So, I'm waiting for the game to download and while it is, I wanted to take this time to lay down my hopes/expectations of the game. Let me be clear, this is NOT me saying I want everything I want there right out the gate. That's a fools request and frankly, not realistic. Some of them will probably be just me coping, or talking about things that might never come, and that's okay. A game doesn't have to be perfect to succeed. That all out of the way, I'm gonna jump in

• Some kind of story. The whole vibe I get from this game is that it's basically the Smash Ultimate of Ubisoft (though an fps instead of a platform fighter). And that's cool, genuinely. Having factions based off of the most popular IPs is a smart, fresh take on the genre. But I want to know why. Why are all these characters and factions suddenly sharing the same space? Why are they all fighting when most of them are usually fighting for the same thing? I'm not asking for a full blown campaign, but having some sort of lore that includes us the player would be really cool to see
• Co-op/PvE/Horde Rush. It's no secret that CoD is kind of a dumpster fire right now. With that comes the opportunity to reinvent not just the Multiplayer formula, but many of the side modes as well. For me, that's Zombies. I'm not saying that a horde mode HAS to be Zombies in XDefiant, but we're already seeing games like Sker Ritual start to be real contenders for a gamemode which CoD has really had a monopoly over.
• No Gun Metas. Frankly, I know this one is near impossible, but I can't be the only one tired of everyone in CoD using the same guns that can destroy you faster than you can react. Don't get me wrong, gun builds are fun, but not if everyone is using the same build. I want to see XDefiant reward experimentation, trying new guns and not just sticking to the same ones over and over

That's really the only 3 I could think of at the present moment, so now I want to pass it to you guys. What would you like to see in the game, either while playing the game NOW or in the future of the game's lifespan? I'm curious to read your guys' opinons

Hey there! 24m here in Pennsylvania, just south of Philly. I’ve been feeling kinda lonely as of late and haven’t had much luck on dating apps so I thought I’d give this a try. I’m looking for a girl that I can fall in love with, preferably close by, though I’m fine with something long distance as long as we plan to close the distance some day! I’m definitely a hopeless romantic, I want someone I can laugh with, hangout as best friends, and support each other throughout our lives. I really want to find that forever girl to settle down with yk. Another thing is I really want kids someday, it’s a dream of mine to be a dad 😅 Though definitely not anytime soon! I will say, I can be a lil shy / anxious with meeting new people, so apologies if I’m a little slow to open up!
A few things about me: I’m 6’2” chubby with a dad bod, so if that’s not your thing no worries. I get some sort of physical l attraction is important. I am working on losing weight and have lost 50 lbs so far! I’m also a big nerd, my cat is named after LOTR and I play a lot of DnD. I love gaming! I’d love it if I could find someone who does as well! Some of my favorite games are Stardew Valley, Baldur’s Gate 3, and It Takes Too. Though I honestly will play mostly anything 😂 Lately I’ve been playing a bunch of FFXIV Online, LoL, and a few other games. I’m also big into live music, punk rock is my go to though I listen to mostly any genre. I don’t smoke, though I do drink socially, I like touring breweries / distilleries! I’m also a big eagles fan!
I’d love to chat and get to know each other, can swap a pic or two as well, and call on discord or something. I really hope to hear from you!

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Expected	Name	Publisher	Video Summary	Campaign Page
May 20	#bg Mythlords	Destiny Horizons, Inc.	Preview	KS PAGE
May 20	#bg Stupor Mundi	Quined Games	Preview	GF PAGE
May 21	#bg Rebirth: Limited Edition	Mighty Boards	Preview	KS PAGE
May 21	#bg Backpack Panda	Self-Published	Preview	KS PAGE
May 21	#e Village Pillage Big Box	Blue Beard Entertainment	Preview	KS PAGE
May 21	#bg Monster Mosh Pit	Steel Sun Studios	Preview	KS PAGE
May 21	#dg KUGO	Self-Published	Preview	KS PAGE
May 21	#bg Ironwood	Mindclash Games	Preview	GF PAGE
May 21	#bg How to Save a World	Burnt Island Games	Preview	KS PAGE
May 21	#e Thunderstone Quest Rise and Fall	AEG	Preview	KS PAGE
May 22	#bg Degenesis: Clan wars	CMON	Preview	GF PAGE
May 25	#p Maleficarum	Self-Published		GF PAGE
May 25	#bg Propuh	InterHuman Games	Preview	GF PAGE

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(New to the group) To give a little back story, this past winter my 5yo son showed interest in basketball, so we got him signed up for youth league. I got a call from the Athletic Director saying he was on the Blue Jays, his 1st game was in a week, and THEY DIDN'T HAVE A COACH. I knew NOTHING about basketball, but I stepped up since I enjoyed coaching youth flag football the season before this. My main focus was "Getting BIG" (on Defense) and spacing and finding the open man (on Offense). We had a very successful season going 8-1, and our only lost was by one shot. My #1 focus, at this age, is to teach fundamentals and have them fall in love with the game. Winning is a perk, of course, but not my main concern. I was curious what/where I can go from here? I have players returning from last season, so I don't want it to be EXACTLY THE SAME as last season, but I'd like my new players to learn what we went over last season. TIA. -Coach G

CADDY

Scaling: [Spons RT]() [Scott Wozniak RT]()

STRENGH

• Hangs himself out of spite for the Kinect (Kinect games)
• Uses a golf cart as a club (goofy funhouse)
• Throws his kid out of a window (crash 4 scene)
• Breaks a door (crash 4 scene)
• One shots Momo (haloween)
• Launches a Crash Bandicoot plushie through his roof, which then turns into a another crash plushie (crash merch)
• Pushes a transition screen away (?)
• Throws a phone, breaking it (bootleg)
• Throws a PS1 accessory across the world (ps1 accessories)
• Blows up an old phone (portable crash games)
• Breaks boxes with Crash Bandicoot (bandicoot month)
• Jumps to heaven (I'm bitter)

PUNCHING

• Punches the narrator hard enough to break a camera
• Punches Olly in the face
• Punches himself in the no-no's, causing agrippa to come out his mouth

DURABILITY

• Gets melted by the sun
• Survives in space
• Can survive without his head
• Survives after Spons rips through his chest
• Hammers a screwdriver into his ear
• As he is consistently in the Scott the Woz universe, to the point Caddy talks to him from the window of his house, Scott caused the universe to collapse which Caddy survived, since he's in the universe
• Gets flattened by the bricks
• Gets eaten by a crocodile
• Flies out the living room on a skateboard
• Falls off a roof
• Gets ran over
• Stabs himself, however he is hurt by this
• Goes inside toxic waste
• Covers himself in gasoline, and lights himself on fire off screen
• Fine after the sun spits a game at him
• Gets squished by Daddy Pig
• Impales himself with a sword
• Gets his eyes eaten
• Bleeds out his eyes
• Survives getting shot in the head
• Breaks his spine
• Gets inhaled by a Playstation
• Falls onto a couch hard enough to shake a room

GETTING SHOT

• Incapable of killing himself, blowing his his head off with a shotgun
• Fine after shooting himself in the cock
• Survives being shot in the head by a box of Rice Krispies
• Shoots himself in the head (skateboard)

TRANSMUTATION RESISTANCE

• Comes back after being turned into metal
• Gets tubacolosis and literally turns into a tuba.
• Gets turned into a youtooz vinyl figure

BLUNT FORCE ANG GETTING PUNCHED

• Takes a kick from Goku, however it's debatable if he's the actual one.
• Takes a hit from a giant hammer
• Knocked out by a baseball bat
• Gets punched by Big the Cat hard enough to swat away the entire screen

SPEED

• Surprises Scott the Woz
• Flies into a holiday inn, blowing it up
• Flies into space
• Dodges a sword swing
• Duplicates himself to catch a disc thrown by himself, in his mouth
• Runs fast enough to create after-images
• Turns into a rocket
• Takes a bouns round platform to America
• Jumpscares you (halloween)
• Dodges bullets from Spy Caddy

EXPLOSIONS

• Survives an explosion that kills Crash Bandicoot
• Survives this random explosion
• Gets nuked
• Survives a car being launched at him, creating an explosion
• Ok after his head blows up
• Gets his head blown off, launched onto a breakout paddle, then back onto his body
• Survives an explosion caused by a ps5 that fills a room
• Has a bunch of Crash Bandicoot merchandise fall from space, onto him
• Survives an unexpected explosion #ABILITIES
• Can turn a Cartridge into a PS1 game
• Kills a woman by mentioning the fifth element game
• Can use the force
• Can use the force lightning
• Can summon things by simply mentioning them
• Reverses pouring Pepsi in a cup
• Turns into the sun
• Toxic tunnels made him so toxic that people who came near him died
• Gives life to a teddy bear
• Can respawn at his house if he dies or gets KO'd
• Can stretch his neck
• whatever the duck this is (halloween special start)
• Can teleport
• Can multiply himself
• Can just say bad things to make them happen

TELEPORTATION

• Uses his "Bitch powers" to teleport
• Teleports to catch a game in his mouth

SIZE MANIPULATION

• Seemingly becomes this big (poster)
• Shrinks to a mini size to demonstrate a Crash TNT crate light

