Nice things to do for your boyfriend

I know a lot of people are talking about her recreating the Bejeweled music video in her relationship with Travis but she’s obviously doing Blank Space too. Not a new thought but worth diving more into.
Travis says it’s his favorite song. The Lake Como Villa looks a lot like the one in the Blank Space MV. I was also realizing that at the end of the MV, the next guy/PR relationship shows up in a red convertible which reminded me a lot of the convertible we first see them get into after the first football game she attended.
The lyrics of Blank Space fit so well. I’ve got my thoughts below. What else do you all see?
———-
Nice to meet you, where you been? I could show you incredible things Magic, madness, heaven, sin Saw you there and I thought "Oh, my God, look at that face You look like my next mistake Love's a game, wanna play?" Ay

Taylor chooses her next beard - this time it’s Travis. Love’s a game, wanna play? Might as well pick a football player to make the game analogy more obvious. She can show him amazing things. Make his Hollywood dreams come true.

—
New money, suit and tie I can read you like a magazine

Travis is the epitome of new money, suit & tie with his flamboyant dressing style. Pin stripe three piece suits, etc. She can read him like a magazine because he’s not deep enough to be a book.

—
Ain't it funny? Rumors fly And I know you heard about me So hey, let's be friends

Travis goes on his podcast and talks about wanting to give her a friendship bracelet (lol) causing rumors to fly.

—
I'm dying to see how this one ends Grab your passport and my hand I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

Travis says how they are planning to travel all over Europe together this summer during Eras. Get that passport ready Buddy.

—
So it's gonna be forever Or it's gonna go down in flames You can tell me when it's over, mm If the high was worth the pain Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane 'Cause you know I love the players And you love the game

Is it going to be worth it Travis? We know you love the game.

—
'Cause we're young, and we're reckless We'll take this way too far

Will they actually get engaged? Will they get married? How far will they take it?

—
It'll leave you breathless, mm Or with a nasty scar Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane But I've got a blank space, baby And I'll write your name

Travis’s favorite song? She blows him a kiss during this song? C’mon

—
Cherry lips, crystal skies I could show you incredible things Stolen kisses, pretty lies You're the King, baby, I'm your Queen

I feel So High School. Almost like Tayvis is Homecoming King & Queen right? Stolen kisses backstage, on a boat in Italy… it’s true, swear, scouts honor.

—
Find out what you want Be that girl for a month

Travy wants a WAG, right? Taylor says bet, I can be the Waggiest Wag to ever Wag. I’ll drape myself in Chiefs gear and show up to every game. She can be that girl for a while…

—
Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh, no Screaming, crying, perfect storms I can make all the tables turn

Until she drops TTPD. Completely about an ex. She’s screaming, she’s crying, she’s craaaaaaazy. Wait where did the fun, bubbly WAG go?

—
Rose garden filled with thorns Keep you second guessing like "Oh, my God, who is she?" I get drunk on jealousy But you'll come back each time you leave 'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream

Stories come out about how she can’t bear to be without him. She’s insecure, maybe jealous? Photos show them looking sad, bored, over it. Is the daydream starting to feel like a nightmare?

—
Boys only want love if it's torture Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya Boys only want love if it's torture Don't say I didn't, say I didn't warn ya

Don’t say she didn’t warn you Travis. You already know, babe.

Hey guys, I have a problem that I guess is somewhere between a table dispute and a technical question. And it may not be directly a D&D problem, but this group gives such good advice and I am most comfortable talking about social conflicts within the realm of DND.
I started playing in the late 1970s with the original three books. I’ve come and gone from the hobby over the years. I don’t really like the Forever DM label, but I’ve started the lean into it because I realize that, aside from convention games where I sign up for a session, I’m just not gonna get anybody else to DM. But that’s not my problem.
I’m also quite often the oldest player at the table. I think that in someways kind of makes me the table parent or scout leader or whatever. Because we often play at my place I got in the habit of providing snacks. Sometimes it’s just chips and salsa. Sometimes I’ll bake some oatmeal cookies or something like that.
Now over the years there have been a few times when players have had specific food allergies or religious requirements or just preferences. I’ve done my best to take that into account. I think I’m pretty good at communicating usually, that’ll be part of a session 0, or I’ll talk to an individual player if they’re joining an existing group. it’s not overboard, it’s not like I have them fill out a form or anything, but over the years I have learned to ask certain basic questions about halal, kosher, vegan, pescatarian, gluten, nuts. So I have a good handle on that. I like the challenge of working within constraints.
At one point, we had a new player join the table for my Wednesday night game. To set some context, every party has its own tone and limits. My personal limits are pretty tame so it’s not like anything really wild is happening. The Wednesday night table specifically has no PVP actions; any weird backstory or side story stuff has to be negotiated; and kind of PG-13 level of humor and interaction. No explicit sex or gory violence.
This new player joins and he shows up with a character sheet for a hex blade warlock named Warc*ck. Unless you think I am Bowdlerizing the name, that’s exactly how they spelled it — with the asterisk. And they insisted that it was pronounced “Warrick”. Keep in mind we are all in the USA but many of us are fans of UK entertainment and so we have fun with names like Worcestershire and Cockburn and so this actually was funny to me.
HEY, if you are Warc*ck or anybody in the same group, or really if anybody recognizes who I am at this point, you should stop reading because there are spoilers.
(OK now that they’re not reading I should say that there aren’t any GAME spoilers but I do I want to talk honestly about the players at my table so I feel like now it’s safe to do so)
I was nervous that this Warcck was going to be the sort of person that can really mess up the dynamics and be the center of attention, but I put it to the group, and it turned out ok. Warcck is important to the issue but let me get back to them. Also they don’t have any dietary restrictions. I asked.
So I decided that I was going to really go all out for the last session we had before breaking for the holidays. This would have been late 2022, so post pandemic. I decided to go all out for a holiday meal. I got a Kurabota ham which was amazing, fresh made mashed potatoes, gravy, a sweet potato casserole, and the obligatory green beans that nobody ever eats. It was a big hit. We made situationally appropriate toasts and told tales of battles past and it was awesome.
Obviously I couldn’t do this for all four of my weekly sessions, one of which happens at a local game store anyway, but word got around and apparently some people were a little jealous. Instead of coming to me directly, some of the players started talking amongst themselves and comparing notes, and next thing I know, I have people from the other three nights approaching me and asking me if the Wednesday group is my favorite group, and if they’ve done anything to me, and stuff like that.
We have a meta discord and it just happens to be the day before Valentine’s Day 2023. To complicate things, the group that meets at the game store includes my ex. They also play a hexblade warlock, although that’s not directly pertinent to the story, but I think it’s interesting how many people gravitate towards that. Now my ex knows that one of my secrets is, I actually gave up eating pork a decade ago. I’m worried that they’re going to bring that up as evidence of my hypocrisy, that I’m willing to sit down with my favorite table and eat a nice big old slice of ham.
Fortunately, I was able to resolve all that by talking to people.
It did come up that I was letting the Sunday matinee group use some homebrew content and the Adventurer League Tuesday table was super snarky. But that’s another post for another day.
Also my ex never brought up my pork abstinence. I feel like I could defend it if I needed to, but it just seemed like that would’ve been the last straw when we were talking about favoritism and all the other things.
But now we come to the problem.
Fast forward to December 2023, and I decided to repeat the holiday meal idea. Only this year money is a little tight and I don’t go for the Kurabota. I got a pretty good Costco ham that I’ve had success with in the past. I have a great glaze recipe that involves orange juice concentrate, brown sugar, pickle, ginger, and this amazing cherry essence that’s mostly used by candy makers so if you can’t find it any normal place see if there’s a chocolate making supply store in your city. Or Michael’s has it.
If anybody wants the recipe let me know and I’ll put it in the comments.
Warning: the next paragraph contains graphic descriptions of undigested meat.
Anyway, dinner was going great and everybody was going just fine when suddenly Warc*ck stands up and starts gesturing. At first, I think they’re trying to be funny or make a toast, but pretty soon it becomes clear from the desperate look on their face and the gestures that they’re having a medical emergency. Now none of us at the table have ever done the Heimlich maneuver, but we’ve all heard of it, so we take turns scrambling around trying to get in position to do it. Eventually, they self-Heimlich on the back one of the chairs and out plops the mostly awful looking gristly wet pink chunk of Costco ham.
After a few minutes, everybody seems fine and they’re kind of joking about it, but absolutely nobody wants to pick up this chunk of ham. we make about using spells to do it, but eventually, of course it comes down to me, as the parent, to clean up the mess. So everybody leaves and I am cleaning up the mess. It makes me a little upset.
So I had a conversation over discord later and instead of talking about why everyone just bailed, Warc*ck has complaints. We should have helped sooner. There should have been more beverages on the table than just sparkling cider because sparkling cider is not great for washing down food. And most importantly, the Costco ham was not suitable. It was wet and gooey and borderline disgusting. And meanwhile, I’m thinking, you couldn’t wait to get that ham down your neck! You actually choked because you were so eager to ham into your gullet!! I was raised at beggars can’t be choosers and that if you want the expensive ham may offer to kick in next time.
Well, by now, everybody else has joined the discord, and, although it takes some coaxing, EVERY person has some complaint about the meal. II don’t know if I mentioned it, but the Wednesday table is rather large. Seven players. I will say that one thing they all agree on is that the glaze is in impeccable. Let me know if you guys want the recipe for the glaze.
We finally get partway through the conversation and Warc*ck snaps, says “pigs are intelligent and more caring that you guys!” and drops the call. And now one of the other players who barely spoke up, mentions that they too were uncomfortable with the ham. Not as pork but because it was so pink and bland and wet that it looked like fake meat. And now everybody’s chiming in with all these things that they never brought up before, and one of them even starts joking that it looks like synthetic human flesh.
Meanwhile, I’m thinking, I only did this for you guys. I don’t even eat pork most of the year. And of course did any of them demand that I make a ham? No, I’ve volunteered to do that. Was I being self indulgent? Self-destructive? I couldn’t be mad at them for a decision I made without any question.
I feel like a bad DM. I hang up the group call. I text ALL my tables that I need two weeks off.
And this brings me to the essential query for the group hive mind.
Has anybody here had luck with cooking a Costco ham in a way that gives it a drier texture? Not dedicated but less … wet? Should I just not tent it? Should I go for lower heat and longer in the oven? I used to worry that it would dry out, but this ham has such a high water content.
Thanks for your help.

