She likes my boyfriend

been lurking on this sub for a while but finally decided to make a post because i’ve been going through a rough patch. this is gonna be long so bear with me please.
i’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and he’s been near perfect during the relationship. i think i differ from people in this sub in that i have had casual sex / sex outside of relationships before, and my past is equally as bad (if not worse) than my boyfriend’s. we actually started off as fuck buddies since we go to uni in different places but are occasionally able to see each other for breaks when i come home. for the first few months of hooking up, i didn’t care about his past whatsoever — he and i both pursued others during this phase and we were very much on the same page about this.
fast forward to the new year, and we both caught feelings and ended up in a very committed relationship. since we started dating, he’s been 100% loyal and i never have to question his fidelity or feelings toward me. i know that he loves me, and that he loves me more than any other girl he’s been with, yet i literally cannot stop thinking about the last girl he hooked up with. i know it sounds hypocritical because i did the same but i simply cannot rationally explain my thought process. it doesn’t make sense to myself and it’s driving me insane how much i fixate on this one girl that didn’t mean anything to him emotionally. i couldn’t care less about his long term relationship 3 years prior, but for some reason, this one girl bothers me so much. he’s had other casual sexual partners too, but it’s just this one.
whenever i close my eyes, all i can picture is them having sex, him enjoying it, him lusting after her, and it makes me feel so sick. i KNOW that the sex is better with me, i know he would never ever even think to pick her over me. he’s stated that he purely hooked up with her for physical pleasure and hated having to make conversation with her before they initiated anything, but somehow that just makes me feel worse, knowing that he continued to have sex with her in spite of her horrible personality because it was just that good. she also has an extremely curvy figure, and i’m very much what people would call “flat” — not that i would want to look like her or have her body, but it bothers me so much that he finds her attractive when she has so many conventionally attractive features that i don’t have.
all in all, i kind of wish someone could explain why the casual partner bothers me the most, when he clearly liked her the least. for most people on this sub, it’s because of negative perceptions regarding casual sex, but i’ve had casual sex multiple times before so i don’t think that’s the case (unless i’ve changed). i also would appreciate some tips on how to recover (besides therapy, which i’ve already committed to starting) and words of support and comfort that i can read when i start to spiral. also, my boyfriend wants to help me overcome this so if anyone has tips for a partner please share them :)

Setting: Philippines 🇵🇭
So a while back at 2022 I met this girl who was unexpectedly lives close to ours and I knew her family well. She was 19 at the time and I 16. I like her because she has interesting ideas and is fun to talk to. Soon after I like like her and we became best friends. I noticed her red flags but I chose to stand by her because I hadn't had a girlfriend my entire life ,and as dumb as I am, I chose her out of impulse for my feelings to be satisfied of the curiosity.
When we became together it was so fucked up. I don't wanna talk about it in much detail but it we've met only 2 months.
Skipping to the Important bits. It turns out she was tied to numerous guys, especially foreigners. She was sending pictures(nudes), has been with some of them, and even has a boyfriend who she lived with for a few years, he was aged 47/48 at that time and she was I think 17/18 when they started dating. They've already did the deed , because with her previous boyfriend he also has done it as well. How'd I know? She told me and I then knew.
This particular foreigner, let's call him Jim has been together with let's say Jane for about 5 years now. She receives money from him because they're in a relationship and he offered to take care of her financially. Unbeknownst to him, she has cheated countless times just for shits and giggles, she call herself a "player" instead of a whore to cover her sluttiness. She playes psychology games very well and is also very suicidal so she can manipulate people at her own will as I have observed with her friends as well. They saw each other recently as he travels a lot because she has dispensable money,
Fast forward, I found out all of this because I borrowed her phone due to my phone breaking, so she trusted me to not look at her messages and I didn't, for atleast a day or two. I got so curious and there I found out all of this. I brought this issue to her a month later and she says that she will be breaking up with him soon as soon as she gets her inheritance/ the right time comes. She can't just let go of him yet because he Is her source of income.
Part 2 Continued later on...

I’m honestly out of ideas to do to better my situation. My mom hasn’t worked since 2016 and she’s gone broke, racked up credit card bills etc. I’m 23 and ready to start my life. The problem is I have to pay most of the bills sharing a 1 bedroom apartment and it’s still not enough. ($1200 plus my bills) I’ve been sleeping on a couch for over 2 years. I’m trying to go to school but it’s hard when I work full time in management, without a car and the school in the medical field I’m trying to specialize in is 30 minutes away. (I doubt she could get me to class on time.) I don’t have a car because it would put me into debt and she won’t let me drive hers. I hate being home because shes bitter about her poor decisions and she doesn’t take proper care of herself. (She has bad back pain, depression and anxiety) she’s on pills but she either stops them or it’s not helping. She doesn’t work and complains when I don’t do “enough” housework. I work full time and try to stay healthy so when I get home I’m often so tired I don’t do it. I’ve tried talking to her about how I feel but because of some mistakes I made years ago, she holds resentment towards me and anytime I try to say how I feel, she says I’m being “disrespectful” or “talking back” or she compares me to how my friends are or how she was with her parents. I’m constantly in a state of failure because she makes me feel that way. I don’t drink anymore, don’t smoke, don’t go out clubbing I just go to the gym and spend time with my boyfriend a few days a week. Even she complains about that. I’m getting to where I’m purposely staying out late or working late because I’m living in an environment that I feel disrespected, uncomfortable and taken for granted. I feel like she blames me for her poor decisions in life and it’s eating me alive. It’s so hard not to turn to substances to numb the pain/emotions I’ve held in for years. The lease is up for our apartment at the end of next year. I’m ready and praying that I can get the hell out. I feel like she’s dragging me down and idk how to get away without feeling guilty about her lack of life choices. Advice?

