Orignial Post
Day 5 of going cold turkey on all my addictions, Success!

1. Nicotine - temptation 4/10, no usage
2. Sugar - temptation 9/10, no usage
3. Caffeine (specifically energy drinks) - temptation 5/10, no usage.
4. Pornography - temptation 2/10, no usage.
5. Fast food - temptation 3/10, no usage.
6. Social Media Scrolling - temptation 5/10, no usage
7. Alcohol - temptation 0/10, no usage

First brush with real temptation today.
In the morning the gf sent me to get some bread at our local bakery. As I was waiting in line I could smell the pastries and... oh my god. The air was alive with the aroma of cinnamon rolls, donuts, and croissants, merging together to create the ultimate discipline killer. It was the kind of scent your new year's resolution has nightmares about.
I don't know how long I was waiting there in line, all I know is my eyes were locked on a rack of glistening chocolate-glazed donuts the whole time.
Before I opened my mouth to order, my mind flashed an image me of buying a donut and scarfing it down outside before heading home. I saw myself vividly there, right outside the bakery door, devouring 300 calories of flour dough and chocolate glaze in 3 bites or less.
What's striking to me now about this image is that there is zero enjoyment in it, it's just me scratching the itch to have something I want. I smelled something I liked, so I just HAD to have it. And the fact that this idea came and went like a bolt of lightning, between the time I heard "can I help you?" to when I responded with my order, really tells me something about my subconscious. My impulse issues are embedded deep. That's the nature of addiction, I suppose.
At least I didn't actually do it.
See ya tomorrow✌🏼

I work at a fast food restaurant. I’m supposed to make sure food is correct before I hand it out. I look at the ticket and it did not match the food.
I asked my shift manager what was placed in drive thru and she said it was supposed to be for the person at the window but it wasn’t matching so I just simply said I didn’t think it was for the person at my window.
All of a sudden she just goes “just let me deal with it because YALL keep fucking shit up.” At this point I am fed up because I have dealt with so much shit from this one person particularly. I responded with “I didn’t fuck anything up so idk why you’re talking to me like that.”
She tried to tell me to shut up and I wanted to stand up for myself for once, so I didn’t. She started yelling, I yelled back. Then she just tells me to get the fuck out and “she can’t deal with this tonight.” As if she just completely didn’t start anything with me. So I said, “stop talking to people with a shitty attitude and you wouldn’t deal with it.” And left.
I told the actual owner about it and she really blatantly lied and said “I said the trays are fucked up.” “You started yelling at me.” It’s really just a he-said-she-said situation and because of that there was no resolution. The owner just said be cordial and don’t say anything about each other, and to not bring it up from now on.

Clear, Strong and Open. That is how i describe the sound coming out of it trough my JBL Control One speaker set. I can not complain one bit. For a somwhat lower to midrange amp i am blown away.
What kind of music it does well with: Pretty much anything. Im not liying. Acoustic, Orchestra, Rock, etc it does make it feel alive and the louder you go the more it shines. Using the direct source mode it only amplifies and coming from my AE-9 without any EQ. Listening to Lofi Hip-Hop it goes surprisingly deep and without making it muddy. Mids and highs are clear but not sparkling making for an easy and comfortable listening experience (for me).
I have gone rather high up with the volume and i cannot notice any degredation or hear any distortion. Listening to my favourites i did sometimes think it was distorting but that was actually the music itself. Additionally i only hear a little white noise when nothing is playing which is nice. (at highest volume)
For around 100€ (similar in dollar) It is a perfect budget amp that can bring a lot of joy. it is rated 2x50 at 4ohm and 2x35 at 8ohm both dynamic Source: https://www.hifi-wiki.de 2 × 42 watts, channel 1 + 2 at 8 Ohm and 2 × 63 watts, channel 1 + 2 at 4 Ohm at up to 1% distortion. Source: https://amp-performance.de
Id like to hear your experience with it and the other amps from that series as there is relatively little to be found online.

I (25M) matched with a girl (24F) on hinge. We were texting each other once every day or so for just over a week then organised to go on a date. The date went great - she did mention that she has accounting exams coming up soon with her job so she was going to be busy the next couple of months. But we both had a great time and I had no doubts we wanted to see eachother again after the date - she even gave me her umbrella to take home as it was raining and she got a taxi home.
We continued texting once a day - finding out more in common and I mentioned that I’m a fan of Mexican food and she said she is too and she said that could be our next date idea. She then asked when I was free and I booked a restaurant (2 weeks after the first date as she was busy due to a family wedding the weekend after the first date). She also mentioned that as it’s September now, it’s go time in terms of revision.
We met up at the restaurant and the date went fine, again no doubts and lots in common. She mentioned that due to a health condition she doesn’t like to drink alcohol when it’s super hot so she ordered a mocktail instead with her food.
We then went to a rooftop bar afterwards which I’d booked as the weather was really warm. When we got to the rooftop, the girl said it feels hotter up here than it does downstairs (which it did) and she asked me to push a button on my side of the table (I think she assumed it may have been connected to a fan). But when I pushed the button the outdoor heaters turned on which was quite embarrassing and the people in the bar started laughing. I laughed too but it did throw me off and make me feel awkward. The girl did apologise to me and them and was laughing too.
But we sat down and continued chatting - I felt the conversation wasn’t flowing as well due to the awkwardness but there were no awkward silences. I ordered a cocktail but the menu was a little limited for mocktails - I did ask her if she wanted to go somewhere else but she said don’t worry it’s ok. She ended up just having water.
Once i finished my drink, she said she’s going to head off so we walked to the train station together - we didn’t stay at the rooftop for very long. I was still feeling awkward as the last part of the date didn’t go how I’d hoped but I asked if she wanted to go out again and she said yeah definitely so I gave her a quick kiss and said bye.
I messaged her on instagram while I was on my way home and just gave her my phone number and said let me know when you’re home.
She texted me that evening and said ‘hey thanks for dinner tonight - honestly next time you have to let me get the bill! It was v good to see you again. Hope you got home okay x’.
I replied that Thursday evening and said ‘hey no worries it’s all good, but you’re organising the next one’. She then reacted to that message with a little heart on Saturday and said ‘how’s your Saturday been, sorry for the late reply been super busy my sister is visiting😂’ - she did mention that her sister was visiting before we went on the second date. I replied on the Sunday with general convo. She replied on the Monday as usual, being communicative, telling me about her weekend and all the things she did and also asking me more about what I was doing. She also said ‘so not a productive weekend in terms of revision😭’
I replied on the Tuesday, making general conversation again. I didn’t hear back from her on Wednesday, Thursday (which was when I started to get anxious) or Friday. I assumed she had a busy week with work and revision so I’d hear back Friday evening. I also noticed that at some point after the second date she changed one of her prompts on her hinge dating profile - a small change from ‘give me travel tips to Thailand’ to ‘give me travel tips to Miami’. She didn’t update any pictures or anything else and as we’d only been out twice I’m guessing this is normal? She also mentioned on the second date that she’d booked her Miami holiday.
I still didn’t hear back from her and then made a massive mistake Saturday morning and sent her another message which said ‘if you weren’t interested why not just say. You’re a bit of an arsehole to say you wanna go out again, pay and all that then just ignore me’. She responded an hour and a half later and said ‘I wasn’t trying to ignore you - I was genuinely busy this week. But you calling me an arsehole is so uncalled for and tbh I don’t want to see someone who’s going to call me names so I’d rather just call it a day’. I called to try and apologise but she didn’t pick up so I messaged ‘I get you’re busy with exams. Like I fully understand that but it takes 2 seconds to say hey I’m busy right now I’ll get back to you. Tbh it comes across like you’re not interested and a bit rude. So I’m sorry I called you an arsehole but I called you as I wanted to chat to you quickly’. She replied and said ‘sorry missed your call - I’m out. Yeah fairs I get that but the exams are my priority. I feel like I’ve said what I need to say and think it’s just best if we leave it here’. I messaged again trying to sort it out but she didn’t reply. I gave it three weeks and apologised more sincerely and she said it’s all good no hard feelings but she’s got a lot on right now so she doesn’t think it would be best to give it a second chance. I said if it’s the exams I don’t mind if you wanna speak again after they’re all done, but she didn’t reply to that message.
I reached out again after a couple months as I saw her on the same dating app and her profile was updated with new pictures and she said she just doesn’t see this going anywhere and good luck with everything - she then blocked me. I’m assuming she was finished with her exams by this point.
I fully understand that I was completely in the wrong with the way I reacted and I’ve learnt the lesson and won’t ever speak to anyone like that again - I regret it so much because I could see myself liking her and she honestly seemed like the most perfect girl, although we only went on 2 dates and spoke for a month. But do you think it was me calling her an arsehole that caused her to end it (completely valid if so) or if she just wasn’t feeling it before this and I gave her an easy way out?

Couldn’t post this on the original subreddit I wrote it for since it breaks their rules about discussing relationships, so I’m gonna post it here instead.
I, (18F) have recently gotten a job and made friends with a girl we will call Jessica (18F) who I recently started clubbing with. We’ve only been friends for about a month and she brings along quite a few long term friends when we go out.
Where it gets complicated is when her friend (18?M) was introduced to me last weekend. Let’s call him Sebastian. I thought he was attractive, but after she told me she was kind of crushing on him I decided I was definitely not going to make any moves on him. The only part that confused me was that same night is when she decided to fully drop her ex since she was still talking to him and trying to get back together up until that point. I don’t know if she’s over him fully even now since the breakup is really fresh and they were together for over a year from what I remember. Because of the situation with her ex, I didn’t think she liked Sebastian THAT much, just kind of thought he was hot that night. Even so, I wasn’t gonna make any moves since I had just met him and didn’t know anything about him yet.
Later that night, Jessica came up to me and looked kind of sad, but not in a very serious way. Like putting on a joke sad face like an, “Aw I’m so bummed!” kind of expression. She said that Sebastian told her he thought I was hot, but I reassured her that if I was his type then the chances of her being his type was high, and that I wasn’t interested anyways. Looking back, me and her don’t necessarily have the same style. I get branded as “emo” by the way I dress and do my makeup and she is kind of borderline alternative but nothing that would make her look out of place, she just doesn’t dress boring. Her and I are also both bi and joke flirted with each other for most of the night after that conversation. I am also the kind of person to make out with people at the club which I know is definitely not for everyone but I ended up getting with a few people that night, which 2 of them were seen by Sebastian when I was dancing with them, so I thought for sure he would lose interest and go for Jessica instead.
Everything was great with Jessica at work after this and we got even closer. Last night we went out again and predrank together, so we were flirting before we even left to go to the club. There were even more of her friends last night that came and I met another guy who we will call George (19???M) not exactly sure how old he is but still definitely in the age range of the group. He immediately took interest in me, but I think most people who were there noticed both him and Sebastian flirting with me. We were also all pretty drunk at this point. I ended up making out with Jessica in front of Sebastian and George MULTIPLE TIMES, but somehow everyone pieced it together that Jessica was crushing on Sebastian.
As the night went on, Sebastian and George were both talking to me more and more. I was definitely getting along very well with both of them but could see that Jessica was getting more and more distant. I also have autism and have been told by my friends that I have a very flirtatious personality, but I genuinely don’t always realise when I’m flirting because me trying to be nice can come across that way, which I know is a struggle for other autistic people I’ve met. I also don’t always know when someone is flirting with me. Let’s just say when I’m drunk my “flirtatious personality” is amplified by A LOT. Every time I was speaking with George, Jessica was encouraging me and asking me if I was interested, which I just replied, “I don’t know.” which was true. Another one of my autistic traits is struggling with knowing whether my feelings for others are platonic or romantic or even sexual. Half the time I genuinely have no clue how I feel about someone.
George’s flirting was also a lot more obvious than Sebastian’s. Me and Sebastian were mostly talking about Radiohead because we both listen to him, which I could tell made Jessica feel really jealous. That wasn’t my intention, I was just having a general conversation. George on the other hand was talking about how his type was emo girls and saying things like “I can fix her” to me. I think my flirting with Jessica was the most obvious since it was intentional and we were both flirting with each other. One of their mutual friends came up to Sebastian when him and I were talking and told him, “Jessica is getting really jealous.” This confused him heaps since I guess he was the only one who didn’t know she liked him. He asked why and I said “It’s because you’re talking to me.” I got super overwhelmed and felt like I had ruined the night for everyone so I got up from our table and stood off to the side trying to calm down. I called Jessica over and gave her a big hug asking if she was okay because she looked super down. She said she was genuinely fine and became all smiley again, so we all went back to the dance floor.
I saw a guy I had made out with a few times at this club and we started dancing together. We ended up making out again and when I went back to the group Jessica seemed to have cheered up. That was until Sebastian started talking to me and then after a bit she had moved away from me with the other girls and wouldn’t even look at me when I tried dancing with her or talking to her. When the place closed and we had to leave she didn’t speak to me once and left without saying bye to me. Sebastian was supposed to be going with her but she left him too, so Sebastian, George and I were all stood there and I felt so bad. I was so drunk at this point and just started freaking out. Both of them tried calming me down and asking what happened. I was still panicking and saying how Jessica hates me and will never speak to me again and I’ve ruined everything. The part I probably shouldn’t have said was that she’s gonna hate me forever because I think Sebastian’s hot and she thinks Sebastian’s hot but according to her Sebastian thinks him hot but also I think she’s hot and everyone’s hot so blah blah blah. Basically I just freaked out and was way too honest. They both reassured me it would be fine and she’d get over it in the morning and Sebastian said he’d fix it and give her a kiss or something.
Skip to today, I texted her when I woke up asking her how she was feeling and she was super dry which isn’t like her at all so I apologised saying I genuinely didn’t mean for any of it and again she was dry and stopped replying to me. Sebastian also messaged me saying it’s all fine and she’s talking to him like normal as if no issues happened, so now I know she’s just really upset with me. I honestly feel like a terrible person because even though nothing happened between me and Sebastian I feel like I completely ruined my friendship with Jessica and now I have to go to work tomorrow which she will probably ignore me at even though all I want to do is talk it through. I honestly feel like it’s all my fault so how do I mend our friendship?

