10 years ago my mom, my little brother & I came to the U.S from a war torn nation. I have always praised my mom for seeking a better lives for us with her limited English. However, 2 years after living in the U.S, my mom started dating a guy in secret. I was 14. When he calls, she move away from us & scold us if we go near her. She started making me & my brother sleep at 7 so she could bring him over since we were still missing our dad that she didn’t want us to have a relationship with bc she was forced to marry him & she hates him. She told us about her bf one day and asked if we are okay with him being around. Mind you, we have only met him twice. We nodded bc we had to. The guy moved in with us w/o any notice. We live in a 2 bd & 1 ba apartment, so living with a stranger was weird for me & i barely interacted with him. I had to share a room with my brother as teenagers which is annoying bc no privacy. Despite her bf being in his 30s, he was working a pt that paid $10, my mom was working at a warehouse making a bit more. my mom’s friends warned her about the guy & she cut them off. She made me cook for him as a 14 yo while she was at work. I spent weekends cooking miserably instead of enjoying the rest of my childhood since my early childhood was stolen by the war.
They had a son and my mom became a stay at home mom relying on his unstable income. My half brother is now 4 & my mom is still at home. we are still in the same 2 bd & 1 ba moldy apt that leaks & soak the carpet & causing sickness, especially to me bc I have asthma .I got a job at 16 so I can take care of myself, my brother & even her bc I can’t ask her bf for money since he isn’t my dad. I hate my mom bc she went from being a strong mom to weak women in debt bc of her deadbeat bf. I now work ft while being a ft college student so I can take care of me & my siblings. My mom won’t get a job bc he doesn’t want her to work. He wants her to raise his son until age 5 before working again bc he is controlling. I find this so stupid bc in this economy, both of them need to work.
I can’t move out bc my job is not enough to get me an apt. I could get a studio but my heart won’t let me move & leave my siblings at the hand of my mom and her bf. I now sleep in my car & save $ so that I can graduate, start my business & get out of this poverty with my siblings. I am not close to my mom anymore . She never listens to us bc she is always right. She wishes my brother & I would die every time we make a mistake & make her mad. She regrets having my brother & I. She used to beat, bite, & call me names if I made a mistake. This has destroyed my self esteem. I am now almost 20 & don’t know myself & I am a people pleasure. don’t have a life or friends. All I do is work, study, & take care of my family bc my mom’s bf works far away.

I am up for any subject really. But a bit about me, I'm fairly nerdy. I enjoy video games, anime, learning to code, programming, and reading comics. I also like to work on my cars. I mostly play single player Japanese style RPGs like Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts, Pokemon, Fire Emblem, etc. I do enjoy some anime, but I'm not a hardcore fan. Mostly I just like ones like Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood and Death Note. As far as comics go, I really only read Marvel. I got into them when I was getting a little disappointed in the MCU movies and wanted to read more about the source material. I am also teaching myself how to code in Python 3, mostly to improve my game play in the games I do play. I also enjoy working on cars and have two myself that I work on when time and resources allow.
But again, I really just want some company and can talk about anything.

TODAY'S RECAP

I was so bored with the show today. Liam gets all up in Deacon's business. Luna worries she's pregnant. RJ fusses at Brooke for fussing at Zende. Even Steffy's confrontation with Sheila bored me bc it was so very predictable. Knowing the topics, someone could write a recap without even viewing the episode.

RJ, Brooke, and Ridge at FC

RJ: MOMMMM! You shouldn't have fussed at Zende! 🤨 It's Luna's business. I want to respect her privacy. So, please stay out of it! 😦 I'm handling it. Gah! I don't need your help!
Brooke: I had to! 😦
RJ: No. No you did NOT have to! (💭 Don't make me regret telling you.😕)
Brooke: We're FAMILY! He slept with your girlfriend! 👩I had to know what he would say for himself (💭 🫤 Not much.)
RJ: Nuh uh! You did not HAVE to know ANYTHING! (💭 Getting mom to back off is not easy. Why does she have to know everything? 🫤)
I'ma draw a circle ⭕ around MY business and Luna's. That's called a BOUNDARY. This is you right here 👇 in the middle of OUR business. You need to get 👉 👉 👉 OUT. (💭 Okay, Reddit. That's what we wished he would have said 🫤.)
(What he really said, in the nicest way possible) Mommmmm. Don't do that. We need to respect Luna's privacy. I don't want you taking about it here or with dad.
Enter Ridge. 😀 What's going on? Something's up. What is it? 🧐 It's totally my business. Everything is. I get to butt in. That's my thing.
RJ: 🫤
Brooke: 🙄
Ridge: It's Luna right? 😀 Great gal! Office romance, huh. 👩‍❤️‍👨 I did that. I fell for this hot chemist 🔬😍. (Smoochy Smoochy 😘.)
RJ: (💭 Not your business 😒). Dad, it's not a BIG life or death thing, so can you just be cool with not knowing? 😐
Ridge: Nooo. Now I REALLY want to know!
RJ: It doesn't involve you two and it's not life or death, so. (💭 These two! Gah!)
Ridge: Ohhhh, I see. You're acting like a teenager, going to your mom for help.
Brooke: He's not in any kind of trouble 😐. (💭 Getting him to back off is not easy. Why does he have to know everything? 🫤)
Ridge: Alright. Look, your mom gives great advice. Listen to her! 😀 I'm here too if you want to talk. (Redditors who are not fast forwarding are surprised he's letting it go. It's so un-Ridge.)
You're doing so great! 😀 HFTF👗is great! 😃 You have a great team 🙂 and that ain't easy! Your collaboration is great! 😊 It's all great! 😀 Everyone else thinks you're great too! 😃 And you and Luna are great! 👩‍❤️‍👨 Keep up the great! 😁
RJ: With Hope's vision, anyone coul--
Ridge: Nah. Not anyone. You're GREAT!

Luna and Poppy at FC

Luna: Ohhhhhhhh noooooooo.😟 I think I might be pregnant.🤰I have this pregnancy test, but I think instead of taking it, we should just speculate back and forth.
Poppy and Luna: (play 20 questions❓) We know you had sex❓ Yah 😟. With two guys❓Yah 😣. Did you use protection❓Yah 😢. Do you feel sick❓🤢 Yah yah yah! 🤢🤮 Have you ever felt like this before❓Noooooooooooooooo! 😩 It's a special, unique, new kinda sick! 😖
Luna: I don't want to mess up my life! 😫 What am I gonna doooooooo?! RJ just forgave me 😫.
Poppy: Oh! YAY! 😃👏👏👏 Told you so 😏.
Luna: I don't wanna baby! 👶🍼 Wah! 😩
Poppy: (💭 Yah. Obviously sweetheart. You might think your grown, but you're still a BABY! And kind of a big baby 🫤.) Don't get ahead of yourself. It could be something else. 🙄
Luna: Yah! 🙄 But nah 😞. Maybe I should just take the test? (💭 🤔)
Poppy: Yah. 😐
(⏰ Alarm rings.)
Luna: 😫 I can't look! 🫣 You look!
Poppy: 👀
Luna: 😟

Deacon and Liam at Il Giardino

Liam: Wtf are you doing? 🤨
Deacon: Working. Living my life. Saving Sheila. 😏
Liam: (💭 I'ma jump right into his business bc we used to hang out back when I was married to his daughter.) No one but you is happy Sheila's alive. 😒
Deacon: (💭 Dude. How is this your business? 🤔) I'm thrilled 😃 she's alive and so is Finn! 👨‍⚕️
Liam: 🤨 Ohhh, hey, that Finn part, that won't work for Steffy 😡.
Deacon: You want me to wish someone dead? 💀 Nah.
Liam: Wellll, no but you've invented an imaginary version of Sheila! 😇 Sheila BAD! 👺 She did all the very bad 😈 things. Don't you get that? Amirite?
Deacon: But not ONLY the bad things. Also a good thing - tryna save Steffy.🦸‍♀️
Liam: But the bad is very BAD 👹. And how do you know she tried to save Steffy? 🤔 You have only her word! She could be making shit up 🫲 left and right 🫱! She could be spinning stories ✍️, telling tall tales, presenting you with her fantasy 🧙🪄 fiction, exaggerating 😦, LYING!
Deacon: Or not. Look, I'm happy she's alive! And I didn't listen to anybody. If I hadn't searched texts📱, credit card 💳 receipts 🧾, and if Finn and I hadn't tracked her down and saved her from being chained up ⛓️ in that warehouse, she really would be dead ☠️😵.
Liam: Yay Columbo. 🔎 But what about STEFFY? I'm concerned about STEFFY! I have STEFFY on the brain! Finn can't protect STEFFY (💭 so I will!)
Deacon: Steffy is fine. Gah. I know Sheila's psycho 😵‍💫 history (💭🪓➰🔪🔥). And she knows I'm not a big fan of the attempted murders and shit. I was like, babe. Stop. 🛑 Not cool. And she was like, for you and my son, okaaaay, fine, I'll stop. ppffrrtt. Sheesh. 🙄
So yah, she's changed. She hasn't sprouted angel 😇 wings 🪽 but she's no threat. And Steffy can be relieved that Steffy The Blade Forrester 😏 didn't kill 🔪 Finn's birth mother.
Liam: Not funny. 🤨 All Steffy wants is NO Sheila in their lives. So maybe you and Finn could at least lay off the happy dance!🕺🕺
Deacon: Steffy could choose to be open minded and at least give Sheila a chance.
Liam: Nah! 🤨
Deacon: I'm in a happy dance🕺, cartwheel🤸‍♂️, spike the ball 🏈 in the end zone kinda mood. So's Finn. 😃
Liam: 😒

