Hi, this is my first post here. I admittedly am not here because I want help finding a new name, as I've already gotten it figured out. What I'm here for is how to ask my family to accept it. I've already been going by the name Raven for over 8 years now and all of my friends use it. However, in all of those years, my family has actively refused to use it, preferring to use a name that frankly makes me sick. My friend suggested that it might because they think they're mourning me because I'm gone, which I don't think is relevant. I'm still using the same pronouns, I'm not transitioning or anything, I'm not even coming out as gay (I've already come out as aroace, and they're still in denial about me not finding the right person yet). I'm asking to change absolutely nothing but the name itself. I hate the name because it's practically a slur for me at this point and I've read psychological reports about me that use it as if they're referring to a rabid animal. It's been causing me serious physical and psychological issues, so I want to try again to get them to start using the name I want. Since they normally gang up and shut me down whenever I bring up something they don't like, I decided I'll make my case in a text message so I can get my point across without being interrupted. I've made a draft of it, stating the reasons why I hate the deadname, what is happening to me because of them insisting on using it, and then shifting over to talking about the name I want and why I want it. I then tell them that I feel like they don't respect me or even see me as an actual person, and that I will distance myself and then go no contact when I can if they can't change that. However, I also state that if they do start calling me Raven and start treating me like a person, I will reciprocate further and give them something I've been hesitant to give for a long time. I make a point of saying that I don't want to cut them out of my life, but I will if I must. I think my approach is the least risky option, but I want some advice about it. Is the content of the text ideal for this kind of situation? If not, what could I change?

i don't even know what i expect from posting this here, but maybe writing it down will help.
in december of last year i matched with a guy on tinder. we had great conversations from the start and he was super sweet. back then, i was struggling a lot with my mental and physical health, since i suffer from 'generalized anxiety disorder' and dealt with dizziness for 3 months straight. after a few days of texting i opened up to him and complained about my symptoms. he asked a lot of questions about the things i was dealing with, told me how impressed he was by my self awareness and made it seem like he really cared.
after he told me he wasn't doing so well himself i offered to listen if he wanted to talk and he shared his story with me. a few months prior he had an accident while playing soccer. he broke his skull, had internal bleeding in his head and had been dealing with epileptic seizures ever since. i felt horrible after hearing his story, because obviously, he was going through a lot more than me, but i was the one complaining.
we texted for a few more days, talked about meeting up for drinks, but then stopped talking and just responded to eachothers IG stories here and there. 3 months later (march), we started chatting again..
he told me how happy he was, how much better he was doing and apologized for not reaching out. he also told me that he would still love to get to know me and i agreed on meeting up with him. even though he still had a lot going on, he wanted to know how i was doing and listened to my struggles all over again. we had another great conversation and both shared a lot with eachother.
somehow, the conversation stopped. a week later i wished him a happy birthday and a few days after that he responded "pretty girl" to my IG story but that was it. i didn't hear from him for 5 weeks.. i was a little disappointed and wondered why he never reached out, but just told myself that he's probably busy.
fast forward to 2 days ago.. i was about to go to bed and was scrolling through facebook when i saw a weird post of an "anti covid vaccine" profile. it was an article about a young soccer player who recently passed away from cardiac arrest and the description said "i"m not surprised so many young people pass away these days, because of the vaccine". i shook my head and was about to scroll past it, when i realized the guy looked familiar. (it was a picture of him in motion, while playing soccer so it was hard to tell)
after looking at the picture for a few seconds i realized who it was and immediately choked up. my first thought was 'omg i need to tell him that they used his picture for a nonsense article.' but then i started wondering if the article was real. i went to check the IG page of his soccer team but couldn't find anything, so i had hope the article was just a horrible joke. but just to make sure, i googled his name and there they were..
20-30 news paper articles, talking about the young soccer player who died out of nowhere at the beginning of april. he was already gone for 35 days by the time i found out.
i was staring at the ceiling, crying and just couldn't grasp it. 3 weeks before his death we were talking about meeting up and 13 days before, he responded to my IG story one last time.
i never got to meet him but my heart is still broken. i didn't have to talk to him in person to know what a great person he was. i was sure about that the day we started talking..
you may think i'm exaggerating by saying that i'm heart broken by his death, but he's the first person who passed away whom i talked to shortly before that. and the fact that it took me so long to realize he was gone just makes me even more sad. i even remember my dad telling me about a soccer player passing away back in april, but his name was never mentioned so i had no idea.
and now, i just have to live with the fact that he's gone. i don't want to complain too much, because if i'm heart broken by this, i can't even imagine how his family and friends are feeling, but it still hurts.
i guess the moral of this story is: live life to the fullest; reach out to the person you like; go on dates; tell the people around you how much they mean to me and just make the most out of everyday. at least that's what i will do from now on..

Second time posting this because I messed up the title, also sorry if I'm lacking details.
So I (23f) have autism and am really bad at picking up social cues and underlying tones unless it's pointed out to me by other people. I don't have many friends and my dating life isn't big so you could say I'm inexperienced in many things.
Recently, I decided to try and make friends by going out a few times but I'm usually too nervous to talk so I decided to try asking the barista from a local tea shop I visit quite often if she wanted to be friends by writing it on a note. Mind you, I've visited this shop with my friends and they are convinced that another employee (let's call him Michael) there has a crush on me but because I'm so oblivious, I don't see it.
Fast forward a few days and I go back to the shop with my friend and order our drinks and sit down to wait. She grabs her drink and I grab mine but there was a phone number written on the side of my cup. I panic because the girl I wanted to be friends with wasn't there so I know it's not her number. The person who gave me my drink was another female employee (we'll call her Vanessa) who works there and who I have talked to a few times but just casual conversations. I joke with my friend that it's her number but they're convinced it's Michaels number. After finding the balls to text the number and see who it is, we find out its Vanessa's number. Honestly, we were all surprised but I find this as a great opportunity to make a friend so I text her back.
We exchanged maybe ten messages at most before going to bed and the next day, my friends ask how it's going since they know I'm awkward and probably chickned out or something. I tell them what we've talked about and how she said my name was nice (apparently it's a common name where we live) and tell her she has a nice name too. They both give me a weird look and say that it sounds like we're flirting with one another given how our conversation played out. While I think she's being nice and polite, they are convinced she's flirting with me. I'm ace and don't swing that way but my friends are saying (respectfully) that I might not be ace but bi or something similar given how I talk and present myself, especially with the way I'm talking with Vanessa. I don't know how to defend myself because even though I know I don't like women, all this attention I'm getting about it makes me wonder if I'm just denying myself subconsciously. It's weird since I don't know how to articulate my emotions to people.
While I'm there having an identity crisis, they also point out that it might just be a ploy for Vanessa to get info on me so she can tell Michael what I like so he can have a better shot at talking with me. That seems plausible considering everything that they've told me but I'm too oblivious to pick up on clues. They mention that I might accidentally be leading them on by texting them back and being friendly and the last thing I want is to accidentally lead someone on because I've fine that in the past and things ended horribly. Plus, I just really wanna make friends with some cool people.
I'm not looking for a relationship because I don't feel the need for one at the moment but I do want friends to hang out with and talk to about things that my other two friends don't like or relate to.
TL;DR: I'm horrible at reading social cues. A guy at a cafe apparently likes me and I got a girl's number who I'm accidently flirting with. I'm not bi and I just want friends

