My friends hot mom sunbathing

Hi all, I’ll try to give context and keep it not long. Throwaway because my real handle is obvious and could be easily figured out who we are.
As the title mentions, I (33F) have been in a loving, committed relationship with my partner (36M) for seven years. I never thought I’d be with someone like him, but since I met him I felt like we clicked. We got along amazingly, and we started a beautiful, loving relationship. Of course, like every relationship we’ve had our ups and downs, but we seemed to find a way to work out our issues in a healthy way.
Kinda early on on our relationship, while we took a weekend on the countryside, I asked him about marriage, if it was important to him, something he might consider in the future, because to me it was important and something I most definitely wanted to do if the right person came along. He told me that it could be, although he didn’t support the social construct behind it.
Through the years, we’ve had a conversation around it a few times. There was always a reason not to go through with it. He’s been working on a project for some years (it’s kind of like a long thing, don’t want to go into much detail), and that has always been a priority. I actually fully support what he’s working on; so much that I became part of the team (even though I had not studied anything related to that, but I’ve learned along the way). When he first started it, he told me: “I want us to be together, I love you, I think we are it. This thing might take some time, I just ask you to please bear with me on this.” I told him I would, that I also saw us that way. I’ve always meant what I said that day.
This project has taken longer that anyone anticipated. It’s being successful, and kind of close to being done, but along the way it has taken a huge emotional toll on all of us. It’s just so much time working on the same thing for so long that it’s draining. The problem is that I’ve also come to resent him some because I feel like he’s always put this (or something else) as a priority over us growing as a couple, or taking next steps in our relationship. It took us years to move in together (despite us already sharing our days together either at his place or mine anyway).
After a year of living together I figured, hey, it’s not like I need a proposal at all. I just thought, this feels so right, I’m excited to begin our life as a married couple and in December ’22 (after a year of living together) I proposed (no pun intended) we consider getting married by the end of next year. Seemed like the right time (we’d been together for 6 years) and most of our close friends would likely be in the city for the holidays, so great time to host some kind of party! He responded that it was maybe too soon, that he wanted to work more on himself first (physical and emotional, which I also fully support!), and that he wanted to actually propose to me at some point.
Not going to lie, it was a blow.
So we’ve been continued living together, moved to a different apt, travelled with our team for our project, and life has been ok. But I think I’ve been struggling with feeling inadequate and unappreciated (unloved?) for some months now. Seeing friends, and friends of his getting engaged to their partners (some having dated for way less, not judging, just puts me in perspective of time), just gets me sad. I do feel happy for the couple, just sad for myself.
Today I just had the worst morning imaginable. Sad, crying. I talked to my best friends, even my mom. And their reaction to me feeling like this tells me I might not be overreacting, that my feelings are valid and that I clearly need to figure out stuff.
Sorry for the clearly not short post, but I’m asking if anyone’s ever felt like this, and if so, can they suggest what to say to him to hopefully get a reaction? I love him and hope that this can work out, I’m just not sure I can stay in this limbo much longer for my own wellbeing.
TL;DR: I’ve been with my partner for seven years, and despite talking about the importance of marriage for me years ago, and throughout our time together, even kind of proposing a couple of years ago, there’s always been a reason not to do it. I want to say something to him that can make him realize that he has to take this into consideration or perhaps we should… break up? Feels like too small a concept for such a long, deep relationship. But that’s kinda it.
Thank you all for reading.

Title says it all. I am an introvert with anxiety and I am hot headed, usually just on my own, but it creeps in sometimes even with other people, despite my shyness. Recently I have had depression, and I think the fact that I haven't had more than a couple of friends for around 4 years is a massive reason.
My very first best friend, I stopped being friends with for a while. By some coincidence, we became friends again in high school. Over time, another person we were both mates with joined the group, and I went in rough playing football and both friends blanked me from then.
Second best friend, as we made the jump to high school we stopped talking as much. One day years later we were put together in Maths, which should have been a great opportunity to rekindle our friendship, but of course, I cannot function as a proper human. I basically sat there and said nothing the whole class for a whole year like we were complete strangers.
First girl-friend (not romantic, don't think I'm capable, just a friend who is a girl). She SH'd, I did too. I'm not proud of that time in my life. But we were very close, we face timed for hours every day. First part of me slightly fucking it was when I confessed feelings for her that weren't reciprocated. And the one that really ruined it was making fun of who she chose as her crush, and then during an argument telling her something along the lines 'you say I saved you from killing yourself why didn't you do it' or something.
Finally, someone I had been on and off with as a friend throughout school, but I turned to him when everyone else left and he took me in. Since leaving high school we don't see each other in real life anymore but we text very rarely on Instagram and he keeps saying we should meet up. He never makes plans, maybe he thinks it's because I'm not interested, I'm not sure.
But basically, what is wrong with me? And how do I make friends now that I have left school and college?

i feel like i've been facing a moral dilemma when it comes to my aunts and how i do not wish to have a close relationship with them or hang out with them one on one. i'm not sure if it's normal to be friends with your older relatives and hang out so i don't really know what to do.
for some context, i'm 24 and my mom has twin sisters who are in their 50's, got married recently and don't have kids. they're very opinionated & uptight people and have always been very vocal about all their personal issues & regrets in life. every time i see them, they just trauma dump on me and hardly listen when i speak. they are rude to my dad bc their personalities clash, they're rude to their parents and treat them disrespectfully & like they are children, and they have also started arguments with my sister who is 28 over the dumbest things. they're also the type to point out if something im wearing isn't to their liking or to comment on my weight or how "little" i eat. there are literally so many other things i could list but in other words, they're not the most pleasant people to be around, and i have no desire to be close with them.
i still love them and care about them and i do see them on average maybe every 2 months at some sort of family gathering. i follow them on social media and am in a large groupchat where everyone texts frequently. to me, this feels like more than enough contact for the relationship i'd want to have with them.
however, pretty much every time i see them, they always mention wanting to hang out with me one on one and i never know how to respond because i don't want to. then they'll text me to say the same thing and i usually just agree to hanging out with them because that's the easiest.
i guess what i'm wondering is, am i in the wrong for feeling this way? is it normal for aunts to want to be this close to their nieces? should i keep agreeing to hanging out with them or should i gently let them down and stick to seeing them at family gatherings? i don't know if anyone has ever had a similar experience but any advice would be welcome

