Poems about married loving someone else

She would have better luck being like “I’m in withdraw and need money for a fix”. Everyone knows anyway, at least be honest about it. It’s just ridiculous at this point.
I’m still baffled that she said she won’t do inpatient, because she did it once and it was “hell on earth” and just wanted to go home the whole time. Uhm, rehab isn’t suppose to be a vacation. Unless you got big money and go to a real fancy luxury one. The reason you go to rehab is because you have zero control over your life and need someone else to teach you how to live and function without substances. So yea, of course “it sucks”. But what’s so great going on right now? Her best chance is to go inpatient for as long as possible, then go into a halfway house for at least a year instead of just going for 28/30 days and going right home. That does nothing for how serious her situation is. Completely restart her life. She already doesn’t have her son, so she has no reason to not commit to a long term facility followed by a LONG halfway. For the record, I went to ALOT of inpatient rehabs and hallways over 15 years before it clicked for me, and just hit 5 years sober. Getting arrested and thrown in jail isn’t going to help someone like her, it certainly didn’t help me. I really hope if she gets in some kind of legal trouble, she will be mandated to go to inpatient.

Well here I am at 22 years old digging a hole for myself. I don’t even know where to start. My girlfriend of 4 years and I moved into the city together to start a life together. We got a full apartment and animals together, and have been on so many trips around the country throughout the years. I supported her through college (which she is just now graduating after 4 years) and worked my ass off doing so. I was going to ask her to marry me this spring. Now we’re splitting apart because she caught feelings for someone else, and all of a sudden is not happy with me. There was barely any indication of that previously. It completely blindsided me. Now I’m sitting here feeling pathetic and bawling my eyes out as I watch her pack all of her things and go. We were even supposed to go on a massive trip as soon as she graduated (the one I was going to ask her to marry me on) at the end of this month, and she cancelled my plane ticket without even telling me. I can’t do anything to stop her from going, and her hurting me like that by talking to someone else right before she left (and continues to do so) just pours salt in the wound. I don’t know what to do.
My grandmother passed away a month ago, and it is still a touchy subject for me. I loved her dearly. She will forever be in my heart. Now the childhood home I grew up in is bought and sold.
Lastly, my cousin who I considered a brother, especially growing up, got back from deployment in Africa about a year ago. He’s been struggling with mental health, and a bit ago his fiancé broke up with him. I had to learn through Facebook, two days ago, that he had taken his life.
I am so fed up. Honestly I’ve been trying my best to push through. But life is really beating me right now. Honestly I’ve been so crushed lately and getting drunk everyday (I know it won’t help). I’m hurting so bad guys and I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep my days away.
I apologize for the rant, but I needed to get this all out somewhere.