This will probably be long winded so apologies in advance. TW: partner relapse
My partner 30m(PA/Love Addict) is in recovery and has been going to meetings for several years and is quite dedicated to his sobriety from what I've (32f) seen but he's also become increasingly controlling in what seems to be every facet of my life he can sink his teeth into and I feel like this weekend it has reached a new level of red flag alert.
Backstory- We've been dating for a little over a year and I knew before our first date that he identified as a SA because I shared upfront that I was a recovering alcoholic w 2y sobriety; I never saw his addiction as a hinderance rather a minor inconvenience and a bit ironic as I had been involved in the world of FSSW for 8y and currently a stripper going on 6y. I'm sure you can smell the toxicity forming from whereever you're reading now..
We had some pretty heated convos and runins with his addiction last year and eventually broke up for several months in late 2023. Took some space and ultimately we decided to give it another shot in Feb 2024. Except he introduced an ultimatum/condition that I somehow became complicit in, despite mentioning it was an absolute no go for me initially. He said it was his "boundary' that he could not progress further in our relationship given my status as a stripper working in the club. We made plans to move in by May and I took into account the months of couples counseling we've been attending, hoping that would help ease the transition and give us time to work out some kinks. So, the ultimatum- he will not move in with me and commit to me long term if I do not stop working in the strip club (I made the decision to stop doing FS several months into our relationship last year so that isn't an issue). When I agreed to this proposal, I was already missing a lot of work due to chronic back pain and nerve damage from dancing for so long/not conditioning well enough, etc and knew I wanted to eventually transition into a more fulfilling and engaging work environment, something more aligned with me and my interests/education. No biggie I thought, just a hopeless romantic trusting in love that became convinced it's normal to meet a partner that can't handle their partner being a dancer as I've seen it so often with my coworkers. Anyhow, the ultimatum became a huge source of contention as I realized I wasn't ready to quit by our May move in date; I had been avoiding work altogether and depleted my emergency savings because he said by me going to work at the strip club is me choosing to engage in my addiction and middle circle- he is adamant I have a sex addiction and pushes on this often. I don't deny I have a dysfunctional relationship to sex and intimacy but I've been in trauma, talk, emdr therapy, etc for over a decade with various providers and have overcome an extensive amount of my trauma that has led to seeking validation via promiscuity. I digress, as an alcoholic that has 7+ cumulative years sober in my adult life, I do understand addiction, which always feels dismissed or discounted. He thinks I'm in denial and it sparks a whole separate issue.
Blah blah blah I could go on and on. Flash forward this weekend... Our first week moving in together. It's been an emotionally taxing few months between me incessantly looking to find a job to no avail, interviewing and submitting applications for hours a day on top of co-parenting my toddler with her bio dad, and feeling like I am constantly having to make myself available to cater to my partners emotional insecurity. Anyway, I flew out of town a few days ago to spend the weekend with my family and first mother's day with my mom and kiddo and he relapses the first night I'm gone. Not some two second middle circle engagement but full on masturbation/completion which is inner circle and something I've only known him to do one other time last year while we were dating. The nature of material and content consumer is what has me infuriated, feeling violated, beyond betrayed, fetishized, and secretly hated. When I tried to express this, he said I was shaming him and taking advantage of the vulnerability and honesty he's shared with me and it was essentially an entire day of screening texts from him that were hurtful and hateful and eventually ended on how he feels isolated and alone and disrespected bc I don't see him as a dad and the list goes on and on and on and on. Seriously I can't remember a day, much less an hour where I wasn't being criticized for saying something, believing something, doing something, feeling something that doesn't resonate with his worldview. He intellectualizes everything and he uses his intelligence to nitpick and debate until I am drained.
So back to the issue at hand- the nature of the material was forums where sex worker johns/tricks were discussing what it's like to be with sw providers and stripper porn vids so I'm like ............. Can you not see how this is completely deranged on some level? The level of control and manipulation to get me out of the club... He even went as far as to tell me how he was thinking about frequenting one of the strip clubs or picking up a destitute worker off the street as I'm out of town. With my daughter, for mother's day, hours before he relapsed. Something more alarming is that he fails to see much of a difference with this than other types of vids, etc even though it is extremely personal now (no this was not his go to before and he disclosed it was a new development as of this month). With this failure to hold himself accountable he just keeps asking me to inform him how it hurts and go into detail after detail so he can understand better. At this point a part of me feels like he enjoys hearing how it affects me so detrimentally as he often gets turned on after I am vulnerable with him.
I just don't know where to go from here. I told him I have made other temporary living accommodations since this transpired so quickly after moving in together. I'm torn bc a part of me wants to continue working on our relationship and build a future together. But another part of me knows that being alone and a little unhappy occasionally is a lot more manageable and desirable than being in a relationship and miserable with someone else that fails to see the very real pressure and angst being applied. The emotional and mental load it's taken has seriously decreased my ability to feel much on any given day aside from resentment, sadness, and fits of anger. I feel very alone and confused as to how to proceed and genuinely want to know how worth it is to other women that have gone through similar experiences, whether on not investing into someone like that pays off or if it's just a dead end with more trauma to overcome for myself eventually. Not to mention he told me I was getting fat on mother's day. For reference, I am 5'7 and 128 lbs currently. I will deflect and joke that my looks are the only thing I'm not self conscious about considering I get paid for them so IDC. Even though this has continually come up for months now that I haven't stuck to my continuous pole regimen, I've been dealing with back spasms, and just trying to exist as a single mom transitioning into a new career, having my own hobbies, etc.
I guess I want to post this to hold accountability for myself and have some of my concerns validated bc I do get wrapped up in the promises and emotional intimacy we share. I know I have a tendency to be codependent and am working on breaking this cycle but I guess that's why I'm also finding myself back at this point of sink or swim and just disappointed I believed in the bigger picture we painted together.

so i was having a few vivid dreams and then i had this dream, this is where it gets weird/crazy so in my dream it felt like real life and i was laying down in my bed in my room and i looked at my mirror and theres a woman in the mirror sitting down in a orange dress, we locked eyes, and then my heart dropped for some reason (i didnt feel scared at all) and i felt a warm wind pass me from my right side and i ended up getting sleep paralysis and i thought at first it was a entity laying on me and i said to myself in my "dream", "im a god im a divine being i command you get off my chest" but it didnt work, then i remembered that sleep paralysis is just a state if me being in between the dream realm and the real world (which makes me wonder how i got sleep paralysis in a dream?) so i knew my body was just in a sleeping state so i took advantage of that and i astral projected and when i projected, my body floated out and floated up torward the ceiling and i turned around and saw my body and then everything kind of faded and i ended up back in my body and i opened my eyes and i checked my phone and it was 333pm (in real life it was probably around 11:55am) and my dad texted me Yo u up (and then in real life when i woke up and checked my phone he actually texted me Yo u up) im very confused wether this was real life or a dream

So I know that everyone loves differently and all that, and it’s cliche to be like “oh, I love him” “im in love” as a teenager but it isn’t like that for me. I’m not sure Ben big on trying to find romance my 15 years of life so far. I haven’t had a boyfriend before and this guy, he’s more than JUST a guy to me, he was my great guy friend before I started liking him, before we started liking each other like over a year ago. I feel like my connection with him is great. We’d talk on the phone, we’d spend every second together at school when we could together and there’s more to it, ofc but idk if I should get into that. The thing is, I’ve always been big on not wanting to be in a relationship. Not wanting to explore the whole romance thing. I’ve just always known I wanted to focus on school, but it happened, I liked him, he’d be there by my side all the time, carrying my stuff, forehead kisses dropping me off at classes, so much more. He was just into me and wasn’t scared to show it. But we weren’t “together” and I told him even before, he knew how I was before we started liking each other that I didn’t wanna date anyone. Anyway, things went down, we stopped talking as we would before but I miss him, I know he misses me too and I told him the other day when we were hanging out at school, then I texted him this whole thing, and lowkey didn’t really bother talking about it. And I’ve been taking to my teacher about it, he said I should try to think about what makes me happy before thinking about the issues that might arise and put me first and all that, but the issue is I’m a huge over thinker and idk what to do. I just kinda want someone to listen to me

Hey guys, so i met up with my ex yesterday. We broke up back in February. She initiated it because of some past actions of mine. We kept in contact post break up mainly me begging and pleading until i backed off and went no contact. Last week she got me up randomly asking for a pair of glasses she left in my car the first year we started dating (3 years ago) which to out knowledge they were lost. I never the less said i’d look for them and i found them. She was excited and asked if we can meet up. In my mind it was just gonna be a quick meet up but she ended up telling me to meet up at the mall so we can eat some gelato because she was in the mood (it was one of our go to places when we were dating). After that she asked if i would accompany if i wasn’t in a hurry to look at clothes and try them on and make a quick run to the supermarket (malls where i live have supermarkets), i said ok. (we used to do these things while dating)
overall the vibe was nice, we talked about our recent things and what we are up to. I didn’t mention anything from the past. Just wanted to keep a fresh new vibe going.
after i asked her how she got to the mall and she said she took an uber, i asked if she would like me to drop her off at her house since it’s in the way to mine and she said yes. and we just kept talking normally with no pressure but by her body language i could tell she was comfortable and subtly touching my arm and her leg touching mine and things like that. i dropped her off, said good bye and went home.
but i don’t know what to do, i didn’t text her after dropping her off, neither did she. and today we haven’t spoken .
should i reach out or give it a couple of days and wait if she does ?
but

