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I accidentally posted this to my username instead of my subreddit so here is is:
The Mortgage, Part 3
“Fuck,” I said as I drove to work in the old beater that only started on the fourth try because it could tell that I was pissed off. Ray’s case started at two o’clock, and I was heading to the office to get ready. “Fuck fuck fuckity fucking fuck. Fuck.” I’d wanted to tell Angela about Ray’s case, and how I was sorry that I hadn’t wanted to help him, but now I would, I would help him, and I would win, but then I’d gotten her all riled up on something else, something totally different, something way more serious.
My wife had given me a triple ultimatum: fix things up with her father, save idiot Ray from Sy-Co Corp., and somehow find a downpayment for the place she wanted to buy, in the little townhouse infill project in Bixity. It was like demanding I do a double bank shot, and then run over to the baseball diamond and hit a home run after first pointing to where it would land, Babe Ruth style.
Angela was mad at me, seriously mad. She’d slipped out that morning before I was even awake, sliding quietly past me on the couch. I didn’t realize she was gone until I heard the faint click of the front door closing. I jumped up, tripped over a blanket, and by the time I got up and my robe on, the elevator down the hall dinged, and Angela was gone before I opened the apartment door.
I swore at myself some more and pounded the steering wheel, “I fucked up,” I said, several times as I hit the wheel over and over again, until I accidentally honked it, and then looked all sheepish when the guy in front of me gave me the finger. I reached my office without further incident, but instead of walking in the front door, I went further down the hall, and into the office of Mark Cecil-Rowe, Barrister, LL.D, the man with the finest speaking voice I ever heard. When I entered his office I forgot for a minute about Angela and her father and sleeping on the couch the night before. I forget about everything, except the reason that I had come to Cecil-Rowe’s office: to stump him with a legal problem that I had solved, but which I was pretty sure he could not. In other words, I had come to preen and to brag and to boast. No one likes a showoff, and I had come to show off. I put my hand on the door and turned the knob. After a brief pause, I flung open the door.
“I’m a goddamn genius,” I said as I strolled into the older man’s office.
I noticed the echo of a hastily closed desk drawer hanging in the air. In Aaron’s office, where I rented space, a sudden act of concealment implied cocaine, but with Cecil-Rowe, the item in question was probably a mickey of vodka. I had the sense that he’d been drinking a bit before I arrived, but his powers of observation were unimpaired, and when he looked into my face, his expression showed sympathy, and actual pain.
“What have you done now?” he said, as set the papers before him to one side, and readied himself to hear my latest tale of legal brilliance.
“I’m a genius,” I said.
“Oh dear. Have a seat.”
“No really, I am. I’m a genius. I got this case that everyone says you can’t win, but I’m gonna win it, and when I do, I’m gonna look like a genius.” Cecil-Rowe gave me a sad indulgent smile.
“Whenever you tell me you’re a genius, I am always concerned about what is to follow. When you get wrapped up in what you call your genius, you tend to ignore the more mundane things we lawyers have to do to win a case. You think you’re going to win by genius alone.”
“Let me tell you why I’m a goddamn genius.” With effort I wiped the smug, self-satisfied expression that was on my face.
“Tell me why you’re a genius,” Cecil-Rowe said, “while I pour us a coffee.” He heaved his bulky body up from his chair and shuffled over to a counter. He picked up a carafe of hot coffee sitting on a hot plate, and poured two cups. “Speak,” he said, handing me one. I took a sip of the coffee, and told Cecil-Rowe the tale of Cousin Ray: his purchase of a franchise from Sy-Co Corp, its swift demise, the crash and burn in Commercial Court, the Minutes of Settlement, the seventy-one kilometer limit, and lastly, Sy-Co’s motion scheduled for two p.m. that very day, seeking an interim injunction shutting down Ray’s place.
Cecil-Rowe absorbed all this without the need to take notes. Instead, he sat back while he eyed me, taking the occasional sip of coffee, and smiling at the extravagant flourishes and details that brought out Ray’s story to full effect.
“Obviously Ray is dead on arrival,” he said, “but I guess this is the part where you tell me how you’re going to win.”
So I told him how I was going to win, but it didn’t have the desired effect. “I told ya I’m a genius, Mr. C,” cueing him to applaud, to admit what a brilliant lawyer I was. But there was no applause from Mark Cecil-Rowe. He looked at me without so much as a smile.
“You can cling to that genius notion as a consolation prize, after you get whipped this afternoon in court.”
“No way,” I said, “not a chance. I got this thing won hands down. I’m gonna kick ass in court today and--”
“And how exactly do you plan to do that, if you don’t have evidence?”
“What?”
“Evidence, Calledinthe9os. It’s what lawyers like me use to beat geniuses like you.”
“But I’m gonna win without proof. I don’t need proof. The argument I’m gonna make, relies on simple facts that are totally obvious, so the judge is gonna--” Cecil-Rowe stuck up his hand.
“Stop right there. I know what’s coming. You’re going to ask the judge to take *judicial notice.”
And he was right. That was exactly what I was going to do.
There are some things so obvious that you didn’t have to prove them, things that everyone knew. You didn’t have to prove that water froze at zero degrees and boiled at a hundred, or that Bixity was between West Bay and East Bay.
“You got it,” I said, “judicial notice all the way.”
“You’re going to tell the judge that the centerpiece of your argument, the lynchpin of your case is a fact known to pretty well everyone, and so you don’t need proof.”
“Exactly,” I said. Cecil-Rowe took another sip of his coffee, and left me hanging in the silence for a while before he spoke.
“If that’s true, then why does coming up with that argument make you a genius?”
“Oh, I said,”I didn’t think of that.”
“It is acceptable to rely on judicial notice for minor, ancillary points. But you never should walk into court thinking that the court will take judicial notice of your entire defence. It’s just too risky.”
“But how am I going to rustle up a witness in time for this afternoon?”
“Worry about that after you leave my office. I can’t help you with that. What I want to know, is why you’re doing this at the last minute.”
“What makes you think I’m doing this at the last minute?”
“Because you never would have resorted to judicial notice if you were properly prepared. If you’d opened this case a bit earlier, you’ve have everything lined up. But you got to work on it late, and so you want to rely on judicial notice. You’ve messed up, Calledinthe90s, and you know what my rule is when you mess up.” Cecil-Rowe didn’t extend aid to me, until I admitted the error of my ways. It was infuriating, but he was inflexible. So I fessed up.
“My idiot cousin Ray’s been trying to retain me for almost two weeks, but I was putting him off because I was mad at him. So now my wife’s mad at me, and if I don’t win this case, I’m dead. Plus her dad’s mad at me too and --” My brain roared into overdrive, a mess of family and law and fear, and at the centre of it, thoughts of Angela’s anger and her father. My mind took off, and then came to an instant halt at a helpful destination.
“Yes?” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Sorry. I just realized how to solve the evidence problem. Look, can I ask you about the thing I actually came here to ask you about?”
“You have a problem that’s worse than having no evidence? What could be worse than -- oh. You don’t have a retainer. Your client doesn't have any money.”
“Exactly. How do I get paid? That’s the problem.” I explained that Ray had no money, as in none, and that if he did have money, he wouldn’t spend it on me. Instead, he’d go back downtown and throw his cash at some big firm, who would take on his case, and proceed to lose it in a calm, careful, sober manner, ending in a reporting letter to Ray telling him that he’d lost.
“Now that’s a problem I can solve,” Cecil-Rowe said.
“Really? ‘Cause I can’t see a way around it. I think I’m gonna have to do this for free, and that really pisses me off.” Cecil-Rowe shook his head.
“You may or may not get paid, but you can set things up so that if you win, you’ll win pretty good.”
“How? Ray’s a deadbeat. Tapped out.”
“But is he desperate?”
“Totally. The first time he failed, he lost his own money, but if he goes under this time, he’s taking family money with him, and he’ll be the black sheep forever.”
“And he’s using family to emotionally blackmail you into helping him?’
“Like no shit. That’s the part that pisses me off the most. I’m like a goddamn slave, being forced to work for free.”
“Never fear, young apprentice. I have just the thing in mind.” He reached into a drawer, and pulled out a form. “Fill in the blanks, and have him sign.”
I looked it over, and saw that the document was a retainer agreement. I whistled. “Holy shit. If he signs this, he’s almost my slave.”
“Close, but not quite” Cecil-Rowe said, “the Latin term for this is "contractus pro venditione animae"”. It’s the ultimate retainer agreement. Once Ray signs that, you own any cause of action he has against the person suing him. You can settle the case on any terms you like, and you get to keep whatever proceeds there are.” Cecil-Rowe placed the folder back in a drawer, and from his manner you could tell that the interview was over.
“Awesome, Mr. C. I’ll call you from Commercial Court when we’re done.”
“Commercial Court?” he said.
“Yeah, Commercial Court.”
“This just keeps getting worse. Take notes, Calledinthe90s, while I school you on Commercial Court. Commercial Court is a jungle, and without preparation, you’ll get savaged.”
“That’s what happened to Ray when--”
“Take notes, young apprentice,” he said, tossing me a pad and a pen. He started to lecture, and I took notes that I have with me to this day, in a safe deposit box downstairs in the vault at Mega Bank Main Branch.
* * *
By the time Cecil-Rowe finished schooling me, it was close to ten, and the case started at two. I didn’t have much time. I ran down the hall to my office, and called Ray’s restaurant. No answer. Then I called Ray’s house. I expected to get Ray’s wife, but the man himself answered.
“You’re not at work. Why aren’t you at work?”
“Sy-Co Corp served all my employees with a cease and desist letter. They all got scared and took off. The place is shut down.”
“You gotta fax machine at home?” He did, and asked why.
“I’m taking your case, but only if you sign the paper I’m about to send and fax it back.” I sent the fax, and five minutes later it came back signed, and it was official: Ray had sold me his legal soul.
I went out to the parking lot, got into my beater and drove fast. In less than thirty minutes I reached my destination. I knocked on the door, and when it opened, my diminutive mother-in-law poked out her head. “What a pleasant surprise,” she said.
“Sorry, Mrs. M, but I’m in a super hurry. I gotta rush to get to court to help Ray. But first, I gotta speak to Dr. M.”
“He’s not here,” she said.
“Not here?”
“He’s on his way to his bridge game. He left just a few minutes ago.”
“Where’s the club?”
“He’s walking there,” she said, and pointed down the street.
“Thanks.” I got into my car and headed where Mrs. M had pointed, passing big houses and new project with an “Opening Soon” sign. And walking past it was the figure of Dr. M.
“Hey, Dr. M,” I called out the window. He stopped and looked around, startled. But he didn’t see me, not at first.
“It’s me, Dr. M. Me, Calledin90s.” He leaned forward as if to see me better. I got out of the car.
“Is something wrong with Angela? Or the baby?”
