Panda remix is a lot of fun. I know everyone upset right now about frog exploit. Just be like me, put yourself on follow and eat chips and get carried when you see one these people doing 200 mil alone, free bronze for me buy random things I want, I agree it’s not fun but I figure we can still reap the awards. I own 5 warlock transmog sets.. I don’t even play a warlock 😂.

Where should I actually start.
Normally, I don't write lots of stuff to guys before meeting up due to personal experiences of the chemistry not matching up, but this guy was different. He hit me up on this dating site and we moved into WhatsApp, and we talked for a week a lot about deep topics. It was really fun talking to him and I think he had fun too. He invited me to his home and he even said I could stay the night if we had good chemistry. We then met at his house and upon meeting we had a really good chemistry. We cuddled a lot, we kissed a lot, we talked about such deep things (politics, economics). It lasted around 5 hours where we just cuddled and hugged each other. Then we ordered delivery for dinner and during that time I noticed he became colder (not much to talk about), and then after eating we both proceeded to cuddle again for a few moment on his sofa. Afterwards, he then looked at his phone and asked me when my last train was. I quickly noticed it was already midnight which means I don't have a train anymore. I asked him if maybe I could sleep over (and offered sleeping on the sofa because I felt a really cold aura from him at this point). He said "No" straight away. I was kind of shocked tbh. We laughed a lot during our cuddles and he complimented me a lot, I asked myself if I did something wrong. He then told me to get an Uber and he'll pay for it. We spent 10 more minutes on the sofa where it was very awkward and we spent it mostly on our phone. Then I decided to leave and we only said "Bye" to each other, no hugs, and everything. He paid for the Uber and didn't block me until now actually.
I then wrote him this: Hey, I really enjoyed our time together and felt we had a great connection. However, I was a bit confused about how the night ended. I would love to understand better what happened. Hope to hear from you. 🙂
He read it, no answer.
I'm confused. We had such a great vibe. Did I do something wrong?

Where should I actually start.
Normally, I don't write lots of stuff to guys before meeting up due to personal experiences of the chemistry not matching up, but this guy was different. He hit me up on this dating site and we moved into WhatsApp, and we talked for a week a lot about deep topics. It was really fun talking to him and I think he had fun too. He invited me to his home and he even said I could stay the night if we had good chemistry. We then met at his house and upon meeting we had a really good chemistry. We cuddled a lot, we kissed a lot, we talked about such deep things (politics, economics). It lasted around 5 hours where we just cuddled and hugged each other. Then we ordered delivery for dinner and during that time I noticed he became colder (not much to talk about), and then after eating we both proceeded to cuddle again for a few moment on his sofa. Afterwards, he then looked at his phone and asked me when my last train was. I quickly noticed it was already midnight which means I don't have a train anymore. I asked him if maybe I could sleep over (and offered sleeping on the sofa because I felt a really cold aura from him at this point). He said "No" straight away. I was kind of shocked tbh. We laughed a lot during our cuddles and he complimented me a lot, I asked myself if I did something wrong. He then told me to get an Uber and he'll pay for it. We spent 10 more minutes on the sofa where it was very awkward and we spent it mostly on our phone. Then I decided to leave and we only said "Bye" to each other, no hugs, and everything. He paid for the Uber and didn't block me until now actually.
I then wrote him this: Hey, I really enjoyed our time together and felt we had a great connection. However, I was a bit confused about how the night ended. I would love to understand better what happened. Hope to hear from you. 🙂
He read it, no answer.
I'm confused. We had such a great vibe. Did I do something wrong?

So what brought me to reading about NPD is last year I met a girl who was diagnosed NPD. That’s a different story for something I’m curious about asking questions a different day though. However, I’ve been reading up a lot about it. One of the things that I have read is that almost everyone if not everyone has a healthy amount of narcissistic behavior in them and that it’s on a scale. I do believe that as I see that a lot in humans since I started reading about it. I also see some traits in myself. For instance, everyone wants attention and validation sometimes. Yes, a lot of people including myself can give it to ourselves without the need of others however it still feels nice as well especially when we get it from people we love and care about. Another instance is not a lot of people liked to be wronged. If a partner cheats on them or intentionally hurts them I don’t know many people who would tolerate that in a romantic relationship and stay with a partner who does that. Also while there is ethical non monogamous relationships a poly relationships that are becoming more common there is a huge portion of the population who chooses and wants to have monogamous relationships and don’t want their significant other flirting or being sexual with other people. Some people might see that as being controlling/insecure/possessive. Which leads me to my next point of I’m feeling like most love is conditional in the sense that I will love you and be in a relationship with you so as long as you don’t cheat on me. I will love you and be in a relationship with you so as long as you don’t put us in a financial hardship. Etc.
Maybe I’m just reading this wrong or misinterpreted a lot of what I’ve read so far. But if I am correct that even people without full on NPD can have healthy levels of narcissism like I’ve described, how can you tell the difference between healthy narcissism and full on NPD?

Where should I actually start.
Normally, I don't write lots of stuff to guys before meeting up due to personal experiences of the chemistry not matching up, but this guy was different. He hit me up on this dating site and we moved into WhatsApp, and we talked for a week a lot about deep topics. It was really fun talking to him and I think he had fun too. He invited me to his home and he even said I could stay the night if we had good chemistry. We then met at his house and upon meeting we had a really good chemistry. We cuddled a lot, we kissed a lot, we talked about such deep things (politics, economics). It lasted around 5 hours where we just cuddled and hugged each other. Then we ordered delivery for dinner and during that time I noticed he became colder (not much to talk about), and then after eating we both proceeded to cuddle again for a few moment on his sofa. Afterwards, he then looked at his phone and asked me when my last train was. I quickly noticed it was already midnight which means I don't have a train anymore. I asked him if maybe I could sleep over (and offered sleeping on the sofa because I felt a really cold aura from him at this point). He said "No" straight away. I was kind of shocked tbh. We laughed a lot during our cuddles and he complimented me a lot, I asked myself if I did something wrong. He then told me to get an Uber and he'll pay for it. We spent 10 more minutes on the sofa where it was very awkward and we spent it mostly on our phone. Then I decided to leave and we only said "Bye" to each other, no hugs, and everything. He paid for the Uber and didn't block me until now actually.
I then wrote him this: Hey, I really enjoyed our time together and felt we had a great connection. However, I was a bit confused about how the night ended. I would love to understand better what happened. Hope to hear from you. 🙂
He read it, no answer.
I'm confused. We had such a great vibe. Did I do something wrong?

Where should I actually start.
Normally, I don't write lots of stuff to guys before meeting up due to personal experiences of the chemistry not matching up, but this guy was different. He hit me up on this dating site and we moved into WhatsApp, and we talked for a week a lot about deep topics. It was really fun talking to him and I think he had fun too. He invited me to his home and he even said I could stay the night if we had good chemistry. We then met at his house and upon meeting we had a really good chemistry. We cuddled a lot, we kissed a lot, we talked about such deep things (politics, economics). It lasted around 5 hours where we just cuddled and hugged each other. Then we ordered delivery for dinner and during that time I noticed he became colder (not much to talk about), and then after eating we both proceeded to cuddle again for a few moment on his sofa. Afterwards, he then looked at his phone and asked me when my last train was. I quickly noticed it was already midnight which means I don't have a train anymore. I asked him if maybe I could sleep over (and offered sleeping on the sofa because I felt a really cold aura from him at this point). He said "No" straight away. I was kind of shocked tbh. We laughed a lot during our cuddles and he complimented me a lot, I asked myself if I did something wrong. He then told me to get an Uber and he'll pay for it. We spent 10 more minutes on the sofa where it was very awkward and we spent it mostly on our phone. Then I decided to leave and we only said "Bye" to each other, no hugs, and everything. He paid for the Uber and didn't block me until now actually.
I then wrote him this: Hey, I really enjoyed our time together and felt we had a great connection. However, I was a bit confused about how the night ended. I would love to understand better what happened. Hope to hear from you. 🙂
He read it, no answer.
I'm confused. We had such a great vibe. Did I do something wrong?

