goal. This treats clients as if they are “ticking time bombs” and is not person-centered)
• They do not want to be subjected to attempts to “cure” them of their attractions, or to convert them into teleiophiles, which is shown to be ineffective and harmful

Those of us in the social work and mental health fields can address common misconceptions about this group, as a way to encourage MAPs to get help when they need it. Greater education and understanding about MAPs increases their well-being while also contributing to the prevention of CSA.
Common questions
Are you saying child sexual abuse is acceptable?
Absolutely not. Causing harm to children in the form of in-person/online sexual contact; CSAM (sometimes referred to as child pornography); grooming; or any other inappropriate behavior is not and will never be acceptable.
Many people who are attracted to minors are vehemently against these forms of harm as well, and do not support ideas such as lowering the age of consent. There are entire communities of minor attracted people who are committed to not harming children.
Isn’t using the term ‘MAPs’ normalizing pedophilia?
Only a minority of the population experiences a primary attraction to children. In this sense, pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction are not “normal”, in the same way that LBGTQ identities are not “normal” by proportion to the general population.
When people refer to normalizing something, they are usually talking about removing the stigma behind it, or acknowledging that it is acceptable.
Having an unchosen, unchangeable attraction to children is not inherently wrong, immoral, predatory, or pathological. It becomes so only when harm is involved. Attraction itself is not a behavior.
Shouldn’t we be protecting children from MAPs?
We should absolutely protect children from abusers, groomers, and predators. These terms are not synonymous with being minor attracted. In fact, research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia (see “Sources” section below for reference).
When somebody feels they are at risk for harming a child, they should be able to seek immediate and effective help. Some NoMAPs need temporary or ongoing support in remaining resilient against offending, but this does not represent all or even the majority of NoMAPs. Many in this community have no intention of ever harming a child, and they are not at risk for doing so.
It is also important to note that many MAPs are still children themselves. MAPs tend to become aware of their attractions around the time of puberty or early adolescence. Children who are MAPs deserve the same degree of safety and well-being that other children do.
Why is the term ‘MAP’ even used?
This term has become more widely used for two main reasons:

1. It emphasizes attraction over action. The word ‘pedophile’ has become so conflated with ‘offender’ in every sector of our society, that most people assume a behavioral component when they hear the word. ‘Minor attracted person’, on the other hand, emphasizes that we are talking about those with an attraction, which includes both those who do and those who do not act on it.

Because there are MAPs who are also offenders, the term ‘Non-offending Minor Attracted Person’ (NoMAP) is useful when we are talking specifically about those who have an attraction but do not act on it.

1. ‘MAP’ is also a more accurate, all-encompassing way to refer to the community as a whole. This includes people with infantophilia, pedophilia, and (ep)hebephilia. It would not make sense, for example, to call someone who is primarily attracted to 15-18 year olds a pedophile.

However, many people do not self-identify with the term ‘MAP’. Some identify as pedophiles, hebephiles, boy lovers, girl lovers, or other terms. Some may use multiple terms to describe themselves. What’s important is that we should honor how each individual person self-identifies their attraction, and not impose a label on them.
Alternatives have also been suggested by those who conduct research with this community, such as ‘child attracted person’ as opposed to ‘minor attracted person’. I use ‘MAP’ here because it is the most widely accepted way to refer to the community as a whole.
What would someone who harms a child be called?
Depending on the context, people who harm children could be called many things—offender, abuser, predator, or groomer, to name a few examples.
Research shows that the majority of child sexual abuse cases are carried out by people who do not meet the criteria for pedophilia. (See “Sources” section below to learn why someone who’s not primarily attracted to children would sexually abuse a child.)
Is pedophilia a mental illness/diagnosis?
It depends. Some MAPs are committed to not offending, are not at risk for offending, and have come to terms with their attraction. These individuals have no reason to be pathologized.
Many others are not at risk for offending, yet they desire professional help for mental health conditions (like depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation) that result from the hatred they receive in our society. These individuals also have no reason to be pathologized, as their mental health conditions result from stigma rather than from the attraction itself.
Some MAPs desire professional help in dealing with the difficult emotions resulting from not being able to have a fulfilling sexual or romantic connection, particularly those who are exclusively attracted to children. (Many MAPs are attracted to both children and adults, and may be in relationships with adults.)
There are also MAPs who desire professional help in remaining resilient against offending. In these cases, and in cases where MAPs do harm children, pedophilia would be considered pathological since there is significant distress and/or harm involved.
Is pedophilia a sexual orientation?
The available research points to pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction being an age-based sexual orientation, in that the attraction is unchosen, typically arises during the time of puberty or early adolescence, and remains fairly constant throughout one’s life.
Are you suggesting that MAPs are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
Age-based orientations are by nature different from gender-based orientations, in that there is no safe or ethical way for an adult to engage sexually or romantically with a child. The experience of MAPs is also vastly different from that of LGBTQ individuals in several ways.
While there are some parallels that can be drawn between studies on stigma among LGBTQ individuals and the experience of stigma among MAPs, these are two separate communities.
Can someone’s attraction to children be changed?
Empirical data, based on qualitative and quantitative studies, points to the fact that pedophilia and other forms of minor attraction cannot be changed or "cured". (See “Sources” section below for reference.)
How many MAPs are there in the world?
Across various studies, the average incidence of minor attraction, meaning those who are primarily attracted to minors, comes out to about 5% of the adult population worldwide. This number is likely an undercount for the following reasons:

• Many studies do not account for hebephilia (primary attraction to pubescent children)
• There is usually a focus on men, despite the fact that many MAPs are women
• Some people choose not to disclose their attractions in the first place

Why should I care about any of this?
Reducing stigma against NoMAPs contributes to a safer society for all, based around empathy and evidence. Many people do not feel safe disclosing their attraction for fear of being unjustly reported, misunderstood, or physically harmed.
Unfortunately, stories of MAPs being rejected by family members, forced out of educational programs, reported to the police, and made to feel like a monster– even in the absence of any harm to a child— are all too common. This prevents many MAPs from seeking or continuing to receive support, which in turn can lead to:

• Increased incidence of mental health issues (such as depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation)
• More difficulty in refraining from offending (for some MAPs; others are not at risk to begin with)

The misconceptions and harmful attitudes that we have toward non-offending MAPs directly interfere with them receiving the support they may need, decreasing MAPs’ well-being and putting children at greater risk. This includes children who are MAPs themselves.
Where can I learn more?
There are many resources available to learn about MAPs. These include:

• https://www.b4uact.org/
• https://asapinternational.org/index.php/introduction/about_asapinternational
• https://www.stopitnow.org/
• https://safersociety.org/store/live-online-training-providing-treatment-to-minor-attracted-people/
• https://theglobalpreventionproject.org/maps

If you are minor attracted yourself, you can check out any of the above, plus:

• https://virped.org/
• https://www.mapresources.info/
• https://mapsupport.club/

Sources
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19327034/ "There is no evidence to suggest that pedophilia can be changed. Instead, interventions are designed to increase voluntary control over sexual arousal, reduce sex drive, or teach self-management skills to individuals who are motivated to avoid acting upon their sexual interests"
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32086644/ "The results of this study were consistent with the suggestion of Seto (2012) that pedohebephilia could be considered a form of sexual orientation for age, which includes both sexual and romantic attraction"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8793822/ ..."in line with the current empirical assumption that enduring sexual attractions to children are largely unchangeable (Grundmann et al., 2016; Seto, 2012; for recent debates see Bailey, 2015; Cantor, 2015; Grundmann et al., 2017; Müller et al., 2014; Tozdan & Briken, 2017)"
https://www.csaprimaryprevention.org/supporting-maps.html "The overwhelming opinion in the professional sexual violence prevention community is that helping minor attracted people by offering peeprofessional support is the best way to ensure that minor attracted people do not harm children, and suggest that reducing the stigma against minor attraction will help this endeavor and protect children"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7145785/ "It may be constructive for professionals working with this population to encourage the 'ownership' of the minor-attracted sexual identity, such as to reduce levels of self-stigmatization and increase self-acceptance. In doing so, we argue that we (as professionals, and as a society) can… ultimately, protect children from sexual harm by improving MAP well-being and agency"
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “…less than half of all individuals with child sexual offense convictions meet the clinical criteria for pedophilia (Schmidt et al., 2013; Seto, 2018a)”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/is-there-a-typical-profile-of-someone-who-sexually-abuses-children “Some people who abuse children have adult sexual relationships and are not solely, or even mainly, sexually interested in children”
https://www.stopitnow.org/faq/why-would-an-adult-sexually-abuse-a-child “Some adults sexually abuse a child to feel the power and control they don’t feel in their relationships with other adults… Some adults act impulsively when presented with an unexpected opportunity to sexually abuse a child”
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8888496/ “...the more consistent prevalence estimates for minor attraction in a more clinical sense… congregate around 5% (Dombert et al., 2016; Santilla et al., 2010; Wurtele et al., 2014)”

