How to unblock a shower

TW: mental health and mention of SH.
I’m 22. I have a very bubbly personality, i care deeply about people thats why i invest my time into anyone i befriend. I cope with humor, escapism or isolation.
I keep noticing that the more im helpful, present and giving towards others, the more im subjected to apathy. People tend to hold me into a high standard and immediately dehumanize me once i can’t maintain reaching it.
I recently had a friendship breakup with a good friend of mine after i cancelled last minute to a hangout. They have BPD, they removed me and restricted me from seeing their stories and stopped replying to my texts and calls afterwards. Before removing me from their spam, they posted a good amount of stories talking about how all of their friends aren’t there for them and how lonely they are. In addition they posted a photo of a ruined bouquet of flower they were supposed to gift me during the hangout, they destroyed it because i cancelled. I did so because i was exhausted mentally and needed a break, i tried my best to get my mood up to go meet them but i failed. I took a shower and a nap. Nothing helped. So i texted them cancelling the meeting. That triggered a split within them and they texted me back saying that they wish i told them sooner and that they got flowers for me. I repeatedly apologised and even made a custom game for them to make up for my mistake. I said “this mental health can go to hell” (about mine) and that i will come to the hangout regardless of how depressed i felt that day, they declined and then ghosted me. I had been ghosted, restricted and removed for a good two days, then i remembered how one of the stories they posted was about SH and a mention of suicide. Even though i replied offering help and even asking them to just react to my texts if they dont feel like texting me, i still felt extremely guilty because i triggered that split. I also felt scared and partially mad because i had other ex bestfriends who would send me unsolicited SH pics or one that faked suicide over me not giving her attention because i had finals to revise for. My thoughts were telling me to just cut this friendship off Because i no longer have it in me to bear people’s breakdowns. I didnt want to do it out of impulsivity so i dmed and called multiple people about this situation. I have other friends with BPD who supported my decision to cut this friend off and many others said “if i were you id run away”. So i blocked this friend from everywhere, but before doing so i texted them a long text expressing how i dont harbour anything against them despite what them ghosting or restricting me, the majority of my text was expressing gratitude over the time and the things we did together. I also expressed how scared and guilty i was and how i don’t deserve to receive all that treatment because i cancelled. That’s it. I moved on. But later after that i noticed how all of our common friends were blocking and unfollowing me, i felt weird so i unblocked the friend and texted them saying that i blocked them without letting them say anything and that if they had something to say to me id be down to listen in order to get to closure about this whole friendship. They replied saying that they’re disappointed in me, i have no heart or feelings, i should go to hell, etc etc. And about how they just needed a break but i took it too far by cutting them off. They hated that i was quickly able to emotionally detach myself and leave. I explained that i had no clue that what they needed was a break. I also told them that i based how they reacted and treated me on how they were to other friends they hated. They replied “why would you assume that” i said i had nothing else so i jumped into conclusions, i also said that there has been a miscommunication about this whole thing. They told me “you decided to leave so leave, you’re an evil person” and then they blocked me. Fast forward i took a break off social media and just completely went back to isolating myself and rejecting every and each opportunity to see people or to get close to anyone ever. I got flashbacks of them saying that im an evil person each time i try to make a new friendship, go on a date, spend time with my friends and so it goes on. I got haunted by the idea that im a terrible person that should stay as much as possible from others to not hurt them. I was bed rotting, depressed, mad and sorry for myself. Because even if i expressed that i was going through shit they still replied saying that i don’t deserve empathy because im still a hurtful person for cutting them off.
I am writting this to know if im a people pleaser or just a straight up ahole. I want to know what i can better about myself in order to prevent this from happening again, and to stop being haunted by flashbacks of their replies.

TW: mental health and mention of SH.
I’m 22. I have a very bubbly personality, i care deeply about people thats why i invest my time into anyone i befriend. I cope with humor, escapism or isolation.
I keep noticing that the more im helpful, present and giving towards others, the more im subjected to apathy. People tend to hold me into a high standard and immediately dehumanize me once i can’t maintain reaching it.
I recently had a friendship breakup with a good friend of mine after i cancelled last minute to a hangout. They have BPD, they removed me and restricted me from seeing their stories and stopped replying to my texts and calls afterwards. Before removing me from their spam, they posted a good amount of stories talking about how all of their friends aren’t there for them and how lonely they are. In addition they posted a photo of a ruined bouquet of flower they were supposed to gift me during the hangout, they destroyed it because i cancelled. I did so because i was exhausted mentally and needed a break, i tried my best to get my mood up to go meet them but i failed. I took a shower and a nap. Nothing helped. So i texted them cancelling the meeting. That triggered a split within them and they texted me back saying that they wish i told them sooner and that they got flowers for me. I repeatedly apologised and even made a custom game for them to make up for my mistake. I said “this mental health can go to hell” (about mine) and that i will come to the hangout regardless of how depressed i felt that day, they declined and then ghosted me. I had been ghosted, restricted and removed for a good two days, then i remembered how one of the stories they posted was about SH and a mention of suicide. Even though i replied offering help and even asking them to just react to my texts if they dont feel like texting me, i still felt extremely guilty because i triggered that split. I also felt scared and partially mad because i had other ex bestfriends who would send me unsolicited SH pics or one that faked suicide over me not giving her attention because i had finals to revise for. My thoughts were telling me to just cut this friendship off Because i no longer have it in me to bear people’s breakdowns. I didnt want to do it out of impulsivity so i dmed and called multiple people about this situation. I have other friends with BPD who supported my decision to cut this friend off and many others said “if i were you id run away”. So i blocked this friend from everywhere, but before doing so i texted them a long text expressing how i dont harbour anything against them despite what them ghosting or restricting me, the majority of my text was expressing gratitude over the time and the things we did together. I also expressed how scared and guilty i was and how i don’t deserve to receive all that treatment because i cancelled. That’s it. I moved on. But later after that i noticed how all of our common friends were blocking and unfollowing me, i felt weird so i unblocked the friend and texted them saying that i blocked them without letting them say anything and that if they had something to say to me id be down to listen in order to get to closure about this whole friendship. They replied saying that they’re disappointed in me, i have no heart or feelings, i should go to hell, etc etc. And about how they just needed a break but i took it too far by cutting them off. They hated that i was quickly able to emotionally detach myself and leave. I explained that i had no clue that what they needed was a break. I also told them that i based how they reacted and treated me on how they were to other friends they hated. They replied “why would you assume that” i said i had nothing else so i jumped into conclusions, i also said that there has been a miscommunication about this whole thing. They told me “you decided to leave so leave, you’re an evil person” and then they blocked me. Fast forward i took a break off social media and just completely went back to isolating myself and rejecting every and each opportunity to see people or to get close to anyone ever. I got flashbacks of them saying that im an evil person each time i try to make a new friendship, go on a date, spend time with my friends and so it goes on. I got haunted by the idea that im a terrible person that should stay as much as possible from others to not hurt them. I was bed rotting, depressed, mad and sorry for myself. Because even if i expressed that i was going through shit they still replied saying that i don’t deserve empathy because im still a hurtful person for cutting them off.
I am writting this to know if im a people pleaser or just a straight up ahole. I want to know what i can better about myself in order to prevent this from happening again, and to stop being haunted by flashbacks of their replies.

I had a roommate a long time ago who I got along well with at that time. But we went different ways in life. I got a graduate degree, he didn't, he ended up quitting his cooking job and was eventually living out of his car, using his baby momma's bathroom for showering and toilet. She was nice enough to let him do this. He had an extremely bad drinking problem and spent what little money he had on hookers. He hit me up after years of not talking.
I unblocked him, as I do, because the last time he hit me up it was to ask for money.
This time he was calling me incessantly and demanding I pick up saying "it's important". So I give in and talk to him. Turns out his brother killed himself earlier that year and he wanted to talk about it. Naturally he had been drinking and his brother's death also involved a lot of alcohol. I talked to him for a while and this is how I got involved with him again.
Later, I stupidly moved back to the same town we met in which is the town I'm from. Here I saw him and it was very weird. He was very distant and treated me like a mark - someone he could make money off of or swindle in some way. It was very eery. Unlike how I remember him from 12 years ago.
I stopped talking to him but saw him one other time since then. He's moving rocks around at someone's garden in exchange for their tax preparation services. He has a lot of deals based on the goodwill of others who feel sorry for him. It's the basis of a lot of his business and living situations.
The other day I was upset about a job loss and looked in my phone for someone to talk to. I used the same line with him he used with me. "It's important".
Not only did he not call me that night, he didn't call me the next day either. The next night he texts back "what's so important?". Yeah. This is a really great friend here /s.
I call him back and explain no it's ok I already talked to someone else about it and briefly explained what happened. He said "well you're not going to dwell on this and just move on right?" Bitch this JUST happened and you're already acting like it's such a huge inconvenience that anybody mentioned this to you.
I am so unbelievably angry. When he called me upset about his brother I talked to him for HOURS. Literally hours. Several times. I couldn't get rid of him. When I got off the phone he was like "just call me back later ok" and shit like that. Now if anything happens to me he's immediately like "don't dwell on it and move on".
I want to go choke him out and drag his face through the gravel. But I am not going to and I'm going to take a deep breath. Ten deep breaths and I'm going to go outside and calm down. But I just wanted to vent about this here.

TRIGGER WARNING ————————————
I have this strong gut feeling that my NDad sexually abused me when I was really young. It’s been getting stronger ever since I realized that it might have been him. I have just known that I was sexually abused as a kid for while but I don’t have any actual memories of it. I started to struggle with intense shame whenever I was 3. I would scream and cry when people in the room would laugh bc I thought they were laughing at me, and one time screamed at a lady to not look at me when she called me cute. I have ADHD so I have always felt different but I went from getting my mom and I kicked out of baby yoga because I kept getting on the stage demanding attention to being ashamed of existing in the span of a year or two. My dad has always had this disgusting possessiveness over me. I have a memory of me being on the toilet when I was about 7 completely naked and staring at him in the shower and I realized about 3 months ago that he was hard when the memory popped into my mind for the first time in a while. I had a problem with wetting the bed for a bit and I was hyper sexual from a young age. Most of my memories up until the age of 5 are me alone with my dad. I idolized him for a long time because he made me feel special. Now he despises me because I am my own person and don’t tolerate being treated like shit (but he does know how to manipulate me into letting him back in). I just have this disgusting feeling when I’m around him and I feel so much shame. His dad was an addict and sexually abused as a child by a priest, and I think that trauma may have been passed down to my dad. I am so frustrated because I can’t remember the act of it actually happening so I can’t know for sure but I just feel it in my gut something is WRONG. I had a nightmare two nights ago where my dad was sexually abusing me and when I woke up it wasn’t like “that was bizarre”, it felt like something that actually happened. I feel crazy. If I were able to remember and told my Emom she would probably get angry with me and tell me I’m being ridiculous and she would 100% choose him over me. I wish there was a way for me to remember more. All I have is this horrible feeling both emotionally and physically, memories that have disturbing or confusing feelings, and memories of just disturbing feelings. I know it’s a big accusation so I feel guilty for even talking about it with my boyfriend, let alone posting it. But I don’t know what the hell to do. In my heart I know something really bad happened. But I don’t have the actual memories and I already struggle with trusting my reality so how will I ever know? I’m dependent on my parents for health insurance at the moment so I can’t go no contact even though I think it would be best (but the thought is scary). My dad is currently lovebombing me because I blocked him months ago then unblocked him when my Emom guilted me about not being with the family for Mother’s Day. It’s not working because I know he’s a narcissist now but he does get to me sometimes. I don’t know what to do. I love my dad, but I also hate him so much and I’m so hurt by him because of the way he has treated me ever since I started to think for myself. I don’t know how to trust myself when I don’t have specific memories. All the signs are there, but what if I’m wrong? It would be a horrible horrible thing to be wrong about.

