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2024.05.21 19:52 Normodox YAF Announces Legal Action Against UCLA for First Amendment Violations
Young America’s Foundation is taking legal action against the University of California, Los Angeles, following the institution’s blatant violation of students’ First Amendment rights. Last week, UCLA forced the last-minute cancellation of a planned event featuring Robert Spencer, founder of Jihad Watch.
The pro-Israel event, which was organized by the school’s Young Americans for Freedom chapter, would have provided a voice of reason amidst the chaos of the pro-Hamas encampments and protests–but apparently, reason and common sense are not allowed at UCLA.
Despite previously granting the event approval, UCLA abruptly reversed its decision on the day of the event, blocking YAF staff out of the reserved venue and citing arbitrary security concerns. This action followed weeks of inconsistent and obstructive behavior by the university, which included initially refusing the event, offering insufficient time to promote it, and ultimately shutting it down on the day-of.
James Kerwin, senior attorney at Mountain States Legal Foundation, remarked in a letter to the administration, “UCLA’s actions represent a gross violation of the First Amendment. The university’s conduct handed an unconstitutional ‘heckler’s veto’ to anti-Israel activists and engaged in blatant viewpoint discrimination against pro-Israel messages.”
The letter reminds administrators of their legal obligations to preserve evidence, noting that YAF is working to prepare the lawsuit and intends to file very soon.
YAF’s forthcoming lawsuit aims to hold UCLA and its administrators accountable for their actions, seeking injunctive and declaratory relief, as well as damages.
Kerwin added, “We warned UCLA that it would be held to account if it did not respect YAF’s constitutional rights. We are deeply disappointed that UCLA did not heed this warning. YAF is committed to vindicating its rights and ensuring that such violations do not occur in the future.”
When UCLA’s sister school, UC-Berkeley, used similar tactics to prevent a successful Ben Shapiro lecture in 2017, Berkeley had to pay a $70,000 settlement and rescind its unconstitutional policies.
UCLA administrators were well aware of the Berkeley case, so it’s a bit surprising that they handled this situation so recklessly.
When YAF reminded administrator Pamela Lewis of the Berkeley situation early on in the event planning process, she said, “Yeah, we didn’t appreciate that.”
“We will win our lawsuit against UCLA, just like we won the case UC-Berkeley,” YAF President Governor Scott Walker said during a recent NewsMax interview about the situation. “But the fact of the matter is we shouldn’t have to go to court. Colleges should be places where free expression, where free speech is embraced and revered–and yet it’s most under attack.”
YAF is dedicated to standing up for our students and will continue to fight against any attempts to suppress their constitutional rights. Further updates on this case will be provided as the legal process unfolds.
YAF Announces Legal Action Against UCLA for First Amendment Violations - Young America's Foundation
submitted by Normodox to BeneiYisraelNews [link] [comments]
The pro-Israel event, which was organized by the school’s Young Americans for Freedom chapter, would have provided a voice of reason amidst the chaos of the pro-Hamas encampments and protests–but apparently, reason and common sense are not allowed at UCLA.
Despite previously granting the event approval, UCLA abruptly reversed its decision on the day of the event, blocking YAF staff out of the reserved venue and citing arbitrary security concerns. This action followed weeks of inconsistent and obstructive behavior by the university, which included initially refusing the event, offering insufficient time to promote it, and ultimately shutting it down on the day-of.
James Kerwin, senior attorney at Mountain States Legal Foundation, remarked in a letter to the administration, “UCLA’s actions represent a gross violation of the First Amendment. The university’s conduct handed an unconstitutional ‘heckler’s veto’ to anti-Israel activists and engaged in blatant viewpoint discrimination against pro-Israel messages.”
The letter reminds administrators of their legal obligations to preserve evidence, noting that YAF is working to prepare the lawsuit and intends to file very soon.
YAF’s forthcoming lawsuit aims to hold UCLA and its administrators accountable for their actions, seeking injunctive and declaratory relief, as well as damages.
Kerwin added, “We warned UCLA that it would be held to account if it did not respect YAF’s constitutional rights. We are deeply disappointed that UCLA did not heed this warning. YAF is committed to vindicating its rights and ensuring that such violations do not occur in the future.”
When UCLA’s sister school, UC-Berkeley, used similar tactics to prevent a successful Ben Shapiro lecture in 2017, Berkeley had to pay a $70,000 settlement and rescind its unconstitutional policies.
UCLA administrators were well aware of the Berkeley case, so it’s a bit surprising that they handled this situation so recklessly.
When YAF reminded administrator Pamela Lewis of the Berkeley situation early on in the event planning process, she said, “Yeah, we didn’t appreciate that.”
“We will win our lawsuit against UCLA, just like we won the case UC-Berkeley,” YAF President Governor Scott Walker said during a recent NewsMax interview about the situation. “But the fact of the matter is we shouldn’t have to go to court. Colleges should be places where free expression, where free speech is embraced and revered–and yet it’s most under attack.”
YAF is dedicated to standing up for our students and will continue to fight against any attempts to suppress their constitutional rights. Further updates on this case will be provided as the legal process unfolds.
YAF Announces Legal Action Against UCLA for First Amendment Violations - Young America's Foundation
2024.05.21 19:09 zimmer550king Do teachers effectively control your future in German high schools?
I read this comment under a Facebook post and I am posting it here verbatim. I have been here for 1.5 years and just want to get the opinion of Germans. The guy who wrote this comment grew up in Germany as a Muslim of South Asian background. Reading this definitely scared me as it appears that high schools in Germany are racist and teachers can effectively block you from a good future by giving you bad grades intentionally.
How true is the guy's comment? I would especially love to hear from Germans who grew up here and have a migration background.
submitted by zimmer550king to AskAGerman [link] [comments]
the second generation doesn't make it. You can analyse it yourself. Look how successful kids of your friends are. Most of them will be put in real schule or hauptschule. The few who still make it to Gymnasium. They are downgraded back to Realschule after a few years. Only a small portion gets Abitur and a very tiny portion gets the Abitur with good grades.The German culture especially at schools associates less intelligence with colored people. So since the teachers control your life and future. They can give you the grade whatever they want. It doesn't matter what you got in your exams. School is hell. Especially if its a pure gymnasium. To show you how powerful a teacher can be. If you get 100% in a maths exam the teacher has the power to reduce it to 50% and they do it.I will be honest, reading that a high school teacher can just slash a student's grade in Germany out of no where is scary. The guy who made this comment is now in the UK after growing up in Germany. He basically wants people of immigrant background to not have kids here as there is widespread racial discrimination in schools as compared to the UK.
I personally struggled a lot at school. Teachers are basically dictators. My sister struggled a lot. E.g in case of my sister she said as a Muslim she doesn't wanna go on Klassenfahrt. The teacher didn't like it and became her enemy and made sure she doesn't get any good grade to go to med school. They made her life hell. Luckily to go to med school you have to get good grades in the TMS. Its a state test it counts 50%. In this test no one knows your name. No one knows if you wear hijab. You are just a number. So she was in top 5% of whole Germany. Which allowed her to go med school. At Unis the life is much better because profs are not racist and they don't have the power to control your future. The school atmosphere is so harsh that most colored kids gets demotivated and just give up. It is one of the reason why yoh don't see many successful 2/3 generation people.
The bulk went to school in Pakistan studied there did master here doesn't speak german got a job as software engineer. The bulk doesn't understand the problems their kids will go through. Most of their kids will not successful. Because they have to go through the school system. Many desi parents still force their kids to get Fachabitur which is low level Abitur and they study history, social sciences or at Fachhochschule to please the parents. In the most of them drop out.
How true is the guy's comment? I would especially love to hear from Germans who grew up here and have a migration background.
2024.05.21 18:42 arckadventure Wake Me Up From This Nightmare
I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.
submitted by arckadventure to BreakUps [link] [comments]
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.
2024.05.21 18:38 arckadventure Wake Me Up From This Nightmare
I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.
submitted by arckadventure to Infidelity [link] [comments]
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.
2024.05.21 18:30 yelpvinegar The 7 Types of Startup Founders: Why It Matters To You
What’s the #1 thing every founder needs to know?
I’ll give you a few minutes to make a list — top of mind might include sales, marketing, technology, product management (especially product-market fit), technical skills, fundraising, team building, leadership, management, finance, and planning/executing strategic growth and scaling.Sure… but, sorry, none of that is the correct answer. Because, of course, you know that founders typically are expected to be jacks of all trades. So yes, to all of the above, but that’s not the secret sauce.
The #1 thing every founder needs to know is… themself.
Here’s the truth: founders start companies, and entrepreneurs build them. While not every entrepreneur is a founder (think franchise owners), every founder is an entrepreneur (at least initially).
If you’re like me, you are a forward-obsessed founder. That means where you are now is always building toward where you want to go. That person is always an entrepreneur. Once the company is started, you’ll do what it takes — including relinquishing control — to keep it growing.
Does that sting? We founders think of our companies as our babies, but statistics say we’re likely to be the ones kicked out of the nest. Also, research shows that in the US, only 14 out of the top selling 500 companies still have the original founder running the company. And the Harvard Business Review reports that most founders relinquish control long before their companies go public — and that four out of five are forced to step down as CEO.
It doesn’t have to be that way if you have one critical attribute: self-awareness. That way, you can decide as your company grows how you want to evolve your role in the overall day-to-day running of the company (i.e., learn, delegate, hire, move on). And ultimately, you can make better choices at critical growth junctures in your business progression.
So, to help you become more self-aware, it’s helpful to understand the different types of founders. Let’s dive in.
The Types of Founders
A couple of notes before we get into specifics:- Much like any other classification, there are gray areas, so you (and many of the examples I share in this article) may fit into more than one category.
- Some traits are common to all founders, such as being open to innovation, passionate about their project, risk-takers, etc. But some founders excel or even over-index in certain attributes, so that’s what you’ll see in the different types.
1. The Solo Founder
Traits:- Fiercely independent
- Self-assured
- Strong belief in their vision/idea
- Business strongly tied to skill set and experience
- Resilient (i.e., can withstand feelings of loneliness)
- Freedom
- Complete control
- Learn a lot
- Solo-founded companies statistically have a higher failure rate
- Harder to raise money/VCs are more reticent
- Health impacts: burnout, loneliness, etc.
- Attention is divided because you wear all the hats (marketing, sales, building your product, finances, fundraising, prospecting for new customers, etc.)
- Complete responsibility for all aspects of the business
Ten years ago, in 2012, when she was just 38, Sara Blakely became the world’s youngest self-made female billionaire. Her business, built on a significant industry gap (the lack of comfortable, effective shapewear) and her incredible sales hustle, also benefited greatly from Blakely’s abundant self-awareness. Here’s her advice to solo founders at a 2020 business conference:
“I tell people as soon as you can afford to hire your weaknesses, do it… As soon as I could afford to hire someone to do more of the operations side of the business, I did. As an entrepreneur, one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is to stay in your lane.”In other words, know what your Green Zone is and play there.
If you’re like Blakely, it’s usually big ideas and sales ability (she could easily qualify as a Visionary Founder, too) or operations and execution (what Blakely realized she needed help with).
Pro tip: If you’re a solo founder, you’ll likely want to lean into an entrepreneurial framework like the Entrepreneurial Operating System (EOS) to help you define and settle into which side you skew toward.
2. The Visionary Founder (or Co-founders)
Traits:- Driven by a big idea
- Disruptive — recognizes opportunities to upend traditional norms
- Focused and clear
- Persistent
- Natural salesperson
- Can see the big picture
- Collaborative (esp. In co-founder scenario)
- Motivated by the impact they have — more than $$ alone
- Passionate about their work
- Aren’t easily derailed — failures are expected, and mistakes are not made twice
- Inspired leadership
- So focused on the big picture that they may miss important details
- A visionary idea doesn’t automatically = visionary leadership
- Disconnected from reality at times
- Easily bored when the mundane takes priority
- May not plan succession well
- Unrealistic expectations
- Poor communication
Considering that Steve Jobs’ name is pretty much synonymous with “visionary,” I don’t think I need to list more than the products and industries Jobs’ revolutionized at Apple and beyond — Apple Computers, iPod (iTunes), iPad, iPhone, Pixar, iCloud — with many products and points in between. George Lucas, from whom Jobs bought the Graphics Group at Lucasfilm and renamed it “Pixar,” perfectly summarizes his superpower:
“The magic of Steve was that while others simply accepted the status quo, he saw the true potential in everything he touched and never compromised on that vision.”Steve Wozniak was the technological yin to Jobs’ sales and marketing yang, bringing the vision of a computer with a graphic interface to life. From the visionary files, “Woz” also invented the first programmable universal remote and was an early innovator of wireless GPS (thanks to his clever dogs who routinely evaded electronic fences).
