Pull up bar basment floor joists

TW: Alcoholism, drug addiction, violence, suicidal ideation, sex abuse
This is going to be a LLLLLOOONNNNGGGGG one. This story goes back quite a way, but yesterday was the tenth anniversary of the ending to this story and I'm feeling it, still got some guilt about everything that happened, wondering what I could have done differently and I just want to vent it out and hope to get some closure from it.
This story started in 2010.
Characters in this story (names are fake, duh!):

• Me, Guy, 32M at the time, 45 now.
• My BFF Stephanie, 33F at the time.
• Stephen, 40M at the time, Stephanie's boyfriend.
• Maryse, 27F at the time.

Background and intro
I had known Stephanie for many years and we had the kind of friendship that made her BFs and my GFs uncomfortable to put it lightly. We had never crossed that boundary and I wouldn't consider us in the friendzone, we were just friend, but the kind of friend where she would sit on my lap with her arms around my neck or her head on my shoulder.
At the start of 2010, Stephanie met her then boyfriend, Stephen. He tolerated me and my friendship with Stephanie because I also had a gf back then. She liked Stephanie, wasn't at all jealous of my friendship with her, so he didn't deem me too suspicious. Then my gf and I broke up for reasons unimportant and all hell broke loose for Stephen. He became convinced that I would try and steal Stephanie from him. He insisted that Stephanie introduce me to her female friends or female friends of his. Thus began what I called the year of the 50 blind dates. It was probably closer to 20, but still I like saying the year of 50 blind dates. Most of them were unremarkable and never went beyond the first date. There are some fun stories in there if anyone wants to hear them eventually!
In July of that year, I had to switch gears because I had to focus up and study for a professional exam for a certification important to my career. This exam required close to 600-800 hours of study over a 3-4 month period. So I hunkered down, told Stephanie to stop the blind dates for now because I had to focus on that. She respected my wishes and, other a text here or there, we went low contact for the last two months before the exam.
Except for one fateful night in September. Her birthday was in September and she always threw these big bashes at her house. She would throw a big pool party that started around noon and would go on to the wee hours of the morning. I knew she would harass me to go to her party, so I made some quick math and figured I would lose more energy and time trying to dodge her calls, texts and most likely visits at my place than by just going to the party itself. So when she called me to ask, I just said: "Okay I'll go to your damn party, now git." I texted her I would get there in the evening probably around 8. She texted back "Great, can't wait. Now study, bitch!"
So I ultimately get there around 8PM. Basically everybody is already drunk off their gourd. Stephanie sees me, squeals in excitement and runs to me in her bikini and just jumps in the air and slams into me, wraps her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist and gives me a big hug. I hug her back and just keep walking back to the pool where she had started, carrying her with me. I just duck my head around hers and say hi to Stephen, who just glares at me.
She drops back down and I give her her gift. We chat for a few seconds and says "There's beer in the fridge and food in the dining room." I told her I'd be right back.
I go inside and grab a beer from the fridge. I head to the dining room and the table is against the wall with a buffet of sandwiches, tomato pizza, salads, etc. I grab a plate and start putting food on it. I was focused on the task because I was starving. I barely noticed, sitting at the end of the table one of the most stunning woman I have ever seen. I just see her in my peripheral vision and I do a quick double take, quick glance at her and back to the food. I do that a second time. And finally a third time. At that point she is just straight up staring at me and I can't help but chuckle and whisper under my breath "Subtle Guy, sub-tle".
Thankfully she starts laughing too, saving me some embarassment. I look at her and greet her. She says "Hi, I'm Maryse and I'm guessing you're Guy?" I just nod and we start talking. At that point, I just thought I have no shot with her, she's so far out of my league that I'm just gonna talk to her until she sees one of the "models" hanging out by the pool and ditches me for him.
So I'm not feeling like I'm playing for anything, so I'm just myself and not nervous, just talking to her as I would any friend. We chat and she laughs at all my jokes, she gets all my cultural references. She never gets up or ditches me. The plate of food I had made and the beer I had gotten are sitting on the table next to me untouched, I was too busy with the convo to think about food or beer anymore.
After what felt like only 20-30 minutes, Stephanie comes in and tells me, fake grumpy: "So that's where you disappeared to. I invite my best friend to a party and he spends the whole night talking to someone else." I laugh and go: "What do you mean the whole night? I haven't been here that long." She says "Dude, it's 2AM. You've been here for 6 hours..." My jaw dropped and I just said: "Wow, time flies when you're having fun." Maryse chimes in, with a big smile: "It sure does!" That made me happy as you can imagine.
Now I was a little stuck because where Stephanie lived, there's no night service for the bus and the subway had been closed for an hour or so. I figured I would cab it. So I turn to Maryse and tell her: "It was absolutely lovely to meet you and I enjoyed our conversation very much." She says that she did too. I continued with "At the moment, my schedule is incredibly hectic. I'm basically working full-time, studying full-time and sleeping part-time. So I don't have a lot of free time, but if she was interested, whatever little free time I had, I would love to call her or text her to keep on getting to know her."
I see Stephanie in the backgroudnd, looking like a proud mama at how smooth that came out, knowing I was always anything but smooth with women, as proven by the string of blind dates! Maryse has a big smile and we exchange numbers. I go to Stephanie to wish her a happy birthday again. While I'm talking to her, my phone buzzes with a text from Maryse: "Just checking!"
I asked Stephanie "What's the best cab company to call in this area?" Maryse chimes in: "Where do you live?" I tell her where I lived and she goes "It's on the way to where I live, I can give you a ride if you want." Stephanie raised an eyebrow in surprise. I learned later, she did it because it absolutely was not on the way to her place, like, at all. I say that I would love that as it would give us a chance to keep talking.
We get in her car, driving to my place. We talk, she asks me what I'm studying as I hadn't mentioned it earlier. I tell her all about the boring maths I had to study. Much too quickly, we get to my place. She parks in front of my building and we keep talking. At some point, I tell her: "Normally, this is where I would try to "trick" you into coming up to my place..." She interrupts me: "You wouldn't need to trick me. I'm willing and able!"
I tell her that "As tempting as that sounds, I know who I am and I know that if you come up and things proceed to where they're going, I'm not going to be able to study for the rest of the month. I have a kind of obsessive mind and when I find someone or something I like, I can push everything else to the side in favor of that. So to make sure I can still focus on my studying, I have to go up by myself."
She looks at me, a little disappointed but then says, half-jokingly: "We don't have to go up, there's a backseat right there!" We laugh and I give her a kiss and wish her a good night. I managed to stay strong and go back to my condo. Damn it, why did I have to stay strong!!!
My exam was at the beginning of november. During the month of october, we texted a bunch of times and talked on the phone. We went for coffee a couple of times and dinner once. She respected my boundaries and never pushed for more, which I appreciated but also hated at the same time, if that makes sense. The exam came and it was a monster of a Friday. I slept for basically 18 hours after the exam as the adrenalin dropped and my system crashed.
I texted her when I woke up at around 1PM. She was working at the clothing store Stephanie owned. She said "I'm off at 5PM, wanna meet me." I said: "Duh! Why do you think I'm texting? ;)" So I met her at the store downtown. I asked if she wanted to grab a drink, go for dinner, or what. She proposed going to her place and getting some take out. Stephanie who was closing the store at that moment, came up to us and said: "Hey, so what are we doing?" I said: "WE, that is Maryse and I, are going to her place and getting some takeout. Bye!" I'm sure you'll understand when I tell you that no food was ever ordered that night!
Thus followed a whirlwind month of November where any free time we had was spent together, and I wasn't going to complain!
The troubles
By the start of december, things were still going great with us. One saturday night, we were having dinner at a restaurant and I mention that this coming Friday is my office Christmas party, that it's employees only, so we wouln't see each other that night. She tells me: "Oh sure, that's fine! It'll give me a chance to go see some girlfriends I've been neglecting lately." I said "Great! BTW I also got us a reservation at [this great restaurant she had mentioned a few times] for next Saturday, so we could go there and I'll tell you all about my party and you can tell me all about her night with the girls!"
That was settled, I thought. I was wrong. On Thursday, we had spent the evening together at her place and I was about to leave to go back to my place. She tells me: "So are you coming to meet me at the store tomorrow or do I go to your place?" I reminded her: "Neither, tomorrow is my office Christmas party and we won't see each other tomorrow." She said: "Oh right, I forgot." I asked her if she had made plans with her friends like she had mentioned last saturday. She said that they were all busy tomorrow and weren't available.
She suggested "If your party is boring, maybe you could come meet me." I retorted that it wasn't going to be, knowing who was going to be there.
"Yeah but what if?"
"But it won't"
"But what IFFFFFF?" she kept insisting and I kept saying no. After what felt like 30 minutes of that (probably only 2-3 minutes in reality), I had enough and just said to end the argument: "Okay, if it's boring, I'll come. but it won't be." She said: "Cool" with a big smile on her face. I came to learn that that smile meant "Challenge accepted".
The following night, my colleague and I were pregaming in a conference room before leaving for the party proper and my phone buzzes. Maryse was wishing me a good party. I replied. She texted me again. I replied. She texted again, but I was in a conversation with a colleague so I didn't reply or even look at the phone. My phone buzzes again. Still talking, and didn't want to be rude to my colleague. Another buzz. I just kept talking. Phone buzzes differently, she was now calling because I hadn't answered her texts.
"Why aren't you replying to my texts?"
"Hey, sorry, was talking to my colleague Patrick."
"What? you don't want to talk to me?"
"I am talking to you now."
"Why didn't you reply to my texts?"
"Because it would have been rude to my colleague to pull my phone out while talking to him."
"But you're talking to me now."
"Because I thought something was wrong, maybe it was an emergency."
"I wanted to talk to you, that's all."
"Well, gotta go back to the party. Talk to you later."
She kept texting and if I didn't reply right away, she would call after two or three missed texts. After about 2 hours of this, I stopped answering the texts. When she called back, I asked her: "Aren't you supposed to be working?" which started another round of guilt-tripping of "why are you asking me this? you don't want to talk to me?" At that point I had had enough and wanted to enjoy my party. I remembered that the Blackberry (no shaming old tech!) I had had an annoying feature, but I was hoping to put it to good use at that moment.
Whenever the battery would get really low, like less than 1%, it would let out an ear-piercing BEEP for about 3 seconds, reminiding you to charge it and giving you a heart attack all at the same time. It would do that even when you were in silent mode. It had happened a few days earlier when I was with Maryse. I figured, if I press a button on the Blackberry, it would make a beep too that could be heard through the phone. So while I was talking to Maryse, I pressed my thumb on the space bar for a good 3 seconds and sputtered; "what... the .... what?" trying to put on a somewhat believable performance.
She asked what that noise was and I tell her that it was my blackberry letting me know I was low battery and it might shut off any second. I told her "Listen I'm gonna wish you a good night, I'm having a good time at my party so I'll see you tomorrow at 5PM to go spend our evening together. I hope you have a good....." and hung up mid-sentence. I promptly shut my phone off and went back to the party. I concede that I may be a bit of an AH for that move.
The party was great, I got drunk much quicker than I expected owing to the fact that I hadn't had a drink in over two months because Maryse didn't drink so I didn't either when we were together, and we were always together. At 1AM, I went home and passed out on my bed.
This is another place where I may have been an AH. I didn't turn my cell phone back on and I unplugged my home line too, because I wanted to sleep the deep sleep of the drunkard. I woke up at around 1:30 PM, not knowing it was already too late. In my mind, I was meeting Maryse at 5PM to go out on the town that night. Maryse had other ideas as you'll see.
So like I said, I woke up at 1:30PM and was sticky with alcohol sweat, so I went straight for the shower to get clean again. While in the shower, my stomach grumbled with hunger and I started daydreaming of bacon and eggs. That pushed me out of the shower right quick. I dried myself off quickly, tied the towel around my waist and went to the fridge. No bacon.... booo. Looked at the egg compartment... no eggs... booo again. Okay then, how about a cream cheese bagel. No cream cheese, damn it. Look in the pantry, no bagels.... god. I was starting to get angry. Okay, cereals then. I pick up the cereal box, that mofo was empty and I get mad: "who's the idiot who puts the empty box back in the pantry?" I remembered I live alone.
I close the fridge dejected and see the grocery list stuck on the fridge, taunting me with everything I wanted to eat for breakfast written on it. But I felt like if I went to the grocery store hungry as I Was, I'm just gonna pay 600$ and not get one single healthy thing to eat. I then remembered there's a restaurant next to the grocery store that serves breakfast until 3PM. I get excited! I get dressed quickly, grab my wallet and keys, put my boots on, my coat on, wrap my scarf, my tuque and my gloves and go to the restaurant. If you notice, I didn't mention my phone in there.
I get to the restaurant and confirm that they still have breakfast and get even more excited when she confirms it. I order the "heart attack", at least that's how I nicknamed it: 3 eggs, 3 servings of bacon, 2 sausages, and, I guess to give one peace of mind, fruit (or to be precise, one single solitary slice of orange). Now that the food is ordered and coming I figured I would check if I have any messages. I pat the pocket where my phone always is. No phone. uh-oh. I start clutching evert pocket, no luck.
I wonder if I should go back home after the meal before going to the grocery store and decide against it, it would be too long a detour. So I scarf my breakfast down, rush through the grocery store. I get home and set my bags down in front of the fridge. I go pick up my blackberry. I turn it back on. The little tape icon tells me there are messages on my voicemail, at that time there were no red dots with a number in it to tell you how many.
I connect to the voicemail while starting to put the groceries away. The little automated voice tells me "You have 25 new messages." I pull the phone away from my ear, look at it in disbelief as if saying: "are you f'ing kidding me?" So I press 1 to start playing the messages.
Remember: Maryse knew I was at a party with a dead phone, no chargers and I probably wouldn't get home until 1AM. From 6:30PM, when my phone died, to 11:34 PM, when she went to sleep she left me 9 messages. BTW I know she went to sleep at 11:34PM because she left me a message saying "it's 11:34PM and I'm going to bed. Thinking of you." The 9 messages were in the same vein. These are the salient details, but the messages were all much longer.
She woke up at 7:15 the following day, I'll let you guess how I know that tidbit of information! She left me 5 more messages like those from the day before: 7:15 woke up. 7:35 going to take a shower. 7:55 out of the shower. 8:25 getting ready to leave for work 8:50 walking out of the subway to go to the store.
She leaves me another message at 9 that was different. She sounded very excited as if she had had the best idea in the world: "Hey it's 9AM, I'm about to start my shift. I know we're only supposed to meet after my shift, but what if you came and met me for lunch so you could tell me all about your party." I just did my best Scooby-Doo "Ruh-Roh" and chuckled that I blew that, not thinking the calamity that was awaiting me.
Another couple of messages to talk logistics: "I could take my lunch at 12 or 12:30, let me know which you prefer." "I'm taking my lunch at 12:30"
A slightly worried message: "It's 11:15 and you stil have not said if you were coming or not, are you okay?"
The first bomb goes off and I knew I was in trouble then: "Where are you? We're supposed to meet for lunch and you still haven't given me any sign of life, you're not answering your home phone either, what happened?" Reminder: we were not supposed to meet for lunch, she suggested doing so a couple of hours earlier and I never agreed to anything. I guess she told her colleagues I would meet her for lunch and it was now fact and could perhaps make her look bad in front of her colleagues.
The second bomb drops: "It's almost noon now, WHERE ARE YOU? Stephanie says you're probably sleeping off your drunk, but I don't believe her. I'm sure you got yourself a slut and cheated on me. Didn't you? didn't you, you asshole." Stephanie knows me very well, but that wasn't enough for Maryse it seems.
Ensued four more messages from 12:30 to 1:15, where she starts sounding more and more drunk and accusatory, spewing more attacks like in the message above. At that point I already knew it was over, there was no coming back from that. I can understand having trust issues, but that was nuclear. I don't tolerate jealousy because of horrible experiences with a couple of jealous toxic exes.
A final message comes in, and it's a different voice, that of my best friend being more than a little angry: "Hey Guy, listen, Maryse tells me you had a Christmas party yesterday, so I'm guessing you're sleeping off your drunk, still. But call me when you get this. I put Maryse, who's f'ing drunk, in the backstore so she can dry off and "do inventory". She can't be on the sales floor obviously and I just don't feel safe sending her home in the state she's in. Call me to tell me how you want to handle this."
At that point I had finished putting away my groceries and had put my boots and my coat on and was making my way to the subway to go to the store. I call Stephanie and tell her I got the messages and I was coming. She was right, I was sleeping off my drunk and had just woke up (didn't feel the need to mention the breakfast and grocery store). I ask her if she knows what I'm gonna do when I get there. She says that she knows and understands. She knows my bad history.
When I get out of the subway, I call her again before getting to the store. I ask her how she wants me to do this. It's her store and I don't want to create drama in front of her customers. Does she want me to wait outside and she tells Maryse to meet me in the street or do I go in the store and she takes me to the backstore and I do it there? She says to come to the store.
I walk in the store and every saleswomen on the floor looks at me and gives me the biggest case of the stink-eye. They only have Maryse's side of the story, so they think I did all these horrible things. I see Stephanie in the middle of the store and I walk towards her. She shakes her head and points me towards the cash register. I look over there and see Julia, a salesperson that I've known for a couple of years and really like, who also happens to be the biggest gossip in the store. I understand what Stephanie is trying to do. She's gonna make me tell her my story in front of Julia so Julia can spread the "good news" to the other employees and rehabilitate my name possibly.
So I get to the register and say Hi to Julia. She barely acknoledges me. Steph joins me. She asks me:
"How are you?"
"I was better an hour ago, before I listened to those voicemails. I had gone to our office party last night, had a great night, got drunk off my ass, got home at around 2 and woke up around 2."
Julia asks "Maryse told us you were supposed to meet her for lunch."
"No we weren't. I have a reservation for tonight at XYZ restaurant. I was supposed to take the day to do errands, stuff around the condo and meet her here at closing time. She suggested that it could be fun if I came at lunchtime to meet her, but that was never the plan."
Julia asks again "But why didn't you answer your phone?"
"It ran out of battery last night during the party and when I got home, I was so drunk that I forgot to plug it back in. I only plugged it when I woke up at 2. That's when the messages came in."
Julia asks "She says she tried calling your home line and you didn't answer and your machine didn't kick in."
"Yeah, that one's my fault, I knew I wanted to sleep and telemarketers have a habit of calling me early saturday mornings so I didn't want to be awoken by a call for a rug cleaning service, so I unplugged it yesterday morning, knowing I would be drunk when I got home and forget and be angry if I was awakened by a telemarketer."
Julia gave me a hint of a smile, showing me she was starting to believe me. She asked me a few more questions and then she asked what I was gonna do. I told her that whatever I'll do, I would tell Maryse first.
I looked at Stephanie and said: "Can you open the back store so I can go see her?" So we went to the backstore. As we reached the door, it swung opened and out popped Maryse, looking absolutely terrifying, I actually jumped back when I saw her. Her usual perfect makeup was completely smeared, her mascara streaking down her cheeks from the crying. Her hair was disheveled. She was a mess. Apparently, she had had enough of waiting back there and was planning on leaving the store to go home and had put her coat and boots on.
When she saw me, she went into an unhinged rant about me being an asshole for cheating on her, me not being great in bed, me not treating her right, etc. I let her vent everything she had to say, I looked at Stephanie and apologized for creating such a scene in her store. I tell Maryse we should go outside and talk in private. She keeps on yelling, but when I grab her hand to lead her outside, she follows.
When we get outside, her anger had started to wane a little, or maybe just her energy. I was able to talk to her to explain everything, how I had gotten drunk, had overslept (alone) and woke up at 2PM. I reminded her that we were only supposed to meet at 5PM not for lunch. The anger was leaving her and a smile almost appeared on her face. Through all of this I was being very calm and patient with her, which she interpreted as me not being mad at her. I then said in a firmer tone: "However..." and let it hang for a second.
The beginning smile vanished. I continued: "When you accused me of cheating on you, that broke me. That triggered memories of toxic exes who would always accuse me of cheating, not trusting me when I would tell them where I was, snooping on me, stalking me. Because of those experiences, I have a zero tolerance policy for jealousy. I told her that if she was behaving like after only two months of dating, it didn't bode well for the future and I have to protect myself."
At that, the tears started again and she just turned and ran/waddled away. I told her to wait, but she didn't hear me. I turned towards the entrance of the store to see basically all the employees and customers milling around the door trying to catch the drama. I went back inside to talk to my best friend. The mood had definitely changed and no one was giving me the stink eye anymore, but I didn't really care. I was just sad that it had ended, but proud of myself for having stood up for myself.
So AITA for getting drunk and keeping my phone turned off?
There is a lot more to this story and if you want to learn what happened afterwards, then read on.
The immediate aftermath
So I went back inside the store and talked to Stephanie. I told her that I had a reserrvation for XX restaurant and if she wanted to go with Stephen, she could take it, I wasn't in the mood for a dinner. She said "I already have plans for tonight, but thanks for offering." Julia said she would go with me if I wanted, but I just said that I wasn't in the mood to go out. I just wanted to crash and eat a pizza and get into a food coma.
Stephanie said she didn't feel comfortable leaving me by myself and I should join them at her house. They were having friends over to play board games and it could at least distract me a little. I said why not. So brimming with enthusiasm, I went to play bored games. I left early as I wasn't in the mood. I was feeling a little better, but still a bit down. I thanked Stephanie for the invite and left. I got home and just passed out on the bed.
I woke up at around 7AM the next morning and I saw along the corners of the window the tell-tale signs of a snow-drift and got excited as it was the first snow of the season. I pushed the curtains aside and looked on to see a beautiful white carpet outside. It was early enough that very few cars had marred the whiteness. I was admiring it when I noticed that, against the red bricks of the building across the street, there was a pink blotch. As I focused, the blotch became human shaped and I cleared my eyes enough to realize that it was Maryse and she was raising her cell phone to her ear.
On cue, my phone rings. I pick it up. Still sounding drunk, she asks me if we can speak. I ask her to give me five minutes to get dressed and I'll meet her down there. She asks why she can't come up. I say that I'm not sure I want her in my apartment. She says that it's cold out. I say: "Good, then this will be quick."
I get dressed and meet her outside. I'm still bleary-eyed from having woken up 5 minutes ago, but I try to get my wits together. I tell her that we're going to walk to the subway. It 's a 10-minute walk normally, but with her drunkenness, it might take 15-20 minutes. That's how long she has to tell me what she wants to tell me.
She wants to apologize for accusing me of cheating on her. She says she knows I'm a great guy and... I may be the A-hole at this point too, but I start to drift off in my little bubble and start daydreaming about, if I go back to bed, would there still be some residual heat or would it be cold? I could take a hot shower and warm the bed that way. I could still hear her in the background making excuses, saying how she had been cheated on, but I wasn't really listening.
During the daydreaming I notice it got quite quiet. I look on my left and she's not there, I turn around she's a good 5-6 steps behind me looking angry and she says: "you're not listening" I just say: "when you're right, you're right." I tell her that I understand she's been hurt too in the past, and I hope she can work to resolve her issues, but I was done and I'm going back to bed. I was a bit harsh there, but I was tired and still down.
I walk past her and get maybe 10 paces past her when I hear a scream coming from her. I turn around and I see her messing with something inside her coat. She pulls out a chef's knife with like an 8-inch blade. That wakes me the fuck up. Byebye bleary eyes, hello wakefulness. better than a cup of coffee or a red bull I tell you!
So she's got the knife, she's screaming something that I can't quite understand. She gets quiet and then she charges at me with the knife. If I'm being honest I could have stayed where I was and she probably would have missed me anyways, but someone charges at me with a knife, I'm gonna nope out of there. I take a massive side step and once she gets to where I was and realizes that I'm no longer there, she turns her head towards me and says heyyyyy.
At that point, I have a moment of clarity and see what's gonna happen. She's drunk running one way and looking another, I know she's gonna trip. As I predicted, she stumbled over her feet and starts falling to the ground. I start praying to god and anybody who would listen: "Please don't let her cut herself. I don't want to have to explain this to the doctors, EMTs and nurses. I don't want her drunk ass deciding to take revenge on me by saying I did it."
Thankfully, she winds up in a sitting position on the sidewalk holding the knife up and it was clean. Thank god for small miracles. She starts crying and, other moment of clarity, I know she's gonna turn the knife on herself now. I jump towards her and I realize I was right, the knife starts moving towards her left wrist. I tackle her, grab her right wrist and twist it so she drops the knife. I pick the knife back up and put it in my pocket. She looks at me crying and says: "Why did you stop me?"
I pick her up and take her back to my building. In my building there was a couch in the lobby, so I take her there and I sit her down and plop myself next to her. I look at her and wonder out loud: "What am I gonna do with you? What can I do?"
She goes: "Just let me go, I'll be good." I tell her that's not going to happen. I realize I have three options and I give her the three options.
"So here's the choice I give you.
1- I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted murder back there and they send the police to arrest you. I don't want to do that because that could derail your life and not get you the help you need. Besides, they might not do anything anyway as it's your word against mine.
2= I pull out my phone, call 911 and tell them about the attempted suicide back there and that you need to be placed on a 72 hour hold. I could do that, but at the same time, again it's my word against yours, so maybe they don't believe me.
3- I'm gonna hazard a guess here. From what I've seen, you have alcohol problems. So I'm gonna guess you were in AA, had been sober for a while, I want to say 6 months, maybe less, when we met."
She confirms my guess.
"alright so option 3, I'm guessing you had a sponsor in AA." she nods "we call them up and tell them about your relapse and what happened this morning. Can they come get you and take care of you?"
She takes her phone out and picks a contact and calls. She hands me the phone. Someone answers and I explain the situation. They said they were coming right away. I give them my address, they get here 15 minutes later. Maryse had fallen asleep in the meantime, so I wake her up gently and help her to the car. Off she went.
I went back to my apartment and just crashed back to sleep.
A month later
Mid-january, my phone rings and I see Maryse's number on there. I send her to voice mail. Another call. Voicemail again. 5 minutes later, Private number calling. "Gee I wonder who that could be." Voicemail once more.
Afterwards, I didn't get any unidentified callers for a little over a week. One afternoon, I was at work and my phone rings and it's a number I do not recognize. I pick up.
"Hello."
"Hi, is this Guy?"
"Yes, to whom am I speaking?"
"This is Hannah, Maryse's sponsor. we spoke last month." I started fearing the worst.
"Yes, I remember. How can I help you?"
"Maryse tried to reach you last week and you rejected the calls. I think it could help Maryse if you listened to what she had to say. You're obviously not obligated to entertain her, but I think despite everything that happened, you still care about her or you would not have called me that morning."
"You are right, I do still care about Maryse. I'm just not sure how good it would be for her to meet me this soon after everything that happened. I understand wanting to work through the 9th step and making amends, but..." She interrupts me.
"So you know about the steps."
"Yes I have friends in the program. which is how I could guess that she was in the program too that morning."
"You know it's important."
"I know. I know. How about this: we meet in public at a cafe, you would have to be there. Not necessarily at the table with us, but nearby in case she needs help, in case meeting me causes her pain. Tell her I promise to be in a more receptive mood than I was that morning."
So we make an appointment for that saturday afternoon.
I get to the coffee shop. She's already there, and so is her sponsor. I realize happily that she's not wearing makeup. I say happily because that means she understands that this is not a date, but something serious. She's still stunningly beautiful, and I feel sad almost right away.
I grab a coffee and go join her at the table.
"Hey" I say,
"Hey. So this is gonna be uncomfortable, but thank you for agreeing to meet me and for coming, I appreciate it more than you know. I'm sure you heard I quit the store."
"I have, I'm sorry about that, I hope you didn't do it just because of me."
"No, I needed time to focus on myself for now."
She proceeds to tell me about how I wasn't far off with my guess. She had been sober 4 months when we met. Now she had 39 days. She tells me that in AA, if you are single, they recommend not dating anyone new for at least the first year of your sobriety as it can cause issues, similar to what happened with us. I was like her "drug" and as long as I was available, she could get her fix. But the moment I wasn't available all hell broke loose, and that is what led her back to drinking that day.
I told her I'm glad to see her back sober again this quickly and I hope she can get all the help she needs from it. I ask her if she wants to talk to me about her drinking.
She starts to share a story about how she started drinking at around 11 years old. When puberty hit her, she got into a deep depression because the sexual feelings she was starting to feel were triggering responses. As a child she had been abused by two of her uncles repeatedly and her parents never believed her. They accused her of trying to make herself interesting. That was until they caught one of those uncles red-handed.
They finally believed and took the necessary steps to protect their daughter. But they were poor and they couldn't afford therapy. So she never really got help for it. At 11, she started self medicating the depression with alcohol. When alcohol wasn't enough, she added drugs.
At that point, I was full on crying. She asked me if I wanted her to stop. I told her that she doesn't have to stop. That the tears are there because that was one more thing we had in common. I was also a survivor of sexual assault as a child. In my case, it wasn't a family member, it was only a stranger, so it only happened once. But I also self-medicated with alcohol at the onset of puberty, switching to drugs later on too. I was lucky to avoid the pitfalls of addiction, but I was still dealing with my demons, slowly making peace with them.
So there we were, sitting at a coffee shop, both crying and holding each other. I tell her that I think it's great she's getting help for her alcoholism and addicion, but was she doing anything to help with the underlying issue, the original trauma? She said no, she couldn't afford therapy. I tell her that I am a member of a survivors group and if she is interested, I could get her into a meeting and perhaps learn to heal that part of herself too.
She said that she could give it a try. I tell her I have to talk to the other members to know if I can bring someone new and I would let her know. If they said yes, we would go to her first meeting together, I would introduce her and then we would coordinate so that I never went to meetings where she was. I wanted to do that because I wanted her first few meetings to be about healing and I didn't want our own history to be intertwined or mixed in with that.
After that, we left both feeling content and, while not necesarily happy, at peace if you will. Later on, I contacted Stephanie who was one of the "pillars" of the support group (that's how we met) to ask her if it was okay for me to bring in a new member to the group. She said sure. She asked if it was anyone she knew. I told her she would have to meet her at the meeting if she decides to come.
We were having a meeting the following day. I called Maryse, told her the time and place, and she said she would be there. She came to the group meeting and was shocked to see Stephanie there but Stephanie kinda guessed that it was Maryse I was referring to.
I introduce her, we start sharing stories, talking about how we're feeling, etc. The meeting was good and Maryse liked the vibe. So for the first six months after that, I never saw Maryse and we planned which meeting we would be attending to ensure we didn't cross paths. She started feeling much better.
After maybe 2 and a half years, she finally felt ready and she started dating again. She met someone and she fell for him. They were together for about six months, she looked happy. Unfortunately after about six months, she caught him cheating on her. We tried supporting her, being good friends, cursing his name, doing all the things we could to make sure she didn't relapse. But on April 5th 2014, she ODed on heroin. She was hospitalized for 2 weeks after that.
Hannah took her in and she set up a room for Maryse. She was still in a fragile state, so a group of her friends and I started taking turns watching over Maryse, making sure there was always at least one person there with her to keep her company.
Despite our vigilance, on May 14th 2014, when Hannah was out running a quick errand, she was gone maybe 15 minutes tops, Maryse found a way to cut her wrists and she died. We found a note saying that "the OD was not an accident, and neither was that. Thanks for everything you did for me. I love you all, but I can't do this anymore."
It feels good to write that story (I'll just ignore the fat tears rolling down my face!). Thanks for reading this far and sorry for the long story, I just started writing and couldn't stop. I apologize if it was a bit of a bummer.

