Sample birthday invitation letter

I (31M) met this girl (27F) for arranged marriage. Parents introduced us and we have been taking things organically (like dating I suppose). We met 4 times after which I started opening up to her and mentioned a few things about myself which pointed to introversion. A couple of weeks later she invited me to the birthday party (25+ people) of a close friend of hers. I asked her what to introduce myself as there and she suggested 'friend'. I took that to mean no one at the party knew I was a marriage prospect and that she was asking me to be guarded around her and her friends. I also took that to mean there were no specific expectations from me at the party and decided it was fine to be low-key given I was tired that night. Unknown to me, her idea to invite me there was to see what I was like in social situations around her .. whether I need too much support or if I could socialize on my own or whatever. Also, her close friends who were hosting the party were told beforehand she was bringing a marriage prospect.
Overall, my behavior there came off detached and went against the expectations of her and her friends. They tried to make me feel "comfortable" by pointing me to employees from my company to socialize with and all that but I felt it was a bit silly to be suggested to socialize when I was not particularly in the mood to. And further I insisted I was fine being there. At one point, she came to me after talking to her friends and suggested I should leave the party. I was shocked and I insisted I was fine and stayed there. By the end of the party, she became closed off to me signaling indirect rejection.
my invite to the party was some sort of a covert test to assess me against some unspoken expectations she had and this is not sitting well with me. is this a common thing in these situations or am I reading too much? The fact that she was not open with her communication about my status there ('friend') confused me about how to act around her. Also, being asked to leave? when i was clearly telling people i was fine there, perhaps on the quieter side? i don't know if it's a sign of incompatibility but it felt humiliating.
I had an argument the following day with her and she said all she was trying to do was to understand how I was around her and she didn't mean it to be a test and she can have her own expectations since she is equally involved in the process. She also said all she and her friends were trying to do was make me comfortable since I didn't know anyone there. And that 'friend' is a label meant to be used for acquaintances who didn't necessarily need to know we were seeing each other, and she would of course tell her close friends I was a marriage match since she was taking me to their party. And she is pissed off too.
It still is not sititng right with me. At the party, I didn't see me and her close friends trying to get involved in conversations with me, rather I feel it was more of a test to see how I carry myself in a crowd. I donno it's not sitting well with me. Am I the asshole here?

i'm a woman in my very early 20s. my friend group and i were always quite close (we've been friends for years) and i was always invited to everything until this celebration. i always knew like 2 people didnt like me for some reason. still, this switch up is insane to me since not inviting someone from the group never really happens.
unfortunately i can't think of anything that i could've done wrong but i really wish i knew so that i could fix it. nobody wants to tell me. i haven't really had the chance to do anything wrong because i don't talk much to these people nowadays so i'm really confused. i was also sick during that time but only one of the girls who was invited knew that and i could've still gotten invited. the worst part is that i only learned about this a whole month later since nobody told me, it feels like it was kept a secret from me.
in the past year i've been getting progressively more and more left out and nobody tells me why. i know i don't make any weird jokes, i don't insult anyone, i don't talk bad about anyone, i'm always supportive, i'm not overly loud, i don't make everything about myself, i don't bring the mood down with bad/insensitive topics other than when i get quiet sometimes etc. there's a girl in the group who's even more quiet than me yet she's still invited so it can't be that. we also all have the same interests. i've been getting left out since the 1st grade, i guess there has always been something off-putting or "wrong" about me that i'm unfortunately unaware of. i just wish i knew.
i have a concert coming up with these people and i'll be the only one there who wasn't invited and who apparently isn't liked. i bought tickets for 3 other people months ago and the rest got theirs themselves.
i don't care about being left out since those people haven't been treating me well anyway (e.g. making me feel dumb, looking down on me, etc.) so i can ignore them or cut them off, but i'm just horrified of awkward situations, the concert being one of them. i don't know how i'm supposed to act and hang out with them when i know i'm not wanted, it's so unbelievably uncomfortable. i can't just "relax and enjoy the concert" because as i said i have people's tickets with me and will thus have to queue up with them and hang out with them in the queue at the very least. i still really want to see the artist live.
i know it's not that big of a deal and that it's a minor issue (other than the fact that i'm losing my closest friends) but as i said i HATE awkward situations. the anxiety ruins my fun and i feel extremely uncomfortable. how do i deal with it? how do i act at the concert? awkwardness is so terrifying, i cant stand it at all!!!

Dear my first love/ ex
I know we only dated briefly, but in that time we faced so much that time seemed like it passed faster than it actually did. When we first started out you helped push me to find a new job, because I couldn’t imagine working there alone. You even helped me quit by writing out my resignation letter even though I was gonna do it anyways since I had a new job lined up, but knowing that I wasn’t doing it alone or leaving you behind helped. I wish you could have been there to wish me good luck on my first day, but you got Covid and didn’t want to risk me getting sick before even starting.
I never wanted you to be anyone else, I loved the guy that I got to know before you ever made us official. The guy with several allergies to some of the weirdest most common things, but not allergic to common allergens. The guy with fears of heights, and bugs and scares easily. The guy that loves Disney movies and loves singing to them and cries at sad moments but would never let me see him cry. The guy that loves math, collecting Pokemon cards because they’re pretty, playing video games, D&D, anime, spending time with friends and family. The guy that was very judgemental when it came to certain things like how mint ice cream is wrong and anything with mint and chocolate together just shouldn’t be. The guy that seemed very uncertain about his future saying things like “I’m gonna take a job I hate so when I have money I can take a job I like that doesn’t pay much” “I want to buy a house here, because it would be such a flex to my friends” “ I would have quit school but everyone expected me to finish so I couldn’t quit.” Meanwhile you did know that when he bought a house that he wanted a cat and even knew the type of cat he wanted.
Now comes the tricky part that I hate because I don’t know how much you actually knew about me. Did you know I would have loved if you asked me to dance? That I would have loved a reason to get dressed up and show you a side of me no one has ever seen? You knew that you opened my heart and made me feel safe, but do you know what that has done to me? Do you know how your love has changed me? Did you know that since you were the first person to see me and love me that you helped me gain confidence I never had? Did you know that all I ever needed even when you physically couldn’t be there with me was you to say “I love you”. Just 3 little words to make me feel better, even on my worse days, just knowing that I have someone who chose me and chose to love me was a enough, but you couldn’t do that simple thing.
Instead you chose to create distance, trying to repair the damage after it was done instead of just saying “I love you and because I love you can we cool off and come back to the issue in the morning so we don’t say something we might regret?” No I got the response of “ I had a good day today and don’t need you bringing me down so I’m turning off my phone” the reason I was mad was because you blew me off and broke your promise the least you could have done was apologize instead of making me feel guilty and less than.
Do I hate you for that? Do I hate you for putting yourself first? Do I hate you for making me open my heart and be venerable to you? Do I hate you for shattering my heart into a million pieces? Do I hate that we loved each other and it seemed like you did all the talking but I was the one opening up more emotionally than you? Do I hate you for finding someone new so fast? Do I hate that you probably saw the northern lights with your new gf on my birthday, while I watched them alone after you said I would never be alone on my birthday again, along with the fact our first date we tried to see them only to get downgraded to cloud gazing and never watching them together like we wanted? No, for some reason I can’t hate you maybe that’s what true love is, because there will always be a part of me that loves you. Even with all your faults and flaws but it would be so much easier if I could just hate you. But I would be lying if I say that I’m not hurt and that I wouldn’t take you back in a heartbeat. I would have my reservations about it but as long as you would be willing to put the work in I would take you back because I’m not going to hate and judge you based on a few bad times when there were so many more good times. But we didn’t know how to deal with the bad times so we let that rip us apart.
~ your ex that you gave up on