Personally, I don't see it happening for multiple reasons. Firstly, she'd need a man to knock her up. I can't even picture her going through a pregnancy, let alone caring for a newborn. Her and the baby would live with her at her parents' house, obviously. They would definitely help her raise her baby if it were to happen. But I don't see her family letting her get pregnant by a man she isn't committed to, which brings me to my next thought— what type of man would commit to her? It wouldn't be the type of man she wants by her high standards.
She also said in her live yesterday that she hasn't "found a boyfriend yet" but that she was "still looking," so she clearly isn't happy being single like she claims to be.

Once, the girl I love (she has moved on) was in a horrible time in her life, where she was actually thinking about suicide for some time... One day, after receiving an email saying that she had not overcome the test to enter the film academy she hoped to attend, she was desperate and saw no way out of that terrible situation. I made the biggest mistake in cases like these: I started looking for pragmatic solutions to her problem when the only thing I should have done was take the first available flight and go to Spain to see her (we had been in a long-distance relationship for almost 2 years). I too was in a difficult moment, having just moved to another city, alone, dissatisfied with my life and my choices... I was the only person with whom she felt she could open up and someone with whom she could share her weight... but I gave in, and to yet another negative response to my proposals I replied with this message: "so what do you want to do? just kill yourself?!" we argued and argued for a long time that day. needless to say that a couple of months later, after many discussions and almost total distancing on her part, we break up. she asked me to leave her. Now she's fine, she has new friends, a new boyfriend,I can't find out more, but I know she's fine, and I hope with all of myself that she's happy. I can only imagine what it felt like reading that message, that the person you need most, on whom you rely, one of the few things that gives away a glimmer of hope to stay alive: he disappoints you by breaking and praising you by giving that sentence, how much pain could she have tried? how can someone say they love another person and write that message, on such a difficult and disappointing day... how could they then even just want to hear the name of the boy who disappointed and hurt her so deeply and seriously? it happened two years ago now, since then I have never had a restful night's sleep, a day in which I didn't think about what I had done, a time in which I didn't feel like gagging when I looked at myself in the mirror. I'm sick, I've been sick for two years and my life goes on by inertia, and now it's too late to talk about it to my friends, rightly bother to hear me talk about my ex... and then, knowing this about me, what would they think? ? I disappointed and failed the woman to whom I had promised eternal protection and care, to whom I had assured support and security, I can't stand it anymore but I can't do anything other than continue to live with that moment, that message, stuck in the my eyes, feeling it burn like a brand on my back. I tried to contact her again but she made it clear that she didn't want to have anything to do with me, I don't blame her, but I miss her like crazy and maybe I've become a little crazy because of it.
she will probably never read these words, and it's better this way, it wouldn't change anything anyway, I tried to make up for it in every way, except going there in person, things she asked me not to do, and so I obeyed. there is no ending to this message, rambling and badly written... it's just an outburst from a person who can no longer live every day in the same head as the boy he hates, in the same body as the one he hates. he destroyed the most precious and important relationship I have ever had, I understood all this too late, as usual, I always arrive too late.

While my friend was in a relationship I heard all kinds of nice things from her like how pretty I am or good looking. But she broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years and she went back to how she was exactly 2 years ago.
I was at a shop buying press on nails when a random girl hugged me,until I've realized that was an old classmate and her twin. They complimented me saying I lost a lot of weight and one said I got prettier. When I came back to my friend she just looked at me confused "did she just say you got prettier??" In a weird,shocked tone. I've also started to make some self deprecated jokes,not cuz I'm insecure,I just thought they were funny,like how I can't do a slicked back bun because my head is round and I'd look like an egg and she said that I would look like that. When I told another girl how we both have the same weight but she is distributed evenly,she said it's mostly because of the gym(I workout at home) and she got into the convo just to say it's the truth. She also is texting a guy who saw her a couple of times and liked her,and now she sees me as lame and annoying because well,no one ever approaches me
Even while buying those press on nails,she said that none of them fit me because I have weird hands,and that she has normal feminine hands unlike mine(I am literally big boned,I have broad shoulders,big hands and feet and a wide ribcage) and that surgery for hands exist
I know I'm no catch,I don't have a body,but I honestly hate how I fucking look even more. You know you look fine,so why come at me when someone gives me a compliment or if I joke about myself

