حاسة رح يكون بوست غبي وما فيه منطق ولا اصلا هدف بس رح احكي لانه فش حد فاهم علي وتعبت من اني اعيط صراحة واشكي عالفاضي وصرت انسانة الحكي معها مستفز من كثر ما بتشكون بس ما في حلول غير انه vent to random people on the internet
okay so, i used to be good at studying. im not gonna go egotistical and ابلش جنون عظمة but ik im smart and i picked this major myself, during my first semester i got a rly high GPA and ik everyones gonna be like “oo its all bs during ur first semester cuz its rly ez etc” but thats not the case here rly during my first semester i had the ability to افصل بين الدراسة والمشاكل النفسية الخ but i can’t anymore. went from امتياز to now where i barely pass literally and i failed like 6-7 exams so far وبالموت وما بعرف كيف رح انجح الفصل هاد بخلي دراستي لاخر ساعات قبل الامتحان حرفيًا ومش قادرة اطلع من البيئة يلي بتسببلي هاي المشاكل او الاشخاص يلي مخربين عيشتي الفكرة انه therapy isn’t an option rn and ik i have alot of issue that have been affecting my ability to live like a functioning human being so i need tips from someone whos been thru this before… how do i deal with med school? كنت زمان بحكي ما عندي مشاكل ادرس طول عمري وعادي بس مش قادرة اتحمل فكرة انه كل حياتي رح تكون زي هيك وما بدي اسمع فكرة انه اوه حولي تخصص لانه المشكلة مش بالمواد والضغط بس، كله بقدر اتخمل لو حالتي النفسية منيحة او لو رحعت اقدر افصل بس المشكلة فيي انا شخصيًا وبالناس يلي بعرفهم
idk what to do ive been so so lost lately and i feel like idk who i am anymore, and idk but this double life thing has fucked my life over and idk how to get out of it cuz the ppl ik are like.. idk not safe and i tried to leave this shitty environment but i couldn’t ? ig and i wanna be able to live normally like before and study like before and all that.. im always always paranoid now and i feel like sb i know will do sth bad to me or use shit against me etc and idk if its true but meh STUDENTS who study a hard major how do u study, how do u have time to do other things? i need a detailed structured time blocking schedule that i can adhere to and fix my shit

Hi!
My PM is giving me a non-renewal and has kicked other tenants out ( I assume because she had a stack of these letters and half of the people in my part of the building are gone since receiving the letter in April)
I'm having a hard time finding an apartment. I trashed my credit due to bipolar disorder and constant job loss due to my illness. I have been in this cycle of paying them off when employed and running them up and becoming delinquent when unemployed. I admittedly listened to bad advice a couple of years ago at 24 to file for ch 7 as this isn't the first time I've been in financial ruin. so I now have a bankruptcy and a trashed credit score.
I also have the issue that I had to live with my sister due to illness and it was her first time renting and she wasnt good at paying her part so we had many times where the rent was late. I recently combed through our ledger and it seems as thought we had a running balance the entire 3 years (although, im not sure because the PM definitely said she was renewing this year because we were never late last year) There is also no way to see who paid what besides combing through bank statements.
ALSO my sister may have to live with me that may cause some problems. Our brother committed fraud in her name. He got evicted from an apartment in her name, ran up peoples gas, and comed. so her credit is wrecked and she won't even do anything about it!
But, The good thing is I have gotten a subsidy for those with mental illness, but my adverse credit/score is getting in the way with big companies. Is there anyone who can recommend companies ,private landlords etc who will rent to someone like me? NOTE: I used to work as a housing specialist for a similar subsidy and I know there are neglectful PM/landlords when people have subsidies. I don't remember what companies they used but I do know that I want to avoid Cagan as they were notoriously hard to get a hold of.
Is there someone you know of that will overlook credit/bk if they know the rent will be paid for an entire year? Also, I'm looking in Uptown, Edgewater, I may even go to rogers Park or West RP (these areas specifically because my sister goes to loyola and I was worried about the trains and coming back down to Lakeview and looking for more diversity) If there are any other neighborhoods that are easy to get to and from loyola as a woman safely and easily by public transit and diverse I would appreciate any suggestions!
I'm desperate a there is a time crunch of August 31st. It just always seems when things go right something goes wrong 😕 This is causing serious stress while trying to do graduate school myself and regaining how I used to feel prior to diagnosis with meds and extremely good therapy! I have realized the traps of credit and what NOT to do when manic to not have this happen again and working on keeping a job through crisis😊
*** sorry for the sloppiness typed fighting through ambien 🤣🤣
*** I am currently unemployed but looking for a job preferably that could pay for school as a current grad student as I'm running out of aid. or I am attempting to apply for SSI or AADB (if anyone knows any tips for this I would appreciate it as well!!!!)
Thank you for any of your help and advice, and guidance 🙏🏽 anything mentioned will be researched and pursued like a bloodhound 🤣

Table of Contents

1. tl;dr
2. Summary
3. Intro
4. 7 steps
   1. Omnivore
   2. 1 Fluid
   3. 2 Fuel
   4. 3 Fresh
   5. 4 Fat
   6. 5 Fruit
   7. 6 Veg
   8. 7 Snack
   9. Beyond AAD
5. Regimen
   1. Morning
   2. Between meals:
   3. Afternoon
   4. Travel
6. Details

tl;dr

Japanese women live the longest; traditional "ama" divers catch crustaceans by hand.
This inspired my chicken soup of the sea: rice, shrimp and mackerel.
Can you guess which causes the longevity?
PIC: How to tell when a shrimp is perfectly cooked
https://preview.redd.it/ioy13ankti5d1.jpg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f6561f8cd0dfa03e90f4fe35fa229651f459359e

Summary

Ama (海女, "sea women") are Japanese divers famous for collecting pearls, though traditionally their main catch is seafood.[1] The vast majority of ama are women.

An optimal diet should imitate the diet of the world's longest-lived people: Japanese women. What sets Japan apart from runners-up such as South Korea is high shrimp consumption.
Longevity is sexy:

• Tokyo Fish Market, 1964
• Japanese ama divers, with a diet primarily consisting of sea food, had impressive occlusions #mewtivation
• Japanese Ama divers, 1950s

I cut the seafood-rice diet down to the absolute minimum:

An elimination diet, also known as exclusion diet, is a diagnostic procedure used to identify foods that an individual cannot consume without adverse effects.

An optimal elimination diet follows the pattern of recovering from an upset stomach:

1. For fluid, drink hot water with a pinch of sea salt "tea".
2. For fuel, start with white rice congee. After #6 add brown rice, pre-soaked.
3. For fresh, have 50g frozen sea meat (shrimp) per day. The rest can be canned.
4. For fat, have a can of ocean fish (mackerel etc) per day. Watch the mercury.
5. For fruit, have a small orange with the plain rice (vit c).
6. For veg, lightly cook some spinach leaves with the shrimp (vit b).
7. For snack, have dried seaweed sheets and a handful of mixed tree nuts soaked overnight.

Take it one step at a time. These are sequenced in order of short-term priority to stay productive. Everything is low-FODMAPS except the nuts.
1-4 are like a healthier version of chicken soup: Both are high in methionine, salt and rice.
Methionine stops hunger. Eating less extends lifespan dramatically:

The exact manner by which calories are reduced changes across studies, but the animals’ calorie intakes are generally reduced by as much as half their normal levels. Depending on the species, the most promising results have shown lifespan extensions between 50 and 300%.

This diet can probably cut your calorie intake in half without trying, and your food budget as well.
A strong baseline makes it easy to detect harmful foods. You can thrive on just this, but why limit yourself? Establish a performance baseline, then introduce a new ingredient.