I was with my ex for nearly 2 years we come from a culture and religion where marriage is the ultimate and we don't just date for fun. The whole relationship was a whirlwind and I'm not usually a trusting person but with him he was telling me he loved me a 2 week into the relationship. Needless to say the rest we moved very fast constant dates constant soppy I love youse and I really could be myself around him, he was my first real relationship at 25 he was 24.
Within maybe 2 months I noticed he would lie about stupid silly things which really bother me because I hate it when people lie I caught him out a few times and he would cry and say he couldn't live without me and I would always end up staying,, I had a bad feeling one time and contacted his ex girlfriend who said they were still in contact now I'm not sure whether she lied about that or whether he lied. Regardless I continued to be with him as he cried and said she was lying then I found he was sending pictures of other girls to his boys group chats with really horrendous messages on what he wanted to do to them and would say it's 'boys banter' it did get toxic and became a cycle of lies crying and me being moody. He was unemployed when I met him and I worked really hard to do his applications and prepped him for interviews which resulted in him getting the job he wanted. it wasn't all bad we had some really good times too and that led us to get the families involved to get married his family didn't like me because I was from a different caste and he essentially fought to get married to me. We were so close our deposits down on venues and everything and had our wedding in 5 months. Something in my gut wasn't right and I did some digging and found something else out and before you all start on me for going looking for issues I asked him numerous times to clarify everything so I could draw a line but he just wouldn't and I kept finding things out. I met him 2 days before dooms day and we talked about our honeymoon our wedding and I told him about some health issues I was having and under the care of neurology. He told me he loved me and would never leave me. 2 nights after we argued and I deleted him but this time was different he didn't contact me or anything the next day I contacted him and he was a different person blunt rude and dismissive I asked him to meet me so we could talk in person he came and was just different I was crying whilst he smirked and told me he needed space because it was all too toxic. That same night he messaged other women he met someone 3 weeks after me and told her he loved her within 2 weeks she was his auntys neighbour and his sister in laws friend who were suprise suprise from the same caste. 2 years on and they tied the knot I'm still not over it and people are sick of listening to me crying about it I'm sick of myself doing that all I've done this past 2 years is cry and miss him every day I'm at a point where I don't even want to be here anymore so I can avoid feeling like this. Not to mention I gained weight in the relationship and after due to emotional eating I haven't dates since I've been to therapy numerous holidays nothing works. I have adhd and awaiting medication for that but I feel like I'll never get over it whilst they got married and moved into their new house living their happily ever after

I was with my ex for nearly 2 years we come from a culture and religion where marriage is the ultimate and we don't just date for fun. The whole relationship was a whirlwind and I'm not usually a trusting person but with him he was telling me he loved me a 2 week into the relationship. Needless to say the rest we moved very fast constant dates constant soppy I love youse and I really could be myself around him, he was my first real relationship at 25 he was 24.
Within maybe 2 months I noticed he would lie about stupid silly things which really bother me because I hate it when people lie I caught him out a few times and he would cry and say he couldn't live without me and I would always end up staying,, I had a bad feeling one time and contacted his ex girlfriend who said they were still in contact now I'm not sure whether she lied about that or whether he lied. Regardless I continued to be with him as he cried and said she was lying then I found he was sending pictures of other girls to his boys group chats with really horrendous messages on what he wanted to do to them and would say it's 'boys banter' it did get toxic and became a cycle of lies crying and me being moody. He was unemployed when I met him and I worked really hard to do his applications and prepped him for interviews which resulted in him getting the job he wanted. it wasn't all bad we had some really good times too and that led us to get the families involved to get married his family didn't like me because I was from a different caste and he essentially fought to get married to me. We were so close our deposits down on venues and everything and had our wedding in 5 months. Something in my gut wasn't right and I did some digging and found something else out and before you all start on me for going looking for issues I asked him numerous times to clarify everything so I could draw a line but he just wouldn't and I kept finding things out. I met him 2 days before dooms day and we talked about our honeymoon our wedding and I told him about some health issues I was having and under the care of neurology. He told me he loved me and would never leave me. 2 nights after we argued and I deleted him but this time was different he didn't contact me or anything the next day I contacted him and he was a different person blunt rude and dismissive I asked him to meet me so we could talk in person he came and was just different I was crying whilst he smirked and told me he needed space because it was all too toxic. That same night he messaged other women he met someone 3 weeks after me and told her he loved her within 2 weeks she was his auntys neighbour and his sister in laws friend who were suprise suprise from the same caste. 2 years on and they tied the knot I'm still not over it and people are sick of listening to me crying about it I'm sick of myself doing that all I've done this past 2 years is cry and miss him every day I'm at a point where I don't even want to be here anymore so I can avoid feeling like this. Not to mention I gained weight in the relationship and after due to emotional eating I haven't dates since I've been to therapy numerous holidays nothing works. I have adhd and awaiting medication for that but I feel like I'll never get over it whilst they got married and moved into their new house living their happily ever after

Me and my current boyfriend met the first week of college this past year. After about a month and a half he asked me out and I said yes. I’m not going to lie a big part of me saying yes was we had the same friend group and I wanted my freshman year so be full of friends. He’s never really been my type per se, we don’t have much in common. As these 8 months dating have gone by it’s been high highs and low lows. Either I love him so much or he’s on my nerves. He recently went back home for the summer and the long distance is making our connection worse. I never thought we had that deep of a connection (we would have minimal deep conversations and rarely openly communicate about tough subjects). And i know it’s shitty to do but comparing him to my last, it just doesn’t feel authentic. I really wanted it to be him and I do care for him so much, but I don’t see myself happy in this relationship in the future, I just know there’s someone out there that i’m more compatible with. I keep going back in forth knowing ending things would do good in the long run, but i don’t want to make the mistake of maybe regretting it and losing that friend group I spent the last school year with. Me and my boyfriend would hardly have actual sex and when we were intimate it was always me getting left unpleased. I am so lost in this situation, I feel utterly horrible and I know if i breakup with him it would kill him. He puts me on a pedestal (given i’m the first guy he’s ever been with) and i hate the pressure of being his “loml”. I feel like i lost myself a bit at college anyway and need to focus on myself and my mental health. I feel like I need to experience that journey myself. Any advice? Any tips? Similar situationsV