So, I've kind of posted about this in other threads, specifically on askreddit, but by some users request, I will do my best to fully relay this entire tale up to the current point, as well as provide as much context I am able (and will provide missing context if asked in comments).
Part 1: CONTEXT
Me and my wife have been together since early 2014, and married in late 2017. We have been through much together, including two extended deployments, one of which was 10 and a half months long. We have traveled the world together, lived on both coasts of the US, and despite much of our struggles and how things eventually went down, I was always convinced we would work as a team to overcome any issues.
The friend in question was, largely, an online friend. We met playing an MMO during covid and we quickly formed a very tight knit, but small, community that were very close that included me, my wife, my friend, his wife, and 4 other friends. Covid was a wild time and I was surprised how easy it was to form friends in this group and we kept in touch, as a whole, even once quarantine had ended and most of us had moved on from that particular game. This was a group that, while it started online, we have met most of these people several times IRL and had vacations to spend time together and just hang out.
Part 2: His Problems
Fast forward to about January of 2024. My buddy, from here on out I will refer to as Z (and for a quick add, I will refer to my wife as D), contacts us to tell us his condition is dire and he has been diagnosed with stage 4 cirrhosis of the liver as a consequence of his extensive drinking. Shaken, we quickly charter a flight out to visit. Within a week, we're staying with him and his wife and his roommate and a couple members of his family who are taking care of him. This man is bloated, yellow, and probably about 350lbs now. We are worried, but stay supportive and positive that help can be found, especially since he seems keen on changing his lifestyle for the better. Some of his family start a gofundme that we donate to, and many of the people in our gaming circle who have grown close also donate several thousand dollars (One member of our raid team donated 10k. You never know who is stealth rich on the internet I guess). Me and several other friends discuss the possibilities of helping him get on disability and even getting ourselves tested as compatible living donors. Sad, but hopeful, we depart about a week later, and stay in constant touch.
About a month later, I'm getting a call from one of our mutuals letting me know that "Hey, so I may have goofed up." and tells me how Z's wife had visited him and had a 3 way with him and his wife. I am obviously irate at this and turn to back Z up with comments like "So much for in sickness and in health, huh?" I do what I can to stay supportive, and my wife, D, also makes it a point to stay in touch with him as he has found himself banished to the couch of his apartment. Not even allowed to sleep in his own bed and frequently uncomfortable even being in his bedroom to use the PC.
I'm not particularly rich, but I am not poor either. I served in the military and have a high VA rating which means a constant income and have a steady job and a couple side gigs that pay well enough. My love language, in many ways, is gift giving. I pride myself on being able to pick a good gift, even if it's a little early for an occasion such as a bday or christmas, and will often pull the trigger on something if it means a lot or I think it will help. In this case, my brother was selling an old steam deck because he wanted a new OLED model, so I figured "two birds, one stone", and buy the steam deck off him and send it to Z so we can still game together.
In the intervening months, Z and D start playing games that I have no interest in (Disney Dreamlight Valley), but I am happy to play other games and hang out and chat. Really, nothing seems amiss, but since his banishment, me and my wife are both pushing for him to come and take up the spare bedroom we have in our home. Soon enough, I buy him a plane ticket and he arrives with little more than the clothes on his back and we take him in, no cost other than the expectation that he might help around the house a bit (he was a chef, so having a cook and someone to help clean was ideal for me who often did not have the time or energy to handle these tasks as thoroughly as I would like).
Part 3: The Incident
Now, I am skipping ahead a little bit here, but there's not much to be said about the time between. My wife worked part time hours, and when she did go to work, she'd have him tag along just so he wouldn't "Sit and stew with bad thoughts" at the house alone. I will admit that throughout this entire ordeal, I have had several, several times where my brain tried to warn me, but I ignored ALL of those signs because I trusted him, but more importantly, I trusted her with my life.
One new, frequent argument I found myself having with her was she would fall asleep on the couch, and when I finally tried to go to bed, I'd do my best to wake her and drag her upstairs. These became extremely frequent occurrences and I expressed to her how frustrated I was that I had to fight with her just to come to bed so we could sleep (mind you, this is not even about sex. Often I'm taking her to bed at like, 1am and I work at 7, so I really just wanted her to be sleeping in the bed). Hell, one time, I started catching the vibes that the longer I sat and waited for her to be ready to go upstairs, she just never would be, because they were waiting for me to leave so they could talk in hushed tones. On THAT particular night, I went upstairs alone with her finally awake, and she did not join me for another half hour.
Finally, the day arrives. Its Sunday. We are all downstairs hanging out. One of their newest habits I can't really stand but just dealt with is that she'd sit and crochet while he doomscrolled or strummed on a guitar I bought him and listen to music videos on youtube endlessly. Eventually, I grow weary and give my wife a kiss and tell her I'm gonna go upstairs and play some GW2 for a bit.
About an hour passes, and she enters the game room and tells me "I am uncomfortable. I really need to talk to you. Oh, you're dying!" (As she entered the room, I immediately turn face to talk to her and disregard the game, but she decided that my Charr was more important that what was about to happen, so she of course warns me.) We step into the bedroom and close the door.
"You're going to hate me," she says through tears, "me and Z kissed!" At this point, my brain short circuits and I recall one of my first thoughts being "Oh lord, here we go." and just a general desire to not be a part of this conversation. Shock sets in almost immediately. Still with a healthy dose of denial, I talk to her about what had happened and told her that it needed to end. Even at this point, I did not want to send this man home. Was it shock? Denial? Probably a mixture of the two, or some other additional emotional responses. She gets up after some discussion and goes downstairs, promising to shut him down, but comes back about 15 minutes later sobbing "I couldn't do it! I couldn't end it..." (Side note: In my confused haze of a mind, I feel personally threatened, and after she leaves the bedroom, I lock the door and grab a metal water cub I keep at my side and prepare to actually fight if it comes to it, but once she returns, I back off that idea again.)
Talking with her more, I present her with two options; Couple's therapy, or divorce. BOTH of these options are world ending to her, and she even goes so far as to suggest that just because I said the "D word" that it was what I wanted, which was objectively untrue. We talk back and forth about things I don't quite recall at this point, aside from one point where she comes back and locks herself in the master bath and tells me to call 911, she doesn't care, because she's going to take a bunch of pills, but after a couple of hours, Z shows up to the door and knocks and asks if he can come in. I tell him he may enter, and we talk for a bit. After about 5ish minutes, we decide to go downstairs to the living room and continue the discussion.
Once I sit down on the sofa, I immediately feel like I'm being positioned as the bad guy. I'm in the corner of our sectional, and she's on my left, he's on my right. She tells him "He said it's either a divorce or couple's therapy." "Oh, so he gave you an ultimatum?" I continue to argue that yes, those are the two only options. Z tells me "You're not being fair to her emotions. She is telling you there is another option." I am thoroughly baffled at this statement.
D: I didn't think it was possible and I didn't mean for it to happen, but I have fallen in love with another man. My heart has room for two. I truly have two soulmates. I have never been happier than sleeping on the couch next to my two boys.
Z: There is no reason you guys can't stay married, and we can explore what we've found. I mean, look at how happy she has been since I have been here!
Sick to my stomach, I get up to go vomit in the toilet. Now, I wore a silicone wedding ring, and often find even with a hand wash, a little water tends to get trapped under it. After I finish and wash myself up, I come back and am playing with my ring to dry it. She sees this as a sign that I am uncomfortable again wearing my ring, and takes off her ring as I sit back down and hands me her wedding ring.
Me: Uh, excuse me?
D: This is what you want, I can tell.
Me: No? I was washing my hands and water gets stuck under my ring...
D: Oh... I thought... okay. (And she takes back her ring from me)
I tell her, very clearly, the options are to either end things with him, or end things with me. At this point, I'm still in shock, but sober in mind enough to decide that this is not worth fighting over. I will not argue with my own wife my merits or why she shouldn't just pack up and leave with a jobless, now essentially homeless man, and if she cannot figure that out herself then I will eventually move on.
Crying, sobbing, she sits down in front of him and says, "I'm so sorry, I fought for you. I really did. I told you I'd fight for you and I failed. I loved being your girlfriend, but I need to be a good wife and stay."
Z says "Alright." and starts to go gather his things to leave. As he does, she grabs him and says "No, wait! Please don't go. I don't know what I want."
Z: Ok, well if we're getting all this out in the open, I want to say this. I love this girl. I love her with my whole heart, and without her, life is not worth living. I will not leave this house if you (me) tell me to. Only her. You are taking this very well right now, I can tell you want to hit me (Still in shock, no, I can genuinely say that emotion or thought had not actually registered outside of the event upstairs earlier), but this is my stand.
D: OP, we had a good run. I'm sorry.
And with that, I get up and go to get my sandals and leave the house to get some air. As I try to go, she runs to the door and he follows her. She pushes the door closed and says "No wait, please!"
Me: No, this is the deal. I'm going out to get some fresh air. I am not threatening self harm to "win you back".
D: Will you be back?
Me: I don't know.
Z: Man, I'm telling you, you don't understand, you think I am your enemy, but I am not.
And with that, I leave and shut the door.
In the about, hour, I am gone, I drive around near the house and I call my supervisor who I have a very good relationship with (and I did not want to involve direct friends or family yet because I'm afraid it's too early to start spreading this news). I go over to her house nearby and we chat shortly. After our talk, I have at least something of a clear head and go home, with words for both of them.
As I arrive home, there is no one downstairs. I go upstairs. His door is closed. I knock on the door.
Z: Uh, one second.
I wait for about 5 agonizing seconds, but I refuse to be shut out of rooms in my own home and open the door. He is shirtless, and she is hiding in the corner just out of sight of me. I look him in the eye.
Me: Really?
Z: Yep.
Me: Get out of my house.
And with that, they both silently pack their things and leave.
The second I hear the front door close, I start calling people. I am not above pettiness, and the first person I call is her mom, whom I have a good relationship with. She is SHAKEN and immediately calls her. (I find out later that it was a particularly harsh verbal beating by her, but it really doesn't change anything.)
When I come downstairs to check the state of the house, I see her wedding ring on the counter. I call out of work the next day and lay down and hope I die.
Part 4: Her Problems
So, there is some additional context that I did not add in part 1 because a lot of it is red flags I ignored over the course of our relationship that, in the days following, started to become more and more obvious. There are many that I spent much effort playing off or covering her for, but I will try to briefly list much of what I see as glaring issues in the relationship that were never remedied.
