Background: I (23F) am an active participant in a music fandom/subculture. I won’t say which, but I am sure if anyone is familiar you can probably figure it out. I have been a fan of a certain artist within said fandom for about 5 years. A couple years ago, said artist did a special performance I desperately wanted to go to, and I purchased tickets, however it being across the country from me and having no support from family or local friends to go with me at the time, I opted not to travel alone and spend thousands of dollars I didn’t have doing so. I was devastated, and since then I still have been unable to see them for reasons out of my control.
Around this time, I was scrolling social media and came across videos of a girl who went to this performance and vlogged her whole experience. She was beautiful, the same age as me, in college same year, and to my surprise lived in the same metro area as I did and flew out of the airport I would have. Difference was, her mother, sister and friends all went to the performance together with her. I remember watching her vlog and feeling sick to my stomach, as if I was looking at what my life could be like if it was just a little different. If my family was a little wealthier. If they cared and shared my interests or at least supported me. I followed her on social media around this time, and we interacted a few times but to my knowledge she unfollowed me at some point not long after so I unfollowed sometime later and forgot all about her account for maybe a year or two.
As if on cue, about 1.5-two years ago or so, I start to get into another artist. I start to look at social media for people who like both artists as I was uncovering a small niche in a larger community of these two artists individually. Lo and behold, I find her account. She too is now a fan of both artists, and we instantly became a mutual follow, and of course, has already met the artist briefly and people in their circle at events I can never even think about affording and seen them perform up close. I try to imagine she might be jealous of me too for attending their last tour when she wasn’t a fan yet, but I know this is a ridiculous comparison when she eats sleeps and breathes them. After we started to talk she even invited me to join her group to last minute travel to a special performance they did, but being in my financial situation and knowing I hadn’t actually met her yet I decided to decline, much to my regret. It was like history was repeating itself but more personally now.
As we started to become a bit closer and talk in direct messages, we realized how much we had in common, weird coincidences too. Of course, she’s just as perfect as I thought she was all those years ago. She now has an amazing job in my dream creative field, fully remote and always posts photos and videos from her beautiful and tidy bedroom/office space (I’m unemployed after being fired this year, and mine is chronically unorganized and filled with junk.) I don’t know how much money she makes but she also has another part time creative job on the side related to our fandom where she gets all sorts of cool opportunities. Whenever I talk to her I feel like I’m looking at a reflection of what I could have been if I did things differently or my life was better. I scroll her accounts for hours trying to piece together bits of her life I wouldn’t know otherwise and figure out what makes her the way she is. Everytime she messages me or comments on something of mine, I feel giddy as if it’s a crush I have, although I am certain I have no romantic or sexual feelings towards her. As we’ve gotten closer I fear it less, but for a while I would compulsively check her accounts to see if she unfollowed me like she did before and was hyper aware of what I posted in fear that she would see something of mine she didn’t like. Ultimately, I know this is not healthy and I want this to be a normal friendship and stop obsessing over her like this.
TL;DR obsessed with my online friend who I feel is like me but better and I don’t know how to stop.

I (24) just met this girl (22) 2 days ago on a date that I reached out to her for. She is probably the most attractive girl I’ve dated & on top of that she has pretty much all personality traits that I’ve been looking for in a girl at first glance. However, she lives in Chicago since she travels for work but will be in my town for the Summer. She has to go back for a couple weeks before she returns and since we’ve only met once, I don’t know how to go on about keeping in touch with her & how much I should reach out till she gets back.
I drew the Justice and 9 of cups reversed which tell me to go by my gut feeling (Justice) but to not put unrealistic expectations on it (9 cups rx). At least that’s my interpretation of it. She did enjoy our date and said she’d like to see me again, but I don’t wanna overdo it with the texting and keep some element of mystery to me without boring her. I’ve been known to be too easy in the past. If anyone has more deeper clarification on this reading please let me know 🙏

My father appointed a friend his executor of the will. She began cutting people she didn't like out of his life, starting with his significant other (who was willed the half of his estate that the friend was not getting) but ending before his death with other friends. (This does not include me, his child). It looks very much like she did this out of jealousy as she even had the s/o cut out of the will somehow by the time he died. This was at the expense of my dad's happiness/peace and has me even more heartbroken than just losing him does.
Is there anything that can be done now that he has passed and things are coming to light (no one realized she was doing this until days before he passed). It is in writing (from the executor) that he was upset because he had no key to his own home (she changed the locks) and he was not able to see his s/o. Hospice also pleaded with this woman to let him see whoever he wanted so he could pass peacefully, as he held on for days after first becoming unconscious. He had voiced his emotional distress over these things to hospice just days before he became unconscious so they were aware of how upset he was. I have proof of his emotional distress via this woman's own words/texts to me and other family members if that helps.

About

The goblins from the Village of Gob are waking up clean every morning, and this has directly impacted the local market for the worst and a great danger emerges from the woods putting pressure to fix Gob's mystery. However, this is only the beginning of a 3 session adventure that uncovers a tragic conspiracy.

What You Get For Playtesting

• Your name will be added to the list of playtesters in the credits page on the final version of the book.
• A copy of the playtest material used to keep
• A PDF of the adventure run for the playtest after the last session

Playtest Content

We will be playtesting three ancestries that were made for the Pratalia setting. The goal with this playtest is to see how the ancestries function mechanically in-game and get feedback on the lore and roleplay for them.
🐸 Roog

Frogs that can jump very far, mastered the art of calming one's mind, and have a weakness to psychic energies and emotional disturbances

🦋 Orphaned

Celestial moth-like beings that master the fine arts and have a very naïve and curious demeanor

🐱‍🚀Noblins

Hairless Cat like beings that like to live life to the max, live chaotically, and have a penchant to overdo it "just a tad"

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Game Details

• Players: 4-6
• Played Using: Foundry, Discord Voice Channels
• Adventure Length: 2-3 hour sessions, 3 total sessions, same time weekly
• Cost To Play & Ways To Save $
  • Cost: $12 per session ($36 total)
  • Early Bird: First 2 players that sign-up for any group get Half-Off the first session
  • Bring A Friend: Sign-up with up friends and you and your friends reduce the price per session by $3 (Saves $9) (This does stack with Early Bird)
  • Free $10 Towards Your First Game: If you never made an account on StartPlayingGames, you can use this referral link to get a free $10 that you can immediately use towards these games
    • https://startplaying.games/referral/cl710ephv7978109iegq1bdu4m

GROUP TIMES AND SPG LINKS

There are 6 groups that people can join to play. Below is when the first session starts for each group. Sessions 2 and 3 are on the same day and time each week.
Group 1: Wednesday May 22 8PM EST 1 EARLY BIRD SEAT AVAILABLE!
Seats Filled: 1 out 6
SPG Listing: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clw614ptv001tg1r0ati6w2kn
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Group 2: Thursday May 23 8PM EST
Seats Filled: 2 out 6
SPG Listing: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clw617x5i00038yd5fxj4x4r8
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Group 3: Friday May 24 2PM EST
Seats Filled: 2 out 6
SPG Listing: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clw618ty50003mz3nln48qjuu
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Group 4: Friday May 24 8PM EST 2 EARLY BIRD SEATS AVAILABLE!
Seats Filled: 0 out 6
SPG Listing: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clw619mly005i8zr30m94vkxe
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Group 5: Saturday May 25 2PM EST 2 EARLY BIRD SEATS AVAILABLE!
Seats Filled: 0 out 6
SPG Listing: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clw61ad8a000x3754vi2xbfue
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Group 6: Saturday May 25 8PM EST TWITCH STREAMED GAME
Seats Filled: 2 out 6
SPG Listing: https://startplaying.games/adventure/clw61b654004lidjceukus48y

