Vex was placed in a holding cell aboard the human vessel, with energy shielding that was impossible to penetrate. He spent the journey in contemplation, marveling at everything he had witnessed of humanity's capabilities. How had they achieved so much in so little time? There had to be more to their story that met the eye.
As the ship entered Earth orbit, Vex caught glimpses of the planet on the screen. Great sprawling cities sparkled underneath, far larger than any in the Krell empire. Powerful orbital installations dotted the skies, dwarfing even the Empire's largest shipyards. It was then that Vex began to understand, that his people were completely unprepared for the scale of humanity's advancement.
The ship docked at a massive orbital station, teeming with activity. Vex was escorted from his cell by armed guards, their weaponry far superior to even Krell special forces. They said nothing as they led him through gleaming corridors, giving Vex time to study the architecture and design. Everything was optimized for efficiency in a way that spoke of deeply ingrained engineering principles.
Vex was brought before Commander Holden, who wasted no time getting straight to business. "Admiral, I understand you came here on a diplomatic mission. But covertly entering our space shows your people don't view us as friends. Why have you really come?"
Vex knew honesty was his only option. "Commander, I will not deny that my council sees humanity as a threat. When I reported on what I witnessed, they ordered me to return covertly and assess your technology, to understand how you achieved so much in so short a time. But I have realized, that approach will only breed more suspicion between our people."
Holden considered this response carefully. "Your people fear what they don't understand. But attacking or stealing technology will not earn your Empire's safety. We seek peaceful relations with all space-faring civilizations. If your leaders are open to dialog, there may be a way forward that benefits all."
Vex nodded slowly. "I believe the same, Commander. My mission has given me a new perspective. With your permission, I would like to open direct channel with the Empire and relay to them what I have witnessed, and that dialogue is the wisest path."
Holden thought for a moment. "An open dialogue could be a positive step. But there must be transparency on both sides going forward. I am willing to bring your request to our leaders, Admiral. In the meantime, you will remain our guest. You and your crew will be treated well and want for nothing."
Over the next few days, Vex was given accommodations befitting his status. He spent hours each day observing and talking with humans, and came to respect their ingenuity, compassion, and drive. Humanity's rapid advancement was due not to any secret, but to maximizing individual potential through advanced education and societal support structures. It became clear how open exchange could uplift his own people in turn.
Vex was updated that his request had been approved, and arrangements were being made for a secured FTL QEC channel to address the Empire Council directly. The day finally came, and Vex stood before the transmission portal, steeling himself for what was to come.
Would the Council even believe the truth, or had fear gripped them too strongly? There was only one way to find out.
Vex appeared before the Council Chambers, met by a sea of wary faces. Grand Admiral Kaar spoke first. "Admiral Vex, we awaited your report. Have you discovered the source of humanity's strength so we can counter this emerging threat?"
Vex took a deep breath. "Honorable Council, my ship was discovered, and captured by human fleet as fast as we entered their space. Both me and crew have been treated well by out hosts, and I’m here to ask you for you permission, to open diplomatic talks with human leaders, to solve this political crisis we have caused
An uproar followed as Councilors debated this shocking revelation. Kaar held up his hand for silence. "Vex, you ask us to abandon everything we know for the word of this...alien species. Why should we not see them still as a threat?"
Commander Holden stared harshly at the gathered Krell Council members, through the quantum communicator. "Admiral Vex and members of Krell council, when your vessel illegally entered sovereign human space, we could have responded with full force. The only reason your ship, and crew are still intact is because I chose to show restraint."
Vex shifted uncomfortably under Holden's stern gaze. "Commander, I understand the violation of your borders caused concern. Our intentions were to gather information, not instigate conflict. Please understand our species is still coming to terms with humanity's overwhelming advantages."
"Empty words," Holden interrupted. "For all your talk of diplomacy, your Admiralty ordered covert reconnaissance with unknown objectives. How am I to take your word when your very first contact was done in shadows and deception?"
Grand Admiral Kaar leaned forward. "Do not lecture us human. Our mission was to ensure the security of the Krell Empire in the face of an emerging superior force. If your technology had fallen into the wrong hands the consequences could have been disastrous."
"And who decides what constitutes the 'wrong hands' if not us?" Holden shot back. "This is not some lawless frontier Admiral, it is organized United Earth space. We will not tolerate foreign powers skulking around our borders and facilities unannounced."
Vex raised a pacifying hand. "Commander, while the Council's decision was rash, no harm was done. Let us move forward in a spirit of open-"
"Be silent Admiral," Holden cut him off. "I have not granted you permission to speak. You Krell act as if you are entitled to do as you please in our space, facing no repercussions. Well you have severely miscalculated."
Kaar leaned forward menacingly. "Are you threatening us human? Your fleets would burn before ever reaching the Empire home world. Do not believe you hold power over us."
A steely glint entered Holden's eyes. "Is that so Admiral? Then perhaps a demonstration is in order." He turned to an aide. "Launch the prototype."
The aide nodded and spoke quietly into her comm unit. Outside the viewing ports, the black void suddenly erupted in blinding light. A ripple seemed to pass through normal space itself, distorting the stars beyond in its wake. When the glare faded, a massive object was visible, a 10 miles long cylinder,
composed entirely of some unknown silvery material. Kaar blinked in shocked disbelief. "What...what is that?" Holden allowed himself a thin smile. "The product of unconventional technological pathways, even your reconnaissance failed to uncover Admiral. Allow me to introduce, Starlight Drive prototype 1, humanity's solution to traveling between the stars without limit."
Vex fought to find words. "Commander...that technology violates all known laws of physics. FTL travel was theorized as impossible!"
"And yet here it rests before your eyes," Holden replied calmly. "Its drives can accelerate this vessel from a dead stop to five percent of lightspeed within an hour, before safely making the jump to FTL velocities. But its true power lies elsewhere."
He gestured to the aide, who input a series of commands. There was another brilliant rippling in realspace, and when it faded the prototype was gone, having vanished without a trace. Simultaneously, an alert chimed on the crew's sensor boards - the prototype had reappeared halfway across the known galaxy, less than a lightyear from the Krell home world.
"One must always be prepared to face the unforeseen," Holden said ominously. His gaze swept across the stunned Council. "Bear that lesson well as you reconsider any plans regarding humanity or our borders. Your infiltration will have repercussions, but that discussion can wait. For now, our message is delivered, do not test us further, Council members.'"
With that, he cut the channel, leaving the Krell delegates in shocked silence. Vex stared at the empty transmission field, a cold feeling growing in his core. It seemed humanity's true military potential was even more staggering than they could have possibly imagined. What other paradigm-shifting technologies did they possess in reserve? More worrying still was the steely gleam, he had seen in Holden's eyes during the demonstration, these Terrans would show no mercy, if directly provoked. Cooperation was the only path to survival, if the Council could be persuaded to set aside their pride and see reason before it was too late.
The Council debated late into the cycles, but the discussion was far from civil. Factions remained stubbornly divided in their views of humanity.
Grand Admiral Kaar voiced the loudest opposition. "These Terrans speak of cooperation, yet covertly infiltrated our borders, in the middle of talks. How can we trust such a technologically advanced species, not to see them as a threat?"
Another council member struggled to be heard over the shouts of agreement. "Honorable Council, while the infiltration was a misstep, their intentions appeared peaceful. Would it not be prudent to learn more, before making enemies of a potential ally?"
"Empty words," Kaar countered. "You have been blinded by these aliens. We must approach them with caution, not naivety."
Weary hours passed without resolution. Then Kaar proposed a sinister compromise: "Send delegates not for learning, but to spy on humanity's strengths and vulnerabilities. Only then can we properly defend our people from their looming threat."
The Council unanimously approved the covert mission, to neutral space near human core systems, under the banner of diplomatic talks. Despite some council members objections, plans were made to infiltrate humanity under false pretenses of diplomacy. Weeks later, the delegation departed, concealing their true hostile purpose under a thin guise of open mindedness.
Opposition council members could only watch helplessly, praying the delegates did not provoke humanity's ire, through deception and betrayal. Much now depended on the Terrans showing restraint, if the deception was uncovered, for second time.
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Vex was placed in a holding cell aboard the human vessel, with energy shielding that was impossible to penetrate. He spent the journey in contemplation, marveling at everything he had witnessed of humanity's capabilities. How had they achieved so much in so little time? There had to be more to their story that met the eye.
As the ship entered Earth orbit, Vex caught glimpses of the planet on the screen. Great sprawling cities sparkled underneath, far larger than any in the Krell empire. Powerful orbital installations dotted the skies, dwarfing even the Empire's largest shipyards. It was then that Vex began to understand, that his people were completely unprepared for the scale of humanity's advancement.
The ship docked at a massive orbital station, teeming with activity. Vex was escorted from his cell by armed guards, their weaponry far superior to even Krell special forces. They said nothing as they led him through gleaming corridors, giving Vex time to study the architecture and design. Everything was optimized for efficiency in a way that spoke of deeply ingrained engineering principles.
Vex was brought before Commander Holden, who wasted no time getting straight to business. "Admiral, I understand you came here on a diplomatic mission. But covertly entering our space shows your people don't view us as friends. Why have you really come?"
Vex knew honesty was his only option. "Commander, I will not deny that my council sees humanity as a threat. When I reported on what I witnessed, they ordered me to return covertly and assess your technology, to understand how you achieved so much in so short a time. But I have realized, that approach will only breed more suspicion between our people."
Holden considered this response carefully. "Your people fear what they don't understand. But attacking or stealing technology will not earn your Empire's safety. We seek peaceful relations with all space-faring civilizations. If your leaders are open to dialog, there may be a way forward that benefits all."
Vex nodded slowly. "I believe the same, Commander. My mission has given me a new perspective. With your permission, I would like to open direct channel with the Empire and relay to them what I have witnessed, and that dialogue is the wisest path."
Holden thought for a moment. "An open dialogue could be a positive step. But there must be transparency on both sides going forward. I am willing to bring your request to our leaders, Admiral. In the meantime, you will remain our guest. You and your crew will be treated well and want for nothing."
Over the next few days, Vex was given accommodations befitting his status. He spent hours each day observing and talking with humans, and came to respect their ingenuity, compassion, and drive. Humanity's rapid advancement was due not to any secret, but to maximizing individual potential through advanced education and societal support structures. It became clear how open exchange could uplift his own people in turn.
Vex was updated that his request had been approved, and arrangements were being made for a secured FTL QEC channel to address the Empire Council directly. The day finally came, and Vex stood before the transmission portal, steeling himself for what was to come.
Would the Council even believe the truth, or had fear gripped them too strongly? There was only one way to find out.
Vex appeared before the Council Chambers, met by a sea of wary faces. Grand Admiral Kaar spoke first. "Admiral Vex, we awaited your report. Have you discovered the source of humanity's strength so we can counter this emerging threat?"
Vex took a deep breath. "Honorable Council, my ship was discovered, and captured by human fleet as fast as we entered their space. Both me and crew have been treated well by out hosts, and I’m here to ask you for you permission, to open diplomatic talks with human leaders, to solve this political crisis we have caused
An uproar followed as Councilors debated this shocking revelation. Kaar held up his hand for silence. "Vex, you ask us to abandon everything we know for the word of this...alien species. Why should we not see them still as a threat?"
Commander Holden stared harshly at the gathered Krell Council members, through the quantum communicator. "Admiral Vex and members of Krell council, when your vessel illegally entered sovereign human space, we could have responded with full force. The only reason your ship, and crew are still intact is because I chose to show restraint."
Vex shifted uncomfortably under Holden's stern gaze. "Commander, I understand the violation of your borders caused concern. Our intentions were to gather information, not instigate conflict. Please understand our species is still coming to terms with humanity's overwhelming advantages."
"Empty words," Holden interrupted. "For all your talk of diplomacy, your Admiralty ordered covert reconnaissance with unknown objectives. How am I to take your word when your very first contact was done in shadows and deception?"
Grand Admiral Kaar leaned forward. "Do not lecture us human. Our mission was to ensure the security of the Krell Empire in the face of an emerging superior force. If your technology had fallen into the wrong hands the consequences could have been disastrous."
"And who decides what constitutes the 'wrong hands' if not us?" Holden shot back. "This is not some lawless frontier Admiral, it is organized United Earth space. We will not tolerate foreign powers skulking around our borders and facilities unannounced."
Vex raised a pacifying hand. "Commander, while the Council's decision was rash, no harm was done. Let us move forward in a spirit of open-"
"Be silent Admiral," Holden cut him off. "I have not granted you permission to speak. You Krell act as if you are entitled to do as you please in our space, facing no repercussions. Well you have severely miscalculated."
Kaar leaned forward menacingly. "Are you threatening us human? Your fleets would burn before ever reaching the Empire home world. Do not believe you hold power over us."
A steely glint entered Holden's eyes. "Is that so Admiral? Then perhaps a demonstration is in order." He turned to an aide. "Launch the prototype."
The aide nodded and spoke quietly into her comm unit. Outside the viewing ports, the black void suddenly erupted in blinding light. A ripple seemed to pass through normal space itself, distorting the stars beyond in its wake. When the glare faded, a massive object was visible, a 10 miles long cylinder,
composed entirely of some unknown silvery material. Kaar blinked in shocked disbelief. "What...what is that?" Holden allowed himself a thin smile. "The product of unconventional technological pathways, even your reconnaissance failed to uncover Admiral. Allow me to introduce, Starlight Drive prototype 1, humanity's solution to traveling between the stars without limit."
Vex fought to find words. "Commander...that technology violates all known laws of physics. FTL travel was theorized as impossible!"
"And yet here it rests before your eyes," Holden replied calmly. "Its drives can accelerate this vessel from a dead stop to five percent of lightspeed within an hour, before safely making the jump to FTL velocities. But its true power lies elsewhere."
He gestured to the aide, who input a series of commands. There was another brilliant rippling in realspace, and when it faded the prototype was gone, having vanished without a trace. Simultaneously, an alert chimed on the crew's sensor boards - the prototype had reappeared halfway across the known galaxy, less than a lightyear from the Krell home world.
"One must always be prepared to face the unforeseen," Holden said ominously. His gaze swept across the stunned Council. "Bear that lesson well as you reconsider any plans regarding humanity or our borders. Your infiltration will have repercussions, but that discussion can wait. For now, our message is delivered, do not test us further, Council members.'"
With that, he cut the channel, leaving the Krell delegates in shocked silence. Vex stared at the empty transmission field, a cold feeling growing in his core. It seemed humanity's true military potential was even more staggering than they could have possibly imagined. What other paradigm-shifting technologies did they possess in reserve? More worrying still was the steely gleam, he had seen in Holden's eyes during the demonstration, these Terrans would show no mercy, if directly provoked. Cooperation was the only path to survival, if the Council could be persuaded to set aside their pride and see reason before it was too late.
The Council debated late into the cycles, but the discussion was far from civil. Factions remained stubbornly divided in their views of humanity.
Grand Admiral Kaar voiced the loudest opposition. "These Terrans speak of cooperation, yet covertly infiltrated our borders, in the middle of talks. How can we trust such a technologically advanced species, not to see them as a threat?"
Another council member struggled to be heard over the shouts of agreement. "Honorable Council, while the infiltration was a misstep, their intentions appeared peaceful. Would it not be prudent to learn more, before making enemies of a potential ally?"
"Empty words," Kaar countered. "You have been blinded by these aliens. We must approach them with caution, not naivety."
Weary hours passed without resolution. Then Kaar proposed a sinister compromise: "Send delegates not for learning, but to spy on humanity's strengths and vulnerabilities. Only then can we properly defend our people from their looming threat."
The Council unanimously approved the covert mission, to neutral space near human core systems, under the banner of diplomatic talks. Despite some council members objections, plans were made to infiltrate humanity under false pretenses of diplomacy. Weeks later, the delegation departed, concealing their true hostile purpose under a thin guise of open mindedness.
Opposition council members could only watch helplessly, praying the delegates did not provoke humanity's ire, through deception and betrayal. Much now depended on the Terrans showing restraint, if the deception was uncovered, for second time.

