Sorry for bad punctuation and grammar, typing on phone!
This happened in 2022, not long found out about it as trying to boost credit score!
I used to be with vodaphone, on pay monthly, paid everything on time not one slip up, got a new phone and sim with vodaphone, I had a phone call with vodaphone to cancel the old sim and they said they would cancel it but never did, few months later I get a letter from (Zinc credit management) demanding I pay £100.10 before a certain date or it would go into default and affect my credit, so as soon as I got the letter I paid the debt. Even tho it’s not my mistake and have even asked vodaphone for the phone call when discussing canceling my old sim but they wouldn’t send it over.
I paid the debt in full to zinc 25 July 2022 and a default was added to my credit on 1 December 2022 still saying I owe the debt!
What can I do and how can I protest this? Thank you in advance and sorry for bad grammar

"Good-bye, lover-- It's been fun... And I always did want to go in battle. You get to keep your planet, kid... Don't forget me... Don't forget me"
Bio: Val Armorr was the son of Japan's greatest crimelord, Kirau Nezumi, also known as Black Dragon, When he was born, his mother, the American secret agent Valentina Armorr, tried to hide him from his father, but she failed and was killed for her affront. Japan's biggest hero Sensei Toshiaki, the White Crane, eventually killed Black Dragon for his crimes and adopted the infant Val. He raised Val as if he were his own son, and trained him in all manner of the martial arts.
Origin in scan form ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
Alternate look at his origin ^{(Secrets of the Legion of Super-Heroes #2})
Databook entries

• Superboy #205
• All-New Collector's Edition #55
• Who's Who: The Definitive Directory of the DC Universe #12
• Who's Who in the Legion of Superheroes #3
• DC Comics Encyclopedia: Updated and Expanded
• All New DC Comics Encyclopedia

Original Val

Strength
Note: Karate Kid needs to concentrate and channel his chi to perform feats of strength ^{(Adventure Comics #359})

• In his origin, chops through a steel beam ^{(Adventure Comics #346})
• Chops through a spaceship hull ^{(Adventure Comics #347})
• Lightning Lad flashes back to Karate Kid stopping a car with a single chop ^{(Adventure Comics #351})
• Knocks out a Jovian Mastodon and a Tricorn Beast with a single strike each, and judo throws a Sloth Ape ^{(Adventure Comics #358})
• Chops through two trees in one swing ^{(Adventure Comics #358})
• Analyzes some thick gates, then chops through them ^{(Adventure Comics #360})
• Kicks away a hover car ^{(Adventure Comics #361})
• Chops through a tank, then starts a small earthquake with a stomp ^{(Adventure Comics #367})
• Destroys a practice bot in a rage ^{(Adventure Comics #373})
• Claims his chops could fell giant redwoods ^{(Superboy vol 1 #203})
• Creates an earthquake with a stomp that breaks apart a statue ^{(Legion of Superheroes vol 3 #31})
  • Note: This is a flashback to earlier times, so despite being in vol 3, takes place Chronologically in vol 1, as shown by him wearing the brown gi instead of his more famous white one
• Punches through a robot ^{(Superboy vol 1 #214})
• Kicks a meteor to pieces ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Creates a counter-vibration strong enough to reverse Major Disaster's artificial earthquake. ^{(Karate Kid #2}.)
• Flexes off six cavemen ^{(Karate Kid #11})
• [MASSIVE OUTLIER] When bound with ropes made of indestructible Inertron, he somehow manages to break free. ^{(Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #231})
  • Album of Inertron being invulnerable/unbreakable/strong enough to resist Kryptonians
• Breaks out of a machine that saps powers, minds and will (Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 004)

Speed

• Moves "with the speed of thought" ^{(Adventure Comics #361})
• Dodges Mano and Persuader's attacks ^{(Adventure Comics #378})
• Dodges Validus' mental lightning ^{(Adventure Comics #378})
• Dodges a blast from the Emerald Eye of Ekon ^{(Superboy vol 1 #198})
• Dodges a blast from *sigh* Radiation Roy ^{(Superboy vol 1 #208})
• Rushes forward and front tuck into a Rider Kick in a fraction of a second ^{(Superboy vol 1 #214})
• Dodges a bolt from Lightning Lad ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Dodges radiation blasts from Nemesis Kid ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Intercepts a falling meteor ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Backflips over a bullet ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Dodges a laser ^{(Karate Kid #13})
• Leaps over a bullet and behind a guy in less than a fifth of a second ^{(Karate Kid #15})
• Dances around Pharoxx's strikes ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})
• Redirects Pharoxx's own magic against him ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})

Durability

• Survives an explosion that KO'd and nearly killed his sensei ^{(Adventure Comics #367})
• Smacked by a giant robot and recovers being back to fighting shape on the next page ^{(Adventure Comics #373})
• Endures ever-increasing pain through meditative techniques even though the pain was so bad, it made Timber Wolf go feral within a few minutes ^{(Superboy vol 1 #209})
• Clears his mind of mental influences ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #268})
• Wades though blasts from Pharoxx ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #288})
• While sick, takes a blast from Pulsar ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Pulsar explodes right next to him and he's all good. ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Gets clawed by a monster and shrugs it off ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})
• Gets blasted by Pharoxx's magic and recovers, while Pharoxx getting hit with the same blast made him immediately flee ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #309})
• [Limit] Dies after being beaten nearly to death by Nemesis Kid, then missile launches himself into a planet-draining machine. ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 #4})

Skill
Statements and styles

• Great Skill in all forms of martial arts, but especially Karate and Judo ^{(Adventure Comics #346})
• Master of all forms of fighting ^{(Adventure Comics #359})
• Switches from Boxing to Savate to Kendo against a robot ^{(Adventure Comics #363})
• Knocks some guys out with chops to the back of the neck ^{(Adventure Comics #360})
• Mastered every weapon form "from fencing foils to Jovian trident spears" ^{(Adventure Comics #368})
• Temporarily puts Timber Wolf in a Judo hold ^{(Superboy vol 1 #209})
• Falkone IV arm riflie technique ^{(Karate Kid #12})
• Loback III restraining hold for non-powered people to restrain super-powered people ^{(Karate Kid #12})
• Karate, Judo, "Arcturian Sli-tilla", "Venusian Txrxvrx", and boxing ("the good old one-two punch") in one page ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #268})

Against skilled opponents (Solo)

• Beats a boxing champion ^{(Adventure Comics #377})
• Beats the absolute stuffing out of Black Mace ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 #31})
  • Black Mace is stated to be Ganglands's answer to Karate Kid ^{(Adventure Comics #374}) and a fast, strong invincible fighter ^{(Superboy #213})
• Beats Black Mask again, with an assist from Princess Projectra ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 3 #31})
• Quickly beats a dual nunchaku wielding black belt ^{(Karate Kid #3})
• Beats the Samurai known as Master Hand ^{(Karate Kid #4})
• Had the advantage on Black Dragon II, the student of his father he previously beat in Superboy vol 1 #210 ^{(Karate Kid #10})
• Karate Kid vs Black Dragon II in a ceremonial fight. ^{(Karate Kid #10})
• Beats Dick Grayson quickly ^{(Karate Kid #14})
• Wins a tournament and the title of Samurai, going down as the youngest to gain the title ^{(Secret Origins vol 2 #47})

Against Skilled opponents (groups)

• Defeats three Black Belts he claims could waste a battalion of ordinary men ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
• Beats six opponents trained by his father, Black Dragon, including the future Black Dragon II ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
• Beats a bunch of 20th-century martial arts masters ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Quickly beats four martial artists ^{(Karate Kid #4})

Against superpowered opponents (1v1)

• Fights Superboy and does so well, Clark says he needs to be in the Legion ^{(Adventure Comics #346})
• Training with Superboy ^{(Adventure Comics #368})
• Gets the advantage over Don Allen, descendent of Barry Allen and a speedster ^{(Adventure Comics #373})
• Defeats Ultra Boy ^{(Adventure Comics #375})
• A brainwashed Karate Kid easily beats Ultra Boy ^{(Superboy vol 1 #205})
• Survives a fight with Superboy, though he constantly mentions he's outmatched and it's taking all of his skill to just survive . ^{(Karate Kid #12})
• Temporarily holds Superboy, but admits he needs help immediately and is losing him and is saved by Mordru's magic wearing off ^{(Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #245})

Against Superpowered opponents (groups)

• Solos the Fatal Five ^{(Adventure Comics #378})
• Manages to hold his own against Lightning Lad, Superboy, Colossal Boy, Saturn Girl, Sun Boy, and Chameleon Boy before being stopped by Cosmic Boy ^{(Karate Kid #13})

Against Skilled Superpowered opponents

• Fights four superpowered assassins and is holding his own ^{(Adventure Comics #361})
• Beats Pharoxx of Orando in a sword fight, forcing Pharoxx to resort to magic ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #286})
• Beats Timber Wolf in a spar ^{(Legion of Superheroes vol 4 #52})

Accuracy

• Splits a rock so each half flies off and KOs a foe ^{(Adventure Comics 361})
• Hits a knight with a stone and KO's him ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #288})
• Uses his sash as a lasso to disarm Pulsar of his power staff ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})

Agility

• Rushes forward and front tuck into a Rider Kick in a fraction of a second ^{(Superboy vol 1 #214})
• Contorts himself in mid-air to stop himself from falling out of a building then Jumps back in ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Jumps from the street to a sign to a third story roof ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Does a series of flips to land safely after jumping out of a building while holding someone ^{(Karate Kid #2})
• Jumps out of a window, does a ton of flips, and starts running on cars ^{(Karate Kid #3})
• Flips on a pole ^{(Karate Kid #11})
• Flips over a car ^{(Karate Kid #11})
• Flips out of Batman's grasp ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Rolls back to get out of a monster's range, then launches himself into a flying kick ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #309})

Weak Point Sensing

• Finds the weak point in a diamond ^{(Adventure Comics# 365})
• Finds the weak point in a wall ^{(Superboy vol 1 #210})
• Finds Omega's weakest point, but is too weak to capitalize on it ^{(Superboy and the Legion of Super-Heroes #251}). This is the first time it's called an explicit "power" and not a skill.
• Finds the weak point in a hatch ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes #277})
• Originally struggled to find a weak point in massive chains encircling Earth, but after getting a hint from Princess Projectra manages to sense and destroy it ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #279})

Retroboot Val

Despite dying.....Val Armorr's back and in the past! ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #7}) How? Never explained! ^{(Justice League of America #10}) Here's his feats. Note: All feats are done while he's dying (Countdown Weeks 14-15/ 38-37) from what's later revealed to be the Morticoccus Virus

• While disguised as a supervillain, freezes Parasite without Black Lightning realizing Parasite was the target ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #2})
• KO's Black Lightning with a chop to the neck and stalemates (and arguably has the advantage over) Batman while sick and memoryless ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #8})
  • Another view of the fight ^{(Countdown Week 2/#50})
  • Doctor Mid-Nite says Karate Kid very nearly took down Batman in that fight ^{(Countdown Week 7/#45})
  • Batman conceeds Val outfought him but claims he wouldn't in a rematch though he may have been being a jerk to get into Val's head ^{(Countdown Week 10/#42})
• Is still conscious and talking despite being loaded up with enough tranquilizers to give Wonder Woman trouble ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #8})
• Somehow survives Speed Force Lightning that should have insta-killed him ^{(Justice League of America vol 2 #10})
• Finds the weak point in a vault he's sealed in ^{(Countdown Week 13/#39})
• Tears through Oracle's tendrils and punches through a wall ^{(Countdown Week 13/#39})
• Hurts Equus, an enhanced being who bragged he had fought Superman ^{(Countdown Week 16/#36})
• Kicked Equus arm clean off his body ^{(Countdown Week 17/#35})
• Breaks shotguns and kicks a police car over ^{(Supergirl vol 5 #21})
• [Limit] While he can dodge her attacks, can't move Supergirl with his strikes ^{(Supergirl vol 5 #21})
• Chops Equus arm off ^{(Supergirl vol 5 #22})
• [Limit] The closer to death he gets, the less he's able to focus and use Super-Karate feats ^{(Countdown week 32/#20})
• Takes out four Apokoliptians ^{(Countdown Week 41/#11})
• Takes a hit from an OMAC and shows some agility ^{(Countdown Week 42/#10})
• Dies of the virus ^{(Countdown Week 45/#7})
• Time Trapper puts his and Una's bodies in the mainline Earth when they had died in Earth-51 ^{(Action Comics #864})