chapters 1&2
chapter 3
chapter 4
chapter 5
chapter 6
chapter 7
chapter 8
chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
The lecture was supposed to be on Rationality 101, apparently not for Newcomers only. Serene was there to have her back but G was having a hard time focusing.
The boring black uniform more fitting for a hotel receptionist defaced the godlike beauty standing in front of a huge screen. Gentry couldn’t believe her eyes: this was the man she had her hands on a little while ago?
No, it couldn’t be.
It had been just an avatar, too perfect in its unblemished visage, too pure for this world. Yet the man whose face she remembered as if it was etched on the back of her eyelids, who she’d been constantly thinking about, who her hands itched to snatch, was standing right there, in the flesh.
Back in the dreamy simulated world she caught herself thinking that a trim waist like this couldn’t anatomically work on a human, yet here he was: a towering spread of fit shoulders perfectly balanced above the flexible whip of his midsection. The light-grey eyes that betrayed every movement of his pupils were as real as the ones that reflected the mock moon during her test. Below them lay the sharp slope of the cheekbones one could cut themselves on.
The only thing a bit different, apart from the outfit choice, was the young god’s hair. In the simulation, it was flowing and probably too long to be practical. This person’s mane was much shorter and fell down his neck in a neat ponytail, tastefully tamed with a single hairpin.
She had to get her hands on this treasure.
He was making last minute preparations for the lecture, looking through the papers on the desk, dark strands framing his face, light grey eyes sharp in careful concentration.
Professor Q, huh.
He said this was his name, and so did the note on the lecture hall door.
She was sure it was the man who had melted in her arms making the most delicious sounds a male throat could produce.
Had he recognised her?
Unlikely.
At the time of the simulation session, she didn’t have a camera that could pick up her facial features but just to be on the safe side, she decided to go by “G” in his class. There were bound to be lots of people with a name starting with a G, right? What would be the odds it was this particular newcomer that Q had tested that would end up in his class?
The man finally lifted his eyes at the audience and a gentle smile momentarily graced his features before disappearing as if he didn’t see someone he’d expected to.
The holoboard on the wall behind him obediently lit up following his nonchalant gesture. Gentry found it annoying that one needed a pair of special glasses to see all the augmented reality stuff and really navigate the city but again, with Sereen’s help she had more or less gotten used to it in the couple of days she had to deal with the necessities like settling down, getting food and finding her way around Ashtapada.
Still, could they use a piece of chalk or, at least, a marker to write on the board? No need to show off your Fully Automated Luxury Space Communism tech just to write a couple of notes on the board!
On second thought, high-tech-crazy or not, if this city brought up men like this one, she would definitely do her best to stay here to… reap the benefits!
They took a desk next to a huge clear floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked the winter garden.
“Professor Q seems a little distracted today,” Sereen said, swiftly tapping a couple of buttons on G’s wrist to show her how to confirm that she was attending the lecture. “He’s usually much more chatty and friendly. I wonder what got into him.”
“Is he?” Gentry responded with an artificial air of indifference. “I just hope he’s more open to a discussion than that Poe guy.”
“He is! And Professor Poe isn’t that bad,” Sereen reprimanded before chuckling a little — since his little secret became known to students, he became known as Holopoe. “Just wait and see, it’s gonna be a blast. Q’s lectures are always very engaging.”
It proved to be utter bullshit.
After fiddling with the symbols on the interactive screen for ten minutes into the class, students getting more and more agitated behind his back, the lecturer seemed to give up. Turning back to the audience, he absentmindedly nodded to a couple of people in the lecture hall and sighed with a painfully fake smile.
“For today’s class, we are going to need to read a certain extract from a book,” he said, tone apologetic for some reason, but it solidified G’s conviction that she already knew this person. “I’ve just sent it to each of your wristcomms. We’ll have some quiet time and read it by ourselves, alright?”
“Reading from the comm?” Sereen mumbled to herself. “Couldn’t he just print them out?”
The rest of the students’ grumbles showed that they shared her disappointment. Q could only hopelessly smile again before returning to his work on the board.
Reading from the little semi-transparent screens was indeed torture. Quickly giving up on trying to awkwardly use gestures for scrolling through the text, she looked out of the window to entertain herself with the garden outside. From the modest height they were sitting at, the people below were quite discernible, partly hidden by the greenery, spread here and there in small groups and pairs. Gentry longed to be there, too. What was the use of being here with the most attractive person in the whole world if the only thing she could see was his back?
Well, the back didn’t look half bad, if she was honest, and what was below also pleased the eye.
But still. It would soon bore even the most easily entertained.
Her gaze fell to a small clearing where a lone male figure was sitting, writing something in a notebook. By the looks of it, the notebook was a real paper-made thing without the bells and whistles usual for Ashtapada. The next thing G noticed was a pair of slender legs, barefoot, stretched to dip the toes into the clear water of the artificial stream.
God bless the urban designers of this place!
The figure lifted the head and in an inconceivably graceful motion, swung the long blond bangs away from the face.
G straightened her back. Was it... Ok, maybe Q was the most handsome man she’d seen in her life but this... This was the younger boy she’d noticed a couple of days back, the one in a plaid skirt, shamelessly flirting with everyone within reach. Today, he wasn’t wearing one but the blue jeans hugging his thighs, rolled up almost to the knees, presented a picture just as tantalizing. Even with the hair was a completely different colour, even though the half-up, half-down style kept his face hidden, she was absolutely certain it was the same person.
Just you wait, young beauty, as soon as this “lecture” was over, your princess in shining armour was coming to pick you up!
Suddenly snapping out of the dull weariness, she turned on the auglasses S helped her obtain earlier and tapped away on her comm screen.
What a chance to give the local text sharing feature a go!
“The garden is pretty, but with a blossom like you, it is truly breathtaking. I wonder if anyone has picked this sweet flower or if anyone dares to,” she typed a cheesy note and folded the message into a neat 3D figurine of an origami paper crane with her fingers in the air.
Was S watching? Screw it, even if she was, she couldn’t read the message with her glasses off, right?
Carefully aiming the device at the lone figure, she launched the crane downwards, and it fluttered like a weightless butterfly in spirals, through the glass and right into the young man’s lap, not disturbing the notebook pages. He started at first at the intrusion but then turned his own glasses on and unfolded the message. A shy smile appeared on his plump lips, and he looked flattered, turning his head around to see if the sender was in sight. Catching no one, he typed something below the initial message and deftly folded it back into a crane that, to G’s surprise, flew directly at her, in uneven spirals along the wall. The man traced it with a smile, propping himself back on his arms, his whole slim body and face on full display now.
God, was he good-looking.
Easily passing the physical border of the glass again, the crane crashed into Gentry’s wristcomm, dutifully delivering the message and betraying her tactical position at the same time. An amused kind of surprise showed on the young man’s face and he waved at her to show that she had been exposed. She waved back, trying to look nonchalant but probably failing miserably.
Very smooth, G, way to go.
The message read, “Is a flower only good for looking at? Not this one.”
Oooh, this boy was playing with fire!
“Hey, G,” Sereen nudged. “Have you finished reading?”
“Mm? Oh, yeah.” Gentry lied easily. She had skimmed the first couple of paragraphs and was sure she’d be able to come up with something if asked.
“Done everybody?” the deep gentle voice called from the holoboard and G’s attention snapped back to the dignified face.
The class murmured affirmatively.
“I’m sorry today’s lecture isn’t as fun as usual,” he admitted. “I must say I’m still unsure how to approach such complex topic as this one. But with your help, I hope we’ll figure it out.”
Everyone seemed to perk up.
“You just read an extract on paradoxes,” Q went on. “And you might be wondering why we are raising a philosophical topic on a rational thinking course.”
“There you go,” Sereen whispered. “He’s back to normal!”
G humphed. This did seem interesting. Was it a good idea to read the extract after all?
Q continued, “In the text, you might have encountered the definition of a paradox. Would anyone explain it with their own words?”
A raised hand and the lecturer’s nod brought some courageous soul to their feet.
“It’s when you start with the correct premises, use consistent logic but wind up with an impossible conclusion,” they said. “There are three types: falsidical, veridical and antimony-type, which are...”
“Correct,” Q smiled and nodded the person back down. It was a smile worth starting a thousand wars over.
“Now there’s a reason why I asked you to read about them. Why do you think people have been fascinated with paradoxes for such a long time?”
S raised her hand and received a kind invitation.
“I might be wrong,” she said. “But it seems that they point at the limitations of our thinking, things that seem rational but in fact aren’t. We feel that with our all-conquering logic we can solve any puzzle but it’s not always the case. Right?”
“This is very insightful,” the teacher confirmed. “It is believed by many that what’s rational is true and therefore what rationality cannot explain must be false.”
“I definitely know someone who would die on that hill,” Gentry grumbled under her breath.
“I’m sorry?” Q asked. “Is there something you wanted to add... sorry, I don’t know your name?”
Still half mad with professor Poe, Gentry stood up. “It’s G, I’m a Newcomer. I was saying how a human mind can fool itself into thinking it knows what it looks at as long as it makes sense. But in reality, it’s not there, like the sky.”
That was the only thing she remembered from that last lecture! She felt the tips of her ears heat up but the kind and considering look on Q’s face showed her gamble paid off.
“These are very insightful observations, G, why don’t we try exploring them together?” — he waived her to sit down and turned back to the class — “Five minutes to discuss how paradoxes might reveal the weaknesses of rational thinking. Send your answers to the board when you’re done.”
“Whoa, daring as usual,” Sereen smiled. “I knew you’d enjoy his class.”
“Now, consider these two questions,” Q said to another student who stood up at his hand wave. “If an unstoppable force meets an indestructible object, what is going to happen?”
The person seemed to contemplate it for a while and the teacher didn’t rush him.
“Isn’t it one of those which are impossible to solve because the existence of the one automatically disproves the existence of the other?”
Q nodded, “Correct. The second one about the barber in a small town is of the same sort. Sereen?”
S stood up too, “The one that shaves all and only men that don’t shave themselves?”
“Yes,” he confirmed. “At first, a premise like this seems perfectly reasonable, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” S responded, somewhat rashly. “But it’s clear that a barber like this cannot exist.”
“Wait, really?” Gentry whispered as Q nodded in satisfaction and urged her friend to go on.
“Yes, if we ask ourselves if this barber shaves himself. If he doesn’t, then he is part of the group which he does shave that do not shave themselves, but if he is in this group, then he does shave himself which makes it impossible for him to be this barber by definition.”
While the rest of the class was catching up with the logic, Q’s smile got only wider, more inviting.
“What does it tell us about the nature of the premise then?” he asked.
“That although it seems that it sounds logical on the surface, it is in fact nonsense and we don’t even need to hear the rest of the riddle to discard it completely,” S concluded.
The man chuckled.
“Well, I wouldn’t be that brash, to be honest, but on balance, you’re right,” he said. “If you stay after the lecture, I might recommend a couple of books on the topic. Your Newcomer friend is welcome to stay, too.”
G put up the best of the aloof fronts, “I’d be happy to, Professor.”
“Q is fine,” he smiled again and went on addressing the rest of the class that immediately exploded into a heated discussion.
***
“Basically, what I think we’re supposed to learn from this,” S concluded after a while, standing up so that everyone could hear her. “Is that before applying rationality, we have to make sure that all the premises we are dealing with are in fact realistic. Otherwise, there is no way rational thinking will help us.”
“Excellently put, as always,” Q applauded. “I’d love to see if everyone agrees or has something else to add to the discussion but our time is up. Feel free to write me a letter with your reflections on the topic.”
As interesting as the class was, the urge to leave the premises as soon as the teacher dismissed everyone seemed to be universal and applicable even to the Ashtapadans.
“I have to go now,” Sereen said. “Text you later, ok?” And with a reciprocal nod to Q, disappeared in the doors, joining the rest of the students.
Sadly, she couldn’t recall what they were talking about after the lecture, nor what titles Professor recommended for some home reading. She just hoped she didn’t make a fool of herself.
What Gentry did remember though was that after Q left as well and she came up to the panoramic window, Sereen and the mysterious flower boy were leaving the garden together. And it was hard not to notice that her new friend took off her wristcomm before they took off, and hid it in the tall grass.