This woman is 30 years old and cannot drive. She can drive and HAS driven my vehicle at the start of the relationship (albeit illegally), but after one tiny little accident where she hit a pole and knocked my side mirror off (which she paid for and fixed before telling me, it really wasn't a big deal. I was on deployment), she never drove again. Attempts to get her behind the wheel would end very quickly after they started, and the conditions to get her in the seat were often extremely time limited, scheduled, or something would come up, and every time I told her "okay, this month we're getting your license for sure" it just wouldn't happen and I'd end up feeling like the one who was at fault.
She does not have her Bachelor's degree because she did not turn in her final project for one single class. Not only that, but she has never truly pursued a career with the things she learned from the coursework, or even used her AA.
For half of the relationship, she did not work at all. When she did, it was often part time work, and if she was saddled with full time hours or, god forbid, overtime, it was a world-ending affair. She would come home and constantly be tired from her few hours at work and would do little more than sit around and crochet.
Our agreement when we bought our house was that she was going to work full time and we were going to split household duties, but I would definitely scoop the cat box because she was allergic (but she wanted cats) and wash dishes (because she hated them), and she would do laundry (because I hated it). In practice, all her version of laundry turned out to be was to throw loads in when one of us was out of clothes and just hit wash and then rotate, and then leave all the clothes in a pile on the bed. EVERYONE KNOWS folding the laundry is the worst part! Come on! Men's clothes are easy! I don't wear that much! (When we would fold, I often finished in a third of her time and would just hang out and chat until she was done)
Ultimately, this meant that for many years now, she was working barely more than part time if she was working at all, and would sort-of do laundry. Meanwhile, I am scooping litter, folding laundry, doing dishes, doing all related yard work, doing all the household cleaning, handling all the finances, I did MOST of the cooking, and all of the grocery shopping (often going alone), driving her from work if I could (she'd uber it if not) and picking her up and driving her home, as well as just generally being a chauffeur for her for 10 years, while working a full time job and a side gig online. Many nights I'd have to stop what I was doing to pick her up at closing hours, and then would sit in the parking lot for 30 minutes while she did tasks like vacuum her little crystal shop that she definitely could have done before close so I didn't end up waiting so damn long. Then we'd come home hang out and eat while we watched TV, and then if I wanted to try and go upstairs to do another hobby, I'd be silently guilted about it because she wanted to sit on the couch and crochet.
Part 5: My Problems
I am not perfect, and admit I have flaws. One of her favorite things to claim to our friends now is that I was "emotionally neglectful", and if there is truth to it, I think I can pin down the day. Before I started working full time again, I was going to school on the 9/11 GI bill. I was not a good student in my younger years, but in time, I have become rather good at school. My first two semesters back I easily maintained a 4.0 GPA. Over the summer in 2022, I, woefully, decided to take a Calc 2 class online because I could not find one in person and wanted to be ready for Calc 3 in the Fall to fill a prereq for my bachelor's, and I really liked the instructor for that Calc 3 class. This calc 2 class was painful. The instructor had clearly recorded all his lectures during Covid and we were simply given the full course of videos and given work assignments and said "Email me if you have questions." This is not how I learn, but I figured, hey, it's one class. I'm working again, but one class isn't a huge deal. I can knock this out.
I was wrong.
After the second exam, I had a low C in the class and I knew I couldn't keep up. I withdrew from the class feeling no other option. I tend to be pretty good at math, and ultimately my dream was to work with 3d printing on an industrial scale with a Mechanical Engineering degree- and if that failed I had my military history (which is engineering relevant) and a degree to fall back on and work should come easily. After clicking that withdraw button, I saw those dreams vaporize. After that, I threw myself into my government civilian job full time and slowly fell into depression. By the end of our relationship, with the toll of doing 99% of the work around the house and for her and with my dreams dead and buried, at age 33, I would wake up and pray I died. I would never kill myself, but I wanted to just die. I felt backed into a corner. I still did everything I could to support her and hoped that one day, she would pick up some of the load and maybe, just maybe, I could go back, but that day did not come (At least not in the way I expected).
Part 6: The Aftermath
This post is already too long, and if I include every single detail that has come to light since, I might actually hit the post cap, but I will go over at least some of it here.
I have had my friends come out in droves. Both of them have been effectively exiled, at least from what I can see, from every friend circle we have. After a couple of days, they flew back to live with, I guess, his parents in Vegas while they sorted shit out, because after I spoke with Z's previous roommate, he adamantly explained he was tired of all the "fucking drama" that Z had been bringing into the house and was just done with it.
I have spoken with many, many people and gotten even more context and even receipts of some of each of their conversations to our mutual friends, and some of the shit I read is just hilarious. He is "not ashamed of pursuing happiness, he is just sad that people got hurt". She is "coming to terms with emotional neglect and felt trapped, but now, yes now, she is free."
I got my neighbors to watch the cats, and took my dog up to visit my closest friend of 20 years and spent about a week and a half drinking, smoking, and talking about all this while surrounded by some of the most beautiful nature the US has to offer. Truly, without this man, I don't think I'd have gotten this far as quickly as I have. He really has been a lifesaver and I truly, to my dying day, will always appreciate him.
Paperwork has been filed, we wish to remain on good terms, and one day I still do hope I can be a friend to her, but she is woefully immature and incapable of adequately performing in an adult society. I have quit my job and am returning to school with a much lighter budget and will be getting that degree I desperately need.
It's been hard, real hard. I have put every ounce of my being into this relationship, and I truly felt like she was part of me, and nothing like this could ever happen. But it's that trust that allowed this to happen. I do not hate her, I'm just disappointed. I will pick up my pieces and, hopefully, find myself whole again soon.
Part 7: Rambling anecdotes
These are some stories I wanted to include in the previous body of text but didn't feel like it kept the same flow (if there even is any at all, I'm not proofreading this). If I remember any others after I post, Ill just toss them in the comments.
Early after Z came to live with us, my mother came to the house to drop off a package. I am pretty sure I was at work, but when my mother came to the door, both of them answered the door and the way my mom describes it "First of all, do you answer the door at your friends house? Also, the way he hovered over her made me uncomfortable. They were in the doorway and he was right up behind her poking his head out." She said my wife had told her that I was feeling unwell and was upstairs sleeping. I can't even be sure at this point.
Shortly before all the things happened, my parents were going out of town to celebrate their own anniversary, and I had agreed to dog-sit their 5 month old puppy (who, while cute, has WAY too much energy and was EXTREMELY difficult to handle, and I have raised several dogs at this point). We met up and took the dog, and then ALL of us (including Z) went to dinner. At dinner, my mother looked at my wife and asked, directly "And so how long have you been married? 6, almost 7 years? Well at least you missed that 7 year itch, huh" and my wife shortly followed with a comment about how she was not hungry and did not eat dinner that night.
All of this happened WHILE THIS CRAZY PUPPY was running around the house, and part of me thinks he pushed this to happen when it did because he could not stand having to help take care of this dog any longer (2 days).
About a week after all this happened, my wife did not text or call me, or respond to any messages or emails I sent her (I didn't send many, but they exist). Frustrated, I text her and tell her I need to talk to her about logistics moving forward, specifically about her belongings. She told me "I will talk to you when I am ready." We did not talk for another week. Also, she told me to stop talking to her mom. (I have a good relationship with both of my in-laws and while her step-father tried to remain impartial to the best of his abilities, he gave me some of the best advice I could possibly have gotten at that time, mostly about how to move forward and cope, as he has personally dealt with this with smaller relationships 3 separate times in his life which he gave me details on, and we are still on good terms.)
Their favorite TV show to watch together was Outlander, which, if you aren't aware, is basically a story about a woman who time travels and has two men in her life.
One of our biggest constant points of contention was my friendship with an old high school buddy (who I spent much of the time in the aftermath hanging out with while healing). We believe, with good reason, that she hated this man because after I had almost been hospitalized for psych reasons due to stress, he had told me I needed to talk to her about working again and doing more to help around the house. She figured out, obviously, who was telling me to say these things, and sent a very, very angry text to his wife. They all apparently made up, but I know she never let that grudge go.
One of the fairly recent hobbies I got into was D&D. It seemed like a good fit for all of us. She loved fantasy and gaming, I enjoyed 3d printing and story telling. She needed friends, and a party of people hangin out would give her at least a few connections to start. Every night she "participated" in D&D, she mostly sat quiet and did not do anything. Hell, I tried to get her to participate in 2 different games, and after she left the first one, she asked to just sit quietly in the discord call (This first one was online only, second was in person) and listen, which was super awkward. In the in person game, after 3 months of playing, she did not know how to play her character at all, and mostly spent her time at the table crocheting. (My buddy even made a comment about how at one point, he was proud of how good I was getting at DMing and I was giving particularly good exposition, and she interrupted me to hand another player at the table a dice bag she made. I don't remember it, but I absolutely believe this happened.)
The day of "the incident", she had a meltdown about how a friend of hers had ghosted her. I told her it was okay, she was much younger anyway and people grow apart. She's probably going through stuff and we should respect that path she's on. She cried about how she has no friends.
Also the day of "the incident", we were in the shower together and she told me she had met her sister's new BF on facetime. I asked "why did she break up with her old one?" "Well... she cheated on him." "Oh, that's a shame. Cheating is probably the most cowardly act a person can do to another. If you're going to start a new relationship, you need to grow a pair and end it before starting a new one." She clearly took my words to heart.
One of my biggest pet peeves about cleaning the house is our dog sheds, a lot. If I see a hairball roll through the house it immediately drains me a bit. We had a roomba. She would send that thing home when it started and never start it again. It barely ran. She would not vacuum.
One of the most common descriptors of her I've heard used by many people now that they're "allowed to" is "She was there, doing the thing with us, but it was like she wasn't there."
Something she thought that I apparently hadn't figured out by the time we talked after everything happened was that they had been talking since February. I told her I wasn't stupid and had figured it out already that this wasn't out of the blue.
Z's wife is currently pregnant with the baby of the man she cheated on him with. (And he is also married)
Anything else I remember Ill leave for comments, I know there is much, much more.
TL;DR
A friend of mine of 4 years drank himself into liver failure and his wife cheated on him, so I offered him a free room to try and put his life back together, and I was repaid for the thought with a divorce of my own, but honestly, it's probably not that bad.