For some context, I’m a 17 year old only only just finished college. I don’t live with my dad and live have lived with my mum until only recently moving in with my grandma (mums side) as we didn’t want her to be alone after my grandad died in march. I also see my dad on weekends. Me and my dad have drifted apart ever since an argument just over 2 years ago over us having different opinions. My dad being the guy he is, took it way too personally and shouted and degraded me for it. When he apologised, he saw me crying and then shouted at me again just because I was crying. He didn’t understand that it upset me and instead shouted at me more and talked shit about me to my sister and his fiancé downstairs and told me to get out of the house.
Now to the story. When my grandad died, it was obviously heartbreaking for all of us on my mums side of the family. When he died, it was emotional and stressful to say the least. Just 2 weeks later we had the funeral and the main reason it was more emotional that it ever was the fact that my auntie K was getting married a few weeks later and that he wouldn’t be there to celebrate or that he wouldn’t be able to see the gender reveal or baby shower as K is pregnant, he won’t get to see his grandson. Needless to say it’s been 2 months and we’re still not over his passing.
Now where my dad comes in. Maybe a month after my grandad passed, he calls me early morning at around 6am to shout at me, saying how he shouldn’t be paying for my college meals as I’m 17 years old and should already have a job. I was a full time college student (Monday to Friday) and finished late everyday. Not many jobs were available for weekends. Despite this I did apply to any available jobs I could find but never got any responds. As he’s shouting at me, he goes on to say I’m not trying hard enough and that I’m also lying to my mum when I say he’s “bullying me” (his words not mine). Yes I had told my mum about all the nasty things he’s said and done to me since the argument we had those few years ago but I never phrased it as bullying, thought my step dad thinks it is. After the phone call ended, I cried. He made me feel like I’m not good enough and the sheer disappointment in his tone just made everything worse. I’ve always looked up to my dad and wanted to make him proud so it just made me feel like I had failed.
The call had definitely fully woken me up. I went downstairs but as I pass my mum and step dad’s room, I can hear her angry on the phone. I knew instantly that it was my dad. I left her to it and went downstairs as I already felt like shit. My step dad was downstairs already as he gets up early for work. I told him everything and he didn’t like what my dad did at all. He knows of how my dad treats me and has said that he would never treat his daughter like that. There was a time when my dad called me up and threatened to come to my mums to beat the shit out of me. The call was on speaker so my stepdad heard it and he was shocked and disgusted. Anyways, after a while my mum came downstairs clearly not happy.
She had told me what my dad said to her about my mum not helping me find a job and how she’s not being a good mum when that couldn’t be further from the truth. This coming from a man who would hit me and my sister for making mistakes growing up. My mum then told me that my dad wants to call us that night and have words and because I know how aggressive my dad can be, I was scared. My dad is the type to think that he’s always in the right and snaps at people who don’t agree or have a different opinion.
My mum ended up telling me that I should just block him as his attitude towards me and how he treats me compared to my sister is ridiculous. Although I agreed with her, I didn’t want to block my own dad as it wouldn’t just be affecting him but it means I wouldn’t get to see my step sister A (5) or my step brother N (1). I also had a good relationship with his fiancé and didn’t want that to be affected by this as I’ve known her for maybe just over 8-9 years of my life. So I didnt block him.
I went to college as normal and tried to ignore the fear I felt from the phone call that night. I had just walked into second period when I got a text from him, this was his text.
“I'm going to ring and talk to you and your mum tonight, please don't get worried, nobody is having a go at you, I want what is best for you but you mum doesn't seem to and anytime I've tried to intervene your mum has told me it's non of my business but she's still ok taking money off me, you're probably going to hear some actual truth about your mum when I speak to you tonight, I'm at the point of being sick of keeping my mouth shut just so you mum doesn't get upset x”
After this text, I blocked him. I know to some it may seem unfair but it was when he said “you're probably going to hear some actual truth about your mum” that I couldn’t allow. I get that my mum a dad don’t have a good relationship but for him to say he’s gonna tell me some “truth” about my mum (which by the way means bad things) I didn’t want to hear it. My mum has stuck with me and supported me my whole life and for him to say this was unacceptable in itself. When he says “probably” it means he definitely will, I knew this and blocked him immediately. I felt guilty but I felt I had reached my breaking point. When I had a 2 hour break in between some lessons, I did go to my dads because I knew only his fiancé S and my step brother N would be the only ones there and ngl I wanted to see them before things escalated. I went in and we chatted as usual until the subject of that nights phone call when S brought it up. She defended my dad, saying that I shouldn’t be worried and that my dad only wants to best for me. I get that every parent wants the best for their children but shouting at me AND my mum wasn’t the best way to go about it and he always goes 0 to 100 instantly.
After college ended, I go back home and tell my mum I blocked him. My mum revealed that my dad had actually made her cry and this only hate him more. He doesn’t get to call my mum a horrible parent with the things he’s done to me and my sister growing up and then treating me even worse now.
I want to clarify that I have S in my contacts but I only blocked my dad. I expected my dad to try reach out to me through her or my sister but nothing ever happened. It’s now been just over a month since and I haven’t been going to his on weekends. I haven’t seen any of them during this time period, not him, not S not my step sister A or my step brother N.
This is where I need help. My sister L has still been going to my dads on weekends and texted me yesterday on about coming up and seeing them for N’s 2nd birthday. I told her I don’t know because I don’t want to be possibly shouted at or guilt tripped into unblocking him. We continues to text back and forth, she makes this harder by saying A had been wondering where I am which breaks my heart. I love my step siblings and I haven’t stopped thinking about this situation since I’ve blocked my dad. If I do go, it’ll be good because I get to see A and N again but then it’s just the nervousness and anxiety that I’m getting just by thinking of seeing my dad again after leaving it at some nasty phone call he gave me and my mum. Needless to say, I’m scared of my dad. The only time I had an argument with him was a few years ago and that scared me so much. It was the only time I argued with him and the last time I will ever do it. My dad is a scary guy. I don’t know what to do about going up or not. N’s birthday is this Friday so 4 days from now. If anyone can give me advise on what to do that would be great.
A little bit of extra context about how my dad has treated me (some me and my sister but mainly me). One time, S’s breakfast bar went missing whilst me and my sister L were left at his alone, L was upstairs most of the day and I was downstairs babysitting after A. Anyways, they both come home and S tells my dad. My dad is furious to say the least. He starts screaming and shout at me and L. Things escalated when none of us owned up to it. He then told me to get my Nintendo switch and my L to get her phone so we did. He takes them off us and I know what you guys are thinking and no, he didn’t just confiscate them. He placed them on a floor and leaves the room to then come back with a hammer. He asked us who did it. We deny. He brings the hammer down inches away from our device, scaring the shit out of us both. This continues and he keeps getting increasingly more aggressive and furious. Both of us are terrified at this point, both of us shaking. In the end, he didn’t smash out devised but it definitely terrified and traumatised us both.
I won’t get into anything else that he’s done because I think that that one was enough for you guys to see how he is.

This is kinda a long winded rant that is a combination of my dealings with my toxic mother and then how my MIL is reacting to it.
I cut out my parents after my son was born. I have a long history of a toxic relationship with my parents. More specifically my narcissistic mother. I was never close with them and moved out as soon as I turned 18. I am now 25 and had my first born 7 months ago. When I was pregnant, hormones brought on all the feels and I craved normalcy going through that big step in my life. So I let them back into my life a little. They were invited to my gender reveal and baby shower and I spoke to them a bit more. They even came to the hospital to meet my son. If I told myself that would happen a year before I would never believe it.
My MIL also saw this all playing out and became more competitive with where she stood in our lives. She insisted that our gender reveal would be at her house. When I asked if I could invite some of my family, including my parents, she outright said no and started shit talking my mom. Now my mom deserved the shit talk but the gender reveal was not for my MIL, it was for us. She made me feel like I didn’t have a choice of inviting them and she had to be talked into letting it happen by other family members. When the baby shower came around, she insisted on planning it even though I just wanted to plan it all myself. After the last mess, I just let it happen. And I felt like I had to keep anyone from my family out of the planning for it just to keep the peace between my mom and MIL. My mom ended up coming to help set up and I could see the mood flip of my MIL and she started making the shower a lot more about her. Making weird comments that all the gifts I was getting were going to be used at her house because she expected the baby to be there all the time. Then she took a mass amount of pictures and posted to social media and claimed that she planned it entirely on her own, when in reality I planned it all and pretty much directed her for help.
My MIL was disrespectful in her own ways after our baby was born but was slightly less direct than my own mom. I have an entire post dedicated just to that lol.
But my parents have been nothing but disrespectful of the boundaries I have set in place to protect myself and my mental health since my baby was born. I started seeing a psychologist regularly after I became a mom and was diagnosed with severe postpartum anxiety and depression. I was a higher risk of this anyways due to already having anxiety and depression in the past (brought on from my parents). My mom became very possessive of my baby right away. It started at the hospital when she held him for almost an hour and I had to ask for him back three times to feed him. She didn’t let him go until the nurse came in and said it was time to feed. She would call him ‘her baby’ or ‘her boy’ all the time. They didn’t understand or respect the 6 weeks of no visitors at home boundary we had set, constantly asking why and when time was up. Trying to buy things and saying that we could only have it if they could come in. Then I explained I wasn’t comfortable with people holding him and the first time they came over she demanded him as soon as she walked in. She literally did the gimmie hand gesture until I passed him over, I was so anxious and uncomfortable I let it happen and she held him for an hour and wouldn’t give him back. The next time we saw them I stood up for myself and said no, she made a huge deal and reacted very negatively. Told me that it was unhealthy for me to be that attached to my child and that I was going to hurt him by making him too attached to me. I tried to sit by her instead of her holding him and she said to ‘not bother torturing her’. At Christmas time they lied to me about being sick so that I would still come see them even though my son was only a few weeks old. Then they started asking to come over almost every weekend. Mind you, before he was born, I maybe saw them once every few months if I had to. So obviously this was a bit out of line for the relationship we had. They would make backhanded comments when I would come up with excuses or outright say I wasn’t up for visitors.
Eventually I had enough. I started to dread every weekend waiting for them to reach out. They gave me an opening and asked what the ‘real reason’ was for why I was so busy all the time. I laid it all out for them in a text and told them that they were disrespectful and that I needed time away from them for a while. I said that my mom was never the mother I needed so she can’t just expect to be the grandmother she wants to be now. Or that this wasn’t a second redemption of making things right and ignoring the unhealthy relationship we always had as if it never happened. They read it and never replied.
A few weeks later after cutting them out, I hear from my grandmother that they are heartbroken that I would stop them from seeing their grandson. Again, they have not said anything to me. No reply to my message of cutting them out and the reasons why. Then my birthday rolls around and they both send me a happy birthday text, completely ignoring what I said to them as if it never happened. I left them unblocked before my birthday to give them a chance to reply to my text of how I felt about things. But as soon as they showed me they were pretending it didn’t happen and were hoping to move on, they were immediately blocked. I have no regrets of cutting them out. I wish I didn’t give them so many chances.
I have felt way more at peace since going no contact with my parents, it’s been almost 6 months now. However, ever since my MIL has found out that I have gone no contact with my parents, she thinks that automatically means that she gets a larger role as a grandparent. It’s almost like because she knows she doesn’t have to share time with my baby with another set of grandparents that she gets twice the amount of time. Obviously that is not going to be the case but dealing with her constant delusional expectations is exhausting.
All in all, this was just a long way of saying that I’ve had two poor experiences with grandmothers in my life right from the beginning. It’s just so unfortunate because I had such a special relationship with both of my own grandmothers but I’ll never be comfortable with the relationships with my kids grandmothers because they each have their own case of mental issues. I just wish people wouldn’t act so selfishly.

Hello everyone.
Last month I posted in the bridezillas sub, complaining about the bride, my best friend, because I felt she was being very nasty unfair and unreasonable. After month after a huge falling out, I realized that I was the one being nasty, unfair, and unreasonable, and I want to make it up to her somehow.
For context (as I deleted the last post): There were a lot of changes with her wedding planning; at first it had been August of this year with a full ceremony and reception, then they decided to elope, then they moved it up to April. They also asked me to officiate instead of the other officiant they had had. I was doing a lot for her and her wedding, but not what she needed from me. I didn’t live up to any of the made of honor expectations. I dropped the ball on planning a bachelorette, (I tried, but it was too last-minute and not much of a party at all), I didn’t attend the bridal shower because I was sick. But I had felt that with constantly talking to her about everything regarding the ceremony and helping her make decisions, I was doing what I needed. Because of my own insecurity, I was constantly worried about doing, but I was not putting any energy into what she wanted from me, only what I thought she needed.
For the night before the reception, we were all supposed to stay with her sister-in-law, and I asked her sister-in-law if my fiancé could stay with us, and she said yes, she had already said it was fine if partners stayed, just as long as we asked first. Then the bride texted me later, saying that her brother was upset and did not want my fiancé to stay there, but that she didn’t want to be involved. I asked her to please get them to contact me so I can figure it out because I did feel like it was my place to ask her sister-in-law about an argument she had with her husband that she didn’t even directly tell me about. The bride refused saying she has enough to worry about and that this is not her priority. That flipped a switch in me and I said “ive bent over backwards for you for this and you can’t even ask her to text me?” This resulted in a huge fight. She eventually told me that she felt like I had done absolutely none of my made of honor duties, and that she was really upset and disappointed, so the fact that I had said, I’ve bent over backwards for her really hurt her and struck a nerve. At the time I was very ery shocked and hurt because I had really felt like I did so much for her and it felt like she was completely ungrateful for it. We had a falling out at this point. She told me she did not want me at the reception, so I didn’t go and we haven’t spoken since then.
A couple days ago, I reread the text she had sent me about how I had not carried out any of my made of honor duties and how hurt she was. I was trying to reread it to get closure, I guess to reassure myself that she hurt me and I don’t want her as a friend anymore. But when I reread it, I felt completely differently about everything. She was right, I didn’t carry anything out, and she had swallowed her feelings to save mine, and then when she came out with those feelings, I felt betrayed, but I had really betrayed her. I’m so upset and angry with myself that I just realized this now and I’ve probably thrown away our friendship because I couldn’t see past my own feelings to see her perspective. I sent her an apology on Tuesday, but I wasn’t sure if it sent correctly because I had had her number blocked when I sent it and only unblocked her after, and it had sent as a text message instead of iMessage, so I wasn’t sure if you because I couldn’t see past my own feelings to see her perspective. I sent her an apology on Tuesday, but I wasn’t sure if it sent correctly because I had had her number blocked when I sent it and only unblocked her after, and it had sent as a text message instead of iMessage, so I wasn’t sure if she received it. Today I sent her another message saying that of course she does not owe me a response, but I just wanted to make sure that she received my apology because she deserved to have it. That one sent as an iMessage and she read it immediately. I didn’t want to bother her or force her to respond, but I wanted to make it clear that I really want the chance to be her friend again and to be a better friend, and even though I know I can’t make it up to her, I want to do as much as I can to try. I’m getting married next May and if I could give up my bachelorette party and bridal shower for her I would. It hurts to not be her friend, but it hurts to know that she didn’t get any of what she wanted and she didn’t even want to tell me until I was an asshole about it.
I just want to make it up to her somehow if I do even get the chance to be her friend again. I have no idea how I’d even start doing that but I want to do anything and if anybody knows or has any clue as to what would be the best course of action I would really appreciate it. I’m open to any thoughts, opinions and responses, I just want to know how to could possibly start to make this up to her.
Thank you.

