How to have an intercourse with mom

I have an open case with my ex boyfriend who lied to me about his age and his entire identity. My ex boyfriend who were gonna call "Travis" lied to me and told me he was 18 and a senior in high school keep in mind I am 16 and a sophomore with two more years left of high school to go. Travis is a 25 year old grown man who was toxic towards me all throughout our entire relationship. And to cover up everything he would do to me he would favor me with gifts all the time. He would constantly pressure me to have intercourse with him and I would refuse every single time which would trigger him to get upset and angry with me. A couple months back my favorite artist Doja Cat went on tour in my state in Boston Massachusetts Travis promised me he would take me to the concert and instead he used that money to uber me to a hotel. This is when things went down hill... When I showed up to the hotel we got into a huge argument and then he left to get us food when we were done eating he started acting different and demanded I remove my clothes and have s*x with him I kept refusing and he eventually made his way inside of me forcefully. I kept the hotel thing a secret for almost 3 months because I was terrified to speak up for myself eventually I went back to therapy and opened up and told my therapist what had happen a investigation opened up and I now have a male detective who is now in charge of this case. On Monday May 13, I got called down to the police station by the detective in the room was me (obviously) , the detective, my mom, and some other lady. Immediately The detective asked me questions like how me and my ex met and I had responded by telling him we met through snap chat and the detective straight-up called me a liar and was trying to accuse me of lying about being a single mother I got really upset and left the room and went outside a few minutes later the detective came outside got all up in my face and told me if I dare to leave the property he was gonna arrest me. Keep in mind I did not commit a crime in the building. He then proceed to say in the state of Massachusetts the age of consent is 16 and what my ex did to me at the hotel was not illegal. I'm now in a position where I am unsure if I wanna move forward with this case when I requested someone else to take over the case the detective refused to let anyone else deal with the case instead. I feel embarrassed and ashamed this even happened at the police station I feel i'll never get justice for what I had to endure at the hotel. Please share your thoughts :)

It's just a little too much in my head right now. i tried to call my therapist, but no chance and I can't tell my friends as I can't stand any pity talks or awkward silences. Because noone knows what to say. I hear a constant "run run run run run" in my head, but I am so chained to my responsibilities. So here it goes out... at least out of my head. It's easier to tell it noone specific, I guess. I finally started to get myself back on track learn a new profession and slowly get out of the SAHM life after 13 years. My marriage is everything but easy. My husband loves and adores me but in a strange kind of way. Not like a partner and not even a slightest bit like a woman or a sexual partner. But we can talk like best friends as long as it's not about anything concerning his behaviour. His life never adjusted around being a parent. So we had clearing talks on opening our relationship and his only concerns are that he might lose me, as he needs me to operate this family and his life outside from his work. I always ran the kids like a single mom and honestly him being an additional child. My therapist said he never saw a partner in me always a replacement and better version of his mom, as I am not annoying and more obidient. So you might already guess having intercourse to have those kids was already no fun and and only done with purpose. And my feelings for him changed drastically after realizing all that. But I can't hurt anyone intentionally and so I am stuck. Rebuilding myself, should be the focus. So now that I am going to be in the outer world to learn something new. (and I love to learn) He starts worrying and suddenly makes me compliments of all kinds (which I learned to not believe over time, so wasted words and only confusing) and at the same time fueling my insecurities. Yesterday he started groping me like on "my private parts", which freaks me out. And has nothing sensual or sexual to it. It was so absurd, that I still don't know how to process. I immediatly go into a stiff self protecting posture my arms protecting my body, which shows I subconsciously don't want him to touch me like that. While an innocent hug or petting his head or back is okay. It is so clear that he only tries to keep me in check, securing his comfy homebase. And least to say, knowing all the stuff that is so wrong, I often lack a reason. Why change anything, when everyone is so happy. When I am the only one? Isn't it better that it is just me, who is struggling and those I love are happy and content? Enough sobbing now, there's work to do. Thanks for giving me space to leave those thoughts.

Back in 2022 I left home for good, was very happy about it, I'm sharing an apartment with two more people, last year when my ex moved out, this girl moved in his place.
She was bad news from day one, I have an elderly cat, she has an elderly dog, I asked her to please introduce the dog to my cat prior to moving in, she didn't even reply. The dog is thankfully chill enough, but my cat has been a lot less active ever since he moved in, every time her mother takes the dog for a few days my cat instantly goes back to her happy, active self.
She also leaves the dog alone for a lot of hours on end, she forbids the poor thing to go in her room, so he's always in the living room, hence why my cat avoids the largest room in the house. Just now, poor dog was scratching her door because it's past noon and he desperately needs to go outside and pee, she scolded him and went back to sleep, she does this every day. When she finally wakes up, she will take her sweet time having breakfast, choosing a fancy outfit so she can walk the dog for 15 short minutes. He's completely untrained and from what I saw at the dog park that's in front of our building, she practically forbids her dog from playing and socializing with other dogs. She barely pays attention to him at all.
This irks me more than usual because my mom also had dogs that she neglected and mistreated. Just like with my mom's situation, I'm forbidden to walk the dog myself and any sort of suggestion would escalate into an argument.
She has never once cleaned the house in the 10 months she's been living here, only her room, she also doesn't work, she had a part time job for two months I think, and quit because working 25 hours a week was "too much" according to her, I think she basically lives off her parents. All she does is sit in the couch all day, collecting dirty dishes she rarely washes.
The kitchen is perpetually dirty, there's never clean dishes, nor pots, pans or silverware, I always wash after myself, or at least I put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher, but neither she or the other roommate, who is the owner by the way, even bother loading the freaking dishwasher. I left for a business trip last Friday and came back yesterday to a garbage smelling house and they still didn't load the dishwasher.
The owner is also a slob, so they both act weird whenever I complain about how dirty everything is. But that's the extent of my problems with the other owner, otherwise she's very nice and we bonded a lot overtime.
The other girl also loves using my stuff without permission, it's such a frequent thing that I don't even bother trying anymore, I don't have space in my room for kitchenware and appliances because a lifetime of things is already cramming up my room. So I have to deal with a perpetually greasy airfryer that was a gift from friends and thus holds sentimental value to me. She broke several cups and glasses and refuses to buy me new ones. If I don't hide my stuff, she basically uses everything she sees without ever asking who owns it or if it's okay for her to use, most of the time it's not. I will 100% have to barge into her room and look for my property before moving out, because I'm certain I will find things I own in there.
She also takes up my bathroom counters and fridge space deliberately, the house is basically covered with her stuff and she complains whenever we leave something in the living room.
She's mean to my friends and makes it very clear that they're unwelcome here, I kind of refrained from inviting people home or we basically lock ourselves up in my room all the time they're here. She's also banged my bedroom wall while I was having intercourse, and no, we were not being even remotely loud, mainly rushed breath noises, not even moaning.
Friday I had no time to clean the airfryer so I left if with some chicken grease because, well, its mine and I am within my right to do so, right? Well not according to her. She texted me a picture of the dirty airfryer and told me it was unacceptable to leave it in that state. I was enraged, I told her I would clean it when I got back and told her not to touch it, she said she would "use a paper towel from time to time from now on". I can't make this sh*t up.
This last incident is largely what made me want to write this post. It made me realize how horrible this whole situation is for my mental health. I mean, I have to deal with a house full of dirty stuff and rotting food, but it's not acceptable for me to use my own airfryer and not clean it afterwards? Even when she never asked for permission to use it in the first place?
I am isolated in my room all day long, don't even want to cook anymore because everything takes extra 30 minutes to clean, I also lose my appetite every time I enter the kitchen. I've got some health issues related to poor nutrition because of all this. I am back to the same situation as when I was living with my abusive family, only then I could at least let some steam off because I could argue with my mother, it was also a beautiful countryside house that was clean and I loved my yard. Now I have nothing. I feel observed, judged and manipulated 24/7.
I am probably moving out in less than a month at best, a month and a half at worst, so there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Some of my younger friends still in college and I are going to move in together, we've discussed in length house rules and etc and it seems like we're all on board. I truly hope everything goes well, or at least that I'll have a short break from all this. At least I know my friends aren't manipulative like her.
I'm sorry for this incoherent vent, today I just broke down. I feel impotent and miserable.

