I'm sorry for this long ass rant I just wanted to say what I feel. Hi everyone,I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts alot recently,I always struggled with intense internalised mood swings,low self esteem social anxiety,an inferiority complex,and a very vicious cycle of destructive thought patterns,I have these periods of high motivation and confidence,they're extremely short,and I have these longer periods of feeling worthless or completly numb,i'm bad at dealing with intense emotions,I know i need to process emotions in a healthy way,but I'm sensitive and mine get so intense they physically hurt,and my emotions are like an avalanche one emotion and memory leads to even worse ones,and they flactuate a lot like they're so feckle and umpredectable that I can never pinpoint a constant state I'm in,like one second I'm so hopeful and motivated and happy the next I want to kill myself everything sucks while lacremosa is playing in the background,I developed some addictions to avoid my feelings,not substance abuse issues,more like electronic devices and sexual stuff,I spend so much time scrolling doing nothing to drown the world,to the point I drowned my brain,I'm always sooo tired wether I sleep early or eat healthy or do sports whatever I do my head is always foggy I'm always tired and my motivation is null,I don't have any passions anything I try I stop after a while not because I'm incompetent,I just tire of it and lose all my motivation,my interests are as fickle as my emotions,they change so much my life goals everything,they change so fast soo much that I can never see a materialized path for myself,I see Daedalus's maze and I have no Ariadne to guide me through it,and because of that just stop,I wake up in the morning and nothing no drive no goal no certainty and no reason to wake up(right no I'm majoring in engineering I like it now but I'm sure I will hate it again very soon),I want that fire passion drive,the irony is I have no clear goal but so terrified of dissapointing my parents family and literal strangers,I spend all my day procrastinating like I'm really lazy,life is just sooo boring,I live in a country where I feel stuck,it's a third world country with no opportunities and anything big you want to do is denied to you,I don't know how to love life,to wake up with a goal so clear you can touch it,a fire that makes you feel alive,i want real connection too,like i have friends good ones,but i just feel like i'm always a 3rd wheel a ghost that they forget the moment I'm out of their sight I want to be important to someone to believe I am,but my brain can't believe it I always feel like I'm a burden like everyone in any given room hates me for just being there,and it's very hard for me to keep relationships because I'm also not consistent,my constant insecurity and social anxiety make relationships and interactions so stressful for me like really really stressful,a voice in my head constantly talking to me,and I just prefer being alone it's more peaceful,and I get bored of people?I don't know meeting people ruins them,I like to live with the image the ideal I created of them in my head,and I'm inconsistent one second I want to cut someone out of my life and the next I like them and just as randomly hate them and find them repulsive,I know I'm a coward but I don't have any guidance we don't really do therapy in this country and everyone's too religious,so they just tell you pray and God will help you I tried I failed I'm an atheist now,also I'm pansexual so add that to the list,i just feel so detached like what's the point,the only times I feel alive is when i info dump on my mom or while reading a book even the latter is feckle and I can lose my intrest for weeks,I spend days numb not a single thought goes through my head,I always try to break cycles but they just happen before I even know it,I don't think I'm depressed I don't have the symptoms of depression other than anxiety and low self esteem it's just who I'm I think I do have childhood trauma because of the physical(he used to choke me and beat me so hard I couldn't breathe even spit in my face)and sometimes sexual abuse and assault my brother put me through(I'm 19m) btw,I did suspect bipolar or borderline personality disorder but no I don't have the symptoms,I truly think it's just a me problem,my personality or something I don't know as I said I don't really have a professional to ask,like is it the norm to almost attempt suicide at the slightest inconvenience,that at the slightest inconvenience you go into intense emotional distress like a madman and blame yourself for everything,and feel guilt and every emotion so I intensly you want to end your life to stop this intense unescapable pain, eternal nothing seem like a treath,I know about passive suicidal ideations,how it's healthy and helps us cope,so maybe it's my coping mechanism? although I don't know what's normal that's the problem I have no reference to see wether I'm normal have a problem or just a drama queen I don't know,maybe I'm just emotionally immature,and bottle my emotions too long, because my brother's abuse instilled in me this idea that expressing or standing up for myself will get me hurt because he was stronger than me so now I bottle my emotions and don't stand up for myself because I know that strength is everything and it's stupid to do so because I'm weaker and will just lose so I'm a ticking time bomb,so maybe I have the aftermath of Chernobyl or pompeii inside of me. You know what's funny, sometimes I wish that reincarnation is real because I want to be born in a different life and different body,and sometimes I even want to kill myself because I have this morbid curiosity about what happens after death other that the fact that I'm tired of life,so I guess my fear of hell saved me?yay to religious traumaaaa!!