I USED MY NEWER ACCOUNT FOR THIS POST ON ACCIDENT BUT I HAVE ANOTHER OLDER ACCOUNT I USED LAST MONTH.
Hello everyone.
Last month I posted in the sub, Reddit complaining about the bride because I felt she was being very nasty unfair and unreasonable. After month after a huge falling out, I realized that I was the one being nasty, unfair, and unreasonable, and I want to make it up to her somehow.
For context (as I deleted the last post): There were a lot of changes with her wedding planning; at first it had been August of this year with a full ceremony and reception, then they decided to elope, then they moved it up to April. They also asked me to officiate instead of the other officiant they had had. I was doing a lot for her and her wedding, but not what she needed from me. I didn’t live up to any of the made of honor expectations. I dropped the ball on planning a bachelorette, (I tried, but it was too last-minute and not much of a party at all), I didn’t attend the bridal shower because I was sick. But I had felt that with constantly talking to her about everything regarding the ceremony and helping her make decisions, I was doing what I needed. Because of my own insecurity, I was constantly worried about doing, but I was not putting any energy into what she wanted from me, only what I thought she needed.
For the night before the reception, we were all supposed to stay with her sister-in-law, and I asked her sister-in-law if my fiancé could stay with us, and she said yes, she had already said it was fine if partners stayed, just as long as we asked first. Then the bride texted me later, saying that her brother was upset and did not want my fiancé to stay there, but that she didn’t want to be involved. I asked her to please get them to contact me so I can figure it out because I did feel like it was my place to ask her sister-in-law about an argument she had with her husband that she didn’t even directly tell me about. The bride refused saying she has enough to worry about and that this is not her priority. That flipped a switch in me and I said “ive bent over backwards for you for this and you can’t even ask her to text me?” This resulted in a huge fight. She eventually told me that she felt like I had done absolutely none of my made of honor duties, and that she was really upset and disappointed, so the fact that I had said, I’ve bent over backwards for her really hurt her and struck a nerve. At the time I was very ery shocked and hurt because I had really felt like I did so much for her and it felt like she was completely ungrateful for it. We had a falling out at this point. She told me she did not want me at the reception, so I didn’t go and we haven’t spoken since then.
A couple days ago, I reread the text she had sent me about how I had not carried out any of my made of honor duties and how hurt she was. I was trying to reread it to get closure, I guess to reassure myself that she hurt me and I don’t want her as a friend anymore. But when I reread it, I felt completely differently about everything. She was right, I didn’t carry anything out, and she had swallowed her feelings to save mine, and then when she came out with those feelings, I felt betrayed, but I had really betrayed her. I’m so upset and angry with myself that I just realized this now and I’ve probably thrown away our friendship because I couldn’t see past my own feelings to see her perspective. I sent her an apology on Tuesday, but I wasn’t sure if it sent correctly because I had had her number blocked when I sent it and only unblocked her after, and it had sent as a text message instead of iMessage, so I wasn’t sure if you because I couldn’t see past my own feelings to see her perspective. I sent her an apology on Tuesday, but I wasn’t sure if it sent correctly because I had had her number blocked when I sent it and only unblocked her after, and it had sent as a text message instead of iMessage, so I wasn’t sure if she received it. Today I sent her another message saying that of course she does not owe me a response, but I just wanted to make sure that she received my apology because she deserved to have it. That one sent as an iMessage and she read it immediately. I didn’t want to bother her or force her to respond, but I wanted to make it clear that I really want the chance to be her friend again and to be a better friend, and even though I know I can’t make it up to her, I want to do as much as I can to try. I’m getting married next May and if I could give up my bachelorette party and bridal shower for her I would. It hurts to not be her friend, but it hurts to know that she didn’t get any of what she wanted and she didn’t even want to tell me until I was an asshole about it.
I just want to make it up to her somehow if I do even get the chance to be her friend again. I have no idea how I’d even start doing that but I want to do anything and if anybody knows or has any clue as to what would be the best course of action I would really appreciate it. I’m open to any thoughts, opinions and responses, I just want to know how to could possibly start to make this up to her.
Thank you.

Good things have happened recently. I left my on again off again abusive relationship 4 months ago and have been successful with no contact. I am moving out of my basement suit ( where lots of abuse happened, also in the part of the city he/his family live) into a gorgeous apartment downtown for a great price which is something I’ve always dreamed of.
It’s been hard considering the relationship is all I can think about all day, everyday. I have been drowning myself in work to “cope” but even at work I think about him. The relationship ended after he punched me in the face and broke my nose. Although that’s the worst the abuse has ever been physically, I keep replaying him dragging me off the bed by my hair and throwing me into the cold shower while choking me. I also keep re living him slapping my head so hard I was seeing stars and then as I ran away screaming, he pulled me onto the bed and rear naked choked me with his arms until I almost passed out because that was the only way he could get me to “calm down” after screaming for help while he was slapping me. I keep reliving those slaps. I lost hearing in my ear. I remember begging him to please stop and that I was loosing my vision. Things like this had been going on for 3 years. He’s held me against my will. He’s smashed my phone and kidnapped me, taken me far away to his friends homes where nobody knew where I was.
I have parents who really fucked up while raising me, but they really love me and I am only here today because of them. I also have friends who have been by my side through lots of this, but in the past year I became so secluded and isolated, they don’t really know much of what’s been going on, nor do they want to hear about how I continued going back to him. It’s frustrating as friend to have to hear about all the traumatic experiences your friend is practically volunteering herself to endure.
I am currently at the stage where I have no idea how I feel. I can’t comprehend what’s happened either. Every day feels on repeat. Even if I go out to eat, or get out of my house and walk, my mind replays all the same incidents. Some days I feel extreme nostalgia, the feeling is good. I remember how happy I was to have a boyfriend, how attracted I was to him, how proud I felt to be seen with him. All the time we spent together that was “good” ( I don’t know if it was ever really good). I will have days where I watch every video I have in my phone of us, look at every picture of him. I have days where I realize how pathetic he is and how embarrassed I feel to have stayed so long with him. Days where I literally cringe.
I have days where I can’t feel anything And days where I cry all day long. I have yet to feel happy the past two months.
Sometimes I feel like I’m a bad person because only a bad person could attract people like him. And I know I’m not, but it’s how I feel.
I need to start therapy but I just won’t. Instead I keep repeating the same thoughts and days over and over, expecting something will change.
I’ve become addicted to these instagram tarot readings. They are so unhealthy. I block and unblock him still everyday to keep tabs on him, something I could never admit in real life.
And btw , yes the police are involved, they have been for 2 years now we have 2 different trials awaiting. He keeps running from them.
I also have a question: would it be too much to reach out to his ex girlfriend and mother of his child to ask for emotional support? It feels so lonely because no matter how I tell my story, he is the only person who knows how sick and twisted the abuse truly got. He’s the only one that knows how much pain I have endured.

15 years ago, it was my first day of training at a BPO along Ayala Ave. I was late that time so when I went inside the traing room, all of them are looking at me and it's really embarassing. I saw this guy, chinito and moreno and there's no other seat available aside sa tabi nya. Since I have no choice, I have to seat beside him. Pasimple ako sumusulyap sa kanya. He's cute, makapal kilay, matangos ilong, medyo dark ang lips and I was thinking, Ah! Smoker to. But he smell good. Parang fresh from the shower ang scent.
I can say i'm an ambivert. "Tahimik lang sa umpisa". But he is an introvert. I can tell it kahit one week pa lang ang training namen kasi he only talks to me using his notebook. Yes, we "talk" pero sulat sa notebook ang means of communication namen. I'm a funny girl kaya siguro ako ang trip lang nya kausap sa wave namen. Maybe he's being careful din coz he has a girlfriend that time. Different account but same company.
So long story short, naging close kame. Then one night, break namen, he asked me na samahan sya magyosi sa labas. Since crush ko sya, I said, "okay". He then confessed to me that he likes me. I was shocked not because he confessed his feelings. I was shocked because he asked me if we can be in a relationship since he felt din na I like him. I know it's mali pero nanaig ang pagiging malandi and I said YES.
Months passed and we're happy. I introduced him to my friends and family. Then, I found out I was pregrant. I thought delayed lang because of PCOS but we consulted with an OB Gyne and it really is positive. He cried and told me na he's not yet ready to be a father. I was devastated but I accepted it because I love him. He was still in a relationship with his original girlfriend that time and everytime magkakasalubong kame, it really hurts! Fuckin hurts!
He then told me his plans of working in Singapore. Dami nyang plans. Good thing is kasama "daw" kame ng anak nya sa plano nya. He wants to work there para makapag ipon for our future. I was so happy that time. He also told me na he broke up with his girlfriend.
First few months, we're okay. Although may Facebook na that time, he prefers daw na we communicate via email na lang kasi di pa daw sya nakakabili ng phone and naniwala naman ako. But I was wrong.
I don't know but maybe women's intuition. I know something is not right. I can feel it. Then I stalked his "ex girlfriend's" account and that's when I saw his picture... with his girlfriend... in Singapore... and they looked happy. Bakat din ang cellphone sa bulsa ng pants nya. That's when I realized everything.. na kaya pala gusto nya via email lang kame mag contact kasi constant din ang pagpunta ng girlfriend nya sa SG. Na siguro kaya ayaw nya ibigay un phone number kasi he knows na I will call or text him all the time. I don't care if mahal ang magagastos sa call and text. I was so mad that I sent him an email and asking him to choose between me and his girlfriend. My emotions were high that time and nakapag salita ako ng masasakit sa kanya. I even cursed him. He replied and told me to give him time to think. I said okay. 3 days passed and he said mag log in sa google chat so we can talk. He did not answer my question kung sino mas matimbang. But I won't forget what he told me. Na "Pag nagtanong na yun bata kung nasaan ako, ang sabihin mo patay na ako". He then logged out after that. At never na nagparamdam at all.
My son is already 13 years old and I can say we are doing okay. We are surviving with the help of my parents kahit walang sustento ang sperm donor nya. I can buy him things na gusto nya. We go on vacation once in a while, we eat sa mga gusto nya kainan. And my mama heart is happy as long as we are together. By the way, I also found out that my ex got married in 2017 with a different girl.
Last year, I received a random message sa messenger asking how I was doing. The name seems off so I blocked it right away. Malay ko ba kung ang kasunod na message is mangungutang. Then 2 weeks ago, my brother videocalled me and asked me when was the last time na nakausap ko ang Ex ko. I told him, sobrang tagal na. He fowarded me screenshots of messages from my ex. Asking my brother kung kamusta na kame ng anak ko. I froze, grabe kabog ng dibdib ko. Bigla ako napaisip, ano meron? Bat nagmemessage to? Akala ko ba patay na sya? Bat nabuhay?
Then I suddenly remembered, this is the same account who messaged me last year na nablock ko agad. I unblocked him and replied to his message. "Ano gusto mo pag usapan?" He replied after 2 days and just said na he wants to know kamusta na kame. And I was like, WHY??? BAKET KELANGAN MO MALAMAN KUNG KAMUSTA NA KAME? I have so many questions pero I tried so hard na maging civil ang usapan namen. Kaso he triggers me. Na the way he talks to me is parang kasalanan ko lahat ng nangyari. Gusto ko sya murahin. Gusto ko sabihin na hindi sya biktima. Kung meron mang biktima dito, yun anak ko yun.
We talked for almost 5 hours and most of our conversation that time is puro sumbatan. I can't help it. He left me, he broke me and he married someone else kahit nag promise sya kay Mama na he'll be back. And his purpose for reaching out is because he wants to meet my Son. He wants his family to meet him. But why now? Why is that no one from his family tried reaching out to me? It's been 13 years. I was crying because it pains me. Bumalik lahat ng galit, ng sakit, ng trauma. He left me kasi duwag sya. I loved him... I cared for him... Pero puro sakit sa damdamin ang kapalit. Now I'm confused if he is worth meeting my son. Our son. I know he has the right, because he is the biological father. But it's also my right to protect my Son kung sakali na iwan sya ulit. Ayoko maranasan nya un sakit na naransan ko nun iniwan ako ng Ama nya. Pero ayoko din alisin ang karapatan ng anak ko na makilala nya ang tatay nya....

15 years ago, it was my first day of training at a BPO along Ayala Ave. I was late that time so when I went inside the traing room, all of them are looking at me and it's really embarassing. I saw this guy, chinito and moreno and there's no other seat available aside sa tabi nya. Since I have no choice, I have to seat beside him. Pasimple ako sumusulyap sa kanya. He's cute, makapal kilay, matangos ilong, pa mysterious ang type, medyo dark ang lips and I was thinking, Ah! Smoker to. But he smell good. Parang fresh from the shower ang scent.
I can say i'm an ambivert. "Tahimik lang sa umpisa". But he is an introvert. I can tell it kahit one week pa lang ang training namen kasi he only talks to me using his notebook. Yes, we "talk" pero sulat sa notebook ang means of communication namen. I'm a funny girl kaya siguro ako ang trip lang nya kausap sa wave namen. Maybe he's being careful din coz he has a girlfriend that time. Different account but same company.
So long story short, naging close kame. Then one night, break namen, he asked me na samahan sya magyosi sa labas. Since crush ko sya, I said, "okay". He confessed to me that he likes me. I was shocked not because he confessed his feelings. I was shocked because he asked me if we can be in a relationship since he felt din na I like him. I know it's mali pero nanaig ang pagiging malandi and I said YES.
Months passed and we're happy. I introduced him to my friends and family. Then, I found out I was pregrant. I thought delayed lang because of PCOS but we consulted with an OB Gyne and it really is positive. He cried and told me na he's not yet ready to be a father. I was devastated but I accepted it because I love him. He was still in a relationship with his original girlfriend that time and everytime magkakasalubong kame, it really hurts! Fuckin hurts!
He then told me his plans of working in Singapore. Dami nyang plans. Good thing is kasama "daw" kame ng anak nya sa plano nya. He wants to work there para makapag ipon for our future. I was so happy that time. He also told me na he broke up with his girlfriend.
First few months, we're okay. Although may Facebook na that time, he prefers daw na we communicate via email na lang kasi di pa daw sya nakakabili ng phone and naniwala naman ako. But I was wrong.
I don't know but maybe women's intuition. I know something is not right. I can feel it. Then I stalked his "ex girlfriend's" account and that's when I saw his picture... with his girlfriend... in Singapore... and they looked happy. Bakat din ang cellphone sa bulsa ng pants nya. That's when I realized everything.. na kaya pala gusto nya via email lang kame mag contact kasi constant din ang pagpunta ng girlfriend nya sa SG. Na siguro kaya ayaw nya ibigay un phone number kasi he knows na I will call or text him all the time. I don't care if mahal ang magagastos sa call and text. I was so mad that I sent him an email and asking him to choose between me and his girlfriend. My emotions were high that time and nakapag salita ako ng masasakit sa kanya. I even cursed him. He replied and told me to give him time to think. I said okay. 3 days passed and he said mag log in sa google chat so we can talk. He did not answer my question kung sino mas matimbang. But I won't forget what he told me. Na "Pag nagtanong na yun bata kung nasaan ako, ang sabihin mo patay na ako". He then logged out after that. At never na nagparamdam at all.
My son is already 13 years old and I can say we are doing okay. We are surviving with the help of my parents kahit walang sustento ang sperm donor nya. I can buy him things na gusto nya. We go on vacation once in a while, we eat sa mga gusto nya kainan. And my mama heart is happy as long as we are together. By the way, I also found out that my ex got married in 2017 with a different girl.
Last year, I received a random message sa messenger asking how I was doing. The name seems off so I blocked it right away. Malay ko ba kung ang kasunod na message is mangungutang. Then 2 weeks ago, my brother videocalled me and asked me when was the last time na nakausap ko ang Ex ko. I told him, sobrang tagal na. He fowarded me screenshots of messages from my ex. Asking my brother kung kamusta na kame ng anak ko. I froze, grabe kabog ng dibdib ko. Bigla ako napaisip, ano meron? Bat nagmemessage to? Akala ko ba patay na sya? Bat nabuhay?
Then I suddenly remembered, this is the same account who messaged me last year na nablock ko agad. I unblocked him and replied to his message. "Ano gusto mo pag usapan?" He replied after 2 days and just said na he wants to know kamusta na kame. And I was like, WHY??? BAKET KELANGAN MO MALAMAN KUNG KAMUSTA NA KAME? I have so many questions pero I tried so hard na maging civil ang usapan namen. Kaso he triggers me. Na the way he talks to me is parang kasalanan ko lahat ng nangyari. Gusto ko sya murahin. Gusto ko sabihin na hindi sya biktima. Kung meron mang biktima dito, yun anak ko yun.
We talked for almost 5 hours and most of our conversation that time is puro sumbatan. I can't help it. He left me, he broke me and he married someone else kahit nag promise sya kay Mama na he'll be back. And his purpose for reaching out is because he wants to meet my Son. He wants his family to meet him. But why now? Why is that no one from his family tried reaching out to me? It's been 13 years. I was crying because it pains me. Bumalik lahat ng galit, ng sakit, ng trauma. He left me kasi duwag sya. I loved him... I cared for him... Pero puro sakit sa damdamin ang kapalit. Now I'm confused if he is worth meeting my son. Our son. I know he has the right, because he is the biological father. But it's also my right to protect my Son kung sakali na iwan sya ulit. Ayoko maranasan nya un sakit na naransan ko nun iniwan ako ng Ama nya. Pero ayoko din alisin ang karapatan ng anak ko na makilala nya ang tatay nya....