Intro

When I was a young man, I regarded cooking as a chore and simply wanted to eat healthy to gain muscle without wasting time. As a result, I ate a lot of Campbell's Chunky Soup and crackers. Not great for my sodium intake.
I sympathize with those who insist that a "minimum viable diet" should mean something simple and repeatable such as beef, potatoes and greens. Sounds great! If you're looking for lazy cooking, just learn some simple pressure cooker recipes. It does get more complicated than "throw tasty things in pot".
I might've continued as a culinary barbarian, had I not made some bad life choices, chief among which was taking a light course of Accutane, which is proven to cause Inflammatory Bowel Disease by aging epithelial stem cells. This caused my gut lining to gradually age, until I must now eat mush like an old man.
The struggle to find foods that didn't incapacitate me lead me to elimination diets and a journey into true minimalism, the meaning of which I hadn't appreciated before: not minimum cooking effort, but minimum digestive difficulty.
My eventual solution happened to align with the diet of the longest-lived people in the world – the Japanese. (Well, the women are longest-lived. The men work and drink themselves to death.) Apparently, the secret to their longevity is eating a lot of shrimp and rice. White rice is considered hypoallergenic, and shrimp induces satiety via methionine, permitting calorie restriction.
Doctors have been unable to label my condition with any specific diagnosis, despite extensive tests and endoscopy. So I believe my solution is generalizable to those without specific problems, who nonetheless find themselves plagued with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS).
The less energy the gut must spend on digestion, the more energy the brain has to focus productively. Ancestral hunter gatherers could afford to lie around after a big meal; office workers not so much.
Even healthy people may be interested in the productivity benefits of easy digestion. Soylent is popular for this reason. The aquatic ape diet is healthier, easier to digest, and much cheaper.
Soylent costs about $225 per month. In a typical day I eat:

• for fuel, 4 handfuls of unenriched rice = 43g * 4 = 173g = 621 calories = .50 USD
• for fresh, a handful of frozen organic shrimp = 52g = 52 calories = 7.70 RMB = 1.06 USD
• for fat, 200g canned mackerel (or similar) = 312 calories = 6.5 RMB = .9 USD
• for fruit, small oranges sell for about a dollar each, so $2 for two = 90 calories
• for veg, spinach costs $2 and lasts 10 days, so .20 USD = 14 calories
• total calories = 1089
• $total = 4.66 USD daily * 30.4 days = $142 per month

As you can see, the AA baseline diet is slightly more expensive per calorie, but higher satiety so one eats less. If cost is a concern, you can easily cut to one small orange per day, dropping the price to $111 per month. Or replace oranges entirely with a vitamin c pill, which costs under 10 cents per dose. Then the cost would be $84 per month.
Most people don't want to eat minimally, and that's fine. However, those who hate cooking can keep the minimal ingredients at home, then indulge at restaurants. Or travel with Soylent and never miss a meal.

7 steps

Omnivore

Humans are omnivores. Thus a proper minimal diet will consume both plants and animals. Among mammals, even herbivores are usually opportunistic carnivores. Compensating for pure vegetarianism or carnivory complicates things considerably, as icebound Eskimos and smooth-brained koala vegans demonstrate.
Given omnivory, a minimal diet has three major requirements:

1. Fuel: either eat enough carbs and fat, or burn your own fat.
2. Fresh: for volatile water-soluble vitamins and animal protein.
3. Fat: for fat-soluble vitamins and well-being.

These are listed in order of priority.
One can get water-soluble vitamins from lightly-cooked meat, if one eats the right animals or organs in sufficient quantities. However, it is usually easier to get them from fruits and vegetables.

1 Fluid

The Romans paid legionnaires in sea salt, leading to the expression, "Worth his salt". Without sea salt, humans develop goiters.
During a severe IBS episode, you often stop eating. That is fine, humans can fast for weeks. Just drink sea salt "tea" until your gut calms.
This staves off dehydration, but gets quite hungry. When ready to rise and cook, proceed to the next step. Until then, have a toothpick and relax. (Chewing on something is a good way to stop eating.)

2 Fuel

The first step of recovery is to have some bland white rice congee. It is usually the easiest thing to digest. (If not, try soaking or pick another grain.) Starch fuel prevents starvation, conserving body fat on skinny chronic IBS sufferers. You need enough calories to stay active.
Put a 1-2 handfuls of rice and generous water into the pressure cooker, then cook until congee.
Plain white rice does get boring. So alternate white with brown rice. Brown rice has insoluble fiber, which is hardest to digest. So start with just a pinch of brown rice in white, which will change the flavor of the pot enough to fool your brain. If you can tolerate insoluble fiber, then increase the ratio. Gas is a key sign you can't.
If you're constipated, increase the ratio of brown rice. Fiber keeps you regular.

3 Fresh

The next step is to consume healthy fresh meat. The healthiest sea meat is shrimp. Just a handful will induce satiety via methionine. Briefly auto-warm them in the pressure cooker until they curl into a c-shape, not o. (This is safe, because saltwater shrimp parasites can't transfer to freshwater hosts.) Eat the shrimp before cooling, and save the broth for the next rice pot.
Wild meat is healthier than farmed, and saltwater is healthier than terrestrial. Humans are primarily a littoral species, even today. Our hairlessness is an aquatic adaptation (hippos, elephants); chimps can't swim. Our other closest relative, the pig, is semi-aquatic like us, and shares many anatomical features such as nose shape and eye color. Pigs, not chimps, are the main animal source for organ transplants into humans.

4 Fat

Fat is the second hardest to digest, but the most rewarding. It's what puts a smile on your face and heat in your extremities. Fat soluble vitamins degrade slowly, so canned food is fine. Mackerel is incredibly cheap and delicious. At 13% fat, it is sufficient but not overwhelming to weak guts. The bones are easy to eat around. Save the broth for the next rice pot.
Watch the toxin accumulation. Maximum is 200g mackerel per day, due to arsenic. Try alternating with other fish, such as tuna, sardines and salmon.
If you have fat malabsorption, try putting cholestyramine powder in the rice pot preceding the fatty meal, and look into UDCA. Eating fat is essential to enjoy life. Hence the expression, "Fat and happy."

5 Fruit

Fruit poses two digestive challenges: fructose and insoluble fiber. We can dilute the former and minimize the latter.
Apples have lots of insoluble fiber, making them chewy. Oranges have little, making them juicy.
Fruit is full of concentrated sugar, and the fructose in particular can irritate weak guts. Sugar provides short term energy. Thus an orange complements a pot of white rice congee.
By itself, the congee is bland starch, which provides long-term energy and filling comfort. Eat the orange as appetizer, then the congee as main course. Having this twice per day is a treat.

6 Veg

Vegetables contain even more insoluble fiber than fruit. One solution is to cook them to mush, but this destroys their b-vitamins, the main reason to eat them.
The solution is to use a soft vegetable that can be eaten raw and is high in vitamin b. Parsley and spinach both work, and go nicely with shrimp. Just throw them both into the pot on auto-warm at the same time.

7 Snack

With diets, cheating is always a danger, so one should try to fulfill cravings with healthy snacks. Dried seaweed have the salt, crunch and complex flavor to satisfy the potato chip craving. A handful of mixed tree nuts soaked overnight satisfies the desire for something more substantial, and puts the pot to good use.

Beyond AAD

Congratulations, you've completed the Aquatic Ape diet! Now you can add whatever works for you.
Having a strong baseline means it's easy to tell when something makes you feel worse. Similarly, being malnourished makes it easy to tell when you eat something that was previously missing. Malnourishment is not a pleasant baseline, so I recommend the former!
I'm sure you're eager to get to the steak and potatoes. The Weston Price Foundation has many great recipes for healthy indulgence.

Regimen

Morning

1. handful of unenriched white rice, pressure cooked to congee, eaten before cooling to avoid resistant starch. Small orange appetizer first.
2. clean pot and dish
3. 200g of wild-caught organic canned fish (no additives)
4. in leftover broth, pressure cook longer a handful of white rice with pinch of organic tricolor brown rice (to fool blandness perception)
5. clean pot and dish

Between meals:

• chew on a toothpick to distract from hunger
• pinch of sea salt in hot water

Afternoon

1. handful of unenriched white rice, pressure cooked to congee, eaten before cooling to avoid resistant starch. Small orange appetizer first.
2. clean pot and dish
3. handful of spinach and handful of wild-caught saltwater shelled shrimp (no additives) auto-heated to c-shape, not o-shape (that's overdone)
4. in leftover broth, pressure cook longer a handful of white rice with pinch of organic tricolor brown rice (to fool blandness perception)
5. clean pot and dish

The shrimp induces satiety for intermittent fasting.