So, I’ve recently replayed AC Odyssey 6 years finishing it within a month of its release. RDR2 came out also later that month and wanted to finish Odyssey before. DLCs played when they came out.
My overall thought? Loved it and probably more than during my original play through. DLCs included.
Ground Combat: I don’t consider myself an expert in reviewing mechanics and all but all I know is I liked it back then and I liked it still now.
Naval combat: I truly didn’t like that aspect back in 2018. In 2024, highly enjoyed it. were the ship upgrades a thing when the game first released? I couldn’t remember it but I might have been dumb enough to not notice it then🤦🏻‍♂️
Mercenaries/Cult: let them come! Once more, tended to avoid them in 2018 and this time fully embraced being constantly hunted down. ‘Easy’ gear and resources and nice challenges here and there. Where it’s chaos in a fort and you got 3 to 4 mercenaries fighting you at once, that’s pretty cool. Although I tended to avoid making too much of a fuss. Basically, contrary to 2018, I wasn’t constantly paying out my bounty. For the ‘hunting down the cult’ mechanic, wish they will continue this approach in all future games.
Setting/environment/map: the game’s main selling point and boy do they deliver. Was beautiful back then and still is. Gorgeous game. I feel like they also added a few viewing points vs. the original release.
Main Story: Still remembered the story so skipped most of the cutscenes. Preferred the Origins story but in no way does it take away from the pleasure of playing.
DLCs: same as the main story. Preferred the Origins DLCs but still enjoyed the ones this one has although they could have done better with the Hidden Blade Legacy one. We could remove it altogether and the game would be just fine and one could argue even better.
AC Odyssey is kind of like the Avatar of games. Visuals and world are breathtaking with a story and characters that are lackluster. However, if the latter is not the reason you decided to play the game, you’re gonna have a blast. Plus, personal opinion, I don’t think Avatar’s story was that bad. Simple yes but well-executed enough for what it wanted to tell. I reckon the same with Odyssey. The fuss made around it should not make you not want to play for everything else makes up for it. Nevertheless, I agree it isn’t that awesome that it made me want to go through it all again on this playthrough.
I finished all stories and reached level 95. I was level 80 when I started the Atlantis DLC. Never felt like I had to grind. I take every opportunity to pick up resources but it never felt like a chore per se. Now, my goal is to reach 99 and maybe try to 100% it.
PS: the Corfu storyline was definitely not there during the initial release right? Given that I had not played it, this one I didn’t skip the cutscenes. It was fun too and didn’t expect it.

[---Buffs---]
HANK!

1. Charging time : 3s-2.5s
   
2. Added tank trait
   
3. Its GONNA Blow (Sp ) : 10%-15% efficiency
   
4. Hp value 10800-11200
   

( Despite this SHRIMP got huge BUFFS yet still staying on the bottom of the tiers ,is really unideal For that being. This should make him put more pressure and be a little defensive on close range scenario's . Also his sp where he gets his speed buff should be increased as it is only a 10% increaseal )
BARLEY

1. HP value: 4800-5000
   
2. Reload speed increased by 5%
   

( I tried not to give everyone a DMG change since DMG inflation is continuously rising over time.... Soo tried some alternative options tbh. )
JACKY

1. Rebuild ( Gadget ) area coverage: 3x3 -4x4

TARA

1. Both of her spawnables hp from SP increased ---( 2400-3200)---( 3000-3800)---

( Nobody's Talkin about how she fell off in the last few months.
BTY tried a different buff for her. What I've seen is what her spawnables hp from both of her SP is still the same even aftrr the universal stat buff. No wondy why her spawnables are soo fragile RN. )
JANET

1. Attk range: 8.33-9 blocks/tiles

( Hot take but the only thing that i suffer when playing janet is how low her range is.... As a marksman, she just..... Doesn't seem too have enough range, AKA underwhelming ..... Havin that low of attk distance also makes her more fragile, TBH i think this single buff is enough to give her a substantial improvement. )
DARRL
1.Steel hoops SP : Effect duration 2s-3s

1. Projectile amount : 5-4 DMG Distribution ==> 480--600 per projectile
   
2. Rolling reload: now also grants CC immunity for 1s
   

( Darrls viability is slowly descending due to better picks and HCS ( OFC ) but instead giving a basic Hp Buff, i thought what about buffing his steel hoops, as now he can be more aggro with his playstyle as he will be alot tankier . Also with the second change, he can do more consistent chip DMG even at max/mid range)
BULL

1. Projectiles amount 5-4 ( Main ATTK DMG distribution: 880-1100)
   
2. Super dash speed increased by 25%
   
3. Hp value : 10000-10400
   

( As i knew it, as more characters getting HCS including tanks, those ones whos viability is mostly bcuz of HC are getting heavily powercrept... Also dont forget the uni: HC nerf. I tried to make his super just a little less dodgable by making the dash speed higher , aand as same as darrl, reduced his projectile amount soo he can deal more consistent chip DMG at maximum range )
DOUG

1. Base healing: 1200-1600
   
2. Added tank trait.
   

ASH

1. FULL Rage gained from receiving DMG : ==>125%- 100% of his base hp
   
2. Rage bar now decays 15% slower
   

( He is also powercrept due to not having a HC as tanks get the most benefit from it and get the most sufferings without it...BUT, recently i am seeing that, as more characters are getting HCs, tanks HCs are also getting powercrept. Those HCS are still Strong tho ...... But i dont think a single HC will make him alot better. This change should let him be more AGGRO tbh )
[--MISCELLANEOUS BUFFS--]
HIEST SAFE: Base HP increased by 25% Upto ==>(80000-100000 hp)

 2. Now has a Damage cap of 5000 per second 

( Do i need to say somtin?.... HIEST recently has been INSANELY powercrept due to more high DMG dealing characters as well as balance changelogs, this sure is a necessary change RN, also keep in mind that the DMG cap is set to per SEC, not like single 5k burst DMG.... That means any higher DMG than 5k on that specific sec will be cancelled )
[---DeBuffs---]
ANGELO

1. movement speed reduced to fast when charging attks ( from very fast)
   
2. SCR : 2-2.5 shots
   
3. Main attk DMG : 4400-4000
   

( Absolute insane marksman RN... The HIGH DMG combined with his insane speed is ridiculous )
MELODIE

1. Dash range reduced by 25%
   
2. Base SCR : 4-5
   
3. SCR from notes cut in HALF.
   
4. notes no longer charges form special targets including heist safe.
   

Misc: 1. After hitting a main shot, notes will no longer Dmg target's on the middle of the attacker ( Nerf )
( INSANELY high mobility and Very fast SCR... Considering how easy to hit shots TBH.... Also nobody's giving a Fuck about it... But for some reason, when applying her basic attk, the notes appear literally from her a-- inside..... , Dealing 2760 per attks... Even if all 3 of your notes are charged, u still do insane Dmg with that goffy ahh gimmick. [ 920 from basic attks+ 1840 from the notes ] this substantially increases her Burst DMG value... also once she gets her super... its pretty easy to cycle it with her notes as the notes charge rate is the same as the base SCR, aka 4 hits......Allowing her to do absurd teamwipes . Also the inability to charge notes from special targets will make her an insane Victim of spawners like Nita and Jessie )
PIPER

1. DMG value: ==>3400-3200
   
2. Autoaimer (gadget) : knockback removed, and increased slowness by 300% ( 0.5-2.0s slow ) and DMG increased to 800 from 160
   

( Having two jail free cards as a marksman are already insane, soo one of them should be tuned down, this gadget change will let her intruder's aproch slower but will not cancel their attks . Mainly the intention is , there should be a way to counter her Greatly in close scenarios.
And talk about her DMG, IMO way overtuned, way too much rewarding when shot hits , needs a balance between like what happened to Nani. )
SANDY

1. HCR : 60%-40% ( 1.66-2.5 supers )

( His HC is incredibly strong AF, As if it wasn't enough..... )
JESSIE

1. HCR : 60%-50% ( 1.66-2 Supers )

( got overtuned TBH, getting that much 10k hp turrets are just too overwhelming )
BYRON

1. Base healing/DMG: 760-720

( Ok i am sorry, but IMO his Dmg/heal got way overtuned.... I already Kinda doubted that after this change he might need a small Nerf... But at the same time... I think he will still be really Good )
CHARLIE

1. Spiders hp decay increased ( 10%-20%) Upto 10-5s spiders endurance .
   
2. Super : victim can now breakthrough the super with its ammo ( each ammo cuts one of five decays from the super , thats means upto -60% super duration if the victim has all the ammo. 5s-2s upto )
   

Or:
• Victims can now reload and heal up with 30% less efficiency

1. Attk unload delay: 500ms-750ms

( IDK how to balance her super TBH. She has to be one of the most unserious character supers I've seen. A fast paced multiplayer game where u always have to be active, Havin a character who literally makes u being idle for a decent period of time.... Like even if the super were 3s, she still will be good... Bcuz of how her super works. her Allie's including herself, gets a huge advantage in many scenarios, because 5s is still enough to do the impossible in ongoin matches, atleast in competitive. Soo increasing the decay again will let her and her allies do less amount of crazy plays and other shit. But if u have any ideas, just let me know how to balance her super properly
but what can i see for now which needs a deserved change is that the spooders gadget Imo is still pretty braindead and strong at the same time.... 10s of endurance if doesn't get damaged helps her soo much for control , this especially helps with single non pierce attkers . This should do the damn job
*BUFFS , DEBUFFS and CHANGES *
MANDY
--CHANGES--

1. first star power is now baseline. it is replaced with THE new SP ( In my sight's)..... Which increases the upper and lower view point by 15% in focused mode...

( IMO her 1st SP is a must for her kit..... So i tried making her 1st sp baseline as I think, she is quiet unviable without it....)
CHESTER
--buffs--

1. Main Attk DMG: ==( 1280-1400)
   
2. SCR : 7-- 6 bells
   
3. Poprocks super now have a throwing range similar to other spawners like Nita.
   

--REWORKS--

1. 2 nd sp now reveals enemy's ammo bar and charge rate ( CHARGE RATE bar amplifies like lous freeze bar)
   
2. 1 st SP now removes one cap bell attack and cycles between 2-3 bells
   

(Although OUR Mighty JESTER dosent have any good competitive purposes, he still feels awfull in Ladder as well.... bumping the DMG will make his long range shots more rewarding and reworking his 1st SP will reduce his Burst DMG buuuut, this SP will indeed increase his Consistency over DMG even more...)
KIT ( SIZABLE REWORK )
--Buffs--

1. after leeching out from an allie, he will gain 33% of his super back
   
2. Super duration when leeched on allies 10s-12s
   

--DEBUFFS--

1. MAIN attk DMG : 2000-1600 ( revert)

--changes ( Reworks )--
1.Power hungry ( SP) : renamed to " Enter context ". When leeched to an allie, his allie will passively Charge its super similar to kit himself, but it will be 20% less effective.

1. Cardboard box ( gadget) : renamed to "Enter context" will increase leached allies movement speed by 25% for 5s
   
2. Overly attached ( SP) : renamed to " Enter context" . Will get 40% DMG when super is applied to opponents and targeted victim will receive 20% more DMG from all source's. The Dmg buff also Includes kits super DMG.
   
3. Cheeseburger ( Gadget) : will now heal kit even if he isn't leeched to any allies. But it will be 30% of his max HP. And now has a maximum healing cap of 4000 . ( small Nerf) so no more Kit + Big tank combo.
   
