Memos on no cell phones at work templateemos on no cell phones at work template

Am I bugging ??

2024.06.09 15:41 frg3c Am I bugging ??

Been dating a new girl who “doesn’t really go on her phone” when we’re together it’s great but when we aren’t I don’t really hear from her which gives “half foot out the door” vibes. Like when I wake up she’s one of the first things on my mind so I’ll text her Goodmorning or goodnight but it’s rarely reciprocated. It’s hard to read. I mean maybe there are still people out there that are hardly on their phones but idk. I feel like in 2024 - if someone doesn’t answer a text within like 3-4 hours, they are choosing to not answer. Yes, we are all busy, I understand that. But even on the mornings I’ve texted her Goodmorning , at let’s say 9 AM, I won’t hear back until like 2….personally, as a man, I couldn’t imagine opening a Goodmorning text at 9 from the girl I like and choosing to not respond. It takes 15 seconds to text that back. “Maybe she was in a rush” ok but let’s be real who isn’t going on their phone at a red light? Or as soon as you get to work? Again, it’s a priority thing. I mentioned it to her how I don’t want to text all day but a Goodmorning/goodnight text with a quick response would mean a lot to me and would ease some anxiety. No change so far. Also when we are together she checks her phone atleast a few times but I didn’t really want to bring that up that I noticed when I mentioned t the first time. Thoughts?
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2024.06.09 15:40 Girlwithapearl007 Multiple dreams in first hand and observation perspectives happening simultaneously

I had two dreams simultaneously in which I experienced both dreams from a first hand perspective and from an observers perspective then woke in to my current reality with a unique feeling of convergence to the awareness of these separate but simultaneous occurrences. I immediately googled to determine if anyone else had experienced this sort of thing or why to find very little results. The dreams themselves weren't anything spectacular but the experience was the oddest thing. I was hoping to find some science about the occurrence.
As a matter of record for myself-
The first dream I was in a form of connection center. I would say call center but there were no phones or computers as I know them. There were copper wires and vibrations that had some kind of communication aspect. I was training as a liaison profession. I was being rated on my ability to offer certifications, provide information and effect the emotional output of the "caller". My supervisor was rating me on scale as well as recording the emotional output of the other "person" I was connecting with. I felt pride because I had done well at calming and informing the "caller". There were crystals and copper everywhere but not in a hippie sense - it was as if they were utilized for power or transference in a technical sense. The area had other beings humanoids, maybe four or so in what looked like a working building that was actually kind of lack luster. Dark lit.
The other was of a plane ride. Orange seats. I was wearing a suit with another female who matched me. There were other humans on the plane. There was no dialog. I had rolling luggage and struggled to pull the luggage over the brim of the doorway upon exit which required us to step over. I remember feeling frustrated and also observing and encouraging the person to just lift the bag rather than try to pull it over. That was it. I remember knowing it was a work trip and being curious about the hotel and wanting food.
Any science to this? I am baffled.
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2024.06.09 15:38 throwra_landlord 26F, single teacher in Ontario, 65-68k salary, can I afford rent? Need help figuring out what to prioritize (dating, saving, if I should search for a second job, if I should move home, etc.)

Throwaway for privacy reasons.
Hi, PFC
I am an Ontario teacher making 65k this year and 68k starting in September. I currently live with my parents rent free but I have a long commute (1 hour each way). My employer has offered me to rent from a property they own near my workplace for $1200/month, plus internet and tenant insurance.
On paper, I feel like I should be able to afford this. I proposed this rent to my employer because it was between 30-35% of my income, but now I am feeling stressed. I have time to get out of the contract and I am not sure if I should do it or not.
Stats:
Salary = 65K (increasing to 68k around when the rent would start). Net monthly take home is 3525.05 currently.
Pension plan: I pay 564.72/month towards a DB pension plan (my 3525 monthly income is after this deduction).
FHSA: 0. I opened an account this year but the advisor at my bank said I should just do that for the contribution room and for now I should prioritize my TFSA
TFSA: 19.8K total, started saving this year while living at home. This is my first year working, but I know I am very behind on savings for my age so I am trying to make this a priority.
Student Loan: 22k, interest free since I paid off the ON portion. monthly payment is $216 but I can change the terms.
Savings: 3100, two-thirds emergency/one-third furniture fund
Anticipated Expenses:
Rent = 1200
Student Loan: 216 (I can change the terms though)
Internet = 90 (estimate)
Tenant insurance = 45 (estimate)
Cell phone = 94 (I am trying to get out of it but I probably can't)
Car insurance = 205 (this will renew this summer and maybe it will be lowered since I stop commuting??)
Gas = 150
Groceries = 400 (I eat lunch at work 5 days/week so I am hoping this is possible)
Subscriptions (spotify, apple storage) = < 15
These expenses add up to 2415. Income after expenses is 1,110. I think I would like to save 100/month and invest $400/month which brings my leftover money to $610.
If I spend 300/month on clothing, skin care and personal care and 200/month on dining out I am down to $110.
Thoughts:
I am not sure if I should be cutting it so close to $0 every month.
I also don't know how much I should be saving since I have a defined benefit pension.
I want to save more money, but at what cost? By living at home, I spent so much time commuting and I don't have the time or energy to date or socialize like I used to. I am worried I will be single forever if I keep living at home and commuting.
I also think my employer is helping me by giving me the rent they am. I might upset them by cancelling.
I think long-term, it might be more expensive to be single than it will be to pay this rent and live closer to work. If I live in the town where I work and away from my parents then I might be able to find a partner easier. Plus as I get older will it be harder to find someone?
At the same time, I am not sure if I will need to spend money on hobbies to get out and meet people/I worry that I will be spending too much on my expenses that I won't be able to go out and do things that could lead to me meeting someone.
With more time, I could maybe tutor or look into a second job. I have a summer job for this year but I think I want to spend that money on furniture and on my student loan payment to get it under 20k.
My student loan is interest free, but I am worried that may change after an election and I want to be prepared.
TLDR; I am not sure if moving is the right move for me? At 26, I am behind on my savings. Living at home (especially with the commute I have) also has drawbacks as it is hard to have time to date and I am kind of in limbo since I live in a different place than I work. Spending so much on rent and the expenses that go with living alone is also scary.
Any thoughts, advice, anything, would be greatly appreciated. Or if you've found yourself in a similar situation and can offer your insight, what worked and what didn't.
submitted by throwra_landlord to PersonalFinanceCanada [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:33 thecalmman420 Just my story in how I found a public/speaking career and KIND OF overcame my stutter (but still stutter all the time)

These posts are mostly therapy for the OP but maybe someone will get something from it.
Stuttered bad all my life, tons of therapy, struggled so bad with CSR jobs at Blockbuster (where I had to answer the fuckin phone and say "Thank you for calling Blockbuster my name is S..." and I stutter on TH, B, and S sounds).
In college I had to take a foreign language and picked sign language. I wound up answering a job for an in-class kindergarten deaf assistant and just started working that, moved into ESL assistant at a junior high and then in 2013 I moved abroad to China to be a teacher.
Moving abroad was 100% depression motivated. I was charismatic enough and had supportive friends and family so I had girlfriends and such but I could never get over my stuttering. I actually drove taxi as a part time job as a "I don't need to talk" job. But shit went South and this was an option.
Being a teacher in a non-native country meant all my awkward word replacements and stammering was not a problem at all. I even got to use a lot of awesome new ones.
"I was going to the, oh, what's the word......thinking, thinking... shopping mall when..."
I got to speak slowly and loudly for a living. I developed a habit of calling every one of my students Mr. and Ms. XYZ because Eric was impossible to say but Mr. Eric? No problem!
And my coworkers for 95% foreigners as well and the native coworkers who teachers who are super concerned with bullying and generally leaned Liberal so they had the patience.
Over the past 10 years I just busted my ass. Got my teaching license, my Masters, spearheaded anti bullying programs, and just got super good at my job.
I got more successful and confident and confident and successful and I won't go into it but next semester I'll be moving into the job of my dreams, leading the entire student culture and behavior programs of a very awesome school.
I still stutter all the time. I can't tell jokes very well. I can't recite movie lines. But my wife's name doesn't start with a block sound.
I am thinking of moving back to the US next year with my wife and it does terrify me. To continue teaching with native speaker students is a new thing for me but I THINK and HOPE the attitude of HS students in 2024 is a lot better than 1994.
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2024.06.09 15:32 ActualDepressedPOS my boyfriend called a picture of me from when i was balls deep in my ed the first time, "hot"

i just wanna say he is an amazing man. he buys me flowers, surprises me with gifts and always tells me how beautiful and hot he thinks i am. he spoils me and loves me so much.
he knows i have issues with my body about and "forget to eat", so is always cooking me yummy food when i don't want to eat or "forget" and makes me have snacks in the day. he knows i don't like parts of my body, and is quick to compliment them and tell me my body is perfect and how he'd love me if i shrunk down to the size of his thumb or quadrupled my size. i've never told him ive had an eating disorder before tho.
he's absolutely fucking perfect and i've been slowly working on recovery by myself- but recently been dealing with a lot of stress meaning i've been on the verge of relapsing.
i've had a major career change (from the food service to the education and medical sector- working with complex SEN/SPED and PMLD children and young adults) which naturally is a massive change. it's very physical and i've been quite badly hurt in the job despite only being there 2 months (bitten, grabbed, hair pulled, thrown to the floor, punched, slapped, spat on, had objects thrown at, scratched, poked in the eye, etc) and have witnessed my coworkers wkrers go through similar injuries. i love my job and don't take it to heart at all, but the incredible loneliness i've been feeling due to all of my friends getting married, having kids or moving away in the past year combined with getting a new job has taken its toll i think and im just biding time until the summer.
so yesterday after 6 days of not seeing my boyfriend, we went to town. i was chatting with him and his brother as they were buying father's day presents. his brother mentioned that he lost a lot of weight in uni as he had no money for food and i mentioned that i was under weight and lost a lot of weight when i was "depressed". i don't know why but i was going to show him a picture of me from that time.
my boyfriend who was sat on his phone looked over and said "omg you look hot" before i could show him. it really upset me and now im spiralling more and more.
he apologised after he saw i was hurt and keeps asking if im okay. i keep saying yeah but all im focused on is losing weight now.
he's so apologetic and it's not his fault because he didn't hear the convo but omg. all i can think about is that.
that's it ran
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2024.06.09 15:31 AngelBakes How do I deal with an avoidant person in dating without being disrespectful?

How do I deal with an avoidant person in dating without being disrespectful?
I (33f) have been seeing D (32m) over the past couple of months. After our fist date, I was excited to see him again as we’d had such good vibes during our date. We continued to see each other and were eventually intimate. I was shocked that I found it’s the most comfortable being vulnerable with another person in my life and it was truly an enjoyable experience from start to finish. I felt safe, comfortable and wanted in a way I never had before.
Now, the issue: when we are physically in each others presence, I have zero concerns. We have fun, I feel respected and desired, there never seems to be an awkward silence. But when we’re apart, his communication has been severely lacking.
On a random Tuesday while I was working, they effectively trauma dumped on to me about some pretty terrible stuff they had gone through last year. While I had no real concerns at this point, it did make a couple of things fall into place about some of his behaviours. The next time we saw each other, this can up in conversation again, we discussed it thoroughly and it felt like it had deepened our connection.
Then out of nowhere, barely anything. Communication became very sporadic and it felt almost impossible to lock in a date for us to see each other again, even though when we did speak, he continued to hammer home how much he liked me and how much he wanted to date me. I finally plucked up the courage to call him to discuss this (I have a very traumatic romantic history). My aim of the conversation was to outline my feelings and discuss how this avoidant behaviour made me feel the exact opposite of what he was saying. Unfortunately, I didn’t get to express any of this as he disclosed feeling sue-i-side-al. I was obviously incredibly concerned, probably more than normal as I had been in this exact position a year ago and knew how serious this could get. I tried to comfort as best i could and put a safety plan in place. He was not receptive to this and for the coming days, communication was minimal, which made me very worried for them. Not just because we were dating, i would have felt the same regardaless of who had disclosed that to me.
About 10 days later, I received a message thanking me for persevering with checking in on him and for how kind I had been during our phone call. I tentatively started messaging more and he continued to be receptive. The communication improved a lot and he seemed to be taking steps to improve his mental health. Our communication over the last week has been 10/10 and we agreed to meet yesterday. He did keep making slightly sexual jokes but I ignored them as he had previously said that he has used sex to try and feel better, which didn’t make me feel good. So I ignored these comments as I wanted to address it in person.
I messaged him in the morning to check we were still meeting and he replied saying he was feeling very tired but would be heading to the gym and we’d see each other later in the day.
I didn’t hear from him again for the day, even after several messages from me. He had been online multiple times during the day. This left me feeling very low and like I was the problem.
I messaged this morning saying we needed to talk and asked when he was free. A few hours later, he replied and said he would ‘call me later’. When I asked for a time, no answer. Again, he is constantly online.
I want to talk to him about how his behaviour doesn’t match his words and how that is negatively impacted me. I want to explain that if he wants to continue seeing me, things need to drastically improve.
I feel like I have no idea how to verbalise all of this without losing my temper or seeming crazy. I do like this guy and am incredibly sympathetic to his mental state as I’ve been there myself but this is making feel like I’m losing my mind and I’m now questioning how honest he’s been in person and I find myself questioning how desirable I am.
Any help, opinions are suggestions are appreciated.
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2024.06.09 15:31 Logical_Union_6967 I (23F) dated someone (22M) who's in a relationship. Are we not allowed to continue our relationship?