Travel

Travel is tough. Suggestions welcome. Here's what I've got:

• bring toothpicks and sea salt
• buy hot white rice and water
• dry foods: pemmican, jerky or Soylent
• wet meat: canned fish, steamed shrimp
• vit b & c: spinach, lemon juice, small oranges

Details

Continued here due to length.

A few of you might have seen me floating about on this subreddit over the last month. I had the same story told here so many times before, account suspended (May 7th) due to a linked instagram breaking the rules that wasn't mine and doesnt appear to exist on instagram. Today I finally received some recovery emails which allowed me to get back into my account. I don't know for definite what finally did it because I tried so many different things, there are a few I can say definitely didn't work so I'll just list them all below as I know some of these have worked for various other people:

• Email [support@fb.com](mailto:support@fb.com), [appeals@fb.com](mailto:appeals@fb.com), [disabled@fb.com](mailto:disabled@fb.com) and the escalations mailbox. I am certain this is a complete waste of time but it's a route to try none the less
  
• Contacted my MP. They were very helpful and were looking into it but then unfortunately a general election was called so this route went no further. My local MP is a Tory so is highly likely to be out in July so it never would have evolved beyond that
  
• Complained to the ICO. They did nothing for a month and then told me they don't handle impersonation fraud cases, regardless of how much data has been lost. This I think was the biggest waste of time of the lot, but supposedly they have helped other people
  
• The EU form via VPN. I filled this in about 100 times and it got to the point where they stopped even sending me responses telling me to go away and just let the tickets close unanswered. I have heard of people getting back in this way but it's extremely hit and miss so definitely try but don't get your hopes up
  
• Complained to the facebook data protection officer and told them I wanted all the photos back off my hacked account. They told me as my account had been disabled I could basically go f myself. I replied with the (as of then still open) ICO reference but I doubt they read it
  

WHAT I THINK WORKED:
I sent a letter addressed to Meta Legal at their Ireland offices about a week after the hacking using a pre action letter template on Money Supermarket, demanding access to the account as it had been suspended through no fault of my own. I also attached the IP logs you can download from the suspension page as they showed the account had been accessed from China and Vietnam when it had been taken down so it obviously wasn't me. I waited a week after delivery and heard nothing, so I sent a second letter
This time rather than addressing it to Meta Legal I just addressed it to Meta Ireland. Rather than using the template I set out clearly that as I was a UK citizen the UK Consumer Rights Act applied and this contains protections for Consumers who sign Digital Service Agreements (Including Terms of Service) which Meta had breached by disabling my account when I hadn't violated the terms of service. I told them I would accept the reinstatement of my account in order to avoid court action
Four days after delivery (today) I got a 2fa text and an email saying the email address on my account had been changed, and the usual option to select "this wasn't me". I pressed that and lo and behold the "we think you've been hacked" email came through and I was able to get back in and secure the account
It looks like despite disabling my account, the hackers were still able to run thousands of pounds in dodgy crypto currency ads for the whole time the account was down. This only goes to show how bad Meta's cyber security is as by taking the account down they took it away from it's rightful owner whilst still allowing the criminals open access to do as they please. It's crazy. I have also had access to facebook ads restricted by the look of it
Anyway, best of luck to anyone in a similar situation. You can get it back but the only way to do so is absolute persistence. They will not make it easy for you. And finally , F--- Facebook!

This person was very interested in science stuff right from his childhood but have always been a little bit lazy in working hard and studying. But he is a gifted guy so throughout school, he didn't have to put in so much hardwork. In coaching, he did study full hours and got into one of the first gen IITs. He dropped out (stopped giving exams) when COVID break started. I'm guessing he was afraid of failing exams because he didn't study for that semester because of staying at home. He started thinking that his brain is not working. He didn't tell this to their parents until two and half years later. Their parents being old, didn't check upon him until they got to know from one of his concerned friends who was trying to reach to him.
I'm his sibling, myself a student of a different first-gen IITs, get extreme panick attacks when thinking about his future and his mental health. I am reaching out for help over here. I don't know how to talk to him and get him out of his fear. He has so much potential. What I'm worried about is not the potential and not the future. I'm worried about how much anxiety he's going through and how much he's avoiding it. And at some point, it's gonna hit him. I'm afraid of what might happen then. I want to help him out of his state and unwind the anxiety slowly. I don't care if he goes back to college. I know he has enough potential to get his life together without being an iitian. But I want him to get out of his fear loop. I love him and this is taking a toll on me so hard.
About our communication: We both are very shy when it comes to talking about our emotions. More like impulsive. Before I get the ability to speak, I cry. And when I cry, the communication just doesn't happen anymore. He before he gets the ability to speak, he either gets anxious or angry and closes off. So it's kinda terrible.
I want to try counseling (for full family if possible) but my dad I don't think believesin mental health and I don't think will invest money into it. Rather than counseling, they are ready to get some extremely costly shock treatments just mentioned by a random psychologist after 3 sessions (I know! Fucking stupid) .
I'm open to suggestions. I am willing to get over the shyness/awkwardness of the talks but I just want something just right to say. because otherwise, he might close off again and I don't want that to happen..
PS.. I think I should change the flair from education to vent

IDK, I'm not really great at write-ups, unsurprisingly I'm kind of awkward.
But yeah, introducing myself:
I'm a 23 year old dude, born and bred in London, I currently work in education while pursuing a degree (a bit on the older side for that I know, but it's kind of a restart for me as I droppped out of school when I was 16 due to family issues).
I'm generally a fairly reticient person, I don't usually talk much but I like to chat freely with those I'm close to. I like working out, books, cats, the outside, learning, playing cards, eating good food yadayadayada...
Things I'd say are good about me - I'm well mannered, steady tempered and fairly reliable, I tend to be horribly open so ask me questions but please don't ask too many.Things I might self-critique - I'm not the most observant, I can have a bit of a short attention span, I tend to be a bit chaotic and disorganised.
Laying the cards up, I'd say I can be a bit of a dull person, when I'm in a relationship I do like to do things and try new things, but on my own I'm honestly just as happy sitting at home reading a book as I would be surfing on the waves. Not really a loud lights and noises type guy either, I can go to a party and have fun but wouldn't go to one unless someone asked me along. Don't drink either. On the upside, I am generally down for just about anything (any activity that is, I avoid most drugs) and am not the type to say no often.
What I'm looking for:
I don't really know, I haven't been in many relationships, and none of them really during a particularly stable part of my life.
Been fairly solitary for the last couple of years, which isn't really much of an issue for me, I'm a fairly introverted person, but it'd be nice to have someone to do things with, keep company, enjoy time together etc.
I believe every relationship is about making a friend who you can truly connect with heart to heart. Someone I can trust, who I can rely on, who I like like to be around and so on.
Obviously I'm looking for something IRL, but not expecting to dive headfirst into anything. I want someone who I can take things slow with, get to know each other without judgement or impatience, be that someone who's there for you on the days that all you want to do is spend time with someone you like, and yknow, let it develop over time.
A couple of things I don't like is people who are flakey and aren't honest or straightforward. I can appreciate all kinds of personality traits, but people who just waste your time or pull you through an emotional kaleidoscope are my nightmare.
Not to say I don't get that there are different ways things can go, sure I could be dating you for a week, two weeks or a month etc. and one of us could decide that we want different things, but I want someone who can be honest and direct about that.
Basically one of the things I value most is people who can be straightforward, and always be upfront and forward about their expectations, feelings and emotions.
Wow, I really rambled on over that last part, hope I don't sound bitter or weirdly aggrieved, I just found it's something that's best to be laid out from the start in my shallow experience in relationships. I want someone who I can always be upfront and straightforward and vice versa, I think it engenders the kind of communication that is at the heart of any good relationship.
Besides that obviously I want the general things, someone who's kind, caring, well tempered, and so and so but really I'd say I get to like individuals as the people they are holistically rather than based of specific traits (fluck, that sounds kind of pretentious doesn't it?) anways, I'm never really sure how to conclude a piece of writing unless it's an essay (I lie, I'm not really good at concluding those either), so I just tend to ramble on a bit... besides that I just checked the posting rules for this sub and it says 300 characters not 300 words, so I'm just going to end this here.