Misc

• As a Legionnaire, he has a Legion flight ring ^{(Karate Kid #1})
• Invited his 20th-century friend to his wedding, not realizing she was in love with him ^{(The Brave and the Bold #198})
• Man married a princess. Respect. ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes Vol 2 annual 2})
• Brave enough to try to hit Darkseid with a flying kick, though all it accomplishes is knocking himself out. ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 2 #294})
• It's implied he somehow came back/will come back to life again, but this wasn't elaborated on because of the Flashpoint thanks Barry ^{(Legion of Super-Heroes vol 6 #6})
  • Time Trapper also foreshadowed this ^{(Action Comics 864})

Twice this week I drank wayyyy too much alcohol. 5 days ago it was a hard soda then a four loko, horrible 2 day hangover and that night was awful... Last night I had a roughly estimated 10 total shots of whiskey and rum, then two additional shots just to try out whiskey i have not tried before. I felt fine after the first 5 ish shots (waited 10 mins after last sip, not even tipsy), then had 5 shots of rum and the remaining two new-to-me whiskey shots. I felt okay, just tipsy 30 mins after the last sip. Within an hour I became horrifically drunk as all the alcohol finally built up...
I had a complete inability to think, focus, look straight, sit, walk, or crawl, and blinking gave me an instant headspin. I was so tired, no energy, not tired enough to pass out but I apparently had slight trouble breathing at some point. While crawling was an impossible task, I dragged myself over to my bed and rolled onto it. Using purely muscle memory I fired up my Xbox and opened YouTube. Focusing was obviously not something I was able to do, I selected whatever videos I wanted to see and just listened with my eyes mostly stuck to the ceiling. Having the audio playing was nice, since a complete lack of controllable stimulation would bore me out of my mind which is worsened when I am drunk. Due to headspins, which is when your vision and balance is swirling around (can be worsened with eyes shut), I could not sleep for 4 hours especially from how sick my body felt. I didn't have the best quality sleep but I slept for 9 and a half hours. The hangover was not as excruciating as what the Four Loko did to me, but I had digestive problems and a lack of appetite for most of the day.
IT IS NOT WORTH GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR BLACKOUT DRUNK! I cannot understand how people even want to be that drunk, I have no fun in not being able to do anything. I like being relaxed or moderately tipsy at most. Hangovers will ruin the next day(s) and potentially make you mentally unable to have alcohol for some time because that sickness is in the back of your mind, subconsciously keeping you away from your favorite whiskey.
In fact, I am at the late stage of my hangover where I am mostly recovered. I took a small sip of my whiskey and the alcohol going down my throat did not feel right, my brain is literally preventing me from drinking any more and I am not intoxicated. I'm going to have to temporarily switch to having lower alcohol drinks like beer and cider until my brain allows me to sip the whiskey.
If you are new to alcohol or are going to try alcohol for the first time, don't immediately try getting extremely drunk as it will ruin the experience. Find tasty drinks that won't fuck you up on their own (of course quantity matters a lot). Ciders, light beers, etc. are a good start. If something tastes bad to you, that's fine as the world of alcohol is seemingly endless. So far I have a handful of drinks I know I like from most categories. Have fun, don't get fucked up, and be responsible.
For those starting out, I like these and I believe they are drinks that most people agree are alright:
Light beers (lagers, one might be ale): Blue Moon (I haven't tried the "Light" version, just the regular), Heineken, Coors Light (bottled or on tap).
Ciders: Salt Creek Ciderhouse "Freedom", Portland Cider Original Gold, Helvetia Cider Oregon Blueberry.
The ciders are local brands, so if you're in Oregon see if your stores have these and give them a try.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk. Stay safe.