Hopefully this isn’t downvoted instantly, because I know people seem to get strangely very defensive about Beast’s characterization in this run. I think there is a lot of miscommunication whenever a Beast fan complains about how he was depicted here. Often times people will discount those complaints because they think Beast fans just don’t want him to go bad, when that doesn’t really seem to be the whole truth from what I’ve seen. Ultimately, the complaints I raise and I have seen others raise are more about thinking the writing of his spiral in X-Force 2019 was not done well rather than that said spiral shouldn’t have happened at all. With the Krakoa era coming to an end, and “From the Ashes” having the now-rebooted Beast who is pulled all the way from his time on The Defenders, I don’t see any of the flaws here being addressed beyond characters casually referring to how bad he became. So I wanted to take this time in the in-between, where our new Beast is apparently just chilling on Wonder Man’s couch while the rest of the X-Men fight against Orchis and Nimrod, to once and for all lay out the flaws of Beast’s villainous era, and establish not that it shouldn’t have happened, but that it could have been way better.
Problem 1: A Lack of Pathos:
Most X-Men fans who have been reading for awhile will agree that it’s honestly surprising more mutants haven’t gone down a dark path. Their history is one of striving for acceptance, putting their lives on the line for people who would rather see them dead, and being rewarded with not one but multiple genocides on their population. Some of the most interesting stories can actually come from a formally “upstanding” mutant finally deciding enough is enough. When Cyclops went down his “villainous” path, it made a lot of sense. We’d seen him becoming more disenfranchised with the dream for years. We’d seen his trust in Xavier erode time and time again, and so when he decided to stop asking for acceptance and start demanding it, it was hard to blame him. Even as we saw most of his friends turn against him, that didn’t stop people from declaring “Cyclops Was Right,” because his perspective could easily be understood, and he did achieve results. More recently in X-Men ‘97, we saw Rogue go down a dark path in the wake of Genosha being wiped out, including Magneto and Gambit. Again, this was understood, and it was an interesting direction for her character.
This sort of turn would also make a ton of sense for Hank McCoy. Did you know that back towards the start of the original Uncanny X-Men run, Hank was actually the first X-Men we ever saw to leave the team and say that Magneto was right, after he and Bobby were attacked by an angry mob because Hank used his powers to save a young child? Over the years, one of Hank’s most recurring struggles and arcs is self-loathing and eventual acceptance of his condition. Hank has always been at his darkest when he’s trapped in his spiral of self-loathing, but when he comes out the other side, he tends to be one of the most optimistic mutants when it comes to coexistence with humans. He was out making connections and fighting alongside non-mutants before anyone else. Joining the Avengers and Defenders, speaking on behalf of mutant rights before congress, dating human women who were able to accept his appearance, blue fur and all. Until they weren’t… looking at you, Trish Tilby.
So with all of this in mind, it would honestly be an extremely interesting arc to see Hank, this optimistic mutant who has spent his life building bridges and making connections with humanity, to be slowly beaten down and start to believe peace is not an option. As one of the original X-Men, he has been there through every tragedy that struck the mutant population. And as one of the smartest X-Men, he has usually been at the center of these crises. He has seen advancements in science meant to eradicate the mutants. He has fought against viruses that threaten to drive them extinct. He was there in the wreckage of Genosha. He has seen countless friends killed again and again. He has suffered his own mutation evolving and making him less and less human-looking. He saw the development of a mutant “cure” and was tempted to take it. He has seen it all.
And so that brings us to Krakoa. This is the moment where the mutants as a whole decided enough was enough. If they could not be accepted by humanity, they would pack up and form their own nation, and they would force humanity to accept that they exist by developing life-saving drugs that other nations would have to rely on. And what is one of the first things that happens after the establishment of Krakoa? Hank witnesses assassins infiltrate the island and assassinate Charles Xavier. This right here is honestly the perfect setup for Hank to go darker than he has before. Even after literally segregating the mutant population from humanity, like humanity seemed to want, they still decided to come and kill the man at the forefront of the movement. And Hank, recently placed in charge of mutant black-ops, would likely see that all options are on the table.