Long story ahead, but please bare with me, I'm in need of an ear to hear me out.
I met this guy at our school, he's one of my blockmate at nursing school. At first, he's nothing significant, a normal and loyal to his gf in our class. Everyone knows how loyal he is and they're in 3 years and counting relationship. They even share an apartment and living together. One semester as a transfereee, I was at the same block and clinical group with him. I am social butterfly, I fit in every group, be it guys or gals, I never had a problem making friend or fitting in the group. I approached him and made friends with him. I also made friends with his other circle of friends in our class. I was so closed to him, very much close, that other's think that we're dating each other, but in a joke way, since he has girlfriend. Even our clinical instructors think that we're together. Of course, we denied it since we aren't really dating or something. It was so platonic for me. I considered him as my younger brother.
I haven't told you yet what kind of relationship he have with his girlfriend. Our batch knows how smooth-sailing and perfect relationship they have. It's just so perfect that everyone's would want it too, but nothing's perfect. We are in a different circle, but I am closed to his circle as well. We hangout sometime, but he was never been present. That's because his girlfriend wouldn't let him. It's not that because I was there, when all of the boys are hangging out, she never let him. Even after clinicals lunch-out with the group, she never let him go. He was restricted that he barely socialize with his friends. He was able to go out unless she's with him. One of our close-guy friend told us that one day, he will find someone that he never expect to meet, find comfort, and freedom. He is extremely introverted that he wouldn't talk unless you approach him, so he don't have the energy as well to find someone. His world was his girlfriend. He's a greenest of the green-type of guy.
I never knew what his relationship would be like, since I only transferred and I know him for one semester. He was so open to me about his life. I was his councilor and he trusted me to the point he told me what's really going on their relationship. I was his friend that he can count on and give him some poetic, novel-like, mind-opening advices. He never told anyone, even his circle whom he know for ages, but me, he never hesitate to tell his whole story. He was physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially abused by his girlfriend. Disclaimer, he didn't opened this to me so I could give him comfort or pity him, he opened because he wanted to let all his struggles out. A lot of things is going on with their relationship that he couldn't tell to anyone because he don't want to make others think bad about his girlfriend. He wanted to protect her because he knows how emotionally and mentally incapable she is. Within the 3 years of relationship, it was all toxic. She never let him voice out his side. If he will, she'll get mad. She was controlling him. He wanted to broke up with her, but she wouldn't want to.
Another semester have passed, we are still on the same clinical group. But our closeness grew even more. We even have this all-nighters conversation, sleep calls, and partner-review. We are also going out together after clinicals, have some coffee or lunch. I was so dense that I didn't felt that he has something on his mind. My circle of friend and other blockmates telling me that there's something on him. Like he wanted something and seeking attention from me, but I didn't acknowledge what they were saying, because I know it was a platonic relationship between us. One day, I felt the urge to ask him about how he feels on our friendship, then he confessed. He confessed that he liked me. He explain how it'd happen and when did it started. I told him that was he is doing is considered as cheating and he must be aware of it. I wouldn't want to ruin the friendship we have but we need to minimize our interaction together. And swear, I am not the type of person who date someone who's in relationship. I don't want to ruin someone's relationship. He agreed but with one condition, that he'll take his shot with me once he is settled.
We haven't talked for a week with no interaction during clinicals at all. Friends got suspicious, so I approached him. I told him not to distance himself so much, I still want our friendship like before. He told me that he can't, he was so drawn to me that he couldn't resist himself. He wanted to continue our interactions like before and try to be friends with me, but he couldn't promise if it will be same as before. I agreed to have our connections back, I wanted to try to work things out as friends with him. Eventually, the feelings grew. I developed feelings towards him. It was so wrong, yet surreal. It seems like this feelings already existed before but it was never been acknowledge by myself. We found ourselves on series of secret meet ups and dates. The interactions are not like before, this time it was deeper. We dated even he is still in a relationship. I never felt this before. It was so wrong but I couldn't get myself to stop it. Our feelings are now mutual. We tried to stop seeing each other, we really tried several times, but we our resolves falter every time we see each other. It was so hard for us not to acknowledge what we feel when we are on the same clinicals. My friends and his are getting suspicious, so we told them what's happening. They got angry at us and told us to stop our relationship. He needs to settle his relationship so we could continue ours, but the success is not guaranteed. We stopped again for few days then we're back again, doing the same wrong thing. We didn't let them know because they'll be angry for real this time.
His girlfriend is becoming suspicious, but she lets him slide. He wanted to broke up, but she don't want to and made a promise to him that she will do better this time. She'll make a change for him. I was so guilty and told him that she deserves the truth and it's not like we can hide it for long. He doesn't want to, because it might ruin me. For sure people have a lot of mean things to say to me. Another semester end, we decided to hangout together overnight because we might not be on the same clinical next semester. He told me that he already told his parents and girlfriend that he couldn't come home. We are half-way through the night and decided to open my phone. To my suprise, I received a lot of messages and missed calls from our friends asking if I know where he is. One of our friend even told me that his girlfriend keep on calling him, asking if he is with him. I asked him to call his girlfriend and she answered, sobbing and asking where he is. I don't know what to do that time, I whispered to him that he should tell the truth, but he didn't. She keeps on asking but he couldn't answer. She wanted him to come home or else she'll call his parents to pick him up or even kill herself. All I can do is to cry and feel guilty in that moment. What I have done? What I have just ruined? He went home that night.
We haven't talked for a week after that, I never heard back from him as well. I don't what to do time. I just cried and did nothing but drown myself to sadness and guilt. I don't want to let him go. Our friends know what happened and they're worried about me. Even after what we did, they didn't take our side, but they wanted to make me feel that I still have them. Another week have passed, I still haven't heard anything from him. It was summer break so we don't have the chance to meet at school. Friends told me that he might have already chosen. It might be her and not me. I couldn't believe it, because he promised me that he will choose me and stood up for me. I didn't lose hope. Her girlfriend then sent me a message saying that she forgive us on what we did and I should do what's right. She even told me to respect his decision. She is a really kind person and I really felt guilty what I did to her. Things escalated really quick. I also received this message from his mother, telling me to back off and leave his son alone and stop ruining their relationship or else, she would do something that I wouldn't want to. Because of that, I came to decide that I need to let him go and cut things off with him. I will be accountable for my actions and distance myself. I don't want to. It's not something that I could fix what I already broken, but at least compensate for what I have done. She, his mother, and me, agreed to this so we can be now at peace. I was so hurt and I couldn't recover from it, but I guess this is my karma. I still want him back.
One of his friend reached out to me and checked on me. He said that he was able to get a hold from him. He told me something, not to give me some hope to hold onto. He said that he wanted to choose me, but he couldn't because of his parents. They love her so much that they don't want them be separated. They also badmouth me, which I expected. But he told him that they don't know what his girlfriend did to him but keep himself shut so he could protect her image to his parent. He clearly don't know how to fight for himself. Which I'm not even mad about it. I know he's going through a hard time, I just wish that I was there for him.
Few days after, I was shocked that he is at our front door. He told me that he already broken up with her. He can't continue their relationship because he knows that they will just hurt each other in the future. He don't want her to get hurt anymore and it will be unfair to her that even though he is physically present for her, his heart and mind calls out for someone. She still clings to him and asked him in one condition, let her be ready to tell this to his parents and let her stay for a while. She needs time to process all what happened.
I love him and couldn't let him go as well. I know how much he loves me as well. We are willing to risk everything for our relationship. One day, we decided to meet again and had a date. One friend from my circle and one friend from his circle came to the place where we are. We are so shocked and they are so angry at us. They told us to stop what we are doing, because someone from our school took a picture of us dating. They're so stressed out and wouldn't want to get involved anymore. They warned us because our cheating issue is out of control. He told him that they already broken up and we wanted to start anew. It was not official because that want she wanted.
Everything became chaotic. Everyone knows our issue. His mother texted me again and got really angry this time. Even my friends don't want to talk to me and wouldn't let me to explain my side. They even kept me pinning me on the things I did which I am damn well aware of. I thought they could be someone who will stay with me during the hard times, but I was wrong. Can't really blame them, they got tired of me.
Since no one knows that they already broken up and took a shot on our relationship, things became uncontrolled. Rumors here and there. Expext the worse and you reap what you sow. You do you and deserve what you tolerate. We rushed things.
I know it's not even an excuse that "We just fell in love" but we really wanted to have our relationship to work so bad. That we could do everything and anything. But I am so overwhelmed that I don't know what to do.
I feel guilty but my love for him is greater than it seems. I couldn't afford to lose him. I don't know if we should stop this and move forward because what we are doing is wrong. They keep telling us that it is nonsense. I guess, no one understands us.
Should I stop and wait? Should we fight for it and don't listen to them because they don't know and they don't understand us? Should we just end and let the destiny give us chance? I don't know.
submitted by Logical_Union_6967 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:31 WMH81 My gut had been telling me things, of course I need a second opinion. Story time!

Day four of no-contact, one of our (apparently now formerly) mutual friends had gotten a hold of me yesterday to say the ex had tried to reach out to her about something and then got pissy when she didn't get an immediate response, so she just never responded to the ex. I had a good long chat with the friend about things and the way things had been while I was with the ex, and her response to most of them was along the lines of "Jesus, I didn't realize... Just... no. Just no." The more responses I get from people like that, the more I think my gut was right. So I figured I'd throw some of them out to all of you and see what Reddit thinks. This is going to be a long one.
1) Back in high school (20 years ago) she smoked weed, drank, partied, fucked around, and always reminisces about it with a big smile on her face. Had no problem talking about her exes from high school in the same way, especially "J1." She brought him up a million times, and always gave me the same spiel as if she forgot she had told me every time. "He was my ex from high school, my first everything but a kiss. We were together for about a year and a half, we were so in love. You know he's the only guy I've ever cheated on in my entire life, and I still feel so bad about it to this day... I actually apologized to him a few years ago, I know it's stupid high school stuff but I just felt so bad. We still talk sometimes, I can always go to him with my problems or anything. He's just always going to be my person." I mean, one night for no reason she sat down next to me with a photo album. She flipped through the early kids stuff without saying anything and went straight to her high school photos. She went right to her exes and started pointing them out and naming them, then got to J. She started the spiel but caught herself a couple sentences in, closed the album, and put it away. After the breakup I had moved and was helping her digitize some of her old 8mm tapes, we were watching an elementary school Christmas program and at one point she sits up and exclaims "Oh my God is that J1?!" with the same big smile.
2) At the end of high school she had gotten with this other piece of garbage and got pregnant. They were together with the kid for a couple years then he cheated on her and they split. He was a worthless deadbeat dad, but they still kept in occasional contact. We'll call him "J2." She had him come out a couple times when she bought her house after her own divorce to help with renovation. Before we had dated, I noticed those two were acting like a couple (even though she was already starting to get serious with someone else... call him "C"). At one point we were out in the garage while she was gone at the store, discussing a decision on the house she told me she wasn't going to do but she was going to do it now. He says "Oh that's cause I told her to do it. Yeah, she always listens to me. She does whatever I say, that little girl fuckin loves me. I got her wrapped around my little finger." A year later after her and I had started dating, I was staying at her place a couple nights a week while helping out at another branch. One night she says "I need to get J2 out here again at some point soon to finish the painting in the front hallway." Next day while I was going to work, she had gone from talking to me all the time to dead radio silence all day. I got back from work a couple hours early and she had gone to pick up her kid from school. I come inside and walk through the kitchen, and much to my surprise J2 steps out from around the corner with his hands up and a big smile on his face like he was ready to give somebody a big hug. He sees me, his face immediately turns to "oh shit." I just said "what's up" and went back to the bedroom to drop my bag. The sheets on the bed were all wadded up at the end, the clothes she had been wearing to bed were tossed around on the nightstand, pillows, bed. I piled the clothes up and set it next to my bag on the bed, just to let her know I had been in there. I went back outside to work on the grill, this dumbass came and sat out back and tried to make small talk. Smoking weed, yelling and swearing, you can hear the music he had blaring inside the house, a bunch of stuff that she said she did not want going on considering her neighbor was an elementary school principal and she had DHS stuff going on with her ex-husband. But apparently he got to do it all. Eventually he goes back inside, she comes home and blows right by me without even looking at me. A couple minutes later she comes rushing out, standing over on the other side of the patio, going right into this story about how the 4-year-old messed the bedroom up like that. No hugs, kisses, how was your day, sorry I didn't have my phone on me, nothing like that. The rest of the time he was at the house, he didn't say anything to me and he looked very uncomfortable whenever he looked over at me. A few hours later she took the four year old with to take this guy back home an hour away. She was gone for a long time.
3) Right around the end of all her divorce proceedings, one of our other mutual friends introduced her to someone she knew, for the sake of maybe being friends with benefits. Something to try to blow off some steam, try to move on, rebound kind of thing. Let's call him "R." Before we were dating, she mentioned him once or twice (same time she was getting involved with the previously mentioned C) but that the whole friends with benefits/fuck buddies thing wasn't really her kind of thing so nothing ever happened between them. But they were still friends. I noticed that seemed like she talked to him more and more as time went on, but she was always trying to hide it. One time I glanced over and saw she got a text from him. "How's it going, doll?" Another time I saw him talking about "the mystery in your eyes." Anytime I was nearby after she got done texting with him she would immediately turn her phone screen off and set it face down next to her leg away from me. One time I came home from work and she was sitting on the couch in the living room with the kids, and she was on the phone. I set my bag down and walked across the living room to give her a kiss as we always did when one of us came home from work. I got halfway there and she stood up and started walking around me to the kitchen. She stopped to look at her screen and turn the volume down and I saw his name on it. She then went to the kitchen without a word to me and got quiet. I sat down on the couch for a few minutes then went into the kitchen to get something to drink, and when I got there she went right back to the living room without a word to me. Got my water and went back to the living room, she went straight back to the kitchen. Eventually she came back to the living room, stood there texting for like 10 minutes straight. I asked if she was chatting with R, she said yeah, she had only talked to him on the phone one other time, so they were just catching up. Then she came back and sat down on the other end of the couch from me, nothing about how our days were, no welcome home kiss, nothing. After the breakup while I was still living there, one of the times she handed me her phone to look at a house listing she found, as soon as I looked at the screen a text from him popped up. "He doesn't know shit."
Thoughts? I know this was a long one, this was just the biggest things that had been on my mind regarding her from the last couple years.
submitted by WMH81 to BreakUps [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:27 renwill Supervisors have taken 1.5 years to read my manuscript