(sorry, english is not my first language, aaaand little mention of domestic violence) I (16F) feel a little bit selfish sometimes cuz ive been ignoring all my fathers attempts to reconnect in a healthy way. here is some context:
i used to live with 5 people, 6 counting me, my great grandmother (deceased) my grandmother, mom, dad and big brother, my mom and dad used to fight a lot, they usually did it because of the way dad treated bro and me, i dont want to write the whole backstory of my dad but in a few words, his childhood was terrible, he was poor and her mom (like the real latina mom that she is) raised him and his sibling in a more old-fashioned way, so my dad was (I still believe he is) a very violent person, like fighting every single person that would say something about my uncles or his economical situation. So, he used to threaten us that he would hit us, mostly me (from what I remember, honestly, I dont have many positives memories of my childhood) but it never went beyond a few slaps in my legs, back or head, i mean, it could have been worse and even using objects to hit me yk? well this and many other actions made my great grandmother defend us, and this made my mother reproach my father more, so their fights continued. so blabla one day they were fighting, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and since I was a daddy's girl I hated my mom for a while and my dad (like the fucking manipulative man that he is) played victim and said that my mom, grandma and great grandma were bad people and more stupid things, so now you can understand the type of person he is, WELL HE CAME BACK, mom, what was on your mind???? and well the same shit happened ok THIS IS IMPORTANT STAY WITH ME:
I don't really remember what happened, but of course my great grandmother was discussing with my dad, then my grandma enter in scene and okay I don't really know I was like 10 at moment(ik im 16 but I have a really bad memory :b) but my dad said something like "I hope she die soon" (he was referring to my great grandma) and ofc my grandma went crazy and my mom was discussing too and oh surprise bye daddy nooo why does he have to left THERE WAS PURE CHAOS IN MY HOUSE OH GOD. my mom (A NON VIOLENT PERSON) almost slapped my brother like, for the anger she was living in that moment (I mean who doesn't) and well I was crying and yeah, that was the last time my dad set a foot in this house.
In the next years (this was 2019 OH I FORGOT SOMETHING my great grandmother died a few months after my dad left, so my grandma HATES my dad like she can't even look at him, but anyway my great grandmother was 93 I believe when she left us and she had a lot illnesses so I hope shes doing better somewhere) well in like, 2020 to 2022 I had a "good" relationship with my dad, but he always did this like, he stopped talking to me, and obviously a little girl need her father so at the moment I needed him he came back to me and stuff, well this kind of relationship we got, aaaand he was maybe questionable with big bro cuz he said thing like "oh yeah when you have children and be happy with your wife and kids this is what is going to happen to you" like bitch bffr how can you tell YOUR SON that??? it's so disrespectful, and with me well he always said "when you grow older you're going to understand this" ofc I understood it long time ago.
so now, last year and this year, I haven't talked to him, I don't want to, he really hurt me and idk why he can't fucking understand the level of damage? like you're the fucking adult bitch be serious, he always behaved like a little child, I realized many thing at 14 and my dad stills seeing me like the little girl that one time used to love him (omg im gonna cry) I would really love to have a good relationship with him and be the same like we were when I was a kid, but my therapist told me that if a person with his age (52 I think) doesn't change his behavior, and says "no I change, I'm a new person now" it's because he's not going to change never, and he really proven it so many times.
i stayed with that, with the pain in my heart but it's the best for me and my mental health, now my dad is a believer (always has been but now is like more) and I think he is going to therapy, of course he wants to reconnect with me and it's valid, but i don't want to, i dont want him to hurt me again, he is like negativity to me, and im really stressed and my head spins with everything happening in my life (my gf, my school, friends, economical situation, my study tour, etc). he stills texting me everyday hoping that someday im going to respond, but im not, or at least, not for now.

Title says it all. I am an introvert with anxiety and I am hot headed, usually just on my own, but it creeps in sometimes even with other people, despite my shyness. Recently I have had depression, and I think the fact that I haven't had more than a couple of friends for around 4 years is a massive reason.
My very first best friend, I stopped being friends with for a while. By some coincidence, we became friends again in high school. Over time, another person we were both mates with joined the group, and I went in rough playing football and both friends blanked me from then.
Second best friend, as we made the jump to high school we stopped talking as much. One day years later we were put together in Maths, which should have been a great opportunity to rekindle our friendship, but of course, I cannot function as a proper human. I basically sat there and said nothing the whole class for a whole year like we were complete strangers.
First girl-friend (not romantic, don't think I'm capable, just a friend who is a girl). She SH'd, I did too. I'm not proud of that time in my life. But we were very close, we face timed for hours every day. First part of me slightly fucking it was when I confessed feelings for her that weren't reciprocated. And the one that really ruined it was making fun of who she chose as her crush, and then during an argument telling her something along the lines 'you say I saved you from killing yourself why didn't you do it' or something.
Finally, someone I had been on and off with as a friend throughout school, but I turned to him when everyone else left and he took me in. Since leaving high school we don't see each other in real life anymore but we text very rarely on Instagram and he keeps saying we should meet up. He never makes plans, maybe he thinks it's because I'm not interested, I'm not sure.
But basically, what is wrong with me? And how do I make friends now that I have left school and college?