3. The Serial Disruptor
Traits:- Varied interests & capabilities
- Easily bored — desires variety and change
- Optimistic
- Extremely innovative
- High threshold for pain
- Accepting of failure
- Self-reliant
- Diverse capabilities
- Bold vision
- Motivated by the impact they have — more than $$ alone
- Variety of experiences
- Flexibility and freedom
- Diversification
- Tons of opportunities for creative expression
- Greater earning opportunities
- Disrupts industries
- Attracts high-quality talent
- High risk
- Difficulties finding trustworthy partners/can get stuck helming something when you want to move on
- Multitudes of people reliant on you
- Divided focus
- Ego-driven pursuits
Like him or loathe him, Elon Musk is perhaps the most prolific (and successful) serial founder of all time with startups including Tesla, SpaceX, The Boring Company, and Neuralink, among others. His drive to design opportunities to evolve humanity has redefined both hustle culture and the art of serial entrepreneurship.
For serial founders, having a set of principles is key to their success. In Musk’s case, his use of “first principles” — reducing a process to its essential parts — has served him well, from helping him figure out how to make rockets cheaper and reusable (SpaceX) to shifting the narrative of electric vehicles (Tesla).
4. The Engineer
Traits:- Engineer by experience and nature
- Technically savvy
- Able to problem-solve technology-driven issues (not just with the product but also operations-wise)
- Strong desire to not just innovate but also to accelerate progress
- Expansive vision of how technology can solve common problems
- Level-headed
- Agile, fast learners
- Focused on execution
- Pragmatic approach
- Own technology
- Problems are solved quickly
- Able to employ technology to reduce time to market
- Solutions for products can become new products in their own right
- Not well versed in other crucial areas (i.e., sales, marketing)
- Over-index on having lower Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
- Because they can learn quickly, so may get stuck playing outside of the green zone
Much like the other examples I’m sharing, Mark Zuckerberg’s story has been widely told, so you probably know about his development of Facebook. But at his core, Zuckerberg is an engineering prodigy and geek. At just 13 in 1997, he built “ZuckNet,” which enabled the family’s home computers to communicate via Ping (a precursor of AOL’s Instant Messenger) with his father’s dental office computers. He was using AI in his senior year in high school, so the roots of his Meta(verse) focus today are apparent.
A common weakness for engineers is they tend to have a lower EQ, which has been well-researched. As a former engineer, I understand how logic and technology come easier than understanding human behavior. This is why tech founders should seek out mentors early and bring in competent leaders with high EQ and leadership skills — for example, Zuckerberg credits his former COO of 14 years, Sheryl Sandberg, for turning the company into a multi-billion dollar company.
5. The Personality Founder
Traits:- Charismatic and gregarious
- Attracts a vast audience
- Influential
- Ambitious
- Forward-thinking
- Inwardly motivated (responds to a “calling”)
- Excellent storytellers
- Authentic and honest (ideally 😉)
- Has a built-in audience and established social platforms
- Likely has pre-existing wealth (can help fund the business/mitigate startup money woes)
- Can use their power for good; disruptive in a positive way
- Needs to find the right people to trust
- Can’t just be the “face” of the business; needs to accrue real business chops
- Celebrity and influence status don’t equal quality products
- Difficult or impossible for the founder to leave
I’m using Oprah as an example, as her products are an outgrowth of her — her eponymous talk show, which ran for 25 years, the OWN network, O Magazine, her book club, and a variety of charitable endeavors comprise her vast empire. But of course, we know plenty of other personality brands that have racked up billions in sales and even transformed, from the Kardashians/Jenners, to Bethany Frankel and Ryan Reynolds (just watch Deadpool 3 to see his brands — coming in 2023).
In today’s age of influence, we’ve seen a surge of personality brands and founders who leverage built-in audiences and communities to scale quickly. All these names are business mavericks in their own right, but many didn’t start out this way — they deftly utilize their charisma and ability to entertain to shape their brands and pave the way to success.
6. The Accidental Founder
Traits:- Independent
- Resourceful
- Necessity-driven
- Follow their desire/passion
- Creative
- Willing to take risks
- A deep belief in what they’re doing
- Solves real-world problems based on personal experience
- Discover they’re much happier running their own show
- Turns skills, vocation, or avocation into a profitable business
- May not have the business chops
- Reluctant business person — may not actually want to run their own business
- Needs to find the right people to trust
- Overwhelm
Patagonia founder Yvon Chouinard has been in the news lately for giving away his company to fight climate change. He’s an OG accidental entrepreneur whose passion for rock climbing led him to develop reusable pitons (rock climbing spikes) and, later, heavy-duty shirts. Famously Chouinard called himself a “dirtbag climber” and didn’t want to become a business mogul. Sixty-five years later, this accidental founder’s company is valued at $3 billion, and his latest innovation is a way of giving away the profits of a company to continue his contribution to society — protecting and preserving the natural world.
As I always say, there are riches in the niches, and accidental entrepreneurs are the leading type of founders to discover a marketplace with little or no competition.
7. The Intentional Founder
Traits:- Purpose-driven
- Strong ideals and values
- Passionate about the bigger picture impacts
- Socially conscious
- Clear and focused on the brand mission
- An empathetic approach to the product/the company
- Can educate, empower, and motivate others (i.e., team, customers)
- Employees are statistically more satisfied and likely to stay
- Commitment to a higher ideal engenders more loyalty and trust with the general public (customers)
- Moving from individual ideals to a group effort is tricky
- Difficult to find employees with perfectly aligned values
- Might not have the business experience to set the organization up for long-term success
- Purpose-driven (belief) isn’t the same as purpose-enabled (capability)
- Might be challenging for the company to survive the loss of the founder
While Jessica Alba does have some touches of a Personality Founder (she is an actor) and an Accidental Founder (an allergic reaction to detergent made her worry about her new baby’s sensitive skin), she is an excellent example of an intentional founder. Back in 2008, when Alba had that allergic reaction, influencer marketing wasn’t what it is today — plus, she had some success but was by no means a household name. Ditto for eco-conscious consumer packaged goods — a plus, sure, but didn’t have the same urgency and importance it does today. Alba then spent years researching ingredients in everyday products and even went to DC to lobby for updates to the 1976 Toxic Substances Control Act. Convinced that consumers need safe, affordable, environmentally friendly products for kids and home, Alba launched The Honest Company in 2011.
Now, she did have seasoned co-founders, her own wealth to use out the gates, and VC support shortly after that, but it has always been Alba’s commitment to and alignment with the brand’s core principles that have kept the brand growing and thriving — today, as a publicly traded company with a 2021 $412.8 IPO.
What type of founder are you? Definitely feel free to share in the comments.
2024.05.21 16:56 Terrible-Property541 “Ikaw raman sab naa” (ikaw lang kasi ang andyan)
That fucking ruined me!
We met through egames, siya una nag approach. We played for hours for weeks, til he asked for my fb acc. He used his dummy acc kasi daw banned ang main nya. So ig that wont matter since friendly chat lang naman. Nag continue na usapan namin there until napunta sa seggs. I have shared mine and sa kanya rin. He’s so friendly and fun naman even though may na sesense akong kakaiba sa kanya kasi minsan lang siya mag online. Pero his reason was kelangan niya daw mag focus sa study kasi exam week. As we progress, he’s flirting on me na, eh ako naman go lang din. Keso, I blocked him kasi ayoko magka gusto sa kanya kasi may ex siya at umabot sila 5years lol. I’m too unstable. After a month, nag add siya. Sa messenger ko lang pala siya na block, so inaccept ko siya and inunblock. We chatted again, he’s trying to get me to have sex with him, even nung di ko pa sa na block. Now, pumayag na ako, sex lang naman eh, hindi ko naman siya gusto or what. So first meet namin here sa place ko, d kami nag seggs, he’s there to hangout lang or siguro nahihiya pa. He said nung nag cchat palang kami na he’s a mining engrng student, and now nung nag kita kami he said geodetic daw. He lied, but he reasoned out na he wanted to be mysterious daw wtf. I asked him if kilala niya ba yung friend ko na geo engr din, and he paused… and said “nope”. Ff… the next two days, we fcked. I kept asking him kung may jowa ba siya, sabi niya wala daw. But I really feel na may something eh. Then, the next day after our last meet, I decided to end things with him because I realized na mabilis pala ako ma attach kahit na diko gusto ang tao pero basta nagparamdam lang ng affection, mababaliw na ako kakahanap. That night, he’s with his friends drinking. He got drunk, pero nag cchat pa rin kami cause he doesnt want to end it. Suddenly, nag send siya sakin ng “baby sleep na ako”, “sleep na rin ikaw.” Wtfffff, we never had any callsign nor any sweet gesture or whatsoever. Pero d ko yun pinansin. He then said na uuwi na daw siya at matutulog dun sa dorm niya, dretso daw sa dorm kasi baka d niya mapigilan at dito sa place ko sya mapunta. And I jokingly said, “mag sseggs na naman”. Hahahaa and his response was “ikaw lang naman kasi ang andiyan eh”. I instantly blocked him on facebook. And dun na ako nagka interest sa real identity niya. I only know his first name and his school, but of course, that would be enough for me. And hahaha, truelalo, may jowa nga ampota.
Ayoko ko na sa hookup culture. Mahalin niyo nalang ako
submitted by Terrible-Property541 to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]
We met through egames, siya una nag approach. We played for hours for weeks, til he asked for my fb acc. He used his dummy acc kasi daw banned ang main nya. So ig that wont matter since friendly chat lang naman. Nag continue na usapan namin there until napunta sa seggs. I have shared mine and sa kanya rin. He’s so friendly and fun naman even though may na sesense akong kakaiba sa kanya kasi minsan lang siya mag online. Pero his reason was kelangan niya daw mag focus sa study kasi exam week. As we progress, he’s flirting on me na, eh ako naman go lang din. Keso, I blocked him kasi ayoko magka gusto sa kanya kasi may ex siya at umabot sila 5years lol. I’m too unstable. After a month, nag add siya. Sa messenger ko lang pala siya na block, so inaccept ko siya and inunblock. We chatted again, he’s trying to get me to have sex with him, even nung di ko pa sa na block. Now, pumayag na ako, sex lang naman eh, hindi ko naman siya gusto or what. So first meet namin here sa place ko, d kami nag seggs, he’s there to hangout lang or siguro nahihiya pa. He said nung nag cchat palang kami na he’s a mining engrng student, and now nung nag kita kami he said geodetic daw. He lied, but he reasoned out na he wanted to be mysterious daw wtf. I asked him if kilala niya ba yung friend ko na geo engr din, and he paused… and said “nope”. Ff… the next two days, we fcked. I kept asking him kung may jowa ba siya, sabi niya wala daw. But I really feel na may something eh. Then, the next day after our last meet, I decided to end things with him because I realized na mabilis pala ako ma attach kahit na diko gusto ang tao pero basta nagparamdam lang ng affection, mababaliw na ako kakahanap. That night, he’s with his friends drinking. He got drunk, pero nag cchat pa rin kami cause he doesnt want to end it. Suddenly, nag send siya sakin ng “baby sleep na ako”, “sleep na rin ikaw.” Wtfffff, we never had any callsign nor any sweet gesture or whatsoever. Pero d ko yun pinansin. He then said na uuwi na daw siya at matutulog dun sa dorm niya, dretso daw sa dorm kasi baka d niya mapigilan at dito sa place ko sya mapunta. And I jokingly said, “mag sseggs na naman”. Hahahaa and his response was “ikaw lang naman kasi ang andiyan eh”. I instantly blocked him on facebook. And dun na ako nagka interest sa real identity niya. I only know his first name and his school, but of course, that would be enough for me. And hahaha, truelalo, may jowa nga ampota.
Ayoko ko na sa hookup culture. Mahalin niyo nalang ako
2024.05.21 16:36 veronicat69420 MIL and SIL make me feel like I'm back in 7th grade!
To preface: my MIL and SIL have always been kind to me in person. They have not always put out the most welcoming vibes, but they have never said or done anything mean to my face. Overall, I enjoy their company and think they are good people. That's why I'm so confused!
I have been with my partner for 2.5 years. We live together, we have met each other's families on numerous occasions, and we have pets together. Our lives are inextricably intertwined at this point. We're in it for the long haul.
Which is why I thought it wouldn't be a big deal if I friended my MIL and SIL on Facebook. I've connected with them on other social media platforms, but I know they are both big FB users, and I figured if we're all FB friends we can get to know each other's pasts a little better via the internet.
Tell me why neither my MIL or SIL has accepted my friend requests??? It has been over a week! I know for a fact they both use FB daily, so this snub is deliberate. What is so precious about their Facebook profiles that I am not allowed to see??? It all just seems so crazy to me because:
submitted by veronicat69420 to JUSTNOMIL [link] [comments]
I have been with my partner for 2.5 years. We live together, we have met each other's families on numerous occasions, and we have pets together. Our lives are inextricably intertwined at this point. We're in it for the long haul.
Which is why I thought it wouldn't be a big deal if I friended my MIL and SIL on Facebook. I've connected with them on other social media platforms, but I know they are both big FB users, and I figured if we're all FB friends we can get to know each other's pasts a little better via the internet.
