okay so basically I was dating this girl a couple months back, we’d been friends for a few years, admitted to liking each other, and then started going out. (rookie mistake ik)
we ended up calling it quits a few months later bc she had a tendency to be jealous over my friends and I don’t fw that for obvious reasons. especially since I was spending equal time with everyone and making sure I could take care of my relationship on top of my friendships. my best friends mean the world to me and those two have been there with me through everything, I’m not giving them up. I was, as far as I’m concerned, doing the right thing in that regard.
we agreed we worked better friends and broke up but a few weeks later she gets this boyfriend (she’s bi, which never bothered me and still doesn’t). but she’s posting him EVERYWHERE and she never posted me anywhere. I was only ever on her private snap story a handful of times. but she’s posting this guy daily and the vacation they took (despite only being together for a couple months) as well as all this other corny couple stuff they’re doing. she likes corny, I get that, but anytime I’d suggest something similar she was never interested (like picnics and cute arcade dates and that stuff).
it feels stupid to be upset over it especially since the breakup was mutual and it’s been a few months but I can’t help but feel upset and kind of used bc of it. :/ anybody else been here? any advice for getting out of it?

It's a really weird feeling. I met this girl a few weeks ago in an event and it turned out we had a WhatsApp group in common.
She was on my mind ever since, and on Tuesday I decided to just send her a message and ask her out, fully expecting to be rejected, but to my absolute surprise she said yes and now we have a date on Saturday.
I'm so excited and scared at the same time, I haven't had a date outside of OLD in years and she is just so adorable. A girl friend of mine said "tulips mean you're cute and we should hang out" so I'm thinking of getting her a single tulip, but I'm not sure if that'd be too much for a first date. We'll go get a coffee.
I hope there'll be a second one. Wish me luck :)

note the possibly popular. With women online at least it seems divided. also I've made posts about men being wrong too so its not just about internalized sexism or whatever.
I find most of the reasons are that women dress up and spend time doing their makeup are owed payment for their time.
Like no. You want to look good because you want someone yo want you. How is it any different that the man doing work to get a date. Whatever the work is. If he pays for the date then its because he wants the girl badly. If he's not paying for you clearly you aren't worth it. So yes it goes with men too..women don't owe you anything just because you chose to pay for the date. Men don't owe you because you chose to dress up..
Another one "women are putting themselves at risk..." A risk you chose. Him paying for dinner isn't gonna offset him probably murdering you after. That's just stupid.
"I'll be the one carrying the baby and off work. He needs to prove he has the ability to care for me". Did you even talk? Whatever he doesn't want kids? Plus unless your pregnancy is bad a lot are only off work for about 4 months. After that paternity leave is not only for women.
Anyone can stay home with the kid if need be.

This girl came up to me in the gym today and asked me for my snap but I don’t got snap so I gave her my number
Only problems she’s 29 and am 18 idk if I should go on a date with her

How do men feel about such women? What is your experience about their personality types?

I know that every avoidant and every situation is different but there are days when I feel like my dismissive avoidant ex genuinely cared about me and times when I wonder if he ever cared at all. I also don’t think that avoidants are bad people in any way, shape, or form, but I’m asking this because understanding avoidant attachments have helped me heal tremendously and understand my ex so much more than I ever have.
He had major commitment issues and throughout the entirety of our relationship he never really saw other girls, as far as I know, but he always kept his options open. Out of everything that he did this was always the most hurtful. It made me feel as though I was never enough for him even though he would adamantly tell me that I was and would say things like “What if I cut every girl off and things don’t work out between us?”
I know as we kept talking he eventually made the decision to delete all of his dating apps on his own and we both decided to be exclusive shortly after that but then broke up a month after. It seemed as though every time things looked like they were going in the right direction he would fall back. Whenever he broke up with me he told me that he still cared about me but not in the way that he used to and told me that things were getting too serious and that it was scaring him. He said that he was struggling a lot mentally (and I believe him because he was spending a lot of his time alone and sleeping a lot more than usual and just very gloomy overall) and that he didn’t think he should be with anyone. He ended up being with someone else 2 months later.
I think out of everything that I went through with him the other girls are what hurt me the most of all and are the one things I don’t think that I could ever forgive. I wonder if he ever cared about me at all because it seemed as though I was never enough for him and he could never just see me exclusively. I also wonder if he ever thinks of me now and wishes that things were different. Just needed to get this off of my chest.