This is a long read sorry!
Hi, I (22F) literally just joined, I have been on reddit for a while now, I post here or there but I really need the grace that only reddit seems to have, kisses but you know it's true. So, I guess, I am screaming into the void, because the truth is I am so gutturally confused.
Like the title says- I have always fantasized of being a flower child, a changeling, of turning towards the corner of the yard, the woods beckoning me to run away, the gentleness of which the coyotes would pick my bones clean. My childhood felt like a house fire only I could see.
My father's nightcap of whiskey got less and less watered down as nights were uncomfortable to spend on the family room couch. The one that he fiercely protects, once threatening my friend who mistakenly lounged in his spot. My mother's love felt scarce, a luxury only my younger sister could afford. Between that and her ambition to become the first nurse and college graduate of both families, I was more of my father's daughter. My younger sister and I were doll-like children, meek and polite to the price of our own dignity and self. To give a brief snapshot of what it was like being raised by them \~ even though "I'm remembering it all wrong, or not at all" I will try to go in chronological order, but you can quickly see most of these were not isolated incidents and I jump around:
-daily spankings because of crying during daycare drop off (fair technique)
-tricking us out of the "broken" car, in the rain on a dirt road "get gas" and proceeded to speed past us laughing as we ran after his taillights in the mud, we were in another country, on a solo trip with just our dad, we were both elementary school age.
-In elementary school and 6th grade I lived in a sweatshirt because when I hit puberty. I pleaded to my mother how hard it was to hear my father's constant comments about my womanhood and new body. He started to compare me to a hooker around this time, calling me a slut for trying to wear what my friends wore to school- leggings, shorts shorter than the knee but not offensively short I promise, though I strongly feel as clothing does not mean consent.
-For as long as I can remember, he would take pictures of us when we looked embarrassed then show it to family, friends, whoever in conversation in front of us then scold us when we inevitably felt bad or asked him to stop. He would also promise to delete the photo but would continue the previously mentioned above.
-So far, I have just been harping on my father, but the truth is they are a match made in hell, and though I feel like my mother is a victim in her own way. It was very hard to exist without their constant horrible comments about my appearance and character. They both shamed skinny children to be thinner, critiqued my body through puberty, and felt entitled to touch my body when and how they wanted. Examples include my father's frequent ass grabbing, and then allowing his adult male friend to do the same.
-They both would ridicule me for working minimum wage jobs in high school, while my father funnels out of my sister and I's joint accounts, only when we confront him does he fess that he required the money we earned for ourselves for the "mortgage". He continues as well as set monetary account goals, right before trips or plans, he would always be surprised that we had managed to scrape together enough money. He expects me to find a place that will fire and schedule me on a winter vacation, or to amount 5k in less than 3 months, while paying for my own necessities, thank you for teaching me to live on frugality as a means of survival.
-The name calling I touched on, but I would be the first to come home from school, my father would take his lunch to come home and berate me verbally of how much of a loser I am and will continue to be. The verbal arguments were daily, I fully admit to yelling back but in truth I couldn't leave his spewing red face hurling threats, I had to stay glued in place until he had his fill.
-Another solo trip with my father and sister, my mother had cleaned my room while we were away and had found my treasures- vapes, two beers. I got pulled out of the running shower to be beaten on and off through the night whenever my father took a break from tv, my sister sob in the room with my father to stop and I sat on the couch until morning. We had a tourist excursion the next day and I got it again before we left because I was not to "ruining the rest of his vacation with my bad attitude"
-They locked away my childhood cat, sick with cancer, to die alone in the basement so she would ruin their floors with her incontinence. When she passed, they did not tell me, they buried her in the woods behind our house, I wish I could lay beside her, I'm sorry little one.
-My father would come home and yell at me for not having dinner ready for him, because when my mother worked late or was not home, the next one responsible for dinner was my younger sister or me.
-He physically corners us or refuses to let us leave. Threatened my life when I tried to leave the house during an argument.
-Put his hand through the door a couple of times because I “gave attitude” by responding with ok. Readers, please note I am capable of attitude, but this was not the case, I was scared, and I just wanted to give him whatever answer he wanted
-I'm a summer birthday, so for my big 21st I had my cousin, bf and sister have a pool party in my parents' pool. No one told me the plan all day. I was told to just relax by everyone, because normally I would be running around serving people or helping my parents. No one told me anything, so we played some games in the yard, had some wine coolers and then swam. My father flies outside and starts yelling at me from the side of the pool to get my ass out and blow out my candles because he needs to drive my cousin 20 minutes home each way. So, I blew out my candles, soaking wet staring daggers because my father has always managed to underplay or make me feel bad on my birthday too? Another grievance from my 21st birthday is that my father grilled frozen steaks, and I truly do not want to seem like a stuck-up princess, but he proceeded to buy 300$ of food from my favorite restaurant and his favorite food is steak not mine. Note his birthday is the next day following mine.
I may post in regard to the tribulation that was my childhood in this thread again, but it takes a lot out of me, and I have already had myself a day sorry. Now you're all caught up and I just want you to know-
I have long ruminated over my own words and actions; though I have many regrets I do not feel ashamed of my choices or who I am because I try to treat everyone with kindness and most importantly respectability. I know the lengths my immigrant parents have gone through to build themselves a life. I know the struggles my father had with his father, the alcoholic who raised him with cruelty reserved for not even a barn animal. I know that my mother lived in the shadows as a neglected middle child hoping to find someone who realized all her good in the way her parents did not. I can see and understand that I carry the same wounds, and now it is within my responsibility to be better.
So, my relationship with my parents is strained right now. I have been in low contact with my mother and father for nearly four years, with periods of better contact. We have tried therapy, though it's difficult as my mother uses this as an opportunity to explore her wounds rather than our history or relationship. Though the therapist was helpful in directing the conversation back, I believe that the work can only happen with the person wanting to actually work on themselves, so I feel like I am at a frustrating impasse.
Every time I feel like I can take out a brick between the wall I keep between us, my mother will say something that makes me build another layer. I try not to be sensitive, yet I know my mother likes to cut with her words, though she claims otherwise. In a recent conversation my mother admitted that my father and she spent a great effort in making sure my beauty did not go to my head and did this in order to keep me humble.
For context, my mother’s side of the family does not like my father, and this along with other childhood issues festering into adulthood drove a wedge between my mother and her younger brother. His recent divorce and my mother’s empty nest have given them much time and space to rekindle their sibling relationship. So on our already strained phone calls she hits me with these metaphors of her brother and her relationship to ours. Am I off for thinking that those are two very different relationships, yet both have.. Jealousy? Furthermore, I feel a looney because I am fighting to keep them in my life, and they are fighting to be right.? To be absolved of the guilt and shame that maybe they did do the wrong thing.?
What gives them the right? When we all have to lay away at night with our guilt you want me to hold yours? I want a mother and they want a guiltless soul
Truthfully, I do not know what kind of future lies ahead for us. I think I grieve having bullies instead of parents, of what I missed out on and who I could have been. Like I said I am low contact right now, but after a normal phone call talking about the weather and our pets today, I had an anxiety attack to the point I fought to stay conscious. This has not been the first time I have fainted due to anxiety, mostly surrounding situations that remind me of them or things they punished or did to me in the past. The day after I wished my father a happy birthday after a year of no contact, I got two pills of ativan to the face after a ER visit in which they thought my poor bf was trafficking me. Though this is maybe too much, I am always sweating, my sides literally pour, my hands shake, and I can string together a sentence if I try. I feel like a different person, a moist, meek person.. which is not me, I self tattoo and pierce, I can and have tackled an attacking dog and I have punched touchy men square in the nose. I’m tough because I fought tooth and nail to be kind and gentle, we rescued cats and recently a possum, and we let out spiders and bugs, so our cats don’t terrorize them.
Here’s the thing… we’re getting married!
We’re tying the knot in the woods at the end of May, but I feel like an asshole because I have not told my parents. They know we’re engaged.
My mother, in a recent phone call, told me of this travel nurse that she had gotten close to, that was getting married soon, and invited my mother to go dress shopping with her. My mother told me how sad this girl felt that her family was all the way across the country, coincidently much like we are. This felt like she was guilting me, but she went so far as to send me a picture of a couple, I didn’t verify who it actually was.
Another issue is I am dealing with the guilt of getting a ring and bands elsewhere. My father is a high-end jeweler whose work has been showcased by celebs, my whole life I heard that my father was going to design and make my engagement ring. After long consideration, we picked out a ring from Madrid that felt more like me. When I look at my wedding rings I want to think of my husband not my father. I am more than happy with anything else, rings for other occasions, but it makes my skin crawl and my stomach curling because part of me feels as if it's more of a collar than a ring then.
My mother wants to meet over memorial weekend, she wants me to fly out a day to visit before I’m getting married.
I do not know if I should facetime them and break the news before, after or invite them. It’s already last minute so airfare will be expensive, but I know they are going to be so heartbroken. Part of me does not want them there either because I have felt alone my whole life, I figured I would do my wedding the same way, though it's hard because my fiancé's family will be there, and I will have no one. I wish I could hire a friend... lol typed that with a tear in my eye that's ironic.
Suggestions please

Repost to fix rule errors. From ASOS, after Jaime sets Tyrion free. This may have been noted before. Basically, Varys led Tyrion to that exact spot and knows the precise distance to the Hand’s chambers. He also killed Kevan Lannister to clear Westeros of any powerful or competent challengers. His pleading with Tyrion is rich, considering that he “poked” Tyrion in the eye by pointing out that the Hand’s chambers now belong to his father and not him. It’s such a pleasure to see all these things on a second read through!
Something niggled at Tyrion for a moment. Then it came to him. This is the place Shae told me of, when Varys first led her to my bed. "We are below the Tower of the Hand." "Yes." Frozen hinges screamed in protest as Varys pulled open a long closed door. Flakes of rust drifted to the floor. "This will take us out to the river." Tyrion walked slowly to the ladder, ran his hand across the lowest rung. "This will take me up to my bedchamber." "Your lord father's bedchamber now." He looked up the shaft. "How far must I climb?" "My lord, you are too weak for such follies, and there is besides no time. We must go." "I have business above. How far?" "Two hundred and thirty rungs, but whatever you intend-" "Two hundred and thirty rungs, and then?" "The tunnel to the left, but hear me-" "How far along to the bedchamber?" Tyrion lifted a foot to the lowest rung of the ladder. "No more than sixty feet. Keep one hand on the wall as you go. You will feel the doors. The bedchamber is the third." He sighed. "This is folly, my lord. Your brother has given you your life back. Would you cast it away, and mine with it?"