“No, no not at all, sorry to scare you, it’s nothing like that. I need your help.”
“Oh.” He started walking again, and now it was my turn to be a bit stunned, watching my father-in-law walk away from me. I caught up with him in a few quick strides.
“Listen, I really need your help.”
“And I really need to get to a bridge game.”
“This isn’t about me. It’s about Ray.” That brought him to a halt. He turned to me, angrier even than he’d been the night before.
“Did you drive all the way out here just to make fun of me? To remind me of how you won, distracting me with nonsense about Ray’s case?”
“I mean it,” I said, “I can win Ray’s case. I can prove it in a few words.”
“Prove it, then.” So I did. I spoke words, only a few words, but they were the right words to speak to Dr. M, for the words I spoke were in his language, words that he understood perfectly.
“I understand,” he said, “you’ve come to boast some more, to prove that you were right after all.”
“I want to win Ray’s case, but I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying.”
“You don’t need to prove that two plus two is four.”
“This, I gotta prove, and I need you to help me prove it. I need you to come to court with me, as my witness.”
“I can’t do that. I didn’t witness anything.”
“As my witness. My expert witness.” Unlike a normal witness, an expert witness can give an opinion. An expert is there not to advocate, I explained to Dr. M but to instruct, to teach.
“My bridge partner won’t be very happy,” he said.
“But Ray will, and so will Mrs. M and Angela and--”
“Very well. Do you have a cell phone? We can call the bridge club from my car.”
* * *
We were on the highway getting close to the downtown exit, when my wife called my cell phone. Back then cell phone service was super expensive and my wife only used it for emergencies. Or when she was really angry. I picked up the phone, wondering which it would be.
“I’m so happy that you made things up with my father,” she said.
“How did you know?”
“My mother called. She says you took him with you, that you went out together.”
“He’s with me right now,” I said.
“Where are you going?”
“To court. Going to court to win Ray’s case for him.”
“And you brought my father with you to watch?” She was so happy, I could hear in her voice that she was smiling. “That’s a great way to bond with him, Calledinthe90s. Look, I’m sorry I got so mad at you earlier, I really am. My dad’s a bit too sensitive and--”
“Sorry, Angela, your dad’s not coming to watch me.”
“Why is he with you, then?”
“He’s my witness,” I said.
“What?”
“His expert witness,” Dr. M said, loudly enough for Angela to hear.
My wife’s anger exploded into the phone. She wanted to know how I could expose her elderly, vulnerable father to the stress of a court case. I tried to tell her how I needed him, how there was literally no one else I could turn to, that her father was an expert, a true expert, and the judge was legally bound to believe him, but Angela heard none of this.
“Look,’ I said, “I promise you that--” And then I lowered the phone and pushed the red button, terminating the call. I’d learned that the best way to hang up on someone, was to do it when I was doing the talking. That way it looked like the call had dropped.
“I’m going to steal that move,” Dr. M said.
We rolled into the parking lot. I grabbed the cloth bag out of the back of my car, the bag that held my law robes and shirt and tabs, plus the other stuff I needed for court. It was one-thirty, still thirty minutes to go, not a lot of time to get robed and ready for court. It was just past one-forty five when I, with Dr. M in tow, opened the door to a courtroom on the eighth floor of an old insurance building that had been converted into a courthouse, the home of Commercial Court.
“Commercial Court is an exclusive club,” Cecil-Rowe had explained to me earlier that day, “the legal playground of the rich and powerful. They’ll know instantly that you’re not one of them.” And he was right. It was clear from the moment I walked in that I did not belong, for I was the only lawyer in robes. Everyone else was wearing a suit, and not some cheap thing off the rack like I wore.
There were a half-dozen lawyers present, and after they saw me, they exchanged knowing looks about the stranger amongst them. I ignored them, and walked up to the Registrar. I told him the case I was on, and he signed me in.
“First time in Commercial Court?” he said, eyeing my robes. “You know you don’t have to be robed in Commercial Court.” In other Superior Courts, you always had to bring your robes and get all dressed up. But Commercial Court had its own set of rules, and in the court for rich people, their lawyers did not have to wear robes.
“You’re here on the Sy-Co case?” a young woman asked. She was a junior like me, give a year or two either way. She was dressed in the finest downtown counsel fashion, some designer thing that Angela would know if she saw it.
“Just got retained,” I said.
“You know there’s no adjournments, right? We don’t do adjournments in Commercial Court. I’m just trying to be helpful, because I don’t think you've been here before. You know you don’t have to be robed, right?
“So I heard.”
“So where’s your material? You haven’t served anything, so how do you plan to argue your case?”
“I gotta witness,” I said.
She smiled. “There’s no viva voce evidence, either. Affidavit only.”
“We’ll see what the judge says.” There was a knock from the other side of the door to the judge’s chambers, and then the man himself entered.
I was amazed to see that even the judge wasn’t wearing a robe; instead, he was wearing a light coloured suit and a bright blue bow tie. He was dressed as good as the lawyers, all part of the downtown Commercial Court club, the playground of the richest and most powerful corporations in the City.
“Commercial Court’s not like other courts,” Cecil-Rowe told me earlier that day, explaining that most cases were over in fifteen minutes or less. A plaintiff showed up with some papers, and had a short consultation with the judge. The judge signed an order granting an injunction, or taking away a man’s business, or freezing his money. Commercial Court is where you went to get quick and simple court orders that eviscerated your opponent before the case even got going.
Defendants would appear sometimes in Commercial Court, Cecil-Rowe explained, but it was usually their last time up. Defendants always died a quick death in Commercial Court.
The judge took his seat, and then looked over the lawyers before him. His eyes moved along, and then stopped when they reached me, the one lawyer who was not like the others.
“You don’t need robes in Commercial Court,” the judge said to me.
“I’ll remember that for next time,” I said.
“What case are you on?”
I told him.
“He’s filed no responding materials,” my opponent said, “nothing at all.”
“I’m just vetting the list,” the judge said, “I’ll circle back to you two in a few minutes.” I listend while the judge vetted the rest of the afternoon list: a Mareva, plus a Norwich order, with counsel on those cases sent away in a matter of minutes.
Now the courtroom was almost empty, just the judge, two lawyers, the registrar and my star witness and father-in-law, Dr. M, who sat in the back of the courtroom dressed in an old business suit, put on hastily at his place two hours earlier, when I urged him to hurry it up, to not waste so much time on picking a suit.
“Back to you,” the judge said, addressing my opponent, “I thought this was an uncontested matter. That’s what your confirmation sheet said.”
“I’m sorry, Your Honour, but I didn’t know until I got here that the case was defended.”
“I got retained at the last minute,” I said, “barely three hours ago, the day after I read the papers. But I’m ready to go, ready to argue the case on the merits, so long as you grant me an indulgence, and let me call my witness, to let him testify in person instead of by affidavit, there being no time for me to draft anything.”
Opposing counsel was on her feet. “That’s not how things are done in Commercial Court,” she said, “or any court that I know of, for that matter. My friend (that’s what they make lawyers call each other in court, ‘my friend,’ even though you might hate the other guy’s guts),” the lawyer said, “my friend should have served his responding materials and filed them with the court. Instead, he’s taken us totally by surprise.”
“I’m sorry my friend is surprised by opposition,” I said, “but then consider, it’s my client’s livelihood that’s at stake. If my friend gets her injunction, Ray Telewu’s business is dead, and he loses everything. So yes, my client opposes the injunction, and yes, I’d like to call evidence.”
The judge didn’t consult the papers before him nor the books, but instead, he looked up at the big white clock on the courtroom wall. Its hands said two-fifteen.
“How long will your witness take, counsel?”
“In chief, ten minutes.” I’d practiced with Dr. M on the way in, and I was pretty sure he could do it in five, but I gave him a bit of extra time, just in case.
“We’ve got about two hours,” the judge said, “but I want to be fair to you and your client. Let’s take a fifteen minute recess so you can get instructions. Either we go ahead today with viva voce evidence, or we adjourn, and that will give Calledinthe90s time to file responding materials.”
When everyone came back, the junior’s boss was there, Senior Counsel, a heavy weight, one of those big guys downtown. Plus they brought this guy from Sy-Co Corp, the head of some bullshit division, with some bullshit title, Head of whatever, so that’s the title I’ll give him here. He was The Head. He was the man, the big cheese, the signer of the affidavit on which Sy-Co relied that day.
“What’s he doing here?” I asked Senior Counsel.
He stared at me, all lean and steel grey, looking every inch the hard hitting lawyer that commanded the biggest fees. “If you’re calling a live witness, then so can we. The Head will give evidence today, in advance of your client, so that the judge hears it from him first.” His junior smirked at me, and the two of them sat down, delighted that they’d thought of a way to one up me.
Except that they’d done it by exposing their client to cross-examination. The judge came in, allowed the Head to testify, and when he was done, I stood up.
“Just a few questions,” I said. Senior Counsel was stunned for an instant, and then he stood.
“This serves no purpose, Your Honour. The witness has confirmed the simple facts of his affidavit, and there’s no disputing it. Ray Telewu opened a restaurant less than seventy-one kilometres from Bixity City Hall, and that’s in breach of the Minutes of Settlement he signed.”
I did not bother to respond. Instead, I just stood, and I started to ask questions.
“Have a look at that map in your affidavit,” I said, and he did. I picked up my copy, and tore the map out of it. I passed it up to him.
“What do you notice about this map?”
“That it’s accurate,” the Head said, repeating his evidence in chief, amplifying it, talking about how the map contained perfect measurement.
“You will notice that the map is flat,” I said, laying it on the witness box before him.
“Of course it’s flat. That’s what maps are. Maps are flat.”
“But the earth is round,” I said, “or more properly, a sphere.” Senior Counsel was on his feet in an instant.
“What difference does that make?” he said.
“What you’ll hear from my expert witness, is that a flat map cannot accurately show Earth’s curves. A flat map distorts distances, and in this case, reduces them.”
“But that can’t be by very much.”
“In this case, by just over twenty meters,” Dr. M said from the back of the court.
“That’s my expert witness, the esteemed Dr. M.” I didn’t actually say Dr. M. Instead, I said his real name. But I’m not going to use the real names of my family here, so I’ll just keep calling him Dr. M. “Dr. M was a professor of Physics at the University of Bixity for almost thirty years. He has published numerous papers on particle physics, and is the first Canadian winner of the Wolf Prize for physics.”

