Love text signatures

Hey everyone, I've just returned home from the player sponsor trivia night as representative for our adopted child, Josh Weddle. Apologies in advance as I had no idea what to expect, the comms seemed to indicate there was limited contact but the players literally sat and ate with us the whole time. Otherwise I would've banked up some questions from you all, although I did my best to ask about all sorts of things.
As for how the night went down, I literally had no idea what to expect. Walking into Glenferrie Hotel, we took our name tags and walked to our table only to walk in on virtually the whole team hanging around. The staff had us leave that area for a little bit whilst they got prepared, and whilst enjoying a nice frothie, in walks Sic, Hardwick and Watson. We gave each other the nod as they entered.
When we were allowed to go to our table, we took our seats, when a voice from behind asked us: "how are you guys going tonight?" by none other than Luke Breust. We had a good chat for 15 minutes, I congratulated him on his newborn and he told me about how he was finding fatherhood (all going great). Another person from the table started speaking to Breusty, but that's when our lord and saviour and adopted child Josh Weddle arrived. First things first, Josh Weddle is an absolute legend and we couldn't have had a more perfect player to sponsor. He was super genuine and actively engaged in conversation with the table the whole time.
I let him know how much we at /hawktalk love him and are impressed by him. I also told him he's never allowed to leave the hawks and that I'll glue him to Dingley if I have to. Weddle gave off some great vibes about how much he enjoys being at Hawthorn, so I don't think we have anything to worry about there. I also learned an interesting fact that he was originally a North supporter growing up, which shocked me as I had read he was always Hawks. He said he saw the Hawks link reported on, but wasn't sure where that came from haha.
We spoke about our heartbreaking loss, and I framed a question around whether we planned to go defensive like we did, or whether the game just went that way for us. He couldn't say much, but indicated that the team felt comfortable with the lead and just happened to fall into a defensive mindset. He also didn't appreciate the tag he received for 3 quarters haha. He also was really keen on the fact we were only a couple of wins away from the top 8. I told him I thought we played fantastic regardless of the result, and that at least this happened in a bit of a nothing H&A game rather than say a 3 point win in a prelim leading to a grand final cough cough 2014 ;) we still have that over them hahahah
We also spoke about his interests, hobbies, etc.
I was able to have another chat with Breusty, I spoke with him about his future post-AFL life and how clubs work with players to prepare them for post-AFL life.
Half way in, none other than our senior coach Sammy Mitchell made an appearance and came by every table to have a quick chat. Unfortunately I only was able to have a quick handshake and told him I love what he's done for the team. Was hoping to catch him again before he left, but sadly missed him.
Over the night I got to have quick chats with Nick Watson (told him I loved his energy on field), CJ (told him I missed him and glad he's back in the side, also to get his brother traded to us lol), Sam Frost (spoke a bit about the upcoming Brissie game and how great he's been, said he can probably leave Daniher on his own since Joe will probs kick it on the full anyway which he had a laugh about), Ethan Phillips (told him he had an awesome debut), James Blanck (told him he's going to have to fight Phillips now haha), DGB (said he sounds like he has a wrestler name, which he said he gets the same comments from the team lol), Sic (wouldn't confirm about his shoulder :( was hoping to get the inside scoop there haha reckon he got asked by everyone in the bar haha also told him to smash Charlie Cameron for us, he had a good laugh and said that'll likely be Hardwick's job haha), Cam McKenzie (told him he's been excellent), Bailey McKenzie (unfortunately only had a quick hello and hand shake), Impey (told him he's been great and I hope we get the win for him as captain), Gunner (god love him, said glad he's back at the hawks).
Finally, got to have a photo with Weddle and a whole bunch of signatures on a #23 guernsey.
All in all I had an absolute ripper night, had great interactions with majority of the team. Breust and Weddle were amazing, I wish I could've had more time with them since they were so down to earth and happy to chat. I highly recommend for anyone who thought about going, to get involved next time.
Anyone with any questions, I talked a lot that I can't fully capture in this post without writing a novel. So feel free to ask and I'll answer what I can :)

Heyy Nela here!
If you are just in need to text with someone, I am definitely here for you. I love to listen or just be there for someone, talk about what you like to do, your problems, and so on. Would also be happy to get some new friends here. <3
So i thought about something. I posted a picture of myself on my profile, so you can guess my age, if you like. I think that can be a good starter for some conversations and kind of breaks the ice.
Well anyone that wants, can just send me a Direct Message. I will wait for you!

Our kids became friends last fall as they played hockey together. The other parent was the coach. Early on in the season the coach mentioned that my son was playing with a stick that was too short for him. He then overheard my wife telling our son that she wasn't sure we had the money to buy a new stick right now. He talked to his son and they gave our son one of his old sticks that was a better size for our son. This made my wife think highly of these people and she started kinda pushing the friendship between the families especially between the two boys who play hockey together.
We start inviting this kid to our house and my wife warns me that he is very autistic and doesn't have play dates a lot. The kid isn't even at our house thirty minutes and has already punched our six year old. The kid was 10 at the time. We have three boys. At the time they were nine, eight, and six. So he punches our six year old and then he just starts being awful to the two younger boys. Because I am an adult, I don't freak out. I talk to him. I tell him if he wants to spend time at our house he isn't allowed to hit or a be mean to the younger kids. I tell him that I don't get the impression that he is a mean person, but rather he seems to think it will impress my son if he is mean to his younger brothers and that being mean to younger siblings is not cool and won't impress anyone. It will just make the parents think twice about letting him come over. After our talk he started behaving a bit better, but was still mean at times during this first visit.
The boys start hanging out together all the time and while my younger two boys loved this kid, my oldest who he was really there to hang out with started to act distant and at times seemed to be pushing his friend away. His friend would freak out if my son didn't want to do exactly what he wanted to do which was usually video games. Sometimes my son would tire of video games and start doing something else without his friend. His friend would go find him and lecture him on how when he has a friend over he needs to play with them. I would normally agree that it was rude of my son to just leave his friend and go do something else, but tried to also explain to his friend that he was tired of video games and maybe they could find something else to do together, but this kid pretty much only wanted to play video games and would be almost offended that my son didn't.
Anyway after I noticed this happening, the other parents started informing my wife that our son was bullying their son. My wife does most of communicating with other parents as I am more introverted normally and too often assume other adults are assholes. The only thing we noticed for sure was our son yelling at this kid once while fishing and we both talked to our son about how we should talk to friends and yelling at friends would lead to him not having any. Everything else was hearsay and I didn't know what to believe, but we still talked to our son about the accusations of bullying and we are not okay with bullying and we better not find out he is doing that. They accused our son of sending mean messages, but provided no proof and we looked everywhere we could think of and the messages we see our sending are to his paternal father and grandmother. Still we talk to him again about what he is being accused off and let him know that we really hope he isn't bullying anyone, and he will be in big trouble if we find out he is.
While this is going on I am downstairs one day and hear the kids playing games online. They are playing with this friend and I can hear his voice through the TV speaker. He is yelling at them telling them to talk to him. " I know you have a mic! Turn in it on! This is very rude! I know you have a mic so talk to me or I am leaving! I don't know why you guys are being buttholes to me. Just turn the mic on and talk to me or I am not playing with you! Their mic had stopped working and he was assuming they were just ignoring him, which doesn't make any sense because they sent him the invite to play with them, but he's a kid so I can't fault him for assumptions.
Fast forward to Saturday. This kid has a birthday party and my whole family is there. My kid was on one that day I admit. He was trying to impress a girl and kept teasing me by taking my hat and running off with it in a playful manner. This is something he may get from his mom and I because the way we play and flirt with eachother is by little things like this. She'll come home with silly string now and then and spray me randomly, and I find it funny and love that part of her personality, even when I am in a grumpy mood, I always smile about it. He has seen his mom shove frosting in my face at birthday parties, and so he thinks this is funny. The part that upsets me the most is that apparently the kids mother told the kids specifically not to play with the cupcakes. She said not to take one if you weren't going to eat it I guess. My son took a cupcake and then playfully tried to throw it at the birthday boy. I say playfully because that was what it was. There was no mean intent but the birthday boy got upset and I talked to my son about not doing that kind of thing unless you know the other person is okay with that kind play. Some people just aren't. Anyway my wife asks if everything is okay, because the other family seems upset. They say everything is fine and laugh it off. An hour later the dad sends my wife a bunch of messages calling our son a bully and us bad parents for allowing all of this bullying to continue and then blocks us on everything.
Over the course of the hockey season this dude got more and more involved with local kids hockey and is now one of the main dudes in kids hockey locally. I already know how he handles things cause there were multiple hockey teams and it was getting to be too much for him, so he hand chose the kids he wanted to coach the most and made one team that he would coach and basically canceled the rest of the season for the other kids. He didn't tell the parents of the kids he didn't choose for his team. He just said because ice time was hard to come by, scheduling conflicts, the incompetence of others involved in local hockey, and not having enough help, the season would be ending a bit early this year. The other parents found out about the secret team and were pissed. Then he basically just called them all assholes in mass text and blocked them all. Worried this douche is gonna have a say in what hockey team my son is on next season he'll screw him over.
Am I the asshole for not beating my son senseless over a cupcake to make this guy think I was a good parent?

