Red rash hurts to walk

I’ve been EP for almost 6 weeks now. The first month was SO painful, I realized I had the wrong flange size and have since bought the correct size but now I’m having different problems. Does anyone else get irrationally angry while pumping? I feel so awful for my fiancé, but whenever I’m pumping I am just SO angry. I know I’m being ridiculous but I just can not control my anger and it’s literally only when I’m pumping. I also literally hate pumping, I know it’s great for my baby and everything but it is so uncomfortable. I hate feeling alike I have any milk in me, I can not go to sleep unless I’ve freshly pumped and if I wake up I have to pump after, even if it’s only been 20 minutes. It’s almost impossible for me to get comfortable as well, my nipples are so sensitive. Like just breathing I can feel them rubbing and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. I’m not sure if I need a smaller flange size for my right breast but that nipple is insanely sensitive and it’s also much more swollen than my left after pumping. I pump for the same amount of time and with the same suction for both. I’m also freezing always and any type of cold weather makes my nipples hurt. Where I live it’s starting to get warm, I can feel that my body is warm but I physically have the shivers quite often. I just walk around feeling extremely uncomfortable 99% of the time, I love that I’m able to supply my baby with some breast milk but I just hate feeling this angry and unbearably uncomfortable all the time. Just hoping someone here is going through something similar or has some insight into why I’m feeling this way.
I’m also going for my 6 week appointment in two days and I plan on bringing this up with my OB. Also my baby is still in the NICU so they heavily advise that “breast is best”, even though my baby has to have 27 calorie fortified breast milk. Which 27 calories is the most extra calorie they do at this specific hospital.

Hello everyone
Its been about two weeks since my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me out of the blue (Genuinely thought she was the love of my life. we managed to get through almost 4 full years of university together and not even the first day we both move back home she drops this bomb on me. Not getting into crazy details but I have a hunch she is now pursuing a guy in her group of friends, "guy friend group" that they go clubbing with etc...
My friends went out clubbing last weekend as they wanted me out of the house. Without being a downer, my boys have zero game with women. We sorta just sat there and watched while other dudes were hitting on girls that we were "about to approach."
Anyways, given my ex-girlfriend dropped me out of the blue and has multiple guy friends involved with her friend group, im in desperate need to move on and start chatting with other girls as my group of friends doesnt really have any single girls in it.
The weekend that we did go clubbing, I mustered the courage to ask one girl i found attractive for her name as she walked by. She did indeed gave me her name but just continued to walk by. I was happy i managed to even attempt to chat her up but I cant lie, the rejection hurt a bit. (i was the only guy in my group to talk to any women that night.)
My biggest insecurity is my height, and before you mention it, i know im not the shortest but i have had females tell me i would be "crazy hot" if i was taller. (im 5'9, about 5'10, when wearing shoes at the club.) For further context, i would say im a relatively attractive caucasian man. Ive been approached by the opposite gender numerous times when out (had a girlfriend during these times at university bars) Im 22, workout everyday, watch what i eat, have fairly good social skills and I do know that i will be confident talking to women in a little while as this break up is so recent.
I guess what im asking to both the men and women of this sub-reddit, is to what are the biggest factors i can adjust to improve my chances of getting a number or even getting laid?
This may sound like a bit of a sob story but I would genuinely love to hear any related info. (hoping there are some other men my height or shorter who could be going through a similar situation and this post will help them.)

The apothecary spent the first few months tending to wounded Space Marines, starting their garden aboard the ship, and learning as much as they could in order to stay in the good graces of the Lady who took them in. They had learned that she was Mortarion, Primarch and daughter of the God Emperor of Mankind. They knew little of the Emperor of Mankind, and he focused on more practical medical research than learning more about their commander’s father.
Mortarion had kept a watchful eye on the apothecary she had brought on board. She half expected her sons to rip the psyker to shreds, or for the young apothecary to be overwhelmed by the number of wounded and dying. However, they had thrown himself at his work, spending time working on caring for her sons and learning. Most surprising was that the apothecary had created a garden inside the apothecary chamber, and Mortarion was starting to think the chamber smelled .... good? Pleasant? She could not be sure, but she was sure that she had made a good decision. Her sons seemed to have even accepted the psyker into their ranks, at least enough that they wouldn't immediately kill them. Typhus however did not seem quite as accepting of the apothecary, and Mortarion couldn’t quite blame him.
The apothecary kept working and working. They could feel that their psyker powers were getting stronger, and their control over them growing. They could heal the massive sons of his master quickly, knowing now how to best heal them but also how to best control their healing psyker powers. As they improved his apothecary skills and their psyker powers, they worked diligently on their garden, adding new plants and keeping the garden beautiful. Typhus watched on from a distance, sometimes while he was checking on his brothers, sometimes just to keep an eye on the psyker. He did not trust the apothecary, no matter how much his mother said that their skills were of great use, and they were badly needed at all times.
Mortarion started spending more and more time in the apothecary chamber. She said it was to look after her sons, but Mortarion knew part of her just wanted to enjoy the smell of the flowers. She wanted to smell something else, something other than the gas and the haze. Of course she never took her mask off, but what bit of pleasant aroma she got, she would take. Typhus could see this. He could see what he considered to be the slow corruption of his mother by someone by a psyker, even if they were from his home planet. It didn’t matter. He would have to confront his mother, or take action on his own. As he plotted, far distant bile filled laughter could be heard, the father was watching and waiting.
They could see their master spending more time in the apothecary chamber. One day they walked up to their master, “Do you have any wounds that need tending M’lady?” They held a series of flowers and herbs in their hands that they had been working with before they went to check on Mortarion.
Mortarion wasn’t sure what to say but thought it would be best to say something. “I am alright apothecary thank you…” Mortarion didn’t know what came over her, but she hoped that no one heard what she said.
They couldn’t quite hear the last parts, but they were at least comforted that their master was unhurt. They returned to their apothecary work, creating substances, tending to their plants, and the Space Marines.
Typhus looked on ever longer in disgust. Upon Mortarion’s exit from the apothecary, he approached her with the intent to confront her. “Mother, is it truly necessary to keep the psyker on the ship, I care not if he is skilled, he will surely cause the corru….”
“Typus, I will not tolerate such thoughts. The apothecary is within the rights and is well supervised. They will bring no harm to your brothers, I assure you. Now, if there is nothing else, I have other matters to attend to.” Mortarion walked off to take on other duties, leaving Typhus in a building fury. He would not tolerate the desecration of their mother; he would have to get rid of the plants. That would surely drive a wedge between Mortarion and the apothecary.
The apothecary had the nightmare again, the four voices laughing, and the smell of bile.They can also see their garden withered and dying, the smell of decay in their nostrils. They wake up in a shock, hurrying to check on their garden. They found that their vision had come true, and that they were too late. Mortarion came in shortly after, seeing the apothecary on their knees trying to find something in the field of decay. Mortarion called out to them, “Apothecary, what has happened?” Mortarion moved to their side, laying a hand on their shoulder. “Apothecary, what has happened” she said again, but quieter, calmer; maybe even caring.
The apothecary turns to Mortarion, eyes wet with tears, hands and knees covered in dirt, grime and withered plant parts. “My plants. They're gone. They’re all gone….”
Mortarion did not know how to comfort the apothecary, they had no knowledge of care or concern. However, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a lily, growing alone in the field of decay. She was going to grab it, but seeing the grim on her hands, she avoided touching the little flower that was left. “It seems a lily still remains. I know of a safer place if you wish to take it elsewhere.”
The apothecary looked up, gently cupping the lily in their hands. “Thank you, M’Lady.” They dug the lily carefully out of the ground, placing it into a pot near their workstation. “I am ready to transport it, M'Lady. Please, lead the way.” The apothecary said, dried tears caking their face.
Mortarion led the apothecary to her personal quarters, gesturing to an empty space on the far side of the room. “You can use this as your garden. No one will hurt your plants here.”
The apothecary was both shocked and appreciative at the opportunity. They gently laid the pot into space, taking care to keep it safe. Mortarion thought perhaps she would do her best to ease the pains of the apothecary, her lily. “I’ll leave you to your work.” She said, calmly, not her usual aggressive or brooding manner. She exited her room, leaving her lily alone to care for her flower.
As soon as she was out of line of sight, her face twisted in hatred as she went searching for Typhus. Once she found him, she picked him up, holding him by his neck. “What did you do to the apothecary’s garden!? Tell me Typhus!”
Typhus laughed maniacally in Mortarion’s face; his face twisted with an evil she had not seen from her sons. “You care too much for that psyker. Have you forgotten what those sorcerers did, did you forget mother? Have you forgotten you are?”
Mortarion squeezed his neck tighter, her hatred burning in her chest. “You know better than to talk to me like that.” She could see the mark of Chaos upon her son, and she took her scythe in free hand. “You are no longer a son of mine; your corruption will end with you. Goodbye traitor.” She cut off his head with her scythe, carrying his body to the airlock, where she jettisoned the body of what was once her son.
Mortarion went to join her lily in her room, joining her apothecary in the making of their garden. She hoped it would calm her down, she hoped that she could smell that sweet smell again, she hoped that she could show her traitor son that he was wrong. She would show him that he was wrong, even if she had no idea how to garden.

Hello, I’m 54 years old healthy and active. Hysterectomy was one year ago. Lapirscopic, left both ovaries. I was anemic at the time and had 3 iron infusions before and 3 after. Overall I feel very well and do not regret the surgery. Immediate recovery took 12 weeks. internal Stitches did not heal until 8 weeks. I did PEMF therapy (very much recommended, really helped!). And physical therapy (again very helpful) However, the level of pain I feel now in my knees and hips has been steadily increasing. I really feel like surgery started some process in my body (menapause , possibly ibly of coarse) but I had no knee pain and no hip pain prior to surgery. Now I hurt. Collegen has helped and I continue to do light Pilates and walk about 2 miles a day. Did anyone else have this experience? Thank you in advance!