[17M] was dating a girl, K [16F] and she broke up with me for a number of reasons, but what I said was the last straw. Background information, before dating, we were friends for a year so she knew my humour Around halloween last year, she said that she wanted to be something scary and I asked what she meant by that, K said something that will scare all the kids and I said, "oh, so you're going as yourself". Before K could say anything else, I apologized immediately, we were on call. I told her I didn't mean it, I was trying to make a joke then took it back right away

I was dating this girl for two years. We were planning to get married with each other and we really thought each other were the one. We lived an hour away and I have really bad ADHD for context.
Fast forward to now, she broke up with me a month and a half ago. When I asked her the main reason, she said that in all of her relationships, she had to take care of her bf’s and wanted a man to take care of her and after I asked if she was saying if I wasn’t the right kind of man for her, she said yes.
My question is, there were a lot of times when she would tell me that I was not meeting certain needs like planning dates better or verbalizing compliments enough, but I truly feel like I was really getting better at that. I would send her special messages every night and tell her how much I loved and missed her a lot. I never once yelled at her or put her down, but when we would argue, she would be kind of mean and when she would communicate her needs, she would say them in a more accusing way, which I think made me defensive and made it hard for me to truly listen and hear what she needed.
She also told me I needed to lead more and say it felt like she was being led by a boy instead of a man. I can’t help but feel like I ruined everything by not fulfilling her needs after she would keep telling me, but I truly feel like I was really getting better, and I was still supportive in every other way I could be. I even painted her pictures and and made her paper flowers for valentines and Christmas.
I feel like it’s all my fault and I ruined the relationship, but I was really kind to her and I tried to show care in other ways, even if I was still bettering myself in the ways she asked for, even if she was sometimes mean. I would love to hear other opinions and thoughts because I cannot stop beating myself up over this.

i’m 18 and i’ve never really dated a girl irl before.. i got asked out on a date yesterday and im super super excited but im so nervous, we’re getting sushi together!

Basically, this guy led me on for 9 months, claiming that he wanted to date me and be with me. fed me so many lies, slept with other people, lied to me about being exclusive, hid his Snapchat account for 5 months while claiming he doesn’t have one, was about to break up with me on Valentine’s Day, just all around an asshole and liar. Not to mention, he came inside me without my consent the first time we had sex after I told him I was saving that for my husband. and my lines of consent were blurred. All around, Asshole treated me like I wasn’t good enough; in fact, he made a comment about how he had a better head.
I can’t lie, I’ve done stuff in retaliation for everything he’s done. After finding out about the multiple women he was talking to, I went on a date and ended up falling in love. After about 3 weeks, the man I went on a date with asked me to be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes. I told my situational partner that this has to end between us because I now have a boyfriend and I’m no longer interested in playing this game with him. He freaks out, breaks all the stuff in his room, and begs, crying, for me to stay. crazy, right? I was under the impression that he didn’t care much about me. He starts spam calling me on different accounts, threatening to tell my boyfriend we were sleeping together up until we were official. telling me he’s always loved me and to leave my boyfriend. couple days past, and I think I finally got rid of him. He shows up to my house randomly with flowers (something he told me in the past he didn’t want to do for me), begging me to stay and telling me to leave my boyfriend again. embarrassing me in front of my family, which at this point knows I have a boyfriend.
I tell him what he wants to hear just to get him to leave my house, then when he gets home, I tell him to stop this, and next time he comes, I will tell my boyfriend to tell him to stop. He continues to send e-transfers, trying to contact me by calling on different numbers and harassing me. I've already told my boyfriend about everything, and he thinks I should call the police next time. I have no clue why he’s doing this. This is the same man who refused to unfollow girls or even get into a real relationship with me. Why is he freaking out and trying to ruin my relationship like this? I never expected this.