I’m getting really run down right now. My wife and I have been married 7 years with 2 beautiful boys. I want to move back to my hometown, where my parents still reside. My wife gets incredibly anxious about the thought and feels she cannot do it, it’s too scary at the thought. I’m not sure how we can move forward with our relationship if we can’t give this a try.
Background on why: I am the breadwinner with a remote, fantastic job. Can work anywhere—approved already by employer. My wife and I have 2 boys—one of which has several health challenges that we are working our best on him with: OT, Psyches, doctors, our own home therapy and parent practices, it’s very hard, and has been VERY hard on my wife. He is in preschool 5 days a week 9-3. Our 2yo is what you’d call more “typical” compared to his brother at 2. However, he is an awful, awful sleeper. Still cosleeping but waking 3-6 times a night. My wife cannot bring herself to try and help sleep “train” him (we would train him together) to be more self sufficient at sleeping, but constantly complains about how much he is up and how tired she is. I’m up with the boys every morning at 5:30 when the older boys wakes, then with the 2yo between 6-6:30 when he’s up and I let her sleep some more. I cook almost all meals, play, take them outdoors, to the store, do school drop off and pick up, dishes, laundry, etc. I feel I do quite a lot comparatively.
I’m running out of steam. My wife also recently had what I can only reasonably term as a mental breakdown when one of the boys became sick (a stomach bug), and it’s had a prolonged effect on her for a long time now. I got her to a crisis center and helped her finally get a therapist and a psychiatrist. I had been advocating for a year that she needs a therapist, since she stopped seeing her PPD therapist. She still sets off with anger, especially with our struggling 5yo, and gets severely overwhelmed with what I can only term as “life.” An example is she gets overwhelmed thinking what she wants for dinner. I’ve been balancing working at home full time with taking care of the youngest (while she’s trying to as well—but asks for help daily) and helping our oldest before and after school with all of his appointments—which are weekly, along with all the other life planning and tasks.
Her mom passed (by suicide) when she was young, her dad is around superficially and rarely visits. Her stepmom is nuts and toxic. She has 3 sisters, one I would say has now become toxic. The other two attempt to help, but are legitimately busy with their young kids and jobs and life. We are on an island. My family is 1000 miles away. My parents and siblings (with kids) visit more than her dad has. The friends I’ve made since moving for my career have actually moved away, for various reasons.
I want to move back to my hometown to be near my family, as they will provide our family with the support we need—particularly with our boys, but my parents, particularly my mom, wants to help her too. Our boys are terrific with my parents. It would provide myself with a great sense of relief too, as I feel I have little to no support where we’re at. Not to mention the cost of living will go down significantly—that’d just be a tertiary net gain. The thought of relocating terrifies my wife, change in general does. But life has just not improved whatsoever since we’ve become parents.
Trying to discuss this topic, or any topic of any significance or seriousness, causes my wife extreme anxiety. We’re paddling upstream against rapids all the time it feels. I’m not sure how much longer I can last in this environment—or our family tbh.
I think it’s become necessary to try a big change, to build something new for us with far more support and away from the drama and toxicity my wife has here. But moving for her seems impossible and too daunting. Her social network is full of similar stuff and doesn’t see her friends much, because she complains of their lifestyles (often involving drugs and alcohol) and the fact most don’t have kids and they stir the pot A LOT with drama, which causes her additional stress.
I’m trying to navigate how this can go from here. I want to be the leader and say “we need to give this a try” because I feel if we don’t, we’re doomed. Anyone been in any semblance of this situation?
TL;DR: I want to move back near my family for more support and build a better life. My wife is terrified at the thought, and feels she cannot do it. I’m drowning and our family NEEDS support, which we will get if we move. Advice?

Hello!
I have recently signed a certification plan through teachworthy. I have a BA in History, graduated in ‘23, but took a year off due to personal reasons. I am wanting to teach Social Studies 7-12. The district that I am interested in is a D.O.I.
I plan on doing my observation hours during the summer, teachworthy training, and the testing for my content exam. After all that, the PPR during the school year.
I know that I would be in a time crunch, but i would like to be hired to work in the Fall semester for a high school. Likely starting in August-October. I have heard that starting in the fall as a first year teacher would be good due to the summer preparations that occur within the district.
If I were to start interviewing now (after receiving acceptance letter from ACP), would I be able to secure a job before passing my exam & doing the teachworthy training? I am asking due to my concerns with “limited opportunities.”
As for the actual interviews, do y’all have any advice for a soon to be 1st year in Social Studies 7-12? I have heard that sometimes you are required to “teach” in front of a panel, or bring a lesson plan of some sort.
Any advice for the application process?
If I were to start in August-October as a first year teacher, would I have 1st year teacher training via districts in the summer, or during the fall? I wondering if id be a little “behind” due to starting a little after the school year start.
Thanks y’all!