I posted a few days ago about my back pain- and it has significantly worsened. I can't bend over without feeling nauseous from how intense the pain is. Even resting, moving as little as humanly possible, it hurts so bad. I tried stretching and some PT stuff on my own in attempt to help my pain a little, but it got so much worse. Yesterday, it just hurt to bend down. Today? Physically cannot force myself to even try, I don't think I've ever had that happen. I just mentally cannot make myself. I could barely propel my wheelchair and my crutches were more excruciating than just walking 1 mm per second without them. I can only scoot while walking, if I lift up my legs more than going up a step would, it hurts horribly. I have had a horrendous depression room for awhile, so I've had to painstakingly pick up my stuff and move it over so I don't face plant trying to get in. I can't even sit on the floor. The floor has always been the most comfortable place for me. I can't get up off the floor. I knew this was probably going to happen, but it just happened so fast. I asked my parental to call the orthopedic doctor as soon as she can, but of course, "they're just gonna do xrays again and say you're fine" and "we need to wait for PT before the MRI" (she hasn't even attempted to call them) I'm just. If this doesn't get better with resting as much as I can, I think I might need to go to the ER. Something has to have slipped or ruptured somewhere. The ER can't do much, unfortunately, so it'd be an absolute last case scenario, but sitting here unable to take any pain meds (Mast cell issues) crying will do no better, and the ER tends to treat injuries better than chronic illness stuff. My cyst pain has been really bad too, but not really worsened, just still there. Only difference is that it's constant now. I just wanna go to the fucking doctor man. I don't wanna have to argue to not be neglected, I wish services fucking took this seriously when I was a kid because majority of my health issues only got this bad due to being unable to access medical care, by the choice of my gaurdians. I don't want more organ damage than I already have from this shit.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when I was 13 by a nurse practitioner and a separate psychiatrist. My parents knew I was struggling and wanted to do their due diligence, so took me to a few different doctors/therapists before taking action. I don't blame them at all because they were just trying to help and how were they supposed to know that it was just normal teenage mood fluctuations that caused temporary anger issues? They simply saw me suffering and did what they thought would help. After explaining about 1 intense mood episode I had to all these doctors, and the fact that both my uncle and grandfather suffered from psychotic/detached from reality episodes, I was put on a low dose of seroquel. I don't know how to feel because I know the way I described it was very stark and I can logically see how they would come to the conclusion they did. But I was 13 and didn't know anything about bipolar, I just knew that something was wrong with me for feeling how I was feeling and I wanted help. I didn't really notice any difference with my moods on seroquel so each time I visited the NP I asked her to increase the dose, hoping it would do something. Eventually I got to 600mg. And gave up with expecting it to do anything about the moods and stopped asking for the increases and just stayed on that dose. And I also feel like it's in the range of a "normal" dose so it's not like that in particular raised any red flags. The only reason I stayed on it was that it 1) it gave me apathy and numbed my emotions which, to be honest, was something I didn't mind when my normal emotions were just me suffering from sadness and loneliness. Feeling numb was better than feeling sad, 2) I'm pretty sure I have insomnia and seroquel was the only thing that let me sleep at night and 3) in low doses it acts as an antihistamine so it helped with my allergies. So I can't say that it was entirely unhelpful, but as I went to college and got away from my childhood I realized that when things started happening to me I just... didn't feel anything? People kept telling me I was so incredibly emotionally intelligent, but that was because I didn't have any emotion so relied 100% on logic to make my decisions. It wasn't like I had so much emotions I could detangle them to figure out what they were, I just didn't have any emotions to begin with and you can't detangle something that doesn't exist. I'm now finally weaning myself off seroquel after reading the DSM criteria and doing extensive research and realizing that although some symptoms match up, I don't have nearly enough to actually align with that disease. I'm currently down to 200mg and i'm starting to smell more things, i'm not longer constipated to the point of going #2 hurts, I don't sleep for 10 hours every day, and I can start feeling some emotions again. How do I make peace with the fact that I spent 11 years unnecessarily on this medication, and the only reason the dose got so high was because I, being naive, asked for it? Because I don't expect my health care professionals to say "no, I think I know your body better than yourself and i'm going to dictate what dose you'll be on". To be fair, the anxiety medication they prescribed genuinely did help, and i'm not so much against meds as I think that doctors need to do a better job at explaining how exactly they work, what side effects can happen, and then ask the patient if they would like to try it and what their boundaries/comfortability surrounding it are and follow that lead instead of acting superior and a "let's get as many patients in as possible" sort of deal. Basically being a lot better at informed consent and respecting patients wishes and not treating them like a number. So how do I get past the anger I feel about how much this medication robbed me of normal experiences when I was the person who asked for the increase??? How do you make peace with something like that when it's your fault???

