TANKDOM!
I'm so glad my idea of doing a solid for Dracula by mentioning the town forum on air worked so well. It was totally my idea and not Caroline's. Don't listen to her. Probably isn't going to rain today.
Let me break down how this works. I, Hank 'The Tank' Jefferson, review the top stories on the forum and you, The Tank Nation, get to hear my unfiltered views on these posts because I am using voice to text software. That's right, no editing, just my first thoughts and- no, Todd, I don't edit it. Stop distracting me and go order another round! Where was I, oh yeah!
HOT TAKES!

• Alright, first up, some dumbass not seeing the beauty in late night street racing. Hey, Kevin, do you still have that blue Mustang? Oh, your kid does, well then he's doing a bang up job driving it. Just like his old man! [laughter detected]. Anyway, Rice Farmer, if that is your real name, lighten up. Let kids have fun! NEXT!
• I don't know why you need to announce you are visiting. This isn't an airport. I guess I'll see what these suggestions are...loading...loading...man, we need to talk to Cedar about these load time. ah, lets see... Parks- Dumb. Packard Mill- don't know why people would stay away, that place rocks. The Pub- banned...banned...banned...I don't see O'Malley's mentioned, so clearly people missed the point of suggesting the best places in town. NEXT!
• Bike lanes. Bikes are for children. Children don't need their own lanes. NEXT!
• Man, why is everyone always ragging on Susan! She's a sweetheart and trying to- huh, oh, not Susan Piper, the other one? Oh yeah, she's a bitch. NEXT!
• Oh a joke! I'll click in...Is the joke that you keep doing unpaid work for the city? You need to value yourself better, man. Also, ramen is for poor people. NEXT!
• Oh shit! Marble Bandit is back! SCOTTY SCOTTY SCOTTY! Did you know Marble Bandit is back? Me either! You think he wants to get drinks while he's in town! I don't have his number, do you? Well, can you ask around. I'm sure someone has it. NEXT!
• Yarn Bitch welcoming people- BORING. NEXT!
• James, man, we've been over it so many times. The multiple 15th street thing is only confusing if you make it confusing. The system is so easy. Come by O'Malley's and I'll explain it again. Fine, TODD will explain it again. Happy now? No I don't always take credit for things you do. Now give me that beer I ordered.

I'm bored now. I don't know how that little twerp who stole my idea does this. Whatever, I got it in before him. No I totally turned off the mic. I swear I did. Oh sh-

• Okay, where was I...Garden Gnomes? Is that prank going around again? Yeah, I know it's not original, I'm just asking if it's going around again! Listen, sweetheart, the kids in this town like to mess with garden gnomes. I don't know why you are making a fuss about all this. NEXT!
• I have told you a million times, Dracula, just pay off your HOA not to fine you anymore and you can do whatever you want. You make things too complicated. NEXT!
• Another pothole post...huh, fine, I'll click in. Oh, it's about that ramen. Yeah, see, this guy gets that it's a bad idea to repair things for free! NEXT!
• Listen here, sweetheart, your water wouldn't taste funny if you didn't choose to live in an apartment complex. Get a man and he'll buy you a house...No, that's not sexist to say. That kicker said basically that so I can say it too! I'm tired of you all trying to give opinions on my opinions. I'm just going to stop. No I'm not being chicken!

Until next time, I'm Hank 'The Tank' Jefferson. You stay classy Lower Duck Pond!

I was greatly misunderstood today.
I don’t want to alienate myself from a community that has been incredibly helpful when I’ve been very lost and confused and didn’t have a single person in my life that understood what it was like to have a Chiari malformation.
Earlier today I shared a post about something I call “untethering” which is a process I’ve used to try to break free from the persona of being sick. The post was called out as being condescending and I was called out for misrepresenting this condition, insisting that other people are faking it or overreacting, or using it as an excuse.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
My only intention with all of these posts is to show people that there are other options besides surgery. That’s it.
For years I’ve watched people who are newly diagnosed pop onto this thread and they are afraid and feeling hopeless and aren’t sure where to turn. They might be offered surgery…or not. They might decide to go under the knife…or not. I could have but chose not to, and all I’ve wanted to do is show people that there can be life with Chiari. And while most of what I’ve been sharing, and a huge part of what has helped me, are physical changes I’ve made to my life/environment/self, the deepest change has come from within. Being willing to look—even as I was writhing in pain, barely able to leave my bed, unable to consider motherhood or being a good partner or anything beyond surviving moment to moment—at how I owned the illness, how I wrapped it into every facet of my being, was one of the crucial steps I had to take to break free from it. I don’t think I’d be sitting here today if I hadn’t done that work.
I was seriously so excited to share everything that I’ve learned with this sub, where the people are usually so supportive because we’re truly the only ones that understand what it’s like to live with this condition. I’m going to keep sharing my experiences. I’m not an influencer. I’m not someone who is trying to sell you a damn thing. I’m not trying to say that you’re a liar or a fake or overexaggerating.
I’m saying I’ve screamed into a pillow, begging for death from the pain. I’ve closed myself off from my life, my family, my friends because living was too hard. I’m saying I SEE YOU. That’s why I want to help. Because I’ve been there. The reason I need to share these things is because I’m not there anymore.

Hello, Been trading crypto for a while now, I am well aware of the traditional financial markets like SPX, NASDAQ, DJIA though i never invested into those, always Been a bitcoin trader, however this year I have a thesis we are heading towards a global deflationary bust, with a crash similar to 1929 and my targets are atleast 50% decline in SPY by the end of the year, I am totally new to the options and I want to buy a deep out of the money put for SPY, Can someone please explain, the greeks, Volume, Contracts and all the other stuff makes sense to make this bet/trade? I am planning to buy this put worth of 36720 $, which will give me 180 contracts i believe.
Hypothetically lets say I am right and the SPY goes around 350$ before my expiration and i close the trade, I will be making a profit of $863,280. " If " it happens is that it or there is more that i am missing?
premium 2.01$, Bid 1062 X 2.01 $, Ask 2527 X 2.04 $, Breakeven 397.98 $, Strike 400$, Mid 2.03 $, open interest 1893, Volume 0, Low 0.00 $, High 0.00 $
The Greeks. Imp Volatility 15.19%, Theta -0.0012. Delta -0.0035, Vega 0.0438, Gamma 0.0002, Rho -0.0118

So I've been with my girlfriend since December (were now at the end of May), and she never wants to take photos with me, and although I've managed to snag a few, I can't shake the feeling she's keeping me hidden. Never mind the fact shes still friends with her ex and even though I'm not comfortable with those two talking I've accepted it for what it is but she tells me even if I didn't I would have to just accept it and that's that, but on top of that, if you were to check my socials youd evidently see I was in a relationship with her, whereas youd never know I existed just viewing hers.
She has male friends that are overly involved in her life, she says that she just doesn't have a filter and will talk openly about sex and 'toys' and stuff, for example, in her last relationship she told a guy she worked with that her boyfriend couldn't make her cum, and he replied with "I'll make you cum" and instead of shutting it down or telling him she had a boyfriend somehow the conversation got on to her buying the guy a cockring. I can't help but feel she has other people on stand by or something.
Don't get me wrong, she's so lovely and caring and attentive but aside from the few times I've managed to get a photo of us, she straight up refuses or gets her guard up when I want to take a photo of us, almost like she doesn't want any physical evidence of us being together.
But today as she was taking her daily snap streak photo (that she was only going to send to me because heaven forbid anyone else see it), she accidentally uploaded it to her story, and I have never seen someone act so fast to delete something upon realising. Which hurt.
I've had friends who have accidentally uploaded explicit content or something that really shouldnt have been viewed by just anyone that have worked slower to delete something from public viewing.
I got upset because she constantly tells me if I wait she will show me off to the world but I can't help but think she's weeding out other guys or something strange is going on. I have a lot of problems with my self image and this is honestly making me feel worse. Either that or I'm being hidden because there are other guys she doesn't want to know about me.
Most of the guys she speaks to message her inappropriately and I'm always the bad guy for calling it out.
So am I just over reacting?
AITA?