My boyfriend (M20) and I (M20) have been dating for five years. We met in high school and have always been involved in each other’s family events. When I first met his parents, they seemed like the ideal mother and father: affectionate, caring, and not overly restrictive. I was 16 at the time and didn’t notice any issues beneath the surface.
In February 2023, my boyfriend's mother, Emma (F47), started sleeping outside her bedroom. His father, John (M48), told me she was just tired and needed comfort. I was confused and noticed she sounded like she was crying. A week later, John left the country on business, and Emma sat my boyfriend and me down to explain what was happening. She discovered that John had been cheating overseas. He had been a serial cheater, and his mistress was his business partner, whom Emma had known about for years. On a recent trip overseas, John had separated from Emma to meet his mistress for another holiday. Emma was so devastated that she cheated back but didn’t reveal with whom. I was shocked and offered her emotional support, even though I didn’t have any advice to give.
Since then, I haven’t been able to see John the same way.
Fast forward to April 2024, another family intervention took place. Emma said she considers me part of the family and wanted me to know she is now dating someone and plans to divorce John. To my shock, she revealed she is dating Paul (M25), my boyfriend’s friend. My boyfriend and Paul met through a sports club, and Paul had been to our home for dinner a few times. Paul had pursued Emma multiple times during his friendship with my boyfriend. While the age gap (22 years) doesn’t bother me, Emma dating my boyfriend’s friend feels selfish. Emma and Paul started dating in November 2023 and kept it a secret for six months. During this time, Emma’s parents passed away, and she had to travel back and forth to her home country to be with her family. I understand Emma is struggling with confidence and support right now, but her actions have severe repercussions. My boyfriend is visibly affected—he’s losing interest in his favorite sport, started smoking, and even mentioned breaking up with me because he feels unable to be mentally present in our relationship. I realize this might be selfish of me to highlight, but I prioritize my boyfriend's emotions throughout all of this. John is a good father but a terrible husband. He cheats, is physically and emotionally abusive, and has promised Emma for eight years that he would settle down with her. Emma isn’t seeking any divorce money; she just wants to move on. The problem is, Emma and my boyfriend still live together, and Paul is constantly there when John is not. Paul uses John’s house slippers, pretends to be my boyfriend to use his healthcare card, and uses the apartment gym. It feels wrong for me to witness all of this. Emma confides in me like I’m her daughter, but I’ve told her I can’t condone her actions. It doesn’t align with my values, and I can’t keep lying to my boyfriend’s parents. I empathize with Emma, but her coping methods are wrong. My boyfriend tries to be a good son and says it doesn’t bother him because his mother is her own person. However, his reaction to the situation is clearly affecting him negatively.
I love my boyfriend and hate that he’s going through this. What can I do to support him emotionally?
**TL;DR**: My boyfriend (M20) of five years is stuck keeping his parents' infidelity secrets. His father (M48) cheated with a coworker, and his mother (M47) is now dating his friend (M25). How can I support my boyfriend emotionally?

I have been using my boyfriend’s old iPad for a work thing - with his permission - and downloaded a file but at the same time saw several downloaded pictures of him and his ex-wife of 4 years doing various sexual acts. Normally he would have the benefit of the doubt, he’s not used the iPad for a while but the timestamps of the images were of last month. They are clearly old pictures (she looks a lot different now).
I asked him if we need to talk about some images I found in his files and of course he at first tried to play them off with “they are old pictures” and the classic “I have no idea how they got there” until I mentioned the timestamps.
He broke down and said he’s been looking at pictures of her on his phone (and his iCloud must have synced to the iPad) and it’s a purely sexual ‘fantasy’ about his past with no emotions or attachment. He said he feels so guilty but he just hasn’t been able to bring himself to delete them or stop masturbating to them.
He’s made very clear that he isn’t attracted to his ex in the present at all (she’s gained lots of weight and acts like a completely different person) but says it’s like his wife died and there is a stranger in her place now and it’s his wife that he has felt sexually attracted to.
I just feel really disrespected right now. I just can’t unsee those images. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like the fact that he can’t bring himself to delete these pictures does show an emotional attachment and brings me to wondering if he is even ready for a long term relationship despite his break up being 2+ years ago and my relationship with him for almost a year now.
Tldr; boyfriend faps to images of him and his ex together and I feel angry - how do I approach?

My boyfriend, who's 36, has been carving out his path as an independent fashion designer for about five years now. He's had the thrill of dressing A-list celebs and rubbing elbows with big names in the industry (Queen Latifiah told us she loved our outfits at an event). But lately, he's hit a bit of a snag. Even though he started off making custom outfits, he's shifted gears to selling his designs online. The thing is, while more folks are asking for custom pieces, he's kinda tired of them—they eat up a ton of time and don't bring in much profit. He wants to sell his own designs, but he hasn't had many online orders. It's left him questioning his talent as a designer, even though he's had some major wins. Plus, a few years back, he got knocked down a peg after losing a reality TV design competition, and he's hesitant to put himself out there like that again.
On top of that, he's got this amazing, infectious personality that draws people to him like moths to a flame. But despite all his charm and talent, he's feeling a bit stuck. He's wondering if, at 36, he should be further along in his career, especially when he's got little savings and the orders aren't exactly pouring in like they used to.
Now, he's tossing around the idea of jumping into fashion marketing for a more stable income and some extra perks. And honestly, I'm all for it. It could be a great chance for him to learn the ropes of the corporate fashion world while still pursuing his own dreams.
As for me, I'm 30 and still in the early stages of my marketing career, with just a couple of years of experience under my belt. But I'm eager to use my skills to support him—I just know I need to solidify my own career and understand of fashion marketing a bit first.
Right now we are considering a social media rebrand since his business page (5k followers) looks more like a personal page than fashion brand.
We could really use some advice on how to keep his passion alive through these tough times. What have you done when your businesses hit a rough patch, and how can we apply that to his situation?
EDIT: Hi everyone, thanks for the questions/answers. Keep them coming.
I plan on scheduling a meeting with him this weekend to discuss marketing strategies.
What are some question that I should ask him?
So far I have