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/themachucajr posting in Marriage
Ongoing as per OOP
1 updates - Long
Original - 7th May 2024
Update - 15th May 2024
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My wife friend-zoned me and wants a platonic “companionship”
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My wife (35f) and I (35m) have been married for 15 years and we've been together for 20 years. We have two kids (12,14) we absolutely adore and work tirelessly to provide the best possible life for them. For the past 3 years, things have been somewhat bumpy. I understand that our kids are at an age where they require a ton of our attention and resources with school, band, club sports, and other extracurriculars and I'm aware of the physical and emotional toll that can have on marriages.
However, for these past 3 years, my wife and I have had very little intimacy and very little sex and we've been trying very hard to work on that aspect of our relationship. This past year has been the most difficult and by far the darkest year in our marriage. We didn’t talk very much, we essentially became roommates coparenting our kids under the same roof. It was very depressing and very demoralizing. It was to the point where we began contemplating divorce and it became very dark and gloomy in the household because of that.
We began seeking help with both individualized therapy and couples therapy and it seems to have helped some. Little by little we started to get along and started to have deeper conversations about what our marriage looks like and what we would love for it to look like. This is where it gets tough. As time passed, my wife started to tell me she no longer was "in love with me" and that she only saw me as a "best friend." That she only loved me in a very platonic way, and this was one of the main reasons she didn’t have any desire for intimacy and let alone sex.
This was very shocking to me and quite frankly, I was devastated. I because angry and depressed and I couldn't fathom the thought that I was no longer wanted or desired by the person I felt completely in love with. Things began to deteriorate again and not long after, we were back to square one. I sat down with her one afternoon and had a heart to heart and began to ask questions about where the root of this problem lies, and her answer was "I don't know" and that "I have built up resentment towards you but I don't know where it stems from." As you can imagine, this provides very little to no insight into how to approach this.
I'm puzzled, I'm frustrated and I do not know what to do at this point. Currently, we've arrived at a place where she says that she has no sex drive and no desire for intimacy or connection. She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic. I asked her what I could possibly do or what is it about me that is so unattractive or undesirable and she her response is always "I don't know." She stated that she does "love" me but its not the same. That she has been feeling disconnected for years and that our marriage just takes up too much work. Her focus is only the children for now and that my coparenting contributions are "meaningful" to her in our home.
I'm at a loss and I'm mainly venting about my frustration. It's tough to realize that the person you love has no feelings for you. I feel like at this point I'm only here to contribute financially and as a parent. I feel like what she means with "companionship" is that she's comfortable with the convenience of having a good father for our kids and my financial contribution to the household.
In regard to intimacy and/or sex, she basically told me that its not something she’s interested in or wants at this time. She mentioned that the only way to get to a point for any of that is to be intoxicated which o believe is incredibly awful and very wrong. I told her I do not think forcing herself to have sex or be intimate by drinking or smoking is good and I declined to be a part of that which to my surprise, it upset her and made her more distant.
We're both extremely honest and transparent. We've never cheated on each other and we are always free to look through each others phones, emails, socials, etc. and we hardly ever do. I asked her if there was someone else and she declined. Honestly, I believe her. We then peacefully went through each other’s things and as expected, it was clean. We've always been very forward, even with the hard topics so I don't smell nor feel any foul play or infidelity.
Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated? (I'm firm on my stance of not partaking in this "only when I'm high or drunk" sex because it doesn’t sit well with me.) I do not know how to help our situation and I'm starting to become a bit anxious and desperate. We're both fairly young and healthy individuals and good looking. We both have good standing careers and are good parents. I'm just not sure how our lives could have driven us to this point. I'd love some outside perspective on this matter and some insight on how to address something like this. It feels so awful to be unwanted and undesired by my own spouse. I hate it.
tl;dr: My wife of 15+ years is no longer in love with me and doesn’t know way and now says she can only have sex while intoxicated or I need to settle for a platonic sexless marriage and she doesn’t know why that is but it is what it is and I'm in need of insight or advice.
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Comments
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Warthog__
From your comment history it looks like you are Swingers? If so, I would think that would be relevant information to consider.

OOP: We did some swinging in the past. That was fun for some time. We mutually decided to stop doing it and we have established it’s not the case. When we were swinging however, our marriage seemed to be in a good place. This IS something we did disclose with our couple therapist and made sure to include it to make sure we’re not neglecting an obvious potential issue.
I will say, I did ask my wife if what she experienced during swinging is something that is affecting her view on our relationship and she said it wasn’t. Our swinging experience was always together and it was very sex driven. Nothing really emotional or “poly”. Truth is, I have to believe her at her word. I have no reason to distrust her. To date, she’s always been very forward and never afraid of dealing things head on. No matter how painful.

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failedopportunities
It’s an obvious potential issue bro… wether it be she’s enjoying herself a side piece and wants nothing to do with you in that manner anymore. Or, she just went along with you on the swinging and never wanted to do it in the first place. Hence brings resentment. Regardless, should have been included in the initial post.

OOP: Swinging was her idea. Not mine. But I suppose I should have included it but I honestly believe her on it not being an issue. I don’t have any reason to distrust her. Maybe it’s something she has to accept with her therapist or our couples therapist. Can’t really approach that with a solution if she doesn’t think it was a problem. IDK

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BigIronBruce

She says that all she wants is simply "companionship" which basically means our coparenting roommate dynamic.

That's only a marriage if you both agree it is. You're hoping she's going to wake up one day and feel different but she's basically said that's not going to happen and doesn't want to figure out why she feels that way. It seems like you tried several different ways to get to the bottom of it and she's either deflected or is being honest that she's not in love with you.

Am I wrong for declining to only be intimate or have sex when she’s intoxicated?

I wouldn't do this, either, if that makes you feel better.
Will she be your best friend if you live elsewhere and have a relationship with somebody in love you. Probably not. Which makes the whole "best friend" speech feel like self-deception on her part.
I won't lie, if it were me, I'd get a divorce. She doesn't seem willing to do the work to fix the marriage and you can't fix it alone. She might promise to fix it or beg you not to but you need to follow your gut as to whether she actually can or will fix it. She's serious that she wants you to stick around but not necessarily as her husband.
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OOP: A very hard truth to accept here. Thank you

Interesting-Tip-4850

"I’m ensure I do everything possible to mend our marriage to ensure my own peace of mind and excite knowing I did everything I could."

you may still concider 180 method, to protect yourself and perhaps in the same time the reality that the ship is leaving may start to change your wifes perspective. If that doesnt what else would.

OOP: Can you elaborate on the “180 Method”?

Interesting-Tip-4850
Basically withold from any unnecesary interactions and affection. This is from an infidelity forum, but principles are the same https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

OOP: I bookmarked this. I’m heavily considering this.

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Update - 8 days later
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I wanted to give you guys an update of how the therapy session with my wife went this week. Not sure if this is helpful or not but I took many of the responses/comments/suggestions from my initial post and put together some things I wanted to discuss with our couples therapist to help us navigate some of the core issues that may be affecting this situation.
One of the main things that is the "buzz word" of this has been the term "resentment" and it has been really eating me up inside knowing my wife keeps telling me she doesn't know why she's resentful or doesn't know why this is affecting her emotionally/mentally. I brought this up with our therapist once again and resurfaced the conversation about being married for so long (15yrs) and being together since we ere 14yrs old. Our long history of growing up and how having children when she was 19yrs old (me 20) significantly changed the trajectory of our lives.
We experience severe poverty and many hardships in the process and we essentially had zero social life for the past 10 years because we were so busy raising babies (2 kids now ages 12 &14). She followed up with tons of questions directly mostly at my wife about her feelings towards this and 90% of the responses were very "our kids" focused. It definitely felt like she was afraid of saying "yes it sucked" because she would feel guilt or shame because it would imply she regrets the kids.
I mentioned this in the session and the therapist encouraged her to look at this outside of the lens of being a mother and to try to view it a bit more selfishly and individually and it was very eye opening. My wife mentioned that she was very frustrated with the fact that we did miss out on many things in life. She also was very clear in saying "I do not think I missed out on other partners or dating or partying but I certainly lost all my friends." This was huge because one of the big pieces that has caused a strain in our lives is how silo'd and isolated we've been (again busy raising kids). I followed up by reminding her that it's important to have good friends and to make time for herself and her friendships.
For the past 3+ years, we've had multiple conversations about friends and how it is important to have them in life. Specially when you have similar peers that can help in many areas of life that perhaps we have no experience navigating and even simply for enjoyment. It has always been something my wife avoids, even though she's always been someone who needs that external stimuli. The main reason for her not investing in friends or even herself has always been "the kids." Like I mentioned earlier in this post, 90% of the answers have to relate to "the kids" to some degree.
At this point in our session I started to feel like there was a common denominator (the kids) in most of the frustrations and problems she was experiencing. So I simply asked her "Do you think you may be upset at me because I'm responsible for these kids in the sense that I got you pregnant so young?" I wasn't ready but she said that she was upset at me for that. She also followed up with the fact that she knows that's unreasonable because it "takes 2 to tango." I did feel like it was progress because it kind of gave us something to work on and help alleviate some of these "burdens" so we agreed to invest more time in nurturing good friendships both together and individually.
Towards the end of the session, we began to discuss what actionable items we would take from this session. At this point, it was still all very ambiguous and blurry as to what the outcomes were. I was very direct and very forward in asking my wife what her plan is moving forward. (NOTE: I had decided prior to the session that should my wife say the same thing about being a coparenting roommate that I would take the 180 approach and essentially do me) She started basically saying the same thing, that she doesn't have any desire to be intimate or sexual with me as of now and that she loves me immensely and she feels bad for not being there for me (as mentioned in my first post).
I also brought up the brief swinging that happened, to which for the 50th time said it wasn't a problem. I agree with her on this. This was something that was a "mechanical" approach for a solution to a problem that was very much in existent when we tried this. We (both) really have no issue to this. We know it happened, we tried it and mutually stopped and turned the page.
I also brought up other life events that may cause resentment and really we ended up not getting anywhere else as far as the root for resentment which was discouraging.
I then basically expressed to my wife that I will not be ok with that arrangement. I told her that I've really done everything I can and that this issue really has reached a point where it has nothing to do with me or require me to do anything that I'm currently not doing. I was very direct and saying that I will not be accepting this dynamic and that I need to be with someone who is actively involved in our marriage, works towards resolutions and is very much interested in maintaining an active intimacy and sexual relationship.
I expressed how I am not going to be a "convenience" and that there was more to life than being roommates and coparents. I made sure she knows I love her dearly and that I do want this to work for the better. I also told her that I'm fully committed to this marriage so long as she is as well and that is she wasn't, its ok, however I will not be a part of something where these efforts are not reciprocated. I told her I have no plans of leaving, and I do not want a divorce, however, I made it clear that if this dynamic continues that divorce will be the only outcome.
Of course tears were involved and it was a very bleak and sad ending to the session. Still nothing was said and I walked out very discouraged and very determined to start working on the 180 as soon as we left the room. It's painful and very difficult because much of the 180 requires you to be very short and cold and transactional. The saddest part is realizing, this dynamic already is very cold and transactional.
Here is where it gets VERY interesting. I started working on implementing many of the 180 recommendations that same day. I mentioned to my wife that, "hey, things are going to be a bit different moving forward. I'm going to honor her roommate/coparent dynamic without reproach and that it should be no mistake that I am not happy here and I am never going to be ok with it but I am done working on it if she wasn't going to work on it."
She agreed and went to bed. I started to build distance and started to basically focus on myself. Very short and transactional. She asked for help on some of her personal things to which I declined and it really shocked her. She was upset saying I was being petulant. I explained to her that, she is now fully in charge of her own life and her own issues.
We didn't talk all day and we only spoke when necessary. Few days I keep this going and she's very visibly upset and stressed. I typically react to that with gestures of help or nurturing but I didn't this time. That night she was crying telling me she's stressed and she things something is wrong with me because I'm "indifferent." I simply listened, then I told her that this is the dynamic she proposed and that I'm simply (much like her) taking care of myself and focusing on myself.
I'm not going to lie, it has been VERY hard to be cold and distant because as I mentioned before, I love her and I wish I could hold her and love on her. However, I know this is somewhat manipulative in a way just to get her way and still keep me in the friendzone. So I've been staying the course.
We're now going on a week of this 180 and let just say, there has been MANY changes on her side. I think she is starting to realize there is more to me than just "friends and coparenting." I sent her a text a few days ago essentially itemizing bills and separating the financial responsibilities 50/50 and SHE LOST HER SHIT. She basically told me it was "out of left field" to which I responded "hey, friends go in 50/50 and as your friend I expect nothing less."
This was very eye opening because it gave me a glimpse of I'm really taken for granted and how her level of comfort and convenience at my expense is really overlooked. I pushed through anyways and basically told her that this is the new dynamic she asked for and that its still a "bargain" because she would have to be 100% if she was on her own.
I'll wrap up with this. While the 180 has been working in many different areas, I am still very much sad about the overall situation. There have been MANY eye opening statements being said and realization that have not been pleasant to encounter. It has also sparked new energy and new efforts on her side as well. She's definitely seeking to talk to me more often and while its hard to turn down, I hope if things improve, this continues to happen.
I've also noticed that she's making more time for herself aside from being a mom which is HUGE because she pretty much neglected herself for years. I'm very pleased seeing her be more herself. My hope is that as we work on ourselves, the marriage improves. There really is no telling at this point where this will go. We are very much cordial and amicable even to this day and that's a very good sign.
Boundaries are set and expectations are very clear and I feel that no matter the outcome, I will be at peace with everything that has been done. We're still going to continue the couples therapist until we either rekindle our marriage or end up in divorce. I feel like having this nonbiased third party really helps as a witness and as a guide through this. No matter what I will always love my wife, however, I will not participate in a sexless, intimacy less marriage because we both deserve better.
Thank you all for all the kind words and recommendations and feedback. This will be my last post on this topic and I wish you all the best.
TL;DR: My wife friend-zoned me wants to just coparent at my expense but I started the 180 method to try and find a solution because she doesn't want to work on us which seems to be working on getting her out of her rut and helping me discover more about how she feels. Also, therapy is paramount and highly recommend to all couples.
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Comments
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Complete-Old-1960
Bottom line and not to be brutal, but there is one thing you don't have infinite amount of, is TIME. This has to be resolved in a timely manner. It takes 2 to be in love and to be loved, and u only have ½ of the equation. You need to put a time limit on you being the good guy and think of you and your future. Look hope it works out for you, but listening to what you are going through and what you could be in for you can still be a good father but also be a great husband to another wife if you find that special person again.