I believe I was. I’ve told friends about my life and I’ve talked to my parents about their treatment, but I keep getting told other people have it worse or I didn’t have it that bad. I wonder if I’m just being dramatic.
Some non-chronological events:
I would ride along with my mom searching for my dad when he would go on drug binges. I watched my dad hit my grandma over and over after he had to turn the car around because he forgot his wallet at home. She started "talking too much". After he beat her, she laid across the backseat in silence. I was silent too. I wished for superpowers so that when he hit her, I would be the one to feel her pain instead. I screamed at the crackhead women my dad invited into the house after he was gone on a drug binge. She threatened to throw me out of the window. My dad stayed silent. My dad invited that same women into the house a few months later, because she apologized to him. My dad used to give me frequent back scratches. He would trail his hand down my back and rub the area just above my butt. My dad was inebriated and knocking on each of our bedroom doors. My mom texted me to not open my bedroom door for him but I needed to pee. By the time I came back, he had a blanket on the ground and was asleep. My stomach sunk. I slept under the bed. My mom dragged her fingernails across my face and asked what I was going to do about it and if I was going to fight back. My dad called me a waste of brain cells because he went down the wrong way in a one way street going to a fair. He turned around and drove home. I locked myself in my room and sobbed and texted my mom that I didn't want to live anymore. I woke up in the hospital after my suicide attempt to my dad in the room. The first thing he said to me was that I must really care what people think about me. In a drafted suicide note, I addressed each person in my life except my mom. My mom found it in my room and photocopied it. She wrote notes on the side and was upset that I didn't write to her. My dad threatened to give me and my sibling up to adopt some children who would actually spend time with him. My dad badmouthed me to a date when I was in the backseat of his car. I filled out a sheet in elementary school for fun with my friends. It was for something like a summer camp. My mom chased me throughout the house and snatched it. She asked if I was trying to send myself away. My dad told me to not tell authorities about him because I'd get taken away. My mom told me I needed to go home. I cried on the way home because I thought she was going to kill herself after she stopped responding to my texts. She left scavenger hunt instructions for the key to her bedroom. Inside her bedroom were letters to each of us detailing that she was leaving my dad. I didn't see her again for months.

Dear JB,
It's been two years since we last spoke, and yet not a day goes by without thoughts of you drifting through my mind. Our relationship was complex and often confusing, but it was real and meaningful to me. There are moments I wish I could go back to, conversations I wish we could have again, and feelings I wish we could explore with more understanding.
I understand now that our dynamic was colored by a push and pull that neither of us fully grasped at the time. You, with your need for space, and me, with my desire for closeness, created a dance that was both beautiful and painful. I want you to know that I see things more clearly now. I understand the struggles you faced and the reasons behind your distance. It was never about a lack of love or care; it was about self-preservation and the boundaries you needed to feel safe.
I knew you cared through your actions, not words. They were subtle, but they spoke volumes I couldn’t understand at the time. I now know that was you showing love. Holding my pinkie, inviting me to meet your family on your birthday, talking to me every day—those were your ways of expressing love, and I just couldn’t see it. I didn’t know the depths of people’s backgrounds or how to deal with someone like you. You always tried to set your boundaries aside a little to make me feel you, and I appreciate those efforts now more than ever.
I respect your journey and the space you've taken. In our time apart, I've done a lot of reflection and growth. I've come to appreciate the depth of our connection, even if it didn't always manifest in ways that were easy to comprehend. Our time together taught me so much about myself, about patience, and about the complexities of human emotion.
If I could have one more conversation with you, I'd want it to be honest and open, free of the misunderstandings and miscommunications that once clouded our interactions. I'd tell you how much you meant to me, and how much you still do. I'd express my gratitude for the moments we shared and the lessons I've learned. Most importantly, I'd want to hear your side, to understand your experience, and to let you know that my heart holds no resentment, only fondness and a hope for your happiness.
Whether our paths cross again or not, I want you to know that you have a place in my heart. I cherish the time we had and the person you are. I hope you've found peace and fulfillment in the time we've been apart. And if, by some chance, you ever want to reach out, know that I'm here, ready to listen, without expectations or demands, just with an open heart.
With all my love and respect, AW

Hello everyone. I'm 18 years old and I'm currently in the process of getting a visa to visit my girlfriend who lives In china. I've hit a dead end however.
I have an invitation letter from my girlfriend including her ID printed out. I've paid for the flight there completely and it's just now down to hotels. However with hotels we planned to book them in june after my paycheck as ill have a bit more freedom with my money. I have heard how to apply for a Chinese visa you do not necessarily need to provide flight and hotel booking details.
My question is, if you have an invitation from a Chinese resident along with a printed ID, are you able to apply for a visa without the need to show hotel bookings?
Thanks

My boyfriend (22m) and I (20f) have been LC/NC with MIL since last July. I blocked her on Facebook in May after sending her a nasty message her for missing her son’s 21st birthday party. (Shallow, yes I know. I was just angry.) She had 2 months notice about the party and made excuse after excuse about why she couldn’t come, ultimately it ended up being because we didn’t want her alcoholic husband to be there and she refused to go without him. She never even sent him a birthday card.
My bfs birthday is at the beginning of May and this year MILs husband sent him a message asking what he wanted for his bday during the second week of April. My bf does not like him, wants nothing to do with him and has explained this to his mom. So the message was never read because he has his notifications blocked. I saw it about a week and half after it was sent while looking on his phone and told my bf. He was annoyed but texted MILs husband back, we didn’t hear anything for over a week and then MIL invited us up to dinner at her house but they wanted to wait until we all had a day off. We gave them our availability and she said they were waiting to get Sundays off together and that day would be best. They live about an hour away so we said sure whenever is fine after the 6th because my dad was coming to stay with us for a week. This upset MIL and she said she wanted to do it the weekend after his birthday, we said that’s fine then. It didn’t end up happening and we were gonna let her tell us when they were ready.
Now it’s 3 weeks later and my schedule just changed so I’m working Sundays. I asked my boyfriend to let his mom know and she said that she is trying to find a new job because they cut her hours at work. MIL and her husband always work at the same place and her hours always get cut…
I just need to vent because this is not how my family is, birthdays are special and to be celebrated with all of your favorites because you need to enjoy life. I wish this women would even take a second of her own time to spend with her son, even on the phone without her husband talking too. She didn’t send him a card or anything this year either. We live and hour away and she commuted to a job an hour and 15 mins away for over a year!!!! I want to believe she cares about her son but everything she’s ever done and how she treats him tells me she doesn’t.
Disclaimer: Yes I understand everyone’s family’s are different but she goes over the moon for his siblings and even grandparents birthdays. Her oldest doesn’t even get a second glance.

