Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

Hello! Here we are again, back for another ATLA commentary.
Before we get started I do want to point out that I’m numbering and labeling episodes according to how they appear on Netflix. Episode 12, as I understand it, is actually two episodes. However, since they’re presented as one thing here, that’s how I’m watching it.
Brief update on other projects: I thought I’d try watching the first Harry Potter movie, but realized it’s two and a half hours long. That’s, at the bare minimum, five hours of commentary writing. So… yeah, we’re gonna hold off on that lol I’m also considering watching a superhero/comic book show called The Boys, because I accidentally caught part of a trailer for it that my girlfriend was watching and it looks very interesting. I’ll be doing the new Game of Thrones commentary next, not sure when exactly.
Okay, let’s go!
Episode 12- The Secret of the Fire Nation

1. Well that’s a heck of a title! I hope we learn something juicy!

It’s nice to see Aang and Katara bending for fun, thought I’m surprised Aang is so willing to encase himself in a block of ice. You’d think he’d have some trauma from that lol But also, I love Katara’s hair when she lets it down.
Yeah… I’m kind of surprised Aang is taking Appa’s loss as well as he is, considering how he reacted last episode. Since Sokka is talking about walking to Ba Sing Se, I take it they’re not going to be spending time looking for him? But then, didn’t the sandbenders say they sold him to a merchant from Ba Sing Se? Maybe he’s there, and Aang’s banking on that hope.

1. I know I keep applying real-world logic to a cartoon show, but wouldn’t Ba Sing Se get awfully crowded if they’re constantly taking in refugees from the rest of the Earth Kingdom? Iroh put the city under siege for almost two years. What if the Fire Nation does that again? More mouths to feed makes starvation quicker!

Iroh and Zuko are refugees. I still can’t get over that irony lol Hey, it’s Jet! My goodness, he’s onscreen for less than ten seconds and he’s already planning a robbery. He and Zuko are going to get along just fine, aren’t they?
The cabbage merchant! Always a delight to see him and his cabbages! Also hilarious that a bunch of people are impersonating Aang (thought it probably would be less hilarious if any of them met Azula). If passports are necessary, how did Zuko and Iroh get tickets? Also, good on Toph for taking advantage of her privilege lol
Hey! I think that’s Suki! Her eyes are drawn really distinctively and her voice sounds familiar! Two seconds after pressing play: it is Suki! Don’t you just love my long winning streak of figuring things out right before they let us know? Lol

1. Glad to see ATLA Suki appreciates Sokka’s muscles just as much as NATLA Suki lol

Someone took the pregnant family’s tickets and belongings. Is that how Zuko and Iroh got their tickets? Zuko’s robbed families before, so I wouldn’t put it past him.
Well damn, Suki got her armor and makeup on real quick, didn’t she? Hm… Sokka’s worried about her. I think Suki’s going to interpret that as him being sexist again but he’s probably traumatized from losing Yue. He’s been through way too much to still be sexist. If he still had a misogynistic bone in his body, Toph would have beaten it out of him by now.

1. Well the Serpent’s Pass looks terrifying. Also, this pregnant lady took one look at some scratched graffiti saying “Abandon Hope” and immediately started crying, saying “How can we abandon hope? It’s all we have!” Like… come on, lady lol Just because you see graffiti telling you to do something doesn’t mean you have to, otherwise I would have called quite a few people for a good time by now.

Hope is a distraction, huh? I guess I can see the logic of that from a practical application perspective. But it’s kind of a depressing philosophy for a monk to have.
Holy shit! Nope, I would not be walking along a cliff path that narrow! I will build a rowboat and paddle my way to Ba Sing Se.
Toph is really carrying the team (and some refugees too) this episode.

1. There’s a fine line between being protective and being smothering and Sokka has hopped, jumped, and skipped right over it.

Zuko’s not wearing his blue spirit mask. Not that he needs it, he and Jet work together like cogs in a machine. Ironic lol
Ow! Geez, that rejected hug hurt me lol Katara’s right though. Bottling up emotions just makes them worse in the long run. You have to allow yourself to feel bad sometimes. Granted, you can’t fly off the handle like he did last episode, but that’s a reaction. You can control your reactions, but you can’t control your feelings.
“It’s a beautiful moon.” “Yeah, it really is.” Okay, I know Sokka said last episode that Yue is the moon, but he was tripping on peyote. Does he actually believe that Yue is the moon now? Is Yue the moon now? I interpreted her death as he sacrificing herself to bring the moon spirit back to life, not to become the new moon spirit.
“Who is this guy? Is he taller than me?” Dude, we were having a moment. Damn it, just kiss her! Well actually, the moon’s right there so if Yue really did turn into the new moon spirit, it might be a tad awkward to kiss in front of her. But what’s he gonna do, only ever show intimacy during the day?

1. Um… I’m probably reading too much into this Smellerbee scene with Iroh and Longshot and I’m almost hesitant to say what I’m thinking because I can just imagine the backlash I could get for voicing it. And it’s not like ATLA has had great LGBTQ representation up to this point, so… Yeah, I’m probably just seeing things that aren’t there.

You know, I’ve never really cared a lot about Jet as a character (in fact, I’m kind of surprised to see him again. I figured he’d be a one-off character) but I am really enjoying his scenes with Zuko and Iroh. They have so much in common, which is probably the point of this whole juxtaposition. If he only knew who they really were lol
Of course Iroh believes in second chances. He’s the best. And also, he’s living proof that some people deserve a second chance.

1. Uh… Katara parting the sea while leading refugees to safety invokes a certain comparison, doesn’t it? But can I just say that I love how her solution to crossing the gap is to literally walk through the ocean instead of making a raft out of ice and floating across. She just never misses an opportunity to flex on everyone, does she? Lol

Momo continuing his pattern of trying to kill every small animal he sees is something I’ve come to treasure.
Is that the unagi?! I think that’s what it’s called/spelled but I haven’t seen that episode in a while. It would be fitting if Suki and the sea serpent both share the same episodes lol No that’s not the unagi. It’s a different color. Um… what exactly was Sokka planning to do if the sea serpent actually accepted his offer and ate Momo? Considering how he reacted to losing Appa, I don’t think Aang would be too happy with him.
Oh, now she’s making an ice bridge. Not as much of a flex as maintaining an air bubble so they plumb the depths but it is faster. Oh, Toph can’t see on ice. And she can’t swim? An earthbender not being able to swim feels like a stereotype for some reason, even though I have absolutely no reason to think that lol
“You can go ahead and let me drown now.” That’s gonna be a favorite joke of mine, I just know it lol And I’m pretty sure this is probably a jumping point for a Sokka/Toph ship. What does the community call that? Soph? Tokka? (How old is Toph, anyway? Probably Aang’s age, right? That’s… probably not an appropriate ship then)

1. Why does Ba Sing Se’s wall remind me of The Wall from Game of Thrones? Obviously not made of ice though lol

Okay, time for ATLA’s viewers to experience the miracle of childbirth!

1. Like I said earlier, ATLA isn’t heavy on the LGBTQ representation, but I swear I’m picking up on some tension and chemistry between Jet and Zuko (Juko? Jeko? Zet?). And now half of Jet’s little group is an LGBTQ allegory for me lol Even the dialogue between Jet and Zuko in this scene is slightly suggestive.

So… can Katara waterbend the baby out or…
Baby Hope, eh? Probably not a super common name in this world.
Oh? Was that Aang’s way of telling Katara he loves her without actually saying it? Aww. And hey, he’s heading off on his own to search for Appa. Which… honestly kind of feels like he should have been doing that this whole time lol
Yes! Get some, Sokka! Wait, nevermind. I fucking hate that line. Ugh No! I’m not gonna be a bitter old lady on this watch-through! They’re kissing and it’s very sweet and I love that for them!
Um… there’s a giant metal dildo on the way to penetrate Ba Sing Se! Lol but seriously, how technologically advanced is the Fire Nation? A giant mobile drill of that scale would be a marvel of engineering even by our modern standards.

1. Well hey, there’s the title card letting me know when the next episode starts.

Woah, the way the drill moves is so cool! I’m legitimately wondering if such a thing would actually be possible in our world with our physics. I don’t know why we would want to, but still. And of course Azula’s leading this attack. She gets all the best opportunities. And she’s smart too! The war minister guy is dismissive of the earthbenders, believing his drill to be impervious to earthbending attacks. You can practically smell the hubris. But Azula leaves nothing to chance and she sends her girls out to neutralize any potential threat.
And this is why we love Azula. She’s not just a scary villain, she’s a competent villain.

1. And the Earth Kingdom general shares the War Minister’s hubris. Why are the people in charge always the worst people to be in charge? Also, I love that Toph is the one to point out that Iroh broke through the wall.

So the Earth Kingdom’s elite Terra Team force were taken out by two teenage nonbenders from the Fire Nation in about twenty seconds. How have they lasted this long? Lol (I say two, but let’s be honest. Ty Lee’s doing the heavy lifting here)
Yes! I love that they acknowledge Sokka as the “Idea Guy”!
Iroh has got rizz for days lol I’m kind of surprised he only ever had one son. Jet wants to recruit Zuko. I’m totally down for that! They’re such an interesting pair!

1. I really love that Katara, whose probably the best waterbender in the world at this point, respects Ty Lee enough to recognize how dangerous she is. And Sokka had an idea! They’re going to take down the drill from the inside. Because how the hell else are they going to stop something that big?

Again with the underestimation! I swear Azula’s the only competent person in the entire Fire Nation military since Iroh retired.
Okay, engineer Sokka figured it out. It’s all a little too easy, isn’t it?

1. Ah shit, Jet just realized the truth, because Iroh used firebending to heat up his tea lol I think he’s getting a little too relaxed.

Okay, just the fact that they slice through metal with water at all is pretty impressive. And the drill has reached the wall, and Azula still doesn’t look impressed.
Oh yeah, I guess this is a pretty high stakes battle for them, huh? If they lose Ba Sing Se, they basically lose the entire Earth Kingdom, right? Omashu’s already fallen, the smaller villages and whatnot have no real defense. Ba Sing Se is the last big puzzle piece to world domination (aside from the water tribes, but they’re so isolated they’re not really a threat).
I love that Toph’s nickname for Aang is Twinkle Toes. Also I laughed at the War Minister’s face when he was side-eyeing Azula just then. +That’s the face of a man who’s about to be punished!

1. lol Sokka’s the only one with more rizz than Iroh! Maybe a legitimate battle strategy here would be to woo Ty Lee into switching sides? Aside from Azula she seems to be the most dangerous one. No offense to Mai, but she is kind of the odd woman out here.

Oh please let me get Aang and Azula 1v1! I really badly want to see how he fares against her without everyone else helping him. He’ll probably have to use the Avatar State to defeat her.
Ty Lee dives into the slurry after Katara and Sokka while Mai refuses. Yeah, Mai is the weak link here in Ozai’s Angels (I love that name, by the way).

1. Did Aang seriously think the general was going to hear him from that high up? Lol Toph’s helping Katara bend the slurry (how convenient that it’s both water and earth!). Ty Lee’s still trapped in it and the drill is about to blow. If I hadn’t learned my lesson on the last post, I’d probably be worried she might die in the explosion. But this is a kid’s show, she’ll be fine.

Here we go! Aang vs Azula! Her fighting style is so elegant. Every move she makes feels on purpose, if that makes sense. Like, whenever Aang fought Zuko, Zhao, or NPC firebenders their style is a little more chaotic and fearsome and rawr, you know? But Azula’s totally calm. Everything she’s doing feels calculated, and it’s working! If she hadn’t had to dodge that boulder after blasting Aang back she might have been able to deliver a finishing blow!
She beat him! He’s unconscious! Okay, well not anymore lol See… that right there was hubris (actually, it was kid’s show writing but whatever)! He was out for like fifteen seconds. She should have roasted him where he lay instead of picking him up and gloating.
Another fight with Azula ends in a draw with neither one beating the other! I’m starting to get a little peeved with all this edging lol but that was great! Azula is an absolute beast!

1. Okay, the way Aang hammered that rock spike into the drill was pretty epic. Mai’s “We lost” (and thank you for your contribution to the fight, Mai lol) is interesting. It’s true, they did lose. Not in the combat sense, Aang couldn’t beat Azula, but he didn’t have to. He just had to hold her off. Maybe that’s kind of a metaphor for the Fire Nation military in general. It’s very powerful, but it’s also marred by incompetence and weaknesses. Many of its generals are prideful and blind to their own weaknesses, or just outright incompetent. Look at this fight: even Mai just kind of gave up halfway through. If Ty Lee wasn’t trapped in the slurry, she might very well have been able to beat Katara, Sokka, and Toph, especially since they don’t Appa this time to bail them out. And if Mai had been with her, she might have been to break Katara’s concentration with a thrown weapon, thus freeing Ty Lee from the slurry.

I wondered how the Earth Kingdom lasted so long and maybe that’s just it. They can’t beat the Fire Nation, but they don’t have to. They just have to hold them off and the Fire Nation’s own shortcomings will end up beating themselves. It’s a hundred year stalemate.

1. Looks like Jet’s going to be causing a problem for Iroh and Zuko. I wonder if his relationship with them is what’s going to finally let him realize that not all Fire Nation people are inherently evil?

Hey, that’s Baby Hope! And Iroh gets to fawn over her too and I love that for him. You know, if Aang defeats the Fire Nation in a timely manner, Hope might actually get to grow up in a world at peace. Well, kind of. I’m sure there’s going to be massive issues with racism from generations of propaganda painting the other side as inhuman, huge demands for reparations, not to mention the territories the Fire Nation currently occupies. It’s been so long that there must be at least two generations of Fire Nation citizens who were born in and grew up in the Earth Kingdom, and I’m sure there’s been interbreeding with the Earth Kingdom people, because that’s what always happens with colonizers. Once they become established, genocide is pretty much the only way to get rid of them, and I doubt the Avatar is going to allow that.
So Hope’s probably going to grow up in pretty interesting times!
Um… is Ba Sing Se a city or is it a little walled country? Cuz all I see are farms and plains!
Katara, I love you, but you’re wrong. Team Avatar is going to catch on because it’s awesome, and that’s that.
Episode 13- City of Walls and Secrets

1. Oh, there’s an inner wall. So Ba Sing Se is kind of like the country in Attack on Titan! Oh yeah, in all of the excitement I almost forgot about Appa. Seriously, how many episodes has he been missing now? Damn, now that’s a city!

Yeah… something’s up with Joo Dee.
Walls inside that help maintain order? You mean walls that protect the rich and elite from the dirty poors? Lol Oh, Katara just confirmed it. They pen up all the poor people into a walled ghetto.

1. lol when Iroh’s talking about someone bringing home a lady friend, does he mean himself? Or Zuko? It is really interesting how their views of Ba Sing Se differ though. Iroh’s talking about getting a home, socializing, building a life, and he’s even found them jobs! Zuko sees the same situation as a prison.

Well, I’m glad Jet’s turning over a new leaf by letting the authorities handle things. Too bad I don’t trust the authorities to be any better.
Toph knows what’s up. Joo Dee is purposefully brushing Sokka off and distracting the group. I’m not sure why at the moment, but something is clearly up.

1. Of course they’re going to work in a tea shop! Lol Zuko’s right btw, all tea is hot leaf juice. Well, except for the teas that are hot root juice.

The cultural authority of Ba Sing Se, who guard their traditions and are called the Dai Li. Yeah… maybe it’s my conservative religious upbringing but when I hear about people “guarding their traditions” I immediately think of abuse, propaganda, and oppression. Generally people who are obsessed with traditions tend to be conservatives, who by their very nature cannot allow progress or improvement.
Someone important is trying to keep them under constant surveillance and prevent them from seeing the Earth King. In NATLA, there were spies in Omashu. Since Ba Sing Se is much bigger and more important, I imagine it’s riddled with Fire Nation spies as well, and somebody high ranking might be a traitor.

1. Joo Dee is kind of scary lol and clearly the citizens are terrified of her. But what’s interesting to me is that she’s preventing them from giving information about Appa, which suggests that whoever is stopping them from seeing the Earth King also has Appa. But why? What would be the point of keeping Aang away from Appa? Is it to restrict his mobility and make him easier to capture?

So people aren’t allowed to talk about the war, and the Dai Li seem to be responsible. But why? If everyone knows there’s a war going on anyway, why keep people from talking about it?
It’s lucky that Iroh borrowed his neighbor’s spark rocks, but why would he refrain from firebending in what he assumes is privacy? Unless he knows he’s being watched.

1. Huh, is the king’s pet bear the first normal animal on the show? Lol I am digging this undercover plan though.

I love that this show lets its characters try on different looks from time to time, even if they are mostly the same outfits. Katara and Toph’s high society get-ups are gorgeous!
The lost boys- I mean, freedom fighters are turning on Peter Pa- I mean, Jet. The weird thing is… he’s right! They are firebenders! But his behavior still isn’t healthy!

1. Okay, let’s go! Jet’s hurling accusations and attacking them in public! And now Zuko’s fighting back with swords. It’s the duel of the dual-wielders! Honestly, this is probably good for Zuko. He needs to blow off some steam after everything he’s been through.

Well how about that? Security at the palace is actually competent and Toph can’t bluff her way in.
This Long Feng guy is cultural minister to the king, which means he’s probably the bad guy! And also we haven’t met any other high ranking government officials with names, so he’s currently the only option lol

1. Geez, Zuko straight up intended to decapitate Jet right there. If Jet were a little slower, he would have! Man, I hope they do this fight scene in NATLA.

Uh-oh, scary lady Joo Dee is the scared one now. But can I just say how much I like her facial expressions?
Yeah… can’t blame them for arresting Jet. He did look like a crazy person.
The Dai Li’s specific brand of earthbending is very cool! It almost doesn’t seem like bending at all, if that makes sense. The stones they use are like a part of their own body. And of course Long Feng is their leader.
Okay I get the king is just a puppet and Long Feng is the real rule of the country, but I still don’t understand why he doesn’t allow mention of the war in the city. I mean, it’s common knowledge! A significant portion of their population are literally refugees fleeing war! Who doesn’t know
Oh… is it the king? Does the king just not know there’s a war happening and Long Feng keeps it from him so he can stay in charge? I mean, that’s still a stretch but it would explain why he doesn’t want Team Avatar talking to the king.

1. Jet is being hypnotized. Also, I do want to point out that I have seen “There is no (whatever) in Ba Sing Se” many times in the wild lol it’s nice to see where it comes from!

Ah… Long Feng is holding Appa as leverage over Aang.
I didn’t think Joo Dee could be any scarier but here we are! This episode almost has horror movie vibes.
Concluding thoughts: This was a fantastic couple/throuple of episodes! I loved seeing Suki again, and I really enjoyed how the refugee subplot ties so perfectly in with Iroh and Zuko. The whole drill sequence was probably the best “action” the show has had thus far and that’s saying something. It’s also nice to have my suspicions that the Earth Kingdom has its own corruption problems and bad guys confirmed.
I have a new theory to replace my “Iroh’s going to die theory”. They’ve been showing us all season how Zuko isn’t really cut out for life on the run, whereas Iroh embraces it. I think they’re driving to a separation between Zuko and Iroh. He may not have died, but narratively speaking Zuko and Iroh have to part ways permanently or semi-permanently for his character to grow. Iroh has been propping him up and supporting him this whole time, now it’s time for Zuko to leave the nest and become his own person.
My new theory is that Iroh will enjoy his new life in Ba Sing Se so much that he elects to stay there permanently, whereas Zuko is too restless to do so. He can’t go back to the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom will not accept him, so his only choice is to join Team Avatar, where he will likely end up teaching Aang firebending.
And to expand further on a previous theory of mine, which was: Azula will kill or depose Ozai. I’ve accepted at this point that death is off the table. Kid’s show and all that. But I noticed something… lots of people were quick to say that Azula would never kill Ozai. But not one person has said she wouldn’t depose him in those refutations (unless I’m misremembering but I don’t think I am). Since you all know not to hint at things or spoil them, I think your eagerness to point out that she won’t kill Ozai is an attempt to mislead me into thinking the whole theory is wrong so I’ll be surprised when she ends up deposing (not killing) him. I mean, I could be wrong but I have a strong feeling that the final villain is going to be Fire Lord Azula, with Ozai in exile somewhere (that would be fitting! The man who banishes his own son ends up being banished himself!).
Maybe that will even be the conclusion of Zuko’s arc! While Aang goes off to save the world from Azula, Zuko splits up to confront Ozai himself! Where we are in the show right now, it really does feel like Azula is Aang’s primary antagonist whereas Ozai is Zuko’s primary antagonist.
By the way, from here on out, no confirming or denying my theories either way, okay? Let it unfold naturally, and let me figure things out on my own. I mean, where’s the fun in just giving me the answers?
And also, some of you could be a little nicer with your criticisms. I had to block someone last time I posted and I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s fine to disagree with me, it’s fine to explain why you disagree with me. Hell, most of you do! I don’t mind that, I like that we all have different views of things even if I don’t agree. It makes things interesting! But don’t talk down to me, don’t use belittling language, don’t be disrespectful. Whenever I don’t like something about ATLA (or like something about NATLA) some of you seem to take it as a personal insult or something.
Just be polite, that’s all I ask.
Okay, I’ll see you same time next week probably!