Unfortunately, Hank’s actual pathos surrounding the decisions he would go on to make is not explored by the book itself. The book has no interest in detailing Hank’s fall from grace as we saw with Cyclops before him. The book just wants us to accept that Hank has already fallen. And in fact, according to the writing, maybe he never had anywhere to fall from. Any time a character in X-Force tries to ask important questions to understand Hank’s thought process, they are cut off. Usually by Wolverine saying “He’s always been like this.” And then on one occasion, when Wolverine asked Hank why he was doing all this dark shit, Hank said, “Didn’t you read the script? I’ve always been like this.” There is no attempt to examine Hank as a character. We don’t need to know why Hank makes the decisions he does, because this book wants Hank to be a black and white villain and so that’s what he will be. Why? Because he’s always been like this.
Problem 2: Rapid Escalation:
One of the major defenses people have when it comes to Krakoan Hank is that he has apparently been on the road to his villainous self for over a decade. The X-Force run itself loved to have characters spout a list of Hank’s previous “crimes” without any context involved, as justification for why he was acting the way he did in the current run. The problem is, that context is very important. Because it shows the disparity in the Hank of previous stories who made mistakes with good intentions vs the Hank of X-Force who did heinous shit because he wanted to. This was less a plane making a slow descent and more a plane that was slowly descending, but then its engines shut off and it plummeted into a fiery explosion.
To make this case, we need to briefly analyze the previous perceived transgressions of Hank McCoy to show what they actually meant for his character and how they differ from the Bond villain X-Force would present us with. Let’s start with Threnody. Somehow, Threnody became a bit of a buzzword for the beginning of the end for Hank. When people talk about the history of Hank and Threnody, they will usually present it as one of Hank’s worst sins, saying something like “Hank callously handed Threnody over to Mr. Sinister so he could experiment on and abuse her!!!” It kind of makes for some whiplash when you actually read the Threnody story people are talking about. Here is a brief rundown of what actually happens:
Threnody is a young woman who cannot control her powers. It causes her no end of grief, and when we are introduced to her, she is homeless and constantly in danger of hurting herself or others. Beast, Rogue, and Iceman come across Threnody who has been found first by Mr. Sinister. Sinister actually has a vested interest in curing the Legacy Virus, and believes he can help Threnody master her powers, at which point she will prove vital in his efforts to study said Virus. Notably, Threnody wants to go with Sinister here. While Rogue disapproves, Hank does believe that Sinister is actually Threnody’s best option, openly stating Sinister can actually help her gain control and the X-Men cannot, because, as Hank directly says, Sinister is willing to damn parts of his soul in pursuit of scientific enlightenment, and the X-Men are not. A few issues later, when breaking into Sinister’s base, Hank encounters Threnody again. She’s happy. Sinister did indeed help her control her powers, and she has been able to use her abilities to help mutants the world over, while also undermining Sinister’s more evil operations from the inside. Hank expresses relief, saying he was kept up at night by his decision to let her go with Sinister, but Threnody actually thanks him for letting her. And that’s it. That’s Hank’s big “crime” here.
Hank’s other “sins” are also of varying levels of severity. There’s the time “Hank worked with his evil self to cure the Legacy Virus!” when the actual story in question is Hank asserting that he won’t stoop to the levels of Dark Beast and compromise his values in the name of science. There’s the time “Hank sided with the Inhumans against the X-Men!” when the actual story is Storm sending Hank to Attilan to find a way to end the conflict between mutants and inhumans before war broke out. Hank runs out of time to find a cure for the terrigen mist cloud, suggests mutants get off-world in the meantime rather than go to war with the inhumans, is thrown into a cell by the other X-Men for his “betrayal”, and then freed at the conclusion of the war by a repentant Storm when it comes to light that the whole conflict was manipulated by Emma Frost. There’s the time “Hank risked the timestream by bringing the original X-Men to the present day!” A decision that was made on his perceived deathbed with the hopes of bringing his old friend Cyclops back to his side. Hank wants to take the young mutants back right away, but they refuse. And instead of others enforcing that they need to return, we actually see Kitty Pride decide to lead them in the present in memory of Charles Xavier. Notably, Kitty would be one of the many mutants in future issues who would yell at Hank about this.
