Hi.
I was on birth control for 10 years. I took the 21 pills and did the 7 day break as always. I had my withdrawal period and everything. But instead of starting it on May 31st, I just stopped it and didn't took it anymore. Two days ago, June 5th, I bled randomly in the middle of the afternoon. It was red and brown. It stained my underwear and my pants but it wasn't that much. When I wiped there was still a dark pink blood. I didn't have any more bleeding after that. The next day I had sex and the condom had pinkish/redish spots on it because I was having some discharge but I didn't bled again.
Can breakthrough bleeding be like this? I know it is normal for having irregular bleedings but I'm not used to anything of this at all neither I know anyone who stopped birth control. Can it be just one time and it stops? Can this happen again before I've my real period? Is it because of the lack of hormones, even if I already had my withdrawal 5 days last week? Can it even be ovulation bleeding? Do any of you had the same experience?

4K / HD iTunes
Agent Game (2022) - 4K - iTunes - $4.00
Buddy Games (2019) - HD - iTunes - $5.00
Detective Knight: Rogue (2022) - 4K - iTunes - $4.00
Fences (2016) - 4K - iTunes (split) - $5.00
Gigi & Nate (2023) - 4K - iTunes - $5.00
Hunger Games (2012) - 4K - iTunes - $3.00
Infinite (2022) - 4K - iTunes - $4.00
Jarhead 2: Field of Fire (Unrated) (2014) - HD - iTunes (split) - $4.00
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4K / HD / SD
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Fast & Furious 6 (Extended Edition) (2013) - HD - MA Vudu - $3.00
Fast & Furious 7 (Extended Edition) (2015) - HD - MA Vudu - $3.00
Fences (2016) - HD - Vudu (split) - $4.00
Gran Turismo (2023) - SD - MA - $4.00
Heaven is for Real (2014) - SD - MA - $3.00
Hercules (2014) - HD - Vudu (split) - $4.00
Hunger Games (2012) - HD - Vudu Fandango - $3.00
Infinite (2022) - HD - Vudu - $4.00
Jarhead 2: Field of Fire (Unrated) (2014) - HD - Vudu (split) - $4.00
King Kong (2005) - HD - Vudu (split) - $5.00
Migration (2024) - HD - MA Vudu - $7.00
Priscilla (2024) - HD - Vudu - $6.00
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) - SD - MA - $3.00
Selma (2015) - HD - Vudu (split) - $4.00
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) - HD - MA - $5.00
Spider-Man: Far From Home & Spider-Man: Homecoming (1 code) - HD - MA - $7.00
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2022) - SD - MA Vudu - $4.00
Spinning Gold (2023) - HD - MA Vudu - $5.00
Star Trek: Into the Darkness (2013) - HD - Vudu (split) - $4.00
Taken 2 (2012) - HD - MA Vudu GP - $4.00
Tar (2023) - HD - MA Vudu - $5.00
The Equalizer 3 (2023) - HD - MA - $6.00
The Machine (2023) - HD - MA - $5.00
The Other Woman (2014) - HD - MA Vudu iTunes GP - $5.00
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012) - HD - Vudu (split) - $4.00
The Woman King (2023) - HD - MA - $5.00
Tomb Raider (2001) - 4K - Vudu - $5.00
Trolls (2016) - HD - MA - $4.00
Venom (2018) - SD - MA - $3.00
Venom (2018) - HD - MA - $4.00
Vivo (2022) - HD - MA - $5.00
Wonder Park (2019) - 4K - Vudu - $5.00
Zero's and One's (2022) - HD - Vudu GP - $4.00
Disney / HD split
Ant-Man & the Wasp (2018) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Avatar: The Way of Water (2023) - HD - MA Vudu - $5.00
Avengers Endgame (2019) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Big Hero 6 (2014) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Black Widow (2021) - HD - GP (split) - $3.00
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) - HD - GP (split) - $5.00
Captain America: Civil War (2016) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Cars 3 (2017) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Cinderella (1950) - HD - GP (split) - $5.00
Coco (2017) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Cruella (2021) - HD - MA Vudu or GP (split) - $3.00
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) - HD - MA Vudu or GP (split) - $3.00
Encanto (2022) - HD - MA Vudu (split) - $3.00
Encanto (2022) - HD - GP (split) - $3.00
Finding Dory (2016) - HD - GP (split) - $3.00
Jungle Cruise (2022) - HD - MA Vudu (split) or GP (split) - $3.00
Lightyear (2022) - HD - MA Vudu (split) - $3.00
Lightyear (2022) - HD - GP (split) - $3.00
Lion King (1994) - HD - GP (split) - $5.00
Luca (2021) - HD - MA or GP - $3.00
Mary Poppins 50th Anniversary (1964) - HD - MA Vudu (split) - $5.00
Mary Poppins 50th Anniversary (1964) - HD - GP (split) - $5.00
Next Avengers: Heroes of Tomorrow (2008) - HD - Vudu - $6.00
Planes (2013) - HD - MA Vudu iTunes (split) - $4.00
Ralph Breaks The Internet: Wreck-It Ralph 2 (2018) - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
Snow White (1938) - HD - GP (split) - $5.00
Star Wars - The Force Awakens - HD - GP (split) - $3.00
The Invincible Iron Man (2007) - HD - Vudu - $6.00
The Little Mermaid (2023) - Live Action - HD - MA Vudu - $5.00
The Marvels (2024) - HD - MA Vudu - $7.00
The Santa Clause 1 - HD - GP (split) - $4.00
The Sword in the Stone (1963) - HD - GP (split) - $5.00
Thor: Love and Thunder HD - MA Vudu (split) - $3.00
Thor: Love and Thunder HD - GP (split) - $3.00
Thor Ragnarok (2017) - HD - GP (split) - $3.00
Thor: Tales of Asgard (2011) - HD - Vudu - $6.00
Turning Red (2022) - HD - MA Vudu (split) - $3.00
Turning Red (2022) - HD - GP (split) - $3.00
Wish (2024) - HD - MA Vudu - $6.00