I am neha ( 26 f ) , I am here to vent and get some suggestions or maybe even a real friend . This is a story of how I ruined my love life and destroyed the man who meant everything to me . We grew up in Coimbatore , i first met my boyfriend when I was in 11th grade , I actually saw him in a video , it was a Facebook video made by his friends , one of his friend proposed a girl , so they made a video of it , he was there in it too . He is tall , above 6ft , he looked ok , normal , a bit weird too with his specs and curl hair . He didn’t stand out , after few days I saw in a local chat place , he was with his friend , all sweaty , they came from gym . I recognised him immediately though. I saw him sneakily , idk why , after going home I sent him a request to his Insta . We started talking the same night , he said he saw me too , we connected way too fast , he was very funny and practical, we became best friends very soon , we almost spoke daily , in that following year we became so close, there wasn’t anything sexual , we just talk about our day and our lives daily , then he got into a relationship with a girl , I liked her too , life was so easy and fun back then , after we got into college , I Started to date a guy in my college , but we didn’t stop talking , nothing changed between us , after going to college we started getting drunk and smoking up , it was all new and we all did it almost everyday in first year , it was pretty fun . The guy I was with that time , didn’t really smoke up that much , he got drunk but he didn’t smoke pot that much , but the rest of us gathered everyday to smoke pot and play carrom . We both even meet at night to just smoke up and listen to music . At the end of the first year , one day he called me one evening and told me that he wanted to meet me , he sounded very low , I was with my my boyfriend and his friends that time but I left there immediately,booked an auto and Met him at a usual place near an IT park , we drink coffee and smoke cigarettes there usually.he was already there when I went in , he saw me and smiled but that looked very sad , he told me that his girlfriend kissed someone , a distant cousin of her actually , she kissed him in a moment and texted her girlfriend about it , she mentioned that she regrets it very much , I can’t stand it , I don’t know what to do , I feel nauseous, stuff like that . He showed the screenshots , he didn’t talk much he just smiled but that killed me . I was so angry on her , I didn’t even know what to do to make him feel better at that moment, I said she is not worth it , don’t worry , things like that . He didn’t talk about it after that , he changed the topic and he just sat there for 30-40 mins just smoking thinking about something. We speak almost daily and I know everything about him , he told me when they first had sex , we speak about everything, just not anything sexual to each other , when I saw him like this , I was feeling only rage , I was so angry on her , I don’t understand why she kissed some other guy , after getting into that relationship he was very loyal , I know how loyal he was , he even got a tattoo of her initials , but when he knew about this kiss , it made him so sad I guess . After 2 hours , we went home . I called her as soon as I went home , i scolded her so much , she started crying and told me that it was a mistake, she sounded very regretful too , she cried so much , I couldn’t bring myself to be mean after that .but that night i couldn’t sleep , my ex called me all night but I didn’t pick his call , I kept texting him , we used to text in Snapchat daily , I kept sending him texts and he texted me back to , he said he is going to get drunk and pass out , I also felt that’s better , after some days she even cut her hand , like scratches with knife on wrists , she was very regretful too , then somehow they didn’t break up , he wanted to after that but she didn’t let him , but gradually it got ok , but after this we started to speak and meet more frequently than before , I started to drop him in my college , both of our colleges are in same road , we started going in one vehicle daily. Mostly I drove , we speak all the time about nothing , even when we were going on my scooty , we just make fun of people in road , we laughed , had fun . One day he even pressed my breasts accidentally, side of my breast . I started neglecting my ex , that guy I dated that time , after few months , people started to notice , but still we didn’t care . (I actually come off from a well doing family , my family has enough money but my parents have a very unsuccessful marriage, they don’t even speak to each other , I have a younger sister and elder sister . My elder sister is married , my younger sister difference is 3 years . My parents doesn’t speak to each other , my mom openly says that they are together only for the kids . ) I loved being with him , he made me feel safe , comfortable and it’s always warm when I’m with him . We smoked pot all the time though , it was so fun , we even bunked college went to room and just smoked pot and watched anime all day . One day my ex boyfriend and his friends were in Ooty and they wanted me to come , I said I’ll come with him , I can’t come alone , and I asked him to come . We rolled some joints and started to go in his bike , we went a beautiful ride , stopped and smoked up in between, after we reached there I went with my ex boyfriend. We all smoked up that night got drunk , he usually doesn’t talk that much , but all of us were drunk and it was chill , some of my friends like him some don’t , but it’s all chill . We stayed in a tent stay there , that night I was with my ex , he wanted to make out , we kissed and did some stuff but I just felt restless and distracted, I kept thinking about him and my ex was a drunk too , it didn’t turn me on , after some time he passed out . I went out and went to his tent to see him if he is asleep , but he wasn’t there , then I started to look for him and I found him near the fire place , he was smoking up there alone with a phone in his hand , he was just singing this song 7 years by Lucas I think , he was singing along with a joint in his hand , he saw me coming , smiled but he didn’t stop singing, I can see him feeling even little embarrassed, but he looked so happy and free . I sat down there started to smoke up with him . After sometime I asked him why haven’t even kissed even once , I just asked him in a fun way but he got all serious all of a sudden , he saw me straight in the eyes and told me that he would love to kiss me , I literally felt butterflies in my lower tummy , my hips felt all tight too , idk , I still remember everything though . I kissed him in an instant, I kinda rushed in and kissed him, it felt magical . We kissed for a long time , we just kissed , nothing else . But I loved it , after sometime we separated, he saw me smiled and said I tasted sweet and bitter with weed taste . But my heart was beating so fast that time , I wanted to make out with him right there , I’ve felt horny before but he was the only guy made me feel like this , I tried to kiss him again but he stopped me and told me im drunk and asked me to go sleep . Next morning they asked me to go with them but my mind was fully on that kiss , I came back to cbe in his bike , we didn’t talk anything for the first time I just hugged him on the way back , it was nice too . I thought about plans to break up with my ex , after he dropped me home I kept thinking about the kiss , things got normal after a few days , we were like before but we started to flirt a bit , I started to call him baby and it gradually became very intimate . One day in a movie I kissed him again and he kissed me back too , we started making out bit by bit , it developed into a place where he started to grope me while im driving , I enjoyed every bit of that , I broke up with that guy I was with but he was still with that girl . Around final year first semester end they broke up too . We had intercourse the next day , it was amazing , I loved everything about him and the best thing is he is my best friend too . We rented a place for us by college end , we had sex every single day , it was the best , I loved staying with him . After this there was covid and we had to stay in our place , for one whole year I lived with him happily, he never let me down even once , he was already very caring from beginning but after we got committed , he really did treated me like a princess . He didn’t speak much but his actions were most considerate , we both worked remotely and having the time of our life , two years went by , I was happy and fullfilled , at the end of third year he quit his job and tried to get a different better job with extra good pay , 3 months passed by , one day few friends of mine from my work visited our place , they told me about opportunity to work in chennai for a month , I took it and went to chennai for a month , he dropped me to bus and sent me off to chennai . We spoke daily but not that much , I went out with my friends daily got drunk , just having fun . Some of my friends think my boyfriend is beneath me , one even said that I deserve better , she said he didn’t even get a job in three months joked and asked me whether I am the one who’s paying rent , actually he never asked me rent or money , he always paid for everything , but that time when they were joking I didn’t defend him , I still couldn’t believe that I didn’t say anything . In that week I met a guy , he came with my friends , he flirted with me when I was there , after I went back to PG I got a text from this guy , he got my number from my friends it seems . After some texts I responded and we started texting ,i liked the attention I think idk , I was talking to my boyfriend daily too , but somehow he noticed that I am not ok , he asked me about it and I said it was work issue and I am tired , 3^rd weekend I met that guy alone , he wanted to have a drink and I went , I slept with him that night , to be honest the sex wasn’t good , when he got inside me I felt darkness , I swear . Idk why I did it , after sex that guy slept in a second , I saw him lying down and I felt like killing myself , I left to my pg in midnight , I booked a cab and went back . I saw my snap notifications from him but I couldn’t open it , I blocked that guy’s number , I went to pg , cried myself to sleep . Next morning I spoke to my boyfriend , told him that I got cold and resting today , he told me that he got a job as a business manager for a US IT firm , he sounded so happy and told me that he called yesterday night to tell me this . I was crying so hard when he was on the phone , at that moment I swear I even fogot the face of that I slept with , he asked me to get rest and I hung up . I couldn’t talk to him , I felt so guilty and ashamed , as I was thinking this I get a notification my swiggy that he placed order to my pg , he bought soup . I broke down , it was like everything is telling me how big mistake I made , suddenly my thought went to that day he told me about his ex’s kiss , I can see that sad smile . I decided not to tell him and love him more and more , he had his birthday in 15 days I wanted to do something for him . When I came back from chennai , he picked me , he was so happy to see me , he spoke about his new job to me on the way , he was like a child , maybe cause he missed me for a month , I can see that he is so happy like silly child just to see me , after going home I had sex with him , I even rimmed him and I kinda liked it , it was the best sex we had , I felt alive and also very guilty . I treated him better and better to ease my guilt , but this made him very happy , I arranged a small party with my sister ,his friends and my mom .the day before his birthday we got drunk he asked me why I am not being adamant like before , ‘enna kadhal ha ‘ (joking sayin I am so in love) he joked about how afetr five years we can get super rich and start a family , I melted hearing all this .i promised myself that I will never let him down . but ha ha This is why I think karma is a bitch , at the noon of his birthday I got a text from that guy saying that he is thinking about that night . He heard the notification took the phone to pass it to me , he just saw the phone simply , just a glance and he just stopped and opened the text , I was blowing up balloons opposite of him , I saw his face and my heart sank , he came closer and gave me the phone , he didn’t speak anything , I opened my phone in a panic , saw the text and I saw him , he asked me ‘ so you slept with some guy ? ‘ , I didn’t reply , my whole mind got blank , I felt like I was gonna faint , he just saw me and said why . Of all these years I knew him I never saw him cry , but now his voice was shaking , he just asked me ‘ yen ‘ (why in tamil) . I saw tears on his eyes , I can see his eyes becoming lifeless in a matter of minutes , I tried to hug him but he just moved away , no matter how much we fight , when I hug him , he gets all cute and lovely , but he just moved away in an instinct . He then came forward hugged me tightly , he said ‘ sorry ‘ . I still don’t know why he said sorry , but that sounded so weak to me , he is my everything and I hurt him , I know everything about him and I still fucked up . He hugged me for some more time , I knew this warmth might be the last thing . After few mins , he rubbed his eyes in my dress , saw me smiled the same way . But it felt more like he is laughing at himself , I watched my 6 ft man walking out of the room , I just stood there alone , and I felt very cold , I remember that cold everyday , evening people came for the party and he got ready and cut the cake , fed me the first piece , my mom and sister was there too , he behaved very good , spoke with my family , but I can see that he is broke , but he still made it through the night , I went to speak with him that night , but he said he can’t . he said ‘ please I can’t ‘ . I choked hearing his voice , he went to terrace , I didn’t sleep at all that night , I walked around our little one bhk apartment , I smoked two packs of cigs that night , I went to check on him in the terrace by 4 , he was sleeping there on the floor , he hugs himself in sleep and its so cold , I cried watching him , just one day ago he was being silly like a kid talking about future family , now he is there alone , heartbroken . Morning usually he makes coffee and rolls one , I made coffee and rolled one , waited for him to come down . He came down saw me and smiled , but its not the cheerful smile , it just hurt so bad watching him like that , he drank the coffee , smoked up with me , even told me its good. Then he got ready , I cooked but he said he can’t eat , he is not hungry , that morning was so silent , he cheers up with he sees me , he was my biggest fan , now he left home with just saying bye . I got a text from him that aftrn asking me to move back to my mom’s if possible , I was dead . I couldn’t say no , I hurt him , he didn’t even scold me , he even requested me , I can only say yes . I asked him that I want to stay one more night , he said ok like always . That night I asked him to cuddle with me , he said ok , he wanted that too it seems , we just hugged in silent , he slept off quickly , he always told me that when I sleep with him it makes him stressfree and he gets a good night sleep . He was asleep on my breasts , I saw him sleeping and I couldn’t stop my tears , realising that this is the last time , I made a stupid mistake , but everything felt unimportant now , I saw him sleeping and I kissed him on his cheek , must have whispered sorry a 100 times , our four years relationship came through my mind , I realize that he made sure I was happy in every way he knew , I proposed him , I made him fall for me , now I broke his heart . I didb’t sleep that night too , morning I dozed off , when I woke up he wasn’t there, he made juice for me and left for work . I packed some of my stuff and went to my mom’s . when I stepped out of our little home , I broke down and cried . I went home and cried , I told my mom we fought , but my sister knew something was up , she tried to ask him but he said it was a small fight , I confessed to her that night , I still remember seeing her confused look , she is a gen z kid , but even she gave me a look of confusion , she didn’t understand how I could do that , she liked my boyfriend very much , she was almost proud of him . But when she knew I cheated on him , she felt disgusted I think . Our sister bind kind of broke too that night . My life was dull , I missed him every second , I missed talking to him , I missed his smell , everything . I just focused on work , two months went by with no contact . I saw him near IT park at our spot one day, he looked like he was sick , he lost weight , his eyes are dry , he looked so pale . I saw him from a distance and I couldn’t believe my eyes , my baby looked so weak and sick , he was having a coffe and smoking a cig alone at the place we used to sit . My eyes teared up watching him , he looked so lonely . None of my friends knew we broke up because I cheated , he specifically asked me not to say anything to anyone . I didn’t speak to him that day , I couldn’t . I was full with guilt . After going home I called his friends and asked how he was and they said that they lost all contact with him and he is ghosting everybody . I broke him and also made him alone , I seriously considered killing myself but I was a coward . After a month , when I was in office , my mom got a diabities issue and fainted , my sister called him in a hurry , he came immediatiely and admitted mom in hospital , when I came there I saw him with a plastic cover with insulins for my mom . After my elder siter came , he left , he asked me to call with updates . Before leaving he asked me why I cheated , he said “ is it because I am not satisfying you “ or “ you wanted a emotial support “. when he said that , I just stood there , I can see his face , hiding a humiliation , I never had a sex issue with him , I loved being with him , but my baby asked me this , I felt ashamed . I couldn’t face him , I just stood there , he said never mind and left . I stood there seeing him leave ,but I didn’t give up , I started texting and snapping so much and somehow I made him talk to me normally , but his eyes has lost its color, he looks like he is tired of everything . After few days we both got drunk and alone , I kissed him as soon as I got the chance , he kissed me back too , usually when he kisses , he hold me ears , looks me in the eyes and kiss me , he did the same out of the habit , as soon as our eyes locked , he bursted out in tears , I truly felt how much this man loved me and how much I hurt him , he wanted to do more but he stopped himself , when he burst into tears, my heart completely broke , I hate myself so much , I hate my friends for fucking up my mind , I hate that guy . My man is gettting punished for giving everything to me , its been a year , he changed , he looks lean , unhealthy , I even think his hair is falling , almost like a zombie . I would glady kill myself for him , I just want him to be happy , I destroyed the only person I love , I see how devastating this can get for him, he looks so weak , I can’r accept it . I should’ve defended him when they joked about him . Its all my fault , its been a year and I still can;t go back to him , I can’t imagine another guy to raise my kids , I want him . Help me .

• 33F, 166 cm, 73kg
• ADHD, situational depression in the past, ectopic pregnancy in early March 2024 (methotrexate successful), miscarriage at 6-7 weeks in September 2023.
• vyvanse and bupropion - same doses for more than a decade
• no allergies
• never smoked, maybe 1 alcoholic drink every few months, no drugs
• family - chron’s in my mom, drug-related sarcoidosis in my dad, recurrent vasculitis NYD in my sister (first was like HSP and second was retinal). No family members with any cancers (touch wood).

I have been getting night sweats (have to wipe down or put down a towel) off and on for years. Just started to notice it happens within a few days of my period starting. From what I understand, this can sometimes be a sign of ovarian failure/ early menopause. How worried should I be? Should I try to see a doctor about this? I first started to worry about ovarian insufficiency after my first miscarriage when my ovary volumes were reported as being in the menopausal range (~1.2 mL each). My partner and I were told to avoid pregnancy again until 3 months after methotrexate, so we have been careful (combo of strict condom use and generally not having intercourse much).
Tests - had thyroid, blood counts, blood sugar, iron, kidney, and liver testing because of the miscarriage. MyChart says these were all normal except for my liver markers after I got the methotrexate. I think my ALT was in the 140s a few weeks ago and was still slowly going up. The Ob Gyn said that if it was from the methotrexate it should be back to normal, so she referred me to a GI doctor. I’m in Canada so I’m not sure how long the wait might be to see them.
Other symptoms that probably aren’t related?: - low abdominal discomfort off an on. It’s really mild but doesn’t feel great having anything push on me, like if my partner puts his arm around me when we spoon. - bloating. Sometimes it feels like my bladder is over full (sometimes forget to pee with the ADHD; this is the kind of low abdominal discomfort, too), but when I go pee it doesn’t make that ‘over full’ bloating/ discomfort go away. - vaginal dryness? I have never been able to go without lube. Not since my first time at 18. I never thought much of this because it’s ’always’ been that way for me. - maybe some mild hair loss/ thinning at my temples and crown? My family says this is my imagination, though. No family members with hair loss. - acne is bad before my periods. Definitely getting that hormonal acne. Using tretinoin and winlevi but not sure if it is helping much. - I have gained a lot of weight over the last year. Sometimes feel like my hands/ feet are puffy. Started wearing compression stockings this year. - nosediving exercise tolerance. I can’t go for a walk on flat ground and talk in the phone anymore without getting breathless. The way I talk now is more huff-puff-y than when I used to call my folks while I was out for jogs.
Thanks in advance. I’m spooked about the fertility thing since we started ‘trying’ before I turned 33 and the two conceptions we had ended in sadness for us.

