Tingles in feet prednisone

Content Warning: This story contains themes of mental health issues, suicide and physical violence.
Prosopagnosia v. Cotard's Syndrome
My new doctor - a bright and friendly guy named Sarbjit - took the time to explain his diagnosis to me. He told me my condition was mental, not physical, but it was hard to pay attention to everything he said because my left arm was numb and rotting from the inside out. I smiled and nodded and then when I got home I looked up Cotard’s Syndrome online. Here is what Wikipedia had to say on it.
“Cotard's syndrome, also known as ‘Cotard's delusion’ or ‘Walking Corpse Syndrome’, is a rare mental disorder in which the affected person holds the delusional belief that they are dead, do not exist, are putrefying, or have lost their blood or internal organs.”
I don’t know. Sounded extremely strange to me. I just knew my left arm was dying. Maybe my liver too. I used my right arm, the good one, to open my mail. Most of it was just the normal stuff but when I saw the letter from the Supreme Court of the State of New York I got a little worried. I was here legally - a citizen for almost ten years now - and I knew my rights but being summoned to testify at this criminal trial was a bit unnerving. I didn’t like it. I just try to do my best in this life and mind my own business and not cause problems for others.
When my trial appearance date arrived two months later I took the subway downtown and left my assistant, Stavvy, in charge of the office that day. I sat there on a hard wooden bench in the courtroom all morning listening to the testimony of other witnesses but I wasn’t called to the stand until sometime after we returned from lunch. Eventually, the lawyer for the defense called my name.
She mispronounced it of course - people here always mispronounce Albanian names - so I wasn’t surprised when she called me Mister Shka-Rell-Eee. My surname is Shkreli, after the place where my family comes from, and the proper pronunciation contains only two syllables - Shkrell-Eee. I was trying to hold my left arm in place when she asked her opening question.
Where was I at the time of the murder?
“Well, Miss Anderson” - I pronounced it Ahnd-REE-Sawn, drawing out the first and last syllables while placing too much emphasis on the middle one, intentionally - “I am not entirely certain. That was over a year ago and I travel all around this city on a daily basis for my job. I work in computer repair and IT support and I have customers in all five boroughs.” (This wasn’t exactly true. I wasn’t really willing to travel to Staten Island.) We had spoken four months earlier when she informed me of the questions she intended to ask at trial but I was fairly oblique then and I intended to remain so now. I had bigger problems. Could these people not see that my left arm was rotting away?
She looked at me with a furrowed brow and briskly walked back to the defense table, picked up a leather-bound notepad and opened it.
“Mister Shkreli, when you and I spoke on June 18th you confirmed that you were just leaving a client’s office, TRG Commercial Realty, located at 223 Broome Street here in lower Manhattan at approximately 3:30pm that day, shortly before the incident at issue took place less than one block away. Is that not correct?”
I turned up my native eastern European accent a bit and repositioned my left arm in my lap. I could barely feel it at that point. What was wrong with these people?
“If you say so. Like I said, that was over a year ago and it was just another workday for me.”
She stared at me for a beat or two longer than necessary and then flashed a quick look towards the jurors before continuing.
“Well yes, Mister Shkreli” - again it was Shka-Rell-Eee - “You did tell me that and I do have a recording of our conversation, which you consented to before we began, if the court would like this to be entered into evidence?”
She looked at the judge and the judge looked at me.
“Mister Shkreli,” - he too pronounced it Shka-Rell-Eee - ‘Are you refuting the testimony that Miss Anderson is referencing during your preliminary deposition or can we just move on at this point? If counsel for the defense claims to have this recording I am fairly certain this is true. Will it be necessary to enter this recording into evidence at this time or are you willing to acknowledge Miss Anderson’s claim?”
I repositioned my left arm in my lap and nodded.
“That’s fine, Your Honor. As I said, it was just another workday for me but if Miss Anderson says that is what we discussed I am sure she is probably right.”
The judge nodded back at me. “Very good. Let’s proceed then.”
Miss Anderson walked back to the defense table and dropped the leather-bound notepad before continuing with her final question for me, looking annoyed.
“Picking up where we left off, Mister Shkreli, can you please describe for the court what happened immediately after you left the offices of TRG Commercial Realty at 223 Broome Street on the date in question, October 22nd of last year?”
I didn’t like the way that she was trying to fence me in but I wasn't particularly concerned. I had bigger problems.
“Well, like I said, I don’t really remember that day. There was nothing memorable about it. It was just another day.”
She stared at me for a few seconds then flashed a quick look at the jury box with her eyebrows raised before returning her attention to the judge. “No more questions, Your Honor.”
I was dismissed from the stand but asked to remain in the courtroom as she called her next witness; a small, frail woman from Queens about my same age named Maureen Stewart. She had an odd, twitchy nature about her. I wanted to get home. I wanted to relax.
“Miss Stewart, can you please tell the court where you were on October 22nd of last year at approximately 3:30 in the afternoon?”
The witness looked down for a moment and then glanced towards the judge before removing the slightly confused look from her face and responding in a semi-automated tone.
“Yes, Miss Anderson. At that time, I was just leaving my day shift at the FedEx Office Store (she pronounced it ‘Staw’ in her thick New York accent) on Broome Street and I was walking towards the station for the Six Train to begin my ride back home.”
The attorney for the defense took a momentary pause and then asked her next question.
“And can you please tell us what happened then?”
The witness looked down again and then looked back at the judge, then the jury and, finally, at me. I didn’t like the way she looked at me.
“Yes, as I was leaving my workplace I crossed the street and I remember walking past the entrance to a narrow alleyway where I heard a commotion taking place. It made me stop and look for a second or two but I didn’t want to get involved so I just kept on walking towards the subway and I didn’t think too much about the whole thing until the Homicide detectives contacted me a few days later after they pulled the security camera videos. I came down to the police station the day after that and gave my statement. That was just over a year ago.”
Miss Anderson took a moment to stare at me. I didn’t like that either. I adjusted my left arm in my lap. It was completely numb.
“Thank you, Miss Stewart. Can you please be a bit more specific about what you saw occurring in that alleyway?”
Again, the witness looked down at the floor and then her eyes shot all around the courtroom before she responded.
“Well,” she said, before taking a brief pause. “At first I thought it was just a little scuffle but when I saw the shorter man in the black jacket punch the tall man in the belly a few times I saw some blood starting to spread on the side of his white button-down shirt and I saw what looked like a small knife or something in the shorter man’s hand. The tall thin man looked like he was starting to fall. I remember looking around for a police officer but I certainly wasn’t gonna do anything about it by myself. I mean, what could I do? When I didn’t see no one who could help I just kept on walking towards the subway. I guess I should have done more but I was scared and I just wanted to get back to Forest Hills to pick up my daughter from daycare before five o’clock.”
I glanced at the defendant seated at the table on the left. He looked both hopeful and nervous at the same time, but in a subtle way, like he didn’t want to appear to be either. He kept his head down and never once glanced towards the jury box. Miss Anderson asked her final question.
“Thank you, Miss Stewart. And do you see the man in the black jacket who stabbed the victim, Mister Baronston, on that day last October here in the courtroom now?”
Again the witness looked down at the floor between her feet for a moment and then looked back up, right at me. I felt my blood stop flowing through my veins, or at least through my left arm and the top of my right leg, when she raised up her hand and pointed her index finger at me.
“It was that man, there,” she said.
Miss Anderson nodded and paused for a moment, satisfied, letting it sink in for the jury members. I was stunned. The stylish defense attorney in the toney, expensive clothing began walking back in my direction and she too pointed an accusatory finger.
“If it pleases the court, let the record show that Miss Stewart has identified Mister Jack Shkreli as the attacker who she witnessed in the-”
Just then the witness on the stand, Miss Stewart, pointed her finger at the judge without really looking at him and suddenly blurted out, “Or him. It might have been him too. I’m not 100% sure...”
Miss Anderson paused, clearly nonplussed, and just stared at her witness. The judge also looked baffled for a second or two and then leaned over and whispered something to his court assistant and the two of them shared a quiet smirk.
Then the witness pointed at one of the jurors, a man in the front row about my size.
“Or him. It could have been him. I’m just not sure...” Then she went silent, as did the rest of the courtroom for a few moments. The State’s Attorney, a heavy-set bald man, broke the silence pretty quickly as he rose to his feet.
“Your Honor, the State would like to move to dismiss this witness along with all previous testimony.” He paused briefly and took a deep breath, choosing his next words.
“While we appreciate Miss Stewart’s willingness to appear at trial today, I think it’s clear that her recollection of events is…uncertain at best.” He glared at the defense table for a moment, then added “I’d just like to remind the court that Mister Shkreli” - and God bless him, he pronounced my two-syllable surname correctly - “is not on trial here and if this witness cannot distinguish the man she saw that day from yourself or a random member of our jury panel I don’t think we can accept this testimony or any further testimony from this witness.”
He hung his head respectfully, with the tiniest little smile on his face. He already knew he had won this argument and the judge quickly agreed, telling the jury to disregard what they just heard. Miss Stewart was dismissed from the stand and the defense had no other witnesses left to call. Less than two hours later the jury returned a guilty verdict against the defendant on all counts and the courtroom was cleared. The sentencing hearing would take place at a later date and I was not required to be there. My right leg was starting to feel numb by then but I still managed to get back to the office in time for Stavvy to head home at the end of his shift to make dinner for his kids. His wife was killed in a car accident two years earlier. He was a hard worker and I really liked him.
That night, back at my apartment, I did some research online and learned about a rare mental disorder known as Prosopagnosia. Here is what Wikipedia had to say.
Prosopagnosia, also known as face blindness, is a cognitive disorder of face perception in which the ability to recognize familiar faces, including one's own face (self-recognition), is impaired, while other aspects of visual processing (e.g. object discrimination) and intellectual functioning remain intact.
It all sounded pretty strange to me but if the doctors say it’s real who am I to argue? Apparently it is well documented in the DSM-5. I don’t know if this is the reason why I was able to walk away from the courtroom without consequence at first but I think it is the most likely explanation. I only know that when I left my client’s offices at TRG Commercial Realty on that day just over a year ago and hailed a cab I was stunned and confused when Mister Baronston, a complete stranger with a hostile face, suddenly attacked me, claiming that it was his cab and not mine.
He was bigger than me, tall and thin but strong, and I would have just given up the cab and caught the next one but he was clearly already very angry about something. When he backed me towards the alley, shoving me and then punching me around my head and neck, my backpack tumbled open and I saw my wallet and phone and some other items come crashing out onto the pavement. It was just a stupid and unnecessary altercation, the kind of thing that probably happens on the streets of this city every day, sadly. Too many people, not enough space. I did my best to fight back and protect myself but he was a good deal bigger than me.
Then I was getting punched some more and thrown against the alley wall as people passed by, disinterested, and I just instinctively reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out the pen knife that has been attached to my keychain for years. Before I really knew what was happening it was open and then my right hand was growing warm and red and slick with his blood. Then I was moving again, not looking back.
What an odd thing. I remember seeing Miss Stewart stopping there on the sidewalk to look from the mouth of the alley that day. Of all the passers-by, she was the only one who paused to look at us, at me, right as I desperately punctured Mister Baronston’s rib cage for the fifth or sixth time with my little penknife and he began to drop, but she averted her gaze after a few seconds and moved on and then I was rapidly heading in the opposite direction. This is a huge city and I never expected to see her face again. Fortunately, she was apparently never really able to see mine.
Anyway, I have more important problems to worry about at this time. Stavvy received a letter from the Manhattan DA’s office yesterday ordering him to appear at a grand jury hearing next month related to my involvement in Mister Baronston’s death. He showed it to me. More importantly, my left arm is just about gone now, my right leg is quickly starting to feel the same way and in just the last day or two I have begun feeling that strange tingling sensation in the tips of the fingers on my right hand. I know my liver is failing. It won’t be long now.
I scheduled a meeting with my lawyer in the morning to legally put the business and the rest of my assets in Stavvy’s name in my will. I have no family here anyway and almost no relatives who I remain close with back in Albania or Montenegro anymore. Stavvy is a good man and he has kids to feed and I have already lived a full life.
So yes, I will just leave it all to him and after that’s done I think I will get the old Ford minivan that we sometimes still use for the business and drive it out to the George Washington Bridge while I am still able. I know that when I stop it and get out and leave it there on the center-span I will screw up traffic badly and inconvenience a lot of people but I can’t worry about that. I have to do what I have to do. There’s no point in waiting for this to get worse. I can barely feel the fingers on my right hand and I don’t have much time left.
Maybe I should have told the truth at the trial. I don’t know. I think I was just too distracted by all of my health problems. I didn’t really have any choice at the time. I don’t have any choice now. I’m actually surprised that I lasted this long. I was certain that I would already be gone a few months ago but I feel I have done my best with this life.
As my people back in Albania say, Mos pyet si vdiq, por si rrojti!
“Do not ask how he died, but how he lived!”
THE END