I’ve (26M) struggled with depression and some suicidal ideation on and off since I was 16. It was a long road and took a lot of work on myself and countless hours of therapy, but around the end of 2023, I was in what I now consider to be the peak of my life. I was working a job I mostly liked, two semesters away from finishing my bachelor’s degree online and exercising almost every other day. After years of loneliness, I finally found a friend group I really adored spending time with, and I had a boyfriend with whom I hadn’t even realized I had fallen in love, whom I’d seen for about 6 months. For perhaps the first time, I had a generally positive outlook, I felt confident and attractive, and I had so much going for me. I had no clue that I was about to make a decision that would significantly alter that course and steer me off into the deepest, darkest depression and most relentless desire to end it all that I’ve ever felt. This is a very long and personal post about my decision to have surgery that I now, in hindsight, believe to have been unnecessary. The surgery itself has left me with chronic pain and probably lifelong negative consequences that are far worse than anything I ever experienced prior. I’ve kept most of this to myself other than sharing it with my therapist, and although I’m on the ledge, I think writing it all down and putting it out there may calm me somewhat. I haven’t spared some graphic details of some of the more sensitive changes to my body because I want this to be as detailed and accurate as possible. And anyway, why should I care? I may be dead soon anyway... My hope is that if I share my story, someone, somewhere, might benefit from it and might not make the same mistake I did that has me sincerely wanting to off myself. So here it goes.
Around NovembeDecember 2023, I started experiencing some strange stabbing pain in my upper right abdomen that would come on suddenly and then go away for no obvious reason. I also thought I saw trace amounts of blood in my stool, and this concerned me enough that I reached out to my primary care doctor at the beginning of January. My doctor is always booked for months, so they told me to go to the emergency room. The ER was packed, and I ended up sitting in the waiting room for about eight hours in between going for an ultrasound and a CT scan. I was getting very tired of waiting and was about ready to give up and leave as I had to work early in the morning the next day. Looking back, I wish I had left. Just before I was about to leave, they called me back and told me that they found something on the CT scan called an intussusception in my small bowel. This is a condition where the intestine gets caught on a “lead point” and folds in on itself, sort of like a telescope. It is most often found in infants and is very rarely found in people my age, yet I was told it is a medical emergency because the tissue of my bowel could die if left untreated, and/or the lead point could be a potentially cancerous tumor. They admitted me and told me they would scan me again in the morning because, despite the severity, there was a chance it could resolve. Hearing that I would be staying overnight shocked me, as I had never been hospitalized before, having always been in good physical health. I have never had digestive issues in the past, I’ve never been diagnosed with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis or anything of the sort, and I had never heard of this condition, but every medical professional I spoke to seemed very concerned that I had it. They didn’t have a bed for me in the hospital at that point, so I had to sleep in the packed and quite chaotic ER. About an hour after I was given a bed, a man was admitted a few feet from me who was very aggressive with all of the nurses, screaming and cursing at them throughout the night. I was not allowed to eat or drink, given the possibility of surgery. I struggled to get any sleep in that environment and woke up the next morning feeling very lethargic.
The surgeon and resident came by my bed and we spoke briefly. The surgeon explained that while the condition was serious, if it continued to show up in my CT scans, they could do minimally invasive laparoscopic surgery to resect the piece of my bowel that was telescoped and stitch it back together. I feel they really downplayed the severity of this procedure. I will never forget them saying, “It’s such a small piece of your bowel, you won’t miss it.” They felt that since I was young and otherwise healthy, I should have no problem making a full recovery. I felt confident in the fact that I was speaking to the chief of surgery at the hospital, who has more than twenty years of experience in the field. Then they brought me for my second scan, and within a few hours I was told the intussusception had not resolved. I was admitted to a hospital room, and the resident came to discuss moving forward with the surgery. My first impulse was “absolutely not,” but I quickly second-guessed myself. Everything I saw in the limited research I was able to do on my phone stated that this was indeed a serious condition that warranted surgery. In that moment, it seemed like the reasons not to go through with it were somewhat vain, such as not wanting the scars and having to forgo lifting weights at the gym for some time. Though it didn’t quite make sense to me that they wanted to operate on the complete opposite side of my body from the one that was in pain and which brought me into the ER in the first place. When I asked the resident about this, he responded, “We don’t understand how referred pain works,” Okay, fair enough, I thought. More than anything, I thought that if a doctor was in front of me, telling me what was going on with my body was an emergency situation that warranted immediate surgery, I should probably listen to them. They’re the “experts,” after all. And given the state I was in, having been in the hospital for over 24 hours at that point, running on very little sleep and nothing to eat, I don’t think I really had the capacity to fully parse what was going on, but given the doctors level of concern, it seemed like I urgently had to make a decision. After about an hour of talking it over with my mother, even though I never had any pain in the area they were about to operate on, I signed the consent papers. (Biggest fucking mistake of my life) I remember they listed risks of things that could go wrong during or shortly after the surgery, such as infection, bowel perforation, etc. They did not mention the procedure’s possible long-term consequences, and neither the surgeon nor resident ever mentioned possible long-term complications, and I didn’t think to ask. I had no experience with this kind of thing whatsoever; I am not a doctor, I don’t know any doctors, and no one I know has ever had abdominal surgery… I was so naive to trust these people, but I did. In fact, I trusted them so much that I was not terribly scared of the procedure I was about to undergo. Again, I chalk that up to the reduced mental capacity I was in, given a tough overnight stay in the ER. I remember the adrenaline rush as I was wheeled down to the operating room. I was singing one of my favorite songs in my head, hyping myself up for the procedure ahead of me. The last thing I remember was one of the OR nurses telling my mother not to worry, that the surgeon was “the best,” and that they had even operated on her husband.
I woke up high as a kite. I heard one of the nurses say I had been given fentanyl, which I remember freaked me out; I had forgotten it is more than a street drug and actually has legitimate uses. The procedure had gone fine, and I was discharged only a day or two later, with my only guidance upon discharge being not to lift heavy objects and “take it easy,” I was in some pain, but it was to be expected at that point and was well controlled by combining Tylenol and Advil. The surgeon called later that week to inform me that the pathology report had come back and that the lead point was simply “some swollen lymph nodes,” I was relieved to hear that it was not cancer. At my follow-up appointment two weeks later, I reported feeling pretty much fine. I had been granted medical leave and short-term disability from my job for six weeks following the surgery. This was the full length of time after which the surgeons expected I would recover fully. I used the time off to hang out with friends and my boyfriend and to focus on finishing what would have been my final semester of school. Those were the last few weeks that I felt somewhat normal despite what I had just gone through. I had no idea what was about to come.
About 5 weeks post-op is when I first began experiencing worse pain deep in my abdomen, right where I had the surgery, plus the pain in my upper right abdomen had not gone away. This new pain is crampy, yet sometimes stabbing, and had seemed to worsen with activity; I have experienced it every single day, nearly every hour, to varying degrees, since the beginning of February. That was also when I began regularly bloating and having difficulty going to the bathroom. No matter how hard I try to push, I can’t fully evacuate my bowels. (This is a nightmare for someone who has receptive anal sex like I used to do regularly. It is now impossible). With the emergence of all these symptoms, I felt very, very scared that there was something else wrong with me. And, of course, this all happened in the week when I was set to return to work. I have a physically demanding customer service job, and I was in so much pain that I found it impossible to be nice to the customers or even stand, so I left and, thankfully, was allowed to take the rest of the week off to figure things out. I obviously called my surgeon, but it also prompted me to do deeper research into the complications that can develop following abdominal surgery. I began pouring over medical journals, trying to figure out what was going on in my body on my own. That was when I first learned about “surgical adhesions.” These are fibrous bands of scar tissue that can develop due to the incisions made during surgery and handling of the bowel. As your body heals from the trauma of surgery, this scar tissue forms and can cause your intestine to stick to other organs or structures in your body. According to medical literature, they form in 90% of all patients who undergo abdominal surgery, but not all adhesions cause complications like what I’ve experienced. They are not easy to diagnose as they are impossible to visualize on any imaging tests, they do not go away on their own (it’s scar tissue), and the only treatment is surgically cutting them apart, which is risky, given that there’s a strong chance they will just grow back and possibly be even worse. This was obviously terrifying to me, but when I asked the surgeon about this, they said, “There’s very little chance that’s what’s happening,” given that the procedure was laparoscopic, not open. I scheduled another appointment with them, wherein they seemed quite dismissive of my concerns. They said the pain was likely “incisional” (it wasn’t and isn’t) but that they would order another CT scan so we could see what was going on. They also wrote me a script for gabapentin, an anticonvulsant meant to prevent seizures that is used off-label to treat pain and anxiety, with the qualifier that they would not write a script for anything stronger, basically implying that I was seeking narcotics, which was not at all the case, and which I found extremely offensive.
My next CT scan was scheduled about a month following that appointment in early March. In the interim, I began taking the gabapentin. I used more than I was prescribed because it was the only way I was able to control the pain and allow myself to feel comfortable at work. I didn’t anticipate the changes it would cause to my mood and behavior. In addition to feeling depressed and scared, I was also becoming easily emotionally dysregulated in ways I believe I would have been able to control prior to taking the medication. But when I didn’t take it, I was in pretty bad pain almost all the time, and I didn’t understand why at that point. My boyfriend noticed these changes in my mood and decided he needed space from me to protect his emotional wellbeing. I didn’t blame him then, and I still don’t, but I miss him terribly. We were supposed to remain “friends,” and he at least pretended he wanted that for a bit of time. At that point, I became determined to ween myself off the gabapentin and continue to work on improving my mental and physical health, for myself, but also for him; as I said, I really loved him. Later that week, after we split, I had my CT scan, and the surgeon called to tell me that it looked like I was just constipated. They advised me to take Miralax daily to ease that constipation, which should hopefully make me feel better. To me, this seemed like a huge relief. I started taking the Miralax, and at that point, I started exercising and lifting weights again. I also started trying to bulk up again, which had been an important part of my fitness journey prior to the surgery.
So April rolls around, and I am still trying my best to resume my normal life, which felt possible again at that point. I did end up successfully weening myself off gabapentin. With this newfound reinvigoration, I attempted to get my boyfriend back. We would make plans, but then he would reschedule again and again. Eventually, he kept our plans, and we met up for a talk in the park. We obviously had a lot to talk about in our relationship, at which point he told me that he simply was not attracted to me anymore. This was devastating news, as that was the first time I realized it was really over. Before I had thought that if I could show him how much I was trying to get back to the place I was before the surgery, he would stick around, but that was the moment I realized it was impossible for him to see me in the light he once did. Nevertheless, I tried to push on, kept going to the gym, and kept trying to get my life back. I was still seeing my friends regularly, and I was able to push myself to get through work, even though it was painful and hard. Plus, I was still working on my degree despite not feeling able to give it my best effort and focus with everything going on. I was still motivated to keep going, and I thought things might improve from there.
Well, lo and behold, they did not. One day in early April, I was sitting on the couch, sort of mindlessly snacking on some almonds before I was set to go have drinks with friends and see a concert. Immediately afterward, I felt that pain again in my abdomen. Despite that, I was really excited to see my friends and see the show. We met at a bar, where I had three cocktails before we made our way to the venue. I drank one or two more while the opener played. But by the time the headliner came on, I ended up in so much pain that I told my friends quite regrettably that I had to leave. I walked home and ate a small snack, wrongfully thinking it might make me feel better, before popping a melatonin and heading to bed. I woke up around 2 AM in the most intense pain I have experienced both before and after the surgery. I was extremely bloated and unable to pass gas or move my bowels. I had read somewhere that this was a sign of bowel obstruction and that I needed to seek medical attention. I made the decision to go to the ER. I walked down the stairs to leave, and as I did, I felt myself begin to vomit. Thankfully I was able to make it to the sink as I puked up what I imagine was that snack I’d had before bed. Shortly after, I arrived at the ER, this time choosing a different facility from the one where the surgeon had dismissed all of my post-surgical concerns. I was quickly admitted and given another CT scan. They confirmed my bowel was obstructed and told me they would place a tube into my nose down to my stomach to try to pump some of the blockage out. I asked the ER doctor if I was going to need to have surgery, to which he replied, “It’s a strong possibility.” This was horrifying to me. Getting the tube inserted into my nose was so painful, and I was screaming in agony the entire time. Then they gave me morphine, and I passed out. The details and timeline of that hospital stay are somewhat hazy in my mind, but I ended up being there for four days, over which I was given a “gastro graph challenge” test, wherein I was instructed to drink a contrast element which would be visualized by a series of Xrays so the doctors could monitor if anything was passing through my intestines. I met with another surgeon, whom I found to be much more attentive than my prior one, or at least simply possessing superior active listening skills. In fact, I felt that all of the staff at this second hospital were a lot more sensitive to my needs than the first. I really wish I had gone there the first time, as it’s the best hospital in the city. Add that to my long list of mistakes… Anyway.
Despite her more positive demeanor, she recommended another emergency surgery, this time a laparotomy (open) surgery to resect my bowel a second time. Her hypothesis was that the anastomosis (the medical term for the connection formed between my bowel loops during the first surgery) could be too narrow to allow food to pass through properly. I asked this new surgeon if it was possible I had adhesions causing this problem, and unlike the last one, she said, “It’s possible,” especially given that these symptoms began emerging a few weeks after the first surgery. But, like I said, they don’t really know what’s going on until they cut you open and go in there. Given that I am now much more aware of the risks of surgery and the risks of having a second procedure, I was fervently against going under the knife again. I simply couldn’t handle it. So I opted for conservative management, which meant waiting it out, taking an enema, and eventually getting back on a liquid and then solid diet. Thankfully, sitting in the hospital being NPO (Latin for nil per os - “nothing by mouth”) and taking the gastro graph made it pass eventually, and I didn’t have to have a second surgery. I was discharged from the hospital with instructions to schedule another diagnostic test called a “small bowel series,” in which they use xrays to track the amount of time it takes liquid to pass through your digestive system and to start a “low residue” diet- meaning eating very little fiber. Suddenly gone from my diet are all of the fruits and vegetables I once loved, and I can’t eat nuts or seeds (It seems to me that those almonds caused the obstruction in the first place). Basically, I’m now forced to exist on a diet of the most processed foods imaginable because although they are demonstrably unhealthy, that is all that my body is now able to safely digest.
After leaving that second hospital stay, I proceeded to delve even further into research about not only long-term abdominal surgery complications such as adhesions but also the nature of adult intussusceptions in general. I once again started furiously googling, finding results from medical journals and personal accounts from Reddit. I came to the conclusion that intussusceptions in adults, while ostensibly serious, have a strong possibility of resolving on their own, especially when they present in the small bowel, in the absence of vomiting (I never vomited before going to the hospital in January), when there is no obvious lead point (they couldn’t see it on my scans) and there is no obstruction (I was never obstructed before the surgery). Furthermore, while intussusception does present with blood in the stool, it is usually described as “currant jelly stool” (something I don’t recommend you google because it looks atrocious), which is not even close to the trace amounts of blood I saw in my own stool. (But no one ever asked, so how would I know the difference?) I never experienced any pain whatsoever in the area of my small bowel before the surgery. And yet I was told by a doctor that I was experiencing a medical emergency, which might have been caused by some malignant growth, which scared the shit out of me and made me feel at the time that immediate action was necessary. At one point, I even found a paper that attributed intussusception to cannabis use, which I had engaged in that week. In these papers, the authors highlight that these intussusceptions were transient and did not require surgical intervention. And on the point of adhesions, they are not easily diagnosed, and they are not easily treatable without surgical intervention; and said intervention is a cache 22 scenario because every time you get cut open, you risk growing back even more adhesions.
With all of this knowledge, I became absolutely distraught. I was never informed that by having this procedure performed, I would be at this increased risk of experiencing bowel obstruction. Like most people, I literally had no idea what an “adhesion” even was. What made me lose hope the most was that it seems as if doctors do these surgeries and simply ignore adhesion as a consequence because they don’t have any feasible way to prevent it or treat it without potentially creating more adhesion. So, although I was released from the hospital having avoided a second surgery, I felt more lost and hopeless than ever. I simply couldn’t cope with the realization that this would be something I would deal with for the rest of my life, something I could’ve avoided had I never agreed to get the first surgery because although I had that original pain I mentioned earlier- which has still continued to this day, it wasn’t and isn’t anything close to how excruciating the obstruction was, and it wasn’t really disrupting my life in the way the post-surgical pain has. But under the guidance of doctors, I opted to permanently alter my body, and there’s no going back. I feel so incredibly stupid for being deceived by these “medical professionals” who didn’t take the time to understand what was actually going on with me and chose to take an overly aggressive course of action that has left me permanently altered, in pain, and completely diminished my quality of life.
That week after leaving the hospital was truly the most suicidal I have ever felt. As I mentioned, I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation on and off since my adolescence. I’ve always had latent thoughts about wanting to die, wanting to escape, feeling like I’m hopeless and there’s no use trying to better myself. But this time, the desire to end my life was so much more intense. I became extremely disassociated from everything in life. In that week following my second hospitalization, there was absolutely nothing that could bring me joy. Before the surgery, I used to find deep pleasure in simply walking around my neighborhood for at least an hour every day. But I couldn’t do it anymore because walking gives me time to think, and thinking is too painful. It always leads back to the realization of the way I am now. Nothing could make me smile or laugh. I couldn’t even listen to music, one of my favorite things in the world. I became completely devoid of all emotions as my research transitioned away from my various new ailments and into ways I could end my life.
It didn’t take much for me to find resources from assisted suicide advocate groups, recommending that the most painless way to go was to gas yourself by placing a plastic bag over your head and attaching a hose from an inert gas tank like helium or nitrogen. I read that pure helium used to be widely available from party supply stores for balloons, but eventually, the manufacturers caught on and started diluting the tanks with about 20% oxygen, making it unlikely that their products could lead to death. So, I sought out nitrogen. First, I went to a gas supply store, but I hadn’t prepared a reasonable alibi as to why I needed such a thing as a tank of pure nitrogen, so when the clerk asked me why I needed it, I caved and said, “Nevermind,” and left the store. So I took to Google and came across a homebrew supply store that would sell me a tank of nitrogen intended to be used to make nitro cold brew. It was in a city about 2 hours drive from mine, but I had nothing but time and a strong desire to end it all. So I went. I got to the store and purchased the nitrogen tank with no problem. I headed back home, straightened my room, and proceeded to check myself into a hotel room, as I did not want my roommate to have to find my body and turn our house into a crime scene. When I arrived at the hotel, I laid down for a while before I got the tank and the bag set up and ready to go. But I must have done something wrong because when I turned the tank on, my heart began to race, and I started to feel like I was suffocating. This was not what was supposed to happen. I left the hotel and drove to an area where I thought I could hang myself. I tied the noose but was too scared to go through with it. Then I drove to a 10-story parking garage and then a bridge, but death-by-impact seemed to scare me too much to try. So, I returned to my car and attempted the exit bag method again in my backseat. This time, I got closer. As I turned the tank on, I remember feeling euphoric as some sort of funny thoughts drifted through my mind. But it wasn’t enough; I had already let too much out of the tank in my prior attempts. Discouraged, I headed back home.
The rest of April and May passed by in a blur. Over that time, I’ve had two more appointments with the surgeons I met at the second hospital, a small bowel study (a more in-depth series of x-rays tracking the transit time of liquid through the GI tract), and a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Those have not yielded any significant findings as to what is going on, making me believe even more that all of these problems are being caused by adhesions. However, the small bowel study did reveal that my stomach is slightly herniated, which I believe is the cause of the original pain that I sought care for in the first place. At my last appointment, I was told to see a “small bowel specialist” GI doctor. But that was three weeks ago, and I haven’t even been able to get an appointment with them. I’m on a waiting list, but I imagine I’m looking at many months before I can get an appointment. I don’t know what they’re going to do for me. I don’t know that there’s anything that can be done besides more surgery, and I am very fearful about that. I fear the only way that these fucking doctors who fucked me up in the first place are going to even try to help me is if I’m obstructed again. But the changes to my diet, as much as I hate them, have kept me in a more manageable amount of pain and out of the hospital for now.
It is now June, and I am shocked that I am still here and confused about what to do now. Despite the diet, I still feel pain and discomfort at some point in the day, every single day. I think about wanting this all to end all of the time. I have not attempted again, though I did pick up another nitrogen tank, and I’ve also stockpiled a 90 day supply of my antidepressant, so at least I have the option. I am drinking two bottles of wine or half a bottle of vodka nearly every night. Alcohol is the only thing that seems to quiet my thoughts enough to get through each evening. I am sitting here in a cycle where I think about doing it, but I still feel obligated to go to work, to see my friends, and to feed my cat. My life has continued, but I don’t feel like I’m living anymore; I merely exist. I feel extremely unattractive because although I look the same as I did on the outside, I’m overcome with never ending emotional pain and turmoil on the inside. I am now unable to take care of myself and be on top of my life the way I used to be. After the second hospitalization, I dropped out of school and have no plans to continue, as I won’t need a bachelor’s degree when I’m dead. I have stopped exercising altogether, as it feels like there’s no point in trying to improve or take care of a body that has been permanently broken. Through all of this, I’ve lost much of my confidence and I feel I have completely lost my identity. I miss that old me so much. I miss my boyfriend so much. Plans with my friends are sometimes the only thing that keeps me going, and I am extremely grateful for them, but despite their continued presence, I feel extremely isolated and lonely. It’s hard to explain what I’ve been through to people without the context of all that has happened. I don’t have the energy to share it with them. And I feel if I speak about what I’m going through, I will feel like a burden, killing the vibe, and I don’t want that.
I have never felt this alienated from my body and from everything in life. I cannot cope with the fact that things will never be how they were before. I feel so incredibly distraught that I threw away what was shaping up to be the best days of my life. There’s nothing I or anyone else can do to change what has happened to me. It took me such a long time to get to the place I was in before the surgery. It was a brief and beautiful couple of months, but it’s over, and there’s no way for me to return. Even if there was, I don’t have that much of a fight left in me. I feel like such a fucking idiot for allowing the doctors to do this to me. I look around at all the happy people around me and know that I am dragging them down with my depression. I am tired of feeling helpless and like a burden on everyone I love. I am a shell of the person I once was. Ending it all is the singular thing that’s in my control. It is the only way to end all of this pain and suffering and stop the concern and confusion of my loved ones. I know that my exit will be painful to them, but they will all get over it in time. But me? I don’t think I will ever get over this. I will never be able to accept this horrible choice that I made. I am so tired of living this way. I am supposed to turn 27 soon, but I really don’t want to live to see my birthday. I have nothing to celebrate. My life is completely, irreversibly fucked. I don’t know when I will go, but it will be sooner rather than later. I am so sorry to everyone. I know this will hurt. I just can’t go on living this way. To all the people I care about, know that I love you, and I am so thankful you were part of my life. I know you will all go on to do great things without me. This entire saga has been unbearable; my life has spun out of control, and suicide is the only way to end my suffering. I’m sorry. I’m signing off.
TL;DR: Doctors performed a surgery I now think was unnecessary and the complications make me want to kill myself.