Everyone I talk to about this situation is one-sided about it and I genuinely need other's opinions. I 16F was in a relationship with D 16F for 6 months but together for a year. Our relationship at first was going really well and he was everything Ive ever wanted and was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Overtime, I started realizing how attached we were to eachother and we started arguing a lot, a lot of insecurity, a lot of his problems with Mary Jane, overall we both had several issues. I had asked him for a break but we still continued texting like normal. Later we were back together but all my friends were calling me dumb, how he wasnt worth it and I was just wasting my time. I kept thinking maybe I did stop loving him and I was getting tired of being in a relationship, but deep down I knew I still had so much love for him. As time went on I broke up with him and told him I didnt love him anymore. For a week we stopped texting then went back to texting frequently.
I was happy, I felt joy with him, I felt like I needed nothing else in the world. We had agreed that we would get back together but had to give it time as we both needed to focus on things. This is where things take a turn and I mess up. To be completely honest, I was so happy with D and I dont know why i made this dumb move. Me and a guy N(17) had made eye contact for like two-three days and on a Friday we had started texting. The thing with N is, D always had a bad feeling about him. I used to find N cute as of last year but never did anything as I heard he had just gotten out of a relationship and I respected that. N and D had befriended eachother and at a point I told D "I used to think N was cute before but nothing else". I had never thought about N once during my relationship with D, and it was only as we were broken up but on terms of basically wanting to get back together.
The same day me and N started texting, I cut D off and said it was over and that I had stopped loving him. I thought I had done the right decision because of what my friends were saying. A few days after, D found out and was mad upset saying things about N, but nothing about me. I was at a party the other day and afterwards I went to go see N, and I dont know what came over me, but I started thinking about D and our relationship. Did I miss the memories we had, Did i miss him or just the idea of him in my head? The next day I cut N off and told him I still loved D. I stupidly went to go text D asking to talk, and I wont get into how much I was begging to talk but I am blocked on Imsg and on Instagram.
I miss D but I dont know in what way. Everyone I know is telling me I didnt do anything wrong, but i know its biased opinions as there my friends and people I am close with. No matter how harsh it may sound, please give me your honest opinions on what I should do moving foward or what you think about the situation. I know I am still young for all of this, but its something different and I need help. AITAH for how I messed up my relationship?

The year is 2024, and things are not looking good for the Democrats.
Joe Biden is constantly plagued by infighting within his ranks. The Democratic Party, in addition to being hamstrung by institutions that are by nature biased towards conservatives, like the innate design of the Senate, and the conservative makeup of the Supreme Court, are constantly struggling with infighting by the purist far-left, and the impotent center. On one side, they are dealing with an increasingly irrational “far-left” that refuses to the see the bigger picture of defeating Trump, as well as dealing with a middling center that frequently resorts to “both-sideism” and shrugs their shoulders instead of calling out the clear threat of Republican rule. On top of that, the Democrats have been OBSESSED with decorum, following the rules, ALWAYS compromising, and holding their members to higher standards as Republicans refuse to do so. Do you see the Republicans compromising? Following norms? Nope. The Republican apparatus, from Mitch McConnell to the fringes of the Freedom Caucus, are constantly moving in lockstep, pushing their right-wing vision through the finish line. Some, like political scientist David Faris, argue that Democrats must realize that "It's Time to Fight Dirty", after years of pussyfooting around, finally, at long last? It's as the old saying goes, “Democrats fall in love, Republicans fall in line”. It’s a situation worthy of a Greek Tragedy….
….Or is it?
Because if you speak to the average Republican voter, they will absolutely not agree with what I wrote above. Rather, it is the Democrats who are enacting win after win, and getting their left-wing agenda through their finish line while the middling Republicans trip over their shoelaces. Left-wing activists, like Antonio Gramsci, have conducted a Long March Through The Institutions, like a nation proudly marching through the battlefield and conquering their enemies. The liberals control everything.The culture. The education system. The legal system. The youth. Republicans have lost the Culture War, a war that men like Chris Rufo argue that the Right barely even attempted to fight as the Radical Left had their eyes on the ball, onwards through the battlefield. Marching on. The Left has always possessed a machiavellian spirit, and an ironclad grip on every avenue that we as Americans hold dear. Men like Jon Askonas, looking at the rubble of conservatism, ponder "Why Conservatism Failed". That’s how much the Left has won! The ideology of Conservatism itself is DEAD! Meanwhile, the conservative movement, or shall I say, Conservatism Inc., is obsessed with maintaining tired platitudes about “small government” and “low taxes” as Democrats are focused on controlling every inch of the American body. Conservatives aren’t winning, they are impotently flailing. Pathetic.
Does that really make sense? Are both the political right and the political left united in lockstep, but weak and plagued with endless infighting? Can both sides be obsessed with playing the rules and compromising, but also be steadfastly seizing control of all major institutions?
A lot of the above is me rambling, but I believe this ties back to what Gallup has reported recently, as “most Americans (71%) say that, on the issues that matter to them, their side in politics has been losing more often than winning. Just a quarter say their side has been winning more often than losing.” The article also mentions that this varies based on which party is in power, and is right now "eight-in-ten Republicans and Republican-leaning independents (83%)" as well as "six-in-ten Democrats and Democratic leaners (62%)". But this a sentiment I have noticed the past several years. Dare I say, “Both sides”, having identical complaints about their political allies.
Republican voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Democrats' rules, while the Democrats are motivated and pressing forward with their left-wing agenda.
Democratic voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Republicans’ rules, while the Republicans are motivated and pressing forward with their right-wing agenda.
Our side is obsessed with compromise. Their side never compromises.
Our side is obsessed with preserving “muh norms”. Their side couldn’t give a shit about norms.
Our side is constantly held to a higher standard. Their side is constantly treated with kid gloves.
Our side is fighting with a knife. Their side is fighting with a gun.
Our side always holds ourselves accountable. Their side never holds themselves accountable.
Now, I am someone who leans more on the political left (especially the economic left), but this is a sentiment I see expressed by a lot of Republican and Democratic voters, who both feel like they are the unfairly maligned underdog.
The staticy of our current federalist, two party, FPTP system creates a significant amount of deadlock, especially as the two parties realign on class, geographic, and educational lines. Landslide elections are becoming less and less common. Neither Republicans nor Democrats seem to have the ability to break through landslide sweeps and reshape the country with a governing mandate, instead dealing with gridlock and incrementalism that is inherent to the American experiment.
I believe this situation leads to both groups of voters turning back to a comforting narrative of how their side is effectively persecuted by various forces. How their side is always held to a higher standard compared to the opposition. How they have been plagued historically by infighting and a fetish for norms and holding your pinky up.
Now, I’m not giving my opinions on which side is correct. Democrats are at a disadvantage in the Senate (I think that is partially due to Democrats bleeding away rural votes over decades). Republicans are at a disadvantage in mainstream culture (I think that is due to an incompatibility with social conservatism and capitalism, but that’s another discussion for another day).
I am simply stating that I have observed this exact same sentiment among both Republican and Democratic voters/pundits. Whether it’s left-leaning internet forums, or conservative talk radio, I see and hear the exact same lines, but flip a few words. How our side is impotent, infighting, and constantly snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, unlike our enemies. Republicans and Democrats, faced with years or decades of painful incrementalism, at best, resort back to the same narrative. Our side is weak and divided, their side is strong and united.

Hii. I recently started making content. Just to see where it goes and if it'd be worth investing my time into it serously. And just now I got a dm from someone asking what they'd get when they buy something from my wishlist.
I don't really know what to answer tho. I mean, he seems like a potential buyer, but if I just say nothing it'll be 100% sure he won't buy anything, obviously. I'm thinking of saying he'll get a photo from me with the stuff on which he bought me. That's what I in general thought about implementing into my wishlist to potentially induce a higher chance of purchases yk. Cause only very few people actually do something without getting anything back in return.
Anyway, I guess I just want to ask you experienced content creators out there how you would handle this and what you'd do in my situation?

I lost my brother yesterday to suicide. I'm done. He was 22 years old and i am 24. He was my only sibling from the same parents.
He seemed happy most of the time. He had it all. A nice car, nice friends, nice career.
Looking back at the times I talked to him, I should have noticed, but I didn't. When his first girlfriend broke up with him, I instantly drove 150km to him, picked him up, talked to him for hours and took him with me to our parents home. He told me back then, that he was close to comitting suicide. But I thought he was being overdramatic. Knowing what I know now, I probably saved him once back then by picking him up. That was 2 Years ago. He recently got a new girlfriend and she broke up with him because she was scared of her parents finding out. She said she still loves him, but her prents only want her to date their own race/religion.
At the time she told him, he was visiting friends in Munich, Germany. He came back by train the day before yesterday. I picked him up from the trainstation and was surprised by his silence. He usually talks a lot to me, but told me that it's because he's super tired and that he needs to get some rest.
After we got home at 9pm (we both live with our parents) he instantly went into his room without talking to anyone. Nothing out of the ordinary, since he does that sometimes. In the morning we woke up and saw his car missing. We checked our video doorbell to see, that he left at about midnight. He never wanted us to ask where he is, because "it's his life".
At 8pm that day, we got visited by the police, who told us that his car was seen abandoned near a field about 30min from us and that they need the car moved. We tried going into his room, but it was locked. We got in anyways and saw his bedsheets full of blood and all his belongings still there. (Phone, Glasses, Keys) After that we contacted the police again and they started a search at 9pm that evening. The search took about 40 hours just to find out that he climbed the transmission tower nexto his car and jumped. But noone saw, since there was a tall grown canola field below.
When i started searching there (even before the police arrived at the location where the car was parked) i looked at the tower and thought, that he might have climbed it, but didn't want that to be true. So i did not even attempt to walk through the field to take a look. I screamed his name a lot. At the time he already jumped and was about 40m away from me, but I didnt know. Maybe he was even still alive, but paralyzed. I am so done, i had no chance of any decent sleep the past days.
Please look out. Suicide isn't always noticeable. He also never attempted it before, and yet he still chose a way to be certain and made sure noone can do anything about it.
Maybe we should've listened a bit more, talked to him more and maybe we should have seen it coming. There are a lot of things I think about that I've decided not to share. I'm also scared of posting this on the internet as I've been on the internet for long enough to know that there are a lot of cruel people out there. Especially on reddit. But i need someone to talk to, I need messages to read. And most importantly I want to tell everyone, that even if you might not seem to be loved, there are still tons of people who loved you with their life. Please don't do this to yourself and help others if you suspect the smallest thing.
Love you all.