just looking for other ppls perspectives maybe support idk idk what to do
~rant/vent~
🔍I had pretyped this just ranting then I realized i can post it anonymously here bc i’m really struggling and would like some outside advice human to human feels like i’m gaslighting myself lol. They have supported me and given me everything I need materialistically and do what they are supposed to as parents in that aspect I am very grateful and appreciative of that. in no way shape or form will I ever complain ab them giving me food, shelter, clothes etc. I’m not seeking to be coddled or get sympathy either i just need to know if it really is that bad or am I tripping.
🔬emotionally manipulative & guilt tripping parents will be their own demise. lol. finally dropping that mask you have with them, making them look at themselves and see the torment i had to mentally internalize & take on over the years > sitting back & letting them continue their behavior and control to keep destroying your identity & self continuing to deal with immense shame, guilt, sadness, and anger because you know how they are and you think theres no point in opening up to them or telling them what they do wrong bc they always do the same shit & continue to blame you for everything. note this though when I finally released all my years of internalized emotions on them and started texting them very knowledgeable shit about themselves, how they treated me, my mom trying to control and ruin me and my girlfriends relationship when we first got together (+ we have continued to be together for 1yr and 3 months still going strong she ain’t ruin shiiiit) & shit talked my gf for no reason at all. When I started texting paragraph after paragraph (+ texting them back and forth.) I was met with my mom thinking something isn’t right regarding my mental health and telling my dad and brother she thinks something is wrong with me again (she was surprised how I could speak so knowledgeable bc I barely even interact with them anymore) them texting my phone asking if everything is okay and they are worried ab me (she’s also made many comments before this situation like “you seem like you need to get back on ur medication you’re being irritable” etc when clearly that was the correct response to some fucked up comment she made i’m sick of that shit.) (sorry that was lowkey irrelevant but holy shit). them throwing what they do for me as PARENTS in my face, blame shifting, manipulation, lying, her saying she has no acknowledgment of ever treating me like that over the years, trying to ruin our relationship, or saying any of the vile shit she said about my gf. OH and how she thought It couldn’t possibly be me that’s writing these exceptional level paragraphs and she thought my gf was controlling me and making me send all of that to my parents(me texting her ab this shit went on for like 3 days, 3 days of her not taking accountability for anything, lying, trying to manipulate by making me feel bad as well and she had the nerve to say “it feels like i’m being abused” GIRLLL STOPPP HUH im still confused ab that one) it’s honestly sickening and baffling knowing ppl can think & say shit like that. i’ve been so detached from them since I was little (never knew why at the time) but THIS makes that detachment 100x worse and I feel like that’s a GOOD thing for me even though the outcome wasn’t what I wanted, bc i’m feeling free, released, not pint-up, etc most importantly more like I can finally be MYSELF!!! i’m way more comfortable in who I am and my Identity now at 19 could you imagine that like damn (just hoping it’s not temporary)!!! just putting this out there in hopes that someone else going through the same thing or similar will see and maybe help them a little. now i just gotta move out.
⚛️ she can’t see how what she says to people effects them drastically and takes 0 responsibility and acknowledgement of doing so and passes it off as “you don’t know me” “i’m a good person” “i have a good heart i love everybody” etc or blame everything on me for examples “we do everything for you” “you’re going to treat us like that when we sacrificed so much for you” etc um .. yeah they signed up for that when they decided to have a child so it’s fucked up to throw that in my face. THEN she loves to do this the most playing the victim card “you’re abusing me” “it feels like you are abusing me” “we feel like we can’t say anything right we are always walking on eggshells around you it’s exhausting” she knows damn well I’m not abusing her in any way shape or form that’s disrespectful to many people who actually had to go through and endure actual abuse. “do you want to hurt us? is that your goal” “you’re destroying the family” “you’re destroying our marriage” etc literally used to be all the timmmme when i was going through sh and stuff too. i didn’t do anything wronggggg all I did was speak up for myself FOR ONCE (bc it’s been YEARS) ab the shit she does and how i’m not okay with it i internalize literally everything (that’s y it took years. just sick of their shit idk what to do). low and behold after all that expressing I get met with all that blame shifting and lying. the reason why i never open up to her is bc when I do ever since i was little she always blamed me and made it seem like this whole other thing so hell yeah i’d rather internalize then talk to her that’s a way better option than getting met with guilt tripping and shit what else could I do but internalize n doing that fucked my head up BAD. there are MANY more examples of what else she would say and my dad too but i really think he’s brainwashed by her so idk that’s just off the top of my head .. lmao. she makes me feel so insaneee i even feel like i’m exaggerating and making a big deal n being too sensitive writing all this😵‍💫. there’s SO MUCH more context but fuck all that i typed enough. thx for coming to my ted talk🕷️.
🤢they are both closeted RACIST and openly HOMOPHOBIC so you can imagine what they say/have said to me and about other ppl. shit makes me so AHHH. anyways.

My first best friend, who I'll call Melissa, and I met in kindergarten and were both 5 at the time. We both looked and smiled at each other. That was the day we became friends and it was the most happiest day of my childhood. I sat next to her and we were hanging out with each other every day.
We would do so many things at school with each other. We would sit on the carpet to play with the items the teacher put out for the class each morning. We would always do fun activities in the gym. We would sit at lunch, laugh about funny things we told each other, and hang out at recess every day. My favorite moment was when we were on the swings to see who would go the highest and just look at each other and smile. We did go to other parts of the playground but the swings was our favorite.
When we weren't in a classroom together with our teachers due to them having a different assigned classroom, we would still hang out in lunch and in recess because they released everyone at a certain time by grade level. For example, if we were in 1st grade and students were in a different classroom, the 1st graders would all be released at the same time while the other students in different grades remained in the same classroom. So even if Melissa and I were in different classrooms, we would always meet up and have a great time.
In 3rd grade, I found this girl who I'll call Leah. Leah and I would do pretty fun things together since we were in the same classroom and were hanging out with each other, but I'd still go and hang out with Melissa sometimes. I introduced Melissa to Leah and we basically became a friend group, or at least I thought it was a friend group.
During this time I was constantly having to pick sides with some of our things we were making up as kids. First, it was who I was to sit with at lunch. (Sometimes I wasn't lucky enough to sit with either of them because of a rule where we had to sit in a boy-girl pattern to apparently make everyone quieter during lunch time.) Then it was with some group or clan we made up during recess, Melissa was in "unicorn squad" and Leah was in "girl squad" (I made up the name of girl squad.) I would try to bring them both together but Melissa's friends and Leah's friends didn't get along too well. I had no other best friends besides the both of them and it kinda broke my heart to see them not get along as well as I was with them. Then on a very traumatic day in fourth grade that I still regret for the rest of my life, Melissa and Leah both came up to me and said "You have to pick one best friend." I said I wanted them both to be my best friends but Leah kept pushing that I only pick one. Then we made up a stupid contest to see who would win (my idea) and I was a little tired of it and made Leah win. I have never seen such a sad look on Melissa's face when we were about to leave for home. I ran after her and apologized, I tried to comfort her and I think it worked since we stopped the argument.
Later on in the year of 4th grade, Melissa and Leah had some new friends they were hanging out with. I was fine with it at first, but seeing as their friends were experiencing many joyful moments with my best friends without me, I grew hatred towards their friends. I became jealous of what they were doing. I tried everything as a 9 year old girl could possibly do to keep the relationship going between me and my best friends. I still sat with both of them at lunch and joined them in recess. When they were busy hanging out with their friends, I was left alone, wandering around the playground, doing the things my best friends and I used to do but alone this time. It became depressing just thinking about memories of me and my friends playing together in the past and having fun. Now I had to have fun but alone as I watch my best friends have fun with theirs instead of me. I became even more depressed and angry seeing other random friendships because they were having fun and not me. I felt so alone, hurt, betrayed, so much emotion. This grew into more extreme hate towards the friends of my best friends.
In 5th grade, I did everything I could to have fun with them, but for some reason, something felt off. We hung out less. We didn't sit at lunch every day. Then I found out something shocking. Leah was hanging out with other girls who would give her lunch money, (I gave her lunch money for quite a long time now so we would get snacks with my money I gave her) and was making videos with these girls. I then hated the girls because apparently in my mind, they were controlling and possessing my friend. They stole her away from me. Leah and I still hung out and I considered her my friend because I didn't understand the concept of being used for money. Leah would always invite me to make videos but I wasn't comfortable. I realized how much of a fake friend she was but I still gave her a chance to change but never happened. I went to hang out with Melissa more after this but this felt a bit off too. She was hanging out with this one girl a lot. She seems pretty happy to be with her instead of me more. Melissa was into anime and I wasn't, so that drifted us apart but I didn't see it. I wasn't really into any of my best friend's interests because I was still depressed and full of rage against these girls. I grew to hate everyone and everything and I only wanted to be with Melissa.
It was near the end of the year when I went to go with Melissa in the playground where we always used to go, the swings. She constantly kept moving away, switching swings of just walking away from me. This hurt a lot coming from a close friend like her. I went to hang out with Leah because I still had no friends besides the two of them. Leah as well, left me behind and I was there alone again. All this just fueled my anger against everything. I hated other people, I hated activities, I hated everything, including myself. I thought this was weird since I didn't express my hate that badly towards these other girls, although I did want them to through horrible and horrendous things because in my mind, they were stealing my friends. They took away the people who made me happy. I was getting worse from my mental health because I wanted nothing but my happiness and my best friends back. I had a few thoughts of kidnapping my best friends so they could be with me forever. I would be happy and experience all the happy moments we would share together again. It was pointless anyway because I was just a 10 year old and couldn't do anything.
During these final months before everyone was all homeschooled for a year, I noticed whenever I tried to be with Melissa, she moved away from me again. I tried many times to catch up with her but she continued moving away. I thought absolutely nothing of it because of a funny joke by the teachers saying we hung out too much and we should be separated. I found it funny because at the time, our friendship was strong and I thought nothing would ever separate us from having fun. So I just thought about it as if she was playing around with that joke. I gave up catching up after Melissa because I was tired and I thought she was playing the joke on me. It turns out, I overheard something she said and she said I was too clingy. I didn't know what it meant and I thought she said a funny word and thought nothing of it. Later on she asked me for a break. I said that it was fine and I thought she meant a break for one day (I thought breaks were meant to be short at the time) and we left each other alone.
It came a few days later where she said she didn't want to be my friend anymore. I then went to hang out with Leah, who I didn't hang out with for a long while, said she also didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I was broken by their words but I just thought it was all a joke to me, because I thought it was dumb to unfriend someone for hanging out with them every day.
Fast forward to 6th grade where we were homeschooled for a year, I was full of hope that I was going to be friends with Melissa again after a long time. Then came 7th grade where I was 12 and I continued to sit with her at lunch again, but this time I felt nothing. There were no fun conversations like we usually had back in elementary. I just felt like I wasn't meant to be there. I still felt the same loneliness, rage, and sadness back like I was in 5th grade. That's when I finally realized I was no longer her friend, and I had so much hate in myself for taking a year to realize I had been blind to all of this. I never felt so much sadness like that in my life. The two friends I had left me, I was really depressed by this reason, and now I constantly question myself wondering what I did wrong. I still grovel over them both. It's been a few years now. Did I do something wrong?