Basically, this guy led me on for 9 months, claiming that he wanted to date me and be with me. fed me so many lies, slept with other people, lied to me about being exclusive, hid his Snapchat account for 5 months while claiming he doesn’t have one, was about to break up with me on Valentine’s Day, just all around an asshole and liar. Not to mention, he came inside me without my consent the first time we had sex after I told him I was saving that for my husband. and my lines of consent were blurred. All around, Asshole treated me like I wasn’t good enough; in fact, he made a comment about how he had a better head.
I can’t lie, I’ve done stuff in retaliation for everything he’s done. After finding out about the multiple women he was talking to, I went on a date and ended up falling in love. After about 3 weeks, the man I went on a date with asked me to be his girlfriend, and of course I said yes. I told my situational partner that this has to end between us because I now have a boyfriend and I’m no longer interested in playing this game with him. He freaks out, breaks all the stuff in his room, and begs, crying, for me to stay. crazy, right? I was under the impression that he didn’t care much about me. He starts spam calling me on different accounts, threatening to tell my boyfriend we were sleeping together up until we were official. telling me he’s always loved me and to leave my boyfriend. couple days past, and I think I finally got rid of him. He shows up to my house randomly with flowers (something he told me in the past he didn’t want to do for me), begging me to stay and telling me to leave my boyfriend again. embarrassing me in front of my family, which at this point knows I have a boyfriend.
I tell him what he wants to hear just to get him to leave my house, then when he gets home, I tell him to stop this, and next time he comes, I will tell my boyfriend to tell him to stop. He continues to send e-transfers, trying to contact me by calling on different numbers and harassing me. I've already told my boyfriend about everything, and he thinks I should call the police next time. I have no clue why he’s doing this. This is the same man who refused to unfollow girls or even get into a real relationship with me. Why is he freaking out and trying to ruin my relationship like this? I never expected this.

Anyone remember this plot?
https://preview.redd.it/xcepl7vo9u0d1.png?width=2700&format=png&auto=webp&s=ef6222a643519b510e13e5ff084696c5f1d54556
***About The image...is Sinbad gaslighting us? Is THIS how he looked in the movie, only YOUNGER than you see him here?
Release Date: Early 1994 Disappearance Date: Early 2000's
Movie Actors: Sinbad, Jonathan Brandis (died via suicide in 2003 at the age of 27, around when the movie disappeared...)
The movie's characters are a brother (older) and sister (younger) with a father who doesn't give them enough attention.
Sinbad is wearing a genie outfit consisting of a golden turban, golden pointy shoes, vest, big hoop earring and puffy pants. It is all purple and gold.
Scenes (no particular order):
-There is a huge ship in the middle of the desert
-Sinbad is in his lamp watching the actual Sinbad comedy show
-The little girl wastes a wish on fixing her broken doll; she carried it around everywhere and it was missing an eye
-The climax is a party at a swimming pool
-Sinbad driving a taxi
-Sinbad at the dad's job invisible to everyone
-the boy wishes he didn't get bullied, his sister tells him to just stand up to them, he looks at Sinbad and Sinbad tells him the wish still counts
-when Sinbad initially comes out of the lamp he was hoping it would be Brooke Shields
-the kids want to wish to bring their mother back, but Sinbad tells them he can't change the past or someone's feelings
-Sinbad and the boy have an argument, boy runs away and he has to find him
-Sinbad and the girl eat a ton of cheeseburgers from Burger King

Hello
Firstly do not judge this is not anything dodgy, it is genuine questio to ask..
I send to an email to someone in the UK, however, I am currently in Turkey 🇹🇷 on holiday, which could change the nature of email and make the lie I have got to make seem very none genuine and not plausible. I have an exam tomorrow morning and the holiday to Turkey was booked way before I knew all the exam dates.
can the company that i have got to send the email to know that email is sent from different location other than the UK.(email is going to be scheduled for tomorrow at 6am) help a girl out.