So I got her (half staffy half amstaff) on Saturday, absolutely adore her and she’s a great girl, the only major issue I’m having is when I leave her in her crate at night. She’s approximately 12 weeks old, and she’s very clingy, and will only fall asleep if she’s on my lap. The second I put her in her crate, boom, she’s up.
Each morning since I got her I wake up to go downstairs and she has pooped in her crate, and since she bangs/scratches on the cage to get out, it smears on the crate, and all over the floor surrounding it, so it’s been a nightmare to clean each time.
Last night I did a bit of an experiment with her, I purposely stayed up until the early hours of the morning so I could do this. Before midnight, I tried I tried to keep her awake so she could poop on her puppy pad before bed. Tried for an hour and she never did, even though last time she pooped was about 6 hours prior.
I then let her fall asleep on my lap, and put her in her crate, sneaking out of the room as to not wake her. I purposely kept my bedroom door and the living room (where her crate is) door open so I could hear clearly when she woke up. She woke up 10 minutes later, as soon as I heard her crying I ran down, boom, pooped in her crate. Cleaned up, got her asleep again, repeated the process.
Another 20 minutes later, hear her wake up, go down, pooped a second time. And this also happened a third time. I wake up this morning, again. Poop everywhere because she’d had time where I was asleep to smear it all over the place (so that makes 4 times total in the space of 8 hours)
I did try feeding her meals two hours earlier hoping she would then go poop BEFORE bed but this didn’t seem to do anything. Is it possible she has a bowel problem? I also did read somewhere that puppies can poop because of anxiety too. I’ve read that they can poop around 4/5 times a day. She will poop a couple times during the day, but it seems to mostly be at night when she notices I’m gone.
I’m considering moving her crate up to my room. Cus on a different night when I stayed with her downstairs til 5am there was no pooping in her crate (until I went to bed at 6am and came down at 9am) she would just wake up, scan the room, saw I was there and go back to bed. All my friends who are dog owners advised against this as they insist she has to sleep on her own or she’ll develop long term separation anxiety, but I’d rather get advice from a professional.
Please help. Any advice would be appreciated. I don’t know if it’s anxiety or if it’s an indicator of potential gut issues.

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Thoughts on A2A receptor as a cause. Personal Story I don't see myself as suffering from long Covid, however the last year I did start to get some symptoms that had startling similarities to those suffering with Long Covid, when from time to time I'd feel seriously drained, panic attacks, brain fog and just generally lethargic.
Then late last year I had a panic attack so severe that I called an ambulance thinking I was about to drop dead. Around this time I also learned that my sister had recently collapsed for six hours and the doctors could find no reasoning behind it.
So I started to do some research.
The first thing I found out was about how Caffeine can help trigger panic attacks, and if you're suffering from anxiety you should cut back.
This didn't really make sense to me as I'm not a huge caffeine drinker and I don't suffer from anxiety but I gave it a go. I also learned that my sister had collapsed after drinking a considerable amount of coffee whilst on a long journey so perhaps there was something in it. Even though caffeine shouldn't actually make someone collapse.
Cut to a few caffeine free weeks later and I'm back to normal. My sister too has also quit caffeine and reports that all is well, with no further episodes.
So obviously this all seemed a little strange to me as to why at forty seven years old I am now struggling to cope with even a decaf coffee, which contains almost no caffeine, and so I wanted to find out what was going on.
This was when I came across some information on the adenosine A2A receptor, which is part of the 22 chromosome and deals with such things as inflammation and is also said to be a major target of caffeine.
And the further research I did the more convinced I became that this receptor was possibly a bit screwed up genetically. And that both me and my sister had been born with the same issue/ genetic abnormality.
But why now? If I had a genetic abnormality why now? Why did it not show up sooner? This was a question posed recently to me by a friend. And then around the same time my partner relayed to me a conversation she'd had with someone with long covid, and who was suffering similar symptoms to what I had experienced, but to a more severe and drawn out extent.
And so I started to wonder if there was a link between Covid and why in the past year caffeine had suddenly started to have such a disastrous affect on me, and not before. And then it started to make sense, at least to me.
Thinking back to when I got COVID for the only time I started to remember that I had experienced a similar sense of lethargy for around two months, to the extent that I felt as if my battery power was suddenly, albeit briefly, greatly reduced. From say 90% to something more like 40%. This I now realised was similar to what I had recently experienced during my panic attack, though at that point my power was about 5%, if not completely flat. My sister said similar.
So here's what I think. I may have had a slightly dodgy A2A receptor pre COVID, but then COVID came along and screwed it up even further. And I also think the A2A receptor is an area specifically targeted by COVID, although there's seemingly no research yet to prove it. I also believe that this receptor potentially holds the clues for the damage long Covid can do and that the affect it has had on areas such as inflammation needs to be urgently investigated. Especially so there isn't a wave of knock on illnesses further down the line.
And finally I believe that describing the effects of long Covid in such a general way is damaging. After all you wouldn't describe someone as suffering from a car crash. You would talk about specific injuries, and the same should apply to COVID.
Anyways, that's just some thoughts and theories. I'm not a medical professional so treat accordingly.

Written by: NaTarsha Harris
What is trauma? In simple terms, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), “Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event like an accident, rape, or natural disaster”. While this is an acceptable answer, I want an in-depth explanation that describes trauma in detail. So, again, what is trauma? The question may be simple but the answer is complex. Missouri’s Early Care & Education Connections explains that, [“… trauma results from an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced by an individual as physically or emotionally harmful or threatening and that can have lasting adverse effects on the individual’s functioning and physical, social, emotional well-being”]. Trauma is the result caused by a devastating experience. Many times, this result (trauma) prevents the victim from being able to live a healthy and productive life. Sometimes, unfortunately, the torment of the trauma lasts a lifetime. On the other hand, thankfully, the victim is able to overcome the trauma.
— A Broader Understanding Of Trauma —
Trauma consists of three principle categories:

1. Acute trauma such as experiencing a car accident
   
2. Chronic trauma such as being raised by verbally abusive parents, and
   
3. Complex trauma such as a child who is abused at home, bullied in school, and disregarded by other people who are supposed to help keep them safe (i.e. teachers, counselors, other family members, friends and social workers) (Missouri’s Early Care & Education Connections).
   