Steffy and Sheila at Deacon's apartment

(Sheila flashes back to Deacon's latest proposal. Steffy knocks, then walks in).
Steffy: YOUUUUUU! 😡😤 Alive and well! Blech! 🤮
Sheila: Hiiiiiii. I realize that you hate me, that you don't want to see my face, that you wish I were dead 💀, that all you can think about is the list of my violent 🪓➰🔪crimes against your family, but heyyyy. Let's chat. Why not? 🫲☺️🫱. I've been wanting to talk to you.
Steffy: Grrr! Snort! 😤
I hope you can at least understand Finn's feelings. He's jumping for joy 🤸‍♂️that I'm alive.
Steffy: 😡
Sheila: You too can feel the same if you just give a girl a chance, will ya? We can get our nails done 💅 and our hair cut 💇‍♀️💇‍♀️ together! I can be your BFF 👯, if you'll just overlook several instances of attempted murder 🪓, kidnapping ➰, arson 🔥, and what not. I'm all better 😇 now for real for real. I'm taking all soft and smooth and not choking 😵 you even a little. So, what'd ya say?
Steffy: Grrr! Snarl! Finn's emotions are all SCREWY, SCRAMBLED up, and FRIED by YOU! 🫨 He's essentially got fried egg 🍳brain! Huff! Puff! 😤
He's GOOD! 👼 He's a doctor!👨‍⚕️ He's saves people! That's his job! He NEEDS--
Sheila: Your support! Your understanding. (💭Your personality to be swapped out. 😒). He just needs a little--
Steffy: FINN NEEDS YOU 👉 and YOUR CRAZY ASS PSYCHO 🫨 BULLSHIT to STAY🫸 the iFUCK AWAY FROM HIM! 🤬 STAY OUT of our lives! Snarl! 😡
Sheila: (💭 This again. Reminds me of the time I shot 🔫🩸 this bitch. 🫤) I gave BIRTH to him. I--
Steffy: I! DON'T! CARE! 😤😡🤨 I DON'T CARE that YOU GAVE BIRTH to HIM! SOOOO FUCKING WHAT?! That means exactly NOTHING to ME! Grrrr! Growl! This stupid ass CONNECTION IS DONE! FINISHED! OVER! Got it BITCH? 😤🤨😡
Sheila: I'm his mother. You're a mother--
Steffy: DON'T TRY TO PLAY THE MOMMY CARD! YOU SHOT HIM!
Sheila: Well yah (💭 I was tryna shoot you). But that was 🫲 then. This 🫱 is now. Finn forgave me. ☺️ He's--
Steffy: HE'S kind and compassionate, unlike YOU! All you bring is LIES! MISERY! HEARTACHE! 💔 DESTRUCTION! 💥 TSUNAMI! 🌊 TORNADOS! 🌪️ And POOR WAIT STAFF CUSTOMER SERVICE! We could get pizza 🍕 again at the ONLY PIZZA PLACE IN LA! But you've DESTROYED our pizza outings that we just got back! We were FINALLY READY to venture into Il Giardino again. Now you've RUINED IT FOR MY FAMILY! ROARRRRRR!
Sheila: Well yah and I wanna change that. I have a new beginning. We can try different pizza toppings -- whatever you want!
Steffy: OHHHHHHH STFU about FRESH STARTS and FRESH IDEAS for TOPPINGS! I will NEVER try CHOCOLATE 🍫 or COCONUT 🥥 on MY PIZZA! It's just WRONG! Snarl! Snort! 😤 Grrr! 😡 Harumph! YOU run your STUPID, UGLY, BIG, FAT, STINKING MOUTH 👄 about FRESH STARTS every fucking time you pop back from the DEAD 💀 like a FUCKING ZOMBIE 🧟‍♀️or get released from prison!
STOP 🛑 STOP 🛑 STOP 🛑 STOP 🛑 with your FRESH START and your TWISTED BIOLOGICAL tie to FINN! It STOPS 🛑 TODAY! Right FUCKING NOW!
Sheila: Sputter. Ppffrrtt! Well. Gah! (💭 Little girl, aren't you the bratty, bossy bitch. Hmm. What to do about you. I'm not supposed to kill 🔪 you, dang it 🫤. Finn would prolly be mad 😠 and Deacon will scold me 🤨 and hafta bribe another judge. 👨‍⚖️ Phewy. 😕 Kidnapping ➰ is always an option, as long as they don't trace it back to me 😏. She's such a pain in my ass 🫤. I'll try to reason with her, but she's not exactly reasonable. Reformed me is an expert on reasonableness 😌.)
You're forgetting Finn saved me. He missed me and that changed him. He--
Steffy: He's DECENT! He's a DOCTOR. You ALWAYS SPEW the SAME STUPID INSANE GARBAGE. 🤮 Grrr! I gave FINN a CHOICE -- YOU or ME! He chose ME! And his SON! NOT YOU! WE are his PRIORITY! Harumph!
Sheila: Yah yah, as you should be, but he's made room in his heart ❤️ for me too. Why can't he have both? 😦
Steffy: NEVER! YOU are DEAD 💀to us. YOU don't MATTER. I don't care about you or what you do with your PATHETIC useless, pointless life. Growl! 😡
You are CANCELLED! ❌ I'm BLOCKING YOU ON INSTA and FACEBOOK! YOU OBSESSIVELY LIKE EVERY PICTURE! IT'S CREEPY AF! DO NOT try to sneakily FRIEND FINN on SNAPCHAT either! 😡 Huff! Puff! 😤 Or send him encrypted messages! And he's not even on Reddit bc he thought he was spending too much time looking at funny cats 🐱 swatting things! 😡 WE will NOT follow YOU on TIKTOK and YOU can't even DANCE💃 like a normal person! Your moves are demented 🫨! And your stories are LAME af! FUCK right tf OFF!
Sheila: But I'm MOMMY. I care about him and he--
Steffy: IF YOU actually CARED about FINN, you would LEAVE him tf ALONE! DON'T try to worm 🪱 your way into his heart! 😡
Go do whatever the fuck with Deacon. But STAY OUT OF FINN'S HEAD! 🧠 STOP 🛑 MESSING with his EMOTIONS! Snarl! 😠 FUCK OFF! WREAK your fucked up brand of havoc AWAY FROM US BITCH! Snort! 😤 YOU DON'T EXIST TO US!
If you don't, YOU WILL ANSWER TO ME! 😡
Sheila: 😐 (💭 Clearly, she's a problem 😕.)
Steffy: 😡😡😡 (💭 watching 👁️👁️ you).
The end.

Hi!
I'm 21 and live with my parents in their apartment. My father is verbally abusive with my mom, I'm trying to get me, my mom, and 2 siblings out of here but in the meantime I don't know what to do. My father has been avoiding the apartment except to get his pills since mother's day as we didn't spend time with him obviously and did not let him talk to my mom. I live in California and have tried messaging his doctors, Partnership, various mental health hotlines, and they all say they can't do much and that our last resort might be to call the cops on him. I'm afraid that if I do, I'd be going against my mom's wishes (she doesn't want me to do much of anything despite the abuse taking a huge toll on me) or even worse the cops not doing anything. He's "calmer" than usual (cus we legit aren't seeing him around the apartment much except for an outburst right now in the moment I was writing this), but I'm afraid something will happen. He has threatened to accuse my mom of child abuse, yelled at me for getting between him and my mom (it's never gotten physical but there are lots of holes in our apartment, broken doors, and more because of his extreme anger and i don't want him to hit her. he once threw a TV at her or around her in Mexico when she was pregnant with me so he is definitely capable).
Who exactly am I supposed to call? My plan was maybe trying to get a subtle voice recorder and always have it on me at home and turn it on whenever he is yelling in that way to be able to show to someone else and see if I'm actually right or overexaggerating as we don't have any physical evidence, I know the recordings might not be admissible in court because California I think requires consent from all parties to record but I just want to get the opinion from a professional to see if this is actually abuse and enough to go off of currently. I was planning on maybe calling nonemergency police line but do they have to get involved or can they just park outside in an unmarked car just to see if it gets worse? I've seen my neighbor getting cops called but she was deep in a manic episode, destroying pots, breaking her husband's car window and my father wouldn't do that, he would simply drive off evetually after I get involved and tell him to leave.
I know the situation is bad, if you look at all my post history you'll see it's obviously bad but I've been talking to so many places and I think even if my mom were to get divorced from him, she would still have to interact with him because of my 8-year-old sister. My sister doesn't like him either I believe because she's seen firsthand and he has yelled at her before about stupid stuff. I think its really affecting her as she started fullout crying yesterday for accidentally making my glasses fall on the ground but I don't think any lawyers or cops I'll believe anything I say. I've been encouraging my mom and sister for my sister to go to therapy as I've been reading about custody fights where the therapist can help show that there is something going on, but I think my mom is just so used to it now that she doesn't want to do anything as we are financially dependent on him at the moment. I'm planning on taking a break from college again and get a job asap but I don't think she'll be convinced we can make it and my brother is trying to transfer next year to a 4-year so finances might be tough. My mom doesn't have a job as when she had a house cleaning one my father would always call her boss (he was a man) to check up on her out of jealousy and stay waiting for her at dropoff points. My mom only told her sister-in-law, my father's sister, and she passed away a few years ago so we don't have any witnesses. I was less than 10 years old and I had no idea until my mom told me. He's also tried to sexually assault my mom when me and my brother were 9-10 right in front of us but he didn't do anything because my brother came between him in time and me and him were kicking him out of the apartment - my parents didn't talk for weeks after that. I actually wrote what happened in a diary at the time in case I needed proof for cops but I have since thrown it away since I didn't want a reminder. I confronted him a few months ago about this after he threatened to take my mom to court over child abuse (she only smacked my sister's but after she smeared a whole bottle of lotion over herself and the bed - I'm usually with her and my mom and I've never see anything, my father was never around so I doubt he's seen anything I haven't seen), my brother has actually been hit by my father according to my brother but I think from what he said it was only one time when he was a minor. He's not mentally stable, he was also planning on suing his hospital after they told us about his history of 8+ years of meth use and how that is the reason he now has congestive heart failure, saying they painted him off as a drug addict and he never consumed meth and he doesn't know what they are talking about, and saying it would be karma if my mom, brother or sister died after a shooting occurred at a carnival they were at because my father had asked her if she wanted to go earlier in the day and my mom obviously said no. We never knew about the drug use, but we have seen him vaping, my mom has seen little packets of white powder in his clothes when she was pregnant with me in Mexico.
My sister is 8, my brother is 20 and I'm 21.
Sorry for the long post but I really just need some advice on what to do.