I am still here. I knew what I wanted. You do too. I was always straight up with you. I asked for you not to do two things so we would not have those problems in our relationship. I had so many hopes then and was looking forward. We had a pact. I am sorry I messed up back then and it appears its effects are still lingering. I lost you and it was devastating. Pretty much like it is now. We lost touch and I hoped that we would find each other again. I never thought we would have issues when it happened. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I had no clue you’d come at me the way you did. I never knew it was you. Yes I made commitments to him(you) in 2005. That situationship died as it should have never been born. I apologize for not recognizing you or the attempts you made to connect with me. The reason for the stoic looks because I don’t know what the hell is going on!! I appreciate them in any event and the intent behind them. But I expected to be spoken to like you know me. I did not expect to be contacted via social media pretending to be people you have no clue about. And you wonder why I’m here. I’ll admit I indulged back in 2021. You had what almost 2-3 months communicating while I was recuperating from my surgery? I gave another him(you) opportunities(plural) to come clean. Instead the lies continued to perpetrate to no end. I wanted you, my family. I just wanted to hear it finally (sigh) so we could move on and cut the bullshit. But no. That was the last draw. I said the things I said to get rid of the person that wasn’t you playing and love bombing me on my line because the direct approach was not working. Now you want to admit it was you?? I am sorry you were/are hurt by what I said and you felt it. It was not intended for you and you know what I mean by that. I admire your persistence. You kept it up still pretending to be people you don’t know to connect. I straight up ask who they are and what do I get??? Crickets! Hence the reason for the blocks. Playing kiddie games. We too grown for that. I am and have been going through too much for something that was supposed to be so simple. I didn’t need any of it. All of that wasted time! It didn’t need to drag on like it did. If it were anybody else I would have cut my losses. All of the nonsense is so unnecessary but you listened to people that have no clue what we were. You don’t do family like that under any circumstances. We were supposed to be together and you know that. Stop feeling hurt. But what do hurt people do continue to hurt the people they say they love by spewing venom. Ain’t no theatrics over here. This is my life and I like to live it drama free. You know how it was growing up. That’s not what I wanted for us. Even though we are going through it, I still love you and want to work things out with you. I have not said or conveyed anything different. I want to go to you but I am going through changes over all of the nonsense among other things. What changes? Every fucking emotion under the damn sun! You’ve been watching what I have been going through. Did it not occur to you that I would be changed? All you saw was I was not responding to you the way you hoped and you said nothing. How many years has it been? You looking at me and me at you both waiting for responses that never come. Make it make sense. I’m sorry you felt rejected, abandoned and believed I lied to you or better yet I faked it. Seriously?? You know better. Do better! Unfortunately the state we are in now are the consequences of unchartered waters because this was never us. I am trying to ride this wave until it calms down. I’m throwing you your life preserver. Are you gonna take it or drown? I’m fighting for my life. I apologize for hurting you. I apologize that it appears that I don’t love you. I know you love me and want to be with me. I love you and want to be with you. You need to get it through your head that you trumped everybody. You still do. It is and always was you. Please don’t doubt that. I never wanted to nor would I try to hurt you. When I realized what happened last year I went looking for you to apologize. But you already know about that right? The distance between us is not what either of us want. We are strangers and we’re afraid because we have changed. You’re always on my mind like I am always on yours. After all of this time. I don’t understand why but you’ve made it hard to trust you. I am trying to preserve what we have left. I don’t want to be there feeling the way I do because that was never who I was when I was around you. But I have to get through things and want you here. You are not a spare (you never were) and I’m not trying to hold onto you until someone better comes along. So you can stop ruminating. There is no one better. I never lied to you. I wasn’t the one doing the lying. I say what I mean and mean what I say. But if you’re going to spew hate to make yourself feel better (which doesn’t happen btw) tell the whole fucking truth and your role in it. Play and you’ll be playing by yourself. I understand if you may have changed your mind on me or stalled out checked out whatever. But this is what it is. We are free people whether we are together or not. I’d rather be crying tears of joy than tears of pain. Thank you for all you have done and for loving me. But it’s all or nothing right? I always hope you make it back in one piece, mentally, physically and spiritually. Always love

So we are together for almost 2 years. We had our ups and downs. Since the beginning of our relationship she was showing discomfort for certain positions while having relationships. We even ended up going to hospital one time because of the amount of pain she had. So far the only thing that they told her was the urinary infection which she took medication and it went away. In the past month we went to a gynecologist and he told us that she has endo, she does not want to believe that. In the past 3 months she has much more stress and seems to have much more pain and cramps. To the point that she is not interested in relationship anymore. Even when she does have a relationship as she saw me frustrated she starts to bleed after. At the same time she is afraid to go to another doctor to validate endo. I am 33 no kids and worked and build my life alone in my 20s. She is 27 with 3 kids. I also like to have 2 kids of my own and based on what I read endo will risk having kids for females and I am sure that I want two kids. So here is what I am thinking , I should break up with here as the more time we spend the less sex we will have and the more frustrated I get (yes I know some feel that this is selfish but If you have any other solutions I am open to it). Also I am afraid that we go thought and have our first kid and she refuses to have second child because of all these complications and I am not for that either. While I am trying to be supportive I understand that I am a man a have needs. I am not a side chick person either. Besides that she spent her 20s to party so I feel like I am buying a used car that other enjoyed and now I will be responsible for repairs.

[First] [Previous] [Next]
To my beloved Marcus
I know you will make sure
this Heart reaches every lost Bastard
or any curious soul in general
until this guide is no longer necessary.
It makes me so sad to think I won't live to see that day.
It is hard for me to say this, but if this book has made its way into your hands, it means that it is already too late for you. For some reason, whichever it may be, you are already in the middle of our situation. And taking the chance now that I already said something so depressing, here is another thing: there is no way for you to get out of it.

Are you being surrounded by strange events lately? I don’t know, maybe the lights around you blink more often than not, the radio changes stations without anyone touching the dial? The animals are suddenly extremely aggressive, or maybe unnaturally tame towards you?

Suddenly you can’t shake the feeling that someone, or something, is staring at you from somewhere unseen in the room…

I guess that I don’t need to mention how this all started. You probably saw something you weren’t meant to see, didn’t you. Some random person breaking the rules of reality in one way or another. A guy flying, a girl on the streets spitting fire, objects appearing out of nowhere.

Nothing makes sense and no one seems to care or know how to explain it. Well my friend, I am sorry to inform you that you have been infected. You are incubating the Arcane Infection, and you are now Awake.

Now, you are a Mage. A Bastard Mage, if you don’t have a master to guide you… which is most probably the case.

If this is the first time you read this book, or any kind of Draconian Text, this probably doesn’t make any sense. I know, it didn’t make sense for me either when I was in your place, almost seventy years ago. But trust me, everything will be explained in time. Just be patient, and stay with me, ok? Keep calm, and keep reading.

The first thing you need to learn is to shut up. You cannot talk about this with anyone who hasn’t experienced it and holds some sort of relevant position in society. Really. Famous scientists, politicians, Mayors, I don’t know. Anyone who tends to be trusted by non-mages. Just. Don’t.

If you already did, let’s hope they didn’t believe you. With some luck, you were disregarded as a fool, a maniac or a person with too vivid of an imagination.

If you survive past three days or so after opening your dumb mouth, you should be safe? Now don’t do that again. The Black Pages don’t like it when you try to talk about this…

Remember that sensation of being stalked? Let’s say that it will eventually go away, unless you are stupid or naive enough to try and bring attention to this deal.

Yes. Magic is real. Good for you. Now shut your piehole and keep reading unless you want to be remembered soon. Walls have eyes and ears, and they’ll probably continue to have them for two or three months. Trying to run away will only perpetuate this, so the best thing you can do is not think about it.

Do something stupid in these months and you will die. Disappear. Kaput. Remembered.

There are people who want to maintain this as a secret. That is another thing I will explain in time.

Right now you have two options: You can learn how to manage this new “gift” (if you want to call it that) in a remotely appropriate way; or you can just be another idiot, and try to live a normal life.

What? You think I am being unnecessarily aggressive? Well maybe I am. But you need to understand the gravity of this situation.

Because I lied. You have no options. Learn how to use this new capability to your advantage, or you will die in a freak accident.

If after reading this you prefer to just keep on with your life like nothing happened, then good for you. Close the book, and put it back where it was. With some luck it will land in the hands of someone less dense.

.

.

.

Still reading? Good. Excellent! Sit down, get comfortable, maybe grab a drink. This is going to be long.

Among the words of this tome in your hands, you will find all the information I have been able to gather along my eighty god damn years of life, or at least all that you need to know to keep yourself alive until getting a proper guide.