It's me again. I thought since my last story was a sad one I'll post another that's not sad but I may be the AH.
My parents foster sister and my brother all went on a road trip. We did a lot of road trips this is just one out of many. Zera will be the name for my foster sister and Leo will be my brother and of course my wonderful parents Jenny and Lee.
One summer when I was 13 yrs old we went to visit another brother of mine in Louisiana. They lived not to far from New Orleans.
We went to New Orleans for dinner at a seafood restaurant. But where we went was on a strip that absolutely no cars were allowed and only people walking with a few bars that had motorcycles parked out front. Zera said oh look at these bikes. She is walking right up to them putting a finger out to touch. I said DONT TOUCH.. she did and these things started to fall like Domino's and I yell RUN. We were falling a little behind the family group so we caught up and then bikers came out and looked around and were obviously very pissed. I don't blame them. We get to the restaurant and while sitting there the bikers came in asking if anyone saw anything of someone messing with there motorcycles. My throat dropped into my stomach. But they left cause no one saw or said they did at all.
The two days after that we went to Alabama to a Phoenix five hotel very fancy thanks to my oldest brother. He makes bank. We where on the 13th floor with a balcony looking out to the ocean and beach also could see the hotels pool. People looked like ants. So the next day I met a couple kids a girl around my age also with my same name but spelt differently and her brother. As I'm swimming in the outdoor pool with them Zera comes up to me and shows me this long red narly looking burn thing wrapped around her arm and says a jelly fish stung me so I grabbed it and threw it as it left a tentacle on her and she ripped it off. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I couldn't help but laugh. So that night was one where the blue craps were mating on the ocean and the boy I met asked if I wanted to go with him to see them. I said sure as long as it's ok with my mom. So I asked and of course she said yes and then asked how old the boy was he was 15 so ya she said ok have fun. As I waited in the lobby for him Zera is bugging me begging to come with me. Finally I broke down and said fine. She never liked the fact that boys would pay attention to me. Doing more stupid things to get there attention. Any who we were walking on the beach watching all these beautiful dark blue crabs all over the beach with our flash light. Zera decides she wants to pick one up and proceeds to pick it up from the front. She knows better then that due to us crawfish hunting back at home. He then stops her and she finally holds it after he picked it up. She puts him down and starts to walk away and he comes up to me and asks. Does she have problems. I just replied with yeah not the brightest of the bulbs.
The next day we head over the state border to Florida so my mom could get her collectors magnet from the state just to finish her magnet map. We are at this little beach like shop they was selling hermit crabs. On their cages it says don't not put fingers in cage. And what does Zera decide to do put her finger in the cage. I'm looking at a rack of t-shirts hoping to get one and I hear this blood curdling scream. I look towards the scream and see Zera running through the store with a hermit attached to her finger as she flings her finger around trying to get it to release. The greatest part was the employees chasing after her telling her to stop running and they can help. The employees got the poor little guy off her finger and it was all good after that. We left very promptly afterwards.
We go on the road again the day after that as my oldest brother went back home we proceeded to our home doing a big loop in the states making a stop in Memphis Tennessee due to my mom being a big Elvis fan she want to go to the Elvis museum. We are walking around looking at all this history. We come up to this huge bronze statue of him with a sign stating don't touch the statue. My mom wanted us to take a picture in front of it as Zera put her arm behind and around said sign. Loud alarms start to Blair and I put my hands up saying it wasn't me, I didn't do it.
We finally get home and I made so much fun of her and would laugh at her cause I know she is smarter then doing all that. Eventually she started to laugh with me. But when I talk about this road trip I laugh and people look at me and say I'm horrible for laughing at her.
AITAH for laughing at Zera's misfortune?

Yesterday I bought a new Chevy 2002, it had ABS yellow light on and the red BRAKE light on.
The pad breaks work flawlessly, but the ebreaks don't work, I realized I was driving while they were "supposedly" pulled up/on. There is a tiny sensation of wheel barring on one of the front wheels too.
This is my first car ever, i will go to a mechanic for an inspection from the description alone how much should I expect to pay in repairs.
I got it for 2.400

Hi everyone, To explain, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I love my girlfriend, this is our first adult relationship together, so a lot of these things were new to us during it. I don’t want to sound cocky but i’d like to think i’m a pretty handsome guy, and my girlfriend hates the fact that i’m attractive to other girls. She constantly compares herself to my exes and girls i’ve talked to in the past. Shes always been extremely jealous, she does not like me talking to other girls and or working with girls, constantly says i’m a flirt or that i have other gfs etc. Has told me that i’m probably hiding stuff from her or that I would cheat, Then she says it’s a joke which I know it’s not. She does not like me having any female friends either (which I don’t have any) and gets very upset if I do happen to talk to a female. She will full on ignore me and give me attitude and just be plain out disrespectful towards me as if I cheated on her. She also gets distant and bothered If I hang out with my guys for the night, even tho I never hit the bar or drink with them. One instance is I pulled up a famous singers page to play music, “you find her attractive don’t you?” I don’t answer this question because I know what it’s going to turn into and sure enough she starts probing and asking and asking and finally I just admitted. I had never seen her so upset, again she made it seem like I cheated on her she was furious. I kept trying to reassure her but she would push my arm away and say “ don’t touch me”. She ignored me for the whole night. I try to be as respectful as I can to her and respect our boundaries, but I feel like even that’s not enough After that I snapped and we got into an argument, where I told her she was insecure and had major trust issues. She said that was the meanest thing I could say to her. I really started to wonder what i’m doing wrong, and then I started to ask if it is even my fault ? Is this really what I want for myself? Now I’m here wondering if this behavior is normal in a relationship. I’ve never had a long term relationship up until this one so I wouldn’t know and I would really appreciate everyone’s input, I always try to make sure she is happy and i feel like i’m putting myself last because of it.
Am I overreacting or do I have a right to feel this way?
TLDR: Girlfriend constantly doubts me, thinks i’m cheating, gets extremely upset if i talk to another female and is disgusted that I think other women are attractive. AIO for telling her she’s insecure ?

Per Sam and John’s request on Livestream… Background: My parents had been married over 30 years, they had gotten together in the late 80s and married when my mom (now 67) was diagnosed with cancer. This resulted in my adoption a few years later since mom couldn’t have kids after the chemo. Fast forward to 2019 and I (29f at the time) am getting ready to fully move out (i stayed home for a while bc after college I became my grandparents caregiver until they both passed). I had spent all day looking at apartments and was exhausted so I announced I was headed to bed early. My father (70 at the time) also announced he was going to bed too. Now it wasn’t unusual for him to go to bed early but I had noticed him taking his VR headset into bed several nights in a row after stopping in his office. I had had some suspicions of what was happening but also didn’t want to know bc…well ew! But that night as I laid in bed I could hear moaning coming from his office and was confused. I went in and saw an open to what I am pretty sure was an OF page or something to that extent with a bar across the screen reading VR active. I was already sufficiently grossed out and then head the woman on screen say my fathers name and knew this wasn’t just some downloaded porn but some kinda personalized video. No longer sleepy I went back downstairs and sat with my mom (who was sleeping downstairs bc of an injury) and gently tried to lead her in the right direction, “isn’t it weird that dad goes to bed with his VR set when the charger is not in the bedroom?” Mom kinda brushed it off at the time but now the cat was out of the bag for me and a few days later I not only heard the moaning again but earlier that day I was printing an application off his computer and I noticed a not well his folder labels XXX. Why I did this to myself I do t know but I clicked it and there were HUNDREDS of saved videos and chat logs with his favorite cam girl. When I heard him on the VR again I couldn’t handle it bc I could hear him too so I went downstairs and asked mom if she thought about what I had said days prior. She shrugged and said that whatever he is doing is his business. I then dropped the ball “even if he is paying for explicit videos from a cam girl?” Mom was obviously taken aback but again brushed it off. “Well…I guess that’s understandable. He hasn’t slept with me since I had chemo.” Meaning they hadn’t had any sexy sleep time since before I was born. I was floored but she told me to not mention it. But about a week later I found her sobbing. I asked her what was going on and she said that she felt betrayed at my dad sneaking these videos and paying for them without even attempting to be with her. I asked why she didn’t initiate and she said after chemo and everything it physically hurt to have relations. She tried several times over the years but eventually gave up trying and my dad just never tried after she told him it was painful. So I comforted my mom and she did eventually confront him about the cam girl and the video collection, which he denied and I had to tell him he didn’t mute the computer and I saw the video file and two videos at least. He got angry at me for snooping. Mom yelled at him to not try and turn it on me, and at some point asked “when did you stop caring about me and loving me” and the AUDACITY of this man to say “don’t ask me that because you won’t like the answer.” Mom now lives with me and my partner in our apartment. Father lives back in his home state near the kids that were actually his. His oldest daughter (from his first marriage) told me I was a bitch and entitled for taking my mom’s side (along with many other awful things but that’s for another post) and called my mother a bad wife for not standing by her husband. I am now no contact with my sister and ultra low contact with my father. We are struggling a lot, but mom is doing better (with plans for therapy now that her health care covers it finally), I am in therapy as well, and am happy with my partner whom my mom and two cats adore. Next step…set mom up with our favorite old man, John lmao! 😂

He broke up with me less than a month after I made that post… found out that he was talking to his friends and family about me, basically I am not good enough for him and my only redeeming quality is that I am pretty, he kept comparing me to his ex best friend and saying that he needs to find someone like her that’s attractive like me…
Right after I made that post he started avoiding me, refusing to sleep in the same bed as me so I was sleeping on the floor and couch, if I refused to not sleep elsewhere he would go sleep in his sons room in his bed.
Because of all of this I started trying to make arrangements to move out but then all of a sudden that wasn’t what he wanted? He practically begged me to not leave. He was still avoiding me though.
Around March he started to “warm up” to me again. He wouldn’t really talk to me about anything though, still single.
It’s now May, I am still single and he still is telling me “no” when I try to open up conversation to “officially” end things (we are basically a situationship, good enough to fuck but not good enough to be with romantically)
This whole thing has brought me so much emotional turmoil, I’ve tried to be understanding but I have a lot of resentment and I don’t think there’s any fixing that can be done.
Ya’ll, I’m so sad. Things were so perfect until they weren’t. I don’t think my self esteem has ever been brought this low by the hands of someone else. He hates everything about me and I got to read it all, he compares me to every non-family female in his life and guess what, they’re all better than me. But he won’t let go of me? Part of the reason I am still living with him and haven’t pulled the plug is because of how he is going to react. I can barely handle my emotions as of right now, I don’t know if I’d be able to follow through when he has a meltdown over it (I know he will, he’s done it before) I’ve honestly have thought about just leaving while he is at work, changing my number, and blocking him everywhere else so I can move on.
I have tried to get into therapy, places want a referral but then when I get one they aren’t offering what I’m needing (which is crazy to me, I was just seeking out basic talk therapy nothing specialized), if they don’t require a referral they aren’t returning my calls. Things are really bad right now.
I know this sub is for people with ROCD but I have no one to talk or vent to. Don’t feel obligated to respond either, it is welcomed if you choose to. I just need to get things out I guess, for some reason it feels better than just writing in my notes app.

Hi everyone, To explain, I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I love my girlfriend, this is our first adult relationship together, so a lot of these things were new to us during it. I don’t want to sound cocky but i’d like to think i’m a pretty handsome guy, and my girlfriend hates the fact that i’m attractive to other girls. She constantly compares herself to my exes and girls i’ve talked to in the past. Shes always been extremely jealous, she does not like me talking to other girls and or working with girls, constantly says i’m a flirt or that i have other gfs etc. Has told me that i’m probably hiding stuff from her or that I would cheat, Then she says it’s a joke which I know it’s not. She does not like me having any female friends either (which I don’t have any) and gets very upset if I do happen to talk to a female. She will full on ignore me and give me attitude and just be plain out disrespectful towards me as if I cheated on her. She also gets distant and bothered If I hang out with my guys for the night, even tho I never hit the bar or drink with them. One instance is I pulled up a famous singers page to play music, “you find her attractive don’t you?” I don’t answer this question because I know what it’s going to turn into and sure enough she starts probing and asking and asking and finally I just admitted. I had never seen her so upset, again she made it seem like I cheated on her she was furious. I kept trying to reassure her but she would push my arm away and say “ don’t touch me”. She ignored me for the whole night. I try to be as respectful as I can to her and respect our boundaries, but I feel like even that’s not enough
After that I snapped and really started to wonder what i’m doing wrong, and then I started to ask if it is even my fault ? Is this really what I want for myself? Now I’m here wondering if this behavior is normal in a relationship. I’ve never had a long term relationship up until this one so I wouldn’t know and I would really appreciate everyone’s input, I always try to make sure she is happy and i feel like i’m putting myself last because of it.
What do you all think of this behavior?
TLDR: Girlfriend constantly doubts me, thinks i’m cheating, gets extremely upset if i talk to another female and is disgusted that I think other women are attractive.

Hi, pretty long post, just want to share my story as reading all of yours has helped me these last few weeks, f(28). After Thanksgiving 2021, so early-mid December (I was 26 at the time), I somehow herniated a disc. Before this happened, literally right before, I was hurting with what I think was a pulled lower back muscle (hurt to sit and lay down but pain was only in my back right side and rest helped, something I dealt with several times in my life starting in like 7th grade, drs always said it was a pulled muscle). After about a week it was feeling better so I decided it was safe to roll onto my right side to sleep. Well, after that I started experiencing pain all down that side, I also had some tingling and slight numbness in my foot and ankle. It was bad enough that I wasn't comfortable for more than 20 minutes, standing was the least painful, lucky to sleep 3 hours at once even though I'd wake up in horrible pain, basically always in tears from the pain and discomfort. I went to the dr after a few weeks and was told it's sciatica and he referred me for an mri, gave me some kind of shots and ibuprofen. I don't remember what the shots were but they took away all of the pain for 8-10 hours and I was able to get some much needed sleep. One may have been toradol but I got a shot of it the day of my mri so laying on my back during the scan wasn't too uncomfortable, and it didn't help much.
About 2 months after my symptoms started, I finally got the mri and it showed a decent sized herniation. I don't remember exactly where it was in my low back, but I was then referred to a neurologist who evaluated me and suggested ESI, he was fairly certain it would get better on it's own and I wouldn't need surgery, he said it may or may not decrease in size as well. The ESI worked as far as I can tell, but at this point it had been about 3-4 months of healing on my own using heat, stretches, and ibuprofen and the pain was mostly gone, lingering around a 2 at it's worst, but 0 after the ESI. The tingling in my foot and ankle had gone away and I was slowly getting back to normal. Aside from the occasional leg muscle cramps and discomfort laying on my right side, I had been pain and symptom free for about 2 years. I went on vacation in June last year, we did a lot of walking and even a steep hike. I worked for a year and a half in a dispensary, on my feet a lot as well as bending, squatting or leaning down, lifting heavyish totes. I had no pain or symptoms from this. I was hopeful that it had healed up and I was going to be perfectly fine, but I was still mindful of my back. I quit working last year in September to go back to school, since then I had been generally sitting or laying most of the time doing homework, of course I still helped around the house and went out to do stuff. I just wasn't moving nearly as much as when I was working. I had also gone on a trip to Seattle in September where we walked almost everywhere. Again, no pain or symptoms.
That takes me to earlier this year, about late February or early March. I was doing alright, then I noticed my hips feeling a little sore, starting in the left then later on the right, like a toothache or a pinching feeling in the sides and sometimes front. I felt it most when laying on them at first. It also felt sore when I pressed certain areas on the side. It felt like my thighs or hips were a bit unstable, if that makes sense. I did stretches, no difference. One night, during a shower, I leaned down to move a bottle on the floor and felt a very slight twinge in my lower back. Still no back pain or symptoms down either leg though. I also had been randomly waking up with pain and stiffness in my right foot and ankle that would go away after walking on it. Naturally, all this scared me and I started sleeping only on my back with a pillow under my knees, no longer sitting cross-legged or with my legs tucked beside me on the couch, making sure I wasn't slouching and getting up every hour to walk for a few minutes, generally trying to take care of my back. I'm also sitting to get dressed right after most showers because of my hips and I'm nervous my legs will give out. I made a dr appointment early April and he suggested PT for my hips, he wasn't worried about my back or doing any imaging.
I started PT April 15th. She evaluated my hips, had me do some stretches (most were laying down with my knees bent, putting pressure on my low back, I'm wondering if this caused my situation) and gave me stretches to do at home 2x day, appointments 2x week for a month. I should also mention during her evaluation she pressed on my lower back and it sucked, no pain down my legs, just under her hand. The stretches helped my hips for the first week, then my lower back started getting stiff and sore when I would lay down for a few hours or more. I mentioned this to my PT, but she didn't say anything. I kept up with the stretches (on a thick mat on the floor at home, or on my bed) and my lower back slowly got worse each day. Finally, after about 4 PT appointments and 2 weeks of stretches I quit doing them. My back was in quite a bit of pain, I started occasionally getting tingling and slight numbness down both sides in my lower calves and feet (sometimes together, sometimes either side) and it was painful to lay and sit longer than an hour. Made another dr appointment, he suggested it was my muscles and told me to ice, take ibuprofen, and gave me Diclofenac 1% gel, assuring me that PT wouldn't likely cause or worsen a herniation. I was with a different PT for the next appointment and she tried a TENS machine with a heating pad for the pain after I did some stretches that didn't seem to bother my back. I didn't notice any difference. That same night I went to the ER because I got up from a nap and the tingling and numbness wouldn't go away so it scared me. They gave me a steroid shot, a steroid pack, a few T3's and 325mg Tylenols as well as an MRI referral. I don't know if the steroids helped or just the overall more aggressive and earlier treatment this time, but my pain and symptoms (despite being on both sides, not just the right side) aren't nearly as bad as the first time, yet. I'm still uncomfortable and having a horrible time, but it's been manageable. Hopefully I don't feel any worse after being off the steroids for a while. I finished them last Thursday (May 9th) and I've been taking the 325mg Tylenol as needed, making sure to take 2 before bed, I took all the T3's as needed. PT since has been focused on pain management, deep heat ultrasound, TENS machine and heat, also k-tape which seems to provide a small difference.
Yesterday morning (the 13th) I woke up to my back feeling a little stiff and sore but I'd been trying a few stretches the last couple days, maybe that's what's causing it so I'm gonna stop for now. I'm sleeping alright, thankfully, naps as I need or can. As my back has gotten better, my hips haven't. There's still a pinching toothache type of feeling in the sides and front and my thighs still feel unstable while I walk sometimes. I can't lean back on the couch, sitting in the car is uncomfortable so I keep the seat up straight, laying down I still feel pressure in my low back but it's been bearable enough to sleep so far. I haven't tried walking for longer than an hour at a time, slowly and carefully, it doesn't bother my back so much as it does my hips. I lay down for a break during the day if I need it, though I try not to lay down too much. I get up and walk around a bit every hour or so and I help with housework when I can. I use ice or heat for 15 min when I feel like it. I try to go to bed only when I know I'm sleepy so I don't just lay there. I sit outside in the Sun and try to distract myself from the pain the best I can by doing whatever. But lately, being up straight most of the day has been making my upper back a little sore and sometimes I feel what might be spasms along my back (a tense pain that goes away after a few seconds to minutes) and some cramping sensations in my legs.
My MRI is scheduled for the 20th, I'm hoping with all my heart that it's nothing horrible. I've been keeping a log of my symptoms and writing down questions for if I go back to the neurologist (which I would like to). Again, I apologize for the super long post, I just hope this helps someone feel less alone and scared. I know I've been feeling pretty awful the last three weeks, I can't imagine how you who have worse pain feel. I have so much anxiety and fear about this and all the possibilities and it makes everything so difficult. I'm 28, almost 29, and with luck, I have 50-60 years of living left and there's so much I want to do, without anxiety of injuring my back or being in constant pain. This is one of the scariest things I've ever gone through because it seems like it can get complicated really fast and really easy, no warning. I'm not giving up hope that I'll be alright, but it's hard when you get worn down through the day and feel so many different scary symptoms. Hopefully they make some kind of medical advancement in the disc herniation department that truly helps the pain or at least effectively reduces reinjury chances.
TLDR: Sharing my story, had a lower back disc herniation in Dec 2021 causing horrible sciatica all down right side. Had ESI a few months later even though pain was minimal at that point, got better and was generally pain and symptom free for about 2 years. Symptoms came back after a few weeks of PT for unexplained hip pain, this time it's effecting both sides. Been dealing with it for about 3 weeks now with various treatments, MRI scheduled for the 20th.