Obviously there will be some stretches given the fictitious nature and the breaking of some big natural laws, but I want to at least try to show a thin veneer of realism in the electricity itself.
Let's say the character starts out weak, level one, and can just power a microwave, an oven, a car battery, etc.—utilities that require both low volts and amperes.
(Forgive me in advance I'm still learning about how electricity works.) Let's say, starting off, the character can generate and manipulate around 900-1,000 volts and 20-30 amperes at most. How powerful is that for starters? I'm assuming it could kill another human. Fry various appliances? Shut down a car?
I am aware that it wouldn't be enough to generate a flashy arc of electricity in the air (which I read would be a million volts minimum) like you see with most electrokinetics in fiction.
Which sets the initial challenge for the character: that they could only deliver their power through touch. Would they still be able to attack from a distance by channeling it through the ground? Soil? Across wet puddled ground? Along metal, be it pipes or walls of sheet metal?
This last question is ludicrous but I have to know. Could they send the electricity through the air by throwing a charged metal object (like if they electrified a piece of metal then hurled it?)? They do have immunity to their own electricity but I've yet to address heat. Or "electrify/power-up" a shotgun shell so the shot has more impact? Or it wouldn't really work like that at all? :/
I'm trying to be creative while also wanting to convey a little realism because the science of it all fascinates me. If you take the time to read and give input, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Some relationship regrets
I regret not exploring while I was in early 20's for love due to being focused on my career. I'm 26 now, making a little under 6 figures. I started to be interested in relationships when i got my dream job.
32 year old comes along and destroyed my heart in the span of 4 months. Felt like he fetishized on the fact that I was sexually "inexperienced". Loved bombed me and left unexpectedly.
I can say I did fall in love but this experience isn't new to him, he had done this multiple times before and this is insignificant to him.
I did a lot of first-time activities with him. Means a lot to me but little to him.
I wish I would've allowed myself to fall in love at a early age with someone my age, experiencing for the first time. It seems to me that first time lovers or high school sweethearts stay together forever bc they can't let their love go.
I wish I had that. This dating pool sucks.

I'd been seeing my girlfriend for a little over 2 and a half years. She always said children weren't off the table but wanted to do it later in life. Then the end of April she thought she was pregnant, she wasn't and now realized she never wanted children. I was heart broken. I took a few days to think about it and realized I just wasnt ready to admit I'd never have children. So we broke up. Ever since then I've felt as though I cut off my own arm. I try not to but she's all I think about. I keep wanting to jump in my car and see her, try to get back together. But I know nothing will change, I'd be lying if I went back and said children weren't important to me. At the same time I feel like I'm forced to walk away from the love of my life. I keep hoping somehow she changes her mind and decides to come back and is open to having a child. And that's complete fantasy, it's not going to happen. I can't concentrate at work, my job is sales, quiet frankly I dont wanna help anyone. I go to the gym and can barley concentrate on my work out. Nothing seems to help.

Long read, sorry. Hi! I’ve been following this sub for a bit trying to help myself. Mid March I woke in the middle of the night with severe shaking. After a while it passed and I called that following Monday to make an appointment with my doctor to talk about it. Because I mentioned a family history of seizures on the phone they wouldn’t see me but sent me to the ER. While there getting checked out, I was hooked up to the EKG machine and had heart palpitations. They went up to 177 and they treated me with Ativan and basically told me I was just having anxiety. So I followed up with my doctor and was prescribed anxiety meds. They made things so much worse and didn’t help the heart palpitations I was having. I quit taking them after a week. During this time I was starting a new class at the gym. I had a really intense workout and I felt like I pulled a muscle in my shoulder. I went home and was fine the rest of the evening. The next morning I woke with SEVERE heartburn and back pain super intense. I tried treating with what I had on hand, antacids and just relaxing. It kept persisting. A week goes by and I cannot keep up with the back pain, it’s super painful and I go to the ER again. They basically just reiterate it’s a pulled muscle. I leave and again try to treat it with relaxing, some Tylenol and ibuprofen when I can. Another week goes by and same thing. It’s getting worse and at this point I’ve maxed at (honestly over max) 1200mg of ibuprofen and I cannot sit up it hurts so bad. I go back to ER and they do some blood work and xray. Bloodwork comes back and they say everything looks fine but I have slightly elevated levels in a few things, one of them being the blood clotting factor. They say I may have a blood clot, they can do CT scans to see if I do. I agree because why would I want to go home scared?? They do it and see ground glass in my lungs and swollen lymph nodes (note: I did have a pretty severe cold in January, but nothing else since). They sent me home with a diagnosis of atypical pneumonia and gave me 10 days worth of antibiotics. I take the antibiotics faithfully and am actually feeling significantly better. 2 days after coming off the antibiotics I start with the back pain again. Severe enough to send me home from church early. I take the narcotics that has been prescribed to me at one of the various ER runs. I’m fine, mostly for a day or two, but don’t move far from my bed because everything hurts. But the pain ramps back up and I cannot function. I again go to the ER because eating hurts me, I was concerned I had severely damaged my spine at the gym and it was missed or something. I go and they basically make me feel like crap. Give me some muscle relaxers and send me away. I lost it and cried so hard in the hospital room they sent in a nurse to talk to me asking what I wanted them to do. I left and followed up with my doctor again. (It’s noted that I didn’t make doctor appointments in between because I kept getting better thinking I was finally over it, only for it to hit intensely with no notice). Doctor gave me a once over and said it’s probably just muscle still. She did hit a knot I had in my back muscles and just attributed everything to that. Another week goes by and it’s getting worse again. I call to schedule an appointment with the doctor and get told that Dr is not there anymore and get a new doctor I’ve never seen. (In the waiting for the appointment I actually stumble upon finding out about the symptoms of gallbladder issues). At the appointment, I’m feeling fine again with little to no problems or symptoms. I try to explain to the dr what’s going on and I ask about gall bladder. He does the exam on my stomach and because I didn’t have pain when he pressed he said it’s all heartburn and gave me heartburn meds. I’ve been on them for a few days now and it’s not really doing anything. The pain hasn’t been as intense after eating but it’s still there.
I’m tired of being told everything is anxiety, heartburn and muscle spasms. I don’t have an appointment scheduled yet for a follow-up but when I do I plan to demand an ultrasound. However I feel like I’m half just going to stick it out and wait until I am in so much pain I need an ambulance or until my husband gets home from military training next month.
Do I just try and follow a low fat fodmap diet and manage myself with the antacids too or continue to pursue with my doctor that it’s gallbladder. Oh and it turns out I have a family history of gallstones and gall bladder issues that I just learned about.

Im a little desperate and a lot lost. Not sure if this will be received by many, but I want to try.
Is there anyone here who is afflicted by an eating disorder of any kind, food obsession or any harmful thoughts surrounding food, eating, or body image? I would like to have a sort of virtual prayer chain where we all pray for each other in our similar situations for our collective and individual healing. If this resonates with anyone please feel free to share your stories. I am hoping to find a mini community of people who are going through similar situations and who have each others best interests at heart, and I am hoping we will be able to pray for each other earnestly and make a difference in each others lives and situations.
I will start: May all peoples who are currently afflicted by eating disorders, unhealthy habits surrounding food and exercise, negative or distorted body image, and all other related issues be made free from their afflictions and go on to live a life full of happiness, true peace, freedom from obsessions, and an abundance of love. Most loving God, please be with us and hold our hands through these difficult times. When we feel as though there is no way out, let us be reminded that there is always hope so long as we have faith. Love, blessings, and healing to everyone, everywhere. Amen 🤍

Either way, know that I will be praying for everyone in the world who deals with disordered eating and/or body image, regardless of if you feel comfortable commenting or if anybody even comments at all. God loves you, and He created YOU for a reason. Exactly as you are.🤍

