Patriots coffee

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I had some time to kill so I decided to sit down and watch the first episode of this and write up a run down for it since the sub was collectively shitting on it the other day. You can find the full first episode for free on the Daily Wire site, so if you want to watch it over there and then discuss it here then feel free. Below are spoilers for it though.
The series starts with Birchum and his childhood best friend Gage placing bets on the first student to insult either of them on their first day back to school as teachers, only for Birchum to immediately get insulted. Gage points out how crazy it is that kids hate Birchum so much that they can’t even make it out of the parking lot without getting insulted, which I found funny because it almost serves as meta commentary for the initial reaction to the show when it was announced.
Birchum and Gage meet Mr. Karponzi, a JEDI (Justice, Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion) officer and they all take an immediate disliking towards each other because Birchum and Gage have traditionally masculine teaching methods as shop teachers. Birchum’s teaching philosophy is that wood doesn’t care about your feelings. If you hurt wood, wood will hurt you back. Wood doesn’t discriminate. Its only true enemy is the donkey system, where he acts out donkey demerit points to students if they act stupid, abuse the tools, or just simply doesn’t like the students. Every time they get a donkey point, it moves them across the board, and if they get to the end then they have to sit down at the makeshift corral.
When teaching remedial woodshop, Birchum has a student aid named Brad (who is voiced by the same VA as Johnny Test I think) and he is able to forge Birchum’s signatures and change any of the students grades at will. He says this in front of the class, which makes you question why considering the students can probably use this information against him.
Principal Bortles (voiced by Roseanne Barr) comes into the class to inform Birchum that Karponzi has banned his safety film for being problematic because it shows blood. He shows it anyways though once they leave.
Back at his house, he gets into an argument with his wife Wendi (voice by Megyn Kelly) for feeding their dog vegan food. Then he gives advice to his tomboy daughter Jeanie (voiced by Brett Cooper) to just set the microwave to 33 seconds instead of 30 seconds because it wastes time. His twenty-year old son Eddie that plays professional e-sports comes in and tells him that he can just push the 30 second button, but Birchum just calls him lazy. Birchum gets frustrated that Eddie isn’t sitting down with the rest of the family to eat and is instead just gaming in the basement. Birchum gets annoyed at Eddie for not having a girlfriend, sitting in a vibrating chair, and drinking energy drinks made in a lab in Wuhan. I don’t even really know what they’re trying to satirize with the energy drink.
Back at the school, some parents are complaining about Birchum’s shop class video because it made someone’s kid ask them questions like what decapitate means and if they can go to trade school. Karponzi decides to add getting rid of Birchum to his to do list along with decolonizing the cafeteria menu and updating Tinder with protesting pics.
Wendi and Jeanie meanwhile are trying to make houses on the market look presentable to help Wendi’s job as a realtor. Jeanie gets into a disagreement with Wendi over how everything is decorated, and ends up ruining the fireplace by scraping the white paint off of it. The b-plot ends with Jeanie handcuffing herself to the fireplace to not allow for anymore white paint to be put on it, which makes the buyers not want to buy the house, but Wendi says that she’s proud of because she stuck to her convictions. That takeaway was really weird to me. Jeanie not only vandalizes property that isn’t hers because she doesn’t like how it looks, but she also directly negatively impacts her mother’s livelihood by scaring off potential buyers. Why exactly does she deserve praise for acting like a selfish little shit? If these were leftist protesters blocking traffic or vandalizing other people’s property for their pet issues I have no doubt that any of the Daily Wire hosts would have any problem rightfully calling those people a bunch of losers, but the show just tells us that Jeanie did the right thing by acting in the exact same fashion.
While doing laundry, Birchum asks why Eddie doesn’t like doing physical sports and he just flashbacks to playing little league as a kid and Birchum freaking out after he struck out.
The main plot continues with everyone in Birchum’s class is at risk of failing, so he gives them all an opportunity to pass his class by showing up to his house to finish his deck. Karponzi records this and uses this as justification for a disciplinary tribunal, which is a sort of trial that determines if he should get fired or not. At the tribunal, Birchum defends himself by saying that he’s actually teaching kids how to apply the skills they learned in his class to actually build things and points out how teachers even asked him and his students to build things for them. Everyone in the crowd erupts in cheer after hearing Birchum’s speech and wave around American flags and play patriotic music.
In the end Birchum only gets a three day suspension from work which he treats as a vacation. The C-plot (if you can even call it that) ends with Birchum meeting some attractive woman Eddie invited over who says that he is so cool and hot because he’s a great gamer, which changes Birchum’s opinion of him slightly.
All and all it was exactly what I was expecting, a lazy Family Guy knockoff. I see a lot of people saying that’s an unfair criticism, but I didn’t even mention any of the unfunny cutaway gags throughout the summary. You have vegan wolves and bears going around complaining about not getting the right coffee and getting mauled to death as the punchline. They also have a lot of in your face political references that are just brought up randomly out of nowhere. In one scene Wendi says that a part of her job is to sell people dreams that have no basis in reality, and Jeanie responds by saying “oh so like the Green New Deal?” And there’s a forced moment of silence as if she just had a mic drop moment. It’s so lame.
The main character is annoying and unfunny. There’s no cohesive plot as it feels like a series of unrelated sketches with some random b and c plots sprinkled in. Scenes seem to start and end at random, making you question what the point even was in having them. The humor consists entirely of ‘young people amirite’ and 'checkmate libtards' which are dated, as you can see every punchline coming a mile away. The voice acting is generally pretty poor, everyone apart from the main cast sounds like they recorded it on their phone while sitting on the toilet. Character designs also look ugly, with some characters having some weird anatomies to them.
For years hosts at The Daily Wire complained about the ham-fisted content and ideological shallowness coming from Hollywood, but when they were given the opportunity to actually make something good they fall into the same trap. You are generally not going to make something good if your primary concern is pushing your ideology over making good entertainment first.
Analyzing humour and parodying others requires some level empathy and the understanding of what drives the people being satirized to make it effective and not just propaganda, which the writers of this show lack. There’s nothing nuanced about the manbun Jedi guy which just relegates him to being a one-note joke.