I had an exposure on April 16th with an ex boss of mine from Amazon. I’m having the worst anxiety. I was very stupid and irresponsible by trusting him and taking off the condom. After my period the symptoms started I felt like tingling in my fingers and feet and all over my body. My stool also was foamy and I had diarrhea for a couple of days but it went back to normal but the smell to it is different. I also have oral thrush not on my tongue but in the back of my throat I have white stuff and pharyngitis. My body also felt hot like I had an internal fever. I felt something also spread into my cervix it was like a vibration sensation. About a month after the exposure I went to the doctors to get an STD test I’m not sure how accurate the 4th generation test is after a month which is why I’m so worried. I’m going back to get tested June 26th. But I don’t know what to think. Some other symptoms I currently having are some muscle pain and random red dots on my stomach. I also have a rash on my back it burned but didn’t itch. And a rash on my inner thigh.

Low white blood count.
I have iron deficiency anemia . I had gastric bypass a few years ago, started infusions felt fine. Last week I threw up I thought it was due to being dehydrated and working out (picked that up in the past week) my body is also sore due to workouts. Today though, I’m nauseous again almost threw up. Dizzy and lightheaded with ear and head pain. I recently had a blood lab done because I get infusions at the end of the month but everything is in normal range except wbc and absolute neutrophils. Which are both low, wbc 3.6 and absolute neutrophils 1.4.
Recently my fingers are tingling, legs and feet hurt. I’ve been ice cold! Everyone in my family are usually comfortable in temperature, I’ve been freezing!! I start a new pcp Tuesday I’ll bring this up then but in the mean time my hematologist said one wbc isn’t cause for concern.
Saw a new OB, got tested even tho I’m married (you never know) all stds are negative including hiv and hepatitis but I did get bacterial vaginosis.. just recently had yeast infection Due to amoxicillin from trying to prevent strep throat since my husband had it, didn’t want to pass to our kids. I’m fatigued but not lay in bed all day do nothing fatigue. Just slightly more tired than usual. Any one experience this?? Just a little worried. Reading Google and lupus and bone marrow cancer came up as causes which both run in my family 😩

Low white blood count.
I have iron deficiency anemia . I had gastric bypass a few years ago, started infusions felt fine. Last week I threw up I thought it was due to being dehydrated and working out (picked that up in the past week) my body is also sore due to workouts. Today though, I’m nauseous again almost threw up. Dizzy and lightheaded with ear and head pain. I recently had a blood lab done because I get infusions at the end of the month but everything is in normal range except wbc and absolute neutrophils. Which are both low, wbc 3.6 and absolute neutrophils 1.4.
Recently my fingers are tingling, legs and feet hurt. I’ve been ice cold! Everyone in my family are usually comfortable in temperature, I’ve been freezing!! I start a new pcp Tuesday I’ll bring this up then but in the mean time my hematologist said one wbc isn’t cause for concern.
Saw a new OB, got tested even tho I’m married (you never know) all stds are negative including hiv and hepatitis but I did get bacterial vaginosis.. just recently had yeast infection Due to amoxicillin from trying to prevent strep throat since my husband had it, didn’t want to pass to our kids. I’m fatigued but not lay in bed all day do nothing fatigue. Just slightly more tired than usual. Any one experience this?? Just a little worried. Reading Google and lupus and bone marrow cancer came up as causes which both run in my family 😩

Warning, Before I continue. This post will contain information on mental health that could be disturbing to some readers
First time here and on Reddit. Someone (no reason to name them) had explained how they stopped their CGRP mAb treatment after just an initial loading dose. This was enough for them, they were convinced the headaches were gone against medical advice - and ended treatment. First things first, in the case of intractable chronic migraine sufferers CGRP mAbs generally take at least 6 months to have their intended effect. Coincidentally the average one, beit Emgality, Ajovy what-have-you takes 5/6 months to completely clear your system. You may have the worst Migraine relapse after that period to end treatment prematurely AMA is probably not the best idea. Recently being more talked about in the medical community is the national guideline of withdrawing patients from CGRP therapies after 6-12 months if migraine days are brought to 3 or less a month.
The AHA recently released newer guidelines that instructed gepants can be used as preventatives alongside mAbs - which should make getting them insured both easier. Last year was generally one or the other. Quilipta also had better data in its clinical trials than Nurtec, just an FYI. Take my post as a cautionary tale of what can go wrong and how it always can be worse. I'll cover myself quickly perhaps my story, what I have tried will help - maybe it won't. Maybe you will get a tip or two or not. My headaches, if you could call them started when I was 25, on my birthday lol. No shit, literally like a curse from the universe or something. I might have remembered cursing god. I had no medical history related to any of the above, was health otherwise healthy. A few days prior my Urologist prescribed Levaquin for a UTI. I didn't know that 10 years later that drug would be littered with side effects for nerve damage.
Several days after being on the drug I am in the ER. Head pain, neck pain, eye pain, vomiting, etc... the hospital later admits me to a psych ward. They can find nothing wrong with me. In a psyche ward I am interviewed by a psychiatrist, who is convinced (his words) "I am not crazy" he asks Neurologists at the same hospital to visit. I don't recall much of that time it is a blur, at one point my roommate said, "He tried to rip his eye out" waking me up at 2:00 am. The staff gave me tramadol I think, and I fell asleep. 10 Neurologists were looking at me the next morning over my bed - lol. I remember waking up to that or something. I'd later be told I had three traumatic brain injuries, trigeminal neuralgia, occipital neuralgia, cluster headaches, cervical stenosis, and migraine (give or take 9 years for all of it). Now I am not sure how much of that overlaps might be a misdiagnosis (clustemigraine) or not.
I've had four craniotomies. Two microvascular decompressions on the left side of my head, and two on the right. Been to Barrow Brain and Spine, Mayo, and Cornell in NY where I also now live. This included four suicide attempts and many hospitalizations. At one stage I became so desperate I administered research drugs on myself in an attempt to improve my condition only made things worse by injecting unapproved chemicals into my ears nasal passages, and massater muscles, and attempting to in my SPG ganglion. In closing, as far as CGRP mAbs are concerned last year I had my last two MVDs at Cornell (I am not on social media) during this my Nurologist decided to discontinue my CGRP inhibitors. I can only describe what was the worst, burning - fire-like intense pain all over my entire head in my eyeballs 24/7 from morning to night.
I couldn't sleep. I got on a flight from NY to AZ and sat in a plane seat for 6 hours contemplating death at 30,000 feet. It was the most intense pain I have ever felt. My hand once caught on fire, it felt like that, but inside and all over my entire head. When I landed I went straight to a Hospital and was told "go back on your Migraine meds". The point is, don't stop those suckers unless you know for sure you have stuff under control. I take Ajovy and Quilipta and am slowly but surely gaining control again. I feel pain and then tingling or "Aura" all over my body but it seems to have eliminated the majority of what's in my face. It's sensations from my head to my toes - yep I get uncomfortable pain-like sensations in my private parts. My neck is tight, like turn your shoulders tight, why bother turning my neck - tight.
My theory on reversing this is Botoxing the shit out of the muscles I likely overgrew (Botox indirectly causes Atrophy to the muscles it is injected in) and multiple plastic surgeries in the affected areas. I am not sure why I get sensations in the rest of my body, fingers crossed on that one. I'm pending a Migraine Surgery. My surgeon and I agree'd we would target every trigger point of the face. More info on those: Migraine Surgery NYC Mount Sinai - New York