I was in the restaurant alone and they seated me at a table for four. Soon after I ordered it got busy for lunch. A group was seated near me while I was eating and one of the guys in the group started loudly complaining about how they probably could have been seated earlier if it weren't for me. And that I had no reason to go out by myself and take up so much space and should have ordered to go. I know I should have brushed it off, but he was so persistent that I lost my appetite and left soon after. I had plans to go do some shopping and run some errands after but I just went straight home.
Unfortunately where I live right now I have had no success in talking to or meeting people in their 20's. I've tried volunteering, local libraries, random events in the area, and even tried dating apps after swearing off them well over a year ago. It's been hitting especially hard since my birthday was earlier this month and I didn't do anything.
Don't get me wrong I love my own company, and I'm still in touch with my friends that I don't live near. But it sucks to want to go get coffee or lunch or go shopping or something and there's no one to invite. I've been trying really hard to continue to dress well and look nice and go do things even if it's just for myself. Today did not help my confidence or desire to do that. Now I'm actually kind of scared that everyone is secretly annoyed by me taking up space in places that are usually seen as group settings.

In university I (F20) became best friends with my roommate Eliza (F20). She was extroverted compared to me and helped me come out of my shell. She also convinced me to visit her home country and hang out with her close friends there. I eventually started dating one of her friends and I learned that she tried sexting one of her best friends' exes in the past and never told her.
This friend Alex and her boyfriend Jean got together again and Alex learned about my friend Eliza’s incident however never confronted her hoping Eliza would come out clean herself, which she didn't. When Eliza accused Alex of being distant however hell broke loose and the truth was revealed subsequently ending the friendship.
This incident scared Eliza to the point of asking me to talk with my boyfriend about their friendship because she thought they might grow distant too. She has also always compared me to his ex at anything and accused his ex (and basically me) of growing herself and him distant. Around this time she also accused him of forcing his girlfriends to take birth control, implying we didn't care about STDs or accidental pregnancies. These were all conversations I held with her while she knew we were dating.
I did put up with these comments, sometimes even felt responsible and paid no mind to the incident she had with Alex and Jean. This all changed however when I was planning a not-so-surprise party for my boyfriend and made the mistake of asking for her help. She took it upon herself to invite people and plan the entire party herself even though she thought he had no friends. I also invited Alex and told Eliza beforehand to make sure she didn't freak out, to which she replied with “if she's fine im fine”. Alex had also asked me if she could bring her boyfriend Jean and I said yes; there were two other couples at the party so it was only fair. Upon learning of this Eliza freaked out and dissociated during the entire birthday which made me feel responsible at the time.
We ended up having a big fight over everything that happened, even addressing some past problems. She did apologize in the end but also said "Im sorry you felt that way" and ultimately I was very offended by her actions. This gave me the opportunity to get to know Alex a bit more and confide in her, but a part of me can’t help but feel guilty about the way things happened with Eliza.
AITA for feeling this way? Are my feelings justified?

Filed 1/29, 3/11 got my CP05 letter online… reached out to my congressman who assigned me a TAS agent. Submitted my 1099R form to her 2 weeks ago. She called today and said I got assigned to an IRS worker and it may take a couple more weeks. The next time they’ll (TAS AND IRS AGENT) talk will be June 11. She hopes to call me before then or by then🥹. I guess I’ll have birthday money for July 🤣 if they would’ve told me months ago June is when I’d receive my money, I would’ve been mad but I could’ve definitely planned better.

I'm in the 13th grade. A friend of mine came into contact with an old classmate of ours. She is planning to meet up with another classmate and invites both of us to come. The problem is that the other classmate and I have a really troubling relationship. She and I are actually in the same grade. In Germany the last few month of 13th grade are just like 6 days of school in 3 months, so I have not seen her in a while. I was in love with her and I never really found a way to express it properly. The only time I said anything to her was when I wrote her a letter telling her everything. From the info I got that letter made cry and was quite triggering for her. I have an eating disorder and depression, which certainly made the letter even worse as I mentioned both and in how far it connects to my love to her. I feel so terrible ever since and I don't want her to see me. I hurt her and I don't think she wants to see me again. My love for her might be gone, but I can't forgive myself for it(I don't deserve forgiveness anyway). I still feel a lot of shame and disgust for what I've done and by how awful and insane I can be. This all happened a few months ago. Somehow some part of me still wants to see her, but can't get over what I've done. I feel so guilty for wanting that and I think I will not go. My friend told me that it would be fun and that it's probably not as dramatic as I make it to be(I never told him much about this incident), but is that really true? I don't think so, but I am quite known for being a bit dramatic, so maybe I'm just wrong. I really do not want to cause more harm and I can't tell what's the right move here. My instincts haven't been very good or reliable in the past. Should I go or not?
Thanks for any replies

I (25F) am the oldest child of my family. My mom (45F) and step dad (41M) have another child together (11F). Growing up I was the only child, only grandchild and only niece of the family. I won’t deny that I was spoiled but that was mainly from my grandparents. My mom was a single mom up until I was 13 when she married my step dad. Unfortunately, because of that I was raised primarily by my grandparents. I have nothing negative to say about them. They have been there for every milestone in my life and raised me to be a successful person. My mother, on the other hand, is the opposite. She’s absent for majority of my milestones due to work or some event with my sister. This is all just for some background to the actual situation.
For my birthday this year I wanted a small and quiet dinner with my family. I had made reservations for a restaurant at 5pm. My bf (23m) and my best friend (25f) were also in attendance along with my family. Initially, because of my strained relationship with my parents, I was just going to have dinner with my grandparents but my grandma suggested inviting them as a way to maintain a civil relationship. She went ahead and called them and told them the time and date of the dinner. Initially they said to push it back because my sister had a sport practice that night so I rescheduled for 6pm. The night of the dinner I show up at 6 along with my bf, grandparents and best friend. We ordered drinks and appetizers and waited for my parents and sister to come. When they finally got there it was 40 minutes after the initial reservation. I kept my mouth closed and didn’t say anything in order to maintain peace. Since it was my birthday my grandparents and best friend had brought their gifts for me to dinner. Personally, I’m a sentimental person and enjoy cards with personalized notes and don’t really ask for any presents. My family is aware of my preference and always bring up how they never know what to get me usually in a joking matter. When my step dad and mom asked what I wanted for my birthday at the table I told them I had been looking at a vacuum online if that’s something they’d like to get me as a practical gift. My step dad then reached into his wallet and threw money at me across the table and told me to buy it with that. The table was silent after and I just said thanks and the evening continued on as nothing happened. This was about 4 weeks ago and have yet to speak to my mother or step father about what happened. There’s an event coming up for my sister soon and my grandparents asked me to attend and show her support. I love my sister but I want by no means to see my mother or step father. My grandparents are aware of this and are asking me to let things go and maintain the peace. Wibta if I held my grudge and refused to associate with my parents?
To add some additional context, my grandparents paid for the dinner for everyone that evening. I also received a text from both of them for my birthday but that was the only contact I had with them on the day of.

Me again!
Context: My beautiful baby turned 1 last week. She’s our first. On her actually birthday her dad and I took her to an indoor playground, and got ice cream after and it was the perfect day just the 3 of us.
We have a birthday party planned for her in early June, which is admittedly late but ultimately how it worked out. We have 1 party planned that everyone is invited to. Period.
We aren’t doing any side quests, and asked for both sides of the family to respect that. Its an honour and privilege to be able to do this for her (even if she won’t remember)
The Story: A suspicious brunch invite was sent to us for this last weekend at my ILs. It was decently last minute, and the timing of it being so close to my daughter’s birthday just set my spidey senses off. I asked DH to explicitly ask if this was a birthday celebration, or just a get together. MIL swore up and down that it wasn’t, and she just wanted everyone over for brunch. Cool, we agreed to go.
We get there and there’s presents and cake and the whole family was invited to celebrate. I immediately shut it down and very firm that this wasn’t to happen. Her response? “You celebrated her birthday last week, it’s my turn”
Full passive aggressive, running off and talking negatively about me within earshot. DH pulled her aside and we left right after.
She does this tho, that’s why I knew this brunch was suspicious. You explicitly ask her not to do something and she will do it anyways if she doesn’t agree with your answer.
Example: She announced my pregnancy at a party of hers after we explicitly asked her not to because I was having serious difficulties and hadn’t told a lot of people yet.
I can’t stand this woman.