My dad and I have a business together and things have been slow this year. I get my income through one of our clients as a subcontractor and my dad has another job with a $160k salary. Recently, we won a few large projects and are expecting a big commission around $150-$180k,which I get 20% of.
My dad has made some really stupid choices in the past, like buying cars he can’t really afford. These new projects on the horizon has got him looking at buying a luxury sports car. He has said for the past few months that the next car he gets will be paid with cash and he isn’t going to be dumb again.
Yesterday morning, he asked if I could loan him $5k to cover the taxes on a car he found. He said he’d pay me back in late summer when we get the commissions. I reluctantly agreed but spent the entire day figuring out how to tell him I’m not doing it, even though he knows I can technically afford it. I have $41k in my savings account, but some of it is for taxes. I know he would pay me back, but there’s always a chance these projects could be delayed, which would mean a delay in payment.
I’m getting married at the end of the year and saving for a house. $5k is a lot of money to me, and the thought of not seeing it for longer than expected doesn’t sit well. My dad also agreed to pay for at least $10k of our wedding and to pay off my $30k student loans once he had the funds. I’m currently paying them, but he said he would reimburse me for it. I feel like he has agreed to pay for things he doesn’t actually care to pay for and rather prioritize himself first, which makes me sad. I don’t ask him to pay any of my bills and am very financially responsible.
Last night, I went over and told him I couldn’t do it. He instantly got annoyed and defensively said it was fine but that he was handing over my car note, insurance, and phone bill. These are things he insisted on paying because they are business expenses, and he got my car for me before I went to college. I don’t mind paying these things, although it will eat a lot into the amount I can save each month. My mom told me they could have paid off my car when the lease was up, but my dad didn’t want to, so he got a high-interest loan to continue monthly payments. This brought my car note up an extra $130.
I told him it’s dumb to buy a car with money you don’t have yet, and he said he HAS the cash but just wanted some help. This doesn’t make ANY sense to me.
I went on to tell him how his behavior is wrong and that he is trying to financially punish me for not funding his toy. I was met with a guilt trip about how he’s done a lot for me and I should want to help him out. Then he said I’m not needed at the company anymore because there isn’t much going on and that I don’t deserve 20% commissions for doing “nothing.” I said I will quit and want my name off the company. My mom has convinced him to hold off on handing over my car and phone bill until I am married. My mom and fiancé are disgusted by it all, and I’m pretty distraught. I plan to ask my client to hire me directly, as I’ve turned down that option in the past because my dad told me it was in my best interest to remain as a 1099 and not a W2.
I really believed in our company and what we were doing, so it hurts to leave it behind, especially when a few weeks ago, we were talking about how things are picking up and one day I’ll take it and run with it. I wasn’t expecting to lose the future I was promised as well as lose my dad all within a day.
Overall, I’m heartbroken to feel like my dad has ruined our relationship. We did not get along well growing up, but once we started working together and I didn’t live with him, things got better. Last night took me back to how I felt when I lived at home, and he would take away my phone or car keys if he got upset at me. I thought my dad had made some progress as a person, but I can’t help but feel like he did all this as a way to still have control over me. It really sucks and really hurts to feel that the progress our relationship made over the years was wiped away.
Is this worth limiting contact over or am I overreacting?
TLDR: My dad and I have a business together, and we’re expecting $150-$180k in commissions this summer. Despite his history of poor financial decisions, he asked me for a $5k loan to buy a luxury car. I refused, and he retaliated by threatening to stop paying for my car, insurance, and phone bills. This led to a heated argument where he downplayed my role in the company and tried to guilt trip me into giving him the loan.