STUFF

• Pulls out a baseball bat, which he hits his cousin Mug with
• Has a lightsaber
• gun.
• A wand that's capable of blowing people up
• a mini TNT crate, which he throws at Olly
• Has a gun which evolves people
• Has robot feet, which he uses to kick his children
• Has a dragon (with no practical use whatsoever apart from flying, which he can already do.) (httyd segment)
• Bouns platform, which as mentioned before can go to places like america in seconds. For context, Caddy is in the UK
• Big thruster- A rocket that's shaped like a cock
• Oujia board
• Presumably wears groin guard
• Can be protected by his PS1 memory card, which catches him after he falls from a plane
• Ready access to nuclear weapons (eyetoy)
• A knife, which he uses to threaten Matt rose (eyetoy)

SLAUGHTERER

• Can remove memories
• Functions as a normal gun

INTELLIGENCE

• Could get away with treason
• Hacks into Brutalmoose's laptop
• Knows where you live. This not a joke. Hide. Now.
• Replaces his own spine
• Is a Spy in his spare time

OTHER

• [Salvages the computer screen](The creepy doll)
• [Freezes time, however he might not be immune](commercials)
• [Teleports to his couch in a flash of lightning, since he's wearing new clothes, this may be time travel](commercials)
• Used to have 540 thousand teeth.
• Interacts with his past self, presumably kills him off screen
• Drinks a game
• Flies through a chimney using balloons (UP game)
• Makes his eyes come off his face
• Can jump unreasonably high (bad ps4 store games)
• Creates fire using the coronation street game
• Removes the text from a magazine (psq magazines)
• Turns a cartridge into a disc
• Has eyes on the back of his head
• His mum stopped a freight train by frowning at it
• Can lay an egg containing Spons, however this can only happen once a month
• Turns into the "Jim Nebula"

WEAKNESSES

• Is shit at riding hoverboards
• Has chronic heart pain sometimes.
• Has a drinking problem
• Suicidal
• Needs pills so he doesn't murder you

Hi folks. I've been playing this game for years now and somehow only heard about the Life and Living channel giving skill points at the start and is based on the in game fluff of the start of the outbreak.
Quick question; if I start a new game and set the start date to say a month earlier, will there be an extra month's worth of Life and Living TV programs to watch or is it a set number of days of programs? As a bonus question, do zombies only start spawning after the specified start date of the outbreak (I suspect they still spawn from the start)?

My family always had so many pets when I was growing up, at one point when I was in elementary school we had 8 dogs and 5 cats. That was already a lot. I dealt with a lot of mental illness growing up and addictions to TV, internet, gaming, pornography, etc, didn't care about school, was groomed on the internet, and my parents just let me drop out of high school. From then my mom started really hoarding animals, rescuing cats by the litter over the years to the point where now I think she has 50 cats or so spread between the small cottage we live in and a larger trailer. She works overtime and uses all the rest of her time taking care of all of them as well as feeding other feral cats she can't catch. My dad lost his job and now spends his days in misery cleaning up and taking care of cats, and their marriage is the most toxic thing I've ever seen. My mother doesn't even call my father by his real name, she gave him an unrelated name she just calls him by.
All my life from age 12 to 20 the first thing I heard almost every single morning was them yelling and arguing. I've never seen them show each other love. They're just so toxic and abusive and codependent towards each other.
I've been in relationships where I could move out and live with my partners, but my issues usually end up ruining the relationship. I'm so emotionally stunted and filled with anxiety and insecurity about the future. I can't blame my parents or my living situation for all my problems but I felt unable to really get a good footing in the world for my entire life, or witness models for healthy relationships. Most of my partnerships were codependent and obsessive because I felt such a need to escape from my home life.
I got my high school diploma, drivers license, a car, and have been working entry level jobs for a few years but I know I need to figure out college or something for my future. But the only thing I can afford to do is live in this house and somehow build a future here. I used to have one cat that lived in my bedroom, then my mom got 4 more kittens and they've grown up while I was gone and living with my boyfriend for a year. I moved back here a few weeks ago.
Now what was my only sanctuary constantly needs to be cleaned up, things get knocked off my desk or dragged around, I have two litter boxes in my room, there's cat litter and fur everywhere, I need to listen to white noise to even fall asleep because there are 5 full grown cats getting their zoomies in the middle of the night and they all live exclusively in this bedroom. They defecate at night and because their litterbox is like 8 feet from my bed, I smell it and it wakes me up. (That also can't be healthy for me at all)
My parents and even my mother alone make enough money that we could have a nice middle class life. They could've afforded to send me to college, to have a bigger house, to have money in savings, to go on vacations. Instead, we live in a small one bathroom two bedroom house, my mom lives paycheck to paycheck because she spends thousands of dollars a month on cats.
I feel like I've always been the only one who worried constantly about the future. What happens when all the cats get old and start dying? What happens when the economy gets worse and we have nothing in savings? What if suddenly we can't afford to take care of all these cats? Is it really morally better to rescue cats from living outside so they can live in cramped spaces and not possibly get the attention they deserve as pets?
My mom is mentally ill and is delusional as hoarders are, she will not listen to reason. I think she could also qualify as legitimately insane. My dad is so depressive and ruminates and complains about the living situation/my mother constantly as if I don't already know all of it. Yet I can't help but feel betrayed by him, he's the one who stayed with her as things got worse and worse. He was an adult when all this was happening, I was just a teenager.
I know it might be entitled to expect my parents to just provide me things like a more comfortable/healthy home, college, etc. My mom helps with my car insurance and I do have a bed, a shower, and a roof over my head. I can't act like I have it as bad as people whose parents are legitimately abusive, extremely neglectful, or kick their kids out leaving them to fend for themselves. I'm grateful for my life, I know it could be way worse.
I just can't help but feel like it's such a waste. Some people have hard lives because it's the best they can manage or they were dealt a bad hand. It's harder to have sympathy for people that just make their lives hard for themselves. Maybe my mother being mentally ill and feeling the compulsion to make her entire life about hoarding animals IS really out of her control. But it was still her choice to drastically lower the quality of her own, her husband, and her son's lives. And she has absolutely no remorse or empathy for that.
But even outside of the ways I'd benefit directly from more emotional/financial support from them, I just wish they had better lives? To see parents who either love each other or get divorced so I can stop seeing them at their worst all the time. To have some models of financial responsibility/security that just...makes sense even from the perspective of self preservation. My parents never showed me nothing to look forward to in life besides obesity, addiction, pain, misery, toxic relationships, hoarding, irresponsibility, codependency and things never getting better.

Fall of the Dungeon Guardians is a grid based dungeon crawler developed by Mana Games. Released in 2015, Dungeon Guardians asks us, "What if World of Warcraft dungeons were really big? Like, REALLY big?"
We play as an unfortunate group of souls who have been tasked with guarding a prison. What was supposed to be a boring job to pay the bills is now a fight for our lives as nefarious forces begin their work.
DG is a blobber. You control a group of four characters that are perpetually stuck together (hence, blob) as you move about a grid based dungeon. Solve puzzles, murder goblins and dragons, get sweet phat lewtz and try not to stand in the fire too much.
The Good
The sheer amount of customization in how you play the game is pretty amazing for how small the team is. Between the in game options and the small but active community that knows how to mod the game you can customize it pretty easily. I disliked that bosses dropped the same loot as normal enemies and lo and behold you can configure how much they drop and the quality of it by editing a few lines in an .ini file.
I also appreciate that while the combat is real time, it doesn't require you to do the 'square dancing' that you see in games like Vaporium or Grimrock. You're expected to stay toe to toe. Combat is well balanced around this which is impressive. We've all played RPGs where by mid/end game nothing is a threat anymore but here everything even up to the last boss remains an acceptable challenge. That being said...
The Bad
Anybody remember playing World of WarCraft circa 2006 and how combat involved staring at your action bars waiting for cooldowns? Yeah. That's here. Fortunately you can queue up 6 attacks in a row (3 by default, but you can up it to 6 in options which I strongly recommend). Even still, most fights require constantly watching for buffs to fall off, timing your cooldowns, waiting for stacking abilities and keeping an eye on what the enemy is casting so that you can interrupt big power attacks.
I honestly can't remember what most bosses looked like because I was so focused on my action bars the entire fight. Even with active pause I was having flash backs to raiding in WoW and how my life was watching bars fill up and debuffs count down. Game needs a trigger warning for former raid healers.
The Ugly
Loot falls into that +more gooder cycle. No interesting choices to be made as each class has an obvious best stat to focus on and if the loot that drops doesn't have that particular stat it's garbage. Due to the random nature, you can end up never replacing some items leaving your character feeling underpowered.
Fortunately you can save scum loot. Loot is generated at time of death. If you're having bad luck getting an item, you can save right before an elite/boss dies and just reload until you get an actual upgrade.
Final Thoughts
The puzzles are fun to figure out, the dungeon layouts are well done and the various boss fights are interesting to figure out even if the combat does involve staring at action bars. Dungeon Guardian is another in the ever growing line of "If you like RPGs but aren't familiar with gridders, go play Grimrock 2, Bards Tale 4 and Operencia first. If you now like the genre, then this is an easy pickup."
Interesting Game Facts
The lead developer is super active on the Steam forums for his game. It's been 9 years and he's still answering questions daily. He's active on Reddit as well though he mostly makes Tennis simulation games these days. Turns out sim-Tennis is more profitable than building dungeon crawlers.
Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and experiences!
My other reviews on patient gaming

