(High Cranial Volume Pr and AE Hybrid Users ONLY)
I still can't get AE to perform well on my M2 Macbook Pro running Sonoma 14.0 and AE 24.3. 32 GBs RAM — so obviously that's going to be immediate the culprit, but I do suspect that I could do pretty much anything I wanted on this computer if I could just optimize it correctly. That's what this thread is about. I know there are a million threads like this one but hopefully we can dig up some new dirt. I haven't really written about Sonoma but what I've read seems to indicate a lot of people have had issues. I'm not an OS guy I get enough of a headache with the shit I care about. Not sure if downgrading is possible. Maybe I upgrade my RAM (whoops hee hee nvm forgot i was on an apple computer).
You can stop reading there, because the rest of this is schizo nonsense. I've sobered up and I can't say that any mother would accept a child this ugly. But I'm also getting giddy at the thought of crossposting to editors and seeing what the Avid Professionals Working On Big Serious Productions With Budgets That Totally Won't Disappear in the Next 20 Years have to tell me about making some dough in exchange for the sweet intoxication of art. I also did a better job of listing my issues in my follow up comment
**Intro Apology**
**I've bolded out the sections with the mostly important shit:** I would take extra care to avoid anything that's been italicized because it is some of the most craven text ever set to paper. As if! I can't even use metaphors anymore. Will the graphic designers starve without their paper (why is it always either minimalism or hyper realism? I like texture too but not everything has to be made out of everything, or not made out of anything at all! Nature Without Ecology.)
This is just me typing and never stopping. For some reason. Well, it's no mystery. I'm avoiding anything that even resembles productivity.
I've already wasted time just stream of concussing every intrusive thought, so why would I waste more time reformatting and trimming the fat? Bahahaha I hope you like lamb. If I put forward attention to giving you direct information that effectively communicates an idea, I might just achieve nirvana. Like if I hyperfixate when I'm shitposting, then I am just going to realize the World-Spirit in-itself trying to abide by the laws of rhetorics. Let me tell you, the laws of rhetoric certainly don't make you any less schizo. How do you think we got here?
But that's the future the fucking tech bros made. And it's fucking awesome. Can't wait to be animating using my Rule 34 Paper Texture Parallax Datamosh VFX by AEAnabolics via telekinesis (is there a plugin for that?!??!)
So no I'm not going to make this thread easily accessible or interpretable because I really want anyone possessing any degree of intelligence to stay the fuck away (there are even intelligent people amidst the industry leaders, I once even met a film producer who knew how to count through 12! In any case, if everyone under 30 could exit the room, us pedants, drop outs and philistines will congregate somewhere other than all and we'll be happy to update you later with a summary of our findings.
I do apologize for the wordvomit — I took my meds abt 30 mins before I had the brilliant idea to open up a silly little text box on reddit during my awesome Pomodoro break. I had to be off the ADHD goodies for a week for some sports stuff I was trying to do which needed my heart at optimal function. Why did my doc just let me hop back on the same dose? I am emaciated from all this heavy lifting with my fingers.
Please though, don't dismiss this as pathological ravings. I am not sick, just an Adobe Creative Suite subscriber (somehow, five years later, I'm still on the student discount paying 30 bucks!!! Haha!!! Sticking it to the man!!!! Suckers!!!! Almost as bad as pouring thousands into software you don't own and can be shut out of for trumped up fraud charges if one of the cretins working at Adobe manages to actually check the accounts submitting all those pesky support tickets. Wait....)
So ya it's pretty simple: I was sunning my balls and cheating on five different women *holistically though* before taking my L-Carnitine to maximize the effects of my meth (don't worry I don't smoke it!), when I decided, yes, this Friday, with deadlines looming in the evening, I will nuke my morning by typing. and just not stopping. It's like stim sex, but literally no one is cumming. Wait, literally it's like stim sex.
Okay stop. I want you all to save the horniness for pitching to the Rule 34 Clients — the last to adopt AI in favor of authentic art and animation (bahahahhahaha I seriously do think *This whole AI thing, or at least its acceleration, can be put squarely at the feet of Gooners. They're horny and no human can create what will quench their thirst! Such a tragic condition. Like craving art that can speak to your soul. Ugh. Can't wait for Mister Horse to drop the Anime Waifu presets*.)
*(speaking of Misters, watch Mr. Rush Rush Client — who just needed this edit NOW — not even watch the video until Sunday. That rat fuck: maybe I don't have a social life huh? Maybe I don't want another shitty "underground" (as if such a thing exists anymore) rave on a Friday and a Hinge date on a Saturday?
Maybe genuine connection is dead and all some of us can love is the labor we put into our products. Or the efforts we put into our shitposts. Certainly the products themselves are far beyond loving.
Mr. Rush Rush: your 9-5 is shit and you are shit for thinking you are not a piece of shit because you force everyone to meet your fake timelines. We no longer cultivate produce, nor ideas, we just materialize urgency so the boss can larp as the boss and we can pretend society needs us to keep rhythm. It is the Master who needs the Master's Injunction. I like want to change the world man not reproduce it. I am barren.
Just let me work on Saturday. Asshole. It would have saved all of us from this post which was, of course, provoked by pure, unmediated anxiety — and absolute boredom.
*Fuck paper textures! Fuck any lower thirds that use paper textures. Shit is garbage. The elementary school audience went off to war — it's the latest Roblox minigame. So we're not even impressing anyone any more)*
Instantly — upon the epiphany that I don't owe people shit, even if they throw money at me, my brain ditched all ideals of productivity and decided it was time to write a fucking treatise on my experiences trying to optimize AE. Please do not mock me. I am an idiot. It's not worth countering snark with snark —because I can't even read. I am literally dictating this post to my iPhone and then having chatgpt re-write it. Also, I really hope some GPT or AI research tool digs up this thread. I'm sure they will wire only the relevant information to Mr. Prompter! He deserves the best. In fact he's the only one who deserves anything.
*If I was a GPT prompt I would be posing as a weird hermit who thinks he is the postmodern reincarnation of Plato. WELCOME to the republic ... of stupid — ruled under the auspices of the Kingdoms of Adobia, Resolve-ru, and Avidia (btw can we do what we did to Twitter to Avid? I just don't think it's a cool name. I'm not Avid anytime I have to use Avid. It doesn't have neurolink compatability and I can't do a million things very shitily. It just does like one thing very well. Who would ever ask for that?!?!?1*
For some reason I decided to pump up the snark to the max on this post — I hope that's okay. Maybe I want to write novels, not make videos. In any case, I promise you I'm not AI writing this. Unless ....
But at the end of the day I'm just trying to entertain myself instead of getting real work done — which I can't imagine is something a community of useless creatives would have trouble understanding. You couldn't do math good, and that's because you're lazy!!!
(Dan Ebberts if you're here I am sorry Father: but you are not a useless sack of shit motion designer, you're not making lower thirds for the Nelk Bros? You are the fucking Grand Wizard Abstract Quantum Mathematician my guy, the highest expression of the Enlightenment rationale, not a useless 2.5d animator — though I do secretly harbor a belief that all numbers are racist and you, as the Prophet of Numbers where they don't belong (computers) have a lot of reckoning to do. Guilt erotics won't get you out of this one — we don't want sorry we want solidarity!
**I'm half shitposting and half offering my own insight in exchange for yours.** I hope you don't read malice in my words. In any case I don't think myself a victim and I will be fine. Our world is about to turn nonsensical. The division of labor will collapse. Those who are both just intelligent enough to do dumb shit and lacking in morals will take everyone else's jobs. Technocracy of the morons! Somebody invite France too.
What's your intricate knowledge of a cavernous software versus my ability to write out prompts at 130 WPM? Basically, where you used to be able to get ahead with creative ingenuity you can now get ahead by typing fast. Good riddance lol. But if only we could get this piece of shit software to do everything I want it to do with not even a smidge of an attempt to optimize, pre-render, under smart principles?
But I'm hoping maybe we can have some conversations about the best practices to get this piece of shit software to work consistently. AE is so cool 90% of the time but it's like a girlfriend that's loyal to you 90% of the time. Now I'm not suggesting Adobe is cuckolding the VFX wannabes among us.^1 But I do want to say that there's a problem when your most random software that kind of just somehow works if you need how to cast a few voodoo spells and play around with different effects is literally un-professionizable. You can do amazing things in After Effects on just 16 GB of RAM (even 8 if you're willing to walk away from your computer for a fortnight for a few renders), which was so cool when I was getting started on the shitcans they hand out in college (I sound spoiled but you didn't spend the first year of your professional career on an outdated Mac Air desperately refreshing Google News for a stimulus check as literally everyone is jobless whilst you never even got a job to be jobless from. Like come on guys, if you got started in the 90s at least you have analog nostalgia and to anyone born after 95 you look like a wizard talking about chemicals and film crystals and shit. A Covid alumnus like me who graduated in 2019 doesn't get shit, and 2020 graduates didn't even get to bask in the delusion that they were ever the center of the world. I just pray UBI is installed before the robots take our land and our animals, because truly the new generation of digital creatives is going to feature some of the dumbest people to ever rank through society. Which is true in any era, but what's unique about ours is that young people are no longer angry, just cynical like they were in the 70s. Another round of hypernormalization.
**My Problem(s)
I need the experts here to just assume that I don't want to do things the right way. Every single person who has ever posted a query to Reddit, complex or one Google Search away, every single on of us cursed posters imagines that someone will waltz into their thread and provide an unheard of fix. Jesus take the wheel! I will provide more information on my specific issues, maybe even some idiosyncratic fixes I have found (Thank you Klutz GPT! But fuck you also.) but only if you show you're not going to snarkpost. Until then I will leave you to wade through the coagulated shit stew that is this post.
This is basically the situation with the people becoming editors and motion designers. Thanks Youtube. Thanks Twitch. You ruined Cinema more than capeshit did. Special shout out to the editors in the Philippines running their Macs through literal fruits Just as Mr. Jobs intended. (Don't worry, I'm from a country that is actually dogshit, the Philipines is beautiful and extraordinarily culturally rich)
The Jungle people here to take our jobs! Why aren't we worried about them like we are AI? They can do literally any job. And they can do it poorly. Literally exactly like AI, but no one getting their underwear in a twist when they're browsing the World section on Upwrok.
Don't get me started on what the Ruskiys are doing. You've seen Russian social media, but do you understand what Russian creatives are doing? Absolutely nothing, because Russian creatives don't exist. At best they can reform and reclaim their Orthodoxy in Siberia before coming back to St. Petersburg and writing some of the greatest novels known to man (which some of the absolute most dogshit interpretations and translations ever produced of any Western texts that are even close to the Canon)
Anyway, people like me are going to be around more and more. It's me you're going to be responding "CC Marvel Effect huahua" while the Gen Alpha nicotine tweaker blows clouds into your PC's air vents. Cloud bitch! You're fucked, because the anxiety from vaping makes him lazy as fuck. We are going to starve all because these fuckers got into too much of a dopamine deficit huffing shit with 5x the nicotine of cigs. If you think we're gonna take your jobs now, just wait until I grow my third arm. I will take your job. And when I grow my third cock, I will take your wife.
**I am a "creative director", that's how I market myself at least. I work in a lot of industries, make a shit ton of ads, but I think of myself primarily as a (documentary) filmmaker and editor (at this point it may be a formality and nostalgia because people just want reels and I like money).
I began packaging documentary projects with commercial packages, so the idea has been to first tell someone I'll make a doc for them, but along the way I can use the extra edits and unused interviews or just any of the millions of unused bits of a documentary/reality project and recycle it into ads.** You wouldn't believe how well this works on someone with a little bit of ego and a little bit of money. Netflix really convinced the chuds that their life is like a documentary lol. It's okay, not everyone can monetize their passion, or have it ripped out of their hands to transform itself from quasi art (or something challenging art) to a glorified mouthpiece for mediocre wannabes and has-beens. Bring back the Birth of the Nation or that movie about the Nazi architecture, Will, Will, what was it called? Anyway, I really thought I was going to make shit about dictators or like some genuinely awful people. Instead I got all of the delusion and none of the murder, just a bunch of whining about Instagram follower counts and the "blacklist" (I really wish they'd post a sign up, because I don't want to be seen. For real.)**
** I won't claim expertise as a motion designer. And for the sake of all that is holy you can and should call me a highfalutin dilettante with talent to produce nothing except derivative drivel (I mean, I I told you I worked in documentary right?). **
**But please, please, just assume that I may just not *want* to do things the right way.** ^@
**I know I should label and rename my files. But we're way beyond that, I have become one with Solid 1, to Solid 1 + N. I am going to get last in my comps and no I'm not going to Shy anything because I am an ALPHA! (Seriously though if you are a talentless unorganized adhd piece of shit editor and wannabe filmmaker like me, there's a plugin called Declutter which will automatically sort your project: it offers decent customization that could be helpful if you are just torpedoing a bunch of Linked Comps into AE like we're in the Pacific Theater. But with this magic hack, all those dismembered and charred bits of corpse gets insta sorted into the proper bin! And now your project panel doesn't look like shit and you can screen record while you troubleshoot some issues with an Adobe representative without feeling embarrassed. (maybe if he see it, we can get some sorting function that automatically puts comps in a specific folder (or files of any type into a pre-ordained folder, either in Pr or Ae would be cool. It's not like there are a million plugins that do the exact same shit. I'd rather anime ai waifu available at the click of a button though. What will the Gooners' do if we ever dare stop production?!?1
**Every problem I have had could be improved or entirely eliminated with a proper workflow solution. I am like really painfully aware of that. **
**I have shat blood figuring out how to make Pr Pro work consistently. That's my main app yo. I've genuinly poured hours into unlearning and relearning how to do things. I hope I can like put together an advanced guide some day. But like what's the point if the client who thinks he wants an editor actually wants to see his name and his logo animated in 10 different ways? And you know, I used to be content to produce that auto shit. But the more I animate, the more keyframes I ease (if you tell me you can ease in Pr I am going to smack the shit out of you unless it's to reccomend this
Frankly, AE is such a shitshow. It's old as fuck in a way that none of the other major apps are. Like Photoshop feels stuck in the 90s in the same way but at least its code isn't fucked beyond belief and it's relatively easy to diagnose problems (maybe you need to put more thought into performance for something that generates 24 images a second, but who knows? Not Adobe. Btw, wtf is up with caches in PS? Why are they so fucking greedy for all my data. Fuck you I want space and to have you open in the background. Seriously PS is old and I feel like no one points it out because you can just use Illustrator but fuck that I can't draw mfer)**
**I am going to be spending the next three weeks making animations for about 50 reels, to pair with some other branding deliverables for Youtube and the client's website. It's a huge project and one that I scored by advertising a diverse skill set (I apologize to the specialists but we're all going to have to adjust to foreigners in our lands — if you're American this should sound like a founding ideal more than a problem).
Or so I get the job done: don't get me wrong I cringe when people come in here and ask about making AE faster and it's clear they know nothing and didn't even bother to Google. I have Googled and spent a lot of frustrating hours trying to make shit work that just didn't work.**
Ultimately, if I don't slap on effects until I have the bulk of my animation rendered, and avoid working in 3d for no reason and tread carefully when I do, then I should be good.
But I love the 3D camera. As a filmmaker it's probably my favorite tool in AE because there's actually somewhat transferable skills or a demand for vision (and when Pr's shitty AI takes off and filmmaking becomes glorified prompt writing everyone is going to stop asking for real cameras anyway so might as well accept my fate right now and bin my C70 next to all of the piece of shit analog cameras no one uses anymore and just buy as many 3d camera plugins and softwares as I can, right? Right?! Hello Cinema 4D 8) ). Parallax is fucking awesome bro. I want to receive joy when I work, so ya I'll throw on deep glow and SS3. Am I a terrible person? Probably. I just want you to know, before you offer me solutions, that I want to have my cake and eat it too and frankly I am going to give you snark if you solve one problem but create another.
(for some reason) continued in the comments. Tbh the comment is more useful than this post. I'm just having a bad day guys and retreating into words to escape my problems.