There was a post that was recently posted and it's been asked a ton: "How do I get a computer science related job after I graduate from KSU?". I thought I'd share this with everyone because I've been down this path and managed to make it on the other side. This will be a long explanation and hopefully, can serve as some sort of guide for students. That being said, things are subjective and this is not the holy grail of how to make it. You might find all, some or none of it useful. I encourage testimonials and whatnot in the comments. YMMV

Some information about me: I've been around here for a while. I was a student not too long ago, studied computer science for my bachelors. After graduating, I work in FAANG and have worked in big tech for a while. No, I don't work at Amazon. I am a senior software engineer. I touch frontend & backend technologies. I participate in hiring frequently.
Over the years and while attending here, there's been a weird disconnect between students, goals and how to achieve them in tech. Goals can be anywhere from learning new technologies, getting internships to securing a full time job before or after you graduate. As much as I would love for there to be a path where you can do minimum effort and still succeed, there isn't. A lot of you seem to not realize that. Getting a degree in this field is not enough. Doing projects that show no passion / interests is not enough. Being stuck on tutorials for years is not enough.
This field is much like a sport. There are very few people that can just be great without any effort. You have to be consistent. Four years is not a lot of time. It goes by super fast. If you constantly push things back and you do not take the time to learn the fundamentals outside the classroom, you will not succeed in this field. This field is at a point where there's so many of you. Every post on LinkedIn and news articles said "hey, this field is a gold mine and you'll make six figures out the gate". For a time, maybe that was somewhat true. As of writing this, it's not. You're going against people who have: better schools, better experience, etc. You have to find a way to diversify yourself early. If you can't diversify, you're going to be in a tough place later down the road. Knowledge not something you can just consume in less than an hour and pass an interview. You have to know it well. If you don't, there's someone else who will.
There's an interesting connotation in life that you're either born super smart or an absolute idiot and that you have to be smart to do computer science / programming. There are people with raw IQ that can consume things like no one you've ever met but, that's such a rarity that there's no realistic use in using that as a data point. If you ever took the time to ask someone who you thought was really good at something, they would tell you something along the lines of: I love what I do and I spent a lot of time doing this. There are hours and hours of time people put into passions that you don't / will never see. Meaning that they can no-life this shit for days on end and still come back and do it some more. It doesn't mean that you can't succeed if don't do that but, computing / programming is a very boring field if you do not enjoy it. I would seriously contemplate why you're doing through this. If you're doing it for money and only money, you're going to end up miserable. No amount of money can make you do something you hate. It'll wear you down both mentally and physically. If you're doing this because it's a mix of passion and money, you're like everyone else and you gave yourself a better shot. It's a mental thing. Don't climb uphill if you rather sit at the bottom. There's nothing wrong with that. But, don't do it.
Additionally, college is what you make of it. Blaming professors or the program (while I do agree sometimes) is not great. Blaming professors that don't speak English is a cop out. If you work in tech, you'll be interacting with a lot of people from other countries. Professors and TAs can only teach you so much. Classes are meant to give you a taste of what it's like in that domain / space. It's not meant to fix all your issues and show you the way. That's for you to do on your own time. Take accountability of your own success, explore the internet (it's free) and lock in. Stop looking for opportunities to find you. Actively seek them out yourself.
Make connections with people. I cannot stress how important this is. Especially on the Marietta campus, there's a lot of you that go to class, stingers / food, run to class and immediately start gaming and think that when your classes are over, you're done for the day. That's such a bad mindset. Make connections with people. A lot of people say "there's nothing to do at KSU and there's no life on campus". That's not true. Join a club that interests you. Get close to the people in that club who actively attend and build a personal relationship. If there's no club with your interest, make a club. You can make one officially through KSU or add a discord server to the student hub and go from there. You'll meet some really cool people. Lots of my connections have come from randomly showing up to a club, getting out of my comfort zone and weirdly enjoying it.
Brush up on your interview skills. Technical and behavioral abilities matter. Culture fit matters. A lot of you seem to walk around with almost zero personal hygiene. Clean yourself up, practice talking to people and get places. There's been this stigma that culture fit doesn't matter as much as technical and if I have great technical abilities, they'll just accept me. I can tell you for an absolutely fact that I have thrown out / tossed out resumes from highly technical individuals that had zero people skills. If you can't communicate and clean up, you're more of a risk than someone who does all those things and has a bit less technical ability. Know more than just leetcode. Learn system design. Take a course / watch a video on Linux and bash. Do not be afraid of the command line interface. Take feedback seriously. Do not argue with people. If you future manager / colleague tells you that you need to work on things, work on those things. There's nothing worth than a co-worker in denial.
As for internships and full time opportunities, there's a few classes at KSU that you really want to master: Data structures, Algorithm Analysis, Operating Systems and Discrete math. If you're in a major that doesn't have those classes, spend the extra money and take those classes. Do not take them online if you can afford to come in person. Take the hardest / best professors for those courses. Super important. Leetcode is quite literally, those two classes merged together in a prompt-style format. If you do not understand those concepts, you will not make it in this field.
Data Structures - Varies. Rate my professor.
Algorithm Analysis - Varies. Rate my professor.
Operating Systems - Do not take Carla McManus if you want to learn the concepts fluently.
Discrete Math - Andy Wilson.
Having solid resume is super important. Many people who don't secure things and get automatically rejected, etc have horrible resumes. Spend the money to get your resume professionally written. Templates are cool but, they don't convey information well. Don't put every achievement ever on there. The rule of "only one page" is complete and total bullshit. If you have projects and prior work experience related to the role, list it down. Don't conserve space for the sake of keeping it one page. I know the career center actively tells people on handshake to keep it to one page. They're wrong. I landed internships consistently at big tech / FAANG for years with a 1.5 / 2 page resume. Do not lie on your resume. If you can't solve a leetcode hard consistently with the technology / language of choice, you don't know it well enough. I have interviewed a ton of students that list they know C or Python and can't write recursion or gives me a solution in O(N^2) or worse. Aim for O(N), use a hashmap / hash table when you can and do it in a language that doesn't make you fight the runtime / compiler. Trust me, we know when you're making shit up. If you don't know something say it and then, tell them to explain more. This way, you show that you have the capability to learn. Ask smart questions. Do not ask questions that have already been answered. Take notes.
On your resume, experience is only real experience if you get a W2. If you don't get a W2, you can't claim it as professional experience. A lot of background checks these days are drilling down on incorrect information. I have seen instances where people lie, get an offer, company finds out through a comprehensive background check and their offer is gone. Do not put the fate of your future income on a lie. I cannot stress this enough. A lot of students actively lie.
Secondly, the trick to getting a good internship is timing. A lot of you want until Nov - Dec to find an internship and then, throw your hands up when no one responds. That's not a good mindset. Solid internships are recruiting in end of July to August. By September, the amount of open spots are extremely thin. Local companies tend to look for internships during this time. Internships are about luck after that. Reach out to people in your circle to increase your odds. A referral goes a long way. Prior experience through projects that are complex and unique go a long way. It's a numbers game. Don't aim for the highest thing ever without some sort of referral. You can still apply but, do not expect much from it. Start small and work your way up. It's extremely rare to go from KSU undergrad sophomore to Google. It takes a lot of outside work. If you happen to land the internship, make sure that you get recommendations at the end. Having real people who you worked with in a professional capacity that can vouch for you is huge. If you're in your junior year and you get an internship, make sure you try to secure a full time offer. Loop in your boss, mentor, etc. Make your expectations clear. Reach their expectations and beyond.
Thirdly, full time opportunities are rare and most new grads that get hire come from the previous year's intern pool. If you don't get converted, you have to make up that time searching for a job during your senior year. If you do get converted, keep looking because companies are flaky these days. Always have a Plan B & C. Never fully count on Plan A. If you don't have internships across four years, it's over for you. From a hiring manager perspective, it's an absolute red flag when we come across someone with a degree and no internships. That's effectively going against the point of college. You'll have to settle for crumbs and crawl your way up. Very few make it out of that hole. Especially, now.
Do not wait until after you graduate to find a job. Jan - Early May are when most companies finalize budgets and hire. If you wait until after May, you'll have to wait until after the Summer and possibly, October for hiring to pick up again. Proactivity is nothing but good for you. If you can't be proactive then, you won't succeed in this field. Referrals matter but, personal connections with the hiring manager / recruiter are much, much better. Work your way up. Don't discount an opportunity because it doesn't pay well. Get as much experience as you can and bounce around. Do not go into the gate thinking you're going to make $120K - $140K / yr out the gate. You're most-likely going to make $68K - $75K / yr depending on the location. Do not listen to LinkedIn posts that claim all this cool shit and how to do it. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't pay attention to it. It's a brag-fest. It's a long road. Start walking on it early and you'll reach the other side when it matters most.
The reality of this economy is that highly experience people have been laid off. Those people are applying to entry level roles and those roles are being filled for cheap. In addition, watch out for fake postings and scam jobs. If you take a contract job, always keep looking. Avoid jobs that will providing "training" before you even start. Avoid jobs that are less than week old. You want things that are fresh. It's a numbers game. Apply for 300+ jobs every week until you get a response back. Don't be discouraged by employers who don't respond or ghost you. Keep at it. It's a mental game.
I think if you do these things, you'll end up at a great spot after four years. If you're just now coming across this and you've been slacking, use this an opportunity to wake the fuck up, light a fire under your ass and lock in. If you're still in denial after reading this post and you have yet to get anything, light a fire under your ass, come to terms with it and lock in.
If you're in it to do zero work, cheat on your classes, mess around for four years and somehow wing a high salary, good luck. You're fucked. You're so fucked, in-fact, that you'll be wondering "why me and why is it so hard" for a long ass time.
Some cool guides I've found over there years:
Git - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvUiKWv2-C0
Github (use this as you portfolio; web devs should make an actual clean website) - https://github.com
Github Student Pack (tons of free resources) - https://education.github.com/pack
Linux Handbook - https://linuxhandbook.com/ Linux Quickguide - https://github.com/mikeroyal/Linux-Guide
Cool Linux-based Subreddit - linuxupskillchallenge
Understand: Kernel Space vs. User Space, Memory Allocation / Deallocation, Bitwise Operations, Memory blocks, processes and threads, context switching
System Design Primer - https://github.com/donnemartin/system-design-primer
Understand: Monolith vs. Micro-services, Tradeoffs between different approaches, Vertical vs. Horizontal Scaling, Load Balancers, Buckets, Data lakes, CI / CD Pipelines, Data Clusters, Client-Server Architecture, Synchronous vs. Asynchronous Context: System design is like a giant puzzle that has many forms. Create a basic design. It won't be perfect. Mix-and-match different services and know why, how and tradeoffs between each approach.
Programming language is dependent on the role and what the company favors. Common ones are Java, C++, Python, C#, JavaScript / TypeScript and C. You can look at jobs that you would like to work someday, look at the requirements and use that as a basis on where to start learning. Things constantly change. Fundamentals build up on each other. Start small. Work your way up. Do not dream big. Dream realistic. Everyone is different.

I'm 20F and she's 18F. We've been dating for around 2 months and we've done things. Thing is, she told me she never had a sexual partner before me but recently I learned that she actually did have one a few years ago. A while after she told me I asked her to get tested for HIV because I can't be sure if she doesn't have anything now that i'm technically not her first and only partner. She agreed at first but the next day she seemed offended about it and said she definitely doesn't have it because she had blood contact (recently) with her friend and her friend doesn't have it. Which tbf sounds really irresponsible and like she's uneducated about this stuff. She also was mad because to her it was insensitive to ask because what happened back then was something she didn't want to remember or bring up anymore. And she said i should get tested instead, even though i've never had the chance to contract anything because i had never really had sex before her. In the end she said she'd get tested but she hasn't done anything about it and we just don't talk about it anymore but it's still on my mind. Also it's important to note the STD tests aren't free where we live and they are actually quite expensive. Am I paranoid or should I actually be worried? Also she said the guy that she did it with had protection but i am still unsure if i can feel safe.
TL;DR: Gf doesn't feel like she needs to get tested and thinks i'm paranoid, i feel like she should because she'd done things with someone else before we got together.