• * * *

It went downhill after that for Sy-Co Corp. My father-in-law testified, explaining in simple language, language that even a child could understand, that the Earth was a sphere, that the shortest distance between two points on Earth was a curve, not a straight line. He summarized his calculations in plain English, dumbing down the math, so that everyone present imagined, if only for the moment, that they shared his understanding of a difficult mathematical equation.
Senior Counsel tried to cross-examine Dr. M, but it did not go well, my father-in-law indulging him, gently chiding him, continuing his explanations until the lawyer sat down, defeated by Dr. M’s mastery of the subject,his own lack of preparation and his inability to improvise. When counsel said that he had no further questions, the judge addressed us all.
“I’m not going to reserve, and I don’t think I need to tell everyone why. I think it will take about a minute for me to write a decision saying that the Earth is not flat. I’ll give you some more time after that, but after fifteen minutes, I”ll be back to render my decision.” He rose, everyone bowed, and he disappeared behind the door to judge’s chambers.
I pulled a piece of paper out of my file, and slammed it on the desk before Senior Counsel and his junior. “Fill in the blanks, and sign,” I said.
Dr. M’s head shot up at the commotion, and he shuffled over to see what was going on.
“What’s this?” Senior Counsel said, picking up the paper I gave him..
“Minutes of Settlement. You fill in a number, a big number, for the costs you gotta pay me. Your client signs, and then we’re done.” Senior Counsel opened his mouth to bargain, but I overrode him.
“You know your client’s going to lose; the judge made that obvious. Hurry up if you want to settle; we don’t have much time.”
At the end of most Canadian court cases, the loser has to pay at least part of the winner’s legal fees. That’s the way it’s been since forever, and I think it’s a good rule. Sy-Co Corp had lost, so it had to pay a good chunk of Ray’s costs, and Ray’s costs were somewhere between whatever bullshit figure I claimed they were, and where they actually ought to be. Senior Counsel took the paper over to his client. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back, with the form signed, and a number written in the blank space.
I’ll give it to Sy-Co Corp and their lawyer. It wasn’t a bullshit number, a low ball number. They gave me a real number, a number more like something I’d actually accept, a number that made sense to pay me in costs, in light of the success I’d had, and how I got it. It was a respectful number, a common sense number, and I appreciated it an awful lot.
I tossed the paper back at them.
“Add a zero,” I said, continuing on when Senior Counsel blanched, and his junior retreated a step. “I know what’s going on here. Your client sold mine a bullshit franchise, one with a history of failing.” The franchise had opened up again under a new owner not long after Ray had lost it and then it promptly failed again. Like I said at the start of this story, it’s an old story. It’s how some franchise companies make money. “Your client makes more money selling bullshit franchises doomed to fail, then it does from the honest ones that make money. So add a zero to that number, or Ray’s gonna sue you, class action and all that, for all the people you’ve fucked.”
The Head stepped forward from the benches and spoke to me.
“We get threats like that all the time, but no one follows through. They don’t have the money to fight us, and neither does your client. So go ahead and sue.”
“It’s true that Ray doesn’t have jack shit,” I said, “not a pot to piss in, but he’s my cousin, Ray is, and even if he doesn’t have money, he’s got me. Ray’s family, and for Ray, I’ll sue you guys for free. Hell, I’ll even pay the expenses. Plus I’m gonna put a jury notice in, too, come to think of it, ‘cause juries--”
Senior Counsel cut me off, and moved his client to the back of the courtroom. There was a brief discussion, and then they came back. I watched as Senior Counsel wrote a single digit on the Minutes, a zero, written right where I wanted it.
“You’ll have to initial the change,” I said to the Head of Sy-C0, and it gave me great satisfaction to watch him sign.
“Don’t forget,” I said the moment his pen stopped moving, “for the settlement to be valid, I need to get the money today. Right now.”
“Can’t it wait until tomorrow?” the Head said.
“Not if you want the settlement to stay in place. I’ll follow you back to your office, and you can put a cheque in my hands.”