Hey guys, I'm looking for advice on what to do about this ridiculous situation that I'm in. I'm sorry that this is gonna be a long post.
Basically, when I was an undergrad, I worked on a project (astrophysics) under the supervision of a tenured prof and an assistant researcher at a US university. The assistant researcher was the one giving me more direct supervision, and the tenured prof was the head of the research group as a whole. Most of the work I did day-to-day was solo. My analysis started to produce some fruitful results, so my supervisors suggested I write up a paper and publish the results as the primary author. It's nothing particularly groundbreaking, but still impressive for something led by a bachelors student. While I was finishing this analysis and drafting the paper, I graduated from my undergrad university and moved onto a Masters program in another country. At the same time, the assistant researcher also moved to another country for a professorship and had a baby.
Once I was done drafting the paper, I had a hard time getting the former assistant researcher to actually read through it. It took around 7 months of reminding him via email until he finally pulled through. Admittedly, I think I should have been more frequent with my reminder emails. I just get uncomfortable about seeming pushy. Besides, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because heck, he and his wife literally moved across the world, have a baby to take care of, and he started his new job, so he was understandably busy. Anyways, he finally finished reading the draft and gave me some useful feedback. I adjusted my draft, and we ended up bringing 2 more coauthors into the loop in August 2023. The tenured professor sounded enthusiastic about the paper and said he'd read through it shortly. He is the last one who needs to read it before I can start the publishing process.
Since then, things have been at a complete standstill. I have politely emailed reminders to this professor numerous times. He has apologized for being busy and promised multiple occasions to read the manuscript 'tomorrow' or 'next week' but nothing ever happens. And lately he hasn't responded to my emails unless I send 1-2 follow-ups. All my reminders have been a quick polite 'just checking in' email every couple months. A week ago though, I finally sent him a longer email where I basically just expressed my concern with how things have been going. I didn't take an angry tone, but just communicated my disappointment and reiterated how important publishing my work would be to me. I'm applying to PhD programs this fall, and having a first-author publication would undoubtedly help my profile. I also would just love to have something concrete to show for all the effort I've put into this project. So far, I've gotten no response from him, even after an additional follow-up message. I then consulted the other professor and we decided we'd do a joint zoom meeting with the three of us, but it can't happen until the tenured professor acknowledges our email. I think a zoom meeting would be a good idea -- I think he needs to see my face and recall I'm a real human being, and not just a pest in his inbox. I also recently remembered that I actually have his personal phone # saved. Would it be a bad idea for me to contact him on his phone? And just be like hey, can you read the email I sent you?
Professors are busy people. I know I shouldn't be taking any of this personally, but it's hard not to. I didn't do anything in particular to anger him, I don't think, and I'm not a controversial person. Heck, before I graduated, he even said I was the best student he's ever had in his lab group! So what happened? I just feel like nobody cares what happens to me anymore. If I were still a student at the same university, I'd have gone to the department chair over this. But I'm not a student there anymore, and I'm pretty sure technically nobody owes me anything now.
And this might sound silly, but I'm really close to my mom and I've kept her updated on the situation. She's been urging me to get more aggressive, since she knows I struggle with advocating for myself. I don't want to burn bridges with my former supervisor especially when I'll need a rec letter from him for my PhD applications. Getting constant inquiries from my mom and being 'coached' by her is also wearing me thin. I just want to put this paper out and move on with my life.
What should I do next? Get the other coauthors (who I have never met IRL) involved? I think posting on Arxiv or just submitting to the publisher anyways would be a bad idea, ethically.
submitted by renwill to AskAcademia [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:25 wegotthisonekidmongo Is this a high split email maint or just regular maint?

Is this a high split email maint or just regular maint?
https://preview.redd.it/1f6yj8q5sj5d1.png?width=1531&format=png&auto=webp&s=c9c71f544a8d3dc1d1e4ae4c0272d228673d07e8
Wondering if this pertains to high split upgrades going on in my area or just regular maint? Thanks!
submitted by wegotthisonekidmongo to Spectrum [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:23 Choice_Appointment86 Do some parents hate their child?

I (22)F grew up in a very religious household, with that I wasn’t allowed to hang out with friends or any sort of after school activities. They were also very cheao when it comes to my necessities, I am the eldest and I only have 1 younger sibling. We weren’t exactly dirt poor, they could afford nice things for themselves but not for me. They have always lectured me on how it was a burden to raise me and I cost a lot of money. Which was really hard for me to understand as a kid, because my reasoning was, well I didn’t ask to be born.
And since I didn’t exactly receive any love from my parents, I tried to cope with being an over achiever, I thought maybe if I get these awards they would see more of me than just a burden. Apparently, this wasn’t the case for them, they just straight up told me that it’s not reall that hard to achieve those things, bonus to that is it was very hard for me to convince them to go to the stage with me, my father would attend the ceremony quite late and leave immediately after I receive ny award. At one point, my teacher was the one who went up to the stage with me and on another occasion, it was my classmate.
So far, I just didn’t really understand why they were like thag to me but when it comes to other people (church people) they are the most selfless most loving person you can ever imagine. And ut wasn’t just that they neglected me, it came to a point that I would say that they hated me, I had to walk around eggshells when they were around, because one mistake then I am crowned as the most ungrateful person to ever exist, they also used to hit me when I was younger.
I also grew up to be very insecure about my physical appearance, my parents were my number 1 critic. I am a skinny girl and they would often tease me thag I look like a skeleton, even on the days that I’ve tried to look decent, I never received any compliments from them, instead when I tried things like putting on make up, they called me a whore, slut, cunt you name it.
When I was 13-14 an older guy at church befriended me, maybe a little too much and asked me to save his number but not on my phone because my father would find out, I was really creeped out by that and told my mother about it, she just told me to stay away from the guy, but they never confronted him about it.
Almost all of the members at the church have witnessed me being yelled at by my parents but they never did anything, nor talked to my parents to be atleast be gentle with me. None of them even tried to comfort me, they just looked at me pity.
When I turned 18, I started working and a year later decided to move out. I basically just lied to them thag I got this job offer on a really far place and I have to stay there to work.
They were super against it but I stood firm and managed to go ahead with my plan. It’s been more that 2 years since that happened. They used to message me to ask for money but after a few months, I refused to do so and since they never checked on me anymore.
I now live alone but somehow I feel empty, I have no friends, no boyfriend, and even if I wanted to go back to school, I just financially can’t. And I still get sad very often, because I just wish that I had been born to a loving family then maybe I could have had a better life.
I just hate the fact that I never experienced genuine love from my parents, and often times when it really hurts I just close my eyes and imagine what it’s like to have a mom that makes me breakfast and is genuinely concerned for me and a dad tgat wanted to bond with his daughter. Only in my dreams.
submitted by Choice_Appointment86 to Parenting [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:21 DD4LIFE8 Help with formula

Working on designing a custom invoice to use with our business. Trying to make everything as easy for our technicians as possible.
We offer a 10% discount up to a maximum of $500 to military/veterans, seniors, first responders and teachers.
What I’m trying to do is make a cell that calculates that 10% discount. That’s easy enough but what I can’t figure out, if there is a way to cap the calculation at a $500 maximum. Or if you can’t cap it, maybe a way to subtract anything over $500 with a formula?
Example, a $4000 job with a 10% discount would be $400. But a $6000 job with a 10% discount would be $600, $100 over the maximum. Is there a way to apply that 10% discount on the $6000 job with a maximum cap of $500.
Also, since not every customer gets this discount, is there a way to activate or deactivate that Cell easily? Maybe like a checkbox or button to enable or disable the 10% discount. Or typing a simple yes or no in a separate Cell to activate or deactivate the formula? Not even sure if that’s possible but thought I’d ask.
My goal is for my technicians to simply enter in the total job amount, check a few boxes (or buttons) that may apply and everything automatically calculate for them so it’s ready to send to the customer. This saves them time and eliminates potential human errors when calculating everything.
submitted by DD4LIFE8 to MicrosoftExcel [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:20 Live-Needleworker-60 The Deer and the Dragon by Piper CJ rant review