Hey. I'm a long time Train watcher and I made a reddit account just to post this.
I'm personally not a tech guy and know absolutely nothing, but I have no reason to believe the information I have is false. In fact, it's probably as authentic as I could imagine it to be coming from the gambling industry.
I went to school ~20 years ago with a guy who I recently met at a summer activity. We ended up chatting and I found out he worked for a game operator for a decade, working on back-end of online slots and even leading an entire team for a time. He quit during covid and has since moved on to other things meaning he's not affiliated with anyone, so I instantly thought of Train's gambling adventures and saw my opportunity to ask any questions I could squeeze in. He was kind enough to reciprocate.
Now he hasn't worked in the industry for a few years, so some things could've changed, but he believes the main principles are still the same.
I believe I learned how slots work for real, and no, there's no tricks to win. However what I learned I haven't heard before, so I'm assuming most people don't know half of it. One thing is for sure, slots don't work the way Train thinks and I think re-wiring his brain would benefit him so much to last longer.
Before I explain, keep in mind Stake originals don't work like this. They're provably fair games and different, the entire idea being you get generated a seed that you stay on until you change it, and they don't even use RNG. Stake has an article on this on their website. Regular slots operate under RNG.
So with that out of the way, components to online slots:
Game Server - the brains. handles everything including RNG, network activity and balance. Typically a physical desktop computer. There are many of them, and different slots from the same provider can use the same one.
Load Balancer - acts like traffic control, sends you to one of the servers when you open a game and ensures servers won't be overloaded.
True RNG - a piece of hardware installed into the server. Generates actual random numbers based on something like white noise.
Pseudo RNG - deterministic algorithm, a software. Gives us numbers that the slots then use to generate results.
Apparently implementations can differ, but the core idea is always the same.
Ideally, they would use the True RNG for every single spin we make because that's actually random. But it's too slow, and that's why they have to use a Pseudo RNG that's as fast as you need it to be. However, it's deterministic, meaning if you ran it from beginning to the end and make a graph, it would always end up doing the same thing, and naturally, could be exploited.
So what they do to counter this is they use the True RNG to "seed" the Pseudo RNG. So seeding exists, but it's not at a player or account level. It's literally the software itself that gets seeded.
What they can do as well, is use another Pseudo RNG to seed it further, by using a string of things such as stake, currency, server time and date.
What's more, is that this process actually occurs quite often to increase randomness. So if you play a slot for an hour, you've been on multiple seeds.
Now it's all just numbers, and there's no concept of good or bad, and different slots use different numbers for results. This is why slots will never make sense. You can play a particular game and be on a disgusting run of losing for hours, ie. repeatedly get "bad" seeds. You can also play a slot for 2 hours and it just keeps paying, repeatedly getting "good" seeds. But there's no math to it in the short-term. Seed won't turn good just because the last one was bad. And because different slots use different numbers, that bad seed could've been good on another game.
Even if you believe none of this, thinking there's 1 seed in general makes no sense since you're playing different servers. Server A doesn't have anything to do with Server B. Then you would have to think you have your own seed on every single one of them.
You can actually find out what server you're playing by opening up browser console, network tab and clicking on your spin and checking the IP address.
They can store your information in a cloud, like your game history, but this has nothing to do with the RNG. They need this information to be able to double check results if need be and provide replays, or in specific games save your progress if there's a progressive feature. So if your info is reset, again it's not "a seed reseted".
I didn't fully understand this part, but apparently other players playing on the same server (regardless of slot) affects game results as well, since they're cycling through variables. Again, I don't know how this precisely works, but I didn't want to pry too much.
However, when they simulate the RTP for a slot, the simulation is done on an isolated server. Meaning the simulation will get everything the RNG gives it, good or bad. If max win numbers line up next, the simulation will get it. Wins and losses aren't (unevenly) divided amongst people if that makes sense. This is why after a certain amount of spins the RTP starts to stick, and eventually when you do billions of spins quantity takes over and the math hardly changes even if the simulation hits back-to-back max wins. So the simulation is reliable, just not really reflective of real gameplay since there are less variables.
I think that's pretty much it.
How all this applies to Train's usual habits:

• Every stream Train does the same thing, sit on a slot that's doing bad, spend 2M to get back 800k then it goes cold again. Wondering how it doesn't make sense. But if you remember what I said earlier, at this point he would've gone through multiple seeds already! So it actually makes perfect sense that the math in this short-term session doesn't add up. Same can work the other way around too. "Hot Fiesta seed" wasn't a seed, but multiple good ones back-to-back-to-back-to-back meaning it was a good idea to stay in it as long as it kept going.

Yeah sometimes it can turn if a slot is doing bad and you sit on it, but the wins aren't based off of previous losses. So I think Train should chase the slots that do something good, rather than chase wins on a slot that's doing bad. Sitting on slots that are eating hand you by far the biggest losses the fastest.

• Same provider is shit regardless of slot and it doesn't make sense. I think we've heard this before. But remember, slots aren't RNG. If you're playing games on the same server that's all that matters. If multiple servers are not doing well at the same time, and many of the games are re-skins and probably use similar numbers for results, it's actually pretty likely you'd get fucked on many games from the same operator.
  
• Forget common sense. If you've read this far, it's pretty clear slots are just right place at the right time. I think Train's biggest detriment is trying to make sense of everything. He's of course doing this because he's a smart guy, but If he can get rid of this mentality, pull the plug earlier if it's not working, and push it when it is, then I think he could stream a lot more.
  

That's all for me. I felt like it was worth getting this out there if it helps anyone.

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I didn’t know if I should put this as rant/vent or school/career, but given that this feels more emotional than anything I guess it’s more appropriate to call it a vent. Sorry if formatting is weird I’m on the app! !!!TW: suicide attempt mention!!!
I’m a very goal-oriented person. I’ve always had goals and big dreams and those goals are what have always kept me going. Achieving my goals is one of the most important things to me, it’s my purpose in life. I’m just terrified that this is going to make it too hard for me to actually reach those goals. I know, I know “as long as you try your best that’s all that matters” and yeah I will try my best, but I HAVE to succeed. I want to finish out my BS in psychology, go on to get my PsyD (and I might have to get my MS in clinical psychology before that) and eventually get my MS in psychopharmacology. I have one year of my BS finished, and due to how much my hEDS progressed within the last year I really felt the exhaustion hit and I made some C’s for the first time despite trying so hard. I just couldn’t stay awake enough to study or I had to take more sick days than I wanted because my fatigue was so bad. Like, if I’m in pain I’ll still go to class I don’t care. I’ll make one of my friends carry me, and they’ll do it. However, when I’m fatigued I can’t. I’d fall asleep in class even if I tried not to and that’s rude (especially because I know I snore..). I’m still feeling really discouraged following this last semester because of the two C’s I got. This was just my first year of higher education, and I might have to keep going for up to 8 more years after this plus intern and most PsyD programs have a year or two of residency. I’m so passionate about what I want to do. I really am, and it would kill me to not go all the way and get the full education I want. I really want to specialize with teens, too, because there aren’t many psychologists that really focus on teenagers. Usually it’s either younger kids or adults and teens are kind of overlooked or stereotyped when in reality many are struggling with a lot more than just teen angst (I know from experience). I slipped through the cracks when it came to my mental health in my teen years. So did my very best friend and it nearly killed her. And when it nearly killed her our senior year of HS I had to stay on FaceTime with her and try to talk her down while my mom called emergency services for me so she wouldn’t take her own life. She had struggled for years and she tried to get help but it was never adequate. I remember feeling like her psychologist at the time was overlooking stuff (from what she had told me) and I remember wanting to find him and tell him to look into something more because her treatment plan wasn’t working and she was going downhill and he seemed to just keep upping her dose and doing the same type of therapy instead of trying something new. Something catered to a traumatized and depressed teenage girl. From what she told me he seemed desensitized, and no one deserves that when they’re getting help. They deserve to feel like the person on the other side is passionate. The night she was admitted to the ward, I was sad because she is like a sister to me, but I was also MAD because I felt like she had been failed. And this is too common. That’s when that fire and passion for my goal truly got to the point where I felt like I HAD to succeed. And I love learning every day. There are other parts of psychology that make me mad, too, and that passion comes again and I want to create change. I have to get a pretty powerful position if I want to be a change, and a PsyD is a shot to that.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I have the passion, a love for learning, and the intelligence (I used to win state level psychology-knowledge competitions against college students when I was in HS)! However, having hEDS is really scaring me. I’m scared the stress of school is only going to make it progress faster, and I’m scared that it will limit me. Man, I’m crying as I type this up. Thanks to anyone who made it this far. I just needed to get it off of my chest to some people who understand how exhausting and painful hEDS (and any subtype of EDS) can be. Love you guys.