This summer he turns 29 and it's our 1 year anniversary. At first we both were dating around, but he was my main guy, and if any of them had said hey choose me instead of her, he would have totally picked them. I just think certain things got in the way and I came with certain perks.
I spoke with one of the girls who said she had no idea he was pursuing us both. When she confronted him he asked her to still work things out, but she said that she could tell I was in love and how he should be with me, the one who actually cares. She's a pre-k teacher, part-time model, way out of his league, and I had just happened to agree to hang out with him before she did. He thought she wasn't interested but she was taking things slow. I had several phone calls with her, but my bf denies everything, saying he told her how I was the one he wanted. Did this just all work out in my favor, she rejected him so I could have him and we are meant to be, or did he settle because he didn't get the girls he really wanted?
Another girl is a bar manager and he'd go see her every day mostly with co workers. Says he didn't like her like that, but just wanted to play pool and drink for free. She'd give drinks to everyone. He had lost his ID so he says it was also the only bar he could get into, knowing the bouncers, taking them food from his job. It was a 3 min walk from work. She's a very attractive woman, totally his type, lots in common and basically the female/male version of each other. Always flaunting her boobs, very charming and genuine for the most part. She was actually dating one of his friends, my bf introduced them, but the friend was way younger and hesitant to make things official how she wanted. Apparently he was hesitant since she still lived with her ex, was flirty and would let ppl motorboat her boobs sometimes. It seemed every guy was obsessed with her, and that this could also be a reason his friend was turned off. Another guy in the group tried to do things while she was passed out drunk. My bf caught him apparently one night they were all drinking before anything could happen. When she'd argue with the friend she was dating, she'd run to my bf or he'd go comfort her. He'd bring her up constantly. Saying he was at the bar talking cheering her up bc she seemed sad while working etc. If I was doing this to another more attractive guy, and always checking him out when we're all together, always smiling/laughing with him, my bf would be totally jealous and think I'd prefer him or at least want to screw him, right?
Sometimes he admits to once having a crush, other times he denies everything including comforting her and stuff. Straight gaslighting. The night he cut her off we had a huge fight bc she had been ignoring me for weeks but messaged him to hang out. Not sure if she was just salty bc I had been ignoring her for a while too, and the friend had just dumped her, but I explained how I was overwhelmed starting a new job/relationship, moving into our new place. She just stopped reaching out until that night. I begged for him to admit his crush but instead he messaged her apologizing for my being jealous, that they could no longer be friends, rather than having my back. If things were reversed, my bf would never be okay with me having a male friend like that, so why couldn't he have just said this? Have I been in the wrong all along? He was basically kissing her butt while cutting her off, even told her he loved her (apparently as a friend). I never got over it. He put her and her feelings above mine and I thought this proved he preferred her. It's like im his lame insecure second or third option and other mom helping get his shit together, while she's the fun cool chill hot homegirl. At the same time, he was very ignorant and a raging alcoholic. Going to visit her while leaving his pets at home starving and alone sitting in their feces for hours.
At this time I got a job offer including a 3bed 2bath apartment. His car was stolen and his lease was up. Nowhere to go with all his pets so I felt bad and invited him to move an hour away with me. Before I got the job offer, he had wanted to move in together, so idk if he was using me. It was still the first month of us dating, but the ex he was with for 5 years moved in right away as well, so I guess this is his norm idk. If there was no apartment or car, would we still be together, or did he use me and settle for me? My parents are well off and often help us financially or buy us random furniture/appliances so not sure if he's just happy with all these perks, a babysitter for his pets, someone for regular intercourse, etc.
He's been alcohol-free for 6 months. Got a promotion at work. We just got approved to rent a house, but we argue every day and our spirits seem to be kinda broken. Also just had a miscarriage so everything combined, him getting sober all alone, we've both been depressed and I often say I hate him. I tell him breaking up is whats healthiest but he refuses saying we can make it.
When drunk he'd get flirtatious with women or our arguments would get super bad so that's why he got sober. He says this is another reason it would have not worked out with that bartender and why he didn't see her that way. That he understands how it looks, and he did like her over 10 years ago when they first met/worked together, but now she was just a friend. These are just words and though he'd always offer to cut her off and finally did, it felt forced, and his behavior really was obsessive. I feel he would have been way happier with her. Though he pays for all the bills now, cleans/cooks a lot, stopped drinking, cuts off any woman I feel uncomfortable about, is an open book, I still have so much resentment and feel he only chose me bc he had nowhere to live and no car for work. I feel like an old pathetic ugly cougar. He also wants to get married now and is always asking me to look at rings but is he just settling?

Hey guys, it's been three days since my brother's call. And two days my dad's call. He was keep texting me and wanted to talk. So, i called him. We started normally. He asked how my presentation went. Then we started to talk about our main subject.
Basically, there was two big concern of his. First one is how he will tell this to other people about this. I know. Ridiculous. Second one is.. me having intercourse with my boyfriend.
It was humiliating.
He keeps giving me trauma after trauma but I'm the one upsetting him. I'm the guilty one. All this happening because I'm doing wrong. Did I lose my mind? Is what they think of me.
After that talk he kept texting me till yesterday. When I woke up this morning there was a huge weight on my chest. I was about to lose my mind. Thankfully my boyfriend knows me so well and he knows how to calm me down. Thanks to him I started to think straight again.
I called my mom. She is the only one who still talks to normally to me. She explained they can't come over, but we need to talk face to face.
Even though I don't want to go I think this is my last chance to not lose them.
I'm not going home and I'm not going alone. My friends will be coming with me and we will be meeting with my parents in a cafe. Well, they didn't agree on the cafe part yet but that's my condition.
My boyfriend didn't like this at all. I feel bad after I promised him to I won’t go but this is necessary for me. I won't go to Istanbul with good hopes. It can be end up me being permanently disowned.
What bothers me the most is that my father uses this "disapproval" threat as if it were a simple thing.
I've never smoked in my life. I didn't drink. I never went against my family. I say these not because they are wrong, but to explain what an easy child I was growing up. People do not give up on their children no matter what. This is what should happen. Parental love should be unconditional. I can't understand how he can treat a daughter like me this way.
I know everyone will find it unreasonable for me to meet them. If I had been raised without love, it wouldn't have been difficult to cut ties with them. But right now, it's very hard for me to give up on everything. In fact, I felt a little relieved that my father wanted to talk to me.
I will update you guys after sunday. I hope no matter what happens I can find peace in it.

I am 32F, he is 28M. This summer he turns 29 and it's our 1 year anniversary. At first we both were dating around, but he was my main guy, and if any of them had said hey choose me instead of her, he would have totally picked them. I just think certain things got in the way and I came with certain perks.
I spoke with one of the girls who said she had no idea he was pursuing us both. When she confronted him he asked her to still work things out, but she said that she could tell I was in love and how he should be with me, the one who actually cares. She's a pre-k teacher, part-time model, way out of his league, and I had just happened to agree to hang out with him before she did. He thought she wasn't interested but she was taking things slow. I had several phone calls with her, but my bf denies everything, saying he told her how I was the one he wanted. Did this just all work out in my favor, she rejected him so I could have him and we are meant to be, or did he settle because he didn't get the girls he really wanted?
Another girl is a bar manager and he'd go see her every day mostly with co workers. Says he didn't like her like that, but just wanted to play pool and drink for free. She'd give drinks to everyone. He had lost his ID so he says it was also the only bar he could get into, knowing the bouncers, taking them food from his job. It was a 3 min walk from work. She's a very attractive woman, totally his type, lots in common and basically the female/male version of each other. Always flaunting her boobs, very charming and genuine for the most part. She was actually dating one of his friends, my bf introduced them, but the friend was way younger and hesitant to make things official how she wanted. Apparently he was hesitant since she still lived with her ex, was flirty and would let ppl motorboat her boobs sometimes. It seemed every guy was obsessed with her, and that this could also be a reason his friend was turned off. Another guy in the group tried to do things while she was passed out drunk. My bf caught him apparently one night they were all drinking before anything could happen. When she'd argue with the friend she was dating, she'd run to my bf or he'd go comfort her. He'd bring her up constantly. Saying he was at the bar talking cheering her up bc she seemed sad while working etc. If I was doing this to another more attractive guy, and always checking him out when we're all together, always smiling/laughing with him, my bf would be totally jealous and think I'd prefer him or at least want to screw him, right?
Sometimes he admits to once having a crush, other times he denies everything including comforting her and stuff. Straight gaslighting. The night he cut her off we had a huge fight bc she had been ignoring me for weeks but messaged him to hang out. Not sure if she was just salty bc I had been ignoring her for a while too, and the friend had just dumped her, but I explained how I was overwhelmed starting a new job/relationship, moving into our new place. She just stopped reaching out until that night. I begged for him to admit his crush but instead he messaged her apologizing for my being jealous, that they could no longer be friends, rather than having my back. If things were reversed, my bf would never be okay with me having a male friend like that, so why couldn't he have just said this? Have I been in the wrong all along? He was basically kissing her butt while cutting her off, even told her he loved her (apparently as a friend). I never got over it. He put her and her feelings above mine and I thought this proved he preferred her. It's like im his lame insecure second or third option and other mom helping get his shit together, while she's the fun cool chill hot homegirl. At the same time, he was very ignorant and a raging alcoholic. Going to visit her while leaving his pets at home starving and alone sitting in their feces for hours.
At this time I got a job offer including a 3bed 2bath apartment. His car was stolen and his lease was up. Nowhere to go with all his pets so I felt bad and invited him to move an hour away with me. Before I got the job offer, he had wanted to move in together, so idk if he was using me. It was still the first month of us dating, but the ex he was with for 5 years moved in right away as well, so I guess this is his norm idk. If there was no apartment or car, would we still be together, or did he use me and settle for me? My parents are well off and often help us financially or buy us random furniture/appliances so not sure if he's just happy with all these perks, a babysitter for his pets, someone for regular intercourse, etc.
He's been alcohol-free for 6 months. Got a promotion at work. We just got approved to rent a house, but we argue every day and our spirits seem to be kinda broken. Also just had a miscarriage so everything combined, him getting sober all alone, we've both been depressed and I often say I hate him. I tell him breaking up is whats healthiest but he refuses saying we can make it.
When drunk he'd get flirtatious with women or our arguments would get super bad so that's why he got sober. He says this is another reason it would have not worked out with that bartender and why he didn't see her that way. That he understands how it looks, and he did like her over 10 years ago when they first met/worked together, but now she was just a friend. These are just words and though he'd always offer to cut her off and finally did, it felt forced, and his behavior really was obsessive. I feel he would have been way happier with her. Though he pays for all the bills now, cleans/cooks a lot, stopped drinking, cuts off any woman I feel uncomfortable about, is an open book, I still have so much resentment and feel he only chose me bc he had nowhere to live and no car for work. I feel like an old pathetic ugly cougar. He also wants to get married now and is always asking me to look at rings but is he just settling?

I am 32F, he is 28M. This summer he turns 29 and it's our 1 year anniversary. At first we both were dating around, but he was my main guy, and if any of them had said hey choose me instead of her, he would have totally picked them. I just think certain things got in the way and I came with certain perks.
I spoke with one of the girls who said she had no idea he was pursuing us both. When she confronted him he asked her to still work things out, but she said that she could tell I was in love and how he should be with me, the one who actually cares. She's a pre-k teacher, part-time model, way out of his league, and I had just happened to agree to hang out with him before she did. He thought she wasn't interested but she was taking things slow. I had several phone calls with her, but my bf denies everything, saying he told her how I was the one he wanted. Did this just all work out in my favor, she rejected him so I could have him and we are meant to be, or did he settle because he didn't get the girls he really wanted?
Another girl is a bar manager and he'd go see her every day mostly with co workers. Says he didn't like her like that, but just wanted to play pool and drink for free. She'd give drinks to everyone. He had lost his ID so he says it was also the only bar he could get into, knowing the bouncers, taking them food from his job. It was a 3 min walk from work. She's a very attractive woman, totally his type, lots in common and basically the female/male version of each other. Always flaunting her boobs, very charming and genuine for the most part. She was actually dating one of his friends, my bf introduced them, but the friend was way younger and hesitant to make things official how she wanted. Apparently he was hesitant since she still lived with her ex, was flirty and would let ppl motorboat her boobs sometimes. It seemed every guy was obsessed with her, and that this could also be a reason his friend was turned off. Another guy in the group tried to do things while she was passed out drunk. My bf caught him apparently one night they were all drinking before anything could happen. When she'd argue with the friend she was dating, she'd run to my bf or he'd go comfort her. He'd bring her up constantly. Saying he was at the bar talking cheering her up bc she seemed sad while working etc. If I was doing this to another more attractive guy, and always checking him out when we're all together, always smiling/laughing with him, my bf would be totally jealous and think I'd prefer him or at least want to screw him, right?
Sometimes he admits to once having a crush, other times he denies everything including comforting her and stuff. Straight gaslighting. The night he cut her off we had a huge fight bc she had been ignoring me for weeks but messaged him to hang out. Not sure if she was just salty bc I had been ignoring her for a while too, and the friend had just dumped her, but I explained how I was overwhelmed starting a new job/relationship, moving into our new place. She just stopped reaching out until that night. I begged for him to admit his crush but instead he messaged her apologizing for my being jealous, that they could no longer be friends, rather than having my back. If things were reversed, my bf would never be okay with me having a male friend like that, so why couldn't he have just said this? Have I been in the wrong all along? He was basically kissing her butt while cutting her off, even told her he loved her (apparently as a friend). I never got over it. He put her and her feelings above mine and I thought this proved he preferred her. It's like im his lame insecure second or third option and other mom helping get his shit together, while she's the fun cool chill hot homegirl. At the same time, he was very ignorant and a raging alcoholic. Going to visit her while leaving his pets at home starving and alone sitting in their feces for hours.
At this time I got a job offer including a 3bed 2bath apartment. His car was stolen and his lease was up. Nowhere to go with all his pets so I felt bad and invited him to move an hour away with me. Before I got the job offer, he had wanted to move in together, so idk if he was using me. It was still the first month of us dating, but the ex he was with for 5 years moved in right away as well, so I guess this is his norm idk. If there was no apartment or car, would we still be together, or did he use me and settle for me? My parents are well off and often help us financially or buy us random furniture/appliances so not sure if he's just happy with all these perks, a babysitter for his pets, someone for regular intercourse, etc.
He's been alcohol-free for 6 months. Got a promotion at work. We just got approved to rent a house, but we argue every day and our spirits seem to be kinda broken. Also just had a miscarriage so everything combined, him getting sober all alone, we've both been depressed and I often say I hate him. I tell him breaking up is whats healthiest but he refuses saying we can make it.
When drunk he'd get flirtatious with women or our arguments would get super bad so that's why he got sober. He says this is another reason it would have not worked out with that bartender and why he didn't see her that way. That he understands how it looks, and he did like her over 10 years ago when they first met/worked together, but now she was just a friend. These are just words and though he'd always offer to cut her off and finally did, it felt forced, and his behavior really was obsessive. I feel he would have been way happier with her. Though he pays for all the bills now, cleans/cooks a lot, stopped drinking, cuts off any woman I feel uncomfortable about, is an open book, I still have so much resentment and feel he only chose me bc he had nowhere to live and no car for work. I feel like an old pathetic ugly cougar. He also wants to get married now and is always asking me to look at rings but is he just settling?

