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English: worth

sum of valuable qualities which render anything useful and sought
hence, often, value as expressed in a standard, as money
to be; to become; to betide

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Translations

Catalan: valor
Chinese: 值得
Esperanto: valoro
French: valeur
Galician: valor
German: Der Wert, wert
Hindi: मूल्य
Italian: valore
Portuguese: valor
Romanian: valoare
Spanish: valor
Swedish: värde

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Report an incorrect translation @ https://wordofthehour.org/translations

Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some realistic advice and insights on my current job search situation in Shanghai. Here’s a bit about my background and what I’m facing:
My Background:

Nationality: EU citizen
Education: Studied in the UK for 5 years. I hold a BSc in Computer Science (First-class Honours) and an MSc in Advanced Computer Science (Merit).
Experience: 3+ years in software development:
- 2 years at a private company
- 1 year at a government research agency working on control software for particle accelerators
- All work experience was before & during my undergrad and postgrad studies (all full-time: office, remote, and placement year).
Relevant Languages: Fluent in English (though not a native speaker), very limited Mandarin.

Visa Situation:

Looking to stay in Shanghai for around 2 years.
My passport doesn't allow long-stay multi-entry L visas. I’ve managed to get a 60-day single-entry L visa before (considered rare for my passport), but I’ve been told by the visa people that I can’t stay longer than 6 months within a 12-month period using short-term L visas.
Therefore, I need to secure a work (Z) visa or, as a last resort, an X1 student visa (though scholarship applications for this year seem to be closed).

Job Search Efforts:

Applied to over 200 jobs at 100+ companies (multinationals, domestic companies, schools, etc.) in the past 2 months.
Used multiple job platforms: LinkedIn, Indeed, GlassDoor, LaowaiCarrer, eChinaCities, HiredChina, SmartShanghai, LiePin (猎聘), and ZhiLianTuiTui (智联推推).
Applied to a variety of positions: software-related, IT and tech support, CS/Programming & ESL teaching, customer support call centers, SEO optimization, QA/Localisation, marketing, various internships, etc.
I've been open and flexible in my job search, willing to make sacrifices in career progression for roles I may be overqualified for or not directly related to my background.

Challenges:

Multinationals seem to only need seniors or team leads with many more years of experience and have, for the most part, ghosted me.
Expat websites are flooded with listings for teaching jobs that have good benefits and (frustratingly) loose requirements but require native English speakers.
Many English-related jobs (localization, proofreading, digital content creation, translation QA, user research, etc.) inexplicably require native English speakers. Despite being able to excel in these roles and achieve a high IELTS/TOEFL score if needed, I am deemed unqualified solely due to my passport.
HR on Chinese job boards have shown a lot of interest in me, but most Chinese companies don’t seem to be currently hiring international talent.

Current Plan:

Planning to stay in Shanghai later this year for as long as my tourist visa allows, to continue job hunting in person. I am hoping that this will simplify the process and improve my chances. I will have, at most, 3 months on my L visa.
If during that time I still don't manage to secure work, I really won't know what else to do, as I may not be issued another L visa.

My Question:
I'm currently in a bind. With my background and qualifications, finding a good programming job in Europe wouldn't be too difficult. However, in Shanghai, it's been so challenging to find any job, even those I'm grossly overqualified for, no matter how much I lower my standards regarding career progression and compensation. Although I could find a remote job, that wouldn't solve my visa issue.
Given my qualifications and experience, what are the realistic chances of finding any job in Shanghai that provides a livable wage and normal work hours? Any advice on navigating the job market or improving my odds would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have insights on making this work?
Thank you!