I don’t know where to start with this. There is so much and I’m pretty sure this is above reddits paygrade. I just don’t know where to turn too. I (38f) have been with my fiancé’ (38m) for almost 4 years now. I love him but I think I want out of the relationship. I can’t imagine being with someone else but I also cant imagine doing this for my entire life. There is so much to go over but I’m pretty sure at the end of this I am a huge double triple huge asshole for how I feel. I won’t make excuses. All I’ll say is that this has been happening long before we got to here. There is a lot of context but the first thing I guess I should address is that we both have chronic health issues. His is much more life threatening if not maintained but for the most part is healthy. He rarely gets sick but when he does it’s pretty bad. He has a rare form of anemia that is only treatable by lifelong steroid use or bone marrow transplant. I always keep up with his health and his hemoglobin levels are good but I don’t schedule his apps or attend all visits. He does all that. About a year and a half ago transplant talk was put on the table and he was vehemently against it. But after about a year he realized there wasn’t a choice his meds aren’t working anymore. I’ve always asked if hes in pain or struggling he makes it very clear he is fine and that he would tell me if he wasn’t. I am super aware of when things look off, or if he looks really pale. I always ask questions and when I do go to the doctors apps I pay attention.
I have an autoimmune disorder. It varies from being annoying as fucking hell to down right painful and I can’t walk. He has been less than sympathetic to just down right making fun of me. He’s told me I need to live in a bubble to you’re always sick, to what doesn’t hurt on you. Not much dude. Not much. To be clear I don’t whine, I don’t miss work unless is unavoidable, I went to work with Flu A, B and covid before I almost out right couldn’t set up. I’ve had full blown asthma attack on the bed and in-between breathes asked for him to get the nebulizer because I didn’t have a rescue inhaler anymore. My daughters cat laid on me because I was so sick and doing the treatment and while most cats love me, I’m not this cats favorite but even he was like mom needs me. He looked annoyed and thought I was being dramatic. It wasn’t until the doctor told me I was super mega sick that he relented. Im on immunosuppressants and I have two small school age kids who are walking petri dishes, I catch a lot. Its not for a lack of trying no too. One of the biggest I have a bad tendency to get yeast infections, its chronic and not entirely unavoidable. Sex is a huge factor in this and it’s a snow ball effect, it starts with a yeast infection that blooms in to a full on UTI then my lichen Sclerosis flares, and lots and lots of sex exacerbates these issues. He likes to bring up the first year we were together that we had a lot of sex but we didn’t live together and had to many days apart. I spent 100s of dollars on yeast meds and suppositories. I still ended up in urgent care for a UTI that caused a fever so high they were convinced I was septic. I wasn’t but I felt super awful. When we moved in together the sex things seem to bother him more. He had issues with all the things wrong and I tried to explain and give him things to read but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. We fought about it constantly. We had full blown arguments over sweatpants and sexy clothing. To when he actually told me unless I wore sexy panties sex didn’t matter to him. He apologizes after but I know that he meant what he said. I’ve never lied to him about any thing, I’m not an overly sexual person and not usually open about being attracted to someone but I have tried to meet him halfway. I knew my illness was causing a lot of problems so I tried so hard to be better. I had gained a lot of weight from steroid use so I went and got help to loose the weight, Ive lost like almost 80lbs. Ive gotten down to only one suppressant medication. But the skin issues still linger. I was told there wasn’t much I could do about it. I’ve gone to the doctor multiple times just for this issue. I’ve tried supplements and boric acid suppositories. Its helped but not enough to really notice. We just had to make changes to the way we have sex, we are still having it 2-3 times a week but we have to have days in-between and we have to minimize sperm contacting my skin. I was also diagnosed with seminal plasma hypersensitivity which is common with my skin disorders and it is an allergic reaction. But I have to put a huge wall up for spontaneous sex which is a huge bummer and he is 100% reliant on me being the one that’s spontaneous. Which he doesn’t think is fair. I understand all that but I’ve explained if sex hurt him or caused the issues I’ve had you’d understand why I have to do it this way. There have been times where I’ve had issues and had to abstain for sex or a week but It’s never been much longer than that and he’s constantly asking if its better or if we can do it. He rushes care and a lot of times I’m reinfected or I just never went away cause its never had time to heal. The only time he doesn’t press as bad is when I’m on my period and even then he makes comments about putting a towel down. He talks about sex constantly, asks for blow jobs when I can’t and insists on trying to lick me when I’m not in the mood. When someone has a yeast infection they aren’t thinking about anything going anywhere near this vag, they are uncomfortable and wished they could rip it off and throw it away. I have counted how many times hes brought up having sex in an hour and the most he’s done it is 23 times the least is 8. He can’t have a conversation with me without bringing it up. I could be talking about something completely different and he’ll go we doing it today? Completely off topic. ITs so much worse now that hes going to have to have transplant and has to go at the very least 30days with out sex. The first questions he asked whenever this was happening had nothing to do with will I live it’s been when can I have sex? He’s willing to risk my health and his health for it. I just can’t anymore. His main concern this entire time is don’t find someone else and don’t fuck anyone else. Not I love you and all of our kids, its’ been just about this and that he’s going to be ugly after the transplant. To which I could give a fuck about. I want to be clear I love him, I love having sex with him but this is just really hard to deal with. I’ve tried talking to him Ive tried expressing that this isn’t normal. He gets super defensive that why are you in a relationship for if you aren’t going to touch them and the entitlement to just grab at me has more than once sent me on edge. I’ve tried to explain it just devolves into fight where he just shuts down and says I just won’t fucking touch you period. Then spins it as I’m the one making a big deal. Its just sex.
These aren’t the only issues, we both have children from previous relationships my kids are much younger and hes jealous of the attention they get, hes so worried about me and him he doesn’t even pay attention to his own kids who are now teenagers. During this whole transplant talk hes made comments that he can’t wait to be alone and have a break from work and no kids around. His kids have heard him. All 4 are taking this super hard, he doesn’t care, he just says my kids are clingy and can’t do anything on their own. My kids are 7 and 5. I can go into more details but this would be so effing long if I did. And to be clear about this he has had these behaviors probably for the past 2 years way before we had the transplant conversations.
I know that I’m supposed to be one of his carers after the transplant. His mom will be primary as I am the main caregiver of my bio children and he will be located about 3 hours away. We were gone to testing this week and things were pretty fun we played and best friend game and for once no topics of sex came up. And it was like I got a glimpse of the person I fell in love with. But the next day it was right back to talking about sex every time he looked at me. When were seeing doctors, I had to excuse myself at one point because I realized if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t do this for me. If I lost any part of my beauty or ability to have sex this would be over. IT was so sobering and I was devastated. I tried talking to him when we got home and it caused a fight that we are still currently in. He says I’m not interested in sex every and he doesn’t try anymore cause Im never in the mood. Ive explained that constantly talking about it ruins it. Ive showed him time and time again if you just stop you get more from me. He doesn’t care. I don’t want to be his carer anymore. And I know that makes me a horrible person. Please excuse typos I am on voice text.

Hi there, U10 girls rec team here. I'm sure this situation must come up all the time: our 3 strongest players signed onto a select team and will probably miss a significant chunk of practices and games. We will definitely be a weaker team since we'll likely replace them with players completely new to playing soccer. I had to make a decision and drew a (gentle) line in the sand saying that you should be able to make most of our practices and games to continue with our team. I'm thinking about team chemistry, how the remaining kids might feel (resentful), how it would feel if the only games the team won were the ones the select kids dropped in on, etc. This of course has really angered the parents of the select kids. What do you think? What have you done in this situation?

Hey all! I’ve been away from the game for a while, and with 1.6 I want to start up yet another new farm. I want to get a little more flavor with the NPCs, some newer dialogue and events, maybe new charachters all together. I know the update has some changes, but I know the game so well I’m looking for more. Stardew Expanded just seemed a little overwhelming to me, can anyone recommend any mods that fall somewhere in between the current game and the vastness of Expanded? Thanks!