Tell me why neither my MIL or SIL has accepted my friend requests??? It has been over a week! I know for a fact they both use FB daily, so this snub is deliberate. What is so precious about their Facebook profiles that I am not allowed to see??? It all just seems so crazy to me because:
- this is the bare minimum of connection - I'm not asking for the three of us to go on an extended girls' trip or something
- accepting a friend request takes less than three seconds
- they have known me for over two years at this point!
2024.05.21 15:42 kylesweather Pixel 8 ongoing modem Issues, Google refuses to acknowledge
I am one who truly hates these "I'm out of here" and "going back to iPhone" posts, but I also don't see any posts that actually address the modem issues with the Pixel 8. Similar, reaching out to Google is like pulling hair. I've managed to get one "supervisor" to admit the issue was present and that they're "working hard to fix it", but Google's go-to is always warranty swap.
We have 3 Pixel 8s in the house, and it was sometime earlier this year that we identified many calls were not coming through to our handsets. Our son would send us a message on Facebook saying "tried to call, just silence then voicemail". We'd go to call him back and our phones would just hang. We would have to toggle airplane mode on and off, then be able to make/receive calls.
To be fair, we do live on the fringe of cell service, but this was never (and still isn't) an issue with the kids in our house with iPhones.
I set up some testing using an automated platform, dispatching an automated call at the top of every hour to the 3 Pixel 8s in our house. About 1/3 of the tests failed, with the calls either hanging (silence) or directly to voicemail - in some cases, it was 10-20 seconds of silence, then voicemail. In some cases, the incoming call would not ring, but be marked as a missed call, then the actual call would come in behind it seconds later.
When the calls did reach the handset, incoming calls made the phone go from 5G to LTE then 3G, and back to 5G. We forced the phones into LTE, then tried this test again, but still, they downgraded to 3G.
I also did similar with SMS, but they were all delivered either instantly or within 30 seconds.
I'm not going to fully rule out the network here, but the iPhones in the house can handle the exact same cell network with no issues. I suspect we are a small percentage, but still a percentage.
The real kicker was following the two April updates, the Pixels were suddenly dropping the WiFi connection, too. I'd get an email and notice my phone didn't go off, only to see the WiFi icon was gone, cellular was dormant, and my saved home WiFi network was disabled due to bad connectivity. Again, airplane toggle on and off fixed both. iPhones maintained their connection. For these reasons, we can't use WiFi calling, either.
So, these modems clearly can't handle fringe/edge cellular connections. Google has admitted this is a problem. A quick search on Reddit, which Google support refuses to acknowledge, shows I am not alone.
What now, Google? Do we just wait? Do I keep this Pixel support going until it really burns me, like a 911 call that doesn't go through, or a call from the school that our son is violently ill and needs to come home?
Where do we draw the line? I'm not your beta tester. Our lives aren't your test group.
I'd love an actual response from Google, but I won't hold my breath.
Carrier is Rogers/Located in Ontario, Canada
submitted by kylesweather to GooglePixel [link] [comments]
We have 3 Pixel 8s in the house, and it was sometime earlier this year that we identified many calls were not coming through to our handsets. Our son would send us a message on Facebook saying "tried to call, just silence then voicemail". We'd go to call him back and our phones would just hang. We would have to toggle airplane mode on and off, then be able to make/receive calls.
To be fair, we do live on the fringe of cell service, but this was never (and still isn't) an issue with the kids in our house with iPhones.
I set up some testing using an automated platform, dispatching an automated call at the top of every hour to the 3 Pixel 8s in our house. About 1/3 of the tests failed, with the calls either hanging (silence) or directly to voicemail - in some cases, it was 10-20 seconds of silence, then voicemail. In some cases, the incoming call would not ring, but be marked as a missed call, then the actual call would come in behind it seconds later.
When the calls did reach the handset, incoming calls made the phone go from 5G to LTE then 3G, and back to 5G. We forced the phones into LTE, then tried this test again, but still, they downgraded to 3G.
I also did similar with SMS, but they were all delivered either instantly or within 30 seconds.
I'm not going to fully rule out the network here, but the iPhones in the house can handle the exact same cell network with no issues. I suspect we are a small percentage, but still a percentage.
The real kicker was following the two April updates, the Pixels were suddenly dropping the WiFi connection, too. I'd get an email and notice my phone didn't go off, only to see the WiFi icon was gone, cellular was dormant, and my saved home WiFi network was disabled due to bad connectivity. Again, airplane toggle on and off fixed both. iPhones maintained their connection. For these reasons, we can't use WiFi calling, either.
So, these modems clearly can't handle fringe/edge cellular connections. Google has admitted this is a problem. A quick search on Reddit, which Google support refuses to acknowledge, shows I am not alone.
What now, Google? Do we just wait? Do I keep this Pixel support going until it really burns me, like a 911 call that doesn't go through, or a call from the school that our son is violently ill and needs to come home?
Where do we draw the line? I'm not your beta tester. Our lives aren't your test group.
I'd love an actual response from Google, but I won't hold my breath.
Carrier is Rogers/Located in Ontario, Canada
2024.05.21 15:01 Lunax101 Is she narcissistic or just a bad mom?
Hi all,
This is actually my first post on here. A little about myself I’m the eldest daughter (23yrs) in a brown household (love that for myself). I swear if I could be born again I’d love to be the youngest of the family (even thought I guess if someone’s narcissistic it doesn’t truly matter whether you’re the eldest or youngest)
Anyway, I’m currently in a country and I’m moving to the states and my mum and lil brother are staying there with my dad atm. My sister (18yrs) is busy with the most important exams of her high school(she’s in her last year) and me and my brother(he’s 22) just finished our university exams so we’re free! It’s just us 3 in this country rn and our flight back is in 30 days and we both need to sell all the extra stuff in the house that didn’t come with our rented house. We also need to pack all our clothes etc and clean this house.
So far I’m the only one who’s been working on selling stuff on Facebook marketplace and cleaning out cabinets in the kitchen and the garage etc. my brother spends the entire day on his computer playing games or watching anime. I don’t hate my brother but sometimes I get really close to it. If I was his mom I swear he would’ve long been disowned. He’s the most unclean person alive (he never cleans his own bathroom, he leaves his dishes in his room for me to come collect and clean, never picks up his own dirty clothes I have to do his laundry, I even had to clean his shoes after he went out yesterday simply because i couldn’t stand how dirty they were) I like to stay clean and keep the house clean too. The only reason he even leaves his room is to eat (Ofcourse I’m the one cooking)
The issue is my parents have both simply given up on him at this point which he uses to his advantage even more. He’s living his best life, goes out with his friends and doesn’t lift a finger in the house.
Despite all this my mum still calls me and gets mad at me for doing things too slowly and not putting everything up on Facebook marketplace quickly enough?! I’ve already sold two items on there but it takes a while to make sure the person coming to our house isn’t a creep. Yet, every time she calls all she talks about is how I’m not taking things seriously, how I’m so lazy, how I’ll pay for the flight tickets if I don’t sell everything beforehand. We needed to renew a card for travelling and there’s a long wait time on it (3 months) which I still applied for despite the wait but yesterday I found out that I could request it earlier if it’s an emergency with the flight details. However rather than being happy or thanking me for finding this out my mum simply gave out since I should’ve found this earlier and it’s my fault if we don’t get an appointment quickly enough.
My friends are all travelling and doing their own things in life and since this week is the last week they’re free they asked me to hang out but I can’t even tell my mom that “hey can I pls hang out with them one last time” because I just know she’ll flip. I’m so stressed about this whole situation and I literally feel so numb and sad all the time. I’m not a social person either but I wanna go out just to change my environment. I know so many people have it worse but ah I wish i could catch a break.
Even when I finally get to the states I know my parents are expecting me to work as soon as I get there. I just want a week off. Just to live my own life in peace and not stress about anything. What would you do if u were in my position?
submitted by Lunax101 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
This is actually my first post on here. A little about myself I’m the eldest daughter (23yrs) in a brown household (love that for myself). I swear if I could be born again I’d love to be the youngest of the family (even thought I guess if someone’s narcissistic it doesn’t truly matter whether you’re the eldest or youngest)
Anyway, I’m currently in a country and I’m moving to the states and my mum and lil brother are staying there with my dad atm. My sister (18yrs) is busy with the most important exams of her high school(she’s in her last year) and me and my brother(he’s 22) just finished our university exams so we’re free! It’s just us 3 in this country rn and our flight back is in 30 days and we both need to sell all the extra stuff in the house that didn’t come with our rented house. We also need to pack all our clothes etc and clean this house.
So far I’m the only one who’s been working on selling stuff on Facebook marketplace and cleaning out cabinets in the kitchen and the garage etc. my brother spends the entire day on his computer playing games or watching anime. I don’t hate my brother but sometimes I get really close to it. If I was his mom I swear he would’ve long been disowned. He’s the most unclean person alive (he never cleans his own bathroom, he leaves his dishes in his room for me to come collect and clean, never picks up his own dirty clothes I have to do his laundry, I even had to clean his shoes after he went out yesterday simply because i couldn’t stand how dirty they were) I like to stay clean and keep the house clean too. The only reason he even leaves his room is to eat (Ofcourse I’m the one cooking)
The issue is my parents have both simply given up on him at this point which he uses to his advantage even more. He’s living his best life, goes out with his friends and doesn’t lift a finger in the house.
Despite all this my mum still calls me and gets mad at me for doing things too slowly and not putting everything up on Facebook marketplace quickly enough?! I’ve already sold two items on there but it takes a while to make sure the person coming to our house isn’t a creep. Yet, every time she calls all she talks about is how I’m not taking things seriously, how I’m so lazy, how I’ll pay for the flight tickets if I don’t sell everything beforehand. We needed to renew a card for travelling and there’s a long wait time on it (3 months) which I still applied for despite the wait but yesterday I found out that I could request it earlier if it’s an emergency with the flight details. However rather than being happy or thanking me for finding this out my mum simply gave out since I should’ve found this earlier and it’s my fault if we don’t get an appointment quickly enough.
My friends are all travelling and doing their own things in life and since this week is the last week they’re free they asked me to hang out but I can’t even tell my mom that “hey can I pls hang out with them one last time” because I just know she’ll flip. I’m so stressed about this whole situation and I literally feel so numb and sad all the time. I’m not a social person either but I wanna go out just to change my environment. I know so many people have it worse but ah I wish i could catch a break.
Even when I finally get to the states I know my parents are expecting me to work as soon as I get there. I just want a week off. Just to live my own life in peace and not stress about anything. What would you do if u were in my position?
2024.05.21 12:45 LeLittleGirl My Best friend and her messy engagement
Today, I finally put on my altered dress for my (23f) best friend's (24f) engagement party. Although I look beautiful in it and I am feeling myself, I keep having flashbacks and flashfowards of what can go bad.
We met on facebook when we were both in high school and clicked, despite having bad opinions about each other. We had plenty of common things to talk about, and I honestly admired her for how intelligent and well spoken she is. Although, she always was the kind that had her mind set on an ideal when it came to relationships that resulted in a very toxic dynamic between her and her partner. When her partner didn't satisfy her, she would go cold and never said what was wrong. Instead, she was venting to me. That made our friendship toxic. She would constantly cheat emotionally on her partner with me. Things escalated quickly, and we actually caught feelings for each other. I started to be her actual lover, and I felt guilty about it. At some point, we were in a relationship, too. It was a short and bad one that put our friendship on a pause.
4 years later, I decided to reconnect with her because I thought that I wasn't going to waste a good friendship in a bad relationship, and it was a very good decision. We were both healthier, and now we had a better dynamic, too. I talked to her about my boyfriend ( 25m) and our love story. Long story short, he is my soulmate. I am convinced about that. No relationship compares to this one. I told her about how fast we had to move on because of our circumstances and how nice it is to live with him, and she understood. She is happy with our relationship and wishes us the best. Not so much later, she met her current fiancé (25m). He was quite intimidated by me, he told that to my face but we clicked well. That's until we found out that he is quite dodgy. He is a womanizer who decided to "settle" and fell for her quickly. He also is the kind to search for the most dodgy jobs just to make a bit more cash, that he spends quickly on god knows what. He saw everything. Drugs, prostitution, robberies, death, etc. Not only that, but he is cocky about never being caught, too. I thought they were an odd pairing since she is the independent, level-headed but introverted big sister that took no shit from anyone, but whatever. We didn't want to judge. They moved on quickly with their relationship, even quicker than me, and my boyfriend did. They got engaged in 8 months, and three months later, she is pregnant, too. Their engagement lasted only 6 months, and next month, they are getting married. Because a wedding is quite expensive for them right now, they decided to skip the church wedding and only do the official documents and do an engagement dinner party with their close family and friends. Oh boy, the organization is a mess.