I was recently having a debate with a friend. He is a native speaker of mandarin & cantonese, and while I am a native english speaker. The essence of our discussion was whether or not character based languages innately improve a speakers memory vs alphabet based languages?
Their argument (for) was that this was the same topics such as the argument with Japanese blue v Green & perception. Language you learn affects the way your brain operates, so it is by itself a possible claim. Expanding on this, the number of characters you need to know for fluently engaging in society is significantly larger than the number of letters you need to know. He argued that if you forget a word you can sound it out & guess the meaning from its root and prefixes/affixed. He additionally brought up memorizing stroke order (but my counter there, that stroke order is fairly consistent across characters & intuitiveh
I argued against, as we don't read words one letter at a time anyway. It is remembering whole words, and to that end his own argument (remembering root words, prefixes, etc.) not only makes it comparable to mandarin, but in my opinion the Chinese radical system actually makes it easier to guess the meaning of a new character (at least in traditional) compared to english. Additionally I think the comparison to the "blue/green" studies is unfair - this feels to be a better example of nature v nurture. Does something about being a character based language speaker improve your memory, or does the fact that their (in china) education system emphasis memorization (poetry recitation, etc) lead to it.
That is a huge oversimplification of our discussion it was multiple hours. But the gist is, is there something about chinese & other character based languages that make their speakers better at remembering things?

Hi everyone,
So... long story short I need another foreign language for Duke. I studied Chinese in high school, but I'm a heritage speaker and I've already passed the HSK6 so I don't really feel like studying it officially, as I have plenty of immersion. I'm currently torn between Japanese and French for my foreign language. So the thing with Japanese is that I've taken roughly a year of it already, and based on the placement info I would be able to do at least 102 or maybe 201, while I have learned no French. Japanese is also to my advantage because I can read Chinese so most of the time I know/can guess the meaning of most Kanji. However, I've had the opportunity to spend roughly half a year in Japan and I gotta say... it's not for me. So I'm not sure how useful/how urgently I need to learn the language. Also, when I looked at the staff names it seems that most of them are Chinese which isn't a deal breaker, but I'm wondering if native speakers would be better.
On the other hand, I would really like to study/work in Europe after I graduate, and I also plan on working in the public policy/nonprofit/academia route so I think maybe French would be better for that? Or if you recommend another language I would be happy to look into it, I just think French is the most popular after English.
TLDR; how much do y'all recommend the Japanese or French courses at Duke? What are the workload/study abroad options like? Thanks in advance.

English: sweet

having an agreeable taste or flavor such as that of sugar
not changed from a sound or wholesome state. specifically: (a) not sour
pleasing to the smell

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Translations

Catalan: dolç
Chinese: 甜
Esperanto: dolĉa
French: doux
Galician: doce
German: süß
Hindi: मीठा
Italian: dolce
Japanese: 甘い / あまい
Portuguese: doce
Romanian: dulce
Spanish: dulce
Swedish: söt
Welsh: losen

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Hello. My name is Dennis, majoring in mechanical engineering in Frankfurt, Germany. I am particularly interested in mechanical engineering and major knowledge related to military weapons, so I set my goal to go to a company related to this as the ultimate goal of employment later.
But not long ago, I completely changed the course of my dream because of a single incident.
Recently, among my friends who dealt with mechanical engineering of military weapons related to me, a topic related to Korea's nuclear armament has emerged as a pretty interesting topic.
In particular, Korea has recently been a rising travel country among our university students, and the fact that we can enjoy a very normal rich life that we can never feel in other countries while traveling has been popular.
Perhaps that's why when news about Korea's nuclear armament came out, there were many opinions among our colleagues that if Korea was nuclear-armed, it would have the same military ranking as the United States.
It would be the same because Korea is currently at the forefront of the next generation of digital industries and technologies, and even the United States does not have professional military machine technology or the process rate of making such weapons clean without margin of error. However, not long ago, my colleagues and I encountered an outside lecture by a Chinese professor, and we were very angry. As soon as the lecture began, the Chinese professor suddenly said that Korea did not even have money to arm itself with nuclear weapons, away from the topic of Germany's military weapons and defense budget. The Chinese professor snorted, saying, "Korea is a poor country because the country itself is poor and buys various military weapons from China. What would Korea do with nuclear armament that the U.S. wants?" and added false data to make it look like Korea is a poor country.