The point of this post isn’t to absolve Hank of all fault. He has made countless mistakes and bad decisions. Regardless of the culpability of others, the pulling of the O5 to the present was his decision. During Secret Empire, Hank would turn a blind eye to Hydra’s activity simply to keep the mutants under his care safe. During all of this, however, Hank’s character was not compromised. He expressed despair and regret over his worse choices, and struggled with thinking he was a good person any longer. Again, going back to his recurring struggle with self-loathing. He had pathos behind his decisions and how they affected him, and would often reunite with Wonder Man as an opportunity to recenter and declare he would “be better tomorrow than he was yesterday.”
You would think, if the aim of X-Force was to turn Hank into a full-on villain, it would take advantage of the long-form storytelling of comics to chronicle that escalation. Like I said, the assassination of Charles Xavier is a great starting point for Hank to start going darker than he ever has before. The problem is, we don’t get an escalation. Hank starts the run by doing some of the most heinous shit imaginable. Regardless of your thoughts on the severity of Hank’s previous mistakes, none of them compare to his opening volley in this run. Hank uses telefloronics to override and genocide an entire country, leaving various people either completely dead or braindead. We later find out that during this time he also established a space station where he ran unethical experiments on prisoners like Krakoa’s very own Dr. Mengele. He then accuses his old ally Colossus of conspiring with Russia against Krakoa, and calls forth the mutant population to witness as he parades a shamed Colossus through its streets. Then he kills Wolverine and resurrects him as a mindless animal who he uses as an attack dog against his perceived enemies. This isn’t an escalation, this is a different character. And the aforementioned lack of pathos means that we don’t get to see him struggle with these choices. We don’t see his thought process as he becomes darker and darker. Why would we? “He’s always been like this.”
Problem 3: No Personality:
One of the most fun aspects of turning a protagonist into an antagonist is seeing how their personality works with a more villainous mindset. When Cyclops became an “antagonist” to the X-Men, he was still Cyclops. He stuck to his convictions, he was a great leader and tactician, and he was able to turn many mutants to his side because of this. We’ve seen an evil Beast before. The creatively-named Dark Beast is from an alternate future where Beast went down a dark path lacking ethics. The fun of this character, besides comparing his ideologies with our Hank McCoy, is seeing how Hank’s penchant for jokes or quotes now become far more sinister and cutting.
There’s a strange narrative that the jokey Hank is reserved for the Avengers while the Hank with the X-Men is all business and science. This isn’t entirely true. Early on when he was a member of the Defenders, Hank talks about this sort of thing. He essentially says that he wears different hats. While working with the X-Men, he used big words essentially to gain respect from both his teammates and humanity. But with other teams, and in his then-new furry form, he dropped all of that. His speech became more naturalistic and he was much more of a goofball. The thing is, it’s the speech patterns that truly change depending on who Hank is hanging with, not his personality. Hank with the X-Men and Hank with the Avengers are both jovial characters who like to tell jokes and quote philosophy. You can see Hank being a bit of a clown among the X-Men in various runs. So it’s not like it’s a given that Hank is some entirely different dry doctor devoid of any sense of humor when among the X-Men.
But this is how Hank is portrayed in X-Force. Part of why this version of Hank is so hard to reconcile with the rest of his history for fans of the character is that he just doesn’t act like himself, even when he isn’t actively committing war crimes. In one early issue of the run, we get a glimpse at Beast’s journal where he accounts a meeting he had with Forge. Now, Beast has been known to be a very physical character. He is often known to sweep others into a hug, or even plant a big kiss on their face in the case of characters like Wonder Man or Iceman. Meanwhile this one page where we read his thoughts on Forge is clearly pretending this is not the case:

I paid Forge a visit in the Armory – and I must say that he can be, like Logan, rather impossible. There is a certain locker room bravado about him I find perplexing, like a language I only half understand. For instance, he refused to shake my hand but instead dragged me into what he called a “bro hug.” Then he challenged me to a “feat of strength,” asking if I would test out this sappy “muck bomb” he had developed that – or so I gather – glues one in place. He wondered if a “big boy” like me might be able to thrash free of the binding. I refused him and said I very much would prefer to get down to business. He then referred to me as a “bookish peckerwood @#$%” but did so with a friendly laugh and clapped me on the shoulder hard enough to make me stagger. I’m not sure how to process this, honestly. Is he being friendly or cruel? Is it possible to be both?

Needless to say, this doesn’t read like Beast. It reads like an android that has never before felt human emotion. I remember before reading this I was theorizing that Hank had been switched with Dark Beast once more to explain his sudden escalation, but after this I realized that couldn’t be the case. Because this sounds like neither Beast nor Dark Beast. Dark Beast understood how to properly write Hank as a villain. He doesn’t suddenly become your typical made scientist devoid of emotion, humor, or basic human understanding. He still makes jokes that are now cruel. He still quotes literature in a way that paints him as a god among men. Hank going bad can be a fun read, but this run was not.
Problem 4: No One Cares:
Another important angle to consider when writing a story of a good person breaking bad is how it affects those around them. Those who are close friends to the person and find themselves disturbed by their current actions. Again, I return to Cyclops. Regardless of where you stand on if he was right or not, he was very much positioned as an antagonist to the mutants at the Jean Grey School for Higher Learning. Yet we see various friends of Cyclops still caring for him and wanting to pull him back from what they perceive as the dark side. Like I previously said, Beast’s whole reason for messing with the timeline was because he felt he was going to die and wanted to try to appeal to his old friend and bring him back around before he passed on. When someone good goes bad, part of the emotional core is seeing former friends try to appeal to their better nature, and even eventually deciding they’ve gone too far to turn back.
Not so with Hank in X-Force. Like I said, this run posits that this is not any kind of heel turn for Hank. This is how he’s always been. “Hank this isn’t you!” “No, he’s always been like this.” “Hank, turn back before it’s too late!” “Turn back where? He’s always been like this.” None of Hank’s friends give a shit. Hank’s best friend amongst the X-Men is Bobby Drake, Iceman, and we never once see any kind of confrontation there. Cyclops and Angel similarly doesn’t care. Now you could argue this is because X-Force is a secretive organization. Bobby and Scott don’t even know what Hank is doing. There are two issues with this. First, things reach a point where they would know. Hank’s actions become public knowledge, and Wolverine goes off to hunt him down while the rest of the X-Men just kinda look the other way. And second, there is someone with a lot of history with Hank that was a part of X-Force and did see everything that was going on. Jean Grey.
But we never get to see Jean wonder what’s happened to her close friend. Jean who was always incredibly close to Hank. Jean who, it was confirmed during the All-New X-Men era, had mutual feelings for Hank and might have started dating him had things been different. But no, Jean, like every character in this run, accepts that Hank has always been like this. That’s the answer to everything. So instead of some kind of emotional confrontation where she tries to appeal to his better nature, we instead have Jean yell at Hank, use her powers to throw him against a wall, and quit X-Force. And then most recently, we see her tell Firestar without hesitation to throw Hank under the bus for any heat that comes her way from her undercover mission. Because everyone will believe Hank is responsible for all the bad shit. Who the hell cares about Hank? According to this run, no one.
Conclusion:
I hope you can see the larger issue here. When Beast fans complain about his Krakoan era, people assume they just don’t want to see their favorite do bad things. But it’s practically accepted at this point in comics that most heroes will have a villain arc. Hell, Iceman is the only one of the original five X-Men who hasn’t gone down a dark path at this point. The problem is that everything about the writing of Hank during this time was just not done well. There is no exploration of Hank’s descent into villainy, and any questioning down that line is immediately shut down by the assertion that this is just who he’s always been. There isn’t any slow escalation because his first move is genocide. Hank is not even written as himself during this era, but rather as a generic bond villain. And none of Hank’s former close friends even show any emotion about his turn to villainy. An evil Hank story could easily work. We saw it with Dark Beast. A story where the former optimistic member of the X-Men has been beaten down so many times that he takes on a “whatever it takes” mentality could be interesting and emotionally resonant as we both understand what drove him here yet hate the man he’s become. But that isn’t what we got. We got a run that wrote him as a complete stranger and then had all the characters tell the reader that they were wrong for ever thinking he was anyone else.