Facebook ascii happy birthday cake

My Birthday is coming up and i'm dreading it. At my job they collect everyone's birthday and make a list. Then when the date comes they buy a cake, which you have to cut infront of everybody and they sing happy birthday to you and then bombard you with questions about what your going to be doing. Which is ok, if your a normal. If you have SA, you have the attention of the whole office on you. Even if you skip the day, they'll postpone it and do it on the next day your in the office. I haven't cared about my b-day for years but it is now a day of dread because of this. How would you handle this?

Hello, I’ve got a question about social media and dating. I have been seeing someone for five months. It’s quite serious and we are talking about moving in together. I am happy, it is fun and we are working hard to establish good foundations for our relationship.
But there is just one sticking point. Despite being active on Facebook he will not be friends with me on there and goes silent when I mention it. I am not pushing for a declaration of the relationship on social media, but I do find it offensive that he is ringfencing his social media in this way.
Would it be a red flag for you?

Looking to sell my daily driver as I am trying to get my fiancee out of her abusive mother's home with me to move up north for a new life. I'm wanting to get the money to pay the move in fees and first month's rent. I wish I didn't have to resort to this but it's all I can do to secure a future for us somewhere we can be happy together.
Here's the listing for you guys.
Thank you for clicking on this post. Keep your wheels down ladies and gentlemen.

My first time posting and I just need to get this off my chest to have a better understanding. So buckle up this is going to be a long post… Names and dates have changed for protection of myself and others.
So back in 2013 I started college. I meet my core group of friends and one in particular had a very single good looking best friend. I was introduced to him. We hit it off! And ended up dating through college. We both graduated and got our degrees. There was a few hiccups that made the relationship rocky. Unfortunately we fell to the hiccups and our relationship ended in 2017. The years to follow I had asked my close friend about how he was doing and hoped all was well. I wished him nothing but the best and hoped he’d find someone to marry and have kids with. I had spoke to him once or twice after him and I had broke up. Once I found out he was dating someone I cut contact with him. By that I mean, I no longer texted him or reached out. We were more acquaintances than anything. I still had my ex’s family on Facebook after all these years. We ended things on good terms. The last thing he said to me was if you need anything give me a call. Well I would ask my friend how he was doing and what not. He told me he found a girl.(2021) I verbatim said I hope he is happy with her and hope she makes him happy. A year later they were engaged, married and had a kid all in less than a year.
I know I may sound odd/crazy for doing this. Hear me out. But when I heard they were expecting I sent them a baby gift addressed to the family. Note: I was also having very traumatic nightmares for like 2 years involving my ex. To the point I never thought they were going to go away. Also keep in mind by this point in our lives I have NOT spoken to or reached out in any way shape or form in nearly 4 years. So I thought for some dumb reason this would help the night mares go away. I boxed it up and mailed it. And I felt some type of weight lift off my shoulders. Why I couldn’t tell ya. Oddly enough nightmares stopped.
Fast forward to present day. I scrolled though my Facebook and notice my ex’s grandpa passed away on his moms side. I’m still friend with his mom on Facebook she is a very sweet kind Lady! She reminds me a lot of my own mom! Our friendship never really ended. We didn’t speak on a daily basis but still knew each other. So when I found out her father had passed away I reached out to her and shared my condolences and sympathy via private message. Note:(my own father has passed 2 years back. I can in a way relate to what she may or may not be feeling.) Everyone experience grief on multiple levels and in different ways. I kept the message very simple and to the point I quote “I’m so sorry to hear about your dad! my heart aches for you! Sending hugs!” Not but 30 min later I get a very unexpected nasty gram from my exes wife. In a very short sentence to sum up the whole “story” of her message is: “you have inserted yourself into our life multiple time on big events and it need to stop and you need to know your place. Have a great night. “ I have never spoken to this woman ever. Nor do I know who she is. And I know I haven’t inserted myself into thier life. she is putting me there and allowing the thought of me to take up space. I didn’t reply. Not because I don’t want to but because I don’t feel like wasting much more time on being nice to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. If you made it this far thanks for coming to by Ted talk.