OOP: Definitely. I think this “soft ultimatum” (180 method) has been very eye opening. I’m definitely hoping for a rekindling of our marriage but I’m also bracing for divorce. I agree on a timeline and I’ve decided on a timeline for myself privately. I don’t want to give her a timeline because I want to reduce the pressure, however, after 1-2 yrs of things don’t improve, it won’t be shocking or a surprise if we split. I think 1-2yrs is more than reasonable.

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shes_a_killer
I have to agree with this, simply because at some point, the person who has gone 180 and is waiting for the other person to decide will begin to wonder, "Wow, they're really taking their time coming around to me...did they love me at all? If they ever appreciated and cared for me, why would they keep me waiting and neglecting me for so long?" Except, in my case, it had more to do with the other person being stubborn and unable to admit their faults.

OOP: I understand what you mean. I don’t think I’ll ever doubt she loved me at all. I’m certain she did and I’m certain she still does. I know it sounds crazy and I’m not at all infatuated or blinded by love. Love is far more than the intimacy and sex we’re lacking.

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RandyPan_theGoatBoy
I think it’s interesting that in the comments of your original post you said you didn’t think she was taking you for granted but you came to realize she absolutely was. Can you give some more details on what the 180 method is?

OOP: Yeah, I definitely felt this way. But with this 180 method it’s happening right in front of my eyes. Actual actions and reactions taking place that clearly demonstrate that she is taking me for granted. She actually see this as well. It’s evident she’s thinking about this heavily based on her demeanor and her behavior.
Here’s what I used as a guide:
https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/documents/library/articles/discovery/the-simplified-180/