I basically need the glorified character creation engines that may or may not have gameplay as a bonus.
What I REQUIRE:

A game has many clothing/armor options, preferably in different styles Many hair options and various accessories, hats, glasses, masks, etc It is possible to change body shape and height (medium priority) The clothing items (or at least most of them) are available at once (no paywalls or "kill this dude to get that armor") and I don't have to spend too much time to unlock them PC only, and preferably something that doesn't weigh 200 GB

Things I DON'T CARE FOR:

A hundred face sliders. Having a good face gen is a bonus, but my main aim is good item variety Stunning ultra graphics (I mean, the graphics should not be vanilla Minecraft, but if there are good old games with good variety...)

Games/tools I already know about and use:

Champions online (had to buy/grind a few costume parts packs though) - near total hit City of Heroes - total hit (so many of everything and last time I checked all was available from the start without paywalls because the game is legally dead) Saints Row series - partial hit (nice in-game shops one has to drive to, unfortunately not all items in one place) Hero Forge mini figures creator - partial hit (so much stuff deeply customizable and free, but I want normal characters and not minis) 2D stuff like Heromachine, Fabrica de Herois - partial hit (because 2D)

What WON'T DO AT ALL:

Skyrim, Oblivion, Fallout 3/New Vegas - no clothes customization during the character creation and I don't care for 50 facial sliders, better give me 50 kinds of eyes DC universe online (have to hunt for those costume pieces, the pieces available during character creation are few)

So, thank you for reading this long post, waiting eagerly for your suggestions. And before you redirect me to an old post Google shows when asked for games with good character creation, I've read it, but it's a bit vague and it's clear its author and I have different goals and therefore not all games from that post will suit me. Thanks in advance and how foolish would I feel if this thing gets deleted for missing some technicality...

*tw: dating at early age (for those of you who always get annoyed lmao),, i know we’re young, we make mistakes yadayadayada i know y’all are probably thinking “eh why so young date already ah” but to be fair we’re all curious kids so- can’t stop it from happening if it happens 😃
backstory: alright so in 2022, i (15F) was talking to a guy (15M, aka person A) for at least 2-3 months, seemed nice, and then we had a relationship that lasted around 3-4 months (we broke up on christmas day 😅)..
anyway, so yeah we kind of broke up on “good terms”? (broke up because i told him we’re better off as friends since we couldn’t meet each others’ expectations as a couple? he was emotionally unavailable and was very insecure throughout the relationship, and would often break boundaries that i had already set in place, and i had already let him cross too many — i know that’s on me because i didn’t enforce my boundaries as firm as i should have — but anyway he wasn’t a bad friend to me so i thought, why not go back to being friends?) or so i thought 💀
a few days after we broke up, i found out through HIS friends that he was talking shit about me? (e.g. calling me a slxt, told his friends that i cheated on him with FIVE?? not one, not two, but FIVE guys 😭 my thoughts: wow i didn’t know i had so much time in my life to cheat on you?) but at that point i was already done with him because i honestly couldn’t be bothered? and he wasn’t even my problem anymore! so obviously i proceeded on with my life and focused on my studies.
story: now, it’s 2024 he’s 17, i’m 17. introducing my best friend (17F, person B). person B has been with me since the beginning of 2020, we of course had our fights and drama, but we stayed despite them and learned to love one another with our flaws (platonically obviously).
so person B was around when i was dating person A, and they became friends. however, when i broke up with person A, he still kept contact with person B. (they talk in school sometimes)
as of now, person A and person B are close friends, and when i say close friends, i mean they call each other (one on one) sometimes, he updates her about almost everything in his life, he invites her for outings (just the two of them), and always asks for her thoughts on stuff.. and you may be thinking, “omg how would you know?” ☺️☺️ well person B tells me!
in my opinion, i don’t really care much if you were friends with my ex, because honestly speaking, he’s human too and he needs a community to talk to as well, BUT you do not have to share with my everything about my ex’s current life 😭 (doesn’t matter love life, healthy life, whatever life).. i’ve chosen to move on from him, leaving him as a part of my life in my high school days and i do not need or wish to involve him in my life again? i’m sorry but that’s what i have decided on for my life.
i don’t know, does it make me sound like i have not gotten over my ex? because i swear im over him, i just don’t need to hear about his life that often, and i get really annoyed at it too 😭 and whenever i react to something he does to me after the break up, (e.g. liking my story) she just tells me that im overreacting and that he’s just being friendly..
and also, the thing is person B knows what my other friends (they do not interact with person A at all) think about their friendship (person A + B) and she’ll keep on telling me “yo i feel guilty because people will think I’m such a bad friend for being close with your ex” and i’ve told her countless times “i really do not care if you’re friends with him, it’s your life”
so am i in the wrong to be reacting this way when person B tells me about person A’s life? am i really just overreacting when it’s just a small issue? and what do i do because i obviously don’t want to hear about person A.. but i do want my friendship with person B to continue..