1. What's your website traffic?
   
2. Gross sales/ goals
   
3. Distribution or license model?
   

My boyfriend, who's 36, has been carving out his path as an independent fashion designer for about five years now. He's had the thrill of dressing A-list celebs and rubbing elbows with big names in the industry (Queen Latifiah told us she loved our outfits at an event). But lately, he's hit a bit of a snag. Even though he started off making custom outfits, he's shifted gears to selling his designs online. The thing is, while more folks are asking for custom pieces, he's kinda tired of them—they eat up a ton of time and don't bring in much profit. He wants to sell his own designs, but he hasn't had many online orders. It's left him questioning his talent as a designer, even though he's had some major wins. Plus, a few years back, he got knocked down a peg after losing a reality TV design competition, and he's hesitant to put himself out there like that again.
On top of that, he's got this amazing, infectious personality that draws people to him like moths to a flame. But despite all his charm and talent, he's feeling a bit stuck. He's wondering if, at 36, he should be further along in his career, especially when he's got little savings and the orders aren't exactly pouring in like they used to.
Now, he's tossing around the idea of jumping into fashion marketing for a more stable income and some extra perks. And honestly, I'm all for it. It could be a great chance for him to learn the ropes of the corporate fashion world while still pursuing his own dreams.
As for me, I'm 30 and still in the early stages of my marketing career, with just a couple of years of experience under my belt. But I'm eager to use my skills to support him—I just know I need to solidify my own career and understand of fashion marketing a bit first.
Right now we are considering a social media rebrand since his business page (5k followers) looks more like a personal page than fashion brand.
We could really use some advice on how to keep his passion alive through these tough times. What have you done when your businesses hit a rough patch, and how can we apply that to his situation?
EDIT: Hi everyone, thanks for the questions/answers. Keep them coming.
I plan on scheduling a meeting with him this weekend to discuss marketing strategies.
What are some question that I should ask him?
So far I have

1. What's your website traffic?
   
2. Gross sales/ goals
   
3. Distribution or license model?
   

I have a girl friend since childhood who, as it seems as we approach our 30s this year, is cutting off me and other long time friends because we are in relationships. A little background, we've had our ups and downs especially in our teen years because she was always hyper competitive with me, but she is a good friend with a big heart. I feel closer personality to my friends I've met in adulthood but I cherish our long term friendship and now that we live halfway across the country, I'm conscious about putting in more effort to maintain our friendship. However, it seems like she has started to cut off me and our other mutual childhood friend because we found partners. I've been dating a great guy for almost a year and our other friend got married 2 years ago. Both of us are independent outside our relationships, we don't just talk about our partners or invite partners to everything.
My friend stopped replying to our text threads and offers to Facetime etc, just no response in months. My friends live near each other, and the friend (without the partner) had a birthday party and invited a bunch of people, and didn't invite our mutual (married) friend. I didn't recognize a the people, so I creeped on their IGs and a lot of them have posts all about being happy being single or not needing a man (which is valid too.) I sent my friend a birthday gift as well as a personal gift because she recently bought a house, which is a huge accomplishment I'm proud of her for. She never acknowledged either gift --I checked the tracking images and it was delivered. I think this is rude and ungrateful, but it's not the reason I will end a friendship.
I've noticed my friend has made more and more bitter comments about people in relationships. She visited me and before she even met my boyfriend, she asked why he was still single in his late 30s (we are about 8 years apart), in a smug way. (And on that trip I introduced her to my bf, but we had plenty of days of JUST girl time). She commented after another friend's wedding "they're gonna have problems in their marriage", and said about one of our friends who got her first boyfriend "it won't last, it's her first bf." These comments don't feel very supportive and I feel like she's becoming jaded. Unfortunately my friend has not had great luck in the dating world and I know she wants to get married and have kids. Her taste in men hasn't been great, but I know she craves the kind of stable, career driven partner my friends and I have. And I'm not unsympathetic to the pros and the cons of being single at this age, I know it can be harder to not have a partner, whether financially or emotionally. I've lived on my own (still do), done the dating apps scene, etc., it's not like I would ever dismiss her for being single or her dating struggles
I worry in your 30s this is the dreaded "friends go separate ways" or separate paths type situation, which I don't want to happen (makes me so sad). I do see there starts to be more of a schism between people who have partners or are planning for kids, than those who don't, but it can't be insurmountable! Has anyone experienced similar with a friend with a jealous or bad attitude about friends partnering up? Will time help heal any issues and she'll come back around or should I be trying to do more with the friendship?