From your parents, down to friends, down to your spouse. I always have had a falling out with my friends, then they would come back in your life .. or your parents , one parent would need to get their shit together and leave you hanging. Being told they was the bad parent , only for them to later on assault you. Smile in their mug shot . Or your spouse . In our younger teenage years he would pick drugs , his friends over me . After a while he told me he was done playing games and he was serious about me . And he was serious for a while . Till he was texting another girl bc his friend died and his fiancé was trying to get him. (The friend that died had a fiancé and she was trying so hard to split us up.) his family and my family never even wanted us to be together . We had a child 5 years ago. Have a house now and are married . But it just hit me today after reminiscing on old times that I have never had a consistent person in my life besides my grandparents.. sorry it’s all over the place I am ranting. And I am sad. But this has helped me some … :(

Game(s) I am considering: Cyberpunk 2077 I'm not sure if the DLC is necessary up front or if it would be better just to buy the base game, see if it holds my interest and I play through it; then buy the DLC. But, if the DLC would require another entire playthrough I don't know I'f I;d do that. I haven't played through many single player games these past few decades
The game(s) interest me because: * It is currently on sale * is often recommended * The graphics look okay
My concerns about purchasing the game(s): - unsure if it will hold my interest
Games I've liked and why: ( list will update over time if I continue to post here) I am mainly working on this list now because it was the prompts for creating a thread. Arcade: * pac man * spy hunter * centipede * donkey kong * many more I don't recall at the moment, but have spent many days and quarters in the arcades of times past
Atari 2600 (My First console in the later 70's) * space invaders is the first(of many) game I pulled an allnighter playing in my pre-teens * many other games, frogger, pitfall, pong, defender, and many others I don't recall this minute
Other consoles in my teens and twenties. * metal gear solid * various Mario games * I'm sure there are many more, but I don't recall at the moment
PC * I think Wolfenstein was the first game I got on PC where I was like... Okay gameplay and graphics are getting good now. Even though games of the past were good when they were new - Star Wars Galaxies (RIP) I've played WoW for many years. I haven't played much these past few years, but I play a little when each expansion comes out. - rainbow six siege - SMITE - I haven't played lately, but I may get Ark 2 when and if it ever comes out. (base builders and survival craft are fun) not linear worlds, though
Recent purchases for playing/trying during the summer months, when I am just working and not taking any classes, as opposed to the fall and winter semesters, when I am taking a couple of classes each semester and working towards a degree. * Helldivers2 is okay, I like the short matches, and PvE with a group of randoms. But its already getting very repetitive and pointless at about 20 hours of play f * Elden Ring - just started playing * Baulders Gate 3 - played for a couple hours. this seems like a good one to play after work for an hour or so before going to bed. graphics are nice, gameplay is a tad slower than Im used to. But it reminds me of a visual version of playing D&D a few times back in the (probably)early 80's with a coupe of friends that lived nearby whos older brother was always the DM because he played frequently with better people than us * Sons of the Forest: This game is pretty fun. I enjoy the base building and crafting, and the occasional cannibal attacks are nice. But I kind of lost interest when I realized it was a story with an end. It would be nice to have something like this that may have expansions,DLC, etc. in the future to build on. * Chants of Sennaar: fun and relaxing to play for 20min while having coffee and breakfast before work. * Talos Principle II: bought this after realizing that puzzle games were a nice break to fill in gaps, study breaks, etc... maybe these types of games will be good when I am taking both classes and working. * Disco Elysium: recently bought on sale. I kind of like it, but the clicking movement and stuff to click on in each screen seem like it may get boring because there is no action other than that andstory options for the narrative. I'll give this one a little more time and will probably not refund it, but I don't see why its been hyped up so much. YET.... * Nightengale: I love the theme and graphics, but its empty and got boring after a couple hours. I'll keep this and hope the future will develop into something much better, but for now I don't really feel like playing. * Enshrouded: refunded for now. it seems kind of fun, base building and crafting. But I gave up after starting to build my first house/base. It just didn't have the staying power to playing continue * Planet Crafter DEMO: seems pretty fun to craft and build, but am unsure if I want to buy. May wait until its on sale for a big discount. * Dark Souls III: Havent played it yet, but have thought about trying one of these souls games for a long time and this was on sale for a huge discount recently.
Games I've disliked and why( I should have kept track of my steam refunds ): but here is a recent list * Deep Rock Galactic - I do not like it at all, crappy graphics and boring gameplay * Manor Loards - was developed by one person with some outsourcing. I'm not looking to play any modern games that are this low-budget. I refunded before I got past the 2-hour deadline because it seemed like it would lack any depth for continuous play. * Animal Well- just no, some of the graphics remind me of older games I have played, but it just seems boring after 20 minutes of play.

There have been just 13 NBA teams who have won the championship with less than a .634 regular season record. This is 52 wins in an 82 game season. 1 after 1980, which was the 1995 Rockets.
The Nuggets, Timberwolves and Celtics are the only teams remaining that clear that threshold
Celtics 64-18 (.780), Nuggets 57-25 (.695), Timberwolves 56-26 (.683), Mavericks 50-32 (.610), Knicks 50-32 (.610, Pacers 47-35 (.573)
The Pacers winning the NBA finals would tie them with the 1995 Rockets as the 3rd lowest regular season winning percentage of all time. The Mavericks and Knicks would be the 2nd lowest win percentage team since that Rockets team, and would fall just under the 2006 Heat and 1979 SuperSonics, who had a winning percentage of .634 at 52-30.

Had my Quest 3 a couple of months now and overall I'm incredibly impressed with what Meta have managed to get out of what is essentially mobile chip technology.
My previous VR headset was the Oculus CV1, so I have a library of Oculus games which I wanted to revisit via AirLink, and the very fact I can wirelessly beam these titles to my Quest 3 is just pure magic!
...But, why the hell is the experience so inconsistent?! Sometimes, the experience is truly flawless, to the point you feel like you're playing a native game, and other times, often just a few minutes later, it's stuttering all over the place, lagging, only rendering half the screen or producing very weird artefecfing across just one side of your vision... Of course, network quality is incredibly important, and I understand that and have done everything to mitigate potential network issues, but my specific frustration is that it's either absolutely perfect, or absolutely broken, and very often just a few minutes apart. I simply don't understand.
Also, another recent issue I've been having is that certain games (Arizona Sunshine 1 being a perfect example) will often "crash" the Quest 3 but only in the "background processes" - so, I'm unable to press the Meta Menu button to get back to the AirLink menu, and am forced to take the headset off and exit the game manually from my PC - then when putting the Quest 3 back on, it fails to recognise hand tracking or the controllers so I'm forced to restart the headset.
Sorry, this is more of a rant than anything - I feel like whilst everyone is talking about the future of VR and how headsets need to be smaller and lighter etc, I still feel like it's the software side that is ruining my enjoyment at the moment (although I appreciate I'm talking specifically about AirLink here). I know I should be grateful for the fact AirLink is even an option but I just wished it performed more consistently or at least gave some indication as to where/why it's struggling when it all starts to fall apart.
Is using the link cable a decent solution? I really don't want to be tethered, but if anyone can provide their experience on AirLink vs Link Cable, I'd appreciate it. Thanks.
TLDR: AirLink is sometimes flawless, sometimes terrible, often just minutes apart.