"Alpha Kappa Omega; Ang simula at wakas ay kapatiran"
To the naked eye and perception of the viewer, this film entails the life of a collegiate accepting the challenge of becoming a fratman along with going through the rigors of a frat’s initiation.
It is only different when the viewer is someone who posseses an open mind. It details how a totalitarianism rule takes place, even in a small scale organization such as a fraternity. The neophytes are tasked to follow orders without second thought and without asking why. Blind subordination is the concept they are to apply.
During the phases of their initiation, the neophytes are subject to extreme hazing, and actions that deprive them of dignity as human beings, ungguyan and gulpihan as it is called in the film. As stated by their master,
Walang ungguyan o gulpihan na hindi napaguusapan.
Meaning that it is justified within the fraternity. As the strong-willed neophytes proceed on their journey, they are tested.
Their first taste of ungguyan was to streak the city only in their underwear.
Pacoy, a virgin, is coerced to have sex. And to also have his food played with by his masters, and being confided that he was being recorded while doing the act when it fact it shouldn’t be beknownst to him.
When Ronnie decided to quit, he was subject to electrical torture and a beating session from his father, one of the founders of AKO, with a nonsense True or False quiz bee with the right answers making absolutely no sense (but they were funny, I won’t lie)
Though this one part of the scene truly brought out Mike de Leon’s genius:
Ang Martial Law ay nakabuti sa taong bayan. Tama o Mali?
Ronnie’s lack of response is widely subject to interpretation.
Sid Lucero takes on the role of being the batch’s de facto leader. He was mentioned as someone who thought and acted like a master. He never questioned anything his whole time as a neophyte, this always brought out arguments in the batch. Even at times supporting/enabling the wrongdoings of the masters.
Another highlight is the use of Nazi symbolism at their talent show, Upakan ’81. The brawl scene where ΑΚΩ fights ΣΟΣ at the backstage where AKO was crossdressed still makes me laugh.
Arni and Ronnie are two characters that didn’t deserve their fates.
Arni just simply wanted to date a girl, but was held back by Abet who was her brother, also a fratman under Sigma Omicron Sigma. They eventually put Arni down for good. Angering Sid who wanted to get revenge for his dear friend and batchmate.
Even if frats seemed barbaric the whole film, they had a system for brawls which surprised me.
In the brawl, it was Sigma who broke the conditions of the agreement. They brought weapons which were not part of the deal. Luckily enough, AKΩ brought their own set of tools. Meaning that not all the time, fratmen keep their word.
At the end, it was something of delayed gratification. A reach to the finish line. 5 made it to become brods.
The ending scene shows us a glimpse that it is an endless cycles as what once were neophytes, were now masters. They are continuing to enforce the brutal system. Creating a perpetual cycle of endless agony and hurt. Depriving young men of their ability to think freely;
Like how Ferdinand Marcos Sr. stripped the Filipino of his dignity. Making him a slave of his regime, a pawn in his game.
I recommend that this film be mandatory viewing for students. It is a film that opens the heart and mind.