30yr old female, ten years in the military, single mom, lots of trauma.
I am currently going through the process of being diagnosed with Bipolar II.
I am reaching out because I have spent precious hours or sleep and working hours (called off) reading this reddit bipolar2. I'm has made so much sense to me, especially some of the Posts that made so much sense it felt like it was about me.
I have been treated for mental health since 2013. (19/20yr) It started in the navy after I had a sexual trauma. I was having anxiety attacks, I couldn't be in the workshop without feeling anxiety so intense I was either going to cry rage or run to the bathroom and hide while I try to calm myself. They started me on Prozac and at the time it helped with the anxiety attacks. But I still had high anxiety and I have had depression episodes that felt never ending. The navy doctors never diagnosed me due to certain diagnosis could effect your job. So they would say things like adjustment disorder (which is only 6 months) or traits of BPD, generalized anxiety and depression, and they would test my most severe symptoms. I always thought it was weird that they're giving me drugs before an diagnosis. Even now that I'm a veteran and using the VA it's the same issue. I'm getting a certain set of drug options.
It feels like ok you can have a turkey sandwich, ham, chicken, but those are the options. You can try the turkey with the ham. They would only offer me antidepressants and I have been on almost every single one except paxil and amitriptyline (which I would have happily tried since I have stomach issues too)
Fast forward to now. I have mostly been effected by anxiety and depression. I'll be anxious so much so that I go numb. I don't care about anything. I just want to sleep. I don't do hygiene well(which boggles my brain since I usually have to take one before work and one before bed, due to my trauma I feel a layer of filth that won't go away with a shower) I do the bare minimum for myself and even my kid. The anxiety is constant. My mind is always racing. I used to say it feels like I'm in a racquet ball court and there's thousands of balls bouncing and ricocheting in the glass box. Now I've learned it's called FOI. The difference between the anxiety and depression for me is I can be anxious and not depressed. But my anxiety causes me to be depressed and it can last months. Sometimes it feels like years. It's like sometimes my depression is louder than the anxiety and sometimes my anxiety is louder. It's like my psyche can't handle the anxiety and so it just switches off.
This has effected my family my job and my relationships both friends and boyfriend.
I will feel like I'm not myself.
Things I love I can't motivate myself enough to go enjoy like being outside or swimming. Not even for my kid. It's awful.
I have had a lot of traumatic experience as a child, I.e. physical, emotional, verbal and sexual, both to me and my brother and mom. Because of the abuse it is assumed I might have PTSD or BPD by the doctor I was seeing at the time. But I didn't feel like I had all of the specifiers for either of those. Plus I've had trauma at such a young age it's hard to know what's normal for me and what's not.
By the time I was in my mid twenties I had several patterns of severe depression periods and everytime I came out of the depression I thought I was "cured" the antidepressants were helping, the consistent lifestyle that's now structured is helping, etc. And I would be so relieved from the crushing depression that I didn't question or think about the energy I was having or if it's weird that I traded the depression for other issues like spending too much money, dating men too fast or not in a healthy manner, I was just relieved to be social and going out of my house. I thought I was making bad decisions because I'm a piece of shit and need to try harder to be decent. I'd clean my house, do more things for my kid, basically function like an adult, if not a little extreme.
The times I had a new doctor and they did the generic screening questions I always felt like the bipolar was too extreme for me to fit. My best friend is bipolar and I was not as intense as her. Same as my ex-husband. So I didn't think I was possibly bipolar.
But in my mid twenties, I was starting to wonder why I wasn't getting better, why do I have there ups and downs, it feels like a cycle or a pattern (not a pattern that makes sense)
I asked my doctor if the depression was resistant and I asked why the meds weren't working. I have ADHD (possibly just whatever mental health disorder causing ADHD symptoms?)so I would ask the doctor if maybe the ADHD was causing/manifesting the anxiety or exacerbated it. I read ADHD can make you more susceptible to anxiety and depression.
Basically a lot of Mental health issues share a lot ofbtje same symptoms. I read about the personality disorders and clusters A,B and C. I read the dsm 5 tr specifiers for mood disorders and other mental health issues.
With the help of dsm 5, the specifiers made me realize I have more to my mind than just anxiety and depression.
I'm currently waiting on an extensive screening with the VA to see what's going on.
The nurse practitioner I'm seeing now thinks it could be bipolar II. I hope it's not but I also feel like if it's a diagnosis that can help my treatment then fine. At this point I just want to feel better.
I've been diagnosed with ADHD, traits of BPD, generalized anxiety and depression, PTSD. Most of these didn't feel like they fit me. I would be depressed and that depression would crush me and make me not take care of myself or my home or I was moving so fast, up and about being the Energizer Bunny until I burned myself out and then I was back to being useless.
The DSM 5 specifiers pointed out that I had more than just the anxiety and depression. Some for major depression disorder (MDD), I did see why they might see traits of BPD since I had childhood trauma and there's some patterns of changing jobs and relationships. But I don't feel like I have a lot of fear from abandonment and my moods feel more like I don't have control of them. BPD seems more like your thoughts control your moods and feelings but for me I feel more like I'm being jerked around. I'll start to have energy and the depression lifts to boom, I'm depressed again don't want to shower work or socialize. It's horrible and makes me feel like I'm a horrible person.
I'm hoping by expressing my concern of the pattern/ cycle of depression and anxiety more similar to the hypomania and depression to my provider that the treatment could shift towards a new treatment that's more appropriate.
Right now the provider and I suspect it could be bipolar II. She started me on vraylar but I'm waiting for the VA to approve the prescription. She told me to stop taking the Zoloft 100mg I'm on(which normally I would titrate so I don't have effects from stopping suddenly). I'm having a nervous breakdown. Like I was bad before and now stopping the Zoloft is like gasoline on my mood. I'm not going to work I'm so anxious. So I went to the walk in clinic at the VA and they put me on a low dose of Seroquel. That has been hard. I'm on day two and I'm so out of it and lethargic I slept all day. I didn't go to work. I missed a week and a day. They know a little of what's going on but I know I'm on thin ice, if I don't get my shit together and go back to work soon I'm probably going to be fired.
Right now I'm kind of hoping this reddit could explain some of their personal experiences with getting diagnosed and the treatments they've tried. Especially people with childhood trauma or sexual trauma as a young adult, parents that were alcoholics, abusive, negligent or created unstable homelifes.