That's why every attempt to lambaste the left in animation just results in shows where the whole joke is just complaining about newgen trendy thing while assuming the viewer will clap because they agree with boomer takes. Yeah, I’m sure EVERY young conservative agrees with boomers on everything.
This will likely be my only post on the show unless it does something really interesting, which I doubt. It prides itself on being so raunchy and offensive while being completely safe and inoffensive. Episodes of Family Guy are more offensive than this show, and that’s made by a bunch of liberals.

ΜΟΝΤΕΝEGRO
CHAPTER I
THE CITY IN THE SKY
Why I went to the Balkans―The road to Montenegro―Cettinje and its petroleum tins―About the blood-feud―England and Montenegro―Warned not to attempt to go to Albania―My guide a marked man-The story of Tef―A woman's fickleness, and its sequel.
CHAPTER II
AN AUDIENCE OF PRINCE NICHOLAS
The Palace at Cettinje―A cigarette with the Prince―The policy of Montenegro―A confidential chat―His Royal Highness's admiration for England―His views upon Macedonia―He urges me not to attempt to go to Albania. but I persuade him to help me―His Highness's kindness―Souvenirs.
**
CHAPTER I
THE CITY IN THE SKY
Why I went to the Balkans— The road to Montenegro — Cettinje and its petroleum tins — About the blood-feud — England and Montenegro — Warned not to attempt to go to Albania — My guide a marked man — The story of Tef — A woman's fickleness, and its sequel.
I ENTERED the Balkans by the back door. The luxuries of the Orient Express had no attraction for me. I wanted to see the Balkans as they really are, those great, wild, mountainous countries, so full of race hatreds, of political bickerings, of fierce blood-feuds, of feverish propa- gandas those nations with their interesting monarchs and their many mysteries.
The "Orient" runs direct from Paris to the Balkan capitals, it is true, but if one goes to study a people the capital is not the only place in which to discover the truth. One must go into the country, move among the peasantry, hear their grievances and investigate their wrongs. Therefore I decided to enter the East by Montenegro, and also visit the wild and little-known regions of Northern Albania.
The comfortable voyage by the Austrian-Lloyd mail steamer Graf Wurmbrand from Trieste down the Adriatic, touching at Pola, the Austrian naval station, Lussinpiccolo, Zara- famed for its maraschino-Sebenico, Spalato, and Gravosa to Cattaro, has been already described by many writers. Suffice it to say that it is perhaps one of the most picturesque of pleasure-trips in the world, for every moment one has a fresh panorama of mountain and blue sea, of green, fertile islands with subtropical vegetation, and tiny white villages nestling at the sea's edge, as the steamer threads her way through the narrow and often difficult channels.
At times the wild scenery, especially in the Bocche di Cattaro, reminds the traveller of the Norwegian fiords, and at others the coast is an almost exact reproduction of the French Riviera.
The object of my journey was, however, not in order to write a mere description of men and places. There have been other travellers in the Balkans who have related their story, therefore my mission was to make careful inquiry into the present unsettled state of affairs, try and discover the grievances of both sides, and endeavour to obtain from the rulers and statesmen of the various nations their aspirations for the future. This I succeeded in doing, for the various monarchs of the Balkans graciously gave me audience; and from their Ministers, from the middle classes, and from the peasants, I was enabled at last to form some conclusion as to the real situation-political, economical, social, and financial.
The writer who attempts to place the various Balkan questions impartially and clearly before the public will at once find himself utterly confused, and wallowing wildly in a morass of misstatement and misrepresentation. The Balkans are torn by race hatreds, party strife, and the intrigues of the Powers. The Turk hates the Bulgar, the Serb hates the Austrian, the Roumanian hates the Greek, the Albanian hates the Montenegrin, the Bosnian hates the Turk, while the Macedonian hates everybody all round. What is told to one authoritatively one hour, is flatly contradicted the next; therefore it is not in the least surprising that in the European Press there have been so many misstatements about the various Balkan questions, the real truth being so very difficult to obtain.
I have, however, endeavoured to obtain it, and at risk of being injudicious, to place before the reader the facts as they are, without any political bias, or any seeking to gloss over the many glaring defects of administration of which I have myself been witness.
To describe the beauties of the Bocche di Cattaro, that series of winding channels where the high grey mountains rise sheer from the water, would be only to traverse old ground. Suffice it to say that I landed at Cattaro on a bright, sunny noon, and found upon the quay a tall, lean mountaineer who had been sent to meet me.
To the traveller fresh from the West the Montenegrin costume of both women and men is very attractive, but a few days in the Balkans soon accustoms the eye to a perfect phantasmagoria of colour and of costume. Pero was my driver's name, and I noticed that around his waist was a revolver belt, but minus the weapon. I inquired where it was, and with a grin he informed me that Cattaro, being in Dalmatia, the Austrians would not allow Montenegrins to bring arms into their country; so they were compelled to leave them on the other side of the frontier, ten kilometres distant.
My bags packed upon the three-horse travelling carriage and secured with many strings, and Pero equipped with a plentiful stock of cigarettes, he mounted upon the box, whipped up his long-tailed ponies, and we started on our eight-hour ascent of that great wall of mountain that hides Montenegro from the sea.
As we ascended through the little village of Skaljari we entered upon a magnificent road, said to be one of the greatest engineering feats of modern times, and steadily ascended, until at the striped black-and-yellow Austrian boundary post we crossed the frontier, and were in the "Land of the Black Mountain"-Montenegro. Across the road, at an acute angle, a row of paving-stones marks the frontier, and soon after- wards we found ourselves in the wildest and most desolate mountain region. At a lonely roadside hut Pero obtained his big, serviceable-looking revolver, and I, of course, wore mine in my belt; for in Montenegro or Albania arms make the man. A man unarmed is looked upon as an effeminate coward. Indeed, by order of Prince Nicholas every Monte- negrin must wear the national dress, both men and women, and every man must carry his revolver when out of doors.