I never expected to not like Synergy. After all, this eye-poppingly adorable survival city builder based on the supremely influential comic book illustrations of French artist Jean Giraud, AKA Moebius, is everything I want on paper. A rich and rarely seen visual rendering of a strange alien planet that—dare I say—synergizes nicely with its thoughtful and intricate resource gathering mechanics that encourage patient research and exploration effort rather than combat.
What’s not to love, right?
Well, after 10+ hours with Synergy, I am surprised and saddened to report that I find it all a bit... boring? You see, after the initial wave of art-induced infatuation wore off, I gradually began to realize that Synergy isn’t meant to simulate an intense, punishing, and consequently thrilling fight against the world’s harsh climate as is the case in games like Frostpunk and Against the Storm. Nor is it here to push you to your production-chain resource micromanagement limits as do games like Cartel Tycoon, The Settlers, and Pioneers of Pagonia. And, given Synergy's near total deemphasis on your city’s individuals, it's incapable of delivering those fun AI storylines seen in colony simulators like RIMWORLD and its upcoming medieval clone Norland.
Instead, Synergy is about the biggest number on the screen: your city’s prosperity score, which visualizes the city’s sustainability and well-being. Synergy wants your main focus to be basking in the wonderful art style as you build toward a beautiful, culture-rich utopia that doesn’t overexploit the world’s fragile ecosystem, which you can see grow and die in real time. Dealing with the harsh climate, producing enough food and water—these survival mechanics that drive other games are inconveniences in Synergy rather than the game’s deciding factors. Now, does this design decision mean the game is easy? Absolutely not, as there’s still plenty of depth here and still plenty of ways to screw things up (trust me). But don’t go in expecting an exhilarating experience, which is what I personally wanted.
That in mind, let’s get into the game.
GAMEPLAY & CONTENT
You’ll start out as you do in many survival city builders—with a store of starter resources and a handful of static, slowly starving settlers (poor little guys). However, after laying a building from your construction menu, your settlers will snap out of their comas and get right to work. After building early game structures like shelters, warehouses, and “picking cabins,” you’ll want to lay down a field lab so you can start researching the world’s strange plant life. These lab results will then inform you about the plant’s properties (e.g., is it edible?), as well as the different materials you can gather from it by either picking, trimming, or ripping the plant out of the ground entirely.
In between all of this rippin’ and tearin’, you’ll need to build a research center and start unlocking new buildings, like an infirmary to treat worn down workers, an arborist’s workshop to help replant whatcha de-plant, and an explorer’s hut from which you can launch expeditions into the unknown. Upon reaching a new area or point of interest, you’ll get a short text-based scenario and an RNG choice or two, but watch out because rolling the die can result in die-ing. Oh, and keep an eye out for ancient tablets along the way, as collecting and then translating them will unlock buffs for your village.
In other words... from an objectives and mechanics standpoint, Synergy is a lot like most of the survival city builders I’ve covered on this channel, albeit with an attractive and intuitive user interface that makes a fun little ASMR sound when you hover over it. I would like to see more map variety by 1.0, however, as the level designs currently feel pretty synonymous. Lastly, I didn’t encounter any figurative bugs in Synergy, though I do think the game would benefit from some literal ones—I just know my villagers must be tired of eating the same “watery pod” veggie pie every day, plus, this art style is simply begging for some colorful and creative Dr. Suess-esque animals.
CONCLUSION
I had originally planned on a longer review of Synergy, but the game’s text-based story in which you seek out fellow settlers and study the world’s strange glowing phenomenon doesn’t currently feel fleshed out enough to fairly score. So, we’ll give the game a subject-to-change aggregate MEGA score of 3.22/5 (full scoring breakdown available in video form on my profile) and plan on revisiting it closer to full release. Between now and then, I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the game or my review.
Thanks for reading!

Me (25f) and my boyfriend (30m) have been together for roughly 2.5 years and distance from the very start. Since then we've managed to see each other rougly every 6 weeks but with both our financial situations being not great (I'm a full time student and we live in separate countries) it's generally hard to predict when we will be able to see each other, we very often say goodbye without a date for another meeting. At the moment I know we will be seeing each other in 3 weeks, then after 2.5 months apart we will be living together for 4 months roughly, during my semester abroad which he is joining me for. After that, we don't know when we will close the gap, but at some point after I graduate I guess, is the rough plan.
I've been struggling with my mental health, mostly with depression I guess, since before we met, and it's had a toll on the relationship. Conversely, the relationship has also had a toll on my mental health. Not being able to see each other, saying goodbye without knowing when we will see each other next, to him it isn't a big deal but to me it leaves me in bits for days after every meeting we have and I tend to pick fights while we're together because of the impending feeling of missing him and feeling bothered that he is so much more chill about this.
What makes it so much worse for me is the fact that my boyfriend isn't a caller, and I need calls to feel close. I've asked him many times to call me more often (in some kinder and in some decisively unkind ways, I'll admit), and his reply is that he doesn't think of it because it isn't his natural inclination (he doesn't like calls with anybody and is very introverted) but he will try, and basically that I should lower my expectations and be grateful for what we have, which is constant communication through text and sending each other things on instagram. It's true that we have very regular communication, we talk throughout everyday, say good morning and goodnight without fail, but for me this just isn't enough to feel the relationship closeness. He doesn't get it, and every time he says he would try, most of the time, he doesn't call me anyway. I'm always the one to initiate the calls, and every once in a while he will suggest a movie night or a study session over video call together but it's rare. He says that as it's something that is important to me and not him, I should be the one to make sure it happens.
The past couple of months have been particularly rough for me and I've been struggling a lot in the past weeks. I've been extremely depressed and having a really hard time coping, and I don't think he even realises just how hard it has been despite me telling him. Usually I'm not exactly happy to always be the one initiating calls but these days it's hard for me to even do that. I really am not well at all, and I wish he would be more supportive in this sense. We talked about it again today and he said he would try, but I don't trust that he will because it's the exact same thing he has always said and never done.
He is a lovely, caring and attentive person most of the time and I have no doubt that he loves me, but this aspect of our relationship is a real struggle for me and is making me feel worse in an already tough time. I've been crying almost every day for weeks and I wish I just had my boyfriend call sometimes just to have a short chat without me asking him to - I know it isn't his responsibility to take care of my mental health, but it would really make a small but significant difference to how I feel. I know you need to pick your battles in a relationship, but I fear letting go of this one will leave me in a place of feeling perpetually unhappy/unsupported for the rest of our long distance duration. I don't want to break up with him, but the fact is that right now the nature of the relationship is a rather large contributor to my poor mental state.
I'm not really sure how to approach this situation any longer, because I'm stuck between understanding that he simply doesn't enjoy calls and won't naturally do something he doesn't generally enjoy, but also being convinced that if your partner impresses upon you that something is important to them you should make an effort to do that thing, within reason (which I feel this is). I also feel guilty of asking him for more on the basis of helping my mental health as, as I said, it's not his responsibility, but again, the distance does make it harder to cope when you're already struggling.
Sidenote: I'm not currently in therapy but will be starting in a month or so.

So, I had a really emotionally abusive roommate who I had to leave in the very end of April. For reasons I won't get into here, I had to go into emergency housing because of her and completely uproot my entire side of the room at the end of the semester.
She would take her anger out on me frequently, even if I wasn't the cause of her anger. If something made her mad, she would yell at me and make the atmosphere of the room really uncomfortable. She would also say really nasty things to me if I did something she didn't like, too. For example, I unfollowed an old mutual friend of ours because they weren't treating me well and told her for transparency. She got quiet and then said "I get it, but you're really fucking stupid" and then later told me that I caused her to shut down because I "tore apart the only friends she has and she really needs support." Then after acting out like that, she would lovebomb me and tell me how she's so grateful for me, she's such a terrible friend and yet I've stuck beside her, she loves me, I'm the best friend she's ever had, stuff like that. She would also randomly buy things for me, even when I asked her not to. She wouldn't allow me to do things on my own or with other people, like dinner or other plans. The only thing she wouldn't get mad at me for going to were my classes. Her possessiveness was really bad, especially when I was with my boyfriend. She would yell at him and say "Back off! appastoebeans is MINE!! She's MY girlfriend!" I also had to file a Title IX against her, too. So, you can see why I had to leave.
Before I left, I had blocked her on absolutely everything so that she couldn't message me because she could be pretty caustic and guilt trippy over text. I was afraid of the things she would say to me and I was afraid that I'd fall for whatever she would say, so I blocked. I spent the night before I moved out somewhere else and then went to my old room to quickly move out while she was in class. Since I had her blocked, she wrote me a letter. At first, it didn't bother me but now, her words are kind of seeping in. I threw out the letter the day I moved out but I still remember a lot of what was written. She said stuff like "I don't know why you blocked me on everything because I have done nothing wrong. I'm really hurt and confused right now. Did you ever care about me at all? Was I that easy to throw away? Did almost 2 years of friendship mean anything to you at all? I don't think I can accept any kind of apology from you. Let's just be civil to each other since finals are near." I can't help but feel terribly guilty now. Especially because she thought I was coming back and apologizing. She also had a major meltdown upon seeing I moved out, publicly posted about her anger towards me online, and then tried to ask people to tell her where I was staying.
Her words just keep repeating themselves in my head and I keep feeling like a terrible person. I also keep having thoughts like, "I threw her away. I threw 2 years of friendship away. She was so confused. I hurt her. I made her panic. I ruined the friendship, not her. It all falls on me." It's just hard. It's really, really hard. If you read all of this, thank you.