I'm gonna be real: I hated this. There were interesting concepts, and had they been utilized differently and written by literally anyone else, it could've been an actual good book.
writing. The writing in The Deer and the Dragon is miles better than in The Night and its Moon. It's still not good, but it's better if that tells you anything. The first-person POV mixed with modern-day speak works so much better for Piper's capabilities. It was much easier to get through, but it was still a huge slog for me. Honestly, what are the editors at Bloom even doing? There were still way too many typos and sentences with missing words. Piper still misuses the word dredges after using it in THREE(+?) BOOKS. HOW DO YOU STILL NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DREDGES AND DREGS? Dregs are the sediment of a liquid, so what's at the bottom of your coffee cup. Dredge is when they scoop up mud from the bottom of a river. TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS. The word broach is also misused in this book TWELVE times, and it's PART OF THE CENTRAL PLOT OF THE BOOK. You mean to use BROOCH, PIPER. They're pronounced the same, but they mean two different things. Again, what the hell are the editors at Bloom doing?
characters Really, the only character I can talk about is Marlow because this book is just about Marlow and how amazing, special, perfect, and genius Marlow is. I fucking hate Marlow. If I ever met Marlow in real life, I would beat her up. Marlow is the most unlikable person ever. The story opens up with her on a date with a guy she's not interested in and can't remember his name; when she gets it wrong, and he corrects her, she continues to call him the wrong name all the way to the end of the book. She mentally berates him for mixing wasabi and soy sauce and cannot let it go. She’s also an AWFUL friend. It seems like her friend's only real purpose is to support her and tell her how amazing she is. She never bothers to make plans with them or inform them about anything that’s happening in her life. When she goes missing for a good chunk of the book, and they're blowing up her phone worried about her, she doesn't even bother to call them to calm them down. She doesn't think about them at all. She's far more concerned with herself and finding her imaginary boyfriend, who she only just decided was real. Her editor tells her she's at risk of losing her job if Marlow doesn't deliver her work or update her on what's happening, and Marlow just...doesn't care. She's like, 'No excuse I can give will be enough, so I'm just not going to say anything at all because I'm afraid of confrontation'. Grow the fuck up?? Her friend Nia only became her friend because she obsessively messaged her on social media until Marlow 'gave in', and now they're family? Somehow? Yet Marlow doesn't think about Nia once or bothers to comfort her when Nia has to call Marlow's abusive mom to ensure Marlow isn't dead. Kirby has allegedly been Marlow's friend since childhood, but does Kirby know anything about Caliban at all? Does Nia? Does Marlow tell her friends anything? If they know about the abuse her mom put her through, do they know how that abuse started? When Fauna shows up and freaks out over liking Kirby’s name so much, Marlow takes it upon herself to tell Fauna the story of Kirby’s name, scornfully informing Fauna that Kirby isn’t their real name the second Fauna expresses interest in it. (Like what, are you jealous that Fauna likes Kirby’s name, you fucking insecure freak??) The story revolves solely around something traumatic that happened to Marlow and how she and Kirby sat and played Super Smash Bros. Kirby liked their character so much that they adopted the name. Which…okay, choosing the name because you liked a video game character, okay, fine. But the whole story preceding this was so unnecessary and just made Marlow come off as suuuuch a whiny baby. “Oh, you want to know about my friend’s name? Well, first, let me preface it with this long woe-is-me story all about ME before I tell you how they chose their name because basically everything revolves around me.”
The way Marlow talks about rejection is so juvenile. You're in your thirties girls, get over it. Life is full of rejections. Someone telling you they didn't to play with you when you were eight years old isn't something you should form your whole life around. Like Marlow doesn't want kids because she doesn't want them to face rejection. Oh my god, Marlow. I also can't empathize with her trauma with her mom at all because I feel like I didn't really see much of it. I'm sure some of the things she says might hit with other people, but I wanted an actual flashback of a super intense fight or conversation instead of an overview of what happened.
plot. It took a while to get to the actual plot. About 100 pages in before things start really happening. I would’ve liked a little more exposition on Marlow’s relationship with Caliban at the beginning of the book. I get that some of the reveals needed to come more towards the end, but I kind of wish that maybe the fox had spoken to Marlow, too, which would’ve helped with why she’s so sure she’s insane. Foxes don’t talk! In all honesty, I wish this story had been restructured entirely. I think it would've been substantially better if we'd started out in Marlow's childhood. We can see how her day to day life was before Caliban ever appeared, how things were with her mom, who can also see through the veil. Maybe she notices some strange things about her mom that she just brushes off, which she later sees in herself and understands why her mom responded that way. Then something actually traumatic happens instead of some little kids not letting Marlow play with them, instigating her starting to see Caliban. I also would've liked to see flashbacks to Marlow's previous lives. While she's busy trying to convince herself Caliban isn't real, those flashbacks would add to her thinking she's losing her grip on reality. Maybe she'll be doing something innocent, like washing the dishes, and then suddenly, she sees herself standing in the middle of a raging battle, wearing long, elaborate robes. Do you see what I'm saying? This could've been cool! Instead, I had to read about Marlow jerking off about herself for 600 pages.
At some point, Caliban shows up to Marlow looking like a human. She's a teenager at this point, but they eventually start sleeping together, and like...idk something about that feels icky to me. It feels like grooming. Because he's clearly thousands of years old, he probably stays the same age while she's a teenager. What age did he wait for her to turn before their relationship turned sexual? Also, she doesn't even think he's real, and he does nothing to convince her that he is. Yeah....just no thanks. I'm good. Marlow tells Caliban when she's 21, she doesn’t want to see him anymore, so she literally physically cannot see him, but she can hear and feel him, and he still shows up, and like they keep having sex. So she’s just having sex with her imaginary demon friend for like five years before she’s finally like, all right, this is weird; maybe we should stop. And then she immediately regrets that when he stops showing up and then the rest of the book finally happens.
We also get flashbacks to when Marlow first starts escorting, and tbh, I hated this depiction of sex work. I keep hoping since Piper claims to be an advocate for sex work and is a former SWer that, we might get some actual depth to this plot. Maybe learn how Marlow was able to mold herself into the person she needed to be for each client, how she’s able to play people, etc. But no. She meets some random girl in a foreign country where she’s teaching English to children, and the girl is like, OMG, you’re too pretty to BE A TEACHER. COME HANG OUT ON MY YACHT. Now, I’m going to be so real. I feel like any woman with a speck of intelligence in their brain would have red flags going off right about now. If a random woman I met in a foreign country invited me to her yacht five minutes after meeting me, I’d immediately assume this woman was about to try and murder me or kidnap me or traffick me or something. But not Marlow. She is like fuck it, why not. She flies on over to wherever this yacht is(literally, she has to get on a plane and fly there) and makes some new besties who introduce her to the wonderfully glamorous non-dangerous life of escorting, where they hand her clients and set up the appointments for her and blah blah blah(also, wanna point out that Marlow even tries to say that she built this sex work empire herself. bitch no you didn't. it was all handed to you). I don’t feel like I really need to go further about why this is a really poor, dangerous rose-colored glasses-type depiction of sex work. It’s just not the reality.
Flash forward five years later, and Marlow is now a top-selling author writing about South African folklore as a white woman, trying to date other men, still having sex with her imaginary friend, calling her nonbinary friend a horse girl, the usual. Her escort pals are nowhere to be seen, and we have no clue what happened to them. We never hear from them again; they just vanish once Marlow gets what she wants from them, just like Nia and Kirby vanish once Marlow finds Fauna and Azrames. One day, Marlow’s at a book signing and sees the ONE bad client she had(because in all the years/months fucking strange men you meet in a foreign country, only one time does it go bad. okay, sure) He somehow finds where she lives, breaks into her home, and tries to murder her. An angel shows up and murders him instead, and then Caliban finally reveals his face and explains to Marlow that he has marked everyone who’s ever wronged her. (Wronged her in what way, tho. Like if someone accidentally shoulder-checked her on the street, are they now marked for death?) I thought it was kind of weird that she’s not like…focused on the fact that her hallucinations have extended to two people and another person dying. She’s still convinced Caliban is a figment of her imagination even after she sees this happen, and Caliban explains to her that he couldn’t save her because there’s some type of contract with her that forbids him from doing anything under her roof without her permission. But she still gets mad and banishes him, and now he can’t come back, and now she’s like, but wait, no, I didn’t mean it. Thus begins the search for Caliban.
Now, I could sit here and outline the rest of the book, but I won't because it's so boring, and nothing of substance really happens. So, to summarize. Marlow searches for Caliban fruitlessly for months and finally makes some progress when she decides to go to the house of the guy who tried to kill her and finds a parasitic entity that she continuously calls a Cheshire Cat. then Silas, the angel, shows up to save her again. Silas maybe wants to fuck Marlow, I can't tell. He waffles between abandoning Marlow to die and stalking her and her mom to force Marlow to bond with him for no seeming reason at all. Everyone and their mom wants Marlow to join their religion, and I don't know what the fuck makes her so special. Marlow is such a popular author that everyone recognizes her name, reveres her, fawns over her, and has multiple copies of her two books in their offices. She's so good that she inspired millions to switch religions. This book was so exhausting to read because it was just about how amazing Marlow is LMFAO. I'm pretty sure they even try to say she's the reincarnation of Helen of Troy, the most beautiful woman in the world. Like....wow.
Marlow goes to Hell with Fauna to escape bonding with Silas, where they meet a literal stolen character design. this guy
(my original review has these images but I am an idiot and don't know how to post them so instead I'll share the links)
https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1717860981i/35597445._SY540_.jpg
Don't believe me? here's the commissioned character art.
https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/hostedimages/1717860929i/35597423._SY540_.jpg
Anyway, his name is Azrames and he and Fauna are long time lovers and they go and bone while Marlow is in the next room and Marlow fucking masturbates to the sounds of them boning. So...I was forced to read about that, and I hated it. And then, at the end of the book, five chapters before it's over, we learn the bad guy who's been holding Caliban captive the entire time is a fertility goddess. Just out of nowhere. No mention of it previously. So, no one tells Marlow the actual plan, and instead, they send her into this fertility clinic the goddess is working out of and have her pretend to want to get pregnant. So the goddess drugs her without her consent and puts her in a room full of half-naked men, hot stereotypes from every ethnicity, while she's SUPER horny. One of the doctors tells her that 'mixed babies are all the rage right now'. The men all tell her how hot and amazing she is and how lucky they are for the chance to get to fuck her. Then after she chooses one of them, she grinds all over him while he just stands there, then they take him out and bring Caliban in and decide he'll fuck her instead. I just wanna point out that this, all of this, would be rape. Marlow didn't consent to being drugged, and if she didn't know who Caliban was, they basically just took the guy she "agreed" to have sex with away and brought in one she didn't agree to for no reason whatsoever. It doesn't matter that she's saying yes to it; she is drugged. She can't consent. Anyway, Caliban sticks his dick in Marlow and just leaves it there, unmoving, and then makes out with the fertility goddess before stabbing her in the heart and cutting off her head, even though five chapters earlier, they said it's super hard to kill a god. I'm just...wow.
Marlow gets taken back to Fauna's apartment by Silas while Caliban and Azrames are stuck fighting more Cheshire Cat demon children that I imagine look like the spider baby from Toy Story. Marlow is still high, so she's putting the moves on Fauna. She's kissing her throat, rubbing her thigh, trying to suck on her fingers. Let me tell you rn, if one of my friends showed up at my place high af doing this shit to me, I'd be livid. Because I guarantee you, Marlow will not apologize for doing any of this to Fauna.
Fauna tells Marlow that they can be sunflowers. The book ends.
I will read the next one because I like to suffer, but...I hated this. I give it 2 stars because the writing is better than TNAIM, but it was not a hit for me at all.
submitted by Live-Needleworker-60 to books [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:20 Groovskopa KUB lies, refuse to come and mark underground utilities, after calling 811

This was the second week I’ve been trying to call 811, and have them come out and mark underground utilities, since I planned on putting in a fence/gates/privacy fences, which requires me digging multiple 2-3’ deep holes in the yard.
Every time I call I get the “they will be there within 3 days” response. This past Friday I again made a call and the person on the phone was rather rude and told me whoever told me “3 days” was not correct, and that KUB has up until project starts to get out there. They then proceeded to ask me when the project is due to begin. I told them that I’m starting at 7am Saturday (less than 24hr after phone call). They told me someone will be out to mark utilities before I start the work. Meantime, I can check status updates online.
I spent all day Friday and Saturday at home, and no one showed up. It would be impossible for me to miss anyone coming onto my property to mark utilities. Checked the website for updates and it states that KUB has been out and found no conflict to dig. But as I’ve already said, there is no way between me, my security system and my dogs that we would have missed anyone on our property. I also know there is at least a sewer line that runs in the area where I need to dig, as well as gas line/water line at the front.
Has anyone dealt with anything similar?
submitted by Groovskopa to Knoxville [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:19 Excellent_Piccolo_58 I am 27F and My BF is 29M Should I be worried about this financial issue or its normal?

My boyfriend and I are planning to get married soon. He is smart, kind, and good-looking which are qualities I deeply appreciate also he fought with his entire family to convince them to marry me as we belong to different caste. However, I have growing concerns about his family's financial habits, which are causing significant strain on our relationship.
His family has a tendency to take loans for almost everything and they have no savings to fall back on. Despite my repeated suggestions for him to focus on paying off his education loans, I noticed he was diverting his money to support his family instead. After several discussions, we finally agreed to provide his family with Rs 20,000 per month since his father earns around Rs 35,000 to 40,000 per month.
Recently, his family asked for additional money to help cover their home loan. Initially, I thought this was a reasonable request. However, I discovered that they had received Rs 2 lakh (USA PPP- 9543 USD)from somewhere and squandered it all instead of using it responsibly, like paying off part of the home loan and reduce thier family burden of home loan
In addition, his mother insisted that he take out Rs 4-5 lakh worth of gold for wedding jewelry. I advised him against this as i was okay with just ring and magalsutra ( a nech chain women wears after wedding), I also asked him we should do small wedding of 50 people and go for really nice honeymoon but he argued that it was necessary to uphold societal expectations about the gold given to the daughter-in-law at the wedding. However, I later found out that his mother intended to keep all of this jewelry and we can do small wedding but have to do grand reception where boy side of the family and 500-1000 people comes .
His mother also asked him twice to shut off my social media and commented on my decent pictures because it's a shame for their family that I belong to the caste that is lower to them. He doesn't believe in any of this stupidity but he asked me to shut it off till wedding as their families reputation will get affected by this and he said it's not their mistake this is how their side of society thinks but later after some arguments he agreed this is all wrong.
His mother also talked with my mother that I sleep with his son but my mom didn't react to it as she know couple do spend time with each other😂
Despite both of us earning a income of Rs 18 lakh each per year which is quite a good income in India, we can hardly go out or enjoy our earnings because he is constantly facing financial problems. For him, a nearby low-budget trip is considered a good outing, whereas everyone around us, who earn significantly less, manage to travel to better places. He uses a simple mobile phone and rides a basic bike, but his family has managed to buy a car and an expensive electric vehicle, enjoying a lifestyle much better than ours.
After numerous arguments, he finally agreed to go out sometimes, but I can tell that he doesn't truly enjoy it. It's just his presence; he doesn't seem to derive any pleasure from these outings.
I waited for a year as responsibile gf for things to get better I have never asked him for pay for anything for me and also stoped him to do any heavy expenses for anything so that loan burder can be reduced and we can live freely but there was no appreciation for it on the other hand I was said that I have high aspirations in life as he went to to 2-3 nearby places for our birthdays where we did splitup of all our experiences.
I am not going to lie here but due to frustration and constant fight we used some abusive languages and my language was harsh for his family.
Moreover, his 32-year-old brother, who earns Rs 30,000 per month, has greatly benefited from my boyfriend’s generosity. My boyfriend paid Rs 2.5 lakh for his brother's wife's education and Rs 1 lakh for a scooter. While I was initially pleased that she started earning more than her husband and her hard work paid off but it really stressed me that they made the decision to have their first child right after their honeymoon when no were earning minimal without any financial or family planning and they will do the same in the future as well.
For the past two years, my boyfriend has been telling me that his brother is preparing for exams, planning to start a business, learning digital marketing, etc. However, I recently saw his resume, and it was of very poor quality, almost as if it had been prepared by a seventh grader. There were numerous spelling errors, including his own job title. If he is at this stage at 32 I don't think he will ever be able to grow properly and my bf will take all guilt of it like he does now.
Furthermore, my boyfriend often talks about wanting to make significant investments of Mart for his brother and was on the verge of taking a Rs 60 lakh loan which I managed to stop. Given these patterns of financial behavior, I'm deeply concerned about our future together. Is this level of financial dependency and mismanagement normal, or should I be seriously worried about the sustainability of our relationship and our financial future?
submitted by Excellent_Piccolo_58 to RelationshipIndia [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:11 throwx-away I broke down at my cousin’s graduation reception