It is a man, old and scraggy. He wears a jacket that lays over the red plaid button shirt and blue jeans. He wears an old baseball cap and a pair of glasses. He yelled something to Dad, holding his hands up like he was pleading, although we couldn’t hear it over the truck engine. They talked, but we couldn’t hear what they were saying.
“Hey, what are they saying”, I asked, while petting Matt’s hair, calming him. The old man then put his hands down and came close to Dad in a cautious way. They seem to start having some kind of conversation.
“I don’t really know, hopefully, something good”, Mom answered. They talked for a little while, with daylight beginning to disappear, giving us a sense of dread, and making me more worried about what weird creature was going to show up. Eventually, the old man turned and pointed toward what I think is the northeast. They then shook hands and walked back to their respective vehicles. “What’s going on”, Mom asked as Dad got into the truck.
“Well, our new friend here invited us to dinner at his farm”, Dad replied.
“Does he have supplies?”
“Well, he says has supplies for us to make the journey.”
“Should we even trust him? We just met h-”
“Relax, he’s just an old man, living alone at his farm, feeding his cows. What could go wrong”, Dad countered. The old man then entered the truck that was running and drove slowly, expecting us to follow him.
“Alrighty then, but we have to be cautious”, Mom said, with her suspicions of the old man. We then followed the old truck along the dark, frozen road. It just feels like something is going to show up along the road, but nothing happened. Matt did eventually stop crying, but he is still upset about the Joe escape thing.
“Where are we going”, Matt lamented, with the prior series of events in mind.
“I guess somebody is offering us dinner”, I answered.
“Why can’t we just go home?”
“It’s only going to be a stop, like a hotel. After that, we go to our new home, I guess”, I said, taking another look at Matt and cradling to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay.” I stared out into the darkness. I looked to the sky from the window and I faintly saw something in the clear, dark sky, lit up by the waning moon. They were brilliant, green auroras that defy the bright moon, dancing across the sky like ribbons in the wind. The truck eventually took a right-hand turn into another road, with us following suit. I can see a bright, orange light emerging from a patch of tree. When we passed by, it seemed it was a house, at a farm, burning in a massive flame.
“I guess those people aren’t so, uh, lucky”, Dad said, taking a quick look at it before looking at the road. Passing by, we went on and continued to follow the old man’s truck. We passed onto another intersection until he turned into a driveway to what I believe to be his farm. Going into the driveway, I can see an old house, along with a dilapidated farm further away, barely visible by the headlights. The old man parked by the house, where there were a few other trucks there. We parked alongside the truck and we got out into the cold, near-silent night.
“Welcome to sanctuary, where all are welcome”, the old man bellowed. This is the first time I’ve heard his voice. Matt was the last to get out of the truck, slowly and clumsily climbing out of the truck.
“What’s your name”, my Mom politely asked the old man.
“Oh, I guess your husband didn’t tell ya. My name is Steven, but you can call me Steve”, the old man said, with some crackling in his voice. “I am very proud to host a dinner for you and your family”, he continued. “What’s your name, ma’am?”
“Oh, my name is Janice”, Mom replied, quite pleased at his politeness.
“Hello, Janice, and what are their names”, Steven asked, pointing to me and Matt.
“That’s my daughter Kate and my son Matt”, Dad said to Mom.
“Oh, what wonderful names for a couple of beautiful children you have”, Steve grinned. “Come, it is dangerous out here.” We followed him to the house, which looked like it had seen better days. He entered through the double-set door, the first a solid door and a screen door behind. Entering the house, it smelled like what you’d expect, old man. Looking onto the floor is made of glossy wood and walls with cracks, likely caused by the earthquake. It is dark in there, lit by candlelight from many candles, yet it’s fairly warm here. I don’t know why we went into the house, but Dad was right, Steve is just a lonely, old man. Matter of fact, there seems to be nothing wrong here, other than the cracks in the walls. “Sorry, the power went out. Had to resort to the candles. I knew my wife would come in handy”, Steve explained as he took his coat off. “Oh, supper will be ready right away. Had to use the fireplace to cook. Also, can you take your boots off?” We took our boots and set them aside. We went into what seemed to be a living room, with dusty old-style furniture.
“So, where do we sit”, Mom asked.
“Oh, well, follow me”, Steve commanded, leading us to the dining room, with a long, wooden table and six wooden chairs, along with their corresponding old-fashioned plates, glasses and cutlery, lit up in the candlelight. We noticed that everything on the table was covered in a thin veil of dust. “My apologies, the recent shocks dropped a bit of dust on the table”, he explained as he noticed us looking at the plates and moved into another room nearby. “Take your seats if you like.” We all settled onto the chairs, and blew off our plates of the dust settled there.
“When will we eat”, Matt impatiently said.
“Once Steve comes out with the food”, Mom answered. Matt sat there with a tired look on his face. Dad seemed to be in a better mood than before and it looked like he wanted to start a conversation.
“Hey, should we talk about something”, Dad asked. I then see Steve with a bowl and a silver plate.
“Here we go, may not be much, but at least it’ll fulfil the soul”, Steve said, smiling when he served us mashed potatoes and meatloaf. “So, shall we pray?” That came unexpectedly, as we are not too religious, but we were in his house and gave us shelter and food.
“Sure, we can do that”, Mom said and we all bowed our heads and put our hands together. Steve cleared his throat
“Thank you, Lord, for this good food to feed the soul in these hard times. I shall pray, in the name of the Lord and Jesus Christ, that these hard times shall be over, so we can get on with our lives. Amen.” We raised our heads and grabbed whatever food there was onto our plates. “Oh, there’s no gravy, so we have to deal with bare potaters and meatloaf.”
“Oh, not to worry. Thank you for the food”, Dad thanked Steve. We began to eat the food once we got it sorted.
“So, what brings you here”, Steve asked.
“Well, there is an evacuation order in effect for this area, so we had to go to Regina”, Dad explained, with Steve taking in every word. “So, we came from Strasbourg, we tried going south towards Regina, but we hit an obstacle in the way and we had to take another route, leading us here.”
“And we encountered a few odd things along the way”, Mom added.
“Huh, interesting. What do you guys think is going on”, Steve inquired.
“By the things we saw, we have no idea. Dinosaurs, devil dogs, hell pigs, the whole deal. I shouldn’t forget the earthquake. They told us a pipeline leak caused by the earthquake”, Dad clarified to Steve.
“Hmm… is that so”, Steve wondered. “Wonder what I think is happening? The Rapture is happening. Do you know how the Bible tells us of the end times? Good people sent to be with God and his kingdom, the rest here to suffer the Hell unleashed by Satan.” By this point, he was beginning to rant, but we couldn't stop it as we all began to feel tired and powerless. “So, the Devil will send his demons in the form of these illusions so that they can torment the sinners. It is happening, it is-” Steve manically continued as I drew towards blackness and his voice becoming less coherent. My vision is now all black.
I saw those same lights, but more rapidly than before. I then emerged onto the same clear sky, but something felt different. I can smell something in the air. I can smell what seems to be chemicals in the air. Looking down, I was terrified. Dark, grey rock in the shape of ropes and folds, similar to those I saw of lava flows on a volcano in pictures. This went on as far as the eye could see. I can see no tree this time, just the cooled lava everywhere. I then walked, feeling every bump and crag. I thought I walked forever until I heard a rumbling sound and woke up.
I am in total darkness. It is cold and it smells like cow manure. I tried to move my hand, but it seemed to be bonded behind my back by a rope. I tried to move my feet, but they were also bound by rope to the legs I tried to speak, only to realise my mouth was agape by a cloth in my mouth. I heard shuffling nearby but I could not see. It was then shone in light when Steve entered the door, holding a candle, revealing all of us in the same situation. I then can see what we are in. We are in that same wooden dilapidated barn we saw earlier and seems to be more damaged than the house, wood creaking can be heard.
“These sedatives are more effective than I thought. Maybe I should use them more often”, Steve smoothly explained, like he’s some kind of agent and began pacing. “Wonder why you are here? Well, I wondered the same thing to myself, why didn’t God take me to his heaven? When I first heard of the government telling us of those evacuation plans, I thought it was that, a leaking pipe. I began to notice things I couldn’t believe myself, at least at first. Earthquakes, weird creatures showing up, people disappearing, the whole spiel. I connected the dots. The Rapture is happening, for sure, but why me? Why was I the one left here on this Earth”, Steve calmly ranted, pacing around the barn, but it seemed to sound crazier and angrier the more he paced. “I thought I had lost my way. I’ve been unfaithful to God and his son. But, I realised that God always has a plan and he left me on this Earth to serve a purpose. I wondered what my purpose was until I had a moment.” He then stopped in place and calmed down. He turned to look at Mom with accusing yet crazed eyes.
“I’m supposed to keep the sinners here in line, to earn a place in God’s kingdom, or suffer in Hell. I know you are a sweet woman, Janice, but your treachery with Satan is over and I am going to do what’s right.” Mom then looked at all of us, with assuring eyes like that of an innocent yet caring mother we all know knew. I began crying and trying to speak through the cloth, but I was helpless to watch by. “Forgive me, Father, for what I am going to do.” He then pulled a knife from his pocket and plunged it into Mom’s neck with no mercy. I looked away once he did that, trembling, with tears pouring out and my vision glazed and I fell limp. I could see my brother tearing up, but he did not look away. I can hear Dad behind me, with his screams of agony and anger covered by the cloth. It felt like I was in slow motion, taking in every moment.
I then heard the chair, screeching as Steve dragged the chair containing Mom’s lifeless body towards the door, leaving behind a trail of blood. I couldn’t bear to see my mother like this. I shut my eyes very hard and hoped it would go away. The door then shut, leaving us alone with a candle, fearing what would come next. I stared at the candle, seeing it dance in the flames like a woman dancing in the darkness. Is this how it’ll end, I thought. End up dying to this sick man? My Mom was killed in front of me. I sobbed with that thought, then I began to think about the inevitable death of me. I hope there’s something after I die. Maybe I’ll see Mom again.
It was silent for a while, nearly no sound other than our moans. Dad seems to be fidgeting at the back of his chair, rocking it slowly. Looking past him, I shuddered at the glistening pool of blood, where Mom was last alive, could be my fate. I then see Dad release his arms from the back of the chair and remove the cloth from his mouth. He silently stood up and bent down to untie his legs from the chair legs. He then went to me and removed my cloth.
“H-h-how did you do that”, I silently wept, fearing that Steve would show up at the door and kill us all.
“My binding is loose. The old man probably took a liking to me”, Dad whispered. “I should remove your binds.” He untied them, releasing me, doing the same for Matt. “Now, we need to be quiet.” We then walked, quietly, along the painfully creaking wood in the near dark, following the blood trail, glistening in the candlelight. We cringed and dreaded each sound we made and watched the door in case it began to creak open. A few silent steps later, we made it to the door and we slowly opened it so as not to make any noise. What was revealed to us is nothing new, other than the blood trail continuing in the snow directing towards the back of the barn. “Okay, Kate, Matt, you guys run to the truck.”
“What about you”, I sobbed.
“Don’t worry about me”, Dad responded, giving me his keys and forcing them into my hand. “If I’m not back in a few minutes, leave. Don’t look back, take care of your brother, okay? I love you, no matter what happens.” He then kissed me on the head and ran to follow the blood trail. We quickly walked towards the black truck, stranded there for maybe hours. Getting closer, freedom is getting closer. When we got to a fair distance to the truck, I heard footsteps behind me and, the next thing I knew, I was knocked over to the ground into the hard snow on my face. A hand turned me over to give me a glimpse of a crazed Steve, his eyes wilder than before.
“Oh, yes, trying to escape”, he bragged. I looked at him, frozen in fear, like a deer in headlights and he caressed my face with his bloodied blade. “You do have a pretty face, but I’m afraid you are just one of Satan's creations, made to pull me to lust.” He then raised his knife in the air when a familiar side emerged, out of the blue.
Joe came and bit him in the arm that was holding the knife. Steve screamed in agony the moment he realised what happened. He shook Joe off and stood up to stand his ground. I stood up as Joe hissed and walked around the crazed being he wounded, not in fear but in aggressiveness. “Is this one of your pets, demon”, Steve screamed as Joe came in for another attack, but Steve countered that with a slash to the snout. Joe then ran away, whining, into the darkness. This sequence of events gave me the chance to enter the truck on the driver’s side. I had some trouble starting it, besides this is my first time driving a truck.
Steve menacelily walked towards the when Dad came barreling and tackled him to the ground. Dad was on top when he went limp. I finally put the keys in the engine turned it on and backed out, with memory serving me the instructions on such a vehicle. Steve pushed Dad’s body and stood up, but by that time, we left the farm.
“Turn back, we have to get Dad”, Matt cried, but I was very emotional, accepting what happened. I felt that, without my parents, I feel… useless.
“Dad’s dead”, I screamed at Matt and he began gagging uncontrollably in tears. I began to feel sorry for him. “Sorry, I, I don’t know.”
“It’s okay”, Matt sniffled. “I guess Mom and Dad are dead anyways.” It was silence for a few more minutes, tears welling in our eyes.
“Hey, our parents are in a better place”, I said, trying to make the situation positive.
“But we are stuck here, without them? Don’t we deserve to go to a better place?”
“Don’t say that”, I huffed and I paused for a bit. “I know we are in the, uh, right place now. Let me tell you something, once we get to Regina, I will take care of you, no matter what life throws at us.”
“What about Joe”, Matt asked.
“He’ll be fine. He probably found his girlfriend already.”
“Hey, don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“I, uh, I don’t have one. That I know of”, I spoke, bringing me back to Sam, remembering that she’s the only friend that I ever knew, and I left her. Without her, I felt alone, no one would ever relate. I began to tear up. “I don’t have any friends. I am alone,” I sobbed.
“What do you mean? I’m your brother!” I looked at Matt, and smiled, happy that he acknowledged that we were in this together.
“Thank you”, I thanked him. I slowly stopped on the road, just to hug Matt hard, crying my eyes out. We then heard what sounded like an elephant in front of us. We looked up to see a walking snow-covered brown fur wall with four pillar-like legs in front of us. Its curved tusks gleaned in the light and the eyes reflected in the light. The furry trunk waved around like a searching snake from a tree. We both knew what it was.
“Hey, look at that, a woolly mammoth”, Matt said, excitement running through him. At this point, we weren’t surprised.
“Yep, that is a woolly mammoth”, I added. The mammoth turned to us on the road, seemingly confused about where it was. It looked at our truck and seemed to growl, like an elephant. We are starting to realise this thing is becoming aggressive.
“Uh, should we move”, Matt asked. I remembered hearing something about standing your ground in case of an encounter with an elephant. I hoped it would work for a bigger, furrier version of one.
“No, we have to stand our ground.”
“But, it’ll attack u-”
“Trust me!” I then honked my horn and it backed up. It then rushed, then stopped, a mock charge. Eventually, it moved out of the road, disappearing into the darkness. We sighed in relief.
“That was close”, Matt sighed. I then continued to drive in the night, headlights leading the way. The road is bumpy, as noticed by every ditch and peak we hit, but surprisingly, Matt was fast asleep. I began to get comfortable driving and used to the road by that point. It was silent for a while until we hit a smaller intersection. That is when the truck shut down, completely and stopped. I tried the gas many times but with no effect. There is no light, nothing. It is near-darkness here, shone only by the moonlight.
“Shit”, I yelled, desperate to turn the truck on without much success. Matt woke up, confused.
“What happened”, he yawned.
“The truck turned itself off. I can’t get it back on”, I fretted and at that moment, Matt was just as panicked as I am.
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know. One moment, we were driving, another it just-”, I quavered, when I heard something rustle in the distance. We stood still, hoping whatever it was didn’t find us. I looked around, hoping to see something in the moonlight. I then see a long, walking animal. It looked like some sort of alligator at first, except for a dinosaur-like head. Once I strained my eyes to the darkness, my fear levels rose as I could see it walk on its hind limbs, with its forelimbs dangling nearly touching the ground.
It was wandering around on the road when I heard a near-crocodilian growl at Matt’s side of the truck. Another of those creatures appeared, seemingly looking into the window like a hungry bear, giving us a chance to see its scaly head. Its exposed alligator teeth gleaned in the light like knives, but more terrifying was the eye. Its serpentine pupil shone brilliantly in the light like eyes in the dark. It then ducked down, gave a hiss, and moved towards the other one. A few more showed up and formed a group.
“What should we do”, Matt asked. “Should we stay?” I looked around, hoping for another way to escape them without them noticing. I further strained my eyes and mentally mapped out the area. There is a cemetery on my right-hand side, a grain bin storage yard on my left and a series of trailers on the other side of the highway, which is ahead of us, from the storage area. There, I see a series of white, storage buildings, something we can go to and wait it out inside.
“Okay, so slowly open the door”, I instructed Matt. The click of the doors opening cringed us. We looked at the group, but there was no response from them. We then, as slowly as we could, opened the door and stepped out. Still no response. Matt then quietly ran to the other side, towards me. “Okay, we are going into the storage yard and go to the other entrance”, I said, pointing to the other right-hand corner. I wanted to get as far away from these things as possible before making a safe crossing. “Then, we cross the highway on the other side, run into the buildings and stay there for the night. Are you ready?”
“I guess”, he whispered, looking at me in fearful doubt.
“We are going to do this”, I whispered back. We then silently ran over, having to rely on our night-adapted eyes, to the corner, walking past the bins. We made it and nothing behind us so far. “We’re good so far.” We then crossed the road and noticed nothing. We noticed a tanker truck, leaking some sort of fluid across the road. I easily recognized it as fuel, based on its distinctive, sickly smell. I wouldn’t be worried about it if it weren’t for a collapsed light pole that is somehow still flickering with electricity near the area where the fuel would be flowing. We quickly avoided the fluid when I froze to see the group of the walking alligators, running towards us. “Run!” Matt tried to run, but one of those things appeared and clamped its jaws at the back of his neck. He yelped in pain and it took him down to the ground. “Matt”, I yelled, helplessly watching as the creature tore into him.
Matt reached out his arm before the others came to him, then a flash of fire came. At this point, I knew what happened, but I couldn’t even think before it exploded. It blew me towards the building, far away. I was knocked out for a few seconds before I regained consciousness, groaning in pain on the ice. I noticed something especially painful just below my chest. I reached towards the area with my hand. I pressed on it, more painful than ever and raised my hand, only to see blood, brightened by the fire. I realised I was wounded, maybe by shrapnel made by the explosion.
I looked toward where the truck was and all I saw was a blaze. Those things weren’t there, at least. I also noticed something else, too, there’s no Matt. I tried to look around for something, some sort of sign of my brother within the fire, but I saw none. I then wept, realising I had failed. I have failed to keep him safe. I have failed to give him a better life. I failed him as a sister. I could’ve done better. The thoughts poured in as tears glazed my eyes. At that moment, I failed to look around me.
I noticed a dark thing beside the blaze. I thought it was Matt, preparing to greet him back, even though I knew he couldn’t survive the explosion. The image became clearer and clearer as I noticed it was one of the walking crocs that, glazed by the fire, was coming towards me.
“Just kill me”, I screamed, preparing to painfully die to meet my maker. The creature was about to attack me when something large, silent as the wind, came charging and clamped down its massive jaws, filled with conical teeth on the hapless creature and raised it. The crocodile struggled before going limp with a crunch within its strong jaws. The big, dark and scaly monster that it is towered over me and is as long as a bus, possibly longer. Its large legs are a contradiction to its small arms that hide beneath its scarred, bulky body.
It turned to look at me with an oddly bird-like expression, revealing in the firelight numerous scars from battles I could never know and looked at me with its beady bird-like eyes, breathing out wisps from its nostrils like a dragon in the cool air. I recognized it as a creature I know too well, a T. Rex. I breathed heavily and sickly, looking at the thing, nearly expecting me to drop the body and go after me. Instead, it simply walked away, carrying its bloody prize with it, and steadily retreated into the darkness.
I then lay down in agonizing exhaustion on my back, thinking of the next step of action like I'm on a suicide mission I would never come back from. I looked in the direction of the graveyard and had one thought. I guess I am dying. a graveyard will do. I struggled to stand up, noticing my blood-soaked clothes and felt a broken left leg. I grasped my wound, limping step by step and enduring the sharp pain while shaking in the cold. Every step I took, I remembered all the memories, good or bad, that I had with my parents. My brother. My friends. My family. I eventually reached the cemetery and slouched at a tree.
“Guess I’m joining you, guys”, I said, speaking to the snow-covered gravestones, only to hear something. A familiar sound of chirping emerged and, lit by the blaze, it was a sight I can hope for. “Joe, what are you doing here”, I depressingly cheered as Joe went to me and curled up in my lap as if he were a cat. I noticed the new-found scar he had on his little snout, but I paid no mind as I petted him. “I guess you came back. Thank you so much for what you did”, I thanked him, not expecting such a loyal creature would be with me, comforting me, to the end, like what my mother used to do when I was a newborn. I heard another noise, this time a deep rumble.
I thought it was another earthquake coming, but it got louder the closer it got to me, becoming more animalistic only felt small vibrations I barely felt. Joe stayed put, oddly enough, as T. Rex, different from the first one, came. It walked towards us until it stopped short of us. It began to produce a low-pitched, bird-like purring, attracting Joe. I realised something, that this T. Rex is Joe’s parent. He joined the rest like him, whom they showed up and all chirped around.
The grown Rex then brought its snout closer to me, not to kill me, but to look at me. It did not reveal its teeth and was still purring. I put my hand out and its nose came close to it. It rubbed it against my hand and started to pet its cold, scaly skin as it breathed through its nose and put it on my chest. I rested my head on it before it pulled away. It gave out a hiss, but I knew it wasn’t that of a threat, but more of a thank you for bringing its small, sometimes immature, child home.
That gave me relief, as it felt like I at least did something for once. They walked away, along with Joe, towards the darkness amongst the gravestones in the cemetery. I glimpsed one last desperate look at Joe before walking beside his parent. I looked up at the sky and I could see all the stars, twinkling, and the dancing green auroras. I began to feel limp and felt the cold embrace of death coming over me, tears pouring out of my eyes. The sky then grew brighter and brighter, the stars faded into the light and I could see my family welcoming me to a new home. It then slowly went black, darker than a cave.
You would think this is the end of me. It wasn’t, or else I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I eventually woke up in a hospital in Regina. I was told I was rescued by a team that transported me while I was in a coma. The doctors said I was very lucky to be alive, as the shrapnel narrowly avoided my vital organs. After that, I was adopted into a new family, but I was only with them for a couple of years before finding a new job and moving out.
As for Sam, I don’t know what happened to her. I would like to think she is safe, somewhere else. As for my family, I think of them all the time. I was in a depressive period right after that. Eventually, over the years, I accepted that they were gone and went to a better place. For Joe, I would like to think he is all grown up, like his parents, and becoming the king of the jungle. I hope we meet again.
As for the evacuated area, it wasn’t some pipeline rupture that caused an evaluation, but an anomaly, with the exact reason not known. There are excuses for the claims of weird stuff going on in there, from disease to chemicals, to eventually a previously unknown geological event, but I saw through it all.
You may ask how, it's because I've been there. Take it or leave it, this is the story I have. As the decade came by, cover-ups were made to hide it, even walls were put around it. Since the incident, the exclusion zone grew from a mere 80 kilometers in diameter to 460 kilometers in diameter, emptying entire cities of the likes of Regina and Saskatoon. I had to move to North Battleford, by the recommendation from the same government covering it up, making me think that time will tell before the floodgates of truth open.
The anomaly didn’t have a name initially, however, over the years, everyone agreed on one name in particular: The Saskatchewan Anomaly.