It will be a long journey, and many of the things here won't make much sense, especially because I had to take the time to adapt and translate documents three or four centuries old to a mostly understandable format.
So you better be thankful.

The first thing I want you to know: please, for the love of God, do not settle for the things I am exposing here. All the information in this book will be absolutely basic, it won’t replace a formal education.. All the information here is for you to know where you are, how to start, and where to aim.

And now is when I am going to start telling you what IS inside this book.

We will start with something simple: what is Magic (or “The Art”) exactly, how did you end up in this situation and why is it important that you study it by yourself.

Then, after the general explanation, I will talk a little about our “Society”, if we can call a bunch of lonely, grumpy jackasses a “Mage Society”. There are some non-written rules of etiquette and other details that you need to keep in mind, if you want to keep the head on your neck.

Another section of the book will talk about the dangers around us… and this section will be, ironically enough, quite short, because the less you know about it, the better.

Mystery is your greatest ally, it’s everyone’s greatest ally. All that you don’t know is as important as what you do know. And that is what the fourth chapter is about. Each Mage has their own magical system, according to which they can create a Heart. There are as many ways of Magic as Mages in the world (so, not really that many), but all of them share some similarities.

Chapter Five is about the foundations of a ritual. Not every magical system has rituals, but it is always useful to learn and understand how these work, just in case you may find yourself in a desperate situation..

Finally, Chapter Six will be a directory with Formulas, Glyphs and Thrills that should serve as a starting point for all of you. Nothing too complex, but still, very useful. I left a few blank pages here, for you to add anything you learn and feel convenient.

If any of you misuses it, I swear to the Gods.

And this would be the real reason behind this tome: take whatever you can, leave what you create for others to use. I started this book as some sort of reproduction of the classic “Metodología del Fantástico”, that dear Gwendolin de Recattio left for us almost four hundred years ago, and that is obviously beyond obsolete at this point.

That and also probably burned to ashes as many other manuals end up.

Take notes damn it, I will leave spaces for everyone to make a little mark. But for the love of the Gods don’t use your real name, don’t be an imbecile.

Let’s make something together. Let’s create something important for once in our stupid lives. Let’s make the Bastard's life a little easier.

Gato.

That casual exclamation to the so-called ‘gods’ makes it clear that this book is either heretical or very old. Then again, the Wohlian it is written in is quite modern… but that could be the effect of magic, right? After all, this thing is written in ‘draconic’, which seems to be a magical language that self-translates or something?

But that was not the only thing that kinda came to my attention. This guy, Gato, is treating magic like this incredibly serious and dangerous thing… and I can’t help but feel a little nervous about it. I mean, everyone seems to be doing just fine, even if there are a few rules that I have to consider. Was this deal really so complicated?

Well, Gato was the expert, and it felt like everyone respected them plenty so… I will abide by them!

Besides, the knowledge here is beyond promising! A part of me wants to skip right to chapter 6 and start learning new runes! But no, I have to be patient, I have to learn the way it was intended and take my time absorbing/acclimating to the knowledge!

That does remind me, I have my own runes to learn and start using, too… should I begin practicing that before I start learning new ones?

“Wait. Before you do any of that… there’s more on the page?”

Huh?

I will add as much as I can! This book is a great resource but it is also a bit outdated, after all it’s been almost 80 years since its writing!

Don’t give up! We will see this through!

— Giovanni.

If I leave that idiot in charge of the notes he will undoubtedly forget things. Take his optimism with a grain of salt.

Pay attention.

— Mustafá.

Annotations?

I quickly open the file on my computer to compare… and just as I thought, these annotations are not on the scanned version. The beginning is exactly the same, but the writing makes it obvious that these two were written at different times, by the same hand but, still, copied individually!

I look down at my physical version again. Who are these people? And why did they feel the need to vandalize the book like this? I can only beg for them to actually make sensible and useful comments. If this book is as old as they say, maybe the updates will be a good thi–

Wait, only 80 years? I thought a book like this would be at least a century old.

Maybe magic is surprisingly modern after all!

“Fat chance. Gato quoted one of his sources, ‘Metodología del Fantástico’, which should be around five hundred years old.”

Hmmm, whatever the case… I should ask someone about this.

But I can’t just go right back to the Chatbox after saying I would be busy, that would be silly! I instead connect to the Messenger.

Pepe is not online, probably planning a cool vacation with his family or something. Vito is out drawing, Patricio is online but busy… ah, there it is! The group Gal made. Someone should know something there…

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Hi hi! n.n Anyone here?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: hey Tav, just me for now! the others are busy or snoring.
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: I wish I could go for some zzz right now
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Is it late where you live? o.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: early, we have a few hours of difference between Wohl and Rayah.

The Commonwealth of Rayah… that’s on the literal other side of Jericho, so of course we have half a day of difference!

xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Wait O.o is it like, five in the morning over there then!?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: eyeup
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: today I gotta take care of granny’s business and that means waking up EARLY
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Damn u.u I hope you have a good day, remember to keep hydrated!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: hah, will do, will do.
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Hmmm… hey, sorry to bother you with this but, I gotta ask… uwu
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Have you ever heard of Mustafá and/or Giovanni? uwu
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: in what context?
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: those are names, you’re saying names right now
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: In magic contexts? O.o
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: not a clue, sorry
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Bah, probably just a couple of randos then u.u
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Oh well, thank you anyways! n.n
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: where did you even find those names?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: Ah! I found them in the physical version of the book you sent me!
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: why did you go looking for that?
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I don’t like reading in electronic media TwT
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: hmmm ok but be careful
GalaxyTaco to your rescue!: don’t go testing the knowledge of randos or something like that
xXxCallMeBigCookiexXx: I won’t, I won’t -u- I will be nice and careful!

Cracking my knuckles, I finally get back into the book. Finally, some answers at hand!

im trying to get over him, and im just thinking, what if i never find someone i like, like really like, there's like a couple of guys that are interested in me and they're like (no offense) way better looking than him but they dont have that trait im looking for, their personality just doesnt align with mine.
i met this guy online, hes so funny, like ive never met someone as funny as him. I LIKED HIM FOR AWHILE, then stopped liking him, then liked him again, im pretty sure at some point he liked ME BACK, but i knew that we both aren't confessing to eachother, and i was actually just unsure if he liked me
he started sending me ig reels of silly things like "this initial is cute" and it'd be an initial that's not in my name and put 😍 emojis on it cs thats his humor
i rant abt him all the time to my friend, cs i thought we were going somewhere.
then he stopped talking to me for a couple of days cs he has a new group of friends cs they have some sort of prom goin on, then all he did was send me updates about his prom.
this morning, he messaged me, saying he was gonna ask a girl out. knowing him i thought he was only asking her out cs he had no one else to go with, but the girl reacted with a heart emoji to his message.
then a few hours later i catch him playing my fav game (he knows its my fav) w her and it just hurted me lmao
like im not even sure if right now i like him like that, he doesnt have any redeeming physical qualities, he plays guitar which is cool.. but what rlly attracted me to him was that he was funny and we just got along really well. disliking the same people, reacting the same way when someone does smth crazy. same humor
i dont think im jealous? i think im just scared that hes gonna ditch me, once they turn into a couple hes gonna forget abt me, but i understand, id hate for my future bf to have a girl bsf, so ill respect the girl's boundaries.
idk maybe im rushing too fast to date, but ive never liked someone else like i like him . and i dont like people that much, i find most of the ppl i talk to really atrocious, idk how to explain it
so im js worried that if i lose him, hes all im gonna think abt when i talk to new ppl, how they dont have his personality and stuff and its PISSING ME OFF AND MAKING ME SAD
hes genuinely had a BIG effect on my recent humor, i wasnt like this 8 months ago when we met.
and also js recently ever guy ive liked ive just hated right after, like right now i hate him, i wanna unfriend him on everything.
im just really scared that ill compare everyone i meet to him, maybe i just havent found the right person yet, but its genuinely hard
ALSO LMAO, at some point I KNEW i needed to get over him, i watched a fuckin "how to get over a breakup" video AND WE WERENT EVEN TOGETHERRRR

I was just watching a video about the Tesla Cybertruck, and it made me realize something about the Steam Deck that I've felt from the first announcements, that led to me ordering one initially, but I've only now conceptualized: it's because, in this world of proprietal tech, you own your Steam Deck.
You can buy a Switch, but... on the understanding that you'll only play games bought from Nintendo for it. There's no real third-party market for games that Nintendo don't approve, at least not without jailbreaking it. We see this more and more: you buy technology, but it isn't really yours. Manufacturers feel entitled to dictate what you use your property for, presuming to make further profit after market. Isn't this idea - that you aren't just a consumer, you're a cow to be milked - utterly repugnant? And the fact that making your possessions do what you want them to do, rather than what their former owners want them to, is seen as an illicit activity is almost as bad.
But the Steam Deck? Well, they're streamlined to play Steam games, and I haven't seen one belonging to someone who doesn't intend to play Steam games on it. But you can play whatever you like on it, and I adore Valve's reaction every time someone asked about playing non-steam games on it, other marketplaces, other operating systems: a bemused "It's a PC. You can do whatever you like with it. We don't care. It's yours."
More than that, they offer replacement parts openly, release, ahem, "occasionally aggressive" OS patches, offer teardown videos (under the strict advisory that "I wouldn't if I were you") and operate a generous tech support regime.
I love my Deck. But I bought it because it promised to be an open platform, and I am delighted as biscuits that Valve have delivered on it.