My cousin had their graduation reception this week. All of my extended family, plus their relatives and friends/classmates (that are strangers to me), was there.
I’d been dreading this event for weeks. Not only was this extra painful to attend since I’m in my early 20s and haven’t graduated yet myself (from high school). My social anxiety is worse than ever since I quit my job and decided to study for my high school diploma instead. I used to work at the front desk, but now I’m very socially isolated and all of my old problems are back. I’ve become completely socially inept. I also hate to talk about myself, because I’m nothing right now. I don’t exercise, I’ve got no job, no friends, no social events taking up my time. I don’t exercise, I don’t cook and I can’t even take care of my apartment. I’m not working on my drivers license. I do nothing except pretend to study since I wasn’t even accepted into the course I applied for. So what would there be for me to talk about?
The night before the reception, I barely even slept. At most I got 2-3 hours of sleep. Upon that, I’d been drinking alcohol to cope the night before and the morning of this day. Only around 10-15 ml of whine over the course of 12 hours, but I’m very small so I’m sensitive to alcohol.
The sleep deprivation made me emotional and the alcohol exaggerated this. I felt ugly and skinny. And as soon as I was approaching their house (together with my mom, fortunately) I felt my heart banging in my chest.
My voice felt so weak, like it would break if I opened my mouth to talk. When I greeted my cousin I couldn’t even manage to say “congratulations”, all I got out was “hello”. When my uncle greeted me he said something like “Hello, what’s up!” and he hugged me but I couldn’t even answer, I think I replied hello though. To everyone who said something to me I could only answer with one word.
I felt my eyes getting teary and I had this lump in my throat. I just knew if I talked that I would break into tears. I was there for around 15-30 minutes before I broke down and during all this time I was just fighting my tears. It was horrible.
It was kind of cold outside and when my mom asked if I wanted to go inside and grab my jacket I said “I’m about to break down” and as I said that the tears just started streaming down my face. I asked if I could go home and my mom said “Not yet, that would be rude”.
She followed me to the bathroom so that I could cry it out and gather myself. I couldn’t bring myself back to normal, though, and my youngest sister had to follow me home.
My mom blames herself. She apologised so many times for leaving me alone at the reception. She knows I have social phobia. But there was nothing she could’ve done, I was already a mess. I couldn’t tell her about the wine or the sleep deprivation
I’m 21, not 11. This is not normal behaviour. I couldn’t even greet people, my mom had to present me and say “This is X, my daughter”.
I acted so strange, especially when I stood at the party all by myself staring into the ground swaying side to side trying so much not to break down into tears. My aunt saw this and tried to start a conversation, but at this point I was so close to breaking. I could barely look her in the eyes and could only reply by nodding. My eyes were red.
I regretted not bringing my phone or putting on a watch just so I could look busy. I regretted quitting my job, because if I had a job I could’ve just said I had to work instead of attending this.
They had even bought vegan food, just for me. And I just left. And I think a few people saw me crying. Even more people saw me acting strange.
I really made a fool of myself. I felt like a freak.
I could let this go fairly easy, though. I felt fine during the day after this, but today I had lunch with my family and all they could talk about was the party. That brought back so much shame and anxiety. I went home, listened to music, took a glass of whine and cried.
I don’t think I would’ve have cried at the reception if I’d just slept enough…
Has anyone been though something similar?
submitted by throwx-away to socialanxiety [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:09 Deadsea3132 I (22M) was escalating flirting on Snapchat with a girl (21F) last night, what do you think about her reaction?

I was flirting with a girl last night over Snapchat, we’ve been talking for a full month now. We went on a first date a month ago and after the date, she went on vacation until mid August. So we have been snapchatting/texting since. We have been texting all day, every day, good morning/night texts included.
So last night I was flirting with her, saying things like “I hate you so much” and she’d respond with “I know that’s a load of bullshit”. I’d respond “you keep thinking that, just don’t want you getting the wrong memo!” and then we switched the convo to a different topic, and I called her gorgeous. She then responded with multiple snaps of her covering her face and a video of her screaming into a pillow. Lmao. I then asked her, “what’s wrong?” And she said “well you are being very talkative tonight and I have many complaints with it but also no complaints”
Then, after that, she said she was CRAVING pizza. So I said “my name’s pizza😉” and she did the same thing as before, replying with snaps covering her face.
Sometimes she says she doesn’t like me, and I’d respond the same way she does: “I know you’re lying” and she would double down and say she hates me.
Keep in mind, this whole convo was late at night and she was consistently responding to me within a minute.
I think she’s playing along and liked it, but im genuinely so bad at reading women and this is my first time dating/flirting/talking to a girl. Would love your insight over her reactions/whether she likes it and if I should continue things like this.
I don’t see her until mid August so I have to keep working on talking to her until then, when we can go on a second date or start relationship.
submitted by Deadsea3132 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:08 Gloomy-Homework-7153 Our public game ruined by a random child

TL;DR Me and my players from different groups meet IRL for the first time and decide to play a game at local con, but some unbearable kid's behaviour forces us to leave.
Hey! Author of this story here!
First of all, a quick off topic: I wanted to share the fact that at this point I have two functioning DnD parties (one is my regular group and the other one consists from people I've mentioned in previous post). Also if you're interested in our DM's backstory from previous post - bad news, we still don't know much. The only thing Sorcerer let us know is that DM had a favourite curse word in school, which was the word "f@ggot". In fact, the DM liked it so much that at some point he was calling EVERYBODY with this word. This backfired rather badly, cause his classmates started to use this word as his nickname. That and the fact that this dude is pretty sensitive towards "the gay stuff" is everything that we know so far and unfortunatelly we won't have an opportunity to investigate more, cause the Sorcerer declined an invitation to our game. Anyway, let's move on to the actual story.
So, few of my regular party members had to go to one city for different reasons and we decided to have a short trip to meet IRL for the first time (some of us are from the different parts of the same country and some are from abroad). Luckily, there was a relatively small con in the city at the time, so we decided to go there and play DND for three days straight. I warned my second party about the fact that I won't be able to play next week and it turned out that the Barbarian from the second party lives in the city we were visiting. Needles to say, I immediately decided to take her with us. So, we gather up at this con, chat, walk and have some fun in general. At last, we head to Tabletop area, pick up the table, sit and start playing. Two hours in, we decide to take a break. Few guys stay at the table and the others go outside. Me and Barbarian go to buy some food and drinks, while having some spontaneous date going on. When we come back - there's a 10 or 12 y.o. child sitting at our table and reading my notes behind the DM screen. Now, don't get me wrong: I knew that we were going to play in public, which means that there will be other people and some of them might want to watch, or even join the game. For that instance I created few extra character sheets that I was going to sell for some symbolic price to anybody who wants in. We specifically discussed that it will be alright if we let 2-3 people to play with us. Unfortunatelly, my campaign has R rating, 16+ at best. My players were having a chat with an owner of a BROTHEL at the time we took a break. Luckily, my notes are just a bunch of NPC names, nothing detailed. So, I step up to the kid.
Me: Hey, fella. Can I ask you to leave our table? It's an adult game, you probably shouldn't be hear. Also it's kinda rude to read other people's notes, don't you think?
The Kid: But you're playing DnD, right? I have a DnD character too! Look, he's a cool robot *shows me a pic on his phone*
Me: Yeah, that's cool. Still, we can't let you play with us. Our game is adult themed. There are few more DnD tables, maybe you could join them instead?
Kid: I have a character sheet!
Barbarian: Cool. Anyway, you can't play with us. Period. No offense, buddy. We're just playing our own game and no kids allowed.
The kid gets up and leaves. I let out a sigh of relief and take my place. We continue the campaign. Players are on the mission to find few prostitutes and ask them about a murder related to brothel business. At some point there is a scene, where the Barbarian hooks up with one of the girls to get information while pretending to be her actual client. Right at the moment when I start describing how the prostitute imitates "you know what" and tells info to the Barbarian - the kid shows up again and sits next to our table, all ears.
Me: She leans on to you, breathes heavily and let's out a moan, covering the whisper... What the hell, dude?
Kid: They play Daggersomething, only you play DnD here! I like DnD more!
My friend (to me): Maybe we could tone done the narrative a bit and let him stay?
Me: *Sigh* Alright. Ok, listen, you can stay, just don't interrupt us.
Kid: Can I play?
The whole table: NO.
Me: It's an adult campaign. I'm going to tone down the narrative cause you sit here, but I don't wanna be responsible for your involvement in some nasty stuff.
Barbarian: And also we don't want to work as babysitters, with all due respect.
The Kid: Fine. I'll just watch then.
We continue the game, even though the moment is clearly lost and we have to filter out half of the stuff that is normal to us. I decide to replace the word "prostitute" with a "courtesan".
Kid: What's a courtesan?
Me: Doesn't matter. Dude, I thought we had a deal? Don't interrupt us, please.
Kid: Sorry, I'll google it.
He pulls out a phone and starts typing on sounded keyboard that somehow sounds louder then the whole damn noise of the event. Honestly, when we've seen him pulling out a phone - we should've leave immediately. But unfortunately I'm not really familiar enough with the dangers, that unripened humans can provide, so I just went forward. Few minutes pass and suddenly we hear the sounds of the eldritch horror called "DnD TickTock" being summoned and broadcasted upon our plane.
My friend; Hey, kid! Can you keep it down or put on headphones? Please, for the love of C'thulu.
Kid: I'm not talking!
Friend: Yeah, but your phone does and it's annoying.
Kid: I just watching some DnD stuff. Why is it annoying? Don't you guys play it right now?
Barbarian: What's your problem, kid? You're ruining our game. Can you please just stop or leave us alone at once?
Kid: Pfft, f-i-i-ine.
At this point I'm already boiling up. I feel that I want to end the session and leave to find some other place to play, but unfortunatelly our time is limited and there's no good place to stay anywhere around, other then at the con. I brace myself and continue. There is a specific situation where the NPC is "not convinced" by the information, that players have given. In my mind they need to either make things up, or use some magic, or bring more evidence, or just take it and leave it. My players know that damn well and while they are searching through their spells we hear loud "Make a Persuasion check!!!!". Before I even react to that, Barbarian stands up, picks up her stuff and gets out.
Me: Hey, you're leaving?
Barbarian: I'm gonna call somebody from the staff. Sorry, I'm about to waste a charge of Rage IRL. Will be back in a minute.
We just sit and wait while she comes back. Suddenly the kid takes her chair and sits with us.
Kid: Hey, maybe I can play with you since she left?
Me: I've said, clearly said "No". Like three times.
One of the players: Why do you want to play with us? Is it because of the murder or the hookers?
Kid: *laughs*
My friend: Kids these days, huh?
Barbarian returns with one of the managers.
Manager (to kid): Hey, buddy. What's happening here?
The Kid: I wanna play DnD.
Me: And we have prostitute murders in our game. We asked him to leave multiple times.
Manager (to us): This is public event. He's doesn't have to leave only because you think so.
Barbarian: Sweet! Hey, DM! Let's proceed from the scene where I paid the hooker for the info. Can't wait to hear how you would replicate her moaning.
Manager: Alright, listen. We will make a separate zone for adults, but only tomorrow. Today - sorry. Like I said, that's a public event. Either turn thing down and let the kid stay, or just stop and leave.
And that's what we did. Packed our stuff and left for good. When we were leaving, the kid was sitting at our table and rolling a bunch of dice. Seeing this, the Barbarian sighed and said "I freaking hate children" and I was so much agreed with her. I just hope that they will make an adult zone tomorrow as the manager promised, cause I don't think I have any more patience to endure some annoying children.
submitted by Gloomy-Homework-7153 to rpghorrorstories [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:07 Primary-Reflection80 it's so tiring to live with my father