settle in guys, this is a long one.
so flash back to a couple of days ago when my long distance girlfriend came to visit. for context we’ve been together about 3 and a half months and up until this point, we started dating right before she moved long distance so we have already been very physical with eachother. i thought things were perfect. we had a routine of calling and constantly talking and flirting with eachother, we’d read books together, a good communicator and would even listen to all my petty anxieties that i thought i could never tell anyone. she was a sparkly enchanted green flag. but all of a sudden, i had found out she cheated during the first month and a half of our relationship.
i had met her whole family this week, both her mom and dads side, spending multiple days with them and having talks about long term goals, how we would always communicate through our issues, etc. and i thought we were in the really good place, the love was there and it was strong. and we were planning for the future together.
the night i was going to take her to the airport i happened to look at her phone and see her scrolling through her email with the key work “hinge” searched in the search bar (to show her roomate when she initially downloaded the app), and i saw an apple receipt for 3 roses while we were together. i asked for her to download hinge and found about 20 guys she had added and been talking to since we got together.
when we had our first trip together back in the beginning of march we really fell in love, and to my knowledge all of the talking and cheating had stopped after that, hinge and her texts prove this thus far, it really seems like she’s been committed and all in since then, no cheating.
she never had sex with anyone, she would get the the point of making plans but then bail last second, and she has text conversations deleted also that she has no way to prove that she didn’t have sex with those people.
it f-cking hurts, but over the past week i’ve found out more and more that went on behind my back, “friends” from before she moved that she kept in contact with, and even some sex work she had done before we got together that she almost had followed through with since she moved. but she didnt to my knowledge. i’ve been pulling a lot of information out of her that she didn’t tell me when i first caught her cheating, and i would not be understanding in the slightest if i had not done the same thing to a girl in highschool, so i know what it’s like to only tell the half truth and have to tell the full truth later.
we have a shared notes app where i’ve gotten to ask just about every antagonizing question relating to the situation, every part of her story that doesn’t make sense, and she’s been more than willing to give all the information she can currently think of that she has not yet told me, and some of it hurts a lot.
it makes me think we could possibly work through this. if this were any other girl i would already be out of the picture, but she’s been so willing to tell me every insecurity about her life and every miscommunication it’s making me think we have a chance. i want to trust her again but the trust has been shattered, obliterated up until this point and it’s going to take a lot of work.
i’m meeting with a therapist to talk the situation out with him, but i thought i would also take the situation here to get everyone’s thoughts about it. am i making a dumb decision by staying with her? or does she seem like she has taken accountability for everything she can remember, and wants to actually work through this and grow our love again together. we developed our love for eachother at different times, and i hope to god we can cultivate it at the same time, this time

Hey 25M here and when it comes to relationships I have things that give me anxiety, of course depending on few cases I've seen particularly in recent times.
So Most of the girls I've seen (seniors, batchmates) they usually say 25 is too early for marriage and they say they want to get married around 27-29 ish just before 30. I don't have anything for or against this opinion of theirs, but it's their logic that makes me more anxious about marrying a girl. Few cases when this marriage topic came up, they usually say, they have to see the life, experience and set their career and Focus on them selves. Which sounds very ideal. But their actions doesn't just add up, it all just comes to staying in the job that pays just enough to live like they want and I never seen any of them till now doing investments or plan on savings, anything of that sort. Now coming to commited relationships, most of these girls were not single at all, they're already in their 2nd/3rd+ relationship and well aware they're not dating that guy to marry. But he fills the role of companionship for intimacy/validation/attention, while they live their life at their will with option to break it off whenever they wan or promote him for husband only if their family agrees.
So now, the anxious part, So for a typical girl who spent life from 21-28 in this life style, now goes for an arrange marriage for a well settled, high earning dude who shouldn't give a fuk about their life choices till then. My question here: is it fair to give all the energy, time and efforts at the best of your youth to partying, frnds and on&off relationships and whoever the dude, whos going to marry you and spend rest of his life, all he gets is that left over trauma and wornout version of her in the name of maturity..? Do women just think marriage as some backup plan when they feel tired of their lifestyle..?
Your honest opinion can really help, I know a girl who does exactly that and someone I know might be her fiance, if things go well. I have no plans in saying anything to anybody, but I needed some place to let my thoughts go.
Open to every opinion.. Except: "Age is just a number, 30 is new 16 bullsiht"
Age is measure of our time in this world and time can bend one to his knees. Those things only work partially when one's super rich or just genetically blessed. So kindly keep those opinions to yourselves.
Edit: "worn out version" I refer to the deteriorated body/health (i.e smoking, drinking, digestion, sugar, isonmia etc..)