Im going to be completely honest with this post. I have nothing to lie about.
I fell in love 6 years ago with this girl. When we first kissed we had literal fireworks go off and it wasn't a holiday. It was that moment I knew I loved her and wanted to be with her. About 1 ½ years into our relationship our son was born. We started having issues around here this time. During this time we tried to be more open with our relationship. But I fucked up our relationship and start talking to other girls out of spite.
Why was I spite full? because I found her selling nudes to her friends, She blamed me for cheating (at the time i wasnt), She tried to kill herself with me in the car (I stopped her from doing it. But again she blames me because i wrestled the keys from her and i was too rough. However i was the one that left with bruises and scratches while she was perfectly fine. ) She made sure to tell me every argument how im not big enough for her.
I never slept with any of the girls. I guess I was just seeking attention or some affection. This put a huge strain on us. At the time I didnt feel loved from her. She was an amazing mom and GF and was best women I could ever ask for. But I just felt like she wanted something bettemore. She always made sure to remind me how she enjoyed sex with her ex more. He could pleasure her in ways i never could. I felt hopeless I couldnt even pleasure the girl i loved with out her thinking of someone else. It would make me go soft and we would argue. She would tell me that shes too loose and that she should've never slept with her ex because of that. It just created an endless cycle of really great sex, Sex that we would both end up crying over.
We shortly after started using toys to spice things up and make it more pleasurable for her. until I heard her moaning a way shes never moaned before. it was that moment i realized I never pleasured her. She faked it.
We were planning a trip to LA for a anime EXPO. I had tricked her into giving me her ring size. I spent 1k on just the hotel and tickets and VIP tickets to a after party. I was about to marry her. I was pricing rings out and trying to get the best deal. But then this....
Almost 3 years into our relationship and things are getting bad. Shes drinking almost everyday and im working avoiding the drama. I have friends over one time and were building computers. She got so drunk in front of them she started spilling out my insecurity's. everyone told her to stop and just go lay down. She stood up and almost face planted into the ground but i caught her. I put her on my back and walked her to our room. I explained to her that she hurt me really bad and I cant even talk to her because i was so upset. She just replied "im nothing to you anyways.". I did my best to tell her i love her im just upset and need some time away. So i left her in the room drunk. (looking back this was a huge mistake) When i came back she was crying and just saying i dont love her anymore. no matter what i said i couldnt convince her otherwise. we went to bed upset.
about a month later we have our big fight. Im trying to get ready for work and shes leaving to her sisters graduation. Shes already mad im not going because of work. She starts asking for the keys while im brushing my teeth. I told her theyre in my pocket give me a second. she came in and patted me down like i was in jail (I have PTSD from going to juvi for a false report. She knows this.) I snap and tell her dont ever pat me down like im an inmate. She just said you use to be one. IDK what is was but that set me off. I held my anger in and didnt say a single word. Until i asked her for the keys. She told me they were on the coffee table. I couldnt find them, so i kept asking and she gave the same answer. after repeatedly looking and asking, I eventually snapped and shoved her into her chair. She slid back in the chair and hit her head. I was in disbelief i just put my hands on the lady i love.(I was always taught to never do this. I have never put my hands on a lady that didnt put her hands on me. I live in a very ghetto city, women out here will throw hands like prisoners.) But out of anger i just told her to grab my keys. she grabbed them and just said im calling the cops. I left to work. I shouldve never left, I shoudlve done everything in my power to make it right. At work i was contemplating how i could make it better how i can fix us. then 2 cops walk in.
The next year and ahalf is just court and us not talking. I beat the case simply because she was caught lying and Im not a women beater. She even admitted that i have never done anything like this before. It was completely out of character for me to ever touch a women that way. I didnt even like doing those things sexually. it turned me off greatly. Till this day i regret it. I wish i never did it. It ruined everything we had. After the trial one of the jurors talked to me. ill never forget his words. " you need to find your zen. whatever it is you need to find it. Take a moment to yourself before you do something." During this time I cant find work because of the pending case so im broke almost died from starvation and had to resort to eating expired food or thrown away trash. I stayed with a friend for a month but his mom (he took care of her) didnt want me there any longer. So I left. That put a huge strain on our friendship.
After the case we start talking again. I ask her to take me back and give me another chance. She told me she didnt love me anymore and should've listened. But she still gave me another chance. When things were good they were great. we went on dates and spent time as a family. it was almost like we were a family. I never had a real family and it was odd for me. I guess i couldnt handle it or something. However I loved every second of it. But we start getting into agreements about the past. Both of us are gaslighting and claiming shit didnt happen when we both knew it did. Each time we get into an argument I flash back to that moment. Then i Flash back to what the juror told me. I thought finding some zen would just mean some time apart till we can talk normally. However that put alot of strain on us. We would be find for accouple weeks then not talk for accouple weeks. this had been repeating for a year.
Finally around christmas she told me she's done and im just a loser who wants to use her. That i just need to move on. I tried.. but I couldnt, I loved her and still do. She just insisted that i was using her and that these breaks we were taking were for me to sleep around with no consequence (I only slept with one girl this entire break up and that was while i was living with my friend.) while we were dating I stopped using dating apps and tried my best to focus on us. I wanted nothing more then for us to be a family again. But i guess she didnt believe it.
A month later my brother and I get into an argument. I was emotionally grieving still so i didn't have the energy to argue. So i just walked away. in doing so my brother took this as an opportunity to tackle me and procced to knock me out and beat on me. His adopted son had to pull him off of me. I went and grabbed a knife and told him to try it again. His wife called the police as I was trying to leave and they arrested me for various charges. when i went to jail I was SA and Assaulted by the sheriff deputies. They beat me in a cell and just claimed i was resisting. But they gave no commands and My arresting officer put it on his paper work that i was compliant. I have pictures to prove how bad they beat me. bruises from head to toe and a big welt on my forehead from one officer punching me while i was on the ground with them in full control of all my arms and legs.
My EX came and visited me in jail. I got out of jail and they dropped all they charges. My brothers wife had submitted videos thinking it would help her side but it disproved it. That night i told my ex she was my everything my world that i cant continue on without her. I needed my family. I needed her and my son in my life because im literally nothing with out them. (Before we got together i was a complete loser. everything I ever did was in for her and my son. even now im a complete loser hence why im writing this.) We spent the night a motel that night and I have to admit. If she didnt spend that night with me I wouldn't be here RN. I thought things would go back to normal. But i did the same BS. Each time I became emotionally overwhelmed I just shut everyone out so I woudlnt hurt them. I dont like hurting people emotionally or physically. So i thought it would be best to just leave them alone. I cant hurt those who im not around. This was again another mistake. I kept going back to shutting everyone out. She grew tired of it.
On easter 2024 we had our last moment together. That night I had noticed her phone blowing up with tinder notifications. for my own well being i decided to not look. But I had checked her instagram which was full of guys flirting with her. She didnt turn them down or state she was with someone. infact when i asked her about it she just told me she cant control what other guys say and we were together when it happened. But she can and it was... We didnt have sex we didnt cuddle. she just went straight to bed from work. We had planned to have easter together as a family. I was so excited because we didnt get to have christmas together. (I had spent christmas with my son but I was crying the whole day. I ruined my sons christmas because I couldnt hold it together.) We wake up two hours early. She took the whole two hours to get ready and made us late. I brought it up in the car and told her that she took to long so we missed everything. So we agreed to go to the 5pm easter. IDK what it was but I snapped. Maybe it was her telling me if i helped we would've been on time. (i did help and it we were still late) Maybe I was just overwhelmed because I couldnt provide for my family a decent easter. But i didnt want my son to see and I didnt want to go off on her because she didnt deserve that. So i got out of the car and told her to go home ill see her there. She left two hours away with my son and his easter gifts. For me it was an equal walk time. This is again another moment in which i fucked up and lost the girl of my dreams because I couldnt handle my emotions.
She kept making a statement that day "If all I do is piss you off then why are we together?" That kept playing in my mind that entire walk. But i figured by the time i got home she we could talk about it. I told her She didnt piss me off it just frustrated me that she cant see how her taking 2 hrs made us late. So I called her later on when i got home. I started apologizing for getting out of the car. I told my son that was not safe and never to do that. Then I went off on her and told her She ruined my easter like she ruined my christmas. I told her she was right if all she did was piss me off deliberately then why bother keep trying this? I again just blocked her. She tried to reach out to me on discord but I feared she was going to tell me to move on. So i didnt reply.
A month goes by and she wont let me see my son. She just says if you want him come get him. remind you its been almost 3 years and I havent been able to get a job because I fail almost every background check for my career. (security) I have applied to so many places and get ignored. even temp jobs or jobs people typically wouldn't want. There was no way I could drive a total of 4 hrs. I was scrounging for money just to put food on the table for my son. There been so many times where he asked me dad why arent you eating wiht me. I just tell him that I ate earlier and im not hungry. I also have other bills im behind on and theyre coming after me now. She convinced my son that i dont want to see him and that i dont care about them anymore. Everytime I would talk to them on the phone my son would question wether or not i loved him and would always ask why i dont come see him. TBH some of it felt like a trap. I felt like she wanted me to go over there so she could call the cops on me for picking up my son outside of designated hours. Or that she had her family waiting for me to shoot me. I could hear her in the background sounding out words to my son and he would start calling saying some really negative stuff. Irresponsible, disappointment, disgusting Those are the ones that I heard her sounding out with him. I lost my shit and went off on her and my son heard it all.
My poor boy.
I called her every name in the book and told her i still love hear but she drives me crazy. She made good points that if i loved her i wouldnt be saying these things also i wouldnt block her for weeks while were fighting. He heard her say she doesn't love me anymore and that her new lover stretched her out and she loved it. That i never loved her and just used her. I honestly was beyond hurt. I just told her i was happy someone was able to pleasure her in ways i never could that i wisht them the best. Then she kept egging it on and I snapped again threating him. Threating myself. It ended with her blocking me. and that was that. Havent heard from her in almost a week. Same with my son. I call everyday. (yes you can get around a blocked #)
Its mothers day and I havent stopped crying. I have her gift from when we were together. That was another reason it was hard for me to travel 2 hrs. I had spent the last couple months saving what i could to get her a gift.
Why am i writing this. Because im at my witts end. Im nothing with out her. She was my drive my focus and my world. My son gave me strength to be a better man and a father figure. I have nether now and i have no one to blame but myself. My own actions have pushed away those i love the most. I tried protecting them from the possibility that I might do something stupid again. That just pushed them further away. I ruined our relationship and shes found someone who can not only pleasure her but care for her. I just hope he makes her happy.
If youre reading this and you have someone special in your life... please do me a favor and tell them you love them and explain to them why you love them. Because one day you may never get to do it again. One day they may hate you and some poeple could look back and say yeah thats okay because i know i tried my best. But thats not the case here. I couldve done so much more to see her or plan dates with her. I shouldve tried harder to get a job and be a man. I ruined the best relationship I had. She was my world and I just let her go.
Part 2: Not about my EX
My dad had leukemia and survived and still chose to leave. He has gotten drunk and thrown fireball handles at the back of my head. He has spread rumors to my friends i was gay because i got a tongue piercing.
I was falsly imprisoned for a crime I didnt commit. I was a teenager i was with this girl and she lied to me. She said her ex raped her. The one time i happend to see him i was high AF but i felt like i had to defend her honor. He won that fight and I got a concussion that almost killed me. Her dad an adult rush me in my own home. but i got charged because i was caught on his property.(I went to his house to say goodbye to her. nothing more nothing less.) I served 150 days of my life in a cell. these are days ill never get back.
I was SA and assaulted by sheriff and no one believes me. the cops mocked me for me trying to file a complaint. other cops made jokes about me infront of my ex. "how can a women SA you. Are you gay?"
I was SA by a mentally challenged person at church. And again by my brothers friend. I never said anything because the mentally challenged person was caught doing it to someone else. My own brother (the one that tackled me) Mocked the kid and his older brother about this in front of me. "At least my little brother wasn't assaulted by and R word" He just didn't know i was the first victim.
My own actions have caused my family to leave me. I dont have physical custody because the courts gave her 100%. I cant even see my son or call him. She wont even obey the court orders. But the moment i want to spend more then 8 hrs a week with my son (only when were fighting) She calls the cops and tells them im not following court orders and im trying to kidnap my son. Then the cops get all tough guy and try to act like im some dead beat. How TF am I a bad dad if all I want is to spend time with him? How am I a bad dad if I Jumped throw a million hoops for the courts just to get visitation?
But to finally end this, I have reached my last resort. im enlisting into the military and if i dont get accepted im ending it all. I have nothing left for me here. I have ruined everything I have spent the last 6 years building. All i do is push away those who love me. And those who managed to stick around are tired of me. I feel like nothing but a burden and a POS dad for not keeping his family together.
I have no one to blame but myself. Thats why i have to eliminate the problem at its source. By either leaving or by not existing.

My daughter shared a stream of text messages with me and asked how to navigate the situation. Frankly, her dad and I was ready to bring out the ghetto in us, but since we are in the professional world now and want to tread carefully as our daughter is ultra affected, we needed to do it the right way. I would like to mention that we are southeast Asians and live in a predominant white area.
My daughter is in 6th grade. Her supposed friend (white, female), let’s call her L, added my daughter to a group chat with a bunch of boys (6-8th graders) and another girl. My girl knew none of them except for L. My daughter asked what the group chat was for and who everyone was. Off the bat, one kid asked if my daughter was Asian. Another kid received a photo of my daughter from L. He shared and asked if that was my daughter. She said yes. After that, the comments started rolling in…
“I hate Asians…” “Chink…” “I don’t like Asians…” “I no likey Asians…” “Chinkerbell…” “Eyes r close…”
And then sent a bunch of Chinese written words/paragraphs asking for my girl to translate. She’s not even Chinese.
My girl asked, “L, why did you add me to this racist ass group chat…don’t be a hater, y’all should be better than that.”
One responded with, “shut up, your Asian.”

1. I told my daughter that her friend L was not her friend. Why did she share your photo to the person, and add you to this group chat? There was an ulterior motive already to hate on you.
   
2. Thanks to social media, I was able to find most of the kids and their parents as they all play together on the same sports team.
   
3. Do I address this with school, because I’m concerned with my girl’s safety and continuing hate.
   
4. I am ready to message these parents, but seeing that they are all probably friends, what would come out of it?
   
5. My daughter messaged a few of them individually and parent dropped names. Some were apologetic and claimed, “they made me do it.” One of them straight up said, “tell ‘em…”
   
6. My girl messaged L and asked why she added her and why wasn’t she defending her. Why was she letting them be haters/racist. All she said was, “I know…delete the chat and block them…I don’t even know most of them and don’t even know why I was added..:” but she was the one who created the chat as she was the first message to say hi and of course, shared the photo she took of my daughter to one of the kids.
   

What would you do? This is new for us. my sister gave great advice in emailing the school resource officer and CC the principle. We are not ok with this and want to address this with their parents. Looked them up on linked in too and they seem like prominently professionals also.

Having read a comprehensive book detailing the Hart Family/ Stampede Wrestling, as well as books by Bret Hart, Bruce Hart and Dynamite Kid, I can say it was great to hear from someone who was spoken about in all those books. It is fascinating to see all the intersecting points of view when it comes to anything Hart Family related.
Bret Hart book
Bruce Hart book
History of Stampede Wrestling book
History of the Hart Family as documented in various books
Dynamite Kid book
This book was short and a quick read, but you could tell it was written with honesty and truth. She doesn't shy away from her own mistakes and issues while detailing the own POV on a relationship where most people have only heard from Bret.
As always, it's done in chronological order. I hope you find it as interesting as I did...
Julie had a truly wild and horrific youth experience between being sent to juvenile detention centers and dealing with genuinely abusive step parents. She is honest and critical of her own behaviors as well and doesn't like the choices she made. I grew up in the area where she spent her teenage years, and I can confirm that the seedy ghetto areas of Saskatchewan are genuinely gross and terrifying places to be when you're young and directionless.
She talks about how she was r*ped while hitchhiking as a teenager and got pregnant. She gave the baby up for adoption and tried to press charges but got cold feet and ran to another neighboring city. She was afraid the man who assaulted her would escape the charges and come after her again. She was young and naively thought that if she had just switched towns, she could escape everything. When a cop found her, he accused her of running because she was lying about the assault. This type of bullshit is why women don't come forward.
Julie was working in Regina, Saskatchewan, at the arena where wrestling was held when it came in town. That's where she first saw Bret Hart, and Bret saw her too. He ended up asking her boss Gil to introduce the two. Bret spoke about this in his book, too, how Julie caught his eye while he was in the ring. Gil later warned Julie that dating a wrestler is risky because they have a lot of "stops on the road." Julie didn't understand that Gil wasn't criticizing or accusing Bret of anything, but how he knew how wrestlers were on the road, in terms of meeting women.
Julie speaks favorably on how Bret treated her younger sister Michelle (the future wife of Dynamite Kid) but I remember in Bret's book, him describing in detail how attracted he was to the underage Michelle when he met her. Julie says Bret treated her like a sister, and her book came out after Bret's, so I'll take her word for it.
Julie moved in with Bret in Calgary just a few months into their relationship and she remembers being a wreck of nerves and anxiety ay the start, unable to cook or even attend the big Hart Family Sunday dinner. Eventually, Bret got her out to the Hart house where she met Stu and Helen Hart. Helen was a sweetheart, but she remembers Stu eying her up and down, with Julie saying, "He gave me the once over." Adding, "Stu judged women on their teeth and legs." She said Stu stared at her teeth and legs as if she were a race horse he was inspecting.
Julie remembers how Stu would turn any conversation into something about wrestling. She mentioned being a Saskatchewan Roughrider fan (Canadian football team), and Stu went on a rant about Gene Kiniski, who briefly played for the Edmonton Eskimos This made me chuckle as Stu and Gene had a but of a rough relationship since Stu gave up on Gene when he was a rookie and hurt his knee. Gene went to Toronto where "Whipper" Billy Watson essentially turned Gene into the big name star he was known for.
In Bret's book, he described the first night Julie came to the Sunday Hart dinner and when Julie passed on the salad, Bret's sister Diana Hart snapped on her saying, "What, you're too good for fuckin' salad!?" Bret says his mom responded by saying to Julie, "So you met Bret's sister Diana." In Julie's book, she describes this event as well but doesn't mention the funny line from Helen. She says Bret just took Julie and decided to leave immediately. Bret's other sister, Georgia, followed them outside and apologized on behalf of Diana and excused Diana by pointing out how pregnant Diana was at the time.
Julie actually puts over Diana quite a bit and says she actually came to admire Diana for how outspoken she was. She says Diana had a great style and was a gifted artist. After reading so many Hart related books, it's refreshing to hear something positive about Diana. Diana is the "Black sheep" who married "The British Bulldog" Davey Boy Smith. Diana would write a scandalous and legal minefield of a book in 2001 called "Under the mat." It was quickly pulled from shelves after Owen Hart's widow Martha threatened legal action over what was said about her and Owen. Bret and Bruce Hart also denounce the book, calling it mostly lies, but not everything can be written off as fiction, including stories, some wild stores about Dean Hart. I desperately need this book.
Julie said she never got over the sight of Bret Hart eating an avacado as if it were an apple.
While Bret was in Japan wrestling with his brother Keith, Julie said she spent a lot of time with Keith's girlfriend. It was Keith's girlfriend who smartened Julie up to how wrestling works. Up to this point, she believed it to be legit, and even Bret had been selling it like this to her. She was furious, and when Bret called, she told him they were done and hung up on him. The next day, Bret's older brother Bruce stopped by to help her understand kayfabe and how silly it all was. Julie says she ended up feeling bad for reacting like that and yelling at Bret, but she says he forgave her immediately. Bret tells this same story in his book, adding details of how Julie would worry and stress about Bret Hart being brutalized every night.
Here's something I dont remember from Bret's book. He knocked up Julie very early into their relationship, and Julie got an abortion. She said they both weren't ready for being parents, but Julie says she was deeply saddened by their choice. She never expressed these misgivings with Bret, and assumes Bret was relieved, she didn't make it any more difficult on them. To Bret's credit, maybe he didn't mention it in his book for Julie's benefit. Or he did mention it very briefly, and I missed it.
Julie remembers accompanying Bret on a trip overseas where they went to a freaky sex show place where they had "baby tigers and lions and torture rooms."" She says at one point Bret got tied up on a table and was playfully whipped.
On this trip, Julie remembers a woman hitting on Bret right in front of her and had to yell at her to back off while Bret laughed. Julie was pissed and made them go back to the hotel. Once there, Julie was mouthing off to Bret before he grabbed her and "bodyslammed" her into the flower bed. He offered to help her up afterwards but she told him to fuck off.
A week later Bret came home smelling of perfume and Julie says she just snapped. She said she grabbed him and dug her finger nails into his face and eyes. She says Bret later would tell her that he never saw her the same after this incident. I don't remember Bret describing Julie ever getting physical like that in his book, but he did describe a lot of shouting matches.
Julie says she and Bret got married after her younger sister and Dynamite Kid. She says they got married in secret because Bret didn't like his siblings much and said they didn't deserve to be part of it.
When Julie was pregnant again this time they felt ready to start a family. Though Bret made Julie not tell anyone for the first 5 months of her pregnancy and when he "told" his parents, it was through a letter he left on their bed before he left for a wrestling tour. Julie remembers feeling hurt by this because Bret would say his parents always wanted their children to start families with someone who had money, a significant name and an education. Julie had none of those things and while she doesn't say it, you get the feeling that she thinks Bret was ashamed or embarrassed by her.
When she got pregnant again, she says Bret was mad at her for not being more careful with birth control. She says she became very irritable and bitchy throughout the pregnancy and always found something to be mad at Bret for. She is super critical of her behavior here and doesn't excuse it.
The night she gave birth, Bret left to go out for drinks, despite Julie asking him not to in case her water broke. When she woke up at 5am to her water breaking, she was furious that Bret didn't come home yet and had to call a friend to get her to the hospital. Bret was a no-show for her entire delivery and missed his second child being born. Julie says she was furious and seriously considered divorcing him then.
When Bret started touring with WWF, he was gone for much longer periods of time and this strained their marriage. Working for WWF really put a strain on Bret and filled him with confidence issues as well. She said between his self doubt and her loneliness, their marriage was barely holding on.
She remembers how Bret would call from the road and bemoan about how lonely he was. I'm reminded of his book, how he would complain about feeling lonely, then complain that the guilt of cheating on Julie was too much.
Julie says she got a literal itch and went to a doctor who told her that she caught "something" from a public washroom. A suspicious Julie went home and threw all her bedding in the garbage and then thought to check on her suspicion. She looked through their phone bills to find that Bret was placing a ton of calls to a girl from New Jersey and that he even kept the receipt for a Christmas present he bought this girl!
Julie describes how Bret called and she just screamed "I want a divorce!" Before she hung up and ripped the phone cord out of the wall. Eventually she agreed to go meet him and they started yelling at each other in a parking lot after a show. She says at one point Bret through a can of budweiser at her head, hitting her! She says wrestler Les Thorton got between the two and tried to calm them down. She remembers screaming how she won't get in the car with Bret and Bret yelled back, "Don't be stupid, get in the car! Your embarrassing yourself!" She says Bret later said the girl meant nothing to him and Julie should be greatful that Bret isn't addicted to drugs. Wild. At one point when they were back in the hotel room, a girl called the room asking for Bret and Julie snapped, breaking a lamp.
In Bret's book, he described how he decieved both Julie and this girl from New Jersey, neglecting to tell this side girl that he was married until she was head over heels in love with him. Bret talks about how tough this was for him and says that Stu and Helen Hart talked Julie out of leaving him.
Julie says their relationship was never the same after the affair. She couldn't trust him again.
Julie says when her grandmother died a few months after the affair, Bret was calling her everyday to check in but she said "I couldn't have cared less about those calls."
Julie says it was around this time that she and Bret started to regularly do cocaine. She said the coke helped her not think about the affair and how she would ask Bret to score some if she couldn't get it out of her head. She said she would do coke and sleep in the car just to avoid Bret. She suggests this all slowed down when Vince started cracking down on coke use with drug tests.
She speaks highly of Vince McMahon, this book was written in 2013, and she is greatful for what Vince was able to provide for her family and the opportunity he gave Bret. She says when she first met Vince, he was wearing a suit and sneakers. When she asked Bret why he wore sneakers, Bret said "so he can get around." During the show she noticed Vince was all over the place during matches, never sitting still and always running around from one person to another.
Julie remembers meeting Ozzy Osbourne at Wrestlemania 2 and "marking out" because he was her idol as a teenager. After the show, she says Ozzy was present as everyone had drinks at the hotel and Dynamite Kid spiked her drink. She said she could barely stand and Dynamite just laughed at her the whole time.
Julie notes how devoted Bret was to making sure his kids had the best toys, and how Bret would drive to every toy store before Christmas and find what the kids wanted. She appreciates this but also wishes Bret didn't miss so many plays and dances and activities due to his schedule. She was starting to really resent wrestling and wanted Bret to quit. She hated having this big house that felt empty most of the time without Bret home. In Bret's book, he wanted her to get a job to fix her loneliness.
She says her 3rd pregnancy was easier than her second and Bret was very sweet to her and praised how good she looked.
Julie brings up how devastated Bret was when his brother Dean died in 1990. She remembers watching him wrestle the next night at Survivor Series ppv and seeing the pain on his face. Bret talks about how tough this was in his book and how much shame he felt. Dean needed a kidney transplant and none of the Hart brothers stepped up. Bret didn't want to derail his career. Though you can't blame anyone more than Dean himself, who was stubborn and often went against doctors orders, so even with a mew kidney, Dean may have still died.
Julie talks about continuing her partying and drug lifestyle into the early 90s when she would party with a local band and inviting them to live at her house. She said Bret was very understanding and never pushed her for details on those nights out. Some nights Bret would watch the kids all night while Julie was getting fucked up and partying.
On of those musicians, Marc, was very close with Julie and while Julie never says she hooked up, she does say her younger sister Michelle did hook up with Marc, a bunch of times in secret. She doesn't specify if this was before or after Michelle left Dynamite Kid, but she says Marc did move in with Michelle and help her with the kids. This would have been after Dynamite went back to UK, since I'm sure Dynamite would have kicked the door down and attempted to murder Marc if this were in the final months of of Michelle and Dynamite's marriage.
Julie's brother committed suicide and Julie didn't have the support system around to prevent her from spiraling into heavy drinking.
In 1996, Bret Hart was filming a movie (Sinbad) in South Africa and halfway through, asked Julie to come join him. Julie is very honest about how she was self sabatoging her life at this point but was still deeply in love with Bret. She was excited to read an early draft of some Shakespeare work that was at a museum, but Bret couldn't be bothered to go with her so she went by herself.
She says her and Bret shared a perfect moment watching the sun set, but Bret got mad at her when she decided to record it.
Julie describes sneaking cigarettes because Bret didn't know she picked the habbit up again.
The trip ended when Julie was asking Bret something but he just ignored her several times in a row. When she finally looked at what had his attention, she saw he was gawking at a topless sunbather on the beach. She stormed off to the hotel room after telling Bret to show her more respect than that. Julie says Bret followed her to the room, with him saying she always ruins these trips. When Julie started packing her bags, she says Bret pushed her hard onto the bed. She started spewing insults at him, before, she says, Bret grabbed her by the hair and threw her from the bed and onto the floor! Julie says she started crying and demanding that Bret get her home immediately or else she would find someone who would. Bret screamed at her "Get the fuck out! I've had it with you! We're fucking done! I will put you on a plane tonight, but don't expect to win me back!"
Having read Bret's book, he does mention the trip to South Africa where he filmed the Sinbad movie. But Bret makes no mention of inviting Julie on the trip and instead points out how it coincided with a WWF tour in South Africa at the same time. Bret does talk about how the Dutch found the area and how beautiful itnwas there, which was something Julie mentioned as well that Bret talked about. Bret does mention getting a lot of ladies phone numbers on the last few days of the trip and seeing a drunk Yokozuna swapping spit with some South African PR woman when they were both very drunk. Bret makes no mention of Julie being there or how he got physical with her.
The Hart's always try to shy away from controversial truths, just ask any one of them where Bruce Hart met his wife. They will all say at a wrestling show, and neglect to mention how Bruce Hart was a 33 year old substitute teacher who knocked up his 17 year old student. Gross. (I'll never not bring this up when talking about the Hart's btw)
Julie talks about Mathew Hart, Georgia and BJ's son who died in 1996 from Necrotizing Fasciitis, a legitimate flesh eating virus. From everyone's account, the poor boy suffered for 2 weeks until he died. Julie says she and Bret took their kids on vacation when the poor kid died. A lot of people act as though the Hart Family curse started at the Screwjob in 1997, but really it started with Dean in 1990 and Mathew in 1996.
Julie remembers how gleeful Bret was when he called her up and bragged about giving a drunken Vince McMahon his tag team finishing move. Julie warned Bret that Vince wasn't the type to forget that and she suspects that it played a part in the screwjob. This sounds silly imo but what do I know, I found it an interesting and unique take if nothing else.
Julie remembers the morning of the 1997 Survivor Series ppv, someone warned Bret that Vince and Shawn were seen the night before talking and getting into an elevator together.
Julie says she and her lawyer were sitting somewhere in the arena as the Montreal Screwjob happened. Julie says she got up, looking at the monitor and said, "Holy shit, that's not supposed to happen!" And her lawyer, also shocked, said, "No, it is not."
Julie says she and the layer had to sprint to catch up to Bret and Vince and she describes her scolding of Triple H and Shawn Michaels, saying the words just poured out of her. It's maybe the most memorable scene of that documentary, watching Triple H and HBK shrink into children as Julie dresses them down.
Julie says the 1997 holidays were anything but cheerful and says she was boozing a lot and doing coke "from time to time."
Julie wanted to get a nanny or house keeper but Bret refused and put his foot down on the subject.
Julie says Bret asked for a divorce in early 1998 and she handled it poorly. She is critical of her immediate response to run away from home and stay at a hotel. When she returned home for clothes, her confused daughter asked her what was going on and a rageful Julie said "Your dad wants a divorce and I can't stay in the same house as him anymore! Julie says she was so blinded by her anger she didn't see the damage she was doing then.
Julie says that the Wrestling with Shadow's documentary crew needed Julie and Bret to reshoot something that didn't come out right when they originally shot it. So Julie and Bret had to pretend to be a in a marriage again talking things out about Bret's career. Julie says her and Bret slept together after they shot the scene and she was hurt when Bret said afterward, "One for the road, I guess."
The next time she heard from Bret, he told her to get a lawyer because he had one already.
Julie says she and Bret spent many nights yelling at eachother over the phone, with Bret calling her a whore and saying he didn't take all those bumps so Julie to take all his money. This is a statement Bret would repeat a lot to Julie over the years of them fighting. He would call her a money grabbing whore and how he didn't take a bunch of bumps so Julie could end up with the money.
Just as Julie was ready to sign custody papers, Bret's personal assistant contacted Julie and told her that Bret had been seeing some girl in the States for months. The assistant said she felt guilty arranging their meetups behind Julie's back. Julie said she later told Bret that she isn't signing shit and she needed to contact her lawyers with the new developments. She said Bret first tried denying it, calling his assistant jealous and a liar. Then Bret blamed Julie because Bret said he "couldn't get past her traumatic past." What the fuck Bret, I'm pretty sure he is referring to Julie being sexually assaulted as a teenager. (He makes this clear later in the book) Then he bragged about his new girl looking better than Julie and being younger than Julie, with Bret also saying the kids will love the new girl. Bret even later said Julie was getting heavier and letting herself go.
Pretty wild story here. Julie says that Bret started neglecting the kids, even when he was in town, and often skipped out on seeing them altogether. For Canada Day 1998 Bret promised to take them out and to the fireworks. Julie says they waited all day, expecting a fun evening with their dad. But Bret didn't show up with their friend Dean, until after 9pm, (stoned and drunk according to Julie) after Julie tried to call Bret repeatedly and got no answer.
Julie isn't proud of this, but says before Bret arrived that night, Julie had sat the kids down and told them Bret was off smoking pot with a new girlfriend. Julie knew immediately she shouldn't have said it, she saw her kids starting to cry and knew she tarnished how they look at their dad.
Bret was pissed off that Julie decided to take the kids to the fireworks, and when Julie had herself and the kids in the car, an enraged Bret started punching the drivers side window until Julie agreed to get out and talk.
Bret grabbed and dragged her off around the corner of the house where Julie defiantly told him that the kids know he smokes pot and is seeing someone else.
Julie says Bret snapped, slammed her hard up against the wall and yelled, "You bitch! I hate you! I hate you!" Then Julie claims that Bret grabbed her by the throat and slammed her on the ground where he continued to choke her until their son Blade came around the corner and screamed at Bret to get off his mom!
As Julie was catching her breath, their friend Dean, who was still there and in shock, tried to help Julie up. Bret took off with their son Blade and a panicked Julie called the police. She foolishly said to the 911 opperater that her husband pro wrestler, Bret Hart, had taken her child againt her will. The police arrived and seemingly didn't know who Bret was, tried to get Julie to press charges. The police were able to call Bret and convince him to bring the kid to the police station, so the cops could bring him home. Bret makes no mention of this in his book.
Julie says Bret stopped by the next day and apologized and tried to ask her to sit down for coffee. Julie explained how they scarred their children for life the night prior and she wasn't interested in speaking to him in friendly terms yet.
Julie defends Bret a bit by saying she could see in person that she wasn't the cause of his anger and that he was just deeply angry and disappointed with things. This would be 1998 and even Bret describes how bitter and despondent he was at this time. Julie says he stopped being around the kids and it hurt them, especially their boys Blade and Dallas who started getting a chip on their shoulders and seeking conflict. One time Julie asked Dallas about Bret and Dallas said, "He never calls and is never around."
Julie says things were getting stable but she and Bret started secretly sleeping together again and complicated things. She says Bret would pick her up and drove to a seedy part of town before casually dropping her off at home after. She says she was initially amused by this but eventually began to wonder how many other women Bret does this with. It made her feel uncomfortable to say the least.
One time as she was being dropped off, Julie asked Bret if he was happy. Bret said no and that he couldn't get happy. Then Bret asked if Julie was seeing anyone, but didn't let her answer, he just said "of course you are." Julie realizes now that Bret was suffering some deep depression and at the time she mistook codependency for love.
Eventually Bret's other girlfriend caught wind of his and Julie's rendezvous and made Bret break things off. Julie could hear the woman on the other end of the line when Bret called to inform Julie that they need to set boundaries in their relationship now.
Julie says Bret once called her to say he tested for hepatitis and that Julie should get checked out as well.
Julie later found out that the girl Bret was seeing was nearly the same age as their daughter.
Julie says her and Bret continued to sleep together behind his girlfriends back though, with Bret always asking for "coffee" before making a move, which Julie always reciprocated.
Bret would break up with his girlfriend near the end of 1998 and ask Julie if he can spend the holidays with her and the kids. Julie relents, and soon they seem to be trying to salvage their relationship with Bret more present then he ever has been.
Soon after the new year, Bret and Julie take a trip together to Hawaii. Julie finally builds up the courage to ask Bret what he thinks of them getting back together, and Bret says he doesn't want to get "trapped" again. Julie snapped and said, "That's it I'm done, I can't keep playing these games with you!"
During this conversation, as Julie was walking away, Bret randomly said, "My therapist said that sometimes girls, like the ones your age when all that stuff happens to you, they like it." Julie burst into tears and ran out of the room. What the fuck Bret, to imply that that when his wife was a 16 year old girl, she liked getting r*ped!
Helen Hart died a few weeks after 9/11 in 2001. She was from New York, and Julie remembers how devastated Helen was following the September attacks. Helen went back to New York a few weeks later to visit her sister, but due to the border concerns, she was held up for hours after her plane landed back in Calgary. She wasn't able to reach her insulin and eventually went into a coma.
Helen was on an off ventilation a few times while at the hospital, and one day Alison (Bret's sister) called and told him to come visit asap, because Helen was back on a ventilator and it wasn't looking good. Bret thought Alison being an alarmist and decided to visit the next day. Julie says she wishes they had visited that night, because Helen passed away a few hours later.
One afternoon, Julie came home to find her son Dallas on the phone, when she asked him who he was speaking to, Dallas said, "It's dad, but he sounds drunk." Bret told Julie that he fell off his bike and couldn't get up. He wasn't speaking clearly and couldn't properly explain where he was. Julie and her daughter Beans, drove around looking for Bret based off his perception and directions.
Julie and Beans found him laying casually in the grass, as if he was resting. She said one of Bret's eyes was wide open and the other was closed, and half his mouth was dropping. She struggled to move him as he slurred his words and insisted he was fine. Eventually an ambulance was called and Bret was loaded in.
Julie says the stroke changed him, made him mooder and more depressed. She isn't casting judgment, just pointing out changes she noticed as she spent every day at the hospital with him, helping to feed and cloth Bret, even helping him to the bathroom.
Julie remembers one night that Bret confided in her that he feared he got a stroke as punishment for all the bad things he done. He told her that the morning he got a stroke, he was planning on signing the divorce papers.
Several months later, with Bret moving aorund more, he spent Easter with Julie and the kids, but Julie found an email from some woman in Italy, directed to Bret and it suggested some heavy sexual stuff. Julie felt stupid and used again. When she confronted him on it, he denied anything and she reluctantly believed him.
A week later as Bret prepared for a trip, she found a plane ticket to Italy, when she asked Bret where he was going, he said England. Julie drove him to the airport and told him to get the fuck out.
Bret went to Italy to be with a fan he met at a contract signing, who was obsessed with him since she was a little girl. Julie says she is exactly what Bret needed to feel like the Hitman again. After reading Bret's book, this assessment is completely accurate.
The Italian woman's name was Cynthia and she was also just a year older than Bret's daughter Jade. Julie said Jade had the hardest time accepting Cynthia, whom Bret was determined to integrate into the family.
When Bret's dad Stu died, Julie remembers how she, Bret and Stu's granddaughter Jenni all stood by the bed and watched as he passed. She remembers how she kissed his cheek and told him he could go see Helen now, he didn't need to be here and longer. I remember the speech Stu gave at Helen's funeral, with one line in particular staying with me, "I'm glad for the time I had with her," he said full of love, but his pain was on display too, "Ill never get over this" he finished solemnly, "I don't have enough time."
Julie remembers one day that their son Blade called her from Bret's house, begging for her to pick him up. Blade and Bret started arguing about Cynthia, with Bret saying to his own son, "Don't make me pick between you and Cynthia, because I'll pick Cynthia! And if you don't like it you can get the fuck out!"
Julie started calling Bret "Hitman" when he acted like this to his children, with Julie telling them that their father still loves him and not to worry about what The Hitman says, because it's coming from a broken mind.
One day after Julie bought a house, Bret randomly showed up with a turkey and tried to hit on her. Julie found it amusing and asked him if Cynthia knew he was there. Bret tried to make a move on her but Julie made it clear that won't happen so Bret left. As he left, he told Julie, "I still have cravings for you and I'm not sure I'll ever get over them." To which Julie just cooly responded with, "You will."
After Bret left that day, Julie called his assistant who confirmed that Cynthia was literally on a plane back to Italy right then. Julie laughed at how pathetic it was for Bret to say goodbye to Cynthia and then an hour or two later, show up at Julie's with a turkey and looking for sex.
Bret secretly married Cynthia and months later told the kids after the fact. Their son Blade was so furious he could barely speak to Julie when he got home and eventually blurted out, "Dad married that girl!" Their other son Dallas was also furious and explained how Bret callously told the kids "tell your mom, make sure you tell your mom." He was clearly trying to hurt Julie and used the kids to do so.
When Bret was inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame in 2006, Julie insisted on going and told Bret if he doesn't find a way for her to be there, then she would call Vince McMahon herself and arrange it. Bret promised her she would be there but asked her to be discreet about it.
Julie got asked to do an online interview leading up to the Hall of Fame, and she let slip that she would be at the show to support Bret. Later, an irate Bret called her, yelling about how she was supposed to be discreet. Julie clued in on the fact that Bret didn't tell his new wife yet about Julie coming and now he was in hot water. In the end, Bret refused to allow Julie to come to the Hall of Fame to support him.
In Bret's Hall of Fame speech, he just talked about his new wife and how Cynthia was there for him after his stroke and just put her over big. He didn't mention Julie and only mentioned 2 of his 4 children. She says her children were extremely hurt by this and calls it the ultimate betrayal.
Julie started running low on money in 2008 and even attempted to be on a reality show. It was all a BS scam though and she had to invest money into it and eventually it all fell through. She speaks of this with a bit of shame while framing it as something she learned from.
Julie was facing bankruptcy and foreclosure on the house, so as a last resort, she called Bret. She asked him for 9 grand to cover 3 mortgage payments so she can sell the house. Bret chastised her for having money problems before ultimately saying no. He suggested that she rent the house out or have the kids pay rent. As they left, Julie warned him that if she loses the house, Bret may need to take the kids at him place. She doesn't say what he said to this, but she does say, "His response was too cruel to put into writing." Good lord, considering all she told so far, I wonder what Bret said that was so bad, Julie didn't want to even write it down?
Julie does point out that Bret didn't owe her a damn thing and she was in this situation by her own doing. Julie felt like she was letting her kids down most of all.
Julie would move in with her daughter Beans where they split the rent together. She got a job making $14/hour working as a janitor at a local middle school and Julie notes that she was living well below the poverty line.
Julie remembers how absurd it was for her to show up to her janitor job driving a Lexus.
Julie ended up selling her Lexus to her daughter Beans, and Julie bought herself a 1999 Sunfire. It was the first car she ever bought with her own money.
Julie's father died in 2012 and Julie says she wrote a letter to him, promising to make him proud, and stuffed it inside his coffin.
Julie says she spends most of her days being a grandma to Jade's daughter and how grateful she is to be close to her kids still.
Bret can't say the same, Julie notes how he travels alone or with his wife and never offers invites to his kids. She says it breaks her heart to see how far Bret drifted away from their children, even if all her kids insist that they don't care. This was in 2013, so potentially Bret and his kinds could have a better relationship by now.
Julie spends the last several pages of the book detailing her kids and all the ways she loves them. You can tell she is a mother first and foremost, you can tell she loves them unconditionally. Jade, Dallas, Beans and Blade, weird names for kids but I also have a weird name so I can't judge.