I have two herniated discs (L3-L4), two bulging dics (L1-L2) and spinal stenosis. I have a weird lump right next to my spine where my herniated discs are (my doctor told me it's just fatty tissue, but that lump feels like an electric current in constantly passing through it). My back is constantly in pain. But now it's gotten worse. Tylenols have no effect on me, my left leg and left part of the butt are constantly numb, I have difficulty walking after sitting down for more than 20 minutes and I can't sit for more than 30. I'm seeing my doctor next week, but if the past is any indication, nothing will be done except him telling me to lose some weight (I lost 70 pounds and it still hurts like hell) or see a physical therapist (I've seen plenty...)
How doomed am I?
Sorry, I really needed to vent. Nobody around me takes my pain seriously...

spending free time looking up different mental disorders trying to analyze and rationalize how someone can treat another person like that? trying to make sense of someone’s behaviour. am i a horrible monster, am i the reason they act like this or is this how a normal 18 year old would act when someone is mentally and physically abusive. how would other people act in this same situation? it hurts more knowing i’m the only person he would ever do this to, he would respect anyone other than me. it’s easy for me to walk away and tell myself that the next girl will get the same treatment, but part of me knows he would treat her perfect and i’m the one that will have to live with everything he’s done to me, he even said to me i’m sorry your the person this had to happen to. i wish i could understand ur brain, i know your not okay but neither am i from the things you have done to me? will i ever be the same.

My pit is 2 years old and we rescued him a while ago From a home that never took him outside or fed him. Everything is good and he's gained to a great weight, but the walks we have tried a head harness and a halter and he has been pulling relentlessly on both. He even hurt himself on the head harness which caused us to cease usage. What can we do to better get him to acknowledge us on walks, stop pulling and what will help him get used to walking better?

Around a week ago I noticed my lip was starting to feel like it was burning. I asked my friend if he saw anything and he didn't so I waved it off and the feeling went away, around 2 days ago I noticed that the area is a bit red on the lip line. They're small and spread out near the corner of my mouth. They hurt to the touch and when they aren't being touched they give off a little bit of a burning sensation. I have had acne all around my lip line for as long as I can remember but it's never been painful and never been red. My gf has oral herpes and I've known this since we started dating. She hasn't had an infection in a month or two and this is my first time experiencing anything.

Description: In the infernal depths of Hell, where it is divided by two powerful continents vying for control surrounded by a circling sea of lava and countless fortresses of beings unknown to the realms--the Magma Depths--young Kaiden Torchspire of House Satan of the Wrathlands finds out about the incoming invasion from the never-mentioned divine realm of Heaven. And so Torchspire decides to take action and goes on an expansive, definitely-long-term quest to unite the two continents so they can finally destroy Heaven. His journey begins with an untold fortress of the Magma Depths. Me, the writer, has always been fond of on the concept of turning real life concepts into a powerful fantasy series, and so, with inspiration from A Song of Ice and Fire I decided to turn Christianity into an epic fantasy universe.
Book #1: The Hellfire War
Chapter One: Blood Oath and Unexpected Visitors
"Our infernal realm is what keeps us going." said the dark-winged figure of dark crimson skin and a heavily-singed leather toga carrying multiple forms of weaponry, coldly. The figure's eyes were a dull dead gray, his pupils etched with a faint red-energy. He had snaky-like hair and both the claws on his bare feet and hands were raven-shaded and extremely sharp. This figure was Dreadwing Satan, of House Satan--the ruling governance of the Wrathlands. Dreadwing was apart of the main family within House Satan--that being Satan, obviously. The ruling house of the Wrathlands is divided by three families: the Satan family, the Lucious family, and the Torchspire family. "And so," began Dreadwing, his voice always consisting an icy and menacing quality, also with a hint of gruffness. "It is what binds the Realm of Torture together. And so, today we are enacting one of the Realm of Torture's most oldest traditions that symbolizes our determination to stand firm and fight against the ongoing flames of damnation and..." While the ruling figure of House Satan kept on going, one of the countless members of the audience--Kaiden Torchspire, of the Torchspire branch of House Satan--was feeling extremely anxious about the upcoming tradition. The Blood Oath.
Kaiden had the ordinary dull dead gray eyes, but his pupils was etched with a faint purple-energy. His raven-shaded slick hair was greasy and dirty, and his crimson skin etched with countless aching bruises--all of that probably coming from his training sessions in his house's fortress' central training room. His claws were a dull pale white, and he was wearing classical tattered demon clothes but had dark-steel shoulder pads. Kaiden's relationship with the Torchspire family always seemed like sort of a curse; since he had to go through endless and rigourous training. But he always thought to himself that he was being ungrateful; since his life was more lucky then then what the lower ranks of demons within the Realm of Torture always had the short-end-of-the-stick.
The Blood Oath was a tradition almost as ancient as Hell itself, maybe it was, but the specific timing of its creation is unknown to the infernal society. The Blood Oath was a special ritual; where they would get countless cups of blood through rigiourous fighting and offer it to the ancient Seven Princes of Hell--the original inhabitance of the infernal realm. And only the ruling Houses of Hell had to participate in this demonic cultural event.
"...And so," began Dreadwing Satan once again. "It is of great pleasure to me and the ruling demons of the Lucious branch and the Torchspire branch of House Satan, that we hereby start the Blood Oath ceremonial line of events by the Night of Stars as usual. A message to the demons of both Lucious origin and Torchspire origin; best of luck in the perils ahead."
To any normal person in the Human World those lasts couple of words would deeply frighten them; but to demons like Kaiden it did not--since it happens every year.
Kaiden sat on his bed-made-for-a-king and laid there for a long time; he only had five days until the Night of Stars--the night that begins the Blood Oath tradition. The Night of Stars was chosen because of its legendary happenings within it; that were the nighttime in the infernal depths of Hell became the exact same appearance as the nights of the Human World; raven-shaded, and filled to the brim with hundreds of thousands of small dots of bright light--stars. The Torchspire youngling got up from his bed and walked out the grand dark-wooden doors that were the entrance and exit of the his bedroom, and shutting them close behind them. It was time for his daily training session. He continued walking through the large halls of the Torchspire fortress to the center room; the Damnation, which was the training room of the fortress. When he reached the large stone doors leading to the Damnation, he opened them up with ease and walked in confidently. Inside the massive training room was countless tactical practice exercises; such as dummies, targets with countless arrows in it, and even some cages that had human souls, where demons would practice torturing; since that was the fundamental task of the Realm of Torture and the original intent for the creation of Hell, at least until the formation of the Refuge Lands. On the right side of the Damnation was tall and slightly-muscular demon; his body of dark crimson, his raven-shaded hair greasy and dirty just like Kaiden's, and had the same exact pale white claws on both his barefeet and hands. He also had the same tattered leather clothes of demons, but were less tattered since he hasn't been as much training sessions after those new clothes were made. And he wore hard-steel shoulder pads similar to Kaiden's. This demonic figure was Kaiden's older brother; Domino Torchspire. He was also his partner-in-training. Kaiden walked towards the older Torchspire and when he reached him, Domino turned around and grinned as he saw his younger brother. Kaiden could see his gray eyes that were etched with the same faint purple-energy. "You're late, Kai." Shut up, you big oath. Kaiden thought to himself and then grinned. "Well, at least I wasn't too late that our father had to punish me by "means of unjustness."" Kaiden smirkingly remarked, since he was referencing what happened the day before. Domino frowned at his comment. "Shut up, Kaiden. Father would never punish his heir." "Yeah well, we'll see about that-" Kaiden never got to finish that remark when the grand doors of the Damnation flew upon and Kaiden and Domino's father burst in, his skin the casual dark crimson, had tattered leather robes, raven-shaded greasy hair, his claws on his feet and hands a pale white, and his eyes was an unusual dark-gray color, but still had the faint purple energy in his pitch-black pupils. Behind their father--Blackwood Torchspire--was a few dozen demon guards, that were covered in hard-steel armor. Their father turned to them and then began walking towards them, and then began speaking with his casual gruff but cold voice. "Domino, Kaiden, it would seem we have unexpected visitors. It's the Dull." The young and older Torchspire's eyes widened with surprise; since visits from the Dull. Of course, most demons knew of the Dull; they were the main unit of enforcement in the Realm of Torture. Their elite order was founded at the time right after the disappearance of the Seven Princes, and were known throughout the infernal depths as the most capable enforcement team in the Realm of Torture. The Dull are also known for their unparalleled mercilessness and an alarming will to vanquish any being that retaliates and gets in the way of their tasks. But now, presumably, they have come to the fortress of one of the three families of House Satan, one of the ruling governance forces in the Realm of Torture.