Uni finishes tomorrow! I'm so happy, I can finally focus on stuff that actually matters to me!
I wanna decorate my room more because even though it's deocrated now, I wanna cover the blank parts of my walls with stuff that reflects me as a person! I love expressing myself through fashion and my bedroom so this'll be a fun activity for me.
I am going to be doing 10k steps everyday, and also sort out my sleep schedule so I become the morning person I was for a short period of time. I think health-related goals are really important at my age. I wanna start eating better too, I'm gonna learn how to cook meat because meat = lots of nutrients and I really need that haha. I wanna start eating better overall so I can have a flat stomach and because it's good to be healthy, obviously.
I'll also be able to work more shifts at my job so I'll have more money to buy things and also go out. I won't go completely crazy with my money though, because I need to pay off my braces and also pay for my driving lessons. I aim to get my driving licence this summer, I'm so excited! I'll be saving for a car, too, though I'm not sure when I'll actually buy it since I'll still be in uni next year so I might wait until I've graduated? Idk.
I wanna perfect my makeup. I wear minimal makeup but I lack in technique so that's something I want to work on. I want to start looking more put together. But that doesn't mean i'll abandon my alt fashion, I just think it's important to have a bit of both (normalcy and alternativeness).
Since I wanna invest in my appearance I'm gonna be saving up money for designer clothes like Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger. I love the old/new money aesthetic lol.
I've got a couple of books on my bookshelf I've not read, classics like Great Expectations and Frankenstein which I want to read this summer. I've got Shakespeare plays too which I wanna analyse.
I might try out screenwriting and just writing in general.
Those are my plans for the summer! What are yours?

Hi all! After a crazy, but incredibly fun and rewarding year earning my pilot certs, I wanted to make a write-up of my experience in hopes that it’ll be helpful for any other aspiring or current pilots. To summarize, I went from zero aviation experience to CFII in 13 months, Part 61, paying as I go and on the pretty cheap side. I do want to emphasize that I was ~incredibly~ lucky and had some very generous people who helped me out, and I could not have done this as efficiently and cheaply if it weren’t for them. I’m going to list all my takeaways below, but I think my biggest piece of advice is to network as much as you can because there are some amazing, generous people in this community that want to see us all succeed.
Background:
For context, I’m in my mid to late twenties and have been in the workforce for about 5 years. Through a combination of factors I decided to make a career switch to professional pilot but was hesitant because I did not want to take on debt. I have a family member who is an airline pilot who helped me devise a plan. I moved home and kept working my job remotely so I was able to put all my paychecks towards flying.
Private Pilot – 3 months, 75 hours TT, $12k
I did my private in a Piper Archer owned by my local FBO. The owner allowed my family member to be my instructor and gave me a small discount for pre-paying hours. We flew almost daily. I also took ground school at another local FBO in-person, and that was much more helpful than having to learn everything on my own because I was brand new to aviation. I took the private written exam as soon as my ground school concluded which was also the week of my checkride (bad idea in hindsight, but it worked out).
I solo’d around 25 hours and took my checkride with about 60 hours in the Archer (15 additional hours were in a friend’s airplane). The checkride was challenging, but straightforward and I was well prepared. The DPE said good things about me afterward and I was officially a private pilot! I’d be happy to answer questions or do a writeup in a separate post on any of my checkrides but for the sake of brevity I’ll skip that for now.
~Key takeaways from private:~
Fly as often as possible and make sure your instructor is aligned with that. Also stay on top of ground school. Also, don’t rush to take the checkride before you’re ready, it’s okay to have a lot of practice first. Lastly, I know DPE availability is a big issue in lots of areas and can cause people to have to wait on a checkride even though they’ve been ready for months. In my experience, if you try hard enough and call around, you will find someone. However, it might mean you have to travel a little bit which I know is not possible for everyone.
Instrument – 2 months, 150 hours TT, $14k
I was feeling a little fatigued after private so I was slow to start studying for instrument. I started by doing a lot of flying for fun, mainly flying in the Archer by myself on little cross countries to check off some of the requirements (in hindsight I should have found someone to split time with).
I did my instrument at a flight school in one of the adjacent states. This particular school specializes in accelerated programs, but they do not have a formalized instrument course. I went in-person and spoke with the director of flight operations to discuss my options. Since I had to take PTO to do this, the goal was to finish my instrument in one week with the checkride at the end. I paid a flat rate for the airplane and instructor time. I also stayed over there during that week so I had to pay for housing as well.
Before I went over there, I did some prep in the Archer that I did my private in and took the written exam (Sheppard air). I also purchased Sporty’s Instrument course and used that to prep and for the endorsement needed to take the written. The week I spent at the flight school was honestly a blast, and I was able to take my checkride on day 7 with 20 hours in the plane and about 4 hours of sim time. Again, happy to discuss the checkride in the comments or another post.
~Key takeaways from instrument:~
TAKE THE IRA, FII, AND IGI EXAMS AT THE SAME TIME. You only have to purchase the IRA Sheppard course and can take all 3 exams back to back. Also, again stay on top of ground school because instrument flying requires a lot of technical knowledge. But it honestly is really fun!
Commercial – 3 months, 263 hours TT, $8k
The biggest challenge for commercial was time building, of course. This is where networking saved me. I made friends with another instructor who frequented my local FBO who also owns a plane. He needed the time as well so we flew together a lot and I paid for the fuel. I also had another friend at the airport who owns a plane that he doesn’t fly often and offered to let me time build in that (again, I’ve been so lucky to come across some very generous people).
I did my checkride in the Archer that I learned in with my family member signing me off, and with the same DPE who did my private. Commercial was probably the easiest one I had done so far, but it still was no joke! I will say I was amazed with how much easier things came to me by this point versus when I first started, which was a great feeling.
~Key takeaways from commercial:~
Network, network, network. Spend as much time as you can at your local FBO or flight school and make friends with everyone. Like I’ve said, there are some very generous people out there who love to help out new pilots, and I could not have made it this far without them.
Also, in retrospect, it would have been a really good idea to have done commercial from the right seat. I’ve heard of a lot of people doing that and if I had, I would have been able to knock out CFI a lot sooner and cheaper.
Multi-engine add-on – 1 week, 298 hours TT, $4.3k
Shortly after getting my CPL, I had a week of PTO and decided to knock out my multi add-on. I found a flight school with a Seminole and got ahold of their MEI, and we figured we could knock it out during that week. I contacted the DPE who did my private and commercial and we scheduled my checkride for the end of the week. This flight school was about 2 hours driving from home, and I was able to stay with friends while I was there.
This one was a little challenging because this was in January in the midwest and we were seeing a lot of low IFR days. We ended up getting weathered out the first half of the week, but luckily the Seminole was an easy transition for me and we got me trained up in 3 days, 8 hours of flying. I took the checkride as scheduled and passed (I will say I have had extremely good luck with weather for all of my checkride days so far).
Sidenote: Prior to this checkride, I also took the AGI and IGI exams and asked the DPE who did my multi checkride to sign off on the ground instructor certificate at the same time. I did this because I’ve heard it helps when applying to CFI jobs (shows a little extra effort) and it was easier to do it this way versus having a FSDO issue the cert. Cost me $50 to the DPE.
~Key takeaways from multi:~
Do your research to find an airplane at a good rate. I paid $395 per hour which included the instructor, but I’ve seen some schools charging a lot more. Also, I looked into schools with accelerated courses that you pay as a package, and based on my experience I would not recommend because I was able to do it much cheaper my way.
My instructor did a good job of making sure I knew all the aircraft systems well enough to teach them in case I go for my MEI (which I would like to do soon). Since the MEL is light on material, I highly recommend this. Also, when I was doing research I was told to look for a Seminole or DA-42 because they’re easy trainers, which I would agree with based on my limited experience.
CFI – 1 month (on top of all my experience thus far), 316 hours TT, $5k
This was the scariest one for me. I had heard all along that CFI is the hardest and longest checkride and for the most part I would agree. I originally was planning on going to a school with an accelerated program for this, but after asking around I decided to do it on my own (with my family member signing me off).
This one was heavy on ground school. I got some lesson plans from various people as I heard that’s what everyone has prepared for the checkride, but I hardly ended up using them. I also had a friend send me PowerPoints he made for the technical subject areas. I edited them/made them my own and these are what I ended up using for the checkride along with a couple props.
As far as studying goes, the thing I found most helpful was watching random YouTube videos before bed every night. Although it was all review, I picked up a lot of tidbits that weren’t quite drilled into my brain as I still feel new to aviation overall. As the DPE described it, to be a good CFI you basically need to be a nerd about everything aviation and that’s what I tried to do. I would guess that I studied a few hours a day for a month and a half or so. As for the flying part, I had a little bit of right seat experience prior to buckling down for CFI (probably under 5 hours), so I’d guess it took me about 5 more hours to feel comfortable in the right seat. I took the checkride with the same DPE who did my private, commercial, and multi and passed! The checkride was 8 hours total so definitely a long day. As we were debriefing, I went ahead and scheduled CFII with him as well.
~Key takeaways from CFI:~
Start nerding out now (if you aren’t already). Keep a running collection of links and videos that explain concepts well or teach you something interesting, they will be useful for the checkride. Also, don’t buy lesson plans. As my DPE put it, there are really only like 5 lesson plans for any given topic and we all steal them from each other, so no need to reinvent the wheel or pay for them if someone else can give them to you. I’d also recommend really getting to know the PTS, because it lays out very clearly what you are required to do on the checkride (for example you know you’re going to need to teach runway incursions so it’s a good opportunity to be really prepared). I’m sure my last point is most applicable to those doing CFI on their own since you won’t have a school telling you exactly what to expect.
CFII – 1 month, 368 hours TT, $1.3k
CFII was possibly the easiest checkride to prepare for. I did this one in a friend’s airplane – a Mooney with a G750 and GFC 500 autopilot. It probably took about 10 hours of flying (I already have lots of time in this plane) to be ready. For studying, I reviewed Pilot Cafe, YouTube videos, and obtained some lesson plans from a friend. I did not use PowerPoints or anything for this one. I also had already completed the written exam back when I did my instrument rating. I’m not sure what else to say about this one, but I did it with the same DPE again and passed. It feels amazing to be done with checkrides for a while!
~Key takeaways from CFII:~
Select an airplane with a good autopilot. This made the flying portion of the checkride super easy. For the oral, I highly recommend working with instructors who send students for a lot of instrument checkrides. I feel like there are so many very specific questions that DPEs like to ask on instrument/CFII checkrides, so it helps if you have someone who knows what those questions are going to be. Also, FlightInsight on YouTube and Boldmethod were my favorite resources for this one. Lastly, make sure you know your avionics and autopilot really well, including reading and being able to teach all of the limitations that are in the user manuals.
Notes regarding cost:
I did a decent job of tracking all my expenses throughout this process. I noted in the title that the total cost to me was about $50k, which consists of the ~$45k that I discussed above plus some additional expenses. I also did my commercial ASES rating at Jack Brown’s seaplane base which cost me about $2.5K total (of course this was just for fun). The remaining amount consists of things like buying a headset, books, random accessories, and even some things I called “unnecessary expenses”. I temporarily paid for a membership at a flight school that I barely ended up using, so I put that in that category. While I did everything pretty cheap, I was definitely not perfect!
Here is a further breakdown of my expenses:
Airplane rentals/fuel - $36.9k
Instructor fees - $2.5k (bear in mind I got a lot of free instruction from friends & family)
Ground school - $1.3k (includes actual ground school and books)
Flight accessories - $1.2k
Written exam fees - $1.2k (8 exams total)
DPE fees - $5.8k (7 checkrides; this includes seaplane)
Medical fees - $290
Housing - $900
Misc/unnecessary expenses - $1.2k
Total: $51.7k
Overall Takeaways:
- For those doing Part 61/pay as you go, I highly recommend finding an independent instructor with a flexible schedule. This was key for me because I had a work schedule to work around.
- NETWORKING/MAKING FRIENDS. Go to every fly-in you can, always stop into the FBO to say hi to people, etc. etc. Having friends in aviation was monumentally helpful for me and saved me SO much money. Cannot stress this enough!
- If you are on a timeline, make sure you set specific milestones and when you are going to hit them. Make sure your instructor is on board too.
- Do your research! Reddit has been a fantastic resource for me throughout this process. Talk to people who have achieved the things you want to achieve. I really cannot thank you all enough for all your help and insights on your experiences!
Again, I am more than happy to answer any and all questions. I also apologize if anything is jumbled or confusing; this took a long time to write and I’m sure I missed things. I will also disclaim that while I did a good job of tracking all my expenses, I was not perfect and YMMV for sure. I just hope this gave a somewhat helpful picture for those hoping to do something similar to what I did.
As for next steps, I am aiming for the airlines one of these days! I have a couple interviews at flight schools coming up so I am planning to quit my job and finally start flying full-time soon. I want to do my MEI sometime soon as well but I haven’t figured out how I’m going to pay for the PIC time yet.
I also want to say that I absolutely love general aviation and hope to always be involved in it. I have made so many friends, had some incredible experiences, and learned way more than I could have ever imagined in the past year. For anyone thinking about flying, hopefully this is your sign to just do it! Feel free to comment with questions!