Ok for starters your a wack job but Chester street star bucks yeah that’s s where A met me and bought me a coffee while on my break so nice right ? Maybe he paid with a card so that will prove something not like it matters you can’t leave you have zero means to pay for yourself and believe no other man wants you with the reputation you have been leaving behind daily ! The most disgusting things for the world to view ! I’m sure one day your son will be so proud to watch his mother drink dog piss and brush her teeth with toliet bowl scum and bacteria for $20.00 your absolute disgusting! Is A addicted to S yes 100 percent do I want him full time ? Nope I’m fine with the quick meeting to get my rocks off and his , you can keep him I’ll keep it how it is … I just hope he showers before he comes to me he had be bent over the dog wash table it was very exciting!!!! How do I taste ? I’m sure more then once he has come home from meeting me and not showered before hitting you up while thinking about me !!! Take a look at the imagine you have painted and showed yourself you think a man wants that ? You think he’s proud to call you his ? But again you can’t leave no man what’s you now forsure so live and continue to be cheated on and disrespected makes for a wonderful life …. P.s that perfume was MINE and I used it a fair amount that’s why when you found it it wasn’t full ??? So I guess he bought a used Perfume ? Your delusional as they come and dumb as a stump and he knows it and it’s definitely not the first time cheating he’s very calculated blocks me as soon as he’s home and unblocks me when he’s not with you we also stay on the phone for hours together while he’s working !!!! But I also lost a black hair tie it maybe under the drivers seat , also one day when he had no car seat and we got going in the back seat sitting at the beach well he pulled a lot of hair out we got a little wild , I’m sure you will see long blonde hairs in the back seat again believe me or not don’t care but just needed to let you know so I feel better about doing it cause if I tell you and you stay well that’s ts not my problem ! Anyways I’m good hope you are also.xoxox oh and he does watch me live a lot not just A ……E xoxxoxoxoxox I’ll be sure to keep him happy least once daily your welcome ! I hope he’s getting sleep now cause he needs to be rested to meet again tomorrow love ya

Both females. This is long but it has many stories that are just so crazy to even believe.
This girl was my everything. Everytime I listen to the song “here with me” I just cry and wish how things were different between her and I. Everything changed once she turned about 16. We have drifted off and she has changed due to her illness. We did a lot of things with eachother and had so many memories, good and bad. I always thought of her and when she had no where to stay, I let her live with me and she spent thanksgiving, Christmas and new years with me. She was 18 I was 17. We argued a lot and she has done many things that have fucked up my head and I did end up having trust issues with her and built up hurt from her, but we still ended up having good memories after that.
She was in foster car when she was a baby, and lost her dad when she was 4. Her mother also did drugs while she was pregnant with her so I did understand why our friendship was always so on and off but it only got worse after sophomore year. She lied on me at the end of junior year because she wasn’t allowed to have a phone because she wasn’t trusted on the internet. She was always talking to older guys and getting herself into trouble when she was younger. Our friend gave her his backup phone because he felt bad she had no phone. She ended up sending nude photos to an older guy and her guardian found out. It ended up going to the school and police got involved because she lied on me saying she gave me the phone and they searched me. She also said she took the photo off of my phone when I let her borrow it when I only let her use it in my sight. I had my phone taken my the police for the whole summer nd somehow she still ended up getting mad at me that I told people about it and that she thought I would “cover” for her. She was 17 at this time and I was also 17. There were many other instances where she really fucked me over and then comes back into my life here and there to contact me and act like nothing happened. She knew I would always be there for her. So many times people would call me stupid for keep accepting her back into my life but she used to be a genuine friend. I really did love her. Even when she lived with me, she had her own issues with boys, didn’t respect the rules in our house, talked shit about me to people at school when we would argue, and when she left, she would block me, then occasionally unblock me and try to talk and apologize to me. She’s left a dead bird on my porch, tried to OD in my house once when she lived with me, shown up to my house unexpected to talk, then me thinking we are on ok terms again, then next week, I would be blocked again. It was draining and I would tell her that as well. She would apologize and I know her BPD played a factor so I would accept her apologies. A few times I blocked her first because I really was done with all of the drama. She has caused me so much hurt and I’ve cried so many times, and when I talk to her now, it’s like I’m talking to a void. She is no longer the girl I used to know and have so much fun with.
She would always make up scenarios in her head thinking I was always talking bad about her, she believes a guy who she talks to, (36 btw and she was 18 when she met him off of a lyft app to pick her up from school) she thought him and I had sexual relations when I only met him once, in her apartment, and would drive him crazy about me for some fucking weird reason. That time was also the time she put me in a really uncomfortable situation with him the first time she introduced me to him. I was taking a shower there and she told me he was going to come, our other friend had just left so it was me and her. I didn’t know how to feel but I just said ok. I come out the shower and he’s there. I don’t say anything to him, I just follow my friend and her and I smoke. She always acts so weird when she’s high like mentally and I don’t like to smoke with her because of this reason. She ended up saying weird shit and stops talking to me. We leave the place we smoked and go back into her appartment. She ends up telling BOTH of us to leave and it’s already 2am. (I had to beg my parents to go to her house). She tells him to take me home and she doesn’t want us there anymore. This was the first time meeting him too and I was only 18 at the time and she was 19. I go into the room and cry and just think about everything. He stands in the doorway and tells me “she wants me to talks you home” and I tell him, “if she wants me to leave, she’s gonna have to call me an Uber. He then parts ways and says good bye. It was almost 3am before she comes into the room and apologized, but then still calls the Uber and asks if I want her to walk me to the car. I say it’s whatever, and she walks me and then tells me to text her when I’m home to make sure I’m safe. My parents were wondering why the fuck I showed up at 3am and I just made an excuse. She’s asked him really weird questions about me and underaged girls as well. She apologized for acting weird that night. She claimed it was because when I came out of the shower (at her apartment) i “looked so innocent”? And she said she knows how he is, so she wanted to protect me. Like WTF? It was just all of us alone and anything could have happened. When SHE was the one who fucked my ex. (Didn’t know that until she brought it up in an argument).
She claims she loves me, and even occasionally I get notifications of her saving photos of her and i from Snapchat into her camera roll. She always asks me for old videos of us and claims she misses those times, but doesn’t change. I have been really depressed because of this. She told me she was going to come over my house for my 19th birthday but she texted me this at 11pm. It was too late at night and I asked if she could js come the next morning on my actual birthday and she said ok. Time past and I asked her if she was going to show up. Hours later, I go to see if she replied, and next thing you know, I’m blocked. I ended up blocking her on everything and sent her a long paragraph. I think I am really done with her this time. She was one of the things that made my life really happy. It hurts me so fucking much.

Jarek.
I was going through my google photos and I went down a rabbit hole of trying to find footage of us at the Enrique Iglesias concert in 2018. I found a 17 second video of us screaming to a song awaiting the singer to come out, and there it was, me and you, probably the last time we were genuienly happy in each others company. I can't believe we never got to become close. I did not look out for you how I was supposed to. You were my best friend when I was born, and when you went off to college we drifted apart and that never fixed itself. We fought so much. Physically fought too. I regret every single time I called you a name, I regret every single time I did not stand in your defense, rather in the contrary, I regret everything I did wrong.
Our parents were shit assholes and I knew it, but I was so caught up in my own issues I forgot to see you. I moved away as far as I could, I cut contact with dad for 2 years, I ended up being strung along an emotionally manipulative relationship for 3 years just to numb the pain of my entire existance and when you needed me the most I cut you off too. I can't even remember the last thing I said to you. I can't remember the last words you said to me. I chose not to talk to you and block you on almost everything for a year before your death, and I will never forgive myself. Dad is blaming mom for this event. It wasn't her fault (entirely).
I can't believe it has been 6 months since you have died. In november I decided to stop my anger towards you and I unblocked you, and had a friend contact you because I was too embarrassed. In december you were dead. We don't know when it happened. You were gone 3/4 weeks by the time they found you. My parents got the news on the 1st around 6pm and immiediately called me. I, being hungover from going out for New Years, was showering, and a friend who was in the apartment visiting me for it, told me my dad was calling. Me, oblivious, I let it ring out, then my mom was calling, then my dad again, then my mom again. I got suspicious at this point and immiediately thought of that scenario. So I stepped out, in just a towel, and I did not even get a chance to ring back a text came in entitled "Jarek is dead".
Time stopped. I cried for 4 hours straight. My boyfriend, who only started dating me about a month before stepped out in shock and comforted me. I don't remember what happened until I got really hungry so we ordered pizza. I was supposed to have a shower, and then we were supposed to move to my new house. We were supposed to be finished by 9/10pm. We only started at 12am, and finished at 5am. When my mom called me at 8am, I no longer slept that night. The friend who came to visit me, dropped me home 3hours drive, to my parents house and then everything after that was just flight or fight. Race against time to clear your belongings. Rage for how much clutter and absolute junk there was. Flights after flights of stairs, bin bag after bin bag of endless recycling, and endless messages on facebook marketplace trying to sell your furniture as there was no place to keep it in the parents house. We only had a couple of weeks to clear your belongings, and we did the best that we could.
I tried to get in contact with people after you died to gain access to your social medias, but that urge has now passed. You were buried 1 week after we found out, but my parents wished against the news to be made public. They also said no to your name being published on rip.ie. Almost nobody knows about your death and it makes me hate my existance. People deserved to know you were gone, people deserved to be able to come to mourn you. You were a whole person with your whole unique life, and my parents treated you like if they owned you when you died, ashamed you committed suicide. In fairness I would also be ashamed if I was them. But not for the reasons they are. I would be ashamed that I try to keep this so quiet. Why are they pretending to the world that nothing has changed? EVERYTHING has changed.
I used to think you were strong. I used to think you did not give a shit. I thought you had anger issues and you were arrogant because I thought you thought the world owed you. Now I realise there might have been some truth to that. Looking back, I can see all you ever wanted was to be loved, was someone to be proud of your achievements, was someone to treat you like a human being, yet your own family bullied you. I don't know how you talked about me behind closed doors but I know I did not talk nicely about you. I resented you. When you fell into drugs, and it had finally reached us the news, we were all shocked. Looking back, I think you tried to kill yourself that night. You were found with 3 different drugs in your body, in crashed in the middle of a field in Germany. We tried to help you, my parents did anyway, I don't really remember being present. I did not understand your pain. That happened 5 years ago I think. December 2019. Not long after Covid came around and well... your life was just a constant downhill.
You got fired from your job, and then couldnt hold one down for longer than a few months. Financially it became an issue for you, but myself and the family were hesitant on helping, we were too afraid it would go down for drugs. It didn't help any time we tried to have any conversation with you you would shoot us with the : that's none of your business.
I miss you. And words are not enough to describe how I feel. I no longer have a brother and its hard to come to terms with that. I feel so much that if I just did more, if I was less selfish, if my family was actually loving you would still be here. It feels surreal. It has only been 6 months since you died, yet I feel an eternity older. I am so depressed. All i think about i doing the same and joining you. This week I called into work sick twice, went in two days, and I was supposed to work today, yet I slept through it all. They didn't call me, but now I am so embarrassed. I don't know how to face myself anymore. I've gained 10 kg since last year, I have not done one thing that makes me happy since last year. Not one hobby. All my time goes down towards watching facebook and youtube videos meaninglessly. I have not talked with anyone other than my boyfriend since, I forget who my friends are and I'm afraid to reach out. I feel so alone. My parents are just screaming at each other, my mom shames my dad for feeling sad and crying, my dad just blames her for my brothers death, it's a very unsettling environment.
I feel like I am falling apart. I don't feel like me. I feel ugly, and fat, and motivationless and stupid. I am sad. I am so fucking sad. If I could take the chance to apologise to my brother for everything I did wrong, for everytime I made him feel less, for everytime he felt alone and just hug him and understand I would in a heartbeat. But theres nothing I can do, and life goes on, and I feel so incredibly stupid to still be a part of it. I feel so incredibly sad, because I was the one who always wanted to run away, get away as far as I could from my family, and here I am at 25, and I feel stuck to my toxic parents now. They beat us when we were kids, never showed us any love, and laughed when my brother came out and said he had a traumatizing childhood. My parents once caught me, after having stolen the family computer, it was in my room and I was playing games, they told me to pack me things and they are giving me away. So I did. I packed a bag quickly, with maybe a toy, put on some shoes and they drove me to the police station. I cried but I was not sorry. I was happy to finally get away from them. They got mad at me that I wasn't upset. I was maybe 9 or 10. Even back then I knew that running away from my parents will be my goal.
I went off on a tangent. I never ever wish my experiences on anyone else. I feel I will never be happy. I feel a burden on my boyfriend, he deserves to be with a girl who will bring him joy, and permeates joy, and I feel I will not be that person.
Jarek I miss you, and I am so fucking sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me, and I hope some part of you had forgiven me before you took your life. I wish you had left a note. I will be reunited with you at some point. Until then, keep the spot warm for me please, as I try to remember everything that made you, you, and try to celebrate you.
Lots of love, Your stupid little sister. Ela