Four hours from Cattaro we were in a lonely mountain fastness, a wild, desolate, treeless region of huge limestone rocks of peculiar volcanic formation, which gave them the appearance of a boiling sea. The views over the Adriatic as we turned back were so superb that, despite photographing being strictly forbidden on account of the fortresses in the vicinity, I could not resist the temptation to take one or two surreptitiously. On, through a bleak, uninhabited country, we at last reached the guard-house of Kerstac, and then half an hour later found ourselves upon a plateau where, in the centre, stood the small clean village of Nyegush, the ancestral home of the reigning family, and the scene of most of the Montenegrin wars of independence. Here we halted for half an hour at the post-house, and before we left, the big, lumbering post-diligence, with its armed guard, came up behind us.
Before we moved off again it had grown dark, the moon shone, and for four hours longer we alternately climbed and descended through that wild region of silence and desolation, until at last we saw, deep below, the lights of Cettinje, the little capital, and an hour later brought us to the unpre- tending "Grand" Hotel.
Hardly had I entered my room when there came a loud knock at my door, and a tall, scarlet-coated Montenegrin warrior, armed to the teeth, entered and saluted. For a moment I looked up at him aghast, but the mystery was solved when, next second, he handed me with great ceremony a telegram from a dear friend in England wishing me God- speed. I had taken him to be, at least, one of the Prince's bodyguard, and he was only a plain telegraph messenger!
This was but one of many surprises in store for me in Montenegro. Next morning I went out to look round the clean little capital, when, on passing the Prince's palace, I saw a number of soldiers drawn up, and as I went by, the band suddenly struck up the British National Anthem! I raised my hat, halted, and stood puzzled. Surely they were not honouring me! Another moment, however, and I recognised the reason. In a carriage, accompanied by the Grand Marechal of the Court, there drove up my friend Mr. Charles des Graz, the newly-appointed British Chargé d'Affaires to Montenegro, who was about to present his creden- tials to His Royal Highness the Prince.
Montenegro is perhaps the most interesting country in all the Balkans. Cettinje, a small, clean town of broad streets and one-storeyed, whitewashed houses, is a little city in the sky, lying as it does in a cup-shaped depression at the summit of a high, bare mountain. Its long, straight, main street reminds one very much of a small country town in England, if it were not that everyone is, by law, compelled to wear the national dress, and every man has in his belt his big, long- barrelled revolver, without which he must never go out of doors.
The men, sturdy mountaineers, are of fine physique- handsome fellows, all of them. Their dress consists of dark blue baggy trousers, white woollen gaiters, raw-hide shoes, a scarlet jacket heavily braided with gold, and a small round cap, with black silk around the edge and the crown of the same colour as the jacket, bearing the Prince's initials in Servian letters, "H.I." The women, who are particularly good-looking, wear dark skirts, beautifully hand-embroidered blouses, and a kind of long coat, with open sleeves of soft, dove-grey cloth. Forbidden to wear European hats, they are compelled to adopt an exactly similar cap to the men, except that the crown is embroidered instead of bearing the royal initials.
Nowhere have I seen such glorification of the male as in Montenegro. To the men, born fighters as they are, work is undignified; therefore the women toil while the opposite sex look on. I saw women employed in building operations and performing work which, in other countries, is left to day- labourers.
Cettinje is quaint in the extreme. The only houses of foreigners are the various Legations, and the only foreigners are diplomats with their wives and families. The first thing that strikes the stranger is the number of petroleum tins. Opposite the hotel I saw a great ring of empty tins, numbering some hundreds, ranged around a fountain. A few women were squatting gossiping, and an armed policeman lounged against the water-source. On inquiry, I found that there was a water famine, and the tins had been placed there at dawn to await the moment when the authorities thought fit to allow the people to get their daily supply. The women had gone away to work, and would return later. The Monte- negrins a short time ago constructed a reservoir, but there was a crack in it, so the water ran away. Hence the famine.
The petroleum tin is never out of sight for a single moment in Cettinje. At any hour, and in any street, you see women and children carrying them. They are used for everything, from milk-pails to flower-pots.
In Cettinje one comes for the first time up against the dark-faced, scowling Albanian in his tightly fitting trousers of white wool striped with black, his dirty white fez, and the swagger of superiority in his gait. He is well armed, and for a good reason. The Montenegrin hates the Albanian, because of the constant border feuds over at Podgoritza, where blood is constantly spilt, and where I have seen a Montenegrin in the market squatting over a basket of apples with a loaded rifle.
That morning I was chatting to a man in Montenegrin dress, of whom I had bought some excellent cigarettes, manufactured by the Montenegro Tobacco Monopoly-an Italian syndicate, by the way and happened to mention that I was on my way to Albania. "Ah, gospodin!" he exclaimed, holding up both his hands, and glancing at the revolver in my belt. "Take my advice.
Don't go into Albania or Macedonia. You are not safe there from one moment to the other. For half a word they'll shoot you dead as easily as they drink a glass of wine. No man's life is worth a moment's purchase there. I'm Albanian myself from Kroja-and I know."
This was scarcely reassuring. I looked about me on every hand as I strolled through Cettinje. All was so quiet, so orderly, so very peaceful there, even though the big, burly mountaineers in the gold-laced jackets eyed me with askance as I passed. Not without some trepidation I took a number of photographs, for I had heard that, like the Turk, the Monte- negrin was averse to having his counterfeit presentment put upon paper. Nevertheless, the first feeling of insecurity having passed, I very soon found myself quite at home in Cettinje, and in the midst of very good and kind friends.
A good many foreigners come up from Cattaro to pry about Cettinje for a day or two, buy picture-postcards and antique arms, sneer at the honest Montenegrin, and return into Dalmatia. Towards such, the Montenegrin is not par- ticularly polite. But those who go to Cettinje to seriously and thoroughly study the people and their future will find a great deal of genuine and charming hospitality.
My first day in Cettinje was lonely. Afterwards, until I left, I was always with friends and officials, who took the greatest trouble to answer my questions and explain matters.
Montenegro is entirely unlike any other country in the world. Its air of antiquity is particularly pleasing, while on every hand the beneficent rule of Prince Nicholas is apparent. Every man in Montenegro swears by his Prince, whom he almost worships. They call him their "father," and if His Royal Highness raised the standard of war to- morrow, every man would rise and fight to the death. The Prince is accessible to all his people-more so to them, indeed, than to the diplomats. Sometimes, early in the morning, he will sit in an arm-chair on the steps leading to the entrance of his palace, and there hear the complaints or petitions of his people. In this patriarchal way he often ministers justice. Last year he granted Montenegro a Constitution, and there is now a Skupshtina similar to that of Servia; but the people have not yet quite understood that in future they must go to the Ministers, and not to their Prince. They will see him, and nobody else.