Tips on improving Your mood in the end If You don’t feel to read all the other bs. Be free to scroll down and read the tips 1-4
So I used to be a full on extrovert I liked going to places and travel and be with other people.
Now I just dont care tbh. I have depression but I refuse to take medicine to it and I have mangaed to cope pretty well with natural things see the tips in the end.
Anyway My family was asking if we should Go to a lovely vacation to Italy - Me i’d rather be at home in my room or something? We bought a new summer house like 2 years ago and I have never been there beacause everytime they ask Me to come with them there I dont care to go. Why? I don’t even fully know myself…
Some days are better but not everyday… I can be mad or just empty on off. I’d like to cry but I just fully can’t… I have been struggling more or less with Depression from around 2017 I am not harmful or suicidal to myself in any way anymore. I love life but I just don’t understand the point off it.
I also had problems with My appetite maybe 4months ago and ate like 2 times a day on the worst days and even lost some weight .
Now I have managed to hold a normal eating rhythm and I eat about 4 - 5 times thru the day and even healthy gained some weight Im in a fully normal weight. The only problem is that I eat like only alone either way In my living room or my room. I have not dared to go out eating to a restaurant with friends… Why? Well I mean imagine how embarrassing it is if I’d go and eat to a restaurant and when the food comes My appetite would be gone …
I’m a “ If I can’t do it myself. I can’t do it at all” type off guy… But now I want to get back to fucking normal so tomorrow I took the first step and Im going to the psychiatrict doctor .
I have tried to cope wit my mental health alone for Years so here are Tips on improving You mood that helps Me . I mean it doesn’t mean that it will work for You but You can try…

1. Nature Walks in forest actually is scientifically proven to lower stress levels and help to cope with depression.
   
2. Ice bathing Feels like shit to do but for me My focus disappears from my negative thoughts and You have to focus to breathe normally which can also be calming.
   
3. Sauna Many proven health benefits it also lowers your stress levels.
   
4. Distractions whatever activity You like to do to get You to focus on something else…
   

• I know that we are both struggling but the biggest mistake we can do is to give up . We probably would like to try something new but all we see is every negative thing 10 miles down the street… I will tell You that fear has destroyed more people than failure ever will. Go ahead and try .

Good luck on getting better👋🏻❤️

I need to share my story and seek advice. My father has been battling a gambling addiction for years, and it's taken a significant toll on me and my family. It all started when I was in middle school. I would see him playing slots on his phone and tell my mom, but he would deny it, calling me a liar. This gaslighting left me in tears, feeling confused and helpless.
In high school, his gambling escalated to casinos in another city where he worked. He even stole money from my siblings' and my savings accounts, though my mom said he eventually put it back. She tried to manage his gambling by setting conditions, hoping it would help.
I've been in college for five years now. I gave my parents access to my credit card login to pay for my medical expenses. I noticed strange charges from the city where my dad works and confronted him. He claimed they were accidents and paid the money back, but I removed the card from his phone without him knowing. A few days later, it was re-added, and I was too busy with school to address it immediately.
I called my mom and told her everything, asking her to talk with him because I was too upset too. She checked their accounts and discovered my dad had taken out $60,000 in loans in her name and stolen $10,000 from my brothers' savings. They were also three months behind on bills. My mom, who was recovering from breast cancer, had trusted my dad with the finances, not knowing he was hiding his debts. My dad being in charge of finances also meant he was in charge of giving me money when I needed it while I was going through college. Whenever I asked, he would always say they didn't have a lot of money and give me the minimum he could. After he gave me the money, if I ever did something he didn't like he would threaten to take away all support from me, including the money they paid for me to go to college. I decided to distance myself from him, relying on my own money and support systems to get through college. Working 30-40hr weeks while trying to be full time. I definitely failed at least one class a semester. I did this for a year and a half before my mom caught what he did, took over, and gave me money so I could just work a part-time job at one of the dorm desks.
My dad has never truly tried to get better, despite attending counseling sporadically. My mom is now divorcing him, but they are still "together." She and my family urge me to support him, saying it's a disease, but I can't forgive him for the suffering he's caused.
I feel he has never acted like a father to me, and I struggle with the idea of having him in my life. How do I cope with him being around due to my mom, while wanting nothing to do with him?

Tw: discussion of death in the family
About 2 months ago, I finally blocked my parents. My aunt, my nmom's youngest sister, passed away. She was pretty young, only about 50, and that of course is very sad. I have never been close to my extended family and it had been over 15 years since I had seen or spoken to my aunt, so while it's sad, I wasn't exactly grieving. My mother wordlessly texted me her obituary with no other text or explanation, and I was wary of this.
A while ago, I think a little over a year, my grandmother died, and nmom did the same thing. I also posted about that on this page, and about my suspicion that it was manipulative, and my guilt over thinking that. In the end, I reached out to give my condolences and offer help if she needed it; which she then used to ensure access to me and pressured me into communicating with her. When I attempted to pull away, she would cite sadness from her mother dying to guilt me into staying engaged. Because of this, when I received my aunts obituary, I was worried about falling into a similar situation.
I talked to my wife and decided to take a little time and collect my thoughts before responding, to make sure it was worded well and conveyed what I meant, with little room for manipulation.
However, when my mother didn't get the immediate response she had received the last time, she started sending pictures of me and deceased aunt together, from when I was around 4 years old.
I was horrified. For everything my mother has done, using the recent death of her baby sister in order to get a response from me is a pretty disgusting low. I couldn't believe she would weaponize something like that. I have put up with a lot of abuse from her my entire life, but this was the straw that broke the camels back. I was furious, and blocked both her and my edad, because I didn't trust that she wouldn't try to use him or his phone to try and contact me once she realized that she couldn't get ahold of me on her own.
I'm still traumatized by that family, and still angry over a lot of what she did, including this, but over the past couple months I've been talking about it in therapy and occasionally forgetting my nmom even exists; and god, it's so peaceful when I do.
But then, two days ago, I received two voicemails from my mother.
Apparently, with my provider, when a number is blocked, I wont see that theyre calling, but I'll still receive their voicemails, unless I contact the provider and have someone manually block their access to my voicemail inbox. I immediately panicked and felt sick. I didn't listen to them, I couldn't bring myself to. I had theories of what they were. They were both short, around 12 to 20 seconds each (I deleted them and can't check), so they weren't some big tirade. I suspected that since mothers day just passed and I didn't call or text like I normally did for holidays, she had called to either, a) demand to know why, b) tell me how awful of a daughter I was, or c) doing the sweet and kind guilt method of asking why I would do this to her and make me question blocking her at all. I knew no matter which it was, I wasn't okay. But I was terrified that maybe something had happened to my dad, who was also blocked and is an enabler, but I have still always been closer to. I firmly believe he's also a victim of my mother who just never stood up for me, but that's another rant for another time. Because of that, I was scared to just delete them right away.
I already has therapy scheduled for that afternoon, and I talked to my therapist about it. We decided the best thing for me was to have my wife listen to them and delete them for me, and then if there was any emergency with my edad, they could tell me. When I got home we did just that, I gave them my phone and left the room, and came back when they were finished and the messages were deleted. I was tense as hell and ready for the worst.
They were pocket dials. My wife said it sounded like the Bluetooth on my mother's phone had hooked up to the car and she had called accidentally through it.
Of all the outcomes I was preparing myself for, that wasn't one of them. It completely took the wind out of my sails. I felt so stupid for panicking, and ended up just laying with my wife and crying. I just made myself feel crazy again, and went through the whole rigamarole of telling myself "see, you overreact, you weren't abused, you're just crazy," which they corrected of course. But it's so easy to slip back into that place.
I was tense and raw the rest of the night and following day, but started to feel a little better.
And then, that night, my edad left me a voicemail.
I wasn't staying at home that night because I was petsitting, but I texted my wife a screenshot of the voicemail notification and said that maybe the calls my nmom made weren't accidental after all. Either that, or my edad also pocket dialed me within 7 hours of my mother, which seemed awfully coincidental.
My wife found a way for me to forward the voicemail to them and I did, and they listened to it for me again. It was a real voicemail this time, in which my ndad called me by my deadname and then pointed out they hadn't heard from me in a while.
My theory is this: The first voicemail from my mother was an accident, hooked up to the cars Bluetooth on her way to work, which, since she is blocked, went directly to voicemail. She noticed this, and tried a second time, resulting in the second voicemail she left, confirming that her calls went straight to voicemail. Then, when she got off of work and saw my edad, she told and convinced/demanded for my father to call from his phone, to probe and see if he could get through to me, or if his went to voicemail too.
I knew I was right to block him too. I knew she would use him to get to me.
This all went down the day before yesterday, and I'm still tense and shaken up about it. I hate being so terrified of a voicemail, I hate knowing that my dad is just a tool for her, I hate knowing that even blocked she has this much power over my health. I'm just so exhausted from this whole thing.
I'm debating contacting my provider to cut off their access to my inbox, but for some reason I'm scared, and I'm also worried I might be overreacting. I'd appreciate any thoughts or advice on this.