This is a long story, so please bear with me. I have two siblings from my mom (M, 37, and F, 31). I have others, but they are distant after my father’s death. We all have different fathers who were all pretty much deadbeats in their own right. I am the youngest of my mothers at 27. My sister and I were abused by our older brother physically while our mom left at home to chase guys. Also, my mother was verbally abusive. My sister got it worse, but she still would call me fat, sloppy, disgusting, and dumb. She has wished the r word on me. So am I the GC?
My entire life, I was the “good kid”. Not because my mom showered me but because I did more with what she gave me. I was the nerdy kid, while my brother was very popular, and my sister was bullied and then became popular because of her looks. I was overweight with low self-esteem. I have now lost 130 lbs, which my family then accused me of starving myself, so I can’t win.
All of us was not supported in school. I ran away several times due to feeling neglected at home and never having any help with school. My siblings failed school and obtained their GEDs later in life. I was homeless during my junior year, so I was forced to miss the second half of school. Therefore., I had to do summer school, online school, and regular school to graduate. I was under the guardianship of my mom's brother at the time, who was more stable. My sister stayed with our mom, and our brother was with his girlfriend. I didn’t live with my brother cause I was in HS in the state next to where my brother was. I didn’t want to change schools as the one I was at was better and the one my brother lived near was ghetto and would lead me to trouble. After a bunch of trials and tribulations, I graduated high school. It took several stints of homelessness with my mom; I can remember doing my homework in cars or these dirty motels. I was determined to have a better life. My sister moved with my brother since she dropped out of school but he continued his verbal abuse when she was there even with them being adults.
I always had good grades, and my mom would brag about me (sometimes exaggerating/lying my achievements making me feel like what I actually did wasn’t good enough). However, she never helped me achieve these accomplishments. My sister, who is older than me, seems to be infantilized. My mom counts on her when I don’t want anything to do with her but talks very poorly about her. My brother was always a knucklehead. He’s a deadbeat father, a woman beater, and an alcoholic, but he gets passes because he’s her only son.
After graduation, I got my place, and my sister and brother lived with me. I was a supervisor at a hotel and got my sister a job there. I was 18. I took a gap year to earn money for college.
I eventually set my sights on a great school. It was 10 hours from my home town. This is where stuff takes a turn. I was 18, making all the decisions for myself. I had no money, and coming from a poor background, my financial literacy was awful. I wanted to get away as far as possible. The school that was my top choice and the farthest away was the most expensive but very prestigious and complicated to get into. It has been my dream school since I was a kid. I could never imagine attending as I thought only rich people could attend. I wound up getting an acceptance, which shocked my entire family. This is when my mom's bragging reached an all-time high. I became the family star who will be this big-time lawyer.
However, to get to the school, I made the worst decision of my life. My mom had to take out a Parent Plus loan to help. I had full scholarships to other great schools, but they were too close to my family, and this school was my dream. Mind you, I wasn’t wise about debt and thought my mom was doing a good thing for me. But it turned out, this was an investment that would make her feel I owe her for the rest of my life. Throughout school, any refund check I would get a lot would go to her or other struggling family. Not once did I receive money from anyone while in college. Before school, I had a GoFundMe set up to help me get school supplies, which my mom then took for herself.
I spent all the money I made while working after school to get everything I needed, including dorm/school supplies and clothes. My mom drove me 10 hours to help me move in. Another thing she holds against me. I was getting hit by so many family members to send them money. This was before I even graduated college. At this point, my mom and sister are living with my mom's coworker because they were all evicted from the place I left since they couldn’t pay. My sister has been infantilized, so she was just codependent on my mom despite being in her mid-20s. My mom didn’t teach us how to drive, my current fiancé had to teach me. My sister still doesn’t have a license but I am teaching her now.
By the time I graduated, I became the person who carried my entire family on my back. Uncle, mom, brother, and sister all needed money. I met a person in college who is my fiancée currently. And we lived together for three years alone until I got pregnant. During my pregnancy, my mom cons me out of $2000 with some lie that she will go to jail if she doesn’t pay something. These big expenses always come out of nowhere and she always makes you feel like you have no choice or she will either be homeless, hungry, jailed, or worse. Despite my giving my mom money, she lied to everyone and said I told her to prostitute for it, which made no sense. I had to call my family to defend my name and prove that I’d been helping her. Money after money gets sent with no progress in her life. This manipulation, while I was pregnant, put a huge strain on our relationship as she didn’t care about stressing her pregnant daughter out. It caused me to have a miscarriage scare due to stress. I went NC for a few months, then contacted her first near Mother’s Day.
Fast forward to the end of my pregnancy, my sister and mom moved in to help me with my son after a break between my son's father and me. My older sister currently still lives with me two years later. My mom lasted a year before she had to go to my brothers because she couldn’t stop lying and getting combative when I tried helping her.
I always defend my sister whenever my mom is mean to her. I was never the kind of GC that tore down my sister. I always tried my best to help her. However, she is almost like an 18-year-old in a 31-year-old body after years of being infantilized and abused. She lives in a shell.
My mom has hit complete rock bottom. She has burnt every bridge and no one wants her at their home. She has nowhere to go and has been going back and forth between my older brother(whose home situation is volatile) and my home. My sister and my mom both lived rent and food-free while they helped with my son. However, I am still super present and intentional with my son, so I became overwhelmed with caring for many people.
Today, a year later, after several mental breakdowns, financial strains, and arguments with my partner over my mom's lying and manipulative ways, I reached my breaking point. I discovered that despite helping my mom, the thousands of dollars I sent her, and assisting a child she failed to raise get her life on track, my mom is telling everyone I owe her $200K in loans, which is exaggerated and a lie. I am responsible for only a third of that amount, which, still, I wouldn't say I like because this is the only thing she has over me. She has some from going to different schools and not finishing, which happened 3 times. Either way, no one would know we had any loan together if it wasn’t for her.
I yelled and cursed at my mom. She lied straight to my face and said that the only way they know is because my uncle looked at her paper work like wtf. He wasn’t even the one who told me. The only reason I allow my mom to visit is because of my son. She came in and was only supposed to be here a week, and it has turned into a month. She drove with someone and wasn't honest about the state of her car and that her travel companion had already returned to our hometown. My mom lies and says the girl left her out of nowhere, which my brother confirms is a lie; my mom knew the girl was not riding back with her. and he told her not to drive her car before she left his house to go to mine due to the condition. She had no way to get back to my brothers, so my fiancé and I had to pay for her a way to get home and to get her car shipped to her. She leaves tonight at 11 PM on a train.
Oh, did I forget to say she has dementia? She keeps lying about her official diagnosis. She said she no longer has it LOL. She has it. The past year, everyone noticed. But it’s hard to help someone who lies about everything. Or feel sympathy for a manipulator who throws the good things she has done in your face and forget the good things you did for her. She was like before the dementia. She has lied about having cancer and HIV. This time, it is real. My uncle and aunt, who works with patients, noticed it before me.
He told me that it was going to get worse. He also said that it has always been my mom plan for me to take care of her when she gets older. I was her retirement plan. Now she has no money, no job, piles of debt, no car, no stable home and dementia. Everyone is looking at me to take care of her. All the pressure is on me now. And everyone thinks I owe it to her because she has told everyone about the loan and how she helped me move into my dorm. However, she has never provided me with stable housing, unconditional love, taken me to appts, or helped with school.
Is this what being a GC look like? What should I even do with my mom? Should I try to pay the loan in her name and go NC? There’s no way I can pay that loan and still send her money for daily living. She is sucking me dry. My fiancé and I make good money but not rich. She is here, but we aren’t talking. My fiance feels uncomfortable by her presence. He grew up way more peaceful and stable than I did. His parents are wealthy, have been together for 30 + years, and are loving and supportive. He tried being loving and friendly to her, only to be bashed and lied to. Her issues throw him off completely. Everything she says is lies or negative. I have told her to go to a community center or church or somewhere that can help her find resources. I’m exhausted from trying to provide them all while being lied to constantly.
This is super long and all over the place. I don’t know what to do. I am the only person who has a good income in my family. I am tired, and so is my fiancé. I still feel that pit in my stomach that she is my responsibility, and I owe her, as she always echoed. I don’t know whether to give her a Mother's Day gift. This may be a vent. I am new to this sub and read all the other stories that encouraged me to share—wishing peace and healing to everyone.
TL;DR Potential Narcissistic mother is at rock bottom with dementia. I am potentially the GC who she has plotted on to be her caretaker from the beginning. I just turned 27 and am responsible for my immediate family, although I am the youngest. I am already exhausted as I am just starting my family and have a one-year-old son to focus on. My mom lies and years of neglecting her own life are now coming down on me, but I am mentally spiraling from all this responsibility and taking care of older siblings who are also trying to get life together. Oldest brother is toxic and unstable as well. Nmom has burnt all other bridges with family so no one wants her to stay with them.

My fiancé and I have been looking at purchasing a home the past few months, because of our credit situation we were mainly looking towards owner financed/land contract type situations.
Fast forward to a week ago and we had found the perfect home, low downpayment and low monthly payments. It was in a great area near a private school, anything you could need was a 5/10 minute drive but it didn’t feel like you were living in the city, it honestly seemed too good to be true.
After talking to the seller of the home I thought maybe things were a little shady. He’s from a completely different state, and his social media profiles looked a little sus. I went to the courthouse and pulled the property records and confirmed it was his name on the property to be sure, the down payment was cheap but not cheap enough we could afford to be scammed out of it lol.
After confirming it was indeed his property and a few other additional details we set up a viewing for this morning. Because of him not living in state he was going to have an acquisitions manager and the person that had redid the home meet us there which we had no problem with. We actually thought it would be great to be able to speak with the person who did the majority of repairs.
This morning, 5 minutes before we were to show up is where things took a left turn. On the way to the property the owner contacted and let us know the acquisitions manager wouldn’t be able to make it, we had already made the majority of the trip so we said that was okay and we would still be there on time. A few minutes after that he sent a message letting me know the repair man was there and expecting us and to get in touch after to figure out a day we could meet with the title company if that’s what we wanted to do.
We arrived and my fiancé went and stuck his head in the garage to check it out. The garage doors were open and that was the feature he was most excited about lol. I went to the side door and knocked as I didn’t see anyone outside on the property and was unsure if I should just walk in. My fiancé walked over after checking the garage, mind you it was a good 4/5 minutes and I knocked multiple times in this timeframe.
My fiancé tried the doorknob and it was unlocked, we stepped into the doorway and called out and waited there as we didn’t want to end up scaring the person who was also there.
A man came CHARGING around the corner at us screaming saying we should have knocked, word for word “what are you thinking walking up in houses in the ghetto?”, we tried to explain that we had knocked multiple times and when the door was unlocked we assumed it would be okay since he was supposed to be expecting us?
The man just wouldn’t hear us though. I’m not even sure he WAS the repair man as he was in there in a wife beater, jean shorts, no shoes or socks on and smoking a black and mild in a freshly re painted and re carpeted house. I turned to my fiancé and we must have shared the same brain for a second because we both immediately walked out, got in the car and left.
The owner called me before we even made it home and also said how rude it is to just ‘walk in’ someone else’s property. He called me entitled and a child and said we were lucky nothing happened to us?
EVERY other showing we’ve set up, we’ve either been met in the driveway or outside by the person showing or we knocked and walked into the entrance saying hello, usually they just got caught up in reorganizing or cleaning in between showings. We genuinely thought that was the way these go but that man lost it like we had entered his personal property without permission, are we the AH?

So I live in a stand your ground state. I went into a Wal Mart where I was harassed by a woman following behind me shouting obscenities and derogatory remarks at me because I allegedly "almost" accidentally hit her with my shopping cart. Which Is totally bullshit and even then she started cursing me out before I could even apologize so it was fuck her. She kept walking by talking shit so I told her to STFU and went on about my day
I see her again and she continues her verbal insults. Even the Youngboy she had with her told her mommy stop cursing. I told her it's sad her child had more sense then her
Anyway I ask for a manager and of course the shitty Wal Mart employee look at me like I'm crazy but had a man been in Wal Mart pulling that shit with a woman he'd be in jail for harassment or thrown out the store immediately.
The lady gets in my face, and acts like she's tough and gets her phone out and says she going to call someone to blow my brains out, obviously I told her to make my day, but i noticed that the young child she had with her had become upset so i said to myself this isnr worth it and walked away because i genuinely felt bad for making the kid cry, its not his fault his moms a fat mentally throwed ghetto piece of trash
security comes. Stands over me at self checkout. Went to pay for my shit and the card declined because I had it locked and they turned hostile and refused to let me pay for my groceries after I told them it was because the card was locked.
This 6'6 tall black dude who's was asset protection threatened me saying "you buck up at me and I will lay you out, cus any man going back and forth with a woman is a pussy". He did this because I looked at him btw. Then he asset protection buddy says to him, "oh I want him to do something " like these assholes are waiting to hurt someone.
So I tell him fuck him self and that there only doing this because there protected by the store and that they won't come outside the store with that shit. So they follow me out the store, so I say your following me? Then asset protection dudes buddy was like "yeah you said come outside so we about to see what's up" so it 2 asset protection guys and actual security following me now.
I had half a mind to turn around and drop there ass right then and there but I wasn't sure if that would be murder
So the 6'6 guy is outside the store and where just going back and forth because I'm waiting for him to make some kind of move so I can drop his ass like a bad habit and send him where he belongs. He just stood there calling me out my name and shit and was just running his mouth trying to coax me into swinging on him. So I pulled out my camera phone to record because at this point I'ma just show Wal Mart the threats there asset protection team is making and how this dude is just abusing his position. As soon as I put the camera on him he stops with the threats and tough guy talk and starts acting diplomatic and then talks about how he going to criminal trespass me if I step behind "the red line" which I was told he can't even criminal trespass me without the police being present and that didn't actually commit any crime.
Could I have shot him when he made the initial threat to me inside the store or after he followed behind me in the store and him and his buddy where following me "to see what's up" or when he stood out in front the store making threats.