For a bit of background, I (21m) have been with my boyfriend (19m) for over a year now. He moved in with me last July, and we have been nothing but content with one another since. It started kind of slow, with us talking to each other December 2022, and our relationship went crazy from there. I love this man with my whole heart, and he loves me. But we are totally different, he is the sweetest, kindest guy who will try to do anything to appease anyone. I am the opposite (I'm not mean by any means, but I'm blunt). I don't sugarcoat anything, I am straight to the point, and I try not to beat around the bush.
Since he has moved in with me, his mom has made snarky, harsh comments on my livelihood, my personality and who I am as a person. Lately, this has been getting much worse since his mom just met someone back in November and literally married her Friday. The first interaction I had with his mom was her calling at 3pm (at the time, my boyfriend was working night shift, not getting home til 4am), so naturally he chose to sleep in. I was woken up to her screaming and cussing him out on the phone for sleeping in... And this was a slight argument between her and me because she woke me up too, and she had no right to call her son screaming and cursing him out for sleeping in.
Moving on to a month after that interaction, she started showing up out of nowhere (his family lives 2 hours away from us, so she was making an appoint to come up on his days off without notice to see him - wrecking any plans we had). Eventually, him and I got tired of it and when we confronted her about at least giving us a notice, she started threatening to kill herself...
Fast-forward to January, my boyfriend and I went on a trip with my family to Florida. It was completely paid for by my grandmother and my aunt, and his mom had nothing good to say about it. She insisted that I'm spoiled rotten and I get everything I want (I don't, this was literally a treat). We went to Florida because my aunt and grandfather passed away just a little bit before and left her and my aunt everything they owned, so in remembrance of them - we took a trip which I invited my boyfriend.
When we got back from our trip, I decided to take off from work since I have saved up a lot of money to pay my way through school to get my accounting degree.... And oh boy did his mom not like this.. Ever since I chose not to work to instead take on 5-6 classes, she has been nothing but nasty to me and about me. For the past few months she has said that I have been using her son for money, I'm a mooch, I'm lazy, I don't work worth of shit, I'm terrible, I'm abusive, etc. You name it, any insult under the sun she's said about me to him. I've tried to keep my cool about it, venting to him about how much his mom hates me and what she says isn't right. Did she forget he is living under my roof?! I door dash on the side for extra income, but I've said money since high school so I could go to college. It's always been my dream to focus on my education and studies and not worry about working a crappy dead end job.... I've told him to tell her numerous times that I don't use him for money, if anything he still owes me over a grand for me covering his expenses when he moved in with me!
Last month, she and her new fiance decided to invite him, and only him, out to lunch. I ended up getting so upset over this because I wasn't invited to an event that should've included me, and I have been with my boyfriend much longer than she's even known this woman. I ended up asking her if she has a problem with me because I wasn't invited, and she just assumed I knew I was invited (I think she deliberately didn't invite me because she doesn't like me...) It's not just the lunch invite that says this, it's the fact she's only says negative things about me, she tells him I am abusive, if she contacts me it's because she wants something from me. God forbid she texts him wanting something, she's told her son that she would kill herself if he didn't send her money.... What kind of mother.... Anyways, onto yesterday.
It got bad yesterday. I decided to try to call, and I was responded with voicemail. I wasn't mad at this point, her wife (they got married the day after I mentioned I am going to propose to my boyfriend, it's like she was trying to one up me?!) said to me that I need to work and focus on school, and I told her, "what I need to do is do what I want to do and what's best for me, not what you and his mom keep saying for me to do!" I ended up telling her if they don't fk finance or feed me than they need to stop trying to have a vote in my life because I have done nothing but support and help their son, and they have done nothing but talk crap about me... Oh this went so bad. After saying that (which, no I did not cuss her out. The only curse word I said was that saying of fk feed finance), she went ballistic. She started cursing me out, going off on me. I have never ever read so many curse words, but after she said they don't say "shit" about me this is when I got mad. After all the cursing and name calling she did, I said "say it with your fking chest." It ended up with her going off on me even more, and I told her wife to go fk herself, I don't have to put up with this. Blocked her. His mom started calling him, screaming and cursing at him that I cursed her wife out and that I'm abusive, he needs to break up with me and get out of this "toxic" relationship. I tried to call his mom once I cooled down, and I sent my boyfriend the messages because that isn't what happened whatsoever!! I texted his mom saying she needs to get her facts right, and if she's going to talk shit about me she needs to have something other than lies to stand behind. It didn't go over to well with her, and no I didn't curse her out either (because why would I? I have more self respect than to drop to their level of petty and hurtfulness!!) I have been trying so hard to be good to his mom, but I have absolutely had it with the bashing and name calling and everything else she has been putting me through....
Tonight, when he got off of work, we talked about what was happening. He agrees with me, and is going to be distancing her out of his life for a little bit... I told him that she is only hurting herself and her relationship with her son.... And that I have the final say in what she gets to be apart of, hell she won't be invited to our wedding if she doesn't apologize and make this right. And I have every right to exclude her from any events with her son because it's him and me, and she isn't going to treat me like a 2nd class citizen....
I don't know what's going to happen, but I have tried so hard to be sweet and kind to his mom. After a certain point, I can't take it anymore. I am just glad I had the texts of her and her wife cussing me out and calling me all those terrible names! And after all that, they told him I better apologize. This is such a mess, but if he loves me he'll stand by my side. And if he doesn't, I'll help him pack his bags to go home. But I'm not going to be treated like garbage, and I shouldn't have to put up with the insults, the harassment, the petty comments, all the bs she has been dishing out at me this past year.... I'm done.
Would I be the asshole if I want him to have an ultimatum with how his mother treats me? I feel that I am getting to the point of not being able to handle this anymore.