Hey guys, so i met up with my ex yesterday. We broke up back in February. She initiated it because of some past actions of mine. We kept in contact post break up mainly me begging and pleading until i backed off and went no contact. Last week she got me up randomly asking for a pair of glasses she left in my car the first year we started dating (3 years ago) which to out knowledge they were lost. I never the less said i’d look for them and i found them. She was excited and asked if we can meet up. In my mind it was just gonna be a quick meet up but she ended up telling me to meet up at the mall so we can eat some gelato because she was in the mood (it was one of our go to places when we were dating). After that she asked if i would accompany if i wasn’t in a hurry to look at clothes and try them on and make a quick run to the supermarket (malls where i live have supermarkets), i said ok. (we used to do these things while dating)
overall the vibe was nice, we talked about our recent things and what we are up to. I didn’t mention anything from the past. Just wanted to keep a fresh new vibe going.
after i asked her how she got to the mall and she said she took an uber, i asked if she would like me to drop her off at her house since it’s in the way to mine and she said yes. and we just kept talking normally with no pressure but by her body language i could tell she was comfortable and subtly touching my arm and her leg touching mine and things like that. i dropped her off, said good bye and went home.
but i don’t know what to do, i didn’t text her after dropping her off, neither did she. and today we haven’t spoken .
should i reach out or give it a couple of days and wait if she does ?
but

i posted a day or two ago about how I am in need of mental health treatment that would require me to be out of work. i was concerned with being fired and others on this sub suggested reaching out to sedgwick (thank you again🫶🏻) to make a claim yesterday for a LOA. i called them and started a claim. my manager doesn’t answer texts outside of work for valid reasons, so i thought it best to not even bring it up until i saw her in person. today, before i could even find the time or muster up the courage to approach my SM about it, she confronted me. essentially called me selfish. she said it in professional terms i guess. she was very visibly upset with me. she told me i wasn’t being considerate to the team and that i blindsided her as the schedule for the weeks i requested was about to come out and we are already not a store with high staffing. she told me she’s disappointed with me and my communication. due to my mental health crisis i already had so much anxiety about even requesting an LOA especially considering im a newer partner. she told me she understands i have to do what i have to do but it affects all of them. i genuinely feel so bad. i’m scared she is going to hate me now. my LOA isn’t even approved yet. what if she removes me from the schedule in anticipation of me being out? she’s genuinely a very kind person and i never perceived her as a petty person, but even so i’m also scared that because she’s frustrated with me she’s gonna retaliate. maybe in the form of being more strict with me than everyone else, less patient, less open to approving my days off and things like that. when she confronted me i broke down crying the minute i started telling her im dealing with a mental health crisis. it kind of felt like she was making it about her after. she walked off immediately after expressing her disapproval, then i immediately went back to work. then for the rest of my shift she was seen walking outside on the phone very clearly venting in distress. maybe she was talking to a higher up for guidance. idk. when she came back she wouldn’t even look in my direction. she seemed completely pissed. i had such bad anxiety i was shaking while i was handing out drinks and talking to customers. i don’t want to be seen as a bad employee. i do my best when im there in work fast and efficiently, i don’t slack or wait around to be told what to do. i know im a good worker. i feel like she hates me now and i don’t know what to do. when i was clocking out i said “have a good night” she ignored me. my anxiety can not handle this. i have no idea what to do right now.