• * * *

“What’s this?” my wife said when I entered the apartment later that day, after I’d driven Dr. M home, stopping first at a local pub for beers.
“It’s an absurdly expensive bunch of flowers,” I said, “although no flowers, however beautiful, however expensive, could expiate my--”
She took the flowers, and gave a kiss.
“My mom called. She told me what happened. You fixed things with my dad.”
“Yup,” I said. I had certainly done that. I’d made Dr. M a professor again, if only for a few minutes. Not only a professor, but an expert witness. The judge had declared him an expert in plain terms and Dr.M had beamed when he’d heard those words.
“And you won Ray’s case, too. But my mom didn’t know how, and I don’t know how you did it either.”
“I’ll tell you over dinner tonight,” I said.
“But we agreed no more dinners out; we have to save money, now that a baby’s coming.”
I passed her the envelope that I’d received a few hours before. She opened it, and took out a cheque, a cheque drawn up for an amount I specified, made payable to Mr. and Mrs. Calledinthe90s.
The moment I got that cheque, all I could think about was how my wife would react when I put it into her hands. I could not wait to see her eyes bulge, to hear her voice say “oh my god,” to hear her laugh.
She did none of these things. Instead, she cried.
“Does this mean we can buy a house?” The money wouldn’t be enough to buy a house, not nowadays, with prices being so crazy. But things were different back then in the 90s. Sure, the internet was barely a thing and cell phones were super expensive and a lot of things sucked, but I’ll give the nineties one thing: houses were cheap.
“I think so,” I said.

[Minor enemy spoilers for Zero Hour - Destiny 2 ahead]
So I was working on playing through Zero Hour now that it's launched, and every time i've gotten to the tower plaza and engage the Brig, I wind up having a full blown graphics driver crash as a result. It's not an immediate crash either, it takes about 2-5 minutes to kick into a full blown crash.
Rig details (Pretty sure this a graphical setting or quirk in the mission, but covering bases)
Windows 10 Pro - Ver 22H2, build 19045.4291
Ryzen 9 7900X
64gb DDR5-6000 mhz ram (clocked as such)
Power color Radeon RX-7900XTX Red Devil Edition - Display Driver - 24.4.1
The game is running on a secondary Samsung 970 pro nvme and not a harddrive (over 25% of its drive space is free).
Game is running at Ultra/Max settings at 4k and has been for about 300 hours over the last few weeks.
I'm mainly curious if anyone else has been experiencing this problem at that point in the mission or if it's just me. I've been able to replicate it at that specific area twice. What's also curious is that even when not in a voice channel, Discord also shuts off during the display driver crash. I am unsure if this is related or not, but it does leave destiny stuck in a hung state that requires me to kill it from the Task manager.

Disney Night or Disney+ Night isn't going anywhere so I made a list of movies I'd like to see featured.
This is really in no particular order but I found a complete list of Disney Movies so it's probably in release date order. Also some of these have been used but only used a couple times. Some of these I don’t know what song they’d use but they can come up with something but this is just Disney movie this doesn't even include other Disney properties like Marvel or Star Wars
1. Snow White- Personally never really liked this movie, Snow White’s voice annoys me but it’s the first Disney animated movie and you can’t get more classic then that. Plus with the live action one coming out I can see it happening. I can see them using Heigh-Ho, Whistle While You Work, Someday my Prince Will Come but I don’t know what style would go with that
2. Pinocchio we almost got it! We almost had it in season 31 with Cheryl Ladd and Louis! They would have had When You Wish Upon a Star. Louis is great at Waltzes and it would have been awesome! I still want it even though again Pinocchio is a movie I never really liked.
3. Fantasia- This has only been used once to my knowledge but it has so many songs that it could get its own post. I love this movie but haven’t seen it in a while since I’ve seen it but I could see them using The Sorcerer's Apprentice in again. There’s also a lot of non-Disney music in this movie like A Night On Bald, Mountain, Waltz of The Flowers (Nutcracker Suite Op 71A) they are so many more they could use.
4. Lady and the Tramp- Bella Notte is the only on I could come up with for this one
5. Sleeping Beauty- Aurora and Prince Phillip literally do a waltz while they sing Once Upon a Dream.
6. One Hundred and One Dalmatians- Cruella De Vil is another classic Disney villain song that wasn’t even sung by the villain
7. The Jungle Book- this is a movie they may have used but haven’t used it in a while. Songs like The Bare Necessities and I Wanna be Like You are awesome and deserve a spotlight
8. The Aristocats- Thomas O’Malley Cat or Everybody Wants to Be a Cat. Only reason I can think they wouldn’t want to use Everybody Wants to Be a Cat is that pretty racist moment in it. Then I just threw in Thomas O’Malley Cat cause after I read it on the soundtrack list it got stuck in my head.
9. Robin Hood- Oo-De-Lally. This was the only one I could think of when I saw the soundtrack list that might work but this is another movie that I don’t know which songs and how it would work

1. The Rescuers- Tomorrow is Another Day and Someone’s Waiting for You. These was the only song that stuck out.
   
2. Oliver & Company- How have they not used Why Should I Worry? One it’s Billy Joel who’s amazing and it’d be an easy song to make into a jive or jazz routine. Another good one could be Perfect Isn’t Easy.
   
3. Pocahontas- Just Around the River Band, Colors of the Wind, Savages all great and Savages could potentially be a good Paso
   
4. The Hunchback of Notre Dame- I kind of just want to see The Bells of Notre Dame in some way, Out There and Hellfire could be other good choices
   
5. Hercules- another movie with a lot of good songs like The Gospel Truth, Go the Distance, Zero to Hero, I Won’t Say I’m in Love, A Star is Born all great and the only one I remember being use was Zero to Hero.
   
6. Mulan- Reflection, I’ll Make a Man Out of You. I only remember I’ll Make a Man Out of You being used is with Normani
   
7. Tarzan- I LOVE Phil Collins and want more of his music and more of Genesis’s music overall. Two Worlds, You’ll Be in My Heart, Son of Man, Trashin’ the Camp and Strangers Like Me are all amazing. You’ll Be in My Heart won an Oscar and Phil Collins’s wrote it for Lily Collins
   
8. Lilo and Stitch- He Mele No this is the song played right at the beginning and I know nothing about Hawaiian culture so if anyone else knows anything about it feel free to comment. And then Hawaiian Roller coaster Ride
   
9. Treasure Planet- I’m Still Here John Rzeznik (Goo Goo Dolls lead singer) would be another good one.
   
10. Brother Bear- again I want more Phil Collins!! Look Through My Eyes, Welcome, On My Way
    
11. Chicken Little- One Little Slip good song love The Barenaked Ladies, All I Know Five for Fighting is underrated in my opinion I love him (he’s actually a solo he just uses Five for Fighting because his name is hard to pronounce) he has other good songs like Superman, 100 Years.
    
12. Meet the Robinsons- Little Wonders could be a good one
    
13. The Princess and the Frog- I’m confused as to why this one hasn’t been used more. Almost there, Friends on the Other Side, When We’re Human, they could even use the song Ne-Yo has in it Never Knew I Needed
    
14. Tangled- Same thing as Princess and the Frog WHY hasn’t this been used more? When Will My Life Begin? Mother Knows Best, I’ve Got a Dream, I See the Light.
    