Just got out of my first (and only) casual conq match of the day. Our jungler started typing mini essays and it was then i knew it was over.
Anyways, i didn’t do so hot, oh well. Go next, move on. Nah. The enemy carry (who was on PC, I’m on Xbox) then proceeds to search me out and message me through Xbox for a good 30 minutes to gloat.
Dude was giving off ‘moms basement’ vibes the entire time and tried to make it seem like i was obsessed with them (they messaged first, but we’ll ignore that).
Anyways, some of y’all are unhinged. It’s just a game, leave people be.

So, I’ve been keeping track on the good things I’ve been trying to do for myself and what has happened and I figured I can share that with you guys too!

1. I’m stopping my doomscrolling! I know it’s okay to focus on the news ( politics included ) but my mind wasn’t entirely the best whenever I’d read a post or see a video or even looking up recent news because it would send me into a deep spiral. So far, I’ve been really good at not doom scrolling and if I need news then I can ask family and friends if I need to - it might sound ignorant but I feel more comfortable choosing to do that.
   
2. I recently got back into crosswords! I used to do them with my mom and since her passing, I decided to get back into it again
   
3. I’m gonna be an Aunt to a boy! I’ll officially have a niece and a nephew that’ll be here in July;
   

My only debatable good news is that I’m looking into online school and I’m still seeing a family therapist for my anxiety. Maybe if I get into an online class that it’ll keep me busy and even get back into writing too!

I’ve been debating posting this since the person this is related to is on Reddit but at this point, I’m desperate for perspectives on my feelings regarding the situation so here goes.
My ex recently got into a relationship which initially was a shock to me but the feelings towards that passed because one, everything else in my life went sideways immediately following this revelation and two, we’ve been friends longer than we’ve been involved romantically and based on everything we’ve been through together, I valued our friendship more than what could have been between us.
Initially upon revealing his new partner, he said he wanted to remain close friends but then his tune switched literally overnight about a month later and he said he no longer was wanting that which has hurt me deeply. I found out that his new partner was already moved in and based on his timeline the relationship is less than 3 months old but this to me has been puzzling because I’ve known him for 5 years and to move that quickly is unlike his character.
Moreover weeks before him telling me, I asked him whether he was in a relationship and if he was planning on seeking out one because admittedly the trajectory my life was on, I could see being better for us rekindling (distance has been the main issue and I could close the gap seeing as there would no longer be anything tying me down to where I currently live and my home life wasn’t good anyways).
Anyways, that’s not what I’m upset about. I’m extremely hurt and I feel like I’ve been an emotional crutch to him for the past few years because I have been there for him through everything and always left room on my plate to tend to his needs. I completely understand I am no longer a priority in his life but 5 years of knowing each other, sharing memories, and going through difficult times and I’m immediately tossed to side has left me feeling sour.
I am not some vindictive ex and I would never do anything to compromise his relationships because if you asked me a few weeks ago, I would have said he deserves to be happy. However, now I feel hurt and I’m not sure if it’s because this is the second time in a few years where someone I’ve known for a long time and have especially poured a lot of energy into helping them through tough times has just pushed me out for some new person that came along.
I spoke to his mom and she said he’ll always care for me but I feel like this isn’t how you treat someone you care about. She even talked about how she’s still best of friends with the guy she dated around my age and now gets on well with his wife. I get life changes but I could never imagine icing him out of my life the way he did to me. I always figured we’d find new partners but after everything we’ve been through we wouldn’t cut contact and basically turn to acquaintances.
It’s making me question myself, my worth, the entire history of our relationship and whether I ever meant anything to him. This is a lot but this has hurt me tremendously. I’ve gone through losing relationships but this feels like betrayal to me.

Hi guys, I always feel just a smidge better after posting so I’ll go ahead and debrief where my current state of mind is.
I’m 26 F, personal injury lawyer. I love being a plaintiffs lawyer, fighting big insurance companies. Cause fuck them ya know. I’ve done this for 6 years and just became licensed about 1.5 yrs ago. I work part time because tbh the job was draining me mentally and emotionally. And I feel like I have a perfect balance. One day the firm I work for will go full time but tbh I’m trying to keep that at bay as long as I can. I can do everything I need to timely.
I am currently going through fertility treatment. It’s sad bc I never in my life thought that I would have to undergo treatment to have a baby. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS which is very common but it’s brought on a slew of medical bills and just bad thoughts. Esp because my family used to joke that I was the career lady, not destined to have kids. I’ve kind of made my peace with that narrative but I can’t wait to have a baby! I’m a cancer and I know that my life will be so much more purposeful, and I’ll feel more confident as a woman
I love my fiancé so much. He is a genuine sweet person, so smart and patient. But he can be a little cold sometimes. I’m actively trying to accept that he chose me and I chose him. I don’t want to second guess myself or him or our relationship but. I feel like Ive been doing so much of that. Idk if it’s because of my upbringing (my mom was very unstable and I adopted a lot of those traits, drinking and drugs at an early age) or were incompatible or just too many things going on at on time this season.
Additionally, my circle feels smaller than ever. I was a cheerleader for 11 years. Then law school and once I graduated, it’s like my imaginary audience or friends disappeared. I’m solo dolo. It’s funny what the ego can do to you.
I’m just a young lady trying her best. But I often feel lost and/ or alone. And I realize that no one cares. 😔/😃
Trying to get more confidence. But honestly my relationship has set me back a ton. I can’t wait to feel like a boss bitch again. Pleasssseee god /universe 🙏🏽