Firstly,in the past several years,my English is always bad and i have no good ways to memorize so many words for reading an article and exam.So one night,i start to consider:How natives learn English?Why their baby can say various words and read many article? And in the end,i get the reason.(I'm from Taiwan,so i make examples about Chinese,but the method isn't just for Chinese.) Except for their parents often say words to him,they won't memorize many words at first. Yes,they just understand an approximation of a word.They don't recite any word precisely,which can improve their efficiency of reciting words and reading extremely.And with they growing,they can say and write words precisely. So...why not simulate their behaviors? So i try the method,like a baby native,i don't memorize the words precisely. I just memorize the approximation of words. And until now,i have practices the way for half a year,which benefits me a lot. I think it's a good way to learn English for reading.And if u can keep on my methods,like me for half year,u will find that with your again and again memorizing the approximation,u can write words precisely,just like a baby native. I share my method,which maybe help u.😃

I have extensive experience with lead generation using scrappers to find emails and send cold emails, as well as recruiting and HR tasks such as researching job descriptions, building job posts, evaluating performance, and detecting scammers.
In addition, I am skilled in project management, using tools such as Asana, Trello, and Hubstaff to keep projects on track and ensure successful completion. I am also familiar with SEO and have worked as an SEO editor and manager.
I am seeking a full-time virtual assistant position with a dynamic and forward-thinking company. I am fluent in English, have excellent communication skills, and am comfortable working remotely. I am available to work on a flexible schedule and am open to discussing pay rates.
Rate: 10USD/Hour
If you're interested in learning more about my qualifications, please don't hesitate to contact me. Thank you for considering my application!

Hi!
I'm an exchange student travelling to PKU for the Fall Semester (2024-2025) and hoping to study some Chinese language classes whilst over there alongside a few English taught courses. I was wondering if there was a way to access an updated list of English taught undergraduate courses available for Exchange students in 2024 - I've only found this link thus far, but it didn't give me access to the unit of study outlines for each of the classes http://www.dean.pku.edu.cn/service/web/courseSearchEn.php (eg assessment schedule, the weekly content taught). If anyone knew of where to find this, or just the general website page for unit of study outlines at PKU I would be so grateful!!!
Moreover, if anyone has previously done semester exchange at PKU, would they be able to advise on the subject selection system/amount of units that is acceptable?
Thank you,
:)

I should've been warned about some of the issues that can happen within the college, especially in this generation. Such as, how students would behave in the campus. I should've been aware that many students can tend to behave like Y7 and Y9 kids, of course, as its a standalone college, most likely alot of students got into alot of trouble back at school so they had to leave. Also, being aware that it won't be 100% quick that I will reach out and make new mates as some students may already have large group of friends from the same secondary school and may refuse to reach out to others. Not saying that due to having bad social skills; I do have good social skills although I wait for others to reach out because I had been back stabbed a few times by my best friends during the holidays.
If I was aware about some of the cons, like how college students can have this bad behaviour like also bad manners to members of the public or even the staff in the campus, I could adjust my plans slightly and go to the sixth form of my high school. Which means that, I should take some of the subjects that I hate seriously, such as GCSE English Literature and Combined Science (Though I passed in that subject); my sixth form needs 6 GCSEs at grades 5 and above, including Maths, English Language, English Literature. Sixth form students are the ones who would actually grow up and be like minded, because a sixth form is owned (predominantly) by the school, so the staff do still give the same consequences.
Why they behave like this? Well, colleges usually give freedom and have less rules. Many students take it the wrong way and think freedom means they can do all the bad things they couldn't do in school; I've witnessed stuff such as drug uses, condoms everywhere etc.
With the betrayal being happened, if I was at my sixth form, I would move on effortlessly as I will be with others that were familiar from the get go and my self esteem and trust will come back immediately or may never even go. My school did got worse, but I'd rather suffer from biased policies instead of wasting time having to interfere with hundreds of strangers in the college who aren't so like minded.
Anyways, I just wanted to get this out of my chest.
What about you all? What stuff you should've known before college?

Hi everyone,
I'm looking for some realistic advice and insights on my current job search situation in Shanghai. Here’s a bit about my background and what I’m facing:
My Background:

Nationality: EU citizen
Education: Studied in the UK for 5 years. I hold a BSc in Computer Science (First-class Honours) and an MSc in Advanced Computer Science (Merit).
Experience: 3+ years in software development:
- 2 years at a private company
- 1 year at a government research agency working on control software for particle accelerators
- All work experience was before & during my undergrad and postgrad studies (all full-time: office, remote, and placement year).
Relevant Languages: Fluent in English (though not a native speaker), very limited Mandarin.