After learning what it is, I gave myself many doubts. It's never been detrimental on my life, but I have had instances where my dreaming would piss me off. Often, I act out my daydreams, whether it's accidentally speaking, walking, running, or interrupting something I try to do. Usually, when I daydream, I "play" as one of my made-up characters, and I've been adding lore and character stuff just about every day. After thinking about it, I haven't gone a day in the last year without thinking about him. For clarification, this character came up in relation to a role play game I started with an old friend of mine. We don't live beside each other anymore, but I've sprouted and branched many, many things off of that. I continue to add lore and dialogue every day. I've been carrying this fictional universe in my head for a while. Other times, I put myself in situations, use another set of characters in a different universe, or use people. Anyways, as the interrupting activities. For example, I went downstairs to get something, but simultaneously, I imagined my character walking down the stairs. After he saw something, he immediately turned back around, causing me to turn back around up the stairs. That pissed me off, because I didn't wanna go back upstairs. Many, many other times, I speak, do motions, (like walking, running, tiptoeing, jumping, etc. according to what he or I do in that moment) To add, my mother and I have also contemplated me having ADHD, for mainly different reasons. I am quite the energetic person, sometimes even hurting myself while running around my room or the house, but when I really think, I run and move because of my silly roleplay daydreams.
I think I quite literally just involuntarily spoke and move while writing this, acting out something one of my discord friends said to me a while ago.
Anyways, the doubts I had about it were definitely because, 1, I've never had them going on for hours at a time. 2, it's never harmfully or immensely impacted my daily life. 3, they don't often involve me as much, however I don't think that's quite related. I really just want to know what this is, and if this is the right term for me.
Thanks for reading, if you did! TLDR; Involuntary speaking, running, other motions, interrupting activities, making up an imaginary universe adding stuff everyday for the past year or two (3?), yet never been daydreaming for hours at a time and not ever severely impacted my life, +possible ADHD on top of that, want to know if this is the right term or whatever my case may be
(Also very tired tonight, will open this tomorrow morning)

We have been together almost 23 years and married 17 with one teenager. There’s a history that includes infidelity, gaslighting and lack of empathy on his part. But there’s also been so much good and happiness. What I’m saying is it isn’t all shit and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. But he lacks emotional maturity and I’ve felt very alone with my thoughts and feelings that leads to some explosive fights.
A few months ago he started to distance himself from me. I could tell he wasn’t as affectionate and quit calling me pet names, etc. felt like he looked past me when he walked into the room. I confronted him and questioned another infidelity. He denied it and I honestly have no proof. However he did agree to being checked out and said he wasn’t going to hug and show me affection as if our relationship was good. I told him using affection as a form of punishment was disgusting.
So we had several arguments over the course of a week or so and he became more and more distant, passive and detached. I finally asked if he wanted to be in this marriage with me anymore and he said he wasn’t sure. I asked him if he was giving up and he said I don’t know. So I told him if he was so unsure it sounds like he made his mind up and he didn’t want to fight for us anymore. He just sat there looking at me blankly. I told him I would start to make arrangements for a separation.
So I’ve been making these separation plans but did consult a lawyer for a divorce if it moves forward that direction. We had further conversations and I asked him if he was still thinking separation or divorce and he said whatever is best. I feel like it’s hard to get a clear answer out of him. But the lack of any clear direction made me feel like that’s an answer in its self.
He agreed to counseling so we could improve our communication but he said not necessarily to work towards repairing the relationship. We went to one session and the therapist was not a good fit. But he said he is not opposed to us finding a different therapist but honestly I think he should look into that and I shouldn’t be doing it all.
Anyways I’ve made all these plans and secured a place for myself. We’ve discussed finances and child custody and support. But for Mothers day he spoiled me. He is typically a very good gift givespoiler on special days anyways. But he cooked, made coffee, took our son shopping and presented me with the gifts. Was just super attentive and nice to me. We’ve been sleeping in separate rooms and have minimal interactions for over a month now. Unless we are talking about the separation/divorce or those plans. It was a good day for me but emotionally I had to build this wall when he essentially abandoned me 5-6 weeks ago. So I’ve been trying to keep my distance and not allow myself to be hurt by his lack of effort, giving up on me, etc but the way he treated me yesterday really threw me for a loop. I’ve been crying consistently ever since.
So we had a conversation about it today and he broke down and basically said he didn’t expect me to make the plans and move so fast with the separation. I felt so confused because he was crying and it seemed genuine. But he had so many opportunities to say I dont want to give up and I want to work on this and he didnt. He said he was checked out because he feels like a failure. He is a very prideful person and he lets his ego get in the way a lot. No excuse at all and we’re grown adults so speak up if you want or don’t want something. So idk I’m very confused. He stressed that he for sure does not want to consider divorce at the moment and is agreeing to a separation.
I guess I’m just lost on what he is thinking? Change of heart as this got too real? Is this manipulation? Maybe I’m just venting.