[Speaker 1]
How does it feel when you said om? The rajas just disappears. Believe me.
This om is such a beautiful sound. There is no place left for tamas. Rajas just disappears and you are in a beautiful state.
You are in no hurry. Nothing is going away. It is a beautiful tranquil state.
And it is this tranquil state which is sattva guna. A question is often asked as to why the Hindus have so many devatas. So, I need to be all wild up here.
Things won't function otherwise. Okay, so in jyotish, let's have a small recap on the jyotish. Why do we have 12 signs or do we have 13 signs?
Some people are recommending it. Yeah. The 12 full moons that occur in a year.
There are 12 full moons. Sometimes there are 13 full moons. No.
Okay. But generally there are 12 full moons. Correct.
Generally there are 12 full moons. That is why it is the full moon to full moon. The time period is roughly 29 point odd days.
That has been rounded off to 30 days. Right? How much is the time between one full moon to another full moon?
29.5. Right. 29.5 days is rounded off to 30 days. So, what are we talking about?
We are talking about days, about time. We are not talking about space. We are talking about time.
So, the time taken for the sun to move in those 30 days or 30 solar days is supposed to be one Rashi. And that has been equated to space. What is the average motion of the sun?
1 degree per day. Average motion. So, how do you equate the time to space?
You take 30 days multiplied by 1 degree per day. That is how you have 30 degrees for one sign. So, what is our original starting point?
It is time. So, time has been converted into space. Am I being understood?
Time, that is Kala, is converted to space. Now, we have a total circle of 360 degrees. It is simple mathematics.
And we have one sign or what we call one Rashi, one weight. And the word Rashi means one weight, one measure. Rashi is a measure, a weight.
We have that weight of 30 degrees. And we arrived at 30 degrees by 30 days motion of the sun. So, 360 divided by 30 gave us 12 Rashi, 12 measures.
12 steps. If one step is 30 degrees, you know, one step is 30 degrees, the sun can take 12 steps. The sun takes 12 steps to go around.
12 Rashi. Rashi is a measure. Rashi is not a sign.
The word sign means symbol. Rashi is not sign. Rashi is measure.
I can clarify that first concept now. The zodiac signs is translated as Rashi. It is wrong.
Rashi is a measure. So, I thought this small recap in Jyotish would be good because I want to be very clear with you about our basics before we proceed further. Now, that we have 12 Rashi, the question was we needed variables to define life.
Life has to be defined because it is life that is important. We are studying life. We are not studying some stars in the sky.
We are not studying those planets in the sky. We are studying life on earth. Jyotish is a study of life on earth.
It is not a study of the stars in the sky. Astrology is astro, is astral, the stars. Logy is the logic for that.
That is not what we are doing. We are studying Jyotisha, Jyoti, the light of God. And that light of God is there in the hearts of every human being.
It is there in the heart of every animal. It is there in the tree of every living creature. That light of God is in a stone.
We are looking for that light. We are not looking at the stars. That is not Jyotish.
It is a very fundamental difference. Where are we looking? We are using that information to help us.
But that information is not the objective. The objective is the life here on earth. In this planet.
In this life which is full of darkness. We are looking for that spark of light. That is Jyotisha.
The translation of Jyotisha as Vedic and Astrology is totally and completely wrong. Firstly, it is not Vedic. It is a Vedanga.
Secondly, it is not Astrology. Astrology is a part of it. But it is not Astrology in all.
You see my point? This hand is a part of Sanjay. You can say this hand is Sanjay.
But this hand alone cannot define Sanjay. So we were waiting for Sarvani to come and light the lamp. She has come.
One western, you will be surprised. There is one person in the west who did it. Who made a very serious attempt.
He called it the light of life. One person did it. And I admire him for that.
He tried. It is a light. Without that light, there is no Jyotish.
This is crucial for us. So he translated it as the light of life. The life on this planet.
So his translation was very good. It consists of three parts. One is Ganita.
One is Hora Shastra. And one is Samhita. If we say Vedic Astrology, we are kicking Samhita out.
Ganita is having no place at all. I mean it is only Ganita, some little parts of Ganita. Some portion of Hora Shastra.
Not even the full portion of Hora Shastra. Am I clear on what I am saying? Vedic Astrology is only Ganita and some Hora Shastra.
Samhita is totally kicked out. Because when we say Pallipatana or the falling of a lizard. What planet is that?
Is there any planet involved? One, you are walking. You saw a cat pass.
Some planet ran away, no? One cat passed in this direction. What was the time?
What was the color of the cat? What was this? What was that?
Which direction he ran? How big he was? All those things are important.
That whole science, we are throwing away. It is wrong. We are limiting our study.
You see my point? Vastu Shastra, we have thrown it away. Jyotisha includes Vastu Shastra.
Jyotisha includes Sakuna Shastra. Jyotisha includes Ved Mantra. Jyotisha includes Shiva Gyan.
You cannot just pick up Shiva and throw him away and say I am a Jyotisha. You cannot do that. You have to try to understand Shiva.
So you see, Jyotisha is a very huge ocean. We are throwing it away because we don't want to work hard. We have become lazy.
By nature, that is the nature of man. And more it will increase as time passes, as the human life becomes smaller and smaller and smaller. We will have to throw away more and more, more and more.
Why? Because we think that this one lifetime will go away and I will not learn. We think that this one lifetime is all that we live.
Beyond this we will not live anymore. That this knowledge will be destroyed when we die. Knowledge is not destroyed when you die.
Knowledge is retained in the Atma. Atma retains knowledge in the form of Dharma. When that knowledge is retained in the Atma, how can it be destroyed?
Remember, there is a beautiful saying my Gurudev used to say. Everything in this world can be taken away from you. You will lose everything that you have.
One day or the other, everything, a shirt, brother, father, mother, sister, everything will go away. Only one thing will stay with you. The knowledge that you have.
Even after you die, nobody can take that, nobody can steal that, nobody can deprive you of that. It is the only thing that will stay with you. And when you know that that is the only thing that will stay with you, why are you foolishly running after other things?
Why are you not pursuing your mind on this knowledge? It is a very beautiful thing. When you think about it, it is a very beautiful thing.
That it is this Vidya, this knowledge and all that will be retained by us. So, we must work hard to increase the knowledge content within our Atma. To remove that ignorance, the covering of ignorance, those layers of dirt.
It is like a murti, you know, the Atma is like a murti, full of dirt on top. Clean it. Please give up.
Subhad jantam jagannathayate namah. Om. So, we will continue with this for some more time.
Till the others come, I will give them another 10 minutes, till I start my Jyotish. Recap on Jyotish is what we are having. I will just remind you again.
So, we are now clear about the 12 signs. Life. When I see a human being, or I see an animal, or I see a tree, how do I define the object?
What are the things that I need to define the object? Forget those grahas. They don't matter.
If we need them, we will take them. Firstly, there is a physical body that has to be divided. Then the first thing, a form.
Everything that is materially created must have a form. And that form comes because of prithvitatva. It is prithvitatva, or the solid element, that defines the form.
Right? The second is that which causes sustenance. What sustains?
It is that which carries the food. The carrier of food or the sustainer is in a form which is fluid. Because he is changing, yet he has to communicate with the solid.
And that is the liquid. That is the jada tattva. Right?
So, first there is a solid. And this solid defines the form. This form has to be replenished.
Like you know your hair is falling. Your hair grows. You cut your hair.
Again it grows. How come the hair is growing? Somebody is giving him food to grow.
The food that is coming for the hair to grow is jada tattva. It is coming from jada tattva. The giver of food is jada tattva.
It is the sustainer. Then comes that which has to cleanse. When you cut your hair, you throw it away, right?
Something has to cleanse it. Something has to remove the dirty one, the old one, the dead one. All the time.
So, constantly there is creation. Constantly there is sustenance. And constantly there is destruction.
Within your body, cells are being created, cells are being sustained, cells are being destroyed. Constantly this process is going on. The destruction or the dissolution is taking place because of vayu tattva.
Okay? So, we have three tattvas. The prithvi tattva, the jala tattva and the vayu tattva which are creating or defining the form, sustaining the form and destroying the form.
Am I right? Then, there must be one which is the result of sustenance. The purpose of sustenance.
Why are you sustaining something? For what reason he is there? He has to do some karma.
He has to do some action. Even the sea, when you stand next to a sea, you will see the sea is coming in, going out, coming in, going out. Have you seen that?
How the sea dances on the shore? The waves are coming in and the waves are going out as if the sea is doing a mantra. Constantly the samudra is doing a mantra.
You see my point? So, the purpose, the action, something is animating it. Even a sea which is dead is getting animated.
That animation or the movement comes from energy and that is agni tattva. Okay? So, we have four tattvas and there must be one that coordinates all the effort, keeps them all together, ensures that there is perfect friendship and harmony between them, there is great love between all of them, that they work together for a common purpose of existence so that the life continues.
He ensures that life continues. Something is keeping all of them together. Some kind of a magnetic force you may call it, which is binding them, some kind of a glue.
That is akash tattva. What was that? Could somebody take a look at what's happening?
Sounds like a smoke alarm, doesn't it?
[Speaker 2]
So, that is akash tattva.
[Speaker 1]
So, we have five tattvas that we need. The five primary tattvas will define the entire life. The living object is defined by the five tattvas.
A dead object is also like the sea. I was just now talking about the sea and the animation of the sea. Even that is also defined by five tattvas.
Right? After that, what is the next thing? We have the entire creation that runs on the basis of light.
The whole game is like a movie, you know. What is movie all about? It's light.
Different colors of light, different play of light, different images. All images are nothing but light. Pure light, the reflected light and darkness.
Darkness is also part of light. If there is no shadow, you will not appreciate the light. It is all a game.
It's a beautiful drama. This drama is being played by four factors. The sun and the moon and the lunar nodes, Rahu and Ketu.
Because the entire light on earth comes from the sun. In the night, we have light from the moon. And then there are the stages which we call stages without light and stages of intense light.
Which we call the Rahu and the Ketu. So these define Jyotish. The pancha tattva, the luminaries and the givers of light.
For the pancha tattva, we need five grahas only. We don't need more than that. Because there are five variables.
You can use any other variable. If you think there is a better variable than the grahas, you can use that. The five grahas starting from Mercury to Saturn in that order of the five closest to the sun are the ones that we need.
We don't need more than that. So that is our definition of Jyotish. The nava grahas consisting of the pancha tattva, the tattva grahas, there are five tattva grahas and the sun, moon, Rahu, Ketu.
So there are two groups. One group is the pancha tattva grahas and one is sun, moon, Rahu, Ketu.
[Speaker 2]
Can you repeat that order starting from Mercury?
[Speaker 1]
Prithvi tattva, Jala tattva, Prithvi tattva, Mercury. It is very important to understand this. Prithvi tattva, Mercury, the solid form.
Then Jala tattva, Venus, Shukra, then Vayu tattva, Saturn, then Agni tattva, Mars, and then Akash, the one who is making this whole world run around and forcing them to stay together and work together. The definition of God. God is good.
Otherwise he is not God. Right? So that is Jupiter.
The pancha tattva. And after these pancha tattvas, we have the sun, the moon, and Rahu and Ketu. So two groups.
Clear? This is our definition of Jupiter. So now after, since you are all here, as I told you I will make the announcement again.
Sarbani will need more time to complete her part of the paper. And so she will be taking the paper tomorrow after Swi's paper. So you will get a treat as she is handling Diksha initiations which is a tough job.
Very tough job. And Diksha is tough, alright. But seeing Diksha through Jyotish is even more tough.
What is Diksha, types of Diksha, lot of stuff she will be doing. Today I will be troubling you throughout the day. By the time I should be done, your brain should be completely fried.
So, I will be starting today with Graha Devata.