I (19F) work as a before + after school counselor at an elementary school. It’s my first job ever, and I started last August. My supervisor (25M) has been very touchy with male students. (He is gay and single as well and acts this way with male students only).
He will play with their hair, tickle them, pick them up, sit them on his lap, lay down with them while playing with their hair, basically cuddling them. The children’s ages range from kindergarten (5) to fifth grade (10).
The student he says he has the most attachment to is a fifth grader (10M) that he met in third grade when he first moved to that site as a supervisor. He will actively seek that child to watch his grade activities during after care, he will call that child up to the sign-out and let the child use his (supervisor’s) own phone, while cuddling.
The parents of this child seem to be aware, from the interactions I’ve seen and heard, but they don’t seem concerned at all. This happens daily.
All of my past coworkers have not mentioned it at all. However, all the students know that that child is his favorite. A month ago, I got a new coworker (21F) who became like a friend to me. Today we were talking, and she brought up the topic of that fifth-grader. She told me how sketchy it seems as the supervisor will always be walking and hugging him. Not even five minutes later, our supervisor comes and sits down with us to chat with us. He mentions how sad he is that the fifth-grader is moving to middle school and leaving. He says on Friday he will be “attached by his side” and “crying, so pretend like he’s not the supervisor for the day.” My coworker and I look at each other. The supervisor then continues to say that he mentioned to the student if he doesn’t leave early tomorrow after graduation, he will buy the child ice cream and keep him in the front with him all afternoon. The mom then agreed and the child as well, according to the supervisor. Supervisor also said that he will pick up the child early from middle school just to hangout with him and take him for ice cream, or bring him back to the elementary school to stay with him.
Should I report this? It’s been happening all year, but this is the first time another coworker mentioned something.
Who do I report this to? The supervisor is friends with all the directors, and I’m scared of reporting, but nothing happens because I’m overreacting and then everyone knows I reported. The organization that we work for has STRICT rules on no hugging, touching, especially tickling or laying down with a student. The supervisor and I attended meetings together with that same topic.
What do I do??? Please help.

I've been in a really dark place for a long time. I've been entangled with the thought that i just need to leave, i need to get away, i have nowhere to go but I've been so miserable i feel like everyone would be better off without me and i just want to snap my fingers and have it all end bc i am so unhappy i don't have to do it anymore. Then my friend(not a close friend, but a fb friend who I have never met in real life and I'm sure doesn't think about me twice though i like and comment all the time) had her son take his life. She's been so open about her pain, her love for him, the loss of him, her journey... and i have hearted everything she posts but said little, just firm support through the phone screens. I've been devastated for her but i also cannot stop thinking about how him doing that snapped me awake. I never want my family to hurt the way she's hurting. Sometimes i see the other moms who have lost kids comment and thank her for sharing her grief journey and talk about how they survive together and wonder if i should thank her privately for sharing her greif journey bc it reminds me why i stay even when i don't want to. But i haven't bc I'm scared that's hurtful.. .wibtah if i told her? Is that something you keep to yourself? I'm not great at social interaction.

Hey Reddit, sorry in advance for the long post.
I don’t know if I want advice or someone to tell me to get my shit together. I (24F) had a crush on my friend, “Sarah” (24F). We’re both bi/queer, and everyone kept telling me they thought she was flirting with me. I did too, because she’d do and say things like “you’re so distracting” and borderline flirty stuff like that.
We also went out alone twice on what felt like dates. It’s 1000% my fault for not clarifying if we were just hanging out, so I know this whole thing is on me.
Well, it turns out she thought it was friendly (if you’re wlw you’ll understand my pain lol) and let me down very kindly and gently. I totally respected it, and got over it. I read signals wrong, and she has a hard time with social cues and always being perceived as flirty.
Long story short, I got back into it and let myself daydream about it. I know it’s a bad idea, especially since I was turned down, but I had no intention of acting on it and I could t help it.
Well last week after not seeing her for almost a month (she’s in school for a PhD) she came in telling me about this hookup with a girl from her class. She went into light detail all about how hot and pretty the girl is, how hot and fun the hookup was, and how they’re going on a date. Made me wanna die.
It’s not her fault, and I feel like a jerk for being upset. We never had any mutual romantic feelings or encounters, and I 1000% respect her wanting to be friends. It just stings to hear about this other girl and selfishly and u fairly wonder what she has that I don’t.
It’s not her fault she doesn’t like me that way. And how would she know I still like her? I’m not going to tell her because it’ll ruin our friendship. But I’m not sure I can be around d her right now hearing about this perfect girl.
I don’t know, I guess advice from people who’ve been through this? How do I support her and get over my own feelings? I hate feeling so selfish and wondering what I could have done different even though I know that’s not how attraction works.
TLDR: liked a friend, got rejected. Like her again, all she can talk about is her most recent hookup and how they’re going to start going on dates. Feelings go ouch.