I 22(F) maybe autistic. I am from india and its very rare to speak about topic such as mental health here.They will straight up think you're suci- dal and hate you for thinking about it.
Anyways, the thing is i am, has and always have been hyper fixated with things.Like mosquitoes biting me at night which makes me very very very upset for god knows what , broken hair strands touching my hand or leg when i try to sleep makes me very very angry enough that I can't sleep for several hours, thinking about why a friend did me dirty or an ex , my question has always been ' maybe its because I can't understand emotions properly they are like this to me and i sort of get it because they probably are struggling too ' but all the time thats not the case.They act out on me , i get upset they get distant and now i get very guilty cause they would not explain why even if i reach out to ask politely.
I have been hyper fixated on my flaws for past 2 yrs because of a breakup. It wasn't a long term relationship just few months but it was the first time i was in a relationship, they randomly broke it off and this left me vulnerable and extremely confused.
I am still sort of fixated on this topic and i journal so not to speak of it because my friends have told me to shut up and move on from it, but its hard idk why.
I am fine moving on , staying single, being with someone else , but it could be a subconscious thing , i saw them in my dreams , which makes me remember again and spiral me out.
I rarely change my daily routine... One time something creepy happened to me in my place and my friend offered me to come to their place so i can stay for the night and my thought was ' How can i sleep on that mattress its not my mattress'. I said thank you but declined it.
I can't use public toilets unless there are very clean and barely any people , in recent years i have gotten better at using public toilet , before i used to hold it in all day which i know is not good.
I have trouble making eye contact. This has given me a big phobia, 'fear of being seen'. It has affected me a lot socially, i have been better these days but sometimes i would go back to square one.
I feel everybody looks at me when i walk on the road , and when i am like nah they do be looking, but like makes me wonder why am i even scared its just eye contact, then they do prolonged threatening eye contact which is very scary.
I cover my room with black out curtains so nobody can peep me from outside. This stresses me a lot like what if i am sleeping or using my phone in the chare then i see faces in my window oof.Nothing has happened like that but i had privacy issues as a child because i lived in a very cramped room with my parents.
I don't understand emotions and how tp comfort people like at all. I rather cry alone than in front of people and this makes me think why they cry with people and they comfort them with hugs and and words and sometimes i want that too but like how ... I get upset when someone sees me cry lol.
I do think i have sensory issues too.Some noises are not it for me like loud noises like crackers and the type of noises which are immediate and i have not expected it to happen like a steel pipe clanking on the floor or chalk screech.
I imitate people around me to make them comfortable and wonder why they never do that to make me comfortable. I also find it very hard concerntrating at class because the teacher keeps on making eye contact.
I get depressed once in a while and that depression makes me upset and gets me more depressed and i cant reach out because they never understand me , they just think i should understand their struggle not mine.
I was lowkey joking when i thought i had autism few hrs ago tbh i didn't even know what were the signs of autism. As a child when i used to get upset i used to stop talking, close the door and not talk for hours. Even now i need to "charge" my battery and not talk to anyone or meet anyone once i am back from college.
I did an AQ test from several different legit sources online and they said i am highhh on autistic spectrum and i should go to a therapist or something....
I do agree but I don't have the money for it yet and i don't know where to go .... So for now i am satisfied with the " maybe"
Any advice or suggestions? Do yall think i am autistic?

Hi! I’m having a very hard time with dealing with all the shame and guilt from getting blackout drunk almost every weekend for 6-7 years. Im only 21 and started drinking when I was 13. I was recently 6 months sober and then started to drink again in moderation, I never got really drunk but I still had a few drinks every weekend and noticed how much even drinking in moderation affects me (this lasted for 2 months) and now I’m thinking of becoming sober again.
The time I was sober I had a lot of time to think and rewind on everything that has happened over the years. I can’t help but feeling extreme shame from all the stupid stuff I have done while being blackout drunk. I have realized that I might have been a bad friend and a bad influence on some friends/peers. But at the same time i’m not sure was I a bad friend to them or were they bad friends to me. I feel it might have gone both ways.
I have also had a lot of one night stands that I regret a lot because I know I wouldn’t have done anything if I would’ve been sober. I live in quite a small town so it feels impossible for me to just move on and improve as a person when I feel like some people might still view me as the person I was before. I’m having a hard time forgiving myself because I crossed so many of my own boundaries when I was blackout drunk every weekend. I feel disgusting most of the time.
Even when I was 6 months sober I craved alcohol a lot and felt anxiety going to parties without drinking. Now it’s easier but I still crave it from time to time. And it’s easier to drink in moderation when I have anxiety of being drunk. But I want to start my journey to complete sobriety again.

Sorry I wasn’t on yesterday, it was my birthday. I’ve seen a lot of people try to spread misinformation about what’s canon and what’s not canon to the Bendy lore. So I’m here to try to clear everything up. First off here are all the official quotes referring to the canonicity of the Bendy books.
“In regards to #Bendy books and content outside of the games, I've always viewed them as fun extras for people who want more from the universe. The super talented authors/artists who work on them are given freedom to make things their own. :) To me, the games decide the canon” The Meatly
“boy that's one way to wake up a fanbase haha! yes we said it 6 months ago, but i said it more clearly without any confusion. i'll post it again here: If you see it, hear it, read it in the games that we make, it is "canon” if you see it or read it in a book, it's not 'canon'.” Mike Desjardins
Defiantly 100% Canon
This is everything that’s without a doubt 100% canon to the Bendy lore.

1. Bendy and the Ink Machine(Game)
   
2. Bendy in Nightmare Run(Game)
   
3. Boris and the Dark Survival(Game)
   
4. Bendy and the Dark Revival(Game)
   
5. Bendy: Secrets of the Machine(Game)
   
6. Bendy in Snow Sillies(Short Film)
   
7. Bendy in Tombstone Picnic(Short Film)
   
8. Bendy in Tasty Trio Trouble(Short Film)
   
9. Bendy in Cheap Seats(Short Film)
   
10. Bendy in Haunted Hijynx(Short Film)
    
11. Bendy in Hellfire Fighter(Short Film)
    
12. Bendy in Cookie Cookin(Short Film)
    

Partially Canon
This is everything that we’re uncertain about. I’ll go into a bit more depth.

1. The Joey Drew Studios Employee Handbook(Book) and The Joey Drew Studios Employee Handbook Updated Edition

These books are a special case compared to the other Bendy books because they’re not an original story. Instead it’s a collection of events from the Joey Drew Studios timeline. It simply puts dates on events we already know happened, it even includes screenshots from the games. So in universe a “Joey Drew Studios Employee Handbook” was never released but I think it’s safe to say all the information from these books can be considered canon.

1. Bendy:Crack Up Comic Collection(Book)

This is basically the same case as the handbooks. In universe a “Crack Up Comic Collection” was never released but all the comics in the book can be considered canon comics made by Joey Drew Studios.