For context I’m a 20 year old man, I currently weigh 359 lbs and im the heaviest ive ever been, ive always been fat, throughout all of school i was “the fat kid” i didnt come from a healthy family, both of my parents worked full time growing up so we often had takeout to save time. This has been my lifestyle for as long as i can remember, i always hated vegetables as a kid and never grew out of it, although ive got a small handful of veggies i can eat, i wouldnt particularly say i like them, when making or ordering food its just easier to go without you know? Anyways, with that being said, my self esteem is about as low as it can get, my confidence has steadily dropped throughout school and now I’m at a point where i dont even really talk to anyone, and always wear big baggy clothes, even when its super hot. Looking back, i was a very easily fixable weight back in high school, but since i got a job ive gained a lot, I still live at home and dont pay much for rent, so i have a fair amount of disposable income, all this does is cause me to spend it all on food, bc of that i always end up running out of money not even half way into the month.
This is a problem that has caused me to be in all sorts of states of depression so obviously im sick of it. Ive tried losing weight more times than i can count, i even had weekly meetings with a dietitian at one point, but no matter what i do or how I approach it, it always ends up going the same.
•feel super motivated to lose weight •delete all food related apps •go shopping for healthy food •start going to the gym and eating healthier •track my calories
This all lasts for a few weeks at best, then i start losing motivation, either life stuff comes up and i can’t focus, or i just straight up get bored, i think a big thing is snacking, theres no way for me to get home from work where i dont walk past a shop, i always end up going in for snacks, i also finish work late which makes going to the gym annoying, but at the same time i dont like going beforehand because i dont want to be too tired. I work monday to friday but even if i were to go on the weekend, it probably wouldnt be enough, plus i dont even really know what to do in the gym, ive asked people before but only people who are in shape and have never been in my position, do i just do cardio? Are weights even gonna help at this point? I like the gym, i feel good after i leave, but building up the will to get there is the hard part. I know people say discipline is important, but i have no discipline, how do i even get discipline? Recently ive developed a kind of “i dont care about anything” kind of mindset, and i feel like the fact that I’ve acknowledged that i have that mindset makes it even harder to get out of it.
Essentially, i need help, i want to be better, i dont want to die before my parents do, i dont know what to do, i feel like ive been told so many different things that didnt help, im praying theres someone put there who has been through a similar thing who can give me some good advice. Thank you.

At the typical age of around 12/13, I developed feelings for both the same and opposite gender. Feelings that were generally more about physical attributes, not someone's personality, leaning more towards boys my age. However, it was very difficult for me to find out if what I felt was physical attraction or admiration. There's a difference between the two. Do I like them because I want to be them, or cause I want to be with them?
C2 [U1] attraction - Cambridge Dictionary the feeling of liking someone, especially sexually, because of the way they look or behave:
B2 admiration - Cambridge Dictionary to respect and approve of someone or their behaviour.
Considering I didn't quite know what to do with these feelings, and how to interpret them, I decided to bury them deeply. And as a result, avoided intimacy altogether, strengthened by anxiety to confront these feelings if and when they resurfaced. Moreover, I had to determine what weighed heavier. The burden of carrying all the prejudice, or living an inauthentic life. In theory I could've started a relationship with a girl at this age, but stalling self-acceptance can alter your self image and confidence, as well as your ability to open up, perhaps leading you to avoid intimacy completely. There's many psychological factors at play for wanting to avoid it. If you're not comfortable with what you are, people can choose to avoid intimacy altogether - as was the case in my situation. Not because I wasn't attracted to them, but because I couldn't be transparent. I wasn’t even honest with myself, let alone someone else.
REACTION FORMATION:
Because of wanting to get rid of certain feelings, I exposed myself to as much anti-Igbtq sentiment as possible. I created friendships strengthened by our shared disapproval of this movement, using derogatory words like 'f*g', 'homo' and 'gay' (in a negative sense) almost daily. Additionally, I frequently used 'kanker' (meaning cancer) as a hurtful adjective before these words, a common practice in the Netherlands. I took down pride flags sometimes. I stated conversion therapy works.
Looking back, you could see this as a form of reaction formation or projection. Reaction formation is a psychological phenomenon used to manipulate people into thinking something about you that's contrary to what your feelings truly contain. Projection is sometimes fuelled by jealousy & envy, towards someone who already has something that you don't, in my case; the environment & self-acceptance to be who they wanted to. Not to say all anti-Igbt people are closeted, as suggested by author Dan Savage, that's just taking it to the extremes again. But, in my case specifically, these psychological tools were intended to sketch a different image of myself to outsiders, almost like a form of deception to protect me from prejudice, even if temporary.
I expressed my disapproval of gay and bisexual people in certain awareness lessons we had in college. Not just that, but individuals that did choose to be transparent about their sexuality, I slandered verbally during college and high-school, either in their face directly or without their knowledge. I had done this for roughly 8 years. Out of fear of not being taken as seriously in social settings, or being harmed physically or verbally. This wasn't because I hated what I was. I didn't. This was a protective mechanism.
There were a couple of times where this façade was almost breached. It genuinely felt like everything came crumbling down. Heartrate skyrocketing, inflammation of my skin, dizziness and confusion. Moments like those definitely show the subconscious significance. This is a prime example of how suppression and reaction formation cannot change what you truly are. This was only a handful of times though, I had done a great job of pushing this artificial version of me to outsiders. Perhaps to a point where it's basically irreversible.
NUMBNESS
The problem with living inauthentically for such a prelonged period of time, especially in those neuroplastic younger years where you're meant to be experimenting, is that you start losing your sense of identity and presence. I was never depressed, it seems more like I was developing something psychologists tend to call derealisation. Almost like you're detached from your surroundings, a coping mechanism formed in the brain, seemingly to deal with this deception and inner conflict. Living in the passenger seat of your own life. One time, while I was on my way to Mexico from Amsterdam, the first time I had traveled alone, at 18 -- I didn't feel a single thing. Just neutrality. Even when seeing the beautiful landscapes and beaches in real life for the first time, not even once did I feel anything that came close to excitement or nervousness. Almost like watching life pass you by. How's that possible? My first time traveling alone, to another continent no less, for three months - and I don't feel a single thing. I still don't fully understand why. Another example was when I had my exams this year. Not a single form of nerve. When I traded financial derivatives like futures & options at incredibly high leverage, or played roulette in the middle of the night, or when my crypto wallet got drained by a smart contract exploit -- the total losses ramped up to about €25,000 in total. Not once did I have any reaction to it. It's quite a substantial amount at my age at the time (17). I realized that when I had told a colleague about losing five grand in a single day, and he looked me dead in the eyes and said: "You know that's not normal, right?". I guess that might not be caused by inner suppression alone, but it's probably a factor in it. I never quite felt any excitement or nerves in situations as such, perhaps powered by the derealisation mentioned before. I seemingly had built myself up to become numb against stimulation. I interpreted this lack of emotion as maturity. Being decoupled from your life, you never stand still to think about if your actions (or lack thereof) can have consequences on the long term, thus also resulting in a general lack of motivation in daily life.
Only a while back, when I started reflecting on my past, did I stop to think about how much this could impact me on the longer term. Maybe causing an inability to build up true authentic relationships in the long run, perhaps even permanently. Regardless of those relationships being with men or women. Creating true authentic relationships is supposed to be such a big part of what makes life enjoyable. Avoiding it for the sake of avoiding confrontation isn't the best way to live life.

Okay, that was meant to be a joke. But, you can't say it's not true sometimes when life just gets overwhelming. I am pouring this out at 6am so that maybe it'll help me. But, seriously might delete it later so that it doesn't hurt my chances for a career or surrogates.
I have been running on fumes since April. My husband lost his job, he's in full time school which I help tutor him. He starts work back in the next few weeks and then his second to last semester starts in August. I've put in 100 applications at least in the past two months to try to help pay bills and take some of the burden off of him. I'm disabled and looking to actually get back to work. I just want to pay my bills, and not worry about what we're going to eat. I want to be able to pay for IVF and surrogacy. I'm half exhausted researching how to invest in my future and all of these other things so im not in this same position later one. Every waking moment has been spent on bills, agencies, disability, doctors. I'm just so tired. I've been in a medical flare up on top of it, while barely sleeping and I think I've finally cracked.
But, I expressed some of my stress, instead of keeping it completely locked up. So therapy is paying off.
If anyone knows of any good remote companies that will hire a disabled woman, knows of good fertility clinics/altruistic surrogates, how to ensure a good future, and what ever advice besides yoga, books, outside, and self care please and thank you <3