Wanted a few opinions on this situation: moved out of a rental at the end of march and did a walkthrough where the landlord said everything looked great and we (my husband and I) were the best tenants he'd ever had. We only lived there 11 months (left 1 month early due to military orders). At the walkthrough, he said 'he didn't have the funds to return our security deposit because he thought he would have found a new tenant by then and would have given us their security deposit. We gave him nearly double the notice required to terminate a lease due to military orders. He said he had 30 days to get it to us. We moved away out of state.
31 days after we move out we receive a horrible letter accusing us of all sorts of things and saying we aren't allowed to break the lease so he's keeping the deposit. Unless he never hears of this again, he'll be charging us for various things (one is a retroactive increase in rent). The only thing fathomable that could actually be charged to us is he is claiming water damage from a wall ac unit and a months rent for not being able to rent the home due to repairs. The home was listed for rent and the listing updated every few days during the month it wasn't rented. He lowered the rent and the listing has been down now for about a week so I doubt he did any repairs but just couldn't find a tenant. 100% we had absolutely no knowledge of a leak from the ac unit. He is claiming the ac, wall, door, doorframe, and front porch light are all not repairable. The ac was above what should have been the front door but he lived in the garage of this house so we were basically not allowed in the front yard and used the back door as our front door and exited to the street behind the street this house was actually on. He put large plants and other of his items on the porch essentially blocking us from coming out as well. It's a very long story regarding our backwards house but essentially we did not use the front door at all, under 10 times in that year. We did clean the filter for all of the acs monthly (I have extremely severe asthma) and never noticed any water issues. There was no water on the floor or dripping. I have a picture from the day we moved out and in the picture there is no visible water damage. The ac was working on the day we moved out.
Before we moved in, he told us he was going to replace all 4 wall units. That didn't happen and he told us he was going to do it while we lived there and that didn't happen. All of the acs were horrible and we used to make passing remarks of how hot it was to the landlord. He eventually said he's not replacing them until the one above the door stops working completely. I also have texts from him saying that particular ac can't be turned down past 76 or it will break. He literally lived right below it and heard it running (it was on 76). Basically, I am certain there were problems with that ac and he was aware of it but I was not aware at all that it was causing water damage, if it actually was. I wish I had known because I would have insisted he replace it. I'm thinking he either did actually get around to replacing it and discovered it or is making it up.
I have contacted a lawyer to send him a demand letter but my husband is now worried about what if he does actually try to sue us? What if he decides to rip out the whole wall and sue us for tens of thousands? Doesn't he need to prove we were aware of this water damage? In his letter he stated he asked for entry into the house each month to service the ac but we denied him and broke the ac by never cleaning the filter in 12 months. He never asked us once to service the ac and entered the house on several other occasions, once to fix a plumbing issue and once to replace the dishwasher. Plus a few other times we invited him in. There is no clause in our lease saying anything regarding reporting damages, water damages, or we are responsible for maintaining the ac. My parents also came to stay with me for nearly 2 months while my husband was away and they are willing to write a statement that they never saw any water damage whatsoever. My husband doesn't want to send the demand letter at all because the letter we received we full of just bizarre untrue statements and he feels like he will make up a huge lawsuit. Even appearing for a lawsuit would cost us a ton in travel so we really don't want to get involved with that. I do want my deposit back but I feel like this water damage thing is totally made up or can't reasonably be blamed on us?

Hi Ya'll,
I recently graduated OCS and I have been bombarded myself in real life over what to expect with OCS. For context I went from basic training straight to OCS, and even graduated with honors. From the time of writing this post, it has officially been a month since I graduated. So here is a list of common questions I get and I hope I can settle some anxiety for all of you future 2nd LTs.
Warning: The cadre at OCS do read these reddit posts, so I won't be able to post answers to tests or events.

1. I haven't received a welcome letter, or a packing list. Where can I find it?
   • Fort Moore Officer Candidate School (army.mil) I would download and print the packing list and the ISAP. The ISAP acts more or less like a syllabus from college. It will give a rough understanding of the rules, regulations, and requirements for you to pass.
2. Is everything on the packing list required?
   • Yes. Try your best to follow the packing list to the letter. It is almost entirely dependent on the cadre and of course weather does play a part in their decision making. Some things you'll find you didn't really need or use throughout your cycle. For example, my cycle didn't use 550 Cord almost at all, but I used it to build a hooch, and secure sensitive items.
3. What if I don't have of the required equipment on the packing list?
   • When it comes to military equipment, try your best and bring what you can. I was never issued an IFAK before OCS or after. The cadre understand they have some coming from basic and those in-service. So if you have it, bring it. If not, bring it up to your cadre and they'll schedule time to get it issued to you.
4. Anything not on the packing list you recommend?
   • I would recommend the following: hand soap, bathroom spray, travel vacuum, wet-wipes, clipboard with compartment, pillow, very bright headlamp, multitool, and laminator. Hand soap because for some reason OCS had a hard time procuring it. Travel vacuum because you'll likely have 2 or 3 vacuums available to your platoon and having your own saves time. Wet-wipes to dust everything down. Clipboard with compartment for Land Nav as you'll be running with maps, marker, protractor, and your points so its best to have something safe and secure. Laminator for your papers because its Georgia and your papers can get wet. The pillows at OCS have this weird plastic cover on so if you want a better night sleep, get a better pillow. The headlamp is just in case, some classes inform the lumen limit while others don't, Land Nav is DARK so if you can find a lighthouse out there, do it. The multitool is just useful to have especially if you are out in the field.
5. Where can I find somethings on the packing list I am missing?
   • Luckily there is a company called Commandos who helped us out the entire time. They have an OCS purchasing list you can take advantage of. They even deliver that weekend at the footprint.
   • Visit: https://commando-military-supply-9d5038.printavo.com/merch/ocs-packing-list/
6. I saw you can bring your laptops? Is it required for classes? Can I opted in for a tablet or iPad?
   • You can bring a personal laptop primarily for recreational use after the duty hours. OCS will provide you with a government laptop that you'll need to use your CAC to access. Tablets and iPads are not considered laptops and will be confiscated like a phone. If the majority of your class as issues with the laptops, then the cadre may allow the use of your personal laptops.
7. What is your day-to-day look like?
   • Mostly on a non-physical or FTX event coming up you'll follow the following schedule: 0500 - wake up. First formation is at 0600, then you conduct PT until breakfast. After breakfast you will head to the classroom and stay there until lunch, return and stay there until dinner. After dinner, it will be the end of the duty hours and you'll roughly have 2 hours for personal time.
8. What are the most important categories/test to focus on?
   • Treat everything important. Every test you do not pass can put you at risk of being recycled, and it is up to you to catch up. For example while everyone is studying for tactics, you'll be studying tactics and history if you failed history. So save yourself the hassle and take every test seriously. The big 3 recycle event have been historically, Army History (70% to pass), Land Nav (4 points or more to pass (day and night)), and the 4-mile run (need to run in under 36 minutes regardless of gender).
9. How many retests or chances do you get?
   • You get 2 tries at everything before recycle. You get 2 tries again at the same test then you can be dismissed. For example: You are part of Alpha company. You failed history twice. You get recycled into Bravo company. You failed history twice again. You can be dismissed.
   • If you happen to pass history but fail Land Nav twice, then you'll be recycled into Charlie. If you fail Land Nav twice then you can be dismissed.
10. What is a recycle? What does it look like in OCS? Can you get dismissed?
    • A recycle is when you failed something twice and you get "recycled" into the next class. A recycle can occur for other reasons such as illness or injury. You can also be recycled for improper behavior or being "peered out". Every class starts up in a like a month (I heard they are changing that for even further out). So even though the cycle takes about 12 weeks to complete, if you get recycled you can expect more like 16 weeks or more. We had someone at OCS you has been with it for a year. You get recycled for repeat offenses, or do something majorly bad such as breaking the law, then you can be dismissed.
11. What is being peered out mean?
    • Throughout the cycle you are put into a platoon and then a squad. Your squadmates eventually all sit down and fill out a form to give the cadre who is the weakest link in the squad. Usually squads kick out the person they do not like. We had to kick out one person because they didn't mesh well within the squad and wasn't very kind. He would then get replaced with someone else who got peered out. Luckily after that one person got kicked out, the squad improved and we tried our hardest to keep it together. We still needed to peer someone out, but we kept tabs with them and invited them to a lot of our squad functions nonetheless as my squads grew to love and respect each other as a family.
    • If you do get peered out, unfortunately you get a spot report, moved to a different squad, and are at risk of being recycled if peered out again. Stay humble and help out whenever you can. I got the most respect from my squadmates as I stayed up late with them to help them with their STX lanes.
12. What is personal time like?
    • You essentially use personal time to workout if the PT wasn't enough, clean yourself, and prepare for bed. Yes if you have time, you can contact family and friends (when you get your phones), and if you have the time, play games. I don't recommend playing games as it distracts you from the mission of graduating.
13. What are the different phases like?
    • You are separated into 3 phases. Black, Blue, and White. You immediately enter black phase upon arrival with a traditional called "Gold to Black". Which is more or less a physical smoking session. During Black you are expected to run everywhere, not be able to drink coffee, have your phone confiscated (and given back on Sunday), and have less personnel time. Blue you get the ability to drink coffee again, and you have your phones returned and used only during personal time. During blue you get the ability to visit and explore the base (Fort Moore) and shop around. During white phase you get the ability to explore off-base (Columbus) and you get to wear civilian clothes. White phase if you leave off-post, you need to be in uniform, and on-base you can be in civilians.
14. Can you use your personal vehicle?
    • Yes, but you can only drive it during White Phase
15. How can I keep in contact with my family during black phase?
    • I recommend that you download WhatsApp or some other social media on your laptop and have your family members on it.
16. Can I visit the gym on base?
    • Yes during blue phase you can visit the gym. Rule regulates that you leave the footprint in uniform and change into appropriate PT uniform once at the gym and conducting PT.
17. What is the DFAC like?
    • The DFAC is better than basic training and offers snacks like cookies, granola bars, ice cream, and soda. They have a salad bar and the usual cycle of foods. They do have a "short-order" line which serves fries, burgers, hot dogs, etc. To stay in physical shape, I recommend eating your fruits and a side salad every meal. Drink juice, Gatorade, or water only. I only drank soda and the burger after an intense physical requirement like a long-run or a ruck march to regain my glucose and caloric levels.
18. Does Amazon deliver there?
    • Yes you can have other things delivered to the footprint. However, the Cadre are going to inspect it for food and other contraband. Just ask the cadre for the delivery address. It may take like 2 weeks for them to deliver it.
19. Any final advice?
    • Be helpful and noticeable amongst your squad but try not to bring attention to yourself from the cadre. Take everything seriously and give yourself proper rest and proper nutrition. OCS is not hard, but it can be if you let it get to you. OCS is designed to test your competency, commitment, and character. I luckily had an amazing squad, and I had a blast with them.