1. The Illusion of Living(Book)

I’m genuinely unsure how to place this one. The quotes have told us that unless the information appears in the games it’s not canon. But the Illusion of Living is an in universe book. So is this not the same book as the one in the games or…? Idk, if you want to think this one is canon I wouldn’t blame you because it’s kinda confusing.
Non Canon Books with Some Canon Information

1. The Bendy Book Trilogy(Dreams Come to Life/The Lost Ones/Fade to Black)

These are original stories set in the Bendy universe. The stories in these books are non-canon but information and characters from these books can become canon if they appear in the games. The new “Dreams Come to Life Graphic Novel” also doubles down on the non canonicity of the Bendy trilogy by using the BatDR design of the Ink Demon on the cover of the book.

Hi. I'm a 25 year old person and I just wanted a safe space to share something personal that happened to me when I was about 18-19 years old. I could find the date it happened... but doing this would mean going to look through a lot of old memories. It's a good thing and also a bad thing. When it happened, one person new about what really happened and another person thought it was something else completely. I didn't think too much about it when it happened but my body body did in fact remember. I use to get full body tremors something. Like my entire body would get tense and it would force itself to shake off all the tension. Afterwards I would just feel tired. As I have gotten older, I began telling some people close to me. My reaction doesn't change at all all these years later. Sometime I think that it was my fault. Sometimes I think that that person should not have done that and I wasn't my fault. Sometimes I think, in comparison, it wasn't a big deal. But it is regardless. It was just something that happen to me.
Anyway, here is what happened. I'll start with some context first. I was always alone. I didn't really have anyone. All I have was my eldest half sister and her husband and I did almost everything with them (more him than her because she was always working). I started living with them right out of secondary school all the way to university. When I got to university, I got mixed up with a person I shouldn't have and he got very angry with me saying that he tried to guide me to be better since my parents were a waste of time. He would get really mad about it because I would talk about how I was feeling (naivety and all) and he would just say that I was stupid to put it lightly. That was the dynamic of the household at this point in time. Him being stressed about his other life things going on, plus being mad at me (especially since I didn't want to hear good reason, which if he wasn't so mean at that time I might have listened to but honestly I don't think I might have). He would curse some times, be mean, make me feel paranoid about anywhere I was (this paranoia existed before and disappeared when I left home but then came back at a point when I started living with them). I wasn't right in this either, I just kept making mistakes, and they didn't trust me.
Another point of context is that I have always had problems with my body since I was young. For this story, the problem was in my private area (I'm a girl fyi) and there was no one to talk to about it at this time and I always ended up hurt myself. I even have tears on my labia from how much I hurt myself.
So when I started getting an allowance from my parents for university and because I'm an impulsive person as well, decided to go to the doctor. I remembered taking a bus to get to school and seeing a gynecologist office. I've known it was there ever since but I just kept it in the back of my mind for a long time. I was done having all these problems so I just went. It was relatively far walk from where I use to live as well. I can't remember why I didn't take a bus but I didn't. I went in and spoke to the receptionist. She told me that the docter wasn't in office yet and I could wait for him to arrive. So I waited. When I got called into his office I was really really really scared. But I was already stuck being there so I couldn't leave . He asked me if I had a boyfriend. And I told him that I did. He asked if I have sex. (This was my long distance person) I said no. I can't remember all the old things he asked. Afterwards, he told me to go in the back room to do the ultra sound and to take off my pants. So I did. He came in the room and did a check up on my breast (over my clothes) and said then said something along the lines of "I can do the ultra sound on your stomach but I can get a better......" At this point in time, I was on a table with a man with my legs spread and I was alone. I was flustered and didn't really understand what he was telling me but I just agreed. I agreed without thing. Fuck I wished I was thinking. He did whatever he was doing and then insert a probe inside of me. It hurt. It hurt so much and he was just talking like it was a normal thing. To me, I was just trying not too move too much and flinch from the pain I was getting. When he was done, he told me to put my clothes back on and left the room. I went in the bathroom and saw that I was bleeding. I was so startled and scared by this and put on a pad that was there in the room and told him that I was bleeding. I can't remember his reaction but he just said to come sit by the table and said nothing was wrong with me. I asked about things like if my discharge was normal and he said it was fine. He gave me my ultrasound, appointment card and sent me to pay. It took all of my savings to say the least. It was raining when I was walking home. I stopped at a fast food restaurant and waited until the rain stopped. I looked at the ultrasound while I was there and called my friend and showed him. He looked at it and said something along the lines of you don't look pregnant. At some point I made it home and hid away all the things and went on with my day. I can't remember my feelings honestly. I was already going through some other things and this was just one of my many mistakes at that point in my life. Maybe that same day, her husband when looking in my room looking for none existent drugs because he saw charcoal tablets in my room. I didn't do any drugs. Maybe I smoked some weed (once in a blue moon) and smoke cigarettes all because of stress but nothing else. He found the ultrasound and appointment card and called the place. When I got back to the house I remember being confronted about something but I can't really remember what happened. I've blocked out a lot of things that happened back then. I went home for that weekend (I never went home on weekends before and when things started happening I started going home) and I received a missed call from a number I didn't know and a voice-mail. I listed to the voice mail and it was the docter. He called me back and said that I should come back to his office and that a concerned family member called. I called my friend and told him and we had a good laugh about it. I was confronted about it at some point in time by him. I only realized that he went through my things because certain things were not put back in place in my diary. When I remember when he confronted me, I asked if he did look though my drawers. I can't remember if he lied or not but I remember the conversation being that I noticed that something was not put back in place in my dairy and he said he usually does but it pack in place but didn't this time. I feel like I could put more but it would be too much. It all happened such a long time ago and I should just move on but honestly I'm still so angry about a lot of things. It's hard for me to get over. This is just one of them. Sometimes I even wonder that when I do find someone, how do I even explain this. That I'm still a virgin but my hymen was broken by a gynecologist or should I just lie and say I've had sex before and just fake it. If I say the truth would my person even want me? All I can say is that I'm trying. Good enough for me.

I am 42, turning 43 in December .
I had a stroke in August 2022.
I had to relearn how to walk, which was successful.
My vision took a big hit; I have a left field deficit that likely is not coming back. I see double. My ability to read has been severely affected.
My left arm is affected, and is now probably not going to be of much use beyond semi useful decoration.
My left hand is likely and probably going to remain non-functional.
Cognitively, I am pretty much normal. I have noticed myself having"Senior moments", and my "trivia memory"has taken a strike. For example, it takes me a struggle to remember the name of particular actors. I can tell you there IMDb information, but I'll have to be patient on recalling their actual name. For those needing clarification on "senior moments", imagine walking into a room and wondering why you walk in there. Or having to more heavily rely on Google calendar and your phone's alarm clock system to keep track of appointments. Basically, my working memory has taken a strike, so I need to rely on crutches such as these.
So why am I coming here today?
I do not know what to do with myself. Obviously, I am prone to depression from these events and consequences. I feel I have become much smaller.
I have not worked since my stroke. I would like to return to work as I am able to, likely meeting assistive technologies.
In case you are wondering, I am using speech to text to dictate this post. You shall have to excuse mistakes.
I feel like I have no direction, and with that no movement - - or at least no movement of meaning or usefulness to speak of.
In before folks start talking about going to therapy, I have been going through Kaiser for medical. The Kaiser psych department has basically sequestered me to some low tier level of"therapies"which are regulated to blocks of eight sessions max, with referrals to PowerPoint based group sessions involving DBT. While that is all well and good, there's really not much that can offer in terms of addressing specific issues that I won't get into here.
There was a program offered by the state for people who had suffered TBI, and I had attended for several months. However, I have stopped attending, because they offer services geared towards folks with a deficit in cognition. It took a while for them to understand that I knew what people meant when they said the word "spaghetti". Their activities were tantamount to various flavors of vocabulary lessons floating between SAT vocabulary prep and crossword puzzles. Please define these words you have never heard of in your life. Lack of knowledge of words you have never heard of in your life is evidence that you are cognitively impaired excuse me? Explain that one to me. I digress.
As one point of reference, somewhere along the line of trying to gear their offerings more towards what I might find useful I was asked to explain what the phrase "every cloud has a silver lining"meant; fair enough, but they're just seems to be a disconnect between help on offer and help needed.
I came here seeking advice and the experience of others who have gone through similar.
Even if you were fortunate to have your stroke and return straight back into work, I would like to hear your story.
I would also like to hear your story of how you were struck down and were able to rebuild yourself, your life, your world after your apocalypse.
I know that I can do this.
I have no map.
My compass seems to be pointing towards magnetic purple.
I need a clue.
I am looking for reorientation.
Paint me a picture, please.
Crayons might be required, but the crayons do not need to be flavored.
P. S.
I am making efforts to be social out in the real world. I am fortunate enough to be able to get myself to activities, and interact with other people in real life.
However, I do tend to be a homebody.
I am opened to questions.
Thank you in advance.