Can you personally identify with any one of these three principle categories of trauma? Does the category of trauma that you identify with come from childhood, adulthood or both?
— The Trauma Most Familiar To Me —
I personally identify with complex trauma although the three examples provided in each category above are a few of the traumatic events I’ve directly experienced. The reason why, for me, it’s not acute trauma or chronic trauma is because it wasn’t just the car accident and it wasn’t just the verbal abuse at home. It was also the overall neglect, rejection, bullying, verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse and psychological abuse, among other things. It was me being left alone, throughout the majority of my childhood, with no one to defend or protect me — not at home, school, public places, courtrooms, counselor’s offices or anywhere else. I’ve spent the majority of my adulthood encountering most of the same traumatic experiences I suffered as a child. On my quest to understand why my childhood was the way it was, I remember hearing mention of ‘generational curses’. My understanding of ‘generational curses’ is that it’s a spiritual battle that’s passed from one generation to the next. So, on a more pragmatic note, my question is:
— Is Emotional And Psychological Trauma Intergenerational? —
What does ‘intergenerational’ mean? According to the Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries, ‘intergenerational’ means, “including or involving people of different generations or age groups”. Now, my question (reworded) becomes, ‘Does an event of emotional and psychological trauma include more than one generation?’ As I dig deeper to find the answer(s), my question evolves from a general question to a personal one. Consequently, I’m now asking, “Did I experience (some of) my childhood trauma because of the childhood trauma that my mother, grandmother, great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother experienced?
My Conclusion:
In doing my research and truly pondering whether or not I’ve been personally affected by intergenerational trauma, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have certainly been affected. According to an article published by PsychCentral, “Intergenerational trauma is essentially what happens when adverse events or experiences are passed down from one generation to the next, often in unspoken and deeply complex ways” (Ryder & White, 2022, par 5). The American Psychological Association (APA) explains intergenerational trauma as being, “…expressed when the descendant of someone who experienced a traumatic event presents challenging emotional and behavioral reactions that are similar to their ancestor or relative”. In analyzing these two interpretations of intergenerational trauma, I’m able to assess my emotional, mental and social reactions to trauma and easily relate it to that of my ancestors. My ancestors that I know personally, as well as those whom I’ve heard other family members speak of, are all described as being: mean, quick-tempered and verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive to their children. These traumatic events caused their children to be mean, quick-tempered, and abusive as well. It also caused their children to result to using unhealthy coping mechanisms such as overeating, rage outbursts, domestic violence, substance abuse and promiscuity. Each generation of men and women, that I know of, from my great-great-grandmother to my generation, have all experienced the same traumas and have all responded in exactly the same ways. Along with the anger, rage, domestic violence, substance abuse and promiscuity is also severe depression and anxiety, suicidal ideations and attempts, criminal records, failed relationships and friendships, divorces, extensive (and seemingly irreparable) animosity between parent and child, among many other things. The intergenerational trauma has caused us to hurt each other and hurt ourselves.
— Something Has To Change —
Right now, I don’t have children and I’m so thankful to God. What I’ve went through in both my childhood and adulthood is something that I NEVER want my child(ren) to witness or personally experience! Although intergenerational trauma is a real thing that has infected, effected and affected many generations before me, it doesn’t mean that this trauma will remain a malignant, cancerous tumor that spreads to my children. It stops with me. I’m on a journey of healing mentally, emotionally and spiritually so that I can provide my future children with the love, assurance, peace, safety, support and comfort that I desperately needed as a child. This doesn’t mean that they will grow up to be the best people in the whole wide world; it simply means that they will know that they’re not in this huge world all alone and that mama loves them no matter what. In order for me to get to this place inside myself where I can provide my children with all these things, I have to face the generations before me. It’s not about confronting them or blaming them; it’s about understanding them and forgiving them. It’s about releasing them from the judgement and wrath. It’s about seeing the broken child inside of them and loving that child, even if I have to do it from a distance.
How do I do this? I contemplate their life story and identify all the ways in which their pain is my pain. Because I’ve personally experienced what they’ve experienced, I know their pain all too well. And, as I release them, I release myself. I give them permission to heal so that I too can be healed. It is now that I can sympathize with the generations before me. The sadness is so real. Their lives were so hard and, in many ways, unbearable. How can I continue to crucify them? I cannot.
References:
American Psychological Association. (n.d.) Trauma. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/trauma
Missouri’s Early Care & Education Connections. (n.d.) What Is Trauma? Retrieved from: https://earlyconnections.mo.gov/professionals/trauma-informed-care
Oxford Learner’s Dictionaries. (n.d.) Intergenerational. Retrieved from: https://www.oxfordlearnersdictionaries.com/us/definition/english/intergenerational
Ryder, G. & White, T. (2022). PsychCentral.com. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-intergenerational-trauma-impacts-families

Hey there, fellow Redditors!
As we embrace the beautiful month of May, it's crucial to recognize that it's not only a time of blooming flowers and warmer weather but also an opportunity to raise awareness about mental health. May is Mental Health Month, a dedicated time to shed light on the importance of self-care, emotional well-being, and promoting mental health awareness.
In a world that often seems fast-paced and demanding, our mental health can sometimes take a backseat. This month, let's make a conscious effort to prioritize ourselves and those around us. Mental health is just as vital as our physical health, and by focusing on it, we can create a positive impact on our overall well-being.
Here are a few key points to consider during Mental Health Month:

1. Self-Care as a Priority is not selfish; it's a necessity. Take the time to nurture your mind, body, and soul. Engage in activities that bring you joy, whether it's reading a book, practicing yoga, taking a walk in nature, or simply spending quality time with loved ones. Remember, self-care is not a luxury; it's an essential part of maintaining good mental health.
   