Five Minutes of Recovery Later…
“Okay…Let me understand this again.” Reimu began. “Each of you noticed something was off with the moon so you decided to go investigate. And it so happened we all followed the same trail to the bamboo forest, and noticing how the night had remained stagnant the moment we laid eyes on one another we assumed we were behind the incident. Am I right?”
“Correct” Sakuya said, standing alongside Remilia. To her left and right were Marisa and Youmu, who respectively stood by Alice and Yuyuko while Yukari was by Reimu.
“Okay good, and considering we came all the way here to the bamboo forest of the lost means we can clarify none of us here has anything to do with the moon’s replacement. So, does anyone know where we might find our true culprits?”
No one spoke up, save for Youmu who timidly raised her hand.
“Um…Yuyuko-sama and I, when we entered the forest we noticed some lights east of here, but we were too caught up fighting to go check it out. It’s possible that may be where the culprit is hiding.”
“Oh, I noticed something too while making my way here, but it was a building; a mansion more specifically. I think the lights you’re referring to might be the mansion.” Alice said.
“A mansion?” Yukari wondered. “Strange, I never heard of a mansion existing in this part of Gensokyo.”
“Don’t tell me it’s another foreign noble who came from the outside.” Reimu said, making a small glance over at Sakuya and Remilia. “But now I know where to look next, so if you excuse me...”
Reimu moved past the group over the direction Youmu stated earlier, but Marisa rushed over and halted her path.
“Woah, hold on! What makes you think you can go over there alone, huh?” Marisa asked.
Reimu looked at her friend for a moment before replying, “I never said you couldn’t come, did I?”
Her statement made Marisa pause for a second, showing an expression that was enough to make Reimu laugh a little.
“C’mon, let’s go beat up whoever stole the moon.” Reimu patted Marisa’s shoulder and walked past her, as did Yukari. Marisa turned around, not going to let the misconception get the best of her, so she wrapped her arm around Alice’s waist and pulled her over while hopping on her broom.
“Marisa? What are you doing?” Alice asked with confusion.
“Hey, Reimu!” Marisa got Reimu’s attention, along with everyone else’s, “Last one there’s a Nuppeppo!” She declared before blasting forward, with Alice clinging on tight so as to not fall. Reimu saw Marisa fly past her, and instantly she knew the proper response.
“It’s on.” She said, running and soon flying as fast as she could to catch up with the blazing magician. The others did the same, not wanting to be left behind.
—
Somewhere in the Bamboo Forest, Rumia remained astray. She passed by the same boulder three times, and couldn’t tell which way was north. To make matters worse, she encountered a series of booby traps everywhere she tried to go. From constant pitfalls to makeshift ballistas that shot sharpened bamboo sticks; even coming across an anvil that hung high in the air above a plate of cheese for some reason. Nonetheless she managed to get through the traps, though much more fatigued.
“Ugh, I don’t know where I am, I nearly got punctured several times, and I can’t seem to find Reimu or the others.” Rumia complained as she continued flying across the stalks. “No wonder this place has the word ‘lost’ in its name. Hopefully I’ll find everyone soon.”
Despite her complaint, she kept moving forward, getting more lost as a result.
—
In an open area there laid a large old-fashioned mansion, surrounded by walls of bamboo at least ten feet tall. It looked like it was constructed the day before, despite its antique design. There was no wear or tear on the interior, no moss growing, no sign of decay anywhere. This mansion was known as Eientei, a home of rabbits and prominent figures, but mostly rabbits.
Standing by the mansion’s gate stood two figures in pink dresses with rabbit ears on their heads holding large wooden mallets. Though they looked human, they’re a species of youkai, commonly referred to as earth rabbits, or just rabbits. They lived in the mansion, spending their days relaxing and having fun, while also ensuring no one came to disturb their home. Their positions were that of gate guards, tasked to keep intruders out; however, unlike most guards they were inattentive. Their eyes drooped from the desire to sleep and thoughts of going in eating mochi with the rest of their peers further kept away their attention.
“When will we switch with the others?” The first rabbit guard said with a yawn.
“When when?” The second rabbit guard spoke. “I don’t like standing guard on night-shift, it’s boring.”
“Boring boring boring. Why can’t we have fun fun? I like to have fun fun with friends friends.” The first rabbit hopped a little.
“Friends. Friends.” The second rabbit tilted her head back and forth. “I want mochi. Mochi. Mochi.”
“I also want mochi mochi mochi. How how long must we wait wait? I don’t think any intruders will show up.” The first rabbit hopped and nodded her head.
“No no. No intruders, no intruders.” The second rabbit shook her head.
“Yes. No intruders-”
Suddenly zipping past the rabbit guards were a black-white and red-white, along with several figures donning different colored clothing of various degrees entering past the gate and breaking through the doors of the entrance hall into the mansion. Both rabbits gazed at the broken doors with stunned faces.
“Oh no.” The first rabbit said.
“No no no.” The second rabbit said.
The group consisting of humans, youkai, vampires and ghosts; whether partial or not, barged their way through the mansion. The rabbits who were casually roaming the place were caught off-guard by the speeding force of a three-quarter dozen. Many quickly fled out to safety, while those not as cowardly stood their guard with wooden mallets and bullets to spare. Yet despite their best defenses, they remained no match against what seemed to be an unstoppable force.
Further down the hallway, a couple rabbits, faster than others, ran to a particular rabbit that wore the same outfit as them, but had black wavy shoulder-length hair and wore a carrot-shaped necklace. Her name is Tewi Inaba, the White Hare.
“Tewi-sama! Tewi-sama! Bad bad news!” One of the rabbits hastily said.
“Very bad, very bad!” The other rabbit spoke as hastily as her peer. “Intruders intruders!”
“Intruders? Here?” The Earth Rabbit named Tewi looked at her subordinates with some disbelief.
“Yes yes yes! There are so many!”
“Very many very many!”
Based on their faces filled with anxiety and how often they looked back down the hall Tewi could tell they weren’t lying. Furthermore, her ears detected sounds of bullets being shot out, growing closer and louder. As was part of the deal she made long ago with the owner of the mansion, she knew there would come a time when she would have to defend the place, even if it meant giving herself so others would be safe.
“Okay, go warn Reisen and Eirin, and make sure the princess is safe too. I’ll try to hinder the threats.” Tewi said.The rabbits were concerned if their leader could handle so many people on her own, but at the same time they also saw her as commendable. They thanked her before making their way further down the hall.
“Okay Tewi…Stay calm and count on your luck.” She gave herself a little pep talk, taking a deep breath as she saw the figures coming over now. A few rabbits were trying to flee, but fell victim to their bullets. After a quick analysis of what she’s up against, she confirmed she was screwed.
Much further down the hall, another rabbit quickly and hurriedly went to every door she could find, placing seals left and right to ensure none could be opened. Though unlike most of the rabbits in Eientei, hers were longer and thinner, and she had long purple hair and red eyes. She also wore different clothes consisting of a black blazer, white buttoned shirt, a pinkish skirt and red shoes. Her name is Reisen Udongein Inaba, a Moon Rabbit.
“Okay, all the doors should be locked. Princess should now be safe.” She said with a hurried tone. “Master should have the preparations ready to send the intruders out. Just a little more time and-”
Her left ear twitched. She looked down the hall with further worry. Something drew near. She formed her hand into the shape of a gun, and her eyes glowed dimly. Then coming into her sight weren't the intruders, rather Tewi as she flew towards Reisen before falling face-first into the ground, sliding further till coming to a stop by her feet.
“Ow…” She let out a long cry of ache.
“Tewi! Are you okay!?” Reisen looked down at the other rabbit, her eyes wider than ever.
“I’m good, terrific. How about you, Reisen?” Tewi said with slight sarcasm. Reisen picked up her tone and got a bit angry.
“This is no time for jokes, what happened to the intruders? Are they coming this way?”
“Oh yeah, they’ll be here any second. Also, I think I broke a rib.”
“Eh? You broke a-”
She stopped speaking for a moment when she saw a butterfly-shaped bullet flying right at her. She quickly dodged and counterattacked by shooting a bullet out of her hand. The bullet flew right over where Yuyuko was, only to be cut in half by Youmu’s blade. Both Youmu and Reisen held their stances, staring at the other with an odd sense of respect for the other’s quick reaction. Soon after the rest of the incident resolving group arrived at the scene.
“Oh crap.” Tewi looked back and made an immediate decision. “I’ll leave the rest to you, Reisen!” She got back up and fled.
“T-Tewi!” Reisen called for her to come back, but it was no use.
“Is that the culprit, Yukari?” Reimu asked, to which Yukari shook her head no.
“No, she looks different from the other rabbits, but I don’t believe she’s who we’re looking for.” Yukari said.
“Maybe she’ll tell us if we incapacitate her.” Alice said, readying more dolls with strings.
“Let’s not knock her out then, we need her awake for interrogation.” Marisa stated.
“And if she doesn’t talk, we’ll make her by any means.” Sakuya said with a threatening voice.
“And when we’re finished, she’ll make for a wonderful stew later.” Remilia spoke.
“Mmmm, rabbit stew. Youmu, be sure to gather the necessary ingredients by the end of the week.” Yuyuko said with hunger. “Oh, and don’t forget to acquire some sparrows for tomorrow’s dinner.” Her request made Youmu look at her with bewilderment.
Reisen’s heart raced hearing what they had planned for her. She had to fight back now and give her master more time, so she did what only she could. She opened her eyes wide, causing a bright red glow which caught the group off-guard as they were blinded.
“Augh!!!” Some of them yelled, covering their eyes with their hands and arms. A few seconds later the light ceased, and when they uncovered their faces they were met with a dozen of the same person, all raising their hands as they let out bullets. The group, momentarily confused by the sudden number of copies, defended from the oncoming barrage, raising barriers while retaliating with bullets of their own. Soon it was like any other danmaku fight, with everyone zipping around trying to analyze the patterns of the bullets. A few of the Reisens were taken down, but most remained, still keeping the group on their toes.
While Remilia fought, she discerned something odd about her opponent. Her eyes, more keen than others, saw the differences in the copies, such as the length of the hair being a couple centimeters short, or the color of the skirt being less saturated. Making quick glances at the others, she pinpointed which was the real one, and immediately called her out.
“Sakuya! Attack that one!” She said, Sakuya looked over where Remilia pointed and saw the Reisen which Reimu and Yukari were up against. Reisen caught Remilia and Sakuya rushing at her with knives and bats. She knew she couldn’t hold her own against four people at once, so she had to retreat. She ran down the hall, as did her copies, all going separate directions. Reimu, Yukari, Sakuya and Remilia followed the original Reisen while Marisa, Alice, Youmu and Yuyuko followed a copy down a different part of the hallway, separating the group.