I want this to be an open forum so don't be afraid to leave anymore questions below. If the answer you are seeking is not above, then write the question in the comments, and I will try my best to answer you before you are sent off. Best of luck, thank you for your service, and be the best leaders your soldier's deserve.

I applied for a position and 2-3 weeks later the HR sent an invite to interview. I accepted the interview date and time but HR didn't show up. I sent an email right away and 2 days later. Crickets.
They didn't send a rejection letter, they didn't send a new invitation to interview again, but they reposted the position.
I can see the HR is unprofessional, but what else is going on?

Hi everyone,
This more like a vent and a request for advice so bear with me...
So long story short I've (26M) been dumped by my gf (23M) of 4.5y by text a bit more than a month ago now, we had a "happy" relationship, I don't even recall us fighting ever, other than one time about getting married now or in a bit, she said that she did love me but the fact that I had family issues I had to take care of for 2 years now, made her feel like she couldn't be my priority, and that made her feel unsafe for our future, that she got tired of waiting to be it (plus feeling bad for me about it, because she knows I couldn't do much to fix it), that by the time she took the decision she didn't see us functioning as a couple, more like friends.
I've been devastated since, somedays I do feel slightly better, that I don't even want her back, because I'll always be afraid she'll leave again, but the reality is that I still deeply miss her, she was my partner and my absolute best friend, my confident, a great source of advice when it comes to work (we do the same creative job) and my source of joy the person I was preparing myself to propose to (I had a trip planned to do so, that was cancelled...), we've been doing actual NC since the 27th of April, it's The longest time we did not even interact in 4 years. In those 4 year we had "broken up" for like 3 months, but we still saw each other and talked all the time and eventually found each other back. Before that NC, I tried to talk to her, set up a meeting, but she refused multiple time, saying that she said her piece in the breakup texts she sent me, that seeing each other will just hurt us, stubborn as I am, I did stupid things, leaving flowers and a heartfelt letter at her home, texting her to try and change her mind about just talking about it, but it all backfired, the 27th, she snapped and said that all I did during that period was hurt her, that she feels horrible and it take her steps back in her healing process whenever I do a "gesture". It's been radio silence since.
This morning I woke up to a reminder, "S's birthday prep" those 4 years I always made a point to throw her a great birthday date, we always spent those together, it was one of my favourite thing to do, i took great pleasure in preparing and teasing her until the date, seeing that reminder punched a hole in me and sent me spiraling the whole day, it confirmed that she's gone now with very few hope of comming back and I'm thinking of maybe contacting her on her birthday but I feel like it's a bad idea, in the meantime she did wish me a happy birthday for mine so I'm not sure, I'm lost and I hate this.

Hi everyone,
This more like a vent and a request for advice so bear with me...
So long story short I've (26M) been dumped by my gf (23M) of 4.5y by text a bit more than a month ago now, we had a "happy" relationship, I don't even recall us fighting ever, other than one time about getting married now or in a bit, she said that she did love me but the fact that I had family issues I had to take care of for 2 years now, made her feel like she couldn't be my priority, and that made her feel unsafe for our future, that she got tired of waiting to be it (plus feeling bad for me about it, because she knows I couldn't do much to fix it), that by the time she took the decision she didn't see us functioning as a couple, more like friends.
I've been devastated since, somedays I do feel slightly better, that I don't even want her back, because I'll always be afraid she'll leave again, but the reality is that I still deeply miss her, she was my partner and my absolute best friend, my confident, a great source of advice when it comes to work (we do the same creative job) and my source of joy the person I was preparing myself to propose to (I had a trip planned to do so, that was cancelled...), we've been doing actual NC since the 27th of April, it's The longest time we did not even interact in 4 years. In those 4 year we had "broken up" for like 3 months, but we still saw each other and talked all the time and eventually found each other back. Before that NC, I tried to talk to her, set up a meeting, but she refused multiple time, saying that she said her piece in the breakup texts she sent me, that seeing each other will just hurt us, stubborn as I am, I did stupid things, leaving flowers and a heartfelt letter at her home, texting her to try and change her mind about just talking about it, but it all backfired, the 27th, she snapped and said that all I did during that period was hurt her, that she feels horrible and it take her steps back in her healing process whenever I do a "gesture". It's been radio silence since.
This morning I woke up to a reminder, "S's birthday prep" those 4 years I always made a point to throw her a great birthday date, we always spent those together, it was one of my favourite thing to do, i took great pleasure in preparing and teasing her until the date, seeing that reminder punched a hole in me and sent me spiraling the whole day, it confirmed that she's gone now with very few hope of comming back and I'm not even sure of what I want...