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{Sorry for the late post. I had some trouble with my scheduled summer semester pop up so I wasn't able to write this out as much as I wanted last weekend. Anyways, enjoy the domestic fluff of Damian and his newly expanded flock :) }
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-----Damian-----
"The next one's simple. Say their name then (sit). Like this: Braxton, (sit)." As Damian said the command he raised his hand to around shoulder height and snapped. The Great Dane in question slowly sat with his usual amount of sass. Ree cooed in awe and Scales' eyes sparkled. Damian smiled as he pats the large dog's head with praise.
"(Good boy). Ok, you two. Your turns. Make sure to say the commands in English. I haven't taught them Common yet." He motioned to the dogs Damian picked for the two to learn the commands with. It took Damian a bit of trial and error figuring out what commands each dog knew and what ones had different commands for the same motion. Then it took even longer to retrain them to all follow the same commands. He kept in mind the 'specialized' commands for a few of the dogs and didn't try teaching them to the whole group. Ree tried the command he was teaching them first, his dog being Diesel.
"Trii-cheiu, (sit)." Ree raised his wing-arm, though he couldn’t snap he still did the gesture. The boxer he was talking to blankly tilted his head. Damian chuckled and helped out the bird, knowing they all tend to have problems pronouncing new words without a chirp to them.
"You pronounced his name wrong, he doesn't know you're talking to him. It's more like 'Dee-sell'. The 's' is sharp enough it is almost pronounced as a 'z'." Ree practiced a few times as Scales took her try. She pronounced her dog's name a bit slow, but it was recognizable.
"D-ing-oh, (sit)." The stocky dog hesitated, glancing at Damian for a few seconds, but eventually plopped down then panted in a smile imitation. Scales' tail wagged violently, and she wordlessly cooed and trilled happily. Dingo didn't yet understand that was praise so Damian jumped in really quick to let her know she did good.
"Good girl, Dingo! Good girl!" He made sure to over exaggerate his excitement and made wide happy gestures before smothering the dog in pets and scratches. Dingo goes wild. She jumps up, bounces around a few times, then bolts into excited zoomies. A few of the other dogs joined in on the zoomies. Ree tried again on his command.
"Dee-zell, (sit)." The boxer's cropped ears perked and he promptly sat. Before Damian could, Ree copied his bigwing's previous praising and flared his wings. "Good! Good boy!" He praised, overly happy. Diesel's whole body perked up and he jumped up, landed in a playbow, then spun a few times before joining in on the zoomies with a butt-tuck run when Damian smooched at him. Damian laughed at the zooming dogs and shuffled over to be closer to his chicks, just in case the dogs tried to do fly-bys.
"Good job, you two. We're almost completely through the basic commands. I didn't think we'd get through them this quickly." His chicks cooed, trilled, and wiggled happily at the praise. Damian chuckled and rubbed their feathered heads, making a few bits of baby-fluff fall off as he drew back. He played with the few bits stuck to his fingers and watched his chicks play with the dogs as they started to wrestle. All of the dogs were bigger than them, if only slightly, but they were gentle when letting the chicks join in.
As they played he looked over them. They had changed a lot in the last month or so since the disaster of their first flying lesson. In that time, they had a few more lessons and were almost completely capable of flight, they still had a bit of supervision when they did though. They had lost almost all of their baby-fluff and their adult plumage was sported on the vast majority of their bodies. They still had to shed the last bits of fluff and a few of their baby-scales but that wouldn't take much longer. Damian was still taken with their coloring and patterns. And often found himself studying them over and over like he used to with their parents when he first got here.
Ree was a slightly grey-tinted shade of green with his scales slowly getting darker the higher they went. His stomach was a dirt brown color with a more red-ish clay spot on his chest. All his plumage was a light orage-ish brown color and he had speckles of more pastel green under his right eye and in a clump on his left jaw. His beak took the coloring of Blueberry's, a near-black color, but had the shape of Ruby's. His ears took after Violet's, long and pointed like a stretched fox's. His feathers and fur were more pressed down and made him look slimmer overall. His eyes changed from their baby brown-gold color to a beautiful sky blue.
Scales, on the other hand, had the coloring more towards a bumble bee (from what he remembered anyways). Her main coloring was a bright sunshine yellow that slowly grew more towards orange towards her underbelly and beak. On her chest was a splash-like clump of pink feathers. Her scales were less than her brother's and were a deep brown-ish color. The feathers and fur edging them were a deep enough brown to basically be black. Her plumage reminded him somewhat of Ruby and Sky's. It had a gradual fade towards the end like Sky but the pink-ish color of Ruby. She had near-neon yellow speckles too, like her brother, but the clumps were a bit larger. She had them ending on her wing-forearms like Violet's and a big clump scattered around the left side of her face. Her feathers weren't quite as fluffy as Sky's but was pretty close. Her beak had the shape of Violet's and the near-white tan color of Ruby's. Her eyes had a beautiful dual color in each eye. The top majority was a hot pink/magenta color while the bottom and inside edge was more of a petal/pastel pink.
Both were gorgeous and made Damian wonder how the genetics of their species worked to allow that vast difference in coloration and patterns when compared to all four of their parents, who tended to be different shades of the same color throughout. Ree had finally slowed his quite concerning growth rate and was starting to level out around Damian's upper thigh/lower hip, exceeding the taller of his fathers by quite the margin. All four of his parents telling him that Ree was probably one of the largest of their species in multiple generations. Scales was now barely a third of her brother's size, if that, having evened out just barely shorter than Damian's knee. Apparently that was a bit shorter than average for the species with Ruby being more towards the upper part of the average size and Sky being borderline short.
A demanding snort drew his attention away from his chicks and to the window he claimed as 'his spot' so long ago (was it really only just over one of his years since he was brought here?). There he found Casper lazily curled and dozing on the floor with Ares propped up against her where Damian had set him to nap while he taught his chicks. Said child was no longer asleep though. He was very much awake and staring Damian down with an expression demanding to know why he thought it was a good idea to even dare to set him down and walk away. Nevermind Damian wasn't even ten steps away. Ares snorted demandingly at him again and glared harder at the human's amused snort back. Damian did walk over though and picked up the child when he raised his arms at him. Ares had changed a bit too over the month Damian had him. He'd filled out to a more healthy-looking weight, though he was still a bit thin, and Damian had finally managed to memorize how to properly trim the toddler's hooves and brush out his fur.
Ares still had the bird-like plush and brought it nearly everywhere with him. Said plush was now being whacked into the side of Damian's head. Apparently, Ares decided being held wasn't good enough and wanted something else. Damian tried blocking the hits or holding the toy, but the little brat only started using his hooves in his growing tantrum. Getting tired of being hit with no explanation, Damian took the advice of one of the texts he'd read about taking care of a Grongri child and yanked Ares away from him by his scruff to hang in mid-air. The toddler wiggled and squirmed to try and hit him more but eventually the tantrum dimmed, and he went limp, a small pout on his face.
"You ready to tell me what's wrong now?" He asked the child before he cradled him again. He'd only made that mistake once. He still had the bruises to prove it. Ares glumly flicked his right ear down (which he's learned is a non-verbal yes), pout still present. Damian finally cradled the toddler to his chest again and let him sniffle and bury against him in self-comfort until he was ready to talk. Damian glanced back at his chicks to see them flopped on the ground with the other dogs, all panting and exhausted by the play. Damian chuckled at them, earning an irritated crow from Scales. Damian snorted in amusement but let them be. Ares was finally willing to tell him what was wrong.
"Want learn too." Ares' understanding of both Common and English has come a long way in the past month. He still can't string a proper sentence together, but Damian can't tell if that is because of a lack of knowledge or just because he's a toddler. He has adjusted to the flock a bit too. With it being so different from the usual Grongri Sounder structure it is understandable. He does have a few hiccups here and there but now he mostly just watches the chicks' reaction to things when he is unsure.
"'Learn too'? You wanna learn how to command the dogs too?" Damian questions, making sure he had the same idea. Ares' ear flicked again while he nodded. Damian hugged him a bit closer.
"You're a bit too small for the dogs to obey you immediately but I can introduce one to you and have you start trying. How about that? Will that work?" Ares was quiet for a bit longer but eventually agreed. Damian smiled and praised him with a few pets, receiving a few happy rumbles in response. Damian glanced around at the dogs, trying to pick one for Ares to start working on. He doesn't think any would follow the commands without his own help but if he worked on one long enough it would eventually cave. His eye landed on Casper, who was still in the same curled position as before. She was the most maternal of the group and was the one who took to the children the easiest and quickest.
"Ok, little piglet. Let's start easy." He said as he set the runt down on his hooves. As he did he got Casper's attention and called to her. "Casper. (Stand)." The large white wolfdog looked at him then crawled to her paws. He praised her softly then turned back to Ares.
"Ok. We'll start with (come). Say her name, Casper, and tell her to (come)." He said as he sat down next to where the toddler stood. Ares' little hooves stomped a bit in his excitement, but he tried. He tested out the new word before he did. What he settled on wasn't the right pronunciation, but it was close. He could mostly pronounce the command correctly too, though with a pretty heavy accent.
"Gas-prrrr. (Come)." Casper tilted her head at the child and sniffed at him. She looked at Damian and he looked to Ares then back. Casper followed and glanced, then back. Ares deflated eventually when she still didn't approach so Damian thought up something quickly.
"Maybe she doesn't understand your accent. Try this," He patted the ground, "when you say it. She knows that gesture." Ares perked back up again.
"Okie!" He turned back to Casper and tried again. "Gas-prrrr." He crouched down and clumsily patted the ground like only a toddler could. "(Come)." Casper's ears perked but she still hesitated for a second before slowly padding over and stopping right in front of the child. Ares squealed in excitement, tail going wild and hooves stomping. Damian made his chuff-imitation as praise for the child as he pets Casper to do the same. Child happier now, he figures he could take the kid away for lunch without protest. Scooping up the toddler he received no complaint.
Looking to his chicks he clicked his tongue. He learned that was a good way to gain their attention with zero hesitation, no matter what they were doing. He found out by complete accident, to be honest. He was clicking at the dogs from a habit that hasn't broken despite the years away from the farm he grew up on. Sure enough, just like every time before, both chick's heads immediately whip up to look at him. Both still looked groggy like they had just woken up. They probably had.
"C'mon, you two. Lunch time." The two groaned but climbed to their feet. Damian smiled and them and patted them as they passed. Once they were well on their way, he called the dogs and gathered them as he left behind his chicks. The dogs happily trailed after, excited after they heard the word 'hungry' when he asked. He entered the flock's kitchen, pack in tow, only a handful of minutes later. He had to take a slightly more roundabout way over since some of the dogs hadn’t quite figured out the ladder-like walkways and ramps yet and he didn't want them to fall through and get hurt. His birds greeted him with their usual trills and Untruthful with their latest attempt at teasing.
"So, the Pack Master finally decided to grace us with his presence!" Damian let them know it was a good one by sending a tease back.
"I see you haven't gotten any less spikey yet, walking pincushion." Untruthful's eyes slowly shut in a smile and Damian sent one of his own back, momentarily closing his eyes in an imitation of them. Untruthful looked surprised then they eye-close-smiled harder, spike-crest wiggling their excitement. Damian chuckled at them and set down Ares in his make-shift baby seat.
He chatted with Violet as he grabbed and rationed out the dogs' small lunch. He ignored the protesting whines, grunts, and half-barks urging him to 'go faster already'. Violet advised him to use one type of meat instead of another because of both better nutrients for the dogs and there being more of it. He thanked her and did as told. The dogs' lunch wasn't that big, more of a snack than anything, but it kept them from pouting and begging when everyone else ate. It also had helped him give them meds when they were still healing. They were mostly fine now, apparently Galactic Standard medicine works faster than the stuff he remembers. Finishing with the dogs' food he picks up the bowls, stacking a few to do so, and turns around. He walked past the dogs, chuckling at the excited spins, bounces, and tippy-taps they did as they followed him. He glanced back at them once he made it to the wall the flock had designated as their eating area.
He gave them a stern look and waited. They all eventually sat down, some more slow and reluctant than others. Once they did he placed down the bowls in the designated spots. Braxton and Casper had two stepstool-stand things he placed their bowls on because of how big they were. Once all the bowls were down he turned to look at the dogs. He waited in silence for a bit, snapping or humming warningly whenever one tried to shuffle forward. Once he deemed it long enough he gave the sort-of-command he was on the tail end of teaching them.
"(Ok)." When he said that all six dogs ran over to their bowls and started to eat. Damian strode back over to the counter and helped his birds move some plates to the table then settled cross-legged in his usual spot, Ares immediately crawling into his lap and Scales fluttering to perch on the shoulder opposite the side her brother sat on. The flock started to grab food and eat as they chatted with each other. Damian grabbed a little more than a double portion of fruits, beans (or maybe they were berries?), and a few crunchy finger foods he thinks may be cooked or specially prepared insects. He grabbed roughly more than a single portion (for someone his size anyways) of meats, the few root vegetables presented, and what he thinks may be foods made of bone pieces.
Once his plate was full he placed it down in front of him he reached over to grab a smaller plate and started making that one with tiny portions, letting his three kids have free pickings of his plate as he did. When he finished that plate he sat it in front of mini, receiving a grateful squeak before she dug in. He then propped his arms on the table, completely ignoring both his plate and the children stealing from it as he chattered on with his flock. By the time everyone finished his kids had their fill and were starting to fall asleep like usual after eating.
As his flock started gathering their dishes and the extra food on the table, Damian glanced at what was left of his plate. He made a mental note of how there weren’t as much leftovers as before and to grab bigger portions for dinner. As his flock started to disperse he looked to the dogs and said one of the first new commands he taught them.
"(Pups)." He got their attention. "(Take)." He ordered as he lifted up the half-asleep toddler on his lap. The dogs made whisper-boofs to show they heard and the largest three walked over to pick up the kids by their scruffs. Casper (the biggest, though not my much) grabbed Ree, Braxton grabbed Ares, and Dingo walked over to carefully lift Scales from his shoulder. Once they had a firm grip, they looked to Damian for further instruction.
"(To bed)" He directed as he pointed out the door they came from. The pack turned and left him alone in the room. He sighed to himself once he couldn't hear them anymore and looked back at the leftovers on the plate before him. It was maybe under half a portion for his size, probably less. He glanced at the counters and saw all the leftover food was already put up. He could go grab more but even half a portion for him would be nearly three or four large portions for his flock. No. It wasn’t worth it. He'll just grab more tonight.
He ate the leftovers in silence. Since he's got the dogs his head has been a bit quieter, though not silent. Apparently he was still enough for the building to register the room as empty, and the lights cut out. He blinked and paused at the sudden darkness but there was barely a second of blindness before some of his voices put their hands on his mental controls, giving his eyes a boost of minor night vision. It wasn’t much better than his natural amount of it but it helped. He decided not to go turn on the lights again and continued to eat his food as he peacefully listened to the soft chattering of his voices.