Me and my girlfriend are in the same grade in high school and have been dating for about 8 months. Though nothing was ever set in stone, our routine throughout the year has been at least one hang-out every weekend where we’d get to cuddle and stuff (we’ve not had intimacy but that’s not really relevant). This past month though we have not gotten to be alone together. I can count the number of times we kissed these past 3 weeks on my fingers. It’s not like we haven’t hung out, but it’s never just us and I can’t seem to tell if she really wants it to be. The past 3 times we hung out started to leave before I even got a kiss. It was just finals week and now we have summer, she’s going on a trip for a week so I thought today we would finally get to rest together for even just a bit, but no. For context I have a twin brother and we’re all in the same friend group so it’s only later we get to separate ourselves from him. The problem is I can’t tell if she even wants to. I’ve brought it up with her a little and she’s told me that she misses our time together too but everything else is telling me otherwise. I always am the first to text her, hold hands, hug and usually kiss. She’s now gone for a week and I’m seriously sad (it just happened to be the one year anniversary of my dog’s death this week too). I’ve told her that I don’t blame her but I’m kind of lying. There are factors out of her control, like when her parents want her home or when she’s busy, but she is also not a great texter and often we are caught off guard by her having to leave because she doesn’t check her damn phone. I kinda just feel like she doesn’t care. How can I tell her I’m upset with her without being rude? I also know I’m not perfect but I think she just isn’t telling me what I may be doing wrong so I feel like a hypocrite if I criticize her.

man this is actually really confronting to think abt. hell, i even logged back into this old ass acc because this was the only space that i felt could have some semblance of understanding of how i feel. or maybe not. we'll see :3
thing is, i always prided myself on not having crushes like everyone else my age, and really put myself on a pedestal thinking 'wow, other teenagers are so preoccupied with people they like--thank god i'm only preoccupied with grades!!!' which was probably cause of how i grew up (strict parents, so no dating; also went to a small school so it'd be really awkward)??? it gets to the point where i'm reassured in my identity as an aroace person, and that i'd be perfectly content living out a life that didn't have romantic relationships.
and then i made friends with This One Mf. it wasn't then that this all started, but it was around a year into our friendship when (at the time) he came up to a group of us during lunch, masc haircut and all. so he's a dude, no big deal until you realise that a) catholic all-girls high school and b) i've only been surrounded by homophobic people up until high school
it's not meant to be a big deal (i think, i'm not too sure how this works), but oh my god. idk how many times i've had to re-write this because nothing will ever do justice to the way the world changed when i looked at him. i looked up at him and i just thought to myself 'oh shit he's attractive' and told myself it'd be fleeting and that nothing would change and that i was better than everyone else because i didn't have crushes.
it's been two years. two years, and i keep making this ideal version of him that always knows what's wrong and makes jokes and somehow breaks the physical contact barrier that we both put up around people. he's not even a shitty person, and he's damn observant (as in. stalking profiles and psychoanalysing his friends kind of observant), so i always know that half of what i think of him isn't just stuff rooted in my daydreams and it's eating me up because i always have to worry about whether or not he's catching on.
as i type this, it's the second time that i've gone silent on him. i thought i was doing better???? getting my grades up, being fit, volunteering and achieving in school????? and then i talk to him and suddenly it's all 'i predict that in next year's camp, he'll try to find me while i'm in a field disassociating or whatnot and it's night and he'll immediately know what's wrong and i'll confess and he'll kiss me because he's felt the same all along'. like. he's observant but no he won't care that you're wearing his favourite character's earring. or that you liked an edit on instagram. or that you always turn away and ignore him because you're scared your cheeks are red. i ride the bus, and i think of the singular time we rode a bus together. doing my work, and i suddenly think of all the little moments and texts i've collected over the years and how it means we're written in the stars. i try to sleep, and i imagine him comforting my while i cry or staying up because we both love each other's company when it's just the two of us. i can't fucking think anymore, if not about him.
it's gotten to the point where i've started indulging some of my more disturbing thoughts, trying to pretend that i hate him or that he's into other people or that i've just been lying this whole time. here i am, trying to remove every trace of him in my life until i can gaslight myself into thinking that we've never met. purposefully trying to make him hate me so then i can spot his figure by the bus stop in record time and think 'yeah, it was never gonna happen anyway'.

I’ve been sitting here for the past three hours just thinking, mainly about this girl from a while ago. I’m 19 now and I’m thinking about this girl I’m still friends with, I remember we used to sit by each other in middle school, and by sit by each other I mean that we would literally pull our desks together, so close that sometimes our arms would touch. We would goof around and get yelled at by the teacher. I remember one time we even ditched the big gym gathering going on to just walk around the school for a little while. I don’t know how she felt about me at the time but man did I love her. And I know that usually doesn’t meant shit in middle school but I really liked her.
All this started happening the last year I would be at that school, then I left. I stopped talking to her as much and formed my crushes every now and again as one does in school, but it was never like her. I eventually got it off my chest and told her how I felt about her, she responded not the worst, primarily with a thank you for telling her. After a while longer we talk every now and again and keep up streaks on Snapchat. But man. I wish things were different.
I wish I could hold someone by my side, have love again like that for someone. I wish I could wake up next to someone, it’s gotten so bad that my only dreams are simply me laying next to someone in my bed, extremely happy and peaceful. It’s gotten so bad that I don’t want to wake from these dreams and sleep till 11am-1pm. I wake up and realize that I’m sleeping in a bed without anyone next to me. It hurts so much.
Every day I can’t help but feel so sad. I wake up alone, I have family but it feels like they don’t really care about me, or anything I have to say, plus I’ve grown quite distant from them. My friends have either moved away or fallen out of my life. Life just sucks I guess. I wish I wasn’t so alone. Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time, turn the clock back. Wake up and none of this happened sort of thing.
I don’t know. Rant over I guess, thanks for reading and listening if you did. Maybe all of this is all over the place but I feel like I just need to get it out, talk about it.

There is a girl in my school whom I knew when we were in middle school. I am already in my second year of high school. I don't know how to talk to her. She likes to write books. My original idea was to ask her to let me read one of her books, but she told me, "Uh, sorry, I don't have the computer where I write it right now," and that literally killed all my plans. My idea was to read the book and ask her things about it, like "What inspired you?", "I liked this part," "Oh, this sound familiar." But that killed all of that. I don't know how to talk to her. We travel on the school bus together. She gets on before me and gets off after me, so there's no possibility of her approaching me casually. When the school bus is full and I have to sit with her, I really want to talk to her about whatever, but the fear paralyzes me. I can't even talk.
So, to summarize and explain better:
There is a girl I want to talk to, but I am afraid of the "What ifs..." What if I sound dumb to her? What if she has a boyfriend? What if she likes someone else? And the worst part is, I can't approach her casually (which is the worst for an antisocial person like me).
She always sits in the back of the school bus, and most of the time she is alone. I can't sit "casually" with her when there is an empty seat in front. She is in another class, and during recess, she is with her group of friends. There are no opportunities 😞
I was thinking about asking her again if she has recovered her computer, but I don't know if I would be being annoying at this point. What should I do?

Hi all! So as the title says, I have a bit of a problem on my hands. I built a personal website that serves as basically a resume augment, with information about my professional work, a contact page, etc. All the fixings. We have a slight problem though, because as it happens I share a nearly identical name with a not-very-well-known p***phile. When you search my name currently, my website is away down the list, while the news article related to the offender in question are right up at the top.
My assumption is that as far as getting hired goes, this is probably less than ideal because people may not notice the single-letter difference and are even less likely to try to compare photos and so on, which would show that we aren't the same person. So the question is basically this, how do I manage to beat the p-word in SEO performance so that my website will outrank the articles that were written about him? Would love for searches for me not to just immediately turn him up instead.

Ubisoft Forward 2024

 

Preshow

Be sure to tune in early starting at 11:30AM PT/8:30PM CET to catch the 30-minute preshow focusing on upcoming updates for live games.
Expect new details on Year 6 Season 1 for The Division 2 and a deeper dive during the post show!
 

Main Show

=> Trailer
 
Ubisoft Forward kicks off at
=> 12:00PM PT / 9:00PM CET on June 10,
offering up exclusive looks at Star Wars Outlaws, Assassin’s Creed Shadows, XDefiant, and more.
 