15. Big Hero 6. Fall Out Boy is amazing and I want a Paso Doble to Immortal
    
16. Zootopia Try Everything.
    

I have no idea what style of song they could use I just want some variety. I would also like to see The Nightmare Before Christmas but whether that’s Disney or not is up for debate since Disney released it through Touchstone Pictures
Source: https://movienightjournal.com/disney-movies-in-order-pdf/

So, having found my way back to the wars after a long hiatus that has seen the fragmentation of my lance, the death of our war master and the birth of my children who wish to fight the clan scum along side Dad I have found myself in a somewhat unique'ish situation.
In the intervening decades I went and got myself trained as a 2d/3d draftsman and somehow acquired the skills and tools necessary to create sprawling environments.
The rub comes that we, my lance and I, were never into tabletop or miniatures, it was all hex graphing notebooks, tokens and "your imagination". And so, I am somewhat lacking in how do hexmaps "do".
So with a hex being 30m flat to flat, that yeilds ~780m² (technically 779.4229 but I'm willing to chalk it up to metrology error) per hex; the physics of a battlemech sharing a hex with infantry and mechanized infantry, armor and artillery etc makes sense: they are where the legs aren't but how many fit in a hex? Not like a breaching stack but how do we handle two friendly mechs transiting a hex, say the mouth of a canyon.
Next up, unlike our bubble verse timeline where we developed rectilinear architectural and grid based Cartesian mapping systems, I have to only assume that in the BT bubble, they developed a hexalinear system because why else would there be hexagonal natural features (unless of course the whole hexagonal water thing IS true?!?) and hexagonal building systems etc. I cannot see a system where 30m wide roads are the norm so do you all just develop a "square" urban/suburban/industrial space and lay a hex grid over it?
To tie this all together I have the capacity to do civil drafting in Autocad in 2d from a plan view, add elevation isolines and do some elevation extrusion to create actual terrain and/or create a simplified land form with a corresponding elevation profile, say a long run of valley flanked by hills and plains. Additionally, an urban system is simple enough to do on a NY grid, DC radian grid or even an old world grape bunch plan. Biome can likewise be shown via hatch patterns & colors and the whole thing could be displayed simply with iso lines for elevations on an E sheet.
Many jumps in the past I found that a number of coworkers were involved with the SCA and we did some work together which culminated in the preparation of a D&D hex map in plywood scaled to their miniatures and using model railroad trees etc. it was a mountain with valleys and some plains with forests all fitted to a folding ping-pong table. I'd love to do something like that again but I don't have free access to a cnc router and a growing pile of off fall anymore, I can schedule and pay for it but baby steps, gotta see how deep the lads wish to go first.

This story has been published in Bloody Twine #1. This first book of mine was my "starter book," so it's very short. My other books are, at the very least, twice as long. In fact, "What's Under There?" is the shortest story I've written in the series, weighing in at just 1604 words. The average read time for it is only 6 minutes and 45 seconds. Enjoy!
WHAT'S UNDER THERE?
What IS under there?
Oliver walked into the kitchen and pulled on the hem of his mother’s dress. The woman looked down at him and smiled, but he knew she was not happy he was in here.
“Yes, my little one?” she asked.
“Can I have a cookie?” asked Oliver.
“May I have a cookie,” corrected his mother.
“May I have a cookie?” asked Oliver.
“You may, my little Ollie, but only one,” said his mother as she held up her right index finger in front of his little face. “Dinner will be ready soon.”
She ushered him over to the little square kitchen table and sat him in his booster chair. He was not a baby anymore, but he needed a little extra boost to properly reach his food.
The woman handed him his oatmeal cookie, and he held the big, round, edible disk in both hands. He took a bite of that delicious cookie, but there was a lot on his young mind, and he knew she could tell.
The older woman cocked her head to one side and looked down at him in strange concern. She smiled as she did so, an affect that Oliver was still not used to. His mother had never smiled so much until just recently.
“What is it, my little one?” she asked.
“When is Daddy coming home?” asked Oliver.
“Now, now,” said his mother with a wagging finger. “Your father has gone away. He’s not coming home.”
“He isn’t?” asked Oliver.
“No, no,” smiled his mother. “We talked about this, my little Ollie. Your father’s gone away, and he’s not coming back.”
He wanted to cry over this again, but he knew she would scold him if he did. She had told him the same thing yesterday, and he had cried then, and she had scolded him to the point where he had been terrified. It was something in her eyes that scared him so, and now he was too afraid to earn her ire again. Even so, his eyes watered at the thought of it, the thought of his father never returning home.
“Now, don’t you cry,” said his mother with a shake of her head. “Big boys don’t cry…I know something that will help, though. I know exactly what you need. You need a glass of milk for your cookie.”
He nodded his head in acceptance. He did not know why his father was not coming home, but he did not want to get in trouble anymore. Nevertheless, he saw something that bothered him, and it bothered him a lot. He couldn’t help but ask about it.
“Mommy, why is your face peeling?” asked Oliver.
His mother’s face was indeed peeling, peeling upon her left cheek, just a little, but enough to bother him, the pale skin off a tiny sliver, a fleck of jet black, like coal, beneath it.
“Don’t you worry about that, my little Ollie,” smiled his mother. “That’s not important.”
“Are you sick?” asked Oliver.
He had been wondering if she were ill, as she was not her usual self, and this bothered him…It bothered him a lot.
“Just eat your cookie, dearie,” smiled his mother.
Oliver took a bite of his cookie, but it tasted funny. He had not noticed it with the first bite, but now he did. He hesitated to have any more, but his mother would not have it.
“Eat all of it,” smiled his mother.
He took to eating the cookie again regardless of the taste. He did not want to get in trouble again.
“That’s a good boy,” smiled his mother.
She went to the fridge and pulled out the milk carton from it. She took down a glass from the left cabinet above the sink and poured him a tall glass of milk.
“Here you are now,” she said as she handed him the glass.
He eagerly took the glass with both hands, as he was sorely in need of a drink, but the milk tasted funny as well, just like the cookie.
“This doesn’t taste right,” said Oliver. “The cookie doesn’t taste right, either.”
“You asked for a cookie, and you got one,” said his mother. “I even poured you a glass of milk, Ollie. Now, don’t be ungrateful.”
His mother reached up and scratched at the left side of her face, and more of her skin peeled away, just a bit, but more than enough to make Oliver nervous.
“Mommy, why is your face peeling?” he asked again. “I don’t like it…”
There were small scratches on her face where her nails had raked across her pale skin, and these scratches left strange lines of ebony, like black trails in peach-brushed snow.
“I told you not to ask that, Oliver,” warned his mother.
She reached up and scratched at the skin of her left cheek again, and even more of her skin peeled away to reveal a small patch of pitch black beneath it.
Now Oliver really needed to know. He needed to know what was wrong with his mother, because something was wrong, very wrong, and he did not know what else to do but ask.
“Mommy, something’s wrong with your face,” he said nervously. “There’s something under your skin. What’s under there?”
His mother’s eyes widened as she turned up her lips in a weird, disturbing smile.
“Do you want to know?” she asked. “Do you really want to know?”
In truth, Oliver did not want to know, because something was very, very wrong, and he was suddenly afraid to know. There was something wrong about everything right now, from his father not returning home yesterday to his mother acting all strange. Everything right now was wrong, so whether he liked it or not, he needed to know, so he nodded his little head in silent reply.
“Okay, my little Ollie,” replied his mother. “I’ll sing you a song about it…but you won’t like it. You won’t like it at all.”
Ollie swallowed a chunk of cookie out of fearful reflex.
His mother stared at him with wide eyes as she sang with a smile.
“What’s under there? What’s under there?” she sang. “Under Mommy’s face, so fine and fair? What’s under there? What’s under there? Under pale, pale skin and long black hair?”
She reached up and peeled off more of her cheek skin, revealing a large swatch of black beneath it, about the size of a thumb, and Oliver’s little hands shook as he squeezed the half-eaten cookie in his clutching fingers.
“Daddy, Daddy, found a book,” sang his mother. “He dug it out of a hidden nook. It told a lot of horrid things, written for the ancient kings. He said the words, he read them loud, and then sprang out a turbid cloud. Black and slick and old as ages, it billowed from the musty pages.”
His mother continued to smile as she peeled off a large flap of pale skin from her left cheek. Beneath it were her teeth, the ivory pegs flawless in the light, but as she peeled backwards toward the end of her jaw, more teeth were revealed, all the same, but many more than there should have been, all the way back to the end of her jaw, all set in a line of ebony flesh beneath an outer layer of peeling, pale skin.
“What’s under there? What’s under there?” sang Oliver’s mother. “Under Mommy’s face, so fine and fair? What’s under there? What’s under there? Under pale, pale skin and long black hair?”
The cookie crumbled under Oliver’s grip, the flecks falling like dust to the kitchen table. He shook in his chair, his mouth partially open, his eyes wide, his skin blanching as he continued to watch and listen to his mother.
“Ancient, ancient, billowed, and swirled, it sprang from the pages and into the world,” sang his mother. “Existing long before Noah’s Sea, antediluvian, finally free!”
It was something in her eyes that caused Oliver to shake, the madness and fury in his mother’s eyes that held him in place in his booster chair.
“Daddy ran with all his heart, but he was quickly torn apart,” sang his mother. “Mommy screamed and tried to shout, but she was eaten from the inside out!”
His mother tore off the pale skin from the entire left side of her face, the flap of it falling onto the floor in a wet plop of a white sheet, like rain-soaked paper.
The obsidian flesh beneath the peeling skin was slick and looked to be made of tiny overlapping scales. Her left eye was a golden color with a single, black, vertical slit where a normally-round pupil should have been, and a fire was burning within that black slit, but frosty-blue, like a flame made of ice.
Even her smile was uncanny, as the right side of her face held normal teeth and lips, while the left side of her face held a lipless mouth with teeth that spanned all the way back to her neckline.
“Now it’s time for a little snack, made with fear in a fleshy sack,” sang his mother. “Alive, alive, where you cannot move! That makes for a more delicious food!”
She finished her song with unusual gusto, the very sound of it echoing around the kitchen to assault Oliver’s little ears without mercy.
Oliver’s terror-induced paralysis finally broke as he willed his muscles to move. He hopped down from his booster seat and ran for the kitchen door, but the drug in his cookie and milk slowed him down far too much for him to actually make it there.