Just want to preface with, I’m going to the doctor’s office tomorrow morning, not just shaking a subreddit like a magic eight ball for important decisions on my physical health.
I don’t have an official diagnosis. I have had a doctor suggest ED as a strong possibility because of a number of health problems that have cropped up (always been there, but just gotten bad enough to severely inhibit mobility to the point my medical-gaslit-ass dragged myself to the doctor…a lot of them…because this is the worst game of telephone ever).
In the past 2 years, I have only started realizing how much hypermobility & subsequently chronic pain affect my quality of life and ability to perform simple self care like dishes, laundry, bathing, etc.
This morning I realized my toe was super sore and stiff. So I thought it needed to stretch (stupid in hindsight). And now I’m 95% sure that it is some flavor of dislocated…because it’s bent weird (subtle for anyone who isn’t me), it’s numb, it doesn’t move like the other one does, and it’s sending weird pain & weakness up all the way to the outside of my knee, causing it to buckle. I think it was dislocated beforehand, but I accidentally made it worse.
I’m afraid of going to the doctor to be gaslit once again. I’ve had to stop seeing 3 separate physical therapists because they dismissed my issue, acted condescending, and only replied to my questions/concerns with platitudes & acted like I was perfectly healthy and they were simply humoring me.
I’m trans, queer, autistic, & soft spoken. I have enough issues with communicating clearly as is, it’s infuriating to have to seek out help I so desperately need over and over and over again. I’m entirely financially reliant on my mother because I can’t hold down a job. I can’t stand up in the shower, I can’t bathe, do dishes, take out trash, do laundry, etc. nearly as often as I’d prefer (and is healthy). And my family doesn’t believe me. And my doctors are evasive.
I’m not giving up, I’m getting through it with gritted teeth and a bit more Ibuprofen than is recommended like I always have, but goddamned if I am not exhausted.
And angry, and so upset that I can’t do the things I want to do like see friends and respond to texts because of how much of my energy just goes into functioning on less than the bare minimum.
I’m going to bother all the right ppl until I find someone who listens, but fucking hell this sucks. I have a stupid high pain tolerance because of all the shit my body does on the regular, migraines so bad I throw up
So it makes it really hard to find anyone who will listen. I say pain and they hear drug seeker. I don’t even want any pain killers for a number of other physical & mental health reasons. I just want a diagnosis and some fucking help. Physical therapists who know how to work with someone with hypermobility.
I’m just so angry and disgusted and sad I’m spending so much time asking for anyone to listen to the words coming out of my mouth instead of making a laundry list of assumptions about me & my body that’s somehow boils down to being treated as subhuman. I’d never dream of treating my worst enemy half as bad as I’ve been treated by doctors.
So I guess any advice/ words of encouragement would be appreciated.
I’m 23, and I used to be active (not as much or as consistently as I’d prefer, but like I could do a 5 mile steep hilly hike with minimal/moderate soreness the next few days). I was the most active I’ve ever been in the year of 2020, had a house working job. I was doing anywhere from 10,000-30,000 steps a day, and I was tired, but I was functional (no serious mobility issues, able to complete everyday tasks/chores with relative ease).
During that year I sprained my ankle and it didn’t present as a classic sprain (minimal bruising/swelling to where it was almost unnoticeable & able to move almost normally—even though it was excruciating—). I begged my mom to take me to the doctor and she gaslit me, guilted me about money, asked family members who work in healthcare over the phone about it while completely minimizing the pain I was in. So I dropped it. She made me feel stupid and weak because she’s miserably insecure & can’t emotionally regulate herself without lashing out at everything & everyone around her.
I worked my super active job on a sprained ankle for months. I was in debilitating pain for 3 months after, my ankle would stop working and my leg would give out, but I didn’t know what to do. So I didn’t do anything. It eventually felt better bit by bit until the symptoms came and went. Until my ankle was unreliable but passable to walk & work on.
I moved away for college and got more sedentary in 2021. My ankle kept the on again off again symptoms until my dad died in 2021 & I was so depressed it was all I could do to feed myself, take a shower every 3-4 days, and attend my classes. Then the symptoms came & didn’t go away one day. And I tried to stay off my feet but they kept getting worse. I was nearly bed-bound by 2022, in so much I couldn’t sleep more than 2-4 hours at a time, and I finally sought help. I had to ask my roommate’s parents to take me to the physical therapist twice weekly for 6 weeks. Because I didn’t have a car, I couldn’t afford to Uber, and there was no one else.
I got better, but not good. I’m still struggling. I can’t go up my steps. I also developed moderate/severe carpal tunnel at the same time as my ankle getting fucked. Everything is tiring and difficult. And my mom keeps asking my to walk her monster dog, which makes everything worse, because she wants to keep me under her thumb.
I have a car now. I have a job that’s mostly sitting 4 days a week, so I have a little bit of money, enough for doctors visits & groceries. But I’m tired.
I’m here, I’m still fighting, but I’m tired and struggling to accept that I’m physically disabled. I already knew that I had a number of non-physical disabilities, I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to really accept that it’s more now. I mean I know why, because our social worth is ‘productivity’ based and I can’t do that anymore.
It would be so much easier if people understood that disabled doesn’t have a look. That it doesn’t matter that I’m young & have a smaller build, my body doesn’t give a shit about any of that, my joints are fucked up regardless of how old I am, how I look, or feel about it. 🙃
And it’s looking like I might have to up the doctor schedule a bit because my foot is now going numb. Just what I needed. /s 🙏

It feels like all the social progress I made is slipping through my fingers and I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I (22F) have been friends with a girl (22F) and her boyfriend (22M) for two years now- I met them separately, and it was a funny coincidence to learn that they were dating after already befriending them both. She is outgoing, popular, and funny and he is quiet, creative, and kind. I started college during COVID, and it was pretty tough for me to meet people. I was pretty lonely tbh. I have ADHD and get very excited when making friends, which I know can turn some folks off, but they seemed to appreciate my energy. After making friends with them, I finally felt like a real college student. I was getting invited by them to parties, going out for meals, etc.
Last year, I would go out for dinner 1:1 nearly weekly with the girl and then hang out with them both at group events. I really enjoyed getting to hang out with her- we would always laugh and have a lot of fun. I am well aware I’m not apart of her inner circle of friends (they all went on vacation over spring break and I wasn’t invited, not that I expected to be), but I still like to think she enjoys my company.
Starting in the fall, it felt like something shifted. We would make plans, and then that evening something would come up, or she wouldn’t be feeling well. When our plans did materialize, she began to last minute decide to bring someone else along, typically her boyfriend. This was fine, as I was friends with them both and didn’t mind. It’s the end of the year and we’ve probably hung out a total of 3-4 times (with many more cancelled), only once 1 on 1. We graduate next week. I’ve tried giving her some space this semester, but thought it would be nice to hang out one last time. The plans were rain-checked from Saturday, to yesterday, to tomorrow. I get a text today asking if it was cool that her best friend comes along. I don’t at all dislike this person, but they are much closer to each other than they are to me, so I know I’ll end up third wheeling. It’s very hard for me to get a read on how the friend feels about me, where at least when the boyfriend comes, we all get along.
Do I ask to just hang out 1:1? Would it just make things awkward? Am I bothering her? Am I being jealous? Do I try to engage and have fun anyways? I don’t even know. I have a history of feeling like a third wheel + feeling left out in social situations so that is definitely making me feel more sensitive about this, so I don’t know if I’m overreacting.

i hope this is the right place bc i don't know where else to go. it's a subject i've wanted to tackle in therapy, we got into it a little bit last session but haven't really been able to dive in yet. she seems to think it's a combination of trauma stuff plus some test results we haven't reviewed yet. but therapy is obviously a process and hopefully some people here would have some insight that can help me in the meantime.
i mean, im head over heels. we were seeing each other for some time last year but both realized the timing was wrong and decided to end things, and now we're back together. she's gorgeous, funny, interesting, and i just love her. i blush at the thought of her. and i don't know why i struggle to express it so much. if im texting or writing it out, i have time to think my words through and not make a fool out of myself. but in real life im a very quiet person who likes to just chill (my love language is just getting to spend quality time with each other), and she's more talkative and expressive. im happy just existing in the space but she likes to be more verbal. i don't think that is a bad thing, i know plenty of successful introvert/extrovert couples. but i get crazy anxious thinking that my inability to match the energy comes off shitty. and my anxiety tends to make me withdraw even more into myself. it gets to the point where i have trouble getting any words out at all, which worsens the aforementioned anxiety, and it just becomes a self-defeating cycle. now i get anxious at just the idea of hanging out because it's like that cycle will lead to me messing things up irreparably. and of course i have trouble even saying that much because i just don't know how to express it properly. i know the issue is somewhere within me, but i couldn't deal if she thought it was her fault.
she told me she has attachment issues, and i wonder if i don't have them in the opposite way. she feels like she has to cling, but being clung to makes me feel overwhelmed and anxious (which is probably where my therapist thinks the trauma plays a part in this). and it isn't just her: even if one of my discord servers gets too active in a short time, the wave of notifs overwhelms me and makes me withdraw. i hate having that reaction at all, but especially so in a relationship.
does anyone else have similar problems and know have any idea as to why i'm this way?? how do you navigate this?? at this point it just feels like i'm not built to be loved, but that thought terrifies me