So I had my procedure yesterday. First, thank you to everyone who respond to my initial post. I can’t thank you all enough.
I really wasn’t sure what to expect after waking up from surgery. I thought it was going to be a fistulotomy or seton place in, with the possibility of a partial hemorrhoidectomy. I woke up to a partial hemorrhoidectomy and an I&D for the perianal abscess, because they couldn’t find the opening on the inside.
The doctor and nurse explained how to remove the gauze that was pack in the wound after surgery. They stated to get in the shower, get it wet and gently pull it out. Then to put new gauze in. Well that’s great if you know what you’re looking at and/or doing! I have a nickel sized hole about an inch or so from my anus. Well the gauze is practically hanging out of the wound right now, and of course I’m pretty freaked out on the next step. I’m not in any pain at all, but I know that’s because of the lingering effects of everything they gave me yesterday. I’ve also have my first BM. No issues at all with that, but again I’m still medicated. I’m taking stool softener. Did last night and this morning. The plan is to take it twice a day for the first week. I’m also doing the same with Tylenol and Motrin, but alternating between the two.
Can someone please give me some best practices on how to do this?
Also how often do I need to repack this wound, because I’m not sure what “as needed“ looks like?
Thanks for any help you can give me with this.

Is anyone interested in using Twitter Spaces for live discussions, to share ideas, experiences and to network?
How it would work:
We would come up with a topic and someone would make a Twitter Spaces for it, I do not have to be the host, then post the link here so that others could join.
We can discuss our experiences with drop shipping, how to leverage AI tools in business, how to setup a TikTok shop, marketing through social media, how to get into franchising, buying/leasing real estate, running a laundromat/coffee shop/etc., the topics are endless.
For those of us that work at home, this could be a way for us to stay plugged in and keep motivated.
I used to host networking rooms in Clubhouse where I would put people from different industries together in the same room to network and share knowledge. Those rooms were open to the public. People from the public would come in and ask questions and network as well. Because the Clubhouse app no longer works the same way that's the reason I am suggesting using Twitter Spaces.
After our daily discussions we could post a link to the session recording (Twitter spaces allows for the discussions to be recorded right in the app) to continue the discussion here. This will be a way to archive the discussions and be a way for people who missed the live discussion to contribute and catch up.
Let me just say again, I do not have to host I just have experience hosting these types of discussions. If the community decides this is a thing we want, just make sure the person who starts the daily discussion/topic that he/she checks to make sure a discussion isn't already scheduled for the day or currently running.

I have seen some speculate that asa might be asexual because she said she thinks sex is gross. That might be the case it's possible that asa just really is disgusted by it but I do want to look at it from another perspective.
Here's why I think she might not actually hate the idea of it or think it's gross.
So...denji's constant horniness is pretty relatable to most teenage guys right? The obsession and fascination with the female body and sex is part of puberty for most guys.
Well as a girl I think asa's prudish behavior is pretty understandable and something a lot of teenage girls also experience.
First of all when you're a self conscious teenage girl you tend to hate looking at your own body, you can't view yourself as sexual or desirable and you can't imagine a guy viewing you like that either because of it.
Most teenage girls tend to like the romantic aspect of being with a guy but are too shy and ashamed to express anything past that even if they do feel sexual desire.
Asa wants a boyfriend and she does feel attracted to denji but I think she's too ashamed and self conscious to admit to actual sexual desire.
Asa views romantic relationships the way Denji views sexual relationships...she thinks it will fix her loneliness and longing for affection.
Just as denji learns that sex alone can be pretty unsatisfactory if there is no romantic connection/attraction involved asa will have to learn that sexual desire is just something that naturally comes with romantic love and attraction and its nothing to be ashamed or grossed out by.
It's two sides of the same coin if you think about it.
She says "sex is gross" and rejects the idea of it completely because deep down she doesn't think any guy would view her that way anyway and women are also very vulnerable during sex so its not an easy thing to open yourself up to someone like that.
Society especially eastern societies shame women from expressing sexual desire especially young women...by pretending to be disgusted by it or not needing it at all a lot of women are simply trying to keep up the facade of "virtue and purity" but also trying to convince themselves that they don't need it anyway if that makes sense.
So yeah it might just be that asa just thinks sex is gross and it's not deeper than that but I feel like her prudish behavior is pretty understandable.

I hope you are doing better today than yesterday. (TLDR at the end; or enjoy my story :) )

Why:

About 11 months ago, I launched my app here for the first time because I had previously experienced loneliness myself during grad school. I wanted to reach out to people going through similar experiences by providing them with what would’ve helped me in the past.
I felt this was an important mission for me and a much more rewarding one than my day job that I quit my job to work on the app full-time.
It was necessary because I did not come from a programming background. I knew how to program in the sense of running scientific simulations on MATLAB, but creating the front-end and back-end for a consumer app was totally new to me, so I had to learn from scratch.
I enjoyed everyday going to a cafe to learn from programming crash courses on YouTube, developing the app little by little, and eventually launching the app! The initial response was actually pretty great: 220 upvotes for the app launch post I made here, which I proudly pinned in my bio :)

How:

I made the app to be based on voice, and nothing else: no profiles, no profile photos, and even no texting. The reason for that was I felt a lot of people felt lonely and had trouble finding meaningful online connections because of the modern communication medium which actually promotes superficial and viral contents over authentic and long-form contents. It is easy to see from examples: TikTok’s 30 second videos, Instagram’s eye-popping photos by beautiful people from the globe, and Twitter(X)’s 140-char spicy takes. Sure, these platforms offer us information about DIYs, trends, and news that can enrich our lives and entertain us, but they don’t by all means help us feel more connected to individuals. Even on Reddit, the contents tend to be more wholesome and there are hilarious comments that build on top of each other, but the actual sense of connection you feel with the users is tenuous.
Focusing on voice worked! It was incredible listening to the heartfelt messages from strangers from all over the world who opened up about their loneliness and didn’t mind being vulnerable to other strangers. I have personally spoke with everyone that came by. The 14k minutes of voice messages do not include my own voice messages; they are all messages that people left for their own posts, to each other, or as replies to me.

Highlights:

There were some incredible moments, which would be too long to share in this post (leave a comment if you want to hear more!), but some of the highlights were (note: these are all from public conversations):

• Lady in New Brunswick, Canada was extremely depressed after a difficult divorce and felt being on the life’s edge. She was getting scammed left and right on dating apps and was losing hope. She told me that I was the only one that she felt she could trust and talk to, and she probably wouldn’t be here if I ever stopped talking to her. Thankfully, she eventually managed to find a boyfriend and she thanked me for having always been there for her. She still came back to the app to act as a supporter for other lonely souls for a while!
• Gentleman in New York, USA felt isolated in a farm and felt he had no real connections with anyone. He shared with me and other users about his life growing various vegetables, but stopped coming on the app for a couple of months. When he came back, he was pleasantly surprised by the app’s development, felt I really believed in my mission to help lonely souls, and became an evangelist for my app :) He posted on several forums on Reddit and engaged in conversations with many users on the app.