ever since my dad (m59) retired, living with him has been incredibly stifling and i've (f19) been feeling very low and anxious over hearing all of the arguements that he has been having with my mom (f58).
my dad has no friends, and only leaves the house to go for jogs or visit his mom (he's a bit of a mama's boy) and spends most of his time either cleaning/doing chores or watching TV at home.
he has this weird obsession with cleaniness, and i've never had friends over because of this (except for once where my ex-friend entered our house without my permission, and he didn't talk to me for a week after finding out. i was 9.). he monitors my mom when she is doing chores like mopping, and make comments when he feels that she isn't clean enough for his standard. he is stubborn and believes that his method of cleaning is the best, and this has caused a lot of arguments ever since his retirement as he seems to nitpick at whatever we do.
when i fainted in the toilet after a really painful poop and even broke my glasses and hit my head, his first comment was telling me to shower as the toilet floor is dirty, before asking me about my safety (does it still hurt, am i okay). my mom freaked out and accompanied me to the nearest optican to get my glasses fixed as she was worried that i would feel dizzy with my broken glasses. it seems like such a small issue, but it really broke me and i kept crying at the glasses shop. i know he loves me but at that point of time i just felt so unloved.
on friday, he got mad because his sister and niece insisted on coming over to our house to have a look. my mom is horrible at rejecting others, so she let them in, and he found out about it. he started giving us the silent treatment (he always does that when he's mad and stops talking to us for days - this always makes me feel really anxious because i hate how poor the atmosphere of our house becomes)
just today, he saw a whole piece of wet tissue in the bin. he took it out and started questioning my mom and i on who used it. i was the one who used it as i was wiping my mom's and my phone after we went out together, and forgot to rip the wet tissue into half (to save wet tissues).
my mom and i have been ranting to his sisters and he acknowledges that his germophobia is a problem and always promises changes but never delivers it. he says he's trying, but my mom and i had enough of waiting. i encouraged him to seek a therapist, but he shut me down and is incredibly stubborn about not needing one.
all of their arguments are frankly taking a toll on my mental health (i feel really lonely as i'm an only child and can't help but feel that no one understands my feelings as no one is in my specific position) & my mom who also has her own issues kept ranting about my dad to me when i was preparing for my national examinations despite telling her to stop as i wanted to focus on studying rather than having their fights repeat again and again in my head.
thankfully i managed to do well in the end, got into my desired course and i'm moving out for university in 2 months. but i can't help but worry about my mom as she will be alone with him (she is financially dependent on him). my mom considered a divorce, but is held back by our finances. i can't help but get myself involved by trying to fix things for them as i just can't stand a household so quiet and i keep picking up on their negative emotions to the point it's driving me crazy. one of my aunts talked to me and said it isn't my responsibility, and it's not fair for my parents to place their emotional burdens on me. she told me to focus on myself. i know this and i'm trying but it's so hard and i keep ending up getting myself involved. but i'm really tired.
this time, i'm going to stop getting myself involved. i'm going to work hard to get a good job, and find a safe place for my mom and i to move out to. then, we will finally be free of all of these.
i love my dad, i really do. i know he loves me too and i can see it. for the majority of my childhood, he has been an amazing dad and although we aren't rich, i grew up happy and bubbly (many of my teachers talk about how cheerful and carefree i was, and how i brought a lot of joy to the class with my jokes). i'm thankful he brought me to this world, and i'm grateful that he is a present father who tried his best to give me everything he could.
(tbh, i'm lost and i don't really know what to do. i keep having this guilt when i think of wanting to move away especially since i'm an only child so the responsibility of taking care of my parents as they enter their twilight years falls entirely on me. filial piety is deeply ingrained in me due to my culture so this thought has been eating me up. if anyone knows how to encourage my stubborn asian father to go to therapy when he is finally talking to my mom and i again, please drop some tips in the comments! i really want to help him but i don't know how! i know i sound like i'm really done with him right now but it's my anger talking... i'm a soft-hearted person so i know i will struggle really hard with acting on the idea of taking my mom away when i'm financially independent and going no contact with my dad :") it's my soft heartedness that ends up initiating conversations with him in hopes of ending his silent treatment when i know i should just leave him to be TT should i just try to be more emotionally independent instead and steel myself to limit my conversations with him? do i just ignore him everytime he gets mad because i find myself talking back to him out of anger. i don't even know where to start because all of my family's problems escalated so suddenly. i've always been close to them and i admit i'm quite emotionally reliant on them but i really have no idea where to start. choosing to stay in a hostel was me forcing myself to be less reliant on them as i initially did not want to stay on campus because i wasn't comfortable being away from my parents (+ family members telling me about the wonderful experiences they had and how it would be better for my mental health right now seeing the predicament i'm in) but i'm not sure if that's the right way to go about it.)
tldr: want my dad to see a therapist, but he is stubborn on not seeing one. it's destroying his marriage with my mom, and my relationship with him.
edit: i forgot to add this!! i'm sorry if i sound like a conflicted mess because i really am one right now LOL and if they're any grammar issues it's because i rarely use it at home! also if anyone has tips on how to be less emotionally reliant on my parents please let me know :") i want to help my dad but i realise i should help myself first before i can encourage him LOL bc tbh i keep getting worried about the idea of living on campus
submitted by Primary-Reflection80 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:04 david_thememegod HELP IDK WHAT TO DO ANYMORE I'm so confused

So, I had been seeing this girl for about 4 months friends for 2 months and dating for 2, good girl I've met in a fat while lol met her family and everything and she met mine. After Valentines the next week we have another small mini date were we went to the mall and gas station and went to a park in the afternoon. Next day she text and I text All fine. Like 4-5 days pass and we haven't texted or called and I wonder if she's ok? so I call her and doesn't answer that night. 2 hours later she posts she's overthinking and posting about it on Instagram notes. I texted her asking what was wrong, but she brushed it off, saying it was just a silly text, which I knew wasn't true. 2 days later I text her saying if she's eaten since she sometimes does eat cause of school and work are so close time wise and takes longer to respond than usual which I found odd.. but thought nothing of it. 3 days later she calls me to play Stardew valley so, we played Stardew Valley, and afterward, she posted again on IG, saying, "I just don't know anymore." I told her we needed to meet and talk but kinda said separate cars since idk why I had a bad feeling.
We met up and talked. At first, she tried to change the subject, but I persisted. Finally, she said she didn't know how if she could add me to her life because of school, family, and friends. It felt like she saw me as an obstacle so i asked and she said no and so I let her talk more. After hearing her talk I had to ask her how she'd feel if I just left or vanished, and she immediately said she wouldn't care, which stung. A few seconds later, she corrected herself, saying she would care. I asked if she wanted to continue what we had or just be friends. She implied friends with benefits, but I told her we would be just friends, nothing more, and she agreed. She also told me not to wait for her and mentioned that I shouldn't have left her alone for too long. She asked me to ignore any texts or calls from her later that night(got a can i take it back it was a mistake IG note that night). She also mentioned how she hoped it ended with like making out and stuff I think she meant make up but man after everything she said u know it hurt and to throw away the letter she gave me and (believe said delete pictures forgot). Despite everything, I gave her a birthday gift and a final kiss since her birthday was coming up. (Ended on good terms)
The next day, I couldn't get our conversation out of my head. It hurt, so I decided, with the help of God, to break it off. Something was telling me it was for the best. I told her I hoped she found someone who could truly make her happy and wished her the best. She cried and thanked me.
The next day, she sent me an apology, saying she didn't want me to deal with her bipolar disorder and her changing feelings about me every day. She said she wouldn't regret being with me and would respect it if I did not be friends and she truly still cares for me and maybe it was for the better. A few days later, I saw her IG notes saying how she hated being bipolar and how "love isn't real (for some)." It didn't make sense to me, but I ignored it. Also she said how shes cold now at night cause apparently she has no heater so I texted her saying if she wanted my jacket back since it was very wooly and told her I didn't want to to suffer in the cold for something trivial and she could have it. She replied no it's fine and it's mine anyways. So I left it at that
We became friends again a few days later inicated by me. She asked me to call her on IG notes. I said I would call at 10, and then she said she didn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. It seemed like she wanted to get something off her chest, but she said no not really. When I called, she hung up and told me to beg. I refused, and she responded by saying, "You're just so cute, I can't stay mad at you," and "your warmth is incomparable." I felt like I was being played with, so I ignored it.
We sent each other a few reels on Instagram, but at the end of the month, I went to the store where she works. I sort of ignored her because she looked busy handling pallets. She posted on IG, "Not even a hello???" I told her she looked busy. A few days later, I went back to the store for snacks for an upcoming road trip. She approached me to say hi, and we looked at each other awkwardly. Two guys started talking to me, and she walked away. When I was done I went looking for her at her department continue talking but she went in and then left kinda fast. Later, I texted her saying I wanted to say hi but those guys interrupted she asked if I had her phone number I said yea but told her idk wat to say to you anymore tho 💀 and so I asked if she wanted to continue playing Stardew Valley, but she said she was busy all day tomorrow so i left it at that. Then, she posted on IG, "I have a stalker," which felt like it was toward me
Idk what she wants
I waited until the next morning, still up so unfollowed her, and went on my trip. Two days later, she liked my pictures with me in it from the trip. And I'm so confused
We also talked about making it official and what not but she said it can't be in this specific month cause it's her birthday month which was kinda weird cause I haven't heard anyone say that but I said ok.. and then there was one instance where she said she can claim me as hers but I can't claim her as mine which made no sense she said it's a girl thing... Which was odd... But Thai was before the whole tip happened
submitted by david_thememegod to Advice [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:04 hecatedreamz Do people still buy temp. SIM cards?

Leaving for Greece soon & wondering what to do with my cell phone.
Spent a few months in Europe back before COVID & bought a temp SIM card to use during my time there. Worked out great! When I got a new phone, the people at Verizon told me I no longer have a physical SIM card ....
Is there a new way people go about doing things? Or do I need to arrange it through Verizon now?
Thanks!
submitted by hecatedreamz to travel [link] [comments]


2024.06.09 15:01 ibid-11962 Worldbuilding and Touring [Post Murtagh Christopher Paolini Q&A Wrap Up #10]

As discussed in the first post, this is my ongoing compilation of the remaining questions Christopher has answered online between August 1st 2023 and April 30th 2024 which I've not already covered in other compilations.
As always, questions are sorted by topic, and each Q&A is annotated with a bracketed source number. Links to every source used and to the other parts of this compilation will be provided in a comment below.
The previous post focused specifically on inspirations and other media. This installment will focus on Worldbuilding and Touring, how Christopher constructs his worlds, and how he goes about promoting them on tours. The topics aren't actually linked, but they both fill up around half a post and so are being joined here. The next and final post will focus on miscellaneous questions about the real world.