When the lights shut off And it's my turn to settle down My main concern Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me
I said when the lights shut off And it's my turn to settle down My main concern Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me
I woke up this morning and figured I'd call you In case I'm not here tomorrow, I'm hoping that I can borrow A peace of mind, I'm behind on what's really important My mind is really distorted, I find nothing but trouble in my life I'm fortunate you believe in a dream This orphanage we call a ghetto is quite a routine And last night was just another distraction or a reaction Of what we consider madness, I know exactly what happened You ran outside when you heard my brother cry for help Held him like a newborn baby and made him feel Like everything was alright and a fight he tried to put up But the type of bullet that stuck had went against his will As blood spilled on your hands, my plans rather vindictive Everybody's a victim in my eyes When I ride, it's a murderous rhythm and outside became pitch black A demon glued to my back whispering, "Get 'em" I got 'em, and I ain't give a fuck That same mentality that told my brother not to duck In actuality, it's a trip how we trip off of colors I wonder if I'll ever discover a passion like you and recover The life that I knew as a young'n in pajamas and dun-ta-duns When thunder comes it rains cats and dogs Dumb niggas like me never prosper Prognosis of a problem child, I'm proud and well devoted This piru shit been in me forever So forever I'mma push it, wherever, whenever And I love you 'cause you love my brother like you did Just promise me you'll tell this story when you make it big And if I die before your album drop, I hope (gunshots)
Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me I said when the lights shut off And it's my turn to settle down My main concern Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me
You wrote a song about my sister on your tape And called it Section.80, the message resembled "Brenda's Got a Baby" What's crazy was, I was hearing about it But doubted your ignorance how could you ever just put her on blast and shit Judging her past and shit, well, it's completely my future Her nigga behind me right now asking for ass and shit And I'mma need that forty dollars even if I gotta Fuck, suck and swallow in the parking lot Gonzales Park, I'm followed by a married man, a father of three My titties bounce on the cadence of his tinkling keys Matter of fact, he my favorite 'cause he tip me with E's He got a cousin named David and I seen him last week This is the life of another girl damaged by the system These foster homes, I run away and never do miss 'em See, my hormones just run away and if I can get 'em back To where they used to be then I'll probably be in the denim Of a family gene that show women how to be woman Or better yet, a leader, you need her to learn somethin' Then you probably need to beat her, that's how I was taught Three niggas in one room, first time I was tossed And I'm exhausted, but fuck that "Sorry for your loss" shit My sister died in vain, but what point are you trying to gain If you can't fit the pumps I walk in? I'll wait Your rebuttal a little too late And if you have a album date, just make sure I'm not in the song 'Cause I don't need the attention bring enough of that on my own And matter fact, did I mention that I physically feel great? A doctor's approval is a waste of time, I know I'm straight I'll probably live longer than you and never fade away I'll never fade away, I'll never fade away, I know my fate And I'm on the grind for this cake, I'mma get it or die trying I'm eyeing every male gender with intentions of buying You lying to these motherfuckers, talking about you can help 'em With my story, you can help me if you sell this pussy for me, nigga Don't ignore me, nigga, fuck your glory, nigga...
When the lights shut off And it's my turn to settle down My main concern Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me I said when the lights shut off And it's my turn to settle down My main concern Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me
Sometimes I look in a mirror and ask myself: Am I really scared of passing away? If it's today, I hope I hear a Cry out from heaven so loud it can water down a demon With the holy ghost 'til it drown in the blood of Jesus I wrote some raps that make sure that my lifeline Reeking the scent of a reaper, ensuring that my allegiance With the other side may come soon, and if I'm doomed May the womb help my mother be blessed for many moons I suffer a lot, and every day the glass mirror Get tougher to watch; I tie my stomach in knots And I'm not sure why I'm infatuated with death My imagination is surely an aggravation of threats That can come about, 'cause the tongue is mighty powerful And I can name a list of your favorites that probably vouch Maybe 'cause I'm a dreamer and sleep is the cousin of death Really stuck in the schema of wondering when I'mma rest And you're right, your brother was a brother to me And your sister's situation was the one that pulled me In a direction to speak of something that's realer than the TV screen By any means, wasn't trying to offend or come between Her personal life, I was like, "It need to be told" Cursing the life of twenty generations after her soul Exactly what'd happen if I ain't continued rappin' Or steady being distracted by money drugs and four- Fives, I count lives all on these songs Look at the weak and cry, pray one day, you'll be strong Fighting for your rights even when you're wrong And hope that at least one of you sing about me when I'm gone Am I worth it? Did I put enough work in?
Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me I said when the lights shut off And it's my turn to settle down My main concern Promise that you will sing about me Promise that you will sing about me
(Promise that you'll sing about me forever Promise that you'll sing about me for-ooooh) Promise that you'll sing about me forever Promise that you'll sing about me for-ooooh Promise that you'll sing about me forever Promise that you'll sing about me for-ooooh
"Nigga, the homie's brother-- nigga, right here, he gone, my nigga, he gone!" "Nigga-- they just killed the homie's brother, my nigga. We right here on the block, my nigga." "Al- alright, nigga-- nigga just come-- alright, alright, just call me back, man, just call me back." (Hangs up) "Arghh... *fuck!* ...So what we gon' do, my niggas? What we gon' do?" "Bro, we can go back right now, my nigga. Like... nigga, I don't give a FUCK, my nigga. We can go back right now.*" "Fuck! I'm tired of this shit! I'm tired of fuckin' runnin', I'm tired of this shit! My brother, homie!"
Tired of running, tired of hunting My own kind but retiring nothing Tires are steady screeching, the driver is rubbing Hands on the wheel, who said we wasn't Dying of thirst, dying of thirst, dying of thirst
Dope on the corner, look at the coroner Daughter is dead, mother is mournin' her Strayed bullets, AK bullets Resuscitation was waiting patiently but they couldn't Bring her back, who got the footage? Channel 9, cameras is looking It's hard to channel your energy when you know you're crooked Banana clip, split his banana pudding I'm like Tre, that's Cuba Gooding I know I'm good at Dying of thirst, dying of thirst, dying of thirst
How many sins? I'm running out How many sins? I lost count Dreams of balling like Spalding But only shotty bounce The reaper calling, I'm cottonmouth Money is power (money is power) Yours is ours (yours is ours) Lay with a snitch, die with a coward Hope we get rich, hope we can tower Over the city with vanity with the music louder The same song, a black flower I'll show you how to dye your thirst, dye your thirst, dye your thirst
What are we doing? Who are we fooling? Hell is hot, fire is proven To burn for eternity, return of the student That never learned how to live righteous but how to shoot it Tired of running, choirs is hummin' Tell us to visit, we lying 'bout comin' Now back to business, loading the guns in Back of the Buick, your hood is feuding, and the beef is bubblin' It's no discussion Hereditary, all of my cousins Dying of thirst, dying of thirst, dying of thirst
Too many sins, I'm running out Somebody send me a well for the drought See, all I know, is taking notes On taking this life for granted, granted, if he provoke My best days, are stress days (Lord, forgive me for all my sins for I not know...) My best days, are stress days Say "Fuck the world, " my sex slave Money, pussy and greed; what's my next crave Whatever it is, know it's my next grave Tired of running, tired of running Tired of tumbling, tired of running Tired of tumbling Back once my momma say "See a pastor, give me a promise What if today was the rapture, and you completely tarnished The truth will set you free, so to me be completely honest You dying of thirst, you dying of thirst So hop in that water, and pray that it works"
Fuck! I'm tired of this shit! I'm tired of fuckin' runnin', I'm tired of this shit! That's my brother, homie! ("Young man, come talk to me! Is that what I think that is?) I know that's not what I think that is Why are you so angry? See you young men are dying of thirst Do you know what that means? That means you need water, holy water You need to be baptized, with the spirit of The Lord Do you want to receive God as your personal savior? Okay, repeat after me Lord God, I come to you a sinner (Lord God, I come to you a sinner) And I humbly repent for my sins" (And I humbly repent for my sins) I believe that Jesus is Lord (I believe that Jesus is Lord) I believe you raised him from the dead (I believe you raised him from the dead) I would ask that Jesus come into my life (I would ask that Jesus come in my life) And to be my Lord and Savior And to be my Lord and Savior) I receive Jesus to take control of my life" (I receive Jesus to take control of my life) And that I may live with him from this day forward (And that I may live with him from this day forward) Thank you Lord Jesus for saving me with your precious blood (Thank you Lord Jesus for saving me with your precious blood) In Jesus name, amen (In Jesus name, amen) Alright now, remember this day: the start of a new life Your REAL life.

I had a friend of two years who recently turned 16, we'll call them m. They go by all pronouns. I'm f17 and we were inseparable, we spent the summer bed rotting together and smoking. Opposites definitely attract, m is bipolar and has anger issues, little things that didn't matter would make him fly off the handle, like his mom making him wear leggings to a chorus concert but he didn't like the way he looked in them. I used to dread going over there, because I'm triggered by yelling but no matter what someone was always yelling. One time m and his mom got in a huge fight and when we got upstairs her step dad's kid and her niece came out of the room, I believe both are around 5. "What are you doing in my room? I told you to stay out of my fucking room!" Not yelling, screaming. Anyways, I'm more shy and quiet. I bottle things up and also get irritated easily but I hold it in. I'm also extremely sensitive, nearly anything makes me cry. I know it sounds like I'm just trying to make them sound like a bad person, but this is 100% facts. So now the real story starts, I planned going to a birthday party of an old friend's I haven't seen in a long time a week prior and planned to go to m's house after. I usually went over every weekend, sometimes week days as well. Awhile after I was there I realized it was time to go before we even started drinking, so I asked m if I could come a little later at 10 and he said yes. This is where he starts to complain, saying he doesn't even see the point of me coming if it's so late since it was a Saturday, and he was sober and I would be fucked up. I understood this and said sorry repeatedly and offered to sneak him one of the 7 joints for the party (I know, shitty thing to do but I've turned a new leaf and I don't steal from people anymore). She said no it's fine, just don't get too fucked up and I promised her I wouldn't. So we start drinking in a circle and it goes pretty fast. Before I knew it I took 5 shots and after that I said I was fine and didn't need any more. So then we start playing music and having a good time, meanwhile later I'm still texting m trying to make things right by making small talk. The whole thing kind of stressed me out and I went down to the bathroom and just sobbed about everything before throwing up in the toilet and passing out hunched over with my head leaning on the toilet seat. I'm pretty sure one of the girls kept knocking on the door and I didn't answer so she walked in, it's a good thing I didn't lock it. She felt super bad and said don't worry and went to get the rest of the girls. I wake up again to the girls talking over each other and pulling my pants up for me, also tying my hair back. One of the girls made me eat bread before carrying me out to my sister's car. I'm pretty sure what happened is my sister came to pick me up but I wasn't answering my phone and that's how they found me but I'm not sure. Anyways they carry me out to my sister's car and I apologize refusely to both the girls and my sister. My sis told me it'd be alright and she told mom and she's not mad. I slept in my mom's bed for awhile and she kept waking me up to drink water or make sure I wasn't dead. Eventually I went back to my room and fell asleep again. When I woke up I felt so ashamed, the first thing I did was go to text m to apologize. But when I opened the chats I was greeted with a few paragraphs of m cussing me out and telling me I ruined all her plans. She also went to my previous messages of me promising I wouldn't drink too much and responded with the laughing crying bitmoji. I didn't see this until after I unblocked her but I'll get to that soon. I send a voicenote saying I came to apologize but nevermind and I was using the night as an opportunity before going sober after the weekend. She said "nice excuse" and we argued a little after that, I can't remember about what but I defended myself and mentioned I almost had to go to the ER, and I couldn't believe her first instinct after my mom told her I passed out was to cuss me out. I blocked her on everything and about a month goes by. I get a message on Instagram from m saying "hey noya, I'm sorry. I'm a bad person for not caring about you in a situation like , an I hate that it took time for me to realize that. I'm sorry and it's okay if u don't forgive me." These were split into seperate messages and automatically I thought it was the shittiest apology ever, especially her saying she was a bad person. But I also missed m so I gave her the benefit of the doubt, I said it was okay and I'm not trying to beef or anything but I need distance because he hurt me. I can't remember the messages after that but we made a comeback and decided we would talk about our feelings more since every time we fought we would just pretend like nothing happened after, and our friendship felt really fake. So we're talking regularly for awhile and I fell into a really deep depression that I'm still somewhat in. I reached out to him twice and made plans but they both got cancelled so we just continued texting. After awhile I notice his name won't come up when I search it on snap. I kind of just brushed this off as a glitch even though it kept happening, ig I just didn't want to believe it and I was too scared to ask him. But on April 22nd I realized it was m's bday right before texting him and asking if he blocked me, and I wasn't mad I just wanted to know and anyways happy birthday. He replied "yeah i did, not putting effort into someone who don't even think about me, I blocked like a month ago lol u jus notice. ANYWAYS. THANKS." To which I said I have been thinking about her every day and missed her, and I told her I was going through shit and I was pushing everyone else away as well, and I didn't want to make plans without the right energy and I'm sorry I suck at making plans. About half an hour goes by and still no response so I reply "nvm then lol, All u do is play the victim, I shouldnt be the one putting effort in just bc I passed out. And you still think I did it just to piss u off bc u seem to think everything someone does is just to piss u off. Hopefully one day you'll realized what a two faced selfish piece of shit u are, happy sweet 16". Then and old friend of ours who just recently started hanging out with us again so m could use him for his dab pen messages me after I block m. We'll call her j. J and m dated for awhile and their relationship is VERY TOXIC. J lied about M r*ping her, threatened to sell m's nudes, cheated on his girlfriend, became racist and homophobic and detranistioned for his long distance bf and much more. And now they're friends, wtf. J also used to be one of the weird gay kids like us before doing her edges and acting tough and hanging out with the ghetto girls. She's white, btw. Anyways she pretended to want to hear my side of the story and I knew she was faking it but I just wanted to rant so I did. She basically just said I was in the wrong because I promised not to get too drunk and I cut her off. I said "are you sure you're not friends? Because it sounds like you love her". She said " keep it cute I know where you live" and all I can remember after that is me telling her everyone in my life agrees with me and they're actually good people before blocking her.
I think I should just mention this was my third time drinking, first time drinking pink whitney and first time passing out. She acted like I've done this 1,000 times and did it just to ruin her plans when she's been shittier than me in the past. She's also only been drunk once. I want to believe I'm not the asshole but recently I'm starting to blame myself more for it. An entire 2 year close friendship ended because of alcohol.

Hello everybody, I'm a Dutchman who's an aspiring rapper and underground DJ in the Netherlands (name is DJ Whigga, in case you're interested in looking up my music!), and I am planning on visiting the mecca of hip hop, NYC, in June!
To complete my transition from being a Dutchman to a New York rapper, I've watched movies like Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing and the Notorious B.I.G's rap videos, and I would like to take a tour of what is referred to as "the hood", which is where the most powerful rap and hip hop is created, and "ghetto superstars" emerge. Where can I go? I would like to experience life in "the hood", complete with assault, arson, robberies, race riots, scantily clad curvy women with attitude twerking in front of bodegas, gunshots ringing throughout the day, and police sirens wailing at night. The rougher the hood, the better. Are there any guided tours of "the hood?" Or do I need to come up with my own itinerary? Any help will be appreciated!

When I seen the prompt for this booking, two ideas came to my head. The first was Samoa Joe, who would have went on a complete run of dominance similar to when he arrived in TNA. The man I've went for however is Christopher Daniels, who unlike the other big names in TNA at the time like Jarrett, Joe and Styles, never actually had a full run in the company. This then sparked my interest and as to what would happen if he did decide to jump over to the WWE in the Ruthless Aggression era.
To begin this booking, Daniels needs to be taken out of TNA somehow, and I've decided that his last appearance would take place at Destination X where he'd originally have won the X-Division title in a Fatal-4 way match and would be the start of his, at the time, longest X-Division title reign. Instead, Daniels would go on to lose in this match and news would soon break that his contract has expired with TNA as he looks for a new place to call home. Dirt sheets claim that Daniels looks for a return to Japan but this all changes once vignettes begin airing on WWE television after Wrestlemania, taunting the arrival of a "fallen angel" to WWE, which to casual fans means nothing, but to a certain percentage of wrestling fans, they know where Daniels is headed next.
Daniels makes his debut at Backlash, appearing at the top of the ramp following the opener between Shelton Benjamin and Chris Jericho for the IC title. Benjamin tells Daniels to get in the ring and come face to face with him but he opts to just stand at the entranceway, appearing to have his eyes fixated on Benjamin and not the title sitting on his shoulder, making the Fallen Angel's intentions unclear on his arrival in the company.
Daniels opens the RAW after Backlash, feeling glad to finally be at the promised land of wrestling, a place where he can be his best while wrestling the best. His promo is cut off though as the man he confronted the night prior, Shelton Benjamin, comes to the ring and ask Daniels why out of every man on the roster and every match on the show, he decided to come out after his match. Daniels is able to give Benjamin a real good answer, telling him that when he watches him wrestling, he sees something unique. A talent like no other. A talent that should be sitting where his OVW classmates, John Cena and Batista are sitting at right now. But no, Benjamin's not doing that at all, and the reason? He's lost. Benjamin looks at Daniels like he's a crazed man, telling him he's not lost at all and that's evident through the fact he's been holding the IC Championship for the past 200+ days. Daniels admires that he's been champion for so long, but what happens once he loses the belt? Daniels just wishes to give Benjamin some guidance, lead him onto bigger and better things in the company. Benjamin calls Daniels insane, instantly rejecting his offer and telling him he's gonna prove he's not lost in the Gold Rush Tournament, starting his run tonight with the first match against Shawn Michaels.
Daniels appearing near the end of this match, where it actually appears like Benjamin is going to pull off the upset but a Sweet Chin Music out of nowhere quickly fades his dreams to dust as Daniels enters the ring, approaching Benjamin in the corner with a mic and offering his hand out to him, telling him he can guide him in the right direction. Benjamin isn't wanting to hear any of it though and slaps his hand away before rolling out of the ring and walking up the ramp with shame on his face.
Daniels' debut match would come on the next episode of RAW, facing Val Venis and beating him in just over two minutes with the Angel's Wings. Daniels grabs a mic following this win and in a similar manner to last week, approaches Venis with his hand out who actually accepts it and makes it back to his feet. Daniels speaks, telling Venis that when he looks at him, he sees a sad, pathetic man who has no direction in his career. Daniels is fine with this though, and tells him that he is here to guide him to superstardom. Venis tells Daniels he's grateful for the offer, but declines it. Daniels looks at him with disgust on his face as he begins pummeling Venis, driving him into the corner and stomping down on him but Benjamin rushes to the ring as he comes to blows with Daniels for the first time, driving him out of the ring and raising the title up, essentially telling Daniels he has the belt and he can't have it.
Daniels and Benjamin come face to face once again on the next RAW, with Benjamin genuinely wanting to know what Daniels deal is. Why is he asking people to join him when he knows nothing about how to climb the ranks in WWE? Daniels says he might not know as much about WWE as most on the roster, but what he does know is how to lead. Take a good guy and make him a great guy. Take a great guy and make him a star. Benjamin isn't convinced, but tells him that if he wants to put his money where his mouth is then next week he should appear at ringside alongside Benjamin in his IC title match against Christian. Daniels and Benjamin shake on it, but the tension is clearly felt between the two men.
Benjamin and Christian have their match on RAW and as promised, Daniels is at ringside trying to guide Benjamin to a win. Things look rough for Benjamin in this bout, almost looking to feel pressure with Daniels at ringside. The win looks to be set for Christian, looking to hit the Killswitch but in a last gasp effort, Benjamin manages to push both himself and Christian through the ropes and out of the ring. Daniels goes over to check on Benjamin as Christian pushes him away, wanting to win the IC title desperately. He rolls Benjamin in the ring as the ref checks on him, giving Daniels the perfect opportunity to HIT A LOW BLOW ON CHRISTIAN!! He rolls him in the ring as he shouts at Benjamin to get the cover, who does so and retains his title in the process.
Benjamin thanks Daniels for the win on the next edition of RAW, but Christian has a bone to pick with the two of them, demanding he gets a rematch after Daniels' low blow cost him the match. Benjamin is confused, asking Daniels about it but he flat out denies it. Christian is able to show proof though as Benjamin comes face to face with Daniels, but Christian isn't going out that easy, telling both men that he wants them in the ring tonight. Benjamin doesn't seem so willing to be defending his title two weeks in a row, but Daniels is up for the fight, telling Christian that if he wins, he can get his match against the both of them next week for the IC belt. Benjamin doesn't like Daniels calling the shots but he reassures him it's gonna be alright.
RAW, 6th June 2005:

• Christopher Daniels vs Christian (If Christian wins, he faces Daniels and Benjamin next week for the Intercontinental Championship)

The first big match for Daniels here as he looks to silence Benjamin's competition and keep his protégé running strong. They go at it in the opener of the show for 11 minutes, with Daniels getting to show off his abilities in the ring unlike his debut match with Venis. Christian wrestles like a man on a mission though, wanting to add another IC title reign to his record and by the end of the match, he looks to be getting one step closer to that as he sends Daniels face first into the canvas with the Killswitch and pins him for the 3 count, getting his title match next week.
Result: Christian def. Christopher Daniels by pinfall (11:06) (As Christian won, he faces Daniels and Benjamin next week for the Intercontinental Championship)
We jump to the night of the triple threat match as Benjamin and Daniels confront each other backstage, with Benjamin clearly furious that Daniels couldn't get the job done last week. Daniels gives Benjamin some reassurance however, telling him that this is all part of the plan and with him making it a triple threat, there's no way things could go wrong. Benjamin wouldn't have it any other way as he walks away from Daniels, barging into him as the Fallen Angel lets out a grin before getting the last preps in for the match.
RAW, 13th June 2005:

• Christopher Daniels vs Shelton Benjamin (c) vs Christian for the Intercontinental Championship

We make it to the match and all three men are standing in the ring, with Daniels focusing on Christian whilst the other two competitors have their eyes on both opponents. The bell rings as they begin circling the ring, with Christian jumping out of the ring and telling Benjamin and Daniels to go at it. Benjamin looks ready to fight but Daniels rolls out of the ring, chasing after Christian who rolls in the ring and gets taken out by Benjamin. Daniels essentially watches on the outside, almost acting as a manager in the match despite being an official competitor, only getting involved when Christian finds himself on the upper hand.
Things would change however once Benjamin confronts him on the outside, pushing him repeatedly before launching a right hook which causes Daniels to snap, driving Benjamin into the barricade and the steel steps. The shackles appear to be off the Fallen Angel now as he takes the fight to both men for the rest of the bout, but his focus still doesn't appear to be on the Intercontinental Championship as he never seems to capitalize on his biggest opportunities. However, he does end up breaking up Christian's pin on Benjamin following a Killswitch, leaving everyone confused as to what his motives are in this match. The match would come to a head after 14 minutes, with Benjamin hitting Christian with a T-Bone Suplex BUT DANIELS THROWS HIM OUT OF THE RING AND GOES FOR THE COVER..1..2..3!! DANIELS HAS STOLEN THE IC TITLE FROM BENJAMIN!! HE HAS PLAYED HIM LIKE A FIDDLE!!
Result: Christopher Daniels def. Shelton Benjamin (c) and Christian to win the Intercontinental Championship (14:23)
A mighty impressive feat for Daniels despite only being in the company for just over a month, and one he feels the need to celebrate as he opens the next edition of RAW to a thunderous reign of boos. Daniels acknowledges the boos, and tells the Phoenix crowd that he did it. He exposed Shelton Benjamin as the fraud he truly is. Without his belt he's now nothing and once he comes out to the ring which he knows he will, he'll prove him right even more. Right on cue, Benjamin makes his arrival to the ring, clearly pissed off at Daniels for what happened the last week. He begins by telling Daniels he can't believe he fell for his stupid trick to gain the belt, but once the rematch rolls around he'll put it right back where it belongs. Daniels just begins laughing, with Benjamin asking what's funny. Daniels ends up calling Benjamin predictable, knowing that once he came to the ring the first thing he'd mention was his belt. He tells Benjamin that he never wanted the belt in the first place, he wanted to prove a point. That point being that Shelton Benjamin is nothing without something to cling onto. First it was being Kurt Angle's lackey. Then it was tagging with Haas as the "World's Greatest Tag Team". And now its the Intercontinental Championship. Essentially Daniels is telling Benjamin he can't be someone without clinging on to something else. He can't put himself first, there is always something that makes him relevant and now without the belt he's irrelevant. Benjamin is done with the talking, lunging at Daniels and displaying an aggression never seen before from him as he plants him with a T-Bone Suplex and tells him he'll see him in the ring on Saturday at Vengeance.
Vengeance 2005:

• Christopher Daniels (c) vs Shelton Benjamin for the Intercontinental Championship

Benjamin jumps Daniels in the corner right from the get-go, clearly showing his intentions of getting his title back. Daniels reverses the pressure onto Benjamin though, bringing him down to the mat and essentially toying with him, using his newfound aggression against him as he tries slowing the pace of the match down to a level he'll enjoy. It's a back and forth tussle in the opening minutes of the contest, with neither man really showing signs of dominance as they slip back and forth into reversals and agile moves that really impress the crowd. The match progresses on and it continues to look even throughout, although the intensity has increased significantly, with both men desperately trying to outmaneuver the other in an attempt to win the match.
They both attempt to put the match away on multiple occasions, with Benjamin coming closest following a Superkick for a 2 count. Daniels can't get close to hitting the Angel's Wings however, with Benjamin evading every time and even reversing it INTO A T-BONE SUPLEX!! 1..2..KICKOUT!! BENJAMIN WAS MILLISECONDS AWAY FROM TAKING HIS TITLE BACK!! Benjamin looks bewildered at this point, wondering what the hell he could do to keep Daniels down for the 3 count. He takes a second to himself but suddenly Daniels theme song plays. Benjamin looks up the apron in confusion as a cloaked figure begins walking down the ramp before standing on the apron, with the ref trying to get him away from ringside. Benjamin's focus shifts for a second, with this being just enough to cost him the title as ANOTHER CLOAKED FIGURE SMASHES THE IC TITLE OVER HIS HEAD!! Daniels crawls over to the cover as the cloaked figures run away, with the ref counting..1..2..3!! DANIELS RETAINS THE TITLE BUT THE BIGGER QUESTION IS WHO ARE THE MEN WHO HELPED HIM WIN?!!
Result: Christopher Daniels (c) def. Shelton Benjamin by pinfall to retain the Intercontinental Championship (12:49)
Daniels rolls out of the ring as the cloaked figures stand at either side of him, revealing themselves to be ELIX SKIPPER AND LOW KI!! TRIPLE X IS REUNITED HERE IN WWE!!
Triple X open the RAW after Vengeance, with a lot of mystery surrounding what the hell happened in the IC Title match. Daniels first of all gives gratitude to Skipper and Low Ki for their assistance at the event, and understands the fans are confused. Why did they help him retain the title? Daniels says his aim when he arrived in WWE was to guide a lost wrestler into becoming a star. Clearly he didn't realise the toxic atmosphere he was entering, with no-one accepting his calling. Luckily for him though, he had some friends on the outside who wanted in and were willing to leave everything behind to become the top guys in WWE. The first step in this path to glory is rebirth, and for Daniels he has decided to rechristen them as The Fallen Angels. He orders the fans to stand and cheer for the new stars of WWE but they get booed heavily instead. The crowd's reaction quickly changes though once BENJAMIN MAKES HIS ENTRANCE WITH A HEAVY LOOK ON HIS FACE!! He rushes the ring and begins taking on all three men, but quickly gets mauled down as the Fallen Angels make a statement on to the entire roster that they aren't to be messed with.
The Fallen Angels are then seen backstage the next week, interrupting Bischoff and Benjamin discussing a fair rematch for the IC Title. Daniels tries to dispute that the contest was fair but even a blind man could've seen what happened, with Bischoff deciding to book Benjamin and Daniels next week in a title rematch, and to ensure no outside interference, it'll take place inside of a steel cage. Daniels storms off as Benjamin is left with a big grin on his face, but will Daniels be able to wipe that off his face next week and keep the belt away from Benjamin?
RAW, 4th July 2005:

• Christopher Daniels (c) vs Shelton Benjamin II in a Steel Cage match for the Intercontinental Championship

If there's a time and place for Benjamin to win the title, it's here. A patriotic Sacramento crowd rally Benjamin on, who dawns the red, white and blue for Independence Day. Daniels however isn't feeling the festivities, opting to wear only black as he enters the USA themed steel cage, making sure the title stays a fair distance away from Benjamin. The bell sounds and they waste no time getting into this contest, throwing shots at one another before Benjamin takes the upper hand and begins throwing Daniels from one side of the cage to the other. He continues mounting pressure, not letting Daniels get an inch as our champ is clearly in trouble.
He uses his heel tactics to get through this bad spell though, throwing the occasional poke to the eye or even tying Benjamin up in the ropes to stop him from attacking. They would both have their big moments in this match, kicking out of each other's finishers and stopping each other from climbing out of the cage. The match would culminate with Benjamin and Daniels duking it out in the middle of the ring, showing heavy fatigue from the brutal 17 minute encounter. Daniels almost appears to get the advantage with a big rolling elbow BUT BENJAMIN DELIVERS A SUPERKICK OUT OF NOWHERE!! Daniels falls to the mat as Benjamin sees this as his opportunity to escape the cage, wanting to win the title in the most satisfying way possible. He makes it to the top of the cage, but Daniels is surprisingly willing himself up to his feet. Benjamin notices this and realises Daniels could still make it out the other side so he JUMPS OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE BUT NOONE'S HOME!! Daniels managed to back up in time as Benjamin crashes and burns, with Daniels deciding to add the final touches with AN ANGEL'S WINGS!! 1..2..3!! DANIELS RETAINS THE BELT INSIDE THE STEEL CAGE!!
Result: Christopher Daniels (c) def. Shelton Benjamin in a Steel Cage match to retain the Intercontinental Championship (17:32)
Now with Benjamin in the rear view mirror, The Fallen Angels appear on the next RAW, with Daniels laughing at the fans who believed he wouldn't be able to retain in the Steel Cage. He admits that he did take the title off Benjamin to try make him into a better man, but now with the belt on his shoulder the past few weeks he's taken a liking to it and has decided he wants to keep it. Permanently. That's not the biggest topic of discussion though, as he promised Low Ki and Skipper that when they arrived in WWE, he'd turn them into stars. And with the IC belt on his shoulder, he's decided the best way for them to become stars is to get championships of their own. This leads to Daniels calling out The Hurricane and Rosey, telling them to get to the ring and defend their belts right now against the Fallen Angels. They don't get the answer they want, with the Heart Throbs coming out and claiming they should be the No.1 contenders to the belt, and not these ugly new guys. Lance Cade and his new tag partner Trevor Murdoch are out next, wanting to make a big impact and taking the titles off the champs right off the bat. The teams begin bickering, which eventually turns into fighting after Low Ki unleashes a deadly kick to Antonio, with everyone else fighting it out after as Daniels exits the ring and watches the carnage from the outside...
...or so he thought as BENJAMIN ATTACKS HIM FROM THE CROWD!! HE STILL ISN'T DONE WITH DANIELS AS THEY BEGIN BRAWLING AROUND THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!! The tag teams eventually spill to the outside as Daniels and Benjamin take centre stage, continuing on from their match last week as security and Bischoff are forced to come out to stop the brawl. Bischoff looks around the ring and notices a load of people brawling, which gives him the idea. Benjamin clearly wants another shot at the belt, and Daniels wants him away from the belt full stop. So, next week, Daniels will defend his title against Benjamin once again IN A LUMBERJACK MATCH!! Daniels looks disappointed in this decision, but this look quickly changes once Bischoff announces that if Benjamin loses next week, he can't challenge for the IC title as long as Daniels is champion. Benjamin has a look of dread on his face as Daniels tries softening him up for next week but Benjamin manages to avoid and drives him down to the mat with a T-Bone Suplex before locking eyes with the IC title, knowing he has one last chance to take the belt back home.
RAW, 18th July 2005:

• Christopher Daniels (c) vs Shelton Benjamin III in a Lumberjack Match for the Intercontinental Championship (If Benjamin loses he can't challenge for the IC title as long as Daniels is champion)

Three seconds. That's all it's gonna take for Benjamin to either get his prized possession back, or lose and have no direction for his career. Daniels walks into this match with a heavy smug on his face, clearly feeling confident about his ability to beat Benjamin for a third time. Benjamin has determination on his face, but clearly masking the pressure on him to actually come out with the win in this match. Most of the RAW roster arrive next to take their spot at ringside as the match gets underway, with the two men locking up in the centre of the ring. Their athleticism shows in the early moments of the bout as they try wearing each other down early with holds and light strikes to pace themselves, but Benjamin decides to take it to a pace of his own liking, something which would eventually cost him control of the match as he'd get dumped to the outside and beaten by the Fallen Angels until they get driven away by Cade and Murdoch, allowing Benjamin to get back in the ring and continue to fight against the odds.
He would manage to turn the match on its head, taking control of the match and showing signs of promise as Daniels' cockiness quickly fades, with Benjamin outwilling him and showing a greater determination to win the bout. Daniels would end up having his fair share of run ins on the outside as well, but uses the Fallen Angels to protect him which leads to all hell breaking loose as the tag champs get caught in the crossfire when the Heart Throbs and the Fallen Angels are brawling, leading to almost everyone fighting on the outside. Daniels gets away from this chaos and enters the ring where HE GETS HIT WITH A T-BONE SUPLEX!! 1..2..KICKOUT!! Benjamin punches the mat in anger, wondering what on earth he can do to come away with this win. He takes a minute to think, but amidst the chaos a steel chair is thrown into the ring, with no signs of who did it. Clearly taking this as a sign from God himself that he should use it, he picks it up and looks set to use it, but can't seem to bring himself to do so, not wanting to win the title in a shady manner. Daniels capitalizes on this softness, hitting Benjamin with a low blow before PLANTING HIM ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR WITH ANGEL'S WINGS!! 1..2..3!! CHRISTOPHER DANIELS REMAINS IC CHAMPION!! BENJAMIN'S DREAMS HAVE FADED TO DUST!!
Result: Christopher Daniels (c) def. Shelton Benjamin in a Lumberjack match to retain the Intercontinental Championship (12:08) (As Benjamin lost, he can't challenge for the IC Championship as long as Daniels is champion)
Daniels is in a celebratory mood here tonight, but there is still some business to attend to, with The Fallen Angels being placed in a Fatal-4 Way match for The Hurricane and Rosey's tag belts. He cuts a promo before the match, telling the WWE universe that he's feeling confident in his protégé's abilities to take home the belts. He then shifts his focus to his own state of affairs, stating that now he's planning on keeping this IC championship, he needs challengers for it. However, when he looks at RAW and their roster, he doesn't see much talent. Despite this, he has been told by Bischoff that tonight there will be a No.1 contenders Battle Royal main eventing tonight to decide the next challenger to the belt. Daniels welcomes the challenge, knowing he can beat anyone in that locker room.
The tag team title match takes place first in the show, with The Fallen Angels, The Heart Throbs, Cade and Murdoch and Hurricane and Rosey all fighting for the tag belts. They stand out as the most technical wrestlers in the match, standing head and shoulders above the whole competition. Fate would not be on their side though, with Hurricane stealing the pin from Skipper in the dying moments of the bout.
As for the battle royal, it's every man for themselves as they all gear towards a shot at the prestigious Intercontinental Championship. A few names stand out in the match, including Kurt Angle, Carlito and Edge, but the match would surprisingly be won by Matt Striker, who pulled off the upset by eliminating Angle last. Daniels is impressed by this and enters the ring to congratulate Striker, but it quickly turns sour as Daniels hits him with the Last Rites, leaving him lying in the center of the ring as he walks up the entranceway with confidence oozing out of him.
RAW, August 1st 2005:

• Christopher Daniels (c) vs Matt Striker for the Intercontinental Championship

Daniels comes into the match cocky as ever, knowing a jobber like Striker won't do anything against him. He even offers Striker a free hit before laying a beatdown on him, telling him he's nothing and he never will be. Daniels decides that he wants to end this match quickly, attempting the Angel's Wings BUT STRIKER HITS THE GOLDEN RULE OUT OF NOWHERE!! Daniels manages to roll out of the ring before Striker can get to the pin. He goes on to the outside, putting his heart and soul into trying to beat Daniels, utilizing everything on the outside he can before bringing him into the ring before the 10 count. This would be the end of Striker's momentum though, with Daniels becoming more vicious than before, essentially toying with Striker before pulling out a BME to finish the match and retain his belt.
Result: Christopher Daniels (c) def. Matt Striker by pinfall to retain the Intercontinental Championship (4:31)
Daniels wouldn't stop after the match, bringing the Fallen Angels down as they initiate a 3v1 assault on Striker, using weapons to try and put him out of action permanently. The Hurricane and Rosey rush to make the save but at that point Striker's ankle was already shattered by a steel chair, with The Fallen Angels instead taking the tag champs out and holding all 3 belts in the air, showing what the future could potentially hold for the trio.
Next week, the Fallen Angels are out in the ring and clearly have a lot on their mind. They address the attack on Striker, labelling it necessary to show him he should stay away from trying to put himself in scenarios he doesn't belong. He then moves on to the tag champs, calling them out and telling them that his men will be getting a rematch after the shenanigan's involved last time. Bischoff comes out and announces that the Fallen Angels would be facing Hurricane, Rosey and a mystery partner. Daniels is not having this, telling him he wants the tag title match tonight, not a 6-man tag. Bischoff says he's saving the rematch for a later date which visibly makes Daniels angry. He asks Bischoff who the mystery partner is, but Bischoff won't tell him anything.
RAW, August 8th 2005:

• The Fallen Angels (Christopher Daniels, Low Ki and Elix Skipper) vs The Hurricane, Rosey and ???

The Fallen Angels wait to see who they have to face as the tag champs arrive first. They enter the ring with massive grins on their face as the Fallen Angels just want to know who they're facing. Everyone waits in anticipation as ROB VAN DAM IS THE MYSTERY PARTNER!! HE'S NOT MEANT TO BE BACK FOR MONTHS!! RVD rushes to the ring as the 6 men begin going at it, with the fans all chanting for RVD as this appears to be a genuine surprise for them all. Daniels and RVD take center stage in this match, putting on a show when they're both in the ring which leaves the fans wanting more as RVD would eventually pick up the win in this bout, hitting Skipper with the Five Star Frog Splash to win his return match.
Result: The Hurricane, Rosey and Rob Van Dam def. The Fallen Angels by pinfall (10:42)
Daniels is seen in Bischoff's office next week, complaining that they were disadvantaged because they didn't know about RVD's return. RVD interrupts, telling Daniels that he shouldn't just be worried about losing the 6-man tag last week because now he's back, he's coming for gold and he wants that IC title. They get in each other's faces, with Bischoff holding them back and telling them if they want to fight, they can do it tonight. Daniels agrees to it, but only if he doesn't have to defend his title. RVD is fine with this, not wanting to take things for granted immediately and says that once he beats Daniels in the center of the ring, he'll take his IC title match.
RAW, August 15th 2005:

• Christopher Daniels vs Rob Van Dam in a non-title match (If RVD wins, he gets an IC Championship match)

These two continue to steal the show as they both continue what they started last week. The match is fast paced and stacked with plenty of action which makes the fans only want more. We get a 12 minute match here as they are given enough time to put on a show, with multiple near falls and high risk maneuvers throughout the contest. In the end however, Daniels would spike RVD on the mat out of nowhere with a Brainbuster before dragging him to the corner and going for the BME...BUT RVD ROLLS OUT OF HARMS WAY!! They both make it to their feet as RVD HITS THE VAN DAMINATOR!! He climbs to the top rope as the roof has blown off the arena, with RVD HITTING A 5 STAR FROG SPLASH!! 1..2..3!! RVD HAS PINNED THE IC CHAMP!! HE'S NEXT IN LINE FOR THE BELT!!
Result: Rob Van Dam def. Christopher Daniels by pinfall (12:18)
Things may be looking down for Daniels, who now has to defend his title at Summerslam, but it's not all bad for the Fallen Angels, with Low Ki and Skipper having a confrontation with the tag champs, Hurricane and Rosey. They state their claim for the belts, wanting a rematch against them at Summerslam, which the champs are happy to accept before a brawl begins between the two teams, with Low Ki and Skipper standing out on top over the tag champs.
Summerslam 2005:

• Christopher Daniels (c) vs Rob Van Dam II for the Intercontinental Championship

Daniels is way more focused in this bout than on Monday, knowing there is a legitimate threat to his title reign. He takes control in the beginning of the bout as they perform a sequence of grapples before the fight is quickly taken to the outside with both men falling through the ropes. The pace picks up here, with RVD managing to one up Daniels by performing a unique crossbody off the apron. He tosses him in the ring following this and goes for a quick cover which only gets a 1 count. RVD mounts the pressure onto Daniels, although displays some signs of cockiness over the champ. This would cost him a tremendous amount of momentum as Daniels is persistent on wanting to retain his belt, upping the ante as the match becomes very level headed.
Entering the second half of the match and it's still not clear who's going to win this bout. Although Daniels shows a greater drive to win the bout, RVD comes closest to winning the bout, almost gaining a 3 count after hitting a Rolling Thunder. Daniels won't go down without a fight though, and becomes more ruthless with his attacks, even going deep into his arsenal to unleash a Koji Clutch to try and make RVD tap. He breaks out of it though, and drops Daniels with a Van Daminator. The crowd rally him on as he climbs up the ropes, doing his signature taunt before HITTING THE FIVE STAR FROG SPLA...DANIELS WITH THE KNEES UP!! RVD bounces right off his knees, rolling around the ring clutching his stomach as Daniels gets up to his feet and DROPS RVD WITH THE ANGEL'S WINGS!! 1..2..3!! DANIELS RETAINS HIS BELT IN A GREAT CONTEST!!
Result: Christopher Daniels (c) def. Rob Van Dam to retain the Intercontinental Championship (15:37)
Later on in the show, we see Low Ki and Skipper taking on Hurricane and Rosey for the belts. Daniels joins them at ringside as they appear to dominate, but all of a sudden something snaps in the champs and they take control of the match, completely flipping the match on its head and almost winning the match on numerous occasions. Daniels is forced to get involved in the match, but is eventually driven out as RVD rushes to the ring, brawling with his opponent earlier in the night and driving him into the crowd as the fight takes them away from the ring. With Daniels gone, you'd think The Fallen Angels would crumble, but they actually manage to comeback and in a massive moment, take the titles from Hurricane and Rosey, with Low Ki hitting the Ghetto Stomp on Hurricane for the win. Daniels rejoins them, grabbing his belt as the three men pose at the top of the ramp, all holding gold as part 1 comes to an end.

Dark plots, fantasy, SoL, and ect. Looking for all!
You can call me Ty, I’m a 20 year old male who loves to roleplay. I have a couple plots as well as rules and all that boring stuff.
Rules~
1~don’t come into my dms with a hey, wanna rp, hi, or anything that’s like one sentence. Tell me a bit about your self and what kinda roleplayer you are, if you have any plots. It’s not needed but a sample of your writing is great.
2~ please no minors.
3~ semi lit to advanced lit. I’m looking for someone who can ATLEAST write a well detailed paragraph but I prefer more but that’s up to you.
4~ please use real face claims and not anime, drawings are ok as long as they are semi realistic.
5~ 3rd person only.
6~ discord only.
Ok those are all my rules. I’ll share a few plots here however I have more in my notes so if none of these intrest you let me know and we can find something or come together and make a plot that fits us both.
Plots~ 1~ A weird situation.
Your my brothers ex wife however your vacation was already planned before the you caught him cheating. We’ve been friends since children and I was the one who introduced you to him. Both our ocs are from West Virginia and the vacation is in New York or somewhere else.
You decided to go and so did I however were from different classes as I’m often getting in trouble with the law and my big brother is a successful businessman who’s rich. I am youngest child and the second oldest brother is who bought my hotel room but as I get to the hotel a couple minutes before you I find out my hotel room was canceled and I have to sleep on the couch of the penthouse room you got. (Long term, slow burn, SoL, drama, present time, romance.)
2~ Polar opposites.
Two people with cybernetic powers both “lab rats from the same lab.” My character has advanced past the center and sent out to be allowed to roam and live life, being called for “jobs” any escaped test subject he would hunt down and kill or bring back alive. Your the prodigy of a doctor named Markus Shizuoka. A woman made from an embryo.
One day she escapes from the facility breaking out and seeking her freedom. My character gets the job to seek a hit out on her. He tracks her down and captures her but after seeing just how strong she is he has a plan he’s always hated the facility. (More in depth on his bio once we start.) he helps her get back at them by blowing up the facility. We decide what happens after. (Long term, action, romance, sci fi, semi futuristic, slow burn, rough topics)
3~ The broken love.
Your a new hire to a rich ceo of a rich man who’s married. Your his secretary. Recently him and his wife have been falling out of love. They tried having a kid but that only made it worse after the miscarriage.
The relationship you have with him is completely platonic atleast for now. He has a huge business trip coming up in Japan and what a better way to fight for his marriage by then take his wife with him. Plot twist she makes up a reason to not come. He already bought two tickets and decided to ask you to come with him. You agree and we decide what happens in the mean time.
The trip ends up coming up short from him not booking the hotel long enough so they head back. He comes home to his wife cheating on him and now needs a place to stay. Where will he stay a hotel, the house of his intern, or the office. (Long term, slow burn, drama, sol, modern times, romance.)
4~ The toxic man. !
You meet a man at a bar. Extremely good looking, well spoken, has money. You get into him talking to him getting to know him exchanging numbers. For some reason you can’t get your mind off him and you can’t figure out why.
He ends up being extremely toxic, cheating, lying, keeping secrets about how he has money. (It would great for you to also be toxic and maybe a bit crazy for him.) (Long term, sensitive topics, slow burn, drama, romance, modern times.)
5~ the restraunt A new restaurant opens up in the ghetto’s of Chicago. Serving breakfast from 7am-4pm. You play as a new higher and I’m the owner of the restaurant. However both The restraunt and I have a dark secret I’m a arms/drug dealer using the reatraunt to launder money and sell drugs and guns. (Long term, romance, dark themes.)
Hi thanks for reading my post, I can’t wait to hear from you all and hope to hear from you soon. Have a great day and if you have ANY questions what so ever don’t be scared to dm me. Have a great day or night!

“Clown killed by Bus,” was the headline on the morning news. They even showed a picture of the clown in his full getup. Superimposed under the image was the name, “Jingles.”
That was definitely the guy, Lee realized. Puffy green jumpsuit, orange tufts of hair on the sides of his head, and a big red nose. Pretty typical for a clown. The only thing that distinguished him was a scar running down the side of his cheek. Too deep for his thick white makeup to obscure completely.
“We’re very upset,” one of the carnies told a reporter. “Jingles was beloved by all, and he will be deeply missed.”
Lee found that hard to believe. The day before, he and his son, Kevin, had a run in with Jingles at the local carnival. Kevin wandered off while Lee was busy buying them both ice cream cones. Panic struck for a moment as Lee scanned the crowd. Then he spotted Kevin about thirty feet away, talking to a clown.
So much for, “don’t talk to strangers,” right? Maybe Kevin was under the mistaken impression that clowns were exempt from that rule. Lee rushed over, almost colliding with a teenage girl holding a stuffed pink teddy bear.
The instant he reached his son, Lee was struck with the stench of booze. It nearly took his breath away. Judging by the smell, the clown must've just taken a dip in a barrel full of whiskey.
“Remember,” Lee heard the clown say to Kevin, “keep that tucked away in your pocket!”
“What tucked away?” Lee asked as he walked up to them.
“Oh, um,” the clown stammered.
Lee demanded to see what was in Kevin’s pocket. The boy reached into his coat and pulled out a piece of bubblegum.
“Christ,” Lee thought to himself. His son had literally taken candy from a stranger.
He turned to the clown and said, “Listen, giving my kid candy really isn't appropriate.”
“Oh look,” the clown said, “I didn't mean anything by it. I'm a clown, you know, it's what I do. I'm Jingles, the…”
“No you're not,” Lee said, cutting Jingles off before he could finish his sentence. “You're just some freaking weirdo, so stay away from my son alright?”
Even for Lee, who wasn't exactly known for his subtlety, that came out a little harsh, confrontational enough that it immediately wiped the smile off Jingles’ face.
“Listen asshole,” Jingles said to Lee, “I wasn't gonna do anything to your stupid kid.”
Things escalated quickly after that. The ice cream was the first casualty. There was shouting, a couple of f-bombs, then pushing. Kevin started crying at some point. Jingles wound up knocked flat on his ass. Blood trickled out from under his bright red nose.
Finally Security showed up and got things cooled down. Lee demanded that they fire Jingles. “Guy is drunk for crying out loud,” Lee told a customer service representative.
By the time it was all said and done, the carnival refunded Lee his price for admission. The people in charge kept saying, “We're very sorry sir,” over and over. Lee was fairly certain that Jingles wouldn't be going back to work the next day.
He had no idea just how right that prediction would turn out to be.
“Sources say that Jingles had been let go from his job after an altercation with a customer,” the reporter concluded, ending the segment.
Well, that wraps up that then. It’s not like Lee wanted the guy to die or anything. That said, he did cross off every box on the, “creepy clown,” checklist. Still, death seemed a little severe.
Only as he was brushing his teeth did Lee consider the possibility that he might bear some responsibility for Jingles’ demise. Clown loses his job. Clown gets depressed. Clown walks in front of a bus. Bye bye Jingles.
“Screw that,” Lee said to himself, spitting a wad of minty foam all over the bathroom mirror.
Jingles was a jerk. Lee was protecting his son for crying out loud. Besides, mentally stable people don’t off themselves over a lousy carnival job. Then again, dressing like a clown doesn’t exactly scream, “mentally stable.”
“I didn’t kill Jingles,” Lee said to his reflection, “Jingles killed Jingles.”
Having sufficiently absolved himself of any responsibility, Lee drove all thought of the clown from his mind and went to bed.
It was dark. It was cold. Lee’s back was wet. He was lying prone, staring up at a black void where his ceiling fan should’ve been. A pale, green light flickered in the corner of his eye. Lee turned his head to see a glass booth about thirty feet away. Inside was a bench, bolted to the concrete.
It was a bus stop. Letters were spray painted on the glass behind the bench. They read, “These Ballz.”
What the hell was going on? Lee sat upright, desperately trying to get his bearings. He was on a sidewalk. To his right was a brown truck parked in a tow away zone. To his left was a green sign that read, “41st Street.”
“Forty-first?” Lee muttered to himself. “Jesus Christ, that’s on the other side of town.”
Lee was still drowsy enough to entertain the possibility that he might be dreaming. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and bit down. It hurt. Definitely not a dream.
Panic quickly replaced any confusion Lee was experiencing. Had someone broken into his house, kidnapped him, and dropped him off outside on the street?
“No,” Lee thought. “That’s a stupid idea.”
Sleepwalking, that had to be it. Lee had woken up in the middle of the night, walked all the way across town, and decided to take a nap just outside the ghetto.
Before Lee had the opportunity to hatch any further speculations, a pair of headlights appeared at the end of the street. Slowly the lights approached him, bobbing up and down as they went. They were far apart and higher off the ground than a typical car. A truck or SUV maybe?
The tell tale “hiss” of hydraulic brakes identified the vehicle as a bus. It pulled up along the side of the road and stopped. Lights were on inside, but the windows were crusted with dirt and mostly opaque. Lee could make out a single indistinct shape get up and walk to the front.
Another long “hiss” cut through the air, then the bus pulled away, revealing the bus stop again, as well as a figure. It stood silhouetted in the pale glow of the booth. Whoever it was, they were bald on top, with long tufts of hair trailing off either side of their head.
It was a guy, Lee figured. His clothes hung loose. The cuffs around his hands were puffy and oversized. His shoes were way too big, ridiculously so, and they were red.
Bright red.
The nature of this person started to dawn on Lee. Silly hair, baggy clothes, big red shoes. It was a goddamn clown. And not just any clown, was it?
It was Jingles.
The clown took a step forward, letting the street light wash over his face. On his pasty cheek there was a single scar, too deep for his makeup to obscure.
“Howdy Lee,” Jingles said, smiling wide. His teeth were caked in blood.
The front of his green jumpsuit was filthy. One of the pompoms was missing. His eyes were a milky-white, almost as pallid as his complexion.
Lee scrambled to his feet. He wondered how any of this could be happening. Jingles was dead, killed by a bus. Or that’s what they said on the news at least.
“Bet you wanna know what this is all about, don't ya?” Jingles said in a silly voice. “I told the Powers That Be about what you did to me. They decided I deserved a little payback.”
“Powers that be?” Lee stammered. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Jingles smiled even wider and said, “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough, Lee.”
Lee had no interest in finding anything out. In fact, he was done listening. Sure, he was scared shitless, but backing down wasn’t in Lee’s nature.
He raised his fists up and shouted, “Listen you freak. I kicked your ass once, I can do it again!”
“Is that so?” Jingles said.
The clown reached behind his back and pulled out a handful of balloons, conjuring them from thin air. They were all different colors; reds, and blues, and yellows. One of the green balloons had a big grin printed on it, with a series of triangles representing teeth.
The plastic on the balloon started to tear. Instead of popping, the opening continued to spit apart, revealing a gaping black hole underneath. Where the triangles had been were actual teeth, long and pointy, dripping with thick saliva.
One by one, each of the balloons sprouted fangs. They gnashed and snarled, snapping at Lee as Jingles slowly walked in his direction.
“Got a balloon for ya, Lee.” Jingles said, with a chuckle in his voice. “And don’t worry, since we’re not strangers anymore, it’s okay to take one.”
Lee’s bravado abandoned him completely. He turned and hauled ass as fast as he could. His bare feet made a pitter-patter noise as he raced down the street. He took a sharp turn around the corner and kept on running, hoping to God he could survive whatever nightmare he found himself trapped in.
The sound of giggling came up from behind Lee. He twisted his head around to see Jingles flying towards him. The clown was levitating off the ground, pulled along by his handful of fanged balloons. The sight reminded Lee of a person walking a dog too big for them to handle.
A red balloon lashed out at Lee, nearly catching him by the foot. Lee stumbled, but managed to regain his footing and keep his momentum going.
“Nom, nom, nom!” He heard Jingles screech. “Almost gotcha!”
“Motherfucker is enjoying this,” Lee thought. But why shouldn’t he? In Jingles’ mind this was revenge, his way of getting back at the man who ruined his life.
Was any of this fair though? Sure, maybe Lee shouldn’t have picked a fight with the clown, shouldn’t have demanded that he be fired. But it wasn't Lee’s fault Jingles was drunk on the job. Lee didn’t force him to walk in front of that bus. And goddamnit, Jingles shouldn’t have been giving candy to Lee’s kid!
His blood was boiling. His indignance overrode his better judgment. He spun around and shouted, “Listen you shithead.”
Instantly one of the blue balloons shot forward and latched onto Lee’s crotch. He felt its teeth sink into his pelvis, sending a spasm of pain rippling through his body. He lurched backward in shock, tumbling over onto his back.
The Balloon pulled away, leaving a bloody ring of teeth marks around Lee’s groin. He reached down and cupped his hands over the area.
“At least my dick’s still there,” Lee thought to himself.
Jingles let out a high pitched cackle. “Yikes,” he said. “Nearly took out all the future Kevins there!”
The clown hovered over Lee, his smile vanishing from his dead face.
“Why not take it all the way though?” Jingles said, hatred burning in his eyes. “Why should you have everything and I get nothing?”
Balloons swarmed around Jingles, their mouths salivating hungrily. Slowly they crept towards Lee, their teeth glistening under the street light. As they grew close, they opened their hideous jaws. Lee was struck with the sweet stench of cotton candy and rotting meat.
Lee closed his eyes. What else could he do? There was no running, there was no fighting back, and there was no reasoning with Jingles. He was going to die, murdered on the other side of town by the ghost of a clown he just met yesterday.
But death never came. Lee waited, assuming he’d feel a myriad of teeth sink into his flesh at any second.
A loud “hiss” brought Lee back to reality. He opened his eyes and saw a bus, pulled up along the side of the street. Jingles was walking over to it. His balloons were trailing behind him. Their vicious smiles had turned into frowns. They seemed disappointed.
Before Jingles got on, he took one last look at Lee. The hatred was gone, replaced instead by a weary resignation. With Jingles on board, the bus let out another “hiss” then drove off into the night.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” Lee heard a voice say. It was coming from over his shoulder. Its tone was low and empty.
Lee turned to see a robed figure. It towered over him. Chains were wrapped around its nebulous form. Dangling from the chains were locks and keys. No face was visible within its hood.
“Looks like things got a little outta control there,” the figure said.
It reached out a hand, offering to help Lee up. The hand was a pale blue, the color of a drowned corpse, with bruises running up its wrist. Lee decided not to take it, lifting himself off the ground instead.
“Um, who… what…” Lee stammered, his tone appropriately confused considering the circumstances.
“Right,” the robed figure said. “You’re probably wondering what’s going on.”
Honestly, Lee was too shocked to wonder much of anything.
The figure continued, saying, “I’m the Messenger of the Custodian.”
“Who?” Lee asked.
“Nevermind,” the figure answered. “All you need to know is that I represent the forces who allowed Jingles to return from the dead and attack you.”
The, “Powers That Be.” That’s what Jingles had called them. Frankly, it was all a bit much to process. Lee had gone from being hopelessly average to having a conversation with something resembling the grim reaper.
“We just wanted to apologize,” the Messenger told Lee. “You know, for any inconvenience.”
Lee couldn’t believe it. This thing was essentially a supernatural customer service representative. He looked down at the bloody stain seeping through the front of his pajamas.
“By inconvenience,” Lee said, sounding very annoyed, “you mean this?”
“Yeah,” the Messenger responded, “ouch.”
No kidding! Once again Lee was indignant. His sense of entitlement overwhelmed the gravity of the bizarre situation he was in.
“You mean to tell me,” Lee said to the Messenger, “all of this happened because you guys screwed up, and not because of anything I did?”
“Both,” the Messenger answered. “We screwed up and you deserved it.”
“What did I do to deserve this?” Lee asked, motioning to his injured crotch.
The Messenger tilted its head downward, then waved its hand, saying, “It’s not that bad. Look, you definitely deserved some kind of comeuppance. I hate to break it to you Lee, but you really are a prick.”
“Hey,” Lee shot back, offended. “Now just wait a second…”
Before Lee could finish the Messenger cut him off, saying, “I mean it too. Certifiably, thermodynamically, you’re an asshole. In fact, you should probably work on that, unless you want another Jingles on your hands.”
The Messenger let out a dry, hollow laugh as it finished its last sentence.
It dawned on Lee that he was in no position to argue, so he shifted gears, saying, “But that Jingles guy was a total freak, right?”
For a being incapable of having an expression, Lee got the feeling that the Messenger was shocked.
“No,” it said to Lee. “Jingles was well liked. He was just an alcoholic, that’s all.”
Now Lee really felt bad. Jingles was only trying to be nice when he gave Kevin a piece of candy.
“Oh yeah,” the Messenger said, apparently reading Lee’s mind. “Jingles felt obligated to keep an eye on the kid until his negligent parents showed up.”
“Negligent,” Lee thought. “Asshole.” Cripes. Maybe he was a prick.
“It’s time Lee,” the Messenger said, its voice drawing Lee’s attention forward.
The black void beyond its hood bore down on Lee. He could feel himself being pulled forward, falling into a pit of absolute darkness. Invisible things brushed up against his skin. They flooded around him, slithering and crawling all over his body.
First they tickled, then they scraped, then they started stinging. Lee could feel thousands of tiny little mouths biting all at once. They dug at his flesh, burrowing underneath. He was being torn apart, inside out, piece by agonizing piece!
Lee woke up, screaming, writhing. He was in his bed. He saw his ceiling fan spinning quietly overhead. A dream, Lee realized. Forty-first Street, the bus, Jingles, the balloons, the Messenger; the whole damn thing was a crazy dream.
“Freaking nightmare’s more like it,” Lee thought to himself.
Then he felt a sharp pain in his lower body. He threw back the sheets to reveal a red stain on the front of his pajama pants. Lee shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Even though he was afraid to look, he knew that he had to. He pulled down the front of his pants. The material stung as it peeled away from his flesh.
Reflected in the mirror Lee saw a ring of bloody teeth-marks.
A parting gift from Jingles the Clown.