I experienced my first inventory. Been an employee for 3 weeks. I drove an hour away to a different store to do it—and was told by MY store manager that no matter what, the shift goes until 3am. Ok great!
Well 2:20 rolls around and a manager of the store I’m at approaches me and says some things that give me the impression there’s a LOT more work to do.
I asked the girl working next to me if some people have to stay past 3. She says yes. Alarms are going off in my head now. 3am had been my salvation!! I also live over an hour away from that store. So I had a long drive ahead of me.
2:51 now: I get put on another “team” doing a different task because we finished ours. So I walk up to a lead in that area. And tell them I’m leaving very soon but ready to help with literally anything for my last 10 minutes.
She rolled her eyes and laughed in my face before making me just F off basically. So I scanned a few more small fixtures and kept working.
2:59am: I make my way up to the little makeshift headquarters where a lot of the managers are hanging out. I inform them that I was told my shift ends at 3. They all looked at each other and made a face like, “are you fcking kidding”. Some exasperated noises.
They said “umm…well…ok..I GUESS that’s fine.” Like I wasn’t asking. Lol. I was telling you guys I’m done working my shift so you can let me out of the building. Then one of them says, “What store are you from?!” Like she wants to tattle on me to my manager for wanting to leave??? That’s what it seemed like at least.
It was a very strange experience. I was under the impression that everyone would be done by 3. Wasn’t sure how it worked. But that’s what I was lead to believe and what I came prepared for. The negative reaction when actually trying to leave was unexpected.
Seems like there is a disconnect there somewhere. Don’t tell employees their shift ends at a set time, then get pissy when they leave at that time!!
One guy literally made fun of an employee for leaving. Poor fella has to work tomorrow afternoon and he was getting shit on for not staying to do inventory past 3 am.
If I was told that the shift could possibly go later, I would have been mentally prepared for that.
I guess I’m just sharing my experience and wondering what everyone’s thoughts are.
—— TLDR: I helped another store with inventory and they got frustrated when I told them I was only scheduled until 3am so I had to leave at 3am.

For context i got in trouble at work for 2 conflicting things. First i was told i talk to much about my personal life and it makes my coworkers uncomfortable. And i was super confused because i dont talk to my coworkers. But then like, 3 days later my boss had another conversation with me and said im a negative person and not a team player cuz i don't talk to my coworkers and i "look miserable all the time" and was asked if i even wanted to work there. And this isnt the first time i was told i look sad or miserable all the time. Im not though. It's literally just my face. Some people have resting bitch face; i have resting sad face. I can't help it. If you talk to me you'll see im not sad or anything. Im a generally positive person and i try to be kind and helpful to everyone and customers love me. I've been told by several customers that im their favorite person there. My customer review scores are positive. Even customers that are "problem customers" that everyone hates dealing with like me. And i go out of my way constantly to help my coworkers whenever i have time. So to be told im not a team player pisses me off so badly when its completely not true and only even thought because my face just looks sad. Wtf am i supposed to do? Cuz i tried just keeping a smile/positive expression on my face constantly but then people were saying i look fake and its disturbing/off putting to them.

I grew up in a small town in Florida. I remember close to nothing about my childhood and honestly, I feel like my brain started producing memories near the 10th grade (I'm 19 and graduated now). I've been in a handful of relationships (2 long distance, 1 not) and each time I feel like I've pressured myself into saying "I love you" in pursuit of chasing some Disney channel love story fantasy. I don't really know what it means to truly love someone if I'm being honest. We usually say those words to our parents to show endearment, but I don't, or at least haven't for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it means to love someone. My family is very small (Mother, Grandmother, Sister) All of my other family members either passed or just really aren't in the picture. My grandmother isn't all there mentally anymore and my sister lives across the country and she's high 98% of the time. So its really just me and my mother here. My mother isn't a person you talk to about things. The typical responses are "suck it up" "be a man" "boo hoo" or any other way to belittle what I feel or what I say. She's been like that since I was a kid. So I don't really have any connections or people to talk to since I've graduated last year. I've been stuck in this house for upwards of 5 months now, I've been filling out job applications like crazy and luckily I have a job orientation later this week. At my previous job, I met this girl. Long story short, she ended up confessing to me on her way out after her shift. When I was younger, I grew up "ugly" it wasn't until 11-12 grade when I got my growth spurt and became who I am now and it took until the end of my senior year to learn how to dress, so at school I wasn't getting any play, only after highschool was I talking to women. That was the first time a woman had confessed to me like that. I knew I was able to be found attractive and to be liked, but never loved. Eventually down the line she had said she loved me, and of course I said it back, but I didn't mean it. After she had said that, the only thing I could think is "why me?" "Why some kid from nowhere Florida". I don't even have a license, my mother was driving me to work, and this woman says she loves me? Really? I had became absorbed in thoughts of not being enough, of not being worth it. Love is one of the strongest words we hold as people, and she used it on me. I can't comprehend that. It was all I could think. I'd ask her why she loves me and she'd say "I don't know, I just feel it" and sometimes I'd say "I don't know why you love me so much" and she'd say "You dont need to know" which in retrospect, maybe she actually did love me, but why? Eventually I started telling myself that she was just lying to me for some external reason, and combined with the shitty dating world we live in-in 2024 it was very easy to convince myself of that. Eventually I ended things. Explaining to her that I don't know what it means to love someone and that I have to work on myself. I just. I don't know. I'm tired.

The Context:

/Barcelona is the main sub for the second largest city in Spain and the capital of Catalonia. Long a tourist hotspot, much of the local economy is driven by tourism.
OOP posts a picture of graffiti in a park with the message: “Tourist: your luxury trip my daily misery.” [sic]
Users begin debating if this is a fair take, the effect of tourism on the city, and vomiting memes.
For ease of readability to a majority English-speaking audience, I’ve translated some comments from Catalan, poorly.

The Drama:

Is the graffiti expressing a selfish sentiment?

What a selfish, shitty thing to say to someone trying to live their best lives and share a bit of the magic you enjoy everyday.

Love this comment! Not all tourists are bad.

Tourism is unsustainable.

So we should all just stick to the respective cities we’re born in? What a lovely, thriving, multi-cultural society that’ll end up in /s

Not all the cities have the same problems. Responsible tourism is a thing

[Continued:]

Then why don't you vote for politicians that want to improve the situation?
Tourism tax, restrictions on how many people can visit a park/attraction per day, etc pp.
Instead you get nonstop whining on reddit. Or shared bicycles that can only be rented by Barcelona residents. Wow, good job! The tourism tax is at only 4-5€ per night in Barcelona. Compare that to Berlin where it's a whopping 7% soon (which is usually way higher than 5€).

Who did tell you who I vote for or what I do? [If you want we can talk face to face when you want clown]

Oh no, we got a badass over here. [I didn't say anything like that, of course you tourists are the problem if your head lacks intelligence...]