I F24 messed up everything. I’ve been with my partner M35 for almost 3 years. I know the age difference is big, but in his defence I lied about my age on the dating app so that I could meet older men. He knew from the first date and decided to still give it a try. Anyways, we’ve always been perfect. Never a single argument, we always resolve everything. He’s bought a new flat and is waiting for the keys, which should’ve happened weeks ago but solicitors are awful. For the last 2-3 months we’ve been living at my mums house as he had to move out quickly of his old flat due to a crazy roommate and my mum was more than happy to have him here. This is where the issues started. My mum is very dependant on me emotionally, more than what is healthy, so is my younger sister. I’ve been struggling to be a daughter and a girlfriend. I’ve been feeling suffocated etc, whatever.
Anyways, thoughts started running through my mind about the relationship and doubts, I’ve never moved in with a man before, what if it all becomes a shit show? We usually have sex everyday but that’s been difficult at my mums. We always reconnect with each other through sex and without it, we’ve been tense. So to the cheating- he went on a business trip for 2 weeks. I meet up with friends on a weekly basis for an activity. I’d like to say my partner and I are very flirty with everyone, it’s just how we are together and separately. My friends know this and we always have a little flirt. It’s 2 girls and 1 guy. When we travel for dinner after our activity, the two girls go together as they’re closer and I go with the guy, someone I’ve known since I was 5. We were always flirty as kids and teens but were never close or anything. Anyways, in the car he kisses me and after a while I kiss back. I really enjoyed it, we were flirty all night. I knew it was wrong but it felt so good to have something new and exciting. I didn’t want him, I knew he wouldn’t be as good as my partner or anywhere near as fun, but for some reason I loved it. For the rest of the week I was excited about it. I don’t know why, I’m young and dumb and then it hit me how bad it all was. It wasn’t just a kiss, it was quite passionate, there was grabbing and touching and afterwards flirty messages that I’ve had to delete out of disgust and guilt.
The guilt is eating me alive. I know I need to tell him but I don’t know how. It’s his birthday in 2 days, we have a huge party on the weekend. Regardless of that, how do I tell him while he’s still living at my mums? What if he wants to go somewhere else, where will he go? I don’t know how he’ll react. He loves me so much. I love him so much, but clearly I lack respect. I can’t even use the drunk excuse as I was sober when I was texting the days after. Do I wait until he gets the new flat so he can make the decision to leave and have his own space? He’s my best friend, my confidant, my comedian, my sexy man, my home, and i fucked it all for what? A passionate kiss to make me forget my living situation?
This is no excuse, but it has been hard at home. My mum goes through a lot, I am basically a second parent to my sister who is now experimenting with drugs, things aren’t easy and I always went to my boyfriends as an escape at times. I think I went crazy without that escape and made a stupid mistake. The worst part is that I enjoyed the thrill when it happened. I’m so angry at myself. I still get butterflies for my boyfriend, I’ve been thrilled enough. Now I can’t believe I’ve done something to hurt him. I feel it’s best to not tell him and move on but at the same time it’s eating me alive and he needs to know so he can decide what to do. He’s said in the past he’d forgive me for cheating (it was a weird topic we were on) but I can’t hold him to that. I have to tell him, but when? How? If he does forgive me, how do I forgive myself? I can’t imagine him looking at me differently. I’ve been acting weird for weeks because I feel I don’t deserve him, and I don’t. He makes these grand gestures of his love, he genuinely loves me so so much and I’m about to ruin it all.. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’m descending into madness, all deserved, but I want it to stop. Please help me
TLDR- I doubted my relationship with my partner of almost 3 years and kissed an old friend, it’s eating me alive. Don’t know how to tell my bf as we are both currently living in my mother’s house until he gets his flat keys.