A/N: This incorporates a new build, with additional drawbacks and perks. I added a few gamer functions, as well as Lightning Quick, Brute Strength, DPS, and Rogue. More details are available over on Spacebattles (I also edited the original chapters there to reflect the changes).
Within minutes of entering the building and clocking in, I'm speedily typing away at my computer. There are stacks of papers on my desk that I am dedicatedly transcribing and digitizing.
This is my job, at least on most days. I have to take sheets of paper, invariably assorted forms related to insurance, and digitize them. In minutes I have already done this to a few different types of forms, from applications to the paperwork regarding claims and investigations into claims. "Speed Typist" mixed with "Lightning Quick" allows me to easily breeze through even dense forms and shift between the programs I need to use for each type of form. My job is hilariously, almost offensively, easy and I have already heard that we have a backlog so I have plenty of stuff to go through.
As I type I begin to think about each of my gamer perks as well as my system. Every few minutes I'll "mistype" thanks to "Buggy" and I'll spend a split second going back and fixing my mistake but between "The Devil's Own Luck" and "Lightning Quick" I'm able to fix my mistakes in a span of milliseconds. While I type I use "Observe" every instance I can, throwing in a tiny burst to the overall amount of experience I gain.
I use my enhanced mind's passive ability to follow two trains of thought while I work. As far as anyone can tell I'm diligently doing my job, but in actuality I'm exploring my system. Through passive, almost imperceptible gestures, mostly due to how fast they are, I am messing around with my rather system.
I whittle away the hours I need to spend at my job doing this. During this time I get a few of my skills to level up a few times, thanks to my decision to faithfully and diligently hone some of my other abilities like "Observe". Eventually lunch rolls around and Amy sneaks up behind me so she can surprise me and draw me away from my work. I feign surprise when she reaches me up and taps on my shoulder, and this is a perfect chance for me to try something out.
I make small talk and I silently activate my ability to pause reality while I'm in the middle of a sentence. The world freezes around me and I get to see Amy freeze as she reacts to what I'm saying. I have a reason for doing this, it's all for the sake of experimenting with some of my more intriguing abilities.
I focus on Amy even as I interact with my system's UI and I activate my "Gacha" mechanic. In my mind's eye I can see a logo representing a capsule machine beginning to stir to life and spin some of the capsules containing various awards, and I think about two enormously powerful perks: "The Face" and "Silver Tongue".
These two charisma enhancing perks are incredibly valuable tools in my repertoire and I have yet to meaningfully use them. One of them, "Silver Tongue" is not as directly powerful as "The Face" but it offers me broad knowledge of psychology, enhances my charismatic intuition, and makes me incredibly attractive. The real powerhouse of a perk is "The Face". By focusing on people and thinking of something I want them to believe or persuade them to do I have a supernatural intuitive sense that allows me to know the best sort of argument I could make to achieve that goal. To test this I study Amy while wondering if there's any way for me to convince her to go on a date with me, and after a split second of thinking I begin to feel vague intuitive senses of what I could say and do that would make her see me as a potential romantic interest, and I know that doing that before I ask her out would guarantee success if I wanted her to go on a date with me.
I immediately shift tactics and try to see if I could persuade her to give me 100,000 dollars, and I am unsurprised when I do not gain any vague sensations about how to make that happen one way or another. "Worth a shot..." I tell myself, and if I could smile more I would. Both of these perks are strong, but I'm clever enough to recognize that they become even stronger when I add "Beautiful Mind" and "Well of Wisdom" to the mix. WoW is especially handy in a combination like this, since it allows me to pick and choose the most efficient route to my desired outcome. This is especially true if I mix it with my ability to pause time, since I can give myself breathing room and contemplate how to most skillfully word my arguments and present my positions.
The gacha machine, or some abstraction of one, in my head slows to a stop. When it does a symbol of a capsule pops out and I am delighted to see that I've won a mundane iPad like device, a handy thing I can use as a computer for the time being! This is quite handy, and I can see this particular mechanic becoming something life-saving in a moment of desperation with the right amount of luck. The decide immediately fills a slot in my inventory, and I make a mental note to pull it out and use it later.
I unpause time and over the course of the next few minutes I use my skills, mixing all of the aforementioned perks and functions of my gamer skills as Amy and I walk over to the cafeteria. It is only when we're sitting through the door into the cafeteria that I sense an opportunity to ask my friend something.
"Hey, do you want to try a soup I made? I like it but having a second opinion is always good." I remark, causing her eyes to brightly light up. I grin at her and we walk over to the same table we ate at yesterday. I hand her the small container I'm holding my soup in, and she looks at it. I see her inhale and watch as her eyes light up. We're the first of the people to arrive at our table so no one else sees this. The container I gave her also has some silverware which she uses to go ahead and take a sip of the soup. I am delighted when time freezes and I get a notification alerting me to the acquisition of a new class: that of a chef. I immediately equip it even as I click through the drawback that appears before me. This also confirms that at least in some cases what is needed for me to get a class is for me to do stuff in front of others or at least involve them in some way.
As time resumes I see Amy's face light up.
"This is delicious!" She states with a delighted and sincere grin. I light up as she tells me this and I lightly cheer. This is excellent news, and my acquisition of this class is very fascinating. When it comes to classes I have a unique ability to get them to "Prestige" once they reach a high enough level, and given my current build's focus on support, buffing, and healing, if I can master a class like that of a chef I can do a lot.
"I'm so happy you like it!" I exclaim, sincerely. It really does taste quite good, but my whole body is enhanced and I'm superhumanly sensitive to things like taste so there's no guarantee that what I taste will be what others taste. That said, cooking is an absolutely incredible skill so if I can master it... Well, I'll always be able to prove my worth in almost any situation involving other people. Cooking... is a cracked skill to have in real life.
Our friends join us and as they do Amy turns to them and hands one of the women the container. Mary looks at us quizzically and Amy pantomimes for her friend to try the soup. Mary's look of confusion only becomes more apparent, but she still dutifully does as she's been asked, using her own silverware to do so. Her eyes light up as well and I feel how much experience I have as a cook slowly increase, which brings a smug smile to my face.
"This is delicious! What is this?!" Mary asks, and I grin and point at me. She smiles, impressed, before handing it back to me.
"I made this soup last night. I liked it but I didn't know if I was going crazy or not." I remark, and that gets a laugh out of Amy.
"Well, if working at an office ever gets boring you could make a living as a chef. This is amazing!" She states, and I can hear the honesty in her voice. It's kind of nice how much she likes the stuff, and a part of me wouldn't mind making more food for her if she's gonna be this enthusiastic about what I give her to eat.
It's hard not for me not to beam at my companions in passive delight the whole time we're eating lunch. The lunchroom conversation is kept simple and we simply inform each other about upcoming plans and light gossip, all of which I've heard before thanks to my enhanced, and growing, senses. Super Sensory is a strong enough perk by default but because of my ability to expand every facet of myself, coupled with the universality of "Master of All" I am just passively growing in my ability to hear stuff. Seeing as I am uncapped I could see myself someday hearing every conversation in this building, almost certainly by the end of the year given how all of my growth is linked together and builds on each other.
Lunch comes and goes in a blur and in minutes I'm back in front of the computer. In front of the computer I'm a blur, my fingers strengthened by Lightning Quick and Speed Typist. I whittle away the hours diligently doing my job, distracting myself and minorly doing other things by making use of my dual trains of thought, and even when I overcome instances of "Buggy" every few minutes I still find myself grateful that I took the drawbacks I did. This work would be... less than fun otherwise. By the time my workday comes to an end and I find myself outside of the office I've filled out hundreds of forms and diligently pushed various skills of mine to new levels. Colleagues of mine are walking around me and also leaving the office. I casually pause time. making use of my pause ability again, and I begin to think of what to do and where to go next.
"I suppose now's as good a time as any to go and see about volunteering..." I eventually realize as I think about the various things I can do from here. I momentarily wonder where I should go to try and do that before I remember what I told Amy and the others yesterday about how I volunteered at a clinic. WIth Healer volunteering at a hospital would be good for me, even if I couldn't do as much good as I'd like too since I am not a doctor. I unpause time and smile as I reach into my pocket, use "Inventory" and retrieve my cellphone.
"Where is the nearest hospital?" I ask aloud, into the phone. Some of the people walking past me glance at me curiously and I smile sheepishly as my phone begins to tell me where to go. I begin to walk in the direction the phone indicates, happy to have a chance to begin to do some good.
The walk isn't terribly long. It turns out that the hospital is in a part of downtown that I didn't explore last night, and I reach it less than five minutes after I start walking, just in the opposite direction of where I was going before. The hospital isn't huge, which surprises me since I don't seem to be living in some small town but in a decently sized city. I walk into the main entrance and step into a large lobby where a decent amount of foot traffic seems to happen, judging from the footprints I can faintly see on the floor beneath me. I walk up to a receptionist desk and the man behind it doesn't bother looking up and instead taps the clipboard in front of him. I glance at it and laugh when I see that it's a standard questionnaire for people who are visiting a hospital for normal, health-related reasons. My reaction surprises the man, and to be fair it's definitely odd for someone in a hospital to laugh at the sight of a hospital questionnaire.
I am laughing at the questionnaire because it's amusing to think about the possibility of getting sick, I'm a gamer, and while normally that'd conjure images of nerds and geeks in my case it means that my health is protected. I have two very powerful perks/features that wildly mitigate the dangers of sicknesses: "Tough As Nails" which guarantees that it'd take something supernatural or almost supernatural to stand a chance of even slowing me down, and "Gamer Body". Gamer Body is interesting in this context since it gamifies negative conditions and allows me to, quite literally, sleep them off. Even something like losing a limb can be cured with a night of sleep thanks to my abilities which feels radically overpowered given how little it cost. I have other perks which further lower my odds of being negatively affected by sicknesses, such as "The Devil's Own Luck". I also have my magic, which includes spells that completely heal and purify the body, and would work on me just as readily as they'd work on other people.
"I'm actually here to learn how to volunteer? I'm new in town and I used to volunteer at a clinic in my home town so I wanted to see if I could volunteer here." I explain, which causes the guy to look up at me. When he does his eyes widen, and I smile awkwardly. I consider feigning ignorance, or perhaps innocence, but I know what's going on. He wasn't expecting me to look the way I look.
My new looks are something it is taking me a beat to get used to. I was only okay looking before, but now my looks are hyper idealized, and I am a conceptually handsome version of the very best I could have ever looked, and it is a bit jarring. It's more jarring for me, knowing that before I was an at best average-looking guy before coming to this world and gaining this new form. I allow the man a beat, before I clear my throat and the sound snaps him out of the daze he was in.
"Oh! Sorry, man, I just assumed you were sick. Umm... Yeah, let me give you a packet." The man says, before reaching under the desk in front of him. I smile lightly as he rummages around the interior of the space that separates us.
My powerful senses allow me to easily notice all sorts of stuff occurring around me. I can hear the vital processes in the bodies of the people closest to me, such as heartbeats and the smells of sweat, as well as other bodily fluids. Many of the people in this area of the hospital are sick, and truthfully if I could I'd heal them all.
One of my reasons for coming here today is to give myself a means by which I can help and heal people. This is, mildly, altruistic but more than anything else I want to master the power to heal people before I leave this setting. In the right setting, being a healer is absolutely a pivotal method of interacting with my environment and also getting allies, as well as staying alive.
The man eventually hands me a packet, along with a pen to use to fill out parts of it, and I smile at him as I take it. It is filled with information, including an application to fill out, and I thank him as I walk over to the waiting area and begin to fill it out. The questions are simple and ask for basic information about me. I fill it out, though a part of me is curious how this'll mesh with my drawbacks...
When I finish filling out the form I hand it to the man and he gratefully takes it. He explains that I'll be contacted by someone named "Ms. Jimenez" soon, and that she oversees the volunteer program. I delightedly thank him for that information and begin to head out of the hospital.
In minutes I'm part of the way home. I am a decently fast walker, though that's something I'd like to work on more in the days to come. The sun is quickly descending, and the moon is already visible in the night sky. I'm approaching the row of apartment buildings that include the building I live in. As I draw nearer and nearer to it I spot a lone homeless man sleeping next to one of the apartments. He is clearly asleep and my observation ability only confirms this. It also reveals that the man is sick, and when I glance at his hit points I see further confirmation of that, as he's down a few of them. I am walking towards him, and as I move I see a nice opportunity for me to try something.
I silently activate "Rogue", one of my more odd perks, and I feel my presence become much more subdued and difficult to notice. I approach the man, and I shut my eyes. As I walk towards him I allow myself to be guided by Super Sensory and only stop when I'm right in front of the man. I kneel and I focus on my spellbook icon, allowing me to see my list of spells. My senses allow me to be confident that the figure is still asleep when I gently move my hands so that they are in front of him. Time freezes as I gain a "Stealth" skill, and while time is frozen I swap my class and become a mage so I can gain valuable experience before I deactivate "Tutorial Sprite". I allow time to resume and smile as I trigger a spell for the first time, one of healing.
For me to activate the spell requires nothing more than for me to have enough magic points and an applicable target. This particular spell is my more advanced spell and it can work on all sorts of living targets. It is named "Intermediate heal" and the fact that I have it is a sign of one of my purchases; Healer. I feel my points of arcane energy be converted into sacred, restorative energy and I open my eyes in time to watch my hands begin to glow as energy leaves me and enters him. I look at his hit points and watch them begin to slowly increase even as I hit him with another instance of "Observe". I do so just in time to feel time freeze as new notifications appear in my mind's eye. One of the first notifications is that I have just earned experience for the "Mage" class, which becomes experience for everything thanks to Master of All, while another indicates that I've just unlocked a quest to become a healer! I study these notifications with a proud grin as this marks an important milestone in my journey. The fact that the class I want is locked behind a quest is interesting and I make a mental note to study the quest as I head home.
I unfreeze time, notice that the man is already visibly healthier, and turn to make my way back to my new home. It takes only about six minutes before I find myself stepping into my apartment. Now I can play with my new toy from earlier!

Having played Royal, Golden, Reload, Portable, Dancing, Ultimax, Strikers, and Tactica, I decided to try Q and have just reached the first game’s third dungeon. And wow - it has some really amazing and fun gameplay.
There are so many aspects to it which make it super enjoyable. I’ve heard it’s very similar to Etrian Odyssey, so maybe a lot of these are shared with that but I’m not sure:
Sub-Personas - Tactica has these, but they only add so much due to only have one fixed slot and one inherited slot for skills. In Q, sub-Personas have 6 slots, which adds an enormous extra layer of strategy that makes every character feel as valuable in combat as Makoto/Yu.
Money - I’m playing on normal, and money feels like a lot more of a valuable commodity here than in mainline Persona. Usually, it piles up and up until I’m basically just buying everything I see willy-nilly. Conversely, I actually have to strategise with whether to prioritise items, weapons, armour, accessories, summons, healing, etc.
HP and SP - The problem with mainline Persona games is that, especially in the early game, you are always conscious of using SP because you will run out very quickly. The game wants you to come back another time with renewed SP, but when you have to max out social links minimising your time in a dungeon is vastly preferable. As a result, I often end up doing normal attacks, which ends up being quite boring. In Q, your HP and SP are tied to your sub-Persona, which lends you a certain amount automatically at the start of every battle. This is great because it strikes a perfect balance between feeling like you can never use your skills and feeling like you can use them ad nauseam. You also have to distribute your HP and SP buffer strategically, as you’ll want Kanji to have a lot of extra HP for physical skills, but Naoto to have plenty of extra SP for insta-kills, say.
Dungeon-crawling - Dungeons are really well-designed and feel like a pleasure to traverse. Shadows are always a threat because of random encounters, which is preferable to something like Reload in which you can easily just run away from them (probably the worst change from earlier P3 games imo). I like having to manually keep track of where everything is in the dungeon, and there’s a decent balance of social hijinks and actual traversal, which is what makes Shido’s Palace really fun for me. Special events in the dungeons’ nooks and crannies make everything feel more fresh, in a way which even P5 doesn’t replicate in its more scripted dungeon novelties, nor P3 or P4 in their randomly-generated samey hallways.
Difficulty - I’ve died more in Q than I ever have in a mainline Persona game, and I think that it strikes a better balance with hard bosses and enemies that screw me over a lot. All-out attacks are also more unexpected, so it feels extra rewarding to pull of a solid set of moves.
The boost system - Another way HP and SP is handled better is in its reduction to a cost of 0 after a successful ‘weak’ or ‘critical’ attack. This rewards you for playing strategically, and opens up your options as you can pull back your attacks to heal, carry on racking up boosts, or transfer to a different sort of move entirely. Plus, being hit while boosted is another obstacle to victory which helps to balance out the difficulty.
Leader and navi skills - I like that Fuuka and Rise feel much more useful, because there are so many tools with which to customise their arsenal. I like to have Fuuka run a move which teleports everyone back to the floor’s entrance, because it’s more foolproof than escaping and can be used for traversal.
Party layout - I like that the party is five strong, which is necessary in a game with so many party members as Q. But more importantly, the front and back layers add another degree of depth, though I’ve yet to move around in combat, despite that being an option.
Quests - These mostly come with some interesting joke, like Teddie trying to find a love potion or Junpei trying to anonymously set up a date with the P4 girls. They’re fun, and having EXP as a reward is also cool.
The only complaint I have is shared with my remonstration with Tactica, which is that sub-Personas often feel a bit suboptimal. You only have so many Personas at your current level, especially when fusion is so costly. Therefore, you often end up loading teammates up with Personas several levels lower than yours. I’m not really sure how one would fix that, though. Great game, anyway.