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/evastraea posting in AmItheAsshole
Concluded as per OOP
2 updates - Long
Original - 21st June 2022
Update1 - 27th June 2022
Comment from OOP - 27th June 2022
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AITA for not giving my adopted daughter a stuffed animal for her high school graduation, when both of my biological children got one?
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I [49f] have 3 children, [22f], [19m], and [18f]. My oldest are my biological children from a previous marriage, and my youngest I became a mother to at the age of 2 when I married her widowed father. She has only ever called me mom, and I officially adopted her at the age of 12.
Now on to the issue with the stuffed animals: years and years ago, when I was only 20 and in college, I worked at a children's museum. I adored the job and working with kids, and had the idea to buy stuffed animals from the gift shop to be my future-kids' first stuffed animals whenever they were born. I had gotten a stuffed bear at birth that was very special to me growing up, and on my 18th birthday my parents gifted me a duplicate they had bought way back when and kept for me all these years. I found this so special, and wanted to do something similar, so I bought 6 stuffed animals from the museum's gift shop; 3 to be given at birth, and 3 duplicates. I had no idea at the time how many kids I would have, but I knew I wasn't planning on having more than 3, so I didn't get any more.
My first daughter received the stuffed animal I selected for her while pregnant. Then, between her birth and the birth of my son, I miscarried. The experience was deeply traumatic for me, especially as I miscarried in my second trimester, and I buried my baby with the stuffed animal they would have gotten. I kept the duplicate to for comfort, to cuddle and hold.
Finally, my son was born and received the last of the stuffed animals I had set aside so many years ago. Now, here's where I may be the asshole. For both my daughter and son's high school graduations, I surprised them with the duplicates, for them to take to college with them and compare against the stuffies they've been loving on their whole lives. Both were very moved by this, and took both (original and duplicate) to school with them.
My youngest, however, never received a stuffed animal, and so when her graduation celebration rolled along I had no duplicate to gift her. I watched her unpack all her gifts, and her face fall when she got to the last one and realized. She didn't really say anything, just got this super sad look on her face, and excused herself to her room. I followed to ask what was wrong, but she said she didn't want to talk to me, so her father went in instead.
According to him she cried to him that she didn't feel as loved by me as her siblings, and as much a part of the family - the unwrapping of her siblings' stuffed animals were very emotional events, and she had had the expectation she'd be getting the same. In hindsight I could have easily done something similar for her whenever I first came into her life, even if it wouldn't have been from the museum, but I just didn't think of it. She has been cold to me this entire last week, and I feel so terrible, I've offered to take her out to a special dinner the two of us to make amends but she turned me down. AITA?
Edit: the votes are in, and I am definitively TA. Many of you are suggesting that I get her a stuffie that reminds me of her, or maybe to get her two so she can continue the tradition with her future kids. But I think what I will do is gift her the duplicate my parents gifted me of my special plush bear I received at birth, which is one of my most treasured possessions, and deeply meaningful to me. Thank you all for the advice, it is genuinely appreciated.
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Comments
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Mrs-Addams
YTA. Nothing quite says “you’re not like my other kids” like leaving her out of a family tradition when her turn came. I’m sorry about the loss of your baby and understand why you kept that stuffed animal for your own, however, the tradition could have started with her when she joined your family at age 2, or when you formally adopted her.
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SmartassMouth89
YTA your kids grew up together and for years you never once thought to go and buy two stuffed animals for your adoptive daughter?
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QueenKeisha
Right? In 16 years, and after giving 2 other bears away, she didn’t once think, hey what about youngest?
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SmartassMouth89
Right? She liked the daughters dad enough to marry him but didn’t think that it would be a good idea to give the two year old a stuffie at the wedding?
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Update - 6 days later
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Long story short: my daughter found my reddit post, and came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction. This was NOT my expectation, and I assured her she had nothing to apologize for, as I had been in the wrong. We had a long discussion about the situation, our feelings, and how to move forward from this, and although I know she is still hurt we are on our way to making amends.
Long story long: so what even happened? As I've now discovered, my daughter loves browsing AITA. She stumbled on my post, and after reading it in it's entirety, as well as a good chunk of the comments (all of mine, and many left by other redditors) she came to me in tears apologizing for her reaction.
She sobbed in my arms that she didn't want this to be the end of our relationship, and that she was sorry, and wanted to enjoy this last summer together. I held her and assured her she had nothing to apologize for, and apologized myself (I did shed a little tear, but tried to keep my emotions in check as I did not want the burden of comforting me to be on her).
What followed was a productive but incredibly emotionally vulnerable conversation, the details of which I will not disclose entirely. She has been going through a rough time, and my impression (I could be wrong) is that the lack of a stuffie at graduation was a catalyst for bigger emotions. She did take me up on my offer to take her to dinner, and I've now booked a reservation at a nice restaurant she has been wanting to go to for a while.
And last night we cooked her favorite dinner together, which gave us an opportunity to smooth things over somewhat. We have not yet broached the subject of me intending to gift her my own plush, except for very briefly (she insisted I didn't have to, and seemed to feel a lot of guilt), but I still plan to. I just feel it would be best to wait until things have cooled down.
And if she truly doesn't feel comfortable taking it, I plan on getting a bear of a similar look to be its "little brother" for her to take care of. That's the update, obviously things have not magically mended overnight, but we are finally on-track to a resolution. Many thanks to all that left advice, and please check the comments below for clarification on many questions asked before passing any judgements (I far exceeded the allowed word limit, and have instead pasted much of what I intended to say here below).
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Comments
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aroundincircles
Read your first post and this one, and I feel it from both sides. My wife and I recently adopted a bio niece (13 yo this week) and she welcomes us as dad and mom, but we've run into a number of times where the kids will pull out something from a trip we went on, or an activity we did, etc years before she was ever in our lives, and she'll go "why don't you have one of those for me"? It's really hard, some of these things are simply impossible for us to get, and/or would cost us thousands of dollars (when We already spent 30+k on custody/adoption lawyers and court fees).
She also didn't even bring anything with her when we picked her up, she wasn't even allowed to bring a change of underwear. It's been something that we've had to deal with in counselling that her life with us didn't start till she was almost 12, and we have to begin fresh from there, we cannot turn back the clock and give her back an entire childhood she missed. Like when we went camping for the first time with her, and we were getting things out to visually see what we needed to get from the store and we pulled out the kid's sleeping bags, and she was like "where is mine", and the fact that we didn't already have one hurt her.
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Glum_Hamster_1076
And that doesn’t make you an ahole. I hope no one will call you one. Situations change and you’re not always able to “make up for it”. OP didn’t do this to hurt her daughter and it’s weird people are painting it that way. I hope things are going well with you all in therapy and your family is making great strides together.
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Comment from OOP
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When I initially posted to AITA, I was prepared to face judgment, and open to constructive criticism. However, while I did receive many constructive comments, which I truly appreciate, I received many more that were hateful and unconstructive, and I will admit, I did get defensive. But the attitude I took on in the comments is not one I brought into my interactions with my daughter; please understand that I did not throw in her face all the kind things I feel I've done for her over the years, but was rather attempting to contextualize our relationship for strangers who've never met us.
And before passing any further judgment in the comments, please check below for answers to a lot of the questions asked in the original thread. To answer a few questions: why did I not adopt her until 10 years after I came into her life? Because I never sought to force myself on her as her mother, and waited until she could give me explicit consent to adopt her. Why did I never buy her any stuffed animals? I did. I bought her many when I first met her, as well as one for her official adoption day, and every adoption day celebration since.
And I did technically gift her a stuffed animal for her graduation, too, it was just a plush of her college's mascot rather than a duplicate of a treasured plush from her childhood. So why did I not buy her a duplicate at any point over the last 16 years? I did not think to until my oldest graduated and received hers, by which point I (mistakenly) felt the significance would be lost. Both my bio kids received stuffies saved for them for decades, whereas she would have received one saved for only four years. Instead I tried to honor her in other ways, such as (as I described in the comments) crafting her a cookbook of generational family recipes that I illustrated by hand, because she is her own individual.
Truthfully, while I understand the sentiments expressed in the comments, I don't believe recognizing differences is inherently a bad thing. The duplicate stuffies my bio kids received were duplicates of the very first stuffies to ever be in their crib with them. Their receival of them was a birth event, and I did not give birth to my youngest. But that does not mean I love her any less, or that she is any less my daughter.
We have established our own traditions honoring her entry into my life, such as our celebration of her adoption day, and while I realize I could have handled the stuffie situation better, I do believe it was an honest mistake. But how could I not include her in a treasured family tradition, knowing how important it is (especially as an adopted child) to feel a part of the family? Because I truly did not realize this one specific tradition meant as much to her as it did.
I have strived to include her in as many family traditions as possible throughout the years. As I mentioned in the comments, she speaks German because I taught and spoke it to her growing up, even though her father does not. We celebrate German traditions, such as baking countless batches of German Christmas cookies together every year (just the two of us, neither of her siblings have any interest in baking), which is something I grew up doing with my mom, and every year it is quality time I deeply treasure.
For her 16th birthday I gifted her the locket my mother gifted me on my 16th, which she'd been gifted by my grandmother before me - this actually upset my eldest daughter, who had not received such a hand-me-down, and this is just to name a few. So given the fact that she has on occasion received and taken part in traditions my other kids have been excluded from, I did not think the stuffie would carry as much weight as it ultimately did. But isn't her reaction an indication that there are larger issues at play, and that she has likely felt this way for a while? Perhaps.
I am not a perfect adoptive mother, and have never claimed to be. And I can not see inside her brain, so I cannot know her true feelings. But my sense - and I may be wrong! - is that the larger issues at play relate back to her bio mom, which is something she expressed to me in our conversation. I did not disclose this in my original post, because I did not believe it to be relevant, and it is also a painful topic within our family, but her bio mom committed suicide whilst in the thick of post-partum depression. This has obviously impacted my daughter, who has been in and out of therapy for years grappling with feelings of loss, and guilt.
She is highly sensitive to feeling isolated within our family unit, which is something I should have taken into account in this situation, and I own that. I realize this is a huge hunk of text, but given the visceral reaction many had, I felt it was important to cover my bases. Come to whatever conclusions you all like, I will likely not be checking the comments for my own mental health, and the wellbeing of my family. To all who left genuine advice, even if that meant calling me an asshole, I truly do appreciate you. And to all who said hateful things, especially in regard to the loss of my baby, please consider the impact your words may have moving forward
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Comments
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Rice-Correct
You’re a good mom. It might’ve been a mistake not to gift her the plush, and it might, as you said, just have been indicative of some larger big emotions going on, as graduating is a HUGE milestone and going to college is an enormous life change that is very rewarding and exciting, but also stressful. But it sounds like you’ve been amazing about creating beautiful memories and experiences together! I think at some point, the plush will be a distant memory. From your post, it seems pretty clear you DO have a good relationship, and you’re a caring, empathetic parent. ENJOY your summer together, Mama!
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sharraleigh
Don't take the hateful comments personally; it's easy to be cruel online to a faceless stranger. Also, your original post didn't include all this info (it would've been impossible to anyway), and therefore lacked a lot of the back story and nuance that frankly, a real person's life experience encompasses. Your daughter probably saw your post and realized how her reaction hurt your feelings and read the hateful comments and felt bad for you. It sounds like you have a great relationship and you're lucky to have each other in your lives!
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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Sorry this is long with the backstory.
So in 2021 I divorced my husband and he kept the house. Although I had been a homeowner for decades now, I really didn't want to tie myself to another piece of property so soon, and I thought the housing market surge was a bubble that would soon burst like 2008 (oops), I decided to rent a house. Found a nice one in a not fantastic neighborhood but overall it was ok in a "leave me alone, I'll leave you alone" way. It also had a garage I could park my car in, a must have to me (important later). For most of the 2 year lease I was pretty happy there and even entertained thoughts of making an offer on it when the lease was up. And the landlord was a boomer but seemed to be a great guy, fixed things that needed fixing promptly, helped me with things like hanging curtains, and I even did a lot of yard work to clean up the overgrown backyard well above and beyond maintaining it in the condition I found it because again, he was good to me and I planned to buy the place eventually.
But-you know, every street has THAT house and after about the sixth time they parked blocking my driveway so that I couldn't get out I told them I really didn't want a war, but I would call the cops if it happened again. A few days later the house was severely vandalized, and I'm sure had my car not been locked up in the garage, the vandalism would have happened to my car. I quickly decided that I was not buying this house and when the lease was up I bought another one, giving the standard 30 day move out notice required. (Of course I couldn't prove they did the vandalism, but...)
The second I gave Boomer Landlord notice, he turned into the biggest dick. He couldn't push me out that house fast enough so he could jack the rent (he raised it $200 over what i was paying, I looked). Some of the highlights:
1) He started asking to show it at all times of the day and night while I'm still packing things up. I think in the space of a month he showed it close to 15 times.
2) Started demanding to make repairs at all time and coming over all the time. If he wasn't showing it he was over in my hair doing some project to spruce it up that could easily have waited till I moved.
3) Came home to find his wife "gardening." I did all the gardening and had put in many new plants. I had a small tea rose I had rescued from near death in the store and nursed it to a nice healthy little plant. My pride and joy. Came home to find this bitch in my flower bed and I look and I'm like "where's my tea rose?" And she says she "pruned it" and points-she has hacked the thing all the way down to where it is a solitary stick about two inches above ground level. I wanted to kill her.
4) He found some cheap crew who would blacktop the driveway, something he'd been promising me for over a year, last minute. He texts me at 3 p.m. in the afternoon that they will be there the next morning and I won't be able to park in my garage for 3 days. On less than 24 hours notice and remember the vandalism? I told him this was in no way fair, and no way was I leaving my car on the street and he told me I had "a victim mentality."
5) The day I came back and cleaned the place I came damn close to just smacking the shit out of him. He came over, practically stood over me as I worked. I'm Gen X, not a spring chicken myself, and I have never been condescended to and talked down to so much in my life. I was lectured about the proper way to sweep a hardwood floor, told for the 10,000th time not to use Comet on the tub. I thought I would kill him if he didn't get out of my face. The capper-I scrubbed on the oven FOREVER, used a whole can of cleaner, and there was still a small black ring in the center that was not coming clean for love or money. I told him I was done with it and that was that. I was then lectured (and by the way, I cook in the oven MAYBE once a week tops). Did you know you should clean your oven EVERY MONTH? Like sorry, dude, I have an actual life.
In the end I did get my security deposit back, minus a couple little pissy charges, but damn. In less than 30 days he destroyed what I thought was a great 2 year relationship.