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The Unexpected Joys of a Disorderly Life

Embracing the Chaos

Have you ever misplaced your car keys only to find a long-lost sentimental keepsake instead? While the initial frustration of disorder can seem overwhelming, there are surprising joys hidden in the chaos. Even A. A. Milne, the beloved author of Winnie the Pooh, reminds us, “One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.” How can we, as children of God, find deeper meaning in these moments of disorder?

From Chaos to Discovery

Consider the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible (Luke 10:38-42). Martha was busy and somewhat overwhelmed by the disorder of hospitality, while Mary chose to sit at Jesus’ feet, discovering the joy of His presence. Jesus affirmed Mary’s choice, saying, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” This powerful lesson shows us that sometimes, in stepping away from strict order, we find opportunities for deeper connection and spiritual discovery.

The Benefits of Disorder

Here are some ways in which a bit of disorder can be beneficial in our Christian walk:

• It encourages us to be more flexible and adaptable, traits that are valuable in navigating life’s many uncertainties.
• It opens our eyes to hidden blessings and the surprises God places in our path. When we are not rigidly following a plan, we are more open to God’s leading.
• It teaches us to trust God’s timing rather than our own. Proverbs 16:9 says, “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.”

Reflection and Interaction

Take a moment to reflect on your own life. Can you think of a time when a moment of disorder led to a joyful discovery or a blessing from God? How can you open yourself up to these moments more often?
Consider keeping a journal of these discoveries. When you find something unexpected or a new blessing in the chaos, jot it down. Over time, you may find that the disorder you once resented becomes a source of joy and gratitude.

Call to Action

Embrace the unexpected and look for the hidden blessings in your daily life. Share your thoughts or experiences in the comments below. How has a bit of disorder brought joy or a valuable lesson to your day? Your stories could be a source of encouragement for someone else.
Remember, God is with us in both the order and the chaos, using every moment to guide us closer to Him.
If you like this content, please connect with us at: https://BGodInspired.com
Or dig for more answers yourself with our BGodInspired Bible Tools! Be careful – each interaction is like a new treasure hunt… you can get lost for hours 🙂
Source =

I 30 m Swede decided one day roughly two months back I wanted to brush up on my Spanish. I went out on a language exchange app called Speaky and while for the most part the experience was miserable I started talking to a pleasant mexican woman (30). Initially my intentions were purely to learn Spanish, and we had good fun showing small tidbits of our every day life to each other.
She quickly asked to switch to whatsapp, which typically is one of those red flags which you read on every romance scam article. I however didn't mind much because Speaky was full of sleazy eggplant emojis and accounts asking for hookups as well as bots. Besides, at this point I my headspace was that I would never meet this person anyways. There we were chatting as well as doing some video calls. We quickly started chatting every day.
But of course there's more to this story otherwise I wouldn't be writing here. She came across as lightly flirty and I just figured it was good fun and didn't mind (again, I was never supposed to meet this woman). However, things evolved into more explicit proclamations of romantic interest from poth parties involved (another red flag due to the short time that has passed). She also starting sending these really cute messages to me on the regular which I initially thought nothing of but now might consider lovebombing (third red flag).
Eventually talk went to the idea of me going to visit her (Figured I'd do the traveling since I'm from a wealthier country.) That's when, roughly two weeks back, my warning bells went off and all these suspicions came rushing all at once. And I directly confronted her about them.
Now this far down it might seem like a dead ringer for a romance scam, but there is more to it. She has showed me pictures from her university she studied at which seem legit as well as images from her work. She has a substantial amount of followers on social media with certain videos reaching millions of viewers (and from what I've seen no bitter person accusing her of being a scammer or not either). She claims she's from a well off family with roots from Spain and even Germany which she sent me images of. She even sent me photos of an ID (which frankly made me uncomfortable) with the same last name as some of those old (supposedly) family pictures. She has never asked me for money either which she did point out.
This soothed me and perhaps rashly I bought tickets to Mexico shortly after. We continued talking and had fun chatting. After some time we also engaged in some explicit video call activity as well as send NSFW pics to each other. Quite quickly we also talked of future plans (which makes sense if it was legit since just visiting each other would take a big investment) and we both stated we wanted something long term with children and marriage and the whole deal with the idea of her moving to Sweden if all would work out (which could be construed as another red flag as supposedly traditional family warnings is also sign).
I had up to this point mentioned it to a few friends but not to my mother. When I finally did tell her she INSTANTLY went to the idea of it being a scam (she might also be the most cynical person I know). Some time later I worked up the courage (I didn't want her to dislike my mother) to tell my Mexican friend of my mother's reaction and we talked about what we could do about it and decided on me showing my mother what had already been shown to me as well as have them having a video call so my mother could ask questions directly. I talked with my mother and it was decided, however as the day approached my mother said she felt too uncomfortable with idea of the video call so instead she and just had a long talk about the risks both of Mexico in general and romance scams. She painted quite a gruesome picture (she's quite good at it). She also had some questions to send to my Mexican woman.
Passport, home adress, name of her company. She also suggested for me to reverse image search the photos I had been sent, which I did (I just got the social media pictures to no big surprise). She also wanted me to ask for me and my mexican friend to instead meet in Spain as that had been mentioned between us and it would be neutral ground.
Being the mama's boy that I am I obliged. To which my mexican friend got upset, now whether that is from justified disappointment due to my distrust or from manipulation I cannot tell, and she was not keen on traveling to Spain (we had also been talking about my visit to Mexico for a while now), atleast not now, initially. She did however send me photos of her passport and home adress.
She asked what I thought of it all and I said I wasn't sure. It ended with a quite cold conclusion that I needed time to mull things over.
If you've read this far I thank you, wholeheartedly.
Now I sit here with a ticket to mexico (if it isn't used I will consider it an expensive life lesson). A mother who considers Mexico to be the most dangerous place in the world (and me partly agreeing) - my stay would be in CDMX which I've heard is relatively safe.
If I were to travel to Mexico what would be the risks, would they be greater from her knowimg of my coming or they as great if I just traveled alone as a nordic man?
Any other thoughts? Is this a romance scam or not?
Thanks.

It started out like a fairy tale. I work more than 70 hours a week and my friends forced me to create a dating profile. Barely used the app.
Out of the blue I was planning to uninstall the app when I matched with this girl on bumble barely 3 weeks back, way out of my league (I consider myself a 7.5 or 8 on a good day)
From start the conversation was going pretty great (teasing, dirty talks, personal things etc.)
She completed all my check marks like (cute, smart, educated, respects boundaries, a great career, witty, doesn’t live too far, pahadan (don’t hate me), mutual efforts etc etc.)
We planned our first date within a week but was cancelled as she got dengue due to which our date got pushed by 10 days or so but we didn’t lose touch and talked daily.
Finally when she recovered we planned our date for last Sunday which she postponed due to work to Tuesday then Thursday (I was OK bcoz I’ve been in the same shoes). Finally she started ghosting me - not responding to my texts or calls.
I waited patiently for days and finally wrote a strong worded message today confronting what is happening and I need clarity where is this going.
A few hours later she responded and opened up to me that she was diagnosed with clinical depression a while back and her medication causes her really bad mood swings and whole other side effects. she has assured me that she he’ll be more honest and upfront with me now.
I have so many questions right now….
I really care for her and have some much respect and admiration that she opened up to me but with these developments I think a relationship is out of question for now.
I have never felt the way I have felt with her with anyone else but I’m scared. I don’t want her to be another life lesson in my book of regrets.
I have never faced something like this and honestly don’t know how to tackle this.
Thanks for bearing with me who read the whole thing, I might get a lot of hate for this.

