Anniversary sayings parents

I just want to get this off my chest.
I'd be a terrible mother. I was abused throughout childhood, and despite therapy, I never fully recovered.
Sometimes I fantasize about having a child of my own just so I can beat them up. I think about it with a smile on my face while giggling about how it's finally my turn.
I'm fucked up, and no child deserves such an abusive mother like me.
People always tell me that I'll change my mind once I hold my child. That I'll suddenly feel unconditional love and that those feelings will all be gone.
But what if I don't feel that? Why didn't my mother feel that? (And note, I was a planned child.) I'd rather regret my decision to stay child free later on in my life rather than raise the next school shooter or serial killer. Because with the way I am, the only way any child of mine can possibly end up is either dead or as a killer. At least if I regret being childfree, the only person I'll harm is myself.
They tell me that I'll have a rush of endorphins once I have skin to skin. They fail to acknowledge post partum syndrome, or depression, or rage.
I'm a terrible, fucked up, abusive person. I'm the type of person to whom others say, "please never reproduce", or "God help her child".
So please, I wish people would stop telling me (or other people) to have kids when they don't want to. You don't know their story.
Some people don't deserve to be parents.

Hey, i know this may be a common thing that happens in here maybe, but i don’t really know what to do after high school.
I’m 17 year old junior and i don’t know what to do. It’s been difficult for me to find a passion. I do like to play sports such as golf, track and field, or anything really, but i’ve been the best at those. i’m not the fastest ever but not the slowest. My dad i would say forced me into playing golf, my siblings when they were my age played while they were in high school as well, i wouldn’t say i dislike golf but i don’t particularly love it either being forced to doing something you don’t like isn’t pleasant at all and since i’ve never been really outstanding at any of these but i don’t give up and try my hardest, i just don’t think my parents really believe in me or have faith. I’ve been on a lot of field trips that are about agriculture and i do have some sort of thing with technology. My mom works for UIUC and my dad works at our restaurant on that campus. After my mom gets done from her university job, she goes and helps out my dad. I’ve tried working and helping out but i don’t wanna be stuck working a 9-5. I have been however looking into Affiliate Marketing and i do like the idea of it, well overall Digital Marketing is something i’m interested in. I guess what i’m trying to say is I don’t know what to really stick with. I do think that Affiliate Marketing can really help me take off as maybe a career path. Everything has just been so overwhelming and i’m not happy right now.

Quick backstory: I (30f) had to abruptly move out of my parents’ home due to emotional, mental, psychological, and physical abuse. I’m also going through a separation from my 4 year relationship. Because this is all abrupt, and with living in Toronto, I can’t afford much other than a basement. Coming from an abusive home, I knew I wanted to live alone (for peace of mind).
I found this affordable basement that was newly renovated. Except when I went to visit, the current tenant was FILTHY. I’m talking entire toilet bowl black, sink was orange. Mold, gunk, funk, and hair everywhere. The landlord promised the place will be cleaned when I get there. When I came, there were orange stains all over the walls, globs of hair, black piles of dirt, cobwebs, and what looks like skin/dust all over the baseboards, sinks, and floors. The kitchen stove top was completely rusted over to the point where it looked like it would catch on fire. The entire place had a foul odour. I would upload pics but I don’t want them to find this post.
Everyone I sent the photos to said this is absolutely not normal. So I asked the owners for it to get professionally cleaned and the stove burners and drip pans replaced. First, they said “we can try to clean the missed spots but tbh I’m not sure that it will satisfy your standards.” From the looks of the place, it seemed like they missed the entire basement.
They told me because of the economy, they can’t afford cleaning unless I paid half. Note: They’re making over $3000 in renting out their rooms alongside their double income. I explained this is unfair especially since it wasn’t my doing. They said they work and don’t know any cleaners, that I have to find my own, and that they don’t have time to replace the stove parts. Which is insane and frankly, just unkind. I’m also pretty soft spoken, so it feels like they’re trying to take advantage of the situation.
They said no one has ever complained but their last tenant was a teenager who left the bathroom black and brown. I’m a 29 year old woman. They only agreed to “try” to replace 2/4 of the stove burners. I work as well and found a cleaner within 5 mins. Owners said they can only afford $100 fee max and maybe I can ask the cleaner to clean only the areas I took photos of, which is disrespectful to suggest. I sent 20+ photos of the entire space and the cleaners were disgusted and even called them shitty people for making me pay.
I’ve honestly been through a lot these past few months. From losing my long term relationship to my own parents. I’m currently in therapy, working full time, doing freelance, and running a nonprofit to help disadvantaged youth. I’m going to try to save up, find a better job, and move out when my lease is up. My lease is until the end of the year. I’m just shocked that they could even say those responses and laughed at me for asking. To be honest, any advice or stories to help me get through this would be greatly appreciated.