The new Big City Greens movie, Spacecation, premiered last night. Not too long ago, it would've been labeled a Disney Channel Original Movie, but instead, it's labeled... nothing, actually. It's just attributed to "Disney." It seems the DCOM branding is dead. (The last DCOM was 2022's Under Wraps 2.) Since then, would-be DCOMS, such as The Slumber Party and The Naughty Nine, have been branded "A Disney Original Movie," but even that phrase might not be sticking around.
It seems that Disney Channel doesn't have its own unique leadership and/or development team anymore. It's under the purview of the group (Disney Branded Television) that's also creating kids content for Disney Plus. Their strategy seems to be that Disney Channel is merely the place where new productions air on TV before living indefinitely on Disney Plus.
That's not exactly a bad thing, and Disney Branded Television hasn't forgotten about Disney Channel's lineage (see: The upcoming Raven's Home spinoff and Wizards sequel series). But this is all worth acknowledging because of a) how much things have changed for cable TV, and b) how big the DCOM franchise was in its heyday.
The highest-rated program in Disney Channel's history (the premiere of High School Musical 2) was a DCOM, and a few films that could've been DCOMs (The Lizzie McGuire Movie; High School Musical 3; The Hannah Montana Movie) had enough anticipation to be turned into theatrical releases. The latter point also speaks to just how big Disney Channel was in the 2000s. I wonder if there's ever going to be "A Disney Original Movie" that reaches the popularity of the biggest Disney Channel Original Movies.

It's been two years since my marriage ended. As I (46m) look back at the day of our wedding (we eloped to a judge and, giggling, said vows we couldn't possibly have truly understood at that time), I see a lost, empty, and charming 28-year-old man and a clueless, innocent, and incredibly sweet 22-year-old woman. We were caught up in the moment. Swept away by our childish notions about what love is. Neither of us had any idea what to do with our lives, but whatever it was, we knew... and knew profoundly... that we wanted to do it together. I can honestly say that from the earliest I can remember up to and including right now, that was the absolute happiest day of my life.
The absolute saddest day of my life came 15 years later when---
Wait, let me backup because this is important. One year into our marriage she and I experienced SEVERE trauma. We were living up in the mountains of Montana at that time, 1,500 miles away from our families. In that remote place we had only each other and we trauma bonded. At first it was sublime. We were so close to each other it was like symbiosis. But over time, it became toxic, as it always does. So there's that.
So the absolute saddest day of my life came the moment I fully realized with the most sickening and gut-wrenching sense of horror that my marriage was irrevocably over and that there was nothing I could do to save it.
Now it's two years later. I'm in a much better place than I've been in over a decade. I had to adjust my lifestyle to a very minimalistic existence. And my apartment is fairly small. BUT... it's in a pretty historic part of the city. I have a really cool and interesting job in the writing/publishing industry and I get to do it from home. I have the best cat that there ever was. I'm reasonably healthy, if not a bit overweight, but I feel like there's still enough time to have a whole new life. And I can make it whatever I want. The shape is mine to choose. And I have a very bizarre but very interesting relationship with a woman on the other side of the world.
So my point is... life isn't actually that bad. In fact, it may be that I'm grateful for the marriage and the divorce and all the pain because I wouldn't be who I am now without it. But I'm looking ahead. New life might be waiting at the back door, but there's nothing it can do until we let go, once and for all, of the old life. That's the price of the new life, and the new life is always better.