I've been private on social media for like 3 years. I finally got off of private and I'm scared that I'm going to have be private and hiding away for the rest of my life. My abusive ex was my only serious relationship basically bc after him I was too scared to date other men. He scarred me that much. I'm an artist and a poet so I'd love to share my work and to gain a following but I'm scared that I may not be able to do that. He calls me from many fake numbers and private numbers right around the same time that I get attention from other men on social media or whenever I am outspoken about putting a stop to domestic violence. I also get many porn bots liking some of my tweets that have to do with that topic. Also watching my story as well. He hates that I've called him an abuser in the past because he swears that he's not despite making me cut myself and taking his anger out on me during sex. This man has done nothing but traumatize me and break me down. I guess he hates that I've found power within myself and that I get attention from other people because he used to love to remind me how much he thought I was worthless. I commented on a tweet of am article talking about how a latina influencer's ex lover found out where she was by her posting the plate of food she was eating from a certain restaurant. I commented something about why I don't post anything about where I go or what I do in my day to day because of cases like these and the same porn bot that was always liking my tweets having to do with those subjects. He's threatened to kill me before when we were together. We were taking a shower together and he was like "you know if you hurt me, I will come back years later and fuck up your life and kill you just when life starts to get better for you". I'll never forget that threat. It came so out of nowhere. Years later and I'm still scared. I know it's him when he calls me because when we were together he used to call me repeatedly from private numbers so that I could unblock him bc his verbal abuse was too much to take in many fights that we had. He would call me and breathe, make a weird noise, then stay silent and hang up. This man fucking scares me. I have nightmares with him stabbing me and r wording me. Him contacting me right after the porn bots like my tweets about domestic violence scare the shit out of me. It's like he's trying to silent me or threaten. He still calls me the same way like when we used to be together fighting. I imagine him figuring out my location, walking up to me and shooting me. I live everyday in fear years later. I don't have proof of him saying anything to me from a phone number or account that can be traced back to him. I've changed my phone number a year ago and idk how he found my new one. I'm scared that he will always be there in the background as a looming threat. I don't have evidence for the police bc nothing can be traced back to him. I'm just really scared and need to vent about it

This is going take long pls read if u have time...I'M SORRY for this long ass story...pls give sm advice if u can tysm
Okay so there's this girl..I 19F now..idk how to mention her..we both were best friends since last 4 years(since 2020 April)we once used to go to same English tuition in std 7 which was in 2017 and continued till 2018 we were just regular normal friends...she was really quite and soft girl and talked nicely and seemed nice so we had our contact numbers exchanged ofc for study purposes but we were in diff schools back then..then after leaving this tuition we stopped contacting eo as we were really busy then suddenly lockdown happened and I posted a portrait of bts member which I sketched then she replied with that and we kept talking about kpop and bts for months and slowly grew really close and started understanding eo cuz were going thru some similar life shit and we grew so close that we literally called eo soulmies and kept contact nicknames we found it adoring..and we had similar pains and past traumas as well..we used to talk every single day from gm text to gn..we were eo's comfort place.
The funny thing was we talked sm that my mom grew so suspicious about it cuz I kept texting and it was some diff shit at my house like she grew to hate my friend...she even read our texts it made me mad for sure but I never let that thing grew apart us.
As time went we talked every single details to eo..she used to shower me with all the affection and attention I ever needed..wrote my text letters almost like an essay..it made me love her more and was grateful to have a friend like her finally in my life.
So after 10th std I decided to switch school to hers cuz I wanted humanities and it was not available in my school sadly so she really helped me cuz I didn't know anyone in that school she gave me contact numbers of her other friends who took humanities to help me out for the notes and subjects...we still adored eo sm I literally had started growing some diff kinda feelings for her??? She literally turned me bisexual for her..no like we literally texted eo that way and we weren't even embarrassed she liked me that way lmfao and I did too after I confessed to her
It was going fine till now until we goy busy with our studies..the lockdown was over..now it was time to attend school offline...I used to keep texting her every now and then,she used to reply in a couple hours then the couple hours turned into days and then to weeks slowly...I knew she was really very busy with her academics as an Pure science student and it was a lot of presa cuz she was pressurised by her Parents especially father that she has to crack jee and stuff and I rooted for her obviously I wanted the best for my beloved person to achieve good things so I hardly complained to her for not giving me time and attention cuz I knew she was working really hard for the academic validation...
And here's me..it's not that I didn't had my own studies..I too was busy going to school attending lectures and ofc trying my best to settle down with the new environment alone..I too had coaching for my design entrance exams it was tiring but i thoughti had a safe place while talking to her will make happ yand make me forget my stress but she hardly answered my texts so I stopped botheringhercuz she had her own stuffs and all and she the main thing was she never texted me first and never said what's going into her life until I forced her to say she never tried to reach me when she needed help..she never tried to even if I said come to me I'm always here to listen u out.
I thought going to her school would be easy for me cuz she'd be there for me but she didn't come to school in 11th grade whole as it was not compulsory for attending...I kept on requesting her throughout the session to attend school so that we could meet for once but she never came to school that year(we could never meet outside cuz we were too busy and she probably wouldn't make it). Then in the next year it became compulsory for seniors to attend school so she used to attend sometimes in a week..we used to meet in breaks or between class exchange times..she then confessed me that she's bi too smhw she's really shy about saying it to me it almost made me crack in person and that meant she liked me that way..I wasn't surprised ofc..it made my heart flutter eventually and happy...but then I said I'm over that phase buy not completely..idk she might have goy upset for that a bit
We were in good terms till then...until I heard one of her classmates said she has a boyfriend??? I thought they just don't know about her that's why they are saying these things and ignored and ofc I don't believe them..cuz if she had one she would say that to me obv..I'm the first person to know about it..then I asked directly to her that are they joking or u really have one? Then she said "I had" I was..I literally had no word I was so speechless that moment..I was dumbfounded...I got mad at her but for not too long cuz I can't be mad with her for a long time
Then the session came to an end...there was smthg I was kinda mad with her so I didn't gave her a hug thar last of our school but then little text talks made me relive my madness even tho we texted once in 4-5 months obviously I texted first and called twice 6 months if she wasn't busy. Then after passing out from school last year we FINALLY made a plan to hangout with eo at a book cafe...we loved reading novels so it was a right place for us to spend some good time...I missed her sooo fvckin much and we met..we discussed many things..I got to know we were having same current interests cuz we never texted in recent yrs..we still adored the same amount as before...um idk about her but atleast I loved her more and nothing changed..it was a beautiful day..it was also thr first time we clicked pics for the first together.
Then she slowly started replying more slowly like 2-3 weeks later it made me bother somewhere but I didn't mind that much still...it wasn't like wasn't busy or I had nothing to do I was struggling with colleges and exam preparations it was traumatising and I didn't reach out to her cuz she'd not answer me and I can't explain everything from the beginning and SMH it became tiring for me now since the month of October?? I had nowhere to vent myself but I kept those feelings to me and have some good online friends so I called her(online friend) and shared my life issues to relive but she wasn't there when I needed her just this way I used to text her few things sometimes about our mutual interests like what we are watching or reading lately to keep talking as an excuse..it got worse when she didn't replied to me within 2-3 days I used to dream about getting her notifications before waking her every day just to open my phone and see thar it was just a silly dream
Whenever I texted to her about why she ignores me like thar I felt anxious everytime and this dream stuffs happens to me then her texts were always sweet like " u are my only one...,I'll make up to u one day I'm sorry...I'm busy ....I'm having classes so I can't reach out to u ...I'm sorry baby...i ignore everyone's text I only text with u.." stuffs smhw made me convince..i only thought of her everyday..it made it come her in my dreams regularly...once I dreamt of us kissing eo it was so embarrassing to me...I couldn't process this...I texted to her and we had a long conversation of not saying what happened to us then I said u should confess first what she dreamt of and it was exactly similar to mine but she saw it like 6 months ago but was too embarrassed to tell me. It was a hilarious night fr..we talked sm just like old days we used to..idk what it really meant.
Anyways..February of this yr came me and my other 3 friends thr grp of 4 of std 12th made a plan to hangout with eo after almost an year cuz some of them went to college out of city..we met and talked stuffs and one of them was her(my bsf) friend who help me with notes and classes in first yr...she talked about her old friends and "my bsf" too like how she never texts to anyone she ignores everyone and how she was in her middle school with her friends how she betrayed her friend and stole her bf and was talking about if her friends were having boyfriends or not and then I confidently again said that "naah..shs is not like that i knoe her very well and she doesn't have any if she had she would tell me and she only talks to me" then we stopped talking about it then.And it is in my vocabulary to call my close friends as 'bro' "bhai" she replied with "don't bro me" as in she didn't want to get bro zoned lmfao it was cute.
Then I called my other friends after thr meet up day whom I haven't talked in few months I was free so..I called her too I thought she wouldn't pick up buy she surprisingly did and we talked for a good time..but it wasn't a good conversation...that time I got to know it wasn't what I actually used to think about her...after asking many times she said she had 2-3 exes..1 current that too it was kind of fake dating...and 1 girl crush...this call made me feel so drained,low,anxious and betrayed and she still claimed i don't call her and it was first time I felt uneasy talking to her so I cut the phone. Then valentines day came I was waiting for her to wish me...her notification made me so happy and texted me HVD really lovingly with a yellow rose pic she was holding I was ecstatic about it I wished her back..I thought that pic was from Pinterest but then I asked this Rose is so pretty "who gave it to u" in thr hope of getting the answer "I bought it", "I downloaded this pic" or smthg like thar but instead it was "my boyfriend gave me ...it was my first time receiving a rose" I was dumbfounded again...it made me feel kinda mad that the she never told me properly she had been in a relationship this all time..was it too much to deserve as a friend?ofc I'd be the happiest if she would be in a happy relationship with a man of her liking who made her happy...I wanted us to be Normal friends...but guess it was never...Anyways so I asked right after that "did u go on a date" she replied "yes" it was hard for me ask all these even though I didn't wanted to but still for her happiness I asked further " tell me everything about happened today gimme some tea" and then.....She left me on seen for fvckin 10 days straight..
I wanted to bash out to her It was my limit now I don't to keep being like this anymore...I wanted to get angry at her and say all my worries that how she has made me so traumatised lately but I just said 'I hate u' without saying much this time I was serious with this text but still seeing thar she didn't replied anything after seeing my text..and after few days she sent me picture of some fruit attached to it saying "baby can you draw this for me?" I was like 'huh??? Seriously ' u don't think we need to talk smthg??? I left her on seen after that until 3 months
I never stopped thinking about her idk..I say to myself I hate her buy still I can't get a hold of myself from thinking about her still every fvckin single day...
So I told her I now have a boyfriend cuz I thought I should let her even though she doesn't deserve to know about this but I'm not like her and texted to her aggressively these things.
Then on my birthday on April she texted me ''Happy birthday (my name)* lots of heart*" exactly at 00:00 . The fact that she never texted me with my name it really..it was not expected but expected..I thought this year she won't wish me even...I replied with just "thanks" which I never texted like with her I was mad tho..then I said "don't u have smthg else to say " she ignored that them I said "u can block me of u are done with me" after that I blocked her I felt really good but then after few days I unblocked her again..I kept dreaming of her like she'd apologise to me or text me anything but it is never happening.
My online and other friends recommended to ditch her block her after I shared this issue with them..I blocked her but couldn't resist myself to unblock .. There was never a day that I never thought about her it's sickening, I even cried sometimes..I want to hate her the amount of I loved her but I can't..we had so many future plans together as friends and goals I never thought of getting another person in my life at all..
I got so desperate today that In my half sleep I thought of texting her again so I texted her "do u hate me" after few mins I deleted it then she texted me back with " what did u delete " I didn't know what to say I was so nervous then after 3 hrs I replied back "nothing..I was half asleep " and she replied back after that so I deleted that as well
I keep on thinking about her more than my own bf and I still can't love him the way I love her it's so complicated I don't know what I'm doing...I feel isolated and anxious and EMPTY without her...I hate her sm but I need her...
Sorry it was me ranting my boring ass issues... If u have read till the end thank you sm and help me out with this if u can.!!