Hello once again :D
This is just a topic that has been sometime now in my mind to asses. So here is refutation of this claimed prophecy, and i might not take the "traditional" aproach to it. But i still try to show how ambigous and general the claimed prophecy is.
CRITICAL EXAMINATION OF THE “BEDOUINS TALL BUILDING” PROPHECY
Introduction:
The prophecy attributed to the Prophet Muhammad concerning the construction of towering edifices often interpreted with a focus on contemporary urbanization trends, particularly in the Arabian Peninsula. This critical examination delves into the historical context, socio-economic analysis, and academic perspectives to highlight several weaknesses and inconsistencies in interpreting this as an legit prophecy.
Historical Context and Interpretation:
The hadith frequently cited in this context is found in Sahih Muslim, where it is reported that the Prophet Muhammad said: "You shall see the barefoot, naked, destitute herdsmen competing in constructing tall buildings" [1]. Scholars and believers have linked this prophecy to the rapid urbanization and economic growth of traditionally nomadic societies, like those in the Arabian Peninsula, citing cities such as Dubai and Riyadh with their iconic skyscrapers.
However, it is crucial to understand the context of this hadith. The reference to "barefoot, naked, destitute herdsmen" indicates a dramatic socio-economic transformation rather than merely an architectural trend. Historically, the Arabian Peninsula has experienced numerous cycles of wealth and poverty. The Nabateans, for example, built monumental structures like Petra long before the advent of Islam [2] . Thus, the construction of tall buildings can be seen as part of a broader historical pattern rather than a unique or unprecedented event.
Ambiguity and Vagueness:
One significant issue with using the prophecy of tall buildings is its inherent ambiguity. Tall buildings, defined by their vertical prominence, have existed throughout history. The ancient Egyptians constructed the Pyramids, the Romans built towering structures like the Colosseum, and medieval Europe saw the rise of cathedrals with soaring spires. Each of these could have been interpreted as "tall buildings" in their respective eras.
Moreover, the phrase "competing in constructing tall buildings" is subjective and lacks specificity. While modern skyscrapers indeed represent a competition for height, the human ambition to build higher has been a constant for millennia, driven by technological advancements and urban planning needs rather than a divine signal. Historian Lynn White, Jr. noted that the drive to construct monumental buildings is a universal phenomenon found across various civilizations throughout history [3]. This suggests that the desire to build tall structures is an inherent aspect of human societies rather than a prophetic fulfillment.
Technological and Economic Factors:
The development of tall buildings in contemporary times is primarily driven by technological progress and economic factors. Advances in engineering and materials science have made constructing skyscrapers feasible and cost-effective. Urbanization, population growth, and limited land availability in cities necessitate building upwards to maximize space. These factors are rooted in practical human needs and capabilities, not necessarily in fulfilling a prophecy.
Additionally, globalization has led to significant investments in urban infrastructure worldwide. Cities strive to build iconic structures as symbols of economic power and modernity. This global trend is motivated by economic competition and urban development strategies rather than prophetic fulfillment. Economist Edward Glaeser argues that skyscrapers are a natural result of economic incentives and the need for efficient land use in urban centers [4] .
Prophecy and Self-Fulfilling Nature:
Another critical aspect to consider is the self-fulfilling nature of prophecies. When a prophecy is widely known, it can influence people's actions and decisions. In the case of the tall buildings prophecy, awareness of the hadith could subconsciously or consciously motivate individuals in the Muslim world to engage in constructing tall buildings as a means of economic and social progress. This creates a circular logic where the prophecy appears to be fulfilled simply because people are aware of it and act accordingly.
Theological and Scholarly Perspectives:
Islamic scholars have varied interpretations of prophecies, often emphasizing metaphorical or moral lessons over literal predictions. Prominent Islamic scholar Ibn Khaldun, in his seminal work "Muqaddimah," stressed the importance of understanding the socio-political context of prophetic traditions and cautioned against overly literal interpretations [5]. His insights suggest that such prophecies should be viewed within the broader tapestry of human history and development. Certainly, here is an expanded discussion on the perspectives of scholars regarding the tall buildings prophecy, incorporating various theological and scholarly viewpoints.
Also modern Islamic scholars continue to debate the significance of the tall buildings prophecy. For instance, Dr. Yasir Qadhi, a prominent Islamic scholar, has discussed the prophecy in his lectures, highlighting that it is part of a larger set of signs meant to convey moral and ethical lessons rather than precise future events. He emphasizes that these prophecies should inspire Muslims to reflect on their spiritual state and societal responsibilities rather than to fixate on specific architectural developments [7].
Sociological Implications:
The sociological implications of prophecies, particularly those related to urban development, are profound. The construction of tall buildings in the modern era is closely tied to national pride, economic development, and globalization. Sociologist Saskia Sassen, in her research on global cities, points out that skyscrapers often serve as symbols of a city's status and economic power [6] . This perspective underscores the idea that the proliferation of tall buildings is more about human ambition and progress than fulfilling a divine prophecy.
Additionally, emphasizing tall buildings as a prophecy can have socio-political ramifications. It may influence policy decisions and urban planning in Muslim-majority countries, potentially diverting resources from more pressing social and economic issues. This focus on eschatological signs can also affect public sentiment and behavior, leading to fatalism or a sense of inevitability about the future, which can hinder proactive efforts to address contemporary challenges.
Conclusion:
When scrutinized critically and through an academic lens, the tall building's prophecy reveals significant ambiguities and lacks a concrete basis for being considered a legitimate prophecy.
Historical context, the subjective nature of what constitutes a "tall building," and the technological and economic motivations behind skyscraper construction undermine its reliability as a legit and non-self fulfilling prophecy. Instead, the proliferation of tall buildings should be viewed through the lens of human progress, technological advancements, and urban development, rather than as a prophetic prediction that lacks objective basing.
By examining the prophecy through historical, sociological, and theological perspectives, it becomes clear that the construction of tall buildings is a complex phenomenon influenced by numerous factors beyond the scope of a singular prophetic tradition.
References:
[1] Sunan Ibn Majah 63
[2] Nabateans and the history of Petra: Nabatean Civilization (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nabataeans).
[3] White, Lynn Jr. "The Historical Roots of Our Ecological Crisis." Science, 1962.
[4] Glaeser, Edward. "Triumph of the City." Penguin Press, 2011.
[5] Ibn Khaldun, "Muqaddimah," 1377. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ibn\_Khaldun).
[6] Sassen, Saskia. "The Global City: New York, London, Tokyo." Princeton University Press, 2001.
[7] Qadhi, Yasir. Lecture Series: Shaykh Yasir Qadhi The Signs of the End of Times, pt 1 - Introduction and the Early Fitnas

I'll start with our background. We started dating in our late teens, were both raised very conservative and religious, but have not been for a very long time. Between dating and being married we've been together nearly 20 years. We both only had 1 sexual partner prior from previous relationships that we both thought were mistakes and wish we'd been each other's first. I definitely have a stereotypical guy high libido, but I'd always thought I didn't need a bunch of sexual conquests because I'd be happy just doing all those things with the person I love.
 
Along the way my wife came out as bi. This didn't bother me at all, especially with her stance at the time of "It just means I also find women attractive just like I find some other men attractive, but I'm married and happy with you so that's not something I need act on". She said she'd probably been bi a long time, but took a long time to admit it to herself due to religious upbringing. I also have an unconventional curiosity. Basically I'm a straight guy, but I happen to find dicks attractive at times despite not being attracted to the rest of the male body. About 3-ish years ago she brought up the topic of if she could act on her curiosities with women. She wanted to try making out and maybe playing with boobs, but seemed extremely hesitant at the prospect of anything below the waist. Since she brought that up I asked about if I'd be able act on my curiosity, with a bonus benefit of maybe it being an outlet for me as well with our struggling sex life (at the time she had a very low libido and I'd get rejected 95% of the time when I tried to initiate sex). After discussing we essentially ended up opening the marriage with the boundaries being:

• She couldn't do anything with other men (nor did she want to).
• I couldn't do anything with other (cis) women.
• It would only be for physical fun. Neither of us could have a romantic relationship with someone else. (I knew and told her there was a high probability I would end up feeling neglected/jealous/insecure if I had to share her romantically). So no gf or bf, just a FWB at most.
• She didn't want this to be something that happened frequently.

Now initially I felt completely fine with the prospect of her fooling around with women. I guess it was just kinda the typical male fantasies of 2 women getting sexual together being hot and who knows if that'd potentially lead to a threesome later (though she no gave indication of that being a possibility). She seemed more hesitant at the prospect of me acting on my curiosities, but gave permission since she thought it only seemed fair if she was allowed to act on hers. I started looking after that and ended up finding a pre-op trans woman. This kinda clicked with me since I was attracted to dick, but not male bodies. We met up and she fucked me. Physically things felt good, but the combination of it being my first time having casual sex and it being very unconventional sex made it feel really awkward for me. Afterwards I felt terrible, like I had cheated. When I told my wife I was literally trembling. She was shocked that I actually did it, and said she felt a little weird but that ultimately she was fine with it. I felt better after she wasn't mad or anything. Now a more stereotypical big kink for me is anal, but I've hardly ever got to try it to even know if it lives up to the reputation of the fantasy I've built up of it in my head. My wife had always been super dead set against even trying it, eventually let me try a couple of times after we'd been married for years, but essentially had her mind made up it was going to be terrible before we even got started so that kinda fell flat despite technically getting to try it. I asked if I could try anal with a trans woman since cis women were off the table. She gave me permission, then a small number of weeks later I met up with the same trans woman and fucked her. Despite physically feeling good, it still felt super awkward to me. I basically ended up coming away with the lesson that casual sex isn't all it's cracked up to be and I HIGHLY prefer sex be with someone I'm very emotionally attached to (aka, my wife).
 
I texted my wife at work to let her know right after it happened. Apparently she let out an audible "god dammit" after she read the text. She said she was fine with it but started kinda giving signs that she was uneasy. It seemed like every few weeks she'd ask in a concerned tone if I'd done anything else since then and I'd tell her I hadn't (the truth) and that if I did I'd tell her. I'd still get horny at times, the fantasy would sound more appealing, I'd browse around online some for an opportunity but between people being flaky and me kinda feeling unsure if I should, nothing ever happened again. I'd mentioned to my wife about browsing around some and I can't remember her specific words now but it gave me the feeling she wasn't crazy about it. Eventually I told her I'd basically given up on that and deleted my relevant accounts. Her response was "good", and not long after that she gave me a hug and said she just prefers monogamy. She didn't explicitly say I couldn't do anything else or that the marriage was closed, but it seemed soft closed after that. I'd occasionally fantasize about my stuff, but post nut clarity after porn was basically that the fantasy was more enticing than the reality. She never attempted to search out someone for her curiosity during this time.
 
The beginning of last year my wife got off her birth control that she'd been on for years. A month or two after that her libido started to come back and things have been great. We'd been very fulfilled and don't feel like I need any other outlet. Early this year she mentioned she wanted to try to act on her curiosity now and asked if I was still ok with it. I said I was, and I guess it seemed fair given I got to act on mine before. It was still the same boundaries we set before and she reiterated it'd probably be some infrequent thing. I think she really started in earnest in March. She kissed a friend, but the friend didn't want to go further than that and make things weird. I felt kinda weird, but I still felt fine at that point. Then she started talking to a girl online, met up in public to get to know each other a bit more, gave a kiss goodbye, and had rough plans that when their schedules/privacy aligned they'd meet up for something sexual. I still felt ok at this point, but then my wife started borderline getting obsessed and it started making me more and more uneasy. She hadn't even done anything with this girl yet but was talking about trying to do this every couple of weeks, saying very poorly worded things such as "what does 'romantic relationship' even mean?" (she later clarified on that, but at the time sure felt like she was purposely trying to push on boundaries). When she could tell I was getting uneasy she'd say stuff like "if you pull the plug on this then I won't be happy not getting to explore this part of myself". There were 2 separate times that when her plans with a woman got cancelled she was so distraughtly disappointed that couldn't get back to sleep and had to call in to work because she had horribly under slept.
 