What was also incredible was that there were not only people experiencing loneliness here, but also people who did not feel lonely but were on the app to support others going through loneliness. They would share stories and studies related to loneliness in their posts, and also try to talk to some lonely folks on the app who seemed very hardened by their experience of loneliness which made them cynical and pessimistic. The concept of compassionate listening by Thich Nhat Hanh and Polyvagal theory that explains 3 levels of our nervous system are a few things they mentioned that come to my mind. Unfortunately, these efforts by supporters were often, so to speak, ineffective in solving people’s loneliness.

What I learned:

And that was part of what made it so hard to have a sustainable ecosystem on my app: many people who have been lonely for a long period of time had their personalities and social skills hardened to the point that they either:

• did not know how to engage with others by understanding social cues and sharing stories about themselves that allow themselves to be vulnerable to others, which allows for deeper social connections
• felt they are never good enough, they are stuck in their situation, and there is nothing that can help them get better. Any help or suggestions offered by others would only work on others and did not apply to them.

My hope for the app was to help people who experience loneliness find and support each other. By providing the platform for them to voice out their stories, have them be heard by others, and find others who resonate and reply, I thought they would finally find friends whom they can relate to, share their lives with, and would no longer have to feel lonely again.
However, the reality was that many were hardened by loneliness and it was hard for such connections to materialize. Plus, one of the main ways for an app like this to grow is by word of mouth. Unfortunately, most people experiencing loneliness did not have anyone to share the app with, which stunted the app’s growth and mostly depended on me manually bringing users onto the platform.
With fewer chances of having good interactions, even the people who really resonated with the app and shared stories slowly stopped coming back. Some just suddenly ghosted, which made the experience on the app painful for other engaged people on the app.

My hope for the future:

I still believe that there are more people out there experiencing loneliness who have the deep desire to share their stories and find the long-term friends across the globe who understand each other and can share slices of their lives with.
So, if you are someone that can benefit from sharing stories and solve your loneliness this way, feel free to check out my app at https://bubblic.app
Also, if you know of any way I can improve the app to better help people experiencing loneliness, please leave a comment.
Lastly, word of mouth would really help. If you like the app, or if you know someone who would benefit from the app, please share it with others!

TLDR:

I created an app focused on voice communication to help lonely people connect, inspired by my own experiences. Despite an encouraging start and meaningful interactions, many users struggled to form lasting connections due to the deep impact of their loneliness. Growth has been slow, mainly reliant on my efforts. If you know someone who might benefit, please share my app: https://bubblic.app. Feedback is also welcome!

My dad kind of revealed a family secret. His health is deteriorating before my eyes and I'm seeing his once strong and wide physique shrink and him becoming frail.... It hurts to see
He sat down in his chair and said he thought he was having a stroke.
He kept talking to himself. Talking about death. About how he wasnt afraid to die and he was practically dueling death before my eyes. He said "You don't scare me you son of a bitch" to open air in front of us and we were none the wiser about what was happening.
He then said something I never thought he would say. He said that he felt euphoric. He started talking about altered states and how sometimes when he was doing his work as a doctor he would go into these states. That he felt things.
He tried to tell my mom. She didn't understand. She was completely speechless. It was like she was too afraid to talk. All this was terrifying to her. But I was right there with him the entire time. He asked my brother if he had any intellectual interests and my brother replied that he liked video games. My dad cursed under his breath, disappointed.
The my mom said "Ask her." My father never really looks at me. We never talk. And he turned to look at me. I told him that I understood.
Relief washed over his face. We talked about individuation, Jung vs Freud, we talked about quantum physics and the physical world versus the spirit world. It felt like he'd heard me for the first time in my entire life and I heard him.
Politically we're very different. He's a Southern conservative man raised Baptist turned Catholic and his dedication to Jesus and Politics take a turn to the fanatical at times and it's caused a lot of arguments with him and my mom. Bad ones. Almost physical.
He was an alcoholic when I was small and that left me deeply traumatized. I thought he would kill us. I thought he would kill everyone. His hulking physique and alcohol were a lethal pairing. He even admitted to hiring someone to kill his ex girlfriend when he was drunk but thank God it fell through.
So there's a lot between us. I feel like we had no understanding of each other whatsoever. We lived in different planets, different universes even. Parallel but never truly touching. Never once seeing.
This was probably the first proper conversation I've had with him in years. We go weeks without saying a word or even looking up when we enter the room. Nothing.
But knowing that I saw him calmed him down from his delirium. He relaxed visibly and was no longer fighting death. He settled down and ate ice cream. But he'd told me something that had shook me to my very core.
He said that this ran in the family. His grandmother said she saw heaven. Ironically about a week ago I was crying bittersweet tears because I saw heaven too. Or something like it. I saw the afterlife. It was beautiful and terrifying. I woke up in tears.
I'd never been happier and I'd never been sadder. A major truth was revealed to me. That on this earth plane we can't experience the love we're capable of.
The love I felt transcended everything I felt. Everything I thought love was is just a speck compared to the light I felt.
I knew I would never feel this again. I would never feel this happy again. I will never feel this love again. And maybe if we remembered we could feel it....
So that hit me hard. My entire life I thought I was the freak in the family. That I was alone. That no one could possibly feel what I felt, especially within my own family. They'd never understand me.
So that door was blown wide open for me. It was living under my nose the entire time. The entire time there were two mystics under one house and we were too afraid to see it in one another.
Too stubborn. Too stuck in old stories. I'm also incredibly sensitive. I feel like my dad is too in some ways. I've never seen him cry. He didn't even cry when his mother died. He says he'll never cry for anyone. And he blows up in anger so easily. So of course he's sensitive like I am. Just in a different way.
I'm also on the autism spectrum so that adds another layer of alienation and I just know that my dad is autistic too.
That day I shoved it all beneath me. My mother was terrified. She was looking to me for answers.
"Is he crazy?" she asked.
"No. " I answered honestly.
He wasn't crazy. Because if he was crazy then I was crazy. But I know what I feel is REAL. She kind of brushed it off and called him a schizophrenic. It hurt.
But I pushed it down anyway. The next day I woke up terrified. I didn't know why. I just felt so anxious. I tried breathing exercises, everything but the sense of dread was still there.
I'd seen my father around all my life, miserable, angry and getting sick. If that's what hiding your radiance and gifts does to you then I don't want it.
I don't want to die when I barely turned 60. I don't want to grey and limp and fall in the bathroom, busting my head open then do nothing about it. It was like he was letting himself die. He wanted to. He said he wanted to.
I saw a part of me in that. The part that was scared. That felt judged. That hid. That felt like such a weirdo. Watching my dad made me realize that it would slowly kill me like a slow acting venom.
I was seeing it before my eyes. He didn't have anyone to understand him all these years. And probably in his home life too....And look at what it'd done.
He was a big angry man hiding gifts and altered states and possibly even God inside of him. And so was I.
We were both hiding.
I couldn't live like that.
I went to the bathroom and cried by myself for awhile and no one knew.
I didn't know what to do with this information and I still don't... But it's there. The story is there. And it's a bittersweet story.
I don't know what I'm going to do with these gifts.
I hope I can make us proud.
One day.

I’m a (22, M) Capricorn man who has a crush on a wonderful (21, F) Cancer woman. We met a week before finals week (school was ending); we go to the same university.
Here’s the context (sorry if this is too long):
How we first met was due to her needing help editing her dance video (she is a dance major) and I was called up to help her edit her video (I’m a film production major). When we were working together, she pointed to a guy in the video who was in her dance team and told me she had a huge crush on him. She even told me she confessed her love to him but it didn’t work out because of his sexuality status. I was sort of mad? b/c why would someone I just met make me jealous like that. Anyways, towards the end before we departed, I asked her if she had any finals to study for next week. She said yes, but she told me she does’t know what to do because she has a lot of free. As soon as she said that, my overthinking and delulu cap mind thought she was hinting that I should ask her out for food or something. So I did. She said yes with a smile, and we decided to get food during finals week next week.
Finals week approaches, I pick her up, we go get food. I've read that Cancers can be initially shy and reserved until they feel comfortable with someone to open up. But she was not shy at all – very bubbly. I could see her blush a bit, but even on the way to the restaurant, she was the one leading the conversation and even at the restaurant. She was asking a lot of questions to learn more about me – I think it also has to do with the cross cultural curiosity too because we are both from different countries. But she would ask questions like what I want to do in the future, etc. Then she also shared a lot about her family which I thought she was opening up a lot compared to what I've read about Cancer women. She told me about her mother, her sisters, etc and how excited she was to go back to see them soon.
After the food date(?) or thing (I think we were there for like two hours), I tried to be romantic or more respectful, I guess, so I opened the passenger door for her to get in, and as I was walking over to my side of the car to get in, I peaked over her and she was smiling and I could see her blush (again, I don’t know if its a capricorn thing but I really try to observe every little detail and overthink them every night). Anyways, I dropped her off at her dorm, I got out of the car to say goodbye, she opened her arms to give me a hug. We said goodbye but I didn’t really say too much about next plans because I didn’t want to be rushing or pushing and also summer break literally was about to start, and also I just met her.
Any advice from those who understand Cancer women's behavior better or insights from fellow Capricorn individuals who have been in similar situations would be greatly appreciated. What does this show about her? My delulu mind keeps overthinking to the point where I’m reading all about Cancer women on reddit and trying to confirm if she perhaps is into me or maybe she is just an outgoing person who just likes food dates with random people for fun 💀
Thank you all for your astrological wisdom and guidance!