“Clown killed by Bus,” was the headline on the morning news. They even showed a picture of the clown in his full getup. Superimposed under the image was the name, “Jingles.”
That was definitely the guy, I realized. Puffy green jumpsuit, orange tufts of hair on the sides of his head, and a big red nose. Pretty typical for a clown. The only thing that distinguished him was a scar running down the side of his cheek. Too deep for his thick white makeup to obscure completely.
“We’re very upset,” one of the carnies told a reporter. “Jingles was beloved by all, and he will be deeply missed.”
I found that hard to believe. The day before my son, Kevin, and I had a run in with Jingles at the local carnival. Kevin wandered off while I was busy buying us both ice cream cones. Panic struck for a moment as I scanned the crowd. Then I spotted Kevin about thirty feet away, talking to a clown.
So much for, “don’t talk to strangers,” right? Maybe Kevin was under the mistaken impression that clowns were exempt from that rule. I rushed over, almost colliding with a teenage girl holding a stuffed pink teddy bear.
The instant I reached my son, I was struck with the stench of booze. It nearly took my breath away. Judging by the smell, the clown must've just taken a dip in a barrel full of whiskey.
“Remember,” I heard the clown say to Kevin, “keep that tucked away in your pocket!”
“What tucked away?” I asked as he walked up to them.
“Oh, um,” the clown stammered.
I demanded to see what was in Kevin’s pocket. The boy reached into his coat and pulled out a piece of bubblegum.
“Christ,” I thought to himself. My son had literally taken candy from a stranger.
I turned to the clown and said, “Listen, giving my kid candy really isn't appropriate.”
“Oh look,” the clown said, “I didn't mean anything by it. I'm a clown, you know, it's what I do. I'm Jingles, the…”
“No you're not,” I said, cutting Jingles off before he could finish his sentence. “You're just some freaking weirdo, so stay away from my son alright?”
That came out a little harsh, even for me, confrontational enough that it immediately wiped the smile off Jingles’ face.
“Listen asshole,” Jingles said to me, “I wasn't gonna do anything to your stupid kid.”
Things escalated quickly after that. The ice cream was the first casualty. There was shouting, a couple of f-bombs, then pushing. Kevin started crying at some point. Jingles wound up knocked flat on his ass. Blood trickled out from under his bright red nose.
Finally Security showed up and got things cooled down. I demanded that they fire Jingles. “Guy is drunk for crying out loud,” I told a customer service representative.
By the time it was all said and done, the carnival refunded me the price for admission. The people in charge kept saying, “We're very sorry,” over and over. I was fairly certain that Jingles wouldn't be going back to work the next day.
I had no idea just how right that prediction would turn out to be.
“Sources say that Jingles had been let go from his job after an altercation with a customer,” the reporter concluded, ending the segment.
Well, that wraps up that then. It’s not like I wanted the guy to die or anything. That said, he did cross off every box on the, “creepy clown,” checklist. Still, death seemed a little severe.
Only as I was brushing my teeth did I consider the possibility that I might bear some responsibility for Jingles’ demise. Clown loses his job. Clown gets depressed. Clown walks in front of a bus. Bye bye Jingles.
“Screw that,” I said to himself, spitting a wad of minty foam all over the bathroom mirror.
Jingles was a jerk. I was protecting my son for crying out loud. Besides, mentally stable people don’t off themselves over a lousy carnival job. Then again, dressing like a clown doesn’t exactly scream, “mentally stable.”
“I didn’t kill Jingles,” I said to my reflection, “Jingles killed Jingles.”
Having sufficiently absolved myself of any responsibility, I drove all thought of the clown from my mind and went to bed.
It was dark. It was cold. My back was wet. I was lying prone, staring up at a black void where the ceiling fan should’ve been. A pale, green light flickered in the corner of my eye. I turned my head to see a glass booth about thirty feet away. Inside was a bench, bolted to the concrete.
It was a bus stop. Letters were spray painted on the glass behind the bench. They read, “These Ballz.”
What the hell was going on? I sat upright, desperately trying to get my bearings. I was on a sidewalk. To my right was a brown truck parked in a tow away zone. To my left was a green sign that read, “41st Street.”
“Forty-first?” I muttered to himself. “Jesus Christ, that’s on the other side of town.”
I was still drowsy enough to entertain the possibility that I might be dreaming. I stuck my thumb in my mouth and bit down. It hurt. Definitely not a dream.
Panic quickly replaced any confusion I was experiencing. Had someone broken into my house, kidnapped me, and dropped me off outside on the street?
No. That was a stupid idea.
Sleepwalking, that had to be it. I had woken up in the middle of the night, walked all the way across town, and decided to take a nap just outside the ghetto.
Before I had the opportunity to hatch any further speculations, a pair of headlights appeared at the end of the street. Slowly the lights approached me, bobbing up and down as they went. They were far apart and higher off the ground than a typical car. A truck or SUV maybe?
The tell tale “hiss” of hydraulic brakes identified the vehicle as a bus. It pulled up along the side of the road and stopped. Lights were on inside, but the windows were crusted with dirt and mostly opaque. I could make out a single indistinct shape get up and walk to the front.
Another long “hiss” cut through the air, then the bus pulled away, revealing the bus stop again, as well as a figure. It stood silhouetted in the pale glow of the booth. Whoever it was, they were bald on top, with long tufts of hair trailing off either side of their head.
It was a guy, I figured. His clothes hung loose. The cuffs around his hands were puffy and oversized. His shoes were way too big, ridiculously so, and they were red.
Bright red.
The nature of this person started to dawn on me. Silly hair, baggy clothes, big red shoes. It was a goddamn clown. And not just any clown, was it?
It was Jingles.
The clown took a step forward, letting the street light wash over his face. On his pasty cheek there was a single scar, too deep for his makeup to obscure.
“Howdy,” Jingles said, smiling wide. His teeth were caked in blood.
The front of his green jumpsuit was filthy. One of the pompoms was missing. His eyes were a milky-white, almost as pallid as his complexion.
I scrambled to my feet, wondering how any of this could be happening. Jingles was dead, killed by a bus. Or that’s what they said on the news at least.
“Bet you wanna know what this is all about, don't ya?” Jingles said in a silly voice. “I told the Powers That Be about what you did to me. They decided I deserved a little payback.”
“Powers that be?” I stammered. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Jingles smiled even wider and said, “Oh, you’ll find out soon enough.”
I had no interest in finding anything out. In fact, I was done listening. Sure, I was scared shitless, but backing down wasn’t in my nature.
I raised my fists up and shouted, “Listen you freak. I kicked your ass once, I can do it again!”
“Is that so?” Jingles said.
The clown reached behind his back and pulled out a handful of balloons, conjuring them from thin air. They were all different colors; reds, and blues, and yellows. One of the green balloons had a big grin printed on it, with a series of triangles representing teeth.
The plastic on the balloon started to tear. Instead of popping, the opening continued to spit apart, revealing a gaping black hole underneath. Where the triangles had been were actual teeth, long and pointy, dripping with thick saliva.
One by one, each of the balloons sprouted fangs. They gnashed and snarled, snapping at me as Jingles slowly walked in my direction.
“Got a balloon for ya.” Jingles said, with a chuckle in his voice. “And don’t worry, since we’re not strangers anymore, it’s okay to take one.”
My bravado abandoned me completely. I turned and hauled ass as fast as I could. My bare feet made a pitter-patter noise as I raced down the street. I took a sharp turn around the corner and kept on running, hoping to God I could survive whatever nightmare I found myself trapped in.
The sound of giggling came up from behind me. I twisted my head around to see Jingles flying towards me. The clown was levitating off the ground, pulled along by his handful of fanged balloons. The sight reminded me of a person walking a dog too big for them to handle.
A red balloon lashed out at me, nearly catching me by the foot. I stumbled, but managed to regain my footing and keep my momentum going.
“Nom, nom, nom!” He heard Jingles screech. “Almost gotcha!”
“Sonofabitch is enjoying this,” I thought. But why shouldn’t he? In Jingles’ mind this was revenge, his way of getting back at the asshole who ruined his life.
Was any of this fair though? Sure, maybe I shouldn’t have picked a fight with the clown, shouldn’t have demanded that he be fired. But it wasn't my fault Jingles was drunk on the job. I didn’t force him to walk in front of that bus. And goddamnit, Jingles shouldn’t have been giving candy to my son!
My blood was boiling, indignation overrode my better judgment. I spun around and shouted, “Listen you shithead.”
Instantly one of the blue balloons shot forward and latched onto my crotch. I felt its teeth sink into my pelvis, sending a spasm of pain rippling through my body. I lurched backward in shock, tumbling over onto my back.
The Balloon pulled away, leaving a bloody ring of teeth marks around my groin. I reached down and cupped my hands over the area.
“At least everything’s still there,” I thought to myself.
Jingles let out a high pitched cackle. “Yikes,” he said. “Nearly took out all the future Kevins there!”
The clown hovered over me, his smile vanishing from his dead face.
“Why not take it all the way though?” Jingles said, hatred burning in his eyes. “Why should you have everything and I get nothing?”
Balloons swarmed around Jingles, their mouths salivating hungrily. Slowly they crept towards me, their teeth glistening under the street light. As they grew close, they opened their hideous jaws. I was struck with the sweet stench of cotton candy and rotting meat.
I closed my eyes. What else could I do? There was no running, there was no fighting back, and there was no reasoning with Jingles. I was going to die, murdered on the other side of town by the ghost of a clown I just met yesterday.
But death never came. I waited, assuming I’d feel a myriad of teeth sink into my flesh at any second.
A loud “hiss” brought me back to reality. I opened my eyes and saw a bus, pulled up along the side of the street. Jingles was walking over to it. His balloons were trailing behind him. Their vicious smiles had turned into frowns. They seemed disappointed.
Before Jingles got on, he took one last look at me. The hatred was gone, replaced instead by a weary resignation. With Jingles on board, the bus let out another “hiss” then drove off into the night.
“Sorry ‘bout that,” I heard a voice say. It was coming from over my shoulder. Its tone was low and empty.
I turned to see a robed figure. It towered over me. Chains were wrapped around its nebulous form. Dangling from the chains were locks and keys. No face was visible within its hood.
“Looks like things got a little outta control there,” the figure said.
It reached out a hand, offering to help me up. The hand was a pale blue, the color of a drowned corpse, with bruises running up its wrist. I decided not to take it, lifting myself off the ground instead.
“Um, who… what…” I stammered, my tone appropriately confused considering the circumstances.
“Right,” the robed figure said. “You’re probably wondering what’s going on.”
Honestly, I was too shocked to wonder much of anything.
The figure continued, saying, “I’m the Messenger of the Custodian.”
“Who?” I asked.
“Nevermind,” the figure answered. “All you need to know is that I represent the forces who allowed Jingles to return from the dead and attack you.”
The, “Powers That Be.” That’s what Jingles had called them. Frankly, it was all a bit much to process. I had gone from being hopelessly average to having a conversation with something resembling the grim reaper.
“We just wanted to apologize,” the Messenger told me. “You know, for any inconvenience.”
I couldn’t believe it. This thing was essentially a supernatural customer service representative. I looked down at the bloody stain seeping through the front of my pajamas.
“By inconvenience,” I said, sounding very annoyed, “you mean this?”
“Yeah,” the Messenger responded, “ouch.”
No kidding! Once again I was indignant. My sense of entitlement overwhelmed the gravity of the bizarre situation I was in.
“You mean to tell me,” I said to the Messenger, “all of this happened because you guys screwed up, and not because of anything I did?”
“Both,” the Messenger answered. “We screwed up and you deserved it.”
“What did I do to deserve this?” I asked, motioning to my injured crotch.
The Messenger tilted its head downward, then waved its hand, saying, “It’s not that bad. Look, you definitely deserved some kind of comeuppance. I hate to break it to you, but you really are a prick.”
“Hey,” I shot back, offended. “Now just wait a second…”
Before I could finish the Messenger cut me off, saying, “I mean it too. Certifiably, thermodynamically, you’re an asshole. In fact, you should probably work on that, unless you want another Jingles on your hands.”
The Messenger let out a dry, hollow laugh as it finished its last sentence.
It dawned on me that I was in no position to argue, so I shifted gears, saying, “But that Jingles guy was a total freak, right?”
For a being incapable of having an expression, I got the feeling that the Messenger was shocked.
“No,” it said to me. “Jingles was well liked. He was just an alcoholic, that’s all.”
Now I really felt bad. Jingles was only trying to be nice when he gave Kevin a piece of candy.
“Oh yeah,” the Messenger said, apparently reading my mind. “Jingles felt obligated to keep an eye on the kid until his negligent parents showed up.”
“Negligent,” I thought. “Asshole.” Cripes. Maybe I was a prick.
“It’s time,” the Messenger said, its voice drawing my attention forward.
The black void beyond its hood bore down on me. I could feel myself being pulled forward, falling into a pit of absolute darkness. Invisible things brushed up against my skin. They flooded around me, slithering and crawling all over my body.
First they tickled, then they scraped, then they started stinging. I could feel thousands of tiny little mouths biting all at once. They dug at my flesh, burrowing underneath. I was being torn apart, inside out, piece by agonizing piece!
I woke up, screaming, writhing. I was in my bed. I saw the ceiling fan spinning quietly overhead. A dream, I realized. Forty-first Street, the bus, Jingles, the balloons, the Messenger; the whole damn thing was a crazy dream.
“Freaking nightmare’s more like it,” I thought to myself.
Then I felt a sharp pain in my lower body. I threw back the sheets to reveal a red stain on the front of my pajama pants. I shot out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Even though I was afraid to look, I knew that I had to. I pulled down the front of my pants. The material stung as it peeled away from my flesh.
Reflected in the mirror I saw a ring of bloody teeth-marks.
A parting gift from Jingles the Clown.

I’m gonna start off this story with the fact that I no longer have contact with my grandmother. I finally had the courage to go no contact after losing my grandfather in 2022. (Worst year of my life.)
This all begins when I was born….Quite literally. I was raised under my grandparents roof ever since I was 2 weeks old. I knew I was different than the other grandchildren because of the way my family looked at me and held me to a different standard, but it only solidified once I got to be around 7-10. That’s when the comments didn’t keep slipping over my head and I became wiser to the mental anguish they were going to put me through.
My grandfather was the ONLY sensible person that kept my grandmother in line, even though they grew up in the same time. (They were about 8-9 years apart. He was older than her so she had less of an excuse-) My Grandfather knew what was disrespectful and would never treat me like a second class human being just because of my skin color….But my grandmother? Here's some of her best quotes that I remember from the time I was pre-teen onwards:

• "I love my white grand-babies, their blue eyes and blonde hair are just so gorgeous. They'll always be stars in my eyes."
  
• "Don't pronounce it that way- you'll sound like a n****r."
  
• "Your mom was a n****r lover, we almost sent her to [insert military school here] because she was with your father. Lucky we didn't cause you wouldn't exist."
  
• "You think the way you do because you were corrupted at that school, there was too many black kids there." (I went to a fundamental school that was majority white. Maybe 4-5% black.)
  
• "Your mother sent your sister to [insert school name here], it's 90% black- she's gonna come out speaking ghetto and uneducated like your cousin."
  
• [driving absolutely anywhere] "Make sure you lock the doors, you never know what these n*****s will do for some change.
  
• "Maybe stand in the back for the family photos, or let [insert name] stand in front of you. I have to put this on Facebook and my family in TN and GA will see this.”
  
• “You’re lucky you weren’t born with a tail, heard it’s super common with mixed breeds.”
  

Now I lived with this my ENTIRE adolescence, no matter if my mother was around or not- she'd always find a way to slip in a hurtful or racist comment towards me or my background.
Despite always being a stellar student in school, following every rule, and never straying from the high expectations they held me to as a family unit- I could never compare to the simple accomplishments her "treasured white grand-babies" did. She even use to say her grandson had a British accent, when it was a speech impediment....Just because she didn't want to admit her white grandchild had any flaws.
I grew up thinking I was born in the wrong skin. I straightened my hair until it all fell out or inevitably became damaged, staying out of the sun because it'd make me darker, shaping my nose in the mirror, and only inviting white friends over. (One time I had a black friend over she told her: "WOW! Your skin is so dark I almost didn't even see you." Her parents never let her over ever again, and we lost contact. I understand now, but when I was younger I started feeling rejected by not only white people, but other races as well because of how my family treated everyone.)
This ruined my self confidence, my pride in where I came from, and even some internalized racism towards black people for the longest time because of what I was told. (I would legit lie about my race. ANYTHING to not be grouped with the people my family hated with a passion.)
When I reached HS, I finally was open to all backgrounds and ideals- realizing not only was I stunted in life from ever feeling accepted and love, but shown how wrong my grandmother was. I grew resentful. But when my grandmother became older, she needed more help. I took up the responsibility of making all her meals, doing her errands, and even paying bills. But ONLY because my grandfather was the light of my life, and I'd walk to the ends of the earth for him. Years later, as he eventually grew sick and had in-home hospice (He had developed dementia and experienced really bad sundowning, he lost the ability to speak and move for the last 3 weeks of his life.) I could barely deal with the way she spoke to him, or me. I stuck around until his final breath, but as soon as he passed and I saw his death certificate…. I lost all feeling. I was more detached once he passed, but seeing her true colors made me want to curl into a ball and disappear… If my grandfather couldn’t change her, no one could….She turned into a complete monster.
• "I have my own house slave, making all my meals and doing what I need."

• "Put on my shoes" [She is more than capable to do so, being almost 10 years younger than my grandfather]
  
• "Thank goodness you got engaged to a white man, maybe he'll make your mothers wrongs right, IF you have kids" [This was in the midst of our infertility consultations, it killed me that she brought up kids constantly to get under my skin as we thought for so long that we couldn't conceive. And if we did, would they be treated like me? Because they had my blood?]
  

I eventually had enough, packed my stuff and left with my fiancé to a different state. She accused me of abusing the elderly by leaving her and called DCF on my mother- made up lies because she didn't like her or her current partner. (Her current partner happens to be black, which is what fueled her hatred.) Also found out that after we left, she would routinely go into the bathroom while my fiancé was showering and flirt with him on multiple occasions. He was disgusted by her behavior, yet had to deal with her because we were saving up money and we had no alternative place to reside at the time.
I am almost 23 years old now, just had our miracle baby in December 2023 and my grandmother will NEVER meet her great grandchild. I blocked her number and she has been out of my life for just over a year now. I realized just how damaging she was to my mental health and I'm sure I'll need plenty of therapy in the future to overcome it. Now, I was stupid to think she'd be thankful for me taking care of her, or that I could change her mind over the years, but to be honest….Nothing ever changed, and she eventually got worse. (Not to mention the apologists in our family just saying she's old and "set in her ways"…... She's only early 70s)
You could say I have thin skin, but for dealing with her for 21+ years, I can say now I can make it through the petty remarks some people may make from day to day when I come across the wrong person working/living life. She had taught me to become stronger mentally, and taught me how NOT to raise my child.
Reading this subreddit has helped me a ton, knowing I’m not alone is the greatest gift I can get. So, I decided to post my own story in hopes it’ll maybe come across someone who suffered the same fate. I have tons more stories about her, my other family members, and my experiences, but this post would turn into a book and I don’t want that.
Anyways- I wanted to mention, I never got pregnant until I left their house. My fiancé and I have been together 6 years and struggled many years with infertility. Once we left? I was pregnant within 4 months. Coincidence? Probably not. I was most likely too stressed to conceive.