4. After leeching out of an Allie, he will gain 25% DMG reduction for 5s
   

( Tried to make him actually decently supportive rather assassin type. Hot take but kits whole system is just messed up. From gadgets being not supportive enough to SPs being very situational. One thing i also noticed that, supportive characters who has shorter range generally suffers more than the other supports. And not to mention, his super is not that consistent. After leeching out of an Allie, he literally losts his whole damn super and considering he has no other way to fastly charge his super except attacking others opponents, which he suffers again cuz he has short range , low burst and low Hp. So He has to passively charge it most of the time. Which takes a while where 20s to be exact. So i tried to make his super just a little more cyclable and tried making his whole gadget, SP reworked . To make him supportively better. Soo lastly, WDYT? Did i overdo it, or like overbuffed him? Let me know tho. For any improvements)
FRANK
--Buffs--

1. he can now attank while walking. ( very slow when Attacking , doesn't apply to super )
   
2. Main attk Range increased by 0.33 block/ tile . ( 6-6.33 blocks
   
3. Super attk range increased by 0.66 block/tile ( 7-7.66 blocks )
   

--MYTHIC gear--

1. Will gain 66% of the super back if the previous super gets interrupted

--Debuffs--

1. Hp value : 14000-12000

( I .... Genuinely don't know how to make uim viable, where almost EVERY SINGLE damn characters somehow counter him ... But what can i see about this change is that he can now have some sort of mobility when proceeding attks )
LILY
--Buffs--

1. Ammo amount increased to 2 ( Same delay as Fang )

--Debuffs--

1. Vanish ( gadget ) : now has a 1s delay uppn Activation

( Really gets Carried over this gadget, yet soo fragile without it. )
CHUCK
--Debuffs--

1. Cant place polls in a HIEST safe ( in a radious of 4 tiles )

--Buffs--

1. Reload speed 2000ms-1800ms
   
2. projectile speed 1750-1860
   

--CHANGES ( small reworks) --
1 .autoaiming outside the polls will no longer place one , instead all poles now need to be placed manually.

1. Reroute gadget will pick up the nearest pole instead of last placed pole. The gadget Will Still pick up poles even if the super is Charged

( Outside heist and few hotzone maps.... He recently started to become outshined by other controllers. His kit is really weird as it only works decently on specific modes and maps. Soo kinda tried to rework some of his base stats .
And this change to his super will let him do more good pole placements soo he can do more controlling attribution for his team.. although WDYT?.
SAM ( SIZABLE REWORK)
--Changes--

1. 1st SP is now baseline. it is replaced with ( insert name ) which upon deploying his super, he will be immune to all CC for 1.5s
   
2. 2nd SP is now reworked, after launching his super, after 10s, he will instantly charge his super. (Doesn't passively charge bty )
   
3. 2nd gadget is now reworked as well to ( insert name ) . It is like sprouts one, when knuckle Busters are on the ground , using this gadget will automatically home in to himself and will deal 1800 DMG
   

( He is completely dependent on his 1st SP ... IMO making it baseline is important, second of all... Both of his 2nd gadget and SP is Dogshit.... It really need some love... Soo tried this Rework to remove some of Sam's weaknesses. Also. Is the first SP rework good or just made it too strong ?, let me know)
OR, ( Quickfix)

1. knuckle Busters pickup timing reduced by half .
   
2. Hp Value: 10800-11200
   

MAISIE
--buffs--

1. Base SCR : 4-3

--Debuffs--

1. Disengage gadget will be disabled when proceeding super
   
2. Tremors ( SP ) duration : 2s-1s
   

( A SINGLE CHANGE, singular, not plural .... Just made her literally fall from a skyscraper to below average, and i kinda knew it, a character whos equally consistently dependent on its super and attk , having a same SCR ans SSR is a must have..... Which Maisie had.... Which also maded her consistent. But IMO reverting jt will be a stupid ass idea, soo i tried some other good ways to tone it down. Like the tremors SP, which Imo is one of the biggest reason she was able to cycle supers that much... Like the slow was soo much that she could even even Autoaim most of the time and EZLY get her super back.... And dont get me started when it is combined with that stupid disengage gadget combo, she literally gets like twice the range of her Normal super.... And people barely gets any time to react. )
FANG
--debuffs--

1. SRR : 45hits
   
2. Super DMG: 2400-2200
   

--buffs--

1. Main attk DMG : 2720-2800
   
2. Super dash speed: 4000-4500
   

HYPERCHARGE Tweaks

1. HCR : 20%-30% -- ( 5-3.33 supers)

(fresh kicks SP has been always a must pick for his kit, and now because of his buffed SCR , this SP just straight makes him to be able to destroy low-mid ladder player matchmakings . Although he is counterable in competitive matches. But knowing the fact that 70% of the whole player base are casuals, i think he actually needs a super Debuff, cuz NOBODY likes to get teamwiped in a matter of seconds. He was already pretty solid IF U PLAYED HIM well enough which most of the people weren't. After his SRR buff, he already became STUPIDITY braindead as it is pretty EZ TO cycle supers.
Now i just wanna make him skill based as how he was before sep 2023. The main thing that i noticed was his SRR change is what made him less skill
Tried to revert it. But also giving him some buffs to balance thing's out.
GUS ( Rework to supportive gimmicks )
--Buffs--

1. spirit heal: 1600-2000

--CHANGES--

1. Hitting a Spirit Charged attk on a wall will now spawn a Ghost as well
   
2. 2nd gadget: removed HP sacrificial ( 5%-0% ) And next attk upon Activation will spawn 2 spirits
   

( Really hoping this will make him shine again, tried to make him supportively viable by making the spirits actually useful for healing his Allie's. Keep in mind that the sprits healing buff is an indirect buff to his 1st SP as well. Allowing his allie to heal upto 4000 which is pretty substantial. And adding some kind of CC to him soo he can atleast retreat with THIS but added additional nerf to it for a compensation. )
LOU
DEBUFFS:

1. Hypothermia SP : Max DMG reduction. 50%-35%

BUFFS:

1. Projectile speed : 4000- 4200
   
2. SCR : 8-7 shots ( without SCR gear )
   

HYPERCHARGE tweaks (DEBUFF)

1. Hypercharged super insta freeze -70% of the freeze bar will be filled

( Same is COLGATE, not any big problems on his main kit, except his HYPERCHARGE.... Buuut supercell really likes to kill a character whos main issue isn't his base kit. also his hypothermia SP is kinda getting slept on as how secretly STRONG AF it is. You can still almost insta freeze any enemy with HCed super combined with Cyro Shyrup )

First time posting. Looking for advice and opinions regarding phone monitoring and trust in a relationship after it's been broken. I'm not interested in any advice on wether or not I should end the relationship. TL:DR at the bottom.
I met my boyfriend at work. (I know, dating coworkers isn’t a great idea, but here we are). I developed a crush on him, and after several months I eventually asked him if he’d be interested in going out/hooking up He hadn’t been in a relationship in over 10 years, and was a bit of a loner. His previous girlfriend was his first. They were together 7 years. She constantly cheated on him and left him, before they finally split for good. My boyfriend still suffers some PTSD from it, and has developed a bit of an avoidant attachment style.
We began seeing each other early last year and became intimate quickly. I felt myself falling for him rapidly, but one thing that began to bother me after several months of seeing each other is that he didn’t seem to be very interested in making our relationship official. I had asked him several times if we could be exclusive/boyfriend and girlfriend, but he always seemed to dodge the question.
A few times during my visits to his apartment, he had let slip that he’s still talking to his ex, and he still has feelings for her. This made me worried. I asked him many times to clarify where I stand with him, but he was never able to answer. During one of my visits, he told me that his ex had sent him nudes. I asked if he had sent any back. He said he didn’t. I asked him if we’ve been exclusive since we started seeing each other. He said we had been, and we agreed to continue being exclusive, even if we weren’t official yet.
After about 5 months of seeing each other, he still would not commit to me. I felt like he was hiding something about his ex. While he was at my place sleeping one night, I decided to go through his phone. I discovered that he had been sexting and flirting with his ex the entire time I had been dating him, and she had no idea he was also seeing me. I found messages saying how much he still loved her. It crushed me.
I sent his ex a message on Facebook to ask if he had told her that he has been seeing me. She said he mentioned me once, but she didn’t know we were still dating. She said she made it clear to him that she doesn’t want a relationship with him, but entertained his advances out of loneliness. I confronted him about this, and asked if they had hooked up since I had started seeing him. He said no. I later found out that was a lie. They had hooked up several times when he was supposedly at his parent's house. He got upset with me for invading his privacy, and we didn’t talk for a few days.
After a few days, we worked things out. I decided that he didn’t technically cheat on me since we weren’t officially a couple yet, but he did lie to me about his ex and about us being exclusive. After his ex made it clear to him again that she isn’t interested in dating him, he finally decided to make me his girlfriend. I was happy that we were finally an official couple, but still heartbroken over how we got there.
My trust in him was broken at this point. He lied about his ex to me several times before I discovered his big secret. Even when I had the evidence in my hand that he had been lying, he minimized it, and only gave me trickle truths to the things I could directly prove. So, in order to rebuild trust, I asked him to give me his Facebook password, so I could make sure his conversations with his ex remain Platonic. At first, he declined, but after about a week he finally gave it to me. At the same time, however, he changed the lock code on his phone.
He stopped seeing/flirting with his ex, but the fact that he changed the passcode to his phone made me feel like he was still hiding something. He insisted that he wasn’t hiding anything. He said that he felt it was needed after I went through his phone without permission, because he uses his phone to access his bank online sometimes, and is worried that I would try to steal from him. (I’ve never asked him for money, I make the same amount of money he does, I’m completely financially independent, and I pay for most of the meals when we order food). I told him I understand his concern, but his banking account/apps should already be password protected, so there wouldn’t be anything to worry about. This went on for several months until I was finally able to convince him to change his passcode back in order for me to trust him again.
A few weeks after he gave me access to his phone again, I decided to check it. He goes out of his way to cover his digital footprint. He has a habit of deleting emails, messages, and call logs as soon as they’re no longer needed. He also exclusively uses an incognito private browser. This is all fine, but it’s an important detail. While checking his phone, I decided to also check cached website data in his browser. I found cached data for a hookup website. I made a burner account on the website and found his profile. I was able to log into his account, since he used the same password for Facebook. I discovered that he signed up for the website using an email address that I had never seen him use before. I found several messages he exchanged with other people on the site asking them to meetup.
I confronted him about my findings, and he dismissed my concerns, telling me that he never actually intended to meet with anyone, he just likes to chat as an alternative to porn (I don’t mind porn.) I didn’t believe him, though. He quickly deleted his profile. Shortly after confronting him, I decided to try accessing the secret email account he used to check if he had anything else he was hiding. Unfortunately, he had already scrubbed the emails and deleted his account.
After a few days of arguing, we eventually reconciled. I told him that I can’t trust him anymore unless he allows me to install monitoring software on his phone/computer. He said no. This didn’t sit right with me. He kept insisting that what he did wasn’t a big deal, that he loved me, and that he wasn’t hiding anything else. I had my doubts. So, without his knowledge, I decided to install hidden tracking software on his phone and computer. I kept an eye on him for about 3 weeks. However, while I was checking the logs, I became increasingly disturbed by the porn he was choosing to view. This wasn’t anything illegal, but it was definitely not normal and a bit disturbing. I finally broke and admitted to him that I had bugged his devices. He flew off the handle and broke up with me because I betrayed him, and he couldn’t trust me anymore.
We eventually reconciled again after ~a week. I felt very hurt by the betrayal, but decided that I wanted to try to work things out. However, we couldn’t agree on what level of access to his devices/accounts is appropriate. He told me that monitoring his devices was never okay in any situation, no matter what he has done, and that my actions were creepy and cyberstalking. I told him I’m sorry for going behind his back, I felt like I needed to know the truth. (During my time monitoring him, I didn’t find any evidence of him cheating, but I will also note that I was not able to monitor everything he did, so he still could have cheated without me knowing.)
I told him that I would like for him to give me his blessing to monitor his devices so that we can rebuild the trust he broke. He refused, so I broke up with him again, but we ended up getting back together a few days later.
*Side note: I moved to this town a few years ago from out of state, I don’t have any friends or family out here, and don’t really have any friends in general.
I still had access to his Facebook account, and still checked it every few days. I found some messages to an attractive female friend of his where he had gone to her house the day after we broke up. The wording of his messages implied that something sexual may have happened when he was there. I asked him if anything sexual happened when he visited his friend. I told him that since we were broken up during this time, I wouldn’t hold it against him if they slept together, but for the sake of rebuilding trust, I felt like it was important that he at least be honest with me about it. He said nothing sexual happened.
A few days later I was reading the messages again and noticed that some of them were deleted. I asked him again, and he admitted that they made out a little bit, but nothing sexual happened. I still felt like he was holding back more detail, and kept pressing the issue, but he insisted that nothing more happened. (I found out a month later that he did in fact sleep with her.)
About a month later, I was doing my usual check of his accounts that I had access to. I found an email exchange he had been having for a couple of days with someone he found on a Craigslist type site. He had posted on the website soliciting hookups. In his email, he talked to this other person and made plans to meet up. There was no date set in stone, but they agreed he would go over to the other person’s house.
I confronted him about this. Asked him several times if he has anything he’s hiding from me. He insisted he wasn’t hiding anything. I told him I found his post/email chain. He got upset and said I shouldn’t have been snooping. Shortly afterward, he changed his passwords to all of his accounts that I had access to, and enabled 2FA. I broke up with him after that, and told him that I would only consider reconciliation if he agreed to let me install monitoring software on his devices. He is very careful to delete his history and cookies, never saves passwords, only logs into websites with incognito mode. He’s used secret email accounts in the past, which is why I believe that simple access to his devices and accounts isn’t enough to earn my trust back.
He refused my conditions for reconciliation, but insists he still wants to be together. We got back together after I broke down and walked back on my requirement.
TL:DR - My boyfriend has cheated, lied, and broken my trust several times. He and I both want to remain together and work things out. The only way I feel I would be able to trust him is if he allowed me to install tracking software on his phone since he keeps everything deleted. He refuses. What should I do?