Hello everyone, this is a long read.
I'm just looking for someone to vent or talk to really, I'm really struggling to process and understand what's happened. I'm in the UK and my partner is in the USA.
To preface, I have autism and my partner has ADHD. We suck at irl communication which is kinda why it was perfect. I always thought it would affect our communication but he doesn't think so, but anyway...
I met my partner a few years ago when I was in a bad place. I had just come out of an abusive relationship and I hated everyone. I was defensive and sarcastic and rude at times. I was looking for friends but I didn't trust anyone.
I spent a lot of time with said partner until one day he said had feelings for me. I was on antidepressants that were affecting my ability to feel at the time but I didn't realise it - I wanted to try a relationship but it didn't last very long, I just felt absolutely nothing. Maybe a month or two at most. I had to end it with him quickly saying I wasn't in the right headspace mentally for a relationship and I couldn't feel. He was absolutely head over heels obsessed with trying to get me back to the point it really annoyed me and I tried to go no contact several times. Problem was, I did have feelings but the meds were stopping me, and I couldn't leave.
A few months later I had time to dwell on this, and came to the realisation that I had feelings of love compressed in my heart. Like they were there and strong but the meds I was taking was blocking them to the point I could... feel that it was blocking the feeling. Does that make sense?
I was in a better place at this point and decided to change meds. A couple of months later, boom. Lol. I can't stop thinking about him until one day I finally gather to courage to say I've had feelings for him all this time, I was in a better place, wasn't totally numb anymore and I wanted to try again if he wanted to. He actually took a few days to come back to me about this, because he was scared of messing up and ruining the relationship like last time which almost ended in us going NC. But he did.
I met his mother and she tells me he has never shown interest in a partner his whole life until he met me. He told me how I'm the one for him. I felt so special.
Anyway, fast forward about a year, we've gone back and forth countries with each other for weeks at a time and start enjoying fantasising about the future. We think about what country we'd live in if we stayed together, until finally we start approaching the subject of marriage.
Last year, around our anniversary, he takes me where we had our first date and proposes. According to my local jeweler, it was an expensiveass ring compared to average, so it wasn't chosen lightly.
Later we discuss if the relationship works out, who's going to live where? USA or UK? There's a lot of arguments around here. He says he already has a job in the USA with good pay. Due to my autism and various other illnesses I'm on benefits (I know I know bad rep) but I've had my own self employed business for years. My argument was if he came here we'd start with less, living on my income and benefits but it was enough, once we were set up and he found a job we'd be living good. Due to my mental health I also needed close access to my parents and doctors. I felt if I went over there I wouldn't cope.
At some point the arguments about moving made me frustrated to the point I was considering ending it. I opened up to my mother about it. Instead of ending it, I chose to get our shit together and put down the law of the land like hey, we need to get better at communicating. Finally I tell him I absolutely feel like I can't move to the USA for the sake of my mental health and that I felt like he wasn't making my mental health a priority and it was making me angry. Eventually he comes to the conclusion that he will move here, as long as he can be with me. No matter what, as long as we'd be together, ultimately he'd do it.
So that settled that.
For the rest of the year we have ups and downs, mostly us learning about each other and trying to understand and communicate despite our disabilities. More recently, we've found all sorts of ways to help each other and our arguments become less and less common. I finally earn enough to move out of my parents house and get a place of my own. We tell each other we love each other every day, every night. It's peaceful and loving and it feels like a chill life.
Or so I thought.
We made a booking for a week long resort vacation in the UK and went last week. It would be the first time we actually had a proper vacation together and not just sharing rooms in each others houses and going to work. I was sooo excited for it! I get him from the airport (a 9 hour flight), we travel 2 hours by train to the resort, we check in, sit down... "yeah, I've been thinking and we should break up. Lets just be friends and have fun at the resort!"
...What?
He tells me he had 'lost feelings' a while ago and it had devolved into friendship feelings, and that he was happy to see me grow and mature and was waiting for the right time to tell me.
...What?
Less than a year ago you were proposing to me?
He wanted cuddles, but 'friendship cuddles'. We could still call each other our pet names and talk all cutesy, but in a 'friend way'. He says he just doesn't want a relationship anymore.
I'm obviously absolutely distraught and mentally regressed back into my suicidal emotional state of mind which was the very thing he was trying to avoid. I resorted to old coping methods if you know what I mean (I've stopped don't worry) and my mother has to drive to my house nearly every day because at some point I have an anxiety attack and can't stop crying. I have actually broke a blood vessel in my face from crying so hard and anxiety attacks, there's a weird bruise there now.
We spend the rest of the week in each other's awkward presence and the whole vacation was ruined because my fiance decided to break up with me as soon as he arrived and expected I'd be up for having happy jolly game time at the resort with him.
To make matters worse, my meds along with this anxiety has completely eliminated my appetite and made me so naseous I haven't eaten or drunk anything for days.
He finally went home yesterday, he told me told me he couldn't talk to me about his feelings before because he felt responsible for my happiness (which he never told me until we actually broke up). But then said he had lost feelings ages ago but went along with it to not upset me. Apparently he had spent the past month thinking about how he was going to tell me but had spent the rest of the year considering doing it, waiting until I was strong enough mentally to handle it.
So why did you propose to me? Why did you let me book this very expensive happy vacation if you planned to break up with me as soon as you arrived? Did he string me along for years? All he can say is that he's sorry he let it get this far and we can still be best friends. Lol.
We've given it a month for him to see if he changes his mind now that everything is out in the open finally, but I can kinda tell he's doing it for my benefit and he's adament he's made up his mind.
I just can't understand how the feelings of love just magically went away and he just kept it up for a year before telling me and utterly shattering my mental state again and saunters off like he don't care. He treats me the exact same as he did before except he's adament we're friends (practically rubbing it in my face) and expects things to carry on as usual. I'm just struggling a lot here.