So eto na nga, I started dating this guy a few months back this year. We got close. We met on a dating app and we weren't anything exclusive. PERO he is acting otherwise. Bakit ganun yung mga lalaki nowadays? Nakakalungkot lang isipin. Lagi kami magkasama almost twice a week. We both decided not to be an item kasi di pa kami okay pareho. We were both good friends. Well at least yun ang akala ko. Then suddenly he started to make excuses. I know those are excuses because we both update each other from time to time. I felt changes all of a sudden. There were lots of instances already. Sa sobrang basang-basa ko na siya, ramdam ko na.
We were supposed to meet the other day. We planned it already. Nag move na ako ng plans ko because he told me he was sure about this plan. He knows how much I value my time and pareho kami. Ma-effort itong tao na 'to. When we are together I would feel appreciated. I feel special.
Going back, on the day that we were supposed to meet, I messaged him: See you later! He responded right away and told me he couldn't make it. I was so annoyed but I just let it pass because he said his siblings wanted to meet him that day. I ended up stalking him (I know it is not healthy but I was just so pissed that he canceled again last minute na as if our friendship and my time didn't matter). This guy always, ALWAYS posts on his story when he goes out. This is when I found out that he was hiding something from me. I got sus and checked his highlights. I didn't see the stories that were intended for his close friends anymore-- meaning he removed me from that circle. I mean, okay fine, it's his account and all, but hear me out. Having to give your full trust to a person whom you thought you could fully trust, only to discover they're hiding something from you—how would you feel? I'm not sure if it's just me. Did he need to go that far just to hide whatever it was he was doing. I just don't get it. We were so transparent with everything. We knew each other's shit and dating shenanigans (well at least ako I'm transparent). I just don't get why.
At the end of the day, I am just so sad because I know for a fact that this guy is just playing the field that I thought all along would be someone that I could be good friends with. I am cutting him off soon. For my peace and sanity.
For those asking: I confirmed that he had a close friend story because he forgot that I am friends with some of his friends too. And that he follows some of my business accounts on instagram also. Sad.

Yesterday my ex from 2021 wrote a lovely introspective about our breakup. It was a long message, but essentially said that when I was reciprocating his effort every step of the way, he began to try to max out his life and was envisioning every other partner out there that might be a better match. That I was encouraging and adored him so much that maybe, he thought, that he could do better. But that he's ashamed of thinking that and he's sorry for breaking up with me out of the blue and I had deserved better. Thankfully, he left it at saying he'd always think I'm a tremendous and attractive human, without trying to get back together. I think I would have cut him as a friend if he had asked about that possibility.
It wasn't surprising though because he's the fourth ex to do this. Which means I'm 4/4 out of all my exboyfriends coming back months or years later saying they were blind to how good we had it. They admit they were still looking toward greener pastures. That they shouldn't have because I'm so sweet, so smart, so affectionate, so cute, so sexy, so good at communication, so logical, so easy to resolve conflict with, so... everything lined up with their checkbox of what they want (but how does that make sense? They left because they wanted more so I'm not everything they wanted). 3 out of 4 have attempted to rekindle and give the relationship another try.
I've asked them about any blindspots I might have had, and they say that I was great through and through along with the relationship we had. That they wouldn't change a thing about me, except one joked it would be nice if I were an heiress, and another that said he had lied about his feelings on family planning and actually struggled with the idea of meeting my kids and becoming a stepdad but was ready now. I appreciated the candor from him and we tried again, but I ultimately didn't feel like he really wanted to date me and was settling. He was talking about engagement and delaying proposing and then fully back to being uncertain.
So I've learned that you should never go back to an ex. It'll only cause you pain. So that's not an issue or anything I need to learn.
However, how do I stop dating men who don't appreciate what they have and are going to breakup with me even when the relationship is going well? Or how can I combat their growing feeling that really good isn't enough?
And because it's reddit, I feel like I need to include that I'm not chasing the top 10%. I swipe on guys based on the bio they've written.
I've dated a range of everything. I've been down to date people as long as they've been kind, respectful, and share some of my mostly nerdy interests/hobbies. Men who are ambitious/chill, oldeyounger, attractive/not attractive (but attractive in my subjective view), paycheck to paycheck or have retirement all figured out , single dads/divorced/never married/never dated before because of social anxiety, shy/gregorious --- and you get the idea.
Even if I were stuck on someone ideal to my specifications for shallow traits it's still realistic: They'd be the type that enjoys food a little too much and would be fun to go to the gym with, so they're mostly healthy, strong, but also has a bit of a gut. Great eyes and a warm smile. I love short guys and anyone in a range around 5'3" is perfect. But height is only a preference and I've dated tall too. I'm happy dating outside my ideal as long as they're kind, respectful, and gentle.
Then the second issue, attracting creeps. I spent a year intentionally single because I felt emotionally unavailable. I hopped back into dating apps in earnest starting in January and was fine until April. April/May has been unreal. It's completely worse than anything I've encountered before. I've never dealt with anything too creepy or severe sexual harassment before, but it's everywhere I go now.
-First dates have groped me after I said no.
-Flashed their penis and rubbed it on me while in public. (Police report submitted)
-Pressured me for sex right away and this guy, a salesman by trade, was not accepting no for an answer, so I said I would next date but couldn't go to his place that night - just to get away. But messaged him after and told him that I had lied to get away, wrote 100 no's and 1 yes doesn't mean yes, and blocked him.
-I found out another was a sex offender who was convicted of digital voyeurism of a kid under 14 (and preferred Stars Wars over Star Trek, doubly troubling, just kidding 😜)
-Another man anonymously called my work, could have been a prior date or completely random, and the recording of that could be used as the start of a horror film. He wouldn't tell me who he was, but acted like he knew who I was, and then lewdly asked about my bathroom usage...
-A guy I had barely met, but was not a date with nor interested in, must have hid my phone, then sent me to grab something, got into my phone, I caught him, and listened to him justify that he liked me and just needed to know what kind of person I was before getting attached. I just said it wasn't going to happen and left. He ended up sort of stalking me for a few days before mutual friends out the kibosh on him.
I'm sick of it. I've never felt unsafe meeting people in public, I figured public places were enough protection until this month.
I don't know what I'm doing differently to suddenly be preyed on by a bunch of creeps. I think I'm acting like I always have, but I have gained weight and maybe that's why? But why only now and not in January? Is it all coincidental?

I got a TPO in April due against a man I went on one date with.
Long story short, in August, he was extremely intimidating, lied about wearing a condom, proceeded to text me bragging about it and calling me a hoe, etc. but then in the same messages said I was lying, so… I just did a police report to have a paper trail as I knew nothing would come of it, and that was fine by me. I had no urge to relive any of that, I just wanted to make sure I had it on record in case it ever escalated.
In April, seven months later, he created a new Instagram and began commenting on my posts how he “wanted to see me” and I was “so hot”, even tried to request to follow any girl I had posted a picture with. I was obviously really freaked out and went to file a TPO, as it really did scare me that this guy, after 7 months, made new accounts to try to contact me and people I know. Even if he disagrees that he made me extremely uncomfortable and intimidated… why try to harass someone who obviously doesn’t want anything to do with you months after the fact?
Anyways, my hearing is on Wednesday and I am terrified. I never wanted to have ANYTHING happen in court, I don’t want to deal with the justice system and I especially do not want to see this man again. When I did my paperwork, they told me to mark that I wanted to extend it, which I regret now. I wish I had just gotten the 45 days and let it expire. I do not want to to relive this stuff in a hearing. I don’t want to fight with this man and be called a liar. I just want to be left alone :(
The advocates said it’s too late for me to drop the TPO and that it would make me look really bad, which I understand… During this hearing, am I able to upfront say I do not want to extend the order? Nothing has happened since he was served, and I think it scared him enough that he’s backing off. I just want to move on.