I suspect my sister is narcissistic with enabling parents. I was considering going no-contact with my family minus a brother I’m close to 3 years ago and was almost out until my father died in a freak accident and I got roped back in. My sister has spent the last 30 years making my life a living hell and my parents never stuck up for me or protected me from her. My mother, now alone, is terrified of her. We had a shitty childhood and all have different survival tactics, but after going to therapy for four years now, I’ve gotten away from those and surround myself with happy, healthy, amazing, supportive people. In regard to family, I keep my distance when I can (living 3.5 hours away helps), but often am the one everyone turns to when shit goes sideways to fix everything, calm people down, figure out what to do next. I’m tired of it, especially now realizing no one does the same for me.
I recently got married and had a 40 person head count, with 38 yeses. After a bunch of random crap, 13 of my 20 invitees flaked 3 days to 2 hours before the party, all of which were very, very close family members including a brother and two of my BILs. Had I known this, with ample timing, I would have invited more friends who WOULD have shown, but due to family taking up so much of the headcount, I couldn’t extend invites to them all. I vented to my mother who said at least I have my sister coming, who I said was only invited since the others were and she has never been nice to me or my husband - which my mother agreed with and said was a self-centered survival thing. I said she should learn a little kindness which would get her far. She despises my husband, who is genuinely as nice as can be, even to a fault. Doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, god bless him. But he supports me and loves me and we do well off each other and thrive, which she doesn’t like. Other siblings have commented on the fact she treats him so poorly when he is nothing but so kind to her.
Come party, 2 hours in and she’s nowhere to be seen. We’re waiting around to cut cakes since her household consisted of 5 people and we didn’t want to have people randomly walk in on it and ruin the photographs, miss the momentous moment, etc. My brother gets in touch with her and relays the message that I’m a monster, I’m childish and horrible and never welcome her to anything and I’m irrelevant and no one likes me which is why everyone bailed on me and I should be embarrassed. The only person I said those things to was my mother (who couldn’t come to party due to health reasons). I spent a majority of my wedding party crying on a fire escape because I was so upset by her words, so upset that everyone bailed, and so upset I didn’t follow my gut inviting other friends who would have come over obligatory family invites. I blocked my sister and her friend who joined in on her meanness. She has taken to emailing and texting me under spoof emails and phone numbers. Calling me irrelevant, embarrassing, disgusting, ugly, childish, greedy, no one showed up because they don’t like me, never been liked, etc.
My mother has spoken to her, but hasn’t reached out to me since the party when I said I was hurt at what she shared in confidence and need to think about what I want from this family anymore. My mother swears she went through her phone and saw the messages, but other parts of her (mothers) story don’t align. My mother historically has victim mindset over everything and could do no wrong.
I’m hurt, I’m upset. My husband has been amazing, but he doesn’t have any family that we could lean on ever. I’m torn between going fully no contact between my siblings who enable my sister, my mother who is emotionally abusive and enables her and doesn’t protect the rest of us, and calling it a day. Or going no contact with siblings, low contact with my mother, and never returning until they get their shit together and go to therapy. I just don’t know what is best anymore since I know my mom will never stand up to her. Family is all I’ve ever really had outside a close knit group of 3 friends, so it’s hard to go from everything to nothing in the blink of an eye.
Ever since my dad died and my sister took over, I have felt like I don’t have a spot in the family anymore. My sisters best friend of 15 years has always wanted to be apart of our big family since she had a dysfunctional one herself, and joins us on family vacations, Christmas, every waking moment. She is just as bad as my sister, and my sister is her only friend so she bows down to her. Since dad died, it’s like my sister and her friend don’t want me in the family and want to give the bff my daughter spot and to ostracize me. All of this is making me spiral and spiral and spiral. I haven’t been this bad mentally in a really, REALLY long time and it’s triggering me a lot.
I feel like as a woman, I’m held to a different caliber than the others. My brothers could do whatever they damn well please, and they do, and everyone turns a blind eye. With my sister being the oldest, she gets the same treatment. I am overwhelmed with what this family puts me through. My husband doesn’t have any family anymore for us to lean on, spend holidays with, etc. How do you move on? How do you find peace? How do you be okay with the fact nothing will ever change in this dynamic so it’s all or nothing?
FWIW - have an amazing therapist, amazing support group. Am ok, just sad and upset.