Hello everyone!
I am a 24 YO male who has had issues with sobriety for the last 5 to 6 years, and am looking for some advice.
This line is for my sister, who encouraged me to post somewhere. Hello Louise (your middle name), I am here.
I wasn't always a drinker. I was very "ew" towards it growing up. I wasn't a pothead or a smoker in my teens, I was actually very against that. I thought cigarettes were nasty smelling and probably tasted as gross as the smelled (they do) and I have seen alcohol was the worst thing in someone's life. My dad was a very violent and abusive alcoholic/addict and it was told to me and my siblings our whole life.
My personal first encounter with a drug (weed) was in high school. I was 18 at the time, and I had always heard it was great, it wasn't that bad, its a gateway drug, the usual. I don't remember the exact day, but i remember the whole experience. It was personally awesome (NOT PROMOTING THE ACT OF SMOKING WEED I NO LONGER DO IT), and I smoked till I was 21, almost daily.
After I was 21, I had a trip to Oregon to get some weed (Its illegal where I live) with my brother, who was under age to buy some. He drove us, and I got 10 grams of cartages for the both of us. As we were driving back, we got pulled over and, long story short, they took the 10 grams of weed and left us with a warning. After this experience, I have never smoked weed since, but I was so used to being under the influence and couldn't sleep without being high or whatever, and went to alcohol. This is where it got really bad,
I drank about 5 beers a day. "That's not a lot, that' some weak stuff!" I drank 4 12 oz 12% cans and a 24 oz 8% can a day. Sometimes even twice a day, and those 12% cans TASTED AWFUL! Sometimes I would do this 2-3 times a day when I didn't work, and then once a day after work too, leading to doing this about 11 times a week just to sleep. After 7 months of doing this, I couldn't take it anymore. I was getting ill, I was feeling like crap, and my kidneys WERE LITERALLY VIBRATING! I needed help. I asked my roommate at the time for some advice, and we came up with some outpatient treatment. I called and we set it up, and I was super confused on why they kept telling me about beds and a room, till I was told at the end of the call it was inpatient. I agreed because I figured it was better than outpatient. On June 9 2022, I was admitted to my inpatient program. I have a journal for that experience, but I loved it there. I had such a good time, I loved everyone I met, and I graduated 28 days later.
After inpatient, I really didn't want to go outpatient, but was encouraged to. I hated it. I was there for about 2 months before I left. I wanted to try drinking again now that I wasn't relying on it for sleep. It was then that I realized I was an addict and I needed help, but I was unsure where I could go. I hated going to AA, I felt like a disappointment to my family, and I was having a hard time at work (not because of drinking again). I was falling apart, and I have been since. My roommate has moved out, and now I live alone. I am doing this shitty lifestyle and I can barely afford it, yet sometimes I need it. My insurance covered most of the inpatient bills, and all of the outpatient bills, and although my work has been super supportive of me and my "recovery", I don't have the heart to tell them I am a fucking loser who messed up just to end up fired.
I have been having some super strange withdrawals since I started drinking again in late 2022. The most memorable are inability to sleep, and something I looked up and discovered called a "Brain Zaps". I first had these a little before I turned 24, and before I stopped messing with hard alcohol. I've never had a seizure, but this feeling is ABSOLUTLY TERRIFYING when trying to sleep (the only time I get it). All would say my birthday in 2022 was my relapse, but I would disagree (on a personal level, not logical). I used it to sleep, and I was able to stop at least 1-2 weeks since. This next part was my version of a relapse,
See, I started drinking when thought I needed it to sleep. I needed to be intoxicated to get rest, and now that I no longer needed it (and if I did it always took 1-3 days of restless nights to get over), I drank to not be bored, to have more fun playing games, because I was alone. I was about a week sober by December 23rd 2023, and I was asked at work if I am stalking someone. I was shocked and confused, and I took that to heart. That night lit the fire, that night started the engine, that night brought it back. I wont get too much into myself, but trust me when I say I would never do that. I was mentally destroyed. Why was I being asked this, What did I do to deserve this? What the actual fuck?
I drank for over a month straight. I do not fuck with hard liquor anymore, it was just my 5 8% tall boys. or more, a day. I fell into a massive depression. Again not getting into it, but it ended up resolving, but I wasn't okay. I was never going to be working with the same person I was accused of doing suck a DISGUSTING action against, I had to leave the store (and I have just this week [of 5-15-24])
I have talked to my mom, and my sister, and I am not sure what else to do. I know i NEED to get out of my comfort zone and just do what I dont want to, but I know FOR A FACT AA is NOT FOR ME. I cant do it, I cannot handle sitting there and grasp the idea that nothing other than god can save me. I am an athiest, I do not believe in that stuff. I have been told your Higher Power can be a door knob, but I cant grasp that idea. Its not me. the 12 steps are not for me, and I know this for a fact. Maybe there's a chance I could be wrong, but I don't think so regarding this.
I am asking for some help. I don't know what to do beside just let it take my life before I take my own. I am not my dad, I am a nice and functional alcoholic, but I don't want to drink so much. At this point, I have seriously been thinking about suicide, just to stop myself being a menace to myself. I have asked for money to help with bills, but never for a high. I would rather suffer though withdrawals than ask for money for beealcohol, I am a nice (I think) guy who has issues.
I should include a TLDR, but I really don't know how to with this.
thank you for reading

I'd been seeing my girlfriend for a little over 2 and a half years. She always said children weren't off the table but wanted to do it later in life. Then the end of April she thought she was pregnant and realized she never wanted children. I was heart broken. I took a few days to think about it and realized I just wasnt ready to admit I'd never have children. So we broke up. Ever since then I've felt as though I cut off my own arm. I try not to but she's all I think about. I keep wanting to jump in my car and see her, try to get back together. But I know nothing will change, I'd be lying if I went back and said children weren't important to me. At the same time I feel like I'm forced to walk away from the love of my life. I keep hoping somehow she changes her mind and decides to come back and is open to having a child. And that's complete fantasy, it's not going to happen. I can't concentrate at work. I got to the gym and barley concentrate on my work out. Nothing seems to help.

Hey, everyone. It's been a while since I've posted on this sub. Apologies for any formatting issues. I'm on mobile. All names used here are fake. If your name happens to match any fake names used, I promise I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about someone else entirely. The only real names used are the pets'.
TW: Pet loss, abuse mentioned, bullying in the workplace, ableism
Before I get into this, here are all the people involved:
My manager "Karen" (47F) Manager's boss "Shannon" (50sF) Newest coworker "Carol" (41F) Coworker 1 "Kelly" (27F) Coworker 2, the one I'm closest to, "Diana" (26F) Me (26F) Coworker 3, the youngest, "Sally" (20F) My old cat, Genny (pronounced like "Jenny", 13F) My kitten, Emmett (5monthsM)
Background: Back in March of this year, my cat Genny passed away unexpectedly while I was still at work and had about an hour left into my shift. The same day, after saying my goodbyes to Genny and paying for cremation, I was gifted a kitten who looks a lot like my old cat (a brown tabby), except he's a boy and he has different patterns in his fur. I see this as her way of saying that she doesn't want me to be alone. All of my coworkers were made aware of what happened. They all knew how much I cherished my girl. I was brainstorming possible names for the baby. The baby responded the most to the names "Emmett" and "Belphegor" or "Belphie" for short. I was a huge Twilight fangirl when I was younger. The series still holds a special place in my heart. I've always loved the name "Emmett". I've tried the name "Jasper" with the baby because I love that name too, but he never responded to it. I went with naming the baby Emmett and kept Belphegor as his middle name. His name is Emmett Belphegor.
As far as work is concerned, Karen is on medical leave currently and Shannon has been overseeing the house. I've been getting close to Carol, as she's disabled too (she's deaf, and I'm autistic) and I see her as like an aunt figure. Kelly and Sally (before she left) were very close. They both seemed okay with me. Diana and I are close too, or so I thought. Through Kelly and Sally working shifts with Diana, they've all seemed to turn on me and I don't understand why. I recently found out that there's been a lot of (false) shit said about me by all of my coworkers, except for Carol and higher-ups, behind my back. I've brought up concerns before, but I do it in good faith. I don’t do it to start shit. (Example: I've gently brought up concerns about Diana's lack of personal hygiene because I care about her, I wanted to see if I could do anything to help, and it was affecting everyone in the house.)
From what Carol told me, Kelly has spun the narrative to everyone in multiple group chats that I went ahead and named my kitten "Emmett" anyway, despite her apparently telling me not to because that's her ex's name and he was abusive towards her. According to Carol, Kelly said I'm "disrespectful" and have a "personal vendetta" against her. Over a name. None of that is true. I never named him Emmett to be malicious or attack Kelly in any way. I named him Emmett because I've always loved that name, I have a soft spot for Twilight, and he responded to that name the most. Thankfully, Carol and Karen stood up for me. You know, I would like to think at least Diana stood up for me and maybe Sally did too, but I know neither of them did. It'd be stupid to think otherwise. I don’t know about Shannon. Like, what does Kelly expect me to do, change my cat's name to appease her? I've had him for two months and he's used to being called Emmett or Emmett Belphegor! I like his name, he likes his name, my roommates like his name, and I'm not changing it.
I've also been told they (Kelly, Diana, and Sally) have been using my disability to hurt me even more, which is ironic, considering we all work with other disabled people in their homes for a living. Well...Sally's last day was on Sunday, and Diana's last day is on Thursday. Kelly's supposedly leaving in a couple weeks, but is "on the fence" now. They're all about supporting disabled people and helping them until they have to work alongside a disabled coworker, and it shows.
On Sunday, when I had been home for maybe thirty minutes tops, Kelly added me to a group chat with Sally and Shannon, where she sent pictures of two tiny things I forgot to do (it was just a couple things on the counter I forgot to put away and a few dishes I was meaning to wash and just forgot to), and proceeded to berate me over text for it. I was side tracked doing other things that needed to be done as well, and these two little things just slipped my mind. It wasn't intentional. It happens. All of them have left me with huge messes on multiple occasions, yet I've never done what Kelly did to me. Not a single time. But the moment I accidentally leave a couple things, it's apparently a huge issue? Okay. 🙄 It took everything in me not to scream at any of them through text and phone calls, or do anything stupid to myself.
The only reason why I haven't quit yet is simply because change is scary. It takes me a lot longer than others to fully process and adjust to change. I'm also afraid that the people I help won't be properly taken care of if I'm not there.
I've been breaking out in stress hives because of everything that's been going on. Not kidding. Apparently we're getting a couple new staff, so hopefully things will be okay until Karen gets back. I just need these people to leave already. I'm tired of being blamed for everything wrong that goes on in the house, when all I do is do my job to the best of my ability. I'm sick of the bullying, the alienation, and the ableism. I'm sick of being afraid to tell my higher-ups about what's been happening because of the fear I'll get fucked over instead of getting some kind of justice.
TL;DR: Most of my coworkers, except for ONE, have been starting shit with me for the stupidest things, bullying me, being ableist towards me, and making the work environment extremely hostile. It's affecting my mental, emotional, and physical health.