This summer he turns 29 and it's our 1 year anniversary. At first we both were dating around, but he was my main guy, and if any of them had said hey choose me instead of her, he would have totally picked them. I just think certain things got in the way and I came with certain perks.
I spoke with one of the girls who said she had no idea he was pursuing us both. When she confronted him he asked her to still work things out, but she said that she could tell I was in love and how he should be with me, the one who actually cares. She's a pre-k teacher, part-time model, way out of his league, and I had just happened to agree to hang out with him before she did. He thought she wasn't interested but she was taking things slow. I had several phone calls with her, but my bf denies everything, saying he told her how I was the one he wanted. Did this just all work out in my favor, she rejected him so I could have him and we are meant to be, or did he settle because he didn't get the girls he really wanted?
Another girl is a bar manager and he'd go see her every day mostly with co workers. Says he didn't like her like that, but just wanted to play pool and drink for free. She'd give drinks to everyone. He had lost his ID so he says it was also the only bar he could get into, knowing the bouncers, taking them food from his job. It was a 3 min walk from work. She's a very attractive woman, totally his type, lots in common and basically the female/male version of each other. Always flaunting her boobs, very charming and genuine for the most part. She was actually dating one of his friends, my bf introduced them, but the friend was way younger and hesitant to make things official how she wanted. Apparently he was hesitant since she still lived with her ex, was flirty and would let ppl motorboat her boobs sometimes. It seemed every guy was obsessed with her, and that this could also be a reason his friend was turned off. Another guy in the group tried to do things while she was passed out drunk. My bf caught him apparently one night they were all drinking before anything could happen. When she'd argue with the friend she was dating, she'd run to my bf or he'd go comfort her. He'd bring her up constantly. Saying he was at the bar talking cheering her up bc she seemed sad while working etc. If I was doing this to another more attractive guy, and always checking him out when we're all together, always smiling/laughing with him, my bf would be totally jealous and think I'd prefer him or at least want to screw him, right?
Sometimes he admits to once having a crush, other times he denies everything including comforting her and stuff. Straight gaslighting. The night he cut her off we had a huge fight bc she had been ignoring me for weeks but messaged him to hang out. Not sure if she was just salty bc I had been ignoring her for a while too, and the friend had just dumped her, but I explained how I was overwhelmed starting a new job/relationship, moving into our new place. She just stopped reaching out until that night. I begged for him to admit his crush but instead he messaged her apologizing for my being jealous, that they could no longer be friends, rather than having my back. If things were reversed, my bf would never be okay with me having a male friend like that, so why couldn't he have just said this? Have I been in the wrong all along? He was basically kissing her butt while cutting her off, even told her he loved her (apparently as a friend). I never got over it. He put her and her feelings above mine and I thought this proved he preferred her. It's like im his lame insecure second or third option and other mom helping get his shit together, while she's the fun cool chill hot homegirl. At the same time, he was very ignorant and a raging alcoholic. Going to visit her while leaving his pets at home starving and alone sitting in their feces for hours.
At this time I got a job offer including a 3bed 2bath apartment. His car was stolen and his lease was up. Nowhere to go with all his pets so I felt bad and invited him to move an hour away with me. Before I got the job offer, he had wanted to move in together, so idk if he was using me. It was still the first month of us dating, but the ex he was with for 5 years moved in right away as well, so I guess this is his norm idk. If there was no apartment or car, would we still be together, or did he use me and settle for me? My parents are well off and often help us financially or buy us random furniture/appliances so not sure if he's just happy with all these perks, a babysitter for his pets, someone for regular intercourse, etc.
He's been alcohol-free for 6 months. Got a promotion at work. We just got approved to rent a house, but we argue every day and our spirits seem to be kinda broken. Also just had a miscarriage so everything combined, him getting sober all alone, we've both been depressed and I often say I hate him. I tell him breaking up is whats healthiest but he refuses saying we can make it.
When drunk he'd get flirtatious with women or our arguments would get super bad so that's why he got sober. He says this is another reason it would have not worked out with that bartender and why he didn't see her that way. That he understands how it looks, and he did like her over 10 years ago when they first met/worked together, but now she was just a friend. These are just words and though he'd always offer to cut her off and finally did, it felt forced, and his behavior really was obsessive. I feel he would have been way happier with her. Though he pays for all the bills now, cleans/cooks a lot, stopped drinking, cuts off any woman I feel uncomfortable about, is an open book, I still have so much resentment and feel he only chose me bc he had nowhere to live and no car for work. I feel like an old pathetic ugly cougar. He also wants to get married now and is always asking me to look at rings but is he just settling?

This summer he turns 29 and it's our 1 year anniversary. At first we both were dating around, but he was my main guy, and if any of them had said hey choose me instead of her, he would have totally picked them. I just think certain things got in the way and I came with certain perks.
I spoke with one of the girls who said she had no idea he was pursuing us both. When she confronted him he asked her to still work things out, but she said that she could tell I was in love and how he should be with me, the one who actually cares. She's a pre-k teacher, part-time model, way out of his league, and I had just happened to agree to hang out with him before she did. He thought she wasn't interested but she was taking things slow. I had several phone calls with her, but my bf denies everything, saying he told her how I was the one he wanted. Did this just all work out in my favor, she rejected him so I could have him and we are meant to be, or did he settle because he didn't get the girls he really wanted?
Another girl is a bar manager and he'd go see her every day mostly with co workers. Says he didn't like her like that, but just wanted to play pool and drink for free. She'd give drinks to everyone. He had lost his ID so he says it was also the only bar he could get into, knowing the bouncers, taking them food from his job. It was a 3 min walk from work. She's a very attractive woman, totally his type, lots in common and basically the female/male version of each other. Always flaunting her boobs, very charming and genuine for the most part. She was actually dating one of his friends, my bf introduced them, but the friend was way younger and hesitant to make things official how she wanted. Apparently he was hesitant since she still lived with her ex, was flirty and would let ppl motorboat her boobs sometimes. It seemed every guy was obsessed with her, and that this could also be a reason his friend was turned off. Another guy in the group tried to do things while she was passed out drunk. My bf caught him apparently one night they were all drinking before anything could happen. When she'd argue with the friend she was dating, she'd run to my bf or he'd go comfort her. He'd bring her up constantly. Saying he was at the bar talking cheering her up bc she seemed sad while working etc. If I was doing this to another more attractive guy, and always checking him out when we're all together, always smiling/laughing with him, my bf would be totally jealous and think I'd prefer him or at least want to screw him, right?
Sometimes he admits to once having a crush, other times he denies everything including comforting her and stuff. Straight gaslighting. The night he cut her off we had a huge fight bc she had been ignoring me for weeks but messaged him to hang out. Not sure if she was just salty bc I had been ignoring her for a while too, and the friend had just dumped her, but I explained how I was overwhelmed starting a new job/relationship, moving into our new place. She just stopped reaching out until that night. I begged for him to admit his crush but instead he messaged her apologizing for my being jealous, that they could no longer be friends, rather than having my back. If things were reversed, my bf would never be okay with me having a male friend like that, so why couldn't he have just said this? Have I been in the wrong all along? He was basically kissing her butt while cutting her off, even told her he loved her (apparently as a friend). I never got over it. He put her and her feelings above mine and I thought this proved he preferred her. It's like im his lame insecure second or third option and other mom helping get his shit together, while she's the fun cool chill hot homegirl. At the same time, he was very ignorant and a raging alcoholic. Going to visit her while leaving his pets at home starving and alone sitting in their feces for hours.
At this time I got a job offer including a 3bed 2bath apartment. His car was stolen and his lease was up. Nowhere to go with all his pets so I felt bad and invited him to move an hour away with me. Before I got the job offer, he had wanted to move in together, so idk if he was using me. It was still the first month of us dating, but the ex he was with for 5 years moved in right away as well, so I guess this is his norm idk. If there was no apartment or car, would we still be together, or did he use me and settle for me? My parents are well off and often help us financially or buy us random furniture/appliances so not sure if he's just happy with all these perks, a babysitter for his pets, someone for regular intercourse, etc.
He's been alcohol-free for 6 months. Got a promotion at work. We just got approved to rent a house, but we argue every day and our spirits seem to be kinda broken. Also just had a miscarriage so everything combined, him getting sober all alone, we've both been depressed and I often say I hate him. I tell him breaking up is whats healthiest but he refuses saying we can make it.
When drunk he'd get flirtatious with women or our arguments would get super bad so that's why he got sober. He says this is another reason it would have not worked out with that bartender and why he didn't see her that way. That he understands how it looks, and he did like her over 10 years ago when they first met/worked together, but now she was just a friend. These are just words and though he'd always offer to cut her off and finally did, it felt forced, and his behavior really was obsessive. I feel he would have been way happier with her. Though he pays for all the bills now, cleans/cooks a lot, stopped drinking, cuts off any woman I feel uncomfortable about, is an open book, I still have so much resentment and feel he only chose me bc he had nowhere to live and no car for work. I feel like an old pathetic ugly cougar. He also wants to get married now and is always asking me to look at rings but is he just settling?