Should I give up and move on? I don’t really know why I’m even asking the question because deep down I know the answer. At the end of last year I (23 M) was dating this girl (20 F). She studies in a different city so we didn’t see each other that much but we connected very well, and very soon I was starting to fall hard for her. After a few parties together we were spending the weekend together. This went very well and for the first time in my life I was in love. I have to tell you also that I have never been in a relationship before and I was a virgin. She knew this but didn’t make a big deal out of it which I loved. This weekend was a week before Christmas. We verbally agreed that we would see each other on new years evening.
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much!

Should I give up and move on? I don’t really know why I’m even asking the question because deep down I know the answer. At the end of last year I (23 M) was dating this girl (20 F). She studies in a different city so we didn’t see each other that much but we connected very well, and very soon I was starting to fall hard for her. After a few parties together we were spending the weekend together. This went very well and for the first time in my life I was in love. I have to tell you also that I have never been in a relationship before and I was a virgin. She knew this but didn’t make a big deal out of it which I loved. This weekend was a week before Christmas. We verbally agreed that we would see each other on new years evening.
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much!

Close to the start of last month me (23m) and my girlfriend (21f) broke up. It was completely my fault and I did repeated actions that had caused problems before. This was my first serious realtionship it lasted 1 year and 3 months. A few days after she asked if we could still be friends or at the very least fuck buddies.
Well yesterday was my 24th Birthday and it was horrible. The conversations with people just coming to a standstill and being left on read/ sent. Hurt so much I haven't felt this alone. To make matters worse the day prior I had got back home from taken my ex on a 3.5 hour drive to her new job and helped her unpack (I had offered). The state of the staff living were horrible. So I don't blame for asking me to help repack her and driving her home. I don't think trip was a waste. I felt so good spending almost 2 days with her alone.
But to go from that to feeling so alone and having being left on sent for 24+ hours now on top of how I was already feeling really sucks. I reached to my friend of 19 years (23m) and told him about how lost and alone I felt. The worst part is any notification I get washes this feel dread and isolation untill I see it wasn't her,The feeling just gets bigger. At least other people messaged even if it was just happy birthday
I know that she's alive at the very least I cause I can see her actively play a game on steam then when she leaves it idleing on said game
TL;Dr 24m and 21f broke up a month ago spent over 24hours with her the next day on my birthday I feel like everyone ghosted me especially my ex who wanted to stay friends/fwbs

i (25 f) have been dating my gf (22 f) for almost a year now. we live together and things have been great.
she has a very close knit family. she’s extremely close to her twin and her parents. because of that, we have a lot of family time. i have a good time most of the time, but specifically her mom rubs me the wrong way sometimes. it’s become hard to attend family gatherings as they are almost every weekend and i feel like i don’t have time to recharge after being around her.
for example, we went to a dinner last weekend. they are hispanic and i am not, so i only know a bit of spanish. she made a whole scene pointing out how i don’t know the language and laughed about me to the waitress, right in front of me. i understood enough to know she was being mean. she then tried to not tip the waitress and told me to just pay the whole bill when i offered some cash to tip. she ended up paying it but she wasn’t happy that i immediately agreed and offered to pay.
the weekend before, she took her daughters to get their nails done and offered to bring me. i thanked her and said i already got mine done with my mom for a mother’s day gift. she cut me off and said “you’re white you have money.” i mean…i’m a teacher so i can pay my bills but i genuinely had to budget for these nails.
she’s constantly commenting on what i wear, expecting me to wear far more revealing things than i’m comfortable with. she made me change for a party once and i was crying in the bathroom. constantly threatening to take my gf away if we don’t include her “other baby.” (they’re 22). constantly twisting the truth to make her a victim (pretending like we didn’t ask her if she wanted food at a restaurant we stopped at for example).
my gf knows i feel this way and will stand up for me in the moment but nothing changes. we have to see her mom again this weekend and she says i don’t need to come with, but it’s celebrating her dads birthday and i want to be present.
if you don’t like your in laws, how do you balance being present for your partner and protecting your mental health?