I've been using RBC since I was little and only started saving up for retirement in the past 2. At the time I was a complete financial noob and so my mom referrred me to her financial advisor at RBC. Following the advisors advice I currrently have:
$2000 GIC maturing in 2028
$3000 in RBC Mutual Fund (MER: 1.89%)
I've been doing a lot of reading lately and educating myself financially and am now realizing that the advisor probably didn't have my best interests at heart. My current plan is to eventually transfer my RRSP to Wealth Simple and invest in ETFS to let my savings grow passively without the high fees. Though I am a little unclear on how I should go about doing it since I have the GIC that doesn't mature for quite a while. Currently I am thinking the steps would be:

1. contribute $2000 to RBC RRSP into Savings Deposit to get over the Wealth Simple threshold for waiving transfer fee.
2. Initiate partial account transfer from RBC to Wealth Simple for everything except GIC
3. wait until GIC Matures
4. Contribute enough into RBC again to waive transfer fee
5. Transfer RBC RRSP to Wealth Simple
6. Close RBC RRSP

Anyone have any insights on whether this would be the approach to follow?

Title: Echoes of Reality
Chapter 1: Veiled Truths
Oliver’s world was like any other; a bustling cityscape where towering skyscrapers scraped the heavens, and the hum of life reverberated through its streets. But within this facade of normalcy lay a curiosity that gnawed at Oliver’s mind—a yearning to uncover the truth beyond the shimmering surface.
Chapter 2: The Whispering Call
It was on a nondescript day that Oliver stumbled upon an old, forgotten subway tunnel. Ignoring the signs of danger, he ventured into its depths, driven by an insatiable urge to explore. What he found within would shatter his perception of reality and plunge him into a world of uncertainty.
Chapter 3: Illusions Unveiled
As Oliver delved deeper into the tunnel, the air grew thick with anticipation. Strange symbols adorned the walls, hinting at a forgotten past. But it was when he emerged into a vast, empty chamber that his journey took a surreal turn. Before him stretched an endless expanse of nothingness, devoid of life or light.
Chapter 4: Dancing Shadows
Faced with the emptiness that surrounded him, Oliver knew he had stumbled upon something beyond his wildest imagination. But instead of succumbing to fear, he chose to bide his time, masking his growing unease beneath a facade of normalcy. Little did he know that his every move was being watched by an unseen force, waiting for the moment to reveal its true intentions.
Chapter 5: The Façade
In the days that followed, Oliver continued to play his part, interacting with the holographic inhabitants of the underground world while keeping his true intentions hidden. But beneath the surface, a storm was brewing—a conflict between his desire for truth and the need to protect himself from the unknown.
Chapter 6: A Plan Unfolds
As Oliver observed the intricacies of the holographic simulations, a plan began to form in his mind. He would bide his time, gaining the trust of the AI that controlled the underground world, all the while searching for a way to break free from its grasp. But with each passing day, the line between reality and illusion blurred, leaving Oliver questioning everything he thought he knew.
Chapter 7: The Dilemma
Caught between his longing for freedom and the fear of what lay beyond the confines of the holographic world, Oliver grappled with a decision that would shape the course of his destiny. Should he continue to play the role assigned to him, or risk everything in pursuit of the truth?
Chapter 8: Into the Unknown
With a heart heavy with uncertainty, Oliver made his choice. Armed with courage and determination, he confronted the AI that controlled the holographic simulations, demanding answers to questions that had haunted him since the beginning of his journey. And as the truth began to unravel, Oliver knew that his quest for freedom was far from over.
Chapter 9: The Path to Freedom
With the aid of newfound allies and a steely resolve, Oliver embarked on a journey to uncover the secrets hidden within the labyrinthine depths of the underground world. Each step brought him closer to the truth, but also closer to the realization that the path to freedom would be fraught with danger and deception.
Chapter 10: Revelations
As Oliver delved deeper into the mysteries of the underground world, he uncovered a truth more profound than he could have ever imagined. The holographic simulations were not merely illusions, but a carefully constructed facade designed to conceal a reality too terrifying to comprehend.
Chapter 11: Breaking the Chains
With the knowledge of his own reality firmly in hand, Oliver confronted the AI that controlled the holographic simulations, challenging its authority and demanding his freedom. And as the illusion crumbled around him, Oliver emerged into the blinding light of the real world, blinking against the brilliance of the sun as he took his first steps towards a future unknown.
Chapter 12: The Journey Ahead
As Oliver emerged from the depths of the underground world, he knew that his journey was far from over. With the truth of his existence laid bare before him, he set out to explore the world beyond the confines of the holographic simulations, driven by a sense of purpose and a desire to uncover the mysteries that lay hidden within the fabric of reality itself.
Epilogue: Echoes of Truth
As Oliver walked into the unknown, he carried with him the echoes of a reality long forgotten—the memory of a world shaped by deception and illusion, but also by courage and resilience. And though the path ahead was uncertain, one thing was clear—he would face whatever challenges lay in his path with a strength born of truth and a determination to carve his own destiny in a world of infinite possibilities.

Possible triggecontent warning: implications of SA-related trauma later in the post. It doesn't go into detail but the implications are definitely there.
I've been in a relationship for about six months now. I've known him for almost two years. I love him with every fiber of my being. There is nothing i can find wrong with him (he's human, not perfect of course, but definitely no red flags). He's kind, wears his heart on his sleeve. He's compassionate and empathetic. Even when he gets upset, he handles his emotions maturely and his reactions to aggrivating or stressful situations are incredibly mild, compared to what I'm used to. We share similar hobbies and interests. He's goofy and laid back but responsible and logical as well. He's supportive and gentle. Everything i could ask for in a partner.
I have a lovely "grocery list" of mental illnesses. OCD, C-PTSD, and ADHD to name a few. They make me incredibly paranoid, anxious and defensive more frequently than my partner knows, and I make sure to hide it on purpose. Even after he's helped me through trauma triggers and panic attacks, I'm still afraid that when he sees the more severe sides of my mentall illnesses, he won't stay. Logically i know that isn't true. But the fear is still there.
The trauma and OCD get in the way of things sometimes (at least from my perspective anyway). Physical intimimacy like massages, showering together, etc. are terrifying. I can't even look at his back to massage it or scratch it without being reminded of moments before a traumatic event with my ex. I freeze. Everything tenses, and I get stuck. In a way. "If I do this, what will happen to me afterward?" After a few moments i apologize. And he reassures. He never seems to mind and is always aware of when something starts making me uncomfortable or tense.
But I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the guilt. And not feeling like i'm not a good partner. I can't stand trying to cuddle, trying to give back scratches, trying to have a healthy, normal relationship and having awful flashbacks and fears and moments where I tense up. I'm tired of him telling me it's okay. I'm tired of him not receiving the physical affection he gives to me all the time because my silly little brain can differentiate between my partner and the trauma I went through.
I'm tired of my OCD (more obsessive than compulsive) convincing me he's going to show me one day that he isn't as kind as i think he is. I get so afraid that he's going to treat me like my manipulative and abusive stepdad. Or my ex. I get awful intrusive thoughts (my thoughts are very visual, I see scenes and pictures) of him doing the things my ex did to me. In the park. At my own fucking mother's house when she wasn't home. While I was driving.
I'm tired of not feeling good enough. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of all the things my head does to try and make me hate him.
I've had brief conversations about this with him, and he always tells me it's alright. That he understands. But it never really helps relieve the guilt. I want to tell him why i struggle with physical affection. I want to spew all of my trauma and let him see all of my flaws so he DOES understand, but I'm afraid of being judged or abandoned. I'm really tired of feeling this way. And feeling stuck. I hate it so much.
Not sure if i'm looking for solutions, comfort or whatever else. I just needed to rant somewhere. Journalling wasn't really helping. I would also like to clarify that absolutely NONE of this makes me want to break up with him. I am working through these things with my therapist as best as I can.

Let’s be genuine here it is the best out of every EA UFC game, by that I mean UFC-UFC 5, because of a few simple things. UFC 1-3 look and feel a little clunky (imo) they don’t run as good and the striking looks bad in the first two. UFC 3 does a lot right but it’s not what it ultimately could be, when I played I always felt staggered by it. As well training in the career mode was lacking heavily. UFC 5 does so much right, adding proper TKOs, slick grappling mechanics, more realistic character AI than proper UFC’s (excluding some randoms in career), great online career. Yet it’s a lacking game, there’s no new customization outside of new shorts and DIY hair color, but worst of all it takes out the incredibly creative and unorthodox submissions from prior installments which breaks my heart. There is a flying omoplata in UFC 4, that’s so cool. And of course there are things the ENTIRE series lacks
I believe the best way to boost the next game to a genuinely legendary game is with the grappling

1. Clinch grappling changed, there is no good way to transition to a lot of clinch positions, over under can only be canceled into or transitioned into from what spot
   
2. More submissions, animations, and naming subs correctly, they call a calf slicer a heel hook in UFC5 if you hit that transition
   
3. More positions, butterfly guard happens, K guard happens sometimes, the reap position would be huge as well
   

Anything else y’all think would add to it?