A day in a life of a booze hound
Maui(this was about 10 years ago) 73 days sober today
It is 445am im dryheaving again. Sweat is stuck to my face like dew on a leaf. The humidity is 100% and heavy. I turn on the shower to try and drown out the heaves from waking my alcoholic mom. My eyes are spewing tears, and the back of my throat burns as i wretch. My stomach feels like it's being plunged. My poor, empty stomach. I stick my fingers down my throat, determined to get this daily side quest over with. Finally, my spine curls up like a scared cat, and i gag out just enough bile to calm my stomach. It's 5am...i have to be at the methadone clinic at 7 am for my 80mg dose. I turn off the decoy shower and slink into the living room to where my pull out coach bed is. I put on a pair of board shorts and a shirt, and out the door, i go into the early morning sunrise of lahaina. My flip flops thunk down the stairs as i make way down the yellow brick road.
I can still hear the birds their calls were so ethereal in that time in between darkness and light. I reach front street. I see the ocean with all its splender. For a second, i appreciate the beauty. Then, a wave of naseau hits me. Im at the second stop of my daily quest. This is where i dryheave some more with the rising sun on a island in the middle of the fucking pacific ocean. My snot and tears are washed into the blue warm water. I hurl over and over. Tears are cascading down my face i am crying for real. I am crying and lauging at the irony of being so miserable in paradise. One last wrectch and im good go. My daily quest continues
I reach the liquour store its 5:45am. There is a line of other booze hounds shaking and making pointing getures to the poison they want. my turn, i reach into my pocket and gingerly grab a handful of change i have been collecting. Shakingly, i drop the change on the counter. She knows it's a few cents short it always is. She hands me a pint of taka vodka with a look of sadness and then forces a smile and says her usual "mahalo." I genuinely smile and reply "sorry" i was sorry for making her see me every day, slowly getting thinner and sicker. I walk outside, unscrew the bottle as i walk to the bustsop, and take a gag of vodka down. I force my mouth shut and use jedi mind tricks not to vomit. I can feel the vodka move down my esophagus into my stomach. I sigh and take another as a warm, familiar feeling grows inside me.
I reach the bus stop with 3 minutes to spare, i sit on the stairs and take another gag of vodka and watch the productive members of society socialize and act alien like to me. I might as well be on another planet