The Tale of Chihiro and No-Face

"Spirited Away" rewrote Japanese cinematic history, earning a staggering 30.8 billion yen at the box office. Needless to say, this record remains unbroken to this day. (Note: "Demon Slayer the Movie: Mugen Train", released in 2020, surpassed "Spirited Away" to become the highest-grossing film in Japanese box office history).
Mamoru Oshii: What struck me the most while watching the movie was the opening scene. It starts with a reluctant Chihiro in the backseat of a moving car, right? This is almost identical to the opening scene Miyazaki envisioned for "The Story of Yanagawa's Canals." If I remember correctly, it was a boy in that story, but otherwise, almost the same. Miyazaki initially intended to make "The Story of Yanagawa's Canals" into a live-action film. The opening he described during a planning meeting ended up becoming the beginning of "Spirited Away". What I mean to say is that while I might be a man of fixations, Miyazaki is even more so. Coming back to "Spirited Away," it's, as always, a film where scenes he wanted to create are strung together.
I rewatched it, and the story does feel somewhat disjointed. Why was it necessary to turn Chihiro's parents into pigs in the first place? And the way those pigs gorged themselves was so realistically depicted, it was like a horror movie.
Mamoru Oshii: That scene baffled me too. I thought, "Miyazaki loves pigs so much, why aren't the pigs here cute at all?" They were portrayed only in a negative light, a stark contrast from the adorable pigs in his previous works. Even the food in that scene didn't look appetizing.
The specific reason isn't clear, but turning the parents into pigs probably served as a convenient plot device to send Chihiro to work at the bathhouse. The parents barely appear in the middle of the story, right?
There's a part where Chihiro tries to find her pig-ified parents, but at least in the latter half, restoring them to their original forms doesn't seem like her primary goal anymore.
Mamoru Oshii: Miyazaki's primary concern was how to make the city-bred Chihiro engage in manual labor and, through that labor, experience personal growth and become independent. Turning her parents into pigs was an easy way to achieve that, without the need for further exploration. The parents' role was essentially fulfilled at the beginning. You could call it "convenience over coherence."
That's quite a harsh assessment!
Mamoru Oshii: Well, it is a Miyazaki film, so it comes with the territory. The plot threads are unclear, and the protagonist's internal journey is somewhat unconvincing.
I cried when Chihiro ate the rice ball Haku gave her, while crying herself.
Mamoru Oshii: That's just a detail, a single moment within the film. I've said it many times, Miyazaki is incredibly skilled at making details convincing. But judging a film is a different matter. I, for one, wouldn't watch a movie just for the details. While they're important, details alone don't make a film. I have to ask, where should a director's talent be directed? It should be in giving the film a backbone, a core, a structure - these are the director's responsibilities. I see that Miyazaki is also credited with the screenplay, but he probably didn't actually write anything down.
Not writing a script is somewhat reminiscent of Hong Kong films from a certain era. Speaking of which, Hong Kong films back then didn't even have shot lists.
Mamoru Oshii: That approach works for Jackie Chan's action films because the audience is there to see Jackie Chan's death-defying stunts. However, Studio Ghibli's works always present grand themes. Generally, you can't be so haphazard with that. So, it's just a tactic employed by Suzuki Toshio. He promotes these grand themes as a marketing strategy, not because the work inherently possesses them.
This time, the tagline was "On the other side of the tunnel, there is a wondrous town."
Mamoru Oshii: That was just the initial version; it changed later. Toshio must have been working behind the scenes, pushing for a change in the tagline. He shifted the focus to No-Face. Toshio's logic dictates that this is a story about No-Face and Chihiro.
The tagline was changed to "Everyone has a No-Face within them" midway through.
Mamoru Oshii: Exactly. "Spirited Away" is essentially a film about No-Face. Toshio apparently counted the number of shots each character appeared in, and surprisingly, No-Face had the most screen time among the supporting characters. He does frequently appear in the corner of the frame.
I don't think Mr. Miyazaki intended for him to appear so often.
Mamoru Oshii: You could call it the director's unconscious at play. Miyazaki never intended for this to be a film about No-Face. It was Suzuki Toshio who unearthed this crucial character from Miyazaki's subconscious. That's why he's so good at publicity (laughs).
Doesn't No-Face resemble the "monster from the Id" in "Forbidden Planet"?
Mamoru Oshii: No-Face symbolizes the desires of those living in modern society. No matter how much he consumes, how much he acquires, he can never find true fulfillment. He is desire itself, which is why he has no face and is called "No-Face." That's one interpretation. "Spirited Away" is about how Chihiro confronts him. In other words, it's a story about Chihiro, a girl who, after going through hardship, learns to empathize with others, and how she tames No-Face. So, it's accurate to say that this is a story about Chihiro and No-Face. Haku? Who knows where he wandered off to. Where did that pretty boy go?
I was actually thinking about him all this time.
Mamoru Oshii: Come on, Haku is just a flimsy supporting character.
True, that's rather cruel. Initially, his presence was quite significant, but it seems the director got tired of him midway through... They really did him dirty.
Mamoru Oshii: Anyone who watches this movie initially assumes it's a story about Chihiro and Haku. However, as it progresses, the strange, almost monstrous, old man, No-Face, who only appeared occasionally at first, starts to occupy more and more screen time, leaving viewers wondering where the story is headed. That's very much Miya-san's style; he creates films unconsciously. It's not wrong to say that this film embodies the essence of Miya-san more than any other.