2. Destigmatizing Mental Health Mental health affects millions of people around the world, yet there remains a significant stigma attached to it. Let's challenge these stigmas by having open conversations about mental health, sharing our experiences, and supporting one another. Together, we can create a safe and compassionate environment where seeking help is encouraged and celebrated.
   
3. If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health challenges, it's important to seek professional support. Therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors are trained to provide guidance and assistance tailored to individual needs. Don't hesitate to reach out to these professionals or encourage others to do so. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength and resilience.
   
4. Building a strong support system is crucial for maintaining good mental health. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups where you can share your thoughts and feelings openly. Online communities, such as mental health subreddits, can be a valuable resource for connecting with others who may be going through similar experiences.
   
5. Practicing Mindfulness is a powerful tool for managing stress, anxiety, and other mental health concerns. Take a few minutes each day to focus on the present moment, engage in deep breathing exercises, or try meditation. .
   

Remember, mental health is a journey, and it's different for everyone. It's okay to have good days and bad days, but by prioritizing your well-being, seeking support when needed, and nurturing a positive mindset, you can make significant strides towards a healthier and happier life.
Let's make this Mental Health Month a time of self-reflection, empathy, and action. Together, we can break down barriers, raise awareness, and create a world where mental health is given the attention it deserves.
Take care of yourselves, and remember, you are never alone.

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Without being too specific, I'm going through it pretty badly. I've been doing a lot of introspective dissection, and am coming into quite a few uncomfortable and very disheartening realizations. I'd seen quite a bit of talk lately about different "attachment styles" in various subs, so in the interest of my own evolution figured I'd look into it and see what I see.
It all makes so much sense now.
After doing a few different online quizzes and tests, nothing formal or remotely professional, and coming up with the same results every time, I decided to read into it a bit. All the pieces of my life are coming together. Everything I've ever felt, every reason for every action and reaction, every terrible thought, every failure, it all makes sense.
Some simple background for those that can put it together; I'm late April Taurus, IXTJ (mostly Ni dominant), and now have found out that I line up perfectly with the descriptors of someone with a Disorganized Attachment style.
This knowledge with what I already know of my personality, both assumed and real, makes me so, so sad. It's like every card in the deck is stacked against me. Like I was fated to be unhappy, unimportant, and incompatible. A stony, emotionally incompetent, anxiety-ridden, endlessly expanding sinkhole of doubt and despair.
Even typing this, I started with hope that there are answers, and now I'm sitting here quietly sobbing with none at all, actively feeling the spiral downward pick up speed. I need to believe that there is some escape from this sad state of existence. How did you overcome this? How are you getting out of the pit? What techniques or tools have worked for you?
I'm prepared for a fight, I've been doing it my whole life. I have too much to lose by giving up, and I am not willing to compromise by claiming acceptance. I want to beat this. I want to win. I want to live my life on MY terms, not the ones set for me by trauma.