I F24 messed up everything. I’ve been with my partner M35 for almost 3 years. I know the age difference is big, but in his defence I lied about my age on the dating app so that I could meet older men. He knew from the first date and decided to still give it a try. Anyways, we’ve always been perfect. Never a single argument, we always resolve everything. He’s bought a new flat and is waiting for the keys, which should’ve happened weeks ago but solicitors are awful. For the last 2-3 months we’ve been living at my mums house as he had to move out quickly of his old flat due to a crazy roommate and my mum was more than happy to have him here. This is where the issues started. My mum is very dependant on me emotionally, more than what is healthy, so is my younger sister. I’ve been struggling to be a daughter and a girlfriend. I’ve been feeling suffocated etc, whatever.
Anyways, thoughts started running through my mind about the relationship and doubts, I’ve never moved in with a man before, what if it all becomes a shit show? We usually have sex everyday but that’s been difficult at my mums. We always reconnect with each other through sex and without it, we’ve been tense. So to the cheating- he went on a business trip for 2 weeks. I meet up with friends on a weekly basis for an activity. I’d like to say my partner and I are very flirty with everyone, it’s just how we are together and separately. My friends know this and we always have a little flirt. It’s 2 girls and 1 guy. When we travel for dinner after our activity, the two girls go together as they’re closer and I go with the guy, someone I’ve known since I was 5. We were always flirty as kids and teens but were never close or anything. Anyways, in the car he kisses me and after a while I kiss back. I really enjoyed it, we were flirty all night. I knew it was wrong but it felt so good to have something new and exciting. I didn’t want him, I knew he wouldn’t be as good as my partner or anywhere near as fun, but for some reason I loved it. For the rest of the week I was excited about it. I don’t know why, I’m young and dumb and then it hit me how bad it all was. It wasn’t just a kiss, it was quite passionate, there was grabbing and touching and afterwards flirty messages that I’ve had to delete out of disgust and guilt.
The guilt is eating me alive. I know I need to tell him but I don’t know how. It’s his birthday in 2 days, we have a huge party on the weekend. Regardless of that, how do I tell him while he’s still living at my mums? What if he wants to go somewhere else, where will he go? I don’t know how he’ll react. He loves me so much. I love him so much, but clearly I lack respect. I can’t even use the drunk excuse as I was sober when I was texting the days after. Do I wait until he gets the new flat so he can make the decision to leave and have his own space? He’s my best friend, my confidant, my comedian, my sexy man, my home, and i fucked it all for what? A passionate kiss to make me forget my living situation?
This is no excuse, but it has been hard at home. My mum goes through a lot, I am basically a second parent to my sister who is now experimenting with drugs, things aren’t easy and I always went to my boyfriends as an escape at times. I think I went crazy without that escape and made a stupid mistake. The worst part is that I enjoyed the thrill when it happened. I’m so angry at myself. I still get butterflies for my boyfriend, I’ve been thrilled enough. Now I can’t believe I’ve done something to hurt him. I feel it’s best to not tell him and move on but at the same time it’s eating me alive and he needs to know so he can decide what to do. He’s said in the past he’d forgive me for cheating (it was a weird topic we were on) but I can’t hold him to that. I have to tell him, but when? How? If he does forgive me, how do I forgive myself? I can’t imagine him looking at me differently. I’ve been acting weird for weeks because I feel I don’t deserve him, and I don’t. He makes these grand gestures of his love, he genuinely loves me so so much and I’m about to ruin it all.. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’m descending into madness, all deserved, but I want it to stop. Please help me
TLDR- I doubted my relationship with my partner of almost 3 years and kissed an old friend, it’s eating me alive. Don’t know how to tell my bf as we are both currently living in my mother’s house until he gets his flat keys.

I (24F) am having issues with my friend group over the man (31M) that I picked. I’ll have to provide the long background story for context.
My friend group consists of several individuals. The specific few I will talk about I will refer to as “J” “M” and “A.” They are all (24F). J and M are a couple. These girls seem to have the strongest opinion about the ordeal. I met my friends in middle/high school. We didn’t become close until our college years. I love these people and we’ve gone on many trips and shared many experiences together.