“Ready to make history, baby?”
I looked over toward Sheila as she stood on the gangplank leading up to The Burger. I still couldn’t believe she named our research ship ‘The Burger’... emotional relevance be damned.
“It's not exactly history,” I corrected.
“Oh come on! If your survey is right, this trench might run even deeper than the Challenger Deep, and you’re gonna be the first person to explore it! How is that not exciting?”
“Might be deeper, we only have a limited amount of topological data. And even if it is deeper, we’re talking only a few hundred feet at most, it’s really not that im-”
Sheila silenced me with a kiss.
“Nerd.” She teased, and I found myself too flustered to reply. After five years of marriage, she still could leave me speechless with just a kiss. God… how did someone like me end up with a woman like that?
Then again, how did someone like me end up where I was in general? It was honestly a little overwhelming. Standing on the dock, getting ready to board that ship and join the ranks of Jacques Piccard and James Cameron (yes, that James Cameron) as one of the few people to take a manned submersible down to the deepest parts of the ocean. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little scared too. Diving down that deep could easily be a one way trip if even the slightest thing went wrong. My submarine would be experiencing between 600 to 1100 atmospheres of pressure and while we’d tested it over and over again to make sure it would actually be up for the challenge, there was still a lingering iota of doubt in the back of my mind. All that needed to go wrong was one little thing, and that would be it for me.
The scariest part is that I probably wouldn’t even know what had happened… I’d simply be gone… and Sheila would be alone. The thought of that caused a momentary spike of panic in my chest that almost made me want to call this whole thing off.
Almost.
But, then I felt her hand close around mine. I looked up into her bright blue eyes, and saw her gentle smile.
“You’re gonna be okay, hun,” She promised. “You and your team have been running the numbers, right? It’s gonna go just fine!”
I nodded slowly.
“It’s gonna go fine…” I repeated, before she leaned in to kiss me, and gently pulled me by the wrist up onto the deck of the Burger.
She was probably right.
It probably would be fine.
Probably…
The trench I’d be exploring was a fairly recent discovery, located south of Greenland, in a vast stretch of water situated directly between Newfoundland and Iceland. It’d been uncovered during a topological survey in the area, and my team had taken an interest in investigating it further. At minimum, it was believed to descend to about 35,000 feet deep (over 10,000 meters), although the current theory was that it might have run even deeper. Determining the exact depth of the yet unnamed chasm was just one of the intents of our dive. The rest was studying the organisms that might be found down there, and how they might have differed from the ones found in other deep ocean trenches (some variation being expected given the isolated environment they were developing in.)
I had to admit, it would be exciting to see what new life might have developed in a place such as this, especially if it ran even deeper than our predictions… and that excitement was enough to make me chase the fear of the risks out of my mind, even if it was only briefly. While Sheila went to make sure we were ready to embark, I caught myself wandering out toward the rear of the ship where my submarine, The Tempura, waited for me. Did this submarine deserve a better name than The Tempura? Probably. But, this was my project, so I got to name it and since Burger was already taken, Tempura was the next best name I had. I liked to think that the subs namesake might approve… if she hadn’t died fifteen years ago. Shrimp don’t live very long.
As the ship began to depart, I caught myself reminiscing on how I’d ended up here… it really was all because of those damn shrimp, wasn’t it? Well… maybe not all because of the shrimp. But they were certainly part of it. Back when I was a lot younger, I never really gave much of a shit about anything at all. I guess I did have a thing for the ocean… the great, romantic vastness of it. The sense of adventure that it beckoned with. The endless mysteries that lay within its dark depths. I used to read about it all the time when I was a kid and I especially loved the classic adventures: Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea, and Melville’s Moby Dick… but that love was just confined to my books. I didn’t really have any interest in actually going out and seeing the ocean. Hell, the idea of going to a beach and standing in the sun with my toes in the sand seemed miserable to me. I was happier (although calling myself happy might’ve been a little disingenuous) alone in my room, enjoying the company of books as opposed to people.
Then came the shrimp.
One of my online friends kept them as a hobby. He used to post pictures of his tanks all the time, and I always thought they looked kinda cool. He said that if I was interested in them, I should try keeping some for myself, and during a particularly bad bout of depression, I figured that maybe it might be worth a shot. So, I bought a cheap tank and some cheap decorations, bought myself some shrimp… and promptly watched them die over the next few weeks. That… that bothered me. I don’t know why but… it really bothered me. I’m still not entirely sure how to describe what it was that I was feeling. Guilt? Defeat? Shame? Here I was, trying to set up a habitat for these creatures just to have something to do to keep the suicidal ideation at bay, and I’d failed almost right out of the gate.
Was I just that bad? Was I just that much of a failure? Was this just going to go to shit just like everything else in my life did, because I was just such an abysmal piece of shit who barely deserved the life she had? Had I just not tried hard enough? Was I too apathetic? What had happened? What went wrong?
It bothered me.
It bothered me enough that I made up my mind to just dump the remaining shrimp down the toilet and toss everything. Forget about it. Move on. End of story. But… that wasn’t fair, was it? The shrimp didn’t all deserve to die just because I couldn’t be bothered, did they? Sure, they were just shrimp, but they were alive too, just like me. They deserved to be alive.
I owed it to them to try and keep them alive, didn’t I?
So… I didn’t dump the shrimp.
Instead, I started doing some reading. Started looking into what I was doing wrong and how to do it all better. I actually got really into it and a few months later, I had a nice planted tank. Looking back, it was amateur shit… but it made me happy. I’d even picked out names for my two favorite shrimp. Burger and Tempura. They’d been the last survivors of my original batch, and they were the ones I ended up caring about the most. Caring for Burger and Tempura gave me a purpose. It became an obsession… and that little obsession drove me to finally start turning my life around.
Like I said, shrimp don’t live for very long. Burger and Tempura were long dead by the time I graduated with a degree in Marine Biology. But they were the ones who inspired me to finally get my life in order. Hell, the shrimp were half the reason that I met Sheila. She was something of an aquarium fanatic too… we’d met on a forum, and gotten to talking. I found out that she just so happened to be studying Marine Biology at another school, and we bonded pretty quickly after that. After graduation, I moved to California to be with her and after that, the rest is history. She was my rock. She was the one who always pushed me to be the best possible version of myself… and I loved her more than I ever knew I could love someone.
A glance back at the shore, fading into the distance tore me out of my reminiscing, and I shifted my focus to the present, going over The Tempura to perform some quick checks. My colleagues and I would be checking and rechecking the submarine over the next two days as we made our way toward the dive spot. Considering the danger that descending that deep posed, I didn’t want to take a single unnecessary risk.
I had too much to live for, after all.
***
The day of the dive, I couldn’t notice how excited the rest of the crew seemed… well… Sheila’s usual crew seemed excited. I guess to them, this was just another research expedition, no different than the ones Sheila usually took this ship out on. Lately her research had been focused on the analysis and study of whale calls. Her recent voyages had involved following their pods, recording their calls and playing them back to see how the whales reacted. It was fascinating stuff, but my research was admittedly a lot different than that.
My obsession had drawn me to the denizens of the deep sea. I’d used The Burger for expeditions before, although none of them had been on quite the same scale as this one. Up until today, the most ambitious thing I’d done was send down unmanned submersibles with cameras. Those submersibles had typically returned. We had lost a few early on due to technical glitches, but the past few years had been blissfully uneventful. Logically, this dive would probably be uneventful as well. But it was still hard to get the jitters out of my head.
My team and I did the final checks necessary to make sure that The Tempura was good to go, before setting up the crane to begin lifting it up. In less than an hour, I’d be inside of that thing, descending to the darkest depths of the ocean.
It didn’t feel real.
I felt Sheila’s hand on my shoulder, and looked over at her.
“Moment of truth, huh?” She asked. She probably meant it to sound encouraging, but it just sounded ominous.
“Moment of truth…” I replied.
“You’re gonna be okay, honey. I know you will.”
She reached out to gently squeeze my hand and gave me a reassuring smile that I meekly returned.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be okay,” I agreed, although there was an element of a lie in it. Statistically, yes. It probably WOULD be okay. But there was that lingering anxiety in the back of my mind that just wouldn’t go away. I looked quietly out at the submarine before me and couldn’t shake the thought that it sort of looked like a giant coffin. Unconsciously, I found myself squeezing Sheila’s hand tighter than normal. She just held me close and pressed a kiss to the top of my head, before gently rubbing my back.
“You’ll be okay,” She promised.
“Dr. Jenner, we’re ready for you.” I heard one of my colleagues say.
Moment of truth.
I took one last look at Sheila, and gave her a quick kiss on the lips for luck. She smiled at me, and I smiled back anxiously at her before heading over toward the submarine.
The crew helped me enter the cockpit and get myself situated inside. The cockpit of the Tempura was fairly cramped and not particularly comfortable. Space and comfort aren’t really luxuries you can afford in a submarine like this. The instruments I needed took up a lot of space, leaving little room for me in there… and I am not a very big person.
Once I was inside, they sealed the hatch. Then the diagnostics checks began.
“Grayson, can you hear us in there?” I heard Sheila say through the radio.
“Loud and clear,” I replied.
“Great. We’ll keep in constant radio contact, just to monitor the signal. In the meanwhile, how’s everything looking in there?”
“Green across the board so far,” I said, although I hadn’t finished running all my final checks yet. Ultimately, nothing was out of place.
This submarine was as good to go as it was going to get.
“I’m all good in here,” I said once I was done. “You can drop me when you’re ready.”
“You got it, honey. Let’s get you in the water, run one final round of tests and start lowering you down.”
A short while later, I felt the submarine begin to move as the crane lifted it off the deck and lowered it into the water. The Tempura honestly resembled its namesake in a way, being long and cigar shaped, only vertically oriented instead of horizontally oriented. We’d admittedly taken more than a few design cues from James Cameron’s Deepsea Challenger. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all?
Once I was in the water, a 1000 pound releasable ballast weight would cause the submarine to sink. Releasing that weight was also my ticket back to the surface, and I could either trigger it from inside the cockpit, or, in the event that the release failed for any reason, it would trigger automatically after roughly 12 hours of exposure to salt water.
Ideally, this would be the first of a number of dives I’d be undertaking… and if all went according to plan, the Tempura could be the first of many similar submarines that would allow other researchers to safely and effectively descend to extreme depths. If all went well, this could be a massive leap forward for researchers like me, allowing us to better explore the deepest depths of the Hadal Zone and learn all we could about the ecosystems down there via direct observation.
If all went well.
If.
Through the viewport, I watched as I was lowered into the ocean. A few of the other crew members had donned diving gear to escort me down, and after they did their final checks and I did mine, we were fully ready to go.
“All’s green across the board,” I said into the radio. “You can start my descent.”
“I hear you, honey,” Sheila replied. “We’re letting you go. Have fun down there.”
“Yeah, I’ll try…” I said quietly as finally, my submarine began its descent.
I took a deep breath, and told myself again that everything would go fine. We had checked everything on this submarine. We’d tested it rigorously. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to set foot inside of it if I hadn’t personally assured that it was safe. But anxiety never really goes away, does it? The crew couldn’t accompany me far. After only a few meters, they fell behind me as I sank deeper and deeper into the infinite, empty blue of the ocean. Soon after, the tether was released.
I was officially on my own.
“60 feet,” I heard Sheila say over the radio. “How are you doing in there?”
“Good,” I replied. “Doing… doing good.”
The submarine continued to descend. Through the viewport, I could see a few stray fish, but nothing particularly eye catching. I almost felt alone down there… almost…
“120 feet…” Sheila said.
“Still doing good,” I replied.
The descent continued, as the waters slowly grew darker and darker.
“400 feet…”
Everything around me just kept getting darker and darker. Only a fraction of the light from the sun ever reached these depths… and I’d be lying if I said that darkness didn’t feel a little… oppressive.
“800 feet… still feeling good?”
“Yeah, still feeling good…” I said, although it was a bit of a lie. If anything, I was second guessing all of this, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
“1000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…” I murmured. “I hear you loud and clear.”
Deeper… deeper… deeper.
“1500 feet…”
Three miles. I was three miles away from home. Three miles away from Sheila.
“2000 feet…”
Still a ways to go.
“3000 feet…”
By this point, it was fully dark outside of my cockpit. Outside, all I could see was inky darkness. Even the submarine’s lights didn’t really cut through it. And the kicker? Relatively speaking, I wasn’t that deep. Fishing trawlers reached deeper than this. Better to conserve power until I was at the bottom. My descent continued.
“6000 feet… still good?”
“Still good…”
The check ins were becoming less frequent. My descent still continued… deeper… deeper… deeper. By now, I’d entered the Hadal Zone. But there was still so much deeper o go.
“8000 feet…”
This was past the depths that most whales would dive to… and I still had a ways to go.
“10,000 feet.”
This was close to where the ocean floor usually bottomed out… and yet there was still so much further to go. No. I was really only a third of the way there. How long had it been?Not much had happened beyond my descent and a few sightings out of my viewport, but time had been passing. A glance at my watch confirmed it’d been almost an hour since I’d started to sink… and I knew I wasn’t even close to the bottom yet. The submarine continued to descend, sinking ever deeper as I dropped into an infinite darkness that few had ever dared to witness.
“15,000 feet.”
This check in came later than the others. At this point, Sheila and the crew must have figured that no news was good news, and they were right. I just continued to sink peacefully, down into the crushing depths of the ocean.
These were the depths that one might normally find deep sea fish… and yet I was going somewhere even deeper than that.
“20,000 feet…”
So close…
I continued to sink.
“25,000 feet.”
Soon… and finally…
“30,000 feet. You still doing alright, honey?”
“Yeah… yeah, I’m doing good,” I assured her. I was so close…
By this point, my real work had begun. I’d engaged the lights and begun documenting what little I could see using the on board cameras. Granted, there wasn’t much life at these depths and what little there was, was scarcely documented. Most of what was down here consisted of invertebrates and microscopic life that seemed to float past my viewport.
The light seemed to draw a few creatures in search of food. Small, hardy things that resembled shrimp.
“How’s it looking, Grayson?”
“Dark,” I said, half joking. “We’ve got some life… shrimp. They’re translucent. Can’t get a great look at them… but we’ll see what the cameras pick up.”
“They’ve recognized you as a friend,” Sheila said. I could almost see the smile on her lips as she said it.
“Yeah…” I replied, “Tempura sent them a message, told them I’d be down. How am I looking on depth?”
“35,000 feet… you seeing a bottom yet?”
“No… not that I would until I was there.”
“Damn… how deep does this go?”
“It can’t go that deep…” I murmured, although I really wasn’t so sure about that.
The submarine continued to sink…
36,000 feet…
37,000 feet…
38,000 feet… and then finally, just past the 39,000 foot mark, I finally saw solid ground below me.
Looking through my viewport, I could see a familiar dark brown diatomaceous sludge, covering the seafloor. Microscopic life, likely similar to what had been observed in other deep sea trenches, such as the Challenger Deep.
I needed to gather a sample.
As my submarine reached the bottom, I extended the mechanical arms, pressed flat against the surface of the Tempura, and opened the collection port near the bottom of the ship. Slowly, I sifted some of the sludge into the port. My disturbance of the seafloor kicked up a cloud of the microbial colony, and I could’ve sworn I saw something wiggling through the debris. A pale, white thing, perhaps some sort of sea cucumber? I hastily angled my submarines camera to try and catch a glimpse of it, before returning to my collection. Even in this forlorn place, there was still so much to see! And here I was… completely forgetting my fear as the excitement took hold of me! Few people had ever been down to these unfathomable depths… and yet here I was.
It didn’t feel real but it was! I had reached the deepest part of the ocean!
“How’s it going down there?” I heard Sheila ask. Her voice was a little garbled. The connection down here was faltering.
“It’s beautiful…” I said. “I can’t wait for you to see it!”
“I’ll bet…”
“I’m going to do a sweep of the area, see what samples I can gather,” I said. “What’s my time right now?”
“Three hours. You’ve got nine before your connection to the weight deteriorates and you start to ascend.”
“I’ll make the most of it,” I said. The plan was only to stay down there for six hours, and I didn’t want to push that limit. Life support would only last me for so long, and one little error was all it would take for the ungodly pressure down here to crush me.
I began to move the submarine. Mobility was limited. This thing wasn’t built to travel far. But I still had some limited movement. I recorded all that I could, filming the shrimp that investigated my light, and the things that slithered and crawled through the muck, likely feeding on the carpet of single celled organisms that populated these depths.
The first two hours were… well… I hesitate to call them uneventful, they were actually very fascinating, but little of note happened beyond my recording of a few specimens.
Midway through the third hour though, as I was reaching one of the rock walls of the abyss, I noticed something just above the edge of my viewport swimming away from the light. I could’ve sworn I saw slender, pale tentacles of some sort. Was that a squid? Were there squid down this deep? I wasn’t aware of any species of known squid who could reach these depths… but in this unknown place, what use was the known?
I moved my light and my camera to try and catch another glimpse of it, but whatever it was, it seemed to be gone. Maybe I’d see another one. I still had plenty of time.
“You made a noise. What’d you see?” Sheila asked.
“Something big… I think,” I said.
“Down there? Like a fish?”
“Squid. You wouldn’t find any vertebrates down this deep… the pressure would crush their bones.”
“Jeez…”
I didn’t reply to that, still searching for the thing I’d seen. I shone my light up along the walls of the chasm and angled my camera up as far as it would go. I could see a few volcanic vents, spewing dark clouds into the darkness, and more diatoms. But not much else. Strange invertebrates crawled along the walls. Small creatures, no bigger than an inch long. Related to isopods, perhaps? If I could collect one as a sample, I would have… although taking any of those back to the surface would surely kill them. They were built to live under the impossible pressure of these depths. Taking them to the surface would rip them apart.
I went back to my research, and it wasn’t long until I saw something in the darkness, just on the edge of where my flashlight reached. Trailing white tendrils, snaking their way through the darkness. My eyes narrowed as I moved the submarine forward, trying to catch whatever it was in the light. I saw the shape move, its body turning… I saw its tendrils unfurling. Whatever this was, it was big. It was almost as big as The Tempura… although it was also slender. If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve thought I was looking at some sort of floating debris, but this far down? No. And debris wouldn’t move like that.
This had to be a deepsea squid… or perhaps some other type of cephalopod? Something that preyed upon the various invertebrates down here, perhaps? It seemed to float, just out of sight for a bit, as I tried to get closer. I angled up my light to get a better look at it. The light seemed to shine through it, like some sort of ghost… but I did manage to get a look at it.
Although that look…
That single look made me freeze up.
This things slender tendrils certainly resembled a cephalopod of some sort, but the rest of it… the rest of it looked like something else entirely. Its body was thin, emaciated and translucent, yet despite that it still had characteristics that almost seemed… human. It wasn’t human! Not by any stretch of imagination, but the resemblance was there. It almost reminded me of an exhibit I’d seen in a museum once, depicting a preserved, fully removed human nervous system. I could see a similar shape in its translucent body. Its head seemed almost human as well… albeit with no eyes, and a lamprey like mouth I could only describe as fleshy yet crablike.
Still, despite having no eyes I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was looking at me. And that was when I felt something hit the submarine.
I felt a sudden jolt of panic in my chest. For a moment, I thought that the pressure had started to crush me, but no… no, everything was still fine. Something had just hit me. But what? It didn’t take long before I got my answer.
Another pale creature floated past my viewport, swirling gracefully in the cold dark waters. I watched it for a moment with wide eyes, before noticing its ‘head’ turning slightly toward me. Then, almost instantly, it launched itself at the submarine, darting toward me with blinding speed.
I heard a distinct THUD as its body collided with me, and I could see its pale tendrils pressing against the viewport, twisting and writhing violently. It was trying to attack me. The first creature that I’d seen lunged as well, pounding on my submarine with another THUD. And moments later, I could hear more impacts against the hull. There were more of them… and they did not like having me down there.
“What’s going on?” Sheila asked.
“Somebody doesn’t like me…” I said. “One of the animals down here… some kind of squid, it’s just started attacking the hull.”
“How bad is the damage?”
“Not sure… could be nothing, could be-”
I felt the submarine shake as I tried to move it. The thrusters that pushed me forward weren't responding. Had something gotten caught in it? One of the creatures perhaps?
“Grayson?!” Sheila asked.
“Lost propulsion…” I said. “Fuck… I can’t move.”
“Then drop the weight and come up!”
“No, it’s fine, there’s no other damage, I can still use the port and starboard thrusters to-”
“Grayson!”
I paused. There was genuine panic in her voice… enough to make me realize that even if these things stood little chance of actually breaching the hull, taking the risk would be a fatal mistake.
“I’m on my way up…” I finally said, before reaching out to disengage the ballast weights.
Immediately, I felt myself beginning to rise, although the tentacles clinging to my viewport didn’t disappear.
“We’ve got you…” Sheila said. “Rising up to 38,000 feet.”
The submarine continued to rise, but the creatures clinging to me went nowhere. In fact… I was sure I could see more of them. More pale shapes coming up through the darkness, and these ones filled me with dread. I thought I had been looking at some sort of eerie undiscovered life. But seeing what was coming up toward me now… I knew that I was looking at so much more. The creatures swimming up toward me through the darkness carried weapons… makeshift stone spears and daggers. Primitive tools… but tools all the same.
Signs that these were more than just undiscovered animals.
Much. Much more.
The word: ‘Mermaids’ crossed through my mind, but these were something far different than the ones I’d heard of in folklore. These looked like they’d swam out of the depths of hell itself. Boneless pale tendrils reached for me… and they were getting closer. The pale shapes reached my submarine as I rose higher. I kept praying to whatever God may be listening that the dropping pressure would force them off. The air in a submarine is pressurized, so during normal operation, there should have been no danger of decompression sickness for me.
For them… well… normally I’d feel a little guilty about subjecting an undiscovered species of deep sea mermaids to the horrors of the Bends. But given my circumstances, I didn’t have a lot of other options.
They didn’t let go, though.
They should have. But they didn’t.
What were these things?
I saw a splayed hand press against my viewport. Or… it somewhat resembled a hand. It had suckers on it, like a tentacle and the ‘fingers’ curled open like tentacles. The creature crawled over my viewport, clinging to The Tempura as it rose, and I could see the folds of its crablike mouth opening and pressing against the glass. I could see some sort of bile rising up through its translucent throat, before it secreted it all over my viewport. Was it trying to digest me? Was that how these things fed? How strong were its stomach acids? Were they strong enough to-
The window cracked.
My heart skipped a beat.
“No… no, no no…”
“Grayson, what’s wrong?!”
“They cracked the window… S-Sheila they… oh God… oh fuck, they just…”
“THEY DID WHAT?”
“It’s secreting some sort of enzyme… it’s on the window, it’s… FUCK… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die… I’m gonna die…”
“You’re not gonna die, baby! Just… just keep ascending, okay? You’re at 30,000 feet… just keep going…”
I nodded, and kept on rising, although the question of whether or not the rest of the creatures were trying to digest the other parts of my submarine floated through my mind. How much damage could The Tempura take before it imploded? How much longer did I have? The submarine still continued to rise… 25,000 feet… almost halfway home… almost… almost.
The creature outside of my viewport slithered along the glass, searching for a better area to try and digest. Past him, I noticed a few of his companions dropping off. Maybe the change in pressure finally was getting to them?
From the corner of my eye, I suddenly noticed a flashing light. A warning. The hydraulics on one of the Tempura’s arms were shot… what else was damaged?
I checked my oxygen levels. 32%.
I should’ve had at least 14 hours of air. I’d only been down there for about 6 hours… I shouldn’t have been this low.
31%.
No… no, no, no, no… they’d damaged the air tanks!
30%.
29%
“20,000 feet!” Sheila said. “You still with me, baby?”
“Y-yeah…” I said. I didn’t mention my air situation. I didn’t need to worry her further.
The submarine continued its ascent.
15,000 feet.
24%. I was running out of time.
The creatures still clung to the Tempura. How had the pressure change not killed them yet? My oxygen was dropping faster than before. I was hemorrhaging air. Another crack formed across my viewport. I let out a little, involuntary gasp before trying to force myself to stop hyperventilating.
“Grayson, what was that?”
“I-it’s fine…” I stammered, “It’s fine!”
“Grayson what the hell is going on down there?!”
“They’re still on the submarine… they’re still…” I paused, looking at my oxygen levels. “19%...”
“19% of what? Grayson what’s going on!”
I paused.
18%.
“Air… I’m… I’m losing air…”
“That’s fine, you’re going to make it!” She said, although I heard her voice cracking a little. “You’re gonna make it!”
I didn’t answer.
12,000 feet.
11,000 feet…
My oxygen level continued to drop.
15%.
14%.
12%.
9,000 feet.
The creatures still clung to me, as the submarine continued to rise. The one on my viewport was still there, slowly crawling along the glass again. I stared into its eyeless face and swore I was looking at the face of my killer.
7,000 feet…
Oxygen had dropped to 9%. It dropped to 8% before I even got to 6,000 feet. I was going to die here…
The viewport cracked again and I squeezed my eyes shut. The submarine rocked. I was sure one of the thrusters had been damaged. My ascent slowed.
“Grayson, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry Sheila…”
Another crack spread across my viewport.
“I’m… I’m not making it back up…”
“YES YOU ARE!”
“I’m sorry…” The tears started to come as the reality of my death became clearer and clearer… this was it.
“YOU’RE COMING BACK UP, YOU HEAR ME! GODDAMNIT, I’LL BRING YOU BACK UP!”
“I love you…”
That creatures face pressed against the glass. It vomited more of its stomach acid onto the cracked glass, and I wondered if this might finally be what broke it. Part of me hoped it would be… the one good thing about dying this deep was that at least I’d die quickly. My suffering would be over. Then, the creature suddenly pulled back, twisting and writhing violently. I saw other shapes moving past it in the water, other ‘mermaids’ that had been clinging to the submarine.
Something was agitating them.
Something was scaring them off.
Then I heard it, over the radio… whale songs.
“What the hell…?”
“Grayson, are you still there?!”
“I… they’re finally breaking off. Sheila, what did you do?”
“I’m broadcasting some of the orca recordings we’ve been using. Are they still clinging to you?”
“No! They’re backing off! I… whatever you’re doing, keep doing it!”
The submarine kept rising.
5,000 feet.
4,000 feet.
4% oxygen.
I could still do this, right?
The submarine continued to rise.
3%.
3,000 feet.
2,000 feet.
2%.
1,000 feet… so close… I was so close…
I could almost see the surface through my viewport, rushing up toward me. I tried not to breathe. Tried not to move. All I did was hope.
500 feet.
I closed my eyes.
“Grayson we have your signal, we’re coming to pick you up!”
Sheila’s voice sounded so far away as my submarine finally breached the surface of the water… and with the last of my strength, I pulled the emergency release on the hatch, and threw it open, taking in lungful after lungful of fresh salty air.
I didn’t dare so much as touch the water beneath me… but I was topside again, and in the distance, I could see The Burger!
“We see you!” Sheila said, “We’ve got you baby… we’ve got you…”
“I see you too…” I said through the tears. “Thank you… thank you…” I didn’t have any words left in me after that.
As soon as I was back on the ship, I collapsed into Sheila’s arms, breaking down into tears as I clung to her, terrified that at any moment, some sort of unspoken other shoe would drop and I’d lose her all over again.
“Shh… it’s alright baby… I’ve got you… you’re safe… you’re safe…” I felt her fingers running through my air and I knew that what she said was true.
I was home.
I was safe.
***
I left my colleagues to review the data that the Tempura gathered during its short expedition. As far as I know, they haven’t published anything. I have a few ideas as to why, but I’ll keep those to myself. Let’s just say that some people would rather this information not become public.
I have a feeling that the Tempura may not be diving again for some time, if ever. I will confess that I do consider that a bit of a shame. Despite everything… I would consider it a success. It endured far more stressful conditions than I had expected, and from what I heard, required fewer repairs than I’d thought it would. But, even if it was approved for another dive, it wouldn’t be me piloting it. No. I will never be setting foot inside of that machine again, nor will I ever be returning to what my colleagues have been quietly referring to as ‘The Jenner Trench’.
I can’t.
Every night, I wake up crying after dreaming of pale shapes outside of my cracked viewport, clinging to Sheila and sobbing. I can’t put myself in that situation again.
I can’t.
Instead, I think I’m going to spend the next few years on solid ground. There’s a teaching position available at a local university. I think that might be the best place for me right now. Who knows, maybe I can help some other deadbeat discover a passion for marine biology.
After everything, my love for the sea remains unchanged… I’m just a little more wary of it, these days.