I am looking for someone fun (age 25 min) to be friends and eventually grow close to over time. Someone who I can spend a lot of time with doing the following things on a daily basis:
-spam games (PC only): league (arams (big plus if you aram!)/tft/norms), destiny 2, last epoch, crab champions, pico park, fall guys, gunfire reborn, risk of rain 2, super animal royale, golf with friends, terraria, escape simulator, it takes two, minecraft, diablo 3, etc (happy to play other games if they seem fun). - Please, please play league and destiny 2 and carry me <3
-chill on discord when bored (we can do our own things - its completely fine or we can stream games for eachother). At the end of the day, we can wind down together until we go to sleep. If you have a nice voice, that's a huge plus!
-watch anime/movies/youtube videos/tv shows (I'll watch anything but horror - no scary pls lol)
-share/listen to music (ideally, we'd play some music as background while gaming. we could also share/trade music - i like doing this too) My taste in music: 80s, 90s, rock, alternative, pop, dance, electro, mix of everything else. Music I don't prefer: jazz, blues, most rap, most country.
-If you WFH (like myself) it would be great if we could keep each other company during the work days.
-winding down the nights together before we go to sleep and being a safe space for each other is super important to me.
Please reply with a bit about you and what games you have in common (at least 2 games in common)
Please have a sense of humor.
Please be willing to talk/put in effort into a conversation.
I prefer someone who wants to be close and look for something more down the line. Someone who likes clingyness and is a bit possessive is a plus.
Summary: I am looking for a consistent/meaninfuly/genuine friendship. Someone who becomes my go-to friend/gamer person and I become theirs. If this leads to something more down the line, that's fine but it's not a must have.
Based on the replies I got on the last post, it seems I have to set some basic human and personal standards:
-No married or taken guys - I do not mess with other people's relationships and I wouldnt want anyone to mess with mine. I have more respect that than - if you're not happy in your relationship, please talk it out with your s/o or seek help! I'm not your answer.
-PC Only!! Please don't message me if you don't even own a PC. This is straight forward.
-Please have a normal sense of your life together - working/can put in effort, know what you want in life, mostly positive attitude -- if you've been at home for 10+ years because you have anxiety and this affects the fact you cannot be on discord with me while we game because it causes you more stress, I'm not the person for you!!
-If you reply with just a Hey/Hello and nothing else, I'm not replying. This post has effort, you put in effort. You can send me angry messages all you want for not responding. This will not change the fact that if 0 or minimum effort was made as an introduction, I'm not responding.
-If you are below 25 and looking for a 'Mommy' type, I cannot help you. Please look elsewhere.
Best of luck!

Hi all,
27M recently accepted a fantastic job and will be relocating. Only problem is that it will require a 30 mile + 30 mile = 60 mile commute each day, roughly 70-90 minutes per day total.
I want to but a convertible sports car, I have a budget of 25k. I am fairly hands-on (especially with all the amazing info/tutorials on Youtube) and can do most basic maintenance requirements like oil changes, break pads, fluid flush, etc. I love cars, and can budget a couple grand a year for major upkeep.
In terms of what Im looking for, i prefer engine power over luxury/interior any day of the week... frankly I dont care about the interior as long as I can upgrade the radio to a double din with touch screen and apple carplay, and has A/C. I love driving with the top down too, so gotta be a convertible. Wouldn't dream of putting money down without an extensive PPI, dont worry.
Ive narrowed it down to 2 options:

1. Porsche 911 996 C.1- I know what youre gonna say, and yes ive done an EXTENSIVE amount of research and know everything there is to know about potential pitfalls in buying this car used. Thing is, after looking at pretty much every make in model over the past 70 years, at 22-24k with 70k miles, a used 911 this has to be the best car for the buck. IMO, the headlights are so ugly that theyve become iconic and i love them.
   
2. BMW E93 - A second alternative, though i am skeptical about a used BMW considering horror stories aout them being mistreated and unmaintained, requiring a bunch of maintenance, being sold cheap, wash and repeat. But the convertible hardtop is nice and the car is a simple beauty. M3 too expensive, but at 328 or 335 would do the trick and satisfy the power itch.
   

Would love some feedback, what would you consider buying. Is it crazy to put 70 miles a day on a 911? They are at the bottom of their depreciation curve, and not much variation in selling price for cars with 50k miles vs 100k miles so i assume it will hold its value for the most part. Some other cars i have considered are the mustang, jag xk, merceded SL380 (from the 80s), though the above 2 options are the front runners. Before you mention it, the miata, f-type and/or boxster feel too small for me. I dont mind an older car at all (as long as i can do radio install and has A/C) and can do most basic work on it.

I was 18 and football and wrestling were over so I decided to try weed for the first time. I had no prior experience with any weed before. I bought these "delta 8" gummy peach rings. The package said do not take more than 4 within 8 hours. I thought I was being responsible in taking 3. They were 50 mg a piece. For my first weed experience I took 150mg of THC.
My experience changed my life. I am in a constant state of questioning my own existence and the absurdity of all things in existence.
I took them around 8PM, and went to take a shower to relax hoping to coast into a peaceful high. After about 30 minutes of sitting in the shower nothing had come on so I decided to go to bed with my girlfriend. I laid there for a while and remembered that the new Boba Fett show had just dropped a new episode. I decided I'd watch that. My girlfriend had fallen asleep within the first few minutes of the episode, so I was watching it alone in bed.
About halfway through i started to feel a little hazy. But nothing I didn't expect, I was exited that it had started. So I just laid back and let it wash over me.
I don't remember how much time had passed but eventually I convinced myself that I died. I was horrified but this realization wasn't anywhere near as mind altering as what was to come.
I began seeing these fluttering hazy colors surround either side of my field of view. The colors sort of looked like the 2 Use Your Illusion album covers from Guns and Roses.
I eventually came to the conclusion that these colors represented my understanding of "Heaven and Hell" and as I thought more on my morality and the life I had lived, either side would seem to overcome the other. I remember hearing distorted voices from each side.
This went back and forth for a while, and I began to hyperventilate. I began questioning my understanding on either side. They were only represented by the color that they were and the distorted voices coming from each of them. I lost sight of which side was "heaven" and which side was "hell". I knew that I needed to choose either one to envelop me but I didn't know which side was which. It was clear though that there was a distinction between the two.
I don't remember which side I ended up on. But what I do remember is that shortly after I was absorbed into the side I chose, everything was ripped away from me.
This is where it began.
My entire understanding of my own existence was taken from me. I heard distorted chanting surrounding me, it felt like every single atom around me was chanting. The chanting was distorted and droning, it wasn't English but somehow I knew exactly what they were communicating to me.
It was that absolutely nothing exists.
They were deconstructing my understanding on everything. I do mean everything. For example, I remember early on as my understanding of time left me the chanting said that "we create concepts like time" as if to distract ourselves from the absurdity of existence.
When I say I lost my understanding it's important to know that I don't mean that I was incapable of grasping the concepts of things like time and physical space. It was more so that they were taking those concepts and pointing out the fact that they are completely illusionary and nonexistent, and were crafted to create this false reality that I understand and live in.
I became aware of the fact that absolutely nothing existed, and I began to feel that fact in a physical way. It's hard to put any of this into words but it's most difficult to describe they way I felt physically.
I felt like I was infinitely compact. I felt my own nonexistence. I felt like I was a singular atom being pressed inward by surrounding atoms. I also somehow felt this friction stretching me in every possible direction.
I just remember feeling like I was an atom inside a dense piece of matter like a rock.
I looked to any comforting experience from my life to escape. But it just lead to more deconstruction of my mind.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that I have always been in this place, and that I was just blissfully unaware of it. Therefore my entire life, friends, family, experiences, and memories were all imaginary distractions from this reality.
This went on for what felt like actual eternity, and eventually after throwing up I suddenly felt my own heartbeat, and something about that brought me back to my reality.
I just remember thinking "my hearts beating, so I can't be dead." And I fell asleep. I didn't wake up until 2PM the next day in a pool of my own vomit. My girlfriend had taken some edibles too and woke up after me not recalling any vivid experiences.
We went and got Pizza Hut, and went about our lives. I had a really hard time coping with the experience for a while. I had panic attacks several times over the next few months.
6 months after the experience I graduated high school and married my girlfriend.
I'm 20 now and it's been a little over 2 years since the experience, and I'd like to say I've recovered, but I haven't. My wife and I have 2 sons and I've got a nice EMT job coming up. But I've been having panic attacks recently regarding this experience. I just wanted someone's thoughts or advice on it.