So I F 29 made the decision to separate from my husband M 28. We have been separated for about a month now, but I told him we could still do therapy because we had scheduled appointments prior to me asking to separate. We started therapy but I think it might be a little late for that. I feel like I’ve already made my mind up, but he is trying to be better now. He has been doing everything I had asked him to before. My thoughts are that maybe it’s my perspective and I need to work on adjusting it. Maybe i am to negative to be able to accept that he could actually change and I’m not willing to let things work out I feel this way is because if I forgive him for everything he has done to me or didn’t do that I asked. I feel like would be betraying myself. Communicated all of my feelings, wants and needs to him consistently. I asked him to help work on our relationship and he continued to abuse me emotionally, mentally and physically a few times. He has admitted now that he heard everything I said I needed and wanted from the relationship and that’s what he is using to work on himself. To me this says he heard everything i needed from him and he choose to ignore my needs and wants for the relationship. He did not want to be a partner he wanted to use me and my kindness and love to benefit him and not return anything to the relationship.
Most of the details of everything that has happened are below.
When we first started dating i asked him if he would be able to not to watch porn because it interfered with our sex life and his ability to preform he agreed he wouldn’t. Then Shortly after we bought our house we started having relationships issues and i asked if there was something going on and he said no i asked if there was anything i could do to make our relationship better he said no. I asked if he wasn’t attracted to me he said no. I asked if he was watching porn and he said no He’d say no to everything i asked. I would ask frequently because i knew something was going on. We were barely ever having sex, and I knew something was wrong, i was worried and trying to fix things so I’d bring it up over and over again I asked if he was less attracted to me, if there was something I could do to make things more interesting for him, I offered to watch porn for foreplay, and he said there was nothing wrong and i was just making him feel bad and trying to pressure him into sex, or making him feel guilty, said he just didn’t have much of a sex drive. So I felt bad stopped brining it up. He said nothing had changed and maybe i have brain tumor, he made me feel crazy for being worried and trying to fix the relationship. One of the times he pushed me up against a wall and was annoyed at me for trying to ask about what was going on. He lied to me over and over again. About the dumbest thing. Then like the week before our 1 year wedding anniversary right after we did family pictures he left his phone on the counter and i went to grab it to bring it to him and saw his app called secure folder and i went to open it and it has a password so i brought it over to him to put the password in he said he didn’t know what it was i said not to lie and open it he was shaking and freaking out so I knew it was bad, i thought he was cheating on me or something though and it was porn some of it questionable. It wasn’t like anything illegal or anything just made me question maybe he may be bi or gay. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but he’s always been pretty like homophobic which to me is a red flag. I see nothing wrong with being open and honest about the things you’re interested in. I was heart broken but didn’t feel crazy anymore at least. I didn’t understand so i did everything i could to be what i thouht he wanted and what he needed. I lost weight to not try not to have a weird tummy because that was something he mentioned when we first started dating, I did ask him if he had an issue with it but he said it was weird and unattractive which hurt. Losing the weight didn’t help make it more attractive he said. Again i asked. I got on medication to be less depressing and have less anxiety, i went to four different therapist, i did sexual things he said he wanted and was the reason he watched porn. I tried to do everything i could to be the best i could be for him. I have no like hard core feelings about porn, I had even offered to watch it with him. Like i don’t like the industry and I feel like it has unrealistic standards for sexual intercourse and there is a specific look that I don’t exactly like but i get that people enjoy it and it serves its purpose and can be used as a tool.
But he lied to me and he hurt me and manipulated me and I’ve really tired really hard to forgive him and get over it but he wasn’t even sorry when he got caught he was just upset he got caught it took him months to even apologize for it. He showed zero empathy the first few weeks. He said he didn’t regret it and wouldn’t go back in time and change things. He said he’d still be doing it now or he didn’t get caught. He had no remorse for months and now I don’t know if i can even trust myself, i know i can’t trust him. I should have trusted my gut, and myself but I doubted it because I wanted love so bad.
I feel like a big reason I let things go for so long is because he got in his motorcycle accident like a monthish after I found out. Part of me wonders if he did it on purpose but he said there’s not way he would do that. However i don’t trust him so who knows.
After awhile he did start to feel sorry. He has tried to make things better but it hasn’t been consistently. If I cried at all or got upset he would just ignore it or roll over and go to bed. He gets annoyed if i bring anything up I think we need to work on. He’s called me to emotional and depressing. He has gotten some what better and made more efforts to be part of my son’s life. He says he hasn’t lied to me about watching porn since that day. I had told him that If he wanted to watch it i told him it was okay I would just appreciate if he asked so i knew and didn’t think he was hiding things from me. He’s very picky about the times I can look at his phone and I’ve found website in his data usage history and he claims they’re pop ups. So i have lots of doubts thats true.
The questionable porn he was watching was trans porn, so I tried asked him about it and if he was bi maybe or if he had ever questioned his sexuality. I feel like those are completely normal things for people to do. I was just trying to understand. He got really mad and pushed me against the wall and yelled in my face. Like it’s completely okay if he is but I would rather find out now than go ten more years down the road and be left for a man or someone else like I guess maybe it shouldn’t matter what gender they are if he leaves me for someone but I feel like it would make me feel worse about myself if it was a man or a trans person. I’m not sure if that makes me a bad person.
He also will purposely ignore me if he doesn’t want to talk to me or if I ask questions he doesn’t want to answer and use it as like a weapon or something at least that how it feels. I’ve mentioned to him many times and told him I don’t like it and would like him to not do it and if he feels like he can’t talk about something to at least let me know hey i need sometime to think or i really don’t feel like talking right now. But he’ll still do it whenever there is something he doesn’t want to deal with.
Like 10 hours after I told him I wanted to separate he said he watched porn and told me. I felt like he did it because he thought it would upset me. It also made me feel like he had zero self control. I did tell him we could keep trying but we needed space and needed to go to therapy. He had previously refused to go. when i told him I wanted to separate he freaked out a little. And was upset obviously that happens when you get broken up with but he grabbed his gun and he left the house so I called his friends and his dad. Eventually he was okay and i made him give me the gun and I brought it over to a friends house so he doesn’t have it for anything dumb.
To lie about something so dumb and so simple and to make someone feel crazy because you want to watch porn instead of just being honest about it. It makes me wonder what else he’s lied about. Maybe it sounds dumb and not like a good reason to separate but he was my person and he lied to me with ease if he can do it about something so simple he could do it about anything. I trusted him and loved him and gave him everything and now I feel like a shell of the person i could be and i need to fix myself and be a good mom for my son.
It’s really crazy because basically until we bought our house everything was great. He spent time with me, sex was good, he hung out with me and my son and tried to build a relationship with him. I believe he was mostly honest and I actually felt like he loved me and cared about me. But when we moved everything changed he started lying, he stopped hanging out with me when I would have my son at least for the most part. He played his video games more and more as time went on. He got more angry and hid more things.
Also like two months ago I asked him to help clean up he said okay after his game he could have said no has many times before. I do pretty much all of the cleaning. He said yes came down stairs got pissed off he had to help clean and he broke one of the kitchen cabinets, broke the dish washer and dented the garbage can. So i left for the night with my son. And came back after i brought him back to his dads. My son wasn’t home when it happened thankfully but I know when people are physically abusive not that there have been many incidents or like big things but there have been red flags but they say it gets worse each time.
We have sat down and talked multiple times, I have suggested things to improve the relationship, have asked about going to therapy, he didn’t want to go i told him to do some research and try and find an alternative to therapy if he didn’t want to go. I feel like i have given him many chances to change and there have been some improvements but nothing consistently. Now that we’ve separated he has been trying more to be better, but I feel like I have given him so many chances to improve. I feel bad because he’s hurt. And like i thought that our love was real and I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I don’t want to be twice divorced, i hate that i have spent so much time trying to make it work, and that i let someone hurt me so badly. I hate that i allowed my son have someone in his life that didn’t love him the way he deserves, I want to make sure I’m making the right decision because he’s not a bad person like he’s made bad decisions, but he’s never been in a relationship before and has never been around kids. I don’t like that I feel like i was a lesson for him. I don’t know if i should have ask to separate a lot longer ago to get him to make a change. I know i love him and i know he loves me. But i know it’s not the love i deserve. I don’t know if i should risk taking more time to give him the opportunity to improve or if I should just let him to now and move on and let him start to move on.
TLDR: husband lied to me and broke my trust manipulated, gas lit, I tired to work on things for over a year and a half nothing improved so I asked to separate, he asked for another chance and is actually making an effort. Is it worth another chance after constant manipulation.

So I F 29 made the decision to separate from my husband M 28. We have been separated for about a month now, but I told him we could still do therapy because we had scheduled appointments prior to me asking to separate. We started therapy but I think it might be a little late for that. I feel like I’ve already made my mind up, but he is trying to be better now. He has been doing everything I had asked him to before. My thoughts are that maybe it’s my perspective and I need to work on adjusting it. Maybe i am to negative to be able to accept that he could actually change and I’m not willing to let things work out I feel this way is because if I forgive him for everything he has done to me or didn’t do that I asked. I feel like would be betraying myself. Communicated all of my feelings, wants and needs to him consistently. I asked him to help work on our relationship and he continued to abuse me emotionally, mentally and physically a few times. He has admitted now that he heard everything I said I needed and wanted from the relationship and that’s what he is using to work on himself. To me this says he heard everything i needed from him and he choose to ignore my needs and wants for the relationship. He did not want to be a partner he wanted to use me and my kindness and love to benefit him and not return anything to the relationship.
Most of the details of everything that has happened are below.
When we first started dating i asked him if he would be able to not to watch porn because it interfered with our sex life and his ability to preform he agreed he wouldn’t. Then Shortly after we bought our house we started having relationships issues and i asked if there was something going on and he said no i asked if there was anything i could do to make our relationship better he said no. I asked if he wasn’t attracted to me he said no. I asked if he was watching porn and he said no He’d say no to everything i asked. I would ask frequently because i knew something was going on. We were barely ever having sex, and I knew something was wrong, i was worried and trying to fix things so I’d bring it up over and over again I asked if he was less attracted to me, if there was something I could do to make things more interesting for him, I offered to watch porn for foreplay, and he said there was nothing wrong and i was just making him feel bad and trying to pressure him into sex, or making him feel guilty, said he just didn’t have much of a sex drive. So I felt bad stopped brining it up. He said nothing had changed and maybe i have brain tumor, he made me feel crazy for being worried and trying to fix the relationship. One of the times he pushed me up against a wall and was annoyed at me for trying to ask about what was going on. He lied to me over and over again. About the dumbest thing. Then like the week before our 1 year wedding anniversary right after we did family pictures he left his phone on the counter and i went to grab it to bring it to him and saw his app called secure folder and i went to open it and it has a password so i brought it over to him to put the password in he said he didn’t know what it was i said not to lie and open it he was shaking and freaking out so I knew it was bad, i thought he was cheating on me or something though and it was porn some of it questionable. It wasn’t like anything illegal or anything just made me question maybe he may be bi or gay. Which there is nothing wrong with that, but he’s always been pretty like homophobic which to me is a red flag. I see nothing wrong with being open and honest about the things you’re interested in. I was heart broken but didn’t feel crazy anymore at least. I didn’t understand so i did everything i could to be what i thouht he wanted and what he needed. I lost weight to not try not to have a weird tummy because that was something he mentioned when we first started dating, I did ask him if he had an issue with it but he said it was weird and unattractive which hurt. Losing the weight didn’t help make it more attractive he said. Again i asked. I got on medication to be less depressing and have less anxiety, i went to four different therapist, i did sexual things he said he wanted and was the reason he watched porn. I tried to do everything i could to be the best i could be for him. I have no like hard core feelings about porn, I had even offered to watch it with him. Like i don’t like the industry and I feel like it has unrealistic standards for sexual intercourse and there is a specific look that I don’t exactly like but i get that people enjoy it and it serves its purpose and can be used as a tool.
But he lied to me and he hurt me and manipulated me and I’ve really tired really hard to forgive him and get over it but he wasn’t even sorry when he got caught he was just upset he got caught it took him months to even apologize for it. He showed zero empathy the first few weeks. He said he didn’t regret it and wouldn’t go back in time and change things. He said he’d still be doing it now or he didn’t get caught. He had no remorse for months and now I don’t know if i can even trust myself, i know i can’t trust him. I should have trusted my gut, and myself but I doubted it because I wanted love so bad.
I feel like a big reason I let things go for so long is because he got in his motorcycle accident like a monthish after I found out. Part of me wonders if he did it on purpose but he said there’s not way he would do that. However i don’t trust him so who knows.
After awhile he did start to feel sorry. He has tried to make things better but it hasn’t been consistently. If I cried at all or got upset he would just ignore it or roll over and go to bed. He gets annoyed if i bring anything up I think we need to work on. He’s called me to emotional and depressing. He has gotten some what better and made more efforts to be part of my son’s life. He says he hasn’t lied to me about watching porn since that day. I had told him that If he wanted to watch it i told him it was okay I would just appreciate if he asked so i knew and didn’t think he was hiding things from me. He’s very picky about the times I can look at his phone and I’ve found website in his data usage history and he claims they’re pop ups. So i have lots of doubts thats true.
The questionable porn he was watching was trans porn, so I tried asked him about it and if he was bi maybe or if he had ever questioned his sexuality. I feel like those are completely normal things for people to do. I was just trying to understand. He got really mad and pushed me against the wall and yelled in my face. Like it’s completely okay if he is but I would rather find out now than go ten more years down the road and be left for a man or someone else like I guess maybe it shouldn’t matter what gender they are if he leaves me for someone but I feel like it would make me feel worse about myself if it was a man or a trans person. I’m not sure if that makes me a bad person.
He also will purposely ignore me if he doesn’t want to talk to me or if I ask questions he doesn’t want to answer and use it as like a weapon or something at least that how it feels. I’ve mentioned to him many times and told him I don’t like it and would like him to not do it and if he feels like he can’t talk about something to at least let me know hey i need sometime to think or i really don’t feel like talking right now. But he’ll still do it whenever there is something he doesn’t want to deal with.
Like 10 hours after I told him I wanted to separate he said he watched porn and told me. I felt like he did it because he thought it would upset me. It also made me feel like he had zero self control. I did tell him we could keep trying but we needed space and needed to go to therapy. He had previously refused to go. when i told him I wanted to separate he freaked out a little. And was upset obviously that happens when you get broken up with but he grabbed his gun and he left the house so I called his friends and his dad. Eventually he was okay and i made him give me the gun and I brought it over to a friends house so he doesn’t have it for anything dumb.
To lie about something so dumb and so simple and to make someone feel crazy because you want to watch porn instead of just being honest about it. It makes me wonder what else he’s lied about. Maybe it sounds dumb and not like a good reason to separate but he was my person and he lied to me with ease if he can do it about something so simple he could do it about anything. I trusted him and loved him and gave him everything and now I feel like a shell of the person i could be and i need to fix myself and be a good mom for my son.
It’s really crazy because basically until we bought our house everything was great. He spent time with me, sex was good, he hung out with me and my son and tried to build a relationship with him. I believe he was mostly honest and I actually felt like he loved me and cared about me. But when we moved everything changed he started lying, he stopped hanging out with me when I would have my son at least for the most part. He played his video games more and more as time went on. He got more angry and hid more things.
Also like two months ago I asked him to help clean up he said okay after his game he could have said no has many times before. I do pretty much all of the cleaning. He said yes came down stairs got pissed off he had to help clean and he broke one of the kitchen cabinets, broke the dish washer and dented the garbage can. So i left for the night with my son. And came back after i brought him back to his dads. My son wasn’t home when it happened thankfully but I know when people are physically abusive not that there have been many incidents or like big things but there have been red flags but they say it gets worse each time.
We have sat down and talked multiple times, I have suggested things to improve the relationship, have asked about going to therapy, he didn’t want to go i told him to do some research and try and find an alternative to therapy if he didn’t want to go. I feel like i have given him many chances to change and there have been some improvements but nothing consistently. Now that we’ve separated he has been trying more to be better, but I feel like I have given him so many chances to improve. I feel bad because he’s hurt. And like i thought that our love was real and I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. I don’t want to be twice divorced, i hate that i have spent so much time trying to make it work, and that i let someone hurt me so badly. I hate that i allowed my son have someone in his life that didn’t love him the way he deserves, I want to make sure I’m making the right decision because he’s not a bad person like he’s made bad decisions, but he’s never been in a relationship before and has never been around kids. I don’t like that I feel like i was a lesson for him. I don’t know if i should have ask to separate a lot longer ago to get him to make a change. I know i love him and i know he loves me. But i know it’s not the love i deserve. I don’t know if i should risk taking more time to give him the opportunity to improve or if I should just let him to now and move on and let him start to move on.
TLDR: husband lied to me and broke my trust manipulated, gas lit, I tired to work on things for over a year and a half nothing improved so I asked to separate, he asked for another chance and is actually making an effort. Is it worth another chance after constant manipulation.