Hello everyone, this is a long read.
I'm just looking for someone to vent or talk to really, I'm really struggling to process and understand what's happened. I'm in the UK and my partner is in the USA.
To preface, I have autism and my partner has ADHD. We suck at irl communication which is kinda why it was perfect. I always thought it would affect our communication but he doesn't think so, but anyway...
I met my partner a few years ago when I was in a bad place. I had just come out of an abusive relationship and I hated everyone. I was defensive and sarcastic and rude at times. I was looking for friends but I didn't trust anyone.
I spent a lot of time with said partner until one day he said had feelings for me. I was on antidepressants that were affecting my ability to feel at the time but I didn't realise it - I wanted to try a relationship but it didn't last very long, I just felt absolutely nothing. Maybe a month or two at most. I had to end it with him quickly saying I wasn't in the right headspace mentally for a relationship and I couldn't feel. He was absolutely head over heels obsessed with trying to get me back to the point it really annoyed me and I tried to go no contact several times. Problem was, I did have feelings but the meds were stopping me, and I couldn't leave.
A few months later I had time to dwell on this, and came to the realisation that I had feelings of love compressed in my heart. Like they were there and strong but the meds I was taking was blocking them to the point I could... feel that it was blocking the feeling. Does that make sense?
I was in a better place at this point and decided to change meds. A couple of months later, boom. Lol. I can't stop thinking about him until one day I finally gather to courage to say I've had feelings for him all this time, I was in a better place, wasn't totally numb anymore and I wanted to try again if he wanted to. He actually took a few days to come back to me about this, because he was scared of messing up and ruining the relationship like last time which almost ended in us going NC. But he did.
Anyway, fast forward about a year, we've gone back and forth countries with each other for weeks at a time and start enjoying fantasising about the future. We think about what country we'd live in if we stayed together, until finally we start approaching the subject of marriage.
Last year, around our anniversary, he takes me where we had our first date and proposes. According to my local jeweler, it was an expensiveass ring compared to average, so it wasn't chosen lightly.
Later we discuss if the relationship works out, who's going to live where? USA or UK? There's a lot of arguments around here. He says he already has a job in the USA with good pay. Due to my autism and various other illnesses I'm on benefits (I know I know bad rep) but I've had my own self employed business for years. My argument was if he came here we'd start with less, living on my income and benefits but it was enough, once we were set up and he found a job we'd be living good. Due to my mental health I also needed close access to my parents and doctors. I felt if I went over there I wouldn't cope.
At some point the arguments about moving made me frustrated to the point I was considering ending it. I opened up to my mother about it. Instead of ending it, I chose to get our shit together and put down the law of the land like hey, we need to get better at communicating. Finally I tell him I absolutely feel like I can't move to the USA for the sake of my mental health and that I felt like he wasn't making my mental health a priority and it was making me angry. Eventually he comes to the conclusion that he will move here, as long as he can be with me. No matter what, as long as we'd be together, ultimately he'd do it.
So that settled that.
For the rest of the year we have ups and downs, mostly us learning about each other and trying to understand and communicate despite our disabilities. More recently, we've found all sorts of ways to help each other and our arguments become less and less common. I finally earn enough to move out of my parents house and get a place of my own. We tell each other we love each other every day, every night. It's peaceful and loving and it feels like a chill life.
Or so I thought.
We made a booking for a week long resort vacation in the UK and went last week. It would be the first time we actually had a proper vacation together and not just sharing rooms in each others houses and going to work. I was sooo excited for it! I get him from the airport (a 9 hour flight), we travel 2 hours by train to the resort, we check in, sit down... "yeah, I've been thinking and we should break up. Lets just be friends and have fun at the resort!"
...What?
He tells me he had 'lost feelings' a while ago and it had devolved into friendship feelings, and that he was happy to see me grow and mature and was waiting for the right time to tell me.
...What?
Less than a year ago you were proposing to me?
He wanted cuddles, but 'friendship cuddles'. We could still call each other our pet names and talk all cutesy, but in a 'friend way'. He says he just doesn't want a relationship anymore.
I'm obviously absolutely distraught and mentally regressed back into my suicidal emotional state of mind which was the very thing he was trying to avoid. I resorted to old coping methods if you know what I mean (I've stopped don't worry) and my mother has to drive to my house nearly every day because at some point I have an anxiety attack and can't stop crying. I have actually broke a blood vessel in my face from crying so hard and anxiety attacks, there's a weird bruise there now.
We spend the rest of the week in each other's awkward presence and the whole vacation was ruined because my fiance decided to break up with me as soon as he arrived and expected I'd be up for having happy jolly game time at the resort with him.
To make matters worse, my meds along with this anxiety has completely eliminated my appetite and made me so naseous I haven't eaten or drunk anything for days.
He finally went home yesterday, he told me told me he couldn't talk to me about his feelings before because he felt responsible for my happiness (which he never told me until we actually broke up). But then said he had lost feelings ages ago but went along with it to not upset me. Apparently he had spent the past month thinking about how he was going to tell me but had spent the rest of the year considering doing it, waiting until I was strong enough mentally to handle it.
So why did you propose to me? Why did you let me book this very expensive happy vacation if you planned to break up with me as soon as you arrived? Did he string me along for years? All he can say is that he's sorry he let it get this far and we can still be best friends. Lol.
We've given it a month for him to see if he changes his mind now that everything is out in the open finally, but I can kinda tell he's doing it for my benefit and he's adament he's made up his mind.
I just can't understand how the feelings of love just magically went away and he just kept it up for a year before telling me and utterly shattering my mental state again and saunters off like he don't care. He treats me the exact same as he did before except he's adament we're friends (practically rubbing it in my face) and expects things to carry on as usual. I'm just struggling a lot here.

Without giving away too much information about myself, I’ve been living in a city that is known for having a high crime rate for about 2 and a half years. I didn’t know this until after I moved in. I had looked at other apartment buildings nearby but I was interested in this one because of its low rent price compared to the other places we looked at, as well as its space. Even though I live on my own, I have a lot of things that a studio wouldn’t be big enough for. For the first 2 years, I lived on the first floor. I moved to the top floor 6 months ago due to noisy neighbors above me.
For a while, I felt ashamed of living in this city for a few reasons. The first reason is because of what everyone else (mostly online) was saying about it. I had thought about moving to a neighboring city in order to avoid the stigma but I decided it wouldn’t have been worth it, because the rent would be a lot more expensive over there, and I haven’t even really been a victim of any crime since I’ve moved here despite its high crime rate. I’ve been asked for money a few times, though never under any threat, but that’s been the extent of it. It may be the fact that I live in a somewhat gentrified area of the city, as there are a lot of businesses surrounding the building I live in.
The second reason is because a lot of people here primarily speak Spanish. Some people speak English, but it’s mostly Spanish. I can speak some Spanish, and I sometimes practice with family members. My family’s roots are in the Dominican Republic, where a lot of people who live in this city are also from. Despite having roots in that country, I was not born there. I have been to the country a few times but I’ve always felt a bit of a disconnect because I don’t primarily speak Spanish, and I often have to think through what I say before I say it. I used to not be able to speak it at all, aside from a few words here and there. I also don’t really live like a true Dominican, I’m not a partier and I don’t play music very loudly while driving. I do enjoy the food though, as my mother would often make it growing up.
I don’t often tell people what city I live in, because it’s usually met with disgust. I have a feeling that it’s because they actually haven’t been there and they treat things they’ve only heard of as facts. I also believe they find Dominicans intimidating, which is honestly understandable as they can be pretty loud, and like I said, even I have a language barrier with them and my parents are much better at speaking Spanish then I am. Perhaps there’s a bit of “white privilege” going on there.
I know I shouldn’t care what other people think about the city I live in, for the reasons I have come up with, but I always feel very susceptible to opinions of other people.