First/Previous/Next
Jack breathed heavily as he dozed in his hammock, trying his best to doze and get what little REM sleep he could. Despite his brain telling him he had to, his body just wasn’t cooperating that well, with a combination of the earlier ‘bedtime’, the rattling cargo on the shelves around them, and Jack clearly anticipating the probable danger ahead all leaving him in an uncomfortable flux state of semi-lucidity.
Deciding to make the best of the situation, he just kept his eyes shut, trying to clear his mind of his worries as he simply listened to the sound of his own breathing and the slight rumbling of the shuttle and he lay there in the hammock with Chiyo.
His battleskin underneath his clothes actually felt good in the heated cargo compartment they were in, in no small part due to his new armour, which had done a good job of keeping his body well-ventilated so that there wasn’t any discomfort when he moved. He had no idea if things were similar for the other armour types, but he and Nika had agreed that it was a perfect fit.
Jack had no idea how long it had been since they started, but there hadn’t been any problems on their journey. The crew had kept to themselves throughout, though Chiyo had been confident they had been drinking on the job, causing Sephy to loop the internal cameras and check more of the containers for anything tasty or expensive, and Jack was grateful for the bag of steak-flavoured crisps the Skritta had thrown his way earlier.
Almost idly he shifted slightly in his doze, causing the figure he was cuddled up to move with him. He had almost forgotten Chiyo was there, and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her reassuringly, before all of a sudden there was a sudden sharp wave of force, causing him to snap awake with a start, spotting where his hand had accidentally been for a split second before the hammock tipped over, causing them both to thump down to the ground with a hard thud.
Hearing the groans from all around them, Jack could see that they hadn’t been the only ones woken up by that, as Sephy was rubbing her head on the floor, while Nika was on her feet scanning for threats.
“Fuck! What was that?” one of the crew at the front exclaimed.
“I dunno! Some kind of turbulence!” another one of the men grumbled. “Fuck, rookie! You’ve gotta keep an eye on things!”
“What!? The lights were green!” the rookie exclaimed in disbelief.
“Yeah, suuuure they were!” the first voice retorted, clearly not believing them.
“Um…sorry about that,” Jack whispered. “Accident!”
Suuure it was! Chiyo teased back. Some warning would have been nice!
“Damn, well that timing could have been worse!” Sephy shrugged with a grin. “We’re nearly there, only about fifteen minutes out.”
“In that case, gear up and get ready to move,” Alora ordered them all. “We don’t want to hang around here.”
“Roger that.” Jack sighed, as he got up and began to pack.
*****
“Coming in for a landing,” the old captain professionally called out over the ship-wide comm, as Sephy finished hiding the evidence of their scrounging of the cargo.
“We all good?” Nika asked, as she gave her shotgun a quick check out of habit.
“Yep!” Sephy grinned, practising her quick draw with her twin pistols. “These magnetic clips on our armour are dead useful! Even you won’t lose your weapons easily, Jack!”
“Oh for fucks sake, you’re still gonna bring that up?!” Jack groaned as the others snorted in amusement. “You would have dropped your stuff too!”
Well, even if you do drop anything, they should automatically reattach if you’re in close enough proximity and nothing’s impeding it.
“Like Iron Man or something, right?” Jack asked, earning a bemused look from Chiyo, who obviously didn’t understand the reference, but nodded anyway.
“Heh, that doesn’t work with grenades, right?” Sephy asked with a grin. “That one might be a bit counterproductive!”
“I am very sure it doesn’t!” Alora giggled. “But Clan Bharzum know what they’re doing! I’m sure everything will be fine!”
They all held on as the shuttle made its final approach, before finally plonking to the ground. Everyone was ready by the time the crew had everything powered down.
“So, head to the docks, find the crew and be out of here in less than ten minutes,” Jack stated as if to remind everyone of what they were here to do
“Yep!” Alora confirmed. “This should only be a border town with not many people around, so I doubt there’ll even be that many ships around. Add the fact that the crew is all Megafauna, and the fact they know we’re coming, and it shouldn’t be too hard to find.”
“Um…guys….” Nika called out as the cargo ramp began to open, and Dante gave a low whine of concern. “We might have a slight problem…”
The crisp, cold breeze that buffeted them was instantly punctuated by the sounds of shouts, screams and bedlam in the distance, broken up by the occasional burst of gunfire, but it was only when the ramp fully extended to let them down could they see the chaos they were about to walk into.
The Cypherport they had expected should have been a quiet, small border town with a simple dock for traders and fishers…
The Cypherport they had landed right at the edge of made the most ghetto streets of Detroit look tame by comparison!
Tightly packed shacks and dilapidated houses leaned menacingly over a labyrinth of narrow winding streets, barely illuminated by the many grimy, flickering neon signs all over the town that cast eerie shadows over the crumbling streets, adorned with gang symbols, crude drawings and warnings, with all sorts of dangerous looking people milling about, from what they could see from where they were.
I don’t understand… Chiyo began. This can’t be the right place? We researched this place, it wasn’t meant to be like this at all!
“Maybe the info you found is outdated,” Sephy pointed out. “But everything I’ve got says this is the place…what the fuck!?”
“Everybody stick close together!” Alora warned as they slowly and carefully made their way down the ramp, with the workers barely giving them any acknowledgement. “Our plan hasn’t changed. We head to the docks and get out.”
“I can plot us a basic route, but I’m not throwing drones up until we need to,” the Skritta warned as she typed a few things on one of her tablet devices, converting the view they saw from the cargo ramp into a basic map.
“Should we use the Broaches of Disguise?” Jack asked Alora, who nodded instantly.
“Good idea, Jack,” the Eladrie agreed. “The less attention we bring to ourselves, the better.”
Quickly activating their magic, the group cautiously made their way out of the tiny Corvin Enterprises drop-off point into the shadowy dystopian streets. Now that they were close up, they could see that the buildings around them were thin and mostly composed of wood with multiple floors, with the majority having steep, high-peaked roofs that dissuaded them from attempting to traverse along the rooftops.
Looking around Jack could already see a few faces of the shady-looking inhabitants gazing their way with suspicion and curiosity, causing him to keep one hand on his gun. He didn’t care what any of these guys wanted, if anyone came up to them with no good reason, he was ready to attack at a moment's notice.
Was this what it was like to be a cop in America?
“Hey man! You wanna buy some grass?” someone called out from the side, and Jack could see a few street vendors peddling their wares from makeshift stalls. The one that had called out to them was obviously trying to sell them drugs of dubious quality, but a few others had weapons or random electronics, probably stolen. Many of the vendors were obscured under hoods or facemasks, making it impossible to discern their intentions at a glance. Jack just curtly shook his head, and kept walking forward.
This is so sketchy, Chiyo pointed out, while doing her best to keep up with them on foot, not attracting any attention by floating in the air like she usually did.
“So far so good,” Jack whispered back, before a shark crack of gunfire echoed through the streets ahead, followed by the sounds of a few smashed bottles.
“That was closer to the centre of the town,” Sephy told them, checking her map. “We stick along the outside, we can avoid that shit.”
“Speaking of shit, fucking hell it smells bad,” Nika growled as her nose was assaulted by the pungent odour wafting around them.
“It’s just like the bad parts of the city,” Alora noted. “The quicker we get out of here the better.”
“Docks aren’t far,” Sephy whispered to them. “Just down the hill.”
“I see it…” Jack whispered back as they rounded a corner onto a particularly narrow street, where a gang of thugs aggressively stared them down as they passed, though didn’t go after them. A few of them whispered among themselves and pointed, causing Dante to lowly growl under his breath.
“Reckon they made us, Chiyo?” Nika asked the Ilithii as the group briskly kept walking, toeing the fine line between casual walking without fear and running to safety.
It is possible, Chiyo replied unsurely. I don’t know for sure.
“Then we lose them in the alleyways,” Alora muttered under her breath. “Are they following us?”
They look like they’re debating it, Chiyo confirmed.
“We can break line of sight up ahead, alleyway to the right,” Sephy whispered, and Jack nodded as he led the way. They turned down the alleyway, quickly sprinting for the next turning the moment line of sight was broken, keeping their footsteps as quiet as possible as they maintained their general direction down to the docks, before finally emerging on the waterfront to a few curious glances of some very inebriated sailors.
“How are we for time?” Alora asked nobody in particular, as Jack checked his commlink.
“It’s been about ten minutes,” Jack told her. “Just need to find our ride and we can get out of here.”
“Yeah, but these docks are fucking huge,” Nika pointed out. “It’s nobody’s fault, but we’ve still got bad intel about this place.”
“Then we just walk up and down and hope for the best until we see our guy.” Jack shrugged. “We know the kind of people we’re looking for at least, right?”
Right, Chiyo agreed. Let’s go! Keep your wits about you!
*****
“Where the fuck are these assholes?” Nika grumbled about 15 minutes later as they checked the various piers for any sign of their contact. “The client told us they knew we’d be on our way!”
“Doesn’t mean they have to sit in place I suppose,” Jack reasoned. “Though I’m surprised that in a place like this they wouldn’t have a guard set up for their ship.”
“Raises a valid point though,” Sephy spoke up. “Could we steal one of the ships and make our way to where we need to go?”
Don’t forget that we need to come back here! Chiyo warned.
“Okay, we ‘borrow’ one of the ships and return it intact then…” Sephy suggested half-heartedly with chuckles from the others.
“We can keep looking around here or we can wait for someone that looks like our contacts to show up,” Alora began grimly.
“Which will take time, which we shouldn’t waste, especially if people have worked out we’re here,” Nika prompted. “Anyone with basic astral sight can see through our disguises, and anyone smart and knowledgeable enough can work it out too, so waiting around is a huge risk.”
“Or we go looking for our contacts.” Alora grimaced, hating the idea herself. “There was a lot of noise in the middle of the district. Whatever it is, if they’re not here, they’re probably there.”
Along with everyone else, Chiyo pointed out. It’s a risky move.
“Do you think it’s a risk worth taking?” Jack asked, not having a particular opinion either way.
“I would frame it as our ‘least worst option’”. Alora tentatively nodded. “But in this situation we don’t want to hang around any longer than we need to.”
“You’re right, but we’ll need to be careful.” Jack sighed. “If we can’t find them, Sephy’s idea is probably the next best thing we can do. Unless anyone else has any better ideas?”
Looking around, everyone shook their heads.
“Very well then.” Alora nodded slowly. “Everyone stay as close together as you can without attracting attention. Jack, Nika, you lead the way.”
“Got it.” Nika whispered, Jack nodding in agreement as he took point, heading towards what looked like a busy main street in the distance. Though it wasn’t as covert as he would like, he figured that they could hide in plain sight while looking for their contacts.
“Eww…” Alora muttered under her breath, as a slurring reptilian almost stumbled into them, reeking of cheap alcohol and vomit as they staggered aimlessly past, weaving unsteadily across the dirt road with glazed eyes before they smacked into a crumbling wall, earning laughs from a few nearby crowds as he pitched forward and threw up on the floor.
“Damn! Wouldn’t want to be him in the morning!” Sephy quipped, as the group saw two shady-looking men approaching the drunk with ill-intent.
I doubt that fool has anything left worth stealing, Chiyo noted as they put some distance away from the imminent mugging.
“Wait, shouldn’t we do something?” Jack asked, only for Alora to sharply shake her head.
“Best not get involved,” Nika added as they saw the two muggers run away, while the drunk guy flailed around helplessly. “Or we bring much worse down upon us.”
“Yeah…” Jack sighed, who couldn’t help but agree with the logic. He felt uneasy as they weaved their way through the sea of gutter trash, not finding anybody who looked like their contacts, but gradually getting closer to the sounds of debauchery up ahead.
As they got closer to what sounded like a wild party up ahead, Jack spotted a small, rat-like Lizta squatting down right in the middle of the road taking a dump, to the immense displeasure of Alora as they gave the degenerate a wide berth.
“Reckon that was the Pooping Bandit?” Sephy joked, as Alora shuddered in disgust at what they had just witnessed.
“Doubt it.” Nika snorted in amusement. “Designated shitting streets are probably the norm here. Hell I’d sooner trust a dirt road than anything else in this shithole.”
Let’s hurry up so we can get out of here! Chiyo hurried them along. With any luck this will be the worst thing that happens this weekend.
“Let’s hope.” Jack agreed as they kept on moving, ignoring the inquisitive glances from the various beggars and panhandlers sitting at the side of the road begging for change. Though Jack wouldn’t have minded tossing a few credsticks their way, he didn’t want to look like an appealing target for any of the gangers and other trash hanging around.
“Watch out for pickpockets,” Sephy warned, as she checked the movement of a mangy toad-looking being who tried to sidle up past them, flashing him her gun, which caused him to back off.
As the group reached the top of the hill, the sounds of raucous laughter, clinking glasses and pounding music became deafening, drowning out everything else in a cacophony of noise that reverberated through the air. The streets around them were packed with a dense crowd, clamouring and jostling as they drank what looked like ale out of dirty-looking glasses, many of them chipped or smashed.
At the centre of the main street was a great obelisk jutting out of the road several metres high that looked like it was made of bright green glass, with white runes gently glowing in swirls along the base, but Chiyo looked genuinely upset by the way the star attraction of Cypherport had been defaced and almost completely blanketed by old graffiti and vandalism, and Jack couldn’t blame her. Though it bore little significance to him, he still felt a pang of sheer disappointment at seeing such disrespect for what should have been a cultural artefact, as a blue-scaled reptilian walked up to it, dropped his trousers and began pissing against it, while another placed his hand against it and puked, leaving a yellow stream along the faded glass.
“Leave it Chiyo, it’s not worth it.” Alora whispered to the distressed Ilithii, who looked like she was about to attack the men for their desecration, with Dante whining as he pawed at Chiyo’s leg.
“Guys? Over here.” Sephy called to the group and pointed. Just ahead of them was a huge building that might have once been a town hall or a temple of some kind, but looked like it had long since been repurposed into a huge nightclub.
Bolting onto the remains of what could have once been a religious symbol was a poorly maintained neon sign that kept flickering the words ‘The Soggy Pussy’.
“Welp.” Jack began. “I think we know where they probably are.”
“Well, they’re not out here.” Nika sighed. “No getting around it then, looks like we’re heading in!”
“Looks like it.” Alora sighed, as she took point.
I doubt it needs to be said, but don’t drink or take anything here, Chiyo warned, as they sidestepped a group of four off-duty Red Legion soldiers who were taking turns snorting lines of white powder off of a half-rotted wooden picnic table.
“Really? Aww damn,” Sephy joked as they politely made their way through the crowd to the front door, where a greeter was hyping up the crowd.
“You like dicks? We’ve got dicks!” The Xarak grinned as he pointed to members of the crowd. “Here at The Soggy Pussy we got lotsa dicks for you to choose! Hairy mammal dicks! Dry reptilian dicks! Wet amphibian dicks! Soft aquatic dicks! Questionable animal dicks! Laaaaady dicks!”
“Lovely…” Alora muttered under her breath as they gave the hypeman a wide berth and headed to the door, past the towering bouncers standing guard at the entrance. For a moment Jack thought they would give them trouble, but after assessing their worthiness in the mysterious way that bouncers do, they allowed them to pass without a problem.
Ducking under the buzzing signs and projections of various disgusting things that would make even Kizzarith blush, they group was immediately engulfed in a maelstrom of chaos. The pounding bass of the local shitty music swirled through the air like a physical force, shaking the very foundations of the building and almost completely drowning everything else out. Overhead, lights flashed and span in a dizzying array of colours, casting the room into a kaleidoscope of light and shadow, disorienting the group as they looked around for their contacts. Overhead, they could see a set of well-used heavy turrets scattered all along the ceiling looking out over the crowd, a sure sign that violence was commonplace here.
We should head to the bar. Chiyo indicated to the far end of the huge room. Maybe we can ask the bartenders if they’ve seen them, might need to throw them a bribe though…
“Stay behind me.” Jack warned, as he pushed his way past the writing, dancing bodies all around them tangling to the rhythm of the music, causing him to almost gag from the putrid scent of alien sweat and pheromones. He kept to the walls as a fight broke out in the middle of the dance floor between a few rival gangs, only for a few more bouncers on duty to step in and royally beat the perpetrators until they could no longer move, chucking them against the wall to take a nap.
Turning around to make sure his friends were still close, Jack moved away from the outer wall to avoid a series of women giving ‘special attention’ to a few guys, their expressions far from focused on what was going on all around them, making a beeline for the bar past a group of mercenaries smoking something questionable that left a sickly sweet smoke in the air around them.
“What you kids want?” one of the grungy-looking Xarak bartenders grunted at them with a sly expression as they approached the bar, surprising Jack that he didn’t call them out for their age, or being here in the first place. He simply guessed they didn’t care.
“A crew of River Giants,” Alora asked the man, slipping a credstick across the bar, which he pocketed with a greasy palm. “We seek the captain.”
“Yeah they’re around.” The barman grinned a creepy, toothy smile, staring at Alora a little too intently. “First balcony up on the left.
“Thank you.” Alora nodded as politely as she could before turning away.
“Finally, let’s find them and get the fuck out of here!” Nika shouted out over the noise of the crowd. “This place is dodgy as fuck!”
More than that, there was something off about that barman, Chiyo added, with all of the group agreeing with nodding heads.
“We’d better make this quick then!” Sephy urged them on. “I see stairs heading up over there!”
Making their way through the crowd they got to the staircase in the far corner of the room, near to where an avian DJ in a ridiculous purple pimp outfit was changing tracks while hanging a crack pipe out of his beak.
“Watch yourselves going up,” Jack warned as he noted the many spills dripping beneath their feet. Carefully they made their way up, dodging a few intoxicated patrons coming in the opposite direction with by now well-practised fitness.
“That looks like them over there!” Nika pointed in the distance. Indeed, a group of about 5 or 6 large green-skinned megafauna were sat around a small coffee table laughing at a joke one of them had told in between taking shots of hard liquor.
“Excuse me?” Alora called out to the oldest one, a bald man with a thick grey beard in a simple toga. “Are you Captain Ripples-On-Salt?”
“That I am lass!” The River Giant boomed out with a grinning jovial voice. “I must say you kids are all here much earlier than we expected!”
How so? Chiyo asked curiously. You were made aware by our mutual client that we would be on our way and to expect our arrival. You didn’t even post a guard on your boat!
“What in the name of deep waters are you talking about?” Captain Ripples-On-Salt scoffed. “We got word that the mess in the city meant we wouldn’t expect you until morning, got some tokens to come here to tide us over…”
“Word from who?” Alora asked incredulously.
As Alora spoke to the captain, Jack had an uneasy feeling as he looked around. Though the crowd was massive, and most seemed to pay them no heed as they conducted their business, he could somehow sense that eyes were on him, even if he couldn’t identify where they were.
“Guys, it doesn’t matter!” Nika told them. “We should finish up and get the fuck out of here!”
As Jack looked around he suddenly felt a strange sensation forcing his senses into overdrive. Immediately dismissing it as nothing malicious, he found himself looking down at his hand where the Ring of the Berserker was snugly attached. If it had actually done anything since he had first put it on, Jack didn’t know, but now for the first time it seemed to vibrate slightly, as the gem in the middle began to glow a slight blood-red, and only grew more intense in feeling…
“Alright, finish up…” the Captain began to order his crew. “We have a-”
“Fuck!” Sephy yelled in alarm, but Jack was already moving, suddenly aware of the danger as he quickly dodged to the side to avoid the knife, before grabbing the Xarak attacker’s knife-hand in a counter, using their forward momentum to drag them in a circle to smash it’s head into the wall in one solid motion. Sephy quickly used her wings to put some distance between her and her attacker, before she magdumped her twin pistols into the Korrigan that tried to stab her while the others had barely processed what was happening.
Sensing thunderous movement closing on him, Jack drew his axe and spun around in a diagonal slash, only for the axe to be caught in a single meaty hand, while the other reached forward and closed around his neck. Quickly letting go of his axe with one of his hands, the panicking Jack grabbed onto his attacker’s fingers to barely hold them back from snapping his neck then and there…
As he struggled to break free from the hold, Jack growled in defiance at the large Ogar man he really didn’t want to see again…
“Embrace your redemption boy!” the Redeemer snarled with a face bearing scars from their last encounter, his eyes staring into Jack with hatred as he squeezed tighter…
Desperately, Jack tried to break the grapple, but the Redeemer was just too strong! Behind him, he could hear the others with their own problems, so he couldn’t afford to stall for time. The confines of the balcony made it difficult for him to move around to try and slip out of The Redeemer’s grasp.
Unless!
His legs swung at the wall as the Redeemer flailed Jack about, trying to finish him, but Jack held stubbornly on. Gritting his teeth, Jack kept his footing, before he suddenly kicked off from the wall in a burst of strength, sending The Redeemer staggering back, still keeping his hold on Jack’s neck. As the two heavy forms hit the wooden safety rail, the long-rotted wood gave way like paper and smashed into splinters and the two figures headed straight to the ground below…
*****
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For context, my kids ask me regularly about "Dad-Lore" where I tell them about my childhood and they stand there with mouths agape and ask "how are you so normal?"
I grew up in a cult.
Think of that wild evangelical friend/uncle/cousin. Got them in mind? This was crazier. Like a lot.
I grew up in (what I thought was) a perfectly normal white, suburban, Canadian, Christian family. We were fairly happy. It was me, my brother, sister, mom, and dad.
We went to church every week. Church was a fairly "high priority" in our life.
You know, like everyone goes to church. Once on Sunday morning (for 3-4 hours), once on Sunday evening (evening service is where Pastor Len gets into the real issues - another 2-3 hours).
Oh, and small group on Wednesday evening (25-30 of our closest friends singing along with an acoustic guitar and half a dozen tambourines - anywhere between 3-5 hours).
And then there's the "Intercessory prayer" meeting on Thursday (a group of mostly women gather together to pray for all of their friends and family - each kept a spiral notebook as a prayer journal to make sure that all of the specific details of the friends' needs can be brought before almighty God that He might do a MIGHTY WORK IN THIS SITUATION!!!!!) (this was usually 3 hours or so)
Pant. Pant. Pant.....
I may have gotten carried away there for a moment.
Apologies.
To continue. Friday night was Youth Group (where your parents would encourage you to spend as much time as possible with THESE FRIENDS - in the hopes that we might meet a nice Christian girl who is deeply aligned with Purity Culture) (Friday nights were 4-6 hours)
Saturday morning was usually volunteering to help - so as to be "servant leaders" in our community - to help point the way to Jesus. This could be helping a family in our small group as they move, or shoveling other peoples' driveways ( 3ish hours )
Saturday night was often a second youth group event. Sometimes, it would be a fun "party type" event. Occasionally, this would involve "outreach", where we might do any number of things to advance God's heavenly kingdom here on Earth. (anywhere from 3-8 hours)
We may:

• Go swimming at a community pool (Girls must wear a one piece bathing suit with swim shorts. Boys must not be naked.)
• Have a "praise and worship" night where we would sing contemporary Christian music as a group following words projected onto any convenient wall with a transparency projector (a box with a lightbulb inside, a glass top, and a large magnifying lens like a periscope above - a piece of "transparency paper" with song lyrics would be placed on the glass and the light would project the words onto the wall)

These nights were considered some of the best youth events. We would sing and dance for hours. We would "pray in Tongues" at the top of our lungs. We waved flags with embroidered phrases like "Prince of Peace, Mighy God, Holy One".
In short, these were good nights because we felt like we could feel God right here among us.

• We might do a night of "witnessing". This could be anything from handing out (frankly hilarious) religious tracts at a local mall. Or, we might knock on doors to tell people about Jesus. We might talk with the unhoused about how Jesus could turn their life around. (This was generally done during the summer months as you don't get too many kids showing up to wander downtown streets on winter evenings)
• The roller rink was super fun. We would rent the whole place out and we could listen to only our music!!! We know all the words! (cue hours of Stephen Curtis Chapman, Amy Grant - before her affair, and if things were really crazy we might even bust out Petra "Beyond Belief")
• The Arts as a whole were considered a spiritual fom of expression, so we would often have slightly less intense outreach nights by going to other like minded churches and each group could show the other some songs or skits or an interesting story using a fanciful flannelgraph.

This is where I get to call out something that I am particularly proud of: I have memorized the lines, blocking, and movement of every single character in Carmen's "The Champion". (for context, this is allegorical retelling of the Passion Story in the form of a boxing match. It features such characters as the old testament names Jeremiah, Enoch, and Job. Along with Hitler and Napoleon just to balance things out. This song is every bit as weird as it sounds and we would act this out in real-time with a ghetto-blaster belting this rock opera out in the background)
Then Sunday would start it all over again.
Now, not every week was like this. Sometimes, there might be an itinerant Apostle or Prophet in town. It would be the job of one family in our church congregation to host this individual at their home. It was considered an honour. And it wasn't super expensive, they usually only ate breakfast (and maybe a packed lunch) at your house.
In any case, if there was a prophet visiting, there would certainly be an additional evening or two where everyone could come to get a "word from the Lord".
This would involve getting up from your chair (in a revival tent style, there would be musicians playing on the stage to crank up or down the emotional tension as needed). You would then make your way to the front of the room - just in front of the stage. I say stage, I mean "platform raised 12 inches and covered in a thick carpet". You would face forward with your arms raised to about nipples height (think, carrying a flat screen and trying to raise it onto a counter. Take away the TV and you've got the position perfectly. If you want to be particularly demonstrative in your spirituality, you'd shift your hands out like it was a widescreen so that the whole congregation behind you could see your hands waiting to receive good things from God).
And then you would stand there.
Your hands held up in gentle supplication, your head bowed respectfully in patience. If the spirit moves you, you could quietly speak in tongues (it's your heavenly prayer language - a direct line of communication with the Holy Spirit - too bad you have no idea what's being said in either direction)
The prophet would eventually work his way down the line of penitents. He would place his hands on your shoulders, or gesticulate with them as if to punctuate the words and phrases of his glossolalia. Then he would pause.
He might say something like, "The Lord is looking at you child. He is waiting....... He waits for you."
Then he would pause.
His eyes, though shut, would squeeze tighter. His face would become pained (imagine a guitar soloist picking out a particularly high lick - that facial expression)
He, might then open his eyes and touch your face to look into yours. He would smile. He would say, "your heavenly father is so proud of you. While he hasn't told me the specifics, he wants me to tell you 'I'm here. With you. Tonight.' He has a plan for you. One to prosper you, and keep you in health. His eye seeks all across this land and his eye is on YOU. Let me pray for you"
Then, you would once more close your eyes. He would place his hand on your forehead (often with some scented "anointing oil" - this could be purchased in the shoppe in the lobby alongside more tracts). He would begin to speak loudly and with authority.
"I declare THIS DAY that God's hand of BLESSING be upon this child. I BIND all powers of darkness with regards to this child of God, and I LOOSE heaven's blessings upon him"
This would often wrap up with a "thank you JESUS" and a small push.
Now.
This was the point were people would be "slain in the spirit".
It was never really explained to me. It was kind of, just, part of what happened at church.
Presumably, when the PastoProphet/Healespeaker gave that small push, God's Holy Spirit would overwhelm you and you would collapse. Generally backwards. Generally, into the waiting arms of a couple of burly ushers who would the gently lay you on the ground. If you were wearing a skirt a small cotton sheet would be layed over your legs to preserve your modesty.
After several minutes of laying on the carpet (more than 2 less than 5), you would sit up, feeling the joy of the lord as your strength. You would stand up, thank the usher, and go sit in your seat once more.
This is a light taste of the weirdness I grew up in. I will say, for anyone concerned, I was never physically or sexually abused. I am also no longer in that world, though some of my family still is.
I have more and weirder stories, but I've been tapping on my tiny keyboard for way too long, so I'll wrap up my rambling summary of a relatively typical week growing up in a cult.