I dont know who will read this, but i just have to get this off my chest.
TL:DR at bottom
A bit of a backstory: I am 19 right now. 11 days from 20. During my life, i have had it all. The best family behind me anyone could ever ask for. They raised me well, gave me all the support and love humanly possible.
I grew up in an eastern european smalltown, been always above average, and slightly autistic at least, lets admit it. The typical gifted white suburban kid syndrome: never ever ran into problems during my life, everything seemd straight forward, always knew what i shold do with my life. During my blunder years, i have developed some pretty bad traits: a never had to struggle in my life for anything. Every single thing was handed to me on a silver plate. I really am just the luckiest person alive: always done well mentally, academically, and socially. Read the book once before when the teacher said put away your books, aced every exam still, after elementary(8 years here), got accepted to one of the best middle school of my country.
Experienced all the perks of middle school and the freedom of doing whatever the fuck you want during the stupidest years of your life, 15-19. And i did. Of course, procrastinating and not giving a fuck have not lifted me above average as in elementary, but i was still in the middle of the group. Again: everything others sweated blood for, handed to me on a silver plate. Straight goals in my life, stable personality, many friends, altough i still had my innocent nerdy kid persona, which was challenged majorly during the primal environment of a middle school coeducated dorm, but was never particularly bullied, countless friends and family, support and appreciation for who i was, altough i was just being as stupid as a middleschooler is.
Then covid came, and it somehow turned everything around. Not so many friends, no such concrete stable confidence, still being a lazy fucker who somehow lucked his way through everything. also during this time, i kinda started falling off, got into weed, not jsut alcohol, started going out and socialising less, falling off, but i had a great time, thinking about those times fondly, altough not so dearly. Rocked my way through the end exams of middle school with some last minute studying, i mean i absolutely still pulled from my little finger what others couldn't with teeth, tears and blood: got accepted into university as a dentist, still feeling like i am the top of the word.
During the last true summer break of my life, i started doing food delivery. 11:30am till 22-23:00 pm sometimes. During this time, the penjamin really took off in my country, weed being illegal but alternatives, such as Hexahidrocannabinol (HHC) being legal, available in a pen, just like an Elfbar: no neet to sneak out, to talk with the plug(some of you know arranging a meeting with those fuckers isnt as easy as it seems at all lmao), just getting high while laying in my bed. During this time, my weed addiction spiralled out of control, i got high every single night, this being my "well deserved downtime": just existing in my own little world in my bed, for 2 months. Those 4 years really did turned my personality to someone who isn't fit for a course that puts "Dr." in front of your name, this wil be important later.
Before the university, there is a social event hosted for us juniors called "junior camp", where you really are supposed to meet new people, and lay the basis of your entire uvicersity social life. And i took the penjamin(like 4th one in 2 months) with me. Now for those of you who dont know, weed can be a nice social drug, taken with moderation. If you get "schwasted, wake n baked" every day, the devils lettuce really puts you into your own world. No ambitions, no will to progress, just existing in your own little world, being fine as fuck with things as it is. Still had the best memory of my life though: being high as fuck in a water park they organised for us, literally youngsters in their prime, like 1500 of us, just being ourselves in the biggest pool party of the country. What i spent it doing: weed and cigarette breaks, taking slides, which literally felt like descending to hell, and walking around, aimlessly, not giving a fuck about the 1,5k people who came here to meet me and socialise, barely communicating with them, floating in my own world. This, and watching tje closing firework while being high are the best memories of my life until this day, guys if you can, take water slides and watch fireworks while being high, its definitely worth it.
And then came the first oath to myself that I've broken since then: that i will do a conversion of Paul, really focusing on the most important thing in my life: becoming a dentist, which is, besides helping people, is a ticket on first class to upper middle class, for someone from a bloodline of the poorest eastern european easants you can imagine. It takes 4 generations to break out of poverty, and i am the 4th. All the blood and sweat of my ancestors who worked their asses out, slaving away for the communist, them capitalist system, only for their kids to someday, amybe havve the chance i do hae right, now, and I am currently fucking up.
Now for those of you who dont know, university really is the most liberal form of education on the planet: you finally get your own timetable, the only mandatory attendance being the "practices", which you could just get through without putting anything on the table, and the lectures where they actually teach you university shit, not having a mandatory attendance, so who gives a fuck?
This gets us to the University: the first 2 weeks, i was being the typical student: al the lectures, learning from day to day, putting myself there in possibly the most alien environment i have ever been during my life. And turns out, i wasn't ready for the maturity and devotion a serious practice like dentistry takes. Man, i will literally be healing other people, everyones been to the dentist, and to get there, standing above your open mouth: Thats not something what is handed on a silver plate. No matter how smart, gifted, or special you think you are: this will only be achieved with tooth and nails. And i wasn't ready, not the slightest.
This is the point where i really started descending to the level of a fast food worker(no offence, which i was too): the first 3 months can be described with one word: Weed. no studying at all, just smoking that shit, feeling the buzz, it got to the point where i couldnt fall asleep without being hihg. Quite literally, i couldn'T imagine laying in bed, just...laying. IN november, i had it all came down on me, had a small breakdown, took the second oath i have broken: that i will change. This was the 11th of November, 2023
I cut back on weed, started attending lectures, realised that i have no fucking idea what the fuck are they talking about, so whats the point of attending? 3 more weks, sometimes begging to 5-6 different plugs, just to get my dose. Then came the so-called "exam period": where they excpt you to account for what you have "learned" during the "period of diligence". Of course, you can ace all your exams in literally 2 weeks, but for me, i was at diggind the foundation, while others were building the roof, already.
3rd oath: i will put my best, really gonna study my ass off for this one, having no plans whatsoever, just getting through somehow, like i always did. I think this is the time where i have made the first real steps towards maturity: admitting my parents that i havent done shit, and the chance of failure is around 90%. They gave me the encouragement i needed, realy got back on track, and pulled my first half year. So much so, that i got a study scholarship: 13k HUF, 36 USD/month, lower middle class scholarship, but still, that meant im in the top 10 percent of students. Yet again, by partying all yer, doing everything in the last moments.
4th oath: after these few weeks of hell, i will really put myself there, study as the year goes along, being ready and up-to*date with everything. Like the adult i am
For 1 week, this really worked out. studies for hours every day, being with my "new friends": fellow dental students, whom i had a really good start with, but now, arent really close pals. They have had a complete change, a real 180 in their life: being out in a new environment, gangs and friend groups really started forming, and i was there sometimes, having a blast with them, but you know: not really a part of the gang, just the chill, stoner, pretty stupid streets dude, never being up to date, never really giving a serious fuck about them, still smoking weed and drinking with my old middleschool friends. They naturally started inviting me less and less, and slowly fell into the group of a workplace friend, who you really dont just meet after work, you know. Now this might just be my insecurity speaking, i literally have a 2 week vacation fixated with them to the beaches of Croatia, but yeah, just a chill dude whos around sometimes, not *the gang*
And then came the wrost 6 weeks of my life. During my all afternoon studying sessions, i started noticing a slight tingling in my legs and feet, and my visual snow, which ive always had for some degree, starting putting itself into second gear. I even jokingly told one of my friends who happened to study with me: "Man, i might have gotten some real nerve damage from all the weed and fake penjamins, a-ha-ha".
During the next few days, hell unfolded: imagine the worst kind of buzzing, not the gentle weed buzzingm but a genuinely alarming one, an impending sense of doom, and pretty serious unvellness: during an anatomy lecture about the cranial nerves. Figured a snus might help: stuffed a Killa cold mint(european snus is generally stronger than Zyn, this particular one being 4times as strong as the stongrst Zyn, and its still pretty mid in eastern europe lmao). Hell broke loose. If you are familiar with trip reports, i have went trhough something very similar to a bad trip, almost had to run out of the lecture, in front of the teacher and 60 of my classmates beceuse i genuinely thought im gonna die. Went out after surbibing the lecture, ambling around for 2 hours, walking to a pharmacy 45 minutes away and back, speaking with my parents, being in a complete panic which just made things worse.
This went on for a week, then i got to the doctor. The anatomy practice was always the low point: the best teacher of the institute explaining how a human body works, and i was shaking in a corner, not falling into the deepest panic attack i have ever had was taking up all my energy. Drumming with my leg,s counting the tiles on the floor again and again, not paying attention about some of the most important words ever said to me in my life. Went to the doctor that friday finally, and got good words that i am really studying anatomy, i must have known that the innervation of the top of the limbs and and the feet are completely different, so my CNS works just fine, but im describing the most common symptoms of stress induced anxiety. Also told him about my ever worsening visual snow: imagine those old TV-s who had no signal, and displayed what we called "ant football". That is my life, especially when i look at the sky, which was a thing i admired dearly: The giant cloud, not abstructed by any mountain, flowing, and ever changing, still are the most beautiful thing for me, compared with the mind.blowing sunsets we have here, in the great plains. Being robbed of that put me even deeper. The 75mg pregabalin i got described, once a day and night, havent done anything at all. INstead, they amplified my brain fog, the tingling and buzzling, and the feeling of looming dread. I havent known this at the time, so sometimes i took my daily two before the anatomy sessions, which made them truly like hell. Having to walk out multiple times in a span of 1,5 hours of the lesson, just to simply breathe. If someone closed the door of the dissecting room, all hell broke loose, i couldn't breathe. I was bumping into people on the way there and back, being so disoriented due to basically being drugged. Talked about my mother about this, she went through literally the same hell, while attempting university, just like his brother, my Godfather, who was a border guard during the East-German refugee crysis, having to shoot live munition centimeters in front of the feet of pregnant women during the fall of the iron courtain. And this was a true and horrific mental breakdown, a literal *Idegösszeomlás*, akai burnout
So long story short: missed the most crucial 8 weeks of the semester, where we were told in the beginning: if you miss a week, you are done for. The last parts of the period of diligence were spent studying like hell, with my symptoms greatly improvving: attended parties with the dentist gang, smoked weed again, and just laid the foundations for the period of exams, actually studying like hell, like i always wanted to, AND I STILL ACED IT, but with the looming over me the sword of damocles.
Now thinking back, i could've made it. I really cold have. I still can. I completed every single subject i could in the diligence period, cell biology being the hardest, I barely passed that subject with a "2", basically a B-, this will be very important later. The last exam date is at the 7th of july, but with 6 weeks for only the anatomy, and basically the chemistry of 5 years, thats should be enough, eh? Yeaahh, yet another broken oath, spent a week doing nothing, weed, youtube, and old friends, while everyone leraned their asses off. Started learning too, and i took it seriously. But any students, you know how it is:

alarm set at 7:30 am.
10 minutes of snooze, every single day, the next time i wake up more rested than i should have been after 10 minutes, i check the clock, 8:50AM.
Awesome, get out of bed and shower. Check the time again: 11AM.
Cool, the whole day ahead of me. Just a siiiingle youtube video, while i pass the morning fatigue and the rapid morning hearthbeat of 5 years of chainsmoking, yet another amazing dedication of my life.
Then its 12AM, time to dinner! Post dinner fatigue is exactly a 30min video, 12:30PM, imma begin studying.
Next time i look at the clok, its 14:27. I really lock in until 6pm, then my parents cone home. I talk with them for what feels like 20-25 minutes.
Look at the clock again. 20:21PM. How the fuck did the whole fucking day passed again? i truly lock in for the rest of the day
23:35, i can't anymore. Starting to watch trash streams on youtube, braincells dying every second
Time spent with studying: 2-3 hours.
Every. Single. Fucking. Day.