My wife loves to send me really long voice notes, and most of the ways of transcribing them either take you out of WhatsApp or require a monthly subscription. So I fixed it.
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Hope you like it! Let me know what you think or if there’s any other features I should add!

Hey there everyone! I’m Z (he/they) & I’m looking to run a slow-paced, roleplay-heavy game with a focus on queer players & narratives. Experience doesn't matter, I love having newer players in my games!
I know this is long, but please read it throughly! The application isn't much shorter and I don't want to waste your time. I will be keeping the application up and reposting through the week, so there's no rush!
I also really shouldn't have to say this, but considering the only comments I got on my first post were negative: please don't harass me for wanting to run a safe table for people. Or, if you do, at least acknowledge the irony. . . This is a handicapped parking space; I know it's empty, but so are the dozens of spaces around it.
A little more about me - I'm 32 and I’ve been playing since 2017, mostly as a DM. Before the pandemic I ran a lot of local store games and ‘how to DM events’ for adults, as well as library games for kids. It took me a while to adjust to playing online but now I prefer it, as it’s allowed me to find a whole new love for the game playing with different kinds of people and focusing on intentionally creating a safe space for those who don’t feel comfortable at most tables.
Format - I would like to run weekly voice sessions on discord (with optional cameras) using roll20 as our VTT & the option to roleplay via text on the server throughout the week, with either other PCs or NPCs - I also like doing lore drops this way, or giving previews to other things that are happening in the world. I like dndbeyond for character sheets (and I’m happy to share all my content), but as long as I can see them, you can run them wherever. I am bad about using music bots on discord, so I would love it if someone knew how that all worked and could help with that, otherwise I can share playlists on spotify.
Scheduling - I would like to play anytime between 8am MST in the mornings and let’s say 4pm or so on Saturdays, and again we’d be shooting for every week, but obviously life happens and we might need to take a week off. It would also be lovely if you have a slightly flexible schedule just in case, as I can occasionally play on Sundays or Mondays as well. Sessions can be anywhere from 2 hours to 4 or 5 hours, depending on the amount of roleplay. I leave a lot of space in my game for in-character conversations, so if you are someone who gets bored easily / doesn’t care about the game if it doesn’t directly involve your character, this is not the game for you.
For this reason, I prefer running smaller groups, 3-4 being the sweet spot.
Mechanics - we’re playing 5e* and the asterisk represents all the stupid rules that make the game less fun that I ignore or change. I care more about the story and roleplaying than the mechanics, I very much default to the ‘rule of cool’ or letting the dice decide your fate. I am very much on your side and if it ever feels like I’m not, please let me know. The basics are I don’t make you track food/arrows/ etc. and if you forget or misunderstand something major I’ll remind you or clarify. I also don’t care too much about times for donning / doffing armor and using action economy to pull out a weapon - we’ve all woken up well past our alarm and still made it to work on time; you can get your armor on for that middle of the night combat.
In a similar manner, we’re playing Dragons of Shipwreck Isle* where the asterisk represents all the parts of the adventure that I’m gonna change and try to make more interesting. I would ask for y’all not to metagame and look up the adventure, but mostly because if you’re comparing the module to what I run, it’s not going to line up and it will probably end up frustrating you. I am also looking at other modules as well but instead of listing them all, in the question on the form where I ask if you’ve played this specific module before, please list all of the ones you’ve played instead of just saying yes or no. I don't like feeling like I need to trick my players into playing attention during the game, so I like players who pick up on these details.
Hard lines / veils in game - racism / sexism / homophobia / transphobia are NOT built into my fantasy worlds; we deal with that enough irl. I also don’t fuck with slavery, SA (this includes during combat, assault is assault even if they are a ‘bad guy’) or ERP. Anything sexual will be implied / fade to black, but I would prefer things not get too sexual. I don’t mind in character romance between PCs, but I would appreciate a heads up if you want an NPC romance for your character - and I will be checking in with everyone about your comfort level with this, if you want absolutely no flirting towards your character from any NPC please let me know that as well.
I will also stay away from harming kids / pets / elderly, and anything you would like to list as a hard line (something you don’t want showing up in the game at all) or veil (something that can be alluded to, just not graphically detailed). I will say there are heavy themes of undead present in the module at the beginning, and zombies / undead are a personal favorite monster of mine to use so PLEASE do not apply to this game if you don’t like fighting undead! My descriptions can get graphic at times when it comes to monsters & combat, but I will likely gross myself out before it becomes too gratuitous.
Triggers - even if you don’t think it will come up in game, triggers can unfortunately pop up with silly memes or jokes ooc. If there’s a certain image / idea that totally squicks you out and you don’t want them included ANYWHERE on the server, please let me know! Everyone’s comfort is a top priority to me, and keeping your triggers out of our safe space is really important to me.
Morality - I love moral ambiguity, but I genuinely don’t want any evil aligned characters. This is a collaborative game that requires everyone to work together to some extent; you don’t have to be instant best friends in character, but you will need you to communicate and check in ooc if tensions rise up in character. Play your character true to their actions, but make sure that their actions are fun and interesting for everyone involved, not just you.
I also always allow non-lethal combat options, such as knocking sentient creatures unconscious. I encourage trying to persuade / lie / bargain with those you have captured, but I will not condone outright torture. That said, there will be humanoid bad guys who won’t always be the most reasonable people, and may not collaborate.
Safety Tools - outside of open communication in discussing boundaries & triggers, I encourage the ‘X card’ method - whenever anyone gets uncomfortable and wants to immediately stop a scene, you can send a literal ‘X’ in either the main chat or to me privately and we will stop immediately. Ideally, we can get on the same page easily about comfort levels and everyone here will feel okay coming to me with any issues they have, but we are all human and things can pop up.
Expectations - The only thing I really ask out of y’all as my player is for open communication and I will always try my best to do the same. If something isn’t vibing with you or it makes you uncomfortable, even if it’s something little, please tell me. I expect you to be engaged with the story, and encourage you to keep some sort of notes / inventory / ‘to do list’ for the game. I also would really appreciate feedback - not just for how I run the game, but what you want to see in the game so I can put it in there. If someone’s character is interested in a specific realm of study in history / arcana / nature, I can build that into the lore. Same thing if you want to find a specific item or learn how to do a certain skill - let me know either in or out of character and I’ll try to make it happen!
Starting point - I am intentionally keeping this part loosey-goosey to accommodate players backstories & experiences! Mechanically, you will start at either level 1 or 2 with Point Buy for stats, and I am imagining getting to at least level 5, but it really depends. The loose idea I have right now is that y’all are traveling on a ship from Neverwinter to an island where you will likely be for several weeks in character, but I want to leave the overall ‘why’ up to the individual players and group. It will likely take about a dozen or so sessions, but I am happy to play for as long as my players want to keep doing things in character!
If you haven’t been put off by the amount of text, please click the link below to apply. If you thought this was too much and you skimmed the post to find this link, you’re probably going to get bored before you finish applying lol
best of luck!
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSefOJuSFuzromCph2g6eBmeMEoIEH1t2grCuIbLa6O_i-9CWw/viewform?usp=sf_link

Hello hello! Hope everyone is doing well! I am back here today on my search for a like minded partner, someone who's easy going, laid back and friendly. I want to create a beautiful and long term roleplay with you!
A little about me. I am a detailed and experienced roleplayer (8 years), meaning I can be crafty and descriptive. I also love to make new friends so let's talk OOC too (actually this is a requirement, please be friendly and conversable). Building a healthy chatty relationship will make it easier and nice for us to roleplay. We could get to know each other better, discuss roleplay more and drive it to our likings and more. Lastly, I like to play on Discord sooo.... Have it I guess?
I like to craft plots with my potential partner, including both of our interests to make it juicy! It also helps us to get to know how much compatible we are, our likes and interests, etc. I also like to send refrence pics for the character and outfits, it just brings more life to the roleplay!
Now, I am going to leave some tropes that interest me and you can message me from any you like!
Married Couples, Arranged Marriage, Childhood Friends, Enemies To Lovers, Friends to lovers, Co-workers, Roommates, Classmates, Love Triangle.
I am probably forgetting some, but feel free to hit me up with your choice!
My ideal slice of life roleplay would be to include nice, warm, wholesome and lovey - dovey moments into the play. I really want something pure in it, I want to be smiling while roleplaying about this. The idea of two characters being so into each other, looking out for each other in their tough times, that magical touch of love into the play (if you know what I mean). Like the perfect romance, the "these two are meant for each other. These two are goals!" factor is what I am looking for. Along with that some drama, angst, twists and turns to just make it into a Netflix worthy (is that too dramatic? If so, pardon me!)
That's all!
While messaging me -

• Please don't be 1-2 liner, like "Hi I am interested, Hi are you still looking". Ik you are interested and that's why you texted. Secondly, I am looking for partners as long as my post it up. I normally delete the post once I've found a partner.
  
• Stay away if you ghost literally without a cause. Seriously, it's really immature and cheap. I don't even want to get started about this. I get reached with really nice responses and then end up getting ghosted, I simply don't get why put such efforts discussing and typing such nice responses, if the true purpose is to ghost? So if there are any problems, let's talk it out like adults, I don't bite.
  
• I will literally ignore and block one liner commenters who ask me to dm them.
  
• I only rp with people around my age (18-25), so please be around that age. Don't be under 18 (and please don't lie about your age, I've faced such people).
  
• Won't respond to new accs either, too shady.
  

Lastly, bring a prompt if you have one! I'd love to hear out :). I promise if I like it, I'll contribute my bits and pieces, or as I mentioned, the story creation is on the table!
So then! Message me with more than a "Hi I am interested, are you still looking" and let's proceed further!