Kadillac Kirk had been a good friend of mine for several years. I had met him through friends from The Spring Stage; and he never had anything to do with The Imp, which is why he didn’t appear in the Married Mary saga. Mary would have totally thrown herself at him, and Kirk would have definitely “thrown it in her.” He loved the ladies and often remarked that there was no such thing as an unappealing woman, nor was there anything sweeter than finding the pearl of passion in an outwardly plain dame. Fortunately for Kirk, he never met Mary. This was probably fortunate for Mary as well, seeing as Kirk was a confirmed bachelor and he would have probably broken her fat heart.
Kirk was an older guy. Not MOE old, though. He was in his early forties, but he easily passed for a carefree dude in his 30s... not that he lied about his age. I only mention this trait to juxtapose Kirk’s genuine youthful air with Moe’s unconvincing youthful farce. Kirk dressed normally, avoided stupid jargon, and never busted out gimmicks like tarot cards or spells. He just existed, behaved affably, and people liked him for it.
He drove a classic 1962 Cadillac El Dorado convertible with red leather interior, and he lived in a charmingly quaint (and ridiculously expensive) neighborhood. How he made his fortune remained a mystery, but he never bloviated about his wealth. He just threw spectacular parties and people showed up. And, to my knowledge, he never tried to lure women into bed with his money (although I’m sure he got his fair share of boom-boom thanks to his digs and his wheels, even if the gold-diggers denied their monetary agendas).
Kirk was legitimately handsome. He was a drummer, he had a full head of black hair, he was clean-shaven, he worked out, and he knew all the hidden gems in Wellsprings. So why hadn’t I tried... or even desired to date him? I don’t know. I just didn’t feel drawn to him like that. He felt like a cool uncle and he had, thus far, never done anything to change my perception. Plus, the age difference weirded me out a little. Kirk didn’t look forty; but knowing that he had so much more life experience than I did created a power imbalance that would have creeped me out if we’d been dating. As buddies, I just felt supremely cool riding in his Cadillac, smoking Fantasia cigarettes, and hitting the speakeasies and jazz clubs I would have never known about if it weren’t for Kirk’s connections.
And he had been a good person to talk to about my romantic woes. He never lecherously suggested that I should date him, and he gave the type of tempered advice that only comes with lived experience. But he often lightly mocked me for my crush on Dennis and he did a hilarious impression of Smegal popping too soon over his “precious.” So when Mary “got me back” by doing whatever she did with to Dennis, I called Kadillac Kirk and told him the drinks were on me if he’d be my designated driver for the night.
Why hadn’t I called Whisky??? Well, A) Kirk was way more fun to hang out with, at least from my past experiences up to that point. And B) I needed to bitch about a boy, something I couldn’t do in good conscience in front of a guy I was dating. So I put on the sexiest plunging halter dress I owned, applied heavy eye makeup and spikey accessories, braved a pair of stilettos, and sashayed out to Kirk’s convertible. I felt like a badass rock star. I probably looked like a try-hard hooker.
Kirk: Daaaaay-um! Somebody really did do a number on you, huh? I know you said you were upset, but the gents are gonna be writing thank you notes to that fat girl and that butt-fucking hobbit.
Me: I just need to feel pretty and numb. And I trust you to keep me from making a fool of myself.
Kirk squeezed my shoulder. “I’ve got you. You do whatever you need to do to get rid of these demons.”
He sparked up a J and offered me the first puff. I gladly accepted. He took one puff of his own, but said that the rest was mine since he didn’t want to drive stoned. See? He was responsible! Weed wasn’t legal in California yet, so I got a little bit baked before I stashed the sativa in the glove box and wrapped a scarf around my hair like a starlet from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Kirk sped out of the parking lot and said he was taking me to a downtown hotel that was hosting a party that night in their lush lobby.
Kadillac Kirk pulled up to the main entrance, paid the valet, and then opened my door. I was wobbly from the weed. And I had stupidly decided to wear heels. You can get high or you can wear high (heels). You can’t have both. Not if you’ve repeatedly injured both ankles (as I have). I had to take Kirk’s arm to keep from keeling over. “Can people tell I’m stoned?” I whispered. Kirk replied, “Nobody’s paying any attention to anyone else’s intoxication. I promise you that much.” I nodded, steadied myself, and strutted alongside my very cool friend, feeling a little more confident.
A live jazz orchestra was playing Cole Porter as we entered the lobby. Everything sparkled. The music was even more intoxicating than the spliff had been. “Just One of Those Things” brought tears to my eyes since the lyrics hit every raw nerve regarding the Dennis debacle. But I smiled. It might sound mental, but being distraught over a trash fire of a one-sided romance was exhilarating. Immature, for sure. But also exhilarating. You see, that kind of sadness doesn’t hurt. Not really. It stings. It leaves little bruises, but it’s very safe to wallow in because you haven’t actually lost anything. Melancholia over that which you never had is as sweet as it is bitter; and that type of twisted splendor is rivaled only by Stendhal.
“Here's hoping we meet now and then. It was great fun, but it was just one of those things.” I sang along with the band, and a fat tear rolled down past my melancholic smile and onto my chin. Kirk brushed it aside. “Too close to home?” I wiped away the remnants of the tear’s journey from eye to chin and smiled a more genuine smile. “The perfect distance from home. Shall we get drinks? Remember, I’m buying.”
Kirk: No, no. This is your time to heal. And I’m here as your pal, not your chauffeur. What would the lady like?”
I pretended to barf. Kirk knew I hated it when he got overly formal and overly attentive. So he did it just to mess with me. “Shot of vodka,” I replied.
Kirk: How many?
I thought briefly. “FIVE.”
Kirk: Five to one, baby. One in five...
Me: No one here gets out alive.
Kirk: Are you able to hold yourself upright, or should you come with?
I took a seat on an ornate, damask-upholstered chaise lounge. “I’ll be okay. And I was kidding about the five shots.”
I sat there lost in the music for a while. I thought very little about Dennis. Even less about Mary. And not at all about Whisky (whom I had shagged less than a week ago). My mind danced through the ornate lighting in the hotel lobby, and I suddenly felt the need to join the hoity-toity guests on the dancefloor!
Kirk returned with four shots of vodka. Two for him, two for me. That was quite reasonable of him. He knew damn well that I couldn’t handle five shots, but he also knew that I was in a... state. One that called for more than a single shot. I raised a both miniature glasses to “No more ninnyhammers or hairy-footed lovers.” Kirk did his hilarious Smegal impression, we double-toasted, and downed the shots. The band launched into “Let’s Misbehave,” and I kicked off my stilettos and made a beeline for the dance floor.
“There’s something wild about you child that’s so contagious. Let’s be outrageous! Let’s misbehave.” Kadillac Kirk swept me up, twirled me around, and dipped me as we both sang along with the lyrics. I wasn’t swooning for him, but I was enthralled by the moment. The music, the dancing, the combination of booze and bud... so I kissed him as he pulled me back to my feet. And he kissed back. In a way that Dennis never had. In a way that Whisky’s beard wouldn’t permit. I didn’t feel the visceral sensations that I’d felt when Dennis had kissed me, but it felt nice to feel desired. And then I noticed that other guests were watching us and applauding. Now, that was a dopamine rush if ever there was one!
I gently broke away from the embrace, high-fived Kirk and returned to the chaise lounge to put my stupid shoes back on. He followed me and smashed his face back onto mine. I pulled away and laughed. “It was a moment,” I told him. “I appreciate the dance, and that kiss was the perfect finale. But it’s not happening again.”
Kirk: Not to worry, Valerie. I know you. I knew all along that we were performing, and I was more than happy to be your scene partner.
Me: And dance partner! Those were some excellent moves! I didn’t know you had ballroom training.
Kirk: You name it, I’ve mastered it. Another drink for the lady?
I pretended to barf again. “Not yet. I’m not sad right now. Do you mind if I just sit here and enjoy the music?”
Kirk: Ah. My kisses do have healing properties...
I flipped my hand up at him. “Knock that shit off, bro. I wanted to hang out with you because I trust you not to get weird. Even if I get weird, I know you have the maturity to balance me out.”
Kirk: Are you calling me old???
Me: No. I’m calling you rational, responsible, and respectful.
Kirk: Well, now. If you can articulate an alliterative statement that fluently, then you clearly aren’t drunk enough!
I dismissed this comment as a joke. And he did indeed knock off the flirtation. We had a perfectly pleasant time chatting and dancing (no more kissing, though). And then I noticed a girl I knew from Into the Woods entering the lobby. She’d played Florinda and I’d played Little Red. I called her name and waved enthusiastically. She waved back. And then her date entered. It was D.E.N.N.I.S. I sank into the chaise. Kirk caught on immediately. “The hobbit???” he asked. I nodded silently. “You wanna make out again?” he enthused. I shook my head. I had to go say hello to Flo. And I had an idea...
I crossed the lobby, smiled, squealed, and hugged her.
Florinda: Lil’ Red! It’s been forever! So glad to see you!!! This is my friend, Denny.
Dennis was shifting uncomfortably. I extended my hand. “Nice to meet you. I know your date from Into the Woods. I bet she could tell you some entertaining stories about that show...” Flo laughed out loud, well aware of the many misadventures to which I'd referred. Of course, she might have been laughing because Dennis never, ever listened to anyone else's stories. He was too busy telling, re-telling, slightly altering, and exaggerating his own.
Dennis: C’mon, Val...
Me: Oh, you’ve heard of me? Small world! You guys picked a great night to come here. They’re playing Cole Porter, and the band is delovely!
Florinda (appearing oblivious to the iciness between me and Dennis): Have you seen Prince Big Bad (Scumbanger) lately?
I laughed. “Last time I saw him, he was hitting on some nasty fat chick at The Imp.”
Flo and I both scoffed at the pervy pest. Into the Woods was where I’d initially met Scumbanger. He played The Wolf/Cinderella’s Prince. Again... typecasting. There’s a whole essay in my brain about my first encounter with the pest, during which he quoted the song that he sang to me in the show, “Hello, Little Girl.” But it gets into some pretty uncomfortable territory because he made me feel excited. Well, excited and scared. Nothing of note happened during Into the Woods, but our odd interactions did kind of set the stage for some extremely regrettable events during that Cats cast party.
I excused myself, saying that I needed to get back to my friend. And then I leaned in and said in a hushed voice to Flo, “Watch your ass with that one. If he’s the Denny I’m thinking of...” I gave her a look that only another female would be able to read. Her eyebrows shot up and she nodded. Dennis continued to shift as though he were trying to hold in a massive dump. “BABE! Uh...”
Flo apparently answered to that moniker as well. “What is it, Denny? Don’t worry. That was just telepathic girl talk. You apparently have a reputation...”
Dennis: Different Denny. I assure you I’m a pious gentleman.
Me: Ah. My mistake. Well, then. You guys have a good time! Nice to meet you, Denny. Great to see you, Flo!
I hugged Flo again, gave Dennis a curt nod, ignored the scent of mandarins and mountain air, and returned to Kirk.
I collapsed on the chaise lounge, exhausted from holding back the rage. I had no right to be mad at Florinda. I hadn’t seen her in three years, so how was she supposed to know that I’d had a thing with Dennis? Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Dennis because the last time he and I had spoken in any meaningful way, I’d told him that I was no longer entertaining my crush on him. So why was I surprised to see him dating??? And why had he never taken ME out on a date like this??? And why wasn’t I smitten with Kadillac Kirk who HAD taken me out on a date like this, was an objectively excellent kisser, and a bona fide BALLER? What was wrong with me???
Kirk suggested going down the street to a quaint little bar and then sobering up at a diner closer to my apartment. I numbly nodded and followed him in silence for a few blocks. He assured me that I had “turned several heads” on the way to the new location, but I neither cared nor believed him. This wasn't the type of numbness I'd been aiming for. Now I needed to get schnockered. “Five shots of vodka, please.” Yes, I was serious.
Kadillac Kirk, my reliable designated driver, ordered only a beer and watched in something across between astonishment, concern, and delight as I slammed all five shots in rapid succession. I half expected to immediately retch all over the bar. But I felt fine. I half expected to immediately lose consciousness and wake up in the hospital. But I remained coherent. How I’d managed to take in that much hard liquor and suffer no direct consequences, I’ll never know.
I think I wanted to suffer. I wanted to either feel nothing at all or to feel a sickness bad enough to distract me from the scorching sting that pulsed through my being when I realized that I had lost the abstract notion I’d been addicted to this entire time. Hope. It wasn’t Dennis himself I couldn’t quit. It was that drug called hope. The hope that maybe, just maybe Dennis would give our romance a fair chance. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would make peace with himself, get his mind out of his crotch, and enjoy some agenda-free togetherness. The hope that maybe, just maybe he would stop bloviating about his admittedly impressive accomplishments for five fucking minutes and ask about my life. I had my own reasonably impressive accomplishments, even if they paled in comparison to his. A proper suitor would have enjoyed hearing about them.
But seeing him out with another woman, a woman who had no reason to parade her Dennis escapades before me as some means of revenge, a woman he was clearly courting of his own volition... My hope had died. It died before I’d had time to wean myself off it. Now I had to mourn the loss of hope, which is a very tricky brand of grief to navigate. Vodka wasn’t the answer, but it was what I had to work with. So it would have to do.
After enough time had passed without vomiting or collapsing, I asked Kirk to bring his car around to the bar so that I didn’t have to walk two and a half blocks drunk and in heels. He nodded and dramatically leaned in for a kiss. I recoiled. “DUDE! I told you. The moment has passed.”
Kirk: I beg your pardon. I misread your eyes. Thought I saw a green light...
Me: It’s fine. I just want to go home while I’m still feeling okay.
Kirk: Of course. Your chariot will be here soon.
He skipped off to fetch his Cadillac and I noticed that the lights in the bar were beginning to dance a bit. This should have been concerning. But then I realized that I was giggling. Wait... What? Oh shit. Sure, I was drunk from those shots. But what I was feeling in that moment wasn’t drunkery. It was stonery. Kirk probably misread my face because my pupils were dilated. Not from desire, but from drug use.
Some of you might be thinking that I was a bad friend for not introducing Lucy, an old dude connoisseur, to Kirk. Well... I did. Several years before the events of this story. He adored her. She, on the other hand, thought he was immature. And she wasn’t wrong. Lucy was astute when it came to sussing out a person’s true nature. Far more astute than I. Her initial assessment that Kirk was immature is about to be vindicated. Stretch those cringe muscles! It’s almost time for pie...
I somehow managed to get to his car. I honestly don’t recall how I got there. Did one of the bartenders carry me? Did some kind patron allow me to lean on him? Had Kadillac Kirk carried me out? I’m not sure. But my memory ceases to be fuzzy about halfway to the 24-hour diner. It might have been the very same 24-hour diner where Mary pulled her... shenanigans. I’ll never know.
Kirk: Would you say that you’re more drunk or more stoned?
Me: STONED. Definitely stoned.
Kirk made some sort of grunty noise and reached for my thigh. I slapped his hand.
Kirk: Stoned but not amorous? That’s rare.
I started laughing rather unkindly. “You’re a fucking horndog! I thought you were my safe straight male friend, dammit.”
Kirk: I solemnly swear that your safety is my primary concern, my stoned beauty.
I pretended to throw up.
Kirk: So... You’re not horny. But are you hungry? The diner I’m heading to makes this Maple Walnut Pie with the most sumptuous... sensual cream and exquisite drizzling of...
Me: Ew! Stop trying to bang the pie. Bro. Are YOU stoned? (Then I remembered the question.) Yes, I’m hungry. But I don’t like nuts. I’ll have banana cream.
Kirk made that repulsive grunty noise again. “Uhhhhh... Mmmmmm. Cream. Yessssss. Yes, we’ll be there in just a minute.” He was squirming in the driver's seat.
Me: GROSS, DUDE! If you’re gonna be like that I’ll just order HASH brows. Get it? Hash??? (I giggled uncontrollably.). You can’t make that sound nasty.
Kirk: Forgive my jokes. I think my blood sugar’s a bit low.
As Kirk parked, I began to wonder how I might get away with walking shoeless into the diner. The stilettos had to get off my feet. At least while I was walking. And Kirk was kind enough to give me his socks and wear his loafers “island style” into the establishment. Okay, that was gallant of him. Maybe he was going to behave himself for the rest of the evening.
I wasn’t terribly talkative as we sat down, and he expressed concern for my emotional well-being. I wasn’t coherent enough to explain what was happening to my emotions and I wasn’t sure I trusted him with my deep, dark secrets at that point. So I shrugged like a sulky teenager, ran my hands over my messy, windblown hair, and mumbled that I was “just hungry.” And right on cue, a very kind, slightly older waitress with a sweet southern accent stopped by to take our order.
Kirk: Ah, yes. We’ll have two cups of black coffee. And we’ll share a slice of that delectable Maple Walnut Pie.
Waitress: Oh, honey. That pie is scrumptious! I take it you’ve been here before?
Kirk: I have. This will be her first time to taste the splendor.
I hated to be a killjoy, but I interrupted and said to the waitress, “Ma’am? I’m sure the Maple Walnut is excellent, but could I please get a slice of Banana Cream? And a big glass of ice water?
Waitress: Sure, hon! Banana Cream’s just as yummy! I’ll be right back with those coffees and that big water.
Kirk was sucking on the tip of his forefinger and shaking his head a bit. “You’re passing up so many sensational... sensual...”
I put my forehead on the table and growled. “You swore you’d stop being nasty!” I held this #headdesk pose for quite some time before I finally lifted my head... only to see that Kirk was still sucking his fingertip and staring at me like a wild animal. “Pleeeeeease be normal,” I whined. “It’s been a really weird night for me.”
Kirk: Indeed. Many surprises. You know... You’re like titanium. Your flame burns so fast and so bright, if a guy doesn’t get in there while the iron is hot, he’ll never get another chance. I was too slow.
What the...? I was pretty sure he was wrong about titanium burning quickly. I’m no chemistry wiz, but my dad and my oldest brother are both big-brains when it comes to physics and chemistry. So I picked up some things just listening to them talk. Accurate or inaccurate, Kirk was being creepy again. He’d never been creepy towards me before, although I’d seen him act like this with other women. Usually with staggering success. Why????? His money. It had to be his money. Kirk was a nice-looking man, but holy shit... No amount of good looks could save this creep show.
And then, our sweet waitress sat down our coffees, my water, and the two slices of pie. After I gulped down a whole bunch of water, I grabbed a fork, prepared to quell my munchies... and then I froze. Kirk was quickly flicking his finger back and forth across the top of his pie. And moaning. He noticed my wide-eyed stare, smirked, sucked the tip of his thumb, picked up the plate with both hands, and began flicking his tongue across the tip of the triangular pie slice. And moaning some more. Well, there went my appetite.
Kirk took his middle finger and jabbed it into the crustless vertex of the pie slice, then he began pumping it in and out like a piston, and flicking his thumb across the increasingly demolished top layer of whipped cream. He gasped this time. People were starting to stare. His pointer finger joined his middle finger in the piston action, and he replaced his thumb with his tongue. Between flicks of the tongue, he groaned, “Oh yeah, baby... Let me taste you,” but it was kind of hard to understand him.
And I was either about to run to the back office, tell them that I was in danger and needed a police escort home... OR I was about to burst out laughing at the spectacle. Kirk continued... He removed his fingers and gregariously licked pie filling off of them. And then he started sucking his fingertips again, switching from middle to pointer, middle to pointer and emitting a delighted little, “Mmmmmm” with every suck.
Finally, he jabbed his fingers back into the utterly destroyed pie, lowered his face into the mess and lapped loudly and passionately, moaning, grunting, and mumbling “Come on, baby. Come on. Mmmmmm. Come on.” I could see the waitress and some dude in a suit heading over to the table, so I sank down in my seat, partially covered my face, but continued to watch the train wreck. At last, Kirk shuddered violently, he splatted his entire hand onto the plate and rubbed furiously. And then he locked eyes with me. He sucked the tip of his thumb one final time and said, “You...” There was a long pause during which Kirk lovingly stroked the mess he’d made. “You... are the pie.”
I don’t hang out with Kadillac Kirk anymore. But he’s still a bachelor, ladies!

I am making this post hoping somebody can gain some help/insight from this. Even if it is comparing and deciding that their event(s) is nowhere nearly as bad. I am just hoping this helps. I have multiple events and they all make me a sick disgusting monster, most likely incomparable to all of you.
I have ocd, and have struggled in the past but I have been on a roll for the past 2 years with very few slip ups. This stuff that pertains to real events is way different than any other area of my life that ocd has effected.
I am going to add a bit of background about my childhood. This is in no way an excuse or justification for my horrible actions. I am currently a 21 year old male. Living with some friends away from family going to college and working.
Both of my parents were addicts fresh out of treatment, my dad left when I was really young. They had a horrible emotionally and physically abusive relationship. My older brother who is almost exactly 3 years older than me was my only guidance at the time as we didn’t have many friends from moving a couple times. This same older brother sexually abused me for a couple years, I was complicit because I didn’t understand anything was wrong, I figured this was normal for kids. It happened from 7-13 years old. It started as exposing me to porn and teaching me to masturbate, then it turned into sexual touching and sexual acts such as convincing me to give/recieve oral sex, and almost attempt penetration. This was not often, however it happened on a few occasions all within a month. We also practiced kissing. I am not gay. I do not struggle with my sexuality. I like women.
He eventually went to high school and met girls and I’m guessing he left this in the past. So did I for a while, I had no idea the impact it had on me.
Below I am going to list my actions since then and why I am so distressed. All of this behavior occurred from 13-20 years old before I had the big realization.