Hello again!
Over the last 3 hours, I've decided to start creating an excel file to list all the ‘tracks’ that might have a connection to the SMMC (based on the title, for example). This will allow you to consult this list from time to time to see if a piece of music you've just found has already been ‘debunked’ or not.
For the moment, the file is read-only, I still need to make a few changes to easily add a ‘free’ section where you can add tracks that will then be manually added to the list.
As for the search, I've decided to go straight for all tracks on Discogs with ‘genre: electronic’ between the 90s and 99s, and which contain ‘Drive me Crazy’ or something quite ‘similar’. There are still 2-3 tracks without ‘audio source’ but most of them are unlikely because of their general characteristics which don't seem to match SMMC at all.
Here's the link: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vRVOkpaWKu_gBkqSEiTkPHHsH-if9YFatGCTr4TjKZWcTSfIobxTKEmMaeI-KENXGn8yBTTr7YmUL6v/pubhtml#
I might also add a section in the google sheets, allowing you to update contacts, etc ...
When it's updated for integration, I'll say so in a comment, and edit the post.

Got some stuff going up for sale tonight
I try my best to take accurate pics. If you have any questions or would like more pics or videos, PLEASE ask.
Offers are welcome, especially if looking at multiple items. Buyers at full price will take precedence over any non-finalized deals.
PROOF
Gold
1999 NGC MS70 1/10 AGE $300
1881 $5 Liberty $600
1945 Dos Pesos $135 pending
1985 1/20 Panda $125 sold
1g PAMP Fortuna(in assay) $85
Silver
5oz Aztec Bar $145 sold
5oz Aztec round $145 sold
Aztec Fractional lot(1.75oz) $53) sold
Buy all Aztec’s as a lot(11.75oz) for $335 sold
1oz Silver bullet .45 cal $35 pending
US 90% lot $130(BIN in comments for a free SLQ)
3x Cull ASE’s $30ea or buy all 3 for $85(under spot) sold
1x100g Valcambi CombiBar $140 pending
3oz Valcambi Skyline Series CombiBar $130
3x 2oz Scottsdale Stacker $62.50 ea or buy all 3 for $180
1oz Valcambi Skyline series bar(in assay) $35
2x 1oz Nadir bar(in assay) $35 ea or buy both for $65
Box(30x 5g) Geiger Bars $240 (buy this and I’ll throw in a free loose 5g Geiger bar) pending
2024 Australia 1/2oz colorized Year of the Dragon $20
2023 Tuvalu 1/2oz colorized proof Year of the Rabbit(7,150 minltage) $60
2022 Paint it Green ASE $80(check comps)
Shipping will be: $5 up to 10oz, padded envelope $10 for 10+oz, small flat rate box
Payment methods: Zelle(preferred), Venmo(no notes, just emoji), Paypay(F&F), cash app, crypto(+3%), cashier’s check or money order, mailed cash(if you really like to live life on the edge)
Thanks for checking out my sale!

Went on a tour of Plitvice National Park in Croatia today. The only other US Citizen on our bus was a boomer man in his 70s or so traveling alone.
Some of this was relayed to me by my husband as at some points of the bus journey I could not take it and put my headphones in to drown him out.
He strikes up a conversation with a young female engineer traveling by herself. She is in her 20s from the UK and visibly a person of color, which unfortunately is relevant to the story.
He inquires where she's from. She answers that she's from London. You can guess what he asks next:
"But where are you really from?"
It didn't get any better from there.
He peppered her with questions, which turned out to be more like an opportunity for him to humble brag. Oh, she's staying in a hostel? Well, personally he could never stomach that, but he's 'not a snob or anything'. His room in Split overlooks the central square.
The young woman actually got separated from our group. I could not tell if this was intentional to get away from boomer McGee but she didn't seem that shaken as I might have been in the same situation, considering that we were a 3 hour drive up the mountain from where our accommodations were.
He sits with her at lunch along with two French girls. He has talked endlessly about his time spent living in Paris, so he's proud to show off his French skills.
She's sitting next to the window on the ride back. Of course he sits next to her, uninvited. Asking about how she felt about being lost, he talks about his own bad travel experiences, like how he lost his phone getting mugged in Paris once. Of course it was necessary for him to mention the muggers race in this anecdote and also speculate that they "must have been from Mali", as if he could possibly know this. He adds, “not that it matters, of course”, even though he must have thought it mattered enough to include it in his anecdote.
He mentions that he is by himself because his wife is "crazy about the grandkids" and sent him off by himself. My interpretation was that his family couldn't stand him and sent him on a tour of the Dalmatian coast to have some peace.
The young engineer then tactfully says that she's had a long day and was hoping to use one of the many empty rows to stretch out, and that she might move a few rows up to do so. She is sitting in the window, he is sitting in the aisle.
"Oh.... so you need me to move, then?" the boomer asks.
Yes, dipshit, she needs you to move.
The woman moves a few rows up but at no point does she sleep. I see her taking videos out the window on her phone of a fortress as we return to Split.
I thought it was notable that despite being the only other Americans on the tour, the boomer has not said one word to me or my husband, an interracial same sex couple. Not that I would have wanted him to.
We arrive back in the city and the poor engineer, unfortunately, is not free of him. The boomer comes waddling up to her. He's invited the French girls (also in their 20's) for some rose and would she like to join?
I think I hear the woman audibly sigh before she collects herself and answers that she has an early day the next morning and needs some rest. Boomer seems disappointed but thankfully does not push the issue.
I think the most unfair part of the whole thing for me was that none of what Boomer McGee was doing rose to the level of harassment. There wasn't any one thing he said where I felt like I could have stepped in and told him to leave her alone, even though it was clear to me that his attention was unwanted. It was all just idle chitchat on his part, but the pervasiveness and persistence of it was the only thing he was doing wrong. I know that women have to deal with this level of not-quite-harassment all the time, and for that I'm truly sorry.
If she reads this somehow, to the young engineer that had to put up with this all day other than that brief respite when you were lost in the park, I'm so sorry you had to deal with this loser all day. Also to the French girls, I hope you got a free bottle of rose and promptly ditched the boomer.

Timestamp
$5 shipping for switches, $10 for keyboard and keycaps
Keyboard:
I'm selling a previosly build NK87 Aluminum Edition, barely used great overall condition, looking for $100.
The keyboard comes with lubed durock V2 stabs, box white switches, Alu + CF + Brass Plate, and a self-made poron sheet (Keycaps are not included, +$50 if you want the one in picture).
Keycaps:
GMK Bento R2, no shine have a scratch on 6.25u space bar, 7u is perfect, $80
MW Lilith R1, mounted once or twice, under 5 mins typing, $60
Drop the Load of the Ring, mounted once, under 1 min typing, $60
Drop Susuwatari. mounted once, under 5 mins typing, $50
Switches:
90 x Gazzew Boba Linear Thock (LT) Switches - Lubed, $70
90 x Star White, L+F, $55
90 x NK Silk Olivia , $30
Thanks for reading! Feel free to DM

Hello! Im just getting back into dnd and would really like to get into a long term campaign and I would also like to join a group of cool people. I've been watching dnd streams on YouTube and I missed the time I had on this game message me OR comment on this post if your willing to invite me in a game
About me: I love to voice act characters for fun and to role play as them, I love making backstory’s for characters and just overall i want to be invested and be hype of the world that the DM made, I also like a bit of combat in my games, Always love some fantasy settings, would always cooperate with the DM, I really don’t know how to make a character sheet so i might need help on that and other than that thats all.
timezone -UTC+8 Age - 17 Discord - Niqiuse#8652 Free on weekends and any time on the weekends(mostly on Saturdays)

