I like to learn while I read. Sometimes I’ll read a fic and had no idea that Things Could Be Like That, and I’m just floored, thinking about it for days, googling and crying. As I haven’t the best memory, I might have forgotten some, and I might add more later. Everything is rated E or M because I only read the slick and sloppy.

THE LIST

1: For Loving One (AU) - World War II has never really interested me, and I didn’t know much about what it was like to be queer back then. I just assumed almost everyone was out to get you (and I wasn’t wrong), but I just didn’t have any reference material. Now I do, as it’s clear the author knows a lot about this topic. This is a beautiful story, well researched, with just enough happy and just enough angst. I’ve learned a lot, entirely without meaning to.
2: Epistolary - one of my favorite tropes, which is Crowley finding and reading Aziraphale’s diary and stumbling upon very private thoughts and YearningTM throughout history. There are plagues, there are Aztec ritual sacrifices, there’s a long-haired, sleeping Crowley in a cave and Aziraphale losing his mind yearning over (literally over) said sleeping Crowley.
3: exodus2 (AU) - Ezra (ambitious and lonely) and Crowley (very eager), programming students in their early 20s, meet at university in a totalitarian European state, and both have an interest in banned media and causing some trouble. You’ll learn some Hebrew, some Yiddish and Scandinavian - and how to start an insurrection against the State. And, there are (banned) book recommendations!
4: A Godawful Small Affair - What if Vince Taylor wasn’t Bowie’s inspiration for Ziggy Stardust? A fic that placed me firmly in a music scene I’ve never immersed myself in, in a decade I somehow skipped over. Yes, I know, I’m weird - but I’ve learned a lot! It’s sweet and it really feels probable.
5: Rough Enough for Love (AU) - As an AFAB person, I’ve learned so much about… uh, the subjective intricacies of AMAB anatomy. Also, it’s nice to skip the yearning sometimes and just read them having their cake and eating it too.
6: The False and the Fair (AU) - I knew nothing about West Virginia, nor about coal mining. It has all the feels and if this was about anyone other than the ineffables I wouldn’t have read it and I would have missed out. I’ve learned so much about a society and a setting so far from everything I thought I was interested in. Don’t miss out!
7: A Gift of Words - Okay, it’s not slick and sloppy - but VERY sweet, and I learned a lot about Gutenberg and the printing press. Crowley changes the world for his angel, by giving him (arguably) his most favorite thing.
8: Old Vines (AU) - Aziraphale is a wine&food blogger and Crowley produces extraordinary wine in his viny vineyard/heart that he doesn’t let anyone into. People go crazy over this one. I’m sure I will, too (on the plane, later). I will learn a LOT about wine, I’m told.
9: I Believe I am Owed a Toss - if you’re looking to learn how to properly entice a member of the members only-club, then read this.
10: Coming into Focus (AU) - “It is the summer of 1864, and Aziraphale is an itinerant photographer set up behind Union lines outside Petersburg, Virginia. He’s no stranger to pleasure, but he has always protected his heart. But when the redheaded colonel of the 5th New Jersey walks into his tent, he begins to wonder whether it’s time to rethink his stance on love.” Haven’t read it yet, but I’m gonna!
4: What Hath God Wrought (AU) - “Do you remember, my darling, the early days when there were just fingers and air and sounds – a rhythmic beeping in the day, a frantic answer in the night? The orange glow of lamps. Coding and decoding. Choosing the words carefully, never too many, but always enough.” Yearning over telegraphs! Can’t wait to read this one. Artwork HERE.
Let me know if YOU wrote a fic in which you teach the reader about something you have special knowledge of! I’d like to read, learn and link to it here!

Hey ya’ll!
40/M/5’11” here on my second bout of intermittent. I have/had put on a bunch of weight since my 37th birthday and found myself at 236 lbs up from 191. In 21’ I took a job that involved sitting 64 hours a week instead of standing and moving quickly all day for 40 as I had been for over 10 years. (HUGE factor, I’m convinced)
Last year, I shed it ALL with fasting, planning meal times more effectively, switching from beer and bourbon to red wine, and just walking a few extra miles every day. THEN my wedding/honeymoon happened and I broke my pattern gaining literally all of it back within the last 9 months.
Fast forward to the beginning of this month. I committed to getting back on the horse and started with a 72 hour fast. Since, I’ve switched to 22 hour fasting, skipping all meals every third day. I’ve kept my meal window between 5-7 pm, been eating carb-free for the most part (most days I have 3-6 oz of chicken or beef as a meal) and am on the final day of a 14-day colon cleanse (I’ve never done one before) beyond that, I’ve resumed the action plan I used successfully last year with everything else.
I’m finally seeing some progress this morning weighing in at 218. I went heavy on the veggies and greenery last time but had heard of a lot of people having luck with the “pure protein” diet so I’m giving that a shot.
I have some concerns about not having enough electrolytes in my system but I’ll drink a few oz of Gatorade every few days just to make sure I’m getting something.
I feel great, physically and motivationally. I know the big challenge for me is going to be keeping the weight off, so I’m brainstorming on what I should continue/modify/cease when I hit my goal. Obviously, portion control is huge.. meal timing is huge. (I don’t eat within a two hour window of drinking alcohol pretty much ever)
I really want to see my wife look at me the way she used to when I was 191 with abs 😆🙏 🤫
Does anyone have any tips/things they might be able to throw out there? Good luck and good job to everyone else on this wild ride they call pursuing better health! 🫡