TW: Grooming neglect child abuse
Using this to scream into the void since nobody I know really follows me here. This gets pretty meander-y as I am on my phone and exploding with emotion. Apologies up front.
I’m (38f) struggling. My person that was my person for 15 years pretty cruelly ended things. Then they’ve seemingly found the love of their life that they “weren’t even looking for!” Within 6 weeks.
I know that I was absolutely stupid to stay in the relationship.
We met in an AOL chat room in the late 90s. We were friends. We became more after late nights chatting. I was 13. Him 19.
We “dated” for around 2 weeks until he emailed me one night saying he couldn’t get past me being 13 and wished I was 17. I said I understood. We went back to being close friends only. We chatted a lot.
Then I was 15 and he was 21. We started long distance dating again. He came to see me and stayed in my family home. My mom knew. His parents knew. Things became sexual but not full intercourse.
This started a life long cycle. I was everything, then nothing, then he’d cheat or get an of somebody better.
Through all of this I became increasingly anxious. I’m talking full of panic attack breakdowns.
I moved across the country to him. His friends relentlessly compared me to / talked to me about his ex. They said micro aggressive racist things to me. When I brought it up, I was the bad guy. When his family did the same “they didn’t mean harm” and I was the bad guy. He would never stand up for me.
One friend touched me innapropiately on purpose. I told him, he yelled at me. He didn’t believe me until another friend that is a woman separately told him that person did the same to her.
I worked minimum wage part time jobs. I developed health issues and started incurring debt. He called me a gold digger. But he also didn’t want to talk about money. I got a credit card because I needed to buy items / clothing for the work I was doing (business casual clothing store).
He obsessed over his ex and relished in people saying horrible things about her and her new partner, his ex best friend. He started distancing himself from me. When I wanted to talk about it he told me it was all in my head.
I would wake up early, we’d make plans but he wouldn’t get out of bed. I’d take care of the house and the yard for years.
He became increasingly distant and I’d ask him what was wrong. He’d tell me nothing or brick wall me. He didn’t want physical intimacy anymore but didn’t have a reason other than being tired or he’d eat too much. I didn’t want to pressure him I just wanted to know why so we could work on it or so I could understand . I’d get anxious, upset, and cry… then he’d want intimacy.
At one point I said hey I’m good with the non physical side of the relationship if you’re just not feeling that. Let’s just have an understanding that we don’t do that and I’ll respect it. This also made him upset. There was no winning. I just tried to do what I could to figure it out or understand.
I also felt like he was my best friend and when he wanted me, things were amazing. I continued to mentally deteriorate.
I started ending up in the hospital ER a handful of times because I felt I couldn’t breath, felt like I was dying. It was diagnosed as panic. Years later it was found I had asthmatic reactions to the entire environment. I was terrified and didn’t know what was happening.
He said he felt like he was my father instead of a partner. He broke things off again. I bought a condo and the first night I moved out, he showed up at 5:30 in the morning revealing his affair and begging me to come home.
Yes, I went with him. I was hurting but just so happy and relieved that he wanted me again. The other woman had known about me the entire time (my first reaction was to protect her and I felt bad for her getting dragged in) and had other issues revealed later on. Things were amazing for a while, he opened up to me. He wanted me.
During that time he also revealed that: He thought I was trying to baby trap him. Anybody that knows me knows kids are absolutely a hell no in my book. He was upset over my lack of helping financially.
I felt terrible. He wrote me a letter outlining everything that made him upset. I respected it and took it very seriously.
Everytime I brought it up so we could work on the things that upset him he would tell me those weren’t actual issues. I continued to ask to go to couples therapy and work on the issues. He refused because he was afraid of jail if our beginning was revealed.
During these years I became horrifically sick twice from random flu/etc I picked up. So sick it scared me. I developed PTSD.
One of the times, we were on vacation and my insurance didn’t work outside of the state we lived in. I asked him to drive me back to our state because of how sick I was. He was really really pissed off about it. I felt terrible.
We recovered. I continued to ask him to go to counseling with me. Continued refusal. I saw a therapist regularly to work on my anxiety. It turned out I had CPTSD / OCD.
Then came the pandemic. I was / am terrified of getting sick. I used to ride my bike around to get everywhere. I exercised regularly. Over the years, it became hard to do simple things without losing my breath or becoming brain fogged. It continued to be diagnosed as panic.
I became so terrified that I didn’t want either of us to do anything without taking proper precautions for years. He remained supportive on the outside. I became scared of taking over the counter medications or doing things around the house. Everything I did lead to me having a very difficult time breathing.
I didn’t want to see the people that were terrible to me for years without provocation. I also didn’t see my friends anymore because they were increasingly upset with me for staying with him.
I felt like I was going insane. I needed reassurance / comfort a lot. I feel so guilty.
Finally, I was diagnosed with allergy related asthma. Given an inhaler and while it improved things, I still struggled to breathe. I had to stay in one room / rooms with air purifiers. The allergies were so bad that if I didn’t take medication daily, my ears, nose, and throat would become so inflamed I would get dizzy and I’d have constant tinnitus. He was mostly supportive. We decided to move out of state.
He started to act odd / drag his feet. At this point we were also engaged. I convinced him to seek therapy but he still refused to see a counselor together. He continued to maintain that our relationship was good and he was happy. That the letter was BS.
I mentally deteriorated because we were making no actual moves to move. I was terrified all the time. He started to gaslight me regarding issues around the home. We also somehow had many good times and would laugh together almost everyday. He maintained that I was the love of his life.
I was so confused and terrified that I would have panic attacks over small things on my body and would seek comfort in his reassurance. I felt guilty. I became depressed because I no longer had the motivation to take care of the house. I was terrified of Spring coming and everything that comes with it regarding my ability to breathe. I felt bad about him not being able to see his friends.
I decided to move to a colder climate for a short period of time to recover. Temporarily. My therapist recommended it. To shake off the fear of COVID. To be able to be in a place where I could breathe. I spoke with him about it and decided to do it. I cried and cried. The morning I left was horrible.
After moving, I could actually go through the entire Spring / Summer without needing medication or an inhaler. I was terrified. I worked on the OCD.
During this time he was on his own journey. Which I was supportive of. He went to therapy, started vitamins, mood stabilizers, and found medication to help him sleep. He started to do the things on his own that I was begging him to do for years. Cleaning up the house, fixing long term projects, doing the things I had suggested / tried to do (he wouldn’t let me)as if they were his own ideas.
I became withdrawn sexually from the trauma of what happened when we were young / the cheating.
He came to visit me and he seemed supportive / understanding, we connected (or I thought we did). He started telling me he was too afraid to cuddle / touch me in non-sexual ways. I told him it was okay and that I welcomed it. He still acted weird but reassured me I was still the love of his life.
He started to act weird. When we discussed living arrangements / moving I was open to living anywhere where my allergies wouldn’t be affected. I realized the allergies that closed my airways were peak May - September. We discussed me living away half of the year. I was open to working it out however we needed to as long as I could breathe.
He continued to tell me he wanted to make it work / he was totally in love with me. I was terrified he wouldn’t give up for me what I gave up for him.
Then he started obsessing over the energy his friend and his friend’s new girlfriend has. This is what would happen every-time his wandering eye happened. Sure enough, he started to pull away while still saying he was totally in love with me and wanted me. It came time for me to come home, and he didn’t want me to.
He messaged me one day saying that he just felt done. When we talked, he brought up everything in the letter that he refused was a problem.
He called me a gold digger, he told me I was terrible to his friends (when I asked which ones he specifically mentioned the ones that were racist to me or terrible to me), he brought up every single sensitive and hurtful point he could. He told me my mental illnesses were just too much for him to handle. I gave up. I was devastated. He swore there wasn’t anybody else and that he was going to stay single for a while.
I asked a mutual friend to be our go between to retrieve my stuff. The friend ended up having a loss in her family so I reached out to him directly. I specifically said that I respected his decision to break up I just wanted to figure out my stuff.
I told him that I understand that was our last time being together. He replied “I think that’s a safe assumption at this point in time.” It was such a weird thing to say. He had devastated me 3 weeks earlier. I felt that I lost everything. My home, my other cats, my best friend, the love of my life.
He was jovially telling me that he just told the old friends that I just wasn’t his person so it didn’t work out. That he was seeing friends again (I never wanted him to not see the friends that weren’t terrible to me). It crushed me.
The next time we spoke a week later I told him about how the assumption thing was a hurtful thing to say. To which he replied “Well it’s us and we’ve been done before so you never know the future.” What? I said hey that really stings can we please make it more permanent. He did and then changed it up again later in the conversation. He apologized for all the bad things he said when we broke up.
It left me more confused. He talked about how he didn’t want to hurt me. How he was now going on dates at the recommendation of his therapist. He wanted to be friends, how I was still the most important person in the world to him.
Another week goes by. He’s got a serious girlfriend. But he wasn’t planning it, how he admitted to her that when we go together I was 15. I corrected him and he said he didn’t remember it. How he wasn’t planning for this to happen but he met her and she’s great and etc.
I feel like absolute filler trash. I feel like nothing. No matter what I do the pain is intense and constant. I’ve lost my home and everything I held dear with it. I know that I am an idiot for carrying on for so long. He agreed that it wasn’t fair that I was his life lesson to be better for her. That he’s come out unscathed.
Nothing anybody says has helped. I just wanted to scream into the void. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have many friends anymore due to staying in the relationship.
I’ve called the crisis hotline / tried to utilize coping mechanisms but I feel like the feelings won’t let up.
I’ve jumped into a relationship with somebody that is a long time friend and I feel incredibly guilty about that. The friend knows the entire truth of the situation. I am desperate to feel something that isn’t constant pain and betrayal.

I am losing my mind on the PreMom app. The number of people posting pictures of an 8 week ultrasound asking what the sex is is driving me insane. Some other insanely stupid posts: 1) Asking if anyone else felt their baby kick at 11 weeks. Like good grief. 2) Writing that their baby must love [random food]. 3) Blaming a common pregnancy symptom or birth experience on the sex of their baby. 4) Asking how to time intercourse with specific moon phases to have control over fetal sex. 5) People shit talking C-sections and women who have had them. 6) Bringing religion into everything (particularly annoying when they thank God for successful fertility treatments, as if their doctors, medicine, procedures, etc. did nothing).
Is anyone else this annoyed? Or are my hormones just in full swing? And also, why can’t I stop reading them!? It’s like staring at a car accident.