Should I give up and move on? I don’t really know why I’m even asking the question because deep down I know the answer. At the end of last year I (23 M) was dating this girl (20 F). She studies in a different city so we didn’t see each other that much but we connected very well, and very soon I was starting to fall hard for her. After a few parties together we were spending the weekend together. This went very well and for the first time in my life I was in love. I have to tell you also that I have never been in a relationship before and I was a virgin. She knew this but didn’t make a big deal out of it which I loved. This weekend was a week before Christmas. We verbally agreed that we would see each other on new years evening.
When the day finally arrived I hadn’t heard from her so I texted her saying where we could meet that night. She responded with this long text saying that I’m a fun and sweet guy but that she would rather be alone than to date with someone. I was completely shocked and my world was shattered. I stared at my phone for a half hour. I did’t text anything back feeling a little bit angry, why would she sent this to me on new years eve? So that night, I got really really drunk. I was drinking away my sorrow. I went to a club and got home with some random girl and we had sex. Need I remind you again that it was my first time. When I woke up I felt sooo bad. I only wanted to be with the girl I was in love with and now I’m laying here with someone random. I made up an excuse on why she had to leave and texted the girl I’m in love with that I appreciated her honesty but that I didn’t understand why. She texted me later that evening that she didn’t really know what she was doing and that she wanted to meet again. I was happy but in the back of my mind I was thinking about what I did on new years eve.
So we went on dates again but I couldn’t get it over me to tell what happened because I just got her back and was too afraid to loose her again. You also have to know that I had 6 exams in this period so I had to study hard. On the 5th of january she spent the night at my place and we also had sex. After this I felt extremely guilty. I made a vow to myself that after the exams I should tell her. Because I really loved her and any chance I had of a real relationship with her should be based on honesty. So after my last exam on february the 5th I went to her place and I told her. She was really angry and told me it was for the best to go away.
In the days that followed I gave her space and didn’t text her. After a while I texted her but she said she wishes me the best but wants to move on and that she doesn’t want to see me anymore. After that there has been no contact. I saw her twice since then on parties. When I saw her she was nice and the connection was still there but she refuses to sit and talk with me. Last time I saw her was a month ago where we talked for a bit. She was acting really weird. Like super nice one moment and then the other moment really angry. Then she was ignoring me the whole time and when I got to her to tell her that I’m leaving she is back to being sweet and asking me to stay. What bugs her the most is that in her eyes I faked my virginity.
It now has been almost 4 months (longer than we were together) but there hasn’t been a day were I haven’t thought about her. I can’t seem to let her go. I am still hoping that everything will be alright but I know it won’t. I just love her so much and regret everything that has happened. I just don’t see myself ever dating anyone else but her. I know that if she was still interested she would just text me but every time I see her it just feels like there is something still there. When I see her friends they tell me that they don’t understand why she won’t take me back. That has to count for something right?
In august she is going to study abroad for the semester. So I know the timing is all wrong but I feel like I have to try one last time. I know I am going to see her 1 last time on this festival we bought tickets for together while we were still dating. A week before the festival it’s her birthday. I am thinking now maybe I should sent her flowers on her birthday with a cute text but I’m not really sure.
Am I just being delusional? I really don’t know what to do…. Sorry for the big text, for anyone that gets to the end thank you very much

My husband and I have been together for four years. We have four children between the two of us and they are all special needs. It’s tough. We both work and even though it’s tight, we are doing alright. We could definitely be making more, but for the most part we are doing the best with what we have.
When I met him, he did drink a fair bit. He’s a beer drinker. But over the last year or so, it seems like it has ramped up to an extreme. At one point he was drinking 15 or more beers a night.
A few months back I sat him down and told him that we needed to work together to get a handle on it. At first he laughed it off and told me he didn’t have a problem. When I started sobbing he stopped and really listened. He admitted that he had been drinking between 3-6 THIRTY PACKS a week for a while. So, he promised to work on it.
And for a while he did. He was drinking maybe 2 or 4 beers a night and sometimes none at all.
About two weeks ago we got into a heated argument about something completely unrelated and the drinking came up again. He told me, “I love you and our kids and our life together, but I don’t give a damn about living. I’m just waiting to go, and I’m biding my time.” I obviously got super upset about that and he went on, “it’s not like I have a gun in my mouth or anything. I’m not trying to die, I just don’t care about it either way.”
I called him a selfish monster and told him that by not caring about any of this he was making sure that I will get to be a widow taking care of the needs of four special needs humans alone for the rest of my life. I told him he fails to realize that his mentality wounds the entire family. I was distraught. I asked him why he even brought me into his life, like a captive to bide his time, if he didn’t care about being here long enough for it to matter.
The next day he broke down and told me he was sorry and he knew it was screwed up and that he wants to do whatever he can to fix it. The last two weeks have been REALLY good. Lots of talking, love, and it felt “normal” again.
And this morning, while getting my coffee around I realized he has already drank 15 out of the 30 pack he bought on Friday.
I feel like he is love bombing me (he literally texted me a sweet message as I’ve been writing this) so I’m blinded to his drinking ramping up again. I’m so incredibly sad.
I love this man to such an extreme. He is a hard worker. He’s a damned good dad. He’s funny and he’s kind and he loves hard. He makes me feel safe and I know he loves me and the kids.
But — he doesn’t believe in therapy. He has some pretty legit PTSD from childhood and he learned some insane argument techniques from his first marriage.
I know the thing he needs most is probably a good amount of therapy and rehab. I cannot force him to do either of those things. How do I talk to him in a way that makes him want to do the right thing here?

I (m, 22) met this girl (f, 20) through university about 1,5 years ago. At first we hadn't much contact but she joined my study group last summer through a common friend.
After a couple study sessions both of us noticed that studying in the large group got more difficult and we were running in circles trying to keep every member on the same knowledge level. So when it was just the two of us at one time, we discussed these problems and both agreed to start studying more together, without the others of our group. As it was just the two of us now, we started talking more about personal stuff during our study sessions. Both of us got along brilliantly from the start. We had common interests and were interested in knowing each other better. Study sessions were a great mix of efficient learning and personal talk to avoid getting bored. At this point I liked her but wasn't yet interested romantically.
She was going through a rough patch with her relationship at the time and would often consider breaking up during our talks. As she always described the relationship as quite toxic, I encouraged her to consider the pros and cons and end the relationship if she wasn't happy with it. After some consideration she ended the relationship shortly after which made her feel quite down for a while. She also wasn't eating properly so I gave some advice about what to eat and how to get her mind of the breakup. At this point our contact outside of study sessions got more regular and she would often share more personal details about guys that hit on or were harassing her.
Exams were getting closer so we were talking, studying and texting daily. At the the time the condition of their I'll grandma got worse and it was apparent that she would die soon, which happened in between two exams. During this time I was supporting her emotionally and also taught her the things she would need to pass our exams. She also invited me to go to a party with her, which I sadly couldn't attend because of family matters. We also got into quite personal topics like family planning and kid raising etc on which we had similar opinions.
As I've developed quite a crush on her over the last weeks I hoped that she might feel the same. I'd like to add that in generally develop crushes on good friends, as I ultimately want a romantic partner and best friend in my gf. As exams were over there was less reason to talk and our personal contact faded over time, but I tried to keep in touch (probably more than her). Whenever we didn't text I was feeling low, which I knew was a problem. When meeting her I would notice her interest for other guys more often, and she started (at least in my impression) avoiding seeing me when it was just the two of us. Unfortunately I had fallen quite hard and couldn't keep my mind off her.
At this point I knew that she probably wasn't interested in me, and after meeting up with some common friends she asked if everything was alright as I seemed off. I wanted to be honest and suggested I'd tell her during a walk (which wouldn't happen until the start of the next semester a couple weeks later). After some small talk I confessed my feelings but she didn't feel the same and also started seeing another guy regularly. But she said that she really wanted to stay friends as we clicked, just not on a romantic level. She also told me how she noticed, I probably wanted more out of our friendship but was scared to ask me about this. As she was my friend before developing a crush I agreed and we left on (considering the circumstances) great terms.
We kept studying together and still had good talks, although she would avoid topics like her bf. I appreciated how she wouldn't make me feel awkward and we could continue being friends. I still had a hard crush but thought things would get better over time. During a time in which I was feeling very down, I told her I needed some space which she understood. After a good week I was feeling better and asked if we should continue studying. Some miscommunication and also false interpretation of texts later, we had a fight and didn't talk or greet at university. But two weeks later she texted how she felt miserable if we couldn't talk or be friends at university. (Our university classes are very small (20-30 students), so we couldn't really get out of our way). I told her that I still wasn't over her but probably get over her in given time. She was happy that I also wanted to stay friends and we continued being friends and also studying.
Now that exams are nearly over, I fear that we won't have much contact over the next 3 months and I already feel anxious because we probably won't have much reason to talk or text. I also don't want to be pushy and always force conversation, but know that I will be unhappy if we don't.
Im questioning if I'm being used by her, so that she could pass her exams. I nowadays teach her a lot more and answer more questions than the other way around and probably are too available if she needs help. On the other hand we still have good talks and joke a lot about peers/ professors/.... Although I still miss the times when she didn't have a boyfriend and would text me with random details about her day and I'm still not at all over my crush.
What makes me even sadder is, that she would say she always chooses toxic relationships with dishonest partners and would like to have a good guy for once (which I would consider myself to be). She also complemented some qualities of mine which her boyfriend was missing.
So I'm stuck with a friend which I have a crush on, but can't get over. As well as a fear for losing contact with her, and the fear of being pushy when trying to stay in touch. If you made it until this point, I thank you your your patience. Please let me know if you have any advice on how to get over her. English isn't my first language, so excuse repetitive wording or grammar mistakes.
I tried dating apps to keep my mind of her but didn't have any luck there.
Edit: She also told me how she never loved any of her bfs and never had a real crush on someone. So that's some questionable stuff to consider.