Hi there, this will be a bit long. I appreciate you reading it all lol :)
I’m only looking for women
What I’m Looking For:
I’m looking for someone to make a connection with, and hopefully become something serious and last forever :) I want someone I can give all of me to and share my life with. I can talk to you about anything, and just fully be myself with and don’t have to hold anything back. Someone I can share my deepest thoughts with, and most unhinged parts XD. And they also share with me all of them. I’ve always dreamed of being fully known and understood by someone. Someone loving me for all of me, and loving someone for all of them. I have a world of love to give and want someone I can shower in it. I’m a hopeless romantic, after everything I’ve been through I still choose to believe true love is real and I’ll have it one day.
I want something that will truly last forever through anything. “Ride or die” is such a cringe term to me lol, but that’s what I’m really looking for. I have an unshakable loyalty when I’m committed to someone. My love is almost unconditional when I’m locked in.
Only message if you’re sure looking for something serious.
Do not message me if you ever ghost people If you’re not feeling it I would appreciate you telling me.
A little bit about me.
I’m a INTJ 5w4, and personality wise, I’m like 2 different people lol. Emotional and logical. I can be really sweet and wholesome. Supportive, the kind of person that will always be there for you. I’m also extremely affectionate both physically and with words. I’ll always talk about how much you mean to me :) But I also can be a quite overly logical jerk lol. Best of both worlds I guess. When I’m comfortable I can be really goofy and loud, and give crackhead energy, but in the beginning I’m really quiet and reserved. I try to be positive and nonjudgmental, while also being very strongly opinionated XD.
I also can be pretty dark. I have a good mixture of being wholesome and dark lol. It’s weird
I’m a contradiction but I love that about myself. You shouldn’t message me if you’re easily scared away, I am a pretty eccentric person generally lol I can ramble about weird/random stuff, and be pretty extra sometimes. I can talk in a kind of unfiltered way. I don’t want to have to hold those things back lmao.
Important tidbits. * I have a fear of abandonment and anxious attachment style. * I am obsessive and clingy when I fall for someone. (Not in a crazy way) lol * I am left leaning on most things. * Strictly Monogamous * Agnostic atheist. * I have BPD, we can talk about what that entails * In college for accounting * I have a pretty dark humor XD
Looks wise: I’m black, 5’2, very masc presenting, I have a short haircut and dress masc. I am def plus size, but definitely not like huge lol and currently losing weight as well :)
Interests: Gaming, true crime docs, horrothriller movies, I love all kinds of music. Particularly R&B, rock/metal, and Kpop though XD. I watch a lot of YouTube and tiktok. Working out/going to the gym, as I’ve recently started a new fitness journey. I’m kind of huge homebody tbh, wanting to get out more and have new experiences.
Who I’m Looking For:
Looks don’t matter much to me. You can be fem or masc.
Personality wise: I like a lot of different personalities. Some important traits though would be having emotional intelligence, Someone patient and caring. Also having a good logical side is very very important to me. As I said above I’m pretty affectionate and clingy so I’d match best with someone also like that lol. You can be introverted or extroverted. But too extroverted won’t be a match.
Age 22 to 40. I am from Chicago in the US, but I would love to talk to women from anywhere. I’m open to relocate anywhere gay mar riage is legal lol
Thank you for reading all of this. If you’re interested please message me a little about you. :)