So this girl that i used to talk too stopped talking to me to talk to another guy. I mean i get it, we never dated, but we had talked about a lot of things together, we got closer, we hung out in new years and made out. Im 18 and she was my first kiss, i guess that’s another reason why she was so special to me.
We’ve had our ups and downs and arguments. And i knew that i should’ve stopped talking to her in the beginning when she was lagging on me and ghosted me over the summer. But i was so attached to her. I know people will call me dumb for going for her even though she was ghosting me and not changing. But they didnt know her like i did. I loved her and we never even dated, that’s what hurts the most, along with her talking to this other guy that i somewhat considered a friend. She would always apologize for what she did, and we fixed things, things were going better than before until another argument happened. Which led to us not talking anymore.
There’s A LOT to this story and i don’t want to bore you guys so i’ll skip to the final time me and her stopped talking. She had said i was showing messages to everyone, but i wasn’t showing anything. I valued everything i had with her so why would I do that? But then I started to think that maybe she used that as an excuse for us to stop talking. After that she made me delete all her messages. An hour later I deleted her contact because that was the one thing she didn’t make me delete. I then found out that she had been talking to the other guy and since then she’s been happy, which is all I’ve ever wanted for her, but it still upset me, knowing that she’s talking to someone else. And it sucks because i was attached to her. I don’t know how to feel
And i recently found out that they’ve been hanging out a lot recently. More than me and her ever did. but as long as she’s happy. He’s giving her what i couldn’t.

I (F21) experienced my first breakup in June of last year. I was best friends with this guy (M20) for about 4.5 years before we started dating. I had a crush on him the whole time we were friends but never had the guts to tell him. When he finally confessed that he wanted something more, we started dating and dated for 2.5 years. Last year, I found out he cheated on me after getting back from a guys trip because he was “feeling depressed about life after being back home.” He went on Tinder and hooked up with a random girl he knew from a long time ago. We weren’t able to have a conversation in person after I found out, but we shared some long last text messages and I guess I got my closure before going no contact. I was barely able to eat for about a week and a half and was crying constantly. I was living with my mom at the time and she was never a big fan of my ex. She was the most unsupportive during this time. I would come out of my room and had obviously been crying and she’d say, “What’s wrong?” constantly. It would annoy me because I’d just look at her awkwardly like “You know what’s wrong” and she would just roll her eyes. About 3 days after the breakup, I was in bed crying when my mom comes in and starts yelling at me to just get over it already. I yelled at her back and told her to go away. She yelled more before finally leaving. She never yelled like that again, but she still wasn’t very supportive. We have never talked about that moment and we are a lot closer now, but it’s been almost a year now and I still think about it and sometimes it still upsets me.

Hi! Just looking for a little advice, context: so me and this girl have met at uni and are friends first and foremost. However, we have always had a bit of spark and this has led to us getting closer especially over the last 3 months or so. At this point it is very clear, that I am interested in her and she is interested in me. However, one issue I have is that on multiple occasions she has brought up other guys trying to text / talk to her, etc. In the past week, we have had some really nice moments but yet again last night brings up a guy adding her on social media trying to talk to her or something and asks me is she should respond. I reply ‘If you want’ as I honestly can’t be bothered to play into this and I’m not going to attempt to control who someone i’m not even dating speaks / doesn’t speak to. I am only looking for a serious relationship - this is the only girl i’m talking to and I really can’t be bothered to play into any games / trying to make me jealous or test my reaction. I honestly just feel it’s a bit unfair, to be in my room and do this, I have not and would not do this to her. At this point it just feels a bit disrespectful, this isn’t even really personal between me and her but I just feel if I keep allowing this i’m sort of disrespecting myself which is what matters the most to me. This does not make her a bad person by any means, but is this a sign that maybe she isn’t ready for a relationship and just wants to play around - this is fine, we are young but just doesn’t align with my goals in life at the moment. I also just feel if she really respected me and valued what we have going on, why would she behave in this way?

TL;DR: I keep falling for toxic women, particularly ENFJs, and I'm not as attracted to healthier, more balanced women. Seeking insights into why this happens and advice on avoiding limerence towards the wrong people. Have you experienced this with ENFJs? What psychological causes might underlie this behavior? Any techniques, habits, or books to recommend?
Hi everyone! I'm opening this thread because after a few years of dating and actively pursuing girls I've noticed a pattern that doesn't look very positive: I seem to exclusively fall in love with women that are quite toxic and even sociopathic in some cases (an ENTP friend told me once: "the girls you like are usually quite sus lol"), These women have always been xNFJ. At the same time, I'm not so passionately attracted to other women that could be considered healthier and more balanced.
I would really want to understand what the explanation for this phenomenon could be.