1. I was totally hypersexual I had inappropriate fantasies involving people in my life, including my own family.
   
2. I masturbated to pictures of cousins and my sisters, all close in age, but still blood family.
   
3. I took a couple pictures of my sister in my early teens, nothing naked or exposing, but still inappropriate and for the wrong reasons. (Under 10 photos, still inappropriate, not a justification.) (since deleted.) (never sent them anywhere or did anything else with them)
   
4. I realized this was an invasion of privacy, I just had absolutely no moral compass and 0 sexual outlet, so I just masturbated to get rid of the “desire” or “thoughts”
   

I knew touching or initiating with any of these people was absolutely wrong or forbidden. I never even considered it, however I still masturbated to these thoughts and images.
In my head it was a way to release sexual energy. I even thought this was something that others may relate to later in life and laugh about. Since then I have realized I am most likely alone, and if I shared these events, people would despise me.
What bothers me is that I genuinely thought there was nothing wrong with my behavior. Legally there wasn’t, but morally there absolutely was. Legal is all I had to go off. And that’s what sometimes make me feel better is the fact that i genuinely didn’t know better. I knew better than not to touch anybody and not to watch anything illegal, however, that’s about it. I thought everyone was curious around this time.
Side note: my dad had a group chat at this time where they would send many pictures of women out in public to each other and rate them, maybe this is why I thought this was okay ? (The taking photos part)
I never ever thought twice about my actions. They seemed justified, they seemed normal for me, don’t ask how, I’m yet to figure that out. I am disgusted with myself.
I found myself recently looking this up all day everyday and finding a couple people that relate but there were a lot of comments that said people like me were the scum of the earth, and I’m having a hard time not believing that.
What hurts the most is nobody knowing, everyone always commends me for how good of a person I have became and all my accomplishments despite my tough childhood. But I feel like they just don’t know who I was and what mistakes I’ve made.
It feels like I’d rather be a serial killer or something I feel like the worst person on the planet to be honest.
I don’t see a way out of this. All my friends and peers love me, but they don’t know this. And I know it would make them disgusted with me. Which I am okay with at this point because I deserve it.
I also know that I would ruin my family life, but i deserve to be despised.
I am posting this hoping that somebody could see this and understand they don’t have it as bad as they think. These were all my actions though and I take full accountability.
I am curious to know how anybody could justify this or explain to me that I’m not just as bad as a rapist or a sex offender or pedophile. As far as I’m concerned, I am and I deserve to be treated as So.
I am going to sleep I hope I’ve helped somebody to know whatever their event is, you’re not alone, or it could be worse. Not trying to minimize, I just know how it is, believe me.
And before you tell me to go to therapy, I am already in the process.
I just want to share in hopes of somebody relating, or telling me I was a sicko, either way I don’t care, I just want feedback.
I know a lot of peoples events are related to sexual stuff. But I’m sure these are some of the worst of the worst.
Thanks for reading. Sorry if I wrote too much. I’ve been needing to let this out.
Any questions or anything, advice, criticism, are welcome here or in dm.

I recently got an epi leather pocket organizer which has a small issue (crooked lettering). And now I'm deciding if I should exchange it for the same material or maybe taiga leather.
When I first got my epi pocket organizer, the taiga wasn't on my list at all. I was only deciding between the Canvas and Epi, but now after doing some research, I've heard some people say taiga is also durable? I've also heard a lot of people talking about epi leather but not taiga.
I'm looking for a durable material that can last really long and has less issues unlike the canvas which is prone to cracking. Open to suggestions for other leathers too. Thank you

Bobbing Theory
Greetings Apes, new theory on the share offering. A little less sexy than the colorful speculation, but this theory ties in with a few of the current and past DD. (I’ll add a little tinfoil at the end).
For this theory I am going to exclude as much tinfoil as possible and also make the assumption that market makers and hedge funds are not engaging in crime but are instead (mostly) working within the rules they created to fuck the poors. While I do not agree with their rules, legal does not equate to ethical as was taught in my PhD program’s first semester ethics course, After all slavery was legal in the US.
“Bobbing” is a swimming technique that involves gently bouncing from the pool floor and practicing exhaling underwater and inhaling above the surface. In this case the dumb storm troopers (Shorts) are the ones in the pool.
There are 5 Assumptions that are made in this theory:

1. Many hedge funds are short GME and need to maintain margin.
2. The Hedge-funds are likely working together to maintain margin.
3. Margin calls are not going out or at the very least are “flexible.”
4. They still think they are going to win and have a thesis (this is important).
5. RC had a plan to stop the bobbing cycle.

I think many of us are getting the perspective wrong and I think it would benefit us think a little differently. When we are seeing these price rises, it is not about them losing control. If it was, the price would look like a phone number. This is a controlled and planned raise. The price rises accomplish two things: First it attacks retail psychology and gets us to FOMO (fear of missing out) and then (for less hardened apes) breaks moral (they want this) and second It helps them support their cost basis (SCB). This is a two step process, let’s break this down.
Retail FOMO
This helps the shorts in a few ways but it is a double edged sword. When there is no liquidity it only takes a few shares to raise the price. This creates more volatility and options prices go up and the shorts happily write the contracts. When they drive the stock price back down to near max pain they get to keep the premium. They win. They also get to keep us gambling, remember it’s not the wins that hook the gambler it’s the almost. This FOMO raises the price as they funnel orders to their dark pools and they let the price raise controlled. They then meter out the buying pressure and complete the trade after they walk them down through short laddering. The only way this hurts them is if the shares are DRS'd. That is why the volume explodes.
Supporting Their Cost Basis
It is these two processes together that make up the Bobbing Theory and, I believe explain the Dorito of doom. Each time we touch the top of that line they are grabbing margin from FOMO psychology and supporting their cost basis by raising the average price of their opened shorts. They push up to the top of the pool and take a breath of that sweet retail margin. Then they drop back down through (illegal) high frequency short laddering (slowly exhaling their margin) until they hit the bottom. Then when they need to take another breath they push off the bottom get retail to FOMO and take another breath of that sweet sweet retail margin. They do all this in addition to pumping the market and the longs they hold.
The high frequency short laddering to lower the price is why we see so much off exchange and a huge increase in volume. They are trading between themselves to lower the price without actually burning through their short shares.
The 5 Assumptions
In order for the justification for the FOMO and SCB process to make sense we need a “why", thus the 5 assumptions.
The shorts need to have two things, first enough liquidity to maintain a semblance of margin, and second, a promise (reassurance) of profits (for them and the creditors).
In this theory the hedged funds are working together and are helping each other maintain margin, thus spreading the risk. Remember, we don’t need all of them to fail, we need one of them to fail. This will cause buying back shares at any price and this is something they all desperately want to avoid or they will all get liquidated. So what do they do, they “bob” for a breath of air. The thing is they all have to “bob” when one runs low on margin (air) so we don’t know which one was close to failing. They also go to pretty extreme measures when one of them is about to fail, They do this through loans (Melvin, New York Community Bank) or taking on failing banks (UBS, Silicon valley bank). They are also not being adequately margin called (Archegos, Fed Letter to Prime Brokers). Why would you not get appropriately margin called? Because, you can still justify your short thesis (in your mind) and you have a long standing relationship with the prime brokers. Remember GME still needs to turn a decent profit and show a plan for turning around. As of now, GME keeps this plan close to chest and is experimenting.
So... If these things are true, how does RC fight the shorts and how does the share offering apply?
I’m glad you asked. RC and apes have already set the bottom of the pool. If they lower it too far apes buy and DRS the shit out of the stock and burn up liquidity they are desperate for and use for their manipulation. GME also has $100M ready to buy back shares. Ok so they can’t lower it. But they can keep milking retail right....
Not anymore. Those 45m shares are a warning to the shorts that they will need to get their liquidity elsewhere. If they try to "bob" again RC is going to sell the shares and make GME even more valuable. GME does not need the money but RC has shown that he is protecting the shareholders. If they drop the price he will buy ($100m) if they try to fleece shareholders he will sell and be the one to reap the retail margin for the good of GME not the short sellers.
That filing around the 45m share issuance was not put together, filed and approved in the few days the stock ran last week. I think it was leaked to the shorts by someone at the SEC, and the short sellers gave retail one more fleecing before RC closed the door with that filing. If they come up for air agin, he will drown them. And he will do it through the issuance of Global Shares that cannot be shorted and must be booked so that we can see them accounted for in the DRS numbers (he knows what is important to the shareholders). RC knew this was controlled otherwise there would be no reason to fuck the option chain on the announcement timing. It was already fucked, we just didn't know it yet (I mean kinda, lots of us saw that coming).
Tinfoil
You may or may not agree with this. I look at things in real broad strokes.
The SEC (generally) is on our side. I think CAT is specifically for targeting the high frequency trading the hedge funds use to short ladder between themselves. This is one of the truly illegal things they are doing, but the shorts NEED this mechanism to control the price. Without this mechanism GME runs, naked shorts or not. This is one of the things that the hedge fund cabal uses to reassure the collateral holder that everything is going to be fine, if they control the price everything is under control, if they don't........
The DTCC is kinda on our side (now). They saw/see? the writing on the wall and have made Crypto and other pumped bullshit collateral worthless because they know it is fake. They also do not want to get fucked, and are willing to let some of the bad actors take the fall even though they are also complacent. They think they are far enough removed to not get scrutiny from the public because very few even know they exist.
Last speculation, one of the justifications used to stretch this out is that if they concentrate the diamond hardened holders of GME (less people more stocks) that on average people will sell for lower prices do to their overall portfolio being worth more.
Anyway, thanks for reading if you made it to the end. And as a final note: I encourage you to DRS (Book) your shares, if you don’t and you get fucked, my conscious is clear.
See you on the moon! I’ll get the first round.
-Acatalepsy

My dad kind of revealed a family secret. His health is deteriorating before my eyes and I'm seeing his once strong and wide physique shrink and him becoming frail.... It hurts to see
He sat down in his chair and said he thought he was having a stroke.
He kept talking to himself. Talking about death. About how he wasnt afraid to die and he was practically dueling death before my eyes. He said "You don't scare me you son of a bitch" to open air in front of us and we were none the wiser about what was happening.
He then said something I never thought he would say. He said that he felt euphoric. He started talking about altered states and how sometimes when he was doing his work as a doctor he would go into these states. That he felt things.
He tried to tell my mom. She didn't understand. She was completely speechless. It was like she was too afraid to talk. All this was terrifying to her. But I was right there with him the entire time. He asked my brother if he had any intellectual interests and my brother replied that he liked video games. My dad cursed under his breath, disappointed.
The my mom said "Ask her." My father never really looks at me. We never talk. And he turned to look at me. I told him that I understood.
Relief washed over his face. We talked about individuation, Jung vs Freud, we talked about quantum physics and the physical world versus the spirit world. It felt like he'd heard me for the first time in my entire life and I heard him.
Politically we're very different. He's a Southern conservative man raised Baptist turned Catholic and his dedication to Jesus and Politics take a turn to the fanatical at times and it's caused a lot of arguments with him and my mom. Bad ones. Almost physical.
He was an alcoholic when I was small and that left me deeply traumatized. I thought he would kill us. I thought he would kill everyone. His hulking physique and alcohol were a lethal pairing. He even admitted to hiring someone to kill his ex girlfriend when he was drunk but thank God it fell through.
So there's a lot between us. I feel like we had no understanding of each other whatsoever. We lived in different planets, different universes even. Parallel but never truly touching. Never once seeing.
This was probably the first proper conversation I've had with him in years. We go weeks without saying a word or even looking up when we enter the room. Nothing.
But knowing that I saw him calmed him down from his delirium. He relaxed visibly and was no longer fighting death. He settled down and ate ice cream. But he'd told me something that had shook me to my very core.
He said that this ran in the family. His grandmother said she saw heaven. Ironically about a week ago I was crying bittersweet tears because I saw heaven too. Or something like it. I saw the afterlife. It was beautiful and terrifying. I woke up in tears.
I'd never been happier and I'd never been sadder. A major truth was revealed to me. That on this earth plane we can't experience the love we're capable of.
The love I felt transcended everything I felt. Everything I thought love was is just a speck compared to the light I felt.
I knew I would never feel this again. I would never feel this happy again. I will never feel this love again. And maybe if we remembered we could feel it....
So that hit me hard. My entire life I thought I was the freak in the family. That I was alone. That no one could possibly feel what I felt, especially within my own family. They'd never understand me.
So that door was blown wide open for me. It was living under my nose the entire time. The entire time there were two mystics under one house and we were too afraid to see it in one another.
Too stubborn. Too stuck in old stories. I'm also incredibly sensitive. I feel like my dad is too in some ways. I've never seen him cry. He didn't even cry when his mother died. He says he'll never cry for anyone. And he blows up in anger so easily. So of course he's sensitive like I am. Just in a different way.
I'm also on the autism spectrum so that adds another layer of alienation and I just know that my dad is autistic too.
That day I shoved it all beneath me. My mother was terrified. She was looking to me for answers.
"Is he crazy?" she asked.
"No. " I answered honestly.
He wasn't crazy. Because if he was crazy then I was crazy. But I know what I feel is REAL. She kind of brushed it off and called him a schizophrenic. It hurt.
But I pushed it down anyway. The next day I woke up terrified. I didn't know why. I just felt so anxious. I tried breathing exercises, everything but the sense of dread was still there.
I'd seen my father around all my life, miserable, angry and getting sick. If that's what hiding your radiance and gifts does to you then I don't want it.
I don't want to die when I barely turned 60. I don't want to grey and limp and fall in the bathroom, busting my head open then do nothing about it. It was like he was letting himself die. He wanted to. He said he wanted to.
I saw a part of me in that. The part that was scared. That felt judged. That hid. That felt like such a weirdo. Watching my dad made me realize that it would slowly kill me like a slow acting venom.
I was seeing it before my eyes. He didn't have anyone to understand him all these years. And probably in his home life too....And look at what it'd done.
He was a big angry man hiding gifts and altered states and possibly even God inside of him. And so was I.
We were both hiding.
I couldn't live like that.
I went to the bathroom and cried by myself for awhile and no one knew.
I didn't know what to do with this information and I still don't... But it's there. The story is there. And it's a bittersweet story.
I don't know what I'm going to do with these gifts.
I hope I can make us proud.
One day.