Bud be gone 16 years later this month. Don’t hardly seem possible. Still remember him as if I just saw and spoke to him yesterday. The way of it. Miss him a lot, and so does Momma. Also the way of it. Get to thinking about him a lot this time each year.
Not as raw and brutal as it used to be. Had some dark days for both of us for quite a while. Again, the way of it. But acceptance comes eventually, when there’s no other choice.
I try to console myself that he lived life large in the 21 years he had - didn’t waste ‘em. Got to see and do places and things that comparatively few do. Was involved in things he felt were important.
I loved him dearly, and was admiring and proud of the man he’d become. And I told him so quite often. Advice from someone who’d not always as bright as he might be, but who nevertheless understands some basic things: say what Should be said when you have the chance. The words are important, even if they already know. Don’t, and the day might come when it’s now too late to.
He was the wild one of our brood - seems like every family has one. Not troublesome in any way for Momma and me. He asked me a serious question once, when he was 16: “Dad, you and Mom hardly ever whipped us when we were kids. How come?”
And my answer a simple one: “We didn’t need to. You were good kids.” He’d thought that over, and nodded his acceptance.
A disciplinary problem aboard his ship sometimes, though, and this didn’t surprise either of us. A different world with different rules. And he never accepted insult from anyone from the time he was small - just not in his nature. Push, and he’d push back.
But by every account we heard, very serious and disciplined when it came to his job. This didn’t surprise us, either. His primary rating Firefighter aboard ship, he’d often complain that the training wasn’t Realistic enough. To the extent that a superior had remarked once in exasperation: “Well, we can’t set the damn ship on fire for you, Bud!”
Well-known and liked throughout the crew, he was something of a minor legend among them. Famous (or infamous - take your pick) for the situations he got himself into to the point that after a while, anyone in trouble beyond the usual was referred to as having “Pulled a Bud.”
Fighting several members of Shore Patrol on one memorable occasion: “It took six of ‘em to get him under control and back to the ship, Mr. OP.” A friend.
With several members of the local PD on an even more memorable one, when he took offense at the treatment of a shipmate.
He’d paid for that one on the way to and at the station. Being thrown headlong down a set of cement stairs with his hands still cuffed behind his back he figured he’d had coming. Ditto with then being picked up and rammed headfirst into a cinder block wall.
Being stripped naked, tossed in a cell, and having a fire hose turned on him every hour on the hour all night he’d objected to: “That shit was Cold, Pop! And it was fucking unnecessary! I catch any of ‘em out alone, I got somethin’ for their ass!”
“You gotta stop this shit, Bud.”
“……Sigh…I know. Do me a favor - don’t tell Mom?”
“I don’t intend to.”
“……Pop?”
“Yeah?”
“Captain says the same thing. Says this is my last chance…….Why’s he giving me another chance, after all the trouble I’ve caused?”
“Because he sees something in you he wants to keep - something of value to the ship. You can be counted on to do your job, no matter what. That carries a lot of weight in the civilian world - more so in the military.”
“…..You think so?”
“I know so.”
One of the last conversations, and over the phone, we’d ever have.
An old Chief remarked to us: “Bud was a throwback. He reminded me of the fighting Sailors of my own youth. I hadn’t met another quite like him in a good many years. He’ll be missed.”
His Captain remarked to me: “He turned it around, Mr. OP. It was as if he made a decision. There wasn’t another single incident of insubordination or anything else. In all my years of service, I’ve never seen anyone do so complete a 180. He’d made his mind up, and that was that. But I guess I don’t have to tell you that. He was actually due for promotion. Did you know that?”
I had. Bud had told me he’d studied for and passed the test. Perfect score, or near enough. He’d broken his hand at the time. A timed test, and his writing hand, he’d been afraid the cast would slow him down too much, so he’d cut it off and gone to get it redone afterward.
Last time I spoke to him, he had some shipmates were in Galveston during Mardi Gras. Out on the promenade. Sounds of revelry in the background. Shakedown cruise in preparation for another deployment.
Presently, to his impatient shipmates: “Just give me a damn minute, all right?! Listen, I guess I better go. Love you, Pop. And tell Mom that for me when she gets home, ok?”
“I will. Love you, too, Bud.”
Good last words to remember, I guess.
All through the days and nights we’d spent in the hospital, waiting, and hoping against hope, Momma and I hadn’t been alone. My brothers were there with us, having driven in from out of state. My sister. Mother.
And his crew. Day and night, young men and women waiting with us in great numbers. Lying sleeping on the floor against the walls lining the corridors, when all other spaces had been taken. None of the hospital staff asking them to leave.
Ship’s Officers and senior Enlisted spending as much time there as presentations for deployment would permit. Checking in in person with us and hospital staff about his condition at least once a day.
And nearly all of them with a story or two to tell about Bud. Many of them funny. For that was who he was, too. He could always make people laugh. Someone being down in his presence he couldn’t abide, and he always knew how to fix that.
It was as if they Needed to. And that Momma and I understood, as well. We’d known him all his life, and we could see that they knew him, too. So we were patient, and we listened.
The day finally came when we were told there was no longer any hope at all. He’d never regained consciousness, and now there was no more brain activity at all. He was gone.
His XO was there with us when we were told, and that large, strong man wept bitterly and unashamedly. I think that probably doesn’t happen often.
Momma and I were alone the next day, in a seated waiting area next to the elevators. Waiting, just the two of us, not speaking much. Everyone had given us that space to ourselves. Sensed that we needed it, I suppose.
The first man arriving with a refrigerated transport case arrived, and took the elevator down. He seemed in a hurry. A man who desperately needed Bud’s strong heart was waiting, and time was of the essence.
Momma and I watched the doors close behind him. Then we both got up, and hand in hand, walked away. It was finished now. The book of his life was closed, though in a sense it never would be.
A few months previous, he’d registered as an organ donor. His choice.
His heart went to a 31-yr-old man in need of a new one.
A young woman in North Dakota sees through his eyes.
Many others were helped, as well. His parting gifts.
Talking to the coordinator of the donor program at the hospital at a later date, I was informed that the man’s new heart was functioning perfectly. He had, in fact, been going to the gym and hitting the weights. Something he’d had no interest in before.
“Lifting and bodybuilding were some of Bud’s passions” I replied.
“I’ve been doing this for a long time” the man had replied in kind. “And you’d be astonished at how many times something like that happens; the recipient unknowingly taking on attributes of the donor. No one can explain it.”

31F. Been in a total of 3 serious relationships. First one was when I was 21 with a guy 6 years my senior. A “devout Christian” who cheated on me repeatedly, kept our entire relationship a secret, and was hooking up with his ex behind my back. The betrayal and gaslighting from that relationship messes with me to this day. My second relationship was the most serious. I moved interstate for him, we got dogs together, got engaged, wanted to start a family etc. He broke up with me suddenly because he decided I wouldn’t be a good wife and mother of our child (ouch) and ended up with one of his female coworkers. My third (and current) relationship I feel constantly on eggshells waiting for him to up and leave. He has a lot of anger issues and calls me names when he gets set off (a f*ckwit, a head case, a gronk are the most recent ones). He’s told me he can’t imagine marrying me because of how insecure I am. But despite seemingly hating me so much, he won’t leave.
I’m a victim of quite bad childhood abuse and neglect. My mother abused the hell out of me until she ended up taking her own life when I was 24. I obviously have very bad abandonment issues as a result and I believe this has a lot to do with the relationships I end up in.
I know I have my issues, but I work extremely hard to be a good woman. I’ve been to so much therapy, I’ve worked my ass off to get multiple degrees, I’m in a high position in nursing, I always try to be kind to people, I am very devoted to self-care and looking after myself. I have had periods of being single to heal and move on, and I know what I have to offer. Yet I constantly end up in these situations time and time again. Before the “you are the common denominator here” comments; anyone who is around my age and has been single knows how hard it is to find genuine, loyal people who believe in love and want to communicate and grow together. The dating pool is rough. And someone who is perfect on paper can change. People lie about who they are in the beginning and end up showing their true colours way down the track. Once you love someone, it’s very hard to let go.
I’ve been a hopeless romantic my whole life and, despite being burnt and betrayed over and over, my heart still craves love and believes in “the one”. I see everyone around me starting families and getting married and I want that so bad. I want someone to love me as hard as I love. I’m always the one who loves too much. Is it even possible to meet a man who can meet me on my level, or is it too late for me? My partner told me this morning if I was ever single again, I’d be too old and no one would be interested in me anymore. That men only want girls in their 20s.
I just want to be loved.

In those moments when encouragement feels scarce, let me be the one to say: I'm proud of you for your caring heart. It takes guts to keep loving deeply, especially in a world where genuine connections can feel rare. In a time when love often seems superficial, your courage to believe in something real stands out.
I get it, love hasn't always been kind to you. It's tough to keep giving when you've been hurt. But your heart, it's something special. You see the good in people, even when they don't always see it in themselves. That's a rare gift. You make others feel valued and loved, just as they are.
We need more folks like you, who aren't afraid to care deeply in a world that sometimes feels cold. Your journey to heal and grow isn't easy, but every step forward shows your strength and determination. Keep believing in yourself, because you're making a difference, even when it feels like you're just taking it one day at a time.
I'm proud of the person you are today and the person you're growing into. And you should be proud of yourself too.

I asked for advice here a couple days ago, ended up playing €2/4 at Club Pierre Charron on Saturday night, here's an update for those interested.
In for €500 out for €1,007.
List was at least an hour long, seated about 11.30pm, played through till 5ish when my table broke and I had to rush off to get my wife for the flight anyway.
I got down to €270ish in the first 30 mins betting a draw which missed, was called down by QT on a Q high board. Can't remember specifics, was a bit drunk here.
Showed 3-4 other blufs when I took down a pot, sobered up, got drunk again, cashed out for the €1007.
Card room is clean, well run, seemed to be mostly solid regs. Obviously French speaking which caused me a few mistakes, but the dealers helped when they realised I couldn't keep up with the verbal action.
Valets are hopeless, and 6% uncapped rake is a bitch. Overall, meh, but I'll go again when I'm drunk in Paris.