• Below I'm giving more context and some reflections that I hope some of you will find useful, but for those who are unwilling to keep reading, I would like to ask you a few questions.
• Have you ever experienced this before (more specifically with ENFJs) and in a recurrent manner
• What do you think are the underlying ultimate psychological causes of this kind of unhealthy behaviour?
• Which techniques, methods, habits have worked for you to avoid becoming limerent towards the wrong person?
• Any books you think are worth recommending (preferably something practical and prescriptive, I already read Love and Limerence, but it was eminently descriptive)?

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

Conditions to Fall in Love

I've identified these characteristics in all the women I've considered as potential soulmates.

• Attraction towards Fe-proficient individuals. I'm not sure if this is the case for all INTPs. I don't remember having such a liking for xNFJs when I was younger; it seems to have begun after I started treating Extraverted Feeling as an area I really need to improve. I like when people show (an exaggerated) interest in my pastimes and ideas or when they put my needs first (e.g. pouring water in your glass first during a dinner). And I guess it makes sense. In Projection and Personality we can read that we can "idealize the opposite attitude, especially in the opposite sex, making partnerships in order that the partner will play a complementary role for us. Jung commented that this was fairly frequent in marriage and even necessary, but such idealizing biases are just as deluded as the negative biases. Each “attitude-type” projects attributes onto the other that are not rightly his or hers", and that the use of the inferior function can lead one to become "addicted to or infatuated by activities or individuals associated with the function." Personality Cafe's user Entropic wrote an interesting comment about this as well.

This might explain the preference for toxic, unbalanced individuals. A toxic ENFJ would be one that is an Fe-Se loop, which apparently entails being extremely consciuos and responsive to other people's needs and feelings while constantly looking for new stimulating experiences such as doing aerobic sports, partying, or travelling.

• Attraction towards Ni-Se Axis Users. Despite what Socionics proposes, I've never found our duals (ESFJs) attractive at all. Notwithstanding their command of Fe, they appear to me as shallow, uninteresting, and simple-minded (no offense intended, I'm just stating what I perceive). The same for ISFJs; in the last weeks I ran into a very beautiful ISFJ girl a few times, and despite finding her very physically appealing, no infatuation could take place there because her conversation was one-sided, superficial, and ultimately, unfulfilling. On top of that, they (and people in the Si-Ne Axis in general) tend to lack a fondness for touching, which I personally find very interesting in a romantic partner.

I believe these two conditions explain why INFJs and, particularly, ENFJs can be so alluring to me (and perhaps to other INTPs): they tend to have top-notch social skills, are great conversationalists and know how to touch people in the right moment and at the right place to create a sense of connection.

• Importance of physical attractiveness. Infatuation does not happen with every INFJ and ENFJ I encounter. I also need to feel the urge to mix my genes together with those of the other person. I know a slightly older ENFJ girl who is a good friend of an ENTP girl friend of mine Although she displays a lot of behaviours I know I would consider attractive under different conditions, I don't find her hot enough, so the spell does not work out, and I am able to impartially see how unhinged she is.

Why Limerence Keeps Coming Back

• Immature Fi. This is a bit speculative, but I believe if I still feel limerent every so and so despite being 28 it is because of an incapacity to control and structure my own strong emotions, which is the territory of Introverted Feeling (recently, I read a biography of Madame Curie and found super relatable her affair with Paul Langevin, during which she behaved in a complete irrational manner in spite of being over her 40s). There could, of course, be non-personality-type-related reasons (which is what I'm actually trying to find out), but Fi-doms don't seem to experience this state of anxiety that frequently. I discussed this with my ISFP mother, and she admitted feeling "butterflies in her belly" only once in her lifetime, when she was in high school. Never again felt that way, not even with my ENTJ father, but that doesn't prevent her from loving him. I also discussed it with an INFP colleague, and he also said that maybe he felt this way when he was a teenager but has never felt it in his adult relationships. To me that could point to an ability present in Fi-doms to quickly and intuitively learn how to self-adjust in certain situations that caused internal distress in the past. What makes me believe this could be true is that I know that, for example, ENFJs can also fall in love hard and can get depressed after a breakup. Another ENFJ friend of my ENTP girl friend broke up recently with a long-term partner and she seems to have been suffering from melancholy and a sentiment of meaninglessness and loss of direction. She said she has always believed that you need to feel infatuated to love someone, and I believe ENFJs also have Fi in a critical spot.