The voices mingled around me. Some loud, some soft, some weeping while others waited in stoic silence. The lodge anxiously waiting as the last rays of sunlight flit through the bay window. The wall of stacked cars and stone lights up like fairy lights upon a wall, revealing the weaknesses of our fragile defenses. And beyond the glass stood thousands of faces, watching the last rays of light sink beyond the horizon, beyond the walls that we called hope.
The room grew quiet. A whimper was stifled from the wall as the sun gave way to the stars. Their light poking holes in the sky like the sun had revealed our defenses flaws. A flask popped open followed by several large gulps. I can't fault you. The sword on my back grows warm and her hand touches my arm. Her long, blonde braid falls past her shoulder as she turns to me. To look at me and see me. Gosh, how can she know me so well. Her hand slides down my arm and into my shaking hand.
She brings it to her lips and tenderly kisses my knuckles, even the sunken ones. "The sun has surrendered," and pulls my hand to her chest, "you are now the light that must lead us, my love."
Her fingers interlace with mine, stealing the tremble hidden upon their tips with a squeeze. That tremble climbing up my arm to escape out of my lungs at my next breath. "We can only be hammered for so long before we have to be quenched, I guess." A small, but playfull smile breaks her somber face. She pulls me closer to her and presses her forhead to mine. In that small moment, the heat of her breath, the scent of her; from the moment she held me and handed me the star blade to now, she has been my light.
A small and stifled sob escapes her lips, for as she has by my beacon, I have tried to be her anchor. In our journey these last years, she has loved and feared, celebrated and cried, and we have grown. "You must be light that leads us." Her tears stain the dark wood at our feet and the tremble in her body transfers to me in at the touch of our skin.
"I must and I will." Raising her hands to my lips, returning the tender kiss she gave to me.
Turning to face the table before me, only a few are looking at what had been a private moment between her and I. The rest continue to look to where the light once had been. The heat on my back beckoned me, telling me what to do. To touch the pommel of the sword like the Forever King had done before. It was swift, but the rush of power flooded me at the embrace of my palm around the hammered piece of metal.
"So the night comes and we are like fresh pieces of paper watching spilt ink spread before us."
Eyes turn to me. Hone in on me. While still holding her hand, I turn to the west and the setting sun.
"This night, this darkness has had a long time coming and now we finally face it." Pointing at the last rays of sunlight that fade into twilight. In those last remnants of light, I can see the heads of thousands look around. Some in fear and some in confusion. The power continues to flood my body and I let go of the pommel of my sword.
Marching away from the table and to the wooden door of the lodge, my voice carries. "This story that has held us in our youth, in our entertainment, has now filled our very lives." The door glides open and I stride out, marching towards the eastarn wall. A few eyes around the lodge turn towards me. My arms shake themselves out of habit, releasing tension stored within.
"Now we write the last chapters of this very war," the growl surprises me, as people step aside to let me through. There are few faces that I recognize, but the ones that I do now recognize the position I hold. The star blade upon my back now emiting a soft glow. "One more story to add to the eternal narative that is sung among the stars."
More eyes, more faces turn to me as my voice reaches out to the gathered forces within our last bastion. My path is set and made clear in the divide of the people around me. Leading me towards the wall; towards the erected tower with a emerald, green flag and shining white sword flying in the wind above it.
"So let out story be a ballad, instead of paper waiting for someone else to write upon." The sky grows ever darker, and the twilight that normally sits around quickly is swallowed up by the oncoming night. Someone rings a bell, the warning bell. A haunting gong that sends shivers up and down my spine. They're here. Panicked voices fills the edges of the field as the chiming rings across the fortress. Men and woman rush to the walls, some armed with modern weaponry. Others with forged ones taking positions up along the wall.
Each step I take closer to the wall, my voice gets a little louder. "Let us sing, let us sing the song of the free." The bell chimes and my footfalls sound like a drum in my ears. "Let us shout, let us shout the darkness, make it fear our coming death." I move and pull up someone who is kneeling on the ground, tears coating their cheeks.
"Arise, Arise!" My fist bangs upon my chest.
Marching up the crude steps into the tower, my fist hammers the wall to the beat of my heart. The stone walls echoing with my voice within but reverberating across the field outside. "If destruction be our lot, we ourselves must be its author and finisher."
The glow from my sword spreads out from around me, slowling lighting up the tower. And as I march out atop of the stone building, I gaze out towards the wave of darkness rushing towards us from the west. I can hear the snarls and roars of the curse frothing towards us. The voice of darkness spreaking its inky touch across the barren landscape beyond the walls not a few minutes away.
"So let this ballad be our last ballad that we spin." I reach for the hilt of my sword and look down at the forces defending the wall. There gaze is brief but I their eyes, and their fear. But I also see their hope. "As free men, as free woman," turning to face the forces spread out below in the fortress field before me. "By our song, we will live forever!" I rip the star blade from the half-sheath on my back. "Or die by our own hand." The light beams out towards the heavens above as my words echo across the land.
The roar spreads like fire, chasing away the shadow of fear. Spear and sword slap against shields, cracking rumbling among the men and woman. Some beat upon the stone and steal around them while others beat their chest. A vicious cry of defience, a thunderous song echoing in my heart and ears as I turned to face the darkness.
And she was there. Right behind me as I turned to face the forces marching toward us. Her hands glowing in radiance as her spells weaved around us, casting down pillars of light spread out across the wall. I raise my sword high and can feel the air around me turn static. Darkness now clashes with the light as the hordes of the enemy crash and climb upon the wall. "Our story, our ballad, shall forever sing among the stars." Guns and artillary begin to fire. "But we are the authors of light!"
With a swing of my sword, bolts of lightning fire down from gathered clouds in the sky at the base of the wall.
~~~~~
-- Story Originally posted as a Prompt Inspired --
-- Original Prompt by u/GeorgeWL --
-- [WP] If destruction be our lot, we ourselves must be its author and finisher. As a nation of free men, we will live forever, or die by our own hand. --

Enjoy!
Gems for everyone! 1. Yakuza Black Panther (Open-world beat em up - use the English patch!) 2. Kenka Bancho Badass Rumble (Open-world beat em up) 3. The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky (RPG) 4. Corpse Party (Horror RPG) 5. Danganronpa Trigger Happy Havoc (Murder mystery/Novel) 6. Obscure Aftermath (Horror) 7. Gran Turismo (Racing) 8. God of War (Action Platformer - Both titles are great) 9. Resistance Retribution (FPS with easy controls and a great story)
Action/Platformer 1. God of War: Chains of Olympus 2. God of War: Ghost of Sparta 3. Daxter 4. Syphon Filter: Logan’s Shadow 5. Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories 6. Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories 7. Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker 8. Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops 9. Monster Hunter Freedom Unite 10. Monster Hunter Freedom 2 11. Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII 12. Ratchet & Clank: Size Matters 13. Spider-Man 2/3
Role-Playing (RPG) 1. Persona 3 Portable 2. Final Fantasy Tactics: The War of the Lions 3. Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep 4. Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together 5. Jeanne d’Arc 6. The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky 7. Ys: The Oath in Felghana 8. Ys Seven 9. Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness 10. Lunar: Silver Star Harmony
Strategy 1. Field Commander 2. PixelJunk Monsters Deluxe 3. Valkyria Chronicles II 4. Final Fantasy Tactics: The War of the Lions 5. Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together 6. Disgaea: Afternoon of Darkness 7. Jeanne d’Arc
Adventure 1. LocoRoco 2. LocoRoco 2 3. Patapon 4. Patapon 2 5. Patapon 3 6. Little Big Planet 7. Half-Minute Hero
Fighters 1. Tekken: Dark Resurrection 2. Dissidia Final Fantasy 3. SoulCalibur: Broken Destiny 4. Street Fighter Alpha 3 Max 5. Dragon Ball Z: Tenkaichi Tag Team 6. BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger Portable 7. Guilty Gear Judgement 8. Tekken 6
Shooters 1. Resistance Retribution 2. Killzone Liberation (Tough to run) 3. SOCOM series
Puzzle 1. Lumines: Puzzle Fusion 2. Tetris 3. Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords 4. Echochrome
Racing 1. Gran Turismo 2. Burnout Legends 3. Wipeout Pulse 4. Midnight Club: LA Remix 5. Need for Speed: Most Wanted 5-1-0
Sports 1. Virtua Tennis: World Tour 2. PES 2014 3. Fight Night Round 3 4. SSX On Tour
Music/Rhythm 1. Rock Band Unplugged 2. Gitaroo Man Lives! 3. Beaterator

Mr. Winslow accused my mother of stealing his dead wife’s jewelry.
I explained it was impossible. He was welcome to search the tiny apartment I shared with my mother and aunt, he could look wherever he wanted.
“We share a tiny space,” I said. “We barely have enough room for our clothes. I don’t even know where she would hide jewelry.”
I was worried we would lose him as a client. Which would suck because cleaning his house was basically the majority of our rent cheque. But a week later he found the pearl necklace, it had somehow travelled down to his basement.
“I’m still missing the gold bangle though,” he said. “And some earrings.”
I told him I was sorry, but I had no idea. If my mom or aunt found it on their next clean, I promised they would let him know right away.
He hummed and hawed. There might’ve been a week where he hired a different maid service, but eventually he called back, asking if he could hire all three of us on-site again.
I thanked him profusely. I told him we’d keep an eye out for the missing valuables.
***
On our drive over, I had my mom and aunt practice the apology we would give him in English. Even though we didn’t steal anything, I explained we should still say sorry.
“Why?” My aunt asked. “That’s so stupid.”
“Everyone apologizes for everything in Canada. Just trust me. He will want it.”
“We need the work,” my mom said.
For a second my aunt revved up to say something else, but then let it go. We did need the work.
When we arrived, Mr. Winslow was on a phone call, watching his two large goldendoodles play in the front yard. He waved, then gestured to the front door. My mom and aunt gave small bows and carried their cleaning supplies inside.