First, they asked us to be their godparents but quickly changed their minds after their parents realized that me and my boyfriend are not married, which is a big problem with the church but not with the documents. I wanted to point that out to them since they are not going to be wedded in church but whatever. Ever since we were in high school, she promised me that I would be her godmother to her wedding. It was disappointing, but I knew that I needed to be flexible. Second, she wants her guests to dress more elegantly for the event. Her fiancé and my BF got a bit fussy that they couldn't wear jeans and Hawaiian shirts, but we quickly changed their minds. But this transitioned to the third problem. I had to get my dress pretty early into the engagement so we could save some money. I got a nice dress for my budget: a midi mint dress with puffy veil sleeves and crochet flowers motifs that enhanced my bosom. I checked with her if the color and the model were ok, and she said that she was happy with it... Until she got her dress. She decided to dress in a way more layed back style and get a white cotton beach dress. It's incredibly simple, and my boyfriend described it to be a sack of potatoes in comparation to what I was wearing. Not only that, but it was 5 times more expensive than mine. This was a problem. I didn't want to overdress or upstage the bride to be, so I got another dress that's more laid back, the one that I am currently wearing so my mom could alter her a bit. Fourth, they keep changing the dates, and that got everyone annoyed because it messed with the free work days. Fortunately, this was resolved, and now they have a date that's set in stone. The organization is quite messy, too. BF had the condition that he didn't want to drive in the city, so he would drink, something that can't happen because they have many guests and not enough cars. We live far away from them, in a suburban area. There is a 5 hour drive between us and besides them, we don't know anyone in their city. They offered us a free room ( baby's future room) but even that is uncertain. Fifth, they are not the most stable couple. Her fiancé gets mad and jealous quite easily. He used to fight with her when she wears more make-up than usual or she was too indiferent to his flirting. She is the kind of woman who never wears her emotions, and that drives him nuts. She did open up slowly to him, but it's too slow for his pace. Not only this, but he has a high-sexual drive while her's is low. He gets very fussy when they don't get to have regular sex. When she got pregnant, the gyno told her to stop sexual relations for a while, so the baby stays in place. He said that he can't stop having sex for his own health, and it is quite unfair. She hit him with an ultimatum that if he made her abort it, she would never have kids with him again. That made him settle, at least for a while. He is also the kind that wants a boy, so he could continue his "legacy." If that didn't make it clear for what kind of person he is, then I don't know what more can I tell you. Also, the both of them hinted that me and boyfriend should get pregnant too, so our children could be best friends just like us. We quickly shut it down with "With what money?Plus, we are not mentally prepared for it". Which brings us to the sixth problem, and I and BF are not in a stable money situation like they are. BF used to be overworked and paid badly while I couldn't work right now. He did get to change his job for a better one, which is a huge relief. I wanted to work, I wished to, but bestie and her fiancé keep wanting to have vacations with us twice a year. No workplace would be able to give me that many holidays, which I know is unfair. That's the country we live in. Because of this, for the last year, we were on a tight budget that couldn't allow any more changes.
Besides these problems, there are many more things like family drama and other money problems. Because of the constant change, me and boyfriend are stressed and this got us in an argument. First being about my dress and then about the couple that couldn't understand our money problems. Me and bf resolved it, but he has some good points. The organization is as messy as their future marriage.
I apologize if I've made grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
submitted by LeLittleGirl to Vent [link] [comments]
We met on facebook when we were both in high school and clicked, despite having bad opinions about each other. We had plenty of common things to talk about, and I honestly admired her for how intelligent and well spoken she is. Although, she always was the kind that had her mind set on an ideal when it came to relationships that resulted in a very toxic dynamic between her and her partner. When her partner didn't satisfy her, she would go cold and never said what was wrong. Instead, she was venting to me. That made our friendship toxic. She would constantly cheat emotionally on her partner with me. Things escalated quickly, and we actually caught feelings for each other. I started to be her actual lover, and I felt guilty about it. At some point, we were in a relationship, too. It was a short and bad one that put our friendship on a pause.
4 years later, I decided to reconnect with her because I thought that I wasn't going to waste a good friendship in a bad relationship, and it was a very good decision. We were both healthier, and now we had a better dynamic, too. I talked to her about my boyfriend ( 25m) and our love story. Long story short, he is my soulmate. I am convinced about that. No relationship compares to this one. I told her about how fast we had to move on because of our circumstances and how nice it is to live with him, and she understood. She is happy with our relationship and wishes us the best. Not so much later, she met her current fiancé (25m). He was quite intimidated by me, he told that to my face but we clicked well. That's until we found out that he is quite dodgy. He is a womanizer who decided to "settle" and fell for her quickly. He also is the kind to search for the most dodgy jobs just to make a bit more cash, that he spends quickly on god knows what. He saw everything. Drugs, prostitution, robberies, death, etc. Not only that, but he is cocky about never being caught, too. I thought they were an odd pairing since she is the independent, level-headed but introverted big sister that took no shit from anyone, but whatever. We didn't want to judge. They moved on quickly with their relationship, even quicker than me, and my boyfriend did. They got engaged in 8 months, and three months later, she is pregnant, too. Their engagement lasted only 6 months, and next month, they are getting married. Because a wedding is quite expensive for them right now, they decided to skip the church wedding and only do the official documents and do an engagement dinner party with their close family and friends. Oh boy, the organization is a mess.
First, they asked us to be their godparents but quickly changed their minds after their parents realized that me and my boyfriend are not married, which is a big problem with the church but not with the documents. I wanted to point that out to them since they are not going to be wedded in church but whatever. Ever since we were in high school, she promised me that I would be her godmother to her wedding. It was disappointing, but I knew that I needed to be flexible. Second, she wants her guests to dress more elegantly for the event. Her fiancé and my BF got a bit fussy that they couldn't wear jeans and Hawaiian shirts, but we quickly changed their minds. But this transitioned to the third problem. I had to get my dress pretty early into the engagement so we could save some money. I got a nice dress for my budget: a midi mint dress with puffy veil sleeves and crochet flowers motifs that enhanced my bosom. I checked with her if the color and the model were ok, and she said that she was happy with it... Until she got her dress. She decided to dress in a way more layed back style and get a white cotton beach dress. It's incredibly simple, and my boyfriend described it to be a sack of potatoes in comparation to what I was wearing. Not only that, but it was 5 times more expensive than mine. This was a problem. I didn't want to overdress or upstage the bride to be, so I got another dress that's more laid back, the one that I am currently wearing so my mom could alter her a bit. Fourth, they keep changing the dates, and that got everyone annoyed because it messed with the free work days. Fortunately, this was resolved, and now they have a date that's set in stone. The organization is quite messy, too. BF had the condition that he didn't want to drive in the city, so he would drink, something that can't happen because they have many guests and not enough cars. We live far away from them, in a suburban area. There is a 5 hour drive between us and besides them, we don't know anyone in their city. They offered us a free room ( baby's future room) but even that is uncertain. Fifth, they are not the most stable couple. Her fiancé gets mad and jealous quite easily. He used to fight with her when she wears more make-up than usual or she was too indiferent to his flirting. She is the kind of woman who never wears her emotions, and that drives him nuts. She did open up slowly to him, but it's too slow for his pace. Not only this, but he has a high-sexual drive while her's is low. He gets very fussy when they don't get to have regular sex. When she got pregnant, the gyno told her to stop sexual relations for a while, so the baby stays in place. He said that he can't stop having sex for his own health, and it is quite unfair. She hit him with an ultimatum that if he made her abort it, she would never have kids with him again. That made him settle, at least for a while. He is also the kind that wants a boy, so he could continue his "legacy." If that didn't make it clear for what kind of person he is, then I don't know what more can I tell you. Also, the both of them hinted that me and boyfriend should get pregnant too, so our children could be best friends just like us. We quickly shut it down with "With what money?Plus, we are not mentally prepared for it". Which brings us to the sixth problem, and I and BF are not in a stable money situation like they are. BF used to be overworked and paid badly while I couldn't work right now. He did get to change his job for a better one, which is a huge relief. I wanted to work, I wished to, but bestie and her fiancé keep wanting to have vacations with us twice a year. No workplace would be able to give me that many holidays, which I know is unfair. That's the country we live in. Because of this, for the last year, we were on a tight budget that couldn't allow any more changes.
Besides these problems, there are many more things like family drama and other money problems. Because of the constant change, me and boyfriend are stressed and this got us in an argument. First being about my dress and then about the couple that couldn't understand our money problems. Me and bf resolved it, but he has some good points. The organization is as messy as their future marriage.
I apologize if I've made grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
2024.05.21 12:13 lorcan-mt Dustin Luca Leaving Salem News
Posted on his Facebook page that he is moving to a Communications job at SSU. Thanks for everything Dustin!
On Sept. 11, 2001, a series of terrorist attacks set me on a path to do three things: to correct misinformation as a life goal, to enter a field that in some way improves people’s understanding of their world, and to earn bipartisan respect in how I do it.
I’ve written an untold number of stories across 23 years and been taken to places new and old, familiar and fresh. I've interviewed rock legends, presidential candidates (well... one), and along the way met unforgettable sources ranging from a baby battling neuroblastoma to an elderly Lawrence woman growing a potato in her apartment and naming it like a son.
Of course, this path has had its drawbacks. I was told early on that “being a reporter doesn’t pay well,” and that I was entering a “dead industry” fresh from its collapse in 2008. But, after my first time talking to a doggie daycare that made the Today Show and becoming friends with a cat, I realized the career also paid in memories... amply... and there’s really no place I’ve worked that has created more memories for me than Salem. It’s the beat I’ve worked the longest as a reporter; the most recent Halloween marked my 10th in the city.
It also marked my last.
On Oct. 24, seven days before Halloween, I turned 40. I did so without having yet saved any money for retirement, and while working at least 70 hours per week at two to three jobs for the last several years. The combined paychecks still put me a good bit below median household income for the area — something that comes to mind every time I see a comment online that talks about how people should try living where they can afford to.
There's also a dark side to journalism that has emerged in the last half-decade, one that I’d argue doesn’t get enough attention. It’s one of the few industries that is entirely private while also being fully public-facing — journalists are effectively public officials, without the protections and benefits of being public officials. We take a lot of shots from readers, some of whom would delight in us being out of the job and financially destroyed, and we just chuckle and move on with our day.
For the dark side, there’s also the light. In some parts of the real world, journalists are thanked for their service as if we’re active military. I’ve been compared to nurses working the pandemic, held up as a leader stabilizing a maligned society, and invited to share my perspective and experiences with high school classrooms, podcasts, even Boy Scout troops.
Being a reporter pays well in the memories you collect along the way (thankfully they aren't subject to a tax). To that end, I’ve at times felt wealthy for having the privilege of covering a city like Salem — even with its dark underbelly actively arguing that I shouldn’t have a job or be allowed to exist.
With this double-edged sword equipped for so long, I knew I’d put it down at some point. When thinking about the kind of job it would take to leave the news industry, I found there was really only one that kept coming up in my mind: an opening in Communications at my Alma Mater, UNH. That would honestly be a dream... a position like that opening at a college campus I knew so well. To my fortune, that exact position opened in my backyard toward the end of 2023, on a college campus I know just as well as UNH — if not better.
In early June, I’ll be switching careers as I assume the role of Associate Director of External Communications at Salem State University.
I loved my college experience and always joked that if I won the lottery, I'd go back to school and get a degree in physics, do something nutty with string theory. But really, there’s something about the college environment where I’m most comfortable: everybody is there to learn and grow, and, from each graduate, society receives an opportunity for transformation. The feeling you get walking through a space like that can't really be replicated anywhere else... At least that's the fuzzy feeling I get when walking onto a college campus.
It’s hard to imagine leaving the only world I’ve known professionally and no longer covering the city I love, but I’m not going that far. I’m still working in the same beautiful city and would love for you to say “hey” when you see me out doing whatever. You may also see my byline from time to time, and I think I'd even like to continue doing “the spreadsheet” each night polls are open.
But, for now, this bro is going off the record to go back to school.
submitted by lorcan-mt to SalemMA [link] [comments]
I’ve written an untold number of stories across 23 years and been taken to places new and old, familiar and fresh. I've interviewed rock legends, presidential candidates (well... one), and along the way met unforgettable sources ranging from a baby battling neuroblastoma to an elderly Lawrence woman growing a potato in her apartment and naming it like a son.
Of course, this path has had its drawbacks. I was told early on that “being a reporter doesn’t pay well,” and that I was entering a “dead industry” fresh from its collapse in 2008. But, after my first time talking to a doggie daycare that made the Today Show and becoming friends with a cat, I realized the career also paid in memories... amply... and there’s really no place I’ve worked that has created more memories for me than Salem. It’s the beat I’ve worked the longest as a reporter; the most recent Halloween marked my 10th in the city.
It also marked my last.
On Oct. 24, seven days before Halloween, I turned 40. I did so without having yet saved any money for retirement, and while working at least 70 hours per week at two to three jobs for the last several years. The combined paychecks still put me a good bit below median household income for the area — something that comes to mind every time I see a comment online that talks about how people should try living where they can afford to.