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

Don't know what to do about toxic family..
It's been exactly five or so years since I "distanced" myself emotionally from my parents, but I don't think I've fully grasped it yet. For one, I still depend on them as I still live with them, unable to move currently without much money. I'm in my twenties.I wish I had the privilege to move out immediately and not come back, but at this point, I'm just saving up.
For two, something in me always hopes and even expects them to soften up and change. For context, they are emotionally distant, narcissistic, extremely self centered and childish people. Unfortunately I have adopted some of their mannerisms because that's what they taught me. When you're upset, shut down and run away. When you're angry, yell. When you're feeling sad and want to cry, bottle it up because no one wants to hear it. When you got good news, don't expect it to stay around. When your life is not going your way, blame everyone but yourself.
I'm still trying to unlearn these things but honestly it's hard. I thought the first step to unlearning these things was distancing myself from those two completely and verbally making boundaries. Then I was emotionally manipulated by my mother who cried and blamed me for "taking advantage" of their kindness and then shouted that no one would be there for me like her and my father would, except they literally aren't there for me emotionally and not even financially. When I talk to them about anything they turn the other way or zone out or offer nothing. But these are the people who "are the only ones out here willing to protect me". My mother also repeatedly excused the psychological neglect and emotional stunted behavior exhibited by my father, and would never call him out on the behalf of me. She cared more about defending herself from his stupidity than calling him out when he was acting that way towards me.
I caved. I thought seeing her cry was going to be a good thing. A good sign. I thought it wasn't that she was listening and that she'd understand. And maybe I was being too harsh. But no. No. She's still a cold and emotionally removed bitch. My dad is still a childish asshole who blames the world before he blames himself. These people never changed. I have given them chances to apologize and rectify their behaviors for years and they never did. And even though I kept hoping and praying for a moment that they would, they never did. They just stayed as cold and removed as always. They don't care and they never cared. But I keep gravitating back and trying to be nice but every time, I get let down, again, and a fucking gain.
But like I don't know why I keep coming back and expecting them to change. It's a difficult situation since I can't leave them until I get a new place and a car of my own.