Hello,
I need some exterior advice separate from that of my friends. I will make the story a bit simplified because it doesn't really matter:
I met this guy at a conference I attended (we study the same things), and at the first moment I saw him, there was this spark. I am not easily drawn to men, but with him, it just felt real and this was the first time I have felt this in my life. We couldn't stop staring at each other.
After the day, we connected on LinkedIn (trying to keep it as civil as possible at the conference). From there, we end up texting non-stop, day and night, getting to know each other, sending each other photos. I haven't lost sleep for a guy since I was a teenager. We then met up a few days later as he asked me out. Everything was perfect. He is like the male version of me (we have endless similarities), he is probably the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on, and there is a connection that is undeniable. We spent the evening together (nothing sexual) and he said that he shared mutual feelings regarding our spark, connection, and that he could see this going somewhere serious.
It all happened so quickly. He continued to text me day in and day out. We got very close (but he had to go back home to a different country for a few days). He still texted me showing me around his hometown. He had another trip planned the day after he got back to go on a vacation with his friends, which he is currently on.
Here's the situation: He is going to be away all summer, and is a very logical person, which I respect. He is going to (maybe) be back here depending on if he finds a job here, and said he was interested in dating when he comes back in September should he find a job. We grew our connection so deeply for a while, but he was constantly traveling (he even said to me that he would have rather canceled his trip to be with me and spend the time before he has to move away - I obviously said no). As of two days ago, he still wanted to continue to see me romantically and grow our connection until September.
He then grew cold from thinking his logical side and I believe a bit scared with how fast this was all going and was “scared to be hurt by losing me because he has to go away”. He doesn’t seem to let his feelings take into account any of his decisions. He wants now to remain friends as he does not see a path forward for us, though before he said he could never be just friends with me. I was not being pushy or clingy, rather I was matching his energy.
I am just confused as his feelings have seemed to change in the matter of days. I respect he wants to be friends with me, but now he says it won’t hurt him at all being friends when a couple of days ago he was ready to date me and had incredibly strong feelings for me. He wants to hang out in the days he is back as friends. What’s your advice? I agreed to the friendship as I do not want to lose the connection we have, friends or not. He said we might be able to try when he is back, but I don't know if that's how he feels. I haven't felt this way before and I wish I could do something to help. I respect his opinions regardless and am giving him all the space.
Help me to manifest him - I know he is thinking about me - but help me to manifest him to believe that he was right about me and to realise that his feelings do matter with his decisions.

I’m 22 turning 23 in December and I have 2 years of college left to finish as I left to go sell real estate. I figured since I started college I may as well finish and now I’d like to go back but I’d still like to be in that college atmosphere in a big city or college town. Not that I’d hang out with freshman but I’d like to be around like minded individuals. Would I be too old to attend UH and have a student apartment with roomates or should I just do online classes ?

I'm trying to make a camera spin around a sphere by dragging the mouse to simulate spinning a globe. I'm not super experienced with Quaternions, but I managed to get that basic functionality working. So far the player can hold LMB and drag the mouse to rotate the camera around the sphere. The next time they manually rotate it, the camera will start the new rotation where it ended the last rotation.
Now I'm trying to include the functionality to spin the globe by letting go of LMB while still moving the mouse (Ex. drag the mouse to the right, the camera rotates right. Let go of LMB while still dragging right and the camera keeps rotating for a few seconds to simulate the follow through rotation you'd expect on a real globe). I've managed to make that work too. The follow through spin even decelerates to 0 like you'd expect.
But after letting the globe follow through spin and left clicking again, the camera snaps back closer to where the manual rotation ended. If it follow through spins long enough, it will snap back a little ahead of where the manual rotation ended, but it's supposed to let you start manually rotating where the follow throughj rotation ended.
Furthermore, the follow through rotation only applies to left and right rotation. And if I use the lastMouseV (a vector which represents the direction the mouse moved) for the vector to rotate along, it seems to set the axis of rotation 90 degrees of how it's supposed to be.
If anyone has any advice on how to fix my code, it'd be a god send. I've been struggling with it for days.
using System.Collections;
using System.Collections.Generic;
using UnityEngine;
public class CamRotate : MonoBehaviour
{

region Variables

[SerializeField] private Vector3 startPoint; // Start point of the rotation
[Header("Movement Variables")]
public Transform target; // The object around which the camera will orbit
public float inputSensitivity = 150.0f; // Mouse input sensitivity
private float mouseX, mouseY; // Mouse input values
private float startDistance; // Initial distance between camera and target
private bool isRotating = false; // Flag to track if rotation should occur
[Header("Zoom Variables")]
public float zoomSpeed = 5.0f; // Speed of zooming in and out
public float minFOV = 20f; // Minimum field of view
public float maxFOV = 100f; // Maximum field of view
[Header("Zoom Variables 2")]
public float zoom;
public float zoomMult = 4f;
public float minZoom = 2f;
public float maxZoom;
private float velocity = 0f;
public float smoothTime = 0.25f;
[SerializeField] public Camera cam;
[Header("Rotation Momentum Variables")]
public Vector3 rotation;
public float mouseRotationX;
public float mouseRotationY;
public float curRotationSpeedX = 0f;
public float curRotationSpeedY = 0f;
public float rotationSpeed = 1f;
public float rotationDamping = 1f;
public Vector3 lastMousePosition; // Last recorded mouse position
public Vector3 currentMousePosition;
public Vector3 lastMouseV; // Last recorded mouse movement vector
public float lastMouseS; // Last recorded mouse speed
public float deceleration;

endregion

void Start()
{
cam = GetComponent();
zoom = cam.fieldOfView;
if (target == null)
{
Debug.LogError("Target not assigned for CameraOrbit script!");
return;
}
//Calculate the initial distance between camera and target
startDistance = Vector3.Distance(transform.position, target.position);
//Hide and lock the cursor
//Cursor.lockState = CursorLockMode.Locked;
//Cursor.visible = false;
// Initialize mouseX and mouseY based on current camera rotation
mouseX = transform.eulerAngles.y;
mouseY = transform.eulerAngles.x;
}
void LateUpdate()
{
// If the target exists, rotate the camera around it
if (target != null && isRotating) {
//Capture mouse input
mouseX += Input.GetAxis("Mouse X") * inputSensitivity * Time.deltaTime;
mouseY -= Input.GetAxis("Mouse Y") * inputSensitivity * Time.deltaTime;
mouseY = Mathf.Clamp(mouseY, -80f, 80f); //Limit vertical rotation angle
//Calculate rotation based on mouse input
Quaternion rotation = Quaternion.Euler(mouseY, mouseX, 0);
//Calculate the new position of the camera based on the rotation and initial distance
Vector3 negDistance = new Vector3(0.0f, 0.0f, -startDistance);
Vector3 position = rotation * negDistance + target.position;
//Update camera position and rotation
transform.rotation = rotation;
transform.position = position;
startPoint = transform.position;
} else if (target != null && !isRotating) {
transform.rotation = transform.rotation;
transform.position = transform.position;
startPoint = transform.position;
}
}
void Update()
{
scrollZoom();
cursorShoot();
checkMouseInput();
float scroll = Input.GetAxis("Mouse ScrollWheel");
if (scroll != 0f)
{
float newFOV = Camera.main.fieldOfView - scroll * zoomSpeed;
Camera.main.fieldOfView = Mathf.Clamp(newFOV, minFOV, maxFOV);
}
if (!isRotating)
{
transform.RotateAround(target.transform.position, lastMouseV, lastMouseS * Time.deltaTime);
}
decelerate();
}
void scrollZoom()
{
//ZoomCamera.fieldOfView -= Input.GetAxis("Mouse ScrollWheel") * zoomSpeed;
float scrollWheel = Input.GetAxis("Mouse ScrollWheel");
//zoom = Mathf.Clamp(zoom, minZoom, maxZoom);
zoom -= scrollWheel * zoomMult;
cam.orthographicSize = Mathf.SmoothDamp(cam.orthographicSize, zoom, ref velocity, smoothTime);
cam.orthographicSize = Mathf.Clamp(cam.orthographicSize, minZoom, maxZoom);
}
private void cursorShoot()
{
// Bit shift the index of the layer (8) to get a bit mask
int layerMask = ~(1 << LayerMask.NameToLayer("IgnoreRaycast"));
// This would cast rays only against colliders in layer 8.
RaycastHit hit;
// Does the ray intersect any objects excluding the player layer
if (Physics.Raycast(transform.position, transform.TransformDirection(Vector3.forward), out hit, Mathf.Infinity, layerMask))
{
Debug.DrawRay(transform.position, transform.TransformDirection(Vector3.forward) * hit.distance, Color.red);
}
}
private void checkMouseInput() {
// Check if left mouse button is held down
if (Input.GetMouseButtonDown(0)) {
isRotating = true;
lastMousePosition = Input.mousePosition;
}
// Check if left mouse button is released
if (Input.GetMouseButtonUp(0)) {
isRotating = false;
lastMouseS = CalculateMouseSpeed();
lastMouseV = CalculateMouseVector();
}
}
public float CalculateMouseSpeed() {
// Mouse speed calculation based on the change in mouse position
float speed = Input.GetAxis("Mouse X") / Time.deltaTime;
speed = Mathf.Clamp(speed, -300f, 300f); //Limit speed
return speed;
}
public Vector3 CalculateMouseVector() {
// Mouse movement vector calculation based on the change in mouse position
currentMousePosition = Input.mousePosition;
Vector3 mouseVector = currentMousePosition - lastMousePosition;
return mouseVector;
}
public void decelerate() {
if (!isRotating && lastMouseS > 0) {
lastMouseS -= deceleration * Time.deltaTime;
} else if (!isRotating && lastMouseS < 0) {
lastMouseS += deceleration * Time.deltaTime;
}
}
}