There's also a dark side to journalism that has emerged in the last half-decade, one that I’d argue doesn’t get enough attention. It’s one of the few industries that is entirely private while also being fully public-facing — journalists are effectively public officials, without the protections and benefits of being public officials. We take a lot of shots from readers, some of whom would delight in us being out of the job and financially destroyed, and we just chuckle and move on with our day.
For the dark side, there’s also the light. In some parts of the real world, journalists are thanked for their service as if we’re active military. I’ve been compared to nurses working the pandemic, held up as a leader stabilizing a maligned society, and invited to share my perspective and experiences with high school classrooms, podcasts, even Boy Scout troops.
Being a reporter pays well in the memories you collect along the way (thankfully they aren't subject to a tax). To that end, I’ve at times felt wealthy for having the privilege of covering a city like Salem — even with its dark underbelly actively arguing that I shouldn’t have a job or be allowed to exist.
With this double-edged sword equipped for so long, I knew I’d put it down at some point. When thinking about the kind of job it would take to leave the news industry, I found there was really only one that kept coming up in my mind: an opening in Communications at my Alma Mater, UNH. That would honestly be a dream... a position like that opening at a college campus I knew so well. To my fortune, that exact position opened in my backyard toward the end of 2023, on a college campus I know just as well as UNH — if not better.
In early June, I’ll be switching careers as I assume the role of Associate Director of External Communications at Salem State University.
I loved my college experience and always joked that if I won the lottery, I'd go back to school and get a degree in physics, do something nutty with string theory. But really, there’s something about the college environment where I’m most comfortable: everybody is there to learn and grow, and, from each graduate, society receives an opportunity for transformation. The feeling you get walking through a space like that can't really be replicated anywhere else... At least that's the fuzzy feeling I get when walking onto a college campus.
It’s hard to imagine leaving the only world I’ve known professionally and no longer covering the city I love, but I’m not going that far. I’m still working in the same beautiful city and would love for you to say “hey” when you see me out doing whatever. You may also see my byline from time to time, and I think I'd even like to continue doing “the spreadsheet” each night polls are open.
But, for now, this bro is going off the record to go back to school.
2024.05.21 12:07 EdmundEe Stunning Renovated 4-Room HDB Flat Blk 139 Jalan Bukit Merah 109 sqm Low-Floor Unit
Welcome to this beautifully renovated 4-room HDB flat located at Blk 139 Jalan Bukit Merah! This spacious 109 sqm unit on a low floor offers a perfect blend of modern living and convenience. Join us as we take you on a tour of this stunning home!
Features:
Spacious Layout: 109 sqm of well-utilized space, perfect for families.
Modern Renovations: Stylishly updated interiors with quality finishes.
Low Floor: Easy access and added convenience.
Bright and Airy: Ample natural light and ventilation throughout the unit.
Well-Connected Location: Close to amenities, schools, and public transport.
Highlights:
Living and Dining Area: Open-concept design with elegant flooring and a cozy ambiance.
Kitchen: Fully equipped with modern appliances and ample storage space.
Bedrooms: Generously sized, perfect for relaxation and rest.
Bathrooms: Sleek and contemporary fittings for a refreshing experience.
Nearby Amenities:
Shopping: NTUC FairPrice, Tiong Bahru Plaza, and more.
Education: Within close proximity to reputable schools.
Transport: Convenient access to major bus routes and MRT stations.
Don't miss this opportunity to own a beautifully renovated home in a prime location! Watch the full video tour to see more of this amazing HDB flat. Like, share, and subscribe for more property tours and updates!
https://youtu.be/BnpK2vcLZZU
🌟 Stay Safe & Stay Focused Always Here For You 🌟
Best regards,
Edmund Ee
PropNex Associate Branch District Director
Co-Founder of PropertyNet.SG
Whatsapp Me: https://wa.me/6598343222
Find out more about me: https://edmundeerealtor.com
Connect with me on Social Media:
📘 Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/EdmundEe
📺 YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@EdmundEeRealtor
🎵 TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@edmund.ee.realtor
🐦 Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/edmundeerealtor
📸 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/edmundeerealtor
🔗 LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/edmund-ee
submitted by EdmundEe to u/EdmundEe [link] [comments]
Features:
Spacious Layout: 109 sqm of well-utilized space, perfect for families.
Modern Renovations: Stylishly updated interiors with quality finishes.
Low Floor: Easy access and added convenience.
Bright and Airy: Ample natural light and ventilation throughout the unit.
Well-Connected Location: Close to amenities, schools, and public transport.
Highlights:
Living and Dining Area: Open-concept design with elegant flooring and a cozy ambiance.
Kitchen: Fully equipped with modern appliances and ample storage space.
Bedrooms: Generously sized, perfect for relaxation and rest.
Bathrooms: Sleek and contemporary fittings for a refreshing experience.
Nearby Amenities:
Shopping: NTUC FairPrice, Tiong Bahru Plaza, and more.
Education: Within close proximity to reputable schools.
Transport: Convenient access to major bus routes and MRT stations.
Don't miss this opportunity to own a beautifully renovated home in a prime location! Watch the full video tour to see more of this amazing HDB flat. Like, share, and subscribe for more property tours and updates!
https://youtu.be/BnpK2vcLZZU
🌟 Stay Safe & Stay Focused Always Here For You 🌟
Best regards,
Edmund Ee
PropNex Associate Branch District Director
Co-Founder of PropertyNet.SG
Whatsapp Me: https://wa.me/6598343222
Find out more about me: https://edmundeerealtor.com
Connect with me on Social Media:
📘 Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/EdmundEe
📺 YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@EdmundEeRealtor
🎵 TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@edmund.ee.realtor
🐦 Twitter - https://www.twitter.com/edmundeerealtor
📸 Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/edmundeerealtor
🔗 LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/edmund-ee
HDB #JalanBukitMerah #RenovatedFlat #PropertyTour #SingaporeProperty #RealEstate #HomeTour #4RoomFlat #LowFloorLiving #PrimeLocation
2024.05.21 10:50 Apprehensive_Mood_85 THANK YOU BISHOP!!!!
A few weeks ago, I felt dejected upon seeing my results for the USTET and ACET, both were my dream schools but unfortunately I didn't get in. I hoarded the past posts of people in Tomasino and the ateneo sub especially in the megathread in hopes I may be able to get myself reconsidered, from getting details such as the formatting to understanding the purpose, contents, and such of the reconsideration letter which I was able to make at least a week after the results were released. There was this one particular comment though which set me interacting with people of prestige and that involved the letter of endorsement.
The comment detailed how his friend was able to get into UST after talking to a Dominican Priest whom she was able to show her masterful works. That drove me into actively looking for priests to talk to myself. I didn't know anyone, nor did I know the process, but I was ready, I was ready to be interviewed, ready to show my works, ready to endorse myself to whomever was willing to help me in my endeavor, which also involved helping my friend attain a letter of his own. I asked my church friends if they knew any, and even joined religious groups on facebook to see if I could get into contact with anyone and after a while in passivity, a church leader friend messaged me. Apparently, he knew a Dominican friar and so, I pleaded with him which I really didn't have to given we were close and he was really willing to help. After detailing my situation, he set us up with the said friar in the Sto. Domingo church.
Fast forward to a week later, we were able to have an insightful conversation with him, but unfortunately he said he couldn't help our situation but recommended me to go into UST to talk to the priests there, or as an alternative which my aforementioned church leader friend and a priest from the church endorsed, approach the bishop of Cubao himself. I do admit that the meeting demoralized me, and I went home rather broken but a good sleep, short conversation with a friend whom I was also helping get into UST, and Miki Matsubara's Mayonaka No Door later, and I'm back in the game. I wrote a letter to the bishop for the both of us and asked his hand in endorsing us, especially that we were alumni in the school that housed the seat of the Diocese with weights to carry. Honestly, I wasn't really able to pour my heart and soul into that letter, unlike my reconsideration letters for ADMU and UST which I worked on in a computer shop for better focus, and I thought it wasn't written that well, but I gave what I could give, and was ready to face the uphill process I thought it was going to face. It helped that we had a late mother's day dinner to seal the day too.
A day later, I went to the obispado and gave the letter to the guard with whom I conversed with again after an errand in school regarding my DLSU grades form. He told me to come back yesterday and I did, unfortunately, still nothing but this time the different person on the desk asked me for my contact details. I was optimistic, and was willing to wait even more, but I didn't think it would be as quick as one day later. This morning, at least hours after I had once again checked my emails for updates, they called and told me to return. I was excited, and rushed to leave. "This is it" I thought. "We finally got an endorsement letter!" The guard enthusiastically gave them to me and the sister, whom I assume was Bishop's secretary, asked me to check if it was alright to avoid any issues and after reading the short but meaningful contents, I was happy.
My happiness was fanned further by seeing the K-Wave canned coke finally arrive in the Philippines after having it in Osaka.
Although right now time and slots are our enemy, being endorsed by the bishop is a good thing, a relatively big milestone, and a good impression I suppose to both universities run by Catholic orders. I didn't get any letters from either the Jesuits or Dominicans, but I am happy I got to meet with the latter in the quest for España and Katipunan. Thank you so much bishop!!!!
I suppose this deserves a little celebration 'no?
submitted by Apprehensive_Mood_85 to OffMyChestPH [link] [comments]
The comment detailed how his friend was able to get into UST after talking to a Dominican Priest whom she was able to show her masterful works. That drove me into actively looking for priests to talk to myself. I didn't know anyone, nor did I know the process, but I was ready, I was ready to be interviewed, ready to show my works, ready to endorse myself to whomever was willing to help me in my endeavor, which also involved helping my friend attain a letter of his own. I asked my church friends if they knew any, and even joined religious groups on facebook to see if I could get into contact with anyone and after a while in passivity, a church leader friend messaged me. Apparently, he knew a Dominican friar and so, I pleaded with him which I really didn't have to given we were close and he was really willing to help. After detailing my situation, he set us up with the said friar in the Sto. Domingo church.
Fast forward to a week later, we were able to have an insightful conversation with him, but unfortunately he said he couldn't help our situation but recommended me to go into UST to talk to the priests there, or as an alternative which my aforementioned church leader friend and a priest from the church endorsed, approach the bishop of Cubao himself. I do admit that the meeting demoralized me, and I went home rather broken but a good sleep, short conversation with a friend whom I was also helping get into UST, and Miki Matsubara's Mayonaka No Door later, and I'm back in the game. I wrote a letter to the bishop for the both of us and asked his hand in endorsing us, especially that we were alumni in the school that housed the seat of the Diocese with weights to carry. Honestly, I wasn't really able to pour my heart and soul into that letter, unlike my reconsideration letters for ADMU and UST which I worked on in a computer shop for better focus, and I thought it wasn't written that well, but I gave what I could give, and was ready to face the uphill process I thought it was going to face. It helped that we had a late mother's day dinner to seal the day too.
A day later, I went to the obispado and gave the letter to the guard with whom I conversed with again after an errand in school regarding my DLSU grades form. He told me to come back yesterday and I did, unfortunately, still nothing but this time the different person on the desk asked me for my contact details. I was optimistic, and was willing to wait even more, but I didn't think it would be as quick as one day later. This morning, at least hours after I had once again checked my emails for updates, they called and told me to return. I was excited, and rushed to leave. "This is it" I thought. "We finally got an endorsement letter!" The guard enthusiastically gave them to me and the sister, whom I assume was Bishop's secretary, asked me to check if it was alright to avoid any issues and after reading the short but meaningful contents, I was happy.
My happiness was fanned further by seeing the K-Wave canned coke finally arrive in the Philippines after having it in Osaka.
Although right now time and slots are our enemy, being endorsed by the bishop is a good thing, a relatively big milestone, and a good impression I suppose to both universities run by Catholic orders. I didn't get any letters from either the Jesuits or Dominicans, but I am happy I got to meet with the latter in the quest for España and Katipunan. Thank you so much bishop!!!!
I suppose this deserves a little celebration 'no?
2024.05.21 10:07 Bruce_Africa No phone or social media apps.
I am deleting reddit and all social media apps and putting my phone away as much as I can from now on wish me luck. My mental state has deteriorated over months and months and I am scared i will return to previous states of mind I've been in living in fear and reacting with my emotions. I am gonna take my needs more seriously. My physical, nutritional and mental health. I learnt some skills from dbt therapy and still have my book where I can start up again by myself anytime. I am ashamed that I have not been myself recently. I feel like the mental health system is not build to heal people but keep them trapped and I live health problems since my interactions over 15 years. I have found healing and therapy through simple things like owning a pet, going outdoors and into nature and having work that gives me meaning and purpose. I am gonna try and focus on building healthier habits. Some of this is hopeful or wishful thinking but as I am getting older I am seeing a difference at what I work on and what other people want me to do for their benefits. I was misdiagnosed with the wrong illnesses because I come from a cultural background and all doctors or psychiatrists this was in the short span of seeing me because it was easier to put a bandaid on the problems then find a root cause. I was being gaslighted and manipulated in so many ways my dog passed and I lost family members and some responses were like why are you sad you shouldn't be so sad or having such a reaction it was used as an excuse to give me pills with no evidence they would work or why i was taking them. My life is so much better with not taking pills. I wasn't allowed to work or have a licence and that seemed reasonable even when I had to dig through the garbage just to survive people just laughed at me.