I met Luna on a train two years ago. I’d just escaped from a toxic relationship, so romance was the last thing on my mind, but then she sat across from me in the carriage and asked about the book I was reading. She had a copy in her bag and wanted to know if it was any good.
I'd never felt such an instant, effortless connection with anybody before. I took a chance and asked her to dinner, and by the time the waiters cleared away our desserts, I already felt comfortable being vulnerable around her. So we went on a second date. And a third. And next thing I knew, we were planning our second anniversary.
In all that time she never gave off any 'creeper' vibes. Until a few months ago, when I stayed the night over at her place...
She'd gotten up early to use the bathroom. I grabbed her laptop off the side desk so I could catch up on some work e-mails, and the incognito tab was just sitting there. My first thought was: either she's having an affair or she's got a secret fetish.
What I found instead was a Google account with a photo album called ‘Michael’s EX’. In it, there were 427 photos of my former girlfriend turned psycho stalker, Sadie. This included shots of ‘Sadie the stalker’ with her family, screenshots of her passport—the works. On Facebook, Sadie's latest post said Moving to the Philippines, and since then she’d become a social media church mouse, so how did Luna keep her under surveillance? And how did you even get PERSONAL ID from a person halfway across the globe?
Down the hall, I heard the bathroom door swing open. Quickly I closed the laptop and pretended to be asleep until Luna planted a kiss on my lips. “Wakey wakey Bugs.”
I faked a stretch. “Morning Lola."
(At school, the other kids christened me ‘Bugs’ because of my cartoonishly large front teeth; I called Luna ‘Lola’ because of her blonde bangs and heart-shaped face.)
“How about we grab a fry for breakfast?” Her smile didn’t seem genuine, more like she was wearing a mask.
“Crap. I forgot I’m doing overtime today, I’ve gotta get to work.” With that, I shot out of there faster than a bullet train to Tokyo.
Because I didn’t wanna believe the worst about someone I cared so deeply about, I didn’t contact the police (not that anybody could’ve guessed what Luna was up to) and made excuses whenever she asked to meet, delaying the decision whether to end our relationship.
At night, I couldn’t sleep. Every time a hedge rustled outside, I’d run to the window and pull back the curtain only to discover a black cat skulking around the garden. I put this down to my previous relationship leaving me with a mountain of unresolved PTSD.
Sadie the stalker also seemed normal until we moved in together. After that she started picking fights if she caught me talking to another woman, even just distant relatives or childhood friends. The screaming matches went from weekly to nightly, only ever ending when I conceded to her every wish and gave her full access to my phone and social media accounts. I literally needed to grab my clothes into a bag and run away one night, and then I started hearing noises outside my new apartment. And although I never found any evidence, I was pretty sure she’d broken in at one point because the books on my side table were suddenly out of order one day. What hurt the most was Luna knew all this and still acted the way she did.
Right as I reached my lowest point, my close friend Gertrude called and said, “The universe is telling me you could use a sympathetic ear.”
I told her the universe didn’t know the half of it.
I’d met Gertrude—aka my surrogate mother—on a flight to London. Passing over Wales the aircraft hit heavy turbulence, and the grey-haired hippie in the seat next to mine squeezed my hand so tight that my fingers turned blue. After we levelled off, she apologized and said, “So what’s calling you to London?”
“A job.”
A few glasses of wine from the service trolley later, she blurted out, “You know your aura is strikingly similar to my husbands.”
“Uhh, thanks. Where is he now?”
“Oh, he burned to death in a house fire.”
Gertrude’s eyes started welling up. To take her mind off the subject, I said, “I lied earlier. I’m going to London because I fell in love with a Londoner.” I pulled up pictures of Sadie (back in her pre-stalker days) on my phone. “We met in Italy. She looked flustered trying to read a map book so I offered to help. Next thing I knew, we were planning a trip to this place called Orvieto.”
“Michael, I need to know how this story ends. Gimme your number.”
Since then, we’d met two or three times a year.
I laid the whole mess out over pizza. It was the first time since finding the Google account I didn’t feel hidden eyes crawling all over me.
Just as I wrapped up the story, over in the corner booth, a family burst into a chorus of happy birthday. A waiter appeared carrying a chocolate cake, capped by a giant candle that looked more like a flare. Gertrude tensed up.
“So what do you think about all this?” I asked.
She looked back at me and said, “It’s possible your reaction has been a touch on the dramatic side.”
“DRAMATIC??”
“Well consider things from Luna’s point of view. Your last relationship lasted for, what, three years? Maybe she felt threatened.”
“I don’t believe this.” I grabbed a cigarette from my pocket, but Gertrude snatched it away.
“You know how I feel about you poisoning your lungs, Michael.”
“Don’t you start. I got enough of that crap from Luna.”
Gertrude always encouraged me to work through my romantic problems. Ultimately, I decided her love of fairytale romances clouded her judgement and ghosted Luna instead. But I couldn’t escape her shadow. She always felt close. In fact, it got so bad that at a friend’s costume party several weeks later, my eyes kept compulsively scanning the crowd as if she was there in disguise, ready to pounce.
I stood off to the corner until, over the sea of heads, I spotted a beautiful stranger dressed as Jarlath the Goblin King. I took a shot of liquid courage and made a B-line towards her.
Halfway across the crowded room, beer splashed across the front of my Ziggy Stardust outfit.
“I am so sorry,” a female pirate said, patting me dry.
“Don’t worry about it.” Every time I tried circling her, she moved to cut me off.
“I am such a klutz. Why don’t you come into the kitchen so I can clean up this mess?”
I put my hands on her shoulders and steered her out of the way. “It’s fine. Trust me.”
Approaching Jarlath from behind, heart slamming against my chest, I said, “Well this is awkward. One of us is gonna have to change.”
Jennie had bright blue eyes and dimples impossible to miss. Ten minutes into our debate about David Bowie’s greatest album, I said, “You know Absolute Bowie are playing the Half Moon next week. I could take you?”
“Sorry. I’m going with my boyfriend,” she said with a sympathetic smile. From beside the buffet table, the pirate stared daggers in our direction.
“No worries,” I replied, despite the fact I was brimming with jealousy.
The next day, as I jogged off my hangover, a brown-haired lady cut across my path and we both went spinning to the ground.
“Flip, sorry.” I rushed to pull her up by the hands. “I’m like a bloody zombie lately.”
She did a doubletake. “Ziggy, right?”
There was no mistaking those eyes. “Jarlath?”
“Well, Jarlath or Jennie. Eithers fine.”
“Right. Well, sorry again. Enjoy Absolute Bowie.”
Before I could jog away, she said, “Hey, so that guy I was seeing? Turns out he’s a total prick.”
Jennie and I went for coffee. Coffee morphed into drinks. Drinks morphed into a steamy make-out session on my sofa.
But as she covered my neck in soft kisses, my stomach turned. It felt like cheating. So, I put the brakes on things and said, “I can’t do this. I’m really sorry. You’re amazing, but I just got out of a serious relationship…and…it’s just…”
“Hey, don’t worry about it.”
We agreed we’d let our connection blossom in its own time.
Jennie had a playful mystique to her. Within a handful of dates, we’d developed inside jokes and could tell what the other was thinking. But Luna’s imprint was hard to shake, to the extent I almost mixed up the two ladies’ names multiple times.
To detox, I suggested Jennie and I spend a romantic weekend in the Lake District, because after two days of hiking and kayaking my ex would no doubt be a spec in the rearview mirror.
Hours before we set off, however, Luna’s mom called. She wanted to meet and wouldn’t accept any excuses.
“Look, it’s obvious why I’m here,” she said, sitting across from me in Starbucks. “Ever since you and Luna broke up, she’s been acting…different.”
“Different? Different how?”
“I call but she hardly answers. I go over to her place but she’s never there. Now she’s telling me she needs to find herself. Says she’s moving to Australia.”
Her fingers tightened around her cup. “I need to know what happened between you two. And I don’t care if that paints anybody in a bad light. I’m just worried about my daughter is all.”
I told her about the Google account.
“Did you confront her about it?”
“Hell no. I ghosted that crazy bitc—” I cleared my throat. “I mean, I just…stopped seeing her.”
She started crying so loudly customers at nearby tables paused their conversations. I touched her forearm, promised I’d call if I remembered anything else, then set off for my romantic weekend.
But while Jennie and I enjoyed all that fresh air and pub food, a thought nagged at me. Luna adored London, so why move to Australia? It seemed so out of character. Back at our rented cottage, I was so fixated on the thought I needed a smoke, badly.
“What the hell is that?” Jennie demanded, as she stepped onto the front deck.
I glanced at my hands. “Uhh, a cigarette.”
“Michael! Don’t be sarcastic. You know how I feel about those things.”
“…Do I?”
“Uhh, well it’s the same as anybody else. Quit poisoning your lungs and put that thing out.”
“Alright alright, geeze. Sorry Luna.”
“That’s okay.”
A knot formed in my stomach as she went back inside. I’d called Jennie Luna by mistake. And she hadn’t noticed. In fact, her reaction to me smoking was identical to Luna’s—even the snappy way she said the ‘poison your lungs’ line.
I followed Jennie into the lounge, where she’d curled up on an armchair with a Colleen Hoover novel. She was hiding something. What else did she know about Luna? Maybe I could trick her into revealing some details…
From behind, I started massaging her shoulders. “Sorry for being rude before. I know what you said came from a place of love.”
“That’s okay.”
I waited until her eyes drooped shut, then said, “It really is perfect here, huh? Maybe we should stay forever.”
“Wouldn’t that be amazing?”
Her little groans of pleasure, the rhythm of her breathing, it all felt so familiar. I waited until the tension in her neck dissolved, then I pushed my lips against her ear and whispered, “So how about we take this into the bedroom…Lola.”
“Hmm. Sure thing Bugs.”
My hands froze. Jennie jumped up. “Uhh, that felt so good, why’d you stop?”
“What did you just say?”
“What did you just say?”
“I called you Lola,” I replied, my arms frozen in midair. “And you called me bugs.”
“Like the cartoon, right? I thought it’d be a cute nickname. Anyway, I’m tuckered out.” She forced a yawn. “Why don’t we get some sleep?”
As her hand laced with mine, an image of me waking up drugged and gagged and tied to the bedposts flashed before my eyes.
I said, “Sure. I just…need to use the bathroom first.”
The second the door shut behind me, I flew out of the house, climbed in my car, and sped away.
Within seconds my phone started blowing up with calls, followed by texts. Where are you going? Is everything okay?
No, I wanted to reply. I’m onto your sick little game. Whatever it is, I’m onto it.
Luna stalked my stalker, now Jennie somehow knew Luna and I’s nicknames. How? Did all women take turns drawing straws and whoever picked the short one needed to become my girlfriend?
I couldn’t go home. For all I knew, my exes would’ve been there burning effigies of me. I needed a safe place. Somewhere I could lie low until I got all this straightened out.
“Of course you can stay,” Gertrude said over the phone. “I’m out with some friends, but I’ll meet you later. If you hop the side gate there’s a spare key under the kissing gnomes out back.”
Gertrude lived in a detached house in Wembley. It took a bit of foraging to find the gnomes hidden beneath the weeds in the brown, patchy garden.
I needed to shoulder the door open. Inside, a mountain of letters and flyers had piled up on the welcome mat.
Down the hall, a huge archway connected the landing with a lounge, where a bar sat against the far wall, surrounded by upholstered sofas, a low table, and tie dye sheets strung over the filthy carpet. Everything had a real elegant vibe, despite the musty air.
I’d drained two glasses of whiskey before Gertrude arrived.
“Looks like you’ve had a rough evening.”
I said we could talk in the morning.
“Not a chance. You can’t take negative energy to bed. Come on, confession is good for the soul.”
She sat on the sofa and patted the empty seat next to her. So, with a weary sigh, I shared a tale of deranged exes.
“Crazy,” she said.
“I sure can pick ‘em, huh?”
“No, I mean you’re crazy.”
“What?”
“Think about it. What’s more likely: that your ex’s are secretly in collusion, or you’re being paranoid? Look how bloodshot your eyes are. When’s the last time you got a good night’s rest?”
She made a great point; teenagers on the street occasionally shouted ‘Bugs’ or ‘Thumper’ at me. Jennie might’ve come up with the nickname herself. I pinched the bridge of my nose, groaning.
“Look, sleep here tonight. Tomorrow we’ll brainstorm ways you can make it up to Jennie.”
I fumbled through my pockets for a cigarette.
“Really?” Gertrude said. “If you insist on poisoning your lungs, can you at least do it away from my home?”
“Well if I can’t smoke, I’m gonna need a refill.” I shook my empty glass.
On my way toward the bar, a wave of wooziness hit me. My first instinct was to blame it on the alcohol, but there was something else.
It was her reaction to the cigarette. My finger ran through the thick layer of dust along the bar’s countertop. Why was it like the place had been abandoned? Why did Gertrude always pressure me to stay with my psycho girlfriends? And how come she always reached out, as if on cue, whenever my relationships hit problems? It couldn’t be coincidence…
I poured two glasses of whiskey and carried them to the sofa. “So, you’re really against the whole smoking thing, huh?”
“Of course. It’s a filthy habit.”
“Yeah. Plus, there was that mess with your husband. House fire, right?”
“I’d rather not discuss it.”
“Sure, sure.” I ignited the lighter with a roll across my trouser leg.
Gertrude grabbed a cushion and hugged it. “What are you doing?”
“Alright, cut the crap. What the hell’s going on? Have you been sending your friends to date me?”
“What are you talking about?”
I wrestled the cushion from her and held the lighter beneath it. “I want an explanation right now or I’m torching this place.”
This was an empty threat. I wasn’t some pyromaniac—I just wanted answers. Inch by inch, I raised the flame. “Last chance. Why are the women in my life acting weird?”
Gertrude grabbed for the lighter. As I swatted her wrists away, we both got scorched, and for a moment her skin went wild with spasms, a sensation I can only compare to reaching inside a bucket of wet, writhing maggots. My gaze whipped between her face and her hands, which vibrated like plucked guitar strings.
Before I could scream, she yanked me up, clamped a cold, wrinkled palm across my mouth, and forced me against the wall. I thrashed around, unable to move. For a lady old enough to collect a pension, she was crazy strong.
She waited until I ran out of breath, then said, “Michael, please. I’m not going to hurt you. Open your heart and listen.”
What else could I do?
“You were right before. I have been keeping a secret from you. The truth is, I’ve been in love with you since we met. I’d never flown before. And you were so so sweet. You started talking about this other woman, but I knew our energies were perfect for each other. And it’s like I always say, love makes us do crazy things. You can’t begrudge me that can you?”
She looked as if she expected me to respond, so I shook my head.
“But I think we’ve reached a point where our connection is so deep we can be completely transparent with one another.” She took a slow, steady breath. “Michael, all your ex’s, Luna, Sadie, Jennie. They’ve all been…well, me.”
I stared at her, confused.
She sighed. “It’ll be easier if I just show you.”
Out of nowhere her hand wriggled again, then her face tightened, as though the skin was being stretched over the bone. Wrinkles smoothed out and colour bled into her grey hair, turning it brown, and within seconds I found myself face-to-face with Jennie. Even her vintage clothes morphed into a green blouse and white slacks.
“See?” she said in Jennie’s voice, her now blue eyes locked on mine.
I screamed into the soft flesh of her palm.
“Sssh, it’s okay. I’m not gonna hurt you. Watch.”
Her entire body jerked and twitched, the muscles spasming as she shifted from Jennie to Luna. “See? Think of these as costumes”—from Luna to Sadie—"the important thing is what’s underneath. And you’ve fallen in love with what’s underneath three times. Now I’m going to let go, but I need you to promise you won’t overreact. Understand?”
On the verge of a panic attack, I nodded furiously.
The second she pulled away I made a break for the exit. The thing posing as Sadie grabbed me and hurled me backwards against the wall.
Like a disappointed teacher, she put her hands on her hips. “I’ve been so patient with you, Michael. So very, very patient.”
She blocked off any hope of escape. I sidestepped around the outer edge of the room, towards the bar.
“All those years moulding you. Trying to grow you into the man I know you can be. I really thought we had it this time. For the record, I wanted to do this the easy way. But drastic times...”
I was so scared I slammed right into the cabinet and yelped. Glass bottles chattered together, and then something wet ran down the back of my shirt. It was whiskey, leaking from the overturned bottle onto the carpeted floor.
Speaking more to herself now, Gertrude said, “I’ll just have to keep you here until you love me as much as I love you. Of course, that means posing as you so nobody gets suspicious, but that’s no trouble. I’ll tell your dad you’re moving to Italy. You always loved Italy.”
Pose as me? She'd been killing my ex's and taking their place, I was just the latest in a long line. She’d keep me as a personal sugar baby if I didn’t escape, but how? She was impossibly strong, and the only thing that seemed to scare her was…
Snatching the bottle, I doused the remaining whiskey all over the carpet and furniture. As I flicked the lighter open, Sadie’s hands shot up.
“Bugs…darling…what are you doing?”
I took three slow, steady breaths. “Breaking up with you, you crazy bitch.”
I tossed the lighter forward. Within seconds flames sprung up all around us, spreading as far as the sofa. Sadie’s shoe caught fire, and as she stamped around, unintentionally fanning the blaze, her body writhed again, starting with the ankles. Fat boils climbed up every inch of exposed skin, milky white and with the consistency of frog spawn, like she’d had a killer allergic reaction to poison ivy.
She dropped to her knees, wailing like a wounded animal. This was my chance.
I made a break for the exit, giving the creature as wide a berth as possible. But as I got one foot planted in the hall something clamped tight around my ankles. My chin hit the floor, then I started sliding backwards.
I twisted onto my back. Where Sadie’s left arm should’ve been, a tentacle-like appendage stretched across the length of the room, a distance of over twenty feet. It reeled me toward her like a fish on a line. Whatever that thing was no longer looked human. It melted like an ice statue, with no bones or connective tissue inside, its lips nose and mouth becoming hideously elongated before dripping off in huge globs like melted candlewax. A fire alarm started wailing as the tentacle dragged me through the flames, scorching my arms and legs.
The loose mass of skin reached out and encased me like a mother bird sheltering its eggs.
“WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME?” all my ex’s voices screamed at once. Whichever direction I looked, silhouettes of faces rose and fell, as if trying to burst through. Parts of them dripped inside my mouth, disgustingly warm with a bitter taste worse than Vaseline.
I put everything into clawing my way out if there. What was left of the beast had the consistency of wet clay and came apart just as easily. I tore away chunks until there was a hole large enough to squeeze through. Then, I crawled along surrounded by black smoke.
At the far side of the room I risked a glance back and saw a bumpy, uneven hand reaching out of a puddle of ooze. Soon I was crawling over the bristly welcome mat, then fumbling for the door. All I remember after that are paramedics wrestling me into an ambulance…
A specialist officer came to see me at the hospital the next morning. They’d been unable to contact the homeowner, Gertrude Huyton, and through his line of questioning I could tell they hadn’t found her ‘remains’ inside the charred house. Like the wicked witch of the West, my stalker had melted. I told the officer she said I could stay the night, and that I probably started the fire by dropping a cigarette.
“In that case, we’ll keep trying to reach her.” He walked to the curtain surronding my bed and paused. “Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, her cat is missing.”
“Her...cat?”
“Yeah. The little black one. One of the firemen pulled it out of the wreckage. The poor thing had burns over its legs but it ran off before anybody could take it to the vet.”
I swallowed a gulp and thanked him for telling me.
And now I’m still sitting here listening while nurses rush back and forth, terrified any one of them might be Gertrude…