This is going take long pls read if u have time...I'M SORRY for this long ass story...pls give sm advice if u can tysm
Okay so there's this girl..I 19F now..idk how to mention her..we both were best friends since last 4 years(since 2020 April)we once used to go to same English tuition in std 7 which was in 2017 and continued till 2018 we were just regular normal friends...she was really quite and soft girl and talked nicely and seemed nice so we had our contact numbers exchanged ofc for study purposes but we were in diff schools back then..then after leaving this tuition we stopped contacting eo as we were really busy then suddenly lockdown happened and I posted a portrait of bts member which I sketched then she replied with that and we kept talking about kpop and bts for months and slowly grew really close and started understanding eo cuz were going thru some similar life shit and we grew so close that we literally called eo soulmies and kept contact nicknames we found it adoring..and we had similar pains and past traumas as well..we used to talk every single day from gm text to gn..we were eo's comfort place.
The funny thing was we talked sm that my mom grew so suspicious about it cuz I kept texting and it was some diff shit at my house like she grew to hate my friend...she even read our texts it made me mad for sure but I never let that thing grew apart us.
As time went we talked every single details to eo..she used to shower me with all the affection and attention I ever needed..wrote my text letters almost like an essay..it made me love her more and was grateful to have a friend like her finally in my life.
So after 10th std I decided to switch school to hers cuz I wanted humanities and it was not available in my school sadly so she really helped me cuz I didn't know anyone in that school she gave me contact numbers of her other friends who took humanities to help me out for the notes and subjects...we still adored eo sm I literally had started growing some diff kinda feelings for her??? She literally turned me bisexual for her..no like we literally texted eo that way and we weren't even embarrassed she liked me that way lmfao and I did too after I confessed to her
It was going fine till now until we goy busy with our studies..the lockdown was over..now it was time to attend school offline...I used to keep texting her every now and then,she used to reply in a couple hours then the couple hours turned into days and then to weeks slowly...I knew she was really very busy with her academics as an Pure science student and it was a lot of presa cuz she was pressurised by her Parents especially father that she has to crack jee and stuff and I rooted for her obviously I wanted the best for my beloved person to achieve good things so I hardly complained to her for not giving me time and attention cuz I knew she was working really hard for the academic validation...
And here's me..it's not that I didn't had my own studies..I too was busy going to school attending lectures and ofc trying my best to settle down with the new environment alone..I too had coaching for my design entrance exams it was tiring but i thoughti had a safe place while talking to her will make happ yand make me forget my stress but she hardly answered my texts so I stopped botheringhercuz she had her own stuffs and all and she the main thing was she never texted me first and never said what's going into her life until I forced her to say she never tried to reach me when she needed help..she never tried to even if I said come to me I'm always here to listen u out.
I thought going to her school would be easy for me cuz she'd be there for me but she didn't come to school in 11th grade whole as it was not compulsory for attending...I kept on requesting her throughout the session to attend school so that we could meet for once but she never came to school that year(we could never meet outside cuz we were too busy and she probably wouldn't make it). Then in the next year it became compulsory for seniors to attend school so she used to attend sometimes in a week..we used to meet in breaks or between class exchange times..she then confessed me that she's bi too smhw she's really shy about saying it to me it almost made me crack in person and that meant she liked me that way..I wasn't surprised ofc..it made my heart flutter eventually and happy...but then I said I'm over that phase buy not completely..idk she might have goy upset for that a bit
We were in good terms till then...until I heard one of her classmates said she has a boyfriend??? I thought they just don't know about her that's why they are saying these things and ignored and ofc I don't believe them..cuz if she had one she would say that to me obv..I'm the first person to know about it..then I asked directly to her that are they joking or u really have one? Then she said "I had" I was..I literally had no word I was so speechless that moment..I was dumbfounded...I got mad at her but for not too long cuz I can't be mad with her for a long time
Then the session came to an end...there was smthg I was kinda mad with her so I didn't gave her a hug thar last of our school but then little text talks made me relive my madness even tho we texted once in 4-5 months obviously I texted first and called twice 6 months if she wasn't busy. Then after passing out from school last year we FINALLY made a plan to hangout with eo at a book cafe...we loved reading novels so it was a right place for us to spend some good time...I missed her sooo fvckin much and we met..we discussed many things..I got to know we were having same current interests cuz we never texted in recent yrs..we still adored the same amount as before...um idk about her but atleast I loved her more and nothing changed..it was a beautiful day..it was also thr first time we clicked pics for the first together.
Then she slowly started replying more slowly like 2-3 weeks later it made me bother somewhere but I didn't mind that much still...it wasn't like wasn't busy or I had nothing to do I was struggling with colleges and exam preparations it was traumatising and I didn't reach out to her cuz she'd not answer me and I can't explain everything from the beginning and SMH it became tiring for me now since the month of October?? I had nowhere to vent myself but I kept those feelings to me and have some good online friends so I called her(online friend) and shared my life issues to relive but she wasn't there when I needed her just this way I used to text her few things sometimes about our mutual interests like what we are watching or reading lately to keep talking as an excuse..it got worse when she didn't replied to me within 2-3 days I used to dream about getting her notifications before waking her every day just to open my phone and see thar it was just a silly dream
Whenever I texted to her about why she ignores me like thar I felt anxious everytime and this dream stuffs happens to me then her texts were always sweet like " u are my only one...,I'll make up to u one day I'm sorry...I'm busy ....I'm having classes so I can't reach out to u ...I'm sorry baby...i ignore everyone's text I only text with u.." stuffs smhw made me convince..i only thought of her everyday..it made it come her in my dreams regularly...once I dreamt of us kissing eo it was so embarrassing to me...I couldn't process this...I texted to her and we had a long conversation of not saying what happened to us then I said u should confess first what she dreamt of and it was exactly similar to mine but she saw it like 6 months ago but was too embarrassed to tell me. It was a hilarious night fr..we talked sm just like old days we used to..idk what it really meant.
Anyways..February of this yr came me and my other 3 friends thr grp of 4 of std 12th made a plan to hangout with eo after almost an year cuz some of them went to college out of city..we met and talked stuffs and one of them was her(my bsf) friend who help me with notes and classes in first yr...she talked about her old friends and "my bsf" too like how she never texts to anyone she ignores everyone and how she was in her middle school with her friends how she betrayed her friend and stole her bf and was talking about if her friends were having boyfriends or not and then I confidently again said that "naah..shs is not like that i knoe her very well and she doesn't have any if she had she would tell me and she only talks to me" then we stopped talking about it then.And it is in my vocabulary to call my close friends as 'bro' "bhai" she replied with "don't bro me" as in she didn't want to get bro zoned lmfao it was cute.
Then I called my other friends after thr meet up day whom I haven't talked in few months I was free so..I called her too I thought she wouldn't pick up buy she surprisingly did and we talked for a good time..but it wasn't a good conversation...that time I got to know it wasn't what I actually used to think about her...after asking many times she said she had 2-3 exes..1 current that too it was kind of fake dating...and 1 girl crush...this call made me feel so drained,low,anxious and betrayed and she still claimed i don't call her and it was first time I felt uneasy talking to her so I cut the phone. Then valentines day came I was waiting for her to wish me...her notification made me so happy and texted me HVD really lovingly with a yellow rose pic she was holding I was ecstatic about it I wished her back..I thought that pic was from Pinterest but then I asked this Rose is so pretty "who gave it to u" in thr hope of getting the answer "I bought it", "I downloaded this pic" or smthg like thar but instead it was "my boyfriend gave me ...it was my first time receiving a rose" I was dumbfounded again...it made me feel kinda mad that the she never told me properly she had been in a relationship this all time..was it too much to deserve as a friend?ofc I'd be the happiest if she would be in a happy relationship with a man of her liking who made her happy...I wanted us to be Normal friends...but guess it was never...Anyways so I asked right after that "did u go on a date" she replied "yes" it was hard for me ask all these even though I didn't wanted to but still for her happiness I asked further " tell me everything about happened today gimme some tea" and then.....She left me on seen for fvckin 10 days straight..
I wanted to bash out to her It was my limit now I don't to keep being like this anymore...I wanted to get angry at her and say all my worries that how she has made me so traumatised lately but I just said 'I hate u' without saying much this time I was serious with this text but still seeing thar she didn't replied anything after seeing my text..and after few days she sent me picture of some fruit attached to it saying "baby can you draw this for me?" I was like 'huh??? Seriously ' u don't think we need to talk smthg??? I left her on seen after that until 3 months
I never stopped thinking about her idk..I say to myself I hate her buy still I can't get a hold of myself from thinking about her still every fvckin single day...
So I told her I now have a boyfriend cuz I thought I should let her even though she doesn't deserve to know about this but I'm not like her and texted to her aggressively these things.
Then on my birthday on April she texted me ''Happy birthday (my name)* lots of heart*" exactly at 00:00 . The fact that she never texted me with my name it really..it was not expected but expected..I thought this year she won't wish me even...I replied with just "thanks" which I never texted like with her I was mad tho..then I said "don't u have smthg else to say " she ignored that them I said "u can block me of u are done with me" after that I blocked her I felt really good but then after few days I unblocked her again..I kept dreaming of her like she'd apologise to me or text me anything but it is never happening.
My online and other friends recommended to ditch her block her after I shared this issue with them..I blocked her but couldn't resist myself to unblock .. There was never a day that I never thought about her it's sickening, I even cried sometimes..I want to hate her the amount of I loved her but I can't..we had so many future plans together as friends and goals I never thought of getting another person in my life at all..
I got so desperate today that In my half sleep I thought of texting her again so I texted her "do u hate me" after few mins I deleted it then she texted me back with " what did u delete " I didn't know what to say I was so nervous then after 3 hrs I replied back "nothing..I was half asleep " and she replied back after that so I deleted that as well
I keep on thinking about her more than my own bf and I still can't love him the way I love her it's so complicated I don't know what I'm doing...I feel isolated and anxious and EMPTY without her...I hate her sm but I need her...
Sorry it was me ranting my boring ass issues... If u have read till the end thank you sm and help me out with this if u can.!!

I was in a 2.5-year relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The beginning was great; we connected deeply, staying up late talking and feeling a strong bond. However, after about six months, doubts started to creep in on her part, and she frequently questioned my empathy and commitment.
The relationship was marked by severe depressive episodes, during which she attempted suicide three times.
The first attempt happened when she tried to overdosea after we had a fight. I took her to the hospital, which was quite traumatic for me.
The second attempt occurred at her place when she tried to slit her wrists. She also talked about trying to slit her wrists in the wrong way so she wouldn’t die and her father would finally see her real pain and take her back in. (notice the wanting to be seen pattern, this will continue throughout the story)
The third attempt was in Indonesia, where we stayed together for 5 months. She broke up with me and 2 days later drank two liters of gin and took 105 pills. She texted me on Instagram, saying, "I’m sorry I'm doing this, but if you're reading this, I'm probably almost gone. Please call the police". I rushed to her with a motorbike and found her completely unconscious in the bathroom, covered in puke and alcohol. It was a horrifying experience, and I only just managed to get her to the hospital in time. She was in a coma for two days. I remained by her bedside for most of it (only time i wasn’t there was when i was showering or sleeping). She said in her suicide voice memo that she hoped I’d see what i’d done. When confronting her about this, much later, she said she didn’t mean it like that.
I desperately needed a break from all this at this point, so i decided to go to the Philippines with some people in met in Indonesia to calm down and have some fun. Her father was in Indonesia to care for her. She sent her father away and wanted someone to care for her (she was in a wheelchair at this point). At first i told her i wouldn’t come, i desperately needed some time away with friends. In response to this she said that if i couldn’t or wouldn’t come, she would seek care from other guys(!), as she "needed" care. This would risk me losing her forever and i couldn’t stand the thought of her being with other guys. So i cut my trip short to care for her. Even though she was tearing my mental health apart. She probably did this all unconsciously, but that doesn’t make the manipulation any less worse (for me).
Throughout our relationship, she changed rapidly between idealising me and devaluing me, She often thought i was the absolute most amazing guy she ever met. We talked so many times about starting a family together at a later point in our lives (we are both in our twenties). At other points she was calling me names like "narcissist," (her favourite one) "selfish," and "lacking empathy.".
Despite all the doubts about me, I still always tried to support her. We for example went through therapy together to work on our problems.
The story of how we initially got together is also complicated. She agreed to go out with me initially to make another guy, whom I'll call Peter, jealous. Peter and her were in love when they were 16, she however ended up going with another guy. Peter had called her a bitch, and she wanted to get back at him. Despite our toxic start, we developed deep feelings for each other, but Peter remained a symbolic presence in the background, as she never truly closed that chapter.
Eventually, I discovered she was texting another man extensively, even while we were still together. She had thousands of messages with him, filled with affectionate terms like "honey." and photos in her lingerie. "Please just fuck me" When I confronted her, she initially claimed she had set it all up to drive me away so she could commit suicide without my interference. Later, she admitted she genuinely felt seen by him, contrasting with her feelings towards me. She said she didn't delete the messages because she wanted me to find out and leave her, enabling her to end her life without feeling responsible for hurting me directly. Which again turned out to he a lie. She even met him (in my clothing even) and they kissed. She seeked comfort about this and made up a lie that she was with a friend and it turned sour. I was there for her, caressed her, cared for her. It was all a lie of course. Even when she was already talking to him i tried to help her with her problems to the best of my ability. She complimented me for always being there for her. It was not enough apparently. Her fourth suicide attempt happened just after i confronted her about her cheating. She smashed a mirror and tried to slit her wrists, but the police were already at our house. They broke down the door to save her. Each of these suicide attempts left me feeling deeply traumatized and helpless.
After another breakup, she quickly moved on and began seeing other people. She also started using Tinder, which she previously mocked as something only "losers" use. Her inconsistent behavior and frequent changes of mind about our relationship and future plans, after we had for example another fight, left me confused and hurt. For example, she would tell me one week that she couldn’t imagine being in another relationship for years, as she wanted to work on herself. Two and a half weeks later after a fight, she was eager to start a new relationship. I quote: “I’m a relationship girl.” “Im really looking forward to being in a new relationship, just not with you.”
She often felt i was not being supportive enough. For instance, once when she was sick, she texted me early in the morning that she couldn’t sleep, and later expressed her disliking of me not physically helping her, calling me an "empathiless jerk." I was never enough for her. I never truly made her feel safe and seen. I (and she) always blamed me for this.
After she cheated and she broke up with me for the 8th time (i think, i lost count), I still helped her move out and tried to be supportive. This pattern of me trying to fix things while she repeatedly engaged in deep destructive behavior has left me very traumatized.
Eventually, after we broke up for the final time, she told me she wanted to meet up with “Peter”. Despite her previous claims that she wouldn't see him because it would be hurtful to me, she said it felt strange that she couldn't meet him now that we had broken up. I told her i would severely dislike it but i couldn’t stop her. She met with him and quickly became infatuated, telling me how seen and understood she felt by him. This was especially painful because he was always in the background during our relationship, and now she expressed feelings for him. She also expressed how this guy has quite some impracticalities but she really feels seen and safe with him, in contrast with me.
She looks for someone to give her security and that "sees" her. She is trying to fill a void that will never be full. She was so self-aware of this pattern at first, but when we broke up for the final time, she slipped right back into it. Like she had no reflection whatsover. She just jumped right back into a rebound. Not healing her problems and once again falling into the cycle. Her words were literally: “he made me feel so safe and seen, i think he might be exactly what i NEED. Notice the word need. She is trying to fill this deep emotional hole. It however will never be healed by someone else. At some point she will realise that this guy cannot give her the safety and this feeling of being "seen" she so desperately wants (and believes she deserves, she always used to say: "I deserve someone that sees me / has empathy / etc.), because it is impossible for another human. This along with all the other toxic things she had done, proves to me that I should step away and disconnect completely. I accept that she is this way. I will work to fill my emotional hole, without anything external. I will become better. And when she finally leaves this guy (and she will eventually when she figures out this guy also can’t heal her childhood trauma), i will be healed, and she will not be. She will still be blaming me and him and all the other guys for letting her down, unbeknownst that it is she who let herself down, by not taking the time to be alone and heal. Only time will tell.
I recently unblocked her and look at what she is posting on Tiktok and instagram. I hoped to see something of her rebound which would make it easier for me to move on. Nothing about him though. But she did recently made a video about narcissism. She’s keeping it anonymous but some points (not all) are definitely about me. I agree with some points though. For example: when she talks about something she dislikes about me, like wanting me to act differently, i could get very defensive. I would explain why i did a certain behaviour, instead of trying to understand her. I could also get frustrated and angry because i felt so not valued. I gave up my own mental health for her and chewed through multiple traumas, but it was never enough for her. There was always something in which i failed her. She always felt not seen and unsafe. I cant take her accountable for this, its childhood trauma. The fact that i was never enough for her frustrated me so much, i didn’t even know this at this point so i just responded with anger and frustration when she wanted to bring up something which she disliked about me. Feelings like these occured : “Don’t you see what I’m giving up for you? Don’t you see how many things i eat up, just so we don’t fight?”. She however correlates this anger, defensiveness and frustration with narcissism, that hurts my feelings. Perhaps we should’ve had a better talk about this. Its all what-ifs now. It hurts so much. I should’ve never ever prioritised her well being over my own. But i was dependent on her love (my psychologist says i have traits of a Dependent personality disorder.)
I’m currently struggling to move on. I think about her constantly, dream about her every night, and feel jealous of her new rebound, despite knowing how toxic she was for me. What makes this so hard is that she is so fucking beautiful too, she is an absolutely stunning woman to look at. I cant keep my mind off of her. I long for her. I was and am so extremely in love with her. My friends and therapist (and myself) see how harmful this relationship was for me. Her extremely impulsive, emotionally driven, destructive behaviour has scarred my capability to love. Yet I find myself longing to fix things and be there for her. I’m so mad at her for putting me through all this pain, but at the same time, I’ve lost my best friend, my lover, and my biggest cheerleader.
How can I move on from this? How do I stop thinking about her (and this new guy) and focus on my own well-being?