I have been dating someone for some time on and off for 4 years actually. But it has been a rocky relationship as. She wouldn't speak to me for months and then comes back when she is lonely and depressed. Coz I'm always available and soft hearted guy I give in plus I'm so head over heels for her. However I felt that I need to move on and find some stability in my life especially in a relationship. So we haven't spoken for like 5 months and last night she contacts me crying feeling depressed and lonely and I told her I don't want to be with her anymore and I can't be her friend either because I love her too much and friendship won't work. Anyway she gets so upset saying she loves me and that I'm running away from the relationship and I'm a coward but she isn't realising in reality there is no relationship coz she keeps ghosting me for months and I, the dweeb keep giving in. Do you think I did the right thing by telling her it's over and we can't do this anymore. Some how i just feel horrible.

I’m not good at being particularly open with many people, but I can be open to an extent/friendly on a basic level. But sometimes I meet people I feel I can open up to that bit more and would like to be closer with (non-romantic, I’m not interested in relationships) and I just don’t know how to do that. Like if someone were to say “open up, tell me what’s bothering you” I can do that to an extent because it’s clear, but I don’t know how to go about fostering closer friendships between others.
Eg at work - I work with some really lovely people who I feel I really trust and we all seem to have eachothers’ best interests and work well together as a great team. I feel I’ve become a lot closer to these people throughout this school year (I work in a school) and it’s really nice to have them around. They’ve been incredibly supportive of me and I’m openly very appreciative of that.
But I feel like there’s boundaries in friendship that I don’t know how to cross if that makes sense? Like I was thinking recently, and I notice a lot of people will go into others’ classrooms and have a chat first thing in the morning, often they’re all chatting and I’m on my own but I don’t know how I can just waltz on in there and say good morning and start a chat without just being awkward and it being like ‘why is she here’ although I know they’d be too nice to say that - I feel like maybe they have important things to catch up on and I don’t? And like today, one of the colleagues I get on well with was talking about a child getting in another’s personal space and demonstrating, nearly used me for the demo but then said something and used someone else instead - I feel like maybe she thinks the closeness would have made me uncomfortable when actually, when I feel comfortable with someone like I do her and the others, I like physical connection. She could very possibly suspect I’m autistic (undiagnosed and don’t talk about it) based on her knowledge from work and things I’ve shared online. But I feel I’m giving off the wrong signals, like I don’t want any more than necessary closeness, like I’m doing something wrong and I don’t know what? I feel like I’ve built up my relationships more with them a lot recently due to a situation where I had to report someone at work, and their unwavering help and support throughout that - but it was easier as it was a very black and white situation and they hold the same opinions that I do and were more than happy to support me.
It’s hard for me to say accurately, as the depression/generalised anxiety disordeOCD (these are diagnosed) have been acting up a lot lately and I don’t think the most recent meds I’m on have been working for me but there’s hurdles to jump before trying something different. But I feel so different and left out even though I think I’m just being unnecessarily sensitive and based on their attitudes towards me I feel like they don’t want me to feel that way at all.
Idk what I’m expecting by posting this. Replies, advice, listening, anything all welcome. Thanks for reading

I can’t believe I am doing this; turning to the internet and people I will never meet for advice. But here I am!
So my fiancé - 35F and I, 34M have been together for over four years now and we’re less than a month away from our wedding. However, the last almost month has been really tough for both of us; I’ve been dealing with a huge loss and her anxiety is absolutely through the roof.
We’ve been fighting almost constantly and there have been a few times she has shared thoughts about how worried she is about our future together and things we will have to work through, and everytime it’s something different - religion, family, career, compromise on both sides, our differences in sex drive, etc. I love her and want to have a life with her but it’s just so exhausting - it feels like no matter what, it’s always something lately. A pattern I’ve noticed too is when she brings something up that’s bothering her, it’s usually been on her mind for at least a week and she’s just been hiding it. So, her ability to mask her emotions and compartmentalize with such ease is very alarming to me.
I’m not sure really what I should do here. Again, I am in love with my fiancé, however I like to consider myself realistic as well and know that even though love is the most important thing (you shouldn’t marry someone if you don’t love them,) love in and of itself isn’t enough….at least I don’t think it is. I know that postponing might be an option, which I also want to avoid at all costs because if after so many years and things we’ve been through as a couple - will it really make a difference?
Any advice I’m open to because I want this to work so badly, but I’m too embarrassed to ask people in my life for help out of fear of judgment or embarrassment. I’ve found that there are countless resources for women that have either been in or are currently in this situation. But almost none for men.
What should I do?

I've been searching for gratitude and counting the blessings I'm the middle of the chaos. However I could really use some verses or points of encouragement.
To preface, I have an autoimmune disease and nothing will trigger a bad flare faster than stress. My grandmother has been ill and now we've put her in the hospice program but she's still at home. To manage care however it requires three of us within a 24 hour time to take shifts, sometimes overlapping, feeding, lifting her for the bathroom, meds, breathing treatments, etc. Occasionally we have other family able to sit with her but they can't to the more difficult tasks and my grandmother is a very modest and private person. Bringing in someone to help isn't an option as it will cause her additional stress. My parents are still with me and I feel very blessed with that, however my mother a few years ago had a brain hemorrhage and it effected her in a way similar to Alzheimer's and she is sometimes emotionally childlike and can have outbursts and so far I've feel like I have been able to somewhat manage helping her handle those but with the family stress of my grandmother's illness and her no longer having her routine, it has become harder for her and in turn me being able to help her. Then yesterday I found out my Dad has cancer. Stage 1 and operable but it's cancer.
These are the big ones. Work, marriage and other family issues we all have of course factor in but right now I'm just trying to manage on the most basic level.
I can find some obvious blessings in all of this. My dad's cancer was found early. Right now I'm physically in a state of remission. My mom's illness, even though more challenging, will be more manageable when things settle down. My grandmother has not had any pain. My job, although it's a huge financial stress right now and bills are piling up, is at least flexible in giving me this time to help her. My husband is trying hard to be supportive and my kids are healthy. So I give glory to God in all things because what seems pretty awful can bring blessings. However, I am tired. I am so unbelievably tired and I could use some points of perspective. I don't think I've even opened my Bible in weeks although I know that's where I should start.
You have always been great about leading others through a crisis. So this time I am the one looking for some help to lead me though.
Thanks in advance. ❤️