Previous Entry
Writing these things has made me realize how different I sound these days. Back when all this started I’m not sure I even spoke English and I certainly didn’t speak like I do now but to be honest, I don’t remember. Trying to recall things to write has made me realize exactly how many little things I’ve forgotten over the years. The sights, the sounds, all those fade into the background of most events.
Even something as visceral as Archer’s basement still takes me a while to recall clearly. I wonder if it’s more than just my long life, we do age after all. I mentioned before that sunlight is not deadly to vampires like myself but very unpleasant, that and it makes us more normal. In the sun I won’t be as strong as I would be in the dark and by my assessment I age in the sun as well. Not any faster than a normal person but I do age, its why I don’t still look like that little boy stuck in Paris anymore.
I did spend quite some time in Paris before I left or rather, escaped. I’m not sure I ever would have left if not for the war. I didn’t have many friends there save for other… I’m not sure what to call them… entities? Whatever you want to cal it I had some friends in the more supernatural parts of the city. A vampire named Belle had become a sort of mother figure to me over the years spent there.
I met her by chance one night as I sated myself in an alley. I was ready to fight but she just laughed and flashed her own fangs at me, ridiculing me for being so careless. It was under her wing where I learned everything I know now about vampires. It’s where I realized not all vampires endure sunlight as well as I do, if anything that one trait is what’s most unique about me according to her. But thats not the story I want to tell on these pages tonight. I want to tell the story of lieutenant Marsh and the real beginnings of the organization that would become Chimera.
When war came to Paris that summer I was unprepared. I never expected the war to spiral out of hand so quickly or for it to force me out of my home. I was with Belle and a few more of her friends whose names escape me waiting out the worst of it and hoping things would blow over in the city soon. Obviously we were completely misguided, it was that sense of invulnerability again just the same as when I was a boy. The world was our playground and nothing could hurt us. It didn’t help that in some ways I really was invulnerable and it went straight to my head.
Only flashes of my memory from that day remain. I remember the nazi soldier kicking in the door and firing at Belle’s friends. I remember the screaming that abruptly ended in a single gunshot. I remember the trail of blood leading to her friends body where it lay staked to the ground in the sun. We heal fast, not instantly but much faster than a human. Put us in sunlight though, and we’re just as fragile as a normal person. It was the first time I’d seen someone with abilities like ours die and it made me feel mortal again for the first time in decades.
The rest of the day is a disjointed blur. Belle and I fled the city, I blank out on the specifics of it but we made it out with some difficulty. After that we hunkered down for the night in a rickety old shack. I remember wanting to push on through the day but Belle protested, she didn’t deal with the sun as well as I did. When night finally fell we fled to the coast and managed to catch a ship heading towards the United States.
The trip was unpleasant to say the least, neither of us made good stowaways. We weren’t living life in the lap of luxury before by any means but we lived comfortably. This was a far cry from what we were used to in Paris and the welcome we received was even worse. Apparently fleeing for your own survival is a crime, both of us were separated and sent to prison on our arrival to the states for stowing away on the ship.
That was the last time I ever saw Belle, I get letters from her every now and then but I haven’t seen her in person since. She does well for herself, works in D.C. as a sort of handler for the supernatural. Regrettably she does work with Chimera, says they have the best interests at heart for the supernatural but she doesn’t see what I see out here. She doesn’t know the part I played in its creation, what it really stood for in the beginning. Chimera tends to kill first these days rather than actually try to help or give the supernatural some kind of place in the world. I think thats why I haven’t been to visit her, I just don’t want to argue with a friend as old as her. Funnily enough I don’t think anyone knows she’s a vampire. I doubt they’d take that very well, she’d probably lose her position. They must have suspicions though because theres no way she’d be able to get letters to me without Baelen knowing about it. Every few months they keep showing up though and I always make sure to write her back.
Anyways I’m getting off topic, back to my story. I was in prison for months until an offer came my way, serve the rest of my sentence or enlist in the army and be a free man when I came back, if I came back. Of course I took the offer, I didn’t realize how suspicious that deal sounded at the time but it actually played out exactly as they said. I also didn’t have much of a choice in the matter either. It was hard to get my hands on any blood when I was almost constantly under watch and I could feel the effects it was having on me. I figured it would be best to get a change of scenery.
The next week I was off to training then not long after, we shipped out to the trenches and met the commander of the platoon I’d been assigned to. That’s the first time I met Lieutenant Johnson Marsh and what a man he was. That first day I was convinced I’d never see a smile ever again, the trenches were a horrible depressing place. But there Marsh was, laughing and smiling and just generally enjoying life with the rest of the platoon. He was either crazy or stupid, thats what my first thoughts about him were. I remember those clearly even today but I couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything he may have turned out to be one of the smartest men I ever knew.
The first few weeks were spent holding our position from the germans. It was brutal but I found I was a decent shot with the rifle I was given. Marsh on the other hand spent those weeks barking orders at us and keeping us in line. He never used a rifle like most of the soldiers used. Instead he kept a Beretta m9 with him at all times. That weapon was the only one I ever saw him use. I remember the name only because he was so found of explaining everything there was to know about the gun to me whenever I questioned him about it. You could immediately recognize the pistol as his by its strange grip. One side of it had a picture of an idyllic scene of a manor house in the middle of a sprawling field. The other had a painting of a woman, his wife I’d guess but he never actually told me if that was there case. He seemed to spend the nights staring with longing at each side of the artistic grip.
I’d never really had a family, even with Belle I’d always felt like I was a bit of an outsider. There was so much I didn’t know about how normal people lived. Even though I’d had friends in Paris we were always kind of hidden away in our own personal corner. There was this separation between us and normal life, even between the other supernaturals in the area.
Here I felt like I was part of something though. Sure I was still lost but so was everyone else, we could be lost together and Marsh would always set us straight in the end. There was something about the man, some piece of him that just understood what we were all going through. He expected a lot from us but he was never unreasonable and several times even argued with command on our behalf when ridiculous orders came our way. I actually wanted to serve with him. The rest of the platoon wasn’t bad but they’d all been given the same deal as me. They were all just there to get out of prison. I’m still not sure what Marsh’s story was, he always kept that to himself but any of us would’ve taken a bullet for that man.
Our first real assignment came maybe three months into my period of indentured service. Our platoon was tasked with rescuing a captured American scientist and capturing a German scientist. The scientists in question were Frank Smith and Stein Hoffman and no, the irony of those names is not lost on me, fits the two of them though. I’m sure doctor Frankenstein wishes he was successful as those two. But before those orders could be acted on we had to overtake a German trench surrounding the compound they were staying in.
That fight was bloody and we lost several good men in the chaos. At one point a trench gun was shoved into my arms and I launched myself into the German trench. I wouldn’t be surprised if ghost stories are still passed around of what I did that day. After I made my way over and into the German trench I lashed out with all I had. Moving with superhuman speed and lashing out with both the bayonet affixed to my gun and my fangs, I fell upon the Germans. They stood little chance as I tore into them and all by my lonesome I ensured we’d face no more resistance.
Marsh was the first over into the now silent trench, I’m glad it was him because I’m not sure anyone else would’ve understood like him. I was holding the German officer to the trench wall, fangs buried in his neck as I fed when I heard footsteps behind me. I dropped him and turned to see Marsh staring questioningly at me. I must’ve been a sight to see, blood dripping from my mouth and covering my bullet torn uniform. Marsh steadied himself for a moment and shouted back to the rest of the platoon,
“Boys hold up a second! Just get down and stay up there a minute won’tcha!”
All of a sudden he took a step forward and a well mannered grin took its usual place on his lips.
“Though You didn’t care for sauerkraut J.?”
The joke stunned me, I fully expected him to shoot me then and there, put me down like the abomination I must’ve looked like to him.
“Lieutenant I…”
But Marsh raised his hands to cut me off.
“Command’d probably want me to shoot’cha, hell maybe I aught’a but I don’t think it’d be right. You seem decent, little odd sure but you’ve got heart, I see it in the way you look out for the boys. Plus I always figured there was some’n off about you. The way you stay out’a the light always seem a little faster and stronger than anyone got the right to be just didn’t figure it’d be…. That.”
Marsh told me pointing to the punctures in the officers neck.
“Thank you lieutenant, Could we keep this between us though sir?”
“Drop the formalities J. Jesus! We’re all friends here.”
“I just don’t want the others to know, they may not be as understanding as you.”
“No can do, but you can tell em’ yourself. Alright men, get on down here!”
In all my years I’d never had to explain myself to anyone up until that point. I guess that day my number was up but I never knew just how understanding people, normal people could be. I’d always lived around the supernatural in Paris, didn’t interact much with the normal people I saw in the streets every day, I didn’t have to. I’d always assumed there was a reason for that but in the moment I realized there wasn’t, not really. I’d just avoided normal people because I feared what they’d think if it came out that I wasn’t like them.
Of course There were some of the men that objected to… what I was. Most of them took after Marsh though. They didn’t really care what I was, I’d proven to them I was a good person and thats all that mattered. I just wish they’d been right about me back then because the truth was I still hadn’t learned to care, not really. Even the ones who objected came around eventually and that night Marsh finally came clean to me about why exactly he was so accepting.
According to him he’d always assumed there was more out there, things beyond human that lived on the fringes of society. Even he always thought he sounded crazy. I was the proof he needed to convince himself he wasn’t. Marsh also told me what we were really doing with the scientists. Both Frank and Stein researched the supernatural, their projects were as secret as secret could be. Marsh’s interests and theories, as personal as he tried to keep them showed up in his file somewhere. The higher ups had handpicked him for this mission because of it. The official story was that Frank had been captured but in reality he defected to further his own research with a like minded individual. Our mission was really to force Frank back into the fold and take Stein along with him.
The more he talked the more I could tell his heart was fully committed to this mission and the final assault tomorrow. I’d never seen someone so… alive. In my extremely long life I don’t think Id ever felt that kind of conviction myself. So I promised him I’d have his back tomorrow no matter what.
Morning broke and with it our assault began. Intel on the German defenses was shoddy at best but we never expected what we’d actually run into. At least three times our number acted as guards so a distraction was in order to give us a window of entry. A few of the men would handle the distraction “however they saw fit” to quote Marsh. Then Marsh and I would make our way into the compound itself and the rest of the platoon would cover us.
For what its worth most of the plan went off without a hitch. A tremendous explosion signaled Marsh and I to press the advantage and rush the confused soldiers that lay in front of us. Some actually turned and ran from me, apparently word of my stunt in the trenches yesterday had spread quickly. The rest of the platoon followed behind us but then our luck ran out with the roar of an engine.
An honest to god panzer tank rolled out of a tunnel we hadn’t seen that ran under the compound and turned its barrel towards us. I almost didn’t hear the blast from how slow time seemed to move. But move it did as the explosion of the shell’s impact scattered bodies left and right. The shell impacted behind us but the sheer force of the blast threw Marsh and I to the ground, knocking us unconscious.