Using this to scream into the void since nobody I know really follows me here. TW: Grooming neglect child abuse
I’m (38f) struggling. My person that was my person for 15 years pretty cruelly ended things. Then they’ve seemingly found the love of their life that they “weren’t even looking for!” Within 6 weeks.
I know that I was absolutely stupid to stay in the relationship.
We met in an AOL chat room in the late 90s. We were friends. We became more after late nights chatting. I was 13. Him 19.
We “dated” for around 2 weeks until he emailed me one night saying he couldn’t get past me being 13 and wished I was 17. I said I understood. We went back to being close friends only.
Then I was 15 and he was 21. We started long distance dating again. He came to see me and stayed in my family home. My mom knew. His parents knew. Things became sexual but not full intercourse.
This started a life long cycle. I was everything, then nothing, then he’d cheat or get an of somebody better.
Through all of this I became increasingly anxious. I’m talking full of panic attack breakdowns.
I moved across the country to him. His friends relentlessly compared me to / talked to me about his ex. They said micro aggressive racist things to me. When I brought it up, I was the bad guy.
One friend touched me innapropiately on purpose. I told him, he yelled at me. He didn’t believe me until another friend that is a woman separately told him that person did the same to her.
I worked minimum wage part time jobs. I developed health issues and started incurring debt. He called me a gold digger. But he also didn’t want to talk about money.
He obsessed over his ex and relished in people saying horrible things about her and her new partner, his ex best friend. He started distancing himself from me. When I wanted to talk about it he told me it was all in my head.
I would wake up early, we’d make plans but he wouldn’t get out of bed. I’d take care of the house and the yard for years.
He became increasingly distant and I’d ask him what was wrong. He’d tell me nothing or brick wall me. He didn’t want physical intimacy anymore. I’d get anxious, upset, and cry… then he’d want intimacy.
I also felt like he was my best friend and when he wanted me, things were amazing. I continued to mentally deteriorate.
I started ending up in the hospital ER because I felt I couldn’t breath, felt like I was dying. It was diagnosed as panic. Years later it was found I had asthmatic reactions to the entire environment. I was terrified and didn’t know what was happening.
He said he felt like he was my father instead of a partner. He broke things off again. I bought a condo and the first night I moved out, he showed up at 5:30 in the morning revealing his affair and begging me to come home.
Yes, I went with him. I was hurting but just so happy and relieved that he wanted me again. The other woman had known about me the entire time (my first reaction was to protect her) and had other issues revealed later on. Things were amazing for a while, he opened up to me. He wanted me.
During that time he also revealed that: He thought I was trying to baby trap him. Anybody that knows me knows kids are absolutely a hell no in my book. He was upset over my lack of helping financially.
I felt terrible. He wrote me a letter outlining everything that made him upset. I respected it and took it very seriously.
Everytime I brought it up so we could work on the things that upset him he would tell me those weren’t actual issues. I continued to ask to go to couples therapy and work on the issues. He refused because he was afraid of jail if our beginning was revealed.
During these years I became horrifically sick twice from random flu/etc I picked up. So sick it scared me. I developed PTSD.
One of the times, we were on vacation and my insurance didn’t work outside of the state we lived in. I asked him to drive me back to our state because of how sick I was. He was really really pissed off about it. I felt terrible.
We recovered. I continued to ask him to go to counseling with me. Continued refusal. I saw a therapist regularly to work on my anxiety. It turned out I had CPTSD / OCD.
Then came the pandemic. I was / am terrified of getting sick. I used to ride my bike around to get everywhere. I exercised regularly. Over the years, it became hard to do simple things without losing my breath or becoming brain fogged. It continued to be diagnosed as panic.
I became so terrified that I didn’t want either of us to do anything without taking proper precautions for years. He remained supportive on the outside. I became scared of taking over the counter medications or doing things around the house. Everything I did lead to me having a very difficult time breathing.
I didn’t want to see the people that were terrible to me for years without provocation. I also didn’t see my friends anymore because they were increasingly upset with me for staying with him.
I felt like I was going insane. I needed reassurance / comfort a lot. I feel so guilty.
Finally, I was diagnosed with allergy related asthma. Given an inhaler and while it improved things, I still struggled to breathe. I had to stay in one room / rooms with air purifiers. The allergies were so bad that if I didn’t take medication daily, my ears, nose, and throat would become so inflamed I would get dizzy and I’d have constant tinnitus. He was mostly supportive. We decided to move out of state.
He started to act odd / drag his feet. At this point we were also engaged. I convinced him to seek therapy but he still refused to see a counselor together. He continued to maintain that our relationship was good and he was happy. That the letter was BS.
I mentally deteriorated because we were making no actual moves to move. I was terrified all the time. He started to gaslight me regarding issues around the home. We also somehow had many good times and would laugh together almost everyday. He maintained that I was the love of his life.
I was so confused and terrified that I would have panic attacks over small things on my body and would seek comfort in his reassurance. I felt guilty. I became depressed because I no longer had the motivation to take care of the house. I was terrified of Spring coming and everything that comes with it regarding my ability to breathe. I felt bad about him not being able to see his friends.
I decided to move to a colder climate for a short period of time to recover. Temporarily. My therapist recommended it. To shake off the fear of COVID. To be able to be in a place where I could breathe. I spoke with him about it and decided to do it. I cried and cried. The morning I left was horrible.
After moving, I could actually go through the entire Spring / Summer without needing medication or an inhaler. I was terrified. I worked on the OCD.
During this time he was on his own journey. Which I was supportive of. He went to therapy, started vitamins, mood stabilizers, and found medication to help him sleep. He started to do the things on his own that I was begging him to do for years. Cleaning up the house, fixing long term projects, doing the things I had suggested / tried to do (he wouldn’t let me)as if they were his own ideas.
I became withdrawn sexually from the trauma of what happened when we were young / the cheating.
He came to visit me and he seemed supportive / understanding, we connected (or I thought we did). He started telling me he was too afraid to cuddle / touch me in non-sexual ways. I told him it was okay and that I welcomed it. He still acted weird but reassured me I was still the love of his life.
He started to act weird. When we discussed living arrangements / moving I was open to living anywhere where my allergies wouldn’t be affected. I realized the allergies that closed my airways were peak May - September. We discussed me living away half of the year. I was open to working it out however we needed to as long as I could breathe.
He continued to tell me he wanted to make it work / he was totally in love with me. I was terrified he wouldn’t give up for me what I gave up for him.
Then he started obsessing over the energy his friend and his friend’s new girlfriend has. This is what would happen every-time his wandering eye happened. Sure enough, he started to pull away while still saying he was totally in love with me and wanted me. It came time for me to come home, and he didn’t want me to.
He messaged me one day saying that he just felt done. When we talked, he brought up everything in the letter that he refused was a problem.
He called me a gold digger, he told me I was terrible to his friends (when I asked which ones he specifically mentioned the ones that were racist to me or terrible to me), he brought up every single sensitive and hurtful point he could. He told me my mental illnesses were just too much for him to handle. I gave up. I was devastated. He swore there wasn’t anybody else and that he was going to stay single for a while.
I asked a mutual friend to be our go between to retrieve my stuff. The friend ended up having a loss in her family so I reached out to him directly. I specifically said that I respected his decision to break up I just wanted to figure out my stuff.
I told him that I understand that was our last time being together. He replied “I think that’s a safe assumption at this point in time.” It was such a weird thing to say. He had devastated me 3 weeks earlier. I felt that I lost everything. My home, my other cats, my best friend, the love of my life.
He was jovially telling me that he just told the old friends that I just wasn’t his person so it didn’t work out. That he was seeing friends again (I never wanted him to not see the friends that weren’t terrible to me). It crushed me.
The next time we spoke a week later I told him about how the assumption thing was a hurtful thing to say. To which he replied “Well it’s us and we’ve been done before so you never know the future.” What? I said hey that really stings can we please make it more permanent. He did and then changed it up again later in the conversation. He apologized for all the bad things he said when we broke up.
It left me more confused. He talked about how he didn’t want to hurt me. How he was now going on dates at the recommendation of his therapist. He wanted to be friends, how I was still the most important person in the world to him.
Another week goes by. He’s got a serious girlfriend. But he wasn’t planning it, how he admitted to her that when we go together I was 15. I corrected him and he said he didn’t remember it. How he wasn’t planning for this to happen but he met her and she’s great and etc.
I feel like absolute filler trash. I feel like nothing. No matter what I do the pain is intense and constant. I’ve lost my home and everything I held dear with it. I know that I am an idiot for carrying on for so long. He agreed that it wasn’t fair that I was his life lesson to be better for her. That he’s come out unscathed.
Nothing anybody says has helped. I just wanted to scream into the void. I don’t know what to do. I don’t have many friends anymore due to staying in the relationship.
I’ve called the crisis hotline / tried to utilize coping mechanisms but I feel like the feelings won’t let up.
I’ve jumped into a relationship with somebody that is a long time friend and I feel incredibly guilty about that. The friend knows the entire truth of the situation. I am desperate to feel something that isn’t constant pain and betrayal.

I know how this sounds. I'm not trying to justify my actions either. I'm ashamed of myself. I 23M is currently studying Business Administration Major at Management. From a very young age i had weird sexual desires and fantasies. I've been addicted to pornography for a long time. My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a decade now. But it was in 2020 when she introduced me to her mom. A middle aged women, around 40-45 years old. Not very attractive. My Girlfriend and her mom has Facial Similarities. Although they don't look exactly the same but By seeing them together anyone could tell that they are related. It was the night of June 21st 2023. I was watching porn in my room. scrolling through web pages and bouncing from one video to another till i find the perfect video to masturbate. That night I discovered a porn actress named Helen Ceilo. Her face looked exactly like my girlfriends mother. The resemblance was unbelievable. That night after doing my business i started fantasying about my GF"s mother. Although she didn't have an attractive body, I really liked her breasts. My obsession of big breasts comes from a very young age. Sucking onto ni**les gives me incredible joy. I do that to my GF regularly and she loves it. From that night I've been dreaming about sucking my GF's mothers Ni*ples and fu**ing her. Seems like it would forever remain a dream and i have accepted that. however i have found other ways to cope with this obsession. I masturbate to her photos on a regular basis. In the photos I stare right into her eyes when i'm c*ming. I even photoshoped her face into Helen Ceilo's body to increase my pleasure. As times passed i je*ked of to her aunts pictures as well due to the fact they look identical. I sometimes Collage a naked picture of my girlfriend and a Picture of her mother and Je*k of to that. But every time the post nut clarity hits me, I feel terrible. I'm in a committed relationship with my girlfriend and i have never cheated on her throughout the course of our relationship. But I have always had thought of cheating her. I'm the type of man who isn't meant to be in a committed relationship. But I love my Girlfriend and I can't throw away what we have built in all these years just because of some sexual fantasy. But I know for a fact that one day if Opportunity arrives of me having intercourse with some other women i will do it. I'm not strong enough to resist.

I was 12F when this happened. Back then my parents had decided to seperate, and my dad had found a new partner. She had two kids, an 18 year old daughter, and a 12 year old son.
I was in shared custody, but I spent more time at my mom's home since school was closest. I spent one weekend per two at my dad's. At first it was real nice, I had my own room, and the step family would visit. It quickly went downhill though, when I got more contact with my step-brother. He had unlimited access to the internet and his mother was an absolute pushover. He knew way too much about porn and adult content than he should have at his age, and was sure to let me know.
He was sly at first, hid it under deals and games that I didnt understand at my age. He made me laugh while playing video games and told me he would continue his jokes in exchange for kisses. The memories are hazy but I remember debating it at first, but in a desperate moment to be liked by him. I did. He actually force a tongue kiss, and I backed away, told him to not do that again, that it was gross. It made him laugh but, that should have been my first red flag. But I didnt know any better.
The rest is even harder to remember. I don't want to remember it honestly. Im ashamed that all of this happened under everyone's nose, and never told anyone. I was ashamed as I grew up that I let it all happen. But I was a lone child, I never had siblings, I just wanted to be loved and wanted by them, to be family. But he took advantage of that. We would play pretend, I loved to do LARP, as most kids do. And he would find ways to slip in sexual acts, like groping me, exposing his genitals, or quite literally humping me. I didnt get it, but it made me extremely uncomfortable. I didnt say anything though, anything to be liked... The more it went, the more aggressively he would ask for full intercourse, but I always refused, and he listened. I never understood why he did, because he had gotten away with so much already. I didnt want to go to my dad's anymore, I kept telling my mom everytime it was that weekend that I didnt want to go. But she sent me anyway thinking it was just me having a tantrum and not because I was actively being assaulted.
One day though, my dad went in the room when he was actively above me, and he got ripped off of me so quickly, and shoved in my dad's room where he proceeded to yell at him for what felt like hours. I don't remember anything else, but I know that from then on, my dad broke up with that woman, to protect me from her son. I wish I had told him sooner, because I know never would my dad let those happen to me willingly. Ever. He just didnt know.
I hate knowing that most of this is my fault, I did not speak up, I didnt tell my mom why I didnt want to go. I didn't tell my dad what was happening. It has changed my sexual life forever and has ripped me of innocence too early I think. I only told my mom recently, I'm 26 ftm now. She cried, and I felt awful... I'm terrified of telling my dad though. I hate to see him cry. I can only image how he would feel, knowing it happened in his home, under his care...
So, yeah. My step brother sexually assaulted me multiple times, and I didnt know any better to stop him.

English is not my first language… sorry for the grammar. I (18f) and my bestie (14f) are childhood friends from five years ( I was 13 and she was 9). Her mother and my mother are best friends, and we grow up together being friends as well. Despite the age difference our minds were alike, and we share the similar interest, we grew up together, sleepover together, shared our secrets and fears together. Fast forward 3 years ( I am 16 and she is 12) , she was playing on her phone online game called PUBG where I met my current bf ( back then he was 21), the three of us played together PUBG and had fun for over a year until my bf and I expressed our feelings together. The three of us grew closer, unlike my bestie, she doesn’t have a bf. She is in and out dating. (I know we were young and dumb). Grade 12 graduation came up and I had to move to a dorm in a far city. I come over the weekend to hang out with them and go back to the drom. Sometimes I stay 2 or even 3 weeks at the dorm because its hard for me to study and keep up. I am currently 18, my bestie 15, and bf 23-24… I study medicine to become a doctor. I am currently failing all my courses after having 2 operations for my kidneys. It was hard for me mentally and physically. Fast forward to last month, I told my bf hat I am going out late at night with my brother, I lied to him, the truth is I want to go with my bestie. My bf doesn’t want me to go outside alone at night for my safety + not allowed in our culture. In the end I confessed that I am go out both with my bestie and my brother. He got pissed because he doesn’t want her to be involve. I shrugged it off and went out anyway. The next day I went to the dorm, and I called him he was pissed for lying to him and twisting the truth around, I admit that I did, and he felt betrayed and he doesn’t know what else I lied to him and felt like the trust is broken. I am a sensitive person and cried for forgiveness and he kept getting mad and I felt scared. I already had 2 operation, tomorrow I will have an exam and I am not prepared and I am failing. That week was tense. I was trying to talk to him and he is avoiding me. I was worried that he would block me so I called him one last time to talk to him and that time he dropped a bomb on me. He said that your friend become a slut to the point that his friends a work are talking about her.. I was shocked. I know my best friend dates and had multiple boyfriends like about 16 bf total. But what I didn’t know that she become a slut and having intercourse with people. I remembered her telling me that there is a boy did it to her but in an oral way, but I never thought it was intense nor her name was spread like wild fire. My bf lived 4 hours away from where I live, and for his friends to know her name was shocking. Idk what got into me I was confused and scared and it all on top of each other, I talked to her in snap and told her we are no longer will be close buddies until you fix your behavior and become a good person. I know my mistake is not asking her if it was true or not, I admit I was rushed and didn’t think twice and I am in full regret. Before she replied anything she kept asking me questions on who told me she was a slut and how her name go spread. I didn’t answer because I was crying so hard and couldn’t breathe and I passed out in the bathroom dorm, found by my neighbor and got assisted help from the nurse. When I woke up after 3-4 hours later, I found my self blocked by her, I called her, and she doesn’t want to hear me which I fully understand why she did that. I tried to call her next morning and she doesn’t want to hear from me and blocked me all contacts. It was all getting worse after that…
Update one: my bestie talked to her mom about me, and her mom told my mom. My mom wants to kill me for having a bf and calling me a sinner for both having a bf and breaking my friends heart. At this point I just want to end my life for everything. After a week of the incident. My bf and I talked again and become good. He kept telling me to not be friends with her after my best friend exposed me to my family like tha and I was at risk because my family is strict and abusive. The fact is I do want to go back to her I was the mistake after all. But I am struggling to talk to her because she doesn’t want to talk to me. I just want to apologies to her and see what will happen next.
Update two: I talked to her older sister every day about her, my best friend always hates when my name is brought out to the topic and changes the subject. Her sister doesn’t know the story and she want me to go out with her this Saturday to talk it out and find a solution about her. I just want to talk to her but is it worth it? My bf always tells me tat she is a bad influence and that she exposed my secretes to my mom, and that she is immature and did a lot of dirty stuff with different men. He is telling me to stay away from her because he want to marry me with no drama or rumors that I am doing what she is doing, and that I don’t develop a bad reputation amongst the people. Idk if he is true or not but my feelings towards my best friend is sill there. I regret throwing away 5 years of friendship. Reddit please advise me on what to do.