Doing another reread of Blood Meridian, and just finished the section of David Brown’s arrest through the Yuma Massacre of the gang. I feel like this obviously is a very pivotal moment in the gang’s history as it lead to their destruction, but also has an air of mystery surrounding some of the events in this time frame that fascinates me. I’d like show a few points that come to mind and some questions to fellow readers.
Glanton’s Apathy: “Glanton supervised with some interest the raising of the walls about him but otherwise left his men to pursue the business at the crossing with a terrible latitude. He seemed to take little account of the wealth they were amassing although daily he’d open the brass lock with which the wood and leather trunk in his quarters was secured and raise the lid and empty whole sacks of valuables into it.” After establishing themselves taking over the ferry and robbing those who came to use it, I get the feeling Glanton just falls into a state of complete apathy. He seemed to have no interest in how his men ran the ferry or even how much money they were making with this new racket. After spending basically the whole novel up to this point going from one place to another to kill people or stay a step ahead of harm’s way, at the ferry he is simply existing. What is the reason behind this sudden loss of all motivation?
Rescue of David Brown: So Davy lights an officer on fire and gets thrown in jail. After Toadvine and Webster tells Glanton, he immediately rounds up 5 nameless gang members and sets off towards San Diego to rescue him. Two questions I’ve pondered on this event: Would Glanton have launched a rescue if it was anyone else in the gang? And, why did he not take any of his veterans with him? This question leads into the next topic, but I find it strange that he leaves behind the judge and basically all the named gang members who we know have been riding with him a while to rob harmless travelers while he goes on what could be a dangerous rescue mission.
Glanton Abandoned: After finding out that David Brown escaped jail, Glanton and his men spend two days getting blackout drunk and getting into a fight with soldiers. Then comes the line: “Glanton returned to Yuma alone, his men gone to the gold fields.” This casual reference to Glanton’s five men just leaving him in San Diego and hunting for gold went unnoticed to me on my first reading, but stuck out to me this time. At several points in the novel there’s mentions of Glanton or someone else in the gang inquiring about a missing gang member, and then we literally just had Glanton traveling to rescue another to not leave him behind, but then here all of a sudden we have a handful of his gang members just leaving for good and there’s no reaction by him or further action taken. Did the men tell him about their plan? Did he give his blessing? Or did they sneak off while he was drunk? I can’t imagine say Webster or Henderson Smith taking off like this, so again makes me wonder why Glanton picked who he did to go on his rescue mission, and not any of his more trusted fighters.
The judge in charge: During Glanton’s estimated two week absence, the judge had been appointed to be in charge of the ferry operations. Upon Glanton’s return, there are a few examples that immediately point towards things being off… The first thing he sees is “a young Mexican girl was crouched naked under the shade of the wall. She watched him ride past, covering her breasts with her hands. She wore a rawhide collar about her neck and she was chained to a post.” Next he rides into the compound, and finds it empty, no one is around. Riding down to look at the river, “the doctor came scrambling down the bank and seized Glanton by the foot and began to plead with him in a senseless jabber. He’d not seen to his person in weeks and he was filthy and disheveled and he tugged at Glanton’s trouserleg and pointed toward the fortifications on the hill. That man, he said. That man.” The judge is on the rise of the hill, naked except for a loose robe, with his new acolyte Black Jackson standing beside him in a similar garb. Later we have the passage: “By evening the drunkenness and revelry had begun afresh and the *shrieks of young girls** carried across the water to the pilgrims huddled in their camp*.”
So obviously some weird stuff has gone down in the last couple weeks. Young girls are chained outside on posts, the judge and at least one other gang member is strutting around basically naked except for a loose cloth, and it seems like it’s become a regular occurrence that the night it filled with the screams of young girls. The judge’s short rule over the ferry has made the doctor go mad with fright, and it seems his influence of turning some of the other men to his level of debauchery has taken root. (I don’t believe all of the men would partake in his ways, I think one of the reasons for the Tobin and kid to be so wary and antagonistic towards the judge at the well after the attack was because they saw what a monster he had become).
There’s a lot to unpack with what is going on in just a couple pages. To me it seems the judge has turned the ferry into his personal underage carnival of pleasure and sadism. His actions caused the doctor to run to Glanton of all people to try and help, even though the doctor is well aware of what type of man Glanton is. The lesser of two evils? Perhaps the doctor picked up that Glanton had been the only man who was able to keep the judge in check, and as soon as he was gone the judge was now off leash and immediately took the situation to an extreme. Unfortunately for the doctor and the young girls at the men’s mercy, Glanton’s apathy continues and he just goes to his quarters to get drunk.
Glanton’s Death - Coincidence, or Planned? - After my last reading of this section with Glanton being split to the thrapple, I had the thought “damn he got unlucky.” Like he was gone for two weeks or more, shows back up to camp, and then the Yumas attack and wipe out everyone. However, after that thought on the bad luck of his timing I got to thinking of the judge’s later conversation with the kid where he says that he told the jailers that the kid worked with the Yumas to plan the attack. Could someone have tipped the Yumas off to Glanton’s return as the right opportunity to attack? If it was all a coincidence, it’s something to think about that their revenge would have been a missed chance if they had attacked a couple days earlier when Glanton was still in San Diego. However, I don’t think or know why the kid would be the one to make this scheme. The only gang member really who I think could have done it and had a reason to do it is the judge. Maybe after getting a taste of power he didn’t want Glanton to ruin his fun, or maybe he felt his time with the gang had runs it’s course and he wanted to wipe them out as a sort of clean slate. Or maybe he just thought it would be funny, like what he did to Reverend Green in his introduction. What are your thoughts on the timing of the Yuma attack and the death of Glanton?
For some reason I just really love this short section in the novel, there’s a lot to think about and so few details that it leaves a lot open to the imagination.

The Battle for Zor'thal
The skies of Zor'thal burned red as the Insectoid swarm darkened the horizon, their shrill war cries piercing the air. Amid the chaos, Commander Sarah Williams stood at the edge of a crumbling barricade, her uniform scorched and tattered. She wiped the soot from her face and looked back at the terrified Zor'thali huddled behind her—a once-proud avian species now reduced to desperate survivors.
"Hold the line!" she shouted, her voice hoarse from days of relentless fighting. Human soldiers, battered but unbroken, snapped to attention, their faces steeled with determination. They had come to Zor'thal not for conquest, but to protect these gentle beings who painted the skies with colors unseen on Earth.
The battle raged on, and the humans fought with a ferocity that defied their exhaustion. Sarah's mind flashed back to a moment when a young Zor'thali child had handed her a small, hand-carved figure of a bird. "For luck," the child had said, eyes wide with hope.
Hours turned into days, and the Insectoids seemed endless. Sarah watched as Corporal James Reed, a seasoned soldier with a heart of gold, charged into the fray to save a wounded Zor'thali elder. He took a hit meant for the elder, his scream lost in the roar of the battle. Sarah's heart clenched, but she pressed on, her duty clear.
Finally, after a brutal final assault, the Insectoids were purged from the area. The battlefield was a graveyard of broken bodies and shattered dreams, but Zor'thal was saved. The Zor'thali wept as they mourned their dead and honored the humans who had fought so bravely.
Years later, at an interstellar summit, the Zor'thali Chancellor stood before a vast assembly. His feathers, once vibrant, were now dull with age, but his eyes shone with gratitude. He recounted the darkest days of the invasion, his voice trembling as he spoke of the human sacrifices.
A Xendari representative, known for his cynicism, interrupted, "Why should we trust the humans? They are known for their aggression and self-interest."
The room fell silent. Commander Sarah Williams, now an ambassador, rose from her seat. Her gaze was steady as she walked to the center of the hall. "When the Insectoids descended upon Zor'thal, they intended to eradicate every living being. We fought not for gain, but because it was the right thing to do. Thousands of our soldiers lie buried on Zor'thal, having given their lives to protect those who could not protect themselves."
She paused, her voice cracking with emotion. "I still carry the figure of a bird given to me by a Zor'thali child. It reminds me of why we fought. For them, for their future."
The Xendari representative, known for his bluster, found himself speechless. The truth hung heavily in the air.
The Defense of Iylara
The lush forests of Iylara were a living tapestry of greens and blues, now marred by the fiery onslaught of the Insectoids. Admiral James Harris stood on a ridge, his heart heavy as he surveyed the burning landscape. The Iylari, an aquatic species known for their wisdom, were fighting a losing battle. Their beautiful coral cities, once vibrant with life, were being reduced to rubble.
"Admiral, we need to fall back," a young lieutenant urged, his voice tinged with fear.
"No," Harris replied firmly. "We hold our ground. We are their last hope."
As the humans dug in, the Insectoids advanced, their insectile drones tearing through defenses. Harris watched as a group of Iylari children, their scales shimmering with tears, were shepherded to safety by human medics. He clenched his fists, determined to give them a future.
The battle was fierce. Harris led charge after charge, his mind a blur of strategy and survival. He saw Lieutenant Davis, barely twenty, carrying an injured Iylari on his back through a hail of enemy fire. Davis fell, his body shielding the Iylari from harm. Harris's chest tightened, but he couldn't afford to grieve—not yet.
After nearly a year of unrelenting combat, the Insectoids were finally repelled. The humans had paid a steep price, but the Iylari were saved. The once-pastoral fields of Iylara were scarred with the memory of their sacrifice.
Decades later, during a historic Galactic Council meeting, an elderly Iylari senator stood to speak. His scales had lost their luster, but his voice carried the weight of lived experience. "When the Insectoids came, we were doomed. It was the humans who stood with us, who fought and died for our freedom."
A Myraxian representative, known for his disdain of human involvement, sneered. "Why should we trust these humans? They are warriors, not diplomats."
The senator's eyes narrowed. "The humans are indeed warriors, but they are also protectors. When the Insectoids ravaged and consumed our forests and slaughtered and ate our people, it was the humans who stood with us. They asked for nothing in return, except to see justice done. I remember a young soldier, David, who carried me from the flames. He was just nineteen Terra years! "
Admiral Harris, now retired and attending as an honorary guest, nodded solemnly. The Myraxian opened his mouth to retort but found no words. The senator's voice trembled as he continued, "David gave his life so I could live. How many of us owe our lives to such sacrifice?"
The assembly was silent, the weight of their debt to humanity undeniable.
The Liberation of Vornax
The frigid plains of Vornax were a harsh and unforgiving battlefield. The Insectoids had invaded, enslaving the crystalline Vornaxians for use as biofuel. General Marcus Lee stood on the front lines, his breath visible in the freezing air. His troops were exhausted, but their resolve was unbreakable.
"General, our supplies are running low," Captain Rodriguez reported, her voice shaking from the cold.
"We can't stop now," Lee replied. "The Vornaxians are counting on us."
As they advanced through the ice and snow, Lee saw the desperation in the eyes of the Vornaxians. They had endured unimaginable horrors, and the humans had come to be their last hope. The humans fought in subzero temperatures, their bodies pushed to the brink, but they never wavered.
One night, as they set up camp, Lee sat by a fire with a young Vornaxian girl who had lost her family. She handed him a small, crystalline shard. "For courage," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Lee held the shard tightly, feeling the weight of her trust. The next morning, they launched a final assault on the Insectoids hive stronghold. The battle was fierce, and the humans fought with a primal fury. Lee watched as Sergeant Johnson, a father of two, charged into enemy lines to protect a group of Vornaxian prisoners. He fell, but his sacrifice allowed the prisoners to escape.
After two grueling years, the Insectoids were scorched from Vornax. The humans had liberated the planet, but the cost was high. The Vornaxians wept as they buried their saviors, their crystalline tears shimmering in the cold light.
Years later, at a commemoration ceremony on Vornax, an elder Vornaxian spoke before a gathered assembly of intergalactic dignitaries. His voice was filled with emotion as he recounted the sacrifices made by the humans. "They came to us in our darkest hour, not as conquerors, but as liberators."
A Kreeva representative, known for their isolationist views, scoffed. "Why do you honor the humans so? They are known for their imperial ambitions."
General Lee, attending as a guest of honor, stepped forward, his voice steady and powerful. "When the Insectoids enslaved the Vornaxians, we fought and died for their freedom. We did not conquer; we liberated. Thousands of human lives were lost to ensure that the Vornaxians could live free from tyranny."
The elder Vornaxian, crystalline eyes glistening, added, "The humans gave everything so that we could have our future. I still visit the grave of a human soldier who saved my family, who lies buried in our soil as one of our own. His name was Michael, and he was just twenty-three."
The Kreeva representative, usually quick to argue, found himself silent in the face of such conviction and sacrifice. The weight of the moment pressed down on the assembly.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Hi !
Looking for your next r /HFY/ Military Sci-Fi fix ?
Do you like slow world building and fast past action ?
Try my book on K.U !
Please give it a read and review. I would love to hear what you have to say.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D4R7V3YB