I (F22) am aware of the fact that schizophrenia is not the only condition where one experiences hallucinations or delusions, and that one's like psychosis or bipolar types also get to a point of experiencing it. My mother has had agoraphobia for ages, had post-partum depression where she would hallucinate and hear voices whilist carrying my now schizophrenic brother, and did experience psychotic delusions two years ago due to taking the wrong thyroid medication which altered her system. As I said, my brother is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, and well, overall my family has a history of undiagnosed conditions (aka my uncle later finding out he's got ADHD/Autism and is one of those avobe avarage people intelligence wise), my biological father has BPD... etc.
Now, I have always been a really internal person, and whichever delusion or hallucination I was having, unless I was having out of body experience terrors I wouldn't say. My delusions have always been very steong beliefs and convictions, but I've never imposed them out loud or spoke on them out loud. Only during the time where I was advocating for opening your third eye, and the time I thought becoming a muslim was going to save me from the warmth of God, I was loud about it. Religious terror has always been present though, very intensely. On the other side, complete apathy of the thing whenever my delusion would come crashing down in front of me. Like when a parent promises you something and they don't keep their words, you end up holding resentment towards them.
Anyway, since I was little I remember having these 'strange' convictions and/or hellucinations.
The first one I remember having was a delusion that angels woukld come get me. I was around 6/7 and (unfortunately) I was already on Facebook. I received one of those good luck e-mails, but it had something about angels, my mind saw hidden messages about how angels would come and get me to make all my dreams come true. But I didn't want to be taken away, so I ran towards my parents crying my heart out that I didn't want to be taken away and thag angels were after me. I was really terrified, when they read over it, nothing gave the illusion that someone could transcript the message into being kidnapped by angels. They tried to convince me that 'angels' referred to them giving me what I wanted. I was able to calm down somewhat.
We moved years later to another house, and I was convinced there were demons in it. They would throw rocks at me when I would sleep at my parent's bed or floor.
Then years later, related also to angels, I had an hallucination/delusion. I have danced since I was 5, and at 10/11 we built a studio in the garage of our new house. My mother and father happened to be out and were on their way one, people who came to do classes were leaving (it had finished), but I started to tremble terribly. I didn't want to go to my house (above) alone by myself because I didn't want 'them' to take me or hurt me and I hennuinely thought I would be in danger. Which from that point is normal, I was a kid. But at that age, I already was experiencing horrible delusions about the house being haunted by the owner (who wasn't dead yet at the time.) The hallucination happened when I was convinced to go up and just relax (I was having a full on panic attack.) I went home and when I was crossing the hallway I saw a tall angel with white small wings and curled golden hair go into the living room. I BOLTED out of the house. They had to stay until my parents arrived.
During the time we were living at that house I used to be under the illusion that no one was real. That they were reptiles using skins and I was the only one who was a human and couldn't let them find out. So I never said anything about it, in fear they'd kill me or send me away from earth. That did end up going away somewhat (lingering in the back of my mind from time to time.) Years later I started hurting myself because it would help me release the pent up anxieties, and would distract me from delusions and hallucinations. Then I got an ED, not eating and laxatives would make my beliefs that my house was haunted even worst.
The ghosts and demons delusions/hallucinations have always been persistent and is something that is present everyday of my life (I can't get rid of it.) So, you can imagine tha I have throught my life experienced my share of them and all nighters because I couldn't let them win and take me away.
I will not get like into ALL of them, because at one point it gets repetitive. But there's two that really marked a before and after. The first one was when before my brother got a diagnosis he thought he'd been cussed, so my mother, seeing the distressed state he was in, took him to a 'santanera'. She told him he had been cursed and had 15 demons trying to kill him blab blah. So he got an exorcism done to him, by my father, and I was the only other person in the house. I was in such distrease while it underwent, hearing my brother scream for help like he was being murdered that I got into this elusive state that the house was shaking. So, the house shook, I shook, the picture of my mothers grand parents avobe me shook, and I saw them protecting me. (they're both dead) but I knew they were protecting me. It was really crazy and it felt so real for me, and him.
And the other one was when I was working night shifts. Eight months into it I started having negative hallucinations and delusions. I was chased by the 'jello-man' (who not lives in my wall), he wasn't necessarily bad. Demons were threatening to cut me in half and put me in the freezer, but he seemed to just linger like a protector. It was a really creazy time. Having pánico attack after panic attack, talking to imaginary people at work, and hyperventilating while I tried to attend clients at the same time.
After I left work, I got better. And I tried to get healthy. I was able to recover from that terrifying state, I eveb left tarot and spirituality, terrified it would gill me (since I tried to commit for both the weight of my life/mental state and because if I did life for my family would get better through it.) And now, I am full deep on delusion. It was pressive, slowly. I am both aware that it sounds crazy but at the same time equally as convinced that it is real. The Jell-O man is back, now on my wall. But it started with one bad thing after another happening, and I believe thag someone has cursed me. I suspect from friends and even family members. I feel chased, by a famale entity. I moved again to a very big house and the second week in I saw my aunt walking towards were my room was but when I asked my mom she told me that my aunt hadn't moved from the kitchen. But I Heard the window, and I SAW her. And that must've been a demon or doppelganger, what would it be if not. And now I'm back at thag same job I had back then, only not at night, because I need money. And that place is extra cursed. And since I'm cursed it aggravates me seeing things. I keep seeing the same man I did when I worked there back in 2021, and I am terrified by it.
Another thing I should mention is I am hypochondriac, but it's really weird because I will full on believe I am dying. I have the belief that my body is deteriorating/rotting, and I live everyday with the fear that I am going to drop death every day. I have thought I was having a heart attack, thatg I had a heart condition, that I had breast cancer, that I had endometriosis, sclerosis,... Etc, I have overobssesed with it and convinced myself, saying my goodbyes and crying about me dying. But from those times only 2 of them J have gone to the doctors because I would actually have sensations that then for the doctors would not make sense of why I was having them because results were okay.
I am not sure if this could be schizophrenia, or if this could be any other condition that's similar. I don't know how to live any other way, so I don't know how it feels to not see things and believe crazy things. I struggle to communicate with people, so I don't know if it would even work to reach out professionally. It just exhausts me so much. I need the sounds to cease.
Should I reach out to someone, or could this be because of something I can repair myself without external need?
Thank u.

Hair loss has been eating away my time / attention / self confidence and I've finally decided to get an hair transplant. Only thing I am not sure is when I should be doing that given that I'm working professional and hesitant to share it with my colleagues ( Few of them are assholes who would make fun of it ). Luckily I have 20 paid leaves available during the year and I have just used 1 until May. Given the same I can think of 2 options -

1. Take a 2 week leave and few days WFH and take the ugly look to the office with a cap on ( Not sure how many days after the HT I can wear a baseball cap. Please suggest on the same )
   
2. Take 20 days off at the year end and few days in the next year when new leaves are credited. This should give me a nice 1 to 1.5 months break, but I don't think so It'll be enough to fully heal my scalp, but can take away my anxiety related to it.
   