Visa Situation:

Looking to stay in Shanghai for around 2 years.
My passport doesn't allow long-stay multi-entry L visas. I’ve managed to get a 60-day single-entry L visa before (considered rare for my passport), but I’ve been told by the visa people that I can’t stay longer than 6 months within a 12-month period using short-term L visas.
Therefore, I need to secure a work (Z) visa or, as a last resort, an X1 student visa (though scholarship applications for this year seem to be closed).

Job Search Efforts:

Applied to over 200 jobs at 100+ companies (multinationals, domestic companies, schools, etc.) in the past 2 months.
Used multiple job platforms: LinkedIn, Indeed, GlassDoor, LaowaiCarrer, eChinaCities, HiredChina, SmartShanghai, LiePin (猎聘), and ZhiLianTuiTui (智联推推).
Applied to a variety of positions: software-related, IT and tech support, CS/Programming & ESL teaching, customer support call centers, SEO optimization, QA/Localisation, marketing, various internships, etc.
I've been open and flexible in my job search, willing to make sacrifices in career progression for roles I may be overqualified for or not directly related to my background.

Challenges:

Multinationals seem to only need seniors or team leads with many more years of experience and have, for the most part, ghosted me.
Expat websites are flooded with listings for teaching jobs that have good benefits and (frustratingly) loose requirements but require native English speakers.
Many English-related jobs (localization, proofreading, digital content creation, translation QA, user research, etc.) inexplicably require native English speakers. Despite being able to excel in these roles and achieve a high IELTS/TOEFL score if needed, I am deemed unqualified solely due to my passport.
HR on Chinese job boards have shown a lot of interest in me, but most Chinese companies don’t seem to be currently hiring international talent.

Current Plan:

Planning to stay in Shanghai later this year for as long as my tourist visa allows, to continue job hunting in person. I am hoping that this will simplify the process and improve my chances. I will have, at most, 3 months on my L visa.
If during that time I still don't manage to secure work, I really won't know what else to do, as I may not be issued another L visa.

My Question:
I'm currently in a bind. With my background and qualifications, finding a good programming job in Europe wouldn't be too difficult. However, in Shanghai, it's been so challenging to find any job, even those I'm grossly overqualified for, no matter how much I lower my standards regarding career progression and compensation. Although I could find a remote job, that wouldn't solve my visa issue.
Given my qualifications and experience, what are the realistic chances of finding any job in Shanghai that provides a livable wage and normal work hours? Any advice on navigating the job market or improving my odds would be greatly appreciated. Has anyone been in a similar situation or have insights on making this work?
Thank you!

English: artillery

ordnance, including guns, mortars, howitzers, etc., with their equipment of carriages, balls, bombs, and shot of all kinds
cannon; great guns
the men and officers of that branch of the army to which the care and management of artillery are confided

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Translations

Catalan: artilleria
Chinese: 炮兵，火炮
Esperanto: artilerio
Galician: artillaría
German: die Artillerie
Italian: artiglieria
Japanese: 砲兵 / ほうへい
Portuguese: artilharia
Romanian: artilerie
Spanish: artillería
Swedish: artilleri

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See previous words @ https://wordofthehour.org/past