i have a girlfriend, we got together last year and this march was our 1st year being together. we were in high school then, now i moved to another country. we're doing ldr.idk when im going to see her again, we used to be so close, she was my first love and i was the first for her. we used to talk a lot, i've never been close to someone like this, including my parents. when i was a kid i used to be alone, no one would talk to me, when i found her i felt something that i never did. i prayed for her to never leave when she left. when her parents found out they told me to leave, now she talks to me without her parents knowing about it. recently her texts are getting dry, i have to ask for everything. she doesnt talk all day, when she goes to sleep she just sends a picture of her, says i love you with some emojis and sleeps. its just that she doesnt talk to me all day, i just cant be the same person i used to be before that, i have attachment issues, and i feel like she doesnt understand that, ive tried explaining but she apologizes every time and never changes it. whenever she goes offline she doesnt say anything and comes back after an hour or two. i have literal breakdowns in that hour, i keep crying i cant control it, i have parents but i dont show it to them. i say that im using the restroom but all i do is cry, and when she comes back its already night for her and its the same thing again, it happens all day and i cant keep doing this. she cries when i ask her to leave me. i cant keep doing this, i dont want to make her cry, i love her. i cant sleep or do anything in peace. i have so much ahead of me, i have good grades, i go to a good college, i have loving parents, but i cant do this relationship thing im so clingy i cant even have my food, its like i ran away from a hospital where they treat patients with mental disorder. i hate being like this all day. i tried everything to not think about anything, but its been a week since i said that and i still cry everyday. i felt like if i had it off my chest it would be somehow better. idk if ill make it to next morning, but i hate doing this everyday.

I've been dating him for two months and we moved fairly quick. We would call for five to eight hours a day and within the two week mark he said he loved me even though we were still getting to know each other. I was hesitant at first because he said it very fast. But I eventually succumbed to it because I loved him back. We are long-distance keep in mind, so I never met him. He kept his life very private. Prior to this I had one other relationship but that was when I was in middle school. I told my mom, grandma, cousins, and a few aunts about this guy; which I never before done. He meant very much to me because we had a connection like no other. He understood me and always was willing to give me attention. We were very sweet to each other and had similar interests/interests we were willing to learn for each other. We had cultural differences since he lived in another country but I was willing to learn the language and watch a few movies for him because I thought it would make us closer. Two days before we broke up he said that he was feeling off and wouldn't text me and refused to call. When I confronted him and asked him "do you even love me anymore or you found someone else", he finally admitted that he had private things going on and there was nothing wrong with me but with him. He then told me I needed to move on with our lives. I've been texting him several times to no avail. He still has my intial and we still have our couple things together. I don't understand, he even said he still has feelings for me. There wasn't another girl, I don't think he was bored of me. I just need comfort and closure from him but I'm not getting it no matter how hard I try. I'm pretty sure this was his first relationship too.

So about a month back my girlfriend wrote me a poem, it’s was brilliant and since it was about me it felt even more special. Last Tuesday she turned it into a song and sent it me, and said make sure nobody is around when you play it. I assumed since it was about me and because she said make sure “nobody is around when you play it” she only sent it me. Yesterday I found out she sent it to my best friend too. When I asked her about it she messaged my friend asking “did you tell X about the song I sent you” he replied “yes! I thought he knew” and her reply was “he knew but not that I told you” This made me overthink since I wasn’t sure why she’d keep it a secret.
Normally this wouldn’t make me go and ask a bunch of strangers on the internet for advice, but because the background of how we got together is a little complicated and it really played on my mind.
My best friend (who the song was sent too) also liked my girlfriend and took it quite hard when he knew we got together, but eventually got over it and during a trip to Australia we were talking about it and he was telling me how they had “dry humped and did other things with each other on a trip to queenstown” I am almost certain this never happened since we were in a hostel and there were 4 of us in the room, but he mentioned it more than once, And it keeps playing on my mind which I think was his goal. So when I see they’re quite close texting each other I get insecure.
I trust her 100% and I really do love her but I hate how close she is with my friend. And despite her knowing she upset me, she still hasn’t apologised.
How do you overcome insecurity?

TW ⚠️ (paranormal) please stop reading now if you are easily upset or afraid of these things.
I’m going to be going over a lot of stuff so I do hope you stick around till the end…
World War III is happening however, It’s mostly taking place in the psychic/spiritual realm.
In Eckhart Tolles book, “The Power of Now” and “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrnes, they essentially state that our thoughts aren’t our own. My intention for this post is to tell you and warn you about the ways in which the mind can be tampered with and manipulated. If I asked you to calm your thoughts for a second and predict what thought you would have next….most if not all of us will not be able to come up with anything. Our minds can easily be manipulated especially now more than ever because of the instability that is occurring in the world. You might not think that it is impacting you or that nothing like that could happen to you but it will…trust. Whatever happens in one area will spread to another area kinda like COVID except what I’m talking about here in particular are spirits. Metaphorically, Pandora’s box has been opened and there’s no way around it except to face what will be happening next. My mom keeps asking me why I’m so concerned with the state of the world that I should just focus on myself and focus on what I want but my mind is NOT wired that way. I am not trying to fear monger but there is a great spiritual war that is about to play out on the world wide stage. The Vatican is announcing on the 17th the ways in which we can deal with these possible spiritual encounters but I’ve been dealing with these types of things for years now so I picked up a few things on how to thwart away some of their negative influences. Which I will be getting into later. As I mentioned before there’s four dimensions to my “gifts”.
1.channeled thoughts 2.Feelings/sensations 3.Dreams 4.visions
I didn’t have access to all four until recently I’d say probably somewhere around 10-11 months ago. I only had access to 2 & 3. However when your mind & body is put through a lot of stress certain “junk” DNA gets unlocked. What I’m talking about right now is epigenetics. We all have generational curses but we also have generational gifts. These gifts can be unlocked when we are put in situations that push us past our mental and emotional boundaries. Nevertheless, close friends and family around me know that not only have I been receiving certain messages (aka downloads as many spiritual people call it) regarding myself, the people in my life but also the world. Some of the downloads that come in can be very dark in nature but they aren’t necessarily my own. For example, I am not a suicidal person but I kept getting these visions of getting shot in the head and It didn’t show me who it was. There are many instances that I’ve had odd visions like that. Sometimes I would see sexual visions about people I’m not even sexually attracted to so these things would confuse the fuck out of me. And made me feel like damn I didn’t know my mind is so dirty but the truth is I don’t have a dirty mind but these visions would still come to me in that way as if trying to tell me something about those certain hypocrites oopse I mean people. Mainstream doctors have no answers for me. They love to slap a diagnosis on me and fill me up with drugs and “medication” that treat the symptom of the problem but not the problem itself. I shouldn’t have to say this but yes I take my meds every time I am given them. However, these medications fundamentally are ineffective FOR ME. Because I am not sick and I have been trying to deal with my abilities and “powers”. no one around me really has them (they do actually just not as developed as mine are unfortunately). My friends and family are doing everything in the power to understand me and what Im going through and be there for me but unfortunately they cannot even though they think they do/can. I wish I could place each and every one of you into my mind and memories so that you can see exactly what I’m experiencing.
I must seek out the help of a spiritual mentor kinda like the bald lady from Dr. Strange but that would probably require me to travel to some sort of Asian country to get the real deal…unless anyone can tell me someone in the USA I could talk to???
According the the Vatican these sort of visions might start to happen to people who have never had visions like these before. The vibration of the planet is rising and unfortunately this means that we’re going to start becoming sensitive to the spiritual realms. and if it does start happening to you or someone you know please follow the directions below.
Keep in mind that there’s a VERY thin line between spiritual awakening and psychosis. It’s like walking a tight rope. It’s not good to veer too far to one side or the other (tangible vs. Intangible worlds)
You’ll need sage or palo santo, epsome salt and this last part is optional but you can buy one or two crystal bracelets with properties that resonate with you. Which arm you wear them on is important aswell. Left arm is masculine energy and right is feminine. Wearing the bracelet on one arm or the other makes a difference. I’d be here typing forever if I explained everything but a quick google search should do.
Directions for cleansing & protecting your home:
First make sure all the windows are closed and light the palo Santo or sage and walk all through out your home until the smoke saturates the area afterwards I’d say wait like 10 mins then open all the windows of your house. This will cause any negative energies or spirits to leave your home.
Second cleanse all protection talismans in the house with sage, evil eye beads, crystal bracelets, hamsa hand decorations, etc.
Third prayer is so powerful & underrated please make sure you recite a prayer from whatever religion you believe in, you can even airplay the prayer onto the TV of your home for the same effect. For those of you that aren’t religious I would recommend playing some solfeggio frequencies.
Directions for cleansing & protecting yourself and loved ones:
First use sage or palo santo to trace the shape of your body, put your arms and hands underneath the smoke and in your minds eye imagine that the smoke is penetrating the darkness deep within you (darkness exists within us all no matter how religious or pure you claim yourself to be).
Two take a pure Epsom salt bath, submerge yourself completely and wait like 15-20 mins while rubbing the salt into your skin till it dissolves.
Three drink water with intentions in it such as holy water or zam zam water. It also helps to carry a paper or a book with you with prayers and religious texts on it.
Four Wear a veil or bandana over your head to cover the crown chakra, a simple hoodie also works
Five Walk around in a grassy area barefoot for about 15-20 minutes so that your body absorbs negative ions. Or alternatively visit the beach and walk around there.
Please feel free to add your own suggestions or ask me any questions or not