Also, would appreciate any referral for good HT doctors in Mumbai. Ready to take the hit not sure which one is the easier of the above. Please help! Thankyou!

Ever since I came to know about mental health problems and also being someone who was diagnosed with depression and anxiety twice in span of 2 years, I am too pissed off at the lack of support for people suffering from mental health issues and not able to get proper psychotherapy.
There are various private organizations which provide therapy. Last year I took therapy from one of those organization only but after few months, they increased their charges to 40% of their original charges. I know these all are private org and they also have to sustain themselves with rising inflation and they are pursuing it as their profession, but there should be proper arrangement made by govt to help people with mental health issues. I can go as far as to say that there should be a separate department to deal with mental illness and the aid provided to people using such govt departments.
One of my friend from Singapore told me that she doesn't pay anything to her therapist and the therapist and mental health professionals are paid by the govt itself. Seems like I was born in a wrong country :')

Managing stress during pregnancy is crucial for both the mother's well-being and the healthy development of the baby. Here are some strategies to help you manage stress during pregnancy:

1. Stay Informed: Educate yourself about pregnancy, childbirth, and newborn care. Knowing what to expect can help alleviate anxiety about the unknown.
2. Healthy Lifestyle: Maintain a healthy diet, get regular exercise (as approved by your healthcare provider), and prioritize sleep. Physical activity can help reduce stress and improve mood.
3. Relaxation Techniques: Practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, yoga, or prenatal massage. These can help calm your mind and body.
4. Seek Support: Talk to your partner, friends, or family about your feelings and concerns. Joining a prenatal support group can also provide you with a supportive community of other expectant mothers.
5. Limit Stressors: Identify sources of stress in your life and try to minimize or eliminate them where possible. Delegate tasks, say no to additional commitments, and prioritize self-care.
6. Time Management: Plan and organize your time effectively to reduce feelings of overwhelm. Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps and focus on what's most important.
7. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to additional responsibilities or commitments that may add unnecessary stress during pregnancy.
8. Stay Connected: Maintain social connections with friends and loved ones. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can be comforting and reassuring.
9. Prenatal Care: Attend all scheduled prenatal appointments and communicate openly with your healthcare provider about any concerns or anxieties you may have.
10. Educate Yourself: Learn about stress management techniques specifically tailored to pregnancy. Your healthcare provider or prenatal classes may offer resources and guidance in this area.

Remember, it's normal to experience some stress during pregnancy, but chronic or excessive stress can have negative effects on both you and your baby. If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to reach out for professional help from a therapist or counselor who specializes in prenatal mental health.

After spending my whole life not understanding why I don’t fit in with the world, my psychiatrist and therapist have suggested that get assessed for autism. I’m 28 and as a kid was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder, a communication learning disability, ADHD and anxiety. After their suggestion, I started reading about autism in girls it’s clicked and all makes sense. Next month I go for my assessment and I’m so nervous. I’m someone who likes to be as prepared as possible for new situations and for this all I’ve been told is that it’s going to take 5 hours. I’ve asked my therapist but she says that she doesn’t know how the assessments are done. I know assessments are probably done differently in different places, but have a few questions and I’m wondering if you guys might be able to help me out. • Will it be like an interview where I’m talking or will I be given papers to fill out? • Will I be able to have breaks? • If it is talking, what will we talk about? • Are there things I should bring? • Can someone come with me?
Are there any other things that you wished you knew before your assessment? Also my therapist has also told me to just be myself. What does that exactly mean? I feel like I have two different selves, my professional self for when meet new people or at work that makes eye contact and does all the social “rules” or who I wish I could be all the time because it’s more comfortable, where I don’t make eye contact and don’t always say or do the “right” thing.

The title might sound really suspicious. But I've been experiencing symptoms of anxiety for a while, especially due to certain issues with my family, and also because of one friend who said she would kill herself that stressed me out quite a lot, and I had to talk her out of it. These have kind of built up and made me miss loads of uni essay deadlines. I applied for a post-submission extension to drop the late penalty by explaining what happened with my friend, but it was rejected. Which I kinda understand, like anyone can make up a story like that. But they said I can go to the doctor and get a medical record/ doctor's note of some kind.
So I plan on booking an appointment with my GP on my university campus and explaining my circumstances.
But how does it even work? Do I just explain my symptoms? It usually involves me feeling frozen and like my body is just stuck in its place. I've also had struggled with suicidal thoughts whenever a low in life happens, and though I'd never do anything, I think that has an effect on my uni work. I also get random rushes of adrenaline and memories that resurface that I don't like, especially to do with my family. I find myself needing to pee all the time, and my anxiety is only solved by cold showers, which actually really help. But it usually involves my train of thought stopping so much, and I deeply struggle with concentration, which I know I didn't struggle with as much before certain life events happened. Especially the thing with my friend, where I nearly called the Samaritans because I wanted to talk about her, and it was having a big effect on me too, so ofc I wanted to talk about myself to someone. I didn't in the end cos I got too scared. So I'm not sure how valid this will look to a professional.
But if I explain all this to my doctor, how will they know I'm not faking, or that I just looked up a website explaining the symptoms and memorized them?
Any help is appreciated, thanks :)