I had a wonderful childhood. I couldn't have asked for a better one. My parents, brother, family, ... so much love in my life.
As I got older, I started to become exposed to the harsh realities of life. The people closest to me and the ones I loved the most started to get sick and pass away. I lost my dog. Life wasnt the same. And later, was diagnosed with Crohns which had a massive impact on my life and self confidence. I felt like a lab rat.. so many tests, doctor visits, medicine, diets, needles, ... eventually extensive surgery.
Luckily, after years of torture, I made it out ok. I started to build back my confidence, and was optimistic about the future. Before I knew it, I met the love of my life. I felt so extremely lucky to have you in my life. It felt like a dream. I felt that after all that pain and loss, I had finally had something good happen to me.
As time we on, we became best friends. You confessed your love to me, said I was different than all the rest, and you saw a future with me. You expressed how special I was to you. I felt the same way.
We met eachothers families, who became so close with eachother. I truly loved your family, they felt like home. My family loved you so much... my parents loved you like a daughter, and I knew you loved them too. We had everyone's support and love. We were the golden couple. We grew and experiences so much together. Bought our first house, saw the world, new jobs, school, ... Everyone was so proud of us, and we were proud of eachother.
Somewhere along the way, you started seeking outside the relationship for attention. I knew you were very social, so at first, I was happy to see you making friends. I knew you had a difficult childhood and past, and didn't have many good friends, so I was very supportive and encouraged you to do things with your friends.
We were inseparable. Always going things together, planning trips, going on adventures. Everything was easy. We enjoyed eachothers company so much. We made eachother laugh, feel loved, and safe. We were so comfortable and open, goofy with eachother, and always so intimate.
We shared a lot of the same hobbies: plants/garden, camping, trails, video games, movies, travel, outdoors, relaxing at home, ... it didn't seem to matter what we were doing, we were happy together.
I loved making you smile and laugh. I loved seeing you happy doing what you loved, or eating a meal I'd prepare for you.
I always wanted you to have the best. Since you were in school, I provided for you. Food, toys, restaurants, trips, ... whatever you wanted. I wanted to give you the world. It felt so good to make you happy.
You would tease me and hint towards wanting to get engaged. After 3 years, it happened. We were so happy, and you were so excited and happy to share the big news. We started planning our wedding, moved into a bigger house, new jobs, everything felt good.
I never expected to love someone so much. This young woman brought so much love, happiness, and adventure into my life. She completed changed everything. Everything was so easy.. effortless.. felt right.
When we moved into your dream home, things became more stressful. The house needed a lot of work, as well as the property. Regardless, we were willing and eager to tackle projects together and were excited to make things our own.
As time went on, and school/work seemed to become more stressful for you, I was left finishing a lot of our projects and maintaining them by myself. I also stepped up and started trying to take on more of the chores and responsibilities so that you could focus on school/work and still have time to relax. I was happy to help give you some relief.
After a few months, your brother asked to be our roommate for a time. I was hesitant, but you encouraged me that it would be a good thing. He would pay and help around the house. At first, it was nice. However, as time we on, it became more and more stressful.
The stress of doing everything and having a roommate that didn't mesh well with us overwhelmed me. I knew it was temporary, so I endured it.
One day, you came home from your new job and expressed what a good day you had.. that you had the chance to work with a different doctor, and that he was very fun and nice. I was so happy to hear it, since I knew you hadn't been having good days and people had been difficult. I was glad you seemed to have a mentor.
You started to have more good days than bad, working with this person more and more. You started talking to me about them more, sharing things you learned and talked with him about. As time went on, I started to feel a bit jealous. You had been spending more time with this person than me... your shifts were long, and I hadn't been seeing you as much. You started even talking to our parents about this person.
I started to notice you texting him while we were at home together. I'd ask, and you'd happily share whatever it was you guys were talking about. One evening, you were texting this doctor late at night. I approached you about this, and expressed how it was making me feel. I felt that it had started to become too much, and wasn't appropriate. I didn't like the idea of this older married man communicating with my young fiance so much. I expressed that I was happy that you had a friend at work, but felt that it was becoming too personal and inappropriate. You tried to reassure me that you were just friends, and that he was old and married, you would never be attracted to him. I stood firm and expressed that I would like for you to only communicate while at work, or for work related matters. You agreed and assured me it was nothing.
As time went on, I noticed you would sometimes hide your phone, turn it away, flip it upside down, or turn it off as I walked by. At first, I thought it was just me being paranoid. But as time went on, it started to mess with my head... otherwise, everything was good, so I told myself it was nothing. You started to enjoy that type of work and decided to join his practice. I was happy you were able to make up your mind and find something you enjoyed. Time went on. At some point, you needed an invasive procedure done... and you requested that doctor complete it. I didn't love the idea, but you preferred to have someone do it that you trusted. After that, the doctor seemed to be a thing of the past.
As the wedding date approached, the excitement increased. We had everything planned out and we were so excited for our big day. I saw how happy you were throughout the whole process. I couldn't believe our big day was right around the corner.
Our wedding was like a dream. Everything came together so nicely. We had the best night of our lives. I loved seeing you so happy with our friends and family there to celebrate with us. We went on a wonderful honeymoon and I felt so loved and appreciated.
Once we returned home, our roommate left, and stress started to decrease dramatically in the house. I was so relieved. You finished school, graduated, and I threw you a big surprise party to celebrate. I had always put together parties for all your special occasions, and I knew you really appreciated that. After so many nights helping you study, it felt wonderful to see you walk across that stage and finally finish.
You shortly after moved to a different hospital, and seemed to really like your new job and everyone there. Life was so good...
The house and our list of responsibilities and all the maintenance was still a lot, but I felt we were quickly starting to knock things off our list.
One week, you started working a lot... I hardly saw you that week. We'd always text and check in, saying we loved eachother, missed eachother, and looked forward to seeing eachother. When the weekend finally arrived, you had mentioned your best friend invited you to join her for girl time. I realized you hadn't seen her much lately and encouraged it.
That weekend, my grandmother had been struggling. I felt alone in our big house and had wished you were there. We checked in on eachother while you were gone. I was expecting you to return one evening, so I had dinner prepared. I was hurt when you didn't arrive and decided to stay another night with your friend.
When I saw you the next morning, I was feeling pretty down. I was already sad about my grandmother, but also felt like an after thought that week. You were so happy to see me, which was nice. We had a nice evening, spent time together, .. you never stopped telling me you loved me.
The next day after work, I got home, and you seemed so cold and distant. You seemed bothered by something. I checked in, asked if you needed anything, then went about my day. It seemed like you wanted space. I checked in every few hours, and you were busy doing something on your laptop.
I prepared dinner and started watching TV. I encouraged you to take a break, eat, and relax some before bed. You joined me on the couch, but was quiet and explained that you had some work to finish.
As it got late, I went up to bed. You explained you'd be up a little longer while you finished your work. As the hours went by, I thought it was so odd that you weren't in bed yet. I knew you had to get up early... sleep was always such a priority. I got up to check on you and to get some water. You were still on your laptop.. I noticed you were looking at rooms to something. I encouraged you to get some sleep. You joined me, looking exhausted.
We cuddled, said we loved eachother, then fell asleep. The next morning, I finished getting ready for work while you slept. As I was getting ready to leave, I sae your laptop. I decided to check and see what you were looking at... another air bnb for a trip? I was curious. We shared the laptop, so I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy.
I opened the laptop and saw apartments. I was so confused. I checker her email.. apartments. I noticed she had Facebook messenger up with recent messages. I checked... my world turned upside down. Those seconds felt like eternity as my heart sounded and my stomach sank. I read a message to a friend saying she wanted a divorce, never loved me, felt like a stranger in her house, dreaded coming home to me, ... that she loved a doctor.. he's married, but his wife is a lesbian. That was easily the worst moment of my life. I panicked and didn't know what to do... I was in shock. After a few minutes, I decided to address this with you.
I quietly walked up the stairs, sat on the edge of the bed, and calmly woke you up. You were sleepy, asking why I woke up.. you still had about 30m before work. I apologized for waking you.. As I looked at you silently, I started to cry. I quietly said "I know...". "I saw the messages". She looked back at me in shock.. eyes wide in the dark. I asked if she had been having an affair. She said no.. then started to look at me as if I wad a stranger. It was a terrible feeling.
You got up to get ready for work, and said we'd talk later that evening. You left. I was standing in the driveway and felt sick. I wasn't sure if I could make it to work.. but being at the house was making me feel worse, so I left. I didn't eat anything that while day. While at work, I prepared myself for our talk.
When we both got home, you pulled up to the house and started to pack some things while I sat on the couch. When you finally joined me, you were quiet.. asked about my day, I asked about yours.. then more silence. I asked what you needed from me. You explained that you were feeling very anxious, and didn't want me to get upset. You said you were going to stay with a friend for a few days to clear your head and wanted to talk once we were both rested.
You left for almost a week while I stayed in our big empty house, taking care of our pets, and completely confused and dead inside. I hardly ate or slept. I desperately started reading and watching whatever information I could find to help explain what was happening and to prepare myself. I spent most of my time thinking, reflecting on our life. I started tonrealize how stressed I had been... and thought about all the things I should/could have done differently. I knew I treated her so well, but no one is perfect.
Looking back, I started to think about all the red flags. Love is blind. I truly loved, trusted, and cared for this person more than anyone in the world. I thought she felt the same way... I never imagined us seperating.
I started to think of that doctor she used to talk about.. and realized she probably never stopped talking to him. I started to realize that my wife had stopped opening up to me... was no longer emotional or vulnerable... her emotional? affair started to kill the emotional intimacy between us.
I was happy just to have her in my life and enjoyed just being with her... she never expressed or talked about being unhappy... if I had known, I feel certain that we could have fixed whatever was lacking. I would have met whichever needs werent being met.
Were you lonely while I was busy working hard for us? Was she bored? I would have happily planned more outings... whenever I suggested something, you expressed that you were tired or didn't show interest. I knew you enjoyed time alone, so I never felt bad doing my own thing. I figured you would tell me of you needed or felt something...
I was so confused... started to question what was real. When did this all start? Why? How? Terrible thoughts entered my mind... so many late shifts, staying the night at the hospital, leaving early to get the air bnbs ready, ...
I also realized that towards the end, you had suddenly started to listen to different music, got a nose piercing, tattoo, talked about signing up for a sport, working out, ... these were all things I knew you had wanted to do for awhile, but it was all so sudden.
Why didn't you ever communicate... I recall you expressing your concern with my stress, but nothing else. I felt that my stress was reasonable considering everything I was doing.. and knew it was temporary. I didn't ignore it though. I saw a therapist, and started making changes. Was it all too late?
When we finally spoke again, it was so nice to just see you. We sat and you were so friendly and sweet - it reassured me that everything was going to be ok. We made small talk and joked, which immediately lightened the mood. You suggested I spoke first. I expressed my feelings and how important the marriage was.. that I'd so anything to save it. I took responsibility for my side of things and expressed the changes I had made and would continue to make. When you started, you expressed that you would always cherish our time together, but we're set on divorce. That we both deserved to be truly happy. Shortly after, you left.
The days after, you started packing your things while I was at work. I was living in a big empty house, every day getting more and more empty. I was a complete mess living in hell. Her family started to reach out to me and shower me with support, apologies, and disbelief. No one could make sense of this.
After a week or so, I couldn't take it any more, so I moved to stay with my parents while we finished moving out. I attempted to stay cordile through all this. You seemed so unphased and happy... texting me and talking to me like we were still best friends.
You explained that you felt bad for saying you never loved me... that you did, but not in the way a wife should love their husband. That it could be years, but in the future, I could count on you.
As time went on, and the pain increased, I was more distant. You texted more and more. Finally, I suggested that we limit communication unless she was interested in working on our marriage.
As the days went by, you grew colder and irritated.. I started to feel like the bad guy. I know you started to feel the weight of your decisons, and starred to project onto me. Making me the bad guy made you feel better. I attempted to end things on a good note... being helpful throughout the move out process, but you were so cold. It hurt so much... 5 wonderful years tossed aside like it never mattered.
I havent talked to you in weeks... I miss my best friend, my love, your family, our pets, and the wonderful life we built. I'm left trying to pickup the pieces. I feel so lost, confused, broken, ...
The tremendous amount of support I've gotten from both sides has helped a lot. I'm seeing a therapist, reading a lot, eating more, working out, and focusing on my self. The days are getting better, but I still have days where I am a mess.
I havent been sleeping well... always tired. Waking up several times, terrible nightmares and thoughts of you being with another man... I still have believe you would be capable of all this.. of hurting me so much.
I have urges to reach out to you... wanting to fix this, that there must be a misunderstanding... there are so many things I'd like to say. I got complacent and comfortable during our time together. I stopped doing the little things as often as I used to... I never meant to hurt you, make you feel lonely, unloved, unappreciated, ... whatever it is you felt. It's difficult for me to accept that my sweet innocent wife was capable of this... surely there was a reason?? I was just so caught up in my list of things... I was working so hard for our future.
I feel like my wife was manipulated by this man... why does an older doctor (20 years older) have a lesbian wife? He doesn't love her like she seems to think... he is using her. I feel sorry for her... I know there is no future there.
I've done a lot of reading on Attachment Styles, Limerence, love addiction, and other things that come as a result of childhood trauma. I feel like a lot of this has to do with her trauma... but also her selfishness and emotional immaturity. There is nothing I can do. I just pray she figures things out on her own, finds longlasting happiness, and puts an end to this cycle.
I would love it if we were able to reconnect in the future... I still deeply love and care for her. I don't want our story to end... none of this feels right. My gut is screaming that this is all wrong. I just know we both need to work on ourselves for the time being.
One day I had it all, the next, it crashed down before my eyes. Meeting you was the best thing to happen to me... you leaving was the worst. You rushed out of my life so quickly... I wish things were different.