okay so this is a lot to digest and i’m genuinely asking for advice on how to quit my nanny job. but it’s not as easy as quitting. i’m going to use false age and profession to protect their identity as much as possible.
so, I started working as a nanny for a family of two children and they’re older parents (in their 40s and 50s) and they have a two boys. they have a three year old and a nine year old. I was super excited to work with the family because the mom is super into things that I’m into as well and we share the same hobbies and we instantly clicked. The dad was never a major concern for me. He’s not really present and I honestly don’t care for him.
about six months ago, I started noticing really violent and deviant behaviors coming from the nine-year-old towards his three-year-old brother. I mean sexual deviancy and straight up abusive behaviors towards his baby brother. I’m a childcare provider. I’ve been working professionally in schools for about seven years now I’m a mandated reporter, licensed BT and I do freelance nanny for this family for supplemental income
when I first started seeing these behaviors, I immediately would text or tell the parents the day it happened when they got home from work. the behaviors would sometimes happen multiple times a week and I would bring it up to the parents attention, but they just didn’t seem to care about it…like they would laugh and act like it’s normal. it left me feeling very confused and frustrated to see them react so care free about the types of behaviors.
The nine year-old will face plant the three old brother into the hardwood floor, bite his cheek till he bruises, beat him with a metal rod or just push him hitting wise until he sees his brother cry. I know that horsing around with your siblings is normal but intense violence like this is not common, ESPECIALLY amongst siblings that are not in the same peeage group. I also know that in early childhood (roughly ages 4-puberty) you are developing sexually and you’re curious and you’re exploring. Again, i want to say it is NOT normal to have the urge to experiment with siblings, on top of that, others that are not in your peer group.
I’m a firm believer in not shaming kids for safe solo exploration of their sexuality because i know it can cause long-term effects of shame with sex. but this is beyond that. and I cannot have that approach towards this behavior. multiple times I have seen the nine year old trying to touch his brothers penis, fondle his brothers penis, or force his penis upon his brother. The last straw for me was when I was watching them take a bath and he was rubbing his penis against on his little brother’s foot and I immediately said “I’ll never allow you to do that to your brother, get out the bath tub. that is not okay”and his response was “but it feels good” and I said “you need to do that alone in your own privacy, but I’ll never allow you to hurt your brother.”
His brother will cry and whine whenever these behaviors happen. and what really shook me was a couple weeks ago I saw the three-year-old reaching for inside of his brothers pants…The three-year-old has been having intense behaviors of biting and hitting at the daycare. Since I’m protecting his age, he still at an age where he’s unable to talk so I don’t really know what is going on his mind. but of course he’s frustrated and confused because he’s probably thinking “why is my brother trying to touch me like this? Why is my brother hurting me?”
i have told the parents every single incident, over 10 times now that this has happening when I’m reporting back to them about the kids day and stuff.
I know this is a little sporadic and all over the place but I’m just genuinely so confused and overwhelmed because i feel the only way I can protect these children and help is by staying there but it’s eating me alive mentally. not only that but i feel extremely uncomfortable having to witness this.
he parents don’t care enough. They’re very self-absorbed and they both work as lawyers(again false job to protect identity). when i first began working they were aware of all of my ongoing experience with children who have behaviors and they see so excited like yes please help us blah blah blah. but ignore EVERYTHING I SAY ABOUT CORRECTING THE BEHAVIORS. they are absent parents. they are very self indulged. i feel they genuinely don’t even want to have kids. just the thought of it was nice. the dad acts helpless whenever the wife isn’t home he asks me to stay still a certain time but will extend it even longer. by the way i’m currently working a full time job on top of this in a school as a 1on1 aide. so my energy levels are so low and i genuinely have no tolerance for helpless adults.
so continuing to more behaviors, the nine-year-old says extremely inappropriate things comfortably in front of me and his mother and his mom doesn’t seem to care. one day, we were watching an innocent funny cat compilation video on youtube and there was a cat poking its head out of a fake fish masks mouth and he says “that’s what a mouth looks like when it’s sucking a penis.” another time the mother and I were talking and I said the word “gay” and he was like “gay?” while grinning. and the mom said “yeah do you know what it means if someone’s gay?” and he says “yeah I know that gay people moan a lot.”
I caught him watching animated soft Pokémon porn on YouTube and he got extremely frustrated and said “this is my personal time” yet, he was watching it at the kitchen table…. i told his parents and they did not address it in any way shape or form. they give him hours of unsupervised youtube time. i took the phone from him and I told him phone times over and if he wants to watch YouTube, he has to watch it on the TV with Me.
i’m sure there’s more i’m forgetting but these are the moments that have truly disturbed me.
so this has gone on now for a little over six months. I’ve been trying my best advocate for the children and tell the parents of the behavior, but they just don’t seem to want to give up their self-centered lives and take care of their children.
i consulted with a CPS hotline that do not report about what I should do and they have advised me to report because it is emotional neglect on the parents behalf given that I’ve reached out so many times to them and communicated with them honestly and truthfully about the behavior and they also witnessed it and they think it’s funny from what i’ve gathered. like they don’t act concerned the slightest bit.
I work with emotionally disturbed children one on one and it’s so sad to think that these kids could be one of the kids that I work with one on one some day… because their parents aren’t getting them the help that they need. I’ve asked her so many times about looking into a children’s psychologist for the nine year-old and it just seems to not get through her head and he’s also doing poorly in school. He can barely read or write. It’s just extremely heartbreaking.
I’m at a dilemma with how to approach her and cut ties. i feel so fearful and obligated to stay. like I wanna have a sit down talk with her and tell her how I feel and what I’ve observed and that it’s breaking my heart too much and she needs to do some serious investment in her kids or else I will report her. because I know as a Mandated report I am liable to make reporting of anything in this nature because I can come back and bite me. and i know for a fact i would’ve immediately reported that behavior if i saw it anywhere else. also it just feels like i’m talking to a brick wall if i keep bringing these things to their attentionand they don’t care enough?? then clearly then the next option is obviously consulting with a professional, and getting professional help because I can’t open their eyes enough.
i’m hearing multiple opinions from those in my life that I should just quit and not have the big conversation OR if I have the big conversation, continue to work for them and support throughout that time of putting the nine-year-old and therapy and stuff. but I’m just so sick and tired of being around self-centered people who don’t give a fuck.
I genuinely feel in the ONLY one who can protect these children, especially the three-year-old. because I don’t know what’s happening when I’m not there and they’re unsupervised. but all I know is that he’s doing those things while he’s being supervised by me so I know it’s just a cry for help. The mom hasn’t shared anything with me about him being touched, but I’m starting to begin to think something has happened to him like that. because there’s no way he’s that deviant without some sort of sexual trauma.
so I am just reaching out here to get some unbiased advice on what I should do. I went to work today and she was so excited to see me because I just came back from a vacation. I just couldn’t find the right opening to talk to her about it , and I still really don’t know what to say. I don’t know if my approach should be very clinical and structured and professional or if it should be just more so like “I love you. This is too much for me. Please get your kids help and I have to go.”
help please!