In no country is loyalty and patriotism so strong as in Montenegro. The army is well trained, and the whole country being one huge natural fortress, a foreign enemy would experience enormous difficulty in gaining entrance. In Cettinje, even a constant traveller like myself meets with continual surprises. One day, while walking at the rear of the Bigliardo, or old palace-so called because when built the first billiard table was introduced-I heard the sound of clanking chains behind me. At first I took no notice, but as it continued with regular rhythm I glanced behind, when, to my amaze- ment, I saw a convict in leg-fetters with difficulty taking his afternoon stroll beneath the trees! There were several others on the grass plot before the prison, idling in the shadow or gossiping with their friends, who had come to keep them company!
Inquiriesshowed that most of these prisoners were murderers, not for robbery but for vendetta. In Montenegro the blood- feud is constant, and life is held very cheap. It invariably commences by jealousy, and is of everyday occurrence. Two lovers quarrel, and one is shot. Then the blood-feud commences, and unlike in Italy or other Southern countries, the vendetta is not only upon the murderer, but upon his next-of-kin. Therefore, if the assassin escapes into Servia, Bosnia, or Turkey, as he so often does, the brother of the dead man takes up the feud and kills the assassin's brother without parley when next he meets him. I myself saw a man shot dead one night in Ryeka, at the head of the Lake of Scutari, and the murderer walked coolly away undeterred. It was the blood-feud, and no one took much notice.
"S'bogom!" (God be with you!) It is the expression you hear on every hand in the Balkans. In the streets the peasants touch their round caps in salute and exclaim, "S'bogom!" When you leave for a journey and when you return, when you rise and when you go to rest; even if you go for a short walk-it is the same. Life is so uncertain in those wild regions that the protection of the Almighty is invoked upon you always, and your revolver is ever ready in your belt.
In Cettinje I had a faithful guide and servant, a black-eyed, somewhat sinister-looking Albanian, named Palok. He travelled with me through Montenegro and Albania, and was most faithful and devoted. Besides Albanian and Serb he spoke a little Italian, and possessed a keen sense of humour.
One day, while we were travelling through the wild, bare mountain, a perfect wilderness of huge boulders without a single tree or even blade of grass, we halted for our midday meal, and while eating he told me of a great friend of his who had recently been killed at Spuz for vendetta, and he added, fondling the butt of his revolver, "I too, gospodin, shall die before long."
I looked at him in surprise. His usually humorous face had changed. It was dark and thoughtful, and his black eyes were fixed upon me.
"Is there a blood-feud upon you, then?" I asked, in surprise.
"Yes," he replied briefly; and though I endeavoured to persuade him to tell the story, it was not until the following day that with some reluctance he explained.
"A year ago my brother Tef, away in Scutari, fell in love with a beautiful girl. He had a rival-a young Albanian, a coppersmith in the bazaar. They quarrelled, but the girl-ah! she was very beautiful-preferred Tef. Where- upon the rival one night took his rifle and laid in wait for my brother in the main street of Scutari. Early in the evening he left the house of the girl's father, and as he passed the fellow shot poor Tef dead."
And he paused as his brow knit deeply, and his teeth were set tightly.
"Well?" I asked.
"Well, gospodin. What would you have done had your own brother died a dog's death? I took a rifle, and within a week the murderer was in his grave. I shot him through the heart and then I left Scutari."
"And you are safe here, in Montenegro ?"
"Safe! Oh dear, no," he answered. "One day-it may be to-day-the fellow's brother will kill me. He must kill me. It is Fate-why worry about it? It does one no good."
And the marked man, the man doomed to die at a moment when he least expects it, rolled a cigarette and lit it with perfect resignment.
"And are you not afraid to go with me back to Scutari?" I asked, amazed at his fearlessness.
"Afraid, gospodin!" he exclaimed, looking at me in reproach as his hand instinctively wandered to his weapon. "Afraid! No Albanian is afraid of the blood-feud. I have killed the murderer, and his brother must kill me. It is our law." And the doomed man smiled gravely.
"And the girl?" I asked.
"Ah! They are all the same," he answered, with a quick shrug of the shoulders. "A month ago she married a tobacco- seller a man old enough to be her father. Poor Tef! If he could but know!"
"And the blood-feud still continues?"
"Of course-until I am dead."
Then Palok smoked on in silence, entirely resigned to the fate that awaits him. He knows that one day, as he walks along the road, the sharp crack of a hidden rifle will sound, and he will fall to earth, another victim of a woman's fickleness.
S'bogom! God be with you!
CHAPTER II
AN AUDIENCE OF PRINCE NICHOLAS
The Palace at Cettinje-A cigarette with the Prince-The policy of Monte- negro-A confidential chat-His Royal Highness's admiration for England-His views upon Macedonia-He urges me not to attempt to go to Albania, but I persuade him to help me-His Highness's kindness -Souvenirs.
HIS Royal Highness the Prince will be pleased to grant you private audience at four o'clock this after- noon, gospodin."
The tall, burly aide-de-camp in the little round cap, high boots, pale blue overcoat, and pistols in his belt, saluted, and we shook hands.
It was then three o'clock, and I was just about to go out to visit Madame Constantinovitch, the mother of Princess Mirko. So I had to return at once to my room and dress for the audience. The kings and princes of the Balkans have a habit of summoning one at a moment's notice, and paying visits at unearthly hours.
Here, in Cettinje, in the heart of these wild, desolate fast- nesses, one seems so far removed from European influence, yet how great a part has this rocky, impregnable country, with its fierce soldier-inhabitants, played in the politics of Eastern Europe, and how great a part it is still destined to play in the near future!
The fact that everybody is armed gives the stranger an uncanny feeling. The man who brings one's coffee wears a perfect arsenal of weapons in his sash, and one quickly acquires the habit of carrying a revolver one's self. Indeed, if you are wise, you will carry a good serviceable weapon from the moment you enter the Balkans to the moment you quit them. But if you approach the Albanian frontier, you will be at once warned not to fire without just cause. A few shots is sufficient to alarm the whole neighbourhood for many miles, and on hearing the alarm every man seizes his rifle and flies to the rendezvous, fully equipped and eager for the fight with those Albanian border tribes, of whom I afterwards had the good fortune to be the guest.