17 days ago, a member of this sub posted about Ivanna Sakhno joining M3GAN 2.0, we got some comments on the post, and then 3 days ago the OP deleted the post, thereby also removing everyone else's comments from visibility.
I believe that OP is in the habit of automatically deleting their posts after 2 weeks. Since I haven't been given a reason for this, I'm here restoring the comments (which were deleted without consulting their authors), but not the original post (whose author wanted it deleted).
I could restore the comments because I commented myself: by accessing your comments on your own Reddit profile, you can see threads to which you contributed even if the original post has been deleted, including other people's comments on that thread. You just can't get the original post back.
Should any of these comment authors wish their comment to be removed, please say and I will edit it out. Also, if there really is a good reason to delete this entire thread, please contact me or a mod and we'll do it. But my default assumption is we probably want this discussion to be preserved, and the OP's deletion of the entire discussion was a mistake, so here it is.

‘Ahsoka’s Ivanna Sakhno To Co-Star Opposite Allison Williams In Atomic Monster & Blumhouse’s ‘M3GAN 2.0’

Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it.
Top-level comment from Jazzlike-Movie-930•17d ago•Edited 17d ago: 4 upvotes:
Here are my theories on which character she will play in M3gan 2.0:

1. She will play Gemma’s rival toy company engineeroboticist.
2. She will play an intern at the Funki Toy company or rival toy company.
3. She will be the voice of Am3lia (the rumored antagonist) of M3gan 2.0.
4. The last theory I have is unlikely but possible. She plays an adult version of M3gan and M3gan looks human. That said, M3gan will probably have that child doll face again in M3gan 2.0 so that makes this theory unlikely.

It should be a big role she landed though and I look forward to seeing her in M3gan 2.0.
Reply Budd96•17d ago•Edited 17d ago: 3 upvotes:
The both 1 and 3 would be a high possibilities for her role in Sequel.
But I still believe she's going to be AM3LIA's Roboticist.
Reply from Jazzlike-Movie-930•17d ago: 1 upvote:
I agree that #1 is probably the most likely option but I would not be surprised if she voices Am3lia. If she is the voice of Am3lia, then Amelia needs to look like a teenage or young adult robot doll or look like an older sister to M3gan.
Reply from Budd96•17d ago•Edited 17d ago: 1 upvote:
Well, M3GAN and AM3LIA are both going to be older in Sequel, both of them will not have relations to each other.
Reply from AntiAmericanismBrit•17d ago: 3 upvotes:
Congratulations to Ivanna for landing the role and congratulations to the M3GAN team for getting her.
We have absolutely no idea who she'll play, but if theories are fun, I don't think they'll mind a bit of wild mass guessing going on.
I agree "adult M3GAN" is unlikely for this actress, because we're told her part is major. It's possible the film might end with an "in the future all grown up" scene, but we have no reason to think that will be the main part of the film (I mean Violet McGraw is 13 now, not 23), and therefore any actor involved in the "all grown up" scene (if it happens) won't count as a major part. (Well it might become a major part in the THIRD film if they go that way, but not in the second.)
Voice of a robot is possible, but would they really hire Ivanna just for her voice? Unlike Jenna Davis, Ivanna doesn't seem to have much of a history of doing voice work. She's very much an actress who gets seen on the screen. So I think the odds of this one are quite low (but I might be proven wrong).
but Shin Hati is a villain in the Star Wars franchise, and if an actress plays a villain in one film, she's more likely to be a villain in another. (But not necessarily!)
I'm not sure if rival roboticists and bosses etc count as "major" parts if all they do is set a robot going and then get off the set. A colleague might if they're hands-on enough. It depends how major you mean by major.
Right now I think the simplest explanation is the Amelia rumour is wrong and the plot will be completely different from what we were expecting. But let's see what they tell us later.
Reply from Budd96•6d ago•Edited 6d ago: 1 upvote:
I don't think AM3LIA plot rumor is wrong at all, there's some truth to it, if the AM3LIA is rumor is wrong, who took the Schematic Files than rival roboticist, it can't be Gemma it wouldn't make sense taking the Schematic Files when she was the original creator of M3GAN, it could be M3GAN herself, but she has some limitations to control any robotic systems that don't have AI integrated, she's probably need human help to create her a new body, that's where Ivanna Sakhno's Character comes in to help.
Reply from AntiAmericanismBrit•3d ago: 1 upvote:
well a lot of options were left open with the files Kurt stole. The main Doylist (real-world) reason for having that in the original film was so M3GAN could call him out on it in the elevator as part of her gaslighting setup.
It might also suggest a history of Kurt leaking Funki secrets to the competitor that made Furzees from Purrpetual Petz and thereby making Funki management feel the competitors are too good at getting stuff quickly, which means M3GAN needs to be launched fast, hence pressure to cut corners. But I think in the case of Furzees that clone could be done quickly from the off-the-shelf product anyway without needing the files (the files might actually slow them down, because they'd get Gemma's listening model tech and the point was to take that out to make the toy cheaper).
Anyway, as of end of M3GAN:

1. We don't know whether or not Kurt managed to leak those files before he was killed,
2. If Kurt did not manage to leak the files, we still don't know whether or not they might still be found by his relatives or by investigators going through his things after his death,
3. Even if Kurt didn't leak them and nobody looked at his docs, it might still be possible for someone else to get hold of the same files off of Funki's system,
4. If somebody does get hold of the files, how easy would it be to use them? When I write code for internal use only, I sometimes fail to explain it properly, meaning I'm probably the only one who can actually use that code without considerable effort. Films depicting stolen code as instantly usable are not actually realistic. I think it would be a great sub-plot if whoever gets the files can't make sense of them until M3GAN-online pops up to help them out with the job. Either that or they have to work for a very long time which explains the delay between the films. Or they have to work for a very long time and then M3GAN-online helps them finish.
5. We also don't know if the files are needed at all. Maybe M3GAN-online can tell whoever she likes how to build a robot designed by M3GAN herself that is better than the one described in those files. Or something drastic happens to totally change the attitude of Funki or Gemma or Cady and they're the ones who rebuild M3GAN. Or something else.

The only thing we do know is, Shakno's character will be "major". I'm not sure what counts as "major" in this case but normally it's things like: appearing in many scenes throughout the film, heavy effect on the plot, and perhaps some character development along the way. I'm not entirely sure that just rebuilding a robot in a couple of scenes is enough to make the character "major". But that doesn't rule out the possibility of Shakno's character rebuilding the robot plus also playing some other role that makes her major, like babysitting Cady for an extended period or something. We don't know; could be anything.
Reply from leytonk_tx•10d ago: 3 upvotes:
Wouldn’t make sense to cast Ivanna who doesn’t do voiceover work at all and is purely an actress for a voice role. I’m going on a hunch just by her previous roles and what she’s good at that she will be the primary antagonist of some kind. Makes the most sense. Uncertain about this Amelia plot, idk if that is even true or if Ivanna’s looks will play a part in her role (porcelain skin, very wide eyes look that could play well into any type of doll/robot) so who knows. Anyways theatomicmonster on instagram reposted Adam Hendricks story from a couple days ago. Peep the directors laptop screen.
Top-level comment from Budd96•17d ago•Edited 17d ago: 2 upvotes:
I believe she's going to be Gemma's Rival/New Doll's Roboticist.
Top-level comment from Ok-Effective4500•6d ago: 1 upvote:
But as who?
Reply from Budd96•6d ago: 1 upvote:
The plot is not revealed yet, her role is currently unknown, but seeing her Play as Antagonist in other films, her character most likely going to help M3GAN to creating a new body and hunting down Gemma and Cady.
She coud be either rival roboticist or she's working from secret military government who worked on building Super-Integelligient Machines.
That's my guess for what she's going to be.

Oh, I’ll attempt to keep this short because y’all don’t need to know the full story lol. Basically, I’m a trans woman, I have a good friend who also a trans woman, and another good friend who is a trans man. The rest of our friendship group are cis. Me and the trans guy (we’ll call him C) have been out for a while - I met our friends having already begun to transition and C started basically within a year of meeting the group. Our other trans friend, we’ll call her S, came out nearly two years ago now.
Now, C and I are very aware that it takes time to get used to coming out and it can be awkward at first. We obviously supported S, even when she seemed to be struggling with it a lot more than either of us felt like. But it’s gotten to the point where her negative self-perception is actively impacting us as other trans people. I think I have it less bad, because she’s less likely to say stuff to me (maybe because as another trans woman, she knows I have had the same direct experiences and can kind of call her out on her bullshit).
But there is some /nonsense/ going on here, guys. She will talk at length about her “internalised transphobia”, but it’s not giving internalised when you tell another trans woman that we’re just men in dresses. It’s not giving internalised when you’re constantly explaining being a man/what guys are like to C, as though he has zero experience and would never know in a million years. (He’s also an immigrant who grew up in East Asia, where gender roles are different). She’s also told him trans guys are “less trans”, whatever that means, and that she wishes she could be “treated like a woman” like he is. Which. 👍 cool. Funny how she doesn’t say that to me - a woman. She’s always picking apart social interactions which could be interpreted as misgendering me, too.
I finally managed to get C alone to discuss this recently. I kind of thought it wasn’t bothering him because he’s super chill, but apparently it’s really pissing him off too. We’ve both decided that it’s probably time we say something. Our worry is that she might ignore us if we bring it up. My opinion she always ignores, and she’s worse with C. Besides, I don’t trust him to not accidentally hurt her feelings because he’s really blunt, but I don’t want to do this without support.
It’s obvious she respects our cis friends opinions more, especially the cis women, who she’ll listen to always. I know a few other members of our group have picked all this up too. I’m wondering if we should get them involved, but I really don’t want this to be a big thing. It’s just gotten to the point where she needs to cut it out, and I don’t know how to tell her without hurting her, while still getting her to actually listen.