Backstory: this was after I told her in person I was upset the night prior because I came home after work to a mess to me but not to her and she said I was being negative yet again and it wasn’t a big deal.
Me: it’s hard when I bring up a problem and you make me question my own character. I don’t want perfect I appreciate u and value u more than u will ever know…..
Her: our communication is poor. Cause honestly I hear u and I’m trying but I’m also trying to have a voice
Me: It doesn’t feel like u hear me when ur actions don’t change. We just had a family meeting about it. And as much as I want a change I still want u to stay true to yourself too but what can I do to support you better to get those things done
Her: I do clean and do a lot for you too
Me: everywhere you go u leave a trail behind you. The cat water bowl needs water in it every single day. And it’s not that I mind doing it. It’s that it’s a little thing that means the world to me. To show me you do care. The socks, the sheet, the tp roll, clippers left out no one puts things back ever. It’s so many things
Her: some things r blown out of proportion like I get it ur love language is acts of service!!!!!! And I try I really do . Baby I’m sorry idk how to make u happy
Me: yea you do. Never in my life have I been allowed to be weak or carefree. I always hold up the biggest responsibility on behalf of those who can’t. I never allow myself a weak moment bc someone has to stay strong. Honestly I think that’s why I’ve been crying so much behind closed doors
Her: So what can I do and please don’t say clean. Cause I’m breaking down too.
Me: And i feel like an ungrateful selfish little shit I mean you do remind me of that all the time I bring something up. And talking like this back and forth to each other saying negative things at all doesn’t make you change or do better it just hurts you. You ask me what can I do at home, what do I clean? ……. Do I have to ask ? Just pick up after urself. Ur sitting there for hours after work watching tv but don’t look around u for 2 seconds before going to bed to see if the cats have water…. I don’t know why I have to ask for that.
Her: Ok but can u try and understand that im not as OCD as u r so what u think is messy isn’t really to me and I do want to do better for u but sometimes I feel like im just nasty to u. Idk anything I say is wrong.
Me: I get that and that’s the communication part… cause I don’t mean clean like that I just mean maintain. How many days should a sheet be on our couch before it needs changed? When there’s stains spills and a load of fur on it , no because no one will do that but me.
Her: ok but u notice stuff like that and if u tell me I’ll do it. That’s not a big deal to just tell me
Me: so what am I meant to make a list and literally tell you when something needs done is it rlly that hard to notice it? I feel like what I ask for is as basic as possible and it’s just a bad habit. You sit there all night.
Her: what’s wrong with relaxing in my own home? I guess I’m the nastiest person you been with. You have to tell me these things is that hard?
Me: how many more times in this life am I gonna have to ask for u to pick dirty clothes where it goes knowing it bothers me?
Her: I literally want to shut the F down. I can’t catch a break.
Me: and u wonder why I joke and get passive aggressive with it…. Doesn’t matter what way I say it at least that way makes me smile
Her: Y can’t u just say I’m not enough for u. U always say slick shit and I genuinely want to be better for u but honestly don’t ever think I can be. No matter what, I won’t live up to ur expectations.
Me: I think my expectations are reasonable. I’m not gonna cry if there’s a crumb on the floor. U think my expectations are in another planet but it’s not even like that it’s so basic it’s ridiculous. The TP roll…. Come on it’s that freaking hard?
Her: I’m done. I’m not a toddler
Me: well stop acting like one then
Her: okay keep pushing me away. TP really? If not that it’s something else.
Me: you act like your incapable of putting the tp on the roll incapable of putting something away that u took out … incapable of putting ur sock one more foot away where its supposed to go ITS JUST A BAD HABIT I DEAL WITH EVERY DAY I PICK IT UP EVERYYY DAY
Her: just admit it I’ll never make you happy. God forbid you have a bad habit. U wanna know what. Tearing your wife down.
Me: yeah it’s a bad habit, at least I can admit my wrongs
Her: wow
Me: Yeah let’s go over all the things I tore u down about this month. First it was the drinking then it was the stranger u brought in our house, then it was the sex, now it’s responsibility at home.
Her: how bout ur F ing wife struggling at her job and F ing struggling and ur worried about TP
me: because every day for years it’s my responsibility to carry and it’s that amongst the 100 other things I pick up after you and sometimes I want that weak moment and not care about it but I do cause it’s always there waiting for me to put it back together
Her: leave me alone
Me: ok leave me alone too. Ur struggling about work and im struggling about our life!
Her: we need therapy or we need to separate I’m tired of trying so hard to be told I’m not good enough
Me: and whose responsibility is it to find therapy? Cus if it’s not me it won’t happen. I’m just tired of all the responsibility right now. That’s all im trying to say and it’s not the first time I’ve ever mentioned it.

My wife (30F) was recently diagnosed with two large posterior intramural fibroids, the largest measuring 7 cm. Her doctors have recommended a Myomectomy using laparoscopic robotic surgery. However, they warned that there is a risk of needing to remove her uterus during the procedure, which would mean we could never have children.
A bit about her: she has been undergoing treatment for chronic depression for the past two years. She loves kids and has always wanted to have them. After hearing the doctor’s news, she is devastated and hasn't spoken since last night.
I have scheduled meetings with few other reputed doctors in the city in next few days. Planning to fly overseas for surgery. But meanwhile, can anyone tell me about the possibility of pregnancy after this type of surgery and its success rate. If anyone has had similar experiences, I would greatly appreciate your insights. I want to provide her with some factual information to help her feel more at ease. Thank you.

Below you will find a weekly reminder of our Rules and partial FAQ. It's definitely a long read, but it's worth your time, especially if you are new to the community, or dropping by as a result of a link you found elsewhere. We periodically revise our rules, this weekly notice will help keep you informed of any changes made.
NOTE: These rules are guidelines. Some moderation discretion is to be expected.

Community Rules

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• Adhere to the same standards of behavior online that you follow in real life.
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• The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
• We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
• The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.

13. Ban Procedure

These actions are at moderator discretion.

• Pornography will result in an automatic permanent ban.
• Extremely egregious content will result in an immediate permanent ban.
• You may receive a 7 or 30 day temporary ban for first and second rule violations, depending upon severity.
• Continued rule violations will result in a permanent ban.
• Willful attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban.
• We recognize the reddit site-wide rules of using alt names to get around bans and will ban those as well as report them to reddit admins.

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FAQ - About the Rules

What does Kindness Matters mean?

• Shortest version? Don't be an asshole. People come here for support and advice, they do not come here to be yelled at or told they are the reason everything is going sideways. There are ways to point out that someone may want to do some reflection on their own actions and reactions without being an asshole about it.
• The purpose of this subreddit is to provide support and a sense of belonging for struggling stepparents. We aren't here to pass judgement, but rather to offer support, empathy, and constructive commentary. That does not include "hard truths" or "tough love." Stepparents get enough of that in every other subreddit, we're not passing it out here. Be respectful.
• Remember, most people aren't going to come to a sub like this when everything is going great and everyone is getting along. People are coming here when they are down, when they are feeling defeated and stretched to the limit. Kicking someone when they are down is shitty behavior and we don't tolerate it.

What about being kind to the kids?