I’m not too sure if this is the right place to post this. Hell, I don’t know if anyone’s even gonna see it. I want to start this off by saying that this story isn’t to be taken lightly. I don’t want you to read this and try to copy what is done, instead take it as a warning. A warning to never play this game, a warning I wish I had gotten before I made that mistake.
I lived almost my entire life in the middle of Delaware, if you forgot that was a state I wouldn’t blame you. In my neighborhood there were 3 kids I always played with everyday. Kyle, Jimmy, and Seth. Our houses were close enough to each other that we played together whenever we had the chance.
We did all the typical things a couple 13 year old boys would do. Swimming in the local pool, going to the Walmart and buying nothing, or just hang in one of our basements and being jack-asses. It was almost a Disney-like childhood. Sleepovers were nothing new for us, I think we had one almost every weekend. What was new was not having any parents there to watch us.
Seth offered to host the next one and included that his parents were gonna be gone for the night. They were staying down at the beach and told Seth it would be fine for him to invite us over. Fine for him, not so much for the rest of us. I think me and the other guys pleaded and begged our parent’s multiple times to let us go.
Our parents knew each other and trusted us but the idea of 4 pre-pubescent boys being alone in a house was any parents worse nightmare. Somehow, by the grace of god, they agreed the night before. After all this time, I still wish they had denied us. Maybe things would have ended differently.
I wanna tell you about the events that happened that night that changed me into who I am. It changed my life and every families that was involved in it. This is the night I played Hide and Seek with my friends.
“Hide and Seek? Won’t that get boring with just 4 of us?” I asked suspiciously as I took a handful of Doritos from the bowl on the table. It was about 10:30pm when Kyle suggested we play a game so we could try and stay up later.
“Yeah man and besides, we have an Xbox.” Jimmy pointed out. Seth came walking down the basement with some sodas in hand, almost dropping the cans
“What are you guys talking about? You better not be thinking of touching my controller with your greasy hands Jimmy, not after last time.”
“It was an accident! I got you a new one.” Jimmy responded before chuckling a bit.
“No guys, I saw this on the internet a few nights ago. We have to try it.” Kyle said. He almost sounded like he was pleading with us.
Kyle was always the kind of kid to believe in spooky things. Ghost, werewolves, demons. You name it, Kyle probably believed it. I remember one time he somehow got us all to go in the woods with him during the winter to look for dog people that a YouTuber said was out near us. We all got the flu after that.
“Oh god, another one of these? Is it gonna be like that dog thing again?” Seth chimed in.
“It’s not like that, this one is real. I promise dude.” Kyle seemed genuine about it. I almost felt bad as the other guys called him stupid for it.
“Alright man, we try your game for a bit. Then if it’s a bust, we play Xbox.” I suggested. Kyles face lite up as he got some paper out of his bag.
“Who said you were in charge of deciding when to play my Xbox?” Seth questioned. I just shushed him as Kyle got some more stuff out of his bag. Candles, lighters, a knife. I would have hated to see what would happen if we said no to his idea.
“Alright, first. We gotta turn all the lights off. Not a single one can be on during the game.” We looked at each other before we went off to get the house started. I had been in Seth’s house almost as much as mine but there’s strangeness to it when the lights were all off. We got back to the basement where we found Kyle lighting the candles and placing them on the ground around the paper. As we sat around him I could see some words on the paper. “Ready or Not, here it comes”
“What’s that for?” I pointed as Kyle placed the last candle down.
“That’s to start the game. I saw these Indian guys play it and they said you have to start the game just like this or it doesn’t work.” Kyle answered as he slowly pulled the knife up and turned to face us.
“Now, we have to cut ourselves.”
“Like Sarah from home room?” Jimmy chuckled
“I thought that was a rumor?” Seth remarked as he leaned towards Jimmy
“Guys! Focus! Just a small prick on your finger. Then you put it on the paper.” Kyle demanded as he slowly pressed the knife tip into his finger
“This feels very, extreme. Is this safe to play?” I asked, seeing Kyle whence as blood slowly pooled on the top of his finger
“I think so, the guys seemed like they were having fun when they did it.” He held the knife towards me next, the guys watched as I reluctantly took the knife and plucked my finger. I did encourage us to play this for Kyle sake, I couldn’t chicken out now. The other two did the same, Jimmy had more tears then the rest of us but when he finished he handed the knife back to Kyle.
“Now?” Seth asked, rubbing his finger on his Pokémon pajama bottoms.
“Now, repeat after me.” We all listened to Kyle and repeated
“ 1, 2, 3. Ready or not, come find me.” We stared at each other. Silence filled the basement as our eyes kept darting to see if anything happened.
“Do you hear that?” Seth whispered We listened as the most quiet fart escaped him. He fell on his back and laughed. Jimmy joined him and so did I. We laughed and laughed, I looked to see if Kyle found it as amusing but was met with sadness. He looked almost heart broken, I knew he lived for these kinda things and for it to not work most have broken him. I moved to him and smiled
“Hey, at least we didn’t have to sit out in negative degrees to get results this time huh?” He smiled slight back
“Yeah I guess you’re right. I don’t know how those guys made it look so convincing.”
“CGI probably, my dad says that’s how most things are done like that.” Seth said as he got up to go turn the light back on. Before he hit the switch, a loud thud filled the room. I’ll never forget the look on his face as he rushed back to the floor where we were all sitting.
“W-what was that?” Jimmy whispered to me. I didn’t know what to say until Kyle reluctantly chimed in.
“It’s him, the seeker.” We sat still as another thud could be heard. Like it was right above us.
“What the fuck dude? S-Seth? Did you invite someone else over? Duncan or Josh maybe?” Jimmy was frantic with his questions as his eyes filled with tears.
“No, it’s him.” Kyle answered before Seth could respond.
“Who?” I asked
“The seeker. The person who plays the game with us.”
“Well tell him we don’t wanna play anymore.” Seth demanded, making sure to keep his voice down.
“We can’t, they said he plays until everyone is found.”
“What do you mean until we’re found?” I asked, I kept looking at the stairs. My brain was trying to wrap around what was happening while also trying to keep reason in it.
“It’s like hide and seek. We play until we’re all found or he can’t find us.” Kyle answered
“Ok, let’s go get found so the game can be over.” Seth tried to stand before Kyle pulled him down.
“No, we don’t wanna be found. Bad things happen if we’re found.” Kyle looked at the carpet as he said it. The thud got louder, almost like it was searching the house.
“Ok, ok. Then we should just stay down here right? If we hide down here it won’t find us….h-how long do we have to hide man?” I stuttered as I waited for Kyle to answer.
“I…I don’t know.”
We sat there in silence, thuds and crashes from upstairs made the silence somehow louder. I had wished it was all a prank. Seth and Jimmy loved pulling those and Kyle was usually the target for them. But I knew it wasn’t that, I knew this was real. I don’t know how it was but at that moment there was something upstairs, tearing the house apart trying to find us.
We stayed like that until Seth finally spoke “Let’s run.”
“What?” Kyle mumbled out, his face covered by his hands. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.
“Let’s run, the doors not to far from the basement entrance. We unlock it and run to a neighbors.” Seth looked for nods or any sign of agreement. Jimmy nodded and I slowly shook yes. I looked at Kyle, grabbing his leg and squeezing it.
“Come on man, we’re definitely faster than it. We’ll be out before it even sees us.” I smiled at him.
He looked up and slowly smiled, nodding. We all slowly moved to the base of the basement stairs. Looking down into a dark basement is scary, but looking up into a dark house is another whole kind of fear. I don’t know how long we took going up those steps but it felt like ages, we were slowly ascending into what could be our end. Seth held the doorknob and just stared at it. I knew he didn’t wanna be the one to open it, to potentially be the one to see what ever it was that was on the other side. I scooted around Jimmy and slowly turned to knob.
The door silently opened, the house was almost pitch dark. The only light we had was from the moon herself, shining into the windows and illuminating the destroyed house. He quietly but quickly moved towards the front door. I peered into the living room to see the chairs and couches turned upside down, some side table doors ripped off they hinges.
“Hurry up man.” Jimmy urged Seth on as he fumbled slightly with the deadbolt. I looked to see Kyle slight behind, close to the basement door. I moved over to get him ready to run
“Let’s go Kyle, we gotta get-“ I almost finished my words as I watched his face turn from scared to horrified. I turned slightly to see Jimmy on the floor crawling away from the door.
I’m not sure even after all this time how to describe what we saw that night. I had wished it was just a man. Some man that was in the house with us but it sadly wasn’t. The best I can try and give a description is to think of a Picasso painting. It had a crookedness to it. Its arm jagged and legs crumbled as it towered over Seth. Seth didn’t move, he didn’t try and fight. All he could do was stand there and look up to see its eyes peering down at him. It picked Seth up and like a rag doll threw him into the living room. A mean and disgusting noise came from his body as he hit the wall of the fireplace. I quickly got Jimmy to his feet and Kyle to snap out of his gaze. Me and Kyle ran to the bathroom as Jimmy made his to the kitchen. I locked the door as I tried to catch my own heart from jumping out my chest. “J-Jimmy? Where-“
My question was shortly answered as I heard Jimmy whimpering and crying outside the room. I unlocked the door and peaked out the crack. I watched “it” linger its way towards him and all I could hear was wet sounds. I quickly shut the door and relocked it. My mind didn’t really process what had just happened in what couldn’t have been more than 3 minutes. My two friends I had been with almost my entire life were gone, just like that. I sat on the cold tile floor as I listened to the thudding from outside. My breathing was dull as I looked to see Kyle shaking by the toilet. I slowly moved my self over and gave him a hug. I knew what he was thinking, I knew the horrible things he was saying to himself in his mind. I didn’t know how to tell him that what was happening wasn’t his fault. I’m not sure that even now I could find the words to tell him that.
“We’ll be fine, we just gotta stay here. It won’t find us.” I tried to reassure him.
“No, it will find us. We can’t stay here.”
“Kyle, Seth and Jimmy are dead. We can’t go back out there and run. I don’t know why we thought it would work.”
“No we…we…I need to get to the basement.” Kyle said, he looked up at me.
“Why? It’s a dead end there. It will-“
“Maybe, I can try and end the game. Rip the paper up…something, I don’t know.” I didn’t know what to say.
On one hand it was the only idea we had besides hiding and waiting to be found. On the other, I couldn’t bring myself to put that hope in his mind. To encourage him just to watch as it fails, He knew this as he came to his own conclusion.
“I’ll go down there, and you head for the coat closet. If it doesn’t work I’ll run back up and I’ll head there to hide with you. Ok?” He nodded to himself. I just stared at him as I nodded back slight. We stood up and slowly unlocked the door. It wasn’t anywhere we could see, which made it all more frightening. We slowly made our way to the basement door
“Good Luck” I whispered to him. He smiled and went our separate ways in the house. I quickly got in the coat closet that was almost directly in front of the basement door, and Kyle made his way down stairs.
That was the last I saw of Kyle, it wasn’t long after I heard loud thudding outside the closet door that quickly went down the stairs. All I could do was sit there, and listen as I heard the silent screams and the pounding of flesh over and over and over again. Soon the hits became more wet, and the screams became more silent.
I sat in the closet and accepted my fate. I slight covered myself with a fallen coat as I heard the thudding move around the house. It was only a matter of time before it got me, before it ripped the door open and I would be met with its horrifying figure. I looked out the slits of the closet door and saw the moon light shining through the windows.
I’m not sure when I fell asleep or even how I did. My body must have been so exhausted that it decided sleep was more important than survival. My eyes slowly opened to see daylight peering though the house. The night was gone and the day had come to save me. Although I was relieved I still forced my eyes shut. The small amount of what I saw was enough to make me do it. I saw the closet door was open, I didn’t wanna have them open as it might slowly peer from the corner and look at me. I didn’t want my last image to be that. I just kept them closed and covered my ears. And then I felt it. Thuds.
I could feel the thudding get closer, closer, closer. Two hands grabbed me, this was it. My flight or fight kicked in and I started to fight. Kicking, hitting, screaming. Anything I could think of I was doing.
“Calm down son, calm down. You’re safe.” Those words hit me like a wall, a calmness I hadn’t felt since the day before came over me. My eyes slowly opened to see the face of a young man kneeling in front of me, his hands holding my arms. He was a police officer.
“It’s gonna be alright.” He reassured me again as he slowly brought me to my feet. He walked me out of the closet and faintly said “Keep your eyes down kid, I’ll lead you out.” I think he said it more for himself, cause I knew what he didn’t want me to see.
Seth was laying in the living room, he’s body bruised from the impact with the wall and his bones broken.Jimmy was on the kitchen counter, multiple wounds and slashes were found on him. Kyle…I’m not sure what really happened to him. The reports on his body never came out. I just know I’ll never forget those sounds from when I hid in the closet.
Seth’s parents moved away almost immediately after the incident. Just left, didn’t take a single thing from that house. It was later taken down, I guess no one wanted to live in a house where something like that could happen.
I saw Jimmy and Kyles parents every once and awhile when I walked around the neighborhood. They would give me small smiles and waves and I would return them back. No more, no less. After high school I moved away for college, my parents knew why and never argued that I should stay closer.
That was a little more than 15 years ago. Few weeks back my dad called to tell me mom had passed away. He offered if I wanted to stay at home for the funeral, stay in my old room. I hesitated. I thought of that night every day for the past 15 years, never really bringing myself to wanna be back in that neighborhood. I refused and opted for a hotel a few miles away in town.
And that’s where I am now, in my bed writing my tale. I want you to take it as a warning, cause as I write this I know I’m not alone. It’s here, it’s in the closet of the hotel room. I can just make out its outline. It’s crooked legs crouching to fit inside, its arms slight poking out from some clothes, and its eyes staring at me. It knows I see it, and it knows I’m writing about that night. I’m not sure why now it decided to finish the game from all those years ago but here we are. Once I finish and close my laptop, it will kill me. My father will have to bury his son just moments after burying my mother.
I say this again, this tale is a warning. If I could I would go back and tell myself to never play that game. I would tell my parents to never let us have that sleep over. I would do everything in my power to stop that night from happening, to be able to save my friends. So please, I beg and plead to you, don’t play this game. Cause if you do, whether your ready or not…
He’s coming to find you