There's is more going on with me and in my mind. I am just over ads on Facebook, reddit and YouTube. I would like to feel I control of how things effect my thoughts and emotions I am going back to an old school life.
submitted by Bruce_Africa to BPD [link] [comments]
There's is more going on with me and in my mind. I am just over ads on Facebook, reddit and YouTube. I would like to feel I control of how things effect my thoughts and emotions I am going back to an old school life.
2024.05.21 10:01 These_Carpenter_1557 Major family issues
So I’ve made a separate acct to post this bc I’m worried abt the consequences if anyone ik somehow found out abt this.(21NB) grew up in a toxic household, I’m audhd, I’m pretty sure my step dad is as well bc he’s heavily dyslexic and adhd but I’m also pretty sure he’s a narcissist, my mother is also most likely autistic for various reasons but more importantly I believe she’s a narc by proxy.
I was horrible with school, infact I ended up dropping out. I always finished a school year with at least 2 failing classes, and was a straight c student (when I wasn’t failing). Throughout my life I was gaslit and manipulated consistently into thinking I wasn’t trying hard enough and they were “convinced” I was lazy, entitled, and overall selfish, I was even called a “little narcissist” a couple times, even tho my whole life they implied it. Any time I’d give a reason relating to my autism as to why I wasn’t “pulling my weight” it’d by labeled as an excuse every single time without fail, this would frequently lead to us fighting and meltdowns on both of our parts bc of my stimulation issues and the fact they’re yellers. I was never able to get my struggles heard anywhere near how much I needed if at all bc they’d either use my social difficulties against me mid “debate” or “argument”; any time I took to long to respond I was thinking of a lie, if I had to look up to stim I was rolling my eyes, if I wasn’t making eye contact enough or accidentally “embarrassed” them somehow I wasn’t trying hard enough to socialize, etc etc.
All the accumulated manipulation, betrayal, and overall abuse led to, ocd, ocpd, osdd 2, and cptsd. I can’t even hear or read the word “narcissist” bc it’s heavily triggering, I have an obsessive hatred for anything that could be conceived as selfish, social skills got worse, etc. in 2021 I met a guy and we started dating, low and behold, he ended up being a narcissist too, how do I know this? Well, I moved out with this man a little over a year later not really noticing any truly alarming and it stayed like that until I told him whilst I was a work that I wanted to kms (still do lol), he then texted my mother and I had a talk with her about it after work. When I got home, I immediately noticed he looked upset and annoyed. I looked at him said “what” and fell face first on to my bed. Silence… he then asks “did you say that bc of me?”. I then said “what” again In which case he dismissed it said “nvm” and if I remember correctly he MIGHT have apologized I don’t necessarily remember, but he didn’t show much remorse at all after. This was all fall of 2022.
Fast forward January 2023 he “breaks up with me” for the first time, I then beg, and he accepts the beg, this was bc he “didn’t know if he could do it” (he found me embarrassing around his friends and I have trouble keeping up around the house but its NEVER a pigsty). He does this a few more times over the span of a few months and eventually it actually happens and I’m convinced it’s all me fault, I was a big and glorious break up with a couple days full of screaming crying and negotiating for the next attempt, that never came to be. A couple weeks after the breakup I find out about npd for the first time, this was the same day my ocd skyrocketed until further notice (notice still hasn’t been given) and I found out right then and there my ex, and my parents were like this.
While we were together we signed a lease on the house him, I, and 2 of his friends live today. And a few months into us living here he ends up having a full blown psychosis, that consisted of a week straight of him yelling “don’t worry you’re just like Steve Jobs” “its ok you’re just like Steve Jobs” for like 5 minutes at least every hour, barely feeding his cats, forcing his friends to re-write a Taylor swift song to fit him and his new bf, singing said Taylor swift song at the top of his lungs every chance he got, talking very loud, etc (also he got a 2nd cat that he couldn’t either financially or mentally take care of close to a month b4 this incident). A couple months later his brother dies and he goes to Louisiana for the wake and funeral (LLKCW🙏) and I haven’t seen him since a couple weeks after the psychosis incident (3 months).
So now here I am living in the house where I was promised a happy life, my roommates don’t give a fuck about anything that happened between us, I don’t wanna live with them in a couple months, I don’t wanna move back in with my parents, I don’t have a job, any money, serotonin, I cant b homeless (obviously), I’m worried about my mom, I’m worried my step dad is gonna snap one day bc I’m not there for him to take out his little antisocial tendencies and idk if my mother would allow him too take them out on her however my step dad is built like a wall and they own guns, I want my parents to fully realize the sheer damage they caused me but I don’t wanna see the looks on their faces, I’m scared they’ll hurt themselves or other people or each other, and I wanna leave this big fat fucking lie of a life I was promised behind and never look back.
W T F DO I DO
submitted by These_Carpenter_1557 to whatdoIdo [link] [comments]
I was horrible with school, infact I ended up dropping out. I always finished a school year with at least 2 failing classes, and was a straight c student (when I wasn’t failing). Throughout my life I was gaslit and manipulated consistently into thinking I wasn’t trying hard enough and they were “convinced” I was lazy, entitled, and overall selfish, I was even called a “little narcissist” a couple times, even tho my whole life they implied it. Any time I’d give a reason relating to my autism as to why I wasn’t “pulling my weight” it’d by labeled as an excuse every single time without fail, this would frequently lead to us fighting and meltdowns on both of our parts bc of my stimulation issues and the fact they’re yellers. I was never able to get my struggles heard anywhere near how much I needed if at all bc they’d either use my social difficulties against me mid “debate” or “argument”; any time I took to long to respond I was thinking of a lie, if I had to look up to stim I was rolling my eyes, if I wasn’t making eye contact enough or accidentally “embarrassed” them somehow I wasn’t trying hard enough to socialize, etc etc.
All the accumulated manipulation, betrayal, and overall abuse led to, ocd, ocpd, osdd 2, and cptsd. I can’t even hear or read the word “narcissist” bc it’s heavily triggering, I have an obsessive hatred for anything that could be conceived as selfish, social skills got worse, etc. in 2021 I met a guy and we started dating, low and behold, he ended up being a narcissist too, how do I know this? Well, I moved out with this man a little over a year later not really noticing any truly alarming and it stayed like that until I told him whilst I was a work that I wanted to kms (still do lol), he then texted my mother and I had a talk with her about it after work. When I got home, I immediately noticed he looked upset and annoyed. I looked at him said “what” and fell face first on to my bed. Silence… he then asks “did you say that bc of me?”. I then said “what” again In which case he dismissed it said “nvm” and if I remember correctly he MIGHT have apologized I don’t necessarily remember, but he didn’t show much remorse at all after. This was all fall of 2022.
Fast forward January 2023 he “breaks up with me” for the first time, I then beg, and he accepts the beg, this was bc he “didn’t know if he could do it” (he found me embarrassing around his friends and I have trouble keeping up around the house but its NEVER a pigsty). He does this a few more times over the span of a few months and eventually it actually happens and I’m convinced it’s all me fault, I was a big and glorious break up with a couple days full of screaming crying and negotiating for the next attempt, that never came to be. A couple weeks after the breakup I find out about npd for the first time, this was the same day my ocd skyrocketed until further notice (notice still hasn’t been given) and I found out right then and there my ex, and my parents were like this.
While we were together we signed a lease on the house him, I, and 2 of his friends live today. And a few months into us living here he ends up having a full blown psychosis, that consisted of a week straight of him yelling “don’t worry you’re just like Steve Jobs” “its ok you’re just like Steve Jobs” for like 5 minutes at least every hour, barely feeding his cats, forcing his friends to re-write a Taylor swift song to fit him and his new bf, singing said Taylor swift song at the top of his lungs every chance he got, talking very loud, etc (also he got a 2nd cat that he couldn’t either financially or mentally take care of close to a month b4 this incident). A couple months later his brother dies and he goes to Louisiana for the wake and funeral (LLKCW🙏) and I haven’t seen him since a couple weeks after the psychosis incident (3 months).
So now here I am living in the house where I was promised a happy life, my roommates don’t give a fuck about anything that happened between us, I don’t wanna live with them in a couple months, I don’t wanna move back in with my parents, I don’t have a job, any money, serotonin, I cant b homeless (obviously), I’m worried about my mom, I’m worried my step dad is gonna snap one day bc I’m not there for him to take out his little antisocial tendencies and idk if my mother would allow him too take them out on her however my step dad is built like a wall and they own guns, I want my parents to fully realize the sheer damage they caused me but I don’t wanna see the looks on their faces, I’m scared they’ll hurt themselves or other people or each other, and I wanna leave this big fat fucking lie of a life I was promised behind and never look back.
W T F DO I DO
2024.05.21 09:42 throwaway_200145 WIBTA IF I TOLD MY EX-BEST FRIENDS FAMILY THAT THEY MAY BE THE REASON IM BEING HARRASSED
I 25 F had a best friend 25 F who I have known for 10+ years. We met super young and just had a bond. For some background my ex friend who I'll call B is chronically online. They revolve their whole life around the internet and the people they meet. I didn't have a problem with this until recently. B is transgender FtM and has dozens of Facebook accounts where they tend to post soft core 🌽 of themselves. Awhile back they made a post asking people who wanted to be hidden from their content. I told them I had their accounts unfollowed due to issues with Facebooks notifications not turning off for me. I'd like to mention I have every single person on my account unfollowed for this same reason. Family, friends, pages etc. A few people said my response was rude and hateful. I explained why I said what I said but it still wasn't enough. A few hours later my comment was removed. Several days go by and I noticed while looking for Bs account to message them that I couldn't find it nor could I locate about 22 other individuals. I panicked and checked my block list and saw all 23 people had been randomly blocked. While in the middle of unblocking people my account suddenly signed out. I begin freaking out and tried to contact B another way but I was removed on everything. Upon looking at my email I found that my FB had been reported 176 times. I contacted support and they provided me what had been reported and why. When I asked why had people been blocked Fb support claimed it was similar to when I report someone and can block them but the opposite as well as something they took into their hands until they could investigate the claims made against me. I tried contacting Bs family and tried to explain to them what had happened but they didn't seem to care.
Several weeks go by and I still haven't gotten my account back but I started getting messages from people I didn't know claiming to be friends with B. These messages ranged from threats of doxing, calling CPS, getting my partner involved, and most recently to off myself. I was called transphobic for not wanting to support Bs *orn stuff. The list goes on. I kept ignoring and blocking people but it's just gotten the point I can't anymore. I don't wanna believe B knows this is happening but any attempt to reach them is ignored or met with hostility from others. My only opinion is to reach out to Bs parents again and explain to them what's been going on so that maybe B will contact me and I can stop all of this. So WIBTA?
submitted by throwaway_200145 to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
Several weeks go by and I still haven't gotten my account back but I started getting messages from people I didn't know claiming to be friends with B. These messages ranged from threats of doxing, calling CPS, getting my partner involved, and most recently to off myself. I was called transphobic for not wanting to support Bs *orn stuff. The list goes on. I kept ignoring and blocking people but it's just gotten the point I can't anymore. I don't wanna believe B knows this is happening but any attempt to reach them is ignored or met with hostility from others. My only opinion is to reach out to Bs parents again and explain to them what's been going on so that maybe B will contact me and I can stop all of this. So WIBTA?
2024.05.21 09:40 Saintly009 26 [M4F] Christian man seeking Christian woman #Washington #Online
I'm told women want a man who knows what he wants, so here's the whole nine yards. If there is anything here that you are not willing to accept, then don't. You will not change me now or years down the line. Obviously I intend to grow and mature (as one ought to), but I have decided who I am and what I want out of a relationship.
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to have no mileage.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to submit to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.
submitted by Saintly009 to r4r [link] [comments]
I am looking for a woman that I can make a permanent covenant bond with; I have no interest in flings or "long-term relationships."
I don't intend to come across as bitter or angry with any of this, just clear and up-front. It makes things easier for both of us.
A bit about me:
My faith in Christ is paramount in my life. I would not be where I am without him. In taking interests in various things, I've learned a lot about God's character and design. Each new thing I learn fills me with more worship of him and wonder at his works. It is very important to me that you share this admiration of God.
I have a full-time job that I am very satisfied with, but what I feel truly passionate about is art and storytelling. To be honest, I've hit a bit of a block lately as far as my output. But I've been trying to find my feet so I can make something valuable to share with the world. I think that art and stories are a fundamental part of being human, not just a luxury. So pretty much any kind of art will spark passion in me, be it music, cinema, video games, literature, video essay, sculpture, etc. I could go back and forth for hours on a lot of things. My hope is that you and I will be able to enjoy art together and create some of our own.
I frequently spend time with another gentleman from my Church and we enjoy conversations about personal projects and contemporary issues, along with walks along beaches and park trails. He is a very important friend in my life, and I am lucky to know such a kind soul. Things aren't well with my family, so I really need that kind of presence.