I'm 28 and got caught up in booze during covid. It got really bad 2 years ago when I just started drinking straight vodka. I was able to stay clean for 14 days last week but relapsed hard. Last drink I had was 4 days ago and it was a big night, consumed almost a liter in about 12 hours. The first two days I experienced what I'm used to, which is light audio and visual hallucinations. These for me have always been light to medium visual patterns on walls and hearing noises or voices (think about hearing your neighbors radio or voice through the walls but it's not real). Last night and the night before things got a little hectic. I've slept 2 hours in the last 2 days. When I lay down in bed the audio has quieted down a bit. But sleeping sober when I close my eyes basically my brain starts to play short clips of things I've seen, like: pornograhy, past relationship moments, relationship moments that never actually happend just kind of what if scenarios. Basically anything I've been ashamed of in the 2 years of heavy drinking. I've never been schizophrenic or had hallucinations like this (other than the few years I spent using hallucinogenic drugs, only a few times a year and not recently). They flow one right after another and it feels like I'm asleep but watching a bad movie. Has anyone ever experienced this before and do you think it will stop?

Hello,
I need some exterior advice separate from that of my friends. I will make the story a bit simplified because it doesn't really matter:
I met this guy at a conference I attended (we study the same things), and at the first moment I saw him, there was this spark. I am not easily drawn to men, but with him, it just felt real and this was the first time I have felt this in my life. We couldn't stop staring at each other.
After the day, we connected on LinkedIn (trying to keep it as civil as possible at the conference). From there, we end up texting non-stop, day and night, getting to know each other, sending each other photos. I haven't lost sleep for a guy since I was a teenager. We then met up a few days later as he asked me out. Everything was perfect. He is like the male version of me (we have endless similarities), he is probably the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on, and there is a connection that is undeniable. We spent the evening together (nothing sexual) and he said that he shared mutual feelings regarding our spark, connection, and that he could see this going somewhere serious.
It all happened so quickly. He continued to text me day in and day out. We got very close (but he had to go back home to a different country for a few days). He still texted me showing me around his hometown. He had another trip planned the day after he got back to go on a vacation with his friends, which he is currently on.
Here's the situation: He is going to be away all summer, and is a very logical person, which I respect. He is going to (maybe) be back here depending on if he finds a job here, and said he was interested in dating when he comes back in September should he find a job. We grew our connection so deeply for a while, but he was constantly traveling (he even said to me that he would have rather canceled his trip to be with me and spend the time before he has to move away - I obviously said no). As of two days ago, he still wanted to continue to see me romantically and grow our connection until September.
He then grew cold from thinking his logical side and I believe a bit scared with how fast this was all going and was “scared to be hurt by losing me because he has to go away”. He doesn’t seem to let his feelings take into account any of his decisions. He wants now to remain friends as he does not see a path forward for us, though before he said he could never be just friends with me. I was not being pushy or clingy, rather I was matching his energy.
I am just confused as his feelings have seemed to change in the matter of days. I respect he wants to be friends with me, but now he says it won’t hurt him at all being friends when a couple of days ago he was ready to date me and had incredibly strong feelings for me. He wants to hang out in the days he is back as friends. What’s your advice? I agreed to the friendship as I do not want to lose the connection we have, friends or not. He said we might be able to try when he is back, but I don't know if that's how he feels. I haven't felt this way before and I wish I could do something to help. I respect his opinions regardless and am giving him all the space.
How can I manifest him to realise what we have and that his feelings do play a role?

I don’t care… at the end of the day we get free goodies… but let’s be real, there could just be a “claim” button at the login screen without having to look through the store to find a “free” item.
Big picture, it is what it is in current gaming… I just felt like shouting into the internet abyss for no reason other than to do it today! 🤷‍♂️
Happy Goblin Hunting!

A detailed introduction will really be a waste of space when it comes to 'Lovely Runner' right now. If 'Seon Jaeya' is not echoing in your ears and if you aren't humming the lyrics of 'Sonagi' in your sleep, dishonour on you, dishonour on your Kdrama ancestors!
Jokes aside, it was wonderful to experience such a beautiful show while it was making history. Usually I am too late to the party and most hyped shows fail to match my expectations . But 'Lovely Runner' has set a new benchmark for me in many aspects. For a show that jumps timelines every two episodes, the fact that we were completely immersed and not confused is a testament to the effort the whole team has put into it. Even though the writing faltered in the second half ( I'm looking at you episode 13) it stayed consistent for most of it and combined with the brilliant performances by the actors, resulted in something special that is already on its way to becoming a classic.
I was amazed by the way the show and the actors handled the different timelines. The way they made us believe in them as teenagers to super popular idols to film producers to detectives have been discussed many times before. Today I just wanted to look at it in the context of the story. From here on it will be filled with spoilers, so if you haven't watched the show yet, now might be a good time to stop reading.
Since we see the story from Sol's point of view, her character feels familiar and same to us throughout the show even though she undergoes considerable character growth. Seon Jae is the main instrument that the writing uses to distinguish the different timelines. By the time the finale rolls in, we pine along with Sol for five different Seon Jaes - the original timeline Seon Jae, the teenage Seon Jae, the Seon Jae that we don't see but hear about when Sol briefly returns, the college Seon Jae and the clueless Seon Jae. It's amazing how the writing distinguishes these different versions as each of these Seon Jaes are living lives that are bound by the consequences of the actions and decisions made in their corresponding timelines.
When we see him for the first time, on the day of the eclipse in 2009, he is excited to start his singing journey. It has been 10 months since the attack on Sol happened. He might have decided to leave the past behind and push ahead as he always did. When the RJ asked him to make a call, he probably made a spur of the moment decision to call Sol because he wanted to check on her and make sure that she was doing alright. But she didn't recognise him and hearing the pain that she was still in, the realisation hit again that he was helpless when it comes to saving her. (Those words affected her so much because they came from his heart and was meant only for her). That might have reopened the wounds and when we see him 14 years later, he is clearly a troubled soul. He is not on good terms with his fellow band members and is probably under medication for depression (as seen by the pills on the hotel room table). His relationship with Sol was not quite love in that timeline. He had a one sided crush on her. SJ is not one to open up about his troubles. Sol basically rammed through his defences when she travelled back for the first time. So in the OG timeline, he probably dealt with the heartbreak of losing his swimming career on his own. On top of that, he had to witness the girl he liked being attacked in front of his eyes. If that is not enough trauma to be in therapy for the rest of one's life, the person he saved cursed him for saving and ruining her life. It's a wonder he still found the strength to go ahead and pursue his dream of becoming an idol. Guilt was probably the driving emotion of his life. Maybe it made the harsh criticism and comments directed towards him from the fans hit harder. I think 'Sonaki' in that timeline is not a love song but a heartbreaking ode to the girl he couldn't save. So when they meet for the first time on that bridge, the light that shines in Sol's eyes are of devotion and in his it is probably relief. He thinks she hasn't changed and seeing her living her life without losing the spark that attracted him in the first place might have alleviated some of the burden on his own soul. (Why did the killer hold such grudge against him and killed him in this timeline though? They met only once!!)
When Sol returns to the present for the first time, she is still wheel chair bound. So the past hasn't changed. Even though we don't see Seon Jae here, he was possibly in a similar mental state because if the first SJ was guilt ridden when he didn't really know her, this SJ already had made memories with her and so it must have hurt especially bad when she cut him out of his life. But he has better relationship with In Hyuk though because he trusted him enough to confide in him that he felt guilty for Sol's fate.
The SJ that Sol meets fifteen years later after successfully changing her own fate is in a much better place. It is probably because he got some kind of closure with Sol. He saved Sol on both occasions and Sol gave him a reason why she couldn't see him anymore. So even though it hurt, he could move on. The pills have changed to multi vitamins and In Hyuk is practically living with him. The news about him having panic attacks that Sol remembers from the OG timeline are just rumours for him.
The college SG is the purest of them all. He had good memories with Sol and he gave her the time and space to heal. His feelings were firmly in the unrequited love (as he believed) territory and once he figured things out and realised that his love might not be a one way street after all, he refuses to back down, consequences be damned. And that's one aspect of his characterization that stood out the most to me. Seon Jae is so open in his affection for Sol and he never bothers to hide it. Instead he declares it boldly any chance he gets. The only thing that will stop him is Sol's no and that right there is a green flag.
The clueless Seon Jae is the most confident of them all. He has no burden (consciously at least) on his soul and is assured in his place in life. I don't think he's an active part of Eclipse in this life since everybody refers to him as actor and there is no Sonagi. Eclipse is seen as separate. He objectively offers to renovate their studio. I think he initially was a member but retired from singing like he wanted to in the first timeline and is focusing on his acting career. Whatever it maybe he has better friendships,seen by the fact that now it is not just In Hyuk that barges into his home unannounced, the whole band is there. He is living a comparatively peaceful life. He might be lonely though.
Sol on the other hand moves through the timelines with her memories relatively intact. Apart from the temporary insanity and stupidity in episode 13, she is a pretty sorted person. She picked herself up from the worst and faced life head on without ever losing the spark of hope. Her journey from a cheerful teenager to a mature person who handled the twists of fate like a pro was done quite convincingly.
Her relationship with Seon Jae progressed slowly from worship to friendship to love. The writing doesn't use definitive events to showcase this change. Instead it uses little moments like the one in the bar when they are sitting together drinking tea and she belatedly remembers that he is no longer just Seon Jae but is a celebrity. The girl deserves a special applause for going from one timeline to next and meeting different versions of Seon Jae without getting whiplash. While years pass for him, for her it's just months.
In addition to the outstanding job done by Woo Seok and Hye Yoon, it is these attention to little details that makes the show even more interesting when you are re-watching it. Here there are no major secondary plot lines to carry the story forward. We spent most of the sixteen plus hours in the company of the lead pair and are still left wanting more. If that's not an indication of things done well, I don't know what is.
There are two plot points that I wish the show handled a bit better. Maybe another post for that. This one is already a bit long. Please feel free to share your favourite little details that you picked up from the show. I'm sure there are many many more because who are we kidding, we are still time travelling right?