So my father used to own a cabin. In fact he used to own a lot of different properties. Which I suppose is just a roundabout way of saying that we grew up with money. Where things get a bit complicated is how he actually made that money.
The line that he constantly fed us was that he was an accountant running his own firm in an office in the city. Long hours, lots of business trips. We never saw him much. And whenever we did, he always seemed tired, his eyes perpetually bloodshot, as if he were always trying to force them to stay open.
He was sent off to prison right after I’d finished my first year of college.
The sentence? Fifteen years, for washing hundreds of millions of dollars for numerous cartels. Two weeks after he’d been booked, my mother committed suicide. As it turns out, she’d been helping him out through the entire thing and was facing some time herself. I guess she didn’t want to deal with all that and took the drastic way out.
A few months later, the government had seized pretty much all his property.
All of it, except for that cabin in the woods.
It took a long time for me to feel normal again. But eventually I managed it. Went back to school and graduated with a good enough GPA which allowed me to snag some shitty office job a few months later. But it was enough to pay the bills.
Fast forward about another year and I’ve basically scrubbed that entire sequence of events out of my brain. It took a little bit of therapy, a lot of psychedelics, but I finally did it, to the point where I was comfortable enough to go back to that cabin, the one place where I’d see my father for more than a few weeks at a time during our summer trips.
I decided to take along three of my friends from Uni - Jack, Pedro, Randy.
We drove down there at the beginning of May. The road leading to the cabin hadn’t been maintained at all and as a result, it had become borderline undrivable. I decided to save my vehicle the stress and parked in a nearby lot, leaving us about a one-and-a-half-mile trek through the woods, which really wasn’t so bad.
Our time in the cabin was pretty much spent getting drunk and stoned, and by the third night we had completely run out of food.
We decided to take the thirty minute walk over to the nearest rest stop, where I knew that there was a 24/7 diner. So we go there, eat our meals, and on the way back we notice a burning smell in the woods, as if there was a bonfire raging about nearby.
Of course that was a bit strange given that it was around 2AM. But we didn’t think too much of it at the time and we kept walking.
It was only when the smell continued to grow stronger as we got closer to the cabin that we understood something was very wrong. Soon it had become suffocating, and we could see the night sky tinged with orange in the near distance.
I felt my heart drop into my stomach and immediately I was sprinting, my worst fear realized as I reached the clearing where the cabin was located.
Completely up in flames, plumes of dark smoke blending in with the night.
It was a mix of different emotions that hit me all at once, the combination of them creating a sense of dread so deep I hadn’t thought it possible.
After reeling myself in, I called 9-1-1, with the operator telling me that the fire department would be on their way but wouldn’t be able to reach us for at least thirty minutes. The four of us walked away from the cabin in silence, getting far enough so that the smoke was no longer scratching at our throats.
Around ten minutes later, we noticed that the orange tinge in the sky had suddenly disappeared. And I mean suddenly. Like, gone in a single blink. I thought I might’ve been hallucinating, but it was clear from their expressions that my friends were seeing something similar.
Cautiously, we started making our way back towards the cabin, noticing that the smoke was no longer heavy in the air, having cleared up considerably. Once we reached the clearing, it had disappeared altogether.
I looked ahead, my brain working overtime to comprehend the sight before me. The cabin was no longer on fire. Burnt to a crisp, sure. But the raging, overwhelming flames that had been consuming it just minutes prior had somehow completely fizzled out.
The four of us looked between each other, as if to confirm we were all still seeing the same thing.
Using the flashlight on my phone to survey the damage, I found pretty much what I’d expected. Complete destruction. Absolutely zero hope of recovering anything.
I started taking some deep breaths, trying to calm myself down when I heard Pedro yelling out from the other side.
“Guys… where the fuck did this thing come from?”
We all walked over to him. Nestled in the debris was the corpse of… something. A monstrosity.
It was about the size of a bear, with the sections of its body that weren’t burnt showing pale, clammy skin with deep cuts etched throughout it, in what looked to be some kind of crude pattern. Its head had been smashed in, leaving nothing but an abnormally wide bottom jaw which was still baring long, black teeth. It had an uncountable number of long, thick arms that it was using to hold something that resembled a human infant, one that appeared to be completely unscathed, devoid of any burn marks. The longer I stared at it, the more that I was convinced I could see it breathing.
It was a bizarre enough sight to put us into a near-trance. What eventually snapped us out of it was the chanting.
It was barely noticeable at first, slowly escalating in pitch until it was clear that there were several human voices shouting in unison. Their tones were animalistic, their words strung together with just the bare beginnings of a rhythm. It sounded like they were speaking English, though I could hardly make out anything they were saying.
The strangest part though, was how quickly it was getting closer to us. Definitely not a walking pace. It was more like a sprint.
The four of us shared a quick glance between each other and immediately there was an understanding.
We ran like bats out of hell, tripping over branches, our own feet.
But eventually we reached my car, all of us scrambling to pile into it. As I was fumbling for my keys, the chanting had become deafening, to a point that hardly made sense. It sounded as if there were speakers lined up in a circle around us, all blasting that horrible noise.
And the second that I had put the keys into the ignition, things went silent. I found myself holding my breath as I looked up, my eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness until what I was seeing was unmistakable. Several figures standing completely still at the edge of the woods. All human-shaped but far too large to be people.
All the air being held in my lungs flooded out with one big exhale and I slammed the vehicle into drive and took a sharp turn before speeding the hell out of there, refusing to look in the rearview until we had made it into the highway.
I drove until I had reached the rest stop, which was now hosting an absurd number of police cars. I parked, got out, and approached one of the cops, asking if they were here because of the fire.
The cop shook his head. “Fire? No. Has there been a fire?”
I explained the situation with the cabin to him, deciding to leave out the creature and the chanting for the time being.
The cop nodded slowly, his expression remaining largely the same throughout.
“Alright,” he said. “We’ll look into it. And then give you an update in the morning. For tonight, just get a hotel or something.”
We exchanged numbers and I thanked him. As I began to walk away, he called out to me.
“Hey, can I ask you something?”
I turned back around.
“Yeah,” I said. “Sure.”
“Do you happen to be (my dad’s name)’s son?”
For a while I just stared at him. Eventually I nodded.
“Yeah,” he said. “I thought I recognized you.”
“I don’t understand,” I told him. “I’ve never seen you before.”
The cop took a deep breath before taking a quick look around. “Come here,” he said. “Come close.”
Tentatively, I did so.
“I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even know everything. But I think you should have the right to know the truth about your father. All of the stuff that’s happened here tonight, all of the shit that you’ve seen… it has something to do with him.
He took another look around before continuing. “Cartels, right? Was that the story they told you? It’s not so creative. But I guess it doesn’t have to be creative to be believable. Cause the shit that he was actually mixed up in… you would not believe unless you’ve seen it for yourself.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked.
“Look, I have your number. I’ll be in touch tomorrow morning. This is something I’m curious about as well. Maybe you can give me some answers, point me in the right directions. But not here. So get out of here before people start noticing you. And stay safe.”
I didn’t feel like staying in a hotel that night, so I drove back into the city, dropping everybody off before arriving back at my own apartment.
Of course I couldn’t sleep that night, my eyes wired open into the morning as I waited for the officer to call. He still hadn’t by the time that noon rolled around and so I tried calling him instead.
No answer.
Eventually I did receive a call from the police, telling me that my father’s cabin had burned down and that it was due to a forest fire.
I told them that wasn’t possible because there had been no forest fire and that I suspected foul play and wanted it to be investigated.
“It’s already been investigated,” are the exact words that the officer told me. “Don’t worry about it. Just get in touch with insurance. Go over your options.”
And before I could say anything else, he had hung up on me.
It was a mixture of anger and curiosity that compelled me to drive back down there. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for the road leading towards the rest stop to be blocked altogether. There were two cop cars guarding the barrier, with a single officer signalling any vehicles approaching to turn around.
I pulled over to the side of the road and after some careful deliberation, I decided to get out and approach him and ask what was going on. Just to see what he might say.
When I finished the question, he stared at me for a long time. Uncomfortably long.
“Emergency construction,” is what he eventually told me.
After that encounter, I pretty much dropped trying to figure things out.
Some weird things have started happening to me since. Every night, I swear I can hear a baby crying in the apartment across from mine. The apartment that I thought had been occupied by a pair of college kids who definitely do not have children.
That cop that was supposed to call me finally did, a few nights ago. When I answered, I was met with dead silence on the other end. Nearly thirty seconds of it until the line clicked dead.
There’s an abandoned house sitting across the street from my apartment building, one that’s supposedly been there for years because the development of the store meant to take its place keeps getting delayed.
Somebody has started staring at me through its second-floor window. Whenever I catch them doing it, they’re quick to close the blinds, so I can never catch any details. But I know that the moment I turn away from it, their eyes are back on me.
I can’t confirm that any of these things are related. Whether it has anything to do with my father.
I just know that I don’t want to deal with it and that I want it to end.

This is my weekly routine. Also getting 22k steps in on workout days. With 20min Incline Treadmill 15 Incline at 3.5
Typically workout are 70mins
DAY 1 Back and Biceps
Pull-ups with chair assist 3 x 12 Bent over Barbell Row 3 x 8 -12 Wide Grip Pulldown 3 x 8 - 12 Dumbell Row 3 x 8-12 Shoulder width Pulldown 2 x 8- 12 Sitting close grip 2 x 8-12 Rope Cable Pullover 3x 8-12
Reverse Grip Pulldown 3x 8-12 Machine preacher Biceps Curl 3x 8-12 Incline Dumbbell Curl 3x 8-12 Bar Curls 3 x 8-12
DAY 2 CHEST AND TRI
Everything 3 x 8-12
Barbell Bench Press PecDec Incline Bench Press Incline Flys Dumbbell Bench Press Cable Crossover Incline Pushup
Triceps single arm Pulldown Over head rope Triceps Rope pulldown Skull Crushers Chair dips
DAY 3 SHOULDER AND TRAP
Seated Dumbbell Press 3 set Facepulls 3 set Lateral Raises 5 set Bent over raises 3 sets Cable Lateral raises 3 sets Rear delt fly 3set Front Raises 2 sets
Barbell Row Superset with Srugs
DAy 4 LEGS ABS
Single Leg Calf raises 3set Squat 3 sets Leg extentions 3 sets Leg Curl 3 sets Leg Press 3 sets Calf raises on Press Machine 4 sets Lunges 3 sets Hack Squat or Goblet Squat
Sit ups Hanging Leg raises Cable Twist Bicycles Cable Crunch
I than do I 3 day rest days while I watch the kids with 15k steps.
Any advice would be great

My sister went to live in a small town in the Pacific Northwest about a year ago. Contact with her ceased 10 hours after she had left town. Her phone would go straight to voicemail and I couldn’t file her as missing, as I hadn’t even gone there to make sure she was okay myself. But when I entered that small sleepy village, I didn’t think I was going to be leaving.
The fact is she hadn’t told me specifically what town, but modern technology prevails and before she moved she had forgotten to stop sharing her location with me. At least the location was active for the 10 hours after she had left our shared apartment. The location was a road coursing through the dense pine forests, and the closest town was only a few miles North. It was a start so after a few days of ruminating, worrying and telling myself that she’s fine, she’s an adult, she doesn’t need me to baby her anymore, I caved to the worry and packed my bags.
The long drive from our hometown of ***** in Idaho was adding to my stress, if only speed limits were not a thing. I drove into the town of ******** as night was falling and the dense forests around me began to feel as if they were closing in on me. The town was quiet, and to be honest I couldn’t see anyone. A few signs flashed on and off which presumably meant that despite the deserted streets, people were most likely dwelling inside the diners and bars that were sporadically placed.
I pulled into the diner which had the most cars parked in the lot, stepping out of my car and briskly walking to it as it begun raining. The smell of pancakes, cigarettes and coffee hit me as I walked inside the door, along with the warmth that flooded over my cold limbs. The customers sat in their plaid shirts, sipping on their beverages, and looked at me in somewhat disdain. Outsiders I guess. I sat on the corner booth, and the waitress came over to me; a much less disapproving expression on her face thankfully. I ordered a diet coke and a stack of pancakes as after that drive my belly was louder than the chatter in the place. Whispers now, as if I had walked in on some secret group meeting that fronted as a family diner.
I tried ringing my sister again, hoping that perhaps it may ring this time. But it didn’t. I ate my pancakes, as I felt eyes on me with each bite. Once I had finished, I paid and left them, hearing the chatter intensify as the door shut behind me. It was 9pm and I had pre-booked a BnB about five minutes up the road. It was a quaint little colonial, with inviting amber light emanating from inside. From the empty parking lot I assumed I was to be the only guest that night, and I pulled my suitcase from my trunk, dragging it across the gravel courtyard.
As I got to the top of the stairs I realised there was no BnB sign or anything really that indicated that it was a BnB. No vacancy sign, no usual indications of it being a professional establishment. I twisted the doorknob and entered the ‘lobby’ which seemed to lack a reception desk, and very much looked as if I had simply walked into somebodies home. Silence. At this point I was certain I had inputted the wrong address, and seeing as it was a small town the fact that the door was unlocked was not so out of the ordinary. I turned and left, dragging my relatively heavy suitcase down the porch steps and back to my car. Before I managed to open my trunk, an elderly woman's voice came from behind me.
“Why you leaving dear, come on inside. I have just baked a fresh batch of Snicker doodles.”
I turned to see the lady, who looked very much like a stereotypical grandmother with her coifed hair and flowery apron.
I followed her as she escorted me back through the front door. At this point I was ready to collapse on a soft bed, my eyes were sore and my fingers felt as if they were about to snap from the cold air outside.
“I will take you to your room after you’ve tried one of my snickerdoodles,” the lady said as she gestured for me to follow her to the kitchen.
“This is the ***** BnB Isn’t it?” I asked as I sat on one of the chairs around the little round table she had in the middle of the kitchen.
“Yes of course. Would you like milk with your cookies dear?”
I ate the complementary cookies as she watched each bite that went into my mouth, before she asked the question that ultimately would lead to the cascade of events that made me never, ever want to visit a small town ever again.
“Where’s your invitation?” she asked as she tapped her fingers against the table.
“Invitation?” I asked. “You mean my booking number?”
“No dear, your invitation to this town. No one comes here without one.”
“I don’t have one, I only have the booking number for this hotel.”
When I said this the woman’s homely demeanour soon changed. She looked irritated, angry, and went to the phone that was hanging on the wall.
“Who are you calling?”
She turned back to me with wide eyes, and as I swallowed it felt as if one of those delicious cookies was lodged in my throat.
“I don’t know about an invitation, I have my booking number, I paid for the room.”
The lady didn’t look back to me when I said this and stood with the phone against her ear.
“There is a young lady here without an invitation,” the woman said. “Yes, no invitation.”
The woman started tapping her foot on the floor as she grew impatient with whoever was on the other end of the phone. At this point I got up, and backed into the hallway where my suitcase was still sitting by the front door.
“She’s leaving! What do you want me to do! I cant run after her, I had a damn hip replacement!”
I at this point, as anyone would do, ran to the front door, and picked my suitcase up as I heard her yelling intelligible things at the phone.
I ran to my car, shoved the suitcase on the passenger seat, and reversed out of there, as my heart was nearly bursting through my ribcage.
I drove back the way the diner was, not knowing what I was going to do. I couldn’t just leave here, my sister was somewhere and if this was how the locals were, I sure as hell was going to find her and take her back home.
But at this point I had nowhere to sleep, and it wasn’t like I could just drive to the next town over, which was hours away. I was sure to have crashed the car in my state of panic and sheer exhaustion.
I composed myself as my shaky hands held onto the wheel, and decided that f it. I would have to drive to the nearest town, whatever was going on here, whether I was just paranoid or what, felt very off.
But as I came to the road that led out of town, I noticed the orange lights of a roadblock, warping in the rain that started to pelt down harder.
I stopped my car and got out to speak to the people standing in front of it, placing cones and signs.
“I need to leave, is there another way out?” I yelled through the almost deafening sound of the rain.
“No Miss. you’ll have to get a hotel tonight.”
“Why is it blocked?”
“Something on the road. There’s a BnB up the road.”
I ran back to my car, wiping the rain out of my eyes. What on earth was going on, and one way out? They had to be lying or something. I turned my phone on and of course because of the rain, and impending storm, no signal, no maps.
I did a U turn, the road had to come out somewhere else up north. The town could not just be a one way in, dead end out.
I drove past the BnB, up the main road as my wipers were struggling to keep up with the pouring rain.
And thats when I realised that the main road at least was one way in. The road stopped randomly, blocked by pines that lead into a forest. I didn’t want to stop there, to I turned down a road to the right, just praying please please please get me out of here, I’ll come back in the daylight but please tonight just get me out of here.
The road began to get bumpy. In the distance I could see lights and through the intermittent vision I had of the road, I could see a church. I parked and got out of the car, hoping that the church might offer me some sort of shelter. I ran through the rain as the wind worked against me. I rapped on the old wooden door, yelling for someone to open it, all while looking back at the black void behind my car from where I had come.
After a few minutes, I heard the clinking of a lock and stepped back. A friendly face of a woman peered through a gap and she looked up at me.
“How can I help. Its 10Pm.”
“I have nowhere to stay, and that BnB down the road was not very inviting.”
“Invitation Hm?”
“Yes, you know about that?”
The lady opened the door and gestured for me to enter. The wind howled through the church even when she had shut the door, and there was candles placed throughout.
“Is the woman ok in that BnB?” I asked the lady.
“The woman. Miss, you came to the wrong place, and I’m not sure what I can do to help you.”
“The wrong place?” I asked as I felt completely as if I was about to break down and cry from the fear of what on earth was going on.
“You can stay here, and I will help you however I can. But it’s me and a few of my friends against that town. I cant promise anything.”