My wife's been in perimenopause for at least a year and a half, or so it would seem from her symptoms. She has PMDD and this has made it significantly worse.
She hates me. Not, like...mood swings. Genuine contempt and loathing. And I'm hearing the reasons she's giving me, but it seems like everything I do is suddenly tinged with her belief that I'm out to get her, want her to fail, think she's stupid, etc. My yearslong gender identity introspection and gender presentation disgust her; she's no longer attracted to me, even though funnily enough I ended up right back where I started identifying in the first place. I'm constantly doing things I "must have known" would upset her and am therefore upsetting her on purpose.
Look, I'm so far from perfect it's not even visible from where I'm standing. I have many flaws. However, among them are not "actively conspiring for my wife to have a horrible life."
I've been in menopause temporarily myself (Lupron was fun...said no one ever) and I remember the sheer misery of hating everyone and everything and feeling like I had no control over myself. I know this isn't her fault.
She has bpd and borderline on top of this, and has had to cut way back on her mood stabilizer recently to what anyone would consider a subclinical dose. That's not helping. She's neurodiverse, and has psoriatic arthritis that seems to be in constant flare for the last six months or so. Her anxiety and depression are through the roof.
But I cry constantly. My SI has skyrocketed. I'm losing the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, the person I WANT to spend the rest of my life with, the person who says she wants that too at least one week out of the month.
I'm desperate to try anything that might work - or at least suggest them to her so she can try them, I guess. So I'm trying to get information from actual people as, in a shocking twist, her doctors are absolutely useless. Go figure.

• HRT is something she's presently unwilling to do because it increases cancer risk. She's Jewish and therefore at a slightly elevated breast cancer risk (though she's BRCA negative, I think her odds are 15% compared to the usual 12% according to the genetic testing? Maybe a higher number, in the teens though, I'm fairly sure.) If you've decided to do HRT despite increased cancer risk, or decided against it for that reason, I would love it if you would share your thoughts on the subject.
• She's tried HBC many times in life. The results have always been awful. If you've had success with a particular brand though, let me know. It's worth asking if she's tried that one before. So far it's been suggested to me to try LoLoestrin and Slynd. If you've had experience with those I'm very interested to hear about it.
• She has bad reactions to many herbal/natural products, but I can't remember what offhand. I just remember fish oil sent her into a depression spiral. She also has kidney damage from lithium. So I'm still interested in hearing about these, I'm just not sure which would be useful or safe. Obviously not taking anything without professional input from a doctor.
• She's iron deficient but also has severe ibs-c. If you know an iron supplement that won't make that worse, I'd love to hear about it. SlowFE worked great for her at one point but I think they stopped making it? Flintstones vitamins were a no-go, which is a shame as they worked for me. I did suggest blackstrap molasses capsules and acv capsules, which is what I took when I was hemorrhaging bimonthly with a giant fibroid, but to be honest I have no idea if it helped at all.
• Her doctor will not test hormone levels because she believes those tests are pointless. I would love to know your experiences with doctors regarding hormonal testing and whether or not it was helpful. I've been trying to convince her to get a second opinion with my own GYN but it's hard when she's so drained from symptoms she can barely get out of bed.
• Her psychiatrist isn't interested in getting her on a different mood stabilizer. She tried others when she was first diagnosed bipolar and the only one that worked was lithium. However, she's on a subtherapeutic dose and I really don't feel that's doing much. Did any brain-altering medications help you? (Note: western medicine only, weed and shrooms are not an option.)
• She's phobic about acupuncture so that's a no-go but have any other alternative therapies helped you?

And this question is for me. For those of you who felt like you hated your spouses, were sick of them, wanted them gone...were you able to get past it? Did you love them again? Asking for a friend. I'm crying as I type this. She's my main priority in life, we've been together thirteen years. And no matter how much she seems to not love or want me, I don't know how to stop loving her. My stomach is always in knots, I can't sleep, I cry constantly. I want the love of my life back.