I’m getting married in November. It was originally going to be a small wedding, but the guestlist has grown a bit. My fiancé and I have selected our guests together and have made it a point to only invite people we actually have current social interactions with, and who we both have a relationship with and not just everyone we’ve ever known.
Cut to: my mother looking over our guest list and asking why I haven’t invited (let’s call them x & y) X & Y? I tell her that we are only inviting people we have current social interactions with and that we have actually weeded out some of our “friends” for this very reason. This turns into a full blown arguement, as she is determined that X & Y should be invited, because X is her oldest friend.
Mind you - my parents are not paying for this wedding - We are. I stand my ground and tell her it is not up to her, it is our wedding and our guestlist. And she lays off.
Or so I thought. Now every time I talk about the wedding, the guests, the food etc. she turns the conversation back to X & Y not being invited. If I mention that so and so are coming, she will ask “why are you inviting them and not X & Y?” She will say things like “you can’t invite them, if you do not invite X & Y” and now she’s even saying I have to invite them because she will pay for them - and it is in no way about the money for us, I just do not want them there, because their not our friends or family.
I’m at my wits end… It has gotten to the point where I’m afraid to bring up my wedding to her, because it just ends in a fight every time and I feel like it should be the happiest time for me and I want to share my plans with her and get her actual valid input as my mother.
AITA? And can anyone give me some pointers on what to do? 🫶🏻
XO The frustrated bride to be!

I give him a chance after returning after eight months of silence. I find out he’s been living overseas, he claimed at the time that it was for work and business. It was for the family. We had been back together for five months after his return Christmas. He visited once again for a week . Over 3 months since last visit.
We got in an argument because I was saying how I was overwhelmed doing this all by myself, he decided to make a joke, and I told him that I didn’t think it was funny, and I didn’t think it was the appropriate time to make a joke? I don’t understand what could possibly be funny about the mother of your child saying she’s overwhelmed, and that your son is acting out and that I am making up for his lack of a father? And that’s when all hell broke loose and the relationship ended with him telling me that he lives overseas because of our rocky past and it’s 100% my fault that he is no longer in our lives as an active parent he basically blows the lid on what he’s been saying for the past five months by saying that he’s actually away because he wants to be. He barely contributes financially, he used to and then stopped to spite me and he says now it’s the bare minimum and that is completely intentional because I didn’t appreciate it enough. Meanwhile he lives in a penthouse in a incredibly expensive country, drives an incredibly expensive car, is a literal millionaire. He told me next time I feel overwhelmed I should refer back to these messages saying it’s my fault to remind myself. He blames me 100% for the fact that my child no longer has a dad. he says he would’ve given me everything had we not had so many problems in the past, and that he would’ve loved to give my son (4M) a full life and put him in private school and make my life easy, but now he will never do that. It went on and onabout how it’s all my fault and I’m 100% to blame for the stress of being a single mom. He claims I listened to all the idiots around me a.k.a. my family who were warning me about him and he claims that all of them wanted me to be a single mom and it’s my fault due to our past that our child is fatherless.
I (25F) don’t really wanna go into the past because it doesn’t matter, it didn’t matter in the last five months. I feel heartbroken, and I feel sad and I feel like it’s unfair. I feel so bad for my son to realize that his dad left him on purpose and feels no sense of accountability and how wrong that is. I’m honestly sitting here and I go through a mixture of emotions, I go through the pain of the one that I loved telling me all these things and then I go through the pain of feeling like it is my fault, and I look at my son, and I feel guilt and then I go into a place where I feel like, but that’s ridiculous… No one could force you to move across the country away from your son, but your own choices. But then I think am I so awful that I drove someone to move away from their own child. I need to put this somewhere because right now I’m sitting here and this happened on Thursday and I still find myself checking my phone and rereading the messages and I don’t know what to tell myself. I just lay in bed and I cry all day I can barely get up to feed myself or my child and that makes me feel awful. I don’t know what to do and I need someone to talk to me
He (33M) says I’m going to be a miserable single mom and I’m going to be at the bottom with everyone else. And I’m starting to believe it, I’m starting to believe that my life is never gonna get better and I’m starting to believe that I can’t build a life for my son all by myself. I find myself sitting here and thinking I should’ve just laughed at his crappy joke at a crappy time and then none of this would’ve happened. Since Thursday, it’s been silence, and I have a feeling that it’s always gonna be silence.

My Grandmother (88f) [last of the generation] passed a month ago. But I lost a very close friend my age (41m) in December at Christmas time.
My friend and i always bonded over classic cars. Three days before my Grandmother passed, I had a dream of my friend showing up at a car show, and he pulls up in his Chevelle and gets out looks me in the face and says. "Hey, I'm here. I made it., I promise to get her there safe but fast- for you."
He walks around the car opens the door and my Grandmother gets in smiling from ear to ear. (She loved anything that went fast too).
I didn't think about the dream until my dad called me at 1:30 in the morning after a migraine kicked my ass for hours. The migraine lifted as he called and said "Grandma is gone." And the thunder moved in on a storm that shook the neighborhood all night.
My parents, brother and sister all live about 2 and 3 hours from me but reported the same storm action at the same time.
I didn't give the dream much thought, until I hung up the phone and the message from Dustin sunk in. The message was twofold.