My dad got his right leg amputated a couple of months ago and he just got his left one done last week too (both above knee). He's 63, overweight, and has a comical amount of other health issues (on dialysis, 3 heart valves, ex diabetic, GERD, there's a tube i think in his arm but im not sure what that's related to). My mom and I help him but shes pretty old as well (53) with an existing back injury and i'm 16f + pretty short so im not very strong either. With his one leg it was pretty easy to get him in and out of the car and he could even go to the bathroom alone, but ever since his other leg got cut off life has just been bleak.
I should mention that after his second leg amputation, he spent maybe a day or so in the hospital then immediately left without any physical therapy. He still refuses to get physical therapy even after my mom and I repeatedly beg him to as it would make all of our lives easier. He says its because he doesn't want his job to fire him (he is the sole breadwinner in the house, works remotely, yes i feel horrible that he goes through so much and still works to support us so im working on getting money myself) but I feel like its more than that. He's the type of person that doesn't want to need help, and he got into an argument with my mom at the hospital over her wanting him to do the 10 days in therapy which included him saying she "just wants to send him to the old person home."
Even though its hard for us to move him around, we mostly have no problem helping him all day everyday. I do schooling online to stay at home to help and my mom quit her job when he health started to deteriorate at a concerning rate. I mostly stay in the house anyway since I moved away from all my friends like 2 years ago and I don't want anything to happen if i were to leave. The problem is that every day its an argument that just ends in me and my mom crying. My dad isn't abusive at all but he's very argumentative, and isn't really considerate to the people that care for him, even talking down and yelling at the nurses that care for him in the hospital. I just don't know what to do anymore when everyday I wake up feeling disappointed that there's another day I have to get through when my eyes still sting from the day before. I know I'm not the one suffering the most when my dad literally has no legs, but I guess its just difficult.
Is there anything we should do to help him make do until he can get a prosthetic for his right leg? I think him having at least one prosthetic would make a world of difference, but i know that you need physical therapy to even learn how to walk on them (plus im guessing it takes a long time to get one). Since he refuses therapy/treatment so much would it be possible for the prosthetic to just be something for him to stand on when transferring to the bed or toilet? Or would he still need therapy to even learn how to do that?
Any advice would make me happy and thanks for listening to my sob story :D

My girlfriend and I were together for 2 years and had a very happy relationship together. We spent almost too much time together and with each others families to the point where we were together every day of the week almost. In december, she began to become distant and cold towards me, and I could tell something was off. She wasn’t as interested in me and it was clear she was getting bored. She broke up with me a few weeks later and told me “she didn’t feel the same spark” anymore. I immediately made the terrible mistake of begging her to stay with me and telling her I’d do anything to not lose her because of how dependent on her I was, which just pushed her away even more. We ended up being very on and off over the next following months. Everytime I left her alone, she would end up texting me telling me she misses me and wants me back and regrets leaving, and everytime I took her back, it wouldn’t take long for her to get cold again and leave me. It’s like she only wanted me when I left her alone, but as soon as she got me back she didn’t want me anymore.
She’d tell me that she wasn’t breaking up with me to get with any other guys, and that she was going to “save herself” for me and continue to be “loyal” so that we could one day get back together and “do things right” according to her and that she just needed space right now. I started to learn about the fact that she was texting and talking to several different guys, and once I realized she was just playing me I decided to leave her alone for a while. We didn’t talk for about a month, which is the longest we ever went without being in contact. Then she randomly contacted me and we ended up speaking in person, where she started crying in my arms saying she regrets leaving me, and the reason she left was because she was getting attention from guys in her school and wanted to be experience being free and single, as I was her first every boyfriend and first experience with men in general so she didn’t know what that life was like and she wanted a taste of it. I asked her if she did things with guys and she said she kissed a boy at a party but that was it. We continued talking over the following weeks and she genuinely was showing me that her mindset had changed. This wasn’t like before where she would be hot and cold, she genuinely had a change in mentality and wanted to be with me again and take me seriously. She realized the single life wasn’t all that and wanted me back. So we got back together, and we were together for a couple months and things were great and felt like the old times again.
However, I began to hear rumors from my friends that she had sex with a guy from her class while we were broken up. I asked her about it, and she told me it was a false rumor that sprang up because she took him home from school one day when he needed a ride but that they didn’t do anything. I believed her. Eventually, a mutual friend of ours reached out to me and told me he felt bad for me and told me that they did have sex. I confronted her again, and she admit that they had sex a couple times in January. She confessed that he had been flirting with her while we were still together but she didn’t start entertaining it back until she left me. A few weeks after, she invited him over to her house to have sex and they began having sex often. My heart sank to my stomach. This meant that while I was depressed and trying to save our relationship initially she was getting railed by someone else and I had no idea. Also the fact that she had been lying about it this whole time. She says she was scared to lose me and that’s why she couldn’t be truthful and that it was a mistake that she regrets deeply. She is practically begging me for forgiveness, but I don’t know if I could ever see her the same. I took her virginity, and now she’s been with someone else. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep properly since I found out since I constantly imagine it and throw up. I really love this girl and wish she didn’t do that. I don’t know if I can take her back. How should I proceed?
TL;DR Girlfriend broke up with me, had sex with someone else, got back with me and lied about it and now she wants me to forgive her and stay with her after I found out. I don’t wanna lose her but don’t know if I could be with her.