The Women I Have Fallen in Love With

I want to describe four women I've gotten to know well and who ended up being quite crazy despite having initially awaken very strong feelings in me. I hope to show with that that I'm not the problem and that there is a grounded pattern that involves different types of women that only share their psychological type. I also got infatuated with 2 other ENFJ women, but that was temporarily (after sleeping with one, and after seeing the other in a few social gatherings) and couldn't know them on a deeper level. And I pursued an ENFP an ESFP as well (which, in their way, are also quite proficient with Fe). I'm not including them because the ENFP, although she is very toxic, I met her first online and couldn't see the whole picture, and the ESFP is in fact a decent human being, and we are still friends.

• My ENFJ supervisor (+40). She looked quite well despite her age, and I found interesting the fact that she was independent and presumably hard-working. Thought intensely about her for a month. Then I knew she had cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years with one of my best friends, and then lied to the boyfriend to make him believe it was my friend who was obsessed with her, and manipulated my friend to support her version. Then, when the boyfriend knew the truth, she accused him of being responsible for the situation. She also dated a guy from a LatAm country when she was younger, made him accompany her to her home country in Europe, and asked him to leave because she was bored of him after a month.
• The INFJ who texted me through Instagram (28). She saw me on Tinder, but she is 2 years older, so she didn't appear to me because of the age filter. Then replied to one of my stories. First, she told me she didn't like me because I was too young (she knew that from the beginning). Then, after making out, she didn't want to have a relationship because she said the chances of me leaving the country were too high, and in the end, she would leave the country herself a few months later to pursue a degree that has nothing to do with her original studies.
• The sociopathic ENFJ colleague (31). Met her in a bar and talked for 2 hours; everything fine. A few weeks later, we go to a dinner with other people. After I suggest that all Ethiopian dishes taste the same and after saying that if someone is Hispanic and has a Chinese surname, it is very likely that they are Peruvian, she exhorts me to keep my biases at home, accuses me of breaking social harmony and basically implies in an incredibly aggressive manner that I say racist things. I had to take a 10-minute walk to calm down after that. We were supposed to talk privately so I could explain her why I didn't like that moment, but then she decides a week later to expel me from a work-related group chat without giving any explanation. Never talked again after that.
• The ENFJ without clear ideas (24). Met her a few times through mutual friends and she seemed interested, but then I was told she was in a long-distance relationship. I decided not to pursue her because of that, but even though I knew the fact that she had not mentioned her boyfriend for 6 months was a HUGE red flag, I found her super interesting. Confessed my feelings to her and asked her to tell me if I had 0 chances so I could move on; her reply: "you should act as if you had 0 chances." Went on 2 more dates, but then she got incredibly emotional because of a discussion we had on nature vs. nurture stuff (it had been quite amusing for me, only realized she was triggered when her hands started literally shaking), sent me the longest text message I ever received in my life describing me as a soulless monster, and asked me for "time, space and boundaries" before we could meet again. Didn't hear about her in almost 2 months, then she apologized and proposed to meet again, but that never materialized.

If you made it until the end, thanks for your time. I hope you enjoyed and also hope to read you in the comments 😊

I’ve been talking to a boy since October and we aren’t dating. Is it ok if he hearts other girls pics on Facebook? I don’t want to confront him about it since we aren’t even dating. What should I do?