Then i got the worst news i have ever gotten
Decided to check into the E-uni managament system of my country. "You have an offered grade, you can accept it *here*. Click link. "you can't accept, you have an exam applification of this subject". So this was the first semester where they made the application to the different exams at different dates open at March instead of the end of May, so students can "pre-plan their whole semester", the backstory of this is some uni drama equal in lenght of this post *hungarian text-* (Akinek esetleg volt dolga a Debreceni Egyetem Anatómiai-, Szövet-, és Fejlődéstani intézetével, az pontosan tudja miről beszélek lmao, a többiek úgysem értenék, H***igeci),
So, remember about my offered grade about cell biology? Wel, you have to accept it, because it LITERALLY MEANS THEY OFFERED IT AND YOU CAN DECLINE IT, this is stragiht up ez shit, of course who was the hero, who forgot to do this 5 seconds thing? My pretty faced self. All the while having an exam booked for the 28th of may, which obviously had passed, and i jsut realized this now, because the university e-administration site, which you should check every day for like 10 times, havent been opened by me for a month. And in my country, no matter what grade you get offered, if you take an exam and dont attend, thats automatically a failure overwriting literally any grade you had before. And i really put in the work. Really did got the offered grade, which means 55% on 2 intersemester exams, which both of them are hell. And all undone because im too fucking lazy and stupid to open a fucking website. Because i havent declined the offered grade, and this is the first year they implemented the early exam booking, i still have hope that the email i have written towards Students affairs will have an effect, and i will be able to accept the offered grade. We are talking about a subject where if you do have to take the exam, there is a 90% failure rate. 90. fucking. percent. I have 1 month to learn the Central Nervous System(at least i know that mostly by now), and the complete human body as it is from the shoulders upwards, embriology, histology of the semester, and 1 ENTIRE YEAR of university level chenistry. Im fucked already as it is, cell biology by itself would take 3 weeks of no life learning JUST TO HAVE A CHANCE, which i have completed, and willingly, and ignorantly have thrown away.
What happens if i fail? Well, the state pays 12 active and 3 passive semester. The course is 10 semesters, so i can passivate and then retry, and still have a chance like this once more, before falling out of State Sponsored Scholarship. A semester is 1,3 million HUF, 5 months on minimum wage if you dont eat, sleep, and save 100%. PER SEMESTER. So the world wont collapse, buti would lose everyone i met during university, dropping to a class of strangers, being the failed kid, so laying the path from the best kinda uni life to the worst, in terms of connections and social life. My family knows about my mental health, even my conserative KGB grandparents are very supportive, but i wouldn't be able to stand the shame myseelf.
Had an eye watering hours long convo with a genuine friend about my life, and that made me realise im still aint shit, things reall have to change. this is why im typing this, mainly for my own self. As the first page of a diary im planning on starting, to never forget the feeling of being in the literal bottom right now. I dont except anyone to read this, idk why im even posting this, i dont even except any advice, but ofc if you have made it this far, thank you for dwelving into the life of a hungarian smalltown trash, hope you can learn
Not gonna reread this fucking yapping, sry for the typos and language, english isn't my first one
So this was it guys, my Magnum Opus of literature, the biggest yapping session of my life so far. Still spent 1,5 hours typing this even on my pc, instead of studdying, on 1,5mg alprazolam(xanax benzo), about to smoke a jo. Yet another broken oath
TL:DR: Failed to mature up for a hardcore branch of university, and a silly mistake will destroy my entire semester, and im still not studying, typing this

After a back injury a few years ago to my L4-5 and 5-S1 discs where i developed bulges, I had sciatica going down both legs, feeling like constant little shooting electricity pains here and there. all the way to the bottom of my feet and toes. I did have some shooting pain down my arms, but that settled after a few weeks after the injury and neck scan didn’t show anything. The sciatica in my legs eventually settled down after about four months and only started up again if I bent weirdly or jumped or something. Earlier this week, about five days ago, I got a vaccine. (HPV). The next day I started to feel really bad sciatica again, exactly like the little electricity, shooting pains again, in both legs this time I’m feeling in areas that I didn’t really feel it in last time given the levels where my bulges are (e.g front of the thigh, as I believe this is not L4-5-S1.) i’m also feeling it in my arms, sometimes too, but not as often. Has anyone had an adverse reaction to a vaccine like this? Could it be just inflammation of my existing injury???? I don’t have any other symptoms, no numbness or tingling. Thanks so much!!!

Hey all,
Long post so I appreciate you taking the time to read it.
I'm 2018 I started developing headaches, vertigo etc. I went to the hospital and they told me it was migraines. 6 months later, I was in the exact same spot. Went back.. got diagnosed with chiari malformation. Ever since then, I had a hard time trusting doctors. I had a big surgery to fix it, but right after I saw MND in the news a lot and I was crazy weak after my surgery. I started obsessing about it. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I started twitching like crazy. I told myself I'm dying .. it's MND. Went to see a neurologist, he did tests to rule out MND and said it was benign. I was put on Duloxetine - heavy dose. With the diagnosis and meds I got better.
Fast forward 5 years .. last year I finally decided to have my ACL reconstruction. It didn't go as I hoped. Bunch of scar tissue built up. Had a follow up surgery to clear the scar tissue and it came right back. It was a tough time .. I was down, freaking out again. In December of last year I started developing issues with my eyes .. floaters, double vision, issues seeing at night. I started freaking out .. I thought I was going blind. Self diagnosing. Officially diagnosed with visual snow syndrome but it took its toll on me.
At the time I was also diagnosed with ADHD and my doctor put me on Adderall. Not sure if that was the trigger, but I started noticing shooting sharp pains in my toes. My feet and hands would be cold all the time.. taking anything out of the fridge felt like putting my hands on ice. I was hitting the gym hard, lifting heavy.
I did notice an increase in twitches. I ignored it but started noticing other things. Muscles aching .. I thought it was just the Aderall. The nerve pains in my toes started to increase and I started to get tingling in my feet. I came off Aderall. Doctor also asked me to come off Duloxetine which I was taking for a month because of the stress. I started noticing muscle stiffness when taking Adderall and working out. My right forearm gets super tight working out. I would get horrible cramps. With each passing day I've noticed fluttering twitches in my feet. Lots of electric like static in my feet. Best way I could describe it is like being hooked up to electricity. I made an appointment with a good neurologist but it's in September.
Well a few days ago a rugby star my age died from MND. My mind just completely lost it. Twitches are like crazy. The toe in my left big toe feels like it's going numb. I have to wear flip flops because it's so uncomfortable to walk on my feet with the constant buzzing. Pads on my feet hurt. I stopped going to the gym to see if it helps the pain but the pain seems to be progressing. Crazy amount of popping from every joint in my body. One of the worst ones is my jaw .. hurts and twitches after eating.
I spent too much time googling my symptoms and MND. Watching videos of MND twitches, driving myself crazy. With each passing day I go to bed feeling like it would be better if I don't wake up in the morning. More twitches, more pain. I'm strong, muscular. Go to the gym and lift heavy. This week I was able to grab a pier and pull a boat towards it with just my fingers. I don't notice any muscle loss. Obsessing through Google leads me to MND or BFS. I hope it's BFS but with each day I lose my will to live. I came across this thread and reading your stories reassured me but then the fear comes right back. Just had bloodwork done - vitamin D defficiency, everything looks good. Started taking vitamin last week. The 3 month wait until I see a neurologist is going to drive me crazy.
I wanted to reach out to see if anyone out there went through the same and came out better on the other side of the tunnel. I'm 32, active and I convinced myself I'm dying. I feel more pain and twitching every day over the past 2 months. I don't know where else to turn. Today I've been sitting here how I'm going to tell my parents when I get my MND diagnosis, but also went to the gym, pushed through pain with my wife and I can still lift heavy. I need someone to tell me there's brighter days ahead because I've lost all hope.

Hello there,
Age 36. Heigh 5,6. Weight 9 stone 8. U.K. based.
For around 4 weeks now I've been getting pulsatille tinnitus. It comes and goes - sometimes it's hardly there, but other's is very bothersome and loud. The sound is a rhythmic wooshing in my right ear.
I've also noticed quite a bit of head and neck tension, sinus headaches, general heacaches. I know I have two wisdom teeth coming through, and I grind my teeth at night/generally carry tension in my jaw and mouth, so i've been putting it down to that. I also do suffer with severe anxiety.
Recently I've been massaing my neck to try and relax and, because I'm trying to 'feel'for what's there, I've noticed a hard, knotty lump just under my jaw, between my ear and my jaw, and just a little further down closer to the vein, when I press in. The lump feels bony and quite sore (even more sore now I've prodded and poked it) --- I'm just wondering what this coud be. I'm very worried it could be a cancerous lump - I keep ready hard and bony lumps tend to be malignant.
I was recently diagnosed with a hiatus hernia, and sometimes get tingling in hands, feet, arms, face...not sure if this is anxiety either, or related to the lump.
Thank you
Helen

Hey all! I've taken phentermine alone in the past 8mg... all the way up to 30mg in the past...(short term) mainted the weight off for about 2 yrs...had a major surgery and gained all the weight back (and more) and havent been able to lose it again so I was put back on phentermine 15mg but this time around with 25mg of topiramate....i was advised that it may cause numbness and tingling for a few days but to push through it cuz it would eventually go away, but how long before it goes away? Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, for how long? It's weird to have tingly hands and feet at random times of the day....this is only day 3... I'm already seeing results, but idk how i feel about this, though...any suggestions/ recommendations?