Worldbuilding

Creating Magic Systems
Did you have a research process when you were writing the Inheritance Cycle? I put a fair bit of thought into the story itself of the Inheritance Cycle, and then some general stuff as to the society and just kind of where things were in the world before writing it. I put a medium amount of thought into the magic system before I started writing, and then as I wrote the implications of it became much more apparent to me, and I really sort of dove deep into it. In retrospect, were I to create a fantasy world from scratch now, I would really put a lot of attention into that magic system and the society beforehand, just to have a good feel for that before I even start chapter one. I would put more restrictions on the magic too. I think the more restrictions, the more interesting, even the more realistic in some ways. [3]
If I were designing a magic system from scratch nowadays I would put way more restrictions on it because I find that the limitations are useful, I don't want the characters getting overpowered, but also just from a storytelling standpoint, incantations, rituals, spells, prayers, potions, all of those mechanical things are just kind of interesting and of course they give lots of opportunities for things to go wrong if you don't follow the correct steps. So I think if I were designing magic from scratch right now I'd put a lot of restrictions and rituals associated with it. So costs, more costs. [25]
What kind of hacks do you have to developing a magic system? Once I have a general idea of the setting, whether science fiction or fantasy, the first question I ask myself is how does it diverge from physics as we know it? Because that is a fundamental question that's going to determine what is possible in this world. It might determine what's possible with warfare, with politics, with industry, manufacturing, travel times, it could affect everything depending on what type of divergence you have. In the World of Eragon, the divergence is that living creatures have the ability to directly manipulate energy using their minds. The reason for that is kind of handwavy, although I have an explanation for it, but that is the divergence and then I tried to be as consistent and physically possible with it at every step of the way past that. When people play games you always get people who are looking how to exploit it. "What's the most I can get out of this game? What's the most I can do?" That's basic human nature. Science is a speedrunning nature I think. So the same sort of thing. You assume that if magic existed there's going to be someone sitting in their basement who's absolutely obsessive about it and is going to figure out every single advantage that that divergence gives them. And you have to be realistic and work that into your world and say "Well people aren't stupid. They are going to figure this out and use it in this way, and what are the implications, socially, physically, and everything else?" Once I have that then you can think about society and culture and everything else, but that basic physical difference from our reality is just to me fundamentally important to understand before I even begin to write. [25]
With standalones you're not dealing with continuity or what rule did you break or things like that. That's interesting, because I would say that writing a sequel for me is faster than writing a standalone. At least for me, the more I know the characters and the world, the faster, like I don't have to do the groundwork of creating a magic system, creating a society, creating the gods and the history. All that's done for me, so I can just slip into it like slipping on an old glove. [33]
Creating Religions
A socio-political religion in your world helps drive characters or stories or die-hard fanatic characters forward. How do you go about developing those? Have the courage to let your characters actually believe the things that they are supposed to believe. If you look back historically people really did truly believe these different religions and different systems. Too often I think with modern stories we have people only giving lip service to the supposed belief and instead having very modern attitudes toward it which perhaps doesn't always work. That's understandable if you want a character to be relatable to a modern reader, but there are so many examples of interesting belief systems throughout the world. To me that's something fascinating to write about. But the main thing is just accept that when people truly believe something they're genuine about it and then you can follow that from a logical and storytelling standpoint. What I'd also say is, if you're writing about something that is very different from your own belief system, assuming it's not like completely evil, to try to approach it with a sense of charity. With the understanding that everyone is searching for meaning and understanding. I've always had a soft spot for the old television show Babylon 5, because although I don't believe that the creator J. Michael Straczynski is religious, he writes all of his characters with great sympathy and understanding, he's never cynical about it, and he's not putting up straw man arguments or criticizing any of the characters. He's like "They're searching for meaning. They're struggling with the great questions as we all do, and each one is trying to solve those questions in their own way." And I always really appreciated that he wasn't being cynical about it or really shallow. [25]
Creating Languages
Did you think of the ancient language, not just as a mechanic, but also as a parable of our own language? I was thinking about how language itself feels like magic to me. You can write a story, you can convey information. Language in many ways is our greatest tool and makes us human along with, I would argue, our hands, our ability to manipulate objects and use actual tools. But one without the other wouldn't really work and wouldn't allow us to be a technological species. We could have language with no ability to handle tools, and then we wouldn't be what we are now. But I find language fascinating and I find the function of language incredibly interesting. And there is this idea in the real world going back to the beginning of time, that to name something is to understand it, and gives you a certain amount of power over it, whether that's a person or a physical object. And the ancient language is just taking that idea seriously. And I'm not the first author or tradition to do that, but is it a parallel? Is it a metaphor? I don't know if I'd go that far, but it definitely ties into the use of language and my ideas about it. What's crazy to me is there is a theoretical arrangement of words right now that would give us a massive breakthrough in science and physics. There's a theoretical arrangement of words that were I to write it or anyone else would influence how people think about the next presidential election to such a degree that it might actually changed the election. These are all theoretically possible and you can think of many many other things that you could do with language. We just lack the knowledge of what those arrangement of words are, and so we're constantly clawing our way toward new knowledge and new uses of language. [19]
The languages that you were playing around with in The Inheritance cycle, they were Germanic, Anglo Saxon based? The ancient language, the magical language, is based very strongly on Old Norse, which of course is Germanic or related to Old High German. The Dwarven language was invented pretty much from scratch although it is an agglutinative language like German is. And then the other languages have not appeared very much in the series. They're just little scraps here and there. To be clear, I am not a linguist, and I have not devoted the time and energy to developing these in a formal or rigorous way, the way that Tolkien did. Tolken was a linguist and that was his forte. I got far enough down that path while working on the Inheritance Cycle that I really began to appreciate how every word has a history and that history is inexorably tied to the history of the land. It's often said that Tolkien created Middle-earth just to explain his languages, as a setting for the languages. Which isn't entirely true, but there is truth to that. That's what I was encountering and I was realizing that I could spend 20 years, 10 years, just working on the languages and building this out. It might have been a worthwhile venture, but the tradeoff would have been no more books published during that time. I want to tell a story. [28]
What I would do these days, or what I did with other languages, is come up with a couple of words that sort of had a general feel that I liked and then extrapolating from those invented words, figuring out what consonants and vowels and clusters thereof that I wanted. Come up with some more sample words based off that and then start working out some grammar. Grammar is probably my weakest spot since at the time I wasn't really aware of non-English grammar systems and I've put some more attention in that since then. [34]
The language and culture that you describe in the books seem very real. How do you start inventing a language? You shamelessly steal from Germanic mythology and Scandinavian mythology, just like Tolkien did. But I'm no linguist, I did my best, I have a copy of the Nibelungen up on my shelf along with the Eddas, and I based one of my languages on Old Norse, which gave it a nice sound and feel. So the main thing is picking things that make sense for your world and then trying to be internally consistent. [2]
Creating Maps
At what point in your writing process do you start creating the map? I've created the maps at different times in different books. At first I thought I didn't need a map because I thought that a good book should be perfectly understandable without a map. You shouldn't need to rely on anything outside of the text in order to enjoy it. And I still think that's generally true, but a map can add a lot. So for Eragon, I did it partway through the book. If I were to do a stand-alone fantasy novel, I would definitely want to work out the maps and stuff before writing it. [12]
The map for Eragon, the original black and white map, I did about halfway or a third of the way into Eragon. My idea was, and I still kind of believe this, that a well-written book shouldn't need a map in order to understand the story. You should be able to keep your bearings just based off the text. What I ran into though was that I was getting lost in the world myself with the amount of places and things after a certain point. And so I drew a map. [34]
For me I think if you're creating something in the real world obviously that gives you certain constraints and certain advantages but if you're starting with something from scratch, I find creating a map right up front is really helpful because your story is not going to visit every square inch on your map so by filling in those other details on the map you're going to get more story ideas and also ideas for potential conflicts, travel distances. It all feeds into the realism of the story as well as potentially future stories. It's fun stuff. The downside is you could spend your whole life worldbuilding. There's a there's a book from World War Two called Islandia, and the guy just spent his whole life creating this island and its culture to the point of working out the actual layers of geography of stone in the island. I've never actually read the book, I don't know if it's any good, but I know it was fairly popular when it came out. [25]
What hacks do you have for for creating geography and points of interest within your world? When I was creating the map for Alagaësia I actually used a old National Geographic Atlas and traced over various coastlines and then distorted them and pasted on top of each other in order to get sort of a natural feeling coastline. Please don't compare the island of Vroengard to the outline of Greece. Please don't do that. And then you have Robin Hobb who just turned Alaska upside down for her map which I always love because I've lived in Alaska twice. I think she told me that she never actually expected the book to get published, but then she got stuck with that because everything was tied to the geography that she started with. [25]
I think that a good map ought to have lots of points of interest, and the tricky bit is, without getting so detailed that it becomes cluttered. You see that sometimes with real world maps, like atlases and stuff, where there's a ton of place names, city names, river names, road names. All of which are useful and necessary, but it can actually visually get in the way of the art, perhaps the artistic effect that you would want a fantasy map to have in a book or a movie or even a game. [12]
There are world generators that you can just click through. It's really easy nowadays with technology to build worlds just by snapping your fingers. Even with those tools, if you have the time and inclination, I think there is some benefit to redrawing or painting the maps in your own style. I don't know about you, I love seeing when the maps are from the author themselves. I remember Memory, Sorrow, and Thorn by Tad Williams. Tad did all the maps himself, and I love that. Even if it's imperfect or a little amateurish it just gives it a really nice feel. I love Tolkien's original art for the same reason. [25]
Creating Dragons
You are the creator of your own world. Do you feel that you have follow certain canons of fantasy worlds, for example, dragons have four legs and wyverns have two? Or do you feel that you can practically do whatever you want because it's fantasy and you create everything? Yes and no. No because I have already established rules and traditions and precedence in The World of Eragon, so I have to be consistent with that. But if I were writing a new fantasy, I would not feel beholden to any tradition. If I wanted to write a world where the dragons have three legs or feathers or something like that then I would feel free to do that. That's the great thing about speculative fiction is it gives you the freedom to write and create whatever you want to. The thing is when you have a genre where anything is possible it actually reveals the limitations of your imagination. And there are very few authors, myself included, who really make full use of that. But at the same time, limitations can make your fiction more interesting. I think it's important to pick some limitations and that will help actually improve the quality of your work. [7]
Why did you decide to have your dragons have a saddle? I was around horses growing up. And the thought of actually physically being on a creature with very hard scales was rather terrifying if thought about in a practical sense. And so it just seemed to me that there had to be some protection. [33]
When you're writing fantasy and you include dragons, especially a dragon rider fantasy, depending on how many there are there, it's actually quite a difficult thing to not solve all your problems with dragons. I think the solution to that is you focus on the problems that dragons present, which balances out the advantages. And of course people are smart, whether we're talking about humans or elves or dwarves or any other invented species. If dragons were real, you'd come up with counters to them, whether it's a bunch of giant ballistae on your walls, or building domed fortresses, or building underground. You would come up with solutions and it would negate those advantages. And that's always my issue with writing fiction with dragons in the real world. If it's a slightly more modern, then you have to ask, well, why isn't everything different in history? Like if dragons were a constant part of our world, architecture would be different, warfare would be different, politics would be different. Well, no, politics would be the same. What am I saying? [30]
I'm sure all of us have seen the fantasy paintings of like a knight in armor with a lance on a horse facing off against a dragon. Now, to be fair, a lance moving at a decent speed at a horse galloping will have enough kinetic energy behind it to punch through just about anything. It could do a lot of damage. But any decent sized dragon would move so fast and be so strong, you wouldn't have a chance with a lance. You'd need a giant crossbow. That'd be your only choice. The size of a dragon, intelligence of a dragon. Until you get to projectile weapons, you have no chance. [30]
We all know what any creature gets when they bond with a dragon. They get a dragon. But why would a dragon create that bond? Why would they do it? Is it the bond, is it their nature? I think for me, having other species bond with the dragons was essentially a way to keep the dragons from getting wiped out. Because dragons are such a huge threat. If you imagine in the real world, we don't suffer giant predators to be constantly predating and disrupting our world. We remove that threat. Especially if there's magic involved, the ability to remove that threat gets even bigger. So in a way I viewed the bond between rider and dragon as essentially self preservation for the dragons, if not the other species as well. Without some sort of symbiotic relationship, coexistence becomes very, very difficult. That, or the dragons have to be smart enough to just essentially remove themselves from the world and live off in the far off places. But that gets really difficult when you start considering how much they need to eat. I remember reading the Live Ship Trader series and I remember the end of that spoiler alert where it's become clear that true dragons have returned now. And it really was kind of an oh crap moment because you start thinking about what that actually means for there to be dragons in the world again. It's kind of like Reign of Fire. [30]