While I rely on my bicycle for transport (no car), it's not a problem for me. I've been riding bikes since I was in elementary school (maybe even before). It would be really nice to ride down some trails with you.
What I expect from you:
-You need to be a follower of Jesus Christ. God needs to be an active part of your life because I intend to raise our children under Biblical values.
-You need hobbies and interests apart from me. I'm fine with helping you find things you like.
-You need to have no mileage.
-You must be humble and respectful. "Boss babe" attitudes are not attractive to me.
-You cannot have any tattoos or piercings.
-No cosmetic products. It's not good for your body and I am attracted women, not makeup. This includes fake nails and fake eyelashes. I don't need you to look "pretty." You character is more important to me.
-Related to the previous, no use of image filters in photos. I do not like the type of people who are vain and vapid enough to feel the need to use filters on their photos.
-Again related to the previous, you need to have a limited social media presence. If you have a business or post something of value (like art, for example), then I have no problem. What I'm talking about is having an Instagram or Facebook account where you make random posts to nobody in particular to "update" the internet on your life or post tons of pictures of yourself online. Basing your self-worth on the comments and likes from strangers on the internet is unhealthy, and I find people's obsessive need to take pictures of themselves very unattractive and vain.
-If we marry, I expect you treat me as the head of the house. There can't be two leaders in a household because one will have to submit to the other.
-I expect you to view marriage as something that you put work into. Marriages are a team effort, so I expect you to be a help meet.
-You need to treat me like a partner, not an adversary. Getting into arguments and nagging me helps neither of us. You must have conflict-resolution skills and a solution mindset.
-You need excellent communication skills. This means understanding yourself, putting your thoughts into words other people can understand, and verbalizing things rather than expecting me to read your thoughts.
-You cannot play games with me. Telling me about other guys to make me jealous or planning dates for specific days to pressure me into committing to you are wicked and manipulative.
-While we are dating, you cannot have a "backup plan." I expect you to not be splitting your attention between me and other men. This includes spending time outside of work with other men (family excluded).
-You must be in shape. Don't be dishonest with yourself about your weight; check your BMI. This includes being underweight, anorexic, and bulimic.
-You cannot have taken any COVID-19 vaccinations from any provider.
-No smoking, drugs, or drunkenness.
-I expect you to completely renounce fast food if we date or marry. We will never feed our children McDonald's.
What you can expect from me:
-While we are dating, I will not be speaking to other women.
-I cannot meet your height, money, or attractiveness expectations. I am simply an average dude. I am critical, abstract, and imaginative in my thinking though.
-I will not ask you to do something that is unreasonable or demeaning. I will only ask of you what I expect from myself. No relationship is going to be 50/50 100% of the time, but I will put forth the effort I am able to. I expect the same out of you.
-I will not raise my hand against you. My hands will be a safe place for you.
-I will be available to listen to your troubles and help you bear through them.
-I will not demean you or humiliate you, whether or not you are in the room.
-I will show leadership in our house and exercise restraint with a mild temper.
-I will cherish you and treat you as my own body.
-I will devote myself to displaying my love for you in a language you understand, even if I am feeling distant from you because of troubles we face. I expect the same from you.
-I will not turn to another woman and betray you.
-I intend to keep every promise that I make with you.
-I will treat our children with patience and kindness, but diligently discipline them and instruct them appropriately.
Please tell me a bit about yourself and what you expect out of a relationship, but be practical and clear. A list of platitudes like "loyal, honest, etc" does not help me understand what you're looking for. Think about what your expectations look like in a tangible, everyday way.
2024.05.21 09:15 lilstinkyflower old friends want to get back in contact, i dont. what do i do?
i was part of a friend group in highscool that i no longer want to associate with but they keep trying to contact me. once the pandemic happened, i pretty much stopped going to in-person school altogether and didnt hang out with them that much. to make a long story short, over the years they got in to tons of trouble fighting people and getting warrents, etc. im not cool with that. yeah i had fun joking around with them but they were never actually violent around me, and now seeing that, i just dont want to be around them at all. not to mention, some of these people in the group were pretty mean to me. one would make fun of my body shape and told me to my face that none of our other friends care about my current relationship. and another in the group that i felt very close to started trying to argue with me via text about something i wasnt even involved in so instead of arguing with them i blocked them. this was all years ago and now theyre trying to get in contact with me again and they want me to unblock that one person. its giving me some much anxiety because even though i have been pretty much friendless over these years, my life has been VERY peaceful. and im not ready to bring in these types of friendships. i dont want to let myself get pushed around again and i really dont think these people have changed. im scared to just block all of them because they know where i live and im so scared they would like confront me or something (this is probably paranoia, but knowing the things they have done to people and the way they act, i wouldnt put it past them fr.) also i want to include these people pushed me around the entire time i was friends with them. we have good memories, but overall they treated me like garbage and i was never cared about. they dont understand things they put me through and if i even attempted to talk with them about it they would definitely take it as an attack. all i want is peace and this situation is very stressful and i have no clue what the best decision is. any advice on how i can handle this is greatly appreciated.
submitted by lilstinkyflower to Advice [link] [comments]
2024.05.21 09:04 Larry_Shandling Intro Acting Class in NYC --- 2024
Directed to actors/creatives active in NYC:
Hi, I have never acted seriously (outside of <5 productions in high school/college). Honestly, I don't think I have the potential (or really the ambition) to be a great dramatic actor or anything, although I enjoy the experience of performing. I am a competent / confident enough public speaker.
I'm 24 and have spent my life doing non-showbiz things. I am trying to reorient my life and pursue standup, write, and create comedic content. I have started on the open mic treadmill but it's early days.
These disclaimers notwithstanding, I think I could benefit from an acting class---just to gain more confidence, learn to express my emotions more authentically, and meet/learn other creative types. Again, even if I'm not trying to be a pro actor, I would like to take the class extemely seriously.
I am in NYC and have a few months before my job starts.
Many of the more well-known academies seem to have summer intensive programs that I have been exploring:
I wanted to ask if people have any strong recommendations for programs that they think are good AND programs or classes to avoid. Or maybe at my level they are all equal and I should just go to the cheapest one?
I understand that people like me are likely the suckers (inexperienced, untalented, hopeful) who fuel a lot of the so-called money mills.
Of course, I don't want to waste my money, but I'm happy to pay more if it means getting to go to a program where the teachers are serious and meaningfully invested in your progress / other students are relatively high-caliber, versus places which are just giving participation certificates to people with hopeless acting fantasies.
I know people talk a lot about the different methods, I don't really know or care about which one to prefer, I suppose I should try them and see, but not sure how to go about that either; but more than the specific method, I do care about the quality or seriousness of the program.
In general, I do well in high-pressure, intense settings, so I am more worried about receiving insufficient attention than I am about being overwhelmed or stressed. At the same time I recognize I am probably going to suck so a good teacher would probably be unwilling to waste their time with a student like me.
Sorry---this got too long---but any and all thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Any info you could share about your own background would also be useful, just so I know I'm not being duped by a proxy for one of these places.
submitted by Larry_Shandling to AskNYC [link] [comments]
Hi, I have never acted seriously (outside of <5 productions in high school/college). Honestly, I don't think I have the potential (or really the ambition) to be a great dramatic actor or anything, although I enjoy the experience of performing. I am a competent / confident enough public speaker.
I'm 24 and have spent my life doing non-showbiz things. I am trying to reorient my life and pursue standup, write, and create comedic content. I have started on the open mic treadmill but it's early days.
These disclaimers notwithstanding, I think I could benefit from an acting class---just to gain more confidence, learn to express my emotions more authentically, and meet/learn other creative types. Again, even if I'm not trying to be a pro actor, I would like to take the class extemely seriously.
I am in NYC and have a few months before my job starts.
Many of the more well-known academies seem to have summer intensive programs that I have been exploring:
- Lee Strasberg Institute: 12-Week Program, 22 hours/week $7320, 16 hours/week $5,455, 8 hours/week $2,830
- Stella Adler Institute: 9-Week Program, 24 hours/week $4150
- Esper Studio: 6.5-Week Program: 16 hours/week $2600
I wanted to ask if people have any strong recommendations for programs that they think are good AND programs or classes to avoid. Or maybe at my level they are all equal and I should just go to the cheapest one?
I understand that people like me are likely the suckers (inexperienced, untalented, hopeful) who fuel a lot of the so-called money mills.
Of course, I don't want to waste my money, but I'm happy to pay more if it means getting to go to a program where the teachers are serious and meaningfully invested in your progress / other students are relatively high-caliber, versus places which are just giving participation certificates to people with hopeless acting fantasies.
I know people talk a lot about the different methods, I don't really know or care about which one to prefer, I suppose I should try them and see, but not sure how to go about that either; but more than the specific method, I do care about the quality or seriousness of the program.
In general, I do well in high-pressure, intense settings, so I am more worried about receiving insufficient attention than I am about being overwhelmed or stressed. At the same time I recognize I am probably going to suck so a good teacher would probably be unwilling to waste their time with a student like me.
Sorry---this got too long---but any and all thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Any info you could share about your own background would also be useful, just so I know I'm not being duped by a proxy for one of these places.
2024.05.21 09:00 Larry_Shandling Intro Acting Class in NYC --- 2024
Hi, I have never acted seriously (outside of <5 productions in high school/college).
Honestly, I don't think I have the potential (or really the ambition) to be a great dramatic actor or anything, although I enjoy the experience of performing. I am a competent / confident enough public speaker.
I am 24 and have spent my life doing non-showbiz things. I am trying to reorient my life and pursue standup, write, and create comedic content. I have started on the open mic treadmill but it's early days.
These disclaimers notwithstanding, I think I could benefit from an acting class---just to gain more confidence, learn to express my emotions more authentically, and meet/learn other creative types. Again, even if I don't think I'm interested in being a pro actor, I would like to take the class very seriously.
I am in NYC and have a few months before my job starts.
Many of the more well-known academies seem to have summer intensive programs that I have been exploring:
I wanted to ask if people have any strong recommendations for programs that they think are good AND programs or classes to avoid. Or maybe at my level they are all equal and I should just go to the cheapest one?
I understand that people like me are likely the suckers (inexperienced, untalented, hopeful) who fuel a lot of the so-called money mills.
Of course, I don't want to waste my money, but I'm happy to pay more if it means getting to go to a program where the teachers are serious and meaningfully invested in your progress / other students are relatively high-caliber, versus places which are just giving participation certificates to people with hopeless acting fantasies.
I know people talk a lot about the different methods, I don't really know or care about which one to prefer, I suppose I should try them and see, but not sure how to go about that either; but more than the specific method, I do care about the quality or seriousness of the program.
In general, I do well in high-pressure, intense settings, so I am more worried about receiving insufficient attention than I am about being overwhelmed or stressed. At the same time I recognize I am probably going to suck so a good teacher would probably be unwilling to waste their time with a student like me.
Sorry---this got too long---but any and all thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Any info you could share about your own background would also be useful, just so I know I'm not being duped by a proxy for one of these places.
submitted by Larry_Shandling to acting [link] [comments]
Honestly, I don't think I have the potential (or really the ambition) to be a great dramatic actor or anything, although I enjoy the experience of performing. I am a competent / confident enough public speaker.
I am 24 and have spent my life doing non-showbiz things. I am trying to reorient my life and pursue standup, write, and create comedic content. I have started on the open mic treadmill but it's early days.
These disclaimers notwithstanding, I think I could benefit from an acting class---just to gain more confidence, learn to express my emotions more authentically, and meet/learn other creative types. Again, even if I don't think I'm interested in being a pro actor, I would like to take the class very seriously.
I am in NYC and have a few months before my job starts.
Many of the more well-known academies seem to have summer intensive programs that I have been exploring:
- Lee Strasberg Institute: 12-Week Program, 22 hours/week $7320, 16 hours/week $5,455, 8 hours/week $2,830
- Stella Adler Institute: 9-Week Program, 24 hours/week $4150
- Esper Studio: 6.5-Week Program: 16 hours/week $2600
I wanted to ask if people have any strong recommendations for programs that they think are good AND programs or classes to avoid. Or maybe at my level they are all equal and I should just go to the cheapest one?
I understand that people like me are likely the suckers (inexperienced, untalented, hopeful) who fuel a lot of the so-called money mills.
Of course, I don't want to waste my money, but I'm happy to pay more if it means getting to go to a program where the teachers are serious and meaningfully invested in your progress / other students are relatively high-caliber, versus places which are just giving participation certificates to people with hopeless acting fantasies.
I know people talk a lot about the different methods, I don't really know or care about which one to prefer, I suppose I should try them and see, but not sure how to go about that either; but more than the specific method, I do care about the quality or seriousness of the program.
In general, I do well in high-pressure, intense settings, so I am more worried about receiving insufficient attention than I am about being overwhelmed or stressed. At the same time I recognize I am probably going to suck so a good teacher would probably be unwilling to waste their time with a student like me.