35F, African American, 5'6, 167lbs. Recent diagnosis of Myasthenia Gravis (LRP4+) and Asthma. GERD. Possible G6PD.
This is a very long post but I am trying to be as thorough as possible as a lot of things seem to be going wrong at once.
I was hospitalized two weeks ago for myasthenic crisis and allergic reactions where I was treated with bipap and 4 days of IVIG along with starting new allergy meds. While admitted the nurses had to use epinephrine three times due to bizzare anaphylactic reactions I suddenly started having to things like eggs, sausage and jello (this began before the hospital admission during may) and worsening asthma. Twice they used the epipen and I was totally fine but last week wednesday i had a secondary episode in the same day and was having stridor and struggled really bad to breathe with my tongue hanging out and unable to say more than 2 words without breathing so a nurse put epinephrine from a vial into my arm IV line and I immediately got the worst headache of my life. 10/10 pain. I was writhing in the bed uncontrollably, threw up, and all i could do was cry and moan until they gave me IV toradol. They said my BP shot up to 200something and they were gonna give me something to bring it down but it went down on its own after a few minutes to the 150s and then lower 20 minutes later. I don't remember the exact amount because I was in a lot of pain. Later that night I got the migraine again while laying in bed. It took 5 hours to resolve as I was treated with tylenol, then buta-acetaminophen-caffine, then iv magnesium sulfate (which is apparently contraindicated with Myasthenia, my neuro is unhappy about that) then toradol and had to wait for an approval from a different doctor for each medication to be brought up from the pharmacy as I was moved to a different building/wing and they had not brought my meds from the other building yet.
Ever since then I have been getting a throbbing discomfort in my head and chest when standing up that goes away after 10 seconds or when I sit down and constant bouts of shortness of breath. 4 days later on sunday morning around 5am I woke up and went to the bathroom to pee and my head felt weird like kinda floaty and everything sounded muffled and I had difficulty concentrating. I grabbed some TP... Then I woke up on the floor of my room by my bed feeling very disoriented, confused, hot and sweaty with a throbbing migraine. I wasnt out for long, a nurse at the desk outside my door heard me fall and called for code fall then rapid response and I realized that I was on the floor before the teams showed up in my room. They didn't know if i hit my head going down as the fall was unwitnessed and I had some delay in responding to questions so they rushed me to CT for brain and spine scans but the scans showed absolutely nothing out of the ordinary. Ekg was normal, BP was normal, heart rate 'elevated', O2 was normal. Bloods were fine.
From that point until yesterday I was on bedrest and the few times I stood up I'd immediately get a migraine throbbing with my hearbeat and fuzzy head feeling like I would pass out. I also get tingly pins and needles feeling in my hands and feet and vertigo. They did BP checks and mine would go from 100/70s laying down flat yo 150/90 sitting up then a bit higher when standing. I was hooked up to telemetry for 5 days which showed tachycardia when standing or toileting but also bradycardia and low BP when sleeping. Chest xray w/o contrast was normal, multiple ekgs were normal, echocardiogram was normal.
Doctors said positional hypertension and to stand up slowly now that I'm home and to walk with assistance for now. My liver enzymes also shot up overnight (like 50 ast 80 alt to 130 ast 230 alt) last week but the doctor thinks it's because of my immunosuppressant and he and my neurologist decided to have me stop taking that and retest again in a week. Immune guys think I may have reactive airway disease being exacerbated by some type of new oral allergy response. They also think I have G6PD deficiency because I am allergic to sulfa medications, mothballs and fava beans. I also have very noticeable muscle weakness especially in my legs, way worse than before I was admitted but I was told it's muscle deconditioning from being in bed for 2 weeks and have been set up with home PT. Since getting IVIG I've hit 50 on the NIV and over 3 on the spirometer when checked twice a day.
I see my neurologist in 3 days, immunologist in 5 days and primary and pulmonary in a week but I'm really spooked that the IV epi messed me up somehow. Or maybe I've developed some other autoimmune issue(s) that's throwing my body out of order. Any ideas?
I'm on quite a few meds if that's relevant:
Mycophenolate 1500mg (ceased due to liver concern)
Prednisone 40mg
Atovaquone 10ml
Albuteral 90mcg as needed
Protonix 20mg
Lovanox and liquid potassium while admitted
While at the hospital I was started on Famotidine 20mg Cetirizine 10mg Montelukast 10mg
And sent home with two epipens.
I used to take Pyridostigmine Bromide 180-270mg daily but ceased due to adverse reactions.
I have a patient portal so I can provide any bloodwork or scan/ultrasound reports from my hospital stay too.

Hi everybody. I'm on a very low dose of diamox due to limited symptoms and no swelling of my optic nerves (maybe slightly swollen on one eye, but she said it was so limited she wasn't sure it was swollen, or if it was just the way the nerve looked).
I'm on 250 mg diamox twice a day and a potassium citrate supplement.
And I have the side effect where I can't drink anything carbonated, and it's really affecting my mood. I know to others it doesn't seem like a big deal. But I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't like coffee, a cold soda is what can get me through the day and give me a boost, and I HATE that I cannot drink it anymore.
When I have a drink of alcohol once in a blue moon, it's usually also something carbonated, I don't like wine. Now I can't have that either.
I've been on this dose for about a month, and it really sucks. I'm not really dealing with other side effect other than tingling in my hands, feet and lips on/off and that doesn't really both me. I'm also fatigued, but I've been for years, so I don't suspect diamox is the cause.
I just want to be able to drink a cold Pepsi!!!

TLDR: 4 months post diagnosis symptom free thanks to medication then an unexpected abscess requiring surgery has left me feeling so defeated 🥺
I (32,F) was diagnosed officially with Crohn’s back in December 2023, with the start of my symptoms (loose bm’s 3-5 times daily and significant weight loss) since May 2023. After I was diagnosed moderate severity via colonoscopy I was sent for pelvic MRI’s which showed up 2 perianal fistula tunnels on either side. I experienced a few painful points where it became inflamed/swollen/painful and then eventually drained and closed back up (roughly 5-7 days from when I would start to notice to when it would essentially heal itself) Painful, with maybe 1 or 2 days I had to adjust how I’d walk/sit/lay - but manageable.
Upon diagnosis in hospital I was given hydrocortisone via IV and was placed on Prednisone when I was home for 8 weeks to taper off them. In February 2024 my IBD dr started me on 6-MP and infliximab. Unfortunately I had to stop the 6-MP in April due to my immune cells crashing (we even tried to half the dose on alternative days but they would crash everytime) so we decided to just stick with infliximab. Since starting the Infliximab/6-MP(until April) in February all of my Crohn’s related symptoms had cleared up and my Dr was very confident I was heading into remission. I was so happy and finally started to feel positive and that Crohn’s was something I could definitely tackle and live with.
And here I am in June, 3 weeks after that appointment, 1 week before my 4th infliximab infusion and i developed another perianal fistula “flare up” this one turning into a 4cmX4cm abscess. I ended up in ED and was sent to have it surgically opened, cleaned and packed. From this surgery they determined my fistula may have “branched off” causing multiple tracks - therefore making it too complicated for the general surgeon to place a seton. I now have to have another MRI and a consultation with a colorectal surgeon in 6-8 weeks time.
I was discharged from hospital today (surgery was yesterday afternoon) and before they discharged me I had the ever so wonderful experience of having my wound unpacked, cleaned and repacked. I am not being over dramatic when I say that was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life (and this was with me taking oxycodone) I was sobbing, wailing and shaking. It was traumatic. The hospital has arranged a service that involves a nurse coming out to your home to unpack/repack daily until healed - which is great as I’ve heard horror stories of people being sent away with having their loved ones or themselves doing it. But I’m just now trying to wrap my head around the fact that I have to endure that pain again, daily, for weeks until healed.
I guess I’m just feeling really defeated and devastated. I was so scared and depressed when I was first diagnosed but when my symptoms basically all disappeared when I started the medication I became hopeful again and was finally finding my feet and beginning to feel ok about having Crohn’s and then this has just completely broken me. I know others have it much worse than I do but I’m just really new to this and I guess this reddit was the best place to yell my feelings into the void haha.
Anyway, whoever reads this thanks 🖤 Feel free to voice your experiences with feeling hopelessness in the comments.

I cannot tell if it’s my meds fucking with me or not but recently I’ve been having weird symptoms like random tingling/numbness in my hands and feet that come and go, as well as random flickering lights in the very corners of my eyes. Now I’ve been feeling rapid mood swings, like one second I’m completely fine and then the next I feel so uncomfortably angry that I have to get up and like shake my body around to get the energy out. Just now I was trying to fall asleep and just got this overwhelming wave of depression that suddenly turned into anger, I had to get up and walk around the house at 3 am just to get the energy out. I was wringing my hands so tightly my knuckles turned white and all I could think about was ripping out my own hair or clawing at my own skin, but I talked myself down and now I feel like a car hit me. I’ve switched from Prozac to Effexor recently for my depression and for fibromyalgia so it just could be side effects but I’ve never experienced such intense mood swings like this. This has all recently started within the last week though, ever since I fully went on Effexor a few months back I’ve actually felt quite calm, but now I always feel on edge or that I can’t relax. I’ve been staying up at night too, I slept for about an hour the other morning right before I had a dentist appointment and scared the dr and nurse by jerking awake after nodding off for literally 10 seconds. You know the term tired but wired? That’s how I’ve felt over the past week, I’m so exhausted but for some reason I can’t stop moving. Im so tired of dealing with this shit

Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
Telkandra's brood decide their fates...
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 218] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 220 June 18 or see the next chapter now on Patreon]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
***
Hundreds of soldiers filed through Kairon-Aoun and the fortifications, streaming toward the assembly area outside of the rubble that used to be First Terrace. The sound of hooves, and thudding feet and claws provided a rumbling soundtrack as Frances checked her equipment in the gallery of the goblin empire’s old palace.
Beside her, Timur gave his new khopesh a series of experimental swings. Morgan and Hattie were checking each other’s armor and equipment.
“Everybody ready?” Frances asked.
“Yes. Are you sure you both have to fight?” Morgan asked.
Frances rarely missed the times when Morgan had been perpetually annoyed or angry at her. This was one of the few times when her daughter looked at her with wide black eyes. She was trying to relax her hands so badly, but she could see how stiff she held her wings to her body.
Timur looked up from checking his armor. “Yes. I’m going to be a staff officer under Martin and Ginger’s command. Frances is going to be with a special group.”
Morgan shivered. “To fight Thorgoth?”
Frances nodded, clasping her daughter’s gauntleted hand. “Yes.”
“I should be with you,” Hattie said.
Frances sighed. They’d decided that it was best for Hattie to stay with Morgan with the mages put in reserve. They were to be led by Dwynalina and deployed more toward the rear of the army.
“The level of combat that we’re going into Hattie is far beyond anything you’ve trained against. I won’t stop you. I don’t think I can, but please be careful and follow Dwylanina’s orders. They need your protection as much as you need theirs,” said Frances.
“I know.” Hattie and Frances simultaneously clasped each other's arms, squeezing tightly before letting each other go.
Morgan in the meantime was hugging Timur, trying her best to keep the tears from flooding her eyes. “Uncle Timur, please don’t take any other crazy risks.”
His voice choked, Timur squeezed Morgan tightly. “I’ll try my best. Now, go say goodbye to your mother,”
Morgan nodded. Letting the prince go, she ran over, away from the group to Renia. Her lip quivering, the harpy embraced her daughter.
“I love you. I love you so much.”
“I’ll be back, mom. I promise,” Morgan said, face buried in her mother’s downy feathers. “You know I just have to do this. I have Lightbreaker and my magic.”
“I know. I just don’t want you to go, just like how you don’t want Frances and Timur to participate,” said Renia.
“Mom!” Morgan whined, letting go of the harpy.
Frances hid her smile behind her hand. So that was where Morgan got her sarcasm from.
“We’ll take care of each other,” said Timur, standing tall. Frances had to admit that her fiance cut a striking figure. Cuirass was over a thick leather buff coat. The curls of his hair were slightly tamed by the lobster-tailed helmet. Two pistols were tucked into holsters on his hip, beside a holster for his sword.
Tearing her eyes from her beloved, Frances said, “Morgan, Hattie, we’re going now.”
Morgan, in full armor, barrelled into Frances in a hug. “You’re coming back.”
“I will. You stay safe,” said Frances. The words felt a little hollow, but only a little. It took all her strength though to let her daughter go and walk away from her girls with her fiance.
Somehow, she forced herself to put one foot in front of the other, taking her away from her daughter and her apprentice.
Only a slight nudge from Timur took her out of her thoughts.
“So, were you looking?” her prince asked.
Panicked blinking gave way to an embarrassed smile as Frances felt the mirth behind Timur’s smile.
“Yes—I mean—If you must know you look very handsome.” Frances pursed her lips. “You’d look better with your cape, though.”
Timur looked over his shoulder, and nodded. “I would but I think I don’t want more things for my father to grab on to.”
Frances could feel icy dread stabbing into her stomach. Hoping it wasn’t a portent of things to come, she forced herself to ask, “You think you’re going to meet him?”
“He’s probably going after me, or you. Perhaps both.” Her prince must have seen something in her expression because he squeezed her shoulder. “Think of it this way, Mataia. Most of our friends are on this battlefield. You will go to their aid if they are attacked by my father.”
“You know me far too well.” Not stopping, Frances wrapped an arm around her love’s waist. It was a little awkward from the gear they carried, and she knew he couldn’t feel her touch through his cuirass or her gloves. Yet she could see his tail twitch ever so slightly at the gesture. “If…If I meet your father, I’m sorry.”
Timur sighed. “You have apologized for that time and time again before even defeating him. Please don’t worry. I… I will be fine. He’s chosen his path. I have chosen mine.”
Frances smiled, a tingle on the edges of her lips. She wanted to kiss her love, but there would be no kisses until their helmets were off and the battle was won. “I know. Still, thank you.”
They continued to walk, holding one another, until they rejoined the army outside of the palace and their horses.
They rode together past the columns of marching soldiers, quickly reaching the remnants of the First Terrace. Even with a number of battalions entrenching themselves into the ruins, they couldn’t help but feel a bit buoyed by the army that stretched out in front of them.
Erlenberg and Lapanterian forces formed the left flank. The Lightning Battalion took the center. The right consisted of the remaining Erisdalians, former Traditionalist and Reformer forces alike. Each of the forces were subdivided into three distinct divisions: vanguard in the front ranks, a middle main force and a reserve. Each of these divisions had a different mix of cavalry, musketeers and pikemen that generally took up roughly square formations.
Across from the no-man’s land that they’d clashed over from the first day, was the Alavari army.
“It looks just as we guessed. They didn’t retreat into the Greenway. They are very much preparing to use the greater size of the cavern in their attack. That’ll give them room to maneuver, but it’ll also let us hit them hard. What happens in the first act will determine the flow of the battle.”
Frances glanced at her fiance. Timur was blabbering. His gauntleted hands were tight around his reins and she knew most of what he was saying. Still, she didn’t stop him, she knew it helped him feel calm to self-narrate.
As they rode through past the regiments of the Lightning Battalion, Frances waved at her soldiers. She recognized quite a few of them, even knew a few names. There was Helen, one of the veterans from Erlenberg who now led the Lightning Battalion’s reserve division. There were Jessica’s friends Noff and Columbine keeping one of the regiments in order.
Martin was with the reserves. In heavy armor, he was escorted by a wall of Erisdalian and Lightning Battalion cavalry. At their head was a very large female knight. Her open visor showed a spiderweb of scars that arched across her left cheek.
“Timur, this is your stop,” said Frances in a gentle voice. She turned her gaze to her fiance and love. He was blinking rapidly, his eyes moist.
Her prince swallowed. “I know. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Frances blew a kiss to her fiance, as he took his side amidst Martin’s bodyguards and other officers.
“Don’t worry. We’ll take care of him, Frances,” said Martin.
“And I’ll take care of Ayax and Liz.” Touching the sides of her horse with her heels, she galloped off, refusing to look back.
In the distance, riding amongst the vanguard troops was Captain Aloudin, escorted by Epomonia and Olgakaren. They looked calm, but she knew they were anxious. Timur had told her that Epomonia and Olgakaren had exchanged vows in private, witnessed by Aloudin and himself.
Beside them were the leaders of the vanguard division of the Lightning Battalion, Elizabeth, along with Ayax and other mages such as Kellyanne.
That was not where she was going, though. She was heading toward another group of soldiers flying Lightning Battalion banners.
“Hey Liz. Hey Ayax,” said Frances, waving her hand. To Jessica riding beside her cousin and best friend, she just dipped her head.
Elizabeth beamed. “Hi Frances. We estimate about twenty-thousand soldiers they deployed against us.”
Ayax flashed Frances a wan smile. “Titania is probably up against about five to ten thousand with her fifteen, but they’ve entrenched the Greenway heavily. We outnumber them, but it’s not going to be an easy fight.”
“Do you still think Thorgoth will hit the Erisdalians first?” Frances asked.
“It’s what I would do if I was in his situation. The Lightning Battalion, Erlenberg and Lapanterians are warmed up and ready from the fighting for the last few days. However, the Erisdalians still need to sort out the divisions between Traditionalist and Reformer troops,” Elizabeth said.
They all were turning to look to their right flank. They could see Ginger’s royal banner and her bodyguards in the distance. Frances also knew that was where her mother, in her dragon armor, had to be along with Kellyanne, Nicole, Jim and Leila.
At the head of the army, King Sebastian of Lapanteria rode with Megara and their bodyguards. As pre-arranged, his speech echoed throughout the cavern.
“Soldiers of Erisdale, Erlenberg, those Alavari who are fighting with us today, and of course, my brave Lapanterians. I salute you all! My wife advises to make this short, and so I shall. No matter the outcome of this battle, you know as well as I that we are fighting to stop a cruel tyrant and will be known throughout Durannon as the heroes and heroines!”
The king reared up, sword raised. His voice amplified by his wife’s magic.
“To victory!”
Frances raised Ivy’s Sting and bellowed. “To victory!”
“To victory!”
The army’s roar shuddered the ground, causing horses to shiver as thousands of soldiers cheered and stomped their feet.
Across from the battlefield, Frances could just hear the Alavari army rallying. She could see the gleam of their weapons shake as they too were whipped up by their king to a frenzy.
Ginger took a deep breath and turned to Jessica. “Signal Lakadara. Let’s get this started!”
The final battle was now upon them.
***
Fennokra rolled her shoulders and cleared her throat. She needed to be sure that the fire that she breathed would come out as a clear stream.
Beside her, Yolandra fiddled with her broken right claw. The pair were studiously ignoring their other two siblings.
Velkandra was already flapping her wings, causing the banners of the Alavari near her to whip and snap in the gale she stirred up. She didn’t leap off the ground, but she did smirk at the consternation of the soldiers around her. Meanwhile, Makendra tested the sharpness of his claws on a nearby boulder.
Fennokra narrowed her eyes at the army once more. There were a lot of soldiers, and while didn’t know all the intricacies of how the ground-bound deployed their armies, she could tell how organized they seemed and how numerous they were.
“Velkandra, I don’t like the look of that. Are you sure we’re going to be leading the attack?”
Her elder sister grimaced. “We’re outnumbered and if you remember, part of our allies are buying us time. We need to defeat them before we get attacked from the rear and frankly the only way we’re going to do it is if we soften them up first.”
“We’re going to be the focus of all their mages and cannons,” Fennokra said.
“A risk we will have to take,” said Velkandra.
Yolandra’s eyes narrowed before widening. “Hold on, what’s that? In the distance, from the city.”
Following her sister’s claw, Fennokra managed to see the movement from the Third Terrace of Kairon Aoun. Her keen eyed vision focusing, she immediately could tell that it looked like a flying creature of some kind. A very large, violet—
“No.” Fennokra felt heart stop and her tail slam into the ground.
Makendra’s claws ground into the earth underneath. “Impossible.”
Yolandra whispered. “It can’t be. She’s dead. Besides, she wouldn’t… She couldn’t!”
But it was a purple dragon with gleaming golden eyes that soared over the enemy army. Gliding down toward the front of the humans, she landed, wingspan flared to her full length. Her neck was held high as she gazed down towards the rest of Alavari forces.
“Velkandra! Fennokra! Yolandra! Makendra! I can see you there. I would speak to you, face to face, as your sister.”
Fennokra had forgotten that their eldest sister was actually the largest of all of them. It was subtle. There wasn’t any particularly one aspect of her that dwarfed them, but there was a reason that it’d taken all seven of them to bring her down.
Puffs of smoke escaped Velkandra’s gritted teeth. “She sided with them? That worthless welp—Yolandra?”
Fennokra twisted her head to see Velkandra’s jaw drop wide open. Yolandra was leaping into the sky and was already flying towards Lakadara.
“Wait!” Fennokra jumped into the air as well, her wings desperately churning gusts of air that caused some of the soldiers near her to lose their footing. “Yolandra! It could be a trick! An illusion to set a trap for us!”
“Who else would know what she looked like? Besides, how could an illusion fool the entire Alavari army? No sister, that has to be Lakadara!”
“And what if she wants us to fight Thorgoth? We cannot afford to do so!” Fennokra howled.
Yolandra wasn’t looking back. She dived toward Lakadara, claws sheathed. “Do whatever you want, I am talking to the sister I thought I killed!”
The smaller dragon careened onto the ground, claws digging up thick ruts as she flared her wings. Lakadara’s wing twitched and her tail shuffled slightly, but she remained quite still.
“Lakadara, I’m…I’m sorry,” Yolandra took a step forward, but stopped. Her sister remained motionless, except for her eyes. Now that she was closer, she could see Lakadara’s golden eyes were flickering, looking at her and the three other dragons that landed behind her.
“It’s alright, Yolandra,” Lakadara smiled. “I’m glad you’re well.”
Fennokra closed her eyes briefly and tucked in her wings. “I’m glad you’re alive too, sister, but how did you survive? We didn’t see your corpse, but you were near-death.”
“The Stormcaller’s beloved and his mother saved my life from soldiers that Thorgoth sent to find and kill me. Mages and healers allied to Queen Titania and the humans then nursed me to health,” said Lakadara.
Velkandra snorted and shoved Yolandra aside as she stormed forward. Fennokra let out a warning hiss, but her elder sister ignored her.
“For what reason? So that you’d become their lackey? Their pet dragon?” Velkandra asked.
Lakadara’s wings fluttered, her neck and head turning to meet Velkandra’s venomous glare. “Out of mercy and out of a desire for peace. The Stormcaller and her allies have no quarrel with us, just as they never did with our mother.”
“They must have offered something to you, though. There’s no way they would—”
The sharp whoosh of Lakadara letting out a short stream of fire cut over Velkandra’s drawl. Extending her wings, a smile returned to the features of the oldest of Telkandra’s brood.
“They did offer me something. They did have something to gain and I accepted because it was an excellent deal. Far better than the one we struck with Thorgoth.”
“What? You fight for whomever offers you food and some shelter? Something they could just take away?” Velkandra asked.
“The King and Queen of Erisdale, and later today, Queen Titania of Alavaria offered me land. A Dragonhome in perpetuity for me and my children—”
“You can’t be serious—”
Fennokra’s wing tip lashed out, slapping Velkandra’s side. “Shut up! Lakadara was never a fool. What did they offer you that was so tempting, sister?”
“They offered me land for myself and my future children, on the condition I speak to you. After that, they told me I could leave,” Lakadara said. She was met with a wall of silence as the dragons stared at her.
“Leave?” Makendra stammered. Of all the siblings, only he was capable of speaking. His siblings' tails had flopped on the floor in various states of shock.
“Just like that? That can’t be it. Do they not wish for you to help?” Makendra asked.
Lakadara nodded. “They do, but they were more understanding that making me fight for them solves nothing for the future and I have to wonder…what would fighting for Thorgoth get us? Revenge on a human mage who was just protecting her apprentice. More dead siblings and maybe our eventual death at Thorgoth’s own hands.”
“Mother would want us to take revenge,” Fennokra said. Yet, she knew she hadn’t spoken it forcefully enough as Lakadara now turned a knowing gaze towards her.
“Maybe, but I doubt she would want us to kill ourselves pursuing it,” said Lakadara.
Fennokra wasn’t sure if it was tension, stress or even fear, but she felt her shoulders and haunches lighten as some invisible weight fell from them. “And they want you to talk to us so that you could give us the same offer,” she said.
Lakadara nodded.
“What, they gave you a cave and you’re going to give up?” Velkandra asked.“They’re willing to give us an entire mountain range, including several very large mountains. Enough room for hundreds of dragon caves,” said Lakadara.
“Just so that we just accept and leave? Not even fight? That’s…that’s good, but what if Thorgoth wins?” Yolandra asked.
“He’d kill us anyway wouldn’t he?” asked Fennokra. She was no longer looking at her sister, she knew where Lakadara stood.
Her eyes were instead of Velkandra, her feelings betrayed only by a slight snarl.
“We made a deal. What does it say about us if we break it?” Makendra asked.
Yolandra pointed to the massive army across from them. “What happens if we don’t break it and Thorgoth is defeated? If we die against that, right here, right now?” Sighing, Yolandra strode toward Lakadara. “Certain death, possible life. I know what I’m choosing.”
Fennokra winced. “Wait, Yolandra—”
“Don’t you dare take another step, sister.”
Velkandra had extended her wings. Hackles raised, legs braced to drive herself into the air, the dragon was ready to pounce. Slowly, her eyes wide, Yolandra turned around, mouth agape, unable to speak.
“Sister, what are you doing?” Fennokra asked, a chill running up the spikes on her spine.
Velkandra stalked toward their smallest sibling, teeth bared. Claws scraping against the earth with a grating grumble. “She sides with the creatures that killed our mother. Did you all forget our goal? Our lifelong mission? The Stormcaller killed our mother. We swore revenge.”
“So we fight half the continent to kill her?” Fennokra demanded. She didn’t know why she only realized it so recently and yet she knew she saw clearly. She could see the paths in front of them, and the glint of fury in her second sister’s eye.
“We kill whoever gets in our way to end her because she killed our mother!
“Do we kill children too?” Lakadara slid in beside Yolandra, wing furled protectively over her younger sibling. “Do we kill their children because they might seek revenge? Because by that logic the Stormcaller and her allies should have killed us.”
“Don’t you dare compare me to that dragon slayer!”
“Then don’t interfere with our sister’s right to choose her own path! Or are we now down to killing our own family members because they don’t agree with us? Like how you tried to kill me?” Lakadara asked. Her eyes gazed at each of her siblings before coming back to Velkandra. “Let Yolandra go. Fennokra, Makendra, if you wish to leave, you may do so. It is your choice.”
Makendra closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m sorry, sister, but I cannot fight for them. They killed our mother.”
Lakadara’s tail drooped, but she nodded and turned to Fennokra, who suddenly felt so small underneath her sister’s gaze. When did she get so calm, so composed despite the situation? She’d always been the wisest of them and yet she seemed moreso.
“Fennokra?”
“Can we not discuss this? Try to…to work out an arrangement that benefits—”
Velkandra snorted. “Come on Fennokra. I thought you were the smart one—”
“I don’t want to hurt my own family! But I can’t abandon… I… Lakadara, I’m sorry.” Fennokra blinked back her tears, only to find her sister smiling at her.
“It’s alright, Fennokra. I understand.” Turning around, Lakadara dipped her head over her shoulder. “I wish you good fortune and fair winds. Yolandra, let’s go.”
The two dragons strode from the group, Fennokra staring after them, frozen. She refused to believe this was happening. Her joy at finding her sister was alive, doused by the despair that what remained of her family was now tearing apart. Yolandra looked over her shoulder, locking eyes with her for a brief moment, before she continued.
Fennokra bowed her head, unable to look after her sisters. That was when she realized out of the corner of her eye that Velkandra hadn’t moved from her pose. Her wings were still extended, legs still locked in place.
There was a slight shiver through the larger dragon. Fennokra then knew.
“Velkandra no!”
Her sister leapt into the air, neck craning back, lungs sucking in a huge breath. Fennokra was already moving. She could see Lakadara twisting around, lips pulled back in a snarl. Yolandra was fleeing, wings frantically unfurling.
Fennokra could see herself leaping up to Velkandra and tackling her aside, throwing the older dragon’s aim off and sending her crashing to the ground.
“Traitor!” Velkandra screamed. Claw scraped on scale as the pair rolled. Fennokra fighting on instinct, her sister’s claws around her throat, she tried to spit fire into her strangler’s face, but Velkandra’s grip was too tight.
“Fennokra!” Lakadara slammed into Velkandra, ripping her off of her and throwing her aside. Almost blinded by tears, Fennokra staggered to her feet, helped up by Yolandra.
Velkandra and Makendra glared at them rising into the air. Behind them, Thorgoth’s army was charging forward. Legions of Alavari with their shining weapons moving like some strange spread out living beast.
“Thank you, Fennokra,” said Yolandra.
“There’s no need to thank me,” said Fennokra.
Lakadara gestured behind them with her tail. “Don’t worry. We have some friends.”
Fennokra chanced a glance. The Stormcaller’s army, or their side? She still didn’t know what to call them, but the humans and Alavari against King Thorgoth were moving too. Horns were blaring, and a rainbow of flags waved.
A voice yelled out from Lakadara, which Fennokra realized came from a metal and wood pendant tied around her ear with a chain.
“Lakadara! Get your siblings out of there! You don’t need to fight them! This isn’t part of your bargain!”
Lakadara smiled without humor as she tapped a claw to the pendant. “I’m sorry Goldilora. I don’t think we’re getting out of this easily.”
“No you are not.” Velkandra wiped some dust out of her eye. “Last chance, sisters.”
Lakadara shook her head. Yolandra took a deep breath and prepared to breath fire.
Fennokra sighed and closed her eyes briefly. “Forgive us, mother.”
And the dragon siblings, the last of Telkandra’s brood, leapt at each other as the armies of Alavaria, Erisdale, Erlenberg and Lapanteria charged toward each other.
The final battle of the Fourth Great Hero War had begun.
Author's Note: Unfortunately for the dragon siblings there was only way way this is going to end.