i'm 20F my mom is in her late 40's ,my mom and dad are together.
I first caught her when i was 15 years old, i was young and a teenager back then and that really had a bad effect on me, IT SCREWED ME UP MENTALLY cause i never thought that my mom would do that, she was an angel to me.
i remember reading her texts and seeing that she was texting a family friend, they were talking dirty, calling each other on the phone etc, i remember that she secretly sent him a huge amount of money (my dad's money because he provides), and i remember him sending her a picture of his id card and stuff still don't know why.
i also remember them sexting a lot, her sending him some adult pictures of her (which made me go insane) and him sending her corn videos, that was soo disgusting .
at that age i knew that i was not mature enough to take the right decision, i was confused , and that's why i didn't tell my dad, but i told my brothers and they refused to believe me. one day i faced her about it and i cried begging her to stop texting that man and she told me she will stop.
my relationship with her changed a lot during that time, she started hating me a lot, and becoming more aggressive towards me.
then i took the decision to not give an f anymore, i thought maybe she will get bored at some point or realize that she's doing something wrong as a mom of 5 kids and if my dad founds out then i'll pretend that i knew nothing so i don't loose his trust as well.
5 years passed by and she is still in the same situation as before and even worse, i remember 2 years ago i checked her second phone(that i didn't know she had) and i saw that she had a fake profile on facebook and its full of dudes in her dms and weird ass groups i was like WHAT THE ACTUAL F* i was shocked then i put the phone away cuz i had enough.
Yesterday, a weird number called her and it was another man i pretended that nothing happened and that i didn't see her phone ringing.
it was yesterday when i realized that she's still going through the same pathway.
what should i do? i don't care about her life, if she's happy with those men then be it, i'm actually worried about my dad, he has abnormal anger issues. he will probably murder her if he founds out, and i'm worried about my reputation as a woman of such society, i don't do these stuff and i never had a boyfriend.
my question is :how can i put an end to this ? should i play dumb for the rest of my life til dad founds out and something bigger happens or just move on and move out ?
btw i come from a conservative 3rd world country, the things that my mom is doing are considered as very shameful and dangerous acts, especially as a woman it's risky here and she knows it. Even if my father murders her one day no one can do anything, men murder women here, yesterday our neighbor stabbed his wife to death, and all the blame was put on her, i'm really worried.

I (F19) have been dating my boyfriend (M22) for 8 months now. Two months ago, I discovered my worst nightmare when I decided to go through his phone.
When I went through his phone, I not only found masses of porn but also pictures of his ex (F21) and her being on his ignored friend requests on Snapchat (meaning he’d removed her, but she still had him added). I’d checked this before because we’d previously had issues with his ex, but she wasn’t there, so it was recent. He also had a call to her on Valentine's Day. After some prying and a ton of lying from him, we actually talked about it. He said he only sent food for the cat and that he’d stop the porn. A few days later, I gave him an ultimatum: - Stop communication with her, only send food for the cat. - You don’t need to save pictures of the cat with her in it. - No more porn.
He agreed and promised to follow these conditions.
After this, when I looked at his search history, it had been deleted, so he only had two days of history. I asked about it after a few weeks, and he told me this was because of “my birthday presents being on there” and how “he doesn’t want me to see since I checked before.” Even though none of his lies lined up with when I checked, I ignored it.
Now, I’ve found him searching for porn again. He told me it’s just from an open tab. I don’t believe him, but he insists that he didn’t watch porn and that he’s followed the ultimatum. I still can’t believe him, and I’m not sure if I should stand my ground and leave or stay and work things out. Because of his past of lying, I feel like I’m walking into a trap. But i also feel like we have so much potential because i love him dearly.
I know a lot of people are going to get upset that I’ve checked his phone, but he told me he was fine with it and open to it, and I wouldn’t have a problem if he checked mine.
For additional information:
He and his ex were married, dated for 4 years, got matching tattoos, and had a stillborn.
At the start of our relationship, he led me to believe he was someone who never let exes back no matter what, someone who got rid of them the second they messed up. So, to find out he was still contacting her was shocking. I would’ve understood given their situation with the cat and the stillborn. It’s just the way he’s made himself seem, only to be lying the whole time.
I did not know about them being married or having a stillborn until a few weeks in. At that point, I felt I was too deep into the relationship to throw away what we had. He told me he was “too scared to tell me” and he “wanted to wait until the right time,” which I can understand.
For a few weeks after, he was being funny about giving me his Instagram, so I made a new account and found out he’d blocked me on it. I also found out he was still following his ex and she was following him. This stopped once I confronted him and he followed me instead.
Another few months later, I found provocative pictures of women on his Pinterest saves. He obviously just said that he saved them because they dressed like me, which some did, but out of the 15 pictures, only 4 did. The rest were just women in underwear.