Gender
If not relevant to this subreddit, please remove :)
I am a cis woman. I can confidently say that, but I do take it with a grain of salt. Because I have not always been so sure about my gender identity as I am now. I used to question my gender. Hard.
There was a period while I was questioning where, within all my questions about gender and identity and self, the worst possible outcome seemed to be cis. Back then, transness was even less accepted in society, and many online trans communities turned to exclusion of non-binary and/or genderfluid people, or generally anyone that wasn’t as clearly transgender as they felt themselves, in an effort to validate their own identity before themselves and society.
(“That isn’t real transness, we don’t claim them, they are crazy, we are the actual sane trans people. Ignore them, accept us.” Gay cis men did the same to trans people - especially trans women of color - following the stone wall riots. It’s a common reaction of any marginalised group that tries to be accepted in general society.)
Naturally, the last thing I wanted to do is invade safe spaces for trans people, take up space and resources that weren’t meant for me. I soothed myself, telling myself that my presence was valid in my pursuit of an answer. Now that I have my answer, I wonder if my experience with gender still has a space within the discussion around it.
I don’t know what it’s like to be trans.
I will never claim that.
I do know what its like not to identify with ones assigned gender at birth, and to wish the world saw you differently. As the other binary gender. Or maybe genderless.
Back then, I read an article where the trans author described a conversation they had with one of their friends, a transitioned trans man. They were asking their friend of their experience with gender dysphoria, to which the friend answered: They never had had any.
That was surprising, to both me and the author, because so far, transness had been defined by that very thing: gender dysphoria. The friend explained that they were fine with a female body, in and of itself. But they hated being viewed as a woman. They did not identify with what they had learned a woman to be. They identified as a man. So much so, that they were willing to change their physical appearance. Because you are what people view you as. How they treat you. And they did not want to be seen as a woman.
That resonated with me. My personal issues with my gender, as I realised, were deeply rooted in misogyny, both external and internalised.
Growing up, I was a headstrong little girl. I was loud, I fought with literal tooth and nail for what I wanted, I was the only girl in an anger management group for kids. In media, I associated myself with the archetype of the straight men. The ones with control over the situation, powerful, funny, strong, that saw things for what they are. In no way did I see myself in the oversexualized love interests, the ones who’s only value was connected to what they could be to their assigned man. Furthermore, I remember looking forward to growing up and having a hot woman by my side, like all of these main male characters did. Actually growing up and realising that I was meant to be - at best - that object of desire was sobering to say the least.
I wasn’t that.
I wasn’t helpless, stupid, weak. Actually. I was all of those things sometimes, as is human, but I was never, ever, ever, someone else’s. Someones girl. Adding onto that come all the expectations we have of womanhood and girlhood. Be it interests, characteristics, ways to behave and carry oneself. I wasn’t that. I was myself. Sometimes aligning with my assigned gender, sometimes not. But no matter what I did, how I carried myself and what I spent my time doing, I was always treated as a woman. And that, to me, was the worst thing of all. Still is. That people lay their eyes on me, understand me to be a woman, and then treat me like they believe a woman is to be treated, be that good or bad, regardless of how I actually am.
Altering one’s body does not feel like a dramatic price to pay in order to escape that.
To me, it was my lack of gender dysphoria that led me to accept myself as cis. I carefully tried to explore myself regardless of the gender that I am being perceived as. I know the world still views and treats me as female. I can handle it better now.
I talked to two non-binary friends of mine. I told them that if I woke up tomorrow and the whole world had forgotten what gender is, id be more than happy. Ecstatic. Relieved. I don’t feel defined by my womanhood.
They suggested that the way I feel on gender might mean that I am outside the gender binary as well. I told them no, that I am fine with who I am. I am at home in my body. Breasts, vulva, feminine facial features and all. My struggle with gender is purely external. It lies within the societal expectations, not within me. You see, I enjoy the performance of it. I am envious of femboys and drag queens who can wipe away womanhood with a cotton pad and take it off with their wigs and clothing. I am cis. But I don’t need gender. I wish gender was mine to dress up as, and not for other people to lay on me like a chain around my neck.
And I am certain that I am not the only one who feels that way. I came here wondering if anyone here can relate. Wondering what your gender means to you.
I am aware that the debate about what gender even is (a social construct, an identity, a performance) runs deep, though it’s never meant to discredit the experience of an individual.
I suppose I also ask if my experience and feelings are valid within this discussion, or if I am appropriating something that isn’t about me.

Let’s use vestigial structures as a specific example of the non-falsifiability of evolution. When it became clear, based on advancing medical science, that the roughly 180 anatomical structures that evolutionists had originally claimed were useless actually were useful, they resorted to a fall-back position, which is a classic post-hoc explanatory device. They now claim that these structures supposedly served some OTHER function in the past, but now they have another function. Crapo in 1985, for example, wrote: “This is precisely how a vestige should be defined: Not as a ‘functionless’ part of an organism, but as a part which does not function in the way that its structure would lead us to expected, given how that structure function in most other organisms.” Notice now Crapo’s analysis here also confirms how important attacking the belief in God as a wise, efficient, benevolent Creator is to evolutionists: “It is the existence of such vestiges in such organisms which evolutionary theory would very naturally predict, but which the belief in an efficient Designer would not lead us to expect a priori.” (Italics removed, Richly Crapo, “Are the vanishing teeth of fetal baleen whales useless?” 1985). This kind of fall-back position for “explaining” vestigial structures illustrates the non-falsifiable nature of evolution. When medical science confirms the a priori viewpoint of the creationist model, that all of these anatomical structures really are useful and God didn’t insert useless organs and structures into the human body, the evolutionists don’t admit that their paradigm is falsified. Instead, they simply retreat into other rationalizations to keep attacking God as a shoddy, careless, unwise engineer. Here once again the viewpoint of Cornelius Hunter’s book “Darwin’s God: Evolution and the Problem of Evil” is confirmed: Evolutionists are engaged in negative natural theology when they argue against a supernatural explanation of the natural world based upon its perceived structural flaws and moral evils. Indeed, they find it crucial and very important to supporting their paradigm to do this. Needless to say, this kind of reasoning is every bit as metaphysical as the theologian who argues that the wonders and complexity of the natural world proves God’s existence. Any claim that evolution, when it enters the world of change above the genus or family taxonomic levels, is more “empirical” than creationism, is simply false.
The example of supposedly “vestigial” organs is also a great example of how the theory of evolution slows down scientific development and research. If an anatomical structure is a priori judged to be “vestigial,” then scientists who are evolutionists aren’t likely to study it carefully for what it really does. For example, tonsils were often removed for decades from children since they were judged to be simply “useless vestiges.” Later on, oops!, it was found out that they actually do fight disease. They weren’t so useless after all. Basically all 180 organs and anatomical structures that were once listed as “useless vestiges” (in one way or another) have been found to have real functions. For instance, the “yolk sac” is used by a developing human embryo to make its first blood cells; death would result without it. The coccyx was claimed to be a remnant of our purported evolutionary ancestors having a tail, but it’s actually a crucial point for muscle attachment needed for our upright posture (and, well, for defecation). So to say this is about “prior functions” as opposed to current functions is a great example of how evolutionists attempt to escape falsification of their paradigm. They assume these “prior functions” really existed a priori, when that remains to be proven. There’s no way to test, predict, observe, reproduce the selective advantage of supposed intermediate structures for the survival of the species in question, which supposedly occurred long ago in the prehistorical past. This is yet another example of circular reasoning by evolutionists, in which they assume what still needs to be proven.
A great, focused book from a creationist viewpoint on this general subject of "vestigial" organs is Jerry Bergman, Ph.D., and George Howe, Ph.d., "'Vestigial Organs' Are Fully Functional," Creation Research Society, St. Joseph, MO, 1990.
Super erudite, extra scholarly addendum, for those interested in grinding the details:
In response to one evolutionist critic in the past, I decided to do some research on this subject in order to be able to reproduce evidence for my reference about when evolutionists said that there were around 180 vestigial organs. The key evolutionist book that originated this specific number on this subject is Robert Wiedersheim, "The Structure of man: an index to his past history," which was published in English in 1895 and translated by H. and M. Bernard (Macmillan, London), which is available online through Google books since it has an expired copyright. According to Jerry Bergman and George Howe, "'Vestigial Organs' Are Fully Functional," p. 5, he developed a detailed list of 86 vestigial organs and "about 100 so-called retrogressive organs." Here I've reproduced the list of the 86 vestigial organs. I suppose someone would have to do more research to get the list of 100 "retrogressive organs," which apparently come from the same book.
If a medical doctor is available to survey this list, would he or she say that these organs are useless? Wasn't Wiedersheim simply wrong? Do evolutionists ever admit to error in the arguments that they make for their theory? Or do they simply keep pushing the same nonsense, regardless of how many times it has been proven false?
Here is Wiedersheim's list of the human body's supposedly useless vestigial organs/anatomical structures: Os coccygis. Cauda humana.Superfluous embryonic notochord and associated somites.Embryonic cervical, lumbar, and sacral ribs.The thirteenth rib of the adult.The seventh cervical rib in the adult.The interarticular cartilage of the sterno-clavicular joint (probable vestige of the episternal apparatus).Ossa supra-sternalia.Certain centres of ossification in the manubrium sterni.The branchial clefts (for the most part) and branchial ridges.Processus styloideus ossis temporis, and the ligamentum stylo-hyoideum.Anterior cornua of the hyoid, for the greater part.Foramen caecum of the tongue.Processus gracilis of the malleus.Post-frontal bone (?)Ossa interparietalia (and ? prseinterparietalia).Processus paramastoideus of exoccipital.Torus occipitalis.Processus frontalis of the temporal.Processus coracoideus .Os centrale carpi.Processus supracondyloideus humeri.Trochanter tertius femoris.The phalanges of the fifth toe, and less conspicuously of the third and fourth toes.Muscles of the pinna and the Musculus occipitalis. LM. transversus nuchae. L. --Facial muscles transformed into tendinous expansions.Mm. plantaris and palmaris longus, when completely tendinous.M. ischio femoralis.The caudal muscles.M. epitrochleo-anconseus.M. latissimo-condyloideus.M. transversus thoracis (triangularis sterni).M. palmaris brevis.The transition bundles between the trapezius and the sterno- cleido-mastoideus.M. levator claviculae.M. rectus thoracis.M. ere master.The primitive hairy covering or lanugo.Vestiges of vibrissaeThe vertex coccygeus, the foveola and glabella coccygea.Certain vortices of hair on the breast.Nipples in men.Supernumerary mammary glands in women.Alleged vestiges of mammary pouchesSupernumerary olfactory ridges.Jacobson's organ, and ductus naso-palatinus.Papilla palatina and foliata.Plica semilunaris of the eye.Vasa hyaloidse (Cloquet's canal) of the embryo the choroidal fissure.Lachrymal glands, in part.The epicanthus.M. orbitalis.Certain varieties of the pinna of the ear, i.e. Darwin's tubercle.The filum terminale of the spinal cord.Glandula pinealis and parietal organ.The parieto-occipital fissure of the brain .The obex, ponticulus, ligula, taeniae medullares, and velum medullare anterius and posterius, of the brain.The hypophysis cerebri (pituitary body).The dorsal roots and ganglia of the hypoglossus nerve.The rami recurrentes of certain cranial nerves.Certain elements of the brachial and lumbo-sacral plexuses.The coccygeal nerve.The glandula coccygea.Palatal ridges.The sublingua.The formation of rudimentary dental papillae before the sinking of the dental ridge.The Wisdom teethThe occurrence of a third premolar (reversionary).The occurrence of a fourth molar (reversionary).The vestiges of a third dentition.The ciliated epithelium of the embryonic oesophagus.Bursa sub- and prehyoidea (ductus thyroglossus).Musculi broncho-oesophagei.The appendix vermiformis.Ventricle of the larynx (Morgagni's pouch).Lobus subpericardiacus of the lung (reversionary).Certain Valves of the veins.Certain structures of a vestigial nature in the heart.Arteria sacralis media.Arteria ischiadica.Superficial plantar arterial arch of the foot.The vena cava superior sinistra.Venae cardinales posteriores, and ductus Cuvieri.Vestiges (in the female) of the mesonephric system, and (in the male) of the Müllerian ducts.Conus inguinalis, and ligamentum inguinale.The area scroti.
See also pages 200-209 of Robert Weidman’s book, which he labels “Conspectus of Organs Mentioned in the Text” and “List of Organs According to Systems.”