In early 2023, I was asked out by a guy who frequented my place of work. He had apparently noticed me for some time. It is quite rare for me to “date,” but something about him gave me the sense I could trust him. He gave off good vibes overall. We went on a date a few days later and discovered we have everything in common. EVERYTHING. From our morals, values, hobbies, childhood upbringing, family dilemmas, favorite foods, love for traveling, etc. we are the same person in two separate bodies. The date was such a success and I knew then in my gut that he was going to be someone special.
Unfortunately, our beginning took a turn. We initiated dates back and forth that fell through due to valid reasons dealing with weather, conflicting schedules, etc. During this break between dates, he took the time to think if he was ready to start a new relationship. Although he liked me a lot, he was a little unsure unbeknownst to me. He’d been in several relationships before and they ended with him getting hurt whether they ended on good or bad terms. He was getting cold feet and didn’t know how to communicate that to me. He didn’t want to officially end it and he also didn’t want to lead me on so he said nothing for awhile. Although it wasn’t necessarily thought out, he was buying himself time until he knew how he felt (I learned all this later on). Then came about a month with no contact. During this time, he was dealing with family drama and I was becoming anemic. I eventually did need a blood transfusion. I mention this because that month apart went by fast and we didn’t have much time to linger over the thought of each other. I did notice he hadn’t reached out though. I’m certain now that he wouldn’t have ignored my messages had I sent any, but I was honestly waiting for him to reach out first. I was a little hurt to think that he had changed his mind and didn’t have the guts to tell me.
Sometime in that next month, when I returned to work after my hospital stay, I saw him at my job. I thought he saw me. He left and said nothing. I was actually devastated. He had been so kind and I didn’t know why he had a change of heart. At least he should’ve told me about it anyway. I decided that I was going to text him that night. I mentioned I had seen him at work, thanked him for the initial first date, apologized for not reaching out on my end, and I sort of wished him farewell under the assumption he wasn’t interested. It was very professional and I let him know that there were no hard feelings had he changed his mind. I was expecting some lame, typical excuse response if I even got one. He sent back this long text message apologizing, explaining himself, and asking me questions. He explained his fears and asked if we could start a “friendship” of sorts to keep a slow pace. There was chemistry of course, but he was afraid of me and now I was afraid of him. There was enough there to where we wanted to spend time together, but I needed to be sure I could trust him with my feelings and he also needed to be sure he could trust me with his heart. To this, I agreed to see him again.
We spent time going on casual dates and talking a lot. He became my friend. We talked a lot about what happened with the break over the following months. I told him how hurt I was and how communication is important to me. He understands the impact of going no contact abruptly. It has been entirely resolved and I also take responsibility in my part of not reaching out to him either. Ever since the break, he became consistent. We’ve talked every single day since. He was patient with me and I was patient with him. We earned each other’s trust and are now madly in love. It happened slowly and quietly. I have never met such a soft, kind, understanding, sensitive man. I am more myself with him than I ever have been before. If soulmates are real, then he is mine.
Now to the tea. Of course, my friends knew (most) all of this. I told them about the big events as they were happening. They were excited for me on my first date, they sympathized with me when he no longer reached out, etc. They were surely surprised when I decided to spend time with him again. I asked them to trust me. I didn’t think he was a bad guy. What happened was a mistake. As my man and I spent more time, my friend J would reach out asking me questions about him. I told only her about my concerns in the beginning. Back then, I was guarded and nervous to proceed, but it was something I knew I had to do. I had to find out for sure what kind of person he was.
Now, J, she’s a fireball. I love that girl, but I’ll admit she’s one to hold a grudge, keep score, and quietly judge. She’d never admit it. I made a mistake in choosing her as my confidant in those early days. I was looking for advice when speaking to her because I do value her opinion. She then went and told the other friends in my group, M and A included, about my man—what a bad person he seems to be, using her words, which frankly, are very different from mine. What makes me mad is she got to tell them about him, not me. Not even any of the positives either. This was all before they had even met him and they already didn’t like him. They had no problem scolding me for being with him.