I had already had a long chat with Prince Danilo, the Crown Prince of Montenegro, whom I found a very smart and highly educated man, fully alive to the political difficulties of the neighbouring states and the necessity of Montenegro preserving her independence. He held very strong views upon the terrible state of affairs in Macedonia, and gave me many interesting details about his own country.
Having met him, and also his younger brother, Prince Mirko, I was particularly anxious to make the acquaintance of their father, Prince Nicholas, the ruler of the sturdy, warlike dwellers of the "Land of the Black Mountain "-the principal and most striking figure in this remarkable country, where peace and war walk ever hand-in-hand.
Since 1860, when his uncle, Prince Danilo, was assassinated, he has ruled justly, if somewhat sternly, and has succeeded in raising his nation from a state of semi-civilisation to the high place it now occupies in the Eastern world. In 1888 he gave the country a Civil and Criminal Code, and last year he granted a Constitution. Indeed, he has done all in his power to induce his warriors to follow the arts of peace without forgetting those of war.
At the hour appointed, the royal aide-de-camp called in a carriage and drove me to the Palace, a long, dark brown building of somewhat plain exterior, as befits the home of a fighting race, where I was received in the great hall by half a dozen bowing servants in scarlet and gold. Here I was met by the chamberlain, who conducted me up the grand staircase and into the great audience-chamber, with its many fine paintings and highly polished floor. Then, after a moment, the Prince-a brilliant figure-entered, shook me by the hand, and welcomed me to Montenegro.
These formalities ended, His Royal Highness said in Italian, "Come, let us go into yonder room. We shall be able to talk there more comfortably." And he led me into a smaller chamber, where he gave me a seat at the table where he sat.
The afternoon was gloomy, and dusk was creeping on, therefore upon the table a great antique silver candelabra had been set, and by its light I was enabled to obtain a good view of the ruler of Crnagora, the "Land of the Black Mountain."
Of magnificent physique, tall, muscular, with hair slightly grey, he bore his sixty-five years lightly. Attired in the splendid national costume of scarlet, blue, and gold, with high boots, he wore a single decoration at his throat, the Cross of Danilo, of which Order he is Master. Upon his hand- some, well-cut features the candles shed a soft light, causing the gold upon his dress to glitter, and I noticed, as I asked him questions, how his dark, keen eyes shot quick, inquiring glances of alertness.
After the first few minutes of regal formality His Highness's manner entirely changed. Putting ceremony aside, he pro- duced his cigarette case of crocodile skin, with the royal crown and cipher in gold in the corner-offered me a Montenegrin cigarette, took one himself, lit mine with his own hand, and then we fell to chatting.
In the delightful hour and a half we smoked together I asked the prince-poet many questions, and learnt many things. He explained several difficult points in Balkan politics, which to me, an Englishman, had always been puzzling. We spoke in Italian of Macedonia and of a certain well-known foreign diplomat in London who was our mutual friend, the Prince giving me a very kind message to deliver to him.
Presently I referred to the splendid result of his rule, and related to him a little incident which had occurred to me in Nyegush a few days before, as showing how deeply he was beloved by his nation. A smile crossed his fine open countenance as he replied simply, "I have done my best for my people-my very best; and I shall do so as long as God gives me life. I am happy to believe that my people appreciate my efforts."
"And now, Monseigneur," I asked, "will you tell me what is the present position of Montenegro?"
"The present position is peace," was his prompt answer. "I have granted a Constitution, and the first meeting of the new Skupshtina has been held successfully. Though the Albanian question is always with us, I am thankful to say we are on the most excellent terms with Turkey, while towards Russia we are pursuing our traditional policy. For the Emperor Francis Josef of Austria I have nothing but the most profound admiration, and I owe very much to him."
"And towards England, Monseigneur ?"
"England has been, as you know, Montenegro's very best friend," replied the Prince. "I, personally, have the greatest respect and admiration for your great country. We Montenegrins always remember that it was Mr. Gladstone who gave us the strip of seaboard on the Adriatic with Dulcigno. He was our greatest friend, and his memory is respected by admirer by every man in Montenegro. Of Tennyson, too, I am a great I am very fond of his poems."
"You are a poet yourself, Monseigneur," I remarked, remembering that more than one poetical drama from his pen had been successfully produced on the stage.
His Royal Highness smiled, and puffed slowly at his cigarette.
"I have written one or two little things, it is true; but nothing of late."
"I wonder if I dare ask your Royal Highness to write a few lines for me as a souvenir of my visit?" I asked, not without some trepidation.
"Ah!-well-I won't promise," he laughed. "All depends whether I'm in the mood for it."
"But you will try, won't you?
And the Prince nodded assent.
Then we spoke of Servia and of recent events there; but he was not inclined to discuss the question, and naturally so, when it is remembered that his daughter was the late wife of King Peter.
Returning to the burning question of Macedonia, I saw that he was well informed of all that was transpiring around lakes Presba and Ochrida and down in Serres.
"It is a monstrous state of affairs," he declared. "Something must be done at once, for as soon as spring comes again the massacres will increase."
"But there are outrages, tortures, and massacres every day," I remarked.
"Ah yes," he sighed, "I know. Most terrible details have reached me lately. But you are going to Macedonia yourself, and you will see with your own eyes."
"And what, in your opinion, would be the best settlement of the question?" I inquired.
"There is but one way, namely, for the Powers to call a conference and place Macedonia under a governor - general, who must be a European prince. The reforms would then be carried out, and the Greek bands expelled from the country. How long will Europe tolerate the present frightful state of affairs?"
"The fact is, Monseigneur, that we, in England, are very ignorant of the true state of things, or even of the facts of the Macedonian question," I said.
"Ah, there you are quite correct. If your English public knew what was really happening-how an innocent Christian population is being slaughtered and exterminated because of international rivalry-they would cry shame upon those responsible for this wholesale murder and outrage. But" -he smiled-" I almost forget myself. My position as a ruler forbids me to talk politics, you know!" And we laughed together.