i'm 20F my mom is in her late 40's ,my mom and dad are together.
I first caught her when i was 15 years old, i was young and a teenager back then and that really had a bad effect on me, IT SCREWED ME UP MENTALLY cause i never thought that my mom would do that, she was an angel to me.
i remember reading her texts and seeing that she was texting a family friend, they were talking dirty, calling each other on the phone etc, i remember that she secretly sent him a huge amount of money (my dad's money because he provides), and i remember him sending her a picture of his id card and stuff still don't know why.
i also remember them sexting a lot, her sending him some adult pictures of her (which made me go insane) and him sending her corn videos, that was soo disgusting .
at that age i knew that i was not mature enough to take the right decision, i was confused , and that's why i didn't tell my dad, but i told my brothers and they refused to believe me. one day i faced her about it and i cried begging her to stop texting that man and she told me she will stop.
my relationship with her changed a lot during that time, she started hating me a lot, and becoming more aggressive towards me.
then i took the decision to not give an f anymore, i thought maybe she will get bored at some point or realize that she's doing something wrong as a mom of 5 kids and if my dad founds out then i'll pretend that i knew nothing so i don't loose his trust as well.
5 years passed by and she is still in the same situation as before and even worse, i remember 2 years ago i checked her second phone(that i didn't know she had) and i saw that she had a fake profile on facebook and its full of dudes in her dms and weird ass groups i was like WHAT THE ACTUAL F* i was shocked then i put the phone away cuz i had enough.
Yesterday, a weird number called her and it was another man i pretended that nothing happened and that i didn't see her phone ringing.
it was yesterday when i realized that she's still going through the same pathway.
what should i do? i don't care about her life, if she's happy with those men then be it, i'm actually worried about my dad, he has abnormal anger issues. he will probably murder her if he founds out, and i'm worried about my reputation as a woman of such society, i don't do these stuff and i never had a boyfriend.
my question is :how can i put an end to this ? should i play dumb for the rest of my life til dad founds out and something bigger happens or just move on and move out ?
btw i come from a conservative 3rd world country, the things that my mom is doing are considered as very shameful and dangerous acts, especially as a woman it's risky here and she knows it. Even if my father murders her one day no one can do anything, men murder women here, yesterday our neighbor stabbed his wife to death, and all the blame was put on her, i'm really worried.

My gf (26f) and (27m)had been together for about 3 years. My gf has some insecurities and issues that she projected onto me and she also had a habit of leaving and packing up her things whenever it got a bit tough. (I think this is because of her dad not being around and leaving when she was younger but l asked her to please not do that anymore). I tried my best to be a trusting and loyal boyfriend, I'd never cheat on her but she would go through my phone and treat me like a cheater for any reason. (For example searching up an old female friend on IG, or their being girls on my discovery page). I know one could think I had ill intention but it was not the case. There was definitely a lack of trust but I do not think I gave her a reason to feel like that. She had a very big issue with me watching porn which I know is a topic with different opinions. I would only watch and masturbate when she was not with me. I did try to quit porn but found myself back to it when I was alone.. I do think that maybe a problem for me but I told her I do not compare her to pictures on a screen. We broke up for these kinds of reasons and got back together after about 3 months. I really thought the time away was going to make us closer and relationship better but we ended up fighting alot when we were back together. The first date we had she walked out on me and told me she would just get an Uber home. This is because I was trying to tell her that my friends gf likes her and wants to be her friend and she felt I was defending her over her. She always thinks I treat everyone way better than her especially when we were out with friends. I do not want to have to be purposely mean to people".. her to feel like I treat her well. I decided to end i v again as I'm terrified we will have a lifetime of th problems and I don't want to be divorced after a short marriade. She asked me for another chance and was telling me all the things I wish I heard from her before like what she wants to change to make it work, but I felt I had made my mind. It's been 3 weeks now and I feel so messed up and I can only really focus clearly on the good things we had. I feel like it's going to be near impossible to find a connection with somone like that again. I'm fighting myself not to message her and l'm having some of the worst days of my life. I can't focus on work and I'm not sure what to do. I'm feeling like I could have done more now and what I should have done differently and asking myself if it was my fault she felt this way. I tried my best to make her feel loved and beautiful would always make me feel like she felt so terrible around me

i'm 20F my mom is in her late 40's ,my mom and dad are together.
I first caught her when i was 15 years old, i was young and a teenager back then and that really had a bad effect on me, IT SCREWED ME UP MENTALLY cause i never thought that my mom would do that, she was an angel to me.
i remember reading her texts and seeing that she was texting a family friend, they were talking dirty, calling each other on the phone etc, i remember that she secretly sent him a huge amount of money (my dad's money because he provides), and i remember him sending her a picture of his id card and stuff still don't know why.
i also remember them sexting a lot, her sending him some adult pictures of her (which made me go insane) and him sending her corn videos, that was soo disgusting .
at that age i knew that i was not mature enough to take the right decision, i was confused , and that's why i didn't tell my dad, but i told my brothers and they refused to believe me. one day i faced her about it and i cried begging her to stop texting that man and she told me she will stop.
my relationship with her changed a lot during that time, she started hating me a lot, and becoming more aggressive towards me.
then i took the decision to not give an f anymore, i thought maybe she will get bored at some point or realize that she's doing something wrong as a mom of 5 kids and if my dad founds out then i'll pretend that i knew nothing so i don't loose his trust as well.
5 years passed by and she is still in the same situation as before and even worse, i remember 2 years ago i checked her second phone(that i didn't know she had) and i saw that she had a fake profile on facebook and its full of dudes in her dms and weird ass groups i was like WHAT THE ACTUAL F* i was shocked then i put the phone away cuz i had enough.
Yesterday, a weird number called her and it was another man i pretended that nothing happened and that i didn't see her phone ringing.
it was yesterday when i realized that she's still going through the same pathway.
what should i do? i don't care about her life, if she's happy with those men then be it, i'm actually worried about my dad, he has abnormal anger issues. he will probably murder her if he founds out, and i'm worried about my reputation as a woman of such society, i don't do these stuff and i never had a boyfriend.
my question is :how can i put an end to this ? should i play dumb for the rest of my life til dad founds out and something bigger happens or just move on and move out ?
btw i come from a conservative 3rd world country, the things that my mom is doing are considered as very shameful and dangerous acts, especially as a woman it's risky here and she knows it. Even if my father murders her one day no one can do anything, men murder women here, yesterday our neighbor stabbed his wife to death, and all the blame was put on her, i'm really worried.