Characters in this story (me 17) (Sydney 16)
So about a month ago me and this girl we will call Sydnee started dating, I met her at a get together at a friends house, she was a nice person when we started dating. This was my first relationship so i didn’t see any red flags, so a week into our relationship she started asking me to grind against her and stuff, I told her I don’t feel comfortable doing that and that I would rather just have intimacy in the future and not a week into us dating, she yelled at me at called me intimacy driven because I told her no. Later that night she called me. Crying that she was roped, I stated to freak out and I Told her to tell me what happened, she said her parents weren’t home and she invited one of her boy friends over to hangout, and one thing led to another but apparently this boy only figured her, I told her to report him and stuff but she didn’t, so 3 weeks pass and she asks me to grind against her again, I told her I want to wait and plus I would rather have real intimacy then just grinding, she got all mad at me and stopped talking to me for a week, the following Monday she asked if I could do it again and I finally gave in from pressure and did what she wanted, she was happy and was climbing on top of me for the next week. After while I started working more and didn’t give her as much attention i used to. She called me 3 days ago calling me intimacy driven because her online friends say so. She said everytime we hangout we have intimacy and I told her we haven’t even had intimacy but she didn’t listen, and I told her if she’s going to keep telling these people about our personal relationship then I don’t want to date her so I told her we’re over. She begged for me to take her back but I was a fool taking her back, not 10 min later she calls me saying we need to take a break and that she thinks I’m dating her for her body. I told her why I’m in a relationship and she didn’t like my answer, so we broke up, she proceeded to text every single one of my friends why we broke up, she had told them that I would force my self onto her and grind against her and that I was breaking her boundaries at this point I had a enough and screamed at her that she’s a horrible person for telling all my friends that I had roped her when I never did, but I’m glad non of my friends believed her because they have known me for the last 12 years, then last night she called me saying she has a new boyfriend and saying she’s having panic attacks because she thought she losts a friend, I told her she lost her friend when she texted my friends all those things, she has been texting and calling me saying she still loves me but I’ve been ignoring her. Did I take this right?

I’m processing a lot of stuff that happened, and I can’t believe I didn’t act upon anything. This sub saved me and I wanted to return the favor. If you find yourself aligning with any of these, PLEASE question your happiness in this relationship.
-he controlled who I spoke to: he tried to convince me that my friends of 20+ years were jealous of me and wanted him, and he also hated my family. he would get into my phone late at night and block people without telling me. he also threatened to leave me if I unblocked them.
-he controlled what I ate: I wasn’t allowed to eat out, as he said that eating at restaurants was unhealthy for me and I could only eat at home with groceries from stores he approved of. If someone invited me out to eat (family members, friends, etc), he told me not to eat anything.
-he controlled how I looked: he told me I couldn’t wear tight clothes because it was bad for my health, and he also told me I couldn’t wear makeup because I didn’t need it and it would damage my skin. he wouldn’t allow me to buy certain products for my curly hair because it could give me cancer. even though it was proven he couldn’t. same with lotions and perfumes.
-he controlled what I said: I wasn’t allowed to say “yeah” to him, as it was too masculine. I could only say yes. I also couldn’t cuss even though I’m a 27 year old woman. But he could do those things. he also tried to “fix” the way I said thank you, as he said it was too nice.
-he controlled my activities: I couldn’t go anywhere without him, even to family events or work events. I got invited to an Astros game by my company and he was upset they didn’t offer him a ticket. And he said I couldn’t go without him. He also told me I couldn’t watch television or commercials because they would brainwash me to be a sheep. He didn’t allow me to listen to my favorite artists because he said I would be influenced to join the Illuminati.
-he controlled my movements: he constantly said I would do the most mundane actions wrong. I peeled shrimp wrong, so he had to “teach” me how to do it right so I didn’t look stupid. I didn’t open or close doors right, so he would make me open and close doors until I got it right. I would slouch when I got tired and he would physically move me to stand up, even in public.
Please don’t mute yourself for someone else.

Characters in this story (me 17) (Sydney 16)
So about a month ago me and this girl we will call Sydnee started dating, I met her at a get together at a friends house, she was a nice person when we started dating. This was my first relationship so i didn’t see any red flags, so a week into our relationship she started asking me to grind against her and stuff, I told her I don’t feel comfortable doing that and that I would rather just have intimacy in the future and not a week into us dating, she yelled at me at called me intimacy driven because I told her no. Later that night she called me. Crying that she was roped, I stated to freak out and I Told her to tell me what happened, she said her parents weren’t home and she invited one of her boy friends over to hangout, and one thing led to another but apparently this boy only figured her, I told her to report him and stuff but she didn’t, so 3 weeks pass and she asks me to grind against her again, I told her I want to wait and plus I would rather have real intimacy then just grinding, she got all mad at me and stopped talking to me for a week, the following Monday she asked if I could do it again and I finally gave in from pressure and did what she wanted, she was happy and was climbing on top of me for the next week. After while I started working more and didn’t give her as much attention i used to. She called me 3 days ago calling me intimacy driven because her online friends say so. She said everytime we hangout we have intimacy and I told her we haven’t even had intimacy but she didn’t listen, and I told her if she’s going to keep telling these people about our personal relationship then I don’t want to date her so I told her we’re over. She begged for me to take her back but I was a fool taking her back, not 10 min later she calls me saying we need to take a break and that she thinks I’m dating her for her body. I told her why I’m in a relationship and she didn’t like my answer, so we broke up, she proceeded to text every single one of my friends why we broke up, she had told them that I would force my self onto her and grind against her and that I was breaking her boundaries at this point I had a enough and screamed at her that she’s a horrible person for telling all my friends that I had roped her when I never did, but I’m glad non of my friends believed her because they have known me for the last 12 years, then last night she called me saying she has a new boyfriend and saying she’s having panic attacks because she thought she losts a friend, I told her she lost her friend when she texted my friends all those things, she has been texting and calling me saying she still loves me but I’ve been ignoring her. Am I the Asshole?

Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29

Hi, I've been doing TA supply work for a specific primary school for almost 7 months now- in the past I was happy to move around schools so I get a better view of what's "out there"- and in a way my worst dread is confirmed.. In my experience, if I hang around enough in a school, I become bonded with some teachers and other stuff, the ones that I work with often. In many schools that has been a wonderful thing, but in some, it is like being in the secondary school again.
I've kept a diplomatic distance, camaraderie with those around, I am quite sociable and there have been some very pleasant pass-times in the staff room. But as I have been working in this school for so long now, I have been noticing some real downright puerile behavour from some staff.. For example, gossiping openly, little whispering chats and quiet when someone comes closer, some pretend others don't exist, etc. Worst of it is that occasionally I get "invited" in such phenomena ( for example, a particular Teacher talking to another Teacher teacher, I enter the room and mind my business, one Teacher leaves eventually, and the other one makes eye contact with me and rolls their eyes at the one that's left behind their back, then tell me "pls don't do x/y for Miss X, she should do that herself, she's got plenty of time". I find that so demeaning to the person that's left, and it makes me uncomfortable.
It's many small things like that every day, Being now asked during lunch chats " do you like Miss Y/Z?", come confiding in me (" you know miss D? she's not very nice, she thinks she knows it all"), all of that. What does it matter who I like or not. I float across a whole year following the lower sets, so I see all the CT and other staff on my floor regularly. Honestly, it feels like a wasps hive and I don't want aything to do with ganging up on people.
Ofcourse not absolutely every one is like that, but it's definitely something that I notice. There are a few lovely people who mind their business and are pleasant and lovely enough so we get through the work day in one piece and a bunch of genuine smiles, but the general vibe feels like politics and picking teams is the thing.
Is it like a domino effect thing, once you're in it you get swamped in and "when in Rome.."? Or just the lottery of particular temperaments coming together in one work-place and turning it in into such a thing?