• "Won't somebody think of the children?" Pearl clutching isn't needed here. If you read the Kindness Matters rule closely, you will see that there is a clause in there about name calling children. We don't allow it. We also don't allow people rolling in telling OP that they feel sorry for their stepkids because OP is feeling overwhelmed and overloaded.
• If anyone is advocating slapping, spanking, or any other form of violence, report the comment immediately. We do not advocate violence towards children of any sort. The mod team does not advocate any sort of physical punishment at any time.
• Venting about behaviors is not the same as insulting the kids. However, if you see a post or comment where kids are being name called or dragged to the point of no return, use the report button. We try to catch the posts and remove them before they hit the sub, but we cannot see every comment without your help. Use the report button to bring problematic comments to our attention. Don't engage in a war of words on our subreddit.

Why is this sub such an echo chamber?

• Not allowing contributors to pile on and tell OP that they are a terrible human being who should never be around children does not equate to being an echo chamber. Many contributors here will offer OP suggestions to help them work through their resentments and frustrations, and the most egregious situations are called out. We simply ask that it be called out with respect.
• If you feel that a post is simply too much for you to handle without following the rules, move on to another post.
• If you believe that a post itself is crossing the rules report it. If the mod team has approved the post, it is because the mod team believes that the OP needs help from the community or needs a moment to vent and move on from their vent. That does not give you license to pile on disrespectfully. Unless it is proven that OP is a bot, assume that OP is a human being with real thoughts and feelings and has posted from a place of vulnerability.

Why can't I tell OP that they are an asshole?

• Because this isn't a judgement sub. We aren't AITA, we don't want to be AITA.
• Comments with terms like YTA, NTA, ESH, NAH will be removed.
• Don't start your posts with INFO either. We generally recognize that as a fishing attempt for more information to pass judgement on OP, and again, we are not a judgment sub.

But OP asked if they were an asshole?!

• Their post somehow got past our automoderator. Just use the report button. We will address it with OP.
• If you've asked if you are an asshole, a-hole, a*hole, a**hole, whatever, don't be surprised if your post is removed without warning. This isn't a judgment sub. If you want judgment, you know where to go.

What is a gendered slur?

• While it seems that everyone understands what racist slurs are, people struggle understanding the concept of gendered slurs. Generally speaking, we are talking about derogatory nouns or verbs that are used to negatively describe people or situations based on gendered terms.
• We've gone back and forth on this a few times, and the truth is, we get it, it's your safe space and you want to be able to vent about BM/BD how you want to vent about them, without us telling you how to vent about them. Fair enough. Vent away. What we are going to stick to here how people are referring to other users and to stepchildren.
• Examples that are not allowed:
  • "My SD is such a little bitch."
  • "She dresses/acts like a slut."
  • "My SS acts like a pussy."
  • "My SS is such a beta male."
  • "You are all fucking whores."
  • "Any dude who is raising some sluts kids is a cuck!"
  • "Little Lord Fauntleroy over here thinking he runs the house!"
  • "You're just the bangnanny, get used to it."
• Don't call users here names, don't call stepchildren names.
• Masking the term with asterisks or other neat little tricks might get you around the bot, but if we see it, we're removing it and quite possibly giving you a time out. The intended word is still there and you deliberately tried to skate the rule.
• As there is not enough space to list every term that is offensive and does not belong, nor every situation in which term or phrase may be allowable in context, this rule is enforced based on moderator discretion.

Seriously? You are the language police now?

• We're here to talk about stepparenting. And we would like for that to happen in a respectful way. Attacking each other doesn't help. Belittling stepchildren draws in trolls who don't understand your frustration, all they see is an evil stepmonster talking shit on the internet about a poor, innocent baby. Yes, even if that "poor, innocent baby" just robbed you blind and set fire to the house on their way out the door. That's just how it goes.
• We are aware that this is a relatively new rule and a lot of older posts and comments contain a lot of problematic language, including some from mods themselves. We are growing and evolving, and rules change as the sub grows and evolves.

What does No Drama really mean?

• Pretty much what it says, do not bring drama from other subs into this sub. Do not engage in vote brigades. Do not try to incite other subscribers to riot in a different sub. Don't follow posters into this sub from other subs to continue to harass them. Do not badger someone or derail threads. Do not harass community members because you don't agree with them. There's enough drama in the daily lives of subscribers, more isn't needed.

What is thread derailment?

• When a comment chain has devolved to the point where all you are doing is arguing back and forth with someone about the same thing over and over again, you have derailed the thread. Also known as bickering. It's what children do. We assume if people are in a stepparent role they are adults. We expect you to act like it.
• If you aren't a stepparent, or in a stepparenting role, consider that perhaps this subreddit isn't for you. If you want to participate, do so with respect. Thread derailment, arguing, bickering, and nitpicking are not allowed.

But what if they didn't answer my question?

• No one has to answer your questions. This is a support sub, not an inquisition. Jumping on a bandwagon with "OP is evading the question" in a 20 comment long chain is the epitome of thread derailment. You'll find more information about trolling below and how this might be considered such.

Why am I being silenced? I'm just asking for a back and forth!

• Thread derailment, badgering, and nitpicking are considered harassment. Continued harassment of either community members or mods will get you banned.

Why can't I look at someone's post history and comment about it?

• No mod in the history of this sub has ever once said post histories are forbidden. What we do frown upon is using someone's post history to attack, belittle, or otherwise harass someone.
• Example Post: "My stepkid's mom really hates me. How can I make this better?"
  • Okay: "Based on the timeline and your post history, it looks like this may have started as an affair. Unfortunately there's going to be outstanding issues for a long time due to that. Try focusing on yourself and how you can move forward without worrying about how someone else feels about you."
  • Not Okay: "Holy shit! You were the OW! What the hell do you expect, homewrecker?!"
• Example Post: "I am completely overloaded and feeling very down about myself."
  • Okay: "In your post history you mentioned that your spouse wasn't really helping around the house. Has that changed at all?"
  • Not Okay: "LOL, you already got the answers you need in your post on relationships. You are stupid for sticking with your lazy spouse."

Why can't we crosspost stuff to other subs?

• We can't stop you from doing so. The problem isn't that something has been crossposted, it's when the community that it's been crossposted to feels the need to come over here and harass OP. When we see that happening, we lock the post and start passing out bans. If you did the crossposting, you'll be banned. If you participated in the brigading, you'll be banned.

What if it's my own post?

• Again, we can't stop you from doing so. We prefer that you don't technically crosspost, but rather just copy and paste your post. Why? Because inevitably the above will happen. Redditors from other subs will follow you back to /stepparents and start attacking users here. It just happens.

What is "brigading"?

• Reddit defines vote manipulation and brigading as follows:
• Using multiple accounts, voting services, or any other software to increase or decrease vote scores.
• Asking people to vote up or down certain posts, either on Reddit itself or through social networks, messaging, etc. for personal gain.
• Forming or joining a group that votes together, either on a specific post, a user's posts, posts from a domain, etc.
• We, along with pretty much every other subreddit that has ever had to deal with this nonsense, further define brigading as this: You saw a post on another sub that linked to our sub either via a link in a comment or a crosspost. It was basically saying something along the lines of "OMG, check out these assholes over on /stepparents! They literally hate all their stepkids!" And then you and your friends come over and start hammering on OP and telling OP how much they suck. Congrats, you have just participated in a brigade.

What is this whole Report, Don't Rant thing about?

• If you see a post or comment that breaks the rules, instead of engaging, report it. When you report it, it sends notification to the mod team. We will act on it where appropriate. Engaging with bad faith users may result in your comments being removed. If you repeatedly do so, you may end up being banned.

What if I see an obvious troll?

• Report it.

What if they are being really mean in comments?

• Report it.

What if they are harassing me in private messages?