The rift between them has caused a lot of tension in my family and now my mom wants to be in the life of her newborn grandson but refuses to address or try to mend things with my wife.
Little history: I probably introduced them too quickly. My grandmother was in town in south Florida about to move here from Illinois for a retirement community. My wife, girlfriend at the time, came with cookies or some form of baked goods like she usually does when visiting someone as a sign of affection and respect. Where it went wrong from here I have no idea. I suppose the initial crack was when wife scheduled a skitrip for her and I to have as a 1 year of dating anniversary present. We are not rich, this is a huge gift that made sense to her since I refused to let her pay rent. Our combines salaries are barely over 120k. So wife calls mom 6 months in advance because she is a planner for the sole purpose of asking my mom to watch one of our four dogs. Wife has already paid in full for the trip. Yet Mom decides it is a great idea to instead use the opportunity to hop on and take a family trip because it is the last time the family will have for a family vacation - I am the oldest of two boys and two stepsisters, my mom married the guy she left my father for who has twin girls of his own that were in the womb during the infidelity. Anyway mom completely takes over and decides to make our one year gift a family vacation, so she books tickets for a hotel nearby. Wife is bold but at the time not bold enough to stop my mom in her tracks for overstepping a boundary. At this time she still respected my mother and kind of let herself get steamrolled.
Probably skippable Family history: Now I have always had issues with my mother, resentment for leaving my father for my stepdad behind my own fathers back and constantly trying to keep brother and I from seeing “Disneyland dad who doesn’t do any of the work but gets all the fun.” my mother was very strict growing up, always bringing us to church and making my father feel guilty for not bringing brother and I on his weekend. So mom marries stepdad age 11, divorces him around 13 after asking me advice for her relationship and i encourage her to move out. Then remarries him and moves us back into his house age 15. Here I begin rebellion and normal teeenager stuff but stepdad won’t butt in because he isn’t my “biological father” so would have my mom intervene brother and i from behind the scenes. For example, I am young and messing around on the piano because music is important and I never had any formal training and mom comes in to tell me stepdad “wants to know when the concert is going to end because it is a little annoying.” Anyway, they have me prescribed adderall at 16 and in the parking lot holding my first prescription I am told that they would like me to move out and in with my father, who had chased us every time mom and stepdad moved several miles away (5 moves from age 5-15 all in one county). Anyway, brother and I are recovering alcoholics with (my) slipups triggered from interactions or visiting my mom, which mom claims is genetics from my father alone and has nothing to do with her. Maternal grandfather, mother, and I have some nasty temper problems which certainly are exacerbated by drinking (at least mine and moms).
Skitrip revelations: Wife and I are on the way to brothers graduation in Chicago, and wife has yet to reveal to me that my mother has taken over her massive investment of a couples ski vacation and it will now be a family vacation for mom, stepdad, brother, two stepsisters who are all getting out of gradschool. On the way to the airport I am told the news by future wife of my one year surprise. So I get upset and call my mom to call it off. She obliges my request and now holds resentment against me and now wife for “ruining her last family vacation.” Fine, whatever. Mother never says a word about it for months until we are out for a distant family members birthday dinner and at a table of about 8-10 people that are having a group conversation and gets real close to my wife’s ear and tells her privately along the lines of “you deprived our family of our last family vacation.” During this time my wife is frantically tapping my leg under the table because my mom can get a little aggressive. My mom saw this and later (privately to me) mocked her for doing it to my leg under the table.
Christmas blessings: Closer to Christmas maybe 2/3 weeks later we went to go see my mom and my mom had a couple drinks in her (not an alcoholic like brother and I just very sensitive to a couple glasses of wine and occasionally some hidden sips of wine or something) and invites my wife to Christmas church and out to dinner after because the family needs photos for a Christmas card and future wife “will be the photographer for it.” Now this can easily be a nothing comment but given the way my mom had been making future wife feel, it was taken as an insult. So wife declined church and showed up to family dinner just in time for photography session to be over.
The distance: Then mom moves to a fancy house up the coast and invites us up to visit. At first it is ok to bring the 4 dogs then the day before she says they will not have dogs at the house and we can easily find a sitter. 2 Dogs don’t get along, they need to be separated always as there has been two attacks on one from the other, so we can’t trust someone to come to the house and keep them separate and we won’t board 4 dogs it’s too expensive for us. Anyway we go back and forth being invited with the dogs then they retract the offer and say pick one dog to bring and leave the others and it’s just annoying, so we say forget it and don’t go. But my brother becomes engaged and decides to throw his engagement party at my mom’s new place near the beach. Great. First all the dogs are welcome, then day before they say it is too chaotic and she will pay for a small hotel room for one night for future wife and her dogs and my one (the attack dog) can stay in a crate at the house with me but I may not leave the dog to stay with her. And no reasonable cheap hotel in the area is going to accommodate 4 dogs. Anyway wife is stressed but feels obligated to come because I am the best man and I stay at the house while she checks her dogs into the hotel. Wife had made a cheesecake and brought it up in a separate car from me, 4 hour drive by the way, and night of.. my mom says no desserts for engagement party dinner, the dessert is themed or some crazy stuff. Wife shows up to dinner a little later and very flustered because of the situation plus I had relapsed on a bottle of whiskey a couple days prior to seeing my mom. Related, I don’t know. Anyway. Mom has had a couple drinks and future wife and I are talking about having children and religion comes up. Mom asks what we were thinking of doing about baptism or not and I jokingly said (guiltily to get on my moms nerves a bit) that he would have a bris and would love it if she would come to the bar mitzvah. now my wife’s mom was forced to convert from Catholicism to Judaism for her own mother in laws acceptance for a failed marriage so wife is not religious, but it hurt my wife and reasonably so when my mom replied “oh, son, I raised you better than that.” Still no acknowlegement of fault from that comment and mom thinks wife is “overly sensitive, dramatic, and childish” for wanting an apology for it.
Weddings: Future wife becomes current wife. We had gotten engaged on our next anniversary trip she planned for us. I proposed on our bike and barge through tulip season in holland with our feet in the water of the North Sea after a picnic in the dunes. her family business manufactures photo albums for professional photographers, so aside from our families all being divorced, estranged, difficult, and us trying to save money, we did not have a wedding, we just did the paperwork within a month of the proposal. I had already decided to have a baby with her before the trip so we were trying. 2 weeks before brothers wedding in Tennessee we become pregnant, so we break news immediately as to not steal limelight from brothers expensive wedding. Mom says she will cover cost of rental car so we can save money. Ok great. She books the tiny car and we pack it and head up the Smokey mountains to the cabins we are staying at. Two cabins for grooms family, one for his mother and one for his father, ten paces from each other: they havnt spoken but twice im since divorce in 1995 but through lawyers. Grandmother, mother, stepdad, 2 stepsisters and one boyfriend stayed in mom’s side. Wife and I stay at father’s side cabin with just his wife. His Wife’s 3 daughters and family’s stayed a town away down the mountain among extended family. Anyway, beautiful wedding takes place. My wife is sent into town to collect flowers and run errands for my mom which she happily obliged to since she is a solitary person and did not want wedding day drama. Day after, we are loading our rental sedan with our bags. Mom and grandma need a ride to the airport and our flight is before theirs so they will drop off the car for us 4 hours or so after we go to the airport 5 hours from current time. We’re loading the car. Stepcousin passed out in mother’s cabin night before and needed a ride. Disorganized brunch for 20 people is trying to be made. Father’s wife’s daughter books a reservation for 10 people which include her family, her sisters, me, my wife, dad, and their mom. My stepdad had left for home at this point as he had taken his own suv instead of flying with my mom and 90 year old grandma. So mom is trying to pack grandma in the car with bags and my wife and stepcousin. At this point mother asks stepmother if she and grandma are on reservation for the brunch. Stepmom says no they are not, she wasn’t sure of their plans. Mom says under her breath “fucking assholes, so typical,” and she goes into a bit of a rage to which my stepmom says here “it’s ok I will call and add you two it’s no big deal.” So we continue packing the car and realize we won’t all fit. So my wife tells my stepcousin to go ride with my father to the restaurant 10 minutes away we will meet you there. Mom says to wife, “no you go with the father.” Wife says “no I am going to ride with my husband” mom gets close to her face with her finger and says “this is my car, you can fucking Uber!” Wife is 6 weeks pregnant at this point and it all escalated from here. wife and mother start yelling at each other swearing at each other and we get into the car, mom behind wife who was in shotgun. 2 occasions on the trip I had to stop the car because mom had taken off her seatbelt to stand over the seat and scream in my wife’s face with so much vigor that spit came on to her face multiple times. I’m trying to tell them both to behave and mom sit down shut the f up. Mom is telling wife to get the f out of the car and find a ride, she has no right to speak because she’s “new here” (dating and living together for 3 years at this point). The following brunch she apologized in a crowd with a hushed voice at a table of 20 people trying to have a group conversation again privately to my wife “I’m sorry you get so upset” and my wife told her “that is not an apology.” The following several hours in the car with grandma and stepcousin and wife were some of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. At a gas station I pulled my mom aside and said I need ther to give a huge apology, that it was so nasty and inappropriate, my brother and I are used to abusive language and aggressive behavior but to my pregnant wife and any other human being it is disgusting and unacceptable. Sitting in the car was quiet for many hours until we got to the airport. No speaking about what happened just mom happy go lucky about Tennessee and Dollywood and wife and I in shock, cousin still half in the bag from a fun wedding, grandma 90 years old probably confused about what happened.
The family groupchat: Im waiting on an apology from my mother to my wife who is extremely hurt and expressed to my mom loads of time she needs to reach out and apologize. We’re not talking until she will do so. It is bugging me and keeping me up at night. My appendix flares up and I am admitted to the hospital with emergency appendectomy. Still pregnant Wife suggests I reach out to mom to let her know what’s going on. So I text mom I’m at the hospital and will have surgery. I send a pic or something that on my end says hasn’t gone through. Mom group texts our family group with stepdad, his daughters, brother and his wife, and grandma that I am in the hospital and attaches the pic I sent of me in there. Then she continues to rave about the success of her startup company and how they got FDA approved clinical trials finally completed or some pivotal moment that made the text about her. Wife and I are in a hospital so the picture comes up on moms end as unable to have been sent. Mom assumes that my wife has blocked her phone, so mom removes my wife from the chat. Wife is rushing home to take care of the dogs at this point and is not alerted on her phone, but on everyone else’s phone it clearly reads “(mom) has removed (wife) from the chat.” Immediately I text my mom and basically say how dare you do that to her she is the one who insisted I let you know out of respect and mom responds with blah blah she did this she did that I will not have it. So I go back to the family chat and remove mother. At this point I let everyone in the chat know what my mother has done and how she refuses to take responsibility for how she made my wife feel, address her feelings, apologize or do anything at all to reach out about the wedding incident or even inquire about the wellbeing of the pregnancy for her first grandchild. Stepdad finally steps in and tells me “enough.” Grandma says “shame on you.” I am dumbfounded. This is a hush hush family that hates to have anything out in the open and likes to maintain a picture perfect image. For examples; 1) I and wife were on the family Christmas card of a photo taken at the wedding that the whole world received except for wife and I. 2)brothers alcoholism was to remain hidden from the family as was his rehab treatment and how it affected his career. Now understand that they like to keep things quiet but that is not how I want to handle my problems, these things trigger alcohol use and violent outbursts on my part that I no longer wish to live through. Now appendectomy’s are pretty simple so I recovered quickly (it don’t rupture we just took it out). But during the time I was scheduled to be under anesthesia, stepdad reaches out to wife to have a chat and clear the air. Wife waits until I come to so i can be there and I hear the conversation. He claims to be here as a middleman like a business meeting to fix things once and for all. Wife and I are like wow great. He then proceeds to double down on my moms behalf that they will not be apologizing or meet any of her demands as she had already apologized as confirmed by 90yo grandma who was in the car and my mother herself. The term he used was stalemate to describe the situation. Wife and I are shocked but she has me keep quiet to show me what he will say. He proceeds to yell at her and they were screaming at each other, again steamrolling the conversation assuring us that he was down the middle yet maintains that mom has made a sufficient apology that needs to be accepted and wife needs to grow up and move on, then wishing her luck with the baby and a nice life. Next day I call stepdad to see how it went. He reassures me that he has done all he can and everything is back to normal. At this point I call him out and tell him I was conscious and explain to him what an apology is. But there is no dialogue with this guy like there is no dialogue with my mother. He proceeds to talk loudly over me like she does and basically call me a piece of shit for the amount he and mother have done for me. I speak to him first time like I never have before by calling him a hands off father and a pussy of a man who finally reaches out while he thinks I am under anesthesia to yell at my wife then pretend it’s cool, and I basically tell him he has never done a single thing for me to try and develop me into a man or nurture me as a child into an adult, but he thinks taking me on fishing trips and ski vacations are equivalent to love and nurturing growth and development just like my mom does. I reassure him that he has no right to talk about family being that he ruined his own as well as mine and couldn’t even tell my dad to his face that it was him who was sleeping with my mom behind his back when my dad came to him very upset as a friend when he got an anonymous phone tip at work one day. Then him and my mom laughed about it in court when my dad brought it up during the divorce. We ended with swearing and I felt very happy for finally giving my true feelings to him.
The birth: Months go by and nobody has said a thing. I can’t sleep at night seeing how much love I am getting from my father and his side for the baby, and my wife’s family, then thinking about how my own mother hasn’t reached out a single time. I’m dreaming about beating up my stepdad and it’s driving me mad. So weeks before the due date I reach out to my mom begging her to clear things up and apologize to my wife. Nothing. A week later i tell her how disappointed and abandoned I feel and want her in the family. Nothing. Baby comes a couple days early. Everyone is excited. Mom texts me begging for photos and to let everyone know. I tell her my brother and two stepsisters have received photos. I ask her to please reach out to wife she still needs to make amends for what’s happened between them and all she needs to do is reach out. Mom’s responses have been defensive, derisive, projecting, playing victim and referring to herself as a kicked puppy. Telling me my wife needs to apologize to her and making the conversation about mother son instead. She is beating around the bush. And she is sending me photos of my own baby that I did not send her. Her friends are congratulating me that I did not tell. Again she is pretending that everything is ok and it is not. She asked me to apologize to her husband for what I said on the phone that day. I said ok, watch this. So I sent the guy a message that was very apologetic and not passive aggressive or backhanded comments in any way. Still my mom won’t say anything.
Now: Baby is 6 days old. He is the best thing in my life and I wish my family were involved but it seems like I am living in a fantasy world where everyone can be happy together. I can be a jerk and have a terrible relationship with my mom, but I want more than anything to just feel loved enough where she can swallow her pride and make amends with my wife. Thats it. And she asked the other day to put a family group chat so everyone can be involved… for real? I know she is stressed with a high pressure job, but it seems heartless to me. She asks what big items she can get for the baby. Mom, baby is here we have everything for a couple months already. I said the biggest thing you can do is reach out and have a heart to heart with my wife so this rift can end and we can at least be cordial if you two can’t get along. I don’t think it will happen.
How do I mend this relationship between my wife and my mother?

Genuinely I was concerned about Chloe the whole time. From the moment I picked her up she seemed like she was annoyed and didn’t really want to be there. I knew she was tired and needed food, she gets visibly hangry. When we went out later that night, I could feel her being closed off not really engaging with us. She is recently sober again but the plan was always to go out. My other friend Lia who came to visit and I would have some drinks and I would introduce them to friends I’ve made in town saying goodbye to them. I understood that may have been triggering and hard for her. So I didn’t push her to be energetic and gave her space to feel her feelings. By the time we went to see my bf at his work she was checking her boyfriend’s location and saying she felt like he was lying to her about what he was doing. He didn’t answer her call so I figured that would be a thing for the rest of the night as she doesn’t let things go like that. I thought she was worrying about him since that’s the only thing she mentioned. I wanted to distract her from that, get her to dance, and asked my local friend Izzy to help me get her out of her head. I was asking Lia how she was cause she was hardly engaging with me. Lia said she’s okay there’s just a lot going on. I knew she wasn’t having a fantastic time but I thought she was trying to or would tell me she’s not. I thought she was out on the phone with her bf when I didn’t see her. I wish she would’ve used her words to tell me how she was feeling instead of her demeanor. If she wanted to leave I would’ve said of course. I was anxious since the moment she asked for my keys. I was like what for? She said she just wanted to sit in my car. I tried to ask her what was going on but she was already on the way out. Again I assumed it was her mood in general and her bf cause never said anything else to me. She was mad at me for doing something I didn’t know she thought I was doing. She is a grown woman who can advocate for herself and what she needs. She was mad at me for not focusing on her. She can tell me what’s bothering her. We were supposed to be celebrating a huge accomplishment in my life and it feels like she made herself the center of attention. I may have been a little selfish to want to enjoy our time and try to distract Chloe from what was bothering her instead of confronting her. But she didn’t seem to want to talk about it.
I wanted to go to a certain bar solely because Ben and his sister were there. I told Ben that Chloe would be in town and he said he and his sister were super excited to see her. I figured she would like to see a friendly face but she said she didn’t care to see him. Ben and his sister love her and since she didn’t want to speak to them I did.
I was very hurt by her words and how she was avoiding everyone all day after my graduation ceremony. Even after I graduated I didn’t really hear her say a word. My mom just told me she wasn’t even sitting with my family and other friend at the ceremony. She had left and gone somewhere else and never came back to her seat. No wonder I felt anxious instead of happy at my own graduation. I would have loved to spend time with her but she didn’t seem to want to or talk to me. I didn’t really want to be around her after feeling her anger towards me. So I didn’t push her, she could come to me when she was ready. I can’t be responsible for her happiness. I can’t read her mind or know what she’s feeling if she doesn’t make it clear. I’m not used to having to prod people for answers. If I feel something I’ll say it.
I only went out on Saturday for two hours after dinner because Lia said I should enjoy my last night here. She asked me if I was going to and I said I didn’t want to just leave you at my house. Chloe said she was going to nap and Lia said she wanted to relax and get ready to leave. If I had stayed I would’ve just been sitting on the floor of my room. She said I should go and I was encouraged to enjoy myself but I promised to come back when the ride was arriving. I did so to make sure they got their ride and if they didn’t show I would’ve driven them down to the airport myself. I wanted to say goodbye and thank them for supporting me on an important day in my life. I suppose I shouldn’t have came back. Maybe that blow up could have been avoided, if I didn’t come back when no one was getting back to me after I asked if they were getting ready. I said I would so wouldn’t that be mean to not come back? Even if Chloe hardly said a word to me the whole day. I don’t even remember how her yelling started. I just remember she was being brutally mean but I wasn’t really surprised. I was hoping she would have just talked to me but yelling and threatening me is more common with her than it should be. I just remember snippets and her telling me to shut up, that she was going to punch me in my face and lunging towards me. She pushed her chair back and walked away until the car came. I was bawling my eyes out after. I stand by what I said to Lia, why would I want a friend who threatens to punch me. Lia started crying saying I didn’t deserve that and she was sorry that just happened. That she loved me and was proud of me. I was crying for hours and shaking. I had a horrible day the next day as well and will probably continue to for a while.
This is not the first time Chloe has made me think she would hurt me physically. She threatened me during our roadtrip around 4 years ago when she was drunk. She yelled said something along the lines of me being spoiled and dependent. She accused me of having sex with the Europeans in the tents near us after I was on the phone with my parents crying. I came back and she told me she’d hurt me if I tried to get in the tent. I didn’t want to sleep next to her after that so I snuck in the tent after she went to sleep and cried sleeping as close to the edge of the tent as I could.
She said a lot of horrible things to me and her blow up was disproportionate to what she perceived happened. What she thought happened was not intentional but her reaction was. If she sees me as spoiled then so be it. I know many people who have it better than me and those who don’t. But if I didn’t have the support and love from my family that I have, then she wouldn’t either. She was my foster sister at one point in our teens. My dad has been the kindest father figure in her life and always considered her a daughter along with our other friend. I’ve been fortunate to have the family I have and I wish I could change her circumstances. Saying she didn’t recognize me? I’m glad she doesn’t, since moving away has helped me grow. I was timid for years when we were friends and would cater to her and let her be the center of attention. I’ve since become a strong, confident woman who has the bravery to live my life the way I want to and not be afraid to take space in the world. I feel mentally well and happy with who I am which has taken me some time. I’ve been enjoying my years in college and making new friendships. This ‘new me’ that she said she doesn’t respect is a better me. A more comfortable and complete me. Someone extroverted and kind, loved and enjoyable to be around.
It was my graduation weekend and it was known that we would go out and I would be saying goodbye to my friends. I have made a lot so I was constantly being distracted. If that makes me a party girl, weird but okay. I can party and be responsible. She can’t put me down for that when I haven’t done anything worse than she has. Feels like as soon as she gets sober she looks down on people who don’t choose to be. So what if I was a little drunk, I have every right to be. We might’ve been out later than expected but most people wouldn’t hold that against someone if they didn’t speak up to wanting to leave. Telling me you want to sit in my car and not hey I’m not feeling great let’s go makes me confused. That’s not something I deal with, where I have to guess someone’s meaning.
This weekend was going to be a big party whether or not she was sober as the visit was planned before that. The whole graduating class seemed to be out and celebrating. If she didn’t want to be around drinking, I would have understood. In that case maybe she shouldn’t have come. I didn’t technically invite her, she planned to come on her own. I appreciate that but this weekend was going to happen as any graduate would have celebrated it. I would have been sad to not see the people I’ve actually spent time with over the past two years. She has visited over spring break so she knew what my town could be like. I can’t change my plans for her when it was my last chance to see my friends. Considering I would be back in home in a week I thought it was understood that I would be spending time with people other than her and having some drinks to celebrate. I was excited that my best friends would get to meet people I’ve connected with and see the downtown life that I had experienced since working at a bar there. I spent as much time as I could with my best friends but I’ve made more friends since who I had to say goodbye to. I thought that celebrating meant helping me have a fun time on my last weekend in a place that I didn’t really want to leave yet. We weren’t always alone but that can’t be expected. We would have alone time when I came home.
In her text on Tuesday, she accuses me of needing help for ‘my substance abuse.’ Where she got that from considering I was being responsible, not overdoing it, and not blacking out which is her issue with alcohol (which I’ve never done) I have no idea. I guess I’m not allowed to have the ability to drink when I’m celebrating or any other time. She’s really reaching especially since our experiences with her vs how we have been. I’ve never judged her for getting as drunk as she gets which has sometimes been very uncomfortable and night ruining. When I came to visit in January, I was happy to drive and be responsible, let my friends get drunk as they want. No judgement. It’s a problem when I drink but fine when she does? She did not have a good experience in college because she was being in her interpretation a ‘party girl.’ Still no judgement when she had to drop out and come home to leave the coke and drinking behind there. But judge me on my graduation weekend okay. I should’ve been more drunk.
Essentially how could she react like that? Blow up because she felt like I hurt her feelings when she didn’t tell me what was wrong. Feelings I didn’t know I was hurting by trying to celebrate my graduation. Well she really hurt my feelings on the very day of the biggest accomplishment of my life - intentionally. I know she’s going through a lot but that’s no reason to yell and threaten someone with violence before even talking to them.
I apologize if some of this is rambling or me being harsh towards her. I sympathize with her struggles and always have. It’s very fresh and it hurt me more than any other incident with her. I was excited to have my best friends with me on my graduation day but I felt no love from her.

I purchased a soundbar from Vizio, the SB36512-F6, years ago, for around $500.
This soundbar had some minor problems initially that Vizio attempted to correct over time with firmware updates. As this is the norm with modern technology, I trusted that they would eventually rectify the small problems. Unfortunately, the problems became worse with each new release, introducing new problems. Unbelievably, the last firmware update Vizio released was pulled after a few days, as it was significantly worse than the other releases. Those of us who updated (which was an automatic process if you connected your soundbar to the internet) are stuck, as Vizio has no method of downgrading firmware.
Amazingly, they simply gave up on the entire series. No firmware improvements has been made available since the last (which they pulled), two years ago.
I have been stubbornly fighting with this device all this time, because it can work, and when it does, it's great. But I am really frustrated that Vizio basically made my experience with this device worse over time, and then abandoned it.
I'm wondering what suggestions others might have for such a scenario. I can dig up dozens (if not hundreds) of comments from owners of this series of sound bar (on reddit, facebook, AVS forum, etc.) with similar anecdotes. I can also film my own experience, showing the different problems occurring and the steps I need to take on a regular basis to accommodate/resolve them.
Is that my best recourse? Doing so, and then suing Vizio in small claims court?
In the grand scheme of things, $500 isn't really much. I could simply buy another soundbar. Honestly, it's just the fucking principle of the matter--the fact that Vizio left me (and a bunch of others) stranded after spending our money with them makes me angry.
For context, here's a link to the Vizio subreddit regarding the last (official) firmware for this series: https://www.reddit.com/VIZIO_Official/comments/qryabs/sb3651_and_sb4651_f6g6_firmware_update_v131061/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Edit: As an example of the problems this soundbar faces, when I adjust the volume up or down, I need to mute and then unmute in order for it to apply the volume change. It also periodically will not recognize input from my TV (power on to a black screen.) It will also occasionally fail to handshake with my Chromecast with Google TV (plugged directly into the soundbar), and will tell the CCGTV that the soundbar isn't capable of Dolby Atmos decoding (so only 5.1 shows up in content, and if played, plays 5.1 audio instead of Atmos, which is easily discernible as an LED on the soundbar lights up white or teal depending on the audio encoding being decoded.) These problems can generally be resolved by unplugging and replugging the soundbar (reboot), which implies to me that it's a handshake or memory leak issue (as after a reboot, it will work fine, until the next day, where these problems occur again, and I have to start over.)