I don’t even know where to start. From the first day that I met my in-laws a decade ago, they have been entitled, demanding and generally very difficult and frustrating to deal with. I love my husband very much, and we very rarely have problems or fights unless it’s concerning his parents and his sister.
Some back story, my husband and his mom are Eastern European, while my husband’s stepdad and I are Chinese, and we all live in China. His half-sister is mixed European and Chinese. I can barely believe that he’s related to these people: he’s independent, competent, helpful, generous and logical, whereas they are none of these things.
Even before we got married, my in-laws constantly asked me to do favors for them, and I think they treat me like a servant. They’ve even ruined two of my birthdays in a row with some demanding tantrums over stupid shit, and my MIL tried to commandeer my wedding, she even called it her wedding.
One of the problems is that both of them are terrible communicators: my MIL, despite having lived in China for three decades, does not speak Chinese, whereas I don’t speak her mother tongue. Her English is quite poor and she constantly misunderstands me when we try to communicate in English. Even something as simple as organizing a meet up is riddled with frustrations because she has absolutely no communication skills, and she doesn’t even know how to use GPS or other basic Chinese apps. She is the most helpless person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. She hasn’t had a job since she came to China and she is incompetency personified.
On top of that she is snobby, she looks down on most Chinese people and whenever we socialize she is always complaining about something or someone, and she thinks all Chinese people are out of scam her. She lives in a total expat bubble and does not understand most Chinese customs or way of life. My FIL, ironically being Chinese himself, is also a terrible communicator and has a bad case of untreated adult ADD. He’s always spewing bullshit conspiracies at me, or putting me down, or going on about some complete non-sequitur. They’re both demanding and entitled, and if you help them with one favor, they’ll ask for ten more immediately, they’re both total choosing beggars.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was that about 2 years ago, my sister-in-law was getting ready to apply for university in the US. Since I had gone to college in the US, they both asked my husband to make me help her with her college application and SATs. I didn’t want to do it, because I knew there would be communication problems and misunderstandings galore, but after much pleading from my husband, acquiesced in the end.
From the get-go, it was a total nightmare. They both knew absolutely nothing about the US university application process, but whenever I tried to explain it they both talked over me and didn’t listen at all. On top of that they were delusional about my sister-in-law’s grades. She is a mediocre student at best and has absolutely no hobbies or extracurricular interests other than video games, and she acts bratty and immature for her age. Despite this, they thought she could get into Colombia or NYU. Eventually I found them an agency to help them, but as usual my MIL thought the agency was out to scam her and started complaining about them to me and my FIL right away. He, being the entitled twat that he is, told me he was going to sue them for not delivering, even though he didn’t even bother to read the contract he signed with them, and told me to read it, and resolve the situation otherwise he will sue.
On top of this, my SIL, being lazy and spoiled, hated going to them and took it out on me personally by being excessively rude to me everyone I saw her. She would often roll her eyes at me, complain about the agency loudly, or otherwise pretend that I didn’t exist. She has also taken to texting me 40 messages in a row on WeChat in the middle of the night, demanding help with her college application. My MIL witnessed some of this behavior and said nothing. I got so fed up that I started to avoid them completely, and quit our group chats. After a few months they realized I was avoiding them, and started complaining about me and badmouthing me to my husband for “disrespecting” them.
Last September, my husband forced me to go to a dinner with them, after I had managed to avoid them for half a year. My MIL and SIL were both incredibly rude to me and cold-shouldered me all night. I was very upset and honestly didn’t want to ever see them again. Around Thanksgiving they decided it was time to “forgive” me, and I was forced into another dinner with them. The favor-asking started again after this, this time my MIL wanted help changing the wallpapers in her house, which I had done for them before. I was honestly beyond done with them at this point and never wanted to help them with anything again, but as usual my husband begged and pleaded. After I helped them, my husband told his mom to text me to thank me and tell me she was satisfied with the result. Instead she texts (the first time she has texted me in over a year) that she wants to change the wallpaper in every room of their house and wants me to find her new wallpaper books, and help them some more with this.
At this point I am furious. I honestly don’t ever want to see or talk to them again. They never apologized for any of their behavior, never even realized how awful they have been to me over the years, and have gotten comfortable enough to demand favors again. I want my husband to tell them that it’s not okay to treat me this way, and how their past behavior hurt my feelings, but my husband thinks his mom is too sensitive, will misunderstand, and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I also offered a face-to-face meeting with her to tell her myself how offensive I find her and my FIL and SIL’s behavior to be, but my husband thinks that her English isn’t strong enough for this and thinks I will offend her and she will misunderstand as usual.
I don’t know what to do at this point, all I know is I can’t stand any of them and can barely bring myself to be civil at this point. I feel allergic to them. I’ve talked about this endlessly to my husband, but he thinks I’m overreacting and that they aren’t that bad to me. He thinks I should just take it. He works for my FIL, and he’s used to them badgering him to help them with basic things. He thinks it’s okay that they treat me like an extension of him, but I’m not okay with it anymore.
I cut ties with my own mother a decade again for abuse, controlling behavior and treating me like a servant. I honestly can’t believe I’m experiencing this with my in-laws all over again, it triggers me like nothing else. I don’t want to leave my husband, and we have a very happy life together otherwise. He’s such a good person, but he’s also caught in the middle. I know my thoughts and complaints about his family hurts him a lot.
I’ve tried searching online for advice on how to deal with entitled and demanding in-laws, but I can’t find any specific to my case. They don’t interfere with my life otherwise, they only reach out when they want me to do something for them. I feel like they only value me for what I can do for them, and I’m hurt that my husband thinks his mom’s feelings are more important than mine. Every time we talk about them it leads to a massive fight between us. He simply cannot see it from my point of view, and constantly tells me to get over it, and that their behavior isn’t a big deal. What do I do?