[It's very good to learn Catalan (good luck with what you have left to reach a decent level, I'm really telling you this with love) but don't put words in other people's mouths without knowing. There are many of us here who are fed up with the borderline situation that the city is living in and if you are a privileged person who doesn't get the slightest bit, I would at least ask you to have the decency to keep quiet when it's time to keep quiet]

[…]

No. We should stop travelling at the expense of the plane, the cities and the people's suffering. And locals should resist what makes their lives more difficult. In this case, a tourist model that hikes rents, contaminates and destroys the social fabric of the community displacing people and creating precarious jobs that provide no stability or value. Barcelona can be a great and fun place if you are staying here for a week, or if you are a remote worker that gets paid by a large firm with headquarters in Amsterdam. But that fun can be, and is, disastrous for other people. That search for sun and beach, of parties and stories uploaded to social media causes many problems for others. That's a fact. Non-sustainable tourism is what it is. Tourists and expats (high earning migrants) can be, individually, very nice and conscious folks. But the dynamics they are participating in are the cause of many problems for the city and its inhabitants.
[It's the market, friend.]

[…]

The problem isn't the singular tourist. The problem is suffocating hordes of tourists that treat your home like an amusement park or museum.
Tourism can be a real economic win for a city, but it also has externalities that can kill the very thing that made it special if not kept in check. Barcelona is a great example of this.
I say this both as someone who loves to travel and who lives in a tourist hotspot.

I mean, there is not too much you can do about it besides a ridiculous tax, and that would be a little hypocritical if you love to travel, because traveling should be accessible to the majority of people.
It makes sense to me if you defend the free market, and you put the price on your city or whatever you want to do like a libertarian, but again,it is hypocritical when we see that the political party that won the elections do not like the free market or libertarian politics.
You can't have all.

Woooosh!
That's the sound of everything going over your head

Lmao, it is the definition of being a logical thinker and not being a hypocrite.

Oh sorry, it went so over your head, that you didn't even hear the whoosh.
You're talking politics when I was talking social and economic. So, not much of a logical thinker.
But it doesn't surprise me that Barcelona would vote that way. It's called the resource curse, and by now tourism will have all but killed all other industries. So yeah, they have no choice now. Which is exactly what I was talking about in my second paragraph.

Who are the users of the sub anyway?

Because 90% of the people answering are expats. They don't fucking care about locals, they mostly despise or ignore them. Most of them live in their own English ghettos, not even bothering about anything else that themselves.

Biggest load of horseshit I’ve read all day.
You live in fantasy land and it’s really, really sad to see. I hope you open your eyes one day.

[How is your Catalan?]

[my Catalan is good. not that it matters]
Nobody “despises” Catalans. Every single person I know that has moved here is desperate to get involved with local culture, history and activities. They try their hardest to learn the language. They try their hardest to make more catalan friends.
Classic Reddit perpetual victim.

Is Barcelona dying?

Barcelona is dying. Soon it will be an empty city, a shiny shell of what had once been alive and authentic. The locals can't face the rent prices, the gentrified shops and bars, we are forced to leave our neighborhoods and give up decent housing.

Looking at rent availability and prices - it is very far from dying.

Are you looking at the prices as a foreigner or as a local? Because wages in Spain for most of us are quite poor, so yes, it's really difficult to find decent housing with those prices

And yet people don't do anything like moving away meaning situation is still not that bad.
When things like that happened in my country - a lot of people emigrated for better work and things normalised at home too.
Economy has a way of fixing itself. No workers to serve tourists - higher wages or fewer tourists.

It will only be expats and tourists here and the 10% rich Catalans in the end. Look at the most common local salary from locals in the city.

You're so close to understanding the root of the issue. Yet so far...

Yeah, it's all the fault of the 10% of evil Catalans. OK. Nobody else is responsable or can do anything.

[Continued:]

Think a little bit harder. You can do it.

[You're enlightening, kid.]

I give you the answer because you're obviously struggling. It's the wages. Your salary is shit, and there's no excuse for that because you live in a rich region, of a rich country, part of a rich continent.
And once again, one of the greatest success of those profiteering is to turn people like you into the useful idiots by pointing the finger to people from your own social class: in this case, the Ryanair flying middle to low income tourists (yeah, far from luxury holidays), who are the majority of the people visiting this city. And with whom you have much more in common than you realize.
While prices have increased, as it did everywhere around the globe, Barcelona remains a cheap city. And that's exactly the reason why it is such a popular destination across the spectrum of tourists, and especially with low income ones.
So, if you really want to change something, start asking yourself why wages are so low in such a rich region. And at an individual level, negotiate (like I did) an income worth your efforts. And if it's still not enough, keep in mind that 80% of the properties are owned by locals.

You don't know shit about how I fight, or any people like me for a more fair society. Probably way more than you. But this post is about overtourism and touristification. I can care about multiple things and fight multiple fights.

Then this conversation is over, you don't have the intellectual bandwidth to understand something as simple as how low wages are linked to the problem you blame "the tourists" for. Also, if me, an immigrant from a poor Caribbean country, is able to live significantly better than you in a place where I arrived few years ago without speaking the language, ask yourself the right questions about your fighting abilities, and probably your life choices.

[Continued:]

Lol you know shit about who I am, my life choices, or the money I earn. Your comment is funny.
I'm a socialist. I care about my family and friends, about people who had less oportunities than me. I despise people who only think about themselves, or fight only for themselves. The last part of your comment says a lot about you. Bye.

Sure, keep telling yourself that you're a socialist while defending a xenophobic agenda benefiting the ruling class. Like I said, useful idiots like you are what's keeping the system on its feet. Great work 👍

A user is crowned king:

When your own city becomes overcrowded all the time and you can’t afford to live in the center because it’s so expensive due to tourist/expats money inflating the market, it doesn’t matter how much money “the city” makes from tourism, your individual life is affected very negatively and you live worst off than with less tourism. I’m not even a local, but this is not hard to understand.

can’t really blame tourists for systemic issues

Erm, says who, you, the king?
If local wages are lower than abroad (not ideal but would be ok in its own, it’s still better than my own country) but due to how attractive the weather and culture is, people from other countries with much higher wages flock here and destroy the market, either by paying much higher (making it impossible for locals) or buying properties to rent (know many who do this, buy something, live in it 3 months of the year, and rent to other expats the rest of the year) - who’s fault is? The locals? lol

then fight for wages, not tourists.

This is why the locals hate you lol

[Continued:]

This is why I don't care bro.
[Photo of a beach]

What are you trying to prove? I’m not even a local, I just have more than a brain cell and understand why the locals blame the tourists, which is what was being discussed.

Nothing mate, I just really don't care who hates me. That is my day everyday at 11 am.

You care enough to have made now 3 comments that are totally irrelevant to what was being discussed.
“I don’t care. I swear. I promise! Let me show you that I don’t care. I really don’t care I swear”.

[…]

People working in tourism related jobs mostly work part-time, have no indefinido contracts and earn minimum wage. You can google that.
Some people are getting rich by tourism, most people are just surviving in it.
But of course 'expats' and tourists who represent most of the sub members and not local or immigrant workers are going to upvote your out of touch comment.

Some of these people need it to survive though

Not the Airbnb owners obviously

I have an Airbnb and I need it to survive.

Get a job.

What is misery?

Misery is that your old neighborhood is full of souvenir shops and none of your friends even live there anymore.

Shut the fuck up, Spain has one of the highest living standards in the world. You’re mad because other people want to visit and have a bit of it in their shitty lives? Spain has it so damn good, the thing youre complaining about is literally a problem around the entire developed world and isn’t necessarily any worse or unique to Barcelona. Stop being so damn dramatic and accept that your ‘misery’ is just you disliking seeing foreigners happy.

If you can afford spending hundreds of euros in partying and Airbnbs, why is their life so shitty? Leave your jobs and come work here as a server, try to rent anything with the minimum salary. Barcelona can be a paradise, but the tourist model is making it a hell for the majority.
Yeah, the market is being a problem for everyone everywhere. Now, people in Barcelona have to fight against the effects of the market in the city. As everybody should do in their home cities. A Barcelona for those who build their lives there, not for those who wish to consume and toss it.