She talks about how I owe her at least 2 times since that's what I got, but she's kissed 5 women since this started, fooled around with 2 of them above the waist, and wanted below the waist too but badly timed periods kept her from that. She says none of that counts towards her 2 times because they weren't full on sex. I want to be comfortable with it for her, but I just can't seem to be anymore. I feel like it'd be dickish to cut her off before her 2 times, but even when I talk to her about the prospect of closing the marriage after her 2 times she can never seem to acknowledge that she could accept that. She just says stuff like "I just really hope you don't" and "I hope we can find some compromise where we can both be happy". She now says I can look for a woman to do anal with. I tried to entertain that idea, but ultimately felt like I just don't want to bother with all that hassle for casual sex (further complicated by a lot of people not wanting to deal with married men, and even more complicated by them needing to be up for anal). She's now mentioned she'd try anal with me some more now if that'll make me ok with her stuff. She does specify that I'm the one she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with and that she's not going to leave me for a woman, but that she wants to explore this part of her sexuality. She's also been very affectionate and sexual with me because she says she doesn't want me to feel like neglected over this. She doesn't explicitly say this, but she acts more like it's a need now instead of a curiosity or want. At this point I'm pretty sure I just want monogamy with her. I want our sex lives to just between us and nobody else being with her like that. I feel like if my curiosity had turned into some big thing I was super excited about to do a bunch and she expressed anywhere near as much turmoil about it as I have then I would've stopped right then and there, or at the extreme least slow walk it until we maybe get on a better page about things.
 
Last weekend she really hurt my feelings. For background, the whole time we've been together she has hardly ever let me go down on her. I always found this strange since women are suppose to love that, but I've got so little experience with it that I don't even know how much I do or don't like doing it. There was one time she let me do it long enough to get her off (though now says she doesn't remember that), and nearly all the other times she stopped me after less than a minute. For the most part I just hardly ever try that anymore since getting shot down so much kinda trains you to not even make attempts very much anymore. I'm also 95% sure a few weeks back while we were discussing things I said I'd be pretty unhappy/hurt if she let a woman go down on her since she pretty much won't let me do that (which she says she doesn't remember me saying). Anyway, she mentioned one of the women wants to meet up again next weekend and that the woman is really eager to go down on her (and my wife implying she was fine with this). I think I was dumbfounded at first, then after I had time to process it I was pretty hurt that she was willing to let a stranger do that when she'd barely ever let me. She was baffled that I was so "hung up" about that. We argued and she eventually said she was fine with me doing that now, wants to do that with me and just hadn't thought about it, and that it'd been about her personal hang ups on it and not about me. I asked if she could just tell the woman not to do that part or say she's not ready for that part yet, but then she was upset that I was "trying to dictate" what she can and can't do when she hooks up. I just really wanted to be the first to explore that properly with her for at least a little while instead of it being with a stranger that's probably far more experienced with it than me (not by my choice). I did get to go down on her for a full session last night, but there's definitely a learning curve when being almost brand new to doing it. I just really wish we could have a month or so to 'get up to speed' on that between ourselves before she's having a stranger do it to her.
 
She says she wants to try to find a compromise where we can both be happy, but it seems like that only means her trying to bribe me but that anything that might limit or slow her down seems to be off the table. I just feel like I'm stuck between the choice of suffering through it, or forcefully shutting it down and her probably being bitter about that, which who knows what other issues that'll cause. I just feel like if the tables were turned and she was this distraught then we'd mutually close the marriage because even if I was disappointed about not getting some fun side activities anymore that I wouldn't want to make her feel terrible or guilty for not wanting it to happen anymore. She does at least say if it came down to it that she'd choose me and the marriage over this, but doesn't know how she'd feel about not being able to anymore. The irony is I'd probably be a lot more likely to be somewhere in the realm of comfortable with her stuff if she felt and expressed anywhere near my level of concern instead of soft bullying me into stopping short of closing the marriage. Since it went downhill my mood about it can vary day to day from anywhere between "not really keen on this" to hating it, upset, and sometimes tearing up. I guess my overall feelings after experiencing this whole situation is monogomy is much simpler and dealing with other sex partners while married is nicer as a fantasy than the actual reality.

( Ich bin übrigens Deutsche also könnt ihr mir gerne auch auf Deutsch schreiben)
I study literature and I have to turn in a profile about somebody. Literally anybody slightly interesting. Normally I wouldn't go out of my way like this for just a homework but the teacher hates me and I already missed like 3 lessons aso I'm planning on really leaving an impact with this one. I can't pay anyone since I literally have zero money but if someone would like to meet up with a stranger and talk about their life or an interesting job they have please write me a message or maybe you can point me in someone's direction !
Thanks

I used to play with my grandmother and Mother when I was young and into teenage years. Grandmother was a low key hustler on the course and while she was an award winning golfer, the old men she schooled only learned that later.
She set me up, as like most kids would be, with minimal clubs. While I had to take some close tees, I could play the course pretty well, for a kid. Fast Forward 25 years, and I'm in a position where I can afford to get back into the game.
I'd like to build a half bag of used clubs and devote this year to getting some mechanics, game theory, and confidence down, and decide what direction to go moving forward.

• Aside from a couple lessons, and a good amount of practice, what can I do to make up for lost time? What's the best way to find a coach/pro?
  
• Is my plan to build an affordable small bag realistic, or will finding a full cheap set really helps? (The nostalgia of carrying just a few clubs in an old leather bag is appealing to me, but realistically I can see needing 7 or 8 clubs, I'd like to not over complicate it)
  
• I'm extremely competitive, what is a realistic score I should be shooting before attempting to get into leagues? Yes I understand handicaps and improving players are assets to teammates.
  
• Any other advice, equipment recs, words of wisdom, jokes at my expense?
  

AITAH? Help please! Me 50 yof and fiancé 47 yof began dating in the fall of 2019. We emotionally connected night one. 2020 was the year of COVID so we couldn’t go out much and spent many days/nights together and every weekend alternating homes due to high school age children in her home and each our own home responsibilities. We live 1 hour 45 min apart but work some days in similar city. Later 2020 she had a stroke and I was there for her and the kids day and night. In the fall of 2020 she proposed. I’m was elated! Very early 2021 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and began the fight of life with treatments ending the end of that December which like an idiot I worked through as I wanted to keep my job. I learned that hard lesson not to ever do that again. We never left each others side and she took tremendous care of me but due to cancer treatment, my low immunity, and COVID still in swing we did spend more time in my home. She somehow maintained both places for us and took care of me. We enjoy the same things and loved spending enormous amounts of time together. Due to past experiences I was not the most open nor was I one to bring up past crap to discuss but she liked and needed that discussion. I began learning to trust and open up more and more with her. We never fought with the exception of a few of her drinking excessively episodes which would become very verbal and an attempt to be physical once but would not never remember any of it. This was obviously a red flag for me and I needed to know that I knew it wouldn’t keep happening so I became not excited about getting married just yet and shut down some. The drinking no doubt became way less but I was uneasy about it still. 2022 I was still dealing with my body, mind, emotions and everything that goes with cancer recovery. I wanted to recover yesterday and just wasn’t there. Also when I had returned to work I was given an extra heavy load which I wasn’t ready for. I was utterly exhausted day and night and found it hard to have a whole lot of conversation about much of anything. I just wanted rest. She would give me articles to read about dealing with cancer, recovery, and such but I didn’t find it relevant to the situation. I went into treatment with a strong fighter mentality and it was finally over! I just needed to feel better. I knew her emotional needs weren’t being met and said things like “please give me more time to heal” which turned into “I can’t heal fast enough for you but I want to badly.” We went on vacation for the first time that summer which we both needed greatly with all we had been through. A communication issue arose and each of us not feeling heard which drinking me decided to walk a long distance back to the hotel while trying not to interact with her. We finished the vacation and had some good times but there was still clearly some raw distance feelings going on. When we returned I left and later when I ask if she wanted all her things and did I returned them. We did continue to talk and were able to resume our relationship. We had talked of moving in together for a long time even before cancer but it was on hold due to one child still being at home and deciding to stay local for college for awhile. We began what we now know to be anxious, her, avoidant, me, vicious cycle. We both knew we were in a bad place but not understanding or knowing how to talk to and with one another which turned out to being me talked about more than with me I felt including strangers on vacation. November 2023 we went to a therapist returning also in December but hadn’t gotten very far with him just yet then with holidays didn’t fit in another session. To late sadly. There were more hurt feelings of her feeling dismissed and me being shut down, we weren’t able to communicate effectively and I didn’t feel safe doing so related to the anxious attachment behavior. She would have a few beers often and the thoughts of would it be to much again were always present for me. She didn’t but it didn’t take away my fear. The anxious attachment reaction to yell and all that goes with it would push me to shut down not feeling safe to talk and the more I shut down the more anxious she became. At the end of the first week of January 2024 I left again. We didn’t speak for 3 weeks until I began reaching out endlessly to reconnect and return to the therapist. We both said the first week apart was like a relief. The second and third week I spent researching any books I could find to understand what was going on and how to repair us which is were I learned about anxious avoidant attachment. I sent the audible book to her and she also went through it. We then reconnected face to face mid March, talking every day, attempting to heal our hurts, and spend time together again. It was so beautiful! I have worked extremely hard to understand my past behavior, take responsibility, ask for forgiveness and talk about how I should have and will now do things differently. We both have. In April she had a set back and withdrew saying her feelings for me weren’t there yet but we would continue talking and date. I am ok with that as it takes time to rebuild trust, heal hurts, and love again and I’m willing to give her all the time she needs. I did learn in April during the midst of our few weeks apart she had a rebound encounter which we talked about and I forgive and will forget because I love her so much and want a life with her. Next thing I know I’m thrown into the friends only zone with the desire to keep talking and texting and eventually spend time together doing things. A couple weeks ago I seen at her son’s graduation she had someone with her (different from the rebound I’m told but both rebounds UAF!) and was being affectionate with. I’m devastated. We have each continued with the therapist separately. I have dug deep within myself to learn and grow and have expressed everything I know to her. She has also made progress learning and growing but says she’s still hurt and can’t get past me leaving and while she acknowledges her anxious behavior and my avoidant cycle, it’s merely that I left. We were not in a healthy, productive place, no ability to effectively communicate before and now we can. I remain to have an unconditional love for her and desire us to be together. She didn’t like when I brought up the word unconditional. How can someone say they now understand, give and accept forgiveness, yet remain apart but desire to remain close friends and spend time together? I admit I’ve not seen or experienced a healthy love life but unconditional to me means just that, e figure it out and grow together. I’ve tried to me angry but I simply can not be that way, it’s not who I am, nor her. Here it is mid May and in a week we fly out of state together for my family’s graduation. She still wants family which I fully don’t understand and request she not plan on being part of family picture that are planned. I’m sure that hurt but shouldn’t we draw a line somewhere? She’s not comfort coming to other family events like baseball games and such saying she isn’t comfortable staying in the other room due to distance of work yet planning to stay in my hotel room next weekend. IF she even goes (me saying this not her). FYI the flight is non refundable. I’m an emotional wreck daily and don’t know how to move past her.