Hi! I don't post here. . like ever but tonight I feel I have no other option. Before I continue moderate TW for Emotional abuse, psychiatric abuse, COCSA, suicide (very minor), troubled teen industry (TTI)
I put the start and ends of tw skip what you need to
ok
stay safe <3
I was abused growing up,
(START COCSA TW) the earliest memory I have is what that girl did to me. She didn't touch me but the way she'd describe what she wanted to do to me haunts me. I was 5 and already I knew about strippers and sex and where to touch to make it feel good. (END COCSA TW)
While all this was happening I watched my once loving dad spiral into anger and despair. He tried, I know he did but he was angry. Honestly I was terrified of him. He'd come home from work
(EMOTIONAL ABUSE TW) and scream at me, horrible things, calling me a bitch, saying I was a horrible person and the like.(END EMOTIONAL TW)
This all went on until two years ago when my parents started their divorce. I was so relieved that my dad had moved out.
(SUICIDE MENTION) However it also sent me into a massive spiral. I wont get into it to much but I was pretty suicidal. (END)
(BEGGINING HOSPITAL/ MEDICAL) I was in and out of hospitals and eventually wound up in a pretty awful place. The staff had us sleeping on mats on the floor and there were people screaming all night. Not to mention the staff would verbally abuse us. It was horrible
(TW GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION) I will never forget what my own unwashed body smelled like after a few days in that place. Never. They didn't give me a pad and they wouldn't let us shower so by the time I transfered to another hospital I was covered in my own blood. (END GRAPHIC)
I bounce around a few hospitals all around the country before ending up in a residential treatment center in Idaho.
(TTI TW) This place was also horrible, we never had food and they'd lock us in the basement if we became to much to handle. (GRAPHIC WARNING) one kid even swallowed nails just to get away (END) Eventually I forced them to have me hospitalized it wasn't so bad in the hospital but I was a very damaged person by this point and would lash out at the staff. Long story short I got arrested. Spent a couple nights in juvie before being released to a different program in Utah.
TLDR: Emotional and SA as a child. A failed marriage and a resulting forced stay in some not so nice places.
So. . .does it ever get better?
I feel like my entire life has been running from one place to the next just trying to escape my trauma
do you ever get to feel normal?
everyday I have to avoid triggers and deal with flashbacks and it's been years since some of this stuff has happened.
idk sorry for rambling.

The last 3 months have gotten especially bad - before I was I guess “casually” (idk how else to word it) but for months now I’ve been worrying myself. I want help and I want to open up.
But it feels like my mouth and brain won’t let me tell anyone. My partner and my parents have asked directly (I have a good relationship with both and they were both very gentle and sweet when asking) but even though I want to tell them the words won’t come out!
I know it will probably help me in the end and ease their worries because they will at least know what’s going on. Plus I want to feel better - but I just say I’m fine even if I don’t want to say that. There is almost a physical barrier.
Just wondering if anyone else has felt this and if anyone has advice <3 thanks in advance, I hope everyone is doing the best they can <3

I’m gonna keep it short. Honestly because I’m so heartbroken. I can’t even type much. Long story short, I give him a chance after returning after eight months of silence. I find out he’s been living overseas, he claimed at the time that it was for work and business. It was for the family. We had been back together for five months.
We got in an argument because I was saying how I was overwhelmed doing this all by myself, he decided to make a joke, and I told him that I didn’t think it was funny, and I didn’t think it was the appropriate time to make a joke? I don’t understand what could possibly be funny about the mother of your child saying she’s overwhelmed, and that your son is acting out and that I am making up for his lack of a father? And that’s when all hell broke loose and the relationship ended with him telling me that he lives overseas because of our past and it’s 100% my fault that he is no longer in our lives as an active parent he basically blows the lid on what he’s been saying for the past five months by saying that he’s actually away because he wants to be. he barely contributes financially and he says that’s completely intentional because I didn’t appreciate it enough. He told me next time I feel overwhelmed I should refer back to these messages saying it’s my fault to remind myself. He blames me 100% for the fact that my child no longer has a dad. he says he would’ve given me everything had we not had so many problems in the past, and that he would’ve loved to give my son a full life and put him in private school and make my life easy, but now he will never do that. It went on and onabout how it’s all my fault and I’m 100% to blame for the stress of being a single mom. He claims I listened to all the idiots around me a.k.a. my family who were warning me about him and he claims that all of them wanted me to be a single mom and it’s my fault.
I don’t really wanna go into the past because it doesn’t matter, it didn’t matter in the last five months. I feel heartbroken, and I feel sad and I feel like it’s unfair. I feel so bad for my son to realize that his dad left him on purpose and feels no sense of accountability and how wrong that is. I’m honestly sitting here and I go through a mixture of emotions, I go through the pain of the one that I loved telling me all these things and then I go through the pain of feeling like it is my fault, and I look at my son, and I feel guilt and then I go into a place where I feel like, but that’s ridiculous… No one could force you to move across the country away from your son, but your own choices. But then I think am I so awful that I drove someone to move away from their own child. I need to put this somewhere because right now I’m sitting here and this happened on Thursday and I still find myself checking my phone and rereading the messages and I don’t know what to tell myself. I just lay in bed and I cry all day I can barely get up to feed myself or my child and that makes me feel awful. I don’t know what to do and I need someone to talk to me
He says I’m going to be a miserable single mom and I’m going to be at the bottom with everyone else. And I’m starting to believe it, I’m starting to believe that my life is never gonna get better and I’m starting to believe that I can’t build a life for my son all by myself. I find myself sitting here and thinking I should’ve just laughed at his crappy joke at a crappy time and then none of this would’ve happened. Since Thursday, it’s been silence, and I have a feeling that it’s always gonna be silence.

I want to commit to ucsc, but my parents are on the fence and I really REALLY need someone to be that final push
Basically, I really wanna go to UCSC for cell molecular biology, but my parents are 110% against it. They really want me to do pre-med and go to UCR (UCR has more pre-med opps ), but I just think UCSC is a better fit for me and my academic career (the more techy side of bio). I've got more info on my situation in another post. That being said, I have told my parents that I am doing the pre-med path in college because thats the only profession (besides computer engineer) that they think is "worthy." I still have an interest in pre-med, but I don't want to "commit my college life/ academics" on trying to become a doctor (mainly cause being a doctor is very expensive, a big commitment, etc).
I know this is extreme and I might be really really weird for asking.... but is there anyone thats doing pre-med at ucsc or a stem major (cog sci, psych, bio, biomed, chemistry etc) that is willing to text my parents about their experience at ucsc (like the good parts of course, but also keeping it real), and prove that ucsc isn't just a "shitty, stoner, hippy college???" My parents are a bit extremist so they might want to do a zoom meeting or call, or visit you at the campus; However, I will try and prevent them from all those options and keep it strictly to texting. Bonus points for giving reasons why going to UCR is a bad idea compared to UCSC (for premed). Literally make up lies I do not care (within reason my parents do fact check most information). I can litearlly guide you through what to say (cause It's probably going to be through text anyways).
I just can't seem to get through with my parents, and I know that they will actually listen to a current ucsc student (EXPSIALLY if your indian/asian, but I genuinely don't care). My parents are really strict indian parents, and this is literally my last ditch effort.
PLEASEEE DM me if your interested. I am willing to pay however I don't have much to offer (like 20-40 bucks in cash im so sorry), and I can't pay through venmo or paypal because I don't have anything like that set up (and im going behind my parents back so I can't really use their accounts). If I do end up going to UCSC, I WILL owe you one... like food, or some cash- literally anything I gotchu.
Please let me know if you've got friends that would be willing as well...
Anyways sorry- I know I sound like a wierdo but anything will help.
This is genuinely my last ditch effort.