Starting with the "Troubled Child" Trope

Rewatching the film, the character of Chihiro intrigued me. Her personality eludes me. It's understandable that she'd be sad about moving from her familiar life in Tokyo to the countryside, but isn't her demeanor a result of the situation, rather than her inherent personality? Why is it portrayed as if it's her usual self?
Mamoru Oshii: Exactly. It shows that Miyazaki wasn't particularly interested in portraying this girl as a fully-fleshed person. He draws a scene, adds a touch of discontent, and considers it done.
However, don't you find it recurring in Ghibli films that urban children with flaws or issues undergo self-improvement and self-discovery in the countryside? "Kiki's Delivery Service" reverses this by moving from the countryside to the city, but "Spirited Away", "My Neighbor Totoro", and "When Marnie Was There" all follow this pattern. Why repeat this formula? I don't see any connection to Miyazaki's essence here. This points to distribution-related reasons, which means Suzuki Toshio created this formula. It has to resonate with the contemporary Japanese audience, has to have a marketable theme. Otherwise, as the producer in charge of publicity, I'd never get my moment in the spotlight – I imagine Toshio thinking something along these lines.
The whole point of publicity is to grab the public's attention. What are the people living in Japan worried about these days? Distill those concerns into a universally understandable form, find the greatest common denominator, and you get the theme of "a troubled child living in the city discovers themselves in the countryside." People readily understand and are drawn to this theme. To put it bluntly, that's what it boils down to. That's precisely why Ghibli films almost always start with a troubled child. The only exception might be "Porco Rosso," though, strictly speaking, even "Castle in the Sky" follows this pattern.
So, even Mr. Miyazaki is being manipulated by Mr. Suzuki?
Mamoru Oshii: During the making of "Kiki's Delivery Service," Toshio insisted on a story about an indecisive young girl, and this somehow became a "fixed pattern" in Ghibli films.
In "Spirited Away," Chihiro is initially hesitant, but she quickly pulls herself together and transforms into a hardworking, well-behaved child, doesn't she? I felt that the transition was too abrupt.
Mamoru Oshii: Like I've said many times, Miyazaki dislikes wishy-washy kids who whine about disliking work, so he completely skips over that process. He instantly transforms Chihiro into a hardworking child who enjoys her work. Since he's the one drawing, he wouldn't want to spend time drawing a character he finds unpleasant.
Is that the only reason? Generally speaking, the process of growth is crucial, isn't it?
Mamoru Oshii: Generally, yes, but this is Miyazaki, so naturally, it's different. This film is constructed according to the "Miyazaki grammar," so to speak. It's a different kind of personal expression compared to "Porco Rosso." You could say it's Miyazaki's masterpiece.
By "masterpiece", do you mean including its box office success? Speaking of which, why did it become such a huge hit? It's true that many charming characters appear in the film. Is that the sole reason for its popularity?
Mamoru Oshii: There's a simple explanation for why a flawed film like this could become a box office smash hit: "Because Ghibli films always succeed commercially." That's just how Japanese people are; they won't criticize something that has achieved significant success. The same goes for Akira Kurosawa.
Shinji(Shinji Higuchi) once said, according to his "chair theory," the answer to the question, "Who can sit on Akira Kurosawa's chair?" is "Hayao Miyazaki." No one can criticize the person sitting on that chair because the occupant is a master. That's predetermined. In Japan, masters are exempt from criticism.
That's certainly an easy explanation to understand.
Mamoru Oshii: Let me share another of Shinji's theories, the "underwear theory": "A director's worth is determined by how they take off their underwear." Surprisingly, this applies to almost every director. According to this theory, Miyazaki is "a genius who pretends to take off his underwear but never actually does." That's precisely why he's such a successful entertainer. As for Anno, he'd probably take his underwear off immediately in most situations. The problem is, "what's underneath is quite strange."
Those are amusing analogies. What about you, Oshii-san?
Mamoru Oshii: Shinji says I'm the type who "acts like I'm taking it off, but underneath, it's all fake."
Well said! What about Higuchi-san himself?
Mamoru Oshii: It's hard to be objective when evaluating oneself. But if I were to use the chair theory we just discussed, the chair that corresponds to me would be "Junya Sato's chair," I suppose. Everyone around Shinji loved Sato's "The Bullet Train," and Shinji himself aspires to occupy the position of "a director who consistently delivers genuine blockbuster films."
But getting back to the topic, the film director everyone in Japan, young and old, knows used to be Akira Kurosawa. Now it's Hayao Miyazaki. From grandparents to kindergarteners, everyone knows him. Once you reach that level, it no longer matters who evaluates you. There's nothing but praise, at least in Japan.

Visual Quality and Maturity

A film that grossed 30 billion yen at the box office is bound to receive high praise. Moreover, it even won an Academy Award! The flooded bathhouse scene was truly beautiful, reminiscent of Kutani ware.
Mamoru Oshii: No, even from a visual quality standpoint, it's not that great. The colors are somewhat muddy, especially in the bathhouse scenes.
Really? The colorful konpeito candy that the soot sprites eat was quite beautiful. It felt like the color contrast was carefully considered.
Mamoru Oshii: That's what I've been saying – it's the power of details. I've said it so many times. When discussing Miyazaki's films, the usual phrases are "that scene was amazing," "that child was so cute," "that character was the best." They only focus on specific moments and rarely offer any evaluation of the work as a whole.
What struck me the most in this film was the layout. The quality of the layouts has clearly declined. The spatial inconsistencies within the boiler room and the bathhouse are a recurring issue, so let's set those aside. Even so, the dynamism in the layouts is gone. They created such a grand, three-dimensional bathhouse, yet there's hardly any verticality in the layouts. The camera moves only horizontally, and vertical movement is achieved through an elevator, believe it or not. I was astounded. The Miyazaki from the past would never have resorted to such shortcuts. He would have created elaborate staircases and expansive settings. The idea of using an elevator is just unbelievable.
Perhaps he started with the intention of creating something truly grand, but his energy waned. This decline was already noticeable during "Princess Mononoke." He gradually started relying on other key animators to share the workload. On an animation production, the visuals are always a hot topic. During the making of "Spirited Away," I often heard comments like, "Even Miyazaki..." It's the reality of aging, I suppose. Animation is largely a hand-crafted art form, so such changes can't be completely concealed.
Rewatching Miyazaki's works with this perspective, I believe that the visual quality peaked with "Kiki's Delivery Service." After that, the peak of his personal work, in terms of maturity, was around the time of "Spirited Away." It's interesting, isn't it? The peak of his work and the peak of his visual quality don't coincide. This phenomenon isn't limited to Miyazaki. It happens to others as well. It's ironic, in a way, that "Kiki's Delivery Service" is probably the film Miyazaki wants to revisit the least.
What about you, Oshii-san?
Mamoru Oshii: My visual peak was "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence", and the peak of my work was "Patlabor 2: The Movie." I'm confident in that assessment. I have a firm grasp of myself, but it's hard to say whether Miyazaki has the same grasp on himself.
On a different note, there's also the "spring roll legend," right? The story goes that Mr. Miyazaki kept having the animators redraw the scene where the parents eat spring rolls because he insisted they weren't eating them correctly. It's become a famous anecdote.
Mamoru Oshii: I think that story originated from an NHK documentary. But to me, it felt like a broken record.
He's been saying things like that ever since I met him, complaining about how "animators these days are becoming increasingly detached from the real world." We've even argued about it.
You argued again? (laughs)
Mamoru Oshii: While I was working on "Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence", Miyazaki was working on "Howl's Moving Castle", and I often visited Ghibli. Once, we were having a casual conversation, but Miyazaki's mood gradually soured. He started grumbling about "animators these days..." and "the mentality of artists..." I gradually lost my patience and retorted, "Why are you still harping on about that? Nothing has changed about that for the past 10 or 20 years!" Our voices echoed through the studio as we argued. That was probably the last time I saw Miyazaki. I haven't seen him since.
Wow, you two are close. (laughs)
Mamoru Oshii: What? We're not close at all!
Come on, now. So, what are your thoughts on the "spring roll" issue?
Mamoru Oshii: Actually, Miyazaki isn't entirely wrong. Young animators these days have no real-world experience outside of their desks. They've grown up watching nothing but anime, often just robot anime. Human beings eat, sleep, and use the bathroom. These animators work in a place far removed from the realities of being alive, which is not how it should be. Their job is to depict the real world. So I agree with Miyazaki when he says, "There's no need to strive for perfect accuracy. Recreating the feeling of life, that's the ultimate goal for an animator." He said, "Start by observing things." That's because exceptional animators are all geniuses at observation. And it goes without saying that Miyazaki is a genius in this regard.