• Step 1: Report them to admins. You can report harassment to reddit by using this link or send a DM to reddit admins. Include the link to the DM, admins can see your inbox and providing a direct link is helpful for them to weed out bad actors.
• Step 2: Block the person so they cannot directly contact you again.
• Step 3: Send us a mod mail and let the mod team know. Tell us who they are and what they said, send us a screenshot if you can - admins can see your DMs, mods can't. We'll take action where necessary by banning from the sub if they aren't already banned.

What do you mean by No Naming & Shaming?

• Just as we prefer to not be linked to or crossposted from, we do not allow linking to or calling out other subs by name. If you see something you want to share, say it's a hot post that has hit the front page and a stepparent is being absolutely flayed, just refer to it as "that hot post that hit the front page." If you want to complain about other places in general, "other parenting/advice/judgement subs" will suffice. Absolutely under no circumstances should you link to anywhere else.

I can't link to other subs?

• Do not directly link to another sub. (e.g.: "/insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not name other subs. (e.g.: "I won't link to it directly, but insertsubnamehere is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")
• Do not abbreviate other subs. (e.g.: "I know that ISNH is ridiculously hostile to stepparents!")

I can't ping other users?

• Do not summon another user with a username ping/tag. (e.g.: "insertusernamehere was being an asshole.")
• If you are agreeing with someone, it is okay to link to them. (e.g.: "I agree with insertusernamehere, you need to take a couple of steps back and reflect on this.")

What does No Platitudes mean?

• Sanctimonious, overused clichés that grossly oversimplify the stepparenting experience are neither wanted nor allowed here. We have all heard it a thousand times before, we don't need to hear it again. It's not nearly as insightful and wise as some would like to think.

Why don't you people understand it's a package deal?

• Any comment that suggests that OP should have known what they were getting involved with, or that they needed to understand that the kids were part of some package they needed to accept before signing up for marriage is subject to immediate removal.
• This is one of the most insensitive things you can say to a stepparent. Most stepparents were aware of the children, but they were probably not aware of all of the family dynamics.

Why can't you just love them like they are your own?

• Demanding that a stranger you do not know love children that are not biologically theirs as if they were theirs can be incredibly damaging to someone who is already in a vulnerable situation. Any comment that falls along these lines will be removed.

What do you mean by No Trolling? I was just...

• No means no. No trolling. No pretending to be a stepparent and then whipping out the Greatest Hits Bingo Card of The Worst Stepparent in the History of Stepparents. We see you. We've seen you a thousand times.

What does "concern trolling", "gish-galloping", and "sealioning" have to do with stepparenting? This isn't a debate sub, why are you using debate terms?

• That's absolutely right, this isn't a debate sub. And yet, here we are, day after day, having to defend ourselves against this sort of thing. So, enough. No more. Usage of any of these things will get you banned.

What is "Concern Trolling?"

• A concern troll is someone who disingenuously visits sites of an opposing ideology to disrupt conversation by offering unwanted advice on how to solve problems which do not really exist.
  • Example Post: OP expresses concern that she will feel, and possibly act, differently towards her stepchildren after her husband decides that no, he doesn't want anymore children after all.
  • Example Concern Troll pulled from actual mod mail after their comment was removed: "Possible child abuse claims need to be sorted out well before whatever empathy you believe the OP was looking for."

What is a "Devil's Advocate"?

• "I'm just playing devil's advocate here, but have you considered that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break, too?" BM has dozens of different mom based subs alone on reddit she can complain on, this sub is for stepparents. The stepparent doesn't need to consider that maybe BM is just really tired and needs a break.

"Gish-galloping?" What does that even mean?

• The Gish Gallop is the fallacious debate tactic of drowning your opponent in a flood of individually-weak arguments in order to prevent rebuttal of the whole argument collection without great effort. The Gish Gallop is a conveyor belt-fed version of the on the spot fallacy, as it's unreasonable for anyone to have a well-composed answer immediately available to every argument present in the Gallop.

And "sealioning?" What's that?

• Sealioning involves jumping into a conversation with endless polite, reasonable questions and demands for answers, usually of entry-level topics far below the actual conversation (e.g. "please prove sexism exists"). This tactic differs little from harassment; instead of discussion, the point is to derail discussion, receive criticism (for their ignorance) so as to look like a victim, or to make someone feel overwhelmed and quit talking.

Who gets to define what is considered asshattery?

• The mod team, of course! If we feel that comments are out of line, are trolling, are leading up to a fight or "just asking questions", we are going to remove them and most likely ban the offender.

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FAQ - Sub Questions

Posting Guidelines for Stepparents

• Body text is required, we suggest you use line breaks between paragraphs as a wall of text is difficult to read. Posts that have only a title are likely to be removed. Instead of using names (even fictitious ones), try to use the sub acronyms. It helps our users to follow along if you use the acronyms and not names.
• Assign a post flair that accurately describes what your post is about and what you are seeking. If you are posting an update from a previous post, include a link to that post.
• Flairs are applied to posts to determine what a person is looking for. When submitting a new post, you should choose a flair that specifies if you are looking for advice, support, etc. The following link flair is available and is color coded with side bar links so that you can search by flair:
  • Advice - For when you are specifically asking for advice or help.
  • Announcement - Mod Use Only, for subreddit announcements.
  • Daily (Formerly TTP) - Mod Use Only, for our daily discussion threads.
  • Discussion - A little advice, a little "How does your family handle this?"
  • JustBMThings - Pretty sure this is self explanatory!
  • Legal - Asking for legal advice? Tag it with this!
  • Miscellany - Just a sort of off topic thing? Use this tag.
  • Resource - Sharing a good resource or asking for one? This is the tag you need!
  • Support - For those days when you want nothing but a good old fashioned cry and some community love.
  • Update - Updating us on something that you posted about previously? Use this one!
  • Vent - We all need to vent sometimes. Respect the tag as a vent. This isn't how OP talks all day every day.
  • Win! - Celebrate those wins with us with this tag!
  • Megathread - Mod Use Only, for large mega threads (typically around major calendar events.)

Posting Guidelines for Bioparents

• Stepparents is a support community for stepparents, by stepparents. As bioparents, you may want to have more insight into how the stepparent in your life feels or thinks. You may have questions on how to ease the transition for your partner. However, please keep in mind that this community was not created for you. It was created for your partner or your ex's partner. If you are seeking support on how to deal with a stepparent, there are other subs more suited for your situation and your post is subject to removal.
• There are some posts from bioparents we will accept:
  • Seeking advice on how to support your partner as they navigate stepparenting
  • Seeking resources to help you better support your partner
  • Seeking resources for your partner
• There are some posts from bioparents we will not accept:
  • Complaints about how the stepparent is too involved in your kids lives
  • Vents about how the stepparent is not involved enough in your kids lives
  • "Cautionary tales" advising stepparents to back off
  • Seeking advice on how to tell the stepparent to back off
  • The Do's and Dont's of Stepparenting
  • How your kid's stepmom is literally The Worst
• Comments from bioparents that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from bioparents that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. There are several other subs that may meet the needs of bioparents better than we can. We recommend /coparenting, /parenting, /parents, /blendedfamilies, and /singleparents as starting points.

Guidelines for Stepkids

• At this time, we do not generally accept posts from stepkids. Comments from stepkids that are helpful and supportive are welcome and appreciated. Comments from stepkids that are not helpful or supportive are not welcome and subject to removal. If you are a stepkid seeking support, we highly recommend /stepkids. It is a very supportive community specifically for stepkids. We also recommend /blendedfamilies as another potential group for support.

What the heck are all these acronyms? I'm confused!