I've made sense of the CEN I experienced through talking to my close childhood friends growing up. My friends did not have my same struggles but we had commonalities so they could understand where I came from. When I married into a supportive family, the CEN became even more startlingly clear. Getting through the pain and heartbreak was made easier by being able to talk to my husband who witnesses my family first hand but didn't know this life himself.
Over the years I also found more friends who were like me. I had mixed experiences with this. Some were like looking into a mirror and feeling seen and being able to offer something back, some were draining and set me back in my own journey.
And still there are things that were part of my childhood that I have kept to myself for various reasons. I use groups like these to help me gain insight, understanding, support etc for the things I can't totally voice.
I want to know what helps others more in their journey: A. Close friends who don't share your issues; B. Close friends who do; C. Communities but no singular friends.
If you wanted an IRL friend who gets it, do you find them through these communities or how else? Do you want more IRL friends who get it?
Something I often wish for is a mentor of sorts, someone who's been in my shoes and can show me the way a bit to make my path easier. I don't mind mentoring and giving back either.

Help - Discovered parents debt.
So … just found this tonight after I heard a heated “discussion” between the parents… I’m 23ukm live away from home but am visiting for a couple more weeks.
Background- parents married live together have 1 kid at home. always had troubles financially - we have never been well off, house troubles, cars etc - but mum salary 22k, dad is recently 36k but has been on 24-26 usually.
Parents have done everything to give kids and family everything and more than they could afford. The best loving family & I knew there was a little debt but oof.. turns out each of them weren’t aware of what position we were actually in.
Circumstances how this came about don’t really matter. An accumulation of giving and providing more than they could afford, spiralling. I’m only after a practical soloutions to help out with the situation.
Parents are currently approx 11.5 k in debt. 1400 council tax, 4500 overdraft, 1500 overdraft, 3500 credit card.
I’m sitting down with my dad tomorrow to look at what debts are the most urgent, what debts interest rates are, and where they can cut back to create a payment plan. Hopefully convince him to phone council to freeze and or other debtors if this is an option.
But if there’s anything anyone can suggest, please do. This could ruin the family in more ways than one, I aim to do my best to create a practical plan to save them financially, and otherwise.
Reddit. Always admired posts honesty and replies, never engaged much. Please help me out!

Assalamu Alaykoum, I need rational advices and opinions on my situation, jazakallahu khairan.
My husband (23) and I (22) got married a year and a half ago. Actually, we don't live together yet, we only did our nikkah. 4 months ago, my husband decided to divorce me (he pronounced talaq 1 time). The reasons that led him to divorce are as follows: when we had arguments, I said bad words and insults (he also insulted me). Also, he started losing weight and was frustrated that his wife (me) wasn't losing weight.
Before my iddah period ended, he decided to take me back, after seeing that I was capable of making efforts to lose a lot of weight and because I have done phenomenal efforts to understand my responsibilities as a wife and not to say bad words to my husband, even when I am dissatisfied with certain things. He decided to reconcile me Islamically before talking to his parents, because my iddah period was ending soon. We decided to forgive each other and move forward with our future expectations in this marriage. However, since he told his parents, he has completely changed with me and can no longer give me the security of a husband, because his parents are asking him to choose between me and them. His parents told him that a woman who insults can hide deeper vices and that I could do much more serious and vicious things later (we must not forget that their son insulted me too, and even if I was the one who started more often, I did it because he was moving away from me and I wasn't his priority). I have a lot of regrets about my vulgar language and I repented and I would never do it again inshaAllah, but it was a fault that I had, like he had, and it breaks my heart that someone can believe that I am capable of doing vicious things, because of that.
In short, he is completely lost and he has hatred towards me because he is hurting his parents by taking me back and he is disappointing them. He wonders if Islamically speaking, it is haram to harm your parents and disobey them in this way? And he doesn't know if our marriage is worth it, because his parents gave him everything in life. So there is this possibility in his head to divorce again to avoid fracturing his relationship with his parents, but he doesn't know yet. You should also know that before the divorce, his parents loved me a lot and I never disrespected them and I always treated them like my own parents. We have been in this situation for 1 month and I have two questions to ask you:
1- How, as a man and as a woman, would you have handled this situation?
2- Islamically speaking, is it haram to harm your parents and disobey them in this way (by taking back a woman that they don't "trust" anymore)?
May Allah protect you and your marriages.

Note that I'm not talking about what you would or wouldn't say to them, I'm talking about what you believe internally.
For me, I think my attitude would vary a lot depending on the circumstances, primarily on whether there's any potential incentives to lie.
For instance, if they confided in me privately that they were assaulted by someone I don't know well, such as an ex or a family member, I'd probably give them the benefit of the doubt because they have little incentive to lie.
If, on the other hand, they publicly accused a mutual friend or acquaintance, I probably wouldn't accept their word at face value because of the possibility of defamation. This doesn't mean that I think they're lying, I'm just not willing to give them the benefit of the doubt if I'm not confident that they have nothing to gain from lying.
There are also other factors that are arguably relevant, like whether and how much they were drinking at the time(affects memory formation and their recollection of events), whether they're in a relationship with someone else(concealing infidelity?), how the accused reacts(sometimes they're stupid enough to admit it), etc.
What do you guys think?

I will apologise in advance for the long post.
I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. We moved in with each other at around 9 months and things have changed between us significantly.
Initially my partner was incredibly attentive, was always wiling to listen to my good and bad days, thoughtful, considerate, romantic, understanding etc. Things were pretty good with us! I was shocked because I hadn't really experienced this type of relationship before. We had small tiffs but we were always able to talk about things and sort it out. Our sex life was pretty good! We both liked pleasing each other.
It was almost a immediate change since we moved in. My boyfriend became pretty distant, to me it seemed like he didn't really like having me around. I tried giving him space and you know let him figure out his routine. His work was pretty busy, as was mine. I was burnt out from work maybe a month into us living with each other. My sex drive reduced.
We still had sex maybe once a week, and occasionally twice a week. But admittedly I did start getting frustrated because my partner initiated sex every day, even though I had mentioned to him that my sex drive has reduced and I'm not overly keen on sex right now. A lot of the time I felt obliged and wasn't really into it. He also had changed a fair bit, and the only effort he really put in, was to hace sex (and even so it wasnt much effort and I didn't orgasm 80% of the time)
I noticed he stopped really taking interest in my life, stopped putting effort in with my family, he would often be on his phone when I was telling him things, we stopped going on dates. He knows I appreciate having a meal together, so I try to plan my dinner with his but often he would eat without me. We didn't do anything for our one year anniversary, I did plan a dinner but I ended up cancelling it because my partner was disinterest and indifferent to it. He seems to only compliment me physically (either my tits or ass) and rarely anything outside of that. It almost felt like he started to resent me and I wasn't really sure why. A few days ago I had a pretty scary road rage incident where someone ran me off the road and threatened me with a knife. My boyfriend said he would help me with the police report because I was really distraught. He never ended up helping me, he also didn't really seem to care that this happened. It was a bit shit, I thought he would have some sort of concern in regard to it but there wasn't. I got mad and vented my frustrations about his huge behaviour change since we've been living together.
He told me he kind of checked out emotionally when I wasn't really keen on sex. (I'd like to add that my sex drive improved since I started working normal hours again, which was about 2 months ago, so we have sex about 3 times a week) Hes told me that he doesn't feel these things intrinsically naturally ( like caring when bad things happen to your partner). But I feel like a lot of those things come pretty naturally if you love someone
My gut feeling is that, he doesn't actually love me, and wants someone to have sex with regularly. He does take steriods as well btw. If I don't keep up with him sexually he just disconnects, I don't want to feel like I have to have sex to have a present partner that cares for me. I used to feel cared and loved by him but now its like he's someone else.
What does this mean ?
tl;dr Boyfriend seems like a different person since we've moved in together. Only puts effort into having sex. It's left me incredibly confused, as he was someone I considered caring, thoughtful and pretty switched on. Now it feels like he resents me if I don't have sex or stay happy all the time

TW: Mentions of domestic abuse, brief mention of eating disorders
(TL;D My sister has been selfish and narcissistic for as long as I can remember. Now that I'm moving back to our home town as an adult, I want to create a stress free, peaceful environment for myself in my new apartment. To me, that means that I don't want her coming over and I don't want to be around her more than I have to be. I've also been actively dodging her calls for the last month and will probably continue doing so when I get home. My mom thinks I'm being an AH and that I need to give my sis another chance. I think my sister has used more than enough chances in the time that I've been alive. AITAH?)
I (22F) do not really like my sister, Maggie (37F; fake name). Listen, I do love her, and I would never wish anything bad on her - but man, about 98% of the time, I can't fucking stand her.
Maggie's been through a lot: she's bipolar, done prison time, been through multiple physically and emotionally abusive relationships that have put her in the hospital, lives off disability, and is raising two children (10F & 2M). A good chunk of her problems are things that she will never be able to control, and I don't blame her for those. What I do blame her for is the fact that she continues making fucking awful decisions at the expense of her family (especially my niece and nephew), and then she blames everyone and every circumstance except for herself. She can also be mean and vindictive, and if you try to make her face consequences for her actions, she will gaslight the hell out of you, pull the pity card, and/or threaten you until you leave it alone.
I could go on and on about the shit she's done to my loved ones, but I'm going to try to keep this down to just what she's done to me. Here are some more recent examples of why I don't want to be around her:

• When I was in college her untrained, constantly off-leash, agressive dog scratched up the side of my car, and when I brought up that I thought it was fair that she help me fix it, she started calling me a spoiled golden child (for reference, I have worked since I was 14 and have been fortunate enough to pay for my first car, for my time in college, and for my housing since I moved out) and saying that I can deal with a little cosmetic damage. When I kept pressing that it wasn't okay for her get away with this, she threatened to throw my cat out on the street (he was staying with her until I could move him into my dorm room, but I paid for all of his expenses). I told her I would come get him then since I clearly couldn't trust her with him. She screamed at me then threatened to tell our mom that I had started smoking (like I'm not a full grown adult).
• She blatantly disrespected my wishes concerning my cat when he was staying with her (letting him outside AND leaving him out there for days, tipping his ear, feeding the special food I bought for him to her cats and having him eat the generic food she buys when her cats ate all of his food, etc.)
• She used to use me as way to get her ex-bf to stop being hostile, instead of calling the cops (because "he doesn't mean to hurt anyone"), because seeing me cry made him stop yelling at her one time. She would trick me into coming over by saying that she needed some help with my niece or that my cat needed me, when in reality SHE WAS INVITING ME INTO AN ACTIVELY TRAUMITIZING DV SITUATION INSTEAD OF GETTING HELP. This happened three times successfully for her, before the fourth (and last time that I fell for it), her ex ignored me pleading with him to stop and ended up shoving me down and out of the way to get to her.
• For the last year while I've been living out of town, she has only ever called or texted to indirectly ask for money, to ask for me to do something for her, or to complain about her life. I wouldn't mind her venting if she even remotely pretended that she wanted to know how I was doing too lol. For instance, when I was in a facility for a few week because of my ED, she CALLED PURELY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT A BURDEN HER CHILDREN ARE. No, "hey sis, how are you? Are you okay? I love you!"; just yelling and crying about how our mom won't let her leave the kids at her house for the 5 night in a row.

I know these things probably sound so trivial, but I'm just SO SICK of even the little things. This crap has been happening for as long as I can remember. At this point, seeing her name come up on my phone, makes me physically exhausted and stressed, and she never fails to make me depressed when I hear from her. I'm 22; all I want is to finish college and build a stress free life as an adult. So for the last month, I've been dodging her calls and texts, and when I move back to our hometown this coming week, I am going to do whatever I can to keep her away from my new apartment (I want it to be my sanctuary), even if it means not having any family there at all. I told my mom about my plan for my apartment and she thinks I'm being way too harsh and unforgiving and that it's rude for me to do that to my sister. She wants me to start fresh with Maggie and give her another chance. I don't think I need to do that! Why should I let someone into my life on a clean slate, if I know that they are going to immediately abuse my kindness? Am I the AH? Do you think there's any way for me to navigate a relationship with my sister without allowing her disturb my peace?
Really need some advice that isn't from family. I'm open to being wrong, but please be nice to me. Thank you in advance!

For context, I and my GF have been dating since January. However, I confessed my feelings to her in December. My GF recently told me that she only liked me back because she was scared that I was going to KMS if she said no (I was not). In addition, she explicitly told me that she couldn't guarantee commitment to me, as she was afraid she'd find someone better (her words) (she also did decide to commit to me!). The 3 months that we've been dating have been relatively fruitful, with both of us confessing deep feelings for each other. However, I find it difficult to trust her declarations of love as they tend to be highly extravagant and out of character for her. In addition, I feel as though there has been a continuous lack of effort from her front. For instance, we went on our first meal out 3 months into the relationship, despite me asking her every week to go. She often gave the excuse that she was too tired to leave the house, despite going out with her friends daily. Also, she seems to generally not care about my interests. For example, I love films, but she hates them. I spent ages trying to find a film I was sure that she'd like, however would not watch it with me when I asked. It seems as though she doesn't care enough to sacrifice her time. I read her favourite book to get to know her better, however, she said she would never read my favourite book. Something which also annoyed me was that I recently did some shopping for her as she had the flu - I bought her a week's groceries. When asked I told her that I did it because I knew she'd do the same for me. She straight-up responded that she wouldn't, which made me kinda upset. I do communicate my issues with her, however, she just becomes more intimate for like a couple of days then returns and excessively says 'I love you!'. When I asked her, she said she was a firm believer in the indication of love being about declarative trust, rather than actions. I don't know what to do! I am aware the above paragraph highlights all my issues with her in the relationship, but I genuinely do love her. She makes me smile every day and Is the only person in the world I can tell everything to. We also have a lot of fun together with a lot of chemistry. I just feel drained all the time. I'm aware that love is not transactional, but I do wish she'd change. I just want to feel love, not just told that I am. What should I do to enable her to do this effectively, as I don't want her change to again be artificial? Sorry for waffling so much, I'd appreciate any advice!

• She has been showing me more love recently, however, I constantly feel embarrassed that I put up with her behaviour at the start.

Hi everyone, I need your help with a delicate choice. Will try to give you a bit of context.
I’m a European (23M) researcher and I hold both a bachelor and a master’s degree in Finance. To make the long story short, back when I chose to study finance at university I made this choice as I was scared of pursuing my true dreams (pure mathematics), but now I started regretting that a bit. Don’t get me wrong I am very passionate about finance and I’m interested in continuing doing research also in this area and one day become a Professor; just I know that my true love is somewhere else. Now, my plan is to get a PhD in finance and in parallel (even if it will take a me several years and probably cost a good chunk of my mental sanity) earn a bachelor’s and a master in mathematics (just for the sake of it and for the additional knowledge it will provide me). Anyway, keeping in mind what I just told you, now I need to make a decision about what to do for next year. I received two offers (both in Finance, of course):

1. RA position at SSE (1 year) where I will gain experience. Advisor is a very (very!) well-known person of the environment and is quite “powerful” to boost my PhD application for next years. Basically I will be almost able to go wherever I want in Europe for PhD (but I am not interested neither in US or UK) and maybe aim at a quant finance PhD position (maybe?). Topic will be entrepreneurial finance. Downside: it’s not a PhD and I will have to wait another year before starting. Do not know how much mathematics is involved.
   
2. PhD position at KU Leuven. Advantage would be that I will start immediately my PhD and in 4 years have it completed. Topic of PhD is sustainable finance. Downside: I’ve worked only partially in my life in sustainable finance and I also know that it does not involve a huge part of mathematics.
   

I know these two are good schools in Europe but I do not know how to compare them (do you know which one is better). What do you think with respect to this? Also, what would you advice me to do in my situation?

'll keep this short and simple.
The other day I called my wife while she was at a store. When she answered the phone I said " I have a particular set of skills " ( which is a quote from the taken movie ). After that The conversation continued as normal. Later on that night, we were watching a new show we started not too long ago named "Atlanta". Randomly Liam Nesson ( main character from the taken series ) shows up in the show and said the exact same thing I said earlier to my wife, which was " I have a particular set of skills"!
The very next day while in the kitchen, I asked my wife when is the last time you found money. She replies with something simple that's not worth mentioning. Later that evening while driving home, I saw some something that resembled folded paper in the middle of the street. I stopped my car and went to go check it out. Turns out, it's was 180$ folded up jus laying there. To make matters even more weird, before I stumbled upon the 180$ I was just coming back from the store where I spent exactly 180$! Weird right?!
Last but not least, me and my wife were watching one of our favorite shows called " Psych ". I was explaining to her how I used to love watching this show as an teenager. While watching the show, the father in the show ( who was a dignified cop ) called out his son's name to come over. Nothing weird about this... except me realizing that WE SHARE THE SAME EXACT NAME! ( Me and the son!) This raises a flag in my head.
To make this scene even more weird, not only do me and the main character in my favorite show share the same name and I'm just now recognizing it but, my MOTHER is also a dignified cop with 15-20 years under her belt!
Can someone/anyone please explain what is happening here??? Also, Is there a way /method that I can try n use to tap into this unseen hidden quirk??
There are more stories similar to these that happen to us almost EVERYDAY for the past year or so but I'll stop here.