My last flat was unbearable.
I mean, you try having a family of 11 live above you, when half of them are under the age of 8. Also try having a pair of raging alcoholic neighbours on either side of you. A pair who were once married to each other. My eyes rivalled that of pigeons’ due to no sleep.
I lasted a total of 21 days. I know, new record huh? I just about shoved the keys back in the grubby hands of my landlord when I finally saw the lunacy inscribed on his face. No wonder the rent was dirt cheap.
So I was back on the road, not on the streets though. Luckily enough I started questioning the flat by day 8, looked around for another place by day 15, and made a decision to get the hell out on day 18. 3 days of packing and it was bye-bye.
My new place seemed all the better too: yes, the rent was more expensive, and yes, it only has 2 bedrooms. But at least it was a house, one where pesky neighbours were at least 5 metres away. On my right, at least. On my left? Their house - thankfully - couldn’t even be seen where I stood.
Parking my car, I skipped up towards my new house with my fresh set of keys. And on entering? Silence. Perfect still silence. Thank the Lord. I basked in it for a while before returning to my car, unloading some of my baggage. It took 3-4 hauls, but I managed to fit it into one of the bedrooms. Thankfully, the rest of my things were to be brought by moving vans in about an hour.
I envisioned what the house could look like with a few finishing touches.
“But first…”
I eyed the 2 rooms. “Mine!”
The room I had chosen to be mine gave a bright view of my own smaller garden, as well as a portion of my right neighbour’s house, but that didn’t matter much. The view in the other room would suck: just my car and some reeds.
I was just about done heaving some of my baggage into my newly-chosen room when the doorbell gave an obnoxious ring. I stood, fighting the urge to just run away into one of my rooms when it beeped again.
Reaching the door, I eyed out of the peephole to see nothing but an opaque whiteness. I guess the downside in this house is that the last tenant was a slob. I eyed some of the yellowing walls. Sighing, I opened the door.
“Hello! We’re your neighbours, Jack and Sally, and we live just there,” She motioned towards my right, “We came to introduce ourselves, and to let you know that if you ever need anything, we’re right here.”
She then shoved a basket full of biscuits at my chest, a motherly-smile stretched around her lips. She turned to leave, husband - clearly forced to follow her - in tow, when she turned around.
“Your name, dear?”
“Leen!” I shouted after her.
“Perfect.”
And perfect it was, I thought. Neighbours that respect their distance from you, and give you food? I eyed the delicious snacks in front of me. Definitely an upgrade.
Though it was at dawn the very next day that I woke up, shook.
~
See, I was just sleeping in my newly delivered bed when I heard it. Something that sounded like a bird, a huge caw, before it alternated into different pitches. Disoriented, I tried to wipe the sleep from my eyes in order to focus better. But it just made me more confused.
It sounded like a chicken.
As far as I know, this new place was not the countryside, nor farmland. So what? And why?
I stepped up to my window to take a good look outside. I wouldn’t keep a rooster in my home that’s for sure. Whatever it was, it was coming from…
My jaw dropped.
I closed my eyes and scrubbed at them harshly.
Please tell me why I opened my eyes and saw the exact same thing.
A man, on his haunches, face pointed towards the sky, was making rooster noises.
And he was on my neighbours’ garden. The ones I met earlier.
He looked absolutely demented. I wasn’t even scared then, just flabbergasted. I wasted no time calling the police at this disturbing nuisance.
When they arrived though, I saw my neighbours’ shoot straight from their house, speaking or…was it pleading? With the officers. What on Earth..?
Anyway, it was their problem now, so I went back to bed. I had a whole bunch of chores the next day, and had to get it all sorted before I returned to work.
Shutting my eyes, I wished for peace. And quiet, thank you very much.
~
At last, I woke up at 10 AM. By 1 PM, I had sorted my clothing into its respective drawers, and had decorated my bedroom walls, including a new golden addition. And now? I had food cooking on the stove. It felt satisfying, having cleaned up and now awaiting the prize of food.
I scrolled on my phone as I waited for the pasta to cook, before another ding turned my attention towards the door.
“Huh, what now?”
Unfortunately I hadn’t cleaned the peephole yet, so I had to open the door. There stood Jack and Sally. Or Sally and Jack. Jack looked lost. Sally stared deep into my eyes.
“Was it you?”
“Me? What do you mean?”
“That called the police last night?”
I recalled the past night, and gave her a thumbs up, hoping my smile was reassuring. “Yep, don’t worry, that lunatic will not be coming back ever again. He can go to the zoo if he wants to squawk.”
I should’ve taken the cue from Jack’s paling face, but Sally grabbed hold of me. “Listen here, okay? That man, the one you called the police on...” She trembled, “He’s my son! You can’t do that! He was not even on your property!”
My eyes widened. “He’s…your son?”
“Of course! How can you not see that?”
Nodding at her, I relinquished myself from the hold she had on my arms. “Okay then, sorry for the call. But I do have to mention something,” Jack started to shake his head behind his wife, but I ignored the little-to-say man, “Is there any way you can keep the noise down to a minimum? Honestly, your son has vocal cords of steel! It would wake the entire neighbourhood at this rate.”
Sally stared pointedly at me, then took a look around my house. “Very well.”
She grabbed her husband’s arm as she turned to leave, and I caught the slightest look of fear in his eyes before he was abruptly pulled away.
I dismissed it - and the sinking feeling - on discovering my very soft, overcooked pasta when I came back into my home though.
I managed to also do one thing before wrapping up: I cleaned out my door's peephole. Now I wouldn't have to open the door to know it's them. I'd just speak at them from the inside if they were to come back.
~
I woke, jolting out of my bed the very next morning, or night. I checked my bedside clock to see it was 3:50 AM. The cock-a-doodle-doo was breaking into my head. I grasped my hair in frustration, knowing that I didn’t have the madman’s parents phone numbers’ to call, or maybe scream at them. It was the exact same thing as the day before! Except…maybe…
I strained my ear.
It sounded a lot closer.
My hands, for some reason, became clammy instantly, and the urgent thumping of my own heart - the fragility of my own life - became all the more prominent.
I tiptoed to my window and peeked outside. Nothing.
I then slowly treaded to my spare bedroom, and pulled the curtains apart. Zilch. Nada. Though…
Almost as if under a spell, my head turned towards my main door. I…I could somehow feel it. Just to confirm though, I peeked out of the door-hole.
And with a slam, I collapsed in my new, dream home.
~
When I came to, I was lying on white sheets, and a bright white light hung over me.
A hospital.
I was in my own room, which I found odd. It was not like I needed it. But then a doctor walked in, followed by 3 other people, and it all made sense. Everything - blurs and sureness - melted into a perfect picture.
Sally, Jack, and their son.
He couldn’t be more than 17 really. Though he looked 37 a few hours ago. Face pressed against the glass of my peephole, mouth wide open towards it, eyes pointing in different directions as his face reddened and contorted.
I was deaf in one moment. Then came the COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO.
Of course I fainted. Who could blame me?
“Good afternoon, I’m Dr Lam. You’re in A&E right now. Are you able to tell me your full name and date of birth?
My voice answered the Doctor’s questions, but my eyes stared dazed at the youngster’s abdomen, not daring to reach his its eyes.
“Well, nothing seems to be wrong with you. You may have just been dehydrated. Did you have any headache or pain before you fainted?”
I replied in the negative.
“Luckily, your friends’ son had found you passed out, and ensured your speedy arrival to hospital, so I wouldn’t be worried about any damage.”
My eyes finally strayed, looking towards the ground. I held the nauseousness of bile down my throat. Following a brief check-up, I was allowed to leave.
And 2 people and a demon followed me out.
“Well, Leen, that should give you a lesson,”
Sally.
I turned towards the family, who stood in a 3 person arc. Only 1 managed to look away, equal parts shame and guilt. I don’t need to mention who that was.
“Don’t worry. You can look at me, I don’t bite: not now and not at dawn,” a strained voice whispered at me. “I promise, it’s only at dawn when I…when I…”
“Hush Dean, don’t work your voice that much. You’ll need to save it for later.”
I was still dizzy. That didn’t stop me from running half-hobbled to the taxi stand, where I begged and claimed to many that I would provide double payment if they were to take me to my house.
It took a while, but I managed to pack some of my clothes. There was no way in hell I was sleeping at that damned house again, not now, not ever. I called and booked at a nearby hotel in the meantime.
I was done packing necessities by the evening. Walking out of my house, I saw no sign of those three. I would have been relieved, had I not come face to face with than one thing: standing in my garden, leaning against my car. My breathing picked up instantly.
Dean
It stood with its back resting against my car. And It noticed me immediately. Seems like it was just waiting for me to notice it.
“Are you leaving?” It sounded almost sad, but I needed it to move away, or my only way out of there would be in jeopardy.
“For the night.” My answer? Almost smooth, but even I could hear the first shake in my voice.
It nodded though. “Okay.” And he moved from my car. I counted the distance. 1 metre. 2. 2.5-
It made a sudden dash at me as I - in flight response - ran frantically to the driver’s seat, locking the door. I came in half-squashed, my backpack still on my back. But I didn’t care.
Its face was pressed against the window.
“Mum is waiting for a person that will like me for me, not run away. You’re supposed to like me.” It said, matter-of-factly. It then wailed, and sunk beneath the car window.
I did not dare to sit up and see what it was doing.
I didn’t even need to though. The sound came a split-second later.
COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO
Tears spilled from my eyes. My limbs felt weak. I couldn’t even breathe. It suddenly sprang up to the window. Eyes enlarged: looking at me and everywhere at once.
“I can actually tur-COCK- in the day too, but M-DOODLE- said it would be too much for you,” wheezing, it exclaimed again before adding, “but this is ME. Do you-do you, do you like me?”
With dead limbs I weighed my foot on the pedal, and jump-started the car to speed off. My head shook left-and-right in response, stomach heaving with nausea.
Human preservation kicked me into taking proper control of the car when I saw, out of the rear view mirror, Sally. This time with a rope, which locked around the creature’s neck before she tugged, drawing it into her house. At one point we locked eyes. And what do I mean by we?
Answer: the 2 of them and me.
It was honestly a miracle that I did not get into a road traffic accident.
I spent 3 days living in the hotel after that, my job long-forgotten in the aftermath.
By day 4 I broke down and called my older sister, asking to stay at her place for a while. Her house and area seemed fine the times I’d stopped over. I guess I clearly did not seem right though, as she many-a-time asked me what was wrong. My answer? Stress. She persisted, years of living together as kids helping her figure out my lies, though she ultimately gave up after a week. She knew it was something I didn’t want to share, and that I was safe now. That was enough for her.
For me? I guess at the time I so badly wanted to tell someone. Though it couldn’t be my sister. I didn’t want to cause any trouble. Nor see if she’d even believe me, or instead rank me at the same IQ level as her two 5-year-olds.
For a few weeks, I stayed with my sister and her family, reassuring both her and myself that I was fine. Thankfully, we worked together to find a small apartment. Next to a kids school too - bonus points. I now craved safety above all else. After moving out though, I realised I needed my belongings back.
So, who picked up my stuff from that cursed residence, you ask? The moving people. I called the police from a random phone booth first to head over to that area, emphasising on seeing some suspicious looking men, whilst I got them to collect everything. I did not dare to call the police on that family though. I would prefer if the link between me and them got cut, drawn and quartered.
So now I’m here, in an apartment which thankfully hasn’t shown any sign of insanity. Inspecting my belongings, I noticed that there was one thing missing.
My gold frame, used to encase my make-shift certificate - made by yours truly after her 21-day record from the previous apartment - was gone.
I felt somewhat miffed, but then I realised something.
Something which can maybe bring the light out in this whole situation.
I counted carefully. I broke my record.
With a grand stay of 2 days. Now that - that I don’t think I’d ever be able to beat.

You hang here, I’ll go on ahead!
Hi everyone! Hope you’re all doing well!
About me:
A slim, somewhat feminine, 21 year old guy from the east of England, standing at 5 foot 8 inches, who works full time and is studying for a masters degree alongside working (please send help). Relatively short light brown hair, white skin, greenish eyes and like dressing in smart clothes.
I am a homebody, through and through, spending cosy time indoors is what makes me tick and is how I spend a lot of my time. Whether that be digging into a long gaming session, relaxing with a good book, cooking up a storm (or maybe a tornado depending on the aftermath I leave behind) in the kitchen, watching a good film or tv show, or enjoying a nap, my home is my happy place.
That being said, I enjoy spending time in nature as much as the next person, and love going out for walks, exploring new restaurants or taking long drives.
I’m not a very social person, finding socialising in large groups rather stressful, however I do enjoy spending time with others, often one on one works best for me. I also have a short social battery, so need alone time as well. In my mission to find my person, I also hope to find someone with whom I can spend limitless amounts of time, someone who simply feels like home.
I’m a hopeless romantic too, and believe in finding “the one” someday, which, I suppose, is why I’m here! I adore affection in all forms, and all the various love languages hold some standing with me, though physical affection would likely be top dog if I’m honest.
My overall demeanour is sweet, well meaning, soft and often a little excitable (which can ramp up in lots of situations). I’ve been likened to a puppy by friends before.
As a partner:
As a partner I am someone who delights in caring for my person, being there to help them with the little things which make things just that tiny bit easier - Making them food after a long day, listening to them when they need to vent, treating them when they need it (and sometimes when they don’t 😅). A big part of a relationship for me is spending quality time together, whether that be doing something together, for example watching tv or cooking a recipe, or spending time together whilst doing our own thing. I want to be able to be with my person and be entirely comfortable and content in their presence. I’m also very affectionate as mentioned above, and will want to give you cuddles at just about every minute of the day 😅
I’m a good listener, and love to learn about other people and ask questions to dig deeper into the way they feel about things etc. I also value this greatly in another person.
Other facts/points of interest:
I prefer to converse over text initially, and tend to write rather a lot when I like somebody (and when the effort is reciprocated), then move onto other mediums down the line.
I am open to sharing pictures of myself right off the bat (as long as you do the same).
I believe that I have autism, and so somebody who understands this and appreciates that some things are difficult for me would be ideal.
About you:
Some traits I value in a partner are as follows, now, this is by no means an exhaustive list, nor is it a list of requirements, just some things that I adore in others, as well as things that I try to cultivate in myself:
Good listener, good communicator, interested in me, affectionate/caring, well mannered (not impolite), articulate, kind, humble/down to earth.
Otherwise, please just be respectful and put some effort in if you message me.
As a final note, have some conversation starters for if you decide to message me:
What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
Where is your happy place?
What’s something about you that you think is somewhat embarrassing but really cute?
What, if anything, did you connect with in my post?
Take care, I hope to hear from you!
And last of all, I’m also open to making friends if you’d prefer that :)