Where

You can catch the stream at Ubisoft.com/Forward , through Ubisoft Connect, or via Ubisoft’s official Twitch and YouTube channels.
 

Ubisoft Twitch Drops

If you’re watching on Twitch, whether on Ubisoft’s channel or through anyone co-streaming through the “Special Events” category, you’ll be eligible to earn up to nine Twitch drops for different games depending on how long you watch:
 
=> Rewards
 

• 15 minutes:
  Earn the Ultra Top Fan Charm in Rainbow Six Siege
  
• 20 minutes:
  Earn the Forest’s Dawn Trinket in Avatar: Frontiers of Pandora
  
• 30 minutes:
  Earn The Trailblazer Trinket in Star Wars Outlaws
  
• 45 minutes:
  Earn the M60 Eruption Weapon Skin in XDefiant and the Skull and Bones Welcome Firework in Skull and Bones
  
• 60 Minutes:
  Earn the Alfa Romeo 33 Stradale (1968) in The Crew Motorfest, the Yurei Bushido Gear Set in Assassin’s Creed Valhalla, and the Koi Uchide-no-Kozuchi trinket in Assassin’s Creed Shadows
  

 

Tune into the Ubisoft Forward Post Show for Year 6 Season 1 News and to earn The Division 2 Rewards

 
Earn some new drip for your agent while learning more about what's to come for Year 6 Season 1 during this year's Ubisoft Forward Post Show.
 

• When?
  Monday, June 10, during the Ubisoft Forward Post Show
  
• What?
  Up to two different masks for your character depending on time watched.
  
• How?
  Log in to your Twitch account, make sure it's connected to your Ubisoft Connect account. Alternatively, you can head to the Ubisoft Drops website and follow the instructions.
  
• Where?
  The official Ubisoft Twitch account.
  

 
=> Rewards
 
Watch time for rewards:

• Watch 15 minutes to earn the Modern Deco Mask
  
• Watch 20 minutes to earn the Neo Deco Mask
  

 
Note: These awards will be given for time spent watching the Ubisoft Forward Post Show. Time watched during the main show will not count towards the mask rewards.
 
So grab some snacks, get ready for some sweet deets on Y6S1, and get your agent those golden masks!
 
=> Division Drops
=> Forward News

Summary

TBA
 

I don't even know how to put this, but basically I'm at a loss here. Why is it that every time I feel sad and upset about my past or my childhood or just life, I get really down and sad and maybe to the point of crying and breaking down, but once I come out of that I want to make other laugh? Like I'll go through a TERRIBLE "crying in the bath tub" level breakdown, and come out of the bathroom wanting to go on Facebook or around people and make jokes and statuses that make others laugh? Don't get me wrong, I love helping people. I love being the person who will always pick up the phone, and I love being the keeper of peoples secrets because they trust me. I love being the reason somebody smiles. I love complimenting random strangers on the street with an original and heartfelt compliment you can just see there heart smile in the way they react to it. I love being a light in a world that really just isn't happy or complimenting. I think that's the reason I'm still here, because I know I could be (and as cliche as this sounds) the person I need and have always needed in this world. I view everybody as deserving of love and happiness, and will go to great lengths to help others do so. But why does it feel like when I try to do that for myself it never works? I can't seem to make myself happy, or complete, or feel like I'm anything more than the person put here to make other people feel good about themselves. And as much as I love that title, will anybody else ever love and see me as somebody who deserves the same love, affection, care, and trust as I freely give to others? I understand boundaries and not to just give my kindness to the wrong people, but when is it my turn? When can I be loved and appreciated like I love and appreciate almost everybody I come into contact with? When is it my turn to have my wants and happiness prioritized? And yes I understand the whole "self love is all you need". My question is how do I get to a point in life where I either love myself enough that I can still love others as much as I do while not feeling so empty all the time, or at least get to a point where helping others doesn't feel like my only true valuable skill? (Im sorry if thats kinda all over the place, but I just needed to get that out in an anonymous and safe place)

For context, she’s kind of a close friend (we have a long history, but have drifted apart over the years), and she kind of knows of my boyfriend too (we all went to the same school - also she’s a 25F, my boyfriend is a 27M, and I’m also a 25F). But there’s not much history between them. One day, I was talking to her on the phone, and I think my boyfriend was brought up in conversation (either I said something or she asked, I can’t remember), and then she said she wanted to add my boyfriend, and then she asked me to confirm his facebook to her. I didn’t want to think much of it, and I don’t want to be insecure about it, but I found it a bit weird for a few reasons (also I did end up giving his fb to her, but my bf didn’t accept her friend request - not cause I told him not to though…).
Anyways, the reason I think this, is because she’s currently having relationship problems with her boyfriend, and right now, their relationship is more like a situationship. I know she’s not really happy right now. I don’t want to think she has ulterior motives, but… I can’t help but think she might. This is because ages ago with my first boyfriend, I think him and her kinda had a thing. They both knew each other before me. They never dated though. But while I was dating him, they would both just go off one on one together sometimes, and sometimes they would have each other’s back when I’m around. I even asked my first boyfriend if he liked her, and he just changed the subject and pretended he didn’t see my message (but he replied to every other message). And then my friend’s sister (who didn’t know I was dating him at the time), asked my friend why she isn’t dating him, and my friend just told her sister to shush. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but now looking back, I feel like this is so weird?? Like what kind of history did they actually have? And did they have a thing while I dated him??
But going back to today. When she started dating her boyfriend, she didn’t tell me much about him at all, and she didn’t want me to add him as a friend - which I didn’t even ask, or want to, or even think about lol. Like she told me in advance not to add him as a friend. But now, she wants to add my boyfriend? I was a little annoyed at this internally lol…
Also, she has asked me weird questions about my current boyfriend. Like in the early stages, she asked me how big his dick is lol. And then recently, she’s also been asking where my boyfriend lives, and what’s his address. But like I don’t want to think weirdly about her too. Cause I know she just has a big personality, and she’s social with everyone. And she’s also a very outspoken person, so maybe she’s just saying/doing a bunch of meaningless things, and maybe I’m just overthinking? I also know she wants to move out, and I said to her that I might move in with my boyfriend, so maybe that’s why she keeps asking about his address? So she could move in with me and him?
But I also don’t know too, cause I also know she’s the type of person to mess around too (not always though)… but she’s a very impulsive person, and she kinda just does whatever she wants, and one time, she may/may not have been a home wrecker (idk, I heard 2 different stories). Anyway, I don’t want to ask her about this, cause I might be wrong about her too, and she might get offended that I’m thinking this way… so what do you guys think of this situation?… Should I be worried? Or am I just overthinking ?
Tldr: friend sent a friend request to my boyfriend on facebook, even though she told me not to add her boyfriend on facebook (she told me in advance, even though I wasn’t even planning to/want to). She’s also having a hard time with her relationship at the moment too. In the past, she also may have had a thing for my first boyfriend (they knew each other before me, and while I was dating him, they would go one on one with each other to places, her sister asked why she isn’t dating him, and my first boyfriend ignored me when I asked if he liked her). Also, she has asked some weird questions about my current boyfriend - like how big his dick is, and where his address is. She’s also the type to mess around (but not always), and she’s a very impulsive person who may/may not have been a home wrecker before (idk, I heard 2 stories). At the same time though, she’s also a very outspoken person with a big personality, so some things she says/does could just be meaningless. So, should I be worried, or am I just overthinking?

The audio course on tomorrows filmmakers doesn’t seem very beginner friendly at all compared to their cinematography and video courses as the guy just skims over things you’d think would be important and mainly focuses on field recorders, Pre amps, how to hook up a lab mic and properly using a boom pole but he fails to explain how to get great audio mixing because on the back of the field recorders there are a whole bunch of knobs and things and he glosses over them on how to use them. Is there somewhere else I could learn all about sound location that isn’t film school? I want to learn all about this so that way I don’t have to pay someone for good audio because I can’t pay by the hour but I could get decent audio equipment which is why I want to learn.