when i was little and still went to girlscouts i went to summer camp one year
and at the camp they had a stuffed goose statue in the cafeteria. i don't remember what they named it but they claimed the goose came alive at night and had us write letters to it. and the goose would write back to us
i know now it was just a fun game the counsellors were playing. but i was little and the fantasy was completely real to me. i believed in magic and santa and hadn't lost all my teeth yet.
i was distraught when the goose did not respond to my letter and later that day the counselors came and brought me to the goose case and showed me my "forgotten letter"
i wish it was possible to thank them for letting the kind makebelieve world persist. a nice safe world where you can write letters to a goose. crueler people would have shattered that fantasy when i was sad about my letter not being answered.
wish i could still exist in that safe world i lived in when they told me a letter had arrived for me and sat with me to watch me open it
i know now that they probably just accidentally forgot me, and wrote me a letter from the goose when they realized. its a human mistake and a human way to make up for it
but they made it special and it was still everything to me in that moment.
i wish the world was kinder to children
i wish letting a little girl believe in a letter writing goose wasnt such a high expectation to have.

This is a rant and if it's not allowed feel free to delete the post and you all have my sincere apology. If not feel free to go along and add on to the pile.
I have been losing interest and fun on a day to day basis ever since we have decided to grow a bit more and focus on bigger clients. However it's not the big clients that make me lose interest, love the pressure, love the challenges, love most of it. It's dealing with the absolute shitload of horrible ERP/CRM/whatever the BLEEP resellers/software companies and the greed that comes with them.
Getting told that you will have to install SQL 2016 in 2024 because currently they don't support 2019 or 2022 is disgusting. Not only because it is a waste of time for us but the exorbitant amount of money they charge for the migration from 2012 to 2016 only to do it all over again in a year (or two) when 2016 is EOL is pissing me off more than it should. It's not my money, we don't have to do much and in the end I probably end up with a fatter wallet because of it. But good lord I feel dirty even though I'm not the one pushing this. Sick and tired of having to sit in meetings where I hear a company talk about the system requirements for their software being stupendous only to then get told that their software is 32-bits and all of their system requirements are bullshit.
Right now we have a client who is basically looking at an upgrade from SQL 2012 to SQL 2016 which is going to set them back a whopping 58k, only a tiny sliver of that is our work but the ERP in question basically has a monopoly for this industry and know it. Realistically they will have to take another 58k (or more) in 2 years when 2016 is done for. This client literally has no choice but to just sign on the dotted line and take it on the chin because there is no decent alternative. Then there's the company that has well over 20 unresolved tickets for a company that has less than 10 people using their software, but because their software is complete dogshit and because they have been just plugging holes instead of updating/fixing the base, no normal fix works and they don't know how to fix anything. Can the client move on? No. Will the software company grant any kind of goodwill when another "tech" spent 3 full days fixing a print button? Nope, here's a 4k invoice.
After speaking with several CEO's/CTO's about this in an advisory role they all basically say the same. They accept the insane greed and money grubbing because switching software will probably kill efficiency so taking the L here is actually the way to go. It's disgusting.
And now I don't want to sound like that old bitter man shaking his fist to the heavens but where have the times gone when the software space wasn't as disgusting. Where have the times gone where you could call a helpdesk and not sit through 20 options in a menu only to still get forwarded to an outsourced receptionist who says a technician will call back as soon as humanly possible. My bloodpressure spikes even thinking about hearing another technician read up a script or a KB for a problem that has already been escalated twice only to get told that they will have to send this "even further up the chain" because appearantly the first THREE lines of defence for the software company don't know how to deal with non-standard errors.
Don't get me wrong, I love my work and I am proud for how far I have come but my goodness I am so done of seeing my staff sigh and moan after having to deal with the same shit over and over again.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

Basically, this unserious relationship (hookup, nothing more) has an issue. When I went to his apartment, it was dirty... There were food and dishes in the sink, a bathroom with hair and marks everywhere including the toilet, what looked like tobacco reside (for a bong) on surfaces, and generally dust/grime. I know that takes a while to build up when you live alone. This hadn't been cleaned for a looong time. Other than that, I mean, it was fine.
The other issue is I saw mice! And I'm pretty sure he saw them too as I jumped and emoted and didn't say anything. Tbh I was just shocked. I am immune compromised, he knows this, and getting sick from mice would be a big issue. It was weird.
I googled the building after and it's known for bedbugs. I had to go home and put everything in the dryer and shower, took a while...
Obviously next time we speak I will directly and pleasantly say what I want, which is I won't see him again until he deals with the cleanliness issue. I don't judge him, but I can't be around that. I actually like his company lots, although I'm not too keen on seeing him again at this point. But I'm also sort of weirded out it was even that dirty and he didn't clean for me, not that I care about niceties given what we are but it was unhygienic.
I'm just looking for vibes on this, as a thought experiment while I decide what to do. He does work lots, but he has more than enough to hire a cleaner. It was odd.
Thanks!

Hi! So normally I can tell the difference with context clues but with this stray we're fostering I don't have many. When we got her in she wasn't even 5 pounds, extremely sickly, but very friendly. We've been taking care of her, found her a good adopter that was personally know who will be taking her in late summer. We've had her for about a month now, last time we took her to the vet to get checked out for fur loss (determined to be caused by calicivirus and dead fleas) she was officially 6.01 pounds! I assumed she had a leg injury as she tends to hiss and get upset if she's held a certain way but it didn't seem to bother her enough to warrant an x-ray (didn't wanna get one unnecessarily bc they're expensive and we know her soon to be owner will gladly pick up and take care of what we can't.)
I send her future owner updates at least once a week and sometimes once a day to keep her in the loop. I joked recently about how much the cat bloats after eating. I just got back from a trip and I noticed she was rounder than when I left and the person who was taking care of her noted so too, assuming she was just eating too much. When I picked her up today in the way I normally do, she hissed a lot and swatted at me when I put pressure on her belly area. (She wasn't upset she was telling me she didn't like that and immediately calmed down once she was set down :) No struggle during holding just upon picking up. She's a good cat I don't want to make her sound mean. :( )
It just occurred to me that there a chance she might be pregnant as she's not spayed (something the future owner will have done as spays are often around $500 with our vet, closer to $1k if it's a spay abort) and it is around the time she would be starting to show. I assumed with the state she was in when we got her that her body would've terminated any pregnancy to try to heal herself but saying that aloud I realize how silly that sounds.
I can try to get an above picture of her tomorrow as we're settled in bed and I don't want to bother her but here is a side by side of the day we got her in and shortly after her most recent vet appointment. Keep in mind the second photo is literally RIGHT after she ate.
Granted she is eating a lot and I'm pulling back on how much she's eating now that I'm back to managing her food (wanted to keep it simple for her temporary care taker). She was being given two full cans of wet food and roughly 1 and a half measuring cups of dry food, she doesnt eat all of it, we just provided options. I'm bringing her down to half a can of wet food and 1/2 a measuring cup of dry food. Before the change is implemented she would sometimes barely touch the wet food to SCARFING down both cans, most of the time she slowly eats through the hard food over a week and a half, eating far less than 1/4th cup in a day. But some days she eats the dry food instead of the wet food. So there's definitely opportunity for her to be getting fat. (Want to clarify that much food we were given the okay to give to her by our vet to get her weight up and help heal her tongue ulcers as we used to have to make her soft food into a slurry but she was still determined to eat the hard food sometimes. We give all our other cats 1/4th cup of dry food and a little wet food for some liquid in their diet. :) )
I plan to call and schedule a vet appointment for next week (so it's after we get paid) for an x-ray for her legs anyway, but I'm asking here for any tips or insight or things we should be looking out for! Advice is appreciated thank you!!
(If it helps, all of our other cats are fixed and she's kept separated from them bc of her calicivirus. We got her April 20th which is when the first photo was taken. She had a large upper respiratory infection, severely ulcerated tongue, severely underweight, and general pain but that all has been treated with exception of calicivirus as it's been explained to me that it's a chronic condition and not exactly can be cured. But we are managing it! We have handled other fosters including a pregnant one, we were in an okay financial situation when we took this one in and right now it's a little rocky but will be okay now we're budgeting better we just need to wait for more paydays for things to even out. No matter what she will get the care she needs and she will be taken to the vet, I'm just looking for input until we can get her to her vet appointment without completely breaking the bank :) )
Third and fourth photos are to show her face when we first got her (she was a cuddle bug and did not want to be alone) and most recently! :) as you can see she's doing well health wise!!!
So what should I watch out for to see if she may be pregnant or just fat??? Both there's equal chance of in my eyes, we don't know her backstory other than she's less than a year old and was outside until someone caught her and brought her to us, even then they hadn't seen her before so they don't have any history either on her.
I can try to answer questions! Sorry if this is too much detail, I care about her a lot and want to give information that may help in figuring things out about her!!!

Ello Reddit, First time poster, long time lurker.
And I've found myself in a bit of a pickle. That pickle being is over $3000 in traffic offences that I did not commit.
Here's the timeline for ya.
Mid 2020- I'd moved to a place in the Melbourne inner suburbs 6 months earlier, a 20-minute walk from work. Things were looking a bit dicey with cash money, so I decided to scrap my crusty old car to save some dosh.
I have not driven a motor vehicle of any description since. That's an important, stone hard fact.
Skip to Jan 2022- And I was applying for a new job, and my probationary licence had expired, so I got vicroads to send me my full licence. (I needed it for the whole fit4work thing they're making us do now) But before I got my little mits on it, somebody decided to nick it out of my mailbox.
It's been nothing but a living nightmare since.
Whoever did that decided to rack up thousands of dollars in fines ever since. They did it by nominating me for those fines.
-I got a letter from an insurance company claiming I was responsible for a crash in Queensland.
-I also had VicPol at my door asking if I had stolen a car and gone on a cheeky little crime spree. (Luckily, that was cleared up pretty quickly.) -I tried to report my licence stolen, but because it was never physically in my possession, I was told I couldn't. -I also didn't get that job because I could provide 100 points of ID in time.
'But young reddit user, why didn't you just reject the nomination?' I hear you ask.
Well... I may have had some boogins in my brain at the time. Covid had done it's damage and I really wasn't well. For most of 2022, I was in and out of active psychosis and didn't have a lot of support. The shadow people don't give great legal advice. By the time I got it together, it was too late to reject them.
Skipping to now, I've set up a payment plan for $50 a fortnight to keep fines victoria from breaking down my front door, but I want to know if it's worth talking to lawyer and trying to fight this. My licence expires at the end of the year. (Do you get a new licence number when it renews?)
I truly did not commit any of those offences, I'm not a violent or crimey schizo. I just get paranoid and don't leave my apartment for weeks at a time. (I'm doing better now. 🙂)
Is there any better option than continuing with the payment plan?
Thanks heaps for any advice.