I won't say that I am writing a proper review or something. Just sharing my personal experience with my Xiaomi 12T. Excuse my English, it's not my first language. Btw I am from SEA, the weather here is either hot most of the time or just a little bit cold because of heavy rain during rainy season. Some of the most popular games here I would say are ML/Mobile Legends (still playing on my 12T) and PUBGM/PUBG Mobile (stop playing on my 12T cause I play on my iPad).
First of all, why do I bought my current Xiaomi 12T? Because my phone before, Poco X3 Pro, just died while I am PUBG Mobile. When I search through the internet, I figured it out that there're many Poco X3 Pro out there with the same problem as mine. So, I brought it to the closest service center and it is the motherboard burn or something. And, the cost for replacing the motherboard is like >90% of the price I paid for when I bought my Poco X3 Pro. The customer service's staff advice me not to repair it, so I do. At this point, I just use my Poco X3 Pro for almost one year and a half (1.5 year) which is unacceptable because my phone before that the Xiaomi Redmi Note 5 being my main for 3.5 years at least. Even though, my Redmi Note 5 is just sitting on my desk, it is still alive until today which make it almost 6 years. I just open and charge it once in while. And for it entire lifespan, I just change it's battery and charging port, that's all.
So, even though part of me being "I won't buy Xiaomi any more" because of my not so good experience with my Poco X3 Pro. There's still part of me feel like giving Xiaomi a second chance with 2 reasons.

1. I have a very good experience with my Redmi Note 5. Even though I tortured it as much as my Poco X3 Pro and try to bent it through the back like JerryRigEverything, it still survive.
   
2. Maybe I just being unlucky and got into problem this time around with my Poco X3 Pro. Like, that's why warranty exist because it's not like 100% product manufactured is completely perfect. Unfortunately, mine is out of warranty. And maybe this is why an ex-flagship chip Snapdragon 860 can be put inside such a budget device.
   

So, while waiting for my Xiaomi 12T, I back to using my Redmi Note 5. Even though it was lagging and "old smartphone problem" everything, it still get the basic job done. Then, my Xiaomi 12T arrived. I can't really remember my whole experience from the beginning to right now with 12T as I don't write on note or something, I will just write this base on my memories.
First few weeks/month, honeymoon phase some will say. Few things that I notice compared to my Poco X3 Pro is that the 120Hz is much smoother and the AMOLED is beautiful. 108mp is an upgrade compared to 48mp on Poco X3 Pro, I keep zooming and testing on the camera and the snap/shutter is much more responsive. 120w is really fast and hot. Under display optical fingerprint scanner is much more convenient than side mounted fingerprint, not sure if it is faster. I can play ML at high graphic and Ultra/120fps frame rate, 90fps smooth on PUBGM. I really enjoy my Xiaomi 12T. So, I will say these is few things that I realized as a significant upgrade compared to Poco X3 Pro.
So here are a few problems or things that I personally don't like with my Xiaomi 12T. 1. PUBGM even though 90fps is enable, it was not that enjoyable. Meshes/Texture was not completely rendered. I am not sure if this is the correct word. Like, I can see the building and structure but the surface of those building and structure take few seconds or never rendered.

1. I rarely use the ultrawide unless I really need it. Never touch the macro lens, I rather use the main camera and zoom/crop in. Main camera is good with enough light and not-that-good on lowlight situation. The other thing I don't really like is the colour processing on the default camera app as I don't see such problem with third party app. Which is the black colour or dark area being processed quite weird, it look unnatural in my eyes.
   
2. Sometime, quite rarely, it didn't detect when I try to charge it. I am sure it was charging but somehow the charging notification or something didn't appear. I can solved it by unplug and re plug again. If that doesn't work, I will try to reboot the device. Then, it detect the charging.
   
3. "Power button ghosting" I would say. It rarely happened but the first time it happened it was really frustrating as I can't use my phone as it continue to power off and power on itself for half a day. The next time this almost-same problem happened again, it is not that problematic and frustrating as the first time but still a problem.
   
4. ML unstable performance. Sometimes, if it's alright, I can do high graphics 120fps. When it was not alright, no matter what I do even though put the graphic on low, it still lagging/low frame rate. When war, it can drop under 15 fps when not alright. I don't use app or tool to measure, but my eyes know that is definitely under 15 fps. So, I tried to delete some games and heavy stuff and maintain my storage around 200GB/256GB, it was alright for a while. Then, it come back again. I tried to delete some stuff more, it seem to not disappeared. Maybe I should delete more stuffs, but what the points of me buying 256GB if I can't use it all.
   

All in all, I have a good time with my Xiaomi 12T if the above problem does not occur. Maybe because I become much more tech-nit-picky as my knowledge about smartphone and technology increased and I know how a good phone should act. It's a midrange device after all, I know I can't expect it to perform like a flagship.