Something tells me, me, a guiri, leaving my job and working in Barcelona makes Catalans even more mad than if I were just visiting.

And that something is in the room, here with us?
in fact if you live and work in Catalonia you are a Catalan. so this comment makes 0 sense at all.

Who’s to blame anyway?

Classic losers playing the victim card. Without tourism beautiful Barcelona's economy would be destroyed. But please keep blaming your shortcomings on others.

Barcelona was beautiful before tourism.

If you live in Barcelona, enjoy it. It is and will always be beautiful, and if you truly believe otherwise you are wasting the time you have in one of the world’s greatest cities. Times are tough, yes, but remember that people are also having tough times in the middle of nowhere, without any cultural outlets or ability to find likeminded people. Real estate greed is running rampant the world over, and hopefully it will not last.
Be a part of the solution, never travel again please. Just spend the rest of your life in Barcelona like a hermit. Otherwise you're a fucking hypocrite.

Hypocrite is thinking that tourism is good for the locals.

Ok great. Then be a part of the solution and never travel again. It hurts the locals. Been to London? Been to Berlin? Been to Italy? Greece? Cairo? Are you going to stop travelling and seeing the world? Everyone here knows perfectly well that you won't. It's just childish whining

The Flairs:

• “But I don't eat and vomit memes like you…”
  
• “Stop getting your news from memes”
  
• “You don't know shit about how I fight”
  

19,f never went out with friends. not that im not an outspoken or friendly person, got a pretty good friend circle extremely talented supportive and hardworking people. they go out all the time and dont have to constantly update their parents on slightest minute plan changes.
first time getting along with people and them instanly making plans of going out was weird but in a jealous weird and questioning. it was later i figured their parents do not ask every detail of their day, who they met, what they had, why were they 5 min late. they dont pick and drop them everywhere they have schedules. and it was after a week or hanging out that i realised, it was me living a diffent life than everyone out there. and it broke me cus that was the point i realised that in the name of protectiveness and security and ease in commutation, they just snatched my independence from me.
they provide for me and i cannot begin to thank them enough for it, pursuing a professional study and doing good at it, always supportive. but that day i sat down and got to a conclusion that if i were to upset my parents or do not do things how they want me to do, i'd lose everything. and that has happened. asked to go out with friends, note that all of my friends come from dignified background humble and kind and educated and themselves are pursuing professional studies. never asked them before so expected there wont be a problem. was in dilemma that i dont go out cuz i dont ask to go out. often picture myself as a bird in cage unaware that shes trapped unless she tries to get out. yea so access to outside without them denied. reasoned a bit on why not. they got mad and yelled and said pretty harsh things. i was in school then and it was for the teacher's birthday. we loved her dearly and she was moving out of country. i was sure they'd let me so made plans and everything cancelled last minute cried whole evening and night. that was when it started. when the bird realised she isnt in a room but a prison.
gave a couple more tries here and there. same answers. silent treatments. refused to enroll me in the course im currently pursuing initially, calling it a financial issue. and yea there were and are financial issues but hey, grasped what was going on and did everything their way. cut ties with everyone except two friends who theyve met plenty more times than others and did as they said. regular classes, not questioning them, spending time with them. enrolled and in classes after six months.
met a guy and he was good. wanted to take me on a date. i knew they wouldnt let me go. took it slow and introduced him as my friend. asked me to cut ties with him. i kinda liked him. we had good undertanding he's help me with studies and confide about his family and life in general and i thought i can date. i wanted to date him. see where it goes like every other teenager who go out on dates after classes and study and support each other. they didnt wanted me to see him or anyother guy even as a friend. deleted every guy friend of mine's contact. we still were seeing each other until i got so burnt out of the constant watch and professional studies and competitive exams also all while managing a degree. had to break ties with him for a couple while and i admittedly couldve done with proper explanation but it was a panic attack, yeah i did starting having them right after school when everything crashed down, so panic attack with all tears and snot and heavy breathing i leave him a text that i cant do this.
fast forward today. exams done. some professional practical work everyone has to take up and my father as usual would pick me up and drop me. yesterday a friend of mine suggested we buy new books and get some food after work was done which is 1:30. i thought now that im old enough, cus the last time i tried asking was 16, maybe i can go. they said yes when asked in morning. 1:45pm text comes in. where u at. when will you be back. gave a location where he'd pick me up after we're done with books things. im at metro station, shaking, holding that ticket beacuse it was all over that again. they let me go but did they? call comes in when i dont reply in 5 minutes. he asks when will i be back upto. on saying by 4, he went why books need so much time. denied that i ever mentioned lunch too. i remember saying lunch and books. couldnt argue, not used to, dont want to upset them. two of my friends waiting for the metro so we go grab lunch and spend some time for the first time in about a year since we met, and im shaking cus its so humiliating and like. this close to crying when he hung up without saying anything further and mum texts in 2 mintes asking me to come back home rn this instant. manage to apologise and run through the station, get a cab and run home in 20 min. 2:20pm. at home. i dont if im though. in my bathroom. crying shaking of embarrassment, humiliation, guilt, frustation, anger. and hunger.
also, crossed path with the guy i was seeing. he had his guitar, he used to play for me after completing studies. killed me to pass by with just a hey and by the looks of it, he was upset about it too. everything keeps falling apart everytime i accomplish one thing.
i dont know if this is how parenting is supposed to be done because none of ppl i know have such parents and controls. so its not normal but is it abusive? i question and then go to sleep cus the obvious answer would disrupt the peace im holding on to. the good side of them keeping me sane.
if you've taken much time to read it through. thank you. i dont have anyone to share this with and im so lonely at times like this

How do you live beyond the mundane realm of life and not fall to its robotic patterns?
Do you try new things out? Do you seek advice from other people?
Let's talk about it lightly muna pero eyyy, it's good din na once in a while that we reflect on things. Haha!
Maybe we can chat over a cup of coffee, over dinner or lunch, or go on serious dates! :)
About me:
-5"6, normal bmi, from Taytay, Rizal
-loves a good cup of coffee, paired with pastries and a good conversation!
-always on the saddle but also rides the motorcycle for leisure
-Cancer / digital marketing professional (wfh forevs hahaha)
-into music, movies, arts, adventures, memes, anim0ls, sports, photography, philo
-always the chill type. Kaladkarin. Laidback.
About you:
-normal to average bmi, maybe someone from the East lang din or city nearby

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（i really used GPT to translate for me , thank GPT！）