Ello Reddit, First time poster, long time lurker.
And I've found myself in a bit of a pickle. That pickle being is over $3000 in traffic offences that I did not commit.
Here's the time line for ya.
Mid 2020- I'd moved to a place in the Melbourne inner suburbs 6 months earlier, a 20-minute walk from work. Things were looking a bit dicey with cash money, so I decided to scrap my crusty old car to save some dosh.
I have not driven a motor vehicle of any description since. That's an important, stone hard fact.
Skip to Jan 2022- And I was applying for a new job, and my probationary licence had expired, so I got vicroads to send me my full licence. (I needed it for the whole fit4work thing they're making us do now) But before I got my little mits on it, somebody decided to nick it out of my mailbox.
It's been nothing but a living nightmare since.
Whoever did that decided to rack up thousands of dollars in fines ever since. They did it by nominating me for those fines.
-I got a letter from an insurance company claiming I was responsible for a crash in Queensland. -I also had VicPol at my door asking if I had stolen a car and gone on a cheeky little crime spree. (Luckily, that was cleared up pretty quickly.) -I tried to report my licence stolen, but because it was never physically in my possession, I was told I couldn't. -I also didn't get that job because I could provide 100 points of ID in time.
'But young reddit user, why didn't you just reject the nomination?' I hear you ask.
Well... I may have had some boogins in my brain at the time. Covid had done it's damage and I really wasn't well. For most of 2022, I was in and out of active psychosis and didn't have a lot of support. The shadow people don't give great legal advice. By the time I got it together, it was too late to reject them.
Skipping to now, I've set up a payment plan for $50 a fortnight to keep fines victoria from breaking down my front door, but I want to know if it's worth talking to lawyer and trying to fight this. My licence expires at the end of the year. (Do you get a new licence number when it renews?)
I truly did not commit any of those offences, I'm not a violent or crimey schizo. I just get paranoid and don't leave my apartment for weeks at a time. (I'm better now. 🙂)
Is there any better option than continuing with the payment plan?
Thanks heaps for any advice.

Never thought I would be doing this, but here I am suing my previous employer, which I was with for 6 months. They let me go cause I made a complaint how a lead his hostile with me and the tasks he assigned is ridiculous. I worked with all men; 4 in the office, 1 in the warehouse, and the rest are out in the field. We all worked in a small building, where we hear everyone’s conversations from one end of the building to to another, in normal tone too. Even when one’s whisper, we cannot make out but can tell someone is whispering. That’s how small the office is. From the beginning , it all started off fine and we all get along. But not until they rehired a former female employee, let’s call her Snake. I was excited thinking I will have a female to go to lunch with and do girls talk. I was wrong. It all started the day of her interview. Even though we know we gonna hired her, Company’s policy she still has to go through the interview process. The day of the interview, I greeted Snake happily with a big smile, she given me a weak smile and walked off to the interview. After the interview I said “goodbye” to her and watch her walked out the door, while watching her I can see she mouth silently “WTH.” I shoved it off hoping that’s not toward me. By the way, she about 10 years younger than me. Snake’s first day on the job, she ignored me when walked in. Later in the day she came out of her office with our Division Manger, Jay, and yelled at me, in front of the other leads, why her orders came in duplicate when she just order quantity of 1. They all seen and did nothing, just quietly walked back to their office. I was embarrassed and just told her I looked into it. She even reached out to me in Teams, group message with other leads too, yelling at me for doing my work incorrectly and she does not understand, i told her to point out what am I doing incorrectly so i can correct it even though this is how i was trained, been doing it for months, and no one ever pointed out anything is incorrect. She just said, “nevermind” and drop the topic. Again, none of the leads in the Teams message said anything, all was silense. For the past few months everyone keeps their distance from me. It bothers. Then there was this one day I was on the phone with the vendor, going over pick-up schedule and charges, one of my lead, M, eaves drop on our conversation, only hear my side of the conversation, and start assuming stuff. He started yelling at me, assuming I am charging the company more. I proved him wrong by calling the vendor back and put him on speaker and have him retell our conversation. After the call M hung up and just went back to his office, no apologies no nothing. Next day during our office weekly meeting, I really thought we would go over what happened the previous day and find a solution. All Jay said is he will take part of my duties away. That is upsetting, but less work for me. Throughout the period of working there, coworkers I used to get along and loved chatting with, seems as though they are avoiding me and very obvious they given me the pitty look, that’s when I have a good feeling they gonna let me go. M usually assigns me tasks via email and details what he wants. But this time he comes up in person and assign a task and tells me in details what he expect -I went over what he wanted before proceeding. When completed and handed it to him, he yelled at me and bring me to the office with the Jay, in a low calm voice how I don’t listen and do my work incorrectly. I was upset and accepted it. Not long later he requested me to demand an unconditional release from our vendor, even though we have not made a payment. I started asking him does he know what an unconditional release is and when to request for one. He snarked at me he does. My office is next to his, i can hear his conversation clearly. Snake was in there talking to him, I can hear him asked her what is an unconditional released. I noticed how sweet and soft he talked to her and everyone else too, but me. I felt sad and disrespected and being made a fool by the tasks he assign. My last straw, was when i come up to him asking him how he want to proceed with a customer we have issues with, he snarked at me for asking him, even though that is his project! He eaves drop again listening in my conversation with our accounting department, and come up to me all nice for updates. I used the last hour of my shift to write a complain letter to my division manager, Jay, pointing out how M is hostile with me and the duties he demanded from me with the vendor is out of line and out of my hand. Once I pressed submit, it felt good and I drove home happy feeling I did the right thing. I really thought the next day he will pull us in or him have a conversation with M, and I will work in peace again. Next day M was real nice to me and asked me do I have the key to the office with me. Right away I knew I am gonna be let go. Jay took 2 days to respond to my email and all what was said was to try to ask for an unconditional release. All I felt was anger. Before week shift ended i reached out to Jay for a quick meeting. All what was meant to go over is how am I doing and am I meeting everyone’s expectation. Once he said “yes,” right away I asked him does he agreed how M is treating me and the tasks he given me. I pointed out, thinking it was a good idea, that each times M assign a task I will confirm it over email so we call can be on the same page. J don’t look happy and used the excuse he have errands to run and we can talk about this topic tomorrow. Again, I went home feeling good and thinking I did the right thing. Next day I was ready to talk to Jay, coming to the office in a good mood and thinking everything gonna get settled. Once walked in the door, I can’t explained it but everyone is being weird with me. I did a soft cry once I realized and except this is my work environment. Nothing I can do or say will change. They all are friends, even outside of work. I felt real sad and cry and decided to give up and take back my complaint and accept it. This is what it is, nothing I can do, beside looking for a new job. Jay finally pulled me into his office, once the door shut he said, “because of my dispute with M, paperwork had been gathered and they decided to let me go.” My respond was not what he expect, I thank him for making the right decision for both sides and I agreed with him. He started going on and on how he cares for me, I rolled my eyes and thank him again for his decision, that’s when he got up and excepted me out. I drove off happy I am no longer at that miserable place, but cried hard when I realized I’m jobless. I went crying to a friend, and suggested to do wrongful termination. Thank goodness I emailed myself a copy of my complain and his respond back. I selected my attorney all happily and later down the road, I feel like she don’t wanna help me and the demand letter stated settleling for really less. I don’t know what to do. Do i have the right to file for wrongful termination? Do you think i good case? Or am I wasting my time? Thank you.

Hi everyone I work as an AHP in GP but leaving soon as Ive been offered a new job. I've had 3 short absences of sickness this year (1 or 2 days) and believed I was well within my sickness allocation which is 1 month full pay, 1 month half.
I've had the 2 days I was off on the last period of sickness deducted from my salary. They didn't tell me this was going to happen. When I asked why the money had been deducted they said their policy is more than 2 absences and then the first week of the third absence is unpaid. This is not stated in my contract but apparently is in an employee handbook which I never received a copy of and isn't referred to in the contract, but is apparently available on the shared drive if you look for it.
I dont know what to do, whether I have a case for fighting this? I also don't want to cause too much of a fuss as want to leave on good terms etc.
Thanks!

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/ThrowRAtricionera posting in TrueOffMyChest
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 2nd February 2024
Update1 - 2nd February 2024
Update2 - 17th May 2024
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My sister slept with my boyfriend and I sent her a really cruel message that I don't regret at all
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My sister slept with my boyfriend and I sent her a really cruel message that I don't regret at all Sorry but this post will have A LOT of bad energy and I'm terrible at writing in English so If anyone is going to read the post, I'm sorry for all the grammatical errors that are likely to be in the post. :P
So a few days ago I (F25) found out that my sister (24f) has been sleeping with my boyfriend (now ex, 25m. We dated for three years) for one year or probably more.
They always had a close relationship but I obviously took it as something innocent, I don't like video games but my sister does so they talked a lot by text and I thought it was about games they like until I found out that no, they talked a lot about their secret dates while I was working and in college, I found pictures, videos and a lot of other disgusting things in the chats between my ex and my sister.
My pathetic sister found pleasure in asking my pathetic ex all the time if she's smarter or prettier than me, she even compared our private parts, wth (We're both pretty, she's actually thinner and prettier than me and even if she's an introvert she has her group of friends so I really don't understand where she got so much venom towards me, our parents never compared us or anything like that and she was always the one asking my ex to compare both of us in the chats.)
The first thing I did was throw all my ex-boyfriend's things out of the apartment, I insulted him in a thousand ways and I kept the PC that I gave him for Christmas.
I didn't speak a single word to my sister for over a week and she didn't contacted me like the coward she is until yesterday when she sent me a message trying to justify herself by saying that it was a mistake (Yes, a mistake that lasted more than a year) and that I should forgive her because we're sisters and blah blah blah at one point I thought "Should I be the mature person in the situation who doesn't let resentment speak for her?" but then I realized that I've never been that kind of person. I took my phone and wrote a long message to my sister that I would love to write here but I am sure that I would break the rules since I called her out in every possible way and I wrote a lot of personal things too, I told her how much of a failure she is and how she has always envied me and that's why she needed to feel what it's like to be me for a second of her sad life.
She sent me a voice massage crying and saying that she's in a very weak moment mentally (but she's still with him, lmao) and I shouldn't make her feel worse and that she regrets it, I just reacted to her message with this emoji 😂 and didn't even heard the long voice message until the end.
Was it a low thing to attack her with all her flaws? Yes, but it's lower to betray your sister and believe that she's going to forgive you just because you share blood with her.
Honestly, I feel really good after sending her that message and feel that it was Therapeutic to take out everything I feel to give closure to that.
Btw I've never used a PC for gaming but I'm looking for tutorials on YouTube about how to download the SIMS.
I helped my sister in every moment of her life, I literally fought for her when she was being bullied during High school, I helped her thousands of times to make friends, I even accompanied her everywhere she wanted, it is a betrayal that really hurts and I will never forgive, never. It hurts me that she slept with someone I loved, but it hurts me a lot all the things I read in those chats, how she enjoyed watching him compare me to her or how she asked him about personal things about our relationship just to laugh at it. She's dead to me and my parents knows it.
I don't even care if I'm a bad person like them, this is something I can't forgive and I don't even feel bad for my reaction.
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Comments
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tsscaramel
At least your ex showed he was a POS before you got married so now you have the opportunity to find someone who actually appreciates you, sounds like an upgrade if you ask me.

OOP: To be honest the relationship was already going bad in some ways (although that doesn't justify what he did) so I don't feel too bad for breaking up, I took out the trash

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MyUsernameIsMehh
Going bad is still never an excuse to cheat. If e had the slightest bit of respect for you as a human being then he would just break up
Good riddance.
People often say "how you lose them is how you got them" so I wouldn't be surprised if she came crying to you one day about him cheating on her
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Ithink-imoverit2405
Good for you. Perpetrator only makes themselves a victim when they wanted to. Please inform your parents of the event to not let her play victim more and throw you under the bus and back the bus to hit you more times.