I thought that it would be fun to imagine a fnaf character as a smash fighter. and while freddy made sense i felt william afton was more appropriate. so with out further ado here is his moveset
Purple Guy MOVESET
Lightweight with 2 jumps (the jumps would just have afton raise elevation, no animation)
Gimmick
More so a visual thing but afton would be a 2d sprite like mr game and watch. Except for all of his moves where he is springtrap or a springtrap variant which would use a 3d model. The exception is spring bonnie which would stay 2d Also when he crouches he will turn into a 2d spring bonnie collapsed on the floor
Basic Attacks
Jab: Disassemble (Afton swing one arm forward before swinging the other)
Basic 2 hit Jab
(Aftons famous sprite)
Dash: Foxy Go Go (Afton dawns a foxy mask and jumps forward)
Pretty strong Damage
(Michael Scaring his brother and Withered Foxy Jump Scare)
Side Tilt: Run (Both his arms are put forward as he runs forward)
Does Good knockback but mid damage
(When he ran into the suit)
Up tilt: Fear (Afton punches his arm above him)
Does Great Knockback but no damage
(Running away from the spirits)
Down Tilt: Spirit (a spirit appears in front of afton)
Does minor damage but can cause a stun
(Spirts causing aftons springtrap)
Side Smash: Jumpscare (Afton turns into springtrap and walks forward)
Does A lot of damage and has a chance to stun
(Springtrap jumpscare fnaf 3)
Up Smash: Dark Trap (Afton Turns into spring trap as he leans back before leaning forward back to standing position)
Does Great Damage but really slow
(Dark Springtrap aka sister location springtrap cutscene)
Down Smash: Springtrapped (Afton freaks out in the suit (still 2d) )
Does Great Damage to both afton and the opponent. But also can bury
(Aftons death)
Aerials
Neutral Air: Activation (Spring bonnie extends all of their limbs)
Does Great Damage to afton and his foe. And also great knockback to the foe
(First thing to happen when Aftons springlocked)
F Air: World Slash(Afton smashes the below area)
Does Great damage and can spike.
(Fnaf world attack)
B Air: First Spring (As spring bonnie punches down behind him)
Does Great damage and can spike
(First spring bonnie appearance)
Up Air: Dark Return (Afton Turns into spring trap as he leans back before leaning forward back to standing position)
Does Great Damage but really slow
(Dark Springtrap aka sister location springtrap cutscene)
Down Air: Panic (Afton shakes the feet below him)
Hits great damage and can spike. Also has a chance to use the springtrap model which would just be visual
(When burntrap got kidnapped. And the panic animation shared between afton and CC)
Grabs
Grab: Shadow freddy appears the foe as both Hold the opponent up
(Loosely based on the events before the bite of 83 and the events in the follow me games)
Pummel: Same thing as his jab
F Throw: Shadow freddy walks forward where the opponent follows them before shadow freddy disappears and william runs up and punches the foe twice
(the events in the follow me games)
B Throw: Shadow freddy walks behind afton where the opponent follows them before shadow freddy disappears and william runs up and punches the foe twice
(the events in the follow me games)
Up Throw: Uppercut
(smash original)
Down Throw: Puts opponent in suit (doesn’t do any damage but when the throw is finished it causes the foe to still be wearing the suit for 15 seconds which while making them heavier also makes them incredibly slow and jumps go half as far)
Specials
Neutral Special: Ventilation
Springtrap enters a vent in the ground. Acts Like meta knights peek a boo with some minor differences. First after a random amount of time the opponent will become poisoned and lightweight. After all theres a thing in vents its harder to get clean air. After another amount of random time a random phantom animatronic will appear and stalk the opponent. If it hits the opponent they will become dizzy. Sounds broken right. Well while in the vents will also takes damage. And after a random amount of time will be bouted out at a random part of the stage with the dizzy effect. Could happen before or after a phantom spawns but will always happen after the light wight poison. So it’s a very risk and reward move how much damage do you wanna take, the opponent is light do i strike now or risk getting booted for the phantom. Also can only move horizontally and puts you in free fall if existed in the air
Side Special: Plushtrap
Plushtrap appears in front of Afton and chases the nearest foe. Only one plushtrap can be on screen per afton player at a time. When it manages to hit a foe it act like a stronger pikmin that will take 5 seconds to disappear where it takes no time to spawn another one. If After 30 seconds the plushtrap never hits someone it will naturally disappear where it takes 15 seconds to spawn another one. And it will freeze for 2 seconds if hit by a projectile. Finally it can’t fall off cliffs nor can it jump so it will never be in the air. unless spawned in the where it acts like a Pikmin spawned in the air. Also wouldn’t change anything mechanically but it has a 1/10 chance to summon a bunny from princess quest. Specifically the flying ones that appear in the beginning. And a 1/50 chance to summon vanny. Again changes nothing except visual
Up Special: Malware
Afton turns into springtrap as a tentacle comes out of his body. You can point to which direction you want the tentacle to appear. It acts as a basic tether recovery with one caveat. If it hits a foe they will have a 25% chance to become infected. When infected your directions reverse and out of every 16 attacks 1 of them will not go through and leave you vulnerable. You will be infected for sixteen second before you are cured. Now to balance it out if the attack is used and doesn’t connect to a stage or player there will be heavy end lag and will put you in free fall if used in the air. So always be careful when using this move
Down Special: Bite of 83
As Springtrap Will Bites Down. acts exactly like wario's neutral special.
Final Smash: Missing Character incident
A cinematic final smash. The smash starts with afton throwing a rainbow knife as a refrence to the move slasher in Fnaf World. Any one hit by the rainbow knife has a 1/10 chance to instantly lose stock. But if that one in ten chance fails they enter the cinematic. It shows the character at a birthday party before they’re lured away by a 3d model for spring bonnie.it then cuts to black before showing the character trapped in a golden freddy suit. Racking up tons of damage but no knockback. However if the opponents damage goes over 100% it is an instant stock loss
Cosmetics + Gimmicks
Every costume has both a different color for will and a different springtrap variant. And you can pick which springtrap variant you want with whatever afton you want. So you could have alt 3 afton with an alt 7 springtrap.
Costumes
Pure Purple - Springtrap
Pure Orange (Midnight Motorist) - Scraptrap
Pure Pink (Pink guy theory (no i don’t believe it just felt like it should be referenced) ) - Vanny
Pure Blue (Phone Guy) - Glitchtrap
Pure Red (Old man consequences) - Frost Springtrap (yes i know only plushtrap has a skin in special delivery but creative liberties)
Pure Yellow (Prize King And Sun) - Toxic Springtrap
Pure Bluish Grey (Moon) - Burntrap
Black body with white stripes and white face (Puppet) - Flaming Springtrap
Stage Entrance: Will comes in on a car like captain falcons
Taunts
Iconic Save Them Sprite
Eats pizza
Pose he takes in fruit maze
Victory Animations
Springtrap stands in the middle of a bunch of masks with a light in there eyes
The puppet lays on the floor as a car stands parked in the background
Nothing appears on screen before springtrap jumps the screen
(If you win the match with the final smash it show william dancing in the pizzeria)

Just curious if anyone's actually taught themselves Python and passed the qualification test. If you did, congrats and share tips!
I've been trying to learn it and I will have about 3 months completely to myself before I start graduate school, minus the 20 hrs/wk I'll spend working to pay bills. I'm not sure if this is enough, but it'll at least be a nice stepping stone towards the data-sciencey part of my program.
I have access to Ardit Sulce's 60-day Python course and Impractical Python Projects on top of free resources like Automate the Boring Stuff. I also downloaded a set of cheat sheets and opened an account with LeetCode. I'm hoping I'll be prepared by September.