I tried my best to continue breastfeeding and pumping after I finished my very short 7-week maternity leave. My son is now 12 weeks old and my milk supply is shot. I used to get 6oz at a time. I pumped at 11:30 and 2:30 and both times I got one ounce.
I feel like a total failure, like I could've done more somehow. When I tried venting to a childless friend she said "What's wrong, you could always just pump more?" And that hurt because I can't. I plan on continuing until I legitimately don't get any milk.
How do you cope with losing this ability? We were already supplementing Formula before this so my son won't go hungry, per se. But he definitely prefers the milk and it breaks my heart I can't do it for him anymore..
Feels like I'm due for a total mental breakdown. I'm sitting in my preschool classroom while my students nap trying my best not to cry.

I forgot if I posted about this already.
Last summer, I broke up with someone after a serious relationship (wasn’t sad it was mutual).
I decided that for once, I NEED for once in my life to be single and enjoy it. My plan was 1 full year of being single before I find someone (my ideal person) for marriage.
I was super serious and super committed to worshipping myself. I wanted to fall in love with who I am and the god within. I wanted unshakable confidence and self confidence. I wanted a Christ-like aura.
So I got to work.
I became obsessed with myself (inside and out).
Here’s what I did basically:
I took care of my looks to look like someone I considered breathtaking in my personal opinion. I didn’t go to the gym, just makeup and skincare and dressing the part. I did it for ME, I was the main character now and I wanted to dress the part.
I started walking slowly as if I’m a holy being (again Christ-like aura) while doing my self love affirmations confidently (in my head obviously). Whenever I wasn’t talking or thinking, I was affirming (not like a robot, but more with ease, conviction and enjoyment).
I would meditate on self love and self concept morning and night.
Here’s what happened:
Men started obsessing over me, asking me on dates over and over, they would show up out of the woodworks as they say lol, texting me a little too much. I got so annoyed, but also a bit intrigued by the results lol,that I HAD TO DELETE MY SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS AND ARCHIVE ALL MY PICTURES to try and minimize the effects lol. I ghosted a ton of people.
It worked for social media but I still got a lot of attention in real life. I was a rockstar for a while.🤪
This experiment REALLY helped me understand what everyone is YOU pushed out meant.
EIYPO is about YOU not EVERYONE. That’s why owner of this sub always tells you to focus on YOU, to Generate LOVE WITHIN YOU, to be your own SP…
Now something else happened that summer. Even though I was so serious about staying single for a year (lasted 4 months only lol). I was like FINE IF ALL THESE MEN ARE SHOWING UP MAYBE I SHOULD WRITE A LIST OF ALL THE QUALITIES I WANT IN MY FUTURE HUSBAND.
Well guess who I met the very next day ☺️. You guessed it. I met the guy from my list. At first I didn’t care at all because he was just another guy that I didn’t want to date. But after a few conversations he convinced me to go on a date and I fell IN LOVE ON OUR VERY FIRST DATE (him too, we became inseparable instantly)
Now so you guys don’t think I’m a liar or anything, we did break up recently:/ I’m not sad but I have to admit to all of you that I was so in love that I went back to my old habits of focusing on the other person. I made him my whole world and stopped prioritizing myself 🫡. It’s a human thing we all do I guess. When you find someone to love you, it’s like you give them this huge task suddenly, a task that should be your own.
I didn’t become needy in 3d but I definitely was needy energetically and he started prioritizing his work to the point where we would see each other once every week or so …
This post is 100% real guys no scams here I promise .
I’m writing this post to tell you please please please listen to u/ALLISMIND he’s got it figured out and he’s telling you all the truth. I am living proof of this.
Losing my man is also a big lesson to all of us. Do not forget about your self love and self concept once you’re with someone… of you course you need to love them too, but you MUST keep loving and caring about your inner world. It should be a habit like brushing your teeth or better BREATHING.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be back on my routine of self love and self concept. You can find me reading all is mind’s posts from the very beginning (again lol).
As my boyfriend, I’m not worried about him to be honest. If he comes back that would be great, if not I know something wonderful is waiting for me.
Feel free to ask me anything.
Additions/edits: -I forgot to mention that I would turn heads whenever I went with my aura and beauty. I was kind of like Monica belucci in Malena (I would walk very innocently and silently and yet I was always under the spot light even though I wasn’t trying to (again my goal was extreme self love and confidence/not people’s attention and yet it happened)).
-I don’t dress provocatively (meaning no short shorts or boobs out of clothes that are too tight just for context)
-A funny thing that also started happening is my male colleagues also started developing a crush on me 😅 even though they’ve seen me every day for a year lol (especially Joe who still refers to me as “my wife” lol)
-I Re-started focusing my self love and self concept again a few days ago and I’m already seeing results… men started showing interest and asking me out again as well as getting some attention in public (nothing too extreme yet).

TL;DR As a high schooler, I lost 1000$ I've been saving up for months, and I have no idea how to get it back
My journey with gambling started when a few months ago I won 5$ on coin flipping with my friends (were all very drunk), and from then on it became a running joke in our group how talented of a gambler I am.
Fast forward a couple of months, I had the idea of trying sports betting (partially because of my love of football, and partially because of my "reputation" as a gambler) just to see if I would have any luck with that. I put 20$ into it, and after a whole day of betting on matches, I ended up with a staggering 1000$ (yeah, early wins are a recipe for disaster), which then I lost just as fast as I earned it. But the harm was already done, it felt as if my huge success couldn't have been due to insane luck alone, but that I somehow cracked the code with my sports expertise. So it was only a couple of days until I added more money to my account trying to win "back" those 1000$ I never really lost anyway, but a string of losses followed and I was already in the negative so now I just had to earn back my money, get to net 0 and leave it forever, except breaking even wasn't that easy as I kept uploading more and more of my money I saved up and earned from my monthly scholarship at my high school. I just gambled away my last 100$ today trying to make up for the other 1000$ I already lost during my 2 month affair with sports betting.
You might come to me and say it's no big price for a lifelong lesson, but at the end of the day I'm still just a high school senior, preparing for college in autumn, living in a relatively poor Eastern European country where this money would be 2 months wages for the average dude. My parents would kill me if they ever found out about what I did to my savings. It's a beautiful thought that I should just come clean to them and they would understand me, but unfortunately that's far from reality. Our family has no bond at all, we are almost like strangers to each other. I could never ever share a problem of mine with them. That's why I felt (and still feel) like I need to earn it back before they could potentially ask me how much I have saved up from months of scholarships and all the previous money I had, and do it in a way that they couldn't track. Taking up some summer job? They would know about my source of income. Borrowing some from my brother? He is just as broke as me, but instead of gambling, he wastes his money on drugs and alcohol. My friends who know about my gambling don't trust me enough with their money (understandably so) to lend me some so I can show my bank account to my parents if they ever asked about it. I think it's at least understandable why I thought that gambling was the only way out of this hole, but in hindsight this plan was doomed to fail. Do you have any advice?