The Best Scene in Cinematic History

That's why the eating scenes in Miyazaki's films always look so delicious. It was the first time I saw rice balls that looked so appetizing.
Mamoru Oshii: Mm. The eating scenes are classic. As far as I know, no one can top Miyazaki when it comes to depicting food.
I incorporate eating scenes in my own work because I resonate with Miyazaki's approach. His depiction of food has been outstanding since "Future Boy Conan." I always include eating scenes in my work, both in live-action and animation, but it's no easy feat. The difficulty increases exponentially with animation, often ending in failure. Come to think of it, my friendship with Miyazaki actually blossomed over our shared appreciation for food scenes. For Miyazaki, eating scenes are just as important as running or flying scenes. The scene where Chihiro eats the rice ball while crying is the ultimate expression of savoring delicious food.
That scene moved many people to tears, myself included. I believe there was a limited-edition DVD release that came with a replica of Haku's rice ball. Mr. Suzuki really knows how to capitalize on these things.
Mamoru Oshii: These are the dilemmas that plague Miyazaki. "A rice ball is only a rice ball if it's hand-rolled and warm. Those plastic-wrapped things from convenience stores aren't fit for human consumption!" I'm sure he wants to say things like that. But he has to swallow those words. The more successful he becomes, the more he's exploited by the very world he despises. But that's the reality of working within a commercial system.
I've spoken at length about the contradictions within Miyazaki, and this is perhaps the greatest one: achieving tremendous success and reaping the benefits within a world he loathes. In a way, it's as if he's being pummeled by his idealized self. But he refuses to acknowledge this, which is why he constantly expresses his dissatisfaction.
He even felt uncomfortable about making all that money himself, so he once took me on a scouting trip to Europe. I'm sure there were other "adult world" reasons for that, though. (laughs). I think that was also Miyazaki's way of atoning in his own way.
That's a bit sad.
Mamoru Oshii: But one thing remains unchanged: the sheer power of his scene composition, especially the scene where Chihiro and No-Face ride the train to Zeniba's house. It's clearly a depiction of the Sanzu River, and I'm sure Miyazaki himself was aware of it. The railroad tracks submerged in shallow water, Chihiro and No-Face boarding the train and embarking on their journey together—that Sanzu River imagery is the most remarkable cinematic scene I've ever witnessed.
In Miyazaki's filmography?
Mamoru Oshii: In all of cinema.
Really?
Mamoru Oshii: Seijun Suzuki has directed similar scenes, many directors have attempted it, but Miyazaki's execution is unparalleled.
You consider it superior to the train scene in "Grave of the Fireflies"?
Mamoru Oshii: Of course. That scene is dark and melancholic. But Miyazaki's Sanzu River possesses a remarkable transparency, a certain serenity. The surrounding silence is profound. It's truly exceptional. The passengers are depicted as blurry shadows, which is a difficult technique to pull off effectively. In other words, he poured his heart and soul into crafting that scene.
You could say it's a scene that encapsulates Miyazaki's view on life and death. Compared to Takahata-san's perspective on life and death as depicted in "Grave of the Fireflies," Miyazaki's is demonstrably more profound. Takahata Isao is, at his core, a disagreeable intellectual. That train scene is probably what the Sanzu River looks like in the imagination of an intellectual.
But you've praised that particular scene in "Grave of the Fireflies" before.
Mamoru Oshii: I praised it because that's the only scene from "Grave of the Fireflies" that left a lasting impression. Of course, I had to acknowledge it. There are very few films that achieve that level of emotional resonance. However, compared to Miyazaki's Sanzu River, it pales in comparison. The persuasive power, the understanding of human mortality and the cycle of life and death, the depth of their respective insights—the difference is stark. That's something I want to emphasize. That Sanzu River scene is just brilliant!
The problem arises with the scene after they cross over.
Chihiro has tea at Zeniba's house, right?
Mamoru Oshii: Everything leading up to that point was exceptional. But upon arriving, it leaves you with a sense of "is that all there is?" That's a realm best left unexplored.
Having said that, no director could truly depict what lies beyond. Even if they could depict the journey to the other side, they couldn't portray what awaits there. Attempting to do so would result in something akin to Tetsuro Tanba's "The Great Spirit World"—it would become cartoonish.
Why is it impossible to depict the afterlife? Because none of us have experienced it. To borrow from Miyazaki's logic, "Animators can't draw what they haven't seen."
So why did he draw it?
Mamoru Oshii: He could have ended the scene with Chihiro and No-Face on the train, suddenly opening her eyes as if awakening from a dream. But why didn't he? Perhaps Miyazaki overthought it, feeling that "it wouldn't be right to end it there." But I wanted to tell him, this is a story that defies logic, so why be so fixated on making that particular part coherent?
In the end, Haku comes to get Chihiro. Was that scene necessary to clarify the relationship between Haku and Chihiro?
Mamoru Oshii: Like I said, the relationship between Haku and Chihiro was an afterthought. Miyazaki wasn't particularly invested in it. He kept adding unnecessary elements that only served to expose his true intentions.
Personally, I'm most curious about where Miyazaki drew inspiration for No-Face. Even if you consider him an unconscious genius, don't you find the originality of No-Face quite remarkable? The fact that he can be perceived as originating from the other side, from the afterlife, is why the Sanzu River scene appears. But the origin of his design, that's something I'm still incredibly curious about.
_________
The content is from a Japanese book 誰も語らなかったジブリを語ろう (Let's talk about Ghibli that no one has talked about).
Interviewer: Maki Watanabe
Shinji refers to Shinji Higuchi
Anno refers to Hideaki Anno
The Sanzu River is a river in Japanese mythology that separates the world of the living from the world of the dead. It is said to be a river of blood, pus, and tears, and that the souls of the dead must cross it before they can reach the afterlife. The river is also said to be guarded by a ferryman, who charges a fee for passage.
There are three bridges across the river, each of which corresponds to a different level of virtue in the deceased:
The Bridge of Causality: For those who have lived a virtuous life. The Bridge of Justice: For those who have lived a life of justice. The Bridge of Aspiration: For those who have lived a life of aspiration.
The river and its bridges are often depicted in Japanese art and literature. It is a symbol of the passage from life to death, and the judgment that awaits the soul in the afterlife.

I’ve had cutaneous candidiases on my vulva off and on for 7 years. My symptoms don’t seem to match with typical yeast infections. Like BC is supposed to exacerbate yeast but when I was on 20 mcg of estrogen b.c it actually stopped the infections. I’m off it now and realize that my period stops my flare ups but only if I don’t wear tampons. I’m wondering if the stem cells in my menstrual blood could be fixing it? How do I bring this up to my doctor without them thinking I’m crazy lol?
Note: my blood sugar has already been checked and I’m fine. I’ve been on fluconazole, multiple creams, oral Itraconazole, many supplements and enzymes, changed my diet, see a naturopath and doctors, and only wear cotton underwear and no underwear when I can. And I cannot use boric acid, I’ve already asked and they said it won’t work on yeast inside the skin. And I have had a skin biopsy to confirm it was yeast.

im scared because my boyfriend ejaculated when i was giving him oral and he was cleaning the semen with tissue but the tissue was not super wet. i made a mistake by wiping the same tissue on my vagina. I was sitting on the floor and the cum was on my stomach and all and I was trying to wipe it so it doesn't go down into my underwear. And when I saw there was some on my arm, I tried to wipe it, and without thinking I accidentally used the same tissue to wipe my vagina. There was not a lot of cum on it. The tissue was not soaking. Can someone please tell me if I am pregnant or not. I don't want to be pregnant.This was a big mistake. Also I gave him oral on June 2nd. My next period is from June 11-15. My last period was from May 14-18. My Flo app said my ovulation was on May 27.

im scared because my boyfriend ejaculated when i was giving him oral and he was cleaning the semen with tissue but the tissue was not super wet. i made a mistake by wiping the same tissue on my vagina. I was sitting on the floor and the cum was on my stomach and all and I was trying to wipe it so it doesn't go down into my underwear. And when I saw there was some on my arm, I tried to wipe it, and without thinking I accidentally used the same tissue to wipe my vagina. There was not a lot of cum on it. The tissue was not soaking. Can someone please tell me if I am pregnant or not. I don't want to be pregnant.This was a big mistake.