BIO: 2023 Federal taxes/Louisiana/Single/54/Male/No dependents/i do my own taxes and never had a problem/employed/not a biz owner and no side gigs other than stock market/I itemized deductions/filed all required schedule forms and all tax calculation forms/I filed on irs.gov website free fillable forms which is all automated calculations.
2023 TAX INFO: I paid $82,990 in federal taxes on a combo of payroll income and stock profits. I NEVER pay taxes quarterly, ever. Taxes owed for 2023: 97,821…taxes withheld 14,831…for stock taxes i used the proper tax calculation sheets and table…In the end I had a tax payment of 82,990. I grossed $500,003 for 2023…$103,000 was from my payroll income from my job and the rest was selling of short term and long term stock gains and also a few weekly option sales here and there. I have never made that much before in my life in the market and will never again. 2023 was an anomaly for me in the stock market.
STORY: So the other day I get a CP30 tax notice saying i am being penalized for $678 with the explanation in the letter “When you dont pay enough taxes due for the year with your quarterly estimated tax payments and you dont have enough withholding, we charge a penalty for not properly estimating your taxes.”
This notice document has 5 entries with “to” and “from” dates. Here is one example, which is the first line entry:
From date 4-15-23 to date 6-15-23……61 days…..7% rate….0.00019178 factor…..$6,801.66 principal…….$79.57 Penalty
So thats the first line..the next 3 lines below it are all from 2023 also with the last “to” date being 9-20-23. The very last entry line is for 2024, 2-15-24 to 4-12-24 with a principal of $27,206.64 and a penalty of $338.97.
All 5 lines penalty’s equal $678.12
My questions are as follows(and yes, i did call irs three times in last 48hrs and no one has been able to explain why i got this letter or answer any of my questions..i keep getting transfered to another department and im in the que for anotjer call back in an hour)
1 - I have never set up or applied to pay my taxes quarterly so how in the world am I, according to this notice, set up for quarterly payments?
2 - How can I be penalized for all of 2023 when I never set up to pay quarterly?
3 - How can I be penalized and never be notified throughout the year of 2023 OR 2024 until now in mid may 2024?
4 - Where is the IRS getting the “Principal” numbers I list above?
5 - If i dont pay my taxes till tax due date, how is the IRS calculating taxes I owe quarterly for the previous year?
6 - Why have I never gotten one of these CP30 letters in my entire life?
7 - Isnt the very last line (37) of 1040 take into consideration all the taxes I owe from payroll and stocks? Meaning if i didnt pay enough of payroll taxes, that will be revealed in line 37, correct? And in this case i had a tax payment, between payroll and stocks, $82,990 which i paid in full 4-12-24.
8 - If i didnt have enough tax withheld in my payroll tax, wouldnt that all be eventually calculated on the 1040 form line 37? (I did calculate my tax on line 16 properly)
9 - If i never set up quarterly payments, then how can the IRS calculate a penalty 4 times in 2023 and one time in 2024???
Thank you for your time to read all of this…im very confused over all of it.

1. Is this a brand new build, or an upgrade to an existing build?

A brand new build.

1. Please list any existing parts or monitor(s) you have that you would like to re-use with this build. For upgrades, a PCPartPicker list of your full build is extremely helpful. Be as specific as you can be here, including links or exact model numbers of each component whenever possible.

I don’t have any.

1. What will this PC be used for? Examples include things like gaming, general/multimedia use, photo/video editing, coding, AI/ML, etc. Include specific games and applications you intend to run, and any particular performance goals you have, as each may have different specific hardware needs.

I would use it for video games such as minecraft, roblox, valorant and to do school work. I also want to try coding.

1. What country will you be purchasing in? If you are in the US, do you live near a Micro Center? For other countries, please check if your country is supported by PCPartPicker by using the country selector dropdown on the top right - if not, please provide some links to reliable local vendors you are comfortable ordering from.

U.S. I live 3 hours away from Microcenter but i can drive to it.

1. Do you need one or more monitors included in the budget? Please list how many and any size/resolution/refresh rate preferences if needed.

I would like 2 monitors and i prefer a 27 inch.

1. What is your preferred and maximum budget range for this build, in local currency? Parts lists may sometimes have additional shipping costs. Please note whether prices in your country include sales tax or not, and adjust your budget accordingly. Typically VAT countries will have it included in the part list prices, whereas regular sales tax countries like the US and Canada will not.

$800 to $1000. USD

1. Do you need WiFi, or do you have a wired ethernet connection available?

I need wifi.

1. Do you have any specific size or noise requirements for the build?

I don’t want it to be too loud.

1. Do you have any aesthetic preferences for color or lighting? Describe what you're looking for, or feel free to provide some links to examples that may help. Some people prefer an inobtrusive stealth build, while others may prefer a case full of rainbow RGB.

I’m looking for a white themed PC so I can change it to any colors.

1. Any other specific requests or requirements? Examples might include a specific minimum amount of storage, or a particular CPU socket for a future upgrade path, etc.

2-1 TB and 32 GB

Title sums it up.
My three year old cries every day since she was born at exactly 4:45pm. This comes after:
Crying during lunchtime
Crying because I won't let her watch Bluey during homeschool time.
Crying after her lunch was chicken nuggets and fries - what she asked for.
Crying because Mommy "needs a minute."
Crying because Daddy is at work.
Crying because the doggies are asleep and don't want to play right now.
Crying because it's not her day to go to school.
Crying because 2+2 does NOT equal 5.
Crying because she couldn't open her mail without my assistance.
After pulling out her coloring sheets and coloring with her, reading three books with her, showing her math problems and going over the answer key, tracing her name, playing with Tanagrams, dancing for 45 mins, hugs, kisses, and holding a whole conversation with her pet potato and playing puppets with socks around the house....she's still upset.
I poured myself a cold Sprite, and initially, I felt guilty when I reminded myself of my significant weight loss....but I have no guilt. I NEEDED this drink. Lol
I hope all of you are enjoying your week. ❤️

Hi. I compiled some endorsements from my own valued sources for my own needs and figured I'd share it in case it's useful. I started expanding it for more districts and then I just sorta stopped filling in the Source columns after Mercury. Feel free to appropriate as needed.
The Google Sheets Link

Greetings!
I apologize if this is the wrong place to ask this question, feel free to recommend a more fitting community for this.
Last month I took a screenshot in a game (World of Warcraft). The game was running on an HDR monitor, but the game itself does not natively support HDR. I let Windows auto-adjust image to add HDR. The colors did become more vibrant but, apparently, it takes a toll with screenshots - they become overexposed.
The screenshot was taken through the Geforce App and automatically upscaled into super-resolution to double the original, saved as PNG.
My question is simple - can this image somehow be converted to normal in postprocessing?
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EpBdU7RtN8gAb-dM7D1_rShKMyVSPVp1/view?usp=drive_link
Thank you in advance.

Payment is accepted through PayPal Goods and Services.
No Minimum as long as you're okay paying shipping.
Items are coming from a clean, smoke free home.
All items are full size unless noted.
Shipping starts at $6 and will go up for bigger orders/ heavier items.
Payment expected within two hours of agreed upon price. Otherwise I will move on to the next person.
VERIFICATION
ITEMS
EYE SHADOW SINGLES AND PALETTES:
Huda Beauty Desert Dusk- Usage shown- $18
Natasha Denona Sunrise- Usage Shown- $22
Makeup Geek Loose Pigment in Utopia- Used less than 5 times- $3
Colourpop Super shock Shadow in Bae- Brand New- $3
OTHER MAKEUP:
Rose Inc. Cream Blush in Delphine (Blush pan only, no case)- Swatched- $8
Too Faced Lip Injection Lip Liner in Puffy Nude- Used Twice- $8
Wet N Wild Tinted Hydrator in Light Medium- Used Twice- $2
Tarte Amazonian Clay Blush in Blushing Bride- Usage shown- $8
One Size Turn up the Base Pressed Powder in Deep 2- Usage Shown- $15
Natasha Denona Puff Paint Liquid Blush in Tan- Used less than 5 times- $5
Melt Cosmetics The Sculpt Stack in Medium Dark- Usage shown- $12
SKIN:
(All skincare was always used with clean hands)
Peter Thomas Roth Instant Firm Eye Tightener- Used one time- $22
Drunk Elephant B Hydra Serum- Deluxe size 3ml- BN- $5
StriVectin Eye Concentrate for wrinkles- Used one time- $10
Good Molecules 2.5 oz. 10% Niacinamide- Usage shown with blue line on bottle- $5
Glow Wish Blur Jam Primer- Used ~10 times- $15
Dr. Jart Cicapair Tiger Grass Color Correcting Treatment in mini size- Used ~5 times- $7
Sunday Riley C.E.O Glow Vitamin C Cream- Used twice- $35
Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Peel Pads Extra Strength- 13 treatments, BN- $30
Ole Henriksen Peptide Boost Moisturizer- BN, Two Available- $30 each
Ole Henriksen Banana Bright Eye Cream- BN, Two Available- $24 each
Ole Henriksen Glow Dark Spot Toner- BN, Three Available- $20 each
PERFUME:
Velvet Rodeo Eau De Parfum by Miranda Lambert- Usage Shown- $20
Le Monde Gourmand Eau de Parfum in Chai Epice- Usage Shown- $10

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