I have been really struggling. Divorced mom of 2 boys, started dating boyfriend, divorced with 2 boys as well. Everything moved really fast, and looking back I think this relationship has been abusive since the beginning.
The beginning: Love bombing, MASSIVE blow outs that were just classified as "miscommunication", showering me with presents and paying for things, asking to move in FAST, lots of trips and exploring.
Then turned into: Not liking any of my friends, needing to "borrow" money all the time and not paying me back, opening a credit card in my name and never making a single payment on it after it was maxed out, drinking and driving with me in the passenger and speeding up to almost 200mph, punching holes in my walls, screaming at me in front of my kids, always expressing issues he has with me, not liking any of my family, getting access to my bank account and linking all of his stuff to it, literally draining everything I had to my name. He actually convinced me to quit my job to work with him and after a about a month said he couldn't justify paying me, so I got a side job but continued to work with him basically 24/7 for free.
I was able to break things off and get him out of my house for a few months. Once I finally got into a new career and things started turning around his friends and family started blowing up my phone that I needed to unblock him and talk to him. I didn't. He then sent a 6 page typed document to my house looking for closure. So I took the bait and met up with him. Talked and I kid you not he got right back into my house, quickly, again. The letter seemed like he realized he messed up and would do the work to change and make things better.
Before I go any further, let's get this out of the way. When he met he had suffered a really bad car accident. This in turn led to a below the knee amputation. I have been by his side from the beginning and have taken care of him in every way you can imagine. He owns his own business (small company) where he did not carry any type of disability, or medical leave benefits.
Things turned into: Supporting my entire household, as well as keeping his business afloat while dealing with the crippling debt he had already put me in, not supporting me going to therapy or spending too much time with my family/ being away from him, anytime I would try to say things aren't working he would suggest my medications must be off, or I am not thinking clearly.
Currently I would say we are the best we have been in a while. How that looks is he does not yell or get violent anymore. I was able to get him out of my bank accounts, but as of late started asking for money again, saying he will pay me back and simply just does not. My mortgage was late this month so I know I can't continue lending him money again. I feel as a shell of a human that is just here to cook, clean and do for him.
Any time we talk about breaking up he tells me I am his person and I must be confused. It seems like I am stuck in the twilight zone and can't figure out what to do.
Sorry for the rant, and appreciate anyone who takes the time for advice or to even read this post.

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/lolfuckno.
This post was originally posted to weddingshaming.
There was already a BoRU post by u/autochthonouschimera, which didn't include the last update yet.
TRIGGER WARNING: cheating, child neglect, extreme entitledness, talk of abortion
MOOD SPOILERS: infuriating, confusing, frustrating
The new update at the bottom of this post has been marked with --- ---
EDIT/DISCLAIMER: FFS FOLLOW THE NO BRIGADING RULE = DO NOT COMMENT ON THE ORIGINAL POSTS LINKED IN BoRUs!! THIS OFC ALSO INCLUDES NOT TEXTING THE OOP DIRECTLY, NOT REPORTING THEM TO SUBS LIKE care AND NOT INCLUDING THEM IN THREADS AND DISCUSSIONS!! LEAVE THEM ALONE, THIS SUB IS MADE TO LURK AND GET SOME SPICY STORIES WITH CLOSURE, NOT TO HARRASS PEOPLE WHO ALREADY GOT ALOT OF INPUT THROUGH DIFFERENT SUBs!!
Original story was posted on December 7, 2021
Okay, so this girl I know from high school is getting married. We're both 22, for reference. In our senior year of high school she got pregnant, with baby daddy A who will be referred to as Adam. Her super conservative parents kicked her out and she ended up moving in with a friend's family. She barely graduated high school. The only reason she did were because of the generosity and support of our teachers and students who volunteered to help her, which is how we met. We were in the same law class in the morning and she had the worst morning sickness that really affected her ability to be in class. So, I took extra notes for her, tutored her, and brought her her stuff if she hadn't come back by the bell. I wasn't the only one who did stuff like this for her and I know she really appreciates all the assistance we gave her. She had the baby a month after we graduated.
She'd signed up for a 911 dispatcher course for after high school because where we live it's a good steady job, with opportunity for certificates and promotions. But she didn't realize how intensive the course would be and had to drop out. She started working at a grocery store bakery, just until she had a better plan. Adam started an apprenticeship while working part time at a hockey rink, and proposed to her literally the day of her eighteenth birthday, and brought up marriage because "it's the right thing to do" (I don't really agree with that but this isn't about me) and she was always refusing.
She started cheating on him after a while (we're all 19 now), and eventually leaves him for another guy because... She's pregnant again and it is far more likely that this guy, baby daddy B who will be referred to as Brad, is the father of the child. Neither of them can afford lawyers so getting any kind of custody agreement is a mess, and then their parents got involved and they did 50/50 split (still not made official). She has the baby, that does turn out to be Brad's, and everything is okay for about nine months, when she finds out Brad has been cheating on her with his TA. Brad decides to pay child support but doesn't really want contact with the kid, only around holidays and one weekend a month for his parents' sake.
She moves back in with her parents (we're all 20 now) who only accept her back because there's grandchildren around. On the plus side, (when she's 21) she gets to take that year long dispatcher course, and passes with flying colours!
After working as a dispatcher for a year (we're all 22 now) she meets a police officer we'll call Chad, who's 26 and married... And Adam's second (?) cousin (I can't remember how they're related, just that Adam and Chad are related somewhat distantly). She has an affair with him (infidelity is super common among cops apparently). She gets knocked up, his wife divorces him, Chad proposes because "it's the right thing to do", she accepts, and her parents kick her out again for being a [insert expletive here], she moves in with Chad with her two kids. They've started planning the wedding, which... Given the background is something akin to a dumpster fire. Adam is LIVID. He was desperately in love with this girl and hasn't really recovered from what she did to him, and while she rejected his proposals years ago, she's accepted one FROM HIS COUSIN WHO PROPSED FOR THE SAME REASON HE DID.
Adam has basically made a call for loyalty in the family, dividing everyone one who should go, who should give money, etc plus they're having trouble planning anything because of COVID. Her parents have outright said that they're not going, along with half of her family, and her younger sister has been going around and sabotaging what plans they can make.
She has asked me to be a bridesmaid, I said that I couldn't because I live in a different province now, but the truth is, I do not want to be wrapped up in that clusterfuck in any way . I'm just watching the arguments and events unfold on social media because this is quite honestly the most entertaining thing I've seen all year. It's weird to me that she even asked because we're not friends, we never have been. We were friendly strangers in high school, I just helped her out for one class because she needed help and I could give it to her. I was just being nice. But based on how she turned out I'm just sad for her. Three kids in four years, and she's alienated so much of her friends and family because if her actions, and I'm torn between feeling sorry for her and putting my head in my hands.
EDIT 1:
First off, all of your comments are hilarious. Second, I'm going to answer some of the common questions.
We're from a city with over 400,000 thousand people, she just comes from the neighbourhood that is made of either bible thumpers or white trash, with no in between. But the high school we went to was in a completely different neighbourhood than that.
Our school had a pretty good sex Ed course, and they gave out free condoms and had resources to help girls get birth control, and they had programs in place for if students ever got pregnant/were going to be teen parents (they also had one of those classes with the dolls for girls who were high risk at teen pregnancy but she wasn't high risk so she wasn't in that class) I don't if BC just didn't work for her, or if she never tried it.
She started alienating her friends after the affair with Chad came out, because people weren't exactly jumping for joy that she'd broken up a marriage (Chad and his ex didn't have any kids, thankfully, so there were less obstacles). When people weren't immediately ecstatic for her she started getting very snippy, rude, and was "calling the bitches out" on social media for not supporting her new relationship or pregnancy. (Tbh I'm really worried about her health because having this many babies so close together is just not good for her health, mental or physical.) People are also worried that Chad will cheat on her "if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you" and think she should avoid marrying him so that she can just leave him if it happens.
I'll give you updates as they come out, but so far it's just a lot of yelling on social media (mostly from her), some relatives slut shaming her, and people who are just really worried about her because, as funny as this is, this doesn't seem like healthy behaviour.
EDIT 2:
First off, I realized I never gave this girl a name. For the sake of clarity we'll call her Beth. I realize that I didn't mention this before, but all of these are fake names.
Second, to everyone commenting that Chad is at fault for his marriage breaking up, believe me I'm well aware of that. It is his ex wife and her family/friends who solely blame Beth. Chad is also older than her and has more life experience, so I do believe that he could potentially be taking advantage of her naivete. However, she is also an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and has chosen to make poor ones in the past.
Third, people who are upset that I'm posting this story here, claiming I'm humiliating her. She has been posting about this mess on every social media platform she has since they got engaged in July. She put this out there long before I did except she did so in front of friends, family, employers, and coworkers, as well as internet randos.
Fourth, despite getting engaged in July and attempting to start planning then, I was only asked to be a bridesmaid three days ago. I knew that there was a mess going on but I didn't really pay attention to it until she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I tried to ask what was going on, I said that she should talk to someone, but when she completely brushed me off I checked her FB and Instagram and found out about all of... This.
Fifth, I realized that I didn't really talk about how disastrous the wedding planning has been going, see here you go:

• they've had to rebook three times because venues and vendors kept cancelling when infection numbers got worse even thought their wedding was months away
• Beth has been flipping between having the wedding while she's pregnant saying she's proud of her bump, and wanting to wait until they're born because she feels fat, which is unfortunate because she's been breaking down due her insecurity on a public platform
• Beth is currently seven months pregnant
• Beth's great aunt was going to give her her wedding dress to wear (after she gives birth) but Beth's mom freaked and stole the dress from said aunt before Beth could get it and is now keeping it, the great aunt says she's too old to get in a fight and has shrugged it off
• Chad's immediate family is paying for the wedding and has been cut off by the rest of their extended family for 'choosing Chad'
• Beth's wedding colours are pink and green, which is usually a nice combo but the specific shades don't go great together, they're her and Chad's favourite colours, which is fine but she literally made a video talking about these colours for 14 minutes on her insta and both of her kids are just full on bawling in the background and she's ignoring them and she's gotten some flack for that
• Adam is finally settled into his trade and has now hired a lawyer and is trying to get primary custody and not allow his daughter to go to the wedding
• she's planning a zoom baby showebachelorette party and has sent out a registry and she's asking for crazy expensive things
• she's also set up a go fund me to help pay for a honeymoon and is making a lot of posts about how no one loves her cause the fund only has $1267 of the $20k she wanted