this is basically me gushing about the love of my life and how I can't wait to see him so take it or leave it lol Hey y'all. As the title says I'm physically shaking with how excited I am. My partner (m25) and I (f20) have only just recently gotten together back in January. We've known each other for 9 years and finally decided it was a good time to reconnect. We went on a hiatus for about 3 years due to some personal shit. Since reconnecting in December of 23', I've been quite literally the happiest I've ever been in my life. Our gap is not as drastic as some of you, and my heart really goes out to y'all who are in totally different countries. We met in San Diego where we both grew up, and I moved to Arizona for my education when I started high school. It was super shitty to say goodbye to him because even though we were just friends at the time, I knew I loved him with everything I was. Back to the story now. I'm a college student working towards multiple degrees in music education and percussion performance, but I decided I needed to take a break for a year. (I've been doing college classes since my sophomore year of high school so I could get my degrees faster.) For the purpose of privacy we'll call my partner Tim. Tim is the most supportive person I've ever met. We share an intense passion for music, and he loves anything and everything I do that has to do with music. It's truly so lovely to share something so personal with each other. He actually bought me a signed vinyl by probably my all time favorite artist Lewis Capaldi. (I cried and he said there was no way he could let the opportunity pass for me to have something like that. Like how amazing are you, you beautiful soul.) We share a similar music taste, but he's much more heavy metal than me, yet he always wants to know what I'm listening to even if it's not his cup o' tea. When it comes to support in my schooling he's like my #1 fan. He constantly wants to help in any way he can, and he loves when I start ranting about music theory or anything I learn that I find interesting when it comes to music. My goal is to get my Doctorate in Percussion and he's always telling me how he thinks I'm a badass for deciding this is the path I want for myself. Throughout our relationship I've driven out to San Diego twice to see him. Once for our first date, (the same day he asked me to be his girlfriend 🥰) and once where we spent almost a week together consistently. To say it was heartbreaking to drive back to Arizona is an understatement. That was back in March, and here we are two months later and I'm finally going to get to see him again, but for a whole ass year. I absolutely adore one of his friends, we'll call her Jen. She's such a sweetheart and we got along so well after talking for about 30 minutes. We both adore cats, and actually had the same breed of cat with the same name! Such a funny way the universe works. I haven't laughed and felt so comfortable with someone like that since my two best friends back in San Diego, so it was really refreshing to get that again. We do what most couples do in a long distance relationship. Call every night, talk everyday throughout the day, have movie nights, make each other laugh with dumb Snapchat filters, etc. We even celebrated our first 4/20 together. That was hilarious. I'm excited to be able to do all of that and so much more physically with him. We plan on "coparenting" a fish haha. God I just really love him and I can't fuckin wait. My heart hurts thinking the year will end and I'll have to come back to Arizona without him, but I know we are going to make the most of being able to see each other. I know some of you might be thinking holy shit a year together, you should be greatful, and I am. I won't be seeing him every single day, as I have my entire family out there except for my mom (she's with me in Arizona) so I'll be dividing my time between him, my family, and my two best friends, we'll call them Jack and Ella. Ella loves him. When I took her to meet him she was practically screaming because I've told her about this man since the day I met him. She told me, "I'm so happy you ended up with Tim." Me too girl, me too. Jack likes him. Them meeting was a little awkward, but he's happy I'm happy, and I'm sure they will get along as the years go on. Everyone has been supportive of me going to San Diego and supportive of me and Tim. It was a bit of a shock to them that we are long distance, but other than that they are all super excited to meet him, and I'm beyond excited to meet his family. Anyways. I'm practically counting down the minutes until I get to drive out there and start this new chapter with my wonderful Tim. He is my everything, and I can't wait for the memories we are going to make. I hope y'all get to reconnect with your partners soon. It's the best feeling in the world. Take care y'all.

Parents judging my relationship
I (20F) have been dating my bf (24M) for about 7 months now. I’ve been home from college for the summer for 4 days. Since I’ve been back both of my parents keep making comments that are extremely annoying. I was on a walk with my dad and he was saying that I’m wasting the younger years I have dating him and he’s distracting me. That I’m young and shouldn’t worry about dating right now. My mom makes rude comments that imply i’m mean to my bf when i’m not at all. She’ll say “i bet you start most of the fights between you two” for example.
They also have it in their heads that my bf is the only person I ever spend time with. My mom will say that I turned into one of the girls who only spend time with their boyfriends. My college roommate recently got a studio apartment and my parents said “I bet the reason she got her own place was because you’re never around”. The things they’re saying are ridiculous and I’ve stopped bringing up my bf to them to avoid things like this.
I have never been a very social person and I socialize with my friends a very normal amount. I do spend a lot of time with my bf but it doesn’t take anyway from any other aspect of my life. I still get good grades, I managed to get a good job that’ll look great on my resume. I’m not sure why or where my parents got the idea that I’m with my boyfriend all the time.
My boyfriend and I get along really well and I do enjoy spending time with him often. I don’t think that’s a bad thing, I get all my responsibilities done and make time for my friends. My parents have met him before and they both think he’s really nice. I am the youngest of 4 daughters so maybe being the baby of my family makes it harder?
I’m not sure how to deal with this. Any advice on how to deal with this or why they’re being like this?
TL;DR parents keep saying things about my relationship that bother me and idk what to do