TW ⚠️ (paranormal) please stop reading now if you are easily upset or afraid of these things.
I’m going to be going over a lot of stuff so I do hope you stick around till the end…
World War III is happening however, It’s mostly taking place in the psychic/spiritual realm.
In Eckhart Tolles book, “The Power of Now” and “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrnes, they essentially state that our thoughts aren’t our own. My intention for this post is to tell you and warn you about the ways in which the mind can be tampered with and manipulated. If I asked you to calm your thoughts for a second and predict what thought you would have next….most if not all of us will not be able to come up with anything. Our minds can easily be manipulated especially now more than ever because of the instability that is occurring in the world. You might not think that it is impacting you or that nothing like that could happen to you but it will…trust. Whatever happens in one area will spread to another area kinda like COVID except what I’m talking about here in particular are spirits. Metaphorically, Pandora’s box has been opened and there’s no way around it except to face what will be happening next. My mom keeps asking me why I’m so concerned with the state of the world that I should just focus on myself and focus on what I want but my mind is NOT wired that way. I am not trying to fear monger but there is a great spiritual war that is about to play out on the world wide stage. The Vatican is announcing on the 17th the ways in which we can deal with these possible spiritual encounters but I’ve been dealing with these types of things for years now so I picked up a few things on how to thwart away some of their negative influences. Which I will be getting into later. As I mentioned before there’s four dimensions to my “gifts”.
1.channeled thoughts 2.Feelings/sensations 3.Dreams 4.visions
I didn’t have access to all four until recently I’d say probably somewhere around 10-11 months ago. I only had access to 2 & 3. However when your mind & body is put through a lot of stress certain “junk” DNA gets unlocked. What I’m talking about right now is epigenetics. We all have generational curses but we also have generational gifts. These gifts can be unlocked when we are put in situations that push us past our mental and emotional boundaries. Nevertheless, close friends and family around me know that not only have I been receiving certain messages (aka downloads as many spiritual people call it) regarding myself, the people in my life but also the world. Some of the downloads that come in can be very dark in nature but they aren’t necessarily my own. For example, I am not a suicidal person but I kept getting these visions of getting shot in the head and It didn’t show me who it was. There are many instances that I’ve had odd visions like that. Sometimes I would see sexual visions about people I’m not even sexually attracted to so these things would confuse the fuck out of me. And made me feel like damn I didn’t know my mind is so dirty but the truth is I don’t have a dirty mind but these visions would still come to me in that way as if trying to tell me something about those certain hypocrites oopse I mean people. Mainstream doctors have no answers for me. They love to slap a diagnosis on me and fill me up with drugs and “medication” that treat the symptom of the problem but not the problem itself. I shouldn’t have to say this but yes I take my meds every time I am given them. However, these medications fundamentally are ineffective FOR ME. Because I am not sick and I have been trying to deal with my abilities and “powers”. no one around me really has them (they do actually just not as developed as mine are unfortunately). My friends and family are doing everything in the power to understand me and what Im going through and be there for me but unfortunately they cannot even though they think they do/can. I wish I could place each and every one of you into my mind and memories so that you can see exactly what I’m experiencing.
I must seek out the help of a spiritual mentor kinda like the bald lady from Dr. Strange but that would probably require me to travel to some sort of Asian country to get the real deal…unless anyone can tell me someone in the USA I could talk to???
According the the Vatican these sort of visions might start to happen to people who have never had visions like these before. The vibration of the planet is rising and unfortunately this means that we’re going to start becoming sensitive to the spiritual realms. and if it does start happening to you or someone you know please follow the directions below.
Keep in mind that there’s a VERY thin line between spiritual awakening and psychosis. It’s like walking a tight rope. It’s not good to veer too far to one side or the other (tangible vs. Intangible worlds)
You’ll need sage or palo santo, epsome salt and this last part is optional but you can buy one or two crystal bracelets with properties that resonate with you. Which arm you wear them on is important aswell. Left arm is masculine energy and right is feminine. Wearing the bracelet on one arm or the other makes a difference. I’d be here typing forever if I explained everything but a quick google search should do.
Directions for cleansing & protecting your home:
First make sure all the windows are closed and light the palo Santo or sage and walk all through out your home until the smoke saturates the area afterwards I’d say wait like 10 mins then open all the windows of your house. This will cause any negative energies or spirits to leave your home.
Second cleanse all protection talismans in the house with sage, evil eye beads, crystal bracelets, hamsa hand decorations, etc.
Third prayer is so powerful & underrated please make sure you recite a prayer from whatever religion you believe in, you can even airplay the prayer onto the TV of your home for the same effect. For those of you that aren’t religious I would recommend playing some solfeggio frequencies.
Directions for cleansing & protecting yourself and loved ones:
First use sage or palo santo to trace the shape of your body, put your arms and hands underneath the smoke and in your minds eye imagine that the smoke is penetrating the darkness deep within you (darkness exists within us all no matter how religious or pure you claim yourself to be).
Two take a pure Epsom salt bath, submerge yourself completely and wait like 15-20 mins while rubbing the salt into your skin till it dissolves.
Three drink water with intentions in it such as holy water or zam zam water. It also helps to carry a paper or a book with you with prayers and religious texts on it.
Four Wear a veil or bandana over your head to cover the crown chakra, a simple hoodie also works
Five Walk around in a grassy area barefoot for about 15-20 minutes so that your body absorbs negative ions. Or alternatively visit the beach and walk around there.
Please feel free to add your own suggestions or ask me any questions or not

Ever since ive gotten into wearing colognes ive noticed that I love Tobacco & Oud Wood fragrances the most, however I can easily say that Tom Ford Tobacco Vanille is my signature fragrance as I wear it the most. It just smells so perfect and I can wear it any day of the year.
What would you consider your signature fragrance and why?

I’ve had signature by Shawn Mendes for a while now. I know it’s a bit cheesy to use artist fragrances but I love it and had stocked up on it before it got discontinued.
Does anyone know a good dupe for it? Or maybe another perfume with a similar feel.
Thanks in advance

1. Parallelismus Membrorum:

- *Definition:* A rhetorical device where phrases or sentences are structured in parallel form. - *Example:* Create a poem using parallelismus membrorum to emphasize a profound truth or observation. 

1. Rubaiyat:

- *Definition:* A form of Persian poetry with quatrains and a specific rhyme scheme. - *Example:* Write a rubaiyat exploring the themes of love, mortality, or philosophical reflections. 

1. Blues Poem:

- *Definition:* Poetry inspired by the musical and emotional elements of blues music. - *Example:* Craft a blues poem expressing the struggles and resilience of everyday life. 

1. Erasure Poetry:

- *Definition:* Creating poetry by erasing or blacking out existing text, leaving only selected words visible. - *Example:* Create an erasure poem using a page from a newspaper or a novel, transforming it into a new narrative. 

1. Anaphora:

- *Definition:* A rhetorical device involving the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses. - *Example:* Write a poem using anaphora to convey a sense of urgency or reflection. 

1. Tetractys:

- *Definition:* A five-line poem with a specific syllable count (1, 2, 3, 4, 10). - *Example:* Craft a tetractys exploring the stages of personal growth or a transformative experience. 

1. Sijo:

- *Definition:* A traditional Korean poetic form with three lines, each with fourteen to sixteen syllables. - *Example:* Write a sijo capturing a moment of beauty or introspection. 

1. Blitz Poem:

- *Definition:* A form of poetry with a rapid, stream-of-consciousness style and repetition. - *Example:* Create a blitz poem exploring the chaos and beauty of urban life. 

1. Epitaph:

- *Definition:* A short inscription on a tombstone or a commemorative poem for the deceased. - *Example:* Write an epitaph honoring a fictional or historical figure with a poignant message. 

1. Prothalamion:

- *Definition:* A poem celebrating a forthcoming marriage or wedding. - *Example:* Craft a prothalamion capturing the anticipation and joy surrounding a wedding day. 

First time poster on mobile so i apologize for formatting. For 6 months ive been getting increasingly close to my friend. She recently moved from another state to try and live on her own and we stsrted talking more and more frequently as time went on. I'd always had a crush on her and eventuslly we started flirting which evolved to the point where we were as intimate as 2 people on different sides of a state can be. We talked all the time. During this we both let each other know how we felt and sent photos back and forth. I've always been a heavier set guy and did my best to make sure that wouldnt be an issue. Eventually things fell through with her living situation. A mix of issues including the lack of a real support structure other than me. Before she moved we wanted to meet in person so I planned a trip to go see her.
Long story short, things went poorly. The entire time she was on the verge of tears from a mixture of stress and me being there. Or atleast thats how I felt. She said even though she wants to be with me, she wasnt attracted to me because of my weight. We talked and cried and after the trip was done I made changes to my lifestyle in attempts to lose weight. Ive begun dieting and cut out lots of sugars and things from my daily intake. Ive begun walking as often as i can and drink almost exclusively water. As time has gone on she has become increasingly distant after moving away and i cant help but feel like even though im putting in effort that im losing her. If im honest with myself I really do love her but im not sure if shes actuslly willing to wait or if for her things are already over and she just doesnt want to hurt me. We've gone from talking multiple times a day for hours to barely even texting and it honestly hurts but i cant even blame her.
I suppose the question im asking is whether or not you think this is all a sign of her having lost interest entirely or if you think its something else?

Hello. Starting this off by saying I'm underaged, and I've been drinking to cope lately.
I have a weird relationship with alcohol. It has damaged some of my relationships with people (ex. drunk texting the girl I love when she begged me not to drink) but it has mended some of them (ex. drunk texting all my friends about how much I love and appreciate them, impulsively apologizing for things).
Last night I felt so shitty I downed an entire bottle of soju in 2 minutes on an empty stomach.
It's the best I've felt all week. My problems felt like they didn't matter as much. I drunk texted the girl I liked again (and presumably disappointed her) but I also drunk texted a good friend about how much I appreciate her and she sent me back a long speech about how she appreciated me as well. I was dancing and singing, laughing and crying, man it was great.
Fast forward to today, had a bad hangover so I just rotted in bed all day listening to music and regretting things. But I also couldn't stop thinking about when I can get my next drink. It isn't the best for your body though, so I only try to drink a few times per week. Sometimes once or sometimes none.
My question is, if alcohol makes you feel so great, how do you not crave getting drunk at least weekly or bi-weekly, which shouldn't be so bad on your body?
It baffles me how some people manage to drink only in social situations or during special occasions.