I feel the aches and pains throughout most of my body everyday, all day and have been that way for years. Former sports person. Tore my ACL completely at 16, crushed nose on right side at 16, several torn muscles, tendonitis at the tender age of 15. Diagnosed with costochondritis at 24 after my second and last baby. Saw my first chiropractor at 9 years old due to the same type of back pain I'm having now. Had a few good years. Got addicted to pain killers at an early age. Kicked that habit cold turkey. Had ALIF surgery due to degenerated discs at L5-S1 and L4-L5 in at the age of 35 2017 after 4 years of trying to avoid surgery. Was on tramadol during that time. Kicked the habit after surgery, refused to take anything stronger than ibuprofen or Tylenol again. Got back in good shape in 2019-2020. Was running 2-3 miles a day. BODY HURT, caught lots of aches and joint pains. Got Covid in 2021, stopped working out as much for a few months, got back to it. Caught Covid AGAIN in 2022. Became weaker and experienced lots of neck and shoulder aching pain for months along with sinus issues...got some Prednisone for bad allergies..it took the pain away. It didn't come back until now I'm 40, I believe I'm going through perimenopause, gained weight from not working out daily. My feet ache, my whole body aches, but my biggest question is why does it hurt but feel so good when my husband squeezes my feet across or I contort my body. It's like a painful relief. Sleep helps but by the end of the day all the pain is back. My whole body feels inflamed all the time. I still try to run here and there and at least get my 10k steps in a day. But, I'm ready to get back on painkillers at this point. The ibuprofen and Tylenol are not cutting it anymore. I'm so tired.