***I posted this originally in raisedbynarcissists but think this might be a better place for it
TLDR: I'm struggling to understand if my relationship issues are genuine concerns or my past influencing my perception. My boyfriend (29M) and I (25F) have been dating long-distance for 10 months. He initially talked a lot about our future, including plans to get a place together, but has since become non-committal and distant. Given my history with a narcissistic parent, I'm unsure if these are red flags or typical relationship hurdles. I'm worried he's "future faking" me. Any advice on discerning these issues would be appreciated. ___________________________
Sorry this is so long - It's clearly weighing heavy on my mind and I also have a habit of overexplaining myself due to my past. Believe it or not, this was my attempt to keep it short.
As someone raised by a single narcissistic parent, I (25F) have a lot of difficulty in figuring out if my perception is accurate or if I'm misinterpreting things. I've spent years working on this in therapy and have made progress in figuring out when I'm being treated poorly, specifically in platonic relationships, but have still a ways to go.
Recently, I've gotten into a relationship with my bf (29M) after having been single for 5 years. The person I've started dating proactively chased me during this time and I was clear that I wanted to be just friends due to concerns about long-distance, feeling overwhelmed with the interest they had in me without knowing me super well, and feeling like my boundaries weren't being respected. Over those 5 years, we developed a strong friendship/relationship and these issues resolved (except for the long-distance). I had a major life event happen in 2023 that had me questioning how much of my life I had lived in fear and avoidance. Simultaneously, this person was a huge support to me while I went through this difficult moment. I decided I was ready to pursue a romance with him and he agreed he wanted to too. So we started officially dating roughly 10 months ago.
In the beginning of our relationship, he would make tons of comments about our future together, talking about our kids, what life would be like when we're married, trips that we would take, etc. I was hesitant in the beginning to believe this, but slowly started to imagine this future too and would join in these conversations. I had never dated someone who so openly talked about a future with me and while it felt scary in the beginning, I started to feel like it was a beautiful thing and I was experiencing healthy love.
Back in January, he started to talking to me about getting a place in my city. Although we're long distance, he has to come to my city fairly often for business reasons and likes to extend his stays to spend time with me. I initially thought he just meant something for himself that he would stay in when he was in my city. This wasn't super surprising since he has an apartment in another city sitting completely empty and he was talking about getting a place in another city for when he'd visit before we started dating. To be clear, he has vast financial resources. Like hundreds of millions.
I was excited that he was going to get a place in my city, because I knew it would make him more comfortable when he'd visit and therefore make his visits more likely. However, he clarified to me a week later that he actually wanted to get a place for the both of us - where I would stay full time and he would stay when he was visiting. He was surprised that I thought this would just be his place. I thought about it and got excited at the idea (although I had some concerns about living alone for those periods he wasn't there - I've always had roommates and have loved it honestly).
Once I agreed, he said he wanted to start looking at places when he was visiting my city for a few weeks that February. I started to look at places online and have conversations with him about what we'd both want. February came, he didn't make any effort or mention of seeing places in person. My roommates started to ask me if I'd be renewing the lease with them or not and I told them I wasn't sure. I'd periodically bring it up to him and emphasize that we probably need to start looking and make serious progress on it. He would agree, but I wouldn't hear anything more about it. Finally, I told him I needed to give my roommates a final answer about it. He said that I should renew the lease with them so that we're not rushed into finding something and can find the perfect place. He said it was okay if the leases overlapped, assuring me that it wouldn't be a problem and he'd cover it financially. I was hesitant, but given his vast wealth, I figured this was just one of those rich people things where comfort is prioritized over wastefulness.
He has not brought it up since. Recently, I had felt some distance from him. He wasn't as communicative. He flaked on a vacation we were supposed to go on during my spring break at the last minute due to a conference he wanted to attend. He was vague about when he would be able to visit next, saying that I could visit him whenever even though he knew I was in school until May. He invited me to go to a friend's wedding in a far away state in late April, but said he figured I wouldn't be able to go because he knew I had finals. I decided to make it work by flying in for 48 hours despite having finals. While we were together in person, it didn't seem like anything was wrong at all. I decided to talk to him about some of these concerns and mentioned the apartment. He said that he wanted to find the perfect place for us and not stress about it. I told him that I get that, but we need to take action in order to find the perfect place. He said that there's no rush. I pointed out he said he wanted to start looking at places in February, so it seemed like he wanted to get a place fairly soon, but I was feeling confused because since those early talks, I've been the only one to talk to him about it. I told him that it felt like he didn't want to get a place with me anymore. He said that he does want to still but when he brought it up to me, he meant he wanted to get a place in the future and there's no timeline. In his head, it will happen eventually and I shouldn't be worried (????? WTF). Anyways, I decided to drop it and give him the benefit of the doubt.
He also early on told me how excited he was for when we go to his home country, how we'll go in the next year, how he needs to take me there. A week or two ago, an opportunity came up where he would be in a nearby country for business and I would be on a break from school. We talked about me going with him and then going to his home country after for a bit. Yesterday, I asked him about it and he started to express doubts, saying he's never taken a girl home before... Keep in mind: 1) I have already met his parents and brothers more than once. 2) This man has only dated one other person, and it was in high school. 3) This man has been talking about taking me there as soon as its convenient since we started dating.
I'm worried given my past with parental narcissistic abuse and having my perception constantly questioned/invalidated that I'm not able to identify red flags unless they're really severe or different from what I experienced growing up. Prior to this relationship, I always pursued men that were emotionally distant and whose love I had to earn because it felt safer (and mirrored my relationship with my absent parent). This is the first time I've dated someone who consistently showed interest in me. I thought this was healthier and that I was recalibrating my dating patterns, but now I'm starting to have doubts. I'm feeling like I can't trust his word anymore. I'm starting to wonder if he's been future faking me.
What do you guys think? Any tips on what I should be looking out for in the future? Or how you can know with certainty that there might be love bombing/future faking before things get worse? I don't want to find myself in a position years down the line in an abusive or toxic relationship and realize that there were signs I missed/ignored earlier on. I also don't want to ruin a happy and healthy relationship because I'm making mountains out of mole hills.

My husband [31M] and I [26F] met online ten years ago and did long-distance between visits until I was able to move in with him when I was 21. Looking back though, I'm pretty sure he may have groomed me (I was 16 and he was 21 when we started talking) but I'm not sure, I'm still working through alot of stuff tbh.
The months leading up to our wedding was when he became emotionally and psychologically abusive, he'd always had a bit of a short temper but now he was quick to deliberately say hurtful things when he got mad. He would throw and break things in front of me when his temper flared, and make threats to hurt me if I didn't stop pissing him off. Sometimes he'd scream insults at me so loudly my ears would ring and I could feel the bass of his voice in my chest from across the room.
He wouldn't give me space during arguments when I asked for it either, he'd follow me from room to room insisting we had to settle things right away; he'd claim I never cared about him if I didn't respond to him, and he'd swear to lock me outside overnight if I tried to go for a walk. He'd push me until I exploded and then scream at me for being such an abusive bitch. At least twice our neighbours called for wellness checks on me, he would apologise to the officers and we'd pretend that we had no idea our little argument had gotten so out of hand, but as soon as the door closed again it was always my fault; he wouldn't have behaved that way if I had just used my brain and not made him so angry. Its so twisted, the way I provoke him and then play the victim.
Three years of this and too many breakdowns later, I told my family everything I had been hiding from them out of shame and they got me out of there. I'm back home now, preparing to file for divorce but I can't stop feeling so dumb for how much time I wasted on him- and ohmygod, the moneeyy 😩 so much money on visas, travelling, care packages, post cards, letting him spend entire paychecks of mine on weed & video games to make him happy!! All for what?
I know I'm only 26 and I thankfully got out while still very young, but I'm so angry I wasted a decade of my time being a bangmaid to someones crusty, deadbeat son! All the life opportunities I turned down to sit on skype with him so he wouldn't feel rejected and get depressed; I didn't go to college after graduation, rarely saw my friends and never stayed out late to hang out with them, I haven't even learned to drive!! Talk about setting yourself on fire to keep someone warm 🤦‍♀️
It also haunts me how many red flags I brushed off before we were married that are perfectly neon now! 🤦‍♀️ The way he treats his mom on a bad day, how "all" of his exes were "crazy", the way he fiended over weed like a junkie, how he treated his cats when he was angry, the fact that his 'friends' never reached out despite living in the same area... it goes on. I can't believe the things I used to make excuses for just because I was infatuated with him, I'm so embarassed.
Short or long distance, man or woman, it doesn't matter; always be suspicious of older people trying to persue you- ask yourself whats 'wrong' with them that makes no one their own age interested, and why would they want someone with less life experience and maturity.
And always have a way to get yourself out of there if things ever go badly; be it a rainy day fund, a go bag in the trunk of your car, or having an emergency contact you can rely on to get to you in a pinch. Anyone who gets upset over you trying to protect yourself has something to gain from you being unprotected. A safe person who loves you would feel confident you'd never need to use your escape plan, but be glad that you had it anyway.
Thanks if you read this far 🌷