I'll update when I can but I'm still in school and while I do want to help her, she's refused help offered in the past and there's only so much of this I can take mentally right now.
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UPDATE:
Hey everyone, so some stuff has gone down, and it doesn't look like it's over yet. Sorry, I didn't update sooner, but Rona came back with a vengeance and totally messed up plans with uni and family. Anyway, onto the update.
From the last update - 16th - Lots of ranting and chaotic wedding planning on social media, she found a dress and has decided she will get married while pregnant, they found a local wedding venue that is very lovely, but I'm shocked she's still trying to book stuff with all of their previous venue cancellations.
December 16th - Her little sister unblocked her to call her a s*ut and tell her that all her wedding plans were stupid. This resulted in a petty and entertaining facebook war until the little sis blocked her again on the 17th.
December 18th - Beth went nuts on social media because Adam had "kidnapped" their daughter, what really happened is that because courts are moving at a snail's pace due to COVID and Adam had reason to believe that their daughter was not safe living with Beth he decided to just... Not give her back. They don't have a custody agreement, and when Beth tried to call the cops they couldn't do anything because he was kinda right. There were dozens of videos on her various social media accounts of her ignoring their daughter, yelling at her daughter for crying or doing other things that toddlers do, it turns out that everything she needed was bought by Adam, food, diapers, clothes, toys, daycare (while it was open) etc. on top of the unofficial child support he was paying every month (which turned out to be $500 a month, a number I find ridiculous because Adam was already paying for literally everything) because she refused to buy anything for her daughter and insisted it was Adam's responsibility. Additionally, after the immediate post-birth appointments, Beth never took baby A to a doctor's appointment, she always deferred that to Adam. Baby A's pediatrician has NEVER met Beth. Beth even tried to get Chad to push back or intimidate him or something, but the local police where we live are under one hell of a microscope after a bunch of dirty cops got busted a couple of years ago. Basically, the cops, and the social worker they ended up calling, ended up saying there was nothing she could do until they get to court. The social worker tried to get her to go to therapy and parenting classes, but Beth refused and went on a fifteen paragraph long rant on Facebook about how she doesn't need parenting classes or therapy (she really, really does though) and called the social worker some choice words.
December 19-24 - Just a bunch of ranting on social media, calling everyone who doesn't enable or justify her behaviour cuss words, slurs, and a whole bunch of other horribly creative things. Also, both she and Chad are under investigation at work now, but she has no idea why. I'm gonna take this time to remind everyone that 99% of this info is coming from her public social media pages where her coworkers are friends and place of employment is listed.
December 25 - I am officially embarrassed to know this woman. I didn't go on her FB page until the evening cause I didn't want to deal with drama, first thing in the morning, on Xmas. In the morning she put on a very beautiful blue maternity dress, got Chad in his police blues, and baby B in a purple romper, and then live-streamed her and her family going to the courthouse to get married on Christmas day. (According to her Twitter, part of this was because their newest venue cancelled on them after COVID numbers spiked) Overall, a pretty tacky thing in my opinion because she stated plain as day, several times, that she intended her wedding anniversary to eclipse Christmas for her children because it's just "so much more special, you know?" (I am so glad that Baby B's grandparents are filing for guardianship) But here's the thing... The courthouse isn't open. Because of COVID for one thing, but also because it's Xmas and Canada has a predominantly Christian history. She proceeded to have a full meltdown, and when Baby B cried because, y'know, the kid's mom was screaming up a storm and scaring her, Beth called her a c*nt. Yup. So done with this bitch.
December 28 - I ran into her at a vaccine clinic cause we were both getting our booster shots. She didn't recognize me at first but one of my old bosses (cause I used to work at the hospital the vaccine clinic was in) called my name and said hi, so she came up to me after my old boss had left. We talked a bit while we sat down for the mandatory waiting period after getting the shot. She asked how I was but didn't even wait for me to respond before she started ranting and complaining about her life. I was just going to sit there until the time was up and then just politely make my exit, but when she started talking shit about her kids something inside me snapped. I just said "Do you even like your kids? Do you like being a mom?" She got pretty quiet for a second and then said "no". Idk, her voice and demeanour completely changed and we just sat in silence until our time was up. I said goodbye but it was really awkward.
December 31st (today) - I just looked at her feed and, this is such a shocking what-the-actual-f*** moment. She's thinking about giving up her kids. She went on about how recently she was asked if she liked her kids or being a mom, and how she realized that she didn't. She hates her children and blames them for ruining her life, and how she doesn't want to be a mom. I mean, nothing is official yet, but what the hell?!
I'll update as stuff happens now that I have the time, but this whole thing has been a big giant mess. Also, sorry for any formatting or grammatical errors, I'm not used to using Reddit on my PC.
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UPDATE
Okay, so, some stuff has happened and most of it's good? Also, the TL:DR for this update will be at the bottom
Jan 4th - Beth (and Chad) stopped posting on all social media. I was actually a little worried she died, I mean this woman posts everything short of her trips to the bathroom on IG.
Oddly enough, this got people messaging or interacting with her social media pages because she was usually the one to start contact, and that contact was usually yelling. No one heard from them and some people started to be like "should we call the cops for a wellness check?" Until Chad posted a status saying that they're fine but are "busy, please stop trying to contact us right now". Everyone listened but it was weird.
Jan 11 - I got a notification that Beth and Chad are active on social media again, but I didn't feel like drama so I didn't check out any of their posts.
Jan 12 (today) - she messaged me on FB asking me to be her MOH. She also kept going on about the resort in Cancun that she and Chad were looking to have their wedding at... This coming February. Omnicrom is really bad where we are, so no one should be travelling anywhere. I've actually had to delay my trip back to the province where I go to university. No one should be travelling anywhere.
Beth also found out that Chad was cheating on her with one of her co-workers and called the woman a "homewrecker" on FB tagged her, and posted the texts she found on Chad's phone. But Chad is the "love of her life" so she's forgiven him, but not the other woman. Which I find very hypocritical, considering how she and Chad got together.
She also sent pics of possible bridesmaid dresses and they are the most hideous dresses I've ever seen. I know that some brides do that thing where they want to look a million times better by comparison but this was just ridiculous. One of them looked like a partially deflated balloon with feathers strapped to it. She also openly admitted that she expected everyone attending to pay 3k, 2k would go towards that guest's stay at the resort and 1k would go to her and Chad and they will expected wedding gifts, so that they could get their room for free. Apparently, she talked to someone at the resort and if she got enough people to book their rooms she and Chad would get theirs for free. She also wanted the money to be given to her instead of directly to the hotel so that people wouldn't realize that she was taking 1k of their money. Beth sent me a pic of the wedding dress she wanted, and it's definitely a clubbing dress. If that's what she wants that's fine (and for the record I do think she would look great in it, Beth's (current) dream wedding dress ) but she wants all the guests to be dressed black tie. And she's already sent a list of unreasonable requests. Such as;

• all women must wear heels (for a wedding in the beach???)
• no one is allowed to have a baby or be pregnant (really?)
• girls must have longer than shoulder length hair, boys must have very short hair, only and inch or two long
• no one is allowed to be skinnier than her
• she will be providing diets for everyone attending based on how she wants us to look
• she and Chad must get bachelor and bachelorette parties both in Canada and in Mexico that need to be "fit for a king and queen" and both must be paid for but anyone but the bride and groom "cause that's just tacky"
• no unnatural hair
• no tattoos (you have five tattoos, Beth, and in the dress you want all will be on full display)
• no one is allowed to talk to her directly, they must speak through the MOH and BM

Honestly there's a lot more but I didn't feel like typing all that out. She's posted the list on FB and IG and people are already calling her a bridezilla.
I was also just kinda weirded out because aside from the previous convo at the hospital and when she originally asked me to be a bridesmaid, we haven't spoken since high school. So I respectfully declined, stating that the virus and school were my top concerns right now. Then, I decided to check her socials to see if she'd posted anything. She had and everything was basically how it was before the hiatus... Except her kids are nowhere to be found. No "look at my cute baby" pics are kids crying in the background of her videos. Nothing. Though, based on her new pics of herself, she's given birth to baby C. I mean, she's definitely still recovering, but she also definitely had a baby and that baby is not on any of her socials, so when she responded to my decline with an attempt at guilting me to be her MOH, I asked her where her kids were. This was her response.
"Oh, I left them at the side of the road in our way home from the hospital those moochers could walk home lol"
I was like, please tell me you're not being serious (especially cause it looks like she had the baby days ago). And she replied "I was just joking you shouldn't be so serious all the time". Honey, you made a joke about child abandonment/abuse, you're not being serious enough. And then I finally got the update on the kids.

• Baby A is still with Adam, Beth signed away her rights
• Baby B and Baby C have been given to a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad who is infertile (tbh I didn't need that last tidbit of info or the three paragraph long rant about how God hates infertile women, I didn't even read all of it, I couldn't, and I didn't think that Beth could be so cruel to even think those things). I checked out the FB page of Baby B's grandparents and they're happy with their grandchild's new parents, it looks like the cousin and her husband and welcoming them to the family as another set of grandparents and will let them have access to B. So yay!
• One thing I do need to stress though is that because of COVID the courts in our areas are either moving at a snail's pace or closed, so none of this is "official" but Beth (and Chad) has signed paperwork and all that needs to happen now is presenting that to a judge.

And when I rejoined our convo she said the doc she had for baby C gave her brith control, and she was surprised cause after her first pregnancy she asked her doctor for it but he refused to give her any. She mentioned that her old doctor was also her mom's and sister's doctor, she ended up asking the doc who delivered baby C to be her new doctor, so I hope that works out.
After learning all this my convo with Beth started to go down hill...
Beth: wait, did you actually think I would just leave my kids at the side of the road! I just didn't want to be a mom, but I wasn't a bad one
Me: Beth, I think that you've been through a lot of trauma in the past few years, and that it's gotten to you mentally and that you should speak to a professional.
(Of course, Beth has been a bad mom, but she does need mental health help and I wasn't going to convince her to get it, or to not tell at me, if I said that )
Beth: what? You think I'm crazy?!
Me: no. I think that getting kicked out as a teen because of a pregnancy and having your family actively reject you and try to sabotage you must have been very painful. Plus, pregnancy puts a lot of mental stress on women and you've had three in such a short time span, I just want you to take care of yourself and get what you want in life, and I think that will start with you taking care of your mental health.
Beth: what I want... IS FOR YOU TO GO STRAIGHT TO HELL! Beth then calls me every cuss word, expletive, and derogatory word she can think of one of the words she called me was a derogatory word about people from my ethnicity and my blood is boiling that she thought it was okay to say that to me.
So, I'm now on her hit list. She's been blowing up my social media all day, on her last FB post where she called me a slur she said that she still expects a good wedding gift from me. Yeah, no. So I've blocked her on everything, and I've decided to completely cut off contact. This will be my last update.
TL:DR - Beth went on a social media blackout for a bit, had baby C. Gave up all her kids, baby A is still with Adam, Baby B and Baby C are with a mutual cousin of Adam and Chad and baby B's grandparents have access. Chad cheated on her and she forgave him, but she probably shouldn't have. She's decided to have her wedding in a little over a month in Cancun and is expecting unreasonable things of everyone already. She asked me to be MOH I respectfully declined. I also suggested that she talk to a mental health professional because she's been through a lot in the last few years and she cussed me out, she also called me a derogatory name directed at people of my ethnicity and that was the final nail in the coffin. I'm now on her hit list. But her kids are safe and I have no interest in going to wedding so I'm cutting contact completely and have already blocked her on all my socials. I'm refusing to be involved with her anymore and will not be updating on the situation.
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--- EDIT - NEW UPDATE --- - JANUARY 25, 2023 - TL:DR AT THE BOTTOM
Hi, everyone, I didn't think I would be making another update, but here I am. I don't know if anyone will even care but whatever. I saw a YouTuber, Charlotte Dobre, do an entire video about this post on Facebook (which was funny, she did it well), [editor's note: here's the video in question and also: check out Charlotte Dobre's subreddit !] and got so nervous that Beth was gonna see it. Turned out, she's seen it and does not give a single damn, because as I pointed out, the majority of the info in this post came from her public social media. She also doesn't know who posted it (more on that in the update). I am still no contact with Beth and have no plans to change that anytime soon, but we have mutual friends who have told and shown me what's happened.
First things first, she and Chad did get married, but they eloped. According to all sources they are completely and utterly miserable though. Chad has proven to be and overall lazy and unfaithful husband, and Beth has really gotten into feminism (with a focus on reproductive issues) after she started using birth control, and Roe v Wade getting overturned (even though we're in Canada) really caused tension in their marriage. As it turns out, Chad thinks that abortion is murder and God created women for the purpose of making babies.
Beth tried to argue that not all women want or should be mothers using herself as an example, and then Chad went ahead and used her as an example of why women should be forced to have kids, because in the end she gave kids to an infertile couple. She didn't take that well and said that her entire life and future was ripped away from her and destroyed the second she got pregnant with baby A. Adam was never slut shamed or demeaned like she was, both at home and at school (which is a fair point, myself and many others were helpful and supportive but there were a lot of people who judged the hell out of her and said really nasty stuff) and that if she hadn't gotten pregnant she would've gone to college or university because she lost the general and financial support of her family with that positive pregnancy test. Chad has made a Tinder account. Beth was informed but it doesn't seem like she gave a damn.
So basically you could cut the tension with a knife.
And with her family, her sister came out as gay and cut off/has been cut off from their parents. But she's got a partial scholarship so she's doing okay. She and Beth are NOT on good terms but have met up and acknowledged that their parents messed them up by being religious nuts and their parents encouraged them to be competitive with each other and sabotage each other. Apparently their dad's motto is "competition brings out the best in everyone" (ugh). But they've talked and that's good enough for now.
Neither Beth nor Chad have custody or visitation of their children, which Chad is starting to regret because he's suddenly getting more and more into the church and religion. Chad talked to Beth about getting baby C back but Beth shut that down hard and warned the cousin who adopted baby C (officially and legally btw).
Beth started going to therapy after she and Chad got married, which makes me very happy and excited for her.
There was a rumour going around that Chad has a mistress and it took me a while to confirm, but it's true. He's cheating on her with a paramedic and she knows. Beth is fully aware. Idk if she plans to do anything about it or just continue to ignore it, but I hope she leaves his ass. I'm still not gonna talk to her, she crossed so many lines, but she's grown and improved a lot and her life would be a lot better without that sac of scum in her life.
Now, I have given a few details in my post that should've revealed my identity to her, namely her asking me to be her MOH. I have found out that she actually asked around 15 girls (including myself) to be her MOH, without telling any of us about the others because she was trying to get money from all of us and because her mental health has just been very bad and she needed help. And of those 15, 8 have been going to school out of province and of those eight we all had basically the same classes in high school. And apparently doesn't remember our discussion at the vaccination clinic and had major blow up with everyone she asked to be MOH. So she knows it's one of 8 people and reportedly has no interest in trying to narrow that number down. (Chad did the same thing with his groomsmen, but idk any of the numbers)
TL:DR Beth and Chad got married (eloped), are miserable, have zero custody or visitation with any of their children, Chad's cheating and Beth doesn't appear to care, Chad is super sexist, Beth is a feminist now, Beth's sister is gay and they've talked but not reconciled, Beth asked too many girls to be MOH for money and doesn't know the ID of who made this post.
Dear "Beth", if this post gets forwarded to you or somehow graces your phone screen, leave Chad. He's trash and you'll be much better without him in your life. And though I'm not willing to talk to you again because of your words and actions, I do wish for you to have a wonderful and happy life.
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I'm not the OOP!

2 years of creating memories, talking about our future together and creating a family. Conversations about getting a house together. Meeting eachothers family. The late night, vulnerable conversations. The support and love we shared for one another. Cuddling and falling asleep in the arms of her. Our animals growing close together. Constantly stating how “I’ve never felt like this for anyone I’ve ever met.” I was going to propose to her on Valentine’s Day this year. I even bought the ring. To becoming distant strangers. And now, to her not wanting anything to do with me.
She broke up with me in February because of something extremely stupid I said. I felt like she was already one foot out the door and I threatened to take my own life as some kind of weird reaction to this feeling. To avoid being abandoned, I guess? All it did was cement her decision to leave me and break my heart for good. I terrified her. I pushed her away.
She blocked my number in February as well and I was absolutely brokenhearted. I couldn’t eat. I thought of her everyday. I cried every day. Crying at work. In the shower. Crying In bed holding the squishmellow Gengar she gave me for my birthday last year.
I decided to return the last of her possessions this Sunday and stupidly I knocked on her door and asked for some kind of closure because I wasn’t really sure why she left me. Left our future. Left our fur family. And I got answers. We caught up a little bit. I told her I’m going to therapy and getting help for my issues. Before leaving, I asked if we could remain friends, with the hopes of somehow fixing what I ruined. She unblocked my number and we sent a few heartfelt texts Monday morning then she stopped replying all week. I am so impulsive that I took her silence as not wanting anything to do with me again. So I called her today after work and she just seems so cold towards me. Understandably. She said me reaching out is like taking a bandage off a wound that hasn’t healed yet. I am filled with regret.
I feel like my healing and progress has been reset. I feel like I am almost as sad as I was in February. I miss my bestfriend. I miss my soulmate. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss waking up to her in the morning.
I should have never knocked on the door. I should have left her alone. I should have continued to work on myself and heal. Maybe she would have come back with time. But now, I feel like I have pushed her away to a place that she will never comeback.
I should have stayed no contact. I will now go no contact and leave her alone. For good. For life.
I wish this pain would just leave me. My hear hurts so badly.
Sarita, I am so sorry from the bottom of my entire heart that I wasn’t better for you. I will always love you. I will always miss you.
Don’t be like me. Don’t break no contact. Don’t re-break your own heart. Don’t push away the person you love the most.