OOP: Thanks! They already know everything. Neither of them are on her side and they respect that I want to cut off all contact with my sister. My parents are really strict so I think they're going to cut contact with her too but that's their decision, I don't want to get into that and cause problems

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The message - same day
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Thank you for all the nice comments you left me! Many wrote to me with tips for the sims and I'm really grateful, thanks for the game recommendations even though I'm really bad at playing action game, The last action game I played was Resident Evil 4 on the PS2 long time ago and it was because I had a crush with Leon Kennedy (he would never cheat on me btw).
As a token of appreciation (And because I also like it when the op uploads the whole gossip), I will put here half of the message I sent to my sister.
The message I sent her was really long and I cut out the parts where I talk about very private things or when I insulted her to not make the post too uncomfortable because I was really hurt and angry at that moment and I talked about many personal things in the text. I will put the copy of the message in the end if someone talks Spanish. I'm sorry if it sounds weird in English, I did my best to translate it and I had to remove a lot of parts.
"I'm not interested in hearing any of your excuses, I believed you when a problem she had with her ex-friend group happened because I really trusted that you would never do something like that but now I understand why everyone leaves you alone and you deserve it.
What you did to me is a shit and you know it but you didn't care because you spent a year being the whore of ex name without any shame and now that I found out everything you went days without talking to me because you are a coward and on top of that you still don't care about what you did to me, You're only talking to me because Dad probably stopped talking to you and you're running out of money, so you want to fix this shit so he gives you money again.
You were always an asshole but don't you think it's a lot to be my boyfriend's second woman? How little respect do you have for yourself? We're sisters, I don't even know what's going on in your head because I don't understand what's wrong with you. Girl, I read all the messages between you and you even started comparing our bodies, YOU'RE SICK.
You know that I never did anything for you to do this to me and I loved you. But everything turned out really well for you because he's with you so enjoy that feeling and the love you two have for the other for now because you are going to be really lonely later and you are going to go back to your cave but this time I am not going to be there to pity you like every time I did before.
Stay with him, there's nothing that interests me less than fighting for an idiot who is surely going to leave you but let me make it clear to you that you're not going to hear about me again, this dies here, we are not sister's anymore. If I see you on the street then I'm going to cross to the opposite sidewalk to not see you."
"No me interesa escuchar ninguna de tus excusas, yo te creí cuando pasó lo de a problem she had with her ex-friend group porque de verdad confié en que vos nunca harías algo así pero ahora entiendo por qué todos te dejan sola y te lo mereces.
Lo que me hiciste es una cagada y vos lo sabes pero no te importó porque estuviste un año siendo la trola de ex name sin ninguna vergüenza y ahora que me enteré de todo estuviste días sin hablarme porque sos re cagona y encima te sigue sin importar lo que me hiciste, solamente me estás hablando porque papá seguramente te cortó el rostro y te estás quedando sin plata así que querés arreglar tu cagada para que te vuelvan a depositar. Siempre fuiste una pelotuda fracasada pero no te parece un montón rebajarte a ese nivel de ser la segunda de mi novio? Tan poco respeto te tenés a vos misma? Somos hermanas, no sé ni que está pasando por tu cabeza porque posta no entiendo que te pasa. Flaca, leí todos los mensajes entre ustedes y te ponías a comparar nuestros cuerpos, estás re enferma.
Vos sabes que yo nunca te hice nada para que vos me hagas esto y te re quería, igual te salió re bien porque el está con vos así que disfruta por ahora ese amor que se tienen porque después te vas a quedar sola de verdad y vas a volver a tu cueva pero esta vez no voy a estar yo para tenerte lastima como siempre hice antes.
Quédate con el, no hay nada que me interese menos que pelear por un idiota que seguramente te va a dejar pero que te quede claro que de mi no vas a volver a escuchar, acá muere, no somos más hermanas y si te veo en la calle me cruzo de vereda."
Edit: Yes, I'm from Argentina :)
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Update - 3 months later
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They broke up nobody's surprised
When all of this happened my parents scolded my sister and she got offended and didn't speak to our parents except to ask them for money, she asked them for money to buy things for her career but then my aunt told my parents that my sister actually used that money to buy my ex some sneakers.
My parents never gave her any money from that day on, she's an idiot tbh. My parents started to pay for us to go to a private college and the only thing we have to do is literally STUDY, The only thing she had to do was take her studies seriously but she didn't, so my father got tired and hasn't sent her money for months.
My ex discovered the post because he said it went viral in Facebook and obviously he recognized the story, he contacted me to apologize and said he knows he did wrong by hurting me like that but my sister 'manipulated him' and it was a total mistake, I told him he can shove his apologies in the ass. Meanwhile, my sister and I have only crossed paths a few times, but she always avoids me because she thinks I'm going to hit her (I won't). We're not going to the same career so we luckily don't see each other too much
Anyway, a few days ago she went to our parents' house saying that she broke up with my ex (idk why) And that she felt really sad and had an anxiety attack, I don't know exactly what they talked about since I wasn't there but my mother told me that she told my sister that she knew what was going to happen when she slept with him and my sister justified herself by saying that 'They're in love' so my mother and her just argued again and my sister left. Now she doesn't talk to anyone in the family except our grandmother to ask for money, I know my sister is not going to change her bad habits and she didn't learn anything from this, I even think she will get together with my ex again because they're just toxic with each other but it's her life to ruin, not mine and I don't care anymore.
The bright side: I sold the pc to a guy from reddit that saw my post and that really saved me from having to keep paying the dues, unfortunately I didn't get to play The Sims much but I prefer the extra money. My ex had told me that he wanted the pc back but I told him that then he should pay the remaining dues AND HE SAID NO, so the idiot wanted the pc for free even though he slept with my sister. 🥴
The weird side: There are YouTubers who are literally charging their subscribers to read the post or other reddit posts in their podcast, tf, at least give me a share of the profits.
I'm know it's a boring update and probably everyone wanted that the update was my sister begging for forgiveness and my ex suffering but no, they are just two idiots who deserve each other and nothing more happened but even today I received a message asking me for an update, haha.
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Comments
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Driverpicksthetunes
Not even 6 months later they break up, oh yeah clearly it was twuuuuu wuvvvv 😂 glad you sold the PC and dropped the dead weight from your life
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MyUsernameIsMehh

They broke up

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

That was quick lmfao
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

PT 1 PT 2
Hi everyone! Welcome. please enjoy the script!! Any questions regarding the script please message me directly, but it's okay to monetize and make gender changes, but please no major script changes! Thank you very much for reading!
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[Sounds of panic, running can be heard, soldiers moving around in a battle]
Prince: Don't look back okay? Keep running! We need to make it to the river, there's supposed to be one just through these trees!
Listener: ....
Prince: I don't know what it is, I never saw it, and I said don't look back!
Listener: ....
Prince: There's nothing we can do for them! This is their job, focus on what's in front of you or you'll die too!
[The listener trips and falls. The Prince notices after a second, and hesitates]
Prince: Shit...-
[Prince goes back and pulls the listener up]
Prince: On your feet damn it! The river is just up ahead! Can you swim?
Listener: ....
Prince: Well then I hope you're a fast learner.
[Heavy beast footsteps approaching, something is charging them]
Prince: Shit shit shit- why the hell is it following us?! Damn... it's fast! There's the river, jump, now!
[Listener jumps in]
Prince: Like fuck am I dying to you, ugly.
[Prince jumps in, and the audio fades out]
[Sounds of being underwater, muffled speech as the audio fades back in]
Prince: Hey, Silverspoon! Where the hell are you! [Prince tries not to inhale any water as they're both carried down the river, gasping for air] God damn it, I can't see anything!
[Audio fades out again, then back in]
Prince: Ugh! [Gasping] If you can hear me, try to protect your head and keep it above water! Don't fight the current!
[Audio fades out, fades back in with forest sounds and a river, as they both wash up on the river bank]
Prince: [Coughing] I... don't hear anything... I have no idea how far the river brought us, but I think it's far enough that we're safe. Are you still alive over there, Silverspoon?
Listener: ....
Prince: Alright, well stop laying in the mud then. We need to get moving. We need to find shelter, and figure out what we're doing. There’s no way of knowing exactly where we are… but the river should have carried us to the west… ughh, damn it! What the hell even was that thing?!
Listener: ….
Prince: Huh- uh, what? What’s wrong with my… oh.
Listener: ….
Prince: No, it doesn’t normally bend like that, you’re right. For once. I guess it must have happened in the river? A broken arm is going to be a little… annoying.
Listener: ….
Prince: Like I told you before, I feel nothing. It just means this arm likely isn’t going to do me much good for anything out here. I’m just glad it’s not your arm, if I had to deal with you whimpering and complaining about a sore arm, your company would be twice as insufferable as it already is.
Listener: ….
Prince: Excuse me? “Let me see your arm” oh like hell! You’d do more harm than good, your stitches were atrocious, I can only imagine what your patch job for a broken bone would be.
Listener: ….
Prince: No, I said your stitches were ‘good enough’ which is entirely different from good! Just leave me be, I’ll make a sling and that’ll do. [Sound of fabric tearing as he rips his clothes for cloth] As long as I can walk and hold a sword, I’m not concerned. Now, if you’re interested in returning to civilization, I suggest you follow me. Don’t slow me down, or I’ll leave you behind.
[A few moments of silence, and footsteps in the grass/woods/dirt as the two start walking]
Prince: Tell me if you see any animals, we’re going to need food to eat tonight. And keep an eye out for danger, I’m busy trying to make sense of where we are. I know every landmark in the kingdom, I just need to find something definitive, so I don’t have time to focus on threats as well.
Listener: ….
Prince: Yes, I expect we’ll be sleeping in the woods for at least a few days. We weren’t in a very populated area to begin with, it could be days, if not weeks until we come across something. Although, I don’t expect us to last weeks out here.
Listener: ….
Prince: I’m not a pessimist, I’m a realist. My arm is broken which is bound to take its toll eventually, and you’re bruised and cut like the average prisoner in my dungeon. Honestly I’m surprised you didn’t break anything, you’re rather delicate looking. Hold on-... where is your other shoe? You’re missing one.
Listener: …..
Prince: [The prince sighs] Alright, well that’s not going to work. Walking in one high heel is going to make you trip, especially in this terrain. Not to mention if you step on something sharp and can’t walk, you’re going to cause me a lot more trouble. Here, take mine. [The prince takes his shoes off, handing them to the listener]
Listener: ….
Prince: Don’t, just take them. It’s not out of concern, don’t fool yourself. If I hurt my feet, it won’t slow me down. You’re a different story entirely.
Listener: ….
Prince: Good. Now let’s go.
Listener: ….
Prince: I told you, I have no idea what it was. I’ve never seen a beast like that. It looked like some sort of… I don’t even know. Whatever it was, it decimated an entire troop of soldiers. I get the feeling it’s going to be a much bigger problem for me in the future. The main issue is its speed. If it weren’t for the trees slowing it down, we would have certainly died. Ah, not something to focus on now though, I suppose.
[A few moment of silence and just footsteps again]
Prince: What? Why did I save you? I don’t know, it wasn’t really my intention. Instinct, I suppose. You were there in the wagon with me, so I just acted. There wasn’t really time to think about anything. It wasn’t an act of kindness, you just got lucky. Or unlucky, seeing as this means you’re still my prisoner. Most people prefer it to being dead, not all though.
Listener: ….
Prince: Call me dramatic if you want, I don’t care. I’m only trying to give you fair warning, and keep the boundaries of our relationship completely clear. You? Prisoner. Me? Captor. Got that? Right now we’re on a temporary truce to survive a giant monster attack, so just try to make sure you don’t trick yourself into thinking I’m going to look out for you, or that we’re allies of some kind.
Listener: ….
Prince: You’re welcome to think whatever you want, but don’t start crying when you find out that you’re wrong, and get yourself hurt.
[The listener runs towards the prince]
Prince: Pfft, you’ve never been in the woods a day in your life, have you?
Listener: ….
Prince: Well you just ran at me to save you from a bug, so… oh actually you know what, that thing is giant, fair enough. There, it’s taken care of. I wouldn’t want that thing crawling on me, either. Anyway, while we’re stuck out here, I might as well teach you a few things. That way I won’t have to do everything myself. Once I kill us something for dinner, I’ll teach you how to skin and prep it properly. And collect water, that’ll be important too. We’ll go over the basics when we make camp for the night.
[Scene fades out]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[Scene opens with sounds of a crackling campfire and nighttime ambience]
Prince: You did okay. The shelter hasn’t tipped over yet, and this rabbit isn’t burnt or raw, so that’s a moderate success. Next one we catch, we’ll see if you were paying attention to my ‘introduction to game prep’ crash course. Once the dew forms in the morning, we'll collect it off the big leaves of the trees around here. Not much left to do now. Ugh, I’m exhausted. Maybe I’ll just sleep for a few days and deal with the rest later… oh, right, gotta take- wait.
[The prince rifles through his bag, looking for his medicine. The sound of broken glass shards clicking together is heard, and rifling suddenly stops]
Prince: …damn it. I should have checked my bag sooner… ugh!
Listener: ….
Prince: Uh n-no, it’s nothing. Mind your own business! I… we… need to get back to civilization as soon as possible. Back to the palace.
Listener: ….
Prince I told you before, don’t ask me about it. The only thing you’re serving to do with that is piss me off.
Listener: ….
Prince: It’s not a big deal. In fact it’s no concern at all. I don’t even need it! I don’t think so, at least. I- ugh, didn’t I tell you to mind your own business?
Listener: ….
Prince: Do not call me hornet prince. Look, I would never tell you anything relating to a weakness of mine, because that’s a good way to have them exploited. You may be stupid, but surely you can understand the value of keeping your secrets?
Listener: ….
Prince: You’re… sick? What are you talking about?
Listener: ….
Prince: You… are you saying that because of what I said? Being frail and ill since childhood isn’t all that uncommon, but that explains why you seem so easily exhausted. I mean you looked like you were about to collapse before we jumped in the river, and we only ran for a couple of minutes. I don’t care, though, let me be clear. You sharing a weakness doesn’t really count if you have no strength to stand on anyway.
Listener: ….
Prince. I guess you did at least survive being swept down a river, but I don’t know if I’d classify the state you’re in as ‘well’.
Listener: ….
Prince: You can give up trying to gain my trust, it’s not going to happen. Besides, you just admitted you were lying to me when I found you on the road. Sneaking away from your family is not the story you relayed to me then. Whatever, doesn’t matter now.
Listener: ….
Prince: Ah, now I see. This is your plan to get me to let you look at my arm, hm?
Listener: ….
Prince: You’re not as clever as you think. You’re not very clever at all, honestly, from what I’ve seen. Well, I suppose we’ll be sharing a sleeping space tonight anyway, so… fine. If you try anything, there will be a sword sticking into your chest before you can blink. That’s your only warning. Anyway… here.
[The prince extends his arm, letting the listener check it out]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prince: Huh… you know, I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to know how to set a bone. Your needlework said you didn’t have much doctoring experience, but maybe I’m just used to experts. The doctors in the castle are typically trying not to leave scars, but your stitching is holding well. Where did you learn all this?
Listener: ….
Prince: You… learned by patching up your brothers? Didn’t you have servants to do that for you? And what the hell were your brothers doing as children to require that much medical attention-? Actually forget I asked, I don’t actually care. This will do fine, in any case.
Listener: ….
Prince: If you’re looking for a thank you, it’s not coming. I’m going to sleep now, I’m tired, and talking to someone so boring isn’t helping that.
[The prince stands, walks over to the shelter they built, and the listener follows him. He crawls in and lays down, once again followed by the listener]
Prince: Do your best not to touch me during my sleep, if you startle me, I might end up stabbing you. I’m sure you’d like to avoid that, and I’d like to avoid getting my clothes any bloodier. Stay strictly on your side of the shelter, and we won’t have an issue.
Listener: ….
Prince: Yeah, so what if you get cold? Not my problem, go cuddle a bear or something.
Listener: ….
Prince: Yeah… goodnight, Silverspoon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Hope you liked PT 3 of the script! The prince has a cannon name. I thought it might be fun to have people guess what it might be. If you have a guess, please feel free to comment it! A hint is, it has something to do with a general of the distant past. Either way, do you think I should add his name to the script eventually, or keep it blank? I may even leave it up to a creator by creator basis, who knows! Either way, I think an air of mystery is really fun so I include that a lot, but I also really like to give my characters names, haha. Anyway, thank you for reading!