So I (21f) was out yesterday with my friend. My mum was also out with her cousin and her best friend. My mums friend well call her Carly have been friends for 40 years and have never fell out. My friend was going to a party after we were out so my mum suggested that I come and meet her and her friends for drinks as she had booked a table at restaurant. I said maybe as I was up early for work the next day. After having some drinks with my friends I decided to go and meet with my mum and her friends. I get to the bar before them and it is extremely busy and there is no sign of my mum or her friends. I meet them and we try to go in and the bouncer is not letting us in. We eventually get in and go to the bar to show them our booking. There isn’t an empty table in sight. They get us a table and we sit. The seats are soaking wet and my mums cousin is basically passed out on the table. They ordered drinks and I didn’t want anything. I was getting to the point where I had already had a few drinks and was ready to just call it a night. I told my mum that I was going to head home and she said no and said I would be selfish for leaving. There was a big event on in the city I was living in so I could understand if she was worrying about safety but she said that it would make people think I didn’t want to be with her and her friends. I said okay and stayed. They got food and began eating it. After maybe fifteen minutes I said to my mum I’m going to head and get the train home and that my boyfriend was going to pick me up from the train station. She starts calling me selfish again and telling me how inconsiderate I am then proceeds to say to go home with your boring boyfriend then. She was being quite passive aggressive with me this whole time. When she made the comment about my boyfriend I had had enough and left. I was extremely upset. My mums friends Carly then phones me and tells me to come back as she doesn’t want me to go home myself. I walk back to the bar and she asked me what happened. I told her and we went back into the restaurant together. I sat with Carly and she said to my mum to stop being horrible. This is when everything blows up. My mum starts shouting at the two of us. Charley was saying that my mum shouldn’t have said that about my boyfriend. My mum had had a lot to drink and this was most likely a factor in her reacting this way. I never said my mum was horrible nor did I expect for Carly to say anything. I was just upset and wanted to go home. My mum eventually storms out the restaurant and Carly runs after her. Carly come back after ten minutes saying that she will have to get my mums cousin home herself and how she doesn’t know what’s happening. My mum phones me and tells me to come and meet her. I am extremely upset at this point as these are the two most important women in my life. I go and meet her and she starts shouting at me. She was asking me what I said to Carley and that they had never had an argument before. I told her I told carley what she had said to me. She denied it all and said I was lying. She then starts making personals digs at meant aren’t true or fair to say. My mum phones carley and carley and my mums cousin show up. Everything seems fine again they had a laugh and then my mum starts arguing again. She is now shouting in the middle of the streets. She is saying she hates me and that I was fake crying and that this whole situation was my fault. I was hysterical at this point. My mum won’t let me come home with her even though me and carley were trying to convince her to get a taxi home with us she refused. My mum ended up saying to carley that she was a shot friend because she did remember my grans death anniversary or my mum and dad 25th wedding anniversary (my dad passed a few years ago). My mum then storms off and I stay with carley. Carley wasn’t that bothered about the argument until now as she said my mum had too much to drink and everything would be fine in the morning. But now she was extremely upset. Carley has been through a lot with us she was there for us when my dad and gran died she still to this day stays over at our house sometime we go to her house for Christmas dinner. She is basically an aunt to me. I got home before my mum and told my little sister what had happened. She said to me to be the bigger person and that our mum probably just had too much to drink as my mum can lose her temper quite easily sometimes. My mum was walking home from the train station and asked my sister to come and walk with her. I asked her to ask if I could come too my mum said no she doesn’t want to see me along with some nasty words I won’t repeat. They both come home my mum slams a sore and just keeps yelling at me and telling me to F off. I told her I was sorry for leaving the bar and I asked if we could talk about it and she continued to yell at me. It is now the next day I am currently at work and honestly scared to go home. Can any recommended any advice as I genuinely don’t know what to do in this situation

For background context, I’m 33, gayer than christmas, and a nervous wreck.
Since 2019, I’ve experienced the death of (In order) my Step Dad, Grandmother, Sister, Mom, older Brother, and Step Mom. After my Grandmother passed, a sizable Family Trust was set up for me and my Dad. After my Mom passed, the state gave me custody of my little brother, so I used some of that money for a down payment for a nice house in a nice area— I wanted to get something stable and safe-feeling for my brother after such a tumultuous early childhood.
My husband has always tried to be supportive, or so I thought. I keep looking back though, and all I can remember are the times he’d give me shit for going to visit my grandmothemom when they were fighting their cancer battles. At one point, he even tried convincing me that my Mom was faking her illness, I think because he just didn’t like the area she lived in— a fairly ‘rough’ trailer park. He’s never had a job. I’ve tried here and there, but my depression always sucks me back underwater, and the Trust has effectively cut me off which lead to a wonderful case of ch 13 bankruptcy.
A year ago, I worked up the courage to try and file for divorce. Talked to an attorney, paid the retainer…. And then his dad (a family attorney himself) started listing all the ways he could have my little brother removed. I caved. I can’t lose my brother. I told myself that I was the problem somehow, and dropped the whole thing.
This past Tuesday, I woke up in crippling abdominal pain. Told the husband, who said he needed a shower. I waited ten minutes before I just grabbed my keys and left with a quick text on the way to urgentcare. I stumble into the waiting room and promptly pass out, night-night style. I guess they werent equipped to deal with that kind of thing because I then woke up in an ambulance (with the HOTTEST ems, I stg) being taken to a hospital. My phone is dead. Car is left at urgentcare. No idea where tf I’m being taken. Get rushed into a room and then get left for 30 minutes alone, bawling my eyes out with the thought that the cancer that took half my family has finally come for me. A nurse is kind enough to lend me her charger. My phone turns on… no calls or texts. Nothing. I call the husband who is asleep, irritated that I left without him, and that I woke him up. I don’t fight, I just tell him whats happening and where I am. A few agonizing hours later, I hobble out waiting for him. The last of my phone juice goes to the location I send him, and then I wait. And wait. And wait for two more hours (The hospital is 15 miles from our house).
I am a broken human being. Each death of my family chipped a little away, and on top of having to financially support myself, my teenage brother (who is a BLACK HOLE OF FOOD), and my… I gotta say it, my deadbeat husband… Underneath all of that, its hard to find the energy for.. anything, really. I just want to be happy again. I just want to feel like I have the freedom to heal. But I dont know where to find the strength to start. Therapy only goes so far, and meds only do so much. It takes action on my part, but I have no action left in me. I’m so tired. I miss my family.

I finished this book in around 5/6 days.
RJ went out with a high!
Wow. So many great moments and storylines in this book, storylines being resolved even! All great except a few chapters of Elayne in the middle of the book. RJ is back to his old form, with great characterisation and stuff happens for once!?! Unbelievable.
You can really feel the story torpedoing to Tarmon Gai’don, I can’t wait.
Here are some thoughts on this book:
Nynaeve
Nynaeve loves, trusts, and feels for Lan so much; I can’t help but tear when she rallies for Malkier. Favourite scene of the whole series personally, involving my favourite characters.
“My husband rides from World’s End to Tarwin’s Gap, toward Tarmon Gai’don. Will he ride alone?
CHILLS!!!
Also, give me more Nynaeve, she needs more page time.
Perrin
Great ending to a sometimes lacking storyline (just Faile’s PoV), and it has ended with Perrin ready for the time ahead with his beloved and the shaido finally disappeared, forever hopefully.
Perrin was so blind to everything but Faile this book. Ignoring the signs of Tarmon Gai’don for the one he loves. This obviously isn’t healthy, but I understand him; his whole family died and she is the one who filled the gaps in his heart, if she died I doubt Perrin would ever recover from it.
I guess Aram isn’t a darkfriend as I previously speculated, just a man who is very susceptible to being manipulated. An abrupt ending to someone who got introduced in the first book, and later become a reoccurring character. His descent was quite tragic though; died trying to kill the man who helped him get back on his feet many times over just because of one man’s manipulation. Fuck Masema.
Rolan and the other two brotherless’ death was unjustified but I can’t blame Perrin for killing him. Adrenaline pumping through his veins and he sees 3 men standing between him and his wife. It was bound to end in blood. However, while Rolan was a bit of a creep at times he didn’t deserve to die like that after helping Faile. Now that I think about it though, he was sort of trying to steal her from Perrin, Rolan’s death was inevitable.
Tam finally learned that Rand is the dragon reborn, after I think around 3 years. I would have expected he would know by now, but I guess the two rivers is notorious for being secluded and only getting information from peddlers.
Perrin and seanchan captain has a quite nice mutual respect for each other, another bridge to seanchan relations has been built.
After all these deaths, failures, and triumphs, Perrin and Faile are finally reunited! I am interested to see where the story goes with them, maybe they will go after Masema?
Mat
Mat is always an enjoyable read, and now he has accepted that he can’t escape his luck and the battlefield, Mat now just tries to work out a way to make as little people die as possible.
I have to talk about Moiraine first of course. She is confirmed to be alive, which I hoped for and expected. However, didn’t expect it to take this many books. I have been waiting to long for this, I missed her so much and I am excited for her to be back hopefully soon.
Mat and Tuon are my second favourite couple so far, after Nynaeve and Lan, they have a great dynamic!
From the start Mat knew that he would marry Tuon, but she was slowly deciphering whether this man was truly who she would marry. She did ask many seemingly random questions which was a big giveaway. The build up was worth it though, she completely confuses Mat by doing it out of the blue and revealing her prophecies from her damane. Hilarious moment!
I feel Tuon growing on me but then I remember that she agrees with slavery and leashing those who can channel. I am conflicted on her, but maybe she will change. We have a love-hate relationship.
Mat, please just go free Moiraine already. Please.
Rand
While he hasn’t had the spotlight for a few books, his chapters are always full of major plot points and revelations which are always great.
Lews Therin is creeping in like a parasite, taking control of the power and Rand even confuses his thoughts with Lews Therin. One lack of control and that could be it for Min or others around him. Disturbing thoughts.
One minute I was watching a lovely wedding between Loial and Erith, the next there is thousands of trollocs outside the window. The juxtaposition is crazy.
The new weaves are really powerful, it can’t be nice for random dead trollocs to appear outside your house though.
Did Semirhage expect to defeat Rand? I think there is some other plot she has. Semirhage went down too easy for that to be her only plan. Potentially trying she is trying manipulate his allies to go to the shadow. Or like many of the forsaken are just arrogant.
Hoping that Rand gets his hand back, I loved Rands swordplay and It will absolutely cause issues. Surely he can use the power to create a fake hand.
Breaks my heart, to see Rand so calm after all he goes through. Poor guy. Cadsuane needs to teach Rand to feel again and quickly!
Seanchan truce incoming. Rand will now see what Mat has been up to while he has been battling the forsaken.
Egwene
Thoroughly enjoyed her political manoeuvrings around the white tower, slowly planting seeds of dissent between the different layers of aes sedai. Egwene is great at scheming and manipulation; she is a genius. Not the best person though.
I have a lot of respect for Egwene. Multiple strappings a day, and she carries on twisting the aes sedai, what a powerhouse!
Egwene is consistently interesting to me, I think she will play a big part over the next few books.
Elayne
Elayne was great late in the book, while lacking a bit at the start.
She was overconfident this book, just because she won’t die any time soon (min’s viewing) doesn’t mean she can’t be captured. It was very reckless to just burst into the BA’s house and expect to live.
I loved Vandene getting her revenge on Careane, what a way to go, her short storyline was amazing. Amazing but tragic.
I found it weird how an aes sedai sent by Elaida just stormed in, said Elayne would regret sending her away and ran off. There had to be something larger going on with her.
Problem after problem kept pilling up, but she dealt with them with resilience and it somewhat worked out. A true queen if I ever saw one.
Other
Rand has caused a whole civilisation to kill themselves. Let’s hope he never finds that out. This was a really horrifying moment, left my mouth open for a while.
Taim is not a forsaken, but just a very high ranking dark friend it seems. He must be very high ranking to know about the lord of chaos. What if he is a newly raised forsaken? Only the forsaken know about the lord of chaos, not regular dark friends. I don’t know how one would raise a darkfriend though, does it come with new abilities or just being closer to the dark one?
RJ is great at the small details however he doesn’t touch upon the slavery stuff, which I find weird. Could just be me though.
Overall
This book ends so many dragging storylines, I can’t wait for the next!
I’m sad this is the last Robert Jordan book, but I’ve heard that Brandon ended it well, I watched a few videos on him and read his eulogy on RJ and he seems very kind and admires RJ a lot. I don’t know how his writing style is though, maybe someone can give me an idea of how it compares to RJ?
It is tragic RJ couldn’t finish his series by himself though, but glad someone was found to finish it.
just don’t mess up Nynaeve Brandon!
I probably missed a lot of plot points but I didn’t want this to be too long, and I want to read the next book already.
Book ranking so far - very susceptible to changing:

1. The Shadow Rising
2. The Fires of Heaven
3. The Lord of Chaos
4. The Dragon Reborn
5. Knife of Dreams
6. The Great Hunt
7. The Eye of the World
8. New Spring
9. A Crown of Swords
10. Winter’s Heart
11. The Path of Daggers
12. Crossroads of Twilight

Hi!
Have you found yourself having some spare time and wondering if there is something you can do to support UNIS?
If yes, then help us with a simple tap on your phone and vote! 😁
Here is a list of on-going voting campaigns and their current status:

Winnable Purely by Fan Votes 🤳

KGMA Trend of the Year: Kpop Group (Monthly Voting - May):

Deadline: May 19, 2024 (❗️today, 23:59 KST❗️)

App Name	Current Place	Opponent
Fancast	1st - 54,577 votes	2nd - 21,025 votes

This seems to be the main goal of the fandom right now.
Judging Criteria (according to Fancast app): 1. Pre-vote (10%) - done, we lost. 🥲 2. Monthly vote (40%) 3. Main vote (50%) - main event will be held on November 16-17 this year.