I (36F) am estranged from my Father. Or more, he quit speaking to me after I tried to hold him accountable for living a double life. Christmas morning of 2020 I saw on my father's phone that he was IG messaging a woman "Melisa" she was saying she was on her way to his hotel room and brought snacks. They told each other "I love you" and had nicknames for one another. This is a problem because my Father had been married to my mother for 40 years and was married to her still at the time. They were high-school sweethearts and he acted like they had a great marriage. He travels to one particular city for 2 weeks each month and that is where Melisa lives. She worked at the hospital where he was a Dr. I didn't say anything that morning because I didn't want to ruin Christmas for my mother and sister (40F). I confronted him the following day, he begged me not to tell my mother and he said he would end it. When I found out later that he did not, I told my mother and sister.
A lot came out following this. My father had been fired from the hospital, and was taking money out of his and my mother's home in order to pretend to my mother that he was still working at the hospital and getting a paycheck. He is a compulsive liar and has told people things including: he was injured in the war (he has never been to war), he played college football (untrue), he funded several companies (also untrue), he's a millionaire (def not true), he was on a Federal govt board of health (of course again untrue), etc. My parents got divorced because of this affair. It was also not the only affair he had during their marriage, as we would also learn.
My father was very abusive to my mother and myself when I was growing up, particularly in highschool (berating, screaming, vicious verbal abuse, gaslighting, threatening, etc). I begged my mom to leave him but she couldn't. My sister didn't experience as much of this because she was in college. I confronted my father after the divorce was final to tell him how unbelievably hurt I was by all of his actions. He said he would try to earn back my trust and rebuild our relationship. He began texting me semi-regularly with simple nice messages. It took a while, but eventually I began responding and telling him bits about my life and opening that door again. In Sept, I took a 3-month job out of the country (and told him so). I was very busy and didn't respond as frequently, however I did still respond. In December we texted off and on and on Christmas Eve and I sent a particular message wishing him a happy holiday. Fast forward the next day to Christmas Day and my father not only sent my sister a lavish gift, but also messaged her and not me. I asked him why and he did not respond. My sister asked him why and he proceeded to tell her that I had NEVER responded to his texts in the last year and that I had abused HIM by not texting him and for the things I said way back when I originally confronted him. Basically, made himself the victim in every which way. I of course, showed my sister all the texts I had sent to him to show her that he was lying about this.
He continues to only message her and has not texted me since that day (Christmas Eve 2023). I am beyond hurt by this, it feels like I am hurt all over again by everything. It makes me angry and sad and in disbelief that after the abuse I went through with him growing up, after the copious amount of lies, the affair, and what he put my mother through (she cried every single day for a year after the divorce and was completely shattered) that he could do this to me. My sister still talks to him via text. This has cause a lot of turmoil for me. My sister and I are EXTREMELY close. We run a business together and are absolutely best friends. But she knows what he has done to me and how much I have been devastated by this. She said that she can't not talk to him because she still wants to have a father. Which I am trying to understand. But how can she want a relationship when she knows how much damage he has done to supposedly the most important person in her life (me, her sister). He also still helps her a bit financially here and there and I know this is partly (perhaps wholly the reason). She has now gotten him a Father's Day present and I don't know how to be ok with this. It feels like her maintaining this surface level relationship with him is a tacit endorsement of his treatment of me. I know he definitely thinks of it as such as well. I am angry at her for this and can't let it go. We spend so much time together and she's still maintaining a relationship with the person who has hurt me immeasurably. AITA for not wanting a relationship with my sister over this, or at the very least taking a massive step back from her? Our friends are divided.

The only place I could escape to is my mom's house two hours away, but both she and my brother living with her are narcissist alcoholics and my brother is emotionally abusive, toxic and explosive just like my husband. It would be one poisonous environment to another. I have no friends to stay with and I'm unemployed with no saavings so I can't find another apartment. Our lease ends next March. I called my local DV but they only have 30 day emergency housing and I refuse to leave my cat behind fearing for his safety.
Please don't call me stupid or anything for this but I believe that my husband loves me he's just such a toxic person. 90% of the time he's nice and puts in the effort which turned into a huge emotional dependence on him. He just explodes when anything happens that bothers him. Including me asking reassurance questions from time to time about him checking out other women on social media because he cheated online in the beginning of the relationship which left me paranoid because he kept it hidden, I was the one who found out after we got married. He yelled at me coming home in a bad mood one day because I was depressed and he threatened divorce even though I did nothing wrong. He has thrown things, punched walls, hurt himself, threatened divorce multiple times over my paranoia, and yelled at me to STFU on several ocassions... the fights are rare now but they still haunt me deeply.
I could seek a PFA but he's been suicidal and has no respect for the law and I do not trust a piece of paper to keep him from stalking me, vandalizing my car, or trying to break into the apartment where I'd be looking over my shoulder until next March.
I just want to be free of this nightmare but all I can think to do is try to hold it together until I get employed and can find a new apartment next year... how have the rest of you managed to survive when leaving right away wasn't an option?

For context of this review, please see: https://www.reddit.com/fragrance/s/J731kuykcC
Floral discovery set
2) Lan Hua
Notes: powdery violet leaf, galbanum; with white orchid, purple flowers, tonka bean and amber, anchored by sandalwood and musk
My review: So I googled and realised that Lan Hua is the Chinese name for magnolia in English. I have no idea how magnolia actually smells like because I have never seen it in real life. Or even if I have, I probably didn't notice it. Flowers are really not my thing.
According to some Chinese websites, Lan Hua is the shortened name of Mu Lan Hua, as in Mulan, the Disney chinese "princess warrior" who is an actual historical character known for pretending to be a man in order to save her elderly father from military conscription and certain death is named after the magnolia flower. It's kind of ironic because in chinese, the magnolia flower symbolises female beauty, wealth and honour. A cross-dressing FtM named after a flower that symbolises femininity tickles something inside me for some strange reason.
My first impression of the perfume when I sprayed this was, "okay... this is very chinese. It is indisputably chinese. It smells chinese. Why? What about it is so chinese to me?" Then I realised, every year, my family used to conduct certain rituals during a day called Ching ming jie, in English called: tomb sweeping day. We would go to the cemeteries of our grandparents to clean out their plaques or gravestones depending if they had been buried or cremated. We would bring these colourful flowers that were a mix of white, purple, yellow, orange that smelt delicate sweet and light, almost like jasmine. Lan Hua from olfac3 brought back those memories for me. Have you ever made a pot of Chinese jasmine tea? You put the flowers in, and then you pour hot water in. When the water goes in, a delicate light sweet scent is released. Lan Hua smells like that, with a few differences. First, there is definitely a tinge of creaminess similar to vanilla that is absent in delicate jasmine. The creaminess adds a touch of depth and elegance to the delicate light sweet floral. Second, I can definitely detect the warmth and sweetness of the Amber that grounds the delicate floral. Even though the notes list musk and sandalwood, I can barely detect any powderiness or wood in this particular perfume. This scent is nostalgic for me. It's 6am here now, so I have no one to get feedback on it from. But I will be very interested to show this to my Chinese friends and ask them how they feel about it later today.
For me, this is not a scent that I personally would wear. It's too orientally feminine, too delicate, too elegant and would not go with my berms, sneakers and dry fit shirts as I run around in rough developing areas planning logistics. But I could imagine a beautiful high class woman in a red cheongsam sitting in front of an ornate mirror, her hair all done up in a neat bun held together by one of those silver hair chopsticks, putting on her pearl earrings and getting ready to go to a ball or high tea. It smells of oriental feminine elegance. It is a lovely nostalgic scent for me in particular as a Chinese.
I honestly am tempted to send it away to someone random on reddit from another ethnicity, and ask them how they feel about it because this one brings up very strong emotions and memories for me. I would love to know how someone from a different culture perceives this particular scent, like would they see themselves wearing it? What images or feelings do they have when they sniff it? Is the oriental femininity just a prejudice of mine that comes from childhood experience or do ppl from different cultures feel the same way. I am going to the post office to see if I can send this tiny sample away if anyone here wants to try it and is willing to answer those questions i have above. I prefer the person getting the sample to not be east Asian, if that is alright? There are too many cultural similarities for someone East Asian to satisfy my curiosity. Let me know if you'd like the sample and of course, the condition is that you must write back and tell me what you think of it.