Promoting The Books

Touring Hazards
How did you do on your book tour? It was a lot. It was a lot. I did 50 days of touring last year between Fractal Noise and Murtagh. Obviously the majority of that was for Murtagh. And of course I had a couple other trips in there as well. I went to New York Comic Con. I had one or two personal trips. So there was a lot of travel last year. My goal is to not have as much travel this year. In general, the book tours were awesome, great crowds for the Fractalverse, enormous crowds for World of Eragon/Murtagh. I don't normally talk about this stuff, but since we're past it, it doesn't matter. I started touring for Murtagh November 6th and then got home for good on December 16th. But there's always a risk of getting sick while you're traveling. And I did pretty well in the US leg of things. And then over in Europe between the jet lag and not sleeping- I had a really amazing dinner, one of my publishers took me out to a three star Michelin restaurant. The problem was the dinner started at 8pm and didn't finish till midnight. And there were two or three desserts, and the last dessert was full of coffee, and I didn't realize it. Absolutely full of coffee. And I did not get to sleep until like four in the morning. And I only had three hours of sleep that night. So I think I got sick the day after as a result. I got so sick on the European tour that at one of my stops I had to call paramedics to my hotel room at 2 a.m. because I couldn't breathe. Ended up with bronchitis for the first time in my life. But I'll have you know, I did every event. I didn't miss a single event. I managed to do all my presentations and made it through in one piece. I've never, never backed down from doing an event, even while bleeding. Can you tell us a little bit about the time that you were bleeding in an event? Well, I was in Europe. I was touring for Inheritance, I'd already toured North America, and then I started in Europe, went to UK, and then I went to Australia and New Zealand. But first country was Germany, and I think I did Munich and Cologne, and then I ended in Berlin. And in Berlin, they had me in this wonderful theater that's like over 100 years old, which is very rare in the city, considering all the bombing during the war. And I'm backstage, which meant down in the basement of this theater. And there's like 500 people out waiting for me to make an appearance and there's someone introducing me and they say my name and everyone starts clapping. And of course you want to get on stage before the applause dies down. And the way you got onto stage in this theater was through a set of stairs. And it really wasn't even steps. It was almost like a ladder and it was wood. And the steps were so old that they were basically hollowed out from all the people that have gone up and down it over the years. So I'm scrambling up this and about halfway up, my right foot slipped off the edge of one of the steps because it was hollowed out and full speed, full strength, full weight, I slammed my shin into the edge of one of the steps, stumbled forward two more steps and did it a second time. But momentum, adrenaline, I keep going, I get up on stage, I waved to everyone. And fortunately for me, because I was speaking to a foreign audience, they had me sitting at a table with a translator and a presenter. So I got to sit down and the table kind of hit everything from view. And I start the presentation, start the event. And after about, I don't know, five minutes, I'm thinking to myself, okay, I've banged my shin before. We've all banged our shins before, but this really bleepin' hurt. So I looked under the table and the whole front of my jean leg on my shin is soaked with blood. There is blood dripping onto the floor and my sock is soaked with blood. So I poked my translator, the presenter next to me that I was doing a couple of events with, and I said, "Hey, look at this". And he glances under and his face just goes white. And I'm colorblind and I saw his face go white. And he said, "Do we need to call an ambulance?" And I'm like, "No, no, we're going to do this." So I did an hour-long presentation. And then I got up and managed to quickly limp over to a signing table. And no one really noticed that I wasn't feeling so hot. And I got behind the signing table, and I signed books for 400 or 500 people. And the funny thing is, I was traveling with this foreign rights agent publicist for Random House named Jocelyn, who was just an absolute beast of a woman. I love her to death. You have to understand, she did a European book tour with me while eight months pregnant. The woman was and is just very impressive. But she grew up on a farm. German family in the US, grew up on a farm. So I showed her my leg when I was sitting down to sign and she just looked at me and she said, "You need to go to the hospital?" I said, "Nope". She said, "I knew you were country. Good man." Slapped me on the back. So I finished signing and then I went back to the hotel and I had to get into a tub of water to soak my jeans off because the blood had dried and glued them to my shin. And the problem was I had a dent all the way down to the bone. And I really should have gone to a hospital because, sorry for the gory details, but what happens is when you get a dent like that, you lose the fat under the skin between the skin and the bone and it doesn't come back unless you get an injection to help it puff out and heal. And I didn't do that because I was on tour, there was no time. So the next day I had to fly to pretty sure it was Barcelona for the St. George Book Festival, which is a walking festival. So you have to walk from bookstore to bookstore in the city and do signings. But that was a bit rough. That actually took over a year to heal properly. I still have that dent. Stuff happens. I've heard some crazy stories with other authors. I'd rather it's my blood, not the fan's blood. [32]
Touring Difficulties
We've got blood and sweat, any tears from tour? On occasion. The biggest one is just being away from home. And if anything is a bit off for whatever reason, you can't just pop home and hold someone or do this or do that. It's just difficult to be that far away from home for so long. [32]
If you're not familiar with book tours, the way it often works is that you fly to a city, you get to your hotel room, you have a little bit of time to freshen up, maybe get some food and then you go to the bookstore and you do your event. And it has to be after people get off from work, so it tends to be a later evening event. If you have a large number of people show up, that means that that time spent talking and signing pushes fairly late in the evening. You go back, you get dinner, and if you're a semi-introvert like so many authors tend to be, you need some time to decompress, which means you probably stay up a little too late reading or writing. And then in the morning, you got to go get another airplane flight and go to the new city. All of which is fine, but going to the airport, doing those flights, with the time it takes to go through an airport these days, it means that the schedule has very little time in it. When I toured for Fractal Noise, the publisher one of the days had me fly from Tampa to Portland and I still had to do an event that day. Which I agreed to. It was my own fault because they had everything on the East Coast and I said, "Well, what about the West Coast? You know, I have readers on the West Coast. They need to get a chance to get a signed book." It was my own fault. But that can get rough when you're doing it for weeks on end at a certain point. You just can't recover. A day off? What's that? But it's a good problem to have. That people want to see you and want to read your books. It's an awesome career to have. [1]
I'm also a big fan of coffee naps. So I will drink a cup of coffee, usually my second cup of coffee, and then I'll go take a nap, and I will nap for about 30 minutes, because after 30 minutes the coffee wakes me up. And I find that 15 to 30 minutes is the perfect length of a nap for me, and if I go past that, I need to sleep for about three hours, because otherwise I get into the middle of a REM cycle, and if I wake up in the middle of a REM cycle, I'm just like groggy and drugged, and I feel worse than if I hadn't napped at all. And then of course, if you're on book tour, the way I have been for a while, you gain the ability to just close your eyes at any point and take a 10 minute nap 15 minute nap anywhere, and it at least helps you stay upright. [19]
Meeting Fans around the World
You just got back from the U.S. leg of your book tour — who’s making up the crowd? The readership is broad and probably older than it was back in the day. There are still a lot of 8-year-olds, but now there are grandparents, too. I’ve even met some kids who’ve been named after the characters, which is pretty amazing. Because people have been reading the series for so long, I tend to get a mix of incredibly detailed, hyper-focused, deep-dive questions about some of the lore, but also some more general ones about Eragon’s name. [16]
I'm sure you hear personal stories all the time especially at your readings and your your appearances. It must be lovely, and I guess overwhelming to connect with your fans. That's a good way of putting it: lovely and overwhelming. Everyone has their own personal history with these books. I have people showing up who named their children after the characters, or who've gotten tattoos. Oh my goodness, what's the one you get? Multiple Saphiras, Aryas, Rorans, a couple of Eragons. As a writer, you want people to read your stories, enjoy them, be affected by them. If they're affected so strongly they name their children after your characters, you feel pretty good about it. [28]
Are your European fans different from your American fans? I actually haven't met any children here who are named after characters from my books. That seems to be an American phenomenon. The language barrier sometimes makes it a little more difficult to talk to European fans. But the love for Eragon is just as strong in Europe as it is in the US. This is not your first time on tour in Europe. Is there something you're missing here? I actually noticed that hotels in Europe usually don't have ironing boards or irons. This is standard equipment in America. [24]
My great-grandmother was from Sicily and then my grandfather was from Bologna. I just found out recently that my grandfather as a child was tutored by Fellini's wife. [7]
My grandfather was the stereotype of an elderly Italian gentleman. He had a mustache, he cooked spaghetti and he made the most amazing red sauce for the spaghetti. He used too much profanity. He was quite the character. [35]
Amsterdam is a beautiful city, but if I had grown up here I would probably still have written fantasy, but it would probably have influenced the type of fantasy I write. [23]
I was just in Stockholm on book tour for my latest book. And I've sold a really large number of books, proportionally in Sweden, and I'd never been there before. And I was kind of curious what their thoughts and feelings were on it, given the fact that I have shamelessly pillaged, Anglo-Saxon Scandinavian mythology for my own work. And they said native Swedish authors don't write using their own mythology, they go into the more literary veins and they import and translate other authors who are writing about Scandinavian mythology and they enjoy it immensely, but it doesn't seem to be a homegrown thing for them, which is rather odd, I think. [30]
Old Norse is not so far from German, do you speak a little bit of German? I understand a fair bit. When I've done presentations in Germany, I've had children ask me questions in German, and I can sometimes understand the entire question without translation, but I only speak a few words. [Host 2]: Let's try it. Can you ask the next question in German? Of course. Oh dear. [speaking quickly] Herr Paolini, wie viel von ihrer Vision für die ganze Serie hat sich mit der Zeit verändert? Hat es sich überhaupt verändert? Denn wenn man sich die frühen Werke anguckt, erkennt man, dass sehr viele Sachen aus den frühen Werken in den späteren wieder auftauchen. So dass es eigentlich unmöglich sein kann, dass sie das nicht von Anfang an komplett geplant haben? Translation please. That was not fair. But funny. Yeah, I was just asking, when you started writing the book, and it became not just one book, it became a whole world, it became a series, and I don't want to spoil anything, but if you read the first books and you read the later books, stuff comes up again, and it seems like you actually knew where it was going when you started writing, which is again insane because you were 15. Is that something you just got lucky, or did you really plan for a whole series when you started writing the first one? I planned because I tried writing some stories before Eragon, and I never got past the first five or ten pages because I didn't have a story. I would only have an inciting incident, like a young man finds a dragon egg in the forest. Well, fun, awesome, but that's not a story. So Eragon and the series as it was, was a writing exercise for myself to see if I could outline, plot, and then write at least the first book of a series. So yes, if you read the first book, Eragon, there's actually a scene, a dream sequence in the first book. And it is the very last scene of the last book. And I did that specifically so that I could point to it and say to my readers, "See, I knew what I was doing." But of course, it isn't the last book now. [2]
Before he finished signing them all he asked if I read Fractal Noise, I said yes. He then asked how I liked it. I said I liked To Sleep far more. And to be fair I did. But I could've been a little more less brunt about it. All in all I'm sorry Paolini. I hope you see this. Dude -- No need to apologize! I was the one who put you on the spot. I was just curious about Fractal Noise as it's pretty different from what I normally write. That said, I'm a big boy, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest if someone prefers one book over another. [R]
Have you been on TikTok? How do you find it? I have an account that my assistants post content on for me because I don't have the time and I don't want it on my phone, but it has been a really useful way to connect with readers, and I had a lot of people who came up during my book tour end of last year, who said that they found out about the events I was doing from the posts on TikTok. [33]
Outside of the tour, did you do anything to personally celebrate the release of Murtagh? No. Not to sound blase, but this isn't my first book I've released. Going on the tour is the celebration. Getting to meet the fans. It's an enormous expenditure of energy, time, effort, and it's very joyous and touching and meaningful for me. And I think for a lot of the readers. So that's the celebration. My team and I, we all kind of take a moment to pat ourselves on the back every time a book comes out and then it's back to the grind a bit. Also, I got to celebrate my 40th birthday while on book tour, and I got to celebrate it with my editor, my publicist, my former publicist who's been with me since the beginning. So that was really nice. [32]
Appearance
Being an author is like the best kind of semi-celebrity, because nine times out of ten, no one knows who you are, you can live a nice quiet life, and then you get to go out and meet people who like your work. And that's a real treat. I grew the beard partly to keep people from recognizing me. But then I've had it for so long that it doesn't work anymore. And I got tired of shaving. But the problem is the beard takes so much time and effort to take care of it, it doesn't save me any time. [1]
Did your hat end up getting fixed post-tour? Yup. Fixed it myself with a rivet. [T]
Any advice on how to wear a pirate's hat without it being weird? It's very simple. There's one ingredient. You wear it with confidence. That's all. [36]
Signing Books
People people don't maybe don't realize what an endurance race it is, especially when when books are this big and successful. Like the amount. I once did 9,280 books in an afternoon and a half at a warehouse. I had nine people helping. I stood. I find that if I stand, I don't use my wrist. I can isolate the arm. And I just had someone shove it under me, someone pull it out for me, and everyone else was boxing, unboxing and flapping. But it hurt. It really hurt. I dropped my first name this past year. For the first time in a 20 year career, I finally dropped my first name. Did you feel defeated? Yes. But I have kids now and I just could not afford the time and the strain on my body. I actually got two typewriters. I got really bad inflammation in my right thumb from all the signing and I find that typewriters alleviated that. Also heavier like mechanical keyboards seem to help. So I know like Robin Hobb has suffered some severe problems with her hands with the amount of typing she's done over the years. So yeah, it is an occupational hazard. [33]
I have to say, signing 30,000 sheets is SIGNIFICANTLY harder than mining or placing 30k blocks in #Minecraft. Lol. [T]
Do you have a PO Box or something? I’d pay shipping both ways to have you sign my books. P.O. box is listed on paolini.net. Just include return shipping, please. :D Alternatively, you can arrange signed copies through Conley's Books & Music in Livingston, MT. [R]
If I send a book to a P.O. Box and pay for shipping there and back, would you sign it? Yup. Address is on paolini.net [T]
submitted by ibid-11962 to Eragon [link] [comments]


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