I (23) and recently got my first full-time job since graduating college. I so far love my position because it really does align with the dream work-life balance and skills experience that I need to eventually advance my career. My issue is already I've already been prompted to decide if I'd be interested in attending a week-long meet and greet type company-wide event in person. I am a fully remote employee and while I have no problems doing video calls all day with different people for collaboration I have the deepest anxiety about this trip next month. I sort of oversized and said I'd be interested in going (, first-day vibes) but Sametime that week will exhaust me to the extreme.
I really want to set myself off right with this career especially if it's something where I end up working for this company for 3+ years, but similarly, I just feel so rushed into something so extreme to me. Firstly I've never left home alone overnight and I really don't like to go further than an hour away from my home in general and that's with either of my parents. Growing up I did plenty of road trips and have lived across the U.S. but this trip to me has me stressed. Issues for me really include how finicky I am about cleanliness e.g. not having my own bedding, pillows, cleaned room, etc. In the same way that eating habits wide I am very particular about food preparation and cleanliness. (I'll take a good 15 minutes to wash a pot). I am vegan as well and while this company is great they don't exactly seem diverse in the sense of LGBT+ or vegan vibes ( I am both) and the reason I mention this is that I struggle to socialize with people when I am mostly focused on presentation.
I think the week will just be me anxious about my appearance and behaviors and what I say whilst also being surrounded by only strangers and their families and of course the whole routine of even after the events are over I can't go "home" until the end of the week. I really thought I had my anxiety under control, I no longer shake when talking, I don't have sweaty palms ever, etc. But the idea of going over 22 hours away from where I live is horrible.
I'm posting just to sort of share my feelings to maybe be validated but also my concern is that my anxiety is still there but it's sort of molded into something new. I posted in a gay group about how isolated I feel living at home with my parents but like I really want to get in a ltr /- married and move but don't know how to without leaving the comfort of home.
Also is it bad if I say no to going? Like how to word it without the anxiety issue or the cleanliness issue and personal space vibes. I have ideas for it but I don't want to be seen as not a part of the company.
I'm borderline feeling like I can do the socializing at work but after I don't have any energy to talk to literally anyone.

My boyfriend's family and my family had decided to go to a trip together. But unfortunately it got cancelled. Reason being both the mothers were indecisive of where to stay. His mom wanted to stay with their relative while at a layover and mine wanted to stay with our relatives at the destined place.
Earlier it was decided that we would stay with his relatives at the layover but his mom changed the idea and told us to book a hotel instead to which my mom got a little disappointment and chose to stay with her relatives at the vacation spot. Earlier my mom decided to not stay at the relatives since his family was coming and chose a hotel but her decision fluctuated because his mom told my mom to stay in a hotel instead of with them while being at the layover.
His mom also reduced the number of days for the vacation which my mom was okay with until this happened. No wonder i was tossed like a ball here and there when it came to planning. I booked the hotels, cabs and everything only to find out that his mom cancelled the plan after hearing that my mom also chose her relatives to stay. My mom did try to convince her later for continuing the trip but she politely refused.
I expressed my discomfort to him because i was really excited for the trip and us time together and just expressed that i didn't feel good that whatever i planned was taken so lightly by both the moms and needed some reassurance but got none and he hasn't properly talked to me since 6 days or so. Has just left me hanging and keeps my messages on seen. He does pick up my call and doesn't have that usual soft tone and hangs up after a minute or so without saying i love yous which was his usual.
Is it possible that his parents told him not to keep terms with me anymore? Although there's no fault of mine here. He has been stressed due to work and stuff but idk why he is avoiding me.
I need valuable opinions over the same.
Tldr - Boyfriend is ignoring me since the trip got cancelled between both the families.
UPDATE 🚨
So my mom again tried to connect with his, so as to mend things being elders but she (his mom) again excused herself by saying that "There are too many relatives at their home". My mom again proposed that we can have a small outing nearby to which she was yet again neutral.
Bf is still being avoidant. Did not call or message even once and i still wonder if all of this is induced by his mother.
All of it is giving me anxiety because it looks like a troubled family to me.

Before I was born, my mum was told that I would be psychic. (I didn't know she was told this until last week) Nothing really happened when I was younger, but over the years I've started to notice things. They're all related to dreams which is interesting.
Last year I had a dream that my dog (who lived with my parents and not me) passed away and that I found out while I was at work. I woke up crying feeling extremely sad. I tried to calm down, told myself that it was just a dream, and went to work. Later that day while I was at work my dog passed away, just like in my dream.
Last week I had a dream that I was at work and an old coworker who I never see came to visit at lunch. The next day at lunch he came to visit.
Probably not related but I occasionally get sleep paralysis and it's freaky. Im asleep, yet I can see my entire room. Most of the time it feels like someone is poking/tickling me or sitting on me, but sometimes I hear noises too. 🥲
Last week my mum and I met a medium. I didn't tell him anything about myself. He mentioned my dog and said that he says thank you for all that I did for him 😭 He also said that I have a gift and that I need to start developing it. He says I can see through people. Not 100% sure what he meant by that. The only psychic experiences I recall having are to do with my dreams so idk. It was busy and I didn't have time to ask for clarification.
Anyways, I'd love to explore this more but I have no idea where to even start.
The only thing I currently do is tarot. I've just been reading for myself every now and then. I need lots more practice though.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading 💖
(Ps. Ignore the weird username this is my throwaway account)