I (18)f and preparing my graduation soon and I feel lost right now.For context me and my mom had a good relationship when I was younger but after she left her ex husband things changed.She was more annoyed with me and distant for the most part she was there for me.She housed me and fed me but that was it I felt alone.I also have to younger siblings 8f and 9m. My brother and I are close and my sister and I aren't .Lately I noticed my mom tends to treat them very differently then how she did with me.She used the excuse that since my childhood wasn't the best she wanted to give them a good one.For reference they both have xboxs,switches,tablets.They also have all there school trips and other important things attended to while when I was younger I had none of that.I don't hate her for it yet I feel like even though she wanted them to have a good childhood she shouldn't forget about me her first born child. Lately me and my mother have gotten into fights over me not wanting to watch my siblings or not wanting to clean her house.Btw I don't live with her nor does she pay me or ask me if I can she demands it most of the time.Her reason is she just doesn't want to deal with them and as a sister its my job to watch them.I fell stressed and upset because when I do watch them I get yelled at and told I'm not doing it right and have never even gotten a thank you.She tells me constantly that I never do anything and get mad at me all the time and it frustrated me.The last straw thay broke everything is that her new bf came down to visit and her and the kids got to say goodbye to him.I had asked to come over and say goodbye as well and was told she would text me when she's not busy.I waited for hours and it was around 9pm at this point and I called her asking what was the deal and is things still happening.I was yelled at and told that I needed to be patient and that I was being annoying.I told her I just wanted to know what happened and what we were doing because I wanted to know.She yelled more and I got annoyed and hung up she has yelled at me more nothing multiple times and I was fed up with her treating me like a kid but then asking me to be an adult.I decided to message her and tell her that she isn't invited because I don't wanna fight on an important day to me and she was pissed and told my grandma.I live with her for the time being and she came to me pissed off telling me I had to invite her and I didn't have a choice.I explained to her that my mom has only ever been mean and rude towards me and things always end up fighting and she told me to get over it and my mom raised me.I got upset and yelled that she raised me and not my mom all my mom did was house me not raise me I spent more time with my friends or grandparents then her.Now my mom and grandma wont speak to me and some of my friends tell me i have a right to uninvite who ever i want to my graduation but now im second guessing letting her go to stop this bullshit.I just wanted to have a day to me and not stress so am i the ass here or am i over reacting ?

Hi Raven. I recently discovered your podcast and I have been enjoying listening to all of the stories. I’ve always believed in the paranormal but after my mom passed away 10 years ago I felt frustrated that I never “saw” her in a ghostly presence. Instead of visiting me this way I’d often have encounters with her moving things for me, specifically things that I thought that I had misplaced. It wasn’t until 2 years ago when I had my most vivid dream of her and I later realized that she came to me to warn me of a betrayal. My mom and I had a great relationship and I was devastated when she passed away when I was only 21 years old. My dad had not handled her illness and passing well and he was cheating on her while she was sick and continued to make poor decisions as soon as she was gone. This resulted in me having a very strained relationship with him.
At this point my mom had been passed for 8 years and at the time my relationship with my dad was great, he had remarried a few years ago and had 2 step daughters that just finished high school. I remember thinking that my dad was being so nice to me at the time and that he wanted to spend a lot of time with me and even finally gave me my mom’s jewelry after I had asked for years. Everything was peachy, right? So I was extremely disturbed when I had a dream on a Tuesday night that left me waking up in tears. In my dream my mom was angry with me, like very angry with me, but she wasn’t saying anything. I could just tell by looking at her. She then began stabbing me in the back repeatedly while staying silent.
I was so upset when I woke up, had I upset her? Was she mad at me?
A week later, exactly, my dad FaceTimed me (despite living 5 minutes from me) to tell me he was expecting a baby with his new wife. My dad is 63 years old and just had his first grand child. I was extremely distraught, angry, and disturbed.
That’s when I connected the dots with the dream and I reached out to my friend who was well versed in assessing dreams. She directed me to a book and told me that Wednesday is a common day for the dead visiting us, and that my dream was probably into the early hours of Wednesday.
I 100% believe that my mom was warning me of this serious betrayal - there’s more to the story of my dad’s lies, but he just wasn’t a good dad in many ways. The anger, the back stabbing, the silence, it was all a warning of the big bomb that he would soon drop on me.
Thanks for listening.

Hi Everyone,
What is an appropriate gift for a graduation party of the person you don't know much.
I got invited to a graduation party of a person that I don't know much (our sons are friends, but all the time they spend together they have a nanny, not mom). I am friends with nanny but she doesn't have much input as she is new to US culture. My instinct was a gift card, like Amazon or any other generic shops/marketplaces. Do you have any better ideas? Thank you!