Vegan 7 years here. Have always been slightly militant. I wouldn't really argue with people in general, but have had arguments with family members and boyfriends. I have always had an all or nothing mindset. Personally that will never change, I'm never going to consume animals products in any form.
I've always judged people harshly for consuming any kind of animal products. When friends or family eat meat in front of me it upsets me and I do view them negatively for it. My mum in particular has always irritated me. She's a vegetarian. She always goes on about how being vegan is so hard and I'm so "amazing" for doing it. To me it feels like she's just trying to openly praise veganism so she doesn't feel as bad for still consuming cheese.
Deep inside me wants to get angry about it and argue with her. But maybe I should just accept people like this. I've gotten into so many online arguments, watched so many videos of people being mean/ignorant about veganism, read so many ignorant/smug comments. It's so draining.
I want kindness in my life. Sometimes I feel like veganism contributes so much negativity into my life, and I feel like that's partly because of how angry and upset I get over things. And I judge people SO much.

TLDR: My boyfriend denied remembering asking me to move in with him but says he still wants to. I don't like how he chose to approach this and I don't know how to go forward. How do I navigate this?
PSA English isn't my first language
Setting the scene: I (24F) had a bad fight with my mother (F59) yesterday afternoon and my boyfriend (M22) came over to my apartment to console me. A little background on my mother - she has suffered narcissistic abuse and sometimes uses damaging tactics to win small argument. She gets defensive and says things she doesn't mean and always apologises (she is getting help) but yesterday she had a particularly nasty episode that really hurt me and left me crying once I got home. I called my boyfriend to vent and he came over to console me. I had stopped crying by the time he got there and we went back to his place where I curled up in his bed, scrolled through social media to distract myself while he worked on his laptop at his desk.
We didn't really talk about anything other than his work, his day, his plans for the week and my fight with my mother until we fell asleep. Just after I fell asleep he woke me up to tell me that I shouldn't be upset if we don't end up moving in together at the end of the year like we had discussed. I asked what he meant thinking that the place we wanted might not be available anymore or he was having financial issues, but he told me no he just hadn't made up his mind about moving in together yet. I said something along the lines of "Why did you ask me to move in with you if you hadn't made up your mind yet?" to which he responded that he doesn't remember ever asking me and that according to him we had only ever discussed it as a possibility.
Background: We hadn't talked about moving in before he had asked me casually over dinner two months ago if I would move in with him when his roommate moved back to his home county come end 2024. This is all many months away and I said yes thinking it gave us lots of time to adjust to the idea making the whole transition easier.
At this point I was tired, drained from my argument with my mother, suddenly felt like I was being rejected and like this just came out of nowhere so couldn't stop myself from letting a tear or two slip (not real crying though) while talking. He said I was being overly emotional, that the only reason he said anything was so that I wouldn't get upset and he didn't want to discuss it further. I told him I was just caught off guard and wanted to understand where he was coming from. We talked it through and he said that while he still wanted to move in with me he wasn't sure he would be ready at the end of the year. I said I understood and I never wanted him to feel pressured and would never want to move in with a partner who didn't want to be there. We just went to sleep after that.
Last night I told myself I'd just let it go and wait for him to decide what he wanted but now I'm confused, sad and thinking I should probably take this more seriously. It felt like he had a late-night spiral and spoke without really considering the state I was in, the effect it would have on me or what he really wanted out of the conversation as he has since gone back to saying that he definitely wants to live with me he's just intimidated by taking such a big step in a relationship.
Basically I want to navigate this so that he's not pressured into anything, but he still understands that I don't have as much confidence in our future as I had before. How do I bring this up with him without pushing him too hard?
Relevant information:
I'm his first serious adult relationship
we have been officially dating for more than a year
we both have very good relationships with each other's friends and families
his parents have just recently had a messy divorce
he mentioned his mother doesn't seem keen on us moving in together though they haven't directly discussed it
neither of us are particularly religious
we have only had two serious disagreements and both times were caused by him drinking too much and subsequently getting hurt but we quickly moved past all that

And I feel like absolute shit about it. I'm dot doing anything, just feeling sad when I'm out with both of them. My best friend keeps saying it's not fair to her that I keep hanging out with them, but I really like her and I can't just say no every time she asks if her bf can come cause that would be weird since we have been out as a group a few times and that was never a problem before.
The worst part is she's from another country and planning on moving to where me and her boyfriend live, and I've offered to look for a place together since I also wanna move, this was before I realized I have this crush tho. But now I'm having words with my best friend over this and it sucks cause I can't help what my body does and what thoughts randomly pop up in my head.