For the longest time I’ve struggled with anxiety. I’ve been limited socially in many ways but I’ve always managed to get around it. COVID reset me and put me in square one. Sophomore year of high school I was in person for the first time in a year and a half and I was getting my bearings. I was in an IB program and separated from my best friend of 4 years. I felt stuck between my best friend and wanting to make new ones I suppose.
I did make new ones that year and I’m very thankful for it. I feel better just mentioning it I suppose. Well it’s just one friend and I don’t think he knows how much I value him. But that year I was feeling better and better about myself. Better than I ever had. I even developed feelings for a girl which I literally hadn’t since the first grade. I was beginning to think I was asexual or whatever.
I start dating her in the summer before junior year. That summer was perfect. I had a major surgery and she was there helping me recover. She’d bring me food her mom would prepare from her home of Ecuador. She told me she wanted to marry me. I did too. I was so in love. I still love her but like the title says I’m broken right now.
School stressed us out but we stayed through thick and thin loving eachother, communicating and respecting eachother. But something changed in her. She became more negative. More critical. She attributes her harsh tone to not changing her Spanish inflections when speaking English but thinking on it, it wasn’t always like this. She judges harshly, hates on everything and everyone, ignores what I recommend and constantly sleeps. Junior year she became “sick”
I say “sick” because there is no cause and she has had numerous consults and meets to figure it out. For the most part it has just been whole body pain but recently she just sleeps . Senior year really was the beginning of the end. She would yell at me and then “not remember it”. She’d feel slighted by my parents because we were not allowed to have sleepovers anymore. I didn’t care. I was still with her. But day in day out she would make me ask my parents to allow sleepover again. She had no respect for boundaries. One day we were supposed to have a date in the morning but for some reason my mom included my sister. My gf wouldn’t speak a word nor look at any of us . It could’ve been a bonding time because she always says how much she wants to be a part of the family. No, she was unbearably rude.
She says she feels pressured by my mom or unsupported. My mom has heard about her difficulties and reached out to the school counselor for hours to help her. Checked in on her , sent college and scholarship info. My gf jus leaves it on read. I don’t know why she feels this way.
For my birthday I wanted her to come to the beach for my 18th. It is mandatory that we sleep in the bunk which I didn’t mind. Of course she had a probe. Then we get there and the room is very dmall. Just fits the bed. She starts complaining . Not just on my birthday but my dad’s birthday . She didn’t even say happy birthday to him . Not to mention she seldom says thank you. She says she just forgets and she shows gratitude through actions but c’mon .
She was so offended by the beach trip she said she wouldn’t come to my house for an indefinite period of time. Then she would speak I’ll of my parents to hers. When we have invited them to thanksgiving, taken her on two beach trips and been nothing but supportive. I wanted to take prom photos but she wouldn’t even go inside my house. In fact she got upset I even said I wanted photos. My parents are confused why they don’t see giuli especially after this fiasco at the beach and they’ve caught on with her recent eratic behavior and sensitivity so they know something is up .
It’s been a burden on me. I wonder why do I love her? I do. She thinks everything is just fine right now. Which is part of the problem. How can she think everything is fine? I thought she wanted to marry me. How could she do this? She said she wants to get past this. Her family had the opportunity the other day. My medal ceremony for ib was the first time my family had seen my gf for months. My family went out of their way to greet hers and they actively retreated. Couldn’t look us in the eye and ran away. Let alone my gf who wasn’t there. I couldn’t find her until we were leaving where I found her and her mom in the corner of a wall and a door. I thought they were waiting for us because they couldn’t find us. Asked later and no, just waiting for her dad to leave the bathroom. My mom and dad and sister were upset at this. They were trying very hard to move past recent events and this ruined any chance. Why would they do this?
I’ve never felt special. Nothing comes easy to me. Just smart enough to be in IB but not enough to get into good colleges. Having such a meaningful relationship filled a whole in me and made me feel wanted and needed. I felt I had something no one else had . How could she do this? I’ve been ncrying wondering this all night.

I take daily notes on weight, eating habits and playfulness/mood.
I am curious if any of you have found patterns or trends to when your kitty is about to get sick and give them cerenia as a preventative measure. Or do you wait till they vomit and then administer it?
What are your kitties warning signs? Just looking for advice and to hear others experiences. Thank you!
Ps: tip for a picky pill eater I have discovered my cat will take any pill if i break into 1/2 and scoop out the inside of a Blue Buffalo Burst Treat and put it inside.

I have been posting/commenting on here for a while now. I started my Cushings journey in September of last year and I feel incredibly lucky to have found this subreddit because it helped me so much. Being able to read and speak to those who are going through/have gone through similar things has been so helpful. I know that I wouldn’t have had nearly as much courage to advocate for myself because I wouldn’t have the knowledge and warnings from this subreddit.
I apologize now for any spelling mistakes. To be honest it’s 1:34AM on a Tuesday morning. I am so tired but I can’t sleep. I am a ball of anxiety at this point due to my upcoming MRI and I cannot think about anything else. I’m writing this in part just to get my anxiety out.
To make a long story short, I discovered I had high cortisol last year in September. I decided to finally go to my primary care doctor and talk to her about my difficulties losing weight. My family has a history of thyroid issues so she tested that along with many other things. She just happened to think to test my cortisol and when it was very high, she expressed concern that it could be cushings (due to the many symptoms I’d shared with her that could be cushings) and she referred me to an endo.
I started seeing the endo and my blood cortisol has been tested many times and it’s high every time. However, my urine was normal, my midnight saliva was normal and I suppressed on dexamethasone. But still every time she orders me a cortisol blood test, it’s high. My acth is also either normal or on the verge of high.
She expressed concern that I had so many normal tests. Due to this subreddit, I asked if it could be cyclical cushings. She agreed it could be and that I do have many of the symptoms. She also couldn’t come up with another reason why my cortisol would be so high. We agreed that we didn’t want to treat the symptom but rather find the cause. So she finally agreed to order me an MRI of my abdomen. She decided that if anything, it’s more likely to be adrenal, but then my MRI was unremarkable.
I saw her again after my abdomen MRI results and we agreed we are at an impasse. I shared with her that I still think it could be cushings, because I have read many stories similar to mine where people still had it (mostly pituitary source). I also expressed that I didn’t want to take the chance of this being the case, but missing it and then just not knowing.
She agreed again with me that it was possible and at this point she didn’t have any other ideas. She also agreed that it’s better to know. She agreed to order me a brain MRI, with and without contrast, focused on the pituitary. She did tell me she was worried my insurance would not cover it due to my normal results even though I have many high blood cortisols. However, the MRI was approved by my insurance (I do think she had to do a bit of convincing). She also told me that it could always be endoscopic cushings which she isn’t sure how to go about finding/diagnosing. She mentioned to me that if nothing is found on my brain MRI, that she would suggest I get a second opinion from somewhere like UPENN since they have a whole cushings team. Of course, you first meet with their endo and then they decide if there is cause for you to see the cushings team. She was able to admit to me that if there is nothing on my brain MRI she just isn’t sure what else to do for me. She said she would of course consult her colleagues to see if they have any ideas, but if not she doesn’t have any ideas or answers for me as to why my cortisol is high. Like she said, it could very well still be cushings, just endoscopic, but she just isn’t sure how to go about even looking into that.
Honestly, I really appreciate her honesty and bluntness. She has been very caring and understanding throughout this process and I feel like she really listens to me. I also appreciate that she will admit her lack of knowledge in this area and refer me elsewhere. I had already been looking into UPENN anyway just in case since it’s never a bad idea for a second opinion and since they’re so close it makes sense. At lease since they have cushings specialists, if I go there and they tell me there is no reason to think it’s cushings-I trust that.
But for now, my brain/pituitary MRI is scheduled for tomorrow (Wednesday 5/22). I am scared they are going to find a pituitary tumor, but in many ways I’m more scared that they won’t. No one in my life understands me when I say that, and I know that I have been a lot luckier than some in my journey. But to be honest these last few years have been the toughest/worst of my entire life for so many reasons. I am so beaten down emotionally and mentally. I have just known something was wrong but I couldn’t explain it and I couldn’t prove it, but now there’s at least proof that something is going on-even if we don’t know what. I am just so sick of all the test and doctors. I am sick of feeling awful. Part of me just wants it to be over. Wants them to find something because then at least it’s confirmed-I was right. And then if I know what it is-I know what to do about it and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The worst part is having to explain to a doctor that you know something is wrong and explain how. Having to explain all these symptoms that seem random but might not be. Having to wonder if I will ever find out what is wrong and feel better, questioning my sanity. At least if they find something-that means it’s real and not just in my head. It means we can make a plan and I can work towards getting better.
I don’t know what I want more-not to have a tumor or to have a tumor. It feels wrong to hope for a tumor-to hope I can be officially confirmed and diagnosed as sick. But I am sick of my family and friends telling me that I’m worried for nothing. The last thing I want to do is have to start all over with new doctors, explain the same stuff and do all the same tests again. I cannot get multiple blood tests every week forever. I will go crazy-crazIER.
Not to mention that I’m extremely claustrophobic and MRIs are hell. I have to get my primary care doctor to prescribe me a very strong anti-anxiety pill to take beforehand so that I don’t have a panic attack. This journey has been tiring every step of the way. I don’t want to put myself through this but I will just to know what’s wrong.
TLDR MRI of abdomen was unremarkable, brain MRI is this Wednesday (tomorrow) and I am terrified because I’m claustrophobic but also that they won’t find anything and then I’ll have to start this whole process over when I go to UPENN for a second opinion.
Thanks if you read this. I am always sending the best vibes for all of you, please send some good vibes my ways. I hope I find out I am right on Wednesday so I can finally, officially, begin planning my treatment/recovery.