Now... i had the Kyleena inserted over a Month ago and while the most hellish phase has passed, i have not yet had a single day without some form of bleeding. Like, stronger (tampon needed) days to just a lil spot in the underwear days but ALWAYS bleeding. Now I keep being reassured by everyone that this is normal (Is it?!) But it makes me mostly worry wether or not my kyleena is actually working? If my Partner comes home from his 2 months away business trip in 2 weeks am I safe to finally skip the condoms and just be free? I have lost any and all trust in my gyna so I ask here, i can find a new one if needed but would really love to hear your guys experiences!

And there was precum inside the underwear, i am worried if the precum might have smeared on the condom outside.. what are the chances?
Please help, we had sex around 4 days before periods were supposed to come.
Periods are 4 days late now

Do we think hannah will move out anytime soon? i would love to see a show on how she handles real life without everything being handed to her and only the best luxuries bought with her parents money. now that she graduated high school why does she still get that enormous room and im confused why jamie doesnt get it lol. i wonder if and when she will move out and face reality or if she will continue pretending like she is still in high school

Hi everyone. I started taking Spiro in April of 2021, after trying EVERY topical treatment under the sun since I was 15 (I’m 37 now) and getting either no results or temporary results. I was so tired of breakouts.
I started on 50mg and by January of 2022, I was on 200mg.
Everything was OK, though being constantly thirsty and dry and dehydrated wore on me. Especially on my guts. I went for a GI consultation in late February because I’d been having stomach pains and early satiety and x-ray results showed that I had “severe fecal stasis.” Sexy! I did a colon cleanse that weekend.
After my endoscopy in May, my GI suggested I start on Linzess, but I didn’t like the sound of the side effects AND like, taking MORE meds to counter the side effects of my current meds (Spiro) did not appeal to me.
I hated that the Spiro was clogging me up, even with HIGH doses of magnesium and for a time, miralax. Especially in light of my 14-pound weight gain (I’m 5’4”, I was around 130 lbs in December and I currently weigh around 144 lbs). The weight gain has been by far the most difficult symptom to contend with. I am extremely uncomfortable in my own skin, and I feel a LOT of stress & anxiety. I really dislike my big tummy. Clothes don’t fit. Underwear rolls down. Even sitting on the recliner makes me uncomfortable.
I stopped Spiro cold turkey on May 15. I’ve gained about 5 lbs in the span of a couple of days. I know that I should’ve talked to my dermatologist and/or weaned off it, but the thought of having this medication mess with my system for another second was very upsetting.
I also know that if I want to drop the extra pounds, I need to read loseit, start a gentle diet, log what I eat and drink, and stop overeating at night. And I know that I should try to be patient with my body as it readjusts. But does anyone have any additional advice?
Additional info:
I’m seeing my dermatologist on July 10 (she’ll probs be thrilled that I stopped Spiro without consulting with her) and I plan to ask for bloodwork to dertermine if my hormones, etc. are on the fritz. Along with a full thyroid panel. Last year I was very low on B12 in the spring and I ran out of injections this past April, so I’m curious to know my current levels.
Also I’m on hormonal birth control, so my cycles are fairly normal. I just saw the girly doctor last week. I told her of my recent struggles and she renewed my rx (and asked if I could cut back my work hours, which is so not feasible right now).
My breakouts haven’t been too bad yet. That’s probably forthcoming. Truth be told, since January, my skin’s been pretty acne-ridden (though not as acne-ridden as it was pre-Spiro).
Oh, and I’ve been more regular since stopping Spiro. So that’s one plus in this abyss of minuses.
edit: forgot to mention I’ve also been taking 200 mg of DIM since 6/1.
Thank you if you’ve made it this far. Reading this sub has been very encouraging and enlightening to me.

hi, i’m seventeen and kind of nervous and could really use some advice :(
two days ago, after sitting for several hours, i stood up and felt pain in my lower reigon. the pain is located in the crease between my thigh and whatever the area between the outer labia and thigh is called, right where underwear rubs.
i assumed that my underwear was too tight and that i was sitting weirdly without realizing it, and adjusted. it didn’t help, but i thought it was just some random irritation and that it would resolve itself. unfortunately, after two days, it has only become more painful.
it’s not easy to see without using a mirror, but i’ll try to describe it. on the first day, it was kind of red and there was a small bump, around the size of a bean. after two more days, it is still red, and the size may have become bigger. it’s more like a lump than a bump now. it’s only on one side and i’m pretty sure it’s too low for a swollen lymph node.
things that might be worth mentioning: i don’t shave so i don’t think it’s an ingrown hair. i’ve been on birth control for around three years. my mom and grandma have PCOS but i don’t. i am not sexually active in any way.
i’ve never had something like this happen before so i don’t know what to do. before doing any frantic googling i decided to ask here to see if anyone knows what it could be and what i should do about it. thanks in advance!

hi, i’m seventeen and kind of nervous and could really use some advice :(
two days ago, after sitting for several hours, i stood up and felt pain in my lower reigon. the pain is located in the crease between my thigh and whatever the area between the outer labia and thigh is called, right where underwear rubs.
i assumed that my underwear was too tight and that i was sitting weirdly without realizing it, and adjusted. it didn’t help, but i thought it was just some random irritation and that it would resolve itself. unfortunately, after two days, it has only become more painful.
it’s not easy to see without using a mirror, but i’ll try to describe it. on the first day, it was kind of red and there was a small bump, around the size of a bean. after two more days, it is still red, and the size may have become bigger. it’s more like a lump than a bump now. it’s only on one side and i’m pretty sure it’s too low for a swollen lymph node.
things that might be worth mentioning: i don’t shave so i don’t think it’s an ingrown hair. i’ve been on birth control for around three years. my mom and grandma have PCOS but i don’t. i am not sexually active in any way.
i’ve never had something like this happen before so i don’t know what to do. before doing any frantic googling i decided to ask here to see if anyone knows what it could be and what i should do about it. thanks in advance!

I just came across dogfree last night and I feel so understood. I had convinced myself I was some kind of sociopath for despising our dog.
My boyfriend impulsively adopted an 8-month-old pit mix about 7 months ago. He's wanted a dog for some time, and we'd talked about it, but I thought we'd put a little more effort into finding a good fit. I knew I wasn't a dog person, but the moment we brought her in the house I knew I'd made a huge mistake. She has an outrageous amount of energy that never depletes, must be around us constantly, destroys all her toys and makes a huge mess around the house, has accidents multiple times a week, scares my cats and smells so bad all the time. I'm completely at a loss as to how to deal with the stress.
I'm uncomfortable in my house 24 hours a day. The smell of dog drives me insane. Even when she is fresh out of the bath, she stinks. I cannot stand her hot breath on my legs while I'm doing dishes, sitting down on the couch, or doing literally anything. We keep the house cool, but she is ALWAYS panting and drooling all over everything. She is constantly licking or chewing on herself making the WORST smacking sounds I have ever heard. It literally makes me nauseous. She has gotten on my bed and peed on it. Twice. She goes into my hamper and has eaten over a dozen pairs of my used underwear. I can't even take a shower without my boyfriend letting her in the bathroom because "she just wants to hang out with me."
I have crying breakdowns multiple times a week because of how overwhelmed and stressed I am with the dog in the house. I have two cats that the dog has scared off to the garage most of the time, which makes me really upset. I've had these cats for 5 years and I feel like I've run them out of their own home. I can't put her in the backyard because she jumps clear over our chain-link fence. She will whine and cry at the door for hours, but we can't let her out because she may get hit by a car if she jumps the fence while we're not watching. When we have conversations about how unhappy I am, my boyfriend essentially tells me to "stop being so negative" and to get used to the fact that we have a dog. He does his best to accommodate me: the dog isn't allowed on the bed or my sofa, she goes in the kennel when we eat meals, he doesn't feed her table food etc., but it never feels like enough.
The house always feels and smells dirty, which is a huge trigger for me. The wet spots in the carpet from drool, water dribbled everywhere after she takes a drink, mud and dirt and poop tracked into the house anytime she goes out, and the constant dog smell drive me up the wall. I am nonstop cleaning up after the dog and it is exhausting. Not to mention, she lets a dog-poop-scented fart rip every 20 minutes, audibly. She is absolutely disgusting.
When I see my boyfriend petting or talking to the dog, I get the ick, or annoyed or mad at him. I can't help but blame him for the misery I'm in every day. Any time the dog does something gross, I take it out on him. When we took a weekend trip together, we left the dog with his mom. I did not miss the dog for a second. I have considered breaking up more than a handful of times just to be rid of the dog. I am at my wits end and feel so hopeless. My boyfriend grew up in an unkept, nasty home with dogs, so I know he cannot even begin to understand how the conditions of our house make me feel. I am the housekeeping partner, but the chores are never-ending with that disgusting creature in the house. I am completely exhausted, beyond frustrated and out of patience for both of them. At least I have somewhere to vent and read other people's stories.