Little disclaimer, when I talk about women, I am not talking about women as a whole, just the ones I interact with. I don’t really know what to do anymore with my social life, or my life in general. It seems that nobody ever really wants to talk to me, and the ones who do are the ones who want to tear my life apart. Being born male in a female majority school doesn’t help, but worse, most women here were given the idea as children that most men are creepy and psychotic. I tried changing my identity, dyed my hair, started wearing skirts, told people I was agender. It’s not like I’m faking it, I never considered myself a man, and masculinity is repulsing to me; but that only increased my isolation to society. If socializing didn’t exist, I would be perfectly fine in my own little world of block games and electronic music. Being autistic gives me a new world away from the drag of social life, but it doesn’t do enough to stop the steady decline of my mental health- in fact, it makes it worse. At times, I struggle to find a will to live, and I doubt anyone would give a fuck other than my family. I can’t talk to anyone without making myself look like a dumbass, my tone of voice creeps people out. I have addictions to internet stuff (nsfw) that all dudes seem to have, and now it’s impossible for me to see myself as anyone but a danger to society, women specifically. I lose some control of my behavior whenever there’s a girl next to me, and my thoughts go into very fucked up places. Therapy isn’t doing shit for me, considering that I only get to text message my therapist through a particularly frustrating website, and my therapist responds very generically. I feel like I would find more use through character.ai than that shit. Chances are, I don't deserve help anyways, having addictions like that and doing horrible shit as a child. I'm probably not worth much to society, and I doubt anyone would care as much if a dude died. It’s not like I’m a completely worthless person; I have some creative talents, hell, I’m in an arts school for them, and despite my lack of work ethic, I could probably make a career out of something. But if I have no chance of making lasting relationships to keep me happy, no romance (bc we all know at this rate I ain’t gettin no bitches), I’m not sure I want to live this life; It would just be continuous suffering without any aid or attention. At this point, I’m just clueless on how to go forward. Women despise me simply for my physical gender, nobody wants to get involved with my problems because I'm not really important to anyone. Redditors, most of y’all are probably dudes as well, what should I do?

I don’t even know where to begin! For starters, myself and Jessica both had to work today and were unable to watch any of the lives that were held. (Thank you to those that have tried to keep me updated so I know what needs to be addressed) Unlike DD, I have priorities that require my attention and because of that, I don’t have the ability to go live for hours on end! I’m going to try my best to hit some bullet points with this post and I’ll be open to answering questions if further clarification is needed. I want to start by saying I DID NOT say that DD has taken thousands of dollars from people! What I said was she was probably not the best person to expose Kerrie when she’s taken money from people herself! Mandy being number 1 and she’s already admitted she’s taken from a couple others! Some of those debts were paid back (not by her) prior to exposing Kerrie so she would feel safe in doing so! Now let’s talk about this $700 that she claims to have said no to me over! First of all, I would have never even mentioned this situation, so she has herself to thank for this! Since this is a situation that involves dry begging, we can refer to this as example #1 of why her and Kerrie are much alike! 😉 DD repeatedly told myself and Jessica that she didn’t know what she was going to do because she “didn’t realize” that her tabs, inspection etc on her car had expired and she would need around $700 to get it legal again. I am not a rich woman! Who would be with a family as large as mine? But my dad had just passed away and I was left a “rainy day fund”. After seeing her stress over her car and knowing she was waiting on child support to go thru, I DID offer to lend her the money! Initially DD said no and we discussed other options for her to handle it. A day or 2 later, she privately called me without Jessica (most of the time it was all 3 of us) and mentioned that she may need to take me up on the offer and I told her the offer still stands and to let me know because I do not use the apps for money and I’d have to have one of my adult children send it for me when they returned home from work. Later that day, “God was good” and her child support cleared! Problem solved! (I will mention here that days later Jessica and I were confused when she said her mom and sister helped) but either way, she figured it out and didn’t require my help! Point in even explaining all of this is she likes to paint herself in a light where she is holier than thou and would never take from anyone!! 🙄
Next.. the wardrobe! On no planet did I ever offer to buy her a wardrobe! Like most mornings, myself, DD and Jess were on the phone! We were discussing the trip that they would be going on together in April. Jessica was talking about outfits she had gotten herself for the trip and texting us pics while we were talking. I felt bad for DD who I knew couldn’t afford to do the same, so I text her and said “pick a few outfits off Shein, send me screenshots and sizes and I’ll order them for you” I also put “shhhh” because no one needed to know that she didn’t get them for herself! Her response was not NO! It was “ok once I get home! Thank you Christine!” She immediately mentioned it on the phone call and I told her she didn’t have to. Her response was that she didn’t care if Jessica knew. At that point, all 3 of us were on SHEIN and sending pics in text of options for DD. (See how her story holds only partial truths?) I can also provide screenshots of this if necessary! Now in the end, nothing was ever ordered because she never officially told me exactly what she wanted and our friendship ended before I was able to fulfill the offer. Her part of that trip was also canceled due to Jess walking away when I did! Mikey and the homeless mission… the plan was Mikey was taking a train to somewhere in NY and DD was driving an hour to go pick him up from there! Morning of, DD texts Jessica and I and asks for $50 from each of us! We both said NO! I made mention of how expensive it would be, asked why she was no longer getting him, and couldn’t understand why Mikey needed money when he had previously been offering to help others get there! (All in texts 😉) The story seemed sketchy and I privately told Jess I would reach out to Mikey to verify. Mikey DID verify that there was an issue with the bus or train (I’m not familiar with transportation in the NY area) and he did verify that DD sent him $200. Jessica and I had both spent ALOT of money on the mission itself already and were not willing or able to contribute more, especially for something that wasn’t 100% necessary for it to be a success… though Mikey turned out to be an asset that day! I will add that I had no idea she received “blessings” from 2 people that were present and if my math is correct, she would have ended up with $250 from it. $100 from each of the 2 people and another $50 from someone who wasn’t there! 🤷‍♀️ (just going off what she said in her rambling) The PIZZA!! 🤣🤣 did I ask Luci (who’s name I promised I wouldn’t mention but DD did) if she gave her money for the pizza? Yes I did! Not so I could be like her and mention it publicly (in fact I told Luci I wasn’t going to) I only asked because that was sent by someone for me and DD went out of her way to talk shit on Luci and her wife to Jess and I and how they didn’t even offer to help pay for it! We were taken back by that because why should she care when she didn’t spend a dime on it? Weird right? It made Jess and I wonder all this time if they did in fact pitch in and DD kept the money.. I was happy to learn that they did offer but DD declined! Please take note that the biggest issue here was DD repeatedly complaining about Luci and her wife when they were there busting their ass to help with the homeless stuff!
** if you haven’t picked up on it yet, there were lots of little instances where we began to question her character**
Now to the Mandy business… I’m not here to speak for Mandy or be her mouthpiece! Mandy is NOT the reason that DD and I are no longer friends! DD was well aware of the fact that Mandy and I talk. In fact, she was the one that would run to me to go fix things with Mandy for her! I became quite the mediatocounselor between the 2 of them and was CONSTANTLY telling DD that she needed to make up her mind and quit stringing her along if she didn’t want a relationship of any kind! Twice I asked DD if she’s ever outright told Mandy that she only wanted to be her friend and nothing more.. her loud response was “she should know that” to which I replied “it’s a yes or no question. Maybe that’s what I need to talk to Mandy about” and she shut the idea down very quickly by saying it would send Mandy in to an anxiety attack and “she knows her better than anyone” here’s one of those moments that make you go hmmmm 🤔
My thumbs hurt at this point and my kid has a band concert in 45 mins so I’ll stop here for now! Please feel free to ask questions or bring my attention to anything else that she’s said about me that needs to be addressed!

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now. For a little background, I was previously a very abusive relationship with my ex husband.
Things have been going very well overall until recently, we started hitting a few bumps in the road. He has historically been exceptionally supportive and empathetic but now sometimes in arguments he shuts down, gets defensive, and easily frustrated with me. The other day, he initiated making dinner plans with me but then two hours before it was supposed to happen, he texts me and says he has to pick his brother up from surgery and so our plans got bumped. I initially thought, ok, no big deal, thinking something was seriously wrong. But nope, a planned surgery that he told me nothing about and mentioned nothing about needing to pick him up. I don’t expect him to tell me every aspect of his day but surely that should have been communicated in some form.
I had had a very stressful day at work and had been looking forward to dinner all day, so when he told me I got very sad. I will admit that it was probably out of proportion to the situation, which I communicated. But he seemed to be very frustrated with my reaction and I got a sort of cold “I’m sorry” and he said he needed to help his brother. Well duh, I’m not some cold hearted bitch. The issue was the lack of communication and not providing any sort of validation for my feelings. When I brought it up later that I felt invalidated, he got very defensive and said “well I said I was sorry!” And “I’m doing the best that I can”… which is really different than how he previously used to respond.
I generally feel like I’m a pretty reasonable person, albeit that sometimes I get strong emotions when I’m tired or have had a long day, but I’m able to realize that and communicate that. I’m afraid I’ve fallen into the same type of situation as before. Im wondering if he is starting to really show me who he is.. and figuring out if I should run or wait and see if things improve. I just don’t know if my history is making me overly suspicious or if this is normal.

Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/thewestwing/s/uXuKNSRobK
The Definitive S 6/7 Shuttle Leak Post
This post contains spoilers for Seasons 6 and 7 of the West Wing
I'm writing this post because I want one definitive place to write down all the reasons why we know Toby was the sole person to leak the military space shuttle story to Greg Brock of the New York Times (NYT) near the end of Season 6.
Let me say up front that I think this storyline was ham-fisted, ill-advised, out of character, and poorly written. I dislike it strongly and it's a very weak point for a show that was starting to get good again after the nadir of season 5.
Here is the case I am going to make: Toby was the only person who leaked the military shuttle story to Greg Brock of the New York Times. No other suspect is possible and, in fact, the show confirms to us that it was Toby. However, as we learn in season 7, there is room for Toby to potentially implicate CJ though he ultimately refuses to do so.
To fully examine the leak we need to break it up into two pieces:

1. Who leaked the existence of the military space shuttle to Greg Brock of the New York Times? 2. How did the person who leaked the information come by it in the first place and did that person learning about the shuttle mean that any other people acted improperly? 

Let's tackle #1. This should be easy as Toby admits, first to CJ and then later to the White House Counsel and the President, that he is the leak. Furthermore, he later has private conversations with Andy and CJ where he does not take back his admission of being the leak. To blame any other person we have to assume that Toby is lying. However, this has not stopped many people from claiming just that - that Toby lied about being the leak to "protect" someone else. So, in order to prove that it was Toby we actually need to show that it could not have been anyone else. We'll address each person in descending order of how often they seem to get blamed for being the leak and Toby needing to "take the fall" for them.
CJ: I've seen many people claim that CJ was actually the leak and Toby, seeing that CJ was about to get pinned for it, fell on the sword to protect her. I think a lot of this comes from the fact that CJ was, in a way, indirectly responsible - but we will touch on that later in #2. For now I just need to show that CJ didn't leak the information to Greg Brock of the NYT. I think I only need one piece of evidence for this as it is rather airtight - Greg Brock comes to CJ and, in a conversation where they are alone, tells her that he has been ordered to report to prison for not revealing his source for the military shuttle story. CJ implores him to reveal his source. If CJ was, in fact, his source this conversation makes no sense whatsoever. CJ could simply reveal herself rather than asking Greg Brock to do it for her.
Andy: I see Andy blamed to a lesser extent than CJ, but it still pops up here or there. But it can't be Andy. First, we know from the internal investigation that the person who leaked the story works in the West Wing of the White House (S6:E22) - this immediately rules her out. But then I have seen others claim that Toby told Andy who then leaked the story. But this too does not hold water. Andy and Toby have a private conversation in S7:E15 that clearly shows that Andy didn't have anything to do with the leak - it is another conversation that doesn't make any sense whatsoever if Andy participated in the leak.
The President - I saw this one for the first time today, which actually finally got me to write this post. The theory goes that Toby has access to the President as seen in their plan to save Social Security and that they together concocted a plan for Toby to leak the existence of the military shuttle which then forced the President's hand to use it. But, this doesn't make sense. The President is enraged by the leak and orders Toby to help lead an investigation to find the source. If the President had wanted to use the military shuttle he could always have done so without acknowledging its existence - we know this because it is exactly what ends up happening. Finally, it is unlikely that the President would have been conflicted about the pardon if Toby was participating in a plan they both enacted.
Narrative structure and what the show was trying to do... The writers were, quite blatantly, setting up a twist. From the very moment we learn about the shuttle leak (Annabeth bursting into Toby's office and telling him about Greg Brock's shuttle news story cuts directly to an image of CJ alone in her office) the show leads the audience to think that it was CJ and it keeps doing so right up until Toby confesses to CJ in her office that he was the leak. The show keeps throwing things at the viewer to give the impression that CJ was the leak (CJ's conversations with Babish, Toby accusing Kate of giving CJ to the FBI, CJ talking about the last one to get a subpoena being the target of the investigation). In fact, it is clear that within the show the FBI believes it is CJ and is ready to formally accuse her thus forcing Toby's hand as he will not let her get in trouble for something she did not do. The show wants you to think that CJ was the leak because it wants a plot twist when it turns out to be Toby.
2 - Now that we have proven that Toby was the one who leaked the existence of the military space shuttle to Greg Brock of the NYT we can move on to #2 - how did Toby know about the existence of the shuttle and who does this implicate? This is broken into its own segment because it's what the show does - we get one storyline about the leak itself. The build up is the misdirection of the show leading the viewer to believe that it was CJ who was the leak, the climax is CJ about to get accused and Toby then admitting to the being the leak and getting fired. #2 is a separate storyline in the show and is therefore its own topic here. It is pointed out that Toby did not have sufficient security clearance to know about the existence of the military shuttle - so if he leaked it how did he know about it in the first place? The answer: Toby's brother dropped hints about the shuttle but it was ultimately confirmed to Toby when CJ not-so-subtly questioned Toby about it when she herself was trying to uncover its existence (S6:E21).
Season #7 progresses with Toby getting deeper and deeper into the federal investigation into his leak. Finally, he meets with a prosecutor (S7:E15) who threatens to subpoena several current and former members of the Bartlet administration (thus causing mortal damage to the Santos campaign). The prosecutor knows that Toby had to get the information from somewhere as he himself did not know it. This is the instance of Toby protecting CJ that, I believe, causes a lot of people to incorrectly assume that CJ was herself the leak. Toby knew about the military shuttle because CJ was sloppy when they discussed it. The prosecutor wants to charge additional people with crimes related to the leak but Toby will not give them up even though the prosecutor threatens to throw the Presidential election to the Republicans and Andy demands of Toby to just say that it was his (dead) brother. But Toby will not budge - he tells the prosecutor that it would be irresponsible of him to influence a Presidential election and he tells Andy that it wasn't his brother (to her dismay, she wanted Toby to pin it on him so the whole thing will finally be over). The plot conceit here is that Toby is standing up for CJ and his dead brother and will not succumb to threats even if doing so could grant him less punishment and potentially save the Santos campaign.
tl;dr: Toby leaked the existence of the shuttle to the NYT - he admitted it and it doesn't make sense for it to have been anyone else. However, CJ is not without blame as she is the one who, unintentionally, provided Toby with sufficient confidence that the shuttle existed allowing him to go forward with the leak.

I (23F) have been dating 25M for 10 months now. I am so scared I am going to sabotage this relationship because of my insecurities. I am just comparing myself endlessly with his ex and his ex-FWB, and even random girls.
It’s almost like I want to make myself feel anxious and insecure. Information, pictures or texts that I've found through lurking (which I try to stop doing) hurts my feelings but have burned themselves into my head. For example, the summer we started dating he was frequently liking his ex-FWB pictures on IG - some revealing, some not - last one he liked was from a couple of months back, a very revealing one where she had taken a picture from above, angle looking into her tanktop, her tongue was out, nipple piercings visable through her shirt, very suggestive. Him liking provocative pictures of a woman he used to have sex with makes me uncomfortable. He hasn't done it for months now, but I fear it could return around summer when she wears revealing outfits again.
I've also recently realized in a group chat with his friends he added me to, you can look back at messages before you were in the GC. That led me to look way back and see some things from months before we started dating, that still bothers me. Messages about his ex-FWB, how hot she is, how hot it is that she is a masochist (I'm not one), etc. I even saw pictures he had shared in the GC of many, many nudes she had sent him and pictures he took while they were having sex, in many different positions (with her consent, she's into it). It bothers me it looks to be using the same BDSM equipment he uses on me, the same positions he likes me in, etc. It makes me paranoid he's thinking about her when he's having sex with me. From the pictures it was apparent she is more sexually confident than I am, which makes sense given she has a much bigger sexual history than I do, he only just took my virginity, but still, it makes me scared he wishes I was more like her. This thoughts show up in my head almost any time we do anything sexual together, it's horrible.
I also saw a message he sent in the GC 8 days after him and I had met: “I asked \ex-fwb* if she wanted to fuck just now, she's online she’s ignoring me lol”.* This was 8 days after we met, 8 days after he sent a message to that same GC about how he met a cute girl and he thinks that she likes him (me). We weren't official, didn't become so until 5 days after he sent that ex-fwb message, but still, it kind of hurts he wishes to hook up with her once more even after we had met, we had had our first date at that point. Especially also because he has told me multiple times that having sex with her reassured him that sex just as a means to get off wasn't for him, and that it was the emotional intimacy that made it important to him, he said he didn’t even enjoy it, wasn’t even attracted to her body type, etc…. yet he wanted to do it again? I fear he lied to me.
There were also some messages from the past about his ex. He send various different texts various different occasions about how he loves how extremely outgoing and sociable she is and that they can have such intelligent discussions. I feel like him and I never discuss things back and forth. I also am very, very much the opposite of "sociable", I am very quiet and subdued, I like to observe more than anything and talking to strangers makes me nervous. He also send a comment about how his ex, at the time when they were dating, had "perfect big boobs", which makes me insecure since mine are much more on the smaller side.
This is me being insecure. I am aware of that, fully. I want to fix it. I am in queue for therapy, but for now I’m doing my best with what I can do. It is absolutely exhausting, the way everything makes me second guess myself. I've considered breaking up multiple times, even though I love him and really can see myself having a family with him in the future, just because it is so draining and I feel much more insecure now than I ever did before we were dating. The little insecurity that I do show, he will go on to reassure me a tonhe's very loving, supportive and reassuring that he loves me for how I am, he's called me more attractive, trustworthy, more compatible, etc, that any girl he had a relationship with before, so it's not as if he is trying to make me insecure or anything. It's all in my head.
TL;DR: I'm struggling with insecurities in my relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. I find myself comparing myself to his exes and feeling inadequate. I've discovered past messages about his ex-FWB and ex-girlfriend that exacerbate my anxiety, from before we were dating. In these messages he is calling her hot to his friends, seeing the GC nudes she sent him, graphic pictures from when they had sex, which makes me extremely insecure and worried that he prefers her, or is thinking about her when we do stuff.
Also about his ex, about how he thinks she's so amazing for being sociable and outgoing and I am the completely opposite. I worry that he wishes I was more like her.. I feel jealous and uncomfortable with the fact that he has liked his ex-FWB provocative IG pics last summer and I worry he will start liking her pictures again this summer when she starts to wear less clothing again, despite them seemingly not having been in contact since she ghosted him. I'm aware of my insecurities and seeking therapy, but it's not readily available. My boyfriend is supportive, but I fear my insecurities may damage our relationship. How do I repair my insecurities?