For first-time homebuyers looking to enter the real estate market without breaking the bank, there are several affordable options across the country. Here are Three real estate markets that offer great value for first-time buyers:

1. Cincinnati, Ohio: With a median home price below the national average, Cincinnati offers affordability without sacrificing amenities. The city boasts a strong job market, diverse neighborhoods, and a vibrant cultural scene, making it an attractive option for young professionals and families.
2. Kansas City, Missouri: Known for its low cost of living and affordable housing, Kansas City offers a range of options for first-time buyers. From historic homes in charming neighborhoods to modern developments with amenities, there's something for every budget and lifestyle.
3. Tampa, Florida: While Florida may be known for its luxury real estate, Tampa offers affordable options for first-time buyers. The city boasts a thriving economy, beautiful weather, and a variety of housing choices, from condos in downtown to single-family homes in suburban neighborhoods.

These affordable real estate markets provide excellent opportunities for first-time homebuyers to achieve their homeownership dreams without breaking the bank. With affordable housing options, strong job markets, and quality of life amenities, these cities offer great value for those looking to enter the real estate market.

Hey, I have this domain name, LUXCRO.COM, and I'm curious to know what you think of it. It's a 6-letter .com domain that combines the words "luxury" and "Croatia." I'm thinking of using it for a tourism or real estate website. Can you give me your honest opinion on it?

So long story.. My mom has always been dating men and breaking up with them ever since her and my dad got divorced when I was 3. Keep in mind I am about to turn 14 next month so I’ve basically grew up with my mom dating lots of men.
So this time my mom met a guy about.. 3 months ago, yes? And they’ve already been dating, and even sleeping together. (ifykyk) to be honest it just irks me that my mom is doing this. I feel like she’s doing this a little too fast. And here’s the thing, I just met his kids 2 weeks ago and theyve been coming over almost every. Single. Day.
One of them is about to turn 5 and shes very hyper and constantly wants to play, then she proceeds to throw a fit when you refuse kindly. I’m literally about to start highschool and my mom expects me to devote my energy to this random kid who’s not even my family to. Like I have a life, I have friends, its summer. I dont want to spend my whole summer watching/playing with some random ass kid.
I don’t want to be rude but I just dont have the social battery and energy to watch and play with this kid. My older sister is 18 and she’s starting college and she also constantly has to play with the little girl. And each time me and my sister would complain my mom would just say “Shes going to be your stepsister one day! Be nice!”
Like dude you want to marry this guy you met 3 months ago?! And literally in 2 weeks, we have to go on a “family” vacation with my mom’s boyfriend and his kids. (He has 2 kids btw, the 4yo and a 15yo) Like omg. Me and my sister talked to the 15yo and she said that she even thinks they’re speeding the relationship up. So basically what im saying is is that i dont know how to explain to my mom that im not comfortable with this. I dont want to play with the little girl, I want to relax.
Please help me if you know what to do/say. 🙏🏼

I'm a trans woman whose been roleplaying since 2014 and using c.ai since about October of last year. I have a lot of people im closeted to and a few transphobes in my life so I tend to get misgendered and deadnamed a lot so I like to use c.ai (and roleplaying in general for that matter) to cope on really bad dysphoria days. Its pretty pleasant to have these bots who will refer to me as my real gender no strings attached. Its like a form of escapism. Do any other trans people do this or am I just weird like that?

This is something that comes to mind every now and then.
I wonder if WPs can ever actually understand the effect this has on BPs. Part of me thinks if they could get it, they’d have never done it in the first place? Do they ever truly understand how this affects us even months down the line? I feel like this sort of event affects you so deeply that you probably can’t come close to understanding it without being the BP in the situation.
I’m about 7 months after d-day one, and two months after d-day two. I try not to bring it up too often. I guess at times it feels like I’m maybe repeating myself, so it’s not really a productive conversation as much as it is sort of venting? Not through her fault, but more so because I guess there isn’t a whole bunch of new stuff to mention? But yet I still think about it every single day. I guess that’s improvement from every single minute like it was the first few weeks.
I think lately the thoughts have been on the idea of just missing who we were before. Who I was before, when I didn’t feel insecure, when I didn’t feel like I was being compared, when I didn’t feel the anxiety of not knowing what’s actually real. I miss who she was. Or at least the idea of who she was that I had in my mind, before I realized she’s actually a different person. I miss the girl that I thought was perfect and would never in a million years do something like that. I miss when I thought she was nothing but loyal and 100% honest. I miss not having to worry about if there’s anything else I don’t know, whether the affair itself or the other things she hid from me.
I just wish I could go back.

I live with my parents temporarily, only for a few months to save money. My dad works at home as do I. Whenever he’s home I avoid him at all costs. Weekends are harder because my mum is at home too. I don’t have a space for myself unless I confide myself to my room. I often, if not mostly, dodge or ignore appointments. I go for days without picking up my phone and I leave messages, emails unread from all friends, family and colleagues because I’m scared of what they will contain.
I love my family, friends, and my career, but I get so anxious when I am around them in person. I work from home so all my communication with work is digital. It’s very easy for me to shut off from the real world, and now I only leave the house to go to the shops. Honestly I don’t like interacting with other people, no matter who they are

Hello,
I need some exterior advice separate from that of my friends. I will make the story a bit simplified because it doesn't really matter:
I met this guy at a conference I attended (we study the same things), and at the first moment I saw him, there was this spark. I am not easily drawn to men, but with him, it just felt real and this was the first time I have felt this in my life. We couldn't stop staring at each other.
After the day, we connected on LinkedIn (trying to keep it as civil as possible at the conference). From there, we end up texting non-stop, day and night, getting to know each other, sending each other photos. I haven't lost sleep for a guy since I was a teenager. We then met up a few days later as he asked me out. Everything was perfect. He is like the male version of me (we have endless similarities), he is probably the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on, and there is a connection that is undeniable. We spent the evening together (nothing sexual) and he said that he shared mutual feelings regarding our spark, connection, and that he could see this going somewhere serious.
It all happened so quickly. He continued to text me day in and day out. We got very close (but he had to go back home to a different country for a few days). He still texted me showing me around his hometown. He had another trip planned the day after he got back to go on a vacation with his friends, which he is currently on.
Here's the situation: He is going to be away all summer, and is a very logical person, which I respect. He is going to (maybe) be back here depending on if he finds a job here, and said he was interested in dating when he comes back in September should he find a job. We grew our connection so deeply for a while, but he was constantly traveling (he even said to me that he would have rather canceled his trip to be with me and spend the time before he has to move away - I obviously said no). As of two days ago, he still wanted to continue to see me romantically and grow our connection until September.
He then grew cold from thinking his logical side and I believe a bit scared with how fast this was all going and was “scared to be hurt by losing me because he has to go away”. He doesn’t seem to let his feelings take into account any of his decisions. He wants now to remain friends as he does not see a path forward for us, though before he said he could never be just friends with me. I was not being pushy or clingy, rather I was matching his energy.
I am just confused as his feelings have seemed to change in the matter of days. I respect he wants to be friends with me, but now he says it won’t hurt him at all being friends when a couple of days ago he was ready to date me and had incredibly strong feelings for me. He wants to hang out in the days he is back as friends. What’s your advice? I agreed to the friendship as I do not want to lose the connection we have, friends or not. He said we might be able to try when he is back, but I don't know if that's how he feels. I haven't felt this way before and I wish I could do something to help. I respect his opinions regardless and am giving him all the space.