(Hello, long time observer, first time caller!)
The year is 2024, and things are not looking good for the Democrats.
Joe Biden is constantly plagued by infighting within his ranks. The Democratic Party, in addition to being hamstrung by institutions that are by nature biased towards conservatives, like the innate design of the Senate, and the conservative makeup of the Supreme Court, are constantly struggling with infighting by the purist far-left, and the impotent center. On one side, they are dealing with an increasingly irrational “far-left” that refuses to the see the bigger picture of defeating Trump, as well as dealing with a middling center that frequently resorts to “both-sideism” and shrugs their shoulders instead of calling out the clear threat of Republican rule. On top of that, the Democrats have been OBSESSED with decorum, following the rules, ALWAYS compromising, and holding their members to higher standards as Republicans refuse to do so. Do you see the Republicans compromising? Following norms? Nope. The Republican apparatus, from Mitch McConnell to the fringes of the Freedom Caucus, are constantly moving in lockstep, pushing their right-wing vision through the finish line. Some, like political scientist David Faris, argue that Democrats must realize that "It's Time to Fight Dirty", after years of pussyfooting around, finally, at long last? It's as the old saying goes, “Democrats fall in love, Republicans fall in line”. It’s a situation worthy of a Greek Tragedy….
….Or is it?
Because if you speak to the average Republican voter, they will absolutely not agree with what I wrote above. Rather, it is the Democrats who are enacting win after win, and getting their left-wing agenda through their finish line while the middling Republicans trip over their shoelaces. Left-wing activists, like Antonio Gramsci, have conducted a Long March Through The Institutions, like a nation proudly marching through the battlefield and conquering their enemies. The liberals control everything.The culture. The education system. The legal system. The youth. Republicans have lost the Culture War, a war that men like Chris Rufo argue that the Right barely even attempted to fight as the Radical Left had their eyes on the ball, onwards through the battlefield. Marching on. The Left has always possessed a machiavellian spirit, and an ironclad grip on every avenue that we as Americans hold dear. Men like Jon Askonas, looking at the rubble of conservatism, ponder "Why Conservatism Failed". That’s how much the Left has won! The ideology of Conservatism itself is DEAD! Meanwhile, the conservative movement, or shall I say, Conservatism Inc., is obsessed with maintaining tired platitudes about “small government” and “low taxes” as Democrats are focused on controlling every inch of the American body. Conservatives aren’t winning, they are impotently flailing. Pathetic.
Does that really make sense? Are both the political right and the political left united in lockstep, but weak and plagued with endless infighting? Can both sides be obsessed with playing the rules and compromising, but also be steadfastly seizing control of all major institutions?
A lot of the above is me rambling, but I believe this ties back to what Gallup has reported recently, as “most Americans (71%) say that, on the issues that matter to them, their side in politics has been losing more often than winning. Just a quarter say their side has been winning more often than losing.” The article also mentions that this varies based on which party is in power, and is right now "eight-in-ten Republicans and Republican-leaning independents (83%)" as well as "six-in-ten Democrats and Democratic leaners (62%)". But this a sentiment I have noticed the past several years. Dare I say, “Both sides”, having identical complaints about their political allies.
Republican voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Democrats' rules, while the Democrats are motivated and pressing forward with their left-wing agenda.
Democratic voters complain that their side is obsessed with following norms, espousing platitudes, and playing by the Republicans’ rules, while the Republicans are motivated and pressing forward with their right-wing agenda.
Our side is obsessed with compromise. Their side never compromises.
Our side is obsessed with preserving “muh norms”. Their side couldn’t give a shit about norms.
Our side is constantly held to a higher standard. Their side is constantly treated with kid gloves.
Our side is fighting with a knife. Their side is fighting with a gun.
Our side always holds ourselves accountable. Their side never holds themselves accountable.
Now, I am someone who leans more on the political left (especially the economic left), but this is a sentiment I see expressed by a lot of Republican and Democratic voters, who both feel like they are the unfairly maligned underdog.
The staticy of our current federalist, two party, FPTP system creates a significant amount of deadlock, especially as the two parties realign on class, geographic, and educational lines. Landslide elections are becoming less and less common. Neither Republicans nor Democrats seem to have the ability to break through landslide sweeps and reshape the country with a governing mandate, instead dealing with gridlock and incrementalism that is inherent to the American experiment.
I believe this situation leads to both groups of voters turning back to a comforting narrative of how their side is effectively persecuted by various forces. How their side is always held to a higher standard compared to the opposition. How they have been plagued historically by infighting and a fetish for norms and holding your pinky up.
Now, I’m not giving my opinions on which side is correct. Democrats are at a disadvantage in the Senate (I think that is partially due to Democrats bleeding away rural votes over decades). Republicans are at a disadvantage in mainstream culture (I think that is due to an incompatibility with social conservatism and capitalism, but that’s another discussion for another day).
I am simply stating that I have observed this exact same sentiment among both Republican and Democratic voters/pundits. Whether it’s left-leaning internet forums, or conservative talk radio, I see and hear the exact same lines, but flip a few words. How our side is impotent, infighting, and constantly snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, unlike our enemies. Republicans and Democrats, faced with years or decades of painful incrementalism, at best, resort back to the same narrative. Our side is weak and divided, their side is strong and united.