Months down the road, I arranged a meeting for everyone. My friends thought a bar would be a great place. Still not sure about that. It was awkward. Nobody talked more than a few words. My man was shy and my friends didn’t really do anything to make him feel welcome. I was the only one babbling all night it seems like. You’d think that as time goes on, it’d be different. More meetings will help everyone be comfortable. Nope. Every time after was awkward. They haven’t spoken more than a few words to him at a time. It’s very “surface level” talk even now—a year later.
My last birthday had come around and J, M, and A took me out for drinks. It turned into a lecture session about how I seriously need to break up with him. They scolded me on “allowing a man to waste my time.” They criticized his career choice, our age difference, his “character,” etc. Mind you, this is based off of this one mistake and a few other things that I mentioned to J in private that were no longer an issue. I cried myself to sleep that night thinking I was going to have to break up with him to please them.
Of course, I couldn’t. They still invite him to events and friend functions out of politeness, but it’s always the same. They don’t acknowledge him. It makes me especially sad when my man makes comments like, “I’ve never seen so many shy people in one room” (He thinks my friends are just shy when they’re really just ignoring him). He’s printed out their pictures for our scrapbook and labeled them as “new friends.” I haven’t told him the truth and I probably never will.
A few months ago, J, M, me, and my man had plans to go to this local indie concert. Tickets are free. The concert was on a Friday. The next day, Saturday, was scheduled for my man’s nephew’s 2nd Birthday Party. His brother’s family would be traveling from out of town to celebrate their son. Well, things didn’t go according to plan. The brother decided to come a day early, the day of the concert. I should have cancelled the concert date then when I learned this news, but I told J and M we were still coming because my man still wanted to go. We figured we’d be able to sneak away since the brother had come by himself and wanted to come over and take a nap since he works odd hours. Well, my man’s dad dropped by and the brother didn’t take his nap as he’d planned. Now, having company over with expectations, I made the difficult decision to cancel with my friends last minute. I realize it is rude, but something came up. I didn’t see how we could go anymore.
My friends let me have it. J and M were so angry. They told me how rude we were and how disrespectful it was to their time to opt out of the concert which was free and in town by the way. There was also the two of them and they could have easily gone on a date. I think it would’ve been equally rude to leave our company or rush them out the door. I picked my battle. I should have gave them more notice, but I didn’t know we weren’t going until the last minute. It couldn’t have happened any other way. We fought over text for awhile. She accused me of being so different now, saying and doing things out of the ordinary for me. The truth is, I’m just growing up. J ended the conversation saying, “Well, we’re just going to stay mad.” She claimed to understand my circumstance, but she didn’t. We didn’t talk for weeks after.
I eventually got invited to a breakfast date to which I declined. I have been avoiding all of them for awhile. I keep getting “I miss yous” from J. She keeps asking when we’re gonna hang out next. It’s also true that J and M are now moving 4 hours away at the end of the month. My problem may solve itself. That does sound awful though. I feel like an asshole. I have not been a good or present friend lately. I’m so busy, tired, and I have no room for petty drama. I’m not giving up my friends yet, but I will gladly choose this boy over them. He’s given me more peace in one year than they have in five years.
My boy and I are now engaged. I told my friends the news. They said some nice things I guess. J texted to let me know “If I’m really happy, she’ll support me.” This would be nicer if it was coming from a concerned friend. To me, this whole situation feels controlling. It’s more than concern. There’s venom behind it. They don’t care about the wedding either. They don’t ask me fun questions or get excited when it comes up. When I eventually explained how he proposed, they seemed disinterested. I could tell they were judging the experience. When I finally showed J the engagement ring in person all she said was, “Take it off” in a snippy tone so she could try it on.
I’m so disappointed in my friends. I always wanted a big friend group and especially to share this big milestone with. I haven’t even gotten excited about wedding planning because I’m dreading going over the bridesmaids list. Anyway, if you’ve made it this far, thanks for listening. I definitely need to get this off my chest and outta my life. I can’t believe I’m losing my friends over a boy.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7yZRv2vOOcrpShOQCwWgaF?si=4Tru-2sETHmBDzsNmCmqiw