I'm almost finish with my first year of archi and currently working on my final design project. A year in this program I don't feel like I've learn anything. I can see that it's normal for me to struggle in the first year, but with my current language skill it really is holding me down to know more about what other's trying to say with their design and also in class. Earlier, I would still try to catch up on my class other than design. However nowadays i just give up and focus on my design more. We have 2 design class each week, which we have to bring models and report how our design is progressing. That itself is quite overwhelming, since mainly I would just bring out stuff and make some bullshit with it to make my design look like it's expanding and progressing. In fact it's not. I do feel like communicating is quite the most important point in archi.
Each design class also feels like hell to me since I have to explain myself in chinese. I have done 4 design juries in the past and got an E for all of it. It's all because I failed to explain myself and the profs would'nt be able to understand my poor chinese. Slowly I began to be that hated student. The one that only hanging out with other international students in class, writing english in exam and just want to talk in english. Man i swear if the local friends here would just be normal and nice i would be more than happy to be friends. They do be rude. And now I came to a point where i just giving up trying to talk to them.
there's one professors that would view international students as this bad students, because apparently we bring the average class scores down. He hated the fact that we're writing in english. I just really feel like giving up everyday and it's not worth to work it out anymore.

I don’t even know where to start. From the first day that I met my in-laws a decade ago, they have been entitled, demanding and generally very difficult and frustrating to deal with. I love my husband very much, and we very rarely have problems or fights unless it’s concerning his parents and his sister.
Some back story, my husband and his mom are Eastern European, while my husband’s stepdad and I are Chinese, and we all live in China. His half-sister is mixed European and Chinese. I can barely believe that he’s related to these people: he’s independent, competent, helpful, generous and logical, whereas they are none of these things.
Even before we got married, my in-laws constantly asked me to do favors for them, and I think they treat me like a servant. They’ve even ruined two of my birthdays in a row with some demanding tantrums over stupid shit, and my MIL tried to commandeer my wedding, she even called it her wedding.
One of the problems is that both of them are terrible communicators: my MIL, despite having lived in China for three decades, does not speak Chinese, whereas I don’t speak her mother tongue. Her English is quite poor and she constantly misunderstands me when we try to communicate in English. Even something as simple as organizing a meet up is riddled with frustrations because she has absolutely no communication skills, and she doesn’t even know how to use GPS or other basic Chinese apps. She is the most helpless person I have ever had the misfortune of meeting. She hasn’t had a job since she came to China and she is incompetency personified.
On top of that she is snobby, she looks down on most Chinese people and whenever we socialize she is always complaining about something or someone, and she thinks all Chinese people are out of scam her. She lives in a total expat bubble and does not understand most Chinese customs or way of life. My FIL, ironically being Chinese himself, is also a terrible communicator and has a bad case of untreated adult ADD. He’s always spewing bullshit conspiracies at me, or putting me down, or going on about some complete non-sequitur. They’re both demanding and entitled, and if you help them with one favor, they’ll ask for ten more immediately, they’re both total choosing beggars.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was that about 2 years ago, my sister-in-law was getting ready to apply for university in the US. Since I had gone to college in the US, they both asked my husband to make me help her with her college application and SATs. I didn’t want to do it, because I knew there would be communication problems and misunderstandings galore, but after much pleading from my husband, acquiesced in the end.