UPICK (Rookie Artist of May):

Deadline: May 23, 2024

App Name	Current Place	Opponent
UPICK	1st - 6,325,785 votes	2nd - 6,257,302 votes

Don't vote today! Hold them till tomorrow!
Tomorrow (May 20), from 9PM to 10PM (KST), all voting points you use will be paid back 100% the next day. For more info, click here.
We are currently on a 3-month winning streak for this award.
The first 3 months were Elisia, Gehlee, and Yunha (in order).
It's Seowon's turn this month.

Includes Other Criteria 📊

34th SMA Rookie Award (Monthly Voting - May):

Deadline: May 31, 2024

App Name	Current Place	Opponent
PODOAL	1st - 306,300 votes	2nd - 70,750 votes
my1pick	1st - 49.34%	2nd - 40.30%
K-POP SEOUL	1st - 2,342 votes	2nd - 732 votes

Judging Criteria (as per last year's): 1. Professional judges and SMA Organizing Committee (50%) 2. Album sales (25%) 3. Mobile voting worldwide (25%) - monthly voting contributes to the main voting as per SMA's current front page notice.
As per F&F CEO, an extension of two more years will be considered if UNIS wins the "Rookie of the Year" award.
I have a feeling this is not the only one with an award of this kind though. Please comment below if you have information regarding other "Rookie of the Year" awards.

KM Chart (ROOKIE of May):

Deadline: May 24, 2024

App Name	Current Place	Opponent
Idol Champ	5th - 3.23%	1st - 55.73%
my1pick	5th - 2.84%	1st - 66.24%

Judging Criteria (according to KM Chart's website): 1. Voting (50%) - 25% on Idol Champ, 25% on my1pick. 2. KM chart data (50%)
This is a quarterly award, but it does give a physical trophy to the winner. It can motivate the girls if they get one.
Fan votes contribute as much as the chart data, so I think we have a good enough chance. What do you guys think? 😁
Did I miss something?
If yes, kindly mention them in the comments so I can include them on my next update 👍. Thanks!

So.. I finally managed to see Manjummel boys on OTT today. I liked it, the visuals, making, performances and the emotions were handled very well.
But I don't understand how it became such a huge cult hit. It has all the good features for a great movie, but thats just it. Although there weren't much flaws to point out, it was not as exceptional as people were raving about.
And especially someone in this sub claimed it was the proper fanboy service to KH and not Vikram, I disagree and I don't understand how.
On a different note, my wife and I were in a kind of agreement to what writer Jeyamohan said. Seeing the guys being senseless, smoking in the forest and being drunk to get into trouble kind of irked us, maybe we are getting old🤣 But certainly I feel those guys don't deserve to be celebrities for this. There are even fan pages for Subash wtf.
https://www.reddit.com/kollywood/s/ESx4HAy8k1

Why didn't/couldn't Sidorovich, Barkeep and Sakharov recognize Strelok during SoC events?
This might seem like a plothole, but it actually isn't. Sid didn't know Strelok personally:
"Yeah, I've heard of a stalker by that name. Rumors is he's one of the few who went to the center of the Zone and made it back. Still, we got so many of these legendary stories about stalker heroes that I can't really guarantee anything. At any rate, I've never dealt with him personally. It seems he has his own trading channels. Anyhow, just ask the folks here in the Zone and you'll be sure to learn a lot more." Clear Sky confirms that his words are true, because during CS events it was Fang who had a business with Sidorovich and not Strelok.
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/A4Pxgp.jpg https://snipboard.io/piHsac.jpg
Barkeep's dialogue:
"An experienced stalker as far as I know. He used to "work" through the northern exits from the Zone. He was hardly ever seen here but there are rumors that he took his group right into the center of the Zone."
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/Y4EmM2.jpg
About Sakharov - There are plenty of possible explanations for the fact that he doesn't recognize Strelok, but the closest we have to an official explanation is included in the design document of the original storyline of the prequel, where it's said that Strelok's face was bandaged at the time:
"Strelok, whose face is still covered with bandages, comes to Sakharov and tells that he is planning a trip to the CNPP."
Of course, it's not really canon, but it still works.
Why won't military just bomb the Zone?
First of all, they already tried but failed:
"I can't really get into that - we've got some discipline in this place, after all. Our general Krylov certainly used to be a military man. I heard a few stories about how, just as the Zone formed, the government organized a military operation in here. They were sent to the very center of the Zone with an order to blow it all to hell with nuclear explosives. Can you imagine what that means? These guys were sent with no protection, no detectors, no information about what to expect in the Zone. Many perished in anomalies right off, and most of those who didn't were done in by an emission. The few survivors were left behind to die a slow death. General Krylov is one of those few. I don't know who he's pals with, but he hates the military ever since he and his buddies were sent straight to their deaths. He's got some connections in Spetsnaz though. Spetsnaz only got real men. Sometimes Duty crosses paths with them. That's pretty much it - consider it the abridged version." - Dialogue of Zvyagintsev
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/HP1pVq.jpg
Second of all, it's obviously a very bad idea.
"Everyone who believes in the Monolith is completely nuts. They keep banging on about it but nobody actually knows what's in the center of the Zone. An invisible crystal that fell from the skies...ha-ha-ha! I reckon one of the secret labs blew up - I mean some stalkers used to work in a few of them. But, obviously, you can't bomb the Zone. Not only will the radiation spread all over the world, half of Europe would be flattened by the Zone's reaction. "Someone" has gone totally mad lately - I heard they're killing normal stalkers for no reason at all. How do you like that? Damn fanatics." - Dialogue of Random 100 Rads Bar Dutyer
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/oWRgr0.jpg
Is the Zone growing?
Only SoC presents this idea. Neither Clear Sky nor Call of Pripyat mentioned anything about Zone's expansion. In fact, Hermann in CoP just said that Zone is evolving, while Loki directly said that it isn't getting bigger:
"They're idiots, that's what I think. I mean, why the hell would they want to destroy the Zone? it's not consuming precious resources or getting bigger... or anything. They could just sit there and study it to their heart's content - just think of how many scientific discoveries could be made... I mean, in the history of man-kind, no one has never been able to understand antigravitation, right? And in the Zone you've got ready-made antigravitation devices lying all over the place. It wouldn't hurt to kick their asses out of here, but it's too much hassle. By the way, don't be confused by our relations here at Yanov. We are at war... it's just that Yanov has been made neutral territory, if you know what I mean." - Loki
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/UQ8ZEO.jpg
If The Zone is practically known globally then how come we aren't seeing other world governments trying to send people of their own to study it?
"Right... I seem to remember you asking me about something last night, though I can't recall... Ah, got it. You wanted to know why it's only our eggheads messing around in the Zone. Curious why the foreigners won't show up, even though there's enough stuff here for thousands of Nobles prizes... Alright, let's see. First of all, what the heck do they need coming down here for, when they can simply pay some of our guys and get the results on a silver plate? Second of all, they've actually been there themselves, and quite a lot of them, too. It's just that in the last two years these gringos have been badly scared of going into the Zone..." - Fragment from PDA entry called "The chronicles of egghead globalists"
"Ever heard about Station Thirty-Two? That's where they all bit the bullet. It was all quiet at first, pretty much normal... They'd be reading their meters, taking samples, poking their gear into anomalies... And then they all started going nuts. Every friggin one of them. Everyone slowly going off their rocker. One of ours, the one that retired eventually, told me about it... Some actually ripped their own throats open, other would smash their heads against the wall, and some would simply... Gun in their mouth and... And then the beasts started swarming all over them. Those few who were still sane enough barricaded themselves in the house. You get the picture, right? Dark night, all the local beasties outside, and people going nuts one after another inside. In short, in the morning those who still had it together broke out of there somehow. Went straight on, even got caught in some anomalies... Got to the Rotten Forest... But none of those who had been left behind have been found. they say loads of controllers were recorded in that area. that's how it was... Since then, no one goes anywhere near Station Thirty-Two, and the foreigners steer clear of the Zone... " - Another fragment from that entry
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/ZEXgNy.jpg (Part 1) https://snipboard.io/gksjHB.jpg (Part 2) https://snipboard.io/Zc8W2G.jpg (Part 3.)
"There are always developments in the Zone, and they're always interesting. I already told you about Monolith - they're on everybody's tongue... Have you heard about a new major expedition into the Zone? Technically, they're environmental researchers from the UN, but that's just on paper. Sure, they got a couple four-eyed scientists, but just one look at all the others tells you they're seasoned fighters. No idea why they're here. Oh, and dig this: they're not using guides. Either they're being guided by satellite, or their mission is so secret that no one else could be let in on it. They seem to be approaching the Radar. I dunno how this will end, but I got a feeling it won't be pretty." - Dialogue of Hog
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/oejv2a.jpg
What happened to Scar?
There can be many answers to this question. Scar's fate could have turned out in many ways - perhaps, if the brainwashing process failed, he became simply zombified; if it was successful, he could've died while being transported in the death truck; if this didn't happen, he had a clearly defined task to perform, and could die while trying to do it; if he survived, he might still be wandering around the Zone as an amnesiac.
It's also possible that he simply died during the emission, or was captured but somehow managed to overcome the brainwashing process and escaped from whatever laboratory it was taking place in.
Monolith's weaponry. How do they have so many guns?
It can be partially explained by a couple of things. First thing that should be noted is that Monolith before trilogy used to be different faction. It can be assumed that they already had decent weapons (I have another post which includes dialogues about older Monolith) https://www.reddit.com/stalkecomments/1ax5u7x/interesting_facts_about_the_monolith_faction/
Second thing is that even rookies know that they gotta get better equipment before going deeper into the Zone:
"For now I'm just gaining experience and saving up some coin. As soon as I have enough, I'll buy me a good shooter and armor, and head straight for the center of the Zone. Rumor has it some guys already made it there and found the Wish Granter. That's where I'm gonna go. And when I find it, I won't go wrong with my wish, you can bet on that!" - Dialogue of Cordon Loner in Clear Sky
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/bqyuzA.jpg
And lastly, C-Consciousness Representative said "From the moment the Zone was formed, many people have tried to get to its center". Many people seem to think that Brain Scorcher only turns people into zombies, but it seems that it was also capable of converting them to Monolith:
"Brothers, as we were patrolling the outskirts of the Dark Forest we came upon an unfaithful loner. We did not kill him, seeing as he was already on his way to conversion, although he was still half-way in his animal state... Such is the wisdom of the Monolith: once again it revealed to us the true countenance of our enemies." - PDA entry called "A convert in the Black Forest"
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/jC2MPJ.jpg
About their suits - there can be more than 1 answer.
It's interesting to point out that Monolith suit was located in lab X-18. Either the faction stashed them there, or they were here before. A possible explanation could be that such suits were used by guards of the secret facilities in the Zone before the 2nd disaster
I think this is important to point out too
"Stalker suit from the Monolith faction. The producer is unknown. Its protective properties are slightly worse then those of the PSZ-9a military bulletproof vest. Its structure is similar to the suit popular with neutral stalkers which combines a bulletproof vest and a radiation protection suit. It provides good protection from gunfire. Its level of anomaly protection is low due to the absence of an air" - Description of Monolith Suit
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/XITJs4.jpg
"Stalker suit manufactured by "folk craftsmen". It is an effective combination of a light military bulletproof vest and of a rubberized fabric suit. It is reinforced with inserted kevlar plates and provides good protection from weak gunfire. All in all it is highly inefficient for carrying out deep raids and serious operations in the knots of the Zone." - Stalker Suit (Sunrise)
Additional proof: https://snipboard.io/zMGpqd.jpg
Lastly, Yantar loner NPCs in Clear Sky mention in their dialogue mention very interesting thing:
"I heard a whole faction went missing in the Zone. You ever heard of Monolith? Well, they used to protect the Zone from others, but they made a move towards the center right before the Emission. Nobody has heard from them since, but recently some real aggressive stalkers have been attacking from where the Scorcher is, killing everyone and asking no questions. I know because I saw them myself around the military warehouses, and I reckon they might be those same Monolithians who disappeared. It wouldn't surprise me, because their uniforms looked real similar." Other than a fact that Monolith faction of the trilogy had members from older Monolith who wore similar uniform, dead bodies of Monolithians in Clear Sky, that are scattered over the Zone very well could be the dead bodies of older Monolith faction