When putting my two year old to sleep, I'll rock him to sleep for a bit after doing his routine, but some nights he fights sleep and I don't want to rock him for 30 minutes / think he needs to learn the art of falling asleep independently to rocking. So, i'll lay in his bed with him or next to his toddler bed on the floor if he doesn't seem tired enough to stay there alone. Often times he will just get up and try to play or freak out if we leave before he is asleep.
He will be falling asleep and then all of a sudden get a random gusto of wildness and start crawling all over me like it's a game. If I get up, he then wants to play or be picked up. So, I try to not engage and say, "time for sleep sleep." He then will either bite me or crawl over my head and I have long big curly hair and he steps on it or falls on it. I can't exactly put my hair in a hair tie because it's very thick afro hair, but if I try to pull it back, he still manages to step on or pull the poof. It drives me INSANE. Not only is it painful to have my hair stepped, pulled and to be bit, but it upsets me to hear my hair snapping and ripping. My child is the love of my life and it's just hair, but It's taken me a long time to grow my hair out and it makes me angry to have it being destroyed.
I say "gentle hands" or "we don't do that." But he thinks it's a joke and when I remove myself from being next to him, he thinks it's a game and since it's bed time, I do not feel comfortable leaving him alone in his room with the door shut as punishment and not do I want him to now be moving from spot to spot riling him up. I don't want to reward him for biting me but picking him up. I have a fear of being too aggressive because my parents were aggressive to the point of abuse. Is it okay to firmly grab his hands and firmly say" DO NOT!" It just feels threatening to me / domineerinb. I know he doesn't even understand that he is pulling my hair or hurting me. I say "ouch!" And I do regretfully sometimes get loud and go "AHHHH!" When I'm at my wits end and I'm sure it may scare or upset him, but he seems more just confused when this happens.
He just proceeds to be insane when it's bed time randomly. We will do his routine, read him his books, things seems fine and almost asleep and then BAM, he gets this isane burst of wild energy and becomes extremely annoyingly playful; crawling all over you and crawling out of his bed, ect.
Sigh. If his bed time is at 8, I've tried starting his routine an hour earlier, spending more time reading books and winding down, but he still randomly gets wild. When we put him down closer to his bed time, if he doesn't go down, now it pushes him into overtired crazy baby and that horrible too.
My point is, bedtime can be so rough *literally" and I'm dreading it every time it's my turn and I don't love that for myself or my son. I feel guilty for being domineering and don't know how to approach this situation without being reactive.

This was my 2nd drop and I'm scoring only 356. also i was prepared and scoring pretty well in the mocks. Thought I'll persue something else even if i get 500+ but now idk what to do. I've failed. I'm too scared that i could not tell my parents about my marks n told them that i did well but now thry r thinking that I'll score 500+ and want me to try for veterinary and when they say me this, i go completely blank. Idk what to do, how to face them i am unable to say them my real marks. I know that I've become a clown but i really want suggestions for what career can i opt with this marks n what should i do now, i don't have the courage now to go to them n tell all this.

I saw your post today, how much you want to get married and find the right man. Lagi mong sinasabi ang tanda mo na, gusto mo na magpakasal at magsimula ng pamilya, gusto mo na ng matinong lalaki and find the right man to settle with.
Maybe because you always choose to provide rather than be selfish enough like these people would say na unahin yung sarili bago yung pamilya. Kasi, ate, I know na kami lagi yung inuuna mo.
Nakikita ko yung pursigi mo sa pagtatrabaho na kahit may sakit ka na, nilalagnat at sinisipon, hataw lang sa meetings at pagtitig sa screen at keyboard mo. Nakikita ko rin kung pano mo gustong makaahon tayo sa buhay, quitting was never a choice to you kasi guguho ang pamilya natin if you don't push through. Pinag-aral mo kaming lahat, through these years, sayo nanggaling lahat ng pinagkukuhanan namin pangaraw-araw.
You never had the opportunity to look for love kasi lagi mong sinasabi sakin, "aanhin ko yun? magtapos ka muna." You've spent your younger years working, inuna mo kaming lahat kasi bilang ate, may pangarap ka saming magkakapatid. Kahit kailan hindi ka nanumbat, hindi mo kaming pinagsalitaan ng masama kapag may mga pagkakataon na nagkakamali kami sa mga desisyon namin sa buhay, kibot balikat mo nalang sasabihin na, "Ayusin mo na sa susunod."
You always enjoy giving love to our parents, binibili mo lahat ng hilingin nila.
You were hurt once by our brother. Matigas rin naman kasi talaga yung ulo nun kahit sa simula. Pero time healed you and andun ka pa rin bilang kapatid nya na hindi nagkulang dahil alam kong mahal na mahal mo kaming lahat.
You've spent your whole life supporting our family when you could have easily just walked away like everybody else did. But you didn't. You chose us.
And if I could only give you my youth, for you to find love, I would gladly give you all my years.
I owe it all to you, Ate.

I just want to get a normal job and be a regular adult, but my parents always say I’m too disabled for it. I’m almost 24. Should I just call social security and ask them what to do? Should I sneak apply to jobs without telling my parents and hopefully I’ll be hired?

I've got 89%ile in jee (i belong to general category, female) though not tier 1 college I have got into pretty good colleges, but my parents are not allowing me to move there . How do I convince them?
I'm from Karnataka , mysore , the colleges i have got in are in the North , I have not written Kcet on hopes of getting into NIT surathkal (i know it's my mistake) but even though i have not qualified into advance , i can get into pretty good colleges but most of them are in north india , so my parents don't want send me there , i understand why , but i do not want to give up my opportunities due to that , if safety is the problem i can go to colleges either in Dehradun or in Ahmedabad , surat or pune , I can't get into colleges in the South since most of them take admission by their own common entrance test but i have not written them. and of course i'm gonna be in a hostel not a flat or anything like that.
Now my parents are berating me everyday saying that i'm useless cause i couldn't get into at least NIT surathkal, but if i say with my percentile i can get into pretty good colleges , they say it won't matter cause they are not in karnataka.
i'm depressed help, i can't listen to them calling me useless everyday and are asking me to get into a tier 3 college cause they can't afford the fee here for tier 1 and i don't want my hardwork to be thrown to a trash dump