I (F24) just caught my significant other (M26) lying about deleting his photos with his ex-girlfriend. When we were strictly friends, we used to get along about missing memories with our exes. Remembering that, as soon as we got together, I asked for him to delete the photos he would always look back on because I didn’t want to be in a relationship with somebody who would constantly look back at his previous relationship. My boyfriend agreed and told me that it was a two-way street, and that I should be deleting the photos of my ex as well— to which I agreed and erased.
Many months later, I ask him again about if he deleted the photos and he reassures me that he did, and that he has no reason to hold onto them. Fast forward to now, I found out that he was lying to me this whole time and never did anything on his end to actually get rid of the photos. I questioned why he lied to me numerous times for as long as he did, and he would not stop saying "I don't know why I did." I explicitly told him that he must not be over her if he felt happier to lie to me just to protect his photos of his ex, and he claimed that the photos meant nothing to him and that he wants to be with me lol. Then why did he lie? "I don't know." He tries to apologize profusely and I tell him that he's quite literally only apologizing because I caught him, and that he would have never been sorry for this if I didn't call him out on it. No response.
He's claiming that he wants to make the relationship work, and that he would work on communicating and being honest and upfront. The thing is, I thought the relationship prior to this situation was fucking amazing and communicative and honest. To find out he was happily lying to me this whole time has completely rewritten my view of this relationship and I don't know what to consider as honest anymore. It was not just holding the photos of his ex— it's how he lied to me about getting rid of all of it. Something so small, he stretched out for so long. I want to work through this as he's been the most amazing partner I've been with outside of this aspect.
To those in relationships that are lasting after being lied to by your SO, how did you rebuild your trust? What did your partner do to be able to regain your trust?
TLDR; Boyfriend lied to me about deleting photos of his ex-girlfriend after we mutually agreed upon deleting photos of our exes while entering the relationship. Need help on figuring out how to regain trust.

Hi! I (F, 25) just got married 6 months ago and this is STILL bothering me.. So here I am. I have been friends with this girl (we'll name her O, F, 26) since I was 10 years old with a break from ages 15 to 21 ( I moved) . We reconnected just before my 22nd birthday, which is around the time I met my husband. She had also JUST started dating her now fiance. We are two of five in a group of girls all from the same middle school and reconnected at the same time our partners into the mix. Honestly, before I got engaged there's not much of a story. I found it odd that she got a very similar dog to mine and named it something similar, almost a year to the day that I got mine, but that's like, whatever. She did a couple other little copycat things but, imitation is a form of flattery right? Anyway, my man and I get engaged and essentially, same day, choose our wedding date which was 9 weeks later (it was a significant date). Moments after getting engaged, I call the group and share the news, telling them we will most likely be getting married x day. Now, I understand it's short notice, but they're my lifelong friends and I knew, they knew they'd be bridesmaids.
O tells me she will not be able to make the wedding because she has a trip planned (is this wrong of her, because I totally understood). I make it official at my engagement party 4 weeks later and ask them to be bridesmaids, knowing O won't be present. I ask them for NOTHING. Note: they did not throw me a brunch or lunch or help with anything, nor did I expect it because it was all so quick. I told them they could wear what they want, no gifts, just be present x day, place and time. Shortly after my engagement party (wedding 4.5 weeks away) that O tells us her boyfriend has gone ring shopping. I am happy for her thinking she'll be engaged soon or SOONEST the end of her trip.
My wedding morning arrives, she sends me a congratulatory text from the airport departure lounge. My wedding day goes by. The day after my wedding goes by. I've been married now 48 hours and.. O drops "we're engaged" in the group chat. So what do I do? I call!! Of course! Because that's the least you can do when one of your closest 5 friends has a big life event. The facetime call was awkward at best, she never acknowledged my wedding even though I was still in my all white sweatsuit. She didn't seem to care that I called and her fiance couldn't be bothered, but I could have been interrupting I guess. (Note: she had the ability to call me and join the girls from wherever she was, but chose not to)
They return for their trip and I begin planning to host one of the other 5 girls' birthday party. She, of course, comes to my house for the party. This is the first time we see eachother since I'm a wife and she, a fiancée. At the time, I lived in a high rise building so I had to go down to get her. First words to her "congratulations!!!" It was not returned. Not to me or my husband all. Night. She talked about her wedding ideas and plans with my husband for no less than 30 minutes while the rest of the girls got ready. The other ladies noticed but she just didn't seem to read the room at all. I even tried by giving her a white scrunchie I got during wedding planning as a little pass along, bridal thing... In an effort to initiate some kind of conversation.
After that night, I really realize that this may have been intentional. I mean of course I thought it, but now I was really skeptical. I asked another girl in the group and according to O, her fiance only purchased the ring 3 weeks before their trip. Which means he knew he was going to do it. That's fine, but it would have been so much nicer to have felt included and not like it was done to overshadow me. He could have called and said "hey I'm gonna do this, I know shes your lifelong bestie and she won't be in your wedding photos, but it's for good reason 🥹" I would have been soo down and happy. This leads me to believe that she doesn't really speak highly of me to her man or make our friendship seem as important as I considered it to be... She was a bridesmaid at my mini wedding (25 guests at the ceremony).
We live about 45 minutes apart and have very busy lifestyles so I haven't seen her much since. I've been distant I. The group chat but I'm not sure she's even aware there's an issue, dispute me not being able to give her a difinitive answer on weather or not I want to be a bridesmaid in her wedding.
It's been 6 months since my wedding & her engagement and her engagement party is coming up (My cousin asked me to plan her birthday party, which falls on the same day as her engagement party, so honestly I'm not pressed about going at all)
I still feel icky about everything and honestly am not sure if I care to work it out. On the most important day of my life (imo), she showed how much she cared to make me feel loved. I haven't done anything bridal for her beyond the scrunchie.
AMITA and/or am I overreacting?
Should I be her bridesmaid? Pls I need help..
Notes:
•her wedding is in 2025 •her & her man have been together as long as me & my husband •me f25, my husband m26, her f26, her man m29

Hiiii - where are my baddies struggling w PMDD who are also teachers??
I’m a high school math teacher and this is my first cycle without my boyfriend, who had really been a rock in dealing with my PMDD. The breakup itself isn’t necessarily a factor (it’s been 3 weeks, amicable, still friends, etc.) but not having him to talk things through, to help soothe me, etc is really hard. I’ve gotten a really good protocol down for dealing with meltdowns, spirals, and all of it. Like really solid. But suddenly I’m all alone and it’s hard.
WELL, I think I’m finding that my not having another person to go through this with has lessened my ability to control how my emotions manifest outwardly (at least for right now). For two days now, I have SNAPPED at my kids and not been able to fully restrain my anger (being short w them, being more strict about keeping phones and food away, etc. not anything remotely abusive, pls do not come for me). The anger itself is justified - hey senioritis even tho we still have a final coming up!! 🤪🤪 - but it’s the difficulty reigning things in. And then coming home and not having the person who helps calm me down. /: it’s just been hard.
All this to say - where my other teachers at? How do y’all still do your job when you’re in luteal??? What tips do you have for dealing with PMDD w such a demanding job?
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️