When I slowly came to my eyes couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A man dressed in red priestly robes with a matching red top hat was walking between the bodies. When he approached one that groaned out with agony he’d kneel down and whisper things I couldn’t hear to them, after that he’d snap his fingers. sometimes the person he was talking with would disappear other times they would fall silent and sometimes it didn’t appear that anything happened at all.
Just the sight of the man terrified me and I wasn’t sure why. It was an instinctual reaction, the second I lay eyes on him I froze up and ice cold fear crept its way up my spine. When people accuse me of being the devil this man is who I think of. Even today I’m not sure what it is he does or why. What I do know is that he never looks the same. I’ve seen him appear as male, female, even as an animal on a few occasions but I can always tell. The second I’m near him no matter what he looks like the same old feeling comes over me.
Once my vision had finally focused in on the man he seemed to notice without ever looking at me. I blinked and suddenly he was there, kneeling over me.
“Would you like to live.”
He rasped down at me with a voice that seemed to boom around me no matter how quiet it must’ve actually been. I felt like a child again, staring at Archer for the first time. I’d never really had to fear death before but here I was, sure I was about to meet my end right here. In all honestly I wasn’t injured all that bad, I probably could’ve survived with or without this man help. But something told me that if I said no he’d make sure I would die right here.
“Ye…y… yes”
I stuttered out, barley able to form the words through the pain that stabbed throughout my body.
“You will be my instrument for one night at a time of me choosing.”
The man replied. I stayed silent as I stared into his eyes, trying to determine if the sunglasses he wore were tinted or if his eyes really did burn with an infernal red light. The man cocked his head as if waiting for a response to his question. I’m not sure if question was the right word though, there wasn’t much of a choice for me.
Looking back there was always a choice, maybe I could’ve survived on my own merits, found another way. In the years to come I’d wish I just said no, even if it would’ve cost me my life. But thats not what happened. I nodded and the deal maker snapped his fingers. As soon as he had dark clouds flooded the sky and blocked out the sun, allowing my body to begin repairing itself. The man moved on to where Marsh’s body lay and probably made him the same deal as I felt my body healing. Despite that, my consciousness faded again as I strained to try and hear what the man would say to Marsh.
We never actually discussed the man at all. Not then and not in the years since. Maybe that was all an unspoken part of Marsh’s deal. Maybe both of us just wished that man was nothing more than a waking dream, a vivid hallucination. Whatever the case neither of us ever mentioned that man to each other.
The next time I woke up I was chained to a table next to Marsh. We had been captured and brought before the very scientists we were here to apprehend. There were guards around but they all seemed to be waiting for some kind of order. I was certainly surprised when that order came in perfect English, even more surprised when the order was to let us down so we could talk.
Frank and Stein ended up being quite reasonable people. The two let us stay in relative comfort in the compound as long as we agreed to stay and leave them to their work. That was all the convincing it took for me. I understand that the men I’d served with were all dead and that these two were in some way responsible. Maybe that should’ve bothered me more, today it certainly would’ve. Back then I didn’t think the same way, they accepted me for what I was but only briefly, only out of respect for Marsh. What did the lives of people I’d known for so short a time really matter? Writing this now just makes me realize how cold I was before, I didn’t care for anything beyond myself. I’d made no efforts to find Belle since we were separated and how long had I known her, 100 years, more? I may have pretended I cared but when push came to shove I simply tried to make sure I survived.
Marsh wasn’t as cold as me, in fact he almost immediately reached for where his pistol should’ve been when he was unchained. It took Frank, Stein, and myself weeks to convince him that helping would be the right decision. He didn’t like it at first but little by little I think the scientists grew on him. The guards I’d seen our first day here seemed to thin out the longer we stayed. Wether that was a gesture of trust or simply because they were needed for more important duties I don’t know but it certainly eased Marsh’s mind.
I merely observed the scientists most of the time until Stein asked me for a sample of my blood. It didn’t surprise me that he knew what I was but for obvious reasons I was hesitant to give it to him, especially considering what I’d seen so called doctors do with vampire blood. Eventually he wore me down and I gave let him take a sample just to shut him up. After that I became more involved in their research though not by choice. They had me showcasing my abilities and tested the effects of sunlight on my blood. On a few rare occasions Stein even injected it into other prisoners that were brought in, something I put a stop to very quickly. T
hat sample of blood is why Frank and Stein are still around today. Somehow they managed to isolate whatever part of my DNA allows me to age so much slower than a normal person. They took that and spliced it into their own DNA against my recommendations. The crazy thing was it actually worked. Sure they had a newfound appreciation for rare steaks but beyond that I didn’t notice any of the effects that combining vampire DNA with your own would usually have.
As Marsh and I assisted the scientist’s research however we could we both came to the realization that they needed each other to function. Stein lacked a moral compass and was prone to suggest unethical or risky procedures, sometimes going so far as to carry them out without informing Frank. Frank on the other hand preferred caution in everything he did and sometimes I noticed him personally taking and shredding requests Stein had written for test subjects, hazardous materials, or samples from supernatural entities. The two kept a very delicate dance of checks and balances. Stein ever the daring mad scientist and Frank always playing the role of overly cautious genius.
Marsh and Frank got along extremely well near the end. The two would be up at all hours of the night as Frank explained what kind of things really existed in the world. Marsh always shared these ideas of a world where the supernatural and the normal could live together and I think Frank shared that vision. It wasn’t possible, still isn’t but treating the supernatural as something other than monsters couldn’t possibly be a bad thing. I think thats where the idea of the Bureau of Supernatural Affairs really came from, those talks Marsh had with anyone who would listen.
Overtime one of our favorite conversations was what we would do when the war was over and we could leave this compound. Stein wasn’t sure he would, if his research wasn’t going to a man who’d simply use it to cause more conflict he wouldn’t mind staying. Frank wanted to return home, if that was even possible and he asked if Stein would join him. Those two had also become close friends through our months in the lab. That checks and balances relationship they had made them basically inseparable. Marsh’s answer surprised me though, he said he wanted to get out of the military and start a program, something to help the supernatural live closer to normal lives. At least keep tabs on them so that the quality of their lives might improve. I was stunned, I couldn’t believe he’d throw his career away just to chase this pipe dream of his. I didn’t even know Marsh was concerned with that kind of thing. I didn’t have an answer of my own so I said I’d join Marsh and help with this program idea of his. Actually, even Frank and Stein seemed to agree with Marsh’s way of thinking. Little did we know the war would end less than a month after our talk and we’d all get the chance to actually put Marsh’s little idea to the test.
Once the Americans had come and discovered the compound pretty much abandoned aside from us we were all taken prisoner and shipped back to America. We were all interrogated and they either heard what they wanted to hear, or decided anyone we’d talk to about our experiences would assume we were just crazy. We were released back into society under constant surveillance. They even gave us a sizable home in D.C., it was certainly bugged to its core but thats exactly what we wanted.
Through the next year we used Frank and Steins knowledge and my supernatural nature to track down entities all over the country. We made sure that everything was discussed and planned out in the house. That way however was listening knew exactly what we were doing and how successful it was. It wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows though, some entities would rather we didn’t know about them. Others were naturally aggressive but some we were actually able to help.
Our escapades as a group of four didn’t last much past the first year. Mostly because our master plan of using the bugs worked perfectly. Ol’ uncle Sam had been listening in and wanted his chance at calling the shots but it meant we became a legitimate organization, the BSA. Technically the acronym was already taken but no one ever complained and Marsh never came up with anything better.
We spent 4 years doing everything we could to improve the lives of supernatural beings everywhere. Not every one of our endeavors was a success but we did some good in the world. One such project was blood banks for vampires. While the blood that gets donated is used for transfusions and the like some was put into cold storage for the BSA. That got distributed to vampires who had come to an agreement with us to stop hunting humans for blood. Some vampires were even selected for jobs at these blood banks, under the supervision of BSA agents of course.
The more human supernaturals like werewolves, vampires, and succubi even used us to find jobs in the world. We made in roads for the supernatural in daily life because of it. Werewolves would use their strength for government construction. Vampire’s long lives made them excellent archivists or history teachers because they actually been there for those events. A succubus’s ability to understand and control someones emotions and reactions made them excellent therapists and conflict deescalation specialists. Those are just some of the fields we managed to get the supernatural involved in. While they usually had to hide their natural they were wildly successful.
Everything went well until that fourth year when I first met Baelen. He was headstrong from the beginning, the powers that be were grooming him for leadership. He was everything they wanted, he followed orders and didn’t question things to much. In short, he was the perfect solution to the inconvenience the four of us caused running the organization as we saw fit. But baleen had a mean streak, he didn’t want to protect the supernatural so much as he wanted to put them in their place. Unfortunately a lot of the research we provided had scared pretty much everyone above us who had never even entertained the idea of the supernatural until now. That meant Baelen’s ideas of monitoring and segregating the supernatural population were popular. So popular that suggesting culling their numbers to keep them in check and under the thumb of the BSA was an idea they actually entertained. That sentiment caught on and our orders became more and more militant.
Every time we disregarded them to do things the way we had envisioned the consequence grew steeper. Eventually Frank, Stein, Marsh, and I just couldn’t stand to see what our BSA had become so we left. We couldn’t do anything else to stop what was coming from the inside, no point in going down with the ship.
After that Baelen quickly ended up heading the whole operation. He still took orders directly from government officials and when the BSA became part of homeland security it became Chimera division. Why they chose such a stupid name I’ll never know but the organization was a shadow of its former self. Before we looked out for the supernatural, tried to help. Under Baelen Chimera just exists to monitor the supernatural and “correct” any issues uncle Sam decides to have with them. They’re glorified enforcers that don’t give a damn how the supernatural actually have it. That’s not to say some good people don’t work for them, people like Belle and even Marsh’s own daughter as far as I’m aware.
It sickens me to think I was a part of it though, for all the good we did maybe it would’ve been better if Johnson Marsh’s pipe dream would’ve stayed just that. I can do a lot but I can’t change the past so I guess we’ll never know. A while ago I heard that something had happened in a little nowhere town out in New Mexico. Pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth. The only reason I even heard about it was through Belle’s letters. Apparently Chimera had to do some huge cover up job and decided it was better if the town just never existed. Maybe I should go myself and see if I can’t piece what happened together. Could be that someone else out there has it in for Chimera and is a whole lot more direct about it than me. I’m just imaging it was some runaway experiment Frank and Stein got up to. I wonder where those two ended up, I’ll have to check up on them sometime. This journal writing is digging up a lot of memories for me but thats probably a good thing. Write them down before I forget again. I think that’ll be all for today then, why do I keep addressing these like someone’s reading them? Not much point to that is there?