~rant/vent~
🔍I had pretyped this just ranting then I realized i can post it anonymously here bc i’m really struggling and would like some outside advice human to human feels like i’m gaslighting myself lol. They have supported me and given me everything I need materialistically and do what they are supposed to as parents in that aspect I am very grateful and appreciative of that. in no way shape or form will I ever complain ab them giving me food, shelter, clothes etc. I’m not seeking to be coddled or get sympathy either i just need to know if it really is that bad or am I tripping.
🔬emotionally manipulative & guilt tripping parents will be their own demise. lol. finally dropping that mask you have with them, making them look at themselves and see the torment i had to mentally internalize & take on over the years > sitting back & letting them continue their behavior and control to keep destroying your identity & self continuing to deal with immense shame, guilt, sadness, and anger because you know how they are and you think theres no point in opening up to them or telling them what they do wrong bc they always do the same shit & continue to blame you for everything. note this though when I finally released all my years of internalized emotions on them and started texting them very knowledgeable shit about themselves, how they treated me, my mom trying to control and ruin me and my girlfriends relationship when we first got together (+ we have continued to be together for 1yr and 3 months still going strong she ain’t ruin shiiiit) & shit talked my gf for no reason at all. When I started texting paragraph after paragraph (+ texting them back and forth.) I was met with my mom thinking something isn’t right regarding my mental health and telling my dad and brother she thinks something is wrong with me again (she was surprised how I could speak so knowledgeable bc I barely even interact with them anymore) them texting my phone asking if everything is okay and they are worried ab me (she’s also made many comments before this situation like “you seem like you need to get back on ur medication you’re being irritable” etc when clearly that was the correct response to some fucked up comment she made i’m sick of that shit.) (sorry that was lowkey irrelevant but holy shit). them throwing what they do for me as PARENTS in my face, blame shifting, manipulation, lying, her saying she has no acknowledgment of ever treating me like that over the years, trying to ruin our relationship, or saying any of the vile shit she said about my gf. OH and how she thought It couldn’t possibly be me that’s writing these exceptional level paragraphs and she thought my gf was controlling me and making me send all of that to my parents(me texting her ab this shit went on for like 3 days, 3 days of her not taking accountability for anything, lying, trying to manipulate by making me feel bad as well and she had the nerve to say “it feels like i’m being abused” GIRLLL STOPPP HUH im still confused ab that one) it’s honestly sickening and baffling knowing ppl can think & say shit like that. i’ve been so detached from them since I was little (never knew why at the time) but THIS makes that detachment 100x worse and I feel like that’s a GOOD thing for me even though the outcome wasn’t what I wanted, bc i’m feeling free, released, not pint-up, etc most importantly more like I can finally be MYSELF!!! i’m way more comfortable in who I am and my Identity now at 19 could you imagine that like damn (just hoping it’s not temporary)!!! just putting this out there in hopes that someone else going through the same thing or similar will see and maybe help them a little. now i just gotta move out.
⚛️ she can’t see how what she says to people effects them drastically and takes 0 responsibility and acknowledgement of doing so and passes it off as “you don’t know me” “i’m a good person” “i have a good heart i love everybody” etc or blame everything on me for examples “we do everything for you” “you’re going to treat us like that when we sacrificed so much for you” etc um .. yeah they signed up for that when they decided to have a child so it’s fucked up to throw that in my face. THEN she loves to do this the most playing the victim card “you’re abusing me” “it feels like you are abusing me” “we feel like we can’t say anything right we are always walking on eggshells around you it’s exhausting” she knows damn well I’m not abusing her in any way shape or form that’s disrespectful to many people who actually had to go through and endure actual abuse. “do you want to hurt us? is that your goal” “you’re destroying the family” “you’re destroying our marriage” etc literally used to be all the timmmme when i was going through sh and stuff too. i didn’t do anything wronggggg all I did was speak up for myself FOR ONCE (bc it’s been YEARS) ab the shit she does and how i’m not okay with it i internalize literally everything (that’s y it took years. just sick of their shit idk what to do). low and behold after all that expressing I get met with all that blame shifting and lying. the reason why i never open up to her is bc when I do ever since i was little she always blamed me and made it seem like this whole other thing so hell yeah i’d rather internalize then talk to her that’s a way better option than getting met with guilt tripping and shit what else could I do but internalize n doing that fucked my head up BAD. there are MANY more examples of what else she would say and my dad too but i really think he’s brainwashed by her so idk that’s just off the top of my head .. lmao. she makes me feel so insaneee i even feel like i’m exaggerating and making a big deal n being too sensitive writing all this😵‍💫. there’s SO MUCH more context but fuck all that i typed enough. thx for coming to my ted talk🕷️.
🤢they are both closeted RACIST and openly HOMOPHOBIC so you can imagine what they say/have said to me and about other ppl. shit makes me so AHHH. anyways.

This is the worst garbage school in Korea. I work at the Ilsan location.The owners are evil. They see foreigners as slaves to take parents' money. They won't give you days off even if you get surgery. They sent me angry messages when I got surgery about how I'm bring selfish and don't care about the school. I had to come to work with bruises and blood and taking 4 different medicines 3 times a day. They have no empathy or humanity and just see you as a tool to be used. You are held hostage. You're not allowed to leave Korea. The kids are wild animals. More than half of them have spectrum disorders and learning disabilities. No one there speaks, reads, or writes English. The kids are in their teens and don't even know their abcs. They put up fake signs about how they win teaching awards when the Korean teachers don't know English and don't teach. They sit the kids at computers and do nothing. Even the parents dont want them teaching because they are uneducated, and they're just there to take their money. They lied about my plane ticket and made me stay another year in order to go home. They make you write reports every 3 months with no time to do them, so you have to do them at home. They don't pay you well. The other Korean teachers know how much you make and get angry, so the bosses won't raise your pay. They make you lie and say good things about the kids when the kids are deplorable. The academy is a complete pathetic waste of time. They are the worst people on planet Earth. They are more evil than anyone in Seoul. The area is garbage. There are no foreigners. No one speaks English. The landlord has a psycho family that stomps on top of you all night. This place is hell. Do not come here unless you want to be treated like a garbage. They tell the kids to quit the academy. They want the kids to be lazy losers while they take all the parent's money. This is not an academy but a phishing scam so the bosses can travel and live a rich life without doing anything.

Hey, I'm a 20-year-old guy from Utah County, and no, I'm not Mormon, so dating here is always an adventure /S. I'm posting here because it feels more personal than swiping on dating apps.
I'm a confident, upbeat guy with a knack for being a smartass, but I can also have deep, meaningful conversations. If you need someone to listen, I'm your guy, but I expect the same in return. I like to stay active, often doing things that might get me in trouble or banged up, but that's half the fun. I'm into calisthenics and running—I'm fit, though not exactly bulking up like a bodybuilder.
When I'm not working out, I'm diving into video games, especially military simulations like Arma and OHD, or classic platformers like Mario and Sonic. History, particularly WW2 and the Cold War, fascinates me, and I'm even working on a Cold War-themed board game. Despite my nerdy interests, I have a sensitive side—yes, I write poems and love to flirt once I get comfortable with someone.
I'm looking for someone sweet and caring around my age, preferably in the USA. I'm liberal and an atheist, just to put it out there upfront. If we click, that's what matters most to me.
If you're interested, hit me up. We can swap Snap or Discord and take it from there.

People ruminate on the past, who’s wronged them, and the things that are absent from their lives. People imagine past events as though they are still happening now. They use who they were in the past to define their future.
The issue with defining oneself in the present from your past is that it keeps you bound to the past. This self-imposed limitation asserts that everything about your past determines how you will behave in the future. Your future hasn't been written yet. The decisions you make will continue to shape who you can be.
When you are a child of an alcoholic, you learn from a very young age the signs to look for so you aren’t in the line of fire when the next violent episode occurs. And the feared incident always happens. Consequently, you become conditioned to react to these indications.
As an adult, you see evidence that because bad things have happened in the past doesn’t mean more bad things will happen. Not every slurred speech or stumbling from another person will cause harm. Therefore, you can determine that the past doesn’t have to repeat itself.
Although this may take time to realize, it doesn’t have to. You’re shaped by your past. The good news is, you aren’t bound to it. You can move beyond the difficulties of the past and into something far better. The main reason you don’t have to repeat the past is because you can learn from it.

While we cannot predict the future, we will most surely live it. Every action and decision we take - or don't - ripples into the future. ~ Jacque Fresco

Your Mindset Determines Your Future

You often have feelings and attachments to the past. The past can be hard to let go of, and it affects you emotionally. Yet you have a choice to make, an option to choose a different outlook, a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset.
The fixed mindset is the idea that you believe your attributes and abilities are inherently fixed and can’t be changed. For example, you may think that you’re as smart as you’ll ever be and therefore, that thought process causes you not to even try to learn new things. Since you don’t believe your intelligence can grow with time and experience, then you can’t change, and your future will be the same.
A growth mindset is the exact opposite. This mindset is founded on the conviction that your basic abilities can be cultivated and are malleable. This allows one to grow with enthusiasm, time, and a commitment to improving, learning, and becoming greater than before. With a growth mindset, failures are short-term setbacks, and the process is usually more important than the outcome. So, with a growth mindset, your future is never predetermined. It’s boundless.
The fixed mindset is the most common mindset and the most harmful. So, you need to know which mindset you favor so you can learn from the past and then choose a different future. You can change your mindset just by thinking it through.

The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. ~ Mary Pickford

Reframing Your Past To Better Serve You

Your world is the one you make through your decisions. So is the one you remember from your past. Change the significance of the experiences if what you remember is difficult or negative. Examine the experiences that are preventing you from moving forward and try to see them from a more positive perspective. Reframe your rejection, to believe it was a sign from the Universe directing you to a better place. If you have ever failed at something, consider it a lesson in building resilience for a better future.