2296, The scene is set in a post apocalyptic Mojave desert, 15 years after a joint effort of the New California Republic, the Rangers, and the mysterious benefactor of the New Vegas Strip, Mr. House pushed back an attempted invasion of the Mojave and a final battle was waved for control of the hydroelectric powerhouse, Hoover Damm.
In the aftermath, Mr. House was removed from power discreetly, due to the actions of a wasteland wanderer on a mission for revenge, known only as the Courier. Mr. House's iconic Lucky 38 casino opened its doors, for the first time, offering a single floor casino and bar, it's upstairs remained an exclusive and mysterious meeting place for the New Vegas Strip's elite. The Lucky 38 represented one of the cleanest, most secure facilities, protected, like the rest of the strip, by the Securitron Mk 2, predominantly. Their presence ensured visitors on the Strip behaved themselves, though the other casinos maintained their own security and 'house rules' internally.
The Strip defined and maintained its status as an independent entity, determining through the Courier's observations that the NCR was stretching it's military might too thin, and couldn't realistically manage over the Strip and Mojave, so a new deal was struck, similar to the prior, but with The Strip extending it's Securitron security to enforce the immediately surrounding communities and a few outlying satelites. Trade to the surrounding areas increased, the Mojave benefitting from the prewar tech, pre-programmed security forces. The drug addicted fiends and other Raider groups would never be any match for their advanced weaponry, and ultimately were cleared out of existence.
The King's continued to watch over Freeside, making alliances with the Follower's of the Apocalypse... their desire to service the needs of the belittled, disadvantaged and destitute lined up, and this is where Mr. Wolf found his place in the story... the Courier and a Follower's doctor found love in the wasteland.... and raised a child together under a Ranger's flag... 23 years later? This is New Vegas...
A handsome man in a leather jacket sat in a dusty leather booth watching one of the girls dance on a pole, shaking her ass as bottle caps clinked on the stage in front of her. It was a swanky post apocalyptic casino strip club. A man in a leather jacket stood nearby, his hands crossed in front of his chest, "Kings" embroidered across the back in silver letters. A waitress approached him carrying a glass of some amber colored liquor, and sat it down at the half moon table. She lingered a moment in her lacey body suit, following his gaze up to the girl rubbing her tits in some older cowboys face.
"You don't get jealous seeing her like that, Mr. Wolf." The girl bit her lip and met his eyes as he picked up his glass and swirled it before giving it a smell and taking a slow swig. He tilted his head looking her over. She couldn't possibly be older then 19. Tight, perky little thing.
Mr. Wolf smirked and shook his head. "I like her... nice and wet when she comes to my bed."
The girl blushed and bit her lip. "So you like to watch?" She surmised.
"I don't mind, but why do you ask?" Wolf had these intense eyes that shot arrows into your very soul. It made her incredibly nervous... but she found it deeply exciting at the same time.
"Well... I'm living in 206 now... maybe... you might stop by sometime and I could dance for you? I know I don't have her body but... if you wanted something that was a little fresher... something... just yours?" She figeted her fingers against the table.
Jason looked her over once more and smirked.
"Two-Oh-six, huh?" He tilted his head, considering.
She nodded.
"Leave your cum soaked panties on my doorknob one of these nights if you really need it and maybe I'll come see if you got the moves." His Texan accent was subdued, but enthrallingly charming with his confident, somewhat bored with reality overtones.
"M-my panties?" She stammered turning bright red. "On your doorknob?" Alexa couldn't believe what she was hearing.
"If you're gunna shoot your shot with a dom... with an alpha... you need to be willing to submit. If you can't do that... I'm not interested." Wolf shrugged, completely unphased.
"But what about... what if..." Alexa glanced at Laura, the clubs most iconic stripper in the club, perhaps even the whole Strip.
She was taking some NCR soldier to the VIP lounge for a private dance.
Alexa had been bold enough to offer herself but now she was feeling nervous. If Laura wanted her out, she could lose her job... her home.
"Oh she won't mind... if anything she'll want to watch." Wolf shook his head, sensing her anxiety.
"Assuming of course... she likes the way you smell... she's funny like that." Wolf let the conversation end and Alexa nervously retreated.
Wolf sat drinking by himself, but got bored.
"Jakey, go get yourself a drink and sit down, I'm bored." Wolf called to his body guard.
Jacob looked over and nodded, giving the lounge one last look around before approaching the bar and getting himself a mug of beer, from the tuxedo shirt and boytie bartender Gerald, and returning to the table.
"What's on your mind boss?" Jacob had his hair slicked back in the usual King's gang hairstyle.
"Heard any rumors lately?" Wold looked at him, taking a drag from his cigarette and flicking the pack over to him.
"Honestly, boss, aside from the occasional drunkard or fiend rolling through freeside, nothing out of the ordinary... well, except... a way's out.. the crazy lady... Gloria was swearing up and down she found a headless metal suit of armor.. said the Enclave would burn down New Vegas. God's wraith and all that, you know how she gets."
"Enclave?" Jason's attention was piqued.
"Yeah, I don't know, she was probably just in withdrawal from the Jet... said she found it in the hollowed out shell of the Super Duper, out by the old highway." Jacob shrugged and drank from his beer and pulled a cigarette from the pack.
Wolf finished the last drag of his own cigarette. "Has anyone validated her claims?"
"Well... no... but... I mean... you've met her, she sees things that aren't there, all the time." Jacob shrugged and lit a cigarette.
Jason squinted, considering the resident crazy ladies most recent half coherent ramblings.
"That's an oddly specific hallucination though....take a group of guys out there tonight... humor me, and make sure she's not right." Wolf lifted his glass.
"Sir?" Jacob raised an eyebrow, thinking surely this could wait until tomorrow.
"Hypothetically" Wolf pondered aloud, "If there was... for some reason, there in-fact was... a pre-war, piece of military tech out there....a T-45, let's say, or T-60, best case scenario? We want it. Even if it's not at 100% capacity? It's fusion core alone... could change up the game for Freeside, something like that could make our tiny little city independent. We wouldn't have to be reliant on the scraps of New Vegas, and forget about the Hoover Dam completely."
Jacob caught Mr. Wolf's drift.. a fusion core could mean producing its own, radiation-free water, it's own electricity.. not just a little, a lot. Powering long dead machines, not to mention the agricultural benefits... producing healthier, higher yield tobacco... expanding their income ten fold.
Jacob suddenly felt like he understood Mr. Wolf's vision for the future.
"I should... go and deploy the King's to investigate." Jacob concluded.
"I think that would be for the best, I can take care of myself here." Wolf waved Jacob off.
Jacob downed his beer and excused himself.
Wolf drank the rest of his whiskey, extinguishing his cigarette.
Laura, the dancer came up to the table, and Wolf motioned to the blushing new waitress for a round, who felt a twinge of jealousy seeing her crush with the most popular stage act in town. She bit her tongue though, bringing over two more heavy pours of whiskey.
Laura eyed the girl as she came and went.
"She likes you." Laura concluded as the waitress walked away.
"Yeah.. I think she does." Mr. Wolf shrugged, flicking her a cigarette.
"The NCR boy liked me." She giggled wiping a little bit of cum from her lips and used half her shot like mouthwash.
"Get anything out of him.. other then.. his seed?" Wolf sighed.
"Of course," She grinned mischievously, "Apparently there's been trouble out West with the Brotherhood. They had some type of skirmish? Apparently NCR lost? NCR was apparently holding some old world tech, I don't know, but apparently it lit up the west coast power grid, like... in it's entirely?" Laura tilted her head to look at him.
"The entire western power grid was lit up by a single piece of tech??" Wolf shook his head at the topless girl beside him.
"Yeah, I had to make him cum twice for more details, but apparently it's the size of a grain of rice, with quote, unlimited energy potential." Laura relayed the information. It seemed more important then a suit of power armor or its fusion core.
"Who else knows about this?" Wolf demanded with his eyebrows squinted against his eyes.
"Anyone with a functional light bulb for... like... three hundred miles?" Laura guessed with a shrug.
"You said... it was the Brotherhood that took the win on the skirmish?" Wolf clarified some details.
"Yeah... rumor has it they have a new up and coming knight that's making waves." Laura shrugged.
"Stay on the rumors... I need details." Mr. Wolf nodded at her, drank his whiskey and stood up, downing his drink.
An energy source that powerful would have a big effect on the balance of power in the Mojave. It could mean a resurrection of the New California Republic to it's former glory and then some, and potentially... might mean a renewed effort to reclaim the western part of the former United States, in time.

I just got fired from a major corporation. I’ve been a pharmacy technician since October 2021. I’m near Charlotte, NC. USA
I can fill in more details as needed. I feel like so much has happened during my time with this company, I’m not even really sure which parts of the story are relevant.
But to start, I was at a store that didn’t have a store manager for 6 months and I was having issues getting hours, support, literally any paperwork being done because my pharmacy manager (pharmacist in charge, RXM) did not like me. We were understaffed, there was a ton of drama. I had spoken to the district manager (DM) about my issues several times and finally after a technician lashed out and threw some filling totes and some bagged prescriptions at me and another technician, I called him after work and told him I no longer felt safe and wouldn’t be returning to work until he handled the situation.
I help out at other stores all the time and one of the stores I help out offered me to transfer. Additionally, right after I left pretty much everyone quit, I was not the only person with issues at that store. After that situation, since I was already starting the process of transferring, instead of waiting two more weeks I immediately went to the new store. During this time I had started the process for ADA accommodations through HR and with my doctor.
The week I started at the new store, I sat down with the pharmacy tech manager (RXOM) and the store manager (SM). This probably should have been my first red flag, but the SM basically asked something along the lines of why he should let me transfer because it sounds like I had a lot of problems at the old store. So upon starting at this specific store, I disclosed issues I have socially due to my disability and stated that I needed clear communication because I do not pick up on hints or subtleties and that I needed clear feedback when I have made a mistake or in a situation where I upset someone. I also disclosed that I would need additional assistance in tense situations with customers and coworkers. I explained there was a lot of drama and pettiness at my old pharmacy and that I inadvertently caused a lot of issues because I was oblivious to it. The SM basically decided that it didn’t sound like an issue to be clear and concise and kind of guide me through situations that come up. He assured me I could talk to him anytime. I was repeatedly ignored when I requested aid in those situations. And then if the outcome was less than satisfactory, I was punished. The tech manager became my support needs liaison, but the store and assistant manager refused to accommodate me. The tech manager actually got a lot of crap for trying to help me. I have a disability that can affect the way I am perceived by other people and speaking to people about it usually helps clear up any problems. I was not given an opportunity to do this. I thought I was protecting myself my disclosing my needs and weaknesses.
So at this store a few things happened with different people all at once and the store became short staffed. I started helping out a lot, staying late when I could, picking up shifts even though I had to find extra childcare. The pharmacy manager quit a few weeks after I got there, a few technicians quit or drastically reduced their hours, a couple people went on leave. So the ESM (assistant store manager) started helping out in the pharmacy more, mostly with filling prescriptions. I was warned before she started helping out that she was really prickly and if I had any issues that I could talk to the RXOM. There were a few things that came up and he told me that I wasn’t misconstruing things, to just ignore her.
And then came a day where we had a ton of call outs, my RXOM wasn’t in that day and the SM had left. It was Christmas eve weekend. So the pharmacy was gonna be closed the next day. So we were extremely short staffed, extremely busy and the phones were insane. The ESM started out the day basically complaining to us about how nothing was done, it was a mess, etc etc. I wouldn’t even call it passive aggressive. She was outright threatening and saying she would definitely be telling the RXM and SM about how incompetent we were, how out of hand everything was.
There was an incident with a customer, he was yelling at me because I went to lunch before helping him and instead of letting me handle it, the ESM jumped in without really even getting a handle on what was happening. I got written up for the way I spoke to the patient and how I handled the situation with the ESM because I had stepped over to the floater pharmacist and when asked I explained the situation. She told the story as me mumbling under my breath and complaining and carrying on. The rest of the day was pretty much the same, her carrying on about how useless we were and at one point she said it was a mess and that we (the techs) would be staying after to clean it up. I was slightly irritated that she told me I had to rather than asking, especially because the mess was from the days previous, from other techs, etc. It just had been a hectic few days, with short staff. I knew how she was though so I just decided I would stay. Right before we closed, she told me she wanted to speak to me. I had assumed she was going to give us a game plan for how to clean up quickly so we could go. I went over to her after we closed and she started to tear into me for disrespecting her and then noticed I wasn’t making eye contact. It had been a long day and I was feeling really overwhelmed. She made a big deal about it and I told her I couldn’t make eye contact with her because I have a disability but assured her I was listening to her. She went back and forth with me a few times basically trying to force me to look her in the eyes or I was disrespecting her. She ended up saying that she couldn’t speak to me if I wasn’t going to look her in the eyes when she spoke to me. I took this as a dismissal, so part of my write up was for insubordination because I left and refused to have a conversation with her. I reported the incident to HR, briefly spoke with them and thought that was the end of it.
Well shortly after, she started being extremely short with me, very dramatically avoidant like when I walked in the pharmacy would say things like “that’s my cue to leave”. If she asked for help out loud, if I tried to help her she would tell me she didn’t want my help and she would get someone else. I tried not to let it bother me but it definitely stressed me out over time. The few times I did help her, she would throw whatever she was working on down and storm from the pharmacy muttering that she would tell SM about whatever, usually swearing. I asked the other managers what I was doing wrong and was never given any answers. Or guidance. I brought it up a few times and was always brushed off. That never really ended.
An important detail is that the schedule was consistently put out on Wednesdays, usually evenings and our week started on Thursdays. Our weeks run Thursdays-Wednesdays.
There were a few other small issues, I had talked to the managers about issues with scheduling and basically just got constantly brushed off. I had agreed to a general schedule of opens and mids and every other Sunday when I transferred and they weren’t able to accommodate it anymore, they started scheduling me all over the place, closes, several weekends in a row. This made childcare difficult especially with short notice because daycare has set hours. When I got my first warning about tardiness, I brought this up and was accused of blaming everyone else for my tardiness and told to have some accountability.
By this point, I dreaded going to work when the SM or ESM was there. I would get so anxious, I would be physically sick, throwing up, gastro issues, migraines. I was constantly in a state of overstimulation. Again, I asked for help and got blown off.
So in February there was an incident that led up to me requesting short term leave. My son had a minor medical issue that I took him to the doctor for, she made an appointment for the following Thursday at an eye doctor at 8:15am. I told my RXOM I couldn’t work Thursday, he ended up scheduling me to close. 12-9. I called out around 9am after getting to my son’s appointment and learning he had to do some tests for underlying issues including being dilated. He’s 3 so I needed to be with him because he was really disoriented. We finished around 4pm and my RXOM had texted me several times for updates telling me other people called out and they really needed me. I told him that my son needed me and he basically begged me to come in for a few hours to close. I finally relented and got there around 5-6 and stayed until close. No one said anything to me, so I didn’t think anything of it. A few weeks go by and on February 19, I was called into the office for a meeting with the SM and RXOM and received a write up for being 5 hours late that day. If I would have just left it as a call out, there would be no disciplinary action because I had not used any yet for the year. This was incredibly frustrating and the way it was presented was really overwhelming. I told them I was getting overwhelmed and would like to step out, the SM continued to talk down to me. I was getting increasingly agitated, my stims were getting faster and I started to rock back and forth, beginning to have an autistic meltdown. The SM told me I needed to calm down, tried to get me to speak to him while I was shutting down and just kept scolding me, I honestly don’t even know what he was saying by this point. I told the RXOM I needed to step out and I walked out of the office next door to the break room to turn on the sink and I just completely shut down, I crawled under the counter in the break room and had a complete shutdown/meltdown. My muscles locked up, I was crying and rocking back and forth and covering my ears and had my arms over my eyes, all stimulation was bothering me. The RXOM came to check on me and saw me having a meltdown and that I was unable to communicate so he pulled my file and called my emergency contact and basically just told him I was melting down and I was under the sink and needed to be picked up.
My partner came to get me, we left my car, I went home and calmed down and then called my company’s HR and put a request in for short term medical leave. My doctor had been urging me to do this for over 6 months. I texted my RXOM and SM asking what I should do next and heard nothing so I reported to work on 2/20. Upon arriving, the guest pharmacist notified me we had a call out. After everyone arrived, I asked who the call out was and the ESM, pharmacist and other techs didn’t know. The SM was not there. The RXOM wasn’t answering my texts. An hour into my shift, the RXOM told me that they were told my leave was approved and I wouldn’t be there. I asked what to do and got nothing in response.
During my lunch break on 2/20/24, I received a call on my personal phone from HR outlining my short term leave and giving me instruction on paperwork. They verified leave was supposed to start 2/19 and I explained no one answered me so I reported to work. She told me she would have to change my leave to go into effect starting 2/21.
Fast forward, my leave ends 5/8/24, and I had not heard anything beyond communication with HR about it ending. I text my RXM and tell him I am returning to work and ask what my next steps are. He replies late evening and tells me to reach out to SM and I tell him I will in the morning. The next morning, I receive a text with my name written in and highlighted, I’m not scheduled for the first few days (Thursday-Sunday) and I’m scheduled Monday-Wednesday. So I go in for my scheduled shift on 5/13/24. During my leave, my RXOM and a bunch of technicians quit. We gained a full time staff pharmacist and a couple technicians. I get there at 10:00 and I work until 12:00 (so for two hours) and I’m called into the office with the SM and RXM and told the SM told me that I received a final written warning for insubordination and tardiness so they decided to terminate my employment due to my continued insubordination and job abandonment and because a member of management complained about my attitude. He went on to say that he contacted HR and reported that I had an “episode” and walked away from him when he was trying to communicate with me and resolve a conflict which was the insubordination and then after my “episode” I went home instead of finishing my shift. Despite putting my leave in the day it happened, because the date of leave was changed, the day I left early wasn’t covered under FMLA.
So far, I have submitted a request to the EEOC, but their first available appointment was 11/4/24. I was not in a state to call lawyers today, but I filled out a couple online forms for Employment Discrimination lawyers that had online contact forms. Immediately after being terminated, I went to my car and logged into the employee portal and downloaded all of my available paystubs and the documented disciplinary action sheets. There wasn’t one for termination, I asked my SM how I would obtain that information and he told me to contact HR. I have some screenshots from text message communication mostly asking the RXOM for help with conflicts, but the SM would really only talk to me in the office.
I’m looking for advice on what to do next. I am feeling pretty overwhelmed. Obviously, I am going to work on my resume and start applying to jobs, but beyond that I’m not really sure what to do next. Any advice is appreciated. Even if it’s to tell me that I’m in the wrong. If you read my novel, thank you. <3
TLDR; I have autism and I was bullied into having a meltdown and then fired after returning from short term medical leave for going home early. I feel like they were looking for reasons to fire me as retaliation for reporting the ESM to HR.