Was listening to Chalk Pie and Crush All Boxes and I think I prefer some of the versions on both those boots to their officially released counterparts, for example We’re Turning Again (without Ike’s Thing Fish voice plus more of the “live” feel coming out of the mix), Teenage Prostitute (with more of Lisa’s voice and a what sounds like a more chaotic/energetic mix), Frogs With Dirty Little Lips live version, basically every mix on Crush All Boxes vs the YAWYI versions, etc. etc. This led me to think about other versions from live recordings both officially and unofficially released, that I enjoy more than the “originals”. Some of those are:
• Sharleena & Billy The Mountain from Carnegie Hall • Variant I Processional March from Wazoo (Early version of Regyptian Strut) • the single edit with intro of Montana from the Over-Nite Sensation Anniversary Edition
There are tons more but those are some I can remember off the top of my head. What are yours?

Thought it'd be fun to do a more lighthearted post for Friday.
The main reason I wanted to date my Korean partner was because he was super outgoing - quite the contrast to my introverted self. He is the life of the party wherever he goes and is a natural leader. After meeting his friends and seeing the kind people they are, it was a done deal. He treats them well but he treats me even better - I truly feel like a princess and he is the ultimate gentelman. I never felt more respected in a relationship before.
He also has a great sense of humor and we share a similar sense of nostalgia - one of our first dates he was blasting Hannah Montana in the car and bolting out all the lyrics by heart. 😂 Also he's a cat person and loves his just as much as I love mine, which was very important when moving in together!
Appearance-wise, my man has the cutest smile that warms my heart every time I see it, he's also tall (6'!) which did amplify his attractiveness and has nice hair and beard. :)
Culturally, I admire the respect he has for his family and how they mutually take care of each other. They are very hardworking and modest, which makes it easy for me to relate to them. And once I got his mom's approval, I could breathe easy!

I’m writing an enemies to lovers story and my characters’ names are Lily and Ethan. I just realized that those are characters from Hannah Montana and Lizzie McGuire (respectively). They’re nothing like those characters at all, but I’m sure Disney has some weird copyright rules I’m going to have to avoid to use their names. I’m distraught. Back to the drawing board, I guess? How can I avoid using names that already have been used???

I met my angel best friend when we were 12/13 years old. She was in the foster care system with her siblings so she moved into the trailer park I grew up in with her grandparents. We immediately became instant friends. Always together. We would even get in trouble and our punishments would be not able to hangout together.
Her home life was not great, but for us no one cared.
Fast forward three years later.. We’re sitting in the lunchroom at school one morning and I’m making a joke with her about her weekend with her at the time boyfriend and she jumps up and starts screaming in my face to “shut the hell up because I’m stupid and don’t know what I’m talking about” and leaves school for the rest of the day.
Two hours after she left she sends me a texts apologizing and what she told me completely made me come undone in school, to the point I had to be picked up by my mom.
She told me what really happened over her supposed to be fun filled weekend with her at the time boyfriend. Her cousin picked her up, took her to this damn near out where we lived and raped her and choked her out over and over again. 😭
That was just three months before she died.
He would text her from her grandma’s phone pretending to be their grandma telling her to go home and he would meet her and take her in his car to rape her and beat her.
I begged her to please tell someone. Anyone. But she was so scared. He was always the kind of person that would talk about how to dispose of bodies without them ever being found, how if he couldn’t find a girl friend he would make one.
He legally wasn’t even supposed to be around her and her younger sister. He had previously been in trouble for things he had done to her younger sister who is mentally disabled.
The weekend our spring break started, she was ready to talk. To tell her grandma what her cousin was doing to her.
Me, her, and another friend of ours went to the movies to see the new Alice in wonderland movie that came out (March 2010) in the movie she began texting her grandma and she replied back with “stop lying”
She already knew no one was going to believe her or care enough to listen to what she was saying. Her grandma proceeded to tell the sicko cousin what she told her……
He was outraged.
A few days later, the grandma calls me and ask if she is with me and I say “no I haven’t seen her today”
(I was out with another friend helping her look for shoes for her prom)
I call around and no one’s seen or heard from her. My parents and everyone else is out looking for her. I’m trying my hardest to just get home to go help look for her. As I’m waiting for my ride I get a phone call from my mom and as soon as I answer all I hear is my mother screaming and I just knew she was gone.
Apparently her cousin found her hanging in their shed from a dog leash and took her down. My father walked into check to see if she was still breathing, she wasn’t. My father immediately went after her cousin because she was finally speaking out about what he was doing to her. He killed her. We all knew it.
The sicko cousin was finally found by the police a hour or so later and was taken into custody but was later released because “the victim is no longer here to claim rape”
Neighbors made statements about how he’s car was back up to the shed door and he was unloading something into the shed earlier that day.
Her body had finger like bruising around her neck.
The back of the boots she was wearing had scuff marks on the back of the heels.
The body released all bodily fluids, her underwear didn’t have anything on them but her pants did. She was found with her underwear on.
It’s been 14 years since. And it’s all that consumes me. He’s married now with two daughters of his own.

Really random thing to bother me, but I come from a very religious household. I've moved out for the most part now for uni, but I stay with them in the Summer. My dad's not a creep or anything, but ever since I was like, 11 I've had to be really mindful of what I'm wearing around him. If I'm wearing a dressing robe and it falls to expose some of my leg he reminds me to cover up, if I'm not wearing a bra my mum'll tell me to put one on. I was using the bathroom this morning in my underwear and a shirt and he had to go and wait in his room so I could leave and go to my room without him seeing me.
And then I see my friends raised in secular households who just walk around comfy as anything in their pajamas, shorts, crop tops, whatever, and their dads don't even blink. My mum doesn't care, so that's nice, but still. It just makes me so jealous. I'm not even religious anymore and they know that but I still have to make an effort to follow the rules when I'm in their house, which makes sense to me. Such a small thing to bother me but I wish I had that level of comfort with my dad. Or even just in my own home.

Hi, to all those who have had a varicocele microsurgery, did your feeling of heaviness and dragging pain resolved after surgery? And were you able to go on without wearing underwear?