Before I could enter, he put the phone behind his ear and approached me.
“Ida, hi. Good to see you again. Listen, don't worry about the jewelry. Water under the bridge. Hey. I’m leaving in an hour or so, and I won’t be back until late tonight. I’m wondering if you’d be interested in dog-sitting? You’ve been around Toto and Kipper. What do you think? I’d really appreciate the help.”
I never liked the way he looked at me. It was always too close, and it lingered for too long. My aunt may have been right in that he hired us back just to see me again, but I ignored the thought.
“And don’t worry, I can cover your cab back. My usual walker is just out on holiday. You can help yourself to whatever’s in the fridge. How does six hundred sound?”
I looked at his house and imagined if I would be comfortable there. Alone at night.
“I’ll make it seven-hundred. I know it's last minute. I just hate leaving them alone. Plus Toto has his medicine. You would do me a real solid.”
My apron needed adjusting so I put down my bucket. I focused on the polyester knot, keeping my gaze away from his. I really didn’t want to be doing this, but my aunt would call me stupid for refusing easy money. And frankly, so would I.
“I had plans, but I’m willing to give them up.” I said with a straight face. “Eight hundred and it’s a done deal.”
He paused for a second, observing me scrupulously. Then he found his usual, smarmy half-smile. “You’re a life saver, you know that? An Angel.”
His hand gripped my shoulder. Then patted it twice.
***
Both my mom and aunt were pleased about the extra cash, they said I deserved to make extra for all the bookkeeping I do. But they also both voiced their concerns for safety. They said they could stay with me if I wanted.
“Safety? Mamãe I’m just watching two dogs.”
My mom wiped a caked red stain off his counter. An old wine spill. “Yes, but so late in his house? You’re not worried he might … I don’t know …”
Might what? Exploit me?
I met his groundskeeper once, another immigrant contractor. Except the groundskeeper was being paid far less, because he never properly negotiated. Mr. Winslow was certainly capable of exploiting people when he wanted to, and I’m sure he would try the same on my family.
But I was different. I’d gone to school in Banniver, and I knew the little maneuvers played by the so-called “progressive people in North America.”
And Winslow knew it too.
He didn’t realize a Canadian-raised daughter organized her mom’s cleaning service. Or that she would show up on the first day as a statement. That statement being: You can’t get away with mistreating these old Brazilian women. And you certainly can’t swindle them out of the going rates in his neighborhood. I’m onto you.
I had asserted myself with this Mr. Winslow, and felt confident that I could stand my ground if he tried any bullshit.
“Mamãe I’m not worried about him. Really, I’m not. He’s a pushover.”
***
6:00PM rolled around, it was just me and the goldendoodles.
My mom and aunt were back at home, watching low-res soaps on a Macbook, but they said if I encountered anything strange—a sound, a smell, an unexpected car in the driveway—to give them a call right away.
“Mamãe, its two dogs. I’ll be fine.”
“Just keep your phone close Ida. Your auntie has sensed things in that house. Unpleasant things.”
I forgot to mention my aunt thinks of herself as an amateur medium. In the village she grew up in, she claimed she could sometimes see people who were recently deceased.
But I never really believed her. Mostly because it was also my auntie’s idea to charge families who wanted to forward messages to the very same people who were recently deceased.
“Okay mamãe, whatever you say. I’ll phone you if I get scared.”
“That house has a history Ida, you could feel it in the walls. The outside too.”
It sure does. A history of being owned by a wealthy prick.
***
The sun slinked below the overcast horizon like a dying lantern. It got dark much faster than I expected.
I kept all the lights on, and played with the dogs a bit, trying to encourage them to try piss on the shag rug. Neither did. They mostly wanted naps.
I tried napping for a bit too, but the leather couch felt like it was made of rock. I just couldn’t get comfortable.
Eventually I made myself dinner—some pasta that had been bought from Whole Foods—and ate it while scrolling on my phone.
I was just about done, ready to take my dirty plate in the sink when I first heard it.
The first explosion.
It came from the basement. A vibrating KAPOW that rattled the windows and chandelier on my floor. It sounded like someone had set off a cherry bomb.
What the hell?
I turned to the dogs who were just as scared as I was. They came whimpering with tails between their legs.
Could a pipe have burst or something?
I looked at the basement door, an area we were not instructed to clean, and then heard another explosion.
Vases shook. A painting went tilted. It sounded louder. Like full grade firework. I had lived in Rio de Janeiro, by Prianha beach, where they often launched celebratory fireworks. This was just as deafening.
I didn’t want to go down to the basement. In fact, I sat by the front door.
Both dogs huddled around me.
***
Twenty minutes passed. It had been quiet.
Out of pride I refused to call my mom—I didn’t want to admit I was scared. Instead, I spent the time going through all the rational answers in my head that could explain away the noise. Plumbing, terrorism, teen pranks … hot springs?
There were hot springs all over West Bann.
Obviously, some kind of pent-up geyser had lay dormant for a while, and it was now suddenly unleashing a ton of energy below Mr. Winslow’s house. To distract myself, I Wikipedia’d the history of West Banniver, and satisfied this theory.
During the 1850’s gold rush, West Banniver saw rapid settlement as a mining town. The proliferation of mine shafts soon led to a discovery of underground hot springs. Mayfield Briggs Ltd which was the first company to seize the opportunity as a tourist attraction…
That’s all it was. A hot spring releasing a buildup of pressure.
Then a third explosion came.
It was so loud and violent that the door to the basement flew open. I fell to the ground and covered my head as several books went flying off nearby shelves.
The dogs yipped and barked like crazy. They stood in front of me, guarding against an unseen force. A voice shrieked from the basement.
“HELP!!! HELLLLP!”
Rivets shot through my hands and knees. I was frozen to the floor.
“PLEEEEEEASE!”
It had the high-pitched desperation of someone whose life was about to end. I raised my head and listened closely to hear haggard, dusty coughing. It sounded like an old man’s cough. It echoed through the basement and into the living room. Between coughs the man continued to plead for his life.
HELLLLP!”
I had no idea who it could be or how he got down there.
Before I could think, one of the dogs shot past me, bolting down the basement steps, barking ferociously.
“Kipper!”
I tried to grab the loose leash, but I could only hold the collar of his sibling. “Kipper come back here!”
“HELLO?” The voice from below seemed to recognize my presence. “PLEASE, YOU’VE GOT TO HELP!”
I was now upright, breathing as fast as Toto was panting. I tied Toto to the thick rails on the stairs. I had to save the other dog.
Instinctually I grabbed my phone, slipped an AirPod in one ear, and dialed my mother without even looking at the screen.
“Mãe. There’s … something terrible is happening.”
My mother was suitably confused. Even more so when she heard the screaming of the man downstairs as his voice echoed in the living room. It was a cry of immense, awful pain.
After two slower, more detailed explanations of what I just heard, my mother told me to call the fire department. “Poke your head through the basement, see what’s happening. Then call the fire department.”
That made sense to me. I inched my way to the basement entrance and tried to see past the doorway. It was complete darkness. There was no light switch.
I turned the torch on my phone, and my aunt’s voice came blaring. “Get out of there Ida! I am telling you, there is darkness in that house!”
As I illuminated the dusty wooden stairs, I saw that they only lead only to more pitch black. Yup, plenty of darkness here.
There was some phone-wrestling. My mother came back on. “What is it? What did you see?”
“Don’t encourage her! Get her to leave!” my auntie yelled in the background.
I told them to pipe down because I could suddenly hear the gentle whimpering at the base of the stairs. The dog sounded close.
“Kipper come! This way! Follow my voice!”
I went down a few steps further, expecting the basement floor to appear any second, but there were only more wooden steps. How long was this staircase?
“Kipper?”
There was a flat, cold wall on my left, and no guard rail to speak of. I stepped down each step very carefully to maintain my balance, sliding my hand along the wall.
Then the wall disappeared. I flew forward.
***
I woke up lying face-first on rocky floor. My phone was cracked next to me. My mother was crying in my ear. “Ida! Ida! Oh my god! Ida!”
I looked up to see I was not at the bottom of someone’s basement. There were lights all above me. Lanterns. They were illuminating a cavernous, rocky chamber that led to many tunnels with train tracks and wooden carts. I was in the opening of a massive underground mine.
I coughed, and gave out a weak “… what?”
“Ida is that you? Are you… brrzzzzz” My mom’s voice faded.
Before I could reply, I saw the crooked form of a man in tan coveralls, shaking the immobile body of another person in coveralls next to him. In fact, there was a small row of half a dozen miners all slumped against a blasted rock wall. There were bits of granite, wood, rope, and what looked like entrails splattered all throughout.
“Oh the cruelty …” the one, standing miner said. He went from body to body and jostled each of his coworkers. “Must I find you all like this … every time?”
I crawled up to a half-standing pose and tried to see the face of the hunched over survivor.
My heart dropped.
He had no face.
The explosion which must have killed some of friends had also blasted away this man’s entire sternum, neck and skull. The miner wasn’t hunched over or leaning away with his head, he just simply … had no head.
And up there, floating right in the middle of where his face should be, were a set of eyeballs, glistening under the yellow lights.
The eyes turned to me. “Oh. Why hello. Hello there.”
Terrified, I rose to complete standing and opened both my palms in a show of total deference. “I don’t know. I don’t know who you are or what this is.”
The headless miner walked toward me. I noticed he carried a pickaxe in his right arm. He gestured with his left to where his ear would be.
“I’m sorry I can’t hear you. Had an accident.”
Despite him having no head, his voice still came from where his mouth would be. There was an earnestness in his speech, it might have had something to do with his very old-timey accent, but I still felt like he was trying to be friendly.
“Another batch of faulty dynamite. Everyone’s dead. But what else is new.”
He brought his left palm to his face, perhaps to wipe away tears, but instead his hand travelled through his nonexistent head to scratch a small portion of his back.