"So you are going to Servia, Bulgaria, Roumania, and to Constantinople-eh?" he remarked a little later, when we had lit fresh cigarettes. "In Bulgaria, and also in Roumania, you will see many things that will interest you. The Bul- garians are very strongly armed, and so are the Roumanians."
"Her Majesty the Queen of Roumania has also promised me audience," I said.
"When you see her, will you please present to Her Majesty my most cordial respects. She is so very charming."
"I want, Monseigneur, to visit Northern Albania, leaving Montenegro by Ryeka and Scutari. Would that be the best route, do you think?"
"What!" he exclaimed, in surprise. "Do you actually contemplate visiting the tribes up in the Accursed Mountains?"
"Certainly. Why not?"
"Well, my advice is, don't think of going there. If you do, you will never return. You'll be shot at sight, like a dog. You have no idea what those uncivilised tribes are like. The whole country is utterly lawless."
"So I understand. But I've also heard that the Albanian possesses a deep sense of honour. And I thought that I might possibly obtain permission from one or other of the chiefs."
The Prince was silent for a moment. Then, looking at me across the table, said-
"Do not go. It is far too great a risk."
His advice was the same that my, friends in London had given me; the same that I had received there, in the market-place of Cettinje.
But I was determined, and pressed His Royal Highness to assist me, at last receiving his promise of help. By his kind permission, the Albanian named Palok acted as my guide, and what eventually happened to me in that wild region will be seen in the following pages.
"Well," exclaimed the Prince at last, "if you go up there, it must be at your own risk. I've warned you of the danger. No one has been up there for many years. It has been at- tempted, of course, but travellers have either been held to ransom, and the Turks have been compelled to pay for their release, or else they have simply been shot by the first Albanian meeting them. The country beyond Scutari is the most unsafe in the whole Balkan Peninsula."
I replied that I intended to make the attempt.
"Well, then, I wish you buon viaggio," he laughed. "May every good luck attend you, and as we say in Montenegro - S'bogom! (God be with you!) When you return for I suppose you will pass this way down to the sea-come and see me, and tell me all about the Skreli and Kastrati country -for of course I am highly interested. They are always at war with our people on the frontier."
"I will let your Royal Highness know the moment I am back in Cettinje," I promised.
Then rising, he gripped my hand warmly, saying-
"Then I will help you if I can. Be careful of yourself, for I shall be anxious about you. Again, S'bogom!"
And the Prince accompanied me to the head of the grand staircase, where I made my obeisance, turned and descended through the rows of armed and bowing servants ranged in the hall, charmed by His Royal Highness's graciousness towards me and by the pleasant chat I had enjoyed.
When, after my journey through Northern Albania, I one afternoon re-entered that audience-chamber, and he came forward with outstretched hand to greet me, he exclaimed-
"Well, well! I am so glad to see you back safe and sound. You look a little thinner in the face a little travel-worn- eh? Life in the Albanian mountains is not like your life in London or Paris, is it? But never mind as long as you are safe," he laughed, placing his hand kindly upon my shoulder.
"Come along to this room. It is more cosy," and he led me to the smaller apartment, his own private cabinet.
For nearly two hours I sat relating to him what occurred on my journey, and describing the wild country which had, until then, been practically a sealed book. Even though Cettinje is so near, hardly anything was known of the Skreli, the Hoti, the Klementi, or the Kastrati tribes, save that they were brigandish bands who constantly raided the Montenegrin frontier.
The Prince listened to me with great attention, and put many questions to me as we smoked together.
Then rising, he took from a drawer in his great writing- table a small scarlet box, and as he opened it he bestowed upon me a compliment undeserved, for he said -
"There are few men who would have risked what you have done. Therefore I wish to invest you with our Order of Danilo, as a mark of my appreciation and esteem."
And he displayed to me the beautiful dark blue and white enamelled cross of the Order, the same that he was wearing at his throat, surmounted by the royal crown and suspended upon the white ribbon edged with cerise.
After he had invested me with the Order, saying many kind things to me, which I really don't think I deserved, he added-
"The chef du chancellerie will send you the diploma in due course, and I trust, when you petition your own gracious Sovereign King Edward, that His Majesty will allow you to wear this insignia."
I thanked His Royal Highness, gripped his hand, and a few minutes later passed through the line of bowing servants out of the Palace.
And that same evening I received from His Royal Highness the signed photograph which appears in these pages.
Before I left Cettinje I received the following expressive lines, written especially for me by a Montenegrin poet who is a great personage, but whose name he would not permit me to give. They are in Servian as follows, and I have placed their English translation below :-
S' veledušnog Albiona
Pružiše se dvije ruke
Crnoj Gori da pomogu
U junačke njene muke
S' vrućom rječu na ustima
Gladston diže Crnogorce
A Tenison za najprve
U svijet ih broi borce
Na glas svoih Velikana
Britanski se narod trže
Da pomože da zaštiti
Crnu Goru iz najbrže
Posla svoje bojne ladje
Sto na tečnost gospostvuju
Veledušno da zaštite
Domovinu milu Moju
O fala ti po sto puta
Blagorodni lyudi Soju
Dok je svjeta dok je greda
Nad Ulcinjem koje stoju
Hraniće ti blagodarnost
Ova šaka sokolova
Koima si u pomoci
Stiga putem od valova.
The literal translation in English is as follows:-
From the great-souled Albion,
Two arms were stretched
To help Montenegro
In her heroic sufferings.
With fiery word on his lips
Gladstone lifts up Montenegrins,
Whilst Tennyson declared them
The very first fighters in the world.
On the call of their great men,
British people rose up
In quickest manner, to help
And to protect Montenegro.
They despatched their war-ships,
Which rule over the seas,
Generously to protect
My Fatherland so dear to me.
Oh! thanks to thee, hundredfold thanks,
Noble race of men.
As long as the world lasts,
As long as the mountains above Dulcigno stand,
Will remain grateful to thee,
This handful of falcons,
To whose help thou didst come
By the road of the waves.
- An Observer in the Near East - William Le Queux. Publisher, E. Nash, 1907.
\**
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The Sneak Peek and Aldi Finds ads for 5/15/2024 - 5/21/2024 are available.