I basically just broke up with my boyfriend. He basically gave me the silent treatment for a week, hanging up on all my calls. His texts never responded to my messages of me pouring my heart out and were extremely vague. We had only been together since this March, but at first we talked everyday.
Then I sent this message a week ago or more:
“Baby...if you think about me all the time...how come you will not talk to me? I feel like I am being held at a distance from you. I don't know what to do except to try and talk to you about it. Also I just realized something that has been bothering me...I wanted to ask you. Yet I feel like I shouldn't because you are already so stressed. Though I do want to be part of this because you are a part of my life and I need communication. I don't want to be left in the dark with whatever is going on right now with you. I want to hear about it all, the good and the bad. I want to be able to call you by the end of the day and you can vent to me. I want more than anything for you to lean on me like a healthy relationship. I don't see it as burden. Remember I did say when you go quiet and don't talk to me about what's going on it does the opposite of what you want. You said you don't want to worry me, but that is exactly what that does. I do not expect you to talk to me at all hours a day. Just a few messages a day and a call every other two days, something like that.”
He basically said this message pissed him off and that I was incredibly self absorbed. After that he refused to talk to me. Before that he was barely talking to me and I was pouring my heart out trying to let him know I am there for him.
Then this morning he finally called me back.
I asked if he actually thought I was self absorbed.
Then he said, “Really that is what you’re worried about?” And hung up.
There was a WHOLE LIST I was worried about, but how the fuck am I supposed to get to that if you hang up on me. He never communicated with me and would shut down. He said I didn’t care, but dammit there are messages of me flooding his inbox sick with worry. I’d almost have panick attacks cause he wouldn’t answer. If there was anyone who didn’t care it was him. My sister said he was still an immature child if this is how he handles conflict, by name calling and shutting down. I knew this wouldn’t work with the way he acts, but it still hurts.
I was trying to do everything in my power to stop us from splitting, but how can you do that if your partner refuses to even talk to you. It is like she said, you shouldn’t be having this many issues this early on into the relationship.
I mean the amount of anxiety he gave me from ignoring my calls, not answering any of my messages and literally giving me vague responses that only led to more questions. It was just too much. In the beginning it felt too good to be true and of course it was. The funny thing is he said he was sorry that we stressed each other out so much, but the only thing that was causing stress is the fact he shuts down anytime you need to talk to him about something serious. I am pissed and I am hurt…

I have 2 fur babies one is M(7) and the other is F(5). They have lived together for 4 years, and until I moved in with my boyfriend a year ago, they have been fine with one another. Now my M cat is starting to get grumpy, and will occasionally pee on my bed while I am at work. I took him to the vet and they gave him an all clear medically, it was just behavioral. He doesn’t like when I give any attention to my other cat, and will chase her off when she try’s to get pets. I have bought 2 separate litter boxes and they are in separate rooms. I scoop them every other day and change out the litter weekly. They have 2 separate stainless steel water fountains, and 5 separate stainless steel food bowls around the house. I have a scratching post in every room, and they have perches in most of the windows. I don’t know how much more attention, or accommodation I can give him to make him feel comfortable in his environment. I’ve tried the feliway cat plug ins for multi cat household, and I’ve tried calming chews. I’ve tried wet treats in the morning, which makes him feel entitled to wet treats daily and if not received, pee is in my bed when I return home. I am not looking to rehome either of them. I just want to make him happy again. He’s my little cuddle bug. Any advice would be much appreciated!!

I’ve been thinking about something that had happened a few times when I was 11-13. My mother had gotten a boyfriend who was over a decade younger than her (she was mid thirties, he was early twenties) and he had about the same age difference with me. He was always kind of emotionally abusive and such, the usual “evil stepparent” way, but that isn’t what this is about. He was weird in other ways too, I suppose. When my mom was at work, he would come into my room, pin me down, and tickle me for anywhere from five to ten minutes, then stop and leave without a word. He would do this ALL THE TIME. He would hold me down so hard that i seriously would freak out because I realized that I genuinely could not get out of his grasp at all. He also one time forced me to slow dance with him, and when I told him I was uncomfortable and started crying, he threw me to the ground and told me I was acting like a baby. He would do things like force me to tell him that I loved him (I didn’t love him, so I didn’t want to lie), and one time when I was crying he kissed me on the forehead after I told him REPEATEDLY that I didn’t like him touching me. He would do that a lot, like asking for hugs and stuff. I hasn’t realized that I had been molested as a child yet, so I didn’t understand why I hated being touched so much, but when I refused hugs and stuff he always said “stop being a baby, I do so much for you” and stuff. I bring this all up because recently someone said that all of this was creepy, but I just never thought about it. Was this creepy? I both needed this off my chest and to see other people’s opinions. He also one time agreed with my mother that I should wear a skin tight dress (a very provocative dress) to my middle school dance when I was eleven. I’m not one to shame anyone for wearing revealing clothes, but it definitely was something I should have not worn as a literal child. There are a few more things, but I think he uses reddit and don’t want him to figure out it’s me. Thanks everyone.