I personally haven't played any of the prior games in the franchise like many people here have, so I'm not able to make favorable or unfavorable comparisons to previous entries. (though I do play a lot of RTS's in general) Given that most of the people here seem to be looking at the game through rose-tinted glasses that either make them love the game for it's numerous callbacks and continuing the story, or hate it for removing beloved mechanics and simplifying the gameplay, or anything in between, I thought I would just give my opinion on the game as someone who doesn't really have any nostalgic bias or filter. And that opinion is...
It's alright I guess.
Personally my biggest complaint is that the game really doesn't seem to have enough content to justify the full $60 price tag. The campaign is fairly short, and it loses a lot of replayability once you realize what the AI is trying to do in any given mission, as it has fairly limited parameters within those contexts. There is only 2 factions to play, and they only play mildly different from each other. (According to the description Incarnates are supposed to be more aggressive I believe, but that's about it) Unit selection is anemic IMO, with around 12 or so ships per faction, at least in skirmish. There are more units available in War Games, though at the expense of capital ships not being available. (why they bothered restricting specific units to certain game modes I don't know) Also, 6 Skirmish maps that are all fairly small leaves a lot to be desired for variety's sake.
More technical critiques would mostly revolve around tactics effectively being non-existent as far as I'm aware. Most battles just devolve into brawls of throwing your guys at their guys and hoping your fleet was either more powerful or had more counters in it. Micro-ing specific targets and ship movements seem to be effectively impossible in pitched battles, and there doesn't feel like there would be a whole lot of reward for doing so even if it was possible. While every ship does have some sort of ability to "spice" them up a bit, almost all ship abilities are binary, with most of them just being a straight exchange of some stat for another. A rare few have an ability that just lets it do a unique attack, but nothing crazy good. The small maps just exasperate the frantic brawl that most fights seem to devolve into. Outside of the combat, the only real mechanics to speak of are the extremely simple resource gathering.
On more positive notes, the game is absolutely gorgeous, and the ships themselves feel satisfying to use despite their simplicity. Destroyers and Battlecruisers do genuinely feel like beasts being able to tank most things thrown at them and blasting away on all cylinders. Unit chatter (while a little dry in my opinion) is very well done, with ships speaking to each other organically mid-battle. Sound design is crisp, and overall the presentation is just great. Even the maps look great and tend to have some interesting features, even if they are fairly small. The controls are about as good as I could've expected for a fully 3d RTS game, at least on modern setting. And the ship design is really good IMO.
Overall, it's a solid foundation, but it needs to be expanded upon, and preferably could use some new gameplay mechanics or abilities to flesh out the combat which makes up most of the game. Even just bringing the price down to $30-40 would go a long way to improving my opinion of it.

Someone help me here.
I (34F) am one of many team leaders at my, let’s say, “maintenance” job. This means if I’m partnered with anyone, I decide how the job should be done per our company’s standards, or the customer’s. Of course, my partner(s) can weigh in their opinions, and I’m open to suggestions. Communication is key and I try my best to make sure we understand each other.
Background. My coworker “Tina” (early 20sF) does not like to take orders from anyone, and management is aware. She’s only been with the company about a month, but she knows how the job is to be done—or so she should.
Last time we worked together, she did something she wasn’t supposed to and purposely disobeyed me when I told her to stop. She kept doing it (I’ll leave in a comment what she did). I asked her again to stop. Same result. By the third time, I firmly said, “Tina, STOP.” She’s been cold ever since.
Today, we were partnered up, and I’m hopeful Tina learned to listen. Well, we get to a home I’m familiar with and say how we’re going to tackle the job. I get mumbled responses from her. Then she goes to do MY next task of the job, which is against protocol. I tell her calmly, “Tina, remember you have to do X because you did Y. I have Z.” She says she’s almost done anyway. Not okay, but okay. I’ll go do what SHE was supposed to do.
I go to do it, and she not only didn’t complete her first task, but she’s starting on mine. I tell her again that’s not what she’s supposed to do (and she knows it). She says “I’m just doing whatever.” I tell her she can’t just do whatever as that’s against protocol. She says, verbatim, “I don’t want to listen to you.”
To sum the rest up, she says I’m “mean” and “bossy”. I ask how, and she just says she doesn’t want to talk to me and starts crying. I tell if she doesn’t want to do her job correctly, she can go because I can’t have her holding things up when we’re on a tight schedule. She goes outside to cry.
I call the office and my supervisor comes to give us a talking to. I say my piece, Tina lies and just keeps crying when asked simple questions, saying she just wants to go home. Supervisor helps by “babysitting” Tina (Supervisor’s words) then later takes Tina to help another team.
At the office, I talk to our boss and manager to explain. Tina comes back with the team and we hash things out. Our supervisor went home, so she didn’t give the details she gathered. Tina goes on to lie again about not saying what she said, that I didn’t tell her xyz, crying and pouting and crossing her arms.
I maintain my neutral tone when speaking. Tina cuts me off saying, “See? She’s being bossy.” Manager and Boss say, “Um no, she’s speaking normally.” Boss asks how me giving orders per my job makes me bossy. Tina shrugs and mumbles IDK. Boss asks how we can fix this. Same thing. Boss prods for an answer. Tina cries harder and says, “I wanna go home” and storms out.
I'm confused. I speak to her like I do everyone else. AITA?

So … just found this tonight after I heard a heated “discussion” between the parents… I’m 23ukm live away from home but am visiting for a couple more weeks.
Background- parents married live together have 1 kid at home. always had troubles financially - we have never been well off, house troubles, cars etc - but mum salary 22k, dad is recently 36k but has been on 24-26 usually.
Parents have done everything to give kids and family everything and more than they could afford. The best loving family & I knew there was a little debt but oof.. turns out each of them weren’t aware of what position we were actually in.
Circumstances how this came about don’t really matter. An accumulation of giving and providing more than they could afford, spiralling. I’m only after a practical soloutions to help out with the situation.
Parents are currently approx 11.5 k in debt. 1400 council tax, 4500 overdraft, 1500 overdraft, 3500 credit card.
I’m sitting down with my dad tomorrow to look at what debts are the most urgent, what debts interest rates are, and where they can cut back to create a payment plan. Hopefully convince him to phone council to freeze and or other debtors if this is an option.
But if there’s anything anyone can suggest, please do. This could ruin the family in more ways than one, I aim to do my best to create a practical plan to save them financially, and otherwise.
Reddit. Always admired posts honesty and replies, never engaged much. Please help me out!

When I was 19 I got a tattoo in honor of my mom. Long story short our relationship was rocky through the years and she has now passed away. It's been years since I've really looked at it and I was kind of astounded at how poorly it has aged.
Now at 35, I'm looking for ideas on how to breathe new life into this sad design to commemorate how far I've come. I don't know if I want a strict cover-up or an adaptation. I'd love for someone to run with it for ideas to sketch.
My thoughts: 1. I love well done greyscale with maybe a pop of color 2. Design wise I like pseudo realistic without needing to be photorealistic 3. I'd like something to wrap around to my arm(s). I do have KP (chicken skin) so I'm not sure how that would take tattoo ink. The Internet is split when I googled it. 4. I'm a nature lover. I have a farm, I spend my time gardening. I do raise chickens and sheep but I'm unsure if I want that included. 5. I have thought about getting my farm logo silhouette and my "heart" dogs paw print but it doesn't necessarily have to be in the same design. 6. I don't really have a favorite flower but prefer wildflower types in general.
Are there other questions I should be asking? I don't have any local friends with many tattoos so I know finding an artist is going to be the hurdle but going in I want a sketch in my head of what might work.

(Scroll past the second spoil for the actual question/discussion point lol)
So I’m currently midway way through AUS S2, (episode 7 I guess now lol) and I’m FUMING. The faithful (episode 5 spoiler) are so dumb. And then though I have the gift of hindsight, I still think that Sam is so obviously a traitor. Just in actions and even in acting. Especially when you compare how ACTUALLY flustered Annabelle was when she was questioned and how Luke literally said “I’ve been quiet so far but I’m putting my neck out here” and (episode 6 spoiler) >! And how clearly anxious Sam was at the banishment. How does Keith and that other chick (I don’t even know her name, her and Keith just show up to vote horribly wrong at banishments and then stay off screen lol) keep saying “I wasn’t suspicious before this but now I am.” And then vote for them. Especially twice in a row when they’ve been wrong both times. !<
So anyways, my question is essentially, at what point, if it’s been between Person A and someone else the last 3-4 banishments and Person A has been staying, do you just forsake Person A and say “we’re blinded by A, let’s just get them out, regardless as to if they’re a faithful or traitor so we can re focus” because it’s always being between A and a random person who just decided to speak against A that night at the round table? I would think after the second time, obviously if I had the numbers. But it seems SO weird. Edit: Specifically Sam, at what point is it not worth keeping him??
Also, (episode 1-7 spoiler for traitor actions) Sam is really the only person I’ve seen do “stereotypical” traitor things. Bringing up random names (Ash) and saying “JUST TRUST ME” why did people not question it?? (also HOW does Sam get away with interrupting her and SHE becomes the rude person, and same thing with Annabelle, I’m VERY confused about how it turned around on her from the other blonde chick (sorry I’m bad at names lol)) but he’s also the only one (that I can remember) that actually did the “double bluff” getting like out to say “why would I do this?” Because like at what point do people say “why are you thinking so much like a traitor, like you have the answers prepared for this exact scenario? Did you plan this??” And again he’s ones of the only traitors I’ve seen that actually sabotages a silver challenge and without any incentive to do so either.
Overall, this season is entertaining in the sense that I’m VERY frustrated, if you couldn’t tell already lol. Without spoiling, will I ever feel true satisfaction this season or am I doomed to be frustrated ? Thanks for reading! I’m excited to read everyone’s thoughts.🥰