From the get-go, it was a total nightmare. They both knew absolutely nothing about the US university application process, but whenever I tried to explain it they both talked over me and didn’t listen at all. On top of that they were delusional about my sister-in-law’s grades. She is a mediocre student at best and has absolutely no hobbies or extracurricular interests other than video games, and she acts bratty and immature for her age. Despite this, they thought she could get into Colombia or NYU. Eventually I found them an agency to help them, but as usual my MIL thought the agency was out to scam her and started complaining about them to me and my FIL right away. He, being the entitled twat that he is, told me he was going to sue them for not delivering, even though he didn’t even bother to read the contract he signed with them, and told me to read it, and resolve the situation otherwise he will sue.
On top of this, my SIL, being lazy and spoiled, hated going to them and took it out on me personally by being excessively rude to me everyone I saw her. She would often roll her eyes at me, complain about the agency loudly, or otherwise pretend that I didn’t exist. She has also taken to texting me 40 messages in a row on WeChat in the middle of the night, demanding help with her college application. My MIL witnessed some of this behavior and said nothing. I got so fed up that I started to avoid them completely, and quit our group chats. After a few months they realized I was avoiding them, and started complaining about me and badmouthing me to my husband for “disrespecting” them.
Last September, my husband forced me to go to a dinner with them, after I had managed to avoid them for half a year. My MIL and SIL were both incredibly rude to me and cold-shouldered me all night. I was very upset and honestly didn’t want to ever see them again. Around Thanksgiving they decided it was time to “forgive” me, and I was forced into another dinner with them. The favor-asking started again after this, this time my MIL wanted help changing the wallpapers in her house, which I had done for them before. I was honestly beyond done with them at this point and never wanted to help them with anything again, but as usual my husband begged and pleaded. After I helped them, my husband told his mom to text me to thank me and tell me she was satisfied with the result. Instead she texts (the first time she has texted me in over a year) that she wants to change the wallpaper in every room of their house and wants me to find her new wallpaper books, and help them some more with this.
At this point I am furious. I honestly don’t ever want to see or talk to them again. They never apologized for any of their behavior, never even realized how awful they have been to me over the years, and have gotten comfortable enough to demand favors again. I want my husband to tell them that it’s not okay to treat me this way, and how their past behavior hurt my feelings, but my husband thinks his mom is too sensitive, will misunderstand, and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I also offered a face-to-face meeting with her to tell her myself how offensive I find her and my FIL and SIL’s behavior to be, but my husband thinks that her English isn’t strong enough for this and thinks I will offend her and she will misunderstand as usual.
I don’t know what to do at this point, all I know is I can’t stand any of them and can barely bring myself to be civil at this point. I feel allergic to them. I’ve talked about this endlessly to my husband, but he thinks I’m overreacting and that they aren’t that bad to me. He thinks I should just take it. He works for my FIL, and he’s used to them badgering him to help them with basic things. He thinks it’s okay that they treat me like an extension of him, but I’m not okay with it anymore.
I cut ties with my own mother a decade again for abuse, controlling behavior and treating me like a servant. I honestly can’t believe I’m experiencing this with my in-laws all over again, it triggers me like nothing else. I don’t want to leave my husband, and we have a very happy life together otherwise. He’s such a good person, but he’s also caught in the middle. I know my thoughts and complaints about his family hurts him a lot.
I’ve tried searching online for advice on how to deal with entitled and demanding in-laws, but I can’t find any specific to my case. They don’t interfere with my life otherwise, they only reach out when they want me to do something for them. I feel like they only value me for what I can do for them, and I’m hurt that my husband thinks his mom’s feelings are more important than mine. Every time we talk about them it leads to a massive fight between us. He simply cannot see it from my point of view, and constantly tells me to get over it, and that their behavior isn’t a big deal. What do I do?