Hello all -- first time poster here. Sorry for the really long post, I guess part of this is therapeutic for me just to write out.
I've really been struggling recently, as my wife has come to absolutely despise by 67 year old mother, and I'm not sure if there's anything that can fix it.
A little bit of my history. I've always been very close with my family. I grew up in a south Asian household (although I always felt we integrated nicely with a lot of American culture -- both me and my sibling have lived in a large US city our entire lives and consider ourselves American both in culture as well as nationality). However, as in many Asian cultures, respect for elders is extremely important. I always had a parent-child relationship with my parents (meaning that they were in charge, and not interested in being my friend, but rather my mentors and provided invaluable guidance over the years). Both of my parents sacrificed a lot for me and mysibling, but especially my mom who chose to forgo advancing her own career, and to work part time in order to raise my sibling and I. I've always had a good relationship with my mom, although we've had our share of fights over the years (we're both pretty stubborn), but they typically last no more than a 3-5 days on average and then things are completely back to normal. I would say this happens an average of 1-2 times per year at most. I do feel very close with my mom (& my dad as well, but my wife doesn't seem to have any issues with my dad so I'm not focussing on that part). I do believe that much of the success I have achieved in life is directly attributable to the sacrifices my mom made as well as the time she spent raising and teaching me. I have always respected my parents, which is typical of Asian culture. By respect, I mean things like not talking back, valuing their opinions, and trying to make their life easier or happier in small ways (visiting them on weekends, going out to dinner together -- we live roughly 40 minutes apart).
A bit of my wife's history -- she grew up with her parents being divorced from a young age. Both of her parents are wonderful people who I really adore, but they were extremely lenient with her growing up (they were not on top of her with regards to schoolwork, she would talk back to them at times without getting in much trouble, she was able to sneak out of her house as a teen, etc.). These are by no means egregious offenses, and I suspect many kids do the same at that age. However, there was a clear difference in her relationship with her parents -- there was no real enforcement of rules or punishment for breaking rules. Through my lens, it seems that this has manifested as a lack of respect for her own parents, as well as her elders. She mostly has a good relationship with both of her parents, but when she does disagree with them, she talks to them in ways I could never imagine speaking to my own parents (talks back, hangs up on them, etc.). She says that she needs to "put them in their place" at times, which I also find rude. Overall, I would say she grew up much less "family-oriented" than I did, for what it's worth.
My wife is also somewhat of a nomad (mostly not by choice). She moved a few times growing up (within the same state, but different areas), and then went out of state for college, only to leave after 1.5 years and finish at a local state school (in a different state) where her mother lived at the time. Because of this, she has very few close friends, and the ones that she does have are spread out all across the country on different coasts. This is in stark contrast to me. I've been lucky to maintain the same group of friends that I've had since we were 8 or 9 years old. On top of that, most of them have stayed in the same area that we grew up in (where my wife and I now live). I think the lack of a social circle has affected my wife since she moved to my city, but I'm not sure what solution there is for that since there is no city we could live in where she would have a group of close friends or family (her parents live in different states and split time between different states, her 3 closest friends live in 3 different states).
I've known my wife for 8 years and we've been married for 2.5. I love her. She is a great person; she is kind, compassionate, loving, and at her core truly does care deeply about others (though I feel that this does not always come across in the way she talks to her own parents). She's funny, adventurous, and up until recently, I was always happier around her. We were recently blessed with the birth of our son, who is now 11 months old. Our son is the best thing that has ever happened to us, but his arrival seems to have simultaneously strained our relationship in ways I did not anticipate. I knew that the sleep deprivation would be hard, and our lives would change drastically. What I did not envision was a deepening hatred that my wife has developed for my mom.
Prior to the birth of our son, my wife did not have much of an issue with my mom other than thinking she was "needy" for wanting to see myself and my sibling once a week, even if it was just for a dinner (again, we live roughly 40 minutes apart, and my parents are typically willing to drive to us, meet us at a restaurant, or have us over). My mom does tend to be picky with where we eat out (she doesn't eat most meat, and prefers vegetarian options), but that never really bothered me, though it seems to bother my wife that my mom is "getting her way", even though this was at most 1 meal in the week.
I know that my mom can certainly be stubborn and hard to deal with at times, but I know her very well, and I always felt that she was inclusive of my wife, and never did anything that warranted being strongly disliked. The one exception to this was during our son's baby shower. We had planned a large party with a lot of family and friends that my parents hosted (their house is large enough to accomodate a party of that size). During the baby shower, my mom helped arrange catering of food, ordering tables, chairs, tablecloths, and hiring a bartender (my parents also paid for all of this). My wife did not like my mom's taste with regards to tablecloths and chair decorations and she was irritated that my mom wanted to help and be involved in the planning (though to her credit, my wife did not outwardly show this discontent to my mom, though it was certainly made known to me). My wife handled the floral arrangements and other decorative pieces such as a backdrop, and spent a lot of time and effort getting them exactly how she wanted. I kind of sensed that my mom felt that she was being taken for granted and underappreciated by my wife (she did take care and pay for a lot), and my wife felt that my mom was being overbearing with planning, and also felt that my mom was purposefully spiteful (my wife claims that every other member of my family commented on how nice the floral arrangements were, but my mom never did). This culminated in a "fight" where my wife wanted a decorative piece in one part of the yard and my mom wanted it in another part. There was some exchange of words at the time, though I did not witness this. This left my mom feeling that my wife was "disrespectful" and left my wife hating my mom for not honoring her decision about where to place the decorative piece, since this was her baby shower. This led to a very upsetting experience for my wife and I as we really did not enjoy the baby shower at all (although this was not evident to our guests or other family members, as we were able to "fake it"). My wife was particularly upset after the baby shower when we drove home since she felt that it was supposed to be a special day for her, and my mom ruined it, which I mostly agreed with. To her credit, my mom did apologize to both my wife and me the following day, and told us that she had been under a lot of stress with many family members staying at their house, taking care of meals, sleeping arrangements, etc., and her stress got the better of her. I was willing to accept her apology and move on, but my wife has always held a grudge since that time, and feels that the apology wasn't genuine. Again, I've known my mom for a long time and she would rather not apologize at all than do so disingenuously. My wife however insists that she can read my mom better than me, since I'm biased. Nonetheless, we moved forward.
After the birth of our son, my parents and my wife's parents were overjoyed (he is all of their first grandchild). Again, we live near where I grew up so my parents are much closer to us than my wife's parents are. After the birth of our son, my wife's mom rented a place near us for 4 months to help with the baby and chores, etc. I never had any issue with this, even when she would come over multiple times a day, or even unannounced at times (this was not something that bothered me). My parents were (& are) also very eager to spend time with their grandchild, and initially were coming over every other day to see the baby, which then decreased to about twice a week, since he has been 3 months old. My wife has begun having major issues with my parents coming to see our son twice a week now. Perhaps what is most irritating to me is the fact that I anticipated this issue beforehand. I specifically asked my wife when our son was 1 or 2 months old "how often would you be okay with my parents coming to see him?", and her answer was "I would be so happy if it was just twice a week", (which she felt would be a huge improvement over the every other day they were initially coming when our son was a newborn). I assured her that twice a week was very reasonable and she said she'd be happy with that.
Fast forward to now -- my mom comes to visit twice a week for 3-4 hours and my wife says its too much. She says it's suffocating, that she shouldn't have to live her life around my mom seeing our son (which my wife does not, she always tells my mom which days to come, and they are different each week depending on what my wife wants to do), that she feels like she had a kid just for my mom to play with. Again, my mom is never insistent on what days or even times to see our son. She certainly appreciates seeing him regularly, and I always wanted my son to have a close relationship with his grandparents (both sides), as both myself and my wife did growing up. However, my wife's parents do not live near us (and don't come to visit that often). I think this plays a role in terms of her being irritated that my family sees him regularly, but I don't see any solution. Her family is financially able to visit us (very regularly) if they wanted to, but they don't make it a priority. Again, her parents are wonderful people, but they seem to be more interested in their own lives and relationships than they are in forging a deep connection with our son, their grandson (I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, but it's the opposite of my family who really want to be close with their grandson, even if it's at the expense of time with their own friends).
I should also add that for the past 3 years my wife has not worked. This started prior to us getting married. She left her job because she hated it, and I am lucky to be in a position to financially support us on my own. However, she always told me she would (& wanted to) get a job in a field that she was more interested in, though she has never been able to articulate what that field would be (actually she was adamant that she would have a job before we got married). I tried to encourage her to find fields that appealed to her, even advised her to take risks with entrepreneurship, to see if she could make a career out of something she considers a hobby. I've paid for countless courses, certifications, etc. (90% of which she did not complete -- things like real estate certifications, social media certifications, photography lessons, camera lenses, etc.). Furthermore, I paid for her to see a therapist of her choosing for a few months hoping it would help her gain clarity with regards to what she wants to do career-wise (it did not). All in all, I've probably spent in the neighborhood of 7-8K on online courses, certifications, and she does not have anything to show for it. Once we got pregnant, we agreed that she would take on more of a domestic role (which is what she said she wanted as well, I did not force her into this -- and she was also not doing anything else for work anyway). The point I'm making here is not that I feel she needs to work, it is just that she gets to see our son all the time (it's not like she's going to work and handing our son off to my mom). Also, many times my wife will say "Oh why don't you come on Monday" when we see my mom (which my mom will then do). Then Monday rolls around and my wife is texting me at work all day constantly complaining about how my mom is interacting with our son (she doesn't watch him closely enough, or she doesn't put him in his crib to nap, or she feeds him when she's not supposed to, etc.), how long my mom is staying, how she feels trapped in the house when my mom is there, etc. She basically wants my mom to come over for no more than 2 hours and then leave (again we live about 40 minutes apart).
This issue she has with my mom seeing our son a couple of times a week for a few hours, has started to cause bigger and bigger fights between us. Part of me understands that my wife's lack of her own social circle of close friends, and not having family nearby is contributing to her unhappiness with our current situation. But the other part of me can't help but feel like I've done everything in my power to help, and it feels that she is just complaining about my mom because she's unhappy with where she is in life. I have tried helping her find a career that she would like, I have tried telling her she can remain a stay at home mom if she wants, I have tried getting her a therapist to help her work through her issues, I have tried encouraging her to join mom & baby classes to meet new friends (which she now attends, but hasn't made any real friends during them), I have offered to joint local couples meetups with her to meet new friends if that would make her more comfortable, I have encouraged her to invite the few local friends she does have over for dinner or even go out with them while I watch the baby, I have offered to move to a part of the city that is even further from my parents, and I've even offered to move cities altogether to be closer to her own family (although her family does not reside in just 1 city, they split time between a few). I've also told her to voice her issues to my mom and hash out whatever the issues are, but she says my mom will see it as disrespectful and "make things even more awkward" (which may in fact be true, but in that case I've told her we would just see my mom less, which is what she wants anyway...). Each time I suggest something, I feel that it is met with resistance or some excuse as to why it won't work (for instance when I suggest moving cities, she says no because I'll "use that against her" in the future if we fight). I'm just not sure where I can take it from here. I'm sure couples counseling has to be a part of the solution in some way, but I'm not sure what they are going to be able to offer that I haven't already tried.
I guess I'm just looking for advice. My guess is my wife wants me to just straight up tell my mom she can't come over twice a week anymore (but I could see my wife having a problem even if it was just once a week), for no good reason. My mom has no idea my wife despises her, and me just randomly telling my parents they can't come over anymore for no apparent reason would cause a rift between me & them. I love my parents and they're only getting older. They're not going to live forever, and I would feel awful if I told them they just can't come to see their grandson because my wife doesn't like my mom for no particularly legitimate reason.
Thanks in advance to whoever read through this, and for whatever advice you can provide.
TLDR - I feel like I've bent over backwards to make my wife happy but she still has a major issue with my mom that I don't know how to resolve.

Just finished season 1 and utterly confused if im honest. Omni man is the most powerful being on earth as stated in the series (Haven't read the comic), so for hes plan to work he doesn't need a kid. He wiped out the most elite squad of superheroes in what? Maybe 3 minutes? When immortal iirc got resurrected he killed him in a couple of swings again. He shows us that he in fact is the strongest being and no one can keep up with him.
So now to the plan. Why not fly to earth, kill every superhero in the span of a week or two, go the pentagon and respectively the same thing for other countries and destroy it, and then call your buddies. Omni man can single-handedly weaken our planet within days, why the kid? Even if only a couple dozen or hundred others of his kind come to earth to conquer it it would be a piece of cake.
This whole "I can wait another 17 years for a kid", why? Make a kid when the planet is conquered and the kid can grow up among his own kind. I just think that the whole conquer thing is a massive plot hole.
I would also like to ask for spoilers on the comic because i don't think i want to continue with season 2. So can you tell me if the points omni man makes are correct? In the comic does his kind conquer a planet and truly advance the civilization by giving them advanced medicine, advanced technology, stopping wars, solving world hunger... . If that is the case then i also feel like if he just promised the planet longer lifespans without diseases and better technology why wouldn't "we" (humans) be on board with that? If they have a clean track record of not enslaving people then all is fine no? Im asking because of season 2 is omni man lying then it would be cool to see the fights, but if he is actually telling the truth then i think the humans are morons and i wouldn't want to watch a "good guy" be defeated because of pride.

hi! so I'm planning on heading up to NYC to get my gemology degree next year! I have a brief background in geology and metalsmithing (two things I studied at university before dropping out due to COVID, kinda hard to do those over zoom), worked several gem shows, and have worked at two rock/mineral/jewelry shops where I teach classes and run the social media.
In the information for the scholarship it mentions how you can have a portfolio or a second letter of recommendation and I would like advice on what would be better in my case. Getting letters of recommendations wouldn't be hard as I've made close connections throughout my 4 years in the industry. However, I do have plenty of pictures (and physical pieces) of the stones I've cut/jewelry I've made, documents from college projects about various gemstones and minerals, videos from my social media educating people about minerals/gems, lesson plans, and more. What is the portfolio supposed to be like? Is it more of an art portfolio or a sort of pseudo-resume?
Would a portfolio or a second letter of recommendation be better? I really am gunning for that scholarship as I'm already paying back debt from university. I've been worrying over this a lot admittedly!
Thank you so very much, have a wonderful day!!