Gusto ko lang sana magkwento. Pagbigyan niyo na ako. Hahahaha
I'm single for six years. Naisip ko it's time to put myself out there. I created a Bumble account last April. Tapos may naka-match ako. Everything went great. Di siya yung usual type ko pero I enjoyed talking to her. We have an 8 year gap. Older ako. We clicked just talking for one night. Then, I impulsively deleted my account thinking it wasn't working for me as an old fashioned person. Days went by pero naiisip ko pa rin siya. So I looked for her. Found her IG account. She said she was impressed that I managed to find her. We continued talking there. I developed feelings for her as a marupok person. Said I like her because that's how I feel. She said she feels the same way and that she's attracted to me a lot, but she also said that we should not get ahead of ourselves since kakakilala lang to which I agreed. It was going swell. Madami kami napag-usapan sa first couple of days. Then dumalang na mga replies niya.
Last weekend we agreed to meet. It was my first time in six years to meet someone I'm interested to, so sobrang kabado ako di ko alam gagawin. I drove all the way from a nearby province to QC. Biglaang meetup lang yon tapos inuman yung setting. Di ako nakapagpractice ng sasabihin so siya nagbuhat ng usapan. I even liked her more nung nagkita na kami. Para na ako na-fa-fall. HAHAHAH sorry tanga. Pero napansin ko lang na she was using her phone most of the time. It's something I wouldn't do if I was with someone, but I totally understood na she's very busy and naisingit niya lang yung meetup namin na 1 hour. We had one beer each. She said din na naka-snooze mode daw Bumble account niya. I asked her if I was doing fine, and she said she would have left early if hindi niya raw gusto yung vibe so I guess I was doing good? Hindi talaga ako sanay sa ganito pero inisip ko na lang na siguro ganito na yung dating scene. We took photos sa photobooth as a remembrance. I honestly cherish it because I really really like her na. As soon as I went home, I messaged her saying I enjoyed her company and thanked her.
We continued talking sa IG the week after meeting up, although madalang pa rin siya magreply. She said she can't wait to see me again. So I had hopes na we still like each other. The only issue I see in our communication is yung replies ko matagal niya makita and mareply-an so nawawala yung momentum ng usapan. I usually reply in minutes. She replies in hours. Na-bring up niya na she feels bad na she should reciprocate the same energy na binigay ko whenever I say sweet things to her. She said na she kinda had to take a few steps back because she haven't gotten into terms as to what she wants exactly. She also said na I seem to be in it for the long run and she's not really sure if she is. Yung moment na yan bigla akong nahilo umikot paningin ko tapos may kirot akong naramdaman. Hahahaha. Na she gets easily overwhelmed daw. So I think yun yung reason kung bakit madalang siya magreply na. I tried to be cool about it and understand how she felt despite being shattered into pieces.
Her last chat to me was on Wednesday. I replied yesterday because I had to back up and think things through din since I was so deep in it. I really want this to work so I am being careful, but it seems I already messed it up. I cried almost every day kaka-overthink and pre-occupied sa work. I created another Bumble account hoping to get my mind off the situation (as suggested din ng friends ko), and then I found her again na active. I messaged her on IG today apologizing for replying so late and explained my thoughts. I also said na sana ma-remove yung awkwardness and sana gusto pa niya ako kausap.
Is it over na ba? Di na ba niya ako gusto? Ghosted na ba ako? Oo, gusto ko itanong sa kanya yan lahat pero di ganun kadali lalo na yung latest conversation namin was quite serious. Siguro masyado lang akong soft para sa ganito. Everything is so fast pala sa dating game ngayon. Kung nababasa niya ito: Hello, I hope you don't mind getting this off my chest. I like you a lot and you already know that.
P.S. sa mga magcocomment, please be kind po heheh masyado akong malambot.