People are even dying in the prison world. Misunderstood and crazy thoughts, or unfiltered exercise of the first amendment mixed with poetry and creativity.
It’s like everything I ever wanted was taken from me in the past. Every good thing was broken, and through all the trials and tribulations, the blue blood turned to red ink. Imprinted on what is the story of me being alive.
Now I have had people leaving. I gotten use to it, one door closes and another door opens. It’s the beauty of the universe.
I used to be called it, because of how ugly I am. Now people call me man. It’s embarrassing, degrading, and hurtful. Nobody ever seemed to care about my hurt. N o b o d y. I challenge it with emotion and polite grace when I can muster up the courage.
I’ve been alone as long as I can remember. Trying to network and backpacking. I’ve been doing this since I was in 3rd or fourth grade. Every weekend the night at my friends, almost every weekend of summer softball. Anywhere, I had a lot of good in my life, but nobody ever seemed to notice the hurt. I kind of liked it because I couldn’t explain it. My parents did the best they could with their struggles and their life, but often times that left me with people I knew “didn’t really want me there” or made me “burden” my parents friends. I spent more time with my softball team than my own family.
Oh well, I had lots of “friends” but decided I didn’t want my life to be like that when I was an adult. I wanted to provide for myself.
I left the boy I loved to pursue getting a career. The career was put on hold for the fbi to investigate whatever they had been investigating since someone from cps came into my 4th grade class. They asked my about my dad and I lied because they didn’t ask the right way. I knew they didn’t care by how they asked. I was warned about cps. I have no regrets. I remember meeting that lady and I know she had an agenda and didn’t care about my well being. I’ll never forget meeting her. I’ll never forget her energy and the way she assumed I was dumb. I liked everyone when I was a child, but I didn’t like her. I grew up to learn more about the cps and it’s worse than staying in the parenting you had in most cases.
My thoughts are how do you have people looking into your life since 4th grade, but you struggle with food when in college? Play full time sports and work a part time job, but no help with any food? No case worker ever thought I deserved food, but the government was SO interested in what my parents were doing wrong and had no care what the government was doing wrong.
My life has always been alone or me being a burden. I remember sitting in the back bedroom by myself surrounded by toys that weren’t mine. I’d cry back there. I remember thinking Hannah Montana and Selena Gomez were “my favourite characters” all of them, raven too. I learned human interactions from TV. I wanted to have lives like them. Lots of friends, a family, to be cared about like them. I learned social skills from softball. I was taught by a village. I always though some day I will have a life where people care about me and I wont be crying in the back room all alone some day . if I show enough care. If I work, if l just keep working on myself. Some day. I hated that back bedroom.
Nobody could ever figure out my breathing issues. They said it was anxiety and I knew it wasn’t. I later figured out it’s just a government ploy to bin people and put them on ssri’s I did lots of yoga and turned to Chinese medicine I couldn’t understand. I left the boy I had fallen in love with and quit nursing because it didn’t align with my religious beliefs. After learning the material i felt like I would have been apart of slowly killing people and it weighed on my conscience. I’d never would be smart enough or fast enough to be that superwoman nurse and I didn’t want to be a geriatric nurse my entire life.
I punished myself for “quitting”. Because other people frowned upon it. Now looking back? I think it was the most adult decision I ever made. I gave up my dream life, nursing and Joshua. I wanted joshua to come back when I became a better person. I wanted the absolute best for him, and I wanted that absolute best to be me some day.
I never got to see him again and I’ve never felt good enough for anyone. I feel good enough now to deserve respect, love, someone to celebrate the fact that somehow I’m still alive, and kindness, and a boyfriend; but my tax bracket is disturbing and after all the bad, I guess it’s hard for anyone to see any of the good inside of me. I hope people do anyways.
I’ll never forget, after I left my highschool “dream” I decided I wanted my own brand, to get engaged, and I wanted to be someone. I liked the idea of business and art and philosophy and motivating speeches and yoga Ayurveda, music, spirituality, dogs, and just light. I would be made fun of for the books I read and my beliefs. Everyone thought it was weird I wanted to play sports, go to the gym and not be slim thick , and ate a vegan diet. Nobody cared about yoga or Ayurveda like I did or like they did in Cali. Or other countries. When I was in highschool there was no such thing as “meatless” burgers. I did this before it was popular and lost a lot of friends. I was a girl that liked future, 21, and young thug better than Taylor swift. I was told I followed the beat of my own drum. I never could find my place.but there was this moment I’ll never forget . We were at the gas station. I remember my short blond hair blowing in the wind or maybe touching it because it was in my face. This blond boy in my passenger seat he gave me this “I love her look” and nobody ever looked at me like that. The moment paused and I ruined it with my awkwardness as per usual. I said with an attitude and I didn’t know why it came out like that. I not remember the reply and it doesn’t matter because he left too. I thought we were going to figure it out together. I hope he’s ok. I hope he’s living life happier, with less anxiety. It’s not all your fault, and we deserve to live. I appreciated having someone to spend time with even if it was just physical presence. I knew you weren’t for me when you didn’t kiss me in the dugout, I felt your energy. I miss your energy sometimes.. your witchcraft right? ha. but there is no feelings left because I had always hoped I’d see Joshua again.
I was scared and my energy was contagious. Until I was crippled by the feelings associated with being an empath. The love I knew came from the hood. I was taken out of the ghetto and never really could change that “Rihana” mentality. The richest woman in the world. Well spoken, truth teller (at the time), beautiful (I’m as straight as they come, but acknowledge aesthetics and beauty in all its forms. ) colored woman ready to fight to change the world. For everyone, not just herself. She reminded me of Will Smith. Up until 2019/20 both of them were my favourites. I loved what they stood up for and the roles they decided to take on. I could talk all day about art and people and philosophy. I cared. I loved them for choosing roles and making speeches that went hand in hand with hard challenging topics of social norms. I loved Miley Cyrus and how all of them weren’t afraid to go against the grain to make a positive difference even if that meant confrontation and scrutiny.
I have my own thoughts and opinions and had been able to speak about them until now. I’m never afraid to hurt feelings because that’s never my intentions. Sometimes people want their feelings to be hurt and that is their problem.
I learned a lot about myself. I finally know who I am. I can define my wants and desires. I can speak. Something I had been trying to learn how to do since my super woman highschool teacher had us listen and read the book speak as a class.
I had to lose everything to fight the conditioning.
I won, but to everyone else it looked like a loss on paper.
Im hurting extra,dirty devil I’m a mess and I want to say thanks to the people that I use to to know. Thanks to the universe for all the subliminal messages and the love I knew was directed towards me. I love you too and it’s been appreciated every step of the way. I still believe in god. I do not believe in good as much, but I know it exists and I pray that it finds me. I know I have my own views, my own thoughts, and my own opinions. I fought conditioning and turned my own life around. I stopped allowing doctors and people to place labels on me. I decided to just be what everyone else is so scared to be. My authentic self unapologetically. I have emotions and I am human, I walk on water just like Sasha the fiercer. Except I am myself with all of my own nick names.
I have loved and I have lost. everything. my friends, my family, my sanity, my house, my life (i flatlined).
This is my story.
I know the truth. It’s hard to tell. It’s too much small details that fall through the cracks in our system and get lost in translation during the time wasted on trying to win a miss congeniality contest that never existed, right Castile? Where my Demon hunters at.. huh dean? I’m just joking with you.
You know just joshing with you. It turns out the love of my life was a joke but I choose to think about it like the well written country song. “Your memory is something I don’t mess with, the one that I was the best with.” I still love you no matter why you decided to waste time with me. I know what I felt and I know that you cared and nobody will ever be able to take away, what I know we had. Not ever.
Okay okay, now hear me out. This guy. I miss him and I never thought another boy would ever touch me again. He hugged me almost everyday. He was shaking with feelings that he knew he had to fight for many reasons with the main reason being respect. He’s a good person, despite all the evil inside of (or surrounding) him. I wanted to love him. I will never love anyone the way I did josh. I care about this boy and I never want to let it go. I want you to stay, because it doesn’t seem over yet. I still need you, and that’s something I am usually good about. I know you need me too. I remember crying and you holding me in your arms. I felt loved. I know it was mixed with a thousand of our emotions that weren’t always the same, but there was some sort of connection. I’m not sure if it will last forever, but I know that you mean something to me and I can’t give up on you yet. I still care you, but trust you less and less. I still care about you, I still want you. I know we have a lot of things to work through, but I want to see what it’s like to have a relationship that two people care enough to work on it. I think you’re someone I can change for. I think you’re someone I can work with on things with. I think you’re someone I could build with. I love lots of little things about your personality or your traits.
It’s hard for me to move on, I just can’t. every-time we hang up I know I’m going to hear from you. I just get this feeling, that I know I’m still meant to be with you for some reason. I left, and wanted to few things out. I have some place I could be, and other people I could spend time with but I don’t want them all. I want you. I enjoy our talks, it makes me feel better hearing your voiceeee. I didn’t realize how much I cared about you. Sometimes I laugh when I’m sad and I know that’s crazy, but it’s about how much I care about you. It’s like a laugh when I realize my care. I trusted you. You think it’s disrespect, but it’s how I show my love and care. I’m honest. I’ll be honest with you. You never have, but you could cry in front of me and it would make me love you more. I like that you show care. You’re more intelligent than me emotionally and in other ways too. I’m more intuitive than you and I feel like we still have good conversations. You never make me feel dumb and I love you for that. I have so much gratitude for all the time that you wasted on me and for every time you showed me that I was still worth spending time with. I don’t want easy I wanted crazy. I now want simplicity and serendipity. I want love and respect and I want to give it. I want to give humility and I want to shower you with physical affection all of the time. I’ve never craved touching someone else.
That’s how I know that I loved you all differently. Love is a feeling that’s personal and you share emotions with others. Trauma influences how you show other people your care for them. And then the unexplainable science that nobody else can feel is what I fall in love with; and mannerisms. I will always be my eccentric self, and there is no way to change it. “It’s just how you are”.
I guess we almost reached ten years. I am not sure if I have ever been loved by the people I loved, but I know that at some point there was energy that was meaningful on both sides.
I have things in the making. I have hope, still; people are trying to break it or take it all away. The hate will only make me stronger. I am never going to fold, I am going to keep pushing. I am going to keep showing my emotions (all of them) I will keep asking for forgiveness, and I will keep trying to be positive. Clear eyes, full heart. I will keep on my square with my hands interlocked behind my back, praying with my hands tied. Somehow, I will be the one to beat the odds and to make history with my creed.
I am proud of who I made myself to be through everything. If you can’t respect me or love me, I will for myself and I will be polite to you. I will let others think I am stupid, I will let others think however they think about me. “What other people think of me,is none of my business.”
I have worked and I am going to beat the odds. I am going to win. I am going to prosper. I will build friends, family. I acknowledge my sanity; my court cases I’m going to succeed. Clear eyes (no matter what color), full heart. There will be housing and I can’t wait for everyone to see how a girl and her dog changed the world or her world; built her life from the dust of everything that had been lost.
I can’t wait to update you with my success stories.
Ps- I can’t imagine anyone actually reading until the end. ✨🤍💛 if you did send some glitter. (Light it’s always been my thing). don’t mind my funny title I use it to get rid of the haters, or those who can’t follow.

This is the story about how me and my best friend were held at gunpoint. 4 years ago, me and my friend, who we will call Bob, were in high school at the time and were on the bowling team. We had just got done with practice and decided we were hungry for some food. it was around 6 pm barely light outside, so we placed a mobile order pickup for McDonalds.
We arrived at the McDonalds and pulled into the mobile parking lot to wait for our food, while me and Bob chatted to pass the time. Bob, who was the driver, decided to turn the truck off and roll the windows down to save some gas. While we continued to wait, all of a sudden we heard someone yelling behind us. Me and Bob looked at each other, and then behind us, trying to find out who this distraught person was. We then saw an African American man walking around menacingly in the parking lot and approaching random people. Finally we heard him yell again, this time understanding that he needs a type C phone charger. Me and Bob start laughing because why is this dude screaming at the top of his lungs: “I NEED A TYPE C CHARGER” It wasn’t funny anymore when we saw him walking towards our truck. He started yelling at me and Bob, getting closer and closer. “Hey you guys in the white truck” I looked at bob and said “do you think he is talking about us” Bob said uh yeah, he was very specific, he is definitely yelling at us. So Bob yells back at this dude to say we don’t have a charger for him. Apparently he didn’t hear us, because then this guy starts sprinting towards our truck from across the parking lot. I told Bob that he better roll up the window before we get mugged. Of course Bob's truck has manual crank up windows, so before he even tries to roll them up, this guy is already standing right by his window.
Now we have a better look at this guy who is bald and tatted up, and is obviously on some sort of drug. His words were spazzing out all over the place, but he looked at Bob and asked him if he was trying to roll up his window. Bob at this point had just given up on the window and had accepted his fate. Now he has to talk to this guy. Bob then replied, no, I was just cranking it up a little bit. Then this guy starts asking for a type c charger again, and i told him that we have iPhones so we don’t have a type c charger. Then he asked us if we could look around in our truck for one. This guy has now asked us 4 times if we had a charger for him, so Bob said, look dude we don’t have one. You will need to ask someone else. And as soon as he said that this guy reaches into the truck through the window and grabs Bob by the chain with one hand, and with his other hand, lifts up his shirt revealing a gun. In a very stern voice he said “Don’t play with me, I have been to prison 2 times - you don’t know who I am” Bob trying not to show fear said, "hey man let’s calm down I don’t want no beef.”
I was sitting in the passenger seat and I didn’t know what to do because there was nothing I could do. Me and Bob have been caught in one of the most vulnerable situations. We knew we were on the bad side of town, but never expected something like this to happen to 2 teenage kids. So I just asked the dude what he needed a charger for in hopes to calm him down. He said that he needed to make a phone call, but his phone was dead. I was thinking to myself why would someone go so far to make a phone call. This guy wasn’t even there to rob us, so Bob said you can use my phone if you need to make a quick call. The guy finally let his shirt down and released Bob's chain to use his phone.This guy then proceeded to make his first phone call, while me and Bob just sat there listening in. We can then hear him talking on the phone saying that he was stuck at McDonald’s and was looking for a ride. This is when me and Bob realized how dangerous of a guy this was. He then said “We are going to rob that bitch Matt tonight and kill him,” Me and Bob at the time were thinking “Why hasn’t our McDonald’s come out yet!” He then hung up the call, only to make a second call to his girlfriend. In this call he tells his girlfriend the plan to rob some guy named Matt, and that it is going down tonight. He then tells her that she needs to pick him up to pursue this plan into action. After minutes of deliberating and arguing with her, he then proclaimed, “Well I'm with these two kids at Mcdonalds and they are going to take me.” Bob and I turned to each other in absolute panic. “How did we get in this situation?”
He hung up the phone with her, turned back to the open truck window and said “can you guys give me a ride” That’s when I pulled the mom card and told him that my mom is expecting me at home right now, it is getting late, and we are just kids. So of course this guy lifted up his shirt yet again and asked again “I said can you guys give me a ride?” Bob then finally gave in. The guy attempted to try to hop inside of our single cab truck, when Bob said, “We do not have room in here.” In which the guy said, whatever, I will lay down in the bed. Unexpectedly he then throws a gallon size ziploc bag filled with ounces of weed and other illegal items into the cabin of my truck which spilled and exploded everywhere like a flower bomb, “And oh yeah, if you guys try to leave, I took a picture of your license plate.” he stated.
We were getting framed. We were two innocent kids only looking to get our Mcdonalds and go home for the night to play video games. Finally our McDonalds food arrived, but obviously too late. This guy really had the audacity to grab the food from the McDonald’s employee while proceeding to chow down on the food that we had paid for. I guess he wanted a pre-robbery snack. The guy then takes Bob’s phone to type in the address to the location, the place where we are going to rob some guy named matt. He then hopped in the bed of the truck with my phone and the McDonalds food. Bob rolled his window up all the way and looked at me asking what we should do next. I said well, if we want to live, we should probably do as he says. Bob suggested we call the cops, but I told him it wouldn’t look good if the cops found the one pound of illegal subtances in our truck. There was no other option. Bob then backs out of the parking space after hearing his bluetooth radio begin instructing the location. “Your destination is 15 minutes away,” It said. Here we go. We can not believe this is actually happening. Today we are officially criminals. On the way to the robbery, me and bob began praying out loud for a miracle to happen. We genuinely believed we were going to die. I could see Bob visiblly shaking while gripping the steering wheel. We even made remarks to each other saying that this was the end. During the drive, we were stopped at a red light, and lo and behold, a police officer right next to us.
This was our way out. All we had to do was signal to the cop of our dangerous situation. Only thing is, we believed that the guy in the back of our truck was so unhinged, that if we were to get stopped, our situation would only worsen. Would the cops believe us? If not, our lives were ruined. Or even worse, would the guy shoot at the cop? Our thoughts spiraled through a million different outcomes while we were still in a state of shock. As we get closer and closer to the destination, the guy in the back of my truck yells for me to roll my window down to give me closer directions. We began slowly coasting through probably the most ghetto location in my city. It was a one way street with cars jam packed on each side of the road.
He tells us to slow down, as we don’t want to miss the spot. He is on the phone at this very moment with his friend, who was meeting us here. I look in my rear view mirror and see his friend, who was in a dark low rider trailing behind us. We tell him that we are going to let him hop out now, and the guy said no, I want you to pull into this parking lot right here. I looked at bob and was like man we are going to die. This really is the end. So bob pulled up into the parking lot connected to these worn down apartments. I noticed that there was an empty parking spot that was close to the main road, and suggested to Bob to park in that one. This parking spot was several feet above the road, with a huge dip off. Bob finally parks the truck so the guy can hop out. He came to my side of the truck which was the passenger side, opened the door and says - “Okay guys here is the plan. I’m going to rob this person real quick and y’all are my getaway. If you try to leave, well I will find you, and I will kill you, as he stuck a handful of my McDonalds fries into his mouth.
He then said to us that we will be lucky to leave with our lives tonight, as this could get messy. At least we didn’t have to go inside with him, as I think he even suggested that we go with him. I have never been so scared in my life. We did not know how this was going to go, as we have never been in such a situation before. The guy then pulled out his gun, and started heading towards the apartments. As soon as he made it only 5 feet away from us, I swiftly slammed my door and told Bob, “GO GO GO!” with no second thought. Pedal to the floor, he ramped the 2 foot curb with his lifted truck and big tires, bounced onto the road, and peeled out of there. We didn’t even look back, not even once. The adrenaline rush we felt in that moment made us hit 70 miles per hour for a good 5 blocks, as we had no clue where we were even going. What we did know is we were free. Finally free. We were screaming out in joy together.
Now we had to worry about this weed that was spilled in nearly every corner and crack of the interior of my vehicle, and not getting caught before we did so. But we just kept driving. We were still worried about that guy finding us. We considered reporting him to the police, as we had a picture of him from when he previously logged into Facebook to make his phone calls. It then finally hit us. Remember when he said he snapped a picture of our license plate? We finally realized after thinking more clearly, that there was no way for him to track us because his phone was dead. How were we so stupid to not think of that. Anyways, we finally found a dumpster in a dark alleyway to dispose of the illegal items. That is when everything really kicked in. That is how fast a normal day can go to a life threatening situation. We finally made it home and swore to never tell our parents. To this day, we don’t know wether or not he is still looking for us, but you can bet for a week straight we didn’t leave the house.

The zombie apocalypse started out slowly. First, there were the news stories of the occasional homeless person having their face eaten off by a madman. Drugs, they said. Then there were small hoards that would crash through department stores in the middle of the night, caught on security cameras smashing up the place, then gone by morning. Rising crime, they said.
Finally, it could no longer be ignored. When the widespread cannibalism began it was too late to stop the spread. Their numbers increased exponentially. Pretty soon everybody was gone. Well, everyone except for little pockets of survivors here and there, of which I was one.
Life was hard for us. It was hard to tell who was cursed: them or us. Perhaps we both were. Every hour we survived was both a blessing and curse. Some could not take it and opted out. The rest of us fought for our survival with every breath and ounce of strength we had so we could live.
We survived in the dark, like moles. We ate rats, bugs, snakes, whatever we could find. It did not matter. We scavenged for what we needed. Guns and ammunition were top priority, over food. Water was important too, very important. Most of our water came from rain. Then we distilled it to filter out impurities.
When faced with the constant struggle for survival against an enemy that both outnumbers you and cannot die, the struggle against nature, and for basic needs, you change. Your morality changes. Life has immense value to you. That is, YOUR life has value to you. Other people’s lives, maybe not so much. We all changed over those weeks and months following the outbreak. But none of us changed for the better.
Before it began I worked as a talent scout for a film production company in Los Angeles. You may have heard of our little company, Bango Wango. We put out quite a few hit films. Our biggest film was “Big Black Cocks Destroy Little Asian Hotties”. It was very, VERY HOT!! . It received 4.5 out of 5 Stiffies in the Adult Video Review. We also were responsible for “Women Fucking Strangers in Cars, Part 12” and “Hot Girl Bangs 200 Guys at Once”. We liked to stick with a tried and true formula.
Just before the outbreak exploded into all-out murderous zombie hoards and mass cannibalistic attacks, my boss, Doc “Ramrod” Rambo, sent me up to San Francisco to do a casting call for a promising upcoming film to be called “Men Fucking Hot Women”. My job was to evaluate all the girls. I interview each of them. Then I look at them naked. Then I fuck them. If I think they would be good in the film, I stuff some blow up their noses and taken them back to LA with me. You know, it’s the industry standard business model.
As it turned out, San Francisco is the worst place in the world to be in the zombie apocalypse. You would probably think that in my line of work we would be open to deviant sexual identities and practices. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. See, these leftist Dem pigs are trying to gay and tranny everyone. This reduces our target market! We shoot straight hetero shit, only. Partly, this is because it is what we all prefer. Partly, and very importantly, it is where most of the money is. And, our primary financier is a raging white supremacist who disapproves of weird leftist sex shit. I can’t say that I blame him either.
It is well known that San Fran has the highest ratio of freaks in the world. Let me tell you, having a decrepit, rotting zombie trying to murder and eat you is rather disconcerting. Having a tranny zombie coming after you is downright terrifying! Imagine, a 6.5 foot tall highly feminine zombie coming at you, with a wang flopping around. Many folks get caught staring at shit like that (e.g., flopping wangs on fem looking zombie ghouls), and fail to notice the zombies creeping up on them from behind. The poor bastard becomes dinner, and all because of the freak show science and deranged politics that went on prior to the outbreak.
But something worse happened. It stands to reason that zombies, as a primal version of a human being, want to eat. It is its primary need. But those trannies, they weren’t human in any traditional sense. They wore their sexuality on their sleeves for everyone to see. Their sexuality was their identity. This being the case, they are far different from all other human beings in life. Therefore, it stands to reason that they would be far different in death.
Zombie trannies don’t want to eat you. They want to fuck you. Since death causes brain capacity to diminish substantially, they revert to a primitive animal. This means that morality no longer plays a role in their heads. All they want to do is fuck, fuck, fuck. Obviously, nobody consensually fucks a rotting corpse. Thus, they are rapists too. It’s reverse-necro rape phenomena. I seen it. It’s real.
Maybe if we kept them in the closet back before the outbreak these tranny ghouls would only want to eat us alive. But toward the end days the leftist pigs encouraged their antisocial and barbaric urges. They normalized it. They encouraged the freaks to extract their inner abominable urges and place them at the forefront of their existence with absolutely no regard for the impact on other people and society.
See, it was the leftist movements that doomed humanity. Why? For power? For wealth? Hubris? Who knows. All I know is that I am one of the few survivors. Me, along with other survivors, are on constant guard against zombie attack. They roam around in hoards, either looking to eat us or rape us. In fact, sometimes it is both. I have seen some poor bastards being both eaten and raped at the same time. That, my friends, is some ghoulish shit.
It was only a matter of time before the survivor numbers dwindled. I eventually hooked up with a fella from back East that went by the name “Tex”. He was a tough son of a gun. Together we stood a much better chance at survival. One night while camped out under an overpass Tex, with a long drawn out southern drawl, said, “Well now, fuck boy, I think we’uns need ta think bout headed back east, away from the hoards and the feggets.”
Tex reasoned that we could live in rural areas and pretty much be steer clear of zombies altogether. I asked Tex, “What about the tranny zombies?!?” Agitated, old Tex said, “We ain’t got none of that thar sheeyit in Texas, fuck no!” I was all in for Tex’s plan.
We jacked a Dodge Charger in Compton. I hotwired it. Tex said, “Well shit fire, fuck boy! I thought ya’ll had to be one of them thar negroes to knowd how to do that sheeyit! Heh heh heh!” We managed to collect enough gasoline that was still good to get us to Texas. We put it in all sorts of containers and pulled it behind us in a trailer. Tex rigged up a trailer hitch on the ghetto ride for the trip.
I was a long and arduous journey. You may think it would be easy since there wasn’t anyone left to cause a traffic jam, but you would be wrong. There were abandoned cars everywhere, with zombies peppered about here and there. We were viciously attacked in Las Vegas by a hoard of zombies dressed like Debbie Reynolds. Fortunately, we managed to escape with our honor intact.
One night we camped out under the stars. We caught a couple of large lizards and cooked them over an open fire. After dinner we relaxed and watched the stars as we smoked cigars from a box of Padron we found at our last stop. Something had piqued my curiosity about Tex. Finally, I had to ask him.
“Hey, Tex?”, I said. “Yep”, he replied. I asked, “What were you doing in San Francisco? I mean, you have made it pretty clear that San Fran ain’t got much to draw you to it.” Tex said, “You don’t need to knowd all bout that, fuck boy.” I kept on prying. Old Tex eventually relented.
“I was in San Francisco to meet a man I had met online. Ya’ll can think of it as a date, if ya’ll want”, said Tex. I was floored!!! Tex just came out to me. A gay Texan? I just could mot wrap my head around it. I had to know, so I asked, “But Tex, does that mean that … YOU are a homo?!?”
Tex pulled out his revolver and violently struck me with the butt of the gun right on my nose. Blood spewed out as the pain was excruciatingly throbbing in my sinus cavities. Then I heard Tex say, “I AIN’T NO GODDAM FEGGET, YOU ASSHOLE!! What in tarnation is wrong with you?!?”
I managed to get the bleeding to subside after a while. Clearly, Tex had broken my nose. I could not breathe through it anymore and the painful throbbing was still going strong. “Jesus fucking Christ, Tex! It was just a fucking question”, I said.
After a couple moments Tex said “Ah, hell fire, fuck boy. Ima sorry fer braking yer nose. But ya’ll jest cain’t ask a man shit like that, ya know?” I nodded. Of course, he was right. But I grew up in Candy Ass Land here in California, so it’s rather easy to forget what a man is, and is supposed to be. Tex was a real man, that is for certain. With a little prodding I got Tex to tell me why he was in San Fran when the shit hit the fan.
It turns out that he had, in fact, been talking to homos online, and that he traveled to California to meet them. But it was not to fuck them, literally. It was to fuck them up physically. This is something Tex says he likes to do when he gets a day off from the cattle ranch he manages back east. “See, we ain’t got us no queers out thar in Texas. So we got to go out to San Francisco fer queer beatins and sech.”
I nodded in understanding. While I do not personally engage in queer beatings and such, I respect people’s right to do so. In fact, after living amongst all the Candy-assed bed-wetting leftists in Cali for so long, I found Tex and his approach to life to be quite liberating and refreshing. Maybe I was going to like it in Texas!
Tex then said, “Well, it’s yer turn, lil buckaroo!” I asked Tex what he was talking about. “What were yer lilly white ass doing in feg town?” I told him, “I was fucking bitches auditioning for a new fuck flick I was making.” Tex shook his head and laughed.
I wandered what Tex thought of me. Here he is, the epitome of a man from the old west, typified by living a moral and honorable life. I suddenly was overcome by a deep wave of shame in the face of the good and wholesomeness exuded by Tex. I bowed my head in disgrace. Imagine how I felt. I had fucked away my whole life on pussy and coke. Now, here I am, 50 years old and absolutely no goals set for the balance of my life, except for more pussy and coke. Sigh …
My sudden and overwhelming deep depressive state must have registered with Tex. He looked over at me staring at my feet and said, “It’s ok, you know?” I asked what he meant by that. He continued.
“It’s ok that you is a pussy chasing degenerate. Hell, the world needs porn. If I had not seen porn at a young age then I would not have learned how to fuck right fer years to come. I would have suffered years of humiliation learning how to properly bone a chick. But thanks to porn, I was able to master my stroke by 16. Without my confidence I most likely would not have poked Nelly Ann like the hard stud I am today. I totally crushed her pussy! Then she became my wife. All this, thanks to pornography.”
I thought about this. Tex was right, wonderfully right! I never really considered that I was doing the world a service by making porn movies. A wide grin took over my face. I felt…pride! It was unfamiliar to me. In fact, I did not really know what it was. But it felt good. I glanced over at Tex, who was grinning too. Then he said, “That’s right, fuck boy. YOU have value as a man. That makes you ever bit as real man as I am.”
I felt like I had won the fucking lottery. Never before in my entire life have I ever had one bit of self-esteem. Now my cup runneth over thanks to Tex! I had been doing God’s work all along and I just didn’t know it. I wanted to celebrate. I asked Tex, “You want to snort some blow?” He replied, “No sir, but you go right ahead and enjoy yerself”.
——————/
Three days later Tex and I arrived at his cattle ranch in west Texas. It was called “Steered Straight”. Unfortunately, all of the livestock lay dead and rotting in the fields. There were no humans anywhere. The ranch was totally abandoned. I said, “Jesus, Tex. What a fucking shit hole.” Tex said it had definitely seen better days.
I asked Tex, “So, you own this place?”. Tex replied that, no, he did not own it. He was merely the manager. I asked him who owns it. He said, “The fucking Chinese, that’s who.” I said, “Shit! How did THAT happen?”. Tex explained.
“See, fuck boy, this here old ranch been in my family fer generations. But when dad died he willed all the land to my asshole brother, Peter. Old Pete was one of them thar fancy pants college boys. He promptly sold the ranch to a big old corporation back East called ‘Fuck Everybody, Inc.”. They then sold it off to the goddamned Chinese communists.”
Tex bowed his head in recollection of the sad state of his family ranch. I asked Tex why his dad gave it to his asshole brother and not him. Tex replied, with his patented slow Texas cowboy drawl, “Well sir, dad had every intention of leaving the ranch to me. See, back when mother passed away in 1978, dad sort of changed. He got wild with the whores and the blow. He eventually remarried a sweet young stripper from Lubbock named Ana Conda.”
“Well, dad found out that I had been fucking Ana on the down low. So he got pissed and changed his will. I apologized to him repeatedly but nothing would change his mind, the stubborn old son of a gun”, said Tex.
I then interjected, “So you lost the entire ranch because you were banging a whore?” Tex said yes, and then we fist bumped. I said, “Yep, pussy will get your ass in trouble.” Tex agreed.
We went to the ranch house and cleaned shit up so we could live there. Fortunately, the well still functioned, so we had water. All the food was spoiled, as there was no electricity. I asked, “What are we going to do for food, Tex?” He said, “Well, fuck boy, we is gonna hunt us up sum grub. You ever handle a gun before?”