• Check out the Common Acronyms wiki page. We try to keep this updated as new terms are introduced to the sub.

Why aren't my posts or comments showing up?

• New posters and accounts go through a waiting period before their posts will show in the sub and the comments on posts automatically. During the new account approval period the mod team will check posts to be sure you aren't attempting to circumvent a ban with a shiny new account. Please be patient while the timer runs down on your "new" status and the mod team approves your posts and responses.

Why was my comment removed?

• Comments are removed when they do not follow the rules of the sub. These rules are published in several places for your reading pleasure.
• Comments are removed at moderator discretion. In some cases your comment may be removed while another remains up. If you find this to be the case, and you believe the comment to be violating the rules, instead of arguing with mods or demanding they remove the additional comments, just report it.

This comment/post is really offensive! Why is it still up?

• All moderators are volunteers and have busy real lives. Sometimes things get past us. The best thing you can do is report anything you find offensive or inflammatory. It's the quickest and most reliable way of alerting us to an issue.

I've received a hurtful/unwanted PM from someone about my recent post. What should I do?

• If you receive an unwanted/hurtful PM from a name you don't recognize, please report it to Reddit Admins using our handy pre-populated form. Be sure to include the permalink to the message. We've been dealing with a few unhappy folks who like to attack stepparents, and reporting it to the admins is the only way to make it stop.

What are the general moderator guidelines?

• Users are expected to know the rules before posting. If you are warned or banned for violating the rules, ignorance is not an excuse.
• Moderators will remove posts and comments and/or lock threads in accordance with the rules above. Typically this happens when threads have gone off-topic in a way that is not productive for the OP, or comments overall have become contentious or disrespectful.
• If a poster continues to argue or to willfully violate these rules, temporary and permanent ban procedures will be followed. Any attempts to avoid or bypass temporary bans will result in a permanent ban. User bans will not be discussed in the sub. Questions posted about user bans are subject to removal and the poster subject to warning/ban procedures. The mod team will not discuss a specific user ban with anyone other than the user involved.
• New accounts are subject to manual approval until they are no longer deemed "new" by the mod team. This helps to weed out trolls and ban evaders.
• We rely on Automoderator to scan for specific words and phrases that are not welcome here and notify the mod team to review the comment or post. This includes slurs of any type and platitudes such as "Love them as your own!"
• The mod team uses a combination of blacklisting and banning when dealing with trolls.
• We employ the use of a bot that automatically bans anyone who comments in subs that have historically harassed our users. If you are picked up by the bot for telling trolls to get fucked, reach out via mod mail and we'll get you sorted out.
• The rules above as well as ban procedures are considered guidelines only; some deviation may be necessary on a case by case basis and/or at the mod team's discretion.

I've been wrongly banned/Why can't I comment here?

• Due to an influx of harassment from users with specific user histories, we have employed a user history ban bot as described above. If you think this has affected you and wish to appeal, please message the mods.

Why was I banned without warning?

• There are numerous reasons that the mod team might opt to move perm banning without warning. Message the moderators if you have specific questions.

SO LIKE- I MADE THE WORST HEADCANONS EVER THE OTHER DAY- SO HERE'S A FEW FOR THE OLD CHROMATICS
Gale - He actually has a bit of a playful side, and he's nice to anyone who's nice to him. (If) he has time off, he'll sometimes help Lou with his snow cone business, usually simply by suggesting better locations to sell them at than Mystic Mountain.
Surge - He and Brock are really close friends. He's one of the reasons that Brock even gets out (Ofc not excluding 8-Bit and Rico). He's 100% more of a show-off than an actual hero. Also, his favorite games are DDR's.
Colette - She and Edgar are cousins, so she always pesters him by either ranting about HER headcanons, fanfics, and who she's currently obsessed with. She also often tries to pressure R-T into telling her juicy secrets about the Brawlers.
Lou - He's actually friends with Surge, and they've been trying to perfect an energy drink-flavored snow cone for quite some time. Lou's also completely oblivious to why his snow cones aren't selling.
Colonel Ruffs - While he may seem tough, he has a soft side. He loves being pet and playing fetch, but would do anything to not admit it. He also feels a bit like a father to Squeak, and doesn't seem to notice Eve's feelings for him.
Belle - She's one of the smartest Brawlers in the entire park. She's not actually a villain, and she only steals as a vain attempt to run the park broke. The only thing she and her gang's been able to do is annoy them.
Buzz - He absolutely loves being in control of any and every situation he's in. When under pressure, he's actually a decent leader. He took his job as a lifeguard for 2 reasons: The authority, and so that he could sit in the tall lifeguard chairs to make up for his height.
Ash - (Oh boy, one of my favorites. Now which one do I choose...) Ash created the R. A. T. S. Bots himself, and he somewhat treats them as if they were his kids. He hates Kit for multiple reasons. While in battle he can get pretty upset, most of the time he's actually mundane.
Fun Fact: It's canon that Ash wants to be an actor, (In the Spanish version of Brawl Stars, it says it in his bio. See for yourself)
Lola - She hates Mico with every fiber of her existence. She only deals with Gray since he doesn't talk, but still gets upset when he "gets in the way". Her favorite thing to do is to see how dramatic she can make a situation.
Fang - He's usually the one dragging Buster into most of their chaotic situations. He surprisingly gets along well with Lola. He's also really into sports, especially baseball and football. Soccer is a close third.
Eve - At first, when joining the Starr Force, she simply wanted to be with Ruffs to support her kids. Over time she realized she had more complex feelings. She has mixed feelings about the Botany trio.
Janet - Friends at the beginning, her relationship with Melodie quickly shifted into a rivalry when she started to take a more "aggressive" approach when it came to their music. A lot of the time Janet's responsible for Bonnie, which can easily get out-of-hand.
Otis - He likes messing with Hank, but never takes it too far, since he's actually a bit scared of him. His favorite places to graffiti consist of the surrounding area of the Stunt Arena (What I like to call the Stunt Show area), within the Velocirapids water park, and even on the Fantasy Castle walls.
Sam - He used to love robots, and was decent a making them, until the incident that left Belle with only one arm. He claims he hates them, but he actually still likes them, he just doesn't put as much trust into them anymore.
Buster - While he's slightly more cautious than Fang, he still gets into a lot of trouble with him. He only wears sunglasses to try to look cool and menacing, which actually surprisingly works with some people.
Mandy - Chester's her adopted brother. She likes having him around sometimes so she can let her anger run loose a bit on him when no one else is there. She hates to admit it, but she's a bit impressed of how high Chester's social status is.
R-T - (OH GOD- We got to my other favorite. Uhm-) He's fluent in sign language. Despite literally his entire existence being to answer and interact with the visitors, he's a bit introverted. He's also pretty jumpy, but can be menacing when he wants. He's somewhat like a little brother to the twins, but also the leader. He actually has a bit of a chaotic side to him, but his programming blocks most of it out.
Not-So Fun Fact: His two halves are sentient, the upper half being more stick-to-the-program, while the lower half is more of the heart, creating relationships with the other Brawlers. When he's all together, he has internal conflict. :(
Maisie - She loves the thrill of danger, which is why she's dealt with Fang and Buster for so long. She also loves watching horror films, and practically any other movie or show that's high in adrenaline.
Cordelius - He may be hostile to strangers, but he's also really protective of his friends. His closest friend is Lily, who when he met, despite his usual hostile demeanor, took her right in with almost no questions asked.
Pearl - Sam had actually built her a long time ago as a gift for Belle before the incident. When he re-discovered her, he decided to give her a chance. She quickly became like a daughter to them.
Charlie - She's actually Gus's older sister (He was born AFTER their family moved from France). While he was into ghosts, she always loved spiders. She owns 2 pet tarantulas, named Flux and Tango.
THIS TOOK ME AN HOUR WHAT- MOST OF THESE I HAD TO COME UP WITH ON THE SPOT SINCE THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE IN PARTS- WHOOPS