View the sneak peek ad on Aldi's website by scrolling down to where it says BROWSE OTHER ADS and choosing the latest date range. Sneak Peek ads are mostly the same across the US but may differ slightly. The Full Upcoming Aldi Finds Ad is available here.
Advertised prices shown in the Sneak Peek or Weekly ads included here may differ from prices at your store. Prices in the Aldi Finds Ad online should be consistent across the US.
Page 1
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Bold denotes items that are not in the Aldi Finds Sneak Peek ad images.

• Home Goods
  • Huntington Home 18" x 30" Deluxe Summer Doormat - $6.99 (each)
  • Huntington Home IndooOutdoor Tablecloth - $7.99 (each)
  • Pembrook Stationery Set - $6.99 (each)
• Household Essentials
  • ALDI Collapsible Box Bag - $5.99 (each)
  • Ambiano 20-Inch Box Fan - $19.99 (each)
  • Boulder 300 ct. Uncoated Paper Plates - $9.99 (each)
  • Crane Foldable Utility Tote - $9.99 (each)
  • Crane Soft Sided Basket Cooler - $9.99 (each)
  • Downy April Fresh - $10.94 (each)
• Kitchen
  • Crofton 12 Qt. Stainless Steel Stock Pot - $22.99 (each)
  • Crofton 20 oz Stainless Steel Tumbler - $6.99 (each)
  • Crofton Beechwood & Silicone Utensils - $2.99 (each)
  • Crofton Cast Iron Braiser - $24.99 (each)
  • Crofton Cold Brew Coffee System - $9.99 (each)
  • Crofton Colorful Plastic Pitcher - $5.99 (each)
  • Crofton Frying Pan Set or 12" Fry Pan - $14.99 (each)
  • Crofton Meal Containers - $6.99 (each)
  • Crofton Two Burner Griddle - $14.99 (each)
  • ICEE Starter Kit - $29.99 (each)
  • Range Master Flat or Wok Grill Topper - $7.99 (each)
  • Range Master Round or Rectangle Baking & Pizza Stone - $9.99 (each)
  • Zak Designs 4 Pk Color Change Tumblers - $5.99 (each)
• Outdoor Living & Garden
  • Adventuridge Bucket Cooler Backpack - $24.99 (each)
  • Belavi 80 Gallon Deck Box - $49.99 (each)
  • Belavi 9 Foot Scalloped Market Umbrella - $39.99 (each)
  • Belavi Boho Hanging Chair - $29.99 (each)
  • Belavi Citronella Tin Candle - $5.99 (each)
  • Belavi Steel Fire Bowl - $39.99 (each)
  • Belavi Trough Planter - $9.99 (each)
  • Summer Premium Patio Planter - $12.99 (each)
  • Sun Star Plant - $9.99 (each)
• Apparel
  • Childrens Character Bucket Hat or Cap - $4.99 (each)
  • Childrens Character Swimsuit - $12.99 (each)
  • Cinch Character Backpack - $6.99 (each)
  • Crane Men's or Ladies Lightweight Sandals - $6.99 (each)
  • Licensed Toddlers Character Water Shoes - $6.99 (each)
  • Lily & Dan Toddlers and Childrens Lightweight Footbed Sandals - $3.99 (each)
  • Lily & Dan Childrens Swim Cover Up - $7.99 (each)
  • Serra Ladies Capri Jeggings - $8.99 (each)
  • Serra Ladies Retro Sneaker - $12.99 (each)
  • Serra Ladies Terry Cover Up - $12.99 (each)
• Sports & Outdoor Activities
  • Banzai Aqua Drench 3-in-1 Splash Park - $29.99 (each)
  • Banzai Aqua Summer Toys - $4.99 (each)
  • Coconut Grove Giant Inflatable Sprinkler - $14.99 (each)
  • Crane Aqua Animal - $19.99 (each)
  • Crane Bean Bag Set - $6.99 (each)
  • Crane Bean Bag Toss - $29.99 (each)
  • Crane Premium Pool Noodle - $19.99 (each)
  • Crane Rope Handled Tub - $7.99 (each)
  • Crane Stadium Seat - $14.99 (each)
  • Funsicle Quick Set Pool - $49.99 (each)
  • Intex Floating Recliner Lounge - $19.99 (each)
  • Intex Watergun Plane Float - $9.99 (each)
  • Sakar Character 3 Wheel Scooter - $19.99 (each)
  • Wahu Water Game - $14.99 (each)
• Beverages
  • Nature's Nectar Sparkling Drink Mixers Assorted Varieties - $3.49 (33.8 fl. oz)
• Bakery & Bread
  • Patriotic Brownies - $4.29 (13 oz)
  • Pretzilla Pretzel Hamburger Buns - $2.99 (12.8 oz)
  • Specially Selected Plant Based Brioche Bun - $2.79 (7.05 oz)
  • Two-bite Patriotic Mini Cupcakes - $3.99 (10 oz)
• Snacks
  • Angie's BOOMCHICKAPOP Sea Salt Popcorn or Sweet & Salty Kettle Corn - $3.44 (4.8-7 oz)
  • Benton's Key Lime Sandwich Cremes - $2.69 (15.25 oz)
  • Clancy's Roasted Sweet Corn Popcorn - $2.49 (6 oz)
  • Nabisco Ritz Toasted Chips Assorted Varieties - $3.69 (8.1 oz)
  • On The Border Cafe Style Tortilla Chips - $2.49 (11 oz)
  • Snyder's of Hanover Honey Mustard or Hot Buffalo Pretzel Pieces - $2.49 (8 oz)
• Dairy & Eggs
  • Siggi's Icelandic Skyr 0% Yogurt Plain or Vanilla - $5.99 (24 oz)
• Deli
  • Park Street Deli Jalapeno or Kapow Boneless Ribs - $6.99 (16 oz)
• Frozen
  • Cattlemen's Ranch Prime Rib or Pub Style Beef Patties - $8.49 (32 oz.)
  • Cattlemen's Ranch Roasted Garlic or Onion Black Angus Beef Patties - $8.49 (32 oz.)