Warning, very long and confusing post ahead:
On 4/20 I found out im pregnant with my second, after taking a test at home. (first is now 8, almost 9). Without all the details, I am not in the same place mentally, emotionally, etc that I was while pregnant with my first. I was younger and not in a healthy relationship, but I did have more help from friends and family, and financially I was in a better place. I was scared then too, but no where near as unprepared and scared as I was finding out this time. Of course I’d hoped I would be in a better position in life and stronger and better and all the things.. if I ever had another child, but to put it lightly, life throws curveballs, and all that… and the last two years especially, taught me that life is not a linear, continually uphill path. There will be some tumbling back down and starting over… so to speak. So without going on and on, I ended up deciding to seek help with figuring out what I wanted to do because I was very unsure.
my periods have been irregular for well over a year, I had attributed it to stress. I only took a test because I had some symptoms, I’m not on birth control, so I knew it was a possibility. (please refrain from judging/ lecturing. The how and why is very complicated, and this story is going to be long enough.. and I’m doing what I need to, to address it all) but I wasn’t doing a great job of tracking anything and I’m embarrassed to say I wasn’t and am still not exactly sure how far along I might be. I had routine care while I was pregnant with my first, but found out early, because my period was like clockwork then, so 2 days late I had tested positive. I went to one of the only places available in my area at the time, and I didn’t have a great experience, but I also didn’t really question whether I was going to go through with the pregnancy, and just went straight to prenatal care. I had blood testing done finding out I was 3-4 weeks initially, and then a normal ultrasound at 8 weeks, and regularly from then on.
So this was my first experience with abortion/ family planning clinics and my first time being unsure of when I actually got pregnant, which left me both nervous and driving myself insane with scenarios. And the other stress in my life is just amplifying it.
The day of my appointment (4/29) I was running late and so I called to let them know. I quickly googled the number of the place, when I realized I couldn’t find it in my phone, from scheduling it the week before. A woman answered, she was friendly but told me I wasn’t in their system or scheduled for that day. I quickly realized I called the wrong number, and started to apologize. The two clinics are on the same street. She was still being very nice and started telling me they could see me anyway, that day, and even started saying they could do an ultrasound if I wanted, I didn’t even need to worry about having insurance. I said no thank you. I was suspicious, but not fully aware yet of who I had even accidentally called. I told her no thank you and-hurried and called the correct office, that I had initially booked an appt with. they were overbooked that day as it was, and apologized, but they couldn’t push my appt any later and had to reschedule for a couple days later.
My anxiety, and desperation to get some answers, coupled with pressure on myself and stress, led me to call the other clinic, back.
They were happy to get me in, and I showed up. I started putting pieces together on the way over, and confirmed my suspicions when I walked in and saw the Bible verses on the walls. I started to change my mind and was preparing myself to leave but started convincing myself maybe these clinics weren’t as corrupt as I had heard, and that maybe the horror stories were just that. Maybe I was being dramatic, I was just stressed, these women were nice, etc blah blah
They asked for a urine sample and the woman who introduced herself as a nurse and another woman, appeared, but didn’t introduce herself, and had me sit in a room, them across from me, like an interview. They had notepads and internally I start freaking out at this point and I am about to get up and leave because everything now feels incredibly off, but the woman asks if I took a home test, I say yes. She looks at me , smiling “How did you feel, when you saw that positive test.?” I was already visibly nervous and upset at that point and so when she asked that it felt very invasive. I started to explain that I wasn’t oblivious to what they were doing and said I’d like them to stop. They backed off some and started back tracking, asking if I wanted to just get the ultrasound done, for my peace of mind. I definitely should have left, but like I said, my headspace was STRESSED and extremely anxious and I just WANTED to KNOW something. It didn’t even occur to me they might lie about what was on the ultrasound, or anything. I don’t know why it didn’t, but I know I wasn’t thinking clearly at all, and while I had started accepting that they would pressure me into keeping the pregnancy, I started trying to rationalize that I didnt think it was legal for them to do an ultrasound, a medical exam, if they weren’t qualified to do so?…. I still have so many questions and didn’t realize how little I knew about my own rights, and the legal aspects surrounding these things, until now.
I was showed a screen, (not the one the nurse used, she kept that turned to get the entire time) and showed me a normal enough seeming ultrasound. She did one on my stomach and one internally. I didn’t see a noticeable baby, just a sac… I did think I saw flickering, like when I saw my firsts heartbeat, at one point, but she moved the wand away and didn’t speak almost the entire time, never pointing anything out. I know this sounds so stupid but I assumed it was another organ? Or glitching maybe I don’t know…she apologized for being quiet, said she “had to concentrate.” She finally tells me what feels like 5 years later, I look to be 5 weeks 0 days. I take her word for it. I’m pretty overwhelmed. The other woman, (counselor, nurse, stranger????) was in the room the entire time, sitting behind me. Again I’m realizing how absurd this is now that I’m replaying it, and I’m mortified, but it happened and now here I am. Looking back they were uncomfortably quiet, and offered no reassurance really. But then as I’m preparing to leave, while I’m just going through the motions and lost in my thoughts, they tell me they want to try to hear the heartbeat next week, they’re sure they’ll be able to then. They’re almost like, giddy, lose any air of “professionalism” and hand me a box wrapped in a pink bow, that I opened at home and found out had a newborn onesie inside, that said “best gift ever.”
I’m still reeling. This was 2 Weeks ago. I’m upset. I feel stupid. I’m confused and feel like I was taken advantage of, in a way. And worst of all, I am now second guessing everything I thought I “found out.” The ultrasound picture they gave me, was cut off at the top. There is no date, time, name or gestational weeks.. I didn’t go to the follow up appointment, and instead scheduled an appointment with the office I went to for my first pregnancy. But I didn’t tell them what happened or that i had an ultrasound done already, I just told them the date of the positive test, and last suspected period. (Even though, with suspicious clinic saying 5 Weeks- that would mean I had a “period” after I was already pregnant- which is what led me to wonder if I was further along) couldn’t get me in until next week, when, if I go off of the ultrasound, would make me 9 weeks. Normal timing to be seen but I have been on a mental rollercoaster.
I feel like I’ve “popped” this past week, I have a noticeable bump, and everything just feels very off. I have been so depressed and confused I haven’t tried to get any help sooner because I’m just ashamed. But it is worrying me to death that maybe they lied, and my ultrasound was a fake, and I’ve now waited too long to have a choice. I think I decided I want to go through with this anyway, but I now wonder how much of my decision is being influenced by what happened? Pregnancy hormones are already difficult, my life has been chaos and while I think I’m making the decision based on my own choice, I’m not sure I can even trust myself and my decision making anymore after all this confusion… I really need any advice, guidance, support I don’t know. Am I being paranoid? Am I losing it? Is it unlikely a pro life clinic would really go that far?… I’m under too much stress to know what may just be me overreacting, and what is genuinely a concern, and what to do about it all either way. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you