I thought I’d add a trip report for Universal Studios Japan as I found some of this detail was hard to find online (e.g. the opening time!) My husband and kids (aged 8 and 11) visited USJ on a weekday in mid April.
Tickets: All purchased through Klook without any problems. Printed at home to save the hassle of flicking through four passes on my phone every time. We bought the 7 Express Pass which was worth every cent. We also bought the Early Entry studio pass, designed to let us in 15 minutes early. That wasn’t entirely accurate, see paragraph below!
Entry times: We had read online that the park opens an hour before the posted time. Not today! The posted time was 9am, and we turned up at 8:15. The park opened at around 8:40. At this time, the regular lines and the Early Entry lines opened all at once. But it was still definitely worth buying the Early Entry pass, because the lines were much, MUCH shorter. If you’re using an Early Entry pass, just show the attendants when you turn up and they’ll direct you to the Early Entry lines.
Super Nintendo World: We had already reserved an entry time for Super Nintendo World at 10:50 through our express passes, but we didn’t want to wait. We checked the app as we walked in at 8:50, and we could get an entry time to SNW at 9:10. We went straight there, lined up, and they let us in 15 minutes early! We found the same for all of our express passes too: They would allow us in at least 10 minutes earlier. Perhaps it’s because it wasn’t a particularly crowded day (still crowded, but not a weekend or holiday). In brief, SNW is everything you’ve seen online, but so spectacular in person.
SNW power up bands: We bought these at the first kiosk, but should’ve followed the advice online and walked further into the area. There were power up band kiosks with no queues inside. We didn’t really get much value for money out of these: the kids had fun hitting the blocks and coins and interacting with them a little on the rides, but they couldn’t be bothered to wait in the long queues for the more elaborate games. There’s a big challenge which requires playing several games to collect keys to enter a boss level. It probably would have taken an extra hour or two, but we were ready to go on more rides.
Jaws: We went on this next, but there was no need for a fast pass as the queue was very short. It was entertaining enough despite being in Japanese. We would have preferred to ride the Hollywood roller coaster; our 7 express pass had that as an alternative to Jaws, but unfortunately it’s currently closed.
Minions Mayhem: This was the best 3D movie ride I had ever been on (until we went on Soaring at DisneySea!). Both are excellent. The intro videos have English subtitles; the main 3D movie ride didn’t, but there wasn’t much dialogue. Very fun, enjoyed by all. Walked past the other Minions ride, Freeze Ray Sliders, but looked like a version of spinning teacups, not worth the ever-lengthening queue times.
Mario Kart: Koopa’s Challenge: Probably our favourite ride for the day. It’s a combination ride / 3D movie / interactive experience with virtual goggles – worth every bit for the express pass, and worth the queue if you don’t have an express pass!
Yoshi’s Adventure: Very much a young kids’ ride and can be skipped! Even our kids looked bored. There are good views, but not much that you can’t see elsewhere. (As an aside, the two best views of the not-yet-opened Donkey Kong Country were found at the peak of the Flight of the Hippogriff rollercoaster, and on the Tempozan Ferris Wheel which we visited the day before.)
Flying Dinosaur: Our 11-year-old doesn’t like extreme roller coasters, but our 8-year-old was unsure as she has liked some bigger roller coasters before. We decided that my husband and I would ride it while the kids watched (and took videos, hilarious) and we could tell her afterwards if it was too scary. DEFINITELY too scary, haha. I love roller coasters, and I closed my eyes in parts. I’m so glad I did it, but it’s not for the faint-of-heart.
Jurassic Park meet and greet: We happened to walk past as the dinosaurs were coming out. Cute for the kids, but not worth structuring your day around. I wish the Jurassic Park log flume ride was open, but it’s currently still closed.
Waterworld: We queued for this 20 minutes before show time, but we needn’t have bothered, as the seating area was huge. They were still letting people in as the performance began, and none were having trouble finding seats. We could have chosen the front row, but we sat slightly behind the ‘splash zone’ so we wouldn’t get wet. Sitting higher up afforded a better view too, but views would have been good from anywhere. The plot was simple enough to follow without understanding Japanese – fun and good for a long rest for our already tired feet!
Hogsmeade: Utterly stunning, all of it: The shops, the food, the performances (singing frogs and magical beasts turned up regularly). We ate at the Three Broomsticks, which appeared crowded with a long queue, but with an app to order, it cleared quickly enough. There were plenty of empty tables out the back, with a view across the lake to Hogwarts! My kids had wanted to try butterbeer for so long, but it was sickly sweet, like bubbly maple syrup. It was quite difficult to find a place to dispose of the rest of the drink so we could take the souvenir cups home, but eventually we just dumped the contents in the bathroom sink.
Interactive wands: These were much better value for our kids, and they took part in five of the seven interactive spells before exhaustion hit at the end of the day. The first (wingardium leviosa!) was not being managed by staff, so it was hard to get it to work. It had about a 50% success rate. The later ones were all managed by very kind and patient staff (who also happened to speak excellent English) who allowed each guest to keep trying until it worked. It meant the queues were slow-moving, but most were short enough, and my kids were happy to wait while they watched others attempting the spells.
Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey: We were so excited for this one, but it scared both my kids a bit! The 8-year-old because of the giant dementors (both on-screen and big animatronics), and the 11-year-old because the chair actually tipped a really long way back and forward. She was worried we would go right upside-down, but we didn’t. It was a lot more intense than we had expected. I really loved it, but be careful if you have sensitive kids.
Flight of the Hippogriff: This is a pretty tame roller coaster, and I’m not sure why people would queue two hours for it. The kids loved it, though. One warning: my six foot tall husband had to be moved to the front row as his legs didn’t fit!
Minions Mayhem again: We noticed on the app that there was only a 10 minute queue for Minions Mayhem, so my husband and 8-year-old had another go. A 10 minute queue means no queue at all, as it takes 10 minutes to walk through and watch the intro videos. We checked the app, and all the more popular rides still had huge queues, so decided to call it a day.
All up, we were there from opening to 6pm, and were utterly exhausted by the end of it. Plan a quieter day for afterwards, if you can! And we were very jealous of the people staying in the hotel right by the park – in hindsight it would have been worth the extra packing and unpacking to shift to that hotel for the night before and/or after.

This is my first post I’m not really sure how redit works so bear with me, all of this also JUST happened tonight so my mind is everywhere, but I’m almost 99.999% positive my 22 F boyfriend 23 M is gay. Me and him have kind of always had a really rocky relationship that I’ve always kind of known wasn’t healthy, but we’ve been on and off for 7 years. I lost my virginity to him, he’s my first love, literally my first everything, and all of this doesn’t even feel real.
He’s always been uncomfortable with PDA and as we’ve gotten older he’s been more detached and not as loving as he once was. I just figured it was because we’ve broken up for months and (once) years at a time, so he’s just keeping his guard up. But as of lately it’s been even worse. I only see him once a week, and later in the night for example he’ll come over around 8 or 9pm and fall asleep around 11 or 12 and wake me up in the morning saying he’s going home. So in all I’m getting about 3 hours a week with him. I’ve brought it up several times and even broke up with him over it. Eventually we’ve gotten back together of course, but it’s just weird to me. He does work a lot, but he spends ALL of his free time with his friends, and I’ve never met them.
7 YEARS in each others lives and I’ve never met his closest friends besides a few mutuals.
Anyways, tonight he came over because we were talking on the phone late last night and decided to get back together after being broken up for about 2 weeks. When he got here (10:45pm btw) I felt so emotional and unwanted because of him coming over so late (he was with his friends) but tried to just brush it off as me being me. We messed around, and I immediately started crying after which is not normal for me. He didn’t notice bc he was overly tired from work and being a little drunk so we cuddled a bit and he fell asleep.
That’s when I got the urge to go through his phone. I know what most people will say about that, it was really shitty, but we haven’t done that to each other in years so it was very weird I suddenly felt like I needed to. It was completely clean and there was literally nothing that bothered me, until I went to his google search history.
It was ALL GAY P VIDEOS. Literally all of it. Shemale, femboy, straight up ‘regular’ gay p, you name it. There was NO hetero p from what I saw.
This isn’t the first time he’s done something that’s made me question his sexuality. We’ve explored peg ging, which he loved so much he got a bit obsessive about it, like touching his nether region is all he wanted at one point. I haven’t done it in a long time, and I think he’s picked up on that because he’s relaxed a lot. But still brings it up often.
Once he was looking through his camera roll with me next to him, and I saw pics of him in girls underwear. We had a long emotional talk, he explained it was just part of his fetish for butt stuff, and I asked him if he’s gay or at least bi, and he said no. I told him I would always love him no matter what and if he was he could tell me. He got really mad, and insisted that wasn’t the case. So I dropped it and we never talked about the pictures again.
He’s always made really overly homophobic comments, not only am I bisexual (he’s aware of this) but most of the people I’m closest to are some type of queer, so we would often get into heated arguments regarding the lgbt+ community. He would always just really over play it, and I let it slide bc I’d always had an inkling he was probably bi himself and not ready to admit like most people who grew up in religious settings like himself.
All of this has happened months and even a couple years apart. So up until the gay p I never really thought he was fully gay.
If anyone sees this PLEASE give me advice on how to approach this. I can’t just break up with him without reason, and especially without knowing for certain. After 7 years I need some type of clarity. I’ve tried to move on before and we ALWAYS come back together. I don’t know how to approach this situation, I get that it’s going to be VERY sensitive for him, I don’t want to force him to come out to me, but I need something after spending 1/3 of my life loving and being with him. Again sorry if this is poorly worded and doesn’t make sense.
TL;DR I found gay p on my boyfriend’s phone after 7 years of being together, and along with other incidents. I have no idea how to handle this situation, he’s always been a bit overly “homophobic” and I need advice on how to handle this without making him feel cornered or forcing him to come out if he isn’t ready.

I had a lot of food for thought in the past week. To be fair, the suspicion that I could be AuDHD has been rummaging in my brain for quite some time now, but it took a talk with my co-worker who was recently diagnosed with Autism for me to really dig deeper. She is very high-functioning and high-masking, but we share so many traits in various aspects that it kind of just clicked for me.
I then spoke to my mum on Friday and asked her if she thinks it possible and funnily enough, she instantly said that it is extremely likely based on my difficulties in social scenarios and stimuli. She is a care worker and has completed many courses on autism due to her job, so hearing that made me feel extremely validated. I am currently only diagnosed with ADHD because I didn't bring up the possibility of autism at that point.
My symptoms are probably on the lower end of the spectrum. It is very hard to find resources online that are written specifically for women with AuDHD. So I thought to post here and see if people diagnosed with both can relate or if I'm just completely off the mark.
For a long time I didn't really do well in groups of people. They overwhelm and overstimulate me if I am not in a setting of people who don't share my special interests. Other times I simply just am.... Extremely uninterested in talking to people who don't like what I like. The point my mum highlighted was that I always avoided social interaction, that talking to people made me extremely anxious, that I never "fit in". I know that something like this can be attributed to general anxiety or social anxiety, but for me the biggest issue is always that I simply don't know how to engage with people because I don't know how to be like them. Small talk doesn't do much for me. I learned to do it to be polite, because that's the social norm, but I don't care about it at all. I always just want to talk about my special interests and that's why it's easier for me to be social at, for example, comic cons and stuff. Because that's the only place where I feel like I can be myself. If I am forced to talk to "normal" people I feel out of place and extremely uncomfortable. I have to play a role, but always with the sense that I am an imposter.
Then there's eye contact. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to look at a person's face when I am talking to them. I can't pinpoint why, but eye contact makes me squirm and cringe and I don't like it at all. I also force myself to do it now because again, it's kind of the norm.
My special interests absorb me and it's usually all I think about. I have always been a daydreamer, living in the world I am currently absorbed by. My partner is very likely on the spectrum too and luckily we share the same special interests, so that is an absolute blessing because he is the only person in my life I really don't have to mask with.
I have been stimming since I was a child, and textures are an especially important part for me. I always need to touch something with texture, even now.
But there's certain textures and smells that make me really uncomfortable. Oily or slimy things in particular. For the longest time I was unable to moisturise my skin because the feeling of cream is a big no for me. Therefore I've also hardly ever used sunscreen because the feeling AND smell is horrible for me. I apologise for the TMI but I struggle extremely with giving oral sex due to that reason too. I can't deal with the texture of certain bodily fluids and it makes me feel awful because my partner became insecure about it before. I tried to explain why to him, but I don't know how you explain something like that.
Empathy is a difficult subject. I always thought I was an extremely empathetic person, because I'm always there for other people and do what I can do help them. But if I really dig deep, I don't know if I truly ever understood someone's emotions in the way neurotypical people might. Big emotions make me uncomfortable because I don't know how to react. So it is likely my trying to comfort others was a way to help someone stop feeling these big feelings, so that it no longer makes me feel awkward. It sounds horrible, I know. That said, being empathetic is a lot easier when it happens on the internet, because I'm not directly next to someone who is crying. I also don't have any trouble crying at movies or stuff, and I am extremely against justice or harm against vulnerable groups (be that animals or people) and my empathy absolutely kicks in when I see injustice or harm against them. It is really tricky, and I don't know how to explain it.
However I think due to my ADHD I never struggled when my routine gets interrupted, because I'm so used to not having one. I am definitely stuck in ways to do stuff - I can't creatively think outside of the box and have to do things a certain way, be it at work or with my hobbies, and that places a huge barrier for me, because I feel like it prevents me from progressing. I did have emotional outbursts before when plans got interrupted I've prepared for in my head. But generally I can be quite spontaneous (or rather impulsive, if we're being honest) without trouble.
Sorry this got really long, but I'd be interested in hearing your stories and if you can relate. I'm probably gonna pursue a diagnosis eventually just to have a definitive answer and to be able to say "ah, this is why I am the way I am".