Even though the relationship didn't last long, at the time it was great. I felt like we were soulmates because we had a lot of things in common. She was very special for me because she was very kind, sweet, caring and I also never thought that a girl could find me attractive. I was pretty much in love with her. She had some issues with intimacy which I had nothing against and I made sure to let her know multiple times that I am OK with it. I should also mention that she was constantly stressing out about some things and constantly overthinking.
2 days after Valentine's Day she decided to break up with me, out of the blue. We spent the last days of our relationship talking about the relationship itself and how important communication is and what do we both want out of the relationship. This is why it was so shocking to me why she just dumped me out of the sudden. This completely fucked me up mentally. She said that she wasn't as attracted to me as she thought and that she didn't feel safe and that the relationship wasn't going anywhere. I spent the next days struggling to fall asleep because of headaches.
Fast forward a week, she says that she wants us to get back together and that she did a terrible mistake. She said that she was constantly overthinking the fact that she is not that intimate and that I was going to eventually end up breaking up with her. I have never said anything like that and I always told her that I am ok with the intimacy thing. The thing is, during this week she constantly went back and forth between insulting me and then telling me that she is going to be with someone else. I just told her to leave me alone because I wasn't feeling well. She didn't leave me alone.
At one point I said ok to use getting back together, but I told her that I just want 2 days without her texting me or calling me so I can clear my head. She didn't give me those 2 days, instead what she ended up doing is she extended this 2 day period to a whole week just out of spite. She later told me that during that period she went to another guy's place and kissed him. When I said that I don't want to get back with her after that, she changed the story, that they didn't kiss, they just kissed their hands.
To this day she just refuses to move on and I can't help but feel for about her. I got to know her personally and I know that she usually doesn't let people that close to her. She doesn't have many friends. I wanted to be there for her so we can both move on, but she just refuses and wants us to get back. She started telling me how much she loves me and wants to be intimate with me which was a complete 180 compared to how she was in the relationship. It's just that I was the only one she could vent to and supported her when she needed it. Now that I am not there, she just cries all the time and this makes me feel bad.
I don't want to leave her like that because I feel bad for her, but at the same time I want to move on. I was thinking about starting dating, but every time I talk to her she just kinda stunts that progress. I think about her a lot to this day, I loved every single second of our relationship, I know that secretly my heart and body want her, but at the same time my brain finds it hard to forgive everything she has done.
I'm confused and I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My wife and I will be relocating to KL in early 2025, but during a trip in September, we’ll have 30 hours in the city.
We land on a Tuesday evening. Then we leave late Thursday. While we’re here, we’re hoping for a packed itinerary of activities that give us a true taste of KL and Malaysian life.
The touristy things are fine, but that’s not what we’d necessarily do when we live here. So, if you had some friends with you for a few days, what would you do? What would you see? Where are the places you’d take them? What’s the best food/drinks?
Thanks for your advice.

Apartment building storage in New Rochelle , New York
My wife and I had a large storage unit in our apartment building that we paid for monthly . Everything we owned was either in our apartment or storage unit , When we moved . We kept our storage unit neatly packed / boxes labeled with new address and phone number . Our lease ended Sept 30. , we emptied the apartment and whatever we couldn’t tske that day we put in our storage unit planning on getting the next day when we could reserve an elevator again . On Oct 1 I was unable to get into storage unit ( my swipe key no longer worked )
I was assured my belongings were safe however my wife needed to call and tell them which boxes were mine and what I could take because the storage unit was in her name ,
She called and was told everything had been thrown away . I then called and said I was told everything was safe . This was two months ago. No one will return my calls,or emails . I show up to speak with building manager and she’s never available. I can’t get a straight answer but am assuming all my valuables were stolen and they have been told to ignore me and not answer for as long as possible .
If they weee going to throw everything out I would think 1 call or email letting me know should be expected but that never occurred .
What are my options ? Who do I contact ?

Hi! I'm 31F from Slovenija. As a kid, I enjoyed sending letters back and forth with my cousin, so I'd like to start doing it again.
My current top 3 hobbies are reading (an all time favourite, actually), crochet, and balcony gardening. I'm chronically ill and live in a small flat that I'm slowly trying to transform into a cozy cottage, mostly with thrifted and gifted used items, although I am occasionally tempted by an item in a store. I like to live an environmentally friendly life, and am also vegan. If I could be anything, I'd choose to be the grandma who always makes everyone feel warm and welcome in her home.
I enjoy slow living and on warm days, you'll find me on my balcony, lovingly tending to my veggies or napping in the sun. I also enjoy other "homesteady" things, like making my own vinegar and sauerkraut. I'm currently soaking elderflowers to make syrup.
I've been in a committed relationship for almost a decade. We have an elderly doggo, adopted from a shelter. No kids. One of my best friends is over 90 years old.
If you'd like to be penpals, please drop me a message or a comment. Looking forward to hearing from you!

My wife and I had a large storage unit in our apartment building that we paid for monthly . Everything we owned was either in our apartment or storage unit , When we moved . We kept our storage unit neatly packed / boxes labeled with new address and phone number . Our lease ended Sept 30. , we emptied the apartment and whatever we couldn’t tske that day we put in our storage unit planning on getting the next day when we could reserve an elevator again . On Oct 1 I was unable to get into storage unit ( my swipe key no longer worked )
I was assured my belongings were safe however my wife needed to call and tell them which boxes were mine and what I could take because the storage unit was in her name ,
She called and was told everything had been thrown away . I then called and said I was told everything was safe . This was two months ago. No one will return my calls,or emails . I show up to speak with building manager and she’s never available. I can’t get a straight answer but am assuming all my valuables were stolen and they have been told to ignore me and not answer for as long as possible .
If they weee going to throw everything out I would think 1 call or email letting me know should be expected but that never occurred .
What are my options ? Who do I contact ?

My wife and I have been trying for almost four years. Last year we did three IUIs with no success.
I have a decent job but we also bought a house last year so our expenses have increased. The main problem is our insurance doesn’t cover reproductive care so almost everything is out of pocket. I try not to use credit and I’ve had to pick up my fifth job - one full time and four per diem.
Over the last 18 months I haven’t had any rest. Even when I take time off from my primary job I just work those days at my other jobs. Sometimes I work 24 hours straight.
We’re planning to do IVF in two months and that’s been a source of stress for me. The other day I came home and saw a lab bill of >$900. I just about broke down in tears because that means I’ll have to work extra to cover that. She started medication and is doing acupuncture biweekly and I’m just exhausted with the bills.
I don’t talk to her about this as she is already going through the stress of treatment so I deal with the finances.
I was just wondering how you guys handled/handle the financial burden.