I’m trying to figure out what is going on with me and it all seems to have started after my first shingles vaccine.
I developed tingles in my joint like elbows, knees and shoulders. I also have numb skin around the torso and some spots that are hyper sensitive. No rashes though.
I also have some serious intestinal issues that showed up.
Curious to see what effect Acyclovir has when you start taking it for shingles. I took some today and the areas that were tingling are now very tingly and I feel more sensations through my legs and feet.
Not sure if that is normal or something else is going on.
TIA

I have hiked for years in Salomon boots. I love them and I still plan on using them most of the year. The only reason why I am considering these Lone Peaks is for summer hikes. My feet can get very hot in the Salomon's. I have a very very very wide foot, and the Lone Peaks feel very comfortable to my foot. I wasn't looking for zero drop specifically, but my foot actually fits and the shoe is very lightweight. I have done two 3 mile "hikes" in a hilly park because I know that I am supposed to build up to bigger hikes. My first walk was no issue, aside from a slight extra feeling in my calves but very manageable. The second walk, I developed tingling in my feet towards the end of the three miles. Is this a normal part of the acclimation, or are these just not right for me?

I have absolutely no idea why I'm making this post. I guess I just need to vent. I have no friends to talk to and my parents don't take any of my pain and concerns seriously. They think my pain is all in my head. Sigh.
Where to start? I wasted my entire 20s laying in bed, not doing anything with my life. I will turn 30 in september. I have been unemployed for years, don't know how to drive, barely graduated high school, never went to college, have no friends, never had a boyfriend, never even kissed a guy.... in other words, I'm a huge loser. Don't tell me I'm not. I know I am.
As if being a huge loser that never achieved anything isn't bad enough, I have now also developed chronic burning pain all over my body and my face which means that I will most likely never be able to work, I will never get a boyfriend (because what kind of man wants to date a woman with a ton of health issues?) and I will continue being a burden to my parents for the rest of their lives. My pain as of right now isn't that bad. It's decreased a lot these last 3 weeks but I know it's only a matter of time until it gets bad again. Honestly life has lost all meaning to me. The only reason why I'm still alive and haven't killed myself yet is because killing myself is hard and I don't wanna upset or traumatize my parents. If there was an easy and painless way to kill myself without upsetting my parents I would do it.
Maybe it's my fault that I'm in pain. I neglected my body for so long. I didn't take great care of myself. From the ages of 23 to 27 I barely brushed my teeth. Disgusting, I know. Then in late 2021 I eventually developed a horrible toothache. I went to the dentist and he told me that I had 2 big cavities. Got one tooth pulled out and another tooth filled. After my cavities got fixed the tooth pain eventually decreased a lot but it never fully went away. I continued experiencing mild, dull tooth pain. Went back to the dentist again who told me there was nothing wrong with my teeth and he had no idea why I'm still experiencing pain. Said that my gums look inflammed. Bought myself a toothpaste meant to decreased gum inflammation. Didn't do shit. I just decided to ignore my mild tooth pain and hoped and prayed it would eventually go away if I just brushed my teeth everyday.
Fast forward to late 2023. Woke up in the middle of the night because of a horrible toothache. Truly was the worst toothache of my life. 0/10. Wouldn't recommend. Felt a horrible electric shock like pain coming from one of my upper left teeth. The pain only lasted a couple seconds but it hurt like shit. I hope I never experience pain like this again. Went to the dentist the next morning. He told me I had a small cavity in one of my upper left teeth. I told him I couldn't believe small cavities could hurt this damn much. He said it happens sometimes. He fixed my cavity and the pain immediately vanished. Thank god. But then 2 weeks later I developed a severe hot and cold sensitivity in my upper left teeth and started experiencing a mild but annoying shooting pain coming from one of my upper left teeth. Went back to the Dentist again. He took an x-ray of my teeth. Said there is nothing wrong with my teeth but mentioned that I do have wear on my teeth. Said I most likely grind my teeth at night and that this is causing me pain. Got a custom made mouth guard made for me. Wore this mouth guard for like 3 days but it just made my pain worse so I stopped wearing it. My tooth pain was getting worse. It turned form dull to burning. I was at the end of my rope and didn't know what to do anymore. Went back to the Dentist again and told him my pain is getting worse and to please help me. He suggested a root canal. Said that my big filling in one of my upper left teeth is maybe irritating the nerves of that tooth. I agreed to a root canal. A couple days after my root canal treatment I was still dealing with pain and hot and cold sensitivity. I felt hopeless and didn't know what to do anymore. Then all of a sudden one month after my root canal treatment the shooting tooth pain decreased and my burning tooth pain turned into dull, mild tooth pain. I was finally starting to feel better. I was happy but still annoyed because the pain wasn't completely gone. Went to another dentist who told me I have severly inflammed gums and I'm in desperate need of a dental cleaning. And that my pain is coming from my gums. Also told me that I have very tight jaw muscles and that my jaw muscles have shortened. 3 days before my dental cleaning appointment I all of a sudden start experiencing a mild burning pain on my upper left cheek. This is a completely new kind of pain that I never experienced before. I type the words "burning facial pain" into google. (Big mistake.) Google tells me that I have trigeminal neuralgia (also nicknamed the suicide disease.) Atypical TN causes burning facial pain that can be quite severe. There is no cure for this disease. Only medication that comes with a lot of side effects and that may or may not work. I break down crying and cancel my appointment for a dental cleaning. My facial pain at the time was quite mild and went away after 2 days but I still convinced myself I must have tn even though my pain was not anywhere close to severe.
2 months later, at the beginning of april the burning facial pain comes back again and this time it's not mild anymore. On a pain scale of 1 out of 10 I would label the pain I experienced in april as a 4 to 5. Started experiencing burning pain on my upper left cheek then the burning pain traveled between my eyebrows and then it also traveled to the other side of my face. I found out splashing cold water on my face decreases my pain a lot and gives me a lot of relief for a couple minutes. After almost a month of experiencing constant burning facial pain, the pain all of a sudden decreases a lot, almost vanishes. As soon as the pain decreased I cried tears of joy. I was so happy and grateful. I experienced little to no facial pain the entire month of may but I did start experiencing random mild burning pain all over my body. That's when I started to get really concerned. Obviously there must be something wrong with my nerves. This can't be normal. Now we have june and the facial burning pain has come back but it's not as bad as it used to be. Most of the time my facial pain is mild and can be easily ignored but I definitely experience flare ups from time to time. Also experience random aches and tingling in my feet, hands, lower back...basically everywhere. My muscles in my body and my face also feel quite stiff and have felt stiff for years. I'm a couch potato that barely leaves my house so it's no wonder I have stiff muscles. Maybe I don't have a horrible disease, Maybe my neuropathy is caused by overly stiff muscles and not moving my body enough...I would like to believe that. But I can't help but think that all of this pain must be caused by something much more serious.
I can't put into words how much I hate myself for wasting my youth, my best years and now I'm dealing with chronic pain and I will never be able to live a normal life. I almost forgot what it's like to be pain free. :( Maybe this pain is my punishment for wasting my youth and neglecting my body for so long. Maybe I deserve all of this. I don't know. I know I should see a doctor but I'm so afraid of being diagnosed with something horrible like MS. I would not be able to handle that.
Big sigh. What I regret most is that I have never dated anyone. That I have never felt the touch of a man. That I have never been hugged and kissed by someone who truly loves me. I will never get to experience true romantic love and whenever I see couples holding hands, I try very hard not to cry because I know I will never experience this kind of love. I wasted my life. I'm truly the most useless, pathetic human being on this planet.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I truly needed to get this off my chest.

47/F. I started taking 5 mg Lisinopril about a week and half ago for mild hypertension. A bit of background: This is the first time I’ve ever taken any medication for HBP. I have a history of kidney stones (but assume my kidneys are ok, overall) and I’m pre-diabetic with A1c of 5.8 or 5.9. My last fasting glucose level was 100 (normal high is 99).
Within a few hours of taking the first pill, I began to have weird electrical-like tingling in my toes and foot. Sometimes it feels warm and there’s (shooting) pain throughout the foot as well. I’ve had it mostly in my left foot and then it became noticeable in my right foot, too.
I let my doctor know (by email) and she said to stop taking the medication “if I wanted to.” I am seeing her on Monday for an appointment, but have not been able to actually talk to her yet.
I stopped taking the medication after only using it a week. It’s been 2 days since the last pill and the tingling persists… and is actually more noticeable than before.
I’m curious if any of you have had a similar experience with Lisinopril and if so, did the tingling/electricity feeling eventually go away?

Hi everyone - I was in a bad rear ender car accident in November. I was fully stopped with my seatbelt and was hit between 40 and 50 mph, so I got really banged up. I’m 6 months out and still trying to figure out the source of my pain and symptoms.
So I had right after the accident a chest xray, and MRI’s of all three regions of my back. I had 3 broken ribs and 11 disc herniations, but the 2 in my low back were relatively small. I had significant pain in both hips following the injury but it went away following a lumbar epidural injection, so I figured it was coming from a disc herniation in my back (I have a bulge at l1/l2 which would go into the hips). Also pt on my hip flexors seemed to help.
For atleast 3 months I’ve had constant tingling in both of my feet, and some weakness in my right leg. And for the past 2 months I’ve had increasing pain in my right hip (my foot was on the break when I was hit so my right leg may have jammed upward, or my hips could have been injured by the seatbelt). I have significant clicking in both hips. My right hip fails the rotation (FADDIR) test so I’m thinking there might be a tear in there that has gotten flared up because I tend to squat more now instead of bending at the waist since I have so much more pain in my chest/waist area.
Anyway - I’ve got an appt with an ortho surgeon and I’m hoping he will order a hip MRI to see what’s going on. But I think one question I have is could hip injuries be causing symptoms that mimic a herniated disc in the legs? I had a percutaneous discectomy at l5/s1 and I felt better for about 2 weeks but I also had a chest infection and then it was spring break so I wasn’t working or walking a lot that whole time. Drs seem really stumped as to what is causing the leg symptoms, but I do know that going up stairs in painful and going down stairs feels unstable.
I appreciate anyone’s insight! Thank you!

I am on my second full week of treatment. Technically my forth week, but I had a week in between of no Ozempic due to a procedure. I am on 0.25mg, split dose because I have had unbearable side effects (although much better on the split dose). I find myself to be starving midday, so eat a substantial lunch (today was a 1/2 turkey sandwich with a side of light potato chips). I feel full after eating, then about 20 minutes later am beyond full, burping, and just sick to my stomach. This lasts for hours and I basically am eating one meal a day because of it. I also am noticing some tingling in my feet and sporadic tingling throughout my body, but have read that can happen. How do you manage your appetite? I can’t bare to eat in the morning, but then am starving midday, eat, and am basically finished the rest of the day. I am not diabetic and on this medication due to cardiac issues. Thanks!