Guys, if you're "chasing" someone and they abruptly go to half sails it means they WANT you to catch up to them because they have a plan to ruin your day.
Doing my thing leveling merchants when a brand spanking new solo sloop starts heading my way popping some inaccurate long range cannon shots. I'm planning on logging off soon so I use the bullhorn to offer him a storage crate with most of my supplies. He doesn't respond and keeps chasing. I've got a keg onboard so I let him gain on me, figuring he'll see me deliberately slowing down and adjust himself. Nope. Full steam ahead. I hop off with the keg, grab his ladder, and manage to walk down into his hold to light the fuse without him noticing a guy boarding his ship with a giant red barrel. For reasons I don't understand he jumps off his moving ship as it takes on copious amounts of water. I finish the sink, mermaid back to my still half speed ship, and circle back for his loot when I see him swimming towards my ladder, so I cap him with a blunder, take his stuff, and leave.
Home slice didnt have to sink. I just wanted to sell my stuff and call it a night, even offered him a trove of supplies, but he chose violence despite being exceptionally bad at violence.

A Silence Abroad
It was on my first night in Japan that I forgot I was alone. Tokyo’s Shinjuku district greeted me with bright neon lights illuminating flocks of tourists walking shops, arcades, and food stands. And somehow, I was a very small part of it, all by myself on the other side of the world. (Maybe with the occasional tout trying to follow me around.)
Solitude is a vulnerable state, and consequently, a compromise. You seize the moment for yourself, and the space is only yours to fill, but intrusive thoughts will covertly slip through and permeate like a disease. Underneath all the lights, humanity surrounded me, enjoying a drink with friends or snapshotting a moment with family. All these people congregated here from around the world, and in spite of their differences, companionship was what they all shared together. The streets filled with the sounds of their life.
But when you feel alone, the mind tricks you into believing that you are not part of it. And you become a silent spectator, watching the phenomenon that is humanity being orchestrated in front of you. It’s a hollow feeling.
And after not speaking and hearing the sound of your own voice for a while, it becomes replaced by a solemn tone whispering empty thoughts. I tried not to listen.
Nevertheless, Tokyo was beautiful (Senso-ji temple was stunning and my favorite Japanese dessert is now age manju). One night, I even went to a Japanese hip-hop show in Shibuya and it was a wonderful experience. Getting to watch such extremely talented artists so passionate about their craft inspired me and pulled me away from ruminating loneliness for some time. I met one of the performing artists after the show and told him how much I loved his verse (despite not understanding it) and we hugged and he cried. He thanked me over and over until he started apologizing for thanking me so much. It was a special moment and I will always remember his humility. (His band is KOMOREBI - check them out!).
I also went out with some other travelers that night, trying okonomiyaki in Setagaya for the first time (it was mouthful bliss) and then went out to a punk rock concert, and a night club. I wasn’t a huge fan of the clubbing, but the company was refreshing. And like all good things, it was fleeting, and I bid my farewell to everyone that night.
I packed my things, and took a bullet train to my next stop, Kyoto. I was anticipating it, as the train zoomed south with Mount Fuji in surreal, passing view. Looking out the window, seeing my own transparent reflection, I took a breath. The train was moving at around 300 km/hour, but everything felt still and quiet. Even the parts of me that wanted to cry.
Kyoto was rich with temples and vestiges of a long, cherished history. I visited the Kyoto National Museum where I saw sculptured deities with venerable auras, parables scripted in decayed scrolls, and art that embodied Buddhist principles. I saw elevated temples monumental and grand, and others more modest and reserved. But they all stood resolutely, bearing the resilience of time and constant revival. They have felt nature’s desecration during arson and natural disasters, but throughout history, the Japanese have rebuilt and renovated them. And somehow, after enduring all this, as long as time has persisted, here they stood before me, as a testament to strength and preservation.
The long-lasting principles of Buddhism and the culture that were so deeply rooted in this country’s history must continue to live on through the structures that stood before me. Purpose is enough to withstand the cruelty of time’s passage. And the cycle of destruction and restoration that traced centuries was felt in the emanating silence only occupied by the sounds of water trickling down a rill or the occasional soft, swaying of trees. I like to think that ancient silence had touched my existence in those moments and advised me to listen.
Solitude is painful because the empty space that comes with it is congregated by the deeper parts of ourselves that seek to dwell on the purpose of our existence. It is when we are alone and quiet that obtrusive questions confront us, invoking us to listen and contemplate. And when we fail to answer gracefully, that is when the loudest and most self-destructive parts of ourselves will answer for us. The parts that are so keen in stripping our humanity from us.
After my last day in Kyoto, I packed all my things once again, and went over to my final destination, Osaka. I had only one night there. And it was an abrupt return to bustling crowds in the metropolitan. Existential silences were replaced with the sounds of humanity again. But as I walked through Dotonbori on a Friday night eating lots of warm, delicious takoyaki and skewers of Kobe beef, that feeling still returned. I knew I was unwell. And trivialities started to begrudge me and I could tell that it was time. And there would be no escaping it.
I took a taxi back to my hotel and I laid in my bed earlier than expected that night. And everything finally spilled. I cried and I cried and I cried. I was finally listening and it hurt doing so.
This solo trip was supposed to help me escape my problems, but it didn’t. When I brought myself here, I brought everything, and that included problems I wish I could have left behind. And amidst my issues, I questioned myself and my place in the world, even my very reasons for existing during times I felt like I had nobody. And albeit having wonderful moments with people throughout my trip, even strangers who treated me with grace and hospitality, that feeling still lingered and it was revealing a deeper issue. An issue not with whether I was in Japan or back home. Or whether I had people around me or I was alone. It was a deeper issue with myself.
But the silence that comes after the storm is just as serene as the silence that precedes. The older I get, the more I begin to have a respect for emotions and their function. They must be felt and I don’t think they are there to harm or sabotage us, although it might seem like it. It is a need to be heard not by others, but by ourselves. Listening to our own cries for help is scary and uncomfortable, but the silence that follows is like an aged temple still standing after centuries of cyclical adversity. Like the calm flow of water down a rill. Like the soft swaying of trees.
My 10-day solo trip was coming to an end. It was coming time to go home. I spent my last day in Tokyo walking Yoyogi Park. The sky was a clear melancholy overhead scattered, naked trees around the park. I saw couples sitting together, friends circled on picnic blankets, and some reading a book by themselves. Humanity felt beautiful that day and I was grateful to be a part of it, one last time. I packed my things once more before taking my flight back home the next day.
I love Japan and I am grateful it carved a space for me to experience all that I did. This trip will forever hold a special place in my heart. But it was not an epiphany, as much as I wished it was. I did not return home as an entirely new person with newfound happiness or certainty. I returned with the same issues I left with, the same, flawed self that was proof of what it meant to be human this whole time. Only with new experiences. And I don’t think that will change.
My humanity lives in my constant struggle of self-preservation, as I continue to unravel and understand myself as I experience, feel, and change. And perhaps that is enough purpose for my own existence, to strive for those moments of silence, where I will continue to stand resolutely in my own imperfection, alone or not.