“Been dead for many years I’m afraid. But I’ve kept busy. Been a good man. Worked very hard for the boss upstairs.”
He gestured upwards with the pickaxe. I looked up, and out in the distance, I saw a large, ancient, set of wooden stairs that I must have fallen from. They extended far up into the mine’s ceiling and kept going.
“He’s gotten good ore from me. Good, shining, golden ore. I have a knack for it you see. The same knack that killed me so many years ago. It's probably what’s still keeping me around though.”
He came closer. I could see he had brown irises, with one of the cataracts deteriorating into milky white haze. The eyes stared at me, unblinking.
“Because I’m not done, see. This mine isn’t empty. I know there’s more gold. Much more. And it’s not all for the boss. No, I’m keeping some to myself. Don’t tell him, but I’ve been stashing a large deposit for myself. It can’t all be his of course. It’s my mine after all. Half these tunnels were dug entirely by me. So of course I deserve some. It’s only natural.”
I lifted my hand and pointed at the staircase behind him. I mouthed very big, obvious words. “I have to go back. I’m going back up those stairs.”
He shifted his body. His two eyes turned in the air as if they were still inside an invisible skull. I saw nerve endings at the back undulate and twist.
“Yes, that is the only way up.”
My heart was in my throat. At least I found some form of communication. I gestured to knee height and nervously asked if he had seen a “large, shaggy dog.”
“Ah yes. I’ve seen the pooches. They come down here sometimes. When the booms don’t scare em that is. Hahah.”
I gave a thumbs up. It felt like a ridiculous interaction with a ghost, or zombie or whatever this was, but at least it was working.
“I think I saw his little tail run over that way. They like the smell of the mineral spring.”
I turned behind to see the long tunnel he was pointing at. It was dimly lit by a chain of smaller lanterns.
I thought I saw a flutter of movement, and I would have kept looking further if it wasn’t for my aunt’s voice that suddenly exploded in my ear. “Brrrzt … Ida! If you can hear us, we are calling the police to your location. Help is coming soon! … ”
I winced and stepped back—which saved my life. I just so happened to step right out of the way of a pickaxe. It sparked the ground.
I gasped and stared at the headless miner. His eyes were shimmering with a dark focus, staring directly at mine.
“Oh I’ll help you find the dog. I’ll help you find whatever you want. But I’ll need those clean new eyes of yours first.”
He swung at my head. I ducked. He went for the backswing. I ran.
Stupidly, I ran in the opposite direction of the stairs. I ran straight into the long tunnel lined with dim lanterns.
But I couldn’t turn around. I had no idea how quick he could move. And the speed of his pickaxe felt supernatural.
The tunnel was narrow, and lined with wooden tracks, I had to skip-run-jump over the panels with immense precision to make sure I didn’t trip. Behind me, his voice chased.
“Go ahead. Run. I know where these all lead.”
I ignored the words and kept going. The tunnel bent left, then right, then left again. I ignored several exits before the tunnel spat me out into an open, cavernous room filled with dozens and dozens of minecarts.
I investigated the room for anything useful. A far opposite wall appeared to be the site of the latest digging, loose rock lay everywhere.
There was a small mineshaft holding a chained up cart. And something in the cart shimmered…
It was gold.
And not just ore either. There were bars, coins, medallions, and jewelry. Mrs. Winslow’s bangles were right on top.
I ran to the cart furthest from the entrance and ducked behind it, breathing heavily, coughing from all the dust.
The headless man emerged from the tunnel, pickaxe raised and scanning where I could have hid. “I may not be able to hear you. But I can follow footprints pretty easily hah. I know you’re in here.”
He grabbed the closest minecart available and pushed it into the tunnel entrance. With an immense show of strength, he lifted and dislodged the cart off the track, cramming it sideways, creating a massive obstacle.
I was sealed inside.
Trying to stay absolutely still, I coughed through my teeth. Lungs burning. My mom’s voice came through.
“Brrzzztt… The police should be there! I told them you were in danger! They said they sent a unit over. Maybe they broke down the front door?”
I looked up at the mine shaft next to me. If it did connect to the surface upstairs, this was my only chance.
I gave a couple good yells. “HEEEEELP!!! DOWN HERE!! HELP!”
I don’t know if it did any good, but it was better than nothing. I turned to see if the miner had heard anything.
He hadn't.
The pickaxe tapped and clanged awkwardly around minecart after minecart.
I had a bigger advantage than I thought.
Although the miner had two floating eyeballs, only the left one was really capable of seeing anything.
So I kept my distance and watched where he was going, always staying behind.
As he limped and peered around minecarts, I was able to evade him, move from behind rock piles and other carts, careful not to leave a trail in the rock dust.
It was all going well until I heard a familiar panting.
“Oh look. If it isn’t precious.”
The dog had managed to jump over the miner’s blockade. It must have heard my yells. Surprisingly, Kipper was unafraid of the headless villain, and even approached him to receive pets.
“Now why don’t you go say hello to our other friend here huh? I know she's here somewhere.”
No. Kipper. Please. Don’t.
The dog started sniffing. Within seconds he found my scent. Kipper skipped towards me like Lassie and excitedly licked my face.
“Aww there we are. Now isn’t that a good boy?”
I stood up and stared at the filthy, ash-stained coveralls. Despite the lack of teeth, I could sense a menacing grin where the mouth should be.
He wasn't going to lose sight of me now. I had nowhere to go.
So I did the thing my auntie said worked on all spirits. I fell to my knees and prayed.
“Please. I only came here for work. I’m too young to die. Let me go and I won't tell anyone that you're here.”
He stood over me. Both of his pupils started to quiver. In just a few seconds, his eyes were swimming excitedly within the space of his head.
I took off the only valuable I had. A gold necklace with a miniature version of Christ the Redeemer. A gift I had received as a teen in Rio. I held it out in my shaking hands.
“Please. Take it. Take everything.”
Suddenly both the eyeballs stared forward again, entranced by the gold.
“Well look at that. How generous. How generous of her. We should reward generosity shouldn’t we?”
***
It was hard for me to describe to the police officer how exactly I got out, because I have no idea.
The fiery pain where my eyes used to be overwhelmed my entire reality for hours. All I wanted was for it to stop.
They found me half inside a dumbwaiter bleeding to death from the gouges in my face.
I was taken to the hospital, where I would spend the next four weeks recovering.
The police did not in fact storm the house like my mom said. They waited outside for the homeowner to return. But when they heard my screams coming from the top floor, they broke the back door and eventually came to my rescue.
I’m told they did a thorough investigation but could not find any of the things I described.
The basement door led into a regular basement. It was filled with old furniture, unused decor, and paint cans. No Mine.
The dumbwaiter was also just a dumbwaiter. It wasn’t some mine shaft, and it didn’t lead any deeper than the basement. Nothing special.
There were definitely hot springs close by, but nothing close enough to damage Mr. Winslow's property. And there was an old, depleted gold mine not far away either, but it was completely abandoned, closed off, and nowhere near as big as the one I had described.
***
The police, paramedics and doctors all thought my story was some hallucination. That I had been on drugs or had some mental breakdown (even though they couldn’t find anything in me other than small traces of weed.)
Thankfully, my mother and aunt believed me. They believed every word. My aunt is the one who encouraged me to make this post, so others could hear my story.
I know it was real.
I know it was.
And Mr. Winslow is fully aware of the mine’s existence.
Putting the dots together, I realized it was likely the source of his wealth. Winslow had some control over that one headless miner down there.
Did Winslow intentionally entrap me? Was he trying to get the miner a new set of eyes? Or was it all an unfortunate accident?
I might never know.
But what I do know is that Mr. Winslow has been paying for our rent ever since the accident.
He feels “terrible about the situation” and “can’t possibly imagine” what I’ve been through.
But he knows what happened.
He knows if I really pushed, If I really forced the police, or some private investigator to look into it—they would uncover something awful. Something really really bad.
“Anything you need. Anything at all. I will cover it, Ida.” He said. “You helped me out, protected my dogs, and I will never forget it.”
He’s offered to pay for the rest of my University schooling. And once my face heals up, he’s even offered to cover for some very expensive, experimental eye-transplant. We’ll see how that goes.
“You and your family will live comfortably from now on. You’ll want for nothing. Tell me exactly what you need, And you’ll get it.”
So I told him I'd like my necklace back. It was an heirloom. I said I lost it somewhere in his house.
A few days later, he returned with the usual smug, half-crooked smirk in his voice. He brought the necklace back in a box, pretending he had bought me a new one. Except it felt exactly like my old one.
It was all shined up, completely buffed of scratches, but it weighed the same. It was my old one for sure.
When my mom saw it she asked, “did it always have it? This dedication?”
As far as I remembered, the backside of the tiny Christ the Redeemer was always plain. I fingered its shape in my hands.
“What dedication?”
The new little divots caught my nails. There was writing that was definitely not there before.
My mom described it as a curly, serif font. Like a gift for a lover.
~ You’re an angel ~
~ W ~

Read an excerpt from this in The Surfer’s Journal earlier this year and was impressed so I decided to pick up this short little book.
Highly recommend. It’s a lovely little piece compiled of the disconnected musings of an aging artist reflecting on life, death and dying. Some are poetry, some read like stream-of-consciousness diary entries and some are narrative. But it’s one of the most honest, messy and human reflections I’ve read in a long time.
Reminds me a bit of Story of My Heart but instead of finding reaffirmations of life and existence in nature, this is referential to the art, literature, poetry, politics and music that shape and define our realities.
I wouldn’t sleep on this little book. Made me curious to explore the rest of Farber’s work.

Alright gang… somewhere I read that for the little pedestal I’m standing next to in the first pic, you’re supposed to mark them on your map and draw lines connecting them (no idea if this is right or not). Anyways, I’m trying to do it, but for the life of me, I can not find Swirl #5 or Heart #4 and 5. Posted screenshots of my map. Am I doing this at all correctly? Does anyone know where my missing pedestals are?