Accepting your history serves as a springboard and a means of getting ready for the future once you can no longer imagine a better ending for it. The way you identify who you have been and how you envision who you will be next, combine to form who you are today. Take care of the narratives you accept and write about yourself. Take deliberate steps to embrace the lessons learned from the past and the opportunities that lie ahead. 

These are the components of who you are right now. The gifts that make up your current existence have been your experiences. A clear vision for your life is essential, as you attract what you focus on. Your destiny is entirely within your control. Even if you can't control everything in life, you can still do great things if you accept responsibility, grow from your mistakes, and have a clear vision.

There are times in our lives when we have to realize our past is precisely what it is, and we cannot change it. But we can change the story we tell ourselves about it, and by doing that, we can change the future. ~ Eleanor Brown

Everybody Changes; So The Future Will Differ From The Past

As an adult, you have experienced enough of life to see that one constant is change. You grow, circumstances transform, people develop. All of this is observable. Therefore, if everybody changes, then the past can’t indicate the future.
Even those around you that don’t seem to have the desire to grow still change. They are based on the circumstances that occur in their life and by the choices they make. Not making a choice is still choosing, which impacts one’s life that doesn’t allow things to stay the same. Thus, despite a lack of growth, the future will differ from the past.
As you develop, how you perceive the past is altered and reframed. You learn from the past and determine ways to prevent unwanted situations. You make informed decisions and take responsibility for your choices, so that you can move forward toward the goals and dreams. Thus, validating that you are creating a better future than your past.
My aha moment came when I realized my past was holding me back because I allowed it to. I embraced both the idea that I had total autonomy to decide in the present and the reality that I couldn’t change the past, only reframe it. Then I choose to forgive anyone who had wronged me, as well as myself for my previous missteps. And you can make the same choice.

People underestimate their capacity for change. There is never a right time to do a difficult thing. ~John Porter

Making Your Future Better than Your Past

As you have seen, in order to improve your future than your past, believe that it’s possible. This may take a bit of courage to overcome your fears and move towards a growth mindset. Here are some ways to help you with this process.

1. Find Your Tribe To Create The Future You Desire

You may have to cut ties with those people in your life that keep you fixated on negativity. The girlfriend who’s always teasing you about the mistake you made years ago has no bearing on the present, except that it keeps your ego in a place of embarrassment every time she mentions it. The people who remind you of your failings or missteps are focusing on the negativity of the past. You may need to spend less time with these people.
Instead, focus on those people who are encouraging, the ones who are excited for you to try new ventures or take a class. This is your tribe, the ones who look at your best attributes and speak positively to you. They remind you of the successes you’ve had, to inspire you to keep moving forward. Make new friends in the areas that you are growing. It's helpful to have someone learning with you to discuss and problem solve together.
Releasing those people from your life that have a negative influence on you is an important step to safeguarding that your future doesn’t resemble your past. By ensuring that you have people who are positive and encouraging around, you help yourself enlarge the possibilities of a better and boundless future.

When we think we have been hurt by someone in the past, we build up defenses to protect ourselves from being hurt in the future. So the fearful past causes a fearful future and the past and future become one. ~ Gerald G. Jampolsky

2. Let Go Of The Past And Its Attachments

Fear of loss is a common concern, like the anxiety of losing your job and the grief of losing a friend. The harsh reality is that you will lose things and loved ones. It’s the natural course of life. Nonetheless, being anxious about the future or worried about the past does nothing but keep you from being fully present and working towards your goals.
The fear of loss can cause many to stay in a mode of indecision and procrastination throughout the course of their lives. People grow attached to the stuff in their lives. Things like their profession, their prominence, their income, their lifestyle, etc. To pursue a change would mean relinquishing some or these things that are now associated as part of your life. Because of this aversion to loss, many people choose to put their dreams on hold — continuously.
By becoming less attached to the things in your life, you overcome the fear of loss. This enables you to move forward towards your goals and build a better future for yourself.

Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is. Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose. ~ Yoda

3. Accepting What Is Stops The Struggling

By learning to be thankful for your current situation, one changes the focus from lack to having enough. This is important from a universal perspective. Acceptance for what is allows peace to enter your life instead of feeling you are fighting just to get by.
Part of acceptance is gratitude for everything you have, which includes any hardships, as they’re there for you to learn something. The fastest way through adversity is to ask the Universe what lesson are you to glean from the experience. Then, you have to get quiet and discern how this situation can teach you something about yourself or how you relate to the world around you.
One of the best ways to help you see all the good in your life is a gratitude journal. It’s easy to write a few items each evening that happened during your day, which you are grateful for. They can be things like the beautiful sunrise you witnessed while driving into work or your child passed their math test even though he struggled with the homework. You have things in your life to appreciate, and this is where you need to focus your attention in order to shape the vision you have for your future.

Acceptance doesn’t mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there’s got to be a way through it. ~ Michael J. Fox

4. Small Steps Towards A Better Future

Growth and development don’t happen overnight. It takes time. And you want things to happen quickly as you are impatient with yourself. But you need to be kind, give a little self-care and self-love. Pay attention to the incremental steps you take as you grow.
It took me over two years before I could meditate daily. I wanted to, but I had to overcome obstacles within myself in order to accomplish this goal. First, I set the intention to meditate daily, but I had focus issues. So, I had to work on being able to quiet my mind so that I could focus. Once I accomplished that step, I added meditation to my calendar, because if it’s on my calendar, I do it. This entire process could be frustrating, but I focused on each incremental step, not the end result. Now, I wouldn’t begin my day without first meditating.
So, whatever you are trying to accomplish, set up steps along the path so you can have minor victories along the way. This ensures you will continue to move forward even if you run into a time of struggle. Being able to see that you overcame previous difficulties encourages you to continue until you accomplish the goal.

You need to be content with small steps. That's all life is. Small steps that you take every day, so when you look back down the road, it all adds up and you know you covered some distance. ~ Katie Kacvinsky

Remember, You Are Wiser Now

It’s unnecessary for you to continue suffering just because you were taken advantage of or mistreated by others, often by those closest to you. You have the power to decide to quit mentally reliving the past. Actually, more anguish is frequently caused by your mind continuously playing back an awful experience from the past than by the actual incident.
You are no longer required to assume the victim's role. You're a survivor. And you can determine how you interpret negative experiences from your past. It’s the key to your freedom.
Unlike what some people think, you can be remorseful without always punishing yourself for past transgressions. Make the adjustments and move on. I can attest to the liberating nature of forgiveness, having extended forgiveness to my abusive mother. You don't choose to be forgiving of others in order to excuse or justify their actions. You choose to be free through forgiveness.
It's also important for you to accept responsibility for your own missteps. Since nobody is perfect. You don't have to serve a life sentence that you put on yourself in order to make up for the wrongs you did or the poor decisions you made. Treat yourself with self-compassion.
You can choose to see your past as quicksand or a launching pad. It’s up to you to make use of your experiences as a tool or allow them to be used against you.

Close the door on the past. Don’t try to forget the mistakes, but don't dwell on them. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. ~ Johnny Cash

Moving Forward Believing In A Better Future

You have the freedom to decide how much control you wish to have over your present life, regardless of what has happened in the past. Although it’s impossible to undo the past, you can reframe it and decide how to respond to it.
Belief is paramount to being able to do anything. Confidence in your abilities, conviction in your resolve to constantly move forward, and faith that all your work will make your dreams a reality. Maintaining this belief is important, which is why you need to take pride in the victories along the way.
Every disappointment that you overcame, each circumstance you seized, and the individuals that arrived along the way that you recognized were there to help you. All the success along the way helps you maintain the belief that the future is going to be better than your past, because you are creating it every day.
No matter how awful it was, your past does not indicate your future. The decisions and deeds you commit to today will ultimately shape who you become in the future. Decide to take what you've learned from the past and use it in the present to live the life that was meant for you.

Change your life today. Don’t gamble on the future, act now, without delay. ~ Simone de Beauvoir