With what happened with the Red picks for Ligue 1 and the NickRtfm siutation I have been thinking of all the things that need to change in this game. This game is infuriating. The amount of things that need to change in this game is actually astronomical. I'm gonna do my best to lay out all the problems I see and some solutions even if they are not be perfect.
1.SERVERS
For a company that boasts about making 1.5 billion in revenue the servers are actually terrible. The amount of DCs I have had while playing champs or rivals is unbelievable. Fix your servers. Understand that at content time the player base count will increase dramatically and account for that.
2.People quitting 0-0, 1-1 etc
Why are you not awarded a win when someone quits at the start of the game makes no sense to me. Especially when it's halfway through a game and they are doing it just to spite the other player. I've heard that they might not do this due to multiple reasons. If this is the case then only add it to CHAMPS at least
3.Corner glitches
The fact I have to 2nd man press and bring my player up short every time so that Roberto Carlos or whoever else has playstyle + whipped cross doesn't cross a ball in and some 6ft CB with aerial+ is dunking on my 5ft RB/LB is crazyyy. If it's not this it's another powershot corner BS tactic. Sort this AI out and do something to stop this OP tactic. Its too consistent and abused.

1. Menus

Why is it I press R1 or L1 too quick the game freaks out and I have to restart it. Who coded this game where it is guaranteed to happen every day. I will have to restart my game every day multiple times.

1. Pack weight

This has to be the scumiest ones of all. When EA put 100% guarantee on getting a TOTS or whatever promo. Why is it always the same 5 players worth 50k or less. I'd like to see the real chance of you packing the million + players. I honestly think that it's based on how much they are worth on the market exactly why you never see extinct players like CR7 or Mbappe. I'd rather see 0.000001% chance of packing Mbappe then see 100% guaranteed. Its too predatory that these packs are worth the price of full fledged games.

1. Draft

What a boring game mode. The same thing for the past 8 years. What's the point going 4-0 if the best of my rewards are gonna be an 83 rated fodder player 90 % of the time. Make it more then 4 games. Make the rewards better. Incentivize players to actually wanna play this gamemode instead of ignoring this mode and just copy and pasting it every year.

1. Rivals

I don't mind this gamemode with the recent change to rewards but the disparity in skill level with elite division makes no sense. I have played actual demons in div 3 and I have played some bots who seem like it's their first time playing in Elite Div. It doesn't matter what div you are in because it's gonna be win some lose some which is fine but I would hope it would be more consistent. I love the skill rating in Elite division but why is this limited to just Elite. Add it to all divisions. If I lose to someone better then me then I'm gonna be less inclined to say its DDA or luck.
7.5 Milestones rewards
How lazy can EA be. Honestly it's actually bewildering that they think it's acceptable to give us a tifo to get us to play games. What happened to rewarding people for playing their game instead of giving us 99% of the player base wont touch.

1. Tifos/Season rewards

I DONT CARE ABOUT TIFOS. SPEND LESS TIME PAYING ARTISTS AND SPEND THAT ON YOUR GAME! How hard is it to put 500 fifa points in the rewards tab. Every other game with a battle pass system can give it out im pretty sure it won't hurt your pockets EA. And the levels of packs that are in season pass are abysmal. All this grind for every 10 levels to get something of value. Surely you can boost these packs this far into the game cycle. Not like I'm gonna pack anything of value with how shocking pack weight is anyway...

1. ICON SBCS ROULETTE.

I don't need to pack another Winter wildcard icon worth nothing that I'd rather put into the exchange then play 1 second with in any game mode... I get that they don't want everyone running around with TOTY Ronaldo but at least make it worthwhile with limiting the bad player pool.

1. FC PRO

It's actually disgusting how much EA forcefeed this dead eSports down our throats just so they have people watching them so their advertisements are happy they have someone watching. If they didn't put packs in to get people to watch I'm sure half or even more would dissappear. Make the gameplay more enjoyable and people would happily watch.

1. SBC grind/Quality of Life

This is how I know EA just don't care or are too lazy to add any quality of life improvements. I have to give props to paleta the guy who made paletools. It basically has everything needed that EA should have added. And if he can do it on his own then why can't EA. In Madden AN EA GAME BTW you can filter through ratings. Why can't we do that in this game? JUST ASK THEM HOW THEY DID IT. I know it's probably different dev teams but they aren't gonna lose any money if you ask and if its a matter of coding it from the beginning then maybe it needs a revamp instead of a copy/paste.
-Duplicates. Add a button that let's me automatically put duplicates into an SBC. Searching through this dysfunctional menu to add a player is so tedious.
-Add a settings menu to see when you complete an objective in game. You have it visible when you play moments. Surely you can add a feature to turn this on and off during a game. Makes objectives so much easier. There are probably other quality of life improvements I am missing but I'm sure people in the comments can add a few.
This is from a fc24 player that is just tired of not having a good product of a game. To charge 70-100 pounds or dollars just to buy this game is a massive slap in the face. I haven't given many solutions to these problems but I know there are many so something can definitely be done. If you guys wants any change then boycott buying fc points. Hurt them where they will feel it the mosts. Their pockets. Then maybe some change will happen.

Tracks:
i have_
AFRO:

• Daughter of the Sun (Ankhoï Remix 2.0)
• Samba Yo Pan Pale (Ankhoï Remix)
• Alright - Red Carpet (Kashovski & Abel Ray Remix)
• Victor Alc - I Know You Know
• Vxision - Love Preparetions (Slow Down Edit
• Rui Da Silva - Touch Me (Peace Control Remix)
• Jovem Dionisio - Pontos de Exclamação (VXSION Remix)
• Guapo & Peaty - 6pm In Casablanca
• Empire Of The Sun- Walking On A Dream (Da Capo Remix)
• Black Cofee, David Guetta - Drive (Da Capo Remix)
• ROUTE 94, Jesse Glynne - My Love (Alex Wann Remix)
• FCLT - Fell It’s You (Alex Wann remix)
• Sérgio Mendes - Mas Que Nada (Ahmed Spins Edit)
• ANOTR, Abel Balder - Vertigo (Carlita Remix)
• Keinemusik, Arabic Piano - Two Lost Kings
• Drake - Confusion ( Keinemusik Remix )
• Fortress - Diplo ( Rampa Remix )
• Tanzânia (Rampa Remix)
• Toto - Africa (Rampa Edit)
• &Me, Rampa - Tong 4 (Original Mix)
• Travis Scott - Butterfly (&Me Remix)
• Feel - ABRA (&ME & Sasha Tigresa Edit)
• UNKLE, Miink, Will Malone - ONLY YOU (&Me Remix)
• Ilanga - Masšh (&Me Edit)
• Marssi, Adam Port feat. Ninae - All I Got
• Joris Voorn - Homeland feat. Matthew Dear (&Me Remix) {Jinadu Vocal Edit}
• Aba - Fell (&Me remix)
• &Me - Cut It For Me (Original Mix)
• Simian Mobile Disco - Caught In A Wave (&ME Remix)
• Adam Port, Massi, Ninae - All I Got
• Keinemusik - Muye (Enoo Napa Remix)
• Coco, Joezi, Pape Diouf - 7 Seconds (Moojo Remix)
• Moojo, Demeya - Hot N fun
• Moojo - Atitude
• Moojo ft Gabsy - Ze Roberto
• Moojo - I Whant Your Soul
• Moojo, Rampa - ID
• Moojo - GTA
• Cairo - Here We Are (Moojo Remix)
• Moojo - Oui
• Rihana - Stay (Moojo Remix)
• Moojo ft Starving yet Full - Limitless Vocal Version
• Moojo,Da Capo - What U Desaire (Vocal Mix)
• Post Malone - I Fall Apart (Moojo Remix)
• Drake - A KEEPER (Moojo Remix)
• Moderat, Keinemusik - More Love (Kalidon Mykonos Mashup)

MELODIC:

• Adam Tem - Kepler
• Solique - Heat Of The Moment
• Solique - Mood In The Jungle
• Ego Maria - T Mapper Native
• Ego Maria, Toto Chiavetta - Cells Under Attack
• Tal Fussman - North
• Tal Fussaman - Sam Shure - Inferno
• OPUS III - It's A Fine Day (Aera's Finite Edit)
• Amê - Mifune (Dixon Acustic Edit)
• Jimi Jules - Palpitations
• Schneider TM, Kptmichigan - The Light 3000 (Aera Private Edit)
• AIKON, Sobek - Burning Hats (Dixon Edit)
• Kavinsky - Nightcall (Dixon's Private Edit)
• Maind Against - Love Seeking
• Maind Against - Hydra
• Chis Bake - Ride (Mind Against Remix)
• Mathame - There Is The Light
• Ae:ther, Mind Against - Black Museum
• Ae:ther, Marino Canal - White Atlas V2
• Artbat - Dark Knight
• Yet More - Don't Let Go
• Amber Run - I Found (Ivory's Re-Found Edit)
• Billie Eilish - Everything I Wanted (Ivory Head Underwater Remix)
• Rebuke - Along Came Polly (Konstantin Sibold, Zac, Carmee Remix)
• Christopher Cross - Ride Like The Wind (Ivory’s On The Run Edit)
• Ivory (IT), Tal Fussman - Labyrinth
• Ivory - Identity
• Ivory - Lovers Hymn
• Ivory - Mirrors
• Ivory - Eye Blink
• Ivory - Jewel
• Ivory - Acid Rain
• Ivory - Conquest Of Space
• Ivory - Upon A Time
• MGMT - Eletric Feel (Ivory’s Eletric Reshape)
• Fideles - Lost In Town
• Hard To Tell - No Matter
• Hard To Tell - Stranger
• Aera - Pullunder
• Aera - Puzzle Emotivo
• Skepta - Bullet from a Gun (Colyn Private Edit)
• Depeche Mode - Enjoy The Silence (Will Clark Remix)
• London Grammar - Hey Now (Cristoph Private Mix)
• Nelly Furtado - Say it Right (Adana Twins Remix)
• RY X & Frank Wiedemann - Howling (Tinlicker Prague Edit)
• The XX - Fiction (Eagles & Butterflies Remix)
• Pink Floyd - Confortably Numb (Mita Gami Sunrise Edit)
• Massive Attack - Teardrop (Antony Toga Remix)
• Cassius - The Sound Of Violence (Antony Toga Background DiscoVox Version)
• Starsailor - Four to the floor (Mångata Projekt Rework)
• Sin Cos Tan - Destroyer (Adriatique Remix)

I just returned from a weekend in a desert climate, 16% humidity during the day. My eyes STILL HURT and are soo RED. I used drops constantly, ran the shower in our airbnb just to sit in the bathroom in the humidity, and wasted my precious refresh nighttime ointment that I can no longer find anywhere by using tiny drops of it during the day to help my PAINFUL eyes. I cannot believe I forgot BOTH my steriod eye drops and mini eye humidifier that are lifesavers on airplanes! live in a relatively humid climate and it feels so much better at home! I hope my eyes recover soon from this dry air ambush!