I had a friend that I hung out with a year ago. We related to a lot of our mental health issues and he was such an authentic person. I have strong isolating tendencies and I started isolating from him. A few months after I ghosted him, he died. He was hit by a train, so his death wasn’t easy. Now i’m left looking at old text messages of him trying to relink and telling me he missed hanging out, all the while I can see how I slowly went from making excuses to ghosting him.
It’s been 8 months since he died and I had no clue. How do I make things right within myself? I feel beyond guilty for how things will forever be.

Hi everyone!
I (31m) am still trying to figure it all out, I guess just like the rest of us, right? I went to a small east coast liberal arts college to be a writer. When I graduated in 2014, I had been through a variety of coursework and had felt that while I did want to write, I was focused more on "doing", then writing about it someday. I mostly focused on International Affairs and Anthropology spent some time abroad. I had difficulty getting a job after college and leaned into bouncing/security, then barbacking, then bartending, as a means to just get an income while I figured it out. I had a dream of working in intelligence. A decade passed and I had managed to build a successful reputation for myself both in bar management and brand work. During that decade, a lot of life happened. I had a deranged and tumultuous 7 year relationship with an abusive alcoholic bartender. I was offered a dream job after an arduous and competitive hiring process, only to have it rescinded for non-disclosed reasons days before my 30th birthday. Devastated by the job rejection after years of effort and work, I was feeling quite down. At this point I was bartending full time and just feeling completely lost. My long relationship ended in absolute pandemonium due to a total loss of my vehicle while she drove it inebriated. I evacuated myself from the relationship, as my safety was in question and I could no longer let myself be okay with what I was living. It was ugly and I lost most of my things and my pets.
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I felt gutted and defeated. I hung my head in shame and retreated to the cavernous depths of the rickety dive bar I had been working at, not doing much other than working and sleeping. Most of my time was spent feeling sorry for myself in solitude or just wanting it all to end. I felt trapped, scared, and hopeless. I met another woman with whom I now have an amazing relationship. It felt as though she brought color back to my life and gave me the excitement and joy I deserved to feel; the stuff I needed to keep healing and push forward. I've been still learning how to love myself again and forgive myself for what I allowed to happen to me. The bar industry had been absolutely crushing; being surrounded by defeated lost souls, on both sides of the bar. It got to a point where I was just completely emotionally and physically drained during my time off that I had no ability to do anything other than rot. And the money hasn't been what it had been and I have been having a hard time staying afloat on my own.
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A few months ago, at the strong encouragement of my girlfriend and family, and spending far too much time feeling like "John at the Bar" from the song "Piano Man," I left the bar industry for good. My father (also a former bartender), with whom I was more or less estranged from for several years due to longstanding family issues, offered to pay my rent if I left the bar ASAP and helped my brother launch his home remodeling business. I took the leap. I can't say they caught me; times are tough right now. The business is in it's startup phase and I am not in a position where I can take much income beyond minimum wage right now. Its quite brutal and I am questioning what the fuck I am even doing every day, but I push on. I am supplementing ends meet with some freelance work here and there doing some writing and working the bar at concert venues. I don't love my day to day, but I don't hate it as much as the bar. As much as certain things suck, my life is infinitely better. I feel confident that I will look back on these past few years and laugh.
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So, here I am, still trying to figure it all out. I feel as though all of my interests are laid out in front of me: I love music. I am a bassist, an avid record collector, I spin Boogie/Funk/80's vinyl here and there at bars and parties for fun, and I constantly love exploring everything related to the world of music. I am constantly monitoring foreign conflicts and researching militant insurgencies; I love to keep up to date on everything open source within the intelligence world. In terms of jobs in this field, it may be sour grapes, but I am not sure if I could sleep at night if I worked in intel for my government. I love to make art; some of my other brothers and I collaborate on cartoons, screenplays, and sketches. I love designing a character and making an elaborate Halloween costume every year. I love to create wild, exciting, and vibrant worlds, taking mine and others imaginations into the real world. I love to explore the world, connect with other cultures, and SEE and EXPERIENCE all I can during my short time here. It feels almost as if there's a "perfect career for me" combining all of these interests just sitting on the tip of my tongue. Then there's part of me screaming "Just write on what you've done. Then go do more shit and write! Fuck publications, newspapers, and media corps. Just do your own thing and you'll figure it out!"
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I write all of this, not necessarily asking for help finding a path (although, PLEASE any input is welcome), but just to share my experience to those who may be in the pits of confusion and hopelessness where I was very recently. Hopefully this can provide at least some solidarity and maybe a little bright flash of hope. I hope that those who are in similar places in their lives as me can read this and feel validated and more comfortable. Those of you who have made it out alive and thriving, hopefully this reminds you of your journey to where you are. And to all of those who failed, well...maybe this can help you feel willing to try it again. We only get this one shot at this, so why not give it our all?
I have no answers or solutions, just my own accounts of my raw experiences and the perspectives they have given me. I guess that's kind of the point of all of this though, right? We are all here to perceive and be perceived. We live in, witness, and are the spectacle! What an absurd, ghastly, and wonderful life we all live! Go live it and experience...you may be on the path you are searching for without even realizing it...
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Good hunting and rock on everyone. I love you all.
u/durt_squirrel

I love my mom she and my sister are the most important ones in the world
I don't know what my dad has. He's never been full blown manic like me but he often exhibits hypomanic symptoms but they dampen down within a couple of hours.
My mom has always said I'm nothing like him. Until I started developing hypomanic symptoms last year. I once in a hypomanic state brought it up that I felt like she was acting the same way around me as she does around my dad and she confessed that she does. That was the time I got irtitated so I left and later texted her an agressive rant of how I'm not like him. I feel bad about it and I'm sure my mom didn't enjoy it at all either. The way my mom has been coping around him is being very distant. I did the same distance to him when I was living with them as well.
It's just that when I'm in a hypomanic episode my mother becomes very distant towards me and I can't blame her especially since I resemble my dad and obviously she can and should feel however she really feels. Especially considering what she has been through with my dad.
Last night I slept 2 hours and have been a little hypomanic I guess. I was visiting my mom and dad and when she realized that she lost a paper that I needed she blamed herself and it felt like she was expecting me to start a huge argument and shout at her. I just said that "it's okay and that you've been stressed I wouldn't be surprised that you had a lot in your mind and lost the paper it's not the end of the world". Suddenly she seemed really loving that day. It's like she was expecting me to completely flip out at her. I don't know. If I'm honest I feel rly bad that I made her feel that way.
But I don't know if I'm allowed to say this but I just want to say it.. when I'm already paranoid it just makes me think of all these scenarios in my head where she doesn't love me much at all anymore and the fact that I always swore I wouldn't become like my father but I think I was wrong it just makes me really hate myself.
I'm taking meds and they really took me back to my old self but I'm starting to get symptoms again. Could these just be paranoia or delusions? They feel really real to me
TLDR When I'm hypomanic my mom becomes distant and expecting me to do the worst things my dad has done and then feeling surprised when I don't. It kills me to know I make my mom feel that way and also from my selfish perspective makes me really hate myself. I never wanted to be like him.