Sorry---this got too long---but any and all thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Any info you could share about your own background would also be useful, just so I know I'm not being duped by a proxy for one of these places.
2024.05.21 08:53 HuckleberryAsleep434 my friend committed and nobody seems to care
i'm a high school senior (17), i lost a close friend a few weeks ago from suicide and i can't help but feel some sort of blame for what happened. we were talking daily in the days leading up to her suicide, and she didn't let me in that anything was wrong at all. we exchanged jokes in messenger and everything seemed fine. we hadn't talked much recently up til this point since we were put into different classes, so i was glad she reached out to me about 2 months ago and we made an active effort to reconnect with each other.
3 days before her suicide, i saw she deactivated her account. no big deal! must've just gotten it banned or replaced or something, she'll hit me up on the new acc eventually. day after that, i saw our classmates having 'rip (classmate name)!!' in their statuses, i thought it was a pretty dark joke but she was complaining to me about the schoolwork before, it must've just meant she finally got a break from all that. then finally, our class president posted to our gc, 'is anyone else gonna come w\ us to pay their respects to (classmate)'s funeral?'
so i messaged him about it, asked him which classmate it was since her name was pretty common. it turns out to be her. i told him to tell me what really happened and stop joking around, but it was real. he told me she couldn't take it anymore, but i still didn't believe him so i looked it up online. her parents did post about her death and it was real. i think my world crashed around me at that point.
i came crying to my relatives about it after i was slightly calmer finally asking them for some solace, they were flabbergasted i had the nerve to cry for a non-blood non-relative person (yes, they really said that). they said she was weak and that's why she died, and they even mocked me when i got up to leave the room by acting all faux dramatic about it: 'nOOO! don't leave US!' I can't fucking believe them. anyway, i came out feeling even worse than when i first found out the news. to this day they're still bitching about me feeling sorry for my friend and asked if i was still moping around.
only one teacher said anything remotely sympathetic to her suicide. our homeroom teacher literally told us to keep quiet about it and stop asking questions about what happened, the school board certainly was fucking quiet about it too. they didn't post any announcements or grieving posts to their facebook page, even though it's still active right now and posted after the incident. the parents don't seem to be keeping quiet about it either since i first found out about the suicide from their post. currently, no other teacher has said anything at all and it's been a few weeks now.
i asked a friend over text for some sympathy (context: we're close but he didn't know the friend) and he had the gall to laugh about her death, i told him the school was covering up her death and he literally replied 'hahah'. i told him she was my best friend and he replied with 'ahh', and nothing else. nope, not one ounce of comfort. another friend over dms that also didn't know her (but knew i was close friends with the girl) shut me point blank and told me PUBLICLY that she was not gonna reply ever. so fuck that.
the friend that died was so kind. everyone loved her. but it felt like everyone moved on too soon (the classmates that did know her), or just didn't give a shit at all (everyone else basically). she was quiet but generous and never insulted anyone. i just wish she told me something, anything, and i could've at least offered her some comfort when she needed it. i feel so much worse knowing i knew basically nothing about the pain she was going through even when she was there when i needed her. i had a dream a few days ago where i traveled back in time and told her how much all of us loved her and would be sad if she were gone. i woke up before i could even get her response.
(sorry this is all so long. i recently played through a game that contained a scene where the mc stops a friend from committing suicide, and it just brought back the memories. i've been keeping myself distracted lately by just not thinking about what happened at all. there isn't anyone else i can confide to that i haven't done already)
submitted by HuckleberryAsleep434 to SuicideBereavement [link] [comments]
3 days before her suicide, i saw she deactivated her account. no big deal! must've just gotten it banned or replaced or something, she'll hit me up on the new acc eventually. day after that, i saw our classmates having 'rip (classmate name)!!' in their statuses, i thought it was a pretty dark joke but she was complaining to me about the schoolwork before, it must've just meant she finally got a break from all that. then finally, our class president posted to our gc, 'is anyone else gonna come w\ us to pay their respects to (classmate)'s funeral?'
so i messaged him about it, asked him which classmate it was since her name was pretty common. it turns out to be her. i told him to tell me what really happened and stop joking around, but it was real. he told me she couldn't take it anymore, but i still didn't believe him so i looked it up online. her parents did post about her death and it was real. i think my world crashed around me at that point.
i came crying to my relatives about it after i was slightly calmer finally asking them for some solace, they were flabbergasted i had the nerve to cry for a non-blood non-relative person (yes, they really said that). they said she was weak and that's why she died, and they even mocked me when i got up to leave the room by acting all faux dramatic about it: 'nOOO! don't leave US!' I can't fucking believe them. anyway, i came out feeling even worse than when i first found out the news. to this day they're still bitching about me feeling sorry for my friend and asked if i was still moping around.
only one teacher said anything remotely sympathetic to her suicide. our homeroom teacher literally told us to keep quiet about it and stop asking questions about what happened, the school board certainly was fucking quiet about it too. they didn't post any announcements or grieving posts to their facebook page, even though it's still active right now and posted after the incident. the parents don't seem to be keeping quiet about it either since i first found out about the suicide from their post. currently, no other teacher has said anything at all and it's been a few weeks now.
i asked a friend over text for some sympathy (context: we're close but he didn't know the friend) and he had the gall to laugh about her death, i told him the school was covering up her death and he literally replied 'hahah'. i told him she was my best friend and he replied with 'ahh', and nothing else. nope, not one ounce of comfort. another friend over dms that also didn't know her (but knew i was close friends with the girl) shut me point blank and told me PUBLICLY that she was not gonna reply ever. so fuck that.
the friend that died was so kind. everyone loved her. but it felt like everyone moved on too soon (the classmates that did know her), or just didn't give a shit at all (everyone else basically). she was quiet but generous and never insulted anyone. i just wish she told me something, anything, and i could've at least offered her some comfort when she needed it. i feel so much worse knowing i knew basically nothing about the pain she was going through even when she was there when i needed her. i had a dream a few days ago where i traveled back in time and told her how much all of us loved her and would be sad if she were gone. i woke up before i could even get her response.
(sorry this is all so long. i recently played through a game that contained a scene where the mc stops a friend from committing suicide, and it just brought back the memories. i've been keeping myself distracted lately by just not thinking about what happened at all. there isn't anyone else i can confide to that i haven't done already)
2024.05.21 08:44 EntrepreneurDizzy640 My girlfriend 22F broke up with me 22M and she and I still see each other. What should I do?
Me 22M and my girlfriend or ex girlfriend 22F we together for 6 months but have been broken up for a month now, but she and I still see each other no matter how many times I try to ignore her. The reason she broke up with me was because she doesn’t believe that I never had a romantic interest or had a relationship with my girl family friend. My family friend and I had photos in my phone of our memories hanging out, nothing weird. I have been asked by her multiple times if I did like her, and I keep saying no. I’ve told her everything about my relationship with my family friend, but she said something like all she needed was honesty and transparency and that I’m not giving that to her. I then showed her my phone and she looked through the past messages I’ve had with a friend of mine who happens to be involved with the situation and my girlfriend then sees a message of my friend asking if I liked my family friend and me saying that I really do like her, but not in a romantic way. I guess that’s what validated her assumption about the situation about me and my family friend. She then said that she’s been lied to by a lot of guys and knows when someone is lying to her, that is when she broke things off with me.
A week or so goes by and she then checks up on me, then later on would start seeing each other again, with no labels. Then whenever I would talk about getting back together and wanting to work things out, she still thinks that I’m a liar and won’t work things out which caused us to take some space from each other again, and then the same thing happens. This time the issue was about the girls on my instagram following. She made me show her my following and then tells me to unblock the girls that I’ve talked to before, which I have ever since I got in to the relationship with her. She then met someone i knew back in high school that I used to talk to, with no relationship interest, then the next day she asks me if I still talk to any of the girls I used to like or talked to and I said no. She then showed me a screenshot of a comment I had on my high school friend’s post from 4 years ago and she thinks I used to talk to her. I then asked her if my friend ever told her that I liked her or pursued her, she said nothing and wanted to end the call because she was upset about it. I kept my distance from her because I said take her time and talk to me whenever she’s ready. She would then reach out to me to see me but never in the talks of working things out, only to just spend time and hangout. Another issue happens again which caused me to take some time from her because I felt like it was becoming a cycle, and also made me want to stop fighting for the relationship to get back to normal, she said that we can’t get back what we had. As much as want to keep fighting for the relationship, I just felt like I wasn’t being heard and felt like every question she asks me, she wants to hear something right, right that validated her assumptions.
I tried to keep my distance from her by spending more time with my friends because I was really hurt from the situation when she broke up with me and felt like I was in an emotional roller coaster. I know everybody makes mistakes but to her, everything I do seems to be bad… But then few days later she would check up on me again, then spend time with each other, cuddling and everything, like everything was ok. But now I just feel like it’s gonna be the same thing again and I don’t know what to do about it.
She’s been cheated on in the past and have told me before that she had some jealousy from her past relationship and also told me that she was a pretty controlling. I didn’t mind it before because I feel like she might have changed now. But now I feel like everything she has done with her ex has now been projected to me. Earlier times in our relationship, whenever she and I had those issues and would take time apart, she would apologize to me few days after saying that she’s sorry for treating me bad and felt that she should’ve not projected things to me from her past that I had no relations to. And I also find it unfair on why she was focused on my past and not the present, when she was the only person in my life, my only priority.
I tried to have a serious talk about getting back but she said that she’s scared that I might eventually hurt her. Why would she be worried of the worst outcome about what could happen when she and I could be focusing on what we want to happen?
I love this girl and all, but I just don’t know what to do about this. I feel like I’m stuck on a relationship that’s not a relationship. I’ve been looking up a lot these attachment styles and many months ago, she took a quiz and says that she was a fearful avoidant, and I’ve been looking up what a person with narcissist tendencies does, but I don’t want to assume the worst about it because I’m just simply trying to understand where she is at with this type of relationship she and I has. I just really don’t know what to do now at this point and I could use some help because I’ve been sad and angry about the situation I’m in. Thank you for reading this.
What do you think I could do with this situation? What could be the cause of this happening to her and me? Should I let her go?
submitted by EntrepreneurDizzy640 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
A week or so goes by and she then checks up on me, then later on would start seeing each other again, with no labels. Then whenever I would talk about getting back together and wanting to work things out, she still thinks that I’m a liar and won’t work things out which caused us to take some space from each other again, and then the same thing happens. This time the issue was about the girls on my instagram following. She made me show her my following and then tells me to unblock the girls that I’ve talked to before, which I have ever since I got in to the relationship with her. She then met someone i knew back in high school that I used to talk to, with no relationship interest, then the next day she asks me if I still talk to any of the girls I used to like or talked to and I said no. She then showed me a screenshot of a comment I had on my high school friend’s post from 4 years ago and she thinks I used to talk to her. I then asked her if my friend ever told her that I liked her or pursued her, she said nothing and wanted to end the call because she was upset about it. I kept my distance from her because I said take her time and talk to me whenever she’s ready. She would then reach out to me to see me but never in the talks of working things out, only to just spend time and hangout. Another issue happens again which caused me to take some time from her because I felt like it was becoming a cycle, and also made me want to stop fighting for the relationship to get back to normal, she said that we can’t get back what we had. As much as want to keep fighting for the relationship, I just felt like I wasn’t being heard and felt like every question she asks me, she wants to hear something right, right that validated her assumptions.
I tried to keep my distance from her by spending more time with my friends because I was really hurt from the situation when she broke up with me and felt like I was in an emotional roller coaster. I know everybody makes mistakes but to her, everything I do seems to be bad… But then few days later she would check up on me again, then spend time with each other, cuddling and everything, like everything was ok. But now I just feel like it’s gonna be the same thing again and I don’t know what to do about it.
She’s been cheated on in the past and have told me before that she had some jealousy from her past relationship and also told me that she was a pretty controlling. I didn’t mind it before because I feel like she might have changed now. But now I feel like everything she has done with her ex has now been projected to me. Earlier times in our relationship, whenever she and I had those issues and would take time apart, she would apologize to me few days after saying that she’s sorry for treating me bad and felt that she should’ve not projected things to me from her past that I had no relations to. And I also find it unfair on why she was focused on my past and not the present, when she was the only person in my life, my only priority.
I tried to have a serious talk about getting back but she said that she’s scared that I might eventually hurt her. Why would she be worried of the worst outcome about what could happen when she and I could be focusing on what we want to happen?
I love this girl and all, but I just don’t know what to do about this. I feel like I’m stuck on a relationship that’s not a relationship. I’ve been looking up a lot these attachment styles and many months ago, she took a quiz and says that she was a fearful avoidant, and I’ve been looking up what a person with narcissist tendencies does, but I don’t want to assume the worst about it because I’m just simply trying to understand where she is at with this type of relationship she and I has. I just really don’t know what to do now at this point and I could use some help because I’ve been sad and angry about the situation I’m in. Thank you for reading this.
What do you think I could do with this situation? What could be the cause of this happening to her and me? Should I let her go?