In August 2021 heard my spouse having sex with a man for 45 minutes in porn theater (he left his phone on). Told me he loved me and was stopping at Lowe’s.
I asked him to move out 1 day later. Two months later he had a heart procedure and needed someone to care for him. Big mistake to take him back home. He has lied to me, manipulated me, gaslighted me his whole life!
Over the next 19 months he worked through 12 steps as I did too. In my heart I knew things were not right. I convinced him to go to an impatient treatment program 90 days. Before leaving he said I knew everything.
At his program they do a full disclosure. The day he left I got his STD results which he denied having but told him I would not wait for 90 days to find out.
Six weeks into his program I started to see some changes. About 70 days in we had a full disclosure and I didn’t know 95% of the things he confessed to. ( was 5 1/2 hours long of hearing of his betrayal through out our marriage. It just about killed me.
Before marrying he promised if he wanted to be with someone he would end the relationship. The trust violation was worse than I experienced as a child seeing my father cheat on my mother for years. He is a million times worse!
I have gone to counseling for many years to get over childhood traumas and now worked with several therapist since his addiction came out.
At first it was one man one time but that blew up to 100’s of times. He lied to me and our 4 children, his siblings, and his mother.
He thought he would never have to tell me the whole truth and could stop.
He was sexually abused as a child by many people. Didn’t learn any of this to recent. Doesn’t excuse what choices he made!
I’m having a hard time as one moral and value was faithfulness. I just don’t know if I can trust him again. He has destroyed me in every way possible!
He has had many online emotional affairs with women through out our marriage. (Emotional connections with them, sex on camera with them, thought about leaving us to meet up with them several times).
He has had sex with men over 25+ years. He has acted out every where imaginable-even in our bed when our 4 children were sleeping. I was away at training for work.
When I went away for work he cheated on me. When he traveled he had men in his hotel rooms setting up dating profiles.
He even took dick pictures and his computer was hacked and he paid a blackmailer for 2 years out of our retirement savings.
I have caught him with porn videos over years but he always minimized this. I have caught him in lies.
Honestly I feel he was an abusive husband emotionally, mentally and physically! He has always criticized me, never was there for health issues, didn’t support my tennis, didn’t support my career, acknowledged awards won, and he always put his family of origin first.
Visits to his family house (parents and siblings) never accepted me. I would discuss this and he felt I was making a mountain out of a molehill.
I know with everything that has gone down none of my memories with him are happy now.
We went to two marriage retreats. 2015 and 2021. Didn’t help as he wasn’t willing to change. As years of counseling never worked either! Most of our marriage!
He was condescending, rude, arrogant, selfish, self-centered in every aspect! Typical addict traits!
He wrote 14 pages of smut after leaving in 2021 blaming me for everything as he was in denial about his addiction. The things he wrote were all about my physical appearance. Obese without boobs, not good at oral sex, not passionate, terrible in bed, nipples in wrong place, etc…-I could go on and on as it was so damaging)!!!!
During our relationship in 2015 he said he was not sure he was in love with me. He wanted a divorce but wanted our 4 children to blame me.
He has taken women to dinner with hopes of having sex.
He joined 3 dating sites to find other women. He googled how to have an affair on your wife & come on lines to use. I found 13 years of his google history.
He acted out with women in porn theaters no penetration of intercourse but hands and fingers were everywhere.
He said looked at porn sites downloaded 100,000 pictures and 1,000 of videos. Saw child porn and got scared and deleted but followed people being arrested. Very sick mind!
He got out of my bed to act out with men in our neighborhood etc.
He did Russian roulette online many times.
When taking kids to activities he would drop them off and go to porn theaters and act out.
Lived apart in FL and NC where he acted out with men when apart. Driving up to see me stop at porn places in GA. When working up in NC stop on way home and act out. (2006-2011). He wasn’t intimate with me as you can imagine he was getting his fixed elsewhere!
He made me feel unworthy, unloveable, and not enough my entire marriage! Today so don’t feel that way!
I know he has been a true addict but I also know he made these choices and jeopardize my health and safety most of our relationship!
Our 4 kids worship him adults 31-36. He is their hero and they are so forgiving but they don’t know whole truth.
We haven’t had sexual intercourse or much intimacy. In 2011 was diagnosed with MS. Had ED problems & told me they gave him headaches and his heart raced. Couldn’t have sex!
Next 12 years continued to use several ED drugs to get it up to act out with men. He has kissed men a few times, tried anal sex 4 times but says couldn’t get it up.
In 2015 had unprotected sex and got a STD. I was tested early after finding out about his betrayals and was negative because we hadn’t been intimate due to his MS diagnosis.
Early in recovery as he was in denial still - He deflected a lot, justifying himself.
About six months ago I started to see changes as he got a new sponsor (4th one)…one he is really working the 12 steps with. He has found a great new therapist dealing with his childhood traumas but still has a long way to go. We attend marriage counseling again. I am attending counseling too and finally working on me (past CSAT always made it about him)!
I just don’t know if I can restore this relationship. There is many years of lying, abuse, and betrayal.
We recently went on a trip as I wanted to see if I felt a connection. I still trigger as he has objectified women for years in front of me.
His ability to help me heal is limited! He still has a lot work to do on himself and he may not be ready. How much time do I give him?
He has tried to respond to my impact statement. What he said was sincere but I felt he didn’t acknowledge all of my feelings!
I still think he is having a hard time…but for a man with no emotions I am starting to see some empathy. He has been emotionally dead.
We did a postnuptial and he left me everything to provide me financial security ( he doesn’t want me to end up like my mom). Plus he believes he can be the man he should have been and restore or rebuild a better and new relationship than we ever have had!
We use accountability software. He takes pictures of when he’s goes somewhere when he gets there and leaves! This was his choice not a boundary I set.
We moved to a new area where there are no porn places near.
We found a small community to get involved with through church and volunteer to give back! Positive changes. He is a lot more attentive than ever.
He wants to sexually intimate using protection as we talked to doctors about his STD. I’m not ready to engage in intercourse and he is willing to be patient. He knows it may take years! I am also afraid as we have not had intercourse decades!
I don’t know if I should stay or ask him to leave. Our adult children want us to stay together. I know it is not about them.
I am 62 years old and I gave him my virginity. He is 68 years old.
He claims in the past to fantasize about other women - what it would be like to be married to them or have sex with them. Now he says he only wants one women for the rest of his life and he never wants to go back to his old life
His therapist says acted out with men because of childhood trauma’s and lack of attention from his parents. This all makes sense.
With the women he was looking feel love and excitement of being wanted. He was engaged twice prior to me and both called off the relationship.
He wasn’t sexually active with women until college as he was nerdy, had a facial scar down side of his face which was devastating - he was picked on his whole life!
I am sure there is more I could write but you get just of his betrayal and his recovery where he is at now. Making amends . He goes to meetings daily and works his program.
I work my recovery as well and I am getting stronger but feel numb and question whether I can do this! I’m practicing self care more than ever as I used to put others needs before myself. Am a people pleaser and had a lot of self pity. No more as I have a great relationship with my higher power who loves and accepts me unconditionally!
Advice? Support? suggestions? ! Lock

Hi everyone I have had some troubles with vaganitis(?) and im 18 and too scared to ask my mom!
my symptoms:
-one swollen/red/inflamed inner labia lip -itchy vulva -strong smelling urine -unpleasant smell in general - I also have another symptom which is smega under the clitoral hood, but I don’t know how to treat it because i’ve always had problems with an overly sensitive clit and i cant clean it because the lightest touch hurts so bad someone please give me advice
(on a side note I used to get recurring utis but i don’t really get them anymore)
• i do have regular sexual intercourse I don’t know if thats relevant or not
DISCLAIMER: I am completely sure this is not an std or sti I am in a relationship and have been for almost 3 years and have never cheated and I promise everyone with full certainty that my boyfriend is completely loyal. He also has only slept with one other person (before we started dating) and since then we have both been tested for stds and stis and came back negative.
Any diagnoses?

I 20F have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 20M for five years. AGE 15-16 At the beginning, we had some difficulties as he disrespected me by involving himself with other girls, but he never cheated. He would promise that he was only "talking" to me (there were others), I found out he was calling another girl hot behind my back, He claimed to have ended communication with all the girls he had a past with, but he continued to talk to a few secretly. I had to confront the girls myself. He ignored my feelings and invalidated me, which made me resentful. In response, I sought revenge by hanging out with guy friends and flirting with them to make him jealous. Despite my self-sabotage, my boyfriend stuck with me and made a promise to stop talking to and befriending girls.
My boyfriend's family caused constant issues in our relationship. They would purposely disrupt our plans, talk negatively about me, and even showed up at my house uninvited to embarrass me to my family. They were abusive towards my boyfriend. One day AGE 18 , he got into a physical fight with his father and sought refuge at my house. We spent a lot of time planning our future and looking for a place to live together as he had a good job. However, his father called and convinced him to go back home. My mom warned him that if he left, he wouldn't be able to see me anymore. He chose to return to his abusive family without hesitation, leaving me heartbroken and disappointed. I couldn't comprehend why he would choose to stay with them after all our plans. It affected me so much that I became physically ill, unable to eat or get out of bed, I threw up every time I cried. During this difficult time, BF's best friend Bob came into the picture. Bob encouraged me to take care of myself and reminded me to do things. Although I didn't want to develop feelings for Bob out of respect for my ex-boyfriend, we ended up talking and dating briefly, we didn't have intercourse, but we got intimate. When my ex-boyfriend begged for me back, I left Bob and returned to my ex. At the time, my ex claimed he had gotten over the situation.
AGE 20, things were going well in our relationship until I discovered that my partner was allowing his friends to disrespect me and make dehumanizing jokes about me. He also befriended a girl behind my back, despite me asking him to block her; he did, then re added her. These two reasons led to our next breakup, and I made it clear that the only way I would consider getting back together was if we moved out. We both had good jobs and had discussed moving out multiple times before, but he always delayed it by “next month” for years. This time he appeared serious about it. However, he started coming up with excuses to postpone our plans. Initially, we agreed to move out in three months, but then he claimed we had another month to go, even though I had screenshots proving otherwise. I settled for waiting another month. He then started an online business around the time we were supposed to move out, causing another delay to financially recover. Additionally, his dad lost his job, and my ex-boyfriend started financially supporting his family, even though he had previously complained about not being able to afford living with me he was paying the same amount to take care of them. He asked me to wait for his dad to find a new job.
The combination of these excuses, along with other issues like his friends disrespecting me and the situation with his female friend, made me grow resentful and impatient. At the suggestion of my mom and friends, I joined a dating app but didn't meet up with anyone. I couldn't help comparing my ex-boyfriend to other men E.G “he has a worse job than you and he lives alone” “I could have probably gone through the same amount of trouble to be with someone and be moved out together by yesterday”. I lost it when he sent me a group picture with him right next to his female co-worker, whom he had promised to avoid. With all the pent-up resentment, I stopped talking to him and asked for space. I felt worthless and couldn't understand why he continued to disrespect me. I even cried to him about how I wanted to become someone worth choosing. Maybe if I built up the curves I lost to my recovering ED and made more money he would choose me? He decided to leave my life, citing past issues with Bob from 2 years ago (I wish he had communicated with me about this), my comparisons to other people, and my reaction to the picture of him next to his female coworker as reasons for ending the relationship.
After a month, he returned saying he wanted to be my last lover, claiming he no longer felt resentment. Despite my initial hesitation due to the way he left, I allowed him back into my life. We quickly became intimate, that was probably my biggest mistake. afterward, he told me his feelings had changed, he still loved me but not as much. He said he coped with missing emotions by being lustful. He wants to continue the relationship but cannot promise he will feel the same way again. I feel unsafe and know I cannot be my best self if this remains uncertain. Throughout the relationship, I never felt completely safe. I kept telling myself I probably would have been gone anyways since even if he didn't leave a month ago he wouldn't have moved out with me but truly deep down I know I would keep waiting. At some point I thought that it was a good thing that he left because I knew I never would. His family is still jobless.
I know it won't be easy and I am scared. I am worried he won't feel the same again, I am worried we won't be as devoted to one another. I am worried that I will become even less of a priority now that his love for me has diminished. Despite this, I want to stick by him and offer my support. I am no longer the type to seek revenge. If it was just him and I alone in this world everything would be okay. When things are good they are GOOD and when things are bad they are BAD.
TL;DR : BF 20M does not feel the same after all we have been through with family, other parties, moving, ect. I am seeking guidance on how to help my partner regain their feelings for me and whether it is time to move on.