  • Fremont Fish Market Marinated Butterfly Shrimp - $5.99 (12 oz)
  • liveGfree Gluten Free Cheesecake Sampler - $10.99 (32 oz)
  • Mama Cozzi's Pizza Kitchen Cheese Stuffed Breadsticks - $2.69 (11.5 oz)
  • Mama Cozzi's Pizza Kitchen Spicy Thin Crust Pizzas Assorted Variety - $4.99 (14.75-14.80 oz)
  • Priano Alfredo or Tomato Basil Stuffed Gnocchi - $3.49 (16 oz)
  • Restaurant Quality Quarter Pound Beef Patties - $14.99 (6 lbs)
  • Season's Choice Seasoned Spiral Fries - $3.79 (28 oz)
  • Sundae Shoppe Pina Colada or Caribbean Fruit Bars - $2.99 (12 fl oz)
  • Sundae Shoppe Summer Gelato Assorted Varieties - $3.79 (28.5 fl oz)
  • White Castle Chicken & Cheese Sliders - $5.49 (11.36 oz)
• Fresh Meat & Seafood
  • Fresh Maui Pineapple Atlantic Salmon on a Cedar Plank - $9.99 (Random Weight)
  • Morton's of Omaha Fresh USDA Choice Salt & Pepper Brisket - $5.29 (per lb.)
  • Smithfield Fresh Pork Butt Roast - $1.89 (per lb.)
• Pantry Essentials
  • Hellmann's Squeeze Mayonnaise Assorted Varieties - $5.48 (20 fl. oz)
  • Inglehoffer Assorted Mustards - $2.84 (10-10.25 oz.)

Previous Aldi Finds ad: (US) Aldi Finds Sneak Peek and Weekly Ad for 5/8/24
Archived Aldi Ad

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A relaxing trip of Coastal Karnataka awaits you! We're talking about lots of local vibes, great markets, and amazing beaches. Picture yourself strolling along the seaside, exploring interesting locations, and bright, sandy feet.
This post will provide you an overview of the best places to visit in Coastal Karnataka as well as some entertaining anecdotes. This journey is all about carefree activities, whether you enjoy history, beaches, or just delicious food. Now let's get started and discover the amazing, carefree nature of Coastal Karnataka!
Coastal Karnataka, also known as Karavali Coast, is a chill place with great beaches, temples, and yummy food. Let's take a super easy Coastal Karnataka tour through some cool spots in this awesome region.
Udupi - Temple Town: Our journey starts in Udupi, famous for its Krishna Temple and tasty Udupi food. The old temple has cool carvings, and Udupi dosas and filter coffee are a big hit – they taste really good!
Malpe Beach - Relax by the Sea: Next stop is Malpe Beach, a peaceful spot with golden sand and calm waves. You can also take a boat to St. Mary's Island to see cool rocks. And don't miss the busy fishing harbor – it's pretty interesting!
Gokarna - Beach and Spirituality Mix: Gokarna is famous for its beaches and spiritual vibes. The Mahabaleshwar Temple is cool, and there are awesome beaches like Kudle and Om. It's a mix of spirituality and beach fun!
Karwar - River meets the Sea: Karwar is a cute town where the Kali River meets the Arabian Sea. You can do water sports and take boat rides. Check out the old Sadashivgad Fort on a hill – it's really cool.
Whether you want spiritual moments, beach adventures, or just a taste of local life, a good Karnataka coastal tour will have it all. So, get ready for a super easy and fun tour along the awesome Karavali Coast!
Coastal Karnataka: Easy Breezy Beaches and Cool Culture
‘Anubhav’ travel agency offers the best Karnataka coastal tour.
Days - 6 Nights / 7 Days
From - Murudeshwar to Kumta
₹ 36,000/- plus Railway or Air Fare for Single Occupancy
The cheerful inhabitants, the vibrant marketplaces, and the sound of the waves; well, that's what coastal Karnataka is all about. It's a laid-back journey where modernity blends with tradition and simplicity.
So maybe when you examine the beaches, bustling cities, and delicious local cuisine, you could think about organizing your own trip. Coastal Karnataka is waiting for you, and you never know what you could find—we may have missed something really amazing. Let's dream about sunny days, sand between our toes, and the relaxed allure of coastal Karnataka till then!
Let us now explore a bit on the northern side of India.
Going on a magnificent tour across northern India's various landscapes is an unforgettable experience. The Amritsar Dalhousie Dharamshala tour offers a beautiful combination of spirituality, colonial elegance, and Himalayan tranquility, with 1500 km of mesmerizing sites and cultural treasures.
Amritsar
Our trip starts in Amritsar, home to the famous Golden Temple, a peaceful place. People can join the interesting rituals and feel the calm vibes. The tour also takes us to historic spots like Jallianwala Bagh and Wagah Border, where there's a patriotic ceremony every day, adding a special touch to the journey.
Dalhousie
Starting from Amritsar, we go to the nice hill place called Dalhousie. There, old-style buildings mix with lots of greenery. Spots like St. John's Church, Subhash Baoli, and Panchpula are special, showing us the place's history and pretty nature. The busy markets add local charm, making Dalhousie a perfect break from the everyday busyness.
Dharamshala
Now, we keep going and reach Dharamshala, where the 14th Dalai Lama lives, and it's a cool place for Tibetans. In McLeod Ganj, there are monasteries and shops with handmade stuff, making it feel special. We can explore and learn about local ways at spots like Tsuglagkhang Complex, Bhagsunath Temple, Waterfall, and Kangra Art Museum. And if you're up for it, the Triund Trek shows amazing views of the Dhauladhar Range.
Savoring Local Delights
No trip is done without trying local food. In Amritsar, there's Amritsari kulcha and lassi, in Dalhousie, you get yummy Himachali treats, and in Dharamshala, there are tasty Tibetan snacks. Each one gives a different food adventure, showing off the region's flavors and leaving a tasty memory on your tongue.
The Amritsar Dalhousie Dharamshala tour is like a cool adventure that helps you understand spirituality, history, and pretty views. Every place you visit is super memorable, like the calm Golden Temple, the old and cool Dalhousie, and the Tibetan group in Dharamshala.
This trip is made for people who want a chill time with beautiful nature and lots of cool culture. It's awesome for those who want to feel spiritual, love nature, or really like history. So, when you start this fun journey in northern India, just enjoy the simple things, feel the good vibes, and check out all the beauty around you.