I am looking for a word for the personality trait where a persona would just have an opposite opinion or preference just for the sake of being different and controlling situations even if being opposite is not the best choice for them, they would just do it for the sake of it.
For example consider this situation somebody posted about their ex wife who had similar problem
“ I don't know how to describe it adequately, but in my marriage there was this very strong feeling of "Nothing I do satisfies her."
Example: My ex-wife and I were renovating our house. She explained exactly the type of tile she wanted. She found a tile that she absolutely loved. We went to go buy and and she says she loves it. I purposely kept quiet to make sure she liked it first because she had this habit of not liking anything I liked... Well, after we bought it and she said how much she loved it I told her I absolutely loved it too...
Well, it took her about 5 minutes to find all the flaws with the tile. She now hated it, and we had to go back and rent the truck we just returned to go and return the tile.
This type of situation would happen multiple times a day -- what we wanted for dinner, outfits she wore, TV shows; you name it and she would change her mind if I had a positive opinion of it. “

My husband and I are in a headlock. We will both be reading the comments. My husband wrote the main bulk of this and I've read and added where I thought appropriate.
2021 I just started a new job, colleagues are great. Joined a gym to use lunch time. Getting fit, kicking goals at work. I mentioned to my new colleagues that I used to be a personal trainer and they're more than welcome to join me for a session. So one of the female colleagues took me up on the offer. She is objectively attractive (all my colleagues are objectively attractive) but I'm not attracted to them.
After work, I tell my wife about my day which included my gym session with this girl, let's call her C. (My edit: My wife was a Stay at home mum with 2 kids under 2 years old and didn't get much help from me or anyone else. She was isolated, dealing with body insecurities from the pregnancy and was at a low point mentally). After I tell my wife, she blows up and says "I don't want to hear about you going to the gym with your hot colleagues". This upset me as I was just sharing my day.
There's a bring a friend to gym day on Wednesdays so sometimes people take me up on my offer, sometimes not. Most of the time, it's just me. But eventually, H started coming with me and we would go to the gym together maybe 2-4 Wednesdays a month.
At some point I thought maybe I should mention it but I remember the blow up and C, and figured my interaction with H is purely professional, So no harm no foul. But again, objectively H is also an attractive female so I was definitely not keen to get shouted at again for telling my wife stories of going to the gym with my hot colleagues. So I actively decided to keep this a secret because I didn't want to deal with any negative reactions from her.
Anyway my wife found out after I had been gymming with H consistently for 1 year. And it became a big thing mostly because she felt I was actively hiding my relationship with H - which I was. (My edit: I've never heard the name H before, ever. I didn't even know there was a girl called H in his office).
This argument was more than 6 months ago and my wife and I eventually got over it. She has no issues with me going to the gym with girls or H as long as she feels that I will be open and honest with her and not gatekeep informatkon.
But we had an argument today because she was showing me a FB post of a husband who wrote a self-reflecting letter about his inappropriate relationship with a female co-worker. (We were laughing about it because it was so extreme) But She said jokingly "where's your letter to me about your inappropriate relationship?" I said I never had an inappropriate relationship because I never flirted or had an affair with the coworker but she said she still considers it an inappropriate relationship because I actively hid it from her.
I don't think my relationship with H was inappropriate at all.
Please chime in on this situation and help us resolve the argument.
Edit to add: my second was a newborn when the original blow up happened.

The funny thing is that the day before he said that we were cool,this man have serious problems, only because I didn't do his food meanwhile when I did he wouldn't even eat the food and throw it away,he says is it must that you must finish the food? Says the person that threatened my brother to finish the food that he buys for himself because he can't finish it and he will agressivly force him to eat like ,the rules applies for others but we should have compassion for you when you don't have that for us?? Is not feeling well in these days so is home but is a living he'll because he finds trouble everytime and my mum devoted wife that defends him ,that woman is blinded like she will be telling my brother to stay with him and keep him company meanwhile he's rude, aggressive and still threaten to beat me at 22 years old ,my mum says is a man so he should stay with is father like wtff he want and want still yet he doesn't have humanity for anybody treats my mother like shit and that woman still deeply want this man like hello?? Really?? He would complain my mum doesn't do this and that bit she does everything for this man,how can you stay with someone that you need to remeber him everything you do for him?? My dad future plans is me getting married directly no boyfriend or girlfriend that's not good for him😭🤣🤣 this African parents are something I have never seen in my life ,some people are really lucky to have good parent's

My wife and I have a 2 year old daughter—let’s call her Anna—and we’re currently on a family vacation in Hawaii with my parents and my in-laws (7 people total). We are staying at my father’s timeshare, which he periodically invites us to. The two pairs of grandparents adore Anna and seem to get along with each other. Anna is undergoing potty-training right now, and as with all potty-training, there are occasional accidents.
We arrived in Hawaii two days ago, and she had quite a few accidents - I suspect because she’s dealing with an unfamiliar place and new people. Right before dinner, Anna had an accident on the pullout sofa, which necessitated a call to housekeeping to swap out sheets and cushions. My dad wasn’t happy.
When all 7 of us sat down shortly afterward for dinner, my dad sat down and the first thing out of his mouth was, “Anna is out of control, isn’t she.” Bear in mind Anna was sitting right across from him at the table. I let it slide and continued eating, and my wife said something to try to brush it off. Then, my dad suggested that we put Anna back in diapers and that she not be allowed on the bed or the couch. I responded by saying that I didn’t want to do that and that potty-training is a process that has highs and lows. My dad then remarked that it would be problematic if she had an accident on the carpet because it’d be hard to clean up. In my mind, I thought to myself, “So you don’t want her on the bed, couch, or carpet—where is she supposed to hang out the whole time, the bathroom??” At that point, I was frustrated and said something to the extent of, “If Anna’s accidents are too big of a problem, we can always find another place to stay at.”
That’s when my dad blew up. He accused me of threatening him and of being disrespectful. It seemed that he took my suggestion as a threat of leaving, and he made very clear that he felt offended. He also said that I needed to “be careful with what I say and show respect to your parents.” I responded by repeatedly telling him that I didn’t threaten him nor intend for him to be threatened. He responded that “it doesn’t matter what your intent was, because I feel threatened.” At this point I was really upset, so I said something I probably shouldn’t have, remarking that he was “too easily threatened.”
My dad then demanded that I apologize to him. I didn’t feel that I had to, but I half-heartedly apologized because I wanted the argument to end and because it was making things super uncomfortable for my in-laws who were also sitting at the table and eating dinner through all of this. Later that evening my dad pulled me aside again and lectured me further about the argument.
It seemed that the whole blowup happened in response to my remark that we could stay elsewhere if my dad couldn’t tolerate Anna’s potty training accidents. AITA for saying that?

So I am really dreading my wedding. I think it is a big biggest waste of money, and on top of that, we can’t afford my dream honeymoon and we could have if we didnt have this massive party.
So I (F26) am getting married at the end of July. I am a massive introvert, I hate going to big parties and I don’t tend to meet up with friends in a big group. I think I have some kind of social anxiety, it isn’t generally a big deal as I am just a little antisocial and avoid big events. My fiancé (M37) is the opposite and loves socialising and will never say no to anything, to the point where when we’ve gone out to work Christmas parties together, I’ve had to leave alone because he then wants to go out after, and I just want to go to bed.
I wanted to elope and he wanted a party, because he feels he has to give back to all his friends who’ve had big weddings. We compromised and the wedding day is a tiny event at my childhood church, and the next day is a massive reception. On top of that, we have another event the next day which is a meal and a tea ceremony, as is his culture.
What makes me feel worse about the whole thing is that my parents are paying for most of it because they want to. But my mum has said things like no xmas gifts or bday gifts etc bc of the wedding which I get, but it annoys me as they know that day is not for me and I’m dreading the whole thing. I can’t bear the thought of getting up early 3 days in a row, having to wear make up and be sociable. It is too much for me. I said when we agreed on the wedding plans that I’m only agreeing if it is what he wants, because I’m not keen on the idea. Since then he’s mentioned if it’s that big a deal we should cancel because it’s for everyone else anyway. This annoyed me bc my parents are essentially paying for a party that now he says is for everyone else.
It’s too late now to cancel things, and as the date looms nearer I am dreading it more and more